#I've had too many issues with doctors but i NEED SOMETHING CHANGED

[snubbullls]

Trying not to doom spiral

Trying not to doom spiral

Trying not to doom spiral

[frownyalfred]

Arkham Prince - Masterlist of Posts

I've linked the major asks below with a preview (edited for length) below, grouped by subject/theme and rough chronological order of how I received them. Additional shorter asks/clarifying questions, as well as shorter bits of commentary are at the very bottom.

The very first post:

I have been thinking about the idea of Bruce going insane without being Batman, about Batman being his coping mechanism, and that reblog that was like "he would definitely have ended up in Arkham if he didnt make Batman." Now I'm thinking of an AU where that is exactly the case, and maybe Clark expands his interest towards Gotham a bit, as much as he doesnt like heroing there, because it is the neighbor city of Metropolis. It's like his backyard. And maybe he wants to understand the problem of Gotham at the root, so he goes as Clark Kent, reporter, to interview the patients at Arkham, and there meets Bruce Wayne. Maybe falls in love. Maybe its angsty as fuck because this Bruce is 10 times less adjusted than the Bruce we're used to, but of course, equally as brilliant. (Maybe he could escape any time he wanted but thinks he would murder people if so. Maybe he doesnt trust his anger.)

Expanding Asks:

the idea of arkham patient bruce wayne has burrowed into the depths of my mind. this is SUCH a fascinating thought and changes so many things…how does the justice league fare without batman? how does alfred? i’d assume alfred is given bruce’s guardianship when he’s institutionalized, and i could even see him taking in the robins – finding and helping these children who remind him so much of his own boy, trying not to fail them as he failed bruce. how bruce himself does in arkham is so interesting to consider…is he kept on the same level of security as the real supervillains? is he moved there after Events?

Clark, realizing the League has a problem, a trap from someone like Lex they don't know how to unknot, something which requires finesse and strategy which is a little beyond them... taking that stroll (flight) down to Gotham, feeling insane himself for seeking advise here of all places... but the Arkham Prince delivers. Clark explains the situation, answers questions that he had no idea related to the issue, and Bruce hands him the solution in the span of 10 minutes, while the League had been brainstorming and going in circles over this for days...

Clark Kent and the Arkham Prince Finding Common Ground:

clark’s first attempt to interview the prince of arkham go about as well as you might expect, given that he’s a reporter with sunshine all but seeping out of his pores. the first time bruce doesn’t even talk to him, too furious at the gall of this metropolitan newshound to interrogate him for the sake of some gruesome, sensationalist op-ed obviously about the tragedy of the family wayne and the irredeemable mire of gotham to do anything more than death-glare at him for the entire length of the meeting. but clark, unsatisfyingly, doesn’t give up after that. if bruce doesn’t talk to him, he sure talks to bruce, and with each subsequent interview the questions…change. no longer trying to establish facts about bruce’s life or his crimes, not asking about his experience in arkham, not even going for the low-hanging fruit of why’d you train for years to kill those people, but seemingly random and unrelated things. he wants bruce’s opinions on emissions policies (need to be stricter and more tightly enforced, especially in gotham, jesus, there’s a reason lung cancer and asthma rates are through the roof) and lex luthor’s keynote speeches (unprintable, wiped from clark’s tape recorder in case luthor somehow finds out) and whether or not clark should buy a new suit (why bother, it won’t be any less tragic than every other polyester abomination he cruelly forces bruce to look at every time he stops by). clark slowly and stubbornly makes himself as much a part of bruce’s routine as visits with alfred and lucius and the doctors, and all the while superman is playing a high-stakes game of mental chess with the sinking suspicion that bruce wayne has already won in more ways than one bruce figures out kent is superman about three hours after the first time big blue gets namedropped during an interview. he commences with a plan that is part honeypot, part campaign of psychological warfare, and part genuine bid to get this midwestern alien who holds the safety of his city in his hands to try and give a damn like a proper gothamite would, like no one but bruce ever seems to.

Clark, whose one of his grestest fears is being constrained, treated as a threat, dissected, studied, as the alien specimen he is. He has to pretend. He had to be so careful. Every day or he won't have a life to live.

Clark asking the Arkham Prince to Consult for the JL:

i would kill to have clark-as-supes get some kind of special dispensation to bring arkham prince bruce to the jl hideout (the watchtower doesn’t to be without batman’s engineering/logistics knowhow and WE funding, at least not until bruce is more formally considered a consultant) for help on one of lex’s more convoluted and immediate threats. it’s just not possible for bruce to solve the problem in isolation without the league’s resources, so instead of bringing league missions to bruce superman has to bring bruce to the league mission. i started imagining the team’s reaction to their unwitting reliance on criminally insane mass murderer bruce wayne and then i remembered oliver exists and now i feel only sadness thinking about that particular reunion

Just wondering how regular JL universe would react to meeting this au, meeting Batman and seeing Bruce Wayne's potential Would they realize that their Bruce is limited by what he can do inside Arkham, but that this Batman is also limited by his own rules and codes. Would Ollie be crushed at what his former friend could have been, thinking maybe if he had stepped up and been a "better friend" Bruce wouldn't be in Arkham, he could of been working beside him instead. Can imagine Batman saying "I don't kill" and Bruce just smiling in what should have been the brucie smile and replying "but I do"

The crossover is so funny in regards to Supes. Like here's Arkham Prince AU Clark, terribly in love with a version of Bruce who is so unavailable to him on so many levels, aching with it every time he dares think about it, staring at Regular Universe Clark in complete and utter disbelief. (expansion of "regular JL universe" ask above)

Your take on Prince of Arkham's level of influence on JL members, at the top being of course Clark. And also: first time he is taken into the JL base, does he hack into their systems?

OMG arkham bruce and clark have gotten closer and maybe clark makes bruce promise not to kill again after bruce gets out of arkham so he can join the jl but then someone is killed and theres evidence it was bruce but bruce swears it wasnt him ( bc it wasn’t him ) but theres so much evidence that even clark is starting to doubt bruces innocence and the jl has to kick him out and hes taken back to Arkham or for interrogation and then ANGST BRUCE BEING TORTURED FOR CONFESSION BUT HE STILL SWEARS HE DIDNT DO IT until its proven that he didnt do it

@bat-chik's Harvey Dent Visits Bruce in Arkham

"We can't even claim self defense," Harvey continued. "You-" "He has cancer." Harvey blinked at the non-sequitur, "What?" Finally, the orphaned Wayne turned and faced him, face blank, unconcerned about how much more this action would add to his sentencing. Unconcerned except for the steel eyes seething yet holding back so much hurt. Harvey remembered once again, with a small pang, why he had gotten a crush on Bruce in their college days. "Nygma. He has cancer. The only way to get medical care in Arkham is by ending up in the hospital wing." Bruce moved with all the weight of the world on his shoulders and sat in the bolted chair across from his lawyer, and life long friend.

Where are the Batkids in This?

pls consider. a dick greyson who gets tossed in arkham after tracking down and torturing then killing killing his parent's murderer. tiny and lost now that what was driving him is done. a bruce wayne who hasnt been in That long yet, not long enough for people to see him as a threat rather than just an oddity, who takes one look at that angry little kid and says "oh. oh that ones mine" and spends as much time with the kid as he can. and bruce Loves gotham, thats his whole drive. but to dick, gotham is nothing but the place his world crumbled. and i think this bruce never sat with his feelings of grief either. i think he always needed a cause. and i think he saw dick having lost his cause and tries to help him find another (id like to put forth escaping as a hobby, managing to get into Any part of arkham that he pleases especially with his athleticism and small size)

It would be funny if in the Arkham Prince AU, since all the kids are in there for being um - gremlins and down with murder - that Jason in this was the pacifist?

Re: Jason being the pacifist: "I will follow you forever because you killed him." Endlessly devoted Jason my beloved. If you give him one (1) positive attention he will light himself on fire to keep you warm. I love him so much. Self destructive king.

Tim committing a crime just to end up in Arkham and study the famed insane Bruce Wayne is actually startlingly in character for him...

Clarifying Asks:

when do you see him as getting committed? was he already batman? did he already have any of his kids? if not, what *happened* to those kids who never had bruce to fight for them?

Okay, but since Bruce is the Prince of Arkham, whats stopping his kids from being in there with him?

Oh I am sooooooooo curious about what Clark thinks about Arkham Bruce having a gaggle of prison murder children.…you ever think he’s asked Dick to give Clark flowers during one of his escapes????? Or is that too corny for them.

I've seen some Arkham Prince asks and responses referring to Bruce still being rich, but would he still be?

Additional Thoughts:

i am torn between the other Inmates Hating bruce (hes the picture of those who hurt them. a rich man who is just like them but gets Way less pain for it) and adoring him

Picture this, Alfred goes to see Haly's, sees another black haired blue eyed child losing his parents at just about the same age. Another feral child with murder in his eyes.

it’s extremely important to me to consider arkham prince bruce with longer, shaggy hair and a perpetual three-day beard

The smut in the Arkham Prince AU would be INSANE.

This Arkham Prince AU has folks in a choke hold but ya'll forget one thing. The Joker and Harley Quinn.

god i am just exploding thinking about bruce and sex in the arkham prince au. there is absolutely no way he’s not accustomed to exchanging sex for favors, information, anything he wants or needs. (additional thoughts on how Clark fits into this/Superbat)

Okay hi so my main source of Arkham knowledge is the Penguin show so I’m gonna ramble a bit about factions and divides and stuff. (Sofia Falcone expansion)

continuing my thoughts on Sofia Falcone coming off your great opinions to my last ask.

There is a parallel thread between Bruce and Sofia

[nrdmssgs]

can you write something with reader and gromsko and how gromsko would treat her if she was his wife? i’ve heard some seriously questionable things about polish people from my boyfriend, he could be biased but from what i know they are super misogynistic and gromsko gives off traditional vibes yknow.

Masterlist

Wow, that is a very interesting request, actually!

First of all, I am very sorry, that your boyfriend had bad experience with Polish people and I really hope, that things get better. My very first work was in a Polish company, and I've met the sweetest, nicest people there. There was literally one issue - I was young, tiny and underweight, and they all felt sorry about that and constantly tried to feed me.)) So the reason I'm telling this here is to highlight, that there are so many different people in every country.

I don't have anything against authors, who chose to depict him as very traditional (in a negative way) person. It is always important to not forget, such people exist. But I want to offer you a slightly different approach to him. Let's just call it an experiment and see, if it works both for you and me, ok? We will keep this guy traditional more or less, but shift him to a non-toxic side.

Husband Gromsko HCs

Long before the marriage, he takes you with him on a trip across Poland to meet his relatives. Won't stop until you meet everyone. Grannies, aunties, nieces - everyone. You are about to become part of his family and it's important to him, that you are truly integrated in the family and shown love from every single part of it.

He asks his parents to bless your marriage, and definitely asks your parents to let him make a proposal to you. It is not that he is dependent - he was raised in a culture, where respect to elderly is everything.

Regardless of how devout he and you are (even if you are an atheist), Gromskо will persuade you to a traditional wedding ceremony.

If you do not belong to any church or are simply a representative of another faith, he will not rest until he persuades the priest of his native church to allow you two to marry.

Yes, this guy will start to fight for your marriage long before it even starts. He doesn't try to force you into faith though. If needed - he is ready to pray for you both. Because you are his love and Sobieslaw has enough faith to keep you in Gods good books.

Once you are his, truly and finally his - Sobieslaws mind is all concentrated on two objectives: domesticating you and welcoming children in your family.

His biggest fear is to fail you. And in his mind, keeping you on your work equals failing you. If you worry about money - it means to Gromsko, that he doesn't provide well enough.

It will take a lot of talking to change his mind. But eventually he will understand. No matter, what he is taught to believe - you, his wife, love of his life, come first. Always. If you are 100% sure, this is the way, you want to live - he will support your choice to keep your work.

He wants children. Not a single child - children. It will break his heart, if you are not in the same boat with him on that one. He won't push you too hard, won't give ultimatums - but he will constantly try to bring the similar wish into your mind.

He is a 'look how adorable these little ones', 'look how tiny this baby beanie is' type of guy. Watches his friends kids on the playground, while embracing you lovingly and whispering 'they are sweet, but our little treasure would be the sweetest'.

If you are as enthusiastic as he is, and you get pregnant - prepare to meet doctor Gromsko. He won't leave your side, not for a day, even if it affects his career. Who gives a f**k about work stuff, when the most important person out there prepares to gift him the second most important person in his life?

He will monitor you constantly, take you to every single check up, make sure you get all the essential vitamins, have enough of fresh air daily and NO stress.

Will welcome his child with tears, will cover your face with frantic, desperate kisses afterwards. "Dziękuję kochanie... dziękuję, dziękuję,dziękuję*!"

Gromsko loves it, when everybody knows, that you are his and he is yours. So please, if you take off your wedding ring for any reason - wear it on a chain as a necklace. Otherwise, he will be terrified, that it is a sign, you don't want him by your side anymore.

He is constantly worried, you might get sick, so he makes sure, you are always warm, you eat well (no matter what your body type is, his granny will still call you too thin, so Sobieslaw will worry about that), you get health checkups every now and then (even if you are feeling perfect!!!).

The most supporting guy, if you decide for any reason, that you don't want to work actively and choose to stay at home.

Gromsko won't just settle with 'ok, good, now I finally have a stay at home wifey'. He will make sure, you like every part of your home, have enough time and space for your hobbies, feel safe and loved.

By the way, the guy looks like the 'I'll build our house on my own' type. Who, if not him, knows better, what makes an ideal home for you and him? Of course, you can choose all the decorations, materials and so on. But he is the one, doing the building.

Dziękuję kochanie… dziękuję, dziękuję,dziękuję - Thank you, love... thank you, thank you, thank you.

[breaking-binary-system]

So, especially with it being disability pride month, I've noticed something more and more: A lot of people, disabled and able-bodied, give a TON of hate to us ambulatory wheelchair users. So, I decided fuck it let me tell people a story about one.

There was this boy. He grew up with a disabled father and a mother who had a ton of chronic pain. He could see the effects. By the time this boy was 5, his father walked full time on a cane.

When he turned 11, he started suffering from severe debilitating leg pain. To the point he would miss school for days and would spend all day every day sobbing his eyes out from how severe it took, even after taking the max amount of ibuprofen and Tylenol he could. He eventually got into seeing a rheumatologist out of fear it was something rheumatology related.

For 6 years, the boy was constantly in pain and the most he would get told is "well your double jointed that's why you have this much pain, just go do physical therapy". That never helped him. When he turned 17, everything changed.

He went to go see a different doctor at this office, one he had to wait years for since she saw adults and, well, 17 was just close enough to be tolerated. She looked at his blood tests and did a physical and came to a realization.

"It's not that you're double jointed, you have rheumatoid arthritis. It's why your shoulders grind, they lack cartilage now from years of this disorder. Let's do our best to treat it"

That started a year's worth of trial and error before she finally decided to give the boy an immunosuppressant that had worked for his father who also had the disorder. He wasn't cured but, quickly, his symptoms started to go away more and more.

This boy, from the age of 15 on, had to use mobility aids frequently if not all the time. It started with a simple cane and while it helped, his hands couldn't take the pressure on his nerves. So, he tried a walker. And that helped too. Forearm crutches were best to get him still able to have some ability to walk. He found something that made his life a lot easier however.

His grandfather had a multitude of issues, many of which required him to have a wheelchair before he passed. So, his grandfather made it known that any mobility aids the boys father didn't use, the boy was more than welcome to have. So, he decided one day to try and use the wheelchair.

Suddenly things were so much easier. He couldn't walk all the time yes and he didn't need the chair 24/7 but it meant that when his POTS was acting up or he was in a arthritis flare up, he could use a wheelchair and still be mobile. It changed his life. However he wasn't free from shame and hate on how he shouldn't use one.

He was told repeatedly it wasn't that bad and he was being dramatic and was taking away from people who actually needed them. This boy was 18. He had a disorder that was seen as an "old person" disorder. His body was literally attacking itself. And here was a ton of people attacking him for needing a wheelchair or, if he was in a store with them, a mobility scooter.

This boy took months of steady therapy to be willing to even go in public with the wheelchair again. A lot of it took support from his boyfriend and his father who encouraged him and reminded him that it was OKAY to use a mobility aid, even if he didn't need it 24/7.

If you haven't caught on now don't worry, I'll just say it. I am that boy. I still need reminders from my boyfriend or my father that it's okay to need my wheelchair and I'm not stealing anything, my body has day's of different intensities. Take today.

I thought all I would need is forearm crutches and I'm typing this in my wheelchair and I feel a lot better now that I've used it since, due to the fact this chair is meant to be sat in for someone with a disability not just a regular every day chair, my legs are feeling a shit ton better.

My left knee has been in an awful flare up for about a month and a half at this point. Today it got unbearable so I just sat in the wheelchair my dad keeps at his job for me. I can move now without wanting to cry.

This is a really long post and I'm not entirely sure why i started it to be honest, blame the whole "oh yeah I have a CDD" and the fact that, well, I've been diagnosed with ADHD, specifically attention deficit part.

Something I wanna end this long post on. Don't think just because you saw someone walking yesterday or even 10 minutes ago and now they're in a wheelchair that they're faking or something. Shit can change in a matter of MINUTES.

[goldeneyedgirl]

Ficmas Day 11: Feral Jasper/Mary-Alice

Good evening ducklings! I've come down with a spectacular flu, so more notes tomorrow. I got a bunch of different requests for today, so I picked one at random and it was Feral Jasper/Mary-Alice.

But all the suggestions were fun and excellent, so I will be doing a few more snippet posts in January to get them all in <3

Anyway, it's time I got some sleep so I hope you enjoy this part!

As with most things, the time comes for the Cullens to move on. It’s been five years since they arrived in Pennsylvania, and anything longer will invite gossip about the young doctor and his family living in that big old house outside town. They already draw enough attention as it is.

So it’s time to go. Carlisle and Esme decide that privately, out of earshot of the others, before they make the announcement. It’s going to be more difficult this time, because it’s Jasper’s first move. This is the only home that he’s known since they found him, and leaving it will be a strain. They’ve watched him since he arrived here become stronger and more certain in his place amongst them. And this place, this house and the looming forest, played an important role in that. They only have so many properties with grounds this size, that are appropriate for a vampire to roam privately and safely.

But vampires are traditionally nomadic, and just because the scenery and set changes, doesn’t mean anything else will. Esme is convinced she can make Jasper understand that this is necessary and a good thing. Montana will be wonderful; the hunting there is good, and even though they don’t technically own a large parcel of land there, they have a great deal of privacy.

Jasper’s so reasonable, there’s no reason he wouldn’t understand.

None at all.

//

Mary-Alice is perched in the crook of a branch when Jasper shows up. She’s exactly where he left her, except for the fact that she ran into the second-closest town to hunt (Jasper had been unhappy when she admitted to hunting in the nearest town; the Cullens needed complete secrecy and Mary-Alice’s first few hunts made the Cullens worried and suspicious about nomads. She flat-out refused to give up human blood entirely, not when it made her stronger and sharper than animal blood, but she had quickly agreed that running a few more miles to the next appropriate town was not an issue.)

“Jasper.” She immediately abandons her task - weaving together stems and leaves into some kind of coronet. It’s a good task, one that keeps her mind still.

If she didn’t have something to occupy her in the hours Jasper was back with the Cullens, she’d go completely mad worrying that harm had fallen to him, even if she knows with conviction that Emmett would protect Jasper if anything happened. That’s reassuring in a foreign way - she’s never really had anyone to entrust with anything. She’s never really had anything valuable enough to need to protect it, aside from her own life.

(Maria would be laughing at her now. She spent decades trying to crush any sort of emotion or ambition from her people, to know that Mary-Alice spends most of her day on tenterhooks over the safety of her dearest… friend, that would make Maria howl with laughter. She always said that Mary-Alice was too sour and unpleasant to have a mate or a coven or even a friend. No one likes a girl who calculates the force, weight, and trajectory of their decapitation the first time they meet.)

He looks drawn and almost worried when he looks at her, but there’s a softening around his eyes when he spots her - he has to remind himself to relax so often, that she can almost spot the moments he tells himself to calm down.

But Jasper still looking solemn the she lands on the boulder next to him, to do her usual check of his state - he’s washed, his clothing is neat and clean, and his eyes are bright. No changes in the last few hours, which is good. That’s what she wants.

“Mary-Alice.” He reaches out and takes her hand, squeezing it.

They haven’t really talked about the kiss on the cheek. He had caught her by surprise, do that, and she didn’t entirely understand what he meant by that. He’d told her something about saving him, but he was running out of words when he explained, so she didn’t push. But since then, he touches her more often. And yes, she has some rather… feline tendencies as far as curling up against him when they’re alone. Emmett Cullen had laughed at her and asked if she was going to start purring the singular time he’d caught her curling up half on Jasper’s lap. But the touching that Jasper has started doing is something very, very different. He’s holding her hand a lot, touching her hair and her face which makes her edgy, and he’s holding her more, especially before he leaves.

“Something’s wrong,” she says in that same flat voice she greeted him with.

“The Cullens are leaving Pennsylvania.” The strain on his face is suddenly evident and that’s bad. That’s when he starts to struggle the most, with his weakness, his speech, his physical coordination. He’s made amazing strides over the last year, but there is always regression when he’s upset - like when Rosalie Cullen tried to teach him to drive.

“Where are they going?” This isn’t unexpected. It is obvious that they couldn’t maintain a permanent residence in a town this small, especially if Carlisle Cullen was posing as a human. She’s seen little flashes of things, but nothing concrete - mentioning it to Jasper would have been pointless and distressing.

“Montana. Friday. We leave for Montana on Friday.” He’s tugged free of her now, and is pacing. “We’ve driving to Montana, we have to pack the house.” Oh, very distressed - his speech is stilted and repetitive.

“Calm.” She tries to make her voice gentle but she doesn’t think it works very well because he doesn’t even look at her. “Everything will be fine, Jasper.”

“I won’t go without you.” He stops then and has the most stubborn look she’s ever seen on his face. It’s almost cute, the indignant expression and the way he looks directly at her. “I won’t leave you behind.”

She gives him a small smile. “Unless you tell me to go, I’ll follow you wherever you go,” she replies and his stance softens slightly. “Do they still think that I’m a delusion?”

Jasper scowls. A yes, then.

“I wouldn’t like travelling in a vehicle anyway.” She can’t imagine how many things this family has that driving is a necessity. So far, she’s calculated that Jasper has at least twelve sets of clothing, which would be difficult to carry long-term. And that doesn’t even consider any of the books that Jasper has mentioned are in the house. It’s only been two months since Jasper presented her with the little oilskin bag to carry her ‘things’ (a dried flower, a wooden comb, a spare dress) so that she didn’t have to discard anything that wasn’t safe in her pocket. “I’ll run.”

Jasper shakes his head, and there’s a puff of frustration and worry that brushes against her for a split second.

“I could beat the Cullens there,” Mary-Alice reminds him, trying to be reassuring. She’s not very good at it.

“What if you run into trouble?” Jasper is frowning.

“I am trouble.” She doesn’t think that he gets it, honestly. That anyone who runs into her won’t walk away if they decide to pick a fight.

Jasper closes his eyes. “Will you meet them?” He finally asks.

Silence.

She looks into the future, to see what would happen so close to the Cullens move. And the vision flows so easily, it’s practically set in stone.

Carlisle and Esme horrified. Rosalie angry. Edward stoic. Emmett trying desperately to mediate. Montana is cancelled. They’re going to Vermont before settling in somewhere with snow; there are five other vampires there, solemn when the Cullens arrive. They’re trying to lose her, trying to hide Jasper from her, and he’s not recovered enough to be able to stand his ground. Instead, she’s left weaving her way through the country to try and find him again.

“They will spook if I approach them now.”

He sighs and looks down. “I worry about you,” he says simply, and Mary-Alice doesn’t have any idea how to reply to that.

[miasmaghoul]

I just, I don't even know what to say

W O W

Ok, serious chat for a moment. Warnings for mentions of an ED and medical mistreatment.

It's so frustrating to still see shit like this when I grew up in the days of fat free everything and Weight Watchers ads every 5 minutes on TV.

Why is it fat people that everyone agrees to dogpile on? We're bullied incessantly for something that a lot of us can't even fix or help, because people who AREN'T fat assume we're just lazy pigs. Like yeah, please just disregard my physical debility and MULTIPLE hormonal issues and just assume that I just shovel food into my mouth constantly. Oh, you say I can't have an eating disorder because I'm fat and "those people" are skinny? BOY DO I HAVE NEWS FOR YOU!

It's bullshit, full stop. I still struggle with my ED, but the older I've gotten the more open and honest with myself I've become. I've never sought treatment for it because, again, I'm still fat. The one time I did bring it up to a doctor, he said "well if you do have an eating disorder then you aren't doing a very good job." I wish I were making that up.

Fat is in my genes, and there are so many other contributing factors it isn't even funny. It's so pounded into our heads that we NEED to be thin (mostly targeting women, let's be real) in order to have value, and I'm so fuckin sick of still hearing about the latest severely unhealthy fad diet or what fucking celebrity is on ozempic.

Which, by the way, I did have pushed on me a couple years ago when regular people could still get their hands on it. It made me feel so much worse. Every dose would trigger a binge, and I would feel horrible for days afterwards. I told my doctor (different from the other one I mentioned) this, and she told me that it was just something I was going to have to deal with because look, you've lost 20lbs since your last visit!

I felt worse than I had in YEARS, but it didn't matter because my body was becoming more socially acceptable. Do you want to know how many times doctors have tried to shove weight loss surgery down my throat? Countless. No matter how many times I say I'm not even there to talk about my weight, and that those surgeries are NOT for me, someone always brings it up. It's crazy how hurtful being ignored for knowing your own body is, because someone else thinks you need to change.

I wish this was something I had figured out when I was younger, but alas. I wore a hoodie over my clothes for 6 years straight, regardless of how hot it was outside, just to try to hide. I made myself miserable, ate barely anything (which would just trigger a binge, of course) and had it beat into my head constantly that my weight was the most important thing about me.

Here's the thing it took me way too long to learn:

IT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER

You know what the number on the scale is? It's just a number. Your weight, high or low, is simply a tiny part of who you are as a human. If others choose to judge you based on it, that's not a failure on your part. It's on theirs. Being fat is not a crime, nor is it deserving of the insults and sneers we get in public spaces. People will always find a reason to stare, to whisper and giggle, and the best thing you can do for yourself is not give them the time of day.

I realize that's not easy. It's taken me 30+ years to reach a point where I've realized that going out in public is a necessity, and that the only reason I think people are staring at me is because advertisements like this punched the concept into my fragile little mind as a kid. At the end of the day, this is the one thing all fat people need to know:

Being fat is not a moral failure.

There is nothing wrong with you just because you need bigger clothes, mobility aids, or help from others. I don't care what anyone says - your weight is no one's business but your own. You want to lose weight? Go for it! More power to you, you'll get nothing but support from me. But there's nothing wrong with not wanting to do that either. That's really what it comes down to - the assumption that there's something inherently wrong with us because we're bigger than other people.

That's the part that needs to stop. And if anyone ever needs a reminder, my asks are always open. You're beautiful, I promise. 💜

Thank you for coming to my TED talk lmao

(I'm sure some asshole anons will come at me for "glorifying obesity" or "promoting unhealthy lifestyles". I assure you I am not. I am simply trying to help normalize a different mindset. If you're upset that fat people exist and that I'm saying they deserve the same care and compassion as anybody else, then you need to do a little bit of internal examination there. I promise fat people have not hurt you by virtue of existing in larger bodies ♡)

[zoroshark]

Hey! This is Zoro coming with an update about my health as quite a few things have happened the past couple of months. As some may know, I've been dealing with chronic pain and illness since February of last year as mentioned in this post here.

A quick summary of it was that I have been dealing with constant bladder and stomach problems suddenly that were disrupting day to day life as they were painful and constant. Despite the multiple hospital visits, nothing was really done and at the time I could only wait to see certain specialists (which required a lot of money to see). Recently however, I finally got an answer to what was causing me pain in one part of my stomach! The culprit was my gallbladder and it has been removed!

The rest of the post will be caught off so for those who want to read in more detail, but one issue has been solved (at least i hope so)!

I also want to note here and thank everyone who's been supportive of me during this rough patch in my life. I also want to thank those who sent money for the GoFundMe! However, due to a few circumstances which will also be explained in the read more section, I will be refunding it all to those who donated.

TLDR version of my reason is that I was advise to do so for the eligibility medical/financial benefits I've been looking into. The refunds should be sent in about a week, so keep and eye out!

TW for Medical related subjects such as surgery.

For what was causing me pain in my stomach, or at least one of the reasons:

Turns out I had gallstones that somehow CT scans and ultrasounds didn't pick up last year, despite the pain and discomfort I was in from them. It got to the point where the pain was so unbearable, I was crying for about 2-3 hours before going to the ER. They found one stone had thicken walls through the ultrasounds and my gallbladder was infected from these stones.

Because of the findings, I underwent surgery to completely remove it during my stay in the hospital. I am now close to two weeks post-op and so far it has relieved most, if not all, of the constant pain I've been in my upper right. While I still have issues elsewhere in my body, it feels nice to have one issue solved. I just hope I don't need another trip to the ER anytime soon.

As for the detailed explanation for refunding the GoFundMe donations:

A few months back I after the go found me, I was accepted in a financial assistance program that made doctor's visits way cheaper. From close to hundreds of dollars to 3 dollars, that was way more an affordable price range for me. Despite that, i kept the donations on hold just in cause anything changed or something wasn't covered by the program until now.

Along with that, I've been applying for disability as I am considered disabled by my psychiatrist due to my mental health. After talking to a few folks who knew about the system, they mentioned that the money from the fundraiser could harm the process in gaining these benefits. Their recommended course of action was to refund the money as a precaution, so I'm following their advice. After the refunds have gone through, I will be closing the fundraiser.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Again, I want to give a massive thank you everyone in general who have supported me through all this. Its been difficult, especially since I had to accommodate to the pain and changes in my body. There has been MANY ups and for sure downs, but I'm still holding on!

Thank you for reading on this update, and expect to see me slowly become active again on here! I'm still in my Zonai phase so expect more content revolving around that, along with possible Zora content. Original works not involving fandoms will also (hopefully) be posted too!

Im also thinking of opening commissions in the future! I'll need to ask about that first due to what I mentioned above, but as far as I'm aware, I should be okay to do so (but don't quote me on it). So keep an eye out!

[juvia-is-beast]

Hey Y'all I rarely post stuff of my own but I'm in need of help. I've always had a hard time asking for help but I've become desperate. I just moved out of my toxic Indian household at 27 with no savings because my mom would take all of my SSI checks and huge chunks of my paycheck that I worked for. I'm having a lot of health issues and chronic pain flare ups. I work at a college but I've been put in an administrative role until I can get my health in order. I don't have as many hours but now I can actually see doctors. My family was preventing me from getting help, from seeing doctors or getting my meds on time. I have PTSD and I can't drive because of it. I need financial help. I've been approved for SNAP but I'm waiting on my EBT card. I'll be going to a food bank tomorrow to get some food but that still leaves me with no funds to buy medical marijuana. I've been experiencing nerve pain the last 2 months and hormonal migraines for a straight month. I live in FL and it's super heavily taxed and I'm having trouble getting my muscle relaxers re-prescribed because I need a specialist to prescribe them for my insurance to keep paying for them. I have no other proper pain management rn. Please help me. I know the global climate is at its worst right now and I feel guilty making this post with everything going on in Palestine but that doesn't change the fact that I NEED HELP.

If you can help in any way please, even suggestions on what to do better with e-begging would be greatly appreciated.

My Cash@pp: $ButtPirate27

I can also tutor you online in Algebra if you need a math tutor I can help with Pre-Calc and Trig too but I'm far too rusty on Calculus to tutor but I would gladly tutor for any financial help.

If you want more info on my situation I don't mind sharing. I've been on Tumblr for 11 years and barely ever posted about my own life. I know that there are definitely people here willing to help but there have also been a fair share of scammers so I understand the hesitation. Here's my cat Ares, something cute to look at. I want to get him a cat tree too and a bin to make a housed litter box for him.

[asdcats]

Ways my autism affects me (some of these may cross over or be worsened by other disabilities), and what support I need

In loud environments I may struggle to speak, and in extreme cases (such as at concerts) I can loose the ability completely

Trouble with volume control (often told to speak up or stop shouting)

Trouble reading the tone of my own voice. Sometimes it doesn't seem to match how I feel.

Sometimes I feel the need to preform facial expressions to make up for my mismatched vocal tone

I often need help with writing emails/texts. Both in getting my point across and making sure the tone is right (not rude, too informal etc)

May need prompting/help joining or starting a conversation

Need supervision at the doctors as I can become overwhelmed and tend to not be able to process/remember what is being said

Whilst I can make some phone calls on my own I often need someone listing in on the conversation or even have them make the call on my behalf

I also need time to recover after phone calls no matter how short/casual

Audio processing issues

Can struggle to start tasks unless they are part of the days schedule/to do list (self imposed to do lists can sometimes work but are more likely to fall apart)

If one thing on the to do list is cancelled or altered (planing on doing something ehen im home alone and mum comes home early? Can't do it now. Doesn't matter if her being here is irrelevant its just not possible) my brain can short circuit and I may not be able to do other things I need to do even if theyba(I have gone a week or more without showering because of this)

Can struggle to stop tasks unless there is a clear stopping point (I have worked a full shift without a single break because there were no scheduled breaks and no one telling me to take one)

Can get sensory overloads and underloads

Will sometimes bite/hit/scratch myself, slam my head into walls, rub my skin until it burns

Struggle to leave the house without headphones (can do it if I have to but I will become overwhelmed and need to go back home a lot more quickly) due to sensory issues (and anxiety)

Can't wear clothes that are made from wool or velvet (or similar materials), have an image stitched on where the stitching can be felt from.the inside, or where they are loose in some areas but tight in the wrong areas (shirts with long puffed sleeves are the worse offenders of this)

Can have shut downs over sensory oveloads

Can have meltdowns usually caused by emotional triggers (being yelled at, bus being late causing my anxiety to spike), unexpected changes (on Saturday I nearly had a meltdown just because they brought me a chocolate fudge cake instead.of a fudge cake even though I like chocolate fudge. Because it wasn't what I asked for so I wasn't expecting it), loosing things no mater how small/unimportant (I once had a meltdown in college because I couldn't find my pen at the end of the day. Did I need it right there and then? No. Was it my only pen? No. Was it special? No. Did I have an emotional attachment to it? No. Did I still hurt myself over loosing it? Yes.)

Can not drive (poor spatial awareness, delayed reaction times)

Need someone to come with me if going to an unfamiliar place (once I've memorised the route I'm usually OK on my own) as I can get lost very easily and may panic

Have rules that whilst aren't super rigid I will be uncomfortable if they are broken (must sit on the same side of the sofa, must have certain drinks with certain foods, can't have chips/pasta/rice two days in a row)

Need help filling out forms

May need supervision whilst cooking an unfamiliar recipe (can't cook most things without one no matter how many times)

Can struggle with eye contact (though this isn't all the time)

Struggle to read.own emotions beyond good, bad, and ... unless very strong

Struggle to remember emotions unless.tied to a specific person or event (how have you been feeling this last week? Is my least favourite question)

Can have little or no empathy (depending on the day/ person) but a lot of compassion/sympathy/fear of people deciding to attack me for there bad moods that gets mistaken for empathy

Can sometimes struggle to get things done due to thinking about my special interest(s) (this morning I couldn't even sit down because I was thinking about transformers)

Can experience emotional.distress if stuck in a conversation that I have no interest in (I will.fein interest to be polite.but I will be fighting the urge to implode)

Trouble reading bodies queues (need to eat on a schedule so I don't skip meals)

Poor fine and gross motor skills (this one's more dyspraxia but there is some cross over), resulting in me dropping things, walking into walls, mistyping a lot (something you may have noticed reading this) and even sometimes drooling

Can only work part time and can struggle to meet basic needs on a work day

Whilst I'm not visibly autistic everyone can at least tell there's something different about me after only a short time interacting (I have never been told I don't look autistic)

(I also qualify for group housing and my mum should be getting carer support)

And yet there are still people who refuse to acknowledge I'm.disabled

[quirkwizard]

I've been wondering how medical care would be involved with quirks and what you thoughts were. Some thoughts I've had were if there are specialists for certain quirk types, such as fire quirks or physical therapists for strength enhancement quirks. Would checking the ability of a person's quirk factor into medical practices, because I doubt many quirks would be at their best performance at all times.

I've already talked about the medical field before, but I can always go over it again.

I could certainly see there being a lot of changes and advancements within the medical field. Quirks are biological in nature and would be covered by doctors. Surely, there would be to massive adjustments to have doctors are trained into to work with this whole new aspect of the human body. I can't imagine all the training doctors would have to go through in order to work with all the new parts a human may or may not have. How do you determine how Since we know that Quirks can be affected by psychological blocks, they are bound to be affected by physical issues of it. Besides very direct examples of it, like Gran Torino poor lungs weakening "Jet" as he ages, I think there are kinds of ways how your physical health could affect Quirks, even something as small and common as a cold. And while I'm not sure if there is any singular way to check someone's Quirk factor, as they are far too varied to fit under a single test, I'm sure you could run a series of tests based around the Quirk's functions. Like a doctor could test and compare the potency of someone's armored shell to a previous visit or see how potent someone's fire is on a dummy.

That being said, I'm not sure if there would be such specific fields for Quirks. I doubt that something as basic or common as a fire power would have a whole field dedicated to it. Besides being too specific of a field to have any kind of doctorate based around, I believe that Quirks are a whole are too diverse to really teach anyone. Then again, the medical world can have super specific surgeons and doctors, so there could be a chance that is a thing. I think it would be more likely that you'd need some equivalent of a general practitioner for Quirks, going to them for any and all medical issues related to Quirks or that whatever field that'd study in would be expanded to include those Quirks. Using the physical therapist examples, they would turn learn how to handle and get the equipment to handle people with hyper dense muscles. Otherwise, I think there would be specialists, just with a broader net. Like there could be a doctor who specializes in people with major mutations to their body, such as "Sludge Villain" or people with Animal Mutations. Stuff like that is such a massive deviation and a common enough issue that I could see it requiring that level of dedication to work it.

[ashleywool]

ramblings on the intersection of science and faith

My MRI report came in yesterday.

I'm not gonna get too deep into the medical details until I've had a chance to discuss it in-depth with the professionals (which unfortunately probably won't be until Monday at the earliest), but I do have some things I need to say about it.

First: I'm okay. My life is not in danger. Making these discoveries now has undoubtedly saved me years of struggle that may well have gone on to endanger my life. Instead, I get to address the source of many ongoing issues and most likely cure them all. Don't get me wrong, it's a pretty big deal, but not a big scary deal.

Second: yes, I will need surgery. This has not been officially confirmed and its safety signed off on by a doctor, but from reading everything I can get my eyeballs on, I don't see any reason under the sun why surgery would not be the logical and urgent (but not like, emergency urgent) next step.

Again, I'm not gonna go too deep into the details until I understand it better and we have a game plan in place. But I have to talk a little bit about the feelings that are bubbling up around all of this.

My condition, and the particular way it has manifested, is exceedingly rare. I mentioned one of the tests I took to a doctor who had to be older than my parents, and he said, "I have not heard those words in that order since medical school." Of course, I know that just because something is rarely reported doesn't necessarily mean its existence is rare. But in my case, it seems like it's both.

I'm a Broadway actress with no medical background and I somehow figured out what was going on in my body even though it was ridiculously unlikely to be true. And now the doctors have no choice but to acknowledge these discoveries.

I would not have discovered any of these things if it hadn't been for the show closing when it did, my ovarian demon babies causing trouble when they did, having that surgery when I did, and having a chance conversation with a friend who just happened to be marrying a friend I've known since high school (and wouldn't have known if it hadn't been for our one shared chorus class)...any tiny alterations to that timeline could have led to a completely new timeline.

I miss our show every minute of every day. My heart misses it. My bank account misses it. But also, if the show was still running, I'd be physically struggling even more, and I would not have had the time and freedom to pursue the solutions. If the show was still running, and I was still pushing myself to continue with it, it might have caused irreparable (or at least excruciatingly-slow-to-repair) damage.

The sheer statistical likelihood of everything that's happened, everything happening, everything that is in my life right now, is staggeringly low. Practically impossible.

And so, once again I find myself saying, I can't not believe in God. I can't not believe that my life and my purpose were by design and by a Designer.

I could dig deep into arguments about the finer points of theology all day. I could happily lose myself in Bible study--not just the literal words, but the history and cultural context for all of it. I could "academic" my Christianity to death the same way I "academic" everything else in my life to death. By that logic, some would argue, I shouldn't even be a Christian. "Walk by faith and not by sight," and what have you.

But I believe--and this tends to ruffle feathers of Christians and atheists alike--that one must walk by faith only after sight is entirely exhausted. My faith is rooted in the question of what happens when the science stops sciencing. My faith is rooted in the question of, why would humans be driven by a sense of purpose and an impulse to know the answers, unless the answers were meant to be known to us? Even if the answers change nothing, even if our sated curiosity has no practical value, we delight in it.

I think walking by sight often and inevitably leads to faith. Digging deep into science and logic brings us closer to God, not farther away.

Discovering all the things I just discovered about my brain and my body has strengthened my commitment to all the things I feel called to do. And rectifying the situation will enable me to live out those callings with more energy and effectiveness than I've ever had.

I can't conceive of a reality in which that wasn't done on purpose.

Anyway. I'm working on a list of things I'm going to do once I'm on the other side of this, and I'm planting the seeds for them right now. Maybe I'll share it later. Maybe I won't. I guess you'll just have to wait and see.

[gofancyninjaworld]

Morality pets redux

Some parts of this I've posted here before. In the light of the manga's Psychic Sisters arc, I thought it was worth putting my thoughts together. Long-ass post.

"I don’t believe our lives change completely for the better at a short notice. It’s all the small progress we make that’s important ..." -- ONE, interviewed in Yamada Reiji’s Young Sunday ep. 30.

I'm here to talk about characters changing their lives as a result of an important interaction. Part A will seem quite obvious to many, but I ask you to bear with me as it's the foundation from which to build.

A: The Moment

For a guy who doesn't believe in sudden changes, ONE sure has a lot of characters seeming to do just that. Morality pets, the characters who force other characters to look into themselves and learn to be better people, have been a staple of One-Punch Man since the beginning. They're everywhere!

To pick a few (there are many more):

Saitama had the Butt-Chinned kid. His entire destiny changed because of this child.

The seminal moment (chapter 2)

Garou has Tareo.

There's nothing he wouldn't do for this kid (chapter 91 online /93 in print)

Genos gets Tatsumaki. Somehow, this cranky, complicated little asshole whose hands are none too clean and who’d savage him nearly as happily as she does monsters is just what the doctor ordered for his personal development. No one said morality pets had to be cute or helpless!

Feisty, isn't she? Yet she's got things to teach (chapter 133 online/137 in print)

And Tatsumaki has Saitama.

chapter 182

B: Before the Moment

“Look at a stone cutter hammering away at his rock, perhaps a hundred times without as much as a crack showing in it. Yet at the hundred-and-first blow it will split in two, and I know it was not the last blow that did it, but all that had gone before.” ― Jacob August Riis (1849-1914)

So how do we address the contradiction between what ONE says he writes and what we see? By noting that every apparently Damascene conversion turns out to have roots. The reason the Morality Pets are so for the characters is that they force into focus a moral issue the characters have been struggling with and get the characters to make a decision about the issue.

Saitama

Saitama's encounter with the butt-chinned kid and Crablante was not the first time he'd thought of becoming strong enough to fight monsters. He'd been desperately hating being weak even back in middle school, and had been muscle training since.

So he decided to do something about it (extra chapter: 200 Yen)

What Crablante brought into focus was that becoming so strong that he could defeat any monster was something he wanted to 100% do, rather than something he worked on in between work. More importantly, it was something he wanted to do to be a hero. I'll revisit this in the next section.

Chapter 2

Genos

Genos confronted two important philosophical questions that have troubled him. The first is who needs help. Heroes help those who can't so the direction of travel is allegedly clear -- help flows from the strong to the weak, so the stronger you are, the less help you need/deserve/get. When he sets out to follow after Tatsumaki and help her, we see him consider that question explicitly, remembering Saitama coming through for Mumen Rider. The answer to who needs help is anybody, regardless of capability. Which is a radical change to the sense of noblesse oblige that prevails unexamined.

What is a hero for, if they're not for everyone? (chapter 143)

The second is another that's troubled him for a long long while: where the balance of destroying enemies versus protecting others lies. Genos has been as strict a utilitarian as Metal Knight is, with the difference that he's willing to lay down in front of the trolley himself if need be. The cold logic of the matter is that if there's any innocent people to kill to stop a terrible threat from killing many more people, heroes are the right people to kill. They're the people who are prepared to die for others. Genos acknowledges explicitly that killing heroes would have been something he'd do without hesitation if the outcome was that a monster as terrible as Black Sperm didn't escape.

To sacrifice a few to save many more would seem moral (chapter 150)

So what changed the calculus? Tatsumaki. By working so closely with her, she ceased to be a hero in the abstract, or even just a person. She was the person he’s flown in the teeth of one of the most terrifying monsters ever to give her space to work. She’s the person he’s plunged down a mile to summon help for, then clambered back up to guard her when she could no longer protect herself. She’s the person he’s carried in his arms, giving his back to every obstacle and blow so as to keep safe. Furthermore, he’s seen and empathises with Fubuki’s fear for her sister’s well-being and that impels him to try that much harder for Tatsumaki. And Tatsumaki is a person who really, really doesn't want to die.

But when 'heroes' ceases to be an abstract concept and becomes a small, scared woman who trusts you... (chapter 145)

Therefore, when push came to shove, the question wasn't 'are you going to kill a dozen heroes to save millions of lives?' It was: 'are you going to kill Tatsumaki? Is that your idea of justice? REALLY?' It's at that point that he gets on top of her to shield her from being stamped to death, to protect her come what may. It might not have worked out as well as it did in the end, but no matter: Genos has decided that his path to justice and strength does not lie in strategically sacrificing others.

...somehow, the 'moral' sacrifice cannot be countenanced (chapter 150)

Tatsumaki

Tatsumaki might have surprised some for not appearing to change when Genos had quite graphically showed her that others could indeed help her. Quite simply, she wasn't yet in the right place. It's worth noting that she had reached out to Fubuki to help her extract Psykos and it couldn't have gone any worse: all her worst fears appeared to be validated. The enemy was all too real, Fubuki's hangers-on had a traitor in their midst, and the ones who weren't traitorous were too weak to be of any help. And yet, when she looks around the room, is it with a sense of vindication at having all her warnings come to pass? No, it's with sadness: she's sad that it's come to this yet again.

Rarely has a person been sadder to be able to say 'I told you so' (chapter 177)

She really wants things to go differently but she can't see how. And that's how it comes to be that she's prepared to change what she does to not end up all alone again.

Surely there has to be another way (chapter 182)

C: Afterlife of The Moment

“A farmer went out to sow his seed... Some fell on rocky places, where it did not have much soil. It sprang up quickly, because the soil was shallow. But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched, and they withered because they had no root..." Matthew 13:3-6 (NIV)

No epiphany, no matter how strong, will last unless there's a way to support it. ONE has been no slouch in exploring the way in which epiphanies turn into lasting change.

Saitama

Back when Saitama was still new in his hero journey, his neighbourhood was still populated, and being thanked by people he helped was the thing that gave him the strength to persist through his travails.

What gave his struggles meaning (extra chapter 'Brushing up')

Indeed, when we first get to hear Saitama's thoughts, we find that what's getting him down (other than fights being boring) is that he can no longer see that his actions have any positive effect on the world. His neighborhood was empty -- everyone having fled for their lives -- and monsters kept coming day after day.

Once he lost people around him, he started to lose himself (chapter 5)

The reason that saving the ugly child had been so important to him comes back to him when he's looking at the bodies of the fallen heroes, slain by Cosmic Garou. He'd been so lost in the sauce of seeking personal gratification that he'd forgotten that he'd become a hero to help others. It might involve great fights, but that had never been the point. Tragically, he realised it too late. Luckily for him (and to stop the story from ending too soon), Saitama's gotten a do-over. Only he's forgotten. Oh dear.

Remembering what mattered too late (chapter 166)

Genos

In the aftermath of King (really Garou) appearing to scatter the cadres and Saitama arrive to check on him, we see Genos doubting himself. He'd already been unsure if he'd done the right thing. Maybe what he'd really done was to chicken out because he wasn't prepared to die. So he asks Saitama. Getting the answer that not throwing his life away was indeed a sign of strength, it was the validation he needed to commit to a new path. What that path will look like, ah, we just have to wait and see.

Most necessary validation. Also, geeze Genos, learn to take a compliment, will ya? (chapter 155)

Tatsumaki

While it's too early to know what will happen, the fact that Tatsumaki has a sister who loves and trusts her enough to already have a relationship with her, and who is interested in having a better realtionship with her is a good start.

It helps a lot that those two actually like each other (chapter 176)

The way we see her at the end of chapter 182, standing with the Blizzard Group, is grounds for cautious optimism that she will be able to learn a new way of relating to others. It won't be perfect or perfectly smooth sailing, but what in this story is?

This is better than sitting miserable and alone again -- let's hope it sticks! (chapter 182)

D: No Freebies

Right, let's sum up. There's a reason insurance companies jack up premiums for drivers who have been in accidents: people really suck at learning from experience. Until we decide that we are ready to learn, things that happen to us are just things that happen. Even if it's our fault. This has no relationship to IQ, unfortunately.

Many stories are fond of the life-changing moment, and in particular, the life-changing interaction with another person. What ONE has been doing is to dig into this idea a bit more (each statement is <20 words).

The life-changing interaction is something seen as important by the actor.

They find this important because something within them has them open to change and the interaction addresses it.

Life-changing moments only become life-changing with ongoing reinforcement.

I think overall that it's a more realistic way of approaching personal change than many stories do it.

And that's me. What do you think?

[atlas-of-a-human-soul]

hi, i’ve been following you for a while but this is my first time back on the app in a long long time. I just saw your post about getting sent home from surgery, I wanted to reach out to you and let you know that you are truly not alone with your frustrations with medicine right now. i have been struggling for years with so many issues such as incredibly low ferratin, my glucose levels are off, i can’t keep my platelet level high enough and because i’m so young they refuse to help me figure out if i may have an autoimmune disease. whenever i finally get to see a doctor i’m told i just need to make a lifestyle change & to go home. I have not felt like myself in years. not only that, i’ve watched my mother go through the same thing i’m going through and come home crying because she was disregarded by yet another doctor. keep fighting, you will find help. i’m so sorry for the way you have been treated & i cannot imagine your own frustration as someone who is in the field themselves. i know it seems hopeless, but i am rooting for you <3 thank you for sharing your story so that other people feel seen as well. I truly appreciate it.

Thank you so much for reaching out. I completely understand "not feeling like myself" part. I mean I've always had chronic pain and it did limit me somewhat but I was also functioning despite it. Last two years have brought me to my knees and I can't believe it but I miss the usual chronic pain and fatigue, because this, how I am right now, is not sustainable and at this point I just want my life back. Feels like all I've done is work and sleep and gain weight, because I have no energy to do anything else. I started working out again in September and lost some weight and was thinking maybe I'm getting better and in like 3 weeks I got so much worse and the last 3 months have been absolute hell.

I went into this field to help people like me. A little selfish in a way because I used everything I can learn to help myself (lot of good it did, huh), but also to be that one doctor people come to and know their voice is heard and that the person before them will do everything to help. Medical gaslighting (for women especially) is terrible, I'm sorry they're not taking you seriously. The saddest part is that it takes either a life threatening event for them to help or 10+ years before you find someone who is willing to do the necessary work and tests and help you. I've been on both sides, I hope you find someone capable before it gets bad. If the doctor won't listen, switch doctors if you financially can or badger the first one continuously until they hear what you have to say. I wish I advocated for myself more. I wish my parents advocated for me too, because I haven't been pain free since I turned 9. Don't give up either, okay? Chronic illness girlies might be a terrible name for a club but unfortunately there's a lot of us in it. Trust your intuition and your body, you know best when something isn't right. Always trust that gut feeling. Journal symptoms with dates and severity, and if you do your labs always keep the results, form your own medical history. I'm really sorry you're going through that. I wish you didn't suffer this way. No one should be put in this position.

P.S. the lifestyle change they talk about...can hold some merrit but root cause won't be fixed by simply losing some weight and fixing your diet. I've tried. The fact they barely understand the concept of "my diet isn't great because I'm too tired to cook, I'm in pain and working out makes it worse or the I'm gaining weight because of my symptoms that you refuse to acknowledge and treat". Most of us tend to gain weight because of the chronic issues that go unresolved for so long. Hearing "lose weight" pisses me off because my symptoms were there when I was skinny too, it makes no difference. Will it help somewhat? Maybe. But to blame weight and lifestyle choices and treat that as a cure-all is frankly lazy and an insult to our lived experience.

[a-d-nox]

Hello👋🏻 I would like to participate in ur latest game😊 one goal I have for 2025 is for my education to finally continue after many years of being put on hold and also just for my life in general to have action in all aspects so that I can finally start moving forward. I say that because I've been in a stuck situation for years(like my life is being frozen and paused for years due to issues that are out of my control) and my 2024 is also one of those years but I feel like change is finally coming for me and I do hope for it.

For the reading, I choose disco ball(sorry I had to type it out because I don't have that emoji in my keyboard) and my initials are am.

I alrdy explained my situation above so I hope it makes sense. I just want to know if my life will finally change and stop being so stagnant next year 2025 especially when it comes to my education(to attending a college) since I badly want to continue it and start working on it again next year. Anything u can get about this situation please and thank you.

clocking no. 14

i commend you going back to school after taking time off is hard - especially when you have other things taking up your time. i too am thinking about getting my masters or a certification of some sort but - i don't know which or for what so that's not in the cards for me this coming year i think... but i also can't imagine going back? like i have a full time job when tf would i squeeze in school?? so again willpower of iron - i envy you for your strength to go back after having time outside of the academic environment.

on to the reading...

beginning -> 1.2 - i can sense your determination from here! you are ready! the time is now and you know it. you know what you want and what you need to do to get where you are going! you are sharp - you can do this! you just have to remember to be specific - what are your goals with this educational journey? what do you need this for? also be prepared and steel yourself - it won't be easy - you have to be kind to yourself! don't give it up no matter how hard it gets?

middle -> 8.3 - you have to believe you can do it to do it. there was a brief moment in time that i almost dropped out because i didn't feel smart or like it was worth trying... but that was when i realized i want a degree no matter what - so i changed my major. don't be afraid to get creative with how you achieve the end results... it's okay to change your mind so long as you aren't doing it because you feel like you can't do something - you can! you are very capable! let it take time - or change the end result - there are infinite possibilities for what you can do!

end -> 1.6 - you have to do what is right for you - there is only one you after all! just go for what YOU want - forget everyone else. you have to want to do this for yourself without feeling the pressure from an outside for like "my whole family is in a medical field - so i am going to school to be a doctor" - but is that WHAT YOU WANT? don't be afraid to stand out and to do something out of the ordinary...

-a.d.

[sailor-cerise]

Since I don't see exhaustive examples of what types of support low support needs might entail, I've put mine below. The vast majority of my struggles are from my autism, but my physical disabilities and ADHD also contribute.

The reason I share this is to help people think more deeply about what "supports" means, and understand the different support levels.

Examples of tasks I need significant help with:

Handling any maintenance or repair tasks. I can and have done things like called a plumber, but I cry afterwards and am shaky and on edge the entire time they are on the phone or in my room/house. I have the capacity to do this a few times a year, spread far apart, which is typically much lower than the number of times I need this done. This includes car maintenance, which my partner helps me with.

Doing my taxes. I literally cry while downloading my W2 for my partner to do our taxes, and have had a panic attack because I needed to find an email receipt for tax purposes.

Paying a bill. Best case scenario it's something I can pay online, but I still cannot do more than one at a time and greatly benefit from emotional and logistical support.

Any other financial stuff: transferring money between accounts, managing investments, etc. I log into my accounts and my partner does things for me. I recently gave them access to most accounts now so they can do this without the first step and this one is scary to me but has been so so beneficial. We've been together about 15 years and they always ask permission and tell me specifics. Be careful who you trust with this if you have any choice.

House cleaning. I can do more than my severely physically disabled mother could when I was growing up, but not much. My partner also struggles here but we help each other.

Making decisions. I can decide what to eat and things related to my special interests (e.g. what book to read) for myself, but I really struggle deciding what color of sheets to get, alternatives to grocery brands when one is out of stock, how to cut my hair, which route to take while driving, which parking space to use, etc. and truly cannot do anything bigger (color to paint the kitchen, replacement water heater brand). I will completely shut down.

Examples of things I can do mostly independently (after having put in lasting supports with help from my partner and/or with significant effort). This is what makes me low support needs rather than medium: I can do these things.

Buy groceries (I order online and pickup curbside)

Make food for myself (I cannot reliably prepare food for anyone else)

Shower (I have a blue tooth speaker that I have a hard time showering without, and am able to shower 1-3 times a week)

Driving (sometimes I cannot drive due to physical issues)

Make and attend doctor's appointments (this one is mostly practice and saving up energy for it. I haven't been able to get support for this)

Take my medications (I have set up various systems that work well for me)

Renewing my prescriptions and picking them up (this is super hard and draining and I wish I had more supports for it, but it's something my partner struggles with too)

Working. I have so many accomodations here it's a separate long post. This includes work-related communication (often quite complex)

Ambulating. Sometimes I cannot walk more than a few steps. This is not from my autism.

Changing clothes. I hate doing this and would do it way less often than is appropriate if I did not have a partner that would be bothered by that

Brush my teeth. Oohhh boy this one took me most of my 33 years to sort out, and needed help from one of my best friends. Children's unsweetened toothpaste and ultra soft brushes are essential.

Flossing my teeth. Specific brand and type of floss, one in every room, and I'm actually good at it then. Really really proud of this one.

Brushing my hair. It's a whole Thing for me and I don't do it as often as I should but I can do it.

Making plans with friends or family. This is really hard and my mother helped me with it until she died and now I have some friends who are able to support me in this and I so appreciate them. My partner handles family plans mostly because most of my family is dead or lives very far away.

Speaking on the phone or in writing outside of work contexts. This is very very hard for me. I can do in person okay.

Socializing. This is very very hard for me but I do like it sometimes and have worked hard my whole life to be good at it. I tend to get along with people in a shallow manner.

Going into a crowded space. I need hearing protection (earplugs or headphones), and cannot do it for long periods. I handle it much better when I have a person with me, but hit my limit quickly.

Things I can do most days with no supports (most bADLs):

Basic in-person verbal communication, including limited quantities of small talk

Small purchases (cup of coffee, new book, etc.)

Toileting and continence

Going to bed and waking up

Remembering to eat and the act of eating

Drinking water

Get some gentle exercise of some sort, even just stretching in bed

Participate in one of my special interests. Any limitations here are usually from my physical disabilities, though I've lost this ability during autistic burnout before.

I am also fortunate to be capable of dealing well with emergencies (car accidents, injuries, de-escalation of a dangerous situation, pet emergencies, flooding), though like most people I break down if there are too many in a row. This isn't on any of the IADL lists I've seen, but I personally think it should be.

Reference:

[colorguardsweetheartblurrsgirl]

Have you guys watched The Art of Murder on Youtube??? You Need to Watch this...

Guys Go to YouTube and Watch "The Art of Murder"

It's so awesome. It's almost at 1m views (at them of writting this 957K six days after being released)

And Honestly I'm surprised no on is talking about this that I can find but I'm so calling it that Giorgio is going to be nominated a Tumblr Sexyman this year.

(I'll add a link later for the YouTube episode)

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Also for those of you wondering where I've been and why I haven't posted about STRY or any other works like UU.

I had alot of work drama going on. I hope this tart on art again soon. Actually it's thanks to work like Mid August I had this amazing idea of a outfit I just had to draw for Lenna. It was going to be a dress she wears when she goes undercover and is given to her by what I'm calling my stories "geeks" the Tech Boi's in other words.

This dress is so cool It's going to have a transformative element to it that if moving pieces of it will change the dress. (I admit I probably was influenced by my fascination since childhood with transformative pieces, reversible stuff, etc. My "Aunt" technically my Cosuin... but I called her Auntie Joanne the one who i mentioned two years ago passed ans showed the blanket was big on making me stuff that were trabsf9rmative like pillows that were jlhuge and turned into blankets (this was back in the 90s early 90s before that kind of thing that I'm aware of was really mainstream) I think she made me also reversible outfits and if you cna tell in that pic I sent the blanket was reversible too. So she may be part of the reason I had such facjnation).

Although, everytime I've sat down to write that scene something. Computer wise or electrical wise has occured so I haven't been able to write. Anyways, Coming up with this dress while driving to work one day however solved the big area of where I knew what I wanted to do with how my main character wiggles her way into this group that will lead her to other people she's looking to get to. I always knew what I wanted to do but just not how she was going to accomplish it. Or rather how too I knew had to change while remaining close to the original plan with many changes the story has gone through. But this dress ides suddenly helped me in so many ways, with giving characters I knew I needed to incorporate more in order to use them as I wished later and such.

Sorry this descriptions getting winded. But Yeah I just had so many good things occur eith the story. I've been working on it. But also work and personal matters delayed me. I won't get into it in this post. But all summer was focused on taking care of someone and later loosing them. And I also don't know how long I have with my good boy too as he's going through stuff... So working on things along with cleaning thus messy messy house that's overwhelming, taking care of my mom who caused accidentally third degree burns to herself and my dad who injured himself months ago and is only now finally seeing a doctor... it's been alot. I've been a bit overwhelmed by it all especially mostly cleaning thsu mess on my own.

If my writing seems better. I finally got a new phone. But haven't transfered everything over to it. (Having issues deleting enough on old phone to transfer stuff). So I only go on tumblr via web on this device. But yeah hopefully my writtings more readable. I haven't found though regardless of generation Samsung Galaxy in general changes my words regardless (my dad and I got the same phone it happens with him too... So I found some of that I used to complain about really as just a "safety feature" as my family calls it as a joke. Just say a built in annoying feature. But it's not as bad as the old phone which was in many ways buggy.)

Sorry this is not planned out. Just figured I'd give a update of some sort.

I do hope to post art soon. Especially planned stuff from last year. I actually brought up The Art of Murder as I might use that opening scene to make an animation animatic with a few of my main characters sometime. I really want to make some animation in general sometime. But I first need to get what they look like out there. So it may be a while.

Well thank you for reading my blabber.

I hope to see everyone again soon.

Have an Amazing day and Upcoming Thanskgiving.