#I've seen a lot of people attempt let it go and no one ever came close

[rootspiral]

Hey everyone, happy holidays to all who celebrate! Thank you for all your asks, I'm getting to them right away. But FIRST, since I've been subjected to Disney songs all day and I'm not allowed to make children cry, let me drop the not that controversial opinion that Lea Salonga should have been the voice of Elsa ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[merrybloomwrites]

Been Here for Days

Summary: You never thought about the dangers of dating a celebrity. But when you get taken by a man who's after Harry's money you're faced with the jarring reality that you're not as safe as you thought.

Word Count: 3.7K

CW: kidnapping, drugs, violence, attempted sa, hospitals

AN: I've read a few mafia AU stories where reader gets kidnapped because of Harry's dark world. So it gave me the idea for a non-AU story in which the reader gets kidnapped, simply for being the partner of a famous and wealthy popstar. I've had this partially written for a while but it seemed fitting to include in Whumptober so I finally finished it up.

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Dating Harry Styles came with a certain level of attention. This wasn’t a surprise to you, and you learned how to deal with it fairly quickly. Harry also did a lot to protect you and try to keep you out of the public eye as much as possible. 

Whenever he did get overprotective you’d remind him that it’s okay, you knew what you signed up for. But he always reiterated that his personal life should be private, and he didn’t want people trying to get more information about the two of you than he chooses to share.

One thing that’s obvious is that no one really cares about you. Not as an individual. They care that you’re Harry’s girlfriend. There’s not a doubt in your mind that if the two of you ever broke up, you’d never have photos posted of you again. 

And you’re fine with that too. It doesn’t bother you that you’re just seen as the girlfriend, mainly because it means people don’t care to go digging and finding facts about your life. Your family has been left alone for the most part, and you can still go out alone without being bothered.

Occasionally an individual will show deep interest in you, and you’ll find a social media account dedicated to you. Sometimes it’s a fan page, sometimes it’s a hate page. You let them be, since they’re still only posting things that are already released to the public. Even these ‘more enthusiastic’ people aren’t really crossing boundaries, since they’re not trying to find private photos or follow you to get photos of their own. 

Or so you thought.

Since spring began, and the weather turned nice, you’ve been making sure to walk to work each day. Ironically, you’d gotten a job in a local bakery. You wanted a steady job of your own while Harry isn’t touring, and this seemed like a perfect choice. You love getting up early to bake and decorate what’s needed for the day. It’s calm, and therapeutic. You mostly work in the back, doing the actual baking, but occasionally you fill in up front at the register. 

Each morning you walk to work as the sun is just rising, and you get home by early afternoon. This gives you time to run errands, do some chores around the house, or just take some time to relax before Harry gets home. He’s been working more in the studio recently, but still makes it a point to get back by 5PM in order to spend a couple of hours with you every day.

You cook a meal together, talk about your days, and often put on a movie and cuddle. It’s the simple things that bring the two of you joy, just getting to end your days together. 

You wake up on Monday morning, and it starts just like the rest. You get dressed, kiss the cheek of a still sleeping Harry, and begin your walk. You have an odd feeling, but you can’t quite pinpoint what it is. You were up a bit later than usual the night before, enjoying some adult activities with Harry, so maybe you’re just a bit tired.

The same feeling is there on the way home. But you’d had a tough day at work with someone calling out, leaving you to try and continue baking while also working the register. 

This feeling continues the whole week, and you continue to make excuses as to why you’re so anxious during your commute each day. But when the next week is the same, you begin to grow wary. Finally, on Thursday of the second week you realize that it feels as though you’re being followed. This thought does freak you out, and you plan to talk to Harry that night at home.

But you don’t make it home.

The weather on your walk back to the house is perfect, if not even a little warm. But you don’t feel it. You feel chilled, and nervous, and you’re glancing over your shoulder every two seconds. You’re mad at yourself, berating yourself for not calling Harry to have him pick you up. You’d convinced yourself it would be fine, and you didn’t want to bother him. But now as you walk alone, sensing another person might be following you, that logic seems incredibly stupid. 

As you’re pulling out your phone to call Harry you hear a noise in the bush next to you. Instinctively, you turn towards the sound. Everything happens so quickly, yet as though it’s in slow motion. A man rushes at you, covering your mouth so you can’t scream and using his other arm to keep you still. 

You try to fight back, but he’s bigger, stronger. Despite your best efforts, he still manages to get a needle into you. At first you feel the pinch of the needle, and then you feel nothing at all, and your world goes black. 

When you wake up, you’re disoriented. You’re in a bed, and while it’s comfy, it’s not your own. The bedroom you’re in is completely unrecognizable. Slowly, your memories come back. There was a man. Who’d probably been following you for weeks, tracking your schedule, and he’s now taken you. 

And not to some basement, or a warehouse or something creepy that you’d see in movies. No, he took you to his home. To a bed. And that feels even worse. You quickly assess your body, and are relieved to find that you’re still in your same clothes, and all you can feel are a couple minor scrapes and bruises, likely from trying to fight the man. 

There’s a window in the room so you get up and peek out. It’s dark, indicating a lot of time has passed. You can’t see anything outside, no other houses, and hope it’s just because of how dark it is. Because the idea that there’s nothing nearby is causing you to panic even more than you already are. 

You check the door, but of course it’s locked from the outside. The window won’t open either. You’re trapped. 

There is a bathroom attached to the bedroom, but no way to escape from there either. It does mean you can take a sip of water and splash some water on your face which helps calm you briefly. 

Taking deep breaths you begin to pace. Your mind spins, trying to come up with escape scenarios, and hoping that someone is figuring out where you are so they can come get you. The sky turns pink outside and you check your surroundings again. 

There’s nothing but a large open field. No biggie. Maybe there’s civilization out the front of the house. There’s no way you’re locked in a house with a crazy person out in the middle of nowhere. 

Tears spring to your eyes but you refuse to let them fall. There’s got to be a way out of here. A way back home. A way to Harry. 

You’re left alone for what feels like hours. You’re a little hungry, but that’s the least of your concerns at the moment. 

Finally, the door opens. You stand your ground in the middle of the room, not wanting to back yourself into a corner for whatever is about to happen. 

Taking a deep breath, you stand up straight, not showing any weakness to the person who took you. 

“Well good morning sweetheart,” he says. The pleasantries, the nickname, it’s all nauseating to you, but you keep your expression unreadable. 

“My name is Roy. I’ve been watching you and your boyfriend. You make a very cute little couple.”

“What do you want with me?” You ask, ignoring how violated you feel at the confirmation that this strange man has been following you. 

“Isn’t it obvious? Money. I want money. Harry seems to be quite devoted to you. I bet he’ll pay anything to get you back.” 

And it is obvious, really. It shouldn’t come as a surprise at all that people would want Harry’s money. But you never expected anyone to literally kidnap you for it. 

“Don’t worry though, I’ll make sure you have food and water and a safe place to stay. Might rough you up a bit, maybe have some fun,” he says as he steps forward and runs a finger along your cheek, causing you to recoil and bump into the bed behind you. 

He laughs at that, seeming to enjoy your discomfort, and then adds, “Of course that may be some good incentive for your boyfriend. I’m sure he’d hate to see anything bad happen to you.”

Your fear amps up a notch hearing this but you keep your emotions off of your face. You’re determined to stay strong throughout this whole ordeal. This man does not get to overpower you, doesn’t get to see you break like you’re sure he wants. 

He steps back a moment later and says, “Just need a quick picture, you know proof of life, proof I have you, all that.” Before you can register what he’s saying he takes out an old camera and takes your picture, the flash stunning you. 

“I brought you a sandwich and some water. It’s all sealed so you know I haven’t done anything to it. Wouldn’t want you starving yourself or dehydrating,” he says as he hands you the items. You take them, confirming they are in fact unopened. 

“Eat. I’ll be back later,” he says before stepping out of the room. You hear the definitive click of the lock but you still double check, just in case it’s open. 

Of course it isn’t, but you had to try. After examining the food to confirm it hasn’t been tampered with you take a tentative bite. It’s good, and that first bite kick starts your appetite so you quickly eat the rest. 

Roy comes back hours later to drop off dinner. He again leaves you alone to eat, and you’re starting to get lulled into a false sense of security. You think that maybe it won’t be so bad. If he’s just after money, then he might just leave you alone and then he’ll get paid and you’ll be home. 

But of course it can’t be that simple. 

Later that evening he comes back in.

“I’m bored,” he says. Just two words shouldn’t be so bone chilling, but you understand the implication. He’s bored and you’re at his mercy. He’s already drugged and kidnapped you. There’s not telling what else he’s capable of. 

By the time he leaves again you're bruised, and there’s blood running from your split lip. He’d thrown you around, hit you hard enough to send you to the ground where he kicked you repeatedly. It was terrifying and painful. 

But you admit to yourself that it could’ve been worse. You somehow convince yourself that it wasn’t so bad, that you’ll recover quickly once you get home.

After another day and a half with Roy, you’re doubting that will happen. You’re doubting you’ll recover. You’re doubting that you’ll get home. The situation has turned from terrible to terrifying. 

You’ve spent three nights in this room, including the one you were mostly unconscious for. Roy’s violence has grown, and now he seems to be changing plans again. 

“These bruises look lovely on you,” he says. It’s creepy as fuck, and indicates that whatever happens next will be awful. 

“While the violence has been fun, there are other ways to bruise your skin. I think I’ll do that today instead.”

After days of beatings you’re too tired to fight back. You lay there crying as he climbs on top of you and pins you down. His mouth goes to your neck and he begins to suck a mark there. Bile rises in your throat and it takes everything in you not to vomit at the feeling of him so close to you, touching you in this way. 

You’re wondering how you’re going to survive what’s sure to come next when there’s a noise. Suddenly the door slams open and nearly a dozen people enter the room. At first you’re terrified that they’re here to hurt you as well, but then Roy is pulled off of you and handcuffed and you realize that they’re police officers there to save you. 

One comes and talks to you, reassures you that everything is going to be okay, but still, you’re scared. It’s too much. Too much noise, and commotion, and people. You’re overwhelmed.

And then one more person enters the room. He looks different, more frazzled with a longer beard than you’ve ever seen. But as he crouches beside the bed and holds your hand between his, there’s no denying that Harry is here. 

There’s a darkness that’s been pulling at you for a while, and now that Harry’s here and you’re safe, you finally let it pull you under. 

You wake up in an uncomfortable bed wearing an itchy gown. There are bandages wrapped on various parts of your body and tubes and wires attached to you. Everything is still hazy, but you know there’s a hand holding yours. 

You quickly and clumsily pull away, not wanting anyone to touch you right now. 

Slowly the world around you refocuses, and you realize the person next to you is Harry. As much as you want his comfort, you can’t bear to have anyone’s skin touching yours. Not when it only makes you think of Roy and what he did. And what he was planning to do. 

Over the next few hours people come and go from your room. Nurses, doctors, detectives, all sharing information and asking you questions. 

But you say nothing. You don’t respond. You lay there, watching with a blank expression. Someone brings in food for dinner, and you eat just enough to make them happy before pushing away the tray and curling further into your blankets. 

The next day is much the same. They bring in a trauma counselor and though she’s a kind woman, you still say nothing. 

And it’s not that you’re upset with, or mad at these people. They’ve done nothing to you. But there’s this block in your mind right now. You’re so exhausted from the whole ordeal that it’s taking everything in you just to eat food and drink water and get yourself to and from the bathroom. 

Another two days pass and your doctor is in the room talking to Harry. He tried speaking to you but still you’re unable to find your voice. 

“Medically, she’s well enough to go home,” the doctor says. “Her injuries are healing well enough that I’m ready to discharge her.” 

You perk up a bit at this news. You miss home, miss the big comfy bed with the big windows. You miss your garden, and how peaceful it is. Hearing that you might be able to go back to your house with Harry has you more alert than you’ve been in days.

But then the doctor adds, “However, I’m concerned by her mental state. She still hasn’t said anything, and she barely lets anyone touch her. It’s important that her bandages get changed regularly and I’m worried that she won’t allow you to help with that. So until that changes she’ll have to stay here.”

Your heart drops at that. The despair you feel has you finally breaking through and suddenly you say, “No. Home.”

They both look at you and Harry quickly moves to the side of your bed. 

“What was that, baby?” he asks. He looks hopeful and you know that he’s just happy to hear you speak again.

“Home. Please,” you state. It’s hard to talk, full sentences being something you can’t do yet. But you get your point across and Harry looks at the doctor to see what he has to say about this advancement. 

Your doctor comes closer as well and asks, “Will you be okay with Harry helping you at home? He’ll have to touch you to properly clean and bandage your wounds.”

You nod, but you know that alone won’t convince them. Even though it takes a lot of courage to do this, you reach out your hand and grab Harry’s. He gasps at the contact and quickly laces your fingers with his. It feels foreign, and you hate that you no longer feel comfortable holding hands with the person who used to be your safe place. 

Apparently that was the right move, though, because you’re discharged by the end of the day. You get wheeled out, and Harry helps you get from the chair into the car that’s there for you. There’s still an overwhelming part of you that wants to flinch away from his touch, but you tell yourself that he needs this. He needs to be able to help you. 

On the drive, Harry informs you of the updated security the two of you will have. It’s weird to know that there will be people watching the house at all times, but you admit to yourself that it makes you feel better. 

Once you’re finally home you breathe a sigh of relief. And then you get to your room and the exhaustion hits again. 

You sit down on the bed and Harry moves through the house, doing all kinds of things that he thinks will help you. His nervousness is obvious, and you want to tell him you’re okay, that he should relax.

When he focuses on you again he asks, “What can I get for you? What do you need?”

“Bed.” 

“You’re tired? You want to get ready for bed?”

“Yes.” 

“Okay, we can do that. Let me get you some clothes and then we can go brush our teeth together. And I’ll bring up some water and maybe some food in case you wake up hungry since you didn’t eat too much dinner before we left the hospital,” he rambles. It seems that he’s trying to make up for your lack of words by speaking more than usual. 

Harry grabs the clothes and walks over to you. It’s clear that he’s about to help you up and so you quickly stand and walk to the bathroom before he has the chance to touch you. You hate seeing the pain in his eyes at your rejection, but you’re just not ready yet. 

After getting ready you climb into bed. It’s so soft, so comfortable, and so familiar that you quickly fall asleep. 

You wake up with a jolt, your heart racing as the images of your dream race through your mind. The worst part is that it’s not just a made up nightmare, but the memories of the nightmare you actually lived. 

“What’s wrong?” Harry asks and he reaches out a hand to comfort you. He quickly pulls it back when he sees the way you eye it with fear and trepidation. 

“I can go,” he says. “If you’re uncomfortable with me in the bed I can stay in the next room.”

Immediately you panic at the thought of him going anywhere. “No. Stay. Please. Just, don’t touch,” you reply.

He nods and the two of you sit there in bed next to each other. You begin to cry and Harry fights back tears of his own. 

After a few minutes Harry says, “They wouldn’t let me pay the ransom.”

You turn to him, confused for a moment. And then you realize that he’s explaining why it took so long to get you out. 

“When I got the message from…him. I showed it to the detectives who were here and told them I’d pay immediately so I could get you back. But they wouldn’t let me. Said it would set a precedent and put you in even more danger. Make you a target. That if I listened to this crazy person’s demands and gave him what he wanted, more people might try to take you to get money as well. I hated knowing that they were right. That I couldn’t do the one thing in my power to help you without making life riskier for you. And I hated that you being with me put you in that position in the first place. Y/N, I am so sorry that this happened to you, that it happened because of me.” 

His voice breaks and you sit for another moment absorbing what he’d just said. You didn’t realize before, but now you know that you were mad at him. You were mad that it took so long for them to get you. But everything he said makes sense to you.

And as horrible as the experience was for you, it was awful for him as well. He looks just as exhausted as you are, and though he didn’t deal with the pain and terror that you did, he spent days filled with anxiety and fear and guilt. 

You lay down on your back, looking up and trying to silently send him a message. Once he understands he lays down as well. Slowly, one inch at a time, you shift closer to him. Finally, you turn and lay your hand on his chest. He brings up his hand and places it gently on top of yours.

The touch no longer feels foreign to you. It finally feels comforting again. Building up courage, you move again, lifting your head until you can place it on his chest. This time he doesn’t hesitate, but quickly wraps his free arm around your shoulders, holding you close to him.

For a moment you panic, feeling trapped by him. But then you take a deep breath, inhaling Harry’s distinct smell, and you relax into his hold. 

“I forgive you,” you say quietly. Harry lets out a sob and you squeeze his hand reassuringly. After a moment he controls his tears and regulates his breathing. 

“I love you. So much,” he says.

“I love you too,” you reply.

You know that this isn’t the end. There’s a long road of recovery ahead of you. But being able to lean on Harry, to trust him fully again, you know that you’re going to be okay. He’s going to be there, he’ll help you on the bad days and celebrate the good. 

He begins to quietly sing, filling the room with his familiar and comforting voice. He lulls you back to sleep, but stays up for a while just watching you, reveling in the feeling of having you back in his arms, home where you belong. Safe and sound once again.

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AN: Thank you for reading!

[literaryavenger]

New Year's Eve

Summary: A game of two truths and a lie reveals to the team a fact about the you that Bucky can’t seem to stop thinking about.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Avenger!Female Reader

Warnings: Minimal use of Y/N. Language 'cause why not. A lot of fluff. My poor attempts at being funny. Mutual pining, idiots in love. Self-deprecating thoughts.

Word Count: 3.2K

A/N: Happy New Year's Eve! Thanks for all the messages when I was sick, I'm finally feeling better and I'm negative for Covid! I really wanted to post something for New Year's Eve and this came from a fever dream I had when I was sick, lol. I hope it's any good and someone enjoys it! A particular thank you to @ordelixx for helping me with this story!💘I've only started posting here about a month and a half but I'm really enjoying it and feeling more and more comfortable in my writing. I hope I'm also getting better at it. Anyway, I have big plans for the New Year that I hope you'll enjoy! This year hasn't been great for me, but I'm planning on working harder than ever to make sure the next one is a year I can be proud of. I hope you guys have a nice last day of 2023 and an amazing start of 2024! Love you all.💘

Masterlist

“Ok, your turn, Kill Bill. Two truths and a lie, go.” Tony says, referring to the fact that you fight with swords, making you roll your eyes before you join in on the laughter.

“Ok, uhm...” you try not to look at anyone so you don’t give away the answer “I have a teddy bear that I sleep with, I have bungee jumped from the top of the tower and I’ve never had a New Year’s kiss.”

You look back up to the room and wait for their guesses.

It’s a Friday night and the people that remained in the Tower for the holidays decided to have a little game night.

Every year the same people stay around, having nowhere in particular to go, and spend Christmas together. 

Clint and Scott usually spend this time with their families, this year Thor decided to go to New Asgard with Bruce and Loki to visit Val and Korg, and Peter decided to spend it with aunt May and Happy.

You usually alternate between going to visit your family and staying in the tower each year, and this one was your turn to go to your first home.

You came back the day after Christmas, never being one to miss Tony’s New Year’s Eve party that’s gonna happen in two days now.

“Well, we know she has a teddy bear.” Wanda says.

“Do we know that?” Tony turns to you, narrowing his eyes. “Do you have one?”

“Yes, she does, we’ve seen it” Natasha answers for you while you glance at Bucky, praying he doesn’t put together that they’re talking about the teddy bear he gifted you for Valentine’s Day this year along with flowers. 

Natasha and Wanda were more happy than you when you told them, sustaining that he did it because he liked you until you pointed out that he gave flowers to them too, because he’s sweet and a gentleman and that’s just who he is.

They wouldn’t let up on the fact that neither of them got a teddy bear though, and you would have agreed with them but Bucky never really did anything else about it so you decided to let it go and not read too much into it.

You're brought back to the present by Tony.

“Ok, so she has one. Then it’s gotta be the New Year’s kiss, everyone has had one at least once in their life,” he was looking at your reaction very closely while talking, but you did your best to keep an easy smile and not give anything away.

“Even Captain Virgin over there had one last year.” he adds vaguely waving towards Steve’s general direction. 

You crack at the nickname and at the undignified sound Steve made while blushing and glancing at Nat that shared that kiss with him.

“Tony, there’s no way that she bungee jumped from the roof without us knowing, that’s gotta be the lie.” Sam interjects, also watching you closely for any signs of a reaction that you manage not to give.

“Alright, just take your guesses, people.” You say to the group.

“New Year’s Kiss.” Tony all but yelled, Natasha and Wanda agreeing with him.

“Bungee jump.” Sam says and Steve and Bucky agree, then they all seem to hold their breath as they wait for your answer.

It’s not a surprise that even these stupid little games cause a lot of competition amongst the team.

“Neither.”-you finally said and let out a laugh when they all groan in annoyance while taking their shots for guessing wrong.

“WAIT- you bungee jumped off the ROOF? When?!” Steve seems more concerned than anything.

“Well, you know a few months ago when we happened to all be on different missions at the same time?” They nod, not knowing where you're going with this “Clint and I came back first from ours, we were bored and there was no one around to stop us from doing anything stupid so…” you trail off, shrugging while laughing. 

Steve looks shocked, Sam is laughing his ass off while Tony immediately goes to look for the security footage.

They all cheered while watching you throw yourself off the roof, Clint's yells and laughter could be heard, and then Steve shakes his head while joining you in the laughter when you see Clint take his turn and scream like a little girl while you fall to the ground laughing on the video. 

Once you all composed yourselves, Tony pokes Wanda’s arm “I thought you said she had a teddy bear.” he's looking at her like she brought him on a treasure hunt and then betrayed him and left him for dead on a deserted island.

“She does! She got it from-” you interrupt her before she can finish the sentence, blushing a little and avoiding Bucky’s eyes.

“I do have a teddy bear, I just don’t sleep with it.” you say, shrugging.

“Oh, come on, that’s cheating!” Natasha whines.

“It’s really not, just because I do have one it doesn’t mean I didn’t tell a lie about it” you laugh at her pout.

“Wait a minute, so you’ve never had a New Year’s kiss?” Tony looks at you like you suddenly grew two heads.

“It’s not a big deal. Funny thing is, I have had boyfriends during New Year’s Eve, I just never happen to spend the day with them.” you say absentmindedly while thinking back at all the parties you’ve been to over the years to celebrate the new year.

“Really?” it's so quiet you almost missed it, your eyes snapping up to meet Bucky’s that were already looking at you.

“Is that so hard to believe?” The room seems to go quiet as everybody looks at you two, but you're too focused on each other to notice.

“I didn’t- I mean…” his cheeks started to turn a little pink as he seemed to have trouble finishing his sentence “It’s just you’re very pretty, who wouldn’t want to kiss you?”

You didn’t know what to say to that, you start blushing too while opening and closing your mouth a couple of times, looking like a damn fish.

You settle for a quiet ‘thank you’ with a smile that he shyly returns, neither of you noticing the glances passed by everyone else.

The whole team is convinced that there’s something between you and Bucky, but both of you always deny it and don’t seem to read too much into each other’s actions, always dismissing the glances and lingering touches as friendly affection even though you’re not really that close.

But really what else could it be?

The team lets the moment end and the game goes on, everyone keeps drinking and having fun until it gets really late and you all decide to call it a night.

Bucky goes to his bedroom and gets ready for sleep but he can’t seem to focus on anything else but you.

He really doesn’t understand how can anybody see your pretty self when you’ve just woken up, no makeup and your eyes full of sleep and not want to kiss you, let alone when you are all dolled up in a pretty golden dresses like you do every New Year’s. 

Every year it gets harder for him not to just grab you and kiss you, hell every day is pretty much torture to see you around the Compound and not get to be with you the way he wants to.

But he has to keep his hands to himself because there’s no way you could actually like him like that. 

He’s even tried to drop hints here and there like giving you the teddy bear for Valentine’s Day but, except for the cute shade of pink that your face turned, you still didn’t seem all that interested.

Still, that didn’t stop him from thinking what it would be like if you did like him and fantasize about being your first New Year’s kiss and maybe even your last first kiss.

At the same time you were in your own room getting ready for bed while your own thoughts kept going back to the moment you shared with Bucky in the living room. 

You didn’t know if you were more embarrassed because you actually told the team you’ve never had a kiss on New Year’s Eve or happy because Bucky called you pretty.

If it was anyone else you wouldn’t even think twice about it, but coming from him it just felt like you were being complimented for the first time ever. 

Everytime you thought about it you felt all warm and fuzzy inside, and at this point the moment was pretty much on loop in your mind.

The more you think about it the more you feel your face heat up, sleep not coming easily as you slip into Bucky filled dreams.

The next day everybody’s hanging out in the living room, most of them nursing a hangover from last night. You get ready for a last minute shopping trip to try and find a new dress for New Year’s Eve.

When you get to the living room you see Steve grinning at a disgruntled Tony, Wanda, Sam and Natasha who are obviously very hangover and nowhere near as amused as the blonde supersoldier. 

Bucky’s attention is on you as soon as you're in his field of vision and no one fails to notice it, except you of course, your own attention on Wanda and Natasha sprawled on the couch.

“Well, I was gonna ask you if you wanted to come shopping with me,” you start watching from one to the other, as amused as Steve at everyone’s inability to contain themselves when drinking. “but I don’t think that’s happening.” 

“Bite me, YLN.” Is all Nat says.

Wanda, on the other hand, is a little gentler. “I can come with you, if you want.” she says sweetly.

“That’s okay, Wands.” you smile at her “just rest and drink lots of water.”

You turn around, saying bye to everyone and making your way out. As soon as the doors of the elevator close, everyone turns to Bucky that's not even pretending not to be staring anymore.

Not that anyone could ignore the longing look on Bucky’s face as he watches you walk away.

“Buck,” Steve starts talking, glancing at everyone before setting his gaze back on his best friend. “we need to talk.”

“Okay…” he slowly drags out, unsure if he even wants Steve to keep going.

“Well, we’ve been noticing some things lately…” He’s unsure of how to say this. “Between you and Y/N.”

Bucky’s cheeks start to turn a slight shade of pink, but he’s still not sure where Steve’s going with this so he says nothing.

“So we thought” he gestures around at everybody. “that maybe we should-”

“We know you like her, and we want to help you get with her.” Tony interrupts Steve, quickly getting to the point.

At Steve’s glare, Tony merely raises his hands in surrender saying, “Listen, Capsicle, I’m way too hungover to take the panoramic route. Let’s just get this over with.”

“Yeah, Stark’s right.” Sam says, turning Bucky whose face is fully red now. “You have a weak ass game, man. Let us help you.”

They all look at the brunette supersoldier while waiting for his answer. He chews on his lip while looking at the expectant faces of his friends, before letting out a deep sigh.

“How would you even help me?” He says quietly, neither accepting nor denying their help just yet.

“Well, we know Y/N,” Wanda says.

“Yeah, we can tell you what turns her on.” Natasha smirked, before Wanda flicks her ear making her let out an ‘ow’ with a slight pout.

“What she means is,” she glares at Natasha “we can tell you what she likes, you know. Maybe help you get closer to her.”

Bucky shakes his head lightly “This is not a good idea. And it doesn’t even matter if she doesn’t like me.”

Wanda and Natasha seem to have a silent conversation, ending with Natasha raising her eyebrow at Wanda and Wanda just sighing with a soft ‘fine’.

“She does like you.” Wanda turns back to Bucky.

“She’s just convinced that you don’t like her like that.” Natasha says with a roll of her eyes.

Bucky still wasn’t completely convinced, but he agreed nonetheless. Maybe it was the glimmer of hope the girls gave him, but if there was even the slightest chance you could actually like him, he owed it to himself to try. 

So he let the team make a plan to get you guys together, hoping to god he wouldn’t come to regret it.

You come home a few hours later, super excited to have found the perfect dress for the party the next night.

Bucky thought you were just so cute, all smiles and giggles.

Wanda and Nat talked you into having the last girls night of the year, although it didn’t really take much convincing.

And so the plan begins.

You’re relaxing on your bed, Wanda lying next to you, your head on her lap, and Nat sprawled on the love seat near the window close to your bed.

You’re wearing bathrobes, sheet masks on your faces as you watch a cheesy romcom that you’re so embarrassingly into you don’t even notice the girls exchange a look and nod at each other.

Wanda clears her throat and then begins talking, as casually as she can. “So, how come you never told us you never had a New Year’s kiss?”

They had to approach the subject somehow, right?

“I don’t know,” you say absentmindedly and then shrug, your attention still on the Tv. “didn’t think it was important.” 

“Sure it isn’t.” Nat said, and her tone took your attention away from the movie for the first time since it started.

“What’s that supposed to mean, Tasha?” she simply shrugs, an innocent look in the face.

“It doesn’t mean anything” she says, her attention seemingly on the movie “I mean, if it doesn’t bother you, it doesn’t bother me.”

“Why would it bother me?” you frown, you don't understand what's so weird about this.

“Well, some people might find it a little…” Wanda trails off.

“Sad?” Natasha ends for her.

“It’s not like I’ve never kissed anyone.” you're starting to get a little defensive.

“We know that, sweetie.” Wanda coos, stroking your hair while you look up at her.

“We really didn’t mean anything by it.” Natasha ends, giving you an apologetic look.

“Yeah, whatever.” is all you say, and you turn your eyes back to the tv, your attention nowhere near it.

Natasha and Wanda can basically hear the gears turn in your head and give each other one last glance. 

Part one of the plan is complete.

The next day goes through like usual, the team spending basically the whole morning together.

It’s a tradition, having the last breakfast of the year together, watching the last movie, having the last lunch and so on. Doing all the lasts together.

It’s silly, but it’s a tradition you've all come to be very fond of. 

The afternoon comes and you and the girls spend it getting ready for the party, last night’s conversation almost forgotten.

Almost.

As you got to the party the music was deafening before you even stepped out of the elevator and, once you did, you were immediately immersed in a sea of perfume and cologne and, like every other Stark party extravaganza, you didn’t know about 98% of the people there. 

You quickly find the team, as outgoing as most of them are, you usually spend most of the night together because it’s the last night of the year, last party and, again, it's your tradition.

You talk, you joke, you laugh but the more you drink the more you keep thinking about your conversation with the girls last night.

Was it really that sad that you’ve never started a new year with a kiss?

Midnight came sooner than you would’ve liked and your teammates decide to ask you a sobering question.

“So, who are you kissing?” Tony asks very casually.

You turn around confused, the team’s eyes all on you. “What are you talking about?”

“Oh, nobody told you?” Sam says, looking around him “We’re all kissing someone tonight.”

“I- You- What?” you glance towards Bucky so quickly he almost thought he imagined it.

“Well, Romanoff is kissing Rogers, I’m obviously kissing Pepper and Wanda is kissing Wilson.” Tony said, before specifying while pointing at the last two “As friends, obviously.”

“So, you’re all kissing someone?” You look at everyone except the one person you actually want to look at.

Something inside of you just believes that he would nod too and a beautiful woman that you could never compare to would appear at his side.

“Well,” Steve starts. “not all of us…”

He trails off and, following his gaze, you land on the very pair of blue eyes you were trying to avoid.

Suddenly everyone else scatters and it was just you and Bucky. You don't know what to say, but you feel like you can't look away from him now.

What the hell is happening to you?

You’re talking before you can even stop yourself “You know, we could also kiss. As friends.” you add, realizing what you just said, your eyes wide with your own surprise.

He’s about to say something, but you don’t give him a chance to get a sound out before you’re backtracking so fast you might actually fall out the window.

“You don’t have to. Obviously. It’s not like I’d make you.” you chuckled awkwardly, but you can’t stop yourself from rambling “Unless you wanted to. But why would you want to? It’s not like you’re missing anything. I’m not anything special.”

You can hear the countdown starting, but it sounds distant to your ears as your heart pounds faster. “I mean, I’m sure you’re a good kisser. Why wouldn’t you be? Not that you’re like a lady’s man.”

Bucky glances around him, the team giving him encouraging looks as they near zero and you just keep going “But like you were, you know. Not that it’s a bad thi-”

You're thankfully interrupted abruptly by Bucky’s lips on yours just as everyone yells ‘Happy New Year’ and gold and black confetti starts falling down on you.

You can't even begin to comprehend what's happening but your body does, kissing him back almost immediately.

It feels like forever and also too soon when he pulls away, you can't even hearing the chaos around you anymore.

All that exists is you and Bucky and his eyes and his arms around your waist and yours around his neck and his lips that you wanted to kiss again and kiss forever and never stop.

“You have no idea how long I’ve been wanting to do that” he says after a few seconds. Or maybe days. Weeks? Hours? It doesn’t matter.

All that matters is the bright smile he gives you when you say “Me too.”

He kisses you again, but this time the spell is broken by the team’s whistles and cheers. 

When you pull away you’re both blushing a little, you glance around you and see all the smug faces of the idiots you love to death, Bucky’s attention never leaving you.

“And by the way,” Bucky says, gaining your attention once more. “you have more qualities than you think,” he then pointed at your chest “You have this.”

You looked down to where he was pointing before saying “I do have great tits, yes.”

When you looked back at him he was blushing even harder and looked like he was having a hard time maintaining eye contact, while you were more relaxed now that the kiss took away all the awkwardness, but trying hard not to laugh. 

“... I meant heart” he said after a few moments of silence.

“Either or.” you answered, shrugging and when you heard the snickers of the team around you, you couldn’t help but join them, followed by a still blushing Bucky.

Yep, this year is definitely gonna be an interesting one.

[evilbihan]

Bi-Han was a good brother.

(original post here) I came back only to make this a seperate post so it shows up in the search and Bi-Han's tags again.

I think about this scene a lot.

People like to use Bi-Han's behavior here as an excuse to paint him as a bad brother and instantly assume that he always treated Tomas that way because of one mean thing he says to him in the entirety of the story mode, intros included.

It's almost like siblings never argue and say horrible things to each other that they later feel bad for. Personally, I believe this is the first time Bi-Han ever snapped at Tomas like that, for a multitude of reasons.

Smoke doesn't hesitate to talk back to Bi-Han, he doesn't seem intimidated by him at all. If Bi-Han were to really constantly put Tomas down and say hurtful things to him, he would be more hesitant to provoke him and avoid confrontation as much as possible. But he doesn't.

Of course, every individual is different but take it from someone who has grown up in an abusive household. If someone regularly insults you and belittles you, you're going to start walking on eggshells around them and that's not what Tomas does around Bi-Han at all.

Smoke's expression here displays hurt, anger and confusion. That's the face of someone who just got a reaction he did not expect. His body language would be different if he was used to hearing things like that from Bi-Han. He wouldn't look so surprised if he heard that whole "Lin Kuei blood" speech before. He also doesn't lower his eyes, doesn't flinch... nothing that implies Bi-Han ever talked to him like this on other occasions.

Kuai Liang's silence in this scene speaks volumes too. He doesn't try and defend Smoke, doesn't tell Bi-Han his words are uncalled for and he doesn't interrupt him either. I believe Kuai Liang was just as surprised as Tomas was by Bi-Han's sudden harsh reaction. Furthermore, there is literally no reason for him to step in.

Brothers argue, they get angry at each other. Anger is a normal human emotion and snapping at someone when you're angry doesn't make you a horrible person.

Let's talk about this scene next.

I feel stupid for even mentioning this take here because it's the silliest, most ridiculous and wildest thing I've ever seen but a surprising amount of people with flat-earther mentalities cling onto it, so even though it's obviously bs, let's debunk it once and for all.

Honestly, the first time I saw a post claiming Bi-Han kicked that rock on purpose to kill Smoke I had to re-read it twice because I couldn't believe someone would actually believe that and expect to be taken seriously.

If Bi-Han ever wanted to get rid of Smoke, he could have done so a million times already. He could have banished Tomas as soon as he became grandmaster.

He also could have aimed better.

Here's what actually happened:

Both brothers rush to the edge to check if Smoke is okay. Both are worried about him. If Bi-Han never cared about Tomas he wouldn't even have bothered coming over to see if he's still alive. He would have done the only reasonable thing in this situation, which is keeping an eye on Nitara who just attacked them.

Yes, the rock comes loose as soon as Bi-Han steps closer to the edge but that's entirely accidental and Bi-Han's surprised expression proves it.

You can see the exact moment his eyes say "Oh sh*t" because he briefly looks at the rock and instantly back at Tomas. He looks concerned, not pleased with himself like he just commited a clever murder attempt. He even reaches out as if to stop the damn rock.

He wanted to save Tomas.

It's disgusting how some people try to twist this moment into anything other than that.

Are we also going to ignore the subtle way Bi-Han puts himself in front of Kuai Liang, bracing himself while Kuai Liang flinches backwards during Nitara's attack?

What about the fight against Ermac? Bi-Han almost died, fought an insanely powerful being and his first instinct is asking his brothers if they're unharmed.

I've seen someone argue that he "only asks them if they're fine because he needs them for the mission" to which I say, they were fine. They literally looked fine, no blood on them, no scratches. Tomas didn't even go anywhere near Ermac and Bi-Han still checks on both of them.

We all know what happens next.

Yes, Bi-Han scars Kuai Liang as a way to punish him for his disobedience. Would a good brother do that? No, but a good grandmaster would. Is it fucked up? Absolutely. But again, Kuai Liang seems shocked, hurt and angry by what his brother did, just like Tomas before. Neither of them ever taught Bi-Han capable of something like that, indicating that while flawed, he was a good brother prior to his descent into madness.

When the fight starts, Tomas doesn't even try to step in. He only gets involved after Kuai Liang is injured. He wasn't expecting Bi-Han to go that far. It was a surprise to both of them because Bi-Han never once hurt them before.

As a side note, punishing his warriors for disobedience was certainly not something Bi-Han came up with himself, but rather something he was taught was acceptable by either his father or other Lin Kuei elders, but this post is meant to only focus on canon facts and what we see on screen so I won't elaborate on that here.

In a twisted way of a peace offer Bi-Han still offers a hand to Kuai Liang after scarring him and actually expects it to be accepted. He wants his brothers to join him, he wants to share the glorious future he has planned out for the Lin Kuei with both Tomas and Kuai Liang. Yes, he may be in the wrong but he wants them both on his side.

He wants it to be them against the world. He never intended for it to be him against them.

So far, that's it for the story mode.

Sadly, we never got to see what the relationship between the brothers looked like before Bi-Han gave in to corruption but the intros give us a pretty good idea of that still.

Mileena: "My bond with Kitana can't be broken." Scorpion: "I'd once thought the same of mine with Bi-Han."

They used to be close. If Kuai Liang really thought his bond with Bi-Han was unbreakable, there must have been good in Bi-Han before his frustrations led him to make all these bad decisions. Had he been some kind of abusive monster as the fandom constantly claims, they would have never been close to begin with. The brotherly love between them might be gone now but that doesn't mean it was never there.

Smoke: "Are we to be enemies for life?" Sub-Zero: "Unless you submit, Tomas."

Tomas doesn't want them to be enemies. Yes, he says Bi-Han has always been cold with him in another intro, but cold does in no way equal cruel or abusive. Bi-Han had valid concerns about Smoke's loyalty to the Lin Kuei when Tomas lost his family because of the clan. If anything, Bi-Han not trusting Tomas only shows he was protective of the Lin Kuei and worried that Smoke would end up wanting vengeance one day.

If Bi-Han ever hurt Tomas before, Tomas wouldn't be going out of his way to reunite the brothers, even asking for Liu Kang's help to do so. He says he can't forgive Bi-Han for letting their father die and yet he wants him back in his life. If Bi-Han had always been a bad brother why would Smoke want him back? Shouldn't he be relieved it's just Kuai Liang and him now? Instead, he's heartbroken that Bi-Han and him are now enemies.

Sub-Zero: "Resist me, and there will be consequences." Smoke: "And to think I once idolized you."

Tomas used to look up to Bi-Han. Who would look up to a genuinely horrible person? Absolutely no one. And for Bi-Han's part of the dialogue, he keeps warning his brothers, telling them to submit, to stand down, to not resist or try to fight him. It means he, too, doesn't want to fight them or hurt them.

Scorpion: "A shadow's fallen on your soul." Sub-Zero: "No, brother. I've seen the light."

What more do you need than this bit here as proof that Bi-Han didn't always use to be like this? Shadows only exist where light is present too. There must have been light in Bi-Han before said shadow corrupted him.

Both Kuai Liang and Tomas only resent Bi-Han for two things. Letting their father die and breaking his oath to protect Earthrealm. Nothing else is ever brought up.

At this point I think it's safe to say it's canon that Bi-Han was never abusive or a bad brother towards either Kuai Liang or Tomas.

That's it.

No headcanons, no what if's. No bullshit, just facts.

The only time Bi-Han hurts Kuai Liang is after he reached his breaking point and snapped and they're both equally ready to fight and hurt each other by then. Kuai Liang is even the one who draws first blood. Does that make him abusive too? Not at all.

[topherwrites]

FIC RECS: TOP GUN: MAVERICK - 2!

Okay, so there was shit I forgot in my year in review rec list. I posted it and a minimum of about 10 other fics immediately came to mind. so, part 2! I also didn't put many WIPs on the first one, but I think currently in progress fics should get some love too. I'll be marking them with an asterisk.

If I made a little comment about every single fic or series here, it would be inhumanely long, so I've refrained from doing so and have just put the summaries for each.

I hope that anyone who reads this list finds something that they love on it just as much as I do! Happy reading!

P.S. If I missed anyone, I'm sorry, there was a lot to sort through!

(P.S.S. reblog the fics you like, it makes writers happy.)

part 1, if you missed it.

SOME OF THESE ARE 18+, PLEASE HEED THE INDIVIDUAL WARNINGS!

JAKE SERESIN

Parking Lots and Matcha Lattes by @withahappyrefrain

In an attempt to get coffee, you meet a grade A asshole whose head you want to rip off. Meanwhile, Jake Seresin is pretty certain he just met his future wife in the parking lot of a coffee shop. AKA Jake Seresin likes mean women, pass it on.

The Hangman Special by @hangmanssunnies

On a night out with your friends at a fancy cocktail bar, you are just trying to keep your head down and ignore the girl that your ex cheated on you with. The night only seems like it's going to get worse when you are dared to kiss a stranger at the bar. However, it seems like the odds might finally be in your favor when you notice a familiar set of broad shoulders. If you can be convincing, you think you might just be able to get your brother's friend Jake "Hangman" Seresin to help you out with your little problem.

*she is both hellfire and holy water by @chemistryread

you should take it as a compliment, that I'm talking to everyone here but you.

Birds Away by @wombtotombx

You’d known Jake since you were kids, bonding over the shared experience of being military brats overseas. You were the perfect pair - he was reckless, you followed the rules; he didn’t care what others thought, you were a people-pleaser. You both became the best of the best in your field - he through sheer talent and skill, you from demonstrated grit and determination. For over two decades, everyone around you - parents, friends, even teachers - had assumed you’d both end up together, despite the fact that somehow, you never did. The Navy always had its way of keeping you two apart. Whatever possibilities there might have been, it was just never in the cards. Until you got to Fallon.

*The Backup by @ereardon

No strings attached sex never works, right? You and Jake Seresin have fallen into a bad pattern of seeking each other out for sex after dates go awry, but a year of being friends with benefits with Jake hasn’t been good for your dating life. Especially when the two of you are hiding your antics from your lifelong best friend Coyote and the rest of your tightly knit friend group. But what happens when you decide to take a step back and end the cycle with Jake to focus on your dating life? And why is it that all of the sudden Jake looks more irresistible than ever when you know he’s off limits? 

Take Care of Business by @honkytonk-hangman

The last time you met Lieutenant Jake Seresin, the war was still ongoing and you’d been in a floundering engagement. Back then you’d seen the possibility for more in his eyes, and now? Well, now you could explore it.

When Jake Met Polly by @/honkytonk-hangman

Jake likes to flirt with his Air Traffic Controller or Jake Seresin has never seen When Harry Met Sally.

How It's Done (Oneshot Version) by @/honkytonk-hangman

“Like me? I didn’t even think you wanted me as a squadmate, let alone–” you stop speaking, but only because Hangman cuts his eyes sharply away from you to glare out at the ocean. “Well, I do.” He says kind of indignantly, all things considered, and eyes you almost sourly. “You can just say no if you don’t–” “–No, I do!” you quickly cut him off, because at the end of it all, you’re a little too much of a hopeless romantic to let this moment pass you by.

Twenty-Five Going on Forty-Seven by @sehnsuchts-trunken

Flirting with the guy who fixed your car turns out to lead to much, much more when you find out he’s actually not just some random guy, but your new neighbour and father’s new best friend, Jake Seresin.

BRADLEY BRADSHAW

*fever pitch by @greenorangevioletgrass

Arsenal and USMNT captain Bradley Bradshaw attends the mononymous music sensation Y/N's concert with a friendship bracelet and a dream. Little did he know that they soon embark on an epic love story fit for pop royalty...

This Love Came Back to Me by @beyondthesefourwalls

You and Bradley hadn’t ended on bad terms; really, you stopped before the two of you could even truly begin. Still, in the last seven months, you had never completely left his mind. So when you suddenly appeared in front of him at the bar, asking for a favor and pulling him into a kiss, he thought maybe it was the perfect opportunity to see if this time, things could be different. But what neither of you realized was that there’s more going on than just rekindling a lost romance, and it might not be as easy as simply just wanting it.

I Like Your Cinema by @sometimesanalice

Bradley wasn’t sure why you wanted to see the movie again, especially when neither one of you had particularly liked it the first time you’d seen it together. But when you’re tugging down his zipper, things start to make a lot more sense.

‘cause no one breaks my heart like you by @heartsofminds

“Last times always make him uneasy. He thinks that he should be used to it by now from his track record of being abandoned (willfully or “out of their control” situations alike). None of this should hurt him as deeply anymore.” or Bradley Bradshaw is terrified of commitment and he decides to stop being selfish (even though it’s hard to see).

the periphery by @youvebeenlivingfictional

You’d met Bradley a few times before the happy couple had announced their nuptials, and you’d always gotten a pretty good vibe from him. He was sweet, he was easy to talk to—and it helped that he was easy on the eyes. In fact, as soon as you’d been told that Bradley Bradshaw was going to be the Best Man, you were well on your way to having a crush on the guy.

*Hotter Than Texas by @tongue-like-a-razor

Bradley Bradshaw is tasked with transporting a not-so-delicate package in the form of Jake Seresin’s baby sister, who turns out to be Bradley’s dream girl worst nightmare.

*flight risk by @ofstoriesandstardust

In which you and Rooster got married while at UVA for the military benefits. What started out as a mutually beneficial deal between friends years ago turns into a point of interest for Maverick, causing Rooster to have to haul you out to Fightertown to get him to shut up. While Maverick’s fussing over a marriage he didn’t know existed, Rooster’s focused on getting the ball rolling on divorce papers because really, the Navy does not need to be calling some poor girl from his college that he’s died in a horrendous accident. It’s proving to be more difficult than he expected, especially when Hangman and Phoenix take it upon themselves to encourage a friendship to become more. 

How You Play the Game by @roosterforme

Bradley always loved October because of the World Series. He never expected a mix-up with the ticket he won to bring something as spectacular as you into his life. But time is fleeting, and now baseball is the last thing on his mind.

*The Intern by @/roosterforme

You barely have a minute to yourself after graduating at the top of your Ivy League class before your father insists you find an internship. Your days of lounging by the pool and partying are numbered as he has an endless parade of his colleagues visiting the house. But one of them is familiar to you in a way that warms your skin just like the San Diego sun. And it turns out, Bradley Bradshaw may just have the answers to all your problems. And those answers might be waiting for you on a yacht in the Mediterranean Sea.

there was something 'bout you by @bussyslayer333

bradley bradshaw didn’t fall in love, especially not with uptight girls in his english lit class and especially not the ones being forced into tutoring him.

*Ultraviolence by @babyonboard

You and Bradley loved each other, and Jake was just your old friend from high school who you tried to pay no mind to. At least that's how it used to be.

All Too Well by @bradleyfuckingbradshaw

You’re at dinner with your boyfriend and some of his colleagues at a restaurant he chose when you look over the menu and realize there’s no vegetarian option, but he’s too busy with his friends to realize that. Bradley isn’t.

October 3rd Promptober by @familyvideostevie

you go to a tailgate with your friend bradley.

If You Met Me First by @tip-top-cloud-surfer

Rooster confessed to Echo that he was in love with her before the mission. One minor problem: she has a boyfriend.

Home for the Holidays by @mothdruid

Bradley might have lied about having a girlfriend. His best friend, you, decide to help him out and go home for the holidays with him. As the trip unfolds, so does your and Bradley’s feelings for one another.

BOB FLOYD

*I bet this would look beautiful on film by @coridotmp3

Honey desperately needs a photographer, and Bob desperately needs a break.

Robert from Next Door by @attapullman

You've lucked out with the perfect neighbor, a kind and overly helpful WSO. He puts up Christmas lights, lends his lawn mower, and grabs your morning paper. But what happens when he's out of peppermint tea one night?

If Only the Neighbors Knew by @/attapullman

A month of stolen kisses culminates in Robert hosting the HOA meeting and getting you on his couch. The ladies of the neighborhood may make him blush, but only you can make your sweet neighbor weak in the knees.

*Golden Hour by @/ereardon

Willow, Georgia. Barely even a town, just a speck on a map that you tried to wipe off, mistaking it for a crumb. You’re the outsider: a fancy New York doctor, fresh out of a failed engagement, with zero primary care experience. You’re also the new town doctor, taking over for a recent retiree who was beloved. His son, Bob Floyd, is the other physician at the practice, and takes an immediate dislike to you. But you were looking for a fresh start, and Willow doesn’t seem all that bad if you can get past the fact that there's only one restaurant in town. It helps that you've caught the eye of Bradley Bradshaw, the town attorney, despite the fact that you vowed to take a break from dating. How long until you start to make friends in a town where social circles have been set in stone since elementary school? And what will it take to make Bob Floyd see you’re not as bad as he wants to believe you are?

Ruin the Friendship by @withahappyrefrain

The night before Bob leaves for Boot Camp, he’s learned no one has gone down on his best friend. He’s determined to fix that.

International Bob Floyd Fucks Month Masterlist

a january writing event hosted by @/attapullman

Bob from Stats by @/attapullman

College is a wild time, but absolutely nothing could prepare you for the quiet guy from Stats riding around campus as a cowboy. Or what a good kisser he is.

[jamiepaige]

Constant Companions Closeup #8: LIAISON

(also on spotify!)

Welcome once more to the Constant Companions Closeups - a series of in-depth dives into the songs off of my latest album, Constant Companions! After the nightmarish tiktok voice brainrot of Aggrandicize, it's finally time to talk about Lesbian I mean Liaison!

---

...It's a love song.

...

That's about it.

...

..

.

Oh you want me to say more okay

I don't really write simple and straightforward love songs much!! Love is absolutely a core aspect of my songwriting, and I love a lot of people and a lot of things, but even when I invoke romantic love, it's usually not entirely literal? If that makes sense.

But, like, c'mon. I'm a lesbian. I love women with the best of 'em. Sometimes I just wanna be gay! Especially on an album as fraught with emotional moments as Constant Companions is, I feel like it's really important to have at least one simple moment to settle on.

...

oh you want me to say More

Well okay. I like yuri. I like vocal synths. And maybe my himejoshi ass likes making certain combinations of vocal synths do gay shit lesbian style.

lets move on already

---

I love the band Phoenix. I'll be completely honest and tell you that I first heard their music when Lisztomania and 1901 came out as DLC for Rock Band 2 but hey that's how a lot of people my age found a lot of music when they were younger probably. Their album Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix was one of a couple major sonic touchstones for how I wanted Constant Companions to sound - bouncy, warm, synthetic-yet-natural, with multiple shades of idiosyncrasies - but Liaison in particular was a pretty bold-faced attempt to directly evoke their music, at least in terms of arrangement.

Now, I'm not well-read or French enough to fully match the bright-eyed abstract lyricism or historical knowledge of their songwriting completely - but I can be Jamie Paige about it, reference Arthurian legend, and quote another freaking song I wrote

🤼‍♀️, also known as :women_wrestling:, isn't the gayest song I've ever written, but it's certainly up there, and it gets referenced pretty heavily in Liaison. Maybe this is the aftercare once they're done in the ring? Maybe there are more complicated layers hiding beneath the saccharine sweetness of these hopeless lovers...

Maybe I'm just gay. Ever consider that, huh?

That being said, for reasons I won't go into here, there's some amount of the vocal synth fandom that interpret Solaria and ANRI as being in a sort of toxic embittered lesbian situationship... which does make the layers a little more interesting... though if you ask me? I think lesbians deserve to be happy. What about that you shithead

---

Finally, because I have a moral obligation to make sure you've all seen this, please enjoy ODDEEO's very personal and moving take on Liaison.

Of course, let me know if you have any other questions below!! Otherwise, I'll be back tomorrow to talk about the most transgender song I've ever written - Object of Affection!

[tinfoil-jones]

Why does Ford think he abandoned Stan? It's not like he kicked him out of the house. Is it about not trying to look for him after he was kicked out or not trying to contact him before the accident?

I've gotten quite a bit of asks about Ford and Stan, so I'm going to explain Ford's arc in this fanfic based on authors intent:

Let it be said, first, that Stanford is not some unfeeling monster who hates his brother. He wasn't that even before the story started.

Stan was  initially written as being a bit more sensitive, but was re-written to be standoffish and casual about everything. This was so there was more contrast between when he’s being serious vs when he’s just f***ing around. In a way he kind of switched attitudes with Ford, who was initially going to be more of a jerk who was doing all of this because he wanted to be right.

But that changed because I’ve seen a lot of stories where Ford is a jerk either until it's too late, or it’s almost too late, and Stan is sad and self-depreciating the whole time. Which, it is a dynamic I like, don't get me wrong. But I wanted to do something different - so Ford was instead written with the intention of being the more sensitive one. In a way, to be ironic because he called Stan suffocating before they had their falling out, and now he’s the one insisting that Stan needs to stay with him, while Stan actively rejects him.

This was not written to bash or hate on Ford for what happened to Stan - both Stan and Fiddleford state multiple times that Ford was both allowed to be mad about the perpetual motion machine incident, and he was allowed to cut people out of his life, including Stan. It was always his right to decide who he wanted in his life.

However, the problem is that Ford took Stan for granted. Ford was the one who was wronged, so he decided on his own that he and he alone would decide if he and Stan ever reconciled or not. Ford was open to the idea of reconciling, but only on his terms, and only if Stanley proved his worth to him. He saw Stan as needy, so he never even imagined a scenario where Stan could ever possibly reject him.

The whole story, after all, started because Ford was so ready to just ignore Stan after not seeing him for an entire decade, only to be offended when Stan’s the one who completely ignored him instead. Stanley was the one who ruined things, he shouldn’t get a say in if Ford engages with him or not!

And then there was Fords lie about Stanley ‘leaving home’ rather than being kicked out.

Ford wasn’t going to admit it out loud for a while, but he did feel guilty about Stan being kicked out. More specifically, he felt guilty about how he felt when it first happened. Back then, as he was seventeen and newly betrayed by the person he thought he could trust most in the world, he was hot blooded and impulsive, and he believed that Stan ruined his machine on purpose. Back then, he thought that Stan must have done it out of jealousy towards him, and for a while even believed that Stan deserved to be kicked out. 

And as Ford got older, and he started growing up and maturing, and the incident became more distant and he cooled off about it, he looked at the situation differently. As a grown man, he could look back and realize how clearly not a grown man Stanley was when he was kicked out, and that throwing a minor onto the streets was wrong. While he still believed that Stanley wrecked his machine on purpose, he changed his mind about why Stanley did it. He came to the conclusion that Stan must have just been afraid of Ford leaving him. He still believed Stan sabotaged him, but he at least didn’t think Stan was doing it to be malicious. 

But still, he preferred to keep him out of sight, and out of mind. There was no reason to make attempts to reach out if Stanley himself wasn’t trying to either. He was a con artist anyways, sure his life most likely wasn’t the greatest, but Stan was tough and stubborn, he’d get up no matter what knocked him down or how hard.

And this entire mindset Ford had towards his brother beforehand became… so much more unstable and harder to hold onto once he started to get to know Stan again, albeit as an amnesiac who saw him as a stranger.

Because every time he and/or Fiddleford poked and prodded about his past, it quickly became clear to Ford that Stanley’s life since being kicked out hadn’t just been ‘not the greatest’, it was a never ending series of one trauma after another horrible trauma.

How many times has he been stabbed?

How many times has he been kidnapped?

He was addicted to what?

What ‘worse’ things has he done for twenty dollars?

Why does he know what Necklacing and the Colombian Necktie are?

He… tried to kill himself? Multiple times?

Which States is he banned from?

Why does he think only negative things about himself?

And as Fiddleford tells him outright in CH.18, Ford overcompensates as a knee-jerk reaction - he realizes that Stan isn’t joking about these things that happened to him (specifically when he sees the cigarette scars makes the reality really sink in for him). His guilt over not doing anything when Stan was kicked out, and then his further guilt when he lied to Stan and Fiddleford about the details of the incident, causes him to get way too protective and even a little controlling over Stan because again he hyper focuses on the idea that that he can make up for this, that he can fix this. That is he can keep Stan safe now, maybe he’ll be the brother he should have been in the past decade.

But you can see that Ford changes throughout the story - in the beginning, he corrects everything Stan says in the vein of “I’m this��/“No, you’re this”, and doesn’t take anything he says at face value, he constantly projects who and what he thinks Stanley Pines is supposed to be on this amnesiac who tells him his name is Stan Malone. He also pushes or ignores his boundaries - in CH.9, he tries to force Stan to tell him who gave him the burn scars even though it’s clear that Stan is very uncomfortable with the topic. 

But compare that to the end and near the end of the story - in CH.20, after the “Homeless Shelter” memory, he asks Stan if he wants to talk about it, and drops it when Stan tells him no. In CH.23, Ford also shows faith in what Stan told him about his limitations, because he isn’t concerned when Agent Lolph tells him that he stabbed Stan four times, because he remembered Stan telling him that four would only slow him down.

[galaxyedging]

Joel Miller x Jackson Dr reader

Fluffy little one shot.

Warnings: Depictions of small surgery. Mentions of cancer. Drug use.

Carpe Diem

The days at Jackson's clinic were never boring. The community ran pretty smoothly but when you have that many people living and working together things will happen. Accidents, fights, STDs, common bugs spreading like wildfire. Children are still children even post-apocalypse. They still eat what they shouldn't and shove things up their noses. Experimental teens will eat things they shouldn't and shove things where they shouldn't.

Between being an inner city ER doctor before the outbreak and Jackson’s small town vibes, you'd seen pretty much everything. Not much surprised you. Until the night, you were getting ready to go home and came face to board chest with Joel Miller.

Office hours were over, the day had been pretty quiet. A mildly sprained ankle. A pre-natal check up. There hadn't been much tidying to do. After spending the previous day helping repair some homes that took the brunt of a summer storm, you were looking forward to a hot bath to soothe your aches. The thought of the warm water loosening you up, held your attention as you moved around, locking up on auto pilot. Finally moving to the front door you open it just in time to have Joel shoved at you down the few steps by Ellie who called back “Be good!” as she ran off.

“Sorry.” Joel's hands ghost your sides as you right yourself from the impact.

“What was that about?!” You laugh still watching as Ellie disappears down main street.

“Er…I have something I've been meaning to get checked out. Ellie found out and wanted me to come.” Joel took note of your backpack on your shoulder. “But I can see that you're ready to leave. I'll swing by another day.”

“No, you will not.” your authoritative tone startles Joel. “I've known plenty of men like you. That will avoid the doctors at all costs and say they are ‘fine’ even when they are hurting. By some miracle you are at my door so you will go inside and be treated, Mr Miller.”

Joel's hands rise with his palms up in surrender.

“Yes, Doctor.” He gives you a smile as he steps into the hallway.

The smile that tugs at your own lips is hidden from him as he makes his way to your office. Even if he doesn't seek treatment for himself, Ellie is no stranger to your office.

“So what can I help you with?” You slip into doctor mode after taking a minute to admire how Joel fills out the seat in front of you.

“Er, I have this lump…” Joel starts from under his thick lashes as he looks intently at your desk. “...I've had it a while.”

“How long is a while?” You query.

“About six months.” Joel admits sheepishly. “It's only been sore for like a week.” He adds in a weak attempt at a defence.

“Alright.” You try to keep the annoyance out of your tone. “Where is it?”

Joel seems relieved that you haven't landed into him more. “It's on my back.”

“I'll close the curtain to give you a moment to remove your shirt and lay face down on the bed.” Joel knows there's no room for argument so he makes his way over.

With the curtains closed, you begin to wash up. While you scrub your hands you can help but notice Joel's silhouette in the mirror over the sink. His thick arms bend and flex as he removes his shirt and t-shirt.

Joel had always caught your eye and the two nurses who worked with you were convinced that you'd caught his. Joel was well respected around the community. He was dependable and selfless with his time. He didn't always make the effort with small talk but there was a lot going on under his gruff looking exterior once he let you in. Since he held a conversation with you quite often, that was enough evidence for your co-workers to be convinced that Joel was infatuated with you.

“Are you decent?” You call out, approaching the curtain.

“As I'll ever be.” Joel calls back.

Joel's sense of humour always brings a smile to your face. Even the dad jokes he teases Ellie with, brighten your day.

“Let's see now. No redness. Am I alright to touch you?” You ask, your hands ready and waiting for Joel's permission.

“Yea..yes.” Joel clears his throat and shifts a little on the bed.

Another smile finds its way onto your lips as you wonder if Joel is a little nervous around you in the same way you are around him. Like how you become more self conscious as you want him to see the best version of you.

“Mmmm….uh-huh…okay. You should have come sooner…” It may not be very professional but you wanted to give Joel a little scare. He tried to stutter out ‘why’ before you continued. “...this could have been something bad. Luckily for you it's just a cyst. I can remove it and it will heal up nicely if I get it all.”

Joel's broad shoulders rise and fall as he sighs in relief, the action sends a ripple of flexing down the muscles of his and your hands long to follow them. “Thank you, Doc.”

“Don't thank me just yet. We don't have any local at the moment. I have something to take the edge off but it's…erm…experimental at best.” The best words to describe your new ‘treatment’ escape you.

“Well, what is it?” Joel had turned to face you now. His toned, tan chest is on display with a sprinkling of hair and adorable freckles that you could trace with your finger tips.

“It's CBD.” You tried to sound professional.

“Pot?!” Joel huffs a laugh.

“It has many practical applications. Some patients report it has pain relieving effects when ingested.” Your tone becomes defensive.

“Ingested? You want me to eat it?” The bemused look on Joel’s face cracked through your facade.

“Well, yeah. Damn, Joel, it's not like I can just go out and grab some pain killers. And are you telling me that a man of the world such as yourself has never tried weed before?” You arch an accusatory eyebrow at him.

“Maybe once or twice back in the day.” He gives you a knowing smirk.

Ignoring the goose pimples that break out on your flesh at the sight, you push forward. “Well, then, it's up to you. Let me just cut into your back? Or let me do it while you're high?”

“I didn't peg you for a drug pusher but I'll take the second option.” His voice is decisive until he adds. “Just promise not to take any notice if I start talking all loopy.”

If Joel feels the incision, he doesn't mention it. He'd been lying almost comatose on the bed for ten minutes before you decided to go ahead.

“How are you doing, Joel?” You speak a little louder to grab his floating attention.

“M'good.” He almost slurs.

“Good. So you can't feel anything?” You follow up.

“Nope. Just your magical hands. They're so soft. You're so soft and sweet and pretty…shit! I shouldn't have said that. You are very, very pretty, though. And smart. God, and funny!” The words just run off Joel's loose tongue.

“If you think all those nice things about me, why didn't you come sooner?” With the cyst removed all you have to do is sew Joel up. Sober Joel will probably appreciate you keeping him on the topic of the matter at hand.

“Because I think all those things, I was embarrassed.” The last part is muttered against the bed.

“So you risked it becoming serious, rather than see me?” The final stitch goes in as you shake your head.

“I've had something similar before. Plus what else can a lump mean? Cancer? We ain't exactly equipped to cure that.” The laugh he lets out is bitter.

The fingers checking the stitches stray to stroke his skin softly. “So why did you come today?”

“Ellie.” He responded.

“Well, yeah. I saw that and I know she can be very formidable but surely…”

Joel cuts you off. “No, not like that. If it was something bad, even if we couldn't stop it from…maybe we could have slowed it and I could have gotten more time with her.”

The second the words leave Joel's mouth, your professionalism leaves with them. Your hand lays fully against his bare back. “Joel…that's…beautiful. Ellie is lucky to have found you.”

Shifting to sit up Joel catches your hand as you pull it back. “Thanks, Doc. Maybe now that I know I have more time, you might let me spend some of it with you?”

Despite your best efforts you were sure that your thoughts were clear on your face. “I'll need to check those stitches in a couple of days. If you still think I'm pretty when you aren't high as a kite, we'll talk then.”

“It's a date.” Joel says with a lopsided smile.

“No, it's an appointment!” You chide him.

“Do you make house calls?” Those deep brown eyes burn whiskey gold in the setting sun as they widen into the most pleading puppy dog eyes.

“I think I can in this case.” You give him a smile before heading off to get dressings for his wound.

A few days later, you climb the steps of Joel's porch. The door swings open and Ellie shoots out, again calling out ‘Be good!’ behind her. The scent of honey and tea brewing flows on the wind from the open door. Joel soon fills the gap with his wide frame a second later.

“Come in, Doc. You hungry?” He throws over his shoulder as he leads the way to the dining table, already set up with sandwiches and a freshly made cake.

“What's all this?” Your light laughter joins the honey on the breeze.

“I told you, it's a date.” Joel smiles confidently. “The only thing is that I forgot to put the iced tea on. So we've got some time to kill while it cools.” Joel steps closer keeping his hands on his hips.

“How do you suggest that we pass the time?” It’s your turn to step closer, your hands find your way to the soft flannel on Joel's chest.

“I got a couple of ideas.” Joel's large hands smooth around your waist.

“Are you always this forward, Mr Miller?” Joel's lips are temptingly close to yours as you speak.

Joel obviously notices too as his eyes flicker downwards. “I had a health scare recently. It inspired me to seize the day.”

The air between you is charged with your teasing banter and gentle touches. “Really? What does your physician think of that?”

Joel moves closer still. “From the way they had their hands on my last me I saw them, I think they'd approve.” Once the words are out, his lips are on yours.

The tea is more than cooled by the time you and Joel finish making out on the sofa like teenagers.

Tags: @kirsteng42 @prolix-yuy @hquinzelle @fangirl-316 @gracie7209 @jedifarmerr @doommommy @scorpio-marionette @sturkillerbase @harriedandharassed @aynsleywalker @mswarriorbabe80 @rise-my-angel @adancedivasmom @kinda-nobody @movievillainess721 @munsonownsmyass @mandoloriancookie @faceache111 @elegantduckturtle @manazo @simpingcowboy @pedrit0-pascalit0 @yourcoolauntie @pedrostories @geekrenaissance @its-nebuleuse @sherala007 @vabeachazn

[inbarfink]

The thing that I’ve been thinking of is… so one of Dib’s most defining traits and flaws is supposed to be his desire for fame and emotional validation. You know he is fighting to protect the earth, but he’s also fighting for the sake of his own ego

It’s got a lot of fun potential because it’s both extremely understandable - he’s been bullied and emotionally neglected for his entire life, it’s no wonder his biggest fantasy is just to be loved - but it can also motivate some really selfish acts. Not to mention how much it acts as a mirror to Zim’s own desire for respect and prestige among his own people.

And because of that, I guess it actually kinda surprises me that they never tried to have Dib pull a… reverse Planet Jackers moment? Like, just as Zim will protect the Earth from outside threats because he wants the credit for destroying it - will Dib help Zim if his ability to get credit for defeating him is threatened?

Like, I imagine a story where maybe Dib meets a rival paranormal investigator, and the guy’s like a Super Mega Asshole to Dib and also thinks he’s crazy. And then this guy manages to capture Zim and it seems like he’s going to be the one to expose him to the world and get all the credit for foiling his infiltration scheme. The credit that Dib feels he rightly deserves. Or he simply get a chance to defeat Zim, but there are no witnesses and no evidence and no chance anyone will ever believe him. 

For Dib, stopping Zim and proving to the world that he’s been right all along have always been interwoven goals. He has always taken it for granted that doing the former will naturally lead to the latter… So how will he deal with a situation where Zim can be stopped for good, but his situation will not change. No one will know or believe what he just did, he would just be the same ridiculed social pariah - the only thing he actually accomplished is that he has gotten rid of his best chance to change that permanently.

And you know, he doesn’t necessarily have to take that chance to help Zim or let him go - even just having Dib struggle with the idea momentarily could be a very strong character moment for him. I think it’s a shamefully underutilized aspect of his canon characterization and I do hope we’d get to see it played with more one of these days. 

But you know which piece of canon really came closest to tackling this aspect?

Dib’s little plan for Zim in ETF is not quite exactly what I was talking about above - but there are some similarities.

I’ve seen some people talk about Dib’s ETF plan like it was meant to be a favor to Zim or some sort of attempt at redemption for him or like… a thing that Zim benefit from in any sort of way? Like, I've seen some people describe the plot of ETF like Zim's manipulation of Dib’s plan was him using Dib’s kindness and empathy against him? And that’s not exactly what’s happening here.

To recap, Dib tries to stage yet another confrontation between himself and Zim (to let off steam from his Daddy Issues) only to find Zim a total emotional wreck, depressed to the point of total apathy. His first instinct is to drag him away to ‘lock him up’ but... he’s not really feeling it.

Something’s not quite right about winning like this. And then, he shifts to empathy 

But then, he shifts again, when he realizes the ���real’ thing he’s been missing - a crowd.

The real reason this victory was feeling hollow is because he hasn’t made it public enough! If he's going to use Zim's emotional rock-bottom as a way to finally defeat him and condemn him into a life of painful experiments.... he wants to do it in front of a cheering crowd!

And while Zim’s scheme seems to have started once he first laid eyes on the Membracelet 

That plan couldn’t have worked without Dib’s own scheme to exploit Zim’s suicidal depression to get him in front as many people as possible so that Dib can get worldwide fame and Daddy’s approval and Zim can get... experimented on for the rest of his life. 

There was no kindness here to exploit, only a desperate desire for emotional validation.

The big mistake Dib did that allowed Zim the window of opportunity he needed to take over Membrane Labs was not doing the Kind Thing when he should’ve done the Practical Thing - and it was not doing the Cruel Thing when he should’ve done the Kind Thing. Dib had his chance to do the Practical Thing right there and then - kill or capture Zim while he’s not fighting back. He considered doing the Kind Thing (empathizing with Zim) and he decided to abandon both of them in favor of… the thing that will get him the most fame and attention.

And that’s the weakness of Dib that Zim exploited in his scheme. And that’s the thing that almost doomed planet Earth. Quite ironically, it’s literally a flaw Zim himself possesses quite strongly.

If Dib was willing to think purely in terms of what’s safest for Earth he would’ve taken out Zim right there and then and Earth would be safe forever - but for the sake of his own ego he took a risk that the planet almost paid very dearly for. 

(And if he was willing to resist the temptation of fame and continue with the thread of empathy he showed Zim? Well, we can only speculate of what would've happened then...)

It’s not quite what I was talking about above; Dib would’ve probably gotten some of the fame and validation he wanted if he just stomped Zim’s head right there and dragged his corpse out - he just wanted as much attention as possible. And he didn’t knowingly help Zim or even seriously considered it as much as he was just tricked into a situation of Mutually Assured Bastardness. But I think it is the closest we’ve come so far, and I think it’s interesting.

[ed-recovery-affirmations]

Since feedism has lately become kinda controversial (people vehemently pro and vehemently anti ever since I made that post) I'm going to try to keep the conversation open in a positive, non-judgmental way. I do want to do my best to make this a safe space for all experiences to be heard. There are people who have had EXTREMELY predatory experiences being drawn into feedism. There are, as I've learned, also people who feel they've been able to establish a gentle, positive, and consent-based experience around the practice. I'm not taking either side, just reflecting on the initial reason I made that post and felt so anti-feedism there.

We know that diet culture, starvation, and the ana/mia constant of setting lower and lower goal weights does irreparable harm to the human body. Restricting as a teen, during a crucial developmental period, definitely damaged mine.

But so did bingeing. When I came out of anorexia, I cycled back and forth between that and binge eating disorder. And bingeing was at least as destructive and damaging to my GI system as starving. I'm not kidding. There was more than one time in college that I had to lie on my side on my dorm room floor because I'd eaten so much that I was in too much pain to get up, my stomach all round and hard like a basketball from being so stuffed. And I still felt the compulsion to try and eat more. I was miserable and I hated myself for hurting myself like that, but I couldn't stop. The only thing that I found to be supportive of my health was practicing intuitive eating - letting my own body dictate exactly what I needed, exactly how much, and when - no more, and no less. And it took a VERY long time for me to settle into that pattern and lessen instances of compulsive binge eating.

Just because this was my experience doesn't mean I'm saying no one's allowed to have a different one. But I will say, it definitely makes me feel somewhat concerned, as someone who is a strong proponent of intuitive eating, that a lot of the feeder content I have seen does hold a deliberate emphasis on consistent weight gain. Not specifically the eating part - the way that a feeder can encourage a feedee to keep gaining. The way recovery has looked for me is this: I let my hunger cues dictate my needs. My body can settle into whatever size it needs to be as I follow these hunger cues. I do not make a practice of ignoring my body's needs in order to deliberately change the size it naturally wants to be - whether that be smaller, or larger. That's what I have always been a proponent of, and I have always made a point to emphasize that intuitive eating absolutely applies to people who are naturally fat, that they have no obligation to starve their bodies in an attempt to stop being fat. "Just let your body be what it needs to be" has been the mantra that has best supported my relationship with food.

I think that's specifically what made me find feedism suspect - the emphasis on pushing continuous gain for kink purposes rather than any specific health need. (This is not me dunking on people who do get off on that relationship - just talking about my perspective as someone who absolutely HAD to learn how to put my own body behind the wheel and nobody else when it comes to what I eat, and how much.)

That being said, if anybody in this community wants to talk to me about specific ways they feel the experience has benefited them. And while it's okay to talk to me about kink (I'll make sure to tag appropriately) as kink is an important part of some peoples' lives, I am curious to hear if people feel they've experienced benefits outside of the kink sphere too, and what that looks like for them. Hoping to keep this an open, and respectful, conversation.

[nadas-dirthalen]

Were those just theories in the Titan/ Lyrium War post?! I need to know all the things!!

Half theories! I've seen a few codices that I've been thinking on for a long time. So here's my reason behind why I used the tags I did on that post.

This is very, very long. But it's the best collection I can cobble together of all the reasons I think these things.

Beware: HORROR OF HORMAK story spoilers at the bottom of this post!

"Mythal and Elgar'nan are both cited as mining/carving slain titans for their lyrium."

In the light of the veilfire, the runes seem to shift, coiling and uncoiling like snakes. A thunderous voice shatters the stillness, shouting: "Hail Mythal, adjudicator and savior! She has struck down the pillars of the earth and rendered their demesne unto the People! Praise her name forever!" For a moment, the scent of blood fills the air, and there is a vivid image of green vines growing and enveloping a sphere of fire. The vision grows dark. An aeon seems to pass. Then the runes crackle, as if filled with an angry energy. A new vision appears: elves collapsing caverns, sealing the Deep Roads with stone and magic. Terror, heart-pounding, ice-cold, as the last of the spells is cast. A voice whispers: "What the Evanuris in their greed could unleash would end us all. Let this place be forgotten. Let no one wake its anger. The People must rise before their false gods destroy them all."

The Titans are referred to as "the pillars of the earth" often enough that it's made it onto the Dragon Age wiki. Mythal slew at least one Titan and then gave that Titan's demesme (lands or domain) to the People (the ancient elves). The ending text of this codex makes it sound like this was later something regretted, if not by Mythal, then by the other elves of the time.

You can also see PLENTY of Mythal statues in the Deep Roads, particularly during Trespasser — curiously, with wolves always guarding the doors.

Ghilan'nain's statues feature almost as prominently in these places.

The pages of this book—memory?—describe a monument made in a single afternoon by a thousand-thousand toiling servants swarming over a lump of fallen stone as large as a collapsed mountain. By the end of the day, the stern figure of Elgar'nan stares down into a valley, carved out from the foothills of the rock. The slaves have disappeared. Light radiates from the eidolon's narrowed eyes and its open, snarling mouth. "Hail Elgar'nan, first among the gods! Mark his victory eternal!"

I take this to mean Titans/lyrium because of how widespread it is that Elgar'nan threw the sun into the earth and then brought it back out. In ancient elvhen, the words for sun (elgara) and spirit (elgar) are almost the exact same. This could mean bringing spirits (or bringing spirits against their will) into the Earth (the Titans' domain).

"It is very possible the evanuris made their own bodies out of lyrium."

This one is more theorycrafting than anything, and I'll direct you to this video where a lot of things started clicking into place for me.

But I want to add this codex to the discussion as well.

Many of these pages are filled with sketches of elven statues matching the ones found in the area, along with notes and what look like attempts to practice Qunlat: Trying to remember that old bedtime song about Mythal. My mother sang it the night before the darkspawn came for my clan. It's the last time I ever heard her voice. Ir sa tel'nal, Mythal las ma theneras. Ir san'a emma. Him solas evanuris. Da'durgen'lin, Banal malas elgara. Bellanaris, bellanaris.

Now, for the purposes of this discussion, we're going to ignore the provided translation, because we know that translation is wrong in a few spots. From my best understanding, this is as close as I can translate it.

I am [one] [not/never] [nal], Mythal grants [you/me] dreams, I [am/was] [here] [within], [Becomes/Became] Solas evanuris. Little stone [boy], Nothing [given/granted] to [the sun], Forever, forever.

Everything [in brackets] is an educated guess, the best as I can make it.

If I've gotten the translation close to right, this describes Solas, a spirit that is called to take the shape of a "little stone boy," becoming one of the Evanuris at Mythal's behest.

"They made unliving champions with no need to breathe to fight on their behalf."

A codex entry!

The pages of this book—memory?—show a narrow plateau on top of a mountain, Two armored figures—one in gold, one in black—are fighting in the snow. Steel flickers so fast the air hums. Blood dots the ground. They do not stop for breath. The one in black makes no sound as a blade parts his throat. "Mythal, in her wisdom, interceded in an argument between Elgar'nan and Falon'Din. With clever words, she convinced them to settle their grievance through a battle of their champions. Elgar'nan and Falon'Din agreed, and set their champions against each other rather than declare war among the gods. May those knights long be remembered, and Mythal's wisdom be praised."

Worth noting, this codex is titled "Duel of a Hundred Years."

These things aren't human! They bleed, but don't breathe. They never stop fighting. This duel lasts 100 years.

"Ghilan'nain's lab is fueled by lyrium that causes those awful mutations."

I don't have screencaps to pull quotes from, but it's yellow-green lyrium at the center of the part of Ghilan'nain's lab in Horror of Hormak that monsters are coming out of, and this lyrium is what's exploded to destroy the lab and all its creatures.

Honorable Mentions:

• Andruil's entire story with her trips to the Void make me think of the abyss being the deep underground (and the endless sky very deep underground), and Mythal sapping Andruil's strength and storing her memories makes me think of lyrium.

• Solas talking about Falon'din in the Temple of Mythal makes me think that amassing more worshippers may well have meant creating them from Mythal's lyrium stores.

INQUISITOR: Do you know any legends? SOLAS: It is said Falon’Din’s appetite for adulation was so great, he began wars to amass more worshippers. The blood of those who wouldn’t bow low filled lakes as wide as oceans. Mythal rallied the gods, once the shadow of Falon’Din’s hunger stretched across her own people. It was almost too late. Falon’Din only surrendered when his brethren bloodied him in his own temple. INQUISITOR: Did ancient elves believe all their gods so terrifying? SOLAS: Yes. I believe they did.

SO YEAH!! Lyrium war! Lyrium war, I say!!! It's on my Veilguard bingo card for sure—either as an explanation of what came before, something that will begin in Veilguard, or both.

[sapphire-weapon]

Alright. It's time. It's time we talk about the dining hall dialogue.

But before we do that, we first need to talk about the "running from creeps" dialogue, because they're connected.

Leon: You did well back there. (coyly) Seems this isn't your first time running from creeps. Ashley: (genuinely confused and hesitant) ... I can't tell if that's meant to be a compliment. Leon: ...

I've seen a lot of people utterly baffled by Leon's line of dialogue here -- even moreso than Ashley herself is. If you're one of those people who was stumped by this and you don't know what it was supposed to mean, let me explain:

Leon's line of dialogue here is a joke told by the developers/writers to the audience. The punchline is: "Leon is really bad at talking to women."

It was meant to be a compliment, but it didn't come out that way. He was trying to hit on her; you can tell from the deep-voiced, coy tone that Nick used to deliver the line. But it failed spectacularly -- so much so that, when Ashley tells him that she has no idea what he's trying to say, he just shuts up and doesn't bother to explain himself.

But if you tease it out a little bit more, you'll be able to see it more clearly.

"Seems this isn't your first time running from creeps" -- the implication there is that Ashley has caught the eye of creeps before -- particularly creepy men. The implication from that is that she's had a lot of creepy men hitting on her. The implication from that is that there's something about her that would attract that kind of attention in the first place.

What Leon was going for was: "I was impressed by how well you were able to avoid being seen by the enemy. But I guess it makes sense, since you've probably had to sneak away from creeps hitting on you a lot, considering how fucking hot you are."

But that's not what came out of his mouth. He tried to go for a more subtle approach, and he botched it completely -- and there was no way for him to explain himself when Ashley failed to catch his meaning, because any explanation he could possibly give would come off as vulgar and... well. Creepy. So he just shut his mouth and said nothing more.

The intention from the writers was for us to feel either a sense of second-hand embarrassment or of schadenfreude towards Leon in this moment, depending on what kind of personality you are, because wow. Wow. That was a terrible attempt at being charming, and now he looks like a total chud.

So now, let's come back to the dining hall dialogue.

Ashley: So, uh, you do a lot of missions like this? Leon: Well, yeah. But I'm not used to having such good company. Ashley: (breathless with excitement) ... Is that a... compliment? Leon: (lets out a self-satisfied "heh") Take it however you want.

Taken on its own and in a vacuum, you might be able to make the argument that he's just being nice -- that he enjoys her company because she's pleasant to be around, and it goes no further.

Even then, I'd probably say that that's ridiculous, because for him to just come out of nowhere with a line like that is not consistent with any version of Leon to have ever existed in any title -- excepting, of course, in instances where he's trying to get laid. (Chris is the only blockhead in the RE universe to hand out compliments like this and genuinely mean nothing by it and then not get it when people think he's hitting on them, but that's an entirely different point to be made.)

But for the sake of argument, let's just say that this is a normal thing for him to have said.

The thing is, this dialogue does not exist in a vacuum. It is a direct callback to the "running from creeps" exchange -- and we know that it's an intentional and direct callback due to Ashley's reaction and the re-use of the word "compliment" asked as a question.

This is Leon's moment of redemption.

This time, it's not that Ashley genuinely can't tell whether it's a compliment or not. Of course she can tell it's a compliment. Leon just told her explicitly that he enjoys having her around more than he enjoys most other people. She's not stupid.

What she's questioning this time is whether it's a compliment or if it's a... compliment.

She's asking the same question in her head that's being debated in fandom: Is he hitting on her, or is he just being nice? And the very thought that he could be hitting on her makes her breathless with excitement.

And Leon is also not stupid. (OG RE4 Leon's dialogue aside, I mean. THIS IS NO RITUAL IT'S TERRORISM) And he also knows that Ashley's not stupid. He knows exactly what she's asking him.

And instead of shutting it down or making sure she doesn't get the "wrong idea," he lets out a self-satisfied little "heh" (just so that the writers can convey to the audience that he's feeling smug, because it's in-game dialogue and they can't show Leon smirking outwardly) and responds with the sexually-charged tease of "Take it however you want." (Ashley should've responded back to him with "Give it to me, then." That's how pornos start.)

Because she doesn't have the wrong idea. She's not jumping to conclusions. She took it exactly how he meant it -- but he can't say that openly due to their current circumstances. So he leaves it as more of a "Well, I'm not not saying that."

And in order to reinforce the romantic/sexual nature of this exchange, the writers put in a lot of meta symbolism and imagery surrounding it, as well.

This happens specifically and only in the dining hall. Well, what's special about the dining hall?

I mean, I shouldn't have to explain that the scenery of a candlelit dinner is romantic -- but that's not all there is.

It's a completely red room, with red walls and red rugs over red carpeting. It is the only room not just in the castle -- but the entire game -- that looks like that. Red, of course, is the color of romance and passion. In some cases, psychologists have actually found it to cause people's heart rates to rise as an unconscious response.

It's also the room where you get the snake part of the chimera.

Going all the way back to biblical times, snakes have been a symbol of temptation and lust. In some cultures, they were even associated with fertility.

But wait -- there's more.

The puzzle that leads you to getting the snake involves literally filling the seats of and taking the roles of a king and queen.

Ashley has already been referred to as a "princess" and Leon as her "gallant knight" -- and yet, in the armor room (where you get the lion), Leon rejects the offer of filling the role of the knight when Ashley suggests he puts the armor on. But here? In the dining hall? He is the king to her queen. They're bonded together as equally important parts of the same puzzle via a fantasy marriage.

But we're not done yet.

What should I find waiting in this room just beside the entrance? Why, it's our old friend the bridal bouquet.

We've seen this before, haven't we? It was prominently featured in another scene that was very heavily romance-coded with its lighting, cinematography, imagery, and symbolism.

And one more thing. This one I found really interesting.

When Leon is on his "throne" what's sitting in his direct line of sight is a taxidermy eagle (and, of course, Ashley is "baby eagle"). And not only that, but there's also a bust of what appears to be William Shakespeare on display.

When Ashley is seated on her "throne" she also has a bust of Shakespeare across from her.

And what's significant about Shakespeare isn't just that, well. He's Shakespeare.

It's the fact that this puzzle leads directly into a scene that was shot deliberately to mimic/mirror the balcony scene in Romeo & Juliet. (standard, Romantic, fairy tale)

This exchange isn't the only time Leon hits on/flirts with Ashley in RE4make -- but it is the boldest he ever gets about it, and the developers seemed to really, really want to make it as crystal clear as possible that that's what he's doing.

Consider this: This entire sequence was completely different in OG. The puzzle was different. The context of the puzzle was about the journey through life and the inevitability of our own mortality. Ashley wasn't even present for it. The cage that Leon gets caught in has absolutely no deeper symbolic meaning... and then a garrador pops out.

This was completely restructured from the ground up, for a very deliberate purpose.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: If Ashley had handed Leon a condom and given him the green light to use it, he would've fucked her right there on the dining room table.

Because, in the context of RE4make, eagleone is canon.

[delusionalfanficwriter]

jealousy

The clinic at Station 19 was abuzz with activity, and Maya found herself in the thick of it, tending to one patient after another. The unending stream of cases had her juggling paperwork and patient care, and she couldn't help but feel grateful when Carina and Elena entered following a shift at the hospital.

Maya's face lit up with relief as she spotted them. "Carina, Elena, you have no idea how glad I am to see you both! It's been absolutely non-stop. We only had Warren for the past two hours and it’s been a LOT."

Carina leaned in for a quick kiss, and Elena greeted Maya with a warm hug. Their arrival was a welcome sight amidst the chaos.

As they exchanged pleasantries, their collective attention shifted toward the patients' waiting area. Carina took a patient with Maya while Elena took another.

"So, Dr. Rodriguez, I have to say, you're the prettiest doctor I've ever seen."

Elena, in her usual professional manner, handled the situation gracefully. "Thank you, that's very kind. Now, let's talk about your symptoms."

Despite Elena's attempts to redirect the conversation toward the patient's medical condition, her persistent glances and playful comments made it clear she was more interested in something other than her ailment. Elena played into it a bit, having a bit fun at work never hurt anybody as long as she stayed professional and didn't cross any lines.

Carina, ever perceptive when it came to Elena, observed the patient's interest and the subtle undercurrent of tension behind the curtain. She leaned closer to Maya, her voice a whisper filled with playful jealousy. "Looks like someone has a little crush on Elena."

Maya's eyes sparkled mischievously as she glanced at the patient, then back at Carina. "Well, who could blame her? Elena is quite the catch."

But Maya's comment didn't go unnoticed by Carina, and she felt a twinge of jealousy herself. Her competitive spirit kicked in as she leaned closer to Maya, whispering. "Maybe I should remind you and Elena why you're lucky to have me."

Maya grinned, loving the playful rivalry between them. "Oh, please, Carina. You both are a handful." Maya and Carina treated their patient before making their way outside of Elena’s treatment curtain.

Carina watched the interaction closely, her jealousy growing more pronounced as she noticed Elena’s interest in the situation. She watched Elena's body language and comments in depth. Maya, sensing Carina's feelings, reached out to gently grasp her hand, a silent reassurance that everything was okay.

Maya's grip on Carina's hand tightened, and she leaned in to whisper. "Carina, let's not make a scene. Elena can handle herself."

Carina nodded, grateful for Maya's calming presence. She knew that jealousy was irrational in this situation, but it was hard to suppress.

As Elena completed her examination of the patient, she returned to Maya and Carina, her eyes sparkling mischievously. "Well, that was an interesting case. She seemed more interested in flirting than discussing her symptoms."

Carina couldn't help but grin, feeling reassured by Maya's touch. "Can't say I blame her."

Maya joined in the playful spirit, giving Carina's hand a reassuring squeeze. "You've got quite the fan club, Elena."

Elena feigned exasperation. "Oh, please. You two are impossible."

The banter continued as they finished up their shift at the clinic. But as they made their way back to their apartment, the undercurrent of jealousy that had sparked earlier began to simmer beneath the surface. Maya couldn't help but notice that Carina's playful jealousy had taken on a slightly different tone.

As they settled into their cozy living room, the tension became palpable. Elena excused herself to take a quick shower, leaving Maya and Carina alone. Maya turned to her with a concerned look.

"Carina, is everything okay?" she asked softly.

Carina hesitated for a moment, her insecurity bubbling to the surface. "Maya, do you think Elena is more attracted to other people sometimes? Like that patient earlier?"

Maya was taken aback by the question but quickly realized that Carina's jealousy had triggered some deep-seated insecurities. She took Carina's hand gently, searching for the right words to reassure her.

"Carina, you know how much Elena loves you. We have a unique dynamic, and sometimes, playful flirting happens. But it doesn't change her feelings for you. She's madly in love with you, just as I am. We both are," Maya said earnestly.

Carina sighed, feeling a mixture of relief and embarrassment. "I know, Maya. It's just that sometimes, I can't help but wonder..."

Before Carina could finish her sentence, Maya leaned in and silenced her with a passionate kiss. Their lips met with a fiery intensity, fueled by a potent combination of love and desire. Maya's hands moved to Carina's waist, pulling her closer.

Carina responded eagerly, her hands roaming over Maya's body, igniting a passionate hunger between them. The insecurity that had momentarily clouded the atmosphere was forgotten as their desires took over.

Elena, having finished her shower and sensing the shift in energy, approached the living room. She paused in the doorway, a smile playing on her lips as she watched her two lovers entangled in a passionate embrace. It was moments like these that reminded her of the depth of their connection. She cleared her throat softly, announcing her presence. Maya and Carina broke their kiss, their flushed faces turning towards Elena.

"Looks like I interrupted something," Elena said with a smirk.

Maya grinned, pulling Elena into their embrace. "Not at all. You're just in time to join the fun."

Maya's fingers fumbled with the buttons of Carina's blouse, her eagerness making her hands tremble. The sound of fabric hitting the floor was followed by a momentary pause as Carina's bra joined the pile.

Elena, standing by the bed, couldn't help but watch with a hunger in her eyes. She had always admired Carina's curves, but seeing her now, in the throes of passion, ignited a longing that she couldn't resist. Her lips found Maya's neck, leaving a trail of soft, wet kisses that made Maya's breath catch.

Carina's hands, determined and possessive, slid down Maya's back and gripped her hips. She pulled her closer, their bodies pressed together, a perfect fusion of desire. Maya's nails dug into Carina's shoulders as their lips met in a fervent, hungry kiss.

The room was filled with the sound of their ragged breaths and the soft rustling of sheets as they tumbled onto the bed, limbs entangled. The sensation of skin against skin sent electric shocks through their bodies, their moans of pleasure punctuating the air.

They weren't holding back tonight. The earlier jealousy had lit a fire in them, and they gave in to the primal need to possess and be possessed. Elena's fingers traced patterns of desire along Maya's inner thighs, while Carina explored every curve and contour of Elena's body with a fervor that left her breathless.

Hours seemed to blur together as they explored each other's desires. They switched partners, their lips and hands seeking out new heights of ecstasy. The room became a sanctuary for their passion, where inhibitions faded away, and they were free to express their deepest desires.

[iwrite-sinsandtragedies]

"The start of / the end of — a movie I've seen... before." [prev.]

Step 3 is finished ..•ᐠ.˙( ੭˘ ³˘)੭~`.•ᐟthank˙ .❤•˙. god ｡ﾟ･ﾟ✧˙..

Background below:

[CW: anxiety, depression, eating disorder, PTSD, survivors guilt, Attempted Suicide and Depictions of Self-Harm]

Song: Lizzy McAlpine - ceilings

—

Like a pearl, Ai grows into something preciously beautiful and refined with each passing day. She is not perfect, not as strong as you would expect, but there is something of a quality in her so fine that she is still coveted by those that have found her.

There's an air of grace and confidence in how she moves and acts, learned in part from all her passionate years of dance. Her voice is like crystal chimes, an instrument of music and always two steps from another sweet and tinkling laugh. She's warm and bright with stars in her eyes and love in her heart, influenced through the years in all the very best ways by her family and friends.

And she's not perfect. It's something that has to be said because many people like to think that she is - that the refinement of her self at this blossoming age has been something she never had to work for - but those people simply don't know Ai one bit.

After 13 Ai went through some of the hardest years of her young life. Learning to let people love her (that they could love her - that she was someone to love) learning to let herself change and fail without the fear that it would destroy everything she had grown to love as well. There were still things she had never expressed to her family, likely never would. They still didn't know about the full story of the car crash or why it affected her so, it was something she wouldn't even tell her therapist, and it put a lot of delay on her growth as people struggled to find the source of her ever present anxiety and guilt at simply existing in a world that her first family did not.

But there were lights to guide her: Only Cove, Cliff, Derek and Lee at first - sometimes Ma, when Ai was desperate, eventually mom and Liz as years moved on - but eventually Miranda grew, stubbornly, into the garden of her life and Terri and Jude quickly came with her. They curled around her walls like ivy, surrounded her lonely tower with life and beauty and wonder. With love.

And time passed, and Ai grew with them.

It was Jude that first heard the full tale of the car accident (Miranda was having a sleepover and he found Ai alone, crying in the kitchen after an especially terrible nightmare, he sat there with her all night - listened to her - made her feel safe). The next person to find out was Cliff, who had helped her moms go searching for the girl after an especially terrible fight (they sat in the grass, Ai tucked tightly under his one arm as she cried into his chest. Despite all her beliefs that he wouldn't - Cliff stayed. He said he would always stay). Surprisingly, she was never able to tell the story to Cove. Despite being her dearest, closest everything, Ai was always too afraid for his gentle heart to burden him like that. And so, with her world just a little more wider, a little more brighter, she continued to grow.

When her 18th summer came, Ai couldn't tell you what she had been expecting of it, honestly. Despite all her hard work, all her scholarships and diplomas and good grades, despite the money she'd saved and the plans she'd made. Despite the friends and family she had gained and, most of all, despite all of her growth - Ai suddenly found herself feeling like she did way back then.

Like she was 6 years old all over again.

Her world was suddenly so big and scary and irreversibly about to change before her very eyes and there was no promise she wouldn't be alone again when everything stopped spinning. She hated it.

So, she clung tighter to what she had grown and built. Pulled close everything she cherished, dug her nails in until it bled. She wouldn't expand on her plans when asked, she didn't want to think about them anymore. She just wanted to see tomorrow come and go as it had gone every other day before.

She didn't want to lose everything again.

And so, a Mr. Baxter Alexander Ward was - as he so often would be in her life - the wrench that completely shattered all her plans.

And she loved him.

That first day, that first moment, when he appeared in her life on a quiet sunny street - Ai couldn’t have known what Baxter was going to become to her - but what she did know, as she wrapped him up tight in that warm and welcoming embrace, was that she didn’t want to let him go. That she wanted to hold him close. That he was precious.

That feeling grew with each new day. It was as terrifying as it was exhilarating. He was new, he was change but he wasn’t a bad change. Baxter, like a memory - like a step in a dance she had almost forgotten to take - fit perfectly into a part of herself that she hadn’t thought to still exist. He was her fire, the spark of wildness of her youth that had her take chances and risks that would add gray hairs to her mother’s heads had they only known about it. He looked at her with that smile and all she could ever do was helplessly smile back, only ever take his offered hand at each and every single chance.

They danced and danced and danced until she was dizzy from the spinning and laughing and completely irreversibly in love with him.

And when he faltered, she was there to catch his hand and lead him back.

And they danced.

Into the ocean shallows, into the sprinkle damp grass. After the jingle of summers tune or wrapped up in his clothes, under sparkling night skies. They danced. In early mornings and late evenings, half asleep or a bit tipsy. Stumbling over a creek or on a ship at sea. They danced. Smelling of midnight sweets, dressed up classy or silly or comfy and warm. They danced.

Quietly and closely in the night as they kissed - they danced.

And she loved him.

And it broke her heart.

Song: Lauren Aquilina - Forest Fires

Unbeknownst to Baxter, when he left, he took much much more than just Ai’s 18th summer with him. Much more.

It was as if that fire he had set in her had spread to the very tower in which she lived. All the love and comfort and growth, all the work and hard won progress through every difficult year, all of it went up in a sickening black smoke. All of it burned away like car oil and ash and left her exactly as she had felt on that day when her world had terribly changed.

And Ai broke.

In the following months, the girl everyone had grown to cherish and love became a shell of her former self. The first weeks were the worst - having to watch her waste away with each missed meal and nightmare that kept her awake. Cove slipped through her window nearly every single night, only sleeping in his own bed when she was slipping through his window instead.

Though worried, her friends initially kept their distance on the request of her parents, who worried about her fragile state and wanted to give her time to process and heal. The moment Jude found out about this, he showed up at Ai’s front door and gave everyone a piece of his mind (ultimately, this was the day that the rest of the family found out about the full story behind the car crash). Now, more than ever, was the time they needed to be there for Ai.

The sudden reintroduction of all her dearly loved ones seemed to help things. She started eating, eventually even started to smile again. Found her long lost laugh. The mom’s stopped hearing her nightmares. With each day the world seemed brighter - better - like things might almost be back to okay.

Ai was smiling again.

And so no one expected her attempted suicide.

It was Cove who walked into the kitchen this time. He wasn’t as lucky as Elizabeth - Ai hadn’t missed the artery this time. He had never seen her covered in so much red.

It was little comfort that, while he tried to save her life, Ai's own eyes looked as terrified as his.

But she didn’t die.

No, she survived. She always survived. As little as she wanted to, as little as she believed she deserved to, Ai was still alive.

And she wasn’t alone. That was the part that surprised her most.

Despite the fire - the flames of Baxter’s light that still burned her alive - the world around her tower once again started to grow. Because her mother’s held her as they cried, and her sister wouldn’t let her go. Because Cliff and Cove did exactly the same, because they stayed and would always stay - despite everything they stayed with her. And everywhere she looked, she found another hand and another face that loved her (in Derek and Miranda and Jude and Terri and Lee and more) and the ivy that they planted stubbornly clung to her, and refused to let her go.

Continued to grow.

Ai was never quite the same after Baxter left. She never shone as bright, never laughed in that sweet and tinkling way that they all remembered - but Ai was alive. And maybe she was a bit more quiet now, and maybe she hid behind her hair most of the time, but she was still Ai.

Not perfect. Not as strong as you would expect. Yet still so so endlessly precious to all those who have ever found her. And loved.

[theconstitutionisgayculture]

Same anon that's something the supreme Court question. Why do you say it like they are defending it when I have seen multiple people say they don't care about the Constitution either? Like aren't they the ones that overturning roe v wade and there's a possibility they will make same-sex marriages illegal again with all this project 2025 stuff that's going up?

speaking about that, is Biden actually accomplishing those goals? And please make this very clear with facts. This may require you to write up a longer post about this but I think I really want to understand if that is a fear monitoring thing or if this is another "Dems are bad, gop good" shit

First of all, Roe v Wade was always bad law. The idea that the right to privacy means a right to legal abortions never made sense, morally or constitutionally, and it never should have been in place at all, let alone for as long as it was. The Supreme Court overturning unconstitutional laws and reversing unconstitutional decisions is literally why it exists. The Constitution empowers the court for that very reason. If you want other examples of the court protecting the constitution, just look at the Heller decision, or any of the other decisions rolling back unconstitutional gun laws in the past few years. Look also at Matal v Tam, in which the court unanimously ruled that the government can't ban speech just because it's offensive. Which means that there can be no laws against so-called hate speech in the US, and the Orwellian tyranny you see all over Europe under the guise of combating "hate speech" can never legally happen here. Which is a massive win for free speech and the entire reason the 1st Amendment was written.

As for gay marriage getting overturned, it's incredibly unlikely, since there are zero court cases about gay marriage going on right now and the Supreme Court can't just make rulings out of nothing (much to the frustration of more than a few people, I'm sure) it's basically a non-issue. If you're referring to what Clarence Thomas said about gay marriage in his majority opinion overturning Roe, he specifically said that this ruling shouldn't be used as justification to overturn the Obergefell v. Hodges decision on its own, though he did say that those decisions deserve another look. And he's right. Obergefell is another case of an activist court inventing rights out of thin air. There is no such thing as the right to marriage, for gay or straight people. It should be overturned, and the issue of defining legal marriage should be left up to individual states, as the Constitution intended (see the 10th Amendment).

I've been asked about Project 2025 before, and I'll tell you what I told the last anon, as far as I can tell, it's a pile of nothing. It's a group of policy proposals made by a bunch of conservative political commenters I've never heard of, who, as far as I know, have no connection to any Republican political campaign or the RNC. No one on the right is talking about the project. No politicians have come out in support of it. No campaigns have said they're going to implement those policies. Project 2025 is a left-wing boogeyman, and not even one that's getting a lot of traction in left wing circles since the only time I've ever seen anyone talking about it has been in my ask box and a few fringe far left conspiracy sites that came up when I originally tried to figure out what it was. It's the left attempt to have their own Agenda 2030 to be scared and angry about, except there aren't any international organizations trying to get the governments of the world to adopt their policies.

speaking about that, is Biden actually accomplishing those goals?

So, I really don't know what you mean by this. What goals?

[knightinink]

Blitzo & Fizzarolli: Some Character Analysis

I've been thinking about this ever since ep7 came out, & the scene of a teenage Blitzo & Fizzarolli walking home after the Mammon concert has revealed a part of their relationship dynamic when they were younger.

Wherever Blitzo goes, Fizz will follow, & Blitzo protects him from danger.

Just from watching them, it's apparent to me that between the two of them, Fizz is a lot more self-conscious & sensitive than Blitzo is, and is a more "wears his heart on his sleeve" type of person. Fizz strikes me as someone who would want to help someone if he could, even if it makes him uncomfortable (ex: the fizz-bots Mammon wanted). Fizz could very easily get himself stuck in situations he doesn't particularly want to be in, as he doesn't stick up for himself.

One reason he & Blitzo go together so well is because Blitzo does, & we've seen that during their interaction with Creepzo. Fizz is immediately uncomfortable & Blitzo notices, & he starts threatening the guy to beat it or he's gonna make him swallow his fangs. But Fizz doesn't pull away, clearly not wanting this interaction to be happening right now, but it's like he doesn't know how to say "no", and eventually just ends it with "We have to go now, thanks though!" in a falsely-polite tone.

I LOVE this next short scene because of Fizz's body language.

Fizz is still hunched inwards & hugging himself, clearly uncomfortable & attempting to self-soothe, but he looks back at the guy as he forlornly screams his name. This gives me the impression that Fizz feels bad for making the guy upset, and even though he was being a massive creep, Fizz would've possibly turned back to apologize & would work something out with the guy to make him feel better (i.e. what I think happened with both Cash & Mammon, as both are manipulative to get what they want & Blitzo wasn't there to stop them).

But when he looked back at Blitzo & noticed he hadn't stopped walking, he quickly kept by him, as if seeing his best friend ignore the guy snapped him out of what would've been a very dangerous decision, & Fizz kept going.

& we see that Blitzo's instincts were correct to get Fizz out of there, because as soon as he leaves, Creepzo drops the sad act & starts angrily hurling insults at Fizz, showing his true nature.

"Fine, fuck you! You think you're better than me you elitist prick? Your act's fucking trash anyways!"

& while this comment clearly upsets Fizz, he keeps on following Blitzo away from the danger, trusting the other imp to keep him safe. Once they're away from the immediate threat, it's time for Blitzo to do damage control.

We can tell from Fizz's body language that, even though he's this successful & renowned circus performer, he's still really self-conscious & doesn't think he's as good as he is. He's been working to get where he is for practically his entire life, & still it only takes one person's nasty comment to bring him crashing down.

"What if my acts are trash? What if I'm never good enough?"

"Hey, don't let one asshole get to you, okay? You are plenty good enough!"

Blitzo isn't just saying that to make Fizz feel better in the moment, he's saying it because he genuinely means it, & he knows just how good the other imp is at what he does, even if he doesn't see it. Blitzo cares so much about Fizzarolli, & hates seeing him upset, which is why his next instinct after the danger is gone is to comfort & reassure him.

I think that, as a teenager himself, Blitzo is also self-conscious to a degree (& we see him spiral into his self-hatred tendencies as an adult & that had to start somewhere), but he's much better at concealing it than Fizz is. We know people's opinion of him (aka. Cash) & how Creepzo didn't acknowledge him as a performer at the same circus Fizz works for, so it's assumed that people know he isn't as good as Fizz is. And while it hurts him, Blitzo has been toughened by the world in a different way than Fizz has, hence why he reacts the way he does.

They were both forced to grow up too fast, being circus performers from their childhood & in their teenage years & being hardened by the world comes with that, but it affected Blitzo & Fizz differently where Blitzo would rather give the cold-shoulder & tell people to fuck off while Fizz is much more emotionally-inclined & is more likely to give in against what he wants.

Blitzo puts his opinion of himself above others, but Fizz is the exact opposite, feeling like he constantly needs to prove himself to others & who's opinions really don't matter. Fizz craves validation & Blitzo wants him to see that no one's opinion matters but his own, & once Fizz can see himself for the amazing, talented individual he is, he will be happier & more confidant than he ever was before.

But, unfortunately, because they were separated, Fizz was manipulated by Mammon into doing things he didn't want to do, all because he felt like he needed to prove himself & that he was still good enough.

-

Thanks for reading this angst fest! Here's some happy Blitzo & Fizz for getting through to the end, to lift the mood a bit!