#I've been making an effort to go to performances like these more often

[cookinguptales]

I'm so happy 🥹 my ensemble philly wallet is so fuckin stacked rn

[inthelittlewood]

So, just out of curiosity, are you thinking of making episodes for rats 2 like you did for all the other pow creations smps? If not, that's okay (:

I'm really not sure currently. For full transparency, the previous episodes of both series made on average about £40 individually. The occasional one flicked up to NEARLY £100, but they're real anomalies. Thumbnail costs take up a good portion of that 40, then what's left, divided by the hours it takes to condense masses of content down to episode form would be a wage grossly below minimum wage. It's not smart financially or motivationally to proceed that way.

I've always been proud of the end products of each episode / series but I had revenue coming from other sources that have since dried up. I can't make purely artistic decisions when I have mouths to feed and a home to maintain.

I've been quiet on video content this year because I've not had an SMP play in, so streaming became a primary earner. Even that was propped up significantly by our Logitech/Streamlabs sponsorship - which concluded unexpectedly early at the end of September due to budget adjustments on their end (zero bad feelings regarding that btw, it was all done fairly and by the contract, it was quarterly renewals and I was communicated respectfully with)

I'm lucky that Wild Life has come along when it has, as it gives me a little breathing room to try and secure a new sponsor or at least compile a content plan for late 2024 / early 2025.

Even my Life series barely pass the threshold to where an editor wouldn't gobble up the majority of the revenue. That one is a real 50/50 between coming out net neutral, or coming out with a minimal profit. It's rough. Speaking honestly, I'm a tad nervous about the immediate future, but I promise this isn't a post trying to rouse pity or spur on donations/subs etc, it's just transparency as I've always operated. It feels better laying it out so analytically because it gives people context and answers the FAQ of "why don't you just hire someone", the overhead isn't there.

I'm going to start putting the feelers out to try and secure a new partnership, I have one conversation pending and if we can I'll nab some sponsored streams more often to raise the tides.

That said, we are headed in to the best time of year for ad revenue on YouTube especially, but it's not quite the 5x multiplier I would need to sensibly navigate my situation ha

The only viable solution currently would be to crowd source funds to cover the costs of the work for making the episodes, whether that be paid to me and I edit them myself or more ideally, an editor, so I can focus my efforts in to producing another piece of content. I've no idea what the Patreon/Kofi/Crowdfunding landscape is like currently both mechanically and socially. Are they a thing people subscribe to anymore? They inherently come with more pressures too which I'm nervous to take on.

I'm likely to get inbox messages offering to edit for free or at a reduced fee, but PLEASE DON'T DO THAT. Even if you're framing it as good practice, or a portfolio/client list piece, I wouldn't feel comfortable with that. It's a very sweet gesture and I totally understand showing that initiative / sincerity, I've been there, but those scenarios can too often be miscommunicated or misconstrued and it gets messy. People's time and talents deserve compensation.

So tl;dr answer is I'm not sure, I might try an episode 1 to see how it performs, but it's not looking great. Sorry.

[pyrodolls]

WHAT IF THE INAZUMA MEN HAD A CRUSH ON YOU...

A/N: i hope this is not ooc, i've been playing genshin for like 2 years sooo i think i should know their personalities by now LMAO

CHARACTERS: arataki itto, gorou, kaedehara kazuha, kamisato ayato, heizou, thoma (separate)

arataki itto loves showing off and trying to impress you, thinking that he's being very slick and secretive about his crush on you. but in reality, it's extremely clear that he has feelings for you. he'd always yell out your name every time he sees you and run up to you excitedly. he always seems to strike up an enthusiastic conversation with you and have his full attention on you, regardless of what the topic is.

gorou's crush on you feels as if it was taken straight out of a book. he gets the heart-beating, face flushing and sweating feeling every time he sees you. he stammers and struggles to keep up his professional facade every time he attempts to speak with you. which happens very rarely, as he is too nervous to even go up to you. he just stares at a distance, silently hoping you'd go up to him and start up the conversation yourself. it comes off as creepy more than cute, so you end up being uncomfortable every time he does this.

kaedehara kazuha is a gentleman through and through. he is very kind and helpful to you, always offering to perform your chores and tasks whilst striking up a conversation. he is also an excellent listener, never interrupting you when you speak and he offers input every now and then. he loves your voice and will listen to you talk about anything. overall, he's extremely charming and finds a way to treat you in a special way without revealing his feelings for you.

kamisato ayato is a man of ambition. he sees something he wants, he will get it. he is very strategic when it comes to courting you. he wishes for everything to be perfect and carefully considered. he would spend time with you and offer to treat you often. he also uses his resources and reputation in inazuma to make sure every outing by your side is enjoyable. he understands that he may be too busy to truly keep you happy in a relationship, but he is willing to try. as soon as you finally understand the meaning of his teasing and expensive gestures.

heizou does not believe in coincidences. meeting and falling in love with you was no fluke, it was meant to be. that is why he is almost completely open about his feelings for you. he has never explicitly stated that he has feelings for you, but he is not afraid to flirt with you or act as if you are already dating. he knows there is a chance that he could be rejected, but he would rather be open and honest about his feelings and risk getting rejected, rather than regret never being true to himself. however, if you expressed the slightest discomfort or straight up rejected him, he would stop. in the meantime, he's gonna keep up his flirty antics.

thoma is almost the perfect person to have feelings for you. he is extremely kind, respectful, gentle, and observant. the only problem is that he never has the free time to spend with you. he is constantly performing his daily tasks, offering help to others, etc. he tries to find the time to talk to you and drop a few hints to how he feels about you, but it isn't easy. so in the few moments he does have with you, he goes all out. he gets to know you more, he listens to you and understands you, and he puts an effort to help you with any task he can. he truly wishes to be with you someday, and he goes to sleep every night thinking of you, hoping he wasn't messing up your viewpoint of him just because of his busy schedule.

[danieyells]

hi there,

thank you so much for all the voicelines you post !! if it’s okay, can i request subaru’s ?

thank you again !

You're welcome! At some point I might go back and put in the ones I leave out because they don't appeal to me as much lol but since i always end up posting 99% of them anyway I think it's enough for most people hahaha. It's all of them now! Sorry for the delay.

I WAS GONNA OMIT ONE OR TWO BECAUSE OF SPOILERS but eh i'll just warm for like. extra spoilers. since after doing more code peeking it wasn't the spoiler i thought it was. SUBARU IS A SWEETIE THOUGH. I also read Subaru's chats which were put in the code recently and. Man this guy needs anxiety meds. I have a small guess as to what his stigma is, but we'll learn in a few days anyway.

Hello: (the first time the game is opened after that character is set as home screen NPC. Only happens once per day, unless the character is switched out and back.)

"I'm very sorry to have kept you waiting. It's wonderful to see you again."

You've Got Mail: (whenever there's something in the inbox, usually Arena rewards)

"It looks like there's a notice for you. I'd be happy to go pick it up for you if you've got your hands full. Oh, forgive me if I'm overstepping."

oh no he's anxious about helping--

Default: (requires no affinity, has no time constraints)

"I really am so lucky to be surrounded by so many kind people like you."

"I never thought I'd get the chance to enjoy the lifestyle of a student until I came to Darkwick. Every day truly is fulfilling here."

it feels like subaru is like. . .the only one who actually enjoys school life here. . .or who really enjoys being here period lmao. . . .

"You think I'm always smiling? Ha ha, I hear that a lot. It just happens when I'm around all of you."

"I may be the captain, but it's just in name. I think Haku is much better suited for the job than me."

"I've been working since I was four, so people often said I was mature for my age. But the truth is, I've still got a lot to learn."

that makes two characters whose parents have essentially been keeping them from normal life and normal childhood for work reasons since they were four year olds. . . .

Affinity 1: (between 5am and 11am)

"I tend to just have hot water for breakfast. I know it would be better for me to eat a proper meal, but it's just so much effort."

DO WE REALLY HAVE TO START WITH "I NEED THE GHOULS TO EAT PROPER FUCKIN MEALS". . . .

Affinity 2: (between 11am and 4pm)

"I'm sorry I'm so late. The campus is so crowded I can never manage to walk in a straight line, so it always takes me longer than I think. Silly, isn't it?"

baby you're hardly the first person i've met with anxiety about crowds. you're fine.

Affinity 3: (between 4pm and 8pm)

"What would I do without Haku's help? Hotarubi would be a mess without him."

Affinity 4: (between 8pm and 5am)

"I wonder if I should apply early to take out any common artifacts I might need for this mission. I'll ask Haku what he thinks..."

Affinity 5: (between 8pm and 5am)

"Ah!  You surprised me there... I just got back from a small errand. Do you need something?"

Affinity 6: (between 4pm and 8pm)

"Ever since I was a child, the performing arts were my only focus. Maybe that's why people always say my mannerisms are so peculiar. It bothers you too, doesn't it?"

poor boy doesn't know how to act if he isn't acting. . .he doesn't know how to exist off-script. . .no wonder he made a deal with a demon. it's probably the first thing he's ever done for himself.

Affinity 7: (between 11am and 4pm)

"I'd like to go to the cafeteria, but the line is always so long. I feel bad taking time to choose while people are waiting behind me. The bar of entry feels a little high."

i am once again suggesting subaru get anxiety meds. hell go to sinnostra and get some weed, i bet they sell that. i hear it can help.

Affinity 8: (between 4pm and 8pm)

"I'm just about to go and meet a friend. I hate to inconvenience you like this, but if it's something urgent, could you speak to Haku about it instead?"

Affinity 9: (between 8pm and 5am)

"What am I going to do? We're supposed to be meeting up in an hour... If I cancel now, they'll hate me..."

Affinity 10: (between 10pm and midnight)

"Whew... I'll walk you back to your house, {PC}. Oh, it's no problem at all, I assure you! I wanted some fresh air anyway."

Affinity 11: (between 5am and 11am)

"I have an Anomalous Ecology test coming up. It's such a fascinating subject, I couldn't help but stay up all night studying. Now I'm a little sleep-deprived."

Affinity 12: (between 11am and 4pm)

"I'm going to stretch my legs a little. I might not have a show to practice for right now, but I need to keep putting myself through my paces. I'll get rusty otherwise."

Affinity 13: (between 4pm and 8pm)

"I'm sorry my phone's been making so much noise. I recently downloaded an app by mistake, and it won't stop sending me notifications..."

awww he's also technologically incompetent. . .poor guy was probably raised with such a heavy focus on his career he just. never needed a smartphone. anyone he needed to contact or who needed to contact him was probably always very close by. it sounds like he didn't even properly go to school before going to Darkwick. Somebody please take this boy on a walk. like anywhere. take him to a library. buy him a churro. can sho make churros? this is somebody who's never had any sort of normal social experience and sees how different he is and wishes it weren't the case, unlike Ritsu who assumes everyone else is like him, i think he'd like to have some more Experiences.

Affinity 14: (between 5am and 11am)

"... ...Oh! Hello, {PC}—I didn't even notice you there. My mind was somewhere else."

Affinity 15: (between 5am and 11am)

"Good morning! Sorry? My hair's messy? You're right, it's sticking right up at the front... That's embarrassing. I'll fix it right away."

Affinity 16: (between 11am and 4pm)

"I usually have lunch in the dormitory. I do eat on the terrace with Lyca every now and then, but he seems so busy these days..."

Lyca is one of the members of Obscuary, btw! Seems like he and Subaru are friends.

Affinity 17: (between 10pm and midnight)

"I didn't take you for a night owl, {PC}. Since you're here, I suppose I'll stay up a little longer. You're sure you're okay? You're not sleepy?"

Affinity 18: (between 8pm and 5am)

"Do you visit Sinostra very often, {PC}? I see... Oh, no reason. I was just making conversation. Ha ha."

why do you ask that. . .a certain mafioso captain wouldn't happen to be suspicious of you would he. . .or maybe you owe them money. . .or maybe you used to be part of Sinostra and moved to Hotarubi. . . .

Affinity 19: (between 10pm and midnight)

"It's getting late, {PC}. How about we finish this tomorrow? Thank you for keeping me company all this time."

Affinity 20: (between 5am and 11am)

"Oh, I couldn't ask you to come all the way to my room to wake me up—I'd feel terrible. I do very much appreciate the thought, though."

it's okay buddy jin already makes them do it, one more pit stop won't hurt.

Affinity 21: (between 11am and 4pm)

"Oh, hello, {PC}. Sorry, I was actually just on my way out. I should be back by evening—do you mind if we speak then?"

Affinity 22: (between 4pm and 8pm)

"Lyca has seen my message, so why hasn't he responded to it? I hope nothing bad has happened to him..."

Affinity 23: (between 8pm and 5am)

"Lyca will adapt well to human society, I'm sure of it. I'm so relieved that Darkwick chose to trust him. I can't thank you enough for your help."

he really likes Lyca huh? that is his dog.

Affinity 24: (between 10pm and midnight)

"You can't sleep? Then let me tell you some stories. Legend has it that evil spirits appear once you've told a hundred. Now, what number was I up to..."

BOY IS TRYNA GET YOUR ASS HAUNTED.

Affinity 25(max): (no time constraints)

"I don't want to seem like I'm testing you, I just... I get really anxious sometimes... I'm sorry. I'm being weird, aren't I?"

he's the type to ask 'are you sure you love me? are you sure you wanna be with me?' after you get married and move in together and own a house and have two kids with another on the way. he's the hyper anxious 'i'm sorry we disagreed about our favorite colors do you hate me?' friend(affectionate) I wonder though, is he apologizing for seeming like he's testing you because he's using his stigma to see what you've been up to or something. . .? Probably not lol it's more likely he just keeps asking if you like him

Spring: (March-May) (between 5am and 11am)

"There is no time like spring. Everyone seems more relaxed this time of year. It's reassuring to see."

(between 11am and 4pm)

"I have some sakura mochi. I was just about to prepare some tea to go with it—would you like to join me?"

(between 4pm and 8pm)

"They have no control over whether they bloom, and yet they get made a spectacle of nonetheless... Oh, sorry—I was talking about the cherry blossoms."

(between 8pm and 5am)

"There are many different flowers growing in Hotarubi, but I think the wisteria are my favorites. This is the best time to see them, so you should take a walk around."

Summer: (June-August) (between 5am and 11am)

"Hot today, isn't it? It's always raining in Hotarubi, so it does provide a little escape from the blazing summer sun, but... Ha ha. It is very humid, isn't it?"

(between 11am and 4pm)

"Summer makes me think of the ghost story Yotsuya Kaidan. The scene where Oiwa becomes hysterical, having realized her her face has been disfigured— incredible."

Yotsuya Kaidan is one of the best known japanese ghost stories! It's extremely violent, so read the summary at your discretion. The scene in question has Oiwa shown her reflection by her sister's boss to see that the cream she was given by a woman who was in love with her husband was actually some sort of poison that instantly scarred her face. She grabs a sword and goes to kill her, only for her to accidentally slit her own throat.

(between 4pm and 8pm)

"Hotarubi House holds regular festivals during the summer months. If you need a yukata to wear, I'd be happy to pick one out for you."

(between 8pm and 5am)

"I don't mind scary stories, but when that biwa in the tea room started playing by itself, it did make me jump a little..."

slight spoiler, although you can probably figure it out from this but. . .Zenji is a ghost. Subaru currently can't actually see him or hear his voice. . .only Haku, the pc, and, perhaps not so oddly, Towa can afair. All of his youtube content doesn't have him or his voice in it because he can't be recorded by cameras. So Subaru doesn't realize that the biwa playing on its own is actually Zenji playing the biwa.

Autumn: (September-November) (between 5am and 11am)

"The air has gotten crisper, and the leaves are changing color. I know it's only natural for the seasons to shift, so why does it make my heart ache so much?"

(between 11am and 4pm)

"Oh, these? They're some chestnuts I found. I know—I should give them to Sho. I'm sure he'll be able to make something delicious with them."

(between 4pm and 8pm)

"That's another kuchikiri tea ceremony under my belt. It's an annual tradition where one cuts open a tea jar to reveal the tea that was preserved from the first harvest."

(between 8pm and 5am)

"On long autumn nights when the moon is shining beautifully in the sky, it's hard to resist taking a walk outside. Don't stay out until too late though, {PC}."

Winter: (December-February) (between 5am and 11am)

"...Oh, {PC}. Good morning... I had a hard time getting up today. It must be the cold... Ha ha. Not very captain-like, is it?"

Jin, Taiga, and Ed are all prone to not getting out of bed. and Yuri falls asleep on operating tables when he has down time. Trust me Subaru you are perfectly captain-like.

(between 11am and 4pm)

"Today, I'm going to order ingredients from one of my favorite stores so we can all make negima—tuna and scallion—hot pot together. Please, do join us."

(between 4pm and 8pm)

"It's cold out today. I was just thinking about lighting the fire. Would you like to come and warm up with me?"

oh subaru you don't even know how that sounds

(between 8pm and 5am)

"People say winter makes you want to snuggle up with someone, but I find that a good blanket does a much better job."

i agree that blankets are much easier to manage than people lol. probably warmer too.

His birthday: (February 20th)

"A present? For me? Thank you... I didn't expect you to do anything for my birthday, so I'm a little caught off guard. I really appreciate it."

Your birthday:

"Um... Happy birthday.  I really hope this year will be a wonderful one for you."

New Years: (January 1st)

"Happy New Year. I hope I can depend on your guidance and support again this year."

Valentine's Day: (February 14th)

"Chocolate? Oh, It's Valentine's Day, isn't it? Does that mean these are for me...?"

nah i just wanted you to look at them. YES THEY ARE FOR YOU BBY. why would you be showing him chocolate if it wasn't for him! On any day, not just valentine's day!!

White Day: (March 14th)

"These are for you, {PC}. I put in a special order for monaka from my favorite confectioner in Ginza. They're wafers filled with bean jam—I hope you like them."

April Fool's Day: (April 1st)

"Earlier, Haku told me he was switching houses. It gave me a real shock— I'm very relieved that it wasn't true..."

i bet subaru made the most scared kicked puppy face and started apologizing for being such an awful captain and blamed himself for that haku would go to a different house and haku had to quickly explain it was just a prank for fear that subaru might burst into tears.

Halloween: (October 31st)

"Happy Halloween. I know it's nothing special, but I've prepared some treats for the occasion. Oh... But you're more than welcome to play a trick instead."

please don't trick him. april fool's day was hard enough for him.

Christmas: (December 25th)

"Merry Christmas. We already have our New Year decorations up in Hotarubi, so it has a real east-meets-west atmosphere now. I hope everyone is okay with it..."

Idle: (about 20 seconds without interacting with the game) (below 13 affinity)

"Everyone seems busy at the moment. Maybe I should use this opportunity to tidy the garden..."

(13 affinity and above)

"{PC}? Oh... I'm sorry, I didn't mean to disturb you. I was just worried because you were so quiet..."

Absent: (logging in for the first time in 2 or more days?)

"You're back... I'm so relieved. I was worried I'd done something to make you feel uncomfortable..."

this man shakes like a chihuahua 24/7. like you can taste the anxiety coming off of him. i love him. he's so pathetic(affectionate). i wanna squeeze his hand reassuringly and tell him everything's gonna be okay. i wanna hug him and pat his head. i wanna take him places so he learns more about the world outside of working. i wanna watch him do schoolwork excitedly because he's never really gone to school before and it's a new and exciting experience. i want him to experience the most mundane aspects of life with wonder.

good boy. yeah. get him anxiety meds /nodnod

[thefisherqueen]

The Merry Widow (1968) with Jeremy Brett

I've not been a lot on social media lately because of the complete takeover from US'ers (which - understandable, I'm worried and grieved too, but still there are other countries and issues and the way people often neglect to specify they're talking about the US and assume all their readers are in the US too is kind of obnoxious) so I've directed my very limited time and energy towards something which has given me a lot of joy in recent years and is often freely accessable too: old media. I'm making a valliant effort to actually finish Moby Dick and Les miserables and Raffles, I've read the first collection of Arsène Lupin, I'm trying to get into Hercule Poirot (not entirely convinced yet but we'll see), and last weekend I watched The Merry Window movie of 1968, starring Jeremy Brett. It is entirely on youtube here. Not in the best visual or auditory quality, sadly (it has not been remastered yet), but still very watchable.

I went into this without any knowledge of the story or rich history of this operette, only having heard a few fragments of the songs before. And I was so, so entertained throughout, even though I did not understand everything that was going on.

A summary of my prompt research: The Merry Window (Die Lustige Witwe) was composed by Austrian-Hungarian composer Franz Lehár and first performed on stage in 1905 in Wien, running a very succesful row of almost 500 live performances. It has since been adapted both on screen and stage often, even through this very day. The Metropolitian Opera has a comprehensive synopsis on the story on their website, but more fun is this comic.

The basic story goes as follows: the embassy of a small Balkan country (fictional, but likely to be inspired by Montenegro), situated in Paris, is thrown into merry chaos as they learn that a very rich widow originally from the same Balkan country also is residing in Paris. Shenagans and plotting occur to try and convince her to marry one of their countryman, so her sweet sweet money won't leave the country, which is in dire need of it. There's only a problem: the proposed candidate, a count played by Jeremy Brett, already knows the widow, and the two of them have a History. Avoidant behaviour, sassiness, misunderstandings and other delicious drama ensue.

I did not expect the amount of music and songs in this movie. I think 80% or 90% of the script is in song rather than dialogue. Entire performances are shown, during which the plot just stands still, and honestly? I loved it. Modern movies/shows often move too fast for my sluggish autistic brain to keep up with, and this languid tempo just worked well for me. The folk and, I imagine, quite scandalous can-can dances are a joy. I'm usually not that fond of the more classical technique of singing but I found the music here quite gorgeous, too, a delightful mix of classical sound with fun folk elements. Jeremy Brett's rich voice really stood out of me. You can listen to the entire soundtrack here.

Jeremy Brett is a treat to watch in his role as a bit of a playboy, avoiding responsiblities and commitment and feelings of heartbreak by dancing and drinking at a local nightclub each night instead. Not suprisingly for everyone who has seen him in Granada's Sherlock Holmes: he's really excellent at dramatic posing, lounging on surfaces not meant for that, and 'trying to look cool but actually besotted'. There's a lot of humour in the dialogue and performances of the entire cast, too. For example, there's an entire extramarital affair going on right under the nose of an antirely oblivious baron's nose, and it's pretty hilarious. Further example of some funny lines: "What have you been doing lately?" Absolutely nothing!" "Excellent!" Jeremy's rivalry with the widow (played by Mary Costa) is especially a lot of fun, both really sell that part. I really got quite emotional by the final "Love unspoken, faith unbroken..."

There's an interesting background of historical social context to this operette, too: widows in that time enjoyed an amount of financial freedom denied to either unmarried or married women, and watching high class men competing for a woman's money was, I suppose, a nice bit of social commentary. I also really enjoyed a song by a group of men all wondering what they have to offer women if it isn't money - a question, in my opinion, that may be asked more often. The widow using her relative freedom to protect another woman from scandal at the end was rather sweet, too. The story ends, of course, by not upsetting the status quo too much. But it's such a fun ride.

All in all, very much recommended.

[a-spicy-reader]

The meeting at the gym

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT

English is not my first language so sorry for any mistakes

Synopsis:

Jeno always preferred the gym in the late afternoon, when he could focus on his workouts without distractions. However, his peaceful routine is interrupted when he notices Leah, a confident woman dedicated to exercise.

Jeno was at the gym, pushing himself through another intense workout. He preferred to arrive late in the afternoon, when the place was almost empty, allowing him to focus on the routine. This night was no different, with just a few people scattered around the gym. Energizing rap music played in his headphones, fueling determination in him as he moved from one exercise to the next, his muscles burning with the effort.

During one of his sessions, Jeno noticed a woman training on the other side of the room. She was impressive, with a confident air that caught his attention. Her toned body moved with grace and strength as she navigated her routine. Jeno found himself looking at her more often than he'd like to admit. He began timing his workouts to coincide with hers, hoping to muster up the courage to talk to her.

Four days passed and Jeno's curiosity only increased. He watched her lift weights, run on the treadmill, and even stretch, appreciating her dedication. He decided that tonight would be the night he finally performed. When she finished her presentation and went to the water fountain, Jeno saw her chance.

He took a deep breath, wiped the sweat from his forehead and approached her. "Hey," he said, offering a friendly smile. "I've been seeing you around here a lot. You have a pretty intense workout routine."

She looked at him, her eyes meeting his. "Yes, I think so," she replied with a smile. "By the way, my name is Leah."

"Nice to meet you, Leah. My name is Jeno." He held out his hand, which she shook firmly. "Do you mind if I join you for a bit? I could use some tips."

Leah laughed. "Sure, why not? I'm always happy to help a fellow gym-goer."

They spent the next hour working out together, exchanging tips and stories. Jeno was attracted to her confidence and easygoing nature. When they finished the last set, Jeno decided to take a risk.

“Hey, Leah,” he said, his voice a little more serious. "Would you like to get a drink or something after this? I'd love to get to know you better."

Leah raised an eyebrow, a playful smile appearing on her lips. "Sure, Jeno. But I have a better idea. How about we skip the drinks and go to my house? It's right around the corner."

Jeno's heart skipped a beat. "That sounds perfect."

They left the gym together, walking the short distance to Leah's apartment. The tension between them was palpable, an unspoken understanding passing between them. When they arrived, Leah unlocked the door and led Jeno inside.

"Make yourself at home," she said, taking off her shoes. "I'll get us some water."

Jeno nodded, looking around the cozy apartment. It was simple yet elegant, much like Leah herself. She returned with two glasses of water, handing one to him. They sat on the couch, the air thick with expectation.

Leah took a sip of water and placed the glass on the coffee table. "So, Jeno, what brings you to the gym at this time?"

Jeno shrugged, trying to look casual. "I like the silence. Plus, it's a good way to relax after a long day."

Leah nodded, her gaze intense. "I get it. It's my favorite time to work out too."

There was a moment of silence, then Leah approached. "You know, Jeno, I could tell you were watching me the last few days."

Jeno felt a blush creep up his neck. "Was I that obvious?"

Leah smiled. "A little. But I didn't mind. In fact, I thought it was kind of flattering."

Jeno's heart skipped a beat. "Really?"

“Really,” Leah said, her voice dropping to a whisper. "And now that I have you here, I don't want to waste any more time."

She leaned in, capturing his lips in a searing kiss. Jeno responded immediately, his hands going to her waist, pulling her closer. The kiss was hungry, filled with a mutual need that neither of them bothered to hide.

Leah's hands roamed her body, feeling the hard muscles beneath her shirt. Jeno's hands did the same, exploring your curves with a sense of urgency. They separated briefly, both breathing heavily.

"Here?" Jeno asked, looking around the room.

"Here," Leah confirmed, her eyes dark with desire.

Jeno didn't need any more encouragement. He pulled her to the couch, arranging them both so they were sitting. He kissed her body, taking the time to appreciate every inch of her skin. Leah's breath hitched when he reached her core, his mouth hovering just above hers.

He looked at her, their eyes locking. "I want to taste you," he murmured.

Leah's eyes darkened with desire. "So do it."

Jeno didn't wait. He lowered his head, his tongue darting out to taste her. Leah's back arched, a moan escaping her lips as he began to pleasure her with his mouth. The hands Jeno grabbed her thighs, holding her in place as he worked his tongue, exploring every fold and crevice.

Leah's hands went to his hair, tugging gently as she lost herself in the sensation. Jeno's tongue moved expertly, bringing her closer to the edge with each passing second. He could feel her getting wet, her body trembling with anticipation.

"Jeno," she panted, her voice shaking. "I'm so close."

He didn't give up, her movements became more intense as he pushed her closer and closer to her climax. Leah's moans grew louder, her body tensed as she teetered on the edge. With one final, skillful flick of her tongue, he brought her to the edge.

Leah screamed, her body convulsing with pleasure as her orgasm washed over her. Jeno continued to please her, prolonging her climax until she was a trembling, panting mess beneath him. Only then did he pull away, a satisfied smile on his lips.

Leah looked up at him, her eyes still cloudy with pleasure. "Fuck, Jeno. That was amazing."

"I'm not done yet," he replied, his voice full of promise.

He kissed her body back, positioning himself between her legs. Leah opened her thighs wider, inviting him in. Jeno aligned himself with her entrance, his tip teasing her slick folds.

"Prepare?" he asked, his voice husky with need.

"Yes," Leah breathed. "I want you."

Jeno didn't wait any longer. He thrust into her, burying himself deep in her heat. They both moaned at the sensation, the connection between them was electric. Jeno set a steady, intense rhythm, his hips moving with purpose.

Leah's hands gripped her shoulders, her nails digging into her skin. "Fuck, Jeno. You feel so good."

"You're so tight," he moaned, his thrusts becoming harder and more urgent. "So perfect."

Their bodies moved together in perfect harmony, the room filled with the sounds of her pleasure. Jeno's pace quickened, his need for release growing with each passing moment. Leah's moans stimulated him, his body responding to his every touch.

As they got closer to climax, Jeno's thrusts became more frantic, his control slipping. "I'm close," he panted, his voice strained.

"Me too," Leah gasped, her body tensing around him.

With one final, powerful thrust, Jeno reached his peak, pulling out at the last moment to spill his seed into her belly. Leah's orgasm followed almost immediately, her cries of pleasure mixing with his as they rode the waves of her climax together.

Jeno sat back, breathing heavily and covered in a sheen of sweat. Leah was lying beneath him, her chest rising and falling rapidly. "That was...amazing," she said softly.

Jeno smiled, turning his head to look at her. "Yes it was."

They lay there in comfortable silence, their bodies still vibrating from the intensity of the encounter.

Leah stirred, a playful gleam in her eyes. "I think we need a shower," she said, a mischievous smile on her lips.

Jeno smiled. "I think you are right."

They got up from the couch, Leah leading the way to the bathroom. The water cascaded over their bodies, washing away the sweat and tension from their intense training and passionate encounter.

Jeno pressed Leah against the shower wall, his lips finding hers in a heated kiss. The steam enveloped them, increasing the feeling of intimacy. His hands roamed her wet skin, exploring every curve and contour.

Leah moaned into her mouth, her hands sliding down his back to cup his ass, pulling him closer. "Jeno," she whispered, her voice full of desire.

“You’re insatiable,” Jeno joked, biting your neck.

"You loved it," Leah replied, her nails lightly scratching his back.

Jeno's only response was a grunt of approval. He lifted her effortlessly, her legs wrapping around her waist as he positioned himself at her entrance once again. With a slow, deliberate thrust, he entered her again, both of them moaning at the sensation.

The shower only increased their excitement, the hot water cascading over their bodies as they moved together. Jeno held Leah tightly, supporting her weight as he thrust into her, each movement more intense than the last.

Leah's back arched against the cold tile, her hands gripping Jeno's shoulders for support. "Yes, Jeno," she panted, her voice echoing in the small space. "Just like that."

Jeno's grip tightened on your hips, his pace quickening as he felt the familiar pleasure building inside him.

Their bodies moved in sync, the sound of their skin slapping together mixing with the steady pitter-patter of the water. Jeno's thrusts became more urgent, his control slipping as he neared climax.

max. Leah's moans grew louder, stimulating him, her body clenching around him as she reached her peak.

With one final, powerful thrust, Jeno buried himself deep inside her, her release hitting her.

him with an overwhelming intensity. Leah screamed, her orgasm washing over her as she clung to him, her nails digging into his skin. They rode the waves of their climax together, their bodies shaking with the aftershocks.

Jeno placed his forehead against Leah's, both of them panting. "That was…amazing," he murmured, his voice full of wonder.

Leah smiled, her eyes shining with satisfaction. "Yes it was."

They lay there for a moment, letting the water wash over them as they caught their breath. Jeno slowly placed Leah on the floor, his hands on her hips. She looked up at him, a playful glint in her eyes.

"Do you think you can keep up with me, Jeno?" she teased, her lips curling into a mischievous smile.

Jeno chuckled, his hands sliding up to cup her face. "I think I can," he replied, kissing her softly.

They finished their shower, washing each other with gentle, lingering touches. Once they were clean, they went outside and dried themselves, the steam still hanging in the air around them. Leah wrapped herself in a towel, her eyes never leaving Jeno's.

"I don't normally do this," she admitted, a hint of vulnerability in her voice. "But there's something about you, Jeno."

Jeno smiled, reaching out to tuck a strand of damp hair behind his ear. "I feel the same way, Leah. I'm glad we met."

Leah leaned into her touch, closing her eyes briefly. "Me too."

They put it on, and the previous tension was replaced by a new sense of intimacy. Jeno followed Leah into the living room, where they settled on the couch, their bodies still vibrating with the afterglow of their passionate encounter.

Leah snuggled against him, resting his head on her shoulder. "And now?" she asked, her voice soft.

Jeno wrapped his arm around her, holding her close. “Now, we see where this goes,” he said, a smile appearing on her lips. "One day at a time."

Leah smiled, her eyes meeting his. "I like the sound of that."

As the night progressed, they talked about everything and nothing, sharing stories and laughter. The connection they felt was undeniable and Jeno knew this was just the beginning of something special.

The night deepened Jeno and Leah remained entwined on the couch, their breathing synchronized in the comfortable silence that settled over them. The soft glow of the room's lamps casts a warm, intimate light on their relaxed forms.

Jeno looked at the clock on the wall and sighed softly. "I should probably start getting ready to go," he said, his voice tinged with reluctance.

Leah squeezed him tighter, her fingers lightly tracing patterns on his skin. "Do you really need it?" he asked, his tone was a mix of hope and disappointment.

Jeno smiled and ran his fingers through his hair. "Yes, I have an early morning tomorrow. But tonight was perfect, Leah."

Leah nodded, understanding but wishing they had more time together. "It really was. I'm glad I finally talked to you."

"Do you want to meet again?" Jeno asked, his eyes searching for her confirmation.

Leah smiled warmly. "Absolutely. I want to see where this goes."

Jeno leaned in, capturing your lips in a tender, lingering kiss. "Good evening, Leah."

"Good evening, Jeno," she replied, his smile lighting up her face as he walked out into the hallway.

Leah watched her until she disappeared around the corner, then closed the door and leaned against it, a satisfied sigh escaping her lips.

---

The next few days passed in a blur of anticipation. Jeno and Leah texted each other constantly, their conversations were filled with fun banter and shared excitement about their upcoming date. Finally, they agreed to meet again at Leah's apartment, eager to pick up where they left off.

When Jeno arrived at Leah's house, the sun was beginning to set, casting a warm, inviting glow over the city. Leah greeted him at the door, her eyes shining with excitement.

"Hey," she said, pulling him into a hug. "In between."

Jeno followed her inside, feeling the familiar rush of excitement upon noticing her presence. They settled on the couch, the same place where their intimacy had begun.

"So what have you been up to?" Leah asked, her eyes fixed on his.

"I'm just thinking about you," Jeno admitted with a smile. "And counting the days until I can see you again."

Leah laughed softly, her cheeks flushing with heat. "I've been thinking about you too."

They talked for a while, sharing stories and laughs, the bond between them growing stronger with each passing moment. As the conversation calmed down, Leah stood up and

stretched out his hand.

"Let's take this to the bedroom," she suggested, her voice full of anticipation.

Jeno's heart skipped a beat as he took her hand and followed her

[spaceorphan18]

Every time I've heard someone say and defend the idea that Colin wasn't into and in love with Penelope, it has always, always ended up being their own issues with them finding Penelope undesirable as a love interest. They can believe he's more into the girls at the brothel because they fit their own idea of what a woman should look like.

Their perception is the problem and it's a lot easier to handwave it away and place the blame on Colin and/or Luke because delving deeper into what it might mean to them personally makes them uncomfortable.

Perhaps we could say some people simply find the brothel scene, where we see nothing of Colin and these women other than some mild aggression (which is often equated with passion), more intriguing than the actual feelings of love and passion he has for Penelope but, again, I've never seen or heard anyone not end up reducing to their looks (for both characters).

For the most part, Nonny, I do agree with you. There are some weird, weird body-shaming/issues when it comes to Polin, and I do think that most of the time, you are exactly right -- it is about the fact that Penelope doesn't look like your typical female love interest. And that makes people uncomfortable.

In the case of my coworker, however, it landed differently. The tone of the conversation was more directed at Luke and his acting skills. And implying possible subconscious unprofessionalism (?) in that his acting was 'better' in the brothel scenes because he found the actresses more attractive than Nicola.

(As an aside, she adores Nicola, and found no issue with Penelope or Nicola's performance.)

And the thing that just gets me is that -- listening to a lot of Luke's solo interviews (there are a couple of really good podcasts and radio interviews which are great) he talks so passionately about the work he does, and the effort he puts into his roles. And seeing an actor outside their work, and seeing them in different projects (I really haven't seen Luke in anything other than snippets of other things but...) you get to see how there are lines between characters and actors. Layered onto that the amount of close range meta I've been doing on Colin and just -- Luke has sooo much going on.

Even in the years he's been on Bridgerton, he's grown as an actor and it's really kind of been remarkable to watch. And, I mean, let's be honest -- saying this as someone who loves Season 3, Colin got the short end of the writing stick, and Luke had to do a lot of heavy lifting with his story.

So, for someone to call it emotionless. And not see that work being put in? Just feels - kinda shitty.

And I guess, this next thing not being my employee's fault, is this layered fandom baggage that's coming along with this conversation. Yes - everything you said up above. But all the people who are shitting on Luke (and Nicola) for a variety of stupid reasons, as well as people swinging too far the other way and claiming it's not acting at all (because they're in love or whatever). And it's so disingenuous to him (them). And his (their) craft.

These guys are professional actors. They're good at their jobs. And it's just a shame to me when people can't see that and appreciate that.

But that's just me.

[raeniskaies]

why it is important to socially rest ♡

- as you may have noticed , I have been inactive for 14 days , aka 2 weeks . This is because I socially rested & I recommend you should too . .

001 , what do I mean by " socially resting " ??

- what I mean by socially resting is by taking a break from social media and focusing on yourself. It should be necessary especially if you like to post on social media .

002 , why is it necessary ??

- if you post on social media , you often recognise that it must take a lot of time and effort to do so. I find it fun and nice , making cute guides for my angelic followers ( you guys !! ) but it becomes unbearable to do for a long period ; it burns you out.

interacting on socials for a long time can also affect your attention span , damage your mental health ( depends ) & cause you to procrastinate ( some of the things you want to avoid ) !!

003 , what can you do whilst socially resting ?

- you can perform sports & hobbies , focus on your studies , interact with family and friends , go on trips etc etc ! it is not impossible to do these whilst using socials but it is easier when not.

004 , are there any benefits from socially resting ??

- the benefits I've gotten from socially resting is being able to do daily activities without worrying about posting + notifications. My sleep schedule has improved more & I felt a bit more " free " ^^

005 , conclusion ㅡ extra things you want to know

- you don't need to feel forced to post on your account or interact with anyone , as well as you don't need to feel forced to take breaks when not wanted. you can rest for as long as you want to + post again whenever as well ! in my opinion , take a break from tiktok and go out with your friends , it's way more enjoyable !

[stoopid-turtle]

made-up thoughts about dd's thoughts

Hi there! I warned y'all that I might post more and I've been watching SDC so I wanted to compile my massive load of DD thoughts. Apparently, I think about dd a lot.

I've struggle with how to organize these thoughts because they're so scattered and there are just a whole bunch of them. So I decided to center them around moments I think about a lot. Not necessarily fun dd moments, though some of them are fun. But just...moments that I feel tell me a lot about dd.

As a disclaimer, I'm making up a bunch of nonsense about dd as a person, but I don't actually know him and you shouldn't take anything I say seriously. I'm very likely to be wrong about most of it. In fact, if dd somehow managed to read this humble post, he would probably roll his eyes. And you know what? It would be an honor for him to have done so.

There'll be a few posts. There are three others in drafts right now, though I may combine two of them. We'll see. But I'm starting out with this one just because it was done first.

I'm at around ep 8 of SDC4, and I think the only way to watch subtitled versions of SDC5 are by downloading an app that Google won't let me download because of region restrictions (and then paying a subscription fee). Needless to say, I probably won't be able to watch SDC5 anytime soon. :(

(those episodes are sooooo looonnngggg)

There's an episode in SDC4 when the captains have picked 4 leaders to start off their teams. They put together a rehearsal battle to show the other contestants the captain's style and help make decisions during the next recruitment segment.

DD picks 4 top dancers as his leaders. These are fantastic dancers, specifically battle dancers. And they do horribly in the rehearsal battle because they're not used to dancing routine, there are no choreographers so while their performance was highly technical, it wasn't really entertaining or meaningful, and the team itself just didn't cohere because these are all people who specialize in battling alone.

DD has a little meltdown while his team loses, and it's kinda uncomfortable to watch. He says in a debrief with his team afterward that he's one of those people that likes winning (which, yeah, duh, DD).

I think a lot about DD's initial strategy. It seems straightforward. Get the best dancers. Have the best team. Work hard. Win.

DD's not a deep thinker. I don't mean he's stupid, because he's actually pretty smart and quick to pick up on things. But he just doesn't see the need to introspect or dwell on things. He strikes me as the type of person who might go through some difficult event and come out the other side wanting to just move on because, "It's in the past. Why bother thinking about it?"

(I think he is getting more introspective as he gets older, as evidenced with his performance of Like the Sunshine. I think that's typical as one ages though)

I'm also struck by the feedback he gives as a captain. He usually makes pretty detailed comments about the technical aspects of the dance, and sometimes, with the more thematic pieces, he'll just outline the story of it. He's pretty literal and straightforward in his thinking.

In any case, dd stands out among the captains for his emphasis on winning. The captains of the other teams cultivate a family atmosphere and often make an effort to emphasize having fun over winning (dd emphasizes fun...as long as his team is winning). The other captains will break down in tears when they have to eliminate dancers, and they'll give nothing but praise to the dancers.

DD is the prototypical "not here to make friends" competitor (though he does actually make friends). One of the most common comments dd gets from dancers or judges is that he works really hard and is a perfectionist with his technical performance. (As a fangirl, I love hearing other people remark on how impressive dd is. I'm all like, "Damn right, that's my bb!"). Dd has high expectations of himself and of the dancers in his team, and he'll criticize the dancers if he feels they fell short.

It's not mean-spirited but it is blunt and is something that the other captains don't do. DD will point out mistakes and be outspoken when he's disappointed with a performance. He also doesn't cry when he has to eliminate someone. He obviously doesn't like doing it, and I do think his style of doing it quickly without the anxiety of drawing it out is kinder. But it also fits in with his decisive, direct way of doing things.

I think about this all in connection with the bts of gg saying he prefers men without makeup. DD gets incredibly defensive, misconstruing what gg's saying as a slight against idols. It's a funny bts, because gg's clearly trying to pay dd a compliment, but dd doesn't even realize this because he's so caught up in defensiveness.

But the defensiveness tells us that dd's felt belittled and looked down on for his idol background, I think especially in some of his hobbies and other activities. Professional dancing, motorcycling racing, skateboarding. His being an idol has made people not take him seriously (I think that's what happened at the beginning of SDC3 when dd got the fewest towels of all the captains from the start).

I think that can be frustrating because dd's initial interest as a teen boy was dancing. I don't know all the decision-making that went into him going off to get trained by Yuehua as an idol, but doing so ironically made it harder for him to get respect from the professional dancers that he admires.

That's why dd works so damn hard, often to the point of overwork. He's demanding of his team just as he's demanding of himself. This is a guy who puts himself into the hospital with how much he works (and then forgets about it afterward). He's wearing himself out in trying to prove himself, and I'm glad that he recently actually took a day off when he was sick. GG's a good influence.

This all takes us to another DD moment, one that is more fun to watch, and that is dd's whole thing with the waacker, Xiao Bao. During a battle, Xiao Bao touches the back of dd's head, and dd immediately stands up and grabs Xiao Bao, keeping a hold of him even as he tries to dance away. Then there's some minor waacking and, um, lip-licking from dd.

When asked at hotpot, dd explains that he was trying to get Xiao Bao to run out his time by keeping a hold of him so he couldn't dance. By touching him, Xiao Bao had challenged dd and dd responded according to street dance rules. DD seems confused by others' confusion because it's self-explanatory to him.

It is just...so very dd to be so single-minded about a thing that he doesn't even realize how incredibly gay it looked. Just, immensely fantastically gay. (I'll get back to this in another post, but I'm focusing elsewhere here)

Honestly, he's sometimes come across as being on the spectrum, though that may well be me overidentifying with some traits. But he has his special interests and while he may be generally quiet, he will start happily rambling if asked about motorbikes or legos or skateboarding (or if plopped down next to gg). He's incredibly fidgety and has a weird thing with stroking tassels.

I know people on the spectrum are more often associated with sensitivity to lights and noise, but there is variation in that. Some folks tend towards the opposite and end up being thrill-seekers.

Some of his mannerisms and social interactions ping me as spectrum-y. During the "JC's fake butt" bts conversation with the rest of the cast, gg characterizes dd as the type to bluntly go up to JC and ask him about the fake butt. He's probably not wrong.

In the bts, dd also has several moments of not being properly romantic by gg's standards or of being a little mean to gg and then apologizing later. This may be more of a young man thing than a spectrum thing, though. IME, guys that age are more prone to that sort of thoughtless behavior than guys who are older.

In any case, dd's reputation as aloof is surface-deep, as seen when he's comfortable with people. He's able to joke and play around with others once he warms up to them. I know gg is often seen as uniquely able to soften dd up, and I do think dd is distinctly more affectionate/playful with gg. But it's a difference in degrees. DD also seems comfortable with the other DDU hosts, with his UNIQ brothers, sometimes with the other SDC captains (though not as often), with certain dancers (like Bouboo and Yang Kai).

Heck, Yang Kai even lampshades this in SDC S4. The captains are recruiting their team members and they send gifts to the dancers to woo them. Even though Yang Kai is a definite joiner on dd's team, dd sends him a framed photo of the two of them from Yang Kai's win the previous season. He also gifts Yang Kai a charm for his newborn son. Yang Kai is touched and he comments that he wouldn't expect these gifts from dd because dd just doesn't express his emotions like this usually. (I wonder if dd had some help in choosing the gifts, because all his gifts are incredibly thoughtful in a very uncharacteristic way (sorry, dd))

So, yeah, I have so many thoughts about how dd shows him feelings. I'm not super-attached to the autism spectrum thing, so don't take it too seriously. Hell, don't take any of this seriously. I've never met the guy. I'm just wildly extrapolating from translated glimpses of him.

[unpersoniverse]

I don't know if I was desperate for a little silly serotonin boost, if I am too unserious or if people are just straight up haters to everything but like...

I swear the ATLA la is not nowhere as bad as many are making it to be, like, this isn't a carbon copy of the og series, nothing will ever top of ATLA and if you wanted it to be the same just go watch the show again?

I've watched ATLA so many times in my life, it's my comfort show as much as yours. But the live action isn't the cartoon, that I understood right away. And of course it has a lot of flaws (and tbh I blame today's way of media consumption at that, trying to squish complex storylines in the least time possible, and also mainstream media performative activism but that's a war for another day) but as a stand alone thing I thought it was pretty solid? I felt like the essence of the show was brought to justice after the unspeakable movie. It felt familiar, at least to me idk.

I don't think this was for the fans honestly, it's been 19 since the og aired. Many things in the world have changed but many are still the same, I think this series was meant more to catch onto the new generations and public. I'm giving you a personal example but I've always recommended the show to everyone I know and despite all my efforts, there are still A LOT of people who disregard animation as something only for kids and wouldn't see it (boludos pero bue) and guess what? They're seeing the live action, and they love it.

Also the fact that there's a show with a cast of mainly asian and native-american actors at last? sign me tf up.

Overall, even if I didn't like some changes they made I still enjoyed it and mostly I want this series to succeed. Mainly because the ATLA story is always going to be relevant, even if it is fantasy it has the representation about people and feelings we don't often see in things. (like, as a girl from a south american country, seeing stories about fighting colonial and imperialists little shits are always gonna hit close home)

Don't get me wrong, it is completely valid if you didn't like the live action. Criticism is great, we need it a lot actually if there's going to be a S2.

But saying is straight up shit and garbage (even before seeing it) just because it's not a frame to frame copy and then go online complaining making 5839 posts about it? Grow up.

[fangs-claws-paws]

Idea dump

I have a lot of ideas that have been bouncing around for years in my head that while they have vague stories attached to them, I seriously doubt I'm going to actually write fics about. So in an effort to help organize them and just get the idea out there, I'm gonna try just posting the concepts so they don't get forgotten in the recesses of my mind. Mind you this post is just going to be about one, but I might do more later on if I feel like it. Putting below the cut because it is adult in nature

Hermaphrodite space marines

This one has probably the best chance of becoming a fic at some point, but I also I've only had chapter 1 written for years now so I guess we'll see.

General premise: The Emperor made it so space marines could self-propagate in case of lack of recruitment worlds or other issues regarding recruitment, but in such a limited way that they couldn't survive off it, by making it so space marines have both penis and vagina. Periods where they're fertile are extremely far apart, ended early by any stimuli that triggers their fight or flight response, and only for brief periods, before these periods of fertility a space marine experience "heat". Mind you, when I say heat, it isn't as what's seen in common a/b/o fics where it means mindless lust, it simply means the space marine is more easily aroused and interested in sexual activities, which isn't something normally seen among space marines.

The dual genitalia are implanted usually during the last round of gene-seed implantation, and shortly after the space marine experiences a heat as the body adapts to the new anatomy. During first heat space marines are not bred, both to allow the body to adjust to just having the parts, as well as due to increased risk of when the child is born that the space marine will become attached to the child and resist separation. After first heat passes the space marine is fully inducted in and things go as normal.

Randomly, a handful of space marines are selected to perform their duty as carriers and pulled from whatever duty they're on and returned to the fortress monastery. There the space marines are kept until they begin to experience heat symptoms, at which point they are paired up with another space marine who was selected for them based on likelihood of producing offspring that will best survive with the chapter's geneseed. Once the space marine is confirmed pregnant they are retained in the fortress monastery, under constant observation by apothecaries, until they give birth. Space marines in labor are heavily restrained and partially drugged to reduce risk of the space marine becoming attached to the child he births.

If the child is born alive and without serious deformities, it is raised completely separate from normal aspirants, though the end is the same in becoming a space marine. They are never told who their parents were, though by adulthood they are aware how they were created. Information on parentage is maintained by librarians, who helps ensure there isn't any inbreeding occurring along with helping choose space marine breeding pairings to have the best chance for living offspring. Librarians do not have access to their own list of offspring or, if they were a space marine created through the breeding project, who their parents were.

Post-heresy hermaphrodite space marines are not normally seen on either side. The Imperial space marines phased them out due to concerns about chaos using it as a way to corrupt a chapter from the inside out. In chaos, those who did not get themselves sterilized chemically or through physical means were often taken as slaves that found themselves chained up and forced to do nothing but get bred and give birth, some having been forced to live as nothing but livestock so long that they struggle to speak and understand high or low gothic. There are a rare few fertile hermaphroditic space marines that are free, but they escaped the more common fate by very quickly amassing power and connections so that one would have to be a fool to try anything without their express permission.

A handful of Imperial chapters also maintain a few hermaphroditic space marines, these are mostly fleet-based chapters and those that don't follow the Codex Astartes. At most there are three in these chapters, and most of the chapter is unaware of their existence, with only the chapter master and a few special selected apothecaries knowing. They are usually kept in the most secure location for that chapter, whether that be a fortress monastery, or a flagship. How they are kept also varies chapter to chapter, with some isolated into private rooms with no knowledge of life outside the room, while others may live in a common room with the few others like them. If they do share a common room then usually the penis is rendered sterile through chemicals or castration, to ensure no unplanned breedings occur. Those kept in private rooms usually have one or two human attendants who were hand-picked for the task, ensuring the space marine is fed and given some social interaction.

The Imperial hermaphroditic space marines also still undergo regular training and hypno-training to ensure that, should the worst happen and the flagship or fortress monastery get invaded, they are still capable of defending themselves.

[studentbyday]

oops! i did it again. lessons from this school year...

Hey, you remember that post I made about my winter term priorities? HAHAHAHAHahaha ha ha. That plan totally went to shit, but it's all part of the journey, right? 😅 (Tbh, it's quite difficult to make a conscious effort to change yourself when the default response to being and feeling busy is to go on autopilot -> all the unconscious habits, even if unhealthy, take control, and bc it's unconscious, you don't realize it until it gets quite bad! anyway! no more! my future plans make it so this will be impossible to do while still retaining some sense of sanity. so to prep, we're gonna slowly implement little changes so hopefully it's not so overwhelming that i give up)

🧘🏻‍♀️ comparing mindsets in fall and winter term

Fall term was not that bad bc I had 2 STEM subjects I really really loved and was interested in (biochem and mol bio 💕), and despite their difficulty, that love and interest and the feeling that "I am in the right field for me" kept me positive. There were times I thought I would feel burnout symptoms if I wasn't careful, but I really think that positivity protected me from the worst of it.

Winter term, however...I had one favorite subject: moral philosophy, which led to me wistfully dreaming about an AU in which I double majored in philosophy and piano performance, lol. After the highs of biochem and mol bio and the natural ease with which the bits of info flowed together in those subjects, I did not enjoy pharmacology or the 2nd half of psyc as much -> loss of interest -> negativity and feeling like I'm in the wrong field bc how dare I not like pharmacology (or psychology) as much as the other life science-y subjects when it's really so important for us to survive and thrive! 😅 I mean, there were times I could get that spark from pharmacology or psyc, but it wasn't often enough or intense enough to keep me consistently inspired throughout the semester. The feeling of "maybe I don't have what it takes and I'm in the wrong field" was compounded by the re-realization that there's sm to know of bioinformatics and I struggle to know any of it! Persevering is important, but it's harder to persevere with a negative mindset.

😤 what went wrong this school year and what i learned from it

I still struggle with perfectionism (and bc of it, procrastination). While it might not be as bad as it was in high school, I still spent too long on assignments that weren't worth much and during finals season, was so scared of getting less than 90% just to keep up my A+ streak. Like, I'm pretty sure no one who cares to know your GPA cares about whether you have an A+ streak or not. I have too high a threshold for what is a "disappointing" grade. I also struggle with deep regret about how I haven't mastered everything they throw at us in each course... definitely an unrealistic expectation, especially as the proportion of new info to absorb increases with each course. I did what I could using what I knew to do, so it is what it is. I may find ways to make improvements and learn more, but I won't beat myself up for not having known to do those things in the past.

Did not use effective study methods. Since first year, my problem has been keeping up with the readings and my solution has been to just use typed outline notes. It worked for the first few years when it was mostly review from previous courses with a few new concepts in between. But as I progress through my degree, the proportion of completely new info is increasing. This notetaking method won't work anymore bc it just causes cognitive overload, especially during exam season (when I've mostly forgotten the details of everything that isn't smth I've already known for years). E.g. for pharmacology, I got so bogged down by the details of all the drug classes that I didn't see the big picture and so didn't organize the info according to it. This made it hard to see patterns and better chunk the info. I was so stressed during finals season bc of this (and the sheer amount of notes that I had to read for psyc 😭). What makes it feel like even more of a problem is that the cognitive overload problem from my notetaking method has been a thing for all other uni courses thus far, it's just that pharmacology was the first time I needed to create a stronger connecting thread between the otherwise disparate pieces of info (drug classes). In all other courses, that thread was part of the nature of the topic being studied so I eventually understood it as I kept going and mentally re-organized it in my brain...but even then it was hodge-podge and so my depth of mastery was and is so flimsy, and every semester I leave feeling drained and like I wasted the opportunity to maximize my learning. (How dramatic I get about this is also probably tied to my perfectionism, but I still think it would greatly benefit future me to change my notetaking style.)

🎓 advice for future me

Look at the academic calendar, specifically the faculty course descriptions. Look at how many hours they say you should expect to spend on each activity in the course. Try to use those learning hours as a guide for your schedule so that you don't spend too long on an item that isn't worth much. If there isn't such a breakdown, assume one based on whatever they give you or other courses and adjust from there.

Be a more efficient reader by skimming the text first so you can map the flow of info in a way that best creates ease of understanding/synthesis/memory (e.g. via an outline, tree diagram, flowchart, mind map, or simple drawings - and noticing when a list/outline will NOT be helpful bc it'll just be too overwhelming and not easy to compare/contrast info and see patterns). I knowww you've survived thus far without doing it this way and done well, BUT with this many courses, the increasing complexity of each subject, and the overload of info in each, you WILL need to do this to make quicker work of the readings, save you sooo much stress during exam seasons, and improve how much you learn while in school which is the real goal you've wanted to achieve all this time. Don't repeat the mistake you made in pharmacology. And it really doesn't have to be aesthetic and you definitely should NOT get caught up with it if you really wanna learn. You could just use one color for everything and a highlighter and just basic shapes/lines - that alone can be way more effective than boring paragraphs/lists or a colorful, overly complex diagram that'll just distract you from the main point.

Create a realistic daily routine (wake-up and sleep times, start and end times for schoolwork) and be strict about following it. Set your non-negotiables for personal goals to keep up with alongside your schoolwork bc academics aren't everything. Remember how you regretted not devoting more time to extra-curriculars and other skills in high school which would've rounded you out as a person. You can try theming the parts of the day so that you don't have to think about what task you should do first after study breaks and keep up the momentum (e.g. mornings for readings and notes, afternoons for active recall/homework). Then you can live the rest of the day after school as structured or unstructured as you wish. If this strategy doesn't work for you, you don't have to use it.

Take advantage of interleaving so you don't get bored. Whether by following the theming strategy or just switching subjects every hour, idc if you aren't done yet, you better switch bc the second consecutive hour of the same thing is never as effective as the first.

[actuallyvady]

Tag game!

I have been tagged in a thing by @tibialtybalt !

Last song: uh... Locus, from the FFXIV Heavensward soundtrack (I found a playlist that is every FFXIV OST on Spotify, and it is the music I put on when I drive, lol. I have some songs I play on purpose, but the last song I listened to was whatever happened to be on when I got home yesterday, lol)

Favorite color: this shouldn't be a difficult question, lol, but it kind of is? When I was little it was green. I have no memory of deciding this, in my earliest memories I already had gifts in green because it was my favorite color. And I continued to use that answer for years, but I'm not actually sure it's true anymore? It might be grey, or if you think that doesn't count, then orange.

Last book: ... I don't read often. I think the last one I read was This Is How You Lose The Time War. If you're not familiar with it, go read it. Like... now.

Last movie: the other day I sat down and watched White Christmas with my family. It's always been a holiday favorite for the snappy dialogue, great music, and the performances-- mostly Danny Kaye, really, but they're all great. As I've grown older (and more cognizant of such things), I don't love it as much, like... thematically. But it's still fun.

Last TV show: that's a really good question. I don't watch much unless I'm sitting down with other people to watch things. Does Critical Role count? I'm not sure, otherwise.

Sweet/spicy/savory: Depends on the food, and my mood at the time.

Relationship status: I'm ace AF and also in a polycule with my bigender girl/boyfriend and his long-time partner, lol

Last thing I googled: "imdb nick boraine" bc I saw him chatting with someone on bluesky and wanted to be sure I was making the correct assumption about why

Current obsession: Have you heard of the critically acclaimed MMORPG Final Fantasy XIV? With an expanded free trial which you can play through the entirety of A Realm Reborn and the award-winning Heavensward, and thrilling Stormblood expansions up to level 70 for free with no restrictions on playtime

Looking forward to: we've got a full alliance raid ready to attempt the new Chaotic Cloud of Darkness, though we'll be starting a couple of weeks after it drops bc they are releasing it on Christmas Eve for some godforsaken reason

It says to tag 10 people and idk if I know 10 people to tag but here's a few: @crownofthistles @kyriea @thesem @illwynd @onheil-ferguson @fancykraken

(no pressure, just figured I should make an effort to continue the game, lol)

[cornbake]

Headcanons of Grog, Pike, Scanlan, Percy, Vex, Keyleth, and Vax being surprised by their quiet friend because they didn't notice them at all! Said friend is just that quiet, not because they're being mischievous.

I've never done headcannons so I hope I did this right lmao ALSO I'M NOT DEAD. I sure feel like it lmao. Had a very long string of bad luck, as I'll put it, but thankfully it's gotten a little better. GROG - Grog is big and loud, two of his main characteristics. You where the exact opposite, small and quiet. - Despite being his opposite, Grog loved you dearly. In fact, he almost preferred it. If you were just like him you would only be his competition, which wouldn't work because he didn't want to hurt you. - Yet a problem tends to arise when he's a little to loud to hear his lingering shadow. - Most of the time it would take several tries before you could even get his attention. - "Oh! When did you get here?" - He would be a little shocked to hear you have been with him the whole time but would be glad to know you where here with him to cheer him on at his drinking games. PIKE

- Pike enjoys your company, it's so different from most of the others that it's nice to have some time with someone that's not nearly screaming every five minutes. - You both would sit to pray to your deities, many long nights together in silence. - At least that's how the nights usually went. Pike was a lot louder when it came to the day and the rest of Vox. - You can't blame her, her best friend is Grog after all. - So when someone as light footed as you happened to stick around the two cheerfully out spoken fighters it usually resulted in a screaming match, or a shriek if it was just Pike. - "Oh man! You sure got me good that time!!" - She found it more as a game, laughing it off with you. - You tend to make it your goal to keep spooking her as she tries to catch you before you can. SCANLAN - Much like his barbarian buddy he was loud and boy was he proud. - He loved to be in the spot light and loved all the attention from it. - You didn't mind that the spotlight was one him, at least it wasn't on you. - Anytime you did aproach him after a performance of his. He would have eyes and word on the others. Which might be why he didn't see you. - "Gah! Wha- How did you-? (Y/N)! You gotta stop sneaking up to me like that!" - You would just laugh and hand him a drink as he tries to stay grumpy at you, failing horribly. PERCY

- You preferred to stay in the shadows. Not for the same reasons as Vax but it was something that often made Percy feel unsettled. - He would try and cox you out into the light, as an attempt to show you it wasn't all that bad. Despite his efforts, he still found you stalking him and the party in the darker areas. - Even though he knew you were there he would always get a little spooked by your watchful gaze. It was never angry or sorrowful, but more curious and cautious. - He hoped you wouldn't use that to your advantage one day. Or at least not in the way the other would. - He can't tell you how many time he has nearly jumped out of his skin when he sees you. - "I'm going to have to get you a bell..." - "But then that would ruin the point of stealth." - "A bell for around the keep, or my hair will turn whiter than it is now." VEX - She was a hunter, a tracker, no one can out best her eyes. Well, maybe save her brother.... Okay, not even him. - She could see anyone or thing coming from a mile. From dragons to imps, nothing can get the jump on her. - Okay, MOSTLY nothing can get the jump on her. YOU on the other hand just seem to be able to sneak around her senses. - Getting an unexpected light tap on her shoulder was a shock to her, so much so she was ready for a fight. - Thankfully your friendly face was enough for her to lower her bow and take a moment. - "How on this green dirt did you get there?" - "Hmm? Oh! I just walked!" - "That's not- nevermind, what did you need darling?" - So maybe she can't track everything. But you are always a welcomed exception. KEYLETH - Keyleth herself was rather quiet, have moments of quiet to be with nature. - You often admired her Disney Princess like presence finding yourself watching her as she take her times of rest. - It was your moment of rest as much as it was hers, lasting as long as it took for her to spot you. - "AH! Oh! Hello! Oh my god, you scared me!" - "Oh- sorry Keyleth, just getting you to say dinner is made, wouldn't want Grog to take everything again now would we?" - Laughing she stood to make her way to the kitchen, telling you she'd save you a plate as you go to get the others. VAX - Vax, the one that kisses the shadows. HE is the one that sneaks up on people. Making them frighten for their lifes. - He dances with the night and dresses with the dark. - The rouge of Vox. The stealthy assassin. The one you see one second too late. - But that tends to not matter if he cant see what sneaks up on HIM. - He is honestly jealous that you got blessed with such a light foot. Might have to ask you for your secrets later. - Much like his sister he is ready to attack the unknown presences before he places an armed hand to his heart. - "My god feather, you've got to tell me next time you decide to follow me!" - He liked to call you feather after the first few times you happened to spook him. In his words, "You are as light as a feather, and just as pretty as one too."

[lucy90712]

Road to recovery- Part 6

masterlist After going to Pablo's place last week he's been really busy with physio at the club so we haven't talked quite as much which has been kind of a good thing as it has allowed me to process what happened when I left his. Sure a kiss on the cheek is probably normal to some people but with Pablo it really threw me off as I've realised that I have feelings for him but of course we are just friends so all of the things that the kiss made me feel I need to bury them deep down and forget about them. Having a few days with less contact has helped me to push away my feelings as I'm not being reminded of them as often. Today however Pablo is coming over to my place as it's on his way home and don't get me wrong I'm happy to see him but I'm a bit nervous as I don't know if I'll make things awkward. 

Last night I made my brother help me tidy my apartment as I have been slacking a bit with cleaning as its quite hard for me to run the hoover around and reach certain shelves to put things back or dust. The place definitely isn't fully clean but it's better than it was and I know Pablo won't really care it was more just for me. This morning I also realised I don't have much food or at least not healthy food so I had to drag myself to the nearest store to get some things which was more difficult than I anticipated but I made it home in one piece eventually. By the time I got home I was already exhausted as it takes a lot of effort to walk anywhere now and because I'm not training everyday I'm not as fit as I was a few months ago. 

Before Pablo arrived I took some time to lay down but I didn't get long as it took me so long to get to and from the store. I had about 15 minutes before the buzzer to my apartment went off and I allowed Pablo in before texting him to tell him I'd come down and meet him as my apartment isn't the easiest to find. When I made it to the lobby Pablo was waiting for me with a big smile on his face and something in his hand which he handed to me telling me it was a smoothie from this place he likes to go to sometimes after training. I thanked him and after I tasted the smoothie per his request we made our way up to my apartment.

As we walked in I locked the door behind us but when I turned round Pablo had disappeared from my sight. It didn't take me long to find him though because as soon as I turned the corner into the living room he was stood looking at some of the pictures I have hanging up. He was looking at the collage of pictures I have up which has a mixture of pictures of me with my friends and family and some of me from competitions mostly from when I was younger. I don't look at the pictures that much as I'm used to them being here so I forget that other people find it interesting to look at childhood photos. 

"How old were you in this picture?" Pablo asked looking at a picture of me receiving a medal at a competition while being surrounded by girls much taller than me

"I think I was 9 or maybe just turned 10 but the other girls were mostly 12 or 13" I said 

"Wow and you beat them all" he commented 

"Yeah pretty much since I started gymnastics I've been competing against girls much older than me" I explained 

"Thats so amazing you'll have to show me some videos of you doing gymnastics" he said 

"I can do that I have loads of videos on my laptop as I always have to analyse my performances afterwards" I said 

He looked at a few other pictures and made fun of how I would have my hair in two little pigtails pretty much at all times when I was little even when I didn't have much hair to put up. After he was done laughing at me I grabbed my laptop and let him pick some videos of my recent competitions for us to watch. He was so enthralled by all of the videos after every one he asked me to tell him what I was doing as we watched it again. I loved that he was taking such an interest as I know he doesn't really know anything about gymnastics but he was making an effort to learn and that means a lot as most people I meet don't seem to care at all. He wanted to know all about what it's like at a competition and how the scoring works so he could get as much of a full experience as possible without actually going to a competition. 

Since we've met I've been watching a lot more football and I've watched some compilations of Pablo playing too because I felt like I should know more and I was curious. I must say despite my lack of knowledge Pablo seems like an excellent player and hopefully one day I can see him play in person. I have never been into football or really watched much as I have always training or at competitions on weekend and when I wasn't I was always at my brothers races so it's never something that crossed my mind. While watching I tried to make sense of the rules but there were just some things that made no sense to me so I asked Pablo while we were talking about our sports. He did his best to explain everything and he told me more about his team so I knew who everyone was for when I next watch a game. 

We did other things for a while until Pablo told me that Barcelona were playing in the champions league so we put the game on and started watching it together. It didn't take long before I saw how truly passionate about football Pablo is because straight away he was shouting at the team and he got so annoyed when they conceded. I tried my best to offer a more positive outlook as Pablo kept saying the team were going to lose but it didn't help so I just watched. As the match progressed I got increasingly tired but I wanted to stay awake and watch the game; Pablo must've noticed this as he pulled me into his side and leaned my head against his shoulder to allow me to rest a bit. As we kept watching I rested my eyes a few times but I was always woken up again by Pablo but it was ok because the entire time he was tracing shapes on my side which was really relaxing.

The match eventually ended with a loss for Barcelona so Pablo wasn't happy but I tried my best to cheer him up and eventually I got him smiling and laughing again. Once he was happy we avoided talking about sports for a while instead we watched tiktoks until we were both laughing our asses off which really lightened the mood. Pablo's laugh is so infectious that once he started laughing I couldn't help myself and then we were done for we didn't stop laughing for a good 10 minutes. When we finally stopped we had to take a few minutes to each catch our breath and just calm down. 

"Have you ever been to a football match?" Pablo asked breaking the silence 

"No I haven't" I replied 

"Well I was going to watch the teams next home game this weekend would you want to come with me?" He asked 

"I'd love to but only if it's not a problem and you want me to" I said 

"Of course I want you there it will be fun I want to bring you to your first football game" he said 

"I suppose if I'm going to attend a football match it might as well be with a professional player" I laughed 

"Good I'll come and pick you up before the match and we'll go together and you can meet the rest of the boys" he said 

The thought of meeting the rest of Pablo's teammates is already making me anxious but I'm excited to go to a game in person and with Pablo who I know is dying to go and be with his friends it should be a fun night. 

[yuzurujenn]

[2024.05.31] FaOI Aichi - 2024 Show Guide · Latest Interview with Yuzuru Hanyu

I can’t fully express myself with just one program

This will be Yuzuru Hanyu's second appearance at Fantasy on Ice as a professional skater. We asked the charismatic figure skater, who has been giving amazing performances in collaboration with artists every year, about his thoughts on his latest collaboration.

The poignancy and strength of the music in the collaboration

- I'm looking forward to the collaboration on the 2024 tour.

Hanyu: This time, I'm collaborating with T.M.Revolution /Takanori Nishikawa. I've been listening to him since I was in elementary school. When I heard he would be performing this time, I thought, 'No way!' I was really surprised."

- Do you feel like it's a perfect fit for your generation?

Hanyu: Maybe I’m a little later. (laughs) But my older sister is right in that generation, so I’ve listened to him a lot. I thought he was amazing, and I often listened to his music while warming up.

- The song that you'll be skating to this time, "Meteor" by T.M.Revolution (Takanori Nishikawa's solo project), is one of the famous songs known as the insert song for "Mobile Suit Gundam SEED" (aired in October 2002).

Hanyu: I wanted to do 'vestige' too, but there are so many songs that I like. I also wanted to do 'WHITE BREATH,' 'THUNDERBIRD,' and other mellow songs, as well as "ignited".

- The song titles are coming out one after another.

Hanyu: Because I've been listening to them. I still don't know what kind of program I'll make. Because I’ve been listening for so long, I initially had no image at all. I was wondering what I could do, and I also have a strong desire not to break the essence of the music. I want to create the choreography while always thinking about what kind of synergy will be created when I incorporate myself into a completed piece of music. However, I feel it might be a bit off to lean too much into Gundam during my performance. It’s challenging, but I want to express the poignancy, strength, and driving force that the song and lyrics convey. I don’t know what kind of choreography it will be, but I definitely want to express those feelings.

- Every year, Hanyu appears as the final performer and closes the show with a wonderful collaboration, but you also perform with full effort during the opening and finale. It feels like you're skating to three songs, how do you feel about that?"

Hanyu: Actually, including warm-ups, I think I’ve done three pieces, but this year, I'm thinking that maybe I'll do two individual programs.

- Eh, really!

Hanyu: "Eh?" That’s what you would think right? It's like, 'Hanyu, are you okay doing two programs?'"

- I think Hanyu can handle it with ease now.

Hanyu: That’s right. In "RE_PRAY", I performed over ten songs!

- It will be a big gift for the audience.

Hanyu: Of course I'll give it my all from the opening, but as I continue to work as a professional, I've come to think that I can't fully express myself with just one program. I'm sure that among the fans who have high expectations, there are of course those who want to see more, so if I'm going to show it, I want to give it my all.

- I'm really looking forward to it.

Hanyu: As with "RE_PRAY," my basis is "contrast." I see myself as a skater with a wide range, so I’m thinking if I can make this program and this collaboration, in such a way that they both stand out. I don’t know how it will turn out, but right now, I want to skate two programs. I'm still thinking about what to skate.

- Possibility of a new piece?

Hanyu: I don't think that's possible. I think I'll be overwhelmed with choreographing "Meteor." For the other piece, I want to show a more traditional skating style. In addition to that, I want to convey the dynamism unique to a collaboration at this stage.

- Do you enjoy showing the contrasts?

Hanyu: More than anything, I want to satisfy those who are watching. As a professional.

- Of course, that's true from the performer's perspective, but it also reflects a strong producer's sense, doesn't it?

Hanyu: The reason I had decided to only perform one program in Fantasy until now was partly due to physical limitations, but also because I wanted to give 120% to that one program. Now, I feel like I can give a bit more than that, so I think it’s possible to do something like this to better satisfy everyone. After all, I’ve skated to over ten songs.

- When it comes to working with artists on an equal footing, Hanyu is in a class of his own. Usually, it feels like skaters try to conform.

Hanyu: I don’t approach it with the mindset of trying to match up, as it's different to experience the music with your eyes. For example, when an artist makes a music video, it's not just the music playing in the background, right? For example, sound effects (SE) may be added to the music. It's the same with the "Meteor" PV, where the music suddenly stops and a story unfolds. When you press the play button again, the song resumes. Just like that kind of production, I believe that the collaboration with figure skating isn’t just about the music existing alone. It’s about visualising it, which leads to the creation of unique works, so if I'm going to do it, I really want to cherish the process. That's why, as with “Raison” and “Real Face,” which I have performed in Fantasy in the past, I have received many requests to perform them again, but I think that those programs were made possible only because of the live singing and the unique atmosphere of that venue. I would like to create something like that again.

I want to improve. That's all.

- During the interview for the Makuhari performance, Keiji Tanaka mentioned that he learned how to behave as a professional by watching you at Fantasy on Ice. Do you feel that by excelling in the show, you’re conveying something through your actions?

Hanyu: It makes me happy to hear that because I’m currently pushing forward with 'ICE STORY,' and if it serves as a turning point for others, that’s great. I think it's wonderful for the quality of skating in Japan to improve. However, I don’t think in terms of wanting others to become like me; more than anything, I just want to improve myself, so if everyone else gets better, I just want to get even better than that. I think that hasn’t changed since my competitive days.

- That determination is really amazing.

Hanyu: It's not really determination. It feels normal to me. But I think that at the root of it all is that competitive streak that I've had since my competitive days. How should I put it, I can't forgive myself for being bad at something. I can't forgive myself for skating without any meaning, including not being able to keep the rhythm. When someone asks me, 'Why are you doing this?' I don’t want to give a performance that says 'Just because.'  I guess I don't want to lose to myself. (laughs)

- By the way, you are now creating your own shows and working to spread the beauty of figure skating in a variety of ways. I imagine your days are busy and filled with pressure. For example, do you have any recurring dreams?

Hanyu: Yes, I do. I still find myself dreaming about competitions. It's not that I want to compete again, but I guess it's a kind of trauma.

- Is it like your consciousness is drawn back to that?

Hanyu: Even now, when I’m performing in shows, the feeling is almost the same. I’ve been competing for 20 years after all. In my dreams, there are times when I am competing in the All-Japan Championships. The 6-minute practice has already started, but I haven't put on my shoes yet. I'm like, "No way, no way, no way!" and it's really stressful. (laughs)

- Do you wake up from those dreams?

Hanyu: I do. I wake up thinking, 'I had a terrible dream~'

- By the way, what was your last good dream, or what was the dream you had recently?

Hanyu: Recently, I dreamed that I was at the All-Japan Championships in Big Hat (Nagano), warming up. Then I heard my name being called out, 'Yuzuru Hanyu!'. I thought, “What? I’m still warming up and haven’t even put on my costume yet. What do I do?” I’ve had that dream about four times recently. (laughs)

- That really conveys the tension of the All-Japan Championships.

Hanyu: That's what bad dreams are like, but good dreams are like dreams about jumping a quadruple axel. I tell myself that this is a dream, and jump about five times for image training. When that happens, I get a sense of it, so when I wake up, I quickly move and jot down all the sensations I experienced.

- Thank you very much for sharing such valuable insights. I'm even more excited about your performance at Fantasy on Ice 2024.

(Interviewed in April 2024)

Source: Official Program (Aichi Performance) / "Fantasy on Ice 2024" Info: https://fantasy-on-ice.com/goods.html