#I'm too worried/scared to sleep
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Visit Tumblr Blog
Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.
Last Seen Tumblr Blogs
Fun Fact
Tumblr has been providing a Korean-language service since 2013.
Text
I think the only reason I slept yesterday was cause I was so exhausted from the hospital, because there just no way I'm sleeping tonight
#I'm too worried/scared to sleep#I keep hearing my mom's scream when he fell in my head over and over again and it's a fucking nightmare#I don't think this will turn into a life altering trauma like our accident in 2017 did#because recovery is faster and I have the fact that I'm so so grateful he's alive and without head damage to counter act#but it was still one of the scariest moments in my life and I'd like to erase all of it from my head thank you very much#also fun fact he got temporary amnesia for like 24 hours after the fall. he couldn't retain his memory for 30 seconds#which is why we were so fucking scared of it being a head injury#but in the end it was just out of sheer shock and trauma#which is just horrifying. I've never seen my dad express a single emotion#so you can imagine how it fucks me up that he had an actual neurological reaction to a traumatic event right in front of me#like wtf. don't recommend this to anyone who has loved ones#rambles*
1 note
·
View note
Text
.
#ok finally making a post about meds#I've not ever tried taking medication before. I was sorta raised with that classic 'dont rely on meds you have to learn to manage without'#I mean I was also raised with the idea that therapy is stupid unless you have 'real' trauma. and also like idk.#can't stay home from school unless your temp is over 100 or you're throwing up. etc. very suck it up mindset#so I was just really nervous to start. also of course worried about losing myself or whatever I know that's a silly fear but#it's also a common fear for a reason!!! anyways#so I finally was like 'I need to do something' when I realized I was so anxious I couldnt even get myself to go outside alone#like I just don't want to do ANYTHING alone to a detrimental effect. and it was butting into my ability to do my work...#for various reasons. but then ALSO adhd has been a constant issue with my work as well!#it is SO hard to write and draw on a weekly pace like I am without being able to focus#my whole life I've had these terrible nightmares constantly and I've always woken up constantly in the night#sleep has always been terrible so I've always dreaded going to bed.. ESPECIALLy because it didnt even make me less tired#it was more something that I just did because I had to.#but going to bed was always terrible. there have been times I was too scared to go to sleep for weeks on end...#I've been mitigating this for years of course. and recently I've been taking melatonin which has been helping too.#but I've also always struggled to get up. because I've always been EXTREMELY exhausted#but also anxious of what the day might bring... idk.#anyways it has all hit a point that I was like okay. I am doing as many coping mechanisms as I can. the psych said they were good too#but... it just has never been enough. it's never been enough to make me not tired it's never been enough to make me not scared#so I finally talked to the doc about it. and she was like youve def got smth wrong basically. which yah I know.. but yknow#anyways so I started taking wellbutrin. and I am so frustrated now. because it's WORKING#that constant looming sense of dread is gone. I'm excited to get up. I'm excited to go to bed BECAUSE I'm excited to get up#I feel like for years I've been holding on to the idea that I have to get up because I have to put something good out into the world#and I've been clinging to knowing that if nothing else. I am able to help other people feel better.#but now for the first time in my life I'm like. free of it. I didnt even know it was possible... and I'm so sad how much I've lost out on#and so frustrated how my whole life I've been told to put up with it and push through it. and treated like a failure for it being too much.#and just. It has only been 2 weeks. but the lack of anxiety is SO noticeable I'm so...#I'll never miss it. the adhd is still pretty present but like whatever. I can manage that better.#and I'm just crying because of all this combined.#I just. I hope I get to finally be the best I can be now. for myself but also for you guys!
44 notes
·
View notes
Text
I just need to be told "You Can Do It" right now.
#I've gotten about 3 hours of sleep within the last 48 hours and I'm still behind in my classes#I don't know how I'm supposed to keep up at this point#Just grinding constantly for hours every waking moment of my life#I'm stuck wondering the same things#'When will it slow down?'... 'Will it actually ever slow down?'#If it doesn't i don't think i can keep up#Full time in college and full time in work#However#every time i try to speak my troubles or stress to someone they just chuckle#and ignore me saying ''well college is like that. welcome to the adult world''#Why does college have to be like this? why is everyone so fine with this?#I'm very unmotivated right now#My grades are all low despite the numerous 100%s I've been getting#And they're not going back up no matter how many A+ s I get on assignments#I don't like talking to people - it scares me terribly#So i don't like it when I'm constantly forced to talk to over 10 people every time i go to school (talk to your professor they say#I like to think of my job at my second home#at least that's not too hard and i love the people#But I just need things to get less intense school-wise#Just for me to get a decent amount of sleep please#Just a little bit#Please#i don't know#I'm not going on hiatus no worries#I love my blog dearly and cannot abandon it for my mental health#I just need encouragement#Because I'm so tired#Sorry for the rant I hate to vent#I'll delete this later if i remember#💬
29 notes
·
View notes
Text
#svsss#scum villains self saving system#shang qinghua#how I be feeling these days ahdnfjgkg#I keep stressing about life in general and its seriously bumming me out hajdjg#how nice it would be to not exist#everyday I wake up and do the same things I hate#time hasn't felt real in years and it goes way before covid times#I haven't felt real in most of those years either#Look I'm lucky I'm not like depressed or whatever but frankly this derealization shit is seriously startin to get a little worrying at times#tbf I only really notice it recently so maybe its just a bias#I've been chugging along this way for years all thats changed is my perception of it#but at the same time I really want to do more too#I get I'm a very boring and unreliable person#and I know I just said its my perception of it but like I do genuinely think my social skills my general living just like me mentally ig#I'm kinda deteriorating in my stagnation ig? artistically too but more worrying in my life idbfjg#priorities sorry anyways I also think I do have adhd or something and that rejection thing dhfjgjg I really can't start things anymore#idk I really just feel so clueless in most things now and I'm too scared or too confused or both to start fixing things#like how do I even fix things? what do I even search for in this kind of thing?#Idk I'm just gonna go sleep ig god I'm so tired of everything#I haven't been able to draw I've really lost passion for a lot of things again and everything irritates me#I can't stand my phone sometimes but it's kinda the only thing getting me through it all ha#ngl I wish I were depressed sometimes if only so I'd actually have the balls to do smth but Ik that's just the Metnally Ail part speaking so#chug chug going along#I also have to make wushi before I die. haha#god my life is so empty#what am I even doing#I'm really so tired why can't my life end here already? modern lifespans are too long how am I supposed to keep going on like this?#so pointless and vapid and its just me ? why did it have to be me that was born? couldn't someone else have been here I hate it here so much#I strive for nothing but I have such a long life and so many people to disappoint haha maybe I should go outside more
94 notes
·
View notes
Text
sorry for disappearing. I promised I wouldn't do that again but it's always the thing I fall back on in desperate times. idk how to stop doing that
I'm just so tired and in pain, I wanna lay down and cry and never get back up again
#wish i could cry. as it is the tears are pressing on my eyes but cannot come out. it hurts. i wish it wouldn't hurt#all i can do is sleep as much as i can whenever i can. no other way to escape it all#trying to plan my mental illness breakdown around my work hours so my coworkers don't have to worry#i actually like being at work and putting on a smile and acting bright and bubbly comes to me so easily#but i feel the tiredness creeping in. making work a bit more difficult and i don't like that#my brain is starting to merge dreams and reality in a way that hard to tell apart#it's also whispering evil things into my ear. like: you're not mentally ill there's no official diagnosis so better be sane and normal#or: you're making it all up. stop with that. just be normal. <- about literally every single thing#<- like me dealing with depression and anxiety and probably no small amount of trauma and gender dysphoria? NOT REAL according to my brain#which is. idk i KNOW i struggle with all of these things and there have been suspicion diagnoses#but no actual 100% confirmed diagnoses and that fact is fueling my brain in whispering these mean things to me#and i'm just so very very tired of it all... i don't want to fight anymore but i'm also too scared to take any kind of final action#sorry...#delete later
16 notes
·
View notes
Text
Tonight, right now, not even ten minutes ago, might have been the closest I got to an outright hatecrime
#morningtalks#Ask to tag#<- I have no clue what I'd have to tag this tbh#But for the story.#Me and my friend (crush) are walking at two am after quite the night. I am fully sober but she's got a few drinks and is just tired now#Like we're walking in silence she's just done type of tired#(part of me worries I was too in love with her tonight but I will do my best to rationalize it as Her Being Tired and not my fault somehow)#But yeah we're walking there and we see/hear a bunch of guys that are clearly not on their first drink#They plan to go to the bar we were so I'm glad we left but they are full on far right singing slogans about getting the leftists out#We cross each other on the street and they immediately begin asking us if we're lefties but then they see my pins#And the fact that we're two girls walking alone and assume we're both lesbians#Ify I obviously am. I have Pins lmao but my crush is not (?)#But yeah I had heard their slogans from afar and had already grabbed my scissors discretely in case something happened#I was genuinely just getting myself ready to fight them all just to leave my friend a chance to run if possible#But I was genuinely scared for her (and also for me but I have a bad habit of prioritizing others' wellbeing and especially here)#So they think we're lesbians and immediately start yelling they don't like lesbians and some other hurtful stuff#But it didn't fully enter my brain. I genuinely don't care#But I was still very afraid they DO something#Luckily they just walked away and we were left in peace but I was genuinely ready to do literally anything to not let my friend get hurt#By these men#I might see her a bit tomorrow. Probably not a lot but we'll see each other#And she doesn't seem to mind too much (she thought we'd see each other next week for class obviously and said “til next week”#(translated quite literally))#I thanked her for the evening still but I genuinely think she just needs to sleep and I don't have to overthink everything that happened#In the end#The first hours of the night were AMAZING though. Genuinely never been closer to her than there I adored every second of it#(and the other people were fun too but. She. Yano)#Anyways I have a thing at 11 I'll go sleep before being fully dead for that thing#But I might genuinely have a delayed reaction on those last events tomorrow#But now I gotta sleep too
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
Me seeing all the comments under Glasto-themed posts blaming Alex for being sick and calling off Dublin
I'm barely able to fold that knife though.... And I'm not trusting myself that it'll stay folded.
#I really have no words for people who lack the basic minimum amounts of sympathy and understanding#and YES IT'S POSSIBLE HIS SYMPTOMS CLEARED UP IN JUST 4 DAYS#am I worried they didn't completely? yes. but they might have. and either way they're Definitely A LOT better after him resting#taking care of himself. possibly getting some meds prescribed. hydrating. not talking. sleeping#What did they want him to do. go out and mime the songs for them?#go up and barely utter some words through the hoarseness - make things worse and call of yhe next month if shows instead?#risk getting actual chronic laryngitis? risk his whole career?#the hell is wrong with people#you've got no idea how scared I was & am for my show that's coming up too. It's like extremely meaningful and important to me#the vision of going helped me through some tougher times#but you know what I'm also scared of?#of one of my favorite artist's getting seriously hurt.#of him beating himself up for disappointing people when there's nothing he can do about it.#can't believe people lack the basic empathy.#i get being disappointed. Sad. Furious even.#be furious with a god if you've got one or the universe or bacteria or the very idea of voice boxes being suspectable to strain#not with the man who's just as frustrated with the situation as you are#AHHHH#(i unfolded the knife safely in the tags. folding it back up)#(I see the typos & I hate em & I'm mad but I won't be doing anything about it. I'm sorry)#//#my posts
49 notes
·
View notes
Text
Hm... never trust how you feel about your life past 9pm or however that goes and stuff, but sometimes I do be pondering what I do on the regular and it gets to me, the silliest things
#I'm once again getting anxious over putting myself out there in every sense I can think of#Socially. Business-wise. Art-wise#if there is one trait I dislike about myself the most in the past few years—#is that for whatever reason I have a tendency to be way too open about myself and what I feel#it could be annoying. It could be tmi (I dislike that concept). It could scare people off because I'm too forward and I fuck up#I spent a big chunk of my late childhood -> teenage years -> early adulthood putting a tamper on my emotions and what I'm passionate about#and now I'm oscillating between being unable to do otherwise and being thoroughly exhausted of suppressing... anything#I genuinely don't want to do it no more and the problem is that I have no idea how to navigate the opposite end of that conduct#I feel like I'm constantly messing it up. I have no experience but I am so tired and now incapable of masking#more like my body and mind are uncooperative and refuse to keep on putting up an act. It was always a way to support others#but I disregarded myself most of the time. I don't know how to enjoy myself in front of people I love without feeling guilt or shame#I feel like I'm overstepping or being disrespectful. How do you do it#it should come easy#Heh... I'm even embarrassed to voice sincere praise to artists I admire because I never know if what I'm saying could be perceived as —#—cringey or if it makes someone slightly uncomfortable. I'm tired of being clueless about a whole dimension of social interaction#and possibly coming across as inept. I could've sworn for the longest time that I was doing it right#and I can't be sure now#I want to share my work with others but I'm always hesitant and petrified by fear of all the potential ramifications that path could have#There's so much I want to do#why does the world seem so hostile to my eyes I genuinely don't know. It makes no sense. None of that is real#Annnnnd that sure is some venting#Sheesh#Hm. Funny how tumblr keeps on being this perfect void where you can just scream into without a single worry#I should go to sleep
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
By the way, if you ever see me reblog something that isn't a fic here... no you don't!
#please i'm so worried i'll accidentally do that#like art with a fic is fine#but just art on it's own isn't#unfortunately me using quick reblog on mobile & just not paying attention on my laptop#has led to some small scares#as i desperately delete the thing i accidentally reblogged here#sometimes notifictions will scare me too#i'll see someone's profile picture indicating that they liked something & my brain will go#check if you reblogged art on here by accident#i need to sleep#will this be deleted#maybe#we'll see#not a fic rec#mod sleepy
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
My dog has been having senior moments, such as randomly forgetting what she's doing or trying to walk into a street, and I've been calling her "Mr. President" when it happens.
Like, "No, Mr. President, we can't walk into oncoming traffic. That's how we get killed!"
#it makes me sad that she's so old. and it's only in the past couple months that she's been doing this.#she's still overall very physically healthy. we go on walks almost every day and as long as she wants to.#and she eats well and takes vitamins and her teeth are kept clean and her claws trimmed and her coat clean#but she's slipping a little mentally#she's 11 which is old as hell for a dog her size. the vet said golden retriever mixes (which is what i assume she is) usually live to 10.#and she's not even started going white too much. just around her snoot and a little on her paws.#so when i take her in the vet always assumes she's like 6#but I've had this crusty old lady since shortly before i was even legally an adult#and I'm scared for when she does die because my other dog dying damn near made me commit suicide#and like I've said. I've had her a lot longer.#if she were a person she'd be going into middle school. like.#and she's had her share of weird health things. she's had a thyroid issue since she was 4. she has a weird skin condition.#she's had a couple surgeries and has scars from being attacked by random dogs (not my fault. she's well trained)#she's fallen a couple times recently but the vet says that's normal for her age#she went blind then wasn't blind and is going blind again#her hearing is starting to get shit too#I'm just so worried about her. this dog is a person to me. she's more real than my family in my mind.#and my cat is cool and all. but she's not a people. she's just a cat.#i guess the best i can hope for her is she lives the rest of her life comfortably and can die peacefully in her sleep#i think I'd completely come unglued from reality if i lost another dog to surprise everything cancer#but that's what I'm most scared of#because it came on so quickly and no one caught it despite me being that person who takes their dogs to the vet over a cough#she's sleeping right now and making goofy ass dog dream sounds. and i know i won't hear that any more sometime soon.#dog#old dog#senior dog#clio#joe biden mention
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
ugh. it's nearly 3 am. I forgot that I might need to wake up early - we have no idea when the window guy is gonna be here. we don't even know what day yet. could be tomorrow though, who knows (no one, apparently).
#I'm scared I won't be able to sleep so I don't want to go to bed#rn I'm still on the couch and. my legs are already doing that weird thing again 😭#it worries me#not because that itself is scary. I just. already can't sleep. so this is too fucking much#and. about the thing with the window. I'm so annoyed about this whole thing! it's really getting on my nerves. it's already been THREE times#that they were supposed to show up and they just. didn't.#personal
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
i got sleep paralysis again the other night but instead of thinking someone was trying to kill me this time i perceived the being sitting on me as a nice guy, he just didn’t realize that i was there and that he was crushing me. he looked like this but with a longer head, more horns and just one eye, and seemed really sad, holding his head in his hands. in my mind the scenario was that he was sitting on a curb (that i was laying on i guess) hiding in a dark alley after something bad happened. so i wasn't scared of him i just felt bad for him. when i managed to get his attention he was apologetic and went away and my body started to wake up
shout out to the benevolent sleep paralysis demon hope things get better for u
#my mom had chronic and debilitating sleep paralysis at one point in her life#i don’t get it very often but sometimes i worry it’ll get bad like hers was#it is scary when i'm too asleep to realize what’s happening and/or the visions are very realistic like just a human trying to kill me#but when they're more fantastical i don't usually get as scared or it'll be enough for me to realize it's not real and it's totally fine#and kinda funny. i'm just laying there paralyzed like hey what's up giant floating red demon head circling my bed#oh my window is a tv screen? ok guess i'll just watch it til i can move again#i think it probably helps to have these instances where i'm not scared? that it's not always a bad thing#hopefully i can like subconsciously reinforce that enough so it's more often not scary
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
Oh mind electric we're really in it now.
#Cade.Txts#i think about tht song all the time.#when they say: Someone help me / Understand what's Going on Inside my Mind! / Doctor I can't tell if I'm Not Me!#I felt tht shit#like man.................me too.#idk tht bit of lyrics has always kinda hit me hard specifically.#Anyways how is everyone doin. sorry I don't ;ost much anymore.#I am posting on my stimblog mostly now BHINJGFDNI if u wanan see stimboards check it out.#im doing a series of stimboards on my favorite pokemon#so far got two boards out already d:)#Wanna keep working on it but i should also make gifs of stuff.#been kind of stressed by shit lately thts unrelated. worried about bigfoot.#he's been acting weird lately. real sluggish n tired. his teeth are bad- n we need to take him to get them checked#but it cost like. 600 to just get a few teeth taken from our dog frankie.#s o. -slides stimboard commission post on my stimblog- /nf#dont like advertising it. feels weird making things for money but if he does need teeyh removed#idk any other way i could make money for it.#hes just got me worried. he's a old man- even tho i always forget he is-#thinking about losing him scares me. am probably rly over thinking shit- he's old course he sleeps n lays around a lot.#but im stil worried.#ANYWHO. stimboard grind 24/7
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
I'm so nervous to watch the next episode, and even the last half of this one. Especially after seeing the title and cover of the next one...
#I still hold strong that there's a strong possibility that the Assembly already knows Caleb/Bren is still around#and maybe even who TMN are / what they've been up to#and while I'd gladly be proven wrong#i'm not too sure that I will#morrigan.text#morrigan watches#morrigan watches: critical role#critical role#critical role campaign 2#the mighty nein#cr2#the reason I'm scared about the last half of this episode is that I'm worried it'll be a cliffhanger and then I won't fucking sleep
14 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#hello friends I just took ventolin and I am having a panic attack and possibly dying#my heart will soon pop up from my chest#and my whole body is shaking and shivering#so I am looking for some way to distract myself and not to hyoerfocus on my bodily functions#it should be a normal side effect but I never experienced it before so I'm freaking out#how are you all doing? i really hope that everyone is happy and healthy and safe#if not I'm sending all the best things your way#like tomorrow will be the best day of your life...i promise... I'm sure you will feel better tomorrow#whatever is worrying you right now will go away and you will be happy#we will all be okay#everything will be okay#I'm not dying#i really don't want to die#I wanted to die for many years and even did some stupid things but now I'm so grateful to be here#i love my life now and I'm so scared that I'll die and lose everything#because usually when you think you're doing great the universe is preparing something disastrous for you#...so thay you don't stay happy for too long#I'm trying to breathe deep but I feel like it makes my chest hurt more#and I'm so scared to sleep because I don't want to die in my sleep i want to have everything under control if I need help#but I'll be okay... I'll get through this it's just nothing#do you guys have any plans for the summer?#do you remember being at school and having two months holiday without any responsibilities#honestly I don't think I miss it...maybe I prefer to work and have just few weeks off#it's just too much free time for me#now I feel like my body is burning#and I feel my neck pulsating#like I feel my heartbeat in my head#my smart watch is saying that everything is in normal numbers but what of they're inaccurate#I'm losing control of my thoughts so back to getting distracted#maybe I'll try to lay down and sleep
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
Fucking exhausted from my grocery shop today and dad drops that all the fuckin work i did clearing shit on monday/tuesday that he SAID needed to be done "as soon as possible" aka THAT DAY when i was ALREADY SUPER FATIGUED is FUCKINGGGGG USELESSSSSSS
i am. Pure rage.
#my fatigue has been so fucking bad my health is getting worse my POTS is getting worse i've had such bad side effects of this fuckin meds#i could have fuckin used the energy i WASTED on that fuckin cleaning#I'D FEEL LESS SHITTY TODAY IF I HADNT DONE THAT SHIT#MY SLEEP CYCLE WOULDNT BE SO FUCKRD#i am trying not to have a melt/shutdown and i am trying not to cry with pure frustration#if you dont want to fuckin clean it say that dont fuckin indirectly blame me#christ i cant keep up with life what the fuck am i supposed to do#welp shutdown incoming ha ha#not only that but being proud of myself for smth and then having the rug yanked out from under me is a huge trigger#so not only was i already burned out snd exhausted i'm now massively triggered bc that thing i was somewhat proud of#has proved to be a massive waste of time and effort and energy and it's like having that achievement torn away from me#awesome. great. fuck i wish i had some weed#honestly i should have asked to go into the psych ward in june instead of july. sigh.#gonna be not-funny funny when my psych asks how im doing and i get to tell her between the last appt and admittance i've struggled with#active suicidal feelings ~3+ times ha ha#and then no doubt someone will say “at least you didnt attempt” yeah well thats only bc i'm scared of failing and being more disabled#the second i'm too distraught to worry abt that it's fuckin over for me bitches#anyway i would like to die in my sleep#maybe i stop the blood pressure meds and hope for a heart attack
0 notes