#IM DEVASTATED IDK WHAT TO SAY EVEN

[hheeluv]

KAYLA PLEASE

The Murder House | Pt. Three

𝒎𝒂𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒕/𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒓𝒐 | 𝒑𝒕. 𝒐𝒏𝒆 | 𝒑𝒕. 𝒕𝒘𝒐 | 𝒑𝒕. 𝒕𝒉𝒓𝒆𝒆

「synopsis」 : everything seems to be going downhill at a rapid pace and nothing is going right and you've already suffered the loss of two friends, but the mastermind behind this doesn't seem to be satisfied just yet. another test is throw your way but things are starting to become more clear and you're realizing that the culprit has been with you the whole time... but will you be able to stop him and escape this hell house with your lives intact?

「word count」 : 10.5k

「genre」 : horror/thriller, gore, angst, psychological thriller, mystery

「warnings」 : MINORS DO NOT INTERACT!!!, cussing, even more 'games', blood, violence, gore, gun goes pew pew, poisoning, betrayal, gaslighting, familial issues, mentions of abuse (mental & physical), knife goes stabby, threats, death, obsessive/stalker-ish behavior, mental health disorders, even more betrayal, traumatic events, police, pls lmk if I missed any!

“Riki, seriously, now is not the time for pranks; where are you?” You called out, eyes searching every inch of the room, but there was no sign of the boy anywhere. “Riki!” Your voice cracked as you tried to keep the tears in your eyes at bay.

Jay released his hold on your arm before walking over to the door to check and see if, by some miracle, it was unlocked. Though just as he had thought, it was locked tight, not a chance that it would open unless unlocked. Sighing, he backed away from it before looking around the room.

A soft click caught the silver-haired male's attention. However, you were too busy calling out for your brother in hopes that he was just playing some kind of prank on you.  Jay watched as a door off to the side started to open, the sight making the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. His feet seemed to have a mind of their own as he started to make his way to the door.

“Y/n.” He called out to you, causing your head to whip over in his direction, hoping that he had found some clue as to where your brother had been taken. Then you realize that that wasn’t the reason that he had called out to you.

“Jay, I swear to god, if you tell me to calm down, I will lose my shit.” You hissed, heart hammering in your chest. The last thing you needed was for him to dismiss your panic, much like Jake had done.

“No, no, I’m not going to.” He looked over at you, shocked that you would even think he would tell you that. “That door…” He pointed in the direction of the ajar door, “it just opened.”

Your eyes moved in the direction that he was pointing, seeing that a door was, in fact, opened. Without much of another thought, you made your way towards it, ignoring Jay’s calls for you to be careful. Pulling the door open, you walked inside but were met with more darkness. The only light was what the other room had to offer. Even in the darkness of the room, you could see what looked to be a table with chairs in the center.

“Y/n, jeez, you can’t just rush into random rooms when the door magically opens!” Jay exclaimed as he followed in behind you. However, the moment that he fully stepped into the room the door swung shut, the sound causing the both of you to jump. The older male mumbled a few curses before turning to check it, but of course, it was locked while your eyes stayed on his figure, and you could barely see in the dark.

Groaning, he drops his hand from the door and turns back towards you, telling you that it was locked, causing your heart to drop. Something about this situation seems a little too familiar to you. Before you could voice any of your thoughts, a spotlight turned on right over the table that you had seen earlier.

“Well, if it isn’t the love birds…” A voice cut through the air, causing a wave of dread to wash over both you and Jay, eyes on each other. “I must say, congratulations for making it this far would have been a bummer if you lost too soon.” The distortion of the voice only added to your unease, “Now, welcome to your final game!” Jay walked over to your side and grabbed your hand, lacing his fingers with yours as the both of you listened, “this time though…” the voice trailed on, causing the hairs on your arms to stand, “one of you will die, but there’s a catch.” Your ears started to ring at the sudden revelation while Jay’s blood ran cold, his grip on your hand growing tighter, “the fate of your lives falls into your hands, y/n, so make sure you choose wisely.” The voice said with a cheery tone, causing your body to go rigid, your head to reel, and your palms to grow sweaty. What did they mean that the fate of their lives fell into your hands? Before you could get too lost in your thoughts, the voice spoke once more, “Now take a seat, won’t you?”

For a moment, neither of you moved, feet rooted to the ground, but with some hesitancy, Jay moved forward, pulling you after him. Stepping up to the table, you could have sworn you felt every nerve ending in your body catch on fire.

There, lying in the center of the table, was a sleek black handgun.

Your mind started to spiral as you connected the dots on what lay ahead of both you and Jay. Your heart squeezed so hard that you were sure it just might pop, followed by the insistent ringing that dulled your sense of hearing. This is what they meant by the fate of your life sitting in your hands: You were going to have to make a choice. No, you weren’t going to; there was no way that you could.

“No. I’m not doing that, you can’t-”

“Y/n?” Your blood ran frigid in your veins as that sound of your brother's voice flowed through the speakers, “Help me, please. I don’t know where I am.” There was so much fear in his shaky tone, and it brought tears to your eyes. He must be horrified right now, along with whoever it was that was doing all of this to you. Your heart started to hurt when you heard what sounded like small cries and sniffles through the speaker.

“Now sit,” The voice cut back, causing your head to snap up as the first few tears dripped from your eyelashes, “or your sweet little brother here dies; you wouldn’t want that now, would you y/n? To have another death on your hands?” 

Anger bubbled in your chest, hand balling into a fist, “fuck you asshole.” You seethed before releasing Jay’s hand to take a seat. Your heart continued to hammer underneath your ribs as you met Jay's eyes from the other side of the table. Jay’s face showcased all of his unease as he looked down at the gun before looking back at you. He wasn’t sure what to make of this situation, but he did know that this was going to be his final stop in this lifetime.

Merely seconds after your arms or sat on the armrest, straps come around one of your wrists while the other is left free. Jay, however, was rendered completely motionless, seeing as straps bound both of his wrists to the armrests.

“Ahhh, now that you’ve been seated, the game can begin.” The voice once again spoke, causing your body to jolt slightly; it was then followed by a laugh that struck fear into the depths of your soul. “One of you will live to see another light of day, and the other? Well, this is your final stop.” You could feel your body begin to shake as the words sunk in; Jay opened his mouth to try and say anything that might calm your nerves just a bit but was cut off, “Though y/n, I am quite curious, which is it going to be? Are you going to sacrifice your lover for yourself or yourself for your lover?”

You start shaking your head violently, refusing to touch the weapon that is laid before you, “No, I won’t be sacrificing anyone for anything, dammit! Just let us out.”

“Y/n, stop-” “No, Jay, I refuse to kill anyone, let alone myself!” You exclaim, staring at him with wide, teary eyes. There was an insufferable pain blooming in your chest as you looked at the man who sat across from you, a small, sad smile on his lips as if he had already accepted the fact that he could be the one dying here. “Jay, I don't want to do this. I can’t do this!”

“It would seem you have no other choice, y/n,” the voice spoke again, and you shouted no, fighting against your restraints. “You have ten minutes to decide, and if you don’t make a choice, well…” it was faint, but it rang in your ears, the sound of a gun clicking followed by a cry that sounded just like Riki, “or your brother dies.”

It was like time had slowed around you, the sounds becoming deafening as the weight of the reality you were living in started to drop on your shoulders. One of you was going to die here, and it was going to be your fault. Tears had long since started streaming down your cheeks, dripping down onto your lap as you looked at the metal death harbinger in front of you. The sound of your name being called causes you to lift your head, meeting Jay’s solemn gaze.

“Listen to me, it’s going to be okay.” He offered a small smile, but you couldn’t return it. 

How could he say that everything was going to be okay? How was any of this okay? Why isn’t he freaking out, begging you not to shoot him?

“Y/n, you’re going to have to shoot me.” Jay felt a punch to his gut when your face morphed into a look of horror. The last thing he ever wanted was to cause you any distress, to cause you to cry like you were before him without a way to comfort you. You then start shaking your head, refusing the idea. Even if you knew that the clock was ticking, you just couldn’t bring yourself to point that weapon at Jay. There was no way you were going to be able to end his life, not when he still had so much to look forward to. He was still in school, working his ass off to further his degree so he could do what he loved. You couldn’t sever that; you just couldn’t.

“Jay, I can’t.” You cried vision blurred due to the tears that built up on your waterline. 

“You have to, please y/n.” Jay’s voice cracked slightly as he tried to hold back the sobs that were building up in his lungs. “You have to get out so you can’t take care of your brother, to go and explore the world like you wanted, to finally be free from your parents. Y/n, you have to get out so you can move forward with your life; there’s so much you have to live for.” His words only brought more tears to your eyes, your heart lurching into your throat, “I don’t have that. All I have is you and the boys, and if I have to live a day without you, y/n… I don’t think I would be able to cope.”

His words felt like you had just been stabbed relentlessly in the heart; how could he say that? As if you would be able to cope? What about you? Does he truly think that you could just walk out of here and just move on with your life after killing him? Does he actually believe that you could move on with your life with that guilt in the back of your mind? 

“And you think I could?” Your voice was feeble, barely above a whisper.

Jay just shook his head, the tears finally breaking free from their hold, “you have to think about Riki, y/n. He wouldn’t be ab-”

“What about me, Jay?” Your voice raised in pitch as you tried to keep from completely breaking down, bringing your hand up to point to your chest, “how could you sit there and think that I would be okay if you died? And because I killed you, for fuck sake!” 

Jay flinched slightly at your tone, but he wasn’t going to budge. There was no way he could; you needed to get out. Needed to live the life you were never given the chance to.

“Time is running out, y/n; just shoot me, please.” Jay sat up straight as he watched you look at him in complete disbelief. It felt as if millions of tiny little needles were puncturing his heart as he watched you break down completely.

“Jay-” “Just shoot me y/n!” Jay’s tone was as sharp as a freshly sharpened knife that had just sliced into your entire being. 

Everything started to feel numb as you stared at the gun, tears still falling from your lashes. Was this how it was going to end? With you getting your friend's blood on your hands? Is this really what your life has come to?

Your ears began to ring as you reached forward to grab the weapon, the metal cool under your fingertips. All of the air left your lungs as you picked it up, the weight of it in your palm unsettling. The hairs on your arm were standing straight as you looked at the gun closer; there was no doubt in your mind that it had been loaded. Ready for you to use it to end a life.

“I really wished that I could have done this when we got out, but I won’t be able to.” Jay started, causing you to tear your gaze away from the gun, “But I love you, god, I love you, y/n, and I am so sorry that we can’t spend the rest of our lives together.” 

It was those words that left your world crumbling. The man before you, the very man that you had fallen so deeply in love with, had just told you that he loved you. Yet you couldn’t bring yourself to be happy. Your heart was shattering; piece by piece, it was starting to crumble viciously, being stabbed. Your throat felt so tight that it was like your body was trying to deprive itself of the oxygen that you needed. Pain washed over your still body like a rock stuck on a seashore, waves washing over it without a hint of remorse.

There was no way that you were going to be able to aim this gun and pull the trigger. You couldn’t end a man's life, let alone the love of your life. 

Noticing your hesitation, Jay calls out to you, barely gaining your attention. You are then reminded of the time that had been ticking down—minute by minute, second by second.

You had a choice to make.

“I’m sorry, Jay.” Your voice cracked as you lifted the heavy metal, aiming at the man in front of you, tears silently falling from your eyes. Jay just looked at you with nothing but adoration, love gleaming in his deep brown iris. “I love you too, I have always loved you…”

Closing your eyes, your mind starts to wander off to the memories that the two of you had created together, to the memories that you have made with all of your friends, and how they have brought so much joy into your life after you and Riki escaped your parents' house. Then you remembered the day that your dad had called only to berate you, leaving you in shambles, but then Jay was there.

“Hey, y/n, Riki was looking for – hey! Are you okay? What’s wrong?” He had come into the kitchen to ask you for something that your brother had been looking for but dropped everything when he found you curled up against the cabinets, tears streaming down your face.

You remember so vividly how he managed to stop your panic attack so quickly, and all it took was for him to distract you. Something that no one other than Riki had been able to do. It was then that your crush started to develop.

At first, you thought it would just be one of those fleeting emotions that would go away within a week, but it never did. From that day, it only grew until nothing, but Jay occupied your mind most days.

Then, the memory faded until it was black. It was gone from your mind, only to be replaced with another memory from the day you knew that you would be okay, the day you told yourself that you had finally found your home.

It was early summer so the weather was almost perfect to just sit outside and enjoy the cool breeze with the fire burning in the pit. Jay had brought his guitar ready to show everyone a new song that he had learned. Jake brought Layla with him because he knew that she loved being with everyone just as much as he did. Jungwon and Sunoo were bickering over how to roast a marshmallow completely, while Riki watched in amusement, a marshmallow of his own sitting over the flame until it completely melted off of the stick, causing everyone to burst out laughing. Sunghoon had been talking to Heeseung about the skating competition that he had just gotten back from the previous week. Heeseung didn’t know a thing about ice skating, but he was more than willing to just listen to the boy.

Then there was you.

You sat between your brother and Heeseung, listening to all of the laughter and soft voices that surrounded you. It brought tears to your eyes because you had never been sure that this was something that you could have, not with everything that had happened with your parents. You were so sure that you would still be stuck under their thumb, bending to their every whim, even if that meant you would lose yourself in the process. 

You had pinched yourself so many times that night, hardly believing that any of it was real. However, a peaceful night and a few bruises later, you knew that this was real. All of it was, and you finally felt at home. Safe and loved.

Opening your eyes once more, you looked at Jay; the gaze in your eyes was enough to tell him just how grateful you were. Your finger then wrapped around the trigger, and Jay closed his eyes, accepting the fate that had been bestowed upon him.

However, you refused to let it be the end for him. Your grip tightened on the handle of the weapon before letting out a shaky breath.

“Take care of Riki for me.” Your words caused the male’s eyes to shoot up, “I’m sorry.”

Ignoring the cries of protest that fell from the male’s lips, you turned the weapon around. The barrel pressed against your temple as you closed your eyes, accepting your fate.

Jungwon made it his goal to keep his distance from the other two, well more like Jake. Something about his behavior was rubbing the boy wrong. Noticing how far back he was, Jake turned with a small twitch in his lip.

“Everything okay back there, Won?” There was a tone of worry in his voice, but Jungwon found it hard to believe, and he met the daring gaze of the older male. His stomach churned, and his mouth went dry, too terrified to say anything. What if the moment he said something, he attacked either of them?

Sunghoon also looks back at Jungwon, worried that something might be wrong. However, Jungwon just swallowed thickly as the two of them stared at him.

“Oh, you know, doing just fine for being stuck in a psycho’s house.” Jungwon’s eyes shift over to Jake causing the older male’s jaw to clench, his eye twitching slightly. Sunghoon, however, didn't catch it and rolled his eyes.

“Is now really the time to be sarcastic?”

“Look, sarcasm is my only defense, alright? I have nothing else to offer.” Jungwon sassed back, causing Sunghoon to roll his eyes once more before they started moving once more.

After walking a few more feet, they came across a room that was wide open, and the light was already on. A sense of dread fell over Jungwon as he noticed this small detail. However, neither of the other two seemed to care as they walked right into the room. He slowly followed behind them, trying to ignore the ever-growing gut feeling that something bad was about to happen.

Not even seconds after they are all in the room, the door slams shut, and the lock clicks, causing Jungwon and Sunghoon to jump.

With wide, fear-stricken eyes, Sunghoon rushed over to the door, nearly knocking into Jungwon on the way over. His hand wrapped around the handle and jostled it, but it was no use; it was locked tight. Turning, he looked between Jake and Jungwon, telling them that it was locked, and before either of them could speak, a voice crackled through the speakers.

“Well, well, well, would you look at that…” The almost robotic voice sent a chill down Jungwon’s spine as he looked around the room, “we’ve caught three little mice in our trap; what fun!” Whoever it was chuckled, causing Sunghoon’s hands to clench by his sides, a glare adorning his features. Jungwon tried his best to see if he could decipher the voice and figure out who it was, but whoever it was made damn sure that they wouldn’t be able to tell. “Now, now, little mice, why don’t we play another game, hm?” Sunghoon moved to stand beside Jungwon, who glanced over at him, “You managed to make it this far, but I’m afraid for one of you, this will be the end of the line.��� The voice then chuckled again, causing a wave of dread to wash over both Sunghoon and Jungwon. “The best part of all of this? It’s all up to chance.” Just then, a spotlight clicked on, showcasing the desk and the three cups of red liquid that sat on top of it, “you’ll have ten minutes to pick your poison, and if you don’t, well, none of you will live to see the light of day again.” And with that, the voice stopped, and the speaker turned off, leaving the three boys to stand in complete silence.

Jake was the first to move towards the desk, causing Sunghoon to follow after him and Jungwon shortly after. The unease never lifted. How could he be sure that Jake wouldn’t make sure that one of them took the poison? Or was he just crazy, and Jake really wasn’t behind everything? There were so many questions that floated around the male brain; however, Jake reaching towards the cup caught his attention.

“I’ll take the one on the right,” Jake voiced as he grabbed the clear glass. Jungwon looked at him with a suspicious gaze. Jake then caught the younger boy’s eye and raised an eyebrow. " We only have ten minutes, so it’s best if we don’t waste time,” he told him as he brought the glass to his lip, downing the liquid in one fell swoop. Jungwon could not help but squint at him, his suspicions rising even further.

“He’s right,” Sunghoon nodded his head before grabbing the glass on the left, “and I’ll be damned if I’m the reason none of us make it out alive.” Then, before Jungwon could even protest, Sunghoon downed every last drop of the crimson liquid.

Jungwon’s heart was beating a million miles an hour as he watched Sunghoon set the cup back down. Nothing seemed to be wrong. Had he grabbed the safe glass along with Jake? Does that mean the last glass was the poison? Looking over at the last cup, Jungwon could have sworn he was going to be sick to his stomach.

Sweat started to accumulate on the boy’s forehead as he reluctantly grabbed the cup, looking down at the liquid inside. Was this really going to be the end of his life? A stupid idea of wiggling his way into going with everyone. He should have just stuck to his original plan of staying home and playing video games, yet here he was, on the brink of death. 

Although this might be his last ten minutes on earth, he couldn’t help but feel grateful for the life that he had lived. He hadn’t truly thought that he would make it out of his teen years if it wasn’t for meeting Sunoo in his junior year of high school after he transferred yet again. The blonde, who had been brunette back then, was the first person who offered the younger boy any kind of kindness. Sunoo had made it his goal to make sure the Jungwon was always included, even if it was someone as small as walking down the hall or sharing the snacks that he had bought. Then, just as things seemed to have started to flow smoothly, Jungwon met you at the grocery store. You had your headphones in and weren’t paying very good attention to those around you. You almost tripped over Jungwon, who had been crouched down to grab something on the shelf. If it wasn’t for his cat-like reflexes, you probably would have left with a nosebleed on top of the embarrassment you were already feeling.

“I am so so sorry, I wasn’t paying attention!” The amount of apologies that had fallen from your lips was almost too cute to Jungwon, causing the boy to laugh slightly. The sound, however, only caused your face to flush even more.

“It’s okay,” He smiled softly at you, and you couldn’t help but admire the dimples that adorned his cheeks, making a comment on them without realizing it, which only made your embarrassment grow tenfold. Laughing once more, the younger boy pointed over his shoulder, “Did you wanna walk together? Maybe I can help make sure you don’t trip over any more innocent bystanders.” He teased you relentlessly about that day but you had still chosen to walk with him, exchanging numbers after you grabbed everything you had needed. He had found another friendship that he cherished more than his own life, but now he had lost one of his friends, and he wasn’t even sure if he would have the other one by the time this hellhole ended.

Swallowing thickly, he brought the cup to his lips and started to pour the liquid into his mouth, the bitter taste causing him to winch. He had to keep himself from gagging as he swallowed. Once it was all gone, he looked down into the empty cup, waiting for the inevitable to come.

Coughing then started to fill the room, but it wasn’t coming from Jungwon. Both Jake and Jungwon’s heads snapped over to Sunghoon, who was doubled over, hand covering his mouth as he nearly coughed a lung up. His eyes were squeezed shut as he tried to get his breathing under control, but it became nearly impossible in a matter of seconds, and his throat started to swell up. Pulling his hand away from his mouth, he was petrified as blood pooled in the palm of his hand.

He was dying.

The poison was in the cup he had chosen, the very cup that was bringing him to his end. Jungwon panicked, dropping his glass to rush over to Sunghoon.

“Shit! Sunghoon, make yourself throw up! You can get the poison out of your stomach!” Jungwon exclaimed, trying to get the older male to look at him, but Sunghoon’s ears were ringing far too loud to hear anything. Jake just sat his glass down leisurely before crossing his arms over his chest as he leaned against the desk.

“That’s not going to help him, not now.” Jake shrugged his shoulders as he met Jungwon’s shocked gaze. “Oh, don’t act so surprised. I could tell that you knew.”

“You’re insane.” Jungwon seethed as he laid Sunghoon down when he stopped coughing, only to start wheezing. Jake’s smirk disappeared, only to be replaced by a glare, his upper lip pulling back a bit.

“I’m insane?” He stepped closer to Jungwon, who stood back on his feet, meeting Jake’s glare with his own. “You haven’t seen insane yet, but again, you won’t live to see it anyway.” Jake pointed right at the center of Jungwon’s chest, pushing him back slightly.

Sunghoon reached over to grab Jake’s leg, confused. Had his closest friend really been behind all of this? Jake’s glare shifted from Jungwon to the dying male on the ground, kicking his hand away with a sneer.

“And you, maybe I should have planted something of Jay’s on that damned hacker,” Jake growled as he crouched down, eyes trained on Sunghoon’s pained face. “I really thought I had everyone against you, but you just had to go and prove yourself.” The older male then reached out, moving a strand of Sunghoon’s hair, a sinister smirk on his lips, “No matter, y/n doesn’t trust you, and oh, that poor heartbroken face she’ll have after finding out you died.” A rush of excitement ran down Jake’s spine as he thought about the tear-streaked expression you would give him as he got to be the one to comfort you after this was said and done.

Sunghoon couldn’t believe what was happening. Had Jake really been behind all of this? Was he the one who killed the guy who was in your and Heeseung’s room? More and more questions started to cloud his fleeting mind.

Mustering up all of his courage, Sunghoon wheezed, “Why?”

“Why?” Jake chuckled, patting the younger’s cheek as he tilted his head, “I don’t really think that’s any of your concern.” He shrugged before moving away from Sunghoon, leaving him to lay there.

His vision was starting to flash in and out as he slowly started losing his ability to breathe. His lungs felt as if they had been set ablaze; every nerve ending felt like they were being pinched harshly. He was in extreme pain, but his body also felt numb. No matter how much he tried he couldn’t move at all, he was stuck. Paralyzed.

This wasn’t how he wanted things to end, not even close. He wanted to get out so he could apologize to you, to go and see Heeseung’s mother so he could comfort her after delivering the news of her son, to make things right. He wanted to do so much.

He wanted to grow old, meet his so-called soulmate, get married, and have all of his friends there with him. He wanted to make Heeseung his best man while having the rest of the guys as his groomsmen. Now? Even if he did somehow make it out alive, his best friend would be gone, and so would his other friends. 

The air was starting to become thinner as Sunghoon continued to fight to breathe; his eyes stung with tears, the salty liquid spilling from the corner of his eyes. He could see the faint outline of Jungwon, who was hovering over him, begging him to stay awake. Sunghoon tried to speak, but there was no way any words would make it out of his mouth, so he mustered all of his will and moved his hand. Jungwon quickly grabbed his hand, biting his tongue at how cold his skin felt already.

“I’m so sorry, Hoon,” Jungwon choked back sobs, squeezing the older male’s hand, and Sunghoon just shook his head. Well, tried to shake his head.

Sunghoon could feel the life draining from his body, his organs slowly shutting down, his heart slowing to a deathly low pace. Moments of his life flashed behind his eyelids, all of the happy, sad, angry, lonely moments replaying like a home film on VHS.

All of the time that he spent trying to get away from Heeseung in middle school was only for him to stick to him like glue, refusing to leave the younger boy alone. As much as he despised it at the time if you were to ask him now, he would say that he was forever grateful for Heeseung’s annoying persistence. Thanks to that, he found his best friend, a lifelong friend, and now they would be together again in the afterlife. 

He almost wanted to laugh when you flashed across his mind. Your first meeting, actually. The both of you had actually started off on the wrong foot. He was having a bad day; nothing seemed to be going his way, so he wanted to hang out with Heeseung. When he got there, you were just walking out of the older male’s apartment, not having seen Sunghoon, who, on the other hand, hadn’t seen you either because he was too busy looking at his phone. So when the two of you collided, it only added to his frustration, and he didn’t necessarily mean to snap at you. But he had cut you off mid-apology, his tone causing you to flinch slightly, a sight now that he regrets.

“Good god, would it be so hard to watch where the fuck you’re going.” He seethed, hand gripping his phone tightly. You looked up at him with wide eyes, completely taken aback by his reaction. However, your shock quickly morphed into anger.

“That’s rich coming from you, maybe you could have avoided me if your nose wasn’t stuck in your damn phone.” You had snapped back at him, causing him to recoil slightly, but Sunghoon was quick to brush it off and roll his eyes.

He muttered a quick ‘whatever’ before walking around you to Heeseung’s door knocking. You were still grumbling to yourself as you made it to your door across the hall. Though the call of your name caused you to turn to meet Heeseung’s eyes.

“This is Sunghoon, my best friend that I was telling you about.” Heeseung had introduced the two of you that day but quickly took note of the tension between the two of you. However, being the persistent one that he was, Heeseung made sure that the two of you apologized to each other, and before too long, it was just water under the bridge, and you became really good friends.

Sunghoon wondered if this is what they mean when they say your life flashes before your life. Was he going to see the light at the end of the tunnel next? That would be pretty cliche, huh? He wanted to laugh, but he felt completely detached from his body as his chest rose before falling for one last time before darkness consumed him completely.

Tears were streaming down Jungwon’s face when he felt Sunghoon’s hand go limp. He dropped the older male’s hand before reaching for his shoulders to shake him violently, hoping that he would open his eyes once more.

“Sunghoon! Wake up, please wake up!” He cried out, fingers digging into Sunghoon’s shirt. Jake just rolled his eyes before stepping over to the two, pushing Jungwon back with his foot.

“He’s dead, there’s nothing you can do.” Jake chuckled as he shoved his hands into his pockets, stepping over Sunghoon’s lifeless body. His head tilted slightly as a sinister smirk pulled on the corner of his lips. “It’s a shame I couldn’t pick something stronger. I really wanted one of you to suffer.” He let out a little sigh, taking another step closer to Jungwon, who quickly scooted back before scrambling to his feet. “No matter though, everything is almost done.”

Jungwon looked at the older male with wide, horrified eyes, “what?” He didn’t understand what was happening, let alone why it was happening.

“Well, you see, Jungwon, this little ‘game’ was merely a front to get rid of all of you.” Jake felt excitement bubble in his chest as he watched the younger boy stumble back as he tried to get away from Jake. “Once you’re all gone, y/n will finally be mine.”

Jungwon felt his stomach drop. It was no wonder he was reacting that way towards you and Jay or why he got so mad when you rejected his advances. He never took Jake to be the kind to become obsessive with a person; he was always laid back and never had a mean bone in his body. So, was all of that a lie? Was it just a front he put on to fool everyone?

Fear had completely engulfed the boy's mind as he looked around the room, trying to find any way out. Noticing this, Jake chuckled, shaking his head and causing Jungwon’s head to snap back towards him.

“Oh Jungwon, Jungwon, Jungwon…” Jake then pulled his hand out of his pocket with a flourish, and the knife he had sitting inside let the light gleam off of it. Jungwon’s heart lurched into his throat as he looked at the weapon before meeting Jake’s psychotic gaze. Moving quickly Jungwon put distance between himself and Jake by moving behind the desk.

“You're insane!” Jungwon seethed, shifting from foot to foot, trying to think if he’d make it to the door before Jake could grab him.

Jake’s face shifted into an evil snarl, fingers tightening around the hilt of the knife. His eyes twitched slightly, but it soon faded once he realized what Jungwon was planning on doing. He was going to make a break for the door, but he wouldn’t make it, even if he did.

It was still locked.

Then, just like he thought, the younger boy made a run for the door; however, Jake was one step ahead. Jake grabbed his arm, pulling Jungwon towards him. Jungwon let out a loud gasp when a searing pain spread through his abdomen. Eyes wide, he looks up at Jake, meeting his smut gaze.

“Poor little Wonnie…” Jake’s voice came out in a sing-song tone, twisting the knife he had plunged into the boy’s stomach, causing Jungwon’s mouth to fall agape, “no one is coming to save you.”

Jungwon’s ears started ringing loudly as he grabbed Jake’s arm, nails digging into his sleeve. He wanted to say something, anything. However, all of the words that were sitting on his tongue fizzled away. He knew Jake had hit a vital spot. He knew that his chances of making it out of this room alive were slim to none. He knew he would bleed out on this floor without a chance to do anything to help.

Jake twisted the knife once more, eliciting a pained cry from Jungwon’s parted lips. He then ripped the knife out, allowing Jungwon to drop to the ground. Jake then wiped the blood from the knife onto his pants before crouching down to look at Jungwon, who was fighting to keep his eyes open.

“Such a shame, really,” Jake propped his arm up on his leg, chin sitting in his palm next to the knife hilt. Jungwon winched as he tried to move, but the pain was far too much; his breathing became labored. “Should have just stayed home.”

With that, Jake stood back to his feet and stepped over the boy’s bleeding body. Jungwon’s eyes stayed glued to Jake’s back as he tried to fight off the darkness that was clouding his vision. He hoped that you could figure something out before Jake made it back to you, Jay, and Riki. 

Then, for the first time in a very long time, he prayed. He prayed that the rest of his friends would make it out alive, that they would be safe, and that Jake would face the consequences of his actions.

He took one last deep breath before his eyes fluttered closed, the darkness consuming him whole.

Your finger wrapped around the trigger, moments away from pulling it and ending your life. Your eyes squeezed shut tightly, causing more tears to spill from the corners. Jay thrashed about on the opposite side, screaming at you to pull the gun away.

Then, right before you pulled the trigger, you heard rushed footsteps and a hand wrapped around your wrist, harshly pulling the weapon away from your head.

“What the fuck is wrong with you y/n?” At the sound of your brother’s voice, your eyes snapped open, widely looking over at the younger boy who was still holding your wrist. You flinched when Riki ripped the gun out of your hand, “would you really rather sacrifice yourself for your damn friends than choose to save your own fucking brother?” 

Your eyebrows scrunched together; what did he mean? Had he really expected you to shoot one of your friends? And Jay, of all of them? Then it dawned on you… why was he here if the psycho behind all of this had him captive?

“What are you talking about, Riki? Why are yo-” You were cut off by the stomach churning laugh that fell from the younger boy’s lips, your heart started racing as a bad feeling settled in your gut.

Riki tossed your hand from his grip before pointing the gun at you with a crazed look in his eyes. Your breath hitched in your throat as you looked at the barrel of the weapon in front of you before letting your gaze travel up to meet your brothers.

“What am I talking about?” He laughed again, moving his index finger from the trigger to point at you, “I’m talking about how you would be so willing to leave me alone rather than sacrifice one damn friend.” Your heart was beating in your ears as you watched the insane gleam overtake Riki’s eyes, a sight you had never seen a day in your life.

You swallowed thickly trying to make sense of everything as well as come up with some kind of answer to give the boy, but your brain was coming up blank. Noticing that you weren’t going to say anything, Riki scoffed, rolling his eyes. Though before he could say anything, he saw Jay shift in the corner of his eye.

“How did you even get out? Is the guy com-”

“Shut the fuck up,” Riki growled as he turned towards the older male, finally giving Jay a chance to see the crazed look in his eyes. “You know none of this would have happened if you had just kept your hands to yourself.” The younger boy dropped the gun to his side, allowing you to let out a breath that was being held hostage in your lungs.

Jay felt as though he had been hit with whiplash as Riki revealed the cause of all of this. What had he meant when he said that it was his fault? What had he done that deserved any of this? And what did he mean by saying if he had kept his hands to himself? Confusion clouded the male’s brain, and the question of ‘what?’ slipped past his lips before he even had a chance to catch it.

Riki’s glare towards the older male deepened but then morphed into a psychotic smirk as he brought the gun up to his own head, tapping the barrel against his temple. “Why don’t you use that brain of yours?” Riki’s smirk pulled wider as Jay looked at him with wide, shocked eyes. “No matter, though, because everything will still work out in the end.”

Jay felt his blood run cold as he started to realize what it was that was actually happening right now. Why was Riki standing with them instead of wherever he was being held ‘captive.’ He had never been taken in the first place. No. He was the one behind all of the hell they had been put through. 

“You’ll just be another name in the book, while me?” Riki leans closer to Jay with a psychotic smile on his lips, “I’ll be the main attraction once more.” The boy then leans away before raising the gun to aim at Jay, and your heart drops.

You didn’t wanna believe that it was your brother who was behind all of this. There was no way that he could be. Right? He was just being used by the actual mastermind. Being told to do things because they were using something against him. That had to be it.

But why did he look so happy to point that gun at Jay?

“Riki, no!” It was like time slowed down; you reached forward, knocking Riki’s hand to the side just as he pulled the trigger. The gunshot rang throughout the room, causing your ears to ring as you looked over at Jay with wide eyes. He was okay.

Riki’s head snapped towards you, pure, unfiltered rage burning in his eyes. He slammed the gun down on the table in front of Jay before reaching towards you. It happened way too quick for you to registar what was going on. All you knew was that a pain erupted in your head as Riki grabbed the back of your head, slamming it on the table.

“You stupid bitch!” Riki seethed as he pulled your head back up, taking in your dazed eyes and the blood that was trickling down from the wound on your forehead.

Your ears were ringing so loudly as you tried your best to keep your vision focused, but black spots were clouding your sight. You could faintly hear Jay screaming at Riki to let you go, but it felt like you were standing under an ongoing train. 

“It wouldn’t have come to this if you had just kept your promise,” Riki growled before dropping your head just as your vision turned black, your body slumping on the table. Blood from your wound pools under your skin, matting your hair.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Jay thrashed around in his chair, his eyes flickering from your motionless body to Riki.

“Shut up.” Riki’s voice was cold and calm as he grabbed the gun, pointing it at Jay. His breath hitched in his throat as he stared at the barrel of the weapon, and he stopped moving completely. Riki then reached into his pocket before pulling out a small remote, “You try anything funny, and I won’t hesitate to blow holes into you and leave you here to bleed out.”

Jay felt a chill run down his spine as he looked at Riki. He knew that he wasn’t joking, seeing as he had already almost done that exact thing moments before. He nodded slowly, scared to make any quick, sudden movements.

Riki then released Jay, making him grab your still body before leaving the room, the gun still pointed at the back of his head.

Even with your eyes closed, it felt like your head was spinning, the light blinding even through your eyelids. A groan slipped past your parted lips as you tried to cover your eyes and blinked a few times. Only to realize that you couldn’t move your hands.

Panicked, your eyes shoot open, looking around the room. Where had you been taken? Because this wasn’t the same room you were previously in.

Then your eyes land on Jake. He was sitting by a table, his feet propped up on the surface cleaning the blade that was in his hands. The feeling of your eyes on him, Jake looked up, a wide smile spilling onto his lips.

“Well, good morning, there, sleeping beauty.” His voice was sickly sweet, and your stomach turned as you looked at him.

“Jake? Where am I?” You asked, your voice hoarse. 

Jake just made a ‘tsk’ sound as he stood on his feet, stabbing the knife into the table and making a loud thud, which caused you to jump. Fear started to etch into your bones as he stalked closer. Was he also a part of all of this? What happened to Sunghoon and Jungwon? Then you remembered that you were with Jay.

You started to move your head to look around the room for the silver-haired male, but Jake caught your chin between his thumb and forefinger. Your breath hitched in your throat as you met his eyes, a crazed gleam in them.

“It was about time you joined the party; it was getting pretty lonely without you.” His bottom lip jutted out as he looked over your face, “He couldn’t even last long enough for the real fun.” Jake sighed as he moved your head until your eyes landed on the male who was tied to a chair across from you.

Bile rose up your throat as you took in bloody and bruised. Jay was sitting there with his head hung low, eyes closed as blood slowly dripped from the tip of his nose. Was he even still breathing? What did they do to him?

Taking in the look of horror that was decorating your feature, he couldn’t help but chuckle slightly, “Does it disturb you?” He moved his hand away from your face before standing straight, “that’s a shame, red is such a pretty color.” His words caused your head to snap in his direction, staring at him with wide eyes.

How could he say that? Jay was one of his friends, so why the hell would he do this to him? You then started to remember little details that you had missed during the earlier times of this whole ordeal. How weird he had been acting in the room where Sunoo was killed. It was starting to make sense, but why?

Jake then moved away from you, making his way over to Jay and grabbing a fistful of his hair. You started to tug on your restraints forcefully, but it was no use; they were far too tight. Tears started to brim in your eyes as Jake tugged his head back, causing a groan to fall from the older’s lips. Jay’s eyes are open, his pupils dilating as he looks over at you, and your stomach turns once more. He had multiple cuts on his face, a black eye starting to form around his left eye, and you could clearly see the popped blood vessel that surrounded his iris.

“Say hi to your lover, boy,” Jake cranked Jay’s head further back, causing another groan to tear through his throat and a sob to leave yours. “Because as soon as Riki is back, he’ll be joining the others.” The smirk that was playing on Jake’s lips left a sense of dread to overtake your body.

Tears were streaming down your face as you looked at the brunette, “Why are you doing this?” You cried out, tears dripping from your chin. Jake just looked at you with a slightly tilted head like it was the weirdest question that you ever asked.

“I don’t really think you’re in any position to ask that question…” He trailed on as he shoved Jay’s head out of his hands, causing you to jump, and your eyes flickered over to the other male. Jake then walked back around Jay towards you, “This little fucker has bee-.”

Jake, however, was cut off when Riki walked into the room, eyes instantly narrowing into slits when he noticed how close Jake was to you, “Sit down, Jake.” His voice was cold, which only added to your unease, but what really shook you to your core was when Jake just rolled his eyes before moving towards the table.

Riki’s eyes then moved over to your teary eyes, his face relaxing a bit at the sight. He then walked over to you, reaching out to wipe your tears as he has done multiple times; this time, however, you flinched away from his touch.

“This will all be over soon, and we can go home.” He smiled and patted the top of your head, making you flinch once more. His words felt more sickening rather than comforting; what was he going to do? Was he going to kill Jay? Why?

Your trembling lips couldn’t seem to move as you watched in horror while Riki walked over to the table where Jake was sitting. He laid the handgun from earlier on the surface before grabbing the knife and pulling it from the wood.

“Now, be a good girl and just sit there and watch. You can do that, right?” Riki asked with a wicked smirk on his lips, the knife twirling in his hand. He then walked over to you with the knife outstretched, the point merely inches away from your face. You bit your tongue as he moved closer, putting the blade under your chin to lift your head. “Just sit back and enjoy the show.” He chuckled before moving towards Jay.

The closer he got to the incoherent male, the more your heart hammered in your chest. Sobs and cries fell from your lips as you thrashed around in your restraints, hoping that they would give. 

“Leave him alone!” You screamed out, tears blurring your vision as Riki moved the knife to Jay’s face, “He didn’t do anything wrong, please, Riki!” You screamed, pulling harder at your restraints, causing the chair to move underneath you.

Riki looked back at you with crazed eyes, “Nothing?” His tone was full of amusement as he roughly grabbed Jay’s head, pulling it back and bringing the tip of the blade to his cheek, “He’s done nothing but get in the way.” Riki seethed, digging the point into Jay’s skin, eliciting a loud cry of pain from the older male.

“Please leave him alone!” You screamed out again, pleading over and over again like a broken record. The sound quickly annoyed Riki as he continued to leave small, deep cuts all over Jay’s cheek. 

Groaning, he raised his hand to rub the crease between his eyebrows. " Find something and shut her up, jeez!” Riki exclaimed, looking over at Jake, who quickly got to his feet. He grabbed something from the other side of the table before walking over to you, but you continued to scream and cry.

You tried to fight against Jake’s hold as he started to wrap a piece of cloth around your mouth, but it was pointless; he was too strong. Tears continued to stream down your face as you watched Riki continuously dig the blade into Jay’s skin, causing him to cry out and groan. 

Was this how your life was going to be? Were you going to get out of here and have to pretend that your brother and best friend didn’t just kill everyone that you have ever cared about? Go on having to keep a distance from anyone in fear of either of them doing anything like this again? Would you really have to carry around the guilt of knowing that all of this was because of you? Your nails were digging so deep into the palm of your hand that you had broken the skin, causing blood to pool in your fingers.

This was going to be the end.

Jake moved away from you, backing up until he stood against the table. His fingers wrapped around the holster of the gun, picking it up. Then, while Riki’s back was turned towards him, Jake moved around you to stand behind the younger boy. You didn’t even notice your gaze glued to the blood that was dripping from Jay’s motionless face, having passed out yet again due to all of the pain.

The older male raised the gun until it was leveled with the back of Riki’s head. It was when the gun clicked that you tore your eyes away from Jay and looked over at Jake. Your heart dropped even further into your stomach as you realized that he could easily kill your brother. 

“Thanks for letting me help, but I’m afraid this is where we come to an end.” Jake’s voice was cool as he wrapped his finger around the trigger. Riki dropped his hands down to his side, allowing Jay’s head to hang lowly. He then turned his head just enough to look at Jake, an unreadable expression on his face.

“You’re right…” Riki smirked, turning fully to face Jake, his body completely relaxed. “This is the end of the line for us, but…” Just then, Jake’s hand started to tremble as blood seeped from his nose, dripping down onto the floor; coughs racked his body, causing him to double over, “Not for me.”

You were completely shocked as you watched Jake cough into his hand, only to pull away with a handful of blood. What was happening? Your eyes went wide as Riki just tilted his head, watching Jake with an amused smile.

“Did you really think you could try and take me out without me realizing it?” Riki laughed, crossing his arms over his chest, the blade of the knife pointing in Jake’s direction. “Oh boy, you must have forgotten who I am, Jake.” He placed the blade under Jake’s chin, lifting his head much like he had done to you earlier, “I was planning on getting rid of you, but you just made it a whole lot easier for me.”

Jake started wheezing, dropping the gun to the ground. He clutched his neck as his throat started to close up. His body swayed from side to side. Blood continued to pour from his nose like a waterfall, and before too long, his body dropped to the ground. 

You watched as tears continued to flow from your bloodshot eyes. Watching as yet another friend of yours died. Killed by your brother.

Riki glanced over at you, smirking at the horrified expression that was displayed on your pretty face. A look he wished he could etch into his brain for the rest of his life, but he was sure he’d see it again if you ever stepped out of line again. The feeling of something hitting his foot caused the younger boy to look down just as Jake’s eyes rolled back and he stopped moving completely. Blood pooled around his head as it continued to flow from his nose and the corner of his lips. His eyes were completely red as they stared at the ceiling, lifeless.

You felt like you were going to be sick at the sight of all of the blood. The lifeless expression on Jake’s face is forever etched in your brain. The tears had stopped as you sat there in shock, your heart hammering so loudly it was deafening.

Stepping over Jake, Riki walked over to stand behind you. Your whole body jolted when his hands came down to rest on your shoulders, fingers digging into your skin. He then moved down until his face was right next to yours, looking over at Jay’s unmoving body to Jake’s lifeless form on the ground.

“Isn’t the sight just beautiful?” He asked; the sinister tone of his voice sent a chill down your spine. “Don’t worry so much about them, sis. You have me, and that’s more than enough.” He pulled away from you, patting the top of your head once more. You squeezed your eyes shut, pushing more tears out, sobs racking your lungs once more.

He then untied the cloth muffling your sounds, throwing it off to the side before moving to stand in front of you. You, however, refused to meet his eyes, keeping them glued to the ground by his feet.

Riki just rolled his eyes before moving back towards Jay. He knew you would snap out of it eventually whenever the two of you got back home. You had done the same thing after leaving your parent's house, so why wouldn’t you be able to do it again?

He grabbed Jay’s head once more, twirling the knife around in his hand, ready to plunge it into the older male's neck, but you had started screaming at him to stop once again. He looked at you from over his shoulder, a glare adorning his face.

“Please, Riki, I’ll do anything! Just leave him alone!” You sobbed, thrashing about once again.

Scoffing, Riki just shook his head before turning back to Jay. You weren’t ever going to understand that your words meant nothing. Jay was going to die one way or another.

He was the last person on his list, after all.

Riki then started bringing the knife down, ignoring your screams for him to stop. Then there was a loud bang as the door bounced off of the wall behind it, a bunch of geared-up men rushing inside.

Your eyes went wide as you realized who these people were… the police. You were saved. Jay was saved. Tears once again welled up in your eyes, and for the first time in the whole night, you let out a sigh of relief.

Your ears started ringing, and it felt like everything was moving in a blur as a few of the cops grabbed Riki, forcing him to drop the knife and shoving him to the ground. His shouts of protest were ignored as they cuffed his hands behind his back.

Another cop walked behind you and undid your binds, asking you questions, none of which registered in your head as you watched them tug your brother to his feet. Watching as they drug him out of the room, you thought…

You’re finally safe.

You sat in the back of an ambulance, the paramedic checking you over to make sure there wasn’t anything seriously wrong. She had asked you a few questions but you could only respond with a series of hums, your brain not quite working.

“It does seem like you might have a concussion, so please take caution with any physical activities.” She informed you as she dropped her hands to her side and you just nodded, eyes staying glued to the ground.

When she started to move away, you looked up, hands closing around the bandages they had wrapped your hands in.

“Um, where’s Jay?” You asked, your voice hoarse from all of the screaming and crying. The paramedic turned back towards you, offering a small smile.

“The boy you were with? He’s on the way to the hospital along with the other boy.” You felt your shoulders relax, a sigh leaving your lips. Then, her words fully registered. Other boy? Riki was in the back of a cop car on his way to the station, not the hospital. So, who else could it be?

“Other boy?”

She nodded, “The boy who called the police, Jungwon, I think his name was.” She informed you, and tears instantly started to pour from your eyes.

Jungwon was okay. You were so sure that he had been killed, too, but he was okay. He was safe and alive. The paramedic smiled sympathetically as you cried, hand resting on your shoulder in a comforting manner.

“Was he okay?” You hiccuped, wiping some of the tears away, but they were quickly replaced with more.

“He was stabbed pretty badly, but by some miracle, he survived, and he’ll be okay.” She patted your shoulder before moving out of the way when an officer made his way towards you.

As you answered the cop's question, you felt a sense of relief wash over you. The hellish night had finally been put to an end. You and the rest of your friends were going to be okay. Riki was going to be locked away for a very long time. It was over.

...Right?

@alvojake | Do not steal, plagiarise, translate, or repost any of my work

𝖉𝖎𝖘𝖈𝖑𝖆𝖎𝖒𝖊𝖗 : ᴛʜɪꜱ ɪꜱ ɴᴏ ᴡᴀʏ ᴀ ᴛʀᴜᴇ ʀᴇᴘʀᴇꜱᴇɴᴛᴀᴛɪᴏɴ ᴏꜰ ᴀɴʏ ᴏꜰ ᴛʜᴇ ᴍᴇᴍʙᴇʀꜱ. ᴛʜɪꜱ ɪꜱ ᴘᴜʀᴇʟʏ ꜰɪᴄᴛɪᴏɴ ᴀɴᴅ ꜰᴏʀ ᴛʜᴇ ᴇɴᴊᴏʏᴍᴇɴᴛ ᴏꜰ ᴛʜᴇ ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ ᴀɴᴅ ɴᴏᴛ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ ᴛᴀᴋᴇɴ ꜱᴇʀɪᴏᴜꜱʟʏ.

[arolesbianism]

*experiences potential ~symptoms~* Hm. Let's not think abt that too hard (<- guy who is always obsessing over everything that's ever happened to them ever (<- no one tell them))

[mythalism]

i think what people need to understand is that no amount of essays assuring me of veilguard's strengths, of which i agree there are plenty, is going to change the fact that the emotional experience veilguard prompted within me (and for many others) while i played it was a deeply negative one. discomfort at best, painful at worst. im talking stomach aches. visceral, somatic creeping disappointment and dread that i tried to fight for hours and hours but eventually had no choice but to accept. i stopped wanting to play entirely around 30 hours. i felt vaguely ill. i felt anxious. i could not sleep for a few days. and im not saying i felt sick because it was so bad, but that i felt sick because of the sinking realization that i was about to be terribly, horribly disappointed after so, so long. you could call me dramatic and im sure someone will. idk what to tell you. my emotions manifest physically long before they become decipherable or understandable to me mentally, especially when they're 10 years in the making. probably an autism symptom. regardless, it was genuinely pretty awful, especially because i had immense good faith for this game. i was so hopeful and optimistic and generally thrilled and literally anyone who followed me before october 31 would know that. the emotional whiplash and crash was intense and devastating, and i was reeling for days. you cannot tell me that this experience was "wrong" or "toxic" due to it's negative nature. it was entirely involuntary and outside of my control, as i would expect many people's joy was. emotional reactions are not beholden to fandom discourse.

any post i have made criticizing the game since is attempt to make sense of the emotional roller-coaster of the past 10 years, this summer, and finally this game's release. i do not come on here and write out my criticisms of veilguard because i want YOU to dislike it too. the nature of my essays are not persuasive. if they do persuade you its just because i am a well-trained essayist. sorry. if they dont, great! that wasnt the point. i have no desire to change anyone's mind on the game, in fact i actually would not wish the disappointment i felt on anyone. the fact that i have a lot of followers who agree with what i say and who spread the thoughts i express across tumblr is literally out of my control. when i write out my long-winded criticisms, it is out of a need to express and externalize that sinking, cold feeling i had while playing, in pursuit of understanding exactly why playing that game felt that way to me. identifying, analyzing and verbalizing is the only way i have been able to process my experience. its confessional and therapeutic more than anything. it helps other people understand their own difficult emotional process with the game. its not an attempt to ruin your fun. my negative experience with veilguard does not invalidate anyone else's positive one.

i see so many posts acting like all criticism is an intentional, targeted hate campaign and i dont understand that assumption. to what ends? what would that achieve? why would i bother with such a thing? maybe that is some people's intention in the deep hater corners of this website, and im blissfully unaware. if it is, fuck them. its certainly the intention of annoying grifters, but i feel the distinction between transphobe grifters and devastated fans is pretty clear, so im not sure why the lines are deliberately blurred as if those groups are remotely similar. some of my criticisms come from a more objective place. the writing comes to mind, and it's a consistent criticism from thousands of players. but just because i consider it to be poorly executed, does not make it unlovable. and when i say that i think its poorly done, i am not saying that you cannot or should not love it, or that you are stupid for loving it. maybe someone out there is saying that!!! but i am not. things do not have to be perfect to be enjoyable. they dont even have to be well executed to be enjoyable. "i think x aspect of veilguard is poorly done for yz reasons" is a completely different sentence than "you should not like x aspect of veilguard for yz reasons". these are not the same statements. i see so many posts that are so vitriolic and acting like two experiences of this game cannot coexist, that one has to win and be objectively right, moralizing them on a false axis of positivity = good and negativity = bad, and acting like the existence of one negates the experience of the other. and why? why would that be true? i literally love so many things that other people think are absolute ass. i also love plenty of things that i myself think are actual ass. i love them anyway. this is allowed and really fun. i am not sure who told you that it is not.

however, i have just as much of a right to express my disappointment as you have to express your excitement. i am genuinely happy for everyone who loves the game, i am glad it resonated, or that you saw yourself in its characters, or that it just scratched your hyperfixation itch. but whatever je ne se quoi it had for you, it did not have for me. i have written out so much criticism about so many aspects of the game, but fundamentally what it comes down to and what i cannot express in words is that while i played after waiting 10 years for that moment, it felt wrong. it wasn't that i had specific expectations for game story that were not met, in fact, it exceeded my expectations in a lot of ways. i mean that in terms of how i felt, something was off. it did not resonate. it did not land. it did not hit the right cord with me. i did not have enough moments of joy to outweigh the feeling of emptiness. i did not walk away from it feeling the way that the previous games made me feel. and ive been trying to figure out exactly why that is for three months now by talking about it with people who feel similarly. i am not sure that i will ever be able to analyze my way into figuring it out. it might just have to simply be that it left me bereft.

and so my posts are not anti-veilguard hater propaganda to make you feel like shit for loving the game. rather, they are me verbally processing exactly why i feel like shit so i can hopefully stop feeling like shit. to assume that people who are trying to process these negative feelings are toxic and intentionally malicious is a projection made in bad faith. i love dragon age, and it is because i love it so much that it disappointed me, and it is because disappointed me that i have to verbally process it on tumblr.com so that i dont go absolutely insane. i tag my posts properly. i do not go into tags where i do not belong. i do not rage-bait. i am participating in post-partum dragon age therapy between me and my followers. if it ends up on your dash, sorry. my therapy is popular i guess. so please for the love of god enjoy the game, freely and enthusiastically. i am happy for you. i will sit here and be jealous that it spoke to something in your soul that it unfortunately did not speak to in mine, and nothing i say can take that away from you. please stop interpreting it as an attempt to.

[gamblersdoll]

hihi! idk if you’ve done smth like this , if not could u write like apologetic typa sex w denki after he fucks up or smth, like if he reaalllyy pisses u off and you wont speak to him

js a random thought i had😭😭

ooouuu anon i like you, have a cupcake!

“please, ma— just talk to me!” hes been devastated for about a week, knowing he shouldnt had added someone. it wasn’t a girl, but it was definitely someone who had the hots for him. and knowing denki? he could pull anyone he wanted. “i said i was sorry!”

“and i said i was mad, you know better, you barely short circuit anymore.” you remind him for the eleventh time in person. you had approximately six hundred and fourteen messages from him alone, maybe he was remorseful. “hitoshi is literally the college manwhore, so why did you add him back?”

“i dunno okay? i was just being nice!”

“and where does ‘bein nice’ get you? dead in a ditch, a kid, or some kind of disease.” you remind him one of your golden rules, being nice didn’t necessarily mean you get that back. “you might as well have texted hitoshi, since you wanna be so nice.”

what you dont necessarily expect is him to stop you in your tracks— in your own apartment, to get on his knees and bow to you. “boy, what the hell—“

“please,” he starts, his head low and he looks back up to you, puppy dog eyed. “ill let you do anything you want, whatever you want, ill be some toy or something even if you want to use me— just please, talk to me! ill make everything right again, please mama.”

“stop with all of the little pecks, you know better.” you pull his hair, showing his forehead and he nods.

“yes maam.”

you finally let go of your vice grip, his head going back down and you roll your eyes in pleasure. he finally realized what kind of timing you were on, and fuck, did he love it when you get mad. “yer squeezing my— fi-fingers, baby..” he says, “god, youre so tight..”

“less talking, more eating.” you remind, shoving his face in between your folds. “there you go.. did you just want to get used? is that what it was?” you ask, biting your knuckle to keep a moan in. “thats it.. use your tongue, baby.”

“so sorry..” he moans with your enlarged clit in his mouth. “sorry i followed him back..” he looked cute, his eyes heavy with lust and having your arousal up to his eyebrows. “ohmygoddd— you taste so good when you hate me..”

“such a dirty boy..” you moan, feeling his tongue lick up to your throat and his fingers press past your ring of muscle. “fuck— baby youll make me come already doin that..”

“the least i could do right..? fuckk—“ he moans with you, thrusting his fingers inside along with his hips. he was weird, pressing his hand against his groin and thrusting his fingers inside as if a cock. “forgive me, pleaaasee?” he draws out the moan, along with his thrusts.

“forgive you, baby— fuck, im comin!” he squeal, kissing his jaw and he licks at your cheek trying to catch your lips.

[lokideservesahug]

Perfect pair

-°•°•°•°•--•°•°•°•°--°•°•°•°•--•°•°•°•°-Pairings: Lewis Hamilton x famous!actress!Reader

Warnings: Maybe a swear word or two, idk. There is loads of mentions of dogs so Im sorry if you're allergic :(.

Notes: I saw a tik tok (by the user ayloparis) about celebrities seen on raya, the celeb dating app. And Lewis was just there (middle photo above)!?!? And it stuck in my mind (also Ben Hardy was there aswell, how random).

Summary: When you moved to Monaco, the last thing you expected was your greatest fan and a fan of a race car driver to almost force you to go on a date with said F1 driver. But when you find that same man on a dating app, it doesn't hurt that talk to him; especially because he's so gorgeous.

-°•°•°•°•--•°•°•°•°--°•°•°•°•--•°•°•°•°-

☆-☆-☆-☆-☆

Yourusername

Yourusername: Great awards weekend with an even better ending of going home to my best friend🤍

Liked by hamm4rtim4, thelomlyn and 3,987,091 others

View all comments

User1: Girls be saying the most heartfelt, sweetest things ever about someone and that someone ends up being their dog...

↳Yourusername: 😮It's me! I'm girls!

↳User2: Dont blame you tbh. I also love your dog Y/N

User3: One of these days, She'll post a soft launch (it'll never happen)

↳User4: Nothing can ever get rid of her baby from her posts!

Thelomlyn: Y/NNNNNNNN?

↳ Yourusername: You're back!!

↳ Thelomlyn: You know it. Also its probably a stretch but you know you said that you'd trust me with almost anything?

↳ Yourusername: OH no... But yeah?

↳ Thelomly/n: Well a friend of mine (hamm4rtim4) and I think we've found the perfect guy for you

↳ Yourusername: Oh... I'm intrigued. Who do you think this guy perfect for me is then?

↳ Hamm4rtim4: Sir Lewis Hamilton

☆-☆-☆-☆-☆

☆-☆-☆-☆-☆

☆-☆-☆-☆-☆

Yourusername

📍Circuit de Monaco, Monte Carlo

Yourusername: What a great weekend! El made a new friend @roscoelovescoco. And well done to his dad @lewishamilton for managing to get the win, it was an amazing race. 🤍

Liked by Lewishamilton, roscoelovescoco and 3,678,905 others

View all 6,876 comments

Roscoelovescoco: It's was lovely's to see's you's!

↳ Yourusername: And it was lovely to see you. Although I think El misses you already. She looks devastated without you!

↳ Roscoelovescoco: Well's we've God's to see's you's soon then!

↳ Yourusername: I wouldn't have it any other way🤍

↳User1: Awww that's so adorable

↳User 2: Lewis x Y/N and Roscoe x El. It's meant to be!!!

Lewishamilton: Thank you for your support (and for dogsitting Roscoe).

↳ Yourusername: Any time. And like I said we'll done, you did truly brilliantly this weekend 🤍

↳ Lewishamilton: ❤

↳User3: And so we're meant to believe that they aren't dating!?!?!?!?

↳User4: Ikr. They make such a good (and attractive pair)

Liked by Lewishamilton

User5: Idk why they hid it. Because if I was dating acadamy award winning actress Y/N Y/L/N, I'd never shut up about it.

Liked by Lewishamilton

↳User6: LEWIS LIKING OMD. That has to be a PR concern? RIGHT!??!?!

Mercedesamgf1: Thank you for all of your support this weekend, glad to see you found the right team to support first time. 🖤

↳ Yourusername: It wasn't difficult when you have a certain Hamilton to convince me!

↳ Mercedesamgf1: 🤨

↳ Yourusername: Yeah Roscoe is the best person in the sport!!!

↳User7: Even admin is suspicious lmao

↳User8: She thinks she's so sly...

User9: I'm just saying if they get together, then their dogs can live together and they can all live happily ever after.

Liked by Lewishamilton, yourusername

User10: Lewis likeing all of the comments about him and Y/N is so unserious yet kinda sweet.

↳User11: Like yeah he wants to show her off and let their dogs have kids as they grow old together (they aren't 100% dating)

↳User12: Awww them growing old together with their little bulldogs is adorable

Liked by yourusername

☆-☆-☆-☆-☆

Lewishamilton

Lewishamilton: Thank you everyone for helping me to get in that top step once again. Its been really tough the past few years but by putting lots of time and effort in it clearly payed off.

Thank you to all the mechanics for your endless work. Thank you to Toto for putting up with my constant feedback, thank you George for helping defend and let me keep that top position today. And most importantly, thank you to my 'personal cheerleader' Y/N. Who has helped to support me, bring me joy and just be a beacon of hope throughout the turbulent season start. I love you ❤

Liked by Yourusername, Mercedesamgf1 and 5,897,098 others

View all 57,764 comments

Yourusername: Love you Lew. You're amazing🤍

↳ Lewishamilton: ❤

↳User1: Awww they've been hiding in plain sight (everyone knew)

User2: Shut up that is adorable. And I love the Y/N effect. You can't have a photo dump without El

↳Yourusername: Why would you want to? Unless it has Roscoe in (I love that dog sm)

↳Roscoelovescoco: Awww's I's love's you's too's

Mercedesamgf1: Felling left out rn🥲

↳User3: I love you admin

↳User4: Well done admin

↳Yourusername: We love you admin

↳Mercedesamgf1: Aww thanks guys. Love you more!

User5: Whoever would have expected this!?!?!? Me. I did.

User6: Does this mean we'll get Lewis in a blockbuster film

↳ Yourusername: He can sing, he can dance... question is, can he act?🤔

User7: This is such a random pairing. I love it.

↳ Yourusername: You can thank @thelomlyn and @hamm4rtim4 for that

↳ Lewishamilton: Thank you you two

↳Thelomlyn: I think you just killed @hamm4rtim4. Oh my gosh. This is unreal.

-°•°•°•°•--•°•°•°•°--°•°•°•°•--•°•°•°•°-

Thank you for reading! As always, likes, reblogs and especially feedback is always welcome!

Also my inbox is open if you ever have a request!

Taglist: @nikfigueiredo @mysoulispainted @leclercings @d3kstar @hiireadstuff @a-beaverhausen @nichmeddar @lozzamez3 @stinkyjax @marymustdie @littlesatanicassholebitch @mehrmonga @insanedeathwish @ems-alexandra @a-disturbing-self-reflection @cherry-piee

[buckysfaveplum]

doomsday

summary: missions don't always go according to plan, sometimes you lose people- that's the job. bucky told you that himself.

pairing: bucky barnes x female reader

word count: 3k

warnings: violence, character death, um yea this one's sad. OH and Steve is dead in this (I mean he was like 90 something in endgame...)

a/n: GUYS omg i missed youuu i hope you remember me. its been like almost two years? i moved to ireland and started grad school! things are different. buttt here’s a new fic cause i’m back!!! ANGST omg im sorryyyy.... idk I wanted to right something that hurt okay okay bye (:

masterlist | send requests

You hated funerals. 

The suffocating smell of formaldehyde and roses wafted through the wake hall. The sounds of distant friends and relatives feigning grief, playing up small interactions with the deceased as more than just pleasantries while siblings and best friends' voices seem to be gone with a lack of words to express their suffering. The stale cookies and donuts in the hall, as if someone’s lover isn’t lying in a casket 50 feet away. All wrapped up in black dresses, suits, and handkerchiefs.

You hated funerals.

Today was no exception. An agent lost on a routine mission in Guam, taking out an arms dealer terrorizing a village. There were loose connections to Hydra, but just petty violence and shootouts for nothing. It shouldn’t have resulted in the loss of an agent. But sometimes things go wrong. A gun barrel stalls, someone trips, a civilian happens to be in the way. Sometimes people die. That’s how you ended up here.

Sarah was a good agent, a great one. She was top of her class at Westpoint, went straight to the FBI, and was recruited into SHIELD- all before 30. She was good- too good for a slip-up like this.

As speeches wrapped up, family and friends began to say their goodbyes. A line formed at the casket as people poured their hearts out for the redhead you once called a friend. You waited patiently at the back, making sure you were one of the last. You always did. Maybe out of respect, perhaps guilt? Who knows. You always felt guilt, even if there was nothing to be done. There was guilt.

Finally, as the small crowd left the room, flooding into the hall outside, you made your way to the front. Laid out before you, Sarah’s curly and wild hair was in two thick braids on each side of her head, a blue dress covering her as well as a soft cream cardigan. She looked beautiful and peaceful. But she was dead. Your friend was dead. No makeup or pretty clothes would lessen that blow. The plush velvet of the casket seemed to soften the prison that her body would rest in. At every funeral, you were reminded of how you wished to be cremated.

“I’ve never seen her hair so flat,” you turned to see Bucky standing beside you.

“You know, even wet her hair always seemed to spring up. Had a mind of its own,” you said, your gaze resting on him.

He was clad in a simple black suit, an older set you’d gotten him at a vintage shop. Something familiar. A simple cream button-down, no tie. It was simple, but that was him. What was most striking though was his serene demeanor. It never seemed to settle with you how unaffected by death he was. How easily he was able to gather himself and keep going. You couldn’t blame him though, 90 years of pain, death, torture, and violence will do that to you. You’d only seen him torn up once. And it was beyond devastating. Steve. “You okay, kid?” he asked, wrapping an arm around your shoulders. 

He was your partner, in every sense of the word. In the field, as a friend, in life. He was everything. Your taut shoulders melted under the firm comfort of his vibranium arm. You could rest in its embrace a thousand times and never cease to crave its solace when away. He was your rock through every debriefing, call to family, black dress, and smeared mascara. Who knows what you would be without him?

You rested your head on his chest, breathing in the potent smell of his old cologne and something that was distinctly Bucky. 

“I hate funerals.”

——

“Do you ever think about dying?”

Bucky’s grip on you tightened slightly at your words. Wrapped in the soft linen of your duvet and the sunlight streaming in through your windows, his body lay around yours. His short choppy locks were tousled fresh from his slumber. The previous night’s sleep had yet to let go of his consciousness fully, still cozy and relaxed in your shared bed. His vibranium fingers continued to play with your hair as he considered your question.

“Not anymore,” he said.

Your face scrunched in confusion at his words. Your fingers traced gently over the thick scars on his left shoulder. They mangled and twisted, sprouting in angry red from the line where his skin met vibranium. Shuri had done her best to soften the tissue when replacing his arm, but only so much could be done.

“I did a lot when I was first drafted. I was scared of it then. And in those early days under Hydra. It was all-consuming. But at some point, I wasn’t scared of it, I embraced it- prayed for it,” your fingers froze at his words. It was nothing new to you, you had spent countless late nights and early mornings recounting the abuse of his days as the Winter Soldier. But hearing him say flat out how he wished to die. That was jarring. “After the Blip, I’ve just become a bit numb to it. I don’t really think about it if that makes sense. It could always happen.”

His hands danced down your spine as if his words were simple.

“You expect it?” You asked, propping yourself up on your elbow.

“It’s the job, Y/N. It comes with the territory. Sometimes you lose people. And it could always be you,” he said, giving you a soft look. “You know that, doll”.

“I just, I don’t expect it in the field you know?” you relaxed a bit, regretting the subject you forced upon him.

“Hey, maybe that wasn’t the best way to put it,” he said, giving you a ginger smile as he leaned close and cupped your cheeks in his hands. “Death has just followed me for a long time, doll. I mean I’m a 106. I’m just not scared of it anymore.”

You tucked yourself into his chest, his words soothing the fears swirling in your mind. You knew the job was dangerous. That any mission could be the last. You just hoped it would never be him.

“Why do you always pick the heaviest topics of discussion early in the morning?” he asked, his voice still groggy from sleep. He smiled as you chuckled against his chest. 

“Probably cause I’m hungry, Plum,” you said, turning to lay on your back as you smiled up at him. 

“Yea? What could we do about that, huh?” that devilish smirk of his could stop your heart anytime and you’d be grateful. “Pancakes? Clinton St?” 

You nodded eagerly at his suggestion before taking his hand and slipping from the bed.

——

The rumbling of the quinjet shot up your spine. Sam and Bucky’s relentless bickering filled the steel jet as you came closer to your destination. Your gloved hands worked at strapping your knives to your thighs as they quarreled over how best to stain wooden beams in Sam’s living room during your and Bucky’s next trip down to Louisiana.

“No! NO! Buck, that stain doesn’t go with the accent wood in the kitchen! I already told you,” Sam said as he fixed his shield to his back. You chuckled as you walked over to them. Your backup squad, full of agents fresh from SWORD’s training academy, snickered at the two men as Bucky rolled his eyes.

“The beams are in your living room, what does it matter?” He said. 

“I wouldn’t take any interior design advice from him, he wanted a purple couch in our living room,” you said, wrapping your arms around Bucky’s waist. Sam laughed as he turned to grab the mission report. The jet was drawing close, entering stealth mode and preparing for landing.

“It was a plum color,” Bucky grumbled, nuzzling his face into your hair. 

“Okay team, huddle up!” Sam said. “This is just a simple in and out. We gotta get these hostages out safely so no risky moves- I’m lookin’ at you, Buck.”

Bucky threw his hand up in defeat, scoffing jokingly under his breath. 

“I’ll swoop through and scout entrances, Squad Two you’ll be with me for direct combat. We’re clearing out the building. Squad One, you’ll be with Y/N and Bucky, you’re getting those hostages out. You bring them straight back here, got it? There’s four so it shouldn’t be too strenuous,” he said, closing up his report before slipping on his cowl. “Alright team, let’s show ‘em what we got.”

——

Fluorescent red light filtered across your face as you slipped through the hallways. Half the squad led ahead of you, banging on doors in search of the hostages. Bucky hung close behind you, the rest of your squad keeping your entrance open for your escape. His hand rested on the gun strapped to his hip as he kept an eye on your blind spots.

Watching your back on the field was second nature to him. Protecting you, be it on the subway or in an active battle zone, was something he felt born to do. A reason to survive all those years under Hydra.

After several doors, your team stopped; having heard the pleas for help on the other end of the steel doors, they backed up to allow room for an agent to blast the lock. You stumbled back into Bucky, tripping on your own feet. His arms caught you before you could even glance at the floor. You felt his fingers gripping your hips and fidgeting with the straps on your thighs as you straighten.

“Some reflexes you got,” you whispered to him.

“Can’t let my babydoll fall,” he said, kissing the back of your head before his focus shifted back to the lock, now falling to the floor.

The agents flooded into the room, pulling hostages out and bringing them back into the hall. As they streamed out, you realized something was wrong. You only counted 3.

“Where’s the fourth hostage?” you asked. 

Bucky commed Sam, hoping he’d scanned the place and found a lead. As he spoke, you gathered the agents, giving them an order. Lead them through the building, get out to the other half of the squad, and get them into the jet. You’d meet them on the other side. You and Bucky would find the last hostage. The agents fled, leaving you and Bucky alone in the dark hallway. 

“Where are they?” you asked. Bucky sighed, as he grabbed a knife from his hip.

“In the lab in the basement, must’ve been the first to get taken,” he said.

The hostages weren’t nobodies. Prisoners were taken from SWORD on a mission to squash a newly established radical group. A group that seemed to resonate with the ideas of Hydra. This mission was all too familiar to Bucky, and all the more upsetting. You gave his free hand a firm squeeze before you turned and bolted to the lab.

You could feel the heaviness of the lab as soon as you entered the basement. The looming presence of the sterile room filled the hallways as you stalked toward it. Bucky was unusually quiet as he covered you from behind. You knew this was triggering, it had to be. He would always tell you he was beyond triggered episodes, having gotten a firm grasp on his PTSD. But you knew better. The subtle tremor in his brow told you so.

As you reached the eerie room, you stilled. Bucky came up behind you, resting a hand on your waist as you assessed the space. Metal shelves lined the walls full of jars, syringes, and test tubes. Sleek steel tables with rags soaked in blood, white grimy cabinets full of scalpels and needles, and an operating table at the center. The floors were coated in grot, each crack in the tile stained brown. Your mind couldn’t help but wonder if this condition was what Bucky was used to for all those decades.

Realizing the area was clear, you entered. Quickly, you spotted the hostage. Strapped to a chair in the corner with an IV jabbed into his arm. Bucky squeezed your arm as he headed over, slipping his knife back on his hip. 

You felt a pit growing in your stomach. You pulled your gun gently. This hostage didn’t look familiar, you thought Sam said he was a brunette, not blonde.

Bucky began to break the straps holding the man down. Slipping the IV gently from his arms, Bucky eased him up into a sitting position. He spoke to the man calmly, explaining to him who you were and that he was here to get him out. He seemed off, but Bucky just assumed it was the experimentation. He was wrong.

“Do you know who we are?” Bucky asked, helping the man up.

“I know who you are, Soldat,” the man said.

A chill ran through your legs, almost toppling you over. You reached for your gun, but the man was quicker. He was able to log four bullets into Bucky’s chest before you could get one in his skull. 

Shots rang out in the room, flooding your ears. As soon as you pulled the trigger, the man fell to the ground. Your bullet nestled into the side of his head. Your hands were shaky as the gun fell from your grasp, clattering across the floor and sending echoes through the rotting room. Of course it was a trap. The rubber of your boots squeaked as you sprinted your way over to your lover. He stumbled back against the filthy wall, his hands pressing firmly on the holes scattered across his chest.

As soon as you reached him, his legs seemed to give out. Everything in you tried to keep him up, your hands gripping the straps of his suit to keep him from surrendering to the floor. But he was too heavy. You followed him down, gathering him in your arms and holding him close. His breathing was labored and rough. Squeaks and coughs escaping from his punctured lungs haunted your ears, taunting you as you desperately tried to get him to stand.

“Baby, baby come on… you gotta get up, love,” you said, pulling him as you tried to get his attention.

His eyes were fixed on the mess in his chest. Blood bloomed across the fabric of his blue suit like a watercolor painting. His hands slipped from their place over the wounds and grasped yours. 

“Y/N…” he said. You froze at his voice. It was weak and unsteady. His grip on your hand was tight, too tight. He was always so gentle with you. As if you were glass under his hands and he was afraid you cracked. Now, he gripped you so hard you were afraid your bones would fracture.

“Bucky, you gotta get up. You’re gonna be okay,” you said as you tried to stay calm, but your voice failed you. You commed Sam, “Sam, Sam! Bucky’s down, I need help please!” 

You tried your best to stop the bleeding, tearing fabric from your pants to stuff the wound and slow the blood. But it didn’t seem to help. Bucky’s vibranium hand rose to your cheek, holding you steady. You mumbled to yourself, beginning to panic as blood spilled onto your hand; it stained the groves in your knuckles and cakes in your fingertips. Bucky’s coughing finally brought you out of your spiral. Blood began to trickle from his mouth.

“Doll…I can’t- I can’t breathe,” he said, his voice hoarse from the blood filling his throat.

“Bucky, hang on for me okay, please,” you said, your hands grasping his face and pulling yourself closer. You pressed a firm kiss to his forehead. When you pulled back, you could see it in his eyes.

“Y/N, I’m scared…” you felt bile rise in your throat at his words. The reality of the situation began to set in. Sam’s glitchy voice rang through your coms but you barely registered it.

“You’re okay, plum. It’s okay, I’m here. You’re gonna be okay,” you said. Your voice was frantic and distraught. The need to reassure him he would make it was overwhelming. But was it for him or you? Perhaps if you kept repeating it, doomsday would stay at bay.

His hands returned to yours, grabbing them and pulling you close as another cough racked his body. Blood speckled across your hands. You were white in the face, all the color drained.

“I…I love you, kid,” he said, his grip loosening. 

“No, baby, you’re gonna be okay. Sam’s on the way, it’s-”

“Y/N, I love you,” your hands gripped his tighter, wishing the firm hold he had minutes ago would return as his hands became limp in yours.

“… I love you, Buck,” you said softly, resting your forehead on his.

You pulled him close, kissing his lips one last time. You felt his breathing slow, his lips still. You didn’t pull back, you couldn’t. You knew what would await. A thick sob slipped through your chest. 

You tucked yourself further into his body, pulling him close and wrapping your arms around him. His head rested tucked into the crook of your neck, your hand tangled into his hair. You closed your eyes as you pressed your face into his hair, your free hand stroking his back and you rocked his now limp body. And you waited for Sam.

——

The smell of formaldehyde was the same, but no roses- Bucky preferred lilacs. You didn’t want the standard service, but SWORD insisted. No speeches, except for the pastor leading the service. You didn’t want any speeches, you knew Bucky would agree. 

You sat in the back, behind the small crowd of agents, friends, and the team you had come to consider family. Sam kept looking over his shoulder, keeping an arm behind him and resting on your knee. Perhaps he was trying to stop its shaking through the service or just to bring you comfort.

The service was simple, it was quiet. It was small. But it didn’t change anything. 

You hated funerals.

**taglist has been reset! let me know if you'd like to be added**

[amymbona]

First time writing an ask kinda nervous….. imagine you went to the tennis academy with ArtPatrick and they never really noticed you, not really on their radar but you end up going to Stanford and befriended Tashi and they are just whipped for you idk what else to add IM SO NERVOUS

Yes yes yes that's so cute! The boys being completely smitten with reader 🥹🥹🥹 I could make a series from this cause this one's a bit short (I've no inspiration😔). Let's pretend that in this neither of the boys study at Stanford and Patrick isn't dating Tashi.

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

To begin the story simply, tennis is the main focus of your life. Or at least used to be, until you hit puberty. With hormones running through your body, up and down from head to toe, and your periods happening each month, you started noticing significant changes not only in your physique but your mentality too. Suddenly, boys were all you think about.

While slowly building your teenage career and attending the academy, you kept your eyes on boys around you, subconsciously searching for a partner. And you considered yourself pretty normal. Not many thoughts about sex, at least not the hardcore version of it, just hoping for a nice monogamous relationship with a guy who'd love and support you unconditionally. Until you met Patrick Zweig and Art Donaldson.

Aside from your crush on Brad Pitt as Achilles, you were never really smitten with boys before, so your poor brain froze the moment you entered the court and a mix of two muscular - for their age - moans reached your ears. There they were. The brunet one was taller, a mess of curly hair sticking to his forehead, and he was a bit more expressive too. Most of the groans were from his mouth, face grimacing as he chased the ball, limbs long. Next to him, on the court, was a guy who's blond hair was hidden under a cap, but you caught a glimpse of his big nose. This one, was a bit more muscular, eyes creased in concentration.

It's safe to say that you became obsessed with them, figuring out their schedule to be on the court exactly at the same time. It wasn't really your thing before, but you began tucking your skirts a bit higher so they could possibly catch a glimpse of your ass, and make sure to groan loud enough when you hit the ball. Every so often, your eyes would trail towards the two, eager to see if they are watching you, only to end up disappointed if you find them immersed in a deep conversation.

It shattered your poor teenage ego, especially when you decided to greet them - reminding yourself that tennis players all know one another so it won't be that awkward - only to end up with a light wave from Art in response. Honestly, you were devastated.

Now, one year into Stanford, you've managed to successfully push the two towards the most dark depths of your mind, focusing back on tennis. You are grateful to have befriended a fellow player - Tashi Duncan - who has become something close to a best friend. You hadn't really heard of her before, perhaps once or twice on the sport's channel news, but she has proven as an incredibly complex person. For her age, she is far above average, dominating every match, but her soul is delicate enough to flow in sync with yours.

The two of you are dorm mates, spend a lot of time together and have found much needed calmness in the presence of one another, a friendship one could really ask for. Doing the talk, you've learnt about Tashi's family, hobbies and friends - two of which, she has mentioned, were named Art and Patrick. Rings a bell?

And definitely rings a bell, if not even slaps you across the face, when you come back to your dorm after practice, eager for a shower and a good afternoon's rest, only to find two boys occupying your two beds. And Tashi's nowhere.

"Oh, hi," the blond guy is the first to break the awkward silence, rubbing the back of his neck bashfully. "We didn't know you were coming. We, um- we're waiting here for Tashi."

You nod, eyes trailing between the two boys, each of them gazing you up and down. And suddenly, you become too aware of your attire - a really mini *mini* skirt and a light sports bra, your top stuffed somewhere in your sports bag that you've dropped by the door - and it's easy to see the boys aren't trying to hide their excitement.

"Well, she's still at practice so..." you mutter, crossing arms over your chest to somehow hide whatever the boys are looking at.

"Should we go?" Art proposes, finger pointing at the door.

"No, no, you can wait here. I'm just gonna shower so I can't really entertain you." you offer the boys a small smile and quickly fish some clothes out of the wardrobe and disappear in the bathroom.

The boys exchange a glance, mouths parted and eyes wide. Damn. It's been a long time since they've seen a girl this pretty! Your flushed cheeks and plump lips are all engraved in their minds, the sight of you in so little clothes hard to erase. God, your cleavage was so full, almost spilling out of that bra, that Patrick desperately wished the fabric would magically burst and he's ve granted with the clear view of your tits.

You reenter the dorm in a fresh set of clothes, combed hair flowing down your back and the boys' eyes are on you again, small, playful smirks on their faces. You try to ignore the butterflies in your tummy and the way your voice threatens to quiver as you approach your own bed, currently occupied by Patrick.

"Do you mind?"

"No, no, enough space for both of us," he replies nonchalantly, patting the space next to him, but that smug smile on his face is hard to miss.

Your eyes roll, arms crossing. He knows damn well that's not what you meant. "Just move."

Patrick grins, raising his arms in mock defense and reluctantly pushes up from his spot only when Art commands him with a soft c'mon Pat, allowing you to plop down.

For a long while, now both settled on Tashi's bed, the boys study you, taking notice of the way your sweater clings to your skin, the way your bare feet tap against the floor nervously and how you're trying to look all calm and indifferent, picking up a random book from the nightstand to demonstrate so. But Patrick breaks the silence.

"So, who're you?"

The question surprises you and perhaps hurts a bit, as you realise the boys have completely forgotten your face, despite seeing it for years in the academy. Perhaps you hoped they would remember you.

"Tashi's roommate... Y/N." you add when they raise a brow.

"Y/N." the name rolls off of Art's tongue sweetly as he repeats it. He likes how it sounds, it's simple but very flirting, as if your face was meant to hold such a name.

Patrick, meanwhile, imagines himself screaming that name. Not only that, his mind is filled with various scenarios where you are the main character.

The boys introduce themselves, not that it's needed for you, and for a moment, you're almost tempted to remind them that you actually know each other. "Yeah, I know you."

"You do?" Patrick asks, raising a brow, almost too excited.

Fuck. But you can't just tell them how much of a crush you had on both of the boys back in the academy, how many days and nights you spent thinking about them, imagining that'd be thinking about you too, imagining all the possible moments you three could have spent together.

"Um, yeah, from the... From Tashi." you stumble over your words. "She's mentioned you before a couple of times."

The boys nod, looking you all over, examining every single of your tiny mannerisms that are on display, the way you nervously scratch the back of your neck and chew onto your lower lip. Fuck. You're so cute in their eyes, they could watch you forever.

A slightly awkward silence settles over the room, and the more intense their gazes become, the more nervous you are. God damn, where the hell is Tashi when you need her the most? If you'll be forced to stay alone with Art and Patrick for one more minute, you're probably gonna go crazy and say something incredibly stupid or just jump in one of their laps and begin kissing them.

Like a miracle, a much needed knight in shining armor, Tashi shows up. She greets her friends, introduces you three once again before finally taking the boys out. Like they're on a leash, the boys follow her without a single protest, but before they leave the dorm, two sly smirks are shot in your direction. What you don't hear, after the door closes, is the boys smothering Tashi in questions about you.

[gomzdrawfr]

Bear with me here I am going to word vomit of an AU I thought of (and I literally just woke up) Idk if I have the time to write, draw or even animate this bUT

A ghostprice au where Price goes blind

Here’s a scene I had in my head, imagine a blackout panel, with a typewriting sound effect in the back that reads:

Patient Information: Johnathan Price, birth date, weight, height, number, address (something along those lines which are meant to hint this is a beginning of a medical record)

and then white blurry speech bubbles appearing from left and right

“What?”

You voiced out, or rather, Price voiced out (you are in Price’s POV)

All the speech bubbles seized, and for a moment it’s just darkness and much quieter whispers

“…Laswell?”

“John, you’re up, easy now”

He hears her from his left, but still there’s total darkness, and he furrows his brows, hands slowly reaching up to pat his face, or scratch it— there’s nothing on his skin, so he’s not being blindfolded, and there’s no sac or bag covering his head— but there is layers of something covering his eyes that he tries to pull off, managing to peek through a bit, he thinks he’s opening his eyes but—

Still black

“…?”

And then we cut to a shot of Ghost’s face, eyes wide with realization that Price can’t see anymore.

The last panel reads:

“Diagnosis: Traumatic Optic Neuropathy” (aka vision loss”

- end of scene

More rambles:

Thinking about maybe from a mission an IED went off before anyone could react— well technically Price reacted first by pulling Ghost away, which resulted in direct exposure to the blast, followed by a concussion

Ghost immediately got on his feet and dragged Price away while also making sure all units were still available, he looks down and he sees laceration and red

Well okay I haven’t figure out the clinical part but Im thinking maybe some blood pools around the corner of Price’s eyes (if, say, the laceration cut across his eyelids), it wouldn’t be as dramatic to the point where there’s blood trickling down his eyes per see cuz Idk if I plan to make the shrapnel penetrate into the cornea (in this case it would be extremely severe cause of trauma, I shall have some mercy on him)

Maybe amongst the panic he saw how Price’s left eye slowly turned red (internal bleeding) and all his alarms went off and quickly get medical on it

Of course he was praying that it wasn’t as serious, maybe it was superficial and maybe his eyes were playing tricks on him cuz it was dark and the hallway had red lamp all over

Also i just realized this is prob quite inaccurately portrayed bcuz the bandages that covers the eyes are usually tightly sealed, and that his action of ripping them off is prrrobbaaably not good since infections and increasing the pressure around his eyes are just going to make this worse (like reopening sutures or whatnot) but i think it could work (shhh ✨fiction science✨)

But nope, Price is blind, and that automatically puts him unfit for service and Ghost knows that this isn’t going to go well for the man

We always joked around saying Price is old but imagine if he’s mid 30s, prime in his years and definitely still had a lot of kick in him— only to be forcefully ripped away from it

The devastation, the angst, the anger, the unfairness of it all, the never ending cycle of guilt from both Ghost and Price

DO U FEEL IT?!

Anyways *ah hem* if you’ve read this far and would be interested to develop this yourself whether with fic or art go ahead! I sure as hell won’t be able to bring out the sheer desperation and agony from this sort of au or story so yeah XD

[signanothername]

What do you think would happen if Stage 4 Killer was ordered to kill a cat?

Would he do it?

Or would he switch to a lower stage?

Cuz now im just thinking about how devastated he would be , coming down from stage 4 and seeing what he's done. If I remember correctly he isn't conscious during that stage.

I mentioned before that I believe Killer would switch to stage 1 if he saw his cats, so I don’t think Killer at stage 4 would even have a chance to hurt his cats before he’s back to stage 1 (not that stage 4 would hurt his cats in my eyes regardless)

And from what we’ve seen in the stage 4 comic, stage 4 seems to be a very rabid stage, while Killer is very out of it, the moment Killer supposedly completes his job, he immediately switches back to stage 2, and that also makes me think his cats aren’t going to be a target, cause the moment he finishes whatever job that made him switch to stage 4 to begin with, he’d just get back to stage 2 before anyone knows it

Now whether he’d do it if he’s commanded to, I like to believe Killer keeps stage 4 a secret from everyone

That includes Nightmare, nobody truly knows stage 4 exists except for Killer, and his own hallucinations (so just him basically)

So Nightmare wouldn’t even get to command Stage 4 at all, even if he did, I think an interesting question to ask is whether Killer would even listen to Nightmare at all, cause Stage 4 seems to act on instinct rather than Killer being his usual calculated self, and to me, it seems to also act on self defense in a way, cause it was triggered specifically after Killer got a really bad flashback concerning his brother, then hearing all the voices of everyone screaming at him, it’s obviously something that’s heavily influenced by his trauma

What I’m trying to say is, if we assume stage 4 acts on self defense rather than simply killing for the sake of killing, wouldn’t he feel the need to protect himself against Nightmare? Against his abuser as well? So would he attack Nightmare or would his conditioning cause Killer at stage 4 to cower and run and hide instead? The latter seems more plausible to me, but Idk just food for thought >:)

[mediumgayitalian]

fic rec friday 16

hi!! welcome to fic rec friday. every week, i pick five fics i have bookmarked and rec them with a little review. check them out!

best friend, baby by @ghosttotheparty*

“You— You make me feel so… good,” he finishes lamely, his head void of any words that could describe it, because how can Will describe the peace he finds in Nico’s presence, or the way he feels like he can finally breathe whenever Nico looks into his eyes? “You’re my favourite person,” he breathes. “My best friend.”

hooooooo boy the intimacy tag was NOT joking. i was gagged. yall tell me all the time how high u value will angst and like....this one DEVASTATED me for him??? like do yall ever think about how the first dialogue we hear from will in nico's perspective is self-loathing. yall ever think about how nico has always known him hating himself. well this author did. "i know you hate yourself but just because you hate yourself doesnt mean everyone else does too" hey what if we FOUGHT. also im going back in to all my FRFs to star my FAVE FAVE FAVE fics bc this is one of them LET ME TELL YOU.

2. just a dumb game by @ghosttotheparty

Nico di Angelo is not a party person. But Will Solace is going to be there. So.

they are SO FUCKING GAY and SO FUCKING IN LOVE and SO FUCKING STUPID. god i love them so fucking bad like they are inherently down bad obsessed with each other and this is how they should be. this is the way of the world.

3. even in the silver light by @ghosttotheparty

Nico is back. Will is still smitten.

first of all. latino and nb will. thank you. second of all. i am (obviously) obsessed with this author bc they KILLLLLL w burning intimacy. like you have no idea they write them like there is a twice burning fire only alive within them it's CRAZZZYYY. i also fckn LOVE that this is like. okay so the author says its plotless and it is kind of 45k of plotless, yes, but idk theres something to be said of love as a plot?? of learning and loving each other as a storyline.

4. splash by @ghosttotheparty

Annabeth is reading her favourite book. Someone walks directly into her.

yeah okay i think this is another one author week. sue me. this fic made me GRIN okay. it was so fucking cute and sweet and soft and autistic annabeth my beloved!! my love and light!! they are so in love in every universe fr and i fckn LOVE them dude i am OBSESSED. when this author writes people together it's as if you can hear them click.

5. isnt she lovely by @ghosttotheparty

Their eyes always meet in the halls. Her eyes are grey and shiny, and they make Percy think of stormy skies and marble sculptures. (She could be a marble sculpture, in the entrance of a museum, surrounded by scholars and artists and mesmerised passersby. Fucking beautiful in a way that only art ever is.) - - - Percy has had a crush on Annabeth since eighth grade. (He doesn’t know she likes him too.)

percy hitting the ground when annabeth kisses him 😭😭 HES SO REAL. i just recced this fic on instagram and i am here reccing it again bc it is EXCELLENT. i rly rly love to see pjotv percabeth in fic like i DO. theyre so fucking cute. and i LOVE how this author writes autistic annabeth!! it is so important to me!!! and this one is so CUTE like percy had such a huge crush on him.....like not just he liked her he had a CRUSH on her. god. i am melting.

thank you for joining me this friday!! happy reading!!

[sxfterhearts]

convenience store comfort: a jongseob headcannon

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚ non-idol!jongseob x angry + tired!y/n ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅

��� genre/warnings: just fluff, seob and y/n aren't together (yet), reader is angry (!!) and jongseob is there to comfort her + calm her down <3 mentions of alcohol and late night CU shenanigans

♡ word count: 1.8k words, all dotpoints, lowercase and no punctuation intended (+ weird formatting grrr)

♡ author's note: a lot of people requested for jongseob. idk whether its bc im perfectionistic but im not 100% happy with this, so i will defs do another one soon to do him and your requests justice (╥ ᴗ ╥)

♡ a song to listen to: just dont know it yet, new hope club

//

you and seobie were dance class partners since you were in kindergarten :))) omg imagine little seob and little you jamming to songs – so adorable

you had your regular weekly meetup with the dance crew to go over some new choreography and jam to some new songs recommended by your crew members

the moment you entered the dance studio and locked eyes with jongseob (who was doing his regular warmups on the floor) he could already tell something was up

your hair was pulled back into a messy ponytail, glasses resting crookedly on your head, sleeves rolled up unevenly - as though you just emerged from a hurricane

as you approached jongseob’s corner he lowkey panicked

he could see your eyebrows were scrunched up and your lips formed in an adorable pout - too adorable for him to keep a straight face, so he just muttered softly under his breath, “long day?”

you plopped down onto the floor next to him, immediately collapsing into a heap. you laid down with your head resting close to his lap, and arms and legs spread out, staring up at the ceiling. “couldn’t be worse,” you replied irritatedly.

the rest of practice went by in a blur - you could barely keep up with the moves - instead opting to linger at the back next to jongseob

you were trying to subtly copy his moves, but was promptly called out by your leader for slacking off and forgetting the moves from last week

by the time everyone vacated the studio, it was safe to say that you were pissed. and so done with life.

“should we go to CU?” jongseob asked, careful, as though he was walking on eggshells around you - unsure when you were about to explode.

“let’s go” you replied without even looking at him, snatching your bag off the ground and turning promptly on your heels, already making your way out of the studio.

“hey!! wait up, y/n!”

it became a tradition to grab snacks from the CU downstairs after difficult dance practices

it all started in high school, when jongseob was devastated after losing a dance comp and you tried to cheer him up by buying him every single flavour of gummy candies on offer 

(it didn’t really work, but when jongseob chewed on the pillowy soft bits of peachy goodness whilst staring at the funny faces you pulled to cheer him up, he could feel his tired heart begin to warm up)

“what do you- oh.” he was about to ask what you wanted, because it was his treat (by tradition: the person who is in charge of cheering the other up would pay), but the words caught in his throat when he followed you around the CU, leading him straight to the alcohol section – it mustve been pretty bad if you were reaching for the sojus

“are you having some?” you asked, without turning your head. you inspected the variety of alcohol on offer, and quickly settled on two bottles of unflavoured soju when he squeaked an affirmative yes in reply.

you quickly trotted over to the pouch drinks section and picked up the peach ade flavour without much deliberation, knowing that itwas jongseob’s favourite flavour, and two packs of peach gummy candies on the way to the counter (jongseob blushed because you remembered..)

he whipped out his card, paid for the drinks and snacks, and followed you like a little duckling to the bar seats by the windows

safe to say, after downing one whole bottle of soju (with barely any peach ade), you were a blubbering mess

“that.. that stupid, stupid, argh!!!” you munched furiously on the gummies, biting off their little heads first before chomping on their little bodies (jongseob almost felt bad for them) “why is he so incompetent?!”

you were referring to the new guy you were training at your workplace. initially jongseob was unsure how to feel about your newest colleague, especially after harbouring a silent, unrequited crush on you for the longest time. but his worries were quickly squashed after hearing you drunkenly curse out this guy’s name, followed by a string of… colourful words

“is it not common sense to… turn.. turn off the steamer after steaming the milk?? or to wipe spills, when you knock over,” you paused to hiccup, “a cup?” another hiccup

an adorable quirk of yours was that you started to hiccup if you drank or ate anything too quickly. jongseob handed you an opened bottle of green tea to slow down your drinking.

“i.. i mean! cmon! he’s so dumb!” you continued your little monologue, arms gesturing wildly - to the point that jongseob had to hold your hands steady and lead the bottle up to your mouth to make sure you were drinking something that was non-alcoholic.

“drink slowly,” he reminded you in an even tone. he kept trying to maintain a neutral expression but he had to admit that you were kinda funny in this drunken state, cute and frustrated

you hummed, listening to him as you stared at him with big eyes, gulping slowly. his adam apple bobbed up and down as he swallowed himself, feeling somewhat self-conscious now that your attention was completely on him

“why are you like this?” you asked after a few sips, suddenly looking like you were sober again

“like… like what?” jongseob asked nervously, like a deer caught in headlights - scared that he did something wrong.

“like this…” your pointer finger came up to poke his chest, and he felt his heart pound under your touch. 

jongseob just stared at you, confused

“just.. just like, you always… you take care of me so good…” you mumbled, finding the prints on his big oversized t-shirt very fascinating all of a sudden

now it was jongseob’s turn to widen his eyes - was this just the alcohol talking? he forced out a nervous laugh. “yeah, you’re always getting in trouble, so i always have to be there for you”

“yeah but, why?”

“cos…” jongseob looked away. between your finger on his chest and your gaze on his face, he couldn’t possibly look at you anymore without blurting out something he might regret. “cos.. youre you, and i’m me, and i’ve known you forever, and we always look out for each other” he began to nervously toy with lid of the soju bottle, unknowingly shaping the metal bit into a heart… “plus im not doing anything, you’re just letting out some steam”

“i get…” another hiccup “i mean i get that.. b-but like…” you paused, raising your open palm in front of his face to steal his attention. “like…”

he understood what you meant immediately and wordlessly poured a few peach gummies into your hands, his own larger ones coming to hold yours tenderly while doing so scream!!

you chewed slowly while in deep thought “like..”

“finish chewing first, y/n..” jongseob reminded, half-teasingly and half-seriously, worried that you might choke

“like! like… ah…” you sighed exasperatedly, taking a big gulp of green tea. you looked like you were solving a math problem in your head, which was concerning, because jongseob knew how much you hated math

“what are you trying to say exactly?” he couldnt help but to laugh at you. there were only a handful of times where he’s seen you get this drunk and every single time it ended up like this - you trying to have a coherent conversation with jongseob and him just playing along with your drunk antics

“seriously? i have no clue.” you said, defeated. with a big exhale, you extended your arms on the table and rested your head on top of it, facing him. you pointed at him again, as he watched you intently. “jongseob.”

“hmm?”

“it’s a disaster”

“what is? your day? i know that already - you just spent the past hour explaining that to me”

“no, well, y-yes, but no…” you trailed off, fingers wiggling accusatively at him while you scrunched up your nose. adorable, he thought. “it’s a disaster.” another hiccup

“why??? y/n, maybe it’s time we get you home…”

“no seobie, dont want to.” you shook your head and body violently in response. “want to stay here with you!”

jongseob felt his entire body tingle with warmth and slight embarrassment, because no way you meant it like that… no way, this is unrequited love after all, right? 

“seobie…” you looked at him, eyes filled with emotions jongseob can’t really figure out. was it a pleading expression? or were you asking for something? he wasnt sure - but one things for sure - he would give you anything you wanted

“...yeah?”

“can you… can we just stay here for a bit? im tired…” you reached out for him with grabby hands, and he complied easily - after all, he would give you the world

your hands gripped tightly to jongseobs, as you started another round of monologues, “you know, sometimes… sometimes i think i just need someone to listen to me. you do that really well. and its like when i tell you about what bothers me, the worries… they just…”

“...disappear?” he finished for you, squeezing your hand in response. he couldnt help it - his neutral facade broke. at the start of the night, he was a little scared and unsure of what to expect. you were hard to read when you were emotional. but now, sitting here next to you in the 24hr convenience store, one bottle of soju and two packets of peach gummies deep into the night, he felt the corner of his lips turn upwards. after all, he would always go along with whatever you wanted

“yeah.” you smiled at him, eyes blinking slowly, as though you were about to fall asleep. after a while, you felt the fatigue seep into your bones and overtake your entire body, and succumbed to its temptations. 

you shifted in your seat to get comfortable and snuggled into jongseob’s arms like a body pillow, pulling him closer and closer to you. it was a slightly awkward position for jongseob, and he could feel the pins and needles starting to prickle on his limbs, but then, after a moment of silence, you muttered something under your breath.

“what is it? do you need something? is it uncomfortable?”

you giggled, his response so characteristic of him. he was always doting on you, always making sure you were alright, always ready at your beck and call. it gave you more confidence to repeat your words: “jongseob, i think im in love with you”

the poor boy nearly choked on air - but held it in so as to not compromise your position. “you… you what? what?”

“i love you, jongseob.” you said, cracking one eyelid open. just to prove your point, you brought his hand to your lips and pressed a soft kiss to the back of his hand, and then with the accuracy of a tipsy person, you pushed his hand towards his lips.

“there. we kissed, indirectly.” you said, satisfied with yourself, bursting into another round of giggles. 

jongseob, ohmygosh, he didnt know what to do. his brain shortcircuited and he just sat there, letting you laugh at him while the tips of his ears turned bright red

[ianthewife]

im a liar that lies so okay here it is by popular demand of like one and a half people

Ranking the silt verses characters that i find attractive and why (nobody look at me insane addition):

1. Val — every time she talks or does anything at all, all the blood rushes away from my brain and i fall unconscious hitting my head on the way down that’s honestly probably why i am this way. the gruesome mess and utter devastating tragedy of her existence is so hot to me. she can turn me into a chair whenever she wants to. all this to say: Val please please please please just one chance—

2. Mercer — a nasty obsessed honestly insane woman with zero hinges? ummm yes please? the way she says “mine” before a kill is doing some certain things to me but i shan’t say. love when she is cackling wildly going insane and murdering people. which means always. mercer call me back

3. Sibling Rane — always smiling when i think of them, their laughter has saved my life. cultist of the month the year the life and my heart. fuck it, ill convert to the Trawler-man bullshit even, im down. we are having a spring outdoor wedding with shrimp cocktail bar and everyone is invited. the ceremony will be wonderful and if they want to drown some people during it well whatever my beautiful spouse says

4. Carpenter — no explanation needed i think. she is everything to me on every single level, my love for her is vast and endless and soaring high in the sky. she has never and i say NEVER done anything that i would think is unattractive. i will forever and ever hold her in my heart. also DAMN her voice-

5. The Saint Electric — id fuck her. straight up. please don’t ask me why she is so high on the list

6. Hayward — when he is extremely pathetic or extremely goofy. he makes me laugh that’s all i need from a fictional man. also that one occasion in the end of s1 when he was screaming wildly i think that’s was hot i mean who said that-

7. Paige — putting fucking hayward over paige feels like blasphemy but i can’t help the way i feel. Fighting against doom is so hot. Yes baby quit your marketing job to birth a god. Can i run away with you? Also when she is angry and determined and her voice is sharp with frustration and- well you get it

8. Faulkner — when he is being insane or using that ridiculous goofy ass evil cult leader voice. i said what i said.

9. Shrue — when they are in the middle of a mental breakdown or beating the shit out of Carson. i love how they sound when they are distressed and at the end of their fucking rope<3

10. Cross — yep. you heard me. i won’t even apologize or deny this. baby, are you perchance looking for a 4th ex-wife? tbh would love to ruin this man even further. he is 1. hilarious (big time) 2. pathetic (BIG time) and that’s all i need to like a fictional man

11. Charity — idk i think we could have fun, she’d chase me through the woods and then… well, i digress

12. Carson — now NOW everyone STEP BACK and put your rifles down let me explain— this poisonous slug of a man is the most disgusting, sinister, sleazy, inhuman, heartless, cruel, reprehensible thing i have ever witnessed. i want to garrote the living shit out of him and smash his head through a concrete wall. and maybe in this unrepentant desire for violence against this man there is something slightly sexually charged?.. i… honestly don’t know and i will not examine it. also he talks as if he is constantly whimsically kicking his feet which makes me want to kill both him and myself.

[goddessxdivine]

The Pitt - Episode 8

•the show does a good job of showing humanity both at its worst, and through it efforts of being better. it does a really good job of showing the shortcomings of the US healthcare system as well

•i literally cried so bad when that little girl died from drowning. then her little sister saying that she was only in the pool to save her and drawing her that get well card … yeah i lost it. this show focusing on things that happen in everyday life (not just shocking discoveries of medical anomalies) really makes the impact feel even more real. it’s not uncommon to hear the story of a child accidentally drowning even if the pool was fenced and that news is always devastating

•so glad Ginger’s daughter didn’t abandon her. that would’ve been so sad. but her accidentally falling asleep being why she didn’t pick up further proves the point that primary caregivers need support and that needs to be more easily accessible. if they hadn’t gone to the hospital and interacted with Dr. King they might’ve never known of other options

•Dr. Santos … girl! after last week’s episode where we’re given a bit more of her background, i can understand her “sharp around the edges. trust my gut”nature. however, the thing with the vial and bringing it up it to Dr. Garcia just isn’t smart. there’s a hierarchy and seniority in almost every field so being basically at the bottom of the totem pole and accusing someone above you of using hospital drugs is something to do with much caution. yet you’re telling me this girl who is headstrong and self-assured in her smartness thought the smart thing to do, as an intern, was accuse her superior of drug abuse to her other superior? it’d be different if she’d been observing him long enough to have substantial evidence. but it’s been one shift and the issue with the vial could be attributed to her having an off day before people suspect Langdon (who doesn’t seem like it) to be functional addict

•Dr. Collins miscarrying then having a case where a 6 year old died from accidental drowning and doing the honor walk for the 18 year old accidental overdose omg she’s had such a day! she was miscarrying in real time and still had to do her job, women go through so much. I’m curious to see how that affects the rest of her shift. Nurse Dana is the only one at work who knew about her pregnancy and now Dr. Robby suspects too so it’ll be interesting to see those interactions. plus it seems like basically a confirmation that Robby wasn’t the father of Collins’ baby. however, he obviously cares about her more personally because of their history so it’d be nice to see a comforting moment between them.

•SEASON 2 CONFIRMED!!! I’m so happy to see where they’ll go from here. personally I don’t think the current format of each episode being one hour of one shift is sustainable, at least not for (main) character growth. but idk what that would look like if they shift the format. watching the show feels like im spending the day shadowing doctors and i appreciate the show not overdramatizing the lives of the doctors like greys anatomy would. but id like to see ~some~ more of their personal lives. no shade to grey’s, i watched it for a long time but this show feels like it’s meant to be different from the rest of the medical dramas that have been airing in the last 20 years

•can’t believe we’re more than halfway through s1 already. hopefully it airs yearly cause a two year wait might drive me insane

[changbinsboobs]

who in skz would mtl marry someone due to getting them pregnant by acting recklessly or on implusive behaviours without using protection or if they were drunk per se?

Skz MTL to marry someone cuz of accidental pregnancy

So as with most men when faced with a difficult question or decision they evaded the question and situation and put the burden of that on the woman💀 im not very satisfied with the kind of "answers" i got but im gonna do my best. Just gonna say that they have no idea how they would go about it and they would feel terrible - like overall thats the predominant energy. But imma go into details now.

Chan

He really, really doesn't want to. And im either getting the vibe that he would like the kid to be aborted (if the moms also on board), cuz he won't be there to provide any support and he doesn't want the responsibility of it. Or on the other hand im getting an energy where he's gonna just suck it up and bear the consequences of his reckless actions, no matter the price. Idk which ones the more prevelent one tho, so may be his inner wish vs what he actually does.

Lee Know

Would think lots and lots abot the whole situation including if he wants to keep the baby or not. Either way, if the mom decides to keep it he'll provide financial security for sure! Im not really seeing anything about being a father or marriage - but he wants to act correctly in the matter as much as possible so im not really sure here either im not getting any answers on the marriage thing but im definitely getting confirmation on him being at least financially supportive whit whatever the woman and the child may need and im actually getting a friendship relationship at least. So even if they don't get married he will be a present figure every once in a while in his child's life.

Changbin

He would be ABSOLUTELY DEVASTATED!!!!! But he will marry here. I was actually a bit unsure while drawing the cards but now that im immersing myself in this energy i think in his head there's no other way about this. How can he fail his duties as a man and impregnate a woman he had no intentions on marrying or impregnating and then leaving her on her own?! With HIS child?!?! Tarnishing her honor?!?!!? Being an embarrassment and failure to his family? Bringing shame upon them?!?!! He could NEVER do that. And thats why he's so devastated because he feels like such a failure for being so reckless and doing such a fatal, life changing mistake. And the worst of all - he wants to marry for love. But probably he wouldn't. Because if he loves the woman he's sleeping with, this child wouldn't be accidental in the way that its unwanted. No matter what he would embrace it with all his being. But if the pregnancy causes anxiety in him, then its not the woman for him, and now he's forced to marry a woman he doesn't love, while the love of his life is somewhere out there looking for him, waiting. And he feels like he's disappointing her even too, because he can't go out and find her, as he has to stay home with his wife and raise a child that was unwanted, that's not HIS (destined) child.

(I swear that guys into some spiritual shit) (Also i feel like exagerates the hefthiness of the situation i think, but thats another thing i notice in a lot of men where they just make such a big deal of things and make it all so complicated ugh...drama queens)

Hyunjin

My guy would welcome it with open arms. Not seeing specifically marriage, but i think he would be pretty excited about being a dad and i can see him being easily persuaded into marriage for the greater good of the child. Arrangements can be made along the way. The energy's very easy-going and uncomplicated which actually surprises me a bit but out of all i think he has the best energy about this.

Han

Short and sweet: he doesn't have to worry about that (que a smug smile)

(Do with that what you want)

Felix

I don't think he would marry. He wants his autonomy, his freedom. He will provide support tho, and he's ready to work something out that works for both (all) parties. Im seeing him also being fully ready to be a father figure if needed, being of constant help in many different ways. But i don't think he'll tie himself down like that.

Seungmin

No

I.N

This one's the most difficult to read i dont even know what i should right on here cuz its all so muffled. For your information he has The Moon card and the energy here's so gloomy and sticky and damp and muffled. I think if he gets faced with the news he would go into a minor depression for a while, all kinds of voiced ing at him, not being able to find the right path, i think he would be a mess and not know ANYTHING. He wont know how he feels about the baby, if he wants to keep it or not, if he likes the girl, if he wants to marry, if he wants to marry HER, about his parents, about her parents, he will just have one big hole in his mind but at the same time thousand of different voices and thoughts all around him suffocating him so in short - i think he'll be in a state where he's completely incapable of doing whatever it was and more or less leave the girl be completely on her own, which lead me to believe that eventually he'll abandon her and not marry her cuz the energy gives me similar vibes. Being in a frozen state not giving a definitive no but not a yes either, not giving anything - equals abandonment in my opinion. If you're not gonna be there mentally anyways then whats the use?

As in lots of my readings i feel like the maknea line wasn't very vocal and didn't have much to say about this but the older once had plenty to say apparently😂 maybe thats a genuine fear they've had flow in their head every once in a while😂

Most

1.Hyunjin / Changbin

2.Lee Know

3.Chan

4.Felix

5.I.N

6.Seungmin

Least

Hans outside of the table cuz my guy doesn't habe to worry about that apparently🙌🏻

[astropookie]

astro observations that i founded in my notes

*birth chart placements

star dream

taurus moon: they’re so CALM and so comforting. my histrionic energy 🤪 at first didn’t understand but just accept it. Sometimes I have the urge to smack them or shake their shoulders so they can “wake up”. They seem high, in a way they seem to accept things as how they come -but I really doubt it- (it’ll resonate more on the ones with mercury 12H at pisces degree) -I only know them for like 2 weeks-. THEY LOOK SO FUCKING COMFORTABLE OR CALM. When they’re panicking they don’t rise their voice BUT I’ve seen another taurus moon with a lot of cancer and Leo placements that’s the total opposite - I wanted to point it out bc it surprised me how tf they look so in tune with everything but at the same time their expression say otherwise-. UPDATE: she left. And that makes me wanna point out another thing. (she also has a pisces rising) —->

Pisces risings ALWAYS -idk how to bring this up- make their actions seem irresponsable or the situations they go trough are really unexpected. The other day, out of nowhere, a friend disappeared and told me she wasn’t going to stay. She didn’t specified anything. Too suden. They act or -I want to believe- their life makes them take decisions that can seem irresponsable, impulsive or egoist. I knew her for fourth weeks and then she disappeared, not specifying what was the situation. Everyone was asking me what happened and she left me the weight? the responsibility of telling everyone something I couldn’t tell (bc she told me it was a secret and I didn’t told them exactly). My ex best friend is a pisces rising and he always made decisions that affected not only him but their loved ones in a devastating way. He always passed the barrier of limits only bc he wanted and he could. He knew how much weight the situations held and even knowing that he minimized them. I’m not saying every pisces rising is like that. BC THEYRE NOT. Don’t generalize or take my observation as a way of justifying others actions. It’s complex. That’s based on what I observed, it’s completely subjective. So pls don’t take advantage of this and benefit yourself to hate on others. UPDATE: She changed careers, to major in communication to medicine. THAT’S A WHOLE CHANGE. SHE JUST TOLD ME. (with majority of air elements)

I’ve noticed that pisces risings are always questioning if they look good physically. They ask “Do I look good?” and if you say yes, they’ll be like “What do you mean that I look good? Specify. Do I look good meh or do I look good good?”

If you order an Aquarius and Capricorn prominent person, they will not do what you ordered them. They don’t like to be told what to do, to not be able to process and question that order and simply bc you’re telling them what to do, you’re demanding them. They only can do THAT -order people-, if you’re not informed 🙄

oN tHE otHeR hAnD, if you order a Sagittarius prominent person to do something they will not do it but not bc they’re mad at you, like the case of Saturn rulers. No, they’ll not do it. They’ll joke about it and ignore it bc they don’t feel free, to not be allowed or able to choose and the most important thing: bc they can.

The life of people with Venus 7H turns around relationships, romantic relationships? A really lovely friend I have always suffer bc he gives too much of his energy on relationships, friendships, every type/aspect. He came out of his almost 2 years relationship -he was very mature about it, also he was really broken when it happened obviously but he knew how to overcome it and im proud of him 😭-, now, time have passed but not too much -I’m not judging him. I didn’t thought about it till now, 3-2 months😟🤪😚- and he already told me he is starting to like someone and that he kissed her and I’m proud of him BUT HOW TF YOU LIKE SOMEONE SO EASILY AND START SOMETHING WITH SOMEONE IN A ROMANTIC PURE WAY. IM LITERALLY SAYING ROMANTIC BC HES REALLY LOYAL, ALWAYS THINKING TOO MUCH ABOUT THEIR PARTNER/LOVED ONES ETC. I FUCKING BLOCK ALL MY FEELINGS LIKE HOW DO YOU ENTER A SOMETHING SMOOTHLY WITHOUT KILLING YOURSELF THINKING THAT YOU CANT HAVE CONTROL OF THE SITUATION OR AAAAAAA

I think I know why my friend with scorpio moon don’t like my other friend with moon and mercury 12H. Scorpio always likes to control the situation, what’s happening, to know everything and to everyone to know nothing but what they want others to know -except for their loved ones?no-. 12H is synonym of “hidden”, they always hide something…-traumatic- that a scorpio may find it often uncomfortable. Why? They don’t know what’s happening easily, they know the other is hiding something. They can’t control it. They have to make an effort. They don’t like when people on purpose hide something. Scorpio moons are intuitive ASF. They don’t like your fake smile. My scorpio moon friend told me “I don’t like her. She hides something” and yes, my mercury/moon 12H friend does. She is always smiling and daydreaming, she’s not direct. She told me about her past situations that were certainly traumatic, there were a lot of changes in her life and my scorpio moon friend knows she hides THAT something.

—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•

❀ Based on my personal experience and what I’ve analyzed in my surroundings.

❀ English is not my first language.

❀ I’m not a profesional astrologer.

Thank youu. baibaiii🫣🫶🏼💋

Do not copy. Please give me credits.

[wormeats]

some stuff i want to say, bc it seems a lot of the time mostly only Jewish people speak up about antisemitism

it is antisemitic to claim zionism is across the board evil and fucked up and to wish violence on zionists. Israel exists and people live there and there has been a devastating war that has caused humanitarian crises in Gaza, but Israel is not evil, it has a right to exist and didnt just steal a bunch of land and start wars out of nowhere, the history is actually more complicated than "colonization", and while war is fucked up and horrifying, truly horrific, it is not the same as genocide. genocide is the systematic eradication of a group of people, and while civilian casualities have been horrific, that is why war is so fucking terrible and traumatizing.

Hamas also has contributed a lot to civilian casualties in the way they operated. celebrating and supporting Hamas is fucking horrendous. there can be reasons young people become so radicalized and violent, but that is Not something to cheer on as some sort of resistance movement when it causes so much devastation for people in Gaza and wishes for the destruction of Israel and Jewish people.

Wishing harm on hostages taken on October 7th or celebrating October 7th in any way is also fucking horrendous. These are human beings, random civilians, real people. they have families and loved ones and communities who are terrified for them and grieving them and it is beyond insensitive to cheer on the suffering from your place of immense privilege in this situation and shows a big lack of humanity/seeing people as human beings. i can't believe i see that shit sometimes (but i also can bc the state of things is dire). I can't know how it feels to see people mocking my loved ones who have been tortured for a year and could be killed at any moment or already dead, that must feel so awful, and to know that even if you dont have a connection to the hostages, it could be you or your family as someone who is Jewish or has loved ones in Israel. living in Israel is not a crime or moral failing, living in any country is not a moral failing what the hell. if you can understand people are not their governments for many other countries, why is Israel so hard to see that way for so many people? (antisemitism)

I'm really glad for this ceasefire and wish the best for Gaza/Palestine and its people and have a lot of hope for them to rebuild and recover from all this devastation (scared of shit trump has been saying though, what the fuck. thats a whole other thing tho, i am grieving the election still and scared and trying my best)

it has been so horrible to see antisemitism grow from this and to see such concentrated hatred for anyone who associates with Jewishness in the "wrong" way. the way antizionism has grown so much and into a "fuck all zionism" mentality is horrible. zionism has been warped to mean genocide supporter, and that is fucking horrible bc Judaism has references to it and intercommunity discussions around it, it is in some ways an inextricable part of Jewish culture to some and many people just see it as Israel is doing genocide and shouldn't exist

idk i just dont want anyone to be hurt, war is always horrible and the crisis in Gaza is horrifying, and ive also seen a huge rise in antisemitism in different forms and i hate it and wanted to say some stuff to make my positions clear so that's what im doing now

you can criticize the Israeli government and its actions without being antisemitic ofc, but this is referring to all the hamas support and wishing violence on Israel and thinking all zionists want genocide.

anyone feel free to talk to me about this if it is concerning or upsetting to you somehow, but if you arent a friend or mutual or follower and some random person who disagrees, i can also talk to you but im not a voice with any kind of authority on this stuff, i just have been kinda horrified when i see hamas support or people celebrating Israeli deaths and thinking the hostages deserve the horrible traumas that have happened or should die etc etc etc. horrible. why are you dehumanizing an entire country. (antisemitism is why.) horrible horrible horrible.