#I'm to tired to remember i hope it's right otherwise it's not making sense

[nrc-asteryn-crew]

When the phantom allowed them to come inside, Yuuto's head immediately whipped around to stare at it, completely dumbfounded. Aros' eyes widened before schooling themselves.

"Ah, is that so..? Thank you, then. We will not attack you unless provoked ourselves, that much I can say with certainty."

He said in gentler tone, taking a hold of Yuuto's free arm and bringing them both to the entrance.

Making their way through the dorm, they eventually caught up to where Kiyuu was standing now.

"Darling, your eye makeup is all smudged..."

Aros murmured, frowning as he tilted her head, down this time, ever so slightly, to get a closer look. Kiyuu shook her head, Aros bringing his hand away in response. She gave him a small smile, meant to reassure him.

"I'll be okay. Yuna's more important than my smudged eyeliner. By far."

She said quietly in response.

During all of this, Yuuto stood, leaning on a nearby wall, before abruptly pushing himself off of it, and casually walking his way up to her, seating himself down nearby, turning to address her.

"Hey. I'm Yuuto, 'n this is my crow, Xen. You can pet him, or even hold 'im if you want. He won't attack ya or anythin' 'nless I tell 'im too. Ain't that right?"

He said, gesturing towards the crow that was perched on his arm. He squawked, and fluttered his wings a little, but otherwise stayed amicable, Even leaning a little towards Yuna, as if expecting something from her.

Aros and Kiyuu simultaneously gave Yuuto their own questioning looks, both of them about to say something when Yuuto spoke up again.

"What? You really think she's gonna trust us as is? Some random strangers trying to pry into all her life problems? I'm just evening the playin' field a little, so I'm not too much of a stranger anymore. Ain't that hard to comprehend."

He said, speaking to them all while sporting a tired, deadpan expression. His voice held a slight edge to it, as if a little irritated that he even had to explain it. But really, it was a little more than that.

"Ah. You'd know that. Wouldn't you..."

Kiyuu whispered softly to herself, as Aros began to respond at the same time.

"That makes a lot of sense. It's a good idea, I like it.

My name is Aros, and I'm a 2nd year from Pomefiore. I'm a model and an actor, and have been since I was very young, though, quite obviously, I am not nearly of the same level as Vil, both skill and popularity wise."

He said. Though, as he thought about it more, it seemed almost... too rehearsed, too rigid. It didn't really suit the scene in front of him.

"...Something a lot of people have told me, is that I'm quite fond of animals. This... quirk of mine, seems to also extent towards beastmen, too. Much to my embarrassment..."

He found himself saying, after a few short moments of struggling to find something else to tell about himself. He hadn't quite meant to say that much, but he hoped that it meant something, to share such a trivial yet somehow personal (read: embarrassing) fact.

"Ah! This is cute, okay! Uhm- I'm Kiyuu! I really like cooking meals, especially with others. I also- really like surfing and ice-skating, though that doesn't mean I was- really any good at either, but I haven't really been able to do either much lately. Ya'know- being on- on Sage's Island and all that..."

She shared, trying to remember the different things she really used to enjoy. With her whole routine and schedule that she'd held on and off for many years being dishevelled since she'd gotten here, It's been harder for her to really find the time or energy to do some hobbies of her's anymore, and found it a little bit of a strain to even remember them anymore.

"Hey, that makes three of us right now with 'Yu' names! Those are some crazy odds- I wonder how many there are of us..."

She then pondered in a mumble, mostly to herself.

Yuuto turned back to Yuna, leaning back onto one of his hands, leaving the other lifted, for Xen to continue to perch on.

"So. It's your turn now, Goldie. Doesn't matter that we already know ya name, bet you've got plenty more interestin' 'bout'cha than just that. Let's hear it."

He grinned.

A notification flashes across phone screens everywhere throughout NRC. The radio podcast, NRTea has gone live once more!

"Hello, hello, dearest listeners! And welcome to another episode of NRTea, the hottest tea party on sages island! I'm your host, Chamomile-"

"and I am Earl Grey"

"And oh boy do we have a story for you today! Take it away, Earl!"

"...alright.

As of late, there have been brambles spiralling up and encasing parts of the Ramshackle dorm. The brambles themselves seem generally harmless, as do the roses that fall from them, but if you prick yourself on the thorns, it would be quite an unpleasant sensation, so I'd suggest exercising some extra caution when visiting for now."

"Yup, yup! If you've got a friend or two living in the dorm out there, go check on em and make sure they're doing okay!"

"I know I myself must check in on my dearest companions soon..."

"Well that's it for now! We've been your hosts, Chamomile-"

"And Earl Grey,"

"And this has been NRTea. Stay thirsty, dear listeners!"

The stream continues on for a bit before cutting off, though.

"Hey... James?"

"Yes?"

"Y'know how Yuna has been locking up lately and stuff? Says she's been super sick recently."

"Mhm... It's quite concerning, if I am being honest. I haven't seen her for a while..."

"...I wonder if Yuna is alright. I hope she doesn't get hurt with all those brambles."

"...Me too, Lewis. Me too."

(✨YUNA OVERBLOT STUFF YAHOO!!!

-✨mod, @night-raven-miscellany. Technically James and Lewis, too, but I haven't been adding them fhdjfj)

Kiyuu stared down at her phone with a frown as the podcast ended. She didn't say anything, prompting Aros to speak up from behind her.

"...Lucky you haven't been over there for a while, isn't it?"

He spoke, giving Kiyuu a faint smile, leaning in just a little closer while dabbing a makeup brush into the eyeshadow pallette in his hand, before applying it, making slightly quicker movements than previously, already being able to tell what Kiyuu was thinking.

They both knew the signs by now from even just a glance. With the context the podcast had accidentlly given... Something bad was about to happen. That much they could tell.

His expression morphed back into a frown as he watched how Kiyuu's face seemed to go through a cycle of conflicting emotions, confirming what he'd thought.

"...Yuuto's close by, though. And he definitely won't hesitate to head straight for Ramshackle once he suspects something's happening..."

There was more silence, only disturbed by the quiet sounds of rummaging through makeup and supplies from Aros. They'd been in the middle of testing out some makeup samples Aros had been sent for a promotion when they'd decided to tune into NRTea's podcast in the background.

"...Would you like me to quickly finish applying your makeup before we go?"

Aros offered, picking up an eyelash curler, and tilting Kiyuu's head up gently with his pointer finger.

"But-"

"Ah- Let me finish now. If you're worried about time, I'll change up our plan, do something quick, yet effective, instead. Don't stress out more than you need to. It won't do you any good."

"Mmh... Okay then. I'd- really like that. Thank you..."

Kiyuu conceeded softly, a silent exchange of gratitude from Kiyuu between them, Aros nodding in response, expression neutral as he continued.

"...Heh. I bet he's real excited right now. I worry a lot for him when he does this sort of thing, y'know. Just doing whatever he wants with no consideration to anyone else's feelings..."

Kiyuu mumbled, an underlying bitterness that she never quite felt wholeheartedly in her voice.

"That's just how he is. The only thing for us to do now is help them both out, hm?"

"Ah- right..! Yuna, I heard their name was, I think... I hope they're alright..."

"As do I."

Aro's commented as he stood, reaching instinctively for his hand mirror, handing it to Kiyuu as he hastily, yet still neatly, tidied up his supplies.

"Satisfactory?"

He asked, turning his head around to gauge Kiyuu's opinion.

"Yeah! More than, for sure."

Kiyuu agreed, handing back the mirror. She felt a little better now, the familiar feeling of her makeup calming her nerves ever so slightly.

After a few short moments she stood, hastily reaching to fix up her hair into a more practical fashion.

"Okay! Okay. Let's go! We shouldn't waste anymore time."

She announced, projecting bounds more confidence than she actually felt.

"Yes, let's. Perhaps we'll even arrive before anything too disastrous occurs on either party's end..."

Aros responded. Though somehow, they both doubted that much of a miricle would happen for them today...

[ablog]

I had a dream it was like probably 2012 when gravity falls was still kinda small and I was at one of those random non main conventions and Alex Hirsch was there at a booth, I went to some back corner to clean some liquid that was spilling in my bag, and I guess on my shoes because I was with socks, and there was a my height slop I took down to get to the corner, and it was right behind Alex's booth, and when I tried to get back it was too slippery and then he noticed and lend a hand but when I took his hand he did a bill voice with yellow eyes and jokenly said "thanks kid, you're my mu-fasa now!" And let go for the fall and it was funny

[bluejay757]

TW: mentions of self harm

Lies. Simon out right said he didn't want to be Ice King and that he would have rather died. "But what about what Ice King wanted?"

They're the same fucking person. Ice King is not a separate consciousness or personality, he just doesn't remember being Simon.

Betty was not wrong or selfish she fucking sacrificed herself because of how much she loved Simon. She deserves the world. Simon is not depressed because he lost his ice powers he's depressed because the love of his life is fused with an all powerful demon and he's never gonna see her again, not even in the after life, had she made it out he would have been happy. Would they still feel out of place in the futuristic and magic world? Yes. But atleast they wouldn't be going through it alone.

Simon's predicament was a metaphor for two things. Addiction and dementia. Are you saying you think addicts don't deserve help when they literally beg for it? "You can't force an addict into rehab" you're right you can't, but he wasn't forced he wanted help. Do you think if an addict seeks help they deserve to be told, "no you should just accept who you are now" and be forced to live in their condition for eternity? Wtf. And dementia obviously isn't curable, but if it were everyone with dementia or alzhiemers would want it cured and deserve it. Because no one wants to live like that.

Simon wanted to be himself again he just wanted his wife there with him, he wouldn't have rather stayed the Ice King the only thing he misses is the blissful ignorance that came with it. It's like when you're depressed and you purposefully make yourself numb because numbness is better than sadness, until even that stops working so you turn to SH because you think it's better to feel pain than nothing at all. It is unhealthy and a harm to yourself, Simon doesn't need to go through that again.

"Ice King deserved to be accepted!" He literally was. Everyone had accepted him except for betty, but oh wait she was about to accept him until patience fucked her up and gave her a false sense of hope, it's not her fault Magic Man made her insane. Not to mention everyone else had waaaaay more time to come to terms with Ice King. It took Finn his whole life, and he didn't even know him as Simon, PB took hundreds of years to be on good terms with him, and Marceline, the only other person who knew Simon as his true self took nearly 1,000 years to come to terms with and accept Simon as Ice King. So what makes you think his Fiance, who had gone crazy through no fault of her own, would be able to accept everything that happened just like that? I mean did you ever stop and think how quickly that all happened for her? One morning she's having breakfast with her fiance in like 1999 and then that night she's in the year 3000 fighting a demon to save that same man? She had literal minutes to process all of this, she woke up that day not even knowing that Magic was real.

And one last thing Simon fears death now. He has a will to live unlike before when he wanted to die or kill himself, if that doesn't prove he's better off now idk what does.

I will not stand for Betty slander. She did the right thing. And I'm sick an tired of people saying otherwise.

[cosmicjoke]

Heya again! What do you think the relationship between Levi and Annie would be post-war, realistically. The popular narrative seems to be that Levi wouldn't forgive Annie, and I can kind of understand that sentiment (AKA, Levi glaring at her while the rest of the 104th wave goodbye before going to stop the rumbling asjkdfjksdjf).

The thing is Levi will kill if necessary, but he won't enjoy it. It's just the way things are in his line of work. Because Levi thinks that all life is precious and important, he will try to conserve the most lives possible, especially those of the innocent. Meanwhile, Annie, by her own admission, didn't care for anyone's life, her own included, particularly because of the way she was raised. She also says that if she would do it all over again, she would if it meant seeing her father again (which means that she does see that life is important, or at least she noticed it was after her father begged her to come home, which suddenly gave her something to fight for, rather than just doing whatever someone told her to do for the sake of it but that's another topic).

Thinking to their first meeting, after Annie had slammed, crushed and otherwise thrown around Levi's comrades like yoyo's, of how Levi was standing on Annie's head, asking her if she had 'enjoyed it' when she was rampaging through the Scouts. I might be completely misremembering what he said, but I think the gist of it was trying to see if she had enjoyed killing other people for the sake of killing them (again, YOYO) or if there was some shred of humanity existed somewhere. I remember you said a bit back that he was even trying to find the humanity in Zeke in season 4, so maybe he was doing the same here.

Rocky introduction aside, it does seem that Annie, unlike Zeke, does change. The Annie of season 1 was bored and at the very least acted like she didn't care about anyone. That might have been part of why she had been so violent with the scouts. She might have been trying to turn it into a game and dehumanize them so that she'd stop seeing them as allies. It was already hard enough for her to kill Armin, so hard that she ultimately didn't. In season 4 on the other hand, she just breaks down, exclaiming that she doesn't want to fight them anymore and that she's so tired of them killing each other.

Haha, this started out as a "would Levi and Annie be friends" and ended up being an Annie deep dive, whoops. Anyway, circling back to the original point; with this attitude change in mind, I don't think it would be impossible for Levi and Annie to at the very least be civil, not that Levi wouldn't be civil around his ahemfavorite brat's girlfriend skjdfksdjfk, but if Annie changed her mindset, I think it would be easier for him to forgive her.

Not to mention he would no doubt keep in mind that they were two soldiers from separate sides doing what they thought was right. ALso Annie was a literal brainwashed child soldier, so that might make him more understanding. Unlike Zeke, who although also has a tragic backstory, stubbornly did not change his mind or attitude about life and it's sanctity.

Come to think of it, it's very interesting that Annie and Zeke had very similar if not the same ideologies about life, but Annie's perspective changed while Zeke just stayed stuck in his cage of nihlisim.

This went a little bit all over the place, and I'm not even sure it makes sense, skjdfksdfk. But anyway, do you think that Annie and Levi would come to a middle ground? Like I don't think they would be close but would they at least be civil around each other?

Hope you are having a beautiful day and God bless!

The thing people don't understand about Levi is that he's not a vengeful person. He never takes any action in the name of revenge. People make this mistake with him because of the situation with Zeke, and thinking Levi wanted to kill Zeke to "avenge" his comrades or to "avenge" Erwin, but that's a complete misreading of the actual motive behind Levi's desire to kill Zeke. Levi wanted to kill Zeke because it was the only way he could give meaning to the deaths of every soldier that died that day in Shinganshina, because they literally gave their lives so that Levi could take Zeke's.

If people would just understand this simple, objective truth about Levi, they could then apply it to Levi's attitude toward Annie, and understand why Levi didn't seek to hurt or kill Annie, despite what she'd done to his squad and all the other Scouts that day.

The other thing people don't get about Levi's character is that he'll often engage in idle threats. He's constantly threatening to do things that he has no, real intention of following through on. When he threatens to break Erwin's legs, for example, or when he threatens Pastor Nick with a gun, or when he threatens to get Zeke's grandparents killed for Zeke's betrayal of Marley, or the implied threat against Gabi and Falco if Zeke doesn't cooperate. Levi doesn't mean any of it. He's not a sadistic or cruel person on any level. And so, with that understanding in mind, one also will understand that the threats he made against Annie during the Female Titan arc were idle threats. It wasn't even because he was angry at her that he was threatening those things (though of course I'm certain he WAS very pissed and beyond disgusted at her cruelty), but what Levi was trying to do was prevent more casualties. He wanted Annie to come out of her Titan and surrender so that no more lives would be put in danger. Again, this is something people have to understand about Levi and the way he operates. Everything he does, other than attempting to support and realize the goals of the Survey Corps, is done with the intent of saving and protecting lives. Levi's threats unfortunately had the opposite effect of what he intended, because he didn't realize Annie had the power to call pure Titans to her, so the whole thing backfired and she escaped.

Anyway, all this is to say that I highly doubt Levi will have held any, true hatred for Annie, despite everything. He would have understood why she did what she did. Remember, Levi also was the only one to see Annie shed tears while in her Titan form. So he knew from that that she wasn't some remorseless, sociopathic killer. The reason Levi hates Zeke so much is because Zeke really is remorseless, and even tries to frame his cruelty and murderous actions as a "mercy" he's enacting upon others. But Annie never spouted those kinds of delusions or excuses for her behavior. Levi keeps questioning Zeke because he wants to find out if he really took pleasure in and felt no guilt over the things he'd done, because then he would know at least that Zeke had some humanity in him. But Zeke just kept lying to him and refused to engage with Levi in any, meaningful way, which told Levi that Zeke really didn't give a shit about the people he'd hurt and killed. Annie, I think, always knew that what she was doing was wrong, and she felt intense guilt over it, despite claiming not to care. It's why, in the end, she's able to do the right thing and join the alliance in the final battle. She wanted to make amends. The same as Reiner.

So, basically, while I don't think Levi and Annie would likely ever be friends, just because they're very different, with Levi being such a selfless and kind person, and Annie definitely leaning toward a more selfish and detached personality, (than again, Levi has been friends with plenty of people who were very different from himself, so maybe he would) I don't think Levi holds any resentment or hatred toward her, either. I think he understands her and forgives her. And that's the other thing about Levi that people really don't seem to get, is that he's the least judgmental character in "AoT". He never tries to dictate to anyone, or tell them what's wrong or right. He lets them choose that for themselves, just like he lets people choose for themselves what course they'll take. Levi isn't interested in moralizing to others, or controlling them in any way. He isn't interested in making them feel bad or guilty about things, especially when they're things done for understandable, human reasons, like having an emotional attachment of some kind. So while he certainly wouldn't relate to Annie's willingness to do it all over again just to see her Dad, he would still understand it from a human perspective. That's what comes of being the most empathetic and really most emotionally intelligent character in the series, too. Levi will always understand you, as long as you're willing to be honest with him about it and as long as you don't demonstrate genuinely sadistic tendencies, i.e. taking actual pleasure in the suffering of others.

[noahsbookhoard]

📚November 2024 Book Review📚

November was a bit less busy that October and varies from jawdropping to very meh.

Everyone In My Family Has Killed Someone (Ernest Cunningham #1) by Benjamin Stevenson

That one is definitely in the jawdropping category. A great murder mystery in which you have all the keys and the author is right there telling you to "go ahead and solve it". I didn't. I had fun anyway. Just as darkly funny as the title announces.

Wintersmith (Discworld #34) by Terry Pratchett

I think sofar it is my favorite Tifanny Aching story: she is growing up and that shows, she is more responsible, she owns up to what she does wrong, she is still whip smart and I never get tired of the Nac Mac Feegle.

Dracula by Bram Stoker

This count as a novel read since I completed Dracula Daily like everyone on nov 8. The audio drama version by Bloody FM production is so good and a great plus because some of Van Helsing lecture at John are really just too long.

Une belle vie by Virginie Grimaldi

I don't know why but I ended up reading 3 Grimaldi in as many months, maybe because they are rather easy to read, funny and generally have a hopeful vives even when dealing with heavy themes. This one is the story of two estranged sister who reconnect by coming for one last vacation in their grand mother house before they sell it. They rebuilt their relationship and draw back childhood memories, some good and some bad. The part where I got confused is that the author tries to tackle a lot of subjects (bipolarity, depression, domestic violence and cancer are the ones I remember but there are many) instead of just one are two. It was a lot to handle at times but a good read nonetheless.

The Restaurang at the End of the Universe (Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy #2) by Douglas Adams

Book 2 is just as crazy as The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, but I found it a little more coherent, as in I knew approximately where we were going (a restaurant) and the convoluted adventure that leads to and from it made more sense to me than in book 1. I'm really excited for the rest of the series.

L'amant by Marguerite Duras

I admit, I don't see the appeal. The writing is good but not incredibly so. The story itself is rambling, I guess it was intentional but it makes it harder to follow. The relationship between the author as a girl and her lover at least 10 years older is very disturbing when judge by modern standards and I was a little put off by the casual way she talks about her brother's death. I must have missed the literary qualities here but I might try another of her novel later on.

La Dame du manoir de Wildfell Hall (The Tenant of Wildfell Hall) by Anne Brontë

I felt so much fucking rage reading this novel! It has some of the most heinous male characters I have ever read and even the main love interest has a hell of a journey to stop being an entitled jealous violent piece of shit. That said it is very well written otherwise I would have either given up or thrown the whole thing through the window. Helen, the main character is strong minded and brave, I loved her from the start and grew even warmer. I strongly recommend it.

Tw for domestic abuse and alcoholism.

The Sword Catcher (Chronicles of Castelane #1) by Cassandra Clare

This was an indulgence: I said I wanted to read less traditional medieval heroic fantasy and it falls right into it. It is good tho! I liked the concept of the Sword Catcher and the Ragpicker King amd especially how the two characters interact. I really hope the relationship between Connor and Kel is explored more too in the future books because the homoerotic subtext deserve to be more text than that!

Somewhere Beyond the Sea (Cerulean #2) T J Klune

I loved The House in the Cerulean Sea so I was excited for the sequel, but a little weary too. I was afraid not to find what made book 1 so dear to me. But there it was! The kids and their shenanigans, Arthur and Linus being their lovey dovey selves, Zoey and Helen are all the village had kept its newly opened mind from the end of book 1 and that was very comforting. The story is hard, the hate and fear they face hits a little too close. But they overcome it and everything ends well which is just what I wanted to read.

The kids calling Arthur and Linus Dad and Papa was extremely cute. I really loved David and how he bonded with Lucy. Not a comfort book as much as the first one but I had a great time reading it

My Roommate is a Vampire by Jenna Levine

I stumbled upon this one because I watched this video of a person who read all the Rylo fanfic turned novels out of morbid curiosity and this one seemed intriguing enough for me to try, open mind and all that. I was promised some whimsy, a shopping montage and a heist.

Well there's comedy (an kumquats for some reason) The shopping montage wasn't much of a montage, they just went and tried t-shirts on. But the end was just stupid: female lead went ahead with a plan she deems stupid and unlikely to work, us reader with even the tiniest bit of social media experience know that the plan is stupid and can't possibly work. And it works. Just genuinely first degree work. When you go with that in a comedy setting at least make your stupid plan work in a funny way, WWDITS style! Some bits are tedious, I understand your 400 year old don't know how to use Instagram but I do and I don't need a full chapter of tutorial (same chapter as my newest fight with my nemesis, the possessiveness trope, you don't get to storm off and brood just cause she posted bikini pics dude!)

Overall it was quite fun if you don't think to much about it.

When Among Crows by Veronica Roth

I listen to the audio book and the accents were *chef kiss*: it is a novella with slavic folklore creatures in an modern setting and I wasn't expecting to love it so much!! It's a story about monsters and family and duty. Angsty, a bit gay, the characters relationship work very well. It will be a reread in the future.Greatest of news for me today! I discovered by googling the spelling of characters names that a second book is coming this year!

[soulacheron]

𝐋𝐨 𝐒𝐩𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐫𝐨 - 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟏

Mini introduction for this was here

I decided to make this little series with Santino and Acheron. I'll explain Acheron more, so everything makes more sense. Idk how many chapters this will have, but I think it'll be long ongoing. The series's name is "Lo Spettro"

Hope yall will like this little chapter :)

◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇

Santino stared at the wolf figure in front of him. It called him "Master" but why was it a wolf?

"What... so you are the demon? I thought you'd have a human form?" Santino asked, staring in confusion at the wolf. "I take a form of an animal or human that is special to my new Master. You find wolves interesting... and it was easier for me to take a wolf form. Everyone human in your life isn't very close to you."

Okay, a literal demon wolf was telling him that no one in his life is close to him. How much lower can he fall?

Santino sighed, feeling his chest with his hand. Surely, he was shot there and at his lower abdomen. That's why he was bleeding out so fast and was near death.

Where are those wounds now?

He looked down, his suit was still messy from the blood, and there were the bullet holes. However, no wounds?

"You... what did you do to me?" Santino asked and looked up at the creature, feeling his lips and chin with his fingers and seeing that they were covered in blood. Yeah, he did coughed out blood, he remembers that.

"I healed you. You became my Master, so I have to protect you." The wolf said, sitting and waiting patiently. "The pain that I felt... what was that?" He asked. He had so many questions. "I took your soul and, therefore, saved you. I forgot to mention that can be painful. I'm sorry it hurt." The wolf bowed its head in respect.

Santino nodded, taking in a deep breath and exhaling since the disgusting taste of blood in his mouth made him feel nauseous and dizzy. "I um... fuck, I taste blood..." Santino muttered, trying to stand up and, surprisingly to him, the wolf nudged its head so he can support himself against him.

He got up with a wince, but otherwise he was feeling okay. Better than before that's for sure.

"Thank you." Santino said quietly to the creature. "Always, Master." It spoke. "Do you have a name?" Santino asked, fixing his messy suit and tie. "No. I'd be honored if you gave me a name, Master." Wolf said, again sitting calmly in front of him. Santino looked at him and nodded. "I'll see what I can think of when we get home." He paused, "Now... how will I explain that I summoned a demon who is actually a wolf?" He asked himself, but wolf decided to try and help.

"You could simply start with why you decided to do it in the first place-" That he was so desperate for success that he sold he soul? Absolutely not. "No, no, no... I'm not saying that. I... cazzo.." he sighed, pinching his eyes. "I'll figure something out." He always does. He just... needs some more time right now.

"I actually nearly died." He whispered to himself, looking at the blood puddle. "The things I do for these people... for my fucking status." He hates that he got himself in that situation. Almost dying for what? For something that wasn't supposed to happen. And he got shot. He wasn't supposed to get shot. Damn, everything didn't go as planned.

"You'll still need rest, Master. I did healed you but you'll still feel fatigue." Wolf said.

Now, when he mentioned it, he felt tired, like his body was exhausted. "Yeah... I can feel it." Santino said, pulling out his phone. "Do you know where everyone else is?" He asked, looking around, but it was so quiet.

"I believe they left." Wolf said calmly.

Huh? They wouldn't leave his boss. No. Not Ares. They're like a team. Right? This doesn't make sense.

Santino tensed up a little thinking about this. 'They wouldn't do that.' He said in his mind. "Are you alright, Master?" Wolf asked. Santino snapped back from his thoughts and looked over at the wolf. "Yes. I'll just call them. But you..." he paused, "Can you make yourself kind of disappear? When we're home, I'll explain who you are." Santino just needed some more time to figure this all out.

"Of course. I'll do as you say, Master." Wolf said and bowed his head again. "You don't have to call me Master every single time." Santino said, sighing. "How would you like me to call you then?" Wolf asked, titling his head a little. "Um... I'm not sure yet." He replied.

"Santino? Mr. D'Antonio? Boss?" Wolf suggested. Well, coming from a demon wolf, it sounded a little weird to him. "Let's just stay on Master for now." Yeah, maybe that's better.

"Whatever you say, Master."

Santino made a phone call, talking in Italian to one of his bodyguards. Also cursing at whoever was on the other side of the line. Wolf waited patiently, waiting for more commands.

"They'll be here soon. So, when we get home, I can try and introduce you." Santino said, putting his phone back into his pocket. "Understood. I'm looking forward to our partnership and for a new name." Wolf said and wagged his tail a little.

Santino huffed a chuckle, thinking if he had actually lost his mind and none of this was real. He is talking to a fucking demon wolf who is wagging his tail now.

"Yeah. It'll be one hell of a partnership."

[marumarielle]

hi !! i was reading through ur shifting info and i realised we have similar methods! pls feel free to correct if im wrong, i’m not sure what a memory skim is exactly, but from what it sounds like, you briefly go through the memories of your DR ? if that’s the case, thats more or less what i do before going through my senses.

i’ve brought that up because despite my consistency with my method and falling asleep in the state of wish fulfilled, i still haven’t shifted and keep waking up in my bedroom. granted i’ve only been doing this method for a week-ish so it’s not as long as other shifters, but its kinda getting tiring to keep waking up in my CR despite feeling otherwise. i feel as though i’m doing everything right, and i’m following with what resonates with me, but somehow i still haven’t shifted :(

would you have any advice for me?? thanks for taking the time to read this :DD btw sorry if its incoherent i wrote this at 2am 😭

Hi love! My answer is quite long so I'm sorry if it's a lot to process all at once but if you have any more clarifications, don't hesitate to ask me!💖

First and foremost, yes, you are right about the memory skim part. I usually just go through memories that are important to me or just make me feel like I already am in my DR which helps with taking my mind off my CR. Now, the shifting part. It is important for you to know that I've also been through the same thing so you're not alone in this, anon.

My advice? Only be concerned with your inner world. imagination.

Since the 4D is what the 3D follows, why are you concerned with "waking up here" in your CR? Imagination is the only reality. The goal isn't for you to see your wish physically but rather to feel fulfilled within. Because the point of loassumption is to fulfill yourself (which is what I think a lot of people miss). The 3D "materialising" is just a bonus.

"Going back and forth to fulfillment and desire is to wander aimlessly." —Edward Art. I've fallen asleep in the wish fulfilled state and woke up having "not shifted" did I care? No! Because I fulfilled myself within. If I truly understood law of assumption I wouldn't be concerned with the 3D since it is just a mere consequence. If I knew that in my imagination I've been in my DR, I am there because imagination is the only reality that I should concern myself with. It doesn't matter if I did the steps right, or meditated for 5 minutes, if I don't have faith that I have indeed shifted despite what my senses tell me, I'll go back to living in desire.

★ You need to stay faithful to your new assumption despite what your senses are telling you. Abandon your old assumption, that "I haven't shifted", because you're not going anywhere. If you keep going back to persisting in the assumption or belief that you haven't shifted yet, you won't shift. Change the way your inner world works. Shift your attention to what you want and not what you don't want. And in no time shifting will feel natural to you.

That's all anon! I hope l answered your question. Remember that you are all that you need, happy shifting!

[ambrossart]

good morning!!! I hope this week is better than your last, I’m looking forward to the next chapter of Paper Men! I was rereading and noticed that it seems, of all her love interests, Patrick is the only one who doesn’t hold her to this impossibly high standard. I was wondering if you did this intentionally (because I can tell everything you’ve written so far has been) or if this could change? I feel like this is partially why I root for Patrick even though he’s bad news, he’s different than Henry and Vic… he’s openly interested in Evelyn and seems to admire her (admire might be a strong word for him) differently than the other guys have been. idk if any of this makes sense lol. just seems unlike Vic and Henry, he doesn’t need Evelyn to be perfect.

Well, tomorrow (or uh… today, technically) is my birthday, so this week is already gonna be better than the last lol. I was just really busy with work last week, and I'm still getting used to my new writing schedule. Normally, I have a little free time during the afternoon to write, but not anymore. Now I have to do all my writing late at night. I don't love that, but I don’t really have a choice.

Anyway, it absolutely was intentional to have Patrick treat Evelyn differently because I want people to understand why someone like Patrick (who, at first glance, probably doesn't seem like Evelyn's type) might appeal to her, especially at this point in her life.

When it comes to relationships, Evelyn is very direct. If she likes someone, either romantically or platonically, it's pretty obvious that she likes them. Evelyn's not good at holding in her emotions, and that, unfortunately, can be overwhelming for a lot of people. We saw that with Victor when they were kids. Evelyn came on very strong right out of the gate and Victor couldn't handle it, so he kept pushing her away until Evelyn eventually gave up and moved on. Then she got “involved” with Henry, which was a slight improvement but came with all kinds of other problems. And you’re right, he does hold her to an impossible standard. Henry demands perfection and absolute loyalty from his partner; otherwise he doesn’t feel safe. That’s all well and good for Henry, but it’s not exactly fair to Evelyn.

Frankly, Evelyn’s exhausted right now. She’s tired of putting all her time and energy into one-sided relationships. She wants to be wanted. She wants to be desired. So now here comes Patrick, who is very consistent and clear about what he wants: he wants her, that’s all. He doesn’t play hard to get. He doesn’t pull away. And he doesn’t place any expectations or restrictions on her. With Patrick, Evelyn can do whatever she wants. She can be clingy and emotional. (In fact, Patrick wants her to be emotional. The guy’s a leech; he feeds off that shit.) She can’t cross a line because Patrick has no boundaries. It’s basically impossible to make that man uncomfortable. That’s gotta be pretty liberating for someone who’s used to walking on eggshells.

Most importantly, Patrick displays a genuine (or at least a seemingly genuine) interest in her, her life, her hobbies. He asks questions. He listens. He remembers. Does he have an ulterior motive? Of course he does, but does that really matter? Eh, I’ll leave that up to you. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Right now, Patrick is exactly what Evelyn needs, and I think if she ever lets her guard down, she’ll be surprised by how attracted to him she really is.

… which is what Patrick is counting on. 😂

[m0stlygh0st]

Helooo? ...Wahah, I feel like I don't really know anyone here aside from Sav. No worries there, I'm sure everyone here can answer this well enough.

I'm curious... You all seem quite affectionate with Sav. ...Don't look at mister policeman like that, I'm not saying anything's wrong. Quite the opposite - I'm wondering if some of you might prefer other kinds of affection. Words, giving gifts, just spending time together... Lots of ways to express fondness after all...

-Keiji Shinogi

*Optimus, Kyojuro and Diallos all smile, seemingly happy to talk to Keiji and not suspicious of the policeman. The three *former* delinquents– Spinner, Jin, and Lucas– all seem a little more… unsure about Keiji being an officer, but otherwise seem okay with answering.*

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Keiji!!”

“Yes, it’s always good to meet another of Sav’s friends.”

“They’ve been telling us all about you; give Slep our regards when you see them next, won’t you?” Diallos smiles knowingly at the officer.

“Now then… you wanted to know about the different ways we tend to show our affection?”

*Optimus pauses and looks between his colleagues and notices they’re all looking at him expectantly; he gets a bit shy, but clears his throat.*

“Ah, okay. I guess I’m going first, then. Alright…”

*He sighs for a moment and mulls over the question.*

“How do I show Savanah that I care for her? I believe humans refer to it as ‘acts of service’ in the sense of your ‘love languages,’ if I remember correctly. For me, I see the hard work Sav does for the people she cares about– not just her lovers, but her friends and family as well– and I just… can’t help but find that to be really inspiring to me. And so, if I know she’s been having a rough time or if she’s not feeling good, I’ll jump in and try to help her how I can. Sometimes that’s making dinner for her when she comes home, sometimes it’s tidying up things when she isn’t paying attention, or just helping her to get comfortable for a nap. She’s always so tired, and I wish I knew how to help her better, but she seems to appreciate what I do now, so I guess that means I’m doing something right, right?”

*Optimus feels pleased with his answer, and turns to Kyojuro, looking at him and expecting him to take his turn next. Kyojuro nods with a grin, patting his partner on the shoulder before speaking up.*

“Without a doubt, I think I like showering Sav with gifts the most. Now, don’t get me wrong– I show my love to Sav in all ways, any chance I get…! But… seeing the way her face lights up when I surprise her with something out of the blue? That never fails to get my heart racing and truly fans the flame of my affection for her! <3"

*He laughs a bit, before continuing.*

“Sav isn’t the type to ask for things– even if she needs something. So, naturally, that makes gift giving for her extremely easy. She loves the big extravagant gifts as much as the little ones; she just appreciates the thought that goes into the gifts themselves over anything else. I’m sure you understand what I mean, yes? :)”

*Everyone turns to Diallos, who appears to be lost in thought.*

“Let me see…” he muses quietly to himself a bit, seemingly torn between answers. After a little longer of mulling it over, he finally speaks up with more confidence. 

“When it comes to expressing our love languages to Sav, I feel the best when I can just tell her. I try to praise her in everything she does, truthfully; sometimes I worry that I may come off as disingenuous with how often I compliment her, but she reassures me that it’s fine,” he chuckled softly, bashfully running a hand through his hair.

“It’s… funny, actually. For as much as we compliment each other, I don’t think either of us really know how to take a compliment. She just gets so embarrassed, it’s adorable,” he sighed, an affectionate smile pulling at his lips. 

“I hope she realizes how happy she makes all of us. How much she really means to all of us. That feeling she gets, where she gets so giddy and excited and flustered– I hope I can be the one to make her feel that way directly every day that we’re together.”

*Lucas scratches his neck a bit and crosses his arms in thought; how can he follow up an answer like that? He takes a moment and snaps his fingers, a sort of ‘ah-hah!’ moment striking him.*

Okay. So, Sav’s like a cat– I know she’s more like a bat, but hear me out. You get what I mean– kind of shy and skittish around people, gets weird at 3am, you know? Well, she seems to be the happiest just being near me and spending time with me, so I give that to her as much as I can.

*He smirks a bit.*

She’s really the type to loaf on the sofa and lean on you while you do your own thing, and I really love that about her. She’s so affectionate, even when she’s trying to be covert with it, it’s actually adorable.

*Spinner hums a bit in thought, idly scratching his cheek in thought.*

Sav really likes it when I can touch her. N-not to make things weird, don’t take it like that!

*He sighs and shakes his head, clearly flustered.*

Geez… No, I mean– she seems the happiest when I hold her hand when we’re out in public, or when I reach out and play with her hair or give her head pats… Especially the head pats, actually. I think… it’s because she knows that I was nervous about hurting her when we first got together. I didn’t want my claws to hurt her or anything, so when I got more comfortable and started to get a little more deliberate in putting my hands on her– little stuff at first, like a hand on her back or taking her hand– she was really excited. She’s been constantly asking me for my hands to ask for pets or to be held ever since.

*Jin’s the last to answer, and all eyes are on him.*

… Gimme a second to think about it, will ya?!

*Jin thinks long and hard about it, before sighing and rubbing at his temples a bit. Finally, he sighs, seemingly coming to terms with his answer.*

Alright. I think that for me, it’s just gettin’ to do stuff with her. She really takes the time to get to know a guy and make him feel special, y’know? So… I guess I try and do the same for her when I can. I like going on walks around town with her or giving her ‘scary dog privilege’ when she’s out and about and wants to feel safe– as strong as she is, she gets super anxious going out on her own, and I don’t blame her. I’m just happy this mug of mine is good for something.

*Everyone, seemingly pleased with their answers, starts to disperse, but Optimus lingers back with a smile.*

“Thanks again for stopping by, Keiji. It was great to finally meet you! Hopefully, we were all able to answer your question one way or another. Though, I’m curious to know how exactly you show your love for Slep– have you given it much thought? Or is it one of those kinds of things that comes second nature to you at this point in your relationship with them?”

*He chuckles a bit, his question half serious and half good-natured teasing.*

“Take care, Mr. Policeman. Give Slep our regards when you see them, will you?”

[badsansandstarsansticklestuff]

As you can see, I am not dead !

Aaaanyway, here is another fic for ya ! Featuring ticklish Nightmare as always because I'm in love with him ♡

If you don't like it then feel free to block me or simply don't read it !

Characters: Dream & Nightmare (not a ship ! Only brotherly bonding time)

Context: they have made peace with each other and are now trying to spend more time together in order recreate their former link

□■□■□■□■□■□■□■□■□■□■□

Dreamtale, the tree of feelings... it's been so long since the two gardians were reunited in this place. And here they were, sitting next to each other, their back against the remains of their tree.

They were sitting in a peaceful silence, just enjoying each other's company. Things were so much different now, they fought for so many years, and now they were at peace. Sure they weren't as close as they used to be, but they were working on it !

It was Dream who broke the silence first.

- So... what's new in the castle ?

Nightmare responded after a few seconds.

- Not much, really. Horror has been baking a lot more recently, he says he wants to learn new recipes, Dust has discovered a new hobby and is now digging up old animal skeletons to clean them and then keep them, and Killer is desperately trying to find a lover.

Dream chuckled a little.

- Well, I hope he'll find one soon then.

Silence then fell over them once again. Nightmare sighed, feeling like sitting there wouldn't lead them anywhere. Dream knew his brother was starting to get bored.

- Do you remember when we were kids ? When we used to run around for hours without getting tired ?

Nightmare nodded, not saying anything, his childhood wasn't filled with happy memories, and remembering those wasn't something he liked to do. Dream sensed the negativity in his brother and frowned, he didn't want to bring back bad memories, they weren't here for that, they were supposed to spend a good day together !

Dream thought for a moment, searching for a way to make Nightmare think about something else, to bring some positive feelings to his brother. He smiled when he had an idea.

- Hey Night, do you know how many tickles it takes to make an octopus laugh?

Nightmare tilted his head, what kind of question was that ? And why did he have a very bad feeling about where this was going ?

- How many ?

- Ten tickles !

Dream said as he jumped on Nightmare without letting him time to say anything. Nightmare let out a surprise yelp before bursting out laughing when he felt Dream squeezing his sides. He should have known Dream was going to do that ! He always did, even when they were kids they would always tickle fight each other !

- DREHEAM NOHO !

Nightmare yelled as he was trying to escape his brother's grip. But Dream was very skilled in terms of tickle fighting, he know how to hold Nightmare so that he wouldn't escape.

- Aww, look at you, just as ticklish as you were before !

Dream teased, making Nightmare blush heavily. He know Nightmare was very weak against tickles, and teases only made it worse.

- SH-SHUHUHUT IHIHIT !!

- No can do brother ~

Dream continued his attack on his poor brother's sides, squeezing them rapidly, sometimes going lower to tickle his hips, and enjoying seeing him struggle to free himself and failing miserably.

- good thing we're alone here, no one can see you like that, otherwise it would have been embarrassing, don't you think ? The great and powerful Nightmare losing all his composure to some tickles ~

God this was like torture to Nightmare ! He felt so weak, so vulnerable, and the teasing wasn't helping at all ! Dream was cruel. Very cruel.

- S-STOHAHAHAP !!

- Stop what ?

- TICKLIHIHING MHEHIHIHI !!

- Oh you want me to tickle you more ? Well of course ! Anything to make my dear brother happy ~

Nightmare almost screamed when Dream started scratching his sides and tummy. He felt like he was gonna die from laughing. His cheeks were a bright blue from how flustered he was right now.

- DREHEHEAM PLEAHAHAHASE !!

Tears started to form in his eye and soon ran down his cheek. Dream watched him totally surrender to his tickles with great joy.

- Okay, okay, I'll stop !

He chuckled as he finally stopped tickling his poor brother and let him catch his breath. He could feel that his brother had fun as positivity was emanating from him. Nightmare was shaking.

- You're okay Night ?

- I'm gonna f*cking kill you... !

Nightmare said, still panting. Dream giggled.

- You sure will.

He smiled, happy to have succeeded in making his brother laugh and have fun.

He knew Nightmare would try to get vengeance, but if that meant spending time with him then he would gladly accept his fate !

~ end ~

[bookofmirth]

i know fandom drama is always talked about to death and i'm probably not adding anything new to the discussion, but i feel like the way this fandom treats lucien and mor in comparison to elain and nesta and azriel is very representative of white feminism. i'm growing very tired of fandom discussions that center around uplifting elain and nesta because of girlboss feminism and azriel - their favorite bland man to project a personality onto - while ignoring the struggles of non-white, non-straight characters who are also victims of abuse.

sooo many people in this fandom fall back on choice feminism when discussing nesta and elain - like if you don't support their "choices" (despite being fictional characters with no agency of their own), you don't support women's choices, and thus you are a bad feminist. not only is this a logical fallacy, but it also doesn't allow female characters to be multi-dimensional, to make bad choices, to not just be morally "good" all the time. idk if this happens with feyre too or not, but most discourse i see is around nesta and elain.

whenever certain people in this fandom see sympathetic discussions of lucien and hopes for him to have a happy ending (sometimes with elain, sometimes not), they complain that you care more about a man than a woman that he "inflicted trauma on." they only see the social divide in terms of gender, never examining how race also plays a role in the struggles lucien has faced - never even considering that a male poc could also experience abuse at the hands of tamlin and his family. and so many people hate mor for not being a "girl's girl" towards nesta, because they believe feminism is only about women uplifting women, never considering the way that mor's past struggles with abuse because of her gender and sexual orientation have shaped her to be wary of people that are (in her eyes) unnecessarily cruel.

i do recognize that the feminism in sjm's books is fairly basic, so maybe that's to blame, but it's unfortunate the fandom can't take a more intersectional approach

Anon, I totally agree. Have you read @gimme-mor's posts about this? She did a great job of outlining some of the issues with the ways people talk about female characters in the fandom, and the surface-level feminism that is used in this post and in this one.

It makes sense that the fandom would engage with discussions of privilege and gender (and race and class etc.) on a rather surface level, since, as you pointed out, the flavor of feminism that is featured in the series is very focused on gender and rarely takes other identities, marginalized or otherwise, into account. It's #girlpower with no thought about individual differences that those women might be experiencing that actually have a huge impact on what "choices" each of them can make.

With Lucien, there is also the issue of his disability, but it's quite easy to dismiss him as a villain when all people are looking at is his maleness. It's not as simple as "woman = good" and "man = bad", but that's how people act.

The fact is, none of these characters have a choice because they aren't real people, as you also pointed out. There is no such thing as supporting a fictional person's rights because those rights literally don't exist. They do not have agency or autonomy or.... literal fucking existence in the real world, and so it's absolute malarkey to act like we need to be respectful of a fictional character, and to bully and shit on a real person in doing so.

I remember when I said that Elain is privileged it pissed some people off, but I think that also comes down to a misunderstanding of what privilege actually is, hand-in-hand with this Feminism Lite. There are a lot of great potential conversations to be had about these characters and the world they live in and how they interact with one another, the ways in which they are limited or have access to power, but it's kinda hard when people are more concerned about being right in the ship war.

[lovecolibri]

Honestly I think 911’s biggest weakness is a lack of planning. We already know that their original plans for S5 fell through, resulting in BT being drawn out because Megan was available. Which, good for her, get that bag sis. Would love to know what the original plan was, but I know I never will.

And they also couldn’t have been more clearly setting something up with Ravi and his childhood cancer storyline. But for one reason or another they failed to get Anirudh under contract. Why? Who knows. Maybe they took for granted that he’d be available next year so they didn’t make it worth his commitment, which is silly with such a handsome, talented, and likable actor. He’s off to bigger and better things, and again good for him get that bag! Or maybe it’s more complicated than that and again we’ll never know.

In any case they had to drop that thread and chose to go with ignoring him entirely and hoping the audience would just forget, which to be fair has worked with some of their fuckups in the past, but not this time, guess they underestimated just how much people liked him, so they had to come up with some last-second off screen excuse for why he literally disappeared and no one even mentioned his name again. Not to mention writing Chimney off because JLH was on leave. Baffling decision making, honestly.

And anyway they don’t seem to be very good at making Plan A happen, and when it doesn’t instead of having a solid Plan B or C, they scramble and the story suffers. Then add in admitted problems with pacing and filling time and the story stops working because the tension is lost and the payoff fizzles out. Their very own metaphorical structural defects being ignored, bound to come crashing down eventually. You know that old adage about failing to plan is planning to fail. It’s true!

This is BEYOND old but like, so appropriate for right now! I honesty don't think they NEEDED to pad out time with Tay Kay because they have SUCH a large main cast, but that would require KR to care about something other than what is going on in Buck's pants and any given moment, and because SHE wanted BT, we got BT despite it making no sense to have even brought her character back in s4. What did she even do that no one else could have done? Getting *some* possible inside info in Treasure Hunt and the *getting the story on the news* bit in First Responders is the only thing I can think of, and honestly they easily could have figured out a different way. But the show cannot seem to have Buck or Eddie in a relationship without the other then seeking out one too because otherwise they don't really have anything to do when they can't be involved in their normal family unit. Which is dumb, because they could work on Eddie's friendships and relationships with other cast and same with Buck in letting them be involved in other storylines, but apparently good looking men have no other purpose but to seek out a woman to complete their family I guess, and god forbid they be allowed around each other if one of them is dating. 😒

(also why I'm very 😒😒😒 about them getting other LIs. I remember Buck not being allowed to talk to anyone but Tay Kay while trapped in his loft for 98% of s5. I hate the idea of losing out on not just romantic Buddie, but their whole friendship and the Buckley-Diaz family unit. Eddie isn't going to need Buck to bake cookies with Chris if he has a GF to do it. Buck isn't going to need to cook for Eddie and Chris and help Chris with his homework if he's busy going out with his GF. There is SO much more we lose out on when those two are pared up with other women than just romantic Buddie and regardless if these women stick around long term, I'm tired and don't want to watch MORE wasted time, and more important talks they COULD be having with each other or their chosen family members going to random characters I don't know or care about. 🤷🏻‍♀️)

As for Ravi, I'm SO happy we clamored loud enough to get him back, and also good for him for picking up other jobs when KR sidelined him and gave all his moments to L instead. You go King! But they've known he was going to be back for ages so the fact they have STILL not mentioned him in s6 until he's randomly back on screen is just a) poor planning, pacing, and things happening off screen that KR thinks is fine to mention in interviews instead of actually on the show people are watching, and b) feels very vindictive because everyone loved him and hated her little self-insert character. But whatever, he's back now and I'm very excited to see him again!

But for REAL, they need to get KR out of the showrunner chair. The pacing and arcs and whole entire show has suffered enough that even the GA is tired of cyclical plots and characters going nowhere just repeating the same storylines over again, and with the show not having the depth and feeling it used to have. When even the casual viewers are picking up on and calling out things like Buck and Eddie's friendship being sidelined, or Madney stuff happening off screen, you KNOW it's bad. Also, regardless of demo (which doesn't matter as much anymore with them not getting ad revenue as much, thanks T for pointing that out!) the number of viewers has dropped DRAMATICALLY. And at some point the network cannot justify spending that kind of money on a show that isn't bringing in the money OR accolades. (like LS getting notice and awards for it's representation and diversity for example).

[septembersghost]

Jess, hey, darling. I'm sorry I still haven't replied to your message (please forgive me), just something quick I wanted to say. I wish I could give you a hug and I'm sorry for the struggles you're going through. I hardly know anything and staying away from all the drama but I KNOW how important it is to have your safe, comfort place, and when it gets taken away it can feel crushing and very painful. I think I understand why you're missing Dean. There was a time in my life when I THOUGHT I'd recovered, but then some painful, or confusing/disorienting, or otherwise overwhelming situation hit and I'd start missing him like crazy, because I needed comfort and rest and I tried to reconnect. We need our safe place and our comfort characters when we are in pain, when we are tired, when the world isn't making sense anymore. It's not something I talked about, but recently I had a series of anxiety attacks and crying fits at night, and on Friday night during one of those I also accidentally flipped over a cup of scalding water over my hand. What helped me with the pain and helped me fall asleep was… listening to my comfort character's voice. Didn't even matter what he was saying, it was just simply hearing his voice and imagining he's there (thank god it's a podcast and he can talk for hours.) I'm doing a lot better now, but I remembered how I used to do the same thing with Dean. There was once a whole audio file I made which was literally just him talking, it lasted like an hour and a half and consisted of hundreds tiny moments which I collected throughout the show. Sadly, it's gone now, but there was a time it used to help. What I want to say, things like this ARE important and your connection to your faves IS important and valuable, it's totally okay to miss them, it's okay to love them and to need them, it's okay to wish they were here right now. I understand your pain, I wish I knew how to help. But no matter what, he'd always be there for you, because that's what comfort characters do: they're here for us. Always, as long as we need them. And nothing can take that away. And no matter what, I hope you can find solace and comfort and a bit of peace. I'm giving you a hug but I'm ALSO encouraging you to imagine that Dean is giving you a hug, because he absolutely would and because he'll always be there for you.

hi Ellie my dearheart!!! 💕 please don't apologize, considering i still have the message from you, on one of my favorite topics!, that i intended to answer within a week and now TWO MONTHS have passed! the amount of times i've gone to reply to it properly and instead *waves hand around* there are constant happenings and situations. 😭 i NEED to get to it because it will make me happy to focus on tbh!

there's a bemusing irony to the fact that i proclaimed i was doing #better in regards to dean and other various sadnesses, and then the moment an entirely different pillar got kicked out from under me, the hurt came rushing back in. i've been playing a bit of a (useless, i know) blame game with myself, like, this is somehow my fault for being overly invested or caring as deeply as i do or relying on art for my escape and joy, but it's difficult because it's the primary thing i have. and dean is the constant, the longest lasting source of comfort of all of them, so at any point when anything else has been painful or confusing, the needle of my heart's compass spins back to him. except i'd intentionally been trying to rely on that less due to the existing wound of it, which means over the past week, there's been this weight of the absence, which lead to that feeling of missing him terribly.

I KNOW how important it is to have your safe, comfort place, and when it gets taken away it can feel crushing and very painful. I think I understand why you're missing Dean. There was a time in my life when I THOUGHT I'd recovered, but then some painful, or confusing/disorienting, or otherwise overwhelming situation hit and I'd start missing him like crazy, because I needed comfort and rest and I tried to reconnect. We need our safe place and our comfort characters when we are in pain, when we are tired, when the world isn't making sense anymore. this is it exactly, and i can't express my gratitude for your kindness and for the sense of understanding you share in this. those safe spaces and comforts and lights through the darkness ARE profoundly valuable and we carry them with us, and it hurts when any of that feels stolen or diminished. it makes you just want the soul of it back.

*hugs you tight* i am so sorry you've been struggling with anxiety and tears (i understand, i have NOT been able to stop crying at the most unexpected moments lately. i wept over my dog this past weekend and she's been gone for years. it's like every ache i have is a raw nerve at the surface. anxiety makes you feel more fragile too). the scalding water omg honey :((( i'm glad you're okay! and i'm happy your comfort character was there for you and helped carry you through it. you deserve to feel safe and held, and that very much exists within the characters we love and the stories we call home and the art/music that resonates within us.

What I want to say, things like this ARE important and your connection to your faves IS important and valuable, it's totally okay to miss them, it's okay to love them and to need them, it's okay to wish they were here right now. thank you very much for this reminder and for understanding this, i really do believe this is true. our faves impact us and are important and loved for a reason. just sending me this helps, truly.

I'm giving you a hug but I'm ALSO encouraging you to imagine that Dean is giving you a hug, because he absolutely would and because he'll always be there for you. 🥺 this message is beautiful and now i'm crying at it, but only for warm reasons! he's always shown up in some way to remind me of this (and still did in a way this morning!), so i KNOW he's right here and remains with me no matter what and that the span of that time and amount of that love is always real and always alive and exists right in my heart, and if it didn't, i wouldn't also experience that pain of missing him along with it. the ache itself is a sign of how strongly that love remains. thank you for the hugs and for listening and for being here for me, and for reminding me he's here at every moment too. you are such a wonder and i love you. 💖💖💖

[thaliaoftheastralclocktower]

Daily Poem 4/5

didn't post yesterday because it ended up being too personal and I was too tired to come up with something new, so here's something extra long to make up for it.

Athena sees her own eyes the eyes of the creating self She tries remember from where she came The memories are not her own The Elder does not respond at first, is awstruck by his own creation Not a monster so he hopes, But daily dreams made manifest.

Finally he does address, "How do you feel?" physician's reflex "Dizzy," comes answer hesistant, "but fine" the virgin voice first whisper "That is good..." the Elder ponders, considerations melancholia. They both know what will now come next, It was intended from the start.

"Do you reckon they'll understand?" Athena always knew the answer. "If they would they would be here, Or at least send their regards." "Of course, I did not expect otherwise, At least there won't be audience." "Now that is calming me indeed, never thought this ought to be the most public of affairs."

"How shall we proceed from here?" Athena asked her Elder, "Do we continue with the plan, or did your mind change, that I'm here?" "No no, that would defeat the purpose, let us continue as agreed." "You speak as if there was a second voice, is my mind not your own?"

"It always felt as if lived twofold, a secret truth, deceiving spell maybe you feel it, I don't know, an echo of the pain we share`?" "I do indeed, there is a tension, the urge to drag me back to habit, to act as if I was a brother, and not their sister never seen."

"I see" the elder raised his brow, "Now that is quite peculiar. I hope the habit will not linger, else what has been the point of this?" "I hope so too, I feel it lessen, as we speak my body wakens. As my senses come to me, I reckon changes plentyfull."

And as the mind became aware, of soma long desired, Athena did break out in tears, as joy welled up inside her A tension carried all her years, had suddenly subsided, and every moment brought more joy, the sense to be inside her

The Elder was in tears now too, for reasons same and many. He guessed what happened here right now, and mourned that he could merely watch. "We did it, did we?" he finally said, his voice a whisper among the tears, "Yes, we did." Athena answered, A smile was the first to mark a face that never moved before.

The elder now was slumped in seat, eyes closed head bowed and fingers drenched and so he cried until a hand, he sensed upon his shoulder. "There there" Athena muttered quiet, she knew the pain that he now beared. "Now I can live for us anew, A chance for joy unbound and true."

At these words he did lift his head, thought he could bear to meet her gaze, but as he saw her sparkling hope, he could not so and sank again Into mind's own oblivion. He new this state just all too well, a shield against that he could not witness full intensity.

He felt the anger rise again, the pain that still had never ceased, that he had carried all his live, that brought him to this moment here. When his eyes did meet hers again, his gaze was full of hatred, Not of her or of himself, but for the life denied by chance.

"Let's bring this to a close" he said, stood up and went in hateful haste returning with the iron which, he knew she knew just how to weild, Munition ready he offers it, to hands that he desires, but rather than to take the gun, Athena's arms embrace him.

"Thank you for what you did endure, for holding on till my creation. Everyone deserves to live, yet you survived dissociation. Now finally this right reclaimed and I will hold it precious. I love you, even if you hate yourself, for courage is what brought us here."

A moment passes, the elder sighs, releases tension one more time. Just now he reckons senses her, her physical design. He stands there in her warm embrace, can feel her heart and breathing, "You're beautiful" he feels her smile, "We always were, now realised."

Now finally he can stand back, and meet her gaze wiith poise and grace. Just for a moment he considers, but shakes of the intrusive thought. Athena deserves dignity, and he an ending full of pride. Athena knows her owns mind, and smiles mild, understands.

She walks off to a nearby table, clothing lies there just for her, to feel the shape fit to her own, long has she wished this be true. A mirror stands there for this moment, A joyful scream is its reward. A simple joy, yet never felt. May many like it follow suit.

Finally she's fully dressed, ready for what has to follow. Once again she takes her gun and comes to where the elder waits. A pain has settled in his face, a pain she knows from memory. Long this moment was delayed, Athena knows, with her it's here.

"Good bye my elder, may you find rest. I hope my hope will bring you solace." "It should, and yet all I can feel, is envy, dread and sorrow. I hope you live, find happyness, lest all this was for naught. I know you cannot promise this, but please give me your word."

"I promise you that I will live, live like you always dreamed. To live as our one true self, in pleasure ease and bliss. I promise you that I'll find love, and friends that know me well, to dress and sing and dance each day, to my heart's own content."

And with this promise he could rest, no more that could be done. A barrel lifted to his head, like many times before. He sighed, for work was finally done and did not feel the end. Athena now goes forth in haste, to see what will await.

This is inspired by an original WIP that has been in the works for a couple of years now. I do not intend to write all of it as poetry, but for this scene it felt appropriate.

[the1975attheirverybest]

I need your advice! So I will be attending the show at the EU in march. I ran a fanpage too. Last time I went to see the boys it went terribly for me. Because I had a lot of stress and till the very end I wasn't sure if I was coming, I had a fight with my mum literally right before the show. At the concert I was to distracted by the people around who were trying so socialize and I was too focused on recording. Also was watching way too many content my head was full I couldn't really enjoy it. I'm sorry for this long message. This time I want to make sure I do everything I can to make sure I will be able to fully enjoy it. Im thinking about reducing the amount of time I will watch all the content from tour, I want my head to be fresh, not overstimulated with all the video's but at the same time I do really really wanna watch them haha. So i have a problem. I don't know what to do I don't want to ruin it for myself again. I tend to care to much about keeping up and I am tired then

Hi babe. I remember you!! We talked about your show afterwards right? I’m so so glad you get to go this time omg 💗🥹🥹

Some of my friends who went with me deliberately didn’t watch anything. Like, they knew about Peanut / be my mistake on b-stage and stuff cuz it’s impossible not to see some stuff online, but they avoided as much information as possible on purpose. They didn’t even look at the setlist cuz they wanted to be surprised. Which worked out well for them I think!

On the other hand, I literally keep up with every little thing and watch TikTok’s as soon as they drop and if there is anything new that happens or if Matty gives a speech or says something different onstage, I analyze and discuss it to death on here HAHA. And I still felt blown away at the shows cuz nothing ever compares to like seeing them in the flesh. In person. With your own eyeballs.

You could like post something on your page and say that you’ll be on less frequently until after your show, if you really feel like limiting content? Maybe mute some pages that post frequent updates? For me, though, seeing the content too much isn’t a problem because it’s not about the freshness or novelty. Like I would literally go to the same show a million times if I could. It’s meaningful and brings me joy and I don’t mind knowing about it before going into the experience. It’s still gonna feel special and great no matter what. Otherwise, a year and a half into this tour, we wouldn’t all be here, right?

My advice would be that if you wanna change something, maybe try not to record as much? If you’re going with someone, especially if they’re coming with you as a friend or family member, maybe ask them to record for you? I put my phone away almost completely at the Baltimore show. Like I took maybe 3 pics at the very beginning when they walked out and that’s it. The entire show I was just focused on the stage and that helped a lot. I tend to be a socially anxious kind of person. I was worried about the shows that I went to by myself. But honestly everyone is so nice and kind. If you don’t wanna be spoken to, you can just not engage, and they’ll leave you alone. But if you’d like to make friends and stuff, you can talk to people. Especially during the opening act or in between the opener and the boys coming onstage. But I don’t think anyone would fault you if you didn’t want to socialize during the show. After all, you paid money to see the boys, not just hang out. Everyone is a big fan so they’ll understand!

I hope this makes sense. PLEASE COME BACK AND TELL US ALL ABOUT YOUR SHOW AFTERWARDS!

[beckleysbooks]

Another November - Another Election

Yesterday, voters in Ohio, as well as Kentucky and Virginia were in the national spotlight. I personally witnessed the "pro-life", basically the religious right (Republican Party) carry out an old-fashioned "ground assault" in Ohio with a myriad of "Vote No!" yard signs appearing in nearly every neighbourhood in which I traveled. I knew this election was going to be an especially heated one; one fought over what rights women would have with regards to their inherent rights to their bodies and an abortion. I address quite thoroughly in my book, "Oh! Susannah", how women of the 19th century worked through this issue. Check out the chapter, "The Birth Control Battlefield".

Catching up with my long-time friend in Columbus back in September, we talked a bit of politics, as we usually do and have, since our first acquaintance as students at Akron University. We were both political science majors. John pursued his political career, even became a County Party Chairman, while I left the country for the pursuits of all that New Zealand offered. John was explaining how this being an "off year" or odd-numbered year, all of the local candidates and issues are on the ballot. He was expressing his concern for those voters, who feeling overwhelmed with so many ballot issues to decide upon, would simply tire and either quit voting or just vote "no" on the balance of the measures up for decision/renewal.

Back in the 19th century, it was far easier on election day. A voter ussually decided upon which party he was supporting, and the decision making was over. And, yes, I purposely used the pronoun "he" because women like my 3rd great grandmother, Susannah Reigle Beckley, would not have even considered voting. Women were second class citizens. However, by the end of the 19th century, suffragettes were making great strides in changing the attitudes of the American populace in regards to women being given the right to vote. And for those who may not know, New Zealand was one of the very first countries to grant their women the right to cast a ballot in 1893. The United States finally got on board with the rest of the world, 27 years later, when the 19th amendment to the constitution was passed in 1920.

As I mention in my historical fiction, "Oh! Susannah", politics back in the 19th century was a very heated and spiritedly debated topic of conversation. Local newspapers were supported or otherwise "propped up" by party money and the individual editors spared no type in sparring with their counterpart editors, which in turn, spurred their partisan readers on. My research reveals that in rural Ohio back in the 19th century, your party affiliation determined which newspaper you subscribed to. And as a matter of interest, I'm currently scouring through over 30 thousand images of these old newspapers as part of my research for my next book.

I remember back in the 70's and 80's how important a newspaper endorsement would be to a political candidate. I personally witnessed long lines of people during this time waiting to vote and many of them clutching a newspaper's list of endorsed candidates. Come to think of it, when was the last time you physically held a newspaper - of any kind - in your hands to read? Everything is online these days, right? And the simple days of clipping a list of endorsed candidates from a trusted source, may never return.

However, the act of voting, even if it means wading through pages and pages of local issues, is as relevant and important today as ever before. Has the thought, "What would life look like, if we did not live in a democratic republic?" ever cross your mind? Personally, I believe that there are elected officials at present who seem hell bent on destroying our democratic framework and even more scary, are the number of people who support them! Are these folks fully informed? duped? or otherwise desiring destruction for the sake of change? I'm ever hopeful that common sense will prevail, all our voices heard, and debated; weighed up for what's best for the general good of all of us.

Not that much thought went into a voter's decision in the 1800's. Today we seriously have more responsibility on our collective shoulders, but as will be addressed in my sequel novel, partisan politics were no less heated.

May I encourage you to continue to engage in the public discourse and actively support those representatives of ours who most closely reflect our vision and values and similarly, may you continue to support your local authors. I have been a most humble benefactor of this support, and if you would like to either purchase my books or keep up with my latest endeavors, visit www.beckleysbooks.com