#I've been thinking about it since i heard the episode but i don't fear speaking the truth anymore

[notafagipromise]

Jon's waist must be SNATCHED because of his heroic action of undergoing double rib removal

[just-some-random-blogger]

I LOVE TEN AND ONE SO MUCH YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 i know you said that you’re not yet in soft!daemon feels but what if reader already got pregnant and seeing her pregnant makes daemon so feral & just want to breed her so much…………

Mine

Daemon Targaryen x Reader

Summary: After trying to get pregnant for months, you fell into a state where all you could do is cry. It left Daemon erratic and so easily triggered. To clear both your minds, he thinks a ride on dragon back would help, but it seems even Caraxes is not in a good mood.

Word Count: 3k+

Warnings: Mentions of failed pregnancies/miscarriage, wife!reader, depressive episodes, smut (sad fucking, rough fucking, vaginal penetration, hair pulling, impregnation kink, claiming kink, cock warming ig), angst, fluff, typos, etc.

A/N: CONGRATULATIONS FOR ACTUALLY CONVINCING ME TO MAKE A P2 OF SOMETHING. a word of caution though, it's probably not exactly what you expect. btw if you're new here, this is technically a part two to Ten & One, but you don't have to read it to get this. It will help you get in the feels more probably, but you don't need to read it to understand. I'd appreciate it if you did read it though LEAVE COMMENTS AND REBLOGS I HELD BACK ON THE PRAISE KINK BUT I ASSURE YOU MINE IS VERY REAL ISTG IM GOING TO GO FERAL IF NO ONE REPLIES TO THIS

"Our home was once so warm," one of the head servants sigh to the two younger servants, "and not because of how Caraxes sometimes has fits, but because the lady of our house warmed it so," she shakes her head, "now she has done nothing but cry and my heart hurts for Lady Targaryen."

"I do hope she finds comfort soon," one younger servant adds with a frown, "my cousin said that her late lady eventually fell ill after grieving so long that she succumbed to her illness."

There was no ill-intent in their words, and yet he could not stand hearing it.

The sharp sound of a sword unsheathing promptly halts the servants.

Daemon is in front of them, coming out of the chamber they were meant to enter. He points Dark Sister at them, jaw clenching tightly at the words he heard them speak.

The three look to their master in fear as he takes a few steps closer to them, "I will not tolerate any word from any tongue about my wife."

Daemon watches them quiver under the gaze of his sword. Had he not been attentive of his wife, he would have killed them out of annoyance. Yet he doesn't, "do your task and leave at once."

The head servant nods and the servants scurry off into the room.

I was lying in bed, chest down, when I heard the telltale sound of footsteps. I peel my teary eyes open and mutter against the cushion, "Mileva?"

My childhood handmaiden turns to me and frowns, "yes, milady, I'm here. I have come to serve you your food."

My eyes begin to water again as I watch her set the food out on the table.

On theme with my other thoughts, I recall how she took care of me as a child, and then how she excitedly told me she was eager to do the same for my children. Her hair was now grey and yet I still had not even one child.

"Mileva," I whine, lips quivering as I reach my hand out to her for comfort.

Daemon walks back in, face hard and tense.

Mileva turns to me and sighs, "oh, sweet child." She walks over to me, taking my hand, kneeling by the side of my bed, "cease your sorrow. You will fall with child soon enough."

"But it's been a year since I've been wed," I sob, pulling her hand towards me, "what if something's wrong with me?"

"N-" "There's nothing wrong with you," Daemon quips before Mileva could speak the same words, albeit with more softness.

Mileva turns to Daemon who stood by the door, as if guarding it, then back to me, pressing a kiss on my knuckles, "my lady, take heart and regain your strength. I know you are going through a difficult season, but soon you will have what you so desire," she brushes my tears away with her calloused hands, "it is not uncommon to experience what you're going through. I myself grieved the same things you do when I first fell with child."

"Oh, Mileva," I weep helplessly, moving to sit up, "I had no idea, and I-"

"Enough, my girl," she hushes, grabbing both of my arms in her hands, "now please, do us all a favor and eat. I would never forgive myself if I allow you to lose yourself completely."

Daemon watches as I move to the table near our bed. Once I sit down, my husband speaks, "you may go now."

In exchange of the company of our servants, Daemon comes upon me, placing a hand on my shoulder as I dumbly look at the food I once loved.

"Your dear Mileva is right, you must regain your strength," he mutters, walking behind me, massaging both my shoulders.

"I feel I will be sick if I so much bring a spoon to my mouth."

He stills his actions then the drags the other chair close to me with a screech. "Shall you prefer I feed you then?" he asks, sitting next to me.

Daemon does nothing but look at me as I gaze off into the abyss that was a plate of food before me.

"I don't think I will ever find peace, Daemon," I mutter, mostly I think to myself, "I was with child," I start to feel tears burn in my eyes, "then I was not."

He brushes his fingers on my cheek, "The gods are to blame, not you."

I finally turn to my husband, chest heaving as salt water runs down my face uncontrollably. He frowns as he sighs, hand taking mine in comfort. I choke on more tears and fall to his side, unable to withhold the helpless yelps in my throat.

Daemon wastes no time in readjusting in his seat, expertly unclasping the holster on his waist, allowing his weapon to clatter to the ground. He then in one scoop brings me onto his lap, allowing me to nuzzle on his neck and pour my sadness onto his skin. His arms envelope around me, behind my back and over my thighs.

I bring my hands up to his cheeks, attempting to even out my breathing as I take in his familiar scent.

Once I finally felt like I wasn't suffocating, I begin to fiddle with Daemon's silver hair.

He leans against my touch. I pepper kisses on his cheeks.

For a moment, he is satisfied with this, but then decides to meet my lips with his own. His hands begin to tighten around me.

I release as sigh, pulling my hands away so I can readjust his grip o me and maneuver my legs over him. He makes no fuss when I straddle him, in fact his arms fiddle with the nightgown I did not bother to change out of from the night before.

My fingers travel to his tunic, and I begin to undo the its clasps. When my hand finally rubs the bare skin underneath his clothing, that's when he halts and pushes me off him to stop our kiss. He is finally certain of my actions.

I look at him. His eyes are closed and yet I could see his resolve dwindling. I place a peck on his lip as I grind down on him.

He groans, legs spreading beneath me. For a moment, he allows me to continue, but then his hands grab on my waist at an attempt to stop me.

I halt at just as he wants, but feel betrayal rise up my throat as I speak, "will you not even have me now, husband?"

Daemon releases a prolonged sigh, leaning his head back on the chair, lightly scratching my sides with his fingers, "with all my strength, I am not strong enough to even think of doing that."

I continue to buck my hips on him again.

His grip tightens but not in an attempt to withhold me.

"Then do not kid yourself by resisting me."

Daemon's eyes finally open with a grunt. The dizziness in his mind clears when he sees my face. He knits his brows and wipes my tears away, "my love."

I blink rapidly as I whine, "have me, Daemon, and end this mourning."

He calls my name, stilling me again with his hands.

This time, I bang on his chest in anger for trying to stop me, but then all at once, I crumble against him in a fit of tears.

Daemon kisses my cheek as he tightly pulls me against him.

We remain like this for a long while.

After being calmed by the sound of his breathing, I finally have the strength to cease my weeping. "I do want you, Daemon," I mutter against his cheek.

"I always want you, my queen," he replies, rubbing my back, "but I do not wish to take advantage of your sorrow."

I move against him again. He loosens his arms around me as I turn to him with glassy eyes, "then have me for no other reason than my own desire to have you, Daemon."

He is about to say something, but my hand on his hardened member takes the words out of his mouth. I palm his through his pants, "will you require me to beg for it on my knees?"

I pull away, hands snaking behind his nape, "I will be most eager to do so," I whisper, hips rolling atop his, "anything to take my mind off this, Daemon."

"Fuck," he hisses, hands tightening around me yet again.

This time, Daemon carries me to our bed and pushes me open underneath him. He hungrily kisses my neck and begins to rub his clothed member against my burning core.

"Take your clothes off," I whimper, urging his tunic and pants off.

In an instant, not only is he naked, but as am I.

Our lips take each other's desperately, and a satisfied moan fights between our kiss when I feel him enter me slowly. My limbs latch around him out of instinct and my fingers dig into the small of his back, urging him to move.

He whispers my name in my ear. He does so with much care that my heart quickens at it.

"I will try my best to be gentle, my love."

I whine at his sentiment, but I nibble his ear in response, "fuck gentle. Ruin me, Daemon. I don't want to walk around any time soon anyway."

Daemon begins to rut his hips into mine upon hearing this. He moves slowly at first, as if to measure the truth in my words. He then enters me at a quicker pace, exhaling deeply against my skin.

I whine his name out, "Daemon please, please, please, fuck me."

He heaves against me, "say that again."

I claw at him and whimper, "please, fuck me so hard I can't walk, Daemon." I match the movement of his hips, "make sure I have no choice but to stay in bed."

That's all it takes for him to thrust into me like a man gone mad.

The sound of skin slapping each other almost makes me unable to hear my cries.

He enjoys breaking my legs open and hammering into my heat. He enjoys it so much that he remains in this position for a while, savoring the feeling. He soon decides to move his hands up my legs and push my knees to my chest. Daemon lifts himself a bit, so he could hook my ankles by his shoulders. The more compromising position makes me stretch my hands above me and grip at the pillows for dear life.

I cry so hard that I don't hear anything else. I'm sure even if there weren't anyone near our chambers, my screams would still be heard.

"Do you like it when I take you like this, wife?" he asks, or challenges almost.

I'm too fucked up to reply and only the in sync rising and falling of my voice to his relentless slamming was what he got out of me.

He finds a more secure stance on his knees, and he latches his fingers under my knees as he drives into me like it was what was going to keep him alive.

His breathing is unbelievably controlled in comparison to my raggedy hitches.

As Daemon looks before him, his hands reach out to my core then to my belly. His mind floods with obscene images of previous couplings. He groans at the ideas flooding his head. He rubs my belly, "you will look so glorious filled up with my seed."

I whine as his hands grab my breasts.

"Maybe I should fill up all your pretty holes, hmm?" he pants, "but maybe then your body wouldn't know what to do with my seed anymore."

I release a string of curses as my hands shoot up to grip his biceps. My back arches to better feel him and mentally thank myself for it, screaming ecstasy when he knocks on me just right. He chuckles in satisfaction, "so fucking eager, my love."

In a twist of fate, he pulls out of me.

I'm too delirious to even realize it or manage to complain. All at once I'm being flipped onto my knees. I do however know exactly when he pulls on my hips and slams into me with dare I say more intent. I don't even manage to push myself on my arms as I am utterly boneless against him.

"Daemon."

His response to the sound of his name was to rub my sensitive nub with his keen fingers. His other hand yanks on the roots of my hair, "who does your cunt belong to?"

I growl, one hand coming to his that was pulling my head back. I am even more unable to push myself up. I scream his name.

"Mine," he growls, "mine," he flicks his hips.

He yanks on my hair again, "say it. Who do you belong to?"

"You," I heave, "you, you, you, you-"

"Good," he praises as I loose my mind, "I'll make sure you only ever cry over how good my cock makes you feel," he mutters breathily. And although his words are lewd, there is a certain sincerity to it.

Much like before, because I never really stopped, tears begin to drip from my eyes in a tinge of pleasure, pain, and residual sorrow.

Daemon massages my scalp with his fingers as his thrusts reach a quick and steady pace. I can almost feel him hit inner most parts of my mind and taste him on my tongue.

My head helplessly crumbles onto the cushions when he releases me so he can piston inside me at a better angle. My screams are finally muffled.

My husband seems not to appreciate it as he yanks my hair back and forces my shouts to me audible again, "let them hear me breed my you, wife, scream out who makes you feel like this."

At this point, I've left my mouth gaping too long that my throat dries up and the sounds of his name that I produce leaves a burning sensation.

I feel my stomach begin to tighten at his ministrations.

"That's right," he encourages, "chase that feeling on my cock," he says, "come around me, darling. Come on."

My hips instinctively buck against him at the sound of his encouragements.

Daemon revels in the repetition of his name. He feels like he is invincible at the praising sounds.

I inevitably quake around him as if it was the surface beneath that forced me to do so. My voice is absolutely wrecked at the cry that leaves my lips.

Daemon rubs my core again, milking my reaction for all he's got.

Once even my knees began to give in, that's when I feel Daemon's heat shoot into so sharply that my body quakes all over again. He fucks into me even after. There is so much of him that I feel him drip out of me with wet squelching sounds.

My womanhood is practically crying at this point.

"I'll do you well, wife," he announces, pace drastically slowing, "I'll fuck you good even if the gods obstruct your womb from carrying my seed."

I repeat his name over and over again.

Daemon finally stops, but he does not exit me. He rubs my butt in a soothing attempt, "let me stay like this for a while, your cunt is leaking."

I shake my head, "no please, turn me over. I want to hold you, Daemon."

He does not dare deny me this.

He quickly uses his strength and expertly has me on my back, barely pulling out as he does so.

He wraps my legs around him snugly as he eventually presses his chest against mine. I seal his torso in my arms. He sighs in content when he finds his face on the crook of my neck. He lazily kisses my skin as his his arms loop around my own body.

"I love you, Daemon," I mutter, fingers lightly grazing his skin.

"I love you," he responds, "I will continue to be a slave to your desires."

"Good," I pipe up blinking away the tears that were left in my eyes, "I don't want you to leave me today. Stay right here, like this."

Daemon kisses my neck, "I wouldn't dare move from where I lie."

A good seven days passed, and I was feeling a lot more myself.

Daemon, in all his paranoia that something would happen to me the moment he's not looking, made sure to either not leave my side, or to bring me everywhere with him. And since he really did leave me in quite a discomfort after our intense fucking, it was only now that he was able to bring me along to accomplish his errands.

In all his smugness, he offered to carry me if I still found it difficult to walk. I, of course, slapped him because of this. It obviously didn't hurt him, because I meant it not too, but he promised me he'd get even for it.

Today, we were apparently going for a ride on dragon back.

"How have you been, boy," Daemon calls in High Valyrian as we made our way to his dragon.

Caraxes whines the way he always does. I smile at the creature, sensing somehow that he had missed his rider. Daemon catches this and squeezes my hand in response.

All at once, Caraxes whines shift into a louder more desperate version, dare I say it was a form of discomfort. The unforeseen reaction makes me nervous, especially when the large creature makes his way towards me.

Daemon feels Caraxes' agitation, but he is more concern about mine, which is why he releases my hand and raises it up to the dragon. He promptly scolds the beast in a long string of High Valyrian I wouldn't have been able to understand even if I wanted to.

Caraxes screeches, seemingly determined to go to me.

I decide to walk back slowly, although I do this out of concern more than fear. Perhaps he wanted his rider all to himself. I agree with my mental thought, since deep down, I knew Caraxes would not turn to me will ill-intent.

One of the keepers, I find, is suddenly ghosting a hand over my arm. I gasp at the unexpected touch and furrow my brows at his words that I do not understand.

Daemon's gaze rips away from his dragon over to the keeper, "what did you say?"

The keeper turns from me to my husband, hand pulling away so he could motion to the restless Caraxes.

Daemon's face contorts at whatever it was that he was told. My concern now drifts from the dragon to his rider, "Daemon? What is it?"

He turns away from me, back to Caraxes, hushing him, "I understand now, boy."

I look at Daemon as he offers me his hand without turning away from his mount. I wordlessly take his hand in mine. Daemon pulls me slowly in front of him, hands going to my sides.

Caraxes stands on his legs upon seeing me, letting out a powerful roar.

I reel back, pressing against my husband's chest, "Daemon, I-"

"It's alright," he mutters against my ear.

Daemon looks up to his dragon then screams some sort of accusation.

Caraxes lands back on his claws, huffing out so deeply that there is a strong gust of air that nearly blows me away. Had it not been for Daemon behind me, perhaps I would have fallen on my ass.

Suddenly, I hear Daemon shudder. His hand travel to my belly. He takes one step forward, moving in front of me and calls my name out in praise before kneeling before me.

I look down at him in concern, almost not noticing how Caraxes brings his snout close to me.

I am distracted by the dragon head that I almost don't hear Daemon say, "you're with child."

My hand darts up to Caraxes and my eyes widen as I turn back down to my husband.

He kisses my skirt, but I shake my head in disbelief, "don't mess with me, Daemon."

Daemon looks up at me then stands. He hushes me as he takes my face in his hands, "Caraxes can sense it," he presses a kiss on my forehead, "the gods have finally bended to my will."

Tears begin to glaze my eyes. "Daemon," I grip his wrist and look up at him, "I'm so happy, but what if-"

"Shhh," he pulls me against him, "I will not have you speak ill of this glorious discovery."

I begin to weep, and it seems Caraxes does not enjoy it for he huffs helplessly upon hearing it.

"I will be here, my love," he mutters, "I will do all I can to make sure nothing harms you or our child."

Caraxes makes a sound that seems to be of agreement.

[i-guess-im-into-this-now]

The Apothecary Diaries

S1E11 First Watch

Here's where I watch The Apothecary Diaries for the first time and give my thoughts, analysis, predictions, and occasionally I stumble into a joke.

To start at the beginning:

Episode 1

My character/location cheat sheet

Lady Ah-Duo - Pure Consort, one of 4 top concubines

Garnet Pavilion - Lady Ah-Duo's residence

Fengming - Head LIW at Garnet Pavilion

Lady Lishu - child bride concubine

Jade Pavilion - Lady Gyokuyou's residence

Luomen - Maomao's physician father

No cryptic opening! Maomao is in a garden, examining a flower, and maybe this is one of those plants that she mentioned last episode. One of the medicinal plants that suspiciously grew both in the palace and in Luomen's own garden. Is she thinking of the secrets that her father has kept from her? Or how the machinations of the palace affected him?

Maomao goes to deliver a letter from Lady Gyokuyou to Lady Ah-Duo, but runs into Fengming, and I'm guessing that's why she is actually here. Maomao opens a box and shows her something that makes Fengming nervous. Maomao has figured out what has been going on in this pavilion and she's either here to confirm something or to offer her own form of justice.

If that's the case then I'm scared that she's doing this on her own. Aren't we still assuming that someone here tried to murder Lady Lishu? And wasn't the servant girl that worked here killed? Isn't it dangerous to confront these folk all on her own? Does she know something that I don't (she does), about these mysteries that makes her feel safe walking in alone?

The people of Garnet Pavilion have their luggage packed and are vacating because Lady Ah-Duo is about to be replaced.

Maomao confronts Fengming with what she has surmised. Lady Ah-Duo had her baby at the same time as the former empress and was unable to receive medical help during delivery. Something went catastrophically wrong if Maomao is correct, and Lady Ah-Duo lost the ability to bear children. Since Lady Ah-Duo was so injured after birth, Fengming cared for the newborn. Fengming made a critical mistake when she fed the infant honey and azalea (Oh that's the flower she was examining in the opening). The death was attributed as being due to the same poisonous powder that killed another newborn recently, but Luomen was blamed, labelled incompetent and expelled from the palace. Later Fengming learned that she was responsible when she heard Lady Lishu's story, but kept the truth hidden, and tried to keep distance between Lady Ah-Duo and Lady Lishu, who had developed a bond. Fengming tried to eliminate Lady Lishu by poisoning her soup.

Fengming denies none of it and simply asks:

What may I ask do you want?

Justice asshole!

But really, what is Maomao trying to achieve here? She isn't trying to blackmail Fengming. If she really wanted to do something about this, couldn't she just tell Jinshi and let him handle this? What does Maomao gain by going directly to Fengming with this? It seems dangerous.... is she trying to see if Fengming would kill someone for discovering this secret? Trying to see if this is what happened to the servant girl who was killed?

Fengming feels incredible guilt over what happened to the baby. She witnessed Lady Ah-Duo's grief. And devoted herself completely to her concubine.

Maomao: I can't relate. I don't have it in my heart to let anyone that close to my own.

Girl, we noticed. But that is Maomao's character arc! I've talked before about her fear of vulnerability, I just didn't know she was aware of it.

I've been thinking about Maomao a lot (obv, I'm writing blogs on every episode), and something has been slowly becoming more and more apparent. She doesn't think very highly of herself.

Oh sure she's assertive in how she acts with others, but that's only because she typically only speaks on topics she is certain on. She consistently declines to talk about gossip, and routinely resist talking about conjectures. Jinshi is sometimes an exception. Maomao knows what she knows about medicine and draws a line where her expertise ends. So when she speaks, she speaks with confidence and we get the impression she is a confident person.

But I don't think that's the whole story. I think she views herself in how she can help others. She only is valuable because she can serve others. If she couldn't do that, then what good is she? And even as an apothecary she doesn't take pride. She believes she's subpar, because she compares herself to her father.

I don't think she sees herself as inherently worthwhile.

We hear it quietly in off hand comments sometimes, like when she was talking about Lady Lihua having a large chest and she says that she herself isn't blessed that way.

We see it in big ways like self harm and suicidal ideation.

We see it a whole lot in how she relates to Jinshi.

Maomao: Please, I'm of lowly birth. It's not right for you to touch me. [Episode 6]

She really thinks she isn't worth his attention.

So she's going to need to learn to love herself for more than what she can provide to others before she can accept that others love her too.

But she does better when she's surrounded by people who truly love and appreciate her, like the ladies of the Jade Pavilion. And Jinshi too. On his good days, he's a great influence on her. I like the ways he makes her comfortable enough to share her thoughts, supports her, and appreciates her. He's giving her some desperately needed validation. And what is love if not feeling seen and valued? Our girl will get there eventually.

Maomao: Once he hears my story, Master Jinshi will surely apprehend Fengming. There's no way she wouldn't be executed. The woman is smart, and surely she already knows this.

Then Maomao offers to take her two motives and make them into one. I wonder what she's doing. Lady Ah-Duo watches Maomao walk away, turns out she wasn't out of the pavilion as Fengming had claimed after all. I wonder if she heard all of that.

Maomao is exhausted from the stress of all the emotions she's been navigating all day, and the weight of the choice she has to make next. Turns out she was prepared in case Fengming had tried to stab her. She really walked in to a situation where she thought she could have died. And for what? What did she achieve today?

My guess is that she needed to confirm her theories before she brought them to Jinshi, because the stakes were too high for her to be wrong. If Maomao's theory had a flaw in it, and Fengming was executed because of it... well Maomao couldn't risk that. So she walked in there, knowing she could be attacked or killed, to get the truth. Holy shit Maomao.

Jinshi is also tired. Fengming handed herself in. I'm sure he's happy to get to the bottom of this case but it's yet another thing for him to deal with. And maybe he hoped that there was some other explanation that wouldn't require him to execute Fengming.

Jinshi asks if Maomao knew about it, she denies it. I'm sure he already knew she was involved before he asked and I'm sure she knows that he knows. So this little exchange is just a testing of the waters. With Jinshi saying are you ready to open up to me yet? And Maomao saying nope. The whole conversation Jinshi's keeps pushing, keeps giving her opportunities to tell him the truth. He never gives up on her. But she has locked every door he tries open.

We find out that Lady Ah-Duo was already scheduled to leave the palace to go to an imperial villa. Jinshi thinks Fengming's motive is odd.

Oh Hongniang came by earlier and brought some flowers? I'm sure it was just a meaningless gift for the palace manager and not an excuse to spend time with Gaoshun.

Maomao starts sucking on a flower so Jinshi does too. Then she tells him it's poisonous. Just because Maomao eats something doesn't mean it's safe! Which is actually hilarious, because she is a food taster.

Maomao explains that she convinced Fengming to say the baby's death and the attempt to poison Lady Lishu were due to the same cause, which was trying to secure Lady Ah-Duo's position as a favored concubine. I don't quite get how that motive explains the baby's death, but I'm just going to roll with it.

Jinshi goes to Lady Ah-Duo to talk about Fengming. He's going to have to execute her, but she was a well respected companion to Lady Ah-Duo. I think it is kind that he is taking time to have this difficult conversation with Lady Ah-Duo. Jinshi never shies away from a situation because it's hard, and I think that's admirable.

But also, this is SO his mom! I know I said that about the dowager empress, and I was dead wrong. In my defense, the empress also has the same coloring as these two. But, Lady Ah-Duo, she even wears her hair up in the same style. And there was a whole scene in an earlier episode about how Jinshi wouldn't spend time in a concubine's room alone with them, but here he is, perfectly comfortable doing just that. She's his mother, and he knows that, and probably other people know that too, since he's not afraid of getting busted. I'm dying to see how Jinshi relates to the emperor and empress.

Maomao is feeling guilty. She's done the right thing, but someone was executed because Maomao got involved and she's struggling to accept that. She climbs up on the wall. This is the same place that Lady Ah-Duo's lady fell to her death to drown in the moat. This wall which represents the boundary between the cage of the palace and death in the moat. I don't think it's a coincidence that Maomao is here. Is Fengming's execution justice for the girl who died?

Lady Ah-Duo meets Maomao up there. She probably has a lot o her mind since her head lady in waiting was just executed for killing her child, and attempting to kill Lady Lishu whom she has a fond relationship with. Plus she's leaving the palace tomorrow. Perhaps she wanted to come up to the wall one last time before she leaves forever.

Lady Ah-Duo tells us she never wanted to be a concubine and questions why she clung to it for so long. Her relationship with the emperor was that of a friend rather than a concubine. Maomao thinks that Lady Ah-Duo would be saying the same thing to anyone whom she may have come upon on the wall this night. I disagree. I think Lady Ah-Duo is a lot more aware of who Maomao is then she is letting on. I think she overheard the conversation between Fengming and Maomao the day of the confrontation. So Lady Ah-Duo has Maomao to thank for uncovering the truth about a couple of things. But also. Since I'm assuming Lady Ah-Duo is Jinshi's mother, there is also the possibility that she knows a whole lot more about Maomao, having heard it all from Jinshi himself.

I see. Lady Ah-Duo is up her for the same reason as Maomao, which is to remember the servant girl who died. Turns out even a servant girl's life mattered to someone in the palace. She didn't just disappear without a care. I wonder if Maomao will take this to heart, if it might help to ease the black mood we saw from her a couple of episodes ago.

But her death was a suicide. She killed herself this way so as to keep suspicion from Lady Ah-Duo. Perhaps Fengming even helped her. Lady Ah-Duo knew how the girl died. She calls her a "fool" but cries and says "we all are." This entire story arc demonstrates the desperate choices people make under pressure, and what they are willing to sacrifice.

The servant girl's suicide is the most prominent example of acting out of desperation, but every character in this arc has their own version of this. Fengming in what she has done to cover up the truth of Lady Ah-Duo's baby's death. Lady Ah-Duo with her clinging on to her position in the palace. Maomao in her need to figure out what happened to the servant girl. Even Jinshi in his desire to connect with Maomao.

Maomao is coming down the wall when she is startled by Jinshi. She falls, into his lap. And... is Jinshi... drunk? She tries to get up, but he hugs her.

Oh Jinshi. If we needed another example of desperation here it is. Tears fall as he asks Maomao for warmth, just for a little while.

Jinshi has been unraveling for awhile now (See previous posts). He's lonely, overworked, and overwhelmed. And now he is overcome with emotions. Plus, he's just had to execute someone today. And his mom is leaving. Yet another loss from his ever shrinking circle of support. It's been a rough time for our dude.

I don't know what was happening with him and Lady Ah-Duo, I'm guessing they were drinking about how shitty the day was or maybe saying goodbye since she's about to leave. I wonder why Lady Ah-Duo wanted to get him so drunk, and then left him in her room to wait for her. When she returns, she tells him she's satisfied now. What does that mean? Oh! Is she saying she approves of Maomao?! Then she threw him out. Maybe, so that he could have a serendipitous encounter with his sweetheart? Is Lady Ah-Duo on team JinMao? I am choosing to believe yes!

In any case he's drunk and his will to keep holding back his emotions from Maomao has bottomed out. This one person with whom he feels some kind of connection with just fell into his arms, and no, he's not letting her go right now.

So, he squeezes her tighter and she settles in, willing to tolerate this breach this time. Allowing him to touch her is a line she tried not to cross, but she's not willing to enforce her boundary this time. Her boundaries are there because she's afraid she's unworthy, and she's afraid that getting involved with Jinshi could lead to trouble, and she's afraid to be vulnerable. Those boundaries aren't there because she doesn't care. In fact, it's because she cares, that she breaks her them down tonight. To deny him in this moment would be cruel. And she's not willing to hurt him, even if it means she has to be a bit vulnerable herself. Her boundaries were never meant to hurt other people. They were there to protect herself. If the choice is between protecting someone else and risking herself she will choose to endanger herself every time, she's consistently self-sacrificing.

It's a major step forward for both of them, and I'm extremely interested to see if the boundaries will go back up the next time they meet or if this wall that just came down can't be re-erected.

Also, props to Jinshi for asking for exactly what he needs. Maomao is terrified of being vulnerable, but Jinshi is fearless. They are both such fascinating characters.

Lady Ah-Duo gives back her crown to symbolize her official retreat from the palace. Maomao is seeing Jinshi and Lady Ah-Duo side by side and it hits her that they are mother and son. And boy doesn't that have a lot of ramifications.

Maomao surmises that Lady Ah-Duo's baby was switched with the empress's child. Perhaps Lady Ah Duo did it to ensure her child would be safe. Turns out that was a justified fear since the baby in her care did die. Maomao thinks that someone may have found out about the switch after the baby was dead and held Luomen accountable for not noticing the switch. It also explains the odd position of the emperor's brother. And why Lady Ah Duo stayed around the palace so long despite not wanting to be a concubine. And Jinshi must know too because he stayed around drinking with her.

Maomao: What complete nonsense. I'm disappointed for even thinking of it.

Same, Maomao. Same. It's exactly how I feel about all of my theories, and this blog in general. But unlike me, Maomao is rarely wrong, so I'm counting this as proof!

Lady Lishu is crushed that the only maternal figure in her life is leaving, but it does look like her food taster may be be on her side now.

Maomao walks away from the scene, which is closing out so many of the mysteries that were unsolved. And I can't help but notice that there are clouds gathering on the horizon. Foreshadowing.

I don't know what the last scene between Gaoshun and Jinshi means. But the storm has arrived, so I know this is a turning point.

Gaoshun: Fengming's kin, and those connected.

Jinshi: *sigh* She told me she was kidnapped and sold off, but...

What does it mean that Maomao's name is among those of Fengming's family and associates? I only have one theory and I don't like it. My theory is that the emperor had a relationship with Fengming and that Maomao is the bastard child of that relationship. Hidden and removed from the palace for... reasons. But I don't believe that theory myself, if the emperor hid that, then it wouldn't be coming up now. I'm returning to my theory that "the annex" will hold the answer to who Maomao's parents are. And now that I think about it, why would Jinshi mention the kidnappers here? Are the kidnappers part of Fengming's family? What will happen to Maomao because of this? Is she to be punished? How will Jinshi handle that?!

What I really need are more scenes with the emperor so I can get a sense of that person. So much of this story revolves around him (harem story duh), yet he's not actually around all that often. I'm so intrigued to know how he and Jinshi relate to one another. Let me into that emperor's head already!

At least now we don't have to pretend we don't know Jinshi is a prince. We don't know for sure who is father is. I'm going to guess he's not the current emperor's child otherwise his position in the palace would be as a future heir, and not the ambiguous position he holds now. As it is, he's being presented as the emperor's younger brother, which considering the emperor has no legitimate heirs, I think that would make him the crown prince. At least in name, if not in blood.

And Maomao may think her theory is wild, but now that she's thought it, I wonder how it will affect how she behaves around Jinshi. If she thought he was too far above her as a eunuch official, what will she think now that she suspects him of being the crown prince? Also, surely she'll realize now that he is not indeed at eunuch. The empire would not castrate their prince. Will that realization impact Maomao?

I can tell we are at a turning point in the story. Early storylines have been all resolved, and the characters have completed their first arcs. We're ready to move into the next challenges. Frankly I'm super excited.

To start at the beginning of these blogs:

Chapter 1

Next Chapter

Chapter 12

[kendrixtermina]

Giving Doctor Who a New Chance, Part 2: Wild Blue Yonder

While the idea of Donna not being able to restrain herself from making a pun is great, I kinda don't like the cheap pun in the prologue, its just making everything too light & silly

It just doesn't work if you know the historic Newton was pretty cranky, not cheerful & like other things about him that could've been better used, also this ignores the whole latin roots of the word gravity

i dunno was the show always this un-serious and it's just a while since I've seen it? like there was some silly-ass shit but not in this immersion-breaking manner

I do appreciate Donna's concern for the poor, poor TARDIS

haha they're snapping right back into doing the investigation routine

I think with "I say things like that now" the Doctor means he's more open & honest but Donna of course took it as meaning that he also likes dudes.

David Tennant can still communicate a whole lot with his expressions

It's a nice scene of them panicking together but still comforting each other in their panic

and of course Donna wants to speak to the manager

hm, liking this one so far. it has a couple of mysteries & nice creepy ambiance

it's a nice parallel in the differently lit room, Donna wondering what will happen to her family & the Doctor wondering what will happen to the TARDIS, this low-level fear of the world going on without them - the Doctor saying how much he likes Wilfred & lamenting that the TARDIS is all he's got left etc. It's an eerie little dialogue I like it.

The shapeshifters are having an "AI can't draw hands" problem. Worry not, humans too struggle to draw hands. In this we are alike

I wonder if they are repeating stuff or talking to ach other. Is it two entitites or just one?

It was bound to happen and just ignoring it would be wonky in its own way but just having some of Chibnall's decisions mentioned reminds me of how he was SUCh. a BAD. WRITER like making big destruction happen without weight or stakes. With the past writers when something major went poof you "heard" it the next few seasons, but Chibnall torched the whole backstory, Galligrey AND a big chunk of the universe without any real narrative weight

Like it just happened and there wasn't really - like, the characters didn't react to it, it wasn't given meaning. It's not just that he made changes I disagreed with but that the execution was So! Bad!

Still, I have often been fond of saying "there are no shitty ideas, only shitty executions" or " a competent writer can make any idea work" - so, like, no matter how shitty the idea, a better execution can salvage something. in this short time RTD managed to make this character express some actual feelings & attach a personal meaning to the event- so the backstory reveal means Gallifrey "got complicated", the widespread destruction of the flux is another thing to feel guilty of... see, see? It isn't so hard! Character! Having! Emotions! I don't envy RTD for having to try his best to salvage this mess while being respectful /professional/ non-petty.

The average 15 year old fanfiction writer is a better writer than Chibnall! Ok. enough ranting now.

I like these quiet episodes that just let the characters marinate in their feelings a bit in a closed loop environment. another thing I've messed: atmosphere! the bland, nondescript settings for so long

The Doctor's response here is probably a mix of caring alot about Donna specifocally & just general done-ness

I like the creepy atmo of this thing & the concept of the creatures not quite understanding how existing works & gradually figuring it out

Pouring one out for the long-dead spaceship captain

it was an interesting twist how the actual Donna couldn't actually make sense of the information from the metacrisis, but still gets a sense that a lot of heavy stuff has happened from the way he's asking. I think he kinda wish she knew so he could get a hug from somebody who knows.

that was a good one, overall, pretty creepy.

They're really going with this idea of the world being in constant wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey flux, hm... like it was always there as a sort of excuse but they're kinda making it a more explicit part of things.

I love how the Doctor & Wilfred are SO glad to see each other & it rly calls back that bond they had at what, for the Doctor, was a pretty difficult time. I got feelsy.

OK that was a good one. I always like the creepy, abstract ones.

And of COURSE the earth has been hit by some misfortune while they were away. OF COURSE.

[expecto-kedavra]

The Healer pt. 3

note: Sorry this took so long. Some stuff went down in my life and I needed a minute. We back though!

Tbh this guy is kinda a filler episode. I still wanted to get it out there. Something is coming though! 👀

Pt. 1

Pt. 2

Pt. 4

Several weeks passed before Sebastian told us he wanted to find Anne. One night after class, he sat on his bed staring at his hands. "I apologize for taking so long. I'm afraid that even after she's cured, she'll still leave me." He had a point. Healing Anne's curse does not bring back Solomon. I didn't know how to respond, but luckily Ominis did. "She may not ever forgive you. We knew that before. All we can do is take heart that she isn't in pain, and in time she can heal her heart." He nodded silently. It had been several months since we visited Anne in Romania. While she missed her brother dearly, she was still hurt by his actions, and steadfast in her decision to distance herself from him. I decided to speak up. "Whatever happens next, we must face this together." We all looked at each other, the familiar words ringing in our ears and hearts as we fell asleep.

I was coming back from Quidditch practice with Imelda when Ominis ran up to me. "She responded." he said, out of breath. "Who?" Imelda asked, nosily. "Uhhhh, a girl- that i asked out- on a date?" he stammered. We had decided to keep our plans secret, as we didn't want the wrong person to find out. "Funny. What does Anne have to say?" Imelda said, laughing. "I...don't know what you mean." Ominis replied, doing his best to be stoic. "Oh, come on." Imelda laughed, eyes rolling. "All of a sudden your blindness is healed, and now you run up saying that you received an owl from a 'she', and who is a she that all three of us know is in need of healing?" I looked at Ominis. "I've got nothing." I confessed, defeated. Ominis sighed. "Not here. Come on." Imelda followed us, happy that she her nosiness paid off.

"So yeah, that's it." Imelda sat on the couch, eyes wide but not seeming all too shocked. We brought her to the Room of Requirement, as it was the most private place we knew, and told her everything. "Wow. Well, what did she say?" she asked, intrigued. I couldn't say I wasn't thinking the same thing. Ominis opened the letter, and read it. I was nervous. What if she had grown bitter? What if she didn't want the help? As my mind was filled with more and more possible negative reactions, I was relieved when he smiled. "She'll meet us. She's suspicious but she's willing." He looked up at me. "She wants to meet tonight." I was so excited, I picked up Imelda and spun her around. Had I been waiting a year to do that? Maybe. "Well then!" Imelda said as she brushed herself off, pretending to hide her blush. "When do we leave?" Ominis and I looked at each other. "What, you think I'm not coming? Anne was my friend too!" Imelda was stubborn, bossy and occasionally snotty, but she was also loyal, caring and deathly loyal to those she cared about. I could tell she was hurt by the fact that we would leave her behind. "It's only right. We told you everything, you deserve to come." I told her. She beamed. "Yes, I do." We planned on meeting at the fountain by the stairs in the Slytherin common room after curfew. As Imelda bounced out of the Room and I turned to leave, Ominis stopped me. "What should we tell Sebastian?" The dreaded question. I turned to face him. "He should know, but I hesitate if he wants to come with us." It was a hard question. I wanted him to come. Anne was his sister, and so much happened because of this damned curse. But I knew that she may disapparate as soon as she saw him. "You're right. He deserves to come, but should she be bitter, it could end quite poorly." I heard the pain in his voice. His two oldest friends, I knew he wanted her back more than ever. But he knew what Sebastian had done.

We found Sebastian as he was leaving the Great Hall, and told him of the plan, and confessed our fears of him accompanying us. "After all this time. I would like to come, but I shall keep my distance." he said firmly. I saw Ominis release the tension from his neck and shoulders. "Good idea. You should be there, but it's best we gauge the situation before we bring you into the conversation." He clearly wanted him there, maybe for his own sake. "All right then." I took over. "We're meeting Imelda after curfew. Then, we go to Anne." Sebastian stopped, confused. "Imelda?" he asked. Shit. We forgot that part. As Ominis and I tried to find the words, he shrugged. "Alright. She's cool." and walked off. Ominis and I shared a look of relief, and the three of us continued on with the day as best we could.

The day was agonizingly slow. I could barely pay attention. I was deep in thought when Professor Sharp's gruff voice bounced me back to Potions. "Well, MC? Where might I find a bezoar?" he said impatiently. We hadn't yet slipped him any miracle tears, and he was as sour as ever. "Oh, uh, from the stomach of a goat." Luckily, I was smart and adaptable. "Hm. Very well. Points to Slytherin." he grumbled as he made his way back to his desk. "I expect 14 inches of parchment on my desk by next Tuesday, detailing all major antidotes for poisons. Class dismissed." I decided that along with my report, I'd include a new antidote for him. I smiled to myself as I thought of his reaction. Eventually, sunset came, and the four of us gathered by the door, staying out of sight of the prefects sitting on the couch. "Ready?" Sebastian asked. I heard his fear. "Absolutely." Ominis said confidently. I knew he shared the same fears, but he was being strong for Sebastian. "Ready as can be." Imelda said happily. She was clearly glad to be included. "MC?" Sebastian asked me. I took a deep breath. "I'm ready. Let's do this." I ensured I had the potion in my bag, and we set off.

Anne's letter told us that she had been staying in London. Luckily, we had all recently passed our Apparition test. Since I used to live in London, I provided us with a photo as well as a detailed description of our destination. We arrived all in one piece, no splinching, even down to the fingernails. "Quite drab from the lovely scenery of the castle, isn't it?" Sebastian said as we looked out over the gray landscape of the city. Our destination was the top of the library my parents would take me to in my youth. After the time away, it was quite the change from the rolling hills and greenery of the Highlands. "Yes, I hadn't realized the world could be so...plain." Ominis said glumly. "Anyways, where to?" Imelda asked. "Anne said to meet her just outside the city, near some woods." Ominis said "It's not too far and we should be able to make it before-" But he didn't finish. In the blink of an eye, someone apparated behind Sebastian, grabbed him, and disappeared. We all ripped out our wands, but what could we do? "What just happened? Who the hell was that?" Imelda said, whipping around frantically, looking for our friend. "I don't know, I didn't recognize them." I could sense the desperation in Ominis' voice. A deep anger filled my chest. "I did." I said darkly. "Who was it?" Imelda begged.

"Ruth Singer."

[skygodtraumabond]

<A video file is attached! Let me provide a transcript!>

<The video opens in a hotel room. It seems to be the one that Team S.C.A.M are currently occupying—evident by Elodie's toolbox on the desk and Marny's ever-present whiteboard of scam ideas. Choice selections from the whiteboard include: "fuck it maybe I WILL go to Johto", "bath bombs????", "haunted house but in July because I'm quirky", "nevermind fuck Johto actually", and "Spanx".

In frame are Ray, Amy, Marny, Juno, and Elodie. Ray and Amy are both talking to Marny, Juno is laying on the bed scrolling through Chatwitter (and presumably starting fights on it), and Elodie is tinkering with something at the desk. Marny seems upset, her arms folded and her eyes wandering as she speaks.

Marny: ... Okay, I get why you're going back to Hoenn, Strawberry, Gotta make sure the science gets scienced, yadda yadda—but Ray? Since when do you ever stay still for this long? It was a bitch getting you to stick around long enough for us to finish up scam ideas back in the day. What, are you becoming a homely old coot at the ripe old age of 37?

Ray looks away, scratching at the Venomoth patch on their chest. They don't seem to know what to do with their other hand, and it hangs rigid and close to their body.

Ray: It's not that. I... Really do want to travel, actually. I've been kind of restless about staying in Hoenn for so long, and—

Marny: Then why don't you come with us again? I mean, we just met again, and it already feels like you're pushing me away again or something. I mean, you've basically been attached to your new boyfriend by the hip since before we even saw each other again—

Amy: Sorry, what did you just call me—

Marny: —and meanwhile I just keep getting left to deal with my shit alone! What gives, Ray?

Ray stays quiet for a moment, collecting their thoughts. It's hard to tell from their blank expression what they're thinking, but their body language—the constant fidgeting with their hands, the slight sideways turn to their head, the occasional shuffling of their feet—all speaks to a deep sense of nervousness. However, as they think, something seems to occur to them, and they freeze for a moment. Then, they take a breath and relax, their hands falling loose by their sides.

Ray: ... Marny, I never said I wouldn't ever come with you. Just... Not right now. You saw what happened back in Slateport. I need a minute to go back and stabilize myself, maybe get rid of this shadow stuff before I go out travelling again. It's a blessing from the skies that nothing happened here...

They step a little closer to Marny, seeming to transfer some of that nervous energy to her. The facade of the strong saleswoman cracks a little more, and that indignant pout and glare begin to melt away.

Ray: I just don't want to hurt you. I don't trust myself not to do that how I am now.

Marny: ... Who says you will? I mean, we have Juno and Elodie here too. I know I can't do the battling thing very well, but—

Ray: I didn't need to attack you in order to hurt you that night. I could see the fear in your eyes... I... I heard that the reverse and hyper mode episodes get more intense the closer you get to purification. I don't know if that applies to people. It's hard to find resources out there for people affected by this. But if it is... I just got you back. I don't want to scare you away again.

The two old friends stare at each other for a few seconds. Ray clearly needs a moment to breathe after spilling their guts like that, the negative emotions nearly overtaking them as their hands begin to shake. Marny finally allows herself to soften up, sighing as she grabs Ray's hand and gives it a gentle squeeze.

Marny: Hey, big guy, it's alright... Don't stress yourself. I didn't mean to make it seem like you wanted to be away forever, I just... I miss having you around, y'know? Even if you are a massive pain in my ass.

She chuckles and goes to ruffle Ray's hair. Ray, however, completely misreads the outstretched arm and leans completely into Marny, earning a startled gasp from her as their arm wraps around her back. Her face can be seen slowly going red as Ray rests their chin on her head.

Ray: I promise, as soon as I'm feeling better, I'll be right back by your side... You lost your chance to get rid of me back at Mt. Chimney. I'm your problem forever now.

Despite the monotone, they still chuckle quietly at their own joke, making Marny roll her eyes and finally put her frozen hand down on Ray's head.

Marny: Wow, look at you, the legend of comedy over here. Please, all I need to do to get rid of you is sneeze at a bird the wrong way.

Ray: You never apologized to Chatot.

Marny: Bird. Anyways... I'm holding you to that promise, big guy. Just don't forget about me, okay?

Ray hums quietly as Marny strokes their hair, a smile forming on their once-blank face as they shut their eyes.

Ray: Wouldn't dream of it.

The video then abruptly ends.

<This transcript was provided by me, Techie! I'm a Rotom, so I might make mistakes! Let me know if I did a good job! :> >

[kiss-my-freckle]

Love how Damon was able to trust Elena when Caroline was talking about her and Stefan in 5x20 while Stefan thinks Elena is secretly with Damon in 2x09. Elena had more grounds to distrust Stefan over Katherine in 2x05 since Stefan cheated on her the episode before and dare I say he emotionally cheated at the start of their relationship in season 1 considering he was smiling and talking affectionately about Katherine in 1x05 and 1x06. But he gaslight her in 2x05 like he did in 1x11 over Katherine. Why cheat on Elena in 2x04 and not tell her but act like she's dramatic when he said Elena's the woman he loved on the subject of Katherine in 1x11? Elena should've told Stefan how many ways are there for you to rip my heart out. I find it gross how in 1x08 and 2x07 Stefan tried to be with Elena again and both times she had to tell him to stay away from her and when she blamed only herself for what happened after Stefan came into her life Stefan embraces her without challenging her guilt and weaponizes her trauma so he can fuck her again. Damon challegimg Elena's survivor's guilt until she made the choice of wanting to live in 4x06 was one of the reasons why I preferred them.

You mean, their drinking game scene after Enzo's death? ahaha omg... Damon knows, which makes him wonder how much Caroline had to drink. Even Elena questions Caroline about it. They parallel Stefan with Alaric because Damon isn't really the jealous kind. He's given real reason to fear, like a sire bond or a doppelganger curse. The sire bond because of his previous compelled relationships with Caroline and Andie, and the doppelganger curse because he's a fatalist. He believes the doppelganger curse so much that he has to hear it from Markos' own mouth, but the whole Tessa-Markos difference is the difference between assuming and knowing, why it's important for Stefan and Elena to know Damon rather than assume things about him. Why the sire bond had to be broken rather than Damon sire Elena to stay away from him. Silas and Amara weren't shadow selves, and their love was real. It's better to have the facts, and that's me speaking facts.

Your ask is the very reason I debate fans regarding Stelena's fake arguments. They're not fake in their entirety. I'm quite certain Damon wouldn't outwardly admit to Stefan that he tried to kiss Elena and snapped Jeremy's neck in response, and admit this to Stefan at a time when he's trying to keep the peace between them. Elena is in her Damon-hating mode at that time, so Stefan is all he has. Stefan doesn't stop lying about Katherine until Elena confronts him in 4x7. "You don't have to love me like this." Stefan can whine all he wants about how many ways Elena rips his heart out, but he was the first to rip out hers... and he did it over and over again. Exactly what did he think she felt when he threatened her on the bridge? Or when he told her Jeremy's life wasn't his problem after Klaus quite literally tried to get him killed? She spent the entire summer without a word from Stefan, and she only heard from him on her birthday because HE needed HER.

"You are not Katherine. You are the opposite of everything that she was." I consider this comment a lie by omission. I felt this the very first time I watched 1x9... in Stefan's own words and hateful tone. "27 vampires, Damon. They were vampires." A hateful tone he uses in 2x20. "As a vampire! She'll come back a vampire!" Again in 4x1. "Either let yourself die or be a vampire." In his desperation in 1x14. "Damon, all night long, every single street in town, I've been searching. What if your blood hasn't passed out of her system?" I can even feel it in 1x13, in the very fact that he's willing to hand Damon the grimoire just to keep her human. Stefan can claim what he wants, but Elena knows and feels his truth in season 4, and it's every bit what Damon has dealt with... Stefan's need to fix him. From pushing his animal diet on Damon to taking his daylight ring and confining him to the shed, and repeat… taking his daylight ring and confining him to the cellar because to Stefan, vampires are broken humans. The only difference between the shed and the cellar is Elena. That's why Damon is confined until he behaves in 1994, and in the cellar... about to desiccate for 50 years. There's no fixing Damon or Elena, there's only making them feel human, and Damon makes Elena feel human in loving her all the same. Something Stefan couldn't do.

Damon pushes Elena to not only understand, but to accept, and he often uses humor to do it because for some people, the most painful things are best dealt with through humor lest they cry. I love Damon in season 4. He gets Elena to truly fight for her life, which is listed as a "pro" on my sire bond pro-con list. From becoming a vampire to her starving to near desiccation to the hunter's curse putting her back on the bridge... he pushes her to the max, then pulls her back because there's always another way. As Klaus says to Caroline, "And I could let you die, if that's what you want. If you really believe your existence has no meaning." Stefan had her fight for all but two episodes in season 2, then she reverted back to Elijah's plan to sacrifice herself, and she reverted before she even knew about the elixir. I'm like... damn. Stefan's response to Damon regarding this sacrifice, I'm like... wow. Fitting for Stefan to actually watch her die, since he was so willing to let her die in both season 2 and season 3. Damon is her drowning and her vampirism, her death and her life, her problem and her solution. That's why he's the reason she starves and the reason she feeds on blood bags. The reason she's on the bridge and the reason Stefan sends him to save her. "Cause either way, you cannot breathe" They're written according to her 3x19 soundtrack.

[violetsystems]

#personal

I've been enjoying a long bout of complete sobriety since late May. Breaking out of any routine can be a bit behaviorally jarring. But I don't really know that anyone noticed the change because I keep to myself. I'm sure the dispensary misses the chance to set up revolutionary actions behind my back. But for the most part, dealing with the personal pizza of the political around my own home is psychedelic enough for me these days. With Bastille Day in full swing, I got to thinking this morning about Derrida and consequentially the remake of the outer limits. The writing in that show is perplexing enough to wake up to the subtitles in the middle of the night. But one particularly episode where a poltergeist is loose in someone's home is questioned by the male friend. "Have you heard of Occam's Razor?" You'd swear he was about to mansplain Roko's Basilisk. But it's something I've needed to hear lately. Basically that the simplest of theories is the most logical in a realm of competing conspiracies. Derrida explains this in the concept of ghosts as simple being a symptom of the future. Whereas the nostalgia of the past movements, holidays, and systems tend to be firmly rooted there. Sventlana Boym describes this pretty well in a book called The Future of Nostalgia in which she describes the hyper reality going on around people during the collapse of the Soviet Union. Ghosts to me have spoken louder than the drama around me. One quote more than many by Gil Scott Heron echoed by the late DJ Rashad building off the revolution not being televised. Nobody ever sees the revolution in your mind. And this speaks to me as the future in terms of Derrida. How the individual freedom of the mind and soul is somehow lost upon the order of the past. The future is always chaotic. Always in flux. Some Scientologists come up with complex science fiction mythologies to root it back in the past with timelines and infinite versions of the self. Some Hindus and Buddhists describe the ego death and the inescapable binding of karma. Neo Marxists tie themselves to a book by a bearded guy who wrote about labor before the internet. Jesus, ironically, outside the tenets of religion is the ultimate ghost and was punished quite famously for it.

My point is not to berate the freedom of belief and religion but simply talk about the fear of a future tied to individuals. What I took freedom in America to be was the right to personal liberties, life and pursuit of happiness as protected by the constitution itself. Which seems to have been infinity stoned out of relevance by money, greed, and lawyers. Speaking on Rashad who I shared a tangential group relationship with post humorously in a Chicago footwork crew called teak dj's? Rashad was a community organizer. He was a movement maker. He was effortless and tireless in pushing forward a sound that would take him all around the world with the help of a movement that was rooted in the decaying paradigm of MK Ultra EDM festival culture. Something that grew like a cancer from the drug scenes of the Rainbow gathering and Grateful Dead. When he had a falling out with this, he dropped out of the music scene for a spell and created a renegade crew with Traxman which was a combination of Ghetto Technicians and Ghetto DJ's (pardon the proper spelling.) It really was just him and Traxman continuing another movement called "gutter" in which people just went in the studio in one take and made music. Just like the blues, white people came around and commodified something that was simply an individual expression. And thus like Kurt Kobain, Lil Peep, Van Gogh and many other individual tours de force they were stapled back in the ridigity of the broader movement as martyrs. Enshrined for all eternity as a voice that either rattled the chains on the walls of EDM or inside the minds of those still deconstructing what he was trying to say rhythmically personally. It's a tempting thing to want to be a part of something. To have clear rules, validation and order to what you do. But you will always ultimately feel failed by the middling out of a group and their broader agenda. Sort of like how Adam Curtis describes the failure of the occupy movements. The passion was so fierce at first but descended into nothing but an organizational chart and discourse battle of what was acceptable. Labor has this same feeling lately. A constant argument on enshrining the moment into history and burying it altogether. Accepting yourself as an artist, a writer, or even just a human being outside of the norms of society is hard enough. Especially when everything seems to adopt the army mentality of beating your individuality out of you to make you work as a cohesive unit.

Emotionally speaking, Anarchy is a haunting in and of itself. One that maybe I sought out ordering within by the ritual of psychedelics like thc. It dulled my dreams to the point where I never had any nightmares. Never any lucidity. Never had any visions other than these four walls that I banged around in. Individualism is a haunted state in and of itself. People are always trying to exorcise this spirit out of you for the greater good. Demonizing what doesn't fit in or can be easily pigeonholed into a movement. These movements are no more than folders for people on Tumblr. A way to organize the chaos of the future. To box it in instead of embracing the chaos within the self. I'm not saying it isn't torture to suffer alone. To be your own person and worship in your own way. To not have an organization to be affiliated with economically so you can incur income in a normal way. Everything is locked out to the individual in American society and demonized as selfish and narcissistic in a masked class war. I shouldn't be able to write here even though I do not get paid or tipped for any of it. While Andrew Tate is out there making twenty k from a billionaire who bought a platform to bury his affiliation with a sex trafficker. What makes me so free of sin? The ghost of Jesus Christ I guess? I'm not part of a church but I was raised Christian for what it is worth. Jesus to me was the ultimate anarchist. More so than the guy who tacked the blog post on the Catholic church's door for the record. You always have these people who ask you on the street the question whether you have accepted this guy as your personal lord and savior. And in the haunted sort of way you should be able to say yes and go about your day. But in America like every other movement, relationship and association there are things expected of you. And this is not personal freedom. It isn't respect. It's the constant confrontation of a graveyard. People want to reduce you to a monument that they can add to their collection rather than a ghost who walks free saying hi to forever. There is somehow something sinful about being free. No man is free from sin they say. And yet the paradox of Jesus as a ghost is pretty simple if you believe that sort of thing. I'm not here to lecture anybody out there about the past or even their personal beliefs on religion. I'm trying to live in the future and haunted by it consistently. The only holiday I'm celebrating is canceling my adobe subscription. I'm the same person I was with less baggage and this includes people speaking for my mind without giving me a voice. I've always said what I feel here. And I've always spoken it with love. Now you should ask the group if you are allowed to do the same. <3 Tim

[melchron]

Nightmare Time 2 Episode 2 Thoughts

Can I just say that I love the 8-bit versions of songs. Jane's A Car sounds so good in 8-bit

Woah woah woah wait. What was that? Why was Homeless Guy in the intro? Is that important? Does that mean anything? I mean Ted was in the episode but still

EMMA!!!! I missed her so much. And she's living her dream good for her

And she sounded super southern just now. Ma'am you live in Michigan

AND ZIGGS!!!! Oh I love them. Please be my friend

Oh we're meeting Grace now? She's not what I expected. And I don't mean because she's played by Angela. I didn't expect her to actually be a nerdy prude I thought Alice was just being mean

Potte Hottay!!!!!!

DADDY?!??! IS THAT THE DADDY WE'VE HEARD ABOUT!??!?! IS HE GONNA GET US- oh nevermind mind he's dead. At least we got another Dylan Dad™️ out of it

OH Bob is saying the the thing!!! The thing the guy that tried to kill Willabella/Hannah said. The "The innocent must suffer" thing

TIG OL BITTIES!! I really hope someone recreates their painting

Emma had a dog quick right that down right that down

OMG Emma and Ziggs were about to go turned into tree people

"You have a fixation with fecal matter and I have had it up to here with you!" I'm sorry W H A T

I knew this would happen. Nick and Matt "Look at the cute Paulkins wedding this is definitely all the episode is" Lang. Of course we can't trust the synopsis. Of course the nighthawks are telepathic now

Ezekiel and the rest of the birds are terrifying

Please let Ziggy go to the bathroom. Did they make Emma poop outside too?! Going to the bathroom will not take that long I promise

Please let them get food they don't want your vomit. Ziggs is vegan they can't even eat that. Ezekiel is really stupid. If you would let them live their lives normally then you would have no reason to fear them getting help. They were going to continue growing weed anyway and I don't believe you need that much

AND you're making them sleep in the barn. Their growing the weed FOR YOU!! They were fine to continue doing so. What are you treating them like this for

"And let this man take our weed?! Issac, never speak to me again." ok so Ezekiel is growing on me

The other nighthawks should unionize

Reason #1852 I relate so much to Emma. Of course she's had her final words picked out since high school. I've been thinking about what mine would be for the past few years. I have a few ideas

I love Emma and Ziggy's dynamic. They are buddies. I'm so glad Emma has a friend it's what she deserves

Just when you think Emma might actually get her happy ending, she gets arrested. Why can't she be happy

That video was definitely made by the the Smoke Club teens what is even happening

OH this video. This is so sexy. Corey and Bryce sound amazing and this song is great. Rip Curt and Kim campers

THE MAYOR!?! I didn't think we would ever meet him. Hello

Their names are Mary and Noah I can't

HCB NED PETER SPANKOFFSKI <3333

Grace sweetie you did not need to tell everyone. I appreciate you trying to help but you could have at least asked Steph if she had a plan

Jerry and Jeri I love you!! And their song is so good. This camp has their own record company omg. Them ripping their shirts to reveal the same shirt underneath asdfghjkl

Oh they horny

Are you trying to kill him?!? He told you his blood sugar was low let him have his chocolate. I hate you Corey counselor. Die

That was on a school test?!? How many people did that go through without anyone seeing anything wrong

Steph and Pete are really cute omg. Peter is not at all what I expected. Like he is nerdy but he definitely is Ted's brother. He horny. But also he's not obnoxious like I thought he would be. He's so sweet and chill. He's cool and I like him. Nick did so good

Oh no Gabe is gross I thought he was chill. I wonder if he was only protesting with Grace just to get her to bang him

The lumber-axe puppet looks so cool!!! I love the eye

Grace only showers in a bathing suit? Gabe I don't think you would have wanted to do her

I LOVE that Peter is canonically jacked. This dude is not at all what I expected

Woah woah guys the other campers have to use the showers don't be gross

Noooooooooo not Noah and Mary!!! They were so young!! So pure!! The lumber-axe has no mercy

Of course Ted got put in solidarity confinement. And of course he snuck a p/rn magazine in there. It's cute that Pete found it an felt his brother was with him

Angela's screams!!

He's getting defeated by a p/rn magazine I seriously can't. Thank you Ted?

They let Jon go feral again yay!! I love it when this happens. Jerry is insane and I love it

Woah plot twist Little Jerri (that's how I choose to believe its spelled. A combo of their spellings)

I feel so bad for Jeri. She didn't deserve any of this

Um so is Grace camp director now? Also is she the new lumber-axe? Good for her I think

COREY YOU CAN'T JUST SAY BILL IS IN LOVE WITH TED AND BE ON YOUR WAY WHAT

[lucianalight]

I was wondering how honest Loki was in that conversation with Mobius at the end of the episode. He definitely doesn't like hurting people (applause for this quote. Now, no one will be able to say that Loki is a sadist and psychopath). However, these words about trick and illusion. I feel a lie here. It's true that Loki has masks. However, this is a mask of self-confidence, not of harming weaker beings. Especially since he used the same words for TVA earlier.

I say he is pretty honest about what he says and believes. That moment meant to show who Loki really is, and how he thinks when he lets all his masks fall, when lets go of projection and misdirections and lets his vulnerability shows.

I liked that all through his interrogation with Mobius he couldn't watch the scenes from Avengers. I liked that they explicitly showed his reaction and he also said it twice, emphasized that he doesn't enjoy hurting people. Obviously we've known this since the beginning. But it was a nice confirmation against the people who say Loki is a sadist and a psychopath and missed his tears and the horror on his face when he watched the destruction of NY and rejected Thor's offer to join him, because he thought he didn't have a choice while The Other was in his head. But also this fact about him, is apparent in other moments of his story. In the way he protects Jane, even in the way he fights enemies. He is fast and swift and doesn't inflict unnecessary pain.

However, these words about trick and illusion. I feel a lie here. It's true that Loki has masks. However, this is a mask of self-confidence, not of harming weaker beings. Especially since he used the same words for TVA earlier.

Yes and No. There isn’t a lie, but also his masks aren’t about hurting people. Let me explain what I think Loki meant.

Loki: "I don't enjoy hurting people. I don't enjoy it. I do it because I have to, because I've had to. Because it's part of the illusion. It's the cruel elaborate trick conjured by the weak to inspire fear."

Mobius: "A desperate play to control."

From out-universe POV let's hope that the narrative doesn't mean that Loki's been going around, hurting people and inspiring fear so he can feel in control(although from what MW has said I'm not really optimistic that this wasn't their goal).

Let's analyze how it makes sense from in-universe POV. During the interrogation, Mobius was mostly focusing on Avengers' events to show that how Loki hurts people. And what Loki says here mostly makes sense if we consider what's been going around in that movie. Because we don’t see this behavior from him in other movies.

In Avengers, Loki has a role to play, a villain, a conqueror. But he is also not in control of his situation. He doesn't realize it, but his mind was influenced by the mind stone to magnify his negative feelings about Thor and Earth. He is also under duress, because he is being threatened by Thanos and The Other. In that situation he is desperate for control. So he tries to feel in control by inspiring fear, but also through all those scenes you see that Loki uses projection in talking to humans. His talk to Fury, the people who he made kneel and Natasha are all a reflection of his own emotions about himself and how he feels about his situation. He speaks to Fury about freedom being a lie, as he never really felt free, specially now under the threat of Thanos. His speech in Stuttgart can be a repeat of what he was heard about himself during torture by Thanos. They’re eerily similar to the way Ebony Maw talks with Thanos and about his goal. And we know Ebony Maw could magically torture Loki too. His talk with Natasha can be interpreted in many ways. So Loki uses projection in his speech as a defense mechanism(but maybe projection is not exactly the right word because as we know Loki is aware of what he is doing and how the things he says applies to him as well).

Loki also knows that his attempt at control, the mask he chose for himself in Avengers, a confident and powerful conqueror is an illusion. We see how his confrontation with The Other unsettles him, how what Coulson says about him lacking conviction anger him, and how the destruction of NY horrifies him.

Illusion for Loki is not only a magical weapon, it’s what he’s been using literally and metaphorically to protect himself. As he makes false images to trick his enemies to attack them instead of him, he uses projection and masks so no one knows his vulnerabilities. Sometimes he even uses illusion instead of those masks, like when he hid himself and the state of his cell under an illusion after Frigga’s death. Loki knows better than anyone that the illusions he use are lies.

So when during interrogation Mobius pressures Loki to be honest, Loki answers with another projection, which is also true about why he acted that way in Avengers.

“I know what this place is. It’s an illusion. It’s a cruel elaborate trick conjured by the weak to inspire fear. A desperate attempt to control. Now, you all parade about as if you’re the divine arbiters of power in the universe.”

And in the end, when his masks are gone, when he is talking honestly, he shows that what he meant was not just about TVA but also about himself.

[ephemeralgalaxies]

Loki Ep4 Spoilers below (once more bc I just can't help myself, can I?)

It's been a while since I've had a character as interesting as Mobius to analyze and I have no chill. Spoilers start below:

Also some spoilers for WandaVision but it's been months so hopefully y'all have seen it

TL;DR Mobius really trying to connect back with Loki in order to try and bring the TVA down (and also bc "oops, Loki was right, guess I gotta own up to that bitterness") and it works but it hurts so much. Also see: I can't stop watching this scene over and over trying to understand Mobius' subtle actions bc his reaction here is so different than in all other scenes where he's usually calm or trying to delve deep into Loki's mind for information. Now he's just desperate.

Ok so I know I made a post talking about Mobius' jealousy in that interrogation scene but I also want to touch on when he comes back again after seeing the footage from C-20's interrogation scene bc man is so desperate here and I'm crying

(I'm sorry, I can't get gifs to work for me today so we just using images. But I got these from this post)

Mobius was so hurt last time we saw him, Loki being thrown back into the time cell with Lady Sif, hitting our dear agent with "out of all the liars in this place... you are the biggest... for the [lies] you tell yourself." Mobius has been pushing down all these doubts, hiding all his questions and curiosities of the TVA for a while. He's teased Ravonna, but could never really get anywhere. Then after speaking with Loki about Sylvie, about "you're all variants", Hunter B-15's suspicions, the oddness of C-20's "death" (M:"she was just fine before." R:"well, then she suddenly wasn't fine."). Mobius is finally allowing himself to realize things, to question truly what is going on. (R: "Is that what you wanted to hear?" M: "Yeah, if that's the truth." R: "You've been around Lokis too long.")

In this scene, when he comes back to the time cell for Loki, he's frustrated, he's angry, he's desperate. Everything is a lie. He can't pretend anymore. Loki has bonded with Sylvie (actually caring for another human being without the trauma of Thor: The Dark World and Thor: Ragnarok) ((I'm begging you, pls let him see a variant of Thor in this series and get to bond again, I miss them)). C-20 is likely pruned and gone forever with no answers. B-15 is getting anxious and unfocused. Ravonna is snapping at him and manipulating him with those long speeches (please, Mobius has heard enough from Loki's videos to know when he's being manipulated by fake sentimental words). He's tired, no longer patient enough for all the little quips-- he just need answers. For once in his "life" at the TVA, he just wants the truth. Something to safely hold to.

He's just put Loki through this timeloop of Lady Sif, of someone from home someone that could've been close to him under different circumstances, someone his brother cared about, kicking him/slapping him/ berating him with "you deserve to be alone, and you always will be." Loki's whole "Sacred Timeline Life" marks him to "always be alone", to finally get close to people before being torn away (whether in his own volition or by someone/something else). But with Loki caring for Sylvie, maybe even loving her, this changes everything for this Loki. He could finally care enough to save someone, to go out of his way in order to help others at his own cost. And Mobius knows this.

He asks again, desperate, pleading, hoping. Loki has to believe in himself, has to love himself enough to think to believe that he deserves a family, love, security from his greatest fear. He has to have changed because if not, then he'll either get pruned or wind up just like Mobius. Either way, gone from existence-- life erased, precious memories of "what if", "what once was", obliterated. He has to believe, or it'll happen again and again and again. To everyone, to the whole universe, unless something someone could do the impossible and shatter all reality.

With Wanda (specifically in WandaVision, final episode end credits), with her searching for her children and Vision, attempting the impossible and blending her realities in order to give them life because she needs them, she loves them. (M: "If you really care about [Sylvie]..."). This threat to the Sacred Timeline, pushing closer and closer to the MCU Multiverse, because they have to, because they want to.

(sorry again for bland picture, I love his expression in this gif but it wont load)

Mobius knows Loki is hurting-- from Lady Sif, from his past, from failing to protect Sylvie on his own, from Mobius not believing him and calling him "just a bad friend". He knows Loki could learn to believe, but he doesn't yet. Only Frigga ever told him she believed in him, he needs to hear it again. He needs to know he deserves love because he is loved. Mobius does, "believe, stupidly" (ep2) that Loki has this potential.

When I first saw this scene in the trailers, I was nervous it would be in the context of Mobius trying to get Loki on the TVA's side, "someone good". But here, this is so much better-- he knows the TVA is lying, is manipulating, is destroying lives. (L: "No one bad is every truly bad, and no one good is ever truly good" ep2 again lol). Loki knows he's not "truly good", that he's hurt people-- whether he planned to or not. But he can still be good. He can still choose to love, to care, to believe.

He can be what he's always wanted, what Frigga promised him, what he's always feared. He can be known, be loved, be safe-- Loki doesn't just fear being alone, he fears people choosing to leave him. That's why the memory of Lady Sif instead of Thor reaching for him on the Rainbow Bridge or Thanos threatening the Asgardian refugees or even Odin trying to explain why he "saved" Loki when he fought Loki's homeland. This memory was casual, simple, unnecessary. But it's always the smallest moments that truly impact us the most-- the slight changes.

When Mobius says this to Loki, he freezes-- he's confused, hesitant, scared. No one tells him this, why is someone telling him this, how can I believe this?

And then:

.And the little shrug Mobius gives here

It's so casual, so simple, so nonchalant. He just wants to reassure Loki that he still cares. He just spent a whole interrogation hounding on Loki for finding love with Sylvie, for changing with her (jealous boi be jealous), for lying to him and betraying him (M: "You don't do partners... unless ofc it benefits you and you intend to betray them at some point"). But now, now he's stopped lying to himself. He knows he cares, that Loki has a chance, that they have to burn this place down. Mobius wants stop this from ever happening again, from someone ever having to go through what Loki's gone through, being told they can never be loved because that's just how the Timeline goes. That a kid would be taken away from their family (probably because Sylvie presents feminine?? Idk, feel like MCU Odin wouldn't be so good with that). He has to reassure Loki, he wants to, because no one should ever feel that way again.

(and frick I really hate this, please look at the gifs from the linked post above, u gotta see his precious smile grow)

LOOK AT THIS SMILE, LOOK AT HIM HE'S HAPPY. And it was such a small, subtle apology from Mobius but it made all the difference bc he told Loki that he believes in him. And then they walk back out of the time cell, side-by-side, looking at each other. Content, safe, prepared to face the world together. He's no longer alone.

... And then ofc this happens...

*cue my heart shattering* (bless Hiddleston's acting).

The fact that you can even hear the hitch in Mobius' breath as he realizes this is the end of the line for him, that Ravonna knows and there's no going back--he's not making it out of this.

"One last desperate trick from the desperate trickster."

He talks about the jetski, about what his life might have been, he knows this hits Loki, being ripped from your timeline, losing all that potential. More importantly, it gives Loki a reason to fight. A silent, "Don't let this happen again. Don't let them get away with this. Please, remember me, don't let me disappear." But it doesn't work, because the one thing Mobius didn't account for, is that Loki cares about him. That now, the fight drains out of him. They pruned Mobius, ofc they'll get to Loki and Sylvie. They didn't even hesitate. Loki just lost, once again, the only other person who ever told him they believed in him. "You can be whoever, whatever..." "She told me I could do anything..."

Loki is less of a narcissist and more of a person desperate to fill that hole inside-- he's been neglected, cast aside, told he should want this and then never getting it. A "Glorious Purpose" to always hide in the shadows, to cause suffering, to give others a reason to unite against him. But for once, just once he hoped that he didn't have to do it alone-- that he could unite. And then they crushed those beautiful few seconds of hope like it was just another tedious, burdening purpose of the TVA.

(credits of images/gifs to the original posts linked, none were mine as I can't figure this out at all lol)

[ambivalent-anarchy]

Star Wars 101 (Ch. 2) Episode IV - A New Hope

Masterlist

Gender: Female

Pairing: Peter Parker x reader

Wow, I didn't realize how much I'd written until I hit the tumblr limit. Hope you like it! Comment your thoughts!

Chapter Summary: Steve just wants to do his job, the avengers are the best wingmen, Scott doesn't like porn, and [y/n] thinks all nerds are freaky

~~~

sci-fi boi: okay which cartoon rivalry was better?? Popeye the sailor man and Bluto or Tom and Jerry?

crackhead [y/n]: dude.

crackhead [y/n]: how is that even a question??? Obviously Tom and Jerry lol

sci-fi boi: explanation pls

crackhead [y/n]: popeye and bluto were always fighting over that girl olive and some other stupid crap but with my two furry buddies it was no talk pete no discussions just murder attempts ON SIGHT. Tell me they don't go harder than any other rivalry

sci-fi boi: haha truuuu

~~~

"Are we boring you, Queens?"

Peter's head snapped up quickly, discreetly turning his phone off underneath the meeting table. "Um-huh? No no no, Mr. Rogers I'm listening. Sorry."

Steve shook his head and continued to speak as he pointed to the pictures on the screen at the end of the room. All of the Avengers of Earth were there, some half asleep, while the others either joked or listened intently.

In two short days, they were going to be taking back powerful tech that Martin Li(aka: Mr. Negative)'s "demons" had stolen from Stark Industries. A simple "get in and get out".

They'd known this plan for some days now, yet Steve insisted on calling meetings to go over it again and again.

Feeling a quick vibration go off in his hand, Peter instinctively looked back down at his phone to see a snapchat text notification from you.

~~~

crackhead [y/n]: According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible🐝...

~~~

Peter shook his head slightly as he chuckled, a smile shamelessly creeping onto his face.

~~~

sci-fi boi: did you really just quote the bee movie at me???😂😂

~~~

"Hey spidey-boy, would you mind sharing to the class what's so hilarious?" Rhodey's voice rang out loud and clear from across the table.

Quick as lightning, Peter turned his phone off and buried it in between his thighs, realizing that he hadn't been as quiet as he'd thought. To his luck, everyone’s eyes were trained on him now.

“It's n-nothing!” Peter squeaked, his voice breaking embarassingly. He shoved his phone into his pocket in fear of someone snatching it from him.

Natasha rolled her eyes and smirked. "So what're you looking at down there?"

"I-i, uh, I was just um, w-watching a funny- very funny video actually-"

"C'mon guys!," Sam laughed, clapping his hands together. "Don't tease the kid. We all know what he was smiling at down there!"

At that, Peter practically choked. "WHAT?!"

Tony snickered. "Personally, I don't think two inches is something to be proud of, but alright."

Peter's eyes widen, nearly falling out of his skull by the looks of it. "I-it's not two inches a-and I wasn't looking at-!"

"Jesus christ, guys..." Bruce sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "He was obviously just doing something on his phone. Leave the poor guy alone."

Peter coughed as he saw Steve glare at him with that infamous 'Im Captain America and Im judging you' glare. Phones weren't allowed in the meeting room. Well, they weren't supposed to be. No one ever really followed that rule except Peter. But he'd already been so deep in his conversation with you that he just couldn't put his phone down. "No no, um, I wasn't.. I was just zoning out, y'know, and I just happened to be looking-"

"-at your phone?," Steve cut in to ask.

"-at your dick," Rhodey stated at the same time.

"-at porn," Tony said with an all-knowing smile, causing everyone at the table to turn towards either him or Peter, whose face was beet red with embarrassment.

"Peter please tell us you weren't watching porn," Scott begged, his jaw completely dropped. "I mean, no judgment but-"

"Full judgement, actually," Clint corrected, an extremely disturbed look on his face. "Seriously, what were you doing, kid? You gotta tell us now with all these assumptions being thrown around."

"Curious," Thor stated, leaning back in his chair. "What is porn?"

"Something that I definitely WAS NOT watching!," Peter responded as he practically slammed his face into the table and slapped his hands over his eyes. "Does it even matter what I was doing anyway?," he mumbled into the table.

Natasha raised an eyebrow, blowing the smoke off of her coffee. "People usually aren't this defensive when they're telling the truth, Peter."

Peter shrunk into his seat with a loud groan. Can I die. Can I please just die. Like why am I seriously even alive right now??? Some bad guy please just burst through the door and maim me please.

"F.R.I.D.A.Y. pull up Parker's phone," Tony commanded once the commotion in the room died down.

Peter quickly lifted his head. "Wait, what?!"

"Accessing Peter Parker's mobile device, sir," F.R.I.D.A.Y. responded. "Would you like for me to transfer the screen to the meeting board?"

Tony looked back with a laugh to see a frozen, slack-jawed Peter. He turned back around. "Yeah sure, F.R.I.D.A.Y., what the heck let's have fun."

"No wait- are you seriously hacking into my phone right now?!"

"Well why're you so tense, Parker?," Sam asked teasingly. "Thought you had nothing to hide?"

"I-i don't!," he stammered. "I-it's just..." he trailed off, looking for the right words to say. "..that's my private property," he said lamely while staring at the wall.

Tony stared back at him. "Well that's the dumbest excuse I've ever heard." He pointed towards the board. "Alright it's coming up."

Scott closed his eyes. "Oh God, please don't be porn.."

Peter rolled his eyes. Everyone else looked to the large board, fully expecting to see either porn or just some stupid game the boy had been playing.

But none of them expected him to be texting a girl.

~~~

crackhead [y/n]: hey u still there?

~~~

"Who's crackhead [Y/N]?," Natasha asked.

Scott turned to Rhodes who was sitting on the side of him. "Is that some trashy porn star?," he whispered.

"Why're you asking me like I know?"

"It's this girl from school.." Peter answered, blushing profusely.

"And you like her," Natasha noted, watching his body language intently.

The boy's eyes widened. "N-no I don't!"

"Why crackhead though?," Rhodey asked, crinkling his nose.

Peter shrugged. "That's what she wanted her name to be," here responded. "Thought it was funny."

Steve rolled his eyes. "Just like you thought 'sci-fi boi' was funny?" Shaking his head, he changed focused. "Guys, are we gonna get back to work or not?"

"Not," Tony answered as he scrolled up all the way to the beginning of the messages from early that morning. "So, you've been texting this girl today off and on since..." He checked the time. "Five in the morning?"

Clint chuckled. "Oh yeah, huge crush."

“No!” Peter protested, his voice an octave too high. Realizing that it isn’t working, he decided to try a different technique. Clearing his throat, he tried to sound and act as nonchalant as possible. “She’s just a friend from school.”

"She's first on your best friends list, even over that computer kid you practically live with. And you and her practically snap each other nonstop."

Peter scratched his nose. "W-well that's only cuz Ned doesn't like to text much."

Bruce took his glasses off and sighed, realizing there was no way this meeting was getting back on topic. "Look Pete," he said. "Friends don't do that. I've seen it all before. If you and this girl are talking on a daily basis all throughout the day starting at five in the morning?" He titled his head in a suggestive way, though Peter stared back at him blankly.

"What?," Peter asked.

"Oh my God, kid," Bruce sighed.

Tony held his head back and laughed. "It means either she likes you and your just too dense, you like her but won't admit it and she's just concerningly nice, or you both like each other and just won't make your moves!"

Sam, who hadn't lifted his eyes from the board the entire time, spoke up. "And judging by these texts, you already got her, it's just not official yet."

Tony kept scrolling. "You two went to winter formal together?"

"Yeah... but as friends," Peter said with a shrug.

Steve cleared his throat loudly, gaining the attention of everyone in the room at once. He looked at Peter who was doing everything here could not to look him in the eye. "Look, as much as I would love to talk about Peter's sad love life, we have a mission-"

"-that will still be there tomorrow, Cap," Bucky finished for him. "C'mon we've been going over this stuff for hours. Let us have this distraction."

Everyone looked to him, Tony feigning a puppy dog expression. Crossing his arms, he left the room. "Fine, but when someone gets hurt because they didn't know where they were supposed to go, don't blame me."

"...literally no one's ever blaming you, man," Sam said.

Suddenly, the screen lit up and F.R.I.D.A.Y. spoke. "Sir, Peter Parker has a new message."

Everyone looked to the board. "Oh my gosh, oh my gosh. Scroll down, Mr. Stark. Scroll down!," Peter yelled frantically. "What's she saying?"

Natasha smirked. "And you're sure you don't like her, Peter?"

His face flushed. "Okay fine...I might have a tiny crush-"

"I'm sorry I can't hear you," Tony cut in. "Can you say that agai-"

"-I SAID YEAH I REALLY LIKE THIS GIRL!," Peter finally yelled with his eyes squeezed shut. He kept them closed for about twenty seconds afterwards, afraid of the judging faces he would see if he opened them.

He carefully opened his eyes to see all of the avengers (minus Cap) staring back at him with stupid smiles and smirks on their faces.

"Well, that's all I needed to hear," Tony said. He clapped his hands together. "Okay everybody, first order of business, checking the text. Sam, you're our reader."

"Got it."

"What?," Peter yelled, reaching for his phone. Tony dodged him and gave it to Sam. "Mr. Stark, I can text a girl on my own. I don't need help."

"Nat, you're our timer. Make sure none of the responses take longer than a minute. We don't want the girl to get bored and go on to something else."

"Check."

"Mr. Stark, c'mon-"

"Sam, you explain stuff to lightning head over here if he doesn't understand it. This could be learning moment for ole Shakespeare. Thor, you listen to Sam."

"Right."

"On it."

"Everyone else, you're with me. We gotta find the perfect thing to say to this girl. I've got a feeling this is probably the only chance he's gonna have to get a girl in a long time."

Rhodes, Scott, Clint, Bruce, and Wanda looked to each other and nodded.

"And Pete?"

Peter raised his head. "Yes sir?"

"You know this girl more than anybody here does, so you tell us if what we say is appropriate for her or not."

Peter rolled his eyes and nodded. After all, what's the worst that can happen?

Tony pointed to Sam. "Okay, read it."

~~~

crackhead [y/n]: u going to flash's party on saturday??

~~~

"She wants to know if the kid's going to some party Saturday."

Tony turned to the boy. "You're going," her demanded.

Flash was the most popular douchebag in school. Totally rich and totally rude and totally determined to use his every breath to spite Peter. "I wasn't even invited," Peter mumbled, shooting a glare towards Sam when he heard him laughing.

"Well get invited," Tony ordered. "A party is the perfect place to make a move. Send yes."

~~~

sci-fi boi: yes

~~~

"Mr. Stark, how am I supposed to get into this party? Flash hates me! And if I crash it and Flash sees me, he's gonna make sure everyone thinks I'm a loser!"

Tony rolled his eyes and sighed. "Peter we're trying to help you here. Figure that part out on your own."

Peter sighed, leaning forward in his chair. The last thing he wanted was another assignment, even if it wasn't actually an assignment. On the plus side, he'd get to see you, and maybe have some fun if he actually tried to enjoy himself.

~~~

crackhead [y/n]: cool so i guess ill go too

~~~

Rhodey chuckled while shaking his head. "Kid, if you don't ask this chick out the second you see her again, I'm gonna bodyslam you."

Peter frowned. "What do you mean?"

Bruce smiled. "Whether or not she went to the party was depending on if you were going," he pointed out.

"This girl used to be like that with me back in college," Scott said with a shrug. "Thought she liked me. Turned out she just had social anxiety..."

"Yeah you're really not helping this, bugman," Tony said.

"Wait, you guys think [Y/N] actually likes me back?," Peter asked, getting groans and laughs in return.

"Where have you been the last few minutes?," Natasha said.

"We've literally been saying that this entire time," Sam deadpanned.

Peter stared at his feet below the table. If the team was right, and you did actually like him back, then the movie marathon he was planning was the perfect excuse to hang out with you. "I-i think I might have a plan!," he rushed out, his head flying up. He pointed to Sam. "Ask her if she's free tonight!"

"Yes!," Thor yelled, his fists pumped into the air. "The spider child has grown his man balls!"

"Now that's what I'm talking about." Sam nodded approvingly as he texted.

~~~

sci-fi: r u free tonight??😉

~~~

"Wait hold on," Peter said, suddenly rushing towards the phone in a frantic manner. "Why is there a winking emoji?! I didn't say anything about a winking emoji!"

Sam raised an eyebrow. "I thought you were flirti-"

Peter groaned. "Delete it, man. Delete it before her bitmoji pops up!"

"Okay okay, dang kid," Sam chuckled, quickly deleting the text and replacing it with one without a winking emoji. "There. And ya girl didn't even see it."

"Hey guys," Scott said. "I know we're all freaking out and stuff. But honestly, I'm just glad he wasn't watching porn." He shrugged. "So no matter what happens with this girl, today's still an absolute win."

It went on like this for a solid thirty minutes.

~~~

crackhead [y/n]: yeah wassup

sci-fi boi: wanna come over and watch movies?

crackhead [y/n]: sure what're we watching

sci-fi boi: we can decide that when u get here. how about 4??

crackhead [y/n]: alright sure

~~~

"Okay, last thing," Tony said. "We need a sly compliment. Something not that special about her, but enough to show her that you're tuned in. Gets them every time, trust me."

Natasha rolled her eyes. "Wow, lady-killer."

Tony pointed towards her and shrugged. "She said it, not me."

Thor looked to Peter. "So, young spider. What have you observed about your darling love?"

Peter blushed, almost wanting to comment on the Thor's word choice but ultimately deciding not to. "Well, um, her eyes light up a lot when she gets excited and it's really dorky in a cute kind of way I guess," he mumbled, scratching his head.

"Alright I got it," Sam said, typing the words in. He lifted his shoulders into a shrug. "Who knows, kid? There be some hope for you."

~~~

sci-fi boi: btw how do you get ur eyes to sparkle so bright when u get happy about stuff? Just thinking about it lol its cute

~~~

-

Peter blew out a shaky breath as he looked back over the set-up he'd made in the living room.

He'd cleared out space to build a super huge homemade blanket fort and inside it at the end was his tv. Towards the middle were all of pillows he could find inside the house and at the other end were snacks. All around the inside were fairy lights because he knew you liked them, though personally he found them cliche.

He spent about an hour on the whole set and an additional thirty minutes stressing over and making sure everything was safe (with all three fairy lights and tv cords). The last thing he needed was for the both of you to catch on fire while watching the movie.

The two of you were going to be watching Star Wars: Episode IV - A New Hope (or as normal 'not-nerds' like to call it, "the first one"). Of course, he hadn't told the team that. If they'd known what movie he'd planned on showing her, high chances are they wouldn't have even let him out of Avengers tower. But if Peter was gonna be forced to hang out with someone (not that he was really complaining), he would at least pick the film.

Finally checking all the boxes in his head for the night, Peter went to go check the DVD before he heard your knock at the door.

"Coming!," he yelled, quickly chucking the disc into the DVD player. He ran to the door and opened it with an awkward smile. "Uh, hey [Y/N]."

"Hey," you said back, already sort of blushing. "How's it going?"

Peter stared. Are your eyebrows done or are they just naturally that nice? He found his voice after abruptly noticing that he was staring. "Uh-well. It's been going great! How's it going for y-you also as well?" He frowned. "I-i mean, what's been going on with your life lately? No, that's dumb. I meant-"

"Peter, Peter! Calm down, dude," you giggled. "I've been fine."

"Oh," he chuckled. "That's good... d-do you wanna come in?"

"Question. What're we watching, Peter?," you asked, a smile playing on your face. Considering what you remembered from the last time you were at his house, and the fort you could get a peek of from the doorframe, you figured it was special for the nerdy boy. Plus his shirt had Yoda on it.

Freakin' Star Wars.

Immediately, a wide grin spread across his face. "Remember what you promised me we'd watch?"

You rolled your eyes, stepping past him into his living room. "Yeah yeah, whatever. Time to get nerdy I guess."

"Come on, you'll love it,"Peter said, quickly closing the door behind them and then briskly running towards the fort to hold up the side blankets for you. "So, snacks and drinks are beside us. We'll chill on these blankets here. And...um, yeah. That's about it." After stepping outside for a bit to go turn off the lights(for the full "movie theater" experience), Peter laid down on his belly, reaching for the DVD player to press play.

You watched as he fumbled with the wires, making sure the DVD player was plugged in before turning it on. Has your jawline always been that sharp?

You couldn't quite place it, but his texts from before seemed.. weird. But not a bad weird at all. A good, intriguing weird.

And that compliment was pretty nice, but odd for Peter. Sure, he complimented you often, but it just felt different this time. Usually it'd be something like, "new dress?" or "nice shoes". But never "you're eyes sparkle when you get excited." Heck, you didn't even know that about you. Was he paying attention? Did that mean he-

You remember how he acted about Liz Allen and Michelle Jones. Always staring. Never able to even say a full sentence in front of them without stuttering up a storm.

But he was so comfortable about you for the most part. You were just a friend.

"Okay got it," Peter said, laughing excitedly as the screen in front of him lit up. He scooted back to where you were sat. "Prepare to have your mind blown."

The Fort quickly became dark as the Lucasfilm logo shined on the screen.

"I seriously dou-"

"Shhh!," he cut you off. "Wait for it..."

You gave him a look but joined him in his silence to see what he was waiting for.

BUMMMMM buh buh bummmm

Practically jumping on top of him, you flinched at the loud and sudden music. "Crap dude! Turn it down!"

Peter shook his head, reaching for a soda. "You have to get the full effect, [Y/N]!," he laughed. "Just embrace it." He began to sing with the music and mime crazy gestures as if he were directing an orchestra.

Duh duh duh DUH DUHHHHHHHH

Halfway through he stopped and recited the opening crawl, his eyes glued to the screen with a sort of focus that made you sure that not only was this not foreign to him, he probably did this every other week.

"It is a period of civil war," he mumbled, throwing some popcorn into his mouth. "Rebel spaceships, striking from a hidden base, have won their first victory against the evil Galactic- [Y/N] you have to watch the words, I swear it'll make the whole experience better." It went on for a little while longer until he paused the movie and looked over at you, cowering a bit. "D-do I have something on my face?"

"Huh? Nah you're good," you said, realizing he'd noticed you staring. "It's just-" you remembered his text from earlier. "-you got really excited... It-um..it was cute."

Because of the darkness(the only lighting being from the tv), you couldn't see if Peter blushed or not, but you could clearly see the stupid grin plastered on his face that he was trying to hide from you with his hand. Repeatedly licking his lips as a desperate attempt to stop smiling as he pressed play on the remote control. "A-ah, um, thanks [Y/N]."

The opening crawl was over and soon the movie actually began, showing a huge spaceship.

"That's the imperial star destroyer," Peter whispered, never taking his eyes off the screen. "They belong to the empire." He saw your blank expression, wide eyes as he realized that meant nothing to you. "Uh, the bad guys."

You squinted your eyes at the screen, silently judging the graphics of the energy blasts- space bullets?- or whatever they were supposed to be. "Pete, when was this movie made?"

"1977."

"Oh okay," you said, deciding to give it some leeway for the trash designs.

You scooted a little closer to your friend, figuring you'd get a little bit more comfortable.

Oh how he wished you hadn't done that.

Nothing like actual, physical contact with a girl that you like and you think she might like you back to actually manage to distract you from one of your favorite movies ever.

He froze, not wanting to pull away and offend you, but definitely not wanting to stay because just being this close to you was making his mind run wild.

Does she actually like me back? What if Mr. Stark and the team only said that to get me to make a fool of myself? She's too comfortable with me. She just sees me as a friend. Or maybe she likes me and she's just really chill about it? Ooh my gosh and she's leaning on me right now. What am I 'sposed to do?? I don't know I don't know I don't know!!!!!!!!!

Deciding for a quick compromise, he got up completely to reach for another soda, though his sprite was still half finished. When he sat back down, he wasn't as close. Hopefully, you'd just see it as natural human behaviour and not him wanting to be away from you.

Course you would see it that way, wouldn't you?

"Oh my gosh I recognize someone! That's R2D2, right?!" You pointed wildly, glad to not be completely clueless for once with this nerd crap.

"Yeah that's R2," Peter responded, letting out a secret sigh of relief, thankful for the distraction.

"A-and that's that gold dude!"

"Yeah, C-3PO."

"And oh crap that's Princess Leia!," you shouted. "Fucking feminist icon!"

Peter tilted his head. "Wait, how would you know that if you've never watched this?"

You laughed. "I still have access to the internet, doofus! Scroll down the nerdy feminist side of tumblr and Leia is literally everywhere."

Peter chuckled as he finally finished his sprite. "Okay. Valid."

Since that, you stopped talking for a bit. Part of you actually did figure that since you're here, you might as well actually try to enjoy the movie and maybe find out what the fans actually see in it that makes them like it so much. The other part just really didn't want to annoy Peter while he was watching his favorite movie series.

But sometimes you just have to say something.

"Hold up, wait. Isn't that his sister? Oh my God, Pete I swear somebody told me before that Leia was Luke's twin!"

Peter shrugged while nodding. "Well, that's a bit of a spoiler, but yeah. What about it?"

"Oh my gosh, Pete- what about it?! Dude, he's literally making 'fuck me' eyes at his own sister! He's all like, 'ooh you're so sexy I'm gonna bone you all over the galaxy'. That's freaky!"

You grabbed the remote and began to rewind it.

"C'mon now [Y/N]," he explained. "He didn't call her sexy. He said she was beautiful. Sexy is wayyy different from beautiful. You can think your family members are beautiful can't you?"

You paused it once you got to where you wanted.

"Okay Parker, look at that. Look at that and tell me Lukes's not totally undressing her with his eyes!" You pointed at Peter's face with a goofy smile on yours. "Oh wow, I've finally figured you people out now."

Peter's head cocked to the side. "Figured out what?"

"Star Wars nerds are a bunch of horny kids that like that step-sibling porn stuff but can't watch that in front of their parents so they have to use an alternative!"

Peter fell on his back with laughter, practically rolling around like a pig. "[Y/N], what?!"

You gave him an incredulous look. "Who else likes to see two siblings bang each other, Peter?!"

At that he pointed back at you while picking up his other soda. "To be fair, they never do that with each other. They only kiss, like twice and that's it. And one of them is only to make Han Solo mad."

"Oh yeah, I forgot about the Han Solo guy. Where is he anyway?"

Peter smiled. "Well, we're only twenty mintues in. He'll come soon."

To tell the truth, Peter really didn't even know what part you were at. His eyes were watching the screen but nothing was being comprehended. The only thing he could manage to think about was all the tiny things that were going on over on your side of the fort. Did you notice him staring? Was Tony right and you were just concerningly nice?

"I love how everybody at this bar is so chill south everything that's happening. It's like oh wow this guy just shot this green dude at table 8 and nope we totally don't care," you joked, pulling Peter out of his trance. He reminded himself that he should probably try to pay more attention. He didn't want to ruin the movie for you in case you had any questions.

But eventually, like all things do, the movie came to an end.

"So, how'd you like it?," Peter said while neither one of you made a move to leave the dark fort. You were laid out in practically a starfish-type position while he was sitting Indian-style.

You smirked. "I'll admit, it was pretty nice for a movie made in 1977. Still a bit lame though," you teased, pinching your fingers together with a giggle. Suddenly, you gasped. "Ooh, Vader was pretty lit though! Just straight force-choking people who disagree with you is such a power move."

Peter rolled his eyes and scoffed lightly. "Typical..."

"Excuse me?"

He bit back a quick smile. "Look, I'm not saying that Darth Vader isn't awesome. Because he is! Totally and completely but [Y/N], you do realize that in literally every movie we watch you like the villains?," he said, raising an eyebrow.

"Because the villains are awesome!," you defended.

"Just saying. I'm sensing a bit of a pattern...," he teased.

You scoffed. "This coming from the guy who actually feels bad about some the people crashing into things when we're watching Ridiculousness," you said, reminding in how Peter was forever the relentless sap. "Well, while you're so busy judging me, whose your favorite character?"

At that, he gave a small sincere smile. "Ben. He's really cool."

"Ben Kenobi? The old guy that literally let himself die? But why?"

He shrugged, the small grin still present on his face. "Eh, sentimental reasons..."

He watched you return his sweet smile and it was then and there when Peter really felt content with the night. Though, you hadn't even known the weight his words carried, he did. Ned was the only other person who knew about it. But Peter knew right then and there that if you had asked, he'd tell you. And he knew you'd understand. Maybe you were just nice. Or maybe you did like him back. But in that moment, Peter didn't care. He just wanted to be here with you. Lost in the warm smell of popcorn and your vanilla perfume, watching a Star Wars movie with Uncle Ben surely smiling down from Heaven. And it gave Peter hope that maybe, just maybe, this was a step in the right direction.

2 hours (and five minutes) down. 22 hours (and forty seven mintues) to go...

---------------------------------------

Taglist: @underoosjae @spn-assemble-seven @of-your-eyes-begonia-skies @parkerpeter24 , @audreylovespidey706

[dangan-happy]

Password: No offense, but you're really looking good today

To: Anyone I guess, but preferably Izuru, Celeste, and/or Mikan

TWs: Hopelessness(?), numbness/repression(?)

Where do I even begin? Well, I gotta start somewhere. Ah, sorry in advance if this becomes too long and I end up becoming too much though... oh, and, um, just call me RiRi, okay?

These past few months, I've been experiencing a depressive episode that's been slowly but surely getting worse. And nowadays, even when I have good moments or even really good days, it either gets ruined or it just... completely vanishes for no reason, y'know? It's like the depressive episode is this weird, black slug monster within me that absorbs whatever positive feeling I'm, well, feeling, even if nothing bad is happening or is going to happen whatsoever. It's almost like flicking a light switch to the 'Off' end. I chalk it up to mood swings/dips, to which, is something I've been experiencing more frequently as of this past month or so.

Like for example, I had a really amazing day yesterday! I went out shopping with just my mom, we went out to eat, we had a fun time overall, and it was just... amazing. Once I arrived back to my house, I was just immensely happy stimming/fidgeting hours afterward. Today [the next day] though? Almost a complete 360: mentally/emotionally exhausted, dull, almost numb even, wanting to just lay in bed and not get up. Online classes are a pain, excuse of a family's a pain, everything's just a pain. I'm not exactly feeling s*icidal; just completely dull. Ironically enough, I feel like a walking Izuru, just without the God complex powers.

I just feel like I'm way broken beyond repair, and that sooner or later, I'm going to become too much to those who care about me and try to help me, especially since I have Major Depressive Disorder, anxiety (generalized and social), some suspected ADD (not suspected by me, but by my counselor), and now, some suspected bipolar (whether it's just general bipolar or perhaps bipolar depression is unknown. Bipolar does sort of run in my bloodline though, to be fair). And I'll admit, nowadays, my anger issues are more frequent and current. One person who I care about so much has made their fear clear when my anger becomes a total wildfire, and has told me whenever I get that mad that they're going to leave me alone until "the old RiRi comes back", which not only stabs me in the heart, but angers me even more. I understand why they say that though; I don't want to hurt anyone else. Not again.

Wow, this is... becoming too long and sort of off track, ain't it? I'm sorry; I'll just try to wrap this up here. I don't know what I want. I'm not too big on advice; I'm normally into wanting to be left alone or just wanting someone's company (basically, talk to me about anything but whatever's bringing me down or such). So I guess just a hug will do? I... really did outdo myself here; I'll go ahead and stop now. I tend to ramble and have the habit/mindset that if I don't explain to the fullest, the other person(s) won't have a full, clear understanding. Sorry again, and I hope everyone has a lovely day.

~ RiRi

This is not your first visit here, RiRi. One such as I can sense this. You are always welcome to say as much as needed.... So your Sunday was possibly an amazing day, daresay it was one of the best days of your life, and from Monday onwards, things went south. You’re low in the depths of misery and despair. The level of change is quite fast. 

You mention someone very close to you often decides to keep distance at your negative moments, the moments when you are most in need of aid. While it can be seen as a heart-wrenching act, it may be possible that your ally was to ensure that in the moment of struggle, they refrain from saying anything regrettable. A possible outcome, one of many. Do not think ill of them for doing so, the people you are with, they care immensely for you, in a way you will never understand nor see. 

Above all, you asked for a hug. I can only tell you to keep living, and to avoid doing anything rash again. I cannot enforce you to promise that, but remember that there are those who love you, even when you think otherwise. Doubt them, and you will only sustain more pain. So have hope. 

- Oh goodness, isn't this a long one. Alright my dear, I'll be sure to give my full effort. RiRi is a lovely name, and there's no need to apologize. You're not too much at all! I'm happy to help. A black slug monster is quite the descriptive way to describe depression. I quite like it, and it's a perfect representation. That emotional back and forth must be exhausting, I'm sorry you have to go through that. I've heard of that happening before, and its even happened to me before, so I can understand how you feel. I am quite pleased to hear that you had a good day. Days like those are always wonderful things, even when we're going through a dark time. I think you may have been emotionally exhausted the next day, but I am obviously not a professional, so don't take my word for it.

Hmm, yes those feelings of dullness are terrible, although I am glad to hear that you aren't feeling suicidal. Yes, that state does remind me of Izuru. I'm very sorry you're going through this. You're not broken beyond repair my dear, that's not the case at all. Everyone has their diagnoses, but that doesn't mean you're broken or beyond repair. Yes, I would say that there are some emotional issues, but that does not make you broken, or place you beyond repair. You're never going to be too much. The people that truly care for you would never abandon you for reasons such as that. I think it's a good thing that you already have some finalized and suspected diagnoses. That might help the treatment and help target more of the specific issues.

Yes, I can speak on anger issues, I unfortunately have experience. Personally, I do not like the statement your friend used. While anger can be scary, saying something like that is quite hurtful, and I do understand how that hurt you. Can you tell when those anger flashes are coming on? I would try to learn to recognize them, and potentially separate yourself from others when you feel one happening. While I think your friend should protect themselves, that wasn't the best way to phrase it. It's very kind of you to worry about others. Learning to recognize when these shifts are coming could help you avoid hurting others unintentionally. Practice makes perfect though, so be prepared for that. It's alright, most people tend to ramble while they are venting, I was still able to understand what you are saying. In all honesty, I would say exactly what you've said here to your counselor. Make sure they know about these mood shifts, and they may be able to do more on their end. Everything I've said is a suggestion, so take it or leave it my dear. I just wanted to make sure that I had plenty of things to say to you, since an ask of this length certainly deserves it.

Again, there is no reason to apologize, and it's ok to not know what you want. I understood what you were saying perfectly, so there's no need to worry about that. I may have outdone myself on this response, so we're in the same boat together, aren't we my dear? I'm certainly happy to give you a hug. Angry or not, you're a lovely, wonderful person RiRi. You are not broken, and you are not beyond repair. We all have our struggles in life, and some are just more prominent than others. I hope you have a lovely day as well, but you're not allowed to leave until I give you a hug!

[kemonododo]

Decided to rewatch the whole series after seeing the finale, here's my thoughts as they come along part 1

Razz tells Adora not to look for others to tell her what to do and asks her what she thinks. Adora decides she must fight the Horde. It's poetic that Adora gets so hung up on destiny and fulfilling her goal, when the final message she needed to learn was said in the third episode. Razz is the wisest of us all.

Angella repeats what she heard in the legends of She-Ra, notably that she is meant to "bring balance to Etheria". From Angella's perspective this seems like a good thing, but it's so much more sinister knowing that basically means "to turn the death star on".

Catra was pissed at Adora, but seemed willing to leave the Horde until Hordak elects her as Force Captain. This is the start of her conclusion that Adora was only holding her back, and so the decent of her madness. That little smirk kills me, because that face will shed a lot of tears from this point on.

Season 5 showed us what Adora's She-Ra looks like, without the First One's influence. It might be a bit blasphemous, but I think that reveal would have worked better if this early season She-Ra was the mini-skirt, cleavage design of the 80s. Have a bit of symbolism about societal beauty standards. Love the muscles though that part is perfect.

The first time Catra and Adora meet back up after their falling out is a little unremarkable, the wounds are still fresh and they're still angry at each other but I think both still don't understand how big this schism between them will be.

I just realized Entrapta's castle has a picture of a Tyrannosaurus rex with a unicorn horn and Pegasus wings. Is that what Mara's dragon was!? 😂

God I love Entrapta, even when I first watched this I was excited to see the purple Hatsune Miku in the intro. She always cared about people since the beginning, she just doesn't understand politics.

Castaspella and Angella were shipping Glimbow from the start lol.

The show gives us a full view of how Shadow Weaver's abuse affected Adora. Being constantly pressured to be the best and strongest at the threat of Catra's health has left Adora a jittering wreck. Call me sadistic, but I love that it wasn't resolved in this episode. Adora wins the battle against SW today, but all the way up to the series finale we see SW's dirty fingers clawing away at her conscious. It takes more than 20 minutes to escape a life of manipulation.

Princess Prom! This is when the show goes from a 7 to a 10. Not only the prom being a fun venue, but this is where Catra begins to get some agency. This is the first time she really feels like a main character, which is great because I love her more than anything. Also the first time we see Double Trouble and the Star sisters, which I guess are different from the Star Siblings in season 5? A bit of a continuity error.

Aww, Glimmer is jealous. I can relate to her fears of being pushed out, but the fact that she's pretty madly in love with him adds a whole new layer. Bow is right but he's being a bit insensitive here.

Let's just take a moment to appreciate how far we've come. Remember when this was the gayest thing in the show?

It's fun watching the princess alliance so early in their friendships, they obviously care enough to go with Adora on this mission to save Glimmer, but I love how annoyed and distracted they get with each other.

This episode is also really big for Catra, realizing she will never get Shadow Weaver's approval, that longing look at Adora, "this is not because I like you".

The Beacon is sandwiched between two great episodes that make it feel like filler, but a lot actually happens. We see more of Adora's insecurities, especially how she starts to take it out on herself when she runs into a problem out of her control. We got the formation of the super pal trio, a short lived group with an amazing dynamic. And we also have a huge moment with Angella that basically defines her entire character.

Entrapta's insecurities are revealed. She wants friends, she loves people, but they're complicated and hard and always seem to leave her. It's heartbreaking and something that comes to a head on Beast Island.

I love this scene with Catra and Shadow Weaver. It's clear she still loves her evil mom, and we see how SW has abandoned the idea of Adora for now and is now beginning to manipulate Catra. We also see another Catradora parallel, both of them tell straight to SW face that she has no power over them anymore, something we continue to see is not true.

Promise! 18 months later and it's still my favorite episode of the show. I like how it starts off with the anger they've been feeling up until now, but through the mind melting manipulation by skynet Light Hope, it's multiplied a thousand fold. Before this Catra was pissed at her friend, now Catra wants to murder the person she thinks destroyed her life. After this Catra isn't a cute tsundere, she's completely homicidal. She still loves Adora obviously, but Light Hope has corrupted that love into the most vitriol hate on the planet. It's wild to think they both love each other so much, and yet the abuse that have scarred them prevents that love from breaking free. This is the true moment where the show starts, this is where it became the best cartoon I have ever seen.

Also this is the only time since the first episode and Catra's redemption in season 5 where their chemistry is in full play. They just love each other so much, god I'm fucking tearing up again.

An important thing people forget about the Catradora dynamic is Catra's inferiority complex. She has been told since the day she was born that she is worthless, below Adora in every way. She loves and looks up to Adora, but her existing in Adora's shadow blackens that love. Which is why her joining the rebellion isn't a good ending for her. She needed time on her own, away from Adora, to carve out her own identity. It was her struggles as Force Captain that finally pushed her to start doing good, that realization that she is unhappy in that role. If she had left with Adora in episode 1, she would still be bitter and cruel and toxic, because she'd still be standing behind Adora.

Shadow Weaver's abuse goes both ways, as now Adora feels like she needs to protect Catra like a helpless kitten. That dynamic was not healthy, and it would not have lasted. Catradora can only exist now because they both accept each other as equals.

That final "you promise?", probably the most important words in the show. I've seen this episode a dozen times, but after seeing the finale the tears are running down my face again. Adora was the light of Catra's light, nothing mattered as long as Adora was there with her. She loved her so much. The Fright Zone, Shadow Weaver, her own insecurities, they all impacted Catra. But in that moment, them cuddling on their bunk, it didn't matter. Little did she know Adora loved her back just as much. Fuck I'm crying again.

Catra took that memory, tainted by Light Hope, and saw Adora as a monster. Someone who manipulated her like everyone else and abandoned her at the first opportunity. Someone who broke her most important promise, someone who broke her heart. Catra is probably the best written character in fiction, no I am not exaggerating.

It's a hard follow up after that episode, but the amazing juxtaposition of Entrapta and Light Hope telling the same story with different information is bone chilling and goosebumps giving.

Knowing the whole story of Mara, Light Hope's speeches are terrifying. Her manipulation makes Shadow Weaver look soft. Luckily we have an Alicorn to help, like all other abuse in the show it isn't over in a single dialog exchange, but Swift Wind is speaking the truths Adora needs to hear. The thing about Adora though is one of her main character flaws, she gives in to the doubt her abusers seed her. Her friends constantly tell her she has worth and deserves love, but she has it in her head that she must sacrifice herself for the greater good. That's another reason why Catradora works in the end, Catra helps bring out the selfishness she needs.

Battle of Brightmoon isn't a great finale, my time in the MLP fandom has soured me on "then all the friends came together and shot the villain with a rainbow" conclusion. Luckily, the show would knock the next three out of the park.

Catra starting the new season strong, I love the juxtaposition of the horde soldiers fearing her while the super pal trio doesn't. I love that little smirk, she thinks it's the first she wants yet we all know it's the later.

Frosta got a character change, I understand what they're doing where the other princesses are bringing her out of her shell, but it all happened off-screen so she just seems out of character. The little moment with her and Glimmer is great, and a little bit of forshadowing for Glimmer's queenly role.

Every Shadow Weaver and Catra interaction is fantastic, I love how SW gets so easily under her skin and how Catra pretends to brush it off. Those black tenticles still have a hold on the Kitty's heart.

Ties that Bind is a fantastic episode, especially seeing Catra's interactions with Bow and Glimmer. I love how this contrasts with the season 5 episode A shot in the Dark, here Catra is bullying the best friend squad with malice while the later has Glimmer and Bow playfully making fun of her with love.

Glimmer's actions here are also great forshadowing for her role as queen, especially how desperate she is to destroy the horde and how it affects her morals. Makes her decision to use the heart in season 4 very believable.

I love how Adora keeps referencing ghost stories she heard as a kid. I love the idea of her and Catra under the covers telling scary stories to each other until they'd both end up cuddling while insisting they aren't scared.

Entrapdak! Entrapta's love of science, complete lack of fear, and unending kindness can turn even a dictator cute. They have fantastic chemistry.

I love this little moment with Catra, Shadow Weaver correctly assumes that she's being pushed out and left behind by Hordak, and sure enough she finds Entrapta standing next to him in the lab she was almost killed just for stepping in. Her fears are repeating.

Ah! Goosebumps! The show is slowly moving to be more and more Sci-Fi, and that little shot of Mara's crashed ship with the fantastic music is just a hint to what's to come.

Roll With It is an absolutely adorable low stakes slice of life episode that shows how fun these characters are even when they aren't fighting a war. It's probably the funniest episode in the series, the 80s She-Ra segment is my favorite. There's also the wonderful moment of Adora's breakdown, the pressures of being the world's savior takes a toll on her.

White Out! One of my favorite episodes. The mostly self contained story, the new setting and outfits, great Super Pal Trio bonding, Scorpia being a lesbian, Sea Hawk, and the only time we see the corrupted She-Ra. It's a fantastic microcosm of the show itself, and it's really funny. The Scorpatra stuff is a bit sad knowing how it ends, but it is nice seeing how Scorpia can have a crush while still realizing the toxicity of her relationship later on.

Shadow Weaver's backstory and the biggest window into her head. She believes what she is doing is right, but her methods are full on psychotic, and she was power hungry from the start. I love her so much, she's so deliciously evil. The Eldritch horror that is the spell of obtainment is a treat, and SW's arrival at the Fright Zone is beautifully terrifying. This episode also has the best scenes with her and Catra, it's devastating to watch Catra continue to pine for SW's approval and how, after all this time, SW still only sees her as a tool.

Shadow Weaver is one of my favorite characters, literally every scene with her a amazing. "I can tell by how your voice turns shrill when you scream" what a bitch I love her. I also really like how you can tell Catra and Adora still love her, even after all this abuse. She's a monster, but she's also a mom, and both of those identities conflict in their heads.

Shadow Weaver's and Light Hope's reveal of Adora's origin is goosebumps giving. The revelation that there is a universe beyond Despondos is amazing, but I especially love Light Hope continuing to withhold information and effectively lie to Adora. Razz, Swift Wind, Angella, Catra, they all tell her to make her own decisions but this moment with Light Hope where she is told she doesn't have a choice is what Adora latches on to.

There's also the deal with Hordak, when Light Hope tells the story, she paints it as Hordak ripping the poor baby away from her family. We later learn that's wrong, Hordak saves Adora, he finds a tiny baby and even as a heartless destroyer he knows he can't leave her out there to die. He steals her away, but he does so from Light Hope, the original kidnapper. If Adora was raised by Light Hope, she probably would have fired the heart without question. The Horde was not a good environment to grow up in, but it was an important part in making her the hero the universe needed.

I love Hordak's monologue, the art style and music are fantastic and the whole thing is terrifying. To imagine the big bad horde of the show is just a tiny sliver of what is out there. It also shows Hordak's motivations, which don't excuse his actions but do explain them. This show does a fantastic job at letting us sympathize with the evil-doers, and that has only grown now that Wrong Hordak has shown what it's like to be disconnected from the hive-mind. Bonus points for explaining Imp's origin and showing how Entrapta is exactly the person that he needs right now.

Catra is being embarrassingly edgy here, but it is funny that she's talking about "lost it all" and she seems to think this is rock bottom, oh girl you are in for a ride awakening with how much farther you can fall.

Promise plays again as Adora has another break down. We finally see Mara, and as with everything to do with the First Ones it is chilling. I love this slowly unraveling storyline of Light Hope's true intentions. At this point it is clear she is not to be fully trusted, but we have yet to see how truly sinister her intentions are.

Catra, again, being one of the best characters ever written. She finds a minimum amount of happiness in the wastes, and immediately it all comes crashing down when her trauma resurfaces. That scene of the anger taking over is a masterpiece. I have said a million times that she'd never be truly happy in the wastes, and the later seasons confirm it, but it is heartbreaking to see how even the slightest hint of a smile is ripped off her face.

The Glimmer Angella arguments hurt, they're both right but it's sad to see them fight and how Angella takes Glimmer's advice while Glimmer doubles down on her faults.

Shadow Weaver back on her bullshit, manipulating teenagers to give her power. Noelle mentioned how she truly believes she's on the good side, and obviously she doesn't want the Horde to win, but you can't deny she has some selfish motivations behind recruiting Glimmer. That lust for power remains with her until the very end.

We see Adora getting to Entrapta here, people I think really didn't get their impressions of her right. Entrapta loves tech and science, and sometimes it blinds her, but she isn't immoral, she does care about the safety of her friends.

"You made me this way, and you get to be the good guy" "you couldn't wait to get away from here, from me. But you came back for Adora". You can see how SW's betrayal not only reaffirmed Catra's fears, but was probably just as much a force behind her decent into madness as Adora was.

There's also something beautiful about the symbolism of Shadow Weaver using her new victim like a battery to crush her old.

And Catra betrays Entrapta and Scorpia, this is officially the worst she gets, at this point her hatred of Adora is taking over her. We see more of it in season 4, but her desire to hurt Adora as much as Adora has hurt her causes her to crack like an egg. Scorpia's face says it all.

I love getting to see Catra and Adora in their element, completely in love with each other. None of the complexity of the world at large, just them two together. Even Shadow Weaver's approval of Catra, this is her dream world.

It's funny how Scorpia's first instinct upon seeing Catra is to hug her while her first reaction to Adora is to insult her. She has terrible judgement of character lol

Everyone's insistence that it's "perfect", watching the world shift and fall apart, the confusion, the panic, the show masterfully shows Adora's emotions in this mind-melding episode.

"Soon the two of us will be ruling Etheria together just like we always planned" "Is that what you really want, to rule the world?" "I mean, yeah, obviously. Isn't that what you want too?" God this little moment is perfect, it shows how much they're wavelengths differ. Catra focuses on the "together" while Adora focuses on the "rule the world". Like DT says later, Catra's heart was never truly in it. This thirst for power is just the world's most destructive coping mechanism.

[clairecrive]

“It’s always been you” A Klaus Mikealson x Reader imagine

Hey everyone, I'm back! I know that some of you are waiting for the last part of "A nightmare coming true", the one with an happy ending, but since it's not ready yet I thought to post this one. I wrote it a while ago, prompts are in bold. I hope you like it!

I'm working on some Bradley James x reader imagines, so that will come soon too.

Oh and, this has a part 2. Let me know if you me to post it!

"Hey,I'm at your house but no one answered. Is it because you're in the bathroom or just out?"

I read Hayley's text.

"I'm at the bar. Come meet me."

It was 8 p.m. or a wednesday night and I was almost drunk. Sad,I know.

But when one's suffers from a heartache, social conventions tend to be the last of his problems. It's not the first time that I find myself in this situation. It has become almost an habit for me: trying to take my mind off him, going out with random guys, feeling even worst after the date because I knew that there was no one like him.

Well yes, he was one of a kind indeed.

An original hybrid, half vampire, half werewolf. Pretty invincible, carismatic, confident, sarcastic, sexy. Now you can see why it's so hard for me to move on from him.

Klaus and I were pretty close, don't get me wrong, but I'm more like, the one that has always been by his side. I guess you can call us,bbf.

The thing is,for almost a century now, I've realised that I was in love with him. Things were doing great nonetheless because he didn't really care for anyone other than me and his family.

Well, that was until we came back to this forseken town known as Mystic Falls, and he met her.

Caroline Forbes.

The bubbliest, prettiest and blondest girl I've ever known. She truly was amazing and that only made things worse for me.

He was currently drinking and laughing with her at the end of the bar counter. He didn't even notice me coming in, too caught up in whatever Caroline was saying. For every laugh they made, a drink was tossed back in my mouth.

Gosh, how did I become this pathetic?

A hand on my back distracted me from my not so joyful thoughts.

"Hey girl, what's with the early drinking?" said Hayley taking a seat next to me.

I'm pretty sure that my face showed my pain because with only a glance to where they were and then at her, and she understood everything.

"Oh well, let's just say that you look like you need a hug."

"What I need, is to find my significant other. or just someon that will love me. I just want to be somebody to someone, to him."

Hayley looked at me with symphaty in her eyes and squeezed my arm to comfort me.

"Oh Y/N, you mean so much to so many people." I scuffed looking at my now empty glass.

"They why is he with her? Why is he not here with me?" My voice almost broke at the end because of the tears that welled up in my eyes.

"I'm so drunk right now that I could go right up to him and say:" Pick me. Choose me. Love me." and not find it emberassing." (Grey's feelings)

Hayley took this as a warning and asking for the bill, she stood up and said: "Yeah well, I assure you that you'd be so ashemed of yourself if you did something like that that I'm pretty sure you'll want to bury yourself."

"Yeah,you're right." I laughed trying to stand up, but then again, I've always had issues with balance, in this state it only got worse, so if it wasn't for Hayley I would be on the floor now.

"Easy there, Y/N. I think it's better if I get you home."

I was too busy trying to remember how to walk to notice that Klaus was looking at me and way too drunk to realize that he had heard everything.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I was now at home, holding a hot stamping cup of coffee trying to sober up in order to not suffer from a terrible hungover tomorrow.

A Friends episode was on the tv, "the one with the cuffs" and I was laughing at something Chandler said when the doorbell rung.

Frowning I stopped the episode and wondering who could it be, I opened the door.

Oh well, it it wasn't prince charming himself.

"Klaus? What are you doing here? It's late." I said moving so that he could come inside.

"I came to see how you were doing. I saw that you got yourself pretty drunk."

He was now sitting on the sofa were I previously was.

"Oh so you did see me. I thought you were too into Caroline to be aware of the world around you." I said with a little of venom and sarcasm in my voice.

"Is that jealousyai hear in your voice?" he said perking his eyebrow up.

"The only thing you're hearing is the alcohol speaking." I said letting myself fall on the couch next to him.

"You know, that wasn't what it looked like." he said after a while.

"You don't owe me an explanation, Klaus. It has nothing to do with me." I said with a little of resentment.

I really didn't want to talk about him and Caroline, crying in front of him wasn't something I wanted to avoid.

"Apparently, it has everything to do with you. That's the reason I'm here actually, I came to explain what happened and I'm not leaving until you listen."

Not wanting to argue with him, I was too weak to put up a fight anyway, I just said :"Be my guest, then."

"Do you recall the saying:"keep your friends close and your enemies even closer"?

and here I thought I was the drunk one here.

"Mh, yes?"

"Well, that's exactly what I was doing early."

I turned my head toward him and gave him a confused look.

"I don't know if it's the alcohol or just the time but you're not making any sense Klaus."

My face must have been confused as hell because he laughed.

"Then I'm going to make it cristal clear for you. I'm not engaging with Caroline because I have romantic feelings for her, but because I know that her friends are going to plot something against me and having someone on the inside, can come in handy."

That honestly left me speechless and I think he noticed because he laughed once again and caressing my cheek, he added:

"It's always been you, you know."

Well, that certainly cleared everything up.

I was still looking at him with wide eyes and I fear even with an open mouth.

"Are you going to say anything or...?"

"No uhm... I think I forgot how to breathe."

He laughed again and this time I joined him, still not believing that the love of my life might feel the same way about me.

"It's just that-- I've been waiting for this fo so long. I don't know how to react"

He smiled and standing up, he pulled me with him to lead me to my bedroom.

"Don't worry love. You don't have to say anything. Just go to sleep, today it's been a handful."

I couldn't argue with him even if I wanted to because as soon as me head touched the pillow I fell asleep.

[snow-barryrules-blog]

Why Snowbarry Fans Still Believe Barry and Caitlin Can Make a Great Couple (Part 1)

I hate seeing anti-Snowbarry posts in the Snowbarry tag but I always do coz Tumblr's always bitchin'. I always try to scroll past most of them and try not to read them but one of them caught my eye a while ago. This particular post was not written by a WA fan, it was written by a person that just recently joined the Flash fandom and really didn't understand why Snowbarry fans still ship this pairing even though the show had been propping up WA as the main couple for years. Reading that post gave me a lot to think about and I finally feel it's time to set the record straight.

Tbh, I cannot speak for the whole Fandom but I want to try and speak for a vast majority of Snowbarry fans based on what I've read online and the kind of post many Snowbarry shippers like and reblog.

This post is for all Snowbarry fans and members of the Flash fandom who really don't understand why Snowbarry fans won't give up on this pairing even with the upcoming WA wedding. I will be relying on all the things Barry and Caitlin have done for each other from s01-s04. There will be no use of manips and imagination in this post. I will only present raw facts based on what has been happening in the show.

1. The Way They Notice Stuff About Each Other

Barry can tell when something is bothering Caitlin without being told and vice versa. Their ability to observe and understand each other's feelings without being told is impressive and fascinating. This ability shows how much of a great couple they would make.

2. Mental Synchronization

In many episodes of the Flash, Barry and Caitlin are either talking in sync, finishing each other's sentences or even moving at the same time. Even though a lot of this happens out of mere coincidence, the fact that it can even happen at all says a lot. Seriously, some couples have to go to couples' therapy to learn to achieve even a little bit of the mental synchronization Barry and Caitlin exhibit naturally and that's just one of the many reasons Snowbarry fans still believe this pairing can make a great couple.

3. They Make Quite a Pair

When Barry and Caitlin openly admitted to each other that they make quite the pair, a lot of Flash fans started shipping them. The fact that even the evil versions of them made a hell of a team encouraged their shippers to keep believing they should become a couple since most people believed Caitlin/Killer Frost's loyalty to Savitar was born from her deep connection to Barry.

4. They Help Each Other Face Their Fears

"Fear cuts deeper than swords ..."

I once heard that quote in Game of Thrones and it is so true. Barry and Caitlin have been through many horrifying situations some of which they have overcome on their own and others which they have helped each other overcome. A great couple always helps each other face their fears just as Barry and Caitlin routinely help each other through their darkest times.

5. They Have Fun Together

Great couples always have fun together and spend a lot of time with each other. Many Snowbarry shippers still believe Barry and Caitlin can make a great couple because they spend a lot of time together at STAR labs and since they have a lot of common interests, they usually have a lot of fun together whether they're playing laser tag with Cisco or doing karaoke.

6. Sacrifice

Fact: even though it is not easy to give up your comfort or safety in order to ensure the comfort or safety of another person, if you are doing it for someone you truly care about you won't hesitate. Barry and Caitlin's eagerness to make sacrifices for each other shows how much they truly care about each other and this makes their shippers believe they will make a great couple.

7. They Take Care of Each Other

Both Barry and Caitlin possess a caring nature. Since Barry is a superhero and Caitlin is a doctor, they can frequently showcase how caring they are. Caitlin takes care of Barry a lot, it is even part of her job description to take care of him coz she's his personal physician. Barry and Caitlin have become very close and he is always willing to take care of her, whether he's watching over her as she falls asleep or helping her nurse a hang over.