#IDK can I watch you play this it makes me feel uncomfortable and sick

[niuniente]

And it's not just the imagery that's upsetting, the lore and stories are, too! Every single item you get comes with a really sad story, like "Eduardo was a skilled robe maker. People came from close and far to buy his reliable robes which didn't break under any pressure. Eduardo valued his skills until he was hung with his own robe."

Look, Blasphemous is a great game. That’s undeniable. But, I also can’t play it for more than a couple hours because of the uniquely upsetting imagery that I’m constantly bombarded with.

Which is to say, Blasphemous is an amazing game that I’d recommend to anyone. Yes, even my grandmother.

[b2cute]

Tense

matt and fem!reader

warnings: use of y/n, fluff, pet names, that’s it enjoy :)

word count: idk

*y/ns pov*

I drop my bags almost immediately after entering the triplets house. It was finally the weekend and they, mostly Matt, invited me to spend the night after work. I wasted no time saying yes since I was free and find myself now heading up the stairs into their LA house. I throw my shoes off nearby the second case of stairs and walking to Matt’s bathroom to freshen up.

I figured they were all in their rooms doing their own thing so I decided to throw a movie on the couch as to not bother them. I across through netflix until a show caught my eye as I begin to watch.

*matts pov*

It’s been about two hours since y/n was supposed to be home and honestly, she was starting to worry me. She hasn’t entered my room at all or contacted me. Ending the livestream, I head over to the kitchen to grab my phone and call her when I see an arm with painted acrylics hanging from the white plush couch.

I smiled to myself and headed over to see y/n sprawled out on top of the pillows in what seemed like the most uncomfortable position known to man. “Y/n, y/n sweetheart come to my room it’s freezing out here” I whisper in an attempt to soothe her already furrowed eyebrows. “What?” She questions, rubbing her eyes with her hands and lifting herself off the couch. She immediately winces from the pain in her back. “Let’s go sweet girl, I’ll take care of you just get changed and go lay in bed” I whisper, leaning over to plant a short but sweet kiss on her lower cheek.

With that y/n gets up from bed and heads over to my room while I tidy up the living room and take her phone to place on the charger. I head over to the kitchen fill up a cold glass of water how she likes it and shuffle into the bedroom.

The lights were dim with my computer screen flashing white, and the black silk covers were hidden with y/n on top of them. I make my way over to the monitor and shut the computer down as I change out of my clothes, leaving my boxers on. I look over to see y/n tensed up on the bed with a distressed expression painted on her tired face. “What’s bothering you, my love? Talk to me” I say as I climb into the bed hovering over her. “My back, it’s hurting from god knows what” she replies. My heart aches to see her in pain. Whenever I’m sick she calls out of work to take care of me, and here I was feeling helpless. “Oh baby” I whisper leaning to give her a light hug where she tenses up even more under my touch.

After a moment of holding y/n, an idea pops up in my head. “Baby, can you lay on your stomach for me please?” I ask, my face bright from the idea. Confused, y/n turns around nonetheless and rests on her stomach, her head turned to the right facing Matt. “Okay, this might hurt at first but then it’s going to feel good, I promise” I reassure and I slowly straddle my poor girl.

“Matt, what are you doing, I’m not in the mood” She rolls her eyes and lets out a soft chuckle. “No, baby, not what you think we’re doing just close your eyes and relax— here” I hand her the remote lying next to my pillow, “play some music that will soothe you.

Y/n lets out a soft sigh as she hits a playlist with some of her favorite songs, the first one being my personal favorite too. I let out a content hum and I place my hands and the hem of her hoodie and slowly lift it, careful not to hurt her.

I get up momentarily to grab some moisturizer and come back to see y/n almost drifting to sleep once again. I return to straddle her, resting my weight on her butt to not hurt her, and sink. I begin to lather the moisturizer and carefully carefully spread it through her back.

Y/n tenses up again and furrows her eyebrows, as a way of saying “Too rough.” I quickly stop my tracks and go light as I begin on her lower back, kneading the muscles and massaging them. “Baby, you’re so tight, what’s been bothering you” I question, she shrugs before responding. “I can’t pinpoint exactly what it is, work has been overwhelming, not living with my mom and dad anymore, it’s just starting to get to me a bit, you know?” her response was just a little bit louder than the music behind us “Yes, baby, of course, I understand, moving to LA with Chris and Nick was the last thing I expected to happy to me, but look at here we are, as long as you’re happy with the decisions you make, there should be no reason for you to feel stressed about it, and don’t bottle it up and take it out on yourself, please come talk to me right away, my love” I reassure her and I move my hands up to the middle of her back. She lets out a soft nod and smiles as I work my hands into a circular motion, getting all the knots and undoing them.

After five minutes or so, y/n starts to relax her shoulders, perfect for me to reach over and massage them myself. She lets out a breath that’s been held and immediately relaxes under my touch, for the first time today. As I smile to myself. I bend over to kiss her on the back of her neck, hugging her from behind.

We stayed like this for a while, drifting off to sleep when a loud bang was heard from the kitchen. I quickly sit up, causing y/n to return to consciousness. “What was that” she asks, her voice groggy. “I’ll go check baby,” I say as I crawl out of the bed, the blanket never leaving us.

I head over to the kitchen, annoyed, as I stare at Chris and Nick laughing their asses off. “What’s so hilarious you had to be this loud” I groan, still half-asleep. They just stared at each other momentarily before laughing again, Nick holding onto the counter for stability while Chris cried. “It's just this—” again cut off by more laughing. I glare at the two until I notice the grip of Chris’s phone and a silhouette of my bed displayed. I walk over there and snatch the phone from Chris’s hand, only to see a picture of me and y/n asleep.

I bite back a laugh as I roll my eyes in annoyance, turning to my room. “You guys are ridiculous” I yawn, and all you can hear is their snickers fading away.

I enter the dim room to see y/n perched up against the headboard, her phone in her hand. “Everything alright, Matt?” she asks, tilting her head slightly. “Everything’s fine, baby, let’s just go back to sleep please” I groan, my voice was becoming tired and my eyelids were fighting to stay open. “I’m energized and my back feels amazing. Come here let me make you feel better” she grins, steering and opening her arms.

I waste no time practically jumping onto the bed. I bring my head onto y/n’s chest, my cheeks resting on her breast and my legs on top of hers. My arms snake around her waist and my eyes shut due to the lack of sleep I've had. “Get some rest, pretty boy” she whispers. Y/n’s hand played with my messy hair as she reached over to plant a kiss on my forehead. “Mm- love you” I mumble before finally resting, safe in y/n's arms.

The end hoes 😜

taglist:

@mqttittude @luverboychris @knowingnothingnoel @whicked-hazlatwhore @mattsdinosweater @n00dl3zzz @sophssturn @sstvrnioloo @sturnioloenthusiast @lolasturniolo @mattsleftnipple03 @ilovemenwithlonghairr @lacysturniolo @guccifrog @hearts4chriss @sttzee @stunza @fawned01 @sillysillygyal @skyslondon @stu2719962

[reidmania]

sharpest tool | s.reid

(chapter four, motion sickness)

'I hate you for what you did and I miss you like a little kid. i faked it every time but that's alright. i can hardly feel anything, i hardly feel anything at all, I have emotional motion sickness somebody roll the windows down, there are no words in the english language, i could scream to drown you out'

summary; you never had someone make you feel safe enough to open up, until spencer. now trying to cope with his sudden absence you learn to lean on your new found friendship with his coworker, penelope.

warnings; fem reader, mentions of bad relationships, ghosting, commitment issues, self doubt & overthinking, preettyy angsty idk guys, no comfort yet but there is some fluff, and theres penelope & reader friendship!! reader lowkey shit talks spencer but he deserves it. reader is embarrassed & upset. reader is lowkey really mean, but shes coping guys. i think this is my favourite chapter out of all of them.

2.3k words

taglist; @gghostwriter @lavonee @guiltyyassin @spencersinonlygf @criminalmindssworld @iknwreid @fortheloveofgubler @yokaimoon @sapphirecobalt-1 @eddiesdrummergf @livvyliv15 @lover-of-books-and-tea a @sebastiansstanswhore @bloodredrubyrose @sp3ncelle @nemobee777 @jencole214 @hazzarules

SERIES MASTERLIST

The lights are low, casting a soft, warm glow on the room, making it feel almost too cozy for the storm of emotions swirling inside of you. Penelope sits across from you on the other side of the coffee table, her vibrant personality seeming muted for once. She’s not wearing her usual bright colors, just a simple oversized shirt and pajama pants, the kind of clothes that scream comfort. It fits the night. It fits the conversation.

“You want to talk about it?” Penelope asks, voice gentle, but still full of that spark of energy that only she has. There’s no judgment there. Her eyes made you believe there never would be.

Your fingers tug absentmindedly at a loose thread on the hem of your sweatpants, the silence stretching between you like an invisible barrier. But it’s not an uncomfortable silence. Penelope doesn’t push. She doesn’t know you well enough to push. You’re not sure how to start, not sure how to talk about something you’re still struggling to process.

The night had consisted of making cookies, watching sickeningly sweet romance films you both gushed over — there were numerous times you had to stop your mind from drifting to Spencer, and when it did, you felt a sickening ache in your stomach. For the most part, besides those moments where the room fell quiet and your mind drifted, the night had been great.

“He just... stopped,” you whisper, voice barely audible, but Penelope catches it. Her eyes soften, and she leans forward slightly, offering silent encouragement for you to continue. "One day, Spencer was there, and the next... he wasn't. Theoretically of course..”

Spencer was different to anyone else you met, or at least he seemed that way. You thought he understood you. The way he listened, the way his eyes softened when he looked at you, the way he made you feel like you could breathe around him. No one had ever done that for you before. But then, when things had started getting real—when you both were on the verge of making it official—he disappeared. You couldn’t help but wonder if maybe it was a commitment issue thing. Or if he really just had been playing with you the entire time.

“I don’t understand why,” you continue, the words tumbling out faster now, as if saying them out loud will make them make sense. “One day, we were close. He’d text me every morning. He’d ask how I was feeling, what I was doing. He made me feel… seen. Like he actually cared. And then, nothing. No calls, no messages. He just—”

“Ghosted you?” Penelope finishes for you, and the bluntness of the term hits you harder than you thought it would. You nod, feeling the sting of it all over again.

“He just disappeared,” you say, the words coming out harsh, jagged. You laugh bitterly, but there’s no humor in it. “Like I wasn’t even worth an explanation.”

Penelope’s hand reaches across the table, her fingers curling around yours in a comforting squeeze. She doesn’t say anything for a moment, just lets you sit with the weight of your own pain. But her presence, her warmth, makes it feel a little less suffocating.

“I’m so sorry, sweetie,” she murmurs, her thumb brushing over the back of your hand. “Spencer… he’s complicated. I don’t know why he did this to you, but I can tell you for sure, it’s not your fault. It never was.”

You close your eyes for a second, trying to swallow down the hurt, but it lingers there, a dull ache that refuses to fade. It’s not just about Spencer ghosting you; it’s about all the hope you had pinned on him. You thought he was different, thought he could be the person who made you feel safe in a way you had never felt before.

You couldn’t help the embarrassment you felt, all you had been thinking about for days was ‘how could i be so stupid.’ You had your guard up for a reason. You didn’t date for a reason, and the fact that you had let him let you forget that. You were so mad at yourself.

You missed Spencer more than you were willing to admit. Sleep evades you, and when it comes, it’s restless—haunted by the ghost of his touch. Your limbs grew weary, not from movement but from the effort of carrying the silence he left behind.

Your lips twitch into a bitter smile. “Yeah, well, maybe that’s on me. I was stupid for thinking it would be different.”

“No. Absolutely not,” Penelope says firmly, her voice suddenly fierce in a way that surprises you. “No. You were not stupid. You opened up because he made you feel like you could, and that’s on him, not you. He gave you the signals. He made the promises, and then he broke them. Spencer—he’s got his issues. He’s been through a lot, but that doesn’t excuse what he did to you. You deserved better.”

You pull your knees up to your chest, hugging them tightly as Penelope’s words sink in. It’s hard to believe that sometimes, that you deserved better. Spencer had made you feel like you could finally let your guard down, but in the end, it just made the hurt cut deeper. — Maybe thats all you’d ever deserve.

“He made me feel safe,” you admit, your voice breaking slightly. “Which i know sounds stupid— But— I don’t know.. I trusted him.”

“And then he took that away,” Penelope finishes, her voice softening again, filled with understanding. “It’s okay to be hurt. It’s okay to be angry. You opened up to him because you trusted him, and he didn’t treat that trust the way he should have.”

You nod, biting your lip to keep the tears at bay. You hadn’t wanted to cry tonight. You hadn’t wanted to break down. But being here with Penelope, his friend, his co-worker, who was so sweet and so understanding, it’s harder to keep everything bottled up.

“I just don’t get it,” you say, voice shaking. “Why would he make me feel like I mattered, like we were something, and then just leave?”

Penelope sighs, leaning back against the couch. “Spencer’s not great at dealing with his emotions,” she explains gently. “He’s always in his head, analyzing things, trying to make sense of the world. But feelings aren’t always logical. And sometimes… sometimes he runs from things he can’t control.”

You shake your head, a bitter laugh escaping your lips. “Well, he sure ran fast.”

Penelope gives you a sad smile, squeezing your hand again. “I know it doesn’t make it easier, but sometimes people can care about you and still hurt you. It doesn’t mean what you had wasn’t real. It just means he is an idiot.”

You stare down at your hands, the weight of her words settling on your shoulders. Maybe she’s right. Maybe Spencer did care about you in his own way, but that didn’t change the fact that he left you when you needed him most. It didn’t change the fact that you were still trying to pick up the pieces of your heart while he was nowhere to be found.

“I mean, he’s so damn smart, right? So.. So smart, always figuring things out. But apparently, figuring out how to treat people isn’t part of his skill set.”

Penelope chuckles softly, though there’s no real humor in it. “Yeah, sometimes Spencer’s great at solving every problem except the ones that really matter.”

“Yeah, no kidding,” you mutter, shaking your head. The frustration still courses through your veins, and you grip the fabric of your pants tightly, trying to channel it somewhere, anywhere. “I’m not going to sit around waiting for some half-assed explanation either. If he wanted to tell me why he bailed, he would have.”

She nodded her head. “He is dumb.” She said.

A laugh passed through your lips as you nodded quickly in agreement. “How is he so smart — and sweet yet such a fucking coward? I’m so pissed that he couldn’t even end things in person — that he didn’t even say anything.” You ran your hands down your face.

Penelope smiled. Maybe you were being mean in order to deflect from the hurt in your heart and the way your brain fizzled with an overwhelming ache for the comfort of Spencer. “Are you sure you don’t want me to ask him about it?” She asked.

You were quick to shake your head. While you were desperate for an answer of what you could have possibly done — you weren’t desperate enough to go through his friends to get an answer. You refused to give him the satisfaction of knowing you cared so much. “No. No- Please don’t— Does he even know we have been talking?” Penelope was quick to shake her head with a grin.

“Nope! I haven’t said anything to him.. I sent a photo to JJ earlier of your bobble head collection, but I highly doubt she would’ve just shown Spencer?” She mumbled, shrugging her shoulders slightly. The words made you frown, yet glad. You didn’t care about Penelope sharing your silly bobble head collection, it was something you were very proud of.

“I don’t really care if he knows. Is it bad I hope he is really mad? Like I hope he is really really pissed off about it. Is that petty?” You tumbled out the questions as your mind swirled. You hoped he was mad because at least then in some way maybe you could believe he cared.

“Yes. Definitely petty.” Penelope nodded, a playful smile on her face. “But— If anyone has a right to be petty, it’s you.. You’re handing this better than I would. i’d want to egg his house.” She shrugged, the words made a string of laughter leave your lips.

“I really really do want to” You said honestly, “maybe then he would have to say something” It was silly, but it would lie to say the thought hadn’t crossed your mind. It was childish, and immature and so petty, but leaving someone with no explanation was also just as childish and immature so in your head, it evened out.

“I reckon he would start crying” Penelope giggled.

“God I hope so.” you huffed out, running your hands through your hair before a small smile made way onto your lips as you looked up at the blonde women. The last thing you expected was to get along so quickly with the girl. You had expected it to be awkward between the two of you, but it wasn’t. You two spent hours watching silly chick-flics and laughing, before this conversation even started.

“Thank you- by the way. For this” you mumbled, referring to her just being there. She didn’t have to. She didn’t know you, she didn’t owe you anything, she was Spencer’s friend, not yours.

Penelope grinned widely, “Don’t thank me. I love boy genius but he can be such a tool sometimes without even realising it. He fucked up and you need somebody, plus who else would make sugar cookies with me?” She teased.

You curled up by Penelope’s side, smiling at her gently. You really were grateful. “Speaking of sugar cookies, do you think we could frost them yet?”

[marioluigifan134]

The Voice of Skeeter/Henry about Nora/Starbitedreams/UmbreonDarkEdge

Hello, this is Nickolas of Miiblr writing for a brief moment here, I need to address what is really happening between us (more specifically, a user named @patti-mayonnaise A.K.A. Skeeter/Henry) and Nora/Starbitedreams, because I am getting really sick of watching people defend this person when they are not an innocent person at all. I will give this post to Skeeter's side now, here's his side of what is going on.

This is about Skeeter's relationship with Starbite.

Everything Skeeter/Henry writes will be in black text to avoid confusion (my text is in purple).

Also, there are some Trigger Warnings that I want to warn you all about, as this post contains sexually explicit and suggestive content and manipulation!

hey. im henry (starby's ex boyfriend, who came out about his actions to the mods.) fuck idk where to begin. maybe i should start with the harmless stuff because god i suck with my words starbys obsessive behavior always bothered me when i was with him. i felt like it'd be impossible for me to even speak to him because of how clingy he could get. this also came to play when i started to get f/os (i use self shipping as a coping mechanism which i guess.. pissed him off??)

ah! speaking of his bpd! he would blame it on literally everything. especially his hypersexuality. hell, he even thought making porn of IRL ME, WHOS 15 (he drew it when i was 14) WOULD BE OK??? STARBY HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING THAT SHIT CAN GET YOU IN TROUBLE

before you say "oh henry!! why didn't you stop him??" well with the given ss, i didn't have a choice. considering i was his bf at the time, i thought it'd be best to keep my mouth shut and let him do what he wants, but i was very uncomfy. considering im asexual

starby, YOU. ARE. MY. BOYFRIEND. i should be having to ask you to comfort me, ffs!!

now here's the flat out racism. before september 8th hit and i was still 14, i was talking to starby about how my dad didn't give me a quince (for personal reasons, even tho its our tradition) and with one google search, heres what he had to say

"pedophile ass shit" STARBY THATS NOT HOW IT WORKS??? AT LEAST THATS NOT HOW MY FAMILY DOES IT??? you're not even mexican yourself so how do you know???? insensitive ass

anyways moving on, going back to my self ship discussion, he would get very butthurt about my obsessions and f/os (mostly doug, my comfort character and bravoman, my f/o (who is portrayed without his suit and his mii form) which i find very ironic considering he would not stfu about wanting to fuck an old man (taizo hori)

(context for the last two images) i was in a doug server with him (since he asked and i figured cuz hes OBSESSED) with me and idk i guess he got jealous that i wasnt in the same fandom as him so he found reasons for me to not like doug??? idk but the way he worded it was very rude and i was reached out by two mods and the server owner with how uncomfortable he made everyone felt. so eventually he got banned

..thats all i have to say. bottom line is that i hope he gets the help he needs.

henry out

Alright, Nickolas is back, and I want to mention that me and my friends also had our fair share of experiences with Nora. While it is not finished (as far as I know), I feel the need to share the doc explaining them here, because what it contains should tell you everything in our true experiences.

[advisorykitty]

Idk if I asked this already but can you do Randal x extremely nice/pushover! reader headcanons

Randal X Pushover Reader

Headcannons!!

You were Randal’s only friend, drawn to his strange but lonely vibe. You started dating because you were too nice to say no.

You agree to everything Randal wants, even his weird hobbies like collecting creepy dolls or exploring abandoned places and playing video games.

Randal will casually say things like “You’re mine forever,” but he says it with a weirdly sweet (yet unsettling) smile.

Unlike everyone else, Randal never tries to scare you. Instead, he just creepily watches you until you notice him. Something like "Oh hey! about time you notice me~"

If someone is rude to you, Randal will offer to make them “disappear,” though you always decline with a nervous laugh.

He gifts you a doll that looks eerily like you. You accept it even though it makes you uncomfortable.

Randal has no concept of personal space. He’ll randomly appear while you’re brushing your teeth or reading, just wanting your attention.

You can’t say no to Randal’s odd requests, like exploring creepy buildings or helping him name his dolls. Sometimes even straight up trespassing .

Randal constantly reminds others that “she’s mine,” in a way that makes people unsure if he’s joking.

Probably explains why no-one longer talks to you in class

Which is great for him since you have more time to spend together!

Sebastian thinks you’re too nice for your own good and encourages you to stand up for yourself, but you never do.

Luther offers you vague, slightly creepy advice like “You can always leave if he gets too much,” which leaves you unsure if you should laugh or worry.

And you find yourself contemplating what facial expressions to make when he says something (like is he trying to be funny or serious?)

Nyen teases you about putting up with Randal, while Nyon avoids being around when the two of you are together, clearly uncomfortable.

You’ll sit through hours of some wierd anime or eat Randal’s questionable cooking, just because you don’t want to hurt his feelings.

Onetime he tried making shitake soup probably saw it in an anime

He used poisonous mushrooms that he found, and you were sick for a week

If you’re stressed, Randal insists, “I’ll handle it, don’t worry,” though you’re never entirely sure what that means.

Another time while you were at school and unbeknownst to you had been getting bullied.

The next day the bullies magically didn't show up to class. Who could of thought 🙀🙀

MINI-INTERVIEWS!!

Nyen: "She’s soft, too soft. I don’t get why she sticks around Randal like that. He’s weird, but she’s worse for putting up with it. If it were me? I’d leave. No one’s worth that much patience. Maybe she likes being treated like one of his dolls. I don’t care. She’s just... there. Nothing special." Shrugs."Whatever." Nyen doesn't really care for you. As long as you stay out his way, he'll stay out of yours. However, he is interested in seeing what it takes to break your facade.

Luther:

"Sie ist... nett. Too nice. I’ve told her—several times—that she can leave Randal whenever she wants, but she stays. Warum? No idea." He shrugs slightly, voice monotone. "Maybe she likes suffering. Patience like hers is rare but fragil. We’ll see how long it lasts. But she’s... not terrible. Just... too kind." Luther enjoys your company. If he can even enjoy it, you're helpful and don't complain?? 5 stars already. He's still confused about how patient you, but humans like your are his favourite!

Randal:

"She’s mine, forever. No take-backs. I love how she never says no, like she’s meant for me. She’s kind of like a doll, you know? Only real, and much better. I won’t let her leave. She’s perfect the way she is, even if she doesn’t know it yet." Loves you alot, maybe to much. You spend majority of your time with him and he makes sure of that! Not like you can say no anyway.

Sebastian:

"She's uh.. okay?? I don't know how she has so much patients with Randal though... atleast it keeps thing off me for a while when she's around."

Similarly to Nyen, he doesn't care much for you, but he is thankful that you keep the heat of him when Randal is busy talking to you.

Nyon:

"She's..... nice.. too nice. Strange, too, not like Randal. Good. Strange.." He's not much of an extrovert, but he does see you as somewhat extraordinary. It's not often you meet someone who isn't cynical. However, he does sometimes feel bad for you when you have to endure Randal daily; you don't see him much, so you can't exactly regulate an opinion.

[okdeedee]

lay down your head

a very small din djarin x gn! reader sickfic . reader,,, works with mando? is hired by him? live-in employee. idk. the razor crest still exists. handwavey in terms of chronology.

__

an: because i have a shitty cold / fever / idk right now. so i daydream about how din djarin would take care of someone. me. us. whatever.

warnings: fluff. the mortifying ideal of being vulnerable with your colleagues/friends/crushes. no use of pronouns other than "you/your" and no y/n.

feat. trying to debunk the theory that being in the rain/being in somewhat cold weather will make you sick, one fic at a time. (hypothermia is real, catching a cold/the flu from being in the cold is not.)

wc: 1.3k words of 11pm feverish delirium.

__

It starts as a funny feeling behind your nose. As the day goes on, it spreads down to the back of your throat. Then there's the melancholy dawn of a dull headache and your joints start to hurt more than they usually do.

You're helping Mando carry a bounty back to the Crest at around three in the morning, Coruscant time, and suddenly it's ridiculously difficult.

The bounty is a fairly waiflike Twi'lek, so you're not sure why you're struggling. He could carry her on his own, sure, but you've watched him move enough that you can tell he's got back problems, so you try to help him carry heavy or awkwardly shaped things.

This Twi'lek in her hoop-skirted Opera-Concert-Goer finery definitely counts as the latter.

You watch him a lot.

The way he moves, how he interacts with his child, his prowess in combat. His proficiency with weapons gets you hot under the collar, sometimes.

But he's gruff and quite reserved, and you've taught yourself not to expect anything from this arrangement the two of you have. You haven't touched him before - not even to shake his hand.

When you trip over your own feet and the bounty goes lurching toward the floor, the Mandalorian pauses and glances at you with what you think might be annoyance.

But you can't see his face, obviously, and you sort of can't see full-stop in this dark alley, so it's anyone's guess.

By the time you get back to the Crest, your eyes burn with the effort of keeping them open. You don't want to be a liability, so you keep your head straight and you don't show any sign of weakness.

Once the bounty is frozen in carbonite, Mando climbs up the ladder, Grogu gurgling happily in his satchel. He doesn't seem to have noticed anything's really wrong with you, which is a relief. As soon as his boots disappear into the cockpit, you slump down to the floor.

Mando doesn't need a co-pilot - you're often down here during take-off anyway, tidying or putting your weapons away.

You value your alone time as much as he does, which is nice. He never pries when you need some time away from him and his little green kid.

You ache all over and you're shivering, but at least he can't see you. You're so tired that you fall asleep with your head resting against the weapon cupboard's door.

.

After he gets the Crest out of Coruscant's atmosphere and into hyperspace, Din lets Grogu play with a very small selection of the control panel that will not have drastic effects on the ship.

It takes a while, but the child's movements grow lethargic, and soon enough, he's asleep in Din's arms.

Din places him gently into his mobile cot so as to not wake him by taking him down the ladder, and realises he hasn't heard you move in over an hour.

Which is somewhat alarming - you take turns in the cot in the hull, and since Din can sleep in the pilot's chair, he figured you'd sleep there.

But he never heard the cot door depressurize and slam open, nor did he hear you pottering around like he usually does.

So he makes his way down the ladder, and he's bewildered by what he sees.

You're slumped on the ground, neck bent at an uncomfortable angle against the cupboard. You're breathing through your mouth a little raggedly, so fast you're almost panting, and there is a trickle of mucus coming out of your nose. Your hands twitch where they're draped across your torso, and your skin looks dull.

His heartrate skyrockets - he's a seasoned warrior and you're just his employee, so it probably shouldn't - and he moves over to you instantly.

Before he can think, he turns on the thermal view on his helmet, and sees that your head is hotter than the human head usually appears. So is your whole body.

He flicks it back to normal as he crouches next to you.

"Hey, wake up," he mutters.

He reaches out a hand to touch your shoulder, but he stops. He hasn't touched you before. Not intentionally. He wonders if you'd mind.

He thinks about it more and more each day.

Touching you.

Holding your hand, standing shoulder to shoulder, stroking your face.

Pressing your foreheads together in the way of his people, even if it's through his helmet.

But this is to make sure you're okay; it's different, so he reaches out and gently shakes you by one shoulder.

"Hey, you need to wake up," he murmurs.

You grunt, and your voice sounds like the rumble of footsteps over gravel.

"Can you open your eyes for me?"

Your eyelashes are a little crusted together, but you manage to open them. Your stare is vacant.

Din starts to panic.

"Did someone poison you? Did you eat something bad? Are you alright?"

You give him a sleepy chuckle, and your eyes close again, which is not helpful.

"Hey." He says with the sort of no-nonsense tone he uses with the child.

You blink. "What?"

"Did you get poisoned? Or spiked?"

"'M fine, Mando."

"You're not."

You huff, which sets you into a fit of coughing.

"What's wrong?" He asks.

You look at him with those bright, bloodshot eyes. You sniff and blink a few more times, blearily. It's silly, because he's really worried there's something wrong with you, but the open, sleepy expression on your face fills him with affection.

"Sweetheart, please."

You smile just barely. "Really, 'm fine. Just'a cold," you mumble.

"How would you have gotten a cold? The rain yesterday?" Din starts to spiral; he's supposed to protect you, whether he's ever expressed that to you or not, and now you're sick-

"Prob'ly that club a few days ago. Lots'a people. Confined space. No ventilation. Wonder why you didn't get sick."

"My helmet filters out most toxins and germs." He says.

You reach out and fiddle with the edge of one of the pouches strapped around his calf. "Lucky boy," you say, grinning dazedly.

You look incredibly unwell, but you're touching him, joking around with him. His heart pounds.

Then you groan and put your hand to your head, and he's whirled into action again.

.

The next half hour is hard to remember in full detail. You're so tired.

These are the glimpses you're conscious enough for:

Mando lifts you up, even with his bad back, and sits you up properly. He gets painkillers from the 'fresher, which you try to refuse, but he practically force-feeds them to you. He gives you his water canteen and tells you to take twenty sips of it.

He holds a cloth to your nose and tells you to blow your nose into his hand, which is mortifying, but you're too dazed to do otherwise.

He uses a cold, damp cloth to wipe your face and neck down, which makes your skin erupt in goosebumps.

"Too cold," you grumble.

"Almost done, baby."

The heat that rushes through you at the sound of his gruff, modulated voice calling you 'baby' almost cures your chills for a second.

"Can I hold you?" the Mandalorian asks softly.

If you were awake, you'd freak out about this ridiculously attractive and emotionally distant man making an offer like that, but being held just sounds nice right now, so you whisper, "Yeah."

Next thing you know, the battle-hardened, ruthless Mandalorian bounty hunter is sitting behind you, one arm around your torso, the other stroking your forehead.

You're in between his legs, your back against his chest.

This is not how you thought your recovery from illness would go.

You find you don't have any reason to complain.

His armour's a little cold, and it shocks you at first, but once your feverish body heat warms it up, it's soothing. He smells good - beskar doesn't have that tangy scent so many metals have; it's cleaner, earthier. He smells warm, inviting, human.

You like this Mandalorian. Quite a lot, as Mandalorians go. And just as a person in general.

He chuckles; a deep, comforting rumble that you feel in your back ribcage before you hear it.

"What're you laughin' at?" you mumble, burrowing the side of your head into his chest

Another shorter, breathy chuckle. "What you just said."

Oops. "Didn't mean t' say that. Out loud, I mean."

"I'll forget I heard it."

"No you won't. You remember everything."

The chin of his helmet rests gently against the crown of your head, and he takes a deep breath in.

"Sleep, cyare. I've got you."

[ruby-red-inky-blue]

Carrie watches “North & South” (2004) Ep. 1 and 2

Uh-oh, choices were made.

Thornton’s intro. I have so many questions, and the first is... why? (The Hades vibes I can take or leave - don’t get me wrong, I *love* me that myth, but I don’t quite know yet if I like it applied here. But it’s a choice, and I’m willing to see where it goes.) But, like, you catch a guy smoking in your cotton mill. I get it. I get it. But... you get his pipe off him, still warm, mind you, likely still gleaming - and you take time out of your day to pummel him to the ground?? Instead of getting both the worker and the pipe well out of the room that is *filled* with incredibly combustible fluff? If Thornton were as business-minded and no-nonsense as they claim he is, he’d have kicked that guy out in two sentences, and maybe sent a clerk after him to notify the cops. And he’d not get in a fistfight... with a worker... all that does is waste time and make him lose face? He might shout abuse after him a bit, and that would have done fine for this scene, actually, if they had to write a new one? Why are we spending all this time to establish he’s physically violent? And that he has a temper? Why is Thornton a tall dark and handsome Byronic hero - John “oh whelp too awkward to explain why I’m standing around by the side of the road better take a day trip to the country” “bringing my unrequited love’s mother fruit baskets because she’s sick” “travelling across the country to collect roses where the one that got away grew up and pressing them in my balance book” Thornton? Why is the main trait the audience is supposed to associate him with that he may erupt into unapologetic violence at any point? I do feel strongly reminded of a love interest from a classic novel, actually, but it is not North and South - this violent streak is giving me intense Mr. Rochester vibes. Again, choices were made.

(He *did* have a bit of a temper in the book! But like, he was a bit short with people. On relatively rare occasions. He wasn’t given to punching someone in a room full of people who would never raise a hand to stop him because they all work for him? Isn’t he all about fairness all the time? And idk, Armitage is giving him a vibe in his early scenes as if that temper could come out with *anyone*, except maybe his mother? As if Margaret should be afraid of him physically harming her? It’s very uncomfortable and I really don’t get what they think the story is gaining from this.)

They really put on the intense staring with old Mrs. Thornton, but I do quite like her, actually - and Fanny is delightfully horrid. I think it’s touching, in a way, seeing how the two of them must have spoiled her rotten, so I actually like how hard they’re leaning into this.

Mr. Bell is decidedly creepy in this. I wasn’t a fan of his in the book - lord but he was annoying as all hell - but why make him so weirdly *into* Margaret? Right in front of her father, too? And right in front of my salad??

Going into ep 2, I am warming up to this Thorton, though I still feel he’s a bit too... sure of himself? The power dynamic between him and the Hales is weirdly underplayed, which is a shame, it’s so interesting. Like that little interlude at his mother’s dinner, when he leaves her to go talk to what’s-his-name... that was too smooth. He’s great when it’s about the strike, but with Margaret he’s so weirdly dominant. But again. The performance is growing on me. The smitten looks do help.

Holy manufactured drama Batman! Margaret is outed at the dinner table for bringing food to the Higgins’s! *gasp* Was this in the book? Surely I’d remember that... will have to check, but boy, did that feel forced, with everyone dropping their knives and forks in outrage.

Oooooh, the strike! The buildup was nicely adapted, but it did feel a little anticlimactic to see it play out, it’s over so quickly! There really isn’t much more to the event, but it felt so much longer in the book! (And all the time Thorton spends lingering on it afterwards probably made it feel even longer than it was.)

Ngl the dramatic blending of flashbacks to Margaret’s bloody temple with a closeup of Thornton staring out of a window is a bit funny with twenty years of hindsight on it. As I’m coming up on the end of ep 2, I guess my temporary verdict is they *really* upped the ante on the drama front, arguably more than necessary.

It does feel a bit out of character for Hannah to go on about the inititals in the wedding linens in front of her son, but I love that they kept that detail! She’s such an interesting character, I’m delighted how much attention they’re paying to her.

YES, thank God. Now they’re getting it. Now they’re getting the vibe. Urgh this proposal is setting my teeth on edge... but in a good way! It’s supposed to! And honestly I’ll never be over Margaret’s ongoing theme of suitor: ‘I simply have to -’ Margaret: ‘Oh you really don’t!!’

Side note, but I’ve seen the gifs of “One minute we were talking of the colour of fruit, the next of love. How does that happen?” so often and I always thought Margaret was the one saying it. It’s hilarious that it’s Thornton. My dude you started both these conversation topics without so much as stopping for breath between one and the other.

I love how he’s basically shouting. This throws the whole surprised denial and careful questioning from her father months (!) later into a completely different light. The whole house must be hearing this, now Mr Hale is basically playing a completely pointless sharade with his daughter - oh you’re not telling me he likes you? Maybe even... asked...? Lol nope with walls that thin half the street is getting these news as they come in.

Yes, “I spoke to you about my feelings because I love you, I had no thought for your reputation!” is a banger of a line, and top notch delivery. Like I said, I *am* warming up to him. Especially in this scene.

I just love the “Oh there are others! This happens to you every day! Of course!” line so much. He’s such a petty bitch I adore him.

That said Thornton is jumping to so many conclusions it’s practically parcour. Margaret: “Hey I’m sorry I’m not taking this well my only friend in this town is dying a horrible slow death as we speak.” Thornton: “Oh so you think I’m a murderer!!!” Margaret: “I do not know how to respond when someone speaks to me as you just have -” Thornton: “Oh so this happens to you all the time???” Like. How is that what you’re taking from this. You’re right, somehow, but how are you getting there with what you’re given? Isn’t the implication of ‘hey I do not know how to handle shit like this’ exactly the opposite - that you haven’t ever been in this situation and thus don’t know how to handle it?

I think overall Margaret is actually nicer to him than in the book, at least in these last few scenes? This may not be based on actual facts but... she seems a bit gentler, more forgiving, which makes “I understand you completely” even more tragic. Buddy, you visibly don’t.

I’m starting to see how this got compared to P&P so much (aside from the obvious “criminally unromantic dude is turned down - love interest makes a spectacle of himself in a meltdown/proposal and is turned down - love interest comes back after life-altering calamity and is accepted” structural parallel). Like they made Thornton a bit more abrasive in tone and then Macfadyen made Darcy seem a lot *less* abrasive in tone so their desaster proposals kind of meet in the middle.

[afklancelot]

Ranking TMA entities by how much I like em, from least to most favorite

shall also be including statements involving said entity that I like the most. spoilers for tma as a whole.

15. The Web

I just don't really understand The Web's appeal at all. Maybe if it wasn't put in the spotlight and made as the big mastermind or something, I would place it above n. 14. But it was, and it was boring. And laughable. Mostly boring.

Favorite Web Statement: ep. 81 (A Guest for Mr. Spider). Fucked up children's book, eerie and right to my tastes. Also because the two fan portrayals of the book I've seen are real neat.

14. The Hunt

I can at least appreciate an animalistic fear, but in practice it's not much to write home about. Being chased is not too scary for me.

Favorite Hunt Statement: ep. 133 (The Dead Horse) I guess. An interesting take on the Hunt that isn't "oh no the Killer is hunting me down"

13. The Desolation

Ok so there's actually a HUGE gap between Web/Hunt and the rest of the entities in terms of how much I like em lmao. As for the Desolation, the themes of fire and pain are neat, though I feel there's something lacking compared to the rest on the list (No Agne Montague statement...)

Favorite Desolation Statement: ep. 107 (Third Degree). Specifically the format of the statement itself, like it's an interrogation. How the Desolation officer makes things more uncomfortable for the victim.

12. The Eye

Man The Eye was done so dirty... why did it have to be the "dumbest" entity... and I say this as someone who doesn't think much of The Eye. "It sees but does not understand" I don't think that's how the fear of being watched, of being judged or caught in the act, works. So I am an Eye supporter especially when it's put against the Web.

Favorite Eye Statement: ep. 148 (Extended Surveillance). Always fun to read about someone becoming a surveillance system. Very cute.

11. The Flesh

mmmmm meat

Favorite Flesh Statement: ep. 30 (The Killing Floor). Idk I just like the scene where the statement giver pulls off the last shot on that Flesh avatar. Something charged about that scene.

10. The End

Look if there had to be ANY entity that had to be the sole "sentient" one, I would've liked it to be The End. Their end (ha) plan actually works in a way I don't think is stupid (insert vine "We all die you either kill yourself or get killed)

Favorite End statement: ep. 168 (Roots). Really liked the making of the statement into some kind of twisted coroner report. Also the speculation by Oliver Banks regarding the potential fate of an Eye-pocalypse world makes me wish that was the actual ending for the podcast. Would have been actually interesting if so.

9. The Slaughter

Playing Splatoon 3 turf wars makes me realize that maybe I do understand the need for violence. I do think there's a lot of the missed potential of the Slaughter; maybe it could've incorporated more musical motifs (Orchestra Slaughter avatars when?)

Favorite Slaughter statement: ep. 42 (Grifter's Bones). Good music just does that to you.

8. The Stranger

In the context of "someone replaced someone you know and nobody but you notices", it's alright. Maybe could have expanded more into other things besides human figures being "not quite right".

Favorite Stranger statement: ep. 44 (Tightrope). The Stranger saw that kid do the tightrope without falling and was like "woah that's baller. we'll leave y'all alone actually that was sick as fuck" and for that I give them my respect.

7. The Buried

An entity that I had first dismissed, but now that I go back I realize that man. Dirt's pretty good. The allegory to debt also helps.

Favorite Buried statement: ep. 15 (Lost John's Cave). Makes me want to go explore a cave right fucking now.

6. The Dark

Another entity I feel has wasted potential, though I hear the creator admitted he didn't know how to implement the Dark without delving into cliches which if true, I guess fair enough? I'll just stick to House of Leaves I guess for a good Dark-adjacent portrayal :p

Favorite Dark Statement: ep. 63 (The End of the Tunnel). Damn shadows photobombing my photo shoot smh

5. The Extinction

Wish we coulda gotten more about the Extinction. I'm a bit disappointed that the Extinction being the true horror was a red herring, though I understand it and in hindsight am glad it didn't have to be that way. Just wish we could have gotten more Extinction statements involving technology.

Favorite Extinction Statement: ep. 144 (Decrypted). The world is allways ending, bitch. Let's get you some fruit.

4. The Corruption

Ladies, if your fear entity is about creepy crawlies and is actually cool, that entity isn't the Web. It's actually the Corruption. In all seriousness though, the Corruption is so gross and THAT makes it so good.

Favorite Corruption Statement: ep. 153 (Love Bombing). Corruption also being an allegory for toxic love including love bombing... love that shit.

3. The Lonely

The Lonely, the fear of being alone, deprived of other human contact. As someone who loves walking by herself, I can relate: sometimes you need some alone time. But unnatural loneliness is sooooooo good I swear.

Favorite Lonely Statement: ep. 150 (Cul-de-Sac). I would 100% buy a brick from that fake-ass infomercial.

2. The Vast

One day, walking by myself in a mostly-empty campus on the weekend, I looked up at the clear-blue sky. The sheer vastness of it, the beauty, made me smile. This is the impact of The Vast my beloved. Wish there were more Vast statements involving the ocean, though.

Favorite Vast Statement: ep. 106 (A Matter of Perspective). Space may not be nearly as interesting to me as the ocean is, but the bit about the stars not being winked out, but rather being covered by some massive monster, hits just right.

The Spiral

It says a lot about my love for the Spiral in that EVERY statement focusing on it is a banger. The one about a sleep-deprived woman, the one about a guy being haunted by weird doors as he grows up, the woman being trapped in that hallway appearing out of nowhere, the list goes on. But my favorite statement regarding the Spiral is...

Favorite Spiral statement: ep. 65 (Binary)!! I think about that man eating his computer every single day of my life. Puts an interesting perspective of trying to upload a human mind onto the web (esp in context of tmagp, even). The "creepy" quotes in the statement like "There's no feeling, but the no feeling hurts" are soooo good.

[kojoty]

I'd understandably have to do more research that seems almost antithetical to what wood wants us to do with his art (though I am curious to watch the doc he put out in 2021), but in some interviews he's expressed discontent about how a lot of people interpret his songs to... "A lot of my songs are interpreted as being about serial killers, eldritch horrors, mad scientists trying to kill God, etc. And/or being gay. Which, of course, none of them are"

Which is obviously cheeky, he knows what genres he's playing with and what he's invoking, but with the tiktokification of his songs into soundbytes for people to do their milquetoast POV's, I get what he's saying. He's invoking serial killers, and grungy, gnarly despicable mind sets as proxies for himself-- experimentation through the other which becomes you-- and seeing people listen to the proxy and believe it at face value would infuriate me as an artist.

Especially because.... (here's my biased interpretation of a lot of his music now), between the heavy discussions of memory loss, severe all-consuming guilt over things he did that he can't quite remember, the trauma formed ego that is both the reason and a product, and several on-the-nose songs about this.... So much of his music is such a clear story about his relationship to substance abuse and addiction. And not just his drinking (though certainly the progression between hand my my shovel I'm going in! And half decade hangover is such a fascinating and poignant and real progression of a relationship to the guilt produced by addiction), but the addictions that exist before that one to produce that one. A defensive ego, an untethered relationship to.... Relationships. A difficult time with interpersonality. Being a cynical long winded artsy mythanthropic soul (of which substance makes you more pleasant to be around and more pleasant to BE when you haven't worked on yourself....)

So much of wood's music to me is the sharp, dark, uncomfortable guilt that comes when you do things you know you'll never fully remember. When you WERE things you won't fully remember. How to contest ego of the self against these constant and brutal reminders of what happens when you let said ego win and the damage it does.

(I'd have to write a whole essay on this to fully delve into the discography and maybe song analysis itself is the better move here, but this is mostly just trying to piece together WHY this artist has so specifically taken me by the balls and hoisted me up and said 'look! Look! Your journey! It's right here!' and perhaps this is my own proxies of ego talking but it feels.... There's a dark and sick solace to see yourself reflected, to know other people know what this feels like. How sickly it is. How it can get better. Idk. His music just sounds how I think.

[butterscotch-brigade]

very weird question. how can you stand being a fan of cr even with the stuff regarding devsisters? i really like cookie run, but i can't get over the things they've done and i hate that it gets excused bc they're of different culture and their half assed apologies are always accepted. idk i haven't played in almost two years and i sometimes i want to go back into it but also it's hard.

sorry to bother but i am curious because i am tired of feeling bad.

oh no worries!! i totally understand, youre not being a bother at all

honestly i havent played cookie run in like 2 years. i too got pretty sick and tired of all the bullshit w devsis and p much gave up on crob and crk altogether. honestly i dont think anything they can add to the game will ever get me interested in playing it again.

that being said, i still rly like the characters!! a lot of them still mean a lot to me for personal reasons. at this point i only enjoy cookie run for the sentimental attachments i have to certain characters/ships (and by ships i just mean seamoon AKSJDJDJDJ). and i rly love the talent and creativity of the many wonderful fanartists out there!!! and even tho i may not know much abt the newer characters, especially in crk, i still think a lot of em are really neat!!

and honestly, youre not obligated to play the game in order to enjoy the things you do like abt it. if you really want to get back into it again, you can enjoy it from a distance if u want. or if it hurts too much, you dont have to get back into it at all; you can blacklist the tags if it makes you uncomfortable. youre free to engage with it at whatever pace you feel is best, or not at all.

ultimately, just know that there are many different options for enjoying media and curating your experience with it. you dont have to play the game at all if you dont want to; and if you do, you can choose not to do things like watch ads or make in-app purchases if you dont want to give any money/ad residue to devsis. (im not entirely sure if just playing on the server makes them money tho; someone correct me if im wrong).

whatever you decide, do whatever makes you feel the most comfortable. sometimes you have to drop something you used to enjoy, and that sucks. other times, you may find that there are ways you can derive enjoyment from it without supporting its creators. its up to you to decide what you want to do; thats my perspective anyway. go at your own pace and figure out what works best for you. im rooting for u anon <3

[kingtycoon13]

none of this is going to be super coherent but i feel like i need to just vent about growing up as a queer autistic dude never fitting in anywhere and the issues of underlying homophobia in fandom spaces idk I just feel like.... whenever I get into fandoms or how i experience/enjoy content is so different from a lot of people that I can never truly be part of a fandom. That and the fact that most of them tend to be female/female aligned dominated which of course is great but its like.... no one ever really gets your experience and there's always misunderstandings recently with Gale stuff I see so much of it shift to the predominant female/female aligned fanbase to the point where it's all "Gale girlies" now and I now feel like my explicitly masculine and gay take on Gale isn't really appreciated, seen or understood. It's like that feeling of watching everyone else play and have fun together knowing you can never truly join in or just feeling ignored and hurt that no one recognizes you. Like...... life already fucking sucks being a gay dude. You can't be romantic because that's not "manly" and that stuff is usually reserved only in heterosexual shipping and context and then if you act sexual you make someone "uncomfortable" its' just like whatever I already deal with that from all other sources in my life treating me like a nasty unmanly sick pervert and i guess i could just continue doing my own thing because whatever you can do what you want and gatekeeping in fandoms is so fucking stupid but it's just that need to be Seen and Recognized and the turmoil i face constantly trying to make friends and then seeing it develop into something that I can no longer relate to. I just never know how much of myself is "ok" and how much more I can just keep trying to "be myself" and experiencing rejection like this i just really wish i could find "my people" its just stupid, i'm immensely stupid. i just want to be gay about Gale

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

Hello! I only recently found your blog and after much back and forth with myself decided to send this ask.

Trigger Warning for CSA and ED.

I suppose I'm looking for advice, a third party's thoughts? Also to get it off my chest.

I apologize in advance if this it too much for anyone reading, I know i still struggle to make heads or tails with it.

i had this epiphany a few years back, just before covid hit and as I had just moved into my own place for the first time. Ever since I was a little girl I've always had these unexplainable to my older self weird thoughts about sex.

During this epiphany I realized that my entire life, as long as I can remember-since approximately 5 to 6 years old - I have had rape fantasies. With myself as the victim. Very explicit, very violent just.. all around bad.

It had always troubled me but it had never been registered as something that needed more thought. It was more of a "Huh, you sure were quirky growing up!".

So during this epiphany it clicked to me: how could a child, from a good family, not suffocated, neither sheltered but raised by good folk, even KNOW not only what sex is, but also what rape is? Those thoughts dont come about naturally while watching Pokémon or Catdog.

So I started looking back. I really tried to make myself think.

I made myself picture little be getting abused. At first i suspected the men in my family. Uncle, grandad, even my dad.

It didn't click. Except when i thought about my grandad. At noons we used to sleep together. He'd read to me and it'd be our down time.

But it wasn't HIM who was triggering me ( God knows I'd die for that man i love him so much). It was his bedroom and his bed.

I realized suddenly that it wasn't a man that made me feel so.. uncomfortable? Like.. vomiting? Like.. these thoughts gave me this profound sense of doom and melancholy? I can't explain it.

But the person who came up was my cousin. She was only a few years older than me and she'd also live with our grandparents (their houses were in the same building).

I realized that when i was around 5 she would make me watch porn. The first time i ever watched it it was a traumatizing thing i realize. Not only did my body not know how to respond at this young age (it did get a reaction out of me which makes me feel fifty different types of sick) but I was shocked by the image of this man's penis. That night when i slept with my mum I couldn't sleep because i feared I'd see his thing in my dream and that my mum would know I'd done something bad! I'd blurt it out while dreaming! It was horrible.

A few days next mum took us shopping. While alone in the dressing room I had a sort of... Idk.. attack? Meltdown? She had given me to try on this faux leather skirt and I just got so enraged by it! I started angry crying and iirc hitting myself (?) Only now do i realise it was because the woman in the video was wearing a leather skirt.

My cousin also had this "massage wand" which for the life of me idk if it was a legit vibrator of my aunt or indeed a massage tool. But i remember her laying on her bed with her legs open (still dressed) and the thing between her legs. (When i told my bestie about this she tried to make me understand that she was indeed masturbating but God even writing this now it feels fake. It feels like an overreaction!)

My cousin would also make us play Husband and Wife. She'd be the husband first. She'd get on top of me and just stroke my arms, or act like she was kissing me. Sometimes she'd make me put a pillow on top of me and hug it like it was my husband.

But the worst was when she'd make ME be the husband. Id have to..idk how to describe it. I'd have to be active? I'd have to move my hips and talk and just be on top. We were clothed we weren't doing anything. But by God I just feel it in my bones This is why I have body dysmorphia. This is why my disordered eating started. This is why now I have trouble feeling feminine and just the thought of a single masculine characteristic on me sends me spiraling. I hate the idea of having anything masculine on me or being described as such! It makes me feel like back then.

Even now typing all this out.. I can't believe it. What if I'm misremembering? What if I'm the one creating false memories? What if I'm doing it for attention? Whose attention you'll ask since only now did i find the courage to tell SOLELY my best friend. Well, I'll say... I don't know.

I cannot connect the image of my childhood, happy as it was, because it was! I was loved and still am by my parents. My entire extended family are learned, progressive, loving people. I always felt like i got the lottery with my folks. I cannot make this make sense while adding my realizations into the mix.

I like my cousin! I even love her! We are close (considering we have our own thing happening in life). She is my family, my blood! She feels the same.

I dont know what to feel.

And I've also heard that children who are perpetrators of CSA (not only when they're so young do they Not mean any harm bc they're kids too) but also they had to learn all that from somewhere, from someone!

So.. did she also suffer? Do I need to start having suspicions about others hurting her?

Does she need help? Does she even remember?

I cannot tell anyone. It would ruin our family and my parents would be devastated. My mum she.... She'd legit lose her mind to learn that someone had hurt me this way!

Do you guys have any thoughts? Am i crazy? Am i making it up? Am i creating the memories? God knows it affects me in all aspects of life so.. there has to be Something there, right?!

Feel free to post this as a post for your followers to answer too. Im okay with it.

Just typing it out was cathartic.

I'm sorry to anyone burdened with reading something so light-hearted. And thank you for taking the time to read and answer.

I hope whoever it is on the other side reading has a good day. And Thank You.

-Bess

p.s.

Because I get very illogically anxious very often, if by any chance my eyes are deceiving me, or tumblr crashes or whatever and by accident this post doesn't get submitted Anonymously (as I intend it to) could you please refrain from posting it? I would really thank you for that!

Okay bye now! And Thank You again for the help 💙

Hi Bess,

I'm so sorry about what you've been through. Please know that you're not alone.

It's incredibly difficult to navigate some potential early childhood trauma. It sounds like you probably aren't making this up because you seem to be able to identify what doesn't click or make sense. Often, trauma tends to have strong emotional or visceral responses, like you described, nausea and discomfort. These feelings suggest that the memories could be authentic.

it's hard to accept that you've been through trauma because of its implications, and that's understandable, but it's also important for your healing to work through the process of grief at your own pace. Also please know that just because you may have otherwise had a good childhood with a strong support network around you, doesn't mean that you couldn't have been traumatized or that your trauma isn't valid.

You are right that COCSA perpetrators tend to be CSA survivors themselves, because their behavior is, in some way, learned from elsewhere. But please remember that this does not excuse perpetuating that abusive behavior. Regardless of what may have happened to your perpetrator, it doesn't change the fact that they hurt you.

It's your story so it's up to you who to tell or not tell, but just know that other peoples emotions are not your responsibility, so if someone is devastated to hear what happened, that is not your fault. Additionally, it's worth considering that you are not to blame for telling your truth, rather your cousin is to blame for their actions that you are merely conveying.

Ultimately, it's important to make sure that you can get any help you need during this time, in terms of exploring trauma and maintaining your mental health. If you can access or afford it, a mental health professional such as a therapist can help you process your traumas, the feelings and questions surrounding them, and develop ways to cope and move forward with these memories.

Please remember that you are not crazy, and know that we believe you. If anyone has any comments or suggestions, feel free to add on. Otherwise, I hope I could help, and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[serenabenson]

okay slow day at work, so after rewatch my opinion on this ep is even higher and i'm amending a lot of my first impression about emotional remove. scanavino is even better on a second watch when you can see past broad expositional strokes (banger moments To Me: slipping on the popcorn bag trying to scramble onto his feet, breakdown scene with the redhead by the refrigerators, refusing to look olivia in the eye when she's trying to exchange herself for him outside the deli, his hands shaking putting back on carisi's wedding ring). without the interruption and tonal jar of the commercial breaks the episode feels more claustrophobic and the stakes higher, it's easier to keep track of everyone's emotional arc and motivations, and that changes how you receive it. campanella's style isn't my favorite, usually it makes me motion sick, but the very things about it that make it difficult to parse important details on a first pass-- his tight, tight closeups and jittery, restless camerawork, how he likes to capture things from slightly off-kilter angles or framing-- ironically work perfectly for this episode when watched like a movie: we're put too physically close to these people and it feels uncomfortable, airless, too intimate, and the jumpy camera means we can't rest our gaze anywhere long enough to get our bearings, leaving us just as confused in the chaos of the situation as the characters are. the diner scene exchange between amanda and sonny about seeing the girls is almost unbearably raw. i stand by thinking the scene as a whole is missing something, though. maybe a more defined beat between amanda and olivia, and something a few steps further than what we got between olivia and carisi (it's the diner scene i'm assuming carisi's cut line to olivia where he says "i’d never be able to look my kids in the eye... if something happens to you" was meant to be, because that's exactly the beat i feel it as aired was missing).

the ep on it's own is good, even really good, for an svu episode. any complaints i have are with the seasonal issue of olivia benson missing person, and then my retrospective sadness at seeing what this storyline could look like when done by a writer's room that actually likes their characters, loves them even. i think the most telling line in the episode is carisi's "i'm not an action hero"; on the nose it may be, but also a statement of intent, if not the thesis, and on reflection i think it does describe a lot of the approach graziano has set for svu-- these are people, even if often reduced to broad sketch by procedural necessities, and their behavior and psychology is recognizable as people when we get the chance to look long enough. idk. i just find it really hard to stay mad, when it looks like there's good faith at play here, or at least an attempt to make good television. my goodwill (not to mention my patience) isn't endless, but they've earned quite a bit of it.

competent thriller, solid episode. overall very well-made and a slick, decently satisfying watch. still though i intermittently felt an odd detachment of from the emotional life of the characters outside the immediate crisis, not as bad as earlier in the season, but to me it's missing like. a kind of emotional viscera? i guess, in the negotiation scenes between olivia and rollins, and especially the denouement-- the reunion scene between carisi and rollins where olivia is just kind of there, the diner. the scene with the actress playing tess on the street outside the deli was electric, the phone conversation between olivia and amanda had it, whatever it is, and so did the encounter between carisi and olivia on the threshold. given that, i was expecting to see something a little meatier, emotionally speaking, in that last three-hander-- the blocking, lighting, and physicality was beautiful, and i wish they could have dug in a little more, gotten a little deeper, given it more air to breathe. what i wouldn't give for the version of that diner scene they would have done in s25, i think is what i'm saying.

[vole-mon-amour]

.

[pinkslashersimp]

Hannibal x reader req

What if you got into a fight with Hannibal like an argument over idk what and you brought up his dead sister?

MY FIRST ANGST REQ i’m gonna have fun w this one bye

u didn’t specify which so as usual i’ve included both for u💗💗

TW: Graphic depiction of murder, angst, Hannibal being kind of a dick. if this upsets or triggers you in anyway please scroll past and stay safe🤍

Hannibal x GN!Reader - Arguments 🌷💗

OG Hannibal

Arguably the scarier Hannibal, with much less patience.

It had been a painfully long day, and after arriving home from work an argument ensued with Hannibal over how much time you’d been focusing away from your personal life

“I’m worried, darling, it’s almost as if your boss is trying to steal you away from me” he teased, his back turned to you as he sliced and diced onions into tiny pieces for your dinner tonight

“God, Hannibal can you please just leave it? Youre acting like every man is going to take me from you or some stupid shit. I’m not your fucking sister.”

The fact you could spit something so hurtful towards him is both upsetting and amusing to this man

Theres something almost comedic about you, a tiny kitten, scratching at the big scary lion

Theres something almost comedic about you, a tiny kitten, scratching at the big scary lion

It’s dangerous.

He slowly reared around to face you, knife still in his hand, glistening from the food he was just preparing.

He turns his head slightly at you, staring straight into your eyes and refusing to break the uncomfortable eye contact. His mouth twists itself into something of an amused smile 

He searches your expression, figuring out what reaction you were looking for from him

“Come here.” He orders, something sinister behind his calm facade and chilling hiding behind his chill tone

You take a small step back, laughing uncertaintly. This must be some sort of game, right? 

Hannibal usually plays mind games with you, sometimes acting scary to playfully frighten you. 

Except he usually breaks the character once you become visibly nervous. This time, he wasnt. 

“Im serious, love. Come here and repeat what you’ve just said.” He takes a step forwards, his hands behind his back and he leans in. “I want to hear you say it.” He hisses through his teeth

“Im sorry...”

NBC Hannibal

It wasn’t a bad argument, you were just sick of Hannibals controlling presence around you all the time, making you jump every time he came near you. 

“Stop this silliness.” He ordered, creeping towards you.

“Or what? You’ll kill me? Eat me just like your sister?”

Shock.

That’s his first initial reaction.

He told you about that with complete trust, he let himself be vulnerable enough to open up to you because he loves and cares about you, and you’re using it against him?

Then, anger.

How dare you?

He feels it boiling inside him, quickly ascending from his feet, pooling and turning inside his stomach like a sick, hot, bile. Before continuing upwards towards his head, causing an agonising pounding and ache. For a moment he truly doesn’t know how he should respond to your comment. 

In any normal situation (or what’s considered normal to him) , he would’ve leapt upon you and stolen the breath from your throat by clasping both his huge hands around your tiny, fragile neck and squeezing hard with all his vicious, angry strength. Painfully crushing your oesophagus as he smothers you to death.  Leaving you lifeless and limp beneath him as a product of his blind rage. 

Then, of course, dismembered your corpse and eaten you whole.

He ponders that thought for a moment, whilst staring completely dead pan into your eyes

There’s more than just a hint of anger reflected in his expression, watching him hopelessly attempt to cover it with his poker face is both amusing to you and horrifying to observe. You’ve seen what this man is capable of, and been an unfortunate witness to the multiple atrocities and death he’s caused. To think that you could become one of them in a matter of seconds is terrifying.

You’d wanted a reaction, but not one this frightening.

Your fear is evident, written all over your face and body as your eyes widen and you tense up, leaning away from your lover, too scared to take a step back in case he takes one forward. 

In a matter of a few, long, agonisingly drawn out seconds, Hannibal finally made his move.

He spun on his heel, and silently left the room. Walking away to another part of the house, anywhere, so long as it was away from you. 

It wasn’t an issue of disgust towards you, it was a lack of self control. The thought of killing, whilst exhilarating to him, felt wrong when it was you. 

But still, you’d crossed a very dangerous line, and the anger mixed with the harsh, bitter feelings of betrayal would cause him to act rather...vulgarly. 

He doesn’t sleep in the same bed as you that night, he uses one of the guest bedrooms. Still to resentful to speak to you to kick you out of his bedroom. 

There are no dinner conversations. He’ll sit and eat with you, but refuses to speak to or look at you. 

He’d explain that you need to apologise, but each time he thinks about confronting you his feelings gather in his stomach again, twisting his abdomen making him feel sick and furious over and over

It takes you less than a week to approach him whilst he’s busy in the library, reading over some patients files and pretending he doesn’t see you as you nervously block the doorway

“Hann...” You croak. He glances upwards.

“I’m really sorry...”

[kyracanwrite]

Rainy Days calls for confessions.

Gilbert Blythe x Fem/ Gender neutral? Reader

Summary; You forget your umbrella, leading to someone offering a helping hand. You have no other choice than to accept the help.

Rebloging is heavily appreciated <33

Not proof read

Warnings; Slight angst (if you squint), and fluff.

NOW PLAYING; -----------Space song

Up next;

-You get me so high

-Beauty is Empty - Mars Argo

-

꧁••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••꧂

“Shoot!” You mumbled, chewing on your bottom lip as you saw the clear crystals fall from the sky.

“You alright, Y/n?” Anne asked, putting on her jacket with Diana at her side, both of them having concerned looks on their faces.

“Yeah I’m alright, don’t worry about me.” You furrowed your brows and waved the girls concerns off.

“Oh, okay. Well we’ll see you tomorrow then?” Diana said while smiling, attempting to lift up the mood as much as she could.

“Yeah! Of course.” You smiled.

“Alright, well bye then, N/n!” Anne waved, her and Diana getting their umbrellas and leaving.

You bit your fingernails as you watched the small classroom empty of all children.

“Oh well, guess I’ll get a natural bath..” You joked, grabbing your things.

You felt a tap on your shoulder and you turned around, being met with your handsome rival, Gilbert Blythe.

“Oh. Hello, Gilbert.” You said in a monotone voice.

“Hey I didn’t come here to argue with you.” He smirked, putting his hands up. “I couldn’t help but notice you didn’t bring your umbrella.”

“Well I— Uhm..” You tried to think of a good excuse, “I forgot it, that’s all.” You crossed your arms.

“Sure. Well mines big enough for two? And I have things I need to tell you.” Gilbert offered, scratching his neck.

You side eyed a window, watching the aggressive rainfall. You bit the inside of your cheek.

“It’s better then going home with frostbite.” Gilbert tried convincing you.

“Fine. But only because I don’t wanna get sick.”

“Fine by me.” Gilbert smiled. The both of you walked outside and Gilbert opened his umbrella, and you went under it, being uncomfortably (😏) close to Gilbert.

You both started the walk to your house. “So what did you wanna tell me?” You furrowed your brows and played with the shiny rings on your soft fingers. (I feel like my skin is so much softer in the winter idk why- probably bc it’s a lot wetter out and not dry asf)

“I just— I don’t like being your enemy.” Gilbert frowned, and your eyes widened. “I never meant to get on your bad side. Whatever I did, I’m sorry.”

You blushed at his confession. “Same with me. I guess I just acted like I hated you to hide the fact that I like you. That I really like you.” Your mouth moved faster than your brain and you accidentally let out the secret you swore to keep.

Your eyes widened and you stopped walking, “I’m so sorry— I didn’t mean to- if you don’t like me back that’s totally okay too.” You furrowed your brows and frowned, focusing on your hands that suddenly became much more interesting than the conversation.

You didn’t dare to look at Gilbert, being afraid of rejection. You felt a hand go underneath your chin and lift your head up. Before you could process what was happening a pair of soft lips were on yours.

You melted into the kiss and wrapped your arms around Gilbert’s neck, deepening the kiss.

“I’ll take that as an ‘I like you too.’” You giggled, making Gilbert blush.

“I guess you can.” He smirked. “Continue our walk?”

“Yeah.” You smiled, grabbing onto his free hand.

He intertwined your fingers together and continued walking.

Once you both got to your house, you let go of his hand and walked to the porch with him.

“Thanks for letting me use the umbrella with you.” You smiled.

“No problem.” He smiled back at you, before you kissed him again.

“See you tomorrow?”

“See you tomorrow.” You waved to him before entering your house.

You watched him leave with the brightest smile you’d ever seen on him and your heart swooned. You loved being the cause for his happiness, rather than his anger. It was a much better feeling.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Like my writing? Go here for my masterlist! <3