#ironically i think raph only getting to spend time with donnie by taking care of him makes him more fatherly than ever before

[qoldenskies]

Thinking about Mind Meld and how Donnie was so confused about being burned by Raph

“Yes! Sick burn, Raph! Wait… you burned me. What’s going on here?”

Just like- being made fun of by Leo? Just another day? By Mikey? Unusual but also classic annoying younger brother behavior. But by his Raphie? Unheard of

If he couldn’t even comprehend Raph making fun of him how could he ever even imagine his big brother outright ignoring his begging and sobbing or hitting the door while yelling at him to shut up. How could he anticipate him chasing him down with the intent to kill

It’s unfathomable, unthinkable, and it happened

CC BRAINS AND BRAWN MY BELOVED AHHHHHHHHH

NGLLLL mind meld is one of my least favorite rise episodes, i really just do not vibe with it, but i do think its a very important one for donnie's character and also its probably the best canonical evidence for everything in caged lungs making sense. like even when he KNEW their minds were altered (by his doing no less lmao) he still reacted with so much dejection like a kicked puppy. i dont go to rewatch it a lot because i dont like it but CL incidentally ended up taking a lot of elements from it i suppose ,,,,, its like kid-friendly CL lmfaooo

anyways cc brains and brawn makes me absolutely deranged like chewing on drywall deranged because of how unexpected everything is for both of them. how both of them see their relationship torn apart by something they were both utterly helpless to, and every moment in cw they spend apart they yearn for each other. its more noticeable in raph's side (chapter 7 especially) because donnie has to intentionally shut out his thoughts of raph because he's a walking trigger, but its pretty apparent in his behavior just how much he always, always wanted raph there.

like they just missed each other so much :(

(ugghh something about this being the first time that donnie in his right mind calls for raphie, and this time raph gets to tell him what he always dreamed of wanting to under the curse-- dreamed about doing in retrospect. he wonders a lot if he could have, had he just had more strength. something about how in CL when he shut him down and hurt him he saw doing this as being strong enough to, and now that the curse is broken he thinks the fact that he hurt him was horribly weak, that he should have fought.)

and for both of them i think its made worse knowing there's something a little self-destructive about it. how raph yearns to be the kind of pseudo father figure he was for donnie before, even though being that kind of person for his brothers was exhausting and stressful and he was actively crumbling under that pressure-- while donnie wants to be useful to raph, he wants to work ceaselessly so raph can be proud of him, even though that was the exact kind of thing that nearly killed him-- the fact that even when raph despised him, was willing to kill him, donnie was willing to grovel anyway because he felt that somehow he could do something to make him proud, to be worth it to him.

both of them have a tendency to look down upon their past, pre-CL selves for being "ignorant", but i also think that they see it as this kind of idyllic, unblemished time of their lives where there wasn't any fear or caution or tension, and they could play these parts without having to worry about anything like this. which isnt true, they argued all the time and their roles were actively harmful to them, but what they have now is painful that they cant help but idealize that more than a little.

it huuurts that even healed there's this unbearable tension to their relationship because its so hard to have fun one on one now :( its just really hard for both of them to try and break that barrier, especially because they're so cautious around each other. they usually need mikey and leo to facilitate. maybe one day they'll just get to fuck around and be dumb together again </3 they deserve it

[tmnt-imagines]

What could go wrong: Donnie x Reader

WARNING: MILD SWEARING

Requested by: Anonymous

Could u write something about Donnie having an online girl friend for a relatively long time (like long enough to know he's a turtle and Skype him & they've met up b4 and stuff) but she's nervous-scared to meet the rest of his family?

A/N: Sorry it took so long, hope you like it :)

“So, do you guys wear the bandannas all of the time? Or is it like a ‘weekday only’ thing?” You laughed, watching Donatello’s face on the screen distort into a lopsided smile. 

“Ha ha ha.” He said flatly, though clearly amused by your attempt at a joke. 

You two had been in a sort of relationship for nearing 6 months; you’d met in an online gaming server, he’d complimented your skills, or something, after you’d defeated a boss together, and you’d made a comment about how much you’d love to be able to fight like that out of the game; upon hearing of Donnie’s ninja training you hardly stopped talking to him all night, and your love spawned from there. About a few months into the relationship you’d proposed skyping, which at first Donatello had been scared and nervous about, but once the whole turtle thing came out, the pair of you could hardly go a couple of hours without talking via cameras. He wasn’t as self conscious today as he had been at the start, he was aware of his green complexion and disfigured features, and how unattractive he probably was, but after weeks of you convincing him that you thought he was adorable just the way he was, and you loved him despite appearances, he had become far more relaxed in your company. 

Today was like any other, you’d woken up and barely half an hour later you’d grabbed your laptop and begun talking to Donnie. He told you about the patrol he went on last night, and how boring it was to have to listen to Mikey talk about his new video game that he’d completed, and you told him about how seriously uneventful work had been yesterday. You were peacefully content, until Donatello had to spring this on you. 

“Would you - uh - maybe want to - ya know - um - come to the lair - maybe - sometime.” He stumbled over his words like an obstacle course, and began fiddling with his fingers rather than looking at your face on his monitor. He always did this when he was nervous and trying to avoid hearing your answer to whatever innocent question he’d posed, and on most occasions you’d think it was utterly cute, but this was different, and you weren’t entirely sure how to go about replying to it. 

“To, like, meet your brothers?” You inquired slowly, beginning to become a bit nervous. You loved Donnie with all your heart, even if you’d only met him in person a handful of times, and you would do anything for him; but this, this was serious relationship stuff. You weren’t sure you were ready for that.

“Yeah, exactly!” Donatello finally looked up at the screen, with a hopeful smile. Only, he must have sensed your unease as that smile soon fell to a frown. “What’s wrong? Don’t - don’t you want to?” 

“No! No, it’s not that at all! It’s just - they’re your family, and I - I don’t want them to not like me, or something.” You mumbled, feeling stupid saying it aloud. It wasn’t that you didn’t want to meet the other turtles, all of them sounded brilliant and hilarious, and you were sure nothing would go wrong, but your anxiety of wanting to make a good impression, so that they’d approve of Donnie being with you, made you unsure of meeting them. 

“How could anyone not like you?” Donatello beamed, seemingly relieved that you hadn’t completely rejected the idea like he’d been afraid of. “Honestly sweetheart, there is nothing to worry about. They’ll love you!” 

Why the hell had you agreed to this? You were standing in the sewers, like a complete idiot, fiddling with the sleeves of your jumper and trying to think of any excuse to not have to walk into the lair. Donnie had taken you here once while the others had been out on patrol, or getting pizza with April, and admittedly you loved it. It was such a cool place, even if it was in the sewers, and you would have loved to spend more time here with Donnie if it weren’t for his family. You wanted to make a good impression, and you feared they may not like you - some random human girl Donnie had brought into their lives. What if they thought you would divulge their secret? What if they thought you were too big of a risk? What if they just didn’t like you?

It was all eating away at your stomach, and you became incredibly aware that they were only a few feet away, probably about ready to tell Donnie to break things off between you. If it hadn’t been for Donatello, you probably would have pegged it by now. But he wanted this - he wanted you to meet his family, and be a part of his world, and you wanted to make him happy. And if that meant facing his brothers, and his dad, then you would have to face them sooner or later. 

The lair was spectacular, all bright lights and random knickknacks, which the 4 turtles had accumulated in their years of living down here - it was like something out of a movie. The sound of rattling chains and thumping echoed from above, and you could vaguely recall Donnie mentioning that Raphael is always beating up his boxing bag, if he’s got nothing else to do; so you put the noises down to that being the red clad turtle in the makeshift gym upstairs. You could also hear faint voices, which sounded like it could be the other two brothers arguing over the TV: “but I wanna watch-” “-I don’t care what you wanna watch, Mikey, give me the remote!” The sounded like typical brotherly banter, and you almost smiled thinking about what a close family they seemed to be, even in the midst of a petty argument. 

You stepped forward to find you’d been right, sat on the couch were two of Donnie’s brothers - or rather the blue clad turtle, Leonardo, was sat on the couch and the orange one, Michelangelo, was scrambling around whilst being held under one of Leo’s arms. You laughed aloud at them, and watched both of their blue eyes spring to you, and suddenly the laughing stopped. 

“You must be Y/N!” Mikey sprung from his brother’s capture, and ran over to greet you. He was almost 6 foot tall, and given your short height you had to look up to meet his gaze, “the names Michelangelo - but you can call me Mikey.” He winked with a cheesy grin, and you laughed again. 

“Or you can call him an idiot and ignore him like the rest of us.” Leonardo smirked, and came to stand beside his younger brother. He shoved him out of the way, and looked down at you with a warm smile. “Leo.” 

“It’s nice to meet you,” You smile politely, feeling like there is an earthquake taking place in your stomach under the scrutiny of their eyes. Where the bloody hell is Donnie?

“Finally. Donnie’s kept you away long enough,” Sounded the voice of the third brother, Raphael, as he jumped down from a nearby ledge, which led to his gym area.

“That’s Raph - I ignore him too,” Leonardo whispered to you, now standing at your side and watching as the red clad turtle came over as well. 

“Ironic - your the leader yet none of us listen to ya.” Raph snarled with a sly smile and set his green eyes on you. “Donnie’s gone to fetch April and Casey, he should be back in a sec,” 

As if your stomach wasn’t doing enough back flips already, now you’re being told your boyfriend, who invited you to spend the evening with his family, is not even home. You bet he timed that perfectly, and you made a mental note to hit him for it later. 

You’d met April and Casey before, two of Donnie’s human companions. It was nice to have normal people to talk to about the abnormal lives of your boyfriend and his family, and they seemed like nice enough people; it would have been slightly reassuring to know there would be familiar faces around, if they had actually been here, rather than being elsewhere and forcing you to spend god knows how long in the company of three mutant turtles whom you had never before had anything to do with. 

“She’s pretty,” You heard Michelangelo whisper to his older bother behind you, while Leo led you to the couch.

“Shut it, dude, she’s Donnie’s girl,” Raphael shot back quickly, and you could have sworn you heard the sound of his hand slap across the back of Mikey’s head.

“I’m just observing.” Mikey retorted defensively, probably rubbing his now sore head. Leo turned around and mouthed something to them, which you didn’t quite catch but you presumed it was something along the lines of ‘shut up’.

“Told you,” Raphael scoffed quietly, and from the tone of his voice you’d bet he was smirking. 

“Will you two cut it out, you’re embarrassing her!” Leonardo turned around and pushed Raph’s arm in annoyance, trying to keep his voice low enough for you not to hear it, but instead you did and simply giggled to yourself at their behaviour. 

“We ain’t doin’ anythin!” Raphael growled back at his older brother, narrowing his eyes, seemingly oblivious to you watching the three of them go at it. “Least I ain’t.” Raph turned to his orange clad companion.

“What have I done?” Mikey said in shock, “you were the one-”

“Shut up Mikey!” Both Raph and Leo sighed in unison, and made you laugh again. They all turned to face you shamefully, realising all that had just been discussed had been overheard by you.

“I may not be a mutant, but I do have hearing,” You stated with a sheepish grin, and the three turtles chuckled at your comment. 

“I like this one,” Mikey said, not very quickly, to his brothers, and grinned in your direction. 

“Yeah, me too.” Leonardo stated, and came to join you and his brothers on the couch for a game of Halo before Donnie got back.

“I TOTALLY KICKED YOUR ASS!” You screamed, throwing the controller onto the couch and getting up from your seat to celebrate. Leonardo, who’s ass you had kicked along with Mikey’s, was burying his head in his hands dramatically, while you rubbed it in. “HIGH FIVE RAPH! Oh, wait, umm high...three?” You laughed, holding your hand up only to find Raphael was seemingly missing a couple digits. To which him and his brothers erupted into a chorus of laughter.

“What the hell’s happening here?” Donatello asked, shuffling into the lair with a couple of boxes of pizza. “You seem to have made some friends,” He slung an arm over your shoulder, and pulled you close; pecking your forehead affectionately. Boy were you glad to see him. 

Without a second thought, you punched his plastron with an evil smile. “What was that for?” Donnie squealed, though you were sure it hadn’t hurt him at all, only caught him off guard.

“Leaving me alone with them,” You whispered, for no real reason except that it made this conversation feel more intimate, given the others were more distracted by the pizza and the rematch Leonardo was trying to orchestrate. 

“They weren’t that bad, were they?” Donnie chuckled, his eyes twinkling behind his glasses.

“No, but I still felt like hitting you.” You giggled, and stretched up to place a sweet kiss on his lips. Maybe being a part of this family wasn’t anything to be worried about after all. 

[camsthisky]

The Control Freak, the Narcissist, and the Liar - Part 4

Summary: In which there is arguing and Mikey doesn’t know what to do.

Also posted on ao3 and ff.net but I’m too lazy to link it.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Tag for this au (is this an au? idk but that’s what I’m calling it)

When Raph wakes up, Mikey’s gone.

Raph lifts his head, sitting up straight in the chair he must have fallen asleep in. He takes a look around the lab, hoping that the kid’s still there. No sign of him. Instead, Raph’s left with a slumbering Donnie, an empty cot, and a missing little brother.

Great.

He had to have been really tired not to notice Mikey leave the lab without waking him up. They all got the same ninja training, and Raph is usually pretty good about keeping alert, even while asleep.

Well, that was before. Before he’d started running himself ragged, trying to escape his family and his nightmares and the crushing reality that threatened to encompass him the moment he stopped to take a breath. The only comfort he has now is that at least he’s better at dealing with all of this than Leonardo.

Leo isn’t even accepting that Splinter is dead. To Leo, it’s like their sensei’s just gone on an extended vacation and Leo sits in the dojo, awaiting the day Splinter comes back to instruct him again. Or at least, that’s what Raph figures, the way the guy’s been acting lately.

There’s a soft clang from the kitchen, and Raph knows exactly where Mikey is. He heads towards the sound immediately, leaving Donnie to his slumbering.

“Mike?” Raph calls softly, his voice gentler than it’s ever been in a long time. He walks into the kitchen, but doesn’t see anything resembling a turtle. “Mikey, you in here?”

Mikey’s voice sounds from the other side of the island, out of Raph’s line of vision. “Right here, Raph,” Mikey says, and his voice sounds kind of rough. Exactly like he’d been screaming his lungs out. Huh. He hadn’t believed him last night, but maybe Donnie hadn’t been lying about Mikey getting angry.

Raph leans forward against the island, trying to get a glimpse. Unfortunately, all he sees is a little bit of Mikey’s shell, nothing to give a clue about what’s going on.

“Whatcha doin’ down there?”

“Oh, I spilled some of the milk on the floor,” Mikey tells him, finally popping up with a milk-sodden rag in one hand and a carton in the other. “I was cleaning it up before it dried up and got all sticky. It’s a nightmare to clean once it gets all sticky, and we live in a sewer. Imagine all the rats it would attract.”

Mikey shudders dramatically, and Raph can’t exactly help the upward tilt of his mouth as Mikey rambles. It’s been a long time since the two of them had a something of a civil conversation, and it’s nicer than Raph remembers.

It should probably be concerning that Mikey’s acting so normal after what Raph heard happened last night, but Raph isn’t much better at confronting his demons, so it’s not like he can criticize. If Mikey doesn’t want to talk about it, if he doesn’t want face whatever he’s dealing with, if he wants to be goofy and happy and chatty, then Raph’s not going to stop him.

Mikey puts the milk back on the counter and throws the rag in the sink before he turns to Raph, grinning. “So, you here for breakfast or did you just want to enjoy my company?”

Even as Mikey says it, Raph knows the grin is almost strained, just a bit too tight, like he’s not sure that Raph wants him around.

Which is probably fair considering how much Raph has been avoiding the toxic air of the lair around Leo. Raph’s a lot of things, but he isn’t a liar. It hurts so much to be here, in the sewers, with his family. It hurts so much sometimes it feels like his chest is breaking open and he’s ripping into two. He knows he can get involved in his own feelings, too.

But when his little brother looks at him like he’s not sure whether he’s still welcome, it’s time to put his foot down.

Gently, for once.

So he keeps his expression schooled and shrugs. “Why not both?”

The grin Mikey sends him is blinding. “Cool! Yeah, okay, d’you want pancakes? Bacon? Eggs? No waffles since the waffle iron’s on the fritz, but I can make literally anything else.”

“Eggs an’ bacon are fine, Mikey,” Raph tells him, fighting back the smile that threatens to cross his face as Mikey flits around the kitchen. “Did Donnie take a look at the waffle iron?”

Mikey doesn’t stop moving, doesn’t stop preparing their breakfast, but his response comes about a beat too late, and that’s the only reason Raph knows he asked the wrong question.

“Oh, uh, Don’s busy with the toaster,” Mikey says, his enthusiastic tone deflated. “I haven’t exactly asked him about the iron yet. ‘Sides, he’s got a lot on his plate.”

But he could probably use the distraction, is what Raph doesn’t say, because it really wouldn’t help. Not right now. He wonders, then, how things got so tense between all of them. Where before Raph wouldn’t even care to say what he said, or how he said, and now he’s fighting himself to keep Mikey happy. Once misstep and it was over.

Or maybe not. Hopefully he could salvage this.

“Yeah, he probably does,” Raph says, humming lightly like he’s thinking about something. Mikey perks up at the devious lilt to his voice. “How ‘bout you an’ me give Donnie a hand, huh?”

Mikey laughs, the previous tension gone. “Sounds good, bro. Let’s ask after Don’s got so coffee in his system, though.”

Raph’s grimace isn’t completely for show. “Oh, yeah. Good call.”

Snickering, Mikey turns back to the eggs, and Raph vows to start spending some more time in the lair, especially if this is going to be the result. A happy Mikey makes the world go ‘round.

“-and then Donnie just fainted. Right then and there.”

Raph snorts as he drops his plate into the sink. “Why don’t I believe you?”

Mikey huffs from atop of the island. “It’s true! I swear it is! You can even ask LH, if you really don’t believe me. He was there, too.”

“Donnie does a lot of things around April, but I don’t think fainting is one of them. He’s a nerd in love, not a wuss.”

“It happened! Oh, you know what also happened?” Raph hums, prompting Mikey to continue. “Me and LH were exploring a few of the tunnels this one time, and then there was this crazy-”

Mikey stops mid word, his mouth snapping shut with an audible click as he stares hard at something over Raph’s shoulder. Raph, alarmed, moves his hands to his weapons and twirls around, only to drop his hands a moment later when he realizes who it was.

“Leo,” Raph says, something like distaste in his voice even before he can stop it.

And it is Leo. Their older brother is standing in the doorway, like he isn’t sure whether he wants come in or not. There’s something in his hunched body language that almost makes Raph feels sorry for him. Almost.

But Raph isn’t stupid. He’s had his suspicions about what happened to Mikey last night since before Donnie even told him what happened. The way Mikey had practically curled in on himself, only one of his brothers could do that Mikey. Raph should know. He’s done it plenty of times before on accident.

But the way Mikey closes himself off the moment Leo walks into the room confirms it. Leo did something, or said something, and he hasn’t tried to make amends, hasn’t tried to reach out to Mikey like he used to, like Raph always tries to do whenever he and Mikey are at odds.

It’s something like an unspoken rule in their family, Raph supposes. Never let things like anger settle between them if you can help it, and you usually always can. Even if you’re upset in the moment, don’t let it last. Always reach halfway, and most of the time, the one you hurt will try to reach back.

It’s a rule mostly for Raph, but it’s meant for all of them. Just because Raph gets angry the most didn’t mean that the others didn’t get upset, too. They all fight, but they’re brothers, and they stick together.

Or well, they did. It doesn’t look like Leo even tried.

So Raph huffs a somewhat calming breath, because fighting right in front of Mikey probably isn’t the best thing to do right now, and pulls Mikey down from the island. Mikey doesn’t fight him, but he doesn’t look happy about it, either.

“Where are you guys going?” Leo asks, and Mikey stiffens. But he doesn’t answer Leo, his lips still shut tight, so it looks like Raph’s going to have to take control of this situation.

“I’m staying in the lair for the day,” Raph states plainly as he throws an arm around Mikey’s shoulder, ignoring Mikey’s start of surprise—he doesn’t know if it’s his words or his actions, so he’ll save that talk for later. “So me an’ Mikey decided to do a round of video games and a movie marathon. Ya know. Some bro time, just the two of us.”

If Leo catches the hidden jibe, he doesn’t show it. Raph’s temper is threatening to flare at the lack of reaction his older brother his showing, but he can’t let it get to him. Instead, he steers Mikey to the kitchen door, around Leo, and toward to the pit in the center of the lair.

Mikey doesn’t say anything still, and Raph’s almost fuming at this point, but they’re away from Leo, so that’s a plus.

“So, how ‘bout we see if Don’s awake, yet,” Raph suggests, his tone gentle.

Mikey nods, and Raph doesn’t let his little brother’s silence get to him. Instead, he tugs Mikey closer to him and they start for the lab.

How Leo can do or say something horrible enough to silence Raph’s chatty little brother, Raph doesn’t know. But if he does it again, then Leonardo’s got another thing coming for him.