#IDK man I'm very tired
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something about reading that scene where Kaz pulls out Oomens eye is oddly therapeutic to me
#idk man#i'm very tired#and very gay#I know he's insane that just makes him hotter stfu#kaz brekker#six of crows#Kaz brekker my beloved
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Ok I know I'm heavily biased here but like I kinda love that Astarion's romance is one of the few in this type of video game where you basically end up canonically unmarried and childfree in his "good" ending? Just travelling the world??
Like it's honestly the millennial dream lmfaoo cannot believe i chose what would undoubtedly be my favorite option, first try
#also love that he's basically atheist like ok thanks you made the man exactly coded to be my type#and the humor and beautiful curly hair is very much something my IRL partner has too so like... how can i resist#anyways not sure a lot of people relate cause i think a lot of people want that fairytale romance#even tho wyll is right there yall#but i love me an unconventional or nontraditional one!!#i'm TIRED of being married with children as the endgame pls let's not do it#also a lot of people seem into him being a dad and im like... how? why? where in canon did he ever lmfao#more power to ya if you dig it but i just dont see it being in character#like in DAI i loved cullen and my inquisitor getting married and having a dog#and they seem the type to wants kids one day. but Tav & Astarion? lol no#i just think it's neat#is this a hot take? i have no idea but i don't see it mentioned a lot as a new fan tbh#pls do not come at me you can enjoy whatever you like#i haven't seen the ascended stuff so idk if being his 'consort' is like being his bride#but i feel like overall it's not and the vibe isn't all that different in this sense#except that you're hosting evil parties instead of travelling :/#Astarion#bg3 spoilers#baldur's gate 3#baldur's gate 3 spoilers#bg3#also YEA he's nice to Arabella but you can tolerate certain kids without wanting one or being 'good parent' material#case in point: me lmfao#OKAY update i saw the AA stuff and yeah you're kind of implied vamp married and he does mention spawn as children 😫#but he also says in banter he won't make any other spawn??? so what is it dude#anyway that's also clearly the “bad” route and he doesn't seem as happy as unascended#who feels “truly free”#and if you're durge I'm pretty sure its even worse to consider having kids?? lol#but i digress#pk plays bg3
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HELP! I've fallen down a Bering and Wells hole again and can't stop watching fanvids. I misssssss them!!! 😢
#I'm also thinking about a platonic Pete & Myka soulmate AU and all the bickering that would come with it#Like Pete trying to feel out what the rules are for him dating someone if she and him are soulmates#and Myka's like 'I literally never want to talk about who you have sex with ever'#“But-” / “NOPE! Just do whatever you want Pete!”#And then later as joke (but delivered completely seriously) she says she wants full approval of any serious relationship he has#And she'll be the one planning the proposal for him#(No no no! That's not happening.)#Actually! She might just play matchmaker for him too because she's not sure she can trust his judgement#... or his ability to make a good first impression.#“You wanted my input remember?” / “Not like that!”#And then even LATER when she meets Amanda for the first time she's like 'Wow that's your ex-wife? Man you really fucked up there."#“Yeah thanks for that Myka. That's very helpful.”#“No chance of winning her back?”#“Winning back my ex-wife who's about to be remarried? No I think that ship has sailed.”#“Yeah.... My ex girlfriend is a hologram now so at least this is a step up from that.”#“I never agreed to HG being your girlfriend.”#“.... Yeah but I wanted to.”#“.... Okay this is getting way too gloomy for a wedding day. We need to stuff ourselves with cake.”#Warehouse 13#Myka Bering#Pete Lattimer#Helena Wells#Bering and Wells#my fic#(I guess accidentally in the tags lol)#(idk I'm tired man. My head is all over the place today :P)
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y'know what, i've had it. from now on, every arcane character who doesn't have an explicit love interest in the show is aro, ace, or aroace.
viktor? aroace.
sevika? aro lesbian.
ambessa? aro bisexual.
jinx and ekko? demi aces, both of them.
silco? heimerdinger? grayson? aroace, the whole lot. jayce and mel are straight, cait and vi are lesbians, everyone else is aro, ace, or both. end of story.
#nah but fr tho viktor is textbook aroace#which actually doesn't detract from his relationship with jayce at all#it only adds to it really#cause to viktor jayce is the single most important relationship in his life#they're partners#they're best friends#they're family#but then jayce goes off on his romantic shit with mel smh#that's just the way the allos be#(to clarify i love jayce and mel together no hate to them)#also jinx gives me HUGE ace vibes#and ekko gives me serious demi vibes too#oh and silco also feels very aroace coded tbh#but i've yet to see a SINGLE post discussing these possibilities#idk man i'm so tired of all this allonormativity#arcane#viktor#jinx#ekko#asexual#aromantic#asexuality#aromanticism#aroace
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quick and loose (24 hours and counting) thing i tried to finish before move-in i'm calling it here i was defeated 😔 let's see if i can finish it before classes actually start (no) featurnig partial view of my krita setup (default) god be with ye all i need to be doing last minute packing in five-odd hours and then i will not sleep for four entire months god be with y'all
#ian beale#mira ramachandran#wip#art wip#look guys if i finish this it'll usurp what i think is the what a creep animation as my longest finished ian project#if things go to plan my other project will dwarf this#has already dwarfed it at least threefold i think#my courseload last semester was so light that i had like twenty hours free each week to do rb art#and do other responsibilities and have a social life i think i only turned down social activities once for it#i'm expecting to get obliterated this semester though so if i don't finish this#and i don't want to flunk out and i'm not wrong#and if i actually have self control#like 50/50 may not have art for a while. but maybe not look guys i'm so good at not getting sleep#man idk how to write dialogue is been a hot minute#will i delete this wip later maybe idk i'm frazzled and tired i really shouldn't be on this rn#anyways it was a great summer with all of you!!!!#had a great time pushing myself creatively and artistically#very inspired#thank you all
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questioning sexuality is so exhausting
#(edit: sorry for the rant in the tags and i just. i want someone to talk to me)#i keep on doing it for no apparent reason#someone was talking about lust yesterday and i realised today that.#even tho id thought i don't experience it. i possibly do. but exclusively towards women.#i hate it here!#for a multitude of reasons i will never have a relationship with a woman but! i may be incapable of having a relationship with a man!#at some point in the last few months i have abruptly pivoted from definitely wanting marriage and kids to being ambivalent on marriage#and not wanting kids. that's such an outlier in my life that it might just be a mental health thing tho idk#but at the same time i. want to be loved.#i don't know what i want anymore and im tired of questioning myself#i definitely overthink it but idk how to stop it#and i hate hate hate how the moral obsessions have bee lately#this isn't entirely related but it kind of is#like Am i a terrible morally bankrupt person for having certain thoughts or is it just religious ocd go brrrr?? am i overthinking it?#i don't know. i don't know!#for a while labelling myself as arospec ace kinda calmed that down but. i don't know#i do't want to be attracted to women. i don't want to have to look away so often. i don't want any of that.#but i don't know how to stop it.#i don't even know if i'm attracted to men at all.#this is a cry for help and encouragement and prayers no matter what your views on these matters are#queer stuff tag#i nearly fessed up to my friend yesterday about same sex attraction and i might've except that it would have probably outed me as#the person who anonymously sent in a question several months ago about the side b movement to a church thing#ive only told one person at church about any of that sort of stuff and it was very vaguely worded#also see: this friend is the mother of the boy i?? i don't even know how i feel about him#i increasingly think it wasn't romantic at all. but i don't know#i would love any encouragement you got. anything at all.#i don't know how much this stuff is affected by the fact that i consider myself unloveable and think it highly unlikely any boy will ever#care for me#now im rambling. sorry
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I just don't think an author should edit the racist (or otherwise problematic) shit they wrote out of an edition of their book, let the other editions go out of print, and not at least leave a note acknowledging that they made the edits because they wrote something problematic and they apologize, but if you're buying this book you should probably know that it had content you may find offensive.
#romance novel blogging#people are discussing the kleypas edits again and i'm just very tired of my fellow whites going#'but see i don't wanna read that racism! i'm glad she's editing it out'#lol like..... maybe the issue is less the edits and more the lack of ownership...?#maybe the edits when made without a note suggest less of a moral motive and more of a 'make the books sellable' motive#and it's probably SOME OF BOTH#god knows i can't speak for her#but if you don't admit you did something and attempt to erase it idk man will never sit well with me#(AND KEV AND CAM ARE STILL WEIRDLY WRITTEN!!!!!)#idk i also think that people especially white people need to sometimes reconcile w the fact that authors we love#have often written shit we don't agree with#especially if the author has been working forever#and i say this as someone who loves kleypas's books#i'll also say that the depiction of joyce in my favorite kleypas book dreaming of you is messed up!#there's some really weird homophobic shit that happens when she threatens to SA sara to see what derek was getting out of her#i would rather know that was in there than not
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my family all of a sudden seems very concerned about the prospect of my brother moving in with his GF and me living alone.... as if I didn't live here by myself for a year+ when I first moved in and was much younger then and the house needed TONS of work and somehow I still survived.......
#everyone but my dad tho it seems lol#realistically I've been kinda on my own since like middle school... it isn't really anything new for me#I mean this hasn't even been like... set in stone. it's not like he came home last week and was like#I'm leaving!#but everyone seems very oddly invested in the fact that I'll be by myself#like bro I LOVED living alone are you KIDDING me?#and like lmao I am still the one paying ALL the bills (I don't wanna talk abt it)... buying my food... buying all the cat stuff#it's not like I'm losing income if I live alone.... so idk what everyone is so concerned about#creepy old guy who used to stalk me across the street DIED last year lmao so like.........#idk man#I'm tired. I haven't even STARTED thanksgiving prep and shopping and I'm TIRED. it's not even election DAY proper and I'm TIRED#NOvember. NOcember. NOuary. that's it. just NO. don't ask me for shit or voice an opinion. NO.#erin explains it all#delete later#probs lmao I'm just so TIRED jfc
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this week's episode was freaking GOOD but i am now more confused than ever about who the actual killer(s) may be ...
x: "may i ask you who do you think the culprit is?"
my honest reaction:
#omitb#omitb s4#omitb spoilers#i don't even know what to say#who do we know who's lefthanded ???#it's weird seeing the trio outside that building btw#how did howard find doreen's husband's phone number ????#how did bev melon know wherr the trio was hiding ????#and wth is she always bringing with her in that damn trolley ?!?!#I AM SO HAPPY OLIVER AND LORETTA ARE ENGAGED AAAHHHHH#also very funny (and gay) how doreen thought charles was the reason why oliver was feeling so down and troubled and worried#I LOVE MABEL SO MUCH#her 'what is my life?' line was SO RELATABLE#i do hopw the writers will keep her single for a while 'cause my girl is so much more than a few situationships and her personality needs#to be fully portrayed on screen#I GOT SIDETRACKED I AM SORRY#anyways still have no idea who might have poisoned winnie#or left the note on jan's door#or killed dudenoff#or killed sazz#or put cameras in all the rooms at the arconia just to spy them all#MAYBE LEISTER THE DOORMAN ?????#idk man i'm tired#and stupid#very stupid#i will be reading your theories smart people#4771
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being an adult is all fun and games until i have to take my cat to the vet for urinary inflammation and myself to the dentist for a massive cavity and infection in the same fucking day 🙃🙃🙃
i'm so tired
#at least he doesn't have a blockage#i cried so much this morning i was so worried#but he should be okay#they gave me pain meds for him and also gave him a shot to help the inflammation at the vet so#also my face hurts#and i need a root canal#but it's gonna be $3600 total and i don't have insurance#and it's only $600 or so total to get it pulled#but i don't wanna lose my tooth#but i'm pretty sure i've had issues with this tooth before so like#idk it might be easier to just pull it#anyways i'm fucking tired#it was a very long day#and very expensive 😭😭#(although god bless my friend for being moral support and helping me cover the vet bill)#i'm gonna eat dinner and take my antibiotics for my face infection#and then i'm going to go the fuck to bed bc i have to bus across the city for work tomorrow#fml#when it rains it fucking pours man#feel like a hurricane is hitting my life rn#fuck#personal rambles#ignore this#not stargate
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Redraw time! Nearly a decade between these.
The first one is the first art I posted on the internet, as soon as my parents let me make a deviantart account. I was thirteen and used to draw this kind of thing a lot.
The second I drew last night at 2am because I wanted to make 13yr old me happy and also i got possessed by the sleepy art demon.
[ID: Image 1 - a coloured pencil drawing of an "anime style" girl taking a selfie with takanuva from bionicle. The girl has pale freckled skin, long brown hair in a low ponytail, and a slim green vest top. One arm holds up the camera, and the girl and takanuva each have one arm around the other's back. They're smiling with their eyes closed and the background is a sunny view of the sea and a beach with a sand castle. There's some sun glare in the corner of the picture, wispy clouds, and the sea has sparkles on it.
Image 2 - a digital drawing of a person taking a selfie with takanuva. The person has pale freckled skin, an underbite, long brown hair with growing out buzzed sides tied in a ponytail, and a black tshirt with the sleeves cut off. They have chipped black nails, an ear cuff and a couple bracelets including a rainbow one. They are grinning and are making a peace sign. Takanuva's eyes are making a happy expression and he is also making a peace sign (or perhaps failed bunny ears) behind the person. The background is a blue sky with wispy clouds and a beach. End ID]
My art has changed a lot, and I've grown so much, but some things have certainly stayed the same lol
#bionicle#redraw#takanuva#kid me put so much effort into figuring out drawing bionicle#I think they'd be so happy to see how I draw them now#not to get too deep on silly bonkle selfie drawing#but kid me couldn't picture how i could ever be me and an adult#I didn't know i was allowed to be like any of the things i am now#i couldn't imagine being a woman and i'm not#i couldn't imagine growing out of the things i adored and i haven't#i couldn't imagine myself being happy as an adult and even though a lot of things do suck I am#idk man looking at them side by side experiencing feelings i wanna give that kid a hug#life is fleeting and ever changing but bonkles are forever lol#anyway yeah this isn't a masterpiece or anything i just figured it'd be nice to put it here#please excuse text mistakes i am very tired as usual
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just saw someone call muslim women opressed and op, who made fluttershy a literal hijabi, agree with them 💕
#“I only made her a hijabi bc of representation but I don't like the religion itself” what do you even. Huh#yknow if you very much agree with an islamphobe who's literally misrepresenting our religion and has clearly never read the quran before-#then maybe I don't really want that 'representation' coming from you!#what the islamphobe was talking abt wasn't about islam. it was about the fucking governments themselves forcing islam onto people#seperate people from the religion itself before you start shittalking abt that religion thanks#levi's ted talks#not ninjago#idk man I'm just tired#twitter is chockfull of islamphobes apparently
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venting in the tags
#i have noticed that when i have a very good day#a very bad day comes along#and today is very bad#and sometimes#i just wish i got the same energy of how i help people back when im very much struggling#and recently#man#i don't know#the one day i could use a friend#it just kinda sucks cause like yeah i have these online friends#but irl? 🙃#like wow i would very much like to leave my house and maybe like get into some dumb shit idk go thrifting or something#the fact my dad actually took me to half price books and dropped me off to see bikeriders was a miracle in itself#being in my house today was so draining and i'm tired and like idk. idkkkkkk#i had to lay in bed and write a little because i so badly needed to take my mind off things#anyway#sigh#what can u do. truly.
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Long Vent under read more
TLDR: Tired, Lonely, unhappy with living situation
These past 2 and a half years, especially these past six months have really nailed in just how stifled and suffocated I feel, there was a point where living with my aunt and grandma felt good, I felt loved and comfortable for once, I've lived with them for 8 years of my adult life, but the older I get, the more I realized this is just another restrictive household where I have to walk on eggshells. I have to pretend to be Christian, I have to pretend to be cis and straight, have to pretend I don't have mental problems, and when I'm angry, its always chalked up to be my period, and they always treat me like a child, and its getting more and more obvious as the years go by. I don't get to go out much, in the past two years, the only times I was out of the house for days, was when I was in the hospital, and despite the pain I endured there, I felt sad to leave, and I cried when I was given the OK to go back to work, I hated going back to normal. And the other time, very recently, was when I got to hang out with my best friend for a few days, and it was great! I loved it!! But it was so short lived, it was the only time I was comfortable being myself in public. and I hated going back to normal again. I don't really get to partake in hobbies until maybe when my aunt and grandma fall asleep, and even then I'm too tired to do much of anything. My time is never considered, scheduled for my first PT session? Oh family is coming over and they're going to borrow the car, work? Oh we're going to go eat out with a friend at the Cheesecake Factory, final doctors appointment? Oh I'm getting my hair dyed, Hang out with my friend that was planned for months that I made sure they knew about? we're going on a cruise!!! and many such cases, doesn't matter if I tell them, and put it on the calendar. Sure the house they live in is pretty nice and its good to actually have AC, wifi and my own room for the first time in a long time but, I really only get to exist in my room, if I'm lucky, and they're out of town for a few days, I can finally exist in the living room and I actually don't mind cleaning and I'm able to cook! When my grandma and aunt can't criticize every little thing. I wouldn't mind living by myself, with friends, or even the small chance of having decent roommates, I want to be around people I actually like being around, I want to partake in hobbies at any hour of the day, I just want out, I want to be able to live my life
#its been a very revealing six months#for my sanity and the sake of tumblrs text limit I kept it as short as I possibly could#it makes them sound uniquely 'terrible' but they are just so Retired Old People as they can be#if anything it just gives me more motivation to get out of retail hell and hope I can eventually save up to get out#how and where? idk!! just. eventually#I try so hard to play nice but it always strays back into People Pleaser territory#while I can't hang out with work friends bc we all work front end#I'm gonna try to see if I can hang out with my spl@oon buddies who also live in AZ#if you actually read all this i'm sorry lol. just have so much pent up frustration#and I need to get it out before I go back to work#just angry and tired all the time and not much I can do irl to Not Be Like This#like on one hand. they absolutely deserve their retirement!!! working sucks!! especially with Walmart#but on the other. man. I just don't want to Be Here while they're here All The Time
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gonna be honest obey me fandom is weirdly fixated on hating mephistopheles. like, he was barely even rude to the mc in comparison to the brothers in season 1 and honestly i don’t even think most of the people being weird about him have even read season 4? like idk man seems a LITTLE iffy to me 🤷♂️
#obey me mephistopheles#obey me#obey me shall we date#i'm entering my mephisto era because u guys are legitimately annoying me now#he's so benign hes literally just a guy#obey me fandom just sees anyone with a slightly darker skintone and instantly acts obsurd#it's so funny when its lucifer stans too... like love him but uhh. he almost killed mc several times bestie#mephisto is simply so milquetoast in comparison to the brothers dfkjgkdkjdfg#idk like even talking about his stuff with the brothers being ex-angels#he's not even as bad as the brothers about humans in season 1 anyway#or luke ?#AND his relationship with luke in season 4 showed growth even with him having EXTREMELY limited screentime#idk man it's ALMOST like it's part of the game's themes whoda thunk#anyway hes mine now <3 don't look at my pathetic guy <3#i'm so serious i'm VERY tired of obm's inequality between characters#i'm only here for barbatos and mephisto now it seems
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the way Kaneshiro is edging us with this match...
#sorry for using that word but idk how else to express this#lol#im very excited to see who'll win but at the same time I'm so tired of waiting AAAAAAA#also where are Ness Kunigami and Shidou?#ah man how many chapters are left so im able to see my wife Ness?#bllk#blue lock#bllk 286
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