#I've just been gone so long without any access to writing or even just looking at my stuff

[breathofthebloodlily]

how do I reconnect with my own characters

[likegemstone]

OMG OMG OMG Y'ALL an update on the Patreon Deactivated My Account Without Warning saga, one that makes the whole thing simultaneously more hilarious and more infuriating

For those who don't know: I write a serialized novel called Her Broken Magic which I post online for free on tapas and royal road, and I had a Patreon where patrons could read it early access and see exclusive content, but a few weeks ago my account got deactivated for violating Patreon's guidelines. I had not previously received any kind of warning or anything like that, they just nuked my whole account.

I sent them an email asking if they could tell me which post(s) violated their guidelines and exactly what about the post(s) was against the guidelines. I honestly didn't expect them to respond and was surprised when they did. But.

The response had a link to the "public post" that they said violated their guidelines, but uh. My account had been deactivated so the link took me to a page that just said "this account had been removed" which cleared nothing up lmao.

In that same email, they said this (I'm going to put this under a cut simply because of the language it uses, terms referring to SA):

Valid, right? If I had written something glorifying those things, it would make total sense that Patreon wouldn't want to have that on their site. But I of course would never do that, certainly not intentionally. HBM does include themes surrounding these topics, mention and discussion of them, imagery referring to these topics, etc. Never in explicit or glorifying ways. The vast majority of the time it's just implied with no details given at all, and the story always condemns this kind of behavior.

So I was initially upset because I thought either someone misinterpreted the intention of the story, or more likely ("more likely" because I doubted anyone at Patreon actually took the time to read a long-ass story on an account that had all of one patron) they just wanted to take down any content including these topics at all even if it didn't actually "glorify" those topics.

But then I reread the email and noticed something about the quotations they included referring to what got the account deactivated. "Coerced sexual content" and "Sexual manipulation". I realized something.

Take a look at the list of content warnings that I put for Episode 5, scene 14:

See the second and third from the bottom? That's the exact quotations they used—not just the same terms, but the exact capitalizations I used.

And that's when I realized that, most likely, no one had actually read the story. A bot probably flagged those terms, and then my account was deactivated. Not for the content of the story—but because of the content warnings that I put on the story. If I hadn't bothered to put any warnings, it probably wouldn't have gotten flagged, and I'd still have a Patreon account. It was also confusing because the email said it was a "public post" but that scene hadn't even gone live for the early access yet, much less gone public, but I just kinda moved past that.

Now, since all that happened like a week and a half ago I have been annoyed but honestly not surprised, and I've just been thinking about other ways I could possibly monetize HBM. I accepted it and moved on.

But this Friday (the 17th of May) Episode Five scene 14 will be going up on Tapas and Royal Road, and I was thinking I might just un-schedule that scene since it's the one that got my Patreon deactivated. If even just the content warnings got me kicked off Patreon, sharing the actual scene might do the same on the other sites—and that's when I realized.

I don't put the content warnings on the scenes, I put a full list of content warnings for that episode as its own post, and on scenes that have sensitive or potentially upsetting content, I put a reminder to check the post with the content warnings before reading it. So. The post that they took the quotations in that email from, the post that got my account deactivated. wasn't the story at all

It was the post that just had the content warnings on it. The content warnings and the pronunciation guide.

I don't bother to make that post exclusive to patrons, so it was a "public post." I would have realized this earlier except that link they sent me took me to a Nothing page. This company with a shitty logo for a face and bots for hands nuked my whole account not for violating their guidelines by "glorifying" sexual manipulation and coerced sexual content, but for saying the words "sexual manipulation" and "coerced sexual content."

I can't even be a patron for other people on that site anymore because of this.

Is that not just. hilarious in the worst way.

[st-danger]

Saint i've been stalkin your tumblr for so long and only now gathered enough confidence to follow and come tell you i've read like everything you've posted on here and i adore your writing so much,,,, also if you ever write any sexy tickling stuff again, be it a fic or ficlet or anything, i'll die, that literally fucked me up back when i read them cause yeah i'm that brand of freak,,,, fuck i love the lack of any kinkshaming here and i'll be supporting any freaky shit you write :---) thank you for your service very much

It's irresponsible, doing this here, in the greenhouse. Sure, it's late, but time of day doesn't rule out the interruption of a curious Sibling or ghouls who won't be named (Dew and Swiss) raiding his private stash and getting blazed beyond what Mountain might consider reasonable.

He has never been much for responsibility. And he has vines here. Vines that like to listen to him and do what he says, when he says it.

Vines that currently have wound their way tight around Rain's ankles and up to his knees. Around his wrists, pulling his arms taught and above his head. Easy access to Rain who's naked and heaving for breath. Pinned on a workbench now devoid of any tools, since he'd swept them off onto the floor in a hurry to get Rain upon it.

And for good measure, a thin and small one curled around the base of Rain's cock, squeezing just enough to keep him hard in spite of the tickling.

"Fuck," Rain squirms, barely able to draw a deep breath even during the break. "Fuck, please, please-"

Mountain reaches for his feet again, trapped as they are and unable to escape. Blunt nails scrape back and forth over his soles and Rain squeals, laughing like he's having the time of his life. He is, of course, but it's a painful sort of pleasure after a while.

"Look at how much fun you're having!" Mountain grins, abusing his feet and getting himself all worked up too. Little toes flexing, soles wrinkling. He gives him another break long enough to pull his own cock out. Heavy, red. Bobbing when Rain starts whimpering.

Without the vine, there's no way he'd still be hard. Too much stimulation. He'd flag. Get a cute little chub going on and not much past that. Now when he thrashes as much as he's able, it bouncing around. It's wet at the tip.

"Too much," Rain gasps, brows knit together, eyes damp. "Please, I can't, oh fuck-"

Mountain's pressing his fingers into his sides, wiggling and pressing and Rain loses himself in another peal of unwilling laughter, the happy sound torn from him entirely involuntary.

"But you're laughing," Mountain says.

"No, no- no," Rain's laugh-crying now. Mountain knows when Rain's "no" means "yes", and he's the brand of freak that enjoys a little pain with his pleasure. His abs are tensing, his red cock is wagging around with every jerk of his hips, and his voice is getting higher, more strangled with every passing second.

Mountain backs off, and Rain goes limp against the wood of the table, breath hitching and shuddery. He has tears clumped in long lashes, and sweat beading against his hairline.

"Hurts," he mewls, making noise even though Mountain isn't touching him. "S'too much, fuck, oh fuck," he sobs out.

"But you're laughing," Mountain repeats.

"Can't help it- you're makin' me," Rain cries. Actually cries now. Mountain takes pity and gives him a few gentle strokes on his cock, which has gone as soft as the vine around it deigns to allow. It might not be possible to get it entirely stiff while Mountain's working him over, but it still leaks. Shiny and sticky and he bends over to give it a little baby kiss, right on the cute little mushroom head. Rain jolts.

"Lick it?" he pleads. "Oh unholy father, lick it, please, lick it."

"It a bit," Mountain says, soothingly. "Not now." He takes himself in hand and waits until Rain looks up, and gives him a little show. Overhand grip, stroking root to tip while Rain whimpers.

"Remind me," he says casually, smoothing his hands over Rain's chest, fingertips circling his nipples only to give the barest most unsatisfying touch directly on them, so quick it might not have happened at all, "is it your feet or your armpits that are the worst-"

"Oh, no, oh no," Rain bites out, panicked and already writhing, alight with anticipatory fear. "Mount-"

"Let's find out," he says, reasonably.

[phleb0tomist]

hi there, hope ur having a good day/evening/night! im currently writing my college dissertation about accessible tourism and was wondering what was your experience with it: have you ever gone on a holiday and had to had accomodations prepared for you? if so, what kind of accomodations? if not, what sort of accomodations would be necessary for you to go out on a holiday? please excuse me if i'm too straightforward, it's just an interesting topic i've been thinking about for the past 3 months and it reminded me of you.

thank you for reading!

hi! oo interesting subject. good luck with your dissertation!! I’ll just blurt out some thoughts, idk which parts may be of interest but here we go :)

travel is hard and weird for me but i attempt it anyway! whilst my family and i always do extensive organising and checking before travel, a lot of the things hotels/airports promise us end up falling through, so we have to accept in advance that accommodations will not always work out. often we book an accessible room but then arrive to find it has steps or bulky furniture which blocks me from moving thru the room in my chair. c’est la vie

as for the specific arrangements we make… when i go anywhere i need 1-2 carers close by, so we get adjoining rooms. we call ahead to confirm that any place we’re staying is accessible and ideally has a wetroom. a lot of hotels/apartments purport to be accessible but then my wheelchair doesn’t actually fit into the bathroom. for my health condition i need to block out daylight, so we look at pics of the rooms online to make sure they have long curtains/blinds that fully close, or we call the place to ask. I legit will not go somewhere with flimsy decorative curtains ! i also can’t use overhead lights, I only use lamps (they’re dimmer & more diffuse), so if a place doesn’t appear to have dim/adjustable lamps then I won’t go. other things that are helpful to have in the room: kettle to make hot water bottles (i use them round the clock), and fridge to store liquid food for when I can’t eat regular stuff.

for car/auto travel there needs to be enough space for me to lie down in the back of the vehicle, with cushions to support me. this is possibly illegal 😻 but if i wasn’t able to do that then i couldn’t really leave my home at all, so idc. (in a magical accessible world we’d have a vehicle with a stretcher with seatbelts or smth, but this is too expensive). this sometimes means we need to use multiple vehicles despite there only being 4 of us because I take up the entire backseat of the car :/

for plane travel we prebook special assistance, which is basically mandatory if you’re a wheelchair user in an airport but it’s quite hassley and often adds an extra hour to our time at the airport bc of staffing delays and miscommunications etc. any time that we’re not actively moving through the airport, i lie down across benches (or on a blanket on the floor if needs be) in the most private areas we can find. ideally there would be a stretcher available to minimise time spent upright without making me lie in weird places but this has never been an option. but that would make travel 100x easier for me. i also have to use either an ambulift (awful👎) or tunnel (awesome👍) to get onto the plane, and an aisle chair once I’m on the plane. these require booking.

this stuff is all pretty specific to me personally, i hope it’s still an interesting perspective!

[dee-morris]

Buckle Up, It's a Time Travel Theory

I've been thinking about this for months in a not serious way, then for weeks in a slightly serious way, and now I. Kind of think I know how it could work.

The problem with time travel is that is an OP deus ex machina in a world with OP characters and it would break the universe if it were introduced. Time Travel pretty much only works in a universe that is a complete comic book like Doctor Who. Good Omens is a comedy that plays fast and loose with reality and physics and even consistency, but it's not quite on Doctor Who's level in that regard. Nothing is, really.

But here me out.

@sayuri-of-the-valley and I were chatting yesterday and she pointed out an inconsistency in the Edinburgh minisode. At the beginning of the journal entry he says "last month" as if it all just happened, and then at the end he concludes with "it was the last I was to see of Crowley for quite some time."

Doesn't add up, right? A month is nothing to immortal beings. And I said (as I have said repeatedly since the end of July) "If this were any other writer but Gaiman I'd say we're overthinking and it's a simple error." But we know him better than that.

So I'm thinking, maybe he had two diaries, or maybe he added to it later. And then I remembered the Metatron saying something like, I've examined your exploits through history... Etc etc etc. So I'm thinking, he means the Earth observation files, he peeked at some footage. But the phrasing was weird, imo. He didn't just say, I've looked at our old files. He acted like he'd actually watched it happen in real time.

So what if.

There's a mechanism in those files that you can access if your rank is high enough that allows you to visit the past in person?

If it were possible to actually change things then the story would be broken. Metatron could have done it at any time and pop goes the weasel. But what if our rules lawyer Angel, who can find a work around for any scenario that will allow him to do what he wants and still follow heaven's instructions, found a way to leave clues without actually changing anything by adding to his journals?

It would have been very unsafe for Aziraphale to write every detail of that episode when it happened, so what if he mentions the statue as a humorous aside and nothing else... But later he goes back and finishes the story?

That incident is important to the larger story, I'm convinced of it. The Resurrectionist Pub, Dalrymple, that stuff is important. What if present day Aziraphale is leaving clues for Muriel or Crowley to find in the bookshop while he's gone?

I have more thoughts about Crowley in that episode carrying books around and tossing them everywhere but this is already too long so I'll save it for another time.

[raayllum]

Opeli and Claudia for bingo?

I love Opeli more than is probably warranted given her role/actual screentime, but I'm always a slut for "pov adjacent to the main cast but without context" / "the remaining people who are alive/around to remember the castle kids growing up" perspective so it's really no surprise that I love her. When I wrote a oneshot about her and Callum's potential bond they'd only exchanged like 3 words, and now into arc 2 they've had multiple conversations and I feel so spoiled. I also really love her dynamics with the rest of the dragang. I think someone who wholeheartedly devotes themselves to the concept of the Crown but also has to deal with the political and personal (more than she ever expected) of that reality is super interesting, and I love the way she provides easy excuses for religious worldbuilding, which is one of my faves to write.

I'm both an aroace Opeli and a post war aged up Sorpeli endgame truther though - so fanon really is the best of both worlds <3

[ Black Xs represent squares don't apply to Claudia that might otherwise look circled. ]

I feel like a lot of the reasons I adore Claudia is how opposite she is to Opeli in a lot of ways, strangely enough? (Upon reflection.) Like she grows up in the castle but clearly has very limited loyalty to the actual king and royal family (bc they're royal) because one of the first things we learn about her is that she's been lying to them. Her loyalty is first and foremost to her family/her father and watching the sliding scale of people she cares about go from friends to obstacles to enemies she's willing to enjoy (with the added bonus of she and Callum having once been technical love interests) is just... so fun? But also she makes me so sad. I don't think there's any reality where dark magic exists and she has access to it that can end happily for her, and she is still going to take her sweet time seeing just how much it's destroyed her and hitting that rock bottom to hopefully start clawing her way up.

She's a character I've written a lot of ways in various fics/divergences - an adoptive sister to Rayla, a strained but long term love interest to Callum, Aaravos' puppet, breaking free of her dad of her own accord for better and/or for worse, as a dark mage, a primal mage, etc. I've killed her and I've written her redemption arc more than once. It's also been super satisfying to see her steady decline over the seasons as the "she's a cute goofy goth girl" read she generally got in the initial fandom post-s1 felt boring and shallow (it was always deeply clear to me there was something wrong with her lmao) so I do think fandom conversation surrounding her as a character has only gotten better, more accurate, and more interesting as the show has gone on (even if sometimes people don't have enough sympathy for her perspectives and choices). That all said I do think no matter where TDP leaves her as a character in the final season, I'll always write towards and imagine an ultimately happy ending for her with the soft boi of my choice

[jaybarou]

I have been reading x reader fics lately because, same as everywhere, there a bunch of them that are incredibly good.

But there is something that I've noticed that is not being addressed, and maybe I'm nitpicking, but I think it is important.

Make OCs, please. Don't be afraid of making OCs. Insert your creations, give them names and make them fall in love with canon characters. It's fine, keep the second person point of view.

Why do I say this?

Well, I've read fics where OC, self insert, x reader, y/n all blur the lines and become the same thing, when each exists for different reasons. So let me add a few definitions.

X reader and y/n (your/name)

are virtually the same thing. The difference is mainly in style. This is a writing exercise focused on the creation of a character carefully devoid of defining traits, so any reader of any age, gender, or background can project themselves into this character.

This is usually written with a first or second person point of view, and works better in short stories, because it is extremely hard to mantain a blank character blank and at the same time make them engaging in a long story.

Smut stories of this kind are amusingly tricky; kudos to the writers who manage to balance explicit sex and vage gender.

A perfect fic of this kind is extremely hard, requires a lot of thinking and the result (by design) is a bland pasive character without background, who makes little to no decisions, but the other characters pop and shine.

The style difference is that y/n expects the reader to add their name explicitly. The forms of address here are more direct and natural, but it is also blunt, and seeing one's name can take some readers out of the experience.

Meanwhile X reader has a more oblique approach. It avoids any mention of any name, it relies more on terms of endearment (or insults), which make the dialogue less natural unless it's written masterfully.

(also x reader is quite focused on shipping while y/n usually has a little more room for gen and non shipping content, but both are strongly shipping oriented so that is a minor thing)

With the rise of neopronouns and the neutral "they", the use of (female reader) and (male reader) has gone down and most writers try to make gender neutral characters. (Not to be confused with non-binary characters despite the common pronouns)

Self-insert

is different, because while in the previous one we deal with a neutral version of the reader, now we find a fictional, non-neutral version of the author. This may be accurate to the author's life or a complete fabrication of the author. They may choose to give their insert their hobbies, or their sickness, or their looks... Maybe even their name. Maybe just the version of themselves they wish to be.

Most characters have at least a smidge of the author in them. This is the same but crancked up to 11. A self insert usually has a LOT of personality and opinions because the author has a very easy access to this character's traits.

It can be written in any form, but the most common are (used to be) first and third person. This is changing because self inserts got the mary sue treatment, so now I've read second person self inserts (ex. Of one of tjose blurred lines (On a x reader fic) "I was on my period so I wrote this to feel better, because I want someone to treat me like [canon character] treats the reader")

OCs (Original Caracters)

This is the kind of character creation with least restrictions, but it also requires a lot of work. X reader and y/n are an excercise in restrain, an exercise in moving the story stepping around the information about the protagonist.

Here is where you need to think of all the little details that make a character tick. Why did they end in this situation? If I make them wear glasses, how will this impact the story? Does this character have a background that will make them crumble when faced with this situation? Or flourish?

The more a self-insert deviates from the author, the closest it gets to being an OC (although truth be told, all self-inserts are just a flavor of OC). And in the same sense, the more fleshed-out a y/n, the closer it gets to being an OC.

(Mary Sue

A term that shouldn't concern you, keep writing.)

*****

So if you find yourself writing a x reader or a y/n and your character uses a binder, has freckles, has family drama, has a background, hates lettuce, comes from Florida, gets catcalled often and hates it, dropped school because of stress, is autistic, has a childhood scar, has a trauma with blades, is young, is fat, has glasses... you have an OC.

It just needs a name. You did all the right steps to create a character that most readers won't be able to cleanly project into, but that they will relate to and love because they have an actual personality, charisma, flaws, and participate actively in the story.

It happens! You start writing an empty character and then they come to life and demand to speak and do thinks and be a protagonist instead of a recipient of things that happen to it.

It's the natural evolution of quite a few characters in literature, and it is the reason why I said y/n and x reader are better suited for short stories.

Keep writing your OCs, your reader inserts, your author inserts, just keep writing. I want to read it all.

This is just food for thought, because maybe you have worked very hard in a character, and you deserve to know you have done a great job doing something much more difficult than what you set out to do.

[weeapplelover]

@that-vigilante-piedpiper I had an idea for Pied Piper but it was too long for an ask so here it is in writing, and I hope you enjoy!

like the idea of a civilian coming up to Piper and convincing him to answer one of their questions. He agrees, as long as the answer wouldn't expose his identity.

He isn't ready for the civilian to ask why he became a vigilante.

He takes a deep breath and starts his story after leading the person to a bench so they could sit down.

He explains how he had wanted to be a hero ever sence he saw All Mights debut video. How he thought saving people was the coolest thing someone could do. So, like many children, he grew up wanting to become a hero. And he still did, despite how many people grew out of it, despite the amount of people who told him he couldn't do it, he never did. No matter how dangerous it was for him, it would be worth it to see the people he saved smile.

When he applied for the hero school he had always dreamed about going to, they rejected him without letting him even take the exam. It sent him into a deep depression. He went out running one day, not really knowing what he was doing, and he ran into someone who needed to be saved. That act of vigilantizm that was normally just a good civilian taking action helped him realize that if he wanted to save people, he would have to do it illegally, and hero work was the only job for him.

So that led to his first fight, then another, and another and eventually he got a name, and then an addition to the name, and now he was a famous vigilante. At this point he started crying happy tears. The sitting civilian puts their phone against the wall to record them hugging so she wouldn't have to edit the video that much later.

Piper says goodbye, and goes on his way as the civilian ends the recording and contemplates posting it. They decide to wait until they meet piper again to ask. Probably going to be weird, but nevertheless, people have been dying to know Pied Piper's backstory for a while.

She meets Piper again, this time after he had just saved her from a dude looking to mug her, and she figures now is as good a time as any to ask.

"Uh, do you remember me? You told me your reason for becoming a vigilante, and I was wondering if it was okay because you got kinda emotional and I didn't want to make you feel like I betrayed you or something by posting your feelings online..."

"Oh, I kinda actually expected you to."

"What?"

"Yeah, I thought you posted it and people just didn't find it interesting or you didn't tag it correctly or something." He shrugged. "I get emotional a lot, and yeah, it's kinda personal but I talked with someone about it and they said it was my choice and the media has been dying to know anyway so why not. I've had time to prepare." Was all he said before he climed up the building and escaped, probably pausing sometime during his buliding-hopping to call the police to her area, because they arrived shortly after she posted the video with doubt in her mind.

About a day later the media blew up with Piper. The video the person had posted was titled, "Piper's Backstory, asked by a fan" and was trending. It was about 7 hours after it was posted that the police found it. The whole office had gone completely silent to hear Piper's story.

The hero commission wasn't any different. They had the video playing on the begscreen TV, haws was present as well, listening to every word and sheding a tear when the person recording gave a hug to Piper, which was returned.

The comment section of the video was filled with support, letting the vigilante know everyone loved him and that he was a hero in their hearts no matter what any hero schools or even the commission said, if Piper was even able to get access to the comment section of the video.

Reo was scrolling through his YouTube when he saw the video, reposted and credited by the account that updated anything anyone posted on Piper. He went to the original link to find the original comments. He showed Izuku when he git back in from patrol, obviously nervous and jittery and an hour early.

Izuku cried. He mumbled something through his tears about people being so nice to him when he was a vigilante and how people were so supportive of him saving people and he cried until he fell asleep.

Naomasa noticed an absence of Piper activity that night, and, though relieved, he decided to research the video. Maybe it had something to do with that?

The next morning it was on the news. Midoriya Inko couldn't help but feel familiarity to the story, and Izuku had a sleepover at his friend's house last night (she wished he would warn her about these things) so she couldn't ask him.

Naomasa had found out that the girl that had posted the video had it in her possession for about 2 weeks before posting it because she wanted to ask if it was okay. Anyway, he had just got a Piper sighting and was hoping to catch him this time. Maybe he could be made an official hero if he could convince the hero commission.

Maybe the kid could live a better life.

[chaotic-history]

Source? I'm genuinely asking. Everyone is talking about JKR being a terf but they never provide sources. I've tried looking myself and found no such thing. What has she actually said or written???? (Again, genuinely asking. In my country nobody knows what she's up to and she's irrelant. Due to cultural and language barrier I'm struggling to find it and want to be fully informed)

Hey Anon,

I'm going to assume this ask is in good faith. There's a lot of online articles about Rowling's transphobia, but I've gone through and found some of the more obvious examples of it.

First of all, she said she was "triggered" (yes, she actually used that word) by hearing about Scotland's gender recognition bill, which just allowed for lowering the age for applying for a Gender Recognition certificate to 16 instead of 18, removing the requirements to have lived and been out for 2 years as your correct gender and to have a medical diagnosis for gender dysphoria. As Rowling puts it, it means "that all a man needs to ‘become a woman’ is to say he’s one". Which of course she's criticizing, but that's exactly why the bill is good for trans people. Only an incredibly miniscule percentage of people detransition, and an even smaller due to genuinely going back to identifying as their agab. To be triggered by someone being acknowledged as what they say their gender identity is is incredibly transphobic. She also goes on to say that the government is "playing fast and loose with womens and girls' safety" by doing this. But literally nothing is changing here except a person's legal gender identity. If it's the bathroom thing, then anyone can walk into any bathroom anyways, it's not like anyone is out there checking what the govt says your gender is. 

In the same article (that she wrote) she says this: "It would be so much easier to tweet the approved hashtags – because of course trans rights are human rights and of course trans lives matter – scoop up the woke cookies and bask in a virtue-signalling afterglow. There’s joy, relief and safety in conformity." ...Because apparently supporting trans people is just stupid woke nonsense that people are forced to do in order to conform, as though trans people aren't being literally fucking murdered just for being brave enough to be themselves. 

Then of course there's this: "I refuse to bow down to a movement that I believe is doing demonstrable harm in seeking to erode ‘woman’ as a political and biological class and offering cover to predators like few before it" because what's a terf without making broad statements that all trans women are just sexual predators? Also she's very conveniently ignoring all of the involvement trans women have had in the feminist movement. 

She also described transitioning in a tweet as "conversion therapy for young gay people" that they were somehow being forced into, despite the fact that gender affirming surgery and hormones often take incredibly long to get access to and have about a billion hurdles to jump through in order to even be considered for it. No one is forcing young people into transitioning, and like I already mentioned, 98% of trans people don't regret medically transitioning, and only ~.4% regret it for reasons outside of facing bigotry for it. The whole narrative that young confused kids are being pushed into transitioning is literally just a way to invalidate young trans men, because there is absolutely zero evidence behind it. She also writes that "Many health professionals are concerned that young people struggling with their mental health are being shunted towards hormones and surgery when this may not be in their best interests.” Which. No. No health professional who actually knows anything about trans people is concerned about this, because like I said, it is not happening. Anywhere. Under any circumstances. There are people who DIY hormones through incredibly dangerous means because they can't get access to them. There are people who have been on waiting lists for 3+ years. There are people who kill themselves because they can't access hormones. Absolutely no one is being 'shunted towards' them.

And then of course she wrote Trouble Blood, about a male serial killer who dresses up as women to kill cis women. Okay, it's been done before, but in context with everything else Rowling's said, her message is pretty clear, and it's that she sees trans women as predators who only transition to prey on cis women. 

Eddie Redmayne, Emma Watson, and Daniel Radcliffe have all spoken out against Rowling's transphobia, and Redmayne said that "As someone who has worked with both J.K. Rowling and members of the trans community, I wanted to make it absolutely clear where I stand. I disagree with Jo’s comments. Trans women are women, trans men are men and non-binary identities are valid." These are people who have worked closely with her, and they're acknowledging that her beliefs are incredibly transphobic. 

So yeah. She's absolutely a terf, and the things I've compiled here are just a few examples, if you look up "jkr transphobia" I'm sure you can find many more. Or just read her tweets, it's not hard to find.

All the quotes are from her tweets or her personal website.

[onceupona-chaos]

Feathers and dawn (part II)

Day 18 of Elriel month/ Teach me how to fly

You can read part I here.

"Spread your wings." 

The moment Elain opened her wings, the cold, impetuous wind hit them, and the full impact made her lose balance, almost falling backwards. Instead, she met Azriel's chest, his hands tightened on her waist, and her body went cold and hot all at once.

This time Elain did stop breathing. 

WC: 4164/ Warnings: Language

(I had so much fun writing this! As usual, sorry for any mistakes, English is not my first language. Sorry for any typos as well, but I can't look at it anymore lol)

Elain had held that light inside of her with everything she got, and even so it came close to controlling her rather than the other way around.

She still could feel it, not the light that shone so bright to blind someone's eyes, but more like a gracious flame of a candle in her chest. But that was nothing compared to how the muscles on her back burned.

When her eyes cracked open, she was half expectant that all of it had been a delirious dream or one of those visions that still hunted her from time to time. But then she tried to move to a sit position, and a scream escaped from her throat at the very, very real pain punishing her upper body.

Her entire back was sore, and she could feel a complex extension of muscles - from her neck to the end of her spine - that was now linked to two massive weights coming out of her shoulder blades.

Excruciating, blinding pain.

Elain didn't notice the tears falling down her cheeks, couldn't even hear the sounds coming out of her own mouth.

Strong, calloused hands were pushing her hair away from her sweaty forehead a second later, and then Azriel’s beautiful face was there.

He was like a hiding spot in the middle of a storm, anchoring her from her agony, even though his expression was contorted in worry.

Azriel's eyes were wild, lips forming her name, but she couldn't hear a sound. Pain was all she knew, making her senses numbed.

Black dots started to dance in front of her eyes, her head getting light, and hazel ones full of terror was the last thing she saw before the world bleed into darkness again.

_______________

The next time Elain emerged to consciousness, first she smelled the leafy odor of salvia. Then the feeling of gentle, experienced hands massaged the line of her spine while she was lying on her stomach.

Heavy eyelids opened to the Velaris sunset, shades of pink and purple coloring the blue sky were visible through the familiar floor to ceiling windows, making her recognize her room in the river house.

Elain caught a movement from the corner of her eyes, and she inclined her head slightly to see Azriel, kneeling beside her bed, worry still printed in his face, but his eyes filled with relief now.

His hair was in complete disarray, the dark locks pointed in different directions as if he had run his hands through it repeatedly.

“You’re awake,” he breathed.

Those hands, unfamiliar hands, were still rubbing her exposed back, the gentle touch soothing the pain.

“That’s Majda, she’s almost finishing.” Azriel must have sensed her confusion. “How’s the pain?”

Her mouth was dry and it was an effort just to make words come out of it. “Tolerable” she said, voice raw.

He just nodded and then they fell in a comfortable silence. It was always like this with him - no need for empty words.

Azriel just stayed there in his vigil, shadows curling around his ankles, watching her with those familiar hazel eyes. Not the blazing gold of Cassian's, but rather an embrace shared between warm brown and stark gray, with hues of emerald green that would stand out according to his mood.

Eyes as complex as Azriel's himself, candidly observing her whilst Majda worked, her hands putting the exact amount of pressure to soothe her muscles, the salvia tuning the sharp pain into a dull ache. She didn't touch Elain's wings.

Wings.

Even with their weights on her back, even with the feeling of that warm power in her chest, Elain still was prone to believe it all had been a dream if it wasn't for the pain.

When Majda finished the healing massage, she merely told them she'd come back the next few days to do it again.

The bedroom’s door clicked shut, and Elain was already trying to get up, Azriel immediately protesting, "You should stay in bed.”

"I want to see them" was her only reply. She needed to see, to look at them. To know they were real.

"Your muscles aren't strong enough to support the new weight -"

Indeed, when she tried to stand, her balance wavered and she toppled forward.

Azriel caught her before she could fall on her face, hauling her up. Gently, one of his hands passed behind her knees, the other around her waist, and he scooped her up.

Elain let her head fall against his chest, breathing his scent as he walked through the room. A few moments later, far more than was necessary to reach her mirror, he put her down, but remained close.

She didn't see her pale face or even care about the fact that she was wearing nothing, but a nightgown that reached the middle of her thighs. Not when two massive wings rested on the floor behind her, the soft, white feathers touching the carpet.

Elain turned around to see her back, to see the point where the skin ended and the feathering began.

They were beautiful.

But she never had felt more unworthy of something. She couldn’t even hold them up, couldn't even lift them from the ground. It had been so exhausting spent months trapped in that murky realm, visions blending together with reality, that she hadn’t want find out what else the Cauldron had given her, hadn't want to touch that flame burning in her chest, not when her own body felt foreign and now -

Only when she felt tears dripping onto her chest, Elain realized she was crying, exhaustion falling upon her as a blanket, covering her to the bones.

She stood there for enough time that the next time Azriel spoke, she had almost forgotten he was there.

Almost.

Because she always seemed to sense whenever he was around.

"I will teach you everything."

It didn't sound like an offer at all. His words were a promise.

Slowly she turned from the mirror to face him - and nearly sobbed at how lovely and fiercely his eyes were, almost shining with sheer compassion.

Compassion for her, yes. But also for an Illyrian boy who didn't know how to fly, who found himself all alone in a war camp long ago. "I'll be with you and I'll teach you everything."

She didn’t know what to say, what to make of everything. So Elain only took his hand, interlacing their fingers and squeezing firmly.

But then, a thought struck her. "Truth-Teller," she gasped.

A smile curved his lips. "It's with me," he said. "I went back to the Cave. Turns out, without the Orb, the wards were gone."

Relief washed over her. And guilty.

"I'm sorry. I should - ."

Before she could finish her sentence, Elain was again in his arms. Azriel chuckled, but hadn't missed how heavy her eyelids were getting. "Not your fault. You weren't exactly in position to remember it," he said while gently carrying her back to bed.

But before he could lay down the mattress, he stopped by the side of the bed, and turned to look at her. Every ounce of amusement gone.

"I thought…" his words died and he shook his head.

No trace of that mask he so often used, no sign of his usually neutral expression.

The look on his face was Azriel in his most raw state. And she could see it.

I thought I had lost you.

She wished she wasn't so tired as she buried her face in the crook of his neck and breathed, "I know."

He nodded. He understood.

He murmured as he lay her in the bed, "Sleep. I still owe Nesta an explanation."

Elain smiled sleepily, and mumbled, "Good luck."

Just when darkness came to claim her once again, Elain felt the ghost touch of a light kiss in her temple and the smell of mist and cedar. ___________

The next day, Elain was sitting at her usual spot by the window of the living room in the river house, the Orb laying on a desk right in the center of the room. What was unusual, however, was the many pairs of eyes glued to her.

Cassian's jaw was still on the floor by the time Amren, the last one to arrive, entered the room. Even her face went a bit slack when she took in the wings and some emotion sparkled in her silver eyes.

Elain tried not to blush, but all that attention wasn't helping.

Although Feyre had helped her before to retract and summon her wings, which she was grateful for, Elain didn't want to summon them in front of everyone, so she decided to just get straight to the point.

She didn’t know how Azriel explained what had happened to the others, especially to Nesta. But given the look on her face fixed on Rhysand and on the spymaster, a perfect I Will Slay My Enemies look, according to Cassian, Elain wasn’t sure she wanted to know.

But as for now Azriel just held her sister's gaze, his face neutral.

"So…" Cassian began, waving a hand towards her wings. "What the hell?"

"I think what he's trying to ask you is," Nesta gave a look at her mate. "Where did those come from?"

Elain took a deep breath. "Well..." She bit her lip, trying to choose her words in order to make sense. "After I found out what I was, I've never accessed the full extension of my powers. I knew the Cauldron had given me something else,something more, but I didn't want to find out what it was."

Rhysand asked, "Why."

"Because I was too scared," She replied honestly. That was all she could say. She didn't want to, didn't know if she could relive those days when she couldn't tell reality and dreams apart.

She glimpsed at Azriel, who was at the corner of the room, sorrow shining on his face while he gave her a reassurance nod.

"So when I grabbed the Orb, it… whatever powers I have just grumbled in answer, as if they were the same… they came to the surface. It tried to stop them, push them back, to let go of the Orb, but I couldn't… it trapped me"

"That's because they are the same," Amren said. As soon as the words left her mouth, Elain understood what lay on her eyes: recognition.

"What wicked sort of plans the Cauldron may have for the three of you," Amren went on, nodding to Elain and her sisters.

"Amren," Rhysand said, the voice of the High Lord. "If you know something, just tell us."

The petite female gave him a hard look, before turning to Elain. "The Cauldron didn't make you any Seer." Amren tilted her head, studied Elain. "He also happened to make you an Oracle." Her eyes were practically two blazing stars, and Elain had to fight a shiver, before asking "An Oracle?"

"That 's right, girl."

"What's the difference?" Nesta demanded.

"A different group of Seers… powerful ones", Rhysand murmured, running a hand through his hair. "I thought they were just a myth."

"They were as real as you and me, Rhysand," Amren said, shaking her head.

It was Feyre's time to demand, "Someone please explain."

"Before the High Lords, there was a time where this world lived in complete, unshakable peace," Amren began. "The Oracles were the great responsibles for this time of harmony, a group of Seers who used to celebrate life and pulled the threads of Fate. They travel through words just like we travel between courts, using their Seer powers to See and manipulate the future to their will… to prevent any cause of conflict before it even became a conflict. Subtle, swift creatures those females"

Elain wasn't sure if anyone in the room was breathing.

Azriel asked quietly, "How did they disappear?"

"No one truly knows." Rhysand answered. "The legends don't go that far."

"Common Seers have the gift of sight, but it's limited in its own way," Amren explained. "Oracles, however, have other sort powers as well and they can see further in the future, no matter how distant."

There was one question in Elain's mind, essencial and terrifying. "What is my power?"

Amren's smile was a thing of pure wickedness. "I guess you'll have to find out."

"But why the wings?" Nesta asked, brows furrowed.

Amren eyes softened a little. "Some claimed some of them heritaged from an unknown race of warriors. But not every one of them had wings. If you were blessed with them, they would call you the Leader. The others would fly on their winged horses by her side, travelling through the world and maintaining their balance."

Elain's head was spinning. "But what about the Orb?"

"I might have an idea, but I'll need to do some research in the Helion's libraries first." Rhysand shot his mate a look, his lips curving. "Care to join?"

Feyre only rolled her eyes.

Cassian let out a long breath. "So you're telling me Elain could see if a war is truly coming and stop it before it even begins."

A sick feeling gathered on her stomach, and she blurted, "No."

Silence.

"No what?" Amren asked thighly.

"No, I won't use my powers to play with Fate." She couldn't help the edge of rage in her words. "Espeacilly not when Fate itself had been playing with me all along."

Silence fell.

"You're right," Feyre offered at last, her voice soft. "It's your choice."

Gratitude washed over Elain.

"I want to learn how to fly, though" she blurted, glancing at Azriel, who was already smiling.

Feyre looked between them. "You'll find Azriel has… harsh methods, but they are quite efficient."

Rhysand, who had been just observing, suggested, "Maybe you, Feyre darling, can teach Elain, too."

"I will train her." Azriel's words were practically a snarl, challenge filling every one of them.

Elain looked at the shadows gathering around him as he stared at Rhysand, who just narrowed his eyes back. Strange.

"I'm sure Azriel is the better option to teach Elain, he was the one who taught me after all." Feyre was looking pointly at her mate. "But I can participate in a few lessons when they get tired of training alone." She said looking at Elain, eyes shining bright with an edge of mischief.

Elain ignored that.

"You'll have to build some muscles, you know that, right?" Cassian asked.

Muscles. It wasn't that Elain was opposed to that, but… she couldn't see herself as a warrior like her sisters. Surely, she wouldn't mind learning one thing or two, but...

"I'll help you."

Elain turned to her older sister, with raised brows. "I don't…"

"You don't have to learn how to use a sword, but I can help with your core muscles," Nesta offered.

Then, Elain couldn't stop the warmth in her chest - not from that source of power, but from pure gratitude. "Thank you."

Amren shocked her head and huffled a breath, edged with amusement, making Elain's brows furrow at that.

"A Made, reborn Fae and a Valkyrie training a new Oracle." Her lips curved in a feral smile. "Three Cauldron-blessed sisters, indeed."

Elain didn't have to use the Orb to know Fate had listened to Amren's words.

--------------

"Shit."

Azriel's curse hit Elain's ears, before her arm hit the rock as she fell on her face right into the lake.

They had been training for weeks now. At first, it was more about how to summon her wings and keep them up instead of resting on the ground.

Sometimes Feyre would join them, or even Nuala and Cerridwen made an appearance for what Cerridwen called "emotional support".

Which means they watched as Elain jumped just to fall right into that gods-damned lake and tried not to laugh. Cerridwen often failed spectacularly at that.

But after one particularly hard training lesson that ended up with more bruises Elain would care to admit, especially to her pride, Cerridwen had come to her room with a gift: a brand new and very pink apron with a winged fawn carefully embroidered at the front, the chain stitches meticulous done.

It was the most ridiculous apron Elain had ever seen - and she wore every chance she got with a stupid smile on her face.

But most of the time it was only Azriel and her. First they would stick to training, and she was able to focus only on the lessons. Until one day they had sat side by side at the shore, talking about everything and nothing, and, gods, she had missed him.

But then she felt that ravenous pull towards him and had to look away, before she could do something stupid again - and just like that she remembered why they had kept their distance in the first place.

She knew he desired her just as she desired him. She had seen the longing in his face, and had smelled his scent that night, darker than usual. Had read the hunger shining in his eyes as he looked at her.

But she had crossed a line he didn't want to cross.

Good thing now she had other things to worry about. Like ignoring the pain in her left arm, finding her way to the surface to get the hell out of that chilling lake.

But before she could do any of those things, Elain found herself looking at the sky and then the ground was beneath her.

And a very, very shirtless Azriel was by her side. "Are you alright?" he asked, wrapping his tunic around her shoulders, scanning for injuries.

Even with her teeth almost chattering off her mouth from the cold, Elain couldn't help but take one good look at his muscled chest, those intricate tattoos on display and she felt her face heating. Not from embarrassment, but from pure desire that was pounding in her blood, traveling through her body. All she wanted in that moment, and so many before that, was to touch him, taste him. Be with him, by his side.

She imagined what would be like to have that powerful body hovering over hers.

Then she blushed a bit at those thoughts, too.

"I"m fine," she blurted after a considerable time, enough to make Azriel blush as well. And make her consider throwing herself at the lake again.

To distract herself, Elain closed her eyes and accessed that flame in her chest, letting it shine bright inside her, waves of heat running through her veins and bones until she was no longer cold.

When she looked at Azriel, he was already watching her. He cleaned his throat. "You kept yourself on the air longer this time."

Elain raised an eyebrow, "I fell on the only rock in this entire river."

A gleam shone in his eyes.

Elain narrowed hers at him.

"Are you trying not to laugh?"

"No," he said, clapping his lips together.

Every pound of desire in her blood died. "You said it wasn't funny anymore after the first four times!"

At that, Azriel tipped his head back and busted out such a rich laugh, that even Elain couldn't stop the small smile on her own lips. "You are a terrible teacher."

Except that he wasn't. Azriel was patient and thoughtful. He had refused to let her practice anywhere but the lake, and when she said she didn't need to be coddled and could practice on land, he had scanned her face, so many emotions passing across his, and told her he wouldn't see her getting hurt.

So they practice on the lake. Every day.

That was weeks ago and Elain was starting to think she would never take to the skies. She still couldn't sustain herself on the air for more than a few seconds.

"What is it like? To fly, I mean." she asked, eyes fixing on the lake before her.

She felt Azriel's eyes on her. "It 's freedom." Truth echoed in his words.

Elain nodded to herself. "I can hear the wind calling me." Her wing ruffled as if in emphasis."I can feel every muscle in my body begging me to jump out of the windows and it just… it's getting harder to ignore."

Elain tried to stop the burning in her eyes, her voice was broken when she breathed, "Why me, if I can't even get close to being airborne for more than five seconds?"

Azriel kept silent for so long, she didn't know if he heard her, but she was too much of a coward to look at him. Didn't want to look at him, not like this, not again.

But then gentle fingers found her chin and slowly turned her head to meet hazel eyes shining bright as the sun above them.

"Come with me."

Next thing she knew she was taking his extended hand and he shot to the skies, his tunic flying from her shoulders while she was being cradled against his bare chest.

Even though he was made of muscles hard as rock, his skin was warm and soft as the finest velvet.

Azriel landed right on the top of one of the highest mountains surrounding Velaris, the city bursting with life so far below that it seemed one of Nyx's toys.

And Elain almost stopped breathing. "Are you going to push me?"

Azriel chuckled, but didn't answer. "Turn around and close your eyes."

"So you definitely are going to push me," she murmured, but did as she was told.

She didn't know what she was expecting, but it wasn't Azriel's large hands on her waist or the warmth of his body behind her.

"Spread your wings."

The moment Elain opened her wings, the cold, impetuous wind hit them, and the full impact made her lose balance, almost falling backwards. Instead, she met Azriel's chest and his hands tightened on her.

This time Elain did stop breathing.

Especially when Azriel's breath caressed the

shell of her ear. "Focus on the wind passing through your wings, how each feather answers to it. Try to understand its direction, its temperature."

So she did. And she could feel it. She could feel the most external layer of feathers absorbing the temperature impact of the icy wind. Could feel the most little plumes, so sensitive they could perceive the slight change in any air current direction.

She became aware of everything around her. But mostly of the heat emanating from Azriel's body on her back, of his thumbs now drawing small circles on her sides.

"When I was a boy, I used to think the same thing as you do now," he whispered. "I was locked away and had to suppress so many instincts…" He let out a breath. "These wings are yours and only yours, you command them. It might take some time, but you will fly and control your powers. Be patient. You can do whatever you want, Elain."

It was his words, the meaning. He believed in her, had always believed in her.It was that certainty that had her leaning into his touch.

She folded in her wings and tilted her head, slowly opening her eyes to find his beautiful face inches from hers, close enough for her to see the hues of green in his eyes.

"Thank you," she breathed.

Azriel said nothing. No, he just let every word shine in his gaze as he leaned down and brushed his nose against hers while his thumbs were still caressing her sides leisurely.

She sucked in a breath, eyes falling close as she lost herself at the pure intimacy of that touch. Elain's whole body went molten and she wanted nothing more than to melt against his chest.

But she couldn't cross that line again.

So she pulled back, just enough to look at his face and made herself say, "I think Nesta is waiting for me."

Shadows darkened his hazel eyes. "Right."

On their way to the House of Wind, she thought Azriel would keep silent but he surprised her when he said quietly, "Nuala and Cerridwen never told me you were training with them."

Despite everything, a faint smile curved Elain's lips. "You can't expect to know everyone secrets."

He lifted an eyebrow. "That's my job."

And Nuala and Cerridwen's, too.

"I don't want to be a warrior," Elain blurted. "But… maybe I can use my gifts - my sight gifts, I mean - to..."

A whisper of those shadows still filled his gaze, but Azriel gave her a small smile. "Like spying?"

Elain blushed. "Perhaps."

"You'd make a good spy, but you have to be patient."

Elain looked at him. At that male who had intrigued her and made her feel comfortable and safe from the very beginning. At that male who found her when no one else would, who had seen her. Had truly seen her.

No, she wouldn't cross that line now, but...

"I can be patient, Azriel," she breathed. Promised.

This time, hope shone so brightly in his hazel eyes that no room was left for shadows.

[honesthammie]

Te amo

I am working on a few of the other prompts and a part 2 to prompt 4 the soulmate au I just recently got another puppy and I still have uni work to do so I'm a bit behind schedule with these and I'm so sorry. Hopefully this little kinda songfic makes up for it.

13th doctor x female reader

Warnings: swearing as usual, fluffy, sad thoughts, twist the original songs meaning, long as fuck.

Probably terrible as its my first songfic

I don't know much Spanish so some of the examples later on are Google translated and I know it can be wrong so I do apologise for any mistranslations

This is based off Rhiannas song Te Amo but I'm switching it up a little. I dont why 13th doctor came into my head when I was listening to it but it gave me this lil oneshot idea so enjoy! The picture is not mine but the rainbow effect added is done by me! Same for the picture later on.

I've been travelling with this amazing alien for a whole year now. The adventures are always amazing if she's there! The others sometimes complain and say its boring, especially on a junk planet but to see her face light up with excitement makes my day and it well worth the dirt we cover ourselves on by the time we are done. And when she finds something that she thought was useful and it turns out, it's not her scrunch is amazing.

Okay, I'll admit it. I'm in love with this alien. I know, weird, a human and an alien together? But I can't help it! I'm completely besotted with her. If she even looks in my direction, my legs go to jelly and I get butterflies. I know, cheesy. But thats exactly how I feel around her. I barely want to touch her because I nearly fainted the last few times. And I fear she may pick up on how I'm distancing myself from her. I don't want to break her heart and leave, the thought of her look kills me as is so I'm trying to get her to kick me off.

It doesn't seem to be working though. I've been distancing myself since I found out about how I feel, which is now 6 months ago and she's trying to get me to be as close as I was with her.

I'll tell her. On one of our amazing adventures but I can't do it straight forward, it's making me sick with anxiety just thinking about it. I'll fancy it up, make her work it out. Whenever we are next to each other and the moment is right, I'll tell her in another language!

I finally get out of bed after I finished writing in my diary. I slip some comfy clothes on and head out to the TARDIS library and hope no one is there, especially her. I'll be distracted and right now, I need to concentrate. I wonder the warm halls, grateful that the TARDIS had considered my preferences. I think the TARDIS likes me more than the others because I talk to her and show her gratefulness for taking us somewhere amazing and I chat to her regularly and I try to involve her in my conversations. The others find it weird, except for the Doctor, she just smiles and joins in with me. Im still learning how to translate her but I think I've sort of got it.

I reach my hand forward and grab the aged bronze doorknob and open to the giant room. There were so many floors that an elevator had to be used to access some of them as the Doctor said "walking would literally take weeks to reach some floors". Thankfully the TARDIS organises them to make them easier to find. I looked forward and saw an interactive map in front of me. My hands touched the screen and many subjects and categories came up. Anything ranging from kiddie tales to straight up smut, I have a feeling either River or Missy are to blame for that addition.

I've never met them but the TARDIS showed me videos from her database and brought books to my attention about them. They both seem very dirty minded people so I'm not surprised those are there. I wonder if the Doctor has ever stumbled upon this section or is it for none Doctor eyes only? If she does know about them, has she ever read one? No, don't go there you stupid brain! She probably doesn't know!

I quickly stop that train of thought and catch my breath. I've never thought about those kinds of things about anyone before. Stupid Timelord, making me go all weird and think dirty things. Now my face is all red, I really hope I'm alone in here. I quickly focus back to the task at hand, finding a new language to learn. The TARDIS seemed to know where to go and blue arrows appeared, guiding me to the right section in what could be a maze.

As I walking, I felt excitement rise within me. What if she felt the same way? What if she was impressed by how far I wanted to go just to say those 3 words? Would her hazel honey eyes sparkle with delight? Would she scronch her nose in amazement?

Before I knew it, I'd arrived at the language learning section and there were many alien languages but the TARDIS seemed to have a better idea of what would be perfect for me as a white hardback book fell off the 4th shelf onto the wooden floor. I picked it up and noticed how smooth the cover was and how old yet unused it looked. The white was a little off, almost a dull cream from ageing which made the gold writing harder to read. The title was simple:

Spanish basics and need to knows.

I did always find Spanish in school fun to learn, more than French or German anyway and I don't wanna stereotype this into a typical French is the language of romance. I never really found it romantic sounding compared to Spanish.

I picked up the book and quickly flicked through to the right page and took a note on my phone as to what the translation was and put the worn book away. I quietly thanked the TARDIS and rushed out of the library and back into my room where I could practice without getting caught.

A few weeks have passed since I picked up the new words and practiced them until I was confident and had the TARDIS' approval that I was saying it right. Today the Doctor wanted to take us to this party in the 18th century and we all decided to dress for the part once we landed.

Yaz was wearing a beautiful black and red ballroom gown, accented with little bows around the bottom and lace cuffs. She had her black hair curled into a ponytail. It was simple and cute, much like her style normally. Graham and Ryan wore similar suits but Graham wore green accents and Ryan wore yellow accents.

I let the TARDIS pick my dress. She picked a black and dark blue ballroom gown with blue roses on the bottom. It had black lace underneath and blue lace as the cuffs. The gown also seemed to glitter slightly in the light making me sparkle very subtly. I put my comfy boots on as you couldn't see my shoes as I walked anyway so why did it matter? With all the running we do, I'm not risking my ankles with heels, thank you very much. I had my (h/c) hair in (fave style). It suited my dress perfectly.

I nearly choked on oxygen when I saw how hot the Doctor looked in her suit. It took me a few moments to realise we match. We both blushed at the realisation. Of course the TARDIS makes us match! No wonder why she was more than eager to help me pick an outfit! Stupid sentient ship, shipping us already!

I quickly cleared my throat and complimented everyone on how amazing they looked but I just couldn't take my eyes off the Doctor for long. She was like a magnet for my eyes. Someone help before she realises!

"Don't we all look brilliant? Perfect for the party! 18th century Yorkshire to be exact! What a great century for you guys. Now then, this party is for Nobles and higher, as per usual in these times. Ryan, I suggest you keep in mind about any racist comments that may come out. But as long as you say your Graham's personal butler, you should be welcomed with little resistance. And Yaz, I want you to be (y/n)'s personal maid. That does mean you'll have to follow your so called "masters" around and do anything they ask unfortunately and Graham, (y/n), please act like the others around you and use them. Unfortunately this is the only way all 5 of us can join the party. You'll be fine as long as you bite your tongues. Now the Noble Edward Collins is the host so be sure to thank him for inviting you, even though you technically weren't. And try not to get too drunk, I know what you humans are like! Now follow me." The Doctor explained. I was going to tell the Doctor today, but I guess, I'll have to wait.

The Doctor opened the doors and we were in a cupboard under some gorgeous marble stairs. As we walked towards the party I noticed some family portraits along the walls. They were a very beautiful looking family. The mother had long blonde hair and pale blue eyes. The father was buff, long brown hair and daring brown eyes. There were two children, a girl and a boy. The girl had long brown hair and sparkling blue eyes, whilst the son had blonde hair and brown eyes. They also had a brown greyhound dog laying by the sons feet. The son must be the host, Edward. He looked not much older than 10 in the last painting but the daughter was no where to be found in the portrait and theu all looked mournful. Is she dead and is that the picture capturing the moment of grief? Why would anyone want that? It's so strange, even for this time period.

The Doctor held me and Yaz close, stopping us in our tracks. My heart was racing at the simple touch. But as soon as the touch was there, it was gone. "I hope its okay with you (y/n) but you're going to have to be married to someone."

My heart stopped for a moment and I nearly choked on air. "What? Why?"

"Because women like yourself would have been married as young as 13 or 14. Now your only choices are me and Graham. You can't choose Ryan as he's supposed to be a butler and you can't choose Yaz as she's your maid. The choice is yours, I just need to know wether or not I should refer to you as my darling wife or not?"

What. The. Fuck.

Why did her even calling me that l, turn me on? Obviously, I'm going to choose her but I'm going to have to perfect my reasoning here.

"As much as I love Graham, it's going to be awkward if I have to kiss him or anything because he's like my grandad! I guess you'll do Timelord. Come on then husband, we don't want to be late to the dancefloor!" I spoke clearly hoping she didn't notice how excited I actually was to have even a hint of a relationship with her. It may be fake but ill take anything when it comes to her.

We arrived at the welcome committee and handed our cards over, aka the psychic paper. We were going as Mr and Mrs (last name). The Doctor was holding my hand this entire time and it's driving me insane. I don't know if she can feel my racing pulse under her fingers but if she can I hope she puts it down to excitement! We walked down the most grandest staircase you would ever lay your eyes on.

First we walked around, greeting everyone as they came up to us or if she dragged me to someone she knew, but not personally. She was cute when she was fangirling over these people. Yaz found it annoying as she just wanted to party but I couldn't help it. The way her eyes shimmer with recognition was more beautiful than any galaxy she could ever take us. Sometimes her eyes flickered with admiration and it did make me have jealousy for just a moment before I remembered, I'm staying with her and they aren't .

As the party moved on we met the host Edward. He looked a lot different than in his paintings. He was around 20 years old now and his blonde hair was below his shoulders. He looked a lot like his father with his muscley build. And he was very charismatic which I did not like as he poured all his charm into the Doctor. Does everyone here know that he's gay or does he see through the Doctors disguise? Either way, it was rubbing me the wrong way. I quickly excused myself with Yaz and walked into the bathroom.

"I did not like him. I do not like this Edward guy. Something about him rubs me completely wrong. He's handsome but something is telling me he knows the Doctor isn't a man."

"I felt the same way. He knows something we don't. Before we go out there again, do you mind if I ask you a question?" Yaz asked. My mind was racing a hundred miles an hour. She knows. The jig is up with Yaz. "How do you feel about her, honestly? One minute you 2 are inseparable, then you distance yourself and now you are a nervous wreck around her! I won't judge but I just want to make sure my theory is correct."

Shit. I guess I really was obvious. Does she know?

"If your theory is about me falling hopelessly in love with the Doctor then you'd be correct. I can't help it. I'm going to tell her how I feel without being completely stupid. I just need a right moment to say it." I spoke with a heavy sigh. Hopefully, Yaz can help create that moment thay I need. She nods her head and opens the door. We walk back to the Doctor and notice Edward has gone to other guests and she was talking to Graham. I looked around and saw Ryan flirting with a pretty lady near the food table. Why am I not surprised?

A few hours had passed and the Doctor seemed bored with standing and talking so I made a plan in my head. I grabbed her hand and pulled her to the dancefloor as the next song came on. I didn't quite know how to dance properly but I knew the basics if it. She has to lead and I simply follow suit. It took a few moments but I got the hang of it with the Doctors help. Soon we were dancing so gracefully underneath the most beautiful candelabra that lit up her face perfectly.

Her hair swayed to our perfect dance ever so gently. Her eyes sparkled with amusement and her lips were in a permanent smile. She even laughed a couple of times. Then as the music slowed down to a pace that was perfect, I grabbed her waist and looked her. My heart was going crazy and my legs were about to buckle but I had rehearsed my lines. I can do this.

"Hey Doc. Its been an amazing time with you but I can't continue this without being honest with you. But everytime I get close, I back down in fear. So I'm going to let you figure it out. Doctora te amo. Entiendo que si no sientes lo mismo y me iré si quieres. (Doctor i love you. i understand if you don't feel the same way and i'll leave if you want.)" I spoke with as much passion and intention as I could. I looked into her eyes and saw her confused and trying to work out what I said. I would find it cute if my heart was beating right out of my chest. "Well, I've had a great time but I'm fucking knackered. I'm calling it night. I'll be heading to the TARDIS if you need me."

"I'll come with ya. I'm knackered as well and we both need each other to undo the corsets and mine is starting to hurt a little bit. How we used to do this for a full day, everyday, is beyond my understanding. As beautiful as we look, I don't think its worth the pain this will bring in the morning." Yaz spoke with a slight mumble as proof of her mental state and finishing with a yawn. I chuckled at her state and walked back to the TARDIS with a small amount of chat along the way.

She is right though. These corsets really do hurt you after a while, I'm glad I chose not to wear heels or else I'll be fucked for in the morning. I would literally scream. I think the Doctor had the right idea in wearing a suit, no pain. I do feel bad for leaving her but I just need some space after basically admitting everything that's been built up within me for too damn long. Maybe I should tell Yaz how it went and maybe she can help determine if the Doctor is happy or not.

We walked back into the wardrobe room and I helped Yaz out of her corset. She immediately sighed in relief. She finished getting herself into comfy clothes and started to untie my ribbon.

"So did you tell her?"

"Sort of. I basically told her everything but in Spanish. I just hope it doesn't change anything, except in a positive way, of course! If she wants me gone, I've told her that it's fine and I understand. She's very socially awkward and as cute as I find it, it may not help me in this situation. Do you have any clues on how she may react once she figures it out?"

Yaz stopped untying my corset for a moment and placed 1 finger upon her chin in thought. Her eyes were almost shut and seemed almost completely black in the light. After what seemed like forever, she took her finger off her chin and beamed a toothy smile. Her eyes sparkled as she remembered something and seemed to gleam slightly menacingly. A smirk replaced her smile soon after.

"There's a few times she's shown affection towards you. And I mean romantic affection. She always chooses to hold your hand over anyone else's if given the choice. She always steps I'm front of you when an enemy threatens to kill us all or hurt us in anyway. When you go wandering around on your own, she's terrified thats she's lost you forever to an enemy we don't even know of!" Yaz starts explaining carefully as if she's worried on how to word it.

"Those are just friendly affec-"

"I wasn't done. I was warming up." Yaz interrupts me as I was about to go into a self deprecating speech on how I'm just a friend to everyone and never a lover. "She always looks to see your face on adventures because she secretly loves your reactions, bad or good. When the Master revealed himself, she looked straight at you for support on how she should react. When she came back from the Kasavin, she ran straight to you and made sure you were ok first before any of us. When we were in the Tsungra medical ship, the first person she asked for was you! Whilst she was unconscious on board the ship, she kept mumbling your name, over and over again. When she saw how gorgeous you looked today, I thought she'd take you right there on the spot! She fucking loves you (y/n)! You're just so unbelievably blind to it all!"

Yaz was almost red with rage. Did she really do all that, for me? The TARDIS mustve read my mind and seemed to hum positively in reply. If everything Yaz said is true then she'll be so happy about it and maybe we can be a thing! But then again, maybe losing so many in a similar position as me will turn her away. Maybe her soul is awry and she's asking why right now.

Once I had gotten changed I went to sleep almost straight away, I suppose all that dancing and social ques having tired me out more than I thought.

I woke up to a soft knock on my door. I rubbed my (e/c) eyes and told them I'd be a few minutes as I've only just woken up. It wasn't until I finished brushing my (h/c) hair that I remembered what happened yesterday. All the panic rushed within me at once and I nearly threw up. I took several deep breaths and opened the door.

"GRAHAM THANK FUCK ITS YOU!" I almost shouted at him. He looked a little bewildered for a moment before he seemed to remember what brought him here in the first place.

"Hello Love, I'm here because Doc wanted to speak with you privately in the library. She says that the TARDIS will guide you to her location. She seemed a little off after you and Yaz left. Did something happen? Is everything ok?" Graham asked cautiously. He must be so confused.

"Sort of. I'll explain more when I get back but what do you mean by "a little off"?"

"Well she seemed lost in all sense of the word. She kept muttering "Te Amo" all the time. She was all over the place aswell. She got me and Ryan back here not long after you guys. Something about not trusting Ryan to not get alcohol poisoning without her around. She hasn't really left the library since if I'm honest. She's been in there for 12 hours. I only know she wants you because she whattsapped me on my phone. Whatever is going on, please sort it out, she's starting to really worry me. She hasn't been the same since that Master guy came around." Graham spoke clearly, albeit confused. I nodded my head and walked in the opposite direction to him and hoped the TARDIS would take me there quicker than normal. I want to treat this like a plaster, rip it off in one go.

Sooner than I realised, I grabbed the all too familiar door knob of the library. I took a deep breath and walked in. A blue line appeared towards the interactive map. I awakened the console and I saw a black screen with a few words on it. It looked like a message with how it was presented.

Hello (y/n)! Don't walk until you calm. Breath deeply and try not to panic. I promise you, all will work out in the end. I see more than you realise and I know my thief better than anyone whoever stepped foot into my being. I know of her main problem about the situation. If she loves you, drink this. It won't hurt, she'll know what it is.

The TARDIS

I should have been surprised by this new knowledge that she could speak to me, in a way, but I've seen so much and I am so tender hooks so I didn't take much notice of it. I quickly sat down and tried to control my breathing. After about 5 or so minutes, I felt calm enough to finally meet up with her and hear what she has to say.

I followed the blue line carefully until I spotted her in a comfy room. She mustve gotten changed at some point as she was wearing her usual rainbow outfit, minus the jacket. She was sat on a deep purple sofa, legs curled into her body. Her shoes were on the carpeted floor underneath her, seemingly forgotten for the moment. There were many books surrounding us from many cultures and spieces. One wall had a cozy wood burning fireplace crackling within the silence that surrounded us.

Her face was scrunched within deep thought. Her eyes sparkling with an emotion that I couldn't quite put my finger on; hope, sorrow or excitement? Her lips had a small smirk gracing them and her teeth had bitten a small part of it. Her hands were holding a book in a way where I couldn't quite see what it was.

I didn't want to disturb her as she looked so ethereal with the warm glow of the fire highlighting her in the perfect way. Unfortunately, it's plaster time and I wanted this sorted sooner rather than later. I took a deep breath took in the picture for memory.

"Hey, Graham said you wanted to talk to me? Is everything ok?" I asked gently and as softly as I could so she was carefully brought out of her little world. I didn't want to scare her. She raised her eyes from her book for a moment and bookmarked the page she was at with a little TARDIS paperclip. She placed the book on the table at the side of her and patted the seat next to her.

As I sat down my nerves were through the roof. She gave nothing away as she stared at me for a minute, as if assessing something about me.

"Why are you so nervous? Calm down. You are right, It is to do with last night. You left pretty abruptly after basically confessing your feelings to me. I was so confused, not just about what you said but about myself and what I wanted to do about you." The Doctor spoke monotonously. Did she mean get rid of me? "I had to first of all, find out what you said, well done on learning a new language by the way, one even I'm not fluent at. I'm guessing the old girl had something to do with that idea. Not that, you aren't smart enough but you don't know what languages I do or don't know."

The Tardis seemed to chuckled at the accusation and I simply nodded my head. "I wanted to buy myself time and to impress you."

"You impressed me a long time ago Miss (l/n). That is just a cherry on top. After I figured out what you said, no thanks to my old friend here, I went through a lot of thinking. I've not been in many relationships and you know my history regarding the ones I have been in. You know, River and Missy? And I have such a bad past with it ending in nothing but tears for me. I always lose those I care for deeply." She spoke with tears spilling from her gorgeous eyes. I grabbed her face gently and wiped away the stray tears that managed to escape their home.

"That was when you were a man. You're a woman now, everything is so different. Relationships can be heartbreaking. I know what you're main problem is and the TARDIS has a solution to that. I just need you to tell me the truth. How do you feel about me? Do you want me to stay or not?" I stated holding the small shot glassed amount of liquid in my hand. The liquid was golden and sparkled slightly in the light. There were specks of orange and silver within it and it was as hot as a nice cup of (hot drink). Her eyes sparkled with hope and shock. Her lips were smiling wide. And she seemed to giggle at the sight of it. She held it for a moment as if examining it like a rare artefact, maybe it was. Either way, I trust her judgement and if she's happy about it, then so am I. Once she had analysed the drink, she practically leapt into my arms and pushed me down on my back. She smelled of custard creams and the TARDIS which was odd but completely her and I couldn't imagine her smelling any other way.

"That does solve our problem! What she has just given you is the rarest liquid in the universe seeing as only one thing in the entirety of space can produce it. That drink is known as the nectar of the chosen ones. It's rare as the race that used to make them has practically gone extinct. There's only 3 left in the known universe and you're living in one. That drink is the blood of the TARDIS. It grants you immortality if you drink it. It is said to resemble your favourite beverage no matter who you are. However, it only lasts 100 years and you must drink it every century or else your body clock will kick in and you will age and be as mortal as you are now." She speaks with a warning as we sit up holding holds.

"I have no problem with that. I would sacrifice everything if it meant I got to call you mine. Just please tell me and I'll drink it." I told her with adoration in my eyes.

She held me close and planted a soft and gentle kiss to my lips. It was short but it sent more fireworks than you can imagine through my body. I knew I had found her. She grabbed my waist and whispered next to my ear:

"Te Amo"

[clonerightsagenda]

hey do you have any life advice? I've always looked up to you and I respect your opinion and didn't know if you had any strategies living in the usa with limited money and healthcare or just with getting a decent job that you don't hate. or honestly any advice at all about anything. the world is really stressful. and reading your blog always gives me hope for the future because you're just doing your best and existing i guess? sorry if that's weird

Hm. Well, first of all, I'm flattered. As you say, I'm doing my best and existing. I don't know whether that makes me a great source of wisdom, but I'll do my best.

I have been privileged enough to always have access to health care, either from my parents or my own job, so I don't have a lot of practical tips on that front.  I hope our country gets it together soon and catches up with everyone who's already set up socialized medicine. The good news amidst all of our nightmare politics is that even though it feels like everyone's ignoring the obvious solutions, which they often are, there's stuff on the table being considered that would never have been mentioned not long ago (like free college, for example) so we have to stay hopeful. The one thing I'd say about this is if you're ever in a bad situation where you have to choose where to put your money, I would tend to make sure you get dental care, because teeth problems can haunt you for the rest of your life. My local dentist actually just set up a program that's kind of like dental insurance for people without it, so you can look for things like that from the health providers in your community.

As for limited money... again, I've been pretty lucky in this regard. I can support myself ok on my income, so I don’t have the same perspective as someone who’s really had to worry. Checking for stores that sell at a discount is always a good idea - places like Dollar General, Cash Saver, Aldis, etc. There are some things I prefer to buy name brand for, but a lot of the time store brand is fine. Cooking can save a lot of money, but it is a skill that has to be developed, and I acknowledge not everyone has the time or access to good equipment and ingredients. If your money is tight, developing a budget is probably a good idea to keep track of everything. And if you have a bulk store like Costco in your area - it might be worth finding a buddy to pool your money and split big purchases, because you will save by doing so. I also know more and more areas are developing mutual aid networks, and I know my city has a Food Not Bombs group and a free market. You may have to do some digging to see if any of those things are local to you, but they can help.

Jobs... check your local library if you have one; they often have databases for searching job openings and may have programs to review your resume and cover letter. If you're still in school, use your career center. In this country there's a lot of emphasis on your dream job, because capitalism wants us to identify with our roles as workers much. It's certainly nicer to go to jobs that you like, but it's also perfectly OK if you go to a job that's just something you do in the day, and then you go home and do things you want to do. This may vary from person to person, but I actually found that I have more free time working fulltime than I did when I was in college, which was a nice surprise. I felt more free to read and write and enjoy myself because my work time and me time were more compartmentalized. Our generation is also far less likely to stay in one job for our entire lives, so it's totally ok to take a job that you don't *love* for a while, just to get your bearings, and then move on. You don't need to feel trapped, or feel like because you "settled" once you'll never get where you want to go. So much is changing, I don't know that many of us know what our jobs might look like in a few decades. As much as I always hated people talking about networking, it is true that knowing people helps, even if it’s just hearing about a job opening you might have missed otherwise. Keep an ear to the ground, let people know you’re looking... I had a well-meaning grandparent send me a job opening in Hawaii once.

For some other advice about this stressful world... 

I think it helps to make things occasionally. Now, I know a lot of people on here are artists and writers, which is good, but that kind of creation can be really frustrating and exhausting sometimes. It's nice to be able to make something a little less stressful and more substantial. For example, I bake. Some people knit. Some people paint, but not to polish their craft, just for fun. In a world where so much feels out of our control, it's nice to have something tangible you brought into being.

It also helps to do at least one good thing. You can burn yourself out trying to change the world, and in America we're raised on a lot of individualist stories where a single person is a hero and brings down a terrible regime.  If you have the energy to throw yourself into being an organizer for a new group or running for local office, great! But if you don't, and you're feeling really helpless, even writing one e-mail to your senator or checking in on a neighbor or tossing $5 to someone’s gofundme can make you feel a little less trapped. I'm doing phone banking this weekend. I hate it, and I will be miserable the whole time, but I'll feel better afterward. Do what you can, and then give yourself permission to let go and not stress for a while. 

I say this as an introvert, but some kind of community is good too. I don't have that many people in person, although I was trying to work on that before the pandemic started by going to more events hosted by my local library. This is actually a pretty good time to explore - a lot of groups that would normally meet in person are meeting online, so it's much easier to drop in and see if it's right for you. I've attended some meetings I never would've gone to when they were in person all the way downtown in the evenings. And there's always having a few people online that you check in regularly with - it's good to have someone, whatever form that takes. Even if it’s a Discord chat where you make jokes about podcasts. 

I feel like that was all..... very vague, and I hope any of it was helpful? If you have any more questions I can try to be more specific, within the limits of my experience. I have been very fortunate in a lot of ways throughout my life, which may be preventing me from being super helpful, but I’ll try! 

[nitewrighter]

Would you write some canon fic around the same time your Sun Fic happened but from Mercy's pov? I've been curious to know how she held up when most of her peers where leaving ow one by one until she was the only one left. Not to mention how stressed she must have been with the tension between Reyes and Morrison.

The sun fic is here for anyone who hasn’t read it yet!

---

She kept making too much coffee. That was what kept throwing her off. She could try to be mindful about it, she could try to say “No one is coming” when she would measure out her beans before she ground them, but saying that stung, and stung deep. It never really occurred to Mercy how much Genji figured into her daily interactions and how much the rest of it was work until he left. Tracer was exhausting without Genji to bounce between them, and while Winston was about the same, now he kept asking ‘how she was doing,’ and she had to keep saying ‘fine’ because there was too much to unpack. Where was she supposed to start? Mei and the Ecowatch Antarctica team were all dead. Reinhardt had been unceremoniously shoved into retirement. Gérard Lacroix was dead. Amélie Lacroix was missing-presumed-dead. Genji was missing. Captain Ana Amari was missing-presumed-dead. Liao was dead. Jack Morrison and Gabriel Reyes were barely talking. Talon was getting bolder and bolder even with Doomfist imprisoned, which raised the question of how effective Tracer’s strike team actually was. 30 million orphans from the Omnic Crisis were now being fed into a thriving underground economy of mercenaries, black market technicians, and human trafficking. More governments were investing in private security corporations rather than Overwatch, disease outbreaks were blooming in the most vulnerable communities all around the world faster than Overwatch’s relief teams could respond, and all the while Moira O’Deorain was thriving like a cancer in the chaos.

And here Mercy was.

With her too-full coffee carafe at 11:30 PM on a Wednesday night.

The worst part about missing him was how sneaky he was. She used to be able to speak to an empty room and he wouldn’t be able to resist giving himself away to say something snarky. She still did it, mindlessly.

“This cell culture just does not want to cooperate,” she said, pulling away from her microscope, only to find herself speaking to no one. His absence ached like a phantom limb.

He’d know a lot more about phantom limbs than you would, that stinging voice spoke in the pit of her chest.

She pushed away from the microscope in her swivel chair and forced herself to stand up, feeling her exhaustion in every curve of her spine. Just walk around, come back to this with fresh eyes, she thought to herself, refilling her mug. She walked out of the lab and looked down the hallway of Zurich headquarters. The emptiness of the halls had more of a foreboding to them now. Before, she loved the liminality of the bustling-in-daytime headquarters in its silence at night, but now that silence felt hollow. She sipped her coffee and looked out the window at the line of tents outside the headquarters’ main gate. Jack’s statue had been vandalized--not torn apart, thankfully, but relentlessly graffitied. They had stationed security bots for it, but if there was one thing all the protestors had proven, it was that even civilians with enough anger and willpower always found ways to get their point across. 

“I never wanted that damn statue,” a gruff voice spoke next to her and Mercy’s head jerked over to see Jack Morrison a few steps away, looking out that same window.

Mercy blinked a few times.

“How goes the lab work, Doc?” said Jack, not looking at her.

“Slow,” said Mercy with a shrug, “It’s like that sometimes.” 

“Mm,” Jack grunted in acknowledgment. A long pause passed between them.

“You’re up late as well,” said Mercy, smiling slightly, “Strategizing with Reyes?”

“No,” his voice was flat.

Mercy bit the inside of her lip. “If it sounded like I was implying anything, please know that was not my inten--” she started.

“I know,” said Jack, “Gabe--Commander Reyes and I have agreed we both need more... perspective.”

“New approaches can help,” Mercy offered, but she knew there was far more weight to what Jack was saying about his and Gabriel’s partnership. Jack was very good at spinning things at this point--and she could tell how much he hated it. “Is there anything I can...?” she trailed off. Jack’s eyes flicked to her only momentarily and Mercy’s lips thinned.

“It’s fine,” said Jack, “Just... keep at your work.” 

Mercy gave a glance back out at the tents outside Zurich’s gates. “You know, the hard part about being in an international organization, it becomes a lot easier for people to treat you like you don’t belong anywhere...” she pushed her hair back from her face, “But--we’ve done good work. We’ve done wonderful things. We’ve helped people---”

“That’s a lot of past-tense there, Doc,” said Jack.

“I--We’re helping people--they love Tracer!” Mercy felt desperate and a bit foolish at this point.

“They do, don’t they?” said Jack, not looking at her.

“She believes in us...” said Mercy.

“Do you?” said Jack.

Mercy looked off. “I... I should be getting back to work.”

“Right,” said Jack. Mercy straightened her labcoat and moved to walk off.

“Doc?” said Jack.

“Yes?” said Mercy.

Jack’s face was half in shadow, the light from the window only making out his craggiest features and highlighting the gray of his hair. His lips parted with a slight inhale and for a few seconds Mercy thought he was going to apologize. How entitled do you have to feel to assume that? she thought to herself, But... between the biotic rifle, Moira, and Genji....

Jack seemed to catch himself. Any apology he might have would be too little, too late now. “You... take care of yourself, okay?” he motioned with his head toward the line of tents outside the gate, “Weird, angry people out there.”

“We wouldn’t be here if we weren’t weird, angry people,” said Mercy with a slight smile. 

Jack huffed a little and turned back to look out the window, “Maybe we should try recruiting with the protestors,” he said wryly. 

“Maybe,” said Mercy. It does feel so empty here, she thought, but she gave a glance over to Jack, “Get some rest, Commander.”

“You too,” said Jack.

Mercy rounded a corner in the headquarters and was now walking along a hallway looking down into the courtyard garden below. 

“In a way, I am a bit jealous, Doctor Ziegler,” she remembered Genji’s words down in that garden, “Overwatch will always need your abilities, but if in the end, they’re a peacekeeping organization, eventually they won’t need a weapon...”

“You’re not a weapon,” she had told him, “You’re not. I can’t let everything Overwatch touches become a weapon.”

Mercy let her fingertips trail along the glass of the window before she gave a glance to a door where the name next to the door had been blacked out. It should have read ‘Captain Ana Amari’ but she wasn’t here anymore. Mercy kept walking, descending a stairwell deeper into the lower levels of the building. 

“Are you staying just for the team’s sake?” he had asked her on their last mission together, “For mine?”

Stop it, She thought to herself, reaching the bottom of the stairs and continuing her brisk walk down the halls of Blackwatch’s quarters, You’re only making it worse. Just focus. Don’t think about him. Keep walking. Stop thinking about him. Keep walking. Just keep--

She stopped and found herself staring at a too-familiar door. Genji insisted on not even having his name on a plate next to his door, but she knew it all the same. Her hand touched the cool metal of the door. You’ve checked it before, she thought, You did everything you could short of pulling the wiring out of the walls looking for some clue he may have left you as to where he went. He doesn’t want to be found. He doesn’t want you in his life. You’re making it worse. You’re making it---

She touched her key card to the panel next to the door and it slid open. She stepped inside. The room was completely empty...it was bare even when he was living in it, she didn’t know why she thought she would find anything new looking in it now. 

Her comm buzzed at her side and and she pulled it from the pocket of her labcoat. ‘ENCRYPTED CHANNEL’ displayed on her comm’s holographic projection and she arched an eyebrow. Her high position in Overwatch meant her own channel was extremely secure--there was no way an encrypted channel would be able to access her unless she had given them a prior access code. The only people she had given that access code to were...

She quickly opened her comm. “Genji?!” she spoke breathlessly.

“...Sorry, Doc, hope I’m not too much of a disappointment,” a warm voice came on the other end.

“Jesse,” Mercy huffed and her shoulders slumped, “I’m sorry I just thought...”

“I get it. So still no word from him?”

“Still no word,” said Mercy, glancing up at the chin-up bar that was still installed overhead. She smiled a little, “But I must say, it’s been a while since I heard from you! Why are you calling from an encrypted channel?” Her face suddenly dropped, “McCree--why are you calling from an encrypted channel?” she asked, tension coiling in her stomach.

“...I’m not on any more Blackwatch ‘vacations’ if that’s what you’re asking,” said McCree, “I’m not...” McCree audibly huffed on the other side of the line, “Doc, are you alone?”

“Yes?” Mercy answered hesitantly, looking around Genji’s room.

“Okay,” McCree took a steadying breath on the other side of the line, “Doc, I know Genji leaving broke your heart, and I don’t want to do that to you, so that’s why I’m callin’... but... the truth is, I’m gone.”

“Gone--what do you mean--” Mercy’s face scrunched up in confusion and then her eyes widened, “McCree, you can’t--Your contract with Blackwatch---”

“...Will paint a target on my back, I know, but...this isn’t me hittin’ the dusty trail and ridin’ off into the sunset. The truth is, shit’s going down, Doc. I don’t know how much I can tell you without putting you into danger, but all I can tell you is that it’s not safe there. Wheels are fallin’ off, lines are being drawn, and you gotta get out while you can.”

“No--no---you can’t just leave me in the dark like this,” Mercy was pacing back and forth, “McCree, I can’t just leave, I have people counting on me. Overwatch’s relief work---”

“Shit--I gotta go,” McCree cut her off, “I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to get on this channel again, Doc, but--please stay safe. I promise I’ll bring the chip back when the dust settles.” 

“Bring what chip back--” Mercy heard a click on the other end, “McCree? McCree!?” she brought her comm away from her ear only to read ‘DISCONNECTED’ on the holo-projection. “Oh Jesse, what are you doing?” she said quietly. She looked around Genji’s room. “...what am I doing?” she said even more softly.

But there was no one around to answer that.

[terrablaze514]

Musings... Episode 2

So… can't you believe I'm heading back home? My scouts graduate today, and it's beautiful out here. Beautiful enough to wear my hair in a blowout, but…

This shuttle scenario will leave me in a horrific position of sorts. I know people wanna see me, and I wanna see them, but…

Heero: So instead of taking your chances, and instead of communicating with those who need to know what's happening, you turn back. Why?

Because, what's the use?

Heero: Those kids would've loved to see you at their graduation. Even their parents! You know how much people like having you there.

I chose the wrong career, Heero. Unlike you.

Heero: No you didn't. Nothing you chose was the wrong thing.

Quatre: In other words, we get it. The market sucks due to an impending recession and major cuts, depending on how Canada votes in a few months. But you don't give up due to a random mishap.

Pfft.

Heero: "Pfffffft" will not help you.

Shut up!

Trowa: He has a point, you know.

Quatre: Okay, I have a better idea. Since you're not attending graduation anymore, though I strongly prefer you did, get in the house, change clothes and take a stroll in the park.

A stroll in the park? How will that help?

Quatre: It will calm your nerves and mind.

Well, okay. I can always do that. As long as I don't get caught.

Quatre: ???🤔

Trowa: ????🧐

Heero: Who's watching you?

The world. Duh.

Heero: Then go and conquer it! Who cares if you need a breather, or something along those lines? Everyone has their own lives to worry about. You should stay focused on yours.

Nah, I'll hit the bed.

Quatre: You don't need anymore sleep.

I kinda do. That's the only place I can redeem myself.

Quatre: (to the others) We need to do something.

Trowa: Did she just lose her inspiration to live a little?

Quatre: I'm afraid so.

Heero: Let's give her nightmares.

Quatre: But that won't-

Heero: It will work. At least it'll force her to find better ways to spend her day.

Trowa: The past few days have been horrible.

Heero: And today is even better, possibly the best day of the week. No dramatic weather in sight.

Quatre: So how do we get her out of there?

Heero: Nightmares.

Quatre: Really? That's all you can come up with?

Heero: I strongly prefer she enjoys the sunshine, and every other beautiful thing nature has to offer.

Duo: Life sucks, man. Everything sucks.

Wufei: Agreed. Who runs this country anyway?

Zechs: Your parents. Now go outside and play.

*The others glare at Zechs, yet he doesn't flinch.*

Zechs: You know I'm right. Stop worrying about crap and enjoy yourselves.

Duo: ☹️

Wufei: 😣

Trowa: They're not happy either. What's wrong with them?

Heero: They've been TB's leading muses for the past three weeks. Three excruciating weeks, because life changed and all they do *gestures Duo and Wufei* is fight, cry, then revert back to what you're witnessing right now when she's not working on any scenes.

Trowa: Okay so, what should we do?

Heero: You follow my lead.

Zechs: I'll make some lemonade. It's hot enough for one.

Quatre: Wait, that was my job.

Zechs: Not anymore. You go keep the others in check. *Leaves the scene*

Quatre: It's hard enough dealing with unhappy people as it is.

Duo: But, you do realize the world sucks, right? Have you missed the News? I don't know if being called an American is something to be proud of anymore, due to-

Quatre: Yes, the world is going through a lot but there's not much we can do about it. Except start small. We can use the computer inside that room and research charities and organisations that are helping those parts every way possible.

Duo: Okay, so what do you think about those abortion laws? Most women don't know they're pregnant until six weeks. And guess who voted for that bull? Mostly men. Men who don't have a uterus. Though I'd hope they swap one day and live the reality for nine months straight…

Quatre: I get it. Being American is nothing to be ashamed of. It's just, people wanted what they wanted so they voted for whomever represents their views.

Duo: Right… Then what will become of babies and kids who are forced to grow up in the streets, with no access to warmth, like I did?

Wufei: *groans and rolls eyes*

Quatre: What's wrong?

Wufei: I hate this place. Hate the fact that healthcare, education and the job market are falling off-course. If we didn't send our Gundams to the Sun, I would've sent those stupid higher-ups a warning.

Duo: That's not even, Wufei. Not a fair battle if you ask me.

Wufei: There's no fair or unfair in battle! Teach those idiots a lesson! Then the world wouldn't be as messed up as it is right now.

Quatre: I suspect your problem stems from a variety of factors… the political, civil unrest in China. Injustice of all kinds against marginalized groups. And you feel powerless without your Gundam.

Wufei: Pfft.

Quatre: I understand your anger, but the Gundams weren't sent to the sun. We decimated them, remember? Anyways, I don't think it's wise for us to take on too much burden with things we can't control.

Duo: We've saved the world twice before, so what do you suggest?

Heero: Open all windows.

Trowa: Let in some air.

Heero: Make fun of clowns.

Trowa: Like you just don't care.

Heero: Except Trowa and the circus he works at.

Trowa: Thank-you.

*Quatre smiles while the others share a look*

Heero: We're getting you guys out of here, okay?

Duo: But-

Trowa: No buts. We're going to the park.

Wufei: It's a boring park. No place to meditate.

Heero: Never make assumptions.

Duo and Wufei: 😡

Quatre: I have everything packed already. Let's go!

*Duo and Wufei won't budge*

Heero: *tosses car keys to Quatre* We'll catch up. *Picks up Wufei and carries him out the door*

Trowa: *Does the same with Duo*

Zechs: Lemon-

...

Zechs: Hmph. Looks like they're gone for now. *Calls the ladies*

~A few hours later~

Noin: I love this!

Sally: We should have an encore.

Une: Same here.

Zechs: What good dream should we give her next?

Sally: No more. We're running the show now. Let's make her write.

Une: My thoughts exactly.

Noin: I agree. Clear her mind so she can function at the Business Extravaganza tomorrow.

Sally: Let's make a toast to better days ahead.

Relena: Better days.

Dorothy: Better days for all the ladies.

Hilde: Better days!

Zechs: Wait, Dorothy-

Dorothy: *to Zechs* No uterus. No opinion.

Noin: More lemonade, anyone?

Relena: Over here!

Sally: I brought ice cream as well.

*Door bell rings*

Cathy: Chocolates and pineapples coming through!

Zechs: Okay, so can I-

Sally: No uterus, no opinion.

Sylvia: I never knew this place would get lit.

Hilde: Told you so! *Winks*

Relena: We should store them somewhere safe.

Zechs: I'll handle-

Une & Cathy: No uterus, no opinion.

Zechs: 'What did I get myself into?'

Sylvia: I've brought some card games if anyone wants to play.

Hilde: I'm in!

Relena: I'm in!

Dorothy: I'm in!

Cathy: Chick flicks after this!

Zechs: I need the boys to come back so-

Noin: Zechs-y baby... No uterus, no opinion. It's ladies time out here!

Zechs: 🤐

Noin: 🤭

[violetsystems]

#personal

I wouldn't say it's been going well at all lately. I had another package of coffee disappear. When I talked to customer support, they asked if I had confronted the mail carrier. I had to literally tell them the USPS truck seemingly lost my FOID card twice. So I didn't think it would help. Construction workers tore up the exit to the alley where I roll the granny cart discreetly for laundry and groceries. I haven't even done laundry on the property since somebody planted a bug in the dryer. I've been trying to network more professionally while still acknowledging my secret identity as a failed musician. Nobody listens to those podcast but me really I think. The cybersecurity ones. Everybody is too busy promoting themselves nostalgically as hometown heroes in the game. When you've lived in a city as long as I have, you start to think to yourself how your reality conflicts the happy faced, edge lord underground hype beasts year after year. And honestly people do grow older and get more irrelevant. You know this from watching me all these years. The more you age, the more partying without getting paid isn't really something that's beneficial to upward mobility. I did show up early to this cybersecurity conference I was invited to on LinkedIn. It was a great excuse to be seen in a different context, although I notice some of the same quirks and cliques. The second presenter made it a point to tell us he wore his Chicago house t-shirt and how he was a house music dj who worked for IBM. Emphasis on worked. I don't really get how policemen, firefighters, career brokers, and whoever else need to take up all the slots djing so no one gets paid for music. But in reality, I am qualified to work a real job. I have a twenty two year professional CV with over twelve years of management experience and college. I can't seem to get anyone to treat me like I exist. So while people laud Andy Warhol's use of repetition, I kick around the idea of at least showing that I can speak professionally about the things I'm qualified to do. It's just that nobody listens. Or if they do, it's to gossip about behind my back and figure out pranks. I wouldn't say that this isn't noticed. It's kind of a weird place to be if you are me. Infamous is the best word to describe it. Everybody thinks I work for some secret government organization. When I checked in for the conference the woman looked down at her pad solemnly when she handed me my badge. It said my name and my company. My title? Sole Proprietor. I probably should have stayed longer than I did. But people kept trying to sit next to me in such an obviously comic way, it felt better to catch the rest online at home.

It's really hard to live your life this ambiguously to be honest with people blockading your pursuit of happiness intentionally.. Nothing I have ever said here or wrote about has ever clicked beyond my closest friends on Tumblr. I don't have any friends anywhere else. This is not an exaggeration and it's not exactly hidden knowledge. A lot of people know that my entire past decided to ghost me with little or no protest from me. I'm not the type of person to confront people who don't want to acknowledge I'm hurt. I literally would not be on Facebook or instagram if I hadn't salvaged my password and submitted my passport. It was bricked the day I was let go from my job. I made the mistake of linking something to my work email of twenty years. My access and the front facing me was gone for about eight months. When I reappeared nobody really asked questions. Which meant nobody really cared. I'm not really a person who can take half assed attempts at friendship or love. Distance is distance and I loved through it intensely. If you don't think about someone when they are not there, you aren't thinking about them at all really. They just show up like a character in your sitcom every once and awhile. You wonder when they're going to write you out of the script. And you just kind of fade like a joke. Oh yeah, I remember Tim. But did you ever really care about Tim? I know what it's like to be cared about. I also know what it's like to be paid attention to. But society isn't that friend. It's much worse than anyone can imagine and I think that's on purpose. Nobody wants to face how much bad shit might be on the horizon. Nobody wants to spoil a good time even if the entire time was at my expense. Everybody thinks it will get better tomorrow just because things work out. And I'm a person who could tell you point blank, they don't work out for individuals. We like to say America is about personal freedoms but nobody ever respects your personal space and privacy. It's all about the group. Where you fit in to an incredibly shrinking pool of resources. We have become a coal miner economy in not just money but emotional value. We won't give back unless we can get more than our fair share. We won't pay you a working wage. We'll steal your ideas and bully you into thinking yours weren't good enough in the first place. We're a bunch of sore losers with perfect teeth who know all the popular discourse to sound intelligent but make stupid fucking moves in the street that would get a normal person killed.

It's hard to know your true value in a situation like this. And yet I'm old enough to know how to survive. I'm not really enjoying life. I'm never happy. People fuck with me in ways that literally should be answered with a brick to the face. Repeatedly. You don't know how many years I've spent yelling at myself trying to figure a way out. And yet I'm trapped behind a prison of secret messages, nods, and literally stupid people hijacking my personal prosperity for their social justice shit show. I know where this is headed. I can kick the can along and spend my life savings to wait for someone to treat me right. And generally my niche presence online often helps me realize the poker face I need to adopt in this. But really, the uselessness of all the people who have spoken my name and done nothing. You know how badly people hurt me. You listen to these people talk shit and lie online when you mention my name. They pretend I don't exist. And honestly, if you participate in that you know what your future will be like. It can happen to you. Only worse. You could be abandoned. Left for dead. Ridiculed and trapped. Tormented in weird ways by the social order that controls the police, the media, and whatever else you are indebted to. And you can ultimately become part of the problem. You really don't achieve anything in life by hurting a person this badly. And yet you do. Because the majority of people I've seen in the two decades that act like this aren't really in control of their lives. They're swayed by popular opinion, hard drugs and a need to be accepted. They don't realize how sheeplike they've become until they're lost and panicking. And I can feel that on the horizon. A meltdown of sorts. You see, I know most people don't fucking make sense when they talk. I know this because I have written here publicly for you all to read for years. You lie. You ignore the problems in front of your face. You hope the storm will pass and you watch it engulf me in the mist. And when the mist clears? I'm still here. Telling you I told you so. And when it comes for you, you won't know how to escape it. Because you were too busy looking the other way. I'm not saving any of these people from my past. My future has been in my dash for years. Those people literally tried to sabotage it and will continue to because they're petty and full of hate for themselves. This is why we can't have nice things. Because we can't bury the ghosts from our past properly. And that's why I still haunt the internet week after week. With nothing but the same old love. I really hope that's worth something. Because I know what it's like to be made to feel worthless. <3 Tim

[tamakirishima]

I'm so glad you're back!!! I've missed reading your headcannons and fics. When ever you get the chance do you do a continuation of where kbtbb remember the mc (from when they had amnesia) and they go to get her back? Thank you sm b❤️❤️

I actually have gotten quite a few requests for this! Thank you all for being so patient with me! I hope you guys enjoy this This isn’t my best work, since I just started writing today, so I hope you guys deal with my cheesiness.. 

If you haven’t read the first part, you can access it here: http://tamakirishima.tumblr.com/post/108038500606/kbtbb-guys-with-amnesia

———————————————————-

Eisuke: The thought of coming back to Tres Spades made you sick to your stomach, but you had nowhere else to go. 

Heaving a sigh, you wrap the vacuum up and take one final look over the spotless hotel room before closing the door. You’ve been trying to keep busy so that you wouldn’t have to face reality anytime soon, but reality was coming sooner than you expected.

“_____! We have an emergency in the penthouse and Mr. Ichinomiya has called for housekeeping now!” Chisato says, breathless from running around the halls.

“Do I have to be the one that goes up? I can call Erika or someone else..” you respond, trying to hold your face from dropping any further. 

“Please, ______. I’m busy and it’s an emergency..” Chisato says with an urgent tone. 

You reluctantly agree and lightly jog towards the elevator to go up to the penthouse. Once you arrive at the beautiful white doors, you take a deep breath and slowly turn the golden handle to reveal Eisuke sitting on the couch with a newspaper in his hand. He notices you and looks up with a head nod. 

“You called, Mr. Ichinomiya?” you ask, trying not to burst into tears.Eisuke puts down the newspaper and slowly walks over to you with his hands in his pockets. 

“Why the hell aren’t you answering your pager?” he asks, with an annoyed tone. “Do you think that you can just ignore me and get away with it?” 

“I’m sorry, Mr. Ichinomiya, I do not have a pager for work.” You reply, very confused.

“_______. Stop calling me Mr. Ichinomiya when we’re in private. Now that you’re here, can you just make me a coffee?” he asks, rolling his eyes and going back to the sofa. 

“I’m confused, Mr. Ichinomiya. Is this how you treat your housekeepers?” you ask, your confusion growing.

“No. This is how I treat my girlfriend.” Eisuke says, looking at you weirdly. Your heart is caught in your throat and you can hear blood pumping in your ears from the tension. Did he forget what happened…again?

“Oh yeah? Prove it. Prove that I’m your girlfriend.” You say, puffing out your chest.

Eisuke smirks and walks directly to you, pressing his lips to yours with a passionate kiss, with his hands sliding up your waist. Your hands find themselves wrapping his neck and tangling into his hair, as tears fall down your cheek. He’s back.

Soryu: Ever since Soryu lost his memories with you, it was almost as if his emotions were in the negatives. Business was booming for the Ice Dragons, but Ryuzo and Samejima started to worry for their boss without you. 

After weeks of Soryu overworking himself and negatively impacting his life, Ryuzo couldn’t take it anymore and asked you to come over and talk with him. Any other day would have been fine, but he chose the day when the biggest transaction for the Ice Dragons was taking place.

The gloomy afternoon made your stomach churn with anxious thoughts racking in your head. Was Soryu going to kick you out immediately? Or will he give you a chance to talk? As you walked up to the office of the Ice Dragons, you felt like the strength was draining out of your body.

Upon entering the office, you were greeted by Ryuzo, Samejima, Soryu, and a couple of men in suits with wide eyes.

“Who is she and what is she doing here?!” a suited man asked, reaching for his gun in his breast pocket. 

“She’s just our friend!” Ryuzo spoke out, while Samejima slapped him for speaking out something so ridiculous. 

Ryuzo turned bright red and looked at you with a concerned look. Another suited man closer to you wrapped his arm around your neck, and pointed the gun at your temple. 

“Soryu, tell us what the hell is going on, or your friend dies. We don’t play games. I will pull the trigger.” he said in a low voice, making Soryu jump up in surprise all of a sudden. 

Soryu looked at you with an expression that didn’t need words. “We’re been here before, haven’t we ________?” he asked you, his words suddenly soft. The way he said your name made your heart leap in all different directions. What did he just say?  

“Let her go.” Soryu growled at the men, before drawing his own gun and pointing it at the man that was holding you hostage.

“You don’t want to do that, do you? If I let her go, that means we go and you can kiss this deal goodbye.” The man said, with a taunting tone.

“Fine by me. I don’t care for the deal anymore.” Soryu stated, basically kicking them out of the office.

The men gathered their things and pushed you back to the Ice Dragons, glaring daggers into your general direction before slamming the door behind them.

“Soryu, I-” you started, before Soryu caught your lips with his with a level of passion that made up for the lost weeks away from each other.

Baba:After constantly trying to help Baba remember you and your relationship, you were on the verge of giving up everything when he asked you out on a date.

“Excuse me?” you ask, taken back at his question. 

“A lovely lady like yourself going after me is a gift for me, the only acceptable thing for me to do is take you on a date.” Baba says with a wink and a tip of his hat. 

“Well… I don’t know.” you say, hesitant of your feelings. 

“If you do want to accept my offer, please let me know. I’ll be waiting.” he says, kissing your hand and turning away. 

“Wait!” you say, before he can go any further. Baba turns around with his signature cheesy smile, and you can’t help but smile back. 

“Tonight at 7PM. Lobby. I’ll be waiting.” you say, hoping that you won’t regret this.

“Where are my keys?!” you mutter to yourself, rummaging through your tiny dorm to find your missing keys. After throwing the duvet around, you finally find them wedged in between your mattress and the wall. 

“Thank goodness! What time is-” you start to mutter again, when you realize it’s already 6:58. You rush out of the dorm and start running towards the Tres Spades. 

As you enter the lobby, Baba greets you with a warm smile.

“Right on time! Shall we?” Baba asks, holding out his arm for you. You happily take it, with a bittersweet feeling in your chest.

Throughout the night, you constantly request to go to the same places as you went on your first date, hoping to jog some of Baba’s memories. No matter what, Baba seemed to act as if everything was new to him, making you feel worse and worse. After dinner, you decide to try one more thing. The rooftop.

After getting on the same roof Baba took you at the beginning of your relationship, you both sit down and take in the lights of the city. 

“How did you know that this place was special to me?” Baba asked, with the most serious face he could muster. 

“Because.. I’ve been here with you before.” you whispered, barely able to start crying. 

Suddenly, Baba clutches his head and shakes his head. Shortly after, he looks at you genuinely and squeezes your hand. With one look, you knew that he knew.

Ota:Even though two weeks passed since Ota couldn’t recognize you, it was agonizing knowing he was in the penthouse a couple floors above you, while you were working. Your shift was over, but you couldn’t bring yourself to get up. On the corner of your locker, a beautifully decorated flyer for the new art exhibit caught your eye. 

Apparently there was a pop up exhibit for Ota’s new art collection, and you were invited. Your heart sank. Was this a sign? Maybe you should go check it out. Shaking your head, you snatched the flyer off the wall and stuffed it into your bag before getting changed out of your uniform.

You took the long way home; just to walk past the gallery that Ota was having his exhibition at, only to stop at the entrance. You pulled out the crumpled up flyer from your bag, and took a deep breath. With all the strength you could muster, you found yourself opening the doors to the gallery and walking into an empty gallery. 

With shaking hands, you took off your coat and hung it up on the rack. Maybe this wasn’t the best idea, you thought.You were almost about to leave from the door you came from, when you noticed it. The painting.

This painting looked darker than Ota’s regular style and you could feel your heart racing as you got closer to it. One side of the painting had a silhouette of a woman in a lighter room, with a man falling down into the darker side of the painting. It was something so simple, yet so touching. It had the words, “Regret” and “Reprise” at the bottom of the painting in beautiful handwritten letters.

As you got closer to the painting, you realized that Ota was standing in front of it, drinking a glass of champagne. Immediately, you tried to escape, but your feet didn’t cooperate.

Ota noticed you, put down the glass, and smiled that familiar smile only you knew.

“_______. This is my apology. This is for you.”“You… You know-” you started to ask, when Ota simply smiled with tears in his eyes and interrupted you.“Yes. How can I forget my Koro? My beautiful girlfriend? My ________?”

Mamoru:It’s been a whole week and a half since Mamoru couldn’t remember you, and every passing day has gotten progressively worse for you. Everyday, you’ve gone to work, but all you could do was remember his look when he treated you like another “kid.”

There was another event in the casino, and you had to volunteer for service. You didn’t want to be at home alone anyways, so it was the best to grab an extra shift at the event.

You quickly changed into the event uniform and head out with the rest of the servers to the casino floor. You were only going to be serving drinks, but it was new and exciting, since you were only used to housekeeping.

All the guys from the penthouse were sitting by the blackjack table, either watching or playing. You did your best to avoid that table, and started to take drink orders from the guests at the slot machines. You actually managed to not interact with any of the penthouse guys for the majority of your shift, until a drunken man started to touch you.

“Sir, is there anything I can help you with?” you asked, trying your best not to smack him in the face.

“Nah, I’m okay.” he slurred, focusing his vision onto your body.

You shuddered and turned around, when he grabbed your bottom and squeezed it. Nobody was around you, so it wasn’t like you could ask someone for help. You started panicking, when the man stood up and pressed his body against yours, trying to grab at anything he could touch. He breathed heavily in your ear, while he tried his best to kiss your neck. Just as fast as he got on you, the man was thrown off immediately. Upon looking up, you saw Mamoru with clenched fists and a furious expression on his face.

“Mamoru..” you whispered, not able to look away from your boyfriend, or ex-boyfriend. “Why are you here?”

“I told you I would protect you for the rest of my life, didn’t I?”