#like this isnt what you want at all and i want it but i have to resist and hold it far away from me

[ashmedai-hamelech]

this is why i think “fandom is a kind of religion” isnt nearly as outlandish a statement as it sounds.

in my experience, the exact same thing that makes christians search Revelations for signs of the apocalypse is what causes what OP describes; negotiation with the text. as a reader, personally, you are inherently ignorant of & disconnected from the author of any work you come across, just owing to the fact that youve prolly never met them. the first time through something, you know nothing of the author, their work, nor their intentions with the work.

its your job to read, reread, watch, rewatch, question, answer, debunk, re-bunk, post old man hole, weigh evidence & critically think to bridge that gap. To learn the story, the author, a little bit of truth, & build community while doing it.

but theres no guardrails. your gut is all you have.

just because fandoms dont consider the world in theological terms, does not mean that the natural laws which govern the actions of one dont apply to the other. they’re both social systems, organic organizations which sprout up naturally over decades or centuries, to facilitate the multitudes who all want to negotiate at once, & in order to cope with the above stated knowledge problem. both are excellent at the job they exist to do, & both are capable of manmade horrors beyond your comprehension.

just because you dont talk about G-d in your discord server doesn’t mean you’re not falling into similar traps with different names.

its not that theres cathedrals everywhere for those with eyes to see, its that theres something to be liked about everything. blazing inferno or dying spark, bright or dim, theres touch of light. but if you’re not careful, & get caught in an echo chamber, say, youll see quite a lot more light than is really there.

perhaps unsurprisingly, this mechanism is also what causes descents into fascism.

log onto tumblr and you learn that cowboys are secretly leftist and pirates are secretly leftist and superhero comics are secretly leftist and vikings are secretly leftist and greco-roman antiquity is secretly leftist and knights are secretly leftist and the concept of the appalachian region is secretly leftist and all genre fiction is innately secretly leftist and every animated show you ever watched as a kid is secretly leftist and you never have to think about the political subtext of anything ever and you log off tumblr and for some reason people are talking about a descent toward fascism

[cent-scratchnsniff]

hoptal

[satsugacafe]

𝐒𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐀𝐔: 𝐖𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐘𝐨𝐮’𝐫𝐞 𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐫 𝐒𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐞

➳❥ 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬: Jugram Haschwalth, Ishida Uryu, Aizen Sosuke

➳❥ 𝐑𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭: Hello! If it isnt too much trouble could you do a soulmate au for jugram, uryu, and aizen(separately)? Thank you❤️

➳❥ 𝐀/𝐍: I did not expect to write so much for this, but then again, I was deeply invested in this AU >.< I love these types of AUs. Round star dividers were from my dear friend @/edensrose

➳❥ 𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐱𝐭: How each character meet or connect with you, their soulmate, through the unique bond you share.

𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 | 𝐍𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐠𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 | 𝐓𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

☾ Jugram Haschwalth — Colourblind

He didn’t believe in soulmates. The idea of being bound and destined to a stranger was fickle, not when he had more pressing matters at hand, like tending to His Majesty. Giving himself to someone else and dedicating his life to be devoted was unheard of—there was only one person he was devoted to, and it belonged to the man who saved his life and gave him purpose. Not you. Not some random person who would enter his life in a sweeping moment and flip everything upside down.

And you did. When he saw the world in black and white, how else was he to perform his duties to the fullest? He needed you as his other half to be that addition to his bleak life—no matter how hard he refused to accept, he needed you.

There you were, standing atop a hill, overseeing the city below like a sentinel with a look on concentration on your face. One moment he staring at the muted tones of you, and the next, he was staring at the shade your hair flickered under the sun and the colour of your shocked eyes when they landed on him. He felt disoriented at the sudden sharpness of the world around him, especially you.

He knew it meant. Part of him wanted to reject, the other part wanted to keep you to himself, like some sacred treasure that gave him his sight back.

“Quincy, huh?” Came your first words to him. They weren’t filled with disgust or animosity like he expected, instead, interest—pure, genuine interest. “Would have never guess it.”

You were his soulmate. The person meant to complete him. The one thing he was supposed to cherish above all else. And you were a Shinigami.

His enemy.

His duty was to Yhwach had always bee absolute. The Quincies had waged war against the Shinigami for centuries, and now fate had bound him to you—tied his very sigh, his very world, to your existence. It was cruel. And yet…

He did not want to let you go. That realisation sent a sharp pang through his chest. His hand twitched at his side, fingers aching to reach for you despite himself. He opened his mouth to speak, shut it, then opened it again, hand curling around the hilt of his sword as if waiting for the inevitable. “You do not appear displeased?”

You scoffed at his hesitation. “You could have been an Espada—didn’t matter. You’re my soulmate, clear as daylight, no pun intended.” Strolling down the hill to stand a few feet away from him, you folded your arms. “And I’ve been waiting a damn long time for you to give me my sight.”

He felt himself smiling, the corners of his lips twitching slightly. Your words clearly struck a cord of similarity within. Slackening his hand on his sword, he let it fall at his side, his fingers twitching at the lack of holding something. “Now that it has returned, what do you want?”

You blinked, brows lifting at his directness. A beat passed, then—

“Wow,” you exhaled, shaking your head. “You really aren’t the romantic type, huh?”

He stiffened slightly. “I don’t see how—”

“Not even a ‘where have you been all my life’ or a ‘you’re my missing half’?” you cut in with a teasing grin. “No sweeping me off my feet? No dramatic declaration of undying love? Nothing? Damn…”

“This is not a game,” he muttered through clenched teeth.

“Never said it was,” You tilted your head, studying him with an intensity that sent a shiver through him. Then, after a pause, you exhaled in defeat. “But if you’re the brooding type—the whole ‘my duty comes first, I can’t have a soulmate’ thing—then just say so.”

His fingers curled into fist. Yous saw right through him.

Your gaze searched his, patient, waiting. But Jugram had no answer to give. He didn’t know what he wanted. You were an impossibility, something he should reject, something he should let go.

And yet—

You took his silence for your answer and slumped your shoulders with an almost saddened look in your eyes. “Got it,” you murmured and slowly turned on your heel to depart. “I’ll, uh—I’ll take my leave then. No hard feelings.”

But something twisted violently in him. His hand shot out before he could stop himself, fingers curling around your wrist. The warmth of your skin against his was nearly scorching. His heartbeat roared in his ears, his thoughts a chaotic mess. He shouldn’t be doing this. He should let you go. But he couldn’t.

“…Don’t go,” he whispered with a mix of a command and plea. “I…”

You smiled at him, reassuring and understanding. You saw the internal conflict. Lifting your free hand to brush lightly over the back of his where he still held your wrist, he tightened his hold, not wanting to let go.

“Why don’t we start off simple if you’re unsure, then?” you suggested and turned to face him, chest to chest. “A name wouldn’t hurt anyone. I’m Y’N.”

His hold on your wrist tightened as he took an unconscious step forward, closing the gap. Before he could stop himself, his lips parted to respond to your simple call—a response that would spiral him into your world. “…Jugram.”

“Well, it’s nice to meet you, Jugram. I’ve been waiting for you for quite a while.”

He gulped, feeling his heart fluttering erratically, because deep down, so was he.

☾ Ishida Uryu — Shared Pain & Skin-writing

Uryu winched, his fingers tightening around the book he had been reading, the sudden sharp sting in his knee jolting him from his thoughts. It was a familiar pain, one he had felt countless times before, but this time, after months of silence, it struck him like an accusation.

You had done that on purpose.

For the past three months, he had managed to push down the instinct to reach for you. To pick up a pen and scrawl something against his skin just to see you answer. He had been trying—struggling—to keep his distance. Not because he wanted to, but because his world had become more dangerous than ever. He had been thrown into the midst of something you had no right to be involved in, something he didn’t want to lose you to. And yet, even after all this time, you still wanted to talk to him. Still reached for him, even when he had made no effort to reach back.

His hand twitched toward the pen on his desk. He hesitated for only a second before reaching for it, his movements hesitant, as if testing whether he had the right to do this after so long. Then, pressing the cool tip to his forearm, he finally let himself write:

What do you want?

Seconds passed, then, before the could second-guess himself, the ink began to fade, the letters disappearing as your skin absorbed the message. Then, just as quickly, a reply followed with familiar, messy strokes that made his chest ache with something he wasn’t ready to name.

Oh, so now you answer.

His lips twitched. He practically heard your irritated voice, your frustration that barely concealed the relied underneath. You weren’t really angry, just hurt that he had ignored you.

You stopped writing first, he countered. It wasn’t entirely true, but he couldn’t admit to his reasons yet.

There was a pregnant pause before letters appeared on his skin again. Three months Uryu. Three! I thought you died or something.

His fingers tightened around the pen. You weren’t far off. A part of him had died in these past months. The moment he had stepped into Yhwach’s world, everything had changed. But you didn’t know that. You didn’t know what he had become. What he had chosen.

He took a deep breath, forcing the thought away and allowed his pen to move. Responding with something safer, not yet a confession.

I’m fine.

A pause and then.

Bullshit.

You were perceptive—always had been, even without knowledge of his world.

I mean, he wrote. I’ve been…busy.

Then came another pause. An even longer one. Long enough that he almost wondered if you had decided to stop replying. Then, finally—

Are you going to tell me what’s wrong or keep lying to me?

His grip on his pen tightened before he tossed himself onto his bed and stared up at the ceiling. What could he possibly tell you? He really wanted to pout everything out, explaining his silence, but he would hate himself for burdening you with his troubles. This was his choice, and he wasn’t going to drag you into this.

With his hesitation, you took his silence as an answer and scribbled on your hand once more as words appeared on his skin.

I miss talking to you.

You missed talking to him. His heart clenched and felt caught in his throat the longer he stared at the message. After everything, you still missed him, after the silence you still—

Me too, he replied. The first honest response for the night.

Good. Now explain why you’re ignoring your soulmate.

Soulmate. The words weren’t foreign to him, and it make his pulse hammer each time you used it. He still remembered when he fought the idea at first. Rejecting it outright, the concept itself had felt too irrational, too binding, too…dangerous. But over time, he had stopped fighting it because despite everything, there was something undeniably…comforting about the connection you shared.

…It wasn’t personal, he scribbled slowly.

But your response was immediate.

Then why?

He clenched his jaw. You weren’t going to let this go.

Because my life is complicated.

So is mine, smarty pants. But that didn’t stop me from talking to you.

You had a point, but it wasn’t the same. You didn’t understand what he was caught in, what he had been forced to do. If you knew—if you even had an inkling of what he had become—you wouldn’t be writing to him like this.

I didn’t want to drag you into my mess.

Boo hoo, that’s not you’re choice to make, buddy.

You were right, but it didn’t change anything.

He pressed the pen against his skin again, but before he could write, more words appeared.

Uryu, please…I don’t need to know everything. I just…don’t disappear again. Don’t leave me, please.

For a fraction of a second, his heart stopped. His fingers curled around the pen, gripping it like a lifeline.

I won’t.

Okay. He could tell that your reply was softer this time.

Silence stretched between you after that, neither of you writing anything for a long moment, but for once, it wasn’t an uncomfortable silence. It wasn’t heavy with unspoke words or the weight of his choices.

It just was.

Can’t sleep? He wrote on impulse without thinking them through.

I could ask you the same thing.

A small, almost imperceptible smile tugged at the corners of his lips.

Then we’re even.

We could play a game. Like old times.

His fingers hovered over his skin, as he fought to enjoy this moment, not knowing what tomorrow would bring.

Alright, just like old times.

☾ Aizen Sosuke — Red String

The red string of fate had always been a concept that Aizen found…amusing. It was whispered about in the hushed concerns of Seireitei, a myth spoken of in quiet reverence by those who still believed in destiny. Even among Shinigami, the idea of an unbreakable connection binding two souls together was seen as little more than an old wives’ tale. And yet, here he was, following the near-invisible thread tied around his finger through the streets of Rukongai.

Curiosity had stirred within him, an unfamiliar sensation tugging at the edges of his m ind. It was not often that something escaped his notice, and yet, here was proof of something he had overlooked, was not according to his plan—his own soulmate. The notion should have been laughable. He was a Captain of the Gotei 13, a man who had long since abandoned the confines of simple belief in fate. And yet, the strong remained, unyielding, leading him to an unknown destination.

As he stepped past the worn dirt paths and into the bustling districts, the scent of sake and cooked food mingled with the crisp evening air. lanterns flickered in warm hues, casting long shadows against wooden buildings. The sound of laughter and conversation drifted through the streets as citizens lost themselves in the ordinary pleasures of their lives. Yet Aizen’s gaze remained fixated on the red string, watching as it wove through the crows with ease, guiding him forward to a tavern.

The moment he entered, the tavern was filled with workers and travellers, all too occupied with their own affairs to pay attention to the newcomer. His gaze flickered across the room, scanning faces with an unreadable expression, until—

There you were.

There was nothing remarkable about you in the way that nobles or warriors were deemed. You were not adorned in fine silks, nor did you carry the weight of power upon your shoulders. And yet, Aizen found himself unable to look away.

“Welcome,” you greeted as you approached, noticing that he was standing without a seat. “Would you like something to drink, eat or a seat?”

For a moment, he did not answer, merely observing, taking in the way your eyes flickered with warmth, the way you stood with a quiet confidence despite the bustling atmosphere. Then, he smiled. “Jasmine tea. Warm.” When you nodded and turned away to prepare his order, he found a sit at the counter.

He had expected something…different. A noble, perhaps a fellow Shinigami. Someone who already resided within his world, who shared the burdens and ambitions that came with it. Instead, he found you—simple soul, untouched by the ridge structures of Seireiei, existing within a life entirely separate from his own. And yet, the string did not waver.

When you returned, setting the small ceramic cup before him, he tilted his head slightly. “I haven’t seen you before,” he remarked.

You blinked, clearly caught off guard by the statement. “Oh? Are you a regular?”

“No quite,” he admitted, fingers grazing the rim of his cup. “I don’t frequent the Rukongai often. But even so, I feel as though I would have remembered someone like you.”

A small chuckle escaped you as you leaned against the counter, setting your tray aside. “You say that like I’m someone important.”

Aizen took a slow sip of his tea, savouring the warmth before placing his cup down. His eyes never left yours once. “Perhaps. Importance is a matter of perspective.”

You frowned at his words, as if trying to decipher the meaning behind them. There was something about him—unsettlingly enigmatic. His presence was commanding yet effortless, his gaze holding an intensity that made your skin prickle. He was unlike anyone you had met before, and yet, you had no reason to fear him.

“Are you a noble?” you asked, unable to suppress your curiosity, while taking in his simple garb. “Or maybe a merchant? You don’t seem like the kind to wander these parts without reason.”

His lips curled slightly at your statement. “No, nothing of the sort.”

“Then what do you do?”

“If I told you, it might change the way you see me.” He titled his head, watching you with a soft delight.

You huffed a small laugh, leaning away from the counter and placing a hand on your waist. “That sounds awfully suspicious.”

“Does it?”

“A little,” you admitted. “But I guess it doesn’t matter. You’re here now, and you seem…strange from most people who pass through.”

To Aizen’s astonishment, he found himself engaging—not manipulating, not strategising, but in something startlingly genuine. You did not know who he was. You had no need to fear him, no reason to treat him with the deference he had grown accustomed to in Seireitei. You spoke to him as an equal, unburdened by knowledge of his power or rank.

And perhaps that was why despite the sheer improbability of it all, he found himself drawn to you. 

At some point, you paused, turning toward him with a contemplative look. “You never told me you name.”

For a moment, he considered lying—giving you an alias, keeping a distance between the truth and the delicate illusion of this night. But then, he met your gaze and spoke.

“Aizen Sosuke.”

The name meant nothing to you. There was no flicker of recognition, no shift in demeanour. You simply smiled.

“Well, Aizen,” you warmly spoke, “it was nice talking to you. You should come by again sometime.”

He stared at you, his mind lingering on the invisible thread that connected you both. A thread that had led him here, to a moment that should not have existed in the grand scheme of his plans. And despite himself—despite everything—he found himself returning a smile.

“Perhaps I will.”

𝐓𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭: @edensrose @stygianoir @spellboundsuguru @cactimorada @cookielovesbook-akie @kennys-partner

©satsugacafé 2025: no permission to repost, plagiarise, copy or translate my work onto any other platform or this one.

[maiyz]

a pearl

yuji x reader | masterlist

01: nice binder goob

wc 0.8k

you arrived at jujutsu tech in early february, it gives you about 4 months to plan an assassination of sukunas vessel, a first year student named yuuji itadori.

your tactical boots specialized in traction and protection crunch the winter leaves below you. its just about 6am, you woke up early today.

you plan out the killing in your head. come to think about it 4 months is a lot isnt it? you typically like making it quick and simple, although you have little experience in actual killing people.

perhaps bidding your time would be the best option. jujutsu tech is filled with many powerful individuals who would most likely kill her if they knew her intentions. your biggest fear is the 10 shadows user, he appears to have the closest relationship to sukunas vessel.

at around 7am she arrived outside the classroom, where gojo sensei would be waiting to introduce her to the measly 3 first year students inside.

“everybody!” gojo shouts at a volume way too loud for 7 in the morning. “we have a new student! give her a round of applause!”

sukunas vessel and kugisaki clap lamely while fushiguro makes no attempt to indulge in gojos acts.

you enter the classroom and bow slightly before walking to the single empty desk. “thats yn zenin! which puts the first year class at 4 students! hooray!” gojo shouts.

you have no intention on talking to the other students, or anyone for that matter. while gojo talks about paired missions all you can do is fight the urge to fall asleep, maybe waking up early was a bad idea.

“ok! we have an even number of students sooo…! were gonna do paired missions! nobara and megumiii in one pair and ill supervise yuji and yn!”

is gojo ever quiet.

oh, me and sukunas vessel?

thats good. i could probably kill him easily. what about the veil though? i surely wouldnt be let out if gojo is supervising.

well its still good to figure out some information about sukunas vessel.

you enter the car driven by gojo, the mission you were assigned to is a grade 2 curse in an abandoned hospital about 45 minutes away. you stare out the window on to the dense forest near the road.

the car stops before gojo tells you and sukunas vessel to get out of the car. you stretch slightly when getting out due to sitting for too long before starting to walk to the mission site.

gojo lowers his veil trapping you and sukunas vessel, hopefully he doesnt like. kill you or smth.

you walk around looking for a 2nd grade curse, checking the patients rooms, waiting room, the roof. although you just cant put your finger on where it is.

while youre looking, sukunas vessel keeps blabbering on and on, to the point where youre starting to tune him out.

he taps your shoulder which throws you off guard, causing you to step back away from him quickly.

“just trying to ask a question” sukunas vessel says.

i thought he was gonna kill me. he couldve just now.

“what.”

“why did you become of a sorcerer?”

theres a brief silence before you say. “its none of your business”

“thats fine, you remind me of fushiguro in a way! youre both very grumpy you know?”

after about a couple minutes of fighting with the curse you end up surviving the mission relatively unharmed, sukunas vessel took most of your heavy hits for you.

you and sukunas vessel end up both going to ms leiri for her expertise in reverse cursed technique. not that you needed it, you just tagged along.

you tagged along because you had to. not because you wanted to.

you, the other 2 firsts years, and sukunas vessel get treated to. revolver sushi. or something similar to that. you expected this is be a gun shop or maybe the name of a brand, not a type of restaurant.

“what you and kugisaki never been to a revolving sushi place? you have to go its so cool! its for the experience!” (ita)

“they dont have those where i grew up. revolving sushi is cheap isnt it? lets go somewhere expensive since gojo sensei is paying” (kugi)

“but i want it! its not about how expensive it is, its about the experience!” (ita)

“you say that until you get food poisoning.” (kugi)

“you agree with me, right zenin!??” (ita)

you shake your head in disagreement.

“see i told you! zenin agreed, were gonna get steak!” (kugi)

“when did zenin agree to get steak” (fushi)

“shut your mouth.” (kugi)

extra!

lol im so stupid instead of ln i just use zenin frigg

can u tell dialogue is my least fav thing ever. ngl everything non smau is.mmmlol

my friend said i was the type to read ao3 and bl. i ask her hiw did she know what that meant and she was like. i have my sources. ok freak

i played volleyball and i hit it and it bounce onto my face or smth ow

my chromebook got power washed wuess by who. me. i did on accident my bad 💔✌️

took soso long for this I SPENT LJKE 2 weeks. next chapter in 6 weeks stay stuned

ok gn.

taglist! (0/50)

[lyrakanefanatic]

here is my unpopular take that may make some people mad but sorry!!

i do not like thea calligaris. i do not like lia zhang. i do not like the “femme iconic” characters that just make life harder for the main characters.

every time i read a book with characters like these i just cringe because no matter what, by the end of the series/book they are always forgiven by the mc and expected to be liked, when throughout the series they made the mc’s (or even some other side characters) life miserable.

and i see a lot of people say “oh, but men do the same thing and dont get blamed” when first of all says who?? i dont like a lot of book guys because, well, theyre dicks.

but also this depends. if the girl changes her ways like a quarter/a third through the series, and appears to genuinely be getting better, then thats different. but if she continues her ways because the author believes that thats “iconic”, then nope nada i cannot stand them

but i understand why authors write characters like these. they want to show the raw part of people that isnt always so perfect. but i CANNOT stand when those same female characters get called iconic when the only “iconic” thing they did was make the mc (or side characters) life harder.

AND ITS EVEN WORSE WHEN THEY HAVE TRAUMA!!! because then its like everything bad they did has to be automatically forgiven. i was bullied when i was younger, and one thing i commonly heard was “you dont know what their home lifes like”. i hate when people are expected to be okay with another persons actions just because they “may be going through something” irl, and i hate it just as much in books

obviously these character types are not just limited to girls, but i find that a lot of the time women are being portrayed this way in books and i just had to address this because ive literally never ever liked it and just wanted to state my opinion on here :))

[harmonii-hoshi]

Hey! To all Milgramers, can we NOT dehumanize Amane?

Spoilers for Trial 3 Milgram!

Like I get that Amane killed Shidou and stuff but like can we instead just UNDERSTAND her instead of blatantly painting her as a physcopath that doesnt care for anyone

I mean this LITERALLY cuz like you guys just have like the WORST takes ever. A bit of mischaracterizing is fine but like HOW DO YOU GET SO OFF POINT?????

CUZ NO, AMANE IS NOT A PHYSCOPATH WHO CARES FOR NO ONE. SHE IS A CHILD. YES, YOU HEARD ME. A CHILD.

NO, I AM NOT JUSTIFYING HER ACTIONS NOR AM I EXCUSING HER ACTIONS BECAUSE OF HER AGE BUT ITS THE FACT THAT SHE IS A CHILD WHOSE BRAIN IS STILL DEVELOPING THATS IMPORTANT. SHE ISNT AN ADULT WHO KNOWS WHATS RIGHT OR WRONG. SHE IS A CHILD WHO HAS GROWN UP IN A CULT AND USES THE SAID CULTS TEACHING AS A COPING MECHANISM!

She had issues with some of her cult teachings, so instead she REBRANDED the cult to make it more suitable for herself. JUST LIKE HOW SHE FOUND A LOOPHOLE IN HER CULTS PUNISHMENTS AND USED IT AS A WAY TO DEFEND HERSELF FROM HER ABUSER???

She SAW that Fuuta was in a LOT of pain (mentally and physically) and OFFERED him a solution as a way to lessen his suffering. The said solution (cult) helped her with her own struggles WHICH IS WHY SHE GOT FUUTA IN HER CULT. AMANE WANTS TO HELP FUUTA, NOT MAKE HIM WORSE.

Should I also mention that BECAUSE OF THE VERDICT OF THE FIRST TRIAL, Amane began to indulge MORE into her cults teaching AS A COPING MECHANISM since the cult is THE ONLY THING SHE KNOWS???

"Amane holds no remorse in killing Shidou!" Im sorry but do you need other people to point out EVERYTHING for you? EVEN IF IT WASN'T SHOWN DIRECTLY, IT WAS IMPLIED THAT SHE WANTED SOMEONE TO STOP HIM FROM HEALING OTHERS. SHE YELLED AT ES SAYING SHE GAVE THEM WARNINGS OVER AND OVER AGAIN. SHE WANTED SOMEONE TO STOP HER FROM DOING WHAT SHE WAS GONNA DO but she had to follow the cults teaching because she introcidricated to.

Amane isnt careless, she's just a child who is a victim of a cults teaching. She does things that were taught are right, not what she thinks are right.

Sorry for being really passive aggressive in this post. It just really infruriates me to see Amane so dehumanized and mischaracterized in the fandom. She is so well written, it makes me sad to see ppl treat her like something shes not.

We as milgramers should remember that the prisoners are all morally grey. Theyre not pure innocent nor are they purely evil, theyre human. Humans arent perfect, so is it really shocking when a character have flaws when they are supposed to represent actual human beings?

TLDR; Amane is NOT a careless physcopath. She is a child who uses her cult teachings as a coping mechanism.

[thesuncantreachyouhere]

i think you have misunderstood what i was saying. i was not lumping truscums in with TERFs, i was saying that this person in particular has combined truscum bullshit with TERF ideology to produce the rancid horseshit in said screenshot. they do not believe that transmascs as a whole are trans in the same way they are, they believe they are either women who want to transition out of oppression/become the oppressor or women who identify as trans to "fit in", which is usually aimed at nonbinary people who were AFAB (who they call theyfabs), and isnt that just the transtrender stereotype in a new coat of paint?

i agree that truscums/transmedicalists dont exist in the same way they did before, but i think that rhetoric evolved into what we're seeing today. i have literally seen people like OP claim that trans people who were AFAB are not trans, and that they should not use terms like "tranny" or "t4t" because transmascs apparently "have no history" and they are all just doing it because being trans is trendy or whatever

i was a trans guy in 2016, i remember watching kalvin garrah n seeing all those posts mocking feminine transmascs, and i remember feeling terrified that i wasn't really trans. its the same flavour of exclusionism imo and i think its important to remember how widely accepted it was in our community before we finally realized how fucked up it was

why is this phrased like being a trans man is a choice? why are they assuming that all trans men model themselves off of cis men and not other trans men? it is crazy to me that people have combined TERFism and truscum bullshit to come out with takes such as "trans men are gender traitors who transition because of their internalized misogyny and to escape oppression". i used to follow this sad sack of shit before they drank the TRF koolaid, but once somebody decides trans men are exactly the same as cis men while also being guilty of the sin of "choosing" to be a man, there is no coming back

[nthspecialll]

All the people who died along the way, who do you think they would have sided with in the end?

If the gang still SOMEHOW got to the same point by the end of the game, I think Hosea would have ultimately sided with Arthur in some way. I think maybe he may have left tbh, but if he didnt, I think he would have sided with Arthur. In a perfect world, he would have stopped it from ever getting to the point it did, but yknow.

I think Sean would have left or sided with Arthur as well. He was kinda a free spirit and I dont think he would have stuck around for long, maybe leaving when Pearson and all the others did.

Lenny is tough. He was loyal to Dutch, no doubt, but he was also smart, I havent really come up with an answer for him so Id love to hear what you think!

Molly is also a bit tough. Im torn between her leaving or her trying to convince Dutch not to aim his gun at Arthur/trying to convince Dutch that John and Arthur arent disloyal.

I think Kieran would have fought for Arthur. He saved Arthur’s life and Arthur saved his, and he knew that if he ran away, he would likely just be picked up by the O’Driscoll’s and killed anyways. Kieran was ready to risk his life for the gang when Milton came to camp at Clemen’s Point, and I think he would have done the same for Arthur at the end. Plus, (to my knowledge) there isnt much interaction between Dutch and Kieran after chapter 2, so I feel like Kieran doesn’t feel as much “loyalty” to Dutch as he does Arthur.

Would love to hear what you think! :D

I think the majority of the people who died would have supported Arthur, that is the tragety of it. Everyone who could have stood by his side ended up in the grave.

I don't think Hosea would have left as long as he feels there is someone in the cross fire. As long as Abigail, Arthur, John, Tilly and Susan are still around, so is he. If it was just Dutch, Javier, Bill, Micah, Joe and Cleet then maybe we can start talking about Hosea leaving, but I still think he feels responsible for Dutch.

I agree with Sean. He wants to help Arthur, but he is smart, he knows it will do no good, and he is also able to handle himself.

Lenny is loyal to Dutch, true, but he also very cautous of him and he openly critizeses him already in chapter 3. Not to mention he is far closer to Hosea than Dutch, if Hosea says Dutch is wrong then Lenny agrees.

Molly canonly leaves, she is not sticking around to the stand off, she leaves very canonly. And if she stuck around, I don't think she would have any loyality to either, i think she would run as soon as anything happened.

And yes, Kieran's loyality is with Arthur, absolutely.

[vonbabbitt]

What are the upsides to leaving yourself open like this to the community (answering questions, etc) and the downsides? Which do you find outweighs the other?

this is a really insightful question anon!!

i think there are definitely upsides and downsides and i definitely dont think leaving yourself open to the community is the best approach for everyone. heres what i could think of off the top of my head

upsides

im really grateful to have a community that does things like make fanart and write fanfic and make music. you guys contribute so much to the tetro fandom that i want to be able to return that respect to you in whatever way i can, and i feel like completely cutting myself off from the people who make fandom content feels ungrateful for what theyve given me! my word does carry some degree of weight within the tetro fandom specifically (since i made tetro) so if people get excited at seeing me respond to their art or their prompts then i wanna be able to give them that feeling in return for contributing

you guys have some really insightful things to say about tetro sometimes and i enjoy seeing how you interpret and process my writing, it gives me some thoughts on how i want to write in the future, what i did well and what i may be doing poorly

im a bit of a social person and i like to chat with you guys! its nice to feel like i have a place where i can share random thoughts with you guys and get conversational responses - i like connection!

i feel like some of the things i have to say can be helpful for people trying to go down a similar path to myself - by no means am i some beacon of writing or fangans or anything but if people like what i make and want to make something similar or have questions about the fangan community/creation process, i do feel like i have enough authority on the subject to advise accordingly!

downsides

the hate. theres not a ton of it, but when it does come up, its hurtful and stressful. im kind of hard on myself by nature so i really take that stuff to heart and can end up sitting on it for a while which isnt great for my general mental health

not every critique is something i need to see. again, im no beacon of writing, but sometimes people send me criticisms that are just blatantly incorrect or total misinterpretations of my work. im admittedly sensitive and seeing those critiques, even when i know theyre wrong, stresses me out. it makes me wanna jump in and be like "no!! its not like that!!! its like x!!" but i know i cant do that

scrutiny. once you go public with your presence as a creator, you are under constant scrutiny. people discuss you, everything you say and everything you do. it makes me nervous about saying or doing anything at all in tetro spaces, because i know its going to be picked apart and read into.

parasocialism. this one is the most uncomfortable of the downsides. people who try hard to become my friend not because of anything about me personally, but because i made tetro. people who think they understand me personally based solely on my online presence. ive had many many many people step over the boundaries of creator and fan throughout my time in tetro. it makes me really uncomfortable when people claim to know what im thinking or claim to understand me on this super deep level thats just disingenuous when theyve never even had a one-on-one conversation with me

honestly theres quite a few upsides and downsides. as strange as it might sound, my general advice to most fangan creators would be not to be so acccessible. the fangan community, for all the fun it houses and all the amazing creativity it produces, can be incredibly mean and often holds inexperienced creators to insane standards. i do feel like im held to an unfair standard in the fangan community - this is my first public project and im frequently insulted for not being on par with TV shows or AAA productions or things made by entire massive teams with budgets. i feel like in most other spaces, theres a certain expectation that people are just having fun and making content because they enjoy it, so im not sure why the opposite seems so prevalent for the fangan community

regardless, i do like being accessible, and i love my community, and i think the way i do things works for me. ive been learning when to pull back and how to process both valid critique and unnecessary cruelty. if you want to have a public presence, you have to learn the skills required to be accessible without being miserable. i think this is hard for a lot of people, so generally, i recommend keeping a low profile, but thats just the opinion of one random babbitt i suppose

[bluephoenixprincess]

Courting Tournament: Spicynoodles edition~<3

and now to outline for you all here, the premise of a Courting Tournament fic i plan on Actually Writing.

So, its post Season 5, and for the moment at least, MKs hero life has slipped back into the comfortable rhythm of jobber demons causing trouble and MK stopping them, as many weak or low level demons get emboldened by the powerboost from the Pillar Stones.

But then things start getting weird. Slowly but surely the Various Demon attackers get less and less focused on whatever Mayhem or theivery or whatever they were up to and start focusing more and more on MK himself. Not in a "defeat you for glory way" either, in a much more uncomfortable way.

And if that werent bad enough, MK finds himself slipping into his Monkey form more and more often, thankfully without emotional distress or uncontrollable power outbursts, but it just keeps happening and MK still isnt very used to the form to begin with.

Mk being Mk of course tries to hide slash ignore these issues until he cant anymore. Culminating in a fight with a stronger than average demon who get MK on the back foot for a hot second and starts saying some very uncomfortable things about how he cant wait to take MK home and make him his little wife/husband/mate.

MK hearing that immediately goes monkey mode, puts that guy through several walls, and flies off to FFM to find out what the hell is going on.

And Like, MK knows about courtnapping, the basics at least, that demon tradition considers whisking away prospective mates and showing them how well you can protect them and provide for them the height of romance. A little weird but hey, humans have had some weird romance traditions as well.

But the realization that all the demons he's been fighting want to courtnap HIM? combined with the weird stuff going on with his monkey form? MK cant deal with this.

By the time he gets to Wukongs house he's crying and stuck in his monkey form with no idea what to do about everything. Wukong immediately bundles his successor onto the couch and, after a glass of water and some comforting fur grooming, manages to get out of him whats wrong.

Needless to say Wukong is Concerned and a bit miffed that MK didnt tell him or anyone else what was going on. But concern and caring for his crying student whos clearly stressed the fuck out now, lecturing later.

With his eyes of truth and maybe a magic test of some sort, Wukong discerns the cause of all the nonsense.

MKs body has Reached the demonic state of full maturity, which most notably includes the core of his magic fully maturing. Because of this, not only is he more or less stuck in Monkey form for awhile, but every demon for miles around can feel vibrant energy coming off him in waves.

And they want a peice of that.

So, Regardless of how widespread the knowledge of Sun Wukongs successor (and basically heir) was before, its spread to all corners of demon scociety now. And just like his mentor before him poor MK is getting swarmed.

MK is understandably upset by these revelations and may or may not start hyperventilating while trying to play it off and insist he can totally handle it. Wukong decides to call in the rest of the Monkie Kid Crew to come up with a plan.of action. Cause while MK could probably handle most of his suitors, he shouldnt have to.

Some explaining, arguing and tea brewing later the whole crew is gathered in Wukongs house, Mk cuddled up between Mei and Tang.

Options are gone through and discarded, letting MK just deal with them as they come is out. Wukong offers MK to stay on Flower Fruit mountain till the suitors get the hint and leave him be since thats what he ultimately did, but when asked how long that could take Wukong makes an uncomfortable noise and avoids eyecontact as he remembers it took over a century. So... no.

Eventually Wukong Sighs and brings up a solution he knows can deal with these types of situations, at least for awhile, If they Hold a Courting Tournament for MK, they can deal with all of his suitors at once and turn what could be months of headache into a couple weeks at most.

Theres a lot of yelling and explaining, and Wukong ultimately puts the decision in MKs hands. Mk thinks long an hard but ultimately decides a couple weeks/few days of being a spectacle is preferable to who knows how long of being harrassed.

"*sigh* Lets do the tournament thing"

~●~●~●~●~●~●~●~

So wheres Red Son in all this? At some big fancy Demon gala/festival thing with his parents, bored out of his mind and surrounded by people he mostly dislikes. As is typical for such gatherings.

He and his parents are there to shmooze, make alliances and work on properly reestablishing the Demon Bull Families influence in Demon high society.

Redson, after having one to many snide comments made his way about his families repeated defeats at the hands of Wukongs successor, is hiding in a corner sipping a drink waiting for the night to be over.

And definitely not thinking about how much he'd rather be hanging out with the Dragon Girl and Noodle Boy, especially Noodle boy.

Until the host of the event calls the whole rooms attention to make a big announcement. That theyve just recieved a messenger from Flower Fruit Mountain. The mere mention sends a stir through the crowd, the Monkey kinds been basically a reculse for the last several centuries so him sending out a message is big.

And it is big. As the announcement, to this gathering and all of the three realms, is that Wukong and company will be holding a Courting Tournament, no not for the Monkey king again, but for his Successor.

Red Son Drops his glass and cant even begin to care when it shatters on the floor.

~○~▪︎~○~▪︎~○~

Back with Monkie Kid Gang plans are being made.

Mei all but insists on being MKs Champion. And While MK is worried she might get hurt, Wukong swears to him that he as host will enforce Strict Rules to prevent such things.

Thus, the stage is set. I'll come back to this, but since i plan to write this as a full fic, i dont want yo spoil too much.

[forestdeath1]

Well i wanted to make a post, but then I saw this addition, so here we go. Not to argue!

I can see Sirius as a sub, but with James, and the one I can’t see as submissive is actually James. I mean I kinda get your points and I thought the same, but when I put them in context, I was like “oh wow, ok guys…”. That was unexpected haha

Even though I’m always like “being a dom/sub doesn’t correlate with your character” (tho it kinda does, just not in the “if someone is dominant and assertive irl, they must be a dom in bed” way), I was still drawn to that idea of Sirius being a dom BECAUSE I see him as way more independent and therefore, more dominant in relationships than any of them. Even though we all know real cases of people being more on the dom side irl (ew that sounds weird haha) but loving to be dominated in bed, I was still like “NOOOO WAY! Sirius is a dom. And a top”. But then I changed my mind when I put the characters in context.

My main points are:

1)I’m not going to extrapolate this onto a 24/7 d/s dynamic. I just can’t see that working for any of them. If someone wants to do that with them, I’m not judging at all!!!!! You do you. But I just don’t see Sirius wanting a lifestyle dynamic in any form, so I can’t see Sirius either being on a leash or putting one on someone outside of a short scene

2) I genuinely don’t think they’d be that bdsm-ish in general. Tbh I see all of them as more on the vanilla side than on the power exchange side. (I kinda have my own perspective on “vanilla”, def not in an offensive way, to me everything without power exchange leans towards “vanilla”).

3) And that’s where everything else comes from:

Sirius is super independent, almost to an extreme, and kinda assertive — but not exactly dominant in the sense of taking control in people’s lives — he actually deeply respects others freedom of choice and autonomy. BUT at the same that’s exactly what makes him come across as dominant. Yet deep down, as Ive always said, he has this insecurity, this feeling of not being enough, of not being worthy of love. He doesn’t really care what people think about him, but when he loves someone, he (esp in tough moments) always feels like he’s not enough and needs to be useful to be loved.

I think it’s easier for him to be a dom and a top with people he doesn’t have strong feelings for. At the very least, he knows a lot of people expect a good dom and a good top (tbh I don’t think he’d be all that kinky on his own). He understands what people want and he can be a good dom.

And I can totally see him in that service “top” position with Bella. I see Bella as a dom with strong submissive kinks (dominant “bottom” and dom masochist) but she can’t and doesn’t want to give up control.

At the same time, I just can’t see him as a sub with just anyone. He simply can’t let himself go. He barely trusts anyone completely. Truly giving up control for people like him isnt just about kink — it’s also about having that immense trust in their dom and the deepest respect for them.

But James? Completely different story. James feels a little rigid in how he sees things. And even though I think he’d be more easygoing and even a little “submissive” in a relationship (he wouldn’t mind, even enjoy it), I can absolutely see him taking control in bed. Maybe not right away, but that’s his thing and he’s good at it. He enjoys it , especially seeing someone he deeply respects, someone who doesn’t submit to anyone, actually submit to him. And Sirius? Maybe he’d get off on discovering that feeling of submission with James

So yeah, I don’t see this as some core part of Sirius or something he always knew about himself. More like something that could develop over time or something the right dom could bring out in him

Once again — I’m not here to judge anyone’s headcanons, and I see the reasoning behind the “100% dom/100% sub” Sirius takes, I’m just sharing my perspective on him. More vanilla in general, a top and dom with everyone, a service top w Bella and a bottom sub w James

sorry but i don't see sirius as being submissive in bed. we will have to politely agree to disagree. he's not the obedient dog. do not put a collar on that dog. bc even if he were being submissive ~sexily~ (which i doubt he would), his partner would be like, 'ok if i'm the dom here, why does it still feel like he's telling me exactly what to do?'

[tomnylover]

hey guys!!! i posted a bit of my fic “Ill be watching you” yesterday and i just thought id post the next bit

hope you enjoy!!

As the years went on, James started to stray from his unholy thoughts about the younger boy, and began focusing on a red haired girl, Lily Evans.

Lily was everything regulus wasnt, a wonderful girl with a heart of gold. She was smart, everything anyone had ever expected from their starboy. So James ran with it; but the problem was that lily didnt want him.

“Lily will you be my valentine?”

“Potter how many times do i have to say no for you to understand my boundaries and leave me alone?”

“You know how long ive wanted you, wont you just please give me a chance?”

“No potter. You are incredibly selfish and i do not want to have to subject myself to your ego. Thats my final decision, please respect it”

James scoffed as he turned away from the angry girl- ‘he wasnt really into her anyway’ he told himself, but as the nights grew lonelier and his heart grew colder, Regulus was starting to be ithe subject of James’ eyeline again.

He was always there, and James tried to talk to him, but Sirius had been clear on the marauders rules.

“Rule 26: Under no circumstances will you communicate with a member from my ex family”

All the marauders agreed to sirius’ list of ridiculous rules - his “boy code” as muggles would say. Really, none of the gryffindors had any reason to speak to the blacks- the blacks wouldnt deem them worthy of a simple conversation.

As James left the great hall, he wandered around the castle, searching for a tranquil nook to sit in, and so he subconsciously ended up on his way to the astronomy tower.

He clicked open the door and felt the light breeze on his face feeling grateful for the castles many quirks.He knew about the room of requirement too, but only because they had used it to conceal their Animagi potions, but ever since, James hadn’t been able to conjure up the need for it. Not yet at least.

A figure sitting dangerously on the ledge caught his eye in an instant; was that really Regulus Black? It was fate really, James thought to himself. Everything brought him back to the slytherin, however hard he tried to get rid of his unfaithful thoughts, he just couldnt. Regulus wasn’t convenient to James, but he loved him either way. Well he thought it was love, he hadn’t had much experience with romance, he was always too busy for anybody.

James didnt know if it was love- to him, the younger Black was perfect in all aspects: smart, funny? cunning, and beautiful.

It was impossible not to like him, Regulus was perfect. Everything about him, from his neatly styled hair or his cold eyes that never warmed up. The way he walked and talked and laughed with his friends. Oh how James desperately wanted to be the one to make him laugh, to make him cry tears of joy.

“Sirius. Just think of Sirius”, James mumbled to himself, yet his affirmations had no affect on his unknown feelings for the boy. Sirius was always James’ but his heart was so big, why couldn’t he just have both Blacks?

Suddenly, Regulus turned around and registered that James was there as well, invading his space and making him slightly uncomfortable. Their eyes locked and James was finally able to see his pearly eyes in the moonlight, they shone bright and glistened with James’ reflection.

“Your beautiful in this light” James took the risk, and hopefully he would be rewarded for it this time.

Regulus’ heart skipped a beat, no way in all heavens and hells that James Potter just called him beautiful? But thats what he did isn’t it, passed out compliments as if it were the simplest action in the world.

“Is that what you tell Evans? Ironic isnt it Potter”

“No- I just wanted to tell you what i thought” He knew he had messed it up. He spoke too soon and ruined whatever they could’ve had before it even started.

“Well if thats the case then i appreciate it. You also have-“ he paused to think. James’ everything was beautiful, out of this world, but he would never admit that out loud. “-Nice hair” Regulus grimaced, as if it physically pained him to say.

“Thanks. Anyway what are you doing up here so late? I thought the younger years had curfew at 10?”

“Just stargazing, look you can see Regulus tonight, its the brightest star this time of year” He spoke with enthusiasm, as if the stars were his world, and as if the sun stole their spotlight far too often, yet James was the sun.

James was so bright and lovely, the sun shone though the gaps in his teeth and the pupils of his eyes. He was the sun incarnate, yet he still let Regulus shine in the dark.

And thats what he would do- let his crush on Regulus shine in the dark, but he would hide it during the day. He didn’t have to, he knew all his friends were accepting, particularly of Sirius and Remus’ pending relationship.

“Thats wonderful” James whispered in awe as he knelt beside the Slytherin. He took a shaky breath in, and his nose filled with Regulus’ scent; Mint and parchment paper. A faint smell of smoke, smoke that felt like home. So thats what James smelt in his amortentia earlier in the week.

hope u had as much fun reading as i did writing- love u all -tomny armstrongs biggest fan xoxo

if u guys have any plot ideas lmk!!!!

[discodummy]

I'm gonna rant about my body image issues and dysmorphia for a second so watch out. I'll put it under a read more if i can figure out how

slay i think i did it. anyway, going to the gym as much as i have and getting into shape and stuff has been lovely, dont get me wrong, but it also makes some things very strange for me. Like, I was raised by a an who had a manual job and was a bodybuilder in his 20's. My perspective of what a "dad bod" was was SO skewed by my dad that i though it meant a buff guy who puffs his chest out when he stands stil to look bigger. My older brother (by three years) was chubby in middle school and then did swimming and lacrosse and had an insane dorito shaped body by 17 and still has it now. I was 6'3 when i started high school and i looked like a lollipop: just a big head on a tiny body. And i stayed that way all through high school. I assumed that getting beefy and filling out like my dad and brother did just want going to happen for me. I spent all of my early and mid 20's weighing like 145 (150 on a good day) and having to buy 28x34's for pants and medium shirts. The pandemic happened and i started working from home and after a few years i was about 210 or so. I stayed around that weight for bit and assumed it was my adult weight and what my body liked and spent over a year coming to terms with it. wel NOW after going to the gym and eating better for the last 10 months, im down to a toned 180 and im all sorts of jumbled up. I hit my shoulders on doorframes bc even though i measured and know my shoulders got at least 4 inches broader, i still dont believe it or feel it. My mediums got too tight, and my XL's from being 210 fit my shoulders and chest but hang off of me. Like im surrounded by evidence of the shape my body is in now, and i can see in the mirror how i look, i just dont think its clicking for me. I'm right about 6'4 and until the last year or so i wouold just say i was "medium tall" bc i didnt think i was TALL tall, just tallER. Like thats how deep this weird disconnect from the objective truths of my body goes. And now im at the point where people compliment my arms or chest or butt or something and i cant shake the nagging feeling that its just flattery and they dont mean it and isnt true. Someone said my arms were big and i was like "i mean theyre long, but i wouldnt say big" and it took me seeing several people with smaller arms over the course of a while for me to be like "oh yeah i guess so". Like, i always felt like the most average and unremarkable of my family and thats SUPER bleeding into things now. Maybe i dont think i can be extraordinary or above average or something?? All i know is im CLEARLY not seeing what everyone else is, and poeple are getting frustrated with me about it and taking it as me being fake-humble or just plain oblivious. And i feel insane talking about it bc one of my friends says it makes him feel awful to see someone who "looks like me" doubt myself so much, because that means that HE must be so much worse then. I also know that a 6'4 in shape white guy having body image issues isnt exactly the easiest thing to sympathize or empathize with, but it sucks that I feel like i cant really talk about it with anyone bc it just gets too personally hard for anyone to go in depth about. Its like my issues are too triggering for others and i just need to get a grip or something. IDK, i just needed to vent about this bc i dont know what else to do. if you read all of this, let me know what you think or something lol

[honeytonedhottie]

hi honey! i have this really bad problem and i need advice so i have this friend that im like superrr jealous of because i feel like shes everything that im not or i can’t be and its eating me alive because i feel like im a bad friend and i have no self confidence at all

i wish i could be more like her but i feel like i shouldn’t be thinking that way and focus on what i am good at but like i feel like no matter what i do im always being 1 uped and i feel so stuck and i dont know what to do 💛

hey anonie! the reason why u feel jealous is—and you've already said this—is the lack of self confidence! and since u know the problem we can fix it and grow your confidence! 🫶🏽🎀

🪞 water your own grass - the grass isnt always greener on the other side! and u need to be more focused on ur grass. when you see something that makes you jealous, instead of accepting it as jealousy, channel it into INSPIRATION ✨ and focus on watering your own grass and tending to yourself.

🪞building yourself up - what about her makes you jealous? jealousy usually happens when you see something in others that shines light on an area that you feel you're lacking in. build yourself in those aspects.

🪞 love yourself that much harderrr - first off, the fact that you can even recognize a problem like this and want to change says a lot about your heart and your character. tell yourself that you love yourself, compliment yourself and romanticize yourself, and start your self love/confidence journey if you haven't already (i have lots of posts about that)

[crxzytogether]

Something that gives me a lot of confidence is how defensive milvens are. Like the way they talk, things they say, the way that more often than not it’s them coming over here to attack us, it really shows me how scared they are. They would not care as much if they truly thought there was 0 possibility of byler. Even the ones, especially the ones that say they believe that there’s no way byler could happen, there’s a small part of them that does believe it could happen. Because why else do you feel the need to broadcast your hate towards byler and tell us we’re stupid and delusional? Like that is not gonna affect us💀 grow up. And notice how hardcore jancy/stancy shippers don’t give ronance/steddie/stonathan shippers any shit for their ship? Yeah that’s because they know it won’t happen and it’s not hurting them that people like these pairings. The milvens on the other hand… Also idk about everyone else but my hatred for milven isn’t solely related to my want for byler to happen, like even if I didn’t ship byler I still wouldnt think milven would be endgame or a healthy relationship worth rooting for but yk for a lot of milvens their hate towards byler is almost entirely motivated by their want for milven. Like they have to tear down everything that we say to lift their ship up- idk but if your ship can’t stand for itself I’d be worried… but that’s just me

Like i don’t need to tear down milven to make a solid case for byler. I could but I don’t need to because the show supports byler. Meanwhile the show doesn’t support milven- not anymore… I’m not sure if it ever did, even in the beginning, while it was kinda cute but when you really think about it it was really weird😭 like el: fresh out of a lab and doesn’t even know how to know what she likes 🤝 mike: little kid with not the best rep for love and everyone expecting him to start something with el bc he took initiative to take care of her just like benny and just like hopper

anyways it kinda makes me laugh how defensive they get for their ship- like calm down- killing will isnt gonna solve any of mike and els problems(bc keep in mind all of their problems are between them) if anything it’ll make the problems worse bc will’s the one that spent the last season fixing their broken house

[qoldenskies]

Thinking about Mind Meld and how Donnie was so confused about being burned by Raph

“Yes! Sick burn, Raph! Wait… you burned me. What’s going on here?”

Just like- being made fun of by Leo? Just another day? By Mikey? Unusual but also classic annoying younger brother behavior. But by his Raphie? Unheard of

If he couldn’t even comprehend Raph making fun of him how could he ever even imagine his big brother outright ignoring his begging and sobbing or hitting the door while yelling at him to shut up. How could he anticipate him chasing him down with the intent to kill

It’s unfathomable, unthinkable, and it happened

CC BRAINS AND BRAWN MY BELOVED AHHHHHHHHH

NGLLLL mind meld is one of my least favorite rise episodes, i really just do not vibe with it, but i do think its a very important one for donnie's character and also its probably the best canonical evidence for everything in caged lungs making sense. like even when he KNEW their minds were altered (by his doing no less lmao) he still reacted with so much dejection like a kicked puppy. i dont go to rewatch it a lot because i dont like it but CL incidentally ended up taking a lot of elements from it i suppose ,,,,, its like kid-friendly CL lmfaooo

anyways cc brains and brawn makes me absolutely deranged like chewing on drywall deranged because of how unexpected everything is for both of them. how both of them see their relationship torn apart by something they were both utterly helpless to, and every moment in cw they spend apart they yearn for each other. its more noticeable in raph's side (chapter 7 especially) because donnie has to intentionally shut out his thoughts of raph because he's a walking trigger, but its pretty apparent in his behavior just how much he always, always wanted raph there.

like they just missed each other so much :(

(ugghh something about this being the first time that donnie in his right mind calls for raphie, and this time raph gets to tell him what he always dreamed of wanting to under the curse-- dreamed about doing in retrospect. he wonders a lot if he could have, had he just had more strength. something about how in CL when he shut him down and hurt him he saw doing this as being strong enough to, and now that the curse is broken he thinks the fact that he hurt him was horribly weak, that he should have fought.)

and for both of them i think its made worse knowing there's something a little self-destructive about it. how raph yearns to be the kind of pseudo father figure he was for donnie before, even though being that kind of person for his brothers was exhausting and stressful and he was actively crumbling under that pressure-- while donnie wants to be useful to raph, he wants to work ceaselessly so raph can be proud of him, even though that was the exact kind of thing that nearly killed him-- the fact that even when raph despised him, was willing to kill him, donnie was willing to grovel anyway because he felt that somehow he could do something to make him proud, to be worth it to him.

both of them have a tendency to look down upon their past, pre-CL selves for being "ignorant", but i also think that they see it as this kind of idyllic, unblemished time of their lives where there wasn't any fear or caution or tension, and they could play these parts without having to worry about anything like this. which isnt true, they argued all the time and their roles were actively harmful to them, but what they have now is painful that they cant help but idealize that more than a little.

it huuurts that even healed there's this unbearable tension to their relationship because its so hard to have fun one on one now :( its just really hard for both of them to try and break that barrier, especially because they're so cautious around each other. they usually need mikey and leo to facilitate. maybe one day they'll just get to fuck around and be dumb together again </3 they deserve it