days-of-ash

[days-of-ash]

[days-of-ash]

[days-of-ash]

Gonna keep practicing.

A ton of people use procreate. I just need to learn more

[days-of-ash]

Trying to doodle my general mood.

I've been celebrating myself for the last few years.

I don't think many people care for some rambling of a mod, but a few years ago, my grandfather passed away.

Truth is, both my folks took the first flight out to see him, and didn't really give me much to go on. For a couple days, I assumed the worst.

I felt kind of bad, but also, felt alone. It's wasn't that bad, but it kind of felt sudden, but also like, I kind of didn't matter.

Apparently it's tradition to spend a year morning the loss of someone. So I spent the next year taking myself out for a trip somewhere. Did the same thing a couple years later, and more and more.

I managed to bucket list items til I felt satiated of my wants. But now, I kind of run out of things. There are things I still want to do, but it's not because I couldn't. Just that, the more and more I did things on my own. The more I find that, I'm alone In what I like.

I don't mean to be a downer. But I enjoyed drawing, enjoyed gaming, enjoyed traveling, exploring, and learning. I've tried new things, done some puzzle rooms, tried new food, and more.

But most of every time, it felt like I did it on my own. Which isn't bad. You need to take the initiative for what you would like.

I went on a trip a couple months ago, I had a blast. But I also felt like, no one seemed interested. By no means do I mean I'm not at fault here.

I have been distancing myself away from social media, taking pictures, sharing my daily life, and my thoughts only because I felt rather weird by the concept. You share yourself with the world, but the world looks back.

It's always been damming to know, that when the world looks at you, it's never the image you make of yourself. Sure everyone has a mask, but also, they curate the sides of themselves seen by others.

I hated that. I hated having sides of myself seen. I hated looking at people and seeing their expressions twist from what they think off me. I'm not saying that it's a bad thing, but it's a bit shocking to realize you romanticized the person you thought you were. Then you also have people who are strangers, describe you in ways you wouldn't have described yourself.

It's also a bit harsh knowing that, you aren't who you thought you were, and sometimes, you can see who you are turning into. Then again, the fact you can look back and see who you once were.

Does that bother anyone else?

Though it is my fault. I tend to think a little, what did i do for others. I have tried. Make what I could with others. Sadly, I'm not the best at making friends. But it was a solid try.

I guess, it was more so my own little thought. What is it about me that seems to make a good acquaintance, but not a friend you want to spend time with? What is it about others?

All in all. It is what It is. I just felt today is another year to me. And a wonder, what my story would look like.

I do wish I was better. But you gotta try to make what you can, and pick yourself back up! That's how you move forward.

[days-of-ash]

[days-of-ash]

[days-of-ash]

Off u banan hug

[days-of-ash]

I might try this one more time.

[days-of-ash]

Creating new emotions for Inside out.

Seemed like a fun challenge.

[days-of-ash]

You see... I was given an offer to join

I was supposed to draw one word.

I offered chaos...

Them denied for too much violence lol

[days-of-ash]

Creating new emotions for Inside out.

Seemed like a fun challenge.

[days-of-ash]

So I was in a MAP.

Can you tell?

[days-of-ash]

Been asked to be a part of a MAP. I was told a still image for don't and a character.

I have realized my propensity for chaos and stupid is still strong as ever.

[days-of-ash]

I exist... til I get my computer up and running again

[days-of-ash]

truly

[days-of-ash]

It's my 11 year anniversary on Tumblr 🥳

[days-of-ash]

So... do anyone else get someone just jump into DMs just to post a huge wall of text only to block you if you don't do what they want?

I am so confused.