#I've seen it in passing a couple of times when I've been travelling somewhere and had to leave before dawn

[outoftheirdifferences]

about me!

rules: bold the ones that are true and tag 15 other people to do it too!

appearance:

i’m over 5’5” // i wear glasses/contacts // i have blonde hair // i prefer loose clothing to tight clothing // i have one or more piercings // i have at least one tattoo // i have blue eyes // i have dyed or highlighted my hair // i have gotten plastic surgery // i have or had braces // i sunburn easily // i have freckles // i paint my nails // i typically wear make-up // i don’t often smile // i am pleased with how i look // i prefer nike to adidas // i wear baseball hats backwards

hobbies + talents:

i play a sport // i can play an instrument // i am artistic // i know more than one language // i have won a trophy in some sort of competition // i can cook or bake without a recipe // i know how to swim // i enjoy writing // i can do origami // i prefer movies to tv shows // i can execute a perfect somersault // i enjoy singing // i could survive in the wild on my own // i have read a new book series this year // i enjoy spending time with friends // i travel during school or work breaks // i can do a handstand

relationships:

i am in a relationship // i have been single for over a year // i have a crush // i have a best friend i have known for ten years // my parents are together // i have dated my best friend // i am adopted // my crush has confessed to me // i have a long distance relationship // i am an only child // i give advice to my friends // i have made an online friend // i met up with someone i have met online

aesthetics:

i have heard the ocean in a conch shell // i have watched the sun rise // i enjoy rainy days // i have slept under the stars // i meditate outside // the sound of chirping calms me // i enjoy the smell of the beach // i know what snow tastes like // i listen to music to fall asleep // i enjoy thunderstorms // i enjoy cloud watching // i have attended a bonfire // i pay close attention to colours // i find mystery in the ocean // i enjoy hiking on nature paths // autumn is my favourite season

miscellaneous:

i can fall asleep in a moving vehicle // i am the mom friend // i live by a certain quote // i like the smell of sharpies // i am involved in extracurricular activities // i enjoy mexican food // i can drive a stick-shift // i believe in true love // i make up scenarios to fall asleep // i sing in the shower // i wish i lived in a video game // i have a canopy above my bed // i am multiracial // i am a redhead // i own at least three dogs

Tagged by: borrowed from @let-me-be-surprised (like a week ago, it's been sitting in my drafts ever since because no internet xD)

Tagging: Whoever wants to!

[keeskiwi]

I had a transgenderization surgery 1 month ago and I got the clear to stop wearing my post-op binder yesterday, and I keep feeling the desire to write out my thoughts somewhere but not knowing where, and then I remembered tumblr is The transgender website, so, you know, why not.

I had a double incision top surgery on January 30th. It feels pretty surreal in some ways. I first started experimenting with gender things in late 2010, grabbed a binder from Underworks in 2011, then kind of coasted along in a state of "well, a haircut, name change, and some new clothes have been working out for me mostly well enough and my breasts aren't that big anyway and maybe it's not a big deal even though every year I'll research if I can make my insurance cover it just in case and daydream a bit about something horrible happening that would require my breasts to get removed, with a side of quietly burning with envy when I see someone else get medical care for their dysphoria." For. A while.

Late 2022 I finally decided I would bring it up with my doctor, and after over a year of horrible insurance wrangling I finally ended up with a consult in early January, and then suddenly they called me back and said they could squeeze me in by the end of the month.

January 30th I got up at early-o-clock, went to the hospital, met my surgery team, got knocked out, and woke up with a new chest. I'm really glad I didn't have to travel for surgery and was back home that evening. Between that and having two partners (one of whom has had top surgery himself) to care for me afterwards, I feel really grateful.

Anyway yeah, this was the most significant surgery I've had before. It was your standard double incision, although I opted to go without nipple grafts, for a couple reasons:

I had heard that nips were kind of tricky healing-wise, and as a health-anxiety-prone kind of person I didn't really need the extra fear of something going wrong there in my life.

Especially because I didn't have any particular attachment to the idea of nipples in the first place. Sometimes I wonder if this was an extension of wearing a vaguely skin-tone binder for the past decade+. Any time I saw myself with a flattened chest, it was without nipples, because they were being hidden by the binder ha.

Additionally, a thing I've struggled with wrt medical transition is that it often feels like the goal for my agab is to transition towards masculinity, and while I'm okay being mistaken as male (especially over being mistaken as female) it's actually kind of important to me that I'm...not male? Masculinity as gender neutrality is something that really irritates me. I'm not any flavor of trans guy. So going no-nips felt like a way to make a conscious change to my body that was perpendicular to the masculinity/femininity binary.

And finally, while exploring the concept I found out that some people really hate the idea of people transitioning to having nippleless chests, because to be human is to have nipples (I guess?) so removing your nipples was trying to remove yourself from humanity (I??? guess???) and while there's a LOT to unpack there, as someone with only a passing identification with the concept of humanity I found this appealing in a "don't threaten me with a good time" kind of way.

Maybe I'll just get tattoos of wasps there instead.

The first time I saw myself at my first post-op was like--my chest is covered in incisions and tape and dried blood and marker and swelling but somehow it was still the most comfortable and appealing thing I had ever seen, and I keep feeling kind of amazed? I think that I had been really focused on like, specific Things I Could Do Post-Top Surgery, like wearing better-fitting T-shirts or taking my shirt off during the summer when it was hot, and I didn't fully realize just how...good it would be just existing? At first I thought it was hyperbolic thinking, but the more I consider it the more I feel that I've spent more time voluntarily looking at and interacting with my chest in the past month than I have the whole rest of my life. Some of it was forced aftercare from the surgery of course, but I lose a bunch of time each day just getting caught in front of mirrors. I didn't realize that I could like the way I look under my clothing so much.

And things like, realizing I've been saying "my chest [euphemistic, regretful]" in regards to my breasts my whole life, so I keep wanting to say "I don't have a chest anymore"--but the thing is, I do! I do have a chest still, and "my chest" is now something I feel happy to claim because I got to choose it. It's a little ouchy and lumpy and at the moment it looks like someone taped poison ivy to it because my skin finally got sick of the surgery tape and staged a revolt, but it's still the best chest I've had in living memory, and it's only going to get better from here.

I'm just really happy.

[misc-obeyme]

lesson 40 had me all over the place when it came out😭 I got the first snippet on my lunch break, was practically vibrating the last two hours of my shift because i wanted to get home and PLAY

And I was keeping up on twitter from following someone who posts snippets of the lesson and I saw the hard mode part, and I was like "ohmygod is MC dreaming? Did the spell not work? Was our magic not enough?" (because i was slightly disappointed lol)

BECAUSE THAT WAS MY FIRST IDEA BEFORE LESSON 40 RELEASED, summoning the white dragon was meant to be practice, but I was afraid it'd drain all our power and we'd end up stuck in the past (and maybe have to make pacts with more demons?)

but then I was thinking during work "oh god what if the spell failed and MC passed out and that's why everyone is so calm, it's a dream" because I didn't have the full context. But MC definitely left the past as far as we can tell (to where? Who knows)

I'm stuck on that idea that hard mode might be a dream. Maybe the spell drained MC and Solomon, BECAUSE WHERE IS HE, HE TRAVELED BACK WITH MC SO THEY SHOULD'VE BEEN TOGETHER?? MAYBE?? Maybe they both returned to the present and are unconscious in the entrance of the HoL. I'm anxious and excited for season three

- ✨

Okay. Okay okay okay. I've been thinking a lot about all of this, too, and I have to say I think all of us are freaking out but it might not be what it seems.

Because this game is notorious for being stupidly vague and at this point, anything could happen.

At the very end, before they do the cast credits, we simply say something like "I'll be back!" before disappearing into the sky. And actually all that really happens is a couple of the bros nod and smile at us before the screen goes white. What does that mean? Did we disappear? Did we make it through the gate? Did Solomon come back with us? None of this is clear from that brief moment.

The hard lesson, then, is confirming that we made it back to somewhere. It doesn't actually say we made it back to the past or even back to the correct timeline. We just show up in the HoL, by ourselves because I don't think Solomon is with us, and the bros are all like oh hey there you are.

BUT. In true weirdo timeline fashion, they have a feeling that they haven't seen us in a while. And Solomon had said previously that the past and the future sort of impact each other.

Time is a soup. Or mud. I think they're trying to tell us that the timelines have been merged all along. Each instance of the boys that we encounter have echoes of the boys we've met before. They get feelings about things related to us, such as the guest room.

Could we have drained all our magic summoning the dragon? Quite possibly! And maybe we did get through the portal, but due to the lack of magic power we only made it partway and ended up in a totally different timeline.

Maybe we did successfully get through the portal as we needed to, but because time is soupy, we ended up in an altered version of the time we left.

I went back and re-read what Solomon told us when we first got to Cocytus Hall. He says

We all kind of assumed that the brothers also experienced our disappearance. Certainly it probably took Solomon some time to analyze the traces of magic left behind, as he stated. But the only being aside from Solomon himself that we can say for certain was aware that something was happening is Barbatos. Solomon never says that he told the brothers or that the brothers were involved at all.

That being said, it seems unlikely to me that the bros and everybody else wouldn't have noticed if MC just up and disappeared.

I think there are a handful of possibilities at this point.

We've been transported to a time just before we disappeared or shortly after, so the brothers are unaware that anything even happened.

We've been transported to a completely different timeline.

Solomon and Barbatos are somehow in cahoots with Nightbringer and none of this actually means anything.

Due to the soup like quality of time, we are in fact back where we left, but the brothers' understanding of our absence was somehow altered, even if they are still aware that something is off.

Something else entirely different and out of left field because this game is whack and comes up with nonsense all the time.

The details of these scenarios are completely up in the air. Lacking magic, magic gone wrong, Solomon not coming with us for some reason, Nightbringer finally getting involved again, maybe even Michael since we all thought something interesting was gonna go down with him... I mean, the possibilities are endless.

But as of right now, we really don't have a lot of information about where MC has ended up. And while this game has been consistent only in letting me down or making me freak the fuck out, I'm still interested to see where they go next. I'm giving them a chance to bring us a beginning to season three that doesn't leave me going ???? and instead gives me some !!!! Maybe that's a silly thing to do, but I am generally a perpetual optimist out of spite.

And you know, if I really hate it all, I can just go back to writing OC content in an OG timeline where I know what's happening. :)

OOF sorry to rant on your ask, ✨ anon! But honestly, I think any of your ideas could be right. It could be that MC used up all their magic, it could be that the hard mode is a dream, it could be that we lost Solomon along the way somewhere, all kinds of things are possible!

If we're unconscious, though, we better wake up in our tree filled guest room. Solomon can be there, too, I wouldn't mind that at all. Cuties waking up together in MC's bed like ?? what happened?? Oh hey, but you're here with me, so it must be okay. Oops getting into fluffy Solomon nonsense again...

[days-of-ash]

Trying to doodle my general mood.

I've been celebrating myself for the last few years.

I don't think many people care for some rambling of a mod, but a few years ago, my grandfather passed away.

Truth is, both my folks took the first flight out to see him, and didn't really give me much to go on. For a couple days, I assumed the worst.

I felt kind of bad, but also, felt alone. It's wasn't that bad, but it kind of felt sudden, but also like, I kind of didn't matter.

Apparently it's tradition to spend a year morning the loss of someone. So I spent the next year taking myself out for a trip somewhere. Did the same thing a couple years later, and more and more.

I managed to bucket list items til I felt satiated of my wants. But now, I kind of run out of things. There are things I still want to do, but it's not because I couldn't. Just that, the more and more I did things on my own. The more I find that, I'm alone In what I like.

I don't mean to be a downer. But I enjoyed drawing, enjoyed gaming, enjoyed traveling, exploring, and learning. I've tried new things, done some puzzle rooms, tried new food, and more.

But most of every time, it felt like I did it on my own. Which isn't bad. You need to take the initiative for what you would like.

I went on a trip a couple months ago, I had a blast. But I also felt like, no one seemed interested. By no means do I mean I'm not at fault here.

I have been distancing myself away from social media, taking pictures, sharing my daily life, and my thoughts only because I felt rather weird by the concept. You share yourself with the world, but the world looks back.

It's always been damming to know, that when the world looks at you, it's never the image you make of yourself. Sure everyone has a mask, but also, they curate the sides of themselves seen by others.

I hated that. I hated having sides of myself seen. I hated looking at people and seeing their expressions twist from what they think off me. I'm not saying that it's a bad thing, but it's a bit shocking to realize you romanticized the person you thought you were. Then you also have people who are strangers, describe you in ways you wouldn't have described yourself.

It's also a bit harsh knowing that, you aren't who you thought you were, and sometimes, you can see who you are turning into. Then again, the fact you can look back and see who you once were.

Does that bother anyone else?

Though it is my fault. I tend to think a little, what did i do for others. I have tried. Make what I could with others. Sadly, I'm not the best at making friends. But it was a solid try.

I guess, it was more so my own little thought. What is it about me that seems to make a good acquaintance, but not a friend you want to spend time with? What is it about others?

All in all. It is what It is. I just felt today is another year to me. And a wonder, what my story would look like.

I do wish I was better. But you gotta try to make what you can, and pick yourself back up! That's how you move forward.

[cryptidsurveys]

Saturday, August 31st, 2024.

1 - Surveys aside, do you use Tumblr for any other reason? I have another blog for autumn-themed content (ephemeral-autumn), but I haven't updated it in a while. However, now that the season is swiftly approaching, I might feel more motivated.

2 - Do you have a lot of social media accounts? Do you update them all regularly? I have this survey account, the one I mentioned above (which comes with a bunch of neglected/unused side-blogs), and an IG account. I update my survey and IG accounts fairly regularly.

3 - Does it bother you when your socks don’t match? What about your underwear? It's not a big deal if they're some variety of gray + white, but unless I'm hanging around home, I wouldn't wear one gray + white sock and one black sock. I don't care if my underwear matches anything else I'm wearing.

4 - How many times a year do you go on vacation? Do you tend to go to the same places each time? My family doesn't go on regular vacations. The last time I went somewhere that wasn't a camping or backpacking trip was in 2011 when I traveled to Georgia to spend a couple of days with a past partner.

5 - How many times did it take you to pass your driving test? Once. It was actually a ridiculously easy test. I didn't have to parallel park or anything.

6 - When you’re in trouble, do your parents ever “middle name” you? No.

7 - Which family member do you look like the most? Which one do you resemble the most in terms of personality? I haven't seen my sibling in ages, but based on how I recall their appearance, I would say I most resemble them. As for personality-wise, that would be my dad.

8 - Have you ever been arrested? No.

9 - Do you prefer Apple or Android? I don't think I've ever owned an Apple product, so my use of Android isn't really a preference but a familiarity.

10 - Does getting sweaty or dirty bother you at all? If so, has it ever put you off doing exercise? It's low-grade bothersome, but when it comes to the animal shelter, I don't really care. Lmao it's one of the only places you can go around smelling like cat p*ss and no one will raise an eyebrow.

11 - Have you ever broken a bone? What were the circumstances that led to this happening? I messed up my right big toe back in 2009, but I don't know whether I broke it or not because I never went to the doctor to get it checked out. I just suffered until I healed. :')

12 - If you could change one thing about your appearance, what would it be? Either remove old stupid tattoos or certain scars.

13 - When was the last time your computer crashed or froze? is this something that happens often? I'm not sure. My current computer typically works like a dream. As someone who has dealt with slow/glitchy computers for most of my life, I'm super happy with it.

14 - Do you ever have problems with your sleep? Nothing major. I wouldn't say I suffer from insomnia, but it does take me quite some time to fall asleep and I hardly ever feel completely rested.

15 - What was the last thing you ate for breakfast? Is this a normal breakfast meal for you? A bowl of oatmeal with peanut butter, strawberry carnation instant breakfast, fruit, and chocolate syrup. I have it almost every single morning without fail.

16 - Have you ever thought about how you want to spend your retirement? I've wondered about how/if/when I'm going to retire, but I haven't given too much thought to how I would spend it.

17 - When was the last time you got a new tattoo or piercing? Do you have any plans to get either in the future? I got my last tattoo in 2013 and my last piercing sometime around 2008-2009. I don't have any plans to get more.

18 - How would you describe your personality? It changes so much depending on the company that I don't know how to describe it as a whole. Around my dad and my therapist (and my mom to a large extent), I'm talkative, silly, sarcastic, passionate about my interests, etc. Around people I don't know very well or don't feel comfortable with, I'm somewhat reserved and awkward, but I try to give off a friendly vibe even if I'm not saying much.

19 - Have you ever heard of “hygge”? is this something you enjoy or participate in at all? I've heard of it, but I had to look up the exact definition to be sure. It's definitely something I like to participate in.

20 - What colour was the last vehicle you travelled in? Does this vehicle belong to you or someone else? Red. It belongs to me.

21 - Would you describe yourself as healthy? Why or why not? I'd describe myself as generally functional. Not quite healthy, but nowhere near death's door.

22 - Would you describe yourself as messy or organised? Is this something you would like to change? I would like to be more organized.

23 - Do you miss anything about being a teenager? If you are a teenager, what’s your favourite thing about it? I have some fond memories from that time in my life, but I wouldn't say I miss it. It's more like a nostalgia that - deep down - I know I wouldn't want to re-experience.

24 - Are you patriotic at all? Why/why not? I'm kind of like, "The USA is OK!" ;D I don't believe it's the best place on the planet, but I also don't believe it's the worst. It's…home. I don't like our government, but I think patriotism is less about loving your government and more about loving where you come from - the people, the cultures, etc.

25 - Have you ever had to wear a white lab coat before? Was this in school or for a job? Possibly during a high school chemistry lab, but I'm not sure.

26 - Would you ever want to do the same career(s) as your parents? No.

27 - Do you believe in aliens? Is there a reason why (or why not)? This is kind of where I'm at with the whole alien thing. Do I believe aliens exist? Yes. Do I think advanced civilizations are common? No. Do I think simple/microbial life is common? Much more common than advanced life, but as for how common, I don't know. Do I think the government is hiding aliens from us? No. Do I think aliens have visited us? No. Not unless you want to count the aforementioned microbes crash-landing on a meteorite or something. Well, what about all the UFOs? Idk what they are, but I don't think they're little green men (or women…or whatever).

28 - Which animated film would you most like to live in? Princess Mononoke is visually stunning, but probably not a realm in which I would actually wish to reside.

29 - When was the last time you got into an argument? Have you made up with that person yet? It's been a long time.

30 - What are you going to do now this survey is over? Finish up the last little bit of my salad and do some housecleaning.

[stripedscribe]

Out of context sad blorbos

@seaglassxng gave me a sad quote about my guy, and it spiralled from there.

 "I've never known Moss to love anyone less because they didn't love him."

He loved his family. Of course he did. 

Loved them all his childhood, even if he felt a little less loved by them day after day, as time and energy was spent on those who they’d singled out to achieve more. And they said a mother couldn’t have favourites, but she watched how she helped Blackberry come into his magic. How Hawthorn had all the support to fight and grow stronger. And yet they wouldn’t let him touch a weapon. He who knew he was small, and he wasn’t built for a fighter, didn’t have a natural magic for wizardry or sorcery, but could be something more like a ranger, a rogue, a scout. Someone built for travelling and fighting and helping. And protecting. 

He sat at night sometimes, when the older members were on watch, peering out of the tent he shared with the other kits. Helping, or at least trying to. Learning what they did, how they worked to protect their family. To look in the candlelight, and the flickering flames of a campfire, and try and see into the darkness. 

Even when they abandoned him. He truly honestly believed it was because they loved him. Because they wanted the best for him. To grow up and be stronger and better and braver for having done it alone, with different mentors, and it was a way of life. 

It took him a long time to work out that they didn’t really love him back. That he’d been a burden, and a problem. As he told strangers his story and played up his youth for the hope of a better standing, they looked at him with pity and then spoke with anger about his family. If he saw his parents again, he sorta felt as though he’d still want to speak to them. That he would still love them. He couldn’t imagine himself filled with hate. They were just a feature of the past. A chapter long since underlined, and he’d still hold space for them in his heart. Weeks passed through to months, as the seasons changed. 

In the towns and villages he called home for a brief while, there was the brief joy of companionship. Of strangers to share space with, the same faces around a table at meal times. Families who opened their doors to him in exchange for work, a spare room if he’d defend their flock, if he’d work on their farm. If he could spend his nights keeping watch over a town, for the monsters that lurked in the night. 

And it wasn’t that he was pushed away as much anymore, but more the chatter became too much. That too many eyes were on the young kit without a family in sight. That he’d feel the unease of roots settled far too long, that for all his childhood he’d never been able to settle, and he wasn’t sure he’d be able to now, even if it was his choice to make now. A season here and there, and then he was moving onto something else. Something different. Nights spent sharing a campfire with strangers, people heading in the same direction, stories that wouldn’t be told of why they were all alone, but instead the simple companionship. 

Learning skills from these strangers, how to use a longbow, one bought to aid him in his journey, even if he’d prefer the weight of a hand axe or dagger as a weapon. Properly learning how to take a watch, how to peer into the darkness and keep the people around him safe. Holding their trust, and they in turn holding his, for as little time as they spent together. 

Finally being old enough to be seen as an adult, and able to spend time in taverns, somewhere to watch the people around him and learn more. Wondering why he didn’t feel the love that romantics seemed to. A couple in the corner and he looked away as they leant in for a kiss. He was still small. Still too small but he hadn’t grown in a long while. This was it, all 3 feet of him, even as an adult being mistaken for a kit. Sitting on a tavern stool trying to persuade the innkeeper he was old enough to drink. Sometimes persuading someone else to buy them for him, when he was tired of the fuss and in a new town. 

And then there was Kehaar. Who was a little bit like him. Who’d been pushed in the same way like him, out of a family too big that should have been kind. They latched onto each other, like sinking ships, both only a few years into being adults, and still trying to find a place in their world. As much as Moss was from the material plane, he’d never really felt like he’d belonged anywhere, still with the generational trauma of running from the feywild and something nobody spoke about. And Kehaar forced down from the Plane of Air, crash landing in a stranger's world. Both wandering, and waiting, and hoping for some sense of purpose to be given to them. 

And he loved him. It was a long time since he’d felt a sort of love for someone like this. More than just the relief of companionship on an empty night. Love that is strong enough to make him want to settle roots for the first time in a long time, to carve out a more permanent place to live rather than survive. 

He knew Kehaar longed for more. To learn more, of how to handle his magic, how to be a wizard, and that those answers weren’t in a town like this. He hid the grief and the sadness as they packed his bags, and as Kehaar flew off into the sky towards Candlekeep. 

As more and more time passed, and he didn’t hear from Kehaar, his heart shattered, for being abandoned and forgotten about again. That people would always find something or someone better, and that maybe the brief time they’d spent together had meant nothing. 

It took him some time to come to terms with it. For him to pack up, and start walking, an aimless journey that still led to Candlekeep. He loved Kehaar. And he had to know properly if he’d truly stopped loving him back, if he couldn’t afford to send a letter, or anything. 

Kehaar had promised. He’d promised to write, and Moss had checked the mail every day, and every day it remained empty. For a while, he hadn’t wanted to leave, that one day there would be a letter, or Kehaar would appear in the sky. If he left, he wasn’t sure Kehaar would be able to find him again. 

If he even wanted to. Perhaps he’d found something better. Someone better. Moss would hold a space in his heart for him, just in case. But months was too long of a time to hold out much hope. And the pitying faces were back, now he was on his own, and those around him knew he’d been abandoned. Best to strike out and continue all he was good for as being a wanderer. As being alone. 

He left, his bag over his back, in search of some new purpose. His feet gradually taking him closer to Candlekeep, the distance far and the miles unfamiliar. In his mind, he still battled with whether Kehaar would even want him. If the distance had been nothing more than an excuse. 

If he’d simply been abandoned again. Left to fend for himself. At least he was an adult now. 

He found more strangers on the way, more people heading to Candlekeep, and it gave him some sense of purpose. To help someone else’s adventure, even if his heart wasn’t really invested in his own. Crammed into a boat probably too small for the three of them, dwarfed by the height of a satyr and half-elf. 

He’d expected it to be brief. He didn’t have space to be broken again, they were simply strangers on a common cause. 

And then their names were branded on his heart, and he loved them. Wanted to protect them, and they all wanted to protect each other, not leaving the others alone. As adventure after adventure befell them, and his mind drifted from why he was truly here. 

Ignored why he was really here. Because surely he’d done his work. If Kehaar was in fact even here, he’d hear of him. He’d find him. 

And then there was a vision, and Willabuck and Cyrus were holding him and comforting him and they were so *so* certain Kehaar was dead. He didn’t feel like he’d be the same again. Maybe he should have done more. Maybe he should have been faster.

Maybe this was all his fault. 

They had a mission. He could throw his soul into that, into helping the others, and find out what happened to Kehaar later. Work out if the world is still spinning. 

If he was useful he was worth keeping around. Worth trying to nurture this love that grew in his heart for these strangers turned acquaintances. 

And then there was Rushika, and he was alone and scared and he should have never been alone and he felt like a child again and he was pinned down and-

And he was a were-rat now. 

And he was going to be abandoned again because he was dangerous and he couldn’t control it and who would want something like him around them. 

He couldn’t really believe that they still wanted to help him. That they were talking of curing it, of managing it, and his mind and his heart warred with each other. That they’d let him stay in the party, and they’d continue their missions, and they’d start new ones, and they’d deal with the full moon when it got to it. 

It came. And he hurt Cyrus. And when he heard of what he’d done, he was surprised he’d even been allowed to wake up again. 

The journey to the abandoned city was a pure fight with his thoughts. Alone, scared, his waking hours were spent keeping watch of his friends, and he was thankful for the daylight but terrified of the night. Hating that the time they could spend together was brief, because they needed their rest to deal with the nighttimes. 

And that even when the full moon was over, they were still in it. Still spending their nights dealing with a were-rat. Dealing with him. Dealing with a burden. Kehaar was dead. 

At least he could be of some use. Could spill the limited magic he had into keeping Willabuck upright, that with lycanthropy came immunities and he wasn’t having to heal himself as much. 

Could sacrifice himself to keep them safe. To know they were locked in a room, and that they had hunters traps guarding their entrances, and he was simply about to add to the danger in the castle. Even as he tried to face down a ratking (had it even been about to attack or had he simply assumed?) leaving him broken and bloody and limping downstairs. 

Because if it was going to kill him he’d take it away from the people he loved and give them the best chance for survival. He’d rather martyr himself than risk hurting them. At least he wouldn’t know about it, as the lycanthropy took over and he lost himself to the darkness again.

[wyntereyez]

Apologies; I'm about to vent. Feel free to give this a pass if you don't want to read.

My family is driving me CRAZY.

It's been about a year since I've seen them in person, and they've started to nag me about visiting - in two different locations, might I add; my siblings are in Michigan, and my Dad is in North Carolina.

And they all insist I should go to them.

It's like they don't grasp (or don't care) that this will cost me. A lot. There are select flights that are about $100 for limited dates, but a lot run $400-500. I'm supposed to skip work and spend money to go to them.

My Dad is driving me nuts because he and his wife have come down to Florida a couple of times since he moved. Not once did he tell me, when he was somewhere it would be cheaper to see him.

And my siblings... well, my sister, really. She's very domineering, which makes her a good nurse, but a frustrating younger sibling. She has three young children, so I get why she doesn't travel. But she wants me to come up to Michigan and get a hotel (of her choosing, because she wants to take the boys to a hotel pool. They'll even pay for a couple nights. A couple.)

So...she basically wants me to fly up and stay in a hotel. And since it's a hotel with a pool, it would either be one far from everyone, or one in the middle of nowhere that can't even get food deliveries.

I would be stuck in a hotel, or would have to rent a car to drive around in a city that has nothing to do, and only see the people I came to see when my sister decides.

Um, no? For that kind of money, I could take a trip I want, and not be at the mercy of people who want to see me but don't actually want to hang around with me.

And they just don't understand why I have a problem with all this.

[purplesurveys]

1750

Think back to yesterday, what were you doing around this time? I think I was just playing a game on my phone, taking breaks in between to baby Cooper and squish his cheeks.

What was the last thing you watched on the TV? The music video of 3D. :)) The song is really catchy but holy shit can it stand on its own without the rap. I almost immediately preferred the alternate version and am so grateful they decided to make one.

Do you think pets can get annoying easily? Uhhhhh, no. Pets can get annoying on occasion, but if you're easily irritated by them then maybe you're the problem...

Did you know that pickles have no calories? No, but I also don't have any strong feelings about learning this because I don't even like pickles haha.

Do you enjoy family get togethers? It depends on the side I'm seeing. I always enjoy the food lol but I have different relationships with different relatives, and there are certain sides that I can much more easily vibe with.

That said, my family's dynamic definitely falls under the Filipino stereotype of my dad's side typically being more boring, and my mom's side being lots of fun to be with (for the most part).

In a group of three, do you often feel like the third wheel? I mean, it depends on who the other two are. I am louder around certain people and quieter around others.

What color are your pants? I'm not wearing pants but my current shorts are purple and white.

Is there snow on the ground where you are? No.

What is keeping you warm right now? Nothing, actually, even though I'm feeling increasingly cold. I should get my blanket soon.

Has anyone bought you a piece of jewelry? Yes, a previous significant partner and a close friend.

How far away is your next birthday? Seven months away.

Do you have plans for that birthday yet? Not really yet. I don't start planning on what I want to do until the start of the new year.

When did you last take a shower? This morning.

Have you ever been to the Grand Canyon? Nope, I've never seen it.

Have you ever flown somewhere alone? No and I don't know when I'll ever have the courage to do so haha. It feels so daunting! I don't even think I'm ready to travel on my own yet.

Are you more serious or funny? I definitely try to be more lighthearted but I know when to be serious. Work drains me enough during the day so I like to let loose once I'm out of that headspace.

Is there someone that annoys you but you haven’t told them? Eh no one annoys me these days other than, like, certain celebrities that I have muted on social media anyway so that I never see them.

When is garbage day in your area? Wednesday.

Who/What was the last thing to really irritate you? My brother acts like he's king of the fucking world and never does any chores. The untended pile of laundry we had earlier was irritating me to no end so I just folded everything so that that part of the house can look neat again, even though I'm already in charge of a couple of other chores.

I feel like he thinks he gets a pass because college life is supposed to be exhausting, but it feels like such a funny insult to the 9-6s my sister and I have, lmao. In any case, I ended up enjoying folding the laundry because I found it therapeutic after my long day.

Do you think people either love or hate spongebob? At least from how I see it, most people love Spongebob either for its nostalgic factor, the timeless memeability of the show, or both. I fall under the category of loving Spongebob for both of those reasons.

The people I know who aren't interested only feel that way because they didn't grow up watching the show, but they don't actively dislike it.

Have you seen that new “Lie To Me” show? I've never even heard of that. I love the 5SOS song that shares the exact same title though, hah.

What is something you’d rather be doing right now? I'm perfectly content where I am right now.

Do you find that people are too hard on you? No, but I'm sensing that it's about to be that way soon. I don't want to talk about it now though.

Do you take surveys often? I wouldn't say so, but my activity does come in bursts. It'll be radio silence for most Monday-Fridays, but I might take 3-4 a day on weekends.

Do you tend to slam things around when you’re mad? Sometimes, but I wouldn't call it a habit. I wouldn't want it to be one.

Do you know anyone who hates/dislikes chocolate? I don't think so. I don't dislike chocolate per se, but I tend to avoid it because I find it too sweet.

Could you vote in this last election? Yes; I've been voting since 2016.

Have you taken a shower today? Yup.

How much sleep did you get last night? Around 7-8.

Do you have more girl friends or guy friends? Girl.

What is your current mood? Relaxed, happy, content.

Is there anything on your mind at the moment? How I'm in a really uncomfortable position but I'm too lazy to move around. Also thinking about how much my back and neck hurts, and my stomach is also beginning to feel upset most likely because of how I wolfed down that samgyupsal earlier lol.

Are there any movies out that you’d like to see? Oppenheimer, but I'll save that for when my dad's back home so we can watch it together.

Have you ever been on a website called Stickam? No, I don't think I've heard of it either.

Have you ever hated yourself? Yes. I don't anymore, but I did, and it wasn't a good place to be in.

Are you hungry? No, I am VERY full hahaha.

Did your parents ever ground you? Yes. At the time I had actually been very surprised that they did, considering 'grounding' isn't at all a thing where I live. Anyway, I had gotten in trouble on multiple occasions both for swearing and having horrible grades, so my parents would take away my laptop for indefinite periods.

Where was the last place you went out to eat? This Greek place where I had a Very Corporate Lunch with my workplace's CEO (aka my new boss from here on out), Bea, and one of our clients. I felt sick the whole time. Why am I even in this position? I don't care for corporate talk. Can I go back to being a manager who is more hands-on with the dirty, day-to-day work?

Have you ever felt like you needed a better life than the one you have? Better isn't really the word for it. Maybe 'more fulfilling' is more apt, and I'm definitely feeling that way now.

Do you own an MP3 player of some kind? No, not anymore.

Do you have a moment in your life you wish you could replay over again? Yes, Yoongi's concert. I think of going back to that time at least once a day. Every time I remember I've seen a member of BTS I always break out into a stupid giggle and feel like I'm floating on air for the next half hour haha. UGH I LOVE YOONGI BRING HIM BACK TO ME

Have you ever been in a play? If so, did you like it? I mean I guess, in my first school, but it was always a class performance where we'd do a song number. No, I never enjoyed those mandatory performances.

What is one musical artist you wish wasn’t making music? Chris Brown. I wish everyone can just start ignoring him.

When was the last time you cleaned something? Earlier tonight when I mopped the floor, tidied the dining table, and washed everyone's dishes.

Have you ever been so sick you had to be taken to the hospital? Yes, on two occasions.

Do you like your smile? Yes. :)

Do you have someone that you think truly understands you? Sure.

When was the last time you doubted yourself? Yesterday at the aforementioned lunch. My feelings at the time were like 20% doubting myself, 80% openly acknowledging within myself that, "holy shit, I CANNOT fake it til I make it here. Everything they're talking about, from next year's contract and the company's profit is making me want to vomit all over this table."

Is there anything currently bothering you? Yes my entire back is killing me and I just need a masseuse who'll use my back as a punching bag for five hours straight.

Would you say that you’ve got something ‘special’ about you? I think about that way about myself and everyone. We all come with our own charms.

Who was the last person to cheer you up when you were down? Jin.

Are you scared of what you do not know? I'm past that point already, considering what I've been able to survive before. I just enjoy going with the flow now.

Is there anything in the next six months that you’re looking forward to? Leaving my jobbbbb. I've decided to stay for the time being just so that I can avoid looking like an asshole who leaves as soon as she gets promoted, but resignation actively hangs in my mind everyday because the more I get settled in my new job, the more resentful I get.

Were you/are you popular in high school? I was in the inner circles, but I hated being in the spotlight so I still preferred to be the wallflower in my groups.

Do you really care what people think about you? No. I have other things to think about.

Do you find yourself treating others like you’d want to be treated? Not always. I will snap sometimes without meaning to and it always makes me feel guilty and self-reflect at the end of the day, but in general I do my best to go about every day thinking of two things: treat people the way I'd want to be treated, and that I never know what people are going through at a given moment so just be fucking nice.

Are you constantly envious of others? I genuinely cannot tell you when I last felt envy.

Are you more of a whiner with things or a do’er of things? Doer. I'll grumble within myself but it's not like I have a choice for the most part so I just go ahead and do Things.

List three of your favorite TV shows: Breaking Bad, Friends, Descendants of the Sun.

Would your friends say you’re a relaxed person or stressed? STRESSED, lmao. They will be the first to tell you that, for sure.

What do you find yourself worrying most about these days? How well I can adjust into my new role at work. Maybe I'll get into it more another time, but it's 11 PM on a Friday night and mulling over work feelings is the last thing I want to be doing.

Would you say it’s hard to earn your trust? It's easy for me to trust people and just as easy for me to take it away.

Who was the last person to compliment you? Coleen.

Anything interesting happen this past week? Sure, but it's not the good kind of interesting.

When was the last time you felt scared? Wednesday, when I had to go through multiple unfamiliar roads to get to my destination that day.

What’s on your mind this very second? How I want to skip the current song that's playing, anddd I just did.

Do you know the difference between ‘your’ and ‘you’re’? Yes.

Do you correct other people’s grammar/spelling when talking to them online? Never.

Is bacon one of your favorite foods? I love bacon, but it's not my favorite.

Are you one of those people who like to sleep in on the weekends? No. I'll barely sleep during weekends since it's my only time to do normal life things really.

Do you like things vampire related? Eh, just Twilight.

Have you ever cussed at a parent or teacher? Nope. I've sworn around my parents, but not at them.

When was the last time you saw snow? I've never seen snow.

Have you ever felt stupid after saying something? Yes.

Do you find yourself cold at the moment? Not anymore; I turned off the aircon for now since the cold had been getting too uncomfortable earlier.

Are your nails currently long? Yeah a little bit and I'll have to cut them soon.

Are you the kind of person who does not like talking about their past? Certain remnants of it sure, but I'm generally an open book.

Do you have long slender fingers or short chunky ones? My fingers are long and slender and I loveeeee them.

Do you think your foot size fits your body type? I guess so. My feet are really tiny hahah I'm like a size 6.

Are you the competitive type? Yeah, in every sense of the word. I mean I've gotten better at handling losses but I still like to treat most things like a race/contest; it's just a better mindset for me to be in to be motivated to do my best.

Are you more of a mommy’s person or a daddy’s person? Dad's girl.

[bedlamsbard]

⭐ for the fanfic director's cut -- author's choice!

Let's talk about seven months post-Snap Grand Central Terminal + Stark Tower/MetLife Building! Seen in Horizon 14.

Natasha had been in the main concourse of Grand Central Terminal before. Even at three in the morning it had never been as empty as it was now, completely deserted except for a couple of stray pigeons that stared fearlessly at the Avengers as they passed by. Bars of thin winter sunlight slanted in through the sixty-foot arched windows on the east wall, illuminating the marble floor and striking sparks from the four-sided clock on top of the empty information booth. The departure boards above the closed-up ticket counters along the south side of the concourse were still illuminated, reading CANCELLED – CANCELLED – CANCELLED on every line. None of the station’s usual Christmas decorations had gone up even though Thanksgiving had been two days earlier; the station had already been closed then, with no civilians allowed in. Police tape blocked off the stairs to the north entrance. Somewhere far in the distance she thought she heard the rumble of the trains traveling through the empty station without stopping, but it could have been her imagination.

She had seen pictures of the concourse in the immediate aftermath of the Snap, not to mention the famous TIME magazine cover that had come out a week later: a little girl knee-deep in drifts of black ash, holding a doll and staring in incomprehension, the American flag huge behind her. From the pictures Natasha had seen the concourse floor had been blanketed in ash; the Snap had struck at rush hour, and the station had been full of people. It had become one of the most iconic images of the Snap in the United States.

The eerie emptiness of the place made the back of her neck prickle. The steps of the Avengers seemed to echo overly loudly as they crossed to the escalators on the north wall, standing still and silent and blocked off with more police tape. The engraved marble arch above them read STARK TOWER 45TH STREET.

I really wanted to dig into the visuals of post-Snap America, partially because, well -- I think in a very real way Horizon was my way of coping with the 2020-2021 hellscape. For this, I went and looked up the vast array of spring and summer 2020 photographs of New York City, specifically for Grand Central and the MetLife Building. (There's a neat post here with a slider that has pictures/video of pre/post covid New York.)

For some reason I didn't make the connection that the interior of Grand Central got smashed up in The Avengers (you see the four-sided clock bouncing as a leviathan crashes into it), so there's actually no acknowledgment of that in this scene, but we are talking about Marvel so it would probably get rebuilt exactly like the previous version.

The police taped-off stairs are another covid detail, though I've also put the police tape across the escalators leading to Stark Tower (source -- this one also has an "a day in Grand Central Terminal" video.)

Canonically, Stark Tower is the MetLife Building with the top whacked off and the Tower built on top of it, so the sign that IRL says "MetLife Building" says "Stark Tower"

I've gone off the assumption that the building's official name is Stark Tower, not Avengers Tower; the latter is a nickname, but not its actual name. That's why they're used near interchangeably throughout Horizon.

Natasha's description of going from Grand Central to the MetLife Building (a.k.a. Stark Tower) is as accurate as I could make it, because you know what? apparently you can't videotape inside the MetLife Building so the walkthroughs I found all got cut off when a security guard intercepted the videographer. My big divergence from canon is that I used the MetLife Building's lobby, not the Stark Tower lobby that we see in Endgame, which was filmed in a completely different building in Atlanta. This was specifically because I wanted to use this:

The glass storefronts of the shopping concourse on the ground floor stared emptily at them, most with the signs removed – Rhodey had been right, very few tenants had remained by the time the tower had been sold. A few had still been open until the Snap, and printed or handwritten signs on the locked doors and windows read variations on TEMPORARILY CLOSED – CLOSED DUE TO STATE OF NEW YORK MANDATES – CLOSED 30 DAYS SEE YOU JUNE 1. Through a window Natasha could see a glass-fronted refrigerator in one café, the shelves fully stocked with food and beverages except where a soda can had exploded.

MORE SPRING/SUMMER 2020 DETAILS, FRIENDS! The description of the untouched refrigerator with the exploded soda can is a detail borrowed from a friend of mine who actually works in Midtown Manhattan; she got a LOT of questions from me and walked her phone around the exterior of the MetLife Building for me at one point. The "see you June 1" sign is a real sign that I can't find a picture of right now. (In the original covid version it was, I think, April 1 or May 1.)

I have never actually been to Grand Central or to the MetLife Building (the last time I was in New York was in, I think, 2003), so I tried really hard to make it accurate; I don't know if it actually is. But I was trying for a very specific vibe that I should, I think, be familiar to us. I looked at a lot of photographs, I read a lot of news articles, I wracked my own memory, I watched a lot of vlogs about New York from that year.

[ozma914]

Covid Keeps Quarantines Coming

  I'm not even sure how to start when it comes to Covid. As a writer I'm a professional smart-ass, but with this I got my ass kicked, and didn't feel too smart about it.

Illness or injury traditionally accompany our vacations: Last December Emily and I came down with the flu when we were supposed to visit her family and friends in Missouri. This year we decided to head down on a Thursday.

On Wednesday we started to feel a little ... off. By Thursday morning we had to call it--we couldn't risk giving her father whatever bug was now traveling with us. It wasn't until Friday night that we began to suspect the modern medical boogieman, Covid. We missed the trip, we missed Saturday's Holiday Pops concert, and I felt so bad I couldn't even write. By the time it was done I had to contact my editor at History Press to push back our deadline for the Haunted Noble County book, because I'd planned to use half of my vacation to work on it.

The only question left: Could I turn it into a funny blog?

It doesn't LOOK like 102 degrees.  No. No, I could not.

The only thing we did was marathon the TV show The Expanse, and unsuccessfully try to listen to Good Omens on audiobook. (We kept having to go back when one or another of us fell asleep.)

You know, watching TV and reading books wouldn't be such a bad vacation. The problem is that for the first couple of days we were unable to enjoy anything, and in fact we were too sick to sleep. You heard that right. Over that first weekend I, who can't function on less than eight hours of sleep, stayed awake for twenty-fours straight. Even Nyquil wouldn't put me out.

Then, for a week after that, we were too sick to stay awake. That was the period during which we kept having to go back and decide what we remembered last from the audiobook.

"It was Agnes Nutter and the book, wasn't it?"

"No, it was Adam and the Them meeting the dog."

(We were both wrong: It was Crowley terrifying his house plants.)

I took this photo of Emily at the same time the one above of me was taken. She's in there, I swear.

 

Part of it--let's face it--is that I'm no spring chicken pox. When I was in my early 20's I once rode the back step of a fire engine to a mobile home fire on the edge of town--while running a fever.

This truck, specifically. What an awesome truck.

 A couple of years later I rode a different engine to Kendallville, to a tire fire so big it could have been seen from the International Space Station, if there'd been one at the time. I was coughing up junk that looked like it belonged in an alien invasion horror movie, despite never getting into the smoke. Yet there I went, for twelve hours. Our Chief later ordered me to go home and go the hell to bed.

 No more.

 It's not just that Covid is bad. My normal temperature runs around 97.6, and by the time it hit 100 not only could I not go to a fire, I couldn't pick up the TV remote. (Thus the marathon of one show.) It reached 102 at one point. My skin kept trying to crawl away to somewhere cooler, or so it felt.

Emily was running about a day behind me, so I had the pain of knowing what she was about to go through. She's still got a terrible cough weeks later, while mine is just awful. We were like the grandparents in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, just laying there in a lump. Christmas preparations? Hah! We'd bought a new, pre-lit tree, but we never even got a chance to fluff out the branches, let alone decorate it.

I kinda like it like this, though. Yes, it's black.

I was so sick--brace yourself for this--I lost my appetite.

I can count on one hand the number of times I've completely lost my appetite, and I was in the hospital for most of those. I dropped six pounds. This is not a recommended diet.

The moral of this story is, of course, don't get Covid. We didn't mind at all being quarantined, at least not until the chocolate ran out. (Everything tasted salty or metallic, except chocolate.) Other people in this area passed away from it, so we count ourselves lucky now that we're feeling 50% better.

Yeah, I'm exhausted all the time, but I work nights--I was already halfway there, anyway.

Amazon:  https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B0058CL6OO

Barnes & Noble:  https://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/"Mark R Hunter"

Goodreads:  https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/4898846.Mark_R_Hunter

Blog: https://markrhunter.blogspot.com/

Website: http://www.markrhunter.com/

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Substack:  https://substack.com/@markrhunter

Tumblr:  https://www.tumblr.com/ozma914

Remember, books aren't effective as masks, but they're great for quarantine.

[steveskafte]

SPIRITUALISM People often ask me about ghosts. Since I spend a lot of time with derelict human history, I'm assumed to have contact with that secret, supernatural side of things. People will point out shapes in windows from my photos, and suggest that they represent a spectral figure. I'm forced to point out that I know better, and it's just a curtain, chair, reflection, or other corporeal explanation. I've received requests from TV programs and podcasts centred around "ghost hunting", and turned them all down. We all want to believe we're not alone, but it's too easy to manipulate feelings of isolation and loneliness for cheap entertainment – and I'm not inclined to encourage those who do so for my own advancement. If I were willing to play that game, I'd be making the big bucks by now. I've got all the applicable elements already in play, with years of experience as a photographer, and an encyclopedic knowledge of all the creepiest places in my county. It would take just a couple simple changes for me to put on a show. Some well-executed edits could easily convince thousands that I've been regularly encountering the dead on my travels. I could do more of the work with my writing. Maybe I'd start talking about noises I'd heard, unexplained creaks, bumps, or thumps in the shadows. Heck, I could straight up say I'd started hearing voices, and those who didn't declare me insane could be convinced I'd been entertaining spirits. There are plenty of ethical reasons why I wouldn't engage in that level of manipulation. But beyond the obvious concerns, I'm already wary of the power in suggestibility. When I was growing up with the dramatic spiritualism of my youth – born again, holy roller, filled with the holy spirit, whatever you might call it – I watched countless people succumb to the peer pressure of shared experience. Of course, you could argue that anything they think they felt, they felt indeed. After all, what is the difference in the final result? Nothing immediate, I'd say. Somewhere down the line, however, you might start attributing those moments to a gift or power in the facilitators. Those churches, pastors, or visiting speakers rarely placed adequate concern on what was ghost and what was man. Those discussions were seen as distractions from the moment. It's been seven years since I last sat through a service, but not a week has passed without a visit to a church. Some sit unlocked, some abandoned, and one I have the keys for. Wherever I wander, I go inside and sit in a state of silence. I've never felt any kind of buzzing or shiver up my spine. Sure, I've got all that glorious sensory input – the smell of old lumber and musty carpet, the warmth of sunlight, the feeling of raw wood on my skin. That impacts my thoughts, and improves my state of mind. If this exact experience was ever followed by a seemingly supernatural occurrence, well, you can be sure I'd talk about it. But I won't presume to describe anything I haven't seen or felt for myself. If that was a criteria most ghost hunter folks followed, I suspect that their twenty-four episode seasons would be shortened to twenty minutes of content. I've never been interested in telling people what to believe. It's not my job to say that "ghosts aren't real" or to claim that they are by some abstract definition. I'm only good at sharing stories compiled underfoot. You know by now how it goes – one half history, and one half me. I'm driven by the solidness of gravity itself. Hammer of my soles on the floor underneath, solid walls restraining. While I grapple with the intensely abstract nature of emotional expression, all I'm seeking is a way to share it better. I've found it almost impossible to have meaningful revelations vicariously. It's like writing romance novels when both the reader and writer have never been in love. Humans function best with personal context, and I won't provide a context for someone else if I'm missing my own. October 27, 2023 West Dalhousie, Nova Scotia Year 16, Day 5829 of my daily journal.

[nyxelenios]

*·.✴ modern au: shopping district.

Last Legacy: Main Three (Fictif Games)

❕: short post with headcanons, mention of taxidermy, unedited

nyxelenios: I Don't Know What I'm Doing. feel free to add to the list or alter them, they're just headcanons anyway :D

You work as a barista at a cute little coffee shop, owned by an elderly couple, located in a shopping district. It's a beautiful alley, all colors of the rainbow and in-between. During the day, banners and streamers decorate the streets. At night, beautiful lamps and lanterns light up the shopping district in such a way that it looks beautifully otherworldly.

You love the look of the district in the late afternoon, especially when you see your favourite people pass by or come into the café.

Felix, the keeper of the bookstore next door, likes dropping by whenever you're at the coffee shop. He likes ordering a mug of the shop's original blend and some of the sweet pastries made by the owners of the shop. Sometimes you wonder if that's all he eats when he stops by.

When you visit the bookstore, it's decorated with many trinkets. There are precious stones, feathers, and, er, bones. And you swear you've seen a taxidermied cat somewhere in there. But when you actually go in, you find out the dolly eyed tuxedo cat is real.

The cat blinked when you stepped closer to it, making you jump ten feet in the air. Felix caught you, then laughed when you voiced your thoughts about his cat named Stella. Since your first visit, Stella has been more active, and prefers the coffee shop's counter over the bookstore's.

Sage is the all-around worker in the district, working in one store one week then to the other one next week.

He's a handyman too, bringing out ladders, tools, and equipment when needed, fixing up sprinklers, light fixtures, and plumbing (with reluctance), carrying crates, boxes, and huge furniture sets anywhere the people ask him to.

The kids love hanging out with Sage. You can see the little ones run up or down the streets wherever he is. You're glad vehicles don't enter the district often with just how much the kids love running around.

You've been warned by Felix about Sage and his notorious flirting. "He even dared to ask me if I wanted to find out if the carpet matched the drapes. He was shirtless the entire time he was in my store."

The first time you met Sage was when he came into the shop for a break from the kids climbing him like a tree. He went up to the counter looking dead on his feet, but he had perked up the second he saw you handling the front of the store.

"What a refreshing sight we have here~ You new to the district, darlin'?" "Yes, sir! Welcome to Coffee from Porrima." Sage kept flirting with you for ten minutes, but you entertained him. How could you not? His lines were both cute and hilarious.

Then Stella jumped onto the counter, sitting between you and Sage. The cat lovingly headbutted you, and you turned your attention to her. Sage glared at the cat, then turned to glare at Felix when he heard him snickering.

During your shifts, you notice a familiar face. By that, you've been seeing them every time you work the store's counter. She's beautiful, very beautiful. Warm skin, bright green eyes, and a gorgeous smile. You notice her hair is styled differently everyday, simple yet it seems to make her natural beauty stand out even more.

She seems to love the photo albums from the shop's bookshelves. They're pictures of the shopping district and the coffee shop itself over the years, the old couple's photos of their travels, pictures of the staff, and the like.

You bring up her order to the counter one day and decide to be brave, and talk to her, "I've been seeing you every time I come to work here. And I see you like browsing the albums." "Yes! They're lovely, this entire place is wonderful. It's like a different world here. Oh, where are my manners. I'm Anisa."

It's refreshing to have Anisa around, she's like a breath of fresh air compared to Felix and Sage. But imagine your pleasant surprise when you find out they were friends from childhood.

You found out when you witnessed them bickering? talking? in front of an auntie's flower shop. They were just...so loud. Oh, the poor flowers, and the poor woman who had to listen to them...

Anisa had lightly hit the back of Sage's head, which surprised you, but he just started laughing. Felix, on the other hand, said something under his breath, and Anisa pulled him into a tight embrace.

When they were catching up at the coffee shop, you overheard that Anisa had flown back in a month ago to live with her mother, after settling things with her father who lived on the other side of the country. She had been coming over for almost three weeks now.

It's a mystery how Felix and Sage hadn't recognized her, given that she had been coming over to the district almost everyday since she had flown back home.

© nyxelenios, 2022

[genshingarbage]

I’m so happy I found this blog! Can say with confidence I’ve enjoyed reading all the post I’ve seen ♪ ~ ƪ(˘▽˘ƪ)

I was wondering if anyone could do Hcs of the boys seeing the reader beginning to side with the Tsaritsa or the abyss twin ( either works lol) On their plans against the devine? Maybe they found out while helping the traveler. Could be as bad as them being betrayed by us joining the enemy or somewhere inbetween

Hello beehbeeh!! I'm sorry if you wanted Mod Diluc to join in on this one but I've taken the helm for this ask~ Feel free to ask or request something specifically from them though if you want. Thank you for enjoying all our posts so avidly! It's been a lot of fun seeing your name pop up so much hahah. Buckle in for some angst, there will be tears unfortunately my dear Traveler. - Mod Kaeya

!!! Reccomending this song for these oneshots but I have included songs specifically for each character if you’re interested just click on their names!!!

Diluc

It had begun with a small comment from you after Signora had left Mondstat, Everyone was on edge and concerned about Stormterror and the battles to come and yet admist it all there's a mutter from you

The words weren't enough to warrant a confrontation but unfortunately his haywire mind began to become suspicious of one of the only people he found close

Jean had confided in him after work hours she suspected a mole was in their ranks

It was too horrible to be true but he relented to his instincts in the end when he woke up one early morning and saw your figure treading away in the brush of the forests

He keeps on pretending of course, pretending it’s not you and that everything was okay

“Once I catch that mole they will pay their just due.”

I don’t think he’ll ever truly accept the fact you’ve bretrayed them

He finds himself reaching for impossible, implausible excuses trying to cover for you, begging and pleading mentally that somehow someway that it wasn’t you

You’ve lied to his face so many times without knowing it now

Every lie is like a tear in the paper thin barrier around his fragile existence

And yet…everything fell into place so easily

Even as he stares you down, molten gaze scalding into your soul as you stand on opposite sides of the battle field all he feels is agony

it's like watching a hazy dream just out of reach, forever a couple feet ahead but never quite falling out of view

Why

Why had someone so close to him left him behind again

Had he done something wrong? Something that prompted the line of thought that lead you to this?

The churning in his stomach, the tight feeling in his chest like his ribs were beginning to strangle his heart

You may not have been able to tell from his tempered expression but as he rose his sword he died

How could still he care for someone who turned on them on a dime

Every moment after you side with the Abyssal Traveler is agony

He begins to loose himself, he begins to question what he’s fighting for

Waking up every morning and not seeing your face smiling at him to bid him a good day made him realize how much he’d had maybe even how good he’d had it

Diluc will never be quite the same after this

He can’t really ever quite figure out how to cope except for isolate himself even more than before, it’s startling to see him not even bother to so much as see anyone eve more

His voice begins to get Hoarse from lack of and there begin to be rumors of him starting to fall ill

Not even Kaeya finds the will to keep on teasing him

Archons forbid if he kills you himself…he may loose himself completely and utterly.

Kaeya

He'd suspected as such when Childe introduced himself to the traveler and you immediately lent in on it as much as you could, defending him at every turn and even giving the Fatui a pass at some point for shady things they'd done

The captain assumed he'd lost his edge at first, he trusted those around him too much and he won't make that mistake again

Little gestures here and there, putting himself between you and the traveler when you all were bunking down for the night or preventing you from having a say on if we go to sketchy areas

You make another move to get closer to the Abyss Order and more alarm bells go off inside his head. His heart freezes over ever more.

Every step with you now is like a grim conspiracy theory

Every glance from him feels like a blizzard, every conversation with him is an interrogation in the middle of an icy lake that’s about to crack open

He turns that little voice in his head off, that little one still caring for you

Kaeya doesn’t have time for betrayal as heartless and ironic as it is. His hands are full protecting Mondstat for his own reasons.

It still keeps him up at night, mostly for him to turn the idea inside out and mull it over a pint of Death After Noon

Was he paranoid? Why would you support them?

He goes over every and all excuse, outcome much like Diluc, even at some point going to Diluc with a “hypothetical” disguised as misguided drunk rambling

After he does…after too many things keep adding up about you he gets slightly hostile

It reminds him too much of himself and he refuses to be hurt by you

He refuses to care anymore

Seeing Dainsleif even briefly he looses all sympathy for you and buries the hurt under a snarling smile and scathing comments

The Abyss Traveler can shove it as far as he’s concerned, what they’re doing is fucked up and seeing the consequences (mentally or otherwise) it has on the Traveler makes his mind up

If you were going to be cruel and throwaway their trust, throwaway the memories you made with your adventuring party and the love and care for them then fine

But don’t come weeping into his arms because of how cruel he treats you

Kaeya will pay back every ounce of pain and confusion, anger and sense of loss you cause to your party by joining them. He takes it on himself to drown you in every tear shed for you.

He naively thought he’d left every heartless bastard in the world beyond the doors of the Dawn Winery years ago when he’d been adopted and he wasn’t about to humor another

When you look up into his eyes, all you see is the frigid wastes left in the wake of your choice

Albedo

When you confide in him about sympathizing with the Fatui and La Signora he takes it from a scientific perspective

Yes, he supposed supporting what you thought was the winning side was smart at least in the survival sense. Mondstat hardly had enough warriors to fill the ranks of The Knights Of Favonious on a good day and the Fatui and The Abyss Order were so extensive they could spread their influence even into the depths of societies far beyond their borders

It made sense in that regard

He defaulted to seeing it this method, especially when socially he didn’t know what to do

And this was a very serious discussion given the topic at hand

But he couldn’t agree

He didn’t see for example, if the abyss order won why Klee had to suffer, he couldn’t see why his aunt Alice should have to stop adventuring and return home to defend their great city from their tyranny

He tries to be neutral on the surface to you, at the very least but it’s obvious he doesn’t know what to think

The scientist is likely to come back to you a couple days down the line suggesting, albeit in very hushed tones that you don’t mention this to anyone else

For awhile your words are in the back of his mind constantly and he’s just picking them apart, analyzing them, studying then

He finds that…it makes him sad

When he finally talks to you about it in the dead of the night the atmosphere is strange, vibrating with a sense of conflict

This is the first emotional conflict in his life that begins tearing him apart from the inside so to him, it’s so hard to breathe he feels like he’s going to die just from this alone

He doesn’t like this situation, it’s too new, it’s too strange, too heart wrenching

He’s overwhelmed

He’s used to questioning existence, himself and his work

He’s not used to feeling like the person he’s trusted his heart with might leave and only return to fight them in the name of a cruel god

Albedo hates the Fatui, the Abyss Order and Tsaritsa, he decides as you pack your things and leave them

He despises them with all his being

Xiao

Rage, the demons within him whisper sweetly to him

Rage, rage, rage like the dying light

Make all those who have wronged Rex Lapis pay in blood and suffering

Rage like gales ripping the land of boulder and tree

And yet once his aurelian eyes meet your shadowed, focused ones he finds that rage falter

He feels…hesitancy

It’s almost laughable that the care he holds for you is so great it makes even those spirits whirling quiet for hut a moment to observe, pacing like tigers in cages

The yaksha is quiet at your words

“I can’t force you to see how stupid you are. But I will warn you that if we meet each other on the battlefield, I won’t hold back.”

Your…sympathies for them

He can’t agree with their sentiments ever, the fact mere mortals want to steal the powers of gods and make it their own disgusts him and that damn traitorous Tsarista makes his claws itch

The only thing that angers him more is Khaenri'ah and the godless mortals that live within it’s borders

He hates that now when he looks at you, even if you never even intended to join their side, all he can see is the betrayal that could’ve been

All he can see is another threat to his savior

He’s going to begin distancing himself from you, let him

It’s for the best

Differences in opinion haven’t mattered up to this point but this is something far too important to debate over, it effects far too much of your relationship

If the war going on inside him before was anything but violent, the one happening inside him now is a cataclysm

He’s hurt honestly

Just doesn’t understand

He’s hurt, so he responds with anger and biting remarks if he sees you again

“Come to steal my gnosis have you? I’ll have your pathetic soul first.”

Honestly the innocent memories with you sting the most now, he feels a deep sense of corruption to them now

Might berate himself for being weak

And if you join Tsaritsa and her little minions…you’ll know the wrath of war and the sorrow that aches deep within the soul buried in Xiao

Childe

Staring into Childe’s after you share your sentiments is like drowning in tar and the inky black pressure that is the deep sea

He has a smile on his face, bidding you welcome to the Fatui but it feels incredibly fake

The Harbringer says something alone the lines of being thankful someone outside of Sneznaya being so understanding was refreshing though he didn’t really understand why you were

There’s something unreadable about him now

Regret? Mania? Maybe you’re not sure

It’s just foreboding

Even as you visit him in his room in the dead of the night in Liyue Harbor to report your findings to him he’s…off

When you finally make the ranks of the Fatui or the Abyss Order you begin to understand

He’s with you everyday somehow, vouching gor you or somehow protecting you in battle, like a shadow slowly waxing on your life until it’s pitch black

it’s eerie…sometimes you feel like he’s not even the same person

The Ajax you knew, the cocky mischievous soul who’d captured your eye was sometimes buried under a stranger who’d often terrify and drive you away

Once he muttered something about protecting you but you’re not sure

You suppose an accurate comparison to your situation would be a frog sitting in water until it’s temperature had been slowly raised and it cooked to death

Because as soon as you began progressing well into the ranks, moving further and further away from your old comrades the lonelier it felt

Was it worth it?

Ajax seemed to think so, he loves spending so much time with you

And at first you’re inclined to agree at least…until you see the darkness swimming beneath the surface of that lake like scrutiny

Venti

The guy is usually accepting of a lot of things, it’s no different here unfortunately

Or maybe fortunately if you’re one to dream about pigs flying

This can only go terribly

Because Venti will probably carry on as if nothing has changed, whilst dark thoughts continue building up within him about it, they'll swirl and swirl out of control and run him into the ground but he'll keep grinning and sipping his wine

Ultimately he thinks it’s his fault you’ve turned to them somehow, I mean they are hunting the archons, though he doesn’t think you know he’s one

Even so despite his appearances he’s a clever little man hence he never gives any sort of information or hint about archons or dragons or anything celestial of the sort

His eyes are so sad now

Try as he might to hide it, they’re sad. They’re always just a little too wet or a little too adverse to meeting yours

You wandered over to his tree and he greeted you not with emerald joy but with an old soul, a somber, wise look that spoke of complete forgiveness and understanding

The days after his gnosis is taken from him and Dvalin is freed aren’t tense

He just sits quietly with you chatting about some topic that is utterly inescapable and horrifically contrasting the feelings he's suffering inside

It’s painful because he doesn’t respond with anger at what you’ve done, he doesn’t respond with fear he only responds by pulling you into his arms and talks as if nothing has changed

He can't help it though

The little archon can't help viciously defending you when the other question you, he can't help covering up your dirty work and throwing the other archons off some of the Fatui and the Abyss Order's scent in order to protect you

Can't help the corruption seeping in

He couldn't bear you thinking he doesn't care for you anymore because he does

Venti truly, truly does still care for you but he rues the day you'll inevitably have to tear each other apart now

So he's going to prevent that

If it's the last thing he does

Zhongli

Both he and Venti probably take this the hardest even if they won't admit it

He honestly will probably start to distance himself right off the bat unless you and him are immensely close and even then he will act a little colder

The guy won't be outright rude of course because that's just not inherently in his nature

Kind, gentlemanly and genuinely someone with good will has always been the thoughts that come up when Zhongli was in question

But if you reveal to him that like Childe you are apart of the Fatui…you will wake up one morning with the bed cold, the house empty and not so much as a letter as to why he’s gone

You should know why

The old god can’t find it in him to be comfortable or feel safe around you anymore

As much as it hurts the both of you he has to leave and he will never return. In his mind it simply wasn't meant to be, he's not going to humor any attempts at a secret whirl wind romance

You two made a promise between each other

You two were to tell the truth to one another and you've broken that promise

Not only that but you're sort of apart of the association trying to kill him and his buddies so yeah no

He’s given everything to the human race, he has nothing more to give but his sanity and he can’t see anything that mortals can offer in exchange that is worth that

The others won’t tell you where he’s gone, some of them don’t even know and others simply give you a dirty look for even asking

Your adventuring party doesn't like to bring it up because of how tense it gets, you suppose at least one of them has come in contact with him in some shape or form and simply won't take sides

The adepti won’t even show themselves to you and you’re smart enough to not ever visit Wangshu Inn again

It’s been centuries for him since the last betrayal from a human and it still stings just as vividly

Gods it stings it hurts

He doesn't know what to do about it really so he buries himself in tomes and scriptures about the old days, about Guizhong, about anything that can just take him away and keeps adventuring until he's physically forced to take a rest

But that's almost worse because he's trapped with his thoughts now

Did he ever feel pain this vivid the last time he was mortal?

After ages of not seeing him you finally catch a glimpse on the battlefield

Just a glimpse

And he doesn’t even look your way

[may-fanfic]

Don't Take My Sunshine

summary: love like yours was forbidden in the time period, afraid of ridicule that you both could face, you and wanda remain a secret.

warnings: mentions of old fashion punishment

word count: 2,330

masterlist

a/n: thank you for 500 followers! I've had such bad writer's block for the past couple of days but I hope you all enjoy this story.

((feel free to send in any request you may have 💕))

------

She was the sun, bright and warm whenever she wasn't around; your life felt dark and dull. You cherished moments spent with her, even if they weren't long. You knew she was constantly busy; even a second of her time was precious. When Wanda announced in a letter that she'd be around much longer this go around, you were excited when her letter read that she wanted to enjoy every wakening second with you.

Wanda showed you that she loved you in many ways; although the girl never spoke a word of it, you knew the feeling was there. It was too hard to ignore the chemistry that poured out over the two of you when you were around; it was impossible to ignore the pound and burn of your hearts when near each other. Love was a simple thing when it came to Wanda; she showed it in the way she looked at you, held you, and even sent gifts to ensure that you'd known that you were in her thoughts. Even when she was away, Wanda was determined to make sure you understood and remembered the inevitable feelings that you both had for each other.

Wanda often feared that if she had not been around long enough, your feelings would disappear during all the lonely days you'd have to spend without her, so she always went out of her way to make sure you knew how she felt. Words were never enough for her; she could never imagine the words that would seep past her lips could give her feelings justice, so she never tried. She never dared to let her feelings mutter past her lips in fear that you'd think she was being foolish.

You were the only one who truly understood her; she was only herself around you; god forbid anyone found out about her secret, she'd be burned at the stake, but you swore to keep her secret buried deep inside you till the end of time. She trusted with everything she had that you would keep that promise.

When the carriage arrived, you could feel your heart thump against your chest, all the time you spent longing for the woman, and now she had only been a few feet away. You hoped she meant every word she wrote in the letters; the purest form of hope was set upon your shoulders as you waited anxiously by your family's door. You anticipated for her to step out of that damn carriage, nibbling on your lip. You were excited to spend every moment you two had left together, hand in hand as she promised.

But, when Wanda stepped out, she was arm and arm with a man; he looked important enough, he looked expensive. The dress Wanda wore must've cost a fortune; you had never seen such luxury up close. Wanda's lips were painted red; they held a smile until she watched the way yours dropped. You felt like a fool at that moment, staring back at the young couple who stood tall. You couldn't understand the meaning behind all this, so you turned back into your family's home, leaving Wanda and your family to greet each other as you raced to your bedroom.

You were alone, drowning in your thoughts for a moment before a soft knock sounded by your door. You yelled for the person to go away, but they had not listened; instead, they pushed open the door. Your breathing was sharp when you met her gaze, your frown deepening.

"My love, what's troubling you?" she questioned, her voice sweet and gentle. There was a moment when all your anger melted away, and all you could see was her, dressed up all lovely. "what's troubling me?" you scoffed, your eyes watering and your lips quivering as you took a step towards her. "that man!" your voice raised as bitter tears leaked from your eyes.

"darling," she hummed quietly, her hands coming up to hold your cheeks. "It's not like that with him." she smiled down at you, her hands caressing your reddened cheeks, wiping away the droplets that pooled over and damped your cheeks. "He's like us," she reassured, causing the pound in your heart to subside. "oh." you breathed out; a soft giggle burst past her lips.

"I can't exactly travel alone." you knew that women couldn't take a trip without the assistance of a man; you hated that it never crossed your mind; you should've never assumed the worst. "I could never cherish another," she whispered before you could utter out anything else; the woman leaned down and pressed a kiss to your lips. It silenced all the nagging thoughts that made your head spin; all you could feel and focus on was her.

Wanda relentlessly broke the kiss, her hands caressing your face for a moment longer before she ultimately moved away, a tender smile taking over her kiss bruised lips. "We can't stay long; the others would wonder." you stood tall on your tippy-toes, catching her lips in a shorter kiss. It was almost painful to break away from such pleasures, but you knew deep down, wanda was right. You feared the idea of your family finding the two of you; you knew you'd be ridiculed for committing such acts.

----

Your mother was determined to find you a suitable man to marry you off. No matter the number of times you fuzzed and yelled at her that you weren't ready, she never listened. She was prepared to find you anyone to pass you off to, which is why the meetings and dinners occurred. You figured with Wanda as a guest, she'd push aside the thoughts of marrying you, but the idea that wanda found herself a man only encouraged her to find you someone quicker. It'd be a shame to the family name if she were unable to find you a partner.

The man was sweet enough; he was charming even. You knew deep down that he wasn't the problem, but you felt emptiness as you looked at him. It felt like nothing, unlike the swirling fits of emotion you felt for Wanda.

"I would like to marry you." he reminded, a grin taking over his pink lips; you cringed at the thoughts of being his wife, the mother to his children. You recoiled at the idea of having to spend every night of your life sleeping next to him. "I wouldn't." you spat out, giving him a sarcastic smile before taking a sip of your piping hot tea. It burned the tip of your tongue, and as you swallowed down the flavorful liquid, it stung your throat. It brought some form of comfort, the remainder that you could still feel despite the void you felt engulfed you like the black hole.

"Why not? I could give you the life women could only dream of." you could roll your eyes, he had nothing to offer you, and no amount of fortune could ever fulfill you. "I'm in love with another," you stated bluntly, shrugging when you watched the smirk on his lips disappear in the blink of an eye. He could be a devilish shapeshifter with how quickly his emotions alternated.

"So why am I wasting my time then?" you did not have any words for him as you showed him out, grinning to yourself when you were alone. The silence was so pleasing, you could finally hear your thoughts, and they screamed so loud for Wanda. She was all you could think about; you dreamt of her every night, the concept of running off to live with her somewhere filled you with euphoria.

Your mother's nagging soon followed the silence, but you drowned her out, your mind so far away that you could hardly snap back into reality; you were happy in your head. There were no troubles in the paradise that lived within your thoughts.

------

Laughs filled the crisp wind as the two of you walked hand in hand around the field of wildflowers. Nothing could disturb the sanctuary that had been built around you and Wanda. The town was nosy; anyone could spread the news that you found love in a woman, but at that moment, you couldn't care. Wanda turned to you abruptly, her hands laced with yours. You leaned up against your favorite tree, one your great-granddad built in honor of your birth, and smiled up at the woman.

"I could die today and feel so complete knowing I have you." her words filled your ears like music, all too rich. You squeezed her hands, staring up at Wanda with adoration. "I love you." the words seeped past your lips; you had written it out to her so much before, but you never spoke of it.

"I love you a million times more." her words left her lips almost as a promise, a commitment for eternally. You reeled the woman closer until she was only a breath away, catching her lips in a passionate kiss that would undoubtedly leave you both gasping for air. Your jaw would ache, and your lungs would burn, but your heart would fill so full.

A gasp sounded, causing the both of you to break apart abruptly, your heart pounding against your chest, your eyes wide, and your breathing uneven. "Your mother told me to fetch you." the stranger stated, his gaze moving between you and wanda. "I was not expecting to see such heinous things; your folks will be hearing about this," he swore with a look of disgust; you could feel your heart in your stomach when he turned away and began storming back in the direction of your home. You called out for him, moving to chase after him to stop him in his act, but wanda caught your hand, preventing you from leaving.

"It's no use, my darling." she frowned, her hands lacing with yours. "We must try something." you cried for her to figure something out, fix this for the both of you somehow, but by the look on her face, she could not think of anything. The truth was out, and now you'd have to face the consequences of it all.

You dreaded the idea of having to walk into your home and face your family; you knew it would end so terribly. You swallowed hard; your hands shook; it was fear that washed over you; you were bound to face your certainty. You knew you would be told that your freedom to see Wanda was revoked, and they'd force you to marry a man of their choosing, or worse, the two of you would be burned for expressing your love for each other in public, none of this would end well.

The house was quiet, and for a moment, you could've been fooled into thinking the man had never returned to your home and spoke a word of your affair with Wanda. "It'll be okay, dear," she whispered into your ear, but then your father stern voice boomed through the quiet residence.

"What is this nonsense I've heard?"

"Father, I can explain." you tried, dropping the woman's hand and entering the home completely. You felt small under his gaze; you wish you could melt away into the floor and disappear from your father's glare, but you couldn't; you could only stand there in horror. "Wanda, you must leave," he uttered, you snapped your gaze over to look at wanda from over your shoulder.

"I'm not leaving without my beloved." she crossed her arms, standing tall and bold. She had not been afraid of the man; she was not frightened of anything. She'd never let anything stand in the way of her loving you.

"She's not yours to love," he growled; the woman huffed, taking steps forward to grip your wrist. "She's all mine, sir."

"If you do not leave this instant, I will notify the authorities." she scoffed.

"Call who you want; it won't change the fact that I'm in love with your daughter, and I will be until the end of time," she argued, her hand tightening with yours before she pulled you closer to almost protect you from him. "You can't,"

"I can, and I do," she stated bluntly, rolling her eyes when he turned and left the both of you, giving her one more warning to leave. You knew she wouldn't go, but you needed her to leave; she couldn't be here. She could be hurt or killed, and you'd never be able to live with yourself if something happened to Wanda.

"You must go!" you shouted, ripping your hand from hers, watching as pain washed over her expressions. "I will not,"

"He'll kill you," you yelled, causing her frown to deepen. "I'll be happy to die for your honor."

"Go, Wanda! Gather your things and go!" her eyes clouded with tears, and her plump lips quivered. Nothing could ever pain her more than leaving you behind with such troubles.

"But I love you."

"And I do you, but you must go." you reached up, your hands cupping her cheeks softly. "Go for me, my dear." The powers that Wanda tried so hard to conceal had been bubbling up inside her veins, but then you leaned up and left her with a chaste goodbye kiss, and it soothed her long enough to prevent anything from escaping.

"I'll write to you every day," you reassured, wiping away the stray tears that escaped her bright eyes. "That will never be enough."

"It has to be for now."

Watching Wanda leave stung, it felt like a part of your soul and heart had been ripped from you, and now you felt nothing but emptiness; you were alone. Wanda was the sun, and you were a flower; you could never survive without the comforting warmth and brightness that the girl provided; you were nothing without her, and every day until you could see her again, you'd feel as if you were already dead.

[rodeo-boots]

Hi there! Im not sure if I've requested from you before have I?

So I was wondering if I could have a one-shot Sadie/F!ChubbyReader? Something sweet that gets steamy.

I was thinking that it could be the readers having a rough time because she thinks she's unworthy of love and the fact that she's into women makes it even harder.

Take your time, no need to rush~

Feel free to message me if you cant/won't do this I understand Xx

You hadn't requested from me before, btw. BUT I really loved writing this one for you! I hope it's what you've been looking for <3 (I also hope there are no more errors left, I only proofread this once)

Rating: Explicit

Words: 2679

Warnings: NSFW, Low Self-Esteem Reader (Body-Image issues)

AO3

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It was one of the rare occasions when camp was quiet, most gang-members fast asleep as darkness spread over Clemens Point.

You had missed the silence, already used to the rambunctious songs, to the laughter and chatter of the others. Even if those good times never were to last.

These days, it was hard to achieve happiness, to feel even remotely safe, your travels East having shaken the entire group to the core.

And sometimes, you wished you had stayed in the West, had bought land and settled down like you've planned, even if that might not have changed a thing.

When it was quiet, like now, your mind often wandered, drifted along with the sounds of rippling water.

It was nice here, better than it had been up at Colter, but you still felt out of place. And no amount of fresh air or crisp water could change that.

With a sigh, you leaned further against the log behind you, your arms crossed in front of your chest where you sat.

At least in the darkness, no one had to stare at you. Had to see you.

You could just be, with no obligations to be appealing to anyone at all.

Never before had Dutch sent you out to distract any targets, to use your good looks on unsuspecting fools like the other women at camp often did. Because you had none. Or so you told yourself.

Of course it was harsh, of course you had other things to offer. But with a couple pounds too many, with chub around your cheeks and your hips, you didn't feel as attractive as you wished you would be.

You envied Abigail, Mary-Beth, Karen, Tilly... if not for their appearance then for their confidence. And Sadie? Sometimes you wished you could walk a day in her shoes, that you could stop caring about what other people thought and put on some pants.

Though you feared you'd only get stared at more like that.

Time went by without you noticing. Maybe you've nodded off somewhere down the line, the sight of the water gleaming beneath the moonlight oddly tranquil and soothing to you.

Your thoughts continued to roam, continued to shift and flow like the water in front of you.

Occasionally, you'd see a fish jump out of the lake, would hear a nocturnal bird taking flight within the nearby trees. And you yearned to be free like them; free of judgment, of society's standards, and your own low self-esteem.

You wondered if they perceived beauty like humans did, if they stared down at the two-legged, wingless creatures, saw long and flowing hair idly whipping in the breeze, or a freckled face and bright eyes and fell in love.

It would be a loss if they didn't, if they were unable to see what you did – and you decided that maybe, being a human might not be all that bad.

Sure, all you could do was behold the beauty around you. You knew you would never get a chance of something more; knew you couldn't compliment the way Sadie's yellow blouse flattered her figure and receive more than a simple "thank you".

It had always been like that – you, finding beauty in another woman, finding beauty in her voice, the sparkle in her eyes and the way she strutted and sauntered along the way. You knew you couldn't change that, knew that you would never be 'normal', but hell, you didn't want to be. If there even was such a thing as normal.

In the past, and even up to the current day, you've struggled with it. With your sexuality.

You had come to terms with it, of course, but you knew that you only stood out more with your chosen way of life. If your body wasn't enough to keep people away, your orientation might just be, and it worried you, what the others might think should you ever come out to them.

It hadn't been your intention to grow upset, your brain doing it to yourself no matter what you tried to do about it.

So you sat and stared out onto the lake, gaze blank as you simply beheld the beauty all around. Watching, and doing nothing, as always.

The sound of boots upon sand drew you out of your thoughts, your head turning to see a familiar figure approaching.

She was tall, slim, her hair braided beneath her hat. A few strands hung loose, though that only held it's special charm.

"What're you doin' out here?" Sadie asked, sitting down on the fallen tree behind you. She kept a bit of a polite distance, crossing her legs as her elbows rested upon her propped up knee.

You swallowed softly, looked back ahead and out onto the wide lake. "Just thinking," you explained, unable to come up with anything else that might explain you being restless and awake at this time of day.

The other woman hummed, her own gaze trailing over the water in front of her.

It appeared black in the dark of night, only little light reflexes showing the movement of the soft waves.

"Did someone say somethin' again?"

Her sudden words brought you back to reality, the silence between you having stretched for a couple minutes before. It wasn't rare that the less pleasant people at camp upset you over your insecurities, pointed out facets of yourself that didn't need to be addressed.

You shook your head, anyhow. Today, that hadn't been the case. Besides, you never knew Sadie paid any attention to the treatment you received. "It's me," you mumbled after a moment of consideration. "Me who made me feel like crap."

And while you huffed at the words you spoke, they were genuine. Oftentimes, it was you who made your life harder than it had to be.

Sadie pushed herself off the log, plopped down into the slightly moist sand by your side. You watched her from the corners of your eyes, unsure what she was intending to do.

But she didn't do anything, merely sat with you and stared out into the water, thinking about what you had said before.

"I did that a lot," she eventually spoke up, turning to face you. "Guess it ain't the same, but I– sat and thought a lot, too. That never seemed to help." She chuckled, but the sound was rather mirthless, her tone more serious than anything.

You had seen her in the past, had seen her sitting outside of camp, far from anyone else. She's had a broken heart to nurse, had a terrible loss to get over, and in the end she had come out stronger than ever.

"You don't gotta tell me, if you don't want. Maybe it'd make you feel better, though."

Inhaling, you thought about her words, wondered if you would even be able to put your innermost thoughts and feelings into words.

Never before had someone asked you to share them, no one ever having as much of an interest in you as that.

"It's nothing," you tried to deflect, tried to invalidate your troubles in order to not burden Sadie with them here and now.

The woman snorted, however, raised a brow as she looked at you. "Don't look like nothin' to me," she pointed out, not impolitely.

"How about this–" she sat up, her back against the log as she gestured for you to come closer, to lean back against her chest.

For a moment you could only stare in disbelief, though you took the chance now that it was offered to you. It had been a while since you've last been physically close to anyone, after all.

"Comfortable?" Sadie asked. You gave her a nod, your heart racing in your chest and beating within your ears.

Holy Shit. That hadn't been how you'd imagined this night would go.

Sadie wrapped her arms around you loosely, rested her chin atop your head. She seemed content herself, seemed like she had wanted to do that for a long while. The thought made your heart skip a beat.

"I know you think you're worse than you are," Sadie spoke up again, keeping her voice low while speaking to you. It was oddly soothing, her usual rough tone sounding more than just pleasant to your ears. "But you ain't bad. Truth be told, I admire you."

That made you pause, your breath catching in the back of your throat. "Me? For what?"

She chuckled kindly, brushing through your hair to tuck a few strands behind your ear. "For knowin' who you are, and what you want. For stayin' true to yourself no matter what anyone says."

Yet again, you hadn't expected her to be all that perceptive, hadn't expected her to know much about you at all. For as long as you've known her, your conversations had been brief, cut short by your occasional shyness and nervosity. Sadie seemed to have read you better than you ever could've thought.

"I..." you weren't sure what to say, or if you should say anything at all. The woman's arms around you were soothing, almost soporific, though the warmth pooling within you made it hard to consider dozing off.

"I always wanted t'know more about you," Sadie continued, nuzzling the top of your head, her lips brushing over your strands of hair. "Wanted to know more 'bout the beautiful woman who's stolen my heart."

You were sure this had to be a dream, that you had passed out after all and your mind was playing tricks on you by now.

But Sadie felt as real as could be, her hot breath in the nape of your neck, her arms around your waist, thighs left and right of your hips. Whatever you had thought of before, all your insecurities and doubts, it all seemed far away by now.

"Me– Me, too," you brought out, confessing to your feelings without directly doing so. Sadie was more bold and confident than you were, was more brave and straight-forward in your eyes. And just like she had said before, you admired her just as well. But most importantly, you were sure you loved her.

Feeling enlivened by her words, empowered by the warmth swelling within your heart, you turned around, straddled her lap and properly looked her in the face. "I think I love you," you properly confessed, cupping her freckled cheeks like you've wished to do for so long already.

She smiled up at you, keeping her hands on your waist for now as she leaned in, and captured your lips with her own.

The kiss didn't last as long as you've wanted it to, but upon pulling away, Sadie spoke up again; "I know I love you." Her smile grew, your forehead resting on hers when you returned the gesture.

Once your lips had met the first time, you couldn't stop yourself from going in for a second kiss. Your eyes fluttered shut, fingertips gliding along Sadie's sides and down to the hem of her shirt. Now that you knew of her feelings towards you, and were fully certain as those within yourself, you only wanted more.

She reacted in kind, teased your tongue with hers when her lips parted ever so slightly, a moan slipping into the kiss. You weren't sure if it had come from you or her, but that didn't matter much, not when your hands soon met bare skin, fingers gripping her sides while her own ran along your thighs.

"You wanna do this right here?" She asked, leaning back a little to capture your stare.

Slightly out of breath, you nodded. Hell, you didn't care where you'd do this, as long as you could feel her skin on yours.

Without missing a beat, Sadie worked on helping you out of your dress, glancing back, only to make sure camp was as quiet as it had been before.

Even if a few drunkards were still milling about, you couldn't care less, your fingers working on her buttons to relieve her off her top layer, before climbing off her lap to get her pants off her hips.

Naked, you laid back in the sand, invited her to follow you only for her lips to meet yours again. She placed her hat on top of your head, gave you a small smirk as her lips wandered lower, over your collarbone and down to your chest.

Moving boldly, her mouth latched onto one nipple right away, one hand kneading the other breast while she suckled and licked your sensitive bud.

Your breath hitched, spine curving to get closer to her heavenly mouth, your head already swimming without her having done too much just yet.

Soon enough, she had stimulated your other nipple to full hardness as well, laying down on her side next to you, and pulling you in for another kiss. "Let's keep this quiet," she muttered, her fingeres wandering once again until they reached your sex, a hum leaving her lips when she discovered the hot wetness there.

She caressed your folds, encouraged you to hitch one leg up and around her hip while coating her fingers within your slick. Slowly, her fingers circled your clit, made your hips jerk sporadically and your muscles tense here and there.

"Can I?" You had only pulled away from the kiss for a second, glancing at her while your fingers slid down her flat stomach.

"Be my guest," she grumbled, trailing lovebites along your collarbone and up to your shoulder, the small motions of her fingers on your clit steadily driving you insane.

To offer her the same kind of pleasure, your hand soon found the spot between her legs, met with an equal wetness as that between your own. You groaned, teasingly gliding your fingers through her folds before your thumb focused solely on her nub.

She gasped, almost sounding surprised, like she hadn't been touched there in a while, though that only spurred you on more. You wanted her to feel as good as possible, pulling away after another few moments only to propose another idea.

"I wanna taste you," you muttered, fingers disappearing from her soaked cunt as you laid back. Seemingly catching on right away, Sadie climbed on top, straddling your face while hers was right in front of your own crotch.

With the new position, you dove in without a moment's hesitation, held onto her hips and pulled her close as your tongue licked through her folds and up to her nub.

She moaned out, had to have bitten down on her lip to keep more sounds from surfacing before she leaned down herself, and focused on your clit right away.

Besides the sounds of your actions, the occasional slurping, squelching and your labored breaths, it was still mostly quiet, the area belonging solely to you in this moment.

You rolled your hips upwards, chased more of the heavenly feeling of her mouth on you as you felt yourself getting close.

Clearly, Sadie wasn't all that far, either, her abdominal muscles flexing while her thighs tried to squeeze your head, the motions of her tongue growing more desperate the closer she got to her climax.

It was over much too quickly, had been too long for you to hold back at all, your body tensing for a moment before releasing in a rush of endorphins that was better than anything you've had before.

You pulled back for air, slipped two fingers into Sadie's tight cunt to grant her a satisfying release as well, and watched, when she shook and trembled through her very own orgasm.

She rolled off of you after a moment, cursing under her breath as she did so.

It wasn't long before she crawled back up to you, however, before her lips met yours and you could taste yourselves upon each other's tongue.

"You fancy a midnight swim?" She asked when she pulled away, sitting back on her knees and helping you up when you agreed.

[tameila]

Favorite Headcanon Saturday! Trying to spread some good vibes around, so this is your excuse to talk at length about your favorite CR headcanon however big or small. And if you don’t want to, that’s okay! I love the way you engage with these characters and following your blog has made this fandom a brighter and more pleasant place to be, so thank you 💛

first of all, thank you so much for taking the time to send an ask! it absolutely warms my heart that you enjoy my blog and my content. and, consequently, you sent this ask at just the right time. as i lied in bed this morning, awake but not ready to get up, i was ruminating over a particular Pikelan family life headcanon of mine. it's an older one but i'm fond of it and don't think i've ever made a post about it.

so, here we go!

it's been hinted that Scanlan probably has more bastard children than just Kaylie. as the years go on and the stories of him as a Big Damn Hero travel as well as the stories that Scanlan writes and publishes himself, those other children track him down. though, he's not terribly hard to find. ask anyone in Westruun and they'll helpfully point you towards the red brick house on the edge of the temple district.

some of his children worried that, with his new reputation as a hero, Scanlan might not be receptive to their arrival. what if he tries to brush them off? what if he's like,"oh that was the old me but, as you can see, i'm so heroic and grand now. please don't dig up the past!"? they were prepared to put their foot down and demand that he pay his dues as a father.

so, imagine their surprise when they arrive and they're welcomed heartily into the Trickfoot-Shorthalt-Strongjaw home!

with the money gathered from their adventures and the money from his books, Scanlan sees to it that Kaylie and any of his other children that he's able to find/they find him are taken care of in whatever way they desire. Some just want a chunk of his treasure. Some want to go to school or start a business. Some want to pursue a longer, more full relationship with him. Others just want their piece and that's it. Scanlan lets them set the parameters for the relationship, and he does his best to be whatever kind of father they want him to be.

If their mothers are still in the picture, Scanlan also makes sure that they are comfortable and in want of nothing. If he can and if they'll let him.

after some time, Scanlan and Pike have their own children. I go back and forth on how many children that I imagine that they have -- from a big troop to a modest three, but I lean towards the latter (three girls!) with their oldest being the same age as Percy and Vex's youngest. Vex gushes on and on about Pike and her being Mommy Buddies! for Pike, it's nice to have Vex assume a maternal role and help her along with the pregnancy particulars that Pike had never considered beforehand. and it's a nice role swap after Pike was seen as The Mom Friend for so many years.

as you might imagine, between Scanlan's children and his children with Pike, the red brick house is overflowing with guests at Winter's Crest!

and that's exactly how they like it!

as the years go on and all their children (because Pike takes to being a Step-Mom with vigor and all of Scanlan's children are her children too!) fly the coop and go off on their own, the home settles into a quieter place. it's during this time that Pike and Scanlan put all their energy into caring for the aging Grog Strongjaw, best buddy and best uncle, before his eventual passing.

and, for a couple decades, it's just Pike and Scanlan. they see their children at holidays. they have a date night every week, as always, somewhere in downtown Westruun. they travel a bit more to see the de Rolos or Keyleth in Zephrah. their children bring the grandchildren and the de Rolo line brings theirs. they laugh and sing and love loudly and with overflowing passion, same as always. but they are still relatively young gnomes, both of them nearing the middle of only their second century, and it doesn't take long for them to catch each other's eyes and know that something's missing: the home's just a little too quiet.

and that's when they start fostering and adopting children -- from half-orcs to halfings to dragonborns or tabaxi.

Pike and Scanlan Trickfoot have love enough for everyone! 💛💜