#IM SORRY I WAS FEELING ANGSTY

[gojonish]

one could only dream || ᵏᵃᵏᵘᶜʰᵒ

he told you he'd protect you. so why is he the one threatening your life right now?

pairing: kakucho hitto x fem!reader

context: szn three spoilers, angst (no comfort), character death, violence and guns, definitely some grammar/spelling mistakes

note: i quite literally forgot the name of this timeline but it was the timeline where kakucho kills takemichi and naoto yk yk

growing up, you and kakucho were inseparable.

ever since the day you met him at the convenience store, you knew he was going to be your other half. despite you being a big figure in toman and him being tenjiku's second in command, both of you still figured out a way to be together.

now that you two were older, your relationship had taken the next step. you officially moved in with him and left all the gang stuff behind, wanting to live a nice and quiet life.

kakucho still stayed in a gang, but you didn't mind it. he knew how to separate his work and personal life, which you were grateful for. you were also thankful he didn't bring up his best friend, izana, because you absolutely despised him. you still hadn't forgiven him for plotting emma's death.

but somehow you could forgive kakucho and you didn't know why.

maybe it was the way he kissed you so gently and held you so warmly. maybe it was the way he told you he loved you every single day. maybe it was the way he put your safety first, promising to protect you from anything and anyone.

so why was he pointing a gun at you right now?

you thought he cared about you- he loved you. he told you he'd protect you.

one could only dream.

two hours earlier

"when are you and your man going to get married? i swear, you guys are attached at the hip at this point."

you and your friend were currently hanging out at a cafe, the coffee in your hands still steaming hot.

you chuckled, "to be honest, i think he's hiding something from me."

your friend gasped, "no way! do you think he's hiding a ring?"

"maybe! i don't know! i don't wanna get my hopes up," you smiled thinking about how kakucho had been oddly suspicious lately.

"girl, trust me, that man is head over heels for you. what has he been doing that makes you so suspicious of him?"

you pursed your lips, "well, he's been a lot more nervous around me recently. i don't know why!"

"it's definitely cause he's scared to propose."

"kaku's always been nervous about things like that. it took him all his courage to ask me to be his girlfriend."

"okay, say he proposes tomorrow. are you ready for marriage?"

marriage?

you've been with kakucho for years. you know he could be an amazing husband, with his caring nature and loving aspects.

"yeah," you smiled, "i'd love for him to be my husband."

"it won't be long before kids start coming too."

you spit out the coffee you were drinking, "okay that's a little too far into the future!"

she laughed at your reaction, but you couldn't help but think of having a family with kakucho. him taking care of the kids and taking them to school. you could get used to a life like that.

one could only dream.

after coming back from the cafe, you entered your and kakucho's house.

you should've known something was wrong when you saw izana's shoes on the doorstep.

"kaku? i saw your car out, are you home?" your voice rang out through the house.

no answer.

you exhaled and called out kakucho's name again, but he still didn't answer. from the window, you saw small droplets of water drip down the clear glass.

"hm, it's raining."

looking away from the window, you glanced over at the living room to see if there was any evidence of him being there.

that was when you saw it.

your white couch, stained with something red. it wasn't a lot of blood, just a smidge of it.

something was wrong.

"kaku?" you called out as you ran upstairs, trying to find him.

that was when you heard a grunt coming from your master bedroom.

you swallowed the lump in your throat and pushed open the door to see your boyfriend, bloodied and beaten up. izana was right next to him, smiling at the kakucho while whispering sayings to him.

"kaku?" you called out and ran to him, "oh my god, kaku what happened?"

ignoring the white-haired man beside you, you cupped kakucho's face and examined his injuries. "who did this to you? oh my gosh, you have bruises everywhere, what happened?"

you didn't notice that kakucho didn't give you a single glance when you came into the room. when he finally looked at you, his eyes were blank. it looked like the life had been sucked out of them.

you had no choice but to get answers from the male next to you, "kurokawa, what happened?"

the white-haired man just shrugged and smiled, "he seemed to forget what his priorities in life were. i had to reteach them to him."

"you did this to him?"

izana nodded, causing your hand to fly up and slap him across the face. you clenched your jaw, raising your hand to do it again when someone grabbed your wrist to stop you.

kakucho did.

"kaku, let go! he hurt you!" you wriggled in his grip, but he was too strong.

"stop, y/n, he's right. i have forgotten what's important in this world."

"baby, what are you talking about?"

he let go of your wrist and glared at you. there was a certain look in his eyes, a look you knew was dangerous.

you were scared.

"you," he started, "are a problem."

"don't problems need to be taken care of?"

"what?" was the only thing you could muster out.

"he met takemitchy the other day," izana said from behind you, "it was a real eye-opener for him."

kakucho spoke, "takemichi is an obstacle and only causes problems, so-"

"i killed him."

you stared at kakucho, tears starting to build up in your eyes, "k-kaku, i thought you said you didn't kill."

he ignored what you said, "you- you are causing problems because you are distracting. you distract me from izana's real goal. you distract me from izana. i am loyal to only izana."

it sounded like he was trying to convince himself of that too.

you were panicking. this wasn't your kakucho. your kakucho wouldn't look at you like that. your kakucho wouldn't say these things.

"kaku-"

there's a gun. he pulled it out of his pocket. you didn't even notice he had one on him.

he's pointing it at you. his finger is on the trigger.

"did kurokawa say something to you? is that why you're like this?"

"i only told him what was right. it seemed like he was living some fairytale with you, so i told him to get rid of you," izana smiled, "kakucho, do it."

you saw kakucho's lips go into a fine line, then replied, "yes, izana."

you didn't feel it at first. you didn't know why but you just didn't. it wasn't until a few seconds later that you felt your breathing intensify and red liquid trickle onto your skin. you dropped to the ground, small and quick breaths escaping your mouth.

kakucho crouched near you, watching as the life slowly left you eyes.

"k-kaku," you mustered out, tears running down your face, "i loved you. i always l-loved you. how could you do this?"

he let out a heavy sigh, "i'm sorry, y/n."

"i w-wanted to marry you," you choked and saw your vision get blurry.

he sighed, "one could only dream, y/n."

he shut your eyes after seeing you breathe out your last breath and stood back up.

"one could only dream,” he repeated softly, not knowing if he was saying it to you or to himself this time.

[arsenicflame]

It's a time-honoured tradition- every time Sam comes across Izzy (and Ed) in their travels, he asks Izzy to marry him. And every time, Izzy turns him down.

At this point, Sam is asking more for the sake of it than any belief Izzy will ever say yes, a remnant of childhood dedication touched with 30 years of heartbreak and regret- though even now, a small part of him still holds out hope. Sam's promises have only got more extravagant over the years, from a job as his first mate, to a captaincy, a fleet at his command, a whole fucking island if that's what Izzy wants- but he knows it isn't though, not really. If Izzy was ever going to agree to marry him, to leave his life and go with Sam, it wouldn't be for anything Sam could offer him. Izzy never did care for flashy shows of wealth, for a ship or to be captain. The only thing that ever mattered to him was loyalty given, and loyalty shown in return. 

It all comes to a head after Stede left and came back, after Izzy lost a toe, lost his leg. Sam hasn't seen him since before things with Ed started to really slide off the rails, before stress permanently set into the lines of Izzy’s face. So, when he sees a dishevelled man with a hoof for a leg in a no-name port, he doesn't even consider the idea that he might know him. It's only when he turns towards him, and Sam catches a glance at those oh too familiar tattoos, he realises this is Izzy, his Izzy, that stands before him.

Knowing Izzy's discomfort with pity, he doesn't treat him any differently than he would in years gone by, positioning himself in Izzy's line of sight before approaching and sweeping him up into a bone crushing hug. 

“Israel-goddamn-Hands!” he exclaims, as Izzy grumbles back a begrudging “Samuel-fucking-Bellamy”, a tradition almost as old as their friendship itself. Izzy might not hug him back, but he can’t keep the corner of his mouth from twitching, just for a second.

(If Sam holds Izzy a little tighter and a little longer than usual, well. That's his business)

By the time Sam lets go, most of the crew has appeared in the town square, drawn in by the commotion. They may have given Izzy his leg and welcomed him as one of them, but still there’s an underlying tension, with nobody quite ready to set aside everything that happened before the Kraken. Seeing him cosying up to an unknown man sets everyone on edge, unsure whether to come to their first mate’s aid, or to assume that they've been betrayed once again.

When Ed sees that the yelling was Sam, his hand goes tense where it's held in Stede's. He knows the routine, has seen it more times than he can count, but as he watches them part he realises that this is the first time in a long time he's unsure of what Izzy's response will be.

Knowing that something’s different, knowing that Izzy's feeling vulnerable already, Sam doesn't go for the same flashy proposal he’s been giving for years. He doesn't promise Izzy the world, he doesn't cause a scene (or, any more of a scene than he already has, anyway). He looks at the fractured man in front of him, takes his face in his hands, and says the exact same thing to him he said when they were little more than boys. “Israel, I have to ask you. I know what you'll say, but I have to try. Come with me. Marry me and sail away with me. I'll keep you safe”

And Izzy… hesitates. He glances over at Ed, at Stede, and says to Sam “...We’re staying in port for a week. Ask me again then”

That's the moment Sam knows there is something deeply, horribly, wrong. He's not just looking at an Izzy who got seriously injured in a fight and is struggling to cope, this is something so much bigger than that- and that Ed has something to do with it. Izzy wouldn't even be considering leaving if he didn't. Whether it was negligence or something more sinister, Sam doesn't yet know, but he intends to find out.

[miusato]

Ken, it's too early to give yourself a mid life crisis and worry too much 🙃

[smolandweirdwriter]

The bad kids are all best friends, but some of them don't have many canonical scenes together, and I think Adaine and Gorgug are the least seen with each other among the rare duos. But those two are pretty emotionally smart, so I think they'd realize that and decided to hang out

Got any ideas about shenanigans they might perform together?

adaine canonically loves gorgug's parents for their kindness to everyone, which especially shines through in how much they care for their son. throughout her freshman year, adaine would most often crash at gorgug's place. it was marginally closer to get to, and safer, at least compared to strongtower. the little folk are peaceful.

the first time Adaine was at Gorgug's house with all the others, Wilma and Digby noticed how formal, and then perplexed, and then saddened she was in the span of meeting them. when they overheard her say things like "wow your parents are so sweet!" and "I love your parents!" they weren't just proud or happy. at least, not only that. soon after they were a little concerned, especially with how eager she seemed about it. as though they were unconventional in their kindness. they asked gorgug about it afterwards, and he frowned a little. "I dunno," he said finally. "I think elf parents are kinda... mean to their kids? Like it's a cultural thing or something?"

Well, that definitely didn't sit well with Wilma and Digby. And it definitely didn't sit well with Gorgug, now that he realized it. He asked Adaine about it the next day, and she admitted it with a mixture of loathing and sharp self-awareness. She didn't cry, but she didn't exactly brush the issue off either. Gorgug didn't know what to do, he'd never had a friend, let alone one with abusive parents. He'd always thought his anger was a bad thing, but now it consumed him with unbridled outrage. He wanted to storm into the Abernant house and rip it apart with his bare hands. He wanted to take his friend behind him and keep her safe. He wanted to hug her so she was there with him and not alone and cold and scared and mad. She didn't need to be mad. She didn't deserve it.

But Gorgug knew he couldn't do any of that. So instead, he offered what he knew he could: "If you ever need some place to stay, you know where I live."

Adaine smiled. "Thanks, Gorgug. But I'll be alright."

A few days later, the bad kids had been out late on their quest to find out more about what would later be known as the Kalvaxus Caper. actually, they weren't even "out late". it was about 6pm, but school had let out around 3, so their parents were nonetheless reasonably worried about where the hell their children were.

as everyone was peeling off to head home, only adaine and gorgug were left. gorgug noticed adaine just standing there, not going home yet. "hey, what's wrong?" he asked.

"My parents are gonna kill me. I'm so late. The bus won't take me home now, it'll take forever to walk, we're halfway across town, I'll miss curfew because I was out adventuring --" she said "adventuring" like it was something to be mocked, something foolish that only a child would partake in "--I'm going to be grounded forever... I can't go home, Gorgug, I can't."

Gorgug cocked his head. Two choices, then. Take her home. Or... Take her home.

"You wanna, uh, stay over at my place?"

So Adaine followed Gorgug home. The Thistlesprings had cooked a thick, stewy soup with chunks of meat and vegetables that smelled amazing. They saw Adaine come in and quickly fixed her up a bowl alongside Gorgug's. Wilma and Digby ask her all sorts of questions -- What sort of magic does she do? Are her family wizards too? Where do they work? When do they leave home? How susceptible are they to gnomish-made ballista being fired right at them? What does she like to eat? She looks like she doesn't eat enough, she should come over more and they'll make her nice, home-cooked meals. hey, she used to go to Hudol, what was it like? What's Aguefort been like for her, is she liking it? how about the classmates, anyone nice outside her party? anyone very nice? has she had "the talk" yet--

at that point, gorgug's face goes bright red and he tugs adaine away before they can pull out The Binder. adaine giggles as she's led into gorgug's room. he offers her a pair of his pajamas, which are far too big on her, but she likes that. it's kind of like being wrapped up in gorgug's hugs--enveloped completely. she has to roll the sleeves all the way up so she can even get her fingers out, and the pants still trail on the ground a little.

they spend the rest of the night talking and chatting sprawled across gorgug's bed.

situations like this become far more common throughout freshman year. the thistlesprings want to adopt her, but she's not even technically a Solecian citizen, and it would make the whole "diplomatic immunity" thing so messy. she goes home on the weekends, because she has no choice, and when her parents get force her to stay home because "we're your family and we never see you. i swear, you're so ungrateful sometimes, adaine. what, is it so awful to have dinner with us?"

on her own, adaine begins learning orcish and gnomish so she and gorgug can talk, and so she can better thank and communicate with the thistlesprings. she teaches gorgug some elvish too, and they begin communicating by blending the three languages together in a way that makes no sense to anyone other than themselves.

for his part, it's gorgug who helps adaine become more physically strong, because he's worried about how angry his friend gets, and how that anger sometimes spirals into panic, or vice versa, so he teaches her how to throw a punch, how to block a hit, how to fight with a sword. he is never prouder than the moment he sees adaine's fist collide with her sister's face at ostentatia's party.

for her part, adaine and gorgug do homework together often when she's there, and it's by watching her do magic that gorgug becomes so enraptured by it. he's constantly asking her how spells work, how she knows what level she's casting them at, how she remembers them all. adaine attempts to explain it, and she does so by comparing it to his parents' tinkering. she's just putting pieces together and binding them--her "pieces" are less tangible, but they're still a part of the greater universe around them. gorgug really wants to learn wizardry, but he's not too fond of the abstract. he likes adaine's explanation, though. he begins thinking about tinkering. he begins thinking about machines and the tangible and the world and breaking things and putting them together and making something new. he thinks about family.

fig is an excellent lyricist, but she's not a very skilled composer. gorgug, meanwhile, it fantastic at putting lyrics to music. he loves it. he has just the right ear for it, for knowing where something needs a little aid, where he can boost something so it reaches its full potential. he's also a great backup vocalist. but he's sorta afraid to mention any of this to fig, because she invited him to be in her band, and she was so nice about helping him, and he doesn't wanna overstep. when shes over at his house one day, adaine sees a piece he's composed lying on the desk. she doesn't read it, to respect his privacy, but she notes that it's clearly composition, and asks about it. gorgug awkwardly admits that he's been working on something to go with a piece fig wrote, because, and not to imply he doesn't think fig's great, he loves fig so so so much and he's so grateful to be in her band, but, well, she composed about half the instrumental bits but they're just a little wonky and so he dabbled a little bit in pairing the lyrics with music, but please don't tell fig, adaine, it's not like I've done any better than she has or could.

adaine blinks. "you're awfully anxious, aren't you?" she smiles, sits down on the bed next to him, and says, "Gorgug, if you don't try, you're never going to know if it's any good at all."

so he shows his composition to fig. who immediately tackles him into a hug and screams "THIS IS PERFECT!"

Gorgug blushes and says, "Adaine helped me with it."

Fig recruits Adaine to help them write and compose. Adaine declines. "But if you ever need a tech person once you start really performing," Adaine says, "I'd love to do stage effects for you."

Actually, Adaine, as it turns out, does rather like helping Gorgug compose music. This stems from the fact that she grew up listening to exclusively pretentious high elven music, which she does rather like, but she also becomes pretty fond of heavy metal the likes of which gorgug blasts. she has a playlist called "studying evocation magic" that one would expect to be full of classical music. it's entirely head-slammer metal and rock that gorgug helped her compile.

Adaine goes to Gorgug a lot when she can't figure out spells. She gets lost in the little intricacies and complications of things, and he's very good at looking at the thing as a whole and seeing what's missing. he sees it very technically, which she finds relieving. so much of magic is abstract, but with gorgug everything is right with you, a physical thing.

when adaine kills her dad, gorgug isn't so sure she's okay. everyone else is cheering and hugging her, but gorgug has spent the most time around adaine's violence. her fear. he knows theres something deeper here. so when he gets a chance, he pulls her aside and asks how she's doing. adaine crumples into his side, sobbing, gripping his sweatshirt because it's soft and smells like grass and the woods and something else too, like going home after a long day, like people who want you to have clean clothes because they care about you and not your appearance. "Why did I have to kill him?" she asks, and he knows what she's really saying. Why did killing him have to be the only option?

"I don't know," he whispers. "Is it better that he's dead?"

Adaine swallows. Chokes on a lump of tears. Says: "I hope so."

gorgug and adaine who understand each other. gorgug and adaine who have sleepovers and climb the thistlespring tree and learn together. gorgug and adaine who have a secret language. gorgug and adaine who, of all the bad kids, know the least about their respective sexualities come junior year. riz and fig have been learning about aromaticism/asexuality and pansexuality since sophomore year, and kristen has been out since freshman year, and fabian has gotten over aelwyn and has confessed that he might have had the most massive crush on riz, and is still not over him, but that he really really doesn't want that to get in the way of their friendship, and that he supports riz's sexuality whole-heartedly, and he's realizing how lame his desperation for girls who treat people like shit is because he's realized he doesn't need to feel special just because someone who likes no one likes him, and he's falling for mazey, and that's okay.

but adaine and gorgug?

zelda breaks up with gorgug the summer of their junior year. and honestly? gorgug tells adaine in the workshop of the thistlespring tree late at night as they work together on the solar lasso. i sort of always saw it coming.

there is a dull hum of arcane electricity around them. save that, all is silent. silent, when adaine thinks about how people should care and don't and fall apart and break and how you can want to love someone and still run away. she does not understand it.

did you love her? she whispers, not looking over at him as her fingers turn a a piece of scrap metal over and over, not working on anything, not trying to fix anything. just hoping. just wishing. just wanting to know what love is.

i think i liked that she liked me, gorgug said. and i think i liked being around her. and i liked the... he glances over, blushing. Sorry. Riz is not vocal about his asexuality, and most of the time he is quietly uncaring when they talk about sex. it doesn't bother him to hear about--it's a part of life. still, gorgug tries to keep the others from talking about it around him. adaine, gorgug does not know if she's ace or not, and doesn't care if she is or isn't, but she gets uncomfortable, even a little disgusted, around talks of such things, so he tries to keep them to a minimum for her, too.

but this night, adaine shakes her head, her glasses glinting in the darkness. it's okay. you liked her. you liked sex. but did... what did... she clenches the scrap of metal in her fist, frustrated at her inability to form the proper words. the metal bends and crumples in her palm, and she blinks, unfurling her fingers to see broken shards of metal in her hand. she is still not used to her own strength. she has still not realized she's not really the girl she was years ago. but she is learning who she is, and maybe that's okay too. what was it like? liking someone that way? wanting someone... that way?

it was nice, gorgug says back. it was really nice. he shakes his head. but i think it was more than just... physical. i think she fell in love with me because i was nice to her. and she... sometimes she acted like that niceness was something i only did for her. and if i cared about other people, it was like i didn't care about zelda enough? or something? and i didn't really like that. and she didn't really like that i... that we...

that you were something other than zelda donovan's boyfriend? adaine offers.

he nods. yeah. a pause. i really liked her, though.

adaine taps his hand with hers. a question. he slips his fingers into hers. an answer. she squeezes. he squeezes back. I'm sorry.

gorgug comes out to adaine first of all their friends. he's bi, he tells her. adaine, not sure what to say, goes: "Congratulations". They both laugh. she still doesn't know what she is. she's still not sure she wants a label. he tells her that's okay. she asks if he came out because he has a crush on someone in his fancy new artificer class. gorgug blushes and shoves her playfully. (when he kisses unit later that year, adaine is unsurprised. he seems like gorgug's type.)

when oisin's ruse is revealed much later that year, adaine is not sad. she isn't hurt. she's violently, horrifically angry. so is gorgug.

they are on a boat. they might die. Oisin's voice rings out, Oisin's call. Adaine's face blanches, and Gorgug understands that whatever he messaged her, it means someone is about to die. and it won't be adaine.

it will be a white dragon, to his axe. it will be another, hit by the boat. it will be oisin, it will be oisin, it will be oisin. it will be oisin, for his friend who did not know what love felt like. it will be oisin, for his friend who did not know if she wanted to kiss someone. it will be oisin, for his friend who is easy to love. it will be oisin who dies, and he will enjoy it. and rage is not bad, because rage protected adaine, who should not have needed to protect herself.

and after everything has calmed down, they will eat ants on a log in his bedroom and write music and practice magic and spar and laugh.

oh, also: adaine and gorgug both get overstimulated easily, and gorgug always has a plethora of headphones and fidgets, and adaine goes to him for them constantly. they also both conducted an experiment together once where they attempted to communicate with people inside her jacket. it didn't go super well, but it was certainly fun!

and of course, adaine/ayda/gorgug friendship is a top-tier one. fig's magic is innate, but the trio's magic comes from studying and observing, and they all like to talk about it. sometimes they gossip. sometimes it's about fig. it's never mean--actually, usually it's just about how much they like fig. but they all get together pretty often to just jam out some spell stuff together.

[inadvisablebutinevitable]

do you ever cry about the fact that so many people in Jean’s lives are “could have been’s” like this doesn’t really make sense but bear with me here.

the most obvious one is Kevin right? The one who got away? Who chose his freedom over Jean and doomed them to a forever complex relationship of mutual love and conflicting resentment. “It was always you” but one sided, the reason Jean is alive and yet they cannot connect without the past haunting them both. “If the lord does not recover, Riko will take his anger and grief out on everyone around him.”

“Good thing you’re not there anymore”

“Jean still is”

and then, obviously there’s Neil, right? The misplaced forever partner, who was so savage to Jean at the banquet but in their hour of need they had each other’s backs at the nest. Another “could have been” who again chose freedom over servitude and left Jean there to face the aftermath of his chaos

Renee, “right person wrong time”, “in another life”, the girl who kept him sane after Kevin and Neil both left him, who saved his LIFE when she rescued him from the nest. Renee, who dropped everything in the middle of the night to break into Edgar Allen and DEMAND to see Jean. “If he’d been going to say anything else, he forgot it when he got a good look at Renee.” Renee being another one of Jean’s “nonstop temptations”. He still wears her cross necklace and keeps her picture at his desk. I’m going insane

didn’t Nora say that if Andrew and Jean had the chance, they probably would have gotten on quite well?

it feels evil to include her in this list but Eloide. Don’t make me say anything else.

“One sister, four years younger. I haven’t spoken to her since I left home,”

“You should try and reconnect.”

“what does this plan mean for my sister?”

“Did you think you were special?”

[kroosluvr]

look back (celeste version)

[vibinsane]

can we meet again once more? she falls asleep unbeknownst that her dream-self is awaiting to meet with dawnbreaker, but this time dawnbreaker wishes to talk to her about something personal.

note: thanks to this quote i found on tumblr that made me immediately think of dawnbreaker and @zayne-snowman for being an awesome zayne roleplayer (gimmick blog is a new term that i actually genuinely like and will use it now), since reading their posts of people interacting with dawnbreaker, it made me adore zayne even more as a rafayel girlie aheh. anyway! to those that read this, i hope you enjoy!

warning: angst once more (this will be my stamp), slight hurt with comfort, he will do anything to ensure she is ok whether mentally or physically, hints of pieces from foreseer myth if you squint

another day of being a hunter has passed and the city is as peaceful as i can be. that was her duty and she loved to provide that help in not only protecting the city, but also protecting her fourteen year old self. 

now she can return home and settle herself in bed where unbeknownst to her, she would meet a man that she forgot in the waking life, but remembers very well in her dreams. as she falls asleep, a warmth surrounds her more than her blanket, there is a smile on her face that translates to the one in her dreams as she felt warm arms wrap around her body.

the man was silent, burying his face against her neck and inhaling the sweet scent of her perfume and letting it linger in his senses, allowing himself to engrave it into his mind for when he must let her go once more. she remained where she was, unsure of how she got here, but the man standing and hugging her from behind like she was the most delicate snowflake in a world full of snowstorms was no stranger to her. 

“i’m sorry, dawnbreaker… did i make you wait for too long?” she asked softly, raising her hands to rest on his arms, squeezing them gently as she turned her head to brush her lips gently against his temple. 

he shook his head, holding her closer. “no, not at all. in fact, if you don’t know, i’ll remind you… i will wait for however long i need to just to see you and hold you like this again.”

she smiled, although it was a mix of sorrow and happiness, two emotions that could never coexist with one another, yet were easy to conceive. then, she turned around and cupped dawnbreaker’s face, her fingers gently drumming against his cheeks as she gazed up at him. 

“even if the certainty of me returning is little to none? you would risk that much if it meant you’d see me again? am i really worth that much?” 

it had been a question that was stuck in her mind like a fly in a venus fly trap, no matter how much she tried to remove the thought, the insecurity to ensure nothing came between her and dawnbreaker, that question became a plague and dawnbreaker must have sense the shift as he immediately drew her in closer.

“of course. in this world, i have nothing left. i want to be selfish. allow me to be selfish and i promise to take care of you as much as i possibly can here in this world. it’s—” 

“fleeting.” she finished his sentence with a tender smile. “everything around us and us in general is fleeting, yet if it’s all i can have, i could never wish for anything more. and you can be selfish, dawnbreaker. in a sense, this is your world and i’m becoming a permanent visitor, until you no longer want me to come back.” 

dawnbreaker eased back and stared at her with his piercing gaze before he grabbed her chin, gently tilting it up so their eyes met. “there will never be a day where i’m not looking forward to your return. there will never be a day where i wish for you not to return. and there will never be a day that i stop myself from feeling these emotions you give me. for once in this life of mine, i feel something and it’s all because of you.” 

she listened intently and nodded her head. insecurities plagued her mind, but dawnbreaker never once allowed those insecurities and self-sabotaging tendencies to remain in her head for too long. perhaps, that is why it was so easy for her to fall for him. how she felt so drawn to his presence, that she would do everything in her power to meet in the same world in her dreams. 

“then, when i fall asleep, i will do my best to make sure to meet you once more. over and over again until our worlds allow us to meet face to face outside of our dreams.”

“do you believe such a thing is possible?”

“i do. it’s all thanks to you, dawnbreaker.” 

dawnbreaker was quiet as he finally pulled away from her and held out his hand. “come, then, let’s have a walk. there is something i wanted to talk to you about. nothing horrible, i assure you… just something that has been on my mind.”

as the two walked and the snow gentle fell over the city, dawnbreaker stopped in front of a cafe. he gazed through the window and in there was a scene that did not belong to his world. in there was a version of him who was a doctor and she was there sitting in front of him, eating lunch it would seem. he could not help but feel bitter that this version of himself was allowed to be with her when she is awake.

“dawnbreaker?” she spoke out softly when she noticed him seemingly staring into the empty cafe. “what’s wrong?” 

he turned and looked at her before shaking his head. “it’s nothing…” he stated, and she did not pry any further. 

they walked a few steps more before they stumble onto a field of jasmine flowers. it was then that she let go of dawnbreaker’s hand and ran to the field of flowers, frowning.

“oh no! i knew i was forgetting something, have they not bloomed since?” 

“they are just resting, and do not worry about taking care of them, we can only do so much in this environment. ah, but come back here.”

he had gestured for her to return to his side, but instead he walked over to stand beside her, coaxing her to stand up before he held her hand. “are you curious as to what i wish to talk to you about?” 

“i am, but i don’t want to pry, so i would wait until you’re ready to talk about it.” 

“you’ve called me dawnbreaker since the day we met, but can you stop calling me that?” 

“oh—does it bother you?” 

“no, i am used to it, but i want you to call me by my real name.” 

she tilted her head, curiosity sparkled in her eyes as she met his gaze. 

“from now on, you can call me zayne.” 

the name tugged something in her chest, her hand then turning to interlace her fingers with his as she gave it a gentle and reassuring squeeze. 

“all right, then. thank you… zayne.” 

that odd muscle in dawnbreaker’s chest skipped a beat upon hearing her utter his name with such delicacy, it confused him for a bit before he regained his senses, stepped forward and held her in his arms. he cupped her chin once more and leaned down as he lifted her face up for their lips to meet in a sweet kiss. 

“no, darling, thank you.”

“but i haven’t done—” she whispered against his lips after their deep kiss. 

“you’ve done much more than you may ever know.”

her dream was spent on time with dawnbreaker, this time she managed to make him laugh and she could not help how happy it made her feel when he caught himself and tried to play it off, something about his image and how it could not be ruined.

but as the time approached for her to wake up again, she hugged dawnbreaker extra tight this time, placed a kiss onto his cheek and promised to see him once more when they both fall asleep.

but when she awakened from her slumber, she was left with an empty feeling. she sat up and touched her lips where she dreamed of someone kissing her goodbye. she furrowed her brows trying to recall the dream, but no memory came to mind. 

“as always…” she mumbled to herself as she got up to open the blinds of her window. she thought of the man in her dreams, she knew it was a man, but she could not recall a face, not even features. just thoughts and memories of his touches and words, nothing more, no face to place onto the unknown figure. 

“do you exist or have i made you up?”

[galactic-rhea]

Thoughts on Padmé x Anakin x Rex?

Padmé and Anakin are so mutually obssesed they would first have to check into that before trying to bring another person to their carefully-balanced-kind-of-damage or something it's going to explode.

Honestly it's a fun ship! But I don't have too many thoughts about them because when I consider them is usually in very low-stakes-fun-AU-scenarios.

And I'm actually a bit of a fan of Rexwalker myself! Athough I tend to like them more as very good buddies, the covering-for-you-dynamic it's so funny for them, lol It's also angsty and complicated because, y'know, the power-imbalance and unchecked trauma? Is funny that the clone that's actually a slave for the republic is the most normal if you bring him into the anidala romance circus.

Also shout out to @phoenixyfriend , she has a lot of rexanidala fics and recs for anyone interested reading this!

[honeycreammilkshake]

there will be cake.

i finally finished my first fic, and it's greenflame! it takes place between possession and skybound. i spent a few days on it and i'm still not satisfied... it still feels a bit ooc and amateur to me, but please let me know what you think. here it is...

Sitting down for dinner with the other ninja, Kai had no intention of talking about anything serious, let alone marriage, and especially not how he should go about proposing to Lloyd. But picking at his bowl of chili, he looked around to his friends, watching them talk about their day with animated expressions and exaggerated hand gestures, observing Cole and Jay arguing about every detail of their training so they could trade insults while blushing whenever anyone (mostly Zane) pointed out just how closely they'd have to be watching each other to know such minor things about their routines. And when Kai glanced over to his sister she was already glancing his way with an exasperated smirk at Cole and Jay's antics.

The only absent one was Lloyd. The Green Ninja was training late, as usual, pushing himself to his limits. The perfectionism was at first a little annoying for Kai, who tended to take any show of exertion as a competition against him, but overtime he'd learned to accommodate his boyfriend, who was typically late to dinner or outings with the rest of them. The pressure Lloyd must have felt, every single day, to not only lead the rest of them but to also make his pretty much godly ancestors proud of him had been grinding on him even more as of late, and Kai didn't want to add to their young leader's troubles. Still though… after their last battle, almost losing Lloyd to possession had made him keenly aware of how fragile the normalcy of all their lives were.

At any time, they could find themselves under attack once more. Ninajo had a reputation for attracting the most dark-hearted, vengeant, and power-hungry of villains, and Kai had to wonder if there was some kind of sign posted out for all the tyrants coming to seize this particular place. Something massive and neon was advertising how siegable and conquerable this entire land was somewhere, he was sure.

But as a ninja, bound and entangled with all the rest of his team (a fate he would never want reversed or changed in any way), he knew he would lay down his life for any one of his friends if it ever came down to it. And, naturally, he knew in his heart that no matter how much he teased or gave Lloyd trouble, he would stand behind that completely unhinged god-in-training no matter what. Wherever Lloyd led him, he would follow. And it was because of this that he knew he had to make their relationship even more official, even more sacred, so that when villains like Morro or Chen or the rest came knocking again, Kai would know there was still a chance at a normal life, even a small part of it, in their own lives. That he could say that Lloyd was his in more way than one and come back home to that small piece of stability.

Now, watching his friends continue to taunt and push each other, a warm feeling suddenly overtook Kai, not unlike the sensation he got whenever he drank a nice cup of Wu's tea. He felt it blossom inside of him, a hot and protective surge that came whenever he thought of the others, especially Lloyd. He knew he could trust them completely, he could ask anything of them and they wouldn't treat him any differently for it.

So it was without any filter that he found himself asking, "Guys, if I were to hypothetically propose to someone… someone who's very uhm… career-driven and practically all-powerful, how would I go about asking them to do something absolutely ordinary like marriage?"

A small silence briefly overtook the table as the others, except for Cole who was still digging into his plate without interest in anything else, glanced around towards each other. Nya, on Kai's left side, was completely still all of a sudden and opposite him Zane and Jay exchanged looks.

Just as the stillness was starting to become unnerving, Zane, always practical, broke in, "Logically the best way would be to—"

"Oh my gosh, you guys," Jay all but shrieked. "Kai and Lloyd are going to get married!"

"Wait what????" Kai burst out, feeling his cheeks start to heat up. "I didn't say anything about—"

"Oh please," Jay scoffed, rolling his eyes. "You're the fire ninja, Kai, so whatever you're trying to cover up, you still burn holes right through it." He was picking at his bowl of chili delicately, like most of its contents offended him, and by the way he had complained about every other dish Cole had prepared for them, you would think it was genuine. But Kai knew the Blue Ninja would sneak lots of extra helpings of Cole's meals whenever he thought they weren't looking. And seeing as how most of Cole's food was… to put it plainly… bad, Kai knew it was because Jay was simply (and not so secretly) completely crazy for the Earth Master.

"You guys thought it was such a secret, but we could all tell what you were up to," Jay continued, matter of fact, then smirked. "The walls here are really thin, you know."

Kai groaned and buried his face in hands. "Okay," he sighed out. "So what if it is Lloyd?"

"I knew it!" Zane exclaimed from Cole's side, face lighting up. When the others looked to him, he explained, "Pixal told me they have a 95% compatibility rate. Lloyd's sensitivity and high emotional intelligence counterbalances Kai's hotheadedness and temper—"

"Yeah yeah we get it," Kai huffed, feeling called out.

"My vitals monitors indicate that your heart-rate speeds up whenever Lloyd appears," Zane added helpfully. "My data also suggests that Lloyd's libido increases whenever he watches you training."

Beside him, Nya made a choking sound. "Oh my god," she gasped, wiping away dribbles of water from her lips. "Please never say libido again, Zane."

Despite the embarrassment at having his secret relationship exposed so quickly, Kai couldn't help the way that information stroked his ego. All the time that little brat had been claiming to watch so closely to point out errors in Kai's form (as he always did) he was secretly checking Kai out shamelessly. It made him flush with more than a little contentment, but he got a hold of himself quickly, and managed to grit out, "Okay guys, that's enough."

"Where would they even get married though?" Jay pushed on, ignoring Kai entirely.

"Somewhere big enough for all of us," Zane pointed out. "I can compile a list of popular wedding locations and analyze them for suitability."

"No no," Jay dismissed, whipping his spoon around passionately so that a bit of chili hit Kai in the face. He wiped it off with a grimace as Jay continued to lecture Zane. "It should be somewhere perfect for the both of them..." Jay bit down on the handle of his spoon and then grinned widely at Kai. "I know just the place��my parent's junkyard!"

Kai blinked, caught off-guard. "Jay, I'm not marrying Lloyd in a junkyard—"

Across the table, Cole's face finally unfused from his plate long enough for him to shout, "Will there be cake? I'll definitely come if there's cake!"

"Always thinking with your stomach, right Cole?" Jay snarked. But the Earth Master chose to ignore him, much to Jay's disappointment.

As the others continued to conspire Lloyd and Kai's wedding, loudly describing each lavish detail — "Lloyd should wear all red so Kai can wear all green... and there should be dragons!!!" Jay contributed while Zane added, "Kai should put Lloyd in his lap and ride in on one to the ceremony" and Cole piped in, "And there should be triple stacked cake afterwards!" — Kai's ears picked up shuffled movement in the hallway. He sat up straight. Wu and Misako were out getting "vital" supplies like flavored tea and herbal medicines — old people errands — and they weren't expecting anyone else to come calling. It could only be Lloyd.

Getting that sensation he got whenever he was about to be cornered, he felt himself start to panic. "Guys, if you don't shut up now, I swear I'll send every single one of you to the Cursed Realm," Kai hissed out. "I don't even care if we're on the same team — you will all be banished for your crimes. This conversation is over."

But, of course, cause everything and everyone hated Kai, this was the exact conversation Lloyd chose just that moment to walk in on.

With a short glance around to the other ninja, he came into the room and a crushing silence followed as they all tracked him with their eyes. He walked casually, carrying a bowl laden with an excessive amount of Cole's chili (which wasn't that bad but it also wasn't that good either, so Kai felt Lloyd had filled it to the brim subconsciously) and settled down in his usual spot to the right of Kai, slowly lifting his spoon to his lips…. Lips that were twisted up in an unmistakable smirk, the one Kai knew and adored so well, that he loved to bite on — but right now, seeing the way it melted away the usual prim and proper princely beauty of Lloyd's face into the wild rawness of the conceded brat he really was, all Kai could think was Lloyd knows…. He's been listening in on the whole thing!

"What's all this about cake?" Lloyd asked, oh so innocently, as if he didn't know already, and Kai kind of wanted to manhandle him right then and there for being such an unyielding brat.

But before Kai could say or do anything to grab at any sort of control over the conversation, Jay leaned in closer to Lloyd, conspiratorially settling his chin into his cupped hand like he was about to tell the world's greatest secret. With a hauntingly straight face he said, "Only that Kai can't keep his eyes off yours."

… And then everything kind of blew up in Kai's face.

Nya and Zane burst out laughing and Cole let out a bellowing huff before slapping Jay across the back so hard the Blue Ninja's face almost landed in his uneaten bowl of chili (Kai wished with his whole heart that it really had). Jay glared briefly at Cole but then the Master of Earth said, "I guess that's why they call you the Master of Shocks! That was a good one, Jay."

Pure pride swelled the Master of Shocks' chest, making him look just like a puffed up little blue jay — which he technically was… though Kai could barely register the humor of it as sticky hot embarrassment exploded inside of him.

"Oh wow you guys," Nya finally managed to gasp as she held her sides, like she could fall apart from the delicious humiliation of it all. She wiped at her eyes, choking out, "Look at Lloyd's cheeks — they look like cherries!"

Lloyd's mouth was pressed together tightly, and his cheeks were definitely a deep scarlet that Kai took some satisfaction in seeing, but he knew his own cheeks were probably just as red and burning twice as hot.

And of course Jay would point that out. "Guys, check out Kai's face — he's burning up!"

"Oh the irony," Nya giggled.

"Red ninja indeed!" Zane chimed in with a grin that practically spilled off his face. And in that moment, Kai had never been more certain in his life that he was surrounded by traitors. Enemies.

Kai ground his teeth together and finally managed to squeeze out some sort of response. "You're all banished."

The other ninja, minus a cherry-colored Lloyd, started laughing again as Kai sat there, gripping the edge of the table and plotting revenge. Only Cole made any kind of move towards redemption, leaning closer to both Lloyd and Kai to say, "You know we're just teasing you two… We're really happy to see you making things more official. And just so you know, I would love to be there for you, even if there no's cake for me."

"You do know the whole point is so that Kai gets to keep the cake just for himself, don't you?" Jay smirked.

Before Kai could set fire to either himself or Jay, Cole turned to the Blue Ninja and smiled. "Don't worry, sparky, I'll make sure to claim a cake for myself too," he said, and proceeded to reach over so he could grope Jay's ass as the smaller ninja let out a high-pitched squeak.

"Who's the Master of Shock now?" Zane grinned as Jay started choking.

Nya pursed her lips and said, "Really? Right in front of my chili?"

Kai moaned and buried his face in his hands as the entire table descended into chaos. But it died out quickly as Lloyd stood up, his face unreadable, that silken smirk of his erased from his lips. As Kai peeked up at him, he couldn't help but feel… reverent. Lloyd was strong, and fierce, and brave. And more than that… he was the magnet that kept them gravitating to him, to their destiny. Their fates were inexplicably tied to his for the rest of their lives. They all shared a bond deeper than mere friends: they were each other's counterparts and focal points and homes.

And nobody was more at home with Lloyd than Kai.

"Kai," Lloyd began, and Kai felt the air rush out him as soon as Lloyd turned those ember-bright eyes right on his face. "Do… do you really want to marry me?"

Kai's heart was pounding far too fast. It felt like the adrenaline spark right before a battle. "Of course," he managed.

The other ninja were finally fully silent, their eyes wide and watchful. Feeling bold, Kai pushed away from the table and stood right in front of his boyfriend. Then he sank to his knees, his eyes never leaving Lloyd's, and swallowed. "You know that all of us are bound to you, and all of us would protect you with our lives, just as you would do for us. But the bond I share with you runs even deeper. I promised you that I would protect you, and that I would follow where you lead me, that you could always rely on me, so I would like to ask you now… Will you let me follow you forever? Lloyd Montgomery Garmadon, will you marry me?"

In all that time, Lloyd and Kai didn't look away from each other. The others remained blissfully quiet, but there was a current of anticipation coursing through the room.

It felt like an age before Lloyd cleared his throat and said, "Of course I will.... Someone has to keep my cake away from Cole, after all."

Kai groaned but found himself grinning anyways. "You're insufferable," he told Lloyd and pushed up from the floor.

"That only means you're even more perfect a match," Nya pointed out from Kai's side, but she hugged her brother tightly, patting him on the back. They both knew how much this meant to him...

Lloyd and Kai returned to their places at the table and tried to resume eating normally, but they kept glancing over to each other until Jay scoffed and said, "You two, honestly, go get a room."

"Quiet, sparky, you'll get yours soon," Cole winked and Jay started to protest.

"If you think I have any interest at all in a dusty piece of rock like you—"

"Yeah yeah," Cole waved him off. "Keep pretending, bluey."

Lloyd laughed and reached over to offer his hand for Kai to hold. Kai took it gently, and didn't miss the way everyone stared at their joined hands, their fingers twining together.

"No matter what comes in the future, we'll face it together," Lloyd promised Kai, and they felt each other's pulses jump at his words.

Kai nodded, soaking up the way the light hit the pale gold of Lloyd's hair, making it look just like a glowing halo. This boy would be the death of him, he just knew it. He couldn't help the smile spreading across his face. He raised a spoonful of chili towards Zane, Cole, and Jay and gave his best unhinged grin. "The future looks bright for you and me both, but right now I say we take these three down for being so obnoxious," he suggested and Lloyd grinned too, wild and full of fire, just like Kai.

"What?" Zane sputtered. "I didn't do anything!"

"Wait!" Jay cried out. "But we helped you propose to him, Kai!"

Lloyd snorted while Kai rolled his eyes. "Sure you did," the Master of Fire said, then launched the first spoonful at Jay's surprised face.

"Food fight!!!" Nya cried, pounding her fist on the table before she upended her entire plate on Kai's head.

Kai gasped, shaking sticky shrimp out of his hair. Reaching up, he felt the clingy, pasty sauce of the dish matting his once-immaculate spikes, and he shrieked, "GET HER, LLOYD!"

With a roar, the table fell into chaos again. As the ninja threw handfuls of food at each other — except for Cole who sat there lamenting the waste of it all — Lloyd and Kai looked at each other and smiled. Everything that they had ever done, all that they had ever faced and clawed their way through, had been worth it for moments just like this. With a laugh, Kai leaned in and kissed Lloyd in front of everyone, not even caring to keep anything concealed anymore.

He didn't even care when Nya shouted, "Gross!" and splashed the rest of her water on them. With a smirk, he pulled Lloyd closer and set a palm to the boy's back to dry out his clothes.

"You know," Zane said afterwards, as everyone settled down. "Someone has to clean all this up before Master Wu returns."

"Not me!" Jay was the first shout.

"We will," Lloyd said calmly, volunteering an unwilling Kai before he could protest. "We started this after all."

"They had it coming," Kai argued but stopped when Lloyd cast him a sharp look.

"You said you'd follow wherever I lead," Lloyd reminded Kai, then smirked his signature smirk when Kai let out yet another groan.

"Alright then," Kai sighed. "Lead me to the dishes."

"Get used to this," Jay said smugly. "This is going to be married life for you from now on."

Cole stood up from his seat and brought the rest of his plate down, shrimp-first, on Jay's head. "And this is going to be married life with me," he promised the Master of Lightning and walked away smiling.

"Welcome to the family," Nya said to Lloyd before standing up from the table.

"Can't be crazier than my family," Lloyd called after her, then turned to Lloyd. "Well, let's get cleaning."

Kai sighed melodramatically but didn't complain. He had promised to follow Lloyd wherever he lead him, even if it was just to another mess to clean up. So he smiled as he knelt down to pick up pieces of dinner from the floor with Lloyd. He wouldn't have traded it for anything else.

[silverskye13]

Hi! So, update on your SoS propaganda campaign... it has worked frighteningly well on me. I finished the first 2 books in less than 2 weeks, which is impressive when you consider dyslexia is a thing. I'm currently only held back from devouring the third because of the library wait list. Impatience is making me chew on my non-existent shield. I might need to make fan art. Truly, you are a monster.

Yessssss yessssssssssssss

More people to suffer with me as we wait impatiently for the next book in the series to become available by whatever means.

Unrelated to the SoS, but Jorge keeps getting cameos in all the books, and I am desperate for him to get a boon of his own someday. Give me a story about the rakish ace dreaming god paladin with a heart of gold who would put his life in danger to help the silly berserkers. Please Kingfisher I beg--

Also since you've read book two, you've officially read my favorite book in the series congratulations! Istvan and Clara are a treasure. I am kissing them on the tops of their heads.

[soursvgar]

What makes them jealous?

demon brothers (minus luci and beel) x gender neutral reader warnings: slight angst, mentions of ch. 16, mentions of violence

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

Mammon ━ you praising someone else

Mammon has an aptitude to get himself into sticky situations, which graced him with quite the reputation. Virtually, Mammon is a good one, but has a hard time bringing his image to line with his actual personality. When he fell for you, he made it his life's mission to show you the real him, the one that is caring, generous and loving. Mammon wants you to perceive him as the perfect man, one that can provide for your every need, and fulfil your every whim. Hence, hearing you complimenting and praising anyone other than him is unacceptable, he can be whatever you need him to be, just don't go to someone else.

"I've decided I'm not speaking with ya, human." Mammon settles on your bed, arms linked together as he glowers at you. "Your silence sure is rumbling. What is it this time?" You tease, already used to his dramatic responses. "It ain't funny! Yesterday you commented on Lucifer's self discipline, then it was Beel's determination to stay active, where do I fit into all this, hm? What is it with ya?"

At first you laugh, but he retains his scowl, persistent in his theatrics. You decide to sit by his side, taking his hand into yours before you rest your intertwined fingers on your lap. "I applaud their admirable behaviors because I believe it's good to celebrate positive things others do, but it doesn't take away from your good virtues. There are things that no one else does as well as you." Mammon looks up at you as if desperately seeking your affirmations. "T-There are? I mean- of course there are, no one compares to The Great Mammon! But a-ahem, like what?"

"Oh, so that means you're talking to me again?"

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

Leviathan ━ you hyping up a favorite character/idol

It may come off a little silly, but being a shut in has Levi holding different people to different standards. Deeming himself a worthless good for nothing, his jealousy manifest in the people you adore, since he so badly wants to be one of them. However, the only beings he associates with you are in his immediate surroundings, his brothers for example, which are equal to him in power and status. Therefore, when you come into his room gushing about your favorite idol or character, that he already holds to higher standards due to the god-like class he administers to his own, he can't halt the rush of envy through his body. Why can't he be them?

"What is this doing here?" Leviathan holds a crumped piece of paper, inspecting it. You had requested his aid with moving furniture in your room in order for you to clean behind them, not realizing you brought some of your merch back from the human world with you. "Oh, I was wondering where that disappeared to... it's my favorite member from a human world band I'm a fan of." Beaming at the long lost item, you take the poster back and begin straightening the edges while you tell Leviathan all about your idol. Leviathan doesn't respond, instead, he watches you with a displeased expression, looking almost offended.

"By any chance, are you... jealous?" Puzzled, you seek for his confirmation, having actually thought that out of all brothers, Leviathan would be the most accepting of your interests. He's quick to shoot you down, mumbling bitterly about how he was certain that things like these were his area of expertise and it simply took him by surprise. You knew better, though; the nervous flinching of his fingertips accompanying his overly impudent attitude attested of his attempt to control his envy from getting out of hand. You almost visibly coo at his efforts to contain himself, smiling to yourself.

"But you know you're always my number one, right?"

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

Satan ━ you (or anyone) outsmarting him

'Knowledge is power', is key to understanding Satan's values and way of thinking. Feeling slightly inferior within his own family, he uses his wits to grant himself an advantage over the others as he believes that being the smartest person in the room puts him on a higher pedestal, and worthy of more respect. Satan has to be the smartest, and no one usually puts enough effort to rise above him. So when you come around and prove the limits of his brain to him, you send him into a state of confusion, unravelling his self deprecating side rather than a vengeful beast of wrath.

"You were cheating, there's no way I've lost, I haven't lost a game of othello for over a hundred and fifty years." Satan rambles, spectating the board that sent a clear message of victory on your part. "For the nth time, I didn't cheat. I won fair and square." You roll your eyes and brace yourself for a potential full blown argument. It was a recurring theme for Satan to rage and throw a tantrum over pretty mundane things, and while usually the two of you channelled the pent up energy towards a better usage of your time (interpret this however you like), this specific occasion felt very different. Satan did not sulk nor did he violently toss any inanimate objects in the room, instead, he was sitting quietly, eyes boring holes into the game board as if it might change the result.

"It's not possible, how did you beat me? I'm supposed to be the smart one, the one you go to whenever you need guidance or help. And now I can't even win a simple game against you?" Your face softens to the sound of his words.

"Well, I had a good teacher. You taught me everything I know."

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

Asmodeus ━ you being touchy with others

Asmo is a pretty suave demon, even without his special abilities he can use his looks and his slick tongue to charm any being. Knowing you're a natural yourself at making others sway, he's not too bothered with a flirty remark here and there or a double take. If anything, he finds it natural and even a little exciting when he observes you checking someone out or smooth talking your way into collecting a favor. But don't get too comfortable with his easy going nature, because your body is his temple, and you are his gorgeous treasure that others may look at, but under no circumstances, touch.

"Oh my, was that a flirty shoulder tap I just witnessed Mephistopheles giving you?" Asmodeus gasps, arms crossed. He tries to mask it as meaningless banter, but you can sense there's more beneath it and rush to correct him. "He was just thanking me for letting him copy my notes." You explain. He keeps his stance for a minute before letting his arms fall to his sides, sighing. "That's a no no, okay? Don't just let someone touch you like this, I bet he doesn't even use hand lotion..."

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

Belphegor ━ you not including him in your plans

No word of lie, this boy is a little bit obsessed with you. Under the rugged layers of sarcasm and chaff hides a gentle, insecure soul that simply just loves you too much for its own good. Belphie deals with his fair share of guilt when it comes to you, and he often walks on eggshells, too afraid to wake up from the euphoric dream that is your relationship. It's those reasons, along with his temper issues, that cloud his judgment whenever you're out of reach and lead his rushed conclusions to break his own heart.

"Did you forget about me?" You blink at the sound of the voice addressing you, only have entered the house of lamentation after an outing with Simeon and Luke. Belphegor was cross legged on the sofa, brows furrowed as he's glancing daggers at you. You slightly shiver, his familiar enraged expression doesn't exactly incite good memories. "I saw the photos on Simeon's devilgram, why didn't you tell me you were going out?"

"Belphie, y-you were sleeping, I didn't want to wake you up to ask you to join..." You mutter, shaken by the hostile situation that greeted your return. It's not that you were afraid of him, having him in a pact with you allowed you to take the reins at any given time, but it was never a pleasant reminder to see what your sweet cuddle buddy is capable of attempting once again. Fortunately, the change of pitch was enough to pull him out of his jealous state, recognizing something in your eyes he hoped to never witness again.

"I'm sorry... I'm overreacting. I just missed you, that's all."

[spoopy-nevermore-dump]

Hey pssst hey. Have you ever considered: Montada?

I hate it, and it nearly killed my hyperfixation

But I understand my opinion on this may affect others, and many may be hurting from this episode soooooooooo

Art requests open

[madrabit]

for the kiss ask thing? :3 bonace, 25

Heho ✨️

So this has been sitting in my ask box for.... a while now. I'm very, very sorry for that, anon (and also sorry to everyone else still waiting), you've probably already forgotten about sending me that prompt, but sometime ago, I promised to fill all the kiss prompts I received and I will be doing that, it might just take a while.

This turned out way longer than intended and had slowly been evolving into a little 5 + 1. I will post the first chapter as an answer to this prompt, and every subsequent chapter will be posted on ao3, so if you want to keep up with it, you might wanna check it out there!

If you want me to write you something as well, you can send me a ship and a kiss 🩷 or a ship and a prompt ✨️ ( the second one is a spicier list)

Anyway, enjoy ☺️💖

25. ... as a yes (five times a kiss means yes and one time it means yes)

I.

It wasn't the first time it happened, but it was always rough watching it play out.

Nace could see Bojan start to shake the second they left the stage.

It was almost unnoticeable at first, a small thing that could easily be blamed on the adrenaline still rushing through all of them, making them giddy and restless.

But Nace noticed the difference as Bojan kept pacing the room after they all had a quick shower, not answering when Jure asked him if he also wanted something to snack or when Jan tried to talk to him.

Not a moment later, Bojan turned on his feet, heaving for breath as he stormed off in the direction of their backstage restroom. He was stumbling, bumping into one of the girls working at the venue and just rushed past her without apologizing, even when she tried talking to him.

Quickly, Nace followed him, throwing the girl a smile and a quick “sorry” and he barely managed to get to the door before Bojan was able to shut and lock it.

“Bojan, stop”, he said softly as the younger tried pushing the door closed, tried pushing him away and shutting everyone out to be alone in his panicked state.

It was surprisingly easy to open the door wide enough to squeeze through, even though Bojan was leaning against it to block entry, and when he finally got inside the little bathroom, Nace closed the door himself and locked it.

“Go away…”, Bojan mumbled, his quiet voice breaking at the end and he backed off until he hit the wall, sliding down on it until he ended up on the floor. A tiny sob ran through him and he hugged his legs close to his chest, burying his face in his knees to hide away as more and more tears fell.

“Oh Bojči”, Nace sighed softly, crouching down in front of the younger man, reaching out to touch his arm, but stopped, hand hovering in the air uselessly, not sure if he was allowed to touch him right now.

Carefully, he let his eyes wander over Bojan's shaking form, noticing how much smaller than usual he looked, how he barely seemed to hold on.

And Nace would love to just take him into his arms, shield him from whatever was making him feel this way, just like the first time Bojan was breaking apart after a gig at which he already had a panic attack on stage. Physical touch had helped before, had calmed him down enough to push through that feeling, but Nace didn't, couldn't, know if it was the same now, if Bojan wanted to be touched or comforted at all.

“Can I touch you?”, he asked gently, voice low and quiet to not startle the boy in the relative quiet of the tiny bathroom.

After a moment or an eternity, Bojan nodded, face still pressed against his knees and carefully, Nace reached out again, tracing his fingertips over Bojan's arm, watching goosebumps form on the clammy skin.

“It's okay, Bojč, I'm here…”

Bojan let out a tiny little noise, shifting slowly at first until suddenly Nace had an arm full of sobbing puppy. The force with which Bojan had thrown himself at him almost made them topple over, but he could regain his balance, wrapping his arms around Bojan's shoulders.

“Breathe with me”, he whispered, taking deep breaths and slowly, he felt Bojan try to follow his breathing pattern through sobs and raspy gasps for air.

Nace didn't know how long they were already sitting on the floor of the bathroom, just breathing together, but he was glad he could do this for his friend, could help him through the rough time he was having. That Bojan let him in, let Nace see him like this, vulnerable and raw, and was accepting his help and the comfort Nace was just all too willing to give him.

“Let's get you to the hotel, yes?”, he whispered into Bojan's ear as the smaller man finally seemed to calm down a bit, nuzzling his soft, freshly washed hair and Bojan nodded against his shoulder.

Fingers dug in his back when he stood up, pulling Bojan with him, who was clinging to him like a lifeline, face now pressed against Nace's neck and in less than a few minutes he managed to guide the still shaking singer through the backstage area, outside and into the van after asking Kiki to quickly drive them to back to their accommodation.

On the drive, Bojan was clutching a bucket, head hanging low between his shoulders as a sudden wave of sickness hit him once the car set into motion while Nace soothingly rubbed his back. Gently, he let his hand run through still slightly wet hair, talking in a low voice, babbling about everything and nothing, just so Bojan could ground himself with a familiar voice, and could ignore the shaking of the car and the bumpy roads they had to take.

Kiki dropped them off with a worried glance, telling Nace he'll have the others collect their stuff, which Nace knew Kris had already done as soon as he saw the bassist steer an unresponsive Bojan to the private back entrance of the venue.

Once they made it back to Bojan's hotel room, Nace made quick work of stripping the smaller man of the clothes he had thrown on after his shower at the venue, putting him in some shorts and a large shirt instead and then carefully tucked Bojan into bed after getting him to drink a few sips of water.

Nace was about to get up from where he sat on the edge next to his friend, ready to go to his own room and let Bojan have some privacy, but before he could even make a move, a tentative hand wrapped around his wrist, tugging on his arm to make him look back down at the boy.

The shaking has gone down for the most part, replaced by little yawns and sniffling, tears almost all dried up. But the anxious stare in his eyes showed how much Bojan was still shaken up, still not completely out of the spiral and Nace was afraid Bojan would get dragged under again the second he was alone with his own thoughts.

“Stay?”, the younger man croaked out, clearing his throat and Nace took a deep breath, thinking about it for a moment, even though he already knew he wouldn't be able to say no, not when wide doe eyes looked up at him, practically begging him for comfort.

Without thinking too much, he leaned down, pressing a soft kiss to Bojan's forehead.

“Scoot over”, he chuckled as he kicked off his shoes and pants, sliding under the covers as soon as Bojan lifted them for him.

Once he was settled, the singer turned to face him and instinctively, Nace wrapped him up in his arms, pulling him closer and tucking him right under his arm, while Bojan put his head on Nace's chest.

“Thank you, Nacko”, Bojan mumbled into his shirt, rubbing the tip of his nose over Nace's pec, wrapping his arms around the older man and squeezing him like a life sized teddy bear. Nace felt a fond feeling spread through him as Bojan's breath slowly evened out and the younger soon fell asleep.

Check it out on ao3

[3416]

are you normal or do you wake up every day and think about this

[cottoncandytomu]

Wish I Were Her~

Ellie Williams x F!Reader x Dina (love triangle but like Ellie’s in the middle) 

THIS IS ANGSTY BABES~

My content is always 18+ so Minors and Ageless blogs DO NOT INTERACT!!

Based off of Heather by Conan Gray.

Summary: The reader is hopelessly in love with Ellie but Ellie’s heart is already with someone else, Dina. The reader can’t help but feel guilty considering Dina is such a likable person, so all she can do is sit and watch her crush with another. 

In this world, Abby and her friends are now your friends. Joel and Jerry are still kicking and there's no beef of any kind (well maybe Abby slightly dislikes Ellie cz of u kshkajh), also they’re all in Jackson hehe~. 

Wanted to make some angsty Ellie shit, so here we GO!! I guess warnings shall be angst and cursing, mentions of depression/sadness etc.… seems about it, enjoy~ (I also gave Ellie zero rizz in her beginning interactions with Dina dksjhjshg) 

(Semi-proofread so sorry for mistakes 😫😫)

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

You couldn’t help but stare, watching as her arm drapes around Dina’s shoulder. The way she longingly looks at her, you can see how mesmerized she is. How in love they are, it almost makes you sick, almost. The pang of guilt starts to hit, Dina has never done anything wrong for you to hate her. Well except taking the one woman you love the most. But could you really blame that on her? You never told Ellie how you really felt about her, by the time you gained the confidence to tell her it was already too late. Her and Dina have already established their likes for one another, it didn’t matter anyway. You saw how Ellie looked at Dina, even when it was just you two hanging out her eyes always wondered, with the hopes of seeing the one woman she wanted the most. 

Dina’s pinky reaches out to find Ellie’s, Ellie is quick to latch onto her hand intertwining their fingers together. You fumed in rage, the envy flowing off of you like waves of heat, so hot to the touch it felt ice cold. Maybe you do wish she were dead. You shook your head trying to rid the thought, it fucking sucked. Ellie’s lips touch Dina’s temple, giving her a light tender kiss. She then drops her head onto Dina’s shoulder inhaling her lover's scent. Fuck. You were so busy thinking about their interactions that you didn’t realize Dina was wearing the sweater. 

 The sweater that Ellie let you wear constantly, you’ll never forget when she asked for it back. You knew why but you didn’t want to believe it, your mind couldn’t help but think back on the memory. 

You and Ellie were sitting against a tree, knees touching, just outside of Jackson. Finding a little spot you both could chill out on patrol was a hard task but you managed. The cold air of December prickling your skin as you both sat in silence. Ellie showed up at your door sweater in hand, knowing you’d want to wear it, it was tradition. You opened the door with a wide smile welcoming her in. Grabbing the sweater you slipped it on, wrapping your arms around yourself you let out a content sigh. 

“I love this sweater.” 

“I’m aware.” Ellie chuckles. “Alright, you ready?” 

You nod as you grab your pack and follow her out the door, locking it. Making your way to the stables you guys grabbed your horses and gear heading towards the gate. On the way there Maria had to talk to you both about something important, while Maria talked to you both you saw dark hair go past your vision. Looking over at Ellie her eyes were already on the retreating figure, she stared at Dina in awe as she walked past. The pang in your heart hit you hard, whatever Maria was saying to you was now was long forgotten. Your mind now cluttered with the thought of Ellie’s love struck face when she saw her, wishing, dreaming that it was you she was looking at instead. Maria finished what she had to say and wished you both luck on your patrol, you both got on your horses and set off to the gate. Before they could open it up Dina came running up to you both, wishing you guys luck. You mutter out a thank you and Ellie is a blushing mess as she stutters out her thank you. You take the lead, guiding your horse through the now open gates not bothering to wait up for Ellie. 

Now you both are next to each other against the tall sturdy tree, previous moments long forgotten. Your mind hyper focused on the fact that your knees are touching each other. You’ve both been on patrol for hours now, Ellie told you about a spot she discovered and wanted to take you there. You almost choked when she told you, she wanted to take you to her special place?

Now you both sit, Ellie sketching away in her journal and you’re reading up on one of your romance books you just discovered the other day. There’s no awkwardness, just a peaceful silence between you two. This occurred often, you both found comfort in one another, not needing to converse. You started to shiver, the crisp air really starting to hit you, Ellie noticed. 

“You gettin’ too cold? Are you ready to leave now?” 

You didn’t want this moment to end, wanting to cherish being in her presence with her, alone. But the cold was really starting to get to you, plus the horses needed to get back to eat. 

“I guess your sweater wasn’t that helpful this time.” You tease. 

Ellie laughs, “Yeah you say that but if I didn’t give it to you I’d hear your whining about how cold you are.” 

“Maybe…” 

Ellie shakes her head, she puts her journal away into her pack and helps you up. You can’t help the tingle in your stomach when your fingers touch hers. You then dust the snow off of you and also put your things away, the both of you going back to the horses to head home. While riding home Ellie starts up a conversation. 

“I know you really like that sweater, I might as well give it to you.” 

“Really?!” 

Ellie chuckles, “Well you wear it more than me so, might as well.”

“Ahh~ Thank you!!”

“It looks better on you than me anyway.” 

You felt the butterflies in your stomach, did she really just say that? This day couldn’t get any better. She gave you her sweater, that’s gotta mean something right?  

When you make it back through the gates you get off the horses to give them back to the workers at the stables. Both of you walk at a slow pace next to each other, talking about what happened on patrol. You were just about to ask her if she wanted to come over and watch a movie tonight until Dina came up to you both. 

“Hey Y/N, hey Ellie!” She greets, “How was the patrol?” 

You answered before Ellie, salty that she interrupted your plans. “It was good, we were able to take some time for ourselves.” 

Ellie whipped her head towards you then looked back at Dina, did she not like you saying that? “Y-yeah just regular patrol shit, you know the routine.” She lets out an awkward laugh.

She definitely didn’t like you saying that. You roll your eyes at her words, shifting your feet you wait for the conversation to end.

“Well I’m glad you both made it back safely!” Dina smiles at you then at Ellie her eyes trailing around her face. 

Guilt filled your gut. 

Ellie blushed for what felt like that thousandth time at Dina’s words, muttering out a thank you her eyes also trailed Dina’s features. You felt like you were gonna puke watching them silently check each other out, envy. 

Dina starts to speak again, “So Ellie, since you’re back, I wanted to know if you wanted to catch dinner at the tipsy bison later today?” 

Your heart sunk to the floor, there is no way in hell she just asked that while you were right there. Not when you were going to make plans with Ellie before, what the fuck. You clenched your fists, not knowing what to do but watch the two. 

Ellie smiled brightly, “Hell yeah I do!” 

Dina returned the smile, asking her what time she would want to go. Her words turned to just white noise to you as you felt your head buzz, your hands started to clam up. You couldn’t take anymore, not even bothering to say a word you walked away. Trying to keep your tears from flowing you clenched your jaw, wanting to get home as soon as possible. 

When you burst through the door you threw your pack off of you, leaning back against the door to close it you slid down. Not being able to contain it anymore the tears flowed down your cheeks. The hot streaks feel like fire on your skin. You wanted nothing else than to lay on your bed and be swallowed by sadness and anger.

Tonight was supposed to be you and Ellie, you already started the day off with each other it was supposed to finish that way too. You heard a knock at your door, jumping up from the floor and quickly wipe your tears. You didn’t want to face her yet, maybe if you don’t answer she’ll go away. The knocks happen again, louder than before. You still don’t answer, slowly stepping back you try to escape from the door trying to not make a sound. Once again the knocks sound, more impatient this time. Before you can bolt to your room, you hear the jingle of keys. 

It then clicks, Ellie doesn’t have the keys to your place. The door opens to reveal Abby, obviously annoyed she starts. 

“What the fuck Y/N, I saw you enter your house. I know you’re here-” 

Her eyes find yours, she sees your disheveled state, concern washes over her face. 

“Oh my god, what happened?” 

Immediately she’s close to you, grabbing your shoulders in concern. Your lip trembled not being able to stop the flood of tears that started to pour down, again. Abby pulls you into her strong arms, holding you tight. You grab onto her shirt, clenching it and rest your head on her sturdy chest. Her hands soothingly run circles on your back, patiently waiting for you to calm down. It takes a couple of minutes before you can pull back and face her. Her eyes full of concern, her hand comes up and wipes the tears off your face. 

She waits patiently for you to tell her what's wrong, “I’m sorry you have to deal with me right now…” You start. 

   “Fuck off.” She scoffs, “Don’t apologize, you will never be a bother to me. Now tell me what’s going on? Who do I have to take care of?” 

You let out a dry laugh, she was always protective of you. She’s been a close friend of yours for over 6 years now. You’ve both been through a lot together, your fathers being close. She was there for you especially when you lost your dad to raiders 4 years ago. Jerry taking you in as his own, you were forever grateful for them. Abby knew all about your feelings for Ellie, she understood how it felt to see someone you love in love with someone else. She experienced the same with Owen and Mel, now having to live with it everyday. You were also there for her during those times, knowing it's still a scar in her heart to this day. You two were inseparable, well until your feelings for Ellie really started to develop. It was then that you wanted to do nothing but be around the auburn haired woman. 

You took a shaky breath, finally getting control of yourself, “It’s Ellie.” You croak. 

Abby’s eyes go dark for a moment, she never really trusted Ellie. She saw how much you cared for her but she also saw the way Ellie melted around Dina and how much it hurt your heart. She couldn’t take seeing you like this. But she pushes her negative thoughts aside, listening to what you have to say. 

You continue on, “We went on patrol, it was so good Abby. I’m still wearing her sweater, see? She even ended up giving it to me!” You pull back to show off the fabric, “We sat under a tree at a special spot she took me too, basking in each other's presence. Fuck it was going so well. But when we came back I was going to ask her to come over later so we could watch a movie together but before I could even get it out, Dina came over.” 

You could see Abby cringe. 

“She talked to the both of us for a bit before her and Ellie got lost with each other, it’s like I wasn’t even there. When they’re together I don't even exist. I hate it.”

You felt Abby’s fingers clench the sides of your waist. 

“That’s not even the worst part.” You looked down fiddling with Abby’s shirt, “Dina then asked her if she wanted to go to the tipsy bison tonight to get dinner. The look on Ellie’s face is all I’ve been replaying in my head, Abby she looked so happy. It made me sick.” 

You could feel the tears start back up, Abby pulled you in again, stroking the back of your head now. 

“I’m so sorry pumpkin.” Abby cooed, a nickname she gave you.

“Okay, let it all out. But once you’re done we’re going to mine, my dad told me to bring you over for dinner.”

You smiled in her hold, you always loved going over to their place, it made you forget all your worries. 

“We can watch a movie instead, fuck Ellie. Sorry.”

“No you’re not.”

“You’re right…” 

Later that night after you and Abby finished the movie she walked you back to your place, she wanted you to stay but you wanted to go home and think about everything that happened today. AKA wallow in your depression. 

As you got closer to your place you saw a figure outside your door, Abby was quick to put you behind her, walking towards the figure in front of you now. The closer you got it was then you realized who it was, Ellie Fucking Williams. 

“God, what is she doing here?” Abby questions. 

Ellie must’ve heard her because she turned around almost immediately after, she looked off. Uncomfortable even, you couldn’t put your finger on it. Abby begins to call out to Ellie but you grab her arm stopping her, her face looking at you with concern. You tell her it’s alright, that you can handle this and you hug her goodbye. She’s hesitant at first but she trusts you, she leaves the both of you heading home. You step towards Ellie in front of your door now.

“It’s late, what are you doing here?” You swallow the lump in your throat. 

Ellie scratches the back of her neck, “Yeah I know it’s late but you ran off earlier just wanted to check that you’re fine.” 

“Well you see I’m alright, is that all?” 

“Actually no…”

You stay silent waiting for her to continue.

“I was wondering if I could get my sweater back.”

Did you just hear what you think you heard, your jaw went slack, eyes wide. 

“Is this a joke? Cause I’m not laughing Ellie.”

“No.”

“You just gave me the sweater, what do you mean you want it back.”

“I know, I know but I wasn’t thinking. I actually do want it.” 

You grab the side of your face in disbelief, there’s no damn way she’s asking for this back. 

“But you barely wear it, you said so yourself.”

“Well I’m going to start wearing it.”

“Pft, yeah right.”

“I’m serious!” Ellie whined. 

You took a step back looking at her, seeing if she has any humor on her features. She’s messed with you before, but this time seems different. 

“Why?” You ask.

“Already told you, I wanna wear it now.” 

“Fine. Hold on.” 

You roll your eyes and get your keys going into your home, walking to the bed you pick up the sweater from when you threw it there. You come back outside and toss the sweater at Ellie, almost missing she catches it. She mutters a thanks but you don’t bother to acknowledge it, you close the door in her face. Leaving her to groan and turn around walking back to her place. The day was really starting to pile on you now, the energy gone and the tears starting again. How could she give you something so precious then rip it away because she now wants to wear it. After you’ve been sporting it for months now, it was annoying. You went to flop onto your bed, mentally drained from everything. As the tears fell and you felt your eyes get heavier you ignored the thought of her wanting the sweater back for that one reason, Dina.

The memory faded from your mind when you felt a hand touch your arm, looking over you see Abby with a small smile on her lips. You returned it, then moved over in the booth letting her climb in. 

“I got you a drink.” She takes a sip of her own. 

“Thanks.” Your eyes go right back to the two. 

Abby’s eyes follow yours and she winces. 

“You’re gonna hurt yourself watching them like that.” 

“Too late.” You let out a dry laugh. “You see what Dina’s wearing?” 

“Yeah…” 

“So much for her wanting to wear it herself again.” 

There was a sudden slam on the table making you jump, Manny leaned over laughing. 

“Got ya!” 

“Ha ha very funny Manny.” You say.

“I know I am hilarious, so what are you two doing sitting down, it’s time to party.” He does a little dance and you can’t help but laugh.

“Y/N here is sulking.” 

“And why is that?” 

Abby motions over to where you guys were previously looking, Manny turns his head to look and immediately understands.

“Oh.”

“Yeah, not the best situation to be in.” 

You let out a sigh, “Can we just go? I don’t know if I can handle it anymore.” 

Abby wants to convince you to stay but she knows how hard it is for you, she’s ready to get up and bring you home but Manny interjects. 

“Hell no, at least finish your drink with us. Come on, it's been a minute since we all had open time to hang out. Plus Nora is on her way now.” 

“I haven’t seen Nora in days now.” You bite your lip, “Fine, I’ll stay for a bit.” 

Abby squeezes your arm, “Are you sure?” 

Her eyes search yours and you nod. She doesn’t let up until you say it.

“I'm sure.” 

Manny joins you both at the table and soon after Nora comes to join you three. For a bit you were able to forget about Ellie and Dina, having fun with your friends and being able to relax. You were all yelling and laughing at Manny and Abby’s patrol stories. 

You told them you’ll be back, that you’re going to get the table another round of drinks. Getting up you walk over to the bar, as you’re ordering you don’t realize the figure that comes up next to you. 

“You guys sound like you’re having fun.”

The voice made you jump, you turned to be face to face with Ellie. You froze in place, was she jealous?

You turn back to the bar, “We are, haven’t seen Nora in a while so we’re all catching up.” 

“Cool, how’ve you been?”

She had to be messing with you at this point, it’s been months since the sweater incident. You two have barely talked since then, you don’t even go on patrols together anymore. You begged Maria to put you on with Abby or Manny, anyone else for that matter. You even went on patrol with Owen once to avoid her, as unbearable as that was. And now she’s talking to you like nothing? Like you both haven’t said more than two words to each other since December. 

It was known now that Dina and Ellie were an item, they were always together. It pained you every time you saw it but you couldn’t really escape it, you just did your best to avoid it. 

“Good, thanks for asking. You?” 

You really didn’t wanna know you were just being nice. 

“Good as well, Dina and I just got back from a busy patrol today.” 

“Oh, really?” 

She kept on telling you about all the infected they ran into on their patrol, you tuned it out. Your drinks couldn’t take any longer, these few minutes felt like an eternity. As if it was a gift from the heavens up above you saw Seth come over with your drinks. She was still talking when you started to grab your drinks. She then stopped what she was saying. 

“Do you need any help?” She asks. 

“No I’m alright, thank you. Listen, it was nice catching up but I gotta get back to my friends.” 

Before you could leave Ellie grabbed your arm, almost making you spill the drinks. You looked at her dumbfounded, she then took the drinks out of your hand and set them on the table. 

“What are you doing-”

“I need to talk to you, it’s been months and you haven’t said more than two words to me. You even switched patrols.” 

“Are you seriously doing this right now Ellie?” 

“Yes I am, since this is the only chance I’ve gotten.” 

“You really want to know why? Do you not remember coming to my house to take back the one thing of yours that you gave me.” 

“Are you seriously not speaking to me because of a sweater-” 

You interrupted her, your voice raising slightly. “God it’s not just because of a sweater, how could you be so unaware.” You couldn’t hold it back anymore, “I like you Ellie, I like you so much it hurts! I’ve liked you since I saw you, we spent every moment together. You gave me something I cherished, not only because I liked the way it looked. I cherished it because it was yours, it was from you and anything from you meant everything to me. But you couldn’t realize it because your mind was clouded with Dina, it was always her and I can never compete with her. I’m not even half as pretty! It hurts me everyday to see you two together, the guilt eats me alive but I can’t help it! So please when you hear me now say leave me alone, I mean it. Leave me alone, please!”

You sucked in a breath, not expecting to let all that out. She stood in shock, not knowing what to say. Before she had a chance to even say anything you turned around and walked over to your friends. The tears welling in your eyes, Abby immediately knew something was wrong. 

“I’m sorry you guys, I had a lot of fun tonight. Thank you for this. But I have to g-go” You couldn’t help the voice crack that came out. 

You pushed out the doors walking into the night, not bothering to look back. The tears really started to fall now, the familiar sting bringing you back to the 3rd of December. You try to bring comfort to yourself and wrap your arms around your body. 

“Pumpkin!” You hear Abby call out. 

You slow down slightly, letting her catch up. As soon as she reaches you she grabs you and pulls you into her chest, her heart breaking when she hears the sobs fall from your lips. She rubs your back, telling you to let it all out, you do. She’s always there for you and you’re eternally grateful.

She hated the way Ellie made you feel but she knew how you felt about her. It was a messed up situation but she knew it all too well. 

Through your sobs you started talking, “She asked me why I haven’t talked to her. She wasn’t even aware of what she’s done, she’s so infatuated with her. Nothing else matters to her. She likes her better, I w-wish I were Dina.” 

You clenched her shirt crying more, Abby felt her heart drop at your words. Her blood boiled, she didn’t want to see you like this anymore. But what else could she do but be there for you at this moment, she knew you would say this was enough. She didn’t think it was, this needed to stop. She would make sure of it. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

HOLY RATS! This is my longest fic to date. As I’m writing this end note idek if Ima proof read it so if I didn't I'm sorry for the mistakes D: 

But I hope you lovelies enjoyed~ As always, feedback is always welcome. Just realized that this is MY FIRST ELLIE FIC AHHHHHHHHHH!! Let me know what y’all think hehe~ 

Have a good night/day lovelies! 

I’m about to go pass out bc I have work in 4 hours 🤠

=^.^=~ 

[crows-spirit]

IM Inktober

Day 11: Puddle