#I'm to tired to remember i hope it's right otherwise it's not making sense

[ablog]

I had a dream it was like probably 2012 when gravity falls was still kinda small and I was at one of those random non main conventions and Alex Hirsch was there at a booth, I went to some back corner to clean some liquid that was spilling in my bag, and I guess on my shoes because I was with socks, and there was a my height slop I took down to get to the corner, and it was right behind Alex's booth, and when I tried to get back it was too slippery and then he noticed and lend a hand but when I took his hand he did a bill voice with yellow eyes and jokenly said "thanks kid, you're my mu-fasa now!" And let go for the fall and it was funny

[bluejay757]

TW: mentions of self harm

Lies. Simon out right said he didn't want to be Ice King and that he would have rather died. "But what about what Ice King wanted?"

They're the same fucking person. Ice King is not a separate consciousness or personality, he just doesn't remember being Simon.

Betty was not wrong or selfish she fucking sacrificed herself because of how much she loved Simon. She deserves the world. Simon is not depressed because he lost his ice powers he's depressed because the love of his life is fused with an all powerful demon and he's never gonna see her again, not even in the after life, had she made it out he would have been happy. Would they still feel out of place in the futuristic and magic world? Yes. But atleast they wouldn't be going through it alone.

Simon's predicament was a metaphor for two things. Addiction and dementia. Are you saying you think addicts don't deserve help when they literally beg for it? "You can't force an addict into rehab" you're right you can't, but he wasn't forced he wanted help. Do you think if an addict seeks help they deserve to be told, "no you should just accept who you are now" and be forced to live in their condition for eternity? Wtf. And dementia obviously isn't curable, but if it were everyone with dementia or alzhiemers would want it cured and deserve it. Because no one wants to live like that.

Simon wanted to be himself again he just wanted his wife there with him, he wouldn't have rather stayed the Ice King the only thing he misses is the blissful ignorance that came with it. It's like when you're depressed and you purposefully make yourself numb because numbness is better than sadness, until even that stops working so you turn to SH because you think it's better to feel pain than nothing at all. It is unhealthy and a harm to yourself, Simon doesn't need to go through that again.

"Ice King deserved to be accepted!" He literally was. Everyone had accepted him except for betty, but oh wait she was about to accept him until patience fucked her up and gave her a false sense of hope, it's not her fault Magic Man made her insane. Not to mention everyone else had waaaaay more time to come to terms with Ice King. It took Finn his whole life, and he didn't even know him as Simon, PB took hundreds of years to be on good terms with him, and Marceline, the only other person who knew Simon as his true self took nearly 1,000 years to come to terms with and accept Simon as Ice King. So what makes you think his Fiance, who had gone crazy through no fault of her own, would be able to accept everything that happened just like that? I mean did you ever stop and think how quickly that all happened for her? One morning she's having breakfast with her fiance in like 1999 and then that night she's in the year 3000 fighting a demon to save that same man? She had literal minutes to process all of this, she woke up that day not even knowing that Magic was real.

And one last thing Simon fears death now. He has a will to live unlike before when he wanted to die or kill himself, if that doesn't prove he's better off now idk what does.

I will not stand for Betty slander. She did the right thing. And I'm sick an tired of people saying otherwise.

[soulacheron]

𝐋𝐨 𝐒𝐩𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐫𝐨 - 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟏

Mini introduction for this was here

I decided to make this little series with Santino and Acheron. I'll explain Acheron more, so everything makes more sense. Idk how many chapters this will have, but I think it'll be long ongoing. The series's name is "Lo Spettro"

Hope yall will like this little chapter :)

◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇

Santino stared at the wolf figure in front of him. It called him "Master" but why was it a wolf?

"What... so you are the demon? I thought you'd have a human form?" Santino asked, staring in confusion at the wolf. "I take a form of an animal or human that is special to my new Master. You find wolves interesting... and it was easier for me to take a wolf form. Everyone human in your life isn't very close to you."

Okay, a literal demon wolf was telling him that no one in his life is close to him. How much lower can he fall?

Santino sighed, feeling his chest with his hand. Surely, he was shot there and at his lower abdomen. That's why he was bleeding out so fast and was near death.

Where are those wounds now?

He looked down, his suit was still messy from the blood, and there were the bullet holes. However, no wounds?

"You... what did you do to me?" Santino asked and looked up at the creature, feeling his lips and chin with his fingers and seeing that they were covered in blood. Yeah, he did coughed out blood, he remembers that.

"I healed you. You became my Master, so I have to protect you." The wolf said, sitting and waiting patiently. "The pain that I felt... what was that?" He asked. He had so many questions. "I took your soul and, therefore, saved you. I forgot to mention that can be painful. I'm sorry it hurt." The wolf bowed its head in respect.

Santino nodded, taking in a deep breath and exhaling since the disgusting taste of blood in his mouth made him feel nauseous and dizzy. "I um... fuck, I taste blood..." Santino muttered, trying to stand up and, surprisingly to him, the wolf nudged its head so he can support himself against him.

He got up with a wince, but otherwise he was feeling okay. Better than before that's for sure.

"Thank you." Santino said quietly to the creature. "Always, Master." It spoke. "Do you have a name?" Santino asked, fixing his messy suit and tie. "No. I'd be honored if you gave me a name, Master." Wolf said, again sitting calmly in front of him. Santino looked at him and nodded. "I'll see what I can think of when we get home." He paused, "Now... how will I explain that I summoned a demon who is actually a wolf?" He asked himself, but wolf decided to try and help.

"You could simply start with why you decided to do it in the first place-" That he was so desperate for success that he sold he soul? Absolutely not. "No, no, no... I'm not saying that. I... cazzo.." he sighed, pinching his eyes. "I'll figure something out." He always does. He just... needs some more time right now.

"I actually nearly died." He whispered to himself, looking at the blood puddle. "The things I do for these people... for my fucking status." He hates that he got himself in that situation. Almost dying for what? For something that wasn't supposed to happen. And he got shot. He wasn't supposed to get shot. Damn, everything didn't go as planned.

"You'll still need rest, Master. I did healed you but you'll still feel fatigue." Wolf said.

Now, when he mentioned it, he felt tired, like his body was exhausted. "Yeah... I can feel it." Santino said, pulling out his phone. "Do you know where everyone else is?" He asked, looking around, but it was so quiet.

"I believe they left." Wolf said calmly.

Huh? They wouldn't leave his boss. No. Not Ares. They're like a team. Right? This doesn't make sense.

Santino tensed up a little thinking about this. 'They wouldn't do that.' He said in his mind. "Are you alright, Master?" Wolf asked. Santino snapped back from his thoughts and looked over at the wolf. "Yes. I'll just call them. But you..." he paused, "Can you make yourself kind of disappear? When we're home, I'll explain who you are." Santino just needed some more time to figure this all out.

"Of course. I'll do as you say, Master." Wolf said and bowed his head again. "You don't have to call me Master every single time." Santino said, sighing. "How would you like me to call you then?" Wolf asked, titling his head a little. "Um... I'm not sure yet." He replied.

"Santino? Mr. D'Antonio? Boss?" Wolf suggested. Well, coming from a demon wolf, it sounded a little weird to him. "Let's just stay on Master for now." Yeah, maybe that's better.

"Whatever you say, Master."

Santino made a phone call, talking in Italian to one of his bodyguards. Also cursing at whoever was on the other side of the line. Wolf waited patiently, waiting for more commands.

"They'll be here soon. So, when we get home, I can try and introduce you." Santino said, putting his phone back into his pocket. "Understood. I'm looking forward to our partnership and for a new name." Wolf said and wagged his tail a little.

Santino huffed a chuckle, thinking if he had actually lost his mind and none of this was real. He is talking to a fucking demon wolf who is wagging his tail now.

"Yeah. It'll be one hell of a partnership."

[marumarielle]

hi !! i was reading through ur shifting info and i realised we have similar methods! pls feel free to correct if im wrong, i’m not sure what a memory skim is exactly, but from what it sounds like, you briefly go through the memories of your DR ? if that’s the case, thats more or less what i do before going through my senses.

i’ve brought that up because despite my consistency with my method and falling asleep in the state of wish fulfilled, i still haven’t shifted and keep waking up in my bedroom. granted i’ve only been doing this method for a week-ish so it’s not as long as other shifters, but its kinda getting tiring to keep waking up in my CR despite feeling otherwise. i feel as though i’m doing everything right, and i’m following with what resonates with me, but somehow i still haven’t shifted :(

would you have any advice for me?? thanks for taking the time to read this :DD btw sorry if its incoherent i wrote this at 2am 😭

Hi love! My answer is quite long so I'm sorry if it's a lot to process all at once but if you have any more clarifications, don't hesitate to ask me!💖

First and foremost, yes, you are right about the memory skim part. I usually just go through memories that are important to me or just make me feel like I already am in my DR which helps with taking my mind off my CR. Now, the shifting part. It is important for you to know that I've also been through the same thing so you're not alone in this, anon.

My advice? Only be concerned with your inner world. imagination.

Since the 4D is what the 3D follows, why are you concerned with "waking up here" in your CR? Imagination is the only reality. The goal isn't for you to see your wish physically but rather to feel fulfilled within. Because the point of loassumption is to fulfill yourself (which is what I think a lot of people miss). The 3D "materialising" is just a bonus.

"Going back and forth to fulfillment and desire is to wander aimlessly." —Edward Art. I've fallen asleep in the wish fulfilled state and woke up having "not shifted" did I care? No! Because I fulfilled myself within. If I truly understood law of assumption I wouldn't be concerned with the 3D since it is just a mere consequence. If I knew that in my imagination I've been in my DR, I am there because imagination is the only reality that I should concern myself with. It doesn't matter if I did the steps right, or meditated for 5 minutes, if I don't have faith that I have indeed shifted despite what my senses tell me, I'll go back to living in desire.

★ You need to stay faithful to your new assumption despite what your senses are telling you. Abandon your old assumption, that "I haven't shifted", because you're not going anywhere. If you keep going back to persisting in the assumption or belief that you haven't shifted yet, you won't shift. Change the way your inner world works. Shift your attention to what you want and not what you don't want. And in no time shifting will feel natural to you.

That's all anon! I hope l answered your question. Remember that you are all that you need, happy shifting!

[ambrossart]

good morning!!! I hope this week is better than your last, I’m looking forward to the next chapter of Paper Men! I was rereading and noticed that it seems, of all her love interests, Patrick is the only one who doesn’t hold her to this impossibly high standard. I was wondering if you did this intentionally (because I can tell everything you’ve written so far has been) or if this could change? I feel like this is partially why I root for Patrick even though he’s bad news, he’s different than Henry and Vic… he’s openly interested in Evelyn and seems to admire her (admire might be a strong word for him) differently than the other guys have been. idk if any of this makes sense lol. just seems unlike Vic and Henry, he doesn’t need Evelyn to be perfect.

Well, tomorrow (or uh… today, technically) is my birthday, so this week is already gonna be better than the last lol. I was just really busy with work last week, and I'm still getting used to my new writing schedule. Normally, I have a little free time during the afternoon to write, but not anymore. Now I have to do all my writing late at night. I don't love that, but I don’t really have a choice.

Anyway, it absolutely was intentional to have Patrick treat Evelyn differently because I want people to understand why someone like Patrick (who, at first glance, probably doesn't seem like Evelyn's type) might appeal to her, especially at this point in her life.

When it comes to relationships, Evelyn is very direct. If she likes someone, either romantically or platonically, it's pretty obvious that she likes them. Evelyn's not good at holding in her emotions, and that, unfortunately, can be overwhelming for a lot of people. We saw that with Victor when they were kids. Evelyn came on very strong right out of the gate and Victor couldn't handle it, so he kept pushing her away until Evelyn eventually gave up and moved on. Then she got “involved” with Henry, which was a slight improvement but came with all kinds of other problems. And you’re right, he does hold her to an impossible standard. Henry demands perfection and absolute loyalty from his partner; otherwise he doesn’t feel safe. That’s all well and good for Henry, but it’s not exactly fair to Evelyn.

Frankly, Evelyn’s exhausted right now. She’s tired of putting all her time and energy into one-sided relationships. She wants to be wanted. She wants to be desired. So now here comes Patrick, who is very consistent and clear about what he wants: he wants her, that’s all. He doesn’t play hard to get. He doesn’t pull away. And he doesn’t place any expectations or restrictions on her. With Patrick, Evelyn can do whatever she wants. She can be clingy and emotional. (In fact, Patrick wants her to be emotional. The guy’s a leech; he feeds off that shit.) She can’t cross a line because Patrick has no boundaries. It’s basically impossible to make that man uncomfortable. That’s gotta be pretty liberating for someone who’s used to walking on eggshells.

Most importantly, Patrick displays a genuine (or at least a seemingly genuine) interest in her, her life, her hobbies. He asks questions. He listens. He remembers. Does he have an ulterior motive? Of course he does, but does that really matter? Eh, I’ll leave that up to you. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Right now, Patrick is exactly what Evelyn needs, and I think if she ever lets her guard down, she’ll be surprised by how attracted to him she really is.

… which is what Patrick is counting on. 😂

[orangesaek]

[8:51 pm]

you have just finished your work for the day when you received a text message from your boyfriend, haechan.

"babe, are you busy right now? i really want to talk to you. can you please give me a call as soon as you're able to?"

you wondered what was up because haechan wasn't exactly the type to send you a text message first before calling. and at a very polite tone at that. most days, he would just call you at any time he could, and you didn't mind it at all even when you're busy with work yourself. he's your boyfriend after all, and you're grateful enough that he always tried to squeeze you in his already very busy schedules.

after a few rings, he picks up the call. you were greeted with a low "hi baby". something was definitely up, as this wasn't the usual tone haechan greeted you with on the phone. either he's extremely tired, extremely stressed, or both.

"hey, babe. i just finished work. how was your day?" you asked. it took a few seconds before he could respond, which was definitely unusual.

"my day has been okay..." he paused. "i mean, it was decent but definitely not the best."

your suspicions were right. something's definitely up.

"did something happen? can you tell me about it?" you asked cautiously, afraid that he might find it uncomfortable to tell you everything that happened.

it felt as if haechan was trying to think of what to tell you because he couldn't respond as quickly as usual. it was definitely unlike him to stay quiet on the other line for a couple of seconds.

you heard him heave a deep sigh, and you could already imagine him running his fingers through his hair. like he was frustrated about something.

"do you think i'm... unattractive?" he finally spoke. what he said left you at a loss for words. so many things were running inside your head. lee haechan? the lee haechan? unattractive? what? how? where? it didn't make any sense to you at all.

on haechan's end, he was waiting nervously for your response. he was afraid that you would tell him that yes, he is unattractive. that yes, he is not worth all the love and support that he has now. that yes, he is worthless.

your eyes started to brim with tears. who was the motherfucker who triggered haechan to doubt himself like that? you, and so many others know he's far from unattractive. behind the childish behavior he shows to you and the rest of nct, is a man who is actually thoughtful, kind, and lovable.

"lee donghyuck," you finally said after a moment of thinking of the right words to say.

"you are not unattractive." you continued. "i don't know which dumbass told you otherwise, but i want you to remember that you are perfect, and that you are the most amazing man i have ever known."

"you really think so?" haechan asked. you could hear the slight doubt in his tone, but he didn't sound as down as he did earlier.

"yes, and it's a fact that i'm sure millions of your fans would agree with."

you couldn't see it, but haechan was starting to smile a little bit from what you said.

"thank you, babe. that meant a lot to me. but to be completely honest with you, i still don't feel like i'm back to my best self yet, but thank you."

you let out a quiet sigh. you understood that it wouldn't be that easy for him to move on from whatever happened.

"hyuck, it's okay to be not okay" you said. "but i hope you know that i love you for who you are no matter what, and that you are far from being unattractive."

haechan was starting to smile again, but what you said next made him smile even wider.

"i love you, and i'm thankful you were born. thank you for being born, lee donghyuck, my love."

with that, haechan's heart felt a lot lighter. he wasn't sure if he saved a nation in his past life to deserve this much love.

"thank you for choosing to love me, babe" he said, his tone starting to sound a lot better.

"so..." he trailed. "wanna know which dumbass you're gonna punch?"

requests are OPEN ♡ feel free to send me an ask!

[badsansandstarsansticklestuff]

As you can see, I am not dead !

Aaaanyway, here is another fic for ya ! Featuring ticklish Nightmare as always because I'm in love with him ♡

If you don't like it then feel free to block me or simply don't read it !

Characters: Dream & Nightmare (not a ship ! Only brotherly bonding time)

Context: they have made peace with each other and are now trying to spend more time together in order recreate their former link

□■□■□■□■□■□■□■□■□■□■□

Dreamtale, the tree of feelings... it's been so long since the two gardians were reunited in this place. And here they were, sitting next to each other, their back against the remains of their tree.

They were sitting in a peaceful silence, just enjoying each other's company. Things were so much different now, they fought for so many years, and now they were at peace. Sure they weren't as close as they used to be, but they were working on it !

It was Dream who broke the silence first.

- So... what's new in the castle ?

Nightmare responded after a few seconds.

- Not much, really. Horror has been baking a lot more recently, he says he wants to learn new recipes, Dust has discovered a new hobby and is now digging up old animal skeletons to clean them and then keep them, and Killer is desperately trying to find a lover.

Dream chuckled a little.

- Well, I hope he'll find one soon then.

Silence then fell over them once again. Nightmare sighed, feeling like sitting there wouldn't lead them anywhere. Dream knew his brother was starting to get bored.

- Do you remember when we were kids ? When we used to run around for hours without getting tired ?

Nightmare nodded, not saying anything, his childhood wasn't filled with happy memories, and remembering those wasn't something he liked to do. Dream sensed the negativity in his brother and frowned, he didn't want to bring back bad memories, they weren't here for that, they were supposed to spend a good day together !

Dream thought for a moment, searching for a way to make Nightmare think about something else, to bring some positive feelings to his brother. He smiled when he had an idea.

- Hey Night, do you know how many tickles it takes to make an octopus laugh?

Nightmare tilted his head, what kind of question was that ? And why did he have a very bad feeling about where this was going ?

- How many ?

- Ten tickles !

Dream said as he jumped on Nightmare without letting him time to say anything. Nightmare let out a surprise yelp before bursting out laughing when he felt Dream squeezing his sides. He should have known Dream was going to do that ! He always did, even when they were kids they would always tickle fight each other !

- DREHEAM NOHO !

Nightmare yelled as he was trying to escape his brother's grip. But Dream was very skilled in terms of tickle fighting, he know how to hold Nightmare so that he wouldn't escape.

- Aww, look at you, just as ticklish as you were before !

Dream teased, making Nightmare blush heavily. He know Nightmare was very weak against tickles, and teases only made it worse.

- SH-SHUHUHUT IHIHIT !!

- No can do brother ~

Dream continued his attack on his poor brother's sides, squeezing them rapidly, sometimes going lower to tickle his hips, and enjoying seeing him struggle to free himself and failing miserably.

- good thing we're alone here, no one can see you like that, otherwise it would have been embarrassing, don't you think ? The great and powerful Nightmare losing all his composure to some tickles ~

God this was like torture to Nightmare ! He felt so weak, so vulnerable, and the teasing wasn't helping at all ! Dream was cruel. Very cruel.

- S-STOHAHAHAP !!

- Stop what ?

- TICKLIHIHING MHEHIHIHI !!

- Oh you want me to tickle you more ? Well of course ! Anything to make my dear brother happy ~

Nightmare almost screamed when Dream started scratching his sides and tummy. He felt like he was gonna die from laughing. His cheeks were a bright blue from how flustered he was right now.

- DREHEHEAM PLEAHAHAHASE !!

Tears started to form in his eye and soon ran down his cheek. Dream watched him totally surrender to his tickles with great joy.

- Okay, okay, I'll stop !

He chuckled as he finally stopped tickling his poor brother and let him catch his breath. He could feel that his brother had fun as positivity was emanating from him. Nightmare was shaking.

- You're okay Night ?

- I'm gonna f*cking kill you... !

Nightmare said, still panting. Dream giggled.

- You sure will.

He smiled, happy to have succeeded in making his brother laugh and have fun.

He knew Nightmare would try to get vengeance, but if that meant spending time with him then he would gladly accept his fate !

~ end ~

[bookofmirth]

i know fandom drama is always talked about to death and i'm probably not adding anything new to the discussion, but i feel like the way this fandom treats lucien and mor in comparison to elain and nesta and azriel is very representative of white feminism. i'm growing very tired of fandom discussions that center around uplifting elain and nesta because of girlboss feminism and azriel - their favorite bland man to project a personality onto - while ignoring the struggles of non-white, non-straight characters who are also victims of abuse.

sooo many people in this fandom fall back on choice feminism when discussing nesta and elain - like if you don't support their "choices" (despite being fictional characters with no agency of their own), you don't support women's choices, and thus you are a bad feminist. not only is this a logical fallacy, but it also doesn't allow female characters to be multi-dimensional, to make bad choices, to not just be morally "good" all the time. idk if this happens with feyre too or not, but most discourse i see is around nesta and elain.

whenever certain people in this fandom see sympathetic discussions of lucien and hopes for him to have a happy ending (sometimes with elain, sometimes not), they complain that you care more about a man than a woman that he "inflicted trauma on." they only see the social divide in terms of gender, never examining how race also plays a role in the struggles lucien has faced - never even considering that a male poc could also experience abuse at the hands of tamlin and his family. and so many people hate mor for not being a "girl's girl" towards nesta, because they believe feminism is only about women uplifting women, never considering the way that mor's past struggles with abuse because of her gender and sexual orientation have shaped her to be wary of people that are (in her eyes) unnecessarily cruel.

i do recognize that the feminism in sjm's books is fairly basic, so maybe that's to blame, but it's unfortunate the fandom can't take a more intersectional approach

Anon, I totally agree. Have you read @gimme-mor's posts about this? She did a great job of outlining some of the issues with the ways people talk about female characters in the fandom, and the surface-level feminism that is used in this post and in this one.

It makes sense that the fandom would engage with discussions of privilege and gender (and race and class etc.) on a rather surface level, since, as you pointed out, the flavor of feminism that is featured in the series is very focused on gender and rarely takes other identities, marginalized or otherwise, into account. It's #girlpower with no thought about individual differences that those women might be experiencing that actually have a huge impact on what "choices" each of them can make.

With Lucien, there is also the issue of his disability, but it's quite easy to dismiss him as a villain when all people are looking at is his maleness. It's not as simple as "woman = good" and "man = bad", but that's how people act.

The fact is, none of these characters have a choice because they aren't real people, as you also pointed out. There is no such thing as supporting a fictional person's rights because those rights literally don't exist. They do not have agency or autonomy or.... literal fucking existence in the real world, and so it's absolute malarkey to act like we need to be respectful of a fictional character, and to bully and shit on a real person in doing so.

I remember when I said that Elain is privileged it pissed some people off, but I think that also comes down to a misunderstanding of what privilege actually is, hand-in-hand with this Feminism Lite. There are a lot of great potential conversations to be had about these characters and the world they live in and how they interact with one another, the ways in which they are limited or have access to power, but it's kinda hard when people are more concerned about being right in the ship war.

[draxumain]

Ermm.. hey *twirls hair and leans against solid gold lamborghini with new bass and treble speakers*

I do tarot myself and have been doing some readings on myself, but feel like I need an outside opinion. So, I was wondering if you were open to doing a reading? Only if you want to ofc <333

If you are, would it be possible to get some advice on my shifting journey and what's next?

Thank you sm either way. I hope u have a good day/night!!💕💋💋

Shifting Advice Reading

Her lady's note: Hi anon! This came up so late I'm not even sure if you'll see it! I've been tired lately but, I hope this reading helps you!

Remember tarot reflects your current reality, the answer you had when you did the reading may not be the same!

What I'm seeing at the current moment is that you need to start trusting yourself, your intuition and the information you have gained based on your own experiences and research rather then someone else's.

You've already come a long way but, even with that it seems you're at the start of journey perhaps you're a new shifter or have been trying something completely new in your journey whatever it is, I can see you've been working hard to get to a knowledgeable point, thats good! However, with that you should know you need to have security in yourself. Meaning, gain a better relationship with yourself and have trust!

You're using your heart over your head, your emotions for shifting are misplaced and are clouding your judgment. This could be feelings of doubt, shifting guilt and shame.

You need to connect with your innerself, your subconscious mind is your best friend. Discover the emotions stored in your subconscious mind and work through these emotions to create a better environment and feeling for yourself.

Learn to master your emotions and gain a stronger sense of self and maintain control over your shifting journey.

Your judgment is the correct one, your timing is the correct one.

Nobody else can tell you otherwise, peoples advice and experiences will not always align with you and become your experiences.

Shifting can be a scary thing for some people, many use it as a way to leave their lives behind and don't want to be around to see what happens next in this void reality.

If you're feeling any kind of fear or "what ifs" that's OK. Embrace that, feel it!

Acknowledge your fear and doubt it genuine and real. Then once you're ready let it go as it no longer serves you.

Well... what comes next?

Well anon, you know what it is you want out of your journey, maybe you’ve laid out the plans, gathered your resources and you're set to work – you may have already reached your first significant milestone, like a shifting symptom or a mini shift! Of course, you are nowhere near the finish line just yet, but the balls in your court and you're playing great!

You'll soon start to trust yourself and go ahead with your plans once you fully realize that you have the confidence, skills and knowledge you need to accomplish your shifting goals You'll get yourself on the right path once you do! You are competent and, you are making progress. Keep going! Manage your life and emotions prepare for whatever comes next and organise your shifting life, the improvements will be massive!

──  ﹫ 𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐀𝐃𝐘𝐒𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐋𝐌   ؛   𝗈𝗇 𝗍𝗎𝗆𝖻𝗅𝗋

[lovecolibri]

Honestly I think 911’s biggest weakness is a lack of planning. We already know that their original plans for S5 fell through, resulting in BT being drawn out because Megan was available. Which, good for her, get that bag sis. Would love to know what the original plan was, but I know I never will.

And they also couldn’t have been more clearly setting something up with Ravi and his childhood cancer storyline. But for one reason or another they failed to get Anirudh under contract. Why? Who knows. Maybe they took for granted that he’d be available next year so they didn’t make it worth his commitment, which is silly with such a handsome, talented, and likable actor. He’s off to bigger and better things, and again good for him get that bag! Or maybe it’s more complicated than that and again we’ll never know.

In any case they had to drop that thread and chose to go with ignoring him entirely and hoping the audience would just forget, which to be fair has worked with some of their fuckups in the past, but not this time, guess they underestimated just how much people liked him, so they had to come up with some last-second off screen excuse for why he literally disappeared and no one even mentioned his name again. Not to mention writing Chimney off because JLH was on leave. Baffling decision making, honestly.

And anyway they don’t seem to be very good at making Plan A happen, and when it doesn’t instead of having a solid Plan B or C, they scramble and the story suffers. Then add in admitted problems with pacing and filling time and the story stops working because the tension is lost and the payoff fizzles out. Their very own metaphorical structural defects being ignored, bound to come crashing down eventually. You know that old adage about failing to plan is planning to fail. It’s true!

This is BEYOND old but like, so appropriate for right now! I honesty don't think they NEEDED to pad out time with Tay Kay because they have SUCH a large main cast, but that would require KR to care about something other than what is going on in Buck's pants and any given moment, and because SHE wanted BT, we got BT despite it making no sense to have even brought her character back in s4. What did she even do that no one else could have done? Getting *some* possible inside info in Treasure Hunt and the *getting the story on the news* bit in First Responders is the only thing I can think of, and honestly they easily could have figured out a different way. But the show cannot seem to have Buck or Eddie in a relationship without the other then seeking out one too because otherwise they don't really have anything to do when they can't be involved in their normal family unit. Which is dumb, because they could work on Eddie's friendships and relationships with other cast and same with Buck in letting them be involved in other storylines, but apparently good looking men have no other purpose but to seek out a woman to complete their family I guess, and god forbid they be allowed around each other if one of them is dating. 😒

(also why I'm very 😒😒😒 about them getting other LIs. I remember Buck not being allowed to talk to anyone but Tay Kay while trapped in his loft for 98% of s5. I hate the idea of losing out on not just romantic Buddie, but their whole friendship and the Buckley-Diaz family unit. Eddie isn't going to need Buck to bake cookies with Chris if he has a GF to do it. Buck isn't going to need to cook for Eddie and Chris and help Chris with his homework if he's busy going out with his GF. There is SO much more we lose out on when those two are pared up with other women than just romantic Buddie and regardless if these women stick around long term, I'm tired and don't want to watch MORE wasted time, and more important talks they COULD be having with each other or their chosen family members going to random characters I don't know or care about. 🤷🏻‍♀️)

As for Ravi, I'm SO happy we clamored loud enough to get him back, and also good for him for picking up other jobs when KR sidelined him and gave all his moments to L instead. You go King! But they've known he was going to be back for ages so the fact they have STILL not mentioned him in s6 until he's randomly back on screen is just a) poor planning, pacing, and things happening off screen that KR thinks is fine to mention in interviews instead of actually on the show people are watching, and b) feels very vindictive because everyone loved him and hated her little self-insert character. But whatever, he's back now and I'm very excited to see him again!

But for REAL, they need to get KR out of the showrunner chair. The pacing and arcs and whole entire show has suffered enough that even the GA is tired of cyclical plots and characters going nowhere just repeating the same storylines over again, and with the show not having the depth and feeling it used to have. When even the casual viewers are picking up on and calling out things like Buck and Eddie's friendship being sidelined, or Madney stuff happening off screen, you KNOW it's bad. Also, regardless of demo (which doesn't matter as much anymore with them not getting ad revenue as much, thanks T for pointing that out!) the number of viewers has dropped DRAMATICALLY. And at some point the network cannot justify spending that kind of money on a show that isn't bringing in the money OR accolades. (like LS getting notice and awards for it's representation and diversity for example).

[septembersghost]

Jess, hey, darling. I'm sorry I still haven't replied to your message (please forgive me), just something quick I wanted to say. I wish I could give you a hug and I'm sorry for the struggles you're going through. I hardly know anything and staying away from all the drama but I KNOW how important it is to have your safe, comfort place, and when it gets taken away it can feel crushing and very painful. I think I understand why you're missing Dean. There was a time in my life when I THOUGHT I'd recovered, but then some painful, or confusing/disorienting, or otherwise overwhelming situation hit and I'd start missing him like crazy, because I needed comfort and rest and I tried to reconnect. We need our safe place and our comfort characters when we are in pain, when we are tired, when the world isn't making sense anymore. It's not something I talked about, but recently I had a series of anxiety attacks and crying fits at night, and on Friday night during one of those I also accidentally flipped over a cup of scalding water over my hand. What helped me with the pain and helped me fall asleep was… listening to my comfort character's voice. Didn't even matter what he was saying, it was just simply hearing his voice and imagining he's there (thank god it's a podcast and he can talk for hours.) I'm doing a lot better now, but I remembered how I used to do the same thing with Dean. There was once a whole audio file I made which was literally just him talking, it lasted like an hour and a half and consisted of hundreds tiny moments which I collected throughout the show. Sadly, it's gone now, but there was a time it used to help. What I want to say, things like this ARE important and your connection to your faves IS important and valuable, it's totally okay to miss them, it's okay to love them and to need them, it's okay to wish they were here right now. I understand your pain, I wish I knew how to help. But no matter what, he'd always be there for you, because that's what comfort characters do: they're here for us. Always, as long as we need them. And nothing can take that away. And no matter what, I hope you can find solace and comfort and a bit of peace. I'm giving you a hug but I'm ALSO encouraging you to imagine that Dean is giving you a hug, because he absolutely would and because he'll always be there for you.

hi Ellie my dearheart!!! 💕 please don't apologize, considering i still have the message from you, on one of my favorite topics!, that i intended to answer within a week and now TWO MONTHS have passed! the amount of times i've gone to reply to it properly and instead *waves hand around* there are constant happenings and situations. 😭 i NEED to get to it because it will make me happy to focus on tbh!

there's a bemusing irony to the fact that i proclaimed i was doing #better in regards to dean and other various sadnesses, and then the moment an entirely different pillar got kicked out from under me, the hurt came rushing back in. i've been playing a bit of a (useless, i know) blame game with myself, like, this is somehow my fault for being overly invested or caring as deeply as i do or relying on art for my escape and joy, but it's difficult because it's the primary thing i have. and dean is the constant, the longest lasting source of comfort of all of them, so at any point when anything else has been painful or confusing, the needle of my heart's compass spins back to him. except i'd intentionally been trying to rely on that less due to the existing wound of it, which means over the past week, there's been this weight of the absence, which lead to that feeling of missing him terribly.

I KNOW how important it is to have your safe, comfort place, and when it gets taken away it can feel crushing and very painful. I think I understand why you're missing Dean. There was a time in my life when I THOUGHT I'd recovered, but then some painful, or confusing/disorienting, or otherwise overwhelming situation hit and I'd start missing him like crazy, because I needed comfort and rest and I tried to reconnect. We need our safe place and our comfort characters when we are in pain, when we are tired, when the world isn't making sense anymore. this is it exactly, and i can't express my gratitude for your kindness and for the sense of understanding you share in this. those safe spaces and comforts and lights through the darkness ARE profoundly valuable and we carry them with us, and it hurts when any of that feels stolen or diminished. it makes you just want the soul of it back.

*hugs you tight* i am so sorry you've been struggling with anxiety and tears (i understand, i have NOT been able to stop crying at the most unexpected moments lately. i wept over my dog this past weekend and she's been gone for years. it's like every ache i have is a raw nerve at the surface. anxiety makes you feel more fragile too). the scalding water omg honey :((( i'm glad you're okay! and i'm happy your comfort character was there for you and helped carry you through it. you deserve to feel safe and held, and that very much exists within the characters we love and the stories we call home and the art/music that resonates within us.

What I want to say, things like this ARE important and your connection to your faves IS important and valuable, it's totally okay to miss them, it's okay to love them and to need them, it's okay to wish they were here right now. thank you very much for this reminder and for understanding this, i really do believe this is true. our faves impact us and are important and loved for a reason. just sending me this helps, truly.

I'm giving you a hug but I'm ALSO encouraging you to imagine that Dean is giving you a hug, because he absolutely would and because he'll always be there for you. 🥺 this message is beautiful and now i'm crying at it, but only for warm reasons! he's always shown up in some way to remind me of this (and still did in a way this morning!), so i KNOW he's right here and remains with me no matter what and that the span of that time and amount of that love is always real and always alive and exists right in my heart, and if it didn't, i wouldn't also experience that pain of missing him along with it. the ache itself is a sign of how strongly that love remains. thank you for the hugs and for listening and for being here for me, and for reminding me he's here at every moment too. you are such a wonder and i love you. 💖💖💖

[hauntingspecter]

The First Entry

June, 5th, 2024

So many changes are happening in my life right now, I need a space to record the changes, to reflect on my experiences, and to navigate through the complexities of my mind.

To put it simple I'm an artist, and I've always felt things deeply. My recent diagnosis has shed light on why staying consistent has been such a struggle for me. It explains the overwhelming emotions and the perpetual sense of being lost in my own skin. Understanding this has been both a relief and feels a lot like living hell.

After being diagnosed I recently started new medications, which have been making my memory a bit hazy on top of the depression. I'm hoping this will help me remember the important moments and thoughts that might otherwise slip away.

It's not just about memory, though. Writing things down helps me process my emotions and experiences more deeply. I'm just tired of living with depression. It is like navigating through a fog, where clarity and consistency are rare.

Thank you for reading <3

[the1975attheirverybest]

I need your advice! So I will be attending the show at the EU in march. I ran a fanpage too. Last time I went to see the boys it went terribly for me. Because I had a lot of stress and till the very end I wasn't sure if I was coming, I had a fight with my mum literally right before the show. At the concert I was to distracted by the people around who were trying so socialize and I was too focused on recording. Also was watching way too many content my head was full I couldn't really enjoy it. I'm sorry for this long message. This time I want to make sure I do everything I can to make sure I will be able to fully enjoy it. Im thinking about reducing the amount of time I will watch all the content from tour, I want my head to be fresh, not overstimulated with all the video's but at the same time I do really really wanna watch them haha. So i have a problem. I don't know what to do I don't want to ruin it for myself again. I tend to care to much about keeping up and I am tired then

Hi babe. I remember you!! We talked about your show afterwards right? I’m so so glad you get to go this time omg 💗🥹🥹

Some of my friends who went with me deliberately didn’t watch anything. Like, they knew about Peanut / be my mistake on b-stage and stuff cuz it’s impossible not to see some stuff online, but they avoided as much information as possible on purpose. They didn’t even look at the setlist cuz they wanted to be surprised. Which worked out well for them I think!

On the other hand, I literally keep up with every little thing and watch TikTok’s as soon as they drop and if there is anything new that happens or if Matty gives a speech or says something different onstage, I analyze and discuss it to death on here HAHA. And I still felt blown away at the shows cuz nothing ever compares to like seeing them in the flesh. In person. With your own eyeballs.

You could like post something on your page and say that you’ll be on less frequently until after your show, if you really feel like limiting content? Maybe mute some pages that post frequent updates? For me, though, seeing the content too much isn’t a problem because it’s not about the freshness or novelty. Like I would literally go to the same show a million times if I could. It’s meaningful and brings me joy and I don’t mind knowing about it before going into the experience. It’s still gonna feel special and great no matter what. Otherwise, a year and a half into this tour, we wouldn’t all be here, right?

My advice would be that if you wanna change something, maybe try not to record as much? If you’re going with someone, especially if they’re coming with you as a friend or family member, maybe ask them to record for you? I put my phone away almost completely at the Baltimore show. Like I took maybe 3 pics at the very beginning when they walked out and that’s it. The entire show I was just focused on the stage and that helped a lot. I tend to be a socially anxious kind of person. I was worried about the shows that I went to by myself. But honestly everyone is so nice and kind. If you don’t wanna be spoken to, you can just not engage, and they’ll leave you alone. But if you’d like to make friends and stuff, you can talk to people. Especially during the opening act or in between the opener and the boys coming onstage. But I don’t think anyone would fault you if you didn’t want to socialize during the show. After all, you paid money to see the boys, not just hang out. Everyone is a big fan so they’ll understand!

I hope this makes sense. PLEASE COME BACK AND TELL US ALL ABOUT YOUR SHOW AFTERWARDS!

[beckleysbooks]

Another November - Another Election

Yesterday, voters in Ohio, as well as Kentucky and Virginia were in the national spotlight. I personally witnessed the "pro-life", basically the religious right (Republican Party) carry out an old-fashioned "ground assault" in Ohio with a myriad of "Vote No!" yard signs appearing in nearly every neighbourhood in which I traveled. I knew this election was going to be an especially heated one; one fought over what rights women would have with regards to their inherent rights to their bodies and an abortion. I address quite thoroughly in my book, "Oh! Susannah", how women of the 19th century worked through this issue. Check out the chapter, "The Birth Control Battlefield".

Catching up with my long-time friend in Columbus back in September, we talked a bit of politics, as we usually do and have, since our first acquaintance as students at Akron University. We were both political science majors. John pursued his political career, even became a County Party Chairman, while I left the country for the pursuits of all that New Zealand offered. John was explaining how this being an "off year" or odd-numbered year, all of the local candidates and issues are on the ballot. He was expressing his concern for those voters, who feeling overwhelmed with so many ballot issues to decide upon, would simply tire and either quit voting or just vote "no" on the balance of the measures up for decision/renewal.

Back in the 19th century, it was far easier on election day. A voter ussually decided upon which party he was supporting, and the decision making was over. And, yes, I purposely used the pronoun "he" because women like my 3rd great grandmother, Susannah Reigle Beckley, would not have even considered voting. Women were second class citizens. However, by the end of the 19th century, suffragettes were making great strides in changing the attitudes of the American populace in regards to women being given the right to vote. And for those who may not know, New Zealand was one of the very first countries to grant their women the right to cast a ballot in 1893. The United States finally got on board with the rest of the world, 27 years later, when the 19th amendment to the constitution was passed in 1920.

As I mention in my historical fiction, "Oh! Susannah", politics back in the 19th century was a very heated and spiritedly debated topic of conversation. Local newspapers were supported or otherwise "propped up" by party money and the individual editors spared no type in sparring with their counterpart editors, which in turn, spurred their partisan readers on. My research reveals that in rural Ohio back in the 19th century, your party affiliation determined which newspaper you subscribed to. And as a matter of interest, I'm currently scouring through over 30 thousand images of these old newspapers as part of my research for my next book.

I remember back in the 70's and 80's how important a newspaper endorsement would be to a political candidate. I personally witnessed long lines of people during this time waiting to vote and many of them clutching a newspaper's list of endorsed candidates. Come to think of it, when was the last time you physically held a newspaper - of any kind - in your hands to read? Everything is online these days, right? And the simple days of clipping a list of endorsed candidates from a trusted source, may never return.

However, the act of voting, even if it means wading through pages and pages of local issues, is as relevant and important today as ever before. Has the thought, "What would life look like, if we did not live in a democratic republic?" ever cross your mind? Personally, I believe that there are elected officials at present who seem hell bent on destroying our democratic framework and even more scary, are the number of people who support them! Are these folks fully informed? duped? or otherwise desiring destruction for the sake of change? I'm ever hopeful that common sense will prevail, all our voices heard, and debated; weighed up for what's best for the general good of all of us.

Not that much thought went into a voter's decision in the 1800's. Today we seriously have more responsibility on our collective shoulders, but as will be addressed in my sequel novel, partisan politics were no less heated.

May I encourage you to continue to engage in the public discourse and actively support those representatives of ours who most closely reflect our vision and values and similarly, may you continue to support your local authors. I have been a most humble benefactor of this support, and if you would like to either purchase my books or keep up with my latest endeavors, visit www.beckleysbooks.com

[svioletg]

sure i'll post this here, got my first kit stand the other day because i was tired of all my models just doing a Standing And Looking Forward pose and i'm super bad at getting them to balance right on their own

first time trying posing like this so it could definitely be better, but i think it's not too bad and it's close enough to what i wanted

( hi this is future violet, i put a cut here because i started like rambling and it got long )

the second like stand post that comes with this had lfrith sit really low so at first i was gonna do like a crouching thing to try and make it work, but at the suggestion of a friend i changed it to this sort of gliding stance going on which i think is better - yeah the rifle hand is a little droopy, i couldn't get it to stay exactly in place

these two are the 3rd and 4th gunpla i've completed - Lfrith being #3 and Aerial being #4 - and its been really fun! i never got into gunpla before both because mobile suit gundam as a series isn't something i'm generally invested in and a lot of the mobile suits themselves don't really interest me design-wise, and i didn't think i'd enjoy putting together a kit of something i didn't think looked cool or wasn't otherwise invested in as like merch/decoration, if that makes sense

plus i always thought i would find the process tedious, historically i've not enjoyed dealing with very small bits and pieces of thinks and building or repairing them, but these kits have actually been some of the most relaxing shit i've done this year, it's nice

i just started with gunpla this year, the HG michaelis was my first because i thought it looked cool and more importantly it was one of few in stock, and i found myself really enjoying it despite using a giant pair of pliers (i got wire cutters and a number of other tools like lining pens and tweezers for my 2nd kit onwards) and the fact that this damn thing does not want to stand up on its own, significantly moreso than the other 3 i've built

second one was a [checks bbts page again] "Gundam Breaker Battlogue HGBB Perfect Strike Freedom Gundam" — typically referred to by me as "the gundam strike freedom fucker or whatever" because i never remember its name — which i only got because i really wanted to build another kit after the michaelis, but none of the WFM kits were in stock (no evangelion kits in stock either, the HG original series design eva-01 kit i pre-ordered in april hadn't arrived yet - and still hasn't now lol) so i found myself just looking at in-stock high grades trying to find something i thought looked cool, and went with that one. it was a fun build but i didn't fully realize how gigantic those back wings would be and it is impossible to stand on its own without having it lean back weirdly so i just propped up the back on something and had it rest against my wall so it looks vaguely correct ( although i am fucking devastated that i couldn't combine the two swords into the giant one and have it hold that, the arms kept falling out from the weight :( )

hi you've reached the bottom of the post i didnt think this would be like. long. hope you liked it ?

[dolphs-world]

August 10th, An actual Redux

Decided to return to my deleted post early. Talked about 3 things I liked about 'Citizen Kane'. 1. The Cockatoo. I like slow movies, a movie can be slow and paced well, especially given how fast a lot of newer videos on the internet are. But, by 90 minutes in, I was a little tired. The Cockatoo woke me right up. 2. 'The Simpsons'. It was cool seeing just how much of the film 'The Simpsons' referenced, especially with Mr. Burns. The Vaudeville number? Wow. But it was also interesting seeing what had escaped general pop culture. Last year I watched 'The Planet of the Apes', LOVED IT, and found it really interesting that the first quarter, the human sci-fi exploration part, was never referenced. Less so with 'Citizen Kane' given how it is the most overanalysed film, but I thought it was going to be focused a lot more on politics. Didn't know it was going to be non-linear and a focus on the ethics of journalism, which as we all know was what gamergate was really about (sarcasm). So yeah! 3. Plot Hole. In 'Toy Story', Buzz is a toy who doesn't think he is one. How does he know to act dead when a human appears? This is a plot hole I hear mentioned a lot. I have 2 things to say about it. a) It's very easy to rationalise. If you were on a strange planet, would you act like the friendly locals in a situation you perceive as dangerous to mitigate said danger? b) I'm a very particular person, I can focus on minor details like this that can take me out of the movie a bit. But if you can rationalise it with one line like I have, does it really ruin your enjoyment of the film? Does this ONE detail ruin it? I don't think so. The first scene of 'Citizen Kane' features the titular character dying. He says "Rosebud", drops a snow globe, and the nurse comes in later, covers him up, and takes him away. Who heard him say "Rosebud"? The Butler did. He said so right before telling his story. Granted, this happened right before the Cockatoo so it's easy to forget. But to have this kind of criticism you'd have to engage with the film pretty deeply and for the most overanalysed film, it's kind of embarrassing that this is a common criticism. Again, it's one detail. You're going to let THAT ruin your enjoyment? That was the first half. I think it was 3 times longer but c'est la vie. Anyways, the next section needs the start otherwise it doesn't make sense. I can't remember how I led into it so it's going to be a bit jarring.

We might have to move house at the end of the year. I really don't want to. My mum says that it won't change anything but I severely disagree. It will change everything, travel, interaction etc. It makes all the effort she's put "renovating" the house the past year or so pointless. But without a second full-time income we just don't have the resources to pay. I've offered to give half of my income but she doesn't want me to spend do that because I'll be worse of the future. I understand that but I'd still like to help out. I don't think having to move is fair. I really hope if we do have to move, it's still within this district. Recently, I started a new job. It involves working with children and I love it. I think I get along with people outside of my age range. And besides for a few people at my employment level, everyone is outside of said range. It's a much better alternative than lounging about at school, hoping that a friend has some time off from their "busy" schedule. My friends at Tertiary school I made back in Secondary school. They are all STEM students and all they do is complain (I get the irony). But they put themselves in this situation. No one forced them. The ones who have been pressured by their parents are the ones who don't complain. And it's so hard to have a conversation with any of them. Either they complain about school work, or they can only talk about one specific interest. It's like being forced to attend a lecture on a topic is uninteresting and told in a way that is unengaging. I don't mean to sound like a dick. I don't need to talk about the themes of 'Catcher in the Rye' or Hegelian Dialectics, but fucking rocks?! There's a friend of mine who for a month straight, whenever there was a moment of silence he would just talk about the different types of rocks. And that was it. It would be like if I just described how much screen time each Simpsons character had. And that's it. There's no meaning. And I know this guy can be a really engaging speaker. He did a 20 minute talk on how science can be hard to initially engage students. Beforehand, I did not care about the plight of the scienceman but by god if it wasn't one of the best things a peer did. But just talking about rock types or the different costumes of a Genshin character does not cut it for an engaging conversation. And I think part of it has to do with their hatred of English and the Humanities. I am often the butt of jokes because of my choice of studying, how easy it is, how childish it is. They often envy my life (I guess? don't know how else to phrase it) because of my "lucky" timetable. It wasn't lucky, I carefully planned it out so I had enough time to work and also have fun outside of both avenues of work. And I love my job! My friends envy me on a surface level. They see me walking about without any stress and they say "oh, wow I wish I could be as care-free and innocent as you". And then I describe the work I have to do for school, analysis of media sometimes, and my job and they say "oh, I could never do that". I know you can't! You're you and I'm me. I made my choices and I am happy with them. Why can't you be? Anyways, that's it. I will have more to say on their hatred of English another. Also forgot to reinclude my random thought about if video games are high art, another thing I will discuss at a later time. This isn't the end though, my previous entry is the "conclusion" to this. Now I got to run along and write a gratitude letter for someone. Lame!