#IM SO SORRY shes a mess
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#i kept... procrastinating........... sorry to everyone who gave me a character for taking so long....#my art#digital#worm#wormblr#i like.. most of these 👍#ive struggled a lot with my alec design but i think im finally starting to get somewhere with him#that specific emma is from arc 5. her dad mentions taylors moms death and taylor lashes out and emma cant help from smiling#so she leans forward on the desk and covers her mouth#the sleeper.... ok so his whole deal is intentionally vague in canon#because someone told wildbow he doesnt need to explain every single deatail about every cape that shows up#so i was able to do whatever the fuck#basically his power is visually described as a not-rainbow storm thats large enough to cover a good chunk of a large city#out of canon wildbow says the only capes whod be able to survive his storm would need to be indestructible or have an impenetrable mind#so i thought yo. i recently watched a video about a short scifi horror story about how certain fractals make people die from looking at the#and the only person who didnt die from seeing the worst one had trained himself by looking at less dangerous fractals#so.. there the sleeper is ig.. a vague figure in the center of a giant fractal mess#i didn't INTEND for aisha to be looking at alec but no harm no foul. its kinda cute#anyway i spent most the day finishing this and now i think i dont wanna draw digitally ever again?
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a new world together
#project sekai#emu otori#pjsk#prsk#proseka#colorful stage#HAPPY BIRTHDAY EMU!!!!! MY BAYABTBTBTHTBTB MY ITTY BOTTY MY SILLY WILLY DAUGHTER MY DESTROYER OF WORLDS. HANDS HER A SWITLY LOLLIPOP.#🍭FOR YOU MY BEAUTIFUL SON. I LOVE MY BESUTIFUL SON.#i make bday profiles for all of wondershow but I FEEL LIKE I DIDNT DO AS GOOD ON EMUS. IM SAD. T_T IT'S STILL CUTE BUT... HEEEM.....#WAAAAAH WAAAUAUAUAUAUGUGUUHGU WAAAAAH#UEUEUUEUEE T____T!!!!!#i had to spark her bday card. i ammdown to 2000 gems. darkness fes here i come.#IM SO SAD I HAVE TO SKIP EMUS PAINTER CAAAAAARD ITS SO CUTE I LOVE IT SO MUUUCH ill draw the outfit lots.... snimiffle. and hope it comes#to me during color fest. About to go play more splatfest i had to finish this while its still the 9th FRYESWEEEEEP PLEASE BE IN THE LEEEEAD#EDIT I LIEEEEED PAINTER EMU IS MIIINE EHEHEHYEJEYEHEHEYEHEY#Peaches and love on planet earth:)#EDIT OH MY GOD IM SO SORRY FOR RUSHING THIS TO GO PLAY SPLATFE ST I DIDNT REALIZE HER RIGHT ARM IS SO MESSED HELPME its fine shes perfect
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☆ decadence divine [ act I ]
{☆} characters arlecchino, neuvillette, furina {☆} notes yandere, drabble, gender neutral reader {☆} warnings yandere content, stalking (implied), kidnapping (implied) {☆} word count 2.3k
ARLECCHINO
Arlecchino was wont to leave social gatherings to her subordinates– the private meetings were where she thrived. It was so much easier to lure your prey into a trap when you didn't have prying eyes and ears waiting for the barest hint of blackmail.
She clicked her tongue in distaste, her eyes narrowing beneath the mask of the fox as she set down her cup sharply. It was difficult as it was to draw them from the safety of their bubble– at the slightest hint of danger, her quarry would run. A chase would be fun, but she couldn't risk getting caught here. The political nightmare it would cause..it already gave her a headache. She had to be discreet.
They weren't making it easy, however.
Which is why she never liked crowds. But this chance didn't come by every day. She wasn't going to simply let it pass by because of a little danger. She'd have them eventually, it was just a matter of how. There were already numerous of her own lingering in the crowds, hidden beneath the masks that every patron bore. It was difficult to stand out amongst the flurry of masked patrons constantly shifting around the room, moving from one conversation to another, gliding from one dance partner to another.
Her heeled boots clicked sharply against the tile as she stalked through the crowds, keeping a wide berth yet always lingering nearby– she was sure they could feel the vague sense of being watched, but with the huge crowds..her lips quirked into a grin with the barest flash of teeth. There were a great many ways to break them in– she'd spent a great amount of time and mora to get anything she could for blackmail, if she so wished. She had the backing of the Fatui as well if she played her cards right– it wouldn't be difficult to convince them that they were a valuable target, and none of them would dare to question just what she did with them afterwards.
Perhaps a bit of play, first. Test the waters. She was familiar with playing the polite gentleman, despite her status as a Fatui Harbinger. Stage something for her to intervene, perhaps, to look the hero. The look of shock when she revealed the wolf beneath the wool..she could see it already. That wide, doe-eyed look as they realized the monster they've followed blindly like a lost lamb..she was beginning to see the appeal.
All it took was a few hushed words and subtle signals before the tiles started to fall in place, her hand gliding along their lower back as she leaned over their shoulder with a thin, predatory smile. She'd have to organize for the agent to be released later, her eyes following as the Gardes dragged him out of the room in a flurry of curses, but for now..she tilted her head to peer down at them, polite and almost apologetic.
"You aren't too startled, are you? Now now, there's no need to look so..scared, poor thing. I won't let another lay a hand on you," She cooed in a sickly sweet tone, the husky rasp of her voice whispered in their ear like dripping honey. "You have my word. Now, why don't we get you some fresh air? Come. Allow me to escort you."
Her lips pulled into a jagged grin at the relief in their eyes– the blind lamb following the shepherd as it led them into it's maw. Just a little longer, and she could finally have her own caged bird– a pretty thing to admire, to protect, to possess.
Something no one else would ever touch again. Something hers.
NEUVILLETTE
Neuvillette was not one for parties. The intricacies and delicate handling of public relations he oft left in the capable hands of Furina, rather then himself. It was only at her behest he even attended at all, but he still felt rather..out of place amongst the bodies constantly shifting through the ballroom like a constant rush of water from one end to the other, no rhyme nor reason to the flow. The only thing that kept him afloat among the tides was the mask of the deer obscuring his face– even if it was exceedingly difficult to truly hide himself among the crowds, most passed over him without second thought.
Though he had to be honest with himself, even if he couldn't bring himself to admit it to Furina despite her insistence that his attendance was mandatory. He had his own reasons for coming– selfishness that left a sour taste in his mouth. It was purely by chance he'd seen the briefest glimpse of them prior, and he..was intrigued, that was all.
He refused to let his thoughts linger on the sleepless nights he spent prying every piece of information he could from loose tongues and obscure documents, every moment he managed to squeeze in between trials spent lingering in their most favored locations– cafes, stores, restaurants, the like.
Now a masquerade.
He tried not to let the guilt gnaw at his conscious, but it lingered like an age old scar that still ached.
So he relegated himself to simply residing in the further corner, nursing a goblet of water like a fine wine, trying not to let his eyes stray to the brief glimpses of them through the ever moving bodies filling the center of the room, dancing like puppets in music boxes.
Still, his hand twitched in an instinctual desire– a need to clasp his hand in their own, to touch his lips upon their knuckles, to indulge in a moment of reprieve and unshackle himself from the mantle that bears heavy upon his shoulders. He seeks reverence, worship, but not of himself– but towards the one who had drawn the eye of the dragon amongst the waves of humans he'd seen come and go for a great many years.
No one could compare, he is certain. None have left him as breathless, as hopelessly infatuated, as the one who made him wish only to kneel at their feet in senseless reverence until he could no longer speak. A hopeless man, indeed, if he has never even truly met them.
Instead he's spent his time prying into their life from the shadows. Caution, or simple cowardice?
He dares not ponder.
Yet in his ceaseless pondering he'd blocked out the world without, failing to notice the figure stepping up beside him until their hand brushed against his elbow– just the briefest touch, but it had his pupils narrowing and his entire body tensing like a coiled spring. That touch..bliss. It left him breathless and lightheaded as he tilted his head to regard them, his lips parting in a shaky sigh. They are as beautiful as he remembers– even with their face obscured beneath the mask, he would never forget them.
"Greetings, Monsieur– I hope I didn't frighten you too much." Their laugh made him feel rather faint, just the sound of their voice making his hand tighten around his cane. "..Not at all. I was simply lost in thought." He admitted apologetically, trying to reign in the urge to cup their face between his palms. A dangerous thought. He didn't want to scare them off when they'd provided him a priceless opportunity.
"My apologies, you must have needed something. It was rude of me to have been so absorbed in my thoughts to have ignored you." He continued, gently turning to set his goblet down– offer them his full attention, be a gentleman. The words rang in his skull like a ceaseless alarm, blaring and rattling his thoughts as he gently took their hand in his own. It was a split second decision– an indulgence, but he could simply not help himself. Even with his gloves between them, he felt like he was going to lose his composure just from such a brief touch..
He truly was a hopeless man before an altar, praying for a salvation he intends to bury deep beneath the waves– to keep it hidden in the darkness of the depths that only he can reach. A selfish man, he must be, to even think of it, but it is an itch that he cannot scratch. A need that must be satisfied. He cannot allow any hands but his own to tend to them, to know what it feels to touch them, to hear their voice and see their eyes as he prays– prays like a man starved, devotion born of desperation.
"I hope I did not make you wait too long." He smiles, soft and affectionate, like the bloom of spring beneath the winters chill– yet just as deadly, only masked by the sweet fragrance of flowers.
He had waited too long.
No longer.
FURINA
Furina was right at home amongst the crowds– where the masks obscured the identities of most, it was impossible to not recognize the charming banter of the Hydro Archon beneath the mask of the lamb as she graced the masquerade with her presence, speaking with a silver tongue to any who would listen. A truly enthralled audience fitting for the grandest of performers in Fontaine.
But her eyes lingered not on the people who's praise dripped from their lips like honey– yet so very bitter upon her tongue. Even the mask obscuring her expression did little to hide the longing that had her visibly deflating like a popped balloon. She hated all the eyes on her, really– it was suffocating. She was only putting on a show in the foolish hope that they'd finally pay attention to her. Just her luck, she supposes, that instead she's had to throw herself straight into the role of Archon without a pay off..
They hadn't even spared her a glance! It would be infuriating if not for the fact she couldn't even keep her composure just seeing them across the room. They didn't even have to look at her and she could feel the heat rush to her ears as she forced another smile at the crowd gathered around her. It was unfair how easily they could fluster her without even knowing it– her heart was thumping so hard against her ribcage she felt like it might burst.
Her only solace was the fact none of the patrons seemed to realize she'd clocked out of the conversation, her thoughts and eyes lingering on the distant figure– what a lovestruck fool she makes..it was a chance encounter she'd seen them during one of her outings. That was all it took to enthrall her, evidentially, try as she might to have ignore it for months.
They never left her mind for longer then a day, in the end, and she had to face the fact they had managed to enrapture her so deeply she felt like a newborn lamb learning to walk whenever she so much as thought of them. What an embarrassment! She..she was the Archon, she had a reputation to maintain, she couldn't be seen fawning over a human.
But oh, she still longed for it, beneath the veneer of a God. She'd watched them more times then she'd admit even to herself, wishing to find herself in place of those who'd hands were cradled so casually in their own– to hear their voice, their laughter, as often as she pleased..like a fine delicacy she so badly wished to taste, yet so far from her reach.
Would they think her pathetic for her infatuation? She pursed her lips at the thought, trying to bury the sour mood beneath her faux image of the Archon. Yet it lingered, and with only the quietest of excuses, she slipped into the crowd like a ghost– she needed to leave before she did something..stupid. Neuvillette would surely have a few choice words with her if she did, and she was inclined to avoid such a fate.
She..she just needed a moment to collect herself was all. That was it. She could go back to playing Archon for a little longer, she just needed a moment to herself. At the very least, the balcony had been regarded as off limits so late into the party– which gave her an opportunity to slip out of the public view for the briefest of moments. A welcome reprieve– she was starting to feel suffocated amongst the crowds.
Perhaps on instinct, she reached for the mask, lifting ever so slightly away..only to let out a startled yelp at the touch of a hand on her shoulder, the mask slipping back into place far too easily. It made her lightheaded, even now, but she dared not to dwell on it.
But when she turned sharply on her heel to chew out the person who'd followed her and had the gall to scare her..oh, she was done for, her ears flush with heat. The brief glimpse of their eyes beneath the mask, the curl of their lips as they smiled– her heart stuttered in her chest, and she was certain it had stopped all together when they clasped her hand.
"Y–you.." She wanted to be angry, to brush them off and leave with her rationality in tact, but the warmth of their hands on her skin rendered her speechless. She was no better then a fish on land, struggling to fill her lungs with air as she drew in a shaky breath. "Ahem, you caught me off guard. That's all. Surely you do not make it a habit to sneak up on people?" She huffed in indignation, trying to mask the fluster that threatened to break through her carefully crafted facade.
Ah, what a cruel twist of fate..she'd slipped away to escape their allure, but here they were, dragging her back into their orbit without even knowing how deep her infatuation ran. They were alone, too..it was a chance she wasn't sure she'd ever get again.
Maybe, just this once, she could do something for herself rather then everyone else.
She buried her guilt, the fear– buried it beneath the need to be seen.
"But if you want to make it up to me.."
#genshin impact#genshin impact yandere#genshin yandere#neuvillette x reader#yandere neuvillette#yandere neuvillette x reader#arlecchino x reader#yandere arlecchino#yandere arlecchino x reader#furina x reader#yandere furina#yandere furina x reader#fic tag#pats neuvillette this noodle dragon can be so pathetic#aiming for pathetic desperate and slightly guilty. it gnaws at him knowing he's keeping you like a bird in a cage#esp if you react extremely negatively hes like a kicked puppy#not outwardly but internally hes a MESS. sobbing crying wailing#furina and neuvi sopping wet kittens u found in a cardboard box in an alley#vs arle thinking abt all the crimes shes going 2 commit in the process w/o an ounce of guilt. blackmail? check. kidnapping? check.#a little murder for flavor. as u can see im coping horribly w being practically snowed in rn i need 2 be put down#its like 4 degrees out rn (fahrenheit) and getting colder ueueueue i am dying..........#only thing keeping me going is my furinameow plushie coming. eventually. staying strong just for her.................#also needs 2 be mentioned all the stories r separate ksjfkhdsf#no not everyone in fontaine is yan and trying 2 kidnap sorry for getting ur hopes up..#yet#anyway u cant convince me arle isn't bribing (or just straight up forcing) her agents into doing stupid shit so she can “save” you#and make you owe her#two silly goofy little creatures vs the personification of gaslight gatekeep girlboss (heavy on the gaslight)#also split this up in 3 parts bc. lol. lmao. im not writing 9 characters at once goodbye#also all the masks do actually have significance i have an entire essay on why i gave each animal to specific characters okay
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apologies to my followers who don't watch Star Trek but i still cannot get over the way Data enters the bridge in episode 2 of TNG after having just boinked Tasha. look at him. the style. the lean. the confidence.
this is the fruitiest android i have ever seen!
#star trek#star trek data#data tng#so context: basically everyone on the u.s.s enterprise catches an infection from another ship that makes them act drunk#because they were investigating what happened to the crew after receiving a strange and concerning message from them#basically they were all dead from the ship's emergency latch getting borked because everyone was drunk and their judgement was impaired#so they ended up messing with the ship and got frozen to death#this spreads to the u.s.s enterprise through touch and when it gets to tasha she ends up finding data#and tasha's like ''hey bbg you're 'fully functional' right? wanna smash'' and data's like ''why yes of course i am fully functional#and yes i do want to partake in this 'smashing' activity''#and then they bang#and the infection spreads to data (despite him being an android and not a human which implies the infection is quite strong)#because tasha touched him#and this is the way he waltzes into the bridge afterwards. keep in mind he is usually not this emotive like at all#he's so babygirl#you will likely only see dataposting for the next few weeks im so sorry#i love data so much you dont understand
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head in my hands. i wonder if, while nille is waiting at home, hoping that bonnie is safe, begging the world to return them to her, regretting that she sent them away. i wonder if she regrets running away with them, too, all those years ago. obviously it was a better choice than staying, but- she'd thought that when she bought bonnie time to run from the time freeze, too. their parents were absolute shit guardians, but is nille any fucking better?
she shouldn't have been taking care of a toddler when she was barely older than bonnie is now, she shouldn't be taking care of a child now, but she wanted to keep them with her. she should've dropped them off at a house of change instead of dragging them down with her, but no. she's selfish. irrational. digging herself deeper and deeper after every mistake. just like her fucking parents.
#AHHHHHHHH#AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#nille is so young she's a fucking babyyy i was a mess at 19 she'd been parenting for YEARS#NILLE!!!! YOU ARE DOING THE BEST YOU CAN AND IT IS SO GOOD#BONNIE NEEDS YOU!! YOU!!!! YOU ARE GOOD FOR THEM#IM SORRY YOU HSVE TO GO THROUGH THIS NILLE BUT#YOU GOT THIS!!!!!!!!#isat#isat spoilers#nille#thoughts about nille#thoughts
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camp cretaceous doodles from 2020/early 2021 when i was trying to figure out how to draw the campers
#jwcc#jurassic world camp cretaceous#camp cretaceous#i dont like posting drawings but idk im doodling the chaos theory version of them so i thought maybe i should post these old ones#also posting on tumblr feels weird#idk#do not come at me for calling yaz a lesbian ok the kenji + yaz doodles were from back when season 2 launched#the others were from when i finished watching season 1 and was waiting for season 2#i dont really draw often#also idk why i didnt draw yaz in the first one. she was/is literally my favorite. i think i was scared of messing her up#baby gotta look pretty#anyway#bye#sorry#my post
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Carla : lisa , you know I'd go to hell and back for you. but sometimes I just wish you'd stop going there
#affectionately said with all the love in the world#shes like pls stop putting yourself through the gutter. pleaseeee#carla is literally laying down all of the welcome mats all of them like im inviting you in#carla is just an anxious puppy wondering if ur okay like seriously hey hey are you okay hey#they both love eachother so much that its like tearing at their insides ripping them apart but in two vastly different ways#lisa at this point just feels like everything is crumbling around her and carla clearly having feelings for her that she can see so so clear#is making everything worse for her#because in turn she wants carla to leave to get out before she's ultimately ruined#like this isnt what you want at all and i want it but i have to resist and hold it far away from me#sorry i am a mess#and you don't want that mess#but carla wants it so bad#carla literally loves her like its breathing#she will protect her with her entire soul but she just has to be let in#dog metaphors#dog metaphors galore#coronation street#swarla#carla x lisa#carla connor#lisa swain#im like a kid with barbie dolls going NOW KISS
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Flowerpilled cutemaxxer
#im sorry for the caption i couldnt think of anything better#her fur is a mess it's been soooooo windy#i took her with me to run some errands and she was SO GOOD#i have not spent a lot of time reinforcing loose leash walking recently. fortunately she is still an angel#also that's not a perspective trick the tulips are legitamately taller than Whim#dogblr#havanese#whim the havanese
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I FINALLY MET TREE HUGGER AND FLUTTERSHY IS IN LESBIANS WITH HER. this is my art of her.
#art#digital art#my little pony#brony#mlp#fanart#tree hugger mlp#tree hugger#shes gay#i messed up the hair but i gave up cuz i already spent TWO HOURS on this mediocre drawing#also messed up her hooves#i havent made a clean lined drawing in so long im sorry tree hugger ill do better next time
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I promise I didn't mean to draw her
It just happened
This is the picture I used as reference (it was an accident my ass)
#literally first time ever drawing brades im so sorry#she is just so drawable yk?#the eyebrows r really dark bc i kept messing up and it was like 2 in the morning#ashlyn banner#ashlyn sbg#sbg#school bus graveyard
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Me, after watching Act 3 of Arcane Season 2:
#arcane#arcane spoilers#arcane season 2#im so sorry vi the writers fucked it up with your character#and im so sorry heimerdinger i guess the writers didnt know what to do with you#and im so sorry isha that you were using as a tool to make jinx suffer and then forgotten#and i could keep going on and on#sevika was forgotten for almost all season#maddie didnt matter loris didnt matter fishlco (i dont know his name) didnt matter-#caitlyn arc this season was a mess and thanks to that she ruined caitvi this season for me#im so sorry but gosh this season was a glorified fanfic and only s1 exists
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#my art#arcaea#insight#compassion#Um should i start putting arcaea as their last name LMFAO#… i’ll add it to all the character tags when i open tumblr on laptop…#anyways expect this shit to be ooc when update drops tomorrow! orr like 17ish hours for me#at the time of posting#but uhhh#its like skg throws herself into loving miracles (which finding true miracles was her real conviction)#and loving other worlds and creations in general#to not focus on the fact she isnt receiving any love back (and the last time Ever was from compassion who she left behind with that world)#and like by throwing herself i mean she goes completely bonkers Freak territory in loving#girl what if the real miracle was compassion’s hand hmm#jkjk#in the first pic look at that fool focused on whatever cube she made instead of compassion looking right at her come on man#i wonder at what point skg began to feel unsettled#im so intrigued by that little bit of her story#HOORAY FOR LORE PLEASE L0W1RO THROW ME GOOD CRUMBS#also yeah it starts off one sided between them (compassion -> skg)#f for compassion guys she could Not get skg to stay#im not entirely sure why for this next bit#but i think compassion has some slight cheeky vibes#more of a front when she’s older .whatever countless years is#so like. ‘found you!’ is said like hide n seek game#(how would skg confront her anyway knowing that she left her behind)#oh and compassion was taller when they were young but for some reason skg just shot up in height lololol#yeah sorry mess of tags Guys i really need arcaea update NOW
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My farmer arc
#yeah its way to late in the year to be hatching but this is florida where crackheads and repu-#anyways it doesnt get truly cold until january and they will be fully feathered by then#they have a mom#and she is UH WARM#shes a silkie so you know brooding powerhouse#my mom's silkies actually#these guys arent mine but she dont mess with them and Sarah wanted to brood on a clutch so i let her#FIRST TIME TOO SHE DID GREAT the other 3 eggs are a little younger so they will probably pip tomorrow#only one death and it was from an unobsorbed yolk#being medicated has been fucking fantastic i have a normal relationship with the internet so far and i have been like....idk healtheir?#still haveing heath problems like CURRENTLY RIGHT NOW AS IM TYPING IM IN PAIN but like overall mental health is FANTASITC i dont feel manic#anymore at all its just nice and good and ive gotten out of the years long brain fog ive had for the most part it seems#sorry for the turbo haiatus but i said before i post on my own terms for drwwings and comic#i have to thank you all with being very patient with me so eveeyone gets a cute Chick picture
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umm bingo for knuxouge? curiouse 🤔
#whenever people ship this they always reduce rouge to sexy flirt and knuckles as bumbling mess im sorry its so boring#its not even fun bickering#i dont mind them having maybe tiny crushes on eachother or smth like that#and have fun bickering#but i feel like this ship#kinda hinges on them giving up parts of themselves?#like rouge is a thief and doesnt like sharing#shes greedy and fun and awesome#not respectfull at all#and uses flirting as a tool!!!#knux on the other hand is there to follow his ancestors footstep#or to find his own place on the world#he straight up HATES people stealing his shit#just keep them as respected rivals with fun bickering
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i think the adult relationship to the childhood dog is something that is so tender and heart-wrenching and important. you are the last vestige of my childhood. you are the sacred keeper of the memories i hold dearest, but you can barely see or hear me anymore. who do i become once you’re gone? where do i turn to remember myself? you’re the last one sitting next to me at the door of a childhood home that no longer exists, waiting patiently for the return of a family that no longer exists. where can i live when you, too, no longer exist? i can’t let go. please don’t make me let go. i know you’ll leave soon. i wish you didn’t have to. but she’s just a dog. her life is short and i will witness her death and i’ve known this from the beginning. i didn’t think it would come so fast. am i ready? have i become someone yet? have i become unrecognizable to her yet? does she still see the child i was? i’m still the child i was. please, don’t forget the child i was. please don’t take her away from me.
#i wrote this and put it in my drafts a few months ago#and now my childhood dog just died and im a complete fucking mess and i keep coming back to this#she was my baby#i got her as a birthday present from my parents#only a couple months before everything fell apart#i didnt know what was going on at home was abuse or that things were bad or that thwy would change#i just knew that my parents got me a puppy so i must be the luckiest girl in the world#and she was with us through all of it#and she knew our pain too#he was the one who wanted to put her in a shock collar#we all cried and begged him not to#she was just as traumatized by him as the rest of us#she was the last thread tying me to a time before i understood how bad things were#i don’t know who to be now#im sorry this is sooooo dramatic#i just loved my puppy#but she was 14 years old and we knew it was coming#i just hoped we’d have her for christmas
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just said goodbye to the therapist i've been seeing for the past four years and the only therapist i've ever trusted and i am SO emotional rn, mostly in a good way. it was really special to be able to just talk about everything from the past four years and hear her perspective on exactly how much i've grown. there were so many ways i was hurting so much when i was 18 that i had forgotten about. and she reminded me about how at our first session i said that i didn't think it would be possible for me to have a future at all and then here i am, living out all the dreams of my younger self. i almost started fucking CRYING. she said that she was so honored by the trust i had placed into her, knowing all my institutionalization trauma and it turns out she knew i was lying to her for like the first six months i saw her LMFAO but that she thought it would be worth it if she could prove to me that i could trust her. she read things about disability justice and anticarceral psych inbetween sessions so she could better figure out how to support me and never once threatened to call the cops. idk i just appreciate how much she was there for me over the past four years and it truly feels like the end of an era. just. wow. SO Many emotions
#personal#i feel really good about stopping therapy and i think it was right and she thinks so too#but woah. it's wild to think this person has seen me almost every week for four years. well we switched to every month#the last year.#but she knows SO Much about me and then now i might not ever talk to her again. which is fucking wild!!! it's wild!!!#turns out i was one of her first patients and she usually didn't take 18 year olds but bc her practice was so new she was like sure yeah#and then stuck with me bc she was like no this one is special#sorry im just an emotional mess rn. in a good way#so proud of myself. and grateful for everyone who got me to this point
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