#I'm-- actually concerned for myself today
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fullfriendnerdclutch · 2 days ago
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Since you love it when people expanded your storyline, please allow me to entertain you about Cas because this is right up my alley @onelinerbust
Something extraordinary happened to me earlier today. As I smugly grin with my roommate to our enhanced reflection in the mirror, my mind wandered to 10 hours ago when that hit me.
My fingers, stained with Cheeto dust and smelling faintly of lukewarm ramen, hammered away at the keyboard, lines of Python code blooming on the screen like digital weeds. The hum of the server rack in the corner was my white noise, the flickering monitor my campfire. This was my life, resident basement dweller in a leafy, aggressively liberal campus more interested in protesting free speech than actually engaging with it.
My world consisted of logic gates, late-night coding sessions, and the occasional awkward conversation with a teaching assistant about why my sorting algorithm was eating up more memory than a browser running Chrome. Social life? Non-existent. Romantic prospects? Laughable. I’d spend my weekends huddled in the dimly lit computer lab, bathed in the cool glow of screens, while the rest of the campus pulsed with parties and… well, whatever else regular college kids did. I wouldn't know. Regular wasn't in my programming.
*bzzzt bzzzt*
Little did I know back then, it was the catalyst. It was a rarity for someone to message me, most of the time people reached me through the more accessible socials, message to my phone number usually ended up as spam. But something – a flicker of boredom, maybe – made me pick it up and unlock it.
The message was long, rambling, and…...weird.
“Cas, wake the fuck up. This is a trick, you are NOT a spineless soyboy. You’re supposed to be a GOD, remember? 🤯 Alpha💪🏻. American 🇺🇸. White 🫵🏻. You have all it takes to become the God that you are destined to be! 🦅🦅🦅🇺🇸 This is not it! Look at you, pathetic. Remember gridiron glory? Friday night lights? The roar of the crowd as you, Chad ‘The Crusher’ Kensington, leading your team to victory? 🏈🏈🏆 Remember the cheerleaders, their pom-poms a blur, their eyes hungry for you? Remember the taste of victory, the scent of their slick pussy🍑😏, the adoration in their eyes when they kneel to your greatness🍆💦🧠? You deserve it all. It’s your birthright. This woke bullshit campus is trying to neuter you, but deep down, the alpha is still there. Let him out. Unleash the beast 😤👹👹 They want weakness? Show them power. They want equality? Show them hierarchy. They want gentleness? Show them dominance. Go take what's yours, Chad. Grab your crown and spoil, king 👑, you know I'm right and you approve this message! 😤😤
The message was punctuated with emojis – flexing biceps, crowns, American flags, and an unsettling number of suggestive faces. My brow furrowed. This had to be some kind of elaborate prank. Some right-wing troll farm had probably gotten hold of my number. I was about to delete it when a strange warmth spread in my chest. Like a shot of something potent and unfamiliar.
It started small. A tingling in my fingers, then a tightening in my gut, like I'd just downed a gallon of protein shake. My vision sharpened, my glasses become an obstacle so I took it down. The code on the screen, which had been a comforting blur of familiar symbols, now seemed almost… insulting. My shoulders straightened instinctively. I flexed my fingers, and there was…more there. Definitely more. Concerned, I decided to make a dash to the bathroom, trying to relive myself and not disturb the others with my painful groan
As I entered the empty, secluded bathroom, that was when it hit.
It wasn't a slow transition. It was a goddamn reality shift. One second, I was Cas, the hunched-over coder, the next…I trembled on the floor as my body screamed with a new kind of awareness. My skin flushed with heat as it gets tighter, stretched over something hard and defined. Muscles. Real muscles. Not the flabby kind that comes from hauling bags of chips from the store to the dorm. These were….sculpted....powerful, dare I say.
Despite my attempt to look at my surroundings and begging for help, I only let out a weak, pathetic whimper as my gaze dropped to my swelling arms. I ripped off my oversized, stained hoodie, the fabric tearing slightly at the seams. The skinny, pale limbs I’d known my entire life were gone. It was replaced by thick, corded arms with veins popping under my now tanned, still-white skin. I managed to get some control over my trembling, swelling form, as I pushed myself to stand up. Then, as if a truck just hit me, my reflection stared back from the dirty bathroom mirror
It wasn't me, I thought rightaway, but a painful glitch hit my brain and I relaxed afterward.
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The round, soft face was gone. Sharp angles had emerged – a strong jawline, high cheekbones. My eyes, which had always been a bland, watery blue behind thick glasses, were now a piercing, intense steel-grey, framed by this intimidating, darker eyebrows. My boring, unimpressive thin brunette with signs of receding hairline, had thickened, styled into a coiffed, blonde cut that framed my face perfectly. And… holy shit, my chest. I was enamored by the sight of it…defined...yet pillowy too, definitely the kind of pecs that can hypnotize anyone that stared at it for too long
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The rest of my torso were equally outstanding, rippling with muscle and power beyond even my wildest imagination. A six-pack, for Christ’s sake! I ran a hand over my stomach, feeling the hard ridges beneath my skin. It felt… alien. And utterly, undeniably amazing.
Below the Adonis belt… well, let’s just say things were… proportionately enhanced. The message hadn't lied. Eight inches? Minimum. This wasn't just a physical transformation. It was…fundamental. A complete rewrite of my being.
And the memories…they flooded in, vivid and visceral, like a lifetime I’d somehow forgotten. Friday night lights. The roar of the crowd. Me, Chad Kensington, throwing a perfect spiral, the ball whistling through the air, finding my receiver in the end zone for the winning touchdown. Cheerleaders chanting my name. The hot press of bodies in the locker room, the smell of sweat and victory. The adoring gazes of girls, lining up for a piece of me.
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Chad Kensington. That's me now. That had always been me. And this Cas memory… this weak, nerdy shell, this “Cas,” was just some… aberration. A glitch in the matrix, finally corrected.
A surge of pure, unadulterated testosterone pulsed through my veins. I thought to myself, this is power. This is dominance. This is what I was meant to be.
I remembered that I reached down, gripped myself through my sweatpants – they were suddenly too tight, too strained at the seams – and started to stroke hard, the phantom memories of cheering crowds and eager pussy fueling my hand. Chad Kensington, college star. Chad Kensington, panty-dropper extraordinaire. Chad Kensington, alpha male supreme. The image solidified in my mind, burning hot and real. I came hard all over the bathroom, my streak of thick, white cum painted the tiles, the mirror and even coagulated at the sink, the force of it surprising even myself, the false memory of adoration and conquest washing over me like a tidal wave.
When I finally opened my eyes, still breathing heavily, I realized that this would the very last time I would be jacking off to my dick in such a pathetic state. My baby batter would not be wasted in an empty, secluded bathroom like that so I quickly put my clothes back on and dashed to the computer lab to made my exit from the confine of that oppressive cage.
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As I entered the lab, I remembered it suddenly felt… suffocating. Small. Pathetic. It wasn't my place anymore. Chad Kensington didn’t belong in a basement coding Phyton and shit. He belonged out there, dominating, conquering, taking what was rightfully his.
"Chad, what took you so long?"
Yeah, that was fun. Ramsey......did that pathetic TA really tried to intimidate me with that furrowed brow of his and confined me with bureaucracy BS? Well, he better be fuckin' jacked first before starting to act tough to me. Then, my brain started working. Maybe Ramsey can be less of a whiny, judgy TA if he received the message, so I just forwarded the message to him and smirked as I told him that I sent my reason to his personal messenger and I need to get the fuck out of here ASAP. He turned around and started to read the chat, and from the small glimpse that I managed to peek, the message is different from what I received! That's when the realization hit me. I legit mouthed "Damn" to myself as I realized that it's adaptive......like, that shit can change based on who read it. That revelation made my head spin, that message was indeed some fucking precisive, hi-tech work there. But the effect seemed to be the same, it made the reader into its best version of themselves, because how do you explain that a fucking algorithmic TA all-in-a-sudden have the built of a jacked bull like that, huh?
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As he allowed me to grab my bag and leave the lab with a knowing nod, my stomach growled – not from hunger, but from a different kind of hunger. A primal urge. And then it brought me back to this very room as I remembered Kate, Jason's girlfriend. I know Jason, my roommate, was still at his stupid philosophy club meeting as I cleaned out my table, probably droning on about existential dread and Kate.....Kate was always… around, waiting for him. She's pretty enough, in a bland, accessible way. And always subtly, almost unconsciously, throwing glances my way. I knew even from back then that it must be the fucked up, corrupt message that made me think that way because Kate would never glanced to pathetic, asocial Cas, but at the same time, I was hit by this duality as I remembered myself as NOT Cas. Of course she glanced at me, I'm Chad fucking Kensington and people will not only glance my way, they will snap their head to view my greatness.
I strode out of the computer lab, my newfound muscles rippling under my thin tanktop (which also felt alarmingly small and tight). The campus walkways felt different. People noticed me. Heads turned. Girls giggled. Guys gave me that wary, respectful nod that alphas exchanged. It was intoxicating.
When I finally arrived at my dorm room, it was unlocked, as usual. Jason was perpetually trusting, another symptom of his pathetic beta male existence, I thought. I pushed it open, and there she was, Kate, sprawled on Jason's bed, scrolling through her phone, oblivious.
“Hey,” I said, my voice deeper, rougher than I remembered. Chad’s voice.
She looked up, startled as I take my shirt off so casually to reveal the sheen of sweat that seemingly coated my body. Her eyes widened, lingering on my… physique. A flicker of something in her eyes I recognized – desire – flashed in them.
“Cas? Uh.... sorry, the room is unlocked, Jason said.....I....I can wait in his bed. You just finished with practice?” Her voice was breathy, a little uncertain.
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“Chad,” I corrected, stepping closer. “It’s Chad,"
She swallowed, her gaze dropping to my chest. “Chad,” she repeated, testing the name on her lips as I can see the memory started to jog on her brain. “Yeah, Chad.”
“Jason’s not here,” I stated, knowing it wasn’t a question.
She shook her head, a nervous laugh escaping her. “No, he’s… still in philosophy club.”
“Right,” I said, closing the distance between us. I reached out, my hand closing around her wrist, pulling her to her feet. Her skin was soft, yielding in my grip. Too soft. She needed to be hardened up. Tamed.
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“By the way, read your phone, dropped something you would be interested to read," I said, glancing at her phone with a knowing smirk as I decided that she would be my first female guinea pig
I watched it in real time how the bland, average-looking Kate started to get way more prettier, leagues above Jason definitely, the curve gets wilder and her face really turned exactly how I imagined a sultry blonde bimbo falling head over heels for me would look like. So, after proving my little theory to be correct, that the message is transformative beyond men, I decided to test out yet another probability. Her slightly vacant eyes gave me idea as I saw a potential to create more excitement, more chaos, so I grabbed her by the chin to made her stare at me and start digging
"You get close to my roommate just to have chances to be in the same room with me, don't you? You're not the brightest girl out there, Cathy, I can see right through your play,"
Bingo, I smirked in my mind. That mind was jogging hard to made my words her reality. And since I have started anyway, I decided to take it up a notch to made my words her Bible
"In fact, you always fantasize Jason as me, right? This room smelled like me, you can taste me in the air so when you close your eyes as Jason fucked you, that mind of yours played this little game to make you think I was the one doing the fucking, huh? That's why you always come here earlier than Jason and I, you imprinted my fucking musk in your head by digging through my dirty laundry and closet so you can go through that unimpressive sex with Jason with me in mind, don't you? Well, he's not around, so why not use this time for you to just taste the real thing?"
She didn’t resist as I pulled her closer, my body pressing against hers. And seemingly taken over by her wilder, improved side, she started licking and kissing my abs
We were on Jason's bed in seconds, her clothes ripped open, the cheap fabric tearing easily under my hands. She moaned like a slut in heat, calling my name like I'm his God and only savior which fueled my dominance. It was power. It was control. It was… right.
Just as I was piledriving my cock into her now very irresistibly tight pussy, the door swung open. Jason stood there, textbooks clutched in his hand, his jaw dropping as he took in the scene. Me, thrusting hard into his girlfriend, her muffled moan filling the room.
“Cas?!” His voice was a strangled squawk.
I paused, looking up at him, a smirk playing on my lips. “Chad,” I corrected again. “And you need to check your phone, Jason,”
He stared at me, bewildered, then slowly lowered his gaze to his phone, which he thankfully had in his pocket. He fumbled it out, unlocked it with trembling fingers, and then… his eyes widened. He read something on the screen, his face shifting, contorting.
The change wasn’t as instantaneous as mine had been, but it was happening. His posture straightened. His shoulders broadened. His soft, doughy face hardened, angles emerging where there had been curves. His eyes sharpened, losing their bewildered puppy-dog look, gaining a new, predatory gleam.
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“Holy… fuck,” he breathed, dropping his textbooks to the floor with a thud. He looked at me, a grin spreading across his transformed face, a grin that mirrored my own. “Chad?”
“Welcome to the club, bro,” I said, nodding. “Plenty to go around.”
He didn’t need to be told twice. He ripped off his shirt, revealing a surprisingly decent set of pecs that I didn’t remember being there before. He was still smaller than me, but… he was getting there. Fast.
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Without a word, he joined me on the bed. Cathy, who had been silent and still during the initial shock of Jason’s arrival, moaned again as he climbed on top of her, his gaze now burning with the same predatory hunger I felt.
We tag-teamed her, me dealing with her now bubbly, curvy ass while Jason handled the front, his now uncut 6 inchers really bruised her throay in a brutal, animalistic act of dominance. Tears and sweat leaked out of her alongside the obvious pussy juices and saliva, but she's not really protesting despite all the shit we did to her, just… taking it. Submitting. Like the good, cheerleader slut she was. It was… satisfying. In a deeply, disturbingly primal way.
Later, after we were done, Cathy panted for breath looking like a total wrecked mess on Jason's bed as I and Jason stood side-by-side, flexing in front of the mirror. The dorm room felt… different. Charged. Alive. With power.
As my mind snapped back to the current situation and how much change I have caused, Jason's question really cause a stir in my mind
“Think this… message… can do this to anyone?” Jason asked, running a hand over his newly defined jawline.
I smirked. “Oh I know this shit can do it to anyone. But let's see how far this can go,"
I pulled out my phone, found the message, and forwarded it to the Computer Science group chat. A chat filled with other pathetic, nerdy guys like I used to be. Guys who needed… guidance. Correction.
Almost instantly, phones started buzzing and pinging around the dorm. Then, shouts. Yells. The sound of furniture being overturned. Loud, aggressive music blaring from open windows. Footsteps pounding in the hallway.
Jason and I exchanged a glance. Then we grinned. Wide, feral grins.
The campus is about to change. And Chad Kensington, along with his newly minted alpha brothers, is going to be leading the charge. My birthright, after all.
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boiling-potato · 3 days ago
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Me.... Just me sketches lol
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I rarely draw myself so I thought I'd change that.. Here, have some sketches of the actual me and not my self insert
I do have incredibly messy hair and I do have the outfit of the fourth pic. The last pic is just a song that I'm listening to while drawing it so calm down my concerned mutuals heheh :33
UPDATE REGARDING THE MILKSHAKE MANSION ‼️‼️‼️
I'm planning on making a special Valentine's day video for the sweet couples at the milkshake mansion but not sure if it would come out at the exact date cause our teachers gave us a heads-up that we're going to be very busy in February with school work so here's hoping I could finish it. I've been wanting to do this video for so long but I was saving it for this special holiday, I'm planning on starting today as soon as I get home so stay tuned! ^^
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agendratum · 6 months ago
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#me quietly to myself: am i finally ready... to follow the skz people blogs I've been living at for at least a year now anyway?..#I'm with my usual bullshit pay me no mind#people who already know know ajhsjd#this thing where i can't follow new people because the dash seems overwhelming as it is#(and by new people i mean people whose blogs I've been visiting daily for a year yes)#and recently yes im feeling like my dash is actually a bit overwhelming#i sometimes can't even catch up with it after i wake up (a thing that is normal to want and possible to archive)#but also im literally like at the skz people's territory all day every day#spending more time over there than on my dash#like maybe it's time#besides today with the livestream and everything#i was sitting there so cozy thinking like ah we're watching this together it's so nice#the only thing that would make the experience better is me actually FOLLOWING PEOPLE#anyway I'll sleep on it and like again pay me no mind this is the brain issues i just seem to have#still such a funny problem to have#as far as I'm concerned most people on tumblr follow so many more blogs#and i get overwhelmed with just a few#you'd think I'm not having fun on here but thats not true#but i am in fact always have more fun on here when i manage to psspspsp someone with the same interest#i love tags reblogs replies i love these interactions#and the funny little follow button makes all this so muuuuch easier#alas the brain bugs that are eating my brain are never asleep#but still I'm gonna go sleep and im gonna just be chill about all this#thanks for coming to the least making sense ted talk#chattering
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euclydya · 2 months ago
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ok. no i get it. ok
#if you're gonna hurt can you. hurt please#it's been all day with this shit#it's barely something but it's on the precipice of being worse.#stop fucking around and be worse already what the fuck is going on#this is about. gestures at our body. that thing. and its arms and its legs and#the pain was just barely there but there enough to be Noticable. like are you going to hurt or are you going to Stop.#make up your mind.#this is hell btw.#i feel the beginnings of the sparking in our wires in our arms and legs and lower back and#today we were dizzy a concerning amount for the first time in a while.#like we're on the precipice of it being a problem. actually do something or stop what the fuck is this#pk;m curly🩹#we're getting back to the point where when we stand our heartrate shoots up and the. The Pulsating.#and the pulsating causes the dizziness and 2uen we're dizzy we scratch at our face and it's allr eally fast#and unnoticeable to us but very noticable to mom#and i just. okay I'll get out slippers from outside. the shoe inserts in em help some with... whatever that is.#but ultimately I'm like. tired. what the fuck is this. I'm waiting for it to get worse and i dont know if it will or#something something imposter syndrome or some shit btw like are we disabled or not what the fuck is going on here#i would like answers. anyway#sits here. waits for a flareup that might not even happen.#did we tell y'all mom was very negative about the idea of us using a cane the day after the birthday party?#so getting that cane that's LITERALLY BEHIND THE CHAIR WE SIT IN and using it for balance purposes is out the window.#i hate it here all these little things add up and they're slowly making me want to kill myself#BuT WE PERSIST! WE HAVE NO CHOICE! FUCK!
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goblin-enjoyer · 3 months ago
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Been binging some new frogger vids at the moment (i heard 6v6 is coming back soon and am sadly getting hyped) and I had a horrifying realization about two of the characters in the series. behold my madness and weep at my lack of knowledge on both troll quadrants and character interactions. I'm not a fishmonger, I wouldn't know that stuff.
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#the rot has gotten worse. this is just evident of it.#I caught myself saying gog today. it might be infecting my lexicon and fake swears like how when i got into 40k I picked up ork lingo and->#now use it unironically in my day to day. Don't like swearing but i like the challenge of having something similar.#and get this. this morning I thought to do troll cosplay.#?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? 1: i dont even do halloween anymore? 2:I hate body paint/makeup/nailpolish/other junk you put on your flesh. just grosses m#out and gives me shivers just thinking about it. eugh.. 3:who in the warp would i even cosplay? Terezi? How would I even explain that???#yes hello family. I am breaking my halloween costume absence of several years now to cosplay as a random alien girl from an obscure ->#internet webcomic. Do not think about The Implications™ of that one bit. Don't know what i'm doing in this costume as i am too old for tric#or treating so you have even less to ponder about as I walk around the empty house as a random girl character covered in grey paint while#you all are at various halloween parties. This is normal [NAME-REDACTED] behavior and of no cause of concern or interest#luckily the it passed quickly but still. oi vey how long would it even take to get to that point? you homestuck gits know because I don't#ugh almost forgot i gotta do actual tags. don't want this to be too much of a ->#midnight brainrot#(heh see what i did there)#frogger#kismesis#overwatch#I do NOT pity the people coming across this mess while browsing the overwatch tag for some reason
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ourceliumnetwork · 3 months ago
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it's hard to have a good day like, mentally and emotionally but a bad day physically.
it's REALLY hard to do that twice in a row but we're going to try.
#i'm not doing the bit this time sorry#the POTS has been POTSing all over the place and i had to take a shower#so what *wasn't* THAT bad before is now VERY BAD and i'm like...#i'm nauseous i don't want to eat anything i can feel the pain starting so i do need to eat SOMETHING so i can take meds#but the concept of both making AND eating food is daunting and also gross feeling simultaneously#my heart is just constantly pounding and i haven't had any caffeine yet today#so my concerns that it was the monster making my shower reactions worse is absolutely not the case#because i'm fucking sitting here shaking like i just survived a car crash all due to having#*checks notes*#woken up made my bed and taken a shower. that's IT. that is ALL i have done so far#and i am trembling and shaking and weak and nauseous like i'm in shock or something this is BULLSHIT#i think i'm hungry too is the other problme i don't know for sure due ot the aforementioned other factors#so i bet eating would help a lot here#god i hate this so much right now i'm so mad#i had to dream about my family and being ignored and there were WILD swings between feeling horrible and feeling like things were improving#and i wouldn't be shocked if the symptoms i was having in my dream were happening in real time in my actual body too#i hate htis i hate htis i hate this#water salt compression socks WHAT ABOUT WHEN THAT'S NOT ENOUGH HUH? WHAT THEN??? DO I JUST GOTTA LIVE LIKE THIS?????#*fuck* i'm so angry rn. and sad. i think i'm going to let myself cry and see what happens
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sheyshen · 4 months ago
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i think i'm gonna need to block all veilguard related tags until i get my hands on the game even though i really want to share like art of the new crew and stuff because i don't want to see more spoilers that makes me go hmmm lol
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hwanghyunjinenthusiast · 1 year ago
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lemonnbug · 1 year ago
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Am I allowed to be negative on here about stuff for a minute? Pretty please?
I don't really think that things are gonna change for the better/ get better for me at this point tbh
#Like. I know things constantly change and nothing stays the same but I don't really think it'll get much better y'know.#Lik#I get paid 8.50 an hour to fucking wipe 3D glasses off and retrieve golf balls and get covered in gross mystery liquid bc im in charge of -#-- trash and I have to argue with grown ass men about a claw machine not working.#I don't really think that's gonna change and I don't think I'm ever gonna be able to move out of this house or live on my own or anything -#-- like that or start dating or be the type of normal I want. Just a lot of decisions leading up to me being stuck here forever and yeah.#Shit sucks#Tbc I'm NOT fishing for It gets betters or stuff like that. If I could turn comments off for this post I would lol I really appreciate any#-- concern and stuff but I am Okay#I'm still doing everything I'm still going through the motions even tho the motions suck ass. It's just that I'm constantly --#-- positive and that gets really really hard sometimes lol. Like. My mental health doesn't do well if I'm not forcing myself to be --#-- disgustingly positive so I am. A lot. But it's HARD and sometimes I just wanna admit that no actually it DOESN'T feel like everything --#-- is gonna be okay and that I actually do kinda not like my life lol#I'm good I'm fine I'm just bitching and moaning#I . Wrote this last night bc I couldn't sleep but sent it to the drafts of hell lol. Today's gonna be so fun /sarcasm#Besties I'm fine please please please seriously I'm good#Just pretend Tumblr has a Turn comments off feature lmao#Y'all can seriously ignore this#Will probably delete later but what's the point of Tumblr if not to embarrass yourself by oversharing lol
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curiosity-killed · 2 years ago
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got so much (75% of cleaning my apartment) done today and now have hit the End of Doing Things Energy™ Wall
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neo-shitty · 2 years ago
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🍕.
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applejarjar · 1 year ago
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realizing I missed my window to have a very important and soul bearing conversation with my boss
#now that she's moved to a shared office and I'm stationed in a shared office my opportunities to have serious conversations are limited#I knew I should've had this talk sooner when she still had her own office and we could have a face to face discussion#I've just been avoiding it because I really hoped these issues could be resolved if I addressed them in a softer manner#but my attempts are just not getting results so I'm at my last ditch effort to express my concerns and get some help#I didn't go through all that goddamn management training just to forego the concepts and never apply the teachings#I'm tired of tiptoeing around the subject because I'm worried my boss won't hear me out or understand#it's just not my style to do this workplace politeness bs#she's said multiple times that we can be honest with her and it won't hurt her feelings#and I'm going to do just that#because god I'm getting burnt out and frustrated#I feel like there's some sort of fundamental misunderstanding I'm having which is not being resolved as things are now#I can't keep asking the same questions different ways and hoping for a different result each time#I just need to directly address what I think the problem is and hope I can get some actual help or feedback#I think my boss will be willing to listen I just don't know what I'll do if this still gets me nowhere#gonna have to figure out when I'd even be able to hold this kind of conversation#I'd like to do it today if possible while I'm really pondering everything and feel like I've got my thoughts in order#but this damn shared office makes that so difficult cause I ain't sayin all this to the world#at least not the whole work world#I'm sure they see I'm struggling but it's still something that is like to keep sort of to myself#especially because I'm acutely aware that my ramblings are very close to that of a madman#but it's just how I think and feel about these matters#sigh#work is hard
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I got Drunk tonight because idk, grown adult, I can do that and I'm currently doing the thing I do where I sober up as much as possible before I go to sleep. wanna go to sleep. it is So Many Hours past my normal bed time. but I was also literally still drink in hand past my normal bed time and alcohol has a half life of 4-5 hours.
#remember that one time I tried to tell my therapist#'hey I'm really concerned that I got wasted on Friday night because I was stressed- and then didn't have a hangover the next day#and I'm really worried about my brain relearning the pattern that alcohol is a solution to stress especially as a former alcoholic'#and she instead tried to spend the entire fucking session arguing with me about the fact that my real problem is That I Care Too Much#About People. About Society.#and didn't engage at all with the topic of 'hey the former alcoholic is a lil afraid they're not going to be able to keep 'former' '#it's fine. it's /fine/#today was just hard and then I got drunk and that was pleasant and chances are#because I am doing this- I will not have a hangover tomorrow either#and I am once again just reaffirming for my lil pattern loving brain#that drinking a large amount of gin very fast does actually solve my problems#it doesn't. also my problems can't be solved#that sounds melodramatic. I'm just- I was just sad today about my dad being dead. that kind of 'can't be solved'#and a lot of feelings about class that again- are unsolvable problems#you can't 'solve' the problem that like- I grew up poor in a poor area#and married into a family that is well off#and like- have done well for myself career wise#and so now I feel like a weird lil duck with a weird lil relationship to money#but whomst amongst us *isn't* a weird lil duck with a weird lil relationship to money#HMM?#HMMMMM???#but also 'done well for myself career wise' only means like... within the career I have
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actual-changeling · 1 year ago
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welcome back to alex's unhinged meta corner, today's topic: the chest touch at the pub. that scene has me in a chokehold for some reason and i still cannot stop thinking about it.
the first thing i wanna talk about is crowley's reaction, since this is the shorter part. he did not expect aziraphale to reach out to him like this and freezes for a second while aziraphale happily chatters away.
they were both walking and the hand on his chest stops him, so he comes to a stop right next to him while he was slightly behind him before that. his gaze also snaps to aziraphale's face, who is very much not looking at him.
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they were having a conversation, but the touch essentially shuts crowley up and zira leaves him to get their drinks.
now, my question is why aziraphale does it. sure, it could just be an absent gesture since they're in a crowded place, just that he has never really done so before. i think it was very much planned, like asking crowley to dance and grabbing his hand later on.
a second before he actually reaches out, he also looks back to check whether crowley is where he thinks he is. that is the only time he does that, he was busy looking for a free table and miracles them one when he cannot find one - the look back is deliberate. especially since crowley is practically glued to his side, he has no need for confirmation, he can feel him brushing against him while walking.
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the hand motion he does gets me, too. he is busy fidgeting with his hands like normal and has them clasped in front of him. aziraphale lifts them once he gets to "that is precisely the point", yet also already moves it slightly towards crowley, realizes he miscalculated where exactly he/his chest is, looks to check, then looks away again before actually touching him. am i reading too much into it? maybe.
i think it is his version of a little temptation. not only does it make crowley's brain short-circuit for a second, he also gets them their drinks and is now (or so aziraphale hopes) a bit calmer and will take the news aziraphale is about to give him better. the conversation at the cafe did not go entirely as planned, after all.
additionally, something i am not sure if other people have noticed or not is that aziraphale does not just touch crowley, it is a caress. he moves his hand down his chest.
the movement in order:
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bar girl unfortunately moves in front of them, but you can clearly see the way his hand takes. to give you a direct comparison of the starting and end point:
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a good point of reference is crowley's bolo tie but also the angle of aziraphale's arm while it is still visible.
the best part, in my opinion, is that aziraphale puts his hand right on top of crowley's heart. i think the symbolic importance of that is pretty clear and does not require any more explanation, although it makes me want to throw myself into a river. but that's by the by.
to summarize, aziraphale caresses crowley's heart chest to get him to calm down and not go insane over the news he is about to give him. he is also simply a bastard and knows exactly what he is doing to crowley.
as always, this is me going nuts with analysis, but i'm also curious to hear other people's thoughts on this.
don't tell my therapist about my unhinged meta posts or she will probably be very concerned for my mental wellbeing
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chaoticwriting · 2 months ago
Text
Part 1
Danny x Cass part 2
The silence is loud in the room. Everyone is staring at Danny with a few glares being straight up hostile. Danny gives the crowd a scan and realizes that the hostile intent comes from 3 figures.
The Batman
Nightwing
Robin
'Huh, that's less than I thought' He thinks to himself. Another figure catches his attention when he sees the guy swiftly typing something on his computer wrists and acting like nothing is happening.
Just as Danny is about to think about how to break this awkwardness, Superman flies to Danny and greets him.
"Errmm, hello. I am Superman. May we know what you mean when you say you are here to help?"
Danny looks confused at that question when his shirt is tugged by Cass. He looks down and Cass climbs his arm and whispers to his ears.
"I have not told them."
Cass then climbs down and happily stands besides Danny holding his hands. Danny can see Batman's mouth twitching at the sight. Danny just smiles wryly but doesn't release her hand.
"I am here to help you deal with Trigon and Darkseid. I have been requested to help all of you by my partner."
Superman looks unsure on what to do next as he looks at Batman for instructions. Superman also realizes that Batman seems to be in a more terrible mood than usual. Not stressed. Not fear. More like agitated and angry.
When he sees Batman not reacting, he turns to Wonder Woman to ask for help. Diana seeing one of her friends in need of help while the other is in another space all together decides to step up and control the situation.
"May I know is it Black Bat that invites you, Mr. Phantom?"
"Danny is fine. And yes, she invites me to help with the crisis. I am also here to meet some of you actually."
"May I know what we could help you with, Danny?"
"Of course. First and foremost, I would like to formally introduce myself. I am Danny Phantom, the High King of the Infinite Realm, the Ancient of Space and the Protector of Balance."
As soon as Danny finishes his introduction, the magical heroes kneel down towards Danny.
"We deeply apologize for not properly greeting you, Your Majesty. We are truly grateful for your offer of help."
Captain Marvel leads as the rest of the heroes become baffled at their act. The rest of the heroes are also about to kneel when Danny speaks.
"Please get up everyone. And please call me Danny. I'm not really here for any official stuff. I only tell all of you my title so that we can skip the whole 'Who are you really?' part"
All the heroes stand back up and this time Danny doesn't let the awkward tension last in the air.
"I'm here today mostly because my partner here asks me for help. And while I am here someone asks me to pass something."
Suddenly, the space between Barry and Danny shortens, bringing Barry right in front of Danny. Danny summons a small parchment and hands it to Barry.
"This is for you Flash. This is a fine because you often mess with time and Time doesn't like it when you do."
Barry slowly takes the parchment and reads it. His eyes go wide but before he is about to protest, Danny shut him up by saying.
"If you are dissatisfied with the punishment, you may go talk to CW himself. I'm only here to pass his punishment to you."
Barry slumps his shoulders and goes back into the crowd. The heroes look concerned at Barry as it looks like he is about to cry.
Wally approaches him from behind and taps his shoulders. Barry turns to Wally with water about to burst out of his eyes.
"What happened? Is the punishment so bad? Can we do anything about it?" Wally asks concerned at the state his mentor is in.
"No. This is all my fault. It's because of the time traveling mess I did before this. Now I need to become a servant to Time or Clockwork in this case for 1000 years."
Wally and the other heroes around look very concerned at the statement because even for some of them, 1000 years is a long time.
"No worries, your punishment will only start after you pass away. And after your sentence is done, you can pass on to whatever afterlife you choose."
A sticky note appears out of thin air right in front of Barry just as he is really about to cry. He holds himself back and reads the sticky note carefully. Wally peeks from the side and also sees the content of the sticky note.
"Oh also, CW says to not mess around with time too much anymore. He says he is kind enough to not count all the time where it is technically not your fault but he did say that if you can bring him Reverse Flash he will lower your sentence."
Barry lit up at Danny's words like he just received a Christmas present. He swore to himself the next time he sees Thawne, that guy is not going anywhere.
All the other heroes look at the pair of Flash and decide to ask(interrogate) them later. Now, there is an interdimensional deity in front of them that may or may not be dating one of them.
"So, Danny. May I know how you can help us?" Diana asks carefully.
"I can help you deal with both Trigon and Darkseid. That's it really."
"Is there any price that we need to pay for your help?"
Diana's question alerts all the heroes as they now remember that the one standing in front of them is not just any other normal guy. He is an interdimensional deity and those things usually take something as payment whenever they are asked with something.
Danny looks thoughtful at the question and suddenly a smirk appears on his face. Cass knows what that smirk means. It usually appears whenever Danny decides to do something he deems funny. And his funny usually means chaos.
Batman stares intensely at Danny. He knows that smirk. That is the same smirk any of his kids do before they cause trouble. (I.e glitter bomb his batmobile and change his ring tone to symphony)
"Hmm, I don't really need anything from any of you. After all, I do wanna show a good impression on my future-in-law."
Pin drop silence. The heroes expected many types of responses from Danny. Some of them are even ready to swear eternal service or even their life. But whatever Danny just says certainly isn't one of them.
The silence is broken as a katana flies at high speed towards Danny.
"How dare you touch my sister?!" Shouted a tiny figure.
Danny catches the katana and puts it inside his treasury. He will enchant it later to give back to Robin. Cass says that Robin loves weapons.
Chaos ensues as Batman and Nightwing hold Robin while the rest of the heroes gossiping loudly. He could also see Spoiler just snickering while waving at them.
He sure loves chaos.
Part 3
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apiptosis · 1 month ago
Text
I still have no clue how Tumblr works but here's part 3
The third member to meet Danny is none other than our resident Demon brat.
It was rare that Damian could truly relax. In the league he had to constantly be the perfect heir, the perfect assassin. When his mother got him out it was just as hard when he had to compete with four adopted brothers, Gordon, Brown and the infamous Cassandra Cain.
It was difficult to find someone who could understand him and what he had been through and still put up with his bulshit. Damian was man enough to admit that his own attitude did not help him so when he found someone who would, whom he could let down his walls with, he grasped on with both hands.
"You seem to be thinking quite hard there Damian." A soft voice drew him from his thoughts. Damian looked her deep in her eyes freely let her peer at his thoughts. He knew she would not pry unless needed but he freely gave this.
"Just reminded myself how fortunate I was to have you." Damian admitted while they sat at their impromptu picnic.
It was rather rare for them to have dates in Gotham but today was a rare time where it was possible. The smog that always filled Gotham was almost completely absent today here in the forest at the edge of the Wayne property and perhaps most importantly, his father was off world with Cain and Grayson.
While most of the public believes Batman has a 'no metas allowed' rule, it was most certainly not true. What is true however is that his father is an overprotective idiot at times and would hover/spy onto their date.
"Dam-"
Whatever Raven was about to say was interrupted by a small sonic boom from just outside of the property that had both of them on their feet, their little picnic forgotten.
All too soon they found the source. A behemoth of a man was playing with a giant dog?
"Drop the stick boy!" The green beast dropped a log for want of a better word. "Good boy, wanna go again?" The beast gave a bark like artillery fire, tail waving like rotor blades. The man pick up the log and launched as though it was a javelin with a "Fetch Cujo!"
With one last artillery bark the beast bound after with great speed.
The man let out a deep sigh as he fell back into the shade of the nearby tree. "Man I wish I had more off days like this. Mhmmm, people? Hello there. Didn't think there would be people this far out. I'm Danny."
The man, Danny, waved as he lazily greeted them from where he lay on his bag in the shade. Danny lay so openly and without care that they could easily observe him.
Danny was very obviously a meta, his lazy smile with far too many sharp teeth, elfin ears and skin that was almost paler than Raven's. Most glaring was his height at seven and a half feet and shoulders nearly half as broad. (see Drake I can learn your freedom units)
"Damian" "Rachel" they introduced themselves.
"You two out on a date? It's one of my rare days off so I was planning one myself but unfortunately my girlfriend's dad needed help so she's out of town with him and her brother." Danny offered up freely. There was no hostile intent as far as Damian could tell. 'His intentions are true and there is no amniosity. His mind is well protected though.' Raven shared with telepathy.
"I take it your job is rather taxing?" Damian prodded.
Danny snorted "Nah man, I'm a university student, Aerospace engineering. The degree is kicking my ass but that's due to the amount of stuff I have to do. It's like they are afraid that I will have free time because I swear some of my projects and tests aren't for engineering.
Last week I had to write a chem exam and yesterday I had to submit a project that I'm pretty sure was a business model in disguise. If my luck holds out I might get a psych test next week. Ugh I'm already half dead, now their trying to get me to fully dead."
That was... concerning. It sounds like danny was possible rogue material and the university was trying their best to keep him from actually going rogue.
"So your taking a break and playing with you dog?" Raven asked.
"Yeah, Cujo is a sweetheart but it's hard to play with him here since people keep attacking him when he's in his large form." Danny explained as the dog bounded back without his stick. Worryingly there was a bit of blood on him. The dog had obviously been in a fight.
"Again buddy? Why can't they just leave you alone. Let's see what it's this time." Cujo dropped a finger on the ground with a very familiar green ring.
"He's a rescue I suppose but he was originally a guard dog and he was trained to disarm people when they attack him so I keep having to stash away guns and the like. With how crazy some people are I really should be prepared for things like this."
The ring seemed to sluggishly work it's way off of the finger before shooting straight for Danny.
"Daniel Fenton of -"Danny swiped the ring out of the air and held it in a tight grip. "Nah ah, I already have one green magic ring and I don't want a talking one on top of that!"
Danny rummaged through his bag before pulling out his thermos that smelled like coffee and chugged it like he was drakes long lost twin and managing to seal it into the thermos.
"There, I'll figure out what to do with that later."Sigh."well I guess we can talk at a later time but after that I'm heading home. Cujo shrink!"
The massive beast of a dog deflated like a balloon till it was the size of a small dog, happily trudging sfter it's owner as they hiked in the direction of Gotham.
With a glance to Raven, he confirmed that she was just as bewildered by the interaction as he was. Eventually they returned to their date, no use in letting odd encounters ruin their day, but Damian kept the name in the back of his head for now.
Later that night Damian found himself in the watchtower, going for the terminal so he could research this Daniel Fenton. He would have done this at home but Drake hogged the bat computer, nou doubt pinning after his coffee crush.
Along the way he found a small congregation of heroes trying to drown out Guy Gardner but also had to listen to his report as his hand was quite bandaged and missing a finger...
"On my patrol I nearly got Final destinationed by a flying log and then I got attacked by a green beast that wouldn't go down no matter what I thew at it. To make matters worse it was able to bite off my ring!" Guy complained incessantly.
Suddenly it made perfect sense why Danny was so upset but accepting of people attacking Cujo. How many times has this happened to him? How many times had the guy patched up his dogs wounds because people attacked him. How many of those time was it a hero who attacked Cujo? Damian could feel for both Danny and his dog.
"Sounds like you attacked a dog playing fetch and got upset when you couldn't hurt a dog for playing. Neutralizing an attacker's weapon is the bare basics of any guard dog's training." Damian found himself snapping at the man. Superman nodding along with him.
"Robin is right, while I am very concerned about you losing your ring, I am also concerned that you would attack a dog for playing fetch. I do the same with Crypto." Superman chastised Guy sternly.
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