#kinda feeling like maybe i should kill myself? but im too tired right now

[cripple-cat]

why is mY DAD LIKE THIS

im gonna fucking kill somebody i swear to god he always does this shit but i was stupid enough to believe that he would only talk to me when absolutely necessary but NO he has to ask if i want the thing he printed for the wiimotes when clearly i didnt take it for a reason and when i ask if he WANTS me to have it he says "Ok" like WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU WHY CANT YOU DROP THAT SHIT FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE and then i FELL FOR IT AGAIN because i cant FUCKING HELP MYSELF I GUESS and explained more than i had to when i could have LITERALLY SAID NOTHING and i just dont want him to fucking talk to me but i also desperately crave for him to talk to me like were still friends and like i even fucking MATTER to him, you cant just throw someone away and then ask if they want something meaningless out of nowhere, jesus fucking christ, if i ever meant something to you you should say THAT ASSHOLE, i cant keep giving in after everything, i cant keep doing that, itll kill me and hurt the whole time, i cant keep doing it, im trying to put a stop to it once and for all, i feel like im being torn apart

why cant he either disappear from my life like he wants me to from his or fucking APOLOGIZE and FIX IT

i just want my dad

[ess-presso]

hi ess <3

miss taylor: dancing with our hands tied, blank space, & treacherous <3

ty for the fic rec <3 i love texting fics sm i eat em up everytime. here's one for u, operation: toebeans by moonymoment (cute lil wolfstar fic, they fuck around with minnie and shes so tired of them)

chatting <3

id love to see a massive colonel sanders statue irl. it would definitely be significant enough for people to make pilgrimages to it & in fact i think id visit it myself.

fuck san francisco (im sure its lovely) i hate it there (it looks kinda cool tbh). sadly we've already broken best friend code cause she lives in a different city for uni 💔💔 havent seen that bitch since the beginning of january and im losing my mind. but its fine i think i get to see her this month🕺

ah yes the only two requirements to date someone: be hot and funny. (no but fr thats it. the bar is so low)

hozier <3333 (yes canadian money smells like maple syrup!!! just the notes though not the coins. i wish the coins were scented too)

now for the jesus/judas au..... i think peter simply has to be judas. but for jesus i wanna say james because judas revealed jesus' identity = peter revealing james & lily's location (although sirius as jesus would be funny too with his long jesus-like hair & the way he kinda came back to life via escaping azkaban)

american harry styles scares me fr.

fuck seagulls like actually. they always steal my food at the beach while im swimming and i cant swim back in time to stop them. theyre public enemies around these parts.

oh god. an eighteen year old dating a fourteen year old while he has another gf...... so fucking gross. (someone free both those girls rn. actual leonardo dicaprio behaviour)

i got anne carson's sappho fragments book for christmas & i was gonna go ahead and annotate it but now i feel like i should wait until i have someone to annotate it for. or maybe ill just annotate it and then i can give it to my person when they come along <3

ur def right im the opposite of final girl material but i am impulsive and stubborn so i will explore the church if its the last thing i do. (it will be the last thing i do cause im gonna end up getting myself killed)

six cans of monster can cure anything & i truly believe that. even a horrible hangover.

philosopher's stone>>>> sorcerer's stone sounds so bad anyways. im glad canada isnt quite dumb enough to get the sorcerer's stone treatment.

all of my halloween costumes are pretty lame tbh. i was a bee for my first bday (hence my nickname) but ive been a witch, vampire, zombie, ghost, etc. nothing special really

u should definitely tell harvard. theyd be too stunned to deny u entry its foolproof.

i loved blowing things up in chem. truly my only motivation to go to class.

using music apps based on our fav colours thats so real of us.

i may not have gotten wingstop but i did see florida (jumpscare)

joey in season one <3333

infinite bag of money thats a great idea how did i not think of that.

u will be banker one day. im manifesting this for u.

tumblr will forever be the superior social media idc. this website is untouchable.

oh god that guys a mummy's boy...... freud would absolutely lose his mind. a field day.

i understand u. like sometimes ur drunk self has a mind of its own and will do random shit. ive cut my hair drunk and woke up very confused but at least i managed to not botch it!!!

love in the dark is SUCH A JEGULUS SONGGG oh my god. adding to my jegulus playlist right this instant.

omg listening to music while looking at art>>>>>> perfection. makes u feel so peaceful and cool fr. (WENDYS!!! i love wendys so much.)

ur completely right id rather be having a horrible time with liv than be somewhere nice with someone i hate. doesnt matter what we're doing or whats happening it'll just be better if shes there.

i love that taylor likes 13 like yes girl me too. but 13 is actually a lucky number in italy so my family has always liked it!

oh god james and lily im so sorry......im just glad i wasnt born in 1981 or else id be highly suspicious that im the reincarnation of one of them.

american and canadian accents are super similar unless we're talking southern united states or far eastern canada. they literally sound irish over there no joke.

drarry <3 i just love the angst. so many possibilities for them.

jily & jegulus <33 ur right, jegulus for the fics (theres just SO many good ones) but jily for the ships theyre just so sweet.

after that guy i swore to never watch a movie for someone i like ever again. (also mainly because most of the time the movie is SO BAD!!!!) but yes its so cute when ur watching something with someone and they tell u all about it <333

we kinda did have a lot of paint lying around! it was mostly just lil kid art sets with crappy cheap markers and pencils but they were fun. if i was lucky i was allowed to use my parents fancy stuff.

it was genuinely so funny like i wish i couldve seen the sock fall from the audience's perspective i bet it was ridiculous.

literally ezra/aria. it was so gross but at least it wasnt real.

rude old people make me so mad like how have u lived so much of ur life and still carry so much hate in u......get a life old lady!!!!!!

hermione & harry <33

its true dramione fics are better. romione fics are usually just as bland as they are in canon. still cute tho.

tote bags!!!! love em. and omg a pride and prejudice tote thats so cool. i have one with constellations all over it i love it sm. (but also tote bags make my shoulders hurt so bad i swear im gonna get scoliosis one day)

wireless headphones till i die!!!!! how am i supposed to clean my room while watching netflix or something with wired headphones. how am i supposed to cook with wired headphones.

omg a 2! alexa play lover by taylor swift. (im a 5, apparently the investigators. i do love solving a good puzzle so ill take it)

red nail polish 4ever. looks good with anything i swear. my fav is a dark wine red and its just perfect.

wait thats so funny. it sounds straight out of an episode of friends or something. (glad everyones okay!!!!)

THATS SO CUTE!!!!! AHHHHH! top tier gift fr.

also a top tier gift. signed copies of ur fav books + unabridged podg + museums???? a flawless gift.

THE EMMA QUOTE OHHHH MY GOD!! i love that quote so fucking much. those are all so good. quotes that make u feel completely unzipped are the best always.

that poem is so good wtf. "i fear no fate (for you are my fate my sweet)" WHAT THE HELL!!!!!!!! IM UNWELL.

i wanna visit the lake district so bad ohhh my god. it looks so nice. the air looks so crisp there.

the locket that is so cute im crying!!!!!! i have a pic of liv and i from when were like 3/4 grinning at each other and ive wanted to put it in a locket forever so u have inspired me thatll be her bday gift.

tigers are so cool thats an excellent choice. king of the jungle fr.

horror movies & romcoms thats so real of u. the duality of man. & horror movie adrenaline rushes are unlike anything i swear.

not picking between jily and jegulus REAL!!! theyre both so perfect.

answering qs!

im not allergic to anything! (that i know of. so far so good.)

i totally believe in fate, at least to the "everything happens for a reason" degree. i think people need to just live their lives and let things happen cause we cant control everything and it would be impossible to even try. if its meant to be then itll be.

i accidentally fucked up a really good friendship a while ago by not being there for someone when they needed it (to be fair we were both going THRU it so i didnt realize) but we both moved on & they had moved to a different school so we drifted apart eventually. shit happens but theyre happier now so thats good.

i wake up bright and early (its 12pm.) i gracefully get out of bed (i sit on my phone for half an hour before dragging myself out of bed) i go brush my teeth and do skincare (i do brush my teeth but i definitely dont feel like doing skincare) i go make a nice nutritious meal (i make a coffee and some toast if its a good day) i do a wakeup workout (i sit in bed and drink my coffee) i get dressed for the day (im not changing out of my pjs) i do my makeup (im not doing my makeup) i head to campus for my class (my class is online. i stay in bed.)

spiderman or thor!!! ive never read any of the comics so this is purely based on their movies but peter parker i love that man. and thor is a dumb idiot i love him.

i think id switch lives with either elon musk or jeff bezos so i can give away all their money to charity or to pay for important things that they can afford like solving world hunger. i think id also love to switch lives with timothee chalamet like what goes on in that boy's head hes so funny sometimes.

(like which pre-existing fic do i wish i was the author of?) i wish i had written just lovers by zar (also intermission by zar) just because that fic is a masterpiece and to be the author of such a work of art would be an honour.

i wish i had written the iliad and the odyssey cause it would be cool as fuck to be as iconic as homer. (also since homer mightve not actually existed id love to be that much of an enigma too. keep em guessing)

ive never been in love! ive liked people but it never gets past that. i guess im just waiting for the right person to come along. but also, in a way i think i fall in love with everyone i meet. some people are just so cool and ill carry that memory of them forever.

i dance and sing a lot when im drunk. i get loud in general but i will karaoke the shit out of whatever is playing. also i get giggly cause everything becomes funny for no reason.

the worst fight liv and i have had is so dumb, she called me telling me that she was having people over at her place for her bday. i said i wasnt sure if i could make it bc i had 4 papers due that same weekend but i would try bc i obviously wanted to be there for her bday. she called me back a bit later sobbing saying she wanted me to be there and that she was mad i might miss it, i started sobbing because i felt bad and because i was overwhelmed, i told her okay, id be there no matter what, she said okay. we hung up and then she called me back 10 mins later completely fine and we both apologized for the dramatics & everything was fine and i managed to write my 4 papers in time so i could go. (uni and exams were kicking both our asses & we both had a breakdown cause neither of us had slept in like 2 days at that point lmfao)

probably either stargazing and seeing sirius & regulus & that comet, or when i last saw liv in january - we got coffee and walked around a lake for like 3 hours and talked shit abt the bitchy people from high school. it was lovely.

jegulily yes! ive never read any jegulily but i wouldnt mind reading some at some point. again, james has two hands!!! plus i think their dynamic is so fun.

i actually dont watch a whole lot of romcoms so i had to look up which movies would be considered romcoms and from that search my favs that ive seen are: enchanted, easy A, mamma mia, & 10 things i hate about you!

i also dont watch a lot of horror movies but i was fucking OBSESSED with IT in 2017 like fully obsessed. my entire personality was from that goddamn movie.

qs for u!

piercings vs tattoos?

whats your fatal flaw?

if u were any emoji which would u be?

whats ur love language?

fav superhero?

fav fic of all time

fav disney/pixar movie?

whats ur preferred method of annotating books? (like do u add random commentary or do u add deep analysis & thoughts?

what do u think ur animagus would be?

fav aesthetic?

do u prefer to stay in to watch a movie or go to the theatres?

fav day of the week and why

whats your literary archetype? (fun lil quiz, i got the ruler)

thats all for now <3

-bee

bee my darling <333

(first apologies for replying late.I seem to have a knack with doing those kind of things. but now I'm on half-term break , exams are over, so I'm mostly a free bird !!!)

miss Taylor -

dancing with our hands tied - JEGULUS - 'I loved u in secret'. that's all. secret love is theirs , they own it . also also , this is so regulus's line - 'I loved you in spite of Deep fears that the world would divide us'. HIM HIM HIMMMM.

blank space - all the women - I simply couldn't choose between them and since this song is very very female rage to me , I'll say all of them. especially Marlene , because if she's one to sleep around , you just know she was shamed for it.

treacherous - WOLFSTAR - I just really feel the vibe of sirius being like 'I'll follow you home' and remus thinking that the love he feels for sirius is treacherous !!!

chatting ----->

nah imagine being under that statue and you see boxes of free kfc just hanging around . colonel the redeemer would be gods child fr.

everything in the us looks either cool or dangerous. SHE BROKE THE BFF CODE. yta divorce immediately. lu lives like five minutes away from me and it's to and fro from there like everyday. I see him all the time and I haven't even thought about the possibility that one day I might not see him everyday. like that's not happening. peace to u bee , u brave for not tearing the fuck up.

nah fr where are my hot and funny little bitches/bastards. like bro come here and kiss me on the mouth and take me out and we can get married in like an hour.

hosier is bae baeeee. (that's so fucking cool. and I think the coins should so smell like maple syrup. it's fucking unjust that they don't. sue Trudeau.)

Peter = judas and James = Jesus (and I so see ur point with the sirius looking like Jesus parallel. like James (if he was alive) would've so made some jokes about that.

TALKING ABOUT HARRY STYLES - please tell me you saw him at the brit awards yesterday. please. I was in fucking tears when I saw. like broooo he mentioned Zayn??? my boy Zayn ???? my directioner heart is healing for real. (and lewis Capaldi is probably the only person in the world who can among to get the band back together. he has the power.)

I get chased by them whenever I'm at the beach and they've stolen chips from my fish and chips before and it's so fucking annoying like genuinely I wish they'd go fuck themselves.

no genuinely someone should arrest that guy. fucking hate him. piss bag.

ahhhhh annotate it and then buy a new copy for your person and annotate with shit like 'made me think of u' and everything I would cry my fucking eyes out if someone gave me that.

nah bee a nun gonna fly in and drop kick u in the face (now laughing at this image)

it did not cure my hangover ! it made it worse !!! and the worst part was that lu was also hungover so he couldn't work his magic with his hangover potion. and he also emptied his insides out (he threw up) and I was his sick nurse and made him soup and everything. (he was so out of it it was funny as fuck)

canada is smarter than the use for sure (free healthcare and gun control for one.)

bee as a bee oh my god that's so cute (and those costumes aren't lame they're classics)

fr Harvard is so calling.

blowing things up is so so fun. I used ethanol in class recently (there was a big boom) and it was very funnn.

yes pink and green stay winning always >>>

ew not florida ewwwwww.

joey is just bae. I love him so so much. (his funeral fit stays banging.)

I'm just smarter than u bee , let's face it.

update on the banking thing - he said no. he just doesn't like powerful women.

tumblr is so bae , like vanilla extract is so funny to me now

freud would love to dissect that boy fr.

cutting your hair drunk ??? and not botching it ??? you are the chosen one. I bow down to your brilliance.

THE MOST JEGULUS SONG TO EVER JEGULUS. yes yes u must add it. can't believe it wasn't already there in the first place.

it is so perfect. such a vibe honestly. (Wendy's slaps hard. but it wasn't square so I feel betrayed.)

bad times with your best friend so that ten years in the future you can look back and laugh on how stupid and dumb you were.

ahhh no my family has always considered 13 bad luck. but I don't believe it so 13 stays winning <333

can't tell the difference fr (Irish ??? never knew that that's fucking weird (in a good way))

DRARRRRRRYYYYYY the angst is unmatched. unmatched I tell you.

jegulus fics are so so so good I eat them up like soup. and jily is just - perfect. I love them. I love it so so much.

no because those kind of movies are so weird. it annoys me so much. (but watching stuff with someone who's obsessed with the thing you're watching ??? like whatttt. it's so sweet. eg Lu's fucking obsessed with sports and shit and he knows I'm just not - so he always always explains shit to me like when to cheer which team we support and everything.)

I would feel so proud if it was me and I was allowed to use the fancy paints. like so so important and everything I would love it so so much.

I can imagine it now. sock falling in slow motion.

yes thank fuck for that.

get a life of their own frrrr. high time considering their lives are just about to end.

herm and harry are my darlings honestlyyy

yes yes romione is so cute and awesome but I don't personally like fics about them fr.

OH MY GOD A CONSTELLATION TOTE ???? honestly you're so fucking awesome it's fucking coooolllll.

WIRELESS HEADPHONES 5ever fr fr. could never deal with the wires when I'm doing stuff.

LOVVVVERRRRR. ( a 5 ??? that's awesome !!!)

mine's that kind of red or a classic bright red. love them classics and everything I love it <33

it really really really was. (we're all good but we have matching scars now ! hey - tattoos right there ???)

no I loved it so so much I love it so fucking much it's cool as fuck. prize present <33

I'm literally the best friend ever he should bow down to me and my excellence. (no but I just got him all his favourite things and bro got super emotional and everything. )

YES I FEEL SO UNZIPPED WHEN I READ THAT SHIT I FUCKING LOVE IT SOOTHES ME. those kind of confession quotes will always be so dear to me.

YES YES U GET IT. favourite poem ever <33

the air is super crisp and everything feels mega real up there. like I am hyper-aware of the fact that I exist.

yes yes a locket like that is so so cute. she will keep it close to her heart trust <333

YES TIGERS. GO TIGERS.

horror movies & romcoms have my whole heart. rom-coms come first , but horror movies are a close second. (and horror-coms are lovely too !!!)

jily and jegulus are amazing. top-tier always.

reviewing your q's -

god bless u and ur immune system. the chosen 1 fr.

fate fate fate. I believe in destiny and fate and I love it because I really truly believe that I could bump into someone and fall in love. like it could so so happen. It will happen. manifesting the fuck out of it.

friendship break ups make me so so sad. like damn you don't want me anymore???? sad as fuck. (glad you both are doing good now !!!!)

WHAT A FUCING MOOD. same though. I think it's something in the air when I'm getting ready for school. like I get ten times more slugger in the morning I'm getting up for school like I really curse the fuck out of everyone and their mothers.i do it so often.

Peter Parker always <33333. I love them so so so much.(tom and toby and ANDREWWWWW)

(yes yes that's what I meant !!!) I so so need to fucking read it I swear I'll do it. I'm going to do it as soon as I have time honest.

homer is iconic you're so right. keep them guessing always and forever for reals.

I fall in love every time I look in the mirror. no but if we're being honest - me neither. I feel like it's coming though. I love love and I want to be in love too. (meeting the best people and carrying the memory of them forever >>>)

NO HONESTLY. man wearing hat ???? funny as fuckkkk.

not being able to go places because you have exams is so so so fucking annoying. like exams can go to hell (she cried for u ??? that's so sad and honest and sweet honestly best friend GOALS.)

talking shit about bitchy people with your best friend >>>> especially because it's always the darnedest things too and the best friends we have would never expect it and it's always so funny to shock them.

I honestly don't really mind jegulily. I think it's fun , and I might read a couple fics here and there but they'll never be my OTP. I love them , but jegulus and jily stay winning alwayssss.

'I hate the way I don't hate u. not even a little bit , not even at all.' my heartttt. and also Cameron is amazing and needs to be appreciated more.

q's -

now I love piercings (want at least 3 in each ear) but tattoos because to me they can hold much more meaning than a piercing. like it would be amazing and they just .... do stuff piercings can't. piercings still slap though.

loyalty to the people I love. like I've said this before , but I'd absolutely go feral if anything untoward happened to the people I love. i would genuinely fuck the aggressor up. like I genuinely feel like I saw a ten foot tall hunky muscle guy slap lu once , and I was there , I'd get so mad I'm pretty sure my sheer anger would scare him the fuck away. but I'd do it even if they were wrong. like if he says the sky is purple in front of people he doesn't like , then the sky is mf purple until we get home then I ask him what the fuck is going on.

the raising a single eyebrow one. I'm always making that facial expression. (I used to hang out with some pretty sus people and the things they used to say ..... shiver.) and of course the love heart ( where is my pink love heart , apple ?????? where is it ????) simply because I am a hopeless romantic.

acts of service !!! I will always do something like that for someone I love. like you need the groceries ??? not a single word more I'm going rn. also also love love giving gifts. like I really think them out .

SPIDERMANNNN. I love all 3 of them so so much I love the fuck out of them they're my favourites always always.

oh my god I couldn't possibly. but I could. (for each ship I have 1 or 2)

drarry - mental , temptation on the warfront.

jegulus - absentmindedly making me want you

dramione - wait & hope , isolation

wolfstar - of memories and milk thievery , lessen my load

nottpott (harry x theo nott) - rendevouz receipts , lethal combination

btw lethal combination is by the same author as the one who wrote the atlas six !!!! I love it so so much !!1 (nottpott is a guilty pleasure ship)

7. my favourite Disney movie is tangled always always <33333 unmatched. Pixar - UP (I fucking love it. it made me cry so so hard, I love it so so much)

8.i do both. like I have clear post-its , and sometimes I jot my notes down there , other times I have annotated the fuck out of them on the pages. in my copy of Gatsby , I have the word 'gay' written next to a lot of the times nick talks about Gatsby (maybe I'm biased but he was so in love with Gatsby.)

9.i'd love to be a black cat. mostly because I hate how they're said to be bad luck. like they're so sweet and cute and I just love them always. they're amazing. (plus being lazy and thinking they're better than everyone ??? so me honestly.)

10. dark academia !!! I so so so wanna live like that like it's the dream I love it so much. everything about it. the outfits , the scene , the vibes , the feel , the feeling that if I fall in love with someone , it'd kill me to be without them. I just LOVE it.

11. cinemas !!!! I love cinemas so much the vibes , the popcorn , the snacks I've snuck in , the way people clap when famous actors come onto screen >>>>

12. friday !!! end of the week , game night , no alarm to wake upto the next day . Friday has it all always. very dear and near to me <333

13.the lover !!!! no one was surprised by this honestly. it's very literally me. I am very much an idealist always looking for love wherever I can find it !!!

q's for uuuu -

which 1d member is your fave ?

top 5 Taylor songs ?

top Shakespeare quote ?

fave Shakespeare play ?

fave modern family character ?

style vs ootw?

cruel summer vs dress ?

fave tay tay lyric ?

controversial opinion you have ?

famous person you hate (not an obvious one like Kanye or John Mayer we all hate them they don't count) ?

sickest burn you've ever given ?

sickest burn you've ever got ?

moment when you wanted to slap liv's face the fuck off ?

moment you've been horrendously jealous ?

(beee beee beee I love u tonnes. sorry I've been so bad with replying. I'm so going back to normal after this I pinky promise. come back soon <3333333 I missed u!!!)

[yesimwriting]

Would you write a Kaz Brekker request where the reader is a bookworm and a crow and basically Kaz asks the reader to read to him as his way of apologizing after a argument that was his fault?

 it ​​a/n i did something kinda similar in a 'promise of rain' blurb,, but this concept is so cute to me:)) love it sm i moved it up my request cue lol

also IM IN COLLEGE NOW!! WHAT?? AND IVE BEEN TO A PARTY! AND IM JOINING A SORORITY AND I DID DRAMA AUDITIONS AND AHH !! SO DIFFERENT! I MISS MY MOM AND SISTER AND DOG AND EVEN MY DAD BUT IM HAPPY HERE!! 

also im a little worried this might not portray kaz superrrrr accurately bc it's been awhile so just let me know,, feedback leads to improvement:)) also kinda set this up for a part 2 bc...well youll see 

--

They've always said a lot of things about him, and I've always heard them. But I've never quite believed them. Sure, I get why the dark things that have flourished in the poisoned soil that is Ketterdam consider Kaz Brekker the darkest thing of all. I understand the nickname 'Dirtyhands' for the gloved criminal who has fooled each crime boss at least once. I understand each terrible thing they've said about him.

But I've never agreed with them. I've never even considered agreeing with them. Until today.

The thought that maybe everything people say about him is correct in a simple context struck me worse than the silence after our argument. It made me feel like both a fool and hypocrite. Kaz and I have had our fair share of spats over the relatively short time we've known each other, but never like this. Never so badly he stormed out of the room before I could. I squeeze the book in my lap even harder, desperate to focus on the words on the pages.

You didn't hurt him. He walked away because he decided you weren't worth the cost of his expensive time. I repeat those thoughts in my mind over and over again, letting them bitter me further. It's a lot easier to be mad than hurt. A lot easier to fuel your pain than try to understand your mistakes. Besides, tiredness is already dredging around in my chest and if I don't calm down a little I won't be able to fall asleep.

I had escalated the fight more than I should have. Knowing Kaz is like performing in a tightrope act. One must always be aware of where they're going. Watching what's in front of them without ever thinking too much about what's beneath or behind them. Today though, when I needed my balance most I chose to fall. I chose to dive, and apparently there was no net.

"Oh, you're doing that thing."

I roll my eyes at Jesper's voice as I fight down a yawn. I wipe my face with the back of my palm before turning. The burning behind my eyes never resulted in full tears, but I feel better after doing so. "What thing?"

"That terribly noble thing where you find it in yourself to take full blame for every single conflict you and boss man fall into." The slight humor in his voice is enough for me to roll my eyes again. "Between you and me, I'm sure the reason he's so angry now is because you didn't do that for once."

I press my lips together as my chin angles itself upwards slightly. "I never do that." He raises an eyebrow. The slight sympathy that colors the look is more offensive than his accusation. "If I pick and choose my battles, it's for good reason."

"Clearly."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

He shrugs once before further entering my room. I say nothing when he sits at the foot of my bed. "Oh, you know," Jesper stretches back casually, resting his back against the wall and extending his legs, "You and Kaz--Kaz and you."

Has he been drinking? Perhaps he's not here because of my unusual absence from downstairs after my fight with Kaz but because he's already too tipsy to think right. "What?"

At my confused look he grins, flashing all of his teeth with an arrogance that outshines the whiteness of them. He taps the still open book in my lap. "Let me put it in terms you'll understand." Jesper sits up a little further, amusement clear in his features. "You two make a shameful Elizabeth and Darcy--"

"Oh, shut up," I groan, glaring at him, "This isn't Pride and Prejudice. And Kaz and I," Jesper's smugness returns when I can't quite think of what I want to say, "We're barely friends--we're barely anything, let alone what you're implying."

Jesper pulls his legs up and shoves me gently. "Dearest, y/n," he ignores my glare, "You should know better than anyone that 'barely friends, barely anything' with Kaz is more than it is with anyone else?"

"That doesn't mea--"

"You two say goodnight to each other." Once. Kaz and I said good night to each other in front of Jesper once. How dare he assume it happens regularly? He's right, but that doesn't mean I'm okay with it. "You play cards with him. Not for money, not for skill--"

"It's for practice." The look Jesper gives me is enough to tell me that my defense didn't land.

Damn him for ever finding Kaz and I on one of those strange nights. One of those nights in which he lurks at the stairwell...the one that divides my room and his attic. One of those nights in which it feels like he's a phantom and I'm the only one that can really see him. A night in which we both silently find each other.

I couldn't quite believe it the first time it happened. I'm not exactly a Crow--I don't feel enough a connection to the Dregs to join them without some kind of guarantee--but I was needed for some obscure job. but I was needed for some obscure job. The Crows needed an insider who could blend into high society, and I needed a place to stay away from my father.

It worked. I worked. And with each passing day I found myself enjoying the Crows more and more. That's why I stayed. That's why I started checking the stairwell practically every night, a set of playing cards in my hand.

The first time had been awkward. I couldn't sleep and my room felt too quiet, but the rambunctious club felt too loud and a little unsafe considering the hour. So I settled for the only space in between. When Kaz found me sitting on the steps and playing a solitary card game I had been so stunned by embarrassment I just offered to deal him in. I had been more shocked when he silently accepted my offer.

"Practice?" Jesper repeats. "You were laughing, I heard you."

"That was one time--how do you know we didn't just happen to play cards together the one time you saw it?"

"Because you laughed about a play you considered 'predictable'."

Sighing, I sit up a little straighter. "I'm not having this conversation. Occasionally saying 'goodnight' to someone who lives in the same space I live in and sometimes playing cards with said person because we both happen to be up at a certain time doesn't mean anything."

"And the way he looked at the contact that was flirting with you?"

Oh...this conversation again. "For the last time, the contact wasn't flirting with me. We had to dance to blend in and when he leaned towards me to whisper in my ear...it was to tell me the intel Kaz just had to have."

"And when he tucked that strand of hair behind your ear?"

"He just wanted to sell our cove--"

"Y/n, he kissed your cheek and I'm fairly certain he would have kissed you if Kaz and I hadn't made it to the corridor at that second."

Why is everyone so obsessed with what would have never happened? The contact had been attractive, tall with fair eyes and hair. But it's not like I feel anything for him, nor would I have been so foolish during a job. A fact that Kaz refuses to believe. I'm tired of this argument...I'm just tired. This job required me to start getting ready early in the morning and lasted long into the night.

"I wouldn't have kissed him and even if I had, the fact that Kaz is so mad about feels...sexist." A stupid argument, considering that Kaz couldn't care less if the person he's working with is female, male, or anything in between because the only thing he cares about is profit. "It's a stupid thing to be mad about, but you hit on anything with a pulse at any time and--"

"I resent that--"

"For the first two weeks I was here I thought you might've been a prostitute."

I can feel him holding in a laugh. "Did you at least think I was a good prostitute?" When I glare again, he finally actually laughs. "Not the point--got it."

"Then what is the point? You're bored and obsessed with gossip so now you're shaking me for information you don't need."

"The point is you're oblivious." Rude...I move my leg in a weak attempt to push him off my bed. Jesper catches my ankle easily, ignoring my attempt at a fight. "You thought the contact was only doing his job and you don't know the real reason that Kaz blew up at you for the first time the way he blows up at everyone."

"Okay, well since you know everything, tell me why he's mad."

He lets out a sigh like he can't believe I even needed to ask that. "It's not the best look that the first time you let him pick a fight with you happens to be about some guy."

...Maybe he is drunk? "Don't be so cryptic. I don't like you enough to put up with that."

Jesper half-sighs again before pushing himself off my bed. "I'm going to pretend I think you're smart enough to piece things together from that."

"Asshole," I mumble instinctually as he walks towards my door. "Are you not telling me because I tried to push you off the bed?"

He turns when he reaches my door in order to lean against my door frame. "It's not not because of that." I should throw my book at his head. "In all seriousness, think about it. If you don't you'll either kill each other or kill me."

Ugh...he's so confusing. This time, I let him go. He leaves he door open, which is beyond annoying. I stand up to close it, promising myself I will focus on my book the second it's in my hands again. As I walk back towards my bed, my eyes land on the deck of cards on my nightstand.

Does it send a signal I don't want to send if I don't go the stairwell tonight? Do I want to send a signal? I don't know...actually, the only thing I know is that I don't want to think about this a second longer. I don't ease as I read, but my eyelids become heavier with each word they cross. I feel the weight of them as my focus slips, farther and farther away until I can no longer focus. When my eyes fall shut I can't bring myself to think or force them open.

--

I notice my surprised before I register that I've just woken up. Falling asleep feels so far and yet the crick in my neck confirms the obvious. Rubbing the eyes with the back of my hand, I push my book from my lap and sit up. The only indication of how much time has passed is how much my bedside candle has melted.

How long have I been asleep? How did I manage to fall asleep? I thought I was too mad at Kaz to manage anything but pouting in my room. I hadn't even decided if I wanted to talk to him.

I stand even though I haven't decided anything. I should at least change if I want to go to bed. But is leaving this alone for even longer a bad idea? I think Jesper thought so...though my conversation with him is far from clear. It's not the best look that the first time you let him pick a fight with you happens to be about some guy. I'm going to pretend I think you're smart enough to piece things together from that. What does he want me to do with that?

Maybe he was partially intoxicated and felt the need to play the role of a good friend. Or maybe this is his idea of a joke.

Whatever--regardless of Jesper, I have a choice to make. A tiny part of me hopes it's insignificant, but I know Kaz enough to know that nothing is insignificant to him. He holds onto things the way he holds onto his kruge. Perhaps I'll seek out Inej, she seems to be the best at rationalizing. Though she might be asleep by now, or on a job or...I don't even know.

How late is it? Is it late enough to be one of the few hours Kaz claims to reserve for sleep? Maybe my bad luck is still around and he's already in bed for once. Does that mean his anger will extend to tomorrow?

I shouldn't care. It's not like I'm in the wrong. Did I escalate things? Maybe a little...but I won't apologize for defending myself. Even though that makes everything a little easier. I feel stuck, like in some kind of place of half sleep. A single knock at my door is enough to make me want to jump. I rub my eyes a little more firmly in hopes of waking up more before someone sees me.

I approach the door without worry. Maybe it's not as late as I assumed. Or maybe it's really early? I open the door while still fighting against my slight disorientation. I'm so focused on acting normal, I almost don’t register the person standing at my door. 

I don’t know who I expected, or what--maybe Jesper, much more tipsy than he was before, slumped against the doorframe, only knocking because he’s too tired to push the door open. Maybe even Inej, on her way here to deliver some kind of job or notice of dismissal. But it’s nothing I could expect. It’s...Kaz. 

The Dirtyhands stands at my door, expression as hard as ever yet something behind his eyes that burns the sleep away from me. “Uh--hi.” I bite my tongue to avoid cringing at that very awkward beginning. “Are you here to kick me out yourself?” The only response I get is the slightest shift of his gaze off of my face. “No? Well then I think I’m going to bed. It’s late.” 

My tone and words are clear. Get out of my doorway, I’m in no mood to go back to arguing.  When he still doesn’t say anything, I’m emboldened by my nerves. I push the door between us without breaking eye contact. 

Before the wood can meet the doorframe, he moves his cane, wedging it between us. “Y/n.” I don’t understand the way he says my name, but I’m certain he’s never said it like that. “I...” When he’s not prompted by the uncomfortableness of silence, I raise an eyebrow, my grip on the door tightening. “What I said shouldn’t have been said.” Wait--is he admitting fault? I’m so thrown I almost melt entirely. “Not to you.” 

The addition leaves him so lowly a part of me wonders if I’ve imagined it. I’m so thrown by it I don’t even think to reply until a long second has passed. “You seemed to believe the opposite a few hours ago.” 

His lips press together for a moment. “You didn’t ask me to play cards tonight.” He took that as intentional? At least that got me some kind of apology? I keep my mouth shut, greed making me want more information. I guess he must sense my silent tugging because he head inclines slightly. “Don’t push.” 

I fight down a grin. “Push what?” His only response to stiffen further. “I’m going to tell you something as a peace offering.” That seems to intrigue him in some way. I can’t tell if it’s a good kind of interested, but I note the slight raise of his eyebrows and his intentional silence. “I didn’t chose not to ask you to play cards.” He gives me no indication of anything, which is fair...considering my vagueness. “I was mad, obviously, and in the middle of deciding on a course of action...and then I fell asleep.” 

A long pause of silence. “You fell asleep?” 

I’m not sure if his incredulous tone should offend me or not. If I wanted to lie, I’d like to think he knows me well enough to know that I’d have thought of a better excuse than that. Or at least a less embarrassing one. “Yes, it’s not that difficult to believe. Today had been long and all I wanted to do was read, but then Jesper came in to say the oddest things and then leave me to...” 

Oh--oh. I guess there’s a reason people say to ‘sleep on’ something. Because now, actively remembering Jesper’s words for the first time since I fell asleep...I understand what Jesper was implying in the oddest way possible. He meant that Kaz and I...that perhaps there is a Kaz and I in a context that’s more than just grammatical. Wow. I really had to realize this with Kaz right in front of me. 

My face feels warmer than it did before, an irrational bout of anxiety forcing me to consider that me might be able to read impossible, embarrassing thoughts from my expression alone. 

“What did Jesper say?” I’m too lost in my own spiral of confusion and panic and some feeling I can’t recognize to register how Kaz asks his question. There’s an edge to it, an odd one, but that could easily just be Kaz. 

This is most definitely the last conversation we need to be having. I’m still mad at him for his earlier dramatics. So I just shake my head, feigning an exhaustion I could lose myself in. “Nothing and everything all at once.” I resist the urge to rub my eyes again. “I’m pretty sure he was drinking, and I wasn’t really listening. I was just trying to read.” 

Kaz’s expression hardens briefly as he takes in my words, and then he exhales, nodding once with the breath. “What were you reading?” 

My lips part instinctually, ready to spew off details about the latest novel that’s captured my attention. But before I can let myself take off, the reality of the situation strikes me directly in the chest. This is not Nina, or Inej, or even Jesper after what he considers a ‘good night’. This is Kaz Brekker, the man believed to not have a soul. I’ve spoken to him before about casual things, though most of the nights in which we end up playing cards or just sitting near each other are spent in silence. But he’s never prompted me before. Not in the one topic he knows is guaranteed to turn me into an overenthusiastic, gushing fountain of poor summaries and character analysis. 

I guess this is his peace offering. This shouldn’t warm the way it does. He was still unbelievably dramatic and treated me like I’m some kind of unreliable fool. “It’s late, and you know how I can be. I’d hate to keep you for nothing more than a poor summary and honestly, an embarrassing rant about plot or characters, because there’s just nothing as frustrating as when two people so clearly care about each other and both are too stubborn and oblivious to acknowledge it.” 

Kaz’s eyebrows draw together just enough for me to be able to make out a shift of expression in the poor light. Perhaps his lingering irritation is preparing to rear its ugly head. The corner of his mouth seems to threaten to tilt upwards as Kaz angles his head to the side slightly. “I can’t imagine that position.” 

No kidding. I bite my tongue to keep the sarcastic comment and awkward laugh that would sure follow it away. “Who can? That’s like half the point of reading.” 

How can interaction feel so over and just at its beginning all at once? I press my lips together to avoid filling the silence with things I’d no doubt instantly regret. It’s easy to be mad at Kaz in the moment. Too easy. But to stay mad at him when his temper has passed and he returns with some kind of begrudging and admittedly awkward and uncertain truce is another task entirely. 

“I’ve never understood your attachment to written words.” 

“It’s not about understanding, it’s about everything else.” 

“And you say I’m cryptic.” Is he...kinda almost joking? I straighten my spine, too tired to fight and too wounded to forgive. “There’s understanding in everything, nothing can survive on sentiment alone.” 

“If you read the way I did, you’d understand.” 

His lips press together as his expression remains unwavering in its hardness. “Read to me.” 

...Interacting with Kaz in any way often leaves me feeling like I’m wandering through unknown territory. But this, this is undeniably different. So different I can’t even think of a way to react. I watch his expression as cautiously as possible. He’s purely reserved, no distinction from the look he wears during business propositions. Except there’s a tightness I can’t quite understand.

Maybe it’s because I don’t want to fight anymore. Maybe it’s because exhaustion is leaving me partially delirious. Or maybe it’s the weird feeling in my chest that I can’t quite place. That I don’t want to place. “Okay.” I shift carefully. “If for no other reason then to prove you wrong.” 

Never did I think I’d end up in the position of sitting in my bed, book in hand, with Kaz Brekker sitting next to me. But here we are. I’m so tired, I almost let out a nervous laugh when he first walked in. So brooding and tall, gripping the head of his head cane as he sits at the foot of my bed, on my pastel quilt. 

I’m glad for the excuse to keep my gaze away from him and on the words in front of me. I read out loud, feeling more and more comfortable with each page I finish. But as my inhibitions slip away, so dos my hold on consciousness. My eyelids seem to grow heavier with each word that I read. 

“You’re falling asleep.” 

I straighten my spine on instinct. “Am not.” I’m not sure why I feel the need to deny something so simple. 

“You’re impossible.” 

From him, that statement is laugh worthy. “I’m impossible? Do you not remember earlier today?” 

From the way his jaw locks, I realize that he’s in no mood to be light about this topic. I don’t understand why. It’s not like I’m the one that wronged him. “I remember your lack of focus.” 

Keeping my hands at my side to avoid rubbing my eyes, I frown. “If you want to have this argument again, fine. Jesper is more ‘distracted’ than me half the time and you’re much more lenient on him. It’s not like I was flirting with someone or gambling or doing anything but having a two second conversation. One that I needed to have to get information that you wanted.” 

The last time we fought, I had more energy to restrain myself. This could be atomic. I hold my breath, waiting for Kaz’s retaliation. He exhales, eyes not meeting mine. “Arguing with you when you’re present is exhausting enough. It’s not worth it when you’re half asleep.” 

This angers me further. I hate that he’s right. “I’m not half asleep.” He leaves it at that. I glare even harder at him, slumping further into my bed. “But for the sake of argument, I’ll drop it. Something you’re incapable of doing.” 

At that, his eyes meet mine. I try to hold his gaze, but the harder I think about not seeming tired the more exhaustion slips in. A yawn escapes me before he looks away. Great. “I know when to lie in the grass in wait.” 

Rolling my eyes, I shift back slightly. He’s incapable of being less dramatic than this. Still, I can’t imagine the effort it’s taking on his part to not start an argument. Maybe this is why Jesper spent so long implying that there may be a Kaz and I in any capacity beyond a vague kind of friendship. “I’ll admit you’re tactful.”

“Resourceful people recognize that trait in other people.” 

Blinking twice, I lower my book slightly. Am I truly exhausted, or did he just compliment me in a way? “Careful, I may start to think you find me tolerable.” 

“Let’s not exaggerate.” Okay, now I know I’m exhausted because I think he might have just attempted a joke. Rolling my eyes, I decide not to acknowledge this lightness in fear that I’ll scare it away. “Y/n?” 

I press my lips together, worried about the destruction of our peace. “Yes?” 

“What did Jesper say to you? Earlier?” I pause, slightly unsure why we’re moving backwards. 

We’re in a decent place now, and I’d hate to ruin it. I’m too half asleep to lie eloquently. And it’s not like he’s an easily convinced man. “Oh, he said it so cryptically it took me longer than it should have to understand. And it didn’t help that it was something so...well, you might find it funny. As funny as you find anything, anyways.” Wow...I’ve spent such a long time talking. Rubbing the back of my eyes, I avoid his gaze. Exhaustion and awkwardness mix in my stomach oddly. “It seemed like he was trying to imply that you and I...me and you...” Why is this a difficult thing to say? It’s not like I was implying it and Jesper’s known for his oddness. “I think Jesper was implying that there was a you and I, or at least that there could be.” I’m too lost in a haze of almost sleep to watch his reaction. I let my head rest against my headboard even further. “Isn’t that odd?” 

He’s quiet for a long second, and then he finally speaks again. “Odd, even for Jesper.” The response doesn’t satiate me...what’s that about? I exhale, deciding that feeling is tomorrow’s problem. When I blink, I decide to let my eyes stay closed. Just for a moment. The sound of something shifting is what makes my eyes squint open. Kaz is standing, his expression unreadable as he straightens. “Goodnight, y/n.” 

At that, I sit up slightly, ignoring the exhaustion behind my eyes. “I haven’t finished the chapter.” 

“You’ve convinced me of enough.” A concession? How exhausted do I seem? My lips press together as I think of my next argument. Before I can get it out, Kaz leans forward. He grabs the quilt at the end of my bed and tosses it onto my legs casually. “Goodnight, y/n.” The meaning of his repetition is clear. His word is final. 

I find enough energy to manage a glare, but I pull the quilt over my legs anyways. “Goodnight, Kaz.”

[nyan-koii]

Hashira ft. Sabito as genshin impact players

aunotes : Bad grammar ahead! I didnt proofread it so be aware of brain damage. plus i initially wrote it at the 1.6 update

PART 1 : T.Muichiro, R.Kyojuro, K.Shinobu, S.Sanemi, U.Tengen 

Muichiro : he probably would be uninterested at first. He's more to first person shooting game or anything other than this concept of farming or investing. So that's why when he saw yuichirou banging his fist on his desk, trying to get his fav character, he would simply just watch

"Fck this game, i've had enough,"

"But you havent finish your wishing things yet,"

Stares. "How about you give it a try mui. You might get the character i want,"

"You sure about that? You might get angry at me," "better than nothing. Now go go, get em you donkey,"

His first ten pulls on the game brings out a light we all want to see

"Eh is tha-" "AAAA A FUCKING 5 STAR FCK FCKFCK,"

Apparently, it was one of the luckiest wish yuichiro had ever seen so far

"OHMYFUCK, you GOT A GODDAMN KLEE, QIQI AND SUCROSE WTFF???"

"I think i get your fav character?"

"Yeahh!! More than that to be honest. I want klee but you brought me two more person," sniffles and cries "you're really lucky mui. You should try and play the game,"

"It's probably the system. I doubt im that lucky tho,"

Nah, he really is lucky. Apparently he wished for his friends and got what they all really wanted for so long

"Thank you for getting me the aquila favonia, muichiro,"

"It's nothing really. I just simply press the button. It might be the system that's giving you the thing you want when i wish,"

"But still, even if i were to wish, i can get really scared and paranoid over it,"

"That's bad. You shouldnt invest yourself that much in the game tanjiro. It's just a game,"

"Ehehehe, i guess so. But you're really good at it muichiro! If you download it, we can play together :D!"

!!!!

It took the word "play together" to get muichiro down on his knee for that game. Usually the idea of playing with your friends is not that interesting. So when tanjiro said that, you bet he's going to play it

Type of player

Extremely lucky it's not even real. He got a five star on the beginner's banner

Fast farming. He probably will complete all the quest and become an endgame player within one month

"I just wanted to play with tanjiro..." bashfully

He's really good with whatever he's doing. Attack combo, dodging, elemental reaction and all sorts of stuff. If he invest more of his time on artifacts, he would probably even one shot it!!

He's very lucky. Very

Kyojuro : he wouldnt even know the existence of this game. Well, he took a glimpse of it one day and boom, heart stolen. Maybe it was the fiery burning passion in bennett that made him play the game.

'oh wow!! What a determined young boy! Even though he has a very bad luck he still keep pushing forward! Amazing!!'

'I want to be like him'

Kyojuro's the type of player to read and pay attention to every single lore of his fav character. Bennett, oh my how he wish he could've had bennett in his team. Every wishes he made would make him a c6 bennett main if only barbara wont stop coming home

"I really like you barbara but i dont want you!! Thank you for the c6 though!! I promise to use you in the future but just-" he prepares to wish

"not NOW!!" Clicks

The highest con of bennett he had ever gotten is probably c1. One day the paimon's bargain shop offered bennett as their monthly character. Kyojuro had never been so excited over a game before. He usually perks up over academics and not this kind of thing. But it's bennett, the character he admires the most.

Unfortunately he couldnt get it due to low currency. He had never feel so sad in his life.

"I shall not give up. Dont worry, i will be a c6 bennett main!!!"

He will be a c6 bennett haver!!

Type of player :

Carefully reads every stories and listens to their lines attentively. He finds it amazing how the company spent their everything on this game. It amazes him. From the stories, lores and lines, he truly appreciates it.

Balance his team pretty well. He mains bennett so he doesnt need that much of a healer in his team.

Enjoys bennett's hangout very much!! He tried to not get him killed by the dungeon's trap but ended up having to sacrifice him which ultimately ends the route. He had never felt so down and guilty before.

Not much of a damage dealer. He prefers to play it in normal mode and doesnt care that much about one shotting monster.

He feeds his character three meals a day!! If only there's a sleep option, he would be sending bennett to sleep first before the rest.

Everyone loves his teapot

Shinobu : found the game while she's scrolling through the app store out of boredom. Initially she played it on her phone but due to the fps and a really bad ping, so bad that douma wouldnt find her interesting anymore, she finally downloaded the game on her pc where things has starting to get real

"Ara, shinobu chan, it's lunch time already. Come downstairs please,"

"Sis give me five more minutes, JUST FIVE PLEASE I NEED TO KICK CHILDE's ASS,"

"he's not going anywhere sweetie,"

"yEAHH BUT MY BP IS,"

'Bp?'

"DIE DIE DIE!!" Aggresive clicking intensifies

"Shinobu chan dont hurt the keyboard that much!!"

She got lucky on the beginner's banner too and pulled a 5 star along with bennett and noelle. Who's the 5 star? Diluc Ragnvindr in all of his glory. Shinobu benched him sadly. She prefers sword over any other weapon

"I mean he's cool i guess but i just really dont get that 'WOAHHH COOL' vibe from him you know?"

"then give your diluc to me! I really want him so bad shinobu chan!"

Deep sighs "yeah sure. You can have my c2 diluc mitsuri..."

Loses 50/50 to diluc everytime everyone would think she either is lucky or cursed by the amount of that man greeting him on the screen. She still bench him though, sadly

"Im begging you, give me jEANN THE GRANDMASTER I NEED HEALER iN MY PARTY TO DO ABYSS

Type of player :

Suffers a lot in the abyss because she just want the primos which is a valid reason to do because that's the only thing that keeps her going

She's a sword character main. She'll properly build every character as either support or dps. The support would be kaeya and bennett, and her main dps ayaka

Ayaka main btw

Honestly at some point she wanted to quit the game because of how tiring it is but then inazuma came out

Fragile resin = 0

Resin = 160/160 happens once in a blue moon

"i should probably control myself with the amount of resin i've used,"

"But i cant,"

Hates domain but always can be seen playing in there

Only coops if mitsuri is there

"So that someone can calm me down,"

"That's not a really good reason shinobu chan,"

Sanemi : dude probably know the game through obanai. He watched the latter play and finds it interesting on how high the numbers he dealt. He loves challenges so a game like genshin impact would probably satisfy his need.

"Obanai, are you hearing this shit?"

"What is it sanemi, im busy doing this event,"

"That loser giyuu is also playing the game,"

"Oh yeah i know,"

"YOU KNOW? WHY YOU DIDNT TELL ME??"

"i just know right after you told me,"

"...."

Sanemi's a meta but a mediocre one. He's meta but he doesnt show it that much. Probably buys welkin once in every three months or when he really needs it same goes with battle pass too. Honestly, he really just use his money when he really needs something

"Donno if my allowance can buy me a welkin so i'll probably skip,"

"But the next banner is zhongli's,"

"....."

"Ah fuck it," buys

My man cant dodge after he got zhongli. Its very painful because he used to studies the enemies movement in the early game so that he can utilizes it on the team but zhongli's shield is so tank he forgot that dodging exists

"Im gonna kill you and you and you hhahaahhaah just you wait im gonna shred all of yo- oh shit zhongli's shield. puT IT BACK PUT IT BACK ON,"

That one event where zhongli's shield plays an important role in the domain? Yeah, he felt like a god at that time. Even got his c2 on his rerun. Sanemi just really like zhongli because it kinda reminds him of himejima. Calm and wise and strong too. He looks up on that kind of person

"Zhongli sama, im in debt for all of your hard work protecting my team," bows and wipes tears

Type of player :

Spends a little money on the game to get what he wants

Zhongli main

Is that one player that has hoards of food but doesnt even use it

"Why need healer when you have zhongli's shield,"

Compare to kyojuro, he doesnt even touch the teapot because he finds it ridiculous and bothersome to create and design everything in it

Loves one shotting bosses and compares it to giyuu. He ask for advices from obanai regarding team build supports and stuffs

Doesnt do character's story quest. The key is full every single time. He unlocks it but leaves the quest like that.

"Ah shit, i accidentally activate the quest,"

His friend list only has obanai in it. Whenever people sent him friend request, he wouldnt hesitate, more like wouldnt care to accept it

They either have to coop in obanai's world or his world and after that, unfriend immediately

Says thank you after coop because he has manners and then completely disappears

"Zhongli main forever,"

Tengen : played since 1.0 this madlad has been staying loyal to the game ever since. Quite huge amount of money he spend on this game to be honest but he never gets broke by it. You can see his regular donation to the game by purchasing welkin and battle pass and some genesis crystal too. He's loaded with money, he didnt know what to do with it.

Uzui also plays honkai impact and guns girl Z so when he saw the unknown god at the intro , he was not surprised.

"Oh we have to pick between the siblings? Cool cool co- oh hi kiana,"

"Thats so herrscher of void hahahahah,"

Although he is a loyal fan to MihoYo games, he lost his composure when he saw the 1st genshin anniversary reward because what was that. Imagine getting billions of money and they give us this? Tengen cant believe this shit

"Oh god wtf was that reward, i have to draw to get a welkin and some primos?? aND I ALSO HAVE TO BE LUCKY? WHAT-"

"WHERE'S MY FREE MONA,"

In need of mona. He needs mona so bad he literally spent his money on standard banner to get mona but always ends up with qiqi. Not that he's complaining but he just wants the astrologist to complete the support team

"GOD QIQI YOU AGAIN? WTF WFF WTF-" converts genesis crystal to primigems

"Tengen, you should control yourself!"

"SHUT UP KYOJURO, IM GONNA WASTE MY MONEY TILL I GET HER,"

"yeah but my f2p ass is hurting with how many bennett cons you got," droops

Tengen sees potential in every character. Everyone has their weakness and strength so when kokomi comes out, he diss her at first but then realize maybe its a new way for a character. Adds the uniqueness if he may say so.

"Meh i dont care honestly. You guys should pull whoever you find nice or beautiful. Like me ;)"

"Who do you main uzui?"

"Beidou,"

Type of player

Spoils the storylines, lores, leaks A LOT THE REST HAVE TO BLOCK HIM ON SOCIAL MEDIA

Speed runs the game and has become an endgame player ever since but he still does his daily commission and helps people with domains and stuffs

R5 every battle pass weapon

Fights azhdaha for fun and to test out his characters rather than ruin guards and stuff

Mona wanter

Puts traveller as the pfp and doesnt display any showcase of his characters and namecards. You can only see his achievements and spiral abyss ( 12-3 ). Says its for fun and mystery

Throws a lot of pickup lines and roleplays a lot. Spams your chatbox messages with stickers and censored stuffs

Probably steals your ores and exotic things like violetgrass, qingxin and silk flowers

Screams in the chatbox whenever he saw Mona until Kyojuro had to calm him down

Changes signature every single time and sometimes put spoilers in it

In every survey he would complain "MihoYo where the fuck is my Mona,"

Doesnt heals his characters

[spacecadetal]

fireworks

kakashi hatake/fem!reader

word count: 2774 warnings: descriptions of violence, descriptions of blood, descriptions of killing, alcohol use author notes: i wanted to write something a little different than i usually would i kinda got a little tired of my wips lol

the first time i saw him, i was eight years old with a shy curiosity about the world. long story short, his shoulder collided with my own. he wasn’t watching where he was going and neither was i, the hard jolt gave me such a fright that i yelled at him to watch where he was going. i had too much pride to admit i was at fault, lost in a daydream once again. he shared my reaction and my sentiment. saying i should watch myself too with great annoyance in his tone. i scoffed, he huffed, we went our separate ways.

i had always heard his name but never connected the dots until i was much older but still not much wiser. he was a prodigy, i was painfully just above average. as a bright eyed genin, i was out in the world and only starting to understand the true meaning of the path i chose at the naive age of six. his squad was babysitting my own on a mission. his mentor stands next to mine and introduces us and my face sours immediately. unlike him i don’t have a mask to hide it. he avoids me for the whole mission but his teammates are nice.

his red eye was making waves around the world, he was a myth and enemies across the land waited in anticipation for the day to come where they could finally see it in the flesh. great gain had come with great loss, i’m sure he wishes the second hand eye was back with its original owner. i remember the first time i saw him lift up his headband and expose it to the world. the blood red eye and it’s black swirls, chills shoot down my spine like pins and needles. engaging with an enemy was pure violence, animalistic and messy yet he made it seem so graceful. 

the pines and the dark forest disappear before my eyes; now he stands on a wooden stage with his foe, dancing under a spotlight. every dodge and weave is smooth and flawless. his strikes felt as natural and as quick as a snake striking at its prey. i watch his performance with a disregard for my own safety and when the last of our enemies hit the dirt, i wait for him to bow. instead he shakes the blood off his kunai and the famous eye is tucked away under his headband. i think i fell in love with him that afternoon.

the girl who died, her name was rin and that one time her team babysat mine, she braided my hair by a campfire and said i had a pretty name. she didn't deserve to die. they whisper about him when he walks by, terrible nasty things. but i smile at him, wave to him when i see him and hope it makes him feel less alone in the world. he sees it and he averts his gaze without reply or acknowledgement. rejection makes my chest tighten, if only slightly. naturally i assume he doesn’t like me, maybe he doesn’t like anyone. 

i'm in a village with my squad for a mission, it’s small but the green tea in the wooden cup and the smell of rabbit stew on the stovetop makes me feel at home. the excited teenage boy asks me about the things i've seen. the only thing he knows is chopping wood and shearing sheep. he asks me about a rumour he’s heard by a traveller about the boy that conjures lightning in his hand, he asks me if i've seen it before in the flesh. i smile and nod and confirm that i have. he asks me to describe it. i don't know how to at first.

first, you hear the static snapping and popping and it captures your attention instantly. then the pale blue light grows bigger and bigger in his hand, it takes on a life of its own and i won’t lie and say that it doesn’t make my heart beat out of my chest but he tames it like a wild beast, he has complete control. if you stand off to the side, you can watch the show. lightning surrounds him but he is never burnt. he’s like a god when he strikes, i've never seen something so terrifying but beautiful. he's beautiful. but i don’t tell the teenage boy that and i dont tell him that sometimes the loud crackle of his chidori haunts me when im alone. 

when i'm a chunnin, i feel much older than i am. it's not due to the title of my rank but because i keep plunging my kunai into grown men’s hearts and have to pretend it doesn’t faze me to see blood squirting from punctured arteries. i don't see him around the village much anymore. he lives in the darkness, in the shadows but sometimes he comes out into the light. he's grown so much older and taller and i think he looks handsome in his gear. toned arms and biceps and that tattoo on his left upper arm, the one that tells the world where his loyalties lie. walking past him, i prepare to feel the chill of his icy demeanor but i say his name, wave and smile. the only one of his eyes that sees the world widens and the veins of his arms bulge at my greeting, i can’t see his hands because they’re stuffed in his pockets. he always looks away but this time, for the smallest of seconds, he nods in my direction and then he is gone.

when the nine tailed beast attacks the village, i am kept away from the battle in a forest with the rest of the ninja around my age. he’s there, standing by his friend who talks and talks. i like his friend, he always greets me with enthusiasm. i try to ignore the sounds of my village being destroyed and the screams of the unfortunate dying people as i am powerless to do anything. my eyes move on their own in his direction only to find he has the same idea. for a moment, air leaves my lungs and i nod politely before i look away. his eyes meet mine one, two, three times. that night my home was buried under a mountain of rock and rubble and he lost the last person that knew the true extent of the damage this world had inflicted on him. 

the elderly lady at the stall with the hair clips told me i've grown into a beautiful young lady and i blush at her comment and insist it isn’t so. she tells me i must have a lot of boys' attention and i buy the deep blue hair clip with the faux sapphire gem. it stands out in my dark hair. it's been a long time since my house was crushed and a long time since he’s sat in the dango store with his friends but here’s there when i walk by. the compliment has me on cloud nine and i'm glad he’s not alone anymore. i smile at the group, say ‘ hey guys ’ and wave. for a millisecond my eye catches his as i'm walking by and my mind plays tricks on me. i think i see his cheeks tinge red.

kurenai came up to me one summer's morning and asked if i was attending the festival. i told her i was but likely alone. maybe i wasn’t such a pretty girl, no fish ever nibbled on the hook of the fishing pole i cast into the waters. her boyfriend looked bored as we spoke and her crimson eyes smile when she brings up the boy with the silver hair’s name, pretending she doesn’t notice my breath hitch for the slightest of moments. ‘ you should ask him, he’s not going with anyone either ’ she tells me and then she drags her boyfriend away. i sit alone on the cliffs for an hour thinking it through, my knees up to my chin as i wonder why she would suggest such a thing. iwashi is pissed that i'm twenty minutes late to meet up with them.

his group joins up with mine hours later and i greet him as i always do. he stands off to the side and plays with his hands and every time i catch his eye he looks as if he wants to say something to me. they say love feels like butterflies but when my eyes meets his, those butterflies turn into angry bees. i want to say something to him too, ask him where his friend got the idea that i should ask him to go with me but the bees within me sting and their venom prevents me from opening my mouth. i avert my gaze and pretend to listen to genma when he talks about his favourite order of ramen. 

we all part ways but we’re together again within the hour and i'm waiting nervously at the spot kurenai told me to come back to. my yukata is the colour of lapis and white periwinkles decorate the sleeves and i wonder if i look plain compared to the girls around me dressed in passionate pinks, gentle purples, and bold reds. he doesn’t see me at first but i see him. his yukata is dark grey with light thin stripes and it compliments his bright silver hair wonderfully. it’s the first time i've seen his hair down and his long strands are wild and stick out all over the place, i think i fall in love with him all over again. hes alone and i don’t dare to approach but he finally sees me. he waves, i nod. he's so handsome that i can’t stand to look at him so i don’t.

it’s dark and explosions of many colours light up the sky. i'm so distracted by the loud boom echoing off the hills and the blue, red, white and green lights on a black landscape that i don’t notice he's standing right beside me watching it too. knuckles lightly brush against my own, my chest tightens at the sensation. it’s distracting enough that i tear my eyes away from the sky show. they’re as wide as a possum when i meet his gaze. he doesn’t say anything, he just stares for a moment before he looks back at the fireworks. it was an accident and i forgive and forget but then his fingers awkwardly hook around my own, clinging for dear life. i cannot look, i cannot think nor speak. i hold my breath and blink rapidly while i cling onto his fingers just as tightly. when the fireworks are finished, we consider each other in silence for a minute. his hand leaves mine and we part ways without a word.

every time i see him, i see fireworks and feel the ghost of his fingers wrap around my own. he acknowledges me and we’re rarely left alone around each other; when we are we do not speak of it. we lean against a railing side by side and watch our friends fool around. courageously i say to him that the weather is nice today and he nods in agreement before his friend calls him over. when he leaves my side, his knuckles brush past mine once more. i jump in surprise and tell myself it was another forgivable accident but then he glances back at me as he walks away and i can’t be too sure. 

i am frozen still in a shrub waiting for the enemy to pass by. the sound of my heartbeat in my ears is so loud but suddenly it is replaced with the familiar crackle of electricity that haunted my dreams for the longest of times. when i turn around i see a man gasping for life, holding on tightly to the kunai i imagined would have been plunged into the nape of my neck if it wasn’t for the ball of lightning sizzling away in his chest. the man’s body drops to the ground and i finally see him standing there in the man’s place, his lower arm is soaked with blood from the fatal strike. he takes my hand and helps me onto my feet. that famous red eye is hiding behind a porcelain hound mask and he asks me if i'm okay. i assure him i am and thank him, he nods his head in reply and walks away. i don’t mind that he’s left my hand stained with our enemy’s blood. 

when i am given the rank of jonin i am months away from being twenty. i’m not allowed to drink just yet but my older friends buy bottles of sake to share in the park and i accept the invitation without giving it much thought. it’s sweet on my tongue and goes down smoothly, the aftertaste reminds me of potatoes for some strange reason i can’t put my finger on. i drink and i drink until half a bottle is gone and my cheeks are red and i laugh too loudly at asuma’s lame jokes. the stars are beautiful tonight but they just look like streaks of light in my blurry vision. i lay in the grass, my head feels light and my stomach slightly churns. out of nowhere he is in my line of sight, standing over me with a touch of concern on the features that aren’t hidden away. he asks me if i'm okay and i say i'm just fine and i think to myself that i'm glad to see him. 

when he takes me home, he lectures his friends that i'm too young to get drunk and they reply that i'll be old enough in a couple of months and it doesn’t make that much of a difference. he doesn’t mind my drunken babbling and how my head leans on his shoulder as we walk slowly through the dimly lit streets. his grip around my waist is tight and i try not to say something foolish like the way he fights is a form of art or that i want him to hold my hand again. he drops me off at the door and leaves once i am inside safely. i pass out that night thinking of the ways i want to be his.

i am twenty one when he leaves the anbu and i see him on the streets alone. his nose is in a book and he doesn’t notice as i walk by. i fight the urge to turn around and ask him how he’s going, i’ll be late to meet up with my old squad to train if i do. later when i walk home, i stare off into the distance and think about making dinner and sharpening my collection of kunai when i collide with something hard. i jump out of fright at the impact, ready to snap when two hands land on my shoulders to secure me in place. we’re not kids anymore and he smiles at me and apologises even when i'm at fault. i ask him how he’s been and he says he’s been just fine. he walks me home and we talk about missions and his new role as a squad leader. on my doorstep he says he’ll see me around and then he is gone and i am left greedily wanting more of his time.

one day when we are standing alone he tells me he is in love with me. it is is out of the blue and i brush it off with laugher, telling him he couldn’t possibly be; he takes my hand in his and insists it’s true. he tells me that he has been since the moment i collided with him in the street when he was ten years old. that when the world was unkind to him, i provided enough kindness to keep him going, all in a smile and a greeting. it is everything i have wanted to hear and more. the angry swarm of bees are back and i am stung over and over again. he can tell that i'm paralysed so his lips fall gently onto mine and it allows me to say the things i cannot utter out loud. my eyes are closed and i can see the very same fireworks from the night our fingers touched. when he breaks away from me he says we should get out of here and wordlessly i agree. we walk in the streets of the village and i am unsure of the destination he has in mind. his fingers are wrapped around mine.

[zmayadw]

Hello to all Duskwood lovers! Same as a lot of you here, i got pretty hooked on Duskwood ,and Jake, ofcourse :) After reading few fanfics, i started one myself. It’s the first time I’ve done it, and i got my courage up to share it with you all. I am aware there are quite a lot of them already, so hopefully one more wont be too much :) I’ll post just a part, maybe two of it. if anyone will be interested in more, then yay! If not, oh well, no hard feelings.  I’ll just continue with it for my own pleasure (for what i started it in the first place!) And im quite new on Tumblr, so if i did something wrong, sorry in advance.

I apologize for a long intro, wishing you all a great weekend! :)

Oh, and English is not my first language, so dont hold a grudge for any mistakes, as im sure there will be some!

CALL OF THE RAVEN

(It contains swearing, blood, death)

Part 1

A year passed. One year since Hannah was back, one year since I met some wonderfull new friends. And him...

I still remember the first time i saw him, even if it was over a videocall: those beautifull dark blue-grey eyes, full of hope and love, his dark black hair ruffled from all the sleeples nights, and from running his hands through it with frustration.

„Jake, can i ask you for a favore?“  I typed in my phone at one of our latest conversations. „Ofcourse“  he replied, not hesitating a bit, even tho he knew the things I asked him lately wer more and more on the personal basis. „I would really like to see you.“  There was a silence from his side. „Just one video call, just this once?“  still nothing. „ Please, Jake. This is killing me! I just want to see your face, talk to you for once, without you hiding yourself.“ Still no replay. „I know you are scared, hell im scared too, you have no idea how much, but im in agony, Jake, im acheing here! I dont know what will happen, and if we'll ever see eacother in person, so just this once, please, let me see you, the real you!“ Still silence. „Please..“ I pleaded, tears swelling up in my eyes. Few minutes passed,and I though 'fuck, why did you have to preasure it Maya, you just fucked everything up now'. I was just about to give up and go to sleep, when my phone rang  - 'Incoming videocall: Jake.  My heart banged like crazy,and I almost dropped my phone. My hands wer shaking so badly, I barely managed to accept the call. And there he was, looking right at me. „Hello, Maya.“  he said, but I just stared at him, unsure if I was dreaming or was this really happening. „Maya? You allright?“ he asked, with so much care, his voice rang to my ears like the most beautifull melody, but still, all I did was stare. He looked so tired, with all those sleeples nights taking its toll on him. His hair was ruffled, and sticking in all directions, but I tought of it as cute. And those eyes, , looking at me, like they wer looking right into my soul. He was everything I imagined, even better then what I imagined. „Maya, please, say something.“ he pleaded, and I snapped myself back to reality. „I'm sorry...I just.. didnt really expect this, you kinda cought me off guard.“  I managed to say finaly, blinking those tears away. „Uhm, well, you did ask for it. Should I hang up?“  he asked, confusion showing on his face. I quickly replied, with a smile „No,no, dont you dare! You know how long i waited for this??“ He was perfct. Even beaten with worry and sleep deprivation, he was  perfect. „Well, hello Jake, nice to finaly see you!“  He smiled back, oh that beautiful smile „Hello Maya, nice to see you, too!“

„Promise me, Maya, you wont go to Duskwood!“  his words rang in my head till this day. „I Promise, Jake.“  I said, and I meant it at that point. But things have changed, ofcourse, and impulsive as I am, I was in my car and on my way to Duskwood in a hearthbeat. It seemed as the only choice I had if we wanted to find Hannah, and I didnt hesitate at all. I asked Lily for help, and even if it was her sister in question, she was reluctant about it. „I dont want to lie to everybody any more, or to him, Maya. We made some good relationship, and to hide this information from him..I just dont know.“ „Please, Lily, I really dont see any other choice for me here. I have to do this, I have a chance to find Hannah! Please,you owe me!“ She knew what I was refering to - that video she posted, accusing Jake and me of everything did so much trouble, especially for Jake. I was so pissed at her at the time, so when she learned the thruth about Jake being Hannahs and hers half-brother, she felt awful. She told me then she owe me a big one, and I gladly took her by her word. „Fine, i'll help you, but I dont feel good about it at all, let that be clear!“ she protested on the phone, as I was already driving halfway towards Duskwood. A small grin of victory appeared on my face, as I explained to her what my plan was. We finished the call, and i turned the phone off. I had no idea if Jake was still monitoring my chats and calls, or something more, and I didnt want to take any chances. If he did, I hoped my call with Lily wont raise any susspison, so he wont feel the need to 'evesdrop'. I didnt feel good breaking my promise to him, and running off without a word, but I really thought 'hey, what could go wrong'. And, oh boy, was I wrong and things really did go wrong.

I almost died that night. Going into that mine alone wasn't such a good idea, after all. And all I could think at that moment was ah, shit, Jake would be pissed  at me right now!'. I could hear his voice in my head, as the blood was running down my head, throbing from the blow I recived.  But not before i saw with my own eyes that Hannah was still alive. I was so sure that it was done, I found her, I did it! I was so close to breaking her out, and I saw releife on her face when she saw me. But that releife was quickly replaced by the face full of terror, and before I knew it, all went dark for me.

„You promise me!“  the words chimmed in my head, as I slowely came to conscious. It took me a moment to become comepletly aware of everything that was going on arround me. I tried to stand, but the pain that burst through my body quickly drew me back to the floor.  My head wanted to explode,my breathing heavy and short. My stomach couldnt take it any more, so whatever I had in it came pouring out.

I managed to get myself in sitting position, leaning my back on the cold stone wall of the mine. I saw Hannah, looking at me with worry and fear in her eyes. And then I heard a voice „Did you really think that you were smarter than me?“ I turned my head, and there he stood, sinister grin on his face - Richy.

Our dear friend Richy, always positive, always caring to others, always willing to help. But Richy that was standing just a few steps from me, was not the same Richy we all knew.

When all the evidence started pointing at him being the MWAF, I didn’t want to belive at first. „No, it cant be..not him!“ „Maya, the evidence is right in front of you.“ Jake would say. „Dont tell me your judgement is getting clouded by your feelings again, by now you should know that evidence dont lie. They didnt get us wrong so far.“ He would always be so rational, and I have to admit, my feelings did get me a bit too sensitive with our search a few times. I guess that was also why we wer so good in collaborating. My head pulsed again, as I looked at him, wincing in pain. His grin widened, and he came crouching next to me. Reflexly I pulled back as much as possible, wich just made the pain unberable again, and my stomach lurched one more time. I dont know how much time passed, because I fainted.

When I came to it again, Ritchy was sitting on some rock, moving the knife from one hand to the other. I quickly glanced towards Hannah, and was glad that she was still alive. She didnt look badly hurt, considering all, few bruises and dirt on her face as far as I could see. She sat on the floor, with hands bind in shackles a few feet from me. Ritchy looked at me  „Ah, good, you're still with us!“ „Yeah, bad weed grows tall.“  I said, and he grinned „ I remember.“ Ritchy slowely came towards me again, and repeated his question from before  „So, you really tought you wer smarter that me, Maya? That you could just waltz in here and leave without the qonsequencess?“  „Well, dont know about the waltzing part, I never was good at it. I might need some help with walking out of here, but I doubt you'd lend a helping hand“. Even now when I was sure I was gonna die, I still couldnt hold my mouth shut. Ritchy laughed, his laugh ringed all over, and at that poin a memory came to my mind: „You are the only one who can still make ma laugh.“  Jake words again. Shit, like i wasnt feeling stupid enough already, doing exactly what he told me not to, risking my own life.  „I am so sorry, Jake.“  My words now in my head, like he could hear me somehow.  My heart filled with sorrow, thinking how I never will meet any of them. And, ofcourse, Jake. I would never talk to him again, gaze into those curious eyes, touch his hair, take his hand in mine. Never will I tell him all that I wanted, but was so affraid that maybe he doesnt feel the same. „ You promised me!“  again those words, this time piercing at my heart like a knife, and tears came running down my cheeks. „I am sorry.“  i whispered under my breath. I wanted to be brave, I didnt want to give Ritchy even more satisfaction over this, but it was all too much for me. I didnt care if he sees my tears, I didnt care for anything anymore. „What was that you said?“  he asked, and I replied, my head still bend down „Just finish it already.“ „Sorry, didnt heare you there“ he said, sinister grin back on his face. I dont know where I managed the strenght for it, but my head shot up, and I yelled with everything I had in me, looking him straingh in the eyes, pouring all my emotions in it  „Just finish it already, you freak!“ He jumped backwards when as yelled, but didnt look too shocked by it. He smirked, grapping the knife so tightly,his knuckles turned white as snow, looking at me with frenzy in his eyes, „With pleasure.“ I closed my eyes.

What happened next is still a bit fuzzy to me. I remember Hannah screaming, as Ritchy dived towards me with the knife. And the three loud bangs, that pierced my ears and made my head spin again. There was a 'thud', and I slowely opened my eyes, to see Ritchy sprawled on the floor next to me, blood coming from his mouth, eyes open wide in bevilderment. „ It wasnt.. suppose to end..like this..“ he mummled, more blood pouring out. And then silence. Someone said my name. I looked up from Ritchys, two familiar faces looming over me: it was Thomas and Dan. I looked at them in shock, eyes filling with tears. „ Is it over?“ i asked shakely, Dan answering  „Yes.“ Thomas ran over to Hannah, another person following  him. „Is it really over?“  I asked again,breathing heavy, glancing back where Ritchy lay. Dan answered again „Yes, Maya, it's really over.“ I lost all controll then, shaking and crying , balwing like a little kid, mummling something under my breath, wich made Dan very worried. „Thomas!“ he shouted  „Take Hannah and run out, tell the rest of the cops and medics if they arrived to hurry, I will stay with her.“ Thomas and Hannah looked at Dan with worry all over their faces, but he yelled at them again to hurry, and turned back to me. He tried to hug me, and when I screamed from pain, it got him terrified. „Hang in there Maya, help is on the way!“ „ I hope so.“ I said, voice cracking, darkness taking over me. „Maya, stay with me!“  Dan was scraming, but I couldnt fight it anymore. My eyes became so heavy, I just let them close, and with my final breath I whispered his name...Jake.

[g0dspeeed]

Liar, Liar

For @constantzeigarnik

"V unabashedly flirting with Viktor, just laying it on real thick for the ripperdoc, and Viktor just not being prepared for it in the slightest."

“Liar, liar.”

The words came out in a tired sigh with a voice that hopefully sounded as indifferent as V intended.

The pair was laid out on the hood of Panam’s latest wheels, eyes closed, and cold drinks in hand. After helping the Aldecaldo get the ride from a locked storage yard, V had offered to relax beneath the shade of a highway overpass while they waited for the client to arrive. Panam accepted without a second thought. Between the two of them, a break from daily survival in Night City seemed in order.

Supposed to be chill.

Just two friends sippin’ on a dry afternoon.

No worries.

No stress for an hour.

That was before their present conversation, one that V was trying desperately to avoid.

“Yeah, I’m the liar here,” returned Panam. “And Night City is family friendly. At least I’m not the one in denial that my ripperdoc has the hots for me.”

V turned to shoot her friend a dark look. The nomad smirked as the warning fell flat. Despite V’s best efforts, Panam could see right through her: She was absolutely fuckin’ right.

“Think ya’ got it all wrong,” V maintained in a cool tone.

“Oh, do I?”

V cringed.

“Only met the guy one time,” Panam said. “Felt like a third wheel between the two of you eye-fuckin’ each other. Almost walked outta there see what that psychic girl was sellin’.”

A new warmth began stinging V’s cheeks and Panam frowned at her friend’s lack of response.

This was new territory. Seeing V react this way was beyond strange. One of the most capable people Panam had ever met was turning red over a man. Borderline bizarre. Truly, the entire conversation was out of the norm.

“Shit,” muttered Panam. At her best efforts at being soft, she added, “Don’t feel bad, V. The guy’s stacked like a fucking truck.”

At that, V finally let her guard down. She grinned as Panam gently shoved her shoulder.

“There she is. Just let that denial fade away-”

“Fuck off.”

“What the hell are you afraid of?” asked Panam. “Rejection?”

V looked at her energy drink, swiveling the liquid around before relenting.

“I mean, yeah, kinda.”

An eye roll and a heavy groan came from the woman beside her.

“Yeah okay,” said Panam. “Like he’d reject a woman half his age, much less a badass like you. V, I saw it for myself. The guy thinks you’re hot. Caught ‘im lookin’ at your ass. Not only that, he cares, like genuinely cares about you, which says a lot for people like us. Next time you see him, just lay it on thick and be done.”

V scrunched her eyes shut at her friend’s advice. Just talking about openly pursuing Viktor Vector made V’s stomach twist into knots. As much as she was the badass that Panam knew her to be, for V to explore an actual romantic relationship outside of ‘eye-fucking’ and the occasional one-night stand with some rando from Afterlife was not something V was familiar with. Her days were chaotic. Her lifestyle was that of constant motion. Viktor, in all his edginess, was stable, consistent, and secure. Also, she enjoyed the subtly they shared, the skirting around the topic of their flirty friendship, or whatever it was, from the safety of fleeting looks, suggestive undertones, and the occasional wink.

Then again, if V were honest with herself, it never seemed to be enough. V couldn’t deny that each time she left his clinic she wanted more. Craved more. More time, more privacy, more touch. She was her own worst enemy in all of those categories, always the first to shy away, to change the subject, to wander off.

“Worst case scenario,” breathed Panam. “He’s not interested in dating someone younger. Or just wants to be friends. That’s fine. Whatever. Should that happen, you delta outta there, lay low for a few weeks, find a new doc, and move on.”

“I can’t just delta out of his life,” groaned V. “He’s been my ripperdoc since I came to Night City. He’s also one of my closest friends-”

“Ok, then suffer. Fuck! Just do something. You’re killing me with this in between bullshit.”

Hours later, their conversation from under the overpass played on repeat inside V’s head. Panam cannot sugar coat anything. She might be physically incapable of doing that. Her words came straight from the heart and that’s what made what she had to say so sincere.

That is at least what V was telling herself as she steadily made her way down the steps to Viktor’s clinic, hands clammy, and body keyed up.

Part of her hoped that he was out or tied up with a patient. Maybe he would tell her to come by later.

She scoffed.

What a stupid thought. She was too quick to forget how often he invited her to stick around if he were operating, how she would wait at his workbench or nap on his crusty couch in the back. Sure enough, she could hear the man whistling below, the cheery sound echoing to where she hesitated. She swallowed.

With a final deep breath, V summoned up the bravery to walk through the metal gate.

Hunched over his operating chair, Viktor appeared to be wiping down between appointments, his rich voice humming along to some song in his head. V watched for a moment, taking in the serene sight before approaching the ripperdoc.

“Surprised you’re not watching a match,” she said.

The humming stopped. His head cocked at hearing her voice.

Without turning he responded, “Aren’t any on right now or you know I would be.”

The rag was tossed down and Viktor shifted to look at her.

V’s stomach flipped. His blue button-up was stained with a dark, oily substance all over the front. The top buttons were either missing or dangling from bits of string, leaving the shirt partly undone and exposing his undershirt. V’s eyebrows furrowed as she noticed a small crack that cut in the corner of his glasses just above a small nick on his cheekbone.

“You look-”

“Like shit?” he finished with a grin.

Viktor crossed his arms, drawing V’s attention to his thick biceps in a knee-jerk reaction.

“Bet so,” he continued. “Someone brought in his friend after a run in with the Tyger Claws, all blood clots and broke teeth. The gonk was scared out of his goddamn mind. Took a toll just to sedate ‘im.”

His smile had turned into a smirk, something confident and full of swagger as he told his story. He wore it well, mastering the balance found only in seasoned residents of Night City, of those who earned their street cred by way of blood, grit, and never backing down. V’s lips pursed at how his eyes looked to hers past those dark lenses.

Here would be the part where V ran away, ran from opportunity, from her feelings. He dared to look at her the way he did in that moment, so smooth, so confident. The man had to know. Viktor had to recognize how he affected her, had to notice how her eyes appreciated his physique, how her complexion warmed when he touched her. His frame had turned to face hers, all broad shoulders and aftershave.

She could step back.

Look away.

This was where she could coolly suppress her attraction and change the subject.

But not today.

“Here,” she said warmly.

V stepped close to the ripperdoc, shrinking the gap between their bodies as her fingers gently plucked the man’s glasses from his face. Viktor blinked in surprise and swallowed as she studied the damaged lens with a critical eye, her own smirk pulling at her full lips.

“Gonna need new ones, doc,” she told him.

Next, V carefully folded the glasses and slid them onto the collar of her top. Viktor’s eyes tracked her movements before quickly glancing away. Ever the gentleman.

“But don’t worry,” continued V. “The rest of you I can remedy.”

He chuckled.

“The rest of me?”

V looked up. She nearly gasped. For Viktor to wear those damn shaded glasses was a sin. The bluest blue that V had ever seen, his eyes were deep like ocean water. There was longing in them. Desire. He adored V for standing so close and showing such concern for his wellbeing. Christ, she could get lost in those eyes if he kept looking at her like that.

To answer his question, V tugged at the hem of his soiled shirt. He stiffened.

“Are you tryin’ to say that you like being covered in… whatever this is?” she mused.

“Well, no-”

In a near whisper, V begged, “Then come on, Vik. Let me play doctor for once.”

Fuck.

The way she was looking up at him with that smile, those bedroom eyes, leaning close like that with her fingers tugging on his shirt and talkin’ in that sweet, sexy voice.

Who was Viktor to deny her?

He sighed out a ‘Fine’ and nodded in agreement. Consent confirmed, V went to work. V’s fingers moved to undo the remaining buttons of his shirt, but Viktor stopped her hands. His own hands were warm, a little rough with scars and callouses on the tips and knuckles. In response to V’s questioning look, Viktor grabbed his shirt and ripped the buttons loose with a jerk. They pattered at their feet.

“Trash,” he stated as he slid his arms free from his shirt. Like the buttons, it went airborne and landed in a nearby biohazard bin.

“Hey now,” warned V with mock annoyance. “I said let me play doctor.”

“Oh am I being a bad patient?” returned Viktor.

To his surprise, V placed her palm at the center of his chest. Her fingers flexed gently against his undershirt, making Viktor’s heart race. She then gave a gentle shove.

“The worst,” she teased as Viktor let her push him back into his own operating chair.

Even if he wanted to, there was no way that Viktor could hide his smile. He was at a loss. What in the world had gotten into V? Not that he was complaining of course, but he was so used to waiting. The flirting, the winks, all those playful innuendos had been going on for such a long time. By now, Viktor simply accepted that she wouldn’t push it further, that their friendship or whatever they had, consisted of only those teasing moments. Nothing more. In the end he believed that V didn’t want anything deeper with the ripperdoc. And that was fine. A bummer, but fine. Didn’t feel bad about it. Didn’t resent her. She was younger, a wild one who made a hobby out of recklessly injuring herself doing God knows what in the city. The man wasn’t new to women or intimacy, and with a woman like V he thought it best to let her set the terms, especially considering that she was after all his patient. A patient who ate his food, slept on his couch, completely ignored his work schedule, and called him ‘pretty boy’ on the regular. A patient no less.

So imagine how fast his heart was racing as her fingers softly cupped his cheek, at how her body leaned in close as she inspected the small cut beneath his eye. Viktor tried his hardest to look off into nothingness rather than at her breasts. Tried to ignore how delicious she smelled. Was she wearing perfume-

“Breathe, Vik,” she mumbled. “Can’t have my first patient black out on me.”

She fucking winked and that goddamn smirk of hers graced her lips.

“I, uh,” he began. He laughed, a bit too nervously for his liking. “I’m sorry, just, just distracted. It doesn’t hurt that much, ya know.”

“How’d he get ya?” asked V.

To Viktor’s disappointment, V stepped away from the chair and walked towards his workbench. He didn’t miss how her hips swayed or how she bent over to grab his medical kit in a nearly exaggerated manner. The way she looked into his eyes while she straightened, all slow and sensual with those curves of hers, went immediately to his dick. He swallowed.

“Um,” he said stupidly. “He, uh, headbutted me. With his head.”

“Ouch,” she replied.

Before she returned to the flustered ripperdoc, V shimmied out of her bomber jacket and tossed it on his workbench. A tattered crop top pulled against her skin as she shook out her dark hair.

Viktor had the decency to rest his hands in his lap to shield the effect that the merc had on him.

Her tongue wet her lips as she fished through the kit for what she wanted. The glance she shot in his direction proved that there was no innocence in the act.

What the fuck was happening?

That question repeated itself over and over again in his mind as she again bent closely towards his body to apply a Q-tip to the wound, offering another delicious view of her ample breasts.

“Can I get some feedback, doc?” she asked quietly.

Viktor swallowed, his mouth dry like sand.

“Yeah, kid,” he replied lowly.

V paused her work to truly look at him, to gaze into those gorgeous eyes of his. Then, all calm and collected, V perched herself next to him at the edge of the operating chair. Viktor allowed her some room as she cupped his cheek with her other hand, her breasts resting on his torso as she leaned into him. Her thumb ghosted his skin, tempting. Teasing. Viktor ignored the urge to press against the throbbing hardness in his pants. The cut long forgotten, his attention was caught up in V’s eyes, the warmth of her skin, her smell, the sultriness of her voice.

“Do you want me?”

Her mouth was so close to his. The warmth of her breath tickled his skin like static. Viktor’s eyes shut in anticipation as V slowly drew herself to his lips.

He felt nothing, but heard the soft tear of paper. Viktor’s eyes fluttered open, brow crinkling in confusion. V had sat up and was unwrapping a small bandage, her eyes fixated on the task while he gaped at her. When it was open, she reached out and carefully applied the bandage to the cut on Viktor’s cheek.

“All done,” she stated in a chipper tone, a wide smile stretched from ear to ear.

Viktor smirked.

“Oh yeah?” he questioned. “Think you’re hot shit giving this old man a heart attack?”

“Think I gave you more than that, pretty boy.”

Her eyes flickered to his lap and back to those ocean eyes. Viktor sat up in the chair, his hands not budging as if his life depended on it.

“You never answered me,” said V, the playfulness gone from her voice and replaced with a feeling that Viktor found it hard to describe.

There was no mystery, however, to how he felt in hearing it. His heart melted at her words, at how the game was finally over and that she, beautiful V, wanted to know if he wanted her. A stupid question, really, but an important one all the same.

“Ah V,” he said with a sigh.

Panic alit her eyes like fire, but it was quickly doused as Viktor took her by the hand.

“Of course I do,” Viktor replied earnestly. He gave her hand a small squeeze. “I’d be a fuckin’ liar if I didn’t.”

For whatever reason, Viktor saw V blink as if there was something odd in what he said. The moment was short and quickly forgotten as V embraced him so hard that the pair fell back in his operating chair, his arm wrapped around waist and his lips pressed into her hair.

[free-pool-trash]

folklore - isaac lahey {6/?}

part 6 (again) 😖 ***the timeline/sequence of events is messed up but it doesn’t matter too much it’s just to move the story along faster*** everything about this is a hot mess, i hope you love it ;)

(sorry about this i rlly dont know wtf happened it just spazzed out, sorry yall)

word count: 4k

warnings: blood, tension, kissing ;), mentions of abuse, swearing

taglist: @makeusfreefromthisfandom​, @cece-lives-here​, @chocolate-raspberries​, @belsandthings​, @dancing-tacos-23​, @truly-dionysus​, @britty443​, @tanyaherondale​, @furiouspockettoad​, @yunsh-17​, @random-thoughts-003​, @gloomybrieyxb​, @futuristicslimemongerbanana​, @linkpk88​, @big-galaxy-chaos​, @im-a-stranger-thing​, @riaisnotcool​, @its-evita-here​, @pad-foots​, @sweetpeabellamyblakedracomalfoy​, @bookswillfindyouaway​, @what-the-hap-is-fuckening​, @awkwardnesshabitat​, @pieces-by-me​, @wreny24​ let me know if you’d like to be added <3

MASTERLIST

To say Isaac Lahey looked like he’d been beaten to a pulp would have been a colossal understatement. The boy practically limped into school the day after his father demonstrated his dissatisfaction for his youngest son after attending his parent teacher meeting.

It’d been a long night of taking punches, kicks and insults that would plague Isaac’s mind for weeks to come. His voice was raw from screaming to be released from the freezer he’d been locked in after his father grew bored of inflicting pain physically. Deciding psychological pain was just as good as physical pain, his father left him to think about his inferiority for an entire night, only letting him out an hour before he was due to start school.

His lip still dripped scarlet as he walked the halls, both eyes black and ever so slightly swollen and so very tired looking. His steps were taken shakily. It didn’t take him long to notice you standing by his locker, waiting for him as usual. Usually when his eyes flickered over you his body would fill with relief. But after remembering how upset you’d been in your car the day before he found his relief being replaced by guilt and dread.

Isaac ducked his head, he did this purely to avoid your eyes. He still made his way towards you nonetheless.

The first thing to hit you was the scent of blood. Fresh and warm and right from the source, you could tell- you weren’t sure how you could tell but you just knew. You lifted your eyes from the floor. You wished you hadn’t when your eyes landed on Isaac, hobbling towards you with blood dripping down his split bottom lip.

The second thing to hit you, though, was the undeniable feeling of guilt that hit you when Isaac refused to meet your gaze.

As soon as his slow and sluggish steps carried him to you your hands flew to his cheeks, gentle but firm, you cupped them and tried your very hardest to ignore how much you wanted to run your tongue along his bleeding lip. It was proving a lot harder than you would have ever thought it would, in all honesty.

You forced your eyes to stay locked on his, your jaw tight and teeth clenched, your own anger overpowering Isaac’s guilt. “What did he do to you?” You asked him softly, brushing your thumbs along his cheekbones with a feather like touch. The last thing you wanted to do was put him in any more pain than he was already in.

“I may have a C minus in more than just chem.” Isaac explained flatly. Despite the slight ache your hands caused him he couldn’t stop himself from melting into you, loving your warmth as opposed to the cold of the basement freezer. 

At his confession you found yourself unable to hold yourself back any longer. You let out a sigh and Isaac fixed you with a confused gaze as he watched your brows furrow in determination. “Come with me.” 

Isaac followed behind you as you led him towards the basement of the school, nobody ever went down there and your first class, with Isaac, happened to be a free period. It wasn’t until you were standing across from each other again in the narrow dark hallway of the basement that Isaac spoke up in question, “Did you bring me down here to kill me or…”

You let out a shaky sigh, confidence waning as you second guessed yourself. Was this a good idea? Absolutely not. Would it make him feel better, however? Incredibly so, yes.

Deciding you’d probably stretched the whole “keep Isaac out of it” thing as far as you could, there was no point keeping it from him any longer- he was getting hurt whether he knew about the supernatural or not. 

“I’m about to tell you something completely bizarre and I need you to, one, please believe me and don’t freak out and, two, don’t be mad at me for not telling you sooner.” Isaac’s eyebrow rose in concern, “Yeah- yeah sure, ok- what is it?” His voice was filled with worry as were his eyes, that still sparkled despite the dark purple colouring surrounding them paired with the dim lightening of the windowless basement.

“Remember that thing that bit me?” You asked and he nodded mutely, “well, it sort of… gave me something.”

Isaac gasped, “Rabies?” His question was so positively drenched with genuine concern that you had to laugh, grabbing his hand and shaking your head softly. 

“No, I don’t have rabies.” You laughed again, his relieved sigh bouncing off the walls.

“Thank God.”

“It’s probably best if I just show you.” You told him, smiling softly and nodding your head in resolve. You were doing this.

“Show me wha-... holy shit.” Isaac gasped yet again, mouth agape and eyes wide as he stared at your, now slightly changed face, your eyes were a glowing purple and you had fangs? Something in the back of his head told him that, really, he should be afraid. But he wasn’t. Not even in the slightest. He thought the look suited you quite frankly. The way the purple glow of your eyes reflected against your complexion in the dim lighting was, in all honesty, completely mesmerising.

“I’m a vampire.” You clarified, although it was perfectly obvious. Isaac only nodded his head numbly, still trying to comprehend what he was looking at.

When he didn’t say anything after a solid ten seconds you spoke yet again, “I’m telling you because, I hate seeing you hurt…” Your voice trailed off, you weren’t exactly sure what to say in the moment.

It was just then that Isaac spoke up, a sad lilt in his voice while he squeezed your hand, “Come on, (N/n). Don’t do this to yourself, you know there’s nothing you can do-“ You cut him off, voice a mix of anxiety and excitement, “But Isaac! I can! I can do something about it! Okay? Look- I’ve got all these new vampire abilities and one of them…” You paused to take a breath, eyes flying around his face frantically before you finally locked your gaze with his. 

Swallowing the lump on your throat you finished, “I can take your pain away. And physically heal you- but that might not be such a good idea. Your dad would know something was up.”

One thing you loved about Isaac was that he always took your word for things. He never ever doubted you and always believed you when you told him something. Even in a situation like this< he never asked questions< he simply trusted you.

“Will taking my pain away hurt you? Because if it will then absolutely not, I’ll keep it to myself I don’t want you getting hurt because of-“ Isaac fretted anxiously, only stopping when your hands returned to their previous spot on his cheeks, smiling sweetly, “It won’t hurt at all. It’s actually quite enjoyable.”

“How do you do it?” He asked tentatively, hands moving to rest on your waist, an action that wasn’t entirely uncommon but was usually saved for the most intimate of shared moments, which, you supposed, this was.

Nervously you chewed on the inside of your cheek before telling him, “Well, when I feed on someone, its got some kind of euphoric effect- kinda like a drug high or something.” 

Isaac, yet again, nodded his head. “Okay. Go for it.” He told you surely, though hints of anxiety still lingered in his voice. 

You nodded slowly in response. Your hands slipped from his cheeks, the left was now tangled in his curls and tilting his head gently to the side to expose his, already bruised, neck. The other grabbed ahold of his shoulder, bringing him down so that you were level with his neck.

Isaac’s eyes stayed glued to you while you walked him carefully backwards until his back met the wall of the basement, your eyes were still glowing and it was when you nervously peered up at him through your lashes that he realised; he’d do anything you ever asked him to.

“This might sting a bit. Tell me if you start to feel dizzy.” You warned before, hesitantly, moving your fangs towards his neck. His grip on your waist tightening as you bit into him, as gently as you could. He let out a short hiss of pain before you felt him relax against you, his eyes closed and his jaw fell slack the second his blood hit your tongue.

His blood was an entirely new experience. It tasted like, you didn’t actually know, but it was like nothing you’d ever consumed before. If you thought Stiles’ blood was good, Isaac’s was on another level. Maybe all your pinning for him made him taste better to you? You didn’t know.

A satisfied sound unconsciously left your mouth at the flavour while your hand tightened in his hair, but in your close proximity you picked up something more than just the taste of his blood. It felt like… lust? 

The feeling was backed up by the throaty groan falling from Isaac’s mouth, his hands not only tightening on your waist but pulling you closer to his body. Now chest to chest as your lips moved on his neck.

True to your word, Isaac already forgot about the ache in his body- his mind now consumed by the feeling of you, the girl he was not so secretly in love with, with your lips and tongue situated on his neck. And if that alone wasn’t enough to steer his mind away from his pain, the feeling the bite gave to him definitely did the trick.

It was like morphine running straight through his veins. He felt not only like he’d never been hurt to begin with but as well as that, and maybe more importantly, his mind was completely at peace- his thoughts purely consumed by you.

The way you looked when you removed your mouth from his neck was bordering on ethereal, your bodies remained pressed against each other and for a few moments you simply stared at each other with half lidded eyes. Isaac’s breath came out in pants as he stared down at you, your own eyes captivated by the dried blood on his lower lip. Noticing this, and with very little composure what with his current blissed out state, Isaac spoke, “You can take it- the blood. If you want it.”

You weren’t sure at what point it had happened but the lust you felt earlier had magnified tenfold, although you were sure it didn’t all belong to Isaac- you felt it too. He stared at your lips the way you’d been starring at his only seconds ago, did he want you to kiss him? It seemed like it. Did you want to kiss him. Absolutely. A thousand times over.

Again you found yourself wondering; was this a good idea? And, again, you found yourself thinking that, no, it probably wasn’t the best idea. 

Your inhibitions were lowered significantly since you fed, feeding on Stiles’ had been enjoyable but feeding on Isaac, though- that had been intoxicating. Perfectly content to blame what you were about to do on your intoxication if it came back to bite you in the ass, you moved your hands back to their favourite spot cupping Isaac’s cheeks.

Slowly, you pulled him back down to your level, the boy in your grasp complying quite happily, seemingly entranced by your face. Butterflies were erupting violently in your stomach at the way his blue eyes fluttered over your face appreciatively as if admiring art and the way his hands held you to him so tenderly, like he was afraid to hurt you despite knowing you were a supernatural entity. 

What you’d give for him to gaze at you like that, so openly and surely, all the time. 

Without giving it any further thought you gave into what you’d been craving for the longest time and pressed your lips against his, the action feeling more intoxicating than the blood itself. 

Isaac’s hands mirrored yours, sliding up your side before resting against your cheeks. 

His lips moved furiously against yours. The many bruises and injuries that littered his body were long forgotten as he tasted you against his lips, finally.

Your breath came out in pants as you pulled away, your forehead resting against Isaac’s and your chests still pressed against each other. 

It was only when you studied his face that you’d realised you never even got the blood from his split lower lip. What made you feel better though, was the fact that he’d kissed you as passionately as you’d kissed him and his hands that still cupped your cheeks.

“That definitely made me feel better.” Isaac breathed out against your lips, a dopey smile forming on his own.

An airy laugh left your throat at his comment, all your fears of the kiss causing havoc evaporated from your mind with the sound of his voice.

“On a scale of one to ten how drunk do you feel right now?” You asked him teasingly, noticing his eyes were glazed over and his almost static feeling happiness was popping in your chest, almost like fireworks.

Isaac only shrugged, his happiness feeling as though it couldn’t ever be dampened after the kiss he’d just shared with you. “Tipsy at best.” He answered, and true enough you noticed he’d regained his composure a lot faster than Stiles had done the first time you fed on him. Kisses did have a tendency to be sobering, you supposed. 

A silence fell over the pair of you after that. Isaac’s eyes returned their gaze to your lips yet again and you would’ve had to be blind not to notice. By this point your eyes had returned to their usual colour and your fangs reverted back into their dormant form of your regular canines, he was simply looking at you now, just you, no supernatural frills to be seen. But as always, you just being you was enough for him. 

“Would our friendship be destroyed if I told you I really want to kiss you again?” Before you could even answer, he was already dipping his lips back to yours. Not that you minded. 

This time, his lips moved slowly and gently, his thumbs rubbing against your cheekbones before they slipped back down to grasp your waist. As your lips, yet again, meshed perfectly with his, that feeling came over your chest again. That light, fluffy feeling he not only gave you but also radiated. It was only when he pulled away for the second time that you put your finger on exactly what that feeling was- love.

With the realisation- the confirmation that the love you felt towards Isaac was mutual you couldn’t stop the wide smile that formed on your lips, you chased his lips once more after he’d pulled away and tried to keep your giggles quiet when he met you halfway with just as much enthusiasm and his smile just as wide.

It was probably a stupid question but you asked it anyway, “So… you’re not mad that I didn’t tell you about the whole vampire thing?” Isaac shook his head, “I know now. I get why you didn’t tell me.”

“I wanted to.” You told him, a nervous smile taking over your lips as you continue, “But I was kinda warned against it.” He nodded his head, although he was confused, who would’ve even warned you? Were there more supernatural creatures in Beacon Hills that he didn’t know about?

His thoughts didn’t wander too far as your soft voice cut them off, “I’m glad you know now. I missed ranting to you.” 

The boy, still holding your waist, let out a sigh, “I’m glad you told me, too. I knew something was wrong but I didn’t know what. You had me worried.” He told you, laughing airily towards the end.

When he saw the look of guilt beginning to form on your face he immediately changed the course of the conversation. “While we’re confessing stuff…” he began, shy Isaac returning as his eyes fluttered anywhere but your eyes. “We’ve been best friends for a while, and um-  I’ve wanted to tell you for a while- years… yeah for years… but um-“ you couldn’t help but smile as he rambled, you thought you had a clue where he was going. “Isaac.” You cut him off softly, smile never faltering when you finally dropped your palms from his cheeks, placing them over his that were still on your waist and giving them a reassuring squeeze. 

“Take a breath.” You instructed with a laugh. Taking your advice Isaac took a deep breath, manoeuvring his hands to hold yours, your intertwined hands hanging between the both of you now.

“I like you- love you! I love you. A lot. In a more than best friends way. And I have for a… twelve, yeah, no I’ve loved you since we were twelve. It’s okay if you don’t feel the same! I just thought since we kissed just now that maybe you-“ He was rambling again, as he tended to do when he was nervous and in the moment you couldn’t think of any other way to shut him up than to plant your lips against his. Effectively cutting him off as you did so. 

To be perfectly honest, you could definitely get used to kissing him like this all of the time. When you removed your lips from his, for what felt like the millionth time, Isaac’s eyes remained shut. With the absence of blue it really hit you how beaten up he really was, his eyes were black and purple as well as swollen terribly. When you took him in, the words fell from your lips before you could think of some flowery way to present them, “I love you too.”

A sigh of relief left his mouth and he finally found the courage to open his eyes again. The moment was ruined by the class bell ringing in the distance, signifying that your free period was now over and you’d both need to be getting to class.

The pair of you headed off together with wide smiles on your faces that didn’t seem to die down throughout the rest of the day. At the end of the school day, he’d walked you to your car and gave you a kiss goodbye before walking away looking the most pleased you’d ever seen him.

To put it simply, you were on cloud nine. As soon as you entered your kitchen once you got home from school, though, you found yourself crashing straight back down to earth.

Sitting in front of you in all his glory was Derek Hale, it didn’t excite you to see he didn’t look even remotely like he was about to apologise for being a shitty, unloyal pack member, “What do you want?” You snapped, tossing your school bag by his feet rather aggressively for no particular reason. It felt kind of nice to mildly inconvenience him.

“You need to leave.” Was all he said and you rolled your eyes, crossed your arms over your chest and stared at him with a raised eyebrow, “May I remind you, Derek, you don’t fucking live here. So maybe you need to leave.” You snapped, venom seeping from your tone but it didn’t seem to phase him, he knew how things worked with you. You were always hard to lose but once you were gone you were even harder to get back. 

“Beacon Hills, (Y/n). You need to leave Beacon Hills.” He clarified for you, still remaining stoic. “What? Why?” You wanted a good reason. A really good reason. You didn’t just confess your love to your best friend of six years to have Derek swan back into your business and tell you had to leave town for no good reason.

“If I tell you, you won’t leave.” Was he serious? He couldn’t give you a reason to leave but you could think of about ten reasons to stay, he obviously wasn’t one of them at the minute.

“You’re full of shit.” You stated, “I’m not going anywhere.” 

“Look I know you don’t exactly like me right now, kid. But for the first time since you turned I’m actually trying to look out for you, alright?” His stoic facade had dropped now, he was practically begging. 

You clenched your jaw, you didn’t want to be difficult but it was hard when the man in front of you wasn’t exactly a smooth operator himself. “If you want me to trust you tell me why.”

“We know who the Alpha is. He’s going to be coming for you next and we need to get you as far away from here as we can before he gets to you.” Derek finally explained, his anxiety bouncy from every cell in his body right into your chest. “Who is it?” You wondered, who could it have been that would make you want to stay? It wasn’t Isaac, it could’ve been Scott but that wasn’t likely seeing as he was looking for the alpha too. It definitely wasn’t Stiles. 

Derek didn’t answer this question. “Your dad is in a meeting with Chris Argent right now. His sister, Kate, was onto you, wants to put your fangs on a necklace. Your dad’s keeping them distracted long enough for me to get you out. So, we need to go. Your stuff is already in my car.” He rushed out grabbing your forearm with a grip you knew you couldn’t wriggle out of. (Not that you didn’t try.)

The wolf had to practically wrestle you into the passenger seat, ignoring all of your colourful threats of what you’d do to his precious car once you got free of his hold as he strapped you in.

Once he got into the driver’s seat, he immediately began to drive, way over the streets speed limit, and it wasn’t until you passed the “Visit Again Soon!” Beacon Hills sign that you piped up.

“Ok, we’re officially out of town. Now tell me what the hell is going on.” You demanded, the tension between you and Derek growing with every mile he drove.

Letting out a deep sigh he finally answered, “The Alpha? It’s Peter.”

The gasp that left you was sharp and Derek knew you’d handle this information with as much disbelief as he had.

Peter couldn’t have been the alpha. The alpha killed Laura Hale- tore her apart. The alpha bit Scott and you, Scott had told you he’d even punched his fist through Derek’s chest and chased him, Stiles, Alison, Jackson and Lydia around the school a few nights ago. Peter wouldn’t have done all of those things… The Peter you knew wouldn’t do all of of those things.

The the more you thought about it the more it began to add up in your mind. The voice, the one you’d heard that night in the hospital, so full of clarity and intention, the voice that consistently rattled your brain with the words of “Don’t let it kill you.” That voice, it belonged to Peter.

“Stiles and I found out last night. He said he had plans for you, he said he wanted the both of his by his side- in his pack. We knew if he got to you right now you’d join him. Even if it was just to spite me.” He explained softly, his brotherly tone making an appearance for the first time in weeks. 

Furrowing your eyebrows, you stared at Derek in confusion, “What makes you think I would’ve gone with him.” You asked, a tiny bit offended by his statement although you had a feeling he was onto something, even if you weren’t ready to admit it to yourself.

“I wouldn’t have blamed you. I’ve been thinking about what you said last night before you ran off and you’re right. I forgot about you when you needed me the most and I’m sorry for that. We both know you and Peter always had a stronger bond than the rest of us. Hating me would make him look better” He told you, not receiving an answer as he watched you stare emptily out the car window, watching the sun as it set.

“You were always so independent growing up, you did things yourself and you loved it. I didn’t know what to make of you becoming a vampire, to be honest I was hoping you’d become a wolf.” Letting out a heavy sigh Derek finished his little speech, “I didn’t know how to help you. It made me feel useless so I focused all of my time on helping Scott. I know it hasn’t been easy for you but where you’re going is going to be really good for you.” 

“And where exactly are you taking me.” You asked suspiciously. “Before you freak out, you’re only staying there until we stop whatever Peter is planning. Two weeks tops.” He tried to reason but it only served to panic you further, “Derek, where are you taking me.”

“I’m dropping you off at the airport and your getting on the next flight to Virginia.” Your eyes widened as you let out a small screech, “Virginia? That’s like a five hour flight! Why Virginia? And for two week? What about the Winter formal?” You rambled, voice high pitched with panic.

Derek shot you a sympathetic look before returning his attention to the highway, “I’ve got a few friends there. One of them is kind of a vampire expert. Says he knows some people that might be able to help train you.” The wolf explained.

Derek had friends? That was truly shocking.

“Who’s your friend?” You asked curiously. 

“His name’s Alaric Saltzman. He’s picking you up at the airport when you land.” 

“So I’m staying with some man I’ve never even met? Cool. Really not worrying at all, Derek. And my parents are on board with this little plan?” You inquired uneasily.

Derek let out a snigger at this, “Seeing as your mother was the one to suggest him, yes. Your dad isn’t so keen on the idea.”

He was chuckling like a little kid and you felt as though you were missing something, “Why isn’t he too keen on it?” 

His laugh came out full voice now as he looked at you with a mischievous grin, “Because before he and your mother got together, she was dating Ric.” 

Your eyes widened and your jaw almost hit the floor, “So your shipping me off to my mother's ex to keep me away from my alpha werewolf uncle? You guys are the fucking worst.”

[euphoricsunflowers]

loser — lee hoseok and im changkyun (kinktober day 8)

a/n: i don’t proofread a n y t h i n g i write i’m so sorry

a/n: the first half of this is very badly written ngl because i had no idea and i was just kinda writing whatever came to mind, but it starts to pick up later and it’s actually kinda good towards the end.

word count: 1.1k wow look at me it’s more than 2 words guys who would have thought i was capable of that

content: fem!reader, college au, changkyun’s ur classmate and hoseok is his roommate aND ur like friends w bennies with hoseok, handjobs, light praise (we just call ‘em cute n pretty), changkyun cums too early but it’s ok.

taglist: @skjdln @lovingonrepeat @maknaeronix

to summarize how you currently felt, annoyed would be the right answer. group projects were always a recipe for disaster and now your professer thought a project on the battle of lexington would be the perfect way for everyone to ‘get aquianted’.

“hey,” a guy in your class (who’s name you don’t care to remember) says, “you’re y/n, right?”

“yeah, that’s me,” you murmur softly. you check the board, which has pairings for projects, “and i suppose you’re changkyun.”

he smiles, and you notice that he has cute dimples, “yeah. do you want to meet up at the my apartment later for our project?”

oh, that’s adorable.

“actually, i was wondering if you could take care of the project. i’m just so busy and tired with other school work and—,” you stop to burst out laughing, “i’m sorry, your face just now was priceless.”

he sighs in relief, “oh thank god, i couldn’t deal with another goddamn partner who made me do everything.”

“here’s my number, changs,” you wink, getting all your stuff together, “i’ll text you when i’m heading over.”

—

“you have a nice apartment,” you look around aimlessly, “how did you even—”

“kyun! i told you stop inviting over girls!” another voice yelled. he was slightly taller and broader than changkyun, but seemed to carry himself in a way that you could tell he was only making fun.

still, changkyun looked like a tomato. it was kinda cute, “oh my god, hoseok, i literally need her for a project!”

“oh really? is that true?” he smirks, looking over at you.

you just shrug, not really knowing what to say, “fortunately for you, he’s right. let’s just get to working, kyun.”

—

after you had finished working for the night, you could have left. you easily could have just gone home and ate and passed the fuck out, but someone stopped you... or more like, they both stopped you.

“just hang out for a couple hours! i’ll order pizza and we can play games!” changkyun begged, pouting and showing off his dimples, thinking that’ll sway you, “and i’m sick of always losing to him. he doesn’t even like video games!!”

hoseok laughs, “you can stay if you want. don’t let him tell you what to do.”

“it’s not like i’m forcing her!”

“pff—”

“boys!” you yell, capturing both of their attention, “it’s fine. i’ll stay. it’s free food and, instead of losing to hoseok—” you touch your finger to changkyun’s nose, giggling at his shock, “—you get to lose to me!”

“oh you’re on!” he challenges.

you spend hours playing together. hoseok just sits, commenting on your games and everyone once and a while, ever so faintly, brushing his lips to your neck.

of course, you didn’t tell changkyun, but hoseok was... more than just a new friend you met a couple hours ago.

“i told you to stop, hoseok.” you whisper to him as changkyun yells out about... something. it’s probably about the way you just killed him in game, but you’re not sure.

“i’m sorry, mommy, guess i just can’t help myself,” he smiles innocently.

he wants to play like that? you can play this game too, “alright, if you really can’t help yourself, then touch yourself for me,”

“w-wait, but kyun is right there!” he whisper shouts, but it draws changkyun’s attention.

“did you say something? i didn’t hear you,” he asks.

“just focus on your game, kyun,” you murmur, and changkyun seems to not notice how quiet his roommate had become.

he looks so pathetic with his hand in his pants, resorting to biting his thick lips hard to keep himself quiet, and with tears brimming in his eyes. he always was a crier. you don’t even notice the game ending, nor do you notice changkyun yelling in victory, your attention all on hoseok. at this point, you’d taken over jerking him off, determinded to get him to cum in his pants. he was always so embarrassed by that.

“hey, changs, look!” you murmur softly, causing hoseok to panic and make the most embarrassing eye contact he thinks he’s ever had with changkyun. you run a hand through his hard, not paying attention to either of them, “isn’t he so pretty?”

“uhm, i-i don’t know how i should respond to that,” changkyun stutters cutely, which makes you smile against hoseok’s skin as you kiss his collarbone.

“then don’t respond, and just come here,” you mutter. he slowly nods, as if approaching a dangerous animal, and he sits next to you, watching hoseok with wide eyes.

“i think he’s really pretty, you know,” you whisper to changkyun, but it’s obviously loud enough for hoseok to hear when you can see his ear turn a slightly darker shade of red, “and i promise you he’s even prettier when he cums.”

“o-oh god,” hoseok stutters, feeling too much of everything and not enough of anything to keep himself stable, and the only thing that he can rely on to keep himself up is your shoulder. he falls you with all of his strength leaving him, the feeling of your hand was a million times better than his own. he orgasms with his body trembling and he cries out at the incredible feeling he’ll never get used to.

“you alright baby?” you ask in a low voice, and hoseok hums, his head now in your lap as he recovers. you look over at the other boy, and while you expected him to be maybe a little turned on, you didn’t expect him to be as hard as he was. he looked miserable just sitting there, and you hadn’t noticed, “hey, kyunnie?”

“y-yeah?”

“do you want me to take care of you too?” you ask, and he’s quick to nod. you take this slower than you do with hoseok, only because you don’t know what he likes and dislikes, but it’s pretty easy to gauge by the cute little faces he makes, “if it makes you feel any better, i think you’re really cute like this too,”changkyun whines at the praise, his cheeks tinted just as red as hoseok’s were, “what do you want me to do, baby? use your words.”

“p-pull my hair...” he mumbles, almost inaudibly, but you can tell by his reaction to just threading your fingers through his hair, when he holds his breath and waits for the pleasure-filled pain, that this is what he wants. you tug slightly, and it gets a small reaction out of him, so you tug even more, “oh— holy shit!” he practically screams, cumming way earlier than he thought he would. as soon as he recovers slightly, he shys away from your touch.

“it’s alright baby, you’re okay.”

“but i—”

“that doesn’t matter, kyun. in fact, as long as you liked it,” you look down at hoseok, who stares up at you with wide eyes, “i wanna keep doing this.”

“oh absolutely.”

[sumu-samu]

Forbidden

“Hiya I was wondering if it’s not to much cud u maybe do a Seamus finnigan x pureblood reader where she likes him but is afraid to because he a half blood and her family and stuff (sorry if that doesn’t make sense) thanks 😊“

Pairing: Seamus Finnigan x Pure-blood!f!reader

Genre: Fluff, some angst.

Warnings: some curse words, not too many but there is still some

A.N: Here it is. Im sorry if it’s a bit all over the place. TBH I kinda pushed it and forced myself to write it. It’s not that I didn’t want to I just have a lot of school work with the holidays coming up and the end of the semester. I hope it meets your satisfactory. If not, let me know and I’ll try and rewrite it so that it does. 

Being born in a pure blood family, Y/N knew that being with any one other than another pure blood was forbidden. So if she knew that then why did she feel butterflies every time she saw him smile? 

She had started her fourth year with nothing else on her mind other than her studies, like she did every year. Of course this year was a bit different than the other years. With what happened at the quidditch world cup, and now the tournament. All she wanted to do was focus and get this year over with. But, when she saw him.. Something hit her heart. 

Seamus Finnigan, half -blood, Gryffindor, fourth year. In the four years she’s known him, she's always thought of him as kinda a dork. He had quite the tendency to make anything and everything he touched blow up in his face. At first she found it stupid, who could have the ability to blow something up without even trying? But then it just became something he did.

“So, did anyone get cute over the summer?” Lavender Brown asked the rest of the girls. They all giggled and talked about the boys of their house and some of others, while she just stared out of the window at the star filled sky.

“Y/N, you got your eye on anyone?” They all looked over to her. 

“What?” She looked away from the window. “Oh, um, no… not really.” She shrugged. 

It wasn’t necessarily a lie, she really just wanted to focus on her studies, but something about the pyro-prone boy had some sort of pull on her.

She remembered what happened when her brother came home one summer and explained that he had a new half-blood girlfriend. Her parents were furious, they forced him to break up with her and forbade him to write to her, or he could leave the family. She herself really didn’t understand what was so bad about muggle borns and half-bloods, her best friend, Hermione,  was a muggle born, but she knew her parents would never allow her to be with a half-blood. 

After sitting in the window for a little while longer, just thinking about nothing, she began to feel sleepy. Some of the other girls had gone to bed already but others just stayed up talking about their summer and some of the guys from Durmstrang. She got up from the window and went to bed.

*Time skip: first task*

She sat in the stands, next to her friends as she looked at the arena down below her. Dragons…. The first task was dragons. It was almost like they wanted one of the students to get killed. She worried for her black haired friend, who wasn’t even supposed to be in this thing in the first place. 

“Obviously no offense to Harry, but I seriously feel like Krum is going to win.” One of the boys in the year below them said. 

“Oh please. Where do your loyalties lie? Harry is obviously going to get this. He’s already had experience with dragons.” Seamus said, referencing back to their first year, when Harry, Ron, and Hermione had got out to Hagrid’s hut and witnessed the birth of a dragon. “What do you think, Y/N?” He turned to her. 

“OH, well. It all depends. They have four dragons, each one more dangerous than the next. And I’m assuming that they didn’t assign dragons to each competitor as it could be ruled favoritism, so they most likely have the competitor’s choose the dragons randomly, so it’s all up to chance. And if Harry got the most dangerous…” She shuddered at the thought of what might happen. 

“Hey,” Seamus put his hand on her shoulder, noticing the worry in her eyes. “Harry is a very talented wizard. He's strong, He knows what to do if something goes wrong. He’ll be okay.” 

“Harry also has a knack to get himself into dangerous situations Seamus, don’t forget that.” She thought back on the last four years they’ve known the famous Potter boy. Their first year, he almost died due to their possessed dark arts teacher. Their second year he almost died in the chamber of secrets, their third year, Serius Black had escaped, and there were dementors all around. During all these things she sat on the sideline, but heard about it through Hermione.

“Yeah, and he always gets himself out of it. The bastard hasn’t died yet. Come on Y/N,  

have a little faith in our friend.” He tried his best to calm her down.

The first three had gotten through the task fairly easily, she had a bad feeling about 

Harry’s match. They brought out the first dragon and she recognized it quickly. Hungarian Horntail. She took a deep breath, they were keeping the dragons on chains, Harry should be okay. She tried to keep a positive mind.

Harry came out and immediately summoned his broom. “Smart.” she thought. Harry was always skilled with a broom. But her positive mind had disappeared when the Horntail broke the chain and followed Harry. “Harry!” she yelled. “Oh my gods.” She put her hand over her mouth in disbelief.

“Hey it’s okay, He’ll be fine. It’s just like quidditch. You know, trying to stay away from the Bludgers and stay out of the way of the player tailing you.” Seamus put his hand on her back trying to comfort her. She knew he was trying to take the dangerous situation and try and make it seem less terrifying by comparing it to something Harry did almost every day.

“Finnigan, you and I both know this is nothing like quidditch. First off, the players tailing you don’t breathe fire, and want to eat you.” She scowled. 

“Bloody hell, stop being so negative. I’m just trying to help!” He threw his hands up in frustration. Once he had turned around and started to talk with Dean instead of trying to calm her down, she felt a small pull in her chest. She knew he had only been trying to help, but she seriously couldn’t get the danger of the situation out of her head and it had seemed to distract her from that. 

*Time skip: Yule Ball*

She was currently getting all dolled up for the Yule Ball, with Ginny, the youngest Weasley. Y/N was wearing a (F/C) gown, (reference), she had put her hair up in a messy sort of bun (reference). She was honestly very excited for the night, she needed to focus on getting ready, but her mind kept going back to him asking her to the dance.

“So, I… we’re friends right?” Seamus asked Y/N nervously.

“Um, yeah?” She was confused as to what had him like that.

“Well, with the Yule ball coming up… um… do you have anyone to go with yet?” He still didn’t look her in the eyes.

“No.” She shrugged. “Honestly I think I might just stay in the room alone.”

“No! Don’t do that.” He looked up to see her focused on the work she was doing.

“I mean, I don’t have anyone to go with, and it will only be a distraction.” She rolled her eyes. 

“Go with me.” He blurted out without thinking much. Y/N’s brain had gone blank,she froze. Not exactly expecting him to say that. She thought he would as Lavender or someone else, once she came back to reality she felt a tickle in her stomach. “I mean, if you really don't want to then you don’t have to.” 

“Okay.” she nodded with a smile.

“Wait, really?” His face lit up with joy. She gave him a nod and he ran off with a skip in his step. Running to Dean to talk about how he got the cute girl to go to the ball with him. Once he walked away she thought about what her parents would say. ‘They don’t need to know.’ she shrugged.

“Hello, Y/N?” Ginny waved her hand in front of Y/N’s face. She hadn’t even realized she had spaced out.

“Oh, sorry, Whats up Ginny?” She smiled at the young redhead next to her. 

“What were you thinking about?” She asked with a tilt of her head.

“Nothing important. Let’s just hurry up.” 

Once they had finished getting ready they walked out of the dorms and down the hall. They got to the stairs and saw Neville and Seamus waiting nervously. When Neville had seen Ginny he smiled and reached out his hand. But Seamus had just looked at Y/N, with awe. He didn’t move, didn’t smile, didn’t speak. Neville elbowed him in the ribs and then he finally reaches for her hand. “Hey, Neville you two go on ahead. We’ll catch up in a bit.” Seamus looked into the girls eyes, and Neville and Ginny walked off as they were told. “Hello.” He smiled.

“Oh, um, hey.” She said, cheeks turning red at how he pulled her closer. 

“You… you look…. Wow…” He said, breathless and examining all of her features. She felt the warmth spread all over her face.

“We.. we should go now Seamus.” She spoke softly, afraid that if she was any louder she would embarrass herself. 

He shrugged and moved away. “You need to be more confident. I don’t like this shy side of you.” He started walking away and she felt her chest get heavy. “I’m joking.” He said when he saw the look on her face. “But I don’t think there’s any reason to be all shy. Just be yourself.” 

They walked into the grand hall and waited as the competitors got the first dance. And then they eventually joined in. The whole night was a mix of upbeat and slower songs. The night was going great, until one particular slow song came on.

It was getting late and Y/N was getting tired, as they danced she rested her head on Seamus’ chest and they pretty much just swayed. He lifted her up to look into her eyes. “You really do look great.” He made direct eye contact. Normally it would have made her uncomfortable but looking into his eyes gave her a weird sense of comfort. They looked into each others eyes in silence. Until he leaned down and put his lips on top of hers. 

Shock ran through her body as she pushed him off. They looked at each other with wide eyes before she ran away. Seamus felt heartbroken. Not only thinking that she didn’t like him back but also afraid he had just ruined their friendship.

Y/N didn’t run back to the dorms. Instead she ran out into the courtyard. The guy she liked had just kissed her and she pushed him off her. She liked the kiss, she really did, but she didn’t want her parents to forbid her to ever talk to him. He was an art piece she could only look at, never touch.  She wanted to though, She wanted to be with him, but she was scared. Scared that her family would kick her to the curb. She also felt awkward now. What would she say when he saw her again? Would she explain it? Would she just act like nothing had happened?

She went to be that night with guilt running through her veins and sadness pushing down on her chest

*Time skip: Second task*

She had been avoiding him ever since that night. She wasn’t sure what to say or to do. At this point Seamus had gotten tired of this. When he saw her at the second task he made sure to keep an eye on her so that after they had all jumped into the water he could find her easily and pull her away. 

Harry was the last to jump in, writhing in pain, Neville was scared that he had killed him. Once Harry proved he wasn’t dead Seamus went to find Y/N. 

“Seamus? Where are you going?” Dean asked.

“I need to find Y/N. We need to talk about something.” Was all he said before leaving.

Once he found her he grabbed her by her wrists, startling the girl. He dragged her away from the lake and to the woods nearby. 

“S-Seamus?” she questioned one they stopped.

“What is going on? You haven’t talked to me since the Yule Ball. Look I get it if you don’t like me back, it’s what every, we can pretend like it never happened, but… don’t stop being my friend… please.”  He looked at her with soft eyes. 

“Seamus, it’s not that I don’t like you back…” She began “It’s that I do like you back…” 

“That doesn’t make a lick of sense.” He said bluntly.

“It really does. I like you back, but I can’t. I shouldn’t like you back.” She looked at the ground.

He pushed her up against the tree. “Look, stop playing with me. I’m not a toy. You like me back great, let me take you to Hogsmead. You don’t like me back, fine, this never happened, make up your mind.” He looked deep into her eyes.

“I do like you Seamus. But my family…” She wanted to cry. Seeing her eyes start to water Seamus lightened up a bit.

“You’re family what?” He moved his hand to her cheek, ready to catch any tears that may fall.

“My family is full of purebloods… I-I can’t be with you. No matter how much I want to.” A single tear rolled down her face.

“Stop lying. Why would it matter?” He started to get angry again.

“I’m not lying. My family said that I am only allowed to date other purebloods. Even if I tried to date you, they’d either kick me out of the family or, forbid me from ever talking to you again. And I really like you, I don’t want to stop being friends.” She grabbed his hand.

“Y/N, give this a try. I’ll stand up for you if your family tries to take you away from me. So what? Why should my blood keep us apart? I like you, and if you really are telling the truth, then you like me. No one should get to tell you who to be with. That’s up to you and to you only.” He pulled her closer to him, taking both of her hands into his. “Let me take you to Hogsmead this weekend, please?” 

“Okay.” she nodded with a smile.

“Can I kiss you again?” He asked, looking into her eyes for an answer.

“Oh… um… y-yeah… sure.” her face went red. He leaned in and put his lips on her. She didn’t push away this time. She just melted into the kiss. Her head buzzed, and her heart felt like it would burst. This is what she wanted. She’d find a way to get what she wanted and stay in the family.

“Let’s go back.” He pulled away, interlocking their hands and heading back to the lake.

[princessamericachavez]

Fjorester in the Bjreaus talk

It’s yelling about Fjorester hours. I haven’t done this breakdowns in a while but there’s so much to analyze in that Bjreau’s talk and so much subtext and admissions and feelings in Fjord’s explanations that I really need to go step by step

this is mostly focused on the Fjorester side of the conversation because so many people have already broken down the BY in it and maybe i will too later but for now let me focus on my main OTP because wow 

Beau: So…. Jester

Fjord: *pikachu panic*

Fjord: There it comes. I was wondering when that melodic intro was gonna hit. 

Fjord: J-J-Jester?

THE WAY HE STUTTERS HER NAME. IM SO SOFT. 

Beau: You know what I’m gonna ask, dude, right? Like, what’s the deal?

Fjord, still deflecting: when you come with the ‘dude’, yes, I know what you wanna as.

Fjord, getting serious suddenly: What? What about Jester?

THAT’S THE FACE YOU MAKE WHEN YOU KNOW YOU’VE BEEN CAUGHT ON UR CRUSH AND UR TRYING TO PLAY IT COOL BUT YOU’RE FREAKING OUT ENTIRELY

I MEAN THAT SMILE

Beau: 

Fjord:

Beau:

THEY BOTH KNOW. THEY ARE JUST DARING THE OTHER TO SAY IT OUT LOUD. 

Beau, finally giving in: You know how she feels about you. Or, at least, how she did. I don’t know if she still does.

*Fjord, immediately, starts touching his mouth in that nervous mannerism he always has when his image insecurities are brought up, like he wants to hide his tusks*

*i start quietly sobbing*

Fjord: I don’t either! I have no idea. 

DO YOU HEAR ME SCREAMING ABOUT FJORD, AFTER 108 EPISODES, ACKNOWLEDGING ALL THE FLIRTING JESTER USED TO DO AND THE FACT THAT SHE MIGHT HAVE HAD A CRUSH ON HIM EVEN IF HE DOESN’T KNOW IF THAT’S STILL THE CASE?

HE’S NEVER ACKNOWLEDGED THAT BEFORE

Fjord: I’m actually the less clued in as to how Jester feels. I actually tried to… ask, but I don’t know. 

WHEN FJORD? YOU HAVEN’T ASKED. SO WHEN DID YOU TRY? WHEN DID YOU WANT TO AND DIDN’T? WHAT CONVERSATION WAS YOU CAREFULLY TRYING TO SEE IF SHE STILL LOVES YOU? I NEED ANSWERS

Beau: You have to kinda be direct with Jester. Like, if you tried to side-step it-

Fjord: I get that. It’s just that there are more pressing matters at hand

I KNEW HE WASN’T GOING TO DO ANYTHING DURING TC BECAUSE SHE’S SO STRESSED ALREADY AND HE WANTS HER TO HAVE HER TIME AND ALL THEIR SUPPORT WITHOUT ADDING STRESS

Fjord: And… I feel like I’m the fourth version of myself since I left Port Damali. And I feel like it could change again in a month or three months. I feel as if the ground is shifting underneath my feet every few nights that I wake up. And it’s crazy, I actually love cause it’s all been for the better, it no matter how crazy it’s been, but what I wanted when this all began is so far in the past I can’t… I forget about it sometimes. It comes for me in the middle of the night. But… Jester is hard to ignore. 

I HAVE (as you might expect) SO MANY FEELINGS ABOUT THIS WHOLE LITTLE MONOLOGUE 

FJORD SUMMING UP SO MUCH OF HIS ARC AND HOW HE’S STILL NOW TRYING TO FIND HIMSELF AND WHO HE REALLY IS AND HOW HE KEEPS CHANGING AND GROWING

but clearly that lack of stability, as much as it thrills him, it also makes him anxious, not knowing who he will be next and what he will believe and what he will want

AN ALLUSION TO HIS DEATH THAT WE NEVER TALKED ABOUT BUT CLEARLY —CLEARLY— IS STILL IN HIS MIND AND SOMEONE NEEDS TO ADRESS ASAP PLS 

And then, right there after the nod to his death, Jester comes back into the statement. Fjord describes the changes and turmoil in his life like all of that is already too much to also focus on love… and then says but she’s still there, in my mind, by my side, all the time. In that mess of these pasts few months, Jester is his lighthouse

Beau: Yeah, no. I- I know! I’m pretty certain literally everyone has a crush on her. 

Fjord *panics like that Joey meme*: WHAT?

Beau: Like, at least all of Mighty Nein. I don’t know, though, but I’m pretty sure everyone she meets is like ‘well, I’d maybe kill for you, yeah’

Fjord: No, yeah, I totally agree with. 

ME TOO BJREAUS. ME TOO. 

Fjord: No, I- where is she?

I’M SO SAD THAT FJORD MISSED HIS PERCEPTION FOR HER BECAUSE I WONDER WHY TRAVIS WANTED TO KNOW SO BADLY 

I HAVE THE FEELING THERE WAS SOMETHING THERE OTHER THAN BEING CAREFUL SHE WOULDN’T HEAR HIM

Fjord: I... 

LOVE HER? WHAT WERE YOU GOING TO SAY FJORD WHAT

THIS PAUSE IS SO LONG IT’S AGING ME

Fjord: You know when someone makes you feel a way that you don’t think you have any right to feel? Or you never thought that you might?

I AM SCREAMING  

FJORD

BABY 

WHY DON’T YOU THINK YOU’RE EVEN ALLOWED TO LOVE HER

WHY NOT??

YOU DESERVE LOVE AND TO BE LOVED AND YOU ABSOLUTELY CAN LOVE HER LIKE PLS TRAVIS WHY ARE YOU GIVING ME ALL THIS PINING MY ROMANTIC ASS CAN’T HANDLE THIS

BUT ALSO LOOK AT THAT SMILE

HE’S SO IN AWE WITH HIS OWN FEELINGS AND HAPPINESS

Fjord: And that feels... off... because I should know how I feel or what I want! 

*low wisdom frustration intensifies*

Fjord: But... there’s a gravity around Jester, at least to me, and she’s the one I’ve known longest in this new part of my... life. And I really thought that when this started there would be an end for me in this, and I would get even or retribution or payback and then I’d be... done. And it hasn’t been that way at all! It shriveled up and died and in its place seven new interests sprouted and... 

[i can’t type the whole Academy thing, im too tired and this is so long already but what a great throwback]

Listen listen listen tho

i wanna talk about this

i wanna talk about fjord noticing jester’s crush and not acting on this because he was convinced the m9 were temporary

i want to talk about a part of him always feeling like this will eventually end and be ripped away from him and how then it kept going and going 

and this woman he met was just such a steady and supportive presence in his life through it all that finally, finally after months, he can’t deny that she’s part of his life for good??

but that also explains what he said before and how he’s afraid that he’ll change again and lose this

like, there’s SO MUCH TO UNPACK HERE GUYS SO MUCH ABOUT THEIR EARLY HISTORY AND WHERE THEY STAND NOW

Fjord: I... I... I want Jester to be happy. 

Fjord: I do feel v-v-very strongly for her. 

FJORD LOOK SO FRUSTRATED WITH HIMSELF AS HE —WHO IS KNOWN FOR HIS SILVER TONGUE— STRUGGLES TO PUT INTO WORDS HIS FEELINGS AND KEEPS FREAKING STUTTERING SO MUCH IM SO

Fjord: But I also know, when this began, her affections might have been based entirely on whimsy... I don’t know!

I AM LIVING FOR THIS ANGST

FIRST OF ALL: SECOND CONFIRMATION THAT FJORD NOTICED ALL THE FLIRTING

SECOND OF ALL: HIS INSECURITIES COMING FORTH AND TELLING HIM MAYBE SHE NEVER LIKED HIM ANYWAY

THIRD AND FOREMOST: I FREAKING LOVE THIS TROPE OF PINING SWITCHAROO AND THE WAY THIS REFLECT JESTER’S DOUBTS DURING THE PIRATE ARC ABOUT MAYBE FJORD NOT BEING WHO SHE FIRST MET AND THE WAY THEY KEEP SECOND GUESSING THEIR OWN JUDGMENT OF EACH OTHER EVEN WHEN THEY KNOW EACH OTHER THE BEST

AND LISTEN LISTEN IM JUST

this is the perfect parallel to her talk with caleb in darktow ok

and im fucking living for this angst and this doubts and to see fjord yearn for her the way she did for so long 

WHAT A DELICIOUS DYNAMIC 

Fjord: And I don’t really feel like asking, either. I almost don’t wanna... know.

THAT HESITATION DESTROYS ME SO MUCH

FJORD IS SO SCARED TO RUIN THINGS, TO LOSE HER, TO HAVE CONFIRMATION THAT HIS FEELINGS AREN’T RECIPROCATED

but here’s the thing. He’s ok with that. He doesn’t expect her to love him back, doesn’t need her to feel the same way. Fjord is just happy loving her and being her friend and being here to support her and make her happy. That’s enough. 

How selfless is that? How absolutely romantic and painful and heartfelt? 

I love this so much. This love isn’t possessive nor demanding. All he wants, all he really asks for, is the chance to make sure she’s happy and safe. 

He requires nothing in return. Being around her light and showering in her warmth are enough. She’s already given him so much support, he can’t ask more... certainly not love in the way he would want, in the way he would hope, because life has never told him he’s worthy of such thing —not a monster like him— so why would she? 

Fjord: I just like it and, to me, as long as she’s alright...

hOW MANY TIMES BY NOW HAS FJORD SAID IN DIFFERENT CONVERSATIONS “as long as she’s alright” “as long as she’s happy” “as long as she’s not getting hurt” “as long as she trusts him” HE KEEPS REPEATING IT LIKE IT’S THE ONE THING THAT TRULY MATTERS TO HIM IN THE WORLD IM-

Fjord: It seems like this is not a permanent... thing. It’s not like we’re gonna leave her in this island and we’re gonna just go off which I was worried about before, but it sounds like it’s all... for show and it might be the Nein again after all this.

HEAR ME OUT

FJORD WAS WORRIED ABOUT JESTER LEAVING

ABOUT JESTER STAYING HERE

ABOUT JESTER TAKING OFF WITH THE TRAVELER AND NOT LOOKING BACK

and we know that was a possibility right?

BUT I THINK BACK TO THE VERY FIRST TIME SHE MENTIONED THIS (iirc it was after the giants fight way back during their second xhorhasian mission) HE SEEMED CONCERNED ABOUT JESTER GOING FOR GOOD. THERE WAS A HESITATION THERE

But really I wanna know how long... how long has Fjord been worried about her leaving, about loosing her... how much of what’s been going on has been him —without saying it— concerned that she’s about to leave the group, how many of their interactions and conversations (”i’m glad you’re here”, “we are happy to have you”, all the talks about disappearing and leaving the sad parts of the world behind) had him secretly concerned that she would soon leave??

AND DON’T GET ME STARTED ON WHAT HAPPENED IN THE LATER HALF OF THE EPISODE

Fjord: and then, I don’t know what. I wanna explore the world! I want to see the lands we haven’t seen! I want to find the things that people are scared of and solve them or do what everyone else needs to do...

Fjord: but....... I- I hope- I hope she’s a part of that

I’M SCREAMING PLS BOY HE’S SO IN LOVE AND ALL BUT CONFESSING IT HELP ME PLS

the way he deflates and gets very quiet and earnest as he admits this????

im sobbing

[im not gonna get on Beauyasha territory because as much as that made me want to scream too this is soooo long already that i feel like that deserves a meta on its own]

i do wanna point out that fjord definitely seemed kinda jealous when Beau started describing her former crush on Jester

Like, he’s so excited to talk about her and Yasha but when Beau brings past feelings into this you can feel a note of panic and defensiveness as he says 

Beau: so I definitely had a crush on Jester, just since we’re drunk and we can be...

Fjord: when you said it before, it was like a thing... you had a real crush on Jester?

Beau: well, she’s so enigmatic, like you said and she just like... she’s got this way... just when she talks...

Fjord: 

Fjord: I’m talking about Yasha! You can go back to Yasha! It’s- uhm-

HE’S SO ANNOYED IM LAUGHING SO HARD

also fun thing

it’s similar to when he’s reacted to the traveler before and jester calling artagan handsome lmfao

im just saying 

and I like that he’s being supportive and he listens and all, even when Beau brings Jester back up... but then he confirms that Beau’s feelings for Yasha are deeper than for Jester and he definitely seems happy with that answer, both for Beau’s happiness (you know Fjord is so excited about these two since forever but especially the way he asks when he turns the tables on Beau he’s so excited for her!) but also because maybe it means one less chance that his own feelings won’t be reciprocated? like an... “alright, so we are good? with this? this is not going to hurt your feelings if i.. if i do love her?” and i think that’s very sweet? like regardless he’s gauging the depth of Beau’s feelings in this regard and I think if she confessed something deeper he would, heartbrokenly, step back and let her have a chance... especially since he’s happy just loving Jester from afar

ANYWAY

I WILL KEEP YELLING ABOUT THIS CONVO IN MY CORNER

AND OTHER MOMENTS THAT I WILL PROBABLY BREAK DOWN LATER

BUT THAT’S ALL FOR NOW

OKAY THAT’S A LOT OF YELLING

bye

[shyflameweasel]

My attempt at writing something that is not a pseudo essay nor a stream of consciousness.

A notebook covered in blood and viscous black substance is found. Dark footprints lead away from the scene. All but a handful of passages are illegible. 

It was supposed to be a normal day. Another day working under the Auditor; trying to survive the hellhole that Nevada has become with all the crazies roaming around. Lunch was supposed to be chili dogs since our site found a ton of canned food not too far out. Some of the folks two floors down were setting up an empty room for Harry’s birthday tomorrow.

Instead...instead the alarms went off. Not the normal ones for those crazed bandits or the pockets of resistance. It was a alarm we all hoped never to hear, Wimbleton was on his way if not already in the building.

The higher ups pulled a runner. Doesn’t mean I’m not angry at those lucky bastards for cutting their losses. Although, wouldn’t be too surprised if the rest of Wimbleton’s group haven’t already tracked them down.

The Engineers on the upper floors grabbed a few of us before we went to our death. There was no pretending that we weren’t cannon fodder. We’re just meat to the grinder in what would be our slaughterhouse. Apparently they have sensitive data that has to get to the other bases for an ongoing project. Said that it was some kind of transportation tech but wouldn’t tell us more since it was ‘more than our pea brains could handle’. Well fuck you too guys, especially you Gerould.

They wanted a backup plan incase they couldn’t forward the data in time. Said backup is to use us as guinea pigs for said experimental tech with a notebook of data. For smart guys they sure are dumbasses. Apparently they’re out of options as most of the Agents are dead, the Soldats were fighting him off and our one MAG agent is now just a torso and head.

Whatever the hell they were working on failed and now I’m stuck in a place that looks like a tar pit with no clue as to where the others are. According to the notes sometimes a full transfer doesn’t happen right away and people get stuck. Whoop-de freaking do. So now I’m stuck here for who knows how long.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I have no clue how long it’s been. Time’s kinda just stopped. Guess the silver lining is that I haven’t been hungry the entire time. I’ve looked through this stupid notebook and all I can get is that no one’s ever been here for more than a few minutes. I’m gonna go for a wild guess here and say that I’ve broken the record for being in a hellhole. Well, a different one. Who knows, maybe I’ll get a promotion for getting more data for those guys. It’ll even have a nice cushy chair.

Started walking, not much else to do. Quite a site if I do say so myself, sludge to the left of me, goop to the right, and tar as far as the eye can see! Hopefully walking will help get me out of here.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I miss the sky. Heard that a long time ago it was blue with a bright light called the sun. Same with the ground, used to be green.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Either I’m going crazy, or something’s here with me. I get the felling of being watched constantly. And faintly I keep hearing this soft sound. Can’t really make it out. 

Walking hasn’t done anything. Everything looks the same still. Not even tired and I can’t tell if its a good thing or not anymore.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Never thought I’d say this but I miss other folks. Sure they’re a pain in the ass but its better than this.

The feeling hasn’t gone away and I swear to god if that sound doesn’t stop I’m gonna loose it.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Why was I the unlucky bastard? Why couldn’t it have been someone else.

Should have just stayed back at the base. A painful death is a whole lot better than nothingness.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Damn the AAHW and fuck Hank. If I ever get out of here I’m getting as far away as possible from all this.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Getting harder to write. Has the notebook always been this small?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Shit. Found one of my team. Mutated. Tore out a chunk of me. Killed them.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It’s singing. 

It

won’t

stop.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Its in my lungs and Im coughing up sludge.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

let me out  let me out let me out let me out let me out let me out let me out let me out let me out let me out let me out let me out let me out let me out let me out let me out let me out let me out let me out let me out let me out let me out let me out let me out let me out let me out let me out let me out let me out let me out let me out let me out let me out let mE OUT LET ME OUT  LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

soothing melodies

the way is clear

ill get them all

it will be fun

to rip and tear

so very happy

This is where the notebook ends. Almost all of it is ruined by the substances. The illegible portions must have been the aforementioned data and part of the ramblings. Whether intentional or not it was just about useless. Hank pocketed the book anyway. Maybe 2BDamned or Deimos could have a better time at figuring out the ramblings to see if this project really existed? Or it could have just been another crazy. Hank didn’t really care, he had work to get back to.

[khaleesiofalicante]

So, again a lil late, but here I am!! You know? I read the chapter the same day you posted it. I put my notes simultaneously. I even woke up early for some weird reason!!! And I forgot to send the ask...I cant with myself😂

Hallo!!  Ich bin zurück, um wieder verletzt zu werden💙

“It’s dangerous, obviously. But also, crazy.” “Didn’t you try to do necromancy?” (there is not hierarchy of clowns when they all entretain the same circus...)

JACE NO!! 😭 The letters!!!

"Alec. The one thing that had always mattered." Ouch.

"Blue eyes that were now tired and worn and were threatening to shut permanently" Thanks! I didn't need a reminder :)

"He remembered a time when both Max and Rafe had been small enough for Jace to put them in duffle bags and sneak them out to missions. Now they had grown up. And growing up sucked. It got people hurt." I dont know why....but this hit hard...

"Love made you a reckless fool." LBAF! Well, almost 😂

Parabatai feels win again💙

Every time I hear that David is gone, it feels like the first time cause its just🥺😭

“If we pay someone else to do it, it means our lives are more valuable just because we have more money to spare,” Jace explained. “So, even if we could do that, we shouldn’t.” (And we love you for that honey!!)

“Max, I already kidnapped one son,” Jace pointed out. “If I take the other, Alec might actually kill me.” (yeah, sounds like a good reason...)

“First, breakfast,” Jace grinned. “Then I go raise Raziel.” (My man has his priorities straight!! Kinda..)

Roman is jsbdjsjsb🥺

“Does it turn into a sword? Like in Percy Jackson?” (Also my fist thought😂)

I feel the device is going to be important at some point...

“I have more pens back home,” Roman said. “If I had known, I would have brought all of them.” (they are so cute and a perfect team and in this essay I will....)

💙THEM💙

“I’m basically 16,” Georgia said, who was totally 15. (Getting Alec Vibes... 😂)

CAMILA IS A QUEEN!!

“No. I ate it.” “Why the fuck?” (Why not right?)

"I think you are my favorite shadow police yet," I'M LOVE THEM✨

HOLY SHIT THIS CAN HELP MUNDANES!! YESSS

"Stupid self-sacrificing idiot,” Like father like son (which father? I DONT KNOW)

No, no no. She can be dead right???

Anjali....

YES. SHE IS A BADASS GODNESS EVEN WHEN SHES ABOUT TO DIE!!

"I told you the Angel won’t let us down.” “Um,” Roman said awkwardly. “There is something you should know about that.” Lmaoo😂

That right!!! They are finally getting shit done and I love them!!!

OH SHIT. ALEC KNOWS...

"Alec had punched him then, not holding back. And then he had hugged Jace tightly and told him everything was going to be okay." I'm confused but honestly I dont care💙

"His eye was still badly bruised. He hadn’t used an iratze, which usually meant he was sorry." 🥺 also, Magnus wanting to kill him is so funny for some reason 😂

“So, don’t give Jace shit,” Isabelle said. “You are just as dumb. I have two idiots for brothers!” (I mean thats not new Izzy...)

“Lightwood women are something else.”YES THEY ARE!!

"She had Izzy’s mind and Simon’s heart. But she reminded him so much of Max" Hdjdrlob its so true its not even funny anymore 😭

“I got you,” Magnus whispered and squeezed his hand. 💙💙💙💙

This is going oddly ok.... I dont trust this...

"But Alec had hoped that one day he would get to chat about love with his children. He wanted to know about that part of their lives." I feel personally attacked...

Sizzy its so proud of their daughter!!!

“YAS!” Emma yelled from the back. “Go, Team Lovehollow!” Alec pointedly ignored that. (No, no...let her speak!!)

“Maybe he is an anti-vaxxer too,” “Gabriel, shush!” (I laughed harder than i should 😂)

BITCH. THEY ARE SO FUCKING ANNOYING!!!

Yup. I told you things were going too good to be true...

“Show some fucking gratitude.” YESSS

“We demanded justice!” another shadowhunter stood up. “Our law was broken.” “My son is dead,” Alec snapped. “Is that justice enough for you?” (IM IN THE MOOD TO STAB SOMEONE!!)

I want to quote many things here, but I'll just leave it to: HELL YEAH MARYSE!! HATE EX-COHORT MEMBERS!! I JUST WANT JACE TO PUNCH THAT ASSHOLE!! MAGNUS SHOULD PORTAL THEM TO HELL!! AND HOLY SHIT YES ANJALI. SHOW THEM HOW ITS DONE!! MY GIRL AINT TAKING ANYONES SHIT!!

“Bro, I am not sure if we can girlboss our way out of this one.” Me neither...

Ah shit. Here we go again....

Would just like to point out that every conversation between Mina and Max is amazing 😂😂

“Your brother has been separated from your family long enough. It is time for him to go. And it must be done properly. It’s a basic right – criminal or not.” I'm...surprised...still simping tho....

David kept it in his wallet!! 🥺

"But like most things in his life, this too had to be a spontaneous and half-assed trip." Can relate

Lightwood-Banes be like: ✨The masculine urge to go to Edom and get yourself killed✨

THE SCENE!!! THE FUCKING SCENE!!! IS HERE!!!!

Wow. That. Everything. What? Honeslty I couldn’t quote anything cause I was too busy trying not to scream and shaking but...

“We don’t trust you, Max,” dad said, walking to the door. “You broke our trust when you tried to do necromancy.”

But they didn’t know. They didn’t understand the emptiness he felt inside himself. The terror.

But here he was, sitting inside the pentagram, half-way to hell, and he had no magic to defend himself.

Fucking killed me. Honeslty I dont know why I'm surprised anymore :) Shit just got real like 15 chapters ago and hasnt chilled out since then...

Wie auch immer, bis bald.  Und Pass auf Dich auf!!<33

I thought it was Finnish!!! Damn, I keep losing this game(?)

I love your live blogs so, so much. Thank you sending them even after this time!!!

Also THIS ABSOLUTELY KILLED ME YOU HILARIOUS BEAN OMG -

Lightwood-Banes be like: ✨The masculine urge to go to Edom and get yourself killed✨

[alreadyblondenow]

Sugar | 2

Jaehyun x reader // SMUT, Fluff, Angst? Summary: You wanted to get rid of Jaehyun but the man has his way to your heart. Being involved with someone like Jaehyun is the last thing you want right now, but its certainly what you need. Love.  Word Count: 4k Warnings: Mentions of alcohol, older Jaehyun, younger reader, age difference. If you’re uncomfortable, please click away. Explicit mature scenes, rough? sex, Cheating?  Note: In this chapter, there will be no sex but its kinda connected to the following chapters huhu and its kinda long :(( hope you still read it. (there will be following chapters so the genre will change eventually to fluff, angst and smut.) also sorry if there are misplaced words or wrong spelling.  Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

A week passed already after your unforgettable experience with Jaehyun. You told your friends what happened and how he turned out to be older than you and how it made you feel bad because it almost looked like you had sex with your sugar daddy. And to avoid that from happening you left without telling him anything.

School is back and you’re school works are all pilling up. Its a Friday, you’ve been attending classes from morning to evening only having lunch break as your timeout from all the information. While you’re waiting for the school shuttle bus to head back to your dorm, your eyes almost hurt from wearing glasses the whole day.

A pitch black Lamborghini caught your eye and a really handsome man wearing a nice suit and tie leaning beside the nice car. You see him staring at you with a big smile, so big you almost caught butterflies in your tummy. People in line waiting with you, are starting to gossip who he might be and why is he smiling at you.

To hush them, you walked towards the man not because you’ve fallen to his beautiful smile but to ask him to please stop staring at you. And to you’re surprise,it’s Jaehyun. You almost didn’t recognised him because of his hair styled really neat, plus the sharp look seemed like it’s far from his personality.

“How did you find me?” Just like that, you kept your words straightforward.

“Well if you stayed a little bit longer last time, I could’ve at least introduced myself. Jung Jaehyun. Vice President of Jung Group of Companies.” He offered his hand for a shake but you refused, he ended up scratching the back of his head.

People are staring at you and Jaehyun already, and good thing he noticed it.

“can you please get in the car?” He asked politely.

“thought you’d never ask.”

He started to drive away, not sure where he’s taking you. He noticed you’re wearing glasses and that it looks good on you, not entirely sure if you want to talk so he stayed silent. But little did he know, the silence inside the car is making you sweat, and you cant take it anymore.

“What do you want, Mr.”

“I just want to take you home cause you didn’t let me last time”

It surprised you how he casually drive through McDonalds with his beautiful car, not giving a fuck about how cheap McDonalds are. He bought a full meal so you could eat something at home, buying extra burgers so you could eat something while he’s driving.

He didn’t have to, you thought, but the gesture is sweet and you were actually starving already. “Thank you for this” you said while munching some fries, “I was starving already”

You saw his bright smile and those beautiful dimples, while keeping his eyes on the road. When, hes finally out of the main road you taught him the directions going to your dorm and you arrived safely. Again it was silent, the only sound you could hear is your mouth munching the burger. He saw your skirt got up when you were eating, slowly moving his hands trying not to look like a pervert, he fixed your skirt gently covering your thighs.

It made you nervous to be honest, “haha you’ve seen me naked and fucked me good now you’re covering my legs.” You just cant believe you said that “Thank you. I was a little cold actually.”

He’s smiling again, showing his cute dimples that can make your heart melt. “ I was good?” He asked teasing you.

“Whatever, Mr.” you continue eating.

“When can I see you again?” he seemed determined you thought, and it’s starting to annoy you.

“I’m hoping never” You’re being honest, “this was nice. But its wrong at least for me. I have nothing to offer, I’m not rich like you so I’m trying to stop something from happening here.”

“Like what exactly?” He asked, innocently with his calm aura, dimples showing and he looked really handsome in your eyes. You gulp, not wanting to say the words but if this gets him to shut up you’re going to say it.

“Like you being a sugar daddy and me completely falling in love with you” you’re 100% certain he can hear your heart beat louder. He chuckled again, not looking at you but still so determined you almost felt hopeless. When will he shut up?

“No one said something about me being your sugar daddy” you scoffed, “And the last thing is not so bad. I mean I like you a lot already” you almost choke on your burger.

Not letting him get into you, you’re so stern when it comes to refusing. “No. Still no. I have to go” you gather your stuff, “thank you for everything you did tonight. It’s really sweet, okay I give you that” you breath in heavily he almost felt your struggle. “But please, this should be the last time. We really cant”

You wait for him to open the locks, his eyes are sad and you could see right through him.

“Look at you, about to leave me again. And me, letting you go for the second time around.” He moved slow while reaching the lock, but he opens it eventually and you got out of the beautiful car hoping you will never ride it again.

On the following days, you’ve been thinking about him. Learning facts about him and his company not sure why you’re doing this, but maybe it’s because you miss him. You don’t see him wait around the campus and actually, you hope someday he comes back. What you said to him made you guilty for days and it kept you up every night. Wendy said you were a little too harsh on him, she thinks Jaehyun can’t hurt a fly and that she thinks he has genuine feelings towards you. “Age doesn’t matter!” She finally pulled that card, you scoffed handed her coffee. “Yes it does!” You said, not admitting defeat.  

It was really exhausting in school lately, all of your professors are giving you a hard time and your major subjects are killing your. All you wanted to do is sleep and rest before you focus on everything that you need to accomplish.

On second thought, you figured you cant do that right now because Jaehyun is waiting for you again beside his black Lamborghini. Not thinking how your day was and you try to set aside everything for him, you were happy to see him for the first time. You sigh and walked towards him, not saying a word as you opened the door of his car, he quickly got in. Not letting him greet you, you told him to drive.

“Don’t take me home just yet” you put your hand on your face and you removed your glasses, “drive somewhere else I’m exhausted”

He took you somewhere quiet, dark and you’re certain that you guys are alone. “Tired?” He asked, breaking the silence. You nod, still not saying a word.

“Im sorry if I showed up again” he removed his seatbelt and hovers beside you, making the car seat comfortable for you so you could lay down. “Thanks” again, thats sweet of him you thought.

“Actually, I was happy to see you” you said nervously. He smiled for the first time tonight, and it made your heart jump.

“You were?” He asked almost in shock. You see his ears turned red again, and that made you laugh. “Your ears are red” you moved up from your comfort and reach for his ears.

“Yeah. That’s what happens when I get flustered” he told you with all his honesty, still smiling wide.

You run your fingers through his nape slowly, trying not to scratch him again like last time. And just like that, you leaned on him and kissed him. Just a peck, not how you used to kiss him back then. It made him flustered more, his ears looked like its going to explode.

“Jaehyun, why me?” very brave of you to asked after kissing him. You leaned back getting comfortable again in your seat.

“Because I feel alive when I’m around you, I know we met through sex but after that, I want to keep you. You were warm, and I felt that when you were tending on my wounds” he reached for your hand, holding it with full sincerity, “you want to be loved. I can say by the way we fucked and I do to. I want someone and I want that someone to be you”

You intertwined your fingers with his, filling the gaps and playing with his hands while enjoying the silence.

“I told you, I have nothing to offer. What you see you, is what you get Jaehyun. But I will try fill in these gaps, for as long as I can” you held is hand, showing him your point. He smiled brightly, his ears turning red again.

“How are we gonna do this without people thinking you’re a sugar daddy” You continue to play with his right hand, “Your car alone gave out sugar daddy vibes when you pick me up from school.”

He hums, playing with your fingers too, “I can fix that”

“Oh and please no Christian Grey stuff, no fifty shades type of situation” he let out a small laugh, he nods, his eyes getting small from giggling.

“What made you change your mind?” He suddenly leans forward to you, it made you nervous again.

“The chance of experiencing love, through you” ssatisfied by your answer, he kissed you gently like he has never done before.

Weeks passed by and youre still exhausted from school. Finishing half of your school works does not lessen your stress, but looking forward to see Jaehyun after class everday makes you happy and that thought alone can get you through the day.

The moment he arrived and you finally get to see him again, you almost faint from laughing so hard but you love what he did just so you could get comfortable around him.

He picks you up with a different car, a car similar to any normal student driver in your school. He’s wearing a plain black shirt, denim pants and clean white shoes.

But the highlight of Jaehyun’s change for today is... his purple hair.

You clapped your hands, telling him you’re impressed with the sudden change and you admire the effort just so no one would suspect that he’s older than you.

“Anything for you, y/n” and kissed your cheek, opening the front seat for you.

You’ve been dating for months now and there’s nothing but happiness everyday. Your relationship with Jaehyun became a normal relationship where sometimes you both fight like crazy, but at the end of the day both of you will compromise. Knowing each other’s likes and dislikes, studying each other’s personality, even the smallest detail is important for the both of you.

Understanding Jaehyun’s line of work was a little heavy for you but he made sure that spending time with you will never clash on his duties as Vice President. In line with that you met his friends Johnny and Yuta, the guys he’s with the night you first met turned out to be his best friends and business partners.

The purple hair did not last long, although you both loved it but you thought it’s not really necessary but it was a good memory and reminder that Jaehyun will do everything just to keep you.

As part of getting to know you more, Jaehyun knew how to make your day better specially when you’re exhausted, he figured out that you like comfortable silence that you like thinking to sort things out on your own. What Jaehyun does is, he holds your hands every time you’re silent, letting you know he’s with you and he’s ready to help when you need him.

Fitting in each other’s worlds was the hardest for the both of you. The age difference was a big factor and sometimes the root of all the fights you’ve had. There was this moment when Mark was fooling around like how he normally does, telling you about something what he wants for his birthday that requires just the two of you in dorm and Jaehyun took it seriously so he punched Mark on the face.

One time when you visited Jaehyun at his office you overheard employees talk about Jaehyun being your sugar daddy and that you’re immature for someone very successful like Jaehyun. Sometimes you hear them talk how Jaehyun’s ex, Rosè was so much better and more beautiful than you. It hurt a lot.

It was never easy for the both of you but you love each other dearly and try to work things out quickly as much as possible. Sex was almost a stranger in your relationship, Jaehyun never asked to have sex with you even though sometimes you think he might need some adult stress reliever and you wanted to offer sex. A hot make out session already satisfies Jaehyun which is very surprising.

Valentines day came in and its his birthday at the same time, he invited you to his all white birthday party that his mother organised. Who are you to say no?

“What do we say when they ask us where did we meet?” You both know the honest answer is not the right thing to say.

“Just tell them, you work from one the companies and I laid eyes on you... the most beautiful girl in the building” he said while kissing your neck up and down careful not to leave a mark.

You giggle and pushed him away, “see you later. And happy birthday. I love you” you kissed him, putting a little bit of tongue and you moaned lightly making him horny. You’ve been teasing him nowadays, trying to make him have sex with you for his birthday.

“You know, we’ve never done it after the night we first met” he bit his lips, “what do you say? Tonight? For the Valentine boy?”

Success. You laughed and kissed him again, “I’ve been waiting for you to ask me to have sex with me you dork” you see Wendy walking towards your dorm, she is going to help you prepare for tonight. You pushed the door open and waved goodbye to Jaehyun. “I’ll pick you up at 7” Jaehyun adds and drove away.

For tonight’s formal gathering, you don’t really want to catch attention but it would be nice if people will start to recognise you as Jaehyun’s girlfriend. Officially. Following the dress code for tonight, all white. A lacy tea length dress that has an off shoulder sleeves, perfectly flashing your assets showing a little bit of cleavage. Wendy did your hair, a messy bun thats actually neat. Finishing with a diamond earring that Jaehyun gave for your birthday. Hoping your nude high heels will not kill your feet tonight, you went out of your dorm Jaehyun waiting for you outside.

If you thought you’d shine tonight, forget it. Your boyfriend looked so good he already outshined you. But kidding aside, Jaehyun looked ethereal tonight wearing his gray customised suit made by Dior. He’s the only one wearing something with color tonight.

He was staring down at you long and hard, not smiling and you wonder why.

“I think maybe, I shouldn’t take you to the party” Jaehyun said making you nervous.

“I think I might take you straight to the hotel room” you can finally breath, knowing he’s just playing with you. “I dont want anyone looking at my girl” reaching for your hand, Jaehyun kisses it softly and opens the door.

“Let’s just survive this night together and I’m all yours” he said before driving.

Upon arriving at the venue, Jaehyun’s mother welcomed him and greets him a happy birthday. His father standing next giving him a tight hug.

Jaehyun never forgets you, he held your hand the entire time keeping you close and he constantly ask if you’re okay. “Im perfectly fine Jae, don’t worry” you made sure he never ask you again.

During the party, you saw Johnny, Taeyong and Yuta one of Jaehyun’s closest friends, you greet them and they were happy to see you.

“You look beautiful” Yuta whispers behind you, making you laugh and nervous at the same time. You both know he had always laid eyes on you from the moment you two first met at the bar, the night when you first met Jaehyun too.

Jaehyun always saw any man lingering around you, as a threat. For him, anyone can steal you away from him and let’s not forget what happened to Mark after Jaehyun knew he was hitting on you in school. But Yuta was a different story, Yuta is an actual threat because Jaehyun knew how Yuta works to steal someone. The moment Yuta tries to make a move he cant just punch him in the face like what he did to Mark. Jaehyun’s family and Yuta’s family worked hand in hand in the world of business for decades already, so punching Yuta in the face is definitely not worth it.

When he saw Yuta talking to you, he steals you away from Yuta telling him, “Sorry. I need her to meet some of the family from England.” You thank Jaehyun for saving you from Yuta, he told you he can see right through him thats why.

“Auntie Elizabeth, I’d like you to meet y/n, my girlfriend” Jaehyun introduces you to a whole table full of English people. Feeling so out of place, you try to be quiet and eat your food slowly to keep yourself busy.

“So y/n what do you do in life?” Auntie Petunia blurted out of nowhere. She’s the one Jaehyun warned you about, the meanest among all of his family.

When you were just about to answer her question, you were surprised how she knew almost every important detail. “We all know you’re still a student, a college delay an irregular student of... oh where does she go again? Anyway. Im surprised when Jaehyun and Rosè broke up. I heard you were devastated, my dear Jaehyun”

Jaehyun tries to smile nicely, and just nods. He reached for your hand under the table, calming your trembling hand.

Aunt Petunia sips on her wine, you wanted her to continue talking. “Johnny told us that you were so devastated, you guys went out to a bar and got wasted! Haha!” everyone in the table laughed even though theres nothing funny about what she says.

You down a glass of water, trying to digest everything she says in front of you and Jaehyun’s family. You didn’t know that Rosè was the reason why Jaehyun was at the bar with Johnny and Yuta that night. Auntie Petunia also told everyone that Rosè was in New York now, being successful in the fashion industry. She flex about Rosè as if she’s the mother.

You put up with every person Jaehyun wanted you to meet tonight, listen to auntie Petunia talk about how Jaehyun and Rosè were a perfect couple. You try so hard to be invisible for the rest of the night not wanting to meet another person who will think lowly of you.

Drinking alone by the bar, you down 5 shots of tequila already making yourself numb enough not to care about the party. You find Yuta beside you handling you more shots to drink with him. He asked for a toast, not saying a word, as if he could feel what you feel right now. You’re almost thankful he’s here.

“It will pass” he said after sucking some lime. “Everything is overwhelming but it’s just for one night. Jaehyun’s family is always like this, you should prepare yourself for the future if you’re going to marry him someday” he downed another shot, not taking a lime this time.

You watch him down 2 more shots. He looked beautiful you thought. Long silver hair, tied in a pony tail with a couple of braids, his ear piercings catching too much attention, long slender fingers with silver rings.

“You know I never thought you’d look so handsome wearing something formal but still the rockstar look is present” you said bravely, hoping he doesn’t take it as flirting with him.

He scoffs and he got closer to you, putting his hand around your waist, you can feel his hot breath over your exposed shoulders.

“And I never thought I’d be so attracted to you y/n” he said with a low voice, almost a whisper, too careful so anyone would not hear him. “leave Jaehyun and have a normal relationship with me” he bravely added as if Jaehyun was not his friend.

“You’re drunk” you said not moving an inch from him. “And you’re world is not different from Jaehyun. You live in a fancy world too, Mr.”

“Unlike Jaehyun I’m not involved with business, yet. Also” he grabs your chin and he made you look at him, “I’m way younger than him” You breathed deeply hoping its just the alcohol that’s talking, hoping you could push him away but his warm presence saves you from this place.   “Y/n, baby?” Jaehyun’s voice made you come back to reality and Yuta excused himself leaving you to Jaehyun. “I’ve been looking all over for you baby” he said caressing your back.

“Sorry. We were just talking about how the tequila tastes good without the lime” you lied to Jaehyun and you can’t believe you did that.

When it’s almost time to go home, Jaehyun knew you were hurt and overwhelmed about all thats happened tonight. “Almost done babe” he said as a form of comfort. Remembering what he said earlier, survive together. But It feels like you’re already dead and hopeless from the moment you stepped out of the car.

Jaehyun was busy saying his goodbyes to his family and friends, Yuta was staring at you with his cold sharp eyes before you get in Jaehyun’s car. The drive to the hotel was painfully silent. He thought it’s the comfortable silence that you loved so he grabbed your hand hoping he could help you out as he always does, but this time you dodge his hand for the first time.

You silently removed the pins from your hair, removing the diamond earring, trying to massage your foot. He knew that you’re far from being okay.

“You told me theres nothing wrong” he used that tone that’s not so caring of him, you hated that tone with all your gut. “You’re acting like a child” and that was the cherry on top of this perfect night you thought.

You scoffed, “Am I not?”

“No. You’re a grown woman who knows right from wrong” Jaehyun tries to stop himself from getting mad.

“And you’re a much grown man who should know better. Better than choosing a much younger girl to be your girlfriend” you spit out not looking at him. The drive was quiet on your way to the hotel and neither one of you wanted to get out of the car.

You’re already freezing and you can’t take it anymore. Wearing your high heels again you left you birthday gift on the dashboard, ready to leave the moment you see a cab waiting in front of the hotel.

“So much for surviving the night together Jaehyun. Im sorry I ruined your day” and you opened the door leaving him and getting inside a cab before he tries to stop you.

Jaehyun realised that’s where he went wrong, he dragged you in his life and he knew he’s responsible no matter what happens. He didn’t mentioned that he saw Yuta flirting with you and taking his chance while he is busy with his guests. Jaehyun knew its his fault that you’re overwhelmed with everything tonight. Not to mention some of his family were completely rude to you plus meeting the whole family all at once, Auntie Petunia’s stories about Rosè, and the fight during the drive.

He didn’t even get the chance to bring out his gift and give you flowers for Valentines. Days have passed after the fight and Jaehyun didn’t even bother to talk to you. Maybe he’s busy with meetings, talking to his fellow CEOs or what not. Your anger was long gone but you just want him to show that he still cares for you and this relationship.

You just finished having a hot shower and you were drying your hair when you received an message from Jaehyun.

Jaehyun: Hi princess, are you free tonight?

You: Yes.

Jaehyun: I’ll pick you up in 10 minutes. ----------------------------------------------------------- Thank you for reading if youre at this point! Comments, and reactions are welcome! I will love you if you talk to me. Part 3 will be posted soon, maybe later tonight. hihi Thanks again! TALK TO ME :) 

[joannie95]

Before You Go

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader platonic Steve Rogers x Reader platonic 

Summary:  Sometimes all you need is for someone to ask “are you okay?”

Word Count: 2k+

Warnings: Talk of depression and mental health, talk of death, angst 

A/N:I actually wrote something its some sort of miracle. seriously though im sorry for not updating legacy, work has gotten very stressful lately and that has been my main focus. Ill try to write more but I cant make any promises and I hope this story makes up for it.

A/N; This story was inspired by before you go by Lewis Capaldi. This story means a lot to me because at one point in my life I have had thoughts similar to the ones i wrote about. Thank you to @mo320 for proofreading 

Bucky's pov

"I hate her"

"No you don't."

"Yes I do. Why did she have to leave, why couldn't she just tell me what was wrong instead she decided to leave me."

"Bucky are you listening to yourself right now? You're making this about you, you're not mad that she left you're mad that you didn't see what was going on with her."

Maybe Steve had a point. She always seemed so happy and I was so preoccupied with what was happening in my life that I didn't see that she was hurting.

Y/N's pov

You looked at your reflection in the mirror and tried to compose and make yourself presentable for the day. You can feel that you're dying inside, you feel like you'd be a burden on your friends if they knew how you felt so all the hurt and all the pain is being pushed down for you to deal with on your own. You are brought back to reality when you hear a knock at the door, you wipe away the tears you didn't notice had fallen.

You walk to your front door but before opening it you put on your most believable smile. As soon as the door is open your best friend Bucky walks in with a bag of takeout in his hand. 

He places the bag on your coffee table and slumps down on your couch. "She was supposed to be the one, we could have been so happy together but instead I find her kissing some random guy."

You walk over to the couch and sit next to him, he lays his head on your lap and you run your fingers through his hair and chuckle. "Quit being dramatic, you went on 3 dates and she told you it wasn't serious. And that "random" guy was her ex, they broke up a month ago and we all knew they were bound to get back together once they got their heads out of their ass."

He sits back up and places his head on your shoulder as you lightly stroke his arm. "Yeah i know, it's nice to dream though."

You sit up and look at him. "Come on no moping, let's eat, get drunk and watch movies all night. What do you say?"

He laughs at your eagerness. "Alright fine." He picks up the remote and finds a movie. "you're always so happy and make everything better, how do you do it?"

A lot of practice you think to yourself. You smile and hope he believes this false front you're putting up.

You spent your day off at home, you tried so hard not to let your thoughts get to you. But once again you failed, you're a failure you couldn't even manage to get out of bed. What's the point of trying anymore if you'll never be good enough. The ringing next to you brings you back to reality, you see Bucky's name on the screen and answer hoping the cheery tone in your voice is enough to make him think you're fine. "Hey Buck, what's up? 

"Nothing much really, long day at work and I just want to forget it. I was wondering if you wanted to go out to a bar tonight." 

You hesitated, not really feeling up for human interaction at the moment. "I don't know, I'm kinda tired. I've been cleaning all day."

"Please y/n, it's been a long day and I just want to hangout with my best friend and have a fun night."

You don't want to but if you say no then maybe he'll find other friends that do want to go out and have fun. Then you'll be alone but maybe you deserve to be alone, maybe...

"Y/N. So what do you say?'

You let out a breath. "Yeah why not."

"Awesome you're the best. I'll pick you up in an hour."

You force yourself out of bed and make yourself presentable enough so you don't embarrass Bucky. 

You and Bucky have been at the bar for nearly an hour. The night started out well, you let him lead the conversation and kept a smile on your face but you're noticing his attention is elsewhere. "Bucky, did you hear me?"

"What?" He turns back to you quickly. "Yeah you were saying?"

"I asked if you're alright, you seem distracted."

He looked towards the other side of the bar before bringing his attention back to you. "I'll be right back."

Before you had time to object he was gone. You saw him walking towards a tall blond with bright green eyes. Of course, she was gorgeous and you were well, just you. He was probably embarrassed to be seen with you. You pulled your shoulders in wishing you were invisible.

About 15 minutes later Bucky came walking back with a big smile on his face. "Hey doll I hope it's alright but i'm gonna head out." He looked back at the girl a few feet behind him. "Will you be alright getting home?"

You tried not to look disappointed, you understood he'd rather spend time with anyone but you. Like second nature you put a smile on your face to hide the truth. "Of course, have fun. I'll talk to you later." 

"Thanks your the best." He kissed your forehead before quickly leaving with his new date. 

You turned back around in your seat and willed yourself not to cry. You paid your tab and wiped the tear that was about to fall before rushing out of the bar. You were so lost in your thoughts you didn't hear someone calling you till you felt a hand on your shoulder and you jumped in fear. You turned around and saw your friend Steve.

"Hey, I'm sorry I didn't mean to scare you. I was calling you but you didn't hear me, are you okay? I saw Bucky leaving with someone before I had the chance to say hi."

"Yeah I'm fine, I was tired anyways just ready to head home."

"Okay." He noticed the look on your face. You were smiling but your eyes seemed so sad, it seemed familiar to him. "well let me at least walk you home, it's late and I'd feel better making sure you got home safe."

"You don't have to do that, I'm fine. You should go enjoy your Friday night." He's probably pitying you, you're nothing but a burden to him. 

"Please. I just want to make sure you're okay."

You nod and quietly continue walking home.

After some time Steve speaks up. "Recently, I have noticed some differences in you and wondered how you're doing."

You try and act calm. "I'm fine Steve, just a lot of work is all. Nothing you should worry about."

"That's the thing though I am worried. The way you've been acting is the same way my dad used to act. He tried to put up this tough front and act like he was fine but he wasn't. There were days when he just couldn't get out of bed, at the time I didn't understand what was wrong. He needed help but he didn't want to admit it."

You came to a stop in front of your apartment building. You wiped away the tears that were starting to form as Steve continued to speak. 

"You have the same look on your face as he did when you think you people aren't looking. I regret not asking him this, it's too late for him but not for you." Tears were forming in his eyes as he was reliving the memories of losing his dad. "I need you to tell me, are you okay and what can I do to help you?"

You started to shake your head, you didn't want to put your problems onto him. Steve had enough going on in his life, how dare you burden other people with your problems.

Almost as if he knew what you were thinking he pulled you into a tight hug. "I promise you are not a burden to me or any of your friends, we love you and we just want to help."

The dam broke and once you started crying you couldn't stop. "It hurts everyday Steve and it won't stop. I try my hardest to be strong but I can't do it anymore. I can't act like I'm okay when I'm dying inside. I hate myself and I hate that I'm causing you problems. I just, I feel worthless and I can't."

"You need help, it's the only way things will get better. You can't let this eat away at you till you can't take it anymore, we can't lose you. It kills me how your mind can make you feel so worthless."

Steve stays over that night, you talk and understand the best thing for you to do is move back home with your dad in Seattle and get the proper help you need. You call your dad and apologize for waking him up before explaining the situation, he's more than happy to welcome you back home. You and Steve spend the rest of the night making a plan. You'll take what's most necessary to Seattle and leave the rest in storage until you're ready, if you're ever ready to return to New York. 

You don't see or hear from Bucky again till a few days later. By then you're all packed up and ready to leave waiting for your cab to arrive. He pulls up to your building and sees you hugging Steve and suitcases by your side.

"Thank you for everything Steve, I didn't realize how much help I really needed if it weren't for you."

"Of course, I just want you to be okay. Don't be afraid to call me if you ever need to talk and I promise to visit." He turns around when he hears a car door close and sees Bucky walking towards the both of you. "I think i should get going now, call me when you land." With that said he walks towards his car and greets Bucky before driving off.

Bucky walks towards you confused about the situation. "Hey, what's going on? Are you going on a trip you didn't tell me about?"

"I'm going home to Seattle Bucky." Your grip tightens on your suitcase handle.

"To visit? How long are you going for?"

You let out a breath. "No, I'm not sure how long I'll be gone."

"Wait, what do you mean." He started to raise his voice at you. "Were  you just going to leave without telling me? How can you do this to me? We're supposed to be best friends."

"Yes we are supposed to be best friends so tell me why you never notice something was wrong. Bucky, if we were really best friends you would have noticed how depressed I am. I felt, I feel like I'm dying inside some days but you're so preoccupied with your love life you couldn't be bothered to notice. Look Bucky, I care about you and I want you to be happy but right now I need to focus on me and I can't do that here."

He started to cry once he knew the truth. "I'm sorry, i'm sorry I didn't notice but please don't leave me."

Your cab pulled up and it was time to leave, the driver took your bags and you asked him to give you a minute. You pulled Bucky to the side. "I'm sorry but I have to go now. I hope I can be well enough one-day to come back but for now I can't be here." You pull him into one last hug and kiss his forehead before letting go. 

Before you get into your cab with tears in his eyes he speaks up. "Before you go. Was there something I could've said to make it all stop hurting?"

"Honestly, all you had to do was ask are you okay?" And with that you left, hopefully one day soon you'd be able to return as a better person in a better place. 

@agentmarvel13 @1v-kayla @5sos-wdw @a-dancing-hufflepuff @agent-barnes40 @agreatcheesecakestudentstuff @annoylinglyaries @antclottz @avngrsinitiative @bradfordsgreekgod @babypink224221 @captainam-erika-trash @carisi-sonny @caseymcflurry @chook007 @cosmiccomicloverqueen @daniellajocelyn @doctoranon @ecamille-xo @editsbyjenny @ellieababy @eternaleviee @futuremissstark @geeksareunique @gummiwormsandonedirection @henrietteoaks @hermionie-is-my-queen @imahoeforbucky @ineedmorefanfics @isabella-bby @jaemingold @jamessbarnnes @junitorials13 @katykyll @keenmarvellover @klanceiscannon14 @lady-sigyn @littlephoenix-fire @lovemarvelousfics @l0kisbitch @luckyfiction17 @ludwigvonbaethoven @maddie-laufeyson @magnificentsoulecollector @mikariell95 @mistressoftorture  @moli1497 @nanajaeminniee @orderoftheflamingflamingos @oxodianaoxo @paintballkid711 @pastelpurplexoox @peteyparkersbabyy @princessizzy36 @shallowshawn @sillydecoy @spodermanpete @starstruckgardenstudentzonk @stuckyandsciencebros @superhero2552 @thatharrypotterfan13 @thatweirdchick147 @the-ducks-umbrella @tienna-laufeyson16 @trustme3-13 @wishiwasanavenger @xalinx @yougottalovefandoms @zaza-jones @izzyisavengersupernaturaltrash @angstysebfan @rarelikesel

[smallestclowninthecircus]

Season 3 notes popping off

due to my desire to not completely fail all my classes this year i made myself slow down significantly while listening to this season, and the fact that the other person i'm listening along with had to catch up. We've managed to convert several other people to start listening and its pretty great.

ep 81: what does it even mean to be chosen by one of them? And if he was chosen by the eye. we know Gertrude wasnt? Because she cut the eyes out of the magazines?

ep 82: elias lmao. I understand why people like him so much bahshdhdk i thought he was gonna snitch on Jon but he didnt so he's fine. Ok but how do we think he knew all that stuff. Idk probably just institute connections. I love the fact that the recorder just wants to record stuff randomly bjahsjdhd. Elias feels a lot like Michael in the sense that he knows more than he should and talks in a way that implies he just wants to wait and see how things play out for his own benefit. I understand him knowing the things that happened but his description of her emotions implies something paranormal. Maybe he's connected to one of the entities. Which one I cannot guess.

ep 83: did a file get delivered randomly to the place he's staying at? Probably elias lmao. He thinks the mannequin is related to the stranger. Idk I would believe it.

ep 84: worms? I know he says earth worms but idk. Again? Is she making gordon golems out of trash? Martin popping off. You can tell the statements get to him more that they get to Jon. How come martin is so mad about it? I want to assume he just doesnt want her to get stuck there but idk. Jude Perry. The calliope organ. Jon heard a circus in one of the last episodes

ep 89: he's talking to perry? Like jude Perry? He says ... God? Is that what it is? Lmao. The Desolation. Jon is tired of ppl being vague and not telling him stuff lmao. Oh God Jon is so confused. Compel her? Is she assuming he has some kind of power? Does he have powers? Hmm. im agreeing with jon here please jesus christ why does everyone have to be so cryptic. Just say what you mean. "maybe you get an itchy eye" bahasjkdfklsjdf girl what. Agnes saved her? Oh this is the girl from the cafe story? So theres the Cult of the Lightless Flame? They worship whatever entity this is? The Desolation? Why do they all seem like they sorta worship her then? Is Gretchen gonna die oh god. fuckin michael. a different michael aaah. i see. dont do it shes gonna burn you. sir. please. sir dont you dare do- WHAT DID I SAY what did you think was gonna happen hhh.

ep 90: try to make it less obvious you're trying to get fired big T. Elias that doesnt sound like the most healthy thing to do. oh dear is this gonna be triggering for me. uuuuuh. uuuuuuuuuh. doesnt seem like it ok gonna keep listening. Jared. hmmmmm. Ok we've seen Keay and hotner or whatever his name was.

ep 91: Michael Crew. Oh is this the lightning scar guy. Mister jon sir did you just die. No? God everyone is so fuckin cryptic. Say normal things please. They all just like to go on about pain and agony and j e s u s c h r i s t we get it you got hurted by whatever thing. So theyre avatars? question mark? Jude Perry is an avatar of The Desolation? hhhh fractals. thats a spiral thing innit. Yup. messing with your perceptions. God they all talk about feeding their god and feeding that which feeds them and. hh what does that meann. Leave big J. please. uh oh. is it daisy? how come he has the web lighter still? the tape recorder just turns on sometimes you know how it is. So he can compel people? not that he knows it obviously but. a bit wack. powers go brr i guess? If the eye just wants knowledge i guess he feeds it by getting the statements? b/c i doubt it wants him to murder ppl or whatever.

ep 92: elias you all knowing fuck what do you know. (i guess all given what i just said) Lukas. Heard of them before. Mordecai Lukas. Loneliness. The lonely even. Jonah Magnus. Elias ur sounding like a bit of a dickhead rn. lmao jon's just like "i dont care" elias what is ur deal. Why does he want to tie her in. ohh i see. lmao theyre all just like "elias why" The Unknowing lol seems very much like something the eye wouldnt like. lol elias is gettin all philosophical. what does it really mean to be human. this still doesnt answer why gertrude wanted to destroy the archives tho.

ep 93: bahsjdfh he seems so dead inside rip. awww admiral. i love him already. ghh breacon and hope. purple mold. doesnt sound like anything we've seen so far. I think the funniest explanation for breacon and hope is that they dont actually serve the stranger they just kinda happen to be a random neutral party that cart around random spooky entity related stuff. ooooh. when we hear the slight static of the tape recorder it's cuz he's compelling ppl.

ep 94: the end! listen man they were all just grayed up for 4/13.

ep 95: the end also? death but also savagery/ animalistic shit. aww martin. lmao becerra. she's just been chillin in the corner.

ep 96: return to sender. haha minecraft go brr. prediction: breacon and hope? yup there we go. jon why is there an echo. are you in a stairwell? is he gonna eat it- yup. how did i call it. unsure abt what theyre talking about but ok. they kidnapped someone? Sarah Baldwin. ooooh that guy.

ok im just putting this here so i have notes for when nicholas gets to this part. It seems like (from jon's conversation with jude perry) that the desolation and the eye are kinda at odds with eachother? like i guess not directly but it seems like they dont really vibe? so how could be with both. Cuz if he has the heat powers and shit then we know he's an avatar of the desolation. but then why does he have so much eye imagery. also he got burned intentionally? like jude did when she went on her monologue about the feeling of burning? but then why did he wear the eye pendant. it stops him from being burned all the way which seems like he's not fully accepting the fire or whatever.

Nooooo I lost like a bunch of my notes rip. I keep forgetting to save.

Ep 104: tim gives a coherent statement without jon even being there. Ugh. Fucking robert smirk. Dont like him. Joey. Dont recognize the name. The show must go on. Clown. The spooky circus?

ep 105: total war... shogun 2? jon is just understanding languages again. "if i understood mandarin or cantonese" are you sure you dont big man?

ep 106: havent we heard this one already? mans in space? oh no this is just another episode in space. fairchild... uuuh. cant remember. oh! this is related to that! this is one of the ppl from the other side. sounds like a Vast thing. oh he's the one that the dude saw? but that guy didnt have a face... she's sorta like jon. wanting to dismiss the statements. lmao i love the workplace gossip. ace jon for the win! oh cmon elias dont be a dick. sunny meadows or whatever. thats the place we heard about.

ep 107: oh great is it jude perry again. Third Degree. bahahsdkfj she was arrested. sorry but imagining this old british lady getting arrested is funny. she was trying to resurrect him. using the skin book. he's not feeling well. jon take a nap. i wonder if this is what happens when he uses his powers too much. He gets into The Zone when he reads statements lol. didn't we have a burning train car in anothre statement? is it julia fairchild? bahahahs "kidnapped. Again." poor jon honestly. julia... about her dad. daughter of the murder shed guy? hunting like your dad liked to hunt or normal people hunting. oh hunting vampires!

ep 108: melanie has been suffering. poor martin peter lukas why do you have to be like this. can he not just use the front door? does he have to bother the ppl doing statements?

ep 109: how come he cut her off? kinda rude tbh. its either jon's influence or there was smth he didnt want her saying. is it gerard on the table? this sounds kinda like smth from one of the university episodes. is it the closed eye on the hand? yup. he's like one of the students! if the thing listening in is elias then... he can do that without the tape recorder yknow. plus who's to say it wont just turn itself on again

110: who wants to bet its a leitner?

111: Lukas related to The Lonely. I used to not like Gerard that much but i like him more now. but i thought there were 15? ohhh thats right isnt flesh newer? gerry for the win honestly. finally telling jon things.

112: lol "again" no one ever tells any of these ppl anything. tim and basira are just out of the loop constantly. music, like the war episodes. The hunt or the slaughter? probably the hunt. so Daisy is related to the hunt right? basira likes the reading, she's doing fine at the institute. daisy's getting worried...

113: it just turned on randomly. what is it lol. explossives! oh boy. why do they always assume he turned it on intentionally. melanie youre not making me like you that much. which entity is this about i cant tell. lol he was disappointed it was just the end. The title Breathing Room made me think it was gonna be about the buried but i guess not. So many of these entities deal with death but the end is one that deals in just death. it has no need for fancy deaths, just death is enough

114: more hilltop road statements? the tree. oh boy. ok the tree has 8 arms obviously theres the spider parallels. was she taken into an alternate universe? oh no. jon tries to phrase things so he's not asking questions. thats honestly good. "sometimes i was kidnapped" oh dear. they got gertrude. daisy ur so odd lmao. who wants to bet they dont know the tape recorder's running?

115: silaca? or whatever? antique man? meat grinder... related to the meat is meat episode? oh wow. they buy antiques from him. maybe dont antagonize this creature which can kill you?

116: lol theyre all just so done with elias. music? is it like the one band that if you hear them you die or wtvr. oh its chess? i am very much confused. mmm stranger go brr. gorilla skin? oh shit the dance. woah. this is so good. this is so gender. the words are wonderful. "you can just say tim" lmao trying to fool elias never feels like a good idea.

117: except elias lmaoo. oh shit. leitner getting some use for once idk. bruuh poor melanie she has been thru so much shit. martin you can just say youre worried about jon. lol he's so accurate in his jon impression. lol who was that. was that daisy? lmaoo. oop hi tim. oh god i hope tim doesnt die. i feel like i wouldve heard about that? but im not sure. destroying the source of knowledge is gonna be hard for jon. yay jon! you did a good thing. let him rest.

118: go off martin lmao. awww poor martin. oh god the tape gets that squealy quality and its awful.

119: woah. lots of things happening. uhh. POP OFF TIM!!

120: lmao elias giving a statement about jon's dreams lol. damn jon doesnt even get his own dreams? has to stay Watching even when he's asleep? f in the chat this man goes thru so much shit. oh boy its peter. lol martin my beloved. idk i dont trust peter.