#I've reached the stage where I'm rambling about them

[alexiethymia]

Boiling Hot Iron vs Lukewarm Water

Maomao's Way of Affection Part 2

[LN 12 spoilers]

I AM ACTUALLY FOAMING AT THE MOUTH. I mean I read it somewhere, but apparently yes, Maomao does initiate the kiss in the light novel. Even if she did accept his feelings, I always thought that it might have been too fast the way she was ready for a night visit already, but I always chalked it up to her upbringing in the pleasure district and her being fifty-fifty that Jinshi wouldn't actually try anything. But the fact that she is the one to actually instigate a kiss, and quite a sweet one at that, while Jinshi was sleeping. This scene in LN 12 really is in contrast to the scene in LN 5 where it was Jinshi who forced the kiss, and even to later on when Maomao ends up falling asleep and Jinshi restrains himself to a kiss on the forehead for replenishment.

It's hard to be coherent with my ramblings but one of the reasons why I love this series is the slow burn on Maomao's part which is really fulfilling, and the slight angst we get because of that, and not just on Jinshi's part.

Below is a translation from the Spanish translation of LN 12:

She just doesn't get it. He wants to step down from his position near the top of the country for a purpose. If that purpose was MaoMao himself, he would definitely have gone mad.

It's as hot as cast iron.

Maomao is not interested in such blazing heat. The only thing she can give back is a warm temperature.

Slowly puts his hand on Mr. Jinshi's cheek and feels his body temperature, which is the same as warm water. Her cheek was slightly colder. His eyelids were completely closed and he rubbed his cheek against my hand like a kitten to be pet. Looks like he sleeps, like he feels safe.

Maomao seems to struggle with the inequality of Jinshi's feelings and hers. She compares Jinshi's feelings to hot cast iron, and hers to warm water. And no wonder, to her, Jinshi willing to give up everything, including his position, for her, seems to be such a passionate love. As much as she snarks and would rather say that she could just do without all of Jinshi's gestures (*cough branding himself for example, this damn masochist cough*), she recognizes how much Jinshi has given up and is willing to give up for her, not to mention all that he has in fact given her.

She even goes to say, "I don't even have anything in return for you." When she says this line, I think that she isn't just referring to being unable to return the depth of Jinshi's feelings, but even their difference in position. As Suiren observes, despite Maomao's forthrightness, perhaps because of the environment they're in, she is very much aware of her station.

It's such a melancholic line coming from her. It seems to me as if she really is afraid of hurting Jinshi. She already doesn't like the thought of Jinshi being hurt like Luomen, but now she also doesn't want to be the one to hurt him. On top of that, for the normally aloof Maomao, it may be that she's starting to feel unconfident precisely because of the difference in position.

Maomao strikes me as a person who wants to be used. Even when she wasn't in love with Jinshi yet, she always seemed to want to be praised for doing a good job. So for her to think that it's just her who keeps receiving and receiving, while not being able to give anything back, the inequality (this time going in the reverse direction) must bother her a lot. She never used to care so for her to feel different from how she usually does because of Jinshi - caring about him, being unsure of herself because of him - oh she must hate how that feels so no wonder she wants to remove herself from the equation. But alas, it's too late.

Unlike Maomao though, I don't think that there's such a disparity between her feelings and Jinshi's despite that she describes his feelings as boiling hot and hers as warm. Yes definitely I feel that Jinshi's feelings may be stronger, but I feel that Maomao's is actually closer to his than she thinks. I think it may be because the nature of their feelings may be strongly influenced by their past.

Jinshi has always had the things he's loved taken from him. He wasn't allowed to prioritize a single thing or a single person because of the responsibilities he's had to assume from such a young age. Sure he's childish now but that may be because he had to grow up fast. Of course he would be desperate and slightly bit manic when it comes finally falling in love. He'll always feel that Maomao will be taken away from him unless he does something about it with his own hands.

Meanwhile, because of Maomao's complicated past with her birth parents, it's no wonder that Jinshi's passion unnerves her. Remember it was that same passion that caused her mother to hurt her. No wonder she doesn't want it. But when it comes to that feeling called love, that's the only version she recognizes because that's what she's been surrounded with in the pleasure district and even in the rear palace - lust imitating love, or even if it was love, a passionate and all-consuming love that destroys everything in its path.

But what does Jinshi make her feel? Trust. Safety. Even if her rational mind tells her that people's feelings change, Jinshi's constant proclamations that he will make everything be ok so that the both of them can be together may in fact actually reassure her. Heck, perhaps that was why Maomao goaded him to make that verbal confession a while back, precisely so she could have that assurance. She doesn't recognize it because she's never seen or had it, but perhaps this stability is something she's wanted her whole life. And I would say her feelings for Jinshi are nearly as strong as his for her, precisely because she feels for him the same way he makes her feel. Nothing passionate but also uncertain. But rather something warm and can be relied on. It's a feeling that pushes her to want to see him safe and healthy. It's a comforting and homey feeling that allows her to relax. And for Maomao who's always considered herself frigid, for her frozen heart to feel that warmth is also a tiny miracle in a way.

Jinshi is childish. Maomao is weird. But apart from their extremes, they're actually a lot alike - engrossed in their work, willful, but ultimately just. Apart from anything else, they're at ease when they can talk to each other. It's actually interesting for me to see how those emotions develop from Maomao's side since Jinshi is giving her space to take things at her own pace, another slow burn in a way. But while Jinshi's love is loud, Maomao's love is quiet. Even before this admission, it was always there, in the soft touches to the hair or cheeks, in being a refuge for rest and sleep, in her worry when he was overworking himself. The moment I would pinpoint that Maomao had actually already fallen in love with Jinshi was when she was contemplating Enen and Yao's relationship. She thinks to herself, "the more you cared for someone, the more you wanted a say in how they behaved - especially if that behavior involved hurting themselves." Now doesn't that sound familiar?

*Note - because I loved it and I'm impatient I'll share the translations for that particular scene in LN 12 in the comments section. One is translated from the Spanish version, while the other is translated from the Korean version. I got all of this from facebook. I'm quite interested to see how it'll come out in the English version.

[salchat]

So, here's another Dean. This one's in neocolor crayon, which are very soft crayons - you can use water with them, but I haven't here, because the paper's newsprint and it would fall to pieces very quickly if I used water.

While I was drawing, I was pondering various arty matters. Mainly, how some art/craft posts - mostly on Facebook rather than here - irritate the hell out of me. You know the ones. Where there's some amazing piece of art/craft, but the caption is something like, 'please be kind - it's my first time!' When it's blatantly not their first time, unless art and craft is just plain easy, which it isn't. Anyway, I'm not sure why people make those posts - for others to comment how amazing they are? I suppose. But it must be pretty hollow to receive such compliments. Unless it really is their first time. And even then...

So, anyway, it made me think, why do I post my art? What exactly do I get out of it? Do I do it to receive validation in the form of compliments? I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that, but I just wanted to be really honest with myself. And also, why do I make art in the first place and why this particular type of art, drawing the same characters over and over?

Well, I think I draw for the same, or similar reasons that I write - because it's my own world, that I can control. There's comfort there, isn't there? And comfort in the characters I draw and write about - they're not called comfort characters for nothing, after all. And they're beautiful, aren't they? They're just damn beautiful. Why wouldn't I want to draw them?

So, I guess I want to pour my love into creating something beautiful, or as near beauty as I can get. And I choose to do that with my crayons or my charcoal or my pastels because I love those things too - their colours, the way they spread, the way you can make big, soft marks or sharp, dark marks, the way you can smush them around with your fingers, the way you can just mess about and sometimes it doesn't work and sometimes you get an amazing effect that you didn't know was possible. I love drawing randomly, roughly, searching and searching until I find what I want.

But why post online? Hmm... Well, yes, it is nice when people think what I've created is technically skilful. I have an ego that likes to be stroked, same as anyone else. But if that was the only reason, I'd probably cheat. Some people do. And if that makes them happy, who am I to criticize?

Anyway, I think what I'm after is connection, which is in no way an original thought. That's what makes fandom so wonderful, isn't it? The way you can find connections with other people all over the world. I think when I post, I'm looking for people who love the same kinds of things that I do - the same characters, obviously, but also the same kind of approach to art. The colours and the roughness, the playfulness and the 'continuing mission' to find beauty. I think I post in the hopes that someone will see my art and think, 'hey, I like that.' And that they'll feel a little spark of joy.

I think that's what all our fan creations are about. You get the firework of joy and excitement that goes off when you create your story or your picture and then, around the fandom world, other people get a spark struck from your joy. Which is pretty flowery stuff, but, hey - I'm a writer, aren't I?

That's enough rambling. Nearly. Because I also want to do the thing I often do, which is totally anti the 'it's my first time!' kind of posts. This is very far from my first time and I want you to see the crappiness of my progress shots, because it's important to know that there's almost always a lot of crappy stages before you reach something you consider beautiful. Not perfect. I'm not after perfection, which is impossible anyway, and I would never say any of my stuff is perfect because it's far from perfect and I don't want that - I want life and humanity and striving toward something.

I'm gonna shut up now, because there are burgers to be cooked and chocolate cake to be eaten, and hey! Doctor Who's on soon! Bye!

[coffeeghoulie]

for the kiss ask, 7 with dewphantom? :333

I do call them Aeon in this, I hope that's alright!

Prompt from this list

#7: to shut them up

"Dew?"

Dew blinks awake, back pressed against the wall of his bunk. The bus is swaying gently, and he can feel the vibrations of the engine even back here, in the darkness behind his privacy curtain. His sleep was restless anyways. The bunk has been too empty, too cold, even though the fire in his chest hasn't burned any lower.

"Voidling?" he mumbles. He paws the curtain open, revealing Aeon, blanket in hand, worrying at the skin around their claws, hands held up by their chest. They startle, even though they had called for him.

"Did I wake you?" they whisper, tail lashing behind them, the spade scraping against the rough carpet lining the aisle floor.

Dew shrugs, patting the space beside him. "You want in?"

They don't answer, crawling into Dew's bunk, dragging their blanket in with them. Dew's hit with the ozone scent of barely in-control quintessence, the tartness of blackberries underneath, and he's quick to reach out, hand just above their bicep.

"How'd you feel about touch, voidling?"

They nod, and Dew doesn't hesitate, pulling the younger ghoul into his arms, his narrow chest pressed against their back. "So," he hums, nosing at the soft black hair at the base of their skull. "Can't sleep?"

"Brain won't shut up," Aeon whispers, clutching the soft, violet fabric to their face, muffling their words.

Dew hums, a rusty purr kicking up in his chest. This has never been his strong suit, but Belial, Aeon came to him, and he'd be damned back to the Pit before he didn't at least try to help them. "You want to talk about it?"

Aeon tenses in his arms, and Dew purrs a little louder, hand rubbing up and down their bicep. "It's okay if you don't wa-"

"Do you think any of them really like me?" Aeon blurts out, turning in Dew's arms so they're facing him. Dew tenses, brow furrowing as he pulls them closer, chest to chest.

"What do you mean, voidling?" An icy feeling fills Dew's chest as Aeon begins to ramble.

"I don't think any of the fans like me, I keep making mistakes and I can feel Papa looking at me and I'm here instead of him and I'm not doing a good enough job taking his pl-"

He's had enough. He takes their face in his hands, spindly fingers, weaving into their hair as he kisses them softly.

"Voidling, sweet thing, listen to me, okay?"

Aeon nods, their violet eye crossed as they look at him, practically nose to nose. They're shaking, and Dew wishes he were better at this. But they came to him.

"They love you, voidling," he says, leaning closer to kiss between their eyes. "I promise you. You're doing just fine. And we all make mistakes, and we've been doing this a lot longer than you have."

"Thanks, Dew," they whisper, leaning into his hands.

"I know I've shown you that one time Swiss ate shit during Year Zero and fucked up his back," Dew says, scrabbling for his phone. "I don't think anyone's showed you this yet, voidling, but I fucked up Ritual one time so bad, I mimed shooting myself on stage, I was so embarrassed."

They laugh, a little chuckle, and Dew can feel it from where they're pressed together. He pulls back just a little to search for the clip. Dew feels Aeon relaxing against him, and counts it as a win.

[adhdtsukasa]

WXS OCHAME KINOU FINALLY RELEASED OFFICIALLY and i wanna ramble about the line distribution because it killed my grandma and it's becoming one of my favorite wxs covers all time. (at first i just wanted to talk about the emu solo line... but oh well...)

(the credit is on the screens, but the video belongs to yann__94 on yt!)

obviously rui got this line, it couldn't be any other way!! after all, this precisely *is* what rui's role mainly is. he's the stage director, the one who's supposed to make everything work well — and it only intensifies after backlight lens flare, where it was recognized even further from what i've seen. because i didn't watch the entirety of it yet. i'm waiting for my summer break to catch up on events

wonderland sekai!!! that sounds like a sole definition of wonderlands sekai to me. (and is only a furthermore proof why ochame kinou is so wxs coded that it even sounds like a wxs comm)

and this is what i wanted to talk about from the very beginning — because this is so cuteeee..... "is your birthday ahead" and they're releasing it just ten days before tsukasa's birthday? Hey. emu being the one who sing this line just adds to the adorableness because i'm not saying that nene and rui wouldn't do so, but combined with the way emu sings just makes me see the mental image of emu dragging tsukasa with her and just going "cmon cmon tsukasakun it's your birthday soon we need to have fun". which is honestly very accurate i think. she's the designated sun of the wxs, after all

but maybe i'm just biased because i love platonic emukasa as i already said countless of times 🫶🫶

THIS LINE ON THE OTHER HAND MAKES ME SO SAD and i don't call me a sadkaser because this is not meant to be, maybe i'm just reaching too much because i'm too kidkasa pilled from writing a thing for his birthday, but,,, yeah, it screams dazzling to me. because that's how tsukasa was as a kid, right? if you behave well and let them see you're the strong one, you'll be happy — but you still need to have faith that tomorrow will be a better day.

again, that only makes this cover releasing right before tsukasa's birthday even more foul lol.

and i don't have much to say about this line... i'm just glad to see that emu got to still have her dreamer motif here. makes me very happy.

and last but not least, polysho ruined lives

[xzerosparrowx]

Here is another little excerpt from the current Steddie WIP that I've been writing. In this fic Eddie still lives with his parents. It's still in its draft stage, but I like the dialogue and the vibe.

In this excerpt, Eddie is getting Alan out of jail.

-

They walk down the familiar hallway, the familiar anti-drug posters, that one flickering ceiling light that needs to be replaced until they reach a set of cells. Alan is standing, swaying slightly with sweat beading on his upper lip, his right shoe missing and his threadbare shirt ripped at the collar. 

“Eddie, my boy! You know how awful it is to sleep in here? They don't give you a fucking pillow, gotta be against the Geneva Convention or some shit,” Alan rambles, his words slurring as if he was still drunk. Alan is sober, it's just how he sounds now. 

“Did you get into a fight, again?” Eddie asks, leaning against the wall opposite, crossing his arms over his chest as Hopper unlocks the cell door.

“Some fuckin’ yuppies thought they were better than me. Fuckin’ assholes,” Alan mumbles as he stumbles out of the cell, Eddie and Hopper following behind him back out the hallway.

“College kids, Alan tried to steal one of their wallets,” Hopper amends to Eddie.

“Allegedly, I allegedly tried to steal their wallet.”

It is completely dark when they step outside, the street lights casting its golden glow on the pavement beneath “where’s the fucking car?” Alan drawls, staring dumbly towards the parking lot, no van in sight.

“You and Beth crashed my car, remember?” Eddie sighs, too tired to snap at Alan, too tired to care about Hopper staring at him.

“You should probably get it fixed then,” Alan answers unhelpfully, staggering his way towards the nearest bus stop, leaving Hopper and Eddie to themselves. 

“You know, if he was my Dad, I wouldn’t be paying for his bail,” Hopper says quietly and Eddie feels a familiar flash of anger, the burning embers of shame at the pit of his stomach.

“Good thing he ain’t your Dad then,” Eddie snaps, pulling out a cigarette from the crumpled box in his pocket and shoving it between his lips. He clicks the lighter, swearing under his breath when he struggles to light his fucking cigarette, he just needs a fucking light. Just needs something to fucking work for him. 

 “Just don’t let your parents drag you down with them,” Hopper says, taking out his own lighter and handing it to Eddie. 

“Look,” Eddie lights his cigarette, hands it back to Hopper and puts his own lighter back in his pocket, “I appreciate the whole good cop routine, but don't condescend to me about my fucking life, ok?”

“Ok.” 

“Thanks for the light,” Eddie mumbles in lieu of saying goodbye, turning on his heel and walking to the bus stop where Alan is sitting.

Eddie stands near Alan and all he can think about is the cut of money that he was supposed to give to Rick, the groceries, the bus fare, the water bill, the repairs for his van, the repairs for the plumbing. He will have to use the money from his actual job to give Rick his cut, and will have to spend the week eating slices of bread and canned soup-.

“I fucked up, didn't I?” Alan asks, staring out across the street at nothing.

“I was supposed to give Rick his cut, but I paid for your bail instead. So yeah, you did fuck up,” Eddie drops his cigarette, squishing it underneath his foot just as the bus rounds the corner to the street.

“I don't know why I'm like this,” Alan chokes out, his voice thickening and face crumpling before Eddie.

Alan Munson had a job once, was normal for a brief period of time where he was able to afford a house and go on a family trip to another state at least once a year. Eddie has vague memories of those years, too young to remember the details of the Grand Canyon or the beaches in California, now immortalised in photographs. Eddie hates looking at those pictures now. Hates seeing Alan almost losing it just as much.

“It's ok Dad, I'll figure it out.”

[isalisewrites]

A ramble on writing every day in February

Another month has gone by now. I have written every day in January and every in February, which is 60 consecutive days in a row where I have written 700 words or more every day.

It's been a shitty February.

I had to have some mild surgery that put me under anesthesia for the first time. I reacted to it for weeks, but thankfully that's subsided. Unfortunately, the stress was too much and I had to drop two of my three college classes. I did this because it's highly likely that I'll have to have further surgery this year.

Somehow, I still managed to stick with my goal.

Your girl purposely woke up an hour earlier, at 4am, to reach her goal before the surgery. Neither surgery or a later ER visit could stop this determined bitch from writing. (Just the anesthesia reaction)

It has been an immovable requirement in my day, even when I'm rushing at 11:58pm to hurry and get 700 words down before Scrivener resets for the day at 12:00am. Even now, it's almost 9pm my time and I haven't written my 700 words for the day.

Rest assured, it will be done.

I did not reach the same height of success as I did last month. I didn't knock it out of the park, but I still did pretty damn good and I'm proud of the word count that I reached this month.

There's something invigorating about sticking to the goal of writing everyday. Even though it's been so much harder, even though some days my brain is mush from the physical issues I'm dealing with, I am so glad that I've kept going. It's been a VERY difficult month - both physically and mentally.

I'm so glad I haven't given up on this.

Everything else can fall around me, but writing is my anchor and my sanity. Again, I can say with perfect confidence that choosing to write every day no matter what has been the best thing that I could for my mental health.

You can see how there were so many days where hitting my bare minimum was all I could do - and that was good enough. The bare minimum is 700 words a day or 20,300 words for February. I reached 31,000 words.

Not bad at all.

I had not one, but TWO unruly chapters this month, where I had to split them into two because of how long they were getting. Arc Two had been 27 chapters in total, but it's now 29 chapters. Out of all the Arcs, I had not anticipated it would Arc Two that would get bigger. This tells me that my rough estimate for Arc Three, Four, and Five is probably very wrong.

But I managed to complete four more chapters. They're in my 'pre-edit' stage, which means they're unrefined and need a good comprehensive edit. Usually, when I go through my comprehensive edit, I add 1,000 to 2,000 words to the chapter. It's a vital part of my writing process and cannot be skipped.

This is how determined I am. This is how much I'm tracking everything. This graph here shows the magnitude of my commitment to this story.

There were more hard days than easy days this last month, unfortunately. So many days, it felt like my mind was swimming in molasses. But I still wrote, even if I didn't always like what had been written. It's good enough. Something is better than nothing. Living each day doing what is my soul's greatest joy and desire makes life bearable.

Until next month.

[nobodysdaydreams]

OH AM I GONNA HAVE SOME FUN WITH THIS IF I EVER HAVE THE TIME TO WRITE FANFIC

(Or my reaction to Episode 61 of Wolf359: Brave New World).

Well gang, we did it. We've reach the end. Sorry for how my reactions went from super spaced out to speed running the finale in a number of days, but I did warn you that I'm just sporadic like that. Though I have been semi-putting Brave New World off, because as much as I want to know how Wolf359 ends, I don't want it to end. I love these characters. I want good things for them. As much as I hate what they did, I wish that Hilbert and Maxwell had gotten the chance to get the redemption arc that Jacobi got. Hilbert had plenty of opportunities, but Maxwell was young and its not fair. I don't know how much more sadness they are gonna throw at me, but I'm guessing its a lot and I can't listen to it all in one sitting, so I'm just mentally preparing myself.

I also don't want this to end because I've loved giving you guys these reactions. Thank you all for reading my rambles and enjoying them. It means a lot to me, and I hope you were entertained. Thanks for coming on this journey with me, and please know that the second this is over, I am gonna figure out how to unblock the wolf359 tags (I did it so long ago I forgot how I did it, oopsie-daisy), and I am am gonna be reblogging and going crazy over all your posts and fanart and stuff so I hope you're ready for that.

Plus finishing the podcast also means it's time for me to deliver on those fics I promised y'all, which have been very carefully written (in my head). I will write them out eventually, but if there is anything my tmbs mutuals will tell you, my wolf359 mutuals, it's that my ideas tend to lead to other ideas, which means my fics do tend to be a little long, but (based on the reviews I've gotten) worth the read. So it might take a while to get them on AO3, but when I do, I hope you enjoy them!

Tagging the mutuals who got me invested in this, and if you want to be tagged or untagged from these posts, lmk, or you can follow my blog or simply follow the tag "#bods wolf359 reactions". Anyone who has followed me for a while knows my updates are inconsistent, so I apologize in advance for that and for any spelling/grammar mistakes in my posts.

@sophieswundergarten @oflightningandstars @acollectionofcuriousreblogs @herawell @commsroom @lovelyladylavie

Episode 61: Brave New World

The fact that Brave New World was written in 1932 and Cutter and Pryce are old and the fact that the message of Brave New World is about humans losing their humanity...already we're setting the stage.

And based on Kepler's earlier declaration, why do I suspect that this is the part where Doug's daughter's life and Minkowski's husband's life are finally on the line. I know Cutter and Pryce won't hesitate to aim their guns at them (and probably the rest of the planet too).

That moment when you can't tell if Wolf359 starts with sad piano music, or if this is just an ad for another podcast.

Oh it's the intro. Hi Hera! Or Miranda...oh wait I genuinely can't tell if this is Miranda talking about herself or Hera talking about her.

Clouded eyes, weak heart, child genius, orphan, no friends...I see. Obsessed with making things stronger and better. Yeah, except for herself I bet. Oh. She made her friends. Because she could control them. "Never left her behind, never talked back, never were afraid of her...except when she wanted them to be." "The one thing she couldn't fix was herself" see I called it!

Until? Oh no. Marcus.

And Old Man? Almost as clever as her? "Hello little girl. I want you to make a doll for me. You're very best doll. It must look like a real person, and sound like a real person, and be a real person." "And if I can?" "Then you and I will fix the world. I will be young and you will be whole and the world will finally be everything it could be. Everything it should be."

Okay. Thoughts.

When I made my jokes about Pryce being Cutter's evil science girlfriend, I was not assuming a romantic relationship, I was trying to use that language to insult Pryce and Cutter by making them sound like the kids they hate so much in a frivolous, juvenile and toxic relationship. Then, I was told by a few of you that given this assumption, it’s important that I know that I shouldn't assume that Pryce met Cutter when she was young based on this story and it was meant to be "fairytale language", which does make sense given that Cutter being willing to call Miranda his "work wife" when he's known her since she was young enough to be his granddaughter is incredibly creepy.

I appreciate the clarification, but also, I really don't think it matters whether this is hyperbole or not. If it is, then okay. Pryce and Cutter's relationship is still weird. If it's not, then Cutter's a creep, what a surprise. Tell me something I don't know.

"And so they did. And everyone lived happily ever after. The end."

The fact that it's Cutter that interrupts Miranda's story to give that closing line and declare this the end adds to the creepiness. Miranda says what Marcus's promise to her was, but never says whether she agreed before Marcus jumps in with "and so they did". Also, if Miranda was dying, Cutter was her only chance at survival. It also sounds like she was a kid with a pretty messed up view of the world. Doesn't excuse anything she did, but see Cutter? THAT is how you give a good sad backstory, and she did it in five minutes. You spent a whole hour with Nash just so you could cry that the government took your precious telescope.

--------------

"THAT'S the evil plan?" Care to fill us in Doug?

"That's THE plan, yes." Shut it Rachel. It's evil and you know it.

It's...so evil. And so...planned. Doug's words might be simple, Rachel, but sometimes simple is better. It gets to the point and cuts through the BS.

"It's real and it's happening" And ARE you happy about this Kepler? And why tell them?

Good question Kepler, why are you here? Please tell me you're going to take Rachel away.

"You're going to help" "of course I am" Are you Kepler? Oh please tell me he gets a redemption arc and betrays Cutter.

Does anyone want to fill ME in on the plan? No one? Okay. :(

"Where's the trust?" That's not for you, Rachel.

"I really don't like her" I don't either, Doug.

"What about Cutter's plan?" WHAT IS THE PLAN? WILL BOB AGREE TO IT? WHAT WILL WORK? WHAT WILL THEY DO?

We can't stop them, so let's see our families again. No, Minkowski, you can do this! I believe in you! You can't just go home, we have two hours left! That's plenty of time to stop them.

It's been a long...years.

I forget how long they've been up there. And that everyone on Earth believes they're dead.

And not do anything about WHAT? WHAT IS THE PLAN PLEASE FILL ME IN.

What was that sound?

-----------

Oh Doug is in the comms room. Oh yikes. It's okay, Doug. We've all broken very expensive lab equipment before.

"Living in a cuckoo clock" you have no idea, Doug.

"I wouldn't do that." Is that Pryce or Hera? And yeah why is there gas?

"Good boy" oh good it's Hera. Hera calls him good boy, Pryce just calls him boy.

"Who are you?" OH THIS IS DOUG MEETING HERA FOR THE FIRST TIME. At first I thought that Doug...forgot her? Or something? I was confused.

Ultraviolet halo? Contraband cigarettes. 😂

"Just ask. I'm here to help." Aw that was sweet.

-------------

Ew Rachel. I'm gonna start using "----" breaks to cut off sections.

"Actually he's in quite a lot of pain. Back to work." Always charming, Rachel.

"Thanks for saving our lives-" Kepler, that's a great question. What IS this? Where was the concern for brainwashed Jacobi or better still, WHERE WAS YOU CONCERN FOR MAXWELL? Or Jacobi dealing with her death?

"And do what? Get myself shot? Get you shot? No. I played the game." Was it worth it, Kepler?

"That's the lie you tell yourself. The truth? The truth is that you were afraid. And the only thing YOU did was try to save YOUR hide?"

Dang this dialogue is amazing.

"You're not wrong." "Which one?" "Both of you." This isn't YOUR conversation Rachel.

-----------

Momentary weakness?

Oh my gosh, the good food too? Why does Cutter hit so many show Curtain parallels? He might torture, enslave, and kill people, but he's gonna get them a good meal first.

Good for you Doug, turning down the wine. I'm proud of him.

This is a sweet moment between Doug and Lovelace. I gotta say, since I'll be reacting to this section by section, it's nice that they have it broken up a little like this so I can reach a section and then get to a stopping point if I need to.

I'm just worried about who is going to die. These conversations feel like goodbyes.

----------

Minkowski. I know you miss your husband. But...yeah, ARE you ready to go back?

YEAH WE'RE DOING THIS! To borrow from Eris's words: "Let's beat the bad guys 🥳"

----------

Quiet Rachel.

LET'S GO MINKOWSKI. WHO CARES WHAT CUTTER AND PRYCE WANT?

Wait. Destroy a whole species?

Are they talking about humans?

...are they ecofascists? Eugenicists? Pryce is literally disabled, how the heck...

"Only stay if you have to." Well, it sounds like you all have to.

"Hera what did you say to her" "Something a friend once said to me" 🥰🥰🥰

"I'm starting to think these guys are my kind of stupid" GO JACOBI!

"Adorable corpses 🥰" Rachel you suck!

"Come with us. You're still people, you're still on our side, even if you don't think you are." Very true. What do you think Pryce and Cutter will do to YOU when they have what they want? They'll dispose of you too.

"You're allowed to make mistakes as long as at some point you admit that they're mistakes!" "I was wrong and people died. All I can do is not be wrong again" "You knew what you were getting into" "No I didn't. I didn't know I was getting into mind control and reducing people to nothing. There's a line. And you're almost out of chances to get on the right side of it." PREACH!

"There is no line. Forwards. Always forwards." FORWARDS TO WHAT RACHEL? WHY HAS NO ONE SHOT HER YET?

"Thank you, Daniel, and goodbye." Oh so that's how it is. Goodbye Kepler. I look forward to your last minute sacrifice.

Character arcs woven like a quilt.

"We're going to crush them" Yeah, let's do it!

A full reboot? Worth the risk? That kind of stuff always worries me.

Is this Maxwell's notes? It's hard to recognize the voice on the recording. "She really was something special" Oh it is Maxwell.

----------

Ah. Another flashback! Jacobi meeting Maxwell.

Looks like Kepler got an important text.

"Cool stuff with robots" good work Maxwell. The best scientists can always dumb it down.

"The Whiskey speech" 😂

"You're one of the best. You're gonna do great things. It's the last nice thing you'll ever hear from me. Except: you need anything I got you're back. No matter what happens, I've got your back. I'll take you up on that." 😭💔

Oh it's okay. Take my heart. I didn't need it.

----------

"Are they going to do the smart thing?" "Well who are we to deny them an agonizing death?" Shut it Cutter.

They put a tracker on Jacobi? See I knew Rachel was a snake. So is Kepler, but at least he's gonna take a bullet for someone or something. My money's on Jacobi, but I could be wrong.

----------

Yep. Eiffel logs everything.

"I never got the chance to say I'm sorry. YOUR DAD LOVES YOU, YOUR DAD LOVES YOU SO MUCH." 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

"Don't let anyone tell you that you can't do something. You can go so far. I wish I could be there to see it. I love you Ann. Always and forever."

AKJLS;DJFKL;SJF;ALSKDJFA;KD

Time to go? Oh. The comms room? Oh, right. Poor Doug.

"One more day, and then we're done." This is so sad.

Wait...what is happening? OH SHE LIED. SHE'S TAKING EIFFEL HOME TO PROTECT HIM. SO HE CAN SEE HIS DAUGHTER? DON'T DO THIS TO DOUG! DON'T DO THIS TO ME.

"Go home Eiffel, hug your daughter" OH HE CALLED HER RENEE!

This leaves me with so much feeling.

Eiffel can't leave he's the main character. Who will make pop culture references? Who will save the day through the power of random associations, luck, and good intentions?😭😭😭

I hate that they the bad guys know exactly what happened too.

"I'm so sick of this happening!" Use too Doug.

Oh "For god's sake just let me change the flight plan!" So that's what the F stands for. The lore I've been waiting for.

"People need to know what's coming?" Minkowski...I get why you did what you did, but HERA DIDN'T GET TO SAY GOODBYE.

----------

Is this Minkowski's flashback?

Oh when Minkowski met Hera.

"I heard units prefer to go by their serial numbers..." "I don't" Good for you Hera!

I love this. I love these flashbacks, but they just make everything so much more sad!

----------

Ah. More piano music. Does this mean we're back to the bad guys, or...?

Is this Cutter playing the piano?

"The Tempest. Do read a book sometime. Is this the best use of our time?" Pryce and Cutter are really the most toxic people.

"A storm is coming. And on the other side..." "Oh Brave New World." "That has such people in it."

Yes, Pryce and Cutter. People. As in humans. As in: NOT YOU.

"How have they decided to throw their lives away?" "By destroying the device"

WHAT DEVICE? What are you talking about?

Heck yeah a harpoon! I hope Cutter gets it.

----------

"This is Minkowski. I love schedules and musicals and that man who I married." 😂 1-2-3-4-5? It was a good guess Doug. Would have worked in my fanfic.

Okay here comes Victor...

...um what is happening? What is this?

...a surprise party? Sounds fun! 🪩🥳

Oh right, the bio tracker. I'm happy to see Jacobi pulled one over on him. Now shoot him! Please tell me that was Victor that got shot.

They...they trapped him in the room. "Tell me this before I kick your ass" Why on Earth would he ever tell you anything Victor?

----------

Okay, so they are blowing up Pryce and Cutter's evil device, but...what is the device? What ARE they doing? Did I miss it? I'm sure they're doing something to enslave or kill all of humanity, but I'd like the specifics.

"The Hephaestus has almost fallen out of the sky so many times, it's hard to believe it's happening." Well...the show isn't over until it's over.

Is this a Lovelace flashback? A date? A date with who? Oh, Hilbert. Not that kind of date then. Oh, this is her introducing Hilbert to the crew he's going to betray.

"Prudent to keep things formal" to avoid the guilt.

Selburg. Once again with the constant fake names. Dmitri. Matthew.

Though I think Miranda has always had hers.

----------

Yeah Doug. You've listened to her say it so many times. This is like me trying to drive in my hometown. No, I wasn't paying attention in the car as a kid, I was not the one doing the driving. I just zoned out and we got from point A to point B by magic.

Oh, Minkowski. "Get up and do it already. You can do it."

Yes you can Doug. You are the main character. You are the guy that's gonna swoop in at the last second when Cutter pulls one over one them. So you CAN do it. I believe in you, Eiffel.

"Victor Uniform Lemma Charlie Alpha November VULCAN" I knew it must stand for something! Good work Doug!

----------

Oh dear. More of Pryce and Cutter's marriage falling apart.

"Time to change the world." Or you could not. Maybe you could just not.

WHY IS THE DEVICE RUNNING? WHAT DEVICE? WHY DOES HE NEED TWO MINUTES?

Please explain this? Oh of course he has a speech.

Oh he's talking to the dear listeners, not the Hephaestus crew.

Ah. The Decima virus. Thanks a lot Hilbert. DEPLOY THROUGHOUT THE EARTH? He wants to cause a pandemic????

Automatic, can't be stopped, destruction of human race? But why would the aliens care? Oh because Cutter wants them to talk to HIM? But the aliens prefer Doug.

As do most others it would seem. Hurts, doesn't it, Cutter? All those years of experience and work, and yet, you still just can't have what he has, can you?

Ah. It's Bob. Did he just shock Bob? No temporal jumps, no disintegration?

"Remarkable and cold" No Bob, you saw Doug! It's just them. They don't need to be cold.

Willing to disrupt species survival??? What piece of tech do they want? Surrogates?

They want to fill the world with people they can control?

"You can't make duplicates of our species." Bob, they are worst than you can ever imagine.

"We're going to make better humans." "That is not the way that-" "Random part out of the equation" That's a bad idea. Do you know how evolution works? Do you know the negative side effects that have come out of selective breeding of animals? The unintended consequences? To quote Miranda from earlier in the episode: READ. A. BOOK.

"Our Humanity" Gross.

HOW ARE THEY ACCEPTABLE? IT'S MUSIC. WHY ARE YOU THAT DESPERATE FOR MUSIC?

Oh here is comes. Betraying Rachel and Warren.

OH TELL HIM BOB.

"Your brains can't handle it without modification. I cannot with my limitations. Do you have Doug Eiffel?"

Hahaha...hahahahahahaha....HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA..... 😂😂😂😂

Oh boy...oh Cutter is gonna snap. If only Doug had just kept going...

Oh wow okay Cutter has lost it. What happened to emotionally playing the piano and giving speeches about how the time had come?

oh geez no, Doug is back. Doug, no, they need you for the evil plans. This is a good idea, but very bad timing.

"He wouldn't" Oh he WOULD. He really really would.

Show 'em how it's done Dougie Boy!

"I'll get it" No you will NOT Miranda.

Kepler, now is a great time to betray Cutter and Rachel. A really good time.

Also is Victor dead? I'm trying to keep track of how many bad guys are gone.

----------

"You're the only person who can receive the data Pryce and Cutter want" Oh dear.

"With my life darling, with my life" 🥹💕

So what is Hera going to do?

"Lets make sure at least someone makes it through this" YOU ALL NEED TO MAKE IT.

"Let's go get our idiot back" That's the spirit baby!

----------

Oh dear. Jacobi. "Terrific for an SI-5." Wow.

"I'm gonna win!" I hope so Jacobi. But it sounds very not good.

Oh and here's Doug. And um...other Doug. Aka Bob.

Bob. Do not do this.

That was it? "You shall not call me again" "No Bob. I shall not."

THEY KILLED BOB.

"I hate loose ends"

I mean, I saw that coming, but dumb idea. I'm SURE Bob's family will be cool with that! Oh right, he just...recreates himself. But this has got to be trippy for Doug because Bob takes his form. Imagine watching a clone of yourself die.

"Pryce is not right?" DANG IT DOUG, I WAS GONNA USE THAT PUN IN MY FANFICTION AND NOW I CAN'T (WELL MAYBE I STILL WILL WE'LL SEE WHAT HAPPENS HERE).

"Let's make a deal 🥰" Wow Pryce is the worst. Again, very trippy how much she sounds like Doug.

Wait. GOING IN? What does. What does "going in" mean? Don't go in, I don't like going in?

Ah yes. Going into someone's mind. I've done that in my fics before too. Fun stuff. And um...it's because you're disorganized Doug, I hate to tell you.

"That was...that was...that was..." OH SHE DESTROYED THE MEMORY. OH SHE TOOK THE MEMORY?

This is...horrifying. She could take his daughter away. She could take Hera, Minkowski, and everyone and everything away.

HERA! HECK YEAH!

Oh my gosh is she actually here? Like as a person?

This is everything.

----------

Ah yes, confrontation with Cutter.

Cutter has modified his body or he has a magic shield.

He can catch bullets? Of course he can.

I wouldn't try hand to hand combat either. I bet he gave himself super strength.

There has to be a weak spot. He has to have a weakness. But what could it be...

...what is the opposite of a chai latte?

----------

Ah. Back to Jacobi.

Kepler this would be a GREAT TIME to come in and get your arc. "I'm not a good guy" oh Jacobi. What's happening now? Oh has he been pretending to lose this fight to buy them time? What is happening? It's hard to tell.

----------

She's always been interesting, Pryce! You’re just noticing now.

"You don't look like me." Disappointed, Pryce? Sad that she’s better than you?

And the fact that all these AI want human forms...this is so sad. They structured them based on human consciousness so of course they want human bodies and experiences, that's just cruel.

Wait Doug got beat up in the 2nd grade? The Star Wars Prequels? "I might be okay without that one" No one tell him about the sequels 😂😂😂

"Of course you can. You can do anything." 💕

"You and what army, 214?" The sounds in this really makes the fight sound super epic. One of my favorite parts of the whole thing.

----------

Oh gross not Rachel again. Why is she still here?

And Kepler. Dude, you wanna hurry it up? Grab your arc or go, the clock is a-ticking.

"We're changing what humanity can be." you suck Rachel.

Pulse beacon, half power? What does that mean? The signal wouldn't have made it back to Earth?

"We have tell Mr. Cutter." "Do we?" KEPLER THIS IS IT!

YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES!!!!

He gave you a chance, Rachel. He gave you a chance. "After all, I am still a person. I'm on Jacobi and Minkowski's side. Even if they don't think I am"

And even if they never know you were.

Is she gonna blast him out the airlock? Rachel, you're dying, it's over! You were wrong! The best thing to do is let him live!

He's literally drinking as he goes out the airlock. My...my wish came true. But this isn't how I wanted it to... why now? Why like this? 💔

It's a true sacrifice though. Because even though no one will ever know, he still did the right thing.

You became more than just a Whiskey Boy in the end Kepler. You became so much more.

Rachel, no so much. You were never anything. It doesn't matter if Warren was not as good as you. Because now you're both dead. And your life, well...you were never anyone. Or at least, you haven't been anything or anyone for a long, long, time. So be quiet now.

Silence at last.

----------

HOW CAN CUTTER GET HER TO POINT HER GUN AT MINKOWSKI? WHAT...WHAT DID THEY DO?

Well this isn't good.

Ah yes. Back to Jacobi. Looks like Kepler's not coming to save him. But at least he took care of Rachel.

Explosives? Fireworks? Oh this is a party! 🎆🎇🧨

Well that was a grand surprise party! But um...does this mean Victor and Jacobi are dead now?

Ah back to Lovelace and Minkowski!

"It's...side wave radiation!" Okay, thank you Cutter, now we know what we need to shut down.

"Humans who do exactly what we tell them to do" "You're crazy"

Yeah. He is literally crazy.

OH SHE SHOT HER??? Oh no....Oh no please tell me SOMEONE makes it out of this.

What really did happen the night of Doug's junior prom? Sounds interesting.

Fishing with Dad? Okay these memories are getting personal.

Wait, what did Doug do?

What are they going to do? Oh they could delete the memories Bob put in there. But they need to find them before Pryce.

----------

Shut up about the stomach wound Cutter. No one cares. This isn't rewriting a person. And THAT'S NOT WHY PEOPLE CARED ABOUT HER YOU IDIOT. And without your intelligence and tech, who. are. YOU, CUTTER?

Renee Minkowski! YES! Tell him!

Lovelace you can fight this. I know you can.

Shut it Cutter. No one cares.

"Sooner or later, you're gonna do as your told" And sooner or later, you are gonna lose everything, Cutter.

"You really think I'm afraid of you?" "THE BEAUTIFUL THING IS I DON'T NEED YOU TO BE"

Please tell me they have the harpoon gun.

IT WAS THE HARPOON GUN? OH HECK YEAH!

"That's...not...how...this is suppose to..."

Yes, it is Cutter. Like you said. You know how these stories end. The good guys win. They might lose a lot in the process, but, they win.

Is he dead now, like, for real dead? I don't want to celebrate too early but MAN what a way to go.

He and Rachel even died in similar ways to. It's like they short circuited when they realized they didn't win.

----------

Ah Pryce. "I don't need to beat you. No matter how much I want to, no matter how much you deserve it, it wouldn't change anything. What I need to do is make sure you're not going to hurt anyone else again ever." That's right!

"I'm not going to hurt you." OH SAY THE CLIP YOUR WINGS LINE COME ON COME ON COME ON.

"Clip your wings a little. Goodbye Dr. Pryce."

So...Hera's gone now. So what is about to happen?

Oh no. Is she...is she gonna delete both their memories?

"Bye bye to my memories?" Oh Doug, oh poor Doug. His daughter, everything...oh Doug this sacrifice will not be forgotten. 🫡 This is so Milligan coded of him (@/tmbs mutuals).

"You can't. Don't do this." "Oooo...sorry buddy, we gotta" YEAH THROW IT BACK AT HER EIFFEL!

And goodbye. I hope you have a second chance with your daughter. I hope you never remember the trauma. All a bad dream. All a bad dream.

"Do you have any idea what you've...I'm sorry...what was I saying...where...where am I?" Oh my gosh the way her voice changed...and she apologized. Oh my gosh. She's literally a new person.

So...memories gone? Where does this leave her? Oh this will be fun in fanfics. Imagine having no memories, and people are weird about it, and then finding out that before you were basically the worst person to ever exist. How would you even mentally cope with that?

"Yeah commander, it's going." No, Doug! Doug!

"It was an honor, sir" Oh this is so sad.

"Hera...Hera I...I..." You know Hera. You were in his mind. Please tell me you know.

Oh. He's gone. 💔

----------

WHY IS RACHEL BACK I THOUGHT WE TOOK CARE OF THAT?

Oh it's her and Eiffel meeting, okay.

"Are you just asking if I'm the commander? Yes." I love Minkowski and Doug's friendship.

"Never use one word when ten will do" oh Doug...never change. Even if your memories are gone, I hope you find yourself again.

He didn't know you couldn't smoke in space? Oh Doug...at least now you can quit.

----------

"Do I know you?" Yes Doug. Yes you do.

She's briefing him. He...he doesn't remember Star Wars???

Well. At least he gets to watch it all again!

Wait. What's happening to the station? Are they...are they going into the star?

Oh no. So it's up to the dear listeners to save them, or...they just die here. Heroes. Heroes that everyone on Earth thought were dead already.

Oh she's rebooting now.

"Should we be doing something?" Oh did Renee pass out?

So...is Doug on the ship alone without his memories? What's happening?

----------

Where is Renee now? Lovelace? Where? What? The Urania? How?

Did they leave Pryce on board? Did Jacobi get out?

Oh good Hera, Minkowksi, and Lovelace made it. Jacobi did it! Nice work, Jacobi. Oh gosh he's so dramatic 😂

So I assume Doug made it too?

"What about Kepler" "No." Oh so, they must have found Rachel and discovered what he did. "You can't save everyone I suppose"

But you did save him, Jacobi. You did save Whiskey Boy.

And then where is Doug?

Oh he's listening to himself.

"I was a jerk" There's a lot worse things you can be, Doug.

It does make you wonder. If you looked at your life with a blank slate, what would you think? How would you be kinder to yourself? How would you be more critical?

"Am I still that same person?" If you want to be, Doug. If you want to be.

And what happened to Pryce? Please tell me you did not give her to the dear listeners.

IS THIS PRYCE?

Oh Hera and Pryce. "Your voice is like mine, isn't it?" "Nice to meet you, Hera." Oh. Oh my gosh. Pryce calling her Hera.

"And I'm...I'm going to tell you a very, very long story about the two of us, okay?"

I hope this ends well...

...please be a good guy, Pryce.

----------

Hey guys. Guys. Quick question.

Why are there 10 minutes left?

I um...I like this ending. They're going back to Earth, all is well. Please tell me nothing bad happens.

What happened with Pryce? Hera hasn't glitched at all? She did it. She conquered her fear. GO HERA! But um...what about Pryce? Is she...is she good?

Minkowski needs to find her husband. And yeah...you guys have a lot to figure out.

Lovelace...yep. Take Goddard down. Good idea. Explain to your friends you're an alien with extended lifespan...might want to break that gently.

Take who out?

Oh the ship. Is this it? They're going home? Please tell me they're actually going home. Don't tease me like this.

Oh right, what will Hera do now? I'm sure you'll find something.

And yeah. Doug might not know who he is, but he knows there are people he should see. And then...he'll figure it out. They'll all figure it out. "Am I still Doug Eiffel? I'm not sure. Want to find out together?"

Yes. I love this. 🥰

I also love how it connects to "will I miss you, when you go away forever Doug?" Yes, but he's not gone Hera. He's not gone.

----------

Five minutes left. So...what is that for? Do we finally get to meet Doug's daughter and Minkowski's husband...or…

That was wolf359! Oh it’s just the credits!

Great ending. But...wait. No wait. I'm confused hang on.

How did Jacobi escape from Victor to get the Urania? How is Hera going to survive on Earth? How did they fix those wounds? If the Hephaestus went into the star...

Wait. These aren't more alien copies are they? Oh wait, no Hera's here, sorry y'all I panicked for a moment. They duplicate human lives, but as far as I know, not AI. Also, if this was a happy dream sequence, why would Pryce be there? Okay, phew, we're good. We're...finally good.

And even if they are alien copies...the process will take 14,000 years. So. For the rest of their lives, at least. Especially since...they're still using Lovelace to spy on Earth. For the next 14,000 years. But I guess that’s a problem for future generations.

Okay. Great ending. Thoughts:

Cutter got what he deserved. So did Rachel, but I feel a bit sadder that she never realized the pointlessness of her life until it was too late (and really not even then). Also love that Cutter's original last name was "Newman" since he keeps making himself into "new men".

Kepler's sacrifice was great no notes. I hope he enjoyed the Whiskey.

Blessie should have come back, and in fanfic, I will find a way to make this happen.

Eris should have come back, and in fanfic, I will find a way to make this happen.

Are the Dear Listeners just going to leave Earth alone now? If the Hephaestus went into the star...does that mean they can make Rachel and Cutter copies? Because I don't like that...

I love that the aliens weren't the biggest threat in the end and Cutter was always the real monster.

Is Pryce cool now? She doesn't want revenge, does she? Like what do you even do with her at that point? (I have plans for this, don't worry).

How do they dismantle or repurpose Goddard? Cutter probably has guys still loyal to him on Earth or people who are gonna try to be the next Cutter now that he's out of the picture. How do you deal with them?

Okay...so the decima virus can be used for great good and great evil. Cutter apparently had stations with it set up all over the Earth. I hope no one stumble across one of those anytime soon. What exactly are they going to do about decima? It's still swimming about in Eiffel's blood.

Is Minkowski's journalist husband going to blow this case wide open? I hope that after her brief phone call with his secretary, Cutter didn't kill him to keep the rumors from spreading.

Will the families of all the other astronauts that died ever get closure? I know we don't want this getting out and causing panic, but they deserve answers too.

When. Is. The. Empty. Man. Going. To. Show. Up???? /j /It was Cutter the whole time because he has no humanity

Well that was fun. Again, the fanfic will probably take a good long while (I put off a lot in order to listen to this ending), but I look forward to mapping it out.

Once again, thank you all for listening along with me. This has been fun.

Now, to figure out how to unblock those pesky tags...

[your-queer-dad]

Hey Queer dad, I only just found this blog, but I'm writing you anyway, I Don't want to be anonymous, I want my name attached to my story I fear that I'm probably going to explain myself poorly but here goes anyway I am going to be 24 years old this May, I've been on E since 10 - 2020 Ive had to move out to live with my boyfriend of 3 years and it feels like I've all but abandoned my dreams of going through college as an engineer, things were hard to keep up with when covid struck and now I'm a trans-woman living in Georgia USA, I understand that its not as good as my home-state of New York on trans issues, but I have my BF and his Family who are supportive... I'm SCARED as of late sure I live in a fairly chill part of the state, but i'm SCARED like big time, its making my mental health journey harder, and I'm finding a lot of VERY bad thoughts creeping in, mostly about my appearance and all that, I don't look all that fem when i have trouble taking care of my day-to-day hygiene,

My dad is ""Supportive"" as far as accepting the fact that I'm his daughter now, but he and most of my extended family still doesn't use my pronouns or chosen name. My mom, well she left this world, and me alone in it, sure she was never the best to me, but she would have been the one person to support me. When she left I promised myself and her that I would take the little support I spit on and ground into the dirt as a teenager and actually be true to myself.

I know that at this point I am rambling, but I want to put meaning and journey behind my words THANK YOU, for being here for us. THANK YOU for providing a space for us to ask questions, and get parental style advice when we have no-one else and I ask of you this, how does one find community in this world when one struggles to navigate the fear she feels from the world around her?

Hi!! Thank you so much for reaching out. Honestly, it sounds like you've had such a rough time and I am really proud of you. Thank you for sharing your story, I appreciate it, and I'll do my best to help out.

Personal story time: I myself was (and still am sometimes) in a very similar situation myself. And it is scary, it's really isolating to see so much hate from others just for being yourself, and it makes you want to withdraw and hide. And I hid, for so long- it's really hard to show your true self in a world so full of hate and fear.

But I did, slowly, step by step. A little bit every day. Us humans, we're not supposed to be on our own. We're pack animals, like wolves or lions, we thrive off other people's company (some more than others). With mental health, when all you want to do is hide and let the world forget that you exist, what helps you the most is finding others who feel like it and can help.

Easier said than done right?

I'm still working on it, and there's never going to be a stage where you're perfect at it- but every day, just actively trying to engage with others around you, I found helped me. Not running away when people offer help, speaking to new people, finding my local queer community- just actively being aware of my surroundings and gently pushing myself to talk to new people.

The worlds a lot less scary when you have an army of support behind you.

It takes time, and energy. It's hard. And definitely baby steps, small steps. But there are so many good people out there, who will love you and accept you and value you, you just have to find them.

I'm really proud of you, I'm always here if you need someone to talk to and feel free to reach out anytime. Everything will be okay.

- dad x

[dlamp-dictator]

Okay, Let's Talk About 5 - 30

So, this horrid stage has probably stumped a lot of folks, especially folks that aren't used to the typical Project Moon Bullshit™ of having to fail about 10+ times before you actually figure out the answer to the puzzle the game is giving you... and RNG screwing you over. Mostly that last one, but occasionally Project Moon does throw out some damn tough puzzles to solve.

And with Chapter 5.5 now out I wanted to make a quick guide on how to get through this stage so people can actually beat Canto 5, rush through the Christmas event, and have access to 5.5 before it ends in a month. I'll... debate on explaining how to kill Siltcurrent/Neon Whale/That FUCKING ASSHOLE PARALYZING BIG NUMBERS ASS HAVIN-

But that's for another time.

And yes folks, people have been legitimately stuck on this stage to the point of some people having been barred from the Christmas event because of it. And the most I've seen of people actually helping with this boss in terms of guides and advice is the general fandom being some real assholes about reading passive and showing of their Base Ishmael solo clears without actually explaining anything. But I'm not here to whine about the fandom, I'm here to help with this stage.

Now usually, this is the part where I'd usually give a synopsis for the followers and mutuals that would like context to my long ramblings, but this is an endgame stage and the process of explaining Project Moon games in depth to people unfamiliar with them gives my stomach ulcers so I'll cut my usual fluff and get to the advise.

The Short Answer

For those of you wanting to just know the basics of how to survive this stage here's the brass tacks:

Stagger Ricardo twice to "win"

Don't kill Ricardo's two goons, just clash with them (ideally with a tank ID with aggro) to avoid buffing him further.

Ishmael is quasi-immortal and won't die so long as there's a surviving Sinner in play, so she can tank damage easily.

Use tremor IDs to make staggering easier during his "Test of Big Brother" phase

Use Ishmael's base EGO ASAP to make clashing for her easier.

Alright, with that said, here's some more details about the boss fight.

The Long Answer

I know I said this before, but it's worth repeating. This is endgame content. At this point of the game Project Moon expects you to have that Season Pass at least half finished, at least three teams of Sinners with good synergy (having teams for Charge, Tremor, Rupture, etc.), and have at least some meta IDs. This is not an unreasonable ask either. Most of us started between Seasons 1 & 2 and should have at least a solid team or six made already, a lot of the gacha resources are easy to obtain with patience, and you should have a decent understanding of the game's general mechanics by now. You can only be so ignorant before the failure is ultimately your fault, and while Ricardo definitely has some bullshit to him, most of his puzzle pieces are understandable after the fifth attempt.

I don't say this to insult you guys, but I know a lot of people stuck on this stage are also people that have been speedrunning the content and are now running into a wall as they've pushed further than what the game expected and probably don't have the game knowledge or resources to get through a very blatant knowledge & resource check. Yes, I've seen the Base ID & Base EGO clears too, but those are from people very used to Project Moon Bullshit™ and are outliers.

Now, with all that preamble out the way, here's the general idea.

This is a semi-survival stage where you have to not defeat Ricardo, but reach his second stagger threshold in about 5-7 turns. The biggest issue with this fight is that you've been doing a lot of mindless non-focus fights where you just needed the correct damage type (pierce in this case) to Win-Rate your way to victory. This stage is different in that you have to build a completely different team (tremor ideally), and be mindful of the Middle's general passives where they can get up to 5 Offense Level for getting their team slaughtered, making all of their clashes go up by one or two points. Along with this, the Little Brothers' attacks can debuff your team with Paralyze and Plus-Coin Power Drop, some of the most crippling debuffs in the game for your team outside of very specific IDs.

But you likely already know all of this and have reached the Ricardo part of the stage several times already. Here's the important bits you probably didn't realize.

Don't Kill the Goons

You might have noticed Ricardo gets super buffed when you kill his goons and makes COUPON BLAST™ all the more terrifying. Yeah, the man gets some rather bullshit power-ups if you kill or focus-fire the goons. I understand the though-process of killing the Debuffers and then wailing on Ricardo, but don't. Just beat their clashes and deal with them. The paralyze is crippling, but use a tank for those if you can since tanks (usually) don't do high damage anyway. Plus-Coin Power Drop is annoying, but for units that have big single-coin nukes or use EGO for nukes, this isn't as crippling as Paralyze and is the lesser of two debuffs. Just deal with the goons being there and try and focus most of the damage on Ricardo. The goons have a phase where they both block so you can just focus on Ricardo too, so hold out until then.

Oh, and speaking of tanking debuffs.

Ishmael is Immortal on this Stage

Ish is a mandatory character in this stage and has a sort of quasi-immortality along with a passive called Last-Ditch Struggle. So long as there's at least one surviving Sinner on the team aside from Ishmael herself her won't go below 1 HP. Along with this, she has a unique passive for this stage called Last Ditch Struggle, which gives her additional clash power when at low health. This isn't to say Ish is invincible or anything, but it does give you an edge in the fight. Combined with Snagharpoon's Compulsion passive (the EGO passive, not the debuff on Ish) you can get an additional clashing power about about three, which makes a huge difference against Ricardo's stupid-high numbers. You can use her with something like a fully threadspun Roseate Desire with either Awakening or Corrosion depending on the sanity level and it'll do insane work.

"But Allen, I don't have Rosea-"

Get it. 400 Ishmael shards isn't as big an ask as it was in Canto 2 or 3. You're in endgame now, you should know what you need and should have a few EGO nukes for bosses like this. Roseate Desire or Ryoshu's Blind Obsession. You should have at least one of these by now to survive Ricardo's more devastating attacks aside from COUPON BLAST™. If you really rushed the content this much then just chill out, wait until you've caught to the the season pass to at least give Blind Obsession Ryoshu, and then continue on.

Speaking of endgame content.

Have a Tremor Team

So, you might have noticed during Ricardo's big defense phases he'll have this interesting debuff called "Test of Big Brother", this usually gives him 5 bind next turn, guaranteeing you can safely clash him, along with doubling the damage he takes and increasing the effect of Tremor Burst. And like I said before, this is a fight where you have to reach his second stagger threshold to win. This is phase of the fight is essentially your final warning to get him to that point before COUPON BLAST™ happens and you're team is wiped in two turns.

Not that second part of Tremor Burst's effects behind doubled. It means you can probably get him to stagger by that point if you've got your nukes handy. And surprisingly, a Tremor team isn't a big investment either. Base Ish, Heath, and Meursault all have tremor application, and Ish's base EGO can inflict Tremor Burst at Threadspin 4. And there are several Tremor IDs that are cheap like N Corp Don, LCCB Ish and Rosespanner Meursault. There's are some other good Tremor IDs like Rosespanner Rodion and Molar Outis, but one's a 3-Star and one's a limited 3-Star, so I'd hold off on those unless you wanna' hunt down someone's friend's list.

Oh right, last bit of advice before I sign off on this.

Using the Damn Friend's List

A lot of us forget this is a thing, but there is a Friends/Support function in the game. You can send a request to people who have fully kitted Sinners you'd need for your team to fill in gaps you can't yet. I don't know the effect this had some stuff like EX clear yet, but if you're speed-running to get to the current event then just use the damn support system and build a decent tremor team to get through this. For the next while I'll have Regret Faust on mine to help some folks, but this is for a limited time only until I can go back to how I like to keep my Company listing. You can also just search around until you find someone with the sinner you need.

And... that's about everything I can tell you about 5-30. Even once you get passed this stage there's still about two or three more little road blocks in the way before you can fully completely the Canto, but this was the more frustrating on out of the four so I wanted to go over it a little. Sorry if I sounded harsh here or there, but I really wanna' stress this is an endgame stage and shouldn't be taken lightly. Limbus Company has it's fair share of bullshit but fair and unfair, but this stage is only slightly unfair until you realize the mechanics around it. Then you can do those Base Ishmael solo clears. I won't because that's hard as hell, but it's something.

Anyways, I'll be seeing you folks later.

[everybodyshusband]

self harm talk in this ask as well as some kinda depresing regression stuff

feel free to delete this ask if it makes you uncomfortable in any way, your wellbeing comes first and i want you to know that

one thing i have, i guess struggled with is regressing after sh-ing. the whole mentally smaller mindset really gets freaked out by pain in general but that specifically is really bad. i was wondering if you have any ideas on how rain dew and phantom would react if they were to regress after that?

oooh, this is a topic that i've actually given a lot of thought to, so thank you for inadvertently giving me an excuse to spill my thoughts, lovely anon. i hope things get easier for you soon, love. if you ever need someone to talk to, i'm here <3

i think i could probably split my thoughts about this particular topic into extensive sub-sections (with footnotes upon footnotes of extra information) for each of these three ghouls, but for now, let's just see where the rambling leads us, shall we ?

under the cut. cw for discussions/descriptions of self harm in relation to regressed ghouls, INCLUDING DEWDROP SELF HARMING WHILE REGRESSED.

let's start with phantom (because i don't have as much to say about them, oops).

they're the newest in the pack, and in my personal headcanons, they regress to an infant/very young toddler. there's a number of reasons why they regress and in what ways, but after self harming they never find themselves in a positive regressed headspace. when they regress they're nonverbal, so there's a lot of crying, whining and distressed wiggling when they can't verbalise their thoughts. sometimes calming them down enough to stop their tears is as easy as putting a pretty band-aid on their wounds, kissing over the plaster, and sticking a teether in their mouth. but there are times when even that isn't enough to distract them and they're stuck in their nonverbal distressed state until they return to their non-regressed self.

rain is a little bit different.

rain also regresses for a multitude of reasons, but after self harming, it can be guaranteed that the pain and guilt of the aftermath is the cause of their regressed headspace. when they're little, they're still "big" enough to vocalise their thoughts, even if their usual articulation and well-spoken-ness isn't present. the pack find it much easier to take care of them because rain doesn't usually have any trouble telling them exactly what happened with the right amount of coaxing. they get very freaked out by the pain that comes afterwards because even though their head is a bit fuzzy, they know that they are the cause of their own pain, and they don't like that at all. if they've regressed after self harming, it's common to find them curled up on aether's lap in the common room (in front of the nice, warm fire), hugging them tightly while their cuddle buddy strokes his fingers through their hair as they do their best to calm down.

although, sometimes, if their headspace is bad enough before regressing, that craving for hurt will carry over into their regression. they don't ever do anything about it though apart from curl up even tighter in aether's lap and hug him with more ferocity as they sob and whine into his chest (but perhaps the only reason they haven't self harmed while regressed yet is because they can't quite coordinate their hands to do their bidding).

dewdrop on the other hand... (ohh i've thought about him so much, i'm not sure i can even remember everything i want to say !!)

i like to think that a lot of the time dew regresses is because something in his head pulls the emergency alarm to shut down his brain in whatever way it can. he doesn't necessarily become distressed from the pain that comes after self harming while regressed because a lot of the time, he barely ever reaches that stage without regressing first. his brain recognises his thought processes as dangerous and shuts him down until he's small enough that theoretically he can't do anything about it. but has that ever stopped him ? well... not really.

there are times where he self harms and regresses due to the specific type of pain it brings, and there are times when he self harms and doesn't regress afterwards at all. but in my mind, most of the times he self harms are when he's regressed. yes his brain flicks that switch to keep him safe, but by the time it's been registered in his head that he isn't safe, he's too far down that line of thinking to stop it. of course, when he's regressed, he can't ever self harm to the extent he can when he isn't, which brings around all sorts of feelings of uselessness that, unfortunately, keep the cycle going. it's not that he doesn't get freaked out by the pain simply because he inflicts it on himself when he's regressed though, not at all. something that happens quite often is that dew will regress to a toddler or small child, self harm, and then regress even smaller from the distress it causes him (on some notable occasions, he's even been sent spiralling into a pet regressed headspace rather than an age regressed one in his head's frantic attempt to keep him safe after he's managed some particularly bad self harm (kitty dew, my beloved)). this is partially because he knows he's not supposed to be doing this while he's regressed, he's not supposed to have a craving for self-inflicted pain (he is, quite literally, just a lil guy) but he can't ever find ways to stop himself and it worries him a lot. he gets very scared and lost in his head when he's like this, so the pack have to keep an especially close eye on him and keep him extra safe as much as they can.

aaaaand i think that's about it :0 thank you again for your ask, anon. i'm very happy to be given an excuse to talk about it. if anyone has any questions of a similar vein, please feel free to drop them in my ask box, i could talk about this particular topic for days and not get tired of it :')

[maineshewrote]

I-just-started-s4e4-thoughts:

I can see how Oliver's least offensive robe has had its effect on Mabel's nightclothes style.

I just love the character/relationship development we get to witness, going from Oliver wondering if they have reached a point in their friendship when they can turn up at each others' place in nightclothes to the trio casually starting every other day by recapping their case while still in their nightclothes.

And just as we are told, literally, by the victim that she was not the intended victim (see: Tap in), the investigation is sent in a whole new direction, and lo and behold—we have use for a second murder board. I'm not complaining, let's not minimize Sazz's part in this case.

A moment of appreciation for the score that is always evolving and utterly beautiful and still very much tied to the original tunes of the show.

I feel like the rare blood type is going to be significant at some point. This is the second time I've taken notice of that, and they don't usually do that unless it's important. Sort of feels as wooden as that lighthouse, if you get my drift. If this is about Sazz refusing (or being unable, more likely) to be a blood donor and someone getting revenge on her for someone else dying because of that, it's either going to be heart-breaking or lame or I'm just rambling.

Oh! But how did they find out they had the same blood type? How about a nice traumatic bonding moment flashback when one of them had to save the other by being a blood donor? Now I'm really getting carried away. The fanfiction opportunities are piling.

Ugh, Oliver's obsession with stalking Loretta was bound to happen but it's so bad, please stop. They're obviously head over heels in love, this is just gonna make them unnecessarily fall out. About that menacing arm, I would love it if it turned out to be Dickie, but the man's chin didn't really look like him in the Instagram picture.

It's interesting that the picture they used for Loretta's Instagram is not a picture of her but of Meryl. That is, Meryl's there with her own hair, not her Loretta wig. (Evidence: much shorter hair, no bangs) Did you know Loretta's is the same wig she wore in A Series of Unfortunate Events (where I thought the hair was awesome)?

Why are Howard's sweaters getting progressively worse? I didn't think it could get much worse from the absolutely faceless yellow thing we saw last episode, but this duck is unfurling.

And where's Jonathan? Howard's saying he hates being alone, so what's his boyfriend doing? Is he perhaps going to work like normal working adults, unlike Howard?

Mabel being the guys' keeper in public, while the guys are utterly oblivious to making themselves appear as ridiculous as possible, love it.

BEN! The way I screamed. That is bloody lovely! Of course it's a double but this is so sweet, it's like meeting an old friend again, even though through most of season 3 I didn't even like Ben. (And I mean most of the times I watched that season. I think I only really liked him the last couple of times around.)

The amount of times the trio has had to witness Ben rise from the dead is staggering. Let's make it a running theme, every season a brief Ben come-back. Can I hear a wahoo?

Peak comedy in Oliver's momentary expression of consideration when Glen said that you can't come back from the dead, knowing full well that's just what Ben did.

The irony. Ben being given rat poison and his double seeing rats.

I LOVE that Howard is auditioning with the lines from Oliver's stage dream sequence. Canonically makes no sense (although Oliver could've used the lines in the podcast) but such a pleasure to watch.

New era for the penthouse spotted. Still unsure which decor I liked best, but it's not this one.

Melon is giving people-pleasing Hollywood Cinda Canning. She should meet the real deal.

This unfulfilling relationship that Sazz was trying to get out of better be with Jan. My boy Charles has had to deal with way too much undeserved guilt this season.

The escalation of the horror-movie-like Paradise dream to the absolutely soul-crushing tragic drama of Charles's heavy conscience was both genius and gut-wrenching. There was so much emotional nuance in that little scene, especially in Sazz's light manner of reply, in the meaningful way she portrayed not only Sazz's stubbornly positive attitude towards life but also the heartbreaking tendency in many good people to bottle up their vulnerability behind a positive mask, even and especially when people who love them unintentionally hurt them. I was deeply touched by this scene. All the while my heart is constantly aching for Charles who really doesn't deserve all this guilt. Yes, we have been led to believe he was pretty egoistic and distant in his glory days, but we have to remember that these negative qualities that we've been told about have been exaggerated due to Charles's own insecurity about himself.

No comment on the Oh Hells, nicely wrapped up for now.

It's actually so sweet of Charles to do the funeral, but there was always a chance it was going to be some big unusual stunt.

Well, look how the turntables. Paul Rudd knocking Charles out this time around.

Incredible how Irish Ben Glenroy in a bar fight could move me to tears.

Save me, heart-warming flashback scene.

I said save me, not break my heart all over again!

Sazz saying, "Let's keep this under our hat," because they basically share the same Brazzos hat. But why do these two Brazzoses' police badges have different numbers?

This show just keeps on giving. Aphrodite is back!

Okay, bit dramatic for someone named after a fruit. Not to pour cold water over this entirely unconvincing threat, but Melon's probably just going to laugh this off and have a silly explanation for being there. No clue here, people, let's move on.

But did you notice the music? Seriously more exciting than Melon pointing a gun was the theme playing during her threat, which was the same one that played when the trio found Ben falling in through the elevator ceiling (You Gotta Be F'n Kidding Me). What a lovely last nod to Ben's memory!

Sweet move on the production's part for only mentioning special guest star Paul Rudd at the end of the episode, otherwise the surprise would have been ruined.

[piromantic]

rambling

twitter does suck but now that that place & this place are more cut off than before its weird to still see both sides because it very frequently is the case that context doesnt get translated from one to the other. a twitter post will inspire three days of discussion and when it gets posted here it inspires a week more except the discussion is based on a fundamentally different understanding of the original post and its intent

anyway this is about the miku trend. i think part of the reason that some interpretations on here leave a sour taste in my mouth is that the original explosion of art on twitter that turned it into a trend was fueled by love. love of the artists culture and love of the connections various cultures have with each other, particularly cultures from places that have been through colonization and are generally ignored or looked down upon in mainstream global media

but in translation it just turned into 'draw miku in your local fashion' over here which. i'm not going to tell people they can't participate, but it feels like a lot of recent iterations i've seen don't have that same kind of joy in them. hey guys should i draw a miku even though i hate where i live. hey guys here's 30yo depressed white office worker miku. hey guys here's christian girl autumn miku.

i've seen enough angry and defensive posts to know that people are going to be willfully ignorant about this in the name of letting people have fun, but still its like. you guys aren't even having fun. you're coming into this trend full of ideas that are kinda self deprecating and/or self hating just because you want to participate in the hashtag of the week. it's sad

also why are all of the midwestern mikus white

unfortunately we've reached the final stage of the meme cycle where people are just back to drawing mikus in various mainstream fashion subcultures but the first day of the trend was sweet at least

EDIT because im bad at remembering words: it feels like a lot of recent tumblr iterations frame their art as a punchline. anyway

[bluecatwriter]

Director's Cut for A Pale Orphan these two together are underrated!

Thank you for this! I love Mina and Renfield's relationship, so I'm happy for the chance to ramble about this one.

"A Pale Orphan": "On October 2nd, R.M. Renfield invites Mina Harker to visit him, and realizes that she is on the path to death unless he does something to intervene."

(CW for Christianity)

-As with many of my fics, this one was born out of a desire to expand on a part of the book that's just summarized in canon. After their conversation where Renfield says he hopes to God he will never see her again, he sends for her and they just hang out for a while… and then that night he attacks Mist!Drac in an attempt to save her life. I really wanted to dig into this scene and show a bit of their rapport and his motivation for turning on his master.

-People often point out that Renfield becomes motivated to save Mina because of her kindness, and I did want that to come across somewhat, but I liked exploring the idea of his protective instincts rising to the surface when he sees how alone she is— no one else in the group is protecting her, and Renfield feels the responsibility falling to him. It's a bit patriarchal, but he's also right— Mina can't stop what she can't see, and she does need someone who's outside the situation looking in to intervene.

-I start with him looking out at an oak tree, thinking about all the Life it supports. I was very restrained in not breaking out my geekery about how oak trees support more different kinds of organisms that the other trees in nearly any ecosystem they're part of!

-As I noted in the headnotes, I diverged a bit from canon by having Renfield instantly be able to tell that Mina is being fed upon— it worked better with the flow of the scene in my head. I expanded upon the image of her being transparent, showing how he is able to see how drained she is, even if everyone else can't.

-The mix of angst and sweetness in this fic was interesting to write; Renfield is going through twelve stages of grief while Mina is oblivious to what's going on and just wants to hang out and chat with someone who's not actively shutting her out. 

-Throughout the fic, I tried to show Renfield looking at Mina and constantly thinking, "Baby!" I headcanon her as 20 here, and I know that even I am starting to view 20-year-olds as babies, so I imagine the effect gets much magnified by the time you reach 59.

-I knew I wanted them to discuss literature, and I racked my brain for a novel with suitable themes, before copping out and just using the Bible, since I'm familiar with it and there's a lot of books there with all the themes you could wish for.

-Renfield says his favorite book of the Bible is Ecclesiastes (which just so happens to be my favorite, too— what a coincidence!). ;) Mina's less-than-thrilled reaction is similar to the others in my Bible study who suffered through three months on Ecclesiastes because of my suggestion to cover the book. I thought Renfield would like it for its nihilism, and some of the words from the poetry in it provided a nice echo throughout the story.

-In contrast, Mina chooses the Gospel of John, which reads more like a novel than most parts of the Bible (I've always been fond of the extensive dialogue), and that led naturally into them small-talking about writing and Mina's career, all with Renfield's despair about the whole situation simmering underneath.

-We get a few lines hinting at Renfield's backstory and family situation. (I've been very inspired by imsorryimlate's excellent fic "The Thunder Rattling Your Ground" for some of Renfield's backstory.)

-In this fic I throw in one headcanon for why Renfield and Jonathan don't interact when they're in the same room, showing that Renfield simply doesn't like his Vibes (there might be some envy there, too— Renfield can sense Dracula's fingerprints on him). 

-Mina gets a chance to gush about her cute husband, and then dispense her sage wisdom about marriage. In my headcanon Renfield never married, because he's gay and had no interest in pretending that he could enjoy being married to a woman.

-It was important to me that in this conversation, Mina get a chance to apologize for treating Renfield like an interesting case to be gawked at. Growth!

-Also I like the moment when she tells Renfield he reminds her of Mr. Hawkins because of his kindness and gentleness. This is the moment when he begins to realize he's gonna throw hands with a vampire.

-I had fun describing the various members of the Crew of Light through Renfield's eyes: he's like "BABY [Jonathan], BABY FACE [Quincey], HEAD EMPTY NO THOUGHTS [Arthur], FAILURE [Van Helsing] and ACTUALLY WORST PERSON IN EXISTENCE [Jack]." He's not entirely fair to any of them, but he's not entirely wrong either!

-I love the theme of sunset being a time of dread, and I thought it gave a nice ominous feel.

-Renfield kissing Mina's hand and sending her on her way with God's blessing is one of those things I keep forgetting is canon— it's such a great moment between them, a sign of him doing what he can in the moment even as he steels himself to what he will do later to defend her.

-Renfield is ready to rumble at the end of the fic. The transition from despair/helplessness to rage/gonna-try-anyway-even-if-it's-hopeless was the goal of this fic, and I think it came off pretty well.

-This fic also inspired one of my favorite drawings I've done!

Thanks again for the ask!

(Ask game here)

[trippygalaxy]

I thought about keeping this in a comment but it got too long, So I'm using this instead.

Warning my friend this is rambling and it's very much how I think. You may find that this doesn't work for you.

Wars and Legend being on stage rivals. Both 'singing over' eachother (its planned but doesn't look it to the audience), making faces at eachother when backs are turned and then acting like nothing happened-- both are 'stubborn' and dramatic on stage to make it seem like they have a rivalry going on

I enjoy friendly rivalries, they can be really fun to read. Especially if you balance them right. The main things to consider is how far the joke gets. And how they react offstage afterwards. And, How extra the reactions are.

Say, they have a song that is designed for the voices to alternate between the group as it progresses. Legend and Warriors have a chorus each. Instead of splitting them, they might alternate over the chorus to make it seem like they are battling for top sound.

If I was writing it, here's what it may look like.

For example (For obvious reasons I'm running from very minimal stage information - And I've got it as the only people who dont know about this fake rivalry are the crowd themselves.)

With a flick of his hair. Legend stepped forward, a glint in his eye as he continued the song. His voice now the prominent one over the speakers as the crowd cheered. This was all planned, of course, This part of the song was always his. But the crowd didn't need to know that. Placing a hand to his chest, Warriors raised an eyebrow. Not skipping a beat as he too stepped forward. Walking around Sky to reach the front of the stage where Legend stood, making a point to place a foot in front of him as he overtook the primary vocals once again.

I dont know if that helps but let me run through it.

First, Legend. He's done something small, pushed himself to the centre of attention taking it from warriors and received a reaction.

Warriors reacted, with something again small, then moved up and continued.

Think of it like you hear about friend groups who can mercilessly flame each other but joke about it afterwards. It's kinda like that for this. Or even, siblings! As cliche as it is to think of them as siblings sometimes using brotherly shenanigans does work!

It helps if you've got your own personal example, but if not you can defo find references to a lot of these things around.

Offstage after this could look something like this. (Again no experience with backstage shenanigans but it shows the general idea of how the onstage and off-stage differ.)

"I can't believe you guys have managed to keep that up for so long!" Wind smiled as he took Legends base from him. Placing it a ways off on one of his base stands. "Well, we all know the crowd just eats up a friendly rivalry, right ledge?" He smiled, taking a bottle from twilight before opening it, and downing its contents. "Totally." The basest smiled sending a friendly punch to the singer's shoulder and he stood beside him "But stepping in front of me? The crowd'll be eating that up for weeks." "After the way you flicked your hair at me, it was deserved." He laughed, "If you're not careful they'll start calling you pretty boy!" He flicked his hand towards Legend with a smile plastered across his face. "They already do thank you very much!" Looking around for a small bottle of hand cream, which he applied. Massaging his hands as he leaned against a wall. Thinking for a moment his eyes glanced across the rest of the band. "You want to try something in one of Sky's sets next time?" "In Skyward serenade?" The singer thought about it for a moment before looking over to the man in question. "We'd have to ask him first. It's got a different vibe to it."

That was longer than I thought whoops.

Hopefully, you can see the way it changes. The best way to show a difference in character like this is by highlighting them that feel natural. These two are just bouncing off each other differently onstage vs off stage.

I love writing for Lu mainly because it's just a bunch of siblings and there are loads of different sibling dynamics that you can work with.

I've been trying to think of it in a list and here's what I've come up with just to get down in your head before you start.

What's happening?

real/fake

main dynamic - Siblings, friends ect

individual character dynamics - stubborn vs nice ect.

So with this

Onstage rivalry

fake(l) + fake(w)

siblings

stubborn vs stubborn (So reactions are the same)

It changes if your character dynamics are opposing. If you had said Legend and Sky doing something like this it might be a little more real because Sky might take some of the things being done onstage to be heart.

Where warriors is the one to step in front of Ledge. If Ledge stood in front of Sky, he might get upset.

Does this make sense? I hope so. Cause now im rambling haha

oop it's 1.50am My bad lmao. Worth it tho.

ANYWAY

This was way longer than I intended, but I Hope this helps! :D

Send questions my way if you've got any. I'll clarify if you want it :)

TJANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!!!!!

This is amazingly detailed and very educational!!!! Thank you sosososososo much!!!! I really cant Express how grateful i am!!! You’re amazing major! Thank you again!!

[sleepyowlwrites]

hello, since you oferred advice to the other anon can I get some words of wisdom too? you don't have to, I understand it can be a lot to ask. or maybe just a ear to listen? idk I'mhaving mixed emotions right now because somet things made me realize that even though I like writing, it's only gonna be ever for myself. which isn't a bad thing but I wanted to one day publish something but I find out now that writing is really hard and I don't have the discipline or even much interest it studying how to do it "right" like all the technicalities and stuff. so really I just like the finished product and how it "looks" in my brain more. I do like trying to figure out how to make a story make sense and all the behind the scenes stuff, but I'm rarely able to get to that stage due to being tired and unable to focus/ discipine myself to work.

I was wondering if there was something I could do about it? I mean I guess I need to accept that now when I write it's just gonna be as a hobby and for myself. though, similar to the other anon, I would like to share my writing, I mean I think we all want to share something we make at some point. but I probably have to give up wanting to make any kind of career or even part time thing from writing. I'm just not built for it I guess.

it's hard to accept. I tried developing templates for myself to follow to make it easier but I failed. I've tried many tips and suggestions and advice to write better but I just can't seem to grasp the craft. even reading doesn't help me.

I've thought about writing poetry instead, like you. but even though I like reading it I don't really like writing it much. I prefer to have characterts and drama, typical story stuff. but I struggle when it comes to putting everything together and actually crafting/building the story rather than just tell it.

sorry this got too long, I'm not really sure what I was trying to say, just need to go on a rant. I'm sorry if this was rude of me. thanks for reading if you do and I always like your responses so that's why I reached out, but let me know if I shouldn't do it like this

Had to wait until I got home from work.

So it looks like you understand your situation pretty well, actually, which is great to see.

Writing doesn't have to be a full time thing for you to go the published route. We have several published authors on here who have other jobs! You don't need to devote your whole career to it. It's fine for it to be a hobby and for it to be a hobby that you'd like to pursue a final result in.

If writing is something you enjoy, keep doing it, and if you'd like to progress, you can do it. (You can probably do it. Not everything is achievable for everyone. I will never be able to do advanced math, no matter how hard I try. My brain can't process it. But from what you're saying, your braincan process writing.)

You already know stuff you like or dislike, right? You know the story, just not how to tell it? Here are a few things that have worked for me and my discombobulated brain.

1. Bullet point lists. Just listing off major plot beats in bullet points. It's not an outline, it's not a plan, it's just a list of stuff that happens.

2. Rubber ducking. I pick somebody from something I've watched recently - for a whole there it was Keanu Reeves - and I explain my story to them multiple times so I understand myself how it works. Or not.

3. Draw a map. Not just a land map, but a map of where the characters go and notes on where they're from and what they're doing in each place.

4. Ask games. I make up so much stuff for ask games and some of it even stays canon!

5. Don't try to fit yourself into one mold of one type of writer. Just write whatever. Write one wip or 17. Write short fiction. Write fanfiction. Write one paragraph stories. Write comics with stick figures or rambling prose that goes nowhere.

5. When you read, rewrite it in your head. Edit those books! Pull out a trope you notice and stick it in a story. (A trope is anything as general as "enemies to lovers" and as specific as "traumatized tall girl with a big sword.")

6. Actually rewrite scenes, from any media you like. Choose a new pov. Focus on a particular sense, like touch, or write it in future tense, or change the setting.

7. Write descriptive prose that's not a story. Write something that's only dialogue. Write journal entries. Switch it up.

And sweetheart, if you are unable to focus or enjoy this hobby that is usually a good time for you, I think think the hobby is the issue. There's something else going on in your brain and taking up the space and you don't have room to create.

For instance, I work retail, full-time, and it’s the holiday season, and I'm fatigued and stressed and not currently writing anything. But I was also not writing when it wasn't the holiday season. And I was too fatigued to create then, too. And it's probably because my depression is acting up.

This might not be the case for you. I can't know. But everybody learns differently, and if you're willing to try new ways of learning, you might find the one that works for you! I hope so. I hope that you sit down with your brain and parse through it, taking the time to figure out the style that suits you best.

But mostly I hope you understand that regardless of how your brain functions or doesn't, that you are amazing and trying, because you like this thing, and you don't want to give up on it. So good job. As long as it is a thing that you like, I hope you keep trying. Somewhere there is a method that speaks to you, some way that helps you find the dawn after the dark. I believe you can find it.

Keep going, love.

[just-my-type-x]

hey! please could i request an imagine where the reader is at a concert of the vamps and brad sees her dancing loving life but another guy is there trying to entertain her but she has none of it but brad just gets super jealous?

"Eyes Up Here"

Requested afterwards as a smut

Brad's POV

"I got my shades on, like i'm rocking Barbados"

"Allll niiiight"

"And everybody thinks I'm high", i rock my hips to the music and play the guitar, while the crowd sings along with us. I take a quick look at my girlfriend on the side of the stage, close to the first three rows and i smile at her, winking at her. She smiles and i can tell she blushed.

All of a sudden, the crowds starts dancing and the fans change their seats. I look over at Connor who smiles at me, because of the good mood the fans give us. I watch y/n as she keeps singing along with us, until this guy approaches her. By the looks of it, he apologies for hitting her while dancing. She brushes him away, telling it's all fine. And to be honest, it's hard not to get a bit bruised at concerts. So many people around, dancing, jumping and throwing hands. And elbows. She gives me a reassuring smile and i keep singing.

As the song goes on, the guy tries catching y/n's attention, either by talking to or her by asking her to dance. I keep my eyes pierced on them as I'm getting close to finishing Shades On and I've never been more eager in my life to finish a song.

I leave the fans sing the last words and i take a quick sip of water, before returning to the boy talking to my girlfriend. He rambles something in her ear almost, while her face is straight on mine. Connor gives me a heads up and approaches me to warn me about the same thing.

"I got it, thanks man", i pat him on the shoulder and he nods once, not taking his eyes off them as well. "Hello, you lovely bunch. How are we all feeling tonight?", i pause for them to cheer. "Good good. This section, right here", i motion to my left, where my girlfriend is seated "how are we feeling?", the crowd cheers and he says something again to my girlfriend. She shifts awkwardly in her place and i swallow the lump in my throat. "Hey, mate, you right there, eyes up here, where we are.", i move my fingers from me to him in a I'm watching you manner. He scoffs and i glare my eyes at him. "I'm sorry what was that? You just scoffed?", his smile fades away from his face and a smile appears on y/n. I allow myself to smirk. "Did you not know you aren't allowed to push the conversation farther if she isn't interested? Cause to me, she wasn't interested. Were you?", i ask her and she holds back a laughter while turning to him and shaking her head no. He rolls his eyes. "Maybe you should get farther from her, also, security will help you find a new spot", i say confidently and he leaves on his own, no security needed. The girls cheer and by the look on their faces they feel relieved he left. I exhale relieved and look over to y/n one more time before carrying on with the show.

.

.

.

"You, guys, were amazing!", y/n exclaims as she hugs me tightly in our backstage room. They boys thank her and hug her as well and leave to shower. I start undressing in the room, not feeling like showering at the venue. I sigh and sit down on the couch. "What's wrong, love?"

"Come here", i almost whisper and extend my arm and she gets the idea of coming into my arms. She sits on my lap and i hug her from the side. I kiss her temple and her cheek, reaching her warm lips. "I'm so glad i got that guy out of the venue. I would've jumped in the audience to get him out if needed.", i rest my forehead on her temple and she turns her head around. Her hand holds my cheek and motions me to look at her. Lazy eyes stare into hers and I'm quick to shut her up before she could say anything. I smash my lips on hers, motioning her to sit with both legs on my sides. She's quick to change the position and she takes advantage of my bare torso by roaming her hands all over my chest and abs. I grab the hem of her longsleeve and pull it over her head. I kiss her breasts, nails digging in her back while she pulls at my hair.

"Are you sure you want to keep going here? They can be back in any minute", she asks breathlessly, smashing her lips on mine immediately after

"Mhm", it's all i can manage to say and i take her off me only to get my pants off. She does too and i guide her back on me. I pull her panties to the side and she slowly sinks on my length. "Fuck, y/n, you feel so good", i groan as she takes it all the way. A gasp leaves her lips and i smirk. I grab her ass and help her move up and down on me, while she adjusts to the size and to the movement. "You're taking me so well", i whisper in her ear while she moves on top of me. I bring our bodies closer, feeling her clit brush on my pelvis and helping her create more friction. Y/N moans and digs her nails into my shoulders, while my hands take control over her. I steady her and get lower under her. I start thrusting upwards, hitting all the right spots. Both of us try to control and muffle our moans, while i keep thrusting harder amd harder. She starts moving too, meeting my actions halfway, creating more pleasure and need for release.

I feel myself getting closer and i keep tightening my grip on her waist, pushing her on my length. Her walls tighten around me and a moan escapes my lips when i see her throw her head back in pleasure.

"Don't stop", she whispers and i keep sliding in and out of her, her wetness on my pelvis and dripping down her inner thighs. She grabs the back of the couch and leans forward, giving me access to kissing and licking her breasts. I bite gently on her nipples and she let's out a moany chuckle. I pull out and move behind her. She gets on her knees on the couch, ass out and I'm standing, behind her. I re-enter her and i thrust in and out of her fast, one hand playing with her clit.

"Ugh, this is so good, love, fuck, this feels so good", i whisper and hold her by her waist again, bruises already forming because of the tight grip

"Fuck, Bradley, I'm gonna cum", she tightens her walls around me, knees shaky and muffled moans filling up the room. I groan and thrust harder into her, until i can reach no farther. She cums undone on my member and i follow her quickly with a grunt. I thrust a few more times to ride our highs, pulling out gently so i wouldn't stain the couch.

We get dressed fast and the boys join us moments after. I take my backpack off the floor and intertwine my fingers with y/n's, giving her a kiss on the forehead, leaving the venue.