#I've never really shared my stance on the matter

[notsobravetoaster]

Toxic yaoi WanderRose

And we hit the jackpot

Now, this is pretty much before all that half-brothers' half-comfirmation as I won't hide that I very much enjoyed (and still do but only to an extent) this ship. So don't be weird, guys.

[st0ryf1lms]

home, that's a weird word ➳ ken sato

pairing: ken sato x reader

word count: 1.5k

genre/warnings: angst, hurt/comfort, undertones of xenophobia, basically how i interpreted the last thing kenji said to ami on their first interview, grammatical errors (most likely), no beta we die like men, personal assistant!reader

synopsis: the word "home" always left a weird taste in kenji's tongue when he said it.

a/n: AAAAAAAA I'VE FINALLY WRITTEN A THOUSAND WORD FIC AFTER 2 YEARS IM SO HAPPY!!! and i'm really hoping u guys like this bc i really am so proud of this sooo enjoyyy!!

It had been a long day, as far as Kenji is concerned. Way too long for his liking. All the cameras and microphones pointed at his direction, all those flashing lights-- a man could only take a few for so long, and Kenji has had enough of his share for the day. As he gets off his bike, all he can think of is the comfort of his own bed, how his pillow would feel against his head and how the duvets would feel covering his skin.

He opened the door to his house, surprised to see you sitting on the couch with the living room lights turned off. Your back was facing him, and with your laptop's glaring LED screen being the only source of light in the room, all he could see was your crouched silhouette.

"Already settling down, huh, Y/N?" He spoke, breaking the silence in the room. "Oh, Mr. Sato, you're home," you say unfazed, as if the only thing that was powering you right now was your laptop's battery. "Just wanted to stay for a while to catch you so I can brief you for your schedule tomorrow." You stated, closing your laptop and standing up to turn on the lights on the dim setting. Kenji sighed and closed his eyes as he plopped down on the couch in front of you, serving as a signal for you to start.

"Okay, so, first thing in the morning, Mr. Sato, you have baseball practice which Coach Shimura insists you attend, an interview scheduled…" Your voice becomes buzzing in his head as he looks out the window, a view overlooking the city. The sound of laughter and joy drifting out from the street below, making him feel very alone in this somewhat new town. "…Sato. Mr. Sato. Are you even listening to a word I say?" You say exasperatedly, not sure if your asshat of a boss actually understands that you came from a 12-hour flight, too, and want nothing to be in the comfort of a nice and comfortable bed. You follow where his gaze is at, looking out the window where the busy streets of Tokyo are hustling and bustling as the nightlife slowly rises. You look back at your boss, sporting a solemn yet longing look on his face- earning a tilt of confusion from your head.

"Can I ask you a question, Y/N? Off the record, please." He asks, eyes remaining trained on the window. "Have you ever felt like you've never belonged? Like, no matter where you go, no matter who you are, you'll never find yourself home?" He finally looks at you, noticing your once tense figure now replaced with a relaxed yet calculating stance, figuring out what to say to him. The silence feels like forever as he awaits an answer from you, Kenji letting out a sigh as he hangs his head down low.

"Ever since I had moved to LA, I lost all sense of the word 'home.' Hah, even saying it right now leaves a weird taste in my tongue. All those kids back there, they always told me to 'go back home,' and when I did go back to the house where my mom and I lived, she'd always tell me that we were right at home. Now that I'm actually back in my 'homeland', it feels so weird to even call it that now." He blurted out, his previously relaxed figure on the couch is now one of a crouched one, his head still glued facing down on the floor. "In LA, I felt too Japanese to fit in. The culture shock hitting me every single time I try to do something I was used to. Now, here in Japan, I feel too American now to even call myself a local. Even speaking in my own tongue feels weird to my mouth and my throat."

He finally looked up at you and saw a blank yet somehow shocked expression adorning your face. His eyes slightly widened and his breath hitched in his throat as he quickly realized the gravity of his words and who he was speaking to about a sensitive topic. You, on the other hand, was internally slack-jawed. What the helllll, is this really happening???? You rhetorically think to yourself as your boss, The Ken Sato, the egotistical baseball superstar, literally just spilled his guts in front of you, his personal assistant whom he keeps at an arm's length.

"I- I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-" he stuttered as he racked his brain, trying to make up an excuse for what he said. You still stayed silent and eerily still. "A–are you still there? Hello? Earth to Y/N?" He asked, cautiously waving a hand.

"Yes," you cleared your throat, "yes, Kenji." You say, his contorted face relaxing as he hears his name slip your mouth. You clear your throat once again before starting.

"You know, if I may, I'd like to believe that home is a construct you make and that a place doesn't really define it. Sure, in kindergarten, we get taught that the definition of home is a place where you live in but as we get older, don't some things actually change? And I'd like to say that the word 'home' is one of those things. As a child, we would say home is where our parents live. As teenagers, we'd say home is with our friends as we laugh and joke with them on various different occasions of our lives at school. As adults, I believe we can be left to define 'home' what we fit it deem to our liking. After all, home is where the heart is, am I right?" You ramble on, pacing around the living room as you animatedly explain with your hands as Kenji follows your every move.

Realizing your mouth once again moved with a mind of its own, you straightened up and cleared your throat. "Ahem, sir. Right, well, I better get going. Long day tomorrow." You nervously chuckled, refusing to look your boss whose privacy you've seem to have invaded as you spoke without filter. You tentatively grab your things and slowly head to the front door, feeling your boss' eyes on you follow your every move as if saying you've overstayed your welcome.

As Kenji trains your every movement, he realizes what you're about to do and stands up abruptly from his place in the couch.

"Y/N, wait."

Your hand hovers above the door handle, eyes closed as you brace for the impact of what your boss is about to say. Please don't fire me, please don't fire me, please do-

"Do you mind if you stay the night?" He says and your head snaps back to look at him, as if he'd grown another head.

I- I mean, not like that, b- but, well… Well, you know what I mean." He sheepishly clarifies, his hand bringing up to scratch the nape of his neck. The silence is awkward and deafening, and he was about to open his mouth to take back what he said but you beat him to it.

"Sure. I'll stay the night, Mr. Sato." You face him with a soft smile.

"Please, Y/N, Kenji's fine."

He leads you to the spare bedroom he has in the house and asks Mina to deliver a fresh set of clothes where you'll stay.

"I just want to say thank you, Y/N. I know I don’t say it enough and I'm sorry for that. I appreciate everything you do." He sincerely told you, looking into your eyes with nothing but pure admiration and gratefulness. "It's all in the job, sir." You say before realizing, wincing as the honorific accidentally leaves your mouth. You open the bedroom door before saying,

"Good night, Kenji."

"Good night, Y/N."

BONUS:

Kenji wakes up to the noise of cooking downstairs, with a pair of voices talking back and forth. He rubs his eyes free of sleep and lifts the duvets off of him, getting up from his bed and out of his room.

The voices become clearer as he goes down the stairs on the way to the kitchen, where he makes out your voice and Mina's, seeming to be guiding you as you follow a recipe she reads out. "Y/N, he's awake." Mina alerts you as you turn to face him.

"Oh, good morning, Mr. Sato. I hope you don’t mind, Mina told me you barely use the kitchen anyway." You nervously chuckle as you focus your attention back on the stove. "Please, Y/N, what did I tell you?" He visibly cranks up at the mention of his last name early in the morning.

"Right, Kenji, I mean." You quickly recall, still stirring the pot. "That smells amazing, what's that?" He says as he walks over you, looking over your shoulder.

"I know it isn't really for breakfast but Mina told me how it was your favorite, so I made curry. Or, at least, attempted to make it." You explain cautiously, slowly looking over to your boss who's currently sporting a look of surprise.

"M-may I?" He gestures to the spoon. You nod and hand it to him, scooting over to give him a taste. His eyes close and you start to feel anxious, building up an excuse in your head to tell him.

"Tastes just like home."

[screamsilas]

@ii-neg-confessions is really stupid

IMPORTANT UPDATE!; @II-NEG-CONFESSIONS IS BANNED (on tumblr)!! ALL CAN REJOICE!!!!!

@ii-neg-confessions is kind of what it sounds like, a blog about inanimate insanity to spread hate and negativity and I feel like people shouldn't be so open to absorbing hate all the time

I wrote a better worded version on my phone but the drafts thing apparently doesn't work so take this kind of lazy one instead cause I don't really wanna spend any more of my time on this earth trashing an admin on a confessions blog who most should know is just a negative nancy hater who needs to get off they damn phone

time to "see through the bullshit" and "simply call out this bullshit" instead of "mindlessly consuming slop and following the herd"! /quoting their blog

also if you are gonna say "ohh don't give them them attention that's what they want" hold that thought cause this post isn't FOR them, its to educate ABOUT them and show people they're stupid. Its your choice if you wanna block them. Also, this is my space to criticize whatever I want, block whoever I want, etc. so I'm gonna post this rant here and let people act under their discretion.

anyways more under the cut

update on 12/09/24; rephrased/added context to some stuff in the Adam Katz segment.

update on 12/09/24; added a funny thing at the very end of the post.

update on 12/10/24; removed Adam Katz segment for correcting and editing.

[removed temporarily]

This is one of those things that when I read it I audibly said " are you fucking serious" cause truthfully I don't think they are being serious here.

To make fun of people that are POSITIVE? you actually must be absolutely MISERABLE to make a whole word to try and describe people who are positive in a negative light. I don't have much else to say here other than they must be genuinely sad with their life to do this.

small bomb break just to preface something

I'm not gonna go into their blog and criticize every word they have ever said, because I simply don't want to, but feel free to add onto this in the comments or re-blogs, cause I think its important to acknowledge this person and see them for who they are... and act accordingly of course.

anywayyy...

death threats (I'm gonna talk about that)

I've seen a lot of the OSC unanimously say that Mil has sent death threats to the II crew which I believe is true considering their overwhelmingly negative behavior and opinions towards most people who like ii/the crew themselves. I wanna of course start by saying that (as obvious as it should be) DEATH THREATS ARE NEVER OKAY! In some places in the world, even online they can be ILLEGAL!!! Its never okay to tell someone that you are gonna kill them, or that they should kill themselves, no matter how bad you think their YouTube show is, or how true you think your preconceived notions about peoples life or political stances are, death threats of any sort? NEVER OKAY! The fact that they went out of their way and spent that time (and most of their time) blatantly hating on this thing that was never about or for them is really disgusting.

Some more stuff I wanna say (in bullet point form!)

I never will say that I don't think its okay to have negative opinions or state said opinions, but from what I can see from this entire blog, its more than that. Its more than sharing criticism, its spreading hate about something a lot of people hold dear to them for no other reason then the fact that you hold hate in your heart

I'm pretty aware that Mil has some issues, whether that be relationship, familial... its none of my business. If she's reading this, just know there are people who can help, help is always available to you.

for a blog that's all for "seeing the truth" you really love to delete everything you don't agree with (even if its negative)

using art and not taking it down even after asked to is really rude, everyone should know that.. well except for Mil, who still has the post up

people calling everything that is appealing to the audience "fanservice" is so stupid is that the only word you know? do you only know how to use buzzer words to catch your audience instead of giving genuine points?

I was gonna say some more but I got distracted, and also I'm already sick of their shit so

okay bye bye!

p.s. ; a hefty handful of screenshots I didn't wanna write a whole paragraph saying they're shit to

this one is just sad to read like who hurt you

blatantly threatening a hack against AE's channel (also illegal)

shit like this makes me believe that this account is ragebait

more "posies" talk (makes me giggle)

looking pretty defensive to me (definitely a dream stan)

self indulgent insert but uh maybe its cause cobs is in the show hmm idk maybe though

death threats arent okay even if mil sent them to others (it will only repeat the cycle)

this is just funny to me, the ii crew has gone back and deleted scenes that aren't good, they have said they were young at the time and they are growing and changing people and apologized for what they did, what else do you want? do you want them to beg for forgiveness at your shoes?? you're fucking weird.

""digital footprint" isn't real" says a lot

what do you mean?? they're hating WITH YOU!!!! just because they can see good in the show doesn't mean they're corny! full post here

maybe because the songs are... musical inspired... maybe you just hate fun... (they literally say they do what am I talking about)

hating for no reason again (and ignoring everything anon said except for the thing that caught their eye; hatred)

okay I'm done, Mil is exhausting, @ii-neg-confessions is exhausting, I'm forever a "posie" I guess

if you read this far also... hi! thank you for reading all of this and educating yourself! remember that despite their hatred, there's still lots of love and care in this world and you deserve the most of it! please get some water and a snack, and have a wonderful day!! <3

okay that's my rant bye

p.s.

stop following me, mil

[thef1diary]

I absolutely love your writing!!!

Are you able to write something where reader is in a relationship with Max or Carlos or Lando. They sometimes playfight and yn usually wins. But one day the driver has to go somewhere else and uses his real strength to stop playing. And yn is shocked that he used to just pretend. Slightly angsty but mostly fluff.

Only if you can please :)

Playfight | M. Verstappen

warnings: slight angst, mainly fluffy

wc: 800+

masterlist

© thef1diary 2024. all rights reserved. Do not copy, steal, translate, or repost any of my work

You and Max have always been close. Long before you started dating, you were best friends, partners in crime, and each other's confidants. Your days were filled with inside jokes, playful banter, and those moments of playfighting that always left you breathless with laughter. You loved the way Max engages in these little tussles, seemingly evenly matched, making it all the more thrilling.

Today was one of those days. The afternoon sun streamed through the windows of your apartment, casting a warm, golden glow across the living room. Lounging on the couch, you and Max are scrolling through your phones and sharing random memes when the playful urge strikes you.

You nudge Max with your foot, a mischievous grin spreading across your face. "Bet I can take you down in under a minute."

He looks up, eyebrows raised, and chuckles. "Oh, really? Is that a challenge?"

You nod, laughing as you leap off the couch and adopt a mock fighting stance. Max follows suit, rising to his feet with a grin that mirrors yours. He's always game for a little fun, no matter how ridiculous.

You start your usual routine of playful attacks, knowing exactly how to make him laugh and stumble. But today, Max seemed a little distracted, glancing at his watch every few seconds. You notice but choose to ignore it, too caught up in the moment to let it break your stride.

"Alright, alright, you win," he says, attempting to end the fight quickly.

But you're not ready to let him off the hook. "Oh no, you don't get off that easy!" you tease, lunging at him again.

"Seriously, schat, I've got—" he starts, but you cut him off with a lighthearted shove.

"Come on, baby, fight back!" you urge, laughing as you goad him into continuing.

He sighs, clearly reluctant. "I really don't have time for this right now," he says, but you're too lost in the moment to listen.

You push him again, harder this time, and his expression changes. Without warning, Max grabs your wrists, twists you around, and gently but firmly pins you face-first to the couch. The sudden display of strength leaves you stunned, your breath catching in your throat.

"There, I win," he mumbles into your ear, before releasing you as he noted the time on his watch.

You lie there for a moment, processing what just happened. Slowly, you push yourself up and turn to face him, your mind racing. "Max... what was that?" you ask, unable to mask the shock in your voice.

He rubs the back of his neck, looking slightly guilty. "I'm sorry. I really have to go. I didn't mean to—"

"You've always let me win, haven't you?" you interrupt, the realization hitting you hard.

Max sighs, his shoulders slumping. "Yeah," he admits softly. "I didn't want to ruin the fun."

You sit up fully, the playful mood evaporated, replaced by a mixture of surprise and a sting of hurt. "Why?"

He shrugs, avoiding your gaze. "I liked seeing you happy. It was never about winning or losing for me."

Your heart clenches, a lump forming in your throat as you process his words. "You've been holding back this whole time," you say, more to yourself than to him.

He nods, finally meeting your eyes. "I didn't want you to feel... I don't know, like you couldn't beat me. It was more important to me that you had fun."

You reach out, taking his hand in yours, squeezing it gently. "You're too sweet for your own good, you know that?"

He chuckles softly, squeezing your hand in return, but the tension between you remains. "I try, and I'm sorry for rushing off like this. I'll make it up to you, I promise."

You shook your head, preventing a smile from forming on your lips as you thought of an idea. "No, don't make it up to me, we'll just have to rematch."

He quirked up an eyebrow, amusement dancing in his eyes. "Are you sure you want to do that again?"

A grin breaks through despite your best efforts to remain serious. "Absolutely. But this time, let's make it more interesting. How about we use Nerf guns or water guns, you name it. Let's see who really comes out on top."

Max laughs, the sound easing the last of the tension between you. "Now that sounds like a challenge I can't refuse. But remember, you asked for it."

You nod, feeling a thrill of excitement. "It's on, baby. Next time, no holding back."

He presses a kiss to your forehead, still smiling as he heads for the door. "I'll be ready. Just don't be too disappointed when you lose."

With a smile, you settle back, imagining the thrill of the next fight. It won't just be about winning or losing—it will be about showing Max that you're ready to match his strength, playfulness, and love, shot for shot.

Taglist: @nikfigueiredo @wonnou @jointhehunt67 @helenemandl6 @charlesleclercsonlywife @dreamingonbed @heylookwhoitis @67-angelofthelordme-67 @lochnoch @llando4norris @monsieurbacteria6 @namgification @lilymurphy03 @sargeantdumbass @hiireadstuff @racingheartsposts @d3kstar @xjval @namjoonswaifu @isabellewinchester @thedecalcomania-blog @casperlikej @khaylin27 @mlioravanfleet @mehrmonga @tellybearryyyy @wobblymug @bokutos-babyowl

[velvees-archive]

Some post-SOJ DLC case thoughts about Edgeworth, his opinion on marriage, and by extension, love.

…and how, at the very center of this discussion is one Phoenix Wright.

Contains spoilers from 3-5, 6-5 and 6-DLC

As if the subtext wasn’t enough.

I wanted to share some thoughts about the DLC case and Edgeworth's insistence on remaining unwed, which, from what I've seen, is a commonly employed gotcha moment against NaruMitsu (because all relationships must end in marriage, right? /lh). Don’t get me wrong, I don’t really mind. I just…didn’t find the dialogue exchange very damning.

Coming off 6-5, where Edgeworth says this,

I saw the DLC as an extension of Edgeworth's sentimentality, this time directed at Phoenix’s romantic prospects.

To make my stance clear, I don’t think Edgeworth is blind to romantic overtures; he just doesn’t care about them very much. As in, Edgeworth is largely unaffected by and uninterested in matters of the heart (with a concession that he is obtuse when it comes to people expressing interest in him, unless they're Wendy Oldbag over the top about it). But even if you feel he's terrible at sensing romantic tension, my argument still stands. Edgeworth doesn’t care about romance, and we never really see him prying into anyone’s romantic relationships…

…with the exception to this being Phoenix Wright’s.

From Bridge to the Turnabout:

Sorry for the janky screenshots. I didn't didn't take 3-5 pics on my Switch so I had to search for YouTube clips. Let the record show I actually really enjoy Feenris PLUS I love angst, so this interaction was…chef’s kiss.

Assuming Edgeworth doesn't care about romance but he can understand romantic signaling, this is already pretty condemning. Why are you poking around Phoenix's business if you're so uninterested in love? Surely, there are bigger fish to fry, like investigating the Inner Temple Garden because the clues found could be vital to catching the victim's murderer?

Assuming Edgeworth sucks at detecting any romantic undertones, the implications are even worse. You're telling me the guy who doesn't know the first thing about romance somehow clocked Phoenix and Iris's chemistry this quickly? How? For what reason were you able to catch it? How attuned are you to Phoenix's personal affairs?

Now, shifting back to the DLC case, we have this lovely interaction when you show Miles the wedding chapel pamphlet:

Something to note with Phoenix’s “W-Wait. You’re not thinking about finally settling down and getting married, are you?” is that the screen flashes and we hear the damage sound after the “W-Wait."

Once again, Miles inquires about Phoenix's love life, this time after Phoenix asks about his. I've analyzed my fair share of Miles Edgeworth dialogue, and I don't think he pingpongs questions just to make conversation (see: “Say something, Wright. I’m not good at small talk.”). This leads me to believe he was genuinely curious and (subtly) trying to fish for information. And why would that be the case?

My overarching point is this: Edgeworth isn’t as obtuse about romance as everyone makes him out to be (both in-universe and from a fandom perspective), which makes his mentioning marriage plans around Phoenix even more suspicious. The way the scene reads to me is that Edgeworth, in Phoenix’s company and swept away by the intimate atmosphere, lets his interest in Phoenix Wright slip through the cracks once Phoenix shows him the pamphlet. It's sentimental of him and it surfaces—once again—while he's investigating a case. At risk of sounding repetitive, there are bigger fish to fry.

It'd be less suspicious if Phoenix had similar conversations with other cast members he shows the pamphlet to, but it never gets to be this personal, even when he presents it to Maya, his best friend.

Good news if you feel otherwise about my “Edgeworth isn’t that obtuse” headcanon though, because should you believe he is actually just that clueless, you now have to contend with this:

If Miles can’t pick up on all things love, why is he so attuned to Wright’s (and to my knowledge, only Wright’s) romantic prospects in particular?

So yeah. Checkmate, I guess. Edgeworth might not be interested in marriage or love, but he’s definitely interested in Phoenix’s partners, or lack thereof. Take that how you will.

[plurapony]

I'll admit I've spent a lot of time in syscourse arguing about mundane things that... don't really matter in the real world..

But yesterday interacting with some older family members the realization slapped me in the face of how niche these debates are. How most people aren't part of the "endo" vs "traumagenic" and instead just lump all plurality as schizophrenic and as something that needs to be fixed. I had a family member ask me over and over why I wasn't able to make it go away with medicine.

To put it plainly, the normalization of disordered and non-disordered plurality alike would be beneficial to everyone! I have trauma and my experiences result from trauma, but those experiences are incredibly personal and are not something I want to be sharing with every person I meet. I just want me and my parts to be respected and yet I'm always stuck in the cycle of justifying my plurality by my trauma.

I want to live the reality where my system's plurality is accepted and respected without questions. Stories about what I went through as a child, how my recovery is going, all the negative parts about my plurality - these are things I want kept private amongst trusted people in my life and they shouldn't be necessary for me to disclose in order for my plurality to be respected.

Regardless of what your syscourse stance is, we can all agree that we want respect and we wanted to be treated with kindness. And whilst we may be educated on the issues we face, the older generations live in an entirely different world and that education we see on a daily basis will basically never reach them. Sometimes there's a mutual benefit in alliances!

[many-but-one]

So, our system spent a looooong fucking time trying to reblog a post by someone that goes by @system-junk-spam but after typing it out it became unrebloggable, and then upon restarting the app we found that either they spontaneously deleted their blog or they somehow blocked us while we were typing something up, despite us having never interacted with them before. That, or tumblr mobile just straight up sucks. Highly probable.

Anyway, we worked really hard on the post and still want to share our thoughts, so we’re gonna put them here. We may get eaten alive for this take, but we’ve learned to not care what others think of us. We are allowed to believe things differently than our followers do and that’s okay. Hate will not be tolerated on this post. If I see it, you are blocked.

This is our theories on how endogenic plurality can possibly exist. We’ve talked about this before but not in great detail. We are literally just gonna copy-paste our response because oh my god it took so long to type out and then transfer to our notes app because the tumblr app was messing up. To TLDR the OP’s post, they were asking for genuine examples of endogenic plurality that wasn’t just someone actually having a CDD and thinking they are endo.

—

So, for starters, I used to be anti-endo. Kind of a dick about it to be honest, but not overly hateful towards endos. I have a post explaining that situation, where I also came forward with explaining that when I was a teen I thought I was an endo because I didn't have trauma—except I did, I just didn't know it yet. I also used to do roleplay—though not as a system, for the record. I just had characters I made that I later realized were heavily based on real alters in my brain and it was that alter's way of expressing themselves before they could be known by the host part at the time. So to say I understand where you are coming from, I understand where you are coming from. I have been that person. I went hard anti-endo at first, but slowly as I've begun healing and deciding "I don't really care what people do in their lives and it's not up to me to police that" I have become what I consider "syscourse neutral" but "fine with endos, I just don't interact with the community much because I'm not endo." Mainly with the feeling of "live and let live" and "they're people deserving of respect too" driving that stance.

I start with all of that preamble because at the end of the day, whether endos "really exist" or not just…doesn't matter. They're not actually taking our resources, they're not seeking out DID specialists because most of them know they don't have DID, and the whole narrative of them "making a mockery of the disorder" is pandering to fake claimers, who are the ones who point and laugh at the disorder whether you are endo or not. Endos are not the enemies of DID systems here, fake claimers are. And whether endos exist or not, fake claimers will still fake claim people with DID no matter what.

If you make this post with the concern that people who say they are endo may actually have a CDD and that can be damaging to their healing long term (it was for me personally) or they may take longer to realize they have a CDD (happened to me), the thing is, they will eventually discover that they have a CDD if that's what they really have. You have all of these examples of people realizing they actually had a CDD because those people eventually realized that's what they had. No matter what, at some point in someone's life, if they have a CDD and the right support, they will eventually realize they have a CDD—even if they initially think they are endogenic.

To go on a personal tangent, it was actually a very good thing that I thought I was endo for so long and got completely alienated from the entire CDD community because if I had discovered I had a CDD at the time, that could have had catastrophic consequences to my safety. When I finally started questioning the system thing again my first year of college, I not only nearly ended my life multiple times (other parts attempting), but I also ended up returning to my abusers and getting hurt again (callback programming, l'm a RAMCOA system). If I had discovered that as a teen? It could have been much worse than it was when I was an adult. I could have been retrafficked if I went back, rather than just reprogrammed and sent on my way, because I was still young enough to be “good product” as a teen, but as an adult they weren’t interested in my “service” anymore, they were more interested in making sure I remained programmed so I wouldn’t report them and they wouldn’t get in trouble. (Joke’s on them, I’m reporting them to the FBI. Suckers.)

My system finally allowed itself to be discovered in my final year of college because I was a mere month away from moving out with my then-fiancée at the time, who we believed could keep us safe should we display harmful behaviors. And we were right, even if she did end up being an abusive POS later. However, I still found out I was a CDD system and did get the help I needed. And even if the situation is not quite as dire for others, if someone who has a CDD believes they are endo, chances are, the system wants that for the time being. And who are we to try to disprove that endos exist just so people will be more accepting of themselves having a CDD? You said it yourself, that people knowing before they are ready can be damaging, so it's really not such a big deal whether or not endos are "real" if that's a way for a system to exist without having to hide while also still kind of "hiding" in a way.

HOWEVER! Now that I have become more open to the concept of endogenic plurality, I have put a lot of thought into "what if it really does exist? How would that happen??" Because gosh, how brains work is exceptionally cool, and if there is a way for endos to be real, that's pretty fucking neat.

So, for the record, I am not endo and I am not fully in their circles nor do I know much about origins whatsoever, so if anyone wants to chime in their thoughts or correct me on something, please do! For this next part, I'm calling endo alters/headmates "parts" just to keep the vocab streamlined and succinct.

Some common themes I notice in endos (for the most part):

They have basically no amnesia between parts

Some can create parts at-will, while others feel like they can't just create parts at will, but their parts just kind of exist

They usually can switch at-will or control switching to some degree or even completely

Some folks usually have some kind of trauma, but that's not saying much because all humans have trauma to some degree or another. Something I've noticed, though, is that this trauma is usually not in early childhood, but in later childhood, teen years, or adult years. (Please know this is not indicative of everyone, just what l've noticed in endos l've spoken to, don't come at me if your situation looks different please!)

All of these aspects come into play for my “theories” on how endogenic plurality can exist. For the record, my “theories” are more like…my own ponderings on the subject rather than something that should be taken as fact. Only endos can decide how they exist, not me.

So initially, my main theory with endos (which l've spoken about once, a while ago) is that it is "IFS on steroids."

IFS functions with the belief that all people have parts, and that to create cohesion in everyday life means finding ways to communicate between these parts and reach healing conclusions between them. Kinda like DID treatment except these parts don't have the "becoming autonomous and elaborating" part of DID. This is often seen in therapy related to addressing your "inner child" or "inner teen" but this can also apply to "the part of me that hates my dad" and "the part of me that wants him to love me." Remember, this is a singlet we are talking about, here! Singlets can also have conflicting and contradictory feelings about their family members. Having a "conversation" between these two parts might look like one of them stating all the reasons why it's better to cut him off because he always causes harm, while the other side may explain all the reasons why they want to keep him around. Weighing these "pros and cons" in this sort of scripted conversation between these two "parts" can help singlets come to an agreement between these two contradictory feelings and find a solution that is best for that singlet "as a whole."

However, what if someone who has parts of self like any singlet does finds a different way to converse with their parts? Or maybe not just converse, but imagine them? Consider that their "responsible self who is good at keeping on track" is the self that they kind of "dial into" at school or work, so that they stay on task—so then later, the part of themselves that prefers to goof off and have fun can have more time to do that. (These may be labeled as a “school/work self” and “home self” by singlets)

Maybe that responsible side of themselves feels like a guy whose name is probably like, Richard. And he's a boring, middle aged, office worker looking dude. And that fun and goofy version of themselves that would rather ignore homework feels like a teen named something funky like Rainbow. Well, the side of themselves that's responsible (Richard) is probably gonna get into a lot of arguments with the fun-loving side of themselves (Rainbow), which can look and feel like an internal debate or struggle of "well I can totally skip this assignment because I have a good grade and my show's season just dropped and I don't wanna fall behind while my friends are caught up" being answered with "um, no, if I don't stay on top of things, I'm gonna fall behind on my schoolwork, which is WAY more important than my show"

See how that can feel a bit like CDD but not actually be a CDD?

These endogenic IFS parts of self might even become slightly more autonomous (or seem slightly more autonomous) than a normal singlet's IFS parts over time, especially if having these internal conversations are a major coping skill during stressful times. These "stressful times" can literally just be "being a teenager" because holy shit being a teenager is stressful!! Does this mean every teen who is an endo in this sort of “IFS way” will grow out of it? No! If this is a positive coping mechanism that doesn't cause harm, they may still have these parts of self well into adulthood or even their whole life. Because guess what? Being an adult is also stressful as hell. It would make sense that these parts would follow them into adulthood.

They may even have traumas they have to address in therapy that these parts of self can help them address. This doesn't mean that trauma is held within a singular part to keep the others safe from the knowledge of said trauma like a CDD system, (even if that trauma is repressed—because even people who are traumatized as adults and non-systems can have repressed trauma) because most likely, all parts of self in this IFS situation are probably either totally aware (if it is not repressed) or totally unaware (if the trauma is repressed) and when it comes time to address said traumas, the parts (while maybe not quite as fully autonomous with completely separate experiences and memories like a CDD system) can still likely be quite elaborate and be very helpful when processing these traumas or negative experiences. Brains are cool! Brains are weird! They do weird stuff to cope with shit! I totally think it's plausible for someone's IFS parts to elaborate to some degree if it helps that person cope with life, even if they don't realize it's IFS or a singlet's version of plurality at all.

Does this mean they would technically be a singlet since they don't have a “genuinely” fragmented consciousness? Maybe?? Who are we to say, you know? If they feel like they are plural even if their consciousness is not fragmented in the same way a CDD system's would be, why not let them say they are plural? They are experiencing some kind of plurality, just completely differently than someone with a CDD-related fragmented consciousness would. Which is kinda neat, if you ask me.

I recently saw a tiktoker who explained they were misdiagnosed with DID, that they'd been re-evaluated by MULTIPLE CDD specialists and been told they do not have DID, but they have some kind of parts influenced by them being schizoaffective. They genuinely have parts of self that feel like they kind of "step in" to handle certain things, with names and appearances to boot, AND this person is very dissociative based on their scores on dissociative scales— which is why they were misdiagnosed by a trauma specialist (not a CDD specialist) in the first place. Their parts are coping skills based on their delusions. Does that make their parts any less real to that person? No, they still exist and they have for a long time, but they are not dissociative parts like in DID. They have some kind of parts that get them through daily life even though they do not have a dissociative disorder. How cool is that!!! They don't cause harm, so they're not something that has to be done away with or anything. This person can just BE schizoaffective with parts. And the therapists are cool with it. Go figure.

I haven’t even gotten to the part where someone with BPD can have schema modes that are kinda like parts. Not to mention that just because people with CPTSD and PTSD may not have fully autonomous ANPs and EPs like people with CDDs do doesn't mean that the person with BPD/CPTSD/PTSD may not try to “purposely” (or accidentally) semi-elaborate those parts by assigning names or identities to help them cope.

For example, if someone has an explosion of anger due to a trigger and that non-autonomous EP is responsible for it, they may associate that non-autonomous EP's anger with someone like, I dunno, Bakugo from MHA. (I know nothing about this anime I just know this is an angry guy don't come for me please lol) So every time this person gets triggered into an anger spiral, they may assign that behavior to a version of themselves that gets really angry like Bakugo, even though it's really just the ANP being influenced by the emotions of the non-autonomous EP. “Bakugo" may never “truly” be autonomous like an EP in a CDD system would be, but that person who has CPTSD or PTSD may feel like they "become Bakugo" every time they get triggered and angry because of that non-autonomous EP's influence. Eventually, the ANP may learn how to communicate with that non-autonomous EP Bakugo and learn coping strategies for “his” anger and process the traumas that caused that emotional response, which can actually help that person heal in the long run. I think non-CDD parts can totally be a helpful coping mechanism for trauma healing. Consider how much easier it is to be kind to someone else rather than yourself. A lot of trauma survivors are incredibly hard on themselves, but may do a 180 for their friends and uplift them when they are struggling with the same thing. If someone with C/PTSD finds it easier to communicate and encourage healing to “Bakugo” rather than themselves and it ends in them healing in the long run, I’d call that a net win.

Like sure, you can say "but they're not actually endo, they just have CPTSD" but like…if they don't have a fragmented consciousness but they feel like they "become Bakugo" every time that angry non-autonomous EP is triggered, wouldn't that kinda mean that they don't have CDD alters but still experience SOME form of plurality? They may have an extremely anxious non-autonomous EP that is like a different blorbo from their shows, or they might name a non-autonomous super depressed EP after Sadness from Inside Out. While they aren't experiencing CDD plurality, one cannot really argue that they aren't experiencing some kind of plurality, right?

And gosh, what about the folks who genuinely don't have serious enough trauma to have PTSD or CPTSD and aren't really needing the IFS parts to cope, but created their parts just because? Why not? Especially if they aren't trying to demedicalize DID a la Astrea's Web or purposely trying to throw vitriol into the community, what is the harm in it? I already mentioned that they really aren't making a mockery of the disorder, fake claimers are. So what’s the big deal, really?

Why can't we as traumagenic systems just let endos exist without concrete proof? From what l've gathered, there have been studies on non-traumagenic plurality (I believe @sysmedsaresexist has shared these studies before but I may be mistaken...sorry for the tag, SAS) so clearly scientists have noticed this is a thing that happens.

Aren't you, as a traumagenic system, fucking sick of fake claimers CONSTANTLY questioning your existence, your reality? Don't you think endos probably feel the same way towards us? Like yeah, we have a lot of scientific proof we exist, but fake claimers will straight up ignore that shit and say the scientists are wrong. Why are we doing literally the same shit? Like come on, put yourself in their shoes! Let them exist whether there's a bazillion studies on them or not! As long as they aren't trying to cause active harm to others or the community (most endos just wanna exist in peace without being constantly fake claimed and harassed, for the record—just like us traumagenic systems!), just let them be! Live and let live. We cannot dictate how they experience their life, whether it's real or not. (I personally think it is, it's just not the same as a CDD—our experiences with plurality are inherently different as a traumatized system of parts.)

I hope my very long ramble was of help to you and others?

Since opening up to the possibility of endos being real and not being so stressed about whether it is or not, l've just been a much happier person overall—not to mention have a much greater appreciation for how cool the brain is and what we as people do to cope with shit. Plurality as a whole is really fucking cool from a scientific perspective. I think being more open-minded and accepting in general will also just make you feel better as a person. We don't need to be asking all these questions, we can just let it be! It's way less stressful, tbh.

[genderqueerdykes]

I noticed this detail in your most recent post, and I know it isn't the point but I deal with the same problem so I think I should mention it

for a decent bit of my teen years, I had always imagined myself in a car behind the wheel on my way to some job or something. but the more I think about these things as I age and as I get to learn more about my capabilities and the varying extent thereof, I realized maybe a few years ago that driving wouldn't be a good idea for me. and I've been working on getting a job for the last year and a half (my very first one, if we're being honest) and I have made very little progress because I don't have the skill sets or traits required for the vast majority of jobs on the market right now. but as for driving, I just can't imagine doing that well because I deal with a good number of disorders too (adhd, asd, severe anxiety, dp/dr that was diagnosed but not documented, and a few more) and I fear that may hinder my ability to function on the road the way most others do, not to mention im on a few medications that happen to have warning labels against handling heavy machinery like cars. so i guess im also scared to drive, and not a lot of people in my life understand that either. I just felt this was worth sharing since I relate to it and I really hope this wasn't too intrusive

oh that's not intrusive at all!

i do not drive for similar reasons. i hallucinate and dissociate far too much. i just see and hear things that are not happening, and sometimes i just black out for the entirety of a trip somewhere (or more). i have a really short attention span as well, so i really do understand those concerns.

my personal stance on the matter is that if you feel like you'd be a dangerous driver, it's only saving your & other people's lives to avoid it if possible. rideshare apps are becoming more common, and there's never any shame in using public transportation. there's nothing wrong with wanting to stay safe like that. people are too harsh on those who don't know and/or don't want to learn how to drive. there's so many bad drivers on the road. accidents would be a lot fewer and farther between if we just let people who aren't good at driving stay off the road and not guilt them to get better at driving, or whatever

anyways, take care of yourself, alright? you don't need diagnoses for any of this, it's okay. you're allowed to take this seriously even if you don't have a diagnosis

[yourlocaltreesimp]

I honestly find your content AMAZING I mean any time I see you've updated I immediately look to see what it is that you have blessed us with. Tbh you've inspired me to go back into writing and break through my writers block so I've been thinking about several different scenarios and wanted to share even if it ain't the best.

.•♫•♬• 𝒀𝒂𝒏!𝑪𝒉𝒂𝒊𝒏 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝑴𝒂𝒔𝒌𝒆𝒅!𝑹𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒆𝒓 •♬•♫•.

Imagine the Yan!Chain with a reader that always and I mean ALWAYS wears a medical mask, but nevertheless is sweet and kind to everyone (the masks kinda like the cloth ones that are pure black with the white mouth/ accesory designs on them). They never take it off even to eat or bathe unless they feel comfortable, safe, and trust the people their around which has yet to happen. The chain oh so desperately want to know what their beloved looks like beneath the mask, thinking of the way their cheeks and expressions look like and the way their lips would feel against them.

Masked!Reader that doesn't usually take off their jacket/hoodie for similar reasons and they seem to have a small figure They must be protected, the chain can't risk loosing such a small precious being... but reader knows personally that they aren't as weak as most people see them. The may be small (about 4'10" - 5'3"), but they've lived a wild and dangerous life back in their world and know how to fight like a professional.

Masked!Reader who proves this when all of them are suddenly ambushed and finally gets the chance to prove they can take care of themselves, only to go completely feral the moment one of the boys get hurt...

.•♫•♬• 𝑶𝒏𝒆𝒔𝒉𝒐𝒕 •♬•♫•.

You had been traveling with the Chain for quite some time now and had formed a bond with each and every one of them, treating them with the kindness they had wished and craved for after so long. They saw you as a small, sweet angel, their one and only love that HAD to be protected no matter what.

They became incredibly protective when anything they deemed a threat came into view, it was cute and sweet at first but after a while it kinda got a tad bit irritating. You knew that you weren't as weak as they saw you and you wanted to prove that once and for all when the time came. Which was much sooner than you thought.

All of you were traveling through one of the many woods that scattered the land, you being in the center of the group and calmly chatting with the others until a group of monsters attacked out of nowhere. Everyone immediately pulled out their weapons, including you, as they all began to defend from the attacks of the beasts. Some of the boys stayed close to you, defending you from the monsters, which is when you finally saw the opportunity and decided to prove yourself.

You managed to quickly rush past them towards one of the monsters, despite the contradicting shouts from the oothers as you charged into battle. With one swift slice, your short sword sliced through the one of the beast and ended it with ease. All of them watched on in awe before some of them went back to fighting, a few of them stuck in a trance as they watched your elegant and powerful fighting stance.

Unfortunately, due to being a bit distracted by your grace, one of the boys ended up taking a hit from an enemy. You saw the hit and the way the monster seemed to mock the fallen Link and all you could see in that moment was red. A burning rage inside of you suddenly boiled up and spilled over as you let out an almost animalistic growl that could even cause the greatest of heroes to tremble in fear, the look in your eyes like one of an apex predator.

You subconsciously dropped your weapon and charged at the monster as it looked up at you...

------------

I might continue this if you'd like, but I really love your writings and hope to see more! Make sure to stay hydrated, rested, and eat at least three meals a day! Hope you have a great day/night!

- 𐂂 anon (if that's okay with you)

I- 𐂂 anon this is amazing! Thank you so much and welcome to the crew. I love your writing style sm- ahehejejenwns snsnsnskkakdkwkw

I’m glad i was able to spark some inspiration, and i’ll refill my glass of water just for you <3

[thevoidstaredback]

Void, what're your thoughts on current politics?

Oh, no. I have been tricked into having this conversation once already today, and I'm not going to have it again. I couldn't get a word in after sharing my initial opinion and thoughts with my uncle, so I'm not opening that can of words again.

But, we've had political discussions before; we share a lot of the same views if not opinions.

Yeah, that's what I thought about my uncle, dad, grandparents, and even some friends. We may agree on a lot of things, but my experiences have led me to realize that no matter how well we get on, either of us could say something and we're suddenly hostile.

Like what?

Well, I have strong opinions and views on human rights as a whole, but specifically women's and LGBTQA+ rights.

You know what I think about that stuff.

Do I? Because we've never really had an in depth discussion; Only shared jokes and dislike/hatred for a few of the injustices.

Shouldn't that tell you my stance?

A little bit, yeah, but there's a lot more that needs to be talked about. For example, I know you support LGBQA identities, but what about T?

You know I support the others, so why would Trans folk be any different?

You just never know. I know people who support Lesbians and Gays, but are aphobic and transphobic. I know some people who don't support aro or ace identities, but everything else. There's a lot of niche topics that could potentially turn our relationship - friendly though it may be - hostile or strained.

Hm. I've never really thought about that. I figured that an ally to one was an ally to all.

That's not quite how that works. I think a more accurate way of saying would be 'an ally of one is an ally of none'. Every Queer identity is tied into each other, at least a little bit, if not closely related, so how can you possibly be in full support of one without being in full support of another?

That's.... actually given me a bit to think about. What about current events? We agree on pretty much all of those.

'Pretty much all' is your key phrase, man. There's a lot of shitty things that're happening in the world, most of which can be sourced to political influence. But, as I've found out through some of the same as well as different people, what I think shouldn't be happening/should be stopped, you could think should keep happening. Like, as another example, the fires in California. I think they're horrible tragedies and I pray that they stop soon, but a lot of people I've talked to say that the fires are supposed to be raging because the [LDS] Bible and religious figureheads say, in so many words, that California will sink in the last days. I've also heard people use their religion, LDS again, to excuse the hell that Israel has somehow excused as 'self defense'.

But I'm not religious. I haven't been for nearly a decade now.

I know, but you can not be religious and still follow some of the same ideals, good or bad in the opinions of others.

But, that's cherry-picking, isn't it?

Yeah, it is, and everyone - including myself, admittedly - does it. Cherry-picking information, maybe even going so far as to twist meanings, is unavoidable.

Completely?

Almost, yeah.

Hm

[mihai-florescu]

Fascinated by alien valkyrie... do happyele really think mixing the two will bring people back? Ive still been playing the eng server because i was already committed to getting new years madara but idk if I'll keep going after that... everything is leaving a bad taste in my mouth but Im sticking around on the periphery at least to see where things go. Morbidly curious.

Also I havent been reading anymore mhyk stories I've just been drained by Everything and then last week my irl that I was gonna watch the anime with got really sick. She's better now so we are gonna watch the first two eps tomorrow but I would like to get back to reading stories... hopefully soon now that things are settling down. -📖

Morbidly curious is my stance too. But to be fair i have never spent money in game, find tiering stupid, and when ppl would ask how to get into enstars id always tell them to read first era instead rather than playing the game so. Well. I still do my starry lives on eng, i wont lie. I wish i never started playing the actual game though, now i struggle to stop when ive had the acc since it was in beta (i did stop playing on the jp server a while ago though since im using eng to read untranslated stories). I will be the first to admit im addicted, and ive overcome past game addictions by telling myself i still have enstars. But im not sure how to stop playing this one now...? I dont want to get into any other game. I read stories with pleasure but playing things is too addictive for me, who lacks routine or purpose otherwise. But this disappointment in recent updates might help me break out of the addiction i hope. Even if enstars still makes me happier than anything and i cant see a world where it's not my special interest~ ill cherish it for what it was to me forever. And even currently i think theres more nuanced than people like to think, given even good rep has been attacked in an attempt to nitpick and get points on estwt. I have complicated feelings on the whole matter that i prefer to keep to myself or close friends. But maybe i already wrote my feelings in those instagram stories i shared from a few days ago and the ask from cookie

Ignore the typo, but these were my feelings from a few days ago irt morbid curiosity. Ive always said im not a fandom account but just a guy with an interest in things - other ppl resonated with my opinions and here we are i suppose. But im critical of a fandom lens in approaching media. My sensitive lone wolf personality, tch... <-joke. Mostly

Aanyway, i think you can wait until a few episodes of mhyk come out to binge them. It starts a bit slow and i was sad it ended so quickly when i watched the first ep. I hope your friend will recover completely from her sickness soon! You said she's better, but still, medical problems are so scary...

Stories will always be here to welcome you back^^ no need to hurry, even though i understand so badly wanting to read but not being in the right mindset or having other issues occupy your time or brainpower instead. I think it took me 4 days to read a 10 chapter story last week, it was baddd. Not the story was bad, my mental state. U get it

[gaylactic-fire]

Hi hello, I've got a question, what that heck happened this week?? I haven't been active in awhile and I just logged back in here to follow an artist from tiktok, and I happened to see the conservative discord server screenshots on my "your tags" section. Is possible to get the sparks note version of what happened? (Sorry if the ask sounds weird, not very good at putting my thoughts into words)

Sorry I only answered this a few days later! You might already know what's happening by now, but in case you didn't I'll give you a TLDR:

- Tumblr user alasse-earfalas makes a post on LU's main tag advertising a conservative christian LU / LoZ server. She claims to want a safe space for those with similar views. What really catches people's attention is a part of the post that speaks about "Pride ideology" and how such "predatory" views aren't allowed in the server. In the same section she talks about wanting a space where characters are not "queered into oblivion." The vibes are utterly rancid.

- LU fandom immediately begins spiteposting. Everyone and their mother starts making LU queer headcanons or posts showing their support for the queer community. The memes flood in. "Queered into oblivion." is immediately reclaimed and added to people's lexicons. People are speedrunning how fast they can get banned off the server. There's almost a unanimous effort to make fun of bigots.

- Further controversy ensues under the surface. As it turns out, several religious people in the fandom had been interacting with Alasse and other people in the conservative server. It was impossible to know whether or not they shared similar views, but you can't blame people's caution. When questioned whether their blogs were safe for queer people, some gave very vague answers that pretty much dialed down to "I love everyone" or "I don't wanna talk about it." Neutrality in such instances is not reassuring for queer people, especially when the other side is claiming we are predatory. Afaik some people have redacted their statements or gone on to further clarify things. But some people still take a firmly neutral stance on the matter. (Don't ask who I haven't been following closely enough to know).

- A few days later Alasse comes back with a follow-up statement addressing the server. She pulls a mix between "gay people I respect VS gay people I don't respect." and "I'm not homophobic I have a gay friend." By stating that the server is not homophobic, but simply does not support the pride movement. Which is allegedly pushing to show porn to kids in school. When asked for a source on such a shocking claim someone on the server cites Fucking Matt Walsh rather than a non-biased and or scientific article. The transphobia also pops out when she claims the pride movement is trying to push surgeries on children (It's not. Children do not get gender realignment surgeries. You can find this out from five minutes on google). Addressing "queered into oblivion." Alasse goes on a rant about "queerwashing" characters, stating the Links are canonically straight and making them queer invalidates their identity. Alasse conveniently forgets that Nintendo has never canonically given Link a partner. She also forgets that bisexuality, asexuality and other sexualities that may include romantic attraction to the opposite sex do, in fact, exist. The rest of the post is whining about people joining the server to troll and basically just her reaping what she sowed for advertising on Tumblr Dot Com.

Aside for further outrage and memes, that's pretty much where we're up to so far. Things are dying down and hopefully the bigots will keep to their own corner and or fuck off from the fandom entirely.

[tideswept]

🍄🍬❄️

Ahoy other nonnie! o7

🍄 ⇢ share a head canon for one of your favourite ships or pairings

mmmmmn I'll do three for. Reasons. :)

obikin: Obi-Wan is the truly unhinged one in the relationship. Sorry. He puts up a good front but I thoroughly believe that man would, if the circumstances aligned, out-unhinge Anakin in every conceivable metric, and he'd somehow make it all appear reasonable. Totally what he had to do at that moment. There was no better choice available.

jonelias: if "soulmates" existed in TMA, Elias would have had zero compunction about killing his soulmate if necessary. (Though he'd simply avoid or politely reject them if it weren't.) And if they kept being reincarnated? He'd still maintain the same stance. Not interested. Not useful to him. But Jon, Jon is the one he chooses, and that's far more meaningful to him than something as insignificant as a soulmate. (and if Jon also has a soulmate, well... he'll deal with that in whatever way he must.) (And I don't mean he'd automatically kill them!) (Unless he personally finds them unworthy) (then all bets are off)

hartwin: Eggsy is the sane, practical one. Harry has gone too long being the wild card, being too good, too lucky, too independent. Harry overly relies on money, on technology, on social cachet to ease his way through what little of every day life he must go through in between Kingsman and missions for Kingsman. That isn't to say Harry is incapable of being a competent adult, it's that he hasn't needed to for decades, and he's redirected his energy to the spy life. He can charm anyone... but he's rusty at actually having relationships. At building a life with someone. At having someone else in his space. In having anything even remotely resembling a work/life balance. Eggsy might think Harry is someone to emulate and learn from, but to Harry, Eggsy legit is the better half of their relationship.

🍬 ⇢ post an unpopular opinion about a popular fandom character

I don't think Obi-Wan Kenobi is a slut. 🤷 I think it's way more likely that he's a virgin. (Though I can and will write him either way, and with many other varying levels of experience/enthusiasm/interest in sex, because fanfic is fun like that. :D)

❄️ ⇢ what's your dream theme/plot for a fic, and who would write it best?

uh damn that's hard??? There's a lot of valid answers that could go here. So. Um. I'm going to cheat :D I'd love a GFFA fanfic that is mostly focused around what happened when Anakin became a Force Ghost, and his reunion with Obi-Wan. And it could take place across different timelines and flashbacks or w/e (that's what I've been thinking for a fic) but the main emphasis is their new situation, a fourth (master/padawan, generals, enemies) iteration of their ever-shifting dynamic, and one that I really never see explored. And I'd love to see @darthwillies tackle it and make me cry. my second dream plot is that I'd love to see @underacalicosky tackle an obikin werewolf or witch AU! thinking modern day, Anakin having been raised alone, either unaware that he wasn't the only one or knowing that there were more [werewolves/witches] out there but finding that they were unwilling to even go near him or would attack him unprovoked when he approached. So he's twitchy, wary, a total asshole at the slightest thing that sets him off, but oh does he want to learn. And of course he's ridiculously powerful/a prodigy and how did he even survive this long by himself, where did he even come from, and Obi-Wan knows everyone is asking themselves this, maybe he volunteers to teach Anakin what he needs to know, maybe he's ordered. But none of that matters if he can't get Anakin to trust him first.

📚 [ask meme!]

🍓 [quick jump to ask inbox]

[mint-in-the-moonlight]

on the gods being "angry"

this has become a hot topic lately and I'm sure we've all seen our fair share of hot and cold takes alike. i don't intent to spend that much time on this as i frankly believe that it's going to blow over soon and then it's going to be resurrected on another occasion like all awesome (/s) discourse topics are. the discourse is infinite as long as social media exploits our attention.

anyways, i think it is completely fair to believe that the gods are angry at the result of the US election. i don't want to invalidate anyone's experiences or divination sessions, but there are a few things that may be valuable for us to ask.

first, what/who are the gods angry at? i think the majority of the issue comes down to this question as some have implied that the blame is placed on those who were involved in the election and that the reason for their anger is the election's result.

i'm not going to get into my personal and political views as it is not entirely relevant so i'll approach this from a purely theological perspective - we do not know what the gods truly want/believe. what are their political positions? no idea. how do they think human society should be governed? absolutely no clue.

i think this comment a found on reddit under a post on this topic expresses what i think better than i could put it:

if the gods are angry, it would be more conceivable to me that they are angry that their worshippers and others are being put in danger. there are many other and arguably worse things going on in other parts of the world and i haven't seen anyone argue that the gods are angry about those.

second, we should ask ourselves if we're not accidentally centering ourselves and thus believing that the gods are most concerned with what we personally are going through rather than other things happening in the world. i understand that many people are going through a tough time right now and their religion is bringing them hope and relief but situations and discourses like these are a good opportunity to reflect on our beliefs and opinions and the role our religions play in our lives.

third, and this is just a sidenote as i do not want to get into this too much, we should be aware of how other more dominant religions may be influencing our worldview, especially in situations like this. Christianity specifically has a very strong moralising influence, where worshippers believe that this or that certain thing is right or wrong as determined by their deity. like i've said before, we do not know what the gods' opinions on electoral politics are or if they even have any. you as a worshipper should have political opinions and leanings (in my opinion) however arguing that those are supported by your deities is a difficult and frankly maybe not useful stance. we've all seen alt-righters claiming that the gods support white supremacism and such, and we can't do much about that except contest it and create more inclusive communities that combat them.

furthermore, the idea that the gods are angry at this situation seems to imply that there might be some action taken by the gods in retribution. once again this feels like it is influenced by Christianity as "god's wrath and punishment" is a common motif amongst Christians. i truly believe that this is something that we need to be as aware of as possible and distance ourselves from. our gods are not all-powerful and the world is unfair and so believing that we will be avenged is a hopeless task and we must take matters into our own hands. plus, having a practice governed by fear is really not a good idea.

actually, this turned out much longer than i was planning, sorry about that. i hope you enjoyed reading my thoughts. anyways please stay discerning and critical of online discourses and dramas. i really think pagan spaces overall need more intellectual discussion. oh well...

never stop fighting!!

[drdemonprince]

are there any medium articles or other essays you've written that you have a different perspective on now? Whether a small bullet point or the entire objective of a piece. It's interesting following your journey while catching up on the archive

Ohhhh yeah. In a big way. My thinking on nearly all matters continues to evolve, so much so that I always cringe a bit at some phrasings in my books by the time they are out.

In my work on Medium you can see a strong inconsistency in how I think about several topics -- I've gone through periods of disparaging my family, to extending them grace, to thinking I have a moral responsibility to fight with them, to regretting my rage at them, to calling my parents abusive, and on and on. On this topic, it's not so much that my feelings have changed, so much as each point of view represents one facet of the same gem I'm spinning in my mind's eye.

My thoughts on sexual assault and justice have evolved a ton. Around the time of the Weinstein and Ansari accusations, I wrote a lot about rape and coercion. Then a dear friend experienced an assault and was not believed by a huge friend group that we shared and I took on an even more hardline, believe-all-victims-and-take-action-swiftly-to-protect-them stance. I was more traumatized and dysphoric back then too.

My hardline stance eventually came into conflict with my abolitionism, and my growing respect for the importance of personal discernment that emerged more and more over the course of the pandemic. I just saw too many people who were afraid to exercise their own discernment on a wide array of topics and who amplified vague callouts of all kinds without skepticism (god, remember the Wayfair conspiracy?), and I saw how such formless accusations harmed the marginalized in particular. And all the gormless attacks on "narcissists" as the cause of abuse really chilled me. all that strongly tempered my dogmatism.

But I have also witnessed the "anti cancel culture" squad fail to live up to any value system whatsoever and I have fought with them a lot quite openly over their frequently racist, transphobic, theory-free views. All I know today is that navigating these waters is very, very hard, and that I am only in control of living by my values and being outspoken about them and that attempts to manipulate a moral response out of other people don't work and that information is only as good as my knowledge about who and where it came from. I think my evolution on all this closely tracks with the shifts in the zeitgeist -- it's rare for me to be that on pace with the average person I meet.

My perspective on how a meaningful difference in the world is made has changed. In 2016 I was calling politicians for an hour every day on livestream to protest this or that conservative bill. Now i'm an anarchist with minimal regard for electoral politics or any formal institutions. I did vote for Brandon Johnson though.

But by far the piece that least reflects my current understanding of things is one from 2020 called "Against Community." But that one was never meant to be a prescription for how people should live their lives. It was just a description of where I was at emotionally, having watched multiple friend groups disintegrate over abuse, triangulation, and bad boundaries. I'm glad I don't have to feel that way now. It was the growth after that experience that led to my revelation that communities are just relationships you build, and keep building, not static places you find.

On the whole I am less angry now, less dogmatic, less inclined to believe that electoral work matters or that posting is activism, less hellbent on making everybody agree with me, more comfortable with mourning, more radical, more patient, less grandiose and less hung up on what other people think of me. Despite all that i am still a very arrogant angry neurotic stressed out self superior insecure person.

Thanks for this great question. When I hold fake interviews with myself in the shower, it's being asked things like this that I fantasize about.

[blue-eyed-beastie]

Man or Beast: Prince Adam's Reveal

Lately I've been seeing more discourse surrounding the memes, jokes, and comments that the Beast was more good-looking than the prince... but this post isn't about that. It's about how the prince came to look the way he does, and how it wouldn't take much to improve upon that, just a little.

Before I do, I wanted to share this video I found which covers why the prince looks the way he does:

...Essentially, it was a matter of time constraints. The transformation scene was one of the last things to be drawn and animated. They were so short on time, the initial film screening included the pencil test instead of the finished transformation scene, and it still got a standing ovation! That just goes to show that the prince's reveal only enhanced the story; it didn't detract from it.

As proof, here's the original pencil test, in all its glory:

*sigh* Isn't it gorgeous? I just love watching it.

One day I want to explore what the finished transformation sequence might look like without the special effects, but that is another project for another day (or month). For now, I want to show you my take on what the prince might have looked like if the production team hadn't been so rushed for time. To be clear, this is not to disparage any of the hardworking artists who worked on the film. They did a wonderful job, and I am in awe of their skills. This project is simply meant to satisfy my own curiosity... and to fight back against the low-bar jokes about the prince's appearance.

First, let's take a closer look at Glen Keane's original sketch compared to the final version that appears in the film:

The film version made his nostrils a different shape, the shadows are less defined, and his eyes are smaller/farther apart. And, by layering the initial sketch on top of the original screencap, I was able to see how the differences really lined up. (Pun intended.) As it turns out, it's mostly about the perspective. The upper half of his face is too high, and his chin is too low, so it puts too much emphasis on his nose.

Don't get me wrong. I love that he has a strong nose, but it looks disproportional to the rest of his face. Once I realized that, it was just a matter of tracing and tweaking until I got the results I wanted. And by the way, my intention was never to re-draw his face. (Many artists have already done that, and beautifully so). My intention was always for this to be an edit that looked like it could fit into the original film:

So, what do you think?

You can compare the original to the changes I made below:

To summarize:

I filled out the left side of his jaw and made it more symmetrical

The shape of his mouth is softer, and his teeth are more visible

His eyes/pupils have been re-centered

His nostrils are rounder

His eyes and brows were moved down ever so slightly

The browbone line over his right eye was shortened

His hairline was lowered and smoothed out (especially the curl)

Despite these changes, I really don't mind his original appearance that much. He has a unique, classical sculpture kind of beauty, and I really like how he looks in other shots. I just wanted to see if I could make the final product closer to what Glen Keane might have intended.

Is it perfect? No, but I'd like to think that it might help the naysayers reconsider their stance that he looked better as a Beast.