#IM KILLING MYSELF RIGHT NOW IM DYING | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

waxm3lt3d · 2 months ago

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(I will take my spiders now)

Lightbulb felt... Odd. Odd was the right word. One by one people got picked off and any attempts to lighten the mood were brushed off. Ha. Like... Like Painty... Like...

Why couldn't she stop doing that? Trying to make a joke. Trying to make people feel better. She was trying to not. But.... she couldn't stop. Not even to herself!

Her head hurt.

"Hey painter extraordinare, ya need some punch?"

"if you punch me I'm burying you. Now isn't the time."

She scratched at her head. She started to scratch harder. Why couldn't she...?

"Um lightbulb you're scratching your glass! Stop- stop doing- LIGHTBULB!" Paintbrush seized Lightbulb's hands before she broke open herself. Lightbulb was panting heavily, a crazed look in her eye with tears shocking her as she scanned Paintbrush's face.

"What's wrong with me? I'm trying but I can't take it- cant. Can't take any of it seriously! Haha. Imagine-turning into a big ol' paintbrush. Just dipping you in paint! "

"Lightbulb that isn't funny. Lightbulb! Please stop you're scaring me!"

"Why can't I be scared, Painty!? I can be scared that I'm not scared but I can't be scared!"

Lightbulb heard something. She almost was relieved.

"Agh!" Paintbrush backed away from Lightbulb, electricity forcing them to.

The grim reaper appeared to her. She could only laugh.

Lightbulb turned to Paintbrush.

"H-hey Painty? C-can you catch me? I don't want to shatter."

okay the bugs arent enough for this im sending several mephonex directly to you

#inanimate insanity #ii 16 #ii 16 spoilers #WHAT THE FUCKKKK #FREE LIGHTBULB #GET HER OUTTA THERE NOOOOOO #IM KILLING MYSELF RIGHT NOW IM DYING #KILLING YOU TOO #very yummy though #you are not safe.

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the-gayest-sky-kid · 1 year ago

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On second thought…. I think this may be the max amount of rendering my brain is capable of doing in one day

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phagodyke · 11 days ago

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wanted to go to the gym social tn but as I was getting my stuff together to go out, a friend said smth that rly pissed me off and now I'm too fucking angry to go out. fucks sake man

#fucking hate ppl commenting on my 'self control' for being sober bc I get it all the fucking time and its so patronising !!!!!!#even if its not intended that way. dont care didnt fucking ask. especially from someone im friends with #but whatever i should know better than to expect ppl to know me #maybe other ppl need discipline to stay sober but i dont bc the alternative is a non option and always has been. not that hard for me #and i have my own self control struggles w other shit man like im not pristine and perfect fuck off. you only dont know abt the #shit i actually fucking struggle with bc i dont know or trust u well enough for that.#and i HATE when ppl fucking imply im susceptible to peer pressure. im not. dont fucking overestimate your influence #ppl act like shit is a choice like actually i have a trauma rooted fear that comes from ppl in my family dying of substance abuse thanks 👍#which i dont expect strangers to know. but my friends should fucking know that!!! but i guess its not worth remembering #whatever it doesnt matter im prolly upset for other reasons im going to go out for a walk to calm down i cant be at home right now #even more fucking annoyed that im missing the gym over this. i shouldve been there an hour ago.#i mean i could still go maybe the cycle ride would stop me feeling mad and blowing everyone up once im there. i doubt it tho #UGH. fucking whatever. whatever whatever whatever. sorry for ventposting i was typing out a longass reply #but its not gonna fucking do anything except come across needlessly aggressive and ruin the conversation #even if i really really want to be needlessly aggressive. and ruin the conversation. but i guess i have the self control to not. lmfao #what if i just killed myself. anyway i think im gonna go get some shitty fast food on this walk and watch a horror movie when im back #.vent

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arrowpunk · 17 days ago

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Like. I don't want to die. I just want to like. Stop existing as a person for a week or two. Or maybe a month. Step out of the flow of time and just do nothing other than nap for a long while. I want to be able to put things on pause until I don't feel burnt out dead on my feet anymore because I feel like I did when I nearly collapsed in public after having 2 days off and it still not being enough rest and I had to quit my job because of it.

#ramblings of an arrow #I am working 2 jobs and going to school right now and it's killing me I think #I was handling it okay until the election and then I just. God fucking damnit I can barely will myself out of bed in the mornings right now #I am so bone weary tired #I was really holding on to the hope that Harris would win just like. so hard.#I didn’t realize how much of my like. ability to be motivated to do things. was tied up in that.#like all the things Im doing to try and better our future feel. useless now.#i know they arent #but it definitely feels like they'll have much less of a beneficial impact than they would've if Harris had won the election #like hi I work at a non profit organization specifically working to help teens of color #objectively a good thing #I am just like worried about how long that is even gonna be allowed to continue under a Trump presidency #everything feels like it is falling apart #and I know I am just one of millions of people that feels like this #which just kinda. makes it worse.#can't anyone get a break #I hate this stupid fucking world where governments don't give a shit that people are dying #I want to live in a kinder reality #i want all of us to live in a kinder fucking reality #why is that too much to ask

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red-velvet-0w0 · 1 month ago

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but just. i genuinely genuinely really wish i was dead. like everything would just be so much easier.

#tw suicidal ideation #dont worry theres no risk of me dying right now because when i do kill myself its going to be in the ocean #and im nowhere near the ocean right now #but god i wish i was

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cosmicdenro · 1 year ago

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hey so i completed How to Court Your Life Partner

you don't fucking understand how much that hit so good. the descriptions of the weather are my top fucking favourite and the way it was implemented was like it was 100% made for me im gonna kms NOW.

Again not a big fan of pet names that often but it wasn't that big of a deal with overall how well it was written. The conflict was insanely good because for one it never was something out of the blue for the reader, you knew this was bound to happen because Reg was so far up his ass he didn't see it coming and the way his words affected RHM. I fucking adore conflict when it isn't mindless and badly executed, it's so good and you could absolutely fucking see how much it build the character of Reg upon fucking up big time, despite even if he was still not able to get through to RHM right away. and just the issue RHM was having about his past?? my god that was written carefully too even if some things went over my head beacuse i kept getting distracted *@&@*! but hooooooooooly shit man . oh my god. the character build up was so good im ripping my sheets apart as we speak. THE SNOW CABIN CHAPTER MADE ME 💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥

also the sven chapter help help help that poor fucking boy did NOT see that coming

#i need. to draw. i have to fucking draw at least 10 drawings to incapsulate every chapter in 1 image but you know me im gonna draw more of #the chapters that gave me emotional disasters #but also the more intimate scenes lolz #i need to draw you can't just do this to me man i am BUSY yet here i am. fucking dying #thank g od people used to (this fic) and still (today's fics) do write rhm as equally emotionally in love too with reg because some people #do Not do justice by making rhm completely uninterested in reg and that just irks me lmao #not because ohh fave ship but if any couple was written as one sided without any good plot point i would kill everyone in this room and the #myself #no more holding myself back from not reading long copperright fics #i need to attack on sight and read it at LEAST start reading it and then save the rest for later even though that would damage me #but i gotta train myself lmao #copperright #tagging for MYSELF #beacuse im a sick and twisted person right now thinking about the fic constantly. 10/10 i swear #even if the petnames are not my thing that's just me #the physical affection was perfect for me and that's what matters #hi guys

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little-mephistopheles · 11 months ago

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I'm sick of not using my blog as a vent space anymore. this is my place. i only have like 9 friends on here i dont give a shit about the rest of yall

#vent #like obviously ill tag vent but #this is my blog where i can say whatever the fuck i want #and what i want to say right now is that the only thing keeping me from killing myself is seeing the muppet museum #and then!! i would be dying 4 days after that!!!#and nothing i can do can stop it #nothing matters #who gives a shit #im sick of this

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todayisafridaynight · 1 year ago

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i think i would have gone loco if jo and aoki got to meet up just once after ichi breaks through to him like. the damage to my psyche id have wouldve been immeasurable, irreparable even

#snap chats #im at the vet waiting for my dog please listen to shit thats been tormenting me for months #finally releasing all of my drafted thoughts im ill and im free #srry i know i talked bout it already in todays ask but im still thinking about it #this is also inspod by one of my twitter mutuals saying aoki’s death was the only foreseeable path for him like girl i thought we were fam #but no 😭 ill stand by forever that him dying was legit so dumb and unnecessary idc idc 😭#anyway. let me begin. because its not as if aoki wasnt conscious of jo constantly tailing him #take a shot every time i quote the Lost Dog comment its just such a good line and just exposes jo its my everything ok leave me alone #but please just like. in the weird timeline where jo and aoki did get to be cellmates- or at least were in the same cell block right #id throw up and cry if aoki looked at jo differently that day. like it doesnt help that jo’s without all his flash and flair #hes just in slacks and his hairs all tussled and he just looks So Normal. like hes Not a murderer #as soon as that warden bring aoki in i know jo movin to see him with all the love and concern only a father got #aokid never say sorry i just know hed be awkward as hell in jo’s presence now #like if aoki really did take ichis words to heart and starts to actually see jo as his family and as someone who cares about him for him #id kill myself on the spot thats why they had to kill aoki #no id die and throw up if aoki just outright asks jo if he does care about him or something like that #jo gonna need to muster up every ounce of his will to say he does not because he doesnt but because hes Just Like That. hes a hard nut #but he loves his kid more than anything and im gonna tear my organs out thinking about it #jo your kid sucks but ik you still love him thats the worst part #i wanna write or draw somethin with them in jail together so bad but i always get distracted #and again i have comms to do today.#OH BUT SPEAKING OF MY DUMB ASS DOG GOT LYME DISEASE 😭😭😭#they said he should be fine in like six months if we’re good with meds but still.... this is lame.....#ALSO I FOUND OUT MY POM MIX IS PREDOMINANTLY A PAPILLON..... thats fucked up yo butterfly dog...#ok im gonna go be insane idk how much else i could elaborate on this bye bye

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orallech · 1 year ago

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I fight through the depths of the underworld and kill this grouchy ass old man to get up here 7 times to have a like 30 min convo and then die infront of you, persephone. SO you me and dad are SORTING this shit out the next time my ass is up here and we better do it QUICK cause it’s taken me like 2 and half years for me to finally come back to this game and finish it!!! “The feelings we shared….they fade over time” GIRL I’ve been killing your man dead everytime I get up heerreee he’s been fighting me tooth and nail to protect you in his own rude way. YOU are KILLING meee!! He’s had his fucking idk what you call it….his big square cloth he wears in a mega twist since you left so we gotta sort this out NOW.

#sorry Im finally back playing hades #it’s a complicated story you see when it first came out on switch I played it all the way up till I needed to beat it one more time #then left it and bought it on play station and beat it like 5 times left it a couple months #and NOW I’m back where it was when u first played it #so now I’m like RIGHT there close to beating it fully and she’s like oh he doesn’t love me #and I’m like I’ve been through these trials and tribulation twice for you lady I’ve fought through so many enemies #like in short circuiting ‘he doesn’t love me anymore’#I’d kill myself infront of you if I weren’t already dying ma’am like you don’t even know what I’ve been fighting through #he doesn’t love me I HAVENT HEARD THE END OF IT FROM THIS GUY ABOUT HOW shitty of a son I am BECAUSE of whatever he’s got going on with you

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lesbiankingphil · 19 days ago

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......

#tw suicide #im seriously thinking about ending my shit bc of this #my mom could end up dying if they cut medicare we could end up homeless if they cut social security #i really just want to end it right now I have no hope for a future for me now #ill try waiting but the second all the shit we use is cut and we find out how screwed we are i will fucking kill myself I cant lose my mom #i cant be homeless and lose my pets i cant lose all my stuff #i have so many health problems if i was homeless i really think i would die #i just want to end this so fucking bad i cant live anymore

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betweeninstrumentsandbooks · 5 months ago

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.

#no one reads my blog but whatever tw suicidal thoughts #im carrying so much guilt for many reasons and foreal it feels like dissapearing its the only way i wont feel so shitty #hadnt had ideations this bad in at least 4 years #but if i were to carry out my death #how do i do it so its not messy #what will my mom do -in the middle of her cancer treatment #barely processing the deatb of both her parents #what will be of my sister #she has barely been in a good emotional place ever #what will be of her if her sibling kills themself #what will be of my mesage of oh wow life is beautiful and so worth loving #how would my partner cope with me dying #he hasnt had it easy either #not even my death is mine #do i leave a mesage #it would be my one shot to tell the truth and everything else comes to the grave with me #how much do i say #i dont want it to hurt either #i could cope with cutting myself again but i dont want the pain #i feel like a coward #i wish i could sh right now but it would be noticed quickly #if i tried to cover my partner would know somethings off inmediately #and except for him i dont have anyone to talk to #i feel so incredibely lonely sometimes #no money for therapy either #i wish i could have some drug to sleep for a couple of weeks or similar #so i could get some relief #but i have to be careful with drugs as i hate puking

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featherymainffins · 8 months ago

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That feel when a crisis center decides your crisis seems a little too big and also what do you need a crisis intervention for anyway when your therapy starts in some 30 days?

Like ok slay I guess I'll have to haul my ass to the other crisis center, where I didn't want to go because they tend to dismiss people's problems as too small, first thing in the morning and if they tell me to get the fuck out I'm just killing myself for real and nobody will be able to say I didn't try.

#like if i come there and tell them that I'm really on the fucking brink I'm holding it together with nothing but duct tape #and if i don't talk to someone right fucking now i might just kill myself #and they tell me to come back when I'm in the middle of dying #im really actually just gonna jump under a train and i am not kidding #like that's not a joke that's an actual plan. my plan of action for the past week has been: 1. try crisis center 1. 2. try crisis center too #3. if neither do anything just kill myself by jumping off a bridge or my faculty or under a train #that's literally my plan like i am tired im miserable im exhausted i feel powerless and incompetent and im bottling #everything up like a fine bottle of champagne and i swear to all that is holy if nobody gives me a chance to unload #all of it right fucking now I'm gonna blow like fireworks and die

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heart-shaped-chains · 9 months ago

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I've had coarse hair like. Under my chin for a while now, but now I'm actually starting to get it on my chin. Even though it's just a little spot, I'm super hyped about it. I haven't even started transitioning yet, I already have a head start :)

#cj rambles #not nsft #too lazy to log onto my other blog lmao #i told my dad ab it. partially bc im excited partially to test him and he said 'there you go' and seemed happy :)#and mom smiled but didn't really say anything. which okay. not the worst response to have tbh #idk its just. really sinking in that this is actually gonna happen. its not gonna be some daydream or some fantasy its gonna be reality #when im feeling down i look at my arms. all the hair on them. and im reminded of what i *could* be #dying for it. hopefully ill get it this year. worried about doctors being shitty and its also texas #but god dammit this is the ONE thing im sure about. not 80% not even 90%. but 110%. *this* is who i am #and no one can take that from me :)#ftm #transmasc #its already been half a year since i came out to my parents and theyve been pretty good about it #have yet to tell other family members but i think im just gonna start the process and *then* let them know. bc i dont need their permission #and now im actually super excited for the future like oh my god what am i gonna look like?#how long will it take my voice to drop? will my hair get curly like other dudes? i sure HOPE it does!!!!#is my mustache gonna be red like my facial hair? or light brown like my eyebrows? its thin and invisibly blonde right now.#and bottom growth. super fucking hyped for that.#idk i think im actually gonna make it #im just gonna be some guy. not a self destructive nightmare. not killing myself with drugs.#like damn i found the medicine i need. t's not gonna fix all my problems but it'll make them feel worth solving #idk im just so fucking hyped. bc now i KNOW its gonna happen. its fucking going to bc i said so.

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mejomonster · 2 years ago

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hate panic attacks think they’re possibly the worst experience inside

#rant #i just. they dont end until They end #i am thinking in retrospect that pre life for some awful reason i made a plan to have my body Fighting To Kill me from birth #and like. thats traumatizing and all but not The worst in the sense im used to it #but then panic attacks? god the Only way to make them end is to kill myself #how fucked up. i can breathe i can do everything right but they will STILL go on for 15 minutes to 2 hours no matter how well i cope #so some time sensitive shit happens like fix X NOW or worse happens or talk to doctor NOW to save ur life in hospital #or ur in public NOW and cant escape for 20 minutes it takes to exit public #and its like. okay so i just wont have any brain function for problem solving for 15 min to 2 hours #ill be sobbing hyperventilating shaking and have no problem solving ability for THAT LONG #i feel so helpless. i hate knowing i COULD solve it and fix it and take care of myself but NOPE #brain hit the panic attack mini stroke button jesus christ. so now for 2 hours or less i will be a useless mess #and cannot solve anything or help myself beyond trying to ignore the suicidal impulses.#like at Best i can keep my body breathing and unharmed during a panic attack if ALL goes WELL #but i can't do anything else like drive. like pay a bill. like chat through a problem. like calmly BREATHE #like even explain whats going on cause my entire rational brain is just completely offline while im in literal hell #a panic attack is so awful god i hate them i hate them i dont have words to describe #ive been dying in hospital plenty of times and like enough pure rage and stress is traumatizing for sure #but at least im so angry to survive i can problem solve #but a panic attack? even if i get angry i cant problem solve i just start trying to physically kill myself to make it end #cause illogical panic brain thinks the only way to fix the panic problem is be dead #since like. it is not a fixable problem. its a thing you ride out until its over.

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samwisefamgee · 2 years ago

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i have GOT to stop using reddit in the morning i want to fucking KILL someone

#its the withdrawls not the reddit lol #but man like three minutes of scrolling this morning and i wanna give some particular rich folk and politicians the shinzo abe special NOW #hey goodmornin goodlookin its me reddit did you want to be incited to radical action before breakfast? cause i gotchu #the horrors really piled up fast lol i am at the end of this frayed rope and god willing i'll kill myself before I do something stupid #but man am i a violently untreated mentally ill traumatized kid with waaayy too much unrestrained access to guns #is it weird that one of the reasons i havent shot myself while livin in this hell is cause grandpa would feel guilty for leavin guns out?#who could do that to an over 80 year old man. i mean cmon. ill be free when theyre all dead anyway i can wait right?#but yeah he should really lock those up before I take a trip across stateline #AGAIN its the withdrawls ill definitely be fine once i smoke weed cause thats for sure how this works #the deeper implications deeeefinitely wont have an impact on my longterm wellbeing its deeefinitely just withdrawls #ok its actually just bad but hey its sure easier to think less about all that n about dying when im baked enough to not go shitfuck insane

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cripple-cat · 2 years ago

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why is mY DAD LIKE THIS

im gonna fucking kill somebody i swear to god he always does this shit but i was stupid enough to believe that he would only talk to me when absolutely necessary but NO he has to ask if i want the thing he printed for the wiimotes when clearly i didnt take it for a reason and when i ask if he WANTS me to have it he says "Ok" like WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU WHY CANT YOU DROP THAT SHIT FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE and then i FELL FOR IT AGAIN because i cant FUCKING HELP MYSELF I GUESS and explained more than i had to when i could have LITERALLY SAID NOTHING and i just dont want him to fucking talk to me but i also desperately crave for him to talk to me like were still friends and like i even fucking MATTER to him, you cant just throw someone away and then ask if they want something meaningless out of nowhere, jesus fucking christ, if i ever meant something to you you should say THAT ASSHOLE, i cant keep giving in after everything, i cant keep doing that, itll kill me and hurt the whole time, i cant keep doing it, im trying to put a stop to it once and for all, i feel like im being torn apart

why cant he either disappear from my life like he wants me to from his or fucking APOLOGIZE and FIX IT

i just want my dad

#vent #tw daddy issues #not like. in depth or anything but i just. kinda feel like im dying. its fine #kinda feeling like maybe i should kill myself? but im too tired right now #my head hurts

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