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atebyflowers · 6 months ago

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puppy | E.W

first time writing full smut . . so be gracious pls. i don't rmb ib . . so tag if u do lol — cw: sub!ellie, loser!ellie, fem reader, both afab, sex (duh), slight dacryphilia, fingering, cunnilingus, mommy kink, scissoring, cum eating, dom!reader, lol lol okay . . think thats all 🐈‍⬛ UNEDITED so ignore errors ty

"I need her so bad.” you say as you drag a cigarette between your lips, digging through your pockets in search of a lighter. The evening was loud, you and Dina has stepped out of the house to break from the over crowded party — the whether damp and gloomy making it look like midnight already. You groaned as dina took the cigarette out of your mouth, lighting it as she grew impatient waiting for you to finish digging through your pockets. "Did you even hear me?" You scoffed standing up to grab the now lit cigarette from her hands. Dina rolled her eyes at you, slightly laughing at what she thought, was your stupidity. "Shes to innocent for you babe" she replied after blowing out the smoke. "Yea? I'm sure nobody's that innocent. ." You replied taking another inhale from the cigarette. “You remember when i had to tutor her on sex ed?!" Dina laughed louder though her words, you scoff “that means nothing, maybe she needed help finding-" Dina cut you off with an even louder laugh, you rolled your eyes once again and shoved past her — stomping on the cigarette as you walked back into the house.

It was your sophomore year of college, at first — you were dreading moving back into your dorm the moment you found out you would have to move into a double this semester. Lucky for you, that all changed the moment you realize who your roomate was. Ellie. . the girl you've been practically obsessed with for as long as you can remember. God was she a fucking loser—but you loved it. The way she subtly watched you in admiration thinking you never noticed, the way she'd follow you around like a lost puppy whenever you hanged out in large groups . . She was an addiction to you — and you needed more. With her bed right across from yours, your mind spiraled with the ideas of her every time the sun set. When you finally fell asleep, all you could dream about was the way she’d sound underneath your grip . . fuck it killed you. You knew ellie was inexperienced, definitely not innocent like dina described it . . but she had never been with a girl the way you had been with a girl — you hated it, but we're also obsessed with the idea of being her first full body.

standing in front of the door to your dorm, Dina scoffed before you turned around to face her. "Suddenly you're nervous?" She questioned looking at you with an attitude, "I'm not . . fuck off dina" you responded. It was midnight now, actually midnight, and the two of you finally made it back to campus. Clothes drenched by the sudden storm — you turned away from the black haired girl and pulled out your dorm key. "I'll be praying for you, but i still don't think you have a chance!" Dina said, walking off before you could respond. You sighed heavily leaning your head back before you fully unlocked the door walked inside shaking your head. You hang up your soaked jacket and lift off your T-shirt leaving a tank top underneath. Throwing the wet t-shirt into your laundry hamper, you're caught off gaurd by the sounds of groans.

"Els?" You question walking into kitchen, making her jump. "Sorry, didn't mean to scare you . . But you're really loud" you laughed. Ellie sighs through a laugh and turns back to her papers placing her pencil down on the counter. You walked closer to her, studying her expressions in an attempt to read her feelings. Watching her for a few moments in silence, you view her furrowed eyebrows as she chews on the eraser of her pencil. Moving even closer to lean over her shoulder, your breathe against her skin catches her off gaurd. "Need any help?" You question, slightly dragging your fingers up and down her exposed arms. Ellie smiled to herself before responding, "like you could help me" she scoffed sarcastically and you frowned "what is that supposed to mean?" You questioned, and ellie turned around to face you, you — backing up slightly so your eyes could meet once she's adjusted in her chair. "I just mean . . you know, I'm smart. . It's okay" her words made you laugh, "oh I know you're smart baby, but you look so stressed" you said patting her head, nearly petting her as she blushed at your response. "so pathetic" you thought in your head, your

teasing was ever so slightly, yet just enough to make her a re mess. Standing just above her, Ellie's eyes uncontrollably meet your chest — staring for a moment before she catches herself and looks away. You giggle as you watch her, causing sudden embarrassment to flush over her. "My eyes are up here" you said lifting her chin to face you, "i wasn-" Ellie's voice was shaky as she met your eyes again — nearly trembling over how close you two were. "I'm sorry" she barely gets out through a voice crack. You bite your lips hiding a smile as you look down at her, caressing her cheeks with your thumb. You hummed, pulling your body on top of hers in a straddle position—ellie's body slightly shocked by the sudden contact. "Look at me" you said as she tried to look in any other direction, before obeying your words and looking up at you. "have you done this before?" you questioned her remaining eye contact, your softer now — somewhat soothing her firing anxiety. Ellie shook her head, staring at you like a deer caught in the headlights. You chuckled, still soothing her cheeks with free hand — the other one caressing her thigh. "Have you thought about it?" You asked her bluntly, your voice just barely above a whisper as your faces were now closer than ever — lips Barry just brushing over eachother as ellie did nothing but whine in response. "use ur words baby . ." You responded, using your free hand to grab her jaw, forcing eye contact. "Yes" she stuttered through her response and you smirked, her breathe heavily filling the room already. "Tell me then . . . have you thought about?" You whispered again, eyes now on her lips.

"you . . I've thought about you" she blurted out, your eyes dragging up from her lips and onto hers. those words was all it took for you to pull her up, making her stand with you as you dragged her over to the living room and onto the couch. obediently, she sits down on the cushions as you tower over her — watching her fidget in her seat before you move to straddle her again. holding her chin with your hand, you pull her lips into yours aggressively — guiding her hands onto your waist. Ellie grips your sides as you slightly grind yourself against her — the small friction sending her into a trance. struggling to focus on your lips, distracted by her desperate attempts to feel you — you pull away from the kiss giving her a moment to breathe. "What do you want me to do?” you whisper, your breathe brushing her lips. Ellie whines and you grip her chin harder, "use your words . ." You add onto your words, causing her to whine again and choke out a response. "please . . touch me" she says softly — you smiling at her words.

pushing her down onto the couch, your mouth is on her lips again — even more aggressive then before, and Ellie wines as you make your way down her body. Dragging down her bottoms, you gently brush your hand over her boxers — ellies breath growing heavier with every touch. slowly enough to make her whine, you pull down hee boxers and push your hand up her body before dragging it back down. "

“You’re so pretty” You whisper, ellies eyes fluttering as her face grew red. "has anyone else ever seen you like this?" you questioned with your hand caressing her thigh again, your eyes watching it before you move them to look at her. ellie shakes her head before letting out a quiet "no", her response making you smile as you dragged your hand from her thigh onto her cunt, a moan escaping her lips in response to the sudden pleasure. Her desperation has you over the edge. She's a mess as you continue to rub her clit before bring your mouth down. your tongue gently moving up and down causes desperate 'pleases' to escape her mouth. Looking up at her with your head still between her legs, you move your down to her entrance. Without warning, you push two fingers into her cunt slowly — the suddenness causing a loud "fuck" to come out of her mouth.

"so perfect" you whine out, leaning down to latch your mouth into her clot — sucking onto it as you speed up your pace. fingers pumping in and out of her, ellies moans filled your ears — causing your own pleasure to form below. "f-feels so good. ." She whines out, her voice breaking as she attempts to hide her moans. Her words spark something within your body, making you increase your pace — the wetness between your mouth still sucking on her clit, and the juices spilling from ber cunt, causing you to moan into her. "I'm gonna-" she attempts to speak but cuts herself off with another loud moan.

"Not yet baby . . wanna hear you" you breathe out louder than before, removing your mouth for a slight moment to speak before pushing yourself back into her. she was an addiction, her sweet taste making it nearly impossible for you to stop. Tears spilled from ellies eyes as she attempted to obey your commands, grinding her hips into your face and fingers — she was entirely overwhelmed. "p-please, please let me cum.” She cries, her new tone causing you to smile to yourself.

Removing your mouth from her, your fingers still at a steady pace, you lean over her and use your free hand to grab her face harshly. "Say it again" you instructed her, her eyes still filled with tears as she practically yelled out her response. "Please- please mommy, please I need it.” Her words sending electricity throughout your body and you grow needy. With your own wet spot grown on your shorts, you remove your fingers from inside her causing her to whine loudly. Moving the fabric aside, you push your body onto hers. Careful not to waste time, you alone your clit with hers — holding her body down just enough for you to aggressively grind against her. The two of you moaning loud enough for whoever might be walking by the rooms to hear, shamelessly shes yelling your name as you fuck her ruthlessly. "it's . . Too much please, please y/n" she whimpered out, you aggressively pushing yourself down onto her harder, "take it baby . . you're doing so good. ." You responded, your tone sympathetic to her cries. ellie attempts to grind herself against you, desperate to put work in. "I need to cum, please let me cum, it- y-you f-feel so fucking good" she cries out louder than ever and you can feel your own release coming on with every grind against her soaking clit. "Cum with me baby . . . cum with mommy" you ordered in a husky tone, your voice alone being enough for her orgasm to come over her.

Before she could come down from her climax, you lifted yourself off of her — a string of your releases trailing off of your clit as you shifted your body down once again, pushing your mouth into her cum filled cunt. Ellie whimpered as you took her in, savouring her taste and sucking on her ever so slightly — being cautious of her sensitivity. Releasing your mouth from her body, you looked up at her — her hair a mess and her eyes still watery as she attempted to catch her breathe. You began kissing up her body until you reached her face, caressing her body up and down gently, she did the same with what strength she had left in her. "such a good girl" you whispered out, your eyes meeting her reddened face causing you to smile. "mmmm . ." You moaned into her lips as you pulled her in for a more gentle and passionate kiss.

"you did so good baby" you said barely moved away from her lips, "so so good" you added on, caressing her blushed face as her eyes — still dampened from her heavy tears, fluttered tiredly in response to your praises.

#🫧 sena #ellie x reader

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haleysgf · 5 months ago

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sunflowers

Haley x Reader (Farmer)

Summary: Emily told her to carefully place the letter and roll of cloth into the Farmer's (albeit overflowing) mailbox. Easy instructions with a short note detailing how to get to the farm. Hayley would have to do it after she put the newest sunflower on her doorstep into the steadily growing vase on her dresser.

Warnings: None! Intended to be female farmer/haley, but no pronouns are used

A/n: I saw the cutest tik tok and it inspired me to make a whole new blog to get the idea onto paper. See the tik tok here -> ib

w.c. 1.4k

--♡--

'Please take this roll of cloth and note to the farmer! I have an errand to run in Calico Desert today, so I wont be able to! -E'

Haley yawned as she stared down at the note on the dining table. She blinked twice before groaning in annoyance, picking up the note and flipping it over to see carefully written out instructions detailing how to get to the farm. Glaring at the roll of cloth and carefully sealed envelope addressed to the farmer, she gingerly pushes them aside, making room for her to set down her bowl of cereal.

She chews slowly, hoping that if she moves slow enough, she wouldn't have to go and face the farmer as she delivered her sister's gift. Haley didn't mind having to see the farmer. It's not like she disliked the farmer, rather, she just doesn't understand why they would choose Pelican town of all places.

A glance to her phone tells her it's nearing noon, and if Emily isn't back to the house by now, it's more than likely she won't be home until after her shift at the saloon.

Haley sighs, again, and after placing her bowl in the sink, trudges to her room to fix up her hair and apply some makeup, just to look presentable. And most definitely not because she wants to look her best, just in case she does end up seeing the farmer.

It's basically one by the time she's done, and Haley takes a deep breath as she collects all of the items for delivery, hoping that the mud from the rain yesterday won't ruin her shoes as much as she anticipates.

She moves slowly, shifting the weight of the cloth to her hip as she opens her front door with one hand, blowing the strand of hair that fell into her face out of the way.

The sun is bright, and she shifts the cloth again before glancing down, warmth blooming in her chest.

Laying neatly on her doorstep was a sunflower, a bright thing, trimmed neatly with a bow tied carefully to the stem.

Haley glances outside, barely suppressing her smile, attempting to see if the owner was still around.

Seeing nothing but the young boy, 'Vincent' her head provides, poking around in the river, the smile on her face slips a little. Haley makes quick work of placing the cloth and letter on the coffee table by the door before bending down and gently picking up the flower. She admires it for a little before her hand smooths over the ribbon attached. Her cheeks are warm, and she flushes with affection at the thought of someone going out of their way to deliver something she loves to her doorstep.

She takes it to her room, smiling all the while, as she pulls the little glass vase on her dresser towards her, placing the flower in the water gently.

There's a total of seven now, one for each morning the past week. Haley has no idea who could be leaving the flowers, but a flush of affection blooms in her heart for whoever it could be.

She carefully thumbs over a petal on the oldest sunflower, beginning to wilt, it's petals growing softer by the day.

There's a couple minutes of Haley gently smiling at the flowers before she remembers the errand she has to run.

The flowers are left with one last glance as she closes her room door behind her, smiling to herself as she picks up the cloth and letter from the table before making her way outside.

It's hot outside, as expected from summer, but Haley's mind is only concerned about any sweat stains on her clothes, or the possibility her makeup is running. Additionally, the walk is longer than she previously expected, sparing a glance to the bus stop and then to her shoes, caked with mud. Haley sighs.

She hadn't visited the farm before, finding the distance a deterrent along with the fact that she simply had no reason to visit previously. The mud and the sweat Haley's sure is running down her throat is only further justification for why she's never visited.

There's a sign that points down the road, the farm's name written neatly in Robin's handwriting.

At least she's headed in the right direction.

The walk is only a little longer before the path gives way to a large expanse of land and a large farmhouse on her right. The mailbox is easy to spot, slightly overflowing with various letters and items gifted from those in the community.

'Popular.' Haley thinks offhandedly, shifting the cloth around in her arms. She's starting to wonder if she should've written a letter of her own to stick in the mailbox alongside her sister's.

'Well, too late.' She thinks, walking over to the mailbox.

It's not easy fitting the cloth and letter in the mailbox, but she's able to fit it alongside all of the other things. Haley's even sure that there was a rock in the mailbox. What the farmer needs the rock for? She's not sure.

Once she's completely sure that the mailbox won't burst open, spilling all of it's contents all over the floor, she allows herself to look around. She justifies the look around, 'snooping' the voice in her head helpfully chirps, by telling herself that she's looking for the farmer. Someone has to tell them to check their mailbox.

There's a box to the right of the farmhouse, and when she opens it, peering inside curiously, there's a case of wine neatly placed inside, along with a box of blueberries and other miscellaneous items.

She closes the box, the lid closing heavily as it shuts, and turns around. If she squints, Haley's sure there's a silo, and a small chicken coop, but the land is mostly worked, green plants sprouting up from the group. She's almost jealous that the farmer's so good with plants.

Her shoes click on the wooden walkways that the farmer has placed down, looking around, when something yellow in the corner of her eye catches her attention.

She turns and follows the path towards where the glimpse of yellow came from. The path curves around some trees, previously blocking her view. When her field of vision clears of trees, the breath in her chest rushes out of her body.

There's a small plot of land, seemingly dedicated to sunflowers.

Her legs move towards the plot without her permission, and her hand comes up to touch the soft petals of the proud flowers.

She walks around the square plot, mesmerized by the flowers, before coming across one empty spot. There must've been a flower here at one point, the rest of the flowers uniformly lined up, at different stages of growth.

Haley's eyes widen as she notes which flowers are blooming in different stages.

There's six total plants in the plot that are still in the process of blooming, the oldest one just waiting to bloom.

Her heartbeat is loud in her chest as she makes multiple different connections at once.

First, the farmer has an entire plot of farmland dedicated to her favorite flower. Second, the flowers she's been receiving for the last week are more than likely from the farmer. Third, the affection in her chest and the heat that is steadily growing on her cheeks is definitely not a normal reaction.

The sound of boots on wood pull her attention from the blooms, as she locks eyes with the farmer.

They're slightly muddy, holding a pail of milk in one hand, the other holding a silver watering can.

Her heartbeat thunders in her chest as her eyes zero in on the bead of sweat falling on the farmer's throat, and the press of biceps against the fabric of their shirt.

Haley's almost positive that she's trespassing, but she's more positive that the farmer looks so pretty in the summer heat.

She makes a couple of aborted noises, before her hand comes up to point at the sunflowers.

"You grow these?"

Of all of the things she could have said, Haley's sure that this could be one of the worst things.

The farmer simply shoots them a smile, setting down the milk pail by their feet.

"Yeah, aren't they pretty?"

Haley notes that the farmer never broke eye contact as they spoke.

"They're my absolute favorite."

Her heart pounds in her chest as the farmer's smile grows almost sheepish.

"I know."

#stardew valley x farmer #stardew valley x reader #stardew valley x you #stardew haley x reader #stardew x reader #stardew x farmer #haley x farmer #haley x reader #sdv x reader #sdv x farmer #stardew imagine

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boyfhee · 1 year ago

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MARRIED UNDER TWENTY-FIVE / sjy

SYNOPSIS : a look into yours and jake’s life as you meet, fall in love, get married, and lose each other— all under twenty-five. ( 5.3k )

or, eight months after your death, jake finds the courage to open your letter.

GENRE : heavy angst, bittersweet

WARNINGS : death, grief and grieving, heavy drinking, smoking, implications of substance abuse, one mention of intrusive thoughts, my attempt at cinematic parallels but in writing so i hope it's not confusing, switches between past and present. byf : written in italics are the contents of the letter

NOTE : was in the zone while writing this like the way i teared up?? boyfhee angst returns happy reading, everyone. ALSO big thanks to @flwrshee ri my bae for beta-reading this and reminding me to work on this from time to time lmfao. ib : richard feynman's letter to his dead wife (need someone who loves me the way he loves her)

buried in jake’s drawer is the letter he found four months ago. actually, it has been sitting there for over a year, under the pile of other papers and envelopes, tucked in the lowest drawer of the shelf, one that is rarely ever opened. you had put it there for him to find it— hoped that he would find it because you couldn’t bring yourself to give it to him yourself. jake had stumbled across it four months after you left him forever. four months after walking and stumbling, after four months of staring blankly at his ceiling, the letter is the closest he can get to you.

he keeps it with him, in his bag, sometimes tucked in his coat during winters, as a bookmark for the books he reads that take him to back you, even if you only exist as a figment of his imagination. he keeps it on the bed-side table before he goes to sleep, it’s there in front of him on evenings he drinks for hours on empty. the letter stays unopened— he couldn’t bring himself to open it. his fingers brush against the pale paper and it feels like a sword to his heart. opening that letter feels like tearing you apart, and four months is what it takes jake to sit by the kitchen counter with the letter once again; with pain in his eyes and a scissors by the side.

eight months after you’re gone, jake finds the strength to read it.

‘i think the first time i fell for you wasn’t at the bookstore,’

your handwriting feels like a warm hug after a long day. his fingers tighten around the loose sheet of paper, a faint crease forming along the edges. a single tear rolls down his cheeks.

‘it was that day at the bus stop. it was raining, i was running towards the bus stop, covering my head with my bag. fortunately enough, the bus arrived a minute after, and you happily lent me your jacket before getting off at your stop,’

and jake remembers it clearly. grey skies and merciless rain, he was already late for his evening classes and the weather didn’t seem to help. he already missed a bus before making it to the bus stop near his apartment and managing to catch another, his umbrella decided to malfunction in the worst way on seemingly the worst day. his perfectly styled hair was ruined thanks to running in rain, across and under the sheds he could find. jake was so sure, it was the worst day in the nineteen years of his life, until the bus arrived at the stop, and his eyes handed on you as you stood at the bus stand, annoyed at the weather.

jake could hear one of his friends calling his name from a distance as soon as he gets down from the bus, but all he did was look at you and offer you his jacket— the most far-from-normal and astonishing thing he had ever done— before you aboard the bus, shooting him a soft smile from the windows as it drove away.

‘i still don’t know why you did that,’

reading further, jake realises that he doesn’t know why he did that either. the two of you weren’t even heading in the same direction. he was rushing to the university campus while you wanted to catch the bus to your way home. the chances that he would get his jacket back were low, almost zero. there are days when he sits by the window and thinks about all the stuff you did together, about everything he did that led him to you. the jacket, perhaps it was supposed to end up with you, maybe it was the only way nineteen year old jake could’ve talked to you and get one step closer to your world after admiring you from the sidelines for months.

‘the bookstore, i think it’s a place where i realised that i’m in love with you. a place where i made all my decisions about you, where i shared my firsts and lasts with you— as promised. if you’re wondering why i’m writing a letter in this date and era,’

his eyes are a little blurry, there’s a picture of you in the said book store in his mind. it’s like a nineties short film— a grainy image, slightly blurred, the voices are muffled, but jake feels every emotion down to the very core of his heart.

on some days, he ends up in front of the same bookstore. there are evenings he sets out on a journey with no destination, wherever the roads take him. his eyes are up towards the sky, usually towards the venus shining like a gemstone, he likes to think it’s you, that you ended up being the favourite star in the sky. on evenings like those, jake sits outside the very bookstore his and your story originates from and lets his mind play the picture, tracing over the image of you in his mind. sometimes, he goes inside and sits at the same place you both used to sit, he’d pick the same books you used to read, occasionally coming across tiny doodles you left on some pages even though it violated the rules.

‘it’s because i’m afraid i haven’t loved you enough,’

the words hit him like a train travelling at hundreds of kilometres per hour. jake pauses, putting aside his glass of alcohol, letting the words and tears you spilled on the paper diffuse through the tips of his fingers, wanting them to flow like they’re the blood in his veins. he reads it all over again, a single tear rolls down his cheek, a lifeless sigh escapes his mouth.

‘because you were there on nights i stayed in the library to study for exams. you were there, at my door, whenever i needed you to drive me to classes. you were there outside my class, waiting for me, during lunch when i needed someone to hear my complaints, at the bus stop on days it got late because you didn’t like the idea of me going home all alone at night,’

because you were there on noons that jake had trouble remembering reactions of carboxylic acids and amines. you were there to bring him snacks or lunch whenever he got a little too immersed in concepts of quantum mechanics to even remember about his meals. you were there when he called you to complain about his professor, who kept adding his name to every single project, all because jake was an excellent student. when you stayed with him throughout the evening and beyond at the campus, accompanying you to your apartment late at night was the least he could do to thank you.

‘you were there on the night it was raining and the power went out. i still remember how you looked— drenched and worried with your phone’s flashlight turned on, standing at my doorstep. you said that the crime rates were high and that it’s better for me to stay at your place that night. you were there for me day, noon and night, and all i’m doing in the end is saying goodbye.’

it was his first instinct— maybe even beyond first, if it exists, because the power went out in your whole neighbourhood, and jake was already calling you while running down the streets, towards your apartment, with nothing but his flashlight to guide him through the complete blackout that night. when you asked him why he was at your place, he spent ten minutes looking for an appropriate reason. perhaps, it was because he wanted to see you, or because he was worried to death, maybe acts of service are how you both look after each other— doing favours and being the helping hand. jake didn’t know, he still doesn’t know, as he sits by his kitchen counter, letting the small sips of alcohol intoxicate his systems gradually, killing him slowly, in a way that hurts so right. asking you to spend the night at his place was the toughest and the bravest decision jake had made in his entire life.

‘agreeing to do that summer festival dance with you is still the best decision i’ve ever made, my proudest moment, and letting you step into my life was the second best. nothing compares to when you joined the music club and changed my life forever.’

the summer festival dance— jake remembers it, the memory is as clear as a crystal in his head, ingrained in his mind, every single second playing at the back of his mind even when he’s half wasted, as if he’s reliving the moment. no one had enough time to dedicate themselves to a mere summer festival dance, but jake saw you looking at the flyers on the notice board just three minutes after he had told jay that dancing was not his thing, and he knew he needed to get that dance with you.

getting partnered up with you was a pure coincidence, but everything that led to it wasn’t. the deliberate bumping in the hallways and the extra cups of coffee that jake bought every morning for a friend that never seemed to attend classes, everything led to him and you standing in the practice room in front of him, helping him come up with dance steps for audition, which finally led to his selection on the team.

jake attempts to gulp down all the contents of his glass before realising that it’s empty. another sigh falls off his lips as he reaches out for the bottle kept across the counter, pouring him yet another glass for the evening, another day spent drinking while drowning in the thoughts of you, another line of intoxication, another stray tear rolling down his face, another memory creeps inside his brain— this first dance rehearsal.

he could’ve sworn, his heart stopped beating for good ten seconds when the instructor told him that he needed to lift you up for a dynamic step during the intro. it was simple— you in front of him, his hands on your waist, he would lift you up— but the hands on the waist, his hands on your waist, jake felt like he was about to pass out. the second time his heart skipped a beat was when you grabbed his hands and put it on your waist because he was hesitating beyond belief, and that was the beginning of everything.

and the hand stayed there for as long as jake could remember. his hand resided on your waist whether you both were crossing the road, or sitting on a park bench while you showed him pictures of layla you look the evening before, or while taking mirror selfies, or in all those moments that he spent slow dancing across the living room with you. it was as if your waist had been the home his hands were searching for and now that you’re gone, they feel empty. in the silence suffocating him, sitting on a chair with his head hung low, the floor looks so pretty. there's a faint reflection of him on the tiles, then his eyes land on his hands.

maybe it's the timing that has been making him feel this way. perhaps, it's the location, the empty rooms with threatening silence and the empty streets, the empty hallway, the empty hours, the lack of something and abundance of everything— it's making him go insane. it’s the empty pockets of the seconds that pass by, an undisturbed wave of silence that is disturbed everytime he sighs or gets his glass on the granite kitchen countertop, pouring himself another glass of cancer.

he sniffs, it could be from cold or tears. jake can’t point to the reasons anymore. his gaze settles on your letter that lies on his lap, a few of his tears soak through the paper. he puts his glass aside once to pick up the letter and pads on your words with his fingertips, not wanting them to get smudged by his tears. occasionally, he tries to convince himself that this is a dream. that you're here, somewhere, perhaps at work or at the nursery, maybe out shopping with a friend or at your parent's house because you've been missing them lately. jake imagines himself waiting for you at the station or the bus stand or the airport, smiling like a fool because he hasn't seen you in days and finally he can have you close to him, his lips on yours, your hand in his,

but now, his hands feel emptier.

there's a yearning for something he doesn’t know. his apartment feels emptier, the stillness amongst your stuff that lies around even after eight months of your death is paralysing. his arms stretch across the bed at night in hopes of feeling something, anything. he takes another sip from his glass, eyes focusing on your letter once again as he reads further.

‘you can call me crazy but every second with you felt like living in a whole new world. i started noticing things i didn’t before— seriously, who even smiles while watching wind ruffle through clothes hung up for drying? it was as though i was living a monochromatic life, the same routine, same pattern; then it was you, and everything around me became so beautiful. suddenly, i stopped caring about assignments because i needed to talk to you all night. i didn’t care what i was getting into by skipping prof. hong’s lectures because we got to hang out together. i was knee deep in troubles but god, i was so happy because i had you standing in front of me, and i knew you’d pull me out. i know you’d be on the ninth cloud while reading this, probably even call me stupid but i don’t mind because it’s true; i am madly, stupidly, crazily, insanely in love with you,’

jake remembers the day he came to your apartment for the very first time.

you two weren’t dating, but the line in between had started to blur, fading into something none of you could see but both of you enjoyed. amidst alcohol and the faint odour of cigarettes that encapsulates him, being all the reasons behind his stumbling steps and hazy mind, jake could still see you clearly in the back of his mind— the way you glowed under the mid-morning sun, the warm breeze sweeping away stray strands of your hair out of your face, and your arms raised up above your head to hang the clothes up for drying. he could make out your smile through the silence between you two. no words were shared, but the fluttering glances and quiet smiles said more than any words could ever convey.

and then jake realised— it wasn’t just you feeling this way.

the presence of something intricately new in your daily routine, although too minute to point out with your fingers, lingered throughout his days and nights after meeting you. suddenly, the boring computer science lessons didn’t seem bad, for you would visit him after the classes. jake, who used to arrive in class exactly on time, started arriving minutes and hours early just to see you, maybe, even strike a conversation. you had mentioned to him your favourite thing about him— the way his hands hesitatingly slide inside his pockets whenever one of your friends mistook him as your boyfriend. it was the way he smiles, the subtle rosy tint on his cheeks, the shy gaze travelling everywhere but to your face because he was too embarrassed to look at you. being mistaken as each other’s lovers was a mistake none of you clarified, and it was only a matter of time before it came true.

when his eyes settled on your panting for hair in a secluded corner of the hallway after running out of professor hong’s classes while he was just about to notice you two was the moment jake fell in love with you.

and jake falls first, he falls hard.

because there were two tickets to the movie in his pockets with words of asking you out on the tip of his tongue, just waiting to be spoken, and he was too busy being enamoured by your laughter as you leaned against the wall, catching your breath. your laugh is the music to his ears, watching you is better than any movie ever directed, and the feeling of his lips on you just a minute later in the same corner of the hallway is still the best feeling he has ever felt in his entire life. you were like a painter and his life— a canvas; and it was only after you he started seeing colours.

jake could get any girl he wanted but it was only after you, he realised who he needed in his life.

‘remember the day you proposed to me? i cried all night.’

and jake lets out a dry chuckle as he reads through those words, gripping his glass a little tighter, feeling the carved patterns through the tip of his fingers. his eyes travel to the ring adored on his finger. it’s one thing keeping him close to wherever you are, and his eyes occasionally travel to the pen lying stray across the counter after he wrote something he, himself, doesn’t member. his fingers brush over the words you’ve written, letters that insinuate of you as he weep with love— jake wants to write back to you but he couldn’t, for he doesn’t know your new address.

‘it felt like a fever dream, the thought of marrying you. we met at nineteen, we fell in love at twenty, we got married at twenty-two— all under twenty-five, it was scary. it was like a thrill ride, like a rollercoaster, i had my parents tell me to wait things out. there were people who told me things, words about how i should be sure of who i’m marrying, certain if that person is right for me. it was the world against you and me, and i hate to admit that i understood their stance, but they never knew you like i do. they knew the jake who i fell in love with deeply enough to marry within four years. in their story, it was you and me and our young and immature love, and that’s it.’

it’s ironic because jake didn’t sleep all night after you said yes to his proposal. getting married at twenty-two was an adventure, you being the general instigator all, and he would just follow. waiting things out wasn’t even an option when it came to you, he knew what he wanted. you cried even while buying your engagement rings, on the wedding dress trial, the day before the wedding, and jake was there, every single time, holding you close, smiling against your lips as his kisses soothed you down. his heart was overflowing with love, with happiness he couldn’t contain.

being engaged was an eccentric feeling overall.

you weren’t his girlfriend, nor his wife. fiancée would be a better term, but jake called it a phase of transition. the knot was yet to be tied, people tried convincing you two out of it left and right. uncertainty spun in the air instead of saccharine smiles that usually cloud the days during weddings. it was the world against him and you— him, you, and your young immature love, a pair of rings exchanged, a promise made, a promise to stay.

and jake chuckles again, half annoyed, perhaps at fate, perhaps at himself. you promised to stay. another sip of alcohol goes down his throat, it tastes bitter than it used to. your picture in his head gets clearer as his vision starts to lose focus, your laughter echoes through the cracks in his heart. it reflects through every corner of his body, it stays inside with a yearning that makes him ache for you. your memory is now a child that he tries to lose in a grocery store, but also a place he comes to at the end of the day because nothing quite feels like home anymore.

‘do you remember that conversation we had about secret codes? one that went on about how even inanimate objects could have ways to communicate? that is how i feel about you. it’s untranslatable, i cannot put it in words for others to understand. it’s a language that only me and my heart know.’

it all started on your very first marriage anniversary— heavy rains, skies painted grey, thunders seemed to exhibit their own orchestral opening. inside, the place was warm, his arms. sitting on the couch as you two sipped on hot chocolate, wrapped in blanket and soft giggles and laughter that emerged everytime one of you tried and stole a kiss. jake constantly apologised for not being able to do much for you and you would so exquisitely whisper to him how nothing matters as long as you have him while tracing your lips all over his face. he doesn’t remember when the conversation went from talking about how your kids would look to discussing whether the paintings hung up on the walls on your living room speak as well. no conclusion was drawn and the whole conversation was discarded as just another silly discussion, although jake knew what to make out of it.

the way you laughed when he tickled your sides, or the giggle that danced off your lips when his lips brushed against the tips of your fingers, the rhythm your heart beat when he placed his head on your chest, holding you ever so close, the conversations you two had by just looking into each other’s eyes. jake still can’t put it in words, it’s beyond the understanding of the world. he can blather about you to the stars and beyond and they would still not know you, but jake knows that if you were to come to him with a face he had never seen and a voice ever so unfamiliar, he would still know you. you’re far too well intertwined in his soul, he feels pieces of himself disappearing every time a distant memory of you blurs in his mind.

and perhaps, the stars will go out before he forgets you.

‘i don’t know if i chose the right university to graduate from, if my major was worth the effort, if giving up on caffeine was actually good for my health. there are a lot of things i’m unsure of, but jake, my darling, you, you’re one thing i know i got right. you’re something i’d choose over and over again, over a thousand times over a thousand years in a thousand different worlds. people have their doubts but i don’t, because i know that if i’m ever given a chance, i’d choose to take your jacket again, i’d have that dance with you, i’d fall for you at nineteen and i’d marry you under twenty-five once again.’

there’s a sense of uncertainty that always plagued his mind, at all points of his life. even now, when he’s sitting by the counter drinking glasses after glasses, an ashtray just a few inches away with the smoke still emerging like lifeless souls looking for their graves. there’s a voice that is telling him to stop, it sounds like you, or maybe, it’s just the alcohol playing tricks again.

he’s not sure.

nineteen year old jake didn’t know if he wanted you. he had a lot on his plate— expectations from people he knew, a whole life in front of him and he was out in the wild, with no plans or whatsoever. you were like another wind blown past him one august afternoon, your smile just another thing his eyes passed by, yet the first thing to flood his mind at night. it’s the sheer lack of certitude— why did he give you his jacket? why did his mind think of only you when it came to the summer festival dance? why is it that only your eyes seemed like his entire world? jake has been walking with his steps laced with hesitation, a fear of what could go wrong. it didn’t matter when it came to you. nineteen year old jake didn’t know if he wanted you, albeit he knew he didn’t want anyone else to have you.

‘you’re probably wondering why i’m writing this instead of telling you when i had the time, or why i didn’t give this to you sooner. it’s because i want you to read this if you ever feel lost, and i wanted to take my time and choose the right words. i wished for a life where i wouldn’t have to live without you, and if i knew that would end up with heavens changing our fates, i would’ve done anything to save you from this pain.’

his eyes are the first to remember. the face that he once cradled in his hands, now just a figment of his memories, an illusion he sees through mirrors and turns around frantically, heart beating out of his chest, hoping you’re still here. sometimes, he sits at the bus stands and formulates your responses to everything happening around. he sighs, brushing his fingers over the wedding ring as he pictures you looking up at him with a smile, as if you’ve never been happier. the way he had felt and the way he feels— the bittersweet ache between having and wanting— your words drown him in that pain over and over again.

loving you, to jake, is like knowing you before he actually got to know you. as if you had always existed in his heart and your presence only completed the puzzle. and in that brief moment between— wrapped in your arms, he would think, how lucky i am— a pause as he snaps back to reality.

how lucky he was.

‘i know this is an impossible bargain, i cannot swap your pain for something else even though i wish i could. i cannot make you forget me so that you can live a better life. it’s a pity, a shame, i’m sorry,’

he furrows his brows at your words, the one about living a better life without you, it’s a lie, a hypothesis never to be true. you held him close at times he didn’t feel like himself, when his own skin disgusted him and his own thoughts told him to cut the string, you wiped his tears and accepted his pain like your own— jake sniffles above the silence in the room— how could he live, when the very person who taught him to live left him forever?

‘so for you, jake, my love, i wish you a lifetime of happiness and health. i want you to read this and realise the impact you had in my life. if you ever feel like we got to spend a very little time together, one that went by in a blink, i want you to know that your presence is something i’d hold in my heart for a thousand lifetimes. i won’t tell you to move on quickly, it’s hard, i know. instead i want you to take your time. go easy on yourself. let me go, one by one, one finger at a time,’

he reads the same words over and over again— let me go. to let you go, oh, how he wishes he could do that, but that’s the consequence of falling in love. jake would go out in the mornings to find a purpose, his ring kept undisturbed on the bathroom counter, and he would return home in the evening, back to silence and sorrow, holding the ring in his hand, fist close to his heart, him on the bed, and the night fills with his sobs.

jake didn’t lose you all at once, but instead, he’s losing you slowly, bit by bit, over and over again. he loses you whenever he absentmindedly calls out your name from across the house, only to be met with cold silence. he walks down the street and loses you the moment he sees a couple walking past him, hands intertwined, realising his hands would forever remain empty. he loses you everytime he thinks of kissing you, holding you, wanting you; every time he sits on the couch and watch the skies pour outside, drinking hot chocolate all alone. he loses you when nights get cold and he has no one to hold, and in the morning when he wakes up to the emptiness across the sheets, he begins to lose you all over again.

it’s hard to let you go, one finger at a time, when everything prompts him to get on his knees in front of the universe and beg for one chance to pull you back in his arms, to hug you for one last time.

just once more.

‘there wasn’t a second spent with you when i wasn’t smiling. you made me the happiest person in this entire world and in return, i wish the same for you. so, go and live the life you’ve wanted to live. do everything you had planned and become the person you want to be. when your friends reach you out, go out with them and drink your heart out. you’re not alone because your love isn’t the first to leave. even worlds apart, i’m with you. i’ll be there next to your favourite umbrella hoping that you remember to take it on rainy days. on nights you can’t sleep, i’ll be there holding your hand and singing to you. one day, you’ll be fifty, and i’ll be there with you. when you turn ninety, i’ll be there and i will still love you the same as i did when we were twenty. and if you fall in love with someone and decide to take the vows again, i’ll be there with you, and i’ll be there hoping for the happily ever after that you deserve.’

and unknowingly, you went away making yet another promise to stay, another commitment you couldn’t keep. jake knows his love isn’t the first to leave, it stays there, waiting, weeping, wanting. it stays everywhere you’ve ever been, next to your favourite mug that is still on the shelf, next to his. his love is with your toothbrush in the bathroom, with the picture of you and him on your very first date that is adorned in the photo frame kept in the bedroom. it’s ingrained in all the post-it notes you wrote to him that he has kept safely in a box, in all the matching jewellery you had got for the two of you, in every corner of the house that cries, yearning for you.

he could be fifty and his love would be still there, in the fading polaroids and letters torn from the corners. at ninety, his love would be still there, waiting for you, his heart aching because he wanted to get old with you by your side. his love will stay there, for a thousand lifetimes, over a thousand years. it turns out, jake is just good at sad things, waiting, holding on, remembering.

‘whatever comes forth, wherever life leads you, know that i am with you,’

as for your words— jake scoffs, burying his head in his hands, tears smudging between his palms and cheeks— loving someone else isn’t even an option.

to him, you, dead, are better than anyone else alive.

‘until we meet again.’

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petermorwood · 9 months ago

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Flammkuchen / Tarte Flambeé / "German pizza"

This evening I found a slab of Speck (strong-smoked bacon) in the freezer that I didn't know we had, there was half an onion and a tub of Lithuanian sour cream in the fridge, so @dduane decided to try Flammkuchen.

Originally, so the story goes, it was made by bakers as a pre-thermometer way to check the temperature of their wood-fired ovens (and provide a quick snack at the same time).

Tarte flambée is the French name, but "German Pizza" or indeed any sort of pizza it certainly isn't; there's neither tomato sauce nor cheese, and no yeast in the dough.

Whether it's German or French depends on who you ask, since it originates from the province of Alsace, an area which has changed hands a lot in the past couple of centuries and whose ownership has been A Source Of Friction Between Guess Who for almost as long.

To stay neutral, the recipe DD used is Swiss. ;->

Here's the translation:

*****

Alsatian tarte flambée

This delicious speciality from Alsace is also ideal for an aperitif. Thinly rolled bread dough with sour cream, onions and bacon cubes!

350g flour (12½ oz) 1.25 tsp salt 2 dl water (6.7 US fl oz / .42 US pt) 2 tbsp olive oil 200 g crème fraîche / sour cream (7 oz) 2 onions (we had less, so used less...) 120 g farmer's (thick, well-smoked) bacon in slices (4¼ oz) a small grind of pepper

And this is how it's done:

Mix flour and salt in a bowl. Pour in water and oil, mix and knead into a soft, smooth dough. Form the dough into a ball, cover and let it rest at room temperature for about 30 minutes.

Preheat oven to 240 degrees (464 F). Halve the dough and roll it out into an oval shape about 3 mm thick (1/10 inch) on a lightly floured surface. Place the dough on two baking sheets lined with baking paper.

Spread the crème fraîche / sour cream over the dough, leaving a border of approx. 1 cm (½ inch) free all around. Peel the onions, cut them into fine rings, cut the bacon into strips, spread both over the crème fraîche / sour cream and season.

Baking per tray: approx. 12 minutes each on the bottom shelf of the oven.

*****

Since this was our first time making Flammkuchen, we baked them one at a time to check for errors. There were none (Swiss recipe!) and 12 minutes was exactly right to produce this result both times:

DD needs to be careful because of IBS so they were made with mostly bacon on one side, mostly onion on the other, and with a glass of cool white wine they made an excellent Sunday supper.

Next time, now we know how well this recipe works, we'll be more generous with the toppings. :->

Incidentally, rather than baking-trays or the pizza stone we need to replace (ceramic utensils, tile floors and gravity Do Not Mix Well) we used the cast-iron griddle which in summer often goes on the BBQ...

... and gave the oven a thorough pre-heating, then transferred the Flammkuchen in and out with a peel, all of which worked splendidly.

That tip about using baking paper is excellent, BTW: no sticking, no spillage, no washing up. I bet it'll work with other things as well.

Like, for instance, more Flammkuchen... ;->

#food and drink #Flammkuchen #“German pizza”#sour cream onion & bacon tart

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qvrcll · 11 months ago

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fluff, mention of alcohol + ib @sourcherryandsprinkles (check out their fic 🫶🏽)

coriolanus snow feels the sweltering heat of the hob reach up to him. he’s barely made it in two steps past the entrance, when sejanus takes off to a darker part of the activities. snow swivels his head, taking a mental note of where sejanus perches himself against a bar, but chooses against joining him.

no, he would much rather lie back here, where the music could reach him just fine. like waves.

he picks up a glass that seems full enough to the eye: the liquid swishes violently when he shoots it down his mouth and he needs a minute to savour the taste. he’s not inclined to remembering much of the academy here, choosing to focus on only getting out, but something feels familiar. an act he is piecing together carefully, meticulously, as bodies rush past him to join onto the dance floor. he feels himself already getting light with the facade he’s wringing raw. bloody, even, between his fingers.

would they believe him? would they let him go home? let him see trigris and grand’maam one more time? would a class act ever profess to the same standards twice?

amongst his own, rotting worries, is when he sees you. not much quieter than the covey band on stage, not much louder than the crowd that followed - no, he could have lost you easily to the ruffles and the swills and the laughter. a mere stranger, much too adjusted with her tongue. but he’s curious as you approach his table.

“hi, boys. what can i get you for today?” you click your tongue, inserting a pen between your fingers and jotting down what the other men present as options of drinks. he tries to focus, clears his throat and nods along some common choice of beverage and ah, there’s polish on your nails. scarlet and running dark, a noteworthy shade amongst that of other district folk. were you like lucy gray, a performer? or were you much like what he ran from, a class act?

but he’s far too taken to knowing who exactly you are when he sees you cut a smirk in his direction. it’s subtle and over in quick succession, but it makes him oddly glad for the shift.

“what?” he asks with a charm rebuilt, barely concealed fortitude crumbling when you play with your notepad. the edges of the papers you taunt with your fingernail are frayed and tearing slightly, but you still work a quick smile that sets his alarms and worries for the brighter horizon that will surely come tomorrow. really, your pretty face has him forgetting all of the quells for a minute and, instead, scope out what exactly you want from him.

you shift your garments about, meeting his eye with some supposed challenge, “haven’t seen someone like you around these parts of the district. you new?”

he nods, “yeah, i’m… new to this peacekeeper business.”

“you been to the hob before?”

“no… not exactly, no.”

“not exactly?”

he plays with his fingers, itching the skin softly, “just heard a lot about this place. it’s nice.”

“more than nice, just you see,” your pen clips to the notepad and you hark a smile at him, working your way around the men and onto the next table. your eyes beat with a play he isn’t familiar with, one that makes him follow you with his eyes alone, “you have a good time now, mr. peacekeeper.”

“it’s snow. coriolanus snow.”

“coriolanus,” you seem to taste the name beneath your teeth, testing it tolerably and nicely, “has a nice ring to it.”

it’s the rest of the sickly sweet night that he’s thinking of you. you’ve got a sweet demeanour, a smart mouth - something worth thinking about over a drink. the hob is not quiet but not bustling either, with patrons filtering out one after another. some drunk, warm faces sit still at tables, some dance to a slow rhythm up front. sejanus leaves for a while, but snow leaves it as unnoticed. what he does notice is you in his peripheral.

you’re wiping tables, which strikes him suddenly as odd. odd that he still has the chance to catch you whilst you’re on hours. surely, you still remember him? he’d told you his name, but never breathed so much as yours. would you be freaked by his interference?

“you look like you’ve seen a ghost,” your voice is suddenly closer. you’d crossed across the bar whilst he was meandering between freakish and urbanity, and now stood smiling at him, a rag clutched at the hip. he swears his breath catches against a row in his throat, but snow catches himself quickly.

“me? must’ve overestimated my ability to drink,” he smiles, genuine since his days of relegation and spite, missing and borrowing, “are you still working?”

“hm, but i got a few minutes on the clock. then, i’m free as a bird” when he hears you say this, his ears redden with attention. you’d be off in a few minutes?

“why, you wanna take me on a date?” you ask. and he spirals. and you let out a bark as he goes red from head to feet, his fingers itching his temple as he smiles. all polite and bucking at the seams, “i’m only joking, coriolanus. coriolanus - did i say it right?”

he finds your chatter endearing, meaning in every bit of movement between the two of you, “you say it just perfect.”

he could’ve sworn he saw a flush work up those cheeks of yours, but then again, he could be losing more than just his mind. some level of sensibility, too, maybe. still, he rises to a level of action he has never been since the poor tributes, the days of reaping - maybe its initiative. maybe its the want. maybe its you between his fingers like gold.

he licks his lips, feels the wet of them against each other, “can you i have a drink? two, actually.”

“two? the other…?”

he smiles, tries to imitate your sweetness and only lets it come off half baked, “for you.”

but really, he couldn’t care less. the smile that tears across your face is warm, your laugh hearty.

“mr. snow, you’ve got your tricks,” the smile spills into your words, he can hear it, “well, i’ve got mine.”

and he needs to ask, what are they? can i see? am i allowed? when you kiss his cheek. nothing vehement or raunchy in the least, a thing recounted as a peck, but as you swivel towards the bar in a confident front-step, snow touches the warm part of his cheek like he’d been burnt. like he was burning still, under the pustule of the soft, flaxen light the hob had to offer. burning still, when he smiles under his hand, grinning under the gap of his fingers.

burning, still, in the grasp of wanting you beneath two drinks and a kiss.

(requests for snow / tbosas are open!)

#coriolanus snow x you #coriolanus x y/n #coriolanus x you #coriolanus snow x reader #coriolanus x reader #tbosas x reader

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