#IM SORRY I WAS FEELING ANGSTY

[gojonish]

one could only dream || ᵏᵃᵏᵘᶜʰᵒ

he told you he'd protect you. so why is he the one threatening your life right now?

pairing: kakucho hitto x fem!reader

context: szn three spoilers, angst (no comfort), character death, violence and guns, definitely some grammar/spelling mistakes

note: i quite literally forgot the name of this timeline oops

growing up, you and kakucho were inseparable.

ever since the day you met him at the convenience store, you knew he was going to be your other half. despite you being a big figure in toman and him being tenjiku's second in command, both of you still figured out a way to be together.

now that you two were older, your relationship had taken the next step. you officially moved in with him and left all the gang stuff behind, wanting to live a nice and quiet life.

kakucho still stayed in a gang, but you didn't mind it. he knew how to separate his work and personal life, which you were grateful for. you were also thankful he didn't bring up his best friend, izana, because you absolutely despised him. you still hadn't forgiven him for plotting emma's death.

but somehow you could forgive kakucho and you didn't know why.

maybe it was the way he kissed you so gently and held you so warmly. maybe it was the way he told you he loved you every single day. maybe it was the way he put your safety first, promising to protect you from anything and anyone.

so why was he pointing a gun at you right now?

you thought he cared about you- he loved you. he told you he'd protect you.

one could only dream.

two hours earlier

"when are you and your man going to get married? i swear, you guys are attached at the hip at this point."

you and your friend were currently hanging out at a cafe, the coffee in your hands still steaming hot.

you chuckled, "to be honest, i think he's hiding something from me."

your friend gasped, "no way! do you think he's hiding a ring?"

"maybe! i don't know! i don't wanna get my hopes up," you smiled thinking about how kakucho had been oddly suspicious lately.

"girl, trust me, that man is head over heels for you. what has he been doing that makes you so suspicious of him?"

you pursed your lips, "well, he's been a lot more nervous around me recently. i don't know why!"

"it's definitely cause he's scared to propose."

"kaku's always been nervous about things like that. it took him all his courage to ask me to be his girlfriend."

"okay, say he proposes tomorrow. are you ready for marriage?"

marriage?

you've been with kakucho for years. you know he could be an amazing husband, with his caring nature and loving aspects.

"yeah," you smiled, "i'd love for him to be my husband."

"it won't be long before kids start coming too."

you spit out the coffee you were drinking, "okay that's a little too far into the future!"

she laughed at your reaction, but you couldn't help but think of having a family with kakucho. him taking care of the kids and taking them to school. you could get used to a life like that.

one could only dream.

after coming back from the cafe, you entered your and kakucho's house.

you should've known something was wrong when you saw izana's shoes on the doorstep.

"kaku? i saw your car out, are you home?" your voice rang out through the house.

no answer.

you exhaled and called out kakucho's name again, but he still didn't answer. from the window, you saw small droplets of water drip down the clear glass.

"hm, it's raining."

looking away from the window, you glanced over at the living room to see if there was any evidence of him being there.

that was when you saw it.

your white couch, stained with something red. it wasn't a lot of blood, just a smidge of it.

something was wrong.

"kaku?" you called out as you ran upstairs, trying to find him.

that was when you heard a grunt coming from your master bedroom.

you swallowed the lump in your throat and pushed open the door to see your boyfriend, bloodied and beaten up. izana was right next to him, smiling at the kakucho while whispering sayings to him.

"kaku?" you called out and ran to him, "oh my god, kaku what happened?"

ignoring the white-haired man beside you, you cupped kakucho's face and examined his injuries. "who did this to you? oh my gosh, you have bruises everywhere, what happened?"

you didn't notice that kakucho didn't give you a single glance when you came into the room. when he finally looked at you, his eyes were blank. it looked like the life had been sucked out of them.

you had no choice but to get answers from the male next to you, "kurokawa, what happened?"

the white-haired man just shrugged and smiled, "he seemed to forget what his priorities in life were. i had to reteach them to him."

"you did this to him?"

izana nodded, causing your hand to fly up and slap him across the face. you clenched your jaw, raising your hand to do it again when someone grabbed your wrist to stop you.

kakucho did.

"kaku, let go! he hurt you!" you wriggled in his grip, but he was too strong.

"stop, y/n, he's right. i have forgotten what's important in this world."

"baby, what are you talking about?"

he let go of your wrist and glared at you. there was a certain look in his eyes, a look you knew was dangerous.

you were scared.

"you," he started, "are a problem."

"don't problems need to be taken care of?"

"what?" was the only thing you could muster out.

"he met takemitchy the other day," izana said from behind you, "it was a real eye-opener for him."

kakucho spoke, "takemichi is an obstacle and only causes problems, so-"

"i killed him."

you stared at kakucho, tears starting to build up in your eyes, "k-kaku, i thought you said you didn't kill."

he ignored what you said, "you- you are causing problems because you are distracting. you distract me from izana's real goal. you distract me from izana. i am loyal to only izana."

it sounded like he was trying to convince himself of that too.

you were panicking. this wasn't your kakucho. your kakucho wouldn't look at you like that. your kakucho wouldn't say these things.

"kaku-"

there's a gun. he pulled it out of his pocket. you didn't even notice he had one on him.

he's pointing it at you. his finger is on the trigger.

"did kurokawa say something to you? is that why you're like this?"

"i only told him what was right. it seemed like he was living some fairytale with you, so i told him to get rid of you," izana smiled, "kakucho, do it."

you saw kakucho's lips go into a fine line, then replied, "yes, izana."

you didn't feel it at first. you didn't know why but you just didn't. it wasn't until a few seconds later that you felt your breathing intensify and red liquid trickle onto your skin. you dropped to the ground, small and quick breaths escaping your mouth.

kakucho crouched near you, watching as the life slowly left you eyes.

"k-kaku," you mustered out, tears running down your face, "i loved you. i always l-loved you. how could you do this?"

he let out a heavy sigh, "i'm sorry, y/n."

"i w-wanted to marry you," you choked and saw your vision get blurry.

he sighed, "one could only dream, y/n."

he shut your eyes after seeing you breathe out your last breath and stood back up.

"one could only dream,” he repeated softly, not knowing if he was saying it to you or to himself this time.

[arsenicflame]

It's a time-honoured tradition- every time Sam comes across Izzy (and Ed) in their travels, he asks Izzy to marry him. And every time, Izzy turns him down.

At this point, Sam is asking more for the sake of it than any belief Izzy will ever say yes, a remnant of childhood dedication touched with 30 years of heartbreak and regret- though even now, a small part of him still holds out hope. Sam's promises have only got more extravagant over the years, from a job as his first mate, to a captaincy, a fleet at his command, a whole fucking island if that's what Izzy wants- but he knows it isn't though, not really. If Izzy was ever going to agree to marry him, to leave his life and go with Sam, it wouldn't be for anything Sam could offer him. Izzy never did care for flashy shows of wealth, for a ship or to be captain. The only thing that ever mattered to him was loyalty given, and loyalty shown in return. 

It all comes to a head after Stede left and came back, after Izzy lost a toe, lost his leg. Sam hasn't seen him since before things with Ed started to really slide off the rails, before stress permanently set into the lines of Izzy’s face. So, when he sees a dishevelled man with a hoof for a leg in a no-name port, he doesn't even consider the idea that he might know him. It's only when he turns towards him, and Sam catches a glance at those oh too familiar tattoos, he realises this is Izzy, his Izzy, that stands before him.

Knowing Izzy's discomfort with pity, he doesn't treat him any differently than he would in years gone by, positioning himself in Izzy's line of sight before approaching and sweeping him up into a bone crushing hug. 

“Israel-goddamn-Hands!” he exclaims, as Izzy grumbles back a begrudging “Samuel-fucking-Bellamy”, a tradition almost as old as their friendship itself. Izzy might not hug him back, but he can’t keep the corner of his mouth from twitching, just for a second.

(If Sam holds Izzy a little tighter and a little longer than usual, well. That's his business)

By the time Sam lets go, most of the crew has appeared in the town square, drawn in by the commotion. They may have given Izzy his leg and welcomed him as one of them, but still there’s an underlying tension, with nobody quite ready to set aside everything that happened before the Kraken. Seeing him cosying up to an unknown man sets everyone on edge, unsure whether to come to their first mate’s aid, or to assume that they've been betrayed once again.

When Ed sees that the yelling was Sam, his hand goes tense where it's held in Stede's. He knows the routine, has seen it more times than he can count, but as he watches them part he realises that this is the first time in a long time he's unsure of what Izzy's response will be.

Knowing that something’s different, knowing that Izzy's feeling vulnerable already, Sam doesn't go for the same flashy proposal he’s been giving for years. He doesn't promise Izzy the world, he doesn't cause a scene (or, any more of a scene than he already has, anyway). He looks at the fractured man in front of him, takes his face in his hands, and says the exact same thing to him he said when they were little more than boys. “Israel, I have to ask you. I know what you'll say, but I have to try. Come with me. Marry me and sail away with me. I'll keep you safe”

And Izzy… hesitates. He glances over at Ed, at Stede, and says to Sam “...We’re staying in port for a week. Ask me again then”

That's the moment Sam knows there is something deeply, horribly, wrong. He's not just looking at an Izzy who got seriously injured in a fight and is struggling to cope, this is something so much bigger than that- and that Ed has something to do with it. Izzy wouldn't even be considering leaving if he didn't. Whether it was negligence or something more sinister, Sam doesn't yet know, but he intends to find out.

[ulteri0rm0tives]

yeah. this is about the temperance ending. actively losing my mind thinking about what it might be like post game for johnny.

the context from the analysis im writing about him would put a lot of this more into perspective, but i need to get this out now. all we need to know is johnny is a creature of habit operating off of shame, grief, and, yes, even guilt.

(CW: couple brief mentions of substance abuse (nothing explicit))

=--{}

Now, does he frame it as remorse? Probably not. Does he ever actually say things like 'sorry'? Mmmah. Does he feel it though? Yeah. Yeah, he does. (I'm firmly on the side of 'Johnny is not some unfeeling asshole'.)

I can go on a whole thing about his guilt but I'm lazy so I'll just point to one of the easiest examples. Alt. I feel like that says enough for itself. Does he blame himself because he got her killed for pulling the cord when he shouldn't have? No. Does he blame himself for getting her killed because of '''his connections to Arasaka'''? Yeah. Yeah he does.

And with that guilt comes grief which manifests as anger for him (evidently). Anger he uses to further his agenda against Arasaka. His grief is angry and violent and quite literally explosive, resulting in shitty, shitty coping mechanisms.

And I'm putting this in the context of the temperance ending, and I just can't stop thinking about it. How V is another person to give their life for him (his army buddy). That he got killed (Alt). And it's gotta be such a mindfuck for Johnny.

I feel like he wants to treat the body with respect, this thing that deserves reverence. In a way of honoring V and his memory almost. But this body is also a permanent reminder of any and all guilt/grief he's felt in his life, a physical manifestation of it.

He looks in the mirror and he constantly sees the lives given up for his.

Johnny loved V, and I'm not even saying romantically. Johnny truly cared for V. He expresses this at the bridge when he opens up and he tells V straight up how he's scared for them. He pleads the whole time you try to cross that bridge because this isn't what he wanted. He wanted to save you. You're life meant the most to him. In a selfish literal way, yes, but I truly think he developed a genuine bond/care for V that is quite literally inhumanely possible for any other person to achieve.

They've seen parts of each other no one else has or even could. Johnny especially, for how guarded he always was. And at the end of the day, all they could do was accept each other for who they were. V ends up liking Johnny just as he is, not something many people in Johnny's life could do (for good reasons admittedly). Johnny ends up liking V, something he didn't allow himself much of, getting close to people.

And to think. The one person who truly accepted you for you, not only tolerated all your bullshit, but liked you for it in spite of, is gone now. They gave up their life for you. You 'killed' them. An inevitability spurred from the day you were slotted in their head and saved their life and ultimately doomed them for it.

That's a lot of guilt to carry. Johnny's shit at coping with guilt. He abuses substances to the point he's switching out livers like nothing, fucking whoever whenever, constantly putting himself in high stakes situations. All these self endangerments to keep him running from all this guilt.

And he doesn't want to do that to V. He still sees them in the mirror and he still hears them when he talks and their smile is still theirs. V never really left him, they're right there right now looking himself in the eyes.

But Johnny's a creature of habit. Decades old patterns and shit coping is something already really difficult to break. That, coupled with the fact he's essentially blacklisted from Night City and so, so isolated makes it even more so. Isolated now more than he ever was before, much more than he ever did to himself.

And I'd like to think he really tries in the first few months, to treat V with that respect the merc gave up their life for. But it's hard. Life and the world isn't what he knew anymore. He doesn't have anyone. He has no support system. He's still a highly traumatized vet. Sure, The Hand not being there anymore probably helps him manage, but it's not like that was the only thing that caused or exacerbated the traumas of being a literal child soldier. He still carries those memories with him everywhere he goes.

Plus, vets without support systems find it hard to integrate back into civilian life. And here Johnny is, having to do it for the second time in his life, in a world not like the old one he knew, in a society that doesn't operate the same anymore, without the people he cared for (no matter how misguided that care was, no matter the reasons or how much he lied to himself about that fact).

And those shit coping mechanisms from his past life? Yeah, they feel familiar. They feel safe. They feel comfortable. There's a certain comfort traumatized brains find in the familiar, no matter how shitty it may be, it's something they'll subconsciously seek out unless properly dealt with and we all know his ass does not properly deal with anything.

So he really tries. He really does. But the stressors of having to settle into a new life, having to build a new one up, without support, without other people, without the one he loved (platonically and romantically and just as a person in general). The stressors of being the thing the one he loved gave up their life for. Yeah. It's getting to him. And he's slipping back into old, familiar habits of self destruction that feel safer than the guilt always peering at him from the mirror.

And it's a cycle of guilt that just feeds off of itself. Wanting to honor V and finding himself unable to. It's uncontrollable and he hates lacking control. But he's got an addictive personality, and the old addictive habits he slips back into is as compulsive as they are destructive and safe and easy and comfortable and predictable. As long as he doesn't get help for them, at least, and I don't think help would be easy to come by for him, due to both external and internal factors.

And he frames it, this slip into old patterns, as a weakness like he pretty much does with anything out of his control. And with this uncontrollable weakness comes shame, and with shame comes guilt. Over and over and over, cycle always turning and turning, feeding its own fire perpetual off itself.

I feel like Johnny just really unravels from all this pressure and stress coming from all sides and the weight of all this grief. I feel like he wants to be better, but now has no one to be better for, has no reason to be. Has no one to challenge him anymore. To be better for anyone but himself.

It's a downward grief fueled spiral. Now he has more anger than he's ever had before, than he's ever known what to do with, and he doesn't know where to put it. Not even anger at the world anymore, but at himself. He feels guilty and he blames himself and he feels angry for it. Angry that he feels guilty, angry that he feels to blame ('it was the kids own fucking choice'). Angry that he did this to V.

It's a grief he'll run from like he always done, with the only way he knows how to.

And he wants to honor V by honoring the body, but that also means honoring himself.

And Johnny does try. Johnny loved V, after all. But Johnny has always hated himself more, and he's fucking selfish for it. He knows that.

It's something he's always been guilty of.

[smolandweirdwriter]

The bad kids are all best friends, but some of them don't have many canonical scenes together, and I think Adaine and Gorgug are the least seen with each other among the rare duos. But those two are pretty emotionally smart, so I think they'd realize that and decided to hang out

Got any ideas about shenanigans they might perform together?

adaine canonically loves gorgug's parents for their kindness to everyone, which especially shines through in how much they care for their son. throughout her freshman year, adaine would most often crash at gorgug's place. it was marginally closer to get to, and safer, at least compared to strongtower. the little folk are peaceful.

the first time Adaine was at Gorgug's house with all the others, Wilma and Digby noticed how formal, and then perplexed, and then saddened she was in the span of meeting them. when they overheard her say things like "wow your parents are so sweet!" and "I love your parents!" they weren't just proud or happy. at least, not only that. soon after they were a little concerned, especially with how eager she seemed about it. as though they were unconventional in their kindness. they asked gorgug about it afterwards, and he frowned a little. "I dunno," he said finally. "I think elf parents are kinda... mean to their kids? Like it's a cultural thing or something?"

Well, that definitely didn't sit well with Wilma and Digby. And it definitely didn't sit well with Gorgug, now that he realized it. He asked Adaine about it the next day, and she admitted it with a mixture of loathing and sharp self-awareness. She didn't cry, but she didn't exactly brush the issue off either. Gorgug didn't know what to do, he'd never had a friend, let alone one with abusive parents. He'd always thought his anger was a bad thing, but now it consumed him with unbridled outrage. He wanted to storm into the Abernant house and rip it apart with his bare hands. He wanted to take his friend behind him and keep her safe. He wanted to hug her so she was there with him and not alone and cold and scared and mad. She didn't need to be mad. She didn't deserve it.

But Gorgug knew he couldn't do any of that. So instead, he offered what he knew he could: "If you ever need some place to stay, you know where I live."

Adaine smiled. "Thanks, Gorgug. But I'll be alright."

A few days later, the bad kids had been out late on their quest to find out more about what would later be known as the Kalvaxus Caper. actually, they weren't even "out late". it was about 6pm, but school had let out around 3, so their parents were nonetheless reasonably worried about where the hell their children were.

as everyone was peeling off to head home, only adaine and gorgug were left. gorgug noticed adaine just standing there, not going home yet. "hey, what's wrong?" he asked.

"My parents are gonna kill me. I'm so late. The bus won't take me home now, it'll take forever to walk, we're halfway across town, I'll miss curfew because I was out adventuring --" she said "adventuring" like it was something to be mocked, something foolish that only a child would partake in "--I'm going to be grounded forever... I can't go home, Gorgug, I can't."

Gorgug cocked his head. Two choices, then. Take her home. Or... Take her home.

"You wanna, uh, stay over at my place?"

So Adaine followed Gorgug home. The Thistlesprings had cooked a thick, stewy soup with chunks of meat and vegetables that smelled amazing. They saw Adaine come in and quickly fixed her up a bowl alongside Gorgug's. Wilma and Digby ask her all sorts of questions -- What sort of magic does she do? Are her family wizards too? Where do they work? When do they leave home? How susceptible are they to gnomish-made ballista being fired right at them? What does she like to eat? She looks like she doesn't eat enough, she should come over more and they'll make her nice, home-cooked meals. hey, she used to go to Hudol, what was it like? What's Aguefort been like for her, is she liking it? how about the classmates, anyone nice outside her party? anyone very nice? has she had "the talk" yet--

at that point, gorgug's face goes bright red and he tugs adaine away before they can pull out The Binder. adaine giggles as she's led into gorgug's room. he offers her a pair of his pajamas, which are far too big on her, but she likes that. it's kind of like being wrapped up in gorgug's hugs--enveloped completely. she has to roll the sleeves all the way up so she can even get her fingers out, and the pants still trail on the ground a little.

they spend the rest of the night talking and chatting sprawled across gorgug's bed.

situations like this become far more common throughout freshman year. the thistlesprings want to adopt her, but she's not even technically a Solecian citizen, and it would make the whole "diplomatic immunity" thing so messy. she goes home on the weekends, because she has no choice, and when her parents get force her to stay home because "we're your family and we never see you. i swear, you're so ungrateful sometimes, adaine. what, is it so awful to have dinner with us?"

on her own, adaine begins learning orcish and gnomish so she and gorgug can talk, and so she can better thank and communicate with the thistlesprings. she teaches gorgug some elvish too, and they begin communicating by blending the three languages together in a way that makes no sense to anyone other than themselves.

for his part, it's gorgug who helps adaine become more physically strong, because he's worried about how angry his friend gets, and how that anger sometimes spirals into panic, or vice versa, so he teaches her how to throw a punch, how to block a hit, how to fight with a sword. he is never prouder than the moment he sees adaine's fist collide with her sister's face at ostentatia's party.

for her part, adaine and gorgug do homework together often when she's there, and it's by watching her do magic that gorgug becomes so enraptured by it. he's constantly asking her how spells work, how she knows what level she's casting them at, how she remembers them all. adaine attempts to explain it, and she does so by comparing it to his parents' tinkering. she's just putting pieces together and binding them--her "pieces" are less tangible, but they're still a part of the greater universe around them. gorgug really wants to learn wizardry, but he's not too fond of the abstract. he likes adaine's explanation, though. he begins thinking about tinkering. he begins thinking about machines and the tangible and the world and breaking things and putting them together and making something new. he thinks about family.

fig is an excellent lyricist, but she's not a very skilled composer. gorgug, meanwhile, it fantastic at putting lyrics to music. he loves it. he has just the right ear for it, for knowing where something needs a little aid, where he can boost something so it reaches its full potential. he's also a great backup vocalist. but he's sorta afraid to mention any of this to fig, because she invited him to be in her band, and she was so nice about helping him, and he doesn't wanna overstep. when shes over at his house one day, adaine sees a piece he's composed lying on the desk. she doesn't read it, to respect his privacy, but she notes that it's clearly composition, and asks about it. gorgug awkwardly admits that he's been working on something to go with a piece fig wrote, because, and not to imply he doesn't think fig's great, he loves fig so so so much and he's so grateful to be in her band, but, well, she composed about half the instrumental bits but they're just a little wonky and so he dabbled a little bit in pairing the lyrics with music, but please don't tell fig, adaine, it's not like I've done any better than she has or could.

adaine blinks. "you're awfully anxious, aren't you?" she smiles, sits down on the bed next to him, and says, "Gorgug, if you don't try, you're never going to know if it's any good at all."

so he shows his composition to fig. who immediately tackles him into a hug and screams "THIS IS PERFECT!"

Gorgug blushes and says, "Adaine helped me with it."

Fig recruits Adaine to help them write and compose. Adaine declines. "But if you ever need a tech person once you start really performing," Adaine says, "I'd love to do stage effects for you."

Actually, Adaine, as it turns out, does rather like helping Gorgug compose music. This stems from the fact that she grew up listening to exclusively pretentious high elven music, which she does rather like, but she also becomes pretty fond of heavy metal the likes of which gorgug blasts. she has a playlist called "studying evocation magic" that one would expect to be full of classical music. it's entirely head-slammer metal and rock that gorgug helped her compile.

Adaine goes to Gorgug a lot when she can't figure out spells. She gets lost in the little intricacies and complications of things, and he's very good at looking at the thing as a whole and seeing what's missing. he sees it very technically, which she finds relieving. so much of magic is abstract, but with gorgug everything is right with you, a physical thing.

when adaine kills her dad, gorgug isn't so sure she's okay. everyone else is cheering and hugging her, but gorgug has spent the most time around adaine's violence. her fear. he knows theres something deeper here. so when he gets a chance, he pulls her aside and asks how she's doing. adaine crumples into his side, sobbing, gripping his sweatshirt because it's soft and smells like grass and the woods and something else too, like going home after a long day, like people who want you to have clean clothes because they care about you and not your appearance. "Why did I have to kill him?" she asks, and he knows what she's really saying. Why did killing him have to be the only option?

"I don't know," he whispers. "Is it better that he's dead?"

Adaine swallows. Chokes on a lump of tears. Says: "I hope so."

gorgug and adaine who understand each other. gorgug and adaine who have sleepovers and climb the thistlespring tree and learn together. gorgug and adaine who have a secret language. gorgug and adaine who, of all the bad kids, know the least about their respective sexualities come junior year. riz and fig have been learning about aromaticism/asexuality and pansexuality since sophomore year, and kristen has been out since freshman year, and fabian has gotten over aelwyn and has confessed that he might have had the most massive crush on riz, and is still not over him, but that he really really doesn't want that to get in the way of their friendship, and that he supports riz's sexuality whole-heartedly, and he's realizing how lame his desperation for girls who treat people like shit is because he's realized he doesn't need to feel special just because someone who likes no one likes him, and he's falling for mazey, and that's okay.

but adaine and gorgug?

zelda breaks up with gorgug the summer of their junior year. and honestly? gorgug tells adaine in the workshop of the thistlespring tree late at night as they work together on the solar lasso. i sort of always saw it coming.

there is a dull hum of arcane electricity around them. save that, all is silent. silent, when adaine thinks about how people should care and don't and fall apart and break and how you can want to love someone and still run away. she does not understand it.

did you love her? she whispers, not looking over at him as her fingers turn a a piece of scrap metal over and over, not working on anything, not trying to fix anything. just hoping. just wishing. just wanting to know what love is.

i think i liked that she liked me, gorgug said. and i think i liked being around her. and i liked the... he glances over, blushing. Sorry. Riz is not vocal about his asexuality, and most of the time he is quietly uncaring when they talk about sex. it doesn't bother him to hear about--it's a part of life. still, gorgug tries to keep the others from talking about it around him. adaine, gorgug does not know if she's ace or not, and doesn't care if she is or isn't, but she gets uncomfortable, even a little disgusted, around talks of such things, so he tries to keep them to a minimum for her, too.

but this night, adaine shakes her head, her glasses glinting in the darkness. it's okay. you liked her. you liked sex. but did... what did... she clenches the scrap of metal in her fist, frustrated at her inability to form the proper words. the metal bends and crumples in her palm, and she blinks, unfurling her fingers to see broken shards of metal in her hand. she is still not used to her own strength. she has still not realized she's not really the girl she was years ago. but she is learning who she is, and maybe that's okay too. what was it like? liking someone that way? wanting someone... that way?

it was nice, gorgug says back. it was really nice. he shakes his head. but i think it was more than just... physical. i think she fell in love with me because i was nice to her. and she... sometimes she acted like that niceness was something i only did for her. and if i cared about other people, it was like i didn't care about zelda enough? or something? and i didn't really like that. and she didn't really like that i... that we...

that you were something other than zelda donovan's boyfriend? adaine offers.

he nods. yeah. a pause. i really liked her, though.

adaine taps his hand with hers. a question. he slips his fingers into hers. an answer. she squeezes. he squeezes back. I'm sorry.

gorgug comes out to adaine first of all their friends. he's bi, he tells her. adaine, not sure what to say, goes: "Congratulations". They both laugh. she still doesn't know what she is. she's still not sure she wants a label. he tells her that's okay. she asks if he came out because he has a crush on someone in his fancy new artificer class. gorgug blushes and shoves her playfully. (when he kisses unit later that year, adaine is unsurprised. he seems like gorgug's type.)

when oisin's ruse is revealed much later that year, adaine is not sad. she isn't hurt. she's violently, horrifically angry. so is gorgug.

they are on a boat. they might die. Oisin's voice rings out, Oisin's call. Adaine's face blanches, and Gorgug understands that whatever he messaged her, it means someone is about to die. and it won't be adaine.

it will be a white dragon, to his axe. it will be another, hit by the boat. it will be oisin, it will be oisin, it will be oisin. it will be oisin, for his friend who did not know what love felt like. it will be oisin, for his friend who did not know if she wanted to kiss someone. it will be oisin, for his friend who is easy to love. it will be oisin who dies, and he will enjoy it. and rage is not bad, because rage protected adaine, who should not have needed to protect herself.

and after everything has calmed down, they will eat ants on a log in his bedroom and write music and practice magic and spar and laugh.

oh, also: adaine and gorgug both get overstimulated easily, and gorgug always has a plethora of headphones and fidgets, and adaine goes to him for them constantly. they also both conducted an experiment together once where they attempted to communicate with people inside her jacket. it didn't go super well, but it was certainly fun!

and of course, adaine/ayda/gorgug friendship is a top-tier one. fig's magic is innate, but the trio's magic comes from studying and observing, and they all like to talk about it. sometimes they gossip. sometimes it's about fig. it's never mean--actually, usually it's just about how much they like fig. but they all get together pretty often to just jam out some spell stuff together.

[inadvisablebutinevitable]

do you ever cry about the fact that so many people in Jean’s lives are “could have been’s” like this doesn’t really make sense but bear with me here.

the most obvious one is Kevin right? The one who got away? Who chose his freedom over Jean and doomed them to a forever complex relationship of mutual love and conflicting resentment. “It was always you” but one sided, the reason Jean is alive and yet they cannot connect without the past haunting them both. “If the lord does not recover, Riko will take his anger and grief out on everyone around him.”

“Good thing you’re not there anymore”

“Jean still is”

and then, obviously there’s Neil, right? The misplaced forever partner, who was so savage to Jean at the banquet but in their hour of need they had each other’s backs at the nest. Another “could have been” who again chose freedom over servitude and left Jean there to face the aftermath of his chaos

Renee, “right person wrong time”, “in another life”, the girl who kept him sane after Kevin and Neil both left him, who saved his LIFE when she rescued him from the nest. Renee, who dropped everything in the middle of the night to break into Edgar Allen and DEMAND to see Jean. “If he’d been going to say anything else, he forgot it when he got a good look at Renee.” Renee being another one of Jean’s “nonstop temptations”. He still wears her cross necklace and keeps her picture at his desk. I’m going insane

didn’t Nora say that if Andrew and Jean had the chance, they probably would have gotten on quite well?

it feels evil to include her in this list but Eloide. Don’t make me say anything else.

“One sister, four years younger. I haven’t spoken to her since I left home,”

“You should try and reconnect.”

“what does this plan mean for my sister?”

“Did you think you were special?”

[galactic-rhea]

Thoughts on Padmé x Anakin x Rex?

Padmé and Anakin are so mutually obssesed they would first have to check into that before trying to bring another person to their carefully-balanced-kind-of-damage or something it's going to explode.

Honestly it's a fun ship! But I don't have too many thoughts about them because when I consider them is usually in very low-stakes-fun-AU-scenarios.

And I'm actually a bit of a fan of Rexwalker myself! Athough I tend to like them more as very good buddies, the covering-for-you-dynamic it's so funny for them, lol It's also angsty and complicated because, y'know, the power-imbalance and unchecked trauma? Is funny that the clone that's actually a slave for the republic is the most normal if you bring him into the anidala romance circus.

Also shout out to @phoenixyfriend , she has a lot of rexanidala fics and recs for anyone interested reading this!

[kroosluvr]

look back (celeste version)

[honeycreammilkshake]

there will be cake.

i finally finished my first fic, and it's greenflame! it takes place between possession and skybound. i spent a few days on it and i'm still not satisfied... it still feels a bit ooc and amateur to me, but please let me know what you think. here it is...

Sitting down for dinner with the other ninja, Kai had no intention of talking about anything serious, let alone marriage, and especially not how he should go about proposing to Lloyd. But picking at his bowl of chili, he looked around to his friends, watching them talk about their day with animated expressions and exaggerated hand gestures, observing Cole and Jay arguing about every detail of their training so they could trade insults while blushing whenever anyone (mostly Zane) pointed out just how closely they'd have to be watching each other to know such minor things about their routines. And when Kai glanced over to his sister she was already glancing his way with an exasperated smirk at Cole and Jay's antics.

The only absent one was Lloyd. The Green Ninja was training late, as usual, pushing himself to his limits. The perfectionism was at first a little annoying for Kai, who tended to take any show of exertion as a competition against him, but overtime he'd learned to accommodate his boyfriend, who was typically late to dinner or outings with the rest of them. The pressure Lloyd must have felt, every single day, to not only lead the rest of them but to also make his pretty much godly ancestors proud of him had been grinding on him even more as of late, and Kai didn't want to add to their young leader's troubles. Still though… after their last battle, almost losing Lloyd to possession had made him keenly aware of how fragile the normalcy of all their lives were.

At any time, they could find themselves under attack once more. Ninajo had a reputation for attracting the most dark-hearted, vengeant, and power-hungry of villains, and Kai had to wonder if there was some kind of sign posted out for all the tyrants coming to seize this particular place. Something massive and neon was advertising how siegable and conquerable this entire land was somewhere, he was sure.

But as a ninja, bound and entangled with all the rest of his team (a fate he would never want reversed or changed in any way), he knew he would lay down his life for any one of his friends if it ever came down to it. And, naturally, he knew in his heart that no matter how much he teased or gave Lloyd trouble, he would stand behind that completely unhinged god-in-training no matter what. Wherever Lloyd led him, he would follow. And it was because of this that he knew he had to make their relationship even more official, even more sacred, so that when villains like Morro or Chen or the rest came knocking again, Kai would know there was still a chance at a normal life, even a small part of it, in their own lives. That he could say that Lloyd was his in more way than one and come back home to that small piece of stability.

Now, watching his friends continue to taunt and push each other, a warm feeling suddenly overtook Kai, not unlike the sensation he got whenever he drank a nice cup of Wu's tea. He felt it blossom inside of him, a hot and protective surge that came whenever he thought of the others, especially Lloyd. He knew he could trust them completely, he could ask anything of them and they wouldn't treat him any differently for it.

So it was without any filter that he found himself asking, "Guys, if I were to hypothetically propose to someone… someone who's very uhm… career-driven and practically all-powerful, how would I go about asking them to do something absolutely ordinary like marriage?"

A small silence briefly overtook the table as the others, except for Cole who was still digging into his plate without interest in anything else, glanced around towards each other. Nya, on Kai's left side, was completely still all of a sudden and opposite him Zane and Jay exchanged looks.

Just as the stillness was starting to become unnerving, Zane, always practical, broke in, "Logically the best way would be to—"

"Oh my gosh, you guys," Jay all but shrieked. "Kai and Lloyd are going to get married!"

"Wait what????" Kai burst out, feeling his cheeks start to heat up. "I didn't say anything about—"

"Oh please," Jay scoffed, rolling his eyes. "You're the fire ninja, Kai, so whatever you're trying to cover up, you still burn holes right through it." He was picking at his bowl of chili delicately, like most of its contents offended him, and by the way he had complained about every other dish Cole had prepared for them, you would think it was genuine. But Kai knew the Blue Ninja would sneak lots of extra helpings of Cole's meals whenever he thought they weren't looking. And seeing as how most of Cole's food was… to put it plainly… bad, Kai knew it was because Jay was simply (and not so secretly) completely crazy for the Earth Master.

"You guys thought it was such a secret, but we could all tell what you were up to," Jay continued, matter of fact, then smirked. "The walls here are really thin, you know."

Kai groaned and buried his face in hands. "Okay," he sighed out. "So what if it is Lloyd?"

"I knew it!" Zane exclaimed from Cole's side, face lighting up. When the others looked to him, he explained, "Pixal told me they have a 95% compatibility rate. Lloyd's sensitivity and high emotional intelligence counterbalances Kai's hotheadedness and temper—"

"Yeah yeah we get it," Kai huffed, feeling called out.

"My vitals monitors indicate that your heart-rate speeds up whenever Lloyd appears," Zane added helpfully. "My data also suggests that Lloyd's libido increases whenever he watches you training."

Beside him, Nya made a choking sound. "Oh my god," she gasped, wiping away dribbles of water from her lips. "Please never say libido again, Zane."

Despite the embarrassment at having his secret relationship exposed so quickly, Kai couldn't help the way that information stroked his ego. All the time that little brat had been claiming to watch so closely to point out errors in Kai's form (as he always did) he was secretly checking Kai out shamelessly. It made him flush with more than a little contentment, but he got a hold of himself quickly, and managed to grit out, "Okay guys, that's enough."

"Where would they even get married though?" Jay pushed on, ignoring Kai entirely.

"Somewhere big enough for all of us," Zane pointed out. "I can compile a list of popular wedding locations and analyze them for suitability."

"No no," Jay dismissed, whipping his spoon around passionately so that a bit of chili hit Kai in the face. He wiped it off with a grimace as Jay continued to lecture Zane. "It should be somewhere perfect for the both of them..." Jay bit down on the handle of his spoon and then grinned widely at Kai. "I know just the place—my parent's junkyard!"

Kai blinked, caught off-guard. "Jay, I'm not marrying Lloyd in a junkyard—"

Across the table, Cole's face finally unfused from his plate long enough for him to shout, "Will there be cake? I'll definitely come if there's cake!"

"Always thinking with your stomach, right Cole?" Jay snarked. But the Earth Master chose to ignore him, much to Jay's disappointment.

As the others continued to conspire Lloyd and Kai's wedding, loudly describing each lavish detail — "Lloyd should wear all red so Kai can wear all green... and there should be dragons!!!" Jay contributed while Zane added, "Kai should put Lloyd in his lap and ride in on one to the ceremony" and Cole piped in, "And there should be triple stacked cake afterwards!" — Kai's ears picked up shuffled movement in the hallway. He sat up straight. Wu and Misako were out getting "vital" supplies like flavored tea and herbal medicines — old people errands — and they weren't expecting anyone else to come calling. It could only be Lloyd.

Getting that sensation he got whenever he was about to be cornered, he felt himself start to panic. "Guys, if you don't shut up now, I swear I'll send every single one of you to the Cursed Realm," Kai hissed out. "I don't even care if we're on the same team — you will all be banished for your crimes. This conversation is over."

But, of course, cause everything and everyone hated Kai, this was the exact conversation Lloyd chose just that moment to walk in on.

With a short glance around to the other ninja, he came into the room and a crushing silence followed as they all tracked him with their eyes. He walked casually, carrying a bowl laden with an excessive amount of Cole's chili (which wasn't that bad but it also wasn't that good either, so Kai felt Lloyd had filled it to the brim subconsciously) and settled down in his usual spot to the right of Kai, slowly lifting his spoon to his lips…. Lips that were twisted up in an unmistakable smirk, the one Kai knew and adored so well, that he loved to bite on — but right now, seeing the way it melted away the usual prim and proper princely beauty of Lloyd's face into the wild rawness of the conceded brat he really was, all Kai could think was Lloyd knows…. He's been listening in on the whole thing!

"What's all this about cake?" Lloyd asked, oh so innocently, as if he didn't know already, and Kai kind of wanted to manhandle him right then and there for being such an unyielding brat.

But before Kai could say or do anything to grab at any sort of control over the conversation, Jay leaned in closer to Lloyd, conspiratorially settling his chin into his cupped hand like he was about to tell the world's greatest secret. With a hauntingly straight face he said, "Only that Kai can't keep his eyes off yours."

… And then everything kind of blew up in Kai's face.

Nya and Zane burst out laughing and Cole let out a bellowing huff before slapping Jay across the back so hard the Blue Ninja's face almost landed in his uneaten bowl of chili (Kai wished with his whole heart that it really had). Jay glared briefly at Cole but then the Master of Earth said, "I guess that's why they call you the Master of Shocks! That was a good one, Jay."

Pure pride swelled the Master of Shocks' chest, making him look just like a puffed up little blue jay — which he technically was… though Kai could barely register the humor of it as sticky hot embarrassment exploded inside of him.

"Oh wow you guys," Nya finally managed to gasp as she held her sides, like she could fall apart from the delicious humiliation of it all. She wiped at her eyes, choking out, "Look at Lloyd's cheeks — they look like cherries!"

Lloyd's mouth was pressed together tightly, and his cheeks were definitely a deep scarlet that Kai took some satisfaction in seeing, but he knew his own cheeks were probably just as red and burning twice as hot.

And of course Jay would point that out. "Guys, check out Kai's face — he's burning up!"

"Oh the irony," Nya giggled.

"Red ninja indeed!" Zane chimed in with a grin that practically spilled off his face. And in that moment, Kai had never been more certain in his life that he was surrounded by traitors. Enemies.

Kai ground his teeth together and finally managed to squeeze out some sort of response. "You're all banished."

The other ninja, minus a cherry-colored Lloyd, started laughing again as Kai sat there, gripping the edge of the table and plotting revenge. Only Cole made any kind of move towards redemption, leaning closer to both Lloyd and Kai to say, "You know we're just teasing you two… We're really happy to see you making things more official. And just so you know, I would love to be there for you, even if there no's cake for me."

"You do know the whole point is so that Kai gets to keep the cake just for himself, don't you?" Jay smirked.

Before Kai could set fire to either himself or Jay, Cole turned to the Blue Ninja and smiled. "Don't worry, sparky, I'll make sure to claim a cake for myself too," he said, and proceeded to reach over so he could grope Jay's ass as the smaller ninja let out a high-pitched squeak.

"Who's the Master of Shock now?" Zane grinned as Jay started choking.

Nya pursed her lips and said, "Really? Right in front of my chili?"

Kai moaned and buried his face in his hands as the entire table descended into chaos. But it died out quickly as Lloyd stood up, his face unreadable, that silken smirk of his erased from his lips. As Kai peeked up at him, he couldn't help but feel… reverent. Lloyd was strong, and fierce, and brave. And more than that… he was the magnet that kept them gravitating to him, to their destiny. Their fates were inexplicably tied to his for the rest of their lives. They all shared a bond deeper than mere friends: they were each other's counterparts and focal points and homes.

And nobody was more at home with Lloyd than Kai.

"Kai," Lloyd began, and Kai felt the air rush out him as soon as Lloyd turned those ember-bright eyes right on his face. "Do… do you really want to marry me?"

Kai's heart was pounding far too fast. It felt like the adrenaline spark right before a battle. "Of course," he managed.

The other ninja were finally fully silent, their eyes wide and watchful. Feeling bold, Kai pushed away from the table and stood right in front of his boyfriend. Then he sank to his knees, his eyes never leaving Lloyd's, and swallowed. "You know that all of us are bound to you, and all of us would protect you with our lives, just as you would do for us. But the bond I share with you runs even deeper. I promised you that I would protect you, and that I would follow where you lead me, that you could always rely on me, so I would like to ask you now… Will you let me follow you forever? Lloyd Montgomery Garmadon, will you marry me?"

In all that time, Lloyd and Kai didn't look away from each other. The others remained blissfully quiet, but there was a current of anticipation coursing through the room.

It felt like an age before Lloyd cleared his throat and said, "Of course I will.... Someone has to keep my cake away from Cole, after all."

Kai groaned but found himself grinning anyways. "You're insufferable," he told Lloyd and pushed up from the floor.

"That only means you're even more perfect a match," Nya pointed out from Kai's side, but she hugged her brother tightly, patting him on the back. They both knew how much this meant to him...

Lloyd and Kai returned to their places at the table and tried to resume eating normally, but they kept glancing over to each other until Jay scoffed and said, "You two, honestly, go get a room."

"Quiet, sparky, you'll get yours soon," Cole winked and Jay started to protest.

"If you think I have any interest at all in a dusty piece of rock like you—"

"Yeah yeah," Cole waved him off. "Keep pretending, bluey."

Lloyd laughed and reached over to offer his hand for Kai to hold. Kai took it gently, and didn't miss the way everyone stared at their joined hands, their fingers twining together.

"No matter what comes in the future, we'll face it together," Lloyd promised Kai, and they felt each other's pulses jump at his words.

Kai nodded, soaking up the way the light hit the pale gold of Lloyd's hair, making it look just like a glowing halo. This boy would be the death of him, he just knew it. He couldn't help the smile spreading across his face. He raised a spoonful of chili towards Zane, Cole, and Jay and gave his best unhinged grin. "The future looks bright for you and me both, but right now I say we take these three down for being so obnoxious," he suggested and Lloyd grinned too, wild and full of fire, just like Kai.

"What?" Zane sputtered. "I didn't do anything!"

"Wait!" Jay cried out. "But we helped you propose to him, Kai!"

Lloyd snorted while Kai rolled his eyes. "Sure you did," the Master of Fire said, then launched the first spoonful at Jay's surprised face.

"Food fight!!!" Nya cried, pounding her fist on the table before she upended her entire plate on Kai's head.

Kai gasped, shaking sticky shrimp out of his hair. Reaching up, he felt the clingy, pasty sauce of the dish matting his once-immaculate spikes, and he shrieked, "GET HER, LLOYD!"

With a roar, the table fell into chaos again. As the ninja threw handfuls of food at each other — except for Cole who sat there lamenting the waste of it all — Lloyd and Kai looked at each other and smiled. Everything that they had ever done, all that they had ever faced and clawed their way through, had been worth it for moments just like this. With a laugh, Kai leaned in and kissed Lloyd in front of everyone, not even caring to keep anything concealed anymore.

He didn't even care when Nya shouted, "Gross!" and splashed the rest of her water on them. With a smirk, he pulled Lloyd closer and set a palm to the boy's back to dry out his clothes.

"You know," Zane said afterwards, as everyone settled down. "Someone has to clean all this up before Master Wu returns."

"Not me!" Jay was the first shout.

"We will," Lloyd said calmly, volunteering an unwilling Kai before he could protest. "We started this after all."

"They had it coming," Kai argued but stopped when Lloyd cast him a sharp look.

"You said you'd follow wherever I lead," Lloyd reminded Kai, then smirked his signature smirk when Kai let out yet another groan.

"Alright then," Kai sighed. "Lead me to the dishes."

"Get used to this," Jay said smugly. "This is going to be married life for you from now on."

Cole stood up from his seat and brought the rest of his plate down, shrimp-first, on Jay's head. "And this is going to be married life with me," he promised the Master of Lightning and walked away smiling.

"Welcome to the family," Nya said to Lloyd before standing up from the table.

"Can't be crazier than my family," Lloyd called after her, then turned to Lloyd. "Well, let's get cleaning."

Kai sighed melodramatically but didn't complain. He had promised to follow Lloyd wherever he lead him, even if it was just to another mess to clean up. So he smiled as he knelt down to pick up pieces of dinner from the floor with Lloyd. He wouldn't have traded it for anything else.

[tyquu]

I go back through your Rebels art to feel again

Im glad to hear that man!! Happy feelings

[silverskye13]

Hi! So, update on your SoS propaganda campaign... it has worked frighteningly well on me. I finished the first 2 books in less than 2 weeks, which is impressive when you consider dyslexia is a thing. I'm currently only held back from devouring the third because of the library wait list. Impatience is making me chew on my non-existent shield. I might need to make fan art. Truly, you are a monster.

Yessssss yessssssssssssss

More people to suffer with me as we wait impatiently for the next book in the series to become available by whatever means.

Unrelated to the SoS, but Jorge keeps getting cameos in all the books, and I am desperate for him to get a boon of his own someday. Give me a story about the rakish ace dreaming god paladin with a heart of gold who would put his life in danger to help the silly berserkers. Please Kingfisher I beg--

Also since you've read book two, you've officially read my favorite book in the series congratulations! Istvan and Clara are a treasure. I am kissing them on the tops of their heads.

[potatobugz]

drawign.... dandys worl.... how do we feel about shrimpo angst

[spoopy-nevermore-dump]

Hey pssst hey. Have you ever considered: Montada?

I hate it, and it nearly killed my hyperfixation

But I understand my opinion on this may affect others, and many may be hurting from this episode soooooooooo

Art requests open

[madrabit]

for the kiss ask thing? :3 bonace, 25

Heho ✨️

So this has been sitting in my ask box for.... a while now. I'm very, very sorry for that, anon (and also sorry to everyone else still waiting), you've probably already forgotten about sending me that prompt, but sometime ago, I promised to fill all the kiss prompts I received and I will be doing that, it might just take a while.

This turned out way longer than intended and had slowly been evolving into a little 5 + 1. I will post the first chapter as an answer to this prompt, and every subsequent chapter will be posted on ao3, so if you want to keep up with it, you might wanna check it out there!

If you want me to write you something as well, you can send me a ship and a kiss 🩷 or a ship and a prompt ✨️ ( the second one is a spicier list)

Anyway, enjoy ☺️💖

25. ... as a yes (five times a kiss means yes and one time it means yes)

I.

It wasn't the first time it happened, but it was always rough watching it play out.

Nace could see Bojan start to shake the second they left the stage.

It was almost unnoticeable at first, a small thing that could easily be blamed on the adrenaline still rushing through all of them, making them giddy and restless.

But Nace noticed the difference as Bojan kept pacing the room after they all had a quick shower, not answering when Jure asked him if he also wanted something to snack or when Jan tried to talk to him.

Not a moment later, Bojan turned on his feet, heaving for breath as he stormed off in the direction of their backstage restroom. He was stumbling, bumping into one of the girls working at the venue and just rushed past her without apologizing, even when she tried talking to him.

Quickly, Nace followed him, throwing the girl a smile and a quick “sorry” and he barely managed to get to the door before Bojan was able to shut and lock it.

“Bojan, stop”, he said softly as the younger tried pushing the door closed, tried pushing him away and shutting everyone out to be alone in his panicked state.

It was surprisingly easy to open the door wide enough to squeeze through, even though Bojan was leaning against it to block entry, and when he finally got inside the little bathroom, Nace closed the door himself and locked it.

“Go away…”, Bojan mumbled, his quiet voice breaking at the end and he backed off until he hit the wall, sliding down on it until he ended up on the floor. A tiny sob ran through him and he hugged his legs close to his chest, burying his face in his knees to hide away as more and more tears fell.

“Oh Bojči”, Nace sighed softly, crouching down in front of the younger man, reaching out to touch his arm, but stopped, hand hovering in the air uselessly, not sure if he was allowed to touch him right now.

Carefully, he let his eyes wander over Bojan's shaking form, noticing how much smaller than usual he looked, how he barely seemed to hold on.

And Nace would love to just take him into his arms, shield him from whatever was making him feel this way, just like the first time Bojan was breaking apart after a gig at which he already had a panic attack on stage. Physical touch had helped before, had calmed him down enough to push through that feeling, but Nace didn't, couldn't, know if it was the same now, if Bojan wanted to be touched or comforted at all.

“Can I touch you?”, he asked gently, voice low and quiet to not startle the boy in the relative quiet of the tiny bathroom.

After a moment or an eternity, Bojan nodded, face still pressed against his knees and carefully, Nace reached out again, tracing his fingertips over Bojan's arm, watching goosebumps form on the clammy skin.

“It's okay, Bojč, I'm here…”

Bojan let out a tiny little noise, shifting slowly at first until suddenly Nace had an arm full of sobbing puppy. The force with which Bojan had thrown himself at him almost made them topple over, but he could regain his balance, wrapping his arms around Bojan's shoulders.

“Breathe with me”, he whispered, taking deep breaths and slowly, he felt Bojan try to follow his breathing pattern through sobs and raspy gasps for air.

Nace didn't know how long they were already sitting on the floor of the bathroom, just breathing together, but he was glad he could do this for his friend, could help him through the rough time he was having. That Bojan let him in, let Nace see him like this, vulnerable and raw, and was accepting his help and the comfort Nace was just all too willing to give him.

“Let's get you to the hotel, yes?”, he whispered into Bojan's ear as the smaller man finally seemed to calm down a bit, nuzzling his soft, freshly washed hair and Bojan nodded against his shoulder.

Fingers dug in his back when he stood up, pulling Bojan with him, who was clinging to him like a lifeline, face now pressed against Nace's neck and in less than a few minutes he managed to guide the still shaking singer through the backstage area, outside and into the van after asking Kiki to quickly drive them to back to their accommodation.

On the drive, Bojan was clutching a bucket, head hanging low between his shoulders as a sudden wave of sickness hit him once the car set into motion while Nace soothingly rubbed his back. Gently, he let his hand run through still slightly wet hair, talking in a low voice, babbling about everything and nothing, just so Bojan could ground himself with a familiar voice, and could ignore the shaking of the car and the bumpy roads they had to take.

Kiki dropped them off with a worried glance, telling Nace he'll have the others collect their stuff, which Nace knew Kris had already done as soon as he saw the bassist steer an unresponsive Bojan to the private back entrance of the venue.

Once they made it back to Bojan's hotel room, Nace made quick work of stripping the smaller man of the clothes he had thrown on after his shower at the venue, putting him in some shorts and a large shirt instead and then carefully tucked Bojan into bed after getting him to drink a few sips of water.

Nace was about to get up from where he sat on the edge next to his friend, ready to go to his own room and let Bojan have some privacy, but before he could even make a move, a tentative hand wrapped around his wrist, tugging on his arm to make him look back down at the boy.

The shaking has gone down for the most part, replaced by little yawns and sniffling, tears almost all dried up. But the anxious stare in his eyes showed how much Bojan was still shaken up, still not completely out of the spiral and Nace was afraid Bojan would get dragged under again the second he was alone with his own thoughts.

“Stay?”, the younger man croaked out, clearing his throat and Nace took a deep breath, thinking about it for a moment, even though he already knew he wouldn't be able to say no, not when wide doe eyes looked up at him, practically begging him for comfort.

Without thinking too much, he leaned down, pressing a soft kiss to Bojan's forehead.

“Scoot over”, he chuckled as he kicked off his shoes and pants, sliding under the covers as soon as Bojan lifted them for him.

Once he was settled, the singer turned to face him and instinctively, Nace wrapped him up in his arms, pulling him closer and tucking him right under his arm, while Bojan put his head on Nace's chest.

“Thank you, Nacko”, Bojan mumbled into his shirt, rubbing the tip of his nose over Nace's pec, wrapping his arms around the older man and squeezing him like a life sized teddy bear. Nace felt a fond feeling spread through him as Bojan's breath slowly evened out and the younger soon fell asleep.

Check it out on ao3

[3416]

are you normal or do you wake up every day and think about this

[windor-truffle]

...I wrote another fan fic 😅 Third one this week. This is not a flex it is a cry for help 😅

[crows-spirit]

IM Inktober

Day 11: Puddle