#IM NO EXPERT this is just what worked for me and what i've read

[127luvr]

ok sorry if this is a weird ask but do u have any tips on losing weight 😭

not a weird ask at all!!!!!

honestly i'm no expert at weight loss but during like this... "journey" i've done a lot of research. the best way to start is by moving. literally like just start walking/doing some sort of cardio if you're not ready for the gym. but weight lifting is also an awesome way to start too and it'll start the body recomp phase

i personally don't diet but i do watch what i eat and i make substitutions like sugar free sodas and energy drinks. i also just started cooking at home a lot instead of going out to eat (fast food) but eating out is okay!!! you can't deprive yourself of feel-good foods otherwise you'll fall back into bad habits but being mindful of these things is good. you can always find low-cal meals anywhere you go. being in a calorie-deficit is also a sure way to lose weight

also!!!!! non scale victories!!! don't rely solely on the number when you weigh yourself. there are other ways to tell that you are losing weight (making progress). i first noticed my hands/veins

[its-avalon-08]

Amoreeee!

i love ur works and i have a very specific reuqest in mind. this is too detailed so please feel free to ditch a few details because im aware its too much. this is a mv1 x senna!daughter one.

max is hard racing some driver and he gets angry and flustered and he crashes because he act irresponsibly. y/n's heart stops because the way the car rotated and hit the barrier refletced her late father's passing.

her breath stops, max is ok but gp IS ANGRY at him because that could have been easily avoided. max is not hurt at all.

he is still angry when he comes back into the motor home. and then y/n gives him a cold shoulder and doesnt speak to him.

this makes max angrier leading to a passive aggressive arguement. max says something which leads y/n to say "fine then, fuck off and die see if i care" max is shcoked and so is everyonbe else in the motorhome

when she rushes out in tears she bumps into carlos/charles/lando and he comforts her and she says "i never shouldve said that"

they make up, hapoy ending make it extra emotional.

LOVE UR WORKS!

i have to confess, i love this one the most out of everything i've ever written. its extra extra long, and the anon messaged me and asked me to add a few more things, so i have done the same! anon ily ! (edit - i messed up the translation! its been fixed now!!) enjoy reading <3

coração valente (mv1) (brave heart)

find the headcannon here!

The roar of the engine was a dull thrum in Y/N's ears as she watched the battle unfold on the screen. Max was locked in a fierce fight for position with Esteban Ocon. Every aggressive lunge, every desperate attempt to overtake sent a tremor of unease through her. It was too reminiscent, too close to the edge.

Then, disaster struck. Ocon made a late move, and Max, fueled by frustration and a competitive fire, reacted impulsively. He swerved to block him, the car losing traction as it took the corner too tightly. The world slowed down as Y/N watched in horror. The Red Bull spun, a sickening ballet of red and blue against the asphalt, before slamming into the barrier with a sickening crunch.

Her breath hitched, a choked sob escaping her lips. The way the car crumpled, the dust cloud mirroring the crash that stole her father… the memory flooded back, vivid and terrifying. Her heart hammered against her ribs, a frantic drum solo threatening to burst through her chest.

Thankfully, the medical team rushed to the scene, and the relief was almost a physical blow. Max emerged from the wreckage, shaken but unharmed. But the reprimand from Horner was swift and brutal. "Unnecessary risk, Verstappen! You could have avoided that entirely!"

By the time Max stormed back into the motorhome, his anger was a palpable presence. He tossed his helmet onto the couch, the thud echoing in the tense silence. Y/N sat by the window, her back to him, a cold, hard wall where warmth and concern usually resided.

"Great job out there," Max spat, his voice laced with sarcasm. "Another brilliant strategy by Horner, putting all the pressure on me."

Y/N remained silent. Her silence was a punishment, far worse than any raised voice. Max, already on edge, bristled.

"You gonna say something, genius?" he snapped. "Or are you just gonna sit there like a statue?" Y/N turned a deaf ear to that.

The air in the motorhome felt thick enough to chew on. Y/N sat at the table, meticulously organizing spare race parts, a pointed silence radiating from her. Max hovered by the coffee machine, his usual swagger dampened by a heavy frown.

Christian Horner, ever the mediator, attempted to lighten the mood. "So, Max," he boomed, "what are we learning from this little spin?"

Max, bristling at the reminder, mumbled a vague response about tire strategy. Y/N, without looking up, chimed in, "Perhaps a lesson in spatial awareness wouldn't go amiss."

The air crackled. Max whipped his head towards her, his jaw clenched. "Oh, and who's the expert on spatial awareness, Miss Never-Been-On-The-Track?"

Y/N slammed a wrench down a little too hard, the metallic clang echoing in the tense silence. "There's a difference between calculated risk and reckless driving," she retorted, her voice laced with ice.

Max scoffed. "Spoken like someone who's never felt the pressure of a championship on their shoulders."

Y/N's eyes narrowed. "Pressure doesn't excuse stupidity, Max," she said, her voice clipped.

Horner cleared his throat, his booming voice a desperate attempt to break the ice. "Look, let's all take a moment to cool down. We can dissect the crash later. Right now, Max needs a clear head for the next race."

With that, Horner steered Max towards a debriefing session, leaving Y/N alone in the charged atmosphere. She picked up a stray bolt, turning it over in her hand, her knuckles white with repressed anger. Tears welled up in her eyes, blurring the workshop around her.

Just then, Charles walked in, his perceptive eyes catching the glint of tears on her cheeks. "Rough day?" he asked softly.

Y/N choked back a sob. "It's just… I don't know if I can watch him race anymore," she confessed, her voice thick with emotion.

Charles pulled up a chair beside her, his presence a silent comfort. "You know Max," he said gently. "He makes mistakes, but he learns from them."

Y/N shook her head. "This wasn't just a mistake, Charles. It was reckless. And it brought back…" she trailed off, unable to finish the sentence.

Charles squeezed her shoulder in understanding. "The fear," he finished for her. "It's always there, isn't it?"

Y/N nodded, a tear escaping and tracing a path down her cheek. "I can't lose him too," she whispered, her voice cracking.

Charles offered a sad smile. "You won't," he assured her. "Max is stubborn, but he cares about you. He'll learn from this."

His words offered a glimmer of hope. Y/N knew Charles was right. But the fear, the raw terror that had gripped her during the crash, still lingered.

Max, a whirlwind of frustration earlier, had retreated into a sullen silence. Y/N, her eyes red-rimmed and puffy, refused to acknowledge him directly. The tension crackled between them, a storm waiting to erupt.

Daniel Ricciardo, ever the peacemaker, tried to lighten the mood. "So, Max," he said, a touch too cheerfully, "what are we having for dinner? Surely Y/N has whipped up some magic in the kitchen?"

Y/N's lips twitched, but she remained focused on her phone, pretending not to hear. Max, still fuming, mumbled a curt, "I don't care."

The forced joviality died a quick death. Charles, sensing the undercurrents, offered, "Actually, I wouldn't mind ordering some takeout. How about some Indian?"

Y/N finally looked up, her voice clipped. "No, thank you, Charles. I'm not particularly hungry."

Max scoffed. "Suit yourself. More for the rest of us, then."

The passive-aggressive jabs continued throughout the evening, each veiled comment a fresh barb. Y/N praised Charles's recent qualifying performance, a clear dig at Max's reckless driving. Max, in turn, bragged about a new training program he was starting, a not-so-subtle jab at Y/N's perceived lack of understanding.

"Honestly that race was mine, Ocon fucked it up for everyone," Max proclaimed.

"Maybe," she said, her voice barely a whisper, "if you hadn't been so busy playing daredevil, you wouldn't have thrown away the race."

The words hung heavy in the air. Max felt a flicker of something cold and sharp twist in his gut. "Playing daredevil?" he scoffed. "I was out there fighting for the win!"

"At what cost?" Y/N's voice cracked, the dam of her emotions threatening to burst. "Do you even understand the fear you put me through?"

Max, for the first time, saw a glimpse of the terror that mirrored his own reckless driving. He opened his mouth to apologize, but the words wouldn't come.

The silence stretched, thick with unspoken emotions. Then, in a moment of horrifying clarity, Max blurted out, "Look, if you can't handle the pressure, maybe you should just—"

The sentence died on his lips as he saw the blood drain from Y/N's face. She stared at him, her eyes filled with a hurt so profound it took his breath away.

"Fine then," she said, her voice a choked whisper. "fuck off and die. see if i care."

The words echoed in the stunned silence. Everyone in the motorhome froze, their eyes wide with shock. Even Max, fueled by anger, felt a cold dread settle in his stomach.

Y/N didn't wait for a response. Tears streaming down her face, she bolted out of the motorhome, the slam of the door a punctuation mark to the shattered silence.

Max stared after her, a tapestry of emotions swirling within him – anger, regret, a terror that mirrored her own. He lunged after her, but Charles, who had witnessed the exchange, caught him by the arm.

"Let her go," Charles said gently, his voice laced with concern. "She needs some space."

Max sank back onto the couch, his head in his hands. "What did I do?" he rasped, the anger replaced by a crushing weight of remorse.

The atmosphere was suffocating. Everyone, even the usually jovial mechanics, seemed to walk on eggshells around the warring couple. Tears streamed down Y/N's face as she walked, the weight of the fight, the fear, and the unspoken hurt threatening to overwhelm her. This wasn't the way it was supposed to be.

The cool night air did little to soothe the burning in Y/N's eyes. She wandered away from the motorhome complex, her legs numb and directionless. The roar of the track faded behind her, replaced by the chirping of crickets and the rustling of leaves. Tears streamed down her face, carving clean tracks through the grime of the day.

Then, she saw it. Half-hidden behind a cluster of trees, a towering mural emerged from the darkness. It was a familiar image – her father, mid-corner, a determined glint in his eyes, the car a blur of yellow and green. A wave of emotions washed over her – grief, pride, and now, a searing anger.

Sinking down onto a nearby bench, Y/N found herself talking to the painted image. "Why didn't you tell me, Dad?" she choked out, her voice thick with unshed tears. "Why didn't you tell me how terrifying it would be to watch someone you love race?"

"Doesn't he understand, Dad? Doesn't he see the risk he takes? It's like he doesn't care! Doesn't care about the fear he puts me through, the terror that I relive every single time I see a car spin out of control!"

She slammed her fist against the concrete wall, a raw scream escaping her lips. The sound echoed in the quiet night, a testament to the storm raging within her. Tears streamed down her face, hot and angry.

"And then," she continued, her voice trembling, "he has the audacity to get mad at me? To act like I'm the one overreacting? Doesn't he see what his actions do? Doesn't he see what he almost took away from me today?"

Silence, except for the rustle of leaves in the night breeze. But in her mind, she could almost hear his voice, warm and reassuring. "coração valente (brave heart)," it seemed to say, the nickname he always used for her. "Fear is a part of it, but it doesn't have to control you."

Y/N wiped her eyes, a flicker of understanding replacing the anger. Her father hadn't raced because it was easy. He raced because of the passion, the thrill, the dance with danger. He wouldn't have wanted her to live in fear, but to find her own strength, her own way to navigate the world he left behind.

The sting in his eyes wasn't just from the acrid smoke billowing from a nearby barbecue. Max's chest ached with a dull ache that had nothing to do with the crash. Y/N's words, "fine then, fuck off and die. See if I care," echoed in his mind, a constant reminder of his monumental screw-up.

He couldn't just sit there, stewing in his self-pity. He needed to find her, needed to apologize and explain the terrifying realization that had dawned on him during their tense silence.

Following a hunch, he made his way to the secluded corner where the mural of Ayrton Senna stood. In the dim glow of a single overhead light, he saw Y/N curled up with her back against the wall, her shoulders trembling with silent sobs. A red mark marred her hand where it had connected with the concrete.

His heart lurched. He knelt down beside her, his voice barely a whisper. "Y/N?"

She flinched at the sound, whipping her tear-streaked face towards him. Her eyes, red and puffy, held a storm of emotions – hurt, anger, and something akin to pleading.

Max swallowed the lump in his throat. "I… I shouldn't have said what I said," he began, his voice thick with remorse. "My anger… it clouded everything. I didn't…" He broke off, his own voice cracking.

Tears spilled down Y/N's cheeks. "And I..." she started, her voice trembling. "I never should have said what I did. It was awful, unforgivable of me." Her voice choked on a sob. "I don't… I don't want to lose you, Max. Not like that."

With a choked cry, she threw her arms around him, burying her face in his chest. Max held her tight, the dam breaking inside him. He pressed kisses to her hair, each one a silent apology, a promise.

"I get it now, Y/N," he whispered, his voice thick with emotion. "I understand the fear. I see it reflected in your eyes every time I step onto the track. And I promise, I'll never do anything like that again. Not if it means putting you through that kind of pain."

They clung to each other, a tangle of limbs and broken sobs. The night air vibrated with the raw emotions they were finally releasing. Slowly, the sobs subsided into sniffles, leaving behind a fragile calm.

Max pulled back, wiping away a stray tear from Y/N's cheek with his thumb. "Let's go back," he said gently, his voice hoarse. "We can talk properly, sort things out."

Y/N nodded, her eyes searching his. "Together," she added, a shaky smile playing on her lips.

Max grinned back, the familiar spark of mischief returning to his eyes. "Always," he promised. "Together, no matter what the track throws at us."

As they walked back hand-in-hand, the mural of Ayrton Senna seemed to watch over them, a silent guardian of their love, a love forged in fire, tested by fear, and ultimately strengthened by understanding and forgiveness. The road ahead wouldn't be easy, but with each other, they knew they could face anything.

[5a-alf]

I have been obsessing over this perfect court!AU and have literally like one irl friend to talk about it with. So.

The thing about Riko is that he never ever ever could have been anything different. He has at least one but probably two personality disorders (narcisism and antisocial i'd argue), which are the result of the abuse he endured. From a young age he was only an object, a spare, or the embodiment of an idea.

Others are redeemable because they are people, but he never really was a person in his own right. So he got worse and worse and worse, and we all know what he did.

I wanted a story where he could have something different, for i feel there is no universe in which he ends in a different way: everything he has is a childish dream, and that would have failed at some point anyway. And with failure comes death. I think his brother would have killed him even without the whole clusterfuck of the last game, just because without Kengo the main line was now only one adult and the 'branch' one was 2, which is one too many. Between Riko and Testuji, killing Riko made the most sense because Testuji had no interest in power, he just liked his dolls; also he was already an expert at his job, while Riko would have to learn/train to fill that role. And obviously age is also a factor, Riko is young, Testuji is middle-aged: for ichirou, a young man, the second is less threatening.

I could go on for hours guys im not even joking

For him to have a different future, he is not even the only thing that needs to change. If he was a good person, he'd have been dead earlier. If he was an okay person too. Maybe as morally gray he'd have the same exact life with a little less enemies.

What needs to change with him is the people he has around, his safety net. He has zero people on his side in canon (And he shouldn't have them, mind, he's horrid. But still, out of every bad person in aftg he is the only one who no one loves), he only has followers and pawns. So for an AU to work, he would need to change in a way that would affect the people he surrounds himself with enough to once again reach the show down with Ichirou and "win" against Testuji.

To do that, i think he needs Neil on his side. Kevin is great dont get me wrong, but he doesnt get it the way neil does. Neil gets the mafia, its way of thinking, its deals and the way power moves. Neil know how to be vicious and how to read people and how to push just enough.

To have a 'good' relationship with neil something needs to go differently during the selling, so that his mom doesnt run away with him. But he'd also need to have a good relationship with kevin first. For him to have a different relationship woth kevin i dont think he'd necessarily need to be better morally, he'd just need to be a better manipulator. In canon he controls people with fear/violence/money, but the best way to control people is actually through love/favors. To train a dog, you better give it treats than beat it. I think this way they would end up with a better relationship but also, the better relationship would in turn make him a better person, and the two things would continue to feed each other.

Neil comes in now. He is 10, Riko and Kevin are 12. The thing with Neil (aside from all i've already said) is that Riko would quite literally own him at this point, the same way he then owns Jean. The main difference between the two situations i think would be 1) their personalities 2) their age. At 16 (Jean 14) Riko is already off the deep end. Waay too deep. But at 12? Different story.

For the first point, mostly i'd say that Neil grew up in an abusive household like jean did, but he knew his father as the butcher, as a mafioso, and he was taught how to use knives ecc as a kid. He knew the drill, he knew the life. Jean was completely uprooted, brought into a different country, told to play a game i dont think he knew anything about. Much more jarring. Neil already loved Exy, he wanted to play it all the time; the sport itself would be a good motivator for good behaviour. Jean was just angry angry angry (fair.) and alone in a different country. So. Not the same. I think Raven!Neil would be the one person on the team not afraid to tell Riko off, but also not afraid of his violence (much more restricted in this au guys), and riko is also not scared of Neil's violence (a bit more than in canon, he grew at castle evermore; he is nathaniel) so they find solace in each other. He'd know when to listen and when to mouth off [Riko saying "nathaniel" vs "neil" and things like that]

Second point is their age, because at 12 riko is more susceptible to change than he is at 16, so building a rapport with neil would prove more beneficial, for all i've said in point one.

Jean would be a harder case. Bringing him to heel is much more complicated, because riko doesnt have anything to leverage against him nor offer him, the guy has nothing to lose anymore and now is not enough of a person to desire anything (well. Anything obtainable. He'd like to be free for sure). I think again a lot of the work would be done by neil (and kevin too obv, but neil mostly, as his partner) because they are the same age, play the same role, are partners. Neil would be a centainty. And this better riko wouldnt be violent to destroy his spirit, he'd be "forgiving" (when useful) and bandage his wounds when the Master beats him, and be generally kind to a kid who is so starved for kindness he'd kill himself to at least get the touch of death. That + group mentality and i think jean would be on board too.

Andrew also factors in all of this, but i'll go on later this has gotten SO LONG and i wont even reread it gosh i hope it makes sense.

Basically this whole thing ends up in: take the insanity that is andreil as a couple but that somehow is the sanest couple out there but extend it to the perfect court 5.

[shalomniscient]

hellooo sev! was thinking of a scenario based on one of deren's supervision events where she's just casually chilling on the lawn while staring at the clouds. the thought that both of them are beside each other talking abt cloud shapes and imagining stories from it is so so cute + a nice start for a fluff fanfic :>

one deren fluff coming right up 🫡🫡🫡 first time i'm writing something other than p0rn for deren so wish me luck LMAO

cloudgazer || deren x reader

cw. none !

notes. i would NOT be able to do this with deren im being so fr because ya girl is HORRENDOUS at improvising...... as you will all read later shdksjdhkldfklh nobody look at me ok i can pretend the lion king (1994) doesnt exist in discity ok LEAVE ME ALONE

"What are you doing?"

Deren turns her to look at you, a lazy grin on her face. She's lying on her back against the grass in the MBCC garden, staring up at the simulated sky. The artificial sunlight paints her in pretty shades of gold and yellow, and she looks like she walked right out of one of her own movies.

"Hey, you," she replies with a wink. "Wanna join me for some cloud watching?"

You tilt your head. "Cloud watching?"

"Yep," Deren nods. "It's a great way to relax, just sitting back and looking at the sky."

"Sounds like a way for you to slack off," you say, lighthearted suspicion coating your tone, and Deren laughs, raising her hands in mock surrender.

"Hey, c'mon. A girl deserves a break once in a while, right?"

You snort, but go to sit down next to her nonetheless, bracing your arms on your knees. "After she does her work, maybe."

"Let me live," Deren says with a faux whine, and you both chuckle. You turn your head skywards, looking as the clouds drift by lazily. It's just a simulation, but it was a mirror of the sky outside, so if you suspend your disbelief for long enough, you could believe it was real.

"So... what am I looking for, exactly?" you ask her, squinting at the clouds. They all look like formless blobs to you, but that might just be your inexperience talking. You turn to Deren, the local cloud, expert and she gives you an amused smile.

"You're not looking for anything. You just have to see what's there and let your imagination do the rest," she shrugs. She looks back to the sky, and after a brief moment, points to a cloud on the left. "See that cloud over there?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't you think it looks a little like a lion?"

You furrow your brows, and, yeah, you can kind of see it. "I guess... no, wait, now it looks like a... pig? And a, uh... rat?"

Deren hums, watching as the clouds continue to drift. "What about now?"

"It's a lion again," you answer. "But bigger."

Deren nods sagely, grinning now that you're invested in her little game. "Good, good. Now come up with a story for them."

"Wait, what?" you blink at her, confused. A story? How are you supposed to come up with one that quickly? "Uh, well..."

The silence drags on as you struggle to come up with a story. This creative stuff really isn't your forte. You were made to do paperwork (tragically) and resolve DisCity's monthly crises, not use your imagination. As if sensing your struggle, Deren decides to cut you some slack and help you out.

"Here, I'll go first," she offers. "A lion is cast out from his family after an incident, and he meets a pig and a rat. They help him find himself again, then he goes home and rejoins his family."

"Huh," you say, impressed. "That's nice. And you just came up with that?"

Deren's smile turns smug, like a cat that got the cream. "Yeah, but I've had practice. C'mon, let's keep going until you figure something out on your own."

Despite your better judgement telling you to get back to work, you decide to lie down beside Deren anyway. The two of you go back and forth with short, cloud-based stories that go in all sorts of directions, from a comedy about two robots to a dark, unsettling romance between a snake, a swan and a cat. It's a nice change of pace from your work, and at some point, as Deren narrates another story—something about a lamb and a priest—you find your eyes slipping shut. Her voice is soothing, and you're more tired than you realize.

Deren only notices you're fast asleep once she's finished her story, and you haven't responded. She blinks in surprise, then chuckles at the sight of you. Her hand reaches out to brush some stray strands of hair away from your face, and she sits up to shrug off her jacket and lay it across your sleeping form. As she watches the slow rise and fall of your chest, the clouds are all but forgotten in her mind.

"Sleep well, Chief."

[archangeldyke-all]

Hi Angel!

I've been reading your kidfics and if it's okay I'd like to contribute to your little fucker cinematic universe because I have a real story that happened to me when I was tutoring and I think you might like it. 🌸

Little fucker is a clever kid. Sometimes too clever. And the problem is - she can't sit for the life of her. She will stand on her chair, rock it back and forth, run for water and for snacks and for whatever thing she wants to show you, but she will not just sit and do her homework.

Which is fair, she is only 7, but you're not so patient. So you decide it's going to be Sevika's problem now. Part of you hopes that little fucker will be more intimidated of her grumpy mom, but this hope is more of a delusion - you know Sevika is a softie and your daughter knows it as well.

Sevika thinks she got it, she is an adult, what can be hard about 7 year old's homework? Counting apples? Sevika is cocky about the whole ordeal, but you don't say anything, letting her find out by herself.

Sevika gets absolutely humbled when she sees little fucker's homework and gets confused at a math question 10 minutes in. Then she sighs in relief when she remembers she is only supposed to monitor little fucker and only help her if she is confused. Yeah, she can't sit through five minutes of work, but Sevika finds a way in a "waste my time I'll waste your time" deal. Little fucker's time management improves immediately.

One day they're doing homework and little fucker has to write a story, but before that, she needs to write details about her character (teddy bear on her shirt).

"How do you call really smart people?" Little fucker asks with a philosophical frown.

"Geniuses?" Sevika tries, also frowning in an effort to find the right word.

Little fucker looks at her disappointedly and Sevika sweats like she is a first grader in front of a teacher.

"Prodigy? Also a great word." Sevika offers, but the disappointment on your baby's face grows.

"I have no fucking idea, kid." Sevika admits.

Little fucker just flops her arms encouraging Sevika to try.

"Do you mean scientists?"

Another look of extreme disappointment. Sevika starts to feel bad.

Little fucker sighs and taps her pencil on her book, frustrated. Then she looks at Sevika again, still shocked at her lack of intelligence.

"Nerds." She says in mock surprise. "They are called nerds, mom."

Sevika is speechless. Then she snorts and nods, admitting her defeat.

"Okay. You're right." Sevika is kinda proud of her baby's sass and she doesn't even try to hide it.

"I'll use genius though." Little fucker says like an expert and slowly writes down the word.

"Yeah. Don't think your teacher will like it very much if you say your Teddy is a nerd."

Later Sevika asks you the same question.

"How do you call really smart people?"

"Competent?" You try offhandedly as you wash the dishes.

"Well, according to our daughter, they're called nerds."

"This girl, I swear to God." You snort. "It's all your influence."

"Dunno, I married a nerd after all, not you."

this is FUCKING ADORABLE IM SOBBING

[sturniolotrip-samandcolby-lover]

Matt sturniolo -little bean

Warnings -swearing,mention of abortion, mention of sex , vomiting use of y/n, arguing .Small age gap (matt 20 and reader 22) silent treatment

Angst/fluff Matt

Author note -thinking of making this into a series so let me know what you all think

Part 1

Word count-2k

I brush the hair out of my face ,as I wake up to a empty house.The house was full of silence as my boyfriend Matt and his triplets brother had left the house already for some business meetings taking place at the ware house.I look at the clock on my phone 10:47am shit thats late for me and im still shattered i dont even feel like ive slept at all. Im awoken from my sleepy daze by my stomach rumbled ,I get up brush my hair quickly and head to the kitchen to get something to eat .

I raid the fridge and cupboards in search for something to eat , I decide to have chopped up lettuce,pickled gherkins and some jolly ranchers .I finish my breakfast and head to the couch to watch some TV ,as I sit down I see a note that's been left on the coffee table it said 'hey baby me Chris and nick have got a few more meetings today then what we thought might be abit later home will bring back some late lunch with us .Matt xxxx'. A smile is present on my face the whole time I read his quick note with my cheeks blushed , Matt's smallest actions can still have a massive effect on me even after being together for over a year now .

I flick through the channels as nothing can satisfy me , I decided to open the YouTube app and put some Sam and Colby on specifically the conjuring from last year's hell week .I'm half way through the video when all of a sudden I feel so nauseous I can feel it building in my stomach like a tornado swirling around inside of me , it starts of slow and the next thing I know I'm running to the nearest bathroom thankfully it's matt and i shared one .I throw the toilet seats up and fall to my knees and close my eyes as the first bit of vomit comes rushing up my throat and out of my mouth .I sit there for the next hour bringing up whats left of this mornings breakfast and last nights dinner.

After minutes of waiting for the sickness to come back .I decided to stand up and reach for my toothbrush and paste ,as I brush my teeth I start to think of anything that could of gave me a bug or if there was a stomach bug going around .After minutes I've came to know conclusion of my sickness when it hits me .....shit Matt and I are usually careful if we don't use a condom we pull out or we get the morning after pill but a while ago I joined the triplets on their 6 million subscribers video .During the night having all the huts to ourselves Matt and I decided to get the hut as far from nick and Chris as possible .It safe to say there was some very animalistic behaviour going on in our tent that night , in the heat of the moment no condom or pull out was used and I could exactly get plan b pill from the gift shop so we just left it and thought well it's not going to happen .

I decide that before I start to get myself worked up in a panic , I'll go to the shop and do a test before the boys get back .Once I feel like I won't be sick again I go and throw some leggings and a jumper on leaving my top to go bra-less as I'm reminded of some achiness in them .I throw some crocs on and grab my car keys as i head out .

*Arrives back from shop*

I walk back into the house and I'm thankful that it's still silent meaning I'm the only one here .This is my first ever pregnancy scare so I'm not expert , I end up buying 7 different tests and some mints to settle my stomach and yet some more gherkins.I wonder around the kitchen with my hands full of tests in search of a cup or container as i dont feel like peeing 6 different times .I decided to keep one unused so i can do it again with matt incase he doesn't believe me .After finding a disposable cup I drink 3 cups of water and walk around the house doing some cleaning while I wait for the water to hit my bladder .I feel a urge to pee and walk to the bathroom, I position the disposable cup where it's supposed to be and let me bladder do it's job I open all the tests and when I'm finished place the 6 sticks into the cup .I start pacing the bathroom but decided that wouldn't be the best thing to do in this situation .So I make my way to the kitchen and put a kettle on figuring that a hot drink may help my nerves while killing the time awaiting the tests.I walk back to the bathroom once then minutes are up and as I pull all the tests out I stand in shock as they all say the same ....I'm pregnant.

Fuck fuck fuck is the only word that is running in my head , what am I going to do ,what am I going to say , what's Matt going to say his career is at its prime right now what will a baby do with this .Fuck their triplets , twins run on my side of the family what if there's more then one baby in there .I hold onto one of the tests in my shaky hands as I pace the bathroom.After minutes of walking around the small white tiled room I decided to hide all the tests and put them in a draw in Matt and my bedroom and I decide to text matt.

Y/n: hey babe was just wondering do you know how long you're gonna be xx

My phone pings instantly telling me that most likely it woul be Matt had texted me back

Matt:yeah not long just grabbing some maccies won't be long everything okay at home ? Xx

Y/n: yeah just got something to talk to you about xx

I avoid my phone until he gets back .I'm startled as I hear the door fling open and just one set of foot steps ."y/n?" I hear his familiar voice Matt is calling after me ."in the living room" I shout back to him .Seconds later he appears looking as perfect as usual "where's Chris and nick?" I ask him "they was fucking around when we was supposed to be signing cards for merch getting sent out so they went back to the warehouse to do their signing , Laura is gonna drop them off later tho .What's this thing you wanna talk about?" I pause with words moving rapidly around my head trying to think of the right way to tell him that I'm now pregnant with his child .I decide that no words are the right words so I take him by the hand and lead him to the bathroom.

His body stills while his eyes move over what the tests all say .The room is silent , too silent."Matt says something " I say breaking the silence ."when did it happen" he says still not taking his eyes off the tests "at the safari , in the hut that night" I respond back to him "fuck" he mutters to himself as he storms out the door .I stand there in silence as my eyes well up with tears.I hear the jingle of Matt's car keys and the door slamming telling me that Matt had left again and gone in his car .I walk into the living room now numb with emotions my hand rests on my lower stomach now knowing that through the layers of skin and muscle is our baby ,my baby the size smaller then a bean in this moment I know that I've got to keep this baby wether Matt wants it or not .

Minutes pass and my nauseous feeling comes over me again as I run to the bathroom again.I spend all the best part of an hour again with my head in the toilet when I stand up again feeling weak at my knees I brush my teeth for the 3rd time today trying to get rid of the vile aftertaste left in my throat .I hear the door go again but i hear 3 set of footsteps this time ,and voices nick ,Chris and matts voice ."what are you gonna do bro?" I hear Chris ask Matt "I don't know"he responds "well you and y/n have gotta talk this out Matt you can't just leave her in the bathroom like you did last time " I hear nick snap at the boys .

"Y/n" I hear nick call out me ."I'm on the bathroom just about to come out" I shout back as I walk into the kitchen .Matt's angry stare softens as he seen my face , I'm now pale and clammy with my skin layered in a thin amount of sweat ."congratulations" Chris says breaking the tension in the room "thank you" I say with a half smile ."so I think you two have gotta talk about this" nick states ."I'm not getting rid of it" I say quickly that being the only thing I'm sure of right now ."I wasn't even going to suggest that" Matt says with anger in his voice .Nick ,places his hand up to Matt in a urge to shush him "calm Matt" he says to him."is it mine ?"matt asks me looking me in the eye "are you fucking kidding me" i say in the exact tone that matt has.Nick and chris take this as a hint and both excuse themselves to different rooms "yeah I'm being real" he says raising his voice , it being full with anger ."you're the only person I've slept with matt you know that" i say to him storming off into our shared room .

*Few hours later*

I hear a knock at the bedroom door hoping that it's Matt ."come in" I shout sounding optimistic.The door opens and nick strides in with a sorry smile on his face "so that was intense" he says as he sits down next to me on the bed "yeah" i agree with him ."so i dont know if this is the right thing to say but im really glad your'e keeping the baby" he says nudging my arm ."yeah i am too , i just hope that matt feels the same " i say smiling properly for the first time today ."alright its getting late so I'll leave you to sleep i heard creating a baby can be tiring "he says with a small laugh.

Just as nick leaves the room Matt enters it , he ignores me acting as if I'm not in the room as he goes to the wardrobe grabbing some spare pillows and duvet he walks back out of the room as I sit in bed listening to him getting comfortable on the sofa .I think to myself how much of a long night I'm in for I can never sleep properly when I'm not with Matt and even worse knowing that he's mad at me .As the thoughts come to my head added with the extra hormones that pregnancy has brought on my eyes start to fill with tears when they fall down my face .I have so many questions running over my head thinking how I'm going to bring up a baby by myself although nicks previous words bring some form of comfort to me .As the clock strike 4 am and im still wide awake and emotional i decide to head to the bathroom and take a calming bath .Im thankful that both nick and chris's rooms are on different levels as I run the tab the sound of water echos through the room .I rid of my clothes and get into the bath now full of bubbles I close my eyes in attempt to relax.

Suddenly my nauseousness creeps up on me again , who ever called morning sickness 'morning' has never experienced this cus it seems to be all throughout the day already .I jump up from the bath with my wet hair sticking to my body as I move quickly to the toilet I throw the lid up and sit on the floor as bile begins to leave my body .I startled as a soft towel is wrapped around my body ,I look up to see Matt crouching next to me with his eyes full of tears himself .His hand rubs circles on my back as I start gagging again ."let it out baby it's okay" he whispers I release bile 3 more times as I pull back and rest my head on Matt's shoulder as he pushes my hair out of my face ."come on let's go to bed and talk " he says so quietly careful not to wake his two brothers up .He stands up and picks me up bridal style still with the towel wrapped around me .He carries me to our bed and uses his foot to close the door as he places me gently on the bed .He goes to our wardrobe and fetches me some shorts and one of his tops , he helps me get dressed as my body is weak from the vomiting.Once I'm dressed I lay in bed as Matt walks over to the other side of the bed and jumps in to bed with me .I sit waiting for him to speak "y/n im sorry for what i said and done earlier i know that you would never cheat on me and id never ask you to get rid of it .Whatever you choose ill support you .Im sorry ive treated you like that when you needed me the most ..." I cut his speech off with a kiss "I know , I know babe and we're going to be fine I want to keep this baby tho" I say to him looking him in his eyes "we're going to be a mommy and daddy" he says to me smiling ."we best tell our parents" I say to him before falling asleep in his arms .

[illfoandillfie]

A Different Kind of Eduation: P Is For Pet Play (Chapter 13)

ADKoE MASTERLIST

Pairing: Professor!Roger Taylor x Fem!Reader

Series Summary: After being broken up with for not being kinky enough, Reader seeks out her professor to give her some private tutoring so she can win her boyfriend back.

Chapter Summary: Reader learns a few new tricks in Roger's latest lesson.

Warnings: Modern AU, smut (18+), slow burn romance, dom/sub dynamics, dom!roger and sub!reader, professor x student sex, dialogue heavy, role play, pet play, puppy play, training, holding, fingering, spanking, collar, butt plug, orgasm delay/cumming on command, a bit of degradation and humiliation

Words: 9951

A/N: I think writing is a winter sport for me. Which is part of why this chapter has been sitting at 85% finished for months. But, the weather is finally cooling down here in Aus and this chapter is finally done! I'm excited for ya'll to read it. Hopefully I've edited it enough lmao

(Also, apologies for any formatting weirdness, it's because tumblr now has rules about how many characters can be used before you have to put in a line break or whatever, so I had to go through and break up some paragraphs into smaller sections. It should still be okay but all my fics are also available over on Ao3 if you wanna read them that way)

As always *** indicates the smut scene.

Taglist: @labessieisallama @deakyclicks @jennyggggrrr @drowseoftaylor @i-cant-hangout-im-drumming @queenmylovely @ilovequeenmorethanyou @johndeaconshands @borhapbois @stardust-galaxies @cherries-n-rocknroll @rogersslave@scorpiogemini

@80s-roger @libsterslobsters @okilover02 @cjand10 @dealorgirl32 @youngpastafanmug @onceuponadetectivedemigod @zeida @demo-wise @yuillfandomqueen @tie-ur-mother-down @rogermyreligion​ 

(idk how many of you are still interested in this fic so if you want your name taken off let me know, or if anyone wants to be added i can also do that)

“Don’t you look professional,” Roger had teased, handing you a rather large glass of water in lieu of the wine you’d usually have, as you got settled in the study. You’d gone to his straight from work, so were a little more business casual than what he usually saw you wearing. The break from routine threw you off a little but mostly because you were too early for dinner so went straight to the study for your extra lesson. And you quickly got over it.

“So, pet play,” you’d said once you were settled, prompting Roger to start. “We touched on the basics last time,” he slipped easily into his teacher mode, seeming totally unphased by the change to routine, “but was there anything else you wanted to know?” You thought for a moment, “I guess I’m not totally clear on why people do it. And, like, you said it wasn’t always about having sex? I don’t really get how a scene with an animal can lead to sex but then also kink without sex sounds paradoxical.” “Very reasonable questions.” Roger tapped his whiteboard marker against his palm as he decided where to begin, “Last week I said that there were any number of reasons people might be drawn to role play and that includes pet play. Different people like it for different reasons. But I suspect thats not really what you were asking about.” You hummed and nodded your head, “Yeah, I guess my big question is why animals? Why don’t just do the naughty nurse thing or whatever.”

“Look, pet play isn’t something I am incredibly familiar with, certainly not when you compare it to other aspects of BDSM, so I can’t pretend to be an expert and I can really only speculate on some reasons people might be drawn to it. From what I’ve seen of it and the people I know who dabble in it, I think pet play offers an element of creativity that some other kinks don’t always seem to have. Creating your pet’s personality or even the costume you wear. Which isn’t to say roleplaying as anything else doesn’t also have those aspects, but I think for some people working out how to act like an animal can be more of a creative challenge or something more long term than your typical role play concepts. A person sinking money into animal inspired fetish gear is going to be inclined to revisit the role play multiple times, expanding on it, experimenting with it. But really, I think for most people, it’s not inherently about the animal, per se, but the animal opens up opportunities for exploration that other role plays may not. We established last week that part of what may draw people to role play is acting like someone else. You can be more demanding, or more sultry, or more adventurous than you regularly feel. Pet play just pushes that idea a bit further. Depending on the animal you choose and their temperament, it might be as far from you as you can possibly get.”

“Mmmm,okay,” “I know it seems a little contradictory to say it’s not about the animal while trying to explain why other role plays may not appeal the same way.” “Just a bit,” “It is important to keep that in mind though, especially while we discuss how pet play can be incorporated into a sexual dynamic. It’s not acting out bestiality. It’s about roles – someone being in control of someone else in a concrete ownership way – and it's about scenarios that connect with the chosen pet. The way people who take on a canine persona act will likely be vastly different from those that take on an equine persona. And the scenes they choose to play out will in all likelihood be quite different too. For instance, a pony play scene might be physically demanding to simulate a racing experience – being ridden, using a crop, that sort of thing – or it might be an exploration of breeding through a scenario where the horse is put out to stud, or, for those who are more into a show horse type aspect, it might be more about dressing up in costumes – masks and hoof mitts or leather bodysuits - and being shown off at live kink events, maybe even performing a dressage inspire routine.” “Sorry, hoof mitts?” “A type of bondage gear, not always used for pet play. Basically, they’re something submissives can wear over their hands or arms as a type of restraint. They make it impossible to hold or grab things and sometimes they can represent animal paws or hoofs.” “Jesus, alright.” Roger chuckled, “We really are only scratching the surface with these lessons. Anyway, another example, cow play also known by the term HuCow, a portmantau of human and cow. Any guesses what that might entail?” “If you say milking,” “Ding ding ding, we have a winner,” “No way,” you snorted.

Roger shrugged, “It’s not a crazy as it sounds. Lactation fetishes aren’t all that rare, which probably says something about the way breasts are viewed and sexualised but that’s a discussion for another time. But also, it doesn’t have to involve actual lactation, it could just be about squeezing the breasts or even “milking” a penis until it ejaculates. HuCow scenes can tick a number of boxes for people. Those with breast or pec fetishes might like it for the emphasis it can put on that part of the body. There is, like with pony play, a potential for exploring a breeding kink, both as a cow or a bull. You can also get into some gender based kinks like forced feminsation and the like. A male identifying person could be made to act as a female cow, maybe dress in a cow print bikini and have their nipples stimulated as if they were being milked.” “Huh. Okay, that’s very specific. I guess I can see why some animal role plays might appeal to people more than other ones would. So, if we did do something with pet play, would you um, like me to be a, a cow?” “If you were drawn to the idea, I’d be happy to explore that with you. But I was thinking something more along the lines of puppy play.” “So no milking?” you teased, hoping to cut through some of your awkwardness with humour.

Roger smiled, “No milking, no. The first thing that came to mind was a training type scene. It’s fairly classic in the world of puppy play but with good reason. Training is a big part of owning a puppy, reinforcing desired behaviours, teaching them what behaviour is acceptable, teaching them tricks. But training can also be part of many other kinks and sexual dynamic. Sometimes it’s intentional training, sometimes more subconscious in just aiming to handle more intense sensations or to explore wider within a preferred kink. Impact play fans might train to be able to enjoy being struck with a crop instead of just a paddle. Someone might do throat training to be able to deep throat more comfortably. A dom might train a submissive to say thank you after a spanking or to ask permission to cum before each orgasm. We’ve done some light anal training in that I gave you a plug and you wore it to help adjust to the sensation and so you could take me better that way. It’d be my hope that, if you were inclined to try it, a scene about training might be easier to enjoy than something more out there like milking. You don’t have to respond yet,” Roger hastened to add, “I still want to answer your second question before we even think about prac.”

You were relieved Roger didn’t require an immediate answer and that he hadn’t forgotten your initial questions because you weren’t sure you could make a decision without knowing more. But you supposed you could also see the logic in his idea and, the way he’d explained it, training didn’t seem as scary as some of the other things he’d mentioned.

“So the second part of your question is a little more complex.” He paused for a moment to gather his thoughts, “You were curious how pet play can lead to sex when one person is acting like a literal animal. The answer is, the same way any other kink can lead to sex. Remember, it’s not about the animal, it’s about the dynamics. Playing as owner and pet is often just a variation of dom and sub – there's the power element, control, the stuff we’ve talked about in nearly every lesson. And, like I said before, the person taking on the pet role is probably also taking on a different personality than normal so that can contribute to the sex. But a large part of the kink community, I would even hazard a guess that it’s the majority, would tell you that any kink can also be fun when there’s no sex involved. With pet play specifically, it’s a fun excuse to dress up, to play, or curl up with someone you care about and have a nap. It can be comforting to feel as if someone owns you when you wear a collar for them. There is tenderness in having your hair brushed and being petted, feeling looked after and cared for. Pet play can just be a different way to express affection for someone.” “Not gonna lie, that sounds kinda nice.” “It really is. That doesn’t just go for pet play either. It is entirely possible to be in a kinky partnership with someone and never have sex. You will find that every single kink we have covered, someone out there enjoys it in a non-sexual way. Bondage, impact play, sensation play, you name it. Though, of course, different people define sex differently and have different boundaries around it. Go to enough kink events and munches and you realise how wide the spectrums for these sorts of things are.”

“So like, they’ll just be tied up and not fuck?” Roger chuckled, “Yeah, sometimes it really is just about the sensations and emotions involved in being restrained. If you continue to explore kinks after, uh, well after we complete this course, you may find that kinks you considered challenging or uncomfortable become more enjoyable when penetrative sex, or any sexual touch at all, isn’t part of it. It’s just about experimenting and figuring out what you enjoy and then defining those boundaries.” You felt a little sad at the reminder that your tutoring would eventually stop but tried not to show it too much. You figured that, as much as Roger might say he enjoyed teaching you, he was probably also at least somewhat looking forward to their end, just to be done with the risks to his teaching position if nothing else.

“Now, not to completely undercut that idea,” Roger said, pulling your attention back to his lesson, “but, if you are curious and okay with trying pet play, I was intending on steering it in a more sexual direction. That is the core point of these lessons after all, to learn about kink and how to safely incorporate it into sex. Of course, it’s helpful to keep in mind that what I’m teaching you isn’t the only way to enjoy these kinks and that enjoying being spanked or called names or engaging in role play doesn’t require an enjoyment of any sort of sex; but sex is kind of what we’re here for.” “So what are you thinking then?” “I’ve already suggested puppy play but did you have any other ideas yourself? I don’t want to tell you what pet to be if there's an idea that interested you or something you’re more drawn to. Role playing as a pet might feel a bit different to role playing as my groupie, and I’d prefer you to be comfortable with the selection than just to do what I want.”

“I don’t know, um, I guess my only thought was just not a cow.” You gave a little shrug, feeling pleased when Roger laughed, “If you think puppy play is a good staring point for me, then I’m happy to go with that. How exactly would it lead to sex though? I’m still not sure I understand that part of pet play.” Roger hummed in thought, “I think obedience and training is a very easy way to incorporate sex into a puppy play scene. I can reward you with physical touch when you obey my orders, or punish you if you don’t. Remember, you’re not being a dog you’re taking on personality traits and actions that align with behaviour common to dogs, but you’re a consenting adult who likes being spanked, so, if you want that tonight, I can do it.” “I want it,” you said with an eager nod, the thought alone enough to make you squirm a little in your seat. Roger smiled, “Okay, good. So rewards and punishments can be an easy way to incorporate sex and other kinks. In addition to that though, I can order you to touch me, or to position yourself in particular ways with the intention of turning us both on. I can tell you to behave in ways that will make you feel humiliated or demeaned, which we both know you get off on, or incorporate degrading nicknames that feel thematically relevant, like calling you a bitch instead of a whore. Even just the act of being bossed around will probably contribute. And they don’t call it doggy style for nothing do they.”

You realised you were biting your lip, “I like the sound of that.” “I thought you might. Now there are a couple things to go over before we start, just so we’re both on the same page and know what to expect and what’s okay. Let me know if something doesn’t feel comfortable or doesn’t sound enjoyable okay?” You nodded expectantly, curious to hear what else Roger had in mind. “Now, while my intention is for this to involve sex, I do also understand how out of your comfort zone a lot of this is, so I’d want to ease you into it a bit and not focus on sex straight away. Um, I’m thinking that you’d be in just your underwear to start.” “Sounds pretty sexy,” you joked. Roger shook his head but he was clearly amused, “I never said it wouldn’t be sexy, just that it wouldn’t focus on sex right away. In addition though, and only if you’re comfortable with it, I have a collar with a lead that you can wear.”

You stomach flipped at the idea “Oh, um, a collar? Like a dog collar?” “Well, it looks sort of similar to one a actual dog might wear but it is definitely made for a human. I did mention collaring very, very briefly when we were looking at bondage. They can represent a few things but one of the more common reasons behind collaring a submissive is as a symbol of ownership. Not necessarily in a master/slave way, though of course it can be. But if the sub wore a collar to a kink event it would be a very clear signal that that person already has a dominant. And in private it can be a signal that they are still okay with submitting to their dom, that they’re willing to follow orders or participate in a scene.” “Could I maybe try it on first, see how it feels before I decide?” “Absolutely, when we’re done here I’ll get it for you. I’d have some specific expectations too around what you are and aren’t allowed to do, things that could contribute to punishments and rewards. Obviously obedience is a major part of this so my expectation is that if I order you to do something, you will do it. Of course, if something is way beyond what you feel comfortable with you can say your safe word,” “Pizzazz,” you said at his pause. “Very good, you can say pizzazz and we’ll stop. We can stop for good if you want or we can just use it as a pause in the scene to check in with each other and adjust things. Does that sound okay?” “Mmhmm, yeah, definitely.”

“Good. My other expectation is that you answer to puppy and pup. I may also use your name during the scene but I may decide to just call you pup, we’ll see how it feels in the moment. And in addition to that, I want you to respond accordingly to good girl or bad girl. Now, dogs can’t speak so I don’t expect to hear much talking from you unless I ask you a question and prompt you to answer with words, or of course if you want to safe word. You can make sounds though, whatever feels natural in the moment. If you feel like barking or whatever, go for it, but if that feels too weird don’t worry.” He gave you a reassuring smile, “Umm, anything else? Oh, yeah, uh, dogs also can’t walk on two legs,” he laughed a little, “So, I would also suggest that you crawl around on all fours. And if I ask you to fetch something you should carry it in your mouth where possible. Does that seem reasonable?” You readily agreed. Though the idea of crawling around hadn’t occurred to you initially, it made sense and you reasoned that being on the ground would probably contribute to feeling more puppy-ish, or at least more submissive.

“One final thing, and this is definitely not mandatory but I figured you might be into it. Do you want to wear a tail?” Your mind jumped straight to the box of dress up items your kindergarten class had had including dinosaur tails you could tie around your waist. Surely Roger had to mean something else, “Uhh, a tail?” Roger held up a finger, signalling you to sit tight, while he ducked out of the room. When he came back he held up a butt plug that, instead of tapering into the traditional shape on the outside end, was instead decorated with a fluffy tail. “These aren’t always used with pet play and there’s a few different varieties. Technically I think this one is meant to be a fox tail, but I only thought of it a few days ago so my options were limited. You can definitely get ones that aren’t so fluffy, ones shaped more like a cat or dog tail that are thinner, firmer. There are little fluff ball bunny tails, horse tails, you name it there's probably a plug out there. The question is, do you want to wear it?” Your decision came quickly, “I’ll wear it.” and then when Roger raised his eyebrows as if asking if you’d really thought it through you added, “I think it’s cute. And I think wearing a plug will help make me hornier which will help me get into the scene more.”

“Alright then,” Roger smiled, handing the plug over, “I also brought the collar over, if you wanted to have a look at it too before we start.” You nodded, though it made you much more nervous than the tail had, and gingerly took it from Roger. The leather was smooth and cool to the touch but the inside was lined with a softer material that you assumed was for the wearers comfort. It had a simple buckle clasp, much like a regular pet collar, and a heart shaped charm dangling from it where a name tag would be on a real dog collar. “Can you help me put it on?” Roger nodded moving behind you to buckle it around your throat. He was gentle, carefully fitting it and checking that it wasn’t too tight both verbally and by slipping two fingers under the collar, before he finally fastened it in place. You reached up to feel the soft leather, tilting your head in both directions as you adjusted to the sensation of it. Your fingers slipped down to the heart charm, the metal cool against your skin, and you felt your own heart quicken a little. You put it down to a few nerves now that you were on the verge of trying pet play, though you couldn’t totally forget what he’d said about ownership. Belonging to Roger didn’t sound too bad.

“What do you think of it?” “I don’t mind it. It’s not as uncomfortable as I guess I thought it might be. I guess I probably wouldn’t want to wear it all the time but for a specific scene I think I’m okay with it.” “Does that mean you’re interested in trying a pet play scene?” “Might as well,” you laughed. You knew he was checking for good reason, that he was just trying to be safe, but it was tempting to remind him you’d not once backed out of a practical lesson, “I don’t necessarily think it’ll be super my thing but I am curious enough to try it out.” “Alright, sounds good. Why don’t you go to the bathroom and get ready then, there's lube in the cabinet over the sink. Just give me a shout when you’re good to go.” You nodded, feeling surprisingly calm, and collected the tail from where you’d set it aside on the desk.

It took you a little while to get ready – a few minutes to compose yourself once you were alone, the idea of acting like a dog suddenly sounding much more ridiculous than Roger had made it sound, and then of course there was the plug to sort out. The collar was a slight distraction too. Not because it was uncomfortable or difficult to wear, though you couldn’t exactly forget it was there either. But the sight of it in the mirror would make you stop, your fingers rising to run over the leather. You were kind of amazed that it didn’t feel worse. You’d also dithered about for longer than you might have needed to, trying to decide if you should leave your bra on or discard it since you’d had to forgo your knickers to wear the tail. Roger would probably appreciate it, if not prefer it, if you were totally naked. But then again, the bra would keep your boobs in place which was probably preferable while you were crawling around on all fours. In the end, you kept the bra on though you’d first asked Roger his preference when he met you at the bathroom door. “It’s up to you,” Roger had said patiently, “although, I think I’m much more likely to cum prematurely and ruin my pants if you’re totally naked. Going to have a hard enough time as is.” He’d dropped his eyes deliberately to your cunt and you’d shifted where you stood, knowing he’d know if you squeezed your thighs together but tempted to do it all the same.

He let his gaze linger on your lower half, as if daring you, before he finally tore his eyes away, “Are you ready?” “Yeah,” you nodded, “I think so.” “Okay, then on the ground for me.” You lowered yourself to your knees right there in the hallway, and then to your hands. The carpet was a little rough against your knees and palms, the tail tickling the back of your thighs, but it was easy following Roger’s instructions and you waited for the next one, hoping he’d keep making it easy for you. “Good girl.” He leaned over you as he said it, a soft metallic sound drawing your attention though you kept as still as you could. “Time for walkies,” he announced as he straightened, “Go on pet.” You crawled down the corridor, your heart thumping as you realised just what a view you were giving Roger as he fell into step behind you. You weren’t sure where exactly Roger expected you to go but made an educated guess it would be the bedroom since that was where you usually ended up. It was open when you reached it which you figured meant you were right, however, before you could enter you felt the collar being tugged from behind and Roger tutted, making you stop. A leash was clutched in his hand when you turned to look. “Not in there pet. The lounge,” You nodded, readjusted your direction and set off again, practically able to feel Roger’s eyes on your arse and wondering if the tail was hiding much from view.

When you crawled through the doorway of the lounge, you were pleased to find Roger had spent his time getting the room ready. The coffee table had been dragged aside, pushed up against the wall so it wouldn’t be in the way, and the curtains had all been drawn so there was no chance of any nosey neighbours seeing anything, a couple of lamps softly lighting the room instead. But that wasn’t all he’d prepared. “You wanna play pup? Go get your ball,” Roger pointed towards the far side of the room where a fuzzy tennis ball sat on the floor, as he took a seat on the couch. You obediently crawled around the couch to the ball, lowering your head to pick it up with your teeth. But you paused a few inches from it.

“Uh, woof?” you said, feeling rather self-conscious, but wanting to get Roger’s attention. You succeeded, which you could tell by the way he was stifling a laugh, “Yes?” “This ball hasn’t been anywhere near a real dog, right?” Roger shook his head, “Brand new. I’m not that sadistic.” “Just checking,” you smiled, before picking the ball up between your teeth. You hadn’t experimented with gags in any of your lessons with Roger, at least not yet, but you had to imagine wearing a ball gag would feel similar to carrying this tennis ball like you were. It forced you to keep your mouth open, made it difficult to swallow which meant you could feel yourself getting drooly as you crawled back towards Roger. He held out his hand and you dropped the ball into it, finding it difficult to ignore how being on the ground put you closer to his cock. It was a small step from noticing that to realising Roger was beginning to stiffen, and then to realise he was probably at least partly aroused from seeing you drooling with a stuffed mouth and naturally you couldn’t help but wonder if he intended to use your mouth at all.

“Good girl,” Roger cooed, no idea what was going on through your head, as he reached out with his free hand to stroke your hair like he was patting a dog. You couldn’t help but lean into his touch, the praise making you feel warm and pleased and eager to earn more, although your instant reaction to Roger’s positive reinforcement made you think maybe he’d had a point when he suggested puppy play. You were turning into Pavlov’s bloody dog, getting aroused whenever Roger praised you. “Alright, pup, you ready to learn some tricks?” You gave an affirmative hum, hoping he’d find it an acceptable response and not demand you bark instead. Thankfully he seemed fine with any non-verbal response because he smiled and moved toward the centre of the room, dropping down to his knees, “Here girl.” At a click of Roger’s fingers you crawled over to join him, earning another good girl but this time the praise was accompanied by his touch. His fingers dipping between your legs to rub your exposed cunt.

“I’m glad you chose the tail over your knickers,” he said softly, “Think you might be too,” he added as he drew his fingers away, the tips glistening with your slick. You whined in response and nodded. Roger gave you a wink and then he was back to business, “Alright pup, we’re going to learn a few tricks today. Let’s start with an easy one, sit.” You weren’t a hundred percent sure what Roger wanted but you thought the most likely option was to rest back against your heels. “So close, pet,” Roger cooed, his hands firm on your knees as he directed you to open them, “Gotta keep your legs spread so I can reward you properly. Let’s try again, all fours now.” You felt a little annoyed at yourself for not realising, and hurried to obey him, eager to show you could get it right.

“Sit,” You sat back again, your arse against your heels, the plug being pressed firmly into you, your knees open. Roger took full advantage of your position, his fingers slipping between your pussy lips as he praised you again, drawing a soft moan from you. The sound of pleasure seemed to be Roger’s signal to withdraw his fingers, “Time to learn another trick, pup. When I tell you to beg I want you to sit just like this but put your paws up,” He physically directed you as his spoke, positioning your hands at chest height, elbows bent, fingers curved over your palms. “And whine so I know you need something.” You felt a little silly but whining wasn’t too hard since you did want him to keep touching you. “Such a smart puppy girl,” Roger said as he rewarded you again, each stroke of his fingers making you more eager to have him inside you. “Right, we’re gonna learn another trick now. Lay down.” You bit back a disappointed groan as he removed his touch again, and did as you assumed he wanted, stretching out on your front.

“Roll over,” Perhaps the increasing horniness was hindering your thought process because for a moment you didn’t understand what Roger meant. Did he want you to roll across the floor to the other side of the room? How would that be arousing for him? The whole situation seemed suddenly ridiculous and you forgot you weren’t meant to speak, “Really?” “Pup,” Roger’s tone was warning, “Do what I say now. Roll over.” “Sorry Sir,” you hurried to say as you prepared to roll yourself across the room until he told you to stop, still not sure why he’d be turned on by such a thing but willing to find out. But a full 360-degree turn was not what Roger had in mind. He stopped you once you were on your back, his eyes raking over your bra clad chest and then down to your bare cunt. You felt yourself blushing, partly from how he was staring and partly because you felt silly for thinking he’d jack off to you literally rolling around. Turning onto your back made much more sense.

Roger shuffled a little closer on his knees, “When I say roll over, this is what I want to see. But next time I expect you to put your arms and legs up too.” Once again he directed you as he explained, guiding your limbs into the air, knees and elbows bent. “This way I can see everything I own.” He gently parted your knees a little further so he could easily stoke between them, toying with your clit. “I can properly reward you for following my orders. Or punish you for speaking out of turn.” You yelped as he suddenly spanked your pussy but he was quick to sooth the pain, or at least distract you from it as his fingers dipped into your entrance. You moaned, willing Roger to press deeper, to give you more, catching yourself right before you’d added his name and a potentially pathetic, “please”.  Begging would only work if you kept your words to yourself. But at that moment Roger seemed inclined to reward you, his other hand coming up to rub your clit again as he started working his fingers further into you.

His paused again as his phone began to ring from where he’d left it forgotten on the couch. He rolled his eyes, “ignore it, it can go to voicemail.” You nodded, trying to block out the ringtone and focus on how Roger was touching you, his fingers pressing deeper and faster as if he were trying to make up for the annoyance of the phone. "Finally” Roger muttered under his breath as the call rang out and the phone fell silent. His fingers were still plunging into you, stroking you just right, pushing you closer to release. Your moan broke off in a disappointed squeak as Roger unexpectedly withdrew his hand, his mobile sounding once more. “Jesus,” he sighed exasperatedly as he shuffled on his knees until the still trilling phone was within reach, hastening to deny the call. “Right, where were we?” his voice softened slightly as he turned back to you but a moment later he was swearing as his landline began to ring. You sighed and let your limbs drop to the floor, craning your neck to look at Roger upside down, “Maybe you should take that.” “I should’ve taken the bloody thing off the hook,” he rubbed the bridge of his nose, “Alright pup, sit.” You dutifully scampered back to your knees, taking up the position he’d taught you. “Stay.” You smiled in acknowledgment, a little amused he was continuing with the role play.

Waiting was easier said than done.  Roger’s home phone was corded but the distance from where it hung to the doorway of the lounge was close enough that he could remain on the line whist he paced into your field of view and then back out. You caught snippets of the conversation – heard him apologise for missing the call and that he had company – and tried to work out who had called. “Mmhmm,” Roger hummed as he moved back into the doorway, “Well look now's not really a great time for m-. No, of course not.” Roger rolled his eyes and then threw you an apologetic glance.  You smiled back, his constant walking making you too wary to move from your position. He’d told you to sit and stay after all, he’d definitely notice if you rearranged yourself. But the longer the phone call went on, the more uncomfortable you became. Your knees grew stiff and you had to wiggle around to keep from getting pins and needles. Without Roger there egging you on, keeping you in the moment, stimulating you, the whole puppy thing started to feel even more silly than it had at the start. You couldn’t deny you were wet (it was hard to ignore) but you felt that was probably more to do with Roger than the scene itself. Although, perhaps you weren’t being totally fair in your judgement due to your current rising discomfort. You pondered the lesson so far, trying to work out how exactly you felt about pet play and how it was Roger could so affect you, trying to subtly shift yourself without being noticed. The tail plug was much closer to the forefront of your mind now, firm on one end and tickling you from the other and you were starting to feel a little chilly, close to naked as you were, but worst of all was the sudden realisation you needed to pee.

When Roger next crossed in front of the doorway you waved to get his attention and tried to tell him you were going to the bathroom with a lot of pointing. He didn’t seem to understand but he did seem amused, leaning in the doorway and holding up a palm to signal you to stay. You frowned and whined softly. Roger smirked as he said, “oh, I totally understand,” to whoever had called. He seemed to enjoy tormenting you because he stayed there, watching as you squirmed, and you were sure he was letting the conversation go on unnecessarily. At first you tried to beat him at his own game, attempting to ignore your growing need, but that just made you think about it more. You whined in desperation, louder than you’d meant to. As soon as you realised that Roger had heard the sound your attention snapped back to him. He chuckled into the reciever, “Nah, I’m dog sitting at the moment. No, no, I can see her from here, she's fine.”

It was mortifying to think someone else had heard you and you blushed as you pouted at Roger, but he seemed more amused than moved as he revealed he still had the tennis ball and rolled it towards you. At first you just let it sit where it had come to a stop near your knee but Roger clicked his finger and pointed at it. With a sigh you bent over, shuffling back a little so you could pick it up with your mouth again. Roger hummed into the receiver before mouthing a clear, “good girl,” at you. Unsure what exactly Roger wanted, you tentatively made to crawl towards him, but he stopped you with a raised palm. It seemed he wanted you to just sit there and wait, feeling yourself beginning to drool from the ball in your mouth, but unable to forget your bladder despite your arousal. Finally it became too much and you steeled yourself to beg for permission.

At first you stayed quiet, raising your hands to the position Roger had shown you, adjusting your posture so your back was straight and your chest was pushed towards him in the hopes it’d help persuade. Roger just looked at you expectantly and you realised he wanted you proper humiliated. Squeezing your eyes shut you whined into the tennis ball still between your lips. It took another louder whine before Roger became convinced. “Hold on one sec, I think she needs to go outside.” If you hadn’t been so embarrassed and distracted you’d have given Roger credit for doing such a remarkable job sounding natural when there was so much laughter in his eyes. He disappeared for a second as he placed the phone down, returning with a snort. “It’s not funny,” you pouted, holding the tennis ball out to Roger. “It is a bit,” but he took the ball from you, “What are you begging for?” “I need to go to the bathroom.” “Ask me again if you can go.” “Can I go?” Roger casually threw the ball to himself, “Dog’s can’t talk. Ask me properly.”

Silently cursing Roger, you let out another whine, trying to make it sound pathetic and desperate. “Doesn’t sound like you need it that badly. Maybe I should make you hold it until I’m through with my phone call.” You whimpered at the thought and raised yourself a little higher on your knees, hoping Roger would be open to some bargaining. He was standing close enough that you only had to shuffle forward a little to be able to rub your face along the front of his pants, whining and whimpering and pausing every now and again to look up at Roger and check he was understanding. If his arousal had diminished during the break, it was quickly returning. You could feel him as you mouthed around his fly, licking and panting against his hidden length. “Oh she is desperate.” He teased, crossing his arms over his chest (which you assumed was to stop himself from grabbing you). “She must be if she’s offering to suck me off.” You nodded, sucking on some of the fabric near his tip. Roger hummed, “I do love putting my cock in your mouth. Unfortunately,” he stepped back, “I have a call to finish up. I want you back here and sitting like a good girl by the time I’m done.” “Thank you thank you thank you,” You scrambled to your feet, pausing just long enough to kiss Roger’s cheek before you hurried past him to the bathroom. “Sorry that took so long,” you heard him say as he picked up the phone again, “Continue.”

When you returned to the lounge, bladder in a much more comfortable state, Roger had taken a seat on the couch and was looking at his mobile. “That was so mean!” you said, moving towards him and perching yourself on the arm of the chair, very aware you still wore the tail plug. Roger laughed, “But you were such a good girl. And I like hearing you whine.” “Should make you hold it, see how whiney you get.” You immediately realised what you’d said and felt your face warm. But Roger seemed flustered too. There was a definite flush on his cheeks when he said, “We both know I’d be into it,” that made the statement all the more sincere and not at all the deflection he was aiming for.

“So would you also be a puppy? Or a different animal?” You asked, your curiosity beating out your embarrassment. “Roger thought for the moment, “I think I prefer being a cat. I like to be pampered.” You giggled and, without thinking, reached out to scratch the top of his head like you’d scratch behind a cat’s ear. Roger leaned into your touch. “And, um,” you didn’t know what to do next and tried to cover the awkwardness with a question, “what would you differently as a kitten compared to a puppy?” “Well,” Roger shifted his hips, “a lot of the basics are similar – with both of them you can have the pet drink water from a bowl or play with toys. With a kitten I’d expect grooming to be part of it, like brushing my hair. If I wanted to still be more dominant whilst being kitteny, I might stalk you around the house and pounce on you. But usually if I’m acting as the pet I prefer to be on the subbier side, just being petted and pampered... maybe encouraged to lick my owner.” You felt even more embarrassed at the hints about oral but the thought did cross your mind that perhaps you would enjoy such an act more if it was occurring at your command. Doing it because you felt it was expected or simply to please a lover felt embarrassing and awkward but if you felt in control of it maybe it would be easier to enjoy the sensations. Roger had proven you could enjoy it if certain conditions were met, perhaps being blind folded and dommed wasn’t the only way.

*****

It was only then you realised your hand was still in Roger’s hair, absentmindedly playing with it, and your thoughts switched from how it might feel to order him to go down on you to what other parts of him you could be petting and stroking. Roger was watching you as closely as he could, enjoying the sensation of your fingers in his hair, but whatever was going through his own mind he kept to himself. However his rapidly stiffening cock gave him away a little. You withdrew your hand suddenly which seemed to be a signal for Roger to get the lesson back on track. “And what about my puppy? Are you still okay with it?” You nodded, “Yeah, lets keep going.”

“Alright, well I really should punish you for getting back here late. You were meant to be done before my phone call finished.” “That’s unfair,” “No, that’s the rules. But maybe you can convince me you’re still a good girl. On the floor, now.” You quickly dropped to your hands and knees, as eager to prove yourself as you were to distract yourself from the weird moment you’d just shared. “Alright, lets see how much you remember. Sit.” You quickly moved into position. “Beg.” You put your hands up and made a small whimpery whine. “Roll over. Good girl.” Each time you followed an order Roger had rewarded you with some brief touch- squeezing your breasts through your bra, letting his fingertips trail seductively along your body, teasing your clit, but it never lasted long enough. “Clever pup,” Roger’s voice was low and gravelly, “back to all fours.”

You were a little surprised, even a little put out that, that he’d not climbed over you, not taken his cock out of his pants, not made any move to fuck you. Thankfully he decided it was a good time to move things along, standing up so you got a good view of just how aroused he was, and moving to kneel behind you. It meant he could better feel you up, able to reach the parts he wanted to touch most with greater ease, his fingers firmer than they had been before. You became a little breathless, the combination of the series of tricks he’d had you perform with how his fingers felt running over and between your pussy lips. Your breathing came harder and before you knew it, you were panting in anticipation, your tongue sticking out over your bottom lip. “Fucking hell,” Roger said softly, “Okay pup, show me just how horny you are,” he pushed lightly between your shoulders, guiding you to lower your chest and raise your hips, presenting your arse and cunt to him. He still wasn’t in a particular rush though, opting to tease you a little more first. Roger started by stroking the tail you wore and making the plug shift within you before reaching for your cunt again. “Someone enjoyed being my pet, didn’t they pup?” You whined and nodded against the floor, trying to push back against Roger’s fingers.

He chuckled at how eager you were and allowed two fingers to slip inside you, working them in and out until he could comfortably fit a third. You moaned as he stretched you, trying to help by rocking back against his fingers as much as he would allow. It was distracting enough that you nearly missed the sound of Roger’s zip coming down as he hurried to get himself ready with his free hand. “Been such a good girl,” he grunted as he one handedly worked his pants down a little further, “Gonna get a very big reward.” You whimpered as his fingers left you, but you knew they’d soon be replaced by something even better though waiting for it was almost torture, especially when Roger used the slick you’d left on his hand to lube his cock. Thankfully he was more interested in fucking you than toying with you any longer and he only stroked himself a couple of times before he began to sink into you. Your breath hitched as his head pressed into you but it was quickly followed by a moan, echoed by Roger as he sank into your warmth.

He went slow to start, carefully pulling partway out and easing himself back in, testing to make sure you were wet enough that he could move comfortably. He grunted as he sank deeper, “Take me so well, sweetheart. Must really love feeling owned with how fucking wet you are.” You shivered as Roger leaned forward, his gravelly voice getting closer as his cock seemed to push even deeper, the sensations all capped off with a sudden sharp pinch as he lowered his head and bit a spot on your side. It made you yelp, more from surprise than anything else, but you felt yourself clench around his length too. When he straitened up again he was chuckling, “Oh pup, you make it so easy for me.” His hands slipped back to your waist, one gently caressing your arse as he moved the tail aside, and gave a quick tug, pulling you into him.

Your breath hitched as he suddenly completely filled you, but he barely gave you time to remember how to breathe before he pressed in again. The temperate test thrusts Roger had given became quick and hard as if his eagerness to have you had won out over his self-restraint from moments before. “Oh fu-u-u-ck,” you moaned, voice jolting as his cock filled you again and again, a rapid pace you had no hope of matching. Your arse suddenly stung as Roger lay a loud slap that made you squeal. “No talking, remember. Still my pup.” You whimpered as he gave you another slap to drive the point home. “Just my horny bitch,” he grunted, “Who practically goes into heat whenever she sees me.” A third slap was swiftly followed by a rough thrust, making you whine and then moan. For a moment Roger shifted all his efforts into his hips, making you squeal with each hard stroke of his cock,  but then he eased off and another string of slaps landed against you. He made it clear that the spanks were for being late as well as speaking out of turn, which only seemed fair when they felt so good. And then, once he was satisfied, he focused once again on fucking you senseless.

At first you were worried you’d slip up again, accidentally say a word instead of keeping your vocalisations to simple noises of pleasure, and in doing so bring forth another run of spanks that would make you clench but delay the orgasm you wanted. But it quickly ceased to be a factor. Between Roger’s cock filling you just right and him giving a new order to rub your clit, it was nearly impossible to even think of a real word let along get your mouth to form them. Even when he slowed his thrusts down again you were in little danger of saying anything comprehensible. That was when he decided to put the tail plug to a more specific use than just decoration, spitting on your arsehole so he could fuck you with it. Really all you could do was take what he was giving, whining and moaning, and eventually cum. He did make you work for it though, panting as he told you to wait for permission. You’d never been made to wait for it before, at least not in this way, and you let your fingers slow their motions around your clit, afraid of hitting your release too fast. But the barrage of stimulation from the plug and Roger’s cock were enough to get you close. You squeezed your eyes shut and whimpered loudly, hoping Roger would understand what it meant.

“Cum, pet” You couldn’t do it immediately but you hastily worked your fingers over your clit again, so close but not quite tipping over the edge. You jolted with another spank, “I told you to cum.” Roger’s voice was low, a little breathless but entirely in control. You whined, as you tried to do what he wanted, though your fingers felt stiff and clumsy. There was another spank and then Roger pressed the plug into you, holding it down as he rammed his cock deep. Perhaps it was the shock of both combined with your frantic rubbing, or maybe he just managed to hit the right spot at the right time, but you couldn’t help but tighten suddenly, moaning and shaking as you fell into your orgasm. “There you go,” he grunted, giving the plug a little jiggle to keep you stimulated as you came. You would have fallen limp if you’d been in another position, but Roger was still filling you and his grip was once again tight on your hips which kept your knees from giving out. Instead you just twitched from the aftershock, and whined when you felt him slowly pull back and sink in again. “Stay there, pup, I need to cum too.” The breath you’d only just begun to catch caught in your throat as Roger resumed fucking you, going neither as hard as he had or as slow as you might have liked. He didn’t bother with the plug though, focusing only on how your wet cunt felt around his cock. Thankfully it wasn’t long before he was holding himself deep, the grunts he’d made on each thrust giving way to moans as he came within you.

*****

“Good girl,” Roger said softly, tapping your thigh gently as he pulled out. He shuffled out from behind you, moving to your side as he tucked himself away, and then sat heavily down on the floor. You allowed yourself to sag too and, knees a little sore, lowered yourself onto your back. “Do you want a hand up?” “In a minute,” you sighed, the thought of getting up too much to contemplate immediately, “Have you got anything I can cover myself with?” “You mean you don’t want to lie naked on my living room floor?” Roger quipped, simultaneously reaching for a throw that was decorating the couch and then grabbing a cushion as well. You just laughed, tucking the cushion under your head, “Seems a bit unfair that you get to wear pants is all.” “Thats the perks of being the dom.” He tapped you teasingly with his foot, “How’d you find it all?” “It was interesting,” you thought for a moment before continuing, “I think it’s another kink that like wouldn’t be the first thing I would think of but isn’t a hard no either. Like, I think it’s probably the stupidest I’ve felt during one of our lessons...well maybe the queening beats it, but still, I felt like a fucking tit at first.” Roger laughed, “You got into it though.” “Yeah I did. And I definitely understand it better now, but it wasn’t my favourite.”

He hummed thoughtfully looking over at you with a soft expression you couldn’t quite pinpoint, “That’s similar to how I feel about pet play too. I can be into it with the right person and stuff, but it’s not a go to of mine.” You lay in a comfortable silence for a moment, considering things. Logically you knew Roger had favourite kinks and scenes he preferred over others, but it wasn’t something you’d properly thought of before. Maybe because he was so confident and capable at everything he’d taught you so far, it felt like all of them were his favourites. After a moment Roger interrupted your thoughts, “Hey, you okay? Not too overwhelmed?” “No, not at all, just thinking.” You pushed yourself onto your elbows to better see Roger, “Are you good?”

“I am,” Roger smiled, scooting a little closer. “Did you have any other questions regarding pet play? Anything you’re still curious about? “Uhhh, yeah I guess so, um,” you instantly felt awkward as you tried to phrase your question, “When you wanted me to, uh, finish when you told me to....what was that about?” Roger chuckled, “I s’pose I should have been ready for that question since we’ve not actually touched on it in a lesson. I guess it’s mostly closely related to orgasm delay or orgasm denial. Have you heard of them before?” “Maybe? I think I’ve seen denial mentioned online.” “Well, basically it’s when you delay or stop yourself or your partner from having an orgasm. There’s a bunch of different reasons to play with it and ways to do it. With our scene, because we’d spent so long working on you obeying commands and performing certain actions when told to, I thought it would make sense, and be kind of hot, if you came on command too. I’d be happy to do a full lesson on it next time if you want.”

“That does sound interesting but if I remember your curriculum plan thing correctly, shouldn’t we be getting to CNC next?” “Oh so now you’re paying attention to my curriculum huh?” Roger sat up straighter and, sensing the shift to a more serious topic, you followed, letting the blanket drop since you were wearing your bra. “That was my plan yes. And of course we can stick to that original plan if you feel ready to move on. But I’m also happy to spend more time on other kinks first, even just other role plays. We could play doctor.” You laughed, “Tempting offer, I think you’d make a pretty hot doctor. But I do think I’d like to learn at least the theory of CNC. It feels like an important topic and I think I’d prefer to do it sooner rather than later.” Roger sighed softly, “You’re right, we should cover it so we don’t run out of time. I’m just very conscious that this is a heavier topic than anything else we’ve covered. Some parts of it might get tough. And I really want to make sure to approach it with the right amount of gravity, without making it seem super scary.” You placed a hand on his knee, “I know that, and I appreciate it a lot.” Roger gave you a soft smile before another slight sigh, “I that case, yes, next lesson will be looking at consensual non-consent. I have been thinking about this lesson a lot actually and I had an idea of something we could a bit different, especially if you decide to go ahead with a practical lesson after we cover the theory.” “Different how?” Your question came out of curiosity not concern since you trusted that Roger’s ideas would be about your safety, but you couldn’t think of any ways to change what you were doing. “Well, because we’d potentially be role playing a non-consensual sexual encounter, I thought it might be a good idea to do it somewhere else.” “Like where? A hotel or something?” “No, no, nothing so public. Um, I have a little cottage a couple of hours out of the city. It was a family holiday house, but it doesn’t get used for that as much now. I thought we could go there for the weekend.”

Your breath caught at the idea of going away with Roger but you did your best to keep your voice steady, not too excited, as you asked, “How come?” "Well firstly, the neighbours are a little further away there so there’s much less risk of anyone misinterpreting whatever scene we would potentially be playing out and calling the cops on us. Plus, no one there would recognise you’re my student if they did see us together. Not to make it sound like some sort of bachelor pad or sex dungeon, but the last few times I’ve been there it has been for kink hookups so, even if we were spotted together, they’d probably just assume I’m bringing another girl over. Plus, because we are looking at CNC, a more unfamiliar location might help make the scene better. Assuming that we did that. Even if we went away, I wouldn’t expect you to participate in an actual CNC scene if you didn’t feel fully comfortable doing so.” You nodded but didn’t say anything, your stomach flipping uncomfortably with a mix of nerves about how serious Roger was being and excitement at the idea of going on a weekend trip with him. “But, more importantly, I want you to still feel safe in this house. I know CNC is technicaly what we’ve been building to but, since you’re so familiar with the curriculum, I’m sure you remember that it isn’t the last topic I suggested. I know I’m repeating myself but I’m happy to explore any kinks we haven’t covered or revisit kinks we have in the last weeks before the wedding, and I want you to feel okay doing that. CNC can be tough, it can be scary. It can play with sensations and emotions related to rape. And the last thing I want is for you to feel like I have raped you in what was previously a safe space. By moving the lesson to a different location, we could hopefully contain everything in a place that you won’t have to return to.” You nodded soberly, “That sounds good.” “Okay, well then, this weekend?” “Yeah, this weekend.”

[dragonroilz]

Hey there! I've come across your art ever since I got into Risk of Rain 2 (better late than never, I've been sleeping on this game for years, jesus), and I'm enamoured with it, to say the least. Is there any advice you could perhaps give for an aspiring artist?

you're getting an essay whether you like it or not.

tl;dr of it if you dont want to read

- learn how to take critique

- dont skip fundamentals

- tracing is okay*

- be mindful when drawing

- you wont see good results for a long time

ok firstly, glad you like my art! i try my best on pretty much everything i make so the compliment is greatly appreciated!!

secondly, you have NO clue how much i love yapping about how to draw. im not an expert on how-to-draw-ology but i like to think i know enough to help other people not swing in the dark when it comes to getting better.

learning how to take criticism is THE most important part. not getting butthurt or at least listening to peoples critiques when they mean well is critical to improvement because its specialized advice for you. you have no clue how many young and/or new artists have gotten mad at me for giving critique when they specifically asked me for it. if youre looking to improve you gotta bite that bullet. not all criticism is valid(dont listen to people who are just tryna make you upset), but good and valid criticism can come from anyone. dont unvalidate someone's critique just because theyre not an artist or "not as good" as you. try and get as much feedback as you can and move onto the next piece instead of fixing something to perfection. you will get obsessed in a very destructive way.

learning fundamentals is another step to getting better. that means actually learning perspective, hands, anatomy, and all of the other stuff people hate drawing. its like lifting weights. most people dont like it but if you want to get stronger you need to put in the time to do the painful stuff.

chris christodoulou(ror's composer) actually made a similar comment about the topic of improvement in his field that was along the lines of "if you want to write music, stop playing video games and read a book". he got a lot of shit for saying that but honestly its true.

you need to treat art as a discipline if you want to get better at it. draw as much as you can for as long as you can before it becomes a health hazard. when im not resting i tend to draw at least three hours a day, not counting the 3 to 6 hours additional hours a day i draw during college. obviously a beginner doesn't need to draw that much but drawing daily is a good start.

if you want resources on where to look for fundamentals, Sinixdesign and Ethan Becker were who I turned to for advice that is relevant to the industry. There's definitely others out there but I tend to do more self studying so i don't know the more recent stuff.

something that they'll bring up is that tracing isn't bad AS LONG AS YOU DONT POST IT AND CLAIM IT AS YOUR OWN. it's a good way to see how other people deal with stylization, but its absolutely not okay to post that stuff online. treat it like how traditional painters do master studies. its for your own education, not clout. and you shouldn't be drawing for clout anyway.

last but not least, draw what you love and you'll always love drawing. dont be afraid to hyperfixate and lose interest in things. it will help you continue your art journey. a lot of people in my art school have little to no motivation to draw outside of college because they have no interest in drawing outside of assigned work, which is not a great relationship to have with art if you want to pursue it in the long run. draw what you want to draw when the motivation hits you. if that motivation is risk of rain? draw it. if it's leg muscles then fuck yeah draw that too.

you can stick fundamental practice into your casual art by being mindful of what you are drawing. that can be done by asking questions about what's going on to further the progress of your art. its kind of hard to explain in text, but its basically just keeping in mind how your lines influence the piece.

in the beginning youre going to have ideas and none of them are going to translate to paper. its going to take years before anything will ever compare to whats in your brain and thats just the sucky part. ive been drawing seriously for about 5 or 6 years and theres still a ton of shit i do NOT wanna touch but i have to if i want to improve.

we're all sisyphus pushing that goddamn stupidass boulder and the only thing we can do is acknowledge how far we've come while still knowing that there's more work to be done. but thats kind of the shit that i live for.

[loemius]

hi! just wanna say that your blog looks super interesting and i'm glad i came across it 😊 i'm wondering if you have any advice for someone new getting into hellenic polytheism. i have been really delving into my views on spirituality and religion for the first time in my life over the past year. i've been venerating Hekate a lot because of the deep calling i feel towards her. i've been thinking more and more about properly worshipping the other gods in the pantheon as well. i've always been very interested in all the mythology too. it feels right to start on so many levels but i am also so nervous at the same time :')

khaire!! thank you very much for your ask!! i'm very touched that you enjoy my blog so much and would ask for my advice. i'd love to give you some, with the caveat that i am absolutely not an expert or an authority and still have a lot to learn myself. i'm literally just a guy who loves the theoi a lot and does my best to worship them and honor them. this got very long so im gonna put this under a cut

first, i would encourage you to work past your nervousness. remember that historically speaking, children worshipped the theoi! there's plenty of evidence of this, from the rituals that youths would do as they became adults (such as cutting a lock of hair and offering it to the river [see iliad book 23 and pausanias 2.32.1 for primary sources on this, as a starting point]) or epithets like kourotropos (roughly translated to 'child nurturer', many theoi have this epithet, including hekate!). don't be scared of them. the theoi are gracious and good, and imo, they're very understanding. when i first started out, i prayed and basically said 'i'm new to this, i want to jump in and do my best, but i'm still learning. please be gentle and understanding to me as i embark on this path, and please guide me to worship you as you see fit.' i think being upfront about it really helps. i see a lot of people say that they want to worship but don't feel like they've done enough research or aren't ready for whatever reason. but you also have to start somewhere, and experience is a valuable tool on this path. it enriches your research to be doing it with a purpose, imo. you have to start somewhere yknow? as long as you're respectful, the theoi will be understanding, imo. i would highly, HIGHLY suggest you spend a lot of time researching. theoi.com is an invaluable resource. i also suggest perseus.edu, which is a digital library that has a wide collection of primary sources, including the epics and plays. i personally suggest the homeric hymns as a starting point, as most of them are rather short and approachable and make fantastic prayers to read aloud. i also suggest reading the epics and plays if you're able. secondary sources are also good. greek religion by walter burkert is a good source. i also suggest understanding greek religion by jennifer larson. people have a lot of divisive opinions on this one, but i think household worship by labrys can be a helpful source for what to do when it actually comes to doing your own worship and rituals. i also like hellenion as a source. use your discretion and critical thinking with all these sources. no one source is perfect. compare and contrast, look for biases, cross check. also, get interdisciplinary with it! look into theology, archeology, anthropology, philosophy, classics. don't be afraid to look in multiple places for information to piece it all together.

another suggestion i have is to spend some time immersing yourself in greek culture, both ancient and modern. religion and culture are deeply intertwined, and understanding the specific ways in which greeks view things will help you greatly. and look outside of greece too! ancient greece had a lot of contact with other areas of the world like italy, the middle east, and egypt, even india, and this absolutely influenced the religion and culture. be respectful to mediterranean people, and listen and elevate their voices. i very much like the blogs @/gemsofgreece and @/alatismeni-theitsa. you're not just learning about a religion, but an entire culture that still exists in the world today. here's my general worship advice: cleansing is important, but it doesn't have to be anything more than washing your hands before an offering or ritual. if you have a space for the theoi, try to keep it clean. offerings can be as simple or grand as you like. i find a lot of beauty in the simple things. a glass of water or sharing a meal goes a LONG way. clean, fresh water was a very coveted thing in the ancient world, so sharing a glass of water is honestly one of my favorite offerings. you can share your meal by praying over it and inviting the theoi to eat the steam/smells of the meal, or you could set aside a little plate for them if you wanted to (NOTE: traditionally, it is considered taboo to share offerings with kthonic deities. they were traditionally buried, and libations were poured onto the ground. in the modern day, i think setting things aside to be appropriately disposed of later or pouring things down the drain can be an acceptable substitute. its fine to share with ouranic deities!). really, just find little ways to involve them in your day to day life. pray. pray a lot, about anything, big or small. express gratitude to the theoi for the things you appreciate in your life, and share your struggles with them. it doesn't have to be formal (but it should be respectful). nurture your connections with the theoi and allow them to nurture you right back. do not feel obligated to share every part of your practice, especially online. keeping things to yourself or a close group of trusted friends can really be beneficial to you. truthfully i only post like .5% of my practice on this website. inherently, polytheistic practice in the modern day is a very personal practice. what might be a sign to you might not be to others. imo, the theoi reach out to us in ways that make sense to us, with the context and knowledge we have available, and that means its not always going to make sense to others. your practice should be for you and nobody else.

when it comes down to it, i suppose my advice is simple. research and just reach out. realize you're going to make mistakes sometimes (i have!) but as long as you have good intentions and respect the theoi, you'll be just fine. mistakes are a part of growing. don't beat yourself up over them -- use them as an opportunity to learn. we're only human, and the gods know this. your practice is going to change as you develop relationships with the theoi and learn more about them. things you might have resonated with at one point might not hit the same later on down the road, and thats okay! embrace that as a feature of polytheism, not a flaw. i realize i've given a lot of advice and this can be rather overwhelming. i've given you multiple places to start researching, and i absolutely was overwhelmed (and still am sometimes) with just how much information is out there. that is a blessing in hellenic polytheism. not every polytheistic religion has that wealth of information available, so take advantage of it, but do it in a way that's approachable for you. since you're interested in hekate, i would highly suggest you start with looking into deipnon . tldr its a monthly holiday on the new moon that honors hekate and her role in leading spirits, as well as purification for a new month. cleaning and purification of your home, food offerings, and charity acts are all great ways to honor this holiday. from there, you can easily incorporate noumenia and agaithos daimon (holidays to celebrate the beginning of a new month, usually devoted to zeus and other household gods such as apollon). ive really went off on a tangent here, so i'll cut myself off here. thank you again for asking a fantastic question, and i hope my answer can be of assistance to you and anyone else who might be in your position. may the gods bless you and look after you, and guide you with a kind hand as you embark on this journey. and have a great day and a fantastic meal friend <3

[narfin-frood]

oh yeah no i'm aware of the point of this au being that their personalities are more or less the same, just the roles they place in the story. i just forgot the word 'redeemed' and was unsure how to word it without it being to clutter-y. i usually try not to swarm inboxes with my ramblings😅

this point is actually what fascinates me in your au so much! like, it gives so much room to play around with, yet still stays true to the show :) IT'S SUCH A GOOD AU!!

(also nooo😭😭😭 touch grass was not aimed at you, i was just repeating what i saw in your post-reply to me. like, hater saying this to sylvia. im sorry for being unclear)

and yay! thanks so much! i'm swamped w work/projects atm so i'm like. UNSURE. when the promised art will happen. but it will.

/stares at the unedited 5k beast abt deprogramming swap!dominator/ i'm talking abt YOU SPECIFICALLY.

the thing abt fears is what makes this wander so fascinating to me. cults lowkey freak me out + the forced "must never move bc ITS BETTER FOR EVERYONE THAT WAY" oof. a lot of potential.

anyway, hope you're having a day! sometimes just a day is enough. though good is preferred obv

ohhh i apologize i got a little confused!!! you can ramble as much as you need to it's no big deal to me. i'll read it! i am notoriously The Rambler, and i like to hear what people think about the things i make!!!

if i'm understanding right now, you are/were asking how wander gets redeemed, or how it would go down when he does (sorry if that's still not really your question)? because i have plans i cannot share with you lest my enemies (the creatures in my brain that keep me from actively doing anything) try to strike me down... but the event would be ermmm Power of friendship, to be as vague as possible, and it would have to do with the strength of the bond between meteor and peepers and esp the bond between sylvia and wander..... i want to say more but i cant without spoiling what im cooking......

and thank you very much!!! believe me i get being ultra busy (i am also ultra busy, i'm just an expert procrastinator and i hate getting off my ass to do things) and i do not Slash will never expect anything of anybody!!! pls do it on your own time and have fun with it if you do end up doing it. no worries whatsoever if you don't. i'm forever psyched to see what you come up with, and also, do not let that be the pressure that breaks it for you!! theres no pressure at all :)

(also deprogramming dominator fic thats so FUN !!!! thats so fun)

i hope you also have a good day!! i've been having a decent weekend myself

[discar]

HZD Terraforming Base-001 Text Communications Network

Chapter 13 | Prev chapter | Next chapter Chapter Index

HIMBO: Aloy, did you ever meet up with Talanah again?

Zo: Where did this come from?

HIMBO: Kotallo and I were talking about Carja in the Clan Lands. I assumed they'd be killed on sight, but he says they're not.

Marshall Kotallo: They are hardly welcomed, but as long as they do not cause trouble, most outsiders are allowed to walk free.

FlameHairSavior: Her life would still be easier if she stopped wearing her Carja armor.

Marshall Kotallo: Tenakth armor is complex, and her lack of tattoos would give her away.

FlameHairSavior: She doesn't have to dress like a Tenakth, but even Oseram armor would be better.

FlameHairSavior: Anyway, the thing with Talanah got a little... tricky.

FlameHairSavior: Turns out she was looking for an old love, who was looking for HIS old love.

FlameHairSavior: She was supposed to be dead, but wasn't.

ForgeLordAleMaster: WAIT, TALANAH FAKED HER DEATH?

FlameHairSavior: What? No, the other woman was supposed to be dead.

Marshall Kotallo: Did your friend kill her? Perhaps change her mind at the last moment and send her into exile instead?

Zo: That idea seems to have come to you far too quickly.

Marshall Kotallo: [ShiftyEyes.png]

Marshall Kotallo: I will admit, not all Tenakth stories are about hunting and besting your foes in combat. Sometimes there is romance.

Marshall Kotallo: Usually involving fighting machines together.

HIMBO: Huh. Kotallo, remind me to show you these “romance books” I found. I think you might like them.

Zo: They're the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen.

ForgeLordAleMaster: [ForumWeaponLiteralSubjectChange.png]

ForgeLordAleMaster: WHY DID THIS WOMAN FAKE HER DEATH, ALOY?

FlameHairSavior: She didn't, she was pretending to be a man, and was serving in the Carja army. She was thought killed in an attack.

Marshall Kotallo: Why you people would cut off half of your population from serving in the military, I will never understand.

HIMBO: None of us are Carja.

Marshall Kotallo: Fair point.

FlameHairSavior: Anyway, she got captured, Fashav offered her a place as a soldier, she took it. She's been serving ever since.

FlameHairSavior:Then her fortress got captured and she got thrown into the prison.

HIMBO:But you cut through the enemy like dry grass, overthrowing an impregnable fortress by yourself.

ForgeLordAleMaster: AGAIN.

FlameHairSavior:  I had help! Talanah and her... whatever he is were there.

Zo: So Talanah's old love found his old love alive. Did they reignite their relationship? I am hardly an expert in Carja customs. What would be considered the right move in this situation?

FlameHairSavior: I have no idea what the Carja would normally do. The woman insisted she's Tenakth now and the Carja is dead. Talanah isn't sure how she feels about her old love any more. She's big on loyalty, so she might take him back, but I'm just not sure.

Marshall Kotallo: Varl, how would those romance books you found handle this?

HIMBO: I think about half wool have the protagonist pick the mysterious wandering heroine who arrived to help in the hour of greatest need.

ForgeLordAleMaster: HA!

Marshall Kotallo: And the other half?

HIMBO: The protagonist picks all of them. Everybody is happy.

ForgeLordAleMaster: ...DOES THAT WORK?

Zo: NO.

Marshall Kotallo: Sometimes.

ForgeLordAleMaster: HA!

β: im glad i dont have to worry about any of that

β: romance is weird and complicated and stupid

Zo: Don't be so sure.

Zo: Based on what I've read about your mother and observed about your sister, once you start going outside approximately ninety percent of the people you meet will fall in love with you.

Zo: I believe the term is “you'll have to beat them off with a stick.”

β: definitely never going outside then

FlameHairSavior: [ForumWeaponDisapprovalEye.png]

FlameHairSavior: Thanks, Zo.

Zo: ...oops.

Chapter 13 | Prev chapter | Next chapter Chapter Index

[heich0e]

been writing something that has actually become something for once and i just wanna show it to someone eventually but i have like no friends on here and im scared ill post it and it will just go unread UGH how do u deal with that like how did you go about posting your writing for the first time

hi friend!! this is so exciting!! i'll be honest, this is sort of a loaded question—and i have a pragmatic somewhat callous answer AND an empathetic one that both exist at the same time and aren't mutually exclusive.

the reality is: when you post the thing that you've been working on, and that you're proud of, people might not read it. or less people may read it than the amount of pride you feel for it seems to deserve. and that sucks, it really really does, but it could happen. no one HAS to read what anyone writes, and it's hard for new writers/new fics to break through the very saturated landscape of fan created content to find the right audience. that doesn't mean it's impossible, or not worth doing, but it's important going into it that you don't tie the value of your art to the number of eyes that see it. it's worth something because it's yours!!

my second answer is that it's not wrong to want to share the thing you made with other people. it's not wrong or selfish to want other people to like it and tell you why they like it, or to use your art as a catalyst to connect with people. art has always been a very social part of human existence. it's something that was largely always meant to be shared. i've written fic for a long time but never posted it because it was just a silly thing i would do in my spare time because i had stories i wanted to put into words. when i did post my first fic, i didn't have any kind of community/following that i expected to support it. i just did it because i liked what i was writing, and thought maybe other people would like it too. but i didn't write it for the PURPOSE of people reading it, if that makes sense. i'm not a blueprint or an expert or qualified to give advice, but i think this worked for me. i didn't post it because i expected or needed people to read it, but rather i hoped they would. i think if you write something because you're passionate about it, and at the end of the day you're reconciled to the reality that it might take time for people to find it (if at all,) it will all work out. but please don't get discouraged if it's not what you expected—keep writing, and growing, and sharing for your own sake.

sorry if this is a disaster answer, i don't quite know how to express what i'm trying to say here. creating art (of any kind) is a very personal and vulnerable thing, and i truly hope from the bottom of my heart that if this is something you love and are proud of that it works out for you—whatever that might mean.

[seattledaytwo]

hey again, as you can guess it's still the same anon (im gonna sign as 🍒 just in case <3)

I think about chenrich 24/7 too honestly... other than that my mind is empty lol

I LOVE A HC THAT ALEX STILL SUFFERS FROM HER INJURIES even though it's really not fair

I once read a fic (honestly I read every single one on chenrich tag on ao3 so I can call myself an insane expert) where author studies the situation where Alex gets the worst ending possible (no one believes her expect steph, she's single so steph leaves and ALSO ALEX PERMANENTLY INJURED). so yeah, alex ends up with her leg being fucked up, using a wheelchair, than towards the end a cane, I don't remember if she gets to walk properly in the end, but yeah it's dark and mostly depressing. but it gets better after all. AND I REALLY LOVED THIS FIC because it gives so much depth to alex's character and her perception on everything around her.

i would love to see your hcs on future chenrich if you're willing to share, just in case.

btw have you read forget-me-not comics or other side content?

Hi again, Anon!!

There is SO MUCH depth to explore re: what happened to Alex. I think that's one of the game's weakest points, to be honest; it doesn't really give the incident a lot of weight, if that makes sense? Jed confesses, Alex recovers (absurdly quickly), happy ending. But there's SO MUCH there!! Mentally and physically!! The reminders live on her body and will for the rest of her life, not to mention the psychological impacts of knowing all that Jed had done to her family. She can never un-learn that, and it has to just...plague her at first, you know? I think eventually she could make peace and move on, but I wish the game had given that more gravity.

I plan to share some of my future Chenrich HCs at some point! Right now they're all jumbled 😅 They're also RIDICULOUSLY self-indulgent, but hey, that's the fun of it!

I've read 3/4 of the forget-me-not comics and I've skimmed Steph's Story and Heatwaves! I wish I had liked them :// Unfortunately I really struggled with the characterization and storylines. With the exception of Steph's Story, I have a hard time with spinoff content that goes in separate directions. The comics for LIS1 worked because the game lends itself to multiverses. I don't feel that it meshes as well with TC! Alex's cat shirt from forget-me-not does live rent free in my head though 😄

[amidstnamjin-and-binchanlix]

fight off the light tonight and just stay with me (honey, don't you leave) || ot7

Warnings: a teeny tiny bit of blood, mentions of hospitals and surgery, heavy angst(?)

I won't control you, but MINORS DO NOT INTERACT. This is not for you, please.

Pairings: OT7/(F) Reader, Jackson Wang/(F) Reader

Plot: Will it be too late for them to try and make things right?

Genre: not really unrequited love (but they're all idiots), mutual pining, angst, denial of feelings, poly ot7

Did you ever love her? Do you know?

Or did you never want to be alone?

And she was singing "Baby, come home."

"Baby, come home."

I've got those jet pack blues

Fight off the light tonight and just stay with me;

Honey, don't you leave.

mixtape: all i have left to give - part 1 - part 2 - part 3 - ending 1

thank you so much because this fic was my first one to reach more than 10 kudos in ao3 and some peeps liked the first part enough to reblog to want to read the next part you don't know how much it means to me :o oh my fucking god how did that happen??? thank you so friggin much!!!

sorry if my summaries are all song lyrics owo i just love taking inspiration from them when i write because i can't find the old me who can write and word vomit in a drop of a hat huahuahauhauhauahuahauaau am sorry my bad

bit of warning for some teeny tiny blood and hospitals but no one will die, i promise! i mean not yet, so far i haven't thought that far yet.

also!!!! i'm not a medical expert so please let me know if there are inaccuracies because there are bound to be, no matter how much research i do or how much i ask from doctor frens hueheuheuuefhiuf

title from Jet Pack Blues by Fall Out Boy because fuck yeah i wouldn't get them as a first tattoo if i didn't love them so much

hope i don't disappoint! if i do, i'm so sorry hahahuhu my mom always told me i'm a disappointment so there's kinda nothing new

hope i can write the next parts soon T_T

❤️‍🩹

You can feel the string in your chest slowly fraying.

You never thought that is possible. After all, the strings are connected to the soul and can never be seen. However, when you started the therapy, you started feeling it fray. Slowly and painfully. You don't know how and why, you just do.

Your symptoms are worsening, too. Doctor Im advised you against overworking and stressing yourself but how can you not? It feels like no matter what you do or where you turn, the boys are there. Your only escape is your work and in your line of work, stress is inevitable, so you have no choice but to endure it. At least at work, you are in control. At least at work, you don't have to think about being unwanted—your clients are the ones who request your services, after all.

You don't know what to feel, really. It feels like fate is pushing you to your limits and wants to see you suffer.

Look, even you can admit to yourself that there's no need to undergo the therapy. Your soulmates can go get fucked and feel your pain through the bond.

But you can't have that, can you?

You're not one to lie to yourself, you know why you feel this way. Aside from the fact that fate (unfortunately) assigned you seven soulmates who can give less of a fuck about you, you know deep down that you want to be with them and not just because your souls were linked to each other.

You're in with love them, period.

You've seen them through their bests and their worsts, and you're still hopelessly in love with them. You've seen their sides that they never dare show you, the beauty they unfairly grant other people but not you. You've also seen their worst, the ugliness seemingly reserved for you alone, but the longing is still there.

You can't help it, and you're sadly fucked no matter how you look at it. 

As you massage your perpetually aching chest, you also think how your dignity and pride are the only ones you have left. While it might be a rush of satisfaction to see them squirm, it is at the cost of your pride. You learned early on in life that you can never show your emotions—most especially your weakness—with how many times people fucked you over by using them against you.

In this case, you have to endure every pain to save face. So if it helps everyone sleep at night, then you'll give them what they want. If they don't want you, then you'll just have to remove yourself from the equation altogether. Simple math.

You snort. You're being too dramatic. You're used to this, you tell yourself. From your mother to the few lovers you had; there was always something wrong with you, something lacking. You're never needed in your whole life, so it was easy for them to leave you. It was always the easiest choice to not choose you. Why are you crying about it now?

You shake your head with a resigned sigh. There's no use regretting this. You swore to yourself you would stop regretting things you do and now is the time to stand by it. For yourself, and for the inner child in you who did nothing but run after people who turned their backs on her.

You try to stave off the pounding behind your temples by rubbing your eyes with your palms. While you are thankful that the meds seem to be working and the boys can't feel any input of emotions from you through your bond, the medicines and treatments are such pains in the ass. Fucking side effects.

Speaking of side effects, Doctor Im told you that one side effect would be them not feeling any of the emotions you feel, but you would still feel theirs, the latter possibly more potently than normal. You tried to test the emotion theory before, afraid that it will fail and the meds won't work. This is your only chance at walking away with your precious pride intact, so this should work. This has to work.

"It might take a while, but your emotions shouldn't reach through their strings anymore once you continuously undergo the whole therapy process," Doctor Im had said.

"You would still feel theirs, unfortunately." He looks at you tenderly, albeit with not an ounce of pity. That's okay, you don't want anyone's pity. "You'll be more attuned to them than a normal person is to their soulmate because your soul will be tender from all the treatments."

Doctor Im Jiho is kind, a little young for his profession if you say so yourself, but he is brilliant. It's what made you trust him. Even if the therapy is still not ratified and recognized legally, and still in its human trial stages, something about how passionately Doctor Im explained the whole therapy process and what it entails just screamed 'I know what the fuck I am doing'.

Or he should. Please let it be true, or you'll just rip your lungs out of your ribs and unalive yourself. So far though, Doctor Im and his team delivered.

Back to the emotion theory you have.

You wanted to see if the therapy works. Since soulmates can feel each others' extreme emotions, going through soul-scraping therapy shouldn't send any of yours to their end of the bond. To be sure, you waited a month into the treatments to start with the observation.

Since you've been keeping your distance and you cannot see it for yourself, you asked for help from Ae-cha and their other managers, most especially Kyunghee. They understood and agreed with no questions asked, and for that, you are eternally grateful.

You asked them for even the slightest changes in the boys' behavior during times when you know your emotions were at high. So far, there were none. It's either the meds are really working or they are just good at masking it. The second would be implausible, knowing how anything related to you would be a nuisance for them. They would make their displeasure known about it, you're sure.

Sejin, however, you're not sure you can face his pitying eyes again, so you never asked him. You don't want to hear the pitying tone in his voice one more time either. Once is more than enough to last for your lifetime.

You are just about to reach for the medicine bottle when you feel your eyeballs twitch rapidly from behind your eyelids and the pounding in your temples grow louder.

God, not now. You still have that meeting set with your lawyers. Not now.

You dial your assistant's number shakily.

"Joy, can you please phone Attorney Shin for me?" You say to the phone through your coughs, the air in your chest feels like slowly being squeezed out of you.

"Are you okay, [Name]?" Comes your assistant's concerned voice through the phone speaker. "Do you want me to call Doctor Im?"

You take the glass of water on your table with shaking hands. "I'm okay. I'm okay." You take big gulps of water, but the feeling doesn't pass. "There's no need."

Joy ignores the last part. "I'm going there, wait for me."

You go to tell her not to bother, but she hangs up before you can. A few minutes later, Joy comes through the door slightly panting.

"[Name]!" Joy takes hurried steps toward you, but you weakly wave her off. "You look like death. Jeez, I'm calling Doctor Im!"

"No, no! I'm—" You burst into another fit of whooping coughs and faintly hear Joy's worried voice.

Your hand comes away with splotches of blood, some staining the sleeve of your pullover shirt.

"Oh, shit. Shit, [Name]!" Joy screeches, now terrified. She runs to the doorway and shouts. "Jenny! Jenny! Come quick!"

Footsteps sound shortly later and you hear Jenny's panicked shrieks.

"[Name]? Are you okay?!" You feel Jenny's hand touch your shoulder. "Oh, my god. Dongwoon! Dongwoon!" More footsteps but you don't register them, black spots dancing in your vision.

So maybe you're not okay right now.

Oops, your bad.

You stand up slowly to tell them you're fine. However, before you can even open your mouth, you cough and retch.

More blood.

"[Name]!"

The last thing that registers in your brain are strong arms catching you when you black out, their panicked voices warped in your ears.

(oh, darling. what are we going to do with you?)

---

"I got it! I got it now, hyung," Taehyung says with a grin to Hoseok as Jimin comes back through the door of their practice room.

"Yeah? Let's run that through again?" Hoseok asks with a satisfied smile.

"Okay!" Taehyung nods. The boys are all feeling happy because the choreography turned out really good and is something they are proud of. The good feeling doesn't last long, however, when Jungkook bursts into the room.

"Hyung! Hyung!"

They all turn to look at him, eyebrows raised. Namjoon tsks at him.

"Kook, don't run. How many times do I—"

"[Name]-noona!"

They all freeze.

''She... she..." Jungkook then bursts into breathless tears, which propels Yoongi and Namjoon out of their seats. Jin turns off the music. When Jungkook doesn't continue, Namjoon shakes his shoulders.

"Jungkook, what is it?'" Panic rising in his voice.

"They rushed her to the hospital," Jungkook chokes through his sobs. "Y-Yonsei. They rushed her to Yonsei, hyung."

Their stomach drops at that.

Ever since they discovered by accident that you had been undergoing soul-scraping therapy, they have been keeping an eye on you. It took a while for some of them to accept or maybe even acknowledge you as their other soulmate, some longer than others, but they're getting there.

However, the pit in their stomach and the guilt in their chests never really went away, so they had to do it slowly and inconspicuously. They watched from afar and through their staff, and it pissed them off to no end that they have to do so, but they have to. They want to take it slowly and surely so as not to confuse and overwhelm you, still also confused about what they're feeling themselves.

"Yonsei? Hospital? Are you sure?" Jimin asks. "Why—"

"I don't know, hyung. I just heard Manager Sejin talking to Kyunghee-nim." Jungkook looks lost, tears flowing down his cheeks. "[Name]-noona..."

Jin doesn't even wait for their response, sprinting out of the room to find where Sejin is.

"Jin-hyung!"

He ignores them, spotting Sejin standing with his phone clutched in his hand, and talking to one of their other managers, Kyunghee. The pained expression on their faces and their hushed conversation say everything Jin needs to know.

"Sejin-nim!"

At the sound of his voice, Sejin and Kyunghee both turn to look at him.

Jin halts to a stop in front of the two. "What happened to her?"

"How did you—?"

"Please, Sejin-nim," Jin begs as the others come into view, slightly panting. "I need to know, please."

Sejin looks at Kyunghee, the latter with a grim expression on her face.

"Is it because of the therapy?" When Sejin didn't answer, Jin turns to Kyunghee. "Kyunghee-nim, please."

Kyunghee nods with a solemn expression. "Yes." The others gasp behind him but nothing registers. "Joy told me she'd been getting sicker as of late. She collapsed this morning."

Jungkook's sobs get louder, but Jin paid them all no mind. The only thing on his mind is—

"[Name]." He looks at Sejin with desperation in his eyes. "Take me to her. I want to see her."

Sejin purses his lips, sharing a look with Kyunghee. "I'm afraid I can't do that."

"Why?!" Jin's eyes are shining from unshed tears, frustration bubbling in his chest. "I want to see her. Take me to her, Sejin-nim. Please."

"We have explicit instructions not to let any of you see her," Kyunghee says steadily. "We can't take you there, Jin. I'm sorry."

"If you're not taking me to her, I'll go there by myself," Jin says stubbornly. "I don't care about whose instructions they are; she's my soulmate and I'm seeing her."

"A soulmate you all rejected!" Sejin bursts out sharply. "You all asked her to stay away from you, asked me to talk to her before. Or don't you remember?"

Jin falls silent at that. The others are no better, hanging their heads in shame.

"You didn't see her eyes that day, Jin. I was the one to look the poor girl in the eyes." Sejin's tone softens. "Don't do this to her. Do you want to see her in more pain?"

"I just want to see her," Jin says brokenly. "I won't show myself to her. I'll be gone when she wakes up." Jin pleads. "Please, Sejin-nim. It's all I ask of you, please."

"She explicitly asked me before not to let anyone of you near her, so I can't. We have to respect that."

Jin huffs angrily, turning back to Jungkook. "Yonsei, you said?" He doesn't wait for the response and stalks off, patting for his keys in his pockets.

Shit. He left them in his room.

"Seokjin!" Sejin runs after him, but he ignores him.

"Hyung!" Someone pulls his arm back, and it's Namjoon.

"No!" Jin yanks his arm back. "This stops now, Namjoon."

"Hyung."

"That's our soulmate. Our soulmate!" Jin shakes his head. "Fuck getting burned and left behind—we left her behind. All seven of us. If us getting used and left behind by people who are not our soulmates hurt, how do you think that would feel for her, rejecting and leaving her? Her own soulmates!"

"You know why we had to do it!" Namjoon bellows.

"And it's bullshit! She is our actual soulmate, you saw her marks!" Jin yells back. "You know how I felt about this. I told you all how I felt about this, but you didn't listen. Nobody listened to me."

"Hyung, that's enough!" Yoongi growls. "It's unfair for you to put this on us; you agreed to it, too."

"Because I'll lose you all if I don't! You gave me no choice!"

"We never said that!" Hoseok holds Yoongi back from stepping further toward Jin, the latter seething in anger. "We never asked you to do that."

"You get drunk and cry to me, telling me to always choose you and the others. That's not asking me?" Jin sneers. "You always saying how we should always choose each other and no one else, that's not asking me? You asked me to stay away from her even when it hurts choosing between you and her. Do you take me for a fool, Yoongi?"

Jin looks at all of them and they would shrink at the anger that is not normally present on his beautiful face, but they're all too furious to back down.

"I tried to talk to all of you, but no one listened."

He looks at Jimin and Hoseok, and they both look away in guilt. "This is not something you two should be neutral about. She had been nothing but kind to you."

Jin turns and jabs his finger toward Namjoon. "I thought you of all people can be reasoned with, but you let your pride cloud your judgment. I thought you had the brains to see through your fucking ego, but I was clearly wrong."

He then looks at Taehyung, rage marring his face. "And you. Do you think I wouldn't know how you rubbed the rejection in her face like an asshole, Taehyung? Huh? How dare you?"

Jungkook gasps and whips his head toward Taehyung with a hurt expression.

"Hyung?" Jungkook puts his hand on Taehyung's shoulder, who doesn't look back at any of them. "What is he talking about?" Jungkook turns back to Jin, confusion on his teary face. "What are you talking about, Jin-hyung?"

Jin scoffs. "He asked her how it feels to be rejected, and how it feels to run around with people who aren't her soulmates a few months ago at that bar. Didn't you, Taehyung?" The others gasp, their eyes widening as they all turn towards Taehyung, who now looks guiltily away from them.

"And I had to know from Jackson, of all people. Jackson! The asshole didn't hold back in letting me know how it's a good thing [Name] will never be ours. How do you think it feels to stand there and listen to him tell me how stupid I am for dropping my soulmate when I never wanted to in the first place, Taehyung?"

"Taehyung-ah!" Hoseok cried. "Why would you do that to her?"

Taehyung yanks his arm off Hoseok's grasp. "I don't know, okay?! I don't know!" he snarls. "She looked so happy with him and I can't think straight! I wasn't thinking straight." He chokes on his sobs.

"You shouldn't have done that, Taehyung-ah!" Hoseok admonishes. "She didn't do anything wrong to us."

"I know, okay?!" he snaps. "I know we asked her to stay away but I can't help feeling angry that she's so happy without us when all I can think is we asked for this, we wanted this."

Taehyung breaks down and weeps. Hoseok puts his arms around him in a tight hug.

"I didn't know what I was thinking," he cries repeatedly. "I didn't know what I was thinking."

There were a few heavy minutes of silence, save for Taehyung's sobs and Jungkook's sniffles.

"If anything happens to her, I'll never be able to forgive myself." Jin eventually says. "I'm no saint, but I never ever would intentionally hurt [Name] more than we are already doing.

"Even if we try to make things right, it might be too late. But, I still want to try because it's what she deserves. So, I won't let anyone stop me. No one can stop me," Jin looks at them one by one, lingering a little longer on Namjoon's and Yoongi's faces. He takes a deep steadying breath.

"Not any of you can stop me. Not even any of you." He shakes his head. "Not anymore."

He abruptly turns on his heels, and Jungkook runs after him.

Jin needs to see you, and he'll find a way to, even if has to go against anyone's wishes.

He'll find his way to get back to you.

(took him too long, darling. will he make it in time?)

---

In the end, Sejin did take him to the hospital. Jungkook, unsurprisingly, came with him. The younger clung onto him all the way to Yonsei, tears staining his dark shirt.

"I don't want to lose any of you, hyung." Jungkook cries, face buried in Jin's chest. "But I don't want to lose her, too."

"I know," Jin says, voice hoarse. "You won't lose me. I don't want to lose her, too." He buries his in Jungkook's soft locks, trying to keep the tears that had been threatening to spill since he sat in the back of the car.

"We'll make it right this time, Gguk-ah."

---

Jin doesn't know what to expect when the car stops in front of Yonsei Medical Center. He had a plan up until they stopped, the car running idly in the background. Now, he doesn't think he's ready to see you, too afraid of what he'll come across.

He knows he's getting ahead of himself, but he can't help but think that he might be too late, that he had already lost your heart.

No.

He takes a deep breath and steels himself.

He can do this. He can do this for you.

"You ready?" he asks Jungkook. Jin wipes at the stray remaining tears on Jungkook's face and runs his hands through the now-long hair just so he can keep his hands busy and stop them from shaking.

"I don't know, hyung." Jungkook's wide eyes are still glassy. "I'm scared."

Jin smiles gently. "Don't be. Hyung's here." He takes Jungkook's hand on his own. "We have to be strong for her if we want to do it right. Okay?"

"Okay, hyung." Jungkook nods with a small hopeful smile. "Okay."

For all the bravado that he conjured up while in the car, in the elevator, and in the hallways to the sterile room of the ICU, Jin still isn't prepared for what greets him when they take you inside your room.

They had to wait for you to be taken to your room from the operating room. The whole time they were waiting, Jin can't stop his leg from jiggling and Jungkook was no better, pacing around the room while lost in his thoughts.

Then the door opened.

He stands and gasps in sync with Jungkook's own, and he has to stop himself from falling to the floor.

When they said that you collapsed, he was thinking that maybe you were just overworked. That, and that the therapy's side effects just added to it. You'll be fine, you'll be okay.

This... this is far from what he expected. This is definitely not fine, and this is way worse.

You are hooked on different machines and it scares him to death. Your skin is pale and frail with bluish spots and rashes all over your face and skin, and your lips are almost blue. Your hands and fingers have spots of violet, green and grayish tints.

You look like death.

Jungkook breaks into sobs, calling your name as Jin stands there frozen. He only snaps out of it when one of the nurses stops Jungkook from running to your side and grasping your hand.

"We have specific instructions from her doctor not to allow skin contact with the patient, not until we know who her soulmate is," the nurse says as she wheels your bed to place, putting a hand to stop Jungkook from getting closer to the bed.

"That's us," Jungkook says as Jin steps behind him. "We're her soulmates."

If Jungkook thinks that this will make the nurse relent, he's sorely mistaken.

The nurse shakes her head resolutely. "All the more reason you are both not allowed to have skin-to-skin contact with the patient."

"What?" Jin blurts out.

"I'm not at liberty to discuss information about Miss [Last Name]'s condition," the nurse points out. "We advise waiting for Doctor Choi. He'll be here in a few minutes."

Jin is itching to just fuck it and take your hand, but he knows it would not be wise until they speak to the doctor.

Doctor Choi can't arrive fast enough.

Jin pulls Jungkook down to sit beside him as they see the nurses fuss over you. He has no choice but to resist the urge to touch and hover over you as his chest pulls him to do. He doesn't want to risk hurting or harming you further, so he sits on the couch and puts his hand on Jungkook's knee instead.

"What's taking them so long, hyung?" Jungkook's knee is jiggling, and Jin pats him gently. Jin looks calm outwardly, but his shaking hands betray him. "Why is her doctor not here yet?"

"I don't know, Gguk-ah, but we have to be patient."

Jungkook looks at him with furrowed brows. "How can you be so calm about this?" His eyes sparkle with unshed tears.

Jin laces his hand with Jungkook's, still shaking. It then dawns on Jungkook that Jin is anything but calm.

"I'm not." Jin takes a deep breath, otherwise, the tears he tries so hard to suppress will start pouring. "I'm not, but I have to."

He looks at where you're lying on the bed.

"We have to, Gguk. She needs us right now. We need to set things right, and we can't do that if we fall apart right now. Okay?"

It's then that the door to your suite opens. Jin and Jungkook both stand at the sound and in strides whom Jin recognizes as Doctor Im from his visits to you, and another doctor whom he presumes as Doctor Choi.

"Oh. Mr. Kim. Mr. Jeon," Jin and Jungkook bow slightly at the acknowledgment, "I didn't expect to see you two here."

That sends a pang to Jin's chest, but he ignores it. He knows they deserve the unintended jab.

"Should I expect the others to arrive soon?" the doctor asks.

Should they?

"We're honestly not sure, Doc." Manager Sejin, as usual, saves the day. "Kim Sejin." Sejin holds his hand out to shake the doctors' hands.

"Im Jiho, Animaelogy specialist." Doctor Im shakes his hand and points to the doctor beside him. "This is Doctor Choi Daeseong, head surgeon for Yonsei Medical." The other doctor shakes Sejin's hand.

"Due to the nature of Miss [Last Name]'s case, we would have to request the rest of the security detail present to leave the room for a while. You three can stay, but that's as far as we can allow for this discussion."

Sejin nods. "That will be no problem." He nods at the two men standing by the door, who immediately bow and take their leave. The nurses slowly file out of the room as well.

The two doctors walk toward your prone figure, and Jin and Jungkook follow suit. Doctor Im makes a short check of your vitals, while Doctor Choi checks you with gentle hands and looks at your charts. Once done, the two doctors turn toward the three remaining men in the room.

"Is there someone we can talk to from Miss [Name]'s team about her overall condition and routines these past few weeks or months?" Doctor Im asks.

"We can ask Joy Song from her team, as well as Jenny Ri. They're her closest assistants, so they can provide information. I last saw them trying to contact [Name]'s lawyers." Sejin supplies.

Doctor Im nods. "I see." He takes a quick look towards you before turning back to them. "I'm afraid [Name] isn't doing too good right now.

Jungkook finds Jin's still shaking hands, lower lip trapped between his bunny teeth.

"It's a good thing that her team was able to rush her in right away. If not, the situation would have been graver than it is now."

Jin's heart stops.

"G-grave?" he asks, voice trembling. "What do you mean 'grave'?"

It's Doctor Choi who speaks this time.

"When Miss [Last Name] was brought in for the emergency surgery, we had to do an emergency septal myectomy." Doctor Choi holds up a film of a scan, presumably [Name]'s.

"This is Miss [Last Name]'s echocardiogram." He points at a white portion in the middle of the scan, and Jin's head swims. "Miss [Last Name]'s septum is drastically thicker than that of a person with a healthy heart, so it prevented healthy blood flow to the chambers of her heart. Added to the treatments she was undergoing, it caused abnormal and uneven blood flow to her heart and the rest of her body, and caused complications that were...life-threatening."

Doctor Im looks at the other doctor. "It appears that [Name] has been hiding her symptoms since our last meeting, possibly way longer, so it was left untreated."

"What happened, Doc?" Sejin asks as he looks between the two doctors. "Is she going to be okay?"

The doctors share a grim look, one that Jin notices.

"What is it?" he asks, eyes darting between the two.

"Her heart nearly gave out from the heavy stress her body was in, Mr. Kim. Her blood wasn't being properly pumped and filtered, and her immune system was heavily compromised, so she suffered from bilateral pneumonia, which also affected her bloodstream.

Doctor Im takes off his glasses and sighs heavily. "She had septic shock caused by sepsis."

"She almost didn't make it." Doctor Choi says. Jin gasps in sync with Jungkook, the latter almost collapsing to the floor. "She went into cardiac arrest on the table, but we were able to bring her back."

(jin thinks his heart can't get any more bruised than it already is. your poor heart is battered literally and metaphorically. how can he possibly fix it for you?)

(he should've never listened when they asked him to stay away from you. he should've fought for you and with you, that way you're not alone.)

"But she's going to be okay, isn't she?" Sejin asks what the other two can't, what they're too afraid to ask.

Doctor Choi pauses before he shakes his head with pursed lips. "I'm afraid we can't really tell right now. We put her in an induced coma while we try to let her body recover, and we administered treatments, which will continue within the next few days. We can only hope for the best."

"Hope for the best?!" Jungkook cries his first words since the two doctors entered the suite, and looks up at them with tears now steadily running down his cheeks. "So we do nothing?!"

"Unfortunately, so." Jungkook finally loses it and collapses onto the floor on his knees, staring into nothing. "We have done everything we could for now, and we'd have to run some more tests in a few days. But right now, we can only monitor her. An induced coma is the best bet we have to let her body rest and the for treatments to take effect."

Induced coma.

Induced coma.

Jin's head is swimming with those two words as he walks closer to your prone figure and reaches out to mindlessly grasp your hand, but a hand stops his wrist.

"I'm afraid we have to advise you not to touch or make any skin-to-skin contact with Miss [Last Name] right now, most especially since you're her soulmate."

"What?" Jin asks dumbly.

"One of the side effects of the therapy is skin burns when the person comes in contact skin-to-skin with their soulmate, so skin-to-skin contact is highly discouraged."

Jin feels like his whole being wants to shatter. He can't love you, and he can't touch you? Was this how you felt all this time?

Before he can even make any further moves, the door to your suite opens, and in bursts Jackson, panting heavily.

Jin can't even find it in himself to be mad. After all, Jackson was there when you needed someone the most. No matter how it hurts him that there's another person who holds your hand, he can't do anything about it. They weren't there for you, he wasn't there for you. The least they can do is let you find someone else to hold when you need to.

Jackson crosses the room at record speed straight to you, grasping your hand delicately with a pained gasp. His manager is tailing behind and closes the door gently.

Jackson lets go of your hand gently and turns to the doctors. "Is she gonna be okay?"

"Im Jiho, Miss [Last Name]'s animaelogy physician." Jackson grasps the doctor's hand, as well as Doctor Choi's hand in a firm handshake. "This is Doctor Choi Daeseong, head surgeon for Yonsei."

"Jackson Wang." He smiles politely. "Is she gonna be okay?" He repeats.

"I assume Miss [Last Name] has made you aware of her treatments since she informed me she made you her next of kin?" Doctor Im asks.

Jackson's face darkens. "Yes, she did."

Doctor Im nods his head. "I'm afraid Miss [Last Name] is not doing so well right now. We would need to keep her in a coma for a while as we observe her and let the treatments take effect."

Jackson's eyebrows furrow. "Isn't that dangerous? How long would that take?"

"We'd need to assess first within the next few days. Right now, we cannot provide or guarantee until when she will need to be, but we'll do our best, Mr. Wang. I can assure you that."

Jackson nods but turns to Jin, his gaze hardening. "This is your fault." He looks at Jungkook, then back to Jin. "Why are you two here? Who gave you the right to be here?"

"We're her soulmates," Jungkook says coldly, to which Jackson snorts. Jungkook gets up from the floor swiftly. "We have every right to be here."

"Do you, Jungkook? After you all left her, do you really think you still have the right to be here? And for what? To make sure she's dead?"

Jungkook takes an angry step closer to Jackson, his face painted with rage. "What did you fucking say, you asshole?!" Sejin, the doctors, and Jackson's manager step between them. "Say that again, you motherfucker. I fucking dare you."

"Isn't that what you came here for, to make sure she stays away for good? Isn't that what you wanted?" Jackson is red in the face as the security detail rushes to the room.

"I'm still her soulmate, know your fucking place!" Jungkook shouts back, Jin holding him back by his chest. "In the eyes of the law, we have every right to be here."

"You gave up those rights when you rejected her, so you can shove that law up your ass and fuck off." Jackson's manager holds him back by wrapping his arms around Jackson's shoulders.

Jungkook can vaguely hear the doctors speaking to Sejin, but he pays them no mind. "I'm not leaving her here alone, so you can go get fucked."

"Jungkook." Sejin holds him by his shoulders. "I think it's best if we come back another day."

"I'm not leaving her again!" Jungkook cries.

"We're all emotional, and it will not help [Name] if one of you ends up in the ER." Jungkook looks at your peaceful figure, unaware of the disorder around you, and it hurts him. He feels his hands yearn to touch you but he can't, he doesn't want to hurt you. "Come on, I'll take you and Seokjin home."

Jungkook's expression crumples as he looks at Sejin. "But—"

"We'll come back, I promise." Jungkook's breathing is heavy, but Sejin's expression is steadfast. "I promise."

Jungkook has no choice but to concede. He turns back to Jackson. "You can't keep me away from her forever. I'll come back for her."

Jackson opens his mouth to retort that you don't need them, but his manager stops him.

"I'll come back for her, and no one can stop me. Unless it comes from her mouth that she doesn't want me here, I will be here." Jungkook chances one more look at you before he shrugs off the arms around him and stalks out of the room. Jin, who had been quiet all throughout the ordeal takes one good look at you before following suit, not even sparing Jackson a glance.

No one can keep them away from you. They'll stop at nothing just to do what they should've done before—give you all the love you deserve. Until you tell them that you don't want them in your life, they'll spend forever to try and make it up to you.

And make it up to you, they will.

---

[marshmallowprotection]

I was wondering if I could please request some Saeran comfort please. Some health issues have been getting worse and worse to the point that im now on daily prescription painkillers, and since no ones found a cause yet im scared that no one will. or that even if they do it wont have a fix and ill just be stuck with lifelong chronic pain.

"I've got you, my love," his delicate hands never pressured you in the wrong way when you were having a bad day. He helped you adjust a bit so you wouldn't be laying your body on side that was flaring hard. The pillow he plumped up before scooting it under your form was so soft, no different than his hands. "Let's get you off that side, okay? It can't be helping your pain levels to be laying like you are, so let's try a new position to see if that helps."

With tears burning in your eyes, you did your best to nod. Words were too hard for now, choking on the pain was easier than it was to speak up and explain things at length, but he understood. Unlike everyone else, he understood what you meant at a single glance, even if there was something he got wrong, he adjusted, he learned, and he made changes to show that he could read you like an open book once he'd been given the right tools.

Never in your life had you been more grateful of the fact that Saeran was a good listener, and he knew how to spot the smallest changes in your responses to make a difference in your pain levels. You knew the pain you were experiencing was different than the pain he was forced through as a young boy and at Mint Eye, but pain was something he understood intimately.

That ability to empathize and lock onto pain responses made him an expert at taking care of not only himself, but you as well.

You just wished you didn't have to suffer through this pain the first place.

For what it was worth, the small change in position did take away some of the pain you were experiencing, and while you knew that wouldn’t stop the aches and tremors that came in waves, you were relieved that for a brief moment, you could breathe again without fearing your body causing another shock wave to shoot down your spine. 

Even the smallest nudge of your pinky in the wrong direction made the pain return. It didn't make any sense, and the more you felt the pain take control of your body, the more you felt as though you did something to deserve this. Even if that wasn't true, even if you didn't do anything wrong in the first place, even if you didn't deserve this pain, with no explanation to tell you why it was happening, your brain began to make up all kinds of answers that... more often than not led to blaming yourself.

"We'll figure this out," Saeran whispered. His voice drew you away from the pain once more as he gently settled on front of you. His hand cupped your cheek as he pressed his lips against the top of your nose. "I promise we'll find answers to bring you pain relief as soon as we can... but until that day comes, I'll be right here, taking care of you just like you've worked so hard to take care of me in the past."

"S—Saeran..."

"I've got you," he repeated.

You nodded once again, blinking away the thick tears that taunted you against the comfort Saeran gave. You didn't have to force that. You didn't have to force yourself to be okay when you were wit him. You could cry as much as you needed to and he would never make you think it wasn't okay. He was your safe space, and you knew he would always be.

[ohmewhatsthis]

Project Moon and The Infinite Loops Project

hi it's me back again with things that appeal to Me and Me Alone- or maybe not, considering the various PM quests on Sufficient Velocity? anyway, have a smattering of crossover thoughts

(i know the basics of TILP but i'm not an expert so if i'm wrong about something im sorry-)

It probably took a while to get the PM-verse looping at all. Considering the setting, finding Anchors would be a hard pressed task.

My suggestions (yes I have multiple) would be Binah and Vergilius.

Binah and Hokma are explicitly the only Sephirot to remember all the TT2 loops, and Binah especially has stated she is unable to go mad due to her mechanical body. Hokma has to die to become a Sephirot, so I'm less sure of him, but I think he'd Awaken after her in due time.

(i'm a bit worried about what might happen in LoR considering Binah needs to fight there but no one truly *dies* dies there so it's probably fine?)

Considering that Binah and the rest of the Library crew gets shunted out at the end of LoR though, I think Vergilius would serve as a good Anchor candidate (though I haven't read Leviathan yet so maybe it's less of a good idea-)

Speaking of Limbus, the Mirror seems like it could be tricky to work around since it can basically tap into different Loops, in a way; that said, it would be very funny if someone extracted a Naruto ID-

Also, Taii from Wonderlab, as an Anchor maybe? They are noted to be pretty psychologically stable and are strong enough to manifest their own E.G.O. What's staying my hand is the troubled state of the comic (while I don't think it's been made non canon, it was wiped off the internet) and the fact they're in a spin off.

The Head is absolutely Loop Aware, they just don't give a shit. Carmen might or might not be, but I don't think she'd stop herself from preying on Loopers (cough cough Sakura?) assuming someone doesn't grab her by the incorporeal neck and chokeslam her

In terms of crossovers, I have this one plot bunny where Twilight Awakens in place of X, with Moondancer as her Angela and her friends as the Sephirot. Because, if you think about it, the Seed of Light is just the multiverse's least ethical version of the Elements of Harmony (see also: Celestia Carmen (can't be any worse than CelestAI or that Slavequestria version))

Any Loopers that Loop in as abnos are going to be like, ALEPH and up, for sure, unless it's a Null loop.

The RWBY crew as a Fixer Office (Ruby Office?) or as Limbus sinners

I've said this before, but any of the Persona Loopers using Abnos as Personae or running into Carmen

that's all i have right now, feel free to add on, maybe i'll think of more later