#IM SCUM! IM WASTE! IM WHAT YOU WANT!

[maddogmp3]

sotd! happy release day to lovejoy's 3rd ep!!!

[laikahh]

i wanna change my theme againnn. what if i became a lovejoy blog? ♡

[duodusk]

portrait of a blank slate & scum are SO up my alley for music ive been listening to them nonstop

[i-am-a-l0st-gh0st]

I'm scum I'm waste, im what you want- Scara X gn!reader part 3

"I'm not your love scaramouche ."

T/W- Jealousy, begging, angst, comfort in a way, ending an abusive relationship.

The rain wasn't giving up any time soon and neither was scaramouche. He wanted you back, he loved you still. Even after you left him. He wants you back, but it's too late.

About 3 months after the two of you broke up you had happily moved on and now had another boyfriend, kazuha. Scaramouche however was still caught up in the past, hanging on to the bit he remembered of you. Trying to relive the past but in a better light.

Scaramouche was now on your doorstep, dragging water up onto your porch. When you opened the door you weren't sure how to respond. He was stood there like a lost puppy, should you let him inside? Should you leave him out there? What were you to do? "Y/N!"

You still just stood there unsure of what to do. "Scara…"

"Y/n, my love please. Come back."

Another voice came around the corner. "Love, was all the fuss ab-, y/n who's this."

"Kazuha, he was just leaving."

Scaramouche was a little hurt by that. of course he wasn't leaving, he wasn't leaving without you. He needed you, he needed you right next to him, to be his partner once again.

"I'm not leaving without you."

"Yes you are!" You were starting to get pissed now. He was becoming increasingly frustrating.

He grabbed your wrist just trying to get you closer to him. Luckily Kazuha saved you just in time. "Do not touch her." Kazuha was glaring holes into scaramouches head. It made him retract, almost like a cat.

You slammed the door in Scara's face. You were done with his bullshit, done with him. But he wasn't done with you, he began banging on the door, he just wanted to talk. To try and win you back, the prove he still loved you. He had lost all his chances though. The amount of times you at dealt with his 'bad days', his temper* his drinking issue was too many to count.

It had been 2 years you put up with him and now you were officially done.

"I'll never hurt you again my love, I swear."

"I'm not your love, scaramouche." You spat.

[qa-senpai]

[You comfort Scaramouche] 🫶🏻

Warnings: Mention of toxic behavior, stressful day, self loath, comfort, Fluff.

Character: Scaramouche/Kunikuzushi-(soft¡Dom) x Reader(Y/N)

Note: I'm still learning to write better, so I'm very sorry if this isn't in character or maybe not as you hoped for.

"what the hell are you sayin-" his expression change completely after seeing you like this. moments ago who had been grinning with ego, now only pitiful spreads around his face. He hate to see you like this but he can't seem to find a word to express how he's feeling.

"I'M DONE! I'm so sick and tired! Trying to put everything on the line and always try to be perfect around other people! Especially you!" You snapped at him, leaving him speechless.

"I tried so hard and yet here you're always keeping your ego above your feelings! What about me? Don't you think you're being too cruel...?" Tears began to fall down on your face. Your tone become more and more low, it sounded more like a whimper. Trying to not make a sound but you just can't. You had enough with his shit, always blaming you, always want you to behave like a good doll and never break any of his rules while he just didn't even get to manage his schedule for you and leave you all alone in the house for almost a week without any news about him. You were planning on going to the fatui to see him, telling him how much you missed him and needed his affection but this? This is all you get from him. "Like I told you I came here because I missed you!... You never even!-" before you could finish your sentence he started to move forward towards your direction, "Y/N i-im...sorry i-"

Your eyes widen and quickly began to shield yourself from him by covering yourself with your hand. "G-get away from me! Don't come anymore close!" He stopped his movements, seeing you trembling and the thought of you hate him from now on, made his heart shattered to pieces. Did he really break you till you acted this way to him? Did he really been treating you badly all this time, thinking he hasn't done anything wrong but now...

You had enough as you wiped the tears from your eyes and glared at him with disappointment. You plan on leaving as you made your way through the door. "Seems like a scum like me must be getting in a way of your work. then I shall leave before I waste anymore of your time." As you were about to leave you heard shouts and fear in his voice. He soon grab your clothes and now is kneeling infront of you with tears and terror in his eyes. "P-Please! I-im sorry! P-Please I'm begging you! I know, I'm nowhere in the position of hoping for you to forgive me after the way I treated you. I always thought of keeping you on my sight, keeping my distance was the right thing to keep you protected but now I see I was wrong. So please...!...hic...P-p...p-please... don't leave me...!" His voice was rusty. The state of him remind you of how Kunikuzushi, his old self. Surely he did hurt you but you can't be mad at him too long. You began to soften and kneel down infront of him as you hugged him. " Shh, there, there. I won't go anywhere. So please stop crying."

His hands were shaking against you, his breathing was heavy. Tears keeping falling down. "do you hate me...?"

"what? No! Kuni... Listen... I may sometimes can be mad at you but I could never hate you. I love you to much but please... Next time don't let your ego get the way of your feelings for you, even for me." He only nod and began to rest his head against your chest, eyes closed. You soon felt his body was getting warmer, you began to put your hand on his forehead and that's when you know he had a fever. Your eyes widen. 'Shit! No wonder he..'

(⁠｡⁠•̀⁠ᴗ⁠-⁠)⁠✧

Soon he began to open his eyes as he found himself resting on a bed. He quickly sit up as he look around.

"c-calm down, we're in our bedroom. I carried you here while you were unconscious."

He look at you finding you just got here while you were holding a soup in your hands.

"I..! Ugh... I'm sorry I caused you trouble and now this... "

"hey! don't say that. We look at each other so please don't sweat it!" You smiled sweetly to him began to move the spoon forward to his lips.

"want me to feed you?" His face was red by your words, he look away and took the spoon from your hand.

"I can eat by myself." (//////)

You roll your eyes and give him the soup bowl. "Same old scara." He glare at you and just continue eating.

"so Kuni, I want to ask you a question. Were you hiding your fever from me?"

"hah?"

"is that the reason why you didn't give me any news this week and forbidden me to see you?" Your face went dark as he sweat. He ignore your question, pretend he didn't hear anything from you as you cross your arms. "As expected. You always wanted to look tough even at your limits. I wish you could just be honest with me. If you just tell me, I wouldn't judge you as others Kuni."

"..."

[unknownarmageddon]

what if most love comes around second hand what if its a starving age what if you better take what you can

what if booze hangs limply on our rental suits what if we're fires we're burning bright what if we're breaking bottles and starting fights what if the evening has other plans what if they pull up with two more vans

what if there's hotel complaints and grievances raised in that kind of love what if there's damage ensued and tabloid news in that kind of love

what if i could find you in any life what if heaven is not fit to house a love like you and i what if i would not change it each time

what if when the meanings gone, there is clarity what if the reason comes on the common tongue of your loving me

what if i was born as a blackthorn tree what if i'd wanna be felled by you, held by you what if i fuel the pyre of your enemies

what if I'm scum what if I'm waste what if i'm what you want

what if you can call me what you like as long as you call me what if you could kiss the skin from my lips what if it makes you feel good what if i'm not sure if you want it what if i'm not sure if you need me too what if you can taste the beer on every guy who talks to you what if i'm not paranoid what if i'm a realist what if i know you're gonna kill me

what if i could wait here, by the west pier what if i watch the flotsam float, slowly disappear what if its oh, so happy, oh, oh, so happy what if only you knew just how much better things could be

what if you dont make a sound what if its all so incredibly loud what if im breaking down what if heartbreak was never so loud

what if we kiss like real people do

what if they find us in a week what if i'd be home with you what if we lay here for years or for hours what if we become the flowers what if two corpses we were

what if you were like an angel to me what if i could break beneath the weight of the goodness, love, I still carry for you what if i'd walk so far just to take the injury of finally knowin' you

what if when you move, i can recall something thats gone from me what if when you move, im put in awe of something so flawed and free what if you've nothin left to prove and nothin to lose

what if i'd be appalled if i ever saw you try to be a saint what i wouldn't fall for someone i thought couldn't misbehave

what if with you i got to be young and happy

what if you were the sunshine of my lifetime what if every lover's got a little dagger in their hand what if im sending my love from the other side of the apocalypse what if there's nowhere left for us to go but heaven

what if some part of me came alive the first time you called me baby what if some part of stayed alive each time you called me baby what if some part of me must've died the final time you called me baby

what if all things end what if just knowing that everything will end should not change our plans what if we begin again what if I have never known a silence like the one fallen here what if i've never watched my future darken in a single tear

what if we were young again what if we're just two slow dancers, last ones out

what if i copy paste the entire of To Noise Making (Sing) by Hozier

what if they simply just are, geddon, what if they simply just are, and that's all they ever need to be

Chair I think you’re legitimately going to kill me

[yandere-romanticaa]

HOLY SHIT WEEBSINSTASH GOT THE POLICE ON ME OH SHIT IM ON THE FBI'S MOST WANTED LIST AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Stop. Please just fucking stop. I don't know who you are but get a life. For fucks sake, go get a fucking life and stop bothering random strangers on the internet.

Do you have any idea how many of your asks I've had to delete? Do you have any idea how many accounts I had to block because you won't stop harassing this person and somehow me by sending me these bizarre asks? Have you no shame? Have you no dignity? Is your life truly so sad, pathetic and filled with absolutely nothing to do other than to send me these asks, over, and over, and over, and over again? How much of a loser are you? How much of your time are you planning on wasting? I'm disgusted with you. And I'm a little disgusted with myself for even bothering to reply to you but I can't. You are filth. You are a bottom of the barrel human being and I pity you. The fact that someone so lonely, someone so utterly devoid of any purpose exists is appalling to me.

Leave me alone. Leave weebsintrash alone too. Stop sending these asks to people, not just me. Go away you scum. Crawl back into the hellish hole you crawled out of and stay there. Eat glass. Be grateful you're not looking me straight in the eye because who knows what I'd do to you.

[the-bonfires-ember]

ive been thinking about that thing people say about mental illness. yknow, 'its not a part of your personality' 'dont make it your identity' etc

but when you have a personality disorder, that doesnt really make sense anymore.

which makes my feelings on cluster b pride flags a little conflicted. coz, sure, it is fundamentally a part of your personality and certainly shapes your identity, but something about pride flags has always been off to me. perhaps especially as a person with aspd.

now, sure, on the one hand i get it. theres something appealing about having that kind of validation that you arent alone, especially when you are constantly masking and shifting who you are to fit the situation best.

we might have antisocial personality disorder but we are still, at our core, social creatures. we still desire community, we're just also afraid of it.

so yeah, a banner of community and others 'like us' seems fair enough, right?

BUT

theres still something... off to me about it. what it was, exactly, only came to me after a discussion with my partner about DID and PluralKit - yeah i know, im diving into plural drama now, lfg i guess

they showed me an infographic about the process of DID recovery which showed the progression from very disconnected and separated identities to a more blended 'final fusion' (a term they take issue with but thats a different story). i said that PluralKit must be confusing for people on the later ends of the spectrum they were showing me because, at that point, how do you tell who is blending with who? when the lines are blurry, how do you know who to tag yourself as? it seemed like an inhibitor to recovery if you were constantly cutting yourselves off from each other. (this is not me saying anything one way or the other about plurals and recovery in DID or whatever the fuck else, im just using this as an example. stfu i dont care about your opinions on any of this so dont waste your breath)

i think my feelings on aspd flags is somewhat similar. coz i mean, they are pride flags, right? and i think if you are taking pride in being aspd then you are far more likely to lean into your symptoms, and i think thats a slippery slope to go down and has just a very 'anti-recovery' vibe, if you know what i mean.

with that all said, i also very much think that if you dont want to recover, you dont have to. i dont think you can force anyone to recover and i dont think you should even try to. recovery is fucking shit and its hard and if you arent ready for it, you are just going to hurt whoever you are trying to make recover.

but i also think that you can have that opinion, whilst also being a voice for recovery, and be against 'anti-recovery' thinking.

because look, like it or not aspd is a fucking disorder. and at some point that becomes unhelpful or it wouldnt be a disorder. symptoms of aspd are debilitating and pretending otherwise that helps nobody. especially with all the 'all pwASPD are evil' scum out there.

so yes, i think the pride flags are... unhelpful at best and harmful at worst. but what about the other stuff? the creatures alla tbh creature and the plushiedreadful rabbit? (i think both of those designs suck btw but thats not the point)

idk those feel like they are in a different category. theres not really a sense of pride in those, more a sense of comfort. again, community, but also a sort of softness(??) that the pride flag things seem to miss - especially when they are like 'vampire aspd' or 'evil aspd' or any of the other bullshit things ive seen out there. i guess they are also just way more 'mental illness' coded than pride flags are.

pride flags have always been a 'we're here and theres nothing wrong with us' kind of thing. but the creatures and the bears are more lighthearted and sort of making fun of the conditions a little bit. highlighting symptoms and coping mechanisms. just look at the imocreature - specifically the worm one which is my favourite - and the way its able to be so pathetic looking and cute. its not meant to be cool or badass or whatever else, its just a lil guy that gets sad without supply.

which, yknow, relatable.

[drakonyx121]

you tranny nigger, you really are just a brown piece of shit . you are inherently inferior and just waste resources and on top of that you dont even fucking contribute to your shithole of a country? you are just subhuman scum.

you will just be a man no matter how much you try, just give up man. and dont try to assimilate with the upper white race, know your place nigger

why are you even bothering me. im not even that popular. im just a 15 year old trans girl what the fuck do you want

[onyxthemonstercan]

Songs/lyrics that im listening to because I feel emotions physically and not mentally anymore- and idek what to call my current situation Ive gotten myself into-again

“And I’ll say ‘fuck you’, cause I know if I dont, I’ll probably say, something stupid and true.”

“You kiss me like it was your job, so tender and carefully, teeth before tongue. Not in the way that the romantics do, but with the grace of a workplace HR dispute.”

“ I’m scum, I’m waste, I’m what you want.”

“Was I not good enough? Worthy of being loved? Were you ashamed or just afraid? Well when Ive given up, and all is said and done, will you just look the other way?”

“You can be all I got, whats the difference? Hennessy and a lot of bad decisions, all I know, all I know, is bad bad descions. You can be all I got, whats the difference? You and me and a lot of bad decisions, all I know, all I know, is bad bad descions.”

[narcissisticpdcultureis]

god im gonna sound like an ass but npd culture is scum by lovejoy. like, with the whole duality of “im scum, im waste” (narc crashes, having moments where you know, objectively, youre kinda a bad person in some capacity) and “im what you want” (narc like. highs? ig? viewing yourself as desireable and that the other person wants to be with you)

im absolutely reading too much in to it (its probs just npd culture cause i like the song lol)

-🐢

.

[maddogmp3]

DONT YOU KNOW NO ONE GETS WHAT THEY CAME HERE FOR?

THE ROAD TO HAPPINESS IS PAVED WITH ROWS AND ROWS OF VERY TEMPTING PARKING SPACES.

WHATS THIS? THE CONSEQUENCES OF MY ACTIONS NOW?

SHE HOPES TO GOD THAT I JUST CHOKE

IM SCUM! IM WASTE! IM WHAT YOU WANT!

THEY'LL SELL YOU THE ROPE BY WHICH YOU'LL HANG YOURSELF

[laikahh]

oh and btw. im scum im waste im what you want

[iworshipsappho]

IM SCUM IM WASTE IM WHAT YOU WANT

[i-am-a-l0st-gh0st]

★Masterlist★

- Albedo

Underneath the Stars- "I heard you talking in your sleep."-\

Brainrot- Fluff

-Scara

im scum, im waste, im what you want- 'I thought I told you not to smile at other men.'

Part 2

Part 3

What am I gonna do- "Why are you asking me such stupid questions?"

Hold me closer and I'll hold back- "Same old heart with the same old tricks, hold me closer and I’ll hold back"

He says everything I need to hear- And its like i couldn't ask for anything better

If im dead to you why are at the wake?- Cursing my name, wishing I'd stayed

Both your hands in the holes of my sweater- and if may just take your breath away

-Alhaitham

A soulmate who wasn't meant to be- 'Was our relationship just a joke to you...?'

All the stars aligned- "And what name should I put?"

When I'm not with you think of me always- "Everything is alright just hold on tight, that's because I'm a god old fashioned lover boy"

In front of all your stupid friends- "If you kissed me would it be just like i dreamed?"

Brainrot

When I'd fight you used to tell me I was brave- “Cause I loved you, I swear I love you… Till my dying day…”

-Kaeya

One last time- 'Can you just kiss me? One last time? That's all I ask...'

I'll do anything you ask of me- My fingers pressed until their sore

-Tighnari

Wandering in the woods- "It's alright Collei, they should be okay. You did good."

-Xiao

Falling asleep on him- 'He was rarely shown affection and was very unsure what do to when he received it.'

Drunk under a street light- "But I knew you, dancing in your Levis drunk under a street light"-

You said you love me exactly the way I am- "Guess I must be satisfactory you said you love me exactly the way I am"

Show me how you care- Show me how you smile

Meet me at our spot- Baby, are you coming for the ride?

Childe

In your arms tonight-. 'You hadn't been hugged by anyone like this in years, so of course some tears were shed.'

Hey I miss your stupid face- Get back to my place, I need you. It hurts so much to wait

I never meant to hurt you though- I pushed a lot back but I can't forget it

Neuvillette

But I didn't need to be stronger I needed to be saved- You wanted nothing more than to hold him

And that's why I love fall- I love you y/n don't you forget that

With eyes as dead as mine- "Oh, what a blessing to meet someone like you."

Could you ever imagine where our lives could be- Luckily you saw something in me, something I couldn’t see

Ayato

But now he's playing with your head- "God will you stop being so clingy!"

They never know what you know- "It's not that simple but they won't seem to notice"

All the leaves are brown- And the sky is grey

Kaveh

All this over a kiss- "You're Y/N, my Fiance!"

Clung on tightly, like parentheses- "And every sentence that a spoke began and ended with ellipsis"

I wanna be your favourite boy- "I wanna be the one who makes your day, the one you think about as you lie awake"

Why don't you love me anymore?- But you say I don't know how to love

Lyney

I don't know what to do without you- "Please, I'm still the same lyney you fell in love with"

Please hold me close to you- Baby flatline still time to do it too

And i thought you might be mine- In a small world, on an exceptionally rainy Tuesday night

Feeling sick of myself- Guess I'll try to be someone else (trans masc reader)

The breathing exercises hurt- They don't do fuck all

I'll Hide My Chest...- And i'll figure out a way to get us out of here

No alarms and no surprises-Such a pretty house And such a pretty garden

Wait by the door like I'm just a kid- And watch you tolerate it.

Boys don't cry- I would say i'm sorry, if thought that it would change your mind.

I should be over all the butterflies- Im still into you

Secrets i have held in my heart- are harder to hide than I thought

Part 1

Part 2

I'm cutting people out again- I hope to see their faces when I pursue. Haunting you…

I'll hide my chest- And I'll figure out a way to get us out of here.

Wriothesley

Yeah, you made it all alright- Those words were for you and for you alone

Why do I myself dream like this?- "But perhaps its just my stupid hea in the end

We fell in love in October- That's why I love fall

They say it's such a shame, I turned out this way- "The red means I love you."

We listen to a lot of true crime- But it's alright, she'll be fine

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Breaking my back just know your name- Well, some body told me, that you have a boyfriend.

Make sure nobody sees you leave- Tell your friends you're out for a run

Heizou

I can't stop you putting roots in my dream land- Despite being a detective many things about you were still a mystery that he could never figure out.

Thoma

Sweet tea in the summer- "Sweet tea in the summer, cross my heart won't tell no other"

You know i wanna be your light- In darkness, How you find me just in time to tell me what I needed to hear.

Kazuha

I don't deserve you, you deserve the world- Every time that i miss you I feel the way you hurt

Diluc

Oh what a blessing to meet someone like you- "With eyes as dead as mine"

Just know that if you hide, it doesn't go away- When you get out of bed don't end up stranded

It's always been just him and me together- So I'll bet all I have on

Just one more tear to cry- One tear drop from my eye

Multi

Coming out as Non-binary

You and me, always forever- Fremient, Lyney, Alhaitham

Gaming

If you're lost you can look and find me- Time after Time

You're just another picture to burn- There's no time for tears

Arlecchino

Date rambles-

My kinda girl- Im down on my hands and knees begging you please baby

[snailvee]

IM SCUM, IM WASTE, IM WHAT YOU WANT