#IM JUST THINKING ALOUD

[wayradwheelie]

I've completely run out of soup this is horrible news

[non-un-topo]

// health complaints / new years thoughts

GERD has made the holidays very challenging this year. I'm trying to take it seriously now, since I'm tired of being in constant pain and discomfort, and now that I know my enamel and my esophagus have sustained some damage. I'm twenty-fucking-six. Also haven't taken any painkillers (OTC) since I was diagnosed, because those are what caused this. So I'm just always in pain in multiple places in my body. That and the exhaustion and weakness.

We're having meatballs with rigatoni tonight, and I am so psyched about it but I can't touch them unless I want my insides to burn all night. I'm already really pushing it by planning to drink tonight.

I'm just excited to graduate so I can finally, finally prioritize my health and start getting strong. Can't do university and health at the same time. Can't do university and anything at the same time, really.

I've been stewing in a deep depression that's bouncing between anger and apathy for a while... I don't know how long. Can't remember. A day of feeling depressed feels like six months. Dysphoria is my prime suspect, since it's decided to become much worse than I ever imagined for myself. I'm just tired and my brain is empty and I feel like I don't care about anything. Wish I could turn these feelings into another stupidly long fic, but I hate everything I create lately.

Wish I had something optimistic to say, but I'm hoping the new year will run its course calmly, and that each of us will stick around on this rock. I'll either be on T by this time next year, or I'll have chickened out again.

Better news? I'm going to a disco tonight.

[elegyofthemoon]

i wonder if anyone's discussed the buddha statues and their representations of the days of the week and their general meaning yet or am i going to have to do that

[bethiewhimsy]

i think the saddest part about the husk shaking from fear because of alastor scene is that he never seemed afraid of him until now. he felt comfortable enough to talk to him, to offer advice and even to bite back when alastor started picking on him. there’s scenes in which they tease each other. husk knows a lot about alastor that nobody else (not even the audience) knows, whether he was purposefully trusted with this information or not, neither seem threatened by it. before that, husk simply seemed regretful to be indebted to him, like alastor was just a burden to bear. i think that’s why his reaction to alastor in that scene was so intense. alastor had perhaps never treated him so harshly before. and that scared the shit out of him. and probably felt akin to some sort of betrayal or something. like being reminded of the awful truth (that alastor OWNS him, that he COULD kill him, that he’d be happy to)

[chemblrish]

11 March 2024

I was surprised that my solutions didn't crystallize over the past week to which my thesis supervisor said lightheartedly that it's normal and that he once waited for something to crystallize for THREE YEARS. I hope my solutions know I need to graduate some day.

[streetcorner-2inthemorning]

Thinking about how in season 2, the Doctor asked Rose "How long are you going to stay with me?" He could have asked her that in so many ways. "How long do you want to travel with me?" "When do you want to go home?" But he chose those words specifically. And Rose could have answered in just as many ways. "As long as I live." "As long as you'll have me." But instead she said one word. "Forever."

And the sad thing is that her answer was truer than any other answer she could have given. Because whether she realized it or not she wasn't saying how long they would be together. She was telling him how long she would be with him. As a memory, as a ghost, in his hearts. No matter who the Doctor is or how old they get, somewhere deep inside their soul, Rose will remain. Forever.

[itsoverfeeling]

okay I had a much larger post I started on this, but can I just say how fascinating it is to make fowler, our villainous white man, irish?

an irish man who experienced the violence of colonization as a child. who decides to oppose that experience of victimization and become the victimizer. with a sick sense of pride, he refers to himself as a white devil, attempting to take power in Japan and colonize it in his image.

he and mizu are different of course, but it strikes me that they are both characters whose identities are complex parts of who they are. mizu is someone who has been treated horribly by world and wants to enact her own revenge because of it. she's called a demon and she both hates it and emulates it. she is japanese and white, she is woman and man, and she is the bride and the ronin.

and now here she is on a ship with a man who is both white colonizer and irish orphan. he takes pride in being seen violent because to him, that is what obscene power and control looks like. he'll reference the English when discussing warfare. he'll mention that his violence is so efficient that they don't even have to bother with starving children. he's an awful horrible person who holds onto his trauma because it's both his excuse and his explanation.

there's something about that that could be interesting to explore. especially in london of all places. an irish man and a mixed race japanese person... I hope the writers know how to hit us where it hurts.

[bmpmp3]

sorry to be a bit of a hater but i do wish youtubers weren't so scared of making their videos just like, "reviews", whys everything gotta be a "video essay" all the time. every day my recommendations are filled with 40 minute videos titled "_____: An Underrated Masterpiece" where the first like five minutes are reading the wikipedia definition of "masterpiece" in a somber voice with dramatic themed text on screen. please just tell me how good or bad you think something is and use the rest of the runtime to explain why. you dont need to put on all these airs

[kawaiijohn]

this twitter shit is going to be a huge blow to the NWS alert system, especially for people without weather radios/cable.

like. tons of people use twitter to stay aware of warnings in their area, and the NWS uses twitter to see where they may need to survey for storm damage.

on top of this major news accounts watch the timelines intensely during breaking news issues and will retweet things that are currently happening, such as tornadoes, floods, and fires to keep their followers aware

in the case of tornadoes, a lot of people won't shelter without enough stimulus, and a lot of the stimulus people need is visual confirmation of a dangerous tornado in the area.

twitter was /excellent/ for seeing proof of big scary storm in your area.

i just

dont like how we might lose this, especially since a lot of older people relying on twitter aren't the most tech savvy otherwise.

[thegreatyin]

as a mr cards player i agree with people saying it should lock me out of things. if we ever have a major storyline directly dealing with revolutionaries or a similar anti-bazaar faction the devs should make my job specifically harder because im a master of the bazaar while meanwhile the guys who actively went against and/or murdered one of them get bonuses in my place. it would be just as much enrichment to me as it would other people who did other ambitions i prommy

[medi-melancholy]

i could write a whole retrospective on the original drawn to life duology, and especially how it personally impacted me a young artist and gamer, but mostly rn at 5am i'm just reminiscing on how it is one of very very very very few media i've seen successfully pull off the specific type of ending that it did, and also that, like thousands of people have also said before me, how in the fuck did they get away with the emotional gutpunch shit that they did with an E rating

i was 9 when next chapter came out + when i first played it and i was dealing with the crisis that is "death of a close family member for the first time, ever, as a child" at the time, and this lil game somehow helped me process everything and reach catharsis in ways i would Not have been able to otherwise. like. goddamn

it was like, such unexpected levels of fucks-you-up-emotionally in a kids game of all places that it wrapped all the way around from 'mentally scarring' to 'mentally healing'. like it hit one extreme and then broke its way back to the opposite end. idk how else to describe it, it like, left a permanent mark from a negative emotional place, but the resulting mark itself is a positive, if weary and numb-feeling sort of one

as i get older i'm still processing that this game delivered a pile of existential (and religious!) quandaries to elementary schoolers all over the world, in such an unsuspecting and engaging package--but at the time, as a kid, all i knew was that seeing this one painted cg with agonizing, beautiful music playing over it would be something that'd be etched into my mind forever afterwords

sure enough, seeing it 15 years later still makes my breath hitch and my chest heavy, and my head crammed full of thoughts. how the fuck did they pull this off. how did they make a game so real and matter-of-fact yet oddly warm and comforting in its display of the cruelties of life that the final punch had to even be censored out eventually

this is a series where you can ms paint bucket tool your way to victory and it does All This. what the fuck man

[nyctoheart]

The other day I was feeling so lost in my gender and overall self perception, feeling like I don’t even know myself anymore, I don’t know what I like or want, and the harder I try to grasp onto any visual for me to assign as a “goal” (gender/taste/style wise) the more it slips through my fingers and I just feel more lost and unsure

but then I started thinking “I wonder if I spend more time with friends, if I’ll start regaining myself again. Maybe bouncing against other people will make me see similarities and differences between me and others, and I’ll slowly start realizing who I am as a person again.”

and THEN I thought about Joshua’s speech in DDD, where he says “By ourselves, we're no one. It's when other people look at us and see someone--that's the moment we each start to exist.” LIKE… SO TRUE BESTIE!!!!

[ourflagmeansgayrights]

i'm not usually in fandoms for things that have like, live-action actors playing the characters (idk why i just tend to get into books, cartoons, webcomics, podcasts, etc). but the few times i've been somewhat invested in a live-action media for fandom reasons (mcu, teen wolf, pacific rim, star wars) i've seen fans waxing poetic about a character's/actor's eyes. and i've literally never understood the hype, i've just been like "yeah idk theyre eyes? i dont get what's so special about them tho"

what im saying is that not only are Taika Watiti's eyes the first time i've understood the hype but ofmd is also the first time i've actually noticed an actor's eyes before seeing fandom being obsessed with them. that's the power of taika's Massive Fucking Peepers i guess

[connecting-the-stars]

I’M EXCITED!

I’m gonna jump into the boat of choosing to believe in the writer’s vision. I do want these characters to get out alive and well and have this family be restored, but a story without struggle isn’t nearly as fulfilling. I want to believe that this squad of soldiers, constantly pulled together and apart, will end up where they always should have been - at their family’s side.

I feel a lot of us are under this storm cloud thats about to release all hell, and I cannot blame anyone. This is dark season, I thought season 2 with Crosshair’s torture was terrible but s3 has put on the pressure.

But I have prediction :D

I’m on the team that Emerie will make the leap: hand over a giant red button and thundering music behind her. There’s something different about her, that unquestionable obedience and restraint gone. Her red lenses at her feet. The looming vat of blue in front of her, a monstrous shadow stretching over her. The button beeps, an alarm booming to life as the liquid in the tank lowers, a long arm twitching to life. Cuts to a poisonous green eye snapping open.

The scene cut to black as glass cracks, a monumental growl echoing into the dark.

That’s how episode 14 will leave and where the final will leave off.

[jils-things]

more of a reminder to myself but i think it works for others too

its okay to have a crush on characters and create content for the selfship once and not do it again. sometimes its just that little burst of motivation of "if i cant immortalize an imagery of me kissing them then whats the point" they don't have to be your fo immediately its okay to just. create something out of it to let out that lil excitement and they're just a crush

others might expect that you'll be creating more content with them since you might've made a really well thought out concept for your insert/oc but its not the case and thats okay

[sammygender]

being a child is fucking crazy like the first 13ish years of your life are just spent entirely controlled by some random person and it has no bearing on how smart you are or the people around you actually are but you cant like. move 10 meters without someone elses permission.