#I've reached the stage where I'm rambling about them

[alexiethymia]

Boiling Hot Iron vs Lukewarm Water

Maomao's Way of Affection Part 2

[LN 12 spoilers]

I AM ACTUALLY FOAMING AT THE MOUTH. I mean I read it somewhere, but apparently yes, Maomao does initiate the kiss in the light novel. Even if she did accept his feelings, I always thought that it might have been too fast the way she was ready for a night visit already, but I always chalked it up to her upbringing in the pleasure district and her being fifty-fifty that Jinshi wouldn't actually try anything. But the fact that she is the one to actually instigate a kiss, and quite a sweet one at that, while Jinshi was sleeping. This scene in LN 12 really is in contrast to the scene in LN 5 where it was Jinshi who forced the kiss, and even to later on when Maomao ends up falling asleep and Jinshi restrains himself to a kiss on the forehead for replenishment.

It's hard to be coherent with my ramblings but one of the reasons why I love this series is the slow burn on Maomao's part which is really fulfilling, and the slight angst we get because of that, and not just on Jinshi's part.

Below is a translation from the Spanish translation of LN 12:

She just doesn't get it. He wants to step down from his position near the top of the country for a purpose. If that purpose was MaoMao himself, he would definitely have gone mad.

It's as hot as cast iron.

Maomao is not interested in such blazing heat. The only thing she can give back is a warm temperature.

Slowly puts his hand on Mr. Jinshi's cheek and feels his body temperature, which is the same as warm water. Her cheek was slightly colder. His eyelids were completely closed and he rubbed his cheek against my hand like a kitten to be pet. Looks like he sleeps, like he feels safe.

Maomao seems to struggle with the inequality of Jinshi's feelings and hers. She compares Jinshi's feelings to hot cast iron, and hers to warm water. And no wonder, to her, Jinshi willing to give up everything, including his position, for her, seems to be such a passionate love. As much as she snarks and would rather say that she could just do without all of Jinshi's gestures (*cough branding himself for example, this damn masochist cough*), she recognizes how much Jinshi has given up and is willing to give up for her, not to mention all that he has in fact given her.

She even goes to say, "I don't even have anything in return for you." When she says this line, I think that she isn't just referring to being unable to return the depth of Jinshi's feelings, but even their difference in position. As Suiren observes, despite Maomao's forthrightness, perhaps because of the environment they're in, she is very much aware of her station.

It's such a melancholic line coming from her. It seems to me as if she really is afraid of hurting Jinshi. She already doesn't like the thought of Jinshi being hurt like Luomen, but now she also doesn't want to be the one to hurt him. On top of that, for the normally aloof Maomao, it may be that she's starting to feel unconfident precisely because of the difference in position.

Maomao strikes me as a person who wants to be used. Even when she wasn't in love with Jinshi yet, she always seemed to want to be praised for doing a good job. So for her to think that it's just her who keeps receiving and receiving, while not being able to give anything back, the inequality (this time going in the reverse direction) must bother her a lot. She never used to care so for her to feel different from how she usually does because of Jinshi - caring about him, being unsure of herself because of him - oh she must hate how that feels so no wonder she wants to remove herself from the equation. But alas, it's too late.

Unlike Maomao though, I don't think that there's such a disparity between her feelings and Jinshi's despite that she describes his feelings as boiling hot and hers as warm. Yes definitely I feel that Jinshi's feelings may be stronger, but I feel that Maomao's is actually closer to his than she thinks. I think it may be because the nature of their feelings may be strongly influenced by their past.

Jinshi has always had the things he's loved taken from him. He wasn't allowed to prioritize a single thing or a single person because of the responsibilities he's had to assume from such a young age. Sure he's childish now but that may be because he had to grow up fast. Of course he would be desperate and slightly bit manic when it comes finally falling in love. He'll always feel that Maomao will be taken away from him unless he does something about it with his own hands.

Meanwhile, because of Maomao's complicated past with her birth parents, it's no wonder that Jinshi's passion unnerves her. Remember it was that same passion that caused her mother to hurt her. No wonder she doesn't want it. But when it comes to that feeling called love, that's the only version she recognizes because that's what she's been surrounded with in the pleasure district and even in the rear palace - lust imitating love, or even if it was love, a passionate and all-consuming love that destroys everything in its path.

But what does Jinshi make her feel? Trust. Safety. Even if her rational mind tells her that people's feelings change, Jinshi's constant proclamations that he will make everything be ok so that the both of them can be together may in fact actually reassure her. Heck, perhaps that was why Maomao goaded him to make that verbal confession a while back, precisely so she could have that assurance. She doesn't recognize it because she's never seen or had it, but perhaps this stability is something she's wanted her whole life. And I would say her feelings for Jinshi are nearly as strong as his for her, precisely because she feels for him the same way he makes her feel. Nothing passionate but also uncertain. But rather something warm and can be relied on. It's a feeling that pushes her to want to see him safe and healthy. It's a comforting and homey feeling that allows her to relax. And for Maomao who's always considered herself frigid, for her frozen heart to feel that warmth is also a tiny miracle in a way.

Jinshi is childish. Maomao is weird. But apart from their extremes, they're actually a lot alike - engrossed in their work, willful, but ultimately just. Apart from anything else, they're at ease when they can talk to each other. It's actually interesting for me to see how those emotions develop from Maomao's side since Jinshi is giving her space to take things at her own pace, another slow burn in a way. But while Jinshi's love is loud, Maomao's love is quiet. Even before this admission, it was always there, in the soft touches to the hair or cheeks, in being a refuge for rest and sleep, in her worry when he was overworking himself. The moment I would pinpoint that Maomao had actually already fallen in love with Jinshi was when she was contemplating Enen and Yao's relationship. She thinks to herself, "the more you cared for someone, the more you wanted a say in how they behaved - especially if that behavior involved hurting themselves." Now doesn't that sound familiar?

*Note - because I loved it and I'm impatient I'll share the translations for that particular scene in LN 12 in the comments section. One is translated from the Spanish version, while the other is translated from the Korean version. I got all of this from facebook. I'm quite interested to see how it'll come out in the English version.

[lichenes]

OMG I'M SO GLAD SOMEONE IS WRITING ABT SKI AGGUUUUU. there's so many joost fics (which I love) but I've been looking for aggu fics in the depths of the internet for soo long ( ´_ゝ｀)

~

anyways, can i please request something where the reader catches the eye of aggu during a concert or smth, and the whole interaction between them is cute and flirtatious? ski aggu is a BIG ladies man, so, reader is obviously falling for his pick-up lines ect. thank you!! ^3^

Literally! Where are the Aggu fics?? I've seen edits of this man with 19k likes on tiktok and literally noody is posting abt him here!! Anyway! Once again, need him biblically. I'm a sucker for irl scenarios :"") Loosely based on that one video of sbd holding Aggu's hand; jealous. Enjoooy<3 CW: flirting wc: 686

•───────•°•❀•°•───────••────────•°•❀•°•────────•

The crowd, alongside you, was singing the lyrics to “wie du manchmal fehlst”. You were standing in the first row, mesmerised by Aggu’s form. Throughout the night he would run around the stage but during this song he walked closer to the crowd. You realised at that moment that he was making a beeline for you. You quickly thanked your earlier self for wearing something revealing and extended your arm towards him. 

When your fingers connected with his own your brain short-circuited. Suddenly the room started spinning. You were literally holding Aggu’s hand. You kept singing hoping your singing skills were satisfactory, if he heard them. He looked down at you and gave you a smile as if to reassure you that it was happening in real life. You saw his grills alongside the grin he flashed you and my god, did he look good from that point of view.

He moved around near the crowd for a moment more and went back to his usual theatrics. You got a video of him holding your hand which might’ve been the happiest moment of your life so far. He moved away from you after a moment of closeness to get close to other fans, avoiding holding hands with anyone else. The song was one of the last ones he performed so not long after he said his goodbyes he walked backstage. 

After the concert Aggu posted a story in English pertaining to the person who held his hand. It so happened to be you. You dm’d him, sending the video as proof if he wanted it. He didn’t answer quickly. Your anxiety was rising with each passing hour. Suddenly when you were just about to go to sleep, you heard a notification. “How’d you like the concert?” 

You couldn’t believe this. “I loved it!! I honestly was sooo happy when I got the tickets and-” You stopped for a moment, deleting the message entirely. “It was lovely!” You tried to seem nonchalant but it couldn’t be denied that you were fucking texting The Ski Aggu. He sent you a voice message.

…

Holy shit. Did he expect one back? What did he say? What was even going on?! “Mmm, glad you liked it. I couldn’t help but notice such a beautiful person among the crowd.” It was only a few seconds long but it made your heart flutter like a ballad sung by the greatest singer to ever live. You gathered all your courage and pressed ‘record’. You rambled for a minute straight and when your phone buzzed with the message reaching its full capability you decided against sending it. ‘Okay. We can do this.’ You thought about what you wanted to say and attempted to try again. Then a message popped up. “Hesitating gorgeous?” 

…oh my god.

“I wouldn’t dream of it.” You responded, quickly regretting your decision. He saw the message and started typing. “Good.” Your heart stopped for a second. You pressed record and began rambling once more. Sent. Okay. Alright. “You’ve got a voice as gorgeous as your face angel.” The answer came quicker than you expected. He sent another voice message. “I was thinking, maybe you’d like to meet up today? I heard you’ve got great clubs here.” 

You were frantically getting ready, suddenly forgetting how to do eyeliner and what clothes suited you the best. “I’m here.” You read the message in your notifications. You brushed your teeth quickly and ran out the door, almost breaking a leg on the stairs. You saw him in his car waiting, scrolling through tiktok. He was wearing his usual clothes and you started feeling a bit too overdressed. His reaction to your appearance swept you off your feet. 

“Hi dov-” Looking up from his phone he saw what he would describe as the embodiment of the word breathtaking. His jaw almost went slack from seeing you in those clothes. “My goodness, you’re even more beautiful now. How’d you do that?” You blushed. “Tried my best with what I have.” He looked at you with lust in his eyes. “Oh and you’ve got so much.” 

•───────•°•❀•°•───────••────────•°•❀•°•────────• masterlist

[catboybiologist]

Wanted to ask about this for a while but you had asks off, you mentioned having experienced hetero(ish) relationships from "both sides", so like, do you have any interesting observations or perspectives you think most people don't know about?

Ah yes, the bisexual transgender eye. There's lots to say here, and I don't think much of it hasn't been said before. I don't think my observations are limited to what I'm rambling about here, but here's some surface level ones.

Btw, this is probably going to be my post with the most weirdly gendered thing of anything I've posted here. I hope its abundantly clear that I don't think any of this intrinsic or morally good, its just my observation on how heterosexuals act towards each other while dating. This isn't about the boxes men and women should be in, its about the boxes that society has put them in.

I think that dating apps are intensifying stereotypical "masculine" and "feminine" dating roles in heterosexual relationships. Eg, encouraging men to "take the intitiative", oftentimes enabling harassing behavior in the process. This, in turn, forces women to screen and shut down men extremely harshly. Except, because of the entire dynamic that's being set up now, this makes a lot of men think women are "playing the game", and again, enables harassment from them.

I recently deleted all my dating apps, but even before then, I had them set to women and enbies/other only for a long time. Her was my primary app, but it has a very small userbase where I live.

Irl, men absolutely take the initiative more than women, but less aggressively than online. There's a huge added element of fear because of the in person aspect, however, and when meeting up, men can be extremely pushy.

The "toxic girlboss" angle of this is that this is often fun to play with. If you're clearly communicating in a serious context, and have established systems of consent that extend to communication as well as the bedroom, playing with "the chase" is... intoxicating. Having a man wrapped around your finger is really fucking fun. It has to feel safe and fun for both parties involved, though. You need to be able to "break character" at any point and have direct conversations, either about boundaries or directly communicating a want or need.

Obviously I haven't publicly been a woman for very long, so my experience isn't vast and limitless or anything. But I've had a few wonderful romantic entanglements with men already. Luckily for me, one of these is ongoing 😘

As for some of the people I've talked to, but never gotten far with.... cishet men are really stupid. I'm sorry but like. Y'all are. There's a lot to be said about how society normalizes male incompetence in heterosexual relationships (eg, the dopey husband stereotype) but I think this also extends to the early stages of a relationship. Men very frequently bitch and moan about "games" while not realizing that they play just as many "games" themselves. Oftentimes, those games involve being overly pushy with everything, and then not communicating their own limits and what they want out of a situation, expecting women to figure it all out for them. Eg, they want to bring forward unlimited energy and pushiness, but expect women to be the ones that whittle them down to what they actually want. This applies both romantically and sexually. Men have a lot of emotional needs, of course, and yes its a problem that they're often not met. But a huge part of that is society discouraging them from openly communicating what they want.

I guess to summarize all of this, I feel like so much of modern dating is essentially a process of elimination, where men are constantly encouraged to push and say yes, and women are constantly encouraged to shut them down for their own safety, and if they're lucky, they eventually reach a healthy dynamic by sheer process of elimination. Which... really isn't fun, and leaves a lot of room open for frustration.

Queer relationships and flirting provide a lot of open communication that hetero dynamics don't. I've had the most luck in "heterosexual" dynamics with queer or queer adjacent people, and literally everyone I've ever gotten past the initial stages of "talking" with has been at least a little bi, by their own admission. It's not that straight men aren't interested in me, or that straight women weren't interested in me before, its just that these are the people who will understand my existence as a queer woman the best and communicate with me the most openly.

I probably could say more, but that's a summary, I guess. I know its weird and stereotypical, but unfortunately, heterosexual dating is pretty much the most gendered possible environment you could be in. I feel like Jane Goodall in there sometimes, but hey. Ya gotta do what you gotta do.

[minotaurcircuits]

*free pass to yap about any character/ship you want*

actually maybe this is my excuse to ramble about to break in a glove for entirely too many words. sorry if you wanted something else, anon, i've got fucking Thoughts

so like, to break in a glove isn't my favorite song to listen to off the soundtrack or anything, but i do fucking love how it's positioned as like, an exploration of larry's parenting strategies and his grief, and it's really good at doing that, and it also works as a great high for evan before everything finally crashes down around him

however, it also buries the lead in the first few lines.

"but he left it in the bag, with the tag still on"

so, we learn in the novel that connor's an artist, a reader. the various stage sets of his room reflect this, with the space largely populated with books over any other sort of clutter. evan even comments, when he's in connor's room for the first time, that he feels a kinship with him, because there's absolutely nothing sports related in connor's room, which is something they have in common.

and yet, larry's attempt to reach out was a baseball glove

there's also the inherent specificity in the fact that larry tells evan to keep it. despite the way larry says he bought the glove "a thousand years ago", it's an adult sized glove, if it had been bought for a little kid, it would be of no use to evan, so larry wouldn't have offered it. this wasn't like, trying to get connor interested in little league when he was a kid, this was bought recently, after connor developed a personality, at a point at which larry should have known at least the broad strokes of connor's interests

or at least, he'd know that connor doesn't play any sports, and really never has.

just, that continuing thread of the way people wanted connor to engage on their terms, and never engaged with him on his.

there's also the way it works as an evan-connor parallel moment, especially with the context that evan also doesn't like, really actually do sports either, because connor clearly saw it for what it was, a gift for the son his father wanted instead of the one he actually had, overly self-indulgent, more a gift for larry than for connor, and thus, he left it in the bag without a second thought, because he had no interest in it.

evan, though, who hasn't had a dad solidly in his life since he was little, is bonding with larry in this moment, and sees the glove as, this symbol of a father-son relationship that he's never had.

actually while i'm talking about parents and evan-connor parallel moments. god there's this BRILLIANT bit in the novel, when connor's hanging around the hospital, afterwards, and sees heidi looking up those college essays for evan, and comments on how he can't picture cynthia doing that sort of thing for him, "even though i was her life's work". just, the way that completes the parallel between connor and evan, the way evan wanted the stability of the murphys, but connor just wanted the sort of affection and care that heidi offers, that willingness to engage with evan on his level, in a way no one ever engaged with connor.

(which frankly i think could be a fucking fascinating dynamic to explore for someone writing one of those fandom-classic "connor lives and also him and evan actually become friends" fics, because holy shit the potential, but i digress)

my point with this whole post, is that the baseball glove is a microcosm of the failures that led to where connor ended up. that unwillingness on larry's part (on everyone's part, really), to engage with who connor was instead of who larry wanted him to be. like, yeah, the baseball glove was a genuine attempt to reach out to his son, but the fact that it was a baseball glove, singularly one of larry's interests, instead of anything that might actually bridge a gap between them, is a sign of how everyone ended up where they did.

yet another sign of the way people refused to meet connor where he was.

[salchat]

So, here's another Dean. This one's in neocolor crayon, which are very soft crayons - you can use water with them, but I haven't here, because the paper's newsprint and it would fall to pieces very quickly if I used water.

While I was drawing, I was pondering various arty matters. Mainly, how some art/craft posts - mostly on Facebook rather than here - irritate the hell out of me. You know the ones. Where there's some amazing piece of art/craft, but the caption is something like, 'please be kind - it's my first time!' When it's blatantly not their first time, unless art and craft is just plain easy, which it isn't. Anyway, I'm not sure why people make those posts - for others to comment how amazing they are? I suppose. But it must be pretty hollow to receive such compliments. Unless it really is their first time. And even then...

So, anyway, it made me think, why do I post my art? What exactly do I get out of it? Do I do it to receive validation in the form of compliments? I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that, but I just wanted to be really honest with myself. And also, why do I make art in the first place and why this particular type of art, drawing the same characters over and over?

Well, I think I draw for the same, or similar reasons that I write - because it's my own world, that I can control. There's comfort there, isn't there? And comfort in the characters I draw and write about - they're not called comfort characters for nothing, after all. And they're beautiful, aren't they? They're just damn beautiful. Why wouldn't I want to draw them?

So, I guess I want to pour my love into creating something beautiful, or as near beauty as I can get. And I choose to do that with my crayons or my charcoal or my pastels because I love those things too - their colours, the way they spread, the way you can make big, soft marks or sharp, dark marks, the way you can smush them around with your fingers, the way you can just mess about and sometimes it doesn't work and sometimes you get an amazing effect that you didn't know was possible. I love drawing randomly, roughly, searching and searching until I find what I want.

But why post online? Hmm... Well, yes, it is nice when people think what I've created is technically skilful. I have an ego that likes to be stroked, same as anyone else. But if that was the only reason, I'd probably cheat. Some people do. And if that makes them happy, who am I to criticize?

Anyway, I think what I'm after is connection, which is in no way an original thought. That's what makes fandom so wonderful, isn't it? The way you can find connections with other people all over the world. I think when I post, I'm looking for people who love the same kinds of things that I do - the same characters, obviously, but also the same kind of approach to art. The colours and the roughness, the playfulness and the 'continuing mission' to find beauty. I think I post in the hopes that someone will see my art and think, 'hey, I like that.' And that they'll feel a little spark of joy.

I think that's what all our fan creations are about. You get the firework of joy and excitement that goes off when you create your story or your picture and then, around the fandom world, other people get a spark struck from your joy. Which is pretty flowery stuff, but, hey - I'm a writer, aren't I?

That's enough rambling. Nearly. Because I also want to do the thing I often do, which is totally anti the 'it's my first time!' kind of posts. This is very far from my first time and I want you to see the crappiness of my progress shots, because it's important to know that there's almost always a lot of crappy stages before you reach something you consider beautiful. Not perfect. I'm not after perfection, which is impossible anyway, and I would never say any of my stuff is perfect because it's far from perfect and I don't want that - I want life and humanity and striving toward something.

I'm gonna shut up now, because there are burgers to be cooked and chocolate cake to be eaten, and hey! Doctor Who's on soon! Bye!

[adhdtsukasa]

WXS OCHAME KINOU FINALLY RELEASED OFFICIALLY and i wanna ramble about the line distribution because it killed my grandma and it's becoming one of my favorite wxs covers all time. (at first i just wanted to talk about the emu solo line... but oh well...)

(the credit is on the screens, but the video belongs to yann__94 on yt!)

obviously rui got this line, it couldn't be any other way!! after all, this precisely *is* what rui's role mainly is. he's the stage director, the one who's supposed to make everything work well — and it only intensifies after backlight lens flare, where it was recognized even further from what i've seen. because i didn't watch the entirety of it yet. i'm waiting for my summer break to catch up on events

wonderland sekai!!! that sounds like a sole definition of wonderlands sekai to me. (and is only a furthermore proof why ochame kinou is so wxs coded that it even sounds like a wxs comm)

and this is what i wanted to talk about from the very beginning — because this is so cuteeee..... "is your birthday ahead" and they're releasing it just ten days before tsukasa's birthday? Hey. emu being the one who sing this line just adds to the adorableness because i'm not saying that nene and rui wouldn't do so, but combined with the way emu sings just makes me see the mental image of emu dragging tsukasa with her and just going "cmon cmon tsukasakun it's your birthday soon we need to have fun". which is honestly very accurate i think. she's the designated sun of the wxs, after all

but maybe i'm just biased because i love platonic emukasa as i already said countless of times 🫶🫶

THIS LINE ON THE OTHER HAND MAKES ME SO SAD and i don't call me a sadkaser because this is not meant to be, maybe i'm just reaching too much because i'm too kidkasa pilled from writing a thing for his birthday, but,,, yeah, it screams dazzling to me. because that's how tsukasa was as a kid, right? if you behave well and let them see you're the strong one, you'll be happy — but you still need to have faith that tomorrow will be a better day.

again, that only makes this cover releasing right before tsukasa's birthday even more foul lol.

and i don't have much to say about this line... i'm just glad to see that emu got to still have her dreamer motif here. makes me very happy.

and last but not least, polysho ruined lives

[shineesbackbitches]

Whipped

౨ৎ summary: "He retreated to join Jungkook and Mingyu at the table, and immediately upon Eunwoo sliding into the chair, Jungkook rounded on him. “I brought you here to get snacks, not flirt with my friend!” He complained, hands curled tightly into fists and pressing into the table top. Eunwoo doesn't look up as he carefully removes his heaping slice of Your Hope Your Angel Food Cake from the bag, setting the box before him.

“Mingyu was the one flirting.” Ruthlessly, Eunwoo tosses Mingyu to the wolves (or wolf, he supposed, since it was just Jungkook), effectively distracting Jungkook."

౨ৎ pairing: Eunwoo x Reader

౨ৎ genre: bakery AU, first meeting, series, fluff, crack, series, peachesndreams

౨ৎ word count: 4.6k

౨ৎ warnings: Jungkook and Mingyu being embarassing as hell, they're literally a nightmare duo to the customer service industry, multiple failed attempts at flirting, brief mention of pot brownies but there are no pot brownies, Reader gets kind of shy around Eunwoo for a hot second, meet cute

౨ৎ author note: this one goes out to all the readers who have to hella suspend disbelief for like, every fic ever. Any time a reader eats something or eats out at a restaurant I'm like, "oh, did I😬" bc me and my severe asf food allergies could never. So I've decided to do it to myself and write an entire bakery AU that would end me irl instantly :) bon appetit besties! ⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂)⸝♡

During his many years as an idol, Eunwoo had been subjected to many interview questions. Most of the responses were automatic, drilled into him as to what to say about promotions, music, scandals, stages, dramas, diets, ideal types, dating experience (”Of course, absolutely none at all! I’m dating my fans!”), and his wonderful company—eleven out of ten, no notes. From career-focused to just fucking invasive, Eunwoo could field any question without much effort or hesitation. Perhaps a tight, sarcastic smile here or there to signal to the interviewer that they were a raging asshole, but other than that, Eunwoo had maintained his dashing idol image.

Sanha was the first to comment on the gap in his image that appeared whenever one specific topic was brought up, snickering at a cut of one of Eunwoo’s interviews reposted to Instagram. The camera had remained stubbornly focused on Eunwoo as he rambled, his eyes twinkling and face more expressive than during any other segment.

“A whole four minutes and fifty-two seconds of you yapping about your top three ice cream flavors.” Sanha had grinned, shaking his head in feigned admiration. “Incredible. I love the part where you listed your top three flavors for every ice cream place within fifteen minutes walking distance from the company.”

Okay, so maybe he could get a little carried away when food was brought up.

And okay, yeah, it didn’t really mesh with his calm, cool, collected idol image, but who could fault a man nearing a decade in the entertainment industry for letting that image fade a little? Come on, Aroha’s didn’t stick around for the idol packaging, they were in it for the shenanigans and the creative journey. After almost ten years dedicated to his career, and fielding questions about his appearance, talent, and everything in between and beyond, he had reached the conclusion that his supporters were happiest when he was happiest. So, Eunwoo decided that the logical conclusion was that he needed to prioritize his happiness. And if rambling about his favorite culinary experiences made him happy, they’d gladly indulge him.

And indulge him they did.

Countless recommendations flooded his social media. Arohas sent in their favorite restaurants, cafes, bakeries, bars, food trucks, and little hidden gems for him to explore around the world. Eunwoo appreciated it, especially since a planned destination for a good meal made traveling a little less lonely. His favorite part of reading through the recommendations were the stories that accompanied them: retellings of celebrations, all-nighters, anniversaries, first meetings, breakups, solo dates, and fuzzy nights with rowdy friends, all experienced alongside culinary delights.

Eunwoo never felt more human than when he read (and sometimes reread) these stories, snickering and occasionally choking back thick tears at their adventures. So he decided to try and visit as many places as he could, organizing the recommendations by location, and noting when recommendations overlapped.

So far, Eunwoo was proud to say that Arohas had immaculate taste. He would have never discovered the intimate little places tucked back away from the more popular roads had it not been for them. Sometimes, he would even receive specific instructions on what to order (“The green chili pork tacos are life changing, I swear. Be sure to squeeze the lime over top!”). Other times, he would just take in the atmosphere and appreciate a moment of peace. It had become Eunwoo’s method of living his life to the fullest.

There was one specific place that had more overlapping recommendations than any others that Eunwoo hadn’t found the time to visit yet. Because unlike the obscure, hole-in-the-wall locations, this place was an absolute sensation.

Haru was irrefutably the best bakery in the city. Backed by bloggers, critics, and most importantly, other idols. Okay— maybe not most important in terms of culinary status, but what better marketing for a k-pop-themed bakery than actual idols’ Instagram posts? The owner had decorated and named all of their products according to groups, albums, songs, and lyrics. Not only did it appeal to fans, but idols often stopped by to take pictures with their dedicated pastries for cute, low-effort promotional pictures.

Eunwoo had admittedly been hesitant to visit at first. After all, it could easily be chalked up to a marketing gimmick— maybe the pastries weren’t that good, but the excitement surrounding the detailed presentation made everyone tastebud blind. He had been around long enough to know that looks could definitely be deceiving. Eunwoo also knew better than to believe that every idol actually consumed the pastries, other than a bite for the ‘gram. But even when Eunwoo zoomed in on Minho’s slice of Dibidibi-Devil’s Food Cake, the fluffy crumb and moisture level looked divine. So, casting his reservations aside, Eunwoo had vowed to make it to Haru some day. He just wasn’t sure when fate would allow it with his insane schedule.

Fate allowed it a lot sooner than he had been expecting.

As of late, fate came in the form of the infamous ‘97 line group chat. Specifically, Mingyu taking the initiative to revive the damn thing with a screenshot of Monsta X posing with massive macarons, some boldly mid-bite, others gaping comically at the size, and an idol smile and a thumbs up from the never-slipping Kihyun.

Monsta X Macarons?!?!?! HerOREO flavor?!?!? They look FIRE!!! Please please please someone come with me to Haru!!

Mingyu pleaded, the fire and underlined 100 emojis spilling over an entire line in the text box.

Thank you so much for sending food porn into the chat during our comeback prep bro.

Bambam’s scathing reply was near instant, closely followed up with Yugyeom’s frowny face and middle finger emoji.

Bummer bros.

Mingyu **was such a sympathetic friend. His sincerity could never be fully realized by the slanted mouth and frustrated faces pasted at the end of his message.

Okay so Bam and Gyeom can’t hang. The other four of you quit lurking!!!

Eunwoo sent his reply.

Sure, I’ve been wanting to go.

The moment his message sent, another response barged its way into the conversation.

YOOOOOOOOOOO I’M A REGULAR THERE!!!! I’M THE OWNER’S BEST FRIEND FROM HIGH SCHOOL!!! LETS FUCKIN GOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

Jungkook’s enthusiastic message came as a bit of a surprise to Eunwoo. Jungkook had made friends in high school? Either way, he would appreciate the guidance on which pastries to try. Eunwoo had spent way too many hours scrolling Haru’s menu and display pictures late at night when he was craving something sweet. Everything looked absolutely heavenly, so he never managed to decide on an order for when he eventually visited.

His phone vibrated as the conversation continued.

Deadass bro?!?!

The deadest of asses bro

Eunwoo blinked and the three of them landed on a time and date where the stars aligned and their schedules miraculously opened up.

And that was how Eunwoo found himself in the front passenger seat of Jungkook’s car, with Mingyu occupying the back seat. Between the three of them, they only had filming and workouts scheduled before they were cleared for the remainder of the day. So in other words: it was a fucking miracle.

All three were dressed as inconspicuously as possible. Well— as inconspicuously as people with their occupations and brand sponsorships could be dressed.

Eunwoo himself had only had workouts that morning and early afternoon, so he had quickly showered and dressed in layers appropriate for the inconvenient time of the year when the temperature was biting in the morning but pleasant in the afternoon. He’d been a bit rushed for time, and he’d only partially dried his hair that was grown out longer than usual for an upcoming drama before slipping on his black padded jacket on his way out of the apartment.

Mingyu appeared to have scrambled to wash up after his workout as well, his black hoodie pulled up over his hair and the thick frames he rarely wore out perched on his nose. In contrast to the two of them, Jungkook was still professionally styled from whatever casual interview he’d filmed that morning. He’d toned down his meticulously waved hair by shoving on a beanie, but left his flawless makeup untouched— out of the ordinary, but not high on anyone in that car’s list of questions in the moment.

“What do you usually get though?” Mingyu persistently grilled Jungkook, leaning forward to hover behind the center console in the front seat. His knee bounced eagerly, a giddy grin plastered on his face.

Eunwoo appreciated that they were both foodies, although not to the extent he was. Mingyu wanted to have a game plan going in, less he stand at the counter indecisively until either the bakery closed or he succumbed to the pressure and bought one of everything. Eunwoo could relate— bakeries were not for amateurs.

“Seriously, everything’s good.” Jungkook supplied unhelpfully. “It depends on my mood, but I usually get a slice of Blood Sweat and Tiramisu, Your Hope Your Angel Food Cake, or, like, something else.” He mumbled the last part, fully angling his face away from them to check his side mirror.

Mingyu huffed in exasperation and immense judgement, “No motivations behind those choices huh, Jungkook?” Eunwoo could hear the eyeroll in Mingyu’s criticism. He decided to get a slice of the Your Hope Your Angel Food Cake, the spongy crumb pictured on the menu a near permanent image seared into his brain.

Jungkook’s brows furrowed, his mouth dropping opening to defend his pastry orders (”I’ve always liked tiramisu— don’t look at me like that! The names are just coincidental!”), but Mingyu was not interested in his whining and shifted topics.

“So you’ve been friends with the owner since high school? How’d that happen?” He raised his eyebrows and stared pointedly at Jungkook, a teasing grin curling his lips up. Mingyu was intentionally riling Jungkook up; poking fun at his introverted and awkward personality from back then, and Jungkook could never ignore the bait, no matter how carelessly it had been tossed towards him.

“It happened when we became friends in high school.”

There was an extended beat of silence in the car where Mingyu waited for Jungkook to continue the story and Jungkook did not continue the story. Instead, a thick tension filled the car, clogging the conversation for the remainder of the drive. Eunwoo recognized Jungkook’s abrupt and abnormal evasion— mostly because this was a new level of unhelpful— even for Jungkook, but the way his hands curled into tight fists around the steering wheel was a dead giveaway that it was actually deeper than Jungkook was willing to let on.

Whatever, it wasn’t Eunwoo’s clowns or his circus.

That is, until he finally crossed the threshold into the bakery and the warm, comforting scent of almond, lightly toasted coconut, and a dash of cinnamon had him enchanted.

Or maybe it was you.

Bakeries tended to put him in a romantic mood; there was something sensual about them.

Maybe that was it.

Because Eunwoo couldn’t fathom any other reason for the weightlessness in his stomach when he saw you cheerfully greet them from behind the counter. Your customer service smile reminded him of the one taught to idols— emphasis on the puffy cheeks and twinkling eyes— but more genuine. There was a sweet quality to your voice too, like you were greeting a dear friend rather than a first-time customer.

The exterior resembled a cottage with its neutral wood detailing and scalloped overhang dangling beneath the script that spelled “Haru”. Plants decorated the outdoor seating, blocking off a private section for customers to sit amongst greenery and flowers. The inside decor was just as inviting: hanging plants draped across the ceiling, the same wood as outside pieced together the flooring, and pastel accents brightened the room. You fit right into the space, pretty in a fairytale kind of way, features dainty and endearing.

One glance and Eunwoo knew exactly what Jungkook’s cryptic behavior was about. He had known you since high school and hadn’t made a move yet? By Eunwoo’s calculations, that was a fucking fumble.

And not his problem.

If Mingyu picked up on the situation, he sure wasn’t putting forth his most sympathetic foot. It happened so fast, Eunwoo missed when it happened, but Mingyu had suddenly flung his hoodie off and speared his fingers through his hair in an attempt to tame the air-dried strands into something more intentionally ruffled. Beneath the hoodie was one of his tight t-shirts that clung to his form and emphasized the size of his arms.

So inconspicuous was now off the table.

He lingered behind Jungkook as the trio approached the adorably decorated display case, with Eunwoo drinking in the calming environment at the back. He noted that you pressed your scraps into bite-sized, bunny-shaped cookies and sold them in packages near the register.

The instant Jungkook planted himself at the counter, the radiant smile melted off your face like the icing from a cupcake on a scorching summer day. Typically, best friends from high school greeted each other warmly, but nothing about the interaction validated Jungkook’s claim of youthful camaraderie going back years. The man just stared at you with his expectant, yet distinctly vacant expression until you broke the eerie silence.

“What can I get you?” Your tone was tight, face uncomfortably neutral. Your eyes darted down, unimpressed when Jungkook rested an elbow on the counter to lean in closer to you, which Eunwoo didn’t think he should be doing based on the hostility seeping from your cold glare.

“Come on,” He mumbled, volume low enough that Eunwoo had to shuffle forward to catch what he was saying. “You know what I want.”

If Jungkook was trying to be inconspicuous, he was absolutely failing. The entire scene looked far too shady for an exchange at a bakery. It was then that Eunwoo noticed the Epik High Brownies in the display case, and his eyes darted to the description underneath in alarm. In smaller print read, “Not pot brownies! You’re in South Korea, Sweetheart.” He pressed his lips together to fight an amused grin, instead turning his attention back to you.

“I’m sorry.” Your shoulders shrugged in feigned ignorance, lips lightly pouted. “I don’t know what you mean.” Then, your head tilted to the side, a clear indication that you had no intention of surrendering to Jungkook’s whims.

The man hung his head in defeat, begrudgingly muttering out his order: “Can I get two Jungkookies?”

Mingyu poorly concealed his guffaw with a cough, his hand slapping over his mouth to muffle the sound and something that sounded suspiciously like “loser.”

Instantly, you perked back up, voice positively saccharine as you keyed in the order on the register with slender, practiced fingers. “Of course! Two Jungkookies! Will that be all?”

Grumbling, Jungkook dug his phone out of his back pocket to pay, his other hand tapping the screen to add a custom tip. Eunwoo observed, exasperated as Jungkook pettily typed in a nineteen percent tip before hovering his phone over the reader. You held the bag of goodies out and Jungkook snatched them, the back of his hands betraying his embarrassed flush.

“These are my friends.” He gestured vaguely behind him before retreating to the side for Mingyu to step forward.

Mingyu’s eyes widened at the unhelpful introduction, rapidly bouncing between you and Jungkook, flustered and unsure how to follow up that disastrous interaction. His doubt that you and Jungkook had an amicable relationship was clear in the tension of his shoulders and the nervous press of his lips. Would he be guilty by association?

But the original friendly demeanor you wore when they first entered the bakery returned, and you coaxed him forward with a warm smile.

“Um, hi, yeah. I’m his friend. Um, Mingyu.” He cracked a hesitant smile, fumbling through his introduction. Mingyu scrambled to find his footing, raking his fingers back through his dark hair yet again. Then, it was like the cameras were rolling and his ‘puppy idol’ charm activated. The professionalism must have been stored in his post-workout biceps with the way he discreetly flexed them while he ordered, gesturing up at the menu, into the display case, back up to his hair again for the glory shot of his shoulders. He quirked his lips upward in a lopsided smirk, playing the part of heartthrob like his livelihood depended on it.

To your credit, not once did you stumble. You fielded every question and request professionally and kindly. Your eyes were either focused on your task of gingerly boxing up the pastries with practiced ease, or they held his uncomfortably affectionate gaze with pleasant apathy.

Mingyu sensed that his advances were falling short, and in a burst of desperation, he resorted to more blatant flirting as you carefully slid the box containing his Ready to Love Rugelach and Aju Nice Confetti Cake across the counter.

“Are you sure you’re into floral?” You asked, lips twisting into a concerned pout. “There’s a hint of rose in the rugelach— real rose, not the artificially sweetened kind— it’s not for everyone.”

Mingyu chuckled breathily as he slipped his actual wallet out of his pocket, an action that had Eunwoo raising an unimpressed brow. Was he really desperate enough to flash the— yes, he absolutely was.

“Don’t worry,” Mingyu maintained eye contact as he winked, sliding his black card out of his wallet with a flick of two long fingers. “you’re sweet enough to make up for it.”

Kim Mingyu, like the majority of the smart phone owning population, had Apple Pay set up.

Your polite smile remained firmly in place, eyes twinkling mischievously as you told him to enjoy. Mingyu’s last-ditch attempt had clearly whiffed, and he retreated off to the side and into Jungkook’s clutches.

Fuming, Jungkook firmly clapped his hand onto Mingyu’s shoulder with the knowledge that today had been arm day for Mingyu, and that the ache would have settled deep in his bones by now. The taller man flinched and snapped his eyes closed, concealing his hiss of agony with a deep inhale as if he were appreciating the delightful scent of the bakery.

Mingyu’s real misery arrived not with Jungkook’s blunt nails digging into the skin of his shoulder, but by way of you perking up and addressing him in farewell: “Oh, and if you see Dokyeom, tell that sweetheart I said hello!” You chirped, an unmistakably genuine light in your eyes.

Mingyu visibly deflated, his smile tight and his shoulders sagging under the weight of failure and Jungkook’s heavy palm. He forced out an insincere laugh, the sound hollow even to him. “You’ve met DK?”

“Of course! He’s here all the time.” You giggled, clearly affectionate toward the kind vocalist. “Nothing gets between him and a slice of Carat Cake. He even bought an entire Cheolie Pie once!”

The curses directed at his fellow bandmate were blatantly carved into Mingyu’s hardened eyes as he swallowed the bitter pill that had he never even stood a chance. And to be done in by one of his own, at that.

Finally, the time had come for Eunwoo to make his final decision on what to get. He casually stepped up to the counter, flashing a partially kind, partially apologetic closed-lipped smile. He was expecting the same friendly, business-oriented treatment you’d given Mingyu. But, to his surprise, he witnessed your demeanor shift yet again. While you’d been admirably confident and collected around his friends, completely unruffled by their— quite honestly, obnoxious— behavior, you abruptly went quiet before him. Downcast eyes evaded his as he introduced himself.

“Hi, nice to meet you. I’m Eunwoo.” He continued, “Everything looks so good, I really can’t decide what to get.” Eunwoo refused to allow his nerves to seep into his body language, but you still hadn’t even glanced up to him as he spoke. Had you already decided you didn’t like him? He should have come alone; he would have made a much better first impression. Eunwoo reflexively his teeth into his bottom lip, digging his hands into the pockets of his jacket.

“Do you have any preferences?” Your voice was significantly fainter, and your fingers twisted the edge of your floral apron, rolling it from the corner.

Off to the side, Jungkook’s attention shifted from his relentless bullying of Mingyu in favor of whipping to your face like he had no clue who the fuck you were, round eyes vacant and mouth hanging open.

“Like, fruit or chocolate?”

Eunwoo observed the way your lashes fluttered and the faint heat that glazed your cheeks as you avoided looking at him, and it all clicked into place.

He chuckled lightly, the pressure in his chest fading and leaving something warm in its place. So you were just shy. “I like everything.”

But Eunwoo wouldn’t make you pack and ring up one of everything, despite his deepest desires aching to try everything and extend the interaction for as long as possible (and to, you know, actually try one of everything). He’d cut you some slack today and limit himself to five pastries.

But which five? He indecisively peered into the display case housing pastries uniformly decorated with animal faces, fruit, and nods to the k-pop industry. It really was an impossible decision to make.

“What do you recommend?” He decided to consult the real expert, and also try to gently encourage you to look him in the eye with exposure therapy. If you were able to hold a conversation with him, especially one in your area of expertise, surely you’d gather yourself enough to make eye contact at least once.

He observed as you abandoned the hem of your apron in favor of squeezing the cuffs of your sweater in your fists. “Well,” Your eyes trailed over the display case, and you snapped your professional competence back into functioning gear.

“The Chogi-White Chocolate Cake and Red Velvet are the most popular, but we just started making our seasonal Russian Roulette Raspberry cheesecake.” You indicated each dessert as you spoke, still quieter than before, but confident. That slice of cheesecake would absolutely be walking out with him, Eunwoo decided. The swirls of fresh raspberry marbling through the filling hypnotically had him more than convinced.

“I’d like a slice of the cheesecake, please.” He requested, watching you crack the display case open and gingerly slide the dessert out to be boxed up. “And could I also get a slice of the Your Hope Your Angel Food Cake?” Eunwoo gestured to dessert next to the cheesecake.

“Of course.” You nodded, keeping your attention fixed to your task. The flush of your cheeks still hadn’t quite settled. “Is there anything else?”

Eunwoo eyed the Strawberry Skies Blueberry Pie, the sugar dusting practically sparkling under the warm sunlight spilling in through the bakery windows, and willed his self control to prevent him from purchasing an entire pie. He swallowed and forced his head to turn away.

“Oh, there’s also the monthly TXT’s if you’re interested.” You sensed his struggle somehow without even reading his expression. Just then, Eunwoo noticed the small section of the menu dedicated to Tomorrow X Tasty’s. A grin curled the corners of his lips up at the witty name for specials, which were BamBam Butterscotch Kisses and Orange Caramels this month. He added both to his order and waited patiently as you swiftly collected all of his choices into one bag. Then, you turned and placed it on the counter next to the register, quickly adding up his total with fluid flicks of your fingers.

“Is there anything else I can get you?” You asked, still fixated on the screen of the register. Eunwoo shifted his weight onto one leg, reaching out in the direction of the register separating the two of you. Out of your periphery vision, you saw his hand move near your face, startling you enough for your eyes to finally flick up to his face in question.

“Oh, sorry!” Eunwoo beamed, a wide smile scrunching the apples of his cheeks up and crinkling his eyes. He was just so dashing. “Last thing, I promise!” He passed the bag of cinnamon sugared bunny shaped cookies he’d plucked from the basket beside the register to you. Now that you had finally looked at him, Eunwoo could confirm that you were just as charming as he initially thought. Your eyes were warm and brilliant, housing a kindness that comforted everyone that met them. The environment you created in the bakery reflected that kindness, and he anticipated finding out if your baking did as well.

“No worries.” You reassured him with a soft curve of your lips, slipping the bunny cookies into the back so they wouldn't crush any of the other pastries.

Eunwoo tapped his phone to pay after pressing button to add a twenty percent tip. With steady hands you passed him the bag of pastries across the counter, and Eunwoo couldn’t resist taking advantage of the opportunity to brush his fingers against yours during the transfer. Probably because of the air conditioning blasting on high in the bakery, your hands were chilled in contrast to the bashful heat of your cheeks.

“Thank you,” Eunwoo smiled with as much warmth as he could muster, his eyes crinkling. Stray dark strands of his hair swished into his eyes and he quickly flicked them out of the way. He could see out of the corner of his vision that Jungkook had manhandled Mingyu to an empty table a few feet away, but Eunwoo still dropped the volume of his voice for privacy. “I’ll be sure to enjoy them and come back.” He promised earnestly.

“Please do.” You held his gaze, and Eunwoo himself nearly melted, limbs feeling gooey like a glaze, at the smile you awarded him, spring-like in its comfortable warmth and vibrance.

He retreated to join Jungkook and Mingyu at the table, and immediately upon Eunwoo sliding into the chair, Jungkook rounded on him. “I brought you here to get snacks, not flirt with my friend!” He complained, hands curled tightly into fists and pressing into the table top. Eunwoo doesn't look up as he carefully removes his heaping slice of Your Hope Your Angel Food Cake from the bag, setting the box before him.

“Mingyu was the one flirting.” Ruthlessly, Eunwoo tosses Mingyu to the wolves (or wolf, he supposed, since it was just Jungkook), effectively distracting Jungkook. He tipped the lid of the box back and discovered that he was right from his assessment of the pictures online; the cake was light, moist, and had a lovely crumb. The enticing scent of almond wafted into the air, not overly sweet but still carrying a warm nutty note. He cut a sizable bite, impressed with the absence of crumbs flaking off, and scooped the cake into his mouth. Eunwoo leaned back into the chair, savoring the bite and ascending to a level of ecstasy so high, it had to be illegal in this country. He wasn't in a cafe anymore surrounded by his friends bickering—it was just him, his slice of cake, and for some reason, the soft chime of bells.

He glanced over his shoulder at the entrance to see if a new customer had stepped through the door, but no one was there. Odd. Eunwoo twisted back to the table where Jungkook and Mingyu fired juvenile insults back and forth.

He was definitely coming back to shoot his shot without these two dumbasses getting in the way.

౨ৎMasterlist

[xzerosparrowx]

Here is another little excerpt from the current Steddie WIP that I've been writing. In this fic Eddie still lives with his parents. It's still in its draft stage, but I like the dialogue and the vibe.

In this excerpt, Eddie is getting Alan out of jail.

-

They walk down the familiar hallway, the familiar anti-drug posters, that one flickering ceiling light that needs to be replaced until they reach a set of cells. Alan is standing, swaying slightly with sweat beading on his upper lip, his right shoe missing and his threadbare shirt ripped at the collar. 

“Eddie, my boy! You know how awful it is to sleep in here? They don't give you a fucking pillow, gotta be against the Geneva Convention or some shit,” Alan rambles, his words slurring as if he was still drunk. Alan is sober, it's just how he sounds now. 

“Did you get into a fight, again?” Eddie asks, leaning against the wall opposite, crossing his arms over his chest as Hopper unlocks the cell door.

“Some fuckin’ yuppies thought they were better than me. Fuckin’ assholes,” Alan mumbles as he stumbles out of the cell, Eddie and Hopper following behind him back out the hallway.

“College kids, Alan tried to steal one of their wallets,” Hopper amends to Eddie.

“Allegedly, I allegedly tried to steal their wallet.”

It is completely dark when they step outside, the street lights casting its golden glow on the pavement beneath “where’s the fucking car?” Alan drawls, staring dumbly towards the parking lot, no van in sight.

“You and Beth crashed my car, remember?” Eddie sighs, too tired to snap at Alan, too tired to care about Hopper staring at him.

“You should probably get it fixed then,” Alan answers unhelpfully, staggering his way towards the nearest bus stop, leaving Hopper and Eddie to themselves. 

“You know, if he was my Dad, I wouldn’t be paying for his bail,” Hopper says quietly and Eddie feels a familiar flash of anger, the burning embers of shame at the pit of his stomach.

“Good thing he ain’t your Dad then,” Eddie snaps, pulling out a cigarette from the crumpled box in his pocket and shoving it between his lips. He clicks the lighter, swearing under his breath when he struggles to light his fucking cigarette, he just needs a fucking light. Just needs something to fucking work for him. 

 “Just don’t let your parents drag you down with them,” Hopper says, taking out his own lighter and handing it to Eddie. 

“Look,” Eddie lights his cigarette, hands it back to Hopper and puts his own lighter back in his pocket, “I appreciate the whole good cop routine, but don't condescend to me about my fucking life, ok?”

“Ok.” 

“Thanks for the light,” Eddie mumbles in lieu of saying goodbye, turning on his heel and walking to the bus stop where Alan is sitting.

Eddie stands near Alan and all he can think about is the cut of money that he was supposed to give to Rick, the groceries, the bus fare, the water bill, the repairs for his van, the repairs for the plumbing. He will have to use the money from his actual job to give Rick his cut, and will have to spend the week eating slices of bread and canned soup-.

“I fucked up, didn't I?” Alan asks, staring out across the street at nothing.

“I was supposed to give Rick his cut, but I paid for your bail instead. So yeah, you did fuck up,” Eddie drops his cigarette, squishing it underneath his foot just as the bus rounds the corner to the street.

“I don't know why I'm like this,” Alan chokes out, his voice thickening and face crumpling before Eddie.

Alan Munson had a job once, was normal for a brief period of time where he was able to afford a house and go on a family trip to another state at least once a year. Eddie has vague memories of those years, too young to remember the details of the Grand Canyon or the beaches in California, now immortalised in photographs. Eddie hates looking at those pictures now. Hates seeing Alan almost losing it just as much.

“It's ok Dad, I'll figure it out.”

[azrielgreen]

I've been obsessed with Prism and I'm so excited to see it continue, as I feel like Steve and Eddie's relationship have reached this final, official stage and I'm really wondering how that will compare to Steve's relationship with Billy. Obviously, the dynamic is different. However, I wonder if Steve starts to find any similarities in the small things (domestically, routine, etc) despite the differences and how he might react to that. His relationship with Eddie has been established for the reader since early on in fhe fic, and it has certainly evolved, but just now, it has reached this threshold of being an official relationship. Perhaps you have plans to explore this, but the idea of how Steve relates his previous relationships to certain types of trauma would be super interesting. Like, with Silver Fox, it wasn't necessarily an established relationship, and it left Steve feeling used--again, when he is sold to Eddie, it is not an established relationship, and while there is conenction, it isn't domestic. The dynamic that ended up hurting Steve the most, physically (long-term, etc), was his established relationship with Billy, and therefore, I'm curious about the parallels. I'm sort of reaching here, but I think this is a huge change in the story that, while maybe being in an official relationship with Eddie makes Steve feel more secure, could end up creating repeated traumas. You mentioned that the story is about to get a lot darker, which is super exciting as well!

I hope I didn't bore you with my ramblings! I also wanted to ask, is there a set schedule planned for Prism updates, or are you releasing them as you can?

Hi, thank you so so much! Yes, I'm officially releasing Prism chapters on a monthly basis but I'm also trying to get them out as and when I can. There's actually a chapter due THIS WEEK as a Christmas surprise!

Steve and Eddie's relationship is full of parallels to Steve and Billy's, this is a huge part of what makes Prism so interesting to write! There are endless elements where something Eddie does is a flipped version of something Billy did and their relationship, especially as it starts out, has many similarities too, i.e Eddie moving in without asking. The difference is always that Eddie makes it feel good, whatever it is. In this upcoming chapter we see more of the relationship very much in the honeymoon phase, setting the tone for how indulgent and insular they both are when it comes to loving each other. Ch18 will be the absolute high point of the story and I'm so happy to gift it to readers before Xmas day because after that we have a real dead drop ahead and the shaping of a very dark, painful and fairly gut-wrenching story that sets up for Part Three.

This was such a beautiful and insightful Q, thank you so much again! 🖤🌈✨️

[night-market-if]

I agree with your DAV take! I was really really excited. Pre-ordered deluxe, finished in about four days, and was left with mixed emotions. I'm curious what your opinion will be once you reach the third act, because imo that was the best part of the game. But, yeah, this is the first DA game where I've been more interested in continuing the main story than doing any of the companion questlines. Which is both a bad and good thing. Mostly a bad one. Once you finish the game, I definitely recommend taking a look at the veilguard art book. Google Books has about 50 or so preview pages, and @/felassan has posted them on their tumblr as well. There's a lot of art from the original concepts the dev team was brewing immediately after Inquisition. Before execs were like "fuck that we actually need live service games", and before David Gaider and other DA veterans left or were let go. It feels so much more like dragon age, and I've just been mourning what we could've had lol. But it's interesting to see the concepts that made it into the final product after all that, and how much ended up sanitized in that distinctly corporate way. But, yeah, I just wish the dev team had been given the resources and freedom they needed. Also sorry for rambling in your ask box lol I'm just obsessed with DA

I have still yet to finish it. I've literally been choosing Supermarket Simulator and Sims 4 over the game. Which is just such a sad sign to me. I want to like it so very badly. I really do. And I will finish it (no spoilers) but it's just one of those things where I think the only reason I am playing is for Solas content. Because I love him so much. But I remember when Inquisition came out. I called off work and played it like crazy for days. When the end twist came, I literally called my husband at work to scream.

The opening of Origins with the dragon flying by still gives me chills. It transports me right back to my first apartment that I shared with my mother. To steaming mugs of tea that I would drink so I could stay up and play it just a bit longer. Me surviving on eggs because it was the quickest thing to cook so I could get back to playing.

I don't know if I'm just not in a stage of my life anymore that allows me to immerse myself or if the game was just that uninteresting. And like I said, I will finish it, but I just don't care about any of the characters and half the time, they start talking about something, and I zone out.

Though, this is a case and point to the fact that writers and developers just need to be free to do their own thing without the higher ups intervening.

[your-queer-dad]

Hey Queer dad, I only just found this blog, but I'm writing you anyway, I Don't want to be anonymous, I want my name attached to my story I fear that I'm probably going to explain myself poorly but here goes anyway I am going to be 24 years old this May, I've been on E since 10 - 2020 Ive had to move out to live with my boyfriend of 3 years and it feels like I've all but abandoned my dreams of going through college as an engineer, things were hard to keep up with when covid struck and now I'm a trans-woman living in Georgia USA, I understand that its not as good as my home-state of New York on trans issues, but I have my BF and his Family who are supportive... I'm SCARED as of late sure I live in a fairly chill part of the state, but i'm SCARED like big time, its making my mental health journey harder, and I'm finding a lot of VERY bad thoughts creeping in, mostly about my appearance and all that, I don't look all that fem when i have trouble taking care of my day-to-day hygiene,

My dad is ""Supportive"" as far as accepting the fact that I'm his daughter now, but he and most of my extended family still doesn't use my pronouns or chosen name. My mom, well she left this world, and me alone in it, sure she was never the best to me, but she would have been the one person to support me. When she left I promised myself and her that I would take the little support I spit on and ground into the dirt as a teenager and actually be true to myself.

I know that at this point I am rambling, but I want to put meaning and journey behind my words THANK YOU, for being here for us. THANK YOU for providing a space for us to ask questions, and get parental style advice when we have no-one else and I ask of you this, how does one find community in this world when one struggles to navigate the fear she feels from the world around her?

Hi!! Thank you so much for reaching out. Honestly, it sounds like you've had such a rough time and I am really proud of you. Thank you for sharing your story, I appreciate it, and I'll do my best to help out.

Personal story time: I myself was (and still am sometimes) in a very similar situation myself. And it is scary, it's really isolating to see so much hate from others just for being yourself, and it makes you want to withdraw and hide. And I hid, for so long- it's really hard to show your true self in a world so full of hate and fear.

But I did, slowly, step by step. A little bit every day. Us humans, we're not supposed to be on our own. We're pack animals, like wolves or lions, we thrive off other people's company (some more than others). With mental health, when all you want to do is hide and let the world forget that you exist, what helps you the most is finding others who feel like it and can help.

Easier said than done right?

I'm still working on it, and there's never going to be a stage where you're perfect at it- but every day, just actively trying to engage with others around you, I found helped me. Not running away when people offer help, speaking to new people, finding my local queer community- just actively being aware of my surroundings and gently pushing myself to talk to new people.

The worlds a lot less scary when you have an army of support behind you.

It takes time, and energy. It's hard. And definitely baby steps, small steps. But there are so many good people out there, who will love you and accept you and value you, you just have to find them.

I'm really proud of you, I'm always here if you need someone to talk to and feel free to reach out anytime. Everything will be okay.

- dad x

[dlamp-dictator]

Okay, Let's Talk About 5 - 30

So, this horrid stage has probably stumped a lot of folks, especially folks that aren't used to the typical Project Moon Bullshit™ of having to fail about 10+ times before you actually figure out the answer to the puzzle the game is giving you... and RNG screwing you over. Mostly that last one, but occasionally Project Moon does throw out some damn tough puzzles to solve.

And with Chapter 5.5 now out I wanted to make a quick guide on how to get through this stage so people can actually beat Canto 5, rush through the Christmas event, and have access to 5.5 before it ends in a month. I'll... debate on explaining how to kill Siltcurrent/Neon Whale/That FUCKING ASSHOLE PARALYZING BIG NUMBERS ASS HAVIN-

But that's for another time.

And yes folks, people have been legitimately stuck on this stage to the point of some people having been barred from the Christmas event because of it. And the most I've seen of people actually helping with this boss in terms of guides and advice is the general fandom being some real assholes about reading passive and showing of their Base Ishmael solo clears without actually explaining anything. But I'm not here to whine about the fandom, I'm here to help with this stage.

Now usually, this is the part where I'd usually give a synopsis for the followers and mutuals that would like context to my long ramblings, but this is an endgame stage and the process of explaining Project Moon games in depth to people unfamiliar with them gives my stomach ulcers so I'll cut my usual fluff and get to the advise.

The Short Answer

For those of you wanting to just know the basics of how to survive this stage here's the brass tacks:

Stagger Ricardo twice to "win"

Don't kill Ricardo's two goons, just clash with them (ideally with a tank ID with aggro) to avoid buffing him further.

Ishmael is quasi-immortal and won't die so long as there's a surviving Sinner in play, so she can tank damage easily.

Use tremor IDs to make staggering easier during his "Test of Big Brother" phase

Use Ishmael's base EGO ASAP to make clashing for her easier.

Alright, with that said, here's some more details about the boss fight.

The Long Answer

I know I said this before, but it's worth repeating. This is endgame content. At this point of the game Project Moon expects you to have that Season Pass at least half finished, at least three teams of Sinners with good synergy (having teams for Charge, Tremor, Rupture, etc.), and have at least some meta IDs. This is not an unreasonable ask either. Most of us started between Seasons 1 & 2 and should have at least a solid team or six made already, a lot of the gacha resources are easy to obtain with patience, and you should have a decent understanding of the game's general mechanics by now. You can only be so ignorant before the failure is ultimately your fault, and while Ricardo definitely has some bullshit to him, most of his puzzle pieces are understandable after the fifth attempt.

I don't say this to insult you guys, but I know a lot of people stuck on this stage are also people that have been speedrunning the content and are now running into a wall as they've pushed further than what the game expected and probably don't have the game knowledge or resources to get through a very blatant knowledge & resource check. Yes, I've seen the Base ID & Base EGO clears too, but those are from people very used to Project Moon Bullshit™ and are outliers.

Now, with all that preamble out the way, here's the general idea.

This is a semi-survival stage where you have to not defeat Ricardo, but reach his second stagger threshold in about 5-7 turns. The biggest issue with this fight is that you've been doing a lot of mindless non-focus fights where you just needed the correct damage type (pierce in this case) to Win-Rate your way to victory. This stage is different in that you have to build a completely different team (tremor ideally), and be mindful of the Middle's general passives where they can get up to 5 Offense Level for getting their team slaughtered, making all of their clashes go up by one or two points. Along with this, the Little Brothers' attacks can debuff your team with Paralyze and Plus-Coin Power Drop, some of the most crippling debuffs in the game for your team outside of very specific IDs.

But you likely already know all of this and have reached the Ricardo part of the stage several times already. Here's the important bits you probably didn't realize.

Don't Kill the Goons

You might have noticed Ricardo gets super buffed when you kill his goons and makes COUPON BLAST™ all the more terrifying. Yeah, the man gets some rather bullshit power-ups if you kill or focus-fire the goons. I understand the though-process of killing the Debuffers and then wailing on Ricardo, but don't. Just beat their clashes and deal with them. The paralyze is crippling, but use a tank for those if you can since tanks (usually) don't do high damage anyway. Plus-Coin Power Drop is annoying, but for units that have big single-coin nukes or use EGO for nukes, this isn't as crippling as Paralyze and is the lesser of two debuffs. Just deal with the goons being there and try and focus most of the damage on Ricardo. The goons have a phase where they both block so you can just focus on Ricardo too, so hold out until then.

Oh, and speaking of tanking debuffs.

Ishmael is Immortal on this Stage

Ish is a mandatory character in this stage and has a sort of quasi-immortality along with a passive called Last-Ditch Struggle. So long as there's at least one surviving Sinner on the team aside from Ishmael herself her won't go below 1 HP. Along with this, she has a unique passive for this stage called Last Ditch Struggle, which gives her additional clash power when at low health. This isn't to say Ish is invincible or anything, but it does give you an edge in the fight. Combined with Snagharpoon's Compulsion passive (the EGO passive, not the debuff on Ish) you can get an additional clashing power about about three, which makes a huge difference against Ricardo's stupid-high numbers. You can use her with something like a fully threadspun Roseate Desire with either Awakening or Corrosion depending on the sanity level and it'll do insane work.

"But Allen, I don't have Rosea-"

Get it. 400 Ishmael shards isn't as big an ask as it was in Canto 2 or 3. You're in endgame now, you should know what you need and should have a few EGO nukes for bosses like this. Roseate Desire or Ryoshu's Blind Obsession. You should have at least one of these by now to survive Ricardo's more devastating attacks aside from COUPON BLAST™. If you really rushed the content this much then just chill out, wait until you've caught to the the season pass to at least give Blind Obsession Ryoshu, and then continue on.

Speaking of endgame content.

Have a Tremor Team

So, you might have noticed during Ricardo's big defense phases he'll have this interesting debuff called "Test of Big Brother", this usually gives him 5 bind next turn, guaranteeing you can safely clash him, along with doubling the damage he takes and increasing the effect of Tremor Burst. And like I said before, this is a fight where you have to reach his second stagger threshold to win. This is phase of the fight is essentially your final warning to get him to that point before COUPON BLAST™ happens and you're team is wiped in two turns.

Not that second part of Tremor Burst's effects behind doubled. It means you can probably get him to stagger by that point if you've got your nukes handy. And surprisingly, a Tremor team isn't a big investment either. Base Ish, Heath, and Meursault all have tremor application, and Ish's base EGO can inflict Tremor Burst at Threadspin 4. And there are several Tremor IDs that are cheap like N Corp Don, LCCB Ish and Rosespanner Meursault. There's are some other good Tremor IDs like Rosespanner Rodion and Molar Outis, but one's a 3-Star and one's a limited 3-Star, so I'd hold off on those unless you wanna' hunt down someone's friend's list.

Oh right, last bit of advice before I sign off on this.

Using the Damn Friend's List

A lot of us forget this is a thing, but there is a Friends/Support function in the game. You can send a request to people who have fully kitted Sinners you'd need for your team to fill in gaps you can't yet. I don't know the effect this had some stuff like EX clear yet, but if you're speed-running to get to the current event then just use the damn support system and build a decent tremor team to get through this. For the next while I'll have Regret Faust on mine to help some folks, but this is for a limited time only until I can go back to how I like to keep my Company listing. You can also just search around until you find someone with the sinner you need.

And... that's about everything I can tell you about 5-30. Even once you get passed this stage there's still about two or three more little road blocks in the way before you can fully completely the Canto, but this was the more frustrating on out of the four so I wanted to go over it a little. Sorry if I sounded harsh here or there, but I really wanna' stress this is an endgame stage and shouldn't be taken lightly. Limbus Company has it's fair share of bullshit but fair and unfair, but this stage is only slightly unfair until you realize the mechanics around it. Then you can do those Base Ishmael solo clears. I won't because that's hard as hell, but it's something.

Anyways, I'll be seeing you folks later.

[orchidscurse]

hi! loved your latest Substack post <3 I wanted to ask, do you have any advice on starting a Substack? I've been considering it for a while, but I always get hesitant about it or feel like I have nothing important to say (I have a lot of opinions on movies and literature, but communicating them in an organized way intimidates me because I regularly see such awesome thinkers on Substack). any tips you could give would be really appreciated! have a nice day :)

hello and first of all thank you for your sweet words!! i don't often get feedback/compliments (which is very much welcome btw hehe, i'm here to learn and grow!) so i appreciate it.

that being said, i am of course still looking for my voice, which is a never ending process i believe but if you want to start writing a substack/blog/newsletter etc. here are some things i do that might be able to benefit you!

do a lot of research about the topic, but only on things that are of interest to you! you might notice i don't talk a lot about, for example, camera techniques cause i don't know anything about it and atm it's not where my interests lie when writing about a film. other aspects, be it, symbolism, fun behind the scenes trivia, the set design, the wardrobe etc. read about what you want to write and form your opinion around that!

write out the topics you want to touch on within a newsletter. let's say i'm writing a piece on the doom generation, i will write down multiple aspects surrounding that film i want to touch upon: the screenplay, the dynamics between the characters, the soundtrack, the set design, the impact on queer culture. under each topic i will write notes pertaining to said subject: what comes to mind? what has the director said about it? how does it show in the film? how does it make me feel? etc.

ask someone you trust to proofread if you feel like it. my dear friend and fellow writer ra has read and given feedback on multiple pieces and provided me with new perspectives on certain topics. find other writers to talk to, read their work, let yourself be inspired.

if, like me, your first language isn't the one you write in and you can't find the words: use your mother tongue! sometimes i will write sentences using both english and dutch so i can put down the thought i wish to convey and at a later stage i will get back to that paragraph and try to translate the idea into english.

i also sometimes just write down pretty sounding words and words i didn't know the meaning of before in a list and try to incorporate them if they work in said context. i believe your writing can only grow if you also read

there's probably a bunch of things i'm forgetting to touch on now, i do hope this is not just a biiig ramble for you and there's advice in here that works for you! of course, everyone's process is unique to them - what works for me might not work for you. if you however want me to give you advice on something specific, feel free to reach out! i'm always open to sharing my thoughts but i am still growing as a writer and feel like there is a lot more that i can learn too. so if any fellow writers want to drop advice below, feel free to do so!! we can all benefit from it :-)

[myrandomscribbles]

2024 Recap

Two days into 2025 and I just realized that I've forgotten to wrap up my year. Though uneventful, there have been a few notable moments and some glimmers here and there that helped me get through it. So without further ado, here's another [long-ish] personal post, my own "2024 Wrapped"!

First of all, let me start by saying Happy New Year and I hope that everyone had a lovely & safe celebration! (Fingers still complete, I hope) Now this would be the first time I'm doing a recap of my year as a blog post, but one of the things I wanted to revive is my passion in writing. I have been spending a lot of time in the drawing & video editing department - don't get me wrong, I love it in there - but I kinda miss my first love, writing. With that in mind, I (re)started this blog not just to fill it with thoughts & rambles, but also to oil up my rusty writing gears. At this point, I want to thank those who have somehow found their way here and either liked, reblogged, or simply read my posts ❤️

This year has, unfortunately, been one of the worse ones. I spent most of it just at home, watching the days pass by and waiting for something I wasn't sure was going to happen. And sadly, I lost more than I gained. In 2024, I lost many of my beloved pets. The pain I had to go through each time is immeasurable because to me, they are my children. To pay tribute to them, I'm currently working on a painting of all of them at the rainbow bridge. It's still a long way to go, and I hope to share it here soon. I also lost a loved one, my career (or professional life, rather; I wouldn't consider virtual jobs as a career per se), and towards the latter part of the year, my health - slowly. The severe stress that I have undergone in the months of 2024 has caused me show symptoms of a likely aneurysm. As I am not yet financially capable of undergoing an MRI of my brain, I have to take extra care of my health and hit the breaks whenever I am about to burst into the Hulk.

Despite all of that, I still have a few things to be thankful for. I'd like to highlight two of them though - probably the happiest I've been the entire year. First is my trip to Vietnam in September, where I also celebrated my 30th birthday. It was a first time experience for me because not only was it my first time in the country, but it was also the first time that I got to travel with a group of friends so that was really fun.

Another highlight of my year is an actual dream come true - my all time favorite boyband, Big Time Rush actually came to Manila. I grew up with their music and it has saved me many times. It felt so surreal to see Kendall, Logan, Carlos, and James get up on that stage because never in my wildest dreams that they would think of coming to visit my country since their fandom was not as big as One Direction over here. Boy was I wrong - and a good thing that I was! One of the most memorable nights of my life for sure.

So that's it for my personal side of 2024; there wasn't really much to tell there, like I said. But in spite of all that, I'm still thankful that I got to reach a new decade of my life, and well, my family and I have made it to a new year. ✨

But hey, what's a post on this blog without going through my favorite bits of pop culture? :D For the next part of this recap, I'm gonna list my top five favorites from various categories this past 2024! And hey, quit with the judging because our likes and preferences are always subjective :D

Favorite Movies

Dune: Part Two

At this point, I don't understand how this is not getting more recognition this awards season. Just because it came out earlier this year should not be the case! And I don't know if I'm with the majority on this one, but this was loads better than Part One.

Wicked

I have an entire blog post review dedicated to this film, so you can just go check that out. :D

Challengers

This film was as steamy as the bloody sauna Art and Patrick were in. Not sure if anyone has made that a one-liner review in Letterboxd yet, but here it is for you lol. My favorite thing about this film though is that they literally executed the film and the three characters' relationship in the form of a tennis match. Whenever Art wins a set, he has Tashi. And likewise when Patrick wins a set, he also has Tashi. That last scene was also insane it deserves Best Editing.

Greatest Hits

This was one of the films that went under the radar this year. I remember someone on Twitter calling it a romcom, MY BROTHER IN CHRIST IT IS NOT. Lucy Boynton is so good in this and David Corenswet, well, there's a reason he's Superman. Such a touching film about grief and acceptance, please go and watch it.

Twisters

The amount of times I will show up to the cinema for a Glen Powell? The limit does not exist. That man is a MOVIE STAR! Including this one, his last three films were all hits in my house. Like I literally went to a last screening on a rainy Sunday evening just to see a movie about tornados LOL

Favorite Performances

Zendaya in Challengers

Definition of girlboss. Who's doing it like Tashi?!

Ryan Gosling in Fall Guy

Ryan Gosling has become one of my favorite actors in recent years. He's just so naturally funny, especially in this one, and he needs to be in every film I'm so serious.

Ariana Grande in Wicked

Ariana went to the Kristin Chenoweth School of Pink Popular Squealing, she told me herself.

Rebecca Ferguson in Dune: Part Two

Not gonna lie, if you look up the word "mother" in the dictionary, one of its definitions is just a photo of Rebecca Ferguson in Dune: Part Two. Lady Jessica, what can I do for you on this fine evening?

Maya Hawke in Inside Out 2

When they first introduced Anxiety in the trailer, I did cartwheels. I can't believe that 1) they actually included the one thing that keeps me up at night and 2) they got the perfect voice in Maya Hawke to bring her to life.

Favorite Songs Released

Fortnight - Taylor Swift ft. Post Malone

Not gonna lie, TTPD is one of her lowest points in her discography (and yes, fight me on this! It can't always be good!) However, there are gems on this album. And the first time I heard Fortnight I was left in awe because who knew Post Malone sounds so good harmonizing on that outro that I can't get out of my head?!

Only One - Big Time Rush

They released a lot of new songs this year considering they went on tour but this has got to be my favorite! I had this on repeat before the concert and after the concert that it stayed atop my On Repeat playlist on Spotify. I'm actually surprised it wasn't my most played song when Spotify Wrapped came out lol.

Guilty As Sin? - Taylor Swift

This is another one of those hidden gems I was talking about, second out of three. One of the reasons why I love this song is because it instantly reminded me of Catherine Morland and Henry Tilney from Jane Austen's "Northanger Abbey". Yeah, you're welcome :D

The Black Dog - Taylor Swift

This is the third of my favorite songs from TTPD. The lyrics of this song is just so painfully beautiful, the thought of being forgotten by someone who used to love and know you so well. Goddamit, Taylor. Also that bridge kills me everytime, UGH

Steal My Thunder - Conner Smith ft. Tucker Wetmore

Let me just put it out there that I obviously loved Twisters so I'm obviously a fan of the soundtrack too. Country is not really one of my top genres, but this film's soundtrack made it so likeable! I particularly love this track because of the scene where it was played in :D

Okay, I obviously need to still see A LOT of the films released in 2024, so this list is curated as of this recap and it will likely change later on. As I mentioned before, there was a huge bulk of the year where I was just severely stressed and had no such time to catch up on new releases. But I will! I will likely have another post in the future for every film that I loved and feel deserves one :D

As for the music, well, I said subjective!!! I'm not a huge music fan in terms of the artist - there are only a few artists like Taylor & Big Time Rush whose entire discography is in my Spotify. But in general, if I like how the song sounds, it goes into my liked songs playlist. End of story.

Anyway! That's it for my 2024 recap. What a year it has been. I'm actually going to try to go into 2025 with a new mindset of really just going with the flow. I'm going to try to not plan anything so much in the fear that it might fail and I'll just end up disappointed. Whatever happens, happens I guess!

[maineshewrote]

I-just-started-s4e4-thoughts:

I can see how Oliver's least offensive robe has had its effect on Mabel's nightclothes style.

I just love the character/relationship development we get to witness, going from Oliver wondering if they have reached a point in their friendship when they can turn up at each others' place in nightclothes to the trio casually starting every other day by recapping their case while still in their nightclothes.

And just as we are told, literally, by the victim that she was not the intended victim (see: Tap in), the investigation is sent in a whole new direction, and lo and behold—we have use for a second murder board. I'm not complaining, let's not minimize Sazz's part in this case.

A moment of appreciation for the score that is always evolving and utterly beautiful and still very much tied to the original tunes of the show.

I feel like the rare blood type is going to be significant at some point. This is the second time I've taken notice of that, and they don't usually do that unless it's important. Sort of feels as wooden as that lighthouse, if you get my drift. If this is about Sazz refusing (or being unable, more likely) to be a blood donor and someone getting revenge on her for someone else dying because of that, it's either going to be heart-breaking or lame or I'm just rambling.

Oh! But how did they find out they had the same blood type? How about a nice traumatic bonding moment flashback when one of them had to save the other by being a blood donor? Now I'm really getting carried away. The fanfiction opportunities are piling.

Ugh, Oliver's obsession with stalking Loretta was bound to happen but it's so bad, please stop. They're obviously head over heels in love, this is just gonna make them unnecessarily fall out. About that menacing arm, I would love it if it turned out to be Dickie, but the man's chin didn't really look like him in the Instagram picture.

It's interesting that the picture they used for Loretta's Instagram is not a picture of her but of Meryl. That is, Meryl's there with her own hair, not her Loretta wig. (Evidence: much shorter hair, no bangs) Did you know Loretta's is the same wig she wore in A Series of Unfortunate Events (where I thought the hair was awesome)?

Why are Howard's sweaters getting progressively worse? I didn't think it could get much worse from the absolutely faceless yellow thing we saw last episode, but this duck is unfurling.

And where's Jonathan? Howard's saying he hates being alone, so what's his boyfriend doing? Is he perhaps going to work like normal working adults, unlike Howard?

Mabel being the guys' keeper in public, while the guys are utterly oblivious to making themselves appear as ridiculous as possible, love it.

BEN! The way I screamed. That is bloody lovely! Of course it's a double but this is so sweet, it's like meeting an old friend again, even though through most of season 3 I didn't even like Ben. (And I mean most of the times I watched that season. I think I only really liked him the last couple of times around.)

The amount of times the trio has had to witness Ben rise from the dead is staggering. Let's make it a running theme, every season a brief Ben come-back. Can I hear a wahoo?

Peak comedy in Oliver's momentary expression of consideration when Glen said that you can't come back from the dead, knowing full well that's just what Ben did.

The irony. Ben being given rat poison and his double seeing rats.

I LOVE that Howard is auditioning with the lines from Oliver's stage dream sequence. Canonically makes no sense (although Oliver could've used the lines in the podcast) but such a pleasure to watch.

New era for the penthouse spotted. Still unsure which decor I liked best, but it's not this one.

Melon is giving people-pleasing Hollywood Cinda Canning. She should meet the real deal.

This unfulfilling relationship that Sazz was trying to get out of better be with Jan. My boy Charles has had to deal with way too much undeserved guilt this season.

The escalation of the horror-movie-like Paradise dream to the absolutely soul-crushing tragic drama of Charles's heavy conscience was both genius and gut-wrenching. There was so much emotional nuance in that little scene, especially in Sazz's light manner of reply, in the meaningful way she portrayed not only Sazz's stubbornly positive attitude towards life but also the heartbreaking tendency in many good people to bottle up their vulnerability behind a positive mask, even and especially when people who love them unintentionally hurt them. I was deeply touched by this scene. All the while my heart is constantly aching for Charles who really doesn't deserve all this guilt. Yes, we have been led to believe he was pretty egoistic and distant in his glory days, but we have to remember that these negative qualities that we've been told about have been exaggerated due to Charles's own insecurity about himself.

No comment on the Oh Hells, nicely wrapped up for now.

It's actually so sweet of Charles to do the funeral, but there was always a chance it was going to be some big unusual stunt.

Well, look how the turntables. Paul Rudd knocking Charles out this time around.

Incredible how Irish Ben Glenroy in a bar fight could move me to tears.

Save me, heart-warming flashback scene.

I said save me, not break my heart all over again!

Sazz saying, "Let's keep this under our hat," because they basically share the same Brazzos hat. But why do these two Brazzoses' police badges have different numbers?

This show just keeps on giving. Aphrodite is back!

Okay, bit dramatic for someone named after a fruit. Not to pour cold water over this entirely unconvincing threat, but Melon's probably just going to laugh this off and have a silly explanation for being there. No clue here, people, let's move on.

But did you notice the music? Seriously more exciting than Melon pointing a gun was the theme playing during her threat, which was the same one that played when the trio found Ben falling in through the elevator ceiling (You Gotta Be F'n Kidding Me). What a lovely last nod to Ben's memory!

Sweet move on the production's part for only mentioning special guest star Paul Rudd at the end of the episode, otherwise the surprise would have been ruined.

[sleepyowlwrites]

hello, since you oferred advice to the other anon can I get some words of wisdom too? you don't have to, I understand it can be a lot to ask. or maybe just a ear to listen? idk I'mhaving mixed emotions right now because somet things made me realize that even though I like writing, it's only gonna be ever for myself. which isn't a bad thing but I wanted to one day publish something but I find out now that writing is really hard and I don't have the discipline or even much interest it studying how to do it "right" like all the technicalities and stuff. so really I just like the finished product and how it "looks" in my brain more. I do like trying to figure out how to make a story make sense and all the behind the scenes stuff, but I'm rarely able to get to that stage due to being tired and unable to focus/ discipine myself to work.

I was wondering if there was something I could do about it? I mean I guess I need to accept that now when I write it's just gonna be as a hobby and for myself. though, similar to the other anon, I would like to share my writing, I mean I think we all want to share something we make at some point. but I probably have to give up wanting to make any kind of career or even part time thing from writing. I'm just not built for it I guess.

it's hard to accept. I tried developing templates for myself to follow to make it easier but I failed. I've tried many tips and suggestions and advice to write better but I just can't seem to grasp the craft. even reading doesn't help me.

I've thought about writing poetry instead, like you. but even though I like reading it I don't really like writing it much. I prefer to have characterts and drama, typical story stuff. but I struggle when it comes to putting everything together and actually crafting/building the story rather than just tell it.

sorry this got too long, I'm not really sure what I was trying to say, just need to go on a rant. I'm sorry if this was rude of me. thanks for reading if you do and I always like your responses so that's why I reached out, but let me know if I shouldn't do it like this

Had to wait until I got home from work.

So it looks like you understand your situation pretty well, actually, which is great to see.

Writing doesn't have to be a full time thing for you to go the published route. We have several published authors on here who have other jobs! You don't need to devote your whole career to it. It's fine for it to be a hobby and for it to be a hobby that you'd like to pursue a final result in.

If writing is something you enjoy, keep doing it, and if you'd like to progress, you can do it. (You can probably do it. Not everything is achievable for everyone. I will never be able to do advanced math, no matter how hard I try. My brain can't process it. But from what you're saying, your braincan process writing.)

You already know stuff you like or dislike, right? You know the story, just not how to tell it? Here are a few things that have worked for me and my discombobulated brain.

1. Bullet point lists. Just listing off major plot beats in bullet points. It's not an outline, it's not a plan, it's just a list of stuff that happens.

2. Rubber ducking. I pick somebody from something I've watched recently - for a whole there it was Keanu Reeves - and I explain my story to them multiple times so I understand myself how it works. Or not.

3. Draw a map. Not just a land map, but a map of where the characters go and notes on where they're from and what they're doing in each place.

4. Ask games. I make up so much stuff for ask games and some of it even stays canon!

5. Don't try to fit yourself into one mold of one type of writer. Just write whatever. Write one wip or 17. Write short fiction. Write fanfiction. Write one paragraph stories. Write comics with stick figures or rambling prose that goes nowhere.

5. When you read, rewrite it in your head. Edit those books! Pull out a trope you notice and stick it in a story. (A trope is anything as general as "enemies to lovers" and as specific as "traumatized tall girl with a big sword.")

6. Actually rewrite scenes, from any media you like. Choose a new pov. Focus on a particular sense, like touch, or write it in future tense, or change the setting.

7. Write descriptive prose that's not a story. Write something that's only dialogue. Write journal entries. Switch it up.

And sweetheart, if you are unable to focus or enjoy this hobby that is usually a good time for you, I think think the hobby is the issue. There's something else going on in your brain and taking up the space and you don't have room to create.

For instance, I work retail, full-time, and it’s the holiday season, and I'm fatigued and stressed and not currently writing anything. But I was also not writing when it wasn't the holiday season. And I was too fatigued to create then, too. And it's probably because my depression is acting up.

This might not be the case for you. I can't know. But everybody learns differently, and if you're willing to try new ways of learning, you might find the one that works for you! I hope so. I hope that you sit down with your brain and parse through it, taking the time to figure out the style that suits you best.

But mostly I hope you understand that regardless of how your brain functions or doesn't, that you are amazing and trying, because you like this thing, and you don't want to give up on it. So good job. As long as it is a thing that you like, I hope you keep trying. Somewhere there is a method that speaks to you, some way that helps you find the dawn after the dark. I believe you can find it.

Keep going, love.