#I've been crying almost the entire day when i was alone lol

[karajaynetoday]

nothing's going right, and everything's a mess, and no one likes to be alone | jack hughes

author's note: don't ask me how the university semester timeline in this works. i have simply given reader a three week break in march bc why not. this is fanfiction okay, anything can happen 😂 no one proofread this for me so soz for any typos!

word count: 3.4k words

warnings: none that i can think of? but lmk if i've missed anything. soz if the ending makes you mad LOL i do love a cliffhanger

read part one here

read part two here

(This is a fem reader insert)

More writing here (soz that the masterlist is not up to date lol) | send thoughts/feedback/suggestions here

Somehow, the ill feeling of waiting until summer to see Jack again began to fade with each passing day. The itch to text him every time something exciting or infuriating happened to you began to lessen. The thoughts of him when you saw a funny meme he’d like, or your shared favourite foods on special at the grocery store, quietly stopped happening as frequently. 

But then there were the things that didn’t stop. The sharp pain in your chest whenever Jack’s smiling face popped up on your social media feed. The butterflies in your stomach whenever your parents brought him up in conversation, fuelled by whatever the latest updates were from their group message thread with Jim and Ellen. The joy that would wash over you when you heard about a Devils win or a Jack Hughes goal, followed almost always by a wave of sadness that you were hearing about it second or third hand, rather than from Jack himself.

You were the one who’d asked for space. You needed time, you’d said. Given the blow up of All-Star weekend, all Jack was doing was respecting your wishes; but a huge part of you not so secretly wished he’d be a bit more disrespectful and reach out. Your mind was a mess of conflicting thoughts, and your heart wasn’t sure which emotion to feel or where to go next. 

Since kindergarten, you’d barely gone more than a few days without seeing or communicating with Jack in some way. Now you were nearly a month without a word, and even though you were still mad at how he’d treated you, you were craving a return to the friendship you’d become so accustomed to. Jack knew you better than anyone, could basically read your mind with a single look, and although you had plenty of friends at college and still around in Toronto from high school, none came close to the camaraderie you shared with Jack. He was someone you could talk to for hours, or sit next to in silence for the same amount of time, it didn’t matter. With Jack, you could be utterly and entirely yourself, no complications. Now it felt like you were always pretending. And it was exhausting.

It was about 9pm on a Thursday night when you found yourself pushing through that exhaustion to try and complete yet another university assignment. For motherfucking economics. You couldn’t wait until you’d completed all of your compulsory economics credits because it was the absolute opposite of your cup of tea, when it came to academic subjects. This assignment was your last one, and you weren’t sure whether to cheer or cry at the idea of hitting the submit button on the online portal. Maybe you should’ve bought a confetti cannon to celebrate. Or a box of wine. Or booked yourself a flight somewhere fun, given you had a break from classes soon.

As soon as the thought of a trip crossed your mind, your phone began to buzz with an incoming video call. A video call from… Luke. Luke Hughes. 

Your face scrunched in confusion, as you swiped to answer the call, met with Luke’s smiling face and messy curls. 

“Hey sunshine! Long time no see. How have you been?” Luke spoke cheerily. Almost too cheerily. 

You were immediately suspicious and narrowed your eyes at the youngest Hughes. 

Luke was 3 years old when you met for the first time; he could barely remember a life without you in it. Given how inseparable you and Jack were, Luke became your de facto little brother, always tagging along where he could and joining in your adventures. Later on, when he became a teenager, you were the one Luke would come to when he was having issues with his friends, or trying to build up the courage to ask out the cute girl in his math class, or missing his brothers when they moved away. You were his second call after Ellen when he felt homesick at Michigan, and you were his first call when he had fucked up something that he felt his brothers would never let him live down. Emotional support and damage control, with a healthy dose of teasing and laughs thrown in. That was the dynamic between you and Luke. It also meant you could read him to filth when he was lying to you, and your honesty radar was through the roof at this sudden video call.

“I’m fine, Moose. Just trying to wrap up my final assignment before the break without losing my entire mind.” You offered weakly, half-expecting Luke to make a joke about your mind having been lost years ago, but the joke never came.

Instead, you saw the concern flicker across Luke’s face, just for a moment, before he forced a smile.

“How long is your break for? Any plans?”

“Three weeks, and not really. I promised my mother I’d spend a few days helping her with planning for their anniversary party in June, but that probably won’t happen until right before I go back to school.” You chatted absently, hitting save on your essay and standing up from the couch, bringing your phone with you as you moved into the kitchen to make yourself a drink.

You propped the phone up against the vase on your kitchen bench, reaching up into the cabinet to retrieve a glass. 

“Well, you should come visit. We’ve got like 5 home games in a row or something ridiculous coming up. It’d be fun!” Luke’s tone was cheerful, but cautious, like he wasn’t sure how you were going to react. 

You hummed in response, moving slightly out of view of your phone to get some ice cubes from your freezer and a soda from the fridge. 

“Besides, I heard a rumour that you’ve got an airline voucher to use. I’d hate for it to expire or something.” 

You could feel your heart starting to beat faster. Luke knew about the voucher. Did that mean Jack had told him about your fight? 

“The voucher won’t expire for three years. I’m sure I’ll manage to use it before then.” You deadpanned, stepping back into frame to see Luke rolling his eyes at you. 

“Yeah, sure, but will I survive that long without seeing you? Absolutely not. Come on, sugar. Please? Even if it’s just a weekend?” Luke had moved into full begging mode, with puppy dog eyes and everything.

You sighed, fidgeting with the straw in your drink and avoiding his gaze. 

“I don’t… we haven’t talked at all, Luke. I don’t know what he’ll do if I just show up there.” You half-whispered, feeling that all-too-familiar wave of sadness coursing through your veins. 

“He talked about you tonight at dinner. Says he misses you. But he doesn’t want to push, or not give you the space you wanted. But right now, he’s on the couch watching Gossip Girl, so…” Luke stated matter-of-factly, staring you down with a knowing look on your face.

Gossip Girl was something you’d insisted Jack get into when you were teenagers, as long as he “wanted to be called your official best friend”. And The OC. And Gilmore Girls. And One Tree Hill. And basically any other teen drama series you could think of. Collectively, those shows had thousands of episodes, and you always found yourself settling down to watch them whenever you were missing Jack more than usual. You’d never realised before that he did the same.

“Should… should we tell him I’m coming? I don’t want him to get upset by a bad surprise.” 

“Not at all, sugar. Book the flight and send me the details, I’ll sort out the rest.” Luke’s beaming smile made a smile of your own creep onto your face, as you nodded at him and went to retrieve your laptop from the couch to log onto the airline website.

“Now that that’s sorted, I was wondering, what does it mean when a girl asks me what my sun, moon and rising are? Should I be worried? Or is it a good thing?”

– 

Two days later, you were done with your semester and on your way to the airport. Luke had suggested you book a one-way flight, “That way, you can go home whenever you like!”, but you were starting to feel like the whole thing was a mistake. 

Nonetheless, you pushed through those feelings and boarded your flight. The whole ordeal took less than two hours, and soon enough you found yourself navigating the arrivals area at Newark airport. You spotted Luke’s lanky figure, clad in a Michigan sweatshirt, with his back to you. You couldn’t help but creep up on him and poke his side, cracking up with laughter as Luke jumped at least three feet into the air. He’d always been the easiest to scare, ever since you were kids. 

Luke cussed you out, and then pulled you into a bone-crushing hug. 

“Missed your face, sugarplum.” Luke murmured, as you pulled away from each other and he rested his hands on your shoulders, studying you. 

“Aw, Lukey. I’d say I’d missed yours too, but we really gotta do something about that hair.” You poked your tongue out as the youngest Hughes brother’s jaw dropped in mock offense. 

You retrieved your bag from the luggage carousel, and headed out to where Luke had parked. The two of you fell into easy conversation as Luke navigated through the New Jersey streets back to the apartment he shared with Jack. 

You managed to bury most of the nerves, but they came bubbling back to the surface when Luke pulled into the parking garage at the bottom of his building.

“Is… um… Is Jack home? Alone?” You managed to squeak out, and Luke looked at you like you were crazy. 

Ever since All-Star weekend, you’d been having a recurring nightmare about Jack and the girl from the messages you’d accidentally become privy to. In particular, it was a scenario where you would come home from wherever you’d been out, and opened the apartment door to find them… entangled, on every possible surface you could think of. You felt yourself starting to feel ill as the images from your nightmares started to flash back into your mind. 

“He’s alone. Ever since… ever since he came home early from All-Star, he’s been alone. None of the… usual visitors have been over. And he hasn’t been going to theirs, either. Not even when we’re on a roadie.” Luke said carefully, and you could tell he was trying not to upset you.

You could also tell that he was being honest. Because you could always tell when he was lying. But your mind was running a million miles a minute. Jack hadn’t… for a month? Because of his fight with you? You loved Jack, but you also knew (despite wishing that you didn’t know at all) that it had been years since he’d gone that long without intimacy. In fact, it was probably the longest since losing his virginity that Jack hadn’t fulfilled his desires. 

Your mind was starting to wander into the gutter, and you pressed your eyes closed to bring yourself back to Earth. All you could do was nod at Luke, before you both hopped out of the car and into the elevator. Luke insisted on carrying your luggage, so you found yourself fidgeting incessantly with your hands as the elevator climbed to the correct floor. 

You trailed behind Luke as he strode towards the apartment door and unlocked it, stepping inside and putting your bag down. He looked back and waved you into the apartment, pressing a finger to his lips. You tiptoed across the doorway, and your heart softened at the scene before you. 

You could see the back of Jack’s head leaned up against the couch, and an episode of Gilmore Girls playing on the TV mounted on the wall. In fact, it was one of your favourite episodes; where Jess comes back and shows Rory the book he wrote, and calls her out for dropping out of Yale. You smiled ruefully as you thought about the parallels between that episode and your current situation with Jack, as the argument between Jess and Rory played out on the screen.  

What do you mean?

You know what I mean! I know you. I know you better than anyone! This isn't you!

… 

This isn't you! This! You going out with this jerk, with the Porsche! We made fun of guys like this!

You caught him on a bad night.

This isn't about him! Okay? Screw him! What's going on with you? This isn't you, Rory. You know it isn't. What's going on?

I don't know. I don't know…

“Are we Team Jess or Team Rory this time, Jacky?” Luke called out, making you jump. 

“Team Jess all the way, obviously. Where have you bee-” Jack stopped dead in his tracks as he turned to face his brother, and instead saw you in the middle of his living room.

Jack’s face was a revelation. Confusion, at first. Then the briefest flash of hurt and anguish. Then a smile. Then caution and uncertainty, as he slowly stepped towards you. 

You let a breath you hadn’t realised you were holding, and quickly moved across the room, clumsily throwing your arms around your best friend. You felt Jack freeze momentarily, almost as if he was shocked at your touch, but that soon passed and you felt his hands slide around your waist and squeeze, bringing your bodies as close together as possible. 

You nestled your head on Jack’s shoulder, breathing in his scent. His thumbs softly rubbed up and down your side, and you felt him press a soft kiss into your hair. You stayed like that for a minute, or maybe longer, relaxing into the embrace.

The sound of the apartment door slamming shut made you jolt, and you rolled your eyes as you realised that Luke had tried to sneak way unnoticed and failed miserably. 

“Hi.” Jack whispered, pulling back from you slightly but keeping his hands locked around you. 

“Hi.” You whispered back, reaching up to brush his hair out of his eyes. 

“Is it still shit hair? Or better now it’s longer?” Jack teased, rolling his tongue between his teeth.

“Better. But only slightly.” You teased back, your hands slipping down to the back of his neck comfortably. 

The warmth of the surprise arrival was starting to fade. The dread you’d felt over addressing your fight with Jack was starting to set in, fast. The guilt you felt for being the catalyst for over a month for not speaking to your best friend was washing over you. Your heart rate was through the roof, and your palms were beginning to sweat. 

Jack sensed your change in mood, and pulled away from you to look you up and down.

“Are you hungry? Do you want to shower? Or take a nap?” He was nervous, too.

“I ate before my flight. And showered this morning. And it’s 11am, so I think I’m good on the nap front. But I do think we should… we should talk. About everything.” You were basically tripping over your words at this point, but Jack’s reassuring nod helped to calm your nerves. 

Wordlessly, Jack took your hand and led you over to the couch, gesturing for you to sit. You sat down and faced him, crossing your legs and resting your hands on your knees, still fidgeting with your hoodie sleeves. 

“I’m sorry - “ You both said unanimously, a gentle laughter filling the room. 

“I’m sorry I needed so much time apart, J. It fucking sucked, and it was my fault, and I just didn’t -” You began to ramble, only stopping when Jack leaned over and squeezed your knee reassuringly.

“You only needed that time because I was an asshole, sugar. It’s on me, really. I had no right to treat you like an occasional friend, or something that I shouldn’t prioritise -” Jack paused as you cringed, remembering the text messages that referred to his time with you as “boring family bullshit”. 

“I was thinking with my dick, not with my head, and that’s not fair on anyone.” You shot Jack a weird look, and he looked sheepish in return.

“Quinn… Quinn said that to me. After you told him to tell me about the messages. He’s right, thought. It wasn’t fair.” Jack continued, pausing to take a deep breath. 

“This whole… thing, this life -” Jack gestured broadly at the apartment around you, and you glanced around properly for the first time. Framed jerseys of Luke and Jack’s adorned the walls.Various photos of the Hughes family scattered about the place. The fridge, with a gas bill stuck to it, along with a polaroid of you and Jack from last Christmas. And a photo from your senior prom. And a group photo of everyone from last summer at the lake house, Jack’s mouth open in laughter with his arm slung over your bikini-clad shoulders. 

“It’s all I thought I ever wanted. And it’s amazing, and I’m so grateful. But it’s worth nothing to me, the money, the girls -” You felt yourself involuntarily cringe again. “The fame, the accolades, it’s worth nothing to me without the people that I love by my side. And if those people don’t know how much I love and appreciate them, because I treat them like shit, then that’s on me. No one else. Me.” 

You sat quietly, taking in Jack’s emphatic statement. You weren’t quite sure what to say. So instead, you gently reached over and took Jack’s hand in yours, lacing your fingers through his and squeezing softly, for a moment while you gathered your thoughts.

“I know the life you live, Jack. You don’t have to be sorry for it. Playing hockey was all you ever dreamed of, and I honestly can’t blame you for… enjoying… all the perks it comes with.” You swallowed the wave of nausea that hit you, before continuing. 

“I don’t… I don’t know what life looks like without you in it. The last month was such a bizarre experience, and not one that I ever want to repeat, but I also… I need to… Can I be honest?” You spoke softly, glancing up from your hands to meet Jack’s gaze, and he nodded encouragingly at you. 

“I wasn’t just upset because you made me feel like I was inconveniencing you, or cock-blocking you -” It was Jack’s turn to cringe. “I think I was upset because I was jealous. Because that will never, ever be me. And I think… I think I want it to be? Maybe? Fuck, I don’t know!” You dropped Jack’s hand and stood up from the couch, and started to pace the room. 

“Sugar, please sit down.” Jack pleaded, and you paused, looking back at him on the couch. One look was all you needed, and you narrowed your eyes at the smirk on his dumb face. 

“Why are you smirking? I am experiencing emotional distress, you asshole.” You seethed, running your hands through your hair in frustration.

“Tell me more about this jealousy thing. I’m intrigued.” Jack’s tone was light and teasing, and washed over you like sour milk. Your head whipped in his direction and your face must’ve said a thousand words, because Jack’s smirk soon disappeared and he hurriedly stood up and walked over, reaching out to touch you. 

“See, this -” You jabbed a finger into Jack’s chest. “This is why I have avoided this conversation for almost my entire life. Because you think it’s hilarious that we could ever go down that path. That we could ever be something more than what we are. Because I’m not good enough,or pretty enough, or just enough and I never will be, and I hate it. I hate it so much.” Your voice cracked on the last few words, and you felt the hot tears start to bubble out of your eyes and stream down your face. 

Jack didn’t say a word. He didn’t have to. He pulled you into a hug, bringing his hand up to your face and gently brushing away the tears with his thumbs. 

“Breathe, sugar. You need to calm down.” Jack said quietly, willing you to calm. That just made you cry harder. 

You were about to pull away, when you felt Jack cup your face with both hands, before leaning in to kiss you. 

[jiniretracha]

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐀𝐥𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐦𝐲 - Jeon Jungkook (1)

Pairing: Jeon Jungkook x fem!reader / Park Jimin x fem!reader (but not quite, you'll see)

Warnings: Angst, Fluff, Future smut

Summary: You were supposed to spend your happily ever after with Jeon Jungkook... until a family issue causes him to leave and a sudden break up leaves you bereft in the arms of your best friend, Park Jimin.

Word count: 6.7k

PS: this is heavily entirely inspired in the last two episode of True Beauty (so consider this a huge spoiler if you haven't seen it) cause i've been a fan of it since it came out and I just had to do something about it lol

MASTERLIST // my Ko-Fi // SERIES MASTERLIST

CHAPTER 1: 𝐇𝐨𝐰 𝐃𝐢𝐝 𝐈𝐭 𝐄𝐧𝐝?

“Bottoms up!” Seokjin loudly cheered as you and your friends downed your soju shots. 

You looked at your now-empty glass of soju, liquid that was now burning down your throat. But you couldn’t care less about it. It had been the most tiring day ever, like every day since you started being an assistant to a supermodel newcomer, Nari.

Your eyelids were feeling heavy, dizzy with alcohol and sleep that your body was begging for since the beginning of the day. 

“Hey, Y/N-innie,” Taehyung called you, twirling a strand of hair from her girlfriend’s hair, Karina, your high school best friend, while he talked. “Nari gave you trouble today?” he asked, sipping on his drink. 

With a huff and an eyeroll, you nodded, letting your forehead drop on your palm. “Yeah, fuck, you don’t know how much her voice just irritates me, let alone her demands!” you cried, slurring almost every word. “Ever since Jimin dropped me off that one time, like- when was it? Like, a month ago? She’s been bugging me about getting her a date with him ever since” you cried.

“Then, why doesn’t he take her out?” Karina shrugs.

“Because he doesn’t like her” you sighed, pouring more soju on your shot cup.

Seokjin snorts and shakes his head. “Of course he doesn’t. Who wouldn’t?” he asks with a smile. “I stalked her Insta the other day. She’s pretty and all, don’t get me wrong, but bitch is obnoxious” he hisses.

Your eyebrows arch. “See?” you say to Taehyung and Karina. 

Taehyung laughs. “Where is Jimin, by the way?” he asked, his head turning towards the door. “He said he’d be here by 10 and that was thirty minutes ago” Tae said, looking at you.

You let out a huff. “I don’t know, honestly. He said he was practicing with his new band” you downed your soju shot and then let out a cry. “At this point he’ll abandon us for his new friends” 

“Oh no, not another Jungkook” Seokjin chuckles.

But nobody at the table laughed. Not even a smile was sent his way.

Karina glared at him.

Taehyung narrowed his eyes.

And you, you simply stared at the table in front of you. 

“S-sorry. Didn’t realise it was still a sensitive topic. Sorry” he apologised. If he were a dog, he’d have his tail between his legs, and his ears bowed down in shame along with his head. 

You sighed and used it as an excuse to pour another soju shot. 

Karina looked at you and her expression softened with worry. “Y/N, babe, don’t you think… don’t you think you’ve had enough for today?” she asked.

“Nope”

“How many shots have you downed since we got here?” she asked you, placing a hand over yours.

“I don’t know. And I don’t care” you said, throwing back the shot. “That’s better” 

Taehyung sighed and dug his hand inside his pocket. He clicked on the chat he had with Jimin and sent him another text.

Tae: Jimin hyung. We have a problem. It’s Y/N, hurry tf up. 

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟

Jimin walked inside the restaurant with a pant and looked around in search of his friends.

“Jimin-ssi” Taehyung waved his hand and Jimin walked faster towards them. 

“Hey!” he panted and his eyes fell towards you.

You were slumped over the table, head inside your arms, as you mumbled incoherent nonsense against the fabric of your cashmere black sweater. 

He smiled slightly and sat on the empty seat next to yours.

“Why did you let her drink so much, you guys?” Jimin scolded them as he got comfortable.

“Yo, blame her, not us bro. She’s a big girl” Seokjin cried. “She needed those drinks. Her day at work sucked”

Jimin let out a sigh and put a hand over your back. 

“Y/N, hey. It’s me, come on. Wake up” he whispered gently as he tried to move you.

Your head shot up and you opened your eyes. You instantly smiled and let out a little chuckle.

“Hello, you…” you drawled out, poking his cheek. 

Jimin gave you a toothy smile. “Yeah, hi, sleeping beauty” he chuckled. 

“I’m sorry…” you said and let your head fall on his shoulder.

He froze in his spot and reluctantly put an arm around you, caressing your shoulder.

His eyes looked up and found Tae and Karina smirking at him. He sent them a frown and a grimace, like stop meddling!

With a sigh, you straightened up and blinked your eyes open. “This is all your fault” you spat at him.

Jimin’s smile fell. “Huh?” he asked, utterly confused.

“Every day at work is a day in hell because of that nagging bitch Nari, why can’t you just do me that favour!” you yelled, grabbing his collar and shaking him a little.

“Wait, wait, Y/N” Jimin said, prying your hands off of him. 

“Y/N, go easy on him” Karina chuckled.

You looked at her and then back at Jimin and let him go with a sigh. 

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟

Jimin helped you out of the restaurant while Seokjin, Karina and Tae trailed behind. 

“You got her, right? You can drive her home?” Tae asked.

Jimin smiled and nodded, looking at you, slumped against him with a drunk smile. “Yeah, I’ve handled her before, so…” he trailed off with a shrug.

“That’s great, please text us when you guys get home, okay?” Karina said to all of you.

“Yeah, we will” Jimin said, waving at the three friends walking away.

“Buh-bye!” you slurred and then hiccuped.

“Come on, young lady…” he said and helped you walk through the streets.

You turned your head to the side and gasped when you saw the river in front of the restaurant. “Wow…” you breathed out.

Jimin let out a chuckle. “You do that every time we go out to this bar” 

You looked up at him and blushed. “I know, I just love the river” you shrugged.

Your friend eyed you and grabbed your hand, “Come on, let’s sit and look at it, shall we?” 

You smiled and nodded, jumping up and down but he grabbed your waist and pinned you to the ground.

“No jumping”

You grumbled. “Okay, grandpa”

He chuckled and helped you cross the street, leading you to sit on a bench that faced the beautiful view of Han River at night. He sighed when he had you sat down and he did the same, next to you. He curled his arm around you and stared at your face. 

“You okay?” he asked you, handing you a bottle of water he had in his bag.

“Thank you, and yeah, I think so” you sighed, drinking a little from the bottle. “I just have a lot going on, that’s all” 

“Tell me”

“No… it’s always the same” you slurred. “It’s me telling you about my problems when you’re probably on your way to becoming the next big thing. You needn’t worry about my stupid middle class issues”

Jimin cackled. “Hey, I’m middle class, too!” 

“Yeah, well. Not anymore, that’s for sure” you grumbled. 

Jimin giggled. “Come on, let’s get you sober” he said, pushing the bottle closer to you. “Drink it, now”

You chuckled at his tone and gave it a big gulp. 

Once you placed the bottle down next to you, you gave him a dizzy look. 

“What’s up” he smiled.

“Jiminnie” you started. “Can’t you just… like- a little bit, just… take her out? For once?” you pleaded him.

“Y/N…” he huffed. “I said no, okay?”

You groaned. “You could make my life so much easier. I'm not talking- like- dating and stuff, marry her or some shit. I'm just asking you to take her to dinner, once. That's all I'm asking” you insisted, putting your hands together in a praying manner.

“I don't like her! I find her just as infuriating as you do” Jimin cried.

“I know, I know. But just once… you can like- totally dump her after that” you continued. 

Jimin looked down, clearly uncomfortable. “Please stop” he told you and you bit your lip, to contain pleading him much further. “Don’t tell me to meet some other girl, alright?” he asked you, with a straight face. 

You frowned at his tone, so unlikely of his character.

“It makes me mad” he sighed. 

“Why?” 

“Why do you ask?” he chuckled and looked away. “I think you should know how I feel by now, Y/N” 

You gave Jimin a confused look.

He pressed his tongue against his cheek. “She’s drunk, Jimin. Come on” he whispered to himself. 

You grabbed his hand and gave him puppy eyes. “Tell me… It’s okay, I’ll probably remember tomorrow” 

Jimin looked at you, completely enamoured by you and his eyes couldn't help but drift down to your mouth. Your plump bottom lip was jutted and it was giving him the mad urge to bite it. But he had to pull himself together. 

You, as drunk as you were, realised that Jimin, in that moment, wanted to kiss you.

“Jimin?” you asked him.

“Yeah?” he asked you, his gaze not pulling away from your lips.

“Can we… can we go home?” you stuttered. “I’m kind of freezing”

Jimin pulled away all of a sudden and blinked. 

Of course.

“Y-yeah, let’s go” he whispered. 

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟

The next day, you sat up on your bed holding your head in your hands. 

“Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck. I’m never drinking again” you whispered to yourself.

The door opened and Jimin walked inside the room, holding a cup of tea in his hands and a tablet of Advil in his hand.

“You say that every time” he chuckled.

You sighed and let him sit next to you, as he handed you the cup and the Advil. “I know, but I think this time I mean it” you licked your lips, downing the pill. “Thank you, Chim”

He smiled and put the cup down. “You’re welcome”

You grabbed his arm and smiled, remembering all of a sudden. “How did practice go? Did they tell you when’s your debut date?” 

“Nope” he shook his head. “But I have a great feeling about it, actually” he nodded. “I think it’s closer than we all think”

“I think it’s around the corner. No, it’s behind you. It’s like, breathing down your neck” you smiled, sipping on the tea while he chuckled.

“That’s sweet of you, Y/N” he blushed. 

“I’m just telling you the truth” you shrugged and he pressed his lips together. 

“Thank you” he chuckled. 

You swallowed the tea and left the cup by your nightstand.

“Did I gave you a hard time last night?” you asked him, really not wanting him to answer that question but also wanting him to. “You know, I don’t remember how I got so drunk” 

He patted your hair and gave you a smile. “No, just… you were very insistent” he frowned.

You pulled your face back. “What? With what?”

“With the Nari thing” he replied. 

Your shoulders deflated. “Oh, yeah” you nodded. “Sorry about that. It’s just that… she’s like… making me hate my job”

“But you love it” he frowned.

“I know! I love it, and that’s the worst part” you said.

He sighed. “I’ll think of something” Jimin tried.

Your eyes widened. “You will?” you asked with a smile.

“I’ll try, I said” 

You clapped your hands and hugged him. “Oh, thank you, Chim. I love you!” you squealed.

Yeah… 

“I love you, too” he said, patting your back. 

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟

You walked down the steps of the building hall with Jimin, as he grabbed the keys from his car from his pocket.

“Thank you… again, Chim, for taking me here. I’m really lucky to have someone who’s there to save my ass every time” you chuckled. 

He giggled and pushed your shoulder slightly. “Don’t mention it, and don’t get sappy on me. I might throw up” 

You laughed and looked away. “I won’t… sorry” 

You got flashbacks from the events from the night prior.

How he had looked at your lips.

How he had looked at you with want.

You hadn’t been looked like that since-

“Hey, you okay?” Jimin asked you, placing a hand on your shoulder, pulling you back to earth. 

You blinked. “Um, Chim… you- you wanted to say something to me last night. You remember?” you asked him. 

He licked his lips. “I- I- uh…” he stammered. 

You noticed his discomfort and you let out a sigh. 

“Chim… don’t tell me-”

“I’m sorry” he looked away, ashamed.

You closed your eyes. “Chim, come on” 

“I know” he said, his eyes getting teary.

You grabbed his hands and made him look at you. “It’s not worth it… I’m… not worth it”

Jimin smiled. “Yeah, you are. You’re just… blind, I guess” he chuckled a little.

You smiled. “No, I’m really not. I’m a dumbass, who’s too stupid to get over his ex” you exploded. “And you deserve someone who gives you her full attention. And doesn’t have baggage like me”

“Why don’t you let me help you?” he asked you.

“What?” you asked, confused. “With- with what?”

“Help you get over him…”

「 ✦ 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐞𝐦𝐩𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐭𝐢𝐜 𝐡𝐮𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫 𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐜𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐬

𝐖𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐭𝐞𝐥𝐥 𝐧𝐨 𝐨𝐧𝐞, 𝐞𝐱𝐜𝐞𝐩𝐭 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐨𝐟 𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐬

𝐖𝐞 𝐦𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰: 𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐝𝐢𝐝 𝐢𝐭 ��𝐧𝐝? ✦ 」

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟 A YEAR AGO 𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟

Jungkook walked through the halls of the hospital, his breathing was heavy and his eyes were drenched with tears. 

He knew his father and him didn’t have the greatest relationship out of all, but he wasn’t going to deny that he loved him.

It was his only parent alive, and he wasn’t about to lose him just like he lost his mother. At least, without saying goodbye. 

He pushed the door open from his room and found him lying in his hospital bed.

Jungkook blinked a couple of times, trying not to cry in front of the nurses that were cleaning up his room. 

They all looked at him and gave him a sympathetic look.

He sighed and went to sit down next to him, feeling the nurses scurry away from the room to give him some privacy with his father. Jungkook grabbed his hand and watched him breathe in and out, with his mask placed on his face. He looked so peaceful and he feared that if he touched him too harshly, he’d break.

“I’m here…” he whispered against his palm. “I’m here, dad” 

His dad’s eyes blinked open and he made a surprise noise. 

“I… Jungkook” he tried to smile. 

“Dad” he smiled, caressing his arm.

“I’m sorry” he breathed out. “I’m sorry, Jungkook” he said and tried taking off his mask.

“No, no, no” Jungkook cried softly, tears falling on his face. “Keep it, you need that”

He grabbed his son’s hand and placed it close to his heart. 

“I thought… I’d go without being able to see you” he breathed out. “You traveled all the way to the US to see me?” 

He smiled at him and nodded. “I did, dad” he smiled.

Jungkook had flied all the way to Minnesota, just to see his dad after receiving a call that he had been urged to the hospital. 

“Thank you, son” he grinned, patting Jungkook’s hand. “Did you tell Y/N you’re here?” 

He nodded. “Yeah, she actually drove me all the way to the airport”

His dad chuckled. “That girl… she’s special, huh?”

“Yeah, she’s really something” Jungkook chuckled, feeling his chest tighten at how much love his heart held for you. 

“I’d… I’d like to meet her sometime, if you let me” his dad asked him.

Jungkook looked away and wiped the tears from his face. 

“I know, I know I fucked up” he sighed. 

“Shh… please try to sleep, okay?” he asked his dad. 

His dad nodded weakly and his eyes slowly closed. 

Jungkook sat up and pressed a kiss to his forehead. “I’ll see you later, okay?” he whispered and kissed his forehead once again. 

He left the room, and let out a sigh. 

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟

A few weeks later, Jungkook opened the door to his room at the hospital that was connected to the one his father had, and let out a breath when he let himself fall on the bed with a thud.

With a groan, he stretched his back and let all the muscles and bones crack. 

He felt his phone buzzing in the pocket of his jeans and he quickly took it out from it.

Jungkook felt his mouth widen in a lovesick smile and pressed answer immediately.

“Jagiya! What are you doing up at this hour? Isn’t it like… the middle of the night in Seoul?” he asked, checking the watch he had on his wrist.

You giggled on the other side. “I was studying, that’s it” he heard her giggle and he sat up on the bed. “Are you at the airport yet?” 

“No, I just got back from taking care of him. You know, giving him food with a fork like a baby and shit. I’m being picked up in an hour or so” he smiled. “Dad’s going to be discharged soon though, I don’t know if I’m gonna have to go back again, you know?” 

“You wanna fly with your dad?” you asked him. 

“Yeah, kind of” he shrugged. “But… at the same time, I don’t wanna leave you, you know?” he chuckled. 

“Aw, you love me” you sing-songed.

“Didn’t you know yet?” he giggled. “Head over heels” 

You squealed on the other side of the line and his heart doubled its size. “I love you too, my Jungkookie” 

“Ah, I miss you, Jagi” he sighed.

“Me too” you smiled. “But we’re seeing each other in hours so… don’t miss me too much” 

“That is literally impossible” he let out a breath.

“Okay, okay, enough with me. How’s your dad?” you asked him. 

“He’s alright, I guess. He’s completely awake now, and well, he’s tired as hell” he told you. “But they told me that everything is a good sign. I mean, he had a heart attack, he could’ve died… literally speaking. But, you know, he’s recovering, and he’s doing well. And I trust them” 

“That’s good, then” you told him, with genuine happiness.

“Yeah, it is”

“I told you everything was going to be okay, Kookie” you said softly.

“You’re always right”

“I’m always right, indeed. You’re a smart boy” you giggled.

He repeated the action and giggled too.

“You know, it’s been a month since we’ve seen each other”

“Yeah” he nodded. “I miss you so much” he said, again.

“I know, you told me” you chuckled. “And I miss you too… you know, I can come meet you at the airport” 

“No, Jagi, don’t worry. I’ll head to you as soon as I arrive” Jungkook reassured you. 

“No! I really want to go!” you whined.

Jungkook rolled his eyes with a smile. “You’re not gonna let it go, are you?”

“Nope.”

“Alright, you can come to the airport” Jungkook said.

“Yay” you squealed.

“Okay, missy. You gotta go to sleep, it’s Thursday. You have uni tomorrow” Jungkook scolded.

“Yes, sir”

He felt his cock stir at the sudden name you used. “Y/N…”

“Yeah?” you said, feigning innocence. 

“I’m hanging up” he chuckled.

“Okay” you said and he heard you yawn. “I’ll see you tomorrow, my love. I love you”

“See you tomorrow, Jagi. Love you”

He hung up the call and let the phone drop on the bed.

A few minutes later, he got a call from the uber that was waiting for him outside the Hospital.

He grabbed his suitcase and got out of the room, but the moment he did, he saw three paramedics running with a hospital bed, in which laid a patient he knew really well: his dad.

His eyes widened and he ran, following them as they got inside the Operating room. When he got to the door, a nurse intercepted him and he was sure she was telling him to step back, but with all his yelling, he couldn’t hear a thing. 

“Dad!” he yelled, “Dad!” 

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟

You got to the airport with a huge smile on your face and sat down on a bench by the arrivals gate. You were chewing your lip anxiously and excitedly at the same time because you were dying to see your boyfriend. 

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟

“Your dad had a cardiac arrest, boy” the doctor in charge of the surgery said, taking off his face mask.

Jungkook felt his heart drop to his feet as he stared wordlessly at the doctor.

“His vitals are stable, however… his condition is still serious” the doctor said. “We’ll do whatever it takes to get your dad back to your home country, don’t worry” he smiled slightly, patting Jungkook’s shoulder and heading back to the operation room.

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟

Two hours passed… then three… and then four.

Jungkook was nowhere in sight.

It got to a point where you stared at the floor, feeling numb. The sadness had left your body a while ago and it was just hopelessness.

You decided to get up from the bench, paid for the parking and went straight home. 

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟

The next day, you sat with Karina next to you at your uni class, while staring at your textbook. 

You felt her shake your shoulder and you looked at her, only to find her giving you a look that screamed: I pity you.

“Hey, babe. You alright?” she asked.

Bless her soul.

You plastered a fake smile and nodded. “Yeah, just… distracted. That’s all” you lied.

She furrowed her eyebrows but let it go. 

You felt your phone buzz and you immediately grabbed it. 

Disappointment filled your body when you saw it was just a dumb Instagram notification. With a sigh, you opened the messaging app and clicked on the chat with your boyfriend. 

You eyed the past messages you and Jungkook had shared, and the last you had sent him.

You: How’s your dad?

Jungkook: the same

You: did you at least get some sleep, baby?

He hadn’t replied to that one. 

You licked your lips and pressed your eyes together, trying to refrain yourself from crying in front of a whole class. How embarrassing. 

By the end of the day, you felt your stomach killing you with anxiety, to the point that when you got to your home, you had to bend over from the pain. 

You groaned, and gasped, feeling your feet shake from the pain.

Karina, who happened to be your roommate at the time, saw you on the floor and gasped, running towards you.

“Y/N! Y/N! You okay? Hey, look at me!” she desperately said, grabbing your face. 

“Kari- Kari, please take me to the hospital” you wheezed out.

“Yeah, yeah, come on” she said. “Hold on to me”

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟

A few hours later, Karina watched you sleep in a hospital bed. They had given you medication for the stomach pain and some pills for future anxiety attacks like the one you had.

She sighed as she stared at you.

“She’s gonna be fine, babe” Taehyung, your longtime friend, and since two months ago, Karina’s boyfriend, said, rubbing her back.

“I know, she will be. But it’s what's causing it that's worrying me, you know?” Karina bit her lip.

With a long breath out, she smiled at her boyfriend. 

Your phone vibrated on the little stand next to the bed.

Jungkook, it read. 

Karina and Taehyung looked at each other and nodded. Karina picked up the call and tried her best to sound calm.

“Hey, Jungkook” she said. 

“Oh, Karina. Hi” he smiled slightly. “How have you been?”

“I’m fine, how about you?” Karina replied. 

Jungkook sighed. “Well, I’m… holding on, I guess. Where’s- where’s Y/N?” he asked shakily. 

Karina looked at your sleeping form and chewed on her lip. “Um, don’t freak out. Y/N’s at the hospital right now, we’re taking care of he-”

“WHAT?” Jungkook yelled. “How- how did that happen? Is she okay?”

“Oh gosh, calm down. She’s fine, Jungkook. It’s not serious. She just had an anxiety attack and her stomach was killing her” Karina explained it all to Jungkook. “The exams we’ve had lately are killing us and well… you know, what’s going on with your dad took a toll on her, too. I’m not gonna lie to you, Kook” 

“Can- can I speak to her, please?” Jungkook asked, in a small voice. 

“I’m sorry, she’s asleep. They gave her some strong medicine that kicked her lights out” Karina chuckled a little. “How’s your dad, Jungkook?”

“He’s not well, yet” Jungkook whispered.

Karina hummed. Tae crouched down and said, “Hey, Jungkookie, we miss you”

Jungkook smiled. “Hey, Tae” he chuckled.

“Okay, that’s enough, adults are talking” Karina jokingly pushed his boyfriend away, making him pout at her. “Well, we wish you and him nothing but the best from here. We’ll tell her to call you when she wakes up”

Jungkook nodded. “Right, thank you” he said quietly. 

Jungkook hung up and Karina left the phone by the stand with a sigh.

“I hope he’s okay” Tae told her.

Karina grabbed his hand and kissed the back of it. “He will be. And Y/N-nnie will be too” 

Taehyung nodded and hugged his girlfriend.

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟

Once you got home, you got ready for bed in your usual pajamas: one of Jungkook’s shirts and a pair of worn out shorts. 

As you let yourself get comfortable under the sheets, you felt your phone ringing and you quickly grabbed it, smiling slightly when you saw your boyfriend's name on the screen.

You swiped to answer the call and calmed yourself. 

“Hey, Kook! How are you, honey” you smiled. “It feels like we haven’t talked in forever”

“Hey… right” he trailed off.

Jungkook was sitting on a hospital bench, outside of his father’s room. His leg was bouncing up and down with the nerves racking over his body. 

“Are you doing okay?”

“Yeah!” you lied. “I am, actually. Of course. I actually passed my last test yesterday so…” 

“That’s great” Jungkook breathed out in a smile. 

“I know!” you squealed. “I was so nervous. But well, if I’m going to be the best makeup artist ever, I gotta pass the hardest tests, I mean, right?” 

“Yeah” Jungkook said, biting his lip and rolling his lip ring with his tongue. “Y/N…”

“Yeah, babe?”

Jungkook pressed his eyes together at the nickname. “We… we should break up” he said all in one breath. 

You blinked a couple of times, feeling your heart stopping its beating for a couple of seconds. “Huh?” you asked in a small voice. “What do you mean?”

“Waiting on my dad without knowing when he’ll wake up… must be hard for you too” Jungkook said, feeling the tears he had tried so hard to hold in his eyes, starting to fall. He sniffled and looked down to his feet. “It’s not fair to you”

You felt your vision getting blurry with tears. “What- what are you talking about?” you asked him. “It’s not hard for me at all, Jungkook” you lied. “I can wait, it’s all right”

“I don’t feel that’s what you deserve, Jagiya. I can’t even be there for you when you need me” Jungkook cried. “I feel so bad about it”

“You don’t have to feel bad about me, Jungkook” you cried.

“But I do! You’ve had an anxiety attack and I couldn’t even be there for you. God knows what else you might be going through or what you’ll go through and I’ll be unable to be there for you because of my current situation!” Jungkook said, his face completely soaked with tears of sadness. 

“I said I’m fine, Kook. Why are you doing this?” you sobbed. Jungkook didn’t answer. “I don’t want to break up. Nuh-uh” you shook your head as you frowned. “I can- fuck, I can even make money to fly back and fourth but we’re not over, we’re not!” 

“I… I can’t let you do that” Jungkook chuckled humorlessly. 

“Why not? Jungkook, that is my decision” you told him.

Jungkook smiled at your words and how you stood your ground. Just like you’ve always done. 

“Do well in Uni, Jagi. Don’t wait for my calls anymore, okay?” he asked softly. 

“Stop it, stop it, stop it!” You cried, almost grabbing your hair and ripping it out of your head from how he was talking. “Don’t say it like it’s our last time”

“It is…” he sobbed.

“No, I’m hanging up, Jungkook. You can call me when you’re in your right mind. Okay?” you said and hung up. 

You threw your phone further away on the bed and dropped your face on your pillow, sobbing your lungs out and kicking your feet. 

Karina came into the room, hearing your cries and immediately wrapped her arms around you, soothing you.

Meanwhile, in the United States, Jungkook stared at his phone and let out a sob that racked through his whole body. He let his head drop and cried, alone in a hospital hallway, his shoulders shaking. 

「 ✦ 𝐖𝐞 𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐛𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐮𝐧𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐜𝐢𝐫𝐜𝐮𝐦𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐬

𝐖𝐞 𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐩𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐝𝐢𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐝𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐬

𝐀𝐧𝐝 𝐟𝐞𝐥𝐥 𝐯𝐢𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐦 𝐭𝐨 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐨𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬' 𝐠𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐬

𝐋𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐠𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞, 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐬?✦ 」

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟

The days went by slowly, oh so slowly. It was torture. Seokjin, the one who knew how to cheer you up the most, didn’t know what to do. He had run out of jokes to tell you, the ones he knew that he’d have you cackling and grabbing your stomach in seconds. 

Jimin, whom you’ve always considered your soulmate, always reminding each other how scary it was how alike you thought, didn’t even know what you were thinking now. He couldn’t decode what was on your head anymore. 

Karina didn’t know what to do either. She didn’t want to pressure you into going out to get your mind off things, but she also didn’t want you to mope around forever in your shared apartment. 

Taehyung was going crazy as well, because he knew that Jungkook, one of his best friends, wasn’t going to come around any time soon and, because he cared for you, he felt so bad for you as well. 

A month passed by and Karina had moved out of the apartment to Taehyung’s. You were genuinely happy for her, because you knew how long it had taken for those two to confess their feelings, and you knew how much they loved each other. 

But, at the same time, you were jealous of her. Because you didn’t get to have that with Jungkook, and you knew that you weren’t going to have that. 

At the same time, you wanted to have all of those things but you didn't want it with anybody that wasn’t Jeon Jungkook. And it hurt like hell.

Jimin was the one who was the most present and there for you during your break up. He’d bring you your favorite ramen, bring you take out, bring you the snacks you knew you’d like, bring you pads for your periods, etc. 

He had been your rock throughout the whole process, and it made you realize just how lucky you were to have him.

“Thank you, Chim” you smiled at him when he handed you the ramen bowl.

He smiled. “You’re welcome, Y/N-innie” he said, patting your hair.

“No. Not only for the ramen, I mean. For- for everything you’ve done so far” you said, your eyes lining up with tears. “I’m so thankful to have a friend like you. I’m really lucky”

Jimin bowed his head down at the mention of the word friend, but he let it slide, for your and his own sake. “Yeah, don’t mention it. I know you’d do the same for me”

“Of course” you smiled, and grabbed his hand. 

He covered your hand with his free hand and smiled at you. “You know, I’ve been to therapy these past couple of years and one thing that I found really… really helpful for… you know… letting go of some unsaid feelings, thoughts, whatever is going through your mind, is to write them down in letter form” he said. 

“Chim-”

“I know. It’s just an idea. Something that worked for me” Jimin spoke softly to you, caressing your hand. “You can address it to… you know who, and tell that person how you feel, without sending it to him actually. It worked for me” he shrugged

You didn’t say anything.

“I’ll bring you some diet coke, is that okay?” Jimin said, standing up from the bed.

You sighed and nodded. “Yeah. You know me so well, thanks” you chuckled.

“No worries”

Once he left, you placed the bowl on the nightstand and went to your desk to grab your phone that had just finished charging. 

Accidentally, on your way back to bed, you bumped your hip into your desk chair, making the bag that was on it, fall to the floor.

“Shit” you said, grabbing your hip in pain and crouching down to put your bag on the desk chair again.

When you moved the bag out of the way, you saw something underneath your desk. You quickly grabbed it with a frown and your heart started beating faster when you saw what it was.

It was a photo strip taken at a photobooth, with you and Jungkook in it, kissing, looking so in love like you had always been. It had written in sharpie: happy 11 months, babe!

You felt a tear run down your cheek at the memory. It was a gift he had given you 3 months ago, for your 11th month anniversary. You couldn’t even celebrate a full year together because you had broken up a week prior to the date. 

Your chin quivered with sadness and turned the picture down, unable to continue staring at it. 

But as you turned it down, you realised that something was written at the back. 

“I hope we can go to Namsan, to make a wish upon the first snow… so we can be together forever” 

You frowned as you cried. 

Now, that wish, to be together forever, was further away than Jungkook. 

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟

The next day, you walked out of Uni with Karina and Seokjin by your side, chuckling at some dumb story that Seokjin had told. 

“Oh God, shut up, Jin” Karina rolled her eyes. 

“No, Karina, but I’m telling you. We have to go to that Karaoke again” he insisted. “We’ll have so much fun, this time, Y/N-innie, you’re coming with us. No exceptions”

“Okay, okay” you sighed.

Karina and Seokjin turned to look at each other and squealed. “Yeah!” Seokjin said, grabbing your waist and twirling you around.

“Y/N’s back!” Karina smiled, clapping her hands.

“Oh God, put me down, Seokjin!” you yelled.

“Sorry” he mumbled.

You chuckled and then gasped, feeling something dropping on your hand.

Your eyes fell to the back of your hand and saw a white, little, snowflake. 

“Oh, it’s snowing, look!” Karina gasped.

You looked up and saw the snowy weather. 

Why did everything remind you of him?

That night, you couldn’t help but drive all the way to Namsan Tower, and as you reached the outer observatory, you sat down on a bench and sighed. 

“Okay… here goes my wish” you whispered under your breath. “I wish… to get the job I applied for last week. I really hope I get it, I’m needing the money” you sighed. 

You licked your lips and looked up.

“And I wish for Jungkook’s dad to get okay” you said. “I guess, that’s a little selfish, wishing twice” you brushed the snow from your hair and stood up, ready to go home. “Whatever wish comes true… I’m happy with either of those” Feeling like you’ve completed your purpose, you walked out of Namsan Tower, and went straight back home. 

「 ✦ 𝐒𝐢𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐝 𝐚𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐨𝐮𝐥 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐝𝐞𝐟𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐨𝐟 𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐝𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐠 ✦ 」

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟

Jungkook sat by his dad’s hospital bed, while scrolling down on the gallery app.

It was self-torture, he knew that, but he couldn’t stop thinking about you, and he felt the need to go through every photo you’ve taken together. 

He swiped over every photo, memorizing every feature on your face and recalling every memory behind every single photo. 

He stopped when he reached a particular one.

You were on his bed, wearing his shirt. You were holding his brother’s new pup, the one he had given you two to care of for a week because he had gone on vacation. 

He felt a sob rack through his throat at the memory, one which he recalls was the happiest of his life. 

He didn’t know how happy he was back then, but now, he knows he had never been happier. 

And it was all because of you. 

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟

Once you got back home, you sat on your desk and grabbed your macbook, opening it. 

You remembered Jimin’s words. 

Write a letter to Jungkook, addressing it to him, without sending it. Just to free some feelings.

That was easy.

You grabbed a hair tie, wrapping it around your hair in a bun and let out a shaky breath.

Dear Jungkook,

It’s been almost 2 months since our last call. I guess you can say I’ve been doing fine, academically speaking. 

I’ve passed my classes and I’m only one exam away from getting my degree early with Karina. We’re so excited. We honestly cannot wait to start working already. 

I wonder if you’ve started studying music over there. I know that Jimin and you would’ve been such a power music couple. You would’ve broken every single record. I hope one day I can hear the music you made. You know, even the ones you played for me. 

I know I stopped texting. And I’m sure you’re wondering why. But it’s because I realized that maybe this was for the better. Maybe we weren’t supposed to be together for the rest of our lives like we had planned. Like we wanted to. Like I wanted to. At some point, I got tired of the read status. It made me sad. I can’t do that to myself anymore. 

It’s snowing here. I hope the place you’re in is warm, I know you don’t enjoy cold weather that much. 

I won’t contact you anymore.

I promise.

I just felt like this was for the better. Writing a goodbye letter to get closure.

So that we can get some closure.

So that I can get some closure.

Goodbye.

You finished writing the letter and pressed your lips together. 

Your eyes looked up on the screen and saw Jungkook’s contact on the message inbox. 

Without a second thought, you copied the letter and sent it to him. You quickly shut the macbook and stood up from the desk. You let yourself fall on your ass on the bed, placing your back against the bedpost. 

The tears fell across your cheeks, like a waterfall.

Closure. That’s exactly what was needed. 

「 ✦ 𝐋𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐦𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐟�� 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐫𝐞𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠

𝐌𝐲 𝐛𝐞𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐝 𝐠𝐡𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐦𝐞

𝐒𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐧 𝐚 𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐞

𝐃-𝐘-𝐈-𝐍-𝐆 ✦ 」

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟 PRESENT DAY 𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟

“Y/N?” 

“Huh?” you blinked.

Jimin let out a little laugh. “Did you hear what I just said?” he asked.

You licked your lips. “Yeah…”

“Well, will you let me?” Jimin asked. “Will you let me help you get over him?” 

You looked at your feet and got nervous. “I- I don’t know, Chim” 

“I’m not trying to pressure you” Jimin said, putting his hands up in a defensive manner. “Just let me take you out. Once… twice… as many times as you want” 

“That’s why you got annoyed that I kept bringing Nari up, huh?” you asked.

“Well… yeah, kind of” Jimin chuckled. 

You chewed on your lip. 

“Okay”

Jimin frowned. “Okay… what?”

You smiled. “I’ll let you take me out, Chim”

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

let me know what you think :))

PREVIOUS // NEXT

[j0kers-light]

Hey light! I've had this scenario floating around my brain I thought I'd share. So Joker was having a really rough week and his mood swings were horrendous. Plans he'd spent weeks on were ruined and didn't go well at all. His henchmen were more annoying and tiresome than usual. One day he breaks down, curls up in bed, and has a good cry, thinking he was home alone. Y/n comes home and catches him but decides not to let him see her because it would embarrass him and make him feel way worse. She just watches in silence from afar.

This is probably wayyy out of character but I love it when J gets to show emotion poor guy 🥺

His Lighthouse: Mood Swings (LedgerJoker x f!reader)

Mood Swings - Oneshot

KEEP IN MIND THIS IS NOT A CHAPTER UPDATE!

Hey hi anon!! 🖤✨

I haven’t been called Light in a while, almost forgot that's me lol 😭😭This ask is definitely wayyyyy out of character however have no fear, Chaos is here! I can always make something work. Here's something short and sweet treat to munch on while I work on the chapter updates! I hope you enjoy anon!

If you wish to be a part of the His Lighthouse taglist, (or His Angel) do let me know via comment, ask, or a quick direct message! 🖤✨

Nothing was going as he planned. It was one thing after another.

The plans he spent ages on perfecting were ruined, tensions were at an all time high, and to make matters worse, his goons were screwing up left and right.  

Normally Joker would have killed any signs of weakness, but he couldn’t get rid of his entire payroll. How was it possible that everyone was annoying? Even Frost wasn’t off the hook. At least he had the decency to acknowledge his mistakes and apologize.

No one else did and that irked J even more. Either everyone was an idiot, or the universe had it out for him.  

Honestly, it could be both. It was turning out to be a really rough week with no end in sight.

There was some hope when a revised plan was going well; however, it was quickly ruined by none other than Batman. Joker could not get ahead. He was this close to pulling his hair. 

He had to get away before his demons started airing the place out.

The whispers were getting louder and louder. ‘Stab him, strangle them...’ and his fingers itched to obey.. until he saw your disapproving face appear in his mind.

His Light would be devastated to find out his no killing streak reverted back to zero. He was doing so well too!  

For your sake, Joker managed to curb his urges, but after one of his goons screwed up and almost leaked the main hideout’s location online, enough was enough.  

Joker could not handle anymore. He forcibly removed himself from the situation with a clear destination in mind: your penthouse. He sought out your peaceful bubble, perhaps you could turn his bad mood back around. Joker had to get away before he did who knows what. 

And just Joker’s luck, his misfortunes followed him home. He was convinced he was cursed because this week was officially the worst.  

He struggled to open your front door (of all days the key would get stuck and that was after dropping them) he felt like a raging bull. Joker saw red and he needed an outlet to purge this negative energy into. He wouldn’t dare place it on you.  

No, he needed to be alone to sort this out. He felt a headache building and strangely enough, his eyes were tingling. Joker refused to believe he was going to cry.

No matter how horrendous his week was, Joker was not a crier. He refused to be weak in front of anyone and that included you.  

That thought made him pause in the foyer. Where were you anyways?  

He called out your name—only for silence to echo back. Of all the days you weren’t home.

J didn’t know if this were a good or a bad thing. He was glad you didn’t see him like this and yet, he kinda wished you were here to educate him on what to do.  

You were aptly named his lighthouse for your skills in leading out of the darkness. And right now, it was so dark, Joker couldn’t see the end of the tunnel. His mind was fighting against him and his emotions were getting the better of him. He didn’t feel like himself.   

He kicked his shoes off and ran a hand through his green tresses.

Your penthouse was pristine, a big burst of color and steeped with a whimsical flare.  

A candle burned safely in a votive nearby and its soothing scent went completely over Joker’s head. He was just too far gone for the little things to calm him down. It would take a herculean effort to get him back sane.. at least back to his normal sane self.  

You always demanded cleanliness and order. Everything had a place and right now, Joker felt like he didn’t belong. He considered trashing the place. The thought was too tempting to pass up. 

As much as Joker told himself to behave, he stomped his way down the hall, breaking anything his hands could get a hold of.

Once he entered the bedroom, he snatched a pillow off the bed and screamed into it. He remembered you saying once that it was a great way to relieve stress, but he still felt the same afterwards. Did he somehow do it wrong?  

His clown makeup was smudged all over the case, and it got his mind thinking. Yelling into a pillow was stupid. He quickly tore it into shreds.  

The imported feathers floated in the air, and they provoked his inner desire to destroy more. He knew you would be angry.  

Well touch luck, Joker was angry too.  

The other pillows suffered the same fate as Joker tore through the room like a tornado.

He would suffer the consequences of his actions later, each tear, every crack, satisfied the demons screaming in his head. A little broken furniture was better than a pile of dead bodies. He hoped you would understand.  

His rampage went on until he was out of breath and was slowly coming to his senses.

Sadly, Joker was still as angry as before. Nothing was working! Joker kicked over the decorative ottoman before belly flopping onto the bed.

Surprisingly, it survived his initial rage and despite his better judgement, Joker let out a gut wrenching yell that ended in a rare sob.  

Joker thought he was stronger than this. He royally failed for letting his emotions get the better of him. This week really took a toll on him, and he had exhausted every method to calm down. All except one.

Joker was powerless against the sudden wave of sleepiness taking him under after his rare show of emotions.  

He clung to the last pillow that smelled of you as you watched on from the doorway. 

Your poor clown was hurting.  

You weren’t ignorant to the levels of stress Joker was going through this week. His nights were longer, his tolerance weakened to the point he almost snapped at you a few times. 

Nothing ever went Joker’s way with the constant perfection he demanded for his criminal heists. He put too many expectations on himself and his goons. 

No one was perfect, case in point, you watched helplessly as Joker broke down. You would worry about cleaning up later. Your heart went out to Joker, who was so far removed from human emotions that he didn’t know he was having a meltdown.  

He didn’t even notice you coming home, he was so overwhelmed.  

He acted like a wounded animal, lashing out while on the verge of tears. Have you ever seen Joker cry before? The details didn’t matter.

You didn't dare to confront him during this rare lapse of character. He would be embarrassed and lash out, thus making things worse.  

You wisely waited in the shadows. When Joker was down for the count, you stepped into the bedroom to offer your silent support.  

You set your purse down and sighed at the mess Joker left behind before climbing into bed. J flinched in his sleep when you reached out for him but he slowly relaxed when his subconscious realized it was you.  

His Light was finally here to help whatever was ailing him.

You cooed softly when Joker tightened his grip on you as his breathing picked up. You didn’t want him waking up.  

Right now, he needed all the rest he could get. He was like a toddler all tuckered out after a tantrum. You let him sleep on your chest as you raked your hands through his green tresses.  

And when Joker woke up hours later in your arms, you simply smiled at him and wiped the dried tears from his cheeks. “You feeling better, J?” 

[genshin-obsessed]

Could I request headcanons of Diluc and Zhongli with an s/o who hates loud noises? Lightning, thunder, shouting, arguments, they scare her into silence.

✧ Hiya! I hope you like this ^w^ also i've finally decided to open requests back up to all characters. I do still have super low count of fics for the newer characters (like kaveh literally only has 1 fic lol), but I'm just not that into them as much. And I really miss the other characters ;w; ✧ Includes: Diluc, Zhongli ✧ Extra: it's been SO long since I've written for these two, I could cry.

✧Diluc✧

He didn't know you were scared of loud noises... at all. It's not exactly something that comes up without the situation

The first time he found out was when you two were at Angel's Share and there were some rowdy individuals in the bar. You flinched and almost immediately fell silent. He tried to keep talking to you, but you weren't really responding, other than nodding and just looking at your drink.

Unfortunately, the individuals weren't really doing anything wrong so he couldn't just kick them out. However, he opted to just remove you from the scene. Since he was with you, a late night walk would've been good. So, that's exactly what you did. He didn't ask, but he figured you'd probably didn't like loud noises.

Then there was a day where you had accidentally run into this one guy. Now, he wasn't... a bad guy, he just wasn't the greatest. He was having an off day, you ran into him, made him spill his drink AND HE WENT OFF.

You felt your entire body freeze up, even tears welling into your eyes. You were terrified and this guy was just screaming.

In came your knight and shining hero. Well... Darknight. Knowing that yelling at the guy would only upset you further, Diluc just opened to glare and point his claymore at the guy.

"Leave her alone." And he did. That guy ran. And fast.

Nowadays, Diluc is SUPER observant of everyone and everything. Looks like its gonna rain? He's already home and preparing some distractions for you. Does it look like someone's gonna fight? He's already leading you away to somewhere quiet. He makes sure all the dates are in more quiet places and he even has a few coping methods prepared for you.

✧Zhongli✧

Zhongli isn't usually in very rowdy places, so it took him longer to find out that you don't like loud noises.

When he first found out that you didn't like loud noises, it was during a firework show. You actually weren't even attending, but you were close by and heard it. You immediately froze up, your hands covering your ears and you just stopped talking. You and Zhongli were having a conversation but you just went silent.

Zhongli picked up on that pretty quickly and actually placed his hands over yours. When there was a silent moment, he made sure to escort you somewhere far away so that it was much quieter. That was the day Zhongli learned you didn't like loud noises.

Due to this, Zhongli makes sure he keeps an eye on your surroundings when you two spend time together. He'll often find excuses to go on walks if he sees some rowdy people showing up. He's not a fan of loud people either, he just doesn't have the same reaction as you.

There was a time when you were stuck in a big crowd of loud people and he had to physically help you out and take you somewhere quiet to just help you through the discomfort.

Zhongli will not stand for anyone raising their voice at you. If someone wants to yell at you, they can yell at him once you leave. And watch them try and stop him.

Zhongli has fought people before because they pushed you too far- effectively pushing him too far. Zhongli's like... extremely protective of you.

Zhongli may not fully understand why loud noises upset you, but they upset you so he takes them all seriously. The second he sees some of those traits come out (like you falling super quiet), he knows it's time to move. Zhongli has NEVER argued with someone for upsetting you, because he knows it'll only upset you further.

[ohnomytummy]

Hi, I have a story from this Thanksgiving that I thought this community would like, and I don't have a kink blog to post it to so I'm gonna share it here cause I know your box is always open. Lol

I'm relatively thin, severely underweight for a good chunk of my childhood, have always been poor so I've never gotten to indulge too much in feasting, not in this economy. But long backstory short, I had the house to myself for pretty much 4 days straight for Thanksgiving break, along with all the leftover food from the entire family thanksgiving.. I was asked to toss most of it because we didn't have room in the fridge and it would go bad, but I didn't want any of it to go to waste.. you can probably tell where his is going..

I have a pretty sensitive stomach since I get full pretty quick, and I'm also lactose intolerant and most meat makes me gassy (and sweaty for some reason?), but for some reason none of that mattered to me, I put a YouTube series I've been itching to watch on my phone and munched on everything that was in front of me which included:

-almost half of a turkey that had been sitting out on the table for a day

-a platter of cheese and cube/slice things and pepperoni/some other meat I forgot

-I wanna say maybe 20 small sugar cookies (the puffy Walmart ones with frosting)

-about 2 litres total of a miz of lemonade, sprite, ginger ale, and coca cola

- 5 bread rolls with melted cheese and butter

-uncounted handfuls old candy I still had from Halloween....

I didn't even realize I'd been eating so much, but I guess since it was all over the course of about a day (9 hours-ish?) It was gradual enough that I didn't realize I'd gone overboard until the end. I remember reaching for the next thing getting ready and thinking "wow i wonder how much ive eaten" and seeing that the answer was all of it. I was wearing an elastic tank top, and I looked down and holy shit I looked pregnant. The tank top is kind of long but there was maybe an inch of belly sticking out from underneath naturally, and the tank top itself was like vacuum sealed tight to my skin!

This is where stuff gets crazy. I put my hand on my stomach to rub it and I could feel it churning under my hand, from the inside ofc and through my belly. I'd been burping throughout the whole stuffing absent-mindedly, but now that it was all setting in, I felt like I was going to puke. I couldn't even feel nauseous at first, it was just PAIN in my middle and I could barely get up. I'm so glad I was alone because I was moaning and rubbing my belly with both hands, holding it as I tried to get up. I could feel myself bringing up burps with every exhale, they were like.. soft and quiet but also really deep and sick, coming out with every breath, like "... urrrrrrp.. hic-hurrrrrp... uurppp. ur-urrp... hic-hUuuurrrrrrrrrp..." and with groans after each one lmao. I made my way to the bathroom eventually and sat by the toilet, sure I was gonna be sick, but I wasn't. I almost wanted to be, but I think I was just too scared to puke. So I sat back against the tub, facing the toilet, my whole body was covered in a cold sweat atp and i was rubbing my belly, and I could feel every single rumble as it ripped through my stomach and rose up as a belch. I couldn't stop burping like I was just about crying on the bathroom floor, bloated as a tick, belching helplessly. After a few minutes the burps started slowing down, but they were much more wet when they did come up. I think the meat and lactose was probably digesting now because I actually started to feel queasy. I started holding in my burps in fear that the food might come up, but then the air started xoming out the back. Starting with small short toots, leading to nauseous farts that, much like the burps, WOULDNT STOP. I was uncontrollably farting, small short bursts every few seconds and idk how to describe it but the farts felt pukey somehow. My stomach was churning like crazy and I could hear it from the outside (still felt intense as I rubbed it too). All the while the original belches never really stopped, so I was just on the floor, gas from both ends pouring out. My stomach was so hard and tight it felt like a bowling ball attached to me and my shirt was so tight it was so hot in hindsight but I felt like I was dying in the moment. Anyways I eventually fell asleep on the floor, woke up feeling sick, burped and farted next to the toilet again and tried doing the doggy-style yoga pose (best that I could, anyways, with my bloated upset tummy still filled with rotting undigested Thanksgiving leftovers) and kept farting until out of nowhere I almost shat myself, I think the position I was in moved the air along but the air took some stuff with it, so now I had to abandon that and sit on the toilet with a trash bin next to me because I couldn't fit it between my legs (my tummy took up the room lol) and it was mostly just me being sick from both ends, along with super uncontrollable rumbly burps and farts that just would not ever fucking stop.

Once it was all out things went back to normal, other than me being really gassy for a few more days.

I will let my uh *cough* community have this 😳🥵

[jinxxedmisery]

I did a quick little sketch (by quick, I mean it took me like 2 hours lol) I still struggle with feet and shoes...

I just saw a pose on pinterest and thought omg, what if Astarion and my tav... but he's biting their thigh 🤭

Ofc, I had to name it.. thirst... and I added the "Happy" symbol to kind of cover a sketch I did on the same page... You know... it wasn't originally supposed to be just one piece, I was practicing poses and I liked this one way too much to just leave it or risk messing up when I redrew it.

This is entirely self indulgent.. and intended to be Spawn Astarion because he's so babygirl 🥰😘😍

🤣 also I don't think I posted but I got through the Cazador fight not too long ago.. and

Spoilers and dumb ramble ahead:

For most of my day, I sat there wondering how the fuck I would beat that bastard... he was one shotting Shadowheart with his fucking lightning bolt, then sending his gas minions after the survivors. Astarion being in the ritual made it 10× more difficult.. so... I cheated... and fuck... It should have been obvious...

I LITERALLY FORGOT FOR THE ENTIRE FUCKING DAY THAT VAMPIRES ARE WEAK TO SUNLIGHT.. I blame Astarion and his parasite as well as Alucard for that one honestly.. the day walker thing kind of made me forget that omfg immunity to daylight is an exception, not the rule..

So I felt stupid.. once I got that, it was so much easier.. oh and almost constantly had Astarion in stealth kill mode until Cazadick was gone.

Also side note.. the VA for Cazador is perfect.. Like they really sells the "I'm a pathetic little worm, and your worst nightmare, fear me while I bitch and cry" LOL and again that's a compliment.. Larian really succeeded in making an evil character extremely grating and hatable which again, a good thing, not a bad thing.

The heartbreak I felt though afterwards when Astarion screams and cries.. God.. the second I got to this scene, I KNEW I couldn't let him ascend, doing so would be so cruel.. and yes.. this is ascended Astarion slander, I don't like my men too domineering.. maybe a little bit, but not enough to like kill innocent children and eat their hands or some shit lmfao (Doing a durge run too.. where I'm going to ascend Astarion and be a horrible bastard that eats babies) and I don't like that he loses the genuine feelings he has for tav/durge and becomes what he sought to destroy, an abuser.

Now.. the graveyard scene... I had tears in my eyes.. Honestly, the reason I love Astarion so much is because he is quite relatable. I will not go into detail, but I was.. SAed and abused as a kid. And honestly.. Seeing the bit where he scratched out his death date, made me feel hope.. for myself... For my own healing.. it truly meant so much seeing another survivor of abuse begin anew, find themselves again... even though I have done that already myself for the most part, I've found purpose, passions, love, heartbreak, etc and I've found some level of beauty in the life. I related quite a lot to the line about sex feeling tainted.. I am at a point where it no longer feels as terrible, I feel genuine enjoyment in it... (Can't do casual sex though.. That would trigger me into a ptsd attack) And I think part of that was letting myself go at my own pace, making sure my partners knew, and having control and the ability to consent and revoke consent at any point. Emotional attachment helped a great deal too.

I've rambled on enough.. but... Let me end this off by saying, If you went through unspeakable horrors at the hands of those who you thought were supposed to protect you, You are not alone, Even if you do not see it now, there is light at the end of the tunnel, keep on living, keep trying to find joy in little things. It does get better, what was done to you was horrible and you did not deserve it. I promise, you will see better days. You will be happy again, even if you feel like the pain will never end, there is always moments of calm.... live for those... live for your pets, live for your friends, the people around you, live for that cute thing you just ordered, live for that movie or TV series you're excited about watching... even the next patch for bg3.. or more Astarion content if that's your reason right now... and take it one day at a time. You will be okay.

If you need to vent out some shit, I'll listen, I may not know what to say or be able to offer comfort, but I will always lend an ear, even to a total stranger if they need it.

That's all from me, goodbye, until my next post.. whenever that will be ❤🖤❤🖤

[tumorhead]

RIP Piper the Cat, 2006-2024

Life details below

This is the first cat that I've been the one to care for that has died, and the first cat in general I'd been around for the death of. She died simply from old age, so she wasn't in distress at the end, just getting sleepy and slow. She had been quickly deteriorating for several days and had stopped eating (I have been crying SOOO much) and we finally called the mobile vet so she could be put to sleep, and she went peacefully at home in my arms. These last few days she got to enjoy lots of outside time in the summer sun lying in the cool grass- all off her leash too since her mobility was so reduced. She got to be around a bunch of our friends all weekend too- she loved to be near everyone.

We got her 10 years ago when we had a "friend" move in - he had been neglecting her badly (I was SO PISSED at him!!) so when he left we kept her. She was underweight and had permanent nerve damage in her ears from untreated ear mites, as well as kidney issues. I was able to fatten her up and get her into good health. But in the last few years she's been properly elderly (she got thin, started losing her ability to jump) and we knew her time would be soon.

She had the smarts and the stealth of a high level rogue. Her black color made her impossible to see in the dark, and she knew when to wait patiently for an opportunity (to escape or steal food). Often though this just meant she got stepped on (dammit Piper!!). She escaped 2 times right when her previous owner left, a few days each time. She found her way back 🙌 Recently she got out for a few hours and I only found out when I heard her meowing from OUTSIDE. babygirl you coulda gotten hurt 😭

She loved boxes and would get into empty ones immediately. When she was younger she was a renowned shoulder cat. She used to be able to jump from the floor to my husband's shoulders (a good 6 feet). She'd try to get on your shoulders any chance she got, like if you bent over. As she aged she slowly lost her jumping ability which was so sad to see, we got her some step stools and were helping her up a lot.

Our other cats, half her age, had differing opinions- Mo the boy would be sweet on her and play with her very gently (he's huge and muscular and she was always small and frail but he knew to not wrestle her). Piper would chase him around in return. (in March we were building Ikea furniture and Piper got so hyped at the fun boxes that she BODYSLAMMED Mo it was so funny). Mo is gonna be sad about Piper being gone.

Sweatpants, Mo's sister, HATED Piper. She took 5 years to tolerate being anywhere close to her, lots of hissing and smacking. Rude at the old lady!! At the end though she left Piper alone at least.

Piper was the only cat I've ever had that LOVED being held especially in the winter. One time I strained my shoulders because I held her for 2 hours. She would beg to be picked up. She would get in your lap and would even lay on my husband's arms while he was actively using his computer. She didn't care that you needed your arms to do stuff.

She liked to sleep in a box on my desk while I worked. I crocheted her a little wool blanket for her box with my scrap blanket yarn (pictured above). She is now buried in it 💔. She liked to look at art (????).

She was very social and loved to hang out with everyone. She would yowl and bring toys trying to get us to come out of hiding if she thought people were gone. Usually we were just SLEEPING though, lol she was soooo loud.

She was almost entirely fearless. Barring street traffic and going to weird places she gave 0 fucks. She used to be an indoor/outdoor cat so she got bored stuck inside our house. In her search for new stimuli she would get into the middle of EVERYTHING you were doing. Doesn't matter if you were actively using power tools or moving heavy furniture - she would get in the way. She didn't even mind the vacuum! When my other cats ran away in fear of sounds or whatever she wouldn't budge. Couldn't be bothered.

A few years ago I got her trained on a harness and leash to let her get outside again. She begrudged the harness but took to it immediately anyway and loved it. She would CONSTANTLY beg to go outside. She begrudged the boundaries (no you can't go in the woodchuck hole, no you can't stick your nose in the cactus, no its below freezing outside today) but she loved chasing chipmunks and eating grass (was very fond of the prairie dropseed in particular). I am so happy that she departed during warm weather- I was worried she'd go in winter and not get to enjoy one last springtime.

She would only eat ONE kind of dry cat food even though wet food was always also available. We eventually found out she loves milkfat and grease so she got lots of treats of butter & cheese & hamburger & bacon. Because she was so thin these the last few years it helped keep weight on her. she CAN haz cheezburger! This made her even more annoying about getting into people food lol.

In November our friend moved in with us because she was dealing with a nasty divorce and got kicked out of her condo. She moved into our spare room, which was Piper's little exclusive territory. Luckily my friend likes cats and accepted her "roommate". She immediately doated on her soooo much. She got Piper special healthy treats and they became best friends- Piper even put on some weight from the treats! (We found the "too many treats" limit at one point lol). I'm so glad Piper got even more attention in her last few months. (When my friend paid attention to the other cats she felt like she was "cheating on Piper"). My friend saw a lot of herself in the cat. She has helped me a ton in dealing with Piper's last days and I appreciate it so much. My friend even said she wished she'd moved in sooner to have gotten more time with the cat.

Piper was disgusting, she puked up grass often, she was LOUD (she'd meow for things and if she didn't think you heard her she'd look you in the eye and yell louder), she'd find things to rattle (food dish, door) to demand food. She would escape into the basement (not allowed!) and get into the crawlspace and come back covered in spiderwebs. She'd yowl sooooo much at night, the most annoying. She'd get into food left out. She was an obnoxious little gremlin !!! and we loved her anyway.

I knew when we took her in that she'd be the one to teach me about death, as I am an unexperienced idiot when it comes to that. Putting her in the ground felt so weird and hurt so much, but now I know about that sort of thing. I am thankful for that, and that I got to take care of her and give her a spoiled, pampered, comfortable life. I am thankful that I was able to see her go peacefully, and that she trusted us with her final days.

I have buried her in our yard in one of my perennial flower beds, under the big beech tree. She will live on with us through the garden, becoming flowers and trees, which I think is the best kind of afterlife. That way it feels like she's still with us. I am glad she has impacted several other people and we are all crying about her. Thank you Piper for coming into my life. Everyone loved you so much. Rest in peace old lady. I love you.

[starlitangels]

Why I'm 'The' Avior Fan

for @plaqying's little Awards event!

I have quite a few reasons

The first is that he's been my favorite character since I first heard his playlist and made myself obnoxious on this blog about that fact

Basically, the brainrot took hold and I was one of the ones who was constantly thinking about his story and proposing potential theories for where his plotline was going

I listened to his playlist so many times, trying to pick out any tiny little obscure details for lore and hints and clues, and I made a lot of posts about it

Another big reason I could be considered "the" Avior fan is that I have had people tag me in Avior fan art that others had done with captions like "Star, I think you'll want to see this" (I did). My reputation for being That One Person who was Unbelievably Down Bad/Obsessed had spread enough that people would see Avior and one of their thoughts when they reblogged it was to tag me because they knew I'd go wild over it (I did)

Does crying my eyes out for the entire 45 minute Truth audio count as a reason? Because my investment was so deep and my heartbreak was so much that I literally couldn't stop? Thank the heavens I was home alone at the time my husband would have been so confused lol

I don't know if I've written the most Avior fanfiction out there but I definitely wrote a lot and quite a few of them got a lot of response about being pretty good, so I'll take that

I also wrote some heartbreakingly angsty Avior headcanons that got me (affectionately) yelled at iirc

Also, I started learning how to draw again after a... multi-year hiatus because I specifically wanted to draw pieces of Avior and Starlight's story #Dedication

My profile picture has almost always been some variation of my version of Starlight

You could literally ask anyone who are regulars in my notes "Which Redacted voiced character do you associate with Star" and I guarantee most of them would say Avior maybe Elliott if they found me during that one specific era last spring but that's beside the point

A very kind soul on my birthday one year drew a doodle of Avior giving me a cupcake. Said kind soul didn't even have to ask who would make me the happiest to receive a cupcake from

I am, literally, like, The Avior Person to a lot of people around here and you can ask around and they would probably tell you that immediately

Lastly, my energy for keeping up with Redacted kinda faded in this last little while it will be back, I guarantee you but even when I was starting to feel myself pulling away a little, I will still drop everything and run to grab my headphones when Avior gets his rare uploads

Oh did I say lastly? Too bad I'm still going I literally have done more fan art for Avior than any other character in the history of me learning how to draw. I also consistently tag posts about him with "Sarcastic Demon my beloved" because, again, he is my beloved XD

This one specific character just kinda grabbed me and refused to let go and there were many days of washing dishes filled with me relistening to Sovereign State over and over and over again

Also Erik dropped Other Side by Anberlin as "a song with Avior vibes" and it immediately got added to like three playlists of mine because it slapped and also broke my heart but that was right before the Truth audio and it still breaks my heart but this is slightly less relevant

[perexcri]

44, 50, 71, 77, if you're still doing the book asks from a few days ago!!!

hello lovely it is never too late to get me to talk about books ever✨

(though only two of these have pics unlike my last asks, mostly because i borrowed the third one from a friend and the fourth one is not worthy of a picture <3)

44. your favourite fantasy novel

The Poppy War trilogy by R. F. Kuang!!

R. F. Kuang is one of my favorite writers of all time, and she absolutely won me over last year when i read this trilogy. i already went on and on about it in another ask, but basically, imagine 20th century Chinese history in a fantasy setting heavily influenced by folk religions told through the eyes of Mao Zedong if he was a girl. it's sooooooo so good, has one of the best and most flawed and nuanced female protagonists i've ever read, plus it's just interesting to learn from! Kuang is getting her PhD in Chinese lit right now and she has a Master's in Chinese Studies, on top of being the child of immigrants from China, so she's well-versed in the history and weaves a lot of depth into the story with relation to topics like colonialism, genocide, classism and sexism, and religion

50. a book that made you cry a LOT

Bridge of Clay by Markus Zusak!!

ok i'm actually lying because i don't remember actually crying about this book - in fact, i vividly remember being 13 and crying much more violently upon my first read of The Book Thief. here's the thing, though: there's a deep and personal sadness to this book that hit close enough to some of my own experiences that i haven't been able to read it since. i love Zusak's writing so much and this book was beautiful and heartbreaking and wonderful - and i will probably never read it again! i've reread books that made me cry before, but when one makes me feel this deep of an ache, i tend to avoid it, and this book hit just the right spot

71. your favourite LGBTQ+ fiction

I Kissed Shara Wheeler by Casey McQuiston!!

ok this is kinda sad but i actually haven't read a lot of books that are specifically focused on LGBTQ+ issues, identity, etc. i've read more books where background characters are incidentally queer ofc because when i was the prime ya target audience that was where things were at the time, but thankfully the times have changed!! now if only my tbr list would catch up to match them lol

i really enjoyed this book though specifically because of its setting: a tiny private Christian school in the Bible Belt. that's literally the kind of school i attended for almost my entire life, so it was so fun to get to see that setting transferred into fiction, especially from an author who also attended a tiny private Christian school in the Bible Belt. and because of the author's familiarity with the subject, they did a great job of showing the kind of layers that environment has, and that queer kids do grow up in those environments and how that effects them.

plus, this one was a fun read because it's just this fun mystery, and the opening quote is from Mr. Brightside. that alone is enough of a reason to read something tbh

77. a book so useless that you could use it as a coaster

i would argue literally any required reading i had to do in high school, but it's absolutely tied between Silas Marner by George Eliot and Pilgrim's Progress by John Bunyan. i hate both of these books just as much as i did in high school because they are boring as hell, beat you over the head with their moralizing, and have the subtlety of a punch to the face with brass knuckles. hell, they aren't even worth being used as coasters. i think they'd ruin my mugs if i set them on them

and on that note, thank you so much for the ask!! i'm not scuttling over to your inbox to send some questions of my own heheheh 💜💜💜

[fonulyn]

3 fic questions:

1: Which fic took you the longest to write?

2: Which fic did you have the most fun writing?

3: Which fic was the "fine! I'll do it myself!" fic?

ohhhh these are so hard :'D but let's try!

...and I'm gonna apologize in advance because two and three are gonna have so many answers, but I've literally written over 200 RE fics so it's impossible for me to choose 😅 i'm sorry and bear with me.

only the courage to continue counts (Piers/Leon, re4 au, past!Krauser/Leon)

this one was easy lol. it took me a long long time mostly because it's 93k, which is like three times as long as my next longest fic. simply getting out that many words took a while! also, I almost gave up after chapter 4 because literally no one was reading it and I wondered if it's worth it to keep going. had a good cry about it, lol, and angsted about it for a bit. but re4 is my favorite (surprise!) so I decided it'd be worth it. and honestly? I think it was. it's a good fic. I'm happy with how it turned out. ...but i don't think i have another this long fic in me tbh, i just can't do it alone.

2. this is trickier because there's so many :'D first, the entire pinnacle of self-indulgence series because it's what I return to when I want something low-stress, no expectations, where I can just have them be as domestic as I want. it hasn't always been tons of fun, because sometimes i use it to vent other feels, but it means a lot to me.

smooth talking, Nivans, very smooth was also tons of fun, making Piers put his foot in his mouth repeatedly just because of how into Leon he is? :'D it still makes me grin lol.

also the other maybe-a-little-cracky-ones; maybe he's born with it (the is Leon a true blond??? fic), the prettiest agent with the prettiest hair (the Piers stress-braids Leon's hair fic), and how to accidentally get adopted - a guide by Piers Nivans (Piers accidentally keeps calling Chris "dad" and gets sorta adopted by him and Leon) - idk i guess I really enjoy writing stuff that's not exactly very serious :'D

i also had a shitton of fun writing three words to last forever, even if two of its three endings have major character death in them lol. but i've always wanted to do a choose-your-own-ending fic! so it was super fun! if i had the energy i would love to do another where you get to choose different paths, but they all lead to the same ending eventually.

others I had tons of fun writing include winter lovin' (there's snow one like you) where Piers and Leon vacation in Finland (yay!), you're feeding the fire within me where they get a dose of Rebecca's new Super-Viagra (a sex-pollen fic lol), driving deep into your heart which is a completely random au where Piers is a motorcycle racer :'D, carpe diem (seize the day) which is a smutty genderswap fic, and fall in love so easy where Leon learns he enjoys being called pet-names.

i'm just gonna stop now because otherwise I'm gonna end up listing twenty more. but honestly, like I said before, I've written 200+ RE fics so :'D this is hard lmao. I genuinely like most fics I've written. and I genuinely enjoyed writing most of them. I'm sorry this is such a non-answer :'D

3. this also has the potential to become a mess like question number two lmao. the vast majority of what I write is "fine! I'll do it myself!" fics. like, almost every single Piers/Leon fic I've written belongs in this category since, well, if I don't no one will :'D also a lot of my Krauser/Leon are things I wanted but didn't find (although I gotta give a shoutout to the pair in general, there are a lot of quality metaltango fics out there that I could never do).

aside from that, after scrolling through my fics, I realized most of the fics I wrote after not finding what I wanted to read are ...porn :'D lmao I often go look for something specific, don't find it, and have no choice but to do it myself!

as examples, I am the light that shall lead you to darkness (Wesker/Chris dubcon, I just wanted Chris to get nailed lmao), without hope, without fear (Jason/Leon monsterfucking, and I gotta say, I'm still bummed the pairing didn't take off at all it's got all kinds of potential goddamnit [also I keep wanting to write another of these two but ehhh] but i won't rant more here), on an all time high (Leon/Queen Plaga, I just... had a major need :'D), lost control (Leon/Lickers, what can I say, I had a major need lmaooo), kiss before the fall (Jake/Piers, this pairing deserves so much more love ok), ravishing (Chris/Jill, I just wanted Jill worshipped ok, and there's another similar one rattling in my brain but I haven't gotten to writing it, idk if i ever will).

so like. smut :'D apparently I have specific likes and have to cater to myself lmao.

OKAY BUT now I'll shut up for real. thank you for the ask! gave me a perfect excuse to reread my own fics lol. and I'm sorry for such non-answers :'D I just can't choose lol.

[flesh-of-a-hare]

now, come out with your hands up, we've got you surrounded...

fun fact, i've been sitting on the idea of making a rough animation/animatic based off this slice of this song for like,, forever, at this point! and yes it would've been essentially just this but with Flourish(tm)

the Bitter Bones Saga Lore behind this explained:

originally, this was gonna be based off the (extremely cringy) on-going Bitter Bones Saga (where my self insert/sona is a coworker of Sun and Moon, whom Sun and Moon can't stand, and the entire plot is how this mentally ill bitch is like, anti-coping over it)

The two silhouettes in the first part that are mocking Bones ("Well, well, look who's again, went out to look for some reason to hide again") are mental representations of Sun and Moon (but simplified to rlly basic silhouettes here bc i was afraid of being too cringe on main). The reasoning is bc i was picturing that it starts with Bones having a rough day working with Sun and Moon. they wave at the kids as theyre leaving but can tell neither Sun nor Moon wants them there so they go into a closet/storage room to get away for a moment, trying to take a deep breath and mentally orient themselves.

That's when their Inner Bones (the pink rabbit silhouette with pointy teeth) starts mocking them, purposefully antagonizing them and ripping them a new one. the Sun and Moon silhouettes are more of what they imagine Sun and Moon are thinking of them, secretly making fun of them behind their back, more than they are like Sun and Moon are actually there and saying those things.

the "Well, well, buddy, you found it" is Inner Bones holding up a mirror, basically saying 'YOU are the reason you shouldve stayed home. you're stupid, you're dumb, you're cringe, you only ever make a fool of yourself and inconvenience the people around you. stupid lil idiot. fuck u'. and Bones reacts by attacking 'Inner Bones' (except, in reality, it's just a mirror, symbolism for how they're attacking themselves, ik ik very deep) bc damn bitch i know ok shut the fuck up!!!

the last part, which has no lyrics bc im lazy, was originally going to be Sun or Moon opening the door to the storage/clsoet or whatever and being like ?????? tf is going on in here, as Bones stands over a busted mirror, probably crying like an idiot. Them turning into a small demon-rabbit creature is more like symbolism for how it feels to be caught in the middle of having a mental break down, like you're caught in your most animalistic state, a deer caught in headlights, and you know the other person is looking at you like you're a freak of nature.

the ending would've been Sun/Moon being like 'what r u up to in here???' where there's this long pause before Bones turns around with an almost-normal-person-like facade up, smiling as though they arent bothered and weren't just attacking a mirror. "i was looking for something but accidentally knocked something over, i'll go get the broom and clean up!!" and they walk out with a fake, cold, empty expression on their face, leaving Sun/Moon standing alone, looking down at the broken glass and smears of blood silently. but im lazy so i didnt draw that part lol

[anxiouspotato]

Happy December!

I decided that I wanted to share a special song this month. I grew up on older country music (obviously lol) and the song Almost Home by Craig Morgan has always been impactful to me, and on bad days has the ability to make me step back and re-evaluate my choices and sometimes I get a good cry in. If you've been following me for any amount of time, you'll also know I really love Jelly Roll--I always seem to relate to his songs. So you can imagine the delight I had a few years ago when I first watched Craig Morgan and Jelly Roll perform the song Almost Home on the Opry stage together. The song Almost Home holds dear memories to Jelly and during a pivotal moment in his life helped him decide that he wanted to make others feel just like he felt in the moment watching Craig perform. Since I've already shared several of Jelly's songs, we know he succeeded with that. Believe it or not, this isn't where it ends though. I have more. Recently, Craig Morgan decided to re-record some of his older songs with other artists and released Almost Home with Jelly Roll. I can't even begin to explain how excited I was when they finally released the audio and it popped into my YouTube recommended. I've been wishing for a studio version of Almost Home with Jelly and Craig together, and I was crying before I clicked the link. I'm always apprehensive about songs recorded with/by other artists, but I knew that this would be beautiful. I think I cried the entire length of the song--it was just so perfect. I now have a new favorite version of that song, and can't get over the beauty. The two of them succeeded in making an already impactful song make me feel things I haven't felt in a very long time. I have ugly cried to it so many times already. Tonight, I'm sharing Almost Home. I'll include the original version just in case somebody isn't interested in the duet. Craig Morgan's new album is called Enlisted in case anybody is interested in listening to the other songs on it, but I would appreciate it if you all would give this particular song a listen. You won't regret it.

Happy Holidays!

See you next year.

^Just Craig Morgan--the original version

^Craig and Jelly's original performance at the Opry--includes Jelly's story and totally worth the watch/listen

^Original version with just Craig again on Spotify

^Craig and Jelly on Spotify

Lyrics:

He had plastic bags wrapped 'round his shoes He was covered with the evening news Had a pair of old wool socks on his hands The bank sign was flashing five below It was freezing rain an' spittin' snow He was curled up behind some garbage cans I was afraid that he was dead I gave him a gentle shake When he opened up his eyes I said, "Old man are you ok?"

He said, I just climbed out of a cottonwood tree I was runnin' from some honey bees Drip dryin' in the summer breeze After jumpin' into Calico creek I was walkin' down an old dirt road Past a field of hay that had just been mowed Man I wish you'd just left me alone 'Cause I was almost home

Then he said, I was just comin' round the barn 'Bout the time he grabbed my arm When I heard momma holler, son hurry up I was close enough for my own nose To smell fresh cobbler on the stove And I saw daddy loadin' up the truck Cane poles on the tailgate Bobbers blowin' in the wind Since July of '55 That's as close as I've been

Yeah, I just climbed out of a cottonwood tree I was runnin' from some honey bees Drip dryin' in the summer breeze After jumpin' into Calico creek I was walkin' down an old dirt road Past a field of hay that had just been mowed Man I wish you'd just left me alone I was almost home

I said, "Old man you're gonna freeze to death Let me drive you to a mission" He said, "Boy if you'd left me alone Right now I'd be fishin'

I just climbed out of a cottonwood tree I was runnin' from some honey bees Drip dryin' in the summer breeze After jumpin' into Calico creek I was walkin' down an old dirt road Past a field of hay that had just been mowed Man I wish you'd just left me alone 'Cause I was almost home (almost home)

Man I wish you'd just left me alone I was almost home

[tardis--dreams]

My professor replied. So of course I'm doing the normal thing and instead of reading his email, I have an anxiety attack and cry a little

[these-detestable-hands]

You're fine. I'm fine with talking about rape and related stuff, I just don't like talking about my own experience.

Anyway

The first thing you said about religion providing what someone currently wants. No, I don't feel like that. If I see that my religion cannot provide me with what I want then I reevaluate if it's something that would actually be good for me. Really sad example, but I have been struggling with self harm but I know that it is something my religion is against, in favor of instead asking loved ones or God for help. Therefore, I do not do self harm and instead talk to friends or pray when I have those kinds of urges. My religion is a part of who I am and I don't think that's ever changing.

And yes, I've also heard that not all Christians pray before meals, just that it is common. I'm also very aware that keeping a Bible in the living room is nothing. When visiting loved ones of the same religion as me then I was surprised they have so much religious stuff around the house. My grandparents have an entire alter and a friend of mine has religious decor everywhere. A lot of it is sheep themed because our denomination puts great importance on animals, especially sheep because of the "The Lord is my shepherd" verse, comparing God to a shepherd and people to being His sheep.

I have also visited a church town in the US and I felt right at home there. Not only was everyone just as religious as me, but the culture was different from Denmark so I just clicked with people instantly.

Yes and sex. I know not having sex education at all is worse than what Denmark has. Yes we have underage sex, but we have very few teen pregnancies and almost no sex crime because we are taught about protection and the importance of consent. Still, I do sometimes envy countries where sex is a taboo subject. On multiple occasions then I didn't do any homework related to those books we've had to read because the mention of sex was too much (this was also back when I hadn't made as much progress with healing from my own experience so I was a lot more sensitive).

Denmark is also an extremely feminist country. Our current prime minister is a woman and the majority of our priests are as well. I really do not envy Malaysia's treatment of women and I love living somewhere where I know I'm safe being alone in public and won't have opportunities denied on the basis of my gender. Denmark is also very progressive with sexual minorities. Not so much trans people but again, it's definitely better than extremely conservative countries.

I don't speak from experience but the Danish legal system supposedly also is very kind to SA survivors and always prioritizes helping the victim.

Yeah, one day (some years down the line) then you'll have to visit! I'd love to show you around :] it'd be awesome!

And?? Oh my gosh?? That's so sweet, I'd cry if you gave me a handmade gift lol

Damn. Saw your post about being a minority POC in Denmark and how you've always got confused with Middle Eastern people, Muslims, or... Catholics? Feels like a toil to get through.

Does make me wanna ask about your stance on the "where are you from?" question. I know it's a question with justifiable bad rep, especially when that person does see themselves as part of the local community, their looks be damned. But I also know I would love to ask something like this because I wanna learn about that person's life thoughts and experiences.

If I were to ask you something like this in real life, Pie, how would you wish I would go about my wording? So that the answers elicited from you will be interesting, it will tell me more about you, feel cordial, and make you feel comfortable?

My go-to answer for this question involves taking as long as physically possible to give the person the answer that they want. I know they only ask it because they want to know why I'm brown, so I take forever to actually get there. A very normal outcome is this:

Them: where are you from?

Me: a town about a 15 minute's drive from here

T: where are you originally from?

M: well, I used to live in a different region of the country, I think my accent is mostly gone though

T: before that?

M: before we moved to Denmark then my family lived in England, that's where I was born, but I only lived there for about 3 years

T: where are your parents from?

M: my dad was born and raised in Denmark

T: and your mom?

M: oh, she's Brazilian

They stop asking questions after I finally say my mom's Brazilian lol

Also in regards to religion, most Danes really do not know much about other religions. They know there's Christians and they think there's just protestants and catholics. Most aren't even aware that they're lutherins!! They also know of Muslims and Jews but nothing about the actual religions. I know some Danes know of Ramadan, but that's mostly only if they have an Islamic classmate.

Growing up, I was constantly asked "why aren't you getting confirmed?" so I'd have to explain that I'm not a protestant or a catholic. They'd always get surprised and insist there's only two types of Christians and I'd said there's tens of thousands of denominations. At that point, they get confused and bored and give up before I can do my spiel about my very tiny denomination

[elvisabutler]

lol please keep angst coming

so i did almost delete this but you know what i'm just gonna use it as an excuse to post the austin side of all this angst. is this necessarily a blurb? i don't know. it's a lot of words. i know that. and yes i might have had atlantis by seafret on for the entire time i've been writing this. blame spotify i think? tw: angst, death mentions not of the main people, leaked photos ( vanessa hudgens ), minor breeding kink implication, sexual themes, the general character bleed bs that comes with this pa! reader and austin, age difference, dom/sub.

we built this town on shaky ground

so consider the following. austin butler had been in a relationship for almost ten years to a woman that to this day he'll admit he at least somewhat loves. they had gone through a lot together. her father dying, his mother dying. her trying to process the likely lingering trauma of her photos being leaked when she was only 18. him trying and he'll admit this kind of failing to be seen as anything other than the pretty boy eye candy. it paid the bills he wasn't complaining, but this is the same man who printed out pulp fiction at 12 years old. he wanted more.

so when they break up- it's mutual, they'll always swear and because honestly it's no one's business why they broke up beyond that. and he thinks this is the time to just maybe have a fling, do something that isn't fall back into another long term relationship. doesn't necessarily want to be alone, doesn't necessarily want to be sleeping through all of young-ish hollywood. so meeting you? oddly great timing, he's heard a rumor or two about you. doesn't know if he should believe them until he actually meets you in person.

meeting you in person blew whatever thoughts he had right out of the water. baz puts you on the floor and you twiddle your ring and god. this is a problem. this is vanessa all over again isn't it? this is i'm going to careen into being wrapped around this woman's finger. except maybe not because- maybe you'll be wrapped up in each other. this. this is better. that is better.

he couldn't have predicted everything else. a quarantine that has him dropping food off to you like he's some superspy. that has him watching you sleep. that has him falling in love with you bit by bit. you don't fall in love in a month. but you do in six with you at his feet and his hand in your hair and he's got the best little dove in the whole wide world. he's seeing you blissed out on the bed or laying in the bathtub because whatever work out you decided to do for the week just made your muscles hurt. you're it. you're the beginning and the end of everything during those months. you as priscilla and him as elvis and who's who any more is anyone's guess.

the set is taking care of you, is seeing you in a dress like priscilla's and having to excuse himself because- he and vanessa had talked about getting married only for "or i guess we could be like goldie hawn and kurt russell" to leave his lips and her to swat him playfully. but seeing you like that? seeing you all dolled up has him buying a ring identical to priscilla's. he doesn't realize how wrong it is at the time because nothing seems wrong at the time. but he does later on. it's seeing you pregnant as priscilla and fucking you so hard as if he can override your patch in a fit of stupidity because neither one of you need a baby right now. it's later on that day that he's realized that he can't- he's stopped dreaming of a life post elvis without you.

it's filming the scene where priscilla leaves elvis and he breaks down crying against you. "dove, don't- you can't leave me okay? i can't handle that after ness and my mom. you're my girl. my little dove and i'll be your daddy. i won't leave you but please don't leave me." "i won't daddy." "tell me if it gets this bad. i'll fix it." "i will."

consider the fact that you don't and everything starts to keep blurring because they're in the home stretch of the film and austin can tell he's lost himself but he can't drag himself back up because other than maybe ashley and vanessa if he squints you're the only one who could pull him back. you do pull him back when you're in the apartment some times but not always. you've lost yourself and he's lost himself and it all comes to a head at the hospital.

you call him crying after him thinking your name is cilla and you finding the ring and the onesie he wanted to put your potential oops baby- named crystal lori he thinks- in and he's feeling a little more clear headed and "what's wrong, dove? i'll make them let me out, tell me what's wrong!"

you leave him and just call him to tell him that in a car. he has to pay an extra fee for the damage he might have caused to the room. he doesn't get angry ever but he figures he had one leftover elvis tantrum in himself.

you're gonna leave him, fine. he said he wouldn't leave you so he'll take it. "keep in touch, dove. i said i wouldn't leave you. i'm here for you."

and you do on occasion which he realizes- might have been a problem. he should have let you have the clean break. but he knew- he knew you still talked to papi and that man did damage to you he's not even sure you realize. so sue him for being selfish. for being that selfish daddy like all the rest.

so he lets himself enjoy his first year of his thirties and the tail end of his twenties. there's lily who he adores but he should have known better. there's olivia who is great and sometimes his brain wanders to another time and place where he could have switched for her if she had gotten the part. but then there's you in that dress with the boy who can't satisfy you and he's been good, he hasn't said anything but that dress and seeing his necklace still around your throat with your collar in his dresser? yeah that breaks him.

he drinks and spews filth and you're calling him butler and then he's blocked and kaia? kaia reminds him of you enough to not be painful but enough to make him think he's got a new little dove. until he meets her mom and realizes no- this isn't fair to any of you. so he breaks it off and tells her, "you're going to find a great guy, but it's not gonna be me. i'll be your friend though. if you need it."

and consider. the met happens after that and he should have told you then that he wanted to keep you forever. he didn't.

but he fixes it at cannes. and maybe that's how it was supposed to go. maybe that's how you were supposed to be all along. he doesn't dwell, after all isn't that what got you two in trouble in the first place?

[atsuwiee]

when you tell them to leave you during an argument (enhypen).

i honestly don't know how to construct the title but here it is:,)

warnings: angst, having an argument, swearing/cursing. this is pretty long so get ready i guess lol

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

heeseung

"are we really doing this again?" he asks. you averted your eyes when he spoke. "look at me, y/n" there was a sudden raise in his voice- but not too loud. you stood up from your seat leaving the untouched food. "i'm tired, heeseung, please let's call it a night" you say with your back facing him. "what's with you all of a sudden?! just a while ago you were doing fine now you've completely shut down, i just can't understand you–!" the loudness of his voice made you flinch, it was rare for you both to have a heavy argument. "just– please leave– leave me alone" you say. heeseung could hear your voice breaking and he knows he shouldn't have lashed out like that. he hears the room of your door shut, leaving him with guilt.

jay

"so you hear me when i call you for diner, but can't hear me when i ask you to take a day off work?" he says. "i can't just do that, my job isn't that easy" you said, and he knew that. jay's point was is he wanted you to take a day off so he could spend time with you now that he's on break for a while. "you even did the same to me. you even missed a date–" "i almost missed it, but i arrived, didn't i?" he shot back, you already sensed where this conversation was going. "i have a career, y/n– and it's different from your job" jay said and something in that sentence just offended you. "my job is a career too, jongseong, it doesn't make it different from you being an idol" you already lost your appetite to eat so you stood up from the table. "you know what– if you're just going to make a big fuss about this then it's better that you leave me" "then i am" he said standing up from his seat, furiously heading to the door. now there's him outside guilt filling in him and you staring at the door wondering if he'll step in back again.

jake

the air in your shared room with jake was tense. both of you were at the verge of screaming at each other because of a reason jake has mistook. "how can helping a friend take that fucking long! you were more than late, y/n!" jake said with his voice gradually getting louder. "well it's better than ditching you!" you shot back. yes, you were late for a date because you stayed at your workplace to help a friend out with the files on her computer. "look- i said my reason, jaeyun. if you don't want to believe me then so be it" you say and jake was left silent. "it's better for you to leave me alone if we'll be like this the entire night" you say. jake's feet suddenly felt like they were glued onto the floor, you walk pass by him out of your shared room and he couldn't seem to move anymore. once your door shut, jake let out all his emotions. "what the hell did i just do?" he asks the air, while the dim light surrounded him, with guilt slowly eating him up.

sunghoon

"you didn't do the dishes... again" you say as you approach sunghoon who was sitting on his couch. "y/n i just got home from work, i'm tired alright-" "sunghoon i'm tired too- so could you at least can clean the shit you used after eating so things would much be easier" you said, cutting him off. you do understand that he's tired considering a hectic schedule at work, but it didn't sit right with you when he couldn't do basic cleaning. "it's just the dishes, y/n- are we going to have to argue about this?" he said standing up and facing you, clearly irritated "i get that you're tired from work- but shit- what about me? i take care of this fucking apartment when you're gone for weeks or even months, just because of your work! and you can't even consider that maybe i'm tired too and doing something simple would be nice?!" you lashed out on him. sunghoon still kept a calm expression and it pisses you off even more that he looks like he doesn't care. "if you don't care about it at all, then it's best you leave me now" you say. "y/n wait-" but too late, your bedroom door is now shut closed. sunghoon was now left with the dirty dishes to be cleaned "i hope y/n comes out once i finish" sunghoon said with his hopes high up.

sunoo

you were greeted by sunoo at the door, it was an ungodly hour for him to be at your home. his reason? sunoo was very worried to why you weren't answering or calling him, to later find out that you had forgotten to tell him you were out with your friends. "sunoo you're acting like a child- i'm a busy person and wanted to go get some time off with my friends, so of course it slipped out of my mind!" you explain, with a very frustrating tone. "y/n- it's two in the fucking morning! of course i'm more than worried" sunoo said, worry still evident in his tone. "i said what i said, okay?! now stop acting like that! it won't happen again, alright?!" you realized that you were now raising your voice at your boyfriend who was just worried about you. "i'm sorry... go leave now and go back home, we still have school later on" you say. "make sure this doesn't happen again, you know how i can be a little too worried" sunoo said with a soft tone now and headed out the door. you started to regret having to act that way "he was just concerned why did i even lash out?" you say. "did i overreact?" sunoo asks the air, both of you slowly consuming guilt.

jungwon

"you never listen to me, y/n!" jungwon said, raising his voice. it was only once in a blue moon to see jungwon like this- the reason why it's because of your friends. "who are you to judge them?" you shot back. "you really are blind- don't you see they treat you like a doormat- and all they do is step on you" jungwon was all doing this out of concern. after telling him countless of stories of how your friends treated you and you'd let it slide- he just had enough this time. "it's just them being them, jungwon!" you say with your voice gradually getting louder. "no it's not- y/n don't you see how this affects you as well? you've been coming to me crying and it's always about them" you denied all of what he was saying since you were friends with these "people" for so long now. "you're starting to— break!" "yeah i am starting to break! but what can i do? i've been with them for ages how can i let them go?" your tears started to fall and jungwon was left speechless. "yeah you're right- now leave me alone" you say. "y/n i didn't mean to-" "i said leave" jungwon sighs and exits your room, gently closing your door. jungwon was just looking out for you, but he got a little out of control— too out of control.

ni-ki

it wasn't like him to get jealous, it was very rare. but now it was this particular day that just made him really jealous about you spending time with his hyungs. "where have you been?" he asked, and you already noticed his tone was different. "out with heeseung, is there something wrong?" you asked, and all he does is turn his back on you and stay silent. "riki talk to me- is there something bothering you?" "yeah, it's you being with heeseung hyung for half of the day!" the sudden raise of his voice made you flinch a bit. "i literally see nothing wrong with it riki, you're being petty" you say trying to 'reason' with him. "it just- doesn't sit right with me, alright? you didn't even bother to spend a day with me" he said. "if that's what you wanted why didn't you say so?!" you raised your voice as well. "you know- i hate where this conversation is leading us, so please leave me alone for now- i think i need a cool down" you say and walk pass him. riki just looked at you with sad eyes now, he knew he was being petty about it- but what could he do? sometimes he wanted to be selfish and sometimes he just wants time with you.