#IM EXCITED Ill finish working on it when i officially finish finals !!
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plzzz talk more abt if you shave i’ll die if it’s what i think it is 👀
ohhh yes yes yes!! It’s gonna be a mini series of text messages and little written scenarios of...you guessed it, telling the jjk men not to shave their pubes + what happens when they shaved it + when they grow it back :33
itll be silly but kinda sexy u know?? for example, the nanamin piece, reader is gonna be silly and dramatic and make nanami roll his eyes playfully a bit, then when it grows back...ehehe there's gonna be some overstimulated nanamin and deepthroating with a lil special picture taking :>>
#IM HAVIN FUN WITH IT CUS I WANTED TO DO THE SMAUS#but also the shaving thing#i swear i read something that inspired this but its been sooo long#aughh i need to find the post so i can put it in the ib portion#IM EXCITED Ill finish working on it when i officially finish finals !!#˗ˏˋ ★ ring ring .ᐟ
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checking in on friends, mutuals and following list, How are you? feel free to use this ask to talk about recent life happenings, something you're passionate about, or anything <33 remember I and I'm sure others care about you and your posts <33
I'll start with the good bits.
The semester is officially over for me and once i finish up work and once I go on break next week, ill have 3 weeks for break. I get to meet up with a online friend irl and spend time with my family and friends during that time so im actually very excited to go back home for so long! Also, I just gained 2 boyfriends and am in a wonderful throuple now :3. Next semester I'm taking classes that are easy but also fun and are less focus on my degree and more focused on my interest, so I'm hoping that will help with my burnout. Over the course of the semester I also got involved with a progress group up here and have been assigned to be their mutual aid coordinator!
I started writing more (nothing that will be posted to this blog) both with music and fanfic. It's nice that I'm at a place where i can (mostly) freely write my ideas.
There's a lot of bad bits, though.
So I've come to the very difficult decision of cutting off my mom. After break i'm going to get a bank account separate from hers and cut contact. There was a bit where we were both communicating well, but I got into a fight with her after she tried to guilt trip me into calling her on thanksgiving (I wasn't talking to her outside of documented forms of communication since she is a habitual gaslighter and likes to say she didn't say things when she very obviously did, and I like to have my receipts when I call her out). After idk maybe like 10 years or something she finally admitted I'm on the spectrum but only because it was convenient to aid in her argument of 'you never understand me and thats clearly because you're autistic and not because im in the middle of a manic episode and i'm not being rational'. So that will be fun to deal with, especially since I'm worried for her safety if I do cut contact, being her only child and her telling me pretty consistantly throughout my life that im her only reason to live. Scary stuff, but necessary for me to stop holding on to that guilt and working through a lot of trauma.
I finished my semester withdrawing from 3 classes and likely failing another, and feeling burnt out to keep going. I need to go to college for a lot of reasons (degree required for the job I want, first gen student/family pressure), but im considering taking it at a considerably slower pace.
I just got on testosterone but thanks to an insurance complication I might have to go without it for a bit. I was previously getting it through my school, but I just got on state insurance and that fucked with my access to it. The good news is that i will likely have a lower co-pay, the bad is that I'll probably have to wait another month to get back on it. One step forward one step back.
The person I thought to be my best friend dropped me out of the blue, which sucks on its own, but the fact that it's been a consistent pattern of people in my life ghosting/dropping me with very little reasoning or with one's ive not found to be true just sucks. I think I'm a loving person in my own way, and the fact that I was called selfish when I A) show a lot of affection towards my friends and B) know my own boundaries when it comes to my relationships with them, it makes me upset. The other person wasn't entirely at fault, I did handle the situation kind of poorly, but I also contributed more to that friendship then that person ever did. I bought food. I made the plans. I hosted. And I thought when the argument that broke us up happened, we just needed space from each other. I guess that wasn't the case and it's sad that the person couldn't communicate their needs earlier so we could have resolved the situation. That being said, on a less neutral perspective. Fuck him. He claimed to be loving and whimsical and had no patience for anyone. Everything pissed him off and he didn't cope in healthy ways and when I tried to help him he didn't take it. He was uncommunicative and disrespectful of other people's boundaries and expectations for friendship. I wish him the best with the realizations he's going to have later in life.
Even though I'm excited for family during the holidays, my dad is coming to town and I'll have to navigate them with him. I stay with my grandmother during breaks, so I'll have to look for another place to stay while he's in town and crashing with her. I feel a little ostracized knowing that they'll accept a bigoted abuser into their homes and make me wait upstairs until he's gone.
Then there's everything else. I live in a country that refuses to care about it's people. I'm one person dealing with a world full of struggles. Those previous things are nothing compared to what's to come, and I'm shocked that I'm rethinking my morals to live and feel safe. I'm a trans guy fresh on T, who, for years thought guns needed to be restricted, and i plan on strapping up over the break. Everything feels broken and I've been dealing with a lot of suicidality since probably late september or october. The horrors are persisting and I don't have much silly in response. I can't even scrape by with my job. And my physical health is catching up making things worse. I don't think I've thrown up this much since I was getting bullied in elementary school. So, uh, yeah.
Not to e-beg, but if you've read this and wanna help me out my venmo is in my bio. I don't have the energy to link anything rn but there's that.
Thanks for letting me rant o7
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ok ok ! lots to talk about !
i finally read all of dolcezza and HABDJSAHGAGS oh my goodness. even after reading all your works for well over a year now, i don’t think ill even get used to how amazing of a writer you are. i truly FELT everything in that story, from her pain of asking for help (she’s soooo real omfg she’s just like me) to the anxiety and terror in the last chapter ???? HELLO I WAS SO SCARED SHDBJSJAHS IT WAS SOOOO GOOD I CANT WAIT TO SEE WHAT YOU HAVE PLANNED FOR THE BLURBS they were truly soulmates since the first part when they ran into eachother🥹🥹🥹 i LOVED how he was so mushy and soft and just completely head over heels for her it gave me ALL the feels😭😭💞💞✨✨
next: I JUST FINISHED MY FRIEND’S TOYOTA AND OMGGGGG AHHHHH !!!!! it’s soooooo cute and soft and the way they’re both just hopeless romantics looking for the love of their life i cantttt😭 AND IT WAS SO CUTE HOW YOU ADDED THE WHOLE “should i bring a coat” SCENE LIKE IN THE SONG AHHHH I WAS SMILING SO HARD I CANT WAIT TO SEE WHATS GONNA HAPPEN WITH THEM (and when they finally get close enough to share that they both had the same fantasies for their college years ????🥹🥹🥹🥹 im gonna sob)
i just ughhhh i love your writing and your characters soooooo much you never fail to make me fall COMPLETELY in love with your stories
ALSOOOO I LISTENED TO THE SONG AND OMGGGG IT FEELS LIKE LAYING IN A MEADOW AT THE START OF SPRING WHEN ALL THE FLOWERS AND TREES ARE JUST STARTING TO BLOOM AND JUST LAYING IN THE GRASS AND STARING AT THE SKY AND FEELING THE WIND UGHHH ITS SOOO GOOD THANK YOU FOR THE REC I ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYSSS APPRECIATE THE MUSIC (along with everything else!)
love you and hope you’re doing reallyyyy well <333
~🎶🎀
AHHHH Yay yay yay yay!
I'm so flattered you think I'm such a good writer 😭 it's so so nice of you!
I love making Harry a mushy mess of a man. I assume he is and i will not be told differently 💕 I have gotten the feeling that we could start a club here on 1d1195.tumblr.com about being too hard on ourselves and not being able to ask for help 😭💕 I'm glad you related to her! I always find it's easier to read when the character is relatable in someway. I'm sorry you have a hard time asking for help. I truly know how difficult and lonely that can be! I'm sorry for making you so scared but hopefully it was quite the relief by the end! I'm glad you're excited for future blurbs! I am too! 🤭 I should probs come up with some ideas besides an alternate stalker-scene hehehehe
I LOVE writing about songs. It's the easiest way for me to write, honestly. I guess that speaks more to the song-artist than about me hehehe. The second I hear a song I like, I envision a whole story about the lyrics. Noah Kahan has been KILLING me for months. His new song Forever just officially dropped today and I can't with "we can't make rent, so we window shop." I have lots of ideas based on songs rolling around in my head and you can see how quick I write when I have a song that makes the story easier based on some of my older work (not that I'd recommend reading anything older it's trashy af).
YOU ARE THE SWEETEST 😭💕
I have yet to fully dive into the lyrics of Paint, but glossing over them, they seem a bit sad. So idk if I'd be able to write one of my cute-gross stories, but I might spin it another direction. I'm so glad you liked it and love your description of it! I agree completely (also if I were to write about this song, I'd probs include a meadow scene).
Thanks so much for reading my stuff! I appreciate you greatly!!!
xoxo
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big long diary esque ramble about jewish conversion below the cut bc mmmm the paragraphs
its sinking in that now that im finally settling into a synagogue i feel comfortable in, im gonna have a community i can celebrate the holidays with, and i can actually learn firsthand how to celebrate them... really fucking exciting
i dont know when ill be able to actually officially start the conversion process, both because im flat broke and idk how much everything would cost AND bc this synagogue is still looking for an official rabbi rather than guest speakers (transitional period since the last rabbi moved away), but in the meantime i feel like im very quickly being taken under the congregations collective wing yknow? so im excited to start celebrating jewish holidays with other people who know what theyre doing rather than having to cobble together what i can while i sit in my apartment lmao
overall im really really happy to finally be attending. its been way too long since ive been able to regularly attend a congregation. and this one is a conservative synagogue, and ive only ever attended reform synagogues before. the one i went to back in my old town was great, i adored the people there and the way we worshipped and everything was so comfortable, it was absolutely where i needed to be during that time. but based on my research and my experiences so far, im fairly confident conservative is the movement for me. this synagogue is definitely where im meant to be now, and my thoughts are basically... while my partner and i do have a plan on where we want to live someday, thats still years down the line most likely, bc im poor and hes in college, so im HOPING that this synagogue will be the one i attend throughout my conversion. i mean id be fine with starting here and having to transfer rabbis later but im mostly hoping ill be finished up before that time comes
theres something very familiar about this congregation. something in the grain of the wood, and in the worn out books of the library. its comfortable and welcoming and it tells me this is where im supposed to be, at least right now.
also - i keep thinking back to when i attended the reform synagogue in this city. the service itself was great, but i didnt really feel like i fit in with the others, especially the people my age. one of the other 20-somethings said that the people at the conservative synagogue were all "boomers" or smth who were unaccepting in some way or another, and idk if she had her own bad experience here which i really wouldnt want to brush off, but so far everyone has been very kind. i was immediately welcomed once i explained that im wanting to convert, multiple people went out of their way to help me and invite me to stay longer and attend more events. i was immediately regarded as a man, and maybe that was because i was wearing a suit and my voice is deep from hrt but it was still very reassuring either way - an older man told me very firmly to put on a kippah and while i joked with my friends that i felt like a kid being lightly chastised, it was still a really nice feeling to not only be seen as a man but to have someone insist on me following that custom.
and then afterward, over lunch, i was chatting with the other congregants and ended up talking about my partner, and referred to it with multiple pronoun sets and explained that it uses any pronouns. nobody was rude at all about that fact, and one man was clearly a little confused by me switching around words and pronouns but was very very obviously doing his best to be respectful and understand as best as he could. he said he was working on understanding these things better for his kids iirc.
overall i feel like this synagogue is a safe place for both myself AND my partner, should it ever visit and want to attend with me. yes, most of the people here are elderly, but everyone was friendly and so far people have been respectful when it comes to queerness and conversion. id say the worst thing i heard someone say was a small dig at reform judaism, but even then, another member was quick to shut him down.
it frustrates me a little to think that the people here might be getting labeled as intolerant in one way or another if thats not really the case, if its just because theyre older. again, i dont want to brush off any bad experiences someone else mightve had, but i also worry that there might be some preconceived notions at play here, yknow? but i guess in the end theres not much use dwelling on it. im just happy to feel at home in a congregation again, and to feel like im back on track making more progress toward my conversion. im glad to be meeting all these people and finding my place in a community instead of feeling so isolated so much of the time.
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Arvin Russell - The preacher’s sins (1/2)
Requested by an anon, please enjoy it! It was too long, so I divided it in two parts. I’ll post the next one tomorrow!
Plot: there is nothing bigger for you than the love you feel for Arvin Russell. Not a lot of people can awaken what he does in you, with his cheeky smile and chocolate eyes. Now, a stranger threatens to break that bond, manipulating where it hurts the most.
Warnings: It’s the devil all the time, and you know the preacher. So if you’re reading this, it’s because you’re alright with what’s about to happen. Anyway, violence and manipulation.
Arvin’s car was waiting for you when your shift at the café ended. You couldn’t keep the smile off your face when you thought about the upcoming events; a whole weekend just for the two of you, in your house since your parents were away in a business travel. That meant you could sleep in the same bed, have your own space and dream about finally moving in together. As you crossed the street jogging, your bag hanging from your left shoulder, you thought you could get used to it.
He was smoking, looking ahead and lost in his thoughts. Some wild strands of hair had fallen on his face, making him look a bit more childish that usually. Arvin Russell looked as handsome as ever, and for two whole days, would be handsome only for you.
“Arv” you announced your presence when you climbed in the seat beside him, rubbing your arms in an attempt to get ride of the rain’s coldness.
“Hey, pretty girl”
Arvin dropped his denim jacket over you, and while you put it on, he threw his cigarrete through the window’s car, moving his hand around to get ride of the smoke. Once he made sure you wouldn’t choke with it, he closed the car’s windows and looked at you with a half-smile.
“I can’t believe it’s finally happening” you giggled softly, enjoying that moment of excitement and peace.
“Hope ya haven’ changed your mind” Arvin quickly pressed his lips against your cheek, before starting the car. “How was work?”
As you started talking about a cute dog which owner had let you pet, Arvin drove you to your house. He managed to listen to the story, drive safely and sneak a hand so that he could hold yours.
During most of the weeks, it was hard to see him. He was busy with his family and his part times job, taking what he could to earn a little money. Lenora took a lot of his time too, because she often got picked up by the bullies at highschool and Arvin insisted in picking her up every day. Then, he went with her to the grave yard to visit his mother, and he stayed with her until she finished. Sometimes, he would sneak for a few minutes and come visit you in the café, ordering the cheapest thing in the menu and watching you for afar.
Neither of you had a lot of free time. Your family, humble and hard-working, was also very conservative, so even if they accepted your relationship with Arvin, they didn’t like when he stayed at night. His family didn’t have a lot of free space neither, and if they had they didn’t see with good eyes sleeping together before marriage.
That week hadn’t been different. You had been working every afternoon until the sun came down, and then drove back home. The only difference was that you had been stopping briefly at the church, to talk with the new preacher. You knew Arvin didn’t like him – which was why the mood darkened on the way to your house.
“He ain’t good, Y/N” he grumbled, briefly looking at you.
“You don’t know him, it’s just – he’s new here, he needs a chance to prove himself” you defended. “I know what he did to your grandma was wrong, but we can’t judge him by one mistake!”
“It wasn’ just one mistake. He talks and talks ‘bout how everyone is a sinner but ‘im” Arvin protested.
“Arvin, please” you shifted closer to him and placed a hand on his arm. “It’ll be just a few minutes. He told me he needed my help with something, you don’t even have to see him.”
The preacher, indeed, had told you the previous day that he wanted to meet you in the church on Friday. You hadn’t told him your plans with Arvin, even if he was kind of interrupting your peaceful weekend with your boyfriend; probably, because you knew he wouldn’t approve you spending the night with him.
Deep inside, you knew that Arvin was probably right; he always was at the end, no matter what he was talking about. He was the one who said that the boy who Lenora’s was after wasn’t a good man, and now he had fun chasing her with a bag and awful words. There was something about the preacher that you didn’t like either, but you still didn’t know what. For now, you wanted to be on his good side.
“So? Can we stop?”
“I’d feel better if not” Arvin scoffed. “But I guess that’s a yes”
Arvin stopped on the graveyard, an empty place where the sun was setting already. It was dark and silent, and even you, who wanted to stop, were starting to reconsider the decision. You looked out the window, seeing that the church’s door was open and a dim light could be seen from the inside. Arvin exited the car without another word, and you knew he was pissed. He wasn’t too keen on sharing his feelings, even more when they weren’t of love or happiness.
You had been dating for seven months officially, and it had been ten since he asked you for a date after your shift at the café. There was no way you could make him talk about it and comfort him before the sun disappeared completely, so you decided to ignore him and walk towards the church. Still, before entering you looked back, half expecting him to be ready to leave and pick you later. But he had lighted up another smoke and was leaning against the car, looking to his feet.
Much less happier than before, you entered the church. You wanted nothing more than Arvin to be happy, and if you were up to wish anything, for him to have a better relationship with the rest of Knockemstiff; starting with the preacher.
He was sitting in the first row, reading from a small book. The faint lights you had seen came from the candles, which made the place much more scarier than usually. You didn’t think anything about it, not even when you made yourself heard by calling him and he told you to close the door. It was a cold, October day, so you guessed there was nothing wrong with it. After looking at Arvin once more, and receiving no smiles, you closed the door behind you.
“What did you want me for, preacher?”
“Come sit with me, Y/N” he patted the bench beside him, and you approached him. “You ever read the bible?”
“Um, a little. Lenora reads to me sometimes, a-and from what I hear on Sundays” you explained, not really wanting to say it out loud.
The truth was that you had never learned how to read. You had had to drop out of highschool at a young age because your mother had fallen ill, and your father couldn’t manage the family business on his own. With no money to buy books or material, your father had you help in on the shop. You were good with numbers, from years of experience, and you were starting to know what some words were written like thanks to Lenora and Arvin. But not a lot of people in Knockemstiff knew that you didn’t write the orders down in the café because you didn’t know how.
The preacher hummed, finally raising his eyes from the small book on his lap. He shifted closer to you, until you were sure you could hear his heartbeat. He showed you what he had been so focused on, and while you knew some of the letters, it all looked like garbage.
“This is my favourite part” he said, his voice soft but with a sharp edge. “Mom used to read it to me every night, too. You know it?”
“U-um, yeah” you said. Quickly, you tried to search for a word that you could understand. Lenora always read to you a passage of the bible when you went to their house, and maybe you could know what was it about. However, the preacher closed the bible before you had time to find it.
“God is merciful and benevolent, Y/N” he stretched one arm behind your shoulders, and you felt tears run to your eyes when you understood he knew it. It wasn’t something to be ashamed of – Arvin had managed to convince you it wasn’t, but you felt embarrassment crawl through your spine. “He forgives us all, all of our sins. But you know what is what he doesn’t forgive? Lies”
The back of your hair was grabbed with so much force that you emitted a low cry. If the door had been open, maybe Arvin would have heard you. But he angrily pacing around the graveyard, thinking about how he shouldn’t be so hard with you, and you were too afraid and embarrassed to scream any louder.
You were met with the preacher’s hard eyes, hateful and unforgivable. The back of your head throbbed from how hard he was gripping it, and finally a lonely tear made its way down your cheek. It seemed to offend him more, because he squeezed harder.
“You think you’re worthy of stepping into this temple?” he hissed, his hot breath making you shudder. “You think I wouldn’t find out that you can’t read? Or that you spend the nights with that boyfriend of yours?”
“Preacher –“
“Shut the fuck up!”
The nice man who you had been talking to the rest of the week disappeared in thin air, and you were thrown to the ground with a force you didn’t know the kind preacher had. A small cry of pain left your lips as your right wrist bent awkwardly against the edge of the bench, and you tried to move away. But the preacher had other ideas, because he hoisted you up until his face was inches away from you again.
You were sure he would just bash your head against the bench and Arvin would only have your cold body for the weekend when his face morphed, and that calm that always surrounded him was back. He sat on the bench again, and put his head against his hands, as if he was in deep thinking. Before you could think about running out of there screaming Arvin’s name, the preacher talked.
“Get naked”
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#arvin russell#arvin russell imagine#arvin russell one shot#arvin russel x reader#arvin russell x reader#arvin russell fic#tom holland#tom holland one shot#tom holland x reader#tom holland imagine#tom holland fic#tdatt#tdatt imagine#tdatt one shot#tdatt x reader#tdatt fic#the devil all the time imagine#the devil all the time one shot#the devil all the time x reader#the devil all the time fic#imaginesmai#imaginemai#request#the preacher's sins
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Out of Context
Request: First of all, congratulations on 1,000!!!! Could you do a a sequel to Interloper where maybe an interviewer is giving her shit for having once been a groupie and Bri Rog and Deaky defend her and have amazing sex after at like their hotel 😂-foursome anon (I’m back)
Interloper / Snapshots From Before (Prequel)
Pairing: Roger Taylor x Brian May x John Deacon x Fem!Reader
Warnings: SMUT (18+), gangbang/foursome, oral sex (m and f receiving), anal sex, tit fucking, light choking, slightly dom reader, cheer up sex, some spanking, double and triple penetration
Words: 6,145
A/N: This was another request from back at my 1000 follower celebration last year. It’s been sitting half written in my drafts since then and I finally felt inspired to finish it lmao. Foursome anon I hope you’re still around and you see this!!
Blurb Advent: Day 10
Taglist: @vee-ndetta @atomic-watermelon @kellypenac @labessieisallama @deakyclicks @jennyggggrrr @drowseoftaylor @hannafuckingsucks @i-cant-hangout-im-drumming @queenmylovely @ilovequeenmorethanyou @johndeaconshands @borhapbois @stardust-galaxies
Doing press wasn’t easy, especially when interviewers insisted on questioning you all separately. You preferred having at least one of the boys to back you up. They’d been dealing with the whole interview process for so long now they knew how to avoid answering things they didn’t want to, knew how to deal with rude reporters. But it was all new to you. Perhaps that was why this particular interview had gone so badly. There was no Freddie to make the right snide comment, no Roger to get pissed off on your behalf, no Brian or John to squeeze your knee comfortingly or take over when you go tongue tied.
Things between you and the rest of the band had been going much better since Freddie had locked you in that room together. It didn’t happen overnight, there were still lingering tensions. But any badmouthing they did of you was out of your hearing which you much preferred. Gradually, as the tour wore on, there were less tensions. They got used to having you around, began including you in their games of scrabble and their not-quite-awake conversations over hotel breakfasts. Until one day, in the final leg of the tour, when Freddie admitted to you quietly that he hadn’t overheard any whispered comments for nearly a week. “And here I was thinking we’d never get there.” “Oh hush, darling, I told you from the beginning they wouldn’t hate you forever. Sure they took a little longer to come around than I had anticipated but it all worked out in the end. And now when you tell them the execs have asked for another full album featuring you, they probably won’t kill you.” They hadn’t, of course, though you’d worried for the safety of everyone involved in making the decision. Roger looked as if he were a second away from punching the first person to talk to him.
They took less time to calm down though, especially after they saw how nervous you got before the first interview. Your agent had decided some preliminary press would help build excitement for the album before the songs were even written. Calls were made, journalists were found, and before you knew it you were facing a crowd of people vying to ask you their questions, cameras flashing the whole time. It was a lot. More than pushing you into the deep end, you’d be thrown to the bloody sharks. Any lingering ill will the boys had for you vanished after that. They’d all thankfully been there too, had drawn the attention to themselves rather than let you struggle to answer everything on your own. After that they’d kept an eye on you during the smaller interviews. Mostly the reporters were happy to talk to you all together and, as long as you said one or two things about how excited you were to be working with Queen again, and how much fun touring with them was, you could get away with letting them take lead. But every now and then you got stuck with some jackass who wanted to quiz you solo. And this interview, this horrid interview, had been one of them.
Roger pushed the magazine away from himself, letting it slide as far down your kitchen table as it would go. “She’s a fucking bitch that reporter.” You looked down at the magazine, still open to your interview, the headline alone making your stomach turn. “No, sorry, that’s an insult to dogs. She’s a fucking cunt.” “Rog,” “No, that’s an insult to vaginas. There is no word strong enough for that poor excuse for a journalist.” “Roger, sit down.” Roger shot Freddie a dirty look but sat down anyway, his knee bouncing with restless energy, “Sorry. I’m just pissed off.” “Yes, we gathered that, thanks Rog,” “She took everything I said out of context, you have to believe me.” “We do, Y/N, we do,” John said softly from beside you, rubbing circles on your back. “It started well, I swear. Just the usual questions y’know, what’s it like working with Queen? How does it feel to be singing next to Freddie Mercury? Were you nervous about touring with them? Can you give us any hints about the new album? All the things that usually come up that Freddie coached me on how to answer, and I was doing fine. I had my prepared answers and there was no stumbling over words or anything like that. I thought I’d finally got the hang of it all and then she asked me to elaborate on what it was like working with you. I’d already told her the usual thing – it was fun and y’know blew my mind and all that. But then she asked how it compare to being your groupie.” “You didn’t answer her did you?” “Christ no, Brian! Jesus what do you take me for?” Brian held his hands up in apology. “I told her that it wasn’t relevant, but she kept asking, one question after another thrown at me and no matter what I said she didn’t stop. All sorts of stuff, like which of you was the best shag, and if I’d only wanted to be your groupie because I hoped it would lead to my own album, and if I was still offering my services,” you made air quotes around the words, “accused me of using you for my own gain and asked if you were the first band I’d tried it with or if you were just the only ones gullible enough to let me. I tried to tell her no and that I wasn’t going to answer those questions but she just kept going and then she told me to get used to the attention and left. I guess she didn’t need my answers to write a whole article about it.” “Which of us is the best shag?” Brian repeated the question though you suspected he wasn’t just checking he’d heard you correctly. The others all fell quiet, waiting to see if you’d answer. “Really Bri? That’s what you got from that?” “Right, right, sorry, not the important part. Look, it’s not as bad as you think it is.” “Bri’s right, love,” Roger said, much calmer than he had been before, “there’s nothing of substance in here. Like this quote, as for the fun Ms Y/L/N mentioned was had on tour, one can’t help but wonder just what she meant. Could the stories about nights spent playing boardgames be covers for debauched, drug-fuelled, orgies the likes of which would make a pornstar blush, I mean, there’s nothing there. It’s all conjecture and anyone worth a damn will see right through it.” “But some people will believe it,” “Maybe, yes,” Freddie said, “but it’ll blow over. We’ve all been in the same place you are at one time or another. If anything this officially makes you one of the band.” “Yeah, Y/N, it’s all just spiteful rubbish.” “Thanks guys, but I think I might just call it a day, go back to bed. Stay if you want, I don’t mind. But if you leave lock the door behind you.” You stood and headed to your bedroom.
The four boys stayed quiet until you were out of your room but you heard their hushed voices and hissed comments through your bedroom door as you pulled off your jeans and unclasped your bra from under the baggy jumper you wore. It took about five minutes before there was a soft knock on your bedroom door. “Y/N, can I come in?” You contemplated feigning sleep. “I know you’re not asleep.” You sighed and sat up, hugging your knees to your chest, “Fine, Roger, come in.” “Freddie’s gone to make some calls,” he said, standing just inside your doorway, hands in his pockets. “Calls about what? It’s out there now, there’s no getting it back.” “No but we need to make it clear to other journalists that those kinds of questions won’t be answered in any future interviews, and hopefully we can make sure that parasite never gets to come anywhere near us again.” “Isn’t that mean to parasites?” Roger chuckled, “getting over it already, see,” he sat on the edge of the bed and placed his hand on your covered knee, “I know this sucks, and I get that you’re ashamed, but I promise it’s not as bad as it feels right now.” “I’m not ashamed.” “What?” “You said I’m ashamed of it but I’m not.” “Oh. I thought-” “I’m a bit embarrassed because obviously I’ve never told my family what it is I got up to when I went to all those concerts and now they’re all going to know, lord knows some of them will believe the worst of it. And I’m pissed off that I didn’t stand up for myself more. I just let her keep cutting me off and talking over me when I should have told her to fuck off or at least called her out for being a prudish arsehole who probably only attacked me because she’s jealous I’ve fucked three quarters of Queen. And I’m annoyed that you’ve all been brought up in the article, and she’s questioning whether your good people just because you sept with me. I mean does she expect you all to be virginal saints or something? It’s just frustrating and yes, upsetting. But I’m definitely not ashamed.” “Huh, okay then.” “What?” “Nothing, just, we assumed you regretted sleeping with us.” “Lord no. It wasn’t planned, like she was insinuating, but seeping with you definitely helped me get my foot in the door with this whole music thing. And even if it hadn’t done that, it was still fun as hell and made me feel good. If I wasn’t fucking you I would have been out having mediocre sex with guys I met in pubs and I don’t care how much of a slut it makes me seem, but I’d rather fuck a whole band every single night and actually get off than have a disappointing drunk lay with a guy who’s never heard of the clitoris. Fuck, I’d still be doing the whole groupie thing now, and be perfectly happy with it, if Freddie hadn’t heard me singing that day. That night at the after party, that was heaps of fun.” “Give me a second would you,” Roger stood and walked to the door, giving you another glance before he turned the corner. You watched the doorway, not quite sure what to make of his behaviour but your questions were answered soon enough when he reappeared with Brian and John following. “So apparently we misread the situation,” Brian said, taking the seat Roger had just vacated. John sat cross legged at the end of your bed while Roger flopped onto the mattress beside you. “I can’t believe you’d think I regretted being your groupie. Have you met me?” “In our defence you seemed very upset, what were we meant to think?” “I had a shitty interview and got called a whore in a very public way, of course I’m upset. Doesn’t mean I regret anything.” “Yeah, that makes sense. Sorry, we should have realised. But we have a proposition for you. We actually thought of a way to cheer you up when we first saw the magazine this morning but then when we got here you seemed so sad and we didn’t want to make you more upset or uncomfortable,” “What Brian is trying to say is that we have an idea we think you might like.” “Jesus will you two stop beating around the bush?” “Shut up Rog, I’m getting there.” “Y/N,” Roger said cutting off the others before they could waffle any longer, “Would you like to fuck us again?” You almost choked. “Zero tact. What he means is, we thought we could cheer you up. All three of us, entirely focused on making you forget that magazine.” “Wait, I’m confused,” you massaged the bridge of your nose as you tried to catch up to them, “you saw an article that called me a whore and thought it would cheer me up to, what, be your shared fucktoy again? Yeah it was fun but-” “No, no, no, that’s not what we mean,” John said, “you’d be in control of how it all happens. It wouldn’t be like last time.” “So, you’d be my whores?” “I guess?” “The point is,” Roger chimed in, “we want to make you feel better. If that means making you cups of tea and buying you a box of chocolates that’s fine. But it could also mean you having three cocks and all the orgasms you can handle.” You looked from Roger to John to Brian and then back again, trying to work out if they were joking or not. But they all seemed sincere enough for you to actually think about their proposition. It wasn’t what you were expecting to hear from them, and it hadn’t crossed your mind until they mentioned it. But now that they had, you had to admit it sounded fun. Last time had been fun and that was when you’d been passed around and used mercilessly, so having them all again, but with a bit more say in how it happened, could only be better. Plus, part of you wanted to prove how unashamed of your groupie history you were and what better way than this? “Okay, I’m in.”
“Do we need to set any ground rules?” Brian asked. “You all know my safeword,” “Saxophone,” You laughed at the chorus of eager voices, “Yes, exactly. Other than that I don’t think there’s anything to worry about. Not like this is new exactly, is it?” “Well, no, I s’pose not.” “Exactly. And if there’s anything I don’t want I’ll tell you. So you’re,” you pointed at Roger, “going to kiss me now, while you two undress,” “Getting right to it, excellent,” Roger laughed, as he pushed himself closer to you. He didn’t waste any time, leaning in to kiss you right away. It started off a little too soft for your liking but as soon as soon as you made it clear how into it you were, kissing him back harder and pressing yourself closer, Roger reciprocated. His hands wandered down to your chest as you felt Brian and John get up, following your orders, their clothes left where they landed on the floor. Roger’s hands were soon replaced by Brian’s as he knelt behind you, and you found your head being pulled around so he could kiss you too. Roger took the opportunity to undress as Brian and John caught you between them. You couldn’t tell who was removing your clothes, only that once your jumper had been pulled over your head John was kissing you. He leaned back, tugging you along so Brian could pull your underwear off, his hands caressing your bare bum. “How do you want us?” John asked, brushing your hair back behind your ear. “Um,” you looked around at the three very naked bandmates waiting for your word, “One of you is going to eat me out. Don’t care who but I am going to cum.” “Yes Ma’am,” John laughed, lazily saluting you before rolling you onto your back and shuffling down between your thighs. You were taken by surprise when you felt his tongue run between your lips, expecting nips on your thighs and the teasing puff of his breath as he hovered just out of your reach. But he was clearly taking the job of cheering you up seriously. Brian and Roger weren’t any different, settling into the spaces on either side of you, their light touches only enhancing the feeling John had set off. You felt their fingertips on your breasts and in the ends of your hair, tugging just enough to send a shiver down your spine but not enough to make you gasp in pain. “So what would you like from us, love? What dirty little fantasies are going through your head right now?” Roger tapped his finger on the middle of your forehead. You opened your mouth but a small oh as John latched onto your clit replaced the words you’d been intending to say. “Think we’re going to need a little more than that, Y/N. C’mon, tell us what you want. Do you want us to just take turns fucking you, filling you up over and over and over.” “Or are you thinking more along the lines of last time? Taking two at a time because one cock isn’t quite enough for you now?” “Try three,” you managed to get out as you slid a hand into John’s hair to hold him in place, “want you all at once.” “Jesus,” Brian swore, dropping his lips to your neck. “I’ve been a piss-poor groupie considering the stories that reporter’s peddling. Everyone’s going to think I’ve been taking all three of you at once constantly, but we’ve never actually done that, have we? Might as well embrace my slut title and change that,” “Let us work up to it, Love” Roger said softly, recapturing your lips as he rolled your nipple between his fingers. You whined, partly from Roger and Brian’s attention and partly because John raised his head, your hips rising slightly at the loss. “Guess I should start stretching you out then,” he said offhandedly as he licked his fingers, the same way you’d seen him do a hundred times before while playing. You couldn’t stop the moan that rose up in your throat, the sound only making John chuckle against you as he lowered his head and resumed his focus on your clit.
It only took a few more minutes to have you swearing through your first orgasm. The two fingers John had inside you enough to send you over the edge as they brushed against every sensitive spot they could reach. Your neck tingled where Brian had marked it and your nipples were stiff peaks, extra sensitive to cool air after he and Roger had delighted in torturing them with teeth and tongue and fingertips. “How was that?” John asked, slowly withdrawing his fingers when he was satisfied you’d finished. “Fuck,” was all you could say, the three boys laughing, John dropping a kiss to the inside of your thigh. “Think you can handle more?” “Actually Bri I think I might be done,” “Oh. Really?” “I’m kidding.” “Thank Christ. I’m so fucking hard there’s no way I could get my pants back on anyway.” You laughed and pushed yourself to sit up, “Poor thing. I suppose you can use my cunt for a bit.” “Classic guitarists always getting first go,” “Shut it drum boy, I was about to offer to blow you but if you’re going to be like that,” “No, no, I didn’t say anything.” “He did Y/N, I heard him, blow me instead,” “Ignore Deaks, he doesn’t know what he’s talking about,” “Like a couple of – oh!” you were cut off as Brian grabbed you round the middle and wrenched you onto your hands and knees, “children. A little warning next time please,” “Sorry,” Brian leaned forward to kiss your back as his fingers trailed up the inside of your thigh, “but if I didn’t move this along we’d be stuck arguing about who gets to blow who forever.” “N-no we wouldn’t,” you stumbled over your words as Brian’s long, talented fingers pressed into you, “I made up my mind, Rog in my throat.” “What about me?” “Don’t worry Deaks, you’ll get your turn. If you want you can spank me though, or bite me or pull my hair or whatever else you can think of. You know my limits. Also we’ll need lube so if you want to go digging through my bathroom draws and find some you can. Might be a reward in it if you do.” “Spankher, please,” Brian nearly whined, “always makes her cunt so tight.” “Think I’d rather claim that reward thanks” “Alright then I’ll spank her,” “Guys! Can you stop arguing. I have holes enough for all of you, that’s kind of the point of this. And, Brian and Roger, if I don’t get both of your cocks deep, deep inside me within the next thirty seconds I will kick you both out and let John have his way with me on repeat.” A moment of silence accompanied your statement. You saw Roger, eyes wide, look over at John and then to Brian, and could only assume they were returning his dumbfounded look. “Twenty-nine, twenty-eight, twenty-seven,” Roger blinked as if waking from a daydream and hurried to kneel in front of you, one hand gliding over the length of his cock as the other reached for your hair. Your mouth fell open in a gasp as Brian suddenly filled you, holding your hips tight as he bottomed out, which gave Roger enough opportunity to push himself towards the back of your throat. There was a shift in the mattress as John got up but you were a little too preoccupied to hear the door open and shut or the sound of him rummaging through your bathroom. You only realised he’d returned when a sudden, loud spank hit you and you knew Brian’s hands were still occupied with your hips. For their parts, Roger and Brian were keeping you busy, skewered between them, not sure whether the noises coming from your own throat were moans or gags or wordless begging. Brian breathlessly laughed as John spanked you again, “So fucking tight. Bit harder?” “Y/N?” You made an assenting humming noise and nodded as much as Roger’s cock would allow which John rightly took as permission and so hit you again, harder than the last.
It was an intoxicating feeling, taking two cocks at once, all the while wanting more and knowing you’d have it before long. Brian fucked you hard and precise, as if his goal was to split you open from the inside out. Had it just been him and you alone you would have found yourself creeping further up the bed. It had happened a few times before, leaving you either hanging off the edge of the bed, or with your hands over your head and pressed against a wall in an effort to keep from banging your head. But all he managed to do was push you further onto Roger’s cock, making you gag and choke more often. Roger didn’t seem to mind that though, giving as good as Brian, firmly gripping your hair so that you couldn’t even attempt to move off him. The added impact from John’s hand just made you shiver and moan. He was the one who sensed you were getting close though, reaching under you to rub your clit and give you the extra push you needed to get over the edge. Brian wasn’t too far behind you, groaning as he tried to keep fucking you, his hips faltering as he twitched inside you and spilled his seed. You felt his hands on your backside as he spread your cheeks, leaning down to spit on your arsehole before he pulled out of you. Once Brian was finished with you, you tapped Roger’s thigh and he pulled back. “You okay?” he asked, stroking your cheek with a knuckle. “Brilliant, just thought that since I can move a bit easier, I’d take over. You look like you were close.” “Fucking yes I was close,” You giggled as you readjusted your position to be more comfortable, once again taking Roger’s cock between your lips. This time you pushed yourself lower, taking him deeper, making Roger swear above you. You pulled back again, hollowing your cheeks until you sank down once more. A strangled moan seemed to catch in Roger’s throat and it spurred you on. You reached out to cups his balls, massaging them in your hand as you took him as deep as you could and hummed. The hum turned into something akin to a squeal (though slightly muffled and choked off at the end) as the sticky cool of John’s lube covered finger teased your arsehole, tracing circles around it before slowly sinking into you. The sight seemed to be enough to finish Roger off, one hand on the back of your head to steady himself as he shot his load down your throat, pulling out towards the end so the last of it dribbled down your chin. “Now me?” John asked, pushing a second finger in with the first as Roger let you go. “Stretch me out a little more and then yes,” “Oh, no, I’m not ready for that yet. I want your tits.” “What?” “Your tits, Y/N. Turn around,” His fingers left you and you were free to move, shuffling on your knees to face him. John pressed down on your shoulder pushing you to sit back on your knees and adjusting your angle so he could slide his lubed up shaft between your breasts. He pushed them together with his palms and slid them up and down his dick as he rutted against you, spreading the sticky lube over your chest. With a slight smile at John, you dipped your head a little and kissed the tip of his cock as it moved towards your lips. “Fuck, been waiting so long for this,” he groaned, “gon-na make a mmm-ess all over you.” He gave up on speech as he neared his released, communicating exclusively in grunts and increased speed until he finished, covering your chest and sternum in ropes of cum that dripped down your skin.
You laughed as John fell back. The hardest you could remember laughing in a while. “What’s so funny?” Brian asked, reaching out to rub your shoulder. “Just thought what that reporter would say if she could see me now, naked and dripping in spunk,” you managed to get out between giggles, “her face would be fucking priceless.” The boys laughed along with you, glad you could see the funny side of the situation with the article. “Does that mean you’re feeling better?” “Yes Rog, but I’m still not done with you.” “What did you have in mind?” “Well,” you crawled over to where Roger was sitting, leant back on his hands, and placed your hand on his throat, tilting his face away from you a little so you could lick a long stripe from his jaw to his temple, “I meant it when I said I wanted all of you.” “Never doubted it, love,” he sounded a little breathless. “Just let me know when you’re all ready to go again. Not you Rog, I can see you’re ready.” “I’m good too Y/N,” “Yeah, same,” “In that case,” you shifted your position, lining yourself up with Roger and sinking down on him, squeezing his throat a little harder as you adjusted. “John, you still got that lube?” “Yes, uh, yeah here,” there was the sound of a cap flipping open and you leaned forward encouraging Roger to lay back so you could give John better access. “Hey, Rog, can you spread your legs a little wider,” “S’pose so, just don’t kneel on my bollocks or anything,” “God give me a second, the thought of that just made mine try and jump up inside me,” You giggled as John shuffled closer, using his fingers to spread some more of the lube over you and to keep stretching you out. “What about me, Y/N?” “I haven’t forgotten you Bri. I want every inch of your cock shoved so far down my throat I can feel you for a week. Just let me get used to the others first, yeah? Still feels kinda odd having two of you at once since we’ve not done it much.” Brian nodded, contenting himself with running his fingers through your hair as he waited. John, having pulled his fingers from you and slicked up his dick with more lube, sank into you slowly, his hand on your back to keep you bent forward. It suddenly felt hard for you to pull in a new breath as you tried to adjust to the feeling of both of them, especially when John gave an experimental thrust, fucking you slowly to make sure it felt okay for everyone. Brian talked softly, reminding you to breathe and telling you how well you were doing, until you were better in control of your lungs and ready for more. “Are you sure you want me as well?” “Yes. Lets show that parasite just how far I’ll go, huh?” Roger laughed, “that’s the spirit.”
Brian didn’t need more convincing than that, though it did take a little trial and error to find the best way to accommodate all three of them. Brian tried perching his arse on the headboard but Roger whinged about “seeing nothing but Bri’s ballsack flopping about. And I know you see things when you’re gangbanging but that is too much.” In the end Brian stood next to the bed by Roger’s head, enough to the side that Roger’s view wasn’t impeded but still close enough so that the angle wouldn’t strain your neck. He gathered your hair into a messy ponytail as he pulled your mouth onto his cock, letting you work yourself further down his shaft as slowly as you needed, checking in with you every now and again to make sure you could take more. The other two were mostly still as you adjusted to Brian, though once or twice they’d given a small thrust or shifted slightly and made you whine. Once you had Brian buried as deep in your throat as he could go you paused for a few seconds and then pulled back again, strings of saliva breaking on your lips. “How was that?” “Good,” you gasped, “New. Kinda weird but very fucking good.” That didn’t really explain anything but you weren’t sure how to describe the nearly overwhelming fullness, the sudden heat, the tension in your belly which you couldn’t pinpoint as either anticipation or nerves or just because you were stretched open on three cocks. “And that’s without us doing anything,” “I know,” you grinned, “I’m excited. Why didn’t we try this sooner? But now you guys can cut loose. I’m not sure I’ll be much use in like riding you properly or whatever. Just don’t know my brain can focus on keeping both of you in my holes while I’m thinking about blowing Bri well. So, just fuck me however you can and we’ll see how it goes.” “Don’t worry, we’ll make you feel good,” John said, rubbing your back softly. “Yeah, course we will, love. And if ends up being shit then we can just take turns instead,” You nodded and took a deep breath before leaning forward to take Brian again. You controlled the pace once more, bobbing up and down his shaft, sucking on his tip, as the other two figured out their rhythm. It was a strange sensation to start. It felt clumsy and more than a little awkward, especially when John mentioned how he could feel Roger inside you. But that eased as they adjusted and worked out how best to fuck you. John held your hips as he plunged into you, each thrust harder than the last as his confidence rose and he found out what you liked most. Roger’s hands moved over your skin rather than staying in once place, palming your breasts and teasing your nipples between his fingertips before sliding down your side to grasp your waist and then back up to your breasts. You were rocked on his cock with each of John’s pounding thrusts, which only made you moan around Brian’s. You let instinct take over there, one hand stroking from his base up to meet your lips as you swallowed him deeper. His hips jolted when you whined or moaned and before long you dropped your hand away from his shaft, instead grabbing his arse to keep yourself steady. He pulled you off him again and you could feel the spit on your chin. “Forgot what a fucking incredible cocksucker you are.” Brian groaned, “But can I take over? Fuck your throat?” “Yeah, okay,” You had time for another breath and then you were pushed down again, right to the base. “There we go,” he groaned, pulling on your hair, “Gonna make you feel so fucking good.” Your hum was choked off and ended in a gag as Brian ground his hips into your face. That seemed to be the tipping point though. The moment all three of them forgot about awkward views or who was positioned where and became entirely consumed with fucking you deep and hard. You were glad to let them lead, grabbing you, pinching and pulling and squeezing every inch of you they could reach. And all the while spearing you on their dicks, keeping you in a cycle of mounting pleasure as they found all your most responsive spots inside and out. You felt your orgasm building again, the heat rising, getting more urgent as you got closer and closer. The sounds you made were muffled by Brian but that didn’t stop you making them, moaning with every pounding thrust. As you neared the edge Brian pulled you off his cock so they could all hear you properly, their encouragement mixing in your lust addled brain and creating a wall of noise that pushed you over the edge with a loud cry. And yet they didn’t stop. Brian waited until your orgasm was reduced to aftershocks that made you wince and whine and then cut off your air as he entered your throat again, resuming the long, deep strokes that made you gag until he came, holding you down as he emptied himself completely.
As soon as the other two didn’t have to worry about giving Brian access to your mouth they adjusted your position, John pushing on your back until you were bent over. Roger attached his lips to your throat as they simultaneously fucked into you, the change of angle pushing Roger’s cock against you in a way that had you seeing spots. You cried out again as Brian lay a slap on your arse. “Fuck, fuck, fuck,” John grunted as he came too, unable to hold out any longer though he didn’t withdraw from you either. His hips slowed a bit and he whined softly but he kept fucking you. “Rog,” you panted, trying to get him to finish too. “You’ve got another one in you, c’mon love,” You whined but nodded, the familiar sensation already tightening in the pit of your stomach. Again the three of them encouraged you, John wrapping his hand around your waist to find your clit, Brian reaching under you to squeeze your breast as his other hand came down on your arse again. They gave you no option but to cum, shivering between them. Finally Roger let go too, moaning into your ear as he filled you up.
It took a moment to disentangle everyone, John being careful not to go too fast and hurt you, but finally you were able to collapse together, sweaty and panting, spread out over the room. “So, cheered up now?” Brian asked from where he’d lain down on the carpet You peered over the edge of the bed at him, “Think so. Thanks for that, it was fun.” “Any time, love,” Roger chuckled from the end of the bed, patting your knee, “and I mean that.” “I’m not you groupie anymore,” “Never said you were,” “Then what?” “What Rog means,” John cut in from where he’d spread out on you window seat, “is that if you ever need cheering up or to let out some frustrations, we’re here. We’re happy to help,” “Does your help always involve a gangbang?” “Not always,” Brian laughed. “Well, a lot of the time,” Roger added with a wink. “I’ll keep it in mind,” you chuckled, “I’ll have to face my family at some point and there’s a high chance I’ll leave upset and frustrated so, we’ll see. Wonder how Freddie’s getting on with those calls.” “I’ll go give him a ring and find out,” Roger said, half groaning as he stood and stretched. He didn’t bother grabbing any of his discarded clothes before he left. “I’ll take Rog his pants,” John sighed as he got up and replaced his own underwear, exiting the room with an eyeroll, Roger’s underwear pinched between his thumb and pointer. “And I’ll...stay here?” Brian said, “unless you need anything?” “Nah, I’m going to jump in the shower. Let the other two know that’s where I am, would you?” “If you’re doing that, can I have the bed?” “Sure Bri,” you laughed, “as long as you promise to change the sheets when you wake up.”
#my writing#my fics#queen fanfic#queen smut#roger taylor x reader#roger taylor smut#brian may x reader#brian may smut#john deacon x reader#john deacon smut
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faceless, nameless - the prologue
gif credit - @kylos
pairing - kylo ren x reader
warnings - canon-typical star wars violence, depictions of death/violence, fighting (verbal + physical), loosely implied physical intimacy (really up for interpretation here), angst, tension, implied mild love triangle, kylo ren betrays you
summary - For four years, Kylo Ren considered you to be many things: his right hand, his confidant, an irreplaceable strategist, a friend and most importantly his equal. It all ended when he left you with a blaster shot to the stomach on a near deserted planet. On the brink of death, a rather dashing Resistance Pilot stumbled upon you, saving your life.
Donning a mask to hide your identity, you’ve grown to become the most fearsome Resistance fighter they have; bewildering the First Order as to how you always seem to ruin their plans and avoid capture. Kylo Ren is a different man from when he left you two years ago, so how will he react when he accidentally finds you alive and well in Poe’s memories?
masterlist // series masterlist // read it on ao3 here
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the prologue - the sun
On Starkiller Base, there were plenty of rumors as to why Kylo Ren kept you around. Some said it was because of your extensive training in hundreds of different languages, both spoken and signed. Others were sure it was due to your diplomatic upbringing that came with countless connections and near endless wealth. Or, maybe it was due to your more than adequate ability in battle that served him the most. Even some people thought you were a kept woman, who only existed as a way for Kylo Ren to blow off steam behind closed doors. Your favorite rumor was that you were actually a high-ranking Resistance spy who was tasked with infiltrating the First Order at the highest level and that Kylo Ren had become weak because of you. Had it not made you laugh so much the first time you heard it, Kylo would’ve crushed the windpipe of the lowly officer who created the elaborate lie.
Of course, there were some truths in all the rumors, but none of them exciting. You were in fact trained in hundreds of languages and that training was a product of your diplomatic upbringing. You were exceptionally trained in various forms of combat, but that was something that came after you met Kylo; he had always been afraid of you not being able to properly defend yourself. You were most certainly not a kept woman, not that you and Kylo weren’t intimate, but certainly not in the type of dynamic people thought. You absolutely were not a Resistance spy, but even though neither of you said it aloud, Kylo Ren was definitely weak for you.
How it actually happened is quite boring. The two of you met when Kylo had just turned 24, still more Ben Solo than Kylo Ren. You were recently 23 at the time, head of a diplomatic welcoming committee that met with Kylo as part of his first official diplomatic endeavor as ‘Kylo Ren’ the soon to be Commander of the entire First Order. He quickly became enamored with you and the way you commanded a team full of older men who clearly didn’t approve of your position- whether it was due to your age or gender he didn’t know- but still treated you with respect; in short, you radiated a confidence and power he desired. For you, it was quite the opposite, Kylo Ren still wasn’t sure of himself and at times still acted like the awkward lanky Jedi boy who had never spoken to a girl outside of school purposes. He was a fresh and welcomed change from all the annoyingly rich and cocky men you met with on a daily basis.
Him and his team stayed on your home planet for nearly three months. Countless delegates from various planets flocked there for balls, meetings, conferences, and more. Your connections ran deep and you directly aided in the First Order’s successes during those three months. For the first few weeks, you and Kylo skirted around the obvious pull between the two of you. He wasn’t exactly sure how to ‘woo’ a girl, nor was he even sure if he was allowed to. His lack of action caused you to regularly doubt if he also felt the spark, or if it was completely one sided on your end. Weeks of longing gazes and accidental brushes of fingertips finally came to an end when the two of you were sitting on your private balcony, overlooking the well kept grounds, discussing the conference that had just ended. It was a roaring success for your planet as well as the First Order, both of you securing mining resources at an exceptional locked rate for a minimum of fifty basic years. You made the first move, he was irresistible under the moonlight, closing the space between you on your bench and pressing your lips directly on his. In his hesitation you thought you had completely misread the past month, but it was only a moment later that his hands found purchase in your hair, pulling you closer. The two of you were nearly inseparable for the rest of his trip.
It was difficult, when he finally had to return to his new master and some massive ship that would be lightyears away from you. Unspoken promises were made the night before he left, declarations of love and devotion made behind closed doors. He was still far from truly becoming Kylo Ren, had copious amounts of training to finish before he would see himself be fitting for someone like you. If he was nothing else, Kylo was desperate for loyalty and when you watched his ship leave you had no doubts he would come back.
And he did, nearly an entire standard year later. You almost didn’t recognize him when he stepped off his personal ship. All broad shoulders and shrouded in layers of black, with that intimidating mask covering his face. He was proving to be quite the warrior, the tales of him and the Knights he commanded reaching the farest edges of the galaxy. When the welcoming festivities had ended and he removed his mask in the privacy of your room, you found a mature face that had lost the softness you once knew. It was no matter to you, flinging yourself into his arms and vowing to never let go.
This time, when he left, you went with him of course. Kylo had been shocked when Snoke approved it, but Snoke, ever the manipulator, knew the growing attachment between the two of you would inevitably prove to be valuable in controlling Kylo Ren.
Moving into a giant spaceship wasn’t easy for you. The dark, cold and everlasting expanse of space was a sharp contrast to your warm ocean planet. You missed the sun on your face and your people, but when you vowed to never let him go, you meant it. As time went on, you grew accustomed to the ship and then eventually Starkiller- which was an entirely different battle, that piece of ice had you complaining for months-, and soon enough you couldn’t imagine a life not in space.
Most of your days were monotonous, not that you minded. From the first day you stepped foot onto base, Kylo began training you himself. He never wanted you to feel as hopeless and afraid as he did when he woke up to his uncle ready to kill him in his sleep. So he trained you, and he trained you hard. You could wield a lightsaber well enough, as he argued that should anything ever happen to him- a thought you hated entertaining-, his saber would be the best weapon you had available. You were smaller than him, so close combat was a challenge but you learned to use your size and agility as an advantage. What you specialized in, was the staff. It allowed you to give a larger opponent at a safe range until it was possible to take them down. Kylo had a special one created just for you, with double edged electrical ends that you could easily turn on or off. It was rare that he actually let you on a battlefield with him, but when he did you were unstoppable. Not that you minded, you quite enjoyed working behind the scenes, forming battle plans and leading diplomatic endeavors for the First Order.
Other than Snoke, no one out ranked you, not even Ren; a fact he had been extremely particular about after a visiting diplomat made the excuse of outright ignoring and belittling your presence in a meeting. You were equals in everything, even going as far as taking on the ‘Ren’ moniker.
Among First Order subordinates, you were fairly well liked, and not just because it was unspoken that anyone who thought badly of you would probably die at Ren’s hand. The people actually liked you. Ren was cold, you were warm. When he was sharp, you were soft. It worked well, his ability to command troops and fuel the fires of war was complimented perfectly by your ability to talk nearly anyone to your side.
You never wavered in your support for him, ever loyal by his side no matter what he did or who he killed or how many villages he burned to the ground. You stood next to him, never behind, when new planets presented themselves as potential allies. You watched from above when he burned villages, that dared aid the Resistance, to the ground. You cleaned and healed every single wound he received from Snoke’s brutal training. You held him together when the pull to the light made him feel weak and undeserving.
Anyone could see that you were the sun that Kylo Ren revolved around.
So, when he came back to Starkiller on that fateful day, covered in blood- your blood-, announcing that you were dead- and he was the one who killed you-, and that your name was never to be uttered on his base or by any First Order subordinate ever again, no one knew what to do.
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a/n - hi!!! im so excited for this story, ive never written star wars before and my lore knowledge isnt the best ill admit, so please excuse any minor bits of pieces i may get wrong! comments/likes/reblogs always appreciated. if you wanna be added to the taglist, just ask and ill make one! :D
no permission is given to copy or republish my writing on any other platform or account. if you see this story outside of my blog or my ao3 it is stolen work. i do not own nor claim to own star wars or any of the character involved in it.
#kylo ren#kylo#ren#kylo ren x reader#ren x reader#kylo ren x you#kylo ren/reader#kylo ren/you#kylo x you#kylo/you#reader insert#star wars fanfiction
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Encore - POYW - Harry Hook x reader - part 23 - finishing touches
=
You hummed around your fork as the creamy buttercream hit your tongue, looking down at your lap that held your aunt's tablet as you looked over the concept art your aunt had made for your wedding cake.
They ranged from sheet cakes with black and red swirling designs to four-tiered cakes with black and silver designs with red roses decorating the top and bottom tiers.
“these are all so pretty, I have no clue which one to choose” you sighed, setting down the fork next to the crumbs of your once existing sample cake, you and Harry had decided on the flavors a bit ago, chocolate raspberry truffle cake with raspberry glaze and chocolate buttercream and angel food with light vanilla buttercream.
Tonks, your aunt, laughed and held her hand out for the tablet, you leaning over with it and placing it in her hand “that’s no problem if you can't decide right now, there's no rush since your wedding isn’t till…have you decided when you’ll get married?” you paused at her question and shrugged, you honestly didn’t remember if you and Harry had decided on a date, almost everything was ready and set.
The place, the décor, the flowers, the bridesmaids, groomsmen, junior bridesmaids, and groomsmen all chosen, their clothes and accessories ready to be of use. the flower girls were chosen and their clothes ready, the place where you would have the reception at was chosen, the food at the reception was chosen, who was going to marry you and Harry (FG offered to marry the two of you, being the one to originally separate you she wanted to officially bind you together as an apology), who was going to give you away (your aunt), the archway you were going to be married under was designed, Evie said your dress and Harrys suit was ready, the guest list was long since completed, all that was left to do was chose the cake design and decide the time and day to get married really.
“not sure yet, I’ll ask Harry the next time we talk about wedding stuff” you smiled as Tonks gave you a grin and flipped through her cake designs again.
“im sure you’ll pick the best day, now pick a cake” she slid the tablet back over to you. You picked it up and scrolled through the designs again.
You finally decided on the four-tiered cake with white fondant and silver piping designs, with black borders and red roses swirling from the top to the bottom. “great choice, now I think you have a final dress fitting to get to~” Tonks teased, standing to give you a hug and waving you off as you walked into the back to go through a portal to the descendant's universe.
You stuck your key into the storage room door lock and turned it, the portal opening behind the closed door. You swung it open and stepped into the shimmering light portal.
A moment later you stepped out into Evie's starter castle, calling out to her to let her know you were there “Evie!! Im here!” you heard her call back to you from the greenhouse turned office and you made your way over to her. “so I heard that my dress is ready?” Evie spun in her chair, facing away from the light purple dress she was working on, and nodded with a bright grin.
“All ready! Harry's suit is done too but I’ll have him come by later, try it on!” she dashed over to one of her movable dress wracks and plucked a gorgeous white dress with billowy sheen sleeves, a plunging sweetheart neckline, and a long sheer train that flowed from the back. “here you go! Now go go! I want to see the finished product on you!” she squealed, jumping in excitement as you took the dress and went to go change behind the changing screen Evie had installed a while ago for her costumers that came personally to her office.
It took a minute or two to get into the dress, with all the fabric but it was pretty easy to figure out how to put it on. Finally, you zipped up the back and picked up the skirt, and stepped out from behind the changing screen.
Evie gasped and clapped erratically “O M G it's perfect~!!! You look so amazing!!!” you let out a small laugh and let Evie lead you to her standing mirror, gasping at your reflection.
(yes im showing the design again im so damn proud of this dress i want it for my own wedding if i ever have one)
It was exactly the way you had designed it, from the small gems decorating your neckline to the white sapphire waist overlay “Evie, it's perfect” your voice cracked, pure happiness overwhelming you “it’s exactly what I wanted, and dreamed of”
“thank you so much for trusting me with it (y/n), and it's beautiful because you designed it too, you have an amazing eye for fashion” Evie giggled, holding onto your shoulders and smiling at you in the reflection of the mirror. “you are going to take Harry's breath away on your wedding day”
You laughed again, wiping the tears from your eyes and turning, wrapping your arms around Evie and hugging her tightly “thank you so much Evie” she hummed and hugged you back.
“you’re welcome (y/n), it’s the least I could do for all I've done” you raised your brow and leaned back, about to ask her what she meant before you remembered she had helped Mal kidnap you to have FG transport you back to your world.
“Still, thank you” you patted her arm, twirling back around and admiring the dress again. “I love it so much.”
“im glad” Evie sang, walking back over to her desk and continuing on the dress she had paused working on when you walked “so is everything almost done?”
“yep” you chirped, spinning and grinning to yourself as the skirt and train flared around you. “it’s all done actually, all that’s left is for Harry to try on his suit and for us to pick a day and time”
“oh, the archway is finished?” Evie asked, looking over her shoulder at you. The archway that you and Harry would be married under would be installed on your new ship for your wedding, but you and Harry had gone through a billion designs before finding the perfect one, and it had just been finished building and all it needed were its white and red roses decorating the main top boards.
“yep, Harry and I approved the final work two nights ago, we’re basically ready to get married at any point now” you turned and walked back over to the changing screen, unzipping the dress and letting it fall down your arms. “again, just need to pick a day”
Evie clapped her hands in glee “oooh I so excited, honestly, I think im more excited for this than I am Mal and Ben's wedding” you laughed loudly at that.
“Really?” you tilted your head out of the screen, raising your brow at Evie “why?”
“I don’t know” Evie sighed “something about it being more…private? And it’s really just going to be personal friends and family with some extra people, right? it just feels a bit more intimate than their wedding which is going to be broadcasted across Auradon”
You hummed, yeah you were glad you didn’t have to deal with all that for your wedding, and your wedding, hopefully, also would have Carlos actually there, he had mentioned that the day of Mal and Bens wedding was the day of his very important-you can't miss it or you’ll fail the entire year-finals test for veterinary school.
Ben and Mal had tried to reschedule their wedding so Carlos could attend but unfortunately, everything was all set and both were unable to move the date. They promised they would have either Jay or Doug record everything for him so he could at least see the wedding “personally” instead of on the news, he would be there for the reception but he would be missing the ceremony.
“what month are you thinking for it?” Evie wondered aloud, the hum of her sewing machine overpowering her voice a bit.
“im thinking either late spring or early summer? So May or June. I don’t want it to be cold as all hell but I don’t want it to be so warm everyone's sweating?” you shrugged on your shirt and zipped up your boots, stepping back out into the main area of Evie’s office with your dress in your arms “honestly I dunno, I’ll talk to Harry tonight about it, we're having dinner at my place.”
Evie nodded at that and stood, taking your dress and hanging it back up on her rack. “awesome, welp, we’re all done here! So” she waved her hands at you as if casting a spell “why don’t you get back to…whatever you were doing or needed to do after you were done with this” you laughed and nodded, spinning on your heel and walking out of Evie's office, waving her goodbye as you stepped out into her kitchen.
“kay, bye Evie!”
“bye!”
-
A couple of hours later and you were in your kitchen stirring up the mashed potatoes as Harry checked on the tri-tip. “think it's ready yet?” Harry turned to you, nodding his head at the oven.
“just check it with the meat thermometer, if it's 145 degrees it's ready” Harry nodded, putting on some oven mitts and taking out the tri-tip, sticking the meat thermometer in, and grinning.
“145, we’re ready” you nodded and turned off the heat for the gravy, and uncovered the cheese biscuits.
“Okay, ill cut it up and you can take the veggies out of the microwave and pour ‘em in the bowl thing”
You grabbed a carving knife and a large fork, transferring the tri-tip to a cutting board and slicing it up. You worked in comfortable silence to finish your prep for dinner, the only heard was your knife against the meat and cutting board and the soft music playing on Harry’s Bluetooth.
“ready!” Harry called, getting out two plates and setting them on the counter, walking over to you and kissing your cheek “thank yeh for helping me make this darling”
“you’re welcome Harry” you hummed, setting down the knife and fork and walking around Harry to get to the plates “plate up! And let's eat!”
After filling your plates with tri-tip, mashed potatoes and gravy, cheese biscuits, and corn, your dinner was ready to eat. You and Harry sat down at the counter/kitchen window and clinked your sodas before digging in, Harry dancing in his seat a bit as he bit into his food.
“good?” Harry just hummed happily, and nodded, picking up his biscuit and bobbing his head as he bit into it. “good.” You laughed slightly and dug into your own food, humming as you bit into the tri-tip “good job on the tri-tip, it’s fucking bomb” Harry grinned and his ears turned red.
“Thank yeh, Uma taught me how ta season steak a bit after the barrier came down.” You laughed again and pulled out your phone to text Uma.
“well she's a damn good teacher, it’s fucking bomb” you sent a quick text to Uma telling her that she needed to teach harry more cooking stuff and she sent back a wink and a thumbs up.
“soooo” you and Harry spoke in unison, stopping to look at each other and laughing “okay okay” you waved your hands around “me first” Harry laughed a bit and nodded, leaning on his fist and watching you “so, twice today I've been asked when we’re getting married and-I realized I don’t remember if we talked about it, like, at all” Harry snorted.
“aye, Evie, Uma, an’ CJ asked meh the same thing, and yeah we’ve…never talked about when we want ta get married” you and Harry shared an ‘oh shit’ smile and you shook your head.
“well, when Evie asked me about it the first thought that came to my head was early summer or late spring, so like, May or June?” harry hummed and tapped the counter with his fingers.
“huh, May actually sounds good, um, weekend or weekday?” you lifted your feet and rested them on the sideways beams of Harry's stool.
“mmm, weekend? Mostly everyone will be free on the weekends” Harry nodded, and took another bite of mashed potatoes “maybe a Saturday?”
“sounds good” Harry mumbled through his food, swallowing it and taking out his phone, opening his calendar and scrolling up to May “um, so we have the 1st, 8th, 15th,22nd, and the 29th for Saturday’s”
You leaned closer to Harry and set your chin on his shoulder, examining the calendar on his phone “how bout the 22nd? That way it’s not too soon for anyone's schedule and not the direct end of the month” Harry smiled and nodded in agreement.
“that’s perfect, May 22nd it is, that’s when we'll get married” Harry pressed a kiss to your forehead “I can't wait for that day, my love”
“I can't wait either, I tried on my finished dress today and I just wanted to show you immediately, it's so dang pretty~!” you squealed, grinning as Harry chuckled at your enthusiasm.
“and I can't wait ta see you wearing it, I can’t wait ta see yeh walk down the aisle towards me and I can't wait ta call yeh meh wife” you forced down the burning in your nose and eyes and wrapped your arms around Harry, burying your face in his shoulder. “and I can't wait to call you my husband, and love you for the rest of my life” Harry hugged you back tightly, pulling you into his lap and pressing his cheek to the side of your head.
“I love you so much (y/n)”
“I love you too Harry”
-
“finally! I was wondering when you two were going to pick a date, I've kept my calendar open just in case you two decided to say ‘fuck it’ and get married on a whim.” Uma waved her hands about as she ranted, and you hid your smile behind your glass and took a sip of your (drink)
“Yeah, guess we can also finally print those invitations now too” Uma hummed at that and set her cup down, tilting her head at you.
“well, the guest list is all done, right? So it won't be that much to do” you shook your head and took another sip of your (drink).
“Nope, just the design, and then printing, and everything will be ready to go, Harry and I already called Ben about using his private docks for the wedding because that’s where our ship is and he’s all for it” Uma nodded, moving forward on the table and resting her chin in her palm.
“so, next month, you and Harry get married~” you giggled in excitement and danced in your seat a bit.
“yep, hard to believe it's been almost a year since we got engaged, I feel like it's only been a month” you wished wistfully, a dreamy smile on your face “when I arrived on the isle, I never thought that Harry and I would even meet, then all of a sudden I was a part of your crew.” You and Uma shared a reminiscent smile, it had happened oh so long ago, all the way back in 2017 after D2 had released, and now it was 2021 and you were engaged to Harry freaking Hook, Uma was one of your best friends, Gil the other best friend, and you could travel from your world to the descendant's world.
It was like a dream come true, and if it was just a dream?
You hoped you would never wake up.
-end of part 23-
I know these wedding planning parts are lowkey kinda boring but really im just trying to set up the wedding part(s) (if it seems like im dragging everything out pls tell me, I don’t want to bore yall)XD which is soon! It'll probably be posted on May 22nd and considering I've been posting like, once a month (im sorry lol), the next chapter may possibly be the wedding chapter but IDK~!!! But anyway thank you all for reading my dumb Harry Hook x reader that I started back in 2018 so it been like, more than two years since I posted the first part and for some reason yall liked it and asked for more??? Which like, my writing fucking sucked back then, so why the fuck did yall like it? XD
Anyway, just saying again that I will be making rewrites of part of your world and reprise, encore I’ll leave alone since I think it has okay writing, I might re-edit the first couple parts if I cringe enough at em but otherwise, encore will be left alone while the first two parts of the series will get rewritten. I will leave the original versions up but again, new versions coming after I finish encore.
Thank you! - R.Sparrow
(oh! also I designed the invitations~
pretty~ okay im done!)
permtaglist
@queer-cosette @sephiralorange
@lunanight2012 @daughter-of-the-stars11
@musicarose @random-thoughts-003
@remembered-license @verboetoperee
@thecaptainsgingersnap @imtryingthisout @rintheemolion
@jatp-rules-my-life
#Descendents#descendants#disney descendants#harry hook#harry hook descendants#harry hook x reader#harry hook imagine#encore#part of your world#reprise
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for the road (2/2) steve clark x reader
+++++++++
part 1 part 2
sorry this took so long, like i had mentioned in the other post, our internet cable was cut and it took a few days for it to get fixed. on top of that i had a few essay finals to finish and just didnt have time to get back to this. it is here now though and i hope you all like it!
she edited for the most part but if i missed anything, sorry, lol.
again i dont usually add songs from the artists to their own chapters but i think this one works pretty good with the story so youre getting it anyways lol
Song: stagefright by def leppard
tag list: @cynic-spirit @lifeisabitchandsoareyou
+++++++++
as soon as i turned around from locking the shop there was a taxi outside, parked on the curb with a woman leaning against it. she offered me a smile.
"are you y/n?"
she asked and i nodded.
"the band is waiting for you."
she said opening the door for me. i politely thanked her before sliding in and buckling the seat belt. the car smelled like apples, making me feel much less nervous than before. the ride to the venue was pretty silent though and i watched out the window as we passed by the tall city buildings. as the venue came into view my eyes got wide, i had never actually been to this part of town before. I looked at the venue in awe, it was much larger than the places I usually attended concerts at. the metal gates opened in front of us and she drove in, straight to the back doors. a large man in all black was waiting there with his arms held together in front of him. i was definitely back to being nervous again. he opened the door and peered down at me.
"You here for Steve?"
He asked and I nodded, pulling the ticket out of my pocket and showing it to him.
"yeah uh, he gave me this."
he looked over it before helping me out of the cab.
"Right this way."
He said, hand moving to be placed gently at my back as we walked inside the venue. I was a little unnerved at first, being alone with the man and all but marched along anyways. the halls were brightly lit as we walked, the white concrete shining against the floor tiles. i watched as roadies and crew members walked around us, gaining my attention as the man kept pushing me forward. When he reached a door at the end of the hall I smiled, seeing Steve sat against the couch's arm rest with his guitar in his hand.
"Here we are."
The man said, dropping his hand from my back and standing firmly beside the door. He never looked back at me as I stepped into the room shyly. I waved to the guys before Steve noticed me.
"Y/n!"
He said excitedly, standing and offering me a hug. I gladly took it before he escorted me to sit at the couch.
"Was the ride here alright?"
He asked and I nodded.
"Yeah, for the most part. Thanks again for inviting me. I'm excited to see you guys play!"
I said, wide smile on my face.
"I'm happy to hear that, i really hope you like it. we've been working on something new for the set."
i made an impressed face.
"sounds exciting."
then i heard one of them laugh.
"you say that like shes seen our other sets."
he had darker curly hair.
"so?"
steve said sitting a little closer to me, his arm falling behind my back to rest on the couch.
"im sav."
the man offered his hand and i shook it.
"y/n."
steve cleared his throat.
"right, thats rick savage he plays bass, my partner in crime phill collen, plays guitar, rick allen who is our man behind the kit, and of course you already met and talked to joe elliot our lead singer."
they all offered hellos around the room as steve introduced them.
"its nice to officially meet you all, i appreciate you guys coming into the shop earlier. i put the record in the window after you left and six people stopped in to buy a copy."
i joked, making steve laugh lightly.
"happy to help."
sav said. then a man with a clip board and mic around his neck stepped in looking rushed.
"alright guys its time to mic up, its almost show time."
they all nodded before leaving the room one by one to follow the man.
"hey ive gotta go but ill be back right before the show starts so you can come with us to the side of the stage okay?"
i nodded as he stood.
"okay."
he touched my shoulder lightly before walking off. i sighed to myself for a second before getting up and walking around the room. it was super neat. the painted bricks were covered in signatures from all sorts of rock stars. they were littered about in varying colors of permanent marker, some of them with small messages and dates next to them. part of me wondered how long it would take to fill before they had to paint over it or start on a new set of walls. then i heard a knock at the door, it was steve with a guitar now around his neck.
"hey, you ready for the show?"
he asked with a wide smile.
"lead the way."
i said stepping out of the room and following him back down the hallway.
"so i know this isnt exactly date material but how are you so far?"
i let out a short laugh.
"im doing great, this is all fantastic."
he seemed content with that answer as we stepped up to the side of the stage.
"im glad to hear that. if you arent busy afterward would you maybe wanna go get something to eat? before we have to head out?"
i twisted my body a little in excitement, holding my hands in front of me, smiling like an idiot.
"id love that."
he touched my arm gently.
"great!"
i leaned forward and kissed his cheek lightly, making him blush.
"alright guys, showtime."
the man who had called them out earlier was back, ushering them into a line.
"ill be here when youre done."
i said, earning a nod from him. i watched as they all ran out one by one, the crowd screaming as the backtrack blared through the speakers. they all just lit up as they began playing, joe speaking into the microphone and asking how the crowd was feeling. it made be giggle, not being to contain my excitement anymore.
°°°°°°°°°
when the set was done steve was quick to get offstage and into a new set of clothes. he was all sweaty under the stage lights during the show so i could understand why. he had grabbed my hand and practically ran with me down the hall and out the back door, making me laugh. when we were in the cab i had arrived in he calmly told the woman where to take us, his arm making its way behind me to hold me around my waist. the drive to the late-night restaurant was filled with small conversation and light smiles, he really was an interesting person. when we pulled up he helped me out of the cab and walked with me on his arm inside.
"two?"
the waitress asked, him nodding and following her to a booth across the diner.
"so, what can i get you two to drink?"
she said, setting the menus down. i looked at her and smiled.
"coffee please."
she nodded and looked to steve who look at me a little curiously.
"two coffees i suppose."
he let out a short laugh before she walked away.
"its a little late for coffee dont you think?"
he asked, looking over the menu. i sent him a look.
"says the person who ordered one as well."
he laughed and shook his head.
"i guess we all have our vices huh?"
i smiled at him, looking over the menu.
"hey, ive been meaning to ask you-"
"you two ready or do you need some more time?"
i looked from steve to her.
"cheese fries please."
i said, handing her the menu as she wrote it down.
"same."
he said with a smile, handing her his menu too. she nodded before walking away.
"now, what was it that you wanted to ask?"
he folded his hands together and leaned into the table, giving me his full attention.
"well i was wondering what the rest of tonight would look like."
i laughed light heartedly.
"its not exactly like you guys are staying here. i know you said it was a date, and i really like you but i dont necessarily wanna have too much fun, ya know?"
he nodded slowly, the waitress bring us our food and us thanking her.
"ive kinda been thinking about that too. and i really like you too and would love for this to happen."
he motioned between the two of us.
"but i dont want to make you wait for me."
i laughed a little bit as i ate.
"i dont think id mind too much. waiting that is, ive been single this long its not like it would be much different."
i joked, making him smile at me as he took a drink.
"so, what? we do this? for real? keep in contact until tour is over and then what?"
i shrugged.
"we make it work."
i said matter-of-factly. he studied my face for a second.
"okay, so we're really doing this."
he said with a wide smile. i nodded.
"i guess we are."
then it hit me.
"oh, here!"
i grabbed one of the survey cards out of the napkin holder and began writing.
"heres the numbers you can reach me at. the top is my house and the bottom is the shop. if you need me ill be at either of those places."
he looked over it before folding it and stuffing it into his pocket.
"hopefully you dont get too tired of me before tour is over."
we both laughed.
"i dont think i will, if you wanna call everyday be my guest. id love to hear about the places you visit. makes my small corner of the world a little bit bigger."
he sent me a genuine, heart melting smile.
"then i will absolutely do that for you y/n."
we both finished our drinks and got up, taking the ticket to the register and him paying the waitress. we said our thanks before climbing back into the cab out front. the drive back to the venue was full of cuddles and soft touches, talking back and forth about what he would be doing and where he would be going in the next couple weeks. it all sounded so interesting and i wished i could go with him. when the cab came to a stop at the back door we both got out, his hands making their way to my waist as i leaned into the car.
"ill be looking forward to seeing you next month."
he said softly, pushing my hair out of my face.
"likewise."
i said back, looking over his face. he seemed so soft. his thumb grazed my cheek before he leaned down and kissed me gently. the moment our lips met i knew that was it. the wait would be worth it for sure. when he pulled away we both sighed as he rested his forehead against mine.
"ill for sure be looking forward to another one of those."
he joked, both of us smiling at each other like a couple of teenagers.
"well then, before we both have to go, heres one for the road."
i said before pushing forward quickly, kissing him again. it was deeper than before as he pulled me into him. i wanted to feel that forever. when the back door creaked open we both pulled away, it drawing his attention as the body guard stood there sternly.
"i guess thats my queue."
he grabbed my hands as he backed up, dropping them as he got further away. i watched him walk to the door, waving back to me before he was ushered inside. i covered my mouth for a second before bouncing up and down with excitement. i could wait a month, if that was the hardest part of this then surely i could handle it. and now i had tour adventure stories to look forward to. i smiled like an idiot as i slid back into the cab, telling her where to take me. i couldnt stop smiling the entire car ride. i couldnt wait for the month to be up.
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Yancy being totally flustered and ruined by Illinois calling him pet names is totally valid but you know what’s better? The first time Yance feels comfortable enough and happy enough to be like ‘Aww, Illi, ain’t you a doll?’ and Illinois stops dead because HE does the pet names and complimenting, HE does the charming. No one charms him. But his heart is Bang Bang Banging and Yancy has a 404 adventurer on his hands.
ain’t you a doll // yancy x illinois
Pairing: Yancy x Illinois
Words: 1089
Rating: General Audiences
Read on Ao3
Tags: Fluff | Tooth-Rotting Fluff | Fluff and Humor | Domestic Fluff | Romantic Fluff | just a lot of fluff | Romance | Dating | Dates | Pet Names | POV Third Person | Touch-Starved
Notes (more notes at the end): finally got around to writing something for these two. i put the call out for prompts for yancy/illinois two and a half weeks ago and im finally writing about them. i jsut finally felt inspired and woo boy this got really soft i was dying writing them holding hands.
@wexeatxthexrude thank you so much for the prompt
edit: fixed the formatting issue, damn you tumblr why do you like to warp my fics. thanks to those that let me know.
Another adventure successfully and mostly safely completed, and anotherpriceless artefact soundly and more than mostly safely delivered to the museum.
This wasn’t the first adventure Yancy had tagged along on, but this was thefirst time he’d come with Illinois to the museum to deliver what they’dretrieved and Illinois felt stupid for worrying about whether Yancy was goingto like it or not. Of course he was going to like it, I mean thisplace had the most complete triceratops skeleton in the world! Okay… that’sone of the reasons he liked it, didn’t mean Yancy would. Illinoisforgot a lot of the time that not everyone found old fossils and relics andremains as interesting or cool as he did.
Luckily, Yancy had been enthralled as Illinois walked him around theexhibits and gave him his own exclusive, honorary tour, that was packed withway more information, and much more accurate information, than the museum’sofficial tour guides could ever offer, and hey he also heard this exclusivetour had the best looking guide.
And also luckily Yancy hadn’t gotten bored or fed up of him rambling andgetting over-excited, he’d just listened to everything and smiled and been sosupportive Illinois hadn’t felt this… it felt too early to say ‘loved’…admired maybe… He hadn’t felt this ‘unnameable positive emotion that made hischest feel warm and tight’ in a long time.
“Hey you know, there’s a cafe next to the lobby in here, and when it’snice and hot like this they sell ice cream, you want to grab any? Mytreat?” He asked Yancy once he’d finally finished leading him around theexhibits.
“Aww, Illy, ain’t you a doll.”
Illinois froze.
What… just happened?
Did Yancy just… call him a pet name?
No, no, no, that was his job, he was meant to be the onefull of compliments and pet names. He charmed people, people didn’tcharm him.
People didn’t… When was the last time anyone had charmed him?Illinois tried to think back and sure he knew when people were looking at himlike they wanted to do something to him, or wanted him to do something to them,but no one really flirted with him unless the occasional confident soul shot afew lines back at him as he winked and smiled.
But no one called him pet names, people didn’t call him pet names, Yancyhadn’t ever called him by a pet name before. Yancy was cute and softer, whileIllinois was stoic and cocky and tough, not that Yancy wasn’t tough but… Theway Yancy had said that…
It was just a pet name, just one word, why the hell was he freaking out somuch? He felt the urge to put a hand on his chest to see if his heart reallywas having as much of a fit as he thought it was. His cheeks felt hot, had theyalways felt that hot? It was fairly warm in here but the museum did have airconditioning but it was the summer so-
Something flashed across his face.
There it was again.
It was Yancy’s hand.
“Ill? I didn’t break yous, did I?” Yancy was a lot closer than hehad been before, when did he move? Oh god Illinois prayed to whatever strangedeity might shine down on him that he hadn’t just been standing here for whoknows how long staring into space.
“No, no,” Illinois cringed and coughed as he heard his voice comeout almost squeaky. “Not at all darlin’ you just, uh, took me bysurprise with that is all.”
“With what?” Yancy tilted his head to the side.
Okay maybe he could get away with pretending this never happened. “Oh,nothing, don’t worry about it, but I was saying wasn’t I that I would-”
“It’s cause I called yous ‘doll’ ain’t it?” Yancy was grinning butthere was an insecurity there as if he was afraid of being embarrassed if hewas wrong.
“I, uh,” Illinois shook his head. “Alright, you caught me. Ijust… didn’t expect the pet name is all.”
“Yous seemed to short circuit on me for a second there. How not used toit are you?” Yancy laughed and Illinois dug thumbs under his belt andbalanced back on his heels as he ducked his head (something he was starting tolearn was a nervous tick of his, not that he got nervous of course). “Oh,real not used to it huh?” And Yancy knew what his body language meant andthat was something unusual but… sweet. Not many people had stuck around(whether by their own choice or… not their own choice) long enough to get toknow him this well.
“I suppose I’m used to being the charmer but not the charmee,”Illinois joked, or at least tried to, it must have not worked considering theserious expression on Yancy’s face. “Yance? That’s not… weird, right?How I reacted, I mean.”
Yancy’s eyes stayed serious but he smiled. “Oh not at all, doll.I'ms just thinking what I can dos with this information.” And he smirked,Illinois hadn’t even known Yancy knew how to smirk. “So, what was thatyous were saying about getting us ice cream, sweetheart?”
Oh no. This was bad. This was very, very bad. Yancy had too much power.
He his face heating up had nothing to do with the room temperature thistime. His hand found it’s way up and tugged at the collar of his shirt.
“Yeah,” He tried to shake the feelings off. “I’ll lead theway.”
Yancy, shyly but slyly leaned into him as they walked and brushed theirhands together. Illinois almost jumped, but pushed his hand back into Yancy andhe saw how Yancy’s face lit up from the corner of his eye. Something like thiswas a big step for both of them, both touch-starved from their time alone, butYancy was also so used to people touching him because they were hurting him.Illinois was making sure that never happened again, and was trying his best notto mess things up.
Yancy smiled and held his hand and squeezed it and just looked so darn cutethat Illinois turned his head to the side and slid his hand over his stubbleand over his mouth.
“Yous alright, Noisy?”
“I’m fine, Yancy.” Illinois sighed and dropped his hand, failingto fight the smile off his face.
“Alright,” Yancy cocked his head and grinned. “Doll.”
Tag list: @theshysepticeye @the-marvel-encyclopedia @gabby-doo @actrmrk @smol-gay-nerd184 @salmonisforthebagel (let me know if you’d like to be added to the tag list for my ahwm fics, also let me know if you want to be taken off the tag list)
More notes:
and if you guys could please help me out and and reblog this promo post for the heist charms, stickers and pins i’m making and selling that would mean the world! there’s also the link in there to my Etsy shop where you can buy them plugging that again because i need moneys
also if you want to see the heist art i keep drawing you can follow me on instagram and twitter
#yancy x illinois#yancy#ahwm illinois#ahwm yancy#ahwm#mywriting#mine#wexeatxthexrude#markiplier egos
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Ramblings for my Sekifuyu playlist bc what is self control This isn’t clear at all, I am sorry.
Accidentally, this is sort of an A Side, B Side Playlist. Full of accidental parallels because im a dingus and genius. Fun fact if you look at the dates on desktop spotify you can see that I was def listening to this while working on my huge fic.
You start with Iori, like in the game and it’s all shoujo swirls and poppy sounds (Teenage Dream, Spending All My Time). Both of which are focused on first love, and just that overwhelming excitement of being in love and first love. I picked the cover because it has more of Iori’s spunk.
Then, we take a small dive, but stay poppy with (Love Me like That), when Iori mistakenly believes Ei loves Ryoko, followed by things constantly pushing them back together (Magnetic Field) which is something the two of them constantly think about wait for the meta on that i have screenshots.
Takes All Night is just the motorcycle confession, “So it's now or never, Before you're gone for good, Seconds count, I'm coming with nothing to lose”
Given It All Sort of accidentally sets up a call and response to Two More Minutes, but is sort of that in between where Iori really owns up to all her feelings and is all in, you can call her silly but she’s in it.
Devil’s Backbone specifically is something about Tomi’s warning to stay away from Ei, and her affirmation to Ei, that it doesn’t matter if he’s an assassin. Iori’s in love with him. This is also a weird sound transition but I accidentally echoed this later with him....so...shrug emoji...
Heavy Weather is a song in his musical styles I used in the second have, but Iori’s feelings. I suppose it’s...Iori’s feelings when she asks Ei to fight the deimos with her, “come on lightning, try to strike us”.
Dream I found on my spotify recommended and I lost my mind over...it was perfect for both Ei asking her to start looping, and returning to register his Sentinel.
Then we whirl back around into Iori’s pure shoujo pop sound for her feelings when Ei goes missing between routes (Untouched). Also the instrumental break makes me go feral.
FINALLY, we start to bridge the gap with the two of them on Meet Me Halfway, which is here for Iori waiting for him after school, patiently and for him to show up again.
Last Iori song is for her feelings in Destruction, “I’m not giving up on love”.
Now that we’ve finished with Iori we start to change musically to less poppy sounds, Light of Love is another duo, verse one is for her, verse two is for him and they’re both trying to figure this feeling and each other out.
Formally this is where “B Side” begins, and the songs are a lot more muted. We’re also going backwards! What’s a sentinels playlist if I can’t fuck around with ordering. Going backwards was a pain for ordering and my brain but I liked how it sounds.
We go to Ei’s feelings in destruction, reflecting on how Iori’s changed him, and how he was so used to doing things alone, but now he’s got her. (I was an Island)
Ocean Avenue is the last official duo song, and it goes right for the lines in destruction where they talk about going to the beach. I cry....
Lover is Childlike is the accidental echo of Devil’s Backbone, where Ei is very aware that Iori is soft, naive and how that’s what makes her...her. Something about the way he reflects on her before he summons his Sentinel in his finale.
Ei at the end of his story (Superstar), where he’s finally able to tell her; yes this is the start of something and that he doesn’t want anything bad to happen to her. We also get to bring up the run away lines again. This sound is more...her style his words.
Then, backwards continues to Ei struggling with his feelings and how much he cares for Iori (Two More Minutes), and despite everything he’s learned about himself and his scattered memories, he still wants her.
Ei’s music is all like...slow stripped sounds and angsty lmao. I love it but also Ei-kun please..stop angsting. We go back to Ei trying to process his meetings with Iori after memory loss with Neptune; “I want to love you but I don’t know how.”
Finally, Memory Loss! (Jet Pack Blues), Musically i like how this breaks up his melancholy but still keeps to theming. He’s completely baffled by her when they meet here, that she’s been waiting for him and that she loves him! He doesn’t know who this girl is, but she knows him.
Ei registers his sentinel and leaves her all alone (Verona), where he wants to confess...but doesn’t. Instead he’s aware that everything is going to change any day now when he loses his memory and how things could have been.
Ei’s messy feeling spiral continues as we backtrack to the park, in which he asks her to runaway with him in a moment of weakness. (Outside), it doesn’t matter if the world is ruined, he wants her.
With Analog boy we come around to Ei sort of making that call to go ahead with the Memory Back up; less direct things here but it’s got his illness and hollowness vibe.
End it off with time traveling assassin who didn’t expect things to go this way (Predator and Prey), and the assassin who was totally ready to just straight up commit a crime (Paralyzed)
....and that’s my long ass playlist write up im gonna go take a nap
#i whole ass everything i do#sugar speaks#long post#i am sorry.... i have so many brain worms#i have four sentinels playlists please send help its all my brain worms
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I’m so proud of you for not only finishing the masterpiece that is Bitchin *chef kiss* but also getting the final chapter out when you were hoping. Every little win should be celebrated so make sure to give yourself some credit x
bitchin 10 asks (finally!)
thefouranemoi said: just finished bitchin! it was soooooos soooooooooo good! im a sucker for a really good slow burn but this wasn't dragged out or overly dramatic. it was perfect and im so glad y/n and jk have each other. thank you for such a series!
sadlemonboy said: i read bitch’n 10 on the bus and was trying so hard to just not cry. i was so good i love it so much. just like thank you
Anonymous said: WHAT'S WITH YARA AND TAE??? ARE THEY TOGETHER??? WILL WE EVER KNOW???
Anonymous said: Buttt just out of curiosity what happened with Yara and Taee, did they became fvckbuddies or smth
forvever-ddaeng said: STOP IM FUCKING SAD ITS OVER :( WHEN I READ “I SLEPT WITH ERIK” I WANTED TO STAB MY EYES OUT LIKE WTF BUT THE PAPER WAS HONESTLY SO FUCKING CUTE IM SO HAPPY WITH HOW THIS TURNED OUT I LOVE YOU AND YOUR BRAIN 🥺 p.s. do you think you’d ever do a drabble or epilogue where we get more of yara and tae? Totally cool if you don’t want to I was just wondering
O.O
Anonymous said: BITCHIN PART 10 WAS SO GOOD!!!! I WAS CRYING LAST MIGHT, THINKING THAT Y/N AND JK WERE JUST GOING TO PART WAYS,,,,HEKDHBFKD FUCKIN HAD ME SCARED. OMG SUCH A GOOD SERIES!!!!! I CAN'T WAIT FOR THE NEXT ONE.
Anonymous said: AHHH I LOVED BITCHIN SO MUCH!!! This has always been one of my favorite fics right from the beginning and probably will always be one of my favorites. You did such an amazing job. I’m sad Bitchin era is over but I’m excited for whatever era that will be next:) Thank you for writing this, ILY
Anonymous said: THANK U FOR BITCHIN IT WAS AMAZING
Anonymous said: Bitchin was one wild ride 😭😭 I loved it and can’t wait for more of your rewind series 🥺💕💕
Anonymous said: 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺💜💜💜😩😩😩😩- my reaction to bitchin final (for now)
Anonymous said: REST IN PEACE BITCHIN AAAAKAAKK.,?!@ FOREVER IN MY HEART GOD DAMMIT I CANT STOPCRYING ARE U HAPPY ROSE DID U LIKE CRUSHING MY FEELINGS LIKE THIS OIOOHNMY GOD 😭😭😭😭
jessiejellybean said: The only thing I can say about bitchin finale is GAJSOSLALHSISSAOWLLANSHSJAKA SERIOUSLY ITS SO GOOD THIS SERIES AS A WHOLE IS UNBELIEVABLY GOOD 10/10 WOULD RECOMMEND
Anonymous said: bitchin was so good😭 i am BEYOND devastated knowing that ill no longer be getting notifs on another update🥺it was so fun to be a part of this journey consisting of having to anticipate for another part to be posted for as long a month! but never have i regretted any second of waiting bcs the result came out so well written and interesting u might as well make it into a hard copy or a movie and get paid loads🤩 keep up the good work❤️
Anonymous said: Funnily enough, you were the first EVER bts blog that I followed because I thought you were funny as hell. Then, you posted part 1 of bitchin and on god I swear I signed my life away for bitchin!jk 🤡. I've officially lived through an era 🥺🥺. I'll miss them but I'll always be the biggest yaraxtae whore 🥵💦 -♒
sydney--chan said: This might sounds totally stupid or whatever, but bitchin' means a lot to me and I'm so happy that you decided to share it with us. Not to get all sad n shit but I started reading this during a really rough period in my life. This story allowed me to forget about all the stuff that was going on, even for just a little bit. This story means so much to me and seeing it end is like making me 😭😭😭 this is the perfect story and I love you and thank you for creating such a beautiful story
Anonymous said: THAT WAS SO GOOOOOOOD the way u wrote about jungkook’s feelings tugged at my heartstrings like my heart physcially legitimately hurt ur writing was so spot on!! all the details!! Totally worth staying up even though i have class tm
Anonymous said: miss rose i just wanted to stop by and say thank you for always giving us such masterpieces. as a jk whore (ot7 whore in general but ya know) bitchin was just *chefs kiss* i literally looked forward to Sundays bc I knew there was a chance a new chapter would be posted lol. I am sad to see bitchin end but am also suuuuper excited to support your new fics and anything else you come out with. you’re the best. love ya 💕
Anonymous said: Bitchin' 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 I'm going to say this for the umpteenth time... IT WAS SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO GOOD. It's one of the best fanfictions out there and I'm gonna re-read it at least five more times. Thank you so much for blessing us with this bounty! Take care! 💜💜
koru-rhi said: I should really be asleep but I had to finish Bitchin & I went back and reread it from the beginning to the end and I just want you to know how much I loved it! It was a beautiful smuttyfluffyangsty ride and I can’t wait to read more of your writing! I totally lost it at Everything I Didn’t Say 😫 btw.
Anonymous said: Wow bitchin is over... what is there to look forward to now on this app :(
Anonymous said: I AM NOT CRYING, YOU ARE ALL CRYING I CNA IT THE END DNDMSM MY POOR HEART. AGHHHH SNAMAMA PLEASE,WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME. YOU ARE KILLING ME. I DON'T KNOW IF I AM SAD OR HAPPY OR BOTH.
Anonymous said: UGH! bitchin 10 was amazing *chef’s kiss* I sobbed, I felt their earnest love for each other. A real roller coaster just like my emotions rn. Ngl I sound like a middle aged white mom giving a book review 💀 anygays I just wanted to say that I love ur stories and they’re always so well written
betysotelo18 said: Bitchin'...has me in tears! For some reason I thought this was going to have smut...Who needs smut! This was PERFECT! The damn piece of paper made tears roll down my cheeks! I loved every single chapter. Thanks for sharing
deewhalien21 said: Waiting bitchin part 10 was hell, couldn’t imagine living without them now😔 I’m going to miss them, like a lot. And thank u for good memories with these people mam, thank u for making me experiencing heart break that I could never have. I’m waiting another great stories❤️😔
lalumaia said: That was just perfect, Rose. Thank you, I love you
Anonymous said: hi, bitchin was soooo good and every time you uploaded i felt so happy and excited for the next one, thank you for all your work!
Anonymous said: when i saw the warning said “angst” i was so worried they wouldn’t end up together :( thank you for this rose this was such a beautiful story and experience!!! love u lots angel
Anonymous said: ROSE HOLY SHIT THAT WAS SO GOOD !!!!!!!!
unknowntalesx said: ROSE IM CRYING WHAT THE FUCK I LOVED THAT SO MUCH MY HEART WAS BEING SQUEEZED AND TORN AND I HAD/HAVE LITERAL TEARS RUNNING DOWN MY FACE
Anonymous said: OMG CANT BELIEVE BITCHIN IS OVER 😭😭 i loved everything from the beginning till the end 💜 THANK U FOR WRITING SUCH AMAZING STORY
Anonymous said: On god bitchin is the best series I’ve ever read on this app. The ending was great too! Just sad that it’s over :( thanks for writing it
Anonymous said: FAM YOU GOT ME CRYING IN THE CLUB WITH BITCHIN PT. 10! I absolutely adore your work so much and Bitchin was absolutely beautiful and so fantastic to read. I love it and you so much! Thank you for giving us something so beautiful ❤️ P.S. now take a long break girl because you deserve it
Hi friends! I can’t even begin to explain how much every single comment/like/reblog/ask in regards to bitchin has meant to me
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DEC 01 2020
Well, it is now December. My mind has been all over the place lately and I, like most people I assume, have kind of been struggling. I havent written about it but Christian and I were sued for 18 thousand dollars by an old landlord in damages we didnt commit and have been preparing for a 2 day trial. Its been a year and a half long process, but last week we finally finished out trial. It was incredibely stressful leading up to it, but the trial went very well and I feel proud that I was able to keep my anxiety under control, and when I was on the stand I was able to think clearly and speak calmly. It also was pretty entertaining to see the judge rip apart our old landlord. We wont have an official decision for a few months, so Im sure Ill write something then.
Anyways, we got home from our court battles and I still had some time off work. I knew I was supposed to relax but I feel like I cant. Dont get me wrong I am so relieved that stress is over, but I am still feeling off. I have been off work for over a week now and am going back tonight. Work has been pretty good, I really like a lot of my coworkers but I still get nervous before every shift now that Im back doing labours ans the fear of "what if something goes wrong, what if I dont handle it well". The more I work the more that fear is lessened, but it has been over a week, so I am nervous to go back tonight. Im also getting a lot more nervous about COVID now that Alberta is the hot spot and things are just soo much worse.
I want to spend Christmas with my family so badly. We havent seen Christians family in almost a year, and now were engaged, and I really want to celebrate that with them. I know theyre all so excited. Well see what happens. I am only working the first 12 days this month then took the rest off so that I can isolate completely before hopefully seeing them at Christmas. I think thats what Im most sad about now, and I know were all going through the same thing in that regard. After a hard year for everyone, not being able to see family at Christmas would really make this year suck.. (but i guess were in Alberta, so well probably be allowed to meet them at a casino?)
Our wedding is 7 months away!!! Its actually coming up prettg fast, and Im trying to use that as a light at the end of the tunnel. Unfortunately I cant really plan until we go to the farm and measure everything out to decide on guest list and the size of tents etc. Another reason I am really hoping we can go up north for Christmas. If we cant then its going to be pretty tough to plan.
Thats about it for now. My mind is feeling so jumbled, but for now Im just going to focus on my 2 weeks of work and then will try to relax.
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“ My Reiki and Yoga New Free Soul Brother - Once an abuser manipulative thieve , money driven leach “
Well thats a big tittle to describe one person entirely. So my ( midle ) brother across my kid years and then teenager developing to adult, my brother was an interesting person. For example, in school my brother would pretend he didnt know me , and if i even dared to aproach him he would shame me in front of everyone, even thought they already knew i was his sister, i was bullied a lot in school so at the start i tried a few times reaching out to him , specially because i didnt have any friends and id always be alone. This motherfucker who was already a teenager completly dismissed me , BUT would actually seek me out or talk to me when he needed lunch money because he already “ spent his”, funny enough hed get mine to eat coz he didnt wanna use his, and if i didnt gave him even though i hadnt eaten , he would guilty me badly , and being the kid that i was , my brother was everything to me , even tho he didnt gave a shit about me.
So in consequence i started drawing a distance line between me and him, at home id start to distance myself and ignore him. And he started getting like a really attention whore, hed always annoye me , and force me to hangout, and i didnt he would threaten me or do some shit at the house and blame me for it , because my mother at the tinniest shit at home would beat the crap out of me , so me being the little kid that i was tired of getting beatings for no random reason , id play along. My brother would literally antagonzie me and scare the shit out of me while so. Everytime my family went anywhere , for example the beach, id try to go to the water alone for some peace this motherfucker would sneak behind me and try to drown me as a joke , like every 5 minutes, id yell in panic and my mom wouldnt do shit, eventually id end up actually chocking on water and hit my head on the sand and cry the rest of the time. So yeah FUN ! Did my mom do anything ? ofc no , “ hes just playing around “. I had BD collections that id buy with my lunch money that sometimes id save up, disney movie cassettes and so on. Sometimes id have snacks in my room to eat when studying or something. My brother, being a full grown ass teenager that he was , would steal everything without me even catching a glimpse of it. My brother would “ borrow “ things without asking then hide them because he wanted. I had two final fantasy collectible caracters that i spent my leftover bday money on, and my brother would take it as his own. Yes because whatever birthday money i got wether it be 50 euros or even 20 from my grandma or aunt, my mom would take it “ borrowed” for herself with no justification, shed always say “ Ah lend me i need it / or / I always buy you clothes and everythings, i buy you food , you owe me this , thats the minimum you could do / “ or / she would just take it without me knowing , she would inspect my bday gifts and take it before hand , the problem is that my grandma or aunt would always after if i was gonna save it up and id ask what and they would question what i did with the money and i would ask what money and blah blah , you get where this is going.
OH and if i didnt give my money the money she would beat me up ! wich is funny asf. My brother literally sold all my things behind my back, my original BDS, MY FUCKING POISON IVY STORYLINE BD, my disney cassetes , my collectibles, and my snacks he would steal and eat. If i had saved up money hidden, first he would try to borrow it and guilty me with the “ im such a good brother to you , you cant even lend me money ? i will pay you back, trust me “ ... ofc he never payed me back , but every two weeks he woul do this shit. And if i by any chance didnt gave him , hed just steal, or sell my things, wich regardless of me lending him , he would do it anyway. Fast forward to my early teenage years, i had to start working , i quit school because we entered that internet deth with my moms company, wich my brother also contributed to but let the blame to me ofc, i was already the punch bag of the family what is one more thing. My brothers were always my moms “ babies “ even tho one was already a full grown ass man and the other was already on his way. My brother did nothing at home , didnt take the dog outside, didnt take out the trash, didnt make food, didnt wash the dishes, didnt clean the house, basicly sit on his ass all day playing video games and eating, and selling my shit for money. My brother was unemployed for 3/4 years in between those i studied and worked at the same time , and did all the house chores, even if i had to walk the dog as 2/3 am after work i would have to, even tho my brother was in bed all day. My mom would literally yell at me and make my life a living hell and threaten to hit me if i didnt do it or even dared to complain. I would get home trying to study , trying to recorver at school ,and she would yell non stop until i didn every house chore, wich i would only manage to finish at midnight or later, and then id be too tired and unmotivated to do anything so id just sleep, and id always get late to class thanks to that. When my brothers started working, it was at my dads wearehouse, where i was forced to work too. Id work 8 to 10 hours , sometimes more, because we got payed by publicity stock packs, each pack was worth 1 euro, wich also 1 pack took 1 hour and 15/20 minutes to make. So if i wanted to make the day worth anything i had to rush , no eating breaks or pee breakes. My hands at the end of the day would literally be filled with newspaper and printed paper ink and dirk, and tons of cuts and sores , that would be leeched in paper ink, wich make it hurt even more at the end of the day, and was really hard to take it out. My brother would take breaks every 30 minutes to smoke , be on his phone or even go to bathroom or eat randomly, i wouldnt stop the 8 hours straight, and when i actually had to go to the bathroom or eat something because id get sick, my brother literally stole packs from me, or try to “ negociate my help for X “, the thing about my brother is that hed always try to negociate something , ofc it was always entangled for his own benefit and not both.
So it was like this my brother came up to me all excited and say “ oh if you do this to help me , ill split the profit that way we will make more and will be less exausting “ stupid like i was id always give in, specially because if i didnt hed steal anyway.... Hed always change his methods and works, and guilty me if i didnt do it, so id always have to do so. If i didnt hed just change the pack registration list either way, without me even seeing it, and fake my signature, i only found out we had to sign an official paper a few months later when my dad asked, before that my brother would always tell me to note them on my phone then send the numbers by the end of the week, and since he was the bosses son , every one backed up that story ofc. Eventually when i started to get older , i cut ties with my brothers and dad. And my ( midle ) brother was constantly trying to reach out and play nice and shit , also he was still working at the wearhouse . Anyway , fast forward when i got unemployed after the 5 star hotel due to rape attent and shit like that, i was unemplyoyed for 4 moths?! My brother tried to reach out , and even came home before my mother to try and persuade me to enter one of his schemes, i explained to my brother that i didnt have any money and that i wouldnt believe anymore of his stupid schemes and blah blah. He swore he was only trying to make up to me , and the plan was , i would pretend to work at my dads wearehouse, but i would just be there 2 times a week and he would give me a cut of the protfit, coz if he didnt want my dad to hire some random slow guy, so he set up to do a two persons work, and give me 30 % of the monthy rate and all i had to do is show up a few times for my dad to see i was there, and then go home. That motherfucker insisted for 3 days straight promissing it wasnt a scheme and that he was serious this time. OBVIOUSLY THAT DIDNT HAPPEN OBVIOUSLY- with the last 10 euros i had, i bought train tickers to the wearhouse, the first week he actually stick to his word, a few days later the shit started, he actualy forced me to deliver shit and stuff. Wich for me was really difficult because its when i started to develop hernias, and the pain was too overwhealming, and that fucker didnt care and still forced me to, eventually i told him i was out , and found out he still used my name in his shit plan and pretended i was still working there to my dad for two whole months , and then begged me to lie to my dad on the phone, hed literally call me before my dad trying to get me to lie, and promissing the money, and hed ask my mom to pressure my to help him. What could i do??!! what happend after you may ask? did my brother gave me the money? OFC NO ! NO! He gave me 115 euros of the cut , and he made 996 euros to himself. And told me it was only for the days “ i actually worked “ NEVER IN MY LIFE I VERBALLY EVER SAID TO ANYONE , FAMILY OR NOT “ I hope you die, you are shit , you are nothing to me , seriously i hope you die “ and acually meant it and wished it. For the first time in my life i actually wished so hard for my brother to just die. I was done, i was officialy done , i had never been so done with someone. I was officialy done with my family. I blocked my dad on everything, i told my dad to fuck off. I told my older brother to fuck off. I told my middle brother to go die. And the last person was my dying grandma who was a snob ass piece of shit who only gave a shit about me when i was a little girl ( because its only cute when they r kids ), to stop trying to call me and told her to just go and die. She literally sent me a voice message of 5 minutes crying beggin me to see her, and i just told her to go and die, its not because she is dying that is gonna erase the fact that she didnt gave a shit about me after i actually grown. And the fact that i did this apparently scared the shit out my dad and brothes, specially because i did it so naturally. AND TO THIS DAY I DONT REGRET WHAT I SAID AND I STILL DONT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT HER. OH AND PLOT TWIST SHES NOT DEAD NOR WAS SHE DYING, LAST YEAR SHE TRIED TO SCHEME MONEY OUT OF MY MOM, AND BEFORE THAT SHE WOULD ALWAYS TREAT MY MOM LIKE SHIT AN CALL HER NAMES, FUNNY ! Now they try to sneak into my life really AGAIN ... ffs Since the end of last year, apparently my brother turned into reiki and yoga and shit and is now driving a motivational fuck page for people who wanna “ grow spiritually and open the third eye “ and is trying to reconnect with me again, obviously i cut him off before he could even talk to me. So he spent 3 months or so , coming here and trying, and since he didnt get anything since january and february hes trying to manipulate me behind my mother, my mother is venting to my brother about me being closed off to them , and my brother is DIAGNOSING ME AS A PROBLEM, BECAUSE HE IS SO WISE AND ENLIGHTED... WTF??? diagnosing me??? ur not a fucking therapist you asshole ! The other day i heard him tell my mother in the living room , that “ SHE CANT LIVE LIKE THIS ITS VERY TOXIC FOR HER, SHE HAS TO TALK TO YOU AND BE A BETTER SISTER AND DAUGHTER SHE NEEDS TO BLAH BLAH YOU NEED TO KICK HER OUT IF SHE IS LIVING OFF YOU “ WHAT THE FUCK?? im living off my mother?? the woman that forced me to give her more than half of my paycheck, thats doesnt give me privacy or respect and that literally threatned me if i ever tried to leave that she would chase me down???????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OR SEND ME TO A MENTAL HOSPITAL????!!!! ... My older brother is doing the same, keeps trying to get me to go visit his kid, and to meet his kid, keeps trying to get my mother to see pictures of the kid or to call them. They keep trying to guilty me “ oh you cant take it out on the kid, its not the kids fault , he needs to know his aunt, you are his family “ BITCH FAMILY?????? FAMILY??? family doesnt mean shit. Yesterday even sent photos of his kid trought a new number LOL. I actually did went to the kids birthday, first time a few months ago, and guess what , my brother still the NO ONE ASKED- OPINIONATED asshole he was about my whole life, he literally takes one glimpse of me and judges my whole life and starts yelling shit at me ...ofc thats not gonna happend again. People dont change. People. dont. change. PEOPLE DONT CHANGE ! BITCH ?? WHAT? WHO THE FCK?? HOW THE FUCK??? In conclusion my brother is still the same piece of shit he was , and now even more narcisistic, and manipulative, he cant get what he wants from me , so now hes resourting to my mother again. I NEED TO LEAVE THIS HOUSE, I NEED TO LEAVE THIS FAMILY OMFG. Funny enough he does this shit then tries to get me to go to his house to celebrate his birthday because he “ MISSES ME AND THE OLD DAYS” ???? OLD DAYS OF YOU MENTALY ABUSING ME ? NOT TO MENTION THAT YOU ALMOST BROKE MY ARM BECAUSE I WOULDNT LEND YOU MY COMPUTER 3 YEARS AGO????? my mom literally told him we were gonna go there without even asking me if i wanted or even if i was gonna go. LOL, shes trying to emotionally manipulate me with older pictures of me and him , and games we would play together LOL. OMFG PLEASE SOME ONE, I DONT EVEN KNOW I NEED TO DIE OMFG... I CANT TAKE THIS FAMILY ANYMORE.
#self#toughts#abuse#abusive mother#abusive family#abusive relationship#abusive brother#mental abuse#abusive behaviour#domestic violence#domestic abuse#toxic#manipulation#manipulative#toxic mother#toxic behaviour#toxic brother#toxic family#narcisist#mysoginy#my shit family#depression#anxiety#suicide#end my life#end my misery#end my suffering#End my pain#END MY FUCKING LIFE#i cant even
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valentine’s day - i.f
word count: 1294
let’s stop sleeping on Ilya guys, we need more Gifs for heaven sake!
Ilya was famous for getting so drunk he would puke his guts out, and even more so making horrible decisions while under the influence. The 23 year old was reckless, but part of you loved that about him. He didn’t care what people thought and he went with the flow of everything. So when your older brother David decided to throw a Valentine's day party, you had no choice but to attend, you did live with him after all.
Your close friend, James Charles had agreed to do your make up for the party, also getting a video out of it for his youtube channel which was a win for the both of you. So early in the morning you drove to James’ new house and the two of you instantly got to work. You decided to bring your outfit with you so you could change before you left and James would be in no rush to finish your makeup. “Hi sisters! James Charles here and welcome back to my youtube channel! As you can see, today I’m joined with David Dobrik’s little sister and one of my closest friends, (Y/N)!” James introduced making you smile and wave at the camera. “So for today,s video we’re going to be giving sister (Y/N) a fab glam look for the valentines day party she will be attending tonight. I offered to do her makeup because it was the perfect opportunity to see my amazing sister again,” James said quickly making you laugh.
“I’m excited to be here,” you said finally. After the intro was done you and James jumped right into the video, you were mostly silent but would answer any questions that James had for you and would carry on small conversations every once and awhile. “Your viewers probably think I hate you,” you finally said to James breaking the silence. The both of you laughed and James shook his head. “Don’t worry about that,” he told you. “Disclaimer guys, (Y/N) is a naturally quiet and reserved person. It’s honestly a shock that she does like me because i’m always so in your face and loud, but she does tend to bring out a more relaxed side of me,” James said to the camera making you smile. “Thanks sister,” you grinned.
After about another hour and a half James was done with his look and finally revealed it to you. ‘Oh my god! James this is amazing thank you!” you said bringing the boy into a hug. James grinned and the two of you quickly filmed the outro before his assistance turned off the camera and then the two of you started to lounge around in James’ bedroom for a bit until you officially had to get ready for the party. “Are you sure you don’t want to come?” you asked James as you looked over your outfit once more. You wore a simple black denim skirt with a red bodysuit from Victoria Secret with a black leather jacket overtop. Your hair was in loose curls and James quickly checked over your make up once more, touching up your highlight quickly.
“I have some work that I need to do, so you go and have fun for the both of us,” he said with a smile. “Thank you, James,” you said giving him a smile and a hug. Before you walked out of the house you put on a pair of white ankle converse and walked out of the house with a final wave. You quickly got into your car and started driving back to yours and David’s house, blasting music as you went. Finally, when you got back home you could already see that the driveway was full and it even went out onto the street. You sighed and parked your car at the end of the road before walking to your house and opening the front door.
“Baby!” Zane slurred and rushing towards you. You laughed at him and opened your eyes for the drunk man. He jumped into your arms and wrapped one of his legs around your waist making you laugh. “So, who’s your valentine?” he asked pulling away from you, you looked up to your friend confused. “Zane, sweetie, I don’t have one,” you told him with a chuckle.
“Yes she does!” the familiar slur of Ilya exclaimed. The man walked up and wrapped his arm around your shoulder bringing you into his side. “He’s right here,” he said proudly. You laughed and removed his arm from your shoulders. “Okay hot shot,” you said before finally walking away from the front door. The doors were open to the backyard, and the house seemed bigger than what it actually was because of this. “Hey Dima!” you said spotting the man, you wrapped your arms around him in greeting. Ilya and Dima had flown in today and it wasn’t always that Dima joined Ilya so it made you happy to see him. “Hey (Y/N),” Dima said with a smile, his eyes glossy from the alcohol.
Soon you found yourself being forced to dance with a drunk Zane. The man started twerking on you which made you laugh loudly and cheer him on. “Go Zane! Go Zane!” you giggle. Despite all the drunk people in the house, it seemed that you and your brother were the only sober ones. Your brother didn’t like drinking and you were only twenty so you couldn’t legally drink. After dancing with Zane you left him with Heath and walked to the kitchen. You pulled open the fridge and grabbed a bottle of water, opening the bottle and leaning against the counter watching everyone drink and dance together.
From the corner of your eye you watched as Ilya walked up to you, slightly stumbling. “Why are you alone?” Ilya asked leaning beside you. You shrugged and took a sip of water. “I was dancing with Zane, but he really tired me out,” you laughed looking up to the man beside you. Ilya smiled back before getting himself a bottle of water from the fridge. “What? No beer?” you asked raising an eyebrow at him.
“You’re sober. I figured tonight could be a night to actually remember,” he said looking at you sheepishly. A slightly blush rose to your cheeks and you nodded your head slightly. “Hey, I have something I want to show you,” Ilya said after a few moments of silence. “Okay,” you said putting the cap on your water. Ilya grabbed your hand which made you blush, but you still followed behind him.
You’ve had a crush on Ilya for as long as you’ve known him. You were always a blushing and stuttering mess which would always make everyone around you laugh. Ilya led you to your room which made you confused. When he opened the door you were speechless. Your room was covered in rose petals, lit candles, chocolates, balloons and bears. “Ilya,” you whispered in shock. Ilya looked down to you with hopeful eyes.
“Look, I’ve liked you for awhile now. And I get it if you don’t feel the same. I mean, I have to go back chicago so it won't be all fun and games, but I promise (Y/N) i will make this work. Will you be my girlfriend?” he asked you. You looked up at Ilya shocked. Without thinking you grabbed either side of his face and pressed your lips to his. “So i take that as a…”
“Yes Ilya, I’ll be your girlfriend,” you said making a large smile spread across his face. Ilya brought you into his arms and kissed the top of your head swaying you back and forth. You laughed at his antics but wrapped your arms around his waist nonetheless.
#ilya feddy imagine#ilya feddy#david dobrik imagine#david dobrik#toddy smith#toddy smith imagines#scotty sire#scotty sire imagine#josh peck imagine#josh peck#jason nash#jeff wittek#jeff wittek imagine#zane hijazi#zane hijazi imagine#heath hussar imagine#heath hussar#liza koshy#corrina kopf#vlog squad imagine#vlog squad
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ok time to do a great big masterpost of all the things going in my life. my archive is broken atm so like...idk if this will even be seen, by myself in the future.
so its official that my brother is getting married. he set the date for july 2020. shits fucking wild. like not only is it going to be 2020 next year but like my grownt ass brother is finally going to be out of the house. we love that? lol. anyways, he told me and my sister to expect his fiancee to ask us to be part of the bridal party which i am kinda excited for? idk. me and my brother have never been close and his fiancee is really nice but also not very close with my sister or myself so i was not expecting to be even thought about. its nice to know that i wont feel like a complete wallflower at the event, as selfish as it may sound.
i’m also set on starting my final semester at university in about 2 weeks. i was initially supposed to graduate this upcoming september and i was ready to go until i found out i was short a credit. at the time of finding out it devastated me but now i see it as a blessing. as much as i dont like being a student and find the whole experience dreadul the 5th time around, its kind of nice that my own adulthood has been postponed for at least 3 months. the semester will fly by and ill be finished by february. i havent given much thought of what exactly will happen after but i have a loose plan. i am going to go back to working full time, perhaps take a small vacation with my boyfriend, and scrimp and save for the rest of the summer and return to complete a certificate in human resources in the fall. i dont feel ready to jump into the job market with my degree, which is sad, considering the amount of money and time i’ve spent on it. but its whatever i guess. its honestly kind of depressing how having a bachelors degree holds no more merit, its just some sort of strage, ritualistic rite of passage every young person has to go through to get to the next stage of life. its quite literally a 4 year sojourn into existentialism, addiction, and mental illness with a few fun parties patched inbetween the breakdowns. when i started university i had some hopes to be an artist, and now im a churned out loser, looking to a business degree. i feel like such a wimp when i tell people my plans, and even i am not sure of the course i am taking. but whatever. i will never know unless i try it out for myself.
work has been a weird mix of a blessing and a curse. while almost every summer [albiet the last one] i have been grossly overworked, this is the first summer where i have achieved a really good balance of work and play. which is good for the mental health and relaxation aspect but kinda sucks when it comes to money. i work so close to home that some days, i leave my house 30 minutes before my shift starts as opposed to leaving 1h 45m before my shift begins at my old job. also, because im so close to work, i usually catch a ride from my dad or my brother, which has saved me quite a bit of busfare. the people i work with, the working conditions, and the job itself is also probably the nicest ive ever had it. my managers arent complete assholes, my coworkers mind their own business as do i, and even though the customers suck sometimes its not something that eats away at my soul like it has in the past. today i work a measley 4 hour shift but aside from the annoyance of getting there, its not that bad at all. i can see myself actually staying at this job for the next little while, unlike other places where i cant fathom to stay another day.
this summer, in a nutshell, has been a very peaceful one. i haven’t been as lonely as i have been in the past, although ive had dreadful periods of torment they did not define or ruin the good moments, and i have allowed myself to enjoy a variety of new experiences while also keeping my peace of mind a priority.
my boyfriend bought me a bike a few weeks ago and i have been making the effort of going on a ride almost every day. although the rides arent very long, and remain around the streets beside my house they have brought a new feeling and sense of enjoyment to my days. the past few weeks have not been very muggy either so its been nice to just allow myself to leave the stiff, airconditioned walls of my house and ride in the warm fresh air, and explore. i work up a sweat, but dont make the ride about exercising per se, which has been good for my fixative mind. im not riding my bike to burn calories, im riding my bike to enjoy the fresh air, to take my mind off of things, to challenge myself to make it up a hill, to sit on a park bench at dusk and watch the sunset. the gift of the bicycle may have been the greatest gift i have ever recieved. riding my bike has reminded me of the small joy of being able to leave the house, and feel a brisk wind tickle your ears, the sun shine lazily on your temples, to feel sweat bead on your back. it takes me back to when i was a kid, riding my bike for hours on end around the block with my friends, never daring to leave but always trying to move as fast as possible. it has also made me lament the period in which i forced myself not to ride anymore, in fear of being looked at, or in fear of sweating.
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