#I'm very funny and unappreciated in my time.

[sincethewreck]

[i-dreamed-i-had-a-son]

Broke (2016): BBC Sherlock is a phenomenal piece of media and anything that seems like a flaw just hasn't been fully explored yet

Woke (2020): BBC Sherlock is an incredibly flawed series run by an egotistical writer, it never deserved the hype and is actively bad on so many fronts (especially representation)

Bespoke (2024): BBC Sherlock is flawed and bogged down by increasingly poor writing, which many fans refused to see while it was airing, leading to hugely misplaced expectations (particularly for the final series), AND it has the seeds of some compelling characterizations and portrayals, some genuinely solid performances, and touches--albeit imperfectly--on complexities that are still being discussed today (particularly as it relates to the relationship between Sherlock and John). The huge cultural impact of the show has created a massive pendulum effect in its public perception, leading to most people today remembering a caricature of the show (whether positive or negative) rather than appreciating its nuanced merits and failings...that being said Season 4 sucked

[deakyjoe]

Somebody’s Watching Me Epilogue

Pairing: Simon “Ghost” Riley x Reader (“Sarge”, she/her pronouns, British, backstory)

Category: slowburn coworkers to friends to lovers with grumpy x sunshine dynamic/idiots in love

Summary: Five years later.

Warnings: domestic things, British/slang terminology

Word count: 700ish (a baby to finish the story)

A/N: Well, it’s been a long journey. And it has been months since I posted the last part. But here we are! At the end! Finally! Thank you for coming along for ride, I’m so grateful for every single one of my readers. I hope you’ve enjoyed Simon and Sarge’s story. And just because their main storyline is over doesn’t mean I won’t post other little things for them in the future.

Consider buying me a coffee :)

"Sarge, I'm telling you that it's fine. They just repackaged it. I'm sure it tastes the same."

You pushed the carton of juice away from where it was being waved in your face. "No! Look! It says that they added a whole extra apple to the recipe."

Simon sighed frustratedly and lowered the carton. "That's good, you love apples."

You groaned, hating it when he was right. "But it's going to taste different. And I hate change!" You almost hated it as much as when he was right and you were wrong, which you'd never admit.

"Do you want the apple juice or not?"

You ignored him and put the carton with your other items of shopping, walking away before Simon could comment.

He caught up to you quickly, his strides much longer than yours. “That was the last thing, let’s go and pay.”

You didn’t answer verbally, just nodded and knew he was smirking at your stubbornness. Simon had always hated the fact that he’d never been able to tame the brat out of you. But you thought your naturally stubborn nature was a good thing. It was the trait that got you to where you were now with your lieutenant.

You joined the back of the line behind an elderly couple and began placing your shopping on the conveyor belt, Simon rearranging it all as you did it to make it look neater.

He insisted his way was more efficient.

You let him believe that.

It didn’t escape your notice when the woman in front of you turned to look at you both as you bickered about the way a two litre bottle should face.

“This way is better, Sarge.” Simon huffed, turning it around.

“But it rolls around that way!” You replied, exasperated.

“Fine. You should be glad I’m so fond of you.”

You scoffed. “I bloody well hope so after all this time. Fond of me? Fond!”

He sent you one of his radiant smiles that you were one of the lucky few to receive. “Would you rather I declare my undying love for you with a dramatic reading of a Shakespeare sonnet in the middle of big Tesco?”

“Wouldn’t go unappreciated.” You sniffed, smiling back at him with all thoughts of the rolling bottle forgotten.

The older woman squinted at the both of you trying, but not succeeding, at subtly tapping at her husband’s shoulder in order to get his attention. He just ignored her.

But when the woman's eyes landed on Simon, the recognition dawned and her face molded into a satisfied one. And then when they strayed to the matching wedding rings on the both of you, she just about jumped in joy.

You stared right back at her, waiting for her to say something. You were sure she was the same woman who'd assumed you and Simon were a couple five years ago when you'd first bumped into each other in this very same supermarket.

Funny how things work out.

She gave you a warm smile which you tentatively returned before she turned back around to pay for her groceries.

Your husband leant down to mutter in your ear. “Is that-?”

“Yeah.”

“Thought so.”

You beamed up at Simon, suddenly very happy at the way things had happened. You always were but sometimes the wonderful nature of your situation really hit you.

“Why’re looking at me with that silly grin on your face?” He grumbled, although he couldn’t hide the softness in his eyes.

“Dunno. Maybe because I get to look at your gorgeous face every day.” You nudged him with your elbow.

He stepped closer to you, tilting his head down to better meet your eyes. “Mhm, for the rest of your life. Lucky you.”

“Very lucky me.” You quipped back. He was being sarcastic and self deprecating but really what he was saying was completely true. You did consider yourself very lucky. And you always would.

Simon could see you were being genuine, as you always were with him. So he decided to return the gesture. “Think I’m the luckier one.”

You just shrugged. He could believe that if he wanted to. You’d spend the rest of your life trying to convince him otherwise. And, boy, did you have a lot of time to do that. Practically forever.

A/N: I re-read a couple chapters of Somebody’s Watching Me and it inspired me to finally finish writing this epilogue. And I’m so glad that I’ve done it now. Thanks again.

[mask131]

What Oz could have been: The Great and Powerful

I first heard about the original script for Disney's "Oz The Great and Powerful" through a fan art of Theodora by the brilliant artist hwilki65 over at DeviantArt. The fan-art in question is gone now, but do not hesitate to go check the artist's gallery over at DeviantArt, he is one of the most thorough Oz artists of the Internet with tons of clever and beautiful takes on the Ozian world.

Everybody remembers Disney's "Oz The Great and Powerful", right? This Disney movie that attempted to be a prequel to the MGM movie, and yet couldn't really because Disney didn't have the rights? This VERY divise 2013 movie which was a big flop in terms of Oz adaptation? You remember, this thing which took a very cool concept of prequel, a lot of beautiful visuals and impressive visual effects and just... drowned it in cliche plot points, wasted opportunities and the most insufferable characters you ever met?

Yeah, this movie.

In his description for his fan-art, hwilki65 evoked the original scenario for the movie. His fan-art was of the "original" Theodora, not the one from the movie - and while the final product might seem like a simple cash-grab attempting at reclaiming the MGM heritage, these early drafts proved that the movie ACTUALLY started out as much more faithful to the Oz books and more sincere in its attempt at reconciliating the various Oz heritages into something new.

Of course, the idea of a better original version of the movie, that eventually was butchered into the story we can see today, was very intriguing. So I checked out the original script for the movie (but not after YEARS of searching it around, because it wasn't disponible online at first). And OH MY! The original scenario is indeed very different from the final movie, and quite better in term of overall quality! I did a full breakdown of this script back at my Oz side-blog (@witchesoz ), but to give you a taste of what we lost, and to encourage you to go seek this original scenario, here are some key points different from the final movie:

Oscar, the Wizard of Oz. In the movie? A selfish, greedy, womanizing jerk who starts out as the villain of the story, and his evolution arc is basically just him learning to be a decent human being. In the original script? He was such a positive character - in fact I will dare say he was a saner and cleaner version of Jack Sparrow. He was this kind-hearted, goofy, extravagant stage magician VERY good at his job (he was also a ventriloquist like in the novel, AND an escape artist/contortionist), but unfortunately unappreciated by the folks of 1900s USA, so he was forced to do snake-oil selling just to survive. He wasn't motived by greed or lust, but by his day-dreaming and ambition at being the greatest magician of all time, acclaimed by the masses - and the reason he played into "Yes I'm the Wizard of the prophecy" wasn't because of some girls or riches, but simply because Oz was the first place where his magic tricks actually impressed someone.

Remember this little winged monkey fella that Oscar saves the life of in Oz, and so the monkey swears a "life debt" to the wizard and becomes his funny sidekick? In the original script it was the reverse situation. Oscar was helped by a winged monkey, and thanked the talking animal for saving his life, swearing he had a "life debt" TO THE WINGED MONKEY, not the reverse.

In the final movie, when Oscar is in the tornado, he just whimpers and begs for his life. In the original script? He underwent a King Lear-like monologue, insulting the winds and defying the storm, insulting the tornado and daring it to kill him.

Theodora... Oh, Theodora! The character was originally designed as the very opposite of what she ended up as. She wasn't a shy, naive, nice girl - she was this strong, confident, majestic witch. Oscar didn't manipulate her like a teenage girl: she was the one who manipulated Oscar like a puppet by pretending to be a good witch and forcing him into the role of The Wizard of Oz. Yes I say "by pretending" to be a good a witch. Because originally, Theodora was a wicked witch FROM the start. She knew and was in league with her sister's evil plan. The only difference between the two is that Theodora, as the younger and less experimented sister, still had some humanity left in her - feelings of kindness and human decency that the wizard managed to "wake up" by just... being nice to her and treating her like a regular human being. There was the whole "I give you the music box" scene, but it was the reverse? In the original draft Oscar didn't lie, he just gave her a random music box as a gift for helping him in Oz, just out of kindness without expecting anything in return ; and that DID touch Theodora because indeed, since she is a wicked witch, she never had such a genuine gift out of pure kindness.

Originally we would have the backstory of the Cowardly Lion. Theodora, wishing to "test" if the Wizard truly had powers or not, secretely turned a rabbit into a lion, and had it attack Oscar while he was alone and presumably defenseless... Only for the Wizard to shoot it with a gun, causing in this rabbit-lion the fear of humanity.

Originally the servants of the Wicked Witches were the various terrible tribes of the novel "The Emerald City of Oz", monstrous outsiders the Witch sisters had Oz invaded with. The Growleywogs, the Whimsies, the Nomes (well rather the Gnomes)...

In the movie Theodora "turn to evil" is literaly just "Oh, a guy cheated on me, I'm heartbroken, let me nomnom on some evil". In the original draft? SO MUCH BETTER! Evanora, noticing Oscar had rekindled the last piece of goodness in her sister, first tries to convince Oscar he should kill Theodora because she is "in league with the wicked witch". When Oscar refuses to commit murder, Evanora tries to convince Theodora Oscar was trying to kill her... But Theodora doesn't buy it and, even though the Wizard knows she is a Wicked Witch, she still helps him escape Evanora in return for the kindness he showed her. And afterward, Evanora spends many, many scenes abusing her sister, at first verbally, psychologically, finally physically, to convince her to give up on the last of her humanity and enter a deeper, more monstrous stage of wickedness. Theodora does end up burning her skin due to the tears - but they're the tears her sisters make her shed with her torture. And Theodora resists' Evanora poisonous words, only to give up when Glinda causes a siege on the Emerald City and the Witches must prepare themselves to directly confront and fight Oscar.

And can we speak about Glinda? She was SO MUCH closer to the Glinda of the books! She was this majestic, beautiful and powerful warlord-witch living in a grand palace in the south, all on her own (because, since she is a witch, she literaly needs no servant). As soon as she saw Oscar, she cut through his bullshit and shoot down his dream of grandeur, because she knows what real magic is (all Witches do, but the Wicked Witches played along to better manipulate Oscar). She gathers an ACTUAL army of thousand of people to besiege the Emerald City ; and during the war she uses so much more her powers, bu unleashing blinding mists and huge snowstorms, and literaly stopping or unleashing the winds. Oh yes, and all possible romance between Oscar and her is also clearly made impossible when it is revealed that Witches cannot kiss humans - else humans DIE (which also puts Theodora's loneliness under a new light).

Oh yes, and in the original draft, Oscar's development was actually him going from this ambitious daydreamer who only wished for a fantasy land to escape to, where he would be a great and acclaimed wizard... to him actually being fed up with Oz where everybody wants to kill or manipulate him, and dreaming to return to Kansas to settle down with those he truly love, and live there a mundane, quiet, normal life, as a regular man... Something he ends up being forced to give up, because he is needed to prevent the Wicked Witches from overtaking Oz, and so he literaly is trapped within his own dream and forced to give up what he realized too lat was what he wanted all along...

Seriously, the original draft for the movie was SO INSANELY COOL. It was still a rough draft and it had pacing problems, and some cheesy stuff that definitively needed to be cut, and also some weird phrasing that made it sound somehow racist sometimes? But outside of that, the characters and plot were truly so much better than what we got!

[hfjonewiki]

what Was ii-critical anyways. all i know is that they apparently said bfb should be like ddlc or something along the lines of that.

ii-critical was a blog that me and my old friend mira (alongside a few others at one point) used to run. it was around the time that su critical was a popular tag and mira had shit to say about inanimate insanity, so they made the blog to share their criticisms of the show. i joined as a mod shortly after. keep in mind that i was 14, and mira was 13.

ii-critical also had an accompanying discord server which i think played a big part in the blogs infamy, mostly because it was HORRIBLY moderated (again, we were children.) we had nsfw channels that were open to everyone INCLUDING minors. i dont even think we were listing our ages in our bios for a while. it was a nightmare.

there was a lot of behind the scenes nonsense and infighting that resulted in me being kicked as a moderator and eventually the death of the blog. mira and i made amends about a year afterwards, so even if we don't talk anymore, we arent on bad terms. while we were both at fault for a lot of things, i feel like it's important to mention that skatercheese was an active user in the server and had a lot of involvement in it. them sticking their hands in drama between people who were just barely teenagers feels really disturbing in hindsight.

btw i was the guy who said that bfb should be like doki doki literature club. i'm really autistic about the concept of metafiction (welcome home is one of my current interests so that is very much still a thing) and my dumb ass decided to share that idea as a "this is what the show should be like" and not a "lol wouldnt it be cool if this happened". anyways given how hated post-split is i think my idea was still better and i was unappreciated in my time (/j)

tldr i helped run the most infamous object show blog on tumblr along with an even worse discord server. a lot of people got hurt because of how irresponsible i was, and i'm gonna have to live with that forever. i really hope everyone who got hurt because of my negligence is doing okay now, or at least better than they were back then. me and the other mods and server members can laugh about how awful it was now, but i always have to keep in mind that there was a lot of very real damage done to real people and it wasn't just a haha funny bad blog.

one more thing is that kint (yes that kint yes they were also in the server) drew this for the server, and i'm still holding onto it all these years later. i don't even know who most of the people pictured are anymore, but i'm never deleting it.

(that's me in the middle, i was mod gamzee. i had that 14 year old homestuck kinnie stink about me, just to add to the miserable vibes.)

the moral of the story is that you should never let young teens who watch way too much lily orchard run a discorse blog of any kind.

[damsnackbar03]

My oc is such a goofy point of view to write.

She's just lacks common sense and takes nothing seriously.

Excerpt to explain what I mean:

(Notes; the duct tape bit doesn't entirely make sense without the chapter before this, Cherry's real name is Howie, and Cherry is a war veteran.)

"What am I supposed to do with plastic forks?" Cherry asked incredulously.

"What are you supposed to do with forks in general?" I countered.

"They don't very well carry actual weapons in a school, honestly," he huffed, his tone exasperated as he glared at me over his shoulder.

I rolled my eyes, then turned away from him as he continued to sift through the plastic packaged utensils. He mumbled something about 'back in his day', to which I hummed. I eyed a cabinet curiously, before nudging it open with my shoe. There were boxes inside, labeled with what I could only guess were the names of the staff. Crouching down, I clicked open one of the plastic containers, and was met by a mini cutlery set. I glanced back at Howie, half wanting to stuff the box back into the cupboard just to spite him.

"Cherry," I finally grumbled.

He didn't answer.

I got back to my feet, holding back the urge to stomp like a toddler. "Cherry!"

"What?" He called back to me.

"I found your stupid forks."

That piqued his interest, and he dropped his 'needle in a haystack' ambition. He trudged over to where I was, his expression flat as he looked at me. "Where?"

For a smart guy, he's really dumb. "In the boxes, Cherry."

"I knew that," he stated defensively. "Grab them." I found them and now I have to gather them too? I'm unappreciated in my time.

I relented, filling my arms with the brightly colored plastic boxes, which I carelessly dropped on the the counter. He glared at me, as if the thud had been a direct hit to his ego. I muttered a quick apology, one that I hadn't meant. Meticulously pulling forks from seventeen boxes was not a fun activity, would not recommend.

Cherry spread the cutlery across the counter, as if he were brandishing an armory.

"I can't believe they don't have knives," I commented.

"They don't prepare in-house meals, genius. Everything is frozen and prepackaged."

"Of course it wouldn't be prepared in-house," I replied. "It would be in-school." No laughs, not even a smile. Tough crowd.

Cherry rolled his eyes so far back that I almost expected them to get stuck. "It amazes me that you graduated highschool." He pulled a roll of duct tape out of a pocket of his pants leg, one that looked suspiciously familiar.

"What are you planning on doing what that?"

"Tying you up and making you zombie bait," he deadpanned.

I forced out a laugh. "Funny."

His expression didn't change as he reached across the counter and grabbed a pair of tongs that one would assume were used for piling food onto student's trays. Then he ripped a stripe of duct tape off of the roll, holding the handle of the tongs under his chin.

I was lost, until he taped a handful of forks to the end of the tongs, prong side out. I didn't know if that classified as a spear or as a mace, but it looked like it belonged in a torture chamber--or an arts and crafts table run by homicidal middle schoolers. I also didn't know if it classified as creativity or stupidity, nevertheless I was entertained by the idea. Maybe we could strap cookie sheets to our chests for the full 'home alone' look.

[livingfictional]

Hello! Can I have a rdr2 matchup, please? Im sorry if the info will be too much!

I'm 18 soon to be 19 (29/07) I do like (legal) age gaps tho! :)

Female, she/her, ExFJ 2w3, Leo Full typology: ExFJ 2w3 269 sp/so SLUAI FELV

I prefer villians and overall evil characters however I have a soft spot for kind, sweet big men :3 I prefer men in fiction

Personality:

I am pretty social, however I prefer to spend time alone! I care about others a lot… To an unhealthy amount honestly but I'm working on it! I love to help others and make them smile, but I do wish I would get something for being so nice in return, yeah it might sound greedy but I want to be appreciated! And get something nice haha, like just a compliment or something, when my helping and kindness gets unnoticed I might get upset because of how tired I am and I just want to be appreciated like I said before 😭 I wanted to be noticed and not ignored! I care too much about what others feel and think and it's tiring, I just want to be selfish sometimes and care about myself even if it sounds mean. I also love being mentioned/involved in things, it makes me feel liked <3

People call me funny! Well it all depends because everyone has a different sense of humor! But I am most of the time unserious and I love to joke around, serious situations are stressful so I prefer to be joyful, but I do like talking about serious topics (sometimes) Like I said before I love to make people smile and laugh with my jokes and overall with make them happy with presence. It's my job to make others happy <3

My humor is definitely not for everyone, it's mostly the humor of a 12 y/o kid which can be annoying to some people lmao (sometimes it's funny how people are annoyed by it) and some other things depending on how I feel. When it comes to annoyance I also like to annoy people <3 it's so fun! But I never want to make them really feel bad! Often I act like an asshole but this is just for jokes! (but sometimes I wanna be a real asshole lmao) Like I said I don't want them to actually feel bad, if I do, I will feel very guilty! When it comes to it I apologize A LOT, I apologize so much that it might too annoying but I always feel a sense of guilt inside of me. I'm also VERY sensitive and worry about everything. Ah and I'm pretty dumb and I am not trying to insult myself I am just silly hehe and I'm okay with that. Oh and Im clumsy 😭😭

People know that I am horny 24/7, like I said earlier I have a humor of a 12 y/o so there are a lot of sex jokes. I am very interested in nsfw things, kinks etc, I am the "horny" friend

Likes/Dislikes:

I LOVE LOVE horror and scary things, I can't imagine my life without it, its just a such interesting genre that makes me happy and intrigued! I adore horror games and I'm mostly interested in them, however most of the time I am scared of playing them so I just watch gameplays and stuff like that haha. You can say I am obssesed with horror! (its funny because its easy to scare me haha)

I love to eat food <3 especially sweet things

I also love cute things! Plushies, pink, clothes and other cute things! I just love it so much <3

I like games very much (I suck at them), art, anime, drawing and psychology! When it comes to music I love energetic ones!

I dislike slow music but there can be some exceptions.

I dislike cooking (I love when someone knows to cook however I suck at it

Appearance:

Around 156 cm height

Chubby

brown eyes

chin length hair with bangs

round glasses

Thank you and I hope you will have a wonderful day/night!

I hoe you enjoy, you sound like a lovely person 🎀

I match you up with… Sean!

Throws sex jokes right back at you, a horny bastard.

He’s the show off type, so he will make a big deal of how much he loves you, how amazing you are, how cute you are.

So you’ll never have an issue with feeling unappreciated around him.

Has to have his hands on you 24/7, even in public. He’s not the shy type, PDA al the way. Unless you’re not a fan, of course.

In private he will hold on to you, calloused hands rubbing over your soft skin.

He’s more of an oblivious type, loud and a bit dumb. But he always tries his best, making sure you feel loved.

[stedesparasol]

Please tell us everything about your evening at Rhys' show!!!

Oh strap in, anon.

So, my friend and I planned to meet with some people from a Cryptid Factor discord she’s in, at a pub before the show.  We walk into the pub and the second we step through the door, Rhys is right fucking there, sitting at the table by the doors.  We walk within inches of him, I'm internally screaming the whole time, and once we've gotten far enough past him I go up to my friend and start whisper-shouting "what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck" and she has no idea why I’m doing that bc it turns out she didn't notice she had been within 5cm of Rhys Fucking Darby, so I have to inform her and now it's her turn for internal screaming.  (This was old news to the CF people who were already here who had somehow maintained their composure for God knows how long.)  We then proceed to sit within the same room as him for like 40 minutes, all somehow managing to hold it together bc none of us wanted to be rude and disturb him.  (He was with Rosie and two guys, apparently one of whom was Ed Byrne???  Cannot confirm this bc I was desperately trying not to stare but I had noticed one of them had long hair so it does check out.)  Also I found out later someone at the table took a sneaky pic of him from afar which features my shoulder so... can't believe I have a pic with Rhys wow xoxo (I will post it if I ever get a hold of it!)

Anyway the show was about 6 comedians I think, with Rhys at the end.  He was stood at the side for some of it watching the others perform, it was dark and he was across the room from me so he was mostly a silhouette, but his hair is fucking luminous so I could still make him out.  The other comics were all good fun, a lot of the crowd were clearly here for Rhys but still had lots of enthusiasm for the other acts which I had been worried about, so that was good, but also leads me into the next anecdote...  At one point the MC (who was great) was talking to members of the crowd and unfortunately the subject of the Gay Pirate Show came up (cue me sinking into my seat out of embarrassment) and she had never heard of it but made a few jokes about the concept of gay pirates which were very funny and then said she'd have to watch it.  At no point did she realise that Rhys was in it and I have no idea if he ever told her but the thought of him listening to all of this backstage made me want to die personally.

Rhys' set was great fun, I think it was all stuff he'd done before but I wasn't expecting new material so that was fine, it was kind of like going to a concert and hearing your favourite songs live.  The robot impression is my Mr Brightside.  So he did the pickpocket bit, a bunch of sound effects, and the Westworld audition bit.  Don't really need to elaborate on the set since most of it exists out there already in some form but I cannot tell you how funny it was to go from the EXTREMELY sexually explicit jokes from the comedian on directly before him, to Mr Darby Makes His Creaky Door Sound.  (Although the pickpocketing bit does contain innuendo about getting fingered by some guy, which did not go unappreciated.)

Now, to be shallow for a bit: I have already made reference to this in another post but... legs.  He was wearing the hell out of those skinny jeans let me tell you.  Also witnessing the hair in person was an experience, the way it just settles into different shapes... it really is like putty.  He just looked fucking great.  Had to put that in here somewhere.

Anyway, after the show my friend and I and a couple of other people happened to be standing at the same side of the room as the backstage door, which was unintentional (at least from me, idk maybe some of them knew what they were doing lmao) but at some point while we were chatting Rhys came out with Rosie, some people stopped him before us and one or two got a hug, he saw us looking and said "hi guys!" so we all told him great show and all that, and one person asked him to sign something.  He clearly just wanted to get out of there tbh lol (apparently they were going for dinner and I was personally starving so I get it buddy, long night) but he complimented their art and signed it, and then they were on their way.  So a very brief interaction but it was still a delight just to watch his show and say hi tbh, and a really fun night overall.

Including this photo one more time for posterity.  That's the money shot.

[ziskandra]

From the salty asks: worst part of canon and your favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores

9. Worst part of canon?

Probably the chunks of Origins that have aged poorly. Like, I still love the game, but even I can't help but dunk on the character creator being like ~men and women are equal in Thedas~ only for that very much not to be the case as soon as the game starts. I get what they meant, but in today's day and age it just comes across as very out-of-touch, lol. I feel like some things like the Dark Ritual and the everything about Broodmothers would also be tackled differently if the game was being developed today! 22. Favourite part of canon that everyone ignores I've answered this question previously with my Thoughts on the History of the Chantry™, as well as Arl Eamon and his two dads. That being said, I still have other areas of canon that are close to my heart which I think deserve more attention! For instance: The Missing Kirkwall Years, aka the three years between the end of DA2 & Inquisition. Like, sure, the game makes some reference to the years in between but I would love to see that time period explored in more detail. Especially in a world state where Hawke sides with the mages because like, honestly kind of impressed that Seneschal Bran, Aveline and Cullen managed to keep the city together that whole time without Hawke there to help. What was even going on? After spending so much time allegedly keeping an eye on the situation in Kirkwall, did Divine Justinia and Leliana just shrug their shoulders and go "you know what, that seems to have taken care of itself for now". Like?? Anyway, I want to be a fly on the wall for the meetings between Cullen, Bran and Aveline. How did they not kill each other. I NEED ANSWERS, and I'm never going to get them 😭😭😭 It's also so funny to me how the game makes a big point about how Meredith doesn't allow another viscount to be appointed, but in the mage ending (thus absent Hawke)... nobody else does either. And honestly, can you blame them? Anyway, tl;dr: Seneschal Bran Cavin is Dragon Age's most unappreciated character and in this essay I WILL-- [choose violence ask meme]

[jaimebluesq]

Re-reading your reverse age prompt, I couldn't help comparing to mine, and I think it's funny (in a painful way) how we both ended up falling into the same mindset of Huaisang winding up lonely much earlier than in canon because not only do all of the friends he could have potentially made in his canon age group latch onto his little brother in a way they never did with his canon self.... but so does everyone of his current age group like Xichen and Yanli. Birdie needs friends.

And now I'm gonna cry...

He had to grow up so fast when he became sect leader despite acting the Headshaker, and even those similar in age like LXC and JYL feel so much younger because of it. He's had to play the politics game from day 1, and though his father tried to prepare him for it - Daddy Nie knew his heir wasn't meant for the saber but could still make an effective and dangerous sect leader - I don't think he'd realized how isolating it would be. YZY and he are still friendly, Yinzhu as well, but their friendships are not very public, and still have a distance brought on by the fact that none of them can completely trust the other because there may come a time when their sects' interests no longer align.

So I think in a way that's why my NHS gravitates so much toward older women. He feels older than his years, and he's found that far too many women older than him are unappreciated, overlooked, and quite happy to hear a compliment from a young man his age. And maybe with them, he'd find someone he could be vulnerable with, who would take care of him when he's exhausted from taking care of his sect and his baby brother. But not too much because this NHS would never give up full control over his world, because a Wen Ruohan rose up once to destroy his family, and he would be forever vigilant for another to come (*coughs* JGS).

Though I do hope he and Meng Yao will become good friends who see eye-to-eye (and fear each other enough that they won't come to odds).

[practically-an-x-man]

Charles Xavier, Jack Dalton and Kyle Spencer for the character ask!

ooh thank you! let's see here...

First Impression:

Charles: I grew up on the original X-Men movies, so I saw him as a very cool-headed and mature leader for the X-Men, and a good fit to lead the team in difficult situations

Jack: I thought he was funny, and I liked his relationship with Mac. And being big on 70's and 80's rock, I liked his taste in music

Kyle: HOT. Like holy shit. And majorly unappreciated.

Impression Now:

Charles: I still think he makes for a good leader, but after becoming more well-versed in the world of X-Men I can also see how he's headstrong, stubborn, and a little holier-than-thou at times. Though honestly, I appreciate being able to see those flaws. It proves he's a well-rounded and imperfect character.

Jack: My opinion hasn't changed that much, but I definitely have a greater appreciation for his relationship with Mac. He really acts as a wonderful father figure and their relationship is integral to the show. I love the later seasons but they're not quite the same.

Kyle: There's a lot more dimension to his character than the show wants to focus on! Before his death, he's a genuinely kind, goodhearted, and charismatic person. And I'm incredibly annoyed at what they did with him after his death, using him as a plaything for Zoe and Madison when he's clearly uncomfortable with... well, all of it. Man deserved better.

Favorite Moment

Charles: I'm partial to X-Men: Apocalypse myself, and I really like his mind-battle with Apocalypse towards the end and how it leads into Jean Grey embracing her powers. Plus, I love the scene in First Class when they're rounding up all the team.

Jack: in the episode where they go to Chernobyl, Jack starts complaining about the radiation and makes jokes that they'll all develop superpowers. In particular he turns to Mac and goes, "Mac, you'll develop telekinesis. You're practically Professor X already" (and Mac looks confused but you can SEE Lucas trying not to crack a smile). Laughed. Out. Loud. It might be my favorite joke in the whole show.

Kyle: He doesn't get that many moments of his own since he's unfortunately just used to complicate the relationship between Zoe and Madison, but I like the flashback to the tattoo shop and how he realizes he's been put back together. It takes a really heartwarming scene of him goofing off with his frat brothers and turns it into something genuinely horrifying and heartbreaking, and really shows us more of Kyle's view on what's been done to him.

Idea for a Story:

Charles: So obviously we get a lot of origin stories for the other X-Men (Children of the Atom baby!!) but I think it would be neat to get a little more detail in his early days of his mutation, before he grew comfortable with it. I'm sure there's a comic out there that does this, but I haven't stumbled across it yet.

Jack: I get that George Eads had to leave the show and that was how they closed out his plotline, but I'd really like to see Jack's perspective on his time overseas, away from the rest of the team.

Kyle: Uh... Heartstrings.

Unpopular Opinion:

Charles: he doesn't know when to step back. He pushes his students so hard in accepting and managing their mutations, and it usually does help, but it's a very forceful tactic that contributes to as many problems as it does solutions. He's not a perfect leader and shouldn't be treated as such, that's the essence of his character.

Jack: he's really not appreciated the way he should be. He works well as the comic relief, but he's a lot more than just that. He's a great father figure to both Mac and Riley, and his presence really holds the team together. No Jack Dalton slander in this house, thank you.

Kyle: his relationship with Zoe is NOT wholesome. She blew it out of proportion after one night of flirting, and it results in her dragging him around and treating him as less than human most of the time after he comes back. She acts like he exists only to love her, and when it becomes too much to handle, she avoids the problem rather than helping him. He deserves so much better than her.

Favorite Relationship:

Charles: Cherik all the way babyyyy. Though I also really like his long-standing friendship with Hank, it's a really important dynamic that's present in every iteration of the team.

Jack: I really liked the dynamic he has with Riley, actually. He steps in as a father figure and supports her even through her conflicts with her own father, and really shows her the unconditional love and support that she didn't get in her childhood.

Kyle: pass. I like him as a character but he doesn't have any canon relationships that I like, he's treated as an object by everyone around him. This is the main thing I tried to remedy in Heartstrings, giving him a relationship that was genuinely built on mutual respect and care.

Favorite Headcanon:

Charles: does Cherik count as a headcanon? it's basically canon. Aside from that, I hc that he gets chronic migraines from suppressing the presence of so many other minds. This is most prevalent when there are a lot of students at the X-Mansion, since there are so many thoughts to wrangle, but he cares too much about them to make a fuss over it.

Jack: he's learned a thing or two from Mac. He can't quite piece it together on the fly fast enough to use it in the field, but his house is a spectacle of redneck engineering.

Kyle: he tried out for wrestling in high school but dropped out before the season was over because he was afraid of hurting someone. I feel like it just makes his post-death anger and violence issues more heartbreaking, since he tries so hard to be gentle in his first life.

Send me a character

[luveline]

jade baby hiiii! hope you’re not getting tired of reading my thoughts on your work cause i always have so much fun writing these heheh

okay first of all your writing!!!! you know (at least i hope you do) how much i absolutely love your writing but omg it’s SO GOOD in this one!! so easy flowing and so nice to read!! the first few paragraphs where eddie is talking about how every vampire representation on media is a lie was so fun to read 😭

All they have now is debt, each other, and the Great Munson mug collection. 

He turns the pedal and your back wheel spins in time with his heart. You're awesome. When was the last time somebody who wasn't Wayne said anything like that? 

Eddie doesn't know what he thinks. Wayne sets the record straight every now and then with a clap on the shoulder. You did what every parent wants their kid to do. You lived. I can't ask for more than that. 

i love every bit where we can see how much wayne loves eddie!! the fact that we never got to see them interact on the show makes seeing it in fics so much more special 😭

the “don’t say her fucking name” line physically hurt. i really had to take a moment to breath.

He looks like a man who has been tired for a very long time. You make a mental note to bring him some lavender for his pillow on your next visit. 

r caring for wayne as well 🥺💘

Making his bracelet had been a challenge, lots of knotting and double knotting, three restarts and one small under the breath tantrum. It's not anything special, black and white hearts seven strands wide, but he'd been very appreciative. 

baby 🥺 the heart bracelets 🥺

“Sarah, I was born with butterfingers and you know that.”

okay me

"He said he's gonna throw himself off a bridge," Eddie informs. "Poor guy. I know the feeling." 

okay me again (IM JOKING)

Funny how Steve's hair speaks as much as his expression, bobbing as he nods his head to emphasise each word

baby that was SO FUNNY i can picture his hair moving as he talks and i’m obsessed with the image in my head

It's all in the way you — he says this with love — perform the words. You speak like each word you're saying has equal importance, and it's calming.

You're willing to change your plans now that he's asked to go with you. It's a gesture as lovely as you are. Eddie doesn't think you'd ever think it of yourself; your kindness is so intrinsic you don't notice it, like the fine stitching of a leather bound book. Integral and widely unappreciated.

i love how eddie likes her so much that he not only appreciates things like the way she talks or her kindness but also sees it as something like deeply innate to her and likes it even more for that

WAYNE BEING SUSPICIOUS OF THEM I LOVE HIM 😭

For a time, he'd been a normal (debatable) person having a normal (horrifying) conversation with his dad. Not a vampire. Not somebody who ruins everything he touches. 

you had no right to make me laugh with the “(debatable) (horrifying)” just to make me ugly sob with him calling wayne dad and saying THAT LAST LINE. that was actually insane.

"I know I can be a lot to deal with." “Who told you that?”

crying in a corner rn. thank u

They come apart, blood smeared in both your palms like two halves of a dripping heart. 

listen. i know it’s blood and eddie was probably losing his mind. but that was such a beautiful imagery 😭

You realise as he says it how much his wanting you to go had mattered to you. Eddie's your friend, and you don't think that you're going to stay friends much longer.

i don’t really have anything to say about that. just wanted to highlight that bit

"Steve," Eddie says, jaw dropped down to his chest, "do you have a crush on me?" 

the steddie nation keeps winning!!!

I can't believe I put you through that. I can't believe I put you through that. I'm so sorry. 

NOOO HE FEELS SO GUILTY

And for a while, Eddie hadn't felt the same. The world he'd woken up to was hard. There had been lawyers and grief and guilt and becoming. He doesn't have the words to describe how it feels to become something new, something that needs to hurt people to live, something that will hurt people to live, whether Eddie wants to or not. 

The loss of choice is suffocating. 

He can live with the grief of what he is if it means other people don't have to live with grief of what he isn't. 

it’s honestly painful to realise how guilty eddie feels about putting everyone around him through what happened even though it’s not his fault, and how he’s willing to go on and live in suffering for all his life (or all eternity? im not sure how long vampires live) just so he doesn’t have to make the people he loves go through that again. he’s always so selfless :(

"Tuned into the wrong station." 

You pet the back of his head. "Yeah," you say softly, "I think I was." 

i keep thinking there’s a deeper and secret meaning in this dialogue and i can’t articulate my thoughts around it but i’m so sure in my mind that way she says that she was in the wrong station just means she was seeing things in the wrong way until now? you can totally disregard what im saying though

You make the worst sound anyone has ever made as he moves back, like something has been ripped from you. A gutted gasp, near silent. 

“the worst sound anyone had ever made” and it’s just a gasp from breaking the kiss. i’m actually going insane.

"I didn't hurt you, did I?" he asks when he gets a look at you, your unreadable expression. He takes care to keep his head angled down so you can't see the lower half of his face. 

"I don't think you could." 

STOP

He's been in here enough times to know what it looks like, but for some reason you find yourself checking his face, worried about what it is he thinks of your things, all your mismatched trinkets, your stained glass lamps, your life as you let yourselves in.

“your mismatched trinkets, your stained glass lamps, your life as you let yourselves in”. being worried about how her life seems as she lets him go into. sick and twisted

His touch is like the tide. He wades in, away. His thumb strokes inward over something soft and then his whole hand moves back to your thigh. 

‼️‼️

He's not confined to all his softest parts and he never will be. He's snarky and angry and loud. He plays guitar like a real rockstar and he doesn't take anyone's shit. He's a survivor. A glass of blood every now and then was never gonna stop him. 

that first line???? INSANELY GOOD OH MY GOD

"Least it wasn't Snoopy." 

of course there’s a snoopy reference. love u for it

jade my love that was soooo good!!! exploring eddie’s life as a vampire not only through his enhanced abilities but through all his loss and suffering and self doubting made the character so realistic (i know, he’s a vampire, but you get what i mean)!! baby you’re the best writer i know and it makes me so proud seeing you stepping out of your comfort zone and writing horror themed stories without losing your touch and your way with words and feelings!!! you’re insanely talented and i’m always thrilled that i get to read your work and to know you!! that is genuinely one of greatest joy of my life!! hope you’re being extra nice to yourself and getting enough rest and taking care!!! love u 💌 - lu

I don't ever get tired of what you think!!! Our red string of fate means you pick up on all my favourite things and it always makes me feel so special

Writing Wayne was super fun because we know literally nothing about him besides the fact that he's Eddie's guardian and he doesn't think for a moment that Eddie could do something awful, his unwillingness to give up the search in vol2 breaks my heart so it's really nice to write him with his Eddie all safe and sound

Eddie's pretty infatuated with r from the get go and not just because she's accepting of who he is and doesn't believe all the bad shit around him, he genuinely likes her and I wanted to make that distinction (like at the start when he was practically waiting for her to tell him to get gone but was trying to spend time with her anyways because he was intrigued and endeared)

Writing Eddie's voice in brackets was SO fun and so different for me, I love experimenting with third person to show the characters voice even if it isn't technically from their point of view, rest assured I made myself laugh with (debatable) and (horrifying)

Eddie feels so fucking guilty! That's basically what shaped him for me. I keep getting comments saying he was very different in this one and I kind of agree and disagree. He wasn't much like the fanon version of himself which idk if people hate that, but I think the basis of him was as true to Canon as I could get it! The basis being his innate goodness, the thing that DROVE him to feel so fucking guilty even though none of that shit was his fault, but when he goes off to be the hero in the show and "doesn't run away" that was his courage and his character showing through and so I really used that as the original thread and then built up his guilt, his humour around that. He's not as snarky as he was in the show because I felt like basically dying and going through the upside down made him very depressed and he really struggles to separate himself (though i can't take all the credit for that part because the original request wanted to see him struggle and wanted to see reader help him through it!!) From that. I love him and I needed him to have somebody like the reader character who just wants to take care of him and be his friend (and more)

Wayne being suspicious of them was so fun, I worried people might find it weird and then I was like I don't care if its weird these are real conversations people have, and Wayne in my mind is absolutely the kind of guy to be like Eddie, son, be a goddamn gentleman

That aprt about being tuned into the wring station was one thousand percent on purpose! Not so much a "Oh my god I didn't see what was right in front of me" moment, but just a you were here in Hawkins this whole time and we missed each other ! cos they're soulmates

And absolutely there's a Snoopy reference, that's my dude.

I am so lucky to have you as a friend and a reader, I fricking love hearing what you're thinking and I feel so spoiled at the end it's unbelievable, and you know I like talking about my writing probably more than I should so this is like a gently excuse /pleasure for me to ramble about the decisions I make. I think people have such different mindsets to one another that not everyone will agree with everything, but I'm lucky that we are always on the same page!

And yeah I was super psyched to dip (literally just dip) into the horror genre. Most of the time I felt like love bites was horror in the we cannot go back. my body has been changed without my asking and there's nothing i can do and im trapped kind of way rather than anything truly scary or gruesome, but I still loved doing it!

thank you my lu baby im genuinely soooooo lucky to know you and so grateful that you read my silly stories with so much love 😭♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

[kikirumbleroom]

I would say when I was younger, physical comedy was funny and can still sometimes be. However, as I am older--it no longer is. I can no longer relate to the petty and immature characters like Kagome from Inuyasha or Kaoru from Rurouni Kenshin.

Yeah, they may not be as bad in the manga, but they're still pretty abusive, full of jealously, manipulative and bratty [not in a good way]. They have no grace or class imo, resorting to violence so easily over the dumbest things.

Oh and I am not a fan of Katniss from Hunger Games. I don't know how the movies did her--but I get the feeling they overhyped her and made her seem a lot better than she was. When I read the books a long time ago, she came off as whiny, ungrateful/unappreciative and indecisive. She strung the two boys along for almost the entire series. I may need to re-read it again but personally, I wasn't a fan of her and I'm guessing the movies downplayed her flaws in the movies. Me and my brother don't see eye to eye on many things but for this, after reading the books, agreed she was very irritating and flawed character--not the ms.perfect everyone makes her out to be.

[suncatchr]

26

What's your favorite relationship/dynamic between a set of OCs?

I swear I'm not just pandering with this answer when I say Koda Noah and Maeja. I just love how weird they are, how they're good and bad for each other at the same time, how they need each other to survive but also it's just not working.

Start to finish details below because I'm fucking crazy but I am free

They don't start out like this, and I like their student dynamic together a lot too. They start out assigned to each other in classes, Koda and Noah in one and Maeja and Noah in another. Mae and Noah's dynamic here is probably my favourite apart from their overarching one, from what I've written of them they get along extremely well, drawn to one another by curiosity. They can both tell that the other has something interesting and strange going on and when they spend time together, they dig at each other in little ways to try and uncover the interesting parts. This is easier for Mae bc of her power obviously, but because she respects him she tries not to read his mind without his permission. More on that later.* Noah and Koda have a more distant dynamic, Koda starts out as responsible for part of Noah's education, unaware at the time that education is not what's being achieved at this school. Noah is kind of aware of this, so they butt heads as they're required to spend time together despite having no common interests. But Noah isn't confrontational, so their "butting heads" is more like making comments at each other that they both know are going unappreciated. They hang out like this for about a year. By the end of this time, Noah and Maeja are friends; Maeja's tendency to keep to herself and mould to people's whims makes Noah trust her, but he also breaks it down a little by being interested in her experiences and never asking more than she's going to give. They make each other feel listened to and funny and they're both curious so they have a lot to say to one another. Koda and Noah are on their way to friends. Once he's accepted that they're on different paths, Koda appreciates Noah's utterly non-threatening company as opposed to his competitive academic clubmates, and Noah is the type of person who just gravitates and talks to ppl he knows, so they just end up near one another most of the time.

Second year is more of a plot year than a character one but what's important here is that Noah's two old friends, Milo and Lorelei, have failed their task of trying to pull Noah into academics (his lack of fear of the stresses of school makes him hard to control, but he's so pleasant it should theoretically be easy to get him in line) and they are pulled away from him as the ship starts to get tighter around school. Noah ignores the hurt by hanging out with Mae and Koda more, which is what makes him notice when they start to grow distant from him as well. Mae is being isolated on purpose (she's also unafraid of school, hard to control) and Koda and his other clubmates become responsible for making themselves marketable, which means they're spending a lot of time training their powers and learning how to conduct themselves during serious business. Trying to hide the distress at his loneliness, Noah seeks them out a lot, which ends in him breaking rules like curfews that he's never broken before, and in him seeing fully that this situation is not right, and Mae and Koda together have the entire why. So he introduces them to one another.

Year three, their last year actually at school. And their first year as a trio. Koda and Mae don't like each other. I've always loved this piece of their dynamic as a whole: the two of them are very similar, and the parts of themselves that they see in each other set them off. Koda thinks that Mae is too sulky, and cares too much about what people think of her. Mae thinks Koda is too abrasive, and too cagey for them to ever have a proper conversation. But they don't fight. They don't have time. The reason they've been introduced to each other is to triangulate evidence that they're in trouble, and find a way to leave, so they become something like business partners. They are quickly able to determine that they're being collected, and with Noah's knowledge of the school grounds and stories about his upbringing, that they're about to be sold. Their shared disgust at their situation makes Koda and Mae willing to work together, but they spend any time without Noah either working or in silence.

So by year four, they have decided to leave. That's the end of the setup for their dynamic, or at least what I consider the setup lol

Setting out on their adventure, they are, on average, friends. Mae and Noah are the closest, they can hold long and meaningful conversations as well as friendly banter, and they're good at solving problems together as Noah points out the answer that's hiding in plain sight and Mae can make any suggestion of his actually work. Noah and Koda are friends, technically. They can have meaningful, if short, talks, and feel comfortable to rib each other where Koda would normally end someone's life for pointing out a fault of his. Mae and Koda stay the same, unwilling to fight but also to resolve the differences that'll come up if they open their mouths.

The journey home is the turning point. I went through a lot of plot beats trying to think of what would take a normal relationship to the one they end up with. I settled where I did because I thought guilt would be great at making distance, it's not always alleviated by knowing you're not at fault.

So the walk home. Noah is having fun trying to survive in the woods, Koda and Mae are entertained enough by his childlike wonder to disregard the issues they're experiencing living outside. They know why they're doing this, so they stay optimistic about it.

But they're being hunted down, and before they can escape the maze of this forest, they are confronted by Nieve, Jax, and Ophie, trying to drag them back. Trying not to get into story beats too much but essentially the three of them (nj+o) believe they're safer cooperating with the school than being discriminated against in the real world, and if they really do figure out how to separate power from person, they can be normal. Shift the burden that brought them this life onto someone else. But Mae's desire to go home, Koda's to be free, and Noah's to be loved (he wouldn't say it like that but that's what it is) keep them from going peacefully. Retrieving km+n is a very crucial task, though, and in the fight to subdue them and take them back, Maeja is killed when Ophie tries to do something with her power she shouldn't have. Koda accidentally strikes a tree with lightning out of shock, causing a forest fire, and uses the chaos to chase nj+o back the direction they came, and trap them behind slash underneath fallen trees so they can't give chase anymore. Before he goes, he tasks Noah with rewinding time for only Mae in order to undo her death. So alone, in the midst of the forest burning, Noah has to use a power he has almost no experience with to bring his best friend back to life or lose her forever.

He does it, and Koda comes back, but everything is already different. Mae has felt what it's like to die. Noah has held a life, her life, in his hands. And Koda let her die and couldn't be the one to bring her back.

Now they're reliant on each other. Mae is afraid to be alone, Koda is afraid to let them out of his sight, and Noah is developing PTSD under the surface, just afraid. To sleep or think alone, to leave them, to be left. They leave rural north for urban south and find themselves confronted by new stresses: crowds, having to find places to sleep, increased prices when they need to buy. They have no time to deal with what they've been through, and so they cover it all up. Mae is also trying very hard NOT to uncover their feelings using her powers, and has been for a long time. Her power begins to reach out without her, and as time passes she becomes aware of what they're hiding, feels it for herself. Knowing that she can't ever mention the feelings of theirs she's experiencing, she adds the secret to her pile.

So when they find their house (I imagine they rent-to-own a cottage in the woods), this is where they're starting their adult life from. Having escaped what was supposed to be a refuge by the skin of their teeth, and crawled their way along a path they never saw an end to.

So the dynamic I talked abt at the start of this ask starts here. They should be grateful. They made it to their new life, all alive, all free. And on some level, they are. They make the home theirs little by little, they do roommate things like making food together, watching movies together, going shopping together. They appreciate the life they have. But they still cling to each other, sure the world outside will result in more destruction. And they push away from each other, sure that loving each other again (or at all in mae and koda's case) will put them in the way of that same danger.

Mae and Noah's relationship is severely damaged. Noah almost feels scared of her, like he's going to do something to undo saving her, or she's going to say something about it, make him talk about it. Mae is just. aware of it all and knows he's pulling away from her. She feels like if she stops him, she'll be controlling him, using what her power shows her to manipulate him, so she just lets him pull away. On good days, they still like to try new things together, sate their curiosity and flex their problem-solving. They still banter and probably enjoy each other's silent company the most. But they give each other a wide berth more now, afraid to break each other again.

*Additionally, Noah is the only safe person that Mae can use her power on regularly, on purpose. He trusts her to leave his secrets secret and doesn't think he has any to begin with. This has been going on since the beginning of the story and only stops at the top of year four because Koda doesn't like it and Mae agrees to try and stop. After they settle, Noah notices that the withdrawal-like sensation isn't clearing up for her and insists it's okay for them to be soul sisters or whichever. So Mae knows Noah, more about him than he knows about himself, and has to really pretend that she doesn't to keep him comfortable. She's so lost without him in so many ways, and doesn't know if her fear of hurting him is selfish or because she cares.

Koda and Noah have a more mature understanding of each other now, having borne the grief for Mae together when it happened, and having both made huge steps in getting them all out of the forest safe. They trust one another a little bit more, find they like doing non-school activities together as one can plan and the other will execute. But, avoidant people that they are, when feelings swell they disappear from each other's company. Koda doesn't like that Noah can't handle serious moments, and Noah doesn't like the tension Koda creates in them. Koda knows he'll leave the whole house and let Mae and Noah struggle without him if he gets too upset, and, viewing this as an act of cruelty, hides instead of chancing getting annoyed. Noah, who knows he'll leave and is afraid to chance annoying him, seeks him out less than Mae.

Mae and Koda have developed a respect for one another, Koda for Mae's ability to move on through hardship, Mae for Koda's refusal to give up on them. They can be around each other, talk about basic things and their responsibilities, their days. But they don't really have a relationship. They avoid each other if Noah isn't around, they spend their together-alone time in silence. Koda feels responsible for her because he let her down, if he had been the only one around when Ophie had killed her, she would have stayed dead. He wasn't there in time, so he funnels that frustration into taking care of her, which she'd appreciate if he wasn't so obviously paying her a debt. She likewise feels grateful for his protection, but can't express that because she can't abide his attitude when her own is already so much to take. They can't like each other because even kindness must be business between them, or they'll fight. But they get along.

Also abt the two of them, Mae can see through Koda's facade, she knows that Koda has no purpose right now but to protect them, that he feels guilty about her death. But again, she can't say anything. When they first settled in their home, Koda agreed to let Mae use her power on him instead of Noah as long as she kept to surface level memories. Coming off of over a month of withdrawal, she did not in fact stick to surface memories. She made him relive the memory that gave him PTSD, and it wiped his trust in her. So for her to try to relate to him would destroy the little trust they're building back up. She must only respond to what he lets her see, and that's not much.

All together? They're codependent and distant at the same time. They are the only people who have been through the tribulations of being in and escaping that place, the only people in the world who understand one another. They have learned to get along over time, and know that they can solve any problem together because of the relationship they've built. But they all perceive it as teetering on a precipice. Whether through some action or nonaction of their own, or a disaster they cannot help, they feel they will be torn apart. It happened once, and they glued it all back together, and now they don't know if they should stay together and wait for the tear, or separate themselves so the tear makes no difference at all.

[rose--coloredboy]

2019

December 10th: 

    You told me to buy groceries and gave me a specific amount of money to be spent. Something ELSE came from the bank account, considering I spent exactly what you told me to. You yelled at me on the phone and told me I messed up somewhere. Kept getting pissy because the call had shitty service. 

    You do that a lot, you know? Get mad when phone calls get choppy. Instead of being a sensible human being and waiting it out or calling back later or switching to text, you just get fucking pissy and yell. Thanks.

   Notes: Yeah, I'm sure this won't be the first time that it gets mentioned in all of this, but every single time a phone call gets choppy or starts to drop or something, you get beyond mad. You start yelling at me and telling me it's my phone service. Funny considering I don't have regular service and I'm always connected to very well working wifi. I call friends for hours at a time on my days off and never drop signal once so I really don't think it's me. Shit happens, anyway. Getting mad at me for your cell service dropping isn't gonna fix it, anyway. 

Christmas Eve: 

    We got a gift card to Reynolds for Christmas, I think from our landlady at the time. We had to go to the store to get something so you asked me if I could bring the gift card. I forgot. Which is an issue I have that I know I could have reached out for help with but I hadn't. You started to get upset and annoyed that I forgot it and kept giving me attitude and I kept trying to calm you and tell you it was okay. We could go back to the house to get it, we only lived ONE BLOCK AWAY, after-all. You kept telling me to shut up. "o-fucking-kay" I responded. You didn't like that one bit. You raised your hand at me wanting to hit me. Over a god damn gift card. This isn't love. Merry Christmas.

    Notes: You always wonder why I "catch an attitude" with you, but it's really so hard not to when a good 75% of the time you're auto-pissed or annoyed at something. It used to not bother me so much, but it becomes part of our every day routine and it's hard not to react to your attitude negatively. It's similar to giving my brain whiplash. You got unreasonably angry that I forgot the card and I kept trying to tell you that we could literally just go back to the house to go get it, but you kept refusing and getting more and more upset and told me to shut up. It's such an insane reaction to something so little, it always is. 

Christmas: 

    You couldn't get the playstation remote to work, it happened often because the remote we had was old and shitty. You got more and more upset every time something went wrong. I don't do well with anger. The abuse as a child. The time's you've shoved me to the ground while upset. It scares me. You eventually got so upset that you ended up throwing the remote at the wall. You throw things a lot, you know? And you throw hard. I got upset because it scared me-y'know- because of the trauma? You yelled at me that it wasn't a big deal. It never is. I constantly deal with your mood swings and it kills me. Because I could be in a wonderful mood, and something as stupid as a god damn playstation remote can set you off so fucking bad that you start throwing shit around and invalidating my response to trauma. Please. Stop. 

    Notes: Trauma aside, you just shouldn't act this way. Two days in a row of you just screaming and yelling about something. It get's so old and so hard to deal with. I'm tired. You're constantly telling me that I overrreact and that the things you do are "no big deal." But what you fail to understand is that we are two very different people. Just because you don't think you'd react the way I do, doesn't mean that I'm not allowed to react in the way that I do. You've told me a thousand times not to yell at you, because you don't do well with yelling, you've made that very clear. I try my damndest. I really do. But when I ask the same of you, I just get yelled at about how you're "trying" and I'm just unappreciative of all the effort you put in to becoming a better person and not getting so angry and blah blah blah. Why is it okay for you to not like when people yell, but when I don't want you yelling that doesn't matter one single bit? Bull.

[magistralucis]

(You can keep this on private if you’d like, I just had to tell it somewhere. Apologies for my bad grammar or structure, English isn’t my first language)

Hello, I know you probably do not like to get asks anymore about your Swansong fanfiction, but I cannot express how thankful I am for all of your effort. It’s made me realize so many things about myself, and while that may sound funny, it is honest. I left the EDM community a long time ago, only now revisiting for the sake of nostalgia, but I remembered your blog very well. You were always my favorite one, as you reblogged more things I could take in, but that’s a good aspect! I recalled when you first started Swansong, I was so excited, since I saw your past works in those ask games, and I couldn’t be more thankful. It taught me so much, and I related to Sebastian’s story more than anything else in my life at the time. I listened to his music more intently, you gave it a new kind of life I couldn’t understand before, same goes with Kavinsky or Vincent’s music. I’ve loved your blog for years, and no matter what you post, or create, or write, I will be appreciative of it either way. Thank you! Keep being you!

- K Anon

Hello anon. On the contrary, I am absolutely delighted to receive this ask from you, in that you remember Swansong (I need to finish it!!!) and that I've been a source of nostalgia for you 😭💖 Your message could not have come at a more appropriate time. I'm honoured to be remembered after all those years, especially since it's been so hard finding a spark in the EDM fandom on tumblr recently.

To be honest, I've been really disappointed in my writing this year. Since the start of 2022, I've been struggling badly with the fact the world is a horrible place, and I fundamentally haven't been able to believe in any of my works that take a 'the-world-is-worth-living' approach - Swansong included, as well as my sideblog, and the many hundreds of thousands of words I put there. Most of my EDM stuff, even. I've felt fake, I've been really burned out, and I've felt unappreciated as fellow fans disappeared or moved on to other things.

Just wondered what the whole point of it was, really.

I think - I claim, still, that this is a temporary condition - but it was eating at me for the better half of this year. So to read your ask is a blessing. I can't stress enough how much this means to me, that people read this old tale of mine... one of my dearest ones, even... and they remembered it all this time, and still message me about it. I'm sorry I let Swansong lapse for so long. I am really happy you have had fond memories of it, and still do, and that it was a meaningful addition to your life. You've given me a little more hope towards carrying on. Rest assured I will always be here. Thank you very much.