#I'm very self-conscious of how I draw myself.

[thestarpalace]

Sometimes, when life's got you down, you just need to go relax with your best friend. (Feat. FinFin.)

Technically, a collaborative comic of sorts with Cam and I. We weren't sure who'd be best posting it, so I decided to take it on this time. It's also kinda, half-vent, half-fanart, half-system comic? …Truly, there's many halves at play here. More than usual, one might say.

[catwafers]

11/23 is good big brother day in japan (11/23 = ii nii-san) so, with that, after one and a half months of working on this, i present my very self-indulgent scenario of vash and knives being brothers and taking that first step to heal.

if you want to throw some support my way i have a higher-res pdf version on my ko-fi shop for $3 - no pressure obviously, this will remain free to read here on my blog indefinitely!

also i would like to give a quick thank you to @/nimpnawakproduction for their references on vash's scars which were pretty much my bible when drawing this LMAO

(not ship art)

[silusvesuius]

this tree from my new drawing looking goated afffffff 👑👑

[imnotkosmic]

Behold, every Picrew I've done ✨

[teaboot]

Growing up, how was your relationship with the fundamentals of conscious existence?

My earliest memory of what I would call self-awareness occurred spontaneously in the middle of my fourth birthday party, where I suddenly became alert to my existence as a separate entity surrounded by other conscious beings.

This presented to me as not dissimilar to simply being brushed along the flow of a river- experiencing life as a serious of flashbang moments and instants and sensations, like meditating to music until the individual notes break into sounds that follow no rhythm and are only noise- no past or future, only now- and then suddenly finding yourself holding a paddle in the belly of a boat with no idea what to do next.

I remember running to the body that felt safest, who I did not recognize as anything else, and asking it who all the strangers around us were. The person that I learned was my mother told me they were my aunties and uncles, and I was being silly because I KNEW them, and why was I so shy all of a sudden?

Learning to articulate myself after that instant, I remember, was immensely frustrating. Learning your first language, as I remember it, is wuite a bit like how Ive been told recovering from brain damage feels like.

YOU know what you mean. YOU know what you're saying. But there are holes where you reach for something you know MUST be there and find nothing, and must find a way to communicate using only what you have at hand. Except there are always faces looking at you, talking down to you, asking you to do tricks for them to prove you really are a real human person.

I loved art, and I'm very good at it, but GETTING good at it was the worst. I'm told I started with scribbles at six months or so, before I could walk, and at three and four I remember being immensely frustrated that I could see in my head exactly what I wanted to produce, and I didn't know how to PRODUCE it.

And simple shit, like drawing shapes and circles, developing fine motor skills. You FULLY UNDERSTAND THE ASSIGNMENT, but your hands are soft and wobbly and don't cooperate. Getting your mouth and body to obey your directions is hellish, especially when all the appliances and furniture and installations around you are built for someone easily triple your size.

Chairs are hard to sit in when you're small and cant touch the ground. Your legs dangle and you cant scoot closer to the table, and the backrest is so far back you cant use it for support, and the table comes up past your chest so your chin is amost in your plate and your dumb clumsy hands cant hold a big spoon or fork in a way that feels natural or elegant so you end up smearing shit EVERYWHERE and getting yapped at for having your elbows on the counter.

Reading people was interesting. Most people are condescending and plastic when you're small, and you can tell when they're being saccharine and fake, but you're told the polite thing is to believe what they say and be polite back. I used to try using big sentences on purpose just to het them to leave me alone. "What a pretty girl! Can you say Hello?" was the most common ask I can recall. Id answer with the floweriest thing I could think of, usually, "I'm very well, thank you for asking, how are you?", because people only ask you interesting questions after you do well enough on their tests to prove you're people.

Being small was very tiring, and very frustrating, and becoming aware of myself in my own head probably made everything a lot worse overall.

No regrets, though. From what I can recall, life is far more enjoyable when you're aware of it occurring. Time can't slow down until you know it's there, I think

Being a baby full of instincts felt like living as a live grenade. Being a child was far harder, but more Full. More Human. A LOT more like adulthood than infancy, and I was very determined to remember that.

If any of that makes sense

[thecynthh]

a little ink - C.S

summery - y/n is journaling in bed but chris gets bored of his phone and begins to play around with y/n's stationary.

notes - fluff <33333, chris is so boyfriend, i thought the fandom needed more fluff, short

a/n - hey yall, this is an apology gift because ive been bad on being active and writing so enjoy this lil thing i whipped up.

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i stationed myself on my side of the large bed with a little tray table on top of my bare legs. my shorts barely covered up to my mid thigh so the vent near me was absolutely chilling. i begin to go slowly when i'm trying to write a title for my next page, i began to journal when my boyfriends brother and my therapist recommended it to me, despite how simple matt’s was, I thought i could take it up a notch and make it a little cutesy. 

my pencil case was jam packed with highlighters, colourful pens and high quality markers, my concentration stays strict on the page in front of me, i tried to keep my penmanship neat while i'm trying to write something in cursive. a warm hand wraps around my ankles as i look down beside me seeing chris look at me with want in his eyes. “hi chris,” i simply say looking at the boy while i put the cap back onto my brush tip marker. 

“hi baby,” he looks up at me with a beaming bright smile, he just radiates good energy and love. he drops his phone beside him now playing a song instead of the various audios from tiktok. 

his hand sneaks up into my pencil case grabbing a yellow marker from it. he uncaps it and i feel the light pressure of it press down onto my skin, the yellow marker glides along my scar, he continues to draw past it to make a star out of the previously hurt skin. chris knew i was self conscious about my scars, it was a permanent reminder of the pain i went through in highschool. 

he didn’t care though. he continued to draw random doodles on my leg, moving on to my arms where more scars lay hurt, he switched out his marker for a different colour the more he explored. little hearts, stars and chris’ signature riddle my legs and arms, i feel his writing getting a bit faster. It looks like a sentence but i couldn’t quite read it.

 i stopped what i was doing a long time ago, now just admiring what he was doing. he was so focused on writing his signature on the larger line of a scar i had on my arm using the line from my body to represent the line through the dollar sign he always made whenever he wrote his name. 

he does a very magnificent heart beside his name, filling it in still trying to be very soft on  my skin as the ink seeps in. he plants a fulfilling kiss onto the scar now covered in orange ink, he looks up at me with a little bit of a knowing look painted on his face. “im sorry, it was only meant to be a little ink but your scars are beautiful, as is the rest of you.” his finger underlines the sentence imprinted on my skin as he reads it out. 

“chris i'm gonna cry oh my gosh. you are so cute, you know that?” i saw trying to hold back a sob. 

a chuckle escapes his smiley lips “i love you so much y/n” his lips make contact with the star that started the rest of the pseudo tattoos. i wish i could keep this image in my head forever, because this was a moment too precious to let go of.

taglist - @westwiing13 @comet235 @mayhem73

[morningnoodles]

Some years after the Battle of the Five Armies and rebuilding Erebor together, Thorin abdicated the throne, and along with Bilbo (who was Consort under the Mountain) lived happily ever after unto the end of their days. These are snippets of their lives in retirement.

bagginshieldtober day 31 - retire ♡ the final piece for this month!

firstly, big thanks to @smolestboop for creating this wonderful event. it's been so fun to see everyone's take on the prompts and joining in myself. ♡

secondly, i was very much inspired by three lovely creators and bagginshield fan works for these snippets. so from left to right, top to bottom:

their exchange is from this hilarious post by @ihobbit

i was thinking about a Very Specific Chapter from the lovely @conkers-theficwriter's bagginshieldtober fic "Stealing Moments, Moments Away" whilst drawing this particular snippet. iykyk haha please please please read it!!!

the line is from one of my favourite post-BotFA oneshot by @storiesforsomeone, "Forever is composed of nows", which also heavily inspired this imagery. i've always wanted to draw a specific scene from the fic and i'm happy i finally had a go at it. please please please read it!!!

and lastly, close ups (and more ramblings lmao) under the cut ☆

the people of Erebor don't really quite know how to take their former King and Consort walking around like a normal old bickering couple but they're happy for them. ♡

i've wanted to draw clingy Thorin for a while haha! he likes to wear Bilbo's quilted robe (particularly when Bilbo is away for Consort duties). even when it doesn't really fit him well. he wears it so often that Bilbo finally had a similar quilted robe made for him which is what he's wearing there. he still likes to hug Bilbo's own robe close especially when he's not around haha

they try and visit the Shire and Bag End often. at some point Bilbo grows a bit self-conscious of his grey hair and Thorin happily takes the role of a loving husband who reminds him he was, is and will always be ever wonderful. ♡

That's an oak tree over there.

[meanbossart]

Ask Compilation: Advice, influences and Misc.

Apologies for taking so long on some of these, admittedly I'm much more likely to entirely forget about asks that are about me and my interests 💃 Thank you for all the questions regardless! And thank you specially to everyone who just drops nice messages into my inbox out of kindness.

I'm brazillian and a native portuguese speaker!

I'll probably return to twitter eventually, but a) I hate that place and b) It didn't make much sense to me to turn it into a BG3 account out of the blue. I am considering making an Instagram or a new twitter just to have more places where people can follow in case they don't care for tumblr, but it's just been a very busy year so far and so that's kind of low on the list of priorities. If I ever do that I'll be sure to announce it here. Have a nice day yourself!

Sorry to hear that! I've gotten a few messages before about this issue, and the problem is that since I am myself not from the US, my options are also limited :( a lot of patreon alternatives don't work for me because they either don't go through paypal, take insane currency conversion fees, or just straight up block me from signing up.

Speak for yourself, I just assume everyone I speak to online has committed some sort of atrocious crime until proven otherwise. Except for me - of course. I have never done anything bad in my life.

I still have a lot to learn! But I will basically use whatever works for me at the moment, as well as make a sincere effort to learn about musculature and anatomy so I can understand those components and how they move, instead of only knowing what they look like when still - that's how you get better at drawing from memory. Volume mostly comes from coloring and understanding light, which is it's own beast but can very much be learned from similar reference materials and observing it IRL!

My favorite places to get reference are medical diagrams, weird pictures I take of myself, 3D software (often Virt-a-mate) and questionably phrased image google searches.

My favorite artists are Jason Shawn Alexander and Sean Murphy, but I'm not sure how much of it reflects in my art nowadays! I generally seek to pick up techniques from artists rather than to emulate style.

Honestly I love that you guys generally do the thing he would hate the most: take him very non-seriously LOL

I've been in a real Chelsea Wolfe and Amyl And The Sniffers kick lately! But usually you'll also find me listening to stuff like Boy Harsher, Swans, FWF, JK Flesh Lingua Ignota, Nick Cave, David Bowie, and so on. Music for the weird gays, basically.

I went insane and wrote a 23-chapter-long-and-still-ongoing fic in like four months. But also - I'm not that good, I'm just shamelessly pretentious LOL

Hm. That's a good question, but I'm not really sure. Sincerely not trying to be a edgier-than-thou here (in fact, this has made me a little self conscious at one time or another) but a lot of art that I don't mean to be horror-y in nature at all has been associated with the genre. So perhaps I don't know what I'm doing either, LOL.

I think just leaning on making things look slightly "wrong" or "ugly" on purpose is the way, but I also find that if you just seek to depict people as they are instead of idealized versions of themselves, you will arrive at that either way.

Thank you for reading! Honestly, I'm guilty of having not read much at all since I was in my late teens, and the style I'm employing for ANE is very different from the things I would call "influential" for me, or even that I used to enjoy reading at all before. I read a lot of Chuck Palahniuk as a youth (and, no slight to people who do like him still, but nowadays I'm not sure why I ever did. His stories don't speak to me at all anymore) as well a lot of weird experimental lit that I didn't even care to remember the name of. My last book stint from one or two years ago was composed solely of historical and medical literature, and last year I got really into Cormac Mcarthy thanks to the internet.

So, all in all, I'm absolutely all over the place LOL if you put a gun to my head and told me to list my favorite books, I'd say The Indifferent Stars Above and Blood Meridian.

(Consider the reading portion of the question to have been answered above) I really really liked Beau is Afraid and think it's a really great "horror" movie. Sue me.

[e-vay]

Hi! I have been following you for a while and I don't know if someone has already asked you this, but have you ever thought of redraw one of your comics? Like, just to see how much you improved or just for fun?

I hope I have explained myself, because English is not my first language 😅

P.S. all your drawings are so pretty, and seeing how you improve over time has inspired me a lot, and I'm sure it has inspired many people too 💖 keep it up! :D

Hello! Thank you so very much! You know, I really think I should do that some time. Whenever I see notifications for the art I did when I first joined tumblr, ugh it makes me cringe! LOL But hey art is about improvement so if people seeing my old ugly art compared to now gives them confidence in their own growth, then I'm happy.

Also -- this goes for you and everybody else who says this -- please don't feel self-conscious about talking to me and English not being your first language. I really appreciate you making the effort to speak to me, especially you going out of your way to message me in the language I speak. I'm very thankful that I've been able to reach audiences from all over the world so I will never judge you even if the translation doesn't come out right (Your English was great, btw!)

[dyemelikeasunset]

Hey, Naf! How you doing? Just passing to say that I really love Dom and Mor. Their relantionship is so sweet, I love their dynamic! Love how they are so supportive of each other. I really like the way you treat heavier topics and I can't wait to read their backstory! I found myself thinking about them constantly. I like the way you depict Dom's asexuality, I'm not ace myself, so it's been really interisting to me. Another thing that I like about your comic, is how you portraits Morgan, I like how feminine she is. Like, in comics featuring an interracial couple, the darker character is often portrayed as masculine or more brute and the paler one as petite and feminine. Your art style is also so good! I love it! I hope you're enjoying your well-deserved rest! Wish you all the best 💕

(ps: I hope this is comprehensible, english is not my first language)

Your English is wonderful! Thank you so much!!!

I'm so happy you think of them so often. It makes me very motivated to keep writing and drawing!! And it's very nice to know that even people who aren't asexual still like reading about that part of Domi!! I hope everyone enjoys learning more about her as the series goes on 🥰

And thank you for liking how feminine Mor is!! I have a masc fashion style and sometimes i get self conscious about how I depict my feminine characters. But I really dislike the unflattering depiction of interracial couples in a lot of BL and GL and just rarely see dark skinned women portrayed in a delicate and loving way. I really hoped to show that with Morgan and it means a lot to me that people can see it!

I know I've thanked you a lot, but this message made me very happy. So thank you again!! I am resting well, but I'm also very eager to share more stories of them with everyone soon!!

[equalperson]

being autistic and avoidant

i've noticed that both my avoidant personality and my autistic neurology impact each other greatly. still, even though it's one of the more frequent personality diagnoses alongside autism, i don't really see anyone talk about what being an avoidant autistic is like.

that being said, here are a few ways i notice they interact in my personal experience:

cognitive empathy

a major part of both disabilities are their impacts on cognitive empathy. autism often causes people to avoid assuming others' thoughts and feelings, while avoidants tend to assume these feelings are negative and personal.

before i developed my avoidant personality, i fell into the latter category. people could be blatantly unhappy and i'd just...assume things were fine.

at this point, however, my avoidant perspective-taking has definitely become my main thought process. i always feel like people hate me or what i'm doing or just generally aren't in the mood to deal with me.

i wouldn't say that i "have cognitive empathy" now, but moreso that i'm too focused on avoiding rejection to not be constantly assume the worst.

self-esteem

another part of avoidant personality is the idea that you're socially inept, regardless of evidence. being autistic complicates this since--by definition--all autistic people would be considered "socially inept" by society.

this makes it difficult to know when autistic self-awareness ends and avoidant self-deprecation begins. am i incapable of [social thing] because i'm autistic, or because i simply don't believe i am?

at points, i've questioned my autism due to this. like, maybe i'm just exaggerating; i've seen allistic avoidants mistake it for autism before, as well.

however, others' perspectives and my significant restrictive/repetitive behavior makes it clear that it's not just me.

self-direction

my ability to manage myself is impacted by both my autism and my avoidance.

on the one hand, autism gives me executive dysfunction, autistic inertia, and rituals that are rigid to the point of self-sabotage.

but on the other hand, being avoidant makes me too self-conscious to take care of myself easily, namely considering that i don't live alone, thus am in a constant state of social vigilance.

for example, i've yet to learn how to cook.

one issue is that i've gotten so used to the routine of having food made for me that it's triggering to be suddenly encouraged to change, but another is that i'm afraid of the attention taking any initiative would bring.

i don't believe i'd be shamed for it, but being avoidant makes any attention feel intimidating to me; it's not purely a fear of criticism, but generally a fear of recognition (which is ironic considering that i'm also a narcissist, making me very attention-seeking, as well).

social skills

not only does being avoidant impact how i think of my social abilities, but also how i utilize them.

being alexithymic, it can be hard to understand even my own motivations in things. at points, i can't tell if i'm being quote/unquote "socially inept" because i can't understand the situation or because i simply don't want to make any moves.

for example, i almost never make eye contact with others. i originally thought of this as part of my autism, but i honestly can't tell if it's that or my avoidant personality.

on the one hand, eye contact is sincerely overwhelming, but on the other, i can easily do it with animals, fictional characters, and my own reflection. i also made eye contact pre-avoidance. maybe i'm simply too afraid of the intimacy, not actually sensory-sensitive to it?

in other situations, it can be a mixture of both autism and avoidance.

for example, i tend to avoid initiating conversations. i don't want to draw attention to myself or risk rejection, but i also genuinely don't know how i'm expected to start a conversation at all.

external perceptions

i've been told that my social anxiety is obvious, but not my autism. if most people knew what avoidant personality was, i assume i'd probably be recognized as outright avoidant very easily.

pretty much everyone considers me withdrawn in some way. i've been called quiet, indecisive, easy (as in "passive"), reserved, and various similar words.

in some cases, this works in my favor. there have been situations where people have treated me even friendlier than they do others because they see me as fragile.

in many other cases, this works against me; people avoid me because i'm too withdrawn for their tastes. this enables my avoidant behavior, as it affirms--and partially caused--my belief that no one could actually want to be around me.

in other cases, people don't see me as anxious, but just emotionally cold. people have sometimes questioned if i hated them or was angry with them due to my behavior. however, this is typically due to explicitly autistic behavior rather than anything avoidant.

apparently, people also see me as somewhat eccentric. my mom described it once as "the many quirks of ian." i'm not fully aware what these quirks are, but they're there.

[gremlintheslut]

Forever theirs (redone)

Chapter 6 help me mommy

Warning- bondage, cnc, nicknames, mommy kink , daddy kink, overstim

Dead dove do not eat

Master list

The door opens and rhea walks in. "how's she settling in puppy?" she asks not even looking at us as she heads to the corner where a set of draws sit. "we've talked about that nick name" he growls and i can feel the vibrations in his chest. "yeah, yeah puppy" she says finally turning to look at us after putting something away in said draws. "aww, you not settling in well doll face?" she mocks me flashing me her fangs as she smiles widely.

"why don't I get Finn and you two can put her in her place?" she asks Damian. "sounds like a plan" he says holding me tight. I feel weirdly comforted by the idea of someone I know being here. But they're going to put me in my place?

I hear rhea leave. I continue to cry as I am kept still by the hairy man behind me. I hear another person enter the room. I know for a fact it's Finn. I don't want to look at him. "you remember the plan?" he asks clearly not talking to me.

I assume Damian nodded his head because they both got into action. Damian carried me to a bed in the corner of the room. Finn helped tie my legs down and then they both left for a few seconds. I immediately untied myself. I ran to the door and opened it.

Only to find rhea standing right in front of it. She tsked at me shaking her head. "they were gonna go easy on you too," she said stepping forward. I step back letting her into the room. She shut the door with her foot and locked it with her back to it. "too easy in my opinion"

"but, they can't go easy on you now. I'm sure Damian told you what would happen if you were a problem. Sure you have some balls but we can't deal with this constantly. So, I hope they can convince you to straighten up because I really like you and I'd hate to see you go so fast" she says continuing to step forward until my back hits something. Then I feel a pair of arms wrap around me.

Rhea and Finn carry me to the bed. They rip off my clothes and tie me down again. The knots are much tighter. They dig into my skin and I can't move without them burning. Damian comes back with a black duffle bag. He opens it and I can't see inside from where I am. He pulls out a small bullet vibrator and a collar. Rhea takes the collar from him and places it around my neck.

"is it too tight?" she asks as if she really cares. I shake my head feeling embarrassed and self-conscious as I am naked in front of strangers. "I said is it too tight?" she raises her voice tightening it around my throat. "yes mommy" I mumble out. She losens it to how tight she had it before. "and now?" she asks. "that's perfect mommy" I mutter afraid of being hit or choked. "good" she kisses my head and wishes me good luck before leaving me alone with the men.

I whimper as the vibrator is placed on my clit at the medium setting. I see Finn get a bottle of lube out of the corner of my eye. "she's not stretched be careful" Damian reminds Finn and he nods. Damian climbs onto the bed in front of me. He unzips his pant and pulls them down to his mid-thigh along with his underwear. His cock is massive just like the rest of him. I have no idea how I'm going to take it but I guess I have to.

He lines himself up before slowly pushing into me. I try my best to hide my sounds but I fail and moan very loudly as he bottoms out in me. Soon I feel Finn press against my asshole. If he's the same size as Damian he's going to make me bleed. He slowly pushes inside of me. Thank god he's not as girthy but I am still in a lot of pain.

Tears roll down my face. Damian wipes them away with his thumbs almost scratching my face but he seems to be careful not to now. "you're doing so good" he whispers in my ear. The butterflies in my tummy flutter as I didn't expect to be praised.

It's quite comforting. Finn continues to push in until he balls deep in me. They begin to thrust in and out of me at the same pace. I moan as they speed up. I begin to cry more.

The vibration from the bullet and the pleasure I am getting from both of them is too much. I feel my orgasm approaching. My moans become loud and desperate and I almost ask them to turn the vibrator up before I remember where I am. I'd probably be hating myself right now if I wasn't feeling so fucking good.

I am teetering on the edge of my orgasm. "cum for us lass" I hear Finn whisper in my ear. I come undone on their cocks. But they don't stop or slow down. I am so sensitive it hurts. Within a matter of seconds, I'm close again. Just as I am about to cum Finn reaches around and turns the vibe up to the highest setting. I squirm the rope burning me but I don't care. I come undone again. Just like before they don't stop or slow down.

Again I'm on the brink of my third orgasm. Every wave of vibration brings a sharp pain. At this point both Finn and Damian are close. I pray to god neither of them wants another round after this. My moans and whimpers are so loud and desperate that I might as well be screaming.

I can feel the coil building in my stomach again. Damian hits my G-spot and I yelp in pain and pleasure as I cum again.

Both of the men are grunting chasing their own releases. Damian more growling than grunting. My whines only encourage them. Their thrusts get sloppy and finally, they paint my walls with hot sperm.

But they don't stop they keep going and going. I'm at my 6th orgasm and I'm sobbing. "please! I'll-I'll be good. I'll do everything you ask just, please stop." I cry out. I am met with shush's mixed with grunts and growls. I am approaching my 7th orgasm. I hear the door open I look and see rhea watching us. "mommy please make them stop!" I beg wanting nothing more than for this to end. She just laughs at me.

"Please, mommy" I cry on the brink of my orgasm. My sobs once moans of pleasure get louder as I tip over the edge. I am out of energy. My screams have been getting quiet. Rhea watches us for a bit before leaving again.

My orgasm is building up again. I can't take it anymore. I am in so much pain. "please Stop, please" I sob harder and harder as I get closer. "good girl" Finn mumbles on the edge of his release.

I cum undone again and at this point, I would be screaming if i had the energy.

Roughly 30 mins later I'm on my 12th orgasm and Then the door opens again. I know it's rhea. I have lost almost all of my energy and Begin to slip into little space.

my screams have turned into whines and hums over the last 30 mins. I'm in so much pain. "do you want your pacifier baby?" rhea asks softly. I nod my head. "yes mommy" I mumble out breathlessly. Rhea reaches into the duffle bag on the floor and pulls out my pacifier from home. She puts it to my lips and I open my mouth for her. I suck on the pacifier gently.

I rest my head on Damian's shoulder and cry. They continue using me. Rhea watches my face with a loving expression on her face. "adorable" she says kissing my head and wiping my many tears. She looks as if she is debating something in her head. Then she grabs me by the chin and lifts my head up.

She kisses the side of my neck before biting down. I feel her teeth pierce my skin. I let out a whiper at the feeling. She removes her teeth from my neck and begins to suck on the wound. I get more and more lightheaded as she sucks my blood. Once she decides shes done she pulls away and kisses my cheek.

My head spins and i battle unconsciousness. "should we wrap it up?" Finn asks the others sounding distant to my ears. "it'll be easier to keep her like this if you keep going for a bit" Rhea says and they do as they're asked.

"and once your nice and fucked out you can come upstairs for bath, that sound nice?" she says obviously talking to me. I nod my head and babble three quite syllables of nonsense meant to be 'yes mommy,' she smiles before walking away. The rest is a foggy nightmare.

Words-1556

I'm back bitches!!!! ❤💕💓

[rhys-ravenfeather]

So.

Here we are, on the cusp of 2025.

This is my last 'signing on' post of 2024.

This is normally the part where I'd share the drawings I'm proudest of from the first and last halves of the year...but something bizarre happened this year.

Looking through all the drawings I've done over the course of 2024...there are just so many art projects I'm proud of that it might actually be easier for me to list the drawings I've done this year that I'm not that crazy about.

I...can't think of another time in my life where something like this has happened. But it's true--there were a lot of drawings I made this year that I set out to do, got done...and I'm actually really happy with the end results! And yeah okay, I still wish that my art got more notes here on Tumblr, but regardless of how much attention it may or may not end up getting, I have even more drawing ideas planned for the future, and with any luck as I keep working and practicing my art and other creative endeavors, my efforts will start getting noticed by more people :P Obviously I'm going to keep drawing and making art regardless anyway...but that in and of itself I think is proof of how far I've come, considering that once upon a time I got VERY easily discouraged and self-conscious about my art, and was too scared to even TRY drawing.

So instead, I'm going to shout-out some awesome people, some of whom are also artists :P

@donkeybro and @winged-wolf-s-collection-of-arts both for liking and reblogging dang near every piece of art I've posted, as well as to the former for putting up with all my nonsense through everything, and to the latter for this wonderful picture of SaSA! AU Snatcher:

To @gracebeth3604 for being a lowkey source of inspiration for me and getting me into Super Paper Mario, introducing me to my new favorite Mario villain and couple in Count Bleck and Blupani XD

To @hexsisters and @thatradfailure for being some of the best friends I've ever had, and consider myself fortunate to have known.

To @russianblue22, @wind-the-music-box, @kikiomori, @reaperjoshua, @xxdevilbydaylightxx, and @spectrumspace for sticking with me for a good few years now, most of you since the days of my original Tumblr blog, back from 2012-2016. And to the latter as well for this wonderful drawing you did of my boy Max!

And to everyone who I may have forgotten and/or who joined my Discord server.

But yeah, not to sound corny, but with all the twists and turns the last couple years have taken, including the friends I've lost, and how uncertain I am about the future...for honestly a couple reasons...I'm thankful for the friends I've made, and who have stayed with me for another year.

Thank you all for being in my life, and here's hoping for the best as we head into 2025.

[beanmaster-pika]

Hello!! I just read ur fic, The Shoot of Conscious Attainment (at least i hope this is the same person? I only looked up the username), and i wanted to tell u how much i absolutely loved it!!

First of all, I'm a big Venti & Nahida enjoyer myself and it's criminal they haven't yet interacted in-game. Ur fic scratched a very particular itch and im so so glad i found it!! It also helped a lot that they were so in character, it really felt like official content. Their interaction was everything i wanted to see and more!!

The prose itself was very beautiful, especially from Nahida's inner monologue. The play on "old-new" and "unfamiliar-familiar" in regards to Venti was absolutely delicious. And the description of Nahida's hands, specifically the "five hundred years of childhood" part has me in a chokehold. U did such an amazing job portraying her feelings and the smallness she experiences it's unreal.

And obviously Venti himself was glorious, from the wind cuddling to the holding back physical affection until Nahida initiated it. So so good, all of it.

It was really just very enjoyable overall and i liked it a lot!! If i could give it multiple Kudos i would. Loved, loved, loved it!! Thank u for writing it and for sharing it with the world 💖

Aaaaaaaaa thank you so much this is so nice!!!! Always wonderful to meet a fellow Venti & Nahida fan ^^ I'm honored you enjoyed it and thought they were in-character!! I'm glad you liked the prose too!!

My characterization of Nahida draws in part from reading heartslogos (the god of Sumeru fics. To me) fics around the time I wrote this if you're ever on the hunt for recs 👀They wrote some incredible Nahida-centric ones a couple years ago, and I'm glad I was able to channel that energy and have it come through! Even if she's one of if not the smartest people in the world and 500 years old, she still lived those centuries as a bird in a cage that prevented her from growing. I hope that in between her archon duties, she now gets to experience a real childhood and explore the world and ultimately grow up happy :')

One of the sad things about Rukkhadevata being erased from Irminsul is that Nahida doesn't just have big shoes to fill but big shoes that she already supposedly filled before. Poor radish. Trying to live up to a standard you've set yourself and being unsure if you can do it again is a different sort of torment from trying to live up to your predecessor.

I am glad also that you enjoyed Venti's portrayal, the wind cuddles were something self-indulgent that I wrote for Me so I'm glad others actually like them 🙏 In part because he's nervous about meeting Nahida and doesn't want to make her uncomfortable but also he's an affectionate person!! He's fifty percent mischief but the other fifty percent is love!! and also because I am just. Endlessly fascinated by his connection with the wind. He is the wind itself. It's like an extension of him, but without the solid physicality that actually tethers it to him if that makes any sense.

Anyways! Thank you for reading it and sharing your thoughts with me!!!! 💗 (and for leaving kudos) I'm happy that you liked it enough to say all this!

[dreadfutures]

I hold in two hands:

everything is going pretty well. I am slowly making friends and deepening friendships IRL in my dream town. relationship w my family is the best it may have ever been in my life. my job is easy and satisfying and eases my conscience and I enjoy it. i am getting back into physical art. I call my best friend from grad school every week. I play DND with my best friends from college every week. I play Pathfinder with a group I've been with for six years every week. I have every cuisine imaginable available to me, there is every kind of hang out spot nearby, transit is cheap, and I'm under very little pressure in life. I have improved my digital art over the years and have the honor of being commissioned to draw people's OCs! I have a story I've been writing for four years that I am still passionate about and invested in with a dedicated readership of 100 or so people every update. I get to participate in exchanges of art and writing about fandoms I love, with people who love them. I have been able to introduce good people looking for communities to good communities full of good people. I have been able to run a (so far!) successful large fan event to celebrate all of that. I have so much I'm looking forward to, games and music and movies and books, travel, visits, museums...

and

I am tired. Depression is coming back for me like the tide and with it comes this irrational unsteadiness. Where things have been certain, solid, steady, and where I've been unconcerned and happy, I'm finding myself insecure, jealous, shy, uncertain, self deprecating, self conscious, unconfident, unhappy. everything I make I question. I can't help but feel the weight of all the things I usually brush off as meaningless. There's no amount of rationalization, reassurance, or interactions that can turn that around.

It just is. Both. All at once. For now.

I am very grateful for what I have. I really am. but I will never not be depressed, you know? Like, if I'm being pulled under by a rip current every few months, at least the water is warm now. And it'll let me out eventually I guess, as it always does, and I'll find my footing again. It's easier to find footing again and not drown than it was 5, 7, 10 years and many prescriptions ago. but right now I just wish I could find a therapist to have an outlet to express, process, experience those feelings safely with another human being who won't be affected by it all. It has been a long time since I've been the kind of childish person who goes crying and wailing about my insecurities to people in search of validation and praise that I would then reject. But watching other people do it makes me wish I wasn't so far along on the self awareness journey and could be so freely pathetic again. Because that behavior does receive so much validation, pretty intensely, lots of preening comments that feel morbidly good and bad simultaneously, you know? But it feels better than silence, even if it comes with the shame of publicly begging for attention and validation lmao. But better than silence is also just having a place to express stupid feelings and cry a river about petty things and then be able to sigh or laugh it off and put those feelings in broader contexts and move on without ruining my life and relationships.

I just fucking wish they didn't all set their appointments by telehealth only, and in the middle of my goddamn work day.

I don't want a room mate again but I wish I didn't live alone. I wish I just had someone who got me, who sees me and loved me, in the same room, day and night. I miss the person who inspired DPDF a lot these days. they weren't the first person I had that connection with and they don't have to be the last. and our connection isn't the same anymore but it's still precious and it's hard being apart but that's how it has to be. There will be others. it'll be fine. someday maybe. in the meantime it's cooling down from this heat wave and there are lunches to attend and weird driveway artisan shows to sniff out and cafes to write in and cute outfits to wear and things to learn and I'll play more good games and I'll get my hair done special and at some point the positive feelings will catch up again and maybe I'll be able to enjoy them fully like a normal human being. at some point I'll blink awake in the middle of a conversation and realize I'm feeling happy and clear again. that's how it always happens and in the meantime I hold both of these feelings in separate hands at once. Tangible. If I say out loud that they're both real then they both can be, again.

[jojo-schmo]

Jojo nooo your metadede is not cringe whatsoever!! It's the evil Jojo just getting to you, it happens sometimes smh One thing I will admit is that I go to your blog every day for your art, whether it be metadede or anything else <33

Keep doing what you do and don't let anyone stop you >:)

That's very kind of you to say!! Gosh, I really appreciate that you like my work enough to visit so often! I needed to hear something like this, so thank you <3

I don't know.... I'm feeling a lot better now, but I definitely made up this insecurity about drawing certain things like metadede in my head. There were posts circulating a while back (and I don't remember the exact ones so this isn't directed at anyone) about how tiring it is to see mischaracterized characters or too much art of popular ships with metadede as one of the examples.

A valid opinion! It can be frustrating to curate one's own feed to a particular interest/opinion/headcanon and not see anything new for a long time. Or hold an opinion that's different than what appears to be the majority of the fanbase, and not get any interaction with it- or worse, have people telling them that their opinion is just straight up wrong (which isn't true! Kirby is special because it's so up to interpretation that I think it's really wonderful to see everyone's different worlds filled with different character stories and creative ideas!!)

So reading some of those discussions on different social media, I made myself self-conscious by thinking I was contributing to some kind of problem by sharing my art. For the first time in years, I thought I was creating and sharing "cringe" content and I should be ashamed for some reason.

After some time to process it, I realized that as long as I tag my work and don't try to shove it into circles that don't want to see it, it's not hurting anyone!

All I'm trying to do on here is the best I can. I want to come home from my 8-5 office job and spend the little free time I have making something that brings me joy and fulfillment to make. I love exploring character interactions and "what if" scenarios and sometimes just plain old sugary sweet fluff. And it won't be everyone's cup of tea so I'll keep doing my best to tag accordingly and if I ever miss a tag, lemme know so I can fix it. :)

So yes. I'm feeling much better and will continue to gently offer my work in my little corner of the internet here- and whoever wants to see can come and go as they please. I'm just glad to keep the lovely company I have now. <3