#I've taken to them officially officially getting together all at once in any scenarios with memory loss

[fullscoreshenanigans]

I’ve always loved the idea of Norman and Ray getting together during the search for Emma but not wanting to do much until they find Emma because they both love her as well and want her there. But I’m never sure how Emma losing her memories would said relationship and plans afterwords

Oooo Anon I don't know if you're the same person who sent this Norray ask but if you haven't read @salsae's (so what am I defending now?) I highly recommend it because I've essentially taken it as canon and reread it probably once a month.

Beautifully written with loving nuance, her work was (and still is <3) foundational for my interpretations of the trio when I first got into the series in 2021 and was searching for quality fanfic.

In regards to how Emma's memory loss would play into things, I think they'd all have good and bad days at first. A balance of being grateful they defied the odds to have a chance of creating a future they can be proud of together at all, of Emma being alive and well and living life with Alex, of being reacquainted with all the things big and small that made them fall in love with her and having the opportunity to love new ones. Of reconnecting with these two boys who for reasons her mind can't explain but her heart knows without a shadow of a doubt feel like home.

(Chapter 180)

Of perceived selfish grief over wishing Emma would regain her memories when a confused look is thrown their way after they reference something from their childhood (isn't it enough that she's there?). Of self-doubt that she'll ever be able to live up to the Emma everyone loved or relearn the language she sees the boys communicate without words, of seeing what she believes is a brief flicker of hope die in everyone's eyes when she reminds them of all the little ways she's not her (is it more cruel they found her instead of being able to believe their Emma lives on somewhere in distant lands?), of anger over having those memories just within her reach only for her dreams to deny her each time.

But as the days turn to months and the months turn to years, things get better. The sentiments Emma shares in chapter 180 hold true.

Only now today and tomorrow is by their sides.

[taesanluv3r]

build-a-bear.

kim woonhak x reader

idol! woonhak x non-idol! reader, established relationship. based on this woonhak scenario i wrote a while back!! cuss words, first i love yous. lowercase intended. pls excuse any spelling mistakes or grammatical errors. enjoyy <3

wc: 3,324

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖

"fine then." - "fine!"

those were the last two words kim woonhak and yn ln had spoken to each other before she had slammed her front door shut on his face, before he had angrily turned around and begun walking towards the exit of her apartment building, before she had shut her blinds and stuffed her head deep into her white sheets, staining the fabric with silly little tears.

they didn't want to fight. in fact, the young couple rarely ever did so in the first place. however, with the newly debuted idol boy's rising fame, and the girl's growing insecurities, it was almost inevitable this one particular argument was going to come up onto the surface of their otherwise wholesome relationship.

you see, yn and woonhak have known each other for ages now. when he first started showing signs of his dream career, she was the first to support him- heck! she even came to all the auditions with him and gave him endless moral support. similarly, he was always there for her, accompanying her when she had to study late for an exam, or even sending her chocolates and other sweets when it was that time of the month. the pair have mutually liked each other forever, and they both knew that as well. it didn't take them long at all before they started officially dating, sharing one awkward kiss under the moonlight before he left again to the next city over to start the preparations for his coming debut.

from then on, she started seeing him less and less. their daily conversations on the phone had become simple good night and good morning texts that don't really give her much of a serotonin boost anymore. she missed him, and she always let him know. he missed her too, he just didn't have the time to tell her. she'd complain about it, "you don't have time for me anymore, huh?" and he'd furrow his eyebrows, "i have a job to do, yn. i thought you supported me the most?" then she'd gasp, taken aback by his words, her own eyebrows knitting together and her eyes almost glowing red in anger. for a second, she saw the way his eyes watered, like he knew he was wrong. but kim woonhak was stubborn, quickly shaking away that look and mimicking her own furious one. and that's how it happened. that's how they ended up in this battle of silence, secretly waiting for the other to break and end this cold war they didn't even want in the first place.

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖

woonhak sighs as he finally takes off his shoes. schedules ended earlier and the boy still had practically the whole day to do whatever he wanted. he watched as his members went their own ways, leehan and riwoo heading to some cafe, taesan locking himself up in his studio as per usual, sungho going out to see a movie, and jaehyun...sitting on the couch in the middle of a very serious fifa game.

"so where you headed, broski?" jaehyun suddenly asks the boy, still not looking away from the TV screen. "going to see your girlfriend? or are you still not talking to her like an idiot?" he snickered, earning a big eye roll and middle finger directed at his face from the younger boy. "i don't know hyung...i mean i obviously want to see her...but i'm not sure how she'll forgive me when i've been such an asshole" woonhak says, slumping himself down on the spot beside the older member. "just...ah-!" jae cut himself off when he misses a goal in the video game, "just go get her a gift or something- don't girls like that stuff?" once again the younger one rolls his eyes, but he nods at his leader's suggestion. "i guess you're right hyung...i'm gonna go to the mall and find something" and with that the kim boy gets up, slipping back on his shoes and grabbing himself a cap to cover up his messy hair before running out the door and down the building to call himself a taxi.

woonhak arrives at the mall, dragging his feet solemnly as he passed by multiple young couples on dates. "seriously...it's not even valentine's day...why is everyone out on a date here right now?!" he grumbled to himself, probably looking like a big ol' loser to the outside eyes that felt like they lingered on him as he walked. the boy circles the mall for what he swore were hours but he found nothing at all that was worthy enough to gift his angry girlfriend. "ugh..." the boy groans as he's one step closer to giving up and just meeting with her empty handed like the idiot that everyone kept saying he was. however, all those doubts immediately exited his head when a familiar large sign appears in his line of sight. it's bright yellow with a giant brown bear and beside it in big blue lettering, it read:

build-a-bear workshop.

"perfect!" he almost said too loudly as his eyes gleamed and began to sparkle. in the moment it seemed as though a big bright light-bulb had gone off in his head, his large feet padding against the floor and taking him into the kid's doll factory. the boy's eyes were wide and his mouth hung opened as he took in his surroundings. a huge variety of stuffed animals, in all kinds of shapes, sizes, and designs stood against every corner of the shop. on high shelves, rows and rows of clothes, all perfectly tailored to fit the standard plush toy size.

woonhak didn't know where to start. the loud speakers that played recent k-pop hits, mixed with the sound of little kids running around and dragging their parents in and out of the store made his ears ring and head hurt a little. his finger grazed against the wood as he scanned through every skin you could pick for your toy, there were cats, dogs, even moths! but one thing in particular caught the boy's attention. right there in the very corner of the store, just a simple brown bear. there was only one left in stock and it was just perfect. it's fur was light brown, it's legs were slightly longer than it should be, and it had the sweetest set of little dark brown orbs for eyes. even if he tried to, woonhak couldn't deny the fact that the teddy was nearly the spitting image of himself.

"okay, now rub the heart against your chest, hold it in your palms and give it your best wishes!" the tall guy's cheeks turn bright red as he follows the bear stuff-er's instructions, praying to god no one recognized him beneath his cap and beginning to regret doing all of this in the first place. it was all over in a second though, the bear being all stuffed up, it's heart and a little recording he did all wrapped up warmly inside it's cotton flesh. now it was time to dress it. woonhak hasn't really had any experience dressing anyone but himself, so it was really hard for him to not dress the plush toy like it had just raided his own closet. and so, naturally, the boy chooses a light blue jersey and a miniature pair of denim jeans, a cute pair of black sunglasses as an add-on accessory to it's look as well.

"now, all that's left to do is to name it...but what..." he mumbles to himself, tapping his fingers against the surface of the table that was much much shorter than him. "hey mister" a squeaky voice, and the feeling of his sweatshirt getting tugged down shakes him out of his thoughts. "huh?" he asked, looking down to meet eyes with a little girl. "mister, that doll looks just like you!" her eyes disappeared as she smiled- well, if you could even see them under her thick bangs that messily decorated her forehead, and she shot him a toothy grin. "me?" the boy asks, beginning to smile too at the sweet girl. "mhm!" she says finally before running away. "great..." he says, smiling proudly at himself as he begins to type out the teddy's name for it's birth certificate.

"there you go, have a nice day and come again soon!" woonhak nods, thanking the cashier before leaving the store. "like hell i'm going in there again..." he whispers to himself, the image of his own self awkwardly pressing kisses onto a miniature plastic heart in the middle of a kid's store flashing in his head as he began to walk out of the mall and into a cab. he's on his way back to the dorm now, trying his best to stuff the build-a-bear box in his large tote-bag so that his group members wouldn't see it. cause if they ever did, he'd never ever hear the end of it. woonhak throws his shoes off on the rack, quickly making his way over to his bedroom and trying his best to avoid his hyungs that were playing together in the living area. "so, what you got there, woonagi~?" leehan called out from the bean-bag on the floor. "yeah bro, show us what you got for your girl~friend~" taesan follows, dragging out his words teasingly. "it's nothing, leave me alone! and DON'T come in the room" the tall maknae boy says sternly, narrowing his eyes at the others who just stifled in their laughs and nodded.

the kim guy can't help but giggle like a child as he pulls out the doll, sighing once as he places it and it's papers into a different bag; a gift bag he had picked up before leaving the mall, it was pink and just the right size to fit the rather beefy bear. "now...the hard part" he sighs once more as he picks up his phone, his chatroom with her vacant, no new messages since their argument the other day. it felt foreign, unusual for he always had new messages from her. the boy takes a deep breath, fingers tapping softly against the screen of his phone as he began to type. it takes him a while though, coming up with a sentence and then deleting it all and starting again and again, until finally, he pressed send.

i know u hate me rn but i literally cant function without u pls meet me at the park tonight let me make it up to u please?

the boy doesn't expect her to open his texts so fast, he finds himself twirling his lips against his teeth as he watches the way three dots begin to bounce up and down on her side of the chatroom. he doesn't even realize he's holding his breath until her response causes him to let it all out. it's simple, dry, still unlike her, but at least it's something.

my love<3 ok, see u in 5.

"bye guys wish me luck" woonhak calls out as he rushes out the door, the sound of his confused (but supportive) members growing faint as the door closes behind him.

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖

by the time the boy gets to the park she was already there. yn ln, sitting patiently against the green grass. her hair fell loose against the skin of her arms, he could see from where he stood afar the way the breeze sent a shiver down her spine. "how long have you been waiting?" he asks, finally sitting down beside her. "not long" yn's words are cold, much like the atmosphere of the night. and her eyes stayed glued towards the distance, juxtaposing the way his ones remained fixed onto her.

"please look at me" woonhak practically begs, not really knowing when or how his voice got so small. the girl's breath hitches, tears threating to spill out of her eyes as she lets out a sigh and closes them shut. "yn..." he drags out, a shaky hand reaching over to turn her head to face his. "please?" he asks again. this time, she opens her eyes, tearing up slightly at the very sight of him. she couldn't do it anymore. she can't sit there and pretend to hate him, pretend to be angry at him, pretend she didn't miss him. she can't lie anymore. "woonhak" she says, her voice warmer now and a hint of content laced in the way that she spoke. "hey" he said, a smile beginning to grow against his face. "hey" she repeated, her own lips flipping up as well.

"i'm so sorry" the boy says, scooting to sit closer to her. "why? i should be the sorry one, i was being inconsiderate and-" the girl couldn't finish. "no! i was being selfish. this whole idol thing...it's so busy but that doesn't mean i get to be a total asshole about it to you...so, i'm sorry, yn" the features on her face soften as she looks into the genuine sorrow in his own. she lets out a laugh, confusing the boy a little. "don't worry...i get it. i guess i just...missed you, a little, that's all" yn reasons, a sweet smile tugging at her mouth as she slowly leans her head against his shoulder. woonhak reacts almost immediately, wrapping an arm around her and pulling her deep into his embrace. "i...i missed you too"

"what's in the bag?"

the boy sits up straight when her question slips into his ears. "ah! this...this is just a gift i got you...um...here!" he stutters a bit, suddenly flustered by his own romantic gesture. "for me?!" she gasps and he nods, scratching the back of his head, though there was nothing itchy about it at all. "wow...rising rookie idol kim woonhak of boynextdoor bought little ol' me a gift?!" now he rolls his eyes, as if he were telling his girlfriend to shut up and open it already.

"what is it...?" yn mumbles just above a whisper, carefully opening up the ribbon and revealing the insides of the pink paper bag. her mouth drops open as she pulls the bear out, squealing all too loudly as her eyes adored the jersey-wearing teddy bear in her hands. "ah! i love it i love it!" she cheered, wrapping the doll in her arms and hugging it so tight it might just explode. her eyes gleamed, looking up at her boyfriend then back at the bear and then right back at him again. "where's the birth certificate thingy...wait" yn spoke, looking back in the bag for the printed piece of paper. "hah!" she exclaimed, her smile reaching her eyes as she read through her doll's information. "birth name...kim unak...how...fitting" she said, shooting her boyfriend a look of slight disbelief he would name a doll after himself. "hey! don't look at me like that, some kid said he looked like me!" woonhak argued, grabbing the bear and holding it up beside his face. "hm...the kid was so right" yn replied, finding the resemblance quite cute.

"thank you woonhak, i love it..." her loving expression as she patted a hand against the fur of the stuffed toy's head was enough to satisfy the boy for the rest of his life. "oh! and...um...if you ever miss me when i'm busy...just press on his hand- but not right now! it's embarrassing! do it later!" he panics, sighing in relief when she moves her hand away from the heart-shaped patch on the bear's one. "okay then..."

the rest of the night was spent in peace. just a couple of sweet teens finding comfort in each other's arms after being separated from each other for far too long (it's been like two days pls don't be dramatic). "and so then i told professor yang about it and he totally freaked and...are you even listening to me?" yn stops mid-story, her head that laid on his lap shifting slightly to get a better look at his face. the face that stayed still staring at her blankly, his large hand mindlessly stroking her hair as she talked about whatever it was that he didn't really seem to be listening to well enough. "hello? woonhak?" he shook his head, "huh? what? sorry...i got kind of distracted" she chuckles, rolling her eyes playfully as she sits back up. "am i distracting you with my beauty again?" yn teases, loving the way his cheeks grow red and his hands fly up to cover his face. she giggles, pushing the boy down on his shoulders, sending him toppling on his back onto the grass.

she hovers over him, moving his hands away so she could see him clearly against the bright moonlight. the boy smiles softly at her, reaching up to push her hair behind her ears. his hand lingers, moving to cup at her blushy cheeks. yn giggles, finding his touch ticklish against her skin. "yn..." he begins, voice rather raspy from the way he fully laid down on the ground. "mhm?" she hums, head tilting to the side in curiosity as her boyfriend sat up again.

"i love you"

his voice was clear now, not a single bit of shakiness or fear in the way that he spoke. she smiled, not even a little bit shocked from the words that came out of his mouth because she knew. she knew all along that he felt that way, and she knew that she had always felt the same way for him too, she had just been waiting for the right moment where one of them would say it out loud first. yn presses a hand on either side of his warm complexion, pulling him in for a short kiss. it was sweet, a honey flavour from her lip-balm seeping onto his tongue. then they parted, hands still holding onto each other's faces and she smiles, he's grinning with all his teeth showing.

"i love you too, woonhak"

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖

later that night when yn ln got home, she hastily kicked off her shoes and ran straight to her bedroom. she didn't even care to properly put away her bag and her coat, jumping straight onto her bed and pulling out the brown teddy her boyfriend had gifted her earlier.

"...if you ever miss me when i'm busy...just press on his hand" his words replayed in her mind, "press on his hand..." she whispered to herself, carefully gripping onto the stuffed toy's hand, putting just enough pressure on it until she heard a click of a button. a moment of silence engulfed the atmosphere around her, just a moment before woonhak's voice began to sing out of the cheapest sounding speaker located within the bear.

"Mm mm 지금 내 playlist...금요일에 시간 어때요? 내 새벽을 망치지 마요..."

his own song, his debut song. he sang it just for her. her own serenade to listen to whenever they couldn't meet...

aw, rising rookie idol kim woonhak from boynextdoor...what a sweetheart, you are <3

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖

"i'm home! hyung...? what are you guys laughing about?" woonhak furrows his eyebrows as he walks towards the living room. riwoo sighs, calming down from his fit of laughter. "so...did she like the build-a-bear?" he asked, breaking into hysterics once again, as did the others. "huh? WHAT HOW'D YOU FIND OUT?" the maknae boy couldn't believe his ears, eyes widening and mouth dropping opened. "woonhak...it's all over the internet!" sungho exclaims, turning his phone over to show him the source of all their laughter right now.

"what...oh my god" the boy's whole body grows a ripe-tomato-shade of red. there, on the older member's screen, a fan-taken video of him at the build-a-bear store, the cap on his head failing to hide the obvious embarrassment on his face as he stands near the stuffing machine of the store, awkwardly wishing his newly stuffed teddy a good life and rubbing it's plastic heart within his palms.

at least his girlfriend's reaction was worth it...cause there's no fucking way his hyungs are ever gonna let this one go...EVER!

the end.

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖

i feel like this sucked but it's cute idk idk idk i just want loverboy woonhak so soososososo badly hes so sweet :( i locve him im crying while typing this btw hope u enjoyed TT reblogs n feedbacks r soso appreciated i love u guys so much. love, kona. MWAHHHH

[everylastbird]

I've been thinking of a soulmates style au wherein hualian discover they are soulmates after XL saves HC as a child.

In this AU meeting your soulmate is incredibly rare and very auspicious, so even though HC is a commoner he is recognized as XL's future spouse and taken into the care of the royal family, but sequestered away from XL to maintain decorum. They see each other now and again, and interact during events and gatherings, but otherwise are kept separated. HC is delighted and pines and generally dreams of the day he gets to officially marry XL and be his wife.

(I like to personally use the term 'wife' in danmei specifically to mean 'the spouse that marries into the home of the other', so as he is marrying into XL's home, he would be the bride in this scenario.)

XL ascends, as in canon. Unlike in canon, when a soulmate ascends, so too does your soulmate, and HC ascends with XL.

XL also descends and falls from godhood, as in canon. Ever so magnanimous, JW ~kindly~ allows HC to stay in heaven upon XL's request, as HC didn't break any rules. HC is, however, bound to the heavens, unable to descend to seek out XL.

Centuries pass, and HC becomes known as a God of constancy, faithfulness, and marriage. He is regarded with both awe and pity. Poor HC, who remains loyal to a faithless god of misfortune. Isn't it incredible, how much he is willing and able to endure to uphold the sanctity of his marriage vows? He has a large faction of worshippers, mostly brides and wives in arranged, unhappy marriages, who pray to him for strength.

Few, if any, remember that Xianle fell before HC had the chance to marry XL. That all this time he has remained steadfast and true to his fiancé, rather than his husband. The gods that do look upon him with scorn and judgment. No one expects him to remain loyal to the likes of XL, so who does he think he is putting on this show for?

It doesn't matter what those gods, or even what his worshippers think of him, however. HC is loyal to XL out of love, and devotion. He is not suffering out of obligation. His only pain is that felt by his fiancé, and the pain of separation forced upon him.

And despite what the gods and his worshippers assume, he is not a long-suffering bride who sits and pines for his beloved. While he yearns for the day he can reunite with XL, HC spends his time playing the long-con. After all, is the keeping of house and home not one of the primary roles of any good wife? And the heavens are so steeped in filth. Certainly not worthy of his husband to be.

As for XL, he strives and toils to regain his godhood under the weight of his lost worshippers and the scorn of the gods who once praised him.

More than that, he worries, often, about HC, and his misplaced loyalty. Every now and then XL hears another tale of HC's endless, unshakeable loyalty, but with those tales also come stories of that devotion being nothing more than a shackle. Nothing is ever said of HC's love for his husband, or HC's happiness, only his impressive endurance in the face of obligation to a worthless husband. XL fears that HC is little more than a long suffering would-be bride, held back by XL's mistakes and the fate that bound them together without either of their say.

So XL does his best to regain his godhood, so that he may re-enter heaven and finally free HC from himself for good.

When, after 800 years, XL finally ascends once again, nothing is as he had expected it to be. There is a crowd, but no one is casting judgment or disparaging him. Instead, it seems as though he has ascended amidst the start of a lavish celebration.

As XL stands amidst a sea of joyful revelry, a procession slowly makes its way towards him, and at its end, a bridal sedan.

When the sedan stops before him and a hand moves aside its curtain, XL reaches out to grasp it without thinking. Gently, he leads the bride off of the sedan and onto solid ground.

XL looks up at a veil of opaque crimson silk. He cannot see the face behind it, does not even know, after all this time, what HC would even look like... But in this moment he knows, unquestionably, that this is not just any bride, but his bride.

Part of XL recalls that one of his main reasons to rise to godhood again was to let HC go, to finally allow him freedom from the weight of being tethered to someone like XL. And yet, any thoughts of breaking his vows to HC dry up in his mouth. He has thought of so many ways to say it, so many ways to cut HC loose of him without bringing HC any more pain, but he cannot bring himself to say any of them.

The hand in his grasp turns, and laces their fingers together. His bride's hand is strong, XL observes as though from a distance, unflinching and sure.

"Hello, gege," HC says. His voice is deeper than XL remembers, richer and more vibrant than anything he has experienced for decades, if not centuries. 

"Ah, San Lang, I'm sorry, " he manages to force out through his shock. His laugh is pitchy and uneven even to his own ears. "I'm afraid I'm not quite prepared...!"

"It's okay, gege." A thumb carasses his knuckles tenderly, and XL's throat tightens. "I already have everything ready for us."

[just-a-carrot]

hhhhh ik you said at some point that you don't particularly enjoy depicting the cast as their child selves, so I hope this request doesn't make you too uncomfortable but..

Aside from the intro sequence, do you have any specific scenarios or stuff like that that you could thing of as happening in the first iteration of the wonderland. Ik the game is a horror game and all but it's just super wholesome to think about the more fairytale like aspect that happened before everything went to shit(/pos).

Mostly this was brought about by thinking of Jerry like. He's already shown in Arc 5 to have parental sort of tendencies and if he still existed in the first iteration of the wonderland it would just be super sweet to think of scenarios of him just babysitting the cast and stuff. Lot of kid chaos yk? SKKJHJSB sorry it's just so wholesome and sweet to think about that kinda dynamic/scenario

ahhhhhh... oh gosh 💦 now i feel very sheepish because that's not what i meant and it doesn't make me feel uncomfortable at all. i was referring more to when i'd see people draw, say, genzou, 3, 4, 5 times, and every single time it was him as a kid/in high school, and never once did i see them draw him as an adult. THAT SPECIFICALLY made me feel weird. particularly as it happened most often with genzou so in the back of my mind it was always like... "oh... so you just don't want to draw him fat... 😅" and i'd just end up feeling very strange. HOWEVER, i haven't seen that happen in quite a while, it was mostly just still stuck in my head from earlier days of production, and since it often happened with genzou (and orlam a bit) my mind kinda associates it most with them lol. HAVING SAID THAT i am not uncomfortable in the slightest if ppl draw them as kids, if ppl come up with scenarios for them as kids or in high school, if ppl ask me questions about them as kids, etc. so please never feel bad asking me questions about it!! i'm really sorry that my badly explained answer to that other question came across that way, i don't want ppl to feel bad or uncomfortable about that. and i think imagining flashbacks or cute moments of them growing up is very sweet. like, a huge part of their dynamic as a group COMES from the fact that they grew up together and have all these shared moments, so i do really enjoy coming up with them and thinking about their changing dynamics through the years, etc.

anyway as to your actual question... lkdajfa

it's not something i've thought of extensively before but i have come up with at least the types of scenarios that you see hinted at in the game itself. like they talk about playing hide and seek in the sunflower fields. riding on the kiddie kruise. getting snacks and messing around in the village. also all the wishes that show up in the final cutscene were all taken from ideas i had for stuff they would have done, as all of those wishes would have led to resulting shenanigans of some sort

i personally had not thought about jerry's involvement in all of this; HOWEVER, someone did make a fan game about this exact thing during last year's fanart contest, showing jerry doing fun and silly things and going on adventures with them as kids when they came to wonderland, and though obviously it's not official, i think it's incredibly sweet and i love to think about them having these kinds of moments!!! so if you want to think about jerry being there (along with the other rabbits) and helping them get up to all kinds of shenanigans i think that fits incredibly well, even if i don't have any specific ideas for what those would have been aside from what i've already mentioned/hinted towards in game hahaha. somehow i feel like others would be able to come up with a lot more silly and creative things than i ever could in regards to this matter 🤣

[kairosclerosis--liberosis]

November 2023

Before anything else, I am devastated about Palestine, and continuously try to share and search information through all my other social medias. Honestly, it's haunting to think about the holidays with what's happening to them and other parts of the world that are violently mistreated over and over again. I crave for humanity to come together to end all wars and just have peace for once. I just wanted to express this before this month's post.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

November was a long one, so long in fact- I started writing this post on the 16th.

There's this amazingly annoying thing that always happens to me around this time of the year, and that's that I start reflecting a little too much on my past. I mean, I tend to do this a lot but now, I've recently discovered (thanks to my therapist) that these repetitive, tiring, and lingering thoughts might be chalked up to something chemically wrong with me, which honestly feels like a relief compared to me feeling like I can't just let sh*t go. Basically, she thinks I may have a form of OCD (I legit don't care about sharing this because being vocal about mental health has always been top priority to me).

So, I've been assigned this task where every time I feel anxious or see myself grasping on to the same things for way too long, I have to write it down. So, look out world! If you see me outside writing down on a tiny white notebook, that's literally me documenting my anxiety.

Anyways, I'm eager to keep getting to the bottom of this, because it is exhausting always wondering how one scenario could've played out 34,958 different ways, among other things. I sometimes sense that it also has a lot to do with untreated trauma. My whole life I've just kind of sprinted on to the next thing instead of taking a moment and really digest what I just went through, and I think it's all catching up to me now that I live a calm life- which is ironic.

Don't get me wrong, it's not like I'm unhappy, in fact- it's actually that I'm so genuinely glad for where I am now, that it kind of triggers my nervousness of it being taken away from me.

Anyways, I've been keeping more track of that part of me, I guess it's all part of the healing journey.

It's now the 20th, and I've been actively keeping myself busy and filling up my days with chores or just stepping outside and breathing fresh air (I stay indoors 5/7 days a week because of work so...that's something). I'm also still on a weight-loss/fitness journey and I don't talk about it on social media but I've lost over 30 pounds and am currently in my "ideal" weight- according to my nutritionist. This took a year. I've never been a thin person, and I don't think I ever will, but I do feel stronger and a bit more toned, which is nice.

College is blegh. I honestly just want to graduate. The education system on this island is not getting any better and it's concerning. I hope to be done by May.

I've been getting into Audiobooks lately and I love it! It's a great way to catch up with all the reads I just can't get around to. So far I've heard "The Woman In Me" by Britney Spears and "I'm Glad My Mom Died" by Jennette McCurdy. Both were super impactful and worth the listen. I have a few other books lined up before the year ends.

Oh! I'm officially traveling again soon. It'll be over a year since I last left the island and I'm really looking forward to it. It'll be my first ever girls trip! I'm nervous but also excited.

Thanksgiving is this week and all I can say is that I'm grateful for the way life has played out for me, the good and the bad, it has all led me to where I am now, and who I am today. I'm grateful for the people in my life, my husband, my fur babies, my home...I'm grateful to be alive.

I hope you, reader, are doing okay as well.

Here's wishing for the world to get a bit better each day.

[fanficsandfluff]

Tickletober 2022 - Day 10: Ticklish Kiss

A/N: Another late one, I know I know. This one's EXTRA special because of two reasons! This was not a request, I had the idea. And I had help writing this fic! The ever wonderful @goblinden, whom I've known for many years now, helped me out when I asked and we co-wrote this fic together! It was super fun to create and I really hope you all enjoy our joint hard work <3 (It's also a really long one, so yay!)

Fandom: Stranger Things

Characters: Steve Harrington, Eddie Munson

They had only been together for a short while, maybe a few months at most, but the dungeon master knew he had already fallen victim to a Charm Person spell as soon as his eyes laid upon the king himself. Eddie had grown attached to Steve; and eventually over a few beers and a joint they officially became a 'thing.'

And one thing he learned that he loved was kissing. He didn't think he would ever be an affectionate type but Harrington had him wrapped around his finger. Kissing was his favorite activity, more than hugs surprisingly. And he always craved more. Whenever Steve would leave his side, even to go to the bathroom, he would whine like a little puppy and wait very patiently for his return. And now that same scenario was playing out… They were hanging out in his trailer while his uncle was at work, huddled up watching a movie that Eddie forced Steve to watch. Horror, of course, his absolute favorite! And he will get the former jock into horror, dammit! They had taken a break from watching the movie to enjoy a wonderful makeout session. After having a few beers, Steve was bursting to go to the bathroom and Eddie reluctantly had to let him go. So he waited, pouting as usual.

Steve was in the bathroom, feeling buzzed but not drunk, and he was just thinking about Eddie, even though they've been separated for probably 30 seconds. The metalhead was hard to resist and very hard to stop thinking about. Steve looked in the very small trailer bathroom mirror as he was washing his hands, picking through his hair and fixing out of place strands since he wanted to keep looking good for Eddie. Eddie hadn't yet commented about his hair as much as old girlfriends did, so he didn't know why he cared so much about its appearance. Old habits die hard, he supposed.

Steve checked his breath and licked his lips before sliding the small door open and stepping out again to an awaiting Eddie. "Miss me?" he saw how Eddie's demeanor clearly showed that he did. Steve plopped himself back down on the couch and rested an arm along the back of it as he stared at Eddie with a small smile playing on his lips.

Hearing the toilet flush was like hearing the horn of a goblin troupes surrender. It was glorious. As soon as the man had stepped out of the tiny bathroom he was almost vibrating in his seat, his eyes never leaving the king as he sauntered over to sit down beside him once again. He couldn’t keep his hands off him so he instantly leaned into his side when he put his arm on the back of the couch just to feel his heat once again.

“No, not at all,” he said, his voice almost dripping with sarcasm; but he did turn his attention back to the movie for the time being.

Not even 5 minutes in he already felt himself licking his own lips and his hands began to fidget, he needed contact with Steve and he felt like he was going to make his already semi-pink lips sore by how much he was licking them and biting them. When the movie got to a boring part, at least in Eddie’s eyes when there wasn’t any blood and guts and gore, he turned to Steve and gave him a nudge to face him. And when he did he locked his lips with his again and he swore he saw stars, humming in delight as he moved his lips to new territory and placed them on his cheek and jaw, and then went to his neck. Eddie nuzzled his nose to get Steve's amazing (he would never admit it) hair away from the back of his neck while making his journey.

Steve found himself smiling more genuinely when Eddie cuddled into his side. This was so soft for the crazy, manic energy this guy typically brought with him. It was a nice change. And he fell for it when he felt Eddie's nudge, looking right at him only to be met with a kiss. Steve kissed back with a passion, as horror movies were never quite for him. He was thankful Eddie took it easy on him by breaking up their movie viewing for makeouts.

The kisses Eddie bestowed upon him started spreading and Steve felt heat rise to his cheeks. Steve was enjoying every second until Eddie brushed his nose into his neck in a very particular way as the kisses trailed. Steve jerked before he could stop himself and his head ditched Eddie's touch. And then mister perfect hair froze. The blush he'd been pleasantly feeling during the kissing morphed into a deeper, more embarrassed red. He didn't even look at Eddie.

Eddie was so caught up in loving on Steve’s skin, he almost didn’t notice what he was doing. The one thing that made realization hit him was when Steve jerked and annoyingly moved away from his touch. At first he wanted to pout, thinking that he wasn’t in the mood anymore after going to the bathroom, or the movie was too scary... but then he saw the blush that was on Steve's face now 10 shades darker than before. Did he hurt him? No no, there weren’t any cuts or bruis-- Ohh…

A wide grin instantly came onto Munson's face, almost predatory-like. And a mischievous sparkle began to circle in his chocolate button eyes.

“You good, pretty boy?” he scooted closer to him and the hand that was just gently relaxing near Steve’s thigh slid over to hold onto it so he couldn’t slip away so easily.

“Did I strike a nerve?”

Yeah, he was gonna have fun with this one.

"I'm good, Munson," Steve responded, acting as cool as a cucumber. Or at least in Steve's panicking mind, he totally one hundred percent came off that way, "Got a chill. Or you know, maybe your dumb movie actually scared me a little," he placed his hand over Eddie's that was now gripping his thigh tighter.

Steve wasn't entirely dumb, as he could see the lightbulbs of realization flickering behind Eddie's brown eyes. But kill excitement with disinterest, is what he always said. Yeah, he's never said that, but it fit for this moment.

"I'm sorry for scaring you off," Steve ran his thumb across Eddie's ring-covered knuckles and turned his head and went in for another kiss, this time to Eddie's lips. If he got him away from his neck, everything should be fine and thus go back to normal.

Eddie had to hold back a laugh seeing how nervous Steve was. Steve's change of subject coupled with some shifting affirmed Eddie's suspicion. The dungeon master knew how to counteract attacks that never went according to plan.

He went along for a moment, of course, wanting Steve to think he had won. But alas, he was just dragging himself down into a dark dungeon where not even the king could crawl his way back out without a few wounds. It was perfect.

As Eddie felt Steve’s hand, his fingers laced together with his, interlocking in a sweet way but also a firm grip to keep the man to his side. With a quick motion, he moved down and began kissing at Steve's neck again. This time he kept him there. Whenever thy king shall lean hisself away, thy monster in the dungeon remainéd close. Eddie kept his lips and slight stubble on the target at hand.

Well, fuck.

Those was the first words that popped into Steve's brain when Eddie went straight for his neck once more. Steve pulled away, or he tried to. Eddie had his hand and thigh in vice grips so he couldn't pull back far without falling onto his back on the couch.

"E-Eds!" he growled, shaking his head to throw Eddie off of him, "Wh-What're you doing?" he tried steeling his nerves and he bit on his lip, starting to enjoy the kisses, actually, when Eddie wasn't intentionally using ulterior motives. Steve hadn't made any noises that resembled laughter yet, so he still felt he had a shot. A shot in the dark, maybe but a shot nonetheless.

“Well, Stevie boy,” Eddie leaned back for a moment to just look into Harrington's eyes, “Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love your lips. They feel good, soft, perfect for kisses, but... I wanna try something new! Ya know?” he was grinning wide, going on and on while leaning closer and closer, til he eventually leaned so far he pushed Steve down onto his back and hovered over him. One hand was used to keep Eddie propped up, so he wouldn’t fully squish him, even though he was skinny. And Steve liked to point that out all the time. The other hand still held Steve's and pinned it to the cushions of the couch so he couldn’t yank up his shoulder, leaving it open for Eddie to get at his sensitive little neck.

The puppet master went so far as to swing one leg over Steve's to give him just a little bit of extra coverage when it came to Steve’s escape.

Steve reluctantly listened to all the stupid words spilling from Eddie's mouth and it only made his nerves heighten. And then he was being pinned, and he knew he was in for it.

“And with the way your skin got goose bumps tells me you like it, too, hm?” Eddie purred. He dove back in without waiting for Steve’s response. These kisses were more… light, airy, and tickly than the usual passionate ones. And he made sure to cover the side of Steve’s neck with them, even going up behind his red blushing ear.

"I doho like when you kiss me, yeah, dumbass," he had to agree with that statement. And when Eddie went back in for more, Steve groaned since these kisses were not at all the loving ones he was used to. They tickled like all hell.

"Shit!" Steve exclaimed after his breath hitched and giggles flowed from his mouth shortly after, "Ohoho shit shit shihit-- Eddie!"

There it was! The delicious nectar of the gods Eddie craved!

“Steeevie.” Eddie had to whisper into the man’s neck just to send the chills flowing all over the place between kisses, “When were ya gonna tell me you were ticklish?”

The kisses continued on the man’s neck and he moved down to his collarbone then back up again, going all over to find the perfect spot that would make the man truly giggle and laugh. The metalhead wanted more.

It wasn't so much the kisses as it was Eddie's breaths and nose touches that sent Steve into giggle hell. And then the stupid fucking teasing! He couldn't get a break.

"Stohohop, you shithead!" Steve cursed and he kept scrunching his face down onto his shoulder as much as his pin would allow him. But that did nothing to help because then Eddie would move right to the other side of his neck and attack there.

“You know I don’t like when people keep secrets from me, Stevie boy," Eddie teased, deciding to test the shark infested waters, blowing a raspberry under his ear.

"I dihihidn't know, okay??" Steve squeaked when Eddie blew the raspberry, a laugh coming out a bit more hearty and panicked, "NAHA-- Not a secret! Pfft! Fuhuhuhuck, Eds!"

That made Eddie pause and he pulled back to look down at Steve with a confused look across his face. The pause allowed the man to catch a break.

“You… hold up. You didn’t knohow?” He let a laugh slip out of pure shock. Steve 'The Hair' Harrington’s had so many chicks, he’s surrounded by kids constantly, how did he not know he was ticklish? Even Eddie knew that he himself was ticklish, too much for the metalhead's liking but… that can be saved for another day.

“You really didn’t know?” Eddie asked once more when Steve didn't immediately respond to the tease, a bit more care in his tone this time since he legit was thinking Steve's never been tickled in his entire existence. And geez, that was a depressing thought.

Steve sucked in a breath when Eddie paused, "I didn't-- Well, no, I knew I was ticklish. I dated Nancy for Christ's sake, she teased me about it. Just no one's ever kissed me and it made me feel ticklish…"

Why was he exposing so much and being so open? The blush on Steve's cheeks only remained, and his hair was looking disheveled, "Kisses shouldn't tickle," he said a bit softer, definitely more self-conscious and embarrassed, and he knew Eddie was just gonna keep railing on him about it, "This is new."

The grin Steve knew all too well slowly made its way back onto Eddie’s face, and he was back in business, baby!

“Wehell! Now that we got that cleared up-- yes, kisses can tickle. It is new, and it’s exciting,” well, exciting for Eddie mostly. He was bouncing on his knees, careful not to crush or hurt Steve, but he couldn’t keep still for too long, “Not just on your neck either, but I happen to like your neck.”

If it were to come out of anyone else’s mouth that would sound creepy, but it was Eddie and he was known for just being weird. He took both of Steve’s hands and pinned them to the sides of his body so he couldn’t move, and he licked his lips with a smile.

Steve didn't have much to say, for once. A nervous butterfly fluttered around in his stomach when Eddie took his wrists and held them like he did, one on either side of his face. No one's ever manhandled Steve as much as Eddie and this was all definitely new love life territory for him. He would pin girls' wrists, never the other way around!

“Shall we go on this adventure? Explore new territory?” with a wiggle of his eyebrows, Eddie kissed Steve's lips. He moved the kisses lower onto his neck and kept his kisses moving from side to side so Harrington would be caught off-guard.

Another shaky smile spread across Steve's lips and a giggle was ripped from him when Eddie went back in, "Ah! Shhhh-- hehehehaha oho shihihit," he squeezed his hazel eyes shut in mirth to try and fight the tingly sensations.

Eddie especially loved when he threw in a nibble and a raspberry! Raspberries were fun. They even tickled him a little bit with the vibration of his lips! This was too good.

When Eddie started nibbling, that made Steve's leg hitch up in the air, in an effort to squirm and escape, "THAHAT nohoho! Nonono, noho Eddie plehehehease," he snorted and he felt like his life was over. But no, it wasn't, because then the raspberries came.

Eddie was trying his hardest not to grin so much since that would mess up his whole plan. He needed his lips to tickle, dammit! But Steve’s laughter was so endearing, so tooth-rottingly sweet he just couldn’t stop smiling.

“Dihid you just snort?!” now Eddie let out a small huff of laughter that mixed in with Steve’s, and it sounded more evil than anything. The perfect laugh to fit the dungeon master himself, “Oh, this is too good, Harrington, it really is.”

"EHEDDIE! Fuhuhuck that, man! Nohoho, don't! Dohon't fucking do that!" Steve snorted again despite himself and he audibly groaned at himself after it happened. The raspberries just sucked.

And another snort! Eddie was in a dragon's horde, he had to be! Riches all around for the taking!

“Oh d--… don’t do what? Hm? Don’t do this?” and he blew a raspberry at a spot in the crook of Steve's neck where his shoulder met his neck, then nibbled on the skin afterwards. He had a hard time keeping Steve’s head in place, but hoped his scrawny body could keep him pinned. Eddie wanted to keep going, but he knew he would have to stop eventually… sadly.

Steve exploded once more, "AHA! Dohohon't fucking tease me!" he was red as a beet and his laughter came out in clear streams. It was a newer sound, even for Steve. He hadn't been made to cackle in a long while. His neck was even becoming red by this point, from all the touching there as well as from his spreading blush.

Steve squeaked and curled his knees up when Eddie returned to nibbling everywhere, and he was snickering breathlessly, "I cahahahahan't! Eds, I-I--ohoho fuck, it tickles!"

Alright, that’s enough of the neck for now.

“I’ll tease you all I want, thank you very much!" Eddie let out a huff of playful annoyance and scooted down lower on the man’s body and used his teeth to yank up Harringtons shirt to reveal his slightly pudgy lower belly. And he looked up at Steve through his eyelashes and curly bangs with another wiggle of his eyebrows, the evil look still pooling in his eyes.

“I did say that kisses can tickle elsewhere, didn’t I?” the metalhead cooed and lowered his lips slowly to the quivering tummy beneath him. His long curly hair was falling onto Steve's bare skin, making goosebumps appear on the skin. And Eddie hadn’t even touched him yet! When he did, he peppered those little tickly kisses all over his lover's tummy. It made his heart swell at hearing the new laughter it brought.

"Oho you suck so much, Munson," Steve panted when Eddie moved his head, subsequently removing his hands from Steve's. The pin was no longer in effect, and Steve was just about to scoot himself away from Eddie. But there was something in him that wouldn't let him get all the way away. Why not!? This was absolute teasing torture! He could easily kick his legs and jerk Eddie off of him and boom, tickle kisses over. But Steve sat and caught his breath.

When Eddie's lips made contact with his belly, Steve burst into another fit of laughter. His hands shot first to Eddie's head and gave it a few nudges before raising themselves. Steve used his hands to cover his face, needing to put them somewhere or else he'd start throwing punches.

"Stop!" Steve pleaded, "Eheheheddie, stop, plehehease! I neeheed to breathe, you dihick!"

Eddie was giggling like a kid in a candy store. This was so cute. Steve was the cutest, this whole night was cute. God, he was turning so mushy. Damn it, Harrington, for killing his Metalhead creep freak vibe.

“Ohokay okay. Break time,” the metalhead, sadly, removed his lips from Steve's tummy and leaned up on his hands to look up towards him, “Ah ah ah, no hiding," he reached up and began tapping at the backs of Steve’s hands and along his knuckles.

Steve lowered his hands like a good boy. His chest was heaving in the effort to recover lost air into his lungs.

“You good? You’re not dying on me, are ya?” Eddie’s face was bright as can be, his dimples shining with his big grin as he was over the moon.

"I'm nohohot dying, no. Wish I was, that was brutal," Steve leaned himself up on his elbows, "You like this a little bit too much," he pointed out with pink still dotting his cheeks, but a smile remained on his face. Steve pulled himself up a bit so he could sit up on his own without needing to lean on his arms. And his hands held Eddie's and started to tug them, "Kiss me properly," he urged him, not bitter or annoyed at anything that transpired. If anything, Steve was filled with more love for his freak now more than ever.

Now it was Eddie’s turn to blush. Yep, he liked this. Liked it a lot, matter of fact. With a happy smile, Eddie nodded his head to answer Steve.

When Steve started to sit up more and take hold of his hands, he couldn’t say no. His hair was messy, his cheeks were red, and his eyes were sparkling: the image of perfection.

Eddie leaned in and kissed him deeply, filling the kiss with much needed love and affection after Steve made it through a brutal amount of tickly, kissy torture... so he supposed Steve deserved a bit of pampering afterwards.

The two young men sat and kissed each other lovingly. Steve shut his eyes and his hands slid up Eddie's arms, gripping them as he gently nudged him to get onto his back. Now that the tables were turning, Steve could not wait to have Eddie wrapped around his finger... or rather, multiple fingers. And laughing... because of said fingers. And aw hell, he'd throw in nibbles and raspberries as a bonus, just to round out their night of ticklish kisses.

[levisgirll]

Oh can I request a scenario? I've read that some people headcanon Levi as person who isn't really into marriage. And that got me thinking about this. A scenario in where Levi and his s/o mutually break things off because she always wanted to be a wife and have a lovely wedding and to have her husband's last name and he didn't want any of that causing her to think there was no future with him . So they become distant friends and she does get married years later and he is invited. And it's bittersweet since he feels like he might have missed out on a future with her but seeing her so happy he's content with her living her dreams even if it wasn't with him.

I'm here for some bittersweet love ❣️

𝐎𝐮𝐫 𝐁𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐭 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞 (𝐋𝐞𝐯𝐢 𝐀𝐜𝐤𝐞𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐧 𝐱 𝐅𝐞𝐦!𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫)

➧text: hello there!! oh my god this is such a unique request I got and I love your ideas in this request?! aHH WELL HERE WE GO! but oml- we do need some drama/angst and some bittersweet love with Levi and Y/N so I will happily write this request out for you (was lowkey wanting to do one) so I hope you enjoy this request and I hope its not that bad!! 😭 but once again, thank you so much for sending me your request and for supporting my blog 🥺❤️❤️ I am so sorry this took a while as I got this request while I was starting my new job and it was hard to balance out my personal life and work life! but I am kind of getting the hang of it so feel free to send another request, I really do love your ideas! <3

synopsis: after a long time being in a relationship together, with Levi. Things start to slowly drift apart and shatter. Levi although, tries to keep it stable, but it has eventually been called and broken off by Y/N, as you were not able to handle the situation anymore, thinking there would be no future with Levi had made you upset and making you want to get out of the relationship. Y/N ends up finding the one, and marrying them. How does Levi react and feel? His one and only love taken away by a stranger leaves him devastated. What does Levi do? What does Levi say to Y/N.

angst, sad/happy love, modern au world, headcanon fanfic ♡ —

After the war, and everything they have been throughout the years, Y/N and Levi decided to move and live together outside Paradis and start a new life there.

It has been a year, and Levi and Y/N have been dating for rather a pretty long time. Things have been pretty good in their relationship, both were happy and living their lives.

Y/N has been thinking a lot lately about marriage though, and especially with her one and only, Levi. Y/N would get lost in her thoughts of how they would officially live together as a married couple, how she would finally be Levi’s wife instead of his girlfriend. She would also wonder and think how lovely and special their wedding would be, how Levi would propose to his girl, and for Y/N at long last have her husband’s last name, being called Mrs. Ackerman would get her all blushed up.

Levi noticed for a while how his girlfriend would zone out, thinking about something and he would wonder what it is that is making his girlfriend so happy and squeal. Y/N was on the coach, while hugging around the coach pillow so tightly and then giggle.

“What’s making you smile like a cute idiot?” He said with a small smile and ruffed his girlfriends hair as he sat beside her on the coach and Levi put his arm around her waist, bringing his lovely girlfriend closer to him.

Levi would not complain though, seeing his girlfriend in this mood, made him think of nothing else but her, and it made him so happy too. He just wanted to cuddle her up and smooch her whole face up as she laughs.

Y/N then wondered and though, ‘Maybe, maybe it’s the time now!’ Y/N then thought of brining and slipping in the topic of marriage into their conversation. 

She said turning her face around to face Levi’s handsome looking face and she said in a cheerful tone, “Welll, I was thinking about the future lately.” Levi then frowned, indicating with his expression that he was confused as to what his girlfriend meant by future.

“What do you mean love?” Levi was direct and straight-forward, he wanted to know what his lover meant by what she said. Was she going to leave him? Did she had other plans for the future? He was starting to overthink.

“Y-You know!” Y/N said all blushed up, and as she was about to get up, he held on her wrist. “Nope, you are not going till you tell me love.” Levi was determined to know, and that lead to Y/N sighing and finally speaking her thoughts. She started to then throw him a marriage hint at him.

“I just, want us to be more serious about our relationship.”

“And, that is?”

“Like...I was thinking, of how great of a family we would make. Along with one day if I will take your last name!” Y/N said all in a cheerful and shy tone, his girlfriend was clearly all happy and her smile doesn’t seem like it would go away on her pretty face. She then was excited to hear his response, about how instantly he would prepare marrying Y/N.

But...Levi picked it up right away what she meant, and stayed quiet. Y/N’s confidence and love towards Levi showed that you were ready for a married life with him, and having his last name, clearly indicated this was the kind of a serious relationship she meant.

Y/N took in with the way how he did not respond and thought of him being worried, “D-Don't worry! I am sure you will be a great Father, I mean you are such a great boyfriend to me and-”

But Levi got up and put both of his hands on her shoulder which made her jolt, this made Y/N have a sinking feeling in her stomach, something felt wrong, the mood and vibe wasn't right and she started to feel anxious. “I, don’t think I can.”

Now, she felt as if her heart skipped a beat, her eyes widen and she gasped and was now speechless. She couldn’t believe it, and now her whole expression, happy vibe and her cheerful mood she was at a while ago, disappeared dramatically.

“I’m not into.....marriage.” Levi finally spoke, not thinking straight of what he just said, and of how sudden this topic was. Levi said this as he did not want to make her feel distressed, in fact himself feeling distressed. But, he had no idea how those words, completely shattered the Y/N he knew that was once cheerful, lovely and happy, gone.

She wanted to be with the man she first loved in her life, ever since she met him, and be his wife. But, she was lost and confused, didn’t Levi want her by his side too?

“Levi, Is that what you really think?....Don't you want me too? I though I meant something to you.” All her spirit was now gone, she looked down and had a very sad expression, her eyes soon to tear up.

Levi again, was speechless, he did not know what to say to her for once. He was caught off guard. That’s cause, he never really talked about this topic with anyone actually, unlike other people who have close friends or families who may have talked about marriage, Levi did not and it was just Y/N in his life he trusted and shared many things to.

So, when this was brought up in the conversation, this caught him really off guard and he just...stayed quiet, not sure what to say.

But to Y/N, that was an answer to her already, and without giving Levi any more time or in fact, not wasting his time, she slightly pushed his arms off her shoulders and walked away from him, going to the bathroom.

Y/N took this as a way he never wants to marry her and that shattered and broke her heart.

After a couple of weeks, both Y/N and Levi’s relationship kept falling apart, and as Levi tried his best to keep the relationship stable. Y/N, could not keep up with it, with her overwhelming mixed feelings of shame and sadness. This lead to Y/N having her feelings hurt.

One day, Levi enters their shared flat after coming back from a grocery store. He decided to cook dinner for his girlfriend tonight and have a romantic dinner with her, he wanted her spirit back, her love back, and after some time thinking, sorting out his emotions, Levi then knew that he would be willing to do anything for her happiness.

But, as he entered the living room, he saw Y/N with a suitcase and her backpack.

“What...” Levi said with a gasp, and his eyes widen, he stood there being shocked. Surely he was misunderstanding the situation...right?

“I am leaving, I can’t do this anymore.”

Levi dropped the bags he was carrying, on the ground, and he felt his heart skipped a beat. Did he hear it right? Did she actually say that?

“No, No. No!” He approached his girlfriend and held on her shoulders.

“Babe, we can fix this. Please stay with me, You don’t need to leave...I-I can’t lose you too.” He started to tremble slightly. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing!

“Stay with me, my love?” Levi then said once again, looking at her face who was now emotionless and she slightly pushed him away and that was the last time he ever saw her again.

Levi and his S/O mutually break things off because Y/N has always wanted to be Levi’s wife, having a lovely wedding and making a great family with him. But Levi didn’t seem to want any of that as he never spoke to her after that time and that caused his girlfriend, well now, ex-girlfriend, to thinking he didn’t want any of that and thinking there was no future after all with him.

Levi did not expect any of this, his ex leaving him after what he told her, and this leaves Levi all heart broken and being emotionally damaged. An emotional rejection from Y/N that damaged his mood and self-esteem. But, he still moved on and continued on with his life. He took most of the blame because he had to let her know sooner that, he would actually do anything for her happiness and love again, but he was apparently too late.

He would still be in their same shared flat, he cleaned it everyday and still kept two plates whenever he had breakfast or dinner, thinking one day he might see her. “She will come back to me...right?” He would mutter sometimes as he sat on the same coach they once shared and cuddled on, alone as the evening was approaching.

After what felt like forever, Levi was on his way to this well-known café that was mentioned by Hanji and he decided to check it out. But, to his surprise, he saw you, sitting inside the café, all alone drinking some tea. His heart fluttered, and his cheeks went red. Is it her?! Is it actually my Y/N?

After such a long time, he finally found her, and as soon as he wanted to approach Y/N, and thinking today is the day he will tell you how much an effect you had in his life and when you weren’t by his side, how he never realized that it took him long to figure it out that he would absolutely do anything to win you, your love and happiness back. He wanted to tell you all that, anything you wanted he was willing to give it to you now that he has finally found you. And explain to you also how, during the time you both lived together, he was actually trying to figure out with that time to make everything work out for you.

But, Levi stopped.

His heart sinking once again, that feeling he felt after such a long time.

He saw a guy, approaching you instead and....you were with him? Y/N’s face then brightened up, and she looked much happier, you smiled even more. Y/N got up from her seat and the man hugged her so tightly while caressing her back, and she was chuckling. And the man himself, seemed to be also deeply in love with you.

He then, noticed their rings, were they perhaps engaged, in their honeymoon, or perhaps they weren’t married and it was just matching rings...right? Levi wondered, begging that what he was thinking was true.

He then saw, his and Y/N’s old friends entering the café, and greeting both of them, one of them was Mikasa, Armin, Jean, Connie and Historia. He overhear how they were saying that they were such a happy couple and they loved and shipped them a lot. Happy for Y/N finding happiness once again. 

“I am out of time.” Levi muttered, now reality hitting him. He never had time to begin with, he knew ever since she left him. Time was lost and didn’t wait for him.

"What is this feeling?" it felt like as if someone clenched into his chest, his heart is being pulled out of his chest, his stomach having a sinking feeling. Now, he really did lose her.

But wait....maybe he has a chance? he decided to just wait, just maybe it was all a misunderstanding? Having that small hope, that everything was just an assumption, and jumping into conclusions.

After what felt like forever, he waited for them to get out of the café and approached them, to Y/N.

Her eyes widen, she couldn't believe she was seeing Levi after all these years. “Could I speak to Y/N alone, please?” Levi said sadly, and was looking at Y/N instead of the guy. 

The guy seemed to have read the mood and he let Y/N to talk to him in private, to sort out whatever was going on.

“How...have you been?” He finally said, after breaking the silence between them. Y/N nodded and looked back inside the café, “Do you wanna talk and perhaps, catch up?” Y/N uttered, and open the door to the café, she was still the friendly woman he loved and she still looked absolutely even more beautiful to his eyes, he just didn’t want this moment to end.

They then, started to catchup, how things were going for both of them, how they both were and then Levi asked if she was alright. Y/N finally told him that she has been engaged and she would be getting married soon, she let all their friends know about it and to be invited, and she said she would be happy if he would be able to come too, inviting him to her wedding. Levi was now having mixed of emotions, sad but also happy that she was not in a terrible state, and not sad after what has happened. She has picked herself up and lived her life, and finally her dream becoming true and a nice man who loved her, also wanting to marry her too.

They decided to be distant but in good-terms friends, and she was hoping that one day he could meet her fiancée properly. Levi just sat there, smiling. Smiling because he was actually happy to know that there was someone out there to love her, and not treat her bad, and give her what she wanted, which he could have done if he had done it earlier. But of course, it was Y/N, who wouldn’t love her?

He was actually happy for her, seeing her smile, and happy, and she had grown and matured to be such a beautiful woman. “You...will be such a great Mother.” He finally, said with a smile, and that warmed Y/N’s heart. Hearing that, especially from him, made her so happy and glad to hear that since she always wanted to be, but afraid she wouldn’t be. She looked down, at her teacup and tears were running down her cheeks, she was crying happy tears. Y/N never knew how his words would actually be heart warming for her, and he was ready to even support her anytime.

On the day, finally the wedding day, it was filled with love and laughter form everyone, and everyone congratulating them, all their friends crying and cheering for Y/N and the man she was gonna marry.

Levi of course came, and sat at the back, away from the crowd, and he was feeling heart-warmed seeing Y/N being happy once again and her smile and her sight was the most beautiful thing he has ever seen, he found it breathtaking, capturing every moment.

“That....could have been us.” He uttered to himself and got up, leaving the wedding as it almost came to an end, he thought his presence wouldn’t really matter to him much now and he left the wedding. 

“Hm, where is Levi? I still haven’t thanked him properly.” Y/N said looking around, and her husband held on her hand and gave her a sweet smile, “Don't worry, I am sure we will see him soon. But he left this for you.” Her husband, handed to her a bag filled with gifts, and a card saying ‘Congratulations, Wishing you a long and happy marriage Y/N.’

After a long day, Levi finally got back home. When Levi goes back to his flat now, no longer calling it ‘our flat’, he still had Y/N’s stuff that she left behind and haven’t thrown them away or moved its position. Y/N really did have a big impact in his life.

He looked through their old memories, gifts she gave him, pictures they took together, letters she wrote for him that was all placed inside a box and he was taking them out one by one. Smiling at them, as how great of a person she was to him.

But, he did really just wanted to grab your hand one last time, say that he always loved you, kiss you one last time, and have you by his side in the flat one last time, looking at your sleepy face and waking up to see your lovely face and sight every morning. He missed it and those days would warm his heart, Y/N did made Levi feel so special before and he was grateful to even be her boyfriend for that period of time. She showed him and gave him love which he thought he would never get, but because of her, he did.

Levi really thought from now, he won’t be able to find that kind of love anymore that he had with Y/N. But, he was very thankful to even have it in the first place. Because to him, Y/N was his everything and he did still care for her. Levi felt convinced though when he met Y/N, it was her and the last relationship he will have and he would be proud to say that she was once his lover and girlfriend.

He stayed still, sitting on the coach and laying down, looking at the ceiling. Levi was smiling, but his eyes then started to tear up slowly. “I promised her that, whenever she is happy....I should be happy too. So why am I like this? Fuck, I am terrible.”

Levi deep down just wanted to know, and he thought to himself saying, ‘Does Y/N even remember our past relationship, Did I have an impact in her life? Did I mean something in her life? Did she forget all our memories and moments together?’

After questioning himself this, he then realized that...when he said to Y/N he was not into marriage. It was a lie. He was actually lowkey scared and in that moment, it was said out of fear. Fear of how he might not be a great father or husband and might fuck things up, and he wanted to be ready and prepared he was the man for you, the one and only for you. He then, whimpered silently to himself in the dark, letting out all of his bottled up emotions.

It’s their bittersweet love, and it’s bittersweet since whenever he thought of the past, it would involve a feeling of happiness and sadness at the same time. But, he finally was at peace now, after seeing you for such a long time, and now knowing you are doing well and great, being taking care of by a great man. He does feel like he has missed out that future Y/N was talking about before, but seeing her cheerful and joyful, he was now content with Y/N and satisfied with her living her dreams, even if it was not with him, he would still support her with all his heart.

okay I did not expect to make this fanfic so sad but a little heart warming at the same time??! I definitely did not tear up while writing this- ANYWAYS! This is my first time to write something like this so please, let me know what you think of this and I hope you somehow liked the bittersweet love between Levi and Y/N!

If you enjoyed and liked this hc fanfic, please let me know by leaving a like, reblog or a message! I love you all and thank you for the support <3

[gingus-doon]

pov u just shot your childhood hero, wdyd

i.e. i ramble about keiji post-shooting; his occupation, what he does, how he copes, how he feels, etc. etc.

just putting this little thing here because the post got quite long and i couldn't split it up because it's all somewhat related. it started out as a rant / informal ramble but then it got serious lololol

—

one thing i don't understand is why people hc keiji as still having a job with the police post-shooting? like that just doesn't make sense to me– not only based on his character but like... why would you wanna make him a cop with all the talk of how much the police suck lately? personally i'm a brown bitch so i couldn't be down with thirsting over a cop lol. it's just kinda confusing sjdhd

i've seen the hc of him as a private investigator, though, which i like! it's a very neat way to let him flex his detective skills without being part of a corrupt organization and without forsaking his own personal beliefs and feelings about the police, because i don't think those would change anywhere near easily and i just kinda can't see him going back into the police force because of that.

i have often wondered what keiji would do after the death game, and what he was doing before the death game or after the shooting, because i think he'd definitely quit after the shooting, with all the grief and trauma surrounding the job and his newfound cynicism.

i don't think he'd be doing private investigation before the game, or more specifically, before his character develops into something reminiscent of his old self– as he is at the start of the game, he just doesn't have that faith in protection, so i can't imagine him being an investigator at that point. HOWEVER, in a post death game OR non-death game au where keiji has started to pull himself up from that tar (most likely with the help of others lol) i think that's definitely a plausible option for him and i like it a lot :]

as for other options, though... i really don't know! this is more of a stupid idea but i considered him working in a convenience store like shin lol. i had a whoooole au about him, kai, and shin working in the same convenience store just because they can't hold down any other jobs / don't know what else to do for work. shin is able to actually hold down the job because the last manager was mysteriously taken out of commission (i don't know lol) and they were ridiculously short-staffed already so shin ended up being the "most qualified" for the now vacant position. keiji's had a string of odd jobs since the police and this is just the next one. he's hoping to find something with a better wage but this'll do for now, it's even in walking distance from his apartment. and kai, kai's trying to exercise more independence from the chidouins' after becoming his own person! so he gets what i think would be his first job (well, his first official job, anyway... being an assassin and the chidouins' personal maid were more unofficial gigs lol.) ahh that was a lotta rambling about my dumb little au but i just think it'd be neat, they're three of my favourite characters so having them just vibe with each other at work and become friends sounds nice 2 me :] also Coincidentally i ship literally every combination of those three characters so that may have played a part in my casting decisions lmfao

oh wow that was a really long and uncalled for synopsis but this is just a rambly post so it can't really be uncalled for because this post doesn't have any particular point lol (A/N after writing this— IT HAS A POINT NOW, DISREGARD PAST ME)

SO ANYWAY ! i was just considering what keiji would do right after the shooting. honestly i have noooo idea, it's the beginning of a long road of him burying his trauma in a desperate attempt to avoid facing the pain it brings, and it marks a profound loss of innocence which makes his heart begin to grow cold. it's just hard to see the beginning of the process when where he started and where he ended up are very different places.

obviously, he'd quit his job. i wonder if the hallucinations would start right away? him being naïve in the beginning, i'm sure he'd acknowledge them– cry out apologies and plead for forgiveness until his throat is hoarse. the rule of hallucinations in yttd seems to be that if you acknowledge them, they'll burn themselves into your brain and you'll never be rid of them– implying that keiji has done so, as it's likely been years since the shooting and he's still suffering from the visions despite seeming to ignore them now.

ahh, i'm getting in my feelings about keiji now 😭😭 when i started this, i wanted to be held by him, but now i just wanna hug him like damnnnn

but back to what he'd do after the shooting– this scenario is self indulgent, but wouldn't it be nice if he took some time off and just stayed at his mom's place for a while? help her with chores while she's at work, try to regain a sense of normalcy in his childhood home...

i don't think he'd be able to do this right after the shooting. keiji had shame, once upon a time– the guilt would rack him like nothing else. i can imagine him spending a lot of late nights with alcohol, just wishing it was a dream. his resentment towards megumi slowly building as he feels he's being left in the dark as to why, why he isn't allowed to atone, why she's being so cold towards him about the shooting when he's suffering so heavily from the effects of it.

he wouldn't want to be around his dear mom as a murderer, and as a resentful alcoholic who's coping very poorly with his circumstances.

also (tangent incoming), i kind of wonder about keiji and alcohol a lot. in his fondness events with mishima, he says the following—

the "haven't drank that much in years" part makes me wonder– for how long? did he start to restrain himself before the shooting or after? i would say it's most likely after, considering the "feels like it'll swallow me up" comment he made soon after. and, how he talked about binge drinking when he was still a newbie. perhaps it was fine for him to do so, before the shooting— he'd just get wasted and flirt, have a good time. but after, it morphed into an inefficient coping mechanism which he fell far within the depths of to try and control the worst of his grief and self hatred. after that, heavy drinking couldn't just be for fun anymore.

i assume in the "before it got this way" comment, the "way" he's referring to is how he doesn't drink much anymore? or, he could be talking about the depression drinking, but i think the prior makes more sense.

even though i think, given keiji's example of drinking with megumi, that he could have gotten blackout drunk a couple of times purely for fun pre-shooting, i think here he's referring to the painful side of his relationship with alcohol here, the part that took place when he was trying to cope with his trauma. i think he brings up the story of drinking with megumi immediately after, then, to avoid talking about that part of his past. though he doesn't show it much, i think he's deeply ashamed of himself. not only of what he's done, but how he's handled it afterwards.

on a lighter note, though, it's quite funny to think of Lawful Good young keiji shinogi getting drunk off his ass and flirting with every woman he comes across willing to flirt back. like, what's up with that??? he seems like such a serious dork in the flashbacks, but doing well in his police job, he just... lets loose?? no no, honestly i think he hadn't drank much before going out with megumi and he took her insistence on him drinking a little too far, and with his inexperience with alcohol and the successive lack of self restraint that comes with each new drink, you get casanova shinogi, lmao.

BACK TO THE SERIOUS STUFF THOUGH !! i really like the idea of him going to his mom to help him pull himself back together. i think they'd have a solid relationship, fight me! he seems to adore his mom as a child with a good single parent usually does. i'm sure he appreciates her immensely for all the care and love she managed to give him when he was a kid while also working her ass off to support them financially. this very respect for her is what i think would drive him to isolate himself from her after the shooting– as i said above, he's a murderer now. a disappointing human being in general, and an even worse son. to let down his mother who worked so hard to raise him right... how could he? as his condition worsens and his heart grows colder, i'm sure that feeling would fester inside of him. he'd try to ignore it, as he does with everything else, but it's already wrapped its tendrils around his soul. that particular guilt isn't leaving him any time soon.

now that i'm thinking about it, also, i don't think it's likely that he'd quit his job right right away. it'd be more of a slow descent over the span of a few weeks. immediately after the shooting, he may stop showing up to work for a while. he just can't put on that uniform when it's practically caked in the blood of someone he held in such high esteem for so long. eventually, though, he gets a hold on himself– just a bit. he doesn't want to be cooped up in his apartment with his thoughts anymore, and he doesn't want to lose his job. what else would he do?

so, he takes it easy on the first few days back. megumi tries to make it easy for him. paperwork, whatever job he could do that's not on the field. he clings to her like a wounded puppy, hoping that she'll explain why she's covering it up when he doesn't want her to, what he's supposed to do with these feelings around the incident. he's drowning, and she's made herself a big sister figure to him– she's supposed to help him. but, she shrugs him off when he brings it up. she's so harsh about it compared to how she usually speaks to him. perhaps because of her own guilt around the incident, perhaps it's the family's response and how keiji is now, how panicked and sleep deprived the poor kid has looked since that day.

so he continues to spiral with nothing to hold on to. grasps at alcohol in a futile attempt to stop falling, because it's all he can think to fall back on. he's a wreck at work– he's barely living, much less working. but megumi tries her best to keep him from getting fired. she'll get him coffee and breakfast and try to say something encouraging. "hey. hang in there, shinogi." with a touch on the shoulder. but in spite of her efforts, of course, it hits a breaking point. everyone in the job thinks keiji's too damaged to continue, saying he either needs to see a shrink or get the hell out of the way and let everyone else do their job.

and keiji just stops coming into work one day.

the downward spiral ensues.

[themostrandomfandom]

Hey, so I don't know if you've addressed this before or if it's ever been mentioned, but I've always wondered why Brittany's SAT scores never came up in her first senior year. I understand that they had to shoehorn in a way to get Heather off the show, but what is your take on in canon what happened there, since you're all about writing not being an excuse. Thanks in advance if you get around to answering this!! Love your blog!! :)

Hey, @toomuchtoogay​​!

I’ve puzzled over this question before myself, and, honestly, I don’t think there is any one solid, uncomplicated answer. 

The bottom line is that the Glee writing staff didn’t even think about college admissions exams for anyone until S4, which leaves us a gaping plot hole regarding Brittany in S3. 

While I can suggest a few long-shot scenarios which might possibly explain Brittany’s seemingly peculiar exam history, the fact is that Glee was so terrible at depicting all things academic that none of them truly satisfies.

With that disclaimer in mind, I’ve written out the best explanations I’ve got under the cut. Take them for what you will.

_______

Stretch Possibility #1: Brittany doesn’t actually take any college entrance exams during her first senior year at all.

Maybe because Brittany’s grades are so abysmal, she opts of her own volition not to take any form of college entrance exams.

Alternately, as her guidance counselor, Emma could advise her against doing so. 

In the case that Brittany takes no college entrance exam at all, we can presume that Brittany considers college an impossibility due to her historically poor grades and supposed low intelligence, regardless of what either an ACT or SAT score may say.

Of course, one problem with this scenario is the Santana of it all. 

Sitting for college entrance exams is a rite of passage for most American high school seniors, and it often involves a somewhat social element. Friends sign up to take the exam on the same day and at the same location—even though they won’t be allowed to speak to each other once the exam commences—and they may even attend study sessions together in the days, weeks, and months leading up to the occasion. 

It strains credulity to suppose that Brittany could just quietly fail to take either exam without Santana knowing she were doing so. As Santana signed up to take her exams, she’d be trying to coordinate with Brittany. There would be discussion. Unless Brittany were to just straight up lie to Santana about her intentions, the truth would eventually come out.

—and given everything we know about Santana and her unwavering belief in Brittany’s genius (even before Brittany’s S4 SAT scores corroborate her claims), it also strains credulity to suppose that if Santana knew Brittany had opted against taking any college entrance exams, she would just be cool with Brittany’s decision. If Brittany were to tell her, “I’m not taking either the ACT or the SAT,” Santana would invariably ask why not, and if Brittany’s answer involved any hint of self-doubt or, god forbid, the suggestion that a school official dissuaded her from taking exams due to her supposedly low intelligence, Santana would undoubtedly freak the fuck out (“Ms. Pillsbury told you what?!”).

Even if Brittany were to convince Santana that it was okay that she wasn’t taking any exams because it was her personal preference not to, how could she do so without also letting slip that she had no plans to pursue higher education?

In episode 3x22, Santana’s mother Maribel says that she “understands [Brittany] got into Purdue University.” In an likelihood, she learns this misinformation from none other than Santana because Santana genuinely believes that Brittany is going to college.

If Santana and Brittany had ever sat down and engaged in a discussion about not taking any college exams, Santana would have already known for months that college was off the table for her girl.

That means that either Brittany at some point straight up lies to Santana about not taking the exams—which doesn’t seem likely, given that Brittany is typically unfailingly honest with Santana—or else that the girls never discuss the issue at all.

If we stretch our imaginations, we can perhaps pretend that Santana doesn’t notice Brittany’s failure to take either exam because she wrongly assumes that Brittany is taking the opposite exam that she is or else is sitting for her exam on a different date.

Of course, we would then also have to assume that Santana never follows up with Brittany about her exam scores or else that Brittany straight up lies to Santana when she asks about them, neither possibility seeming either in-character or likely given the state of Brittana’s relationship during S3.

We are also left with the lingering question: If Brittany doesn’t take college entrance exams during her first senior year, why does she take them during her second senior year? It’s not like her grades or academic reputation improves at all between Round #1 and Round #2. 

While it’s true that Will and Emma do become marginally more involved in Brittany’s academic career during S4, given what they think they know about her as a student and thinker, they still would likely assume that she’s just not college material.

Why push her to take the exam when her GPA is so abysmal?

Wouldn’t they just be “setting her up for failure”?

There’s no way they anticipate her fabulous score.

There’s no way they look at her and say, “Well, let’s just have her take it, and maybe by some miracle she’ll score well enough to get into college, despite the fact that she has failed every class she’s ever taken at WMHS, including gym.”

The better bet for them would be to help her learn a trade or join the military (like Puck).

Again, I’m just not buying the idea that anyone would push Brittany to take exams in her second senior year if they didn’t push her to take them during her first.

—and given Brittany’s personality and historic lack of confidence in her own academic abilities, I doubt she would decide of her own volition to take the SAT during her second senior year without some very enthusiastic outside encouragement from someone in authority.

Maybe Sam could persuade her to take the exam “for funsies” because he was also taking it.

But given that the SAT costs $57 to take, I still consider it unlikely that Brittany decides to take it on a whim, particularly in a scenario where she has refrained from taking it before.

Given all these caveats, I find the possibility that Brittany does not take any form of college entrance exam at all during her first senior year somewhat unlikely.

As an alternate theory, maybe we can say that Brittany takes the ACT during her first senior year rather than the SAT.

Honestly, in real life, the ACT is the far more common exam in Ohio anyway.

It is also the more widely accepted exam at non-coastal and non-Ivy League schools across the nation. 

Maybe for whatever reason, Brittany takes the ACT and earns average or even low scores. We as the audience then don’t hear anything about her results because there’s nothing remarkable about them given her previous academic performance, and her failing GPA later renders her score a moot point in any case.

To me, this possibility seems at least somewhat likely.

There could be a lot of reasons why Brittany might fail to score at the genius level on the ACT exam only to later score at the genius level on the SAT exam.

This scenario also removes the problems of Santana’s knowledge of and participation in Brittany’s exam experience. 

The girls both could take the ACT together or else Brittany could take the ACT while Santana takes the SAT.

Particularly if Brittany scores in the average or low-average range, Santana could still assume that college is an option for her, leading to the misconception that after high school graduation, she will be attending Purdue.

Overall, I think this possibility is the one I personally find most compelling. It’s easy for me to believe that Brittany takes the ACT and scores in the way that people might expect her to, and we as the audience just never hear about it because we don’t hear anything about anyone’s college entrance exams during S3.

Another possibility is that Sue interferes with Brittany’s exam experience. After all, during her first senior year, Brittany is still on the Sue Sylvester-run Cheerios, and canon tells us that Sue often doctors the GPAs of girls on the squad in order to keep them academically eligible to participate in sports. It’s possible that Sue—who is truly without scruples when it comes to academic dishonesty—also arranges to get seniors on her squad good college admission exam scores without them ever having to sit for said exams. 

In this case, we can assume that Brittany literally never sits for either the ACT or the SAT exam even though she receives some kind of score for one or both of them.

As with the scenario above, whatever [invented] score Brittany receives on her exam(s) is nevertheless later rendered a moot point due to her low GPA and failure to graduate.

Of course, this scenario doesn’t account for why Brittany would sit for the exam during her second senior year if she already had a “viable” score from her first senior year, as exam scores remain valid for a period of five years.

It is also difficult to explain why Sue would go through the trouble of inventing an SAT score for Brittany but then fail to similarly invent her a passing GPA.

I find this possibility relatively unlikely just given how ridiculous it is. But then again, we are talking about the Gleeverse here.

Stretch Possibility #2: Brittany does take the SAT during her first senior year, but we (as the audience) never hear about it because her scores are low to average and not in the genius level.

Ask any educator: Standarized tests are notoriously poor indicators of raw intelligence, so even though Brittany has genius-level smarts, that’s not to say that she would necessarily score well on every exam she takes.

Maybe the first time around, she has a bad case of exam jitters, so she performs poorly because she’s anxious. Maybe the second time around, she does better because she’s more relaxed.

Maybe for whatever reason the questions on the exam she takes during her first senior year are less amenable to her particular type of intelligence, whereas the ones on the exam she takes in her second senior year are something she can really hit out of the park.

Maybe the two exams are graded differently.

Honestly, there could be any number of reasons why she might do poorly the first time and better the second.

This scenario seems relatively likely to me. It is very easy to believe that Brittany takes the SAT during her original senior year, but her score is unremarkable and later rendered moot due to her failing GPA. She then takes the exam for a second time during her final senior year, scoring in the genius level and immediately being admitted to MIT, her failing GPA notwithstanding. We as the audience only hear about Brittany’s second attempt because, again, college entrance exams only come onto Glee’s radar during S4. 

Stretch Possibility #3: Brittany takes the SAT during her first senior year, and she scores well, but her exam score is for some reason invalidated, meaning that she must take the exam again during her second senior year.

In rare instances, SAT scores can be cancelled due to a number of irregularities, including what the Educational Testing Service deems “unusual answer patterns.” If Brittany’s PSAT scores wildly differ from her SAT scores or her math scores are so unbelieavably off-the-charts good in comparison to her writing and reading scores, then there is a possibility that her test grader flags her exam and moves that her scores be stricken from her record. Since the ETS is not obligated to disclose the reason why a test score has been cancelled, Brittany could well have no idea “what she’s done wrong.”

Given Brittany’s sensitivity about her intelligence, if she received notification that her SAT score had been cancelled, she would probably assume that she had been penalized because her answers were so poor that the ETS just couldn’t handle them. She likely wouldn’t seek arbitration because she would be too embarrassed. She’d just figure she could take the exam again later, hoping that things might go better the second time around.

Of course, in this scenario, the Santana of it all again becomes an issue.

It strains credulity to think that if Brittany’s scores were cancelled, Santana wouldn’t find out about it. Santana reads Brittany so well, and if Brittany were to show up to school looking bummed or confused, Santana would ask her what was the matter. Unless Brittany refused to tell Santana what happened, the truth would come out, and if Santana knew that Brittany had had her exam score cancelled, she would encourage Brittany to try to at least learn for what reason or (more likely) to fight the ruling if she could. Maybe Brittany for some reason would decline to take Santana’s advice. Still, Santana would know going forward that Brittany had no college entrance exam scores and so would not be attending university. Her surprise about Brittany’s fate in episode 3x22 therefore would not make sense.

Perhaps we can imagine that Brittany purposefully conceals her cancelled exam score from Santana because she is embarrassed.

Maybe the cancellation only happens retroactively, so initially Brittany does have a viable score which she reports to Santana. Later, said score is invalidated, but Brittany doesn’t report this turn of events to Santana (and somehow miraculously manages to conceal the news from her).

If we want to, we can maybe say that the cancellation takes place at the same time that Santana is dealing with the fallout from being outed. Brittany doesn’t conceal the cancellation from Santana because she wants to be dishonest but rather because she feels like Santana is already dealing with a lot, and she doesn’t want to bother her with such a petty problem, particularly when she has the option to eventually retake the exam. That’s why come episode 3x22, Santana is so surprised to learn that Brittany isn’t going to be graduating or attending college—because the news literally comes out of nowhere for her, even though for Brittany it’s been in the works for a long time.

This possibility does require some contingencies in order to function, but I consider it viable. We can imagine that Brittany takes the SAT during her first senior year, and she scores remarkably well—so much so that the ETS unilaterally decides that she must have cheated and so cancels her scores retroactively. They don’t tell Brittany why they cancelled her scores, and she’s too embarrassed to ask. She just accepts the status quo and tries to move on, particularly as she and Santana are presently dealing with the aftermath of Santana’s outing and Santana’s grandmother disowning her. Santana is already so sad that Brittany decides not to burden her with the news about her exam. She figures she’ll just take the exam again later, and everything will be okay. But then as more time goes by, it becomes increasingly clear to Brittany that she isn’t going to graduate high school anyway, so why should she bother to take the exam again? It’s not like she’s going to college. She quietly accepts her fate, only revealing it to Santana during the events of episode 3x22.

Bonus: If we accept this scenario as our headcanon, it may also further explain what happens with Brittany’s second exam during S4. Simply put, the first time around, Brittany’s scores are so good that the ETS (falsely) believes that she must have somehow cheated. But then she duplicates her same impressive results one year later, proving that they weren’t a fluke. The ETS is then forced to acknowledge that, no, Brittany didn’t cheat, and, yes, she is a genius, given that she aced their exam not once but twice under highly controlled circumstances.

Like I said, to me, none of the scenarios I’ve described here are necessarily airtight. All of them require a lot of contingencies in order to function. If this were a court case, the opposing counsel would rip them to shreds. 

The real answer to this puzzle is that Glee screwed up—as they so often do—leaving a sizable plot hole for us as fans to deal with. 

But frankly this plot hole is just part of the bigger plot CRATER which is Brittany’s overall academic history. There are so many things about her experiences as a high school and university student which make absolutely less than zero sense, and the mystery of her mystical, magical disappearing initial SAT score is just one issue among the many, many more salient issues which have to do with how Glee treats the topics of her intelligence and fluctuating academic performance.

Anyway, enough ranting form me. That’s all I’ve got.

Sorry I can’t offer a more concrete answer! Thanks for the question.