#I've never been this incredibly self-indulgent as this in my life

[hansama]

Day 7 - I love you

i cried multiple times while drawing this q///q) even now my eyes are still teary asdlkjfhskdh////// god... I love them sm.... thank you @htsan/@sansxyouweek for hosting this wonderful event!!! my heart screamed and break danced so much during it!!

thank you for everyone who enjoyed my drawings during this week!! Q///Q) ♥

[iuchamjohta]

Leave these woman alone ft Yuna

1400 words

Notes: Hi anon thanks for your request, since it’s sent through the request box 😊 here’s a story dedicated for you. Also I will do Yuna justice with a better fic eventually don’t worry! (Yes this is a mix of shade and partial smut i guess) Did'nt proof read this thing cause it aint worth my time. For those who wants to read for the smut you can ignore the first two and last two paragraphs they arent for u but specially for my dear requester XD

First person POV of anon:

My name is Anon. I work a standard 9-5 job and have been doing so for 30 years. I’m a single and have never dated. Everyday I get scolded by my boss but I turn a deaf ear to it , just going through the motion of my routine life. Things however get exciting once I get home. I can induldge in my deepst darkest fantasies.

You see while on the surface, I'm a white knight in shiny armor, beneath that, I'm a self-righteous hypocritical man, living a double life. I've got an entire collection dedicated to Yuna, my ultimate bias, stashed away in a folder on my laptop, hidden deep within a secret folder, safely encrypted with a password only I know. It's my little haven, my sanctuary—a place where I can indulge in my wildest fantasies, free from judgment. I mean, who doesn't have their celebrity crushes, right? But for me, it's more than just a crush. Yuna is my fantasy. She's the one who makes me question my self-control.

The room is dimly lit, perfect for what I have in mind. I pull up a recent fancam from her solo performance.. There she is, in a low-rise jeans that showcased her hourglass figure, strutting across the stage with sheer confidence. The camera zeroes in on her for a solo performance, the lucky bastards in the audience probably have no idea how fucking lucky they are. Her eyes glint with confidence, as if seducing me and sending a wave of anticipation through my body. I bite my lip, feeling my dick twitch in anticipation. It's one of those days when I crave a release, a day dedicated to worshipping her perfect body.

Yuna is everything I want and more. Her magnetic aura draws me closer to the screen as she seductively sways to the music. Every curve of her body is sculpted by the gods themselves. I zoom in, wanting to explore every inch of her, starting from her face. Her huge eyes, her full lips that always look succulent, begging for me to take them. Her skin, pale in complextion that glows under the stage lights. I'd kill to know what she smells like, if she tastes as sweet as she looks. Her long legs they begged to be worshipped.

Her hair, cascading in soft waves, frames her face, occasionally whipping her forehead as she moves, making my fingers itch to run through it, to feel its silkiness between my fingertips. Her crop top reveals just the right amount of skin and her incredibly sexy midriff. They hug her chest tightly. I imagine pinching those rosy nipples, already knowing from countless fantasies that they'd harden instantly. The thought sends a jolt of lust straight to my cock.

The camera follows her every move, and she's teasing the fans mercilessly. She bends down, the low-rise jean - hugging every inch of her toned thighs and plump ass, highlighting the perfect hour glass figure. God, her ass! It's a work of art, rounded and firm, a sight that has me gripping my cock, stroking slowly as I imagine sinking my face into that soft flesh. The way she reveals her cleavage, The way her muscles flex under those jeans makes my mouth go dry. She knows what she's doing, the little tease. Each flick of her hips is a silent invitation to something forbidden.

As the song progresses, so does my hand on my shaft. I can't stop picturing her riding me, those long, toned legs wrapped around my waist. Her abs clench and relax with each provocative move, the sight alone nearly pushing me over the edge. The sweat glistening on her skin, the way it would feel slick under my palms as I hold her hips, grinding into me, fuck, it consumes me. I want to be the reason for her sweat, for her moans.

The performance builds up, and so does my pace. My breathing quickens, mirroring her heavy pants as if we're in sync. I can imagine the lust matching my own as she moves her hair behind her back, giving me a perfect view of her slender neck and the pulse point that makes my mouth water. A collarbone looks so defined and my hands would look so fucking perfect there, pushing her down unto my cock. My cock twitches, the thought of owning this goddess in the bedroom flooding my mind. I want to see her—no, I need to see her submissive side, her begging for more, on her knees, her pretty eyes pleading for me to take control.

I can't resist the urge anymore. I pause the video at the part where she's bending forward offering an eyeful of her cleavage and a hint of her flat stomach. The image fills the screen,  letting me examine every detail. From her perfect breast that I imagine running my tongue all over, to her navel, a shallow indent, a tempting destination for my tongue. I'd work my way downward, hearing her whimpers as I trace patterns on her sensitive skin, marking her with love bites along the way until I reach her wet core. With my other hand, I reach for the lube, needing more sensation. I coat my fingers and continue imagining my tongue's path, heading south past her navel to the place she craves attention. I'd tease her, running my fingers through her wetness, finding her clit, driving her wild. And when she's close, I'd sink two fingers into her, feeling her heat, her tightness, while I suck on that perfect neck, leaving my mark. Her moans would fill the room, echoing off the walls, telling me she's mine.

But, Yuna she's a master at denying satisfaction. The clip cuts just as I can see her biting her lip, probably holding back a moan. That's when my stroking gets wilder. I jerk off fiercely, imagining her on all fours, that ass in the air, begging for my cock. In my mind, I'd stand behind her, taking in the view before delivering hard thrusts, the sound of skin slapping skin filling the room. She loves rough, I know that much. I want to spank that ass, watch it jiggle with each impact, watch her pussy squeeze my dick, milking me.

"Fuck, Yuna," I groan, my vision blurring as pleasure spikes. I see her looking over her shoulder, those eyes half-lidded, knowing she's craving it harder. In my fantasy, I'd tug her hair, making her submit, taking her like an animal. I increase the pace, my balls tightening, then I would reach my peak, exploding with sensation. I come violently, coating my hand and the screen, wishing it was her that I coated instead.

Panting, I lean back, my heart hammering in my chest as I relish the aftermath. The image of her winking at the camera as she says her farewells plays in my head, and I know I'll be back for more—she's my addiction. Cleaning up, a satisfied smile on my face, I wonder if she has any idea the effect she has on me, if she knows she just gave me the best fucking handjob ever. Little does she know, this 'nobody' behind the screen is more than willing to show her how good it could be in reality.

Maybe one day, she won't just be a fantasy, but until then, I'll keep worshipping her on my screen.

Then with this guilty pleasure, I find the need to claim her as mine and "protect" her. Going unto forums, I tell myself I have to put back on my knight in shiny armour image! Telling everyone else to leave all these woman alone especially Yuna.

To me pornography is okay, I have fapped to many of it, nor do I see the need to email all these pornographic companies on what they are doing though more damaging is wrong. Other sexual fantasies are okay, but when it comes to others fantasising about my idols, I have to be defensive since they are my life even though I would never reach them. This is me, a double standard hypocritical white knight, a nameless nobody in my life. Nonetheless, this secret is safe with me, and as long as I live, I shall continue to remain self-righteous on the outside while indulging in my secret fantasies.

Thanks for your request once again! Yes me being an internet troll, anyways not the best smut I have written I apologise. Okay fuck now I actually need to do justice by releasing a proper Yuna fic . Please send ideas for req on Yuna guys a one time offer that the best idea gets it’s fic written on her.

[uranometrias]

my love mine all mine , aaron hotchner

this is incredibly self indulgent. i wrote this for myself, because my cat passed away today && i have no idea how to grieve correctly. but i've always been able to express myself the best through writing, so here i am trying to do so.

basically reader loses her kitten && hotch is there to comfort her while she grieves. reader is a doctor && gets her nails painted. mentions of sleeping in a scarf and braids (but this can apply to any race <3) hotch is pretty flirty. he also had a dog that died when he was younger (idk) ... i'm still getting used to writing him (but he's been rotting my brain) so hotch girlies please be sweet to me, i'm trying.

"Have you decided what you want me to grab on the way?" You feel giddy, eyes beaming vibrantly as you unlock your front door. Aaron was on the other line, he'd been looking forward to spending the evening with you for the past two weeks. Your jobs often sent you in separate directions, with him following cases cross country, and you spending nearly twenty hours a day working at Inova Fairfax Medical Campus. The commute was nearly an hour from Quantico, which made it difficult for your schedules to coincide the way you hoped.

Today though was an exception. He'd just gotten back from a case, a successful one, and you'd been lucky enough to finally get two days off. You couldn't contain your excitement when you'd finally managed to get Aaron on the phone, and with Jack staying at Jessica's for another night, it seemed everything was working out in your favor. You still had no idea what you were in the mood to eat, despite having ample time to figure it out. "I dunno." you mutter, and you drop your keys into the basket just to the left of the front door.

"Well honey, you've gotta give me something." Aaron chuckles, and his voices makes you feel warm and fuzzy on the inside. "I'm sure you haven't anything at all today." and it doesn't take a rocket science to know he's absolutely correct. Your stomach grumbles audibly, and you cringe, the sound a dead giveaway of your poor eating habits. "Do you need a bit more time to think about it?" he asks, and you're nodding your head, despite the fact that he can't see you. Your focus is split, eyes darting around your place in search of Piper.

Piper was your five year old tabby, the most special companion that you'd cared for since she was a newborn. Usually she'd be making her way to your front door, nudging her head against your shins, meowing her head off as some form of reprimand for being gone too long. Her absence was unusual, but you'd noticed she'd been sleeping a touch longer in the recent months. You'd taken her to the vet and they'd written off any life threatening illnesses. Perhaps she was jus becoming a lazy cat they had said.

"What'd you eat yesterday?" you ask, and you shrug off your coat next, hanging it in the closet as you slip off your cork-leather clogs. You admire your pedicure, French-tips gleaming back at you as your feet hit the cherry laminate flooring. You imagined that he'd hardly been able to eat well while out on a case, Aaron (and his team) had a horrible habit of neglecting their own health and wellness for the sake of cracking the case. You'd call him out on it, but it'd feel to hypocritical with the way you gave most of your life to the hospital.

"Four cups of coffee." and he sounds sheepish as he replies, he'd been running himself ragged with this last particular case. He couldn't leave the precinct until he was convinced he'd made a dent in the investigation. He could imagine your disappointed pout, but he was doing his best, or at least trying his best. "But, Dave made sure that I got something this morning before we got on the jet." and it's not like he has to explain himself to you, you'd never berate him. He believed it was just a side effect of falling for you.

"Four cups?" you gasp, head already shaking. "You're going to turn into a cup of coffee if you keep up with habits like those." you scold. "You'll have to double your water intake, you could seriously dehydrate yourself that way." you say with a quiet huff. You round the corner of the foyer, heading for the kitchen. "Are you feeling alright?" your tone grows a bit softer, "Four cups means you were really absorbed in the case. Everything okay?" you tread lightly. You weren't quite sure how he felt about you asking about his job.

"As far as endings go, I'd say it was better than most." he replies thoughtfully, clearly unfazed by your desire to probe. That makes you smile a bit, the obviousness of his trust for you. "We minimized the amount of deaths, the unsub was taken into custody... the team worked really hard." he proceeds, and you find yourself grinning. "But, I will do a better job of taking care of myself. You'd be a good nurse, but I can imagine a few better scenarios for you to take care of me."

You smile despite the fact it makes your heart stutter step. You were still getting used to him growing more confident in this way, but you weren't complaining in the slightest. "I'd be a great nurse." you correct him delicately, "I'd enjoy taking care of you in any way though." and you bet he can hear your shyness through the phone. Your relationship with Aaron still felt fairly new, you'd been seeing one another for going on seven months, but you knew you loved him.

Even if you hadn't managed to say it just yet.

"Look at that, another thing we have in common." he exhales, and you want him to hurry up and get to you. You hadn't seen him in so long, and despite the fact you were willing to mount him on sight, you just wanted to enjoy being in the same place for once. "How are you? Did you have a good day?" and you like the way he's so attentive, how he seems to genuinely care about what you had to say.

"It was great." you insist, and you've poured yourself a glass of water, ice tinkling as you scanned the dining room for any sign of Piper. Still nothing, weird. "I went to the bookstore a bit earlier, got a few novels for my book shelf." you list. "I got my nails done, and I got a facial. It was so relaxing I wound up falling asleep on the table." and you chuckle a bit at the memory. "Piper and I went on a drive before lunch, she's so spoiled." you add, but you're still scouring the space.

"Drafted up my budget for the month, my new schedule came in," you exhale tiredly at the thought. "Picked up my scrubs from the dry cleaners, I did a grocery run, and went to see the flower exhibit near the Farmer's Market. I got this really incredible soft-pretzel croissant." you sigh dreamily at the memory. "And now I'm home, and waiting for you." you complete, and you lean forward, arms resting against the countertop. "It was a really nice day. I thought I wouldn't know what to do without work, but I'd nearly forgotten what it feels like to be off."

Aaron's silent, but not because he's disinterested in your ramblings. He finds them endearing, and oftentimes had to remind himself that you, much like Jack, needed verbal response in order to feel heard. "I missed you." and it's not quite what he was aiming to say, but it's what comes out. It's true, it had been a while since he'd seen you in person, and with the way your schedules overlapped, he'd hardly been able to get much conversation out of you apart from quick check-ins in between patients and breaks in BAU cases.

You let out a quiet puff of air, it's not quite a sigh nor an exhale. Your lips curve upwards, and you wonder if there's a record out there for most smiles achieved in a single phone call. "You've got no idea how happy that makes me." you reply, and you inhale deep. "I missed you too, hurry up and get over here." you press, and you replay the sound of his responding laugh over in your mind. You don't think you could be more lovesick, but it's a more than welcomed feeling. "As far as dinner, why don't I just cook something?" you offer with a shrug.

"Do you want to?" and Aaron's got this weird thing about him where he's still getting used to the fact that you want to do certain things for him. You go over it a lot, reminding him that you'd love nothing more than to spoil him as much as he spoils you. He's still a bit hesitant, but you don't mind fighting the good fight until he relented. His hands tighten just slightly on the steering wheel, and his leg jumps as he awaits your response. He knows, or better put, he has an idea of what you'll say. He still wants to hear it either way.

"We take care of each other, mon amour." You coo, and he feels that familiar rush of affection towards you. "It'll be fun." you add, and then you're sighing audibly. "I just really can't wait to see you. I don't want to wait any longer than I need to." you express, and Aaron understands. He'd been restless on the jet, Dave and Emily seemed to zero in on his jitters, he was thankful they had enough couth to keep it to themselves. All he received was a knowing smirk from Rossi as he made a beeline for the tarmac the second the jet landed.

"I'll be there soon." he promises, and you grow giddier. "I-" and he wants to cross the line, mutter three worded phrase that would change everything. He'd been learning to be more bold, to focus on the things he could control, and appreciate those things. "I love you." he doesn't have time to think about the repercussions, because it's out, and there's a strong sense of relief that washes over him. You are surprised, but elated. The excitement his words bring you is hard to diminish.

"I love you too." and it comes out as easy as breathing. Probably because you mean it with all of your heart. "I'll see you soon, Mr. Hotchner." you promise, and he's chuckling at your sudden formality, likely a side effect of your newfound nerves at the huge step you'd both taken in your relationship.

"See you soon." you don't bring the phone from your ear until you hear the faint click of the call ending. You exhale shakily, mind running at a mile a minute as your heart seems to double in size. Still, you find this moment is short lived- mind once again on the eerie silence in your apartment. You place your glass down on the counter, coaster be damned as you make your way past the dining room and towards the living room. Sometimes you'd find Piper curled up on the couch, quiet purrs escaping her as she slept contently.

"Piper!" you coo, surprised when you note that she's nowhere to be found. You know that she wasn't outside, you'd made sure before leaving back out that she was comfortable in the house. You follow the layout of your place, the archway that led from the living room back to the foyer is the route you take, heading towards your bedroom as you continuously call for the cat. "Piper, where are you, pretty girl?" you enter your room, hopeful that you'll find her there.

You spot her little paw peeking out of her hideaway and instantly relax. "Oh Piper, you scared me." you let out a shaky sort of giggle as you fully enter your bedroom, feet brushing over the comforting carpet. You kneel just in front of the hideaway, reaching out to pet her. It takes you a few moments to make peace with the fact that she's not rousing. You swallow thickly, a lump growing in your throat as you wiggle her paw. She doesn't move, just as limp as before.

"Piper?" you feel the way your throat constricts, eyes immediately wanting to brim with tears, as you grow frantic. "Oh, please no-" you exclaim, head shaking as you feel a shudder rack through you. You're gentle as you maneuver around the hideaway, hands looping around her small body as you move to pull her out. She's limp, not even the act of you lifting her up enough to make her move. Your glow feels like it's diminished almost instantly, a dark cloud setting in over your head. It seemed a bit silly, panicked over the loss of a cat.

But she was yours, like a daughter to you in the way you cared for her, and made her apart of your routine. She was special, and despite the reputation cats gained for being standoffish and unable to understand human love, you knew that to be wrong. Piper was sweet, a loving cat that curled up beside you every night and followed you like a second shadow. She'd play games of tag with you, chasing you around your apartment as you squealed and screamed for your life.

"Please, please, no-" you're shedding real tears now, they're slipping down your cheeks in a constant succession. "Piper, please wake up!" it's silly, probably. Rocking back and forth with a dead cat in your hand hoping that sheer adoration will be enough to turn back the hands of time. It's certainly not, and the reality crushes you. The first sob is choked, almost like you're holding yourself back, not letting your feelings take full affect. You hadn't prepared yourself at all.

You didn't know what to do.

You think that's when the first swell of sobs begins. They're more ugly wails than anything else, the loud sound echoing through the space in front of you as your arms lower, Piper's body leaning against you as you continued to let your tears flow freely. Your chest tightens, constricting every couple of seconds like you'd suddenly developed chronic heartburn. The pain is a violent assassin, the air around you feeling tight. You think you may be choking on all that you're feeling.

You hate the part of your brain that was constantly in 'Doctor Mode', the side that reminded you that despite your grief, handling a deceased animal like this was a surefire way to get sick. Her body wouldn't start to decompose for at least another day, but you had no real way of knowing just how long she'd actually been dead. You don't move though, until at least your sobs have waned, you know it's not the end of them, but it's a reprieve just for a moment.

You slowly climb to your feet, still clutching Piper as your eyes whip around your bedroom. Your eyes land on her carrier, and the image makes you want to cry all over again. You shut your eyes, allowing yourself to take in a deep breath. It doesn't help. Still, your feet lead you over to the carrier, where you're gently placing Piper. Her vet was only eight minutes up the street, and maybe your ability to dispose of her so quickly was precisely why this was happening to you.

Guilt was loud, too loud. It almost knocked you to your knees as you imagined Piper's fear whilst you were gone. Was she sick? How long had she been? Why hadn't you noticed? Why did you leave her alone? Why weren't you there? You let her down. You had let her down.

You want to curl into a ball, hide under the blankets and cry until you passed out. But, she deserved better. She deserved to not be lugged around like she was some prop, she needed a proper place to rest. Once her carrier is zipped up, you're picking it up by the handles, using your other hand to swipe at the tears still trying to fall. You take the route you'd walked not ten minutes prior, slipping your shoes back on, and grabbing hold of your keys. Aaron still had another forty minutes or so in his drive, you hoped it went by quickly.

You don't think you ever needed him more than now.

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The sobs returned the second you'd walked past the threshold of your house. You sluggishly made your way back to your bedroom. It felt much lonelier now, the house feeling much too big for just you. You think that makes you cry even harder. You're covering your mouth with your hand, hoping that it would be enough to mask the sound of your bawling. You doubt that it does, but you can't do much else. You don't want to go to sleep, you don't want to do anything.

You begin berating your behavior once more in your head, replaying all the ways you'd been a shitty caretaker even though you know it's a bad idea. Your leg shakes under your comforter, the blanket squished underneath your body as you hid your face beneath the blazing heat of your huge blanket. You don't even realize how long you've spent in this space of self-loathing and bitter tears, until you hear the front door's lock shifting out of place. Aaron was here.

"Y/N, sweetheart?" and you want to run to him more than anything. You can't though, because you don't want him to think you're a failure. So you stay put, and you cry a bit more, sniffles growing more audible as you're forced to choke back angry sobs. It doesn't take long for him to make his way towards where you are, and you don't know what he'll say when he finds you looking a mess. You know your mascara has given you racoon eyes, and in your grief, you'd failed to tie a scarf around your head. Your braids would look messy soon.

"Y/N?" and his voice is so soft, soothing, everything you don't deserve now. Your hand clutches a fistful of your shirt, right where your heart rests. "Are you in here, honey?" and you sniffle, an answer all on its own. You barely hear his footsteps, but you feel it when the bed dips just slightly, and you feel it when he gently pulls at your blanket. When he's pulled it back, he's met with the sight of your tear-streaked cheeks. Your nose was runny and raw, and your lip was quivering. It didn't take a profiler to know that you'd been crying, and he frowns.

"Are you alright?" he questions, and his hand reaches out to brush against your cheek and neck, almost like he was checking your temperature. "You've been crying?" and he examines you subtly for any signs of assault or struggle. "Did something happen?" and he knows he keeps asking questions, but he's getting worried.

"P-" and a sob racks through you, your entire body curling in on itself. Your hand is pressing against your mouth again, and your shoulders shake as you began to cry once more. "Piper she-" and your head shakes, hand clenching and unclenching against your shirt. Aaron's eyes dance around your room, and his eyebrows push inwards. He was worried, but determined to be extremely delicate with you, namely by being patient as you got out what you needed to tell him. "Piper's dead." you finally say, shoulders sagging as you weep.

Aaron's examining your face, which gives you a front row seat of the way his face is eclipsed with compassion. "Oh, honey..." his lips pull downwards into a frown, and you know, of course you know it's awkward. What do you realistically say to a person that loses their cat? It's not like any amount of conversation would bring her back. "I'm so sorry...." and usually it sounds empty when anyone offers condolences, but like with most things, Aaron is an exception. "Are you okay? Can you tell me what happened?" he pleads.

And you know that he knows that you're not okay. It's meant to be a stupid question, the obvious one. But you also know that he's giving you the chance to vent, to articulate everything you feel with no judgement. It makes you want to curl into him, and stay wrapped up in his arms until neither of you had any idea where one ended and the other began. "I just-" you have to take a moment to gather yourself, hiccupping blubbers escaping you. "I came home, and I-" your voice cracks harshly. "She was just gone. I don't-" you shake your head.

"I don't know what happened." you express, and Aaron's sympathetic, and he hates seeing you like this. Every time you cry it makes the hairs on the back of his neck stand upright. He supposed that came with loving you, an innate desire to protect you, and keep the bad things out. He'd only ever seen you in this state a handful of times, mostly when things went wrong at the hospital and you lost a patient. He had to get to you before you started blaming yourself for something that completely out of your control.

He didn't know much, but he did know your love for Piper, and how deep it ran. He knew without a shadow of a doubt that you'd never do something to put her in harm's way, you'd never do anything to hurt her. And he wants to pull you into his arms and tell you everything will be alright, he wants to be there to anchor you down. To ground you in the midst of all these swimming and overwhelming emotions trying to fight for the upper hand. He wanted to be there for you.

"Is there anything that you need from me?" he asks gently, grief was harsh, it came in ripples and waves. It was gut-punching, it could be loud and then silent. Sneaky and then outright. It was a process, and whether anyone else thought so, if you needed to grieve the life of your pet, you should. Who was he to ever get in the way? He's gently rubbing his thumb over your cheek, your tears splattering as you kept the duvet pulled up to your chin, as you stared him down. He figured you must have been deep in thought.

It takes a moment for you to reply, and he's fine with the silence. You're tears haven't stopped, but they've grown more quiet. Silent tears that pool and trickle down his wrist and onto the blanket. You soon take in a shaky puff of air as you sit up. Aaron's patient as ever, watching as you pull your legs from underneath the blanket, crawling until you were sitting on his lap. There's no sexual undertone to your movements, you don't want to fool around, you just want to be close.

Your head rests against him, eyes closing as his arms envelop you. "Can you just stay with me?" you ask, and he's already nodding his head. You both knew it was an impossible request. At any moment you could get paged, or he could get a call about a new case. The world didn't stop all because you were grieving, but for one second you both could pretend. He could stay right here with you, and you could love him, and not feel so overwhelmed by all your sadness.

"I'm not going anywhere." he mutters, and he's reaching for your hand. His easily dwarfs your own, but it's still just as comfortable, letting your palms press against his own. "I have never lost a cat before-" and he's treading lightly, wanting more than anything to help you and not harm you. "But I did lose a pet when I was younger." he expresses, and your interest is peaked, just slightly.

"What type of pet?" you ask faintly, and you're squeezing his hand in your own. He knows that it's comforting you so he says nothing about the tight pinch of his fingers pressing together.

"He was a golden retriever actually." Aaron replies, "Nothing was particularly wrong with him. He was fed well, taken care of, treated like one of the family..." he proceeds, and you involuntarily hold your breath as you listen. "But one day he just... he just went." Hotch proceeds, "And when you're a little kid that's not in the best environment, a staple like a pet dog is important. Losing him was like losing the only bit of sanity I could cling to. Does that make sense?"

Your head nods, and you squeeze his hand again to show him you care. "And surprisingly enough, I found myself crying over it. Mourning this dog, an animal that was part of the family, but of course, was not my family member." he continues, and his chin rests on the top of your head. "The point is, him being a dog didn't make it hurt any less when he left. It's okay to be upset about Piper, she was important to you, special even." he whispers. "And you did a great job giving her all the love you possibly could." his eyes close then.

"I need you to know that it wasn't your fault. And keeping yourself up with thoughts of 'what ifs'." it's his turn to squeeze your hand this time. "And those moments where you... didn't want to play, or wanted to be left alone are not what she remembered when she passed on." he insists, and he won't take any arguments on the matter. "You gave her five amazing years, and whether science backs it up or not, she knew how much you loved her." he insists. "You might not believe it today, but I hope that you do in time." and he kisses your forehead.

It's butterfly inducing, and makes you cling all the more to him. "You're not by yourself." he adds, and you're glad to know it. You peel back, eyes locking with his, and they're glassy. You hate seeing such a grief-stricken look on his face, at your sake no less. It makes you lean forward and kiss him, in the hopes you'd manage to kiss it away. He kisses back instantly, and you're still sad, you probably will be for a long while, but you don't feel as lonely as you did an hour ago.

"I love you." you mumble the second you've pulled back, and this time there's no phone. His eyes are swirling with so many thoughts and feelings of his own, but you need him to know you mean it, and likely always will. You couldn't imagine anyone else being here with you like this now, nobody else that would care enough to grieve with you. He gives you a half smile, and kisses you once more, a much deeper kiss that makes you lightheaded and dizzy. Of course he had that effect.

"I love you too." and you're happy that he hasn't left you hanging. Your fingers trace his collarbones and cheeks, moving to cup his face with your right hand. You kiss him again, this time just long enough to get the message across. When you pull back, your head is finding it's place back on his chest, and his arms move up and down, rubbing gentle circles against your back, as he cranes his neck to kiss your head. It makes your stomach flutter, but it makes you want to cry too.

He leaves three gentle pecks on the top of your head, moving to kiss your cheek, before he's looping his arms around your waist with a palpable amount of admiration. He plants a sweet kiss on your shoulder, and mimic this action by offering him a kiss of your own. "Thank you." you exhale, and you mean it so wholeheartedly.

"You don't need to thank me, Y/N. We take care of each other, mon amour, remember?" and he recites your earlier words back to you. It makes you cling to him much tighter, tears returning to your lashline as Aaron pulls you even closer to him. "If you need to cry a little bit more, go right ahead. I'm right here." so you do.

Grief was a lot, it could be paralyzing, debilitating, and outright traumatic, but you knew even if it didn't feel that way now, in time you'd be okay. Part of you felt like you had Aaron to thank for that.

[vilevenom]

It's so nice to finally be able to release this into the world! Work, migraines and socializing made it take longer than it probably should have to finish. I hope everyone enjoys this incredibly self-indulgent, slice of life fluff fest ❤️ I do want to quickly note, though, that I've never played SA2. I did read a synopsis and did a bunch of research, though, so I hope nothing is too glaringly wrong? P.S - The final word count for this is over 28K. If you'd prefer, I'll be posting this in chapters on AO3 for easier reading. The link for my AO3 in in my pinned post.

Return to Innocence

Fandom: Sonic the Hedgehog (video games)

Pairing: Sonic/Shadow Warning(s): Description of injury

Summary: Watching Shadow fall from the ARK sat heavy on Sonic's heart. It was his greatest failure and regret to date. He'd thought he'd have to live with that regret for the rest of his life. It would seem that fate had other plans.

Sonic sighed as he trudged through the deluge of rain on his way back home after visiting with Amy. Tails had insisted he go out, despite the rain, since he'd apparently been 'moping around' since they made it back to Mobius from the ARK. He'd said that a visit to Amy should help perk Sonic up, since he usually found her bubbly personality refreshing and sweet.

It did not.

Ever since they'd returned home, when not otherwise preoccupied by the disaster of the week, Sonic couldn't help but let his mind drift back to the last few moments he'd spent in his super form those handful of months ago. He replayed the scene in his mind ad nauseum, substituting every action imaginable to try and think of some way the outcome could have been different. However, and as unfortunate as it was, without Shadow's sacrifice there would have been no way for them to push the ARK out of its crash course with the planet. That didn't stop Sonic from wondering what would have happened if he'd just reached out a moment sooner, though. If he had managed to grab Shadow's hand instead of his inhibitor ring, then maybe they could have both made it back home.

When Amy had managed to pry his thoughts from him (after much bribing with cake) she told him that there was little to no point in dwelling on the past, since there was no way for him to change it. She'd told him that he should do as he promised, and carry Shadow's memory with him, honor it, and do his best to move on. Sonic admitted that, despite Shadow brushing away his reaching hand, he couldn't help but feel like it hadn't been what Shadow had wanted, but what he thought he deserved after everything he'd done. Amy had sighed, filled his tea cup up with something overpoweringly floral, and told him that there was no way for him to know, since, once again, he could not change the past.

Her words did very little to dissuade his mind from plucking at the painful memories and replaying them on repeat.

Once Sonic felt that he'd spent enough time at Amy's to get Tails off his case for a good few days, he bid the pink hedgehog farewell and made his way out into the rain. She'd offered Sonic an umbrella, but he'd opted to stick to the vibrant yellow rain coat that Tails had forced onto him before he'd left, stating that he found the sensation of rain in his quills refreshing. Truthfully, it was more that he was hoping that the feeling of the water cascading through his quills and seeping into his fur would help to wash away the sticky feeling of guilt he carried with him for not trying harder to save Shadow.

His mind was so caught up in swirling thoughts of self-loathing that he very much almost missed the cloaked figure of a Mobian standing in his front yard, staring up into the sky as though it held the answers of the universe. He paused when he finally registered that someone was outside of his house, frowning slightly through the rain at them.

"Hey!" Sonic called, stepping forward, "You okay?" An ear twitch was Sonic's only real indication that the other had heard him, prompting him to continue forward, his hand outstretch towards the other's shoulder. "Hey, man. C'mon, my little brother is inside and you're gonna freak him out if you keep standing in the rain like this."

Sonic's hand didn't manage to make contact before the Mobian was turning, a flash of familiar red quills causing Sonic to freeze as though he had come face to face with a specter.

"…Shadow?" he whispered in disbelief, tears welling in his eyes as he let out a loud whoop, throwing his arms into the air, before wrapping them around Shadow in a fierce hug. "You're alive!" He pushed the dark hedgehog back by the shoulders, "Wait, how did you survive?" He blinked a couple of time before shaking his head and yanking the other back into a hug, "Oh, man, it doesn't even matter! This is so way past cool!" He let out a hysterical little laugh, a bit amazed that Shadow hadn't shoved him away by now, but couldn't bring himself to care much. The guilt and remorse that had been swirling inside him for months now would finally stop.

"I'm sorry," Shadow murmured, catching Sonic off guard with how soft his voice sounded, "But…do I know you?"

That made Sonic reel back, holding Shadow at arms length. "I-…C'mon, Shads," Sonic snorted, crooked grin working its way across his muzzle, "It's not like you to joke."

"I'm afraid I'm not joking," Shadow stated with a short shake of his head, "My apologies, since it does seem that you know who I am. But…I'm afraid I can't recall who you are."

Sonic let his arms drop, his head shaking slightly as he took a short step back. "It-it's me! Sonic? Fastest thing alive? The blue blur?" he gestured at himself, striking a little pose. When Shadow simply shook his head again with a small shrug, Sonic sighed and let his shoulders drop. "The faker?" he offered flatly, arching an eyebrow at the other. When he was still met with a blank stare he sighed, moving to loop his arm around Shadow's elbow. "You know what? It's probably the yellow rain coat. Very off brand for me. Let's just get you inside and dried off, and maybe seeing me in all my unobstructed glory will jog your memory."

"Alright," Shadow said tentatively, allowing Sonic to drag him into the house.

Once inside, Sonic helped Shadow take off his cloak, hanging it up next to his jacket, before he kicked off his shoes and rushed off to fetch towels from the bathroom. When he returned, he found Shadow standing exactly where he'd left him, dripping water onto the rug in the entryway and looking rather confused. Sonic snorted quietly, offering Shadow a towel and nodding towards the living room.

"Take your shoes off and come inside. I promise not to bite," he joked, grin only widening at the slightly alarmed look Shadow shot him.

"I haven't been invited inside someone's home before, t my knowledge. Should I be wary of being bitten by others?" the hybrid asked, carefully rubbing the towel into his quills as he toed his shoes off.

"What? No," Sonic chuckled, waving a hand at Shadow, "It's just a joke. Man, you really were grown in a tube, weren't you?"

"…Was I?"

That gave Sonic pause, stopping to stare at Shadow who was staring right back with a perplexed look of his own. "Do you really not remember?" Shadow shook his head for the third time in what felt like as many minutes, and Sonic had to take a moment to truly take stock of the situation. Up until they were saving the planet, Shadow had been harsh, brash, confident, and violent. He'd been stilted in nearly every interaction he'd had with Sonic, and although he couldn't say for certain, he had a funny feeling that there would have been no way that Shadow would have let anyone touch him, let alone embrace him. But the Shadow now standing in front of him? He'd let Sonic hug him, drag him into his home, was calm and polite, and had just kicked off his skates without a thought when Sonic told him to. "This might be a more serious situation than I thought," he muttered to himself, turning his head to shout into the house, "TAILS!"

"Who or what is a Tails?" Shadow intoned quietly behind Sonic as a racket exploded from the direction of the garage and footsteps quickly approached the living room.

"I didn't break anything this time!" Tails called back as his footsteps approached. He appeared in the doorway of the living room, soot smeared across his cheek. "What's up?" he asked, the grin that had been on his face when he'd appeared slipping away upon seeing Shadow stood in their living room. "Shadow?!"

"Hmm. It would seem that found my way to the right place," Shadow commented idly, draping his borrowed towel around his neck.

"Where…How?!" Tails asked, turning to Sonic even as he gestured wildly at the hybrid.

"Your guess is as good as mine, little bro," Sonic offered with a shrug, "But I think something happened when he fell from orbit. He says he doesn't remember who I am, and he's acting…different."

"Different how?"

"Just…I mean, he's standing in our living room, calmly drying himself off with one of our towels. I would think that'd be a big enough indication that he's a bit off," Sonic snorted, cocking his hip and folding his arms over his chest.

"I mean…That could just be how he acts when he's not being brainwashed by a mad scientist, you know," Tails scoffed, mirroring Sonic's posture.

"…'He' is standing right here, you know. And is, quite frankly, finding this conversation a bit concerning."

At the quiet comment, both Sonic and Tails turned to Shadow with twin looks of apology on their faces.

"Sorry, Shads. Didn't mean to talk about you like you weren't here," Sonic offered, clapping his hands together with a wince.

"Yeah. Uhm, sorry about that. I just…okay. We'll approach this scientifically," Tails added, placing his hands on his hips, "So…We'll start with some simple questions. What do you remember?"

Shadow hummed quietly, shuffling his feet slightly. "Well…I remember the feeling of falling…and then not much? I think someone was carrying me? After that, the next thing I can recall is…walking."

"Walking? That's it?" Tails asked with a frown, tilting his head slightly.

"A lot of walking, yes. I've been walking for some time. And, I know this may sound somewhat odd, but something was compelling me to come here," Shadow finished, looking between the fox kit and Sonic.

"Huh," Tails stated bluntly, while Sonic just stared at Shadow with an odd look on his face. "That's….well, it is weird. But, maybe you feeling a compulsion to come here has something to do with the Chaos Emeralds? After all, if your last memory is falling before walking here, that was just after you and Sonic used the Chaos Emeralds to go super and save the planet. I think we'll need to talk to Knuckles about this."

"Save the planet…? Are we heroes?" Shadow murmured, seemingly mostly talking to himself, though Sonic did offer him a lopsided grin and a short nod.

"We sure are, Shads! Averted a whole global crisis," Sonic said happily, glancing quickly out the front window at the rain still pouring outside. "And if we do wanna go see Knuckles, we're gonna have to wait until after this storm passes. There's no way we're taking the Tornado out in this."

"Mmm, true," Tails sighed, tapping at his chin. "Well…in the meantime, then, Shadow?" The dark hedgehog tipped his head to show he was listening, "Do you mind coming with me to the garage? My work station is out there, and I have some equipment I can use to see if maybe your memory loss is due to hitting your head."

A short battery of basic tests later, with Sonic standing to the side and anxiously tapping his foot, offered the predicted results that Shadow had hit his head hard enough to cause memory loss. There didn't seem to be any other lasting damage, however, which was a bit of a relief to the three Mobians huddled around Tails' computer screen.

"So…what does this mean for me? In regards to my memory, that is," Shadow asked once Tails had read his findings off from the screen.

"Well," Tails hummed, rocking back in his chair, "Honestly, it's really hard to say. Brain trauma is funny that way. They could come back on their own over time, or they may never come back at all. Only time will tell. It is kind of weird, though, since your files indicted you had advanced healing abilities. I'm sort of surprised something like a bump on the head would lead to this, with that in mind."

"That's not overly reassuring, if I'm being honest," Shadow sighed, rubbing at the bridge of his nose.

"Hey, it's okay, Shads," Sonic said, stepping up to place a comforting hand on the hybrid's shoulder, "You can stay here as long as you need while we try to figure everything out. We'll help you."

"We will?"

"Well, I will," Sonic snorted, kicking Tails' chair so it rolled across the garage floor, earning a peel of laughter from the fox kit.

"Thank you, Sonic," Shadow breathed, placing his hand over Sonic's on his shoulder and offering the blue hedgehog a small smile, "I appreciate it."

Sonic couldn't help but be somewhat dumbfounded at the appearance of the smile on Shadows face, catching himself after a moment of staring and tearing his eyes away to watch Tails jump off his chair and push it back towards his desk. "Y-yeah! Sure, of course! Anytime." He cleared his throat after a moment, finally taking note of the clock on Tails' computer. "Oh, hey, why don't we go make some dinner?"

"Promise not to burn the kitchen down?" Tails quipped with a grin, dodging Sonic's half-hearted kick with a laugh.

"I can certainly help," Shadow offered, pausing for a moment as he rose from his seat, "Not in burning the kitchen down, but with cooking."

"Look at this guy," Sonic chuckled, wrapping an arm around Shadow's shoulders and directing him towards the door into the house, "He's got jokes!"

"I wasn't joking?"

"That makes it even funnier, Shads."

The two walked back into the house, a quiet, thoughtful hum leaving Shadow after a moment. "Why do you call me that?"

"Huh?" Sonic replied rather eloquently, turning his head slightly as they walked into the kitchen, "Call you what?"

"Shads."

"Oh! Uh…it's a nickname."

"A nickname?"

"Yeah. A shortened version of your name? I started calling you that pretty shortly after we first met," Sonic explained, picking dishes and utensils out of cupboards and drawers to start making pizza - one of the few foods he could manage without destroying the kitchen.

"I see," Shadow hummed, watching Sonic intently, "Do you have one?"

"A nickname? Not really. A few monikers that the press like to use, but my name is already pretty short, y'know? There's not much you can really do with 'Sonic'," he replied with an easy shrug, setting a canister of flour on the counter, "Why?"

"Just curiosity, I suppose. It's odd. I can remember basic things, like the alphabet, basic math, things like that. But, other concepts that seem rather straight forward, like 'nicknames' I don't have any recollection of. Is that strange?"

Sonic hummed in thought for a moment, measuring flour into a bowl, along with a handful of other dry ingredients. "I mean…No, I don't think so? As I gathered, you were born and raised on a spaceship, so I'm sure there are loads of things that you weren't taught because of that."

"A spaceship?" Shadow echoed, his ears perking forward in interest as Sonic passed him the bowl of ingredients, along with a spoon.

"Yeah," Sonic chuckled, pouring water into the bowl and quickly instructing Shadow to mix everything together, "Though, I guess less of a spaceship, and more of a space station? You can still see it sometimes, at night. Y'know…admittedly, we didn't know each other for very long before everything sort of went sideways, so I don't know a whole lot, but I can fill you in on the handful of information I do have?"

"Please!"

Sonic laughed lightly at Shadow's enthusiasm, dumping a can of tomato paste into a bowl, followed by a jar of sauce and a variety of spices. He racked his brain for all of the information that Rouge had dug up during and after the events on the ARK. "Okay. Well, like I said, you were born on a space station. It was called Space Colony ARK, and I say born, but I guess it was more like…grown? This scientist called Gerald made you to try and help cure his granddaughter. This was back in the 50's, I think? It's been, like, 50 years since then, and you were in stasis for that. Uh, but I'm getting ahead of myself, sorry. So, yeah, I don't really know how old you were when you became, like, conscious? But apparently you were schooled along side Gerald's granddaughter, and you guys were close. Her name was Maria, if I'm remembering right."

"Maria," Shadow repeated to himself quietly, his stirring slowing momentarily, before he eagerly looked back to Sonic. "What else?"

"Ah, well," Sonic hummed, setting the sauce he'd made aside to start chopping up some vegetables. He dithered for a moment, deciding that, for now, it was probably best to skip the rather tragic end of Maria and the way GUN raided the colony before putting Shadow on ice. And maybe the fact that Shadow was probably part alien. He cleared his throat, shrugging a bit. "A lot of the records are pretty scrambled and some of them were destroyed," not a lie, "so I'm not entirely sure what happened," a total lie, "but a few years passed with you living in the colony, and then you were frozen. I'm sorry to say that Gerald and Maria have both passed away since then, too."

"Oh," Shadow visibly wilted, turning his sad crimson gaze down into the dough in front of him, "So…Do I have any family left?"

Sonic paused in his chopping, reaching across the counter to give Shadow's arm a gentle squeeze. "I'm sorry, Shads. That I don't know for sure, but, I don't think so? There are no records that I've seen that would say so."

"…I see."

"B-but, y'know! That doesn't mean you can't build yourself a new family, right?! Tails and I were both orphans, and we're family now," Sonic's mouth ran before he could think about any of the words coming out of it, "And we've got all sorts of friends that are just like family to us, too. You can start building your own little found family, y'know? You can count Tails and I as friends, for sure."

Shadow lifted his gaze, fixing Sonic with a stare so hopeful that the blue hedgehog was pretty sure he would rather die than disappoint. "Really? But, you barely know me."

"I know what's important," Sonic said with a firm nod, "After you got unfrozen, some bad stuff happened, and you helped us defeat the bad guys and save Mobius. I know you have a good heart, and that's all I need."

"Thank you, Sonic," Shadow murmured, his voice thick with emotions that Sonic feared he may just break under if he wasn't careful.

"Of course, Shadow."

Dinner was a relatively uneventful affair after that. The pizza was only mildly burnt, as Sonic got too caught up teaching Shadow how to play 'Go Fish' while it was in the oven. The two had wound up squabbling over a card that Sonic had said he didn't have, but he had to, since Shadow held its pair in his hand and there were no more cards on the board. It was a playfully bitter discussion over dinner, with Tails cackling when he found the wayward card on the floor as they cleaned up the dishes, half tucked under the leg of the table.

"Just admit you were cheating."

"It's not cheating if I didn't even know it was on the floor."

"A likely story."

Tails snorted at the playful banter between the two hedgehogs, more than happy to see his brother back in the chipper spirits he was used to. He'd been worried ever since they'd come back home after the ARK, when Sonic only seemed to dip deeper and deeper into his own dismal thoughts. With Shadow back, it was like those months of wallowing hadn't even occurred.

"Well, I'm going to go back to working in the garage," Tails hummed, more than happy to leave Sonic and Shadow to their own devices to bond.

"Don't stay up too late, little bro," Sonic called as he wandered into the living room and flopped down onto the couch.

"I'll keep an eye on the time," Tails said, pausing in the hallway.

"That's a bold-faced lie if I ever heard one," Sonic snorted, shifting to grin at Tails over the back of the couch.

"Well…I'll try?"

"Not even close."

"I'll go to bed when you come bug me to?"

"The truth is all I ask for," Sonic laughed, sliding back down into a slouch.

Tails hummed, half hiding his grin as he watched Shadow move to sit next to his brother, and Sonic almost immediately flop over to lean into Shadow's space. It was somewhat odd to see Sonic being so physical with someone so quickly, but it was also refreshing. His older brother tended to keep himself well guarded, even around his closest friends. But there was just something about Shadow that made Sonic drop all those walls almost instantly. Perhaps it was the fact that Shadow had been the only creature that could keep up with him, or maybe it was the odd link they seemed to have now due to the chaos emeralds. Either way, Tails was just happy to see his brother happy, and quietly slipped away to the garage as Sonic began regaling Shadow with the merits of the 'Chaos in Space' movie series.

An hour and a half later found Sonic dozing off on the couch as the end credits of the movie rolled, listing to the side enough that he was leaning on Shadow's shoulder.

"Hey," the hybrid murmured, nudging Sonic gently, causing the other to jolt upright with a snort.

"I'm awake!" Sonic cried, before blue ears swiveled rapidly towards the deep, warm rumble of a chuckle that Shadow let out. Sonic blinked, surprised by the soft smile that greeted him as he turned his head to regard the hybrid curiously. In the time he'd known Shadow, he'd only ever seen variations of frowns, scowls and sneers on the other's face, but he had to admit that a smile truly suited him.

"You should, perhaps, think about going to bed? If you're falling asleep, I can only imagine that Tails is already passed out," Shadow hummed, tilting his head in the direction of the garage.

"Yeah," Sonic said slowly, taking a moment to commit the soft look on Shadow's face to memory before he shoved himself off the couch, stretching with a groan and a pop of his spine. "I'll go shuffle him off to bed. Uh," he paused, realizing they hadn't actually discussed where Shadow was going to sleep. "Sorry, it just occurred to me, but, uh…do you mind sleeping on the couch? We don't have a guest room, so it's the only extra space we have."

"I'm more than happy to accept any space you can make for me," Shadow replied with a small nod of his head.

"Cool! Great, uhm," Sonic stuttered, not particularly sure why he suddenly felt like there were butterflies swarming in his gut as Shadow continued to smile at him so warmly, "I'll bring some blankets and stuff back down for you in a minute, okay?"

"I'll be here."

"You sure will," Sonic chirped back, feeling stupid about the words as soon as they left his mouth, quickly exiting the room. He questioned himself quietly under his breath as he walked into the garage, unsure as to why seeing Shadow happy and calm made him feel so odd. The best way he could figure to describe it was 'fuzzy', and maybe 'fluttery'. Maybe it was because the last time he'd seen the dark hedgehog he was in pain and letting himself fall to his apparent demise, so perhaps seeing him so content filled Sonic with some sort of feeling of accomplishment? Though, he'd never really felt that way after saving any of his other friends. Maybe, then, it was the rush of relief knowing that Shadow had survived his fall, and Sonic hadn't truly failed in saving him? That had to be it, he thought to himself as he scooped an unconscious Tails into his arms and carried him up to his bedroom.

When he returned to the living room with spare blankets and pillows, he found Shadow placing the movie case back on the shelf with very bare hands. He froze, trying not to focus too hard on the way the red stripes on Shadows arms extended down to his middle finger, or the fact that there was only one golden inhibitor ring shining around his wrists instead of two, dropping his armload of bedding with a sharp cry of, "What're you doing?!"

Looking rather alarmed, Shadow turned to Sonic quickly, nearly dropping the DVD case he'd been holding. "Putting the movie away? Was that not the correct spot?"

"No, not that," Sonic hurried to say, scanning the room for Shadows gloves and swiftly scooping them up from where they lay on the coffee table, "Put these back on!"

Shadow took the gloves with a slight frown, tugging them on slowly. "May I ask as to why you reacted in such a way to the removal of my gloves? Should I not be touching things in your home without them?"

"No, it's not that," Sonic grumbled, rubbing at his flushed cheeks, "I guess that's just another thing you wouldn't have learned up on the ARK. Mobians don't generally show their hands or feet to people who they aren't close to. Usually close friends, family, or partners."

"Why is that?" Shadow asked, now looking even more confused, and perhaps slightly hurt. "Did you not say that I could count you and Tails as friends?"

"Y-yes! That's not-" Sonic grunted, pressing the heel of his palm to his forehead, "It's more because you've only been here for, like, a day. It's a trust thing, y'know? Not that I don't find it real flattering that you'd trust Tails and I so readily, but hand and feet pads are the softest spot on a Mobians body, so folks don't tend to just show 'em off, y'know? It's, like, a tender area? Private, I guess? You should really only be taking your gloves off around someone you really trust or have known for a long time."

"Oh! Oh, I see," Shadow hummed, rubbing his thumb absently against the palm of his hand, "It's a modesty thing. Like, ah, clothing for humans?"

"Yeah, exactly," Sonic huffed, dragging his fingers through his quills. "Sorry for reacting like that, by the way. It just sort of caught me off guard."

"It's alright. I'm sorry for my inappropriate behavior. Intentional or not. I only removed them as I thought we were preparing for sleep. I thought it might be more comfortable without them."

"No sweat, Shads. I just gotta remember that a lot of stuff is probably gonna be culture shock for you," Sonic hummed, clapping his hands together, "Anyway! I brought all the extra blankets we had upstairs. I don't know how cold it might get down here, and I know at least one of the blankets is deceptively scratchy, so I figured I may as well bring them all."

Shadow chuckled, moving around the couch to gather the blankets from the floor, draping them over the back of the couch. "Thank you. That was very thoughtful."

"I do my best." With that, Sonic bid Shadow good night and headed up to his room.

Come morning, Sonic woke to the sweet smell of pancakes filling the air. He rose drowsily, figuring Tails must have gotten up early to try his hand at making breakfast for their guest. The kit was becoming a deft hand at cooking, and Sonic was more than pleased, since that meant he didn't have to tempt the fates by using the stove as often. He trotted down the stairs, yawning and stretching his arms over his head as he entered the kitchen. "It smells great in here!"

"Thank you. I hope they taste as good as they smell."

Sonic paused in the doorway, fully not having expected to find Shadow wearing Sonic's rarely used red apron with a spatula in his hand and pancake batter smeared across his cheek. He smiled warmly at Sonic, and something about the simple, domestic sight made Sonic's cheeks heat and his heart give a wayward thump in his chest. He shook his head quickly and cleared his throat when he realized he was staring. "I'm sure they do," he quickly reassured, moving to sit at the kitchen table, watching as Shadow flipped a couple of finished pancakes onto a plate.

"I hope you don't mind that I took the liberty to make breakfast this morning," the hybrid commented, carefully pouring batter into the pan.

"Not at all," Sonic hummed, propping his chin in the palm of his hand, "Though, I am curious…how did you know where everything was? Or how to make pancakes, for that matter?"

"Ah," Shadow chuckled, turning to face Sonic with a lopsided smile, "I memorized the kitchen last night when we were making dinner. And I noticed a small shelf of cook books last night, as well. When I got up this morning I flipped through them until I found the relatively simple recipe for pancakes, which I knew you had all of the ingredients for. I thought it may be an appropriate gesture, as thanks, for allowing me to stay on your couch."

"That's real nice of you, Shads," Sonic said, "But, y'know, you don't have to try and repay us. I'm just happy to see you alive, honestly."

Shadow made a pleased little humming sound, nodding slightly as he turned back to the stove. "Even still. I wish to be of some use, even if it's as simple as making breakfast, while you're helping me. It feels…right. To help."

Sonic opened his mouth to reply, only to be interrupted as Tails came careening into the kitchen. "I told you not to try and make pancakes again, Sonic!" he all but shrieked, before he realized that the wrong colored hedgehog was stood at the stove. "…Oh." He glanced between the two, huffing quietly at Sonic's grin of amusement, before offering an apologetic smile to Shadows alarmed expression. "Sorry. The last time Sonic tried to make pancakes he somehow started a grease fire in the pan, and then tried to put it out with water."

"…How? There isn't even any grease used in this recipe?" Shadow asked, arching a brow at the blue hedgehog.

"Talent," was all Sonic had to say for himself with a shrug.

Breakfast went smoothly after that, aside from Tails insisting that Shadow try to add mint chips to his pancakes and the candy melting to the bottom of the pan, causing a rather hard mess to clean. Luckily, Shadow had made more than enough for the three of them before the burnt sugar fiasco, so they simply left the pan in the sink to soak. It was while Shadow was trying to scrub said pan clean after the trio had finished eating, Tails had gone off to the garage, and Sonic was putting the cleaned dishes away that an unexpected knock came from the door.

"I'll be right back, Shads," Sonic hummed, tossing the dish towel over his shoulder, "Why don't you just let that thing sit to soak some more?"

"It is a challenge I will not back down from," Shadow grunted, gritting his teeth as he scrapped the scouring pad against the metal.

"Whatever floats your boat, then," Sonic snorted, before trotting off to the front door as another knock sounded. "I'm coming, I'm coming!" When he opened the door he wasn't quite sure who he had been expecting, but it certainty wasn't Amy in a bright pink raincoat with a picnic basket over her arm.

"Good morning!" she chirped, pushing in past Sonic without waiting to be invited inside, "I thought I would come by with some muffins for breakfast! You still seemed pretty down yesterday when you left, so I figured I'd pop by to see if I couldn't brighten your spirits a bit more." She carefully set her basket down before taking off her raincoat and boots. "Where's Tails? I brought him some mint chocolate muffins!"

"Hiya, Amy," Sonic hummed, unable to help himself as he rolled his eyes, though it was fond. He shut the door and turned to her just as she picked her basket back up. "The kid's already in the garage tinkering away on whatever gizmo or gadget currently has his interest. Though, I think we'll save the muffins for later. We had a pretty big breakfast this morning."

"Oh? What did you have?" Amy asked, tilting her head curiously.

"Pancakes."

"And how burnt is the stovetop this time?"

"I'll have you know that I did not do the cooking, so the stove is perfectly intact. Though, I'm pretty sure we're going to need to replace the frying pan."

"I have good news for you," Shadows voice carried from the kitchen, before he appeared in the hallway with a triumphant little smirk, "You won't need to replace the pan."

Amy gaped at the appearance of the hybrid, her basket of muffins hitting the floor with a quiet crunch of wicker. "Shadow?!"

"Good morning," Shadow offered with a slight nod of his head.

"You…We thought you died!" she cried, hands clutched to her chest.

"I can understand where that miscommunication happened, but I assure you that I am very much alive."

"Wh-how?!"

Sonic stepped around Amy, snagging her fallen basket from the floor as he went, and stopping next to Shadow with a grin. "He showed up in the front yard when I was on my way home from your place yesterday."

"That doesn't explain how!" Amy retorted, taking a step forward, "You fell from orbit! There's no way you could have survived that."

"Well, he did," Sonic snorted, a light frown on his face, "He's standing right in front of you, isn't he?"

"No need to get defensive for me, Sonic," Shadow sighed, reaching up to snag the dish towel from the blue hedgehog's shoulder. "Truth be told," he offered to Amy, "I don't remember how I survived." He then turned and walked back into the kitchen, setting to work finishing off with the last of the dishes.

Amy quickly stepped to Sonic's side, grabbing his wrist to stop him just before he followed after Shadow into the kitchen. "Are you sure that's Shadow?" she hissed quietly, casting a quick glance into the kitchen as the hybrid put silverware away. "He's not some high tech robot sent by Eggman, is he?"

"Tails ran tests on him yesterday," Sonic grumbled, pulling his wrist free of Amy's grasp, "He's Shadow."

"He doesn't act like Shadow."

Sonic rolled his eyes, letting out a little puff of air. "He hit his head. He doesn't remember, like, anything. Pretty sure he wasn't even aware of his own name until Tails and I said it to him."

"Well…how did he know to come here? That's suspicious, isn't it?"

"Chaos, Amy," Sonic groaned, shifting his weight to pop his hip as he swung the basket of muffins idly, "Tails figures it has something to do with the chaos emeralds, and how Shadow and I went super right before he fell. He's thinking Shadow felt a pull to come here because we were connected by that experience or something. As soon as the storm lets up we're going to head up to Angel Island to talk to Knuckles and see if he might know more."

"Okay," Amy sighed, fidgeting slightly, "As long as you've done your due diligence."

"Of course. Besides, if he was gonna try and kill us, he had more than ample opportunity to do it last night," Sonic joked with an easy grin, snickering at the way Amy's face went red, before ducking into the kitchen.

"That seemed a bit uncalled for," Shadow murmured to Sonic as the hedgehog placed the basket on the counter next to where the hybrid was putting the last of the plates away into a cupboard.

"What was uncalled for?"

"She's just worried about you," Shadow sighed in place of an answer, gently closing the cupboard, "You shouldn't be so dismissive."

"Eh, she's just a worry wart, and it's fun to rile her up sometimes," Sonic shrugged, though his ears did tip back slightly, betraying the fact that he did feel some remorse for his relatively brisk exchange with Amy. "How did you know what we were talking about, anyway? We were whispering pretty quietly, I thought."

"Mm, apparently I have quite good hearing," Shadow offered, leaning back against the counter next to Sonic, "But, to get back to the point, you're acting as though I'll take some great offense to what she said or her doubts, but there's merit in it. I showed up on your front lawn in the middle of a storm, claiming to have no memory. You have to admit that is somewhat suspicious, even if we did save the world together. I can only assume, as a hero, you have plenty of enemies."

"Yeah, I guess," Sonic muttered, ears fully pinned back in contrition now that he was being scolded, "But it's not like you are here to hurt us or anything. Like I told Amy, you've already had plenty of opportunity, and Tails did run tests on you."

"Yes, but had events not played out the way they did, you put yourself and Tails in danger readily, and without a thought. Perhaps you should heed her words more readily," Shadow countered, frowning slightly as he glanced around the kitchen. "Speaking of, where did she go?"

Sonic blinked, surprised at not having realized sooner that Amy wasn't behind him anymore. Which was probably for the best, given what he and Shadow had just been discussing. "I don't know?" he grumbled, before cupping his hands around his mouth and shouting, "AMY!"

"Wow, there's no need to yell," Amy said, cupping her hands over her ears as she appeared in the kitchen doorway with Tails in tow, "I just went to go say hello to Tails and let him know that I brought muffins."

"And to interrogate me to find out what I thought about Shadow being here," Tails hummed, slipping into the kitchen to dig into the wicker basket and pull out his mint muffin.

"What?! Tails! I had that discussion with you in private," Amy grumbled, folding her arms over her chest.

"You didn't say it was a secret?" Tails countered, turning back to the pink hedgehog once he had his alarmingly green muffin in hand. "Besides, I think Shadow has every right to know that you find him suspicious."

"Wha-Well, I-" Amy scoffed, cheeks flushed in embarrassment as Sonic snickered and Tails offered her nothing but a small shrug. Shadow simply looked mildly uncomfortable at the exchange.

"Anyway, thanks for the muffin, Amy," Tails hummed, sidling back out of the kitchen without a backward glance. Which left the three hedgehogs watching each other awkwardly.

"Amy-" Shadow began only to be cut of swiftly by the pink hedgehog.

"No! No, look…you suddenly appearing when we all thought you died just caught me off guard, and I'm a bit on the over protective side for these two. I know that. I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions like that, so I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being so suspicious when I should really just be happy that you survived after helping to save us all," Amy said, looking repentant. "I hope you won't hold it against me, and we can start fresh?"

Shadow let out a short breath, an easy smile on his face as he stepped towards Amy. "I would like that, very much. Though you really didn't need to go to such lengths to apologize. I can appreciate you wanting to protect your friends."

Luckily, in Sonic's opinion, Amy's visit didn't last much longer. With amends made to Shadow, she stayed long enough to riffle through all of Sonic's cupboards, reminding him that he should really have more fruits and vegetables in his pantry, and to offer a tarot reading to Shadow, who though intrigued ultimately turned down the offer. Soon after, she noted that she had promised Vanilla and Cream a visit, so she bid them all farewell with another heartfelt apology to Shadow, before leaving with a cheery wave.

"She seems nice," Shadow hummed as Sonic finally shut the door once Amy was down the front path.

"Yeah, she's one of my best friends. But, she can also be a total pain," Sonic said with a sigh, offering the hybrid a crooked grin. "Sorry about all that. The last couple of days must be getting to be a bit much for you."

"Mmm, that's one way to put it," Shadow sighed, raking his fingers through his quills in a familiar gesture that made Sonic smile. Little things like that gave him no doubts that the Shadow standing in front of him was the same hedgehog that helped him push space colony ARK back into orbit. Even as well tempered and warm as Shadow was now, he was still pretty obviously not a real people person.

The next few days fell into something of a domestic routine, as the rain continued to fall outside. Shadow took it upon himself to make himself home in the kitchen, ensuring his hosts enjoyed three square meals a day. The cook book he had found had gained a permanent spot on the kitchen counter, propped up with a tiny cactus plant that Amy had gifted Sonic ages ago and somehow managed to thrive in their rather haphazard household. Sonic had also decided that his apron was officially Shadow's, since the hybrid had worn it many more times than Sonic could recall ever donning it.

Usually when the rain lasted this long, Sonic felt a nagging, itching urge to duck out of the house and run through the torrent. However, every time he glanced into the kitchen to find Shadow with his apron tied around his waist and a kitchen utensil in hand, he found the urge distinctly absent. For the first time, perhaps in his entire life, Sonic didn't feel the need to run.

Until, of course, life forced him to leave the house.

"I gotta go run some errands - we're starting to run low on a few things since I haven't really gone to the grocery store in a while," Sonic grumbled, hands on his hips as he stared into the pantry.

"I can accompany you, if you'd like?" Shadow offered, tilting his head back to watch Sonic from his place on the couch, book held aloft in his hand.

"Nah," Sonic waved a hand though the air, already in the hallway, slipping on his shoes and taking his rain coat from its hook, "I'll be back in a flash! You just relax. Finish the book you've been reading."

"If you're sure," Shadow agreed with a small nod, wincing slightly as Sonic opened the door to the downpour still going on outside. "Be careful, at least."

"I'm always careful, Shads," Sonic said with a grin, earning a snort from the hybrid.

"Somehow, I doubt that."

Sonic simply laughed at the little quip, his heart light at the easy banter he had with Shadow. It made him wonder if, given time, he would have managed to garner the same sort of rapport with the dark hedgehog if he hadn't lost his memory. "Make sure Tails doesn't burn the house down while I'm gone," he chirped, dashing out into the rain.

With that Shadow got up and shuffled to the door to shut it, before turning to the living room to do as Sonic suggested and continue with his book. He had chosen it the second day he'd been in the house and was finding it rather dry and difficult to get through. He was debating on putting it back and choosing a different book entirely, as a thick tome of Arthurian legends had caught his eye the day before, but he'd wanted to at least try to get through the first novel he'd chosen before delving into that.

Sonic was gone for barely five minutes when the thunder began.

"Sonic?!" Tails panicked voice suddenly sounded much closer than Shadow was anticipating. He glanced up from his lackluster novel just in time to watch an orange blur zip past the living room entrance towards the kitchen, before turning and going upstairs. Another rumble of thunder sounded in the distance, and the orange blur bolted into the living room, nearly crashing into Shadow, who had gotten up and moved to the hallway to see why Tails was looking for Sonic.

"Is everything all right?" the hybrid asked, catching Tails by the shoulders as the fox kit looked around, obviously anxious and jittery.

"Where's Sonic?" Tails asked instead of answering Shadow, flinching as lighting lit up the living room window.

"He just went to go run some errands. He said he would be back shortly. Tails, you're shaking. Please, what's the matter?" Shadow gently steered the fox kit towards the couch, taking note of the way Tails ears twitched and swiveled at the sounds of the storm outside.

"I…It's embarrassing," Tails murmured, flinching hard at another rumble of thunder.

"Ah," Shadow hummed, nodding slightly as he easily put two and two together, "Would you like a distraction from the storm?"

"I had a distraction," Tails muttered, letting Shadow sit him on the couch, "I'm working on a new upgrade for our communicators. I just," he cringed at another flash of lighting, "I don't like…thunder and lightning."

"They are both rather startling. I can see why they would bother you," Shadow said with a small nod, moving to the book shelf, pulling out the book of legends he had been eyeing before Tails ran through the house like a small orange whirlwind. If this wasn't a sign to give up on his previous novel, then he wasn't sure what was.

"But I'm almost nine. I'm too old for thunder and lightning to scare me," Tails grumped, folding his arms over his chest as he slumped into the couch, tails curled into his lap. "I've read books about what causes them and I understand what they are. They shouldn't bother me like this."

"I don't think you're being very fair to yourself about this," Shadow stated calmly, settling himself on the couch next to Tails, book in hand, "You're still young, and even if you weren't, you're allowed to be scared of things. Thunder is loud and lightning is dangerous. It makes sense to be frightened of them."

"Yeah, I guess," Tails sighed, ears flat as he dug his fingers into the fur of his namesake. "I just don't like feeling scared like this. I've fought robots and faced the end of the world! The sound of rapidly heating and cooling air shouldn't scare me like this."

"Again," Shadow sighed, reaching out to gently pat at Tail's shoulder, "You are allowed to be frightened. Sometimes things just scare us, without explanation. It's perfectly normal. I'm afraid of heights."

"You are? But you have air shoes that let you hover?" Tails said with a slight frown, "And you can use chaos control."

Shadow tilted his head with a mildly confused smile on his face. "Uh…I'm going to assume those are things that would keep me from falling?"

"Oh! Right. Yeah. Your shoes, you can channel chaos energy through them to skate over the ground and if you push enough energy into them you can sort of hover or fly. Chaos control is an ability you have that lets you teleport."

Shadow chuckled, arching an eyebrow at Tails in amusement. "I enjoy how you said all of this to me as though I have any idea as to what you're talking about. But, I do believe that's a lesson you can teach me another day," the hybrid held his chosen book of legends up, wiggling it slightly, "Would you like to join me for a story?"

Tails eyed the book, his cheeks flushed from being called out on his mini ramble about Shadows abilities. "Yeah, okay," he murmured with a slight nod, trying his best to ignore the rumble of thunder in the distance.

When Sonic arrived home, mildly short of breath from running through the rain to get home as fast as he could, knowing Tails would not be doing well with the sudden and loud turn the storm had taken, he was pleasantly surprised to be greeted with the sight of Shadow curled into the corner of the couch, book in hand and Tails tucked under his arm, fast asleep. Shadow glanced up as Sonic stepped through the door, quickly gesturing for the other hedgehog to be quiet. The hero gave a short nod, setting his bags down, toeing off his shoes and hanging up his jacket in quick succession as quietly as he could.

"How did you manage to get him to sleep?" Sonic whispered once he was free and clear of his rain gear, shuffling into the living room, "Usually the only way to calm him down during a thunder storm is huddling in a pillow fort until it passes."

Shadow chuckled, quietly, shrugging only one shoulder so he wouldn't disturb the fox kit. "We talked a little, but mostly I read him stories from a book of legends."

"Oh, I could see that working. You've got a nice timber for story telling," Sonic hummed absently, sitting on the opposite end of the couch, reaching out to gently pet Tails' fur, smiling as his brother snuffled in his sleep.

"Do you think so?"

Sonic looked up curiously at Shadow's quiet question, his heart skipping a beat at finding the hybrid with a light flush over his cheeks and a tiny smile on his lips. He swallowed thickly, forcing a grin onto his own face. "Of course. You've got a really nice voice, Shads."

A pleased hum was Sonic's only reply for a moment as Shadow's eyes drifted down to watch the snoozing kit. After a beat he let out a little breath, glancing back up at the blue hedgehog. "This felt…familiar. Like I've done something like this before."

Sonic's ears perked forward in curiosity, his head tilting slightly. "Oh? Do you think it's something that you maybe used to do with Maria? Like, read stories together?"

"Perhaps," Shadow hummed, gaze a bit distant as he spoke, as if he were reliving a memory in his mind, "More like…comforting each other while afraid? It's vague." He grunted quietly, dipping his head, light frown on his face. "I'm sorry. I promise, I am trying to remember. Nothing seems to be very forthcoming, though."

"Hey, hey," Sonic cooed, reaching past Tails to rest a hand on Shadow's knee, "There's no rush. Tails and I are more than happy to have you for as long as you need. As long as you don't mind living on our couch. Besides, it's only been, like, a week. Not exactly a hardship, y'know?"

"It is surprisingly comfortable for being so well worn," the hybrid said with a small nod, only to shake his head a moment later. He lifted a hand to place it over Sonic's, looking contrite as he faced the hero of Mobius. "I just feel like I'm intruding, and not offering enough for taking up space in your home. If I could recover my memory faster, I would be able to get out of your quills."

"Well, that's the biggest load of bologna I've ever heard," Sonic hissed with a snort, "I invited you in, and I never expected anything from you. The fact that you've taken over the kitchen and make sure Tails and I get the most amazing meals that stovetop has ever seen is above and beyond anything I could've asked for. Don't push yourself, Shads. Seriously. You're totally fine."

Both hedgehogs glanced down as Tails grumbled something in his sleep, pressing his face into Shadow's fur with a soft whine. His tails twitched in his sleep, earning a soft laugh from Sonic. He rose and gently picked the kit up from the couch, rubbing his back as he groaned in his sleep. "I'm going to take him up to his room. Would you mind putting the groceries away while I do?"

"Of course," Shadow nodded, setting aside the book of legends to rise from the couch as well. He quickly stopped Sonic before he could get too far with a hand on his arm, flushing slightly at the look of concern Sonic gave him. "I just wanted to say…thank you. For your kindness, and your understanding. I know you knew me, before, and we were allies, but you didn't need to open your home to me. I appreciate it. Truly."

Sonic had to bite his tongue to resist his usual habit of retorting to sincerity with a quippy remark. He knew that doing so would only serve to push Shadow away, and that was truly the last thing he wanted to do. Instead he offered the hybrid a smile, hoisting Tails up on his hip a little as the kit began to slowly slip in his grip. "Anytime, Shadow. I mean it," he said simply, finally turning to take Tails upstairs.

While upstairs, Sonic let his mind wander as he tucked Tails into bed. The heartfelt comments from Shadow wanting to do more for Sonic and Tails made the blue hedgehog realize he could do more for Shadow. His mind wandered to the inhibitor ring missing from Shadows wrist, and the fact that he knew exactly where it was, and where it had been for quite some time.

He wandered into his bedroom once he'd finished tucking Tails into bed, his eyes instantly landing on his bedside table. He bit his lip as he walked over to it, slowly pulling the drawer out to reveal the shining gold band resting inside. Sonic had pulled it free of Shadow's wrist when he'd made a grab for the falling hybrid, nearly dropping it when he'd scrambled to try again for Shadow's hand. When Shadow had fallen too far out of reach and Sonic knew he had to get back onto the ARK or risk falling as well, he'd tucked it into his quills. He'd offered it to Rouge when he'd made it back, but she'd pushed it back into his hands with a shake of her head. Looking back on it, he was grateful to her for letting him keep it. Gently, he pulled it from its resting place and tucked it into his quills before heading back downstairs.

Upon reaching the bottom of the stairs he found the groceries gone from the hallway, presumably stored safely away in their proper places, and Shadow curled up in the corner of the couch again with the book of legends back in his hand.

"It's a pretty good book, huh?" Sonic commented idly as he rounded the couch, sitting himself on the opposite end to Shadow, "It's one of my favorites."

The hybrid looked up, a warm smile on his face. "It's quite good. I'm enjoying the stories about Sir Lancelot."

"Glad to hear it," Sonic hummed, his own smile not quite reaching his eyes as he dug into his quills for the ring. "Hey, uhm…do you mind if I talk to you?"

"Of course," Shadow said, snapping the book shut and giving Sonic his undivided attention without hesitation, "What is it?"

"First, thanks for putting away the groceries. And, uhm, second," he offered the inhibitor ring to Shadow, who simply looked confused as he reached out for it.

"Is this mine?"

"Yeah. It's a matching set of four. Uhm, I accidentally took it when I tried to grab you before you fell. I grabbed it instead of your wrist," Sonic muttered, watching as Shadow flipped it over in his hands, before carefully securing it around his wrist. "Do you remember what they are?"

"I feel like they're important? But not much more than that," Shadow offered, twisting his wrist this way and that, his gaze lifting to Sonic's after a beat. "What are they?"

"Inhibitor rings," Sonic stated, turning sideways and bringing his knee up onto the couch so he could fully face Shadow, "According to the files, from what I can remember, the guy who created you, Gerald, he made you with too much chaos energy - that's this energy that flows through pretty much everything on Mobius in small doses. If something has too much chaos energy, it can become unstable. In your case, you have so much that it could destroy you if you aren't careful. The inhibitor rings help to regulate it and keep you stable."

"I see," Shadow murmured, eyes drawn back down to the glinting gold around his wrists. He flipped his hand back and forth, a slight frown on his muzzle. "If you thought I was dead, and they're just some sort of dampener, why did you keep it?"

"Because it was all I had left of you," Sonic admitted quietly, tipping his head to lean it against the back of the couch, watching Shadow fiddle with the newly reacquired ring. "We didn't know each other for very long, but you were the very first person who could keep up with me step for step and blow for blow. I don't think you thought much of it at the time, but it was really pretty eye opening to me. Because of that, you became important to me, and when I couldn't save you, well…Having something, even just one of your inhibitor rings, really helped me get through some stuff."

"Sonic," Shadow's voice was hushed as he spoke, while reaching a hand out towards the other.

"Heh, yeah," Sonic suddenly cleared his throat, turning his head away and glancing out the window. "Oh, hey," he said quickly, rising from the couch and stretching his arms over his head, trying to ignore the way Shadow was looking at him, "it looks like the rain finally stopped. We should be able to go up to Angel Island tomorrow." He chanced the briefest of glances at Shadow, his heart lurching in his chest at the look on the other's face. Quickly he turned on his heel, hoping Shadow didn't notice the flush on his cheeks. "I bought ingredients for chili dogs, so why don't I go start working on dinner while you read some more? I've got a wicked awesome recipe that I think you'll love," Sonic said quickly, maneuvering around the couch and exiting the room as quickly as possible. Feelings weren't really his forte, let alone talking about them. He didn't see the way the hybrid fiddled with his returned ring, clutching it to his chest as Sonic disappeared into the kitchen.

Shadow let the conversation rest, deciding that, based on Sonic's reaction it would probably be best to let the blue hedgehog come to him, rather than push anything. It was pretty obvious that his death had impacted Sonic quite a bit, even if it turned out to be temporary. His current lack of memories probably wasn't very helpful, either. He wondered idly just how important he really was to the other before everything that had happened. He sighed quietly, turning his attention back to his book as Sonic had suggested until he was eventually called into the kitchen for dinner.

The next day found the trio heading into the small hangar Sonic and Tails had in their backyard, which housed the Tornado. Tails immediately ran to begin doing pre flight checks of the plane to ensure everything would be in full working order for their flight, while Sonic stood back with a pleased little smile on his face as he watched the fox kit work. Meanwhile, Shadow stared up at the plane as though it was the harbinger of his doom.

It took a few solid minutes before Sonic clued in to Shadow's trepidation, and even at that it was only because the hybrid had begun to shake slightly. He blinked in surprise, turning to Shadow quickly, hands in the air but not quite sure what to do with them. "Shadow? Hey, what's up? You okay?"

Shadow shook his head slightly, wringing his hands in front of himself hard enough for the leather of his gloves to squeak slightly. "I didn't realize we would need to fly to Angel Island."

"Well…yeah? What did you think I meant when I said we'd need to go 'up'? And the fact that we had to wait for the rain to stop?"

"That's a perfectly common phrase people use when traveling anywhere!" Shadow snapped, his ears pinning back as he continued to stare up at the plane, "People say they are travelling 'up' in a general sense, unless they're definitively going south. I just assumed that was the case! And I thought, perhaps, you just didn't like traveling in the rain. That's perfectly feasible!"

"Woah there, hey," Sonic tried to sooth, placing his hand gently on Shadow's shoulder frowning slightly as the hybrid flinched and hunched in on himself. "It's perfectly safe. Tails and I fly the Tornado all the time. You can even sit in the second seat instead of riding on the wing, okay?"

"On the wing?!" Shadow turned wide eyes on Sonic, his pupils barely pinpricks as his breath started to come in little gasps.

"Woah!" Sonic raised his hands in a placating gesture, "I said you could sit in the plane! Plus, you have your air shoes if anything goes wonky. You're totally safe, Shadow." He frowned when all he got in response to his reassurance was Shadow's gaze snapping back to the plane, the hybrid obviously close to a full blown panic attack.

"Oh yeah," Tails drawled, popping up from under the plane, a smear of oil adorning his cheek, "I forgot he said he was afraid of heights."

"What?!" Sonic turned an accusatory glare at Tails, "When was this?!"

"Uh…Yesterday? While you were out running errands. He told me everyone was allowed to be afraid of things when I said I was too old to be afraid of thunder, and that he was afraid of heights," Tails offered, looking a bit sheepish. "I kind of had other things on my mind at the time, so I sort of forgot."

"Okay, setting aside the fact that Shadow apparently remembered something about himself, we need to calm him down," Sonic said, waving a hand through the air and turning his attention back to the panicking hedgehog next to him. "Let's get him outside. Maybe not being directly in front of the plane will help."

"Right," Tails said with a quick nod, moving forward and waving his arms in the air to get Shadow's attention. It seemed to work well enough, as Shadow's gaze settled on him after a moment. Sonic took the opportunity to duck behind the hybrid and grab his shoulders, quickly turning him and steering him out of the hangar before he could properly register what was going on.

Once outside Shadow's shoulder's immediately dropped, his posture becoming more embarrassed than stressed out as his tail dipped and he ducked his head slightly. "I-I'm sorry," he murmured, half covering his face with a hand, his muzzle flushing, "I don't know what came over me. That was entirely uncalled for."

"It's totally okay, Shads. No worries," Sonic reassured, moving to stand in front of Shadow, pulling his hands away from his face. "Like you said to Tails, everyone is allowed to be afraid. Admittedly, it would've been nice if I'd known you were afraid of heights so I could've warned you properly, but we'll blame that on Tails."

"Hey!"

"You had an entire day to remember and tell me. Don't act like this isn't a little bit on you."

"That's fair, I guess…"

Sonic rolled his eyes with a chuckle, nodding his head towards the hangar. "Go finish up getting the Tornado ready. I'll stay out here with Shadow."

"Okay," Tails sighed, pausing as he passed by the embarrassed hedgehog, "Sorry for not warning you yesterday."

"It's alright. You were distracted by the storm. It's understandable," Shadow murmured, offering Tails a wobbly little smile.

With that, Tails dashed back into the hangar, leaving Sonic holding Shadow's hands and standing somewhat awkwardly in the yard. He chewed on his lip for a moment, trying to figure out what he could do to make Shadow feel better when the hybrid turned his hands in Sonics to return his grip. The blue hedgehog blinked in surprise, watching Shadow as the hybrid squirmed slightly under his scrutiny.

"I truly am sorry for how I reacted," Shadow lamented, gaze firmly on the ground, "I shouldn't have snapped at you like that."

"Seriously, it's totally fine," Sonic said with a light little laugh, "That was pretty low on the scale of negative reactions I've had to deal with."

"Still," Shadow murmured, giving Sonic's hands a little squeeze, "Perhaps you could explain to me how my shoes can apparently help me? That may help ease my mind, if I know how they're supposed to work."

"Oh, jeez," Sonic snorted quietly, pulling one of his hands free to rub at his quills absently, "That's gonna be a bit of a tough one, Shads. I only kinda know how they work, from those files I told you about? Uh…The best explanation I can really give you is that you push chaos energy into them, and they convert it into a sort of burst of air? When you use them it kinda of looks like you're skating on air."

"Tails mentioned something about that," Shadow murmured, his other hand sliding free of Sonic's as he looked down at his feet. "But, how do I do that?"

Sonic groaned, rubbing a hand over his face. "Asking all the hard questions today, aren't ya?" He sighed, tilting his head to stare into the sky, humming and hawing for a minute, finally looking back to Shadow after a beat, his muzzle scrunched in what almost appeared to be discomfort. "First you gotta kinda…feel the energy inside you?" he tried to explain, placing a hand over his chest, "Once you've got it, you just…push it to where you want it to go with, like, your mind? Mine's usually centered around my legs so I can run fast." He grunted, dropping his arms to his sides, offering Shadow an apologetic smile. "I'm not real good at explaining, sorry. I've never had to think really about it before. It just sort of happens."

Shadow screwed up his nose at the explanation, letting out a disgruntled breath. "That's not very helpful," he grumbled, earning a short laugh from Sonic.

"Yeah, I know. Sorry, again."

"It's fine, I just…that's very vague," the hybrid sighed, closing his eyes and rolling his shoulders back, "But I'll try." He frowned in concentration as he lifted a hand to rest over his chest, where Sonic had placed his own hand when trying his best to explain.

"That's it," he heard Sonic's voice approach, the blue hedgehogs warmth encroaching into his space, a shiver zipping up his spine at the sudden proximity, "It's kinda like feeling when someone is close by, but you can't see them. But with energy, inside you. Ehhhh, that's a terrible analogy."

Shadow couldn't help but chuckle at Sonic half babbling to himself, tilting his head in the direction he believed the hedgehog to be, while trying to ignore the way his heart seemed to thrum at the other's proximity. "If you're trying to be helpful, it's not really working."

"Fine, fine, I'll shut up. But don't say I didn't try."

"Noted," the hybrid snorted, shifting his focus inwards to try and feel what Sonic was talking about. He thought that, perhaps, he could sense what Sonic meant, an odd sort of fuzzy warm feeling in the center of his chest. When he tried to reach for it, it almost felt like it reacted to him, reaching back and pulling him in. Suddenly, what had started off feeling so small and warm was vast and overwhelming, like it was trying to consume him. He struggled against it, his face twisting in discomfort while he mentally grappled with the energy that threatened to devour him. It took mere moments in the physical world, but in Shadow's mind it felt like an eternity before he managed to wrangle the energy and bend it to his will. He pushed it, as Sonic had instructed, until it felt like something inside him snapped into place, his eyes opening with a sharp gasp.

"Heyyy! Shadow! Look at you!" Sonic's voice almost sounded garbled to his ears as he readjusted his focus to the physical world, squinting slightly in the bright sunlight.

"Wh-what?" Shadow grunted intelligently, blinking owlishly at Sonic as the other grinned widely at him.

"Your skates! You did it," Sonic said, pointing down to Shadows shoes, which were lifting the hybrid a few inches from the ground.

"Oh…oh!" Shadow allowed a grin to slowly creep over his muzzle, his tail wagging happily as he shifted back and forth on his shoes, watching as little sparks of red energy jumped from them, "I did it!" He experimented briefly with gliding across the grass, chewing on his lip as he figured out how to shift his feet to go in different directions, before seeing just how much energy it took to levitate himself higher into the air. He let out a joyous little laugh as he rose a foot or so up, doing a short pirouette in the air and turning a brilliant grin towards Sonic. "This is amazing!"

Although Sonic was elated for Shadow, he was truly more mesmerized by how light and carefree Shadow looked in those moments. Free of the weight of his promise to Maria and all of what had happened on the ARK, Sonic could see the kind of hedgehog Shadow could have been if GUN hadn't interfered. Under his usual gruff, cold exterior, Sonic now knew that Shadow had a soft, warm heart full of wonder. It made his own heart bleed, knowing that one day when Shadow inevitably got his memories back that all of this would drown in all of the darkness that had so unfairly been dumped onto him. He felt his smile slowly slip from his lips as he watched Shadow practically dance through the air, now perfectly understanding as to why Maria sacrificed herself for this hedgehog. He deserved to be saved.

"Sonic?" Shadow's voice brought Sonic out of his reverie, quickly shaking his head and plastering his trademark grin on his face.

"Sorry! Lost in my own head there for a sec," he laughed, propping his hands on his hips and watching as Shadow touched back down onto the ground, "So…you feeling better about flying now that you can work your shoes?"

"I…yes, I think so," the hybrid hummed after pausing to think for a moment, offering a short nod and a hesitant smile. "Though, I do still think I would prefer to sit in the second seat. But, please tell me it won't be a long flight? It doesn't exactly give me the warmest feeling, knowing you'll be riding on the wing."

"Hey, don't sweat it! It's how I always ride on the Tornado. It's more fun, in my opinion," Sonic said with an easy laugh, sliding an arm around Shadows shoulders and directing him back towards the hangar, "It's not too bad. A couple of hours, I think, at most. It's a floating island, so it moves around a bit. Sometimes the trip is longer the others, but Tails has a tracker thingy that he made with Knuckles, so he can always find it pretty easily."

With that, the trio embarked upon the Tornado towards Angel Island. For the most part Shadow clung to the seat belts strapped over his shoulders and kept his eyes shut, but sometimes Sonic would glance back and find him staring off in awe at mountains or a lake, eyes practically sparkling as he took in the sights. It made Sonic's heart do funny little summersaults in his chest, and he was really beginning to worry about what that meant.

Landing on Angel Island was always a little bit precarious, as even though Knuckles knew full well what the Tornado looked like by now, Sonic and Tails could never really be sure whether the echidna would lob a boulder at them or not. His mood and level of friendliness were always a bit tenuous at best, especially when he was actively guarding the master emerald. Today, however, seemed to be a good day, as Tails brought the plane down onto the surface of the island without any issue. Once parked, Sonic hoped down from the wing, grinning as he was greeted by a small gaggle of chaos clamoring for his attention.

"Hey, hey! There's plenty of me to go around," Sonic laughed, doing a quick little round of head pats while Shadow and Tails disembarked from the plane.

"And what are these creatures?" Shadow asked as he approached Sonic and the chaos, a light frown on his face as all but one of them scampered back to the brush at the sound of his voice.

"Aww, don't take them running off too personally. They're only used to a small handful of folks who visit the island, so they're a bit shy," Sonic reassured at seeing the look on Shadows face, offering him the one chao he had been holding, and therefor hadn't run away, "They're chaos! Only a few still live on the island, with our friend Knuckles. He takes care of the master emerald, and knows the most about chaos energy, since his clan has looked after this place for, like, forever. If we're lucky, he might know why you felt drawn to me and maybe the chaos energy around here will help you heal, and maybe with getting your memories back."

Shadow gave a small nod of understanding, eyeing the chao in Sonic's hands. It was cute, by all rights, its tiny pink wings flapping idly as it eyed the hybrid in curiosity. Tentatively, Shadow offered his own hand to the little creature, somewhat startled as it hopped onto his palm and let out a contented sounding little chirrup.

"Aww, it likes you," Tails giggled from Shadows right, having just finished up with securing the Tornado.

"It's kinda rare for them to warm up to someone new so fast," Sonic commented idly, though he couldn't help the smile on his face as he watched Shadow carefully bring the little chao to his chest and cradle it as if it were fragile. In return, the chao snuggled into the hybrids chest fur, causing Shadow to let out the most adorable sound of surprise Sonic was certain he'd ever heard. As a matter of fact, the blue hedgehog hadn't even realized he was openly staring and zoning out until Shadow cleared his throat and Tails let out a knowing little snort next to him.

"Shouldn't we go find your friend?" Shadow asked, arching an eyebrow at Sonic.

"Oh! Yeah, right," Sonic cleared his throat and promptly turned on his heel to march into the forest, hoping that Shadow didn't notice the way his muzzle had flushed at being caught. "I'm actually surprised Knux hasn't come busting through the woods to find us already. Usually he's pretty on top of visitors."

The trio trapsed through the woods, the little gaggle of chaos following them like little ducklings, while the one in Shadows hands fell asleep against his chest. When they finally broke through the tree line near the shrine of the master emerald they were surprised to find someone standing with Knuckles on the main platform. Namely, one Rouge the bat, currently arguing with the guardian over something the trio couldn't hear from where they stood.

"Oh man," Sonic said with a grin, turning to carefully take the snoozing chao from Shadow's grip, much to the hybrid's confusion. "Just trust me," he said as his only explanation, before turning towards the platform again. "Hey, Rouge!" he shouted, letting the awake and now disgruntled chao jump from his hands as he shouted, "Come see who I found!"

In unison the two on the platform turned, Knuckles obviously scowling, while Rouge's hands went to her face in surprise, before she, quite literally, came flying off the platform. "Shadow! You're alive!" Shadow grunted as the bat collided with his chest, wrapping his arms around her instinctually and sliding one of his feet back to keep them balanced. He shot Sonic a somewhat alarmed look, before he was pushed back by the shoulders and held at arms length by Rouge, his ears pinning back as she scrutinized him, picking at his quills and brushing dirt from his fur. "I can't believe it! And you didn't come find me first? What made you go to see Blue instead? That's so rude," she ranted at him, finally letting him go and stepping back once she was satisfied.

"Well, we were hoping that, perhaps, Knuckles could answer that last question," Shadow offered with a bit of a shrug, casting another pleading glance at Sonic, who simply grinned at him.

"That repugnant red ruffian? Why would he know why you went off to Sonic instead of finding me?" Rouge asked, tilting her head with her hands on her hips, narrowing her eyes at Shadow slightly, "I assume it has something to do with the emeralds?"

"We don't really know yet," Tails piped up, rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet as Rouge turned her attention to him, "It's my going theory, at any rate. Shadow lost his memory, and since there's a few month gap between him falling to Mobius and reappearing in our yard, there's a lot of questions that we're hoping to start answering."

"Lost his memory…?" Rouge turned back to Shadow who took a tentative step back when her attention came back to him, "So, you don't remember who I am?"

"My apologies," Shadow said, shaking his head slightly, "but, no."

"Oh," Rouge's ears drooped slightly for a moment, before she let out a breath and shrugged, "Well, I suppose it can't be helped." She paused, grinning a little as she quirked a brow at Sonic, "Wait…does that mean he's all soft and squishy now?" she gasped, "Is that why he let me hug him?!"

"Ha, yeah," Sonic snorted, only offering a smirk at Shadow's questioning glance.

"Oh, sugar," Rouge cooed at Shadow, squeezing his cheeks slightly, much to his obvious chagrin, "You're gonna be so pissed off at everyone when you get your memories back."

"And what makes you say that?" the hybrid asked, though his words were slightly garbled by the way his face was being held.

"Oh, just trust me on that one," Rouge giggled, finally letting go of Shadow's face and turning around with a huff when Knuckles cleared his throat loudly from the stairs leading up to the emerald's platform.

"What, pray tell, are you all doing on my island? And how did the black hedgehog survive plummeting back to the surface of the planet?"

"Real tactful, Knux," Sonic snorted, swagger in his step as he approached the echidna, the rest following shortly thereafter, "We came to talk to you about Shadow. He showed up in my yard unannounced. Wanted to see if you had any insight as to why."

Knuckles scrunched his nose up as Sonic approached, his gaze moving to the hybrid in question, eyes narrowing. "And why would I know anything about that? Did I not just question as to how he survived?"

"That's not really the question Sonic meant to ask," Tails interjected, jogging up the stairs to stand between his brother and the hot headed echidna, "Shadow lost his memory, and said he felt drawn to our house. I have a theory that it was because of their chaos energy, and their time spent in their super forms right before Shadow fell. We wanted to see if you could maybe confirm if that was the case, and if there was anything else you may think could be going on? Like, maybe if the master emerald was acting odd, or perhaps there's some underlying threat that made Chaos push Shadow to Sonic so they could work together to defeat it…"

Knuckles snorted, rolling his shoulders, arms folded across his chest. "There has been no noticeable disturbance in the flow of chaos to or around the master emerald. And your theory sounds feasible, and so the most likely explanation."

"Insightful as always," Sonic sighed, shaking his head as Knuckles shot him an incredulous look.

"Did I not just answer the questions the fox posed to me?! What more do you want?"

"Well, to be honest, I think we were hoping for a little more information or speculation," Tails muttered to the side, jumping slightly and ducking behind Shadow at the glare Knuckles shot him. "It's just, y'know, you're the one who knows the most about chaos energy and how it works!"

Knuckles sighed, letting his arms drop to his sides. "Unfortunately, there is nothing more I can offer. As I said, there have been no disruptions to the master emeralds energy. And it is, indeed, most likely that their time spent in super form has caused some form of bond to be created between Sonic and the black hedgehog. Their energies are likely linked because of their shared use of the emeralds, and so may feel compelled to seek each other out. As much as I know about the emeralds, there are still many more mysteries about them that I cannot answer."

"So, we came all this way for nothing?" Shadow asked, tone contrite as his shoulders slumped.

With another heavy sigh, Knuckles gestured for the hybrid to approach. "Not nothing. Perhaps communing with the emerald will aid you in the return of your memories."

"Oh sure, I ask to touch it and it's a big hullabaloo, but you just offer it to him without a second thought," Rouge quietly grumped as she followed Shadow up the rest of the stairs, put upon pout on her face.

"That is because if I let you near it you will try to steal it, despite its size in relation to you," the echidna snarked over his shoulder as he lead the way up to the emerald.

"Rude," Rouge grumbled, Sonic snickering next to her.

"Can't say he doesn't have you pegged, Rouge."

"Shut it, Blue."

"I do not know why I put up with the lot of you sometimes," Knuckles sighed, pausing just before the emerald. He turned to Shadow, gesturing for him to sit, "Sit here and close your eyes. Try to relax and focus your energy on the emerald. If chaos so sees it fit to do so, it will help you with your memories. The servers are the seven Chaos. Chaos is power… Power enriched by the heart. The controller is the one that unifies the Chaos." With that Knuckles turned from the emerald and shooed Rouge, Sonic and Tails away with a frown. "Leave him be. You three are distracting."

"Aww, you find me distracting, Red?" Rouge bat her lashes at the echidna, causing him to roll his eyes with a sigh.

"Banished, all of you."

Sonic snorted at their bickering, sauntering off to lean against a wall far enough away from Shadow that he wouldn't be immediately distracting, while remaining within his line of sight. Tails had disappeared almost immediately, so Sonic could only assume that he'd wandered off to poke around the temple a bit while Knuckles was preoccupied with Rouge, curious kid that he was. He watched as Rouge and Knuckles began to walk off as well, still exchanging barbs all the while, before he gaze was caught by slight movement in Shadow's direction. Turning his head he arched a brow as the hybrid quickly whipped his face back towards the emerald, his shoulders hunching slightly. Glancing back the way his friends had disappeared to ensure the two were gone to avoid getting scolded, he meandered over to Shadow, settling himself down next to the ebony hedgehog.

"What's up, Shads?"

"The sky?" the hybrid offered, eyes closed and chin tilted up towards the emerald.

"Haha, you're so funny," Sonic scoffed quietly, "I saw you looking at me instead of 'communing'. Something bugging you?"

Shadow let out a breath, opening his eyes to stare somewhat forlornly at the emerald. "I noticed that when we arrived here and met your friends your demeanor…changed. You were more dismissive and confrontational. I couldn't help but be curious as to why."

"Did it?" Sonic blinked, turning to look up at the emerald as well, rubbing absently at his quills. "Habit, probably? The way I am at home and with Tails, that's…I'm the hero of Mobius, y'know? My friends expect me to act a certain way, and so do the people of Mobius. When I leave the house, I guess I just sort of slip into that persona without realizing."

"So, you don't feel like you can be yourself around your friends?"

"I didn't say that."

"You just did. Quite literally."

Sonic let out a puff of frustrated air, glaring at the emerald. "The way I am in public and the way I am at home are both me. They're just different sides of who I am. Being more defensive when I'm out is a bit of a necessity. Robotnik could attack anywhere at anytime, so I guess I just sort of adapted to that over the years."

"Robotnik…is that the 'Eggman' you and Amy were talking about last week?"

"Yeah."

"…Is he the one we saved the world from?"

"That's…complicated."

"More complicated than trying to get a rock to speak to me?"

"Believe it or not, Shads? Yeah."

"I see," Shadow sighed, lifting a hand to rub at his forehead. "I feel like all of this would make more sense if I could just remember."

"Hey, like I keep saying, Shads, there's no rush," Sonic hummed, leaning in to brush his shoulder against Shadows. "Sorry if my attitude was off putting to you. It'll probably happen again."

At that Shadow snorted a quiet laugh, nudging Sonic's shoulder back with his own. "Good to know you'll at least be consistent."

"Eh, that's debatable," Sonic said flippantly, an easy grin spreading across his face at the way Shadow laughed at his comment, admiring the way his tan muzzle darkened with an amused flush in his cheeks. He idly wondered how infrequently he'd get to see that sight once Shadow got his memories back.

"Do I have something on my face?"

"Huh? Oh!" Sonic cleared his throat, turning his attention back to the emerald, hoping his own blush wasn't too obvious, "Sorry. Zoned out."

"Mhmm," Shadow hummed, warm little smile on his face at catching the way Sonic's face lit up. "Do you think we should thank Knuckles and go? I don't think his rock is going to speak to me."

"Hey, now," Sonic said, pushing off the ground to shove himself back up onto his feet, "You've been chatting with me and not giving communing with 'the rock' a fair shake. At least try properly for a few minutes before we go annoying the shit out of Knux again. I'll even go back to sitting in the corner." He turned to go back to the spot he'd picked previously, before pausing and glancing back at Shadow, "Try focusing on it like you did with your own energy earlier, only, y'know…in front of you instead of inside. It's the same thing, basically."

"I will do my best."

"You always do, Shads."

With that Sonic wandered back to his spot against the wall, while Shadow turned his attention to the emerald, closing his eyes and truly trying to focus instead of being distracted by the blue hedgehog at his back. Unfortunately, however, other thoughts began to worm their way into the forefront of his mind instead. Namely the way Rouge had told him he'd be angry at everyone once he had his memories back, combined with an idle comment Sonic had made when he'd first arrived about how him being calm in their living room was 'different'. He felt compelled to speculate about the kind of person he was before he'd hit his head. Obviously he had friends, with how eager Sonic was to help him and Rouge's enthusiastic greeting of him, but Amy had been suspicious, and Knuckles indifferent. He was fairly certain that Tails based his reaction off of how Sonic acted around him, since the fox quite obviously idolized his brother. True as it was that it was a rather small sample size, he couldn't help but feel unease.

Minutes passed with Shadow too preoccupied with his troubled thoughts to even try to connect with the emerald. Finally, he had to admit defeat and let out a frustrated breath, opening his eyes to give the softly glowing gem stone a soft glare. "This isn't going anywhere," he grumbled, turning to find Sonic tossing a stone idly up into the air and catching it repeatedly.

"Really? Still no luck?"

"No. I'm afraid my thoughts are otherwise occupied so I'm finding it difficult to focus."

"I'm not still being distracting, am I? I swear, I'm being as quiet as I can!"

Shadow chuckled, shaking his head as he rose to his feet. "No. My mind just keeps wandering and I think I'm overthinking it. Focusing inwards was much easier."

"Fair enough. Can't say we didn't try," Sonic said with a shrug, tossing his stone away and getting to his own feet. "Let's go find Tails and say goodbye to Knuckles and Rouge."

"I'm sorry we came all this way for, ultimately, nothing," Shadow sighed as they began to walk through the temple.

"I wouldn't say nothing," Sonic wrapped a reassuring arm around Shadow's shoulders, giving the hybrid a friendly little shake, "We got out of the house and saw some friends. Even if we didn't get any real answers, that's something. Plus! Now you know how to work your shoes again."

"I appreciate your positivity."

"Regular ol' ray of sunshine, me."

"Somehow, I doubt that."

Sonic couldn't hold back a peel of laughter at Shadow's snark, grinning the rest of the way to where Knuckles and Rouge were audibly arguing again. He couldn't help but be a little bit astonished at how easily Shadow could read him and caught his demeanor change when he'd only, technically, known Sonic for a bit over a week. Some of the friends he'd known for years couldn't even get that good of a read on him. It made his heart do that odd little staccato in his chest again. He shook his head and let his arm drop from the dark hedgehog's shoulders as they entered the room where Knuckles and Rouge were arguing, quickly whistling to catch their attention.

"Hey! We're gonna head out," he said, smirking at the annoyed look the two gave him for interrupting their fight, "I'm worried Shadow is going to go bug eye if he stares at the master emerald for much longer."

"It's barely been ten minutes," Knuckles pointed out, folding his arms over his chest, "That is hardly enough time to connect properly to Chaos."

"Yeah, well, we're the fastest creatures alive, right? So, we should be able to connect to Chaos that much faster, and it's just not happening," Sonic said with an easy shrug.

"You sure you want to stick with Blue, sugar?" Rouge asked, letting out a short laugh as Shadow pointed at himself and mouthed 'me?' at her in surprise. "Yes, you. You're more than welcome to come back with me to Club Rouge. I figure the Hardy Boys over there will be getting on your nerves soon enough."

"Hardy Boys?"

Sonic rolled his eyes, hip chucking Shadow lightly, but enough that the hybrid took a step to the side to keep his balance. "They're characters in a book series. Two brothers who solve mysteries. But we," Sonic jabbed his thumb into his chest with a sneer to Rouge, "are way cooler than the Hardy Boys because we fight robots and save people."

"Mhmm. And solve mysteries," Rouge pointed out, cocking her hip with a smirk. "Anyway…It's an open invitation, hun. You ever get tired of living in a pigsty with those two and you can come crash at mine, okay?"

"Sonic's house is quite clean," Shadow offered, his ears twitching at the way Rouge scoffed quietly in disbelief and Sonic shouted a triumphant 'HA' at her. "But, thank you for the offer. I'll keep it in mind."

"Make sure you do," Rouge nodded, before giving them a little salute, "Anyway, I'm off, too. This one won't stop giving me a hard time, so I might as well book it."

"Good riddance," Knuckles grunted, looking affronted as Rouge stuck her tongue out at him, only to return the gesture with aplomb.

With that Rouge rolled her eyes and flapped her wings, lifting up off the floor. She gave them all a little wave, taking off down the hallway that Sonic and Shadow had walked to get there, brushing her fingers through Shadow's quills with a laugh as she passed him by.

"Well then, if there is nothing else I can help you with," Knuckles stated, gesturing down the hallway, "Get off my island."

"Always the most gracious host," Sonic hummed, letting out a whoop of laughter as Knuckles ran at him, quickly racing down the hallway, the echidna hot on his heels. Shadow simply shook his head and followed at a more sedate pace.

The following days were spent peacefully back in Sonic's house, though he did drag Shadow out of the house more than once to go for a run, the two figuring out together exactly how he could skate with his shoes to go at top speeds. Most, if not all, of their casual runs became races, ending in the two getting into a friendly argument about who the 'winner' was, which thrilled Sonic to no end when Shadow got that familiar little scowl on his face and puffed up his chest in self-confidence.

Their blissful little bubble could only last so long before it inevitably popped, however.

"Looks like I need to make another grocery run," Sonic sighed, already slipping his shoes on in the hallway.

"I'll come with you," Shadow said, rising from his seat on the couch, where he'd been re-reading the book of legends he'd picked up weeks prior.

"You don't have to, Shads. It'll probably be pretty boring," the blue hedgehog said, hand already on the door knob.

"It will give me an opportunity to get to know more of the town," Shadow insisted, sliding his own shoes on, "And Tails told me to make sure you remembered to get him his mints next time you went into town. This way I can be sure they won't be forgotten."

"Oh, ye of little faith," Sonic scoffed, but opened the door and gestured for Shadow to step through it. He bit his lip once Shadow had passed him, wishing he had come up with a better reason than 'it's boring' to keep Shadow at home. It hadn't occurred to him the first time he'd gone shopping, but he was pretty happy Shadow had stayed home once he'd given it some thought. The people in town knew who the hybrid was. Most people around the country did. A small handful of brave news reporters had made sure that as much of the fight between Sonic and Shadow as they deemed safe was broadcast across the country. He could only hope that the months between then and now had dulled most people's memory and no one would say anything to or about the dark hedgehog at his side, and that the handful of interviews he'd done after stopping the ARK, regaling Shadow as a hero, would help change the narrative a bit.

Luck was apparently not on his side.

The first bit of their shopping trip had been uneventful, with a short race to the shops, and a quiet meandering walk through the aisles. Shadow added odds and ends to the basket Sonic was carrying, while they enjoyed idle chit chat about meal plans for the week. But then one loud mouthed child spoiled it all by blatantly pointing at Shadow while tugging on their mother's dress and loudly stating, "Look, Mommy! It's the bad man from TV!"

Sonic froze, while Shadow simply looked confused, looking around behind him to see who the child was pointing at. When he found no one else in the aisle but them, he turned his gaze back towards the child who jumped and ducked behind his mothers legs. He opened his mouth to speak, only to be cut off by the child's irate looking mother.

"You should be ashamed of yourself," she seethed at Shadow, who took a quick step back, shock blatant on his face at being snapped at without provocation. She shot a dirty look at Sonic, who simply scowled right back at her. "I don't care what the news repots said. Bringing him out here, during the day, while there are children around?! Reckless endangerment!" With that she scooped up her child and stormed out of the aisle, leaving a bewildered Shadow and a livid Sonic behind.

"Sonic? Did…What just happened?" Shadow frowned, turning to Sonic in confusion.

"She was just being…intolerant," Sonic grumbled, shifting the basket on his arm, "C'mon. We've only got a few more things to grab and then we can go home."

Gathering the rest of the groceries was easy enough, as they only needed items in two more blissfully empty aisles. However, the cash register was a whole other ball game. There were only a few people in line as they approached, but once one person caught sight of them and made a rather undignified sound of fright, that caught the others attention and they all scattered, leaving a rather nervous looking cashier alone at the front of the store.

"This is becoming increasingly concerning, Sonic," Shadow murmured, glancing around at where all of the people had run off to while unloading their basket onto the counter.

"Ignore them," Sonic groused, shooting the cashier a withering look as they half ducked behind their register. Did the people really not trust him to know when there was an actual threat around? Not only was he insulted on Shadow's behalf at this point, but a little on his own, as well.

"If you say so," the hybrid muttered, stepping to the side while the cashier rang in their items with shaking hands.

Sonic paid quickly once the total came up on the screen, snatching up their bags in haste once the transaction was complete. The way everyone acted, as though Shadow was a ticking time bomb, grated on his last nerve. He turned to storm out of the store, only to find Shadow admiring a display stand of plants near the end of the register, completely oblivious to the customers peeking out from behind aisles and displays to wait until he was gone to finish their shopping. He felt his shoulders drop from their tense position at the soft smile on Shadows face as he gently touched the blooms of a tall lavender plant, watching with rapt attention as the hybrid closed his eyes and leaned in to take a deep whiff of the calming aroma the plant let off.

"Did you want one?"

"What?" Shadows eyes snapped open and he turned to Sonic, quickly retracting his hand from the plant as if he'd been caught doing something wrong.

"A lavender plant? They're meant to be soothing. Did you want one?" Sonic nodded at the purple flowers.

"Oh," Shadow glanced towards the flowers briefly before shaking his head, gesturing for Sonic to go ahead of him out of the store, "No, I don't think so. I seem to be making everyone in the store nervous, and you've already finished purchasing everything, so I think it would be best if we left."

"I can grab it, it's no big deal," Sonic insisted, only to grunt as Shadow slipped a hand behind Sonic and began to gently push him out of the store.

"I appreciate the offer, but I would rather avoid any further…unsavory interactions," Shadow stated, only removing his hand from Sonic once they were outside. "I also now have some questions for you, Sonic. And I think they would be best to answer at home." He gently took the grocery bags from the blue hedgehog, shooting him a meaningful look, before taking off the way they'd come in a blur of black and red.

"…shit."

It had never taken Sonic as long to get home as it did when he finally got his feet to move. Dread filled his stomach at the thought of what questions Shadow could have come up with after their rather harrowing trip to the grocery store. He swallowed thickly as he jogged up to his front yard, slowing to a walk as he came to the edge of the property for what was probably the first time since he'd owned the house. Upon stepping through the door he found Shadows shoes neatly tucked next to the door mat in their usual spot, which was at least a good sign. At the very least, it meant Shadow didn't have an immediate plan to take off from the house as soon as he got answers out of Sonic.

"Uhm…Where're you hiding, Shads?" he called into the house, slipping off his shoes and tucking them next to Shadows.

"I wouldn't call sitting at the kitchen table 'hiding'," came the curt reply from down the hallway.

Sonic visibly flinched at the hybrid's tone, taking a quick, deep breath to steady himself before walking into the kitchen with a forced smile on his face. "There you are!" he tried, only to be met with a flat stare. "Right," he sighed, ears flattening against his head as he shuffled across the room and settled himself in the chair across from Shadow, "So…what questions did you have for me?"

"I appreciate you not trying to beat around the bush," Shadow said with a slight nod, lightly drumming his fingers against the glass of water he had sat in front of himself. He let out a long sigh, letting his eyes slide shut, obviously centering himself before speaking. "Tell me…did you lie to me?"

"About what?"

"About who I am."

Sonic screwed his nose up, brow furrowed at the question. "You're gonna need to be a bit more specific, Shads."

The hybrid growled quietly under his breath, opening his eyes enough to glare down at the glass of water between his hands as though it had personally offended him. It was a rather familiar expression to Sonic, and he hated that he'd put it there. "About me being a hero, saving Mobius, being-," he grunted, the leather of his gloves creaking as he squeezed the glass, "being your friend."

"What? Shadow-"

"Do not lie to me again, Sonic," Shadow growled lowly, his piercing gaze cutting to Sonic, "Those people were terrified of me."

Sonic felt his shoulders drop at Shadow's glare, sinking slightly in his chair as he watched the hybrids quills stiffen and bristle. "I didn't. Not…not entirely."

The distinct sound of glass cracking reverberated through the kitchen as Shadow squeezed his glass. "Elaborate."

"You did save Mobius with me. You were a hero! You did grow up on the ARK, and you were created by a scientist named Gerald, to try and cure his sick granddaughter, Maria, who you were close with. All of that was true."

"But…?"

Emerald slid away from crimson as Sonic could not longer bear to keep eye contact with Shadow as he continued to speak. "But…when you were first awoken from being frozen someone manipulated your memories, making you think you were made to destroy, instead of heal and protect. And you…you attacked the city. You decimated a couple blocks before we managed to stop you, but it had all been televised. A lot of people saw you do it, so they're afraid. I tried to do damage control when I got back home, telling any news outlet that would listen that you helped me, but I guess people didn't really care since it wasn't something they could see happening in real time."

"…Is that all?"

Sonic cringed slightly, glancing up at Shadow, who was staring him down intently, the spiderweb of cracks in the glass he was holding making it obvious it was about two seconds from shattering. "A couple reporters managed to get hold of some sensitive information before GUN, the Guardian Unit of Nations, could shut it down. You were created with the help of some alien DNA that makes you able to channel chaos energy more efficiently than almost any other person or creature on Mobius. You can throw spears of chaos energy and teleport, which was shown on television."

"So….people think I'm a monster."

"But you're not!"

"How can you be so sure?!" The glass finally gave way with a resounding crunch, glass and water spilling across the table. Shadow quickly stood, gasping for air as if he'd just run a marathon. Sonic followed suit, rounding the table in a flash with his hands held out to catch Shadow should the hybrid try to run.

"I know you're not because I've seen how you look at this world. I've seen how happy you are just to read a good book or cook a delicious meal, or to just go for a run with me. You're good, Shadow. I promise you, you are not what those people think of you."

Shadow choked on his heaving breaths, angry tears brimming in his eyes as he grabbed at Sonic's outstretched hands, squeezing just this side of too hard. "Don't make promises you can't keep."

"I can!" Sonic snapped, twisting his hands in Shadow's grip to lace their fingers together, "The chao!"

The abrupt change of topic made Shadow startle, his grip loosening as a few of the tears in his eyes gently rolled down his cheeks. "What?"

"The chao, on Angel Island," Sonic elaborated, "They won't go near bad people. They're actively terrified of Eggman. One wouldn't have fallen asleep on you if you were a bad person. Trust me, Shadow. Please."

Shadow hiccupped, swallowing thickly as more tears began to trickle down his cheeks, his expression softening. "Did I hurt many people?" he practically whispered.

"I'd be lying if I said you didn't," Sonic offered, his heart practically shattering at the way Shadow dropped his head, ears pinned against his skull as a guttural sob ripped from his throat. Sonic felt tears threaten to gather in his own eyes, but he cleared his throat and gave Shadows fingers another reassuring squeeze. "We minimized casualties, and all civilians caught in the crossfire made full recoveries."

Slipping his fingers free from Sonic's grip, Shadow wrapped his arms around his torso, seeming to shrink in on himself. "How can you want to help me, knowing all of this?"

"I told you Shads," Sonic murmured, reaching out to gently place his hands on the hybrid's shoulders, expecting them to be shrugged off, but pleasantly surprised when they weren't. "You're a good person. I fully believe in second chances. And you earned your chance. Those people out there, they didn't see you in those moments when we pushed the ARK back into orbit," he said, a slow grin forming on his face as Shadow lifted his head to look at the hero as he spoke, "I never knew anyone else could use the chaos emeralds to go Super. So when I called on them to give me the strength to stop the ARK, and they leant their power to you as well, it was amazing. The look on your face was priceless," Sonic let out a quiet laugh at the sheer surprise on Shadows face, "Yeah, kinda like that. Your strength and determination in those moments were inspiring. And I'd be lying if I said your quills didn't look pretty cool in gold."

A quiet sniff left Shadow as he swiped at his nose with the back of his glove. "…Really?"

Sonic snorted, patting at Shadow's shoulders, reluctantly letting his hands slide away. "Yeah, man. And I'm sorry I didn't tell you the whole truth, before. I just…I wanted to see you happy. When we first met, you always looked so sad or angry. It was nice to see you with a smile on your face. I wanted that to last for you as long as it could."

"I…I appreciate that. And, truthfully, I'm not sure how I would've taken all that when I first arrived, so I guess it was for the best that you kept it to yourself for a while. It just…makes me wonder if I really want to get my memories back. Knowing how miserable I was."

"Amy's told me, before, that being sad or upset about something just means you had something to be truly happy about at one point. Dunno how much truth that really holds, but I think you've got memories you'd regret not getting back. You helped me save Mobius for a reason, and I think part of it was some of those memories."

Shadow sighed, rubbing at his eyes and nodding slightly. "I suppose you're right."

"I know I am," Sonic said with a grin, gently punching Shadow in the shoulder, his heart giving a happy little thump at the tiny smile Shadow offered him in return. "Hey, I've got an idea! Why don't I organize a little party? There are a bunch of people I've talked to about you who I'm pretty sure would be excited to finally get to meet you, and I think we deserve to have some fun after all this. How does that sound?"

"…that might be fun," Shadow finally agreed after a moment, offering Sonic a short nod.

"Awesome! Let's do it to it."

Of course, when Sonic said he'd organize a party, he'd really meant he'd ask Amy to do it for him.

"I brought you your favorite ice cream!"

"…What do you want, Sonic?" Amy sounded exasperated, but she still took the tub of ice cream from the blue hedgehog, quickly trotting into her house to put it in the freezer, knowing full well that Sonic would let himself in. She turned once the ice cream was safely stored, folding her arms over her chest and cocking a hip at the sheepish grin Sonic offered her from the kitchen doorway.

"I was hoping you could organize a little get together for me?" he asked, casually leaning against the door frame.

"A party?" Amy perked up a little, "What for?"

"Well…Shadow's been having a bit of a rough time this week, and I thought it might be nice for him to get to do a little mingling that wasn't me or Tails, y'know?"

"I should've guessed," Amy said with a roll of her eyes, but turned to pick a day planner up off her kitchen counter.

"What do you mean you should've guessed?" Sonic pushed himself from the door frame, posture subconsciously becoming defensive.

"Oh, it's nothing really," Amy said with a little wave of her hand, flipping open the planner, "It just seems like ever since Shadow showed up he's the only one you've been spending any time with."

"He lost his memory, Ames! Was I just supposed to give him a pat on the head and send him on his way?"

"Hey, hey!" Amy shot Sonic a look, causing the hero to deflate slightly, "No need to get all huffy with me. It would just be nice to see you without your thoughts being completely otherwise occupied. It feels like he's all you've talked about for months now." She let out a little breath, looking back down at her planner, "Anyway…when were you hoping to have this party of yours?"

"You'll really put it together for me?" Sonic perked up, his tail giving a little wag.

"For a price," Amy chirped with a little grin, pulling a pen from the coiled spine of her planner.

"I should've known," Sonic groaned, tipping his head back, his shoulders slumping as his tail went limp.

Amy simply giggled at him, turning back to her planner and jotting some notes down. "Oh, don't be so dramatic. I just want to go on a nice dinner date. No chili dogs or pizza, and no talk about Shadow. That sounds fair, doesn't it?"

"A dinner date? Really, Amy?"

"What? Can't a girl want to spend some quality time with her favorite hedgehog?" Amy gave him a wink, before going back to her notes, not catching Sonic's blatant cringe. "I can only assume you have no idea of when you want to have your party, but knowing you, you're going to want it as soon as possible…And given how quiet Robotnik has been lately, I think this weekend is probably a safe bet, and that should give everyone plenty of time to make arrangements to get here." She snapped her planner shut, arching a brow at Sonic with a self-assured smile. "If that sounds agreeable to you, all I need is your acceptance of my terms, and I'll get started."

With a short sigh, Sonic gave a curt nod, returning Amy's smile with a small one of his own. "Yeah, okay. One dinner date, no chili dogs or pizza, and no talk about Shadow in exchange for one party."

"Great! I'll organize it for Saturday at central park, since that'll give us plenty of space. Show up for noon, I'll make sure there's food," Amy hummed with a nod, "All you've got to do is show up."

"Thanks, Ames. You're the best," Sonic offered her a grin, chuckling at the way she seemed to puff up at his praise.

"I know I am," she chirped in reply, before pausing to tap her pen against her planner, "Though, real quick…What does Shadow like to eat? Does he have any favorites? If the party is for him, i should probably know what to cater it with."

"Oh, uh," Sonic blinked, chewing on his lip as he racked his brain for food he'd specifically seen Shadow eat or ask him to pick up from the store over the last few weeks. Truthfully, he was fairly certain the only food he'd seen the hybrid eat were the meals he prepared and shared with Sonic and Tails. Which, although he was sure any of those foods would work well for the party, he wouldn't consider any of them 'favorites' for Shadow. That was, until he recalled one specific morning when he'd woken up earlier than usual and walked into the kitchen without Shadow immediately noticing him. The hybrid had been dumping coffee beans into the grinder to make his and Tails usual morning pot of coffee, only to pause and stare at a few beans in the palm of his head. Sonic had initially thought that there was something wrong with those specific beans, only to be mildly shocked as Shadow tipped the beans into his mouth and chomped down on them with an audible crunch and a hum of satisfaction.

Sonic grinned at the memory, focusing back on Amy, who was giving him an odd look. "Coffee beans," he supplied simply, resting his hands on his hips.

"…Coffee beans?"

"Yup!

"Uh…Okay. Coffee beans, it is."

Thankfully, the rest of the week went by rather uneventfully and the weekend arrived before Sonic even realized what day it was. It was really only because he'd happened to glance at the calendar tacked up on the kitchen wall that he realized that it was Saturday. He choked on the chaos soda he'd been sipping at, whipping around on his heel to look at the clock, his heart ticking up in speed at the time. Amy would murder him if they were late to the party.

"Heyyyy, you're not making anything special for lunch, are ya, Shads?" Sonic asked quickly, turning to the hybrid, who had a bag of bread in hand and a confused look on his face.

"Just sandwiches?" he offered, lifting the bag a bit higher, "Why?

"I just thought, y'know what'd be nice? Going out! We haven't really gone anywhere since that trip to the grocery store, and it'd be nice to get out of the house and give you some better experiences," Sonic hummed, shoving his half empty can of soda into the fridge.

"We just went for a run yesterday?"

"Yeah, that's not the same," Sonic dismissed quickly, snagging the bag of bread from Shadow's hands and setting it on the counter, only offering the hybrid a smile as he was stared down in mild concern. "Why don't you go put your shoes on, and I'll go grab Tails!"

"Uh…sure," Shadow agreed slowly, shaking his head as Sonic zipped away to fetch Tails from the garage.

A short crash and a rather explicit curse on Tails part were quick to follow as Shadow slipped his shoes on, the hybrid genuinely worried as Sonic appeared in the front hallway with a rather irritated fox kit tucked under his arm, and a bruise quite obviously blooming on his hip. Sonic had his shoes on in a flash and darted out the door, waving at Shadow from the front lawn as the hybrid hesitated in the hallway.

"C'mon, Shads! Let's juice!"

Shadow let out a little breath, deciding it was probably best to simply go with whatever was happening and deal with any potential fallout later, rather than try and question Sonic when he was obviously a bit on the manic side. Once the door was locked and the keys were safely tucked into his quills, Shadow jogged across the lawn to meet up with Sonic, who was running in place with Tails rag dolling in his hold, the fox kit obviously having given up trying to get free of his brothers grip.

"Try to keep up!" Sonic chirped, taking off with Shadow hot on his heels a moment later, laugher trailing behind them.

Their arrival to the park was met with a cacophony of greetings from the large gaggle of Mobians that were gathered. Amy had really gone all out in sending out invites and making sure people would attend. Besides herself, Knuckles, and Rouge, she'd gotten Vanilla, Cream with her Chao Cheese, Team Chaotix, Big, Princess Sally, Bunnie, Mighty and Ray all together in the park for the party. A real who's who of Sonic's friends, and none of whom that would cast unfair judgement on Shadow. Sonic beamed, returning the greeting with one of his own as he released Tails, before turning to find a rather overwhelmed looking hybrid stood frozen next to him.

"Hey…Shads? You okay? I know this was sort of a surprise, but I did tell you i was going to throw a party," Sonic offered, only just now wondering if, perhaps, a large party hadn't been the best idea, all things considered.

"I-Yes," Shadow gave a quick nod, absently fixing his quills as his gaze darted over the dozen or so people meandering and socializing around the handful of picnic tables decorated for the party, "Yes, I'll be fine. There are just a lot of people."

"Lots of people who will love you," Sonic reassured, slipping behind Shadow to gently push him towards the party, "You're polite and charming. That's all you really need. Trust me."

"Polite and charming. Right," the hybrid absently echoed, waving awkwardly with a small, forced smile on his face as he was greeted by the party goers.

Sonic managed to introduce a small handful of the crowd to Shadow, and got to engage in about ten minutes of conversation before he found a peach arm winding around his own with Amy sidling up next to him, a happy little grin on her face. He sighed, but made no move to dislodge her as she easily injected herself into the conversation Sonic had been having with Shadow, Vanilla and Vector. When a natural lull in the conversation occurred, Amy gave his arm a little tug, leaning around his shoulder to offer an apologetic smile to Shadow, who gave the pink hedgehog an odd look for the way she was half hanging off Sonic's arm.

"Sorry to interrupt, but I just need a moment with Sonic," she offered, wiggling her fingers in a reserved little wave, which Shadow returned hesitantly, obviously confused as to why the motion caused Sonic to let out a snort of laughter.

"Did I do something weird?" the dark hedgehog asked, turning to Vanilla and Vector who were now also chuckling.

"Nah, man," Sonic shook his head, allowing Amy to drag him away, "You're all good. Be back in a flash." He sighed as Amy pulled him away, casting one last glance back to find Shadow fully engaged back in conversation with the others, more than happy to see how well the hybrid was doing. He only wished he could be over there as well, instead of being interrogated by Amy. "Alright, Ames," he slipped his arm free of her grasp once they'd stopped walking, "What's up?"

"I wanted to know your opinion on the party," she chirped, smile not diming despite the fact that Sonic was free of her grip.

"It's great. You did a really amazing job throwing it all together, especially since you did it in such a short period of time. I'm kinda surprised so many people showed up," Sonic offered, gesturing towards the picnic tables laden with snacks and the yard games set up off to the side where Charmy and Tails were cheating at ladder toss against Espio and Bunnie. He snickered as he watched Bunnie throw her toss too hard, the bola she was using wrapping itself around the branches of a tree.

"It wasn't too hard," Amy demurred, lacing her fingers in front of herself, "Once I told everyone the party was for you, it wasn't too hard to get them to agree."

"What?" Sonic looked back to Amy, light frown on his face, "But the party is for Shadow."

"Yeah, but most of them don't know Shadow, outside of what the news showed. You and I both know everyone here is willing to give just about anyone the benefit of the doubt, but trying to convince them to come to a party for a guy who tried to destroy the world would be like trying to convince the freedom fighters to celebrate Eggman's birthday," Amy sighed, her smile finally falling as she placed her hands on her hips, "And don't try to argue with me, you know I'm right."

"That's still a bit harsh, Ames," Sonic grumbled, crossing his arms over his chest.

"It's not like I'm disagreeing with you. I just did what I needed to, to make sure people showed up," Amy stated, pointing towards the party, "Anyway, look. I even made sure to have coffee beans on the menu."

The jubilant sound of a child screeching in disgust could be heard from the direction Amy pointed, to which Sonic turned his head just in time to watch Shadow grin and toss coffee beans into his mouth with Cream watching on with horrified fascination. He crunched the beans between his teeth and offered a handful to her, to which she loudly protested with a laugh, though Cheese did seem a little intrigued by the unconventional snack. Sonic chuckled at their antics, shaking his head slightly in amusement.

"…Oh."

Sonic frowned at the quiet word from Amy, quickly turning his attention back to her. "What? Is something wrong?"

"No…well, yes, but," she murmured, suddenly looking like a kicked puppy, "it's nothing you can help, I don't think."

"What're you talking about?" Sonic reached for Amy, only to be even more confused as she pulled away from him.

"Well, first, you could've told me you had started dating Shadow before agreeing to go on a date with me," she said a bit bitingly, clutching at the hem of her dress.

"Amy, seriously, what are you talking about?" Sonic borderline growled, trying to keep his voice low in case anyone from the party got close enough to eavesdrop. "I am not dating Shadow."

"No? Oh, please, Sonic," she scoffed, shooting him a half hearted glare, "With the way you were just looking at him, how could I not tell?" She paused at the irritated stare Sonic was giving her, a quiet gasp leaving her as her demeanor changed from upset to sympathetic. "Unless…? Oh, Sonic," she breathed, shaking her head, "Have you seriously not realized?"

"This is getting to be too much," Sonic groused, about to turn, but Amy's hand on his arm stopped him.

"Sonic…If I said I would give absolutely anything to have you look at me the way you were just looking at him, it would still be an understatement," Amy sighed, sliding her hands down to wrap them around Sonics, "You were looking at him like he hung the moon and stars. You looked so smitten. And all he was doing was playing with Cream and eating coffee beans!"

Sonic scoffed, wrenching his hand free of Amy's grip while taking a quick step back. "That's ridiculous! I'm just helping a friend!"

"A friend who you let move in with you and plan parties for because you want to make him happy after having a, and I quote 'rough week'. I don't remember the last time you threw a party for anyone that wasn't for their birthday."

"I didn't even plan this party, I got you to do it!"

"You still had the idea for it!"

"Only because I wanted Shadow to realize he's the good person I know he is! We ran into people in the grocery store who were petrified of him, and he had a break down in my kitchen! I wasn't going to let him go on thinking he was some sort of monster just because some people got the wrong impression of him," Sonic seethed, only to pause and glance around to make sure no one was paying the squabbling duo any mind. He quickly grabbed Amy and ducked behind a tree, ignoring her protest. "Look. I just want him to have a good time while he's missing his memories and not bogged down by all that crap that happened on the ARK. That doesn't mean I have feelings for him."

Slowly, Amy extracted her arm from Sonic's grasp, taking a swift step back once she was free. She took a deep breath, an uncharacteristic scowl on her face as she stared Sonic down. "Do you two get along?"

"Huh?" Sonic's irritation immediately dissipated at the sudden question.

"Do you two get along?"

"Well, I mean, of course…"

"Do you enjoy spending time with him?"

Sonic scoffed, cocking his hip. "What're you trying to get at, Ames?"

"Answer my question."

"Of course I do. He's one of the only people who can give me a run for my money in a race."

"Okay. Do you try to think of reasons to spend time with him?"

Sonic opened his mouth to make another asinine comment, before snapping his mouth shut to give that particular question some thought. Normally, when it had been a while between Eggman attacks, Sonic would run around, visiting friends or places he'd yet to see to keep himself occupied and entertained. But with Shadow staying in the house, he often found himself just as happy to stay home, sharing the time and space with the dark hedgehog as he read his own book or bustled around the kitchen making a good meal. He bit his lip, his shoulders slumping slightly. "I…I guess I do."

"Are you happy when you're together?"

"Yeah…"

"Do you like to make him happy?"

Sonic squirmed slightly, rubbing absently at his quills. "I mean, yeah, I guess…"

Amy sighed, staring forlornly at Sonic for a moment, before shaking her head and brushing her quills out of her face. "You don't need to go on a date with me as payment anymore."

"What? A deal's a deal, Ames-"

"Exactly," Amy hummed, brushing invisible dust from her dress, "It was a deal. And I decided to break it." She stepped around Sonic and the tree they hid behind, pausing next to the hero. "If I were you," she said quietly, "I would think about those questions I asked you." With that Amy walked back to the party, leaving a rather bewildered Sonic behind.

He stepped out from behind the tree to watch as Amy gave Shadow a hug, which he returned with a confused but contented little smile on his face. It made something twist weirdly in his chest. He took another quick step back, deciding that, perhaps, it'd be best if he took a run to clear his head, rather than stay for the rest of the party. Shadow and Tails could get home on their own, it wasn't like they were that far from the house. And with that thought, Sonic took off, ignorant of the pair of worried crimson eyes that watched him go.

The next day Sonic made a point of skipping breakfast and avoiding Shadow all together as he got his thoughts together. And then the next day. And the next. On the fourth day Tails finally blasted Sonic on his communicator, telling him to at least leave a note if he was suddenly going to disappear for days on end so Shadow would stop making him meals and expecting him to show up. It made Sonic's heart sink at the thought of Shadow sitting at the dining room table with his plate set out, waiting, only to be ultimately disappointed thanks to Sonic's cowardice and indecision. He grunted and kicked at a random piece of trash near his foot. Perhaps Amy really was getting at something with her crazy theory about him having feelings.

He sighed when he heard his communicator ping at him once again, finding a note from Tails to pick up some mints from the store on his way home, and a single comment that Shadow would like to speak to him whenever he got home. Sonic groaned at the request, raking his fingers through his quills and pulling. Amy made it sound so simple, but he still hadn't figured anything out. Though, he supposed that avoiding the issue wasn't really doing anyone any good.

Sighing heavily, he let his hands drop from his quills, glaring up at the sky for a moment, before kicking out and taking off back towards home. Running around and trying to think wasn't working, so he might as well face the problem head on and come up with something on the fly. It was how he came up with all his best plans in battle, after all.

In his haste to get home, Sonic very nearly blew right past the store, but at the last moment he remembered Tails' request for more mint candies. Given that the kid was probably pissed at him for disappearing without a word he would be remiss to show up at home without them. So, he dug his heels in and made a quick turn, making sure to slow to a jog as he approached the doors, not wanting to blow anything off the shelves or stands.

It only took him a moment to locate his brothers favorite candies amongst the shelves, speeding to the register once he had them in hand to not further delay the inevitable. However, it was as he approached the counter that he spotted them. The lavender plants that had offered Shadow some modicum of comfort during their disastrous grocery trip. He let out a slow breath as his mind drifted to the image of the hybrid looking so contented while smelling the flowers. Unhurriedly, he approached the display, reaching out to gently touch the blooms in the same fashion that Shadow had, getting light whiffs of their scent as he looked them over. The idea of taking one of them home to get to see that same expression on the hybrids face every day made his heart flutter.

And with that thought, Sonic knew exactly how he felt and what he needed to do.

Making his way home in a quick fashion with a potted plant in hand was not as simple as he'd thought it would be. In the end, he'd wound up having to walk home to keep the poor thing intact, which irritated him to no end, since taking his time was not ideal.

But finally, finally, he made it home.

He made his way into the house, carefully setting the plant down, finding the place to be eerily quiet. He slipped his shoes off, then made his way to the kitchen, tossing Tails' candies onto the counter, only to find a note there from the fox kit saying he was going to Charmy's place. Sonic thought it was a bit odd to leave a note when he could just message Sonic on the communicators, until he realized that it wasn't for him. It was for Shadow, since the hybrid still didn't have a communicator yet. He knew his brother didn't mean it as such, but it felt like a bit of a dig at his own lack of proper communication. He sighed and turned to lean back against the counter, now feeling a bit foolish for rushing home the way he had when it seemed like no one else was even there. Shoving himself from the counter after a beat and shuffling through the house, Sonic decided he may as well watch a movie or play a video game while he waited for the others to get back.

He froze upon reaching the living room, momentarily having forgotten that it was Shadow's make-shift bedroom. With the silence of the house he hadn't been expecting to find the dark hedgehog on the couch, but apparently he simply slept like the dead. Shadow was splayed out along the length of the couch with a book resting open on his chest, and a blanket tangled with his legs. Sonic leaned against the couch, taking the opportunity to admire Shadow as he slept for a few moments, before he reached down and gently shook his ankle to wake him up.

A swinging right hook was fully not what Sonic expected as Shadow woke with a shout, thanking Chaos that his reflexes were so quick.

"Good morning to you, too!" Sonic called from the other side of the room, where he had plastered himself against the book shelf to keep from getting hit.

"Wh-huh?" Shadow blinked owlishly, glancing around the room, arm still raised in the air as he slowly took in his surroundings. Sonic wished he had a camera on hand to capture the expression on the hybrids face, along with the way his usually perfectly quaffed quills were sticking up in every which direction from how he'd been positioned on the couch. Shadow finally blinked in Sonic's direction, a light frown on his face, before recognition lit up his expression. "Sonic!"

"Hey there, sunshine."

Quickly, Shadow stood from the couch, running his fingers through his quills to flatten them down, a light flush dusting his muzzle as he did his best to quickly make himself presentable. "If I'd known when you were to be home I would've made sure to be awake," he remarked, scooping his fallen book from the floor where it had fallen to set it on the coffee table.

Sonic felt a pang of guilt at the simple comment, rubbing at the back of his head as he shuffled back towards the couch. "Yeah, I…I'm sorry about that," Sonic sighed, pausing as he reached the side of the couch, "I should've at least left a note or something before I ran off like that."

"It's quite alright. Tails informed me that, when Eggman hasn't attacked in a while, sometimes you get stir crazy. He said it's not unusual for you to disappear for longer stretches of time occasionally," Shadow reassured, slowly pulling the blanket he'd been using from the couch and folding it.

"I mean, yeah, sometimes…but this time Amy said something to me that just got into my head, and-"

"So, she did say something to you…?"

"What?" Sonic frowned slightly, watching as Shadow set the folded blanket on the back of the couch.

"Amy," Shadow supplied, idly spinning one of his inhibitor rings around his wrist to keep his hands busy. "She said something to you. I figured as much, since you ran off after she took you aside ." He visibly steeled himself, dropping his hands to his sides as he looked to Sonic. "If she still thinks I'm untrustworthy to be here I can find somewhere else to stay. Rouge insisted once again at the party that I could stay with her, and Vector has also offered a place with the Chaotix. If my presence has become a problem, I can vacate at your leisure."

"What?!" Sonic felt his heart jump into his throat, quickly darting around the couch and grabbing at Shadow's shoulders, "No! No, of course I don't want you to leave. What Amy said, yeah, it got into my head but not-…It wasn't anything bad. It just gave me some stuff to think about. I needed some time and space to figure it out."

"Oh," Shadow let out a breath, shoulders relaxing as a small smile graced his muzzle, "I'm glad. I had worried that I'd done something upsetting without realizing again."

"No. The exact opposite, really," Sonic said with a light chuckle, letting his hands slide down Shadow's arms to gently take his hands. "I wanted to talk to you about that, actually. Oh! But first-" he quickly jogged over to the front door where he'd set the lavender plant, lifting it with a flourish, "I brought you a present!"

"The plant from the grocery store?" Shadow blinked, carefully taking the plant as Sonic handed him the pot.

"Yeah. It's not much, but I remembered how much you seemed to like it when we were at the store. Sorta seemed like it gave you a little moment of peace when everything else was sort of hitting the fan, so I thought you might like to have a little bit of that here. At home," Sonic offered, watching in rapt attention as Shadow brought the little purple blooms to his nose to take a careful sniff of the flowers.

"That's very thoughtful. Thank you."

Sonic flushed at the warm smile he was given in exchange for the plant, unable to contain his nervous energy as he began to tap his foot on the floor. "I…It was nothin," he muttered, rubbing absently at his arm. He winced slightly as Shadow lowered the plant, his eyes traveling down to Sonic's restless foot before moving back up to his face.

"Is there something else? You seem…agitated."

"Uh, yeah," Sonic cleared his throat, forcing his foot to stop tapping, though he then began to pick at a loose thread on one of his gloves, "Sorry, this is just…a lot. For me. And new."

"It's alright. Take your time. I'm not going anywhere."

Sonic let out a little puff of breath, a slow smile spreading across his face. "No. You're not, are you?" He cleared his throat again at the odd look Shadow gave him, forcing his hands down to his sides for a beat, before bringing them back up to cup around Shadows where he held the plant. "Shadow…I know we haven't really known each other that long, and maybe it was the chaos emeralds that brought us together at first, but…But I've never felt like this around anyone before. You treat Tails like family, you're an amazing cook, and you take care of us without ever needing to be asked. You keep up with me in every way that matters, and you make me happy in a way that is so unique to you, I don't even know how to describe it. I can't imagine waking up in the morning anymore and not finding you working on breakfast and sneaking coffee beans when you think no one's looking. Which, by the way, there's no point to, we all know you eat them," he paused as they both chuckled, "What I'm trying to say is…In my life, the way I live, and the things I do, opportunities fly by in a blink. So if you don't take them when they show up, they can vanish before you even realize what you've missed. And I don't want to do that with you. I want to take every opportunity I can get, and cherish them…Because I-I love you."

"Sonic…"

Ducking his head, Sonic let out a nervous little laugh. "You don't have to say it back. I know this is probably out of left field for you. But, you've been on my mind for months. It just took Amy pointing out how obvious I was being for me to finally get my head out of my ass and give it two seconds of thought to realize what I was feeling." Silence reigned for a few moments until Sonic finally lifted his gaze back up to find Shadow's eyes rimmed with tears, the hybrid breathing heavily as he was obviously trying to keep his emotions in check. "Uh…You okay?"

"Yes…No," Shadow hiccupped, tipping his head back and blowing out a breath. He took another minute or so to compose himself, before sniffing in a breath and bringing his head back down to offer the blue hedgehog a lopsided smile. "That was very sweet. I hope you don't mind if I take some time to think about it?"

"Of course not," Sonic quickly reassured, giving Shadow's hands a gentle squeeze around the pot before letting go, "Take all the time you need. Took me months, after all."

Shadow let out a bark of laughter, carefully setting the plant down on the coffee table. "Hopefully it won't take me quite as long to have an answer for you," he offered, wiping at his face hastily once his hands were free. "What I can tell you now, however, is that I'm happy to have found my way here. I'm happy that I've gotten to spend the time I have with you, Tails, and your friends. Even if I never manage to regain my memories, I think I would be okay with that if it meant I got to spend the rest of my days here. With you."

Sonic couldn't help the gleeful grin that spread across his muzzle at Shadow's words, his hands reaching out to cup the hybrid's face as he bounced on his toes. "It'd be more than okay if you stayed here, for as long as you'd like," he hummed, inching ever closer to Shadow, the hybrid letting out a low chuckle at Sonic's excited energy. "I'm going to kiss you now, if that's okay?"

"Please do."

That was all the permission Sonic needed to duck into Shadow's space, pressing their lips together with a pleased little hum. He tilted his head slightly to deepen the kiss as Shadow's arms wound around his torso, only to jerk back in surprise as the front door opened suddenly, accompanied by Tails loudly shouting that he was home. The three stood staring awkwardly at each other as Tails fully stepped inside and shut the door behind himself.

"Uh…So, what were you guys up to?" Tails asked, toeing off his shoes.

"Kissing," Sonic said with a cheeky grin, Shadow making a pathetic wheezing sound as he buried his face in a blue shoulder.

"I see," Tails said plainly, padding down the hallway, "Well, you two have fun with that. Glad you made up. Oh, but please make sure to keep it down. I'd really appreciate not having to find out what sounds my brother makes when 'being intimate'."

"Tails!" Shadow and Sonic snapped at the same time, both flushing as Tails disappeared into the garage with a cackling laugh.

"That was mortifying," Shadow grumbled, pulling away from Sonic enough to rub his hands over his face with a low groan.

"Eh, could've been worse."

"How so?"

"We could've actually been 'getting intimate'."

"Sonic!"

"What? I'm not wrong," the blue hedgehog laughed and landed on the couch with a grunt as Shadow shoved him away. He grinned up at the hybrid, enjoying the way Shadow's face scrunched up in embarrassment, lips twisted in a scowl and cheeks aflame. "Hey," he hummed, reaching out to tangle their hands together, giving a little tug so Shadow shuffled forward to stand between his knees, "I love you."

"I…How do I respond?" Shadow asked, leaning over Sonic, his embarrassment easily morphing into nervousness.

"You could kiss me again?" Sonic offered, cheeky little smirk curling his lips.

"If you insist," Shadow breathed, a smile finally returning to his face as he ducked his head down to press their lips together once more.

The following weeks were like a dream to Sonic.

After a bit of cajoling from Tails, Shadow moved his few meager belongings up to Sonic's room, where he began to spend the night curled up around the blue hedgehog. Normally, Sonic found any sort of physical contact at night stifling that wasn't strictly a blanket. It was why he had a queen size mattress to himself. However, for some reason, he was more than happy to have Shadow's head nestled under his chin, and his arms wrapped around his torso the whole nigh through. And in the morning, instead of waking up to the smell of breakfast cooking, Shadow would wake him up with a handful of gentle kisses peppered across his face before slipping from the warmth of their blankets to get ready for the day. It left the hero of Mobius feeling light and airy for the rest of the day.

The days themselves were not much different than what they had been before Sonic had confessed to Shadow, but there were little added surprises and delights that Sonic slowly got to discover over time. Like how Shadow apparently quite enjoyed Sonic surprising him with little kisses as he zipped past him on his way around the house, going out of his way to make a game of it to try and catch him to return the kisses, stating that he couldn't let Sonic get one up on him. Or finding out that Shadow liked to waltz by walking into the kitchen one afternoon as the hybrid set some music to play before getting started on dinner, only to be swept into a dance quite unexpectedly.

There were also the new prizes for being the winner in their races. Sonic was pleased as punch when he realized that Shadow was more than willing to give in to his demand for kisses if he won, no matter how out of breath the both of them were by the time they were done. One especially memorable race ended with Shadow pinned to a tree, snarling about Sonic being a dirty cheater to win kisses, but still melting into it when Sonic nipped at his lips and pressed his fingers into the dip on the hybrid's hip that he knew made him shiver. Sonic was fairly certain the only reason they hadn't just gone at it against the tree then and there was because Shadow noticed that they had actually wound up on a hiking trail and had expressed that Tails walking in on them kissing was one thing, but a total stranger did not need to get an eye full of hedgehog. Frankly, Sonic begged to differ, but Shadow distracted Sonic with a well placed roll of his hips before slipping free of the other's hold and taking off.

Sonic tried not to give too much thought to the fact that Shadow had yet to return his declaration of love, despite the fact that they were very much together. He could wait, even if being patient was slowly eating him up inside. Shadow deserved all the time in the world to figure things out.

Unfortunately, peace on Mobius seemed to be perpetually fleeting, so time was not really on their side.

Realistically, Sonic had known it was only a matter of time until Robotnik put together some new cockamamie scheme to try and take over the world. So, he couldn't really be too surprised when, a mere two months after Shadow appeared on his front lawn, he got a call to aid from Sally. Apparently, Eggman had managed to amass himself a new little army of heavies and miscellaneous badniks, topped off by Metal Sonic leading the charge.

"Go figure Egghead would choose now to attack," Sonic growled, glaring at the screen Tails had pulled up, detailing what they currently knew about the bombardment.

"It was going to happen sooner or later…Though, I do also wish it had been later," Tails grumbled, typing rapidly as data and videos flashed across the screen, "And with Metal Sonic leading the attack, you know he means business."

"Metal Sonic?" Shadow echoed, stepping up next to Sonic to look over the screens. He'd been elbow deep in the side garden when Sonic got the call, having taken it over when Sonic offered it as a spot to transplant the lavender to. He'd opted to finish up and take a quick shower while Sonic got debriefed from Sally over the communicators and Tails got all of the info the freedom fighters had to offer.

"Yeah…Eggman decided a long time ago that the best way to beat me was with a robo version of me. Every time we beat Metal he gets a new upgrade. Which has happened a fair few times over the years, as you can imagine. It makes him a real tough nut to crack," Sonic groused, tapping his toe impatiently on the floor. "We're gonna need all hands on deck, especially with those heavies backing him up."

"…Does that include Shadow?" Tails asked quietly, casting a glance over his shoulder at his brother, who bristled.

"No."

Shadow blinked, a frown immediately curling his lips. "What? Why not? You just said you needed all hands on deck."

"All capable hands. No offense, Shads, but you still don't know how to work your powers properly yet. You're fast and all, but we haven't exactly spent any time figuring out how you get your chaos spears to work. It's too risky to have you out on the field," the blue hero stated bluntly, folding his arms over his chest.

"Full offense taken," Shadow growled back, quills bristling as he took a threatening step towards Sonic, "All you are is fast. I can fight! Don't treat me like I'm fragile just because I don't remember everything yet."

"He's kinda right, Sonic," Tails added, spinning around in his chair, "Arguably, Shadow is the strongest person we know. Even without his chaos spears, he'd be an asset against Metal. You can't bench him just because you're worried."

Sonic reared back slightly, shooting Tails a glare. "I'm not worried."

"You blatantly are. You know Shadow is a good fighter, and he's as fast as you are. The two of you against Metal would be ideal, while everyone else takes on the heavies and badniks. You can't argue that battle plan is sound. You're just worried he'll get hurt, like the last time you fought together," Tails reasoned, anxiously fiddling with one of his tails.

"…Is that true?" Shadow asked, posture relaxing as Sonic bit his lip and looked away. "Sonic. You can't seriously want to endanger others just to keep me safe? We'd work better as a team to beat them now, before they advance too far. Listen to your head, not your heart."

Sonic growled low in his throat, ears pinned back as he glanced between his brother and partner, before looking back towards the screens where a video of Metal Sonic decimating a freshly evacuated house was playing on loop. He squeezed his eyes shut, hunching his shoulders for a moment, before throwing his arms up with a frustrated shout. "Fine! Fine. You're right," he half snarled, rubbing his hands over his face. "I just," he sighed, posture going slack as he looked to Shadow, his expression defeated, "I hate the thought of you getting hurt again because I wasn't fast enough."

"Give me a little credit," Shadow snorted, folding his arms over his chest, "I can take care of myself." And with the self assured stance and cocky little smirk that settled on his face, he looked every bit the ultimate lifeform he claimed to be while aboard the ARK, and Sonic couldn't help but believe him.

Getting to the fight had been simple enough in the Tornado. The issue was that once they'd begun to approach the battle field, Sonic and Shadow were almost immediately separated from everyone else by Metal Sonic. There was no time to dodge as Metal slammed into the Tornado as it flew in low to land, Sonic and Shadow leaping from the damaged plane to go after the robotic ruffian as he tried to lay waste to the freedom fighters first line of defense.

It didn't take long for Metal to lead them to Robotnik.

"Hey, hey, Eggy!" Sonic called, pausing on the battle field as Metal dashed off to his leader, "Took you longer than usual to try something. Getting slow in our old age, are we?" He shot a smirk towards Shadow, who simply rolled his eyes as he came to a stop next to the hero.

"I'll have you know that proper fabrication takes time," Robotnik snapped back, leaning over the edge of his egg mobile to shake his fist at the hedgehogs. He froze upon seeing Shadow stood next to Sonic, openly gaping and holding a hand out to keep Metal from advancing again. "Shadow?! What are you doing here?"

"I'm here to help stop your tirade against the good people of Mobius," Shadow declared, puffing his chest out in a self assured way that made Sonic snicker quietly next to him.

"Wh-Seriously? After all I did for you, this is the thanks I get? Family is supposed to stick together, you know," Robotnik grumped, slouching back in his seat.

"…Family?" the hybrid echoed, all of his previous bravado disappearing in an instant, "What are you talking about?"

"What am I talking about? Oh, only that Gerald Robotnik, my grandfather, created you? How hard did you hit your head when you crash landed? I thought I got Metal to catch you before too much damage occurred," Robotnik stated, waving a hand through the air, "The real question is, how did you manage to get caught up with the blue idiot and his little band of do-gooders? One minute you were unconscious in my med-bay, and the next you're gone."

"I-I don't-," Shadow muttered, shaking his head slightly, suddenly turning to Sonic, "Did you know about this? All this time, were you still keeping secrets from me?!"

"I didn't mean to," Sonic said quickly, shaking his head and waving his hands through the air, "Honest! It totally slipped my mind that Egghead and Gerald were related. I swear!" He quickly made a crisscross gesture over his chest, "Cross my heart, Shadow. With everything else going on, I genuinely just forgot."

"Convenient detail to forget," Shadow growled, turning his attention back towards Robotnik and Metal, "We'll talk about this later. For now, let's just deal with the mechanical menace and make sure everyone stays safe."

"Sounds like a plan," Sonic easily agreed, already dreading the conversation they were going to have to have later. Hopefully it would go better than the last conversation they'd had to have when Sonic purposefully left out details of the hybrids past.

"A disappointing plan," Robotnik snipped from above, finally lowering his arm to allow Metal past him, "You should choose who you side with more carefully, Shadow."

"I think I was plenty careful with my choice," Shadow bit back, quickly dodging as Metal slammed into the ground where he had been standing, leaving a crater behind.

"You tell 'em, Shads," Sonic called with a grin, zipping around Metal to deliver a swift kick to his head, making him lurch to the side.

"You are on thin ice," the hybrid hissed, dodging yet another blow from Metal.

"Right! Noted," the hero said with a strained laugh, moving in tandem with Shadow around Metal.

As far as Sonic was concerned, the fight that followed was relatively average when it came to battles against Metal. They exchanged blows, Metal got a leg ripped off, and overall it leaned in Sonic's favor, especially with Shadow at his side. He thought things were going relatively well, particularly when Metal's engine began to sputter out after an exceptionally swift round house kick from Shadow. However, Sonic really should have learned not to count his flickys before they hatched.

Metal was obviously getting desperate, his blows getting more wild and erratic as Sonic and Shadow gained the upper hand, his failure eminent and predicted, if Eggman's disappearance was anything to go by. Sonic should've known better than to take his eyes off of Metal for even a moment, but their fight had gotten closer to where the freedom fighters were finishing off the last of the badniks, and he couldn't help but check on them when he heard Amy shouting directions across the battlefield to Knuckles. Those precious few seconds were all that Metal needed to swoop in at the hero, claws raised to strike.

"SONIC!"

A grunt left the blue blur as he was body slammed to the side, time seeming to slow to a crawl as he twisted in the air, watching in horror as Metal's claws came down across Shadow's chest, digging into flesh and hurling him at speed into a pile of rubble. He gasped as he hit the dirt, winded and terrified as Shadows blood spattered across the spot he'd just stood.

"No," Sonic gasped, staggering to his feet just in time to intercept another blow from Metal, snarling in the robots face as he grappled with him. "Get out of MY WAY," he bellowed, quickly spinning and throwing Metal haphazardly to the side, not bothering to watch where the robot landed. "Shadow?!" He scrambled over the torn up landscape, hurrying to the hybrid's side, where he lay in a heap amongst broken cinder blocks and splintered wood. There was a large, open gash across Shadow's chest, exposing some of the white bone beneath flesh, making Sonic gag at the sight, and a prominent wound at his temple that was slowly oozing blood across the stone he'd apparently hit his head on. "No, no, no," Sonic's hands shook as he gently brushed his fingers down Shadow's arm, choking on air as his fingers hit the inhibitor ring around the hybrid's wrist. "Shadow?"

There was no time for Sonic to grieve his mistake, as the tell tale mechanical sounds of Metal dragging himself across the battle field could be heard close by. Swiftly, Sonic stood, icy fury on his face as he ran to where Metal was forcing himself onto his functional leg. With a low growl the hero spun and kicked the juddering robot to the ground, letting out a primal yell as he pounced, hammering Metal with swift punches before ripping one of his arms free of his body and tossing it aside. He finally sat back as the robot sparked and sputtered, his eyes flickering as his power cells shorted out. Sonic stood on shaky legs as Metal finally powered down, turning quickly to run back to Shadow, only to find Rouge and Tails huddled around him, the later hastily wrapping bandages around the gaping chest wound.

"He's gonna be okay, right?" Sonic practically wheezed as Rouge hurried to hold him back, Tails muttering something on his communicator when he caught sight of his brother.

"He's a trooper, y'know he is," Rouge reassured, keeping her hands firmly on Sonic's shoulders, even as he tried to push past her to get to Shadow. "The others were just finishing up when we saw you two over here. We're gonna get him the help he needs, Blue, don't you worry."

"It's my fault," Sonic murmured, wild eyes shifting from Shadow's supine form to Rouge's face, "I looked away for a second. I looked away for a second and he got hurt. Again! I-It's my fault."

"Hey now, sugar," Rouge cooed, wrapping her arms around Sonic's shoulders and giving him a gentle squeeze and he shuddered in her arms but refused to cry, "It'll be okay. You'll see."

Getting Shadow into a hospital was a bit of an affair, given that GUN almost immediately tried to take over his care and sweep him away to a secure facility once word got to them that he'd been active in the fight. Unlucky for them, Sonic was steadfast and stubborn, and since he had been the one to check Shadow into the hospital in the first place, the staff wouldn't discharge the hybrid without Sonic's signature. The subsequent argument with the commander had been explosive, but ultimately the hero of Mobius had won, and the commander was removed from the hospital for disturbing the peace. And so, Sonic found himself sat in a rather uncomfortable chair in a private room on the third floor of a hospital, watching over the still form of one Shadow the hedgehog, his hands wrapped around Shadow's limp fingers and his head bowed. It had been two days since the battle had taken place, and Sonic had barely slept a wink, not wanting to miss the moment the hybrid woke up.

"Mnn…Where am I?"

Sonic's head shot up at the raspy words, a brilliant grin breaking out across his face at seeing squinted crimson eyes glaring around the hospital room. He gave Shadow's hand a gentle squeeze, leaning in to try and catch the hybrid's gaze. "Hey! You've been out for two days. It's nice to see you awake. How're you feeling?"

"Like a truck hit me and I guzzled a bag of sand," Shadow grumbled, pulling his hand free of Sonic's grasp to rub at his face. The blue hedgehog took that as his queue to grab a glass of water from the table next to Shadow's bed, sticking a straw into it and wiggling it in front of the hybrid's face.

"This might help with the sandy feeling," Sonic hummed, smiling warmly as Shadow took it with a grumbled 'thanks'.

Once the glass was half empty, Shadow looked around the room once again, frowning a bit as he took in his surroundings. "So…where am I, and why are you here, hedgehog?"

Sonic reeled back like he'd been hit, blinking rapidly in surprise at being called 'hedgehog'. He hadn't been called that since the ARK incident. "Uh…you're at the hospital. We fought Metal Sonic and you got hit pretty hard. Apparently Metal actually managed to claw deep enough to scratch a couple of your rib bones. And, well…I'm here to keep watch over you, I guess."

"Hmm…Well, as you can see, I'm awake and fairly functional. You don't need to watch over me anymore," Shadow stated blandly, his stare cold and distant, holding none of the warmth that Sonic had grown used to over the last couple of months.

"I….right. Yeah," Sonic nodded quickly, lurching up from his seat, his heart in his throat and suddenly feeling like he was going to throw up, "I'll go let Rouge and the others know you're okay." With that he hurried from the room, swallowing down any and all emotions that threatened to tear free of him. The most important thing right now was letting everyone know that Shadow was awake, and then he could go lock himself in a bathroom and have a miniature meltdown over the fact that his partner apparently no longer remembered the last two months. Maybe it would be a bathroom halfway around the world. That sounded like a plan.

Once he made all of the appropriate calls via phone and communicator, Sonic took off. If there was one thing he was good at, it was running. He ran for what felt like days, not stopping until his legs threatened to stop working from exhaustion, and even then he pushed himself until he found the most secluded, out of the way cave he could to finally break down and weep. He wept for the scant period of happiness he'd managed to have with Shadow, and the kind warmth that the cruelty of the world had taken away from the hybrid. And he wept for the shattering of his heart, because he knew that with the return of Shadow's memories, and the grating reality of the world baring down on them, Shadow's heart would inevitably be closed to him. Tragedy had built steep walls around Shadow's heart, and Sonic very much doubted that he would be able to scale them again.

So, of course, he was quite surprised when a figure appeared in the opening to the cave, blocking the light of the setting sun. He lifted his head and wiped at his face, squinting against the light with red, puffy eyes, taking far too long to recognize the familiar upturned, red striped quills of his 'rival'. "What're you doing here?" Sonic grumbled, voice slightly raspy from crying.

"Looking for you, obviously," Shadow stated bluntly, striding forward and digging into his quills. He procured a bottle of water and held it out to the blue hero. "Here. You're probably dehydrated."

"Thanks." Sonic took the bottle, but simply held it in his lap, staring off into space, not wanting to meet Shadows eyes and see that same look of cold disregard again. Not yet, anyway. He jumped slightly as Shadow sat down next to him with a heavy sigh. He chanced a glance at the hybrid out of the corner of his eye, absently biting at his lip at the far away look on the others face. He stayed silent, wondering what Shadow might have to say.

"Rouge filled me in on everything that happened," Shadow finally spoke after what felt like an eternity, the sun having mostly dipped beneath the horizon in the meantime, "The fight and the time you spent watching over me in the hospital."

"Is that all she told you about?" Sonic finally cracked open the bottle of water, taking a slow swig.

"That's all she needed to," Shadow shifted, tilting his head so he could watch Sonic sipping at his water. "I remember. Everything."

The bottle of water paused halfway to Sonic's mouth, emerald eyes darting to meet crimson, a glimmer of hope in them. "…everything?"

"Everything."

Shadows eyes still weren't as bright as they had been while he'd been living with Sonic, but the blue hedgehog hadn't expected them to be. All he was truly hoping for was a spark of recognition and the warmth he'd lost himself in multiple times in the last few months. And lo and behold, he found it. His breath hitched as fresh tears pooled in his eyes, a hysterical little titter of a laugh escaping him.

"You could've probably given me more than two minutes to get reoriented before taking off like that. It was a real pain in the ass tracking you down," Shadow groused, leaning back against the cave wall.

"Sorry. I'd sort of just had my heart shattered into a million little pieces, so I wasn't really thinking straight," Sonic snorted, rubbing at his eyes, unable to wipe the dopey smile off his face.

"Mmm…About that," Shadow sighed, reaching over to tap at the water bottle, forcing Sonic to continue taking little sips, "I wanted to talk to you about our…relationship."

"What about it?" Sonic couldn't keep the nerves out of his voice, the plastic of the water bottle crinkling in his grasp as he crushed it slightly in anxiety.

"I wanted to ask you if it was something you truly wanted to keep pursuing, now that I'm…fully aware again."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Just, that I'm not the same hedgehog that you seemingly fell in love with. I haven't been that hedgehog since before Maria died. Truthfully, I don't know if I was really ever that hedgehog," Shadow murmured with a little shrug, "You fell in love with who I was. Not who I am."

"That's not true!" Sonic practically shouted, sitting up and forward, making Shadow jump and stare at him with wide eyes. "I know that's exactly who you are! Under the trauma and all of the shit life has thrown at you, that is who you are. You're warm hearted and kind, with so much love to give it hurts to watch people shy away from you. Shadow…I know you love eating raw coffee beans, the smell of lavender, and if you could you would spend days just sitting in a comfy chair, reading. You like old timey music that drives Tails nuts, you know how to waltz, and you absolutely shine when you tap into your chaos energy. Those are things I love about you, and they don't suddenly disappear just because you're hurting. Please. Give me, no, give us a chance. If you think you're so different now that you have your memories back, give me the chance to get to know who you are now and prove that I love you, no matter what."

Shadow sat, stunned into silence for a solid minute, until he finally swallowed thickly, blinking back obvious tears. "Do you mean that?"

"Of course I do. With every fiber of my being."

A tiny quirk of the lips was all the smile Sonic got, but it was like the sun itself was shining on him, even though it had long since disappeared beyond the horizon. "If you'd like, then."

Sonic let out a cheerful shout, tossing his half empty water bottle across the cavern absently, before shifting to sit on his knees, leaning into Shadow's space with a grin on his face. The hybrid leaned back, his ears tipped back in uncertainty as his space was encroached upon. "I'm going to kiss you now," Sonic stated, wiggling like an excited puppy, his tail a blur behind him, "If that's okay?"

Shadow blinked, his smile slowly returning as he realized what Sonic was doing. "Please do."

With another happy little sound, Sonic darted forward, pressing his lips to Shadows as he brought his hands up to gently cup the hybrid's face, letting his thumbs absently sweep along his cheek bones. His heart beat an elated staccato in his chest, having thought he would never get the opportunity to do this again.

When they broke apart, Shadow made a soft little humming sound, reaching up to take Sonic's hands from his face. He took a deep breath, giving the hero's hands a light squeeze as he licked his lips, obviously working his way up to saying something. Sonic stayed resolutely quiet, not wanting to break whatever fragile moment was building between them.

"Say it to me again," Shadow finally spoke, lifting his gaze to stare intently into Sonic's eyes.

"Say what again?"

"That you love me."

"What for?"

"Just do it, Sonic," Shadow grumbled, earning a light laugh from the blue hedgehog.

"A hundred million times, or more. As many times as you'd like," Sonic hummed, brushing his thumbs against the back of Shadow's hands, "I love you."

Shadow let out a breath, offering Sonic a soft, warm smile, one that Sonic knew was now only for him. "I love you, too."

[yayll]

https://www.tumblr.com/yayll/759326311116308480/havent-slept-yet-but-just-as-i-was-about-to?source=share

Hi, this anon again😅 haven't slept yet again...it's 6 am🙃. I just love the idea that Dazai with all his godlike intelligence is the kind of guy to see immediately what troubles or struggles his significant other has with themselves or in general.

If you have trauma he will immediately catch on, self esteem issues? Immediately caught on, mommy or daddy issues? People pleaser? He knows it, and many other things, he will immediately figure it out as you both date.

He'll probably even do little things that you'd think he doesn't understand how much it means to you, like validating you, making sure you always have a specific comfort of yours at hand, you'd think he just does it because he saw that you liked it, but it was because he knew what it would do for you, what it makes you feel.

Dazai sees you and he doesn't just see your traumas and things you struggle with of course, he first sees someone he loves unconditionally. Dazai knows you love him with all your heart especially after knowing about his past.

Dazai will tell if you're sensitive, if you're uncomfortable with loud noises, if you get emotional about a lot of things, if you're lonely around people, if you're masking your real personality around other people, if you've only heard criticism instead of any praise, if you've been undermined and seen as a second choice, Dazai will know.

And he will show you from the moment he picks up on everything, that you're never gonna feel like that again as long as he's there, and he will always be there. He will validate everything you always wanted to be validated. Dazai from the Port to ADA is very much "gun is love, gun is life" to "what is gun, what is this metal thing that can hurt another human being!?" An exaggeration of course but that's how he probably would be even though he's joking, but the second someone tried to mess with you, suddenly every training he had in the Port comes back and he's immediately shown to be this incredibly intimidating and ruthless man to anyone who tries hurt you.

Have a beautiful forever Hun💖🥺 I know you said in the last message you've had a rough time and I genuinely hope you're doing better 🥺💖 a reminder that you're so amazing and you deserve the best, you deserve to be happy and i wish you the uttermost happiness and love and good health, you're still so incredibly young, you have so much time to accomplish everything or anything you want, you're doing well, get some sun, hydrate yourself, sleep the best you can(because I know sometimes we don't always get enough sleep) and eat well💖🥺

I'll leave these emojis for now so you'll know it's me next time😅

- 🥺💖

HELLOOOOO my sweet 🥹💖

i'm so sorry i have such a late reply! i've been working on some writing and also quite literally irl so i'm just trying to catch up. you are amazing and i'm wishing u the best of health and happiness right back :') love is all we rlly have in this world. things are a lot better lately on my end and i hope you've been able to sleep comfortably even if it takes u a while! MWAH.

and also. i just rlly wanted to indulge those lil things you said about dazai because they are sooooooooo true. sooooo fucking valid. GUN IS LOVE GUN IS LIFE TOOK ME OUTTTT LMAO i actually love the way u talk abt dazai's highly intuitive side, it's quite literally what makes him so compelling as is. and in a relationship/partnership? oh it's a goddamn dream. he's like a hawk watching and registering your every mood fluctuation and the cause of it, tryinf to see how he can rectify it immediately. and i also FIRMLY believe he will use any and all past PM training to facilitate ur happiness should he ever need to. he'll be like:

"Hey, take five. You've been at it for hours now and frankly, it's boring watching you work."

"I can't, I'm so behind on reports and I'm helping out with the agency holiday party, I also need to-"

Dazai's eyes narrow, and shakes his head rapidly. Mission accepted, he thinks. He knows what you need, and if you won't cater to your needs, he'll have to just do it himself. He lives to see you at ease, because you deserve the entire world. You will not, under any circumstances, be stressed under his watchful eye... And he also just really wants an excuse to cuddle later without having to hear about dumb things like work. It's a win-win, and you don't have a choice! He sighs, and puts on his little performance.

".. You expect me, the great Osamu Dazai, to simply watch as I witness my favorite detective work themself to the bone?! Absolutely not! I refuse. Come, we're going to the cafe downstairs."

You groan as he pulls you, smiling in reluctance.

"Dazaiiii, i'm serious.. plus, don't you have like, a huge running tab there?"

He flashes you a sly smirk and a wink.

"That's why I have you, silly! Your philanthropic and generous heart is willing to treat me as your penance for being so stubborn. How noble of you. You really shouldn't have."

You roll your eyes, sighing deeply as you zoom out of the agency with him.

"The waitress there wants to kill you, you know."

You mutter under your breath with a playful smile. Dazai gasps dramatically and looks back at you, still holding you by the arm, tighening just a smidge.

"Oh, goodness! I'm quaking. well thank god i'm bringing you, my precious little scapegoat~"

Despite your feigned annoyance, your cheeks redden, and it's hard not to become endeared with how relentless he is in his pursuits to distract you. what a slack off, you want to kiss his stupid face until he shuts up. You might just have to.

"You're the worst, Dazai."

"Mm, what a weird way to say 'I love you.' I'll take it."

this is a silly little thing, but basically overly observant and on the case Dazai he just NEEDS to make you the happiest whether you like it or not!

i love u, mwah :')

-ivy

[nicksbestie]

I have an angsty (self-indulgent) req…

I struggle heavily with superstition and pattern-based compulsions, and I was curious if I could get a Jake or Johnnie fic where one of them sees the reader getting stuck in a harmful pattern (trying to match pain from scratches on both arms, knocking on their head for good luck, trying to avoid cracks/lines on the sidewalk, etc.)

-🫠

Summary : You struggle a lot with your compulsions and mental health, but your boyfriend is always there to make sure that you can relax.

Pairing : Jake Webber/Reader (romantic)

Warnings : Harmful pattern based actions, superstitious behaviors

Word Count : 718

A/N : i've never written anything like this req, so i really hope i did it justice! if i didn't please give me constructive criticism! my inbox and dms are open if you ever need to chat <3

Superstitious and compulsion based behaviors were a lot to deal with, and you knew that better than anyone in your personal life. You had struggled with them really badly for a long time, and it had damaged a lot of your life. You considered yourself very lucky sometimes, though, because you had a lot more support now than you did in the past, and the support system that you did have was absolutely amazing. You had two amazing best friends, one of whom was your boyfriend, and having dealt with struggles in his life, he was always so incredibly kind with you.

He was always patient, gentle, much softer than he was on camera, and you appreciated his tenderness so much. You couldn’t have imagined a better life partner than the man that you were with right now, and you truly couldn’t imagine your life without him. Having been with him for upwards of a year now, he was able to recognize when you were beginning to struggle, and always able to gently calm you down, keeping you comfortable and feeling safe. He was perfect, and was always there when you needed him, like today. 

Today you were having such a difficult day, many different things bothering you and being just uncomfortable enough to cause you to become frustrated. You managed to hold it together until the evening, when you were laying down with Jake, and you automatically felt a little bit better because of the fact that you were with your boyfriend, who was your safe space and comfort person, but you were still not quite calmed down. Jake was rubbing your arms with his, you wrapped up against him, and he had no idea that he was going to unintentionally cause a near breakdown within the next couple of minutes. 

It wasn’t for another few moments before one of his nails caught the perfect angle to end up scratching your arm, causing you to gasp in pain and surprise, and him to immediately panic and apologize. He kissed right over the spot that he had accidentally created, attempting to soothe it. However, with how worked up you had been from your long day, this was the straw that broke the camel’s back, and Jake’s heart broke when he realized there were tears forming in your eyes. He immediately wiped them away, placing a gentle kiss on your forehead, hoping on everything that you would be okay. 

He hugged you tighter, whispering soft comforts while his hand was gently running up and down your arm, trying to massage the feeling of pain away, but all he was doing was making you aware of how uneven your arms felt, and he had no idea that he was making it worse until you had teardrops rolling down your face, trying to resist the urge to scratch your other arm, making it match the same pain so you could relax again. He wiped those tears away immediately as well, pressing a kiss on nearly every spot on your face, hoping to get a smile to break onto your face. 

Unfortunately, after a couple more minutes of those, you couldn’t take it anymore, and ripped out of his grasp, using your own nails to run down your other arm, tears steadily flowing. He immediately grabbed your hands, pulling you close into his chest and firmly but not harshly keeping your hands away from your arm, holding you as you gave up in his hold, sobbing. 

“It’s okay, baby. You’re going to be okay. It’s okay, honey, it’s okay…” 

He knew you probably weren’t processing a lot of what he was saying, so he simply repeated the same words of comfort, keeping you close to him and making sure you were wrapped up tightly in his arms, pressing kisses to the top of your head. The pressure was helping you relax and was also keeping you from hurting yourself, and he stayed like that until you stopped crying, wiping your tears away with his thumbs, holding you until you eventually exhausted yourself. He was the boyfriend who could easily pick you up, helping you to bed, and holding you until you fell asleep in his arms. You knew you struggled, but you also knew that he would always be here for you.

~ taglist : @jake-and-johnnies-slut @gvf23 @maddytheweird @707xn @elliem505 @ilydeaky @maryx2xx @oobleoob @aemrsy @jasperthefriendlyghostt

~ if you'd like to be added to my taglist, click here!

~ my inbox is open, come chat!

[amyispxnk]

My Sunshine

Summary - Things are getting bad again and you know Joel would be there to help you in the blink of an eye, but you can't help but feel guilty for even feeling this way - so burdening him with your emotions is out of the question. You try to hide how you feel from him, but you know you can't. He knows you too well.

A/N: SO. i am positively struggling at the moment. with life and just everything. and my lonely ass is in need of some comfort, especially when i feel like.. yk, shit. and feeling like doing shit to myself which is not very good 😊. but i could not find a single comforting fic about self harm, and i get that it’s a very sensitive subject - but my god i need this comfort so please let me indulge for a moment.

And going back to how self harm is a very sensitive subject - please heed the warnings and tread carefully. this entire thing is about self harm and comfort when struggling with it, so please be cautious.

Pairing: Joel Miller x f!reader (could possibly be read as gn but I've used things like sweet girl and his girl so)

Word count: 2.1k

Warnings: self harm (not explicitly described or anything, but reader struggles with it), fluff, comfort, established relationship, angst, one mention of drugs (i used it as a.. simile, or whatever, nobody’s taking or has taken any drugs!), crying, kisses, pet names, bad thoughts, questioning the purpose of life, brief perspective change, INCREDIBLY BRIEF MENTION OF SMUT (one word.)

DO NOT COPY THIS FIC IN ANY WAY PLS AND TY.

Joel opens the door with a sigh, toeing off his boots and calling out your name as he walks into the living room, wanting nothing more than to wrap his arms around you, breathe in your comforting scent and bask in your equally comforting embrace after a hard day of work. Normally you’d be in the living room, watching TV, maybe reading a book, or in the kitchen, cooking dinner, baking something new you’d found on the internet. But you weren’t today. It’s eerily quiet and he calls out your name again, breaking the silence with his loud voice as he walks up the stairs.

“Dariln’?” He asks as he pushes open the door to your bedroom; you’re not there either. He’s ready to start panicking since he’s checked just about every room of the house when he hears your voice coming from the bathroom.

“Just a minute!” You say, and he exhales with relief when you walk out of the room and up to him, giving him a small smile. It’s one of those smiles which doesn’t make your face look brighter or your eyes crinkle at the corners, no, it’s one of those smiles which you offer to him quickly to reassure him that everything’s okay, please don’t worry about me when you’re probably so stressed already.

“How was work?” You ask as your arms come around his neck and you hug him, breathing him in, holding him a little tighter than usual.

“Was a little tiring today, our supplier messed up the size of the headers and- Sorry, probably don’t mean nothin’ to ya.” He trailed off with a sheepish smile as his right hand came to the back of your neck, tilting your head back a bit so he could kiss you.

You melted into the kiss, eyes fluttering closed as you lost yourself in it. No matter how many times you kissed him, you’d never get enough of the feeling that came with it. Joel's kiss was like a drug, and you were addicted.

His hands skim up your sides but you pull back abruptly, wrinkling your nose. “You smell, Joel. Go shower.” You chuckle weakly and hit him playfully on the chest.

“Mm, I thought you like ‘em a little dirty?” He teased, making you scoff and shake your head as a smirk crept onto your lips.

“Not today. Get.” You told him sternly, still smiling nonetheless as he walked past you to go shower. The smile slipping from your face with ease as the door slides shut behind you.

A few hours later, showers have been taken, dinner made and eaten, and the both of you are now sat on the couch. Joel decided it was a good idea to watch a movie, putting on his favourite - Curtis and Viper 2 - much to your dismay. You swore that you’ve seen this damn movie so many times you’d be able to quote the entire thing word for word, but he still put it on, insisting that it was a classic and it wasn’t like you had any better ideas anyway.

You'd both come to learn that during movie nights, you'd always end up either falling asleep on his shoulder or you were both fucking before even the halfway mark.

Tonight you were curled into Joel's side, silently watching the movie with him. Well, not really watching the movie, just kind of watching the screen. Staring at the pixels and letting the sounds of the film and the world around you in through one ear, out the other.

You were lost in your thoughts, that was happening more often nowadays, mindlessly picking at your nails as you pondered on questions that were far too heavy to ponder this late at night. What's the point of life if we're all going to die one day? Why am I always so hopeless? Why can I never find the purpose in anything? Why am I getting worse at hiding these bad feelings? What if I get too miserable one day and Joel stops loving me? What if I'm just a burden to him?

The final two questions hit you hard, making you do a sharp inhale as you suddenly sit up, startling Joel in the process.

He turns to face you wearily, eyebrows furrowed. “Baby? What's wrong?” He asks quietly, arm coming around you and pulling you back into his side as he kisses your hair.

“‘s nothing. Sorry. Just tired- I think I'm gonna go to sleep.” You mumble, gently extracting yourself from his hold.

He frowns deeper. “Y’ don't wanna stay with me and finish the movie? Even though I know you weren't watching.” He attempts to tease lightly, wanting to lift the mood.

“No, um- you stay and watch it, that's okay. I'm gonna go to sleep now. Goodnight.” You say hurriedly, forgetting to even give him a goodnight kiss before you're up the stairs and in the bedroom, closing the door a little too quickly and praying the slam of it didn't further his concern.

Your back is pressed against the door as you grip the handle tight, eyes squeezing shut as you try to slow your breathing. It's not working, and you just want it to stop. You don't want to be upset, you don't want to feel like you're drowning in your own emotions again, you don't want Joel to find you crying upstairs in your room.

And the only thing you can think of doing is harming yourself. It's been on your mind a lot recently, as your sadness starts to get a little bit too much and you can't find any way to extinguish it. It feels like it's consuming you and you can only think about the last time things got like this. About how you dealt with it.

It would be so easy. You knew how to do it. But you couldn't bring yourself to. You'd be failing him, you saw how upset he was when he found out what you were doing last time and you didn't want to make him feel bad ever again.

You just didn't want to be a burden.

The door slams upstairs and Joel’s frown deepens. His hand goes for the remote, turning off the TV. He's seen this movie enough times, he thinks.

He slowly goes up the stairs and makes his way to your bedroom, wanting to make sure everything's okay.

You were definitely a little off tonight, zoning out and not being as talkative as you normally were, giving him a reason to already be a little concerned. Then you practically ran upstairs a minute ago, seeming panicked and making him worry even more.

He's at the door now, gently coaxing it open, and he's met with darkness. Darkness and silence.

He whispers your name, closing the door behind him as he flicks the light switch on, jumping slightly when he sees that you're right there, sat on the edge of the bed.

You turn to face him and he immediately notices how your face is wet with tears, eyes swollen and red, hair slightly dishevelled.

His heart effectively breaks at the sight of you.

“Baby- what's wrong?” He asks, concerned as ever, as he rushes over to you.

You rub at your eyes furiously, blinking back any further tears as you swallow.

“Nothing- nothing's wrong, Joel-” Your voice wavers as you speak and there's clearly something wrong - why you try so hard to hide it from him is beyond him.

He gently pulls your hands away from your face and holds them together in your lap.

“There's somethin’ wrong, sweetheart. I can see it.” He says softly, his thumb brushing away another tear that’s slowly trailing down your cheek.

You're completely silent, lip quivering.

You don't want to be a burden. If you tell him, he'll get upset and then he'll try to help you, even though you feel like nobody can. You'll just end up being a burden.

You shake your head, squeezing his hand as you do.

“Baby please. Talk to me.” He pleads with you, cupping your cheek and looking at you with so much care and worry that it makes you want to sob all over again.

“I just feel like shit.” You mumble so quietly he almost missed it. “I-” you start, but you just sigh frustratedly, digging your nails into your palms. “I feel.. really bad, again. It almost feels worse this time and it just makes me want to hurt myself. To make it all stop.” You say through clenched teeth, upset and afraid and so, so angry with yourself for admitting how you feel. You do it so much easier now but only because you and Joel had worked so hard to get rid of these defensive walls you'd built around yourself, walls that forced you to conceal your feelings and bottle your emotions.

“Oh, sweet girl.” He frowns, sitting on the bed and turning you to face him a little more. You don't want to look at him. You don't want to see him getting upset and worrying about you. You can't bear it.

So you keep your eyes clamped shut and continue talking. “My thoughts were just getting so.. so loud. And I don't know how to make it stop, and I almost- I just thought it would help.” You're shaking, he can feel it. Little shivers across your entire body, making your breath tremble as you exhale and inhale shakily. “I'm so sorry, Joel. I'm sorry.” You start to sob and he feels like doing the same, because he hates seeing you like this. If he could take all the pain away, force it onto himself so you didn't have to bear it, he would.

He pulls you closer to him, into his lap as he cradles you and rocks you slightly, pressing soft kisses to your forehead and resting his head there.

“Baby, please stop apologisin’. You aren't doin’ anything wrong and.. I know it's hard. It's hard to stop yourself from relapsin’, but you've done so well. ‘m so damn proud of ya, because you've gone so long without hurtin’ yourself. And it's doin’ good for ya; you might not realise it but I do. You’re so much happier now without it, ya like a fuckin’ ball of sunshine.” He teases, making you let out a watery chuckle. He pauses for a moment to brush away your tears, pressing a gentle kiss to your lips. “I love you. So so much. And I don't want to see you in pain like that ever again. I don't want my sunshine to go away, and I don't think you want her to either.”

You nod slowly, rubbing at your face as the final tears slip past your eyelids, looking up at Joel again.

He held you and you both talked for what must have been hours after that. You discussed what was really bothering you, how you could try make it better. Distractions helped, you decided. Joel proved to be a good distraction, as you ended the night listening to him talk about just about anything from the new diner that opened up in town to that one story from his childhood which made you snort with laughter every time (one which consisted of little Joel falling ‘head over heels in love’ with a girl when he was in elementary school, deciding to profess his love to her by writing a sappy poem for her and reading it to her in front of quite a large group of people.. only to be turned down. Naturally, he would've been, considering she was a fucking 16 year-old!)

He knew that that story would be the one to make you crack a smile, even if it was a small one, he just wanted to make his girl happy again.

You did a little more than smile, giggling so much you went red because that story never really gets old.

“There she is.” He murmured affectionately, tucking a stray lock of hair behind your ear and kissing the tip of your nose, then your cheek, then your lips.

It was a brief, yet loving, one, as he pulled back from the kiss and stroked your hair as your eyes fluttered shut.

Joel pulled you closer to him, your head now resting on his chest as your eyes fluttered closed from his soothing touch.

“G’night, babygirl.” He murmured, unsurprised when you didn't answer since you had already fallen asleep.

He stares up at the ceiling and he feels happy despite everything that happened tonight, because he feels good knowing that he can give you that solace and comfort that you just need so desperately sometimes, just like he gave you in the hours that passed. He'd do it a million times and more if it was for you.

Thank you sm for reading, I hope you.. enjoyed? Likes, comments, and reblogs are appreciated and requests are open. 💞

Note: My heart really goes out to you if you struggle with self harm. It's not easy to deal with and even harder to stop doing it once you've started, but you're not alone. Even if you feel like you have no one to talk to, there are countless places and websites you can look at which offer things like helplines and anonymous chats if you're struggling, and also give healthy solutions and alternatives etc. to self harm. You're so loved. Things might seem impossible but never give up. It will get better one day.

[blood-orange-juice]

About your comment on Childe:

“I think there's something wrong with how his mind functions, he's a bit too comfortable with holding mutually exclusive ideas in his head at the same time, and his personality structure doesn't fit any personality structure that I know of (even split personality disorder), even if I make adjustments for anime logic.”

Could you talk more about what you mean by it?

(necroreply, I've been thinking about how to phrase all that)

That's a thing about him I'm still trying to understand so I'm not sure I can explain!

He just has traits that don't normally go together. Cynical and unusually trusting. Too polite for his own good and incredibly violent. Casually cruel without being sadistic. Self-centered but not self-indulgent. Has a huge ego but none of the traits that usually go with that. Cares about family so much but doesn't expect them to care in return.

Which in every separate case is not that unusual and has a perfect explanation, but then you try to combine the explanations and then *those* don't go together.

I can't come up with a model that would consistently predict him. I went through Nancy McWilliams book (my favorite psych typology) and then through DSM and I still have no idea. PTSD/cPTSD is obvious but PTSD is not a personality type.

Humans are rarely pure types but normally you can pinpoint a pattern of psychological defence mechanisms the person prefers. And with him I kiiiind of can but real life people with these defence mechanisms don't normally behave like him.

I can't even decide on the level of functioning (he's clearly not psychotic but that's about it).

Like... yeah, some fit better than the others but it feels like that Kyoto garden where you can never see all 15 stones at the same time, one is always blocked from view by the others. No matter what model I pick there's always a detail or two that don't fit it.

Human mind simply doesn't bend at those angles.

Theoretically I could explain it with him having multiple personalities he switches between but he's obviously not written like that and DID has its own rules too so it doesn't quite fit either.

(bonus: it's very fun to look at Maslow's hierarchy of needs with Childe in mind. he has it all filled. the whole pyramid, just in unexpected ways.

the boy is living his best life, it's just not a human life)

[marleysfinest]

I'm going to kick off my own event and shout about some of the angels who have made life truly exceptional. more 2 come!!!! I will not be cutting I'm sorry y'all are just gonna have to witness who these incredible human beans are

✨@pisspope; my spouse across the waves. the other half of my soul. the one who turned my head and made me retire the phrase of never fucking with the jaegers. u inspire me every day and the fact I get to call you a friend is insanity actually and I love u bitch

✨@fromriches-tosin; it's actually beyond my comprehension how talented u are. ruler of reijean, your fics have given me HOURS of eating the most delicious content in the world. shady queen I value so much from our home in the stables

✨ @sailorspica; it has been nothing short of an honour to be here while u discover self-shipping mrs ackerman. your writing is some of the best I've ever read and I hope u realise how gifted you are!! thank u also for turning me on to chappell roan, I fear I would've been stuck in the dark ages without u

✨@oxygenbefore1775; somehow u have been blessed not only by an immense storytelling talent but u are also an incredible artist??? the bridging tongues art will continue to live in my head rent-free until the end of time. I'm extremely grateful we can discuss period-era sukuna together

✨@strawberrystepmom; simply the kindest sweetest soul I've ever known. kendy u are sunshine personified; perhaps u did bring one s*guru g*to into my life but I forgive u. not only are you a beacon of goodness and joy you are also such a talented writer and hilariously funny. ily kendy!!!

✨@quiveringdeer; nat I gotta be honest and tell the people you are the reason I'm still here!! the first person to reach out to me when I set up this lil blog and indulge and inspire me!! I'm smooching u always!!

✨@ssslime; rorybeb I am always so elated to hear from u. you make me laugh so so so much and I'm so happy to know u. you make me feel sane when I'm bellyaching about Momming and for that I will love u until the end of time

✨@neiptune; supremely talented writer, artist, my sworn enemy. need I say more???

✨@vampyrsm; cor unum changed my life and I'm so serious when I say that. I can't adequately put into words both how much I enjoyed that fic from a story perspective and also ur intoxicating writing style. your creativity is an inspiration!!

✨@pavloves-dog; leigh I always know I can get filthy with u and ykw? that's invaluable. I simply cannot put a price on it. u r such a sweetheart and I'm so happy to know u; whether I will still be saying this when naoya is animated WE'LL SEE

✨@bloompompom; the other half of the duo making me Fuck With The Jaegers. bloomy ur art is perfection to me; ur talent is unbelievable and I'm so happy I get to witness it truly!! u r an inspiration!!!

[aihoshiino]

If Ai had lived, what kind of parent do you think she would have been to teenage Aqua and Ruby?

luckily for you anon, I have spent a truly healthy [<- lie] amount of time thinking about this!!! This is going to inevitably dip into how Ruby and Aqua are both changed by having her in their lives just because that obviously matters to how she and the twins interact but... honestly at this point if you're following me, my bi-weekly unhinged essays about the Hoshinos are what you're here for.

Also worth noting before I get into it that I'm purposely not thinking too hard about Current Things in the manga like the documentary Gotanda was working on or the DVDs........ we know so little about them I can't really factor them into my rambles here lol so consider this just my most ideal happy end AU for the Hoshinos.

Anyway, I think it goes without saying that Ai would continue being an excellent mom to Aqua and Ruby. There would likely be some bumps in the road following B-Komachi's dome performance as her fame and increased demand puts pressure on her time and energy but Ai's priority is and will always be her babies so I can definitely see her and Miyako having a Stern Talk with Ichigo at some point to make sure Ai isn't overbooked to the extent that she can't spend time with them lol.

I also have a totally self indulgent AU based on Emiya Gohan that lives in my head, based around the framing device of Ai wanting to learn how to cook so she can make proper food for the twins as they grow up... my read of Ai is that she has a lot of issues relating to food security as a result of the abuse & neglect she went through, so being able to make good food for her own children and sort of rewrite her own relationship with food and cooking would be really healing for her.

Something also interesting to consider is the question of whether Ai would have been able to work through enough of her baggage regarding expressing her love to Aqua and Ruby... it takes such a desperate a raw moment for her to finally conquer that fear in canon that it's hard for me to imagine it happening in anything less than an equally cathartic moment, you know? At the same time, I really love the idea of Ai's slow progress towards healing eventually allowing her to do it without that kind of urgent pressure... instead of dying, Ai lives so hard she can eventually overcome that fear by her own strength!!!

I also think there would be a lot more moments like Ai and Ruby's dance with both of the twins – moments of Ai helping them both to untangle the trauma and baggage they carry from their past lives just through the simple act of loving and supporting them as their mother. Both Ruby and Aqua are explicitly described as being children "who never had a mother in the real sense" before their rebirth – for Sarina, she suffered the emotional abuse and neglect of living with a toxic mother who centered and prioritized her own feelings of grief and pain to such a degree that she completely abandoned her dying daughter. For Gorou, he grew up in the shadow of his mother's death as a result of childbirth complications, blaming himself and carrying the burden of his grandparents' grief and expectations in ways that are implied to have strained his relationships with them and left him without a real mother in his life.

Not only is this a healing experience for the twins, it's also ugely cathartic for Ai, too. As I've mentioned before, Ruby's "it's okay for me to dance!" scene with Ai is soooo incredibly powerful because it's about these two victims of toxic motherhood finding safety, healing and empowerment in the wholly loving and supportive parent/child relationship they build together. In general, the Hoshino family is a safe place where these three people who suffered abuse, neglect and the absence of loving mothers could find a place to heal and be loved.

Because of this, while I don't think that Aqua and Ruby would be hugely different on the surface going into their teens, a ton of stuff under the hood would be massively impacted. I like to think that growing up with Ai as a positive influence in their lives would have allowed them to essentially lay Gorou and Sarina to rest much sooner than in canon – not to forget or erase those memories, necessarily, but to definitively move on as their own people, having purified Gorou and Sarina's lingering regrets and trauma and being able to wholeheartedly embrace their new happiness as Aqua and Ruby.

This also means that they both have a much healthier relationship with Ai, in a lot of ways. I don't think they'll ever stop putting her on a bit of a pedestal but more in the way that a lot of people do if they grow up with a loving and good mom. On that note, I also like to think that with Gorou's weird baggage not causing such a conflict that Aqua might actually start calling Ai "mom"....... it makes me so depresso that he never did.....!!!

Without the weight of Ai's death hanging over them and her full and loving support at their backs, Aqua and Ruby still find their way into the entertainment industry, though for different reasons. Without his guilt getting in the way of doing things he enjoys, Aqua can admit to himself that he enjoys acting and tentatively pursues it through his childhood as the protégé of Gotanda again but in happier circumstances. He has similar initial hurdles as he does in canon wrt comparing himself negatively to Ai and underselling his strengths, but Ai would have a good talk with him about valuing what he brings to the table and not worrying about matching up to anyone else. Eventually, he becomes pretty focused on like, weirdo ass self produced projects he does a lot of the work on (acting, directing and producing) that don't make a huge splash in the mainstream necessarily but are well beloved in niche and horror circles and Aqua's happy with his work entirely because it's his and he's happy to make it, which is most important.

Ruby follows a similar track as she does in canon with becoming a member of the second generation of B Komachi, still driven by love and admiration for her mom but from a much healthier and happier place. Rather than feeling like she has to live up to Ai's image in her absence, she is inspired by Ai's presence in her life, her active support and encouragement and her boundless love and excitement to see her kids do what makes them happy. The canonical B-Komachi gen 2 still come together in mostly the same ways because I love them too much to separate them but this time, they're directly mentored by Ai and go full force through the industry with her support.

Eventually, I do think the three of them go public about their family - probably around the time the twins have graduated from high school, just to properly allow them the chance to be relatively normal kids without the scandal and pressure of being Ai's children hanging over their heads. It definitely causes a bit of an explosion, but I think by then Ai would have successfully transitioned from being purely an idol and would be more of a general household name/celeb, so there isn't as much outcry, but it definitely still stirs up some trouble that she and the kids have to weather.

At the end of the day, though, her presence in their lives would be a huge boon to them and it results in all three of the Hoshinos being much happier and healthier people. This response uh got a way from me a little and turned into like a whole AU pitch but what are we here for if not to delulu ourselves about scenarios where the Hoshinos could be happy..............

[rabbitprintart]

okay I need to get this outta my system because realistically I won't be able to draw this in a while but at least wanna write down my head cannons and au AND I'M DRIVING MYSELF INSANE EVERY NIGHT!!!

Anyways, I've been meaning to make/explore an au where Trigun takes place in my motherland of Tierra Caliente, yes I know it's incredibly self indulgent, but where I live, questions of climate change and agriculture are constant within the community, it's a weeeee bit lawless, and I can see so many opportunities of weaving those ideas together with those of the original Trigun series. I just think the reason Trigun speaks to so many of us Mexicans is for the same reason we have an insane clown culture, or the "laugh now, cry later" attitude. I have never seen 2 anime/characters that embody the Mexican spirit and struggle like fucking Vash the Stampede and Nicholas Wolfwood (if you ignore the DragobBall IP lol). So far the ideas that I have are:

Vash and Knives, and all the plant aliens, are representations of ancestral Mesoamerican culture of having intricate stories about twins, duality, and nature. Really wanna dig into the idea of Vash being some kind off shoot of Quetzalcoatl and Knives of Tezcatlipoca, probably even paint Knives in a more charismatic light because tbh my man has some points and I don't blame him lol. Knives does remind me a lot of the cynical Mexican who has been wronged so much in his life that he can not understand a world that isn't evil therefore sees the only solution the destruction of all, just pure nihilism. It's unfortunately more common than you think, especially in men :{

Really weave in Mesoamerican thought, art, and philosophy with Mexican Catholicism. It will be more obvious through Wolfwood, and it makes a lot of sense in my mind since a lot of Rancho people unknowingly hold onto our native thoughts and customs without realizing, even if it has been repackaged through Catholicism (ex: Dia de los Muertos)

Commentary on the insane chokehold the idea of Family as the supreme value in Mexican people through Knives

Ranchero Wolfwood, El Dark (Darks means Goth in Mexican Spanish slang lol) Vash

OKAY NOW FOR THE ONE THAT ABSOLUTELY IS KILLING ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Plants are seen as saints by the average Mexican even if the majority don't know about the plant angels inside, so much so that they are constantly offered milagros and have town celebrations for them, but they all have been slowly exploited and killed by the humans who were meant to protect them due to greed. Vash has a collection of the milagros he has salvaged from all his sister's graves and he ties them into his coat. Knives also does this, but they both do it for different motives, Knives mainly does this is as a reminder for his hatred of humanity, Vash mainly for his love for his people and endearment towards humans for thinking well of them, a reminder that he is not much of a monster as he has been made to believe. I literally made myself so emotional last night because I imagined Wolfwood making a milagro shaped in the Passionate Heart of Christ and offers it to Vash right before he dies LIKE SHUT UP! SHUT THE FUCK UP!!! SHUT UP ME!!!!!! ME VOY A MATAR !!!!! AAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

In conclusion : Nightow, you are more Mexican than you think, I'm giving you the beaner pass

*cultural context for the non-Mexicans: Milagros are these tiny, usually silver, metal charms that are sown into the velvet of Mexican Catholic statues/icons as a sign of gratitude, a commitment of lifetime devotion, and appreciation for the idol for helping the individual make their prayer come true. Basically, people go to a saint, angel, etc., pray for them to help them (Most common prayers are to physically heal wounds, help with addictions, grief, have children, etc), and if the prayer is answered (the person is healed, they get their dream partner, have kids, etc), then the figure will be offered a Milagro that takes shape of the miracle (a healed leg, breasts for breast cancer, eyes, hearts, etc) and the devotee will sow it into the idol's clothes or their altar as an affirmation of their power and existence.

[sicksadgames]

Into the Blind, and Wot I Like about Space Stuff

I've been working on this for a while in between breaks updating As the Sun Forever Sets. Why is my idea of a break from writing games just writing a different game? I have dumb bitch disease. I wanted to talk about some of the inspirations for it.

Welcome to The Rim

Into the Blind is a sci fi game about a group of gig economy workers living contract to contract on the roiling, wild edge of space. It's about CRT screens, mechanical keyboards, junction boxes, pipes and wires. It's about the unknown, the stresses of capital, and horror - visceral and ephemeral. It's about working hard jobs in dangerous conditions for little pay, and the chance of a better life. 

You are a Freelancer - Salvager, Shipbreaker, Courier, Bodyguard, Assassin, First Responder, Negotiator, Investigator, Debt Collector. A Freelancer is any and all of these, depending on the contract. You'll take whatever you can get to make ends meet. 

Every job you do balances your need to pay the rent on your ship against your desire to remain alive. Grab what you can, get paid, and stay alive.

If this sounds cool to you, you can grab a free preview (with the old name) below.

Let me show you my favourite space things

Ok, time for the self indulgent ramblings.

(Potential) Spoilers for: Gravity, Interstellar, Contact, Arrival, The Expanse, the Alien series, the Thing, Annihilation, Homeworld: Cataclysm and Magnetic Rose.

Physics and Feelings at 10km/s

There are a lot of sci-fi horror TTRPGS out there. Like a lot a lot. Mothership, Death in Space, the Alien RPG, You're in Space and Everything's Fucked, the list goes on and on. Not that that matters - people should make the games they wanna make and I wanted to make a scary sci-fi game with spaceships, so eh fuck it.

Something I realised while writing stuff for Into the Blind and working on the system is that the themes and feeling of a lot of the sci-fi stuff I'm into didn't revolve around a towering monster skulking around dark spaceship. Like, sure, Into the Blind will have a nasty alien somewhere, I don't need to say that I like Alien or talk about why it's good (I do, it is, and I'm going to), but there's more to write about than monsters. Space is already intrinsically stressful and horrifying:

Neil Degrasse Tyson and Chris Hadfield can shut the fuck up, Gravity has some of the scariest, tensest scenes in a movie I've ever seen in my fucking life. After watching this you could never pay me enough to go to space. The only enemy here is inertia, the only monster are the principles of physics that cause a cloud of debris to whip through orbit at 22,000 miles an hour.

Aside from the spectacle, Gravity is a film about finding the will to go on when you have nothing to live for and everything's against you. It's heavily implied that Dr Stone went to space because she's tired of existing on earth (or at least that's my read). She wants mercy and relief from the pain of her life, and watching it you want to gift it to her so badly, but the debris field crashes into her life over and over. It's a relentless, uncaring solar tide that returns like clockwork when to fuck her up any time she gets a break.

These extreme forces also generate incredible tragedy and loss. Interstellar is kind of a dumb movie but despite the memes about this scene it always gets me. You don't know what you have until it's gone, and sometimes the distance between you knowing you've lost something and it becoming lost can (thanks to black holes and weird gravity stuff) slip by you in an age that feels like an instant.

Both Gravity and Interstellar have soft, beating hearts encased behind the layers of radiation shielding, technobabble and worn metal, and when the colossal forces that make the universe turn rip it open, they're laid bare.

That's a fucking cool thing to make a game about!

Indistinguishable from Magic

I'm not a big brain science person, when it comes to wormholes, relativity, folding space time and all that, I don't really get it. I just know that it's cool as hell and opens the door to powerful character stories about finding meaning and confronting your feelings at the edge of our understanding of reality.

Contact and Arrival are two sides of the same movie to me. Both are heavily grounded in big Theory and big Science Words, both are about powerful sciencey girlbosses who've lost something dear to them (one in the future, one in the past.) Contact leans more towards the hard science approach, but both are at their best when they're balanced on the edge of the plausible and the implausible. They're both about the incredible, incomprehensible nature of the universe. They're both about people who change the world, in ways both vast impercievable to everyone else.

They're both stories of hope and benevolence, but Contact frames this through 90's optimism and the power of nations working together towards a common goal (it's so optimistic, even the villain-coded megacorporation decides to help out, which uhhhh), Arrival frames these themes through personal tragedy - Dr Banks pays a high price to save humanity from itself.

Behind the calculations and clipboards and theories, these are stories about personal discovery, love and heartache.

These are also fucking cool things to make games about!

Magnetic Rose is probably the single biggest influence on Into the Blind - there's a full adventure heavily inspired by it in the preview. It's just so good. The visual design and animation are simultaneously grounded and real yet brilliantly beautiful and surreal. It's tragic gothic horror at the dark, gritty edge of space, and it's so good at being sad. The penultimate scenes in heart of the tomb-like space station, surrounded by rank brown water and decaying metal are heartwrenching. Heintz is tormented by visions of his past and you feel it so hard. The film doesn't care to tell you how this is all happening - are his memories ghosts? holograms? hallucinations? It only cares about the why, and it's incredible.

Breathable Air Prepayment Meters

It's been ages since I watched The Expanse, so I'm not gonna dwell on it too much, but what I remember focused heavily on how capital and government care little about those they govern and sell to.

The level that our existence is monetised and used as a cudgel against us currently can surely only expand along with our expansion into the stars. You can go there right now if you have enough money to do so, and when life beyond earth becomes feasible, the companies that financed it will need someone to clean the ducts and polish the solar arrays. The amount of things that can be sold to you can only increase out in space. You think rents are high now? Wait till you see the price of a 1 bedroom apartment in orbit around Mars. Add nice breathable mix of nitrogen and oxygen to your list of monthly outgoings. You think you'll be able to repair your C02 scrubbers without voiding the warranty? Fuck no.

The Alien movies are obviously (despite what some grognards on twitter dot com will tell you) deeply about extreme capitalism. The galaxy is ruled by companies that could not care less about you, and the bottom line is all that matters. This kinda matters less and less as the films wear on, but the first 3 are all about working class people sacrificed on the altar of the interstellar dollar.

Alien 3 in particular has a lot of problems, but the edgy teen in me is still really fond of this scene. It's doing a Big Foreshadow (Do you get it? The alien is like.. the flower he's talking about right? But the flower is bad?) But it feels like an appropriate lament for prisoners on the ass end of space. Despite what the company wants you to believe, the inmates of Fury 161 don't deserve to die, aren't expendable.

We all have flowers within us waiting to grow, out from the shadow of capital.

You might've noticed mentions of a nasty guy in those last clips.

Ok fine, also Monsters

We all love a little nasty guy, I cannot resist the pull of the weird monster that does Big Themes. Like I said, there's so much TTRPG stuff focused on them for good reason And space is ripe for the nastiest of guys.

There's really nothing more to be said about The Thing, it just fucking rules. It's a movie that cares as much about what a monster can do to peoples bodies as what it can do to their minds and relationships.

What a horrible fate for Sheppard. The idea of Annihilations mutant bear is just so sinister it makes my gut drop whenever I re-watch it. Again, not much else to be said about this movie. It rips.

Homeworld: Cataclysm is a weird game. It's a survival horror.. strategy game? Set in space? Where you never see a single person?? And somehow it's voice acting and plot is incredible???

The Beast is the nickname for the microorganism that emerges from the millenia old wreckage the mining vessel Kuun-Lan happens upon whilst scouring deep space for valuable minerals. The threat it presents is so real and visceral, it's one of those "if this hits our planet, it's so over" monsters, and it's obscenely scary and gruesome. Even the Bentusi, a race of nigh-on ageless benevolent machine beings are absolutely terrified, and try to abandon the galaxy in the face of it (they fear their biological minds will be trapped in their machine bodies if they're taken over by The Beast, locked in and forced to watch what it does to the galaxy. Damn.)

The scene where you and your fleet fight the Bentusi as they try to evacuate known space to force them to help you is intense and incredible. You're fighting gods, and all you can do is crash against their incredible technology again and again like a stiff breeze, pleading for help and humanity. You shame them into taking responsibility for helping the mortals in the galaxy against this ancient threat. That's the fear inspired by The Beast.

Thank you for coming to my Space Ted Talk

I told you it was self indulgent huh. Hopefully this goes some way to explaining what I'm going for with this game. Not only monsters, but the experiences of people trapped by incredible forces of nature, corporations and circumstance. Not only horror, but exploitation, sadness, love, longing and loss. Thanks for reading.

Again, if you want to check out Into the Blind, you can get the free preview below, and follow me on Itch to get notified for when game releases (soon? idk)

[sweetdreamsbuck]

take my hand

beefy lumberjack!bucky x f!reader (lumby and bunny au)

wc: 2.2k

prompt: can't skate, gonna need someone to hold my hand

warnings: too much fluff. bucky is sickeningly in love

for col's Winter Wonderland writing challenge and sleepover! this is the first writing challenge I've ever done– seems fitting it's for you! thank you for inspiring me, always. <3 @foreverindreamlandd

a/n: this is a difficult time of year. sending all my love and super self-indulgent thoughts hehe.

happy holidays, my loves❄️🧸☃️🤎

𝐢 𝐝𝐨 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐠𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐬𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐞, 𝐜𝐨𝐩𝐲, 𝐨𝐫 𝐬𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐲 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐲 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤.

“Y’almost got the hang of it!” You most certainly do not.

Bucky tries to tug you along the ice, his hand secure in your double-gloved one– per his insistence on keeping you extra warm– but it’s no use. The ground stutters laughably beneath each attempt of sliding your feet.

Bucky’s never seen anything so adorable before; you’re awful.

Of course, to make matters worse, they’re all gifted on ice– Maria drifts by with a graceful spin, a howling Scott and Natasha racing just behind.

“C’mon Bunny, just slide your feet in time with mine. Small strides, like this,” he demonstrates the movement away from you in hopes your body will be able to mimic the action.

It won’t. You can’t.

“Can’t you just carry me? This holding my hand thing isn’t working,” you whine. Bucky laughs ignoring your groans, grabbing your face and kissing the corner of your mouth until you smile.

“Nope! I need to see you twirlin’ around first and then,” his thumb brushes over your bottom lip longingly, “we’ll talk. But I gotta go get the living room ready, stay out here with Maria, yeah?” He smiles at you– like he’s never witnessed something more worthy of his worship– with the radiance of every last ray of sun, warm and at rest in his stare.

And after the incredible day you’ve all had, this was the last thing on his list before the sun disappeared for the evening. This morning, he’d bundled you in too many cable-knit layers (and then an additional one just to be safe), an oversized coat, and thick garments for your neck, hands, and feet. But watching you bounce on the ice again and again… he wishes he added a few more.

Bucky had everything planned down to the very second; from the beginning dimmings of the sky’s glow so the fairy lights hanging from the cabin into the trees would shine just right, to the dough being rolled out, cut into intricate shapes to be placed in the oven with ample amount of cooling time– can’t have the icing melt off the tops, Bunny. Needs to be perfect for you.

Steve and Natasha had spent over an hour untwining the offending garland and string lights that Sam had managed to knot together, while you and Torres got a head start at throwing plastic balls and pine cones up the side of the smallest of the giant pines encompassing the cabin.

The last tray of cookies had been placed in the oven while the canola oil was set out for the potato mixture, waiting to be fried in Bucky’s special pan– his ma’s old one she only used this time of year.

The success of today was important to him for more reasons than one. He finally has something strong, something certain, worth making memories with– ones that will last him a lifetime and replace all the pain that's led him to now. Bucky only wants to share everything he is with you.

Including the small frozen pond; which Scott, Steve, and Sam tested their weight on, year after year, hopeful they’d bring a little cheer back into Bucky’s life.

Upon his request, of course, you’ll stay out here. Bucky wasn’t asking– he had everything meticulously pinned like points on a map. You know better than to derail any of his plans. So your brilliant grin and sweet hum against the warmth of his cheek is enough to guarantee he’ll be okay leaving you with his friends for a bit.

With a feigned mutter of disapproval, a 'you carry me everywhere, but now it’s an issue?' and an accompanying pucker of your lips, Bucky reluctantly watches as Maria hauls you away, taking over as skating instructor. He shimmies his skates off before shoving his boots back on, joining Steve to get his cabin all set for watching your favorite holiday movie.

****

Bucky can’t help himself, the window is right near the couch he’s meant to be fixing the blankets on. He spent weeks planning this. Hours getting all the lights outlining his cabin just right, dangling them from branches and trunks alike. He needed this to be pristine, for you. Pausing to look out was too tempting, a perfect distraction directly in his line of sight at the mess of people dancing around the ice. Specifically, on you. His Bunny, right at home with his family.

And oh– how you shine. You're impossible to miss, the center of it all, always. To Bucky, anyway.

Bucky blinks with a particular tunnel vision these days, a fixation on the most beautiful thing that’s ever stumbled into his life. The window’s fogged and he’s thankful, for once, that he forgot to clean it better; a frost-tinted circle illuminating your ambrosial luster.

And while quickly moving to place an additional few logs on the fire, he can't fight the urge to get back outside to you. You love curling up against his chest right in front of the flames, warm cream colored blankets and sweet kisses shared until Bucky's reeling, flushed scarlet and suffocating for more.

“What’s on your mind, Buck?” Steve wonders.

They wordlessly walk out of the cabin and down the porch steps, transfixed with the painting of Joaquin and Sam twisting you unwillingly around the ice.

Steve clears his throat.

But Bucky’s somewhere else entirely, your squeals of frightened joy are running circles between his ears, rendering him breathless in a moment he never wants to leave. From the moment just a half hour ago you spoke so softly, "Need you to hold my hand Lumby, what if I suck? Never done this before", to now– he watches on with an ardent tenderness bleeding from his eyes in the shape of you. Sam pushes at your hips from behind, directing your laughing frame wobbling straight into a panicked Torres.

Bucky’s so tragically in love with you.

“Her.”

Your skate catches the bottom of Sam’s too-long jeans, sending you both toppling to the ground in a heap of broad shoulders and heavy limbs– courtesy of a painfully groaning Joaquin and cackling Sam. Steve smiles, observing Bucky take in the picture before him, a low chuckle rumbling within his knowing chest: there’s nothing like watching your best pal falling more and more, so deeply in love, Steve thinks. He nods.

“Mine too.”

“And what’s my girl doin’ in your thoughts?” Bucky smirks, eyes grudgingly leaving your triumphant pose on top of your conquered pile of a bickering Sam and Joaquin. When he meets Steve’s eyes, he finds a noble grin.

“I’m thankin’ her. Never seen you like this, so…” Steve gestures to him, a grand wave of his arms Bucky feels deep in his chest, “So happy. Bucky, she’s–”

“Bucky! Bucky, help me!” They both whip their heads at the excited sound, the two men once face-first on the ice and under your victorious smirk now standing tall on their blades with you lifted high above their heads. Maria and Natasha jump up from their bench to rush to your rescue, hurling insults in between fits of laughter at the two idiots passing you round and round in swooping circles.

Steve looks to his friend, and in Bucky's contentment he sees it– adoration and fondness and relief vibrating warmly.

Bucky melts– his bunny and his best friends. And they adore his girl almost as much as he does. He couldn’t feel more alive.

“Torres! Wilson! Put my girl down, I swear if I find even a scratch on her–”

“You have her in like nine layers. Think she’ll be fine, if she doesn’t pass out from heat exhaustion first…” Sam mumbles securing his arms tightly around your middle, dodging the raucous taunts of the two women before placing you on shaky legs.

You stay standing for a solid three seconds, the air returning to your overexerted lungs. One slide of your foot, then the other. Just like Bucky showed you, left, right, le– your body meets ice.

Shrill mirth fills the woods at, yet again, another fumble of your own two legs. With an enamored chuckle, Bucky moves swiftly, hoping to get to you before another fall occurs. He’s never seen a person fall so much in his damn life.

“So. I’m terrible at this,” the dejected huff swirls past you both in a frozen gust of air. Your body shivers in a tired sulk, working hard to remember what it feels like to be standing. Bucky bends down and aids you out of your skates, shouting for Scott to toss him your boots. Right foot then left, and he secures the thick socks he made you wear over the tops of the laces.

Bucky looks up at you, a satisfied sound whispered into the frigid evening. There’s a playful pity swimming within his features. But his eyes always betray him, completely overflowing with his adoration for you. It nearly knocks you off of your feet, dizzy and back spinning ‘round icy ground. The entrance to the fence that encases the pond snags on your puffy parka and Bucky grabs at your wrists, sliding his thumbs gently down to the thick fabric concealing those precious lifelines of yours. He brings the tops of them to his mouth with a gentle hum.

Nothing feels more secure than falling into the safety Bucky’s presence brings. He stands, plump lips never leaving your knuckles for a second.

As if the evening was expecting you both, frost-bitten air and the last swirls of daylight envelop you in a greeting of serenity. The lights still glimmer and your friends still laugh and yell, but the evening permits you to forget all of that for a moment.

Looking into Bucky’s eyes feels a lot like home.

And the stunning blues have no intention of leaving your sweet face, sulking up at him with the echoes of crystalized wonder and the twinkling from up above dusting along your features– how could he even feel an ounce of sympathy toward you? Not when your pout entices him like nothing else on this goddamned green earth ever could. Nothing could hold a candle to it.

“Wouldn’t say that Bun,” he decides with a solemn shake of his head, squeezing your fingers within his hold, “You’re not terrible. Just not ready… for public viewing, is all.” A short nod and a hopeful smile search to brighten the affected expression on your face. But it isn’t until he leans down with his nose nudging yours, a teasing pout of his lips on your cold skin, an arm sliding behind your hip urging you closer with a sigh against your cheek that you feel it.

He’d do anything to keep you happy.

It’s evident in the glistening snow nestled within the thick sea of evergreen, its sparkling hue all around you– in the sloppily decorated tree just a few feet shy of the pond– in the group of friends he gathered together just to remind you how loved you are, even during the most difficult season of the year. Bucky’d spend hours milling through his ma’s old recipes to find the perfect cookies and those latkes he remembers enjoying years ago. He’d even go as far as tell a little lie no one could possibly ever believe, that you weren’t in fact hazardous on skates, even if it is just the two of you that hear it. He’d bear long hours in the harsh winds of winter for something other than labor, for a gathering of family his girl knows love him to no end, just to see her showered with the same sentiment– to see that smile.

Nothing about loving you is akin to labor.

But then your lips curl, a small giggle bubbling past your once frustrated pout until the sweet sound blooms, swells, stealing the rhythm straight from his chest. And Bucky’s heart soars, from the very depths of his rib cage to the confines of your wool-clad hands, all from just the blinding smile you have only for him.

Candle: lit.

Your hands reach for his cheeks just as they flush crimson, a startling contrast to the scenery surrounding you. Bucky nearly evaporates, right there.

His pulse is thunderous, urging him to delight in nothing but your joy enduringly. Bucky can’t control it, it croons I love you, I love you, I love you.

You’re breathtaking.

He’d never tell his friends he planned today just for you, of how he stocked his kitchen with baking supplies and festive decor just to watch the happiness sparkling, so alive in your eyes.

Bucky’s anything but subtle. His heart beats only with the air of your affections– his friends know.

“C’mon sweet girl,” Bucky’s nose smushes against your hairline, his kiss warming your chilled forehead. “We’ve got cookies to decorate. Can’t let Sam find ‘em or they’ll be gone before we know it.”

At the sight of Bucky’s reverent lips descending the span of your face, Steve turns to head back to the cabin. With a heavy smack of his arm around Sam’s shoulders and a smile spread proudly across both of their faces, they let their friend take all the time he needs. Natasha’s grin twitches softly, watching Bucky sing of his love for you with every glide of his lips against your skin, with every breath that fills his lungs.

Bucky continues on, reaching and pulling for every little laugh you’ll give him, sparing no expense for the feelings of his friends: "Maria’s terrible on ice, did’ya even see her out there? Nearly knocked poor Torres on his ass.” No, that was you, actually. And you did. “Scott took all the marshmallows, can’t let him find out about our secret stash, kay?” He keeps them in an old tea container, they taste of bergamot. “Stevie thinks he’ll make a better gingerbread house than us, you believe that punk?” He only said that to get Bucky riled up.

Sam hears it– they all do. You hardly attempt to quiet your delight whenever Bucky gets you snuggled close, wrapped entirely bare in his need to be your everything.

A hurried kiss teases his stubble, then graces his lips, and your arm entangles itself around his own until the tips of fingers interlock in a charm of whispered giggles. And while walking the length of the winter wonderland he’s created for you, hyper and giddy and so full of emotion, your heart thanks him.

They all hear Bucky prod, the cheap digs and the silly goading; not a single one of them has the means to chide– they know. Their friend has finally found peace, tightly woven within the grasp of a warm woolen hand.

[justlemmeadoreyou]

bit of an odd (??? maybe it isnt but i never see anything like it so… to me its odd) request😭

harry and reader who is his little sister (by like a considerable amount… like maybe even 10 years) coming out as lesbian (this is incredibly self indulgent because i didnt really get to come out😭) bonus points if she’s a dancer (i’m self-indulgent. okay.)

if someones already got a similar concept going so you don’t want to do the same, that’s fine!!!!!!! (but drop the @ if thats the case)

Soul's Epiphany

word count: 830

warnings: LGBTQIA+ themed content

my masterlist | ask box | my ko-fi

Once upon a time, in a quiet suburban neighborhood, there lived a young girl named Yn. She was not your ordinary girl; she had a passion for dance that made her stand out. Yn's graceful moves, her fluidity on the dance floor, and how she expressed her soul through dance were mesmerizing.

Yn had an older brother named Harry, who was always there for her. With a considerable age gap of about ten years, Harry took on a protective role in her life. Their bond was strong, a testament to the love they had for each other. Harry watched as Yn grew into a beautiful and talented dancer, but he also saw all the struggles she faced as she figured out her own identity.

Yn had known for a while that she was different from other girls her age. She couldn't quite put her finger on it, but she knew there was something that set her apart. As she got older, she began to understand what it was - she was a lesbian. This realization had brought her both relief and anxiety. She was relieved to understand her own identity, but she worried about how her family and friends might react.

One evening, Yn decided it was time to share her truth with Harry. They were sitting in the living room, Yn fidgeting with her fingers while Harry was engrossed in his book.

"Harry, can I talk to you about something?" she finally asked.

Harry looked up from his book, concern strewn across his face. "Sure, Yn. You can talk to me about anything. What's on your mind?"

She took a deep breath, her heart pounding in her chest. "I've realized something about myself, something important. I'm a-a lesbian, Harry."

Harry put his book down to give his little sister his undivided attention. He could see the mix of emotions in her eyes – vulnerability, fear, and a tiny glimmer of hope. His face softened, and he scooted forward and held her hands in his, before replying "Yn, I'm glad you feel comfortable sharing this with me, love. I love you, and nothing will change that. You're still the same amazing person you've always been."

Tears welled up in Yn's eyes as she felt a wave of relief wash over her. She had been so afraid of how her brother would react, but his unconditional love and support were a soothe for her.

Over the next few weeks, Harry and Yn talked about her journey of self-discovery. Harry listened to her experiences, her fears, and her hopes for the future. He became her confidant, someone she could lean on during the challenging times ahead.

As Yn continued to grow as a dancer, she found the courage to come out to her parents and close friends. She faced her fears head-on and discovered that the people who truly loved her accepted her for who she was.

With Harry's never-ending support, Yn's confidence began to soar. She decided to take a bold step forward by coming out to her dance troupe, a group of talented dancers she had considered her second family for years. It was during one of their practice sessions, a time when she felt most connected to all of them, that she decided to share her truth.

The dancers gathered in the studio, ready to begin their routine. Yn, her heart pounding with anticipation, took a deep breath. "Hey, everyone, I have something important to tell you."

The room fell silent as her friends turned to look at her. Yn could see a mix of curiosity and concern on their faces. She continued, her voice steady, "I want to share that I'm a lesbian. It's an important part of who I am, and I wanted you all to know."

A few seconds of silence hung in the air, but then something incredible happened. One by one, her fellow dancers began to applaud. The applause grew louder and turned into cheers and hugs. Yn felt an overwhelming sense of acceptance and support.

Her best friend and fellow dancer, Emily, pulled Yn into a tight embrace. "Yn, we love you no matter who you are. We're so proud of you for being your true self."

Yn's heart swelled with gratitude. She knew that coming out wouldn't always be met with such warmth and acceptance, but she was grateful to have a group of friends who stood by her side.

As time passed, Yn's journey continued. She used her experiences and emotions as a source of inspiration for her dance routines. Her performances took on a new depth and authenticity, resonating with audiences on a profound level that she had never imagined.

Yn's journey of self-discovery and coming out as a lesbian not only strengthened her bond with Harry but also with her family, friends, and dance troupe. She learned that love and acceptance could overcome fear and prejudice, and her passion for dance continued to flourish, stronger than ever.

She had found her true self, and she danced her way through life, touching the hearts of everyone who she met throughout her journey.

>>>

hi anon! i hope you are okay, and this message reaches you. i'm so so deeply sorry that you weren't able to come out on your own terms, and i hope you're okay. always know that you are loved and cherished by everyone here. if you ever feel like talking, i am always here for you ❤️🫶

>>>

p.s.-> i am truly sorry if i made some mistakes in this one, feel free to correct me!

>>>

taglist: @freedomfireflies @gurugirl @thechaoticjoy @styleslover-1994 @gem1712 @ellaorchard @bxbyysstuff @opheliaofficial07 @rafaaoli @tchlamqtsgf @the-mouse27 @indierockgirrl @vrittivsanghavi @walkingintheheartbreaksatellite @drewrry @babyiamperfectforyou @avalentina

feel free to tell me if you want to be added or removed! xoxo

[catofadifferentcolor]

Terrible Fic Idea #85: The Old Guard, but make it Assassin's Creed

My brother has always been a big fan of Assassin's Creed, but I never gave the games a shot until recently, when it seemed a natural progression from all the Crusades research I've been doing for The Old Guard fic I want to write but probably never will. Once I realized Isu bullshit could be a perfect explanation for TOG immortality, this (incredibly self-indulgent) crossover was born.

Or: What if Merrick Pharmaceuticals was a competitor of Abstergo Industries?

Just imagine it:

Pharmaceutical research is an expensive, cut-throat business. Viagra is a $2 billion dollar a year industry. Humira, the blockbuster drug of 2018, sold nearly $20 billion in the US alone. So I imagine if you're a pharmaceutical CEO of limited morals and great ambition, it might seem like a better idea to steal ideas from your competitor who seems to hit it out of the ballpark every time instead of pouring billions of dollars into what may turn out to be an unfruitful venture.

Enter Hugh Merrick, father of Steve Merrick and founder of Merrick Pharmaceuticals. Needing a blockbuster and desperate to get one over on Abstergo, he hires a hacker to slip into Abstergo's servers and find him the ripest, juiciest plum they can sometime in the early 2000s, before the (modern) events of the games or the 2019 TOG movie.

The hacker comes back with the schematics for the Animus.

The idea of genetic memories seems absurd, but Hugh figures that if Abstergo has been using the Animus since the 1980s to get ahead, there's no reason he can't do it too - all he needs is a single Piece of Eden and all his problems are solved.

Hugh builds the Animus and has the hacker go back into Abstergo's systems looking for a candidate to put into it. But finding someone with Assassin blood seems dangerous - they're likely to be an assassin too and could be dangerous if they try to escape, plus the Templars killed off nearly all of them. Templar descendants are out because most are Templars themselves and if Hugh's plan is to succeed he heeds to stay off their radar for as long as possible.

The hacker returns with Abstergo's list of people who may be useful if all other avenues fail. It contains a list of people who were peripherally involved during the invents that interest them - mainly high-ranking courtiers close to Popes Alexander VI and Julius II - and their descendants. They might know things about events of Ezio's time.

Enter Joe and Nicky.

For the past few hundred years, their primary cover identities involve being the children or grandchildren of their previous cover story, all the way back to their first deaths. There are fewer questions and you get to "inherit" all your old stuff.

This method has worked quite well for them - until Merrick learns that their "ancestors" were part of the court of Pope Julius II from 1497 (when he was still Bishop of Ostia) until his death in 1513. Nicky was his private secretary, Joe was a court painter, and contemporary sources suggest they were highly placed enough to know whatever Pope Julius II knew about Ezio's apple. Such as where Ezio might have hidden it.

It's not an unreasonable plan, except for the pesky fact of Joe and Nicky's immortality. After all, the animus is designed to draw on genetic memory, not the subject's own memories. And even if it can be used to view memories laid down in their own genes 500 years ago - which is doubtful, - there's a high likelihood of it killing them - and if Hugh were to learn of their immortality, things would only get worse for them. But they have little choice once they're captured and brought to Hugh's secret research bunker somewhere north of Inverness.

What follows is a largely self-indulgent stroll through the more interesting episodes of Joe and Nicky's life together.

Nicky's first go in the animus is a jumbled, confused mess as Hugh's tech minion learns the ropes as she goes. Nicky ends up hopscotching through his early memories - for instance, a memory where he's learning how to use a sword as a young squire jumps to him using the same move during the Siege of Jerusalem. That strand of memory continues on for a bit until another interaction gets him sent into the memory of another battle/training session/conversation with the person in question and so on.

Joe's first time in the animus goes a little better, as Hugh realizes that his minion needs to learn how to program the animus before they put their most valuable subject into it, and so let's her learn with Joe. Hugh's minion (who is really beginning to regret taking this job) succeeds, pulling Joe into the genetic memory of one of his ancestors: al-Kahina, an Amazigh religious and military leader who led indigenous resistance to the Muslim conquest of the Maghreb. There should be suggestions of a Sword of Eden somewhere in events, but since they don't share Precursor knowledge, Hugh's not interested in letting the memory play out.

Nicky's second session gets them to the time period they want, but his memories have next to nothing to do with the PoE. The same holds true for Joe, when his second session puts him through his POV of that time period. And though Hugh has his minion take them up and down every memory of that time period searching for the smallest hint of anything that might point them in the right direction, there's nothing to find.

Or, rather: Nicky and Joe did meet Ezio once or twice, in waiting rooms or reception areas or the like, but they spent that time talking about art, or the weather, or philosophy - nothing about politics, or Ezio's travels, or PoEs at all.

Otherwise, most of Nicky and Joe's memories of early 16th century Rome involve Joe's rivalry with Michelangelo, who among other things persisted in flirting with Nicky even after he made it clear he wasn't interested. (Joe was, among other things, responsible for getting Michelangelo the commission for David in Florence to get him out of Rome and away from Nicky.)

There's some Vatican politics as well - Nicky's part in organizing the Swiss Guard, Joe's in organizing the Vatican Museums, and the removal of the Borgias from power - and some global politics - the 1503 dispensation for Henry VIII's marriage to Catherine of Aragon, etc. But most of their memories are largely Joe and Nicky being Joe and Nicky in the High Renaissance (and rather hating their jobs, as neither of them particularly like working for Julius II but were blackmailed into it to avoid being labeled as Ottoman spies.)

This goes on for several days until Hugh orders his minion to start looking for the memories of other "ancestors" - essentially, to refine the animus and her technique while he gets his hacker to find better candidates for the animus. And if this accidentally destroys Joe and Nicky's minds in the process? So be it. The plan was always to kill them at the end of their usefulness anyway.

Hugh's minion spends a day doing as asked - there's a few tantalizing glimpses of Joe and Nicky at the court of Kublai Khan in the 1270s - before she has an opportunity to act on the guilty conscious that's come to plague her.

The minion helps them escape - destroying the animus, wiping the records, and blowing the place sky high to cover the bloody swath they have to cut to get out of the secret research bunker. Amongst the casualties is Hugh Merrick, propelling his son Steve into position as youngest CEO in Pharma.

Joe and Nicky rejoin Andy and Booker - who'd been doing their best to cut their own bloody swath through anyone tangentially related to the mercenaries who kidnapped their brothers - and decide to turn their attention to tracking down PoE and destroying animus technology wherever it can be found, believing there are no peaceful uses for either. As a glad you escaped present, Booker tanks Merrick Pharmaceutical's stocks so badly the company never recovers, eventually going bankrupt.

As for the minion? Maybe she's a young Rebecca Crane prior to her recruitment by the Assassins and it’s her experiences with Hugh's animus that get her recruited by the Assassin Order. Maybe she's just a random OC who sets herself up with a new identity halfway around the world and watches gleefully as Merrick Pharmaceuticals and Abstergo Industries both eventually crash and burn.

Bonuses include: 1) Joe and Nicky being the most passive aggressive kidnapees in the history of kidnappings - on the face of things, going along with exactly what Hugh asks of them, but doing their best to focus on innocuous memories and figuring out how to purposefully make memories "skip" between similar episodes without Hugh ever noticing the glitch. Also, playing up the Bleeding Effect so that by day three they're only speaking in Medieval Italian; 2) Hugh being a better class of villain than his son. Immoral? Unethical? Yes, but in a sophisticated businessman way, not a jacket and hoodie, stab a man with a letter opener type way. For some reason I'm imagining him as Jean-Luc Picard, if Picard ever had a Mirror Universe alternate; and 3) Interludes of Andy and Booker searching for Joe and Nicky after they've been kidnapped. This should be part action-thriller along the lines of Taken, part buddy comedy, and involve an arc wherein Andy learns of Booker's deep unhappiness with his immortality and helps him come to terms with the feelings that would have otherwise eventually led to the events of the 2019 movie.

And that is surprisingly more than I thought I would have had. As always, feel free to adopt this bun, just link back if you decide to do anything with it.

More TOG Fic Ideas | More Terrible Fic Ideas

[queersatanic]

I've been smashing that follow button on whichever platform I see you after reading your takedown of TST. Because of that being my first impression of you, I thought something like "huh, that's pretty cool, an actual Satanist calling out the bullshit of the guys that just use the label to be assholes", assuming you (with "satanic" in your handle) derive your own values from a Satanist ethos, surely Laveyan. Then I just read your post on LaVey himself (brilliant as well) and I basically was left with the question of how exactly does satanism look like to you? Clearly it's not a larp, but it's also not the "actual" (or shall I say "Main-Stream") brand of it, the goal of which as I've come to understand it being basically to become a Bad Motherfucker.

I haven't looked if you've actually written something about that, do let me know if you have. Went for an Ask so I can let you know I am a big fan 😁

Spite and self-worship are probably always going to be some of the root animating forces of anyone's conception of satanism, and that's true for ours too. In our case, that's not just spite against White Christian Morality, but also spite against TST for being Scientology for mall goths, and spite against COS for both its historical chumminess and outright endorsement of reactionary tendencies, and also for its intellectually bankrupt charade that the adulation of power for its own sake should somehow be considered "apolitical." TST and COS are both just competing for hegemony on a smaller scale, both of them are perfectly sincere and legitimate expressions of satanism (and we mean that as an insult to satanism) - and we spite them both for being deliberately, institutionally unable to address any of the myriad crises facing the world today, and particularly the crises faced by the people most immediately and constantly threatened by the Christian nationalists for whom satanism ostensibly exists to confront and depower.

As to the self-worship part? For us, this isn't actually terribly difficult to reconcile with our unabashedly leftist positions on the world. No one is an island. My ability to become my best self is contingent, at least in part, on the society in which I live, and the material conditions that exist therein. Your mileage may vary of course, but I don't think it's contradictory at all to say that in the pursuit of my self-interest and my own apotheosis, my satanism obliges me from time to time to also pursue the ascendance and wellbeing of the people around me. There is just no good reason that my wellbeing and that of others inherently have to be in competition with each other, and I think it's great to be self-indulgent enough to reject that as a false dichotomy, and to pursue both as its own form of self-worship.

I think a big part of what it means to be a satanist in this light is to be critical, often to the point of hostility, to the arrangement of the world as it is today. The powers that be put incredible amounts of energy not just into committing atrocities, but also in conditioning the rest of us that these atrocities are justified in the pursuit of profit, efficiency, the so-called right of states to exist, whatever. We are conditioned to never be so audacious as to expect these atrocities not to occur in the first place, and that we should accept atrocities as the background noise of regular life lest we be doing "purity politics" by demanding better. But this is just a modernized divine right of kings - at the end of the day, it is a deliberate project to stunt the political imaginations of billions of people into thinking that There Is No Alternative even as the oceans boil. And that is a project that we should not only reject as satanists, but whose mechanisms and reproduction we should actively sabotage, at the very least, as an expression of self-defense.

To quote the late Michael Brooks - "Be kind to people, and ruthless to systems." That's a better summation of what our satanism means than anything LaVey ever said.