#I'm tired of people refusing to understand him and then start debates over him when they know nothing.

[bookwormangie]

Understanding Snape and his character

I've been knee-deep in the Snape debate lately, and I’ve got some thoughts I need to lay out. Snape undeniably did some awful things as an adult, and he’s aware of that—he holds himself accountable and we should too. But his story isn’t just a straightforward tale of good versus evil.

Thinking about Snape, especially after diving into his memories in Deathly Hallows, it’s evident he was trying to make up for his past. When Snape begged Dumbledore to protect Lily and the Potters, it wasn't just a plea for safety—it was a glimpse into his desire for redemption and his need to atone because he knew he fucked up by relaying the prophecy. Dumbledore saw potential in him, not just as a spy, but as someone capable of change and redemption. Lily, the person he loves, being in danger and later dying, saved Snape and forced him to change. She was the catalyst for Snape's redemption arc and that's literally the whole point.

Then there’s Snape’s upbringing—a life marred by abuse at home and relentless bullying at school. That kind of trauma leaves deep scars; it molded Snape into a bitter and vindictive person. I can’t help but sympathize with him. He wasn’t born an asshole; circumstances shaped him that way. His journey from an abused home life to a bullied youth, to a Death Eater, and eventually to an antihero is a stark reminder of the complexities of human nature. It frustrates me to no end that people shower sympathy on abused characters like Harry, who turned out kind, yet refuse to extend the same empathy to Snape, who emerged bitter and vindictive—something so painfully realistic. Their situations were fundamentally different; Harry had a whole support system and was rich as fuck, but Snape had none and was living in poverty. Comparing them is unfair and misses the point entirely.

So when I see debates reducing Snape to a mere villain or hero, good or evil, I can’t help but feel we’re oversimplifying a deeply layered character. You can dislike Snape all you want, but painting him out to be something he's not, simplifying his character, and completely shitting on him is such an insult and a wrong interpretation of who he truly is. Snape’s morally grey journey through darkness and redemption is a testament to human struggle and growth. To truly understand Snape is to grasp his tumultuous path and his relentless quest to reconcile his actions with his conscience—a journey that resonates with the complexities of real life.

[darrowsrising]

Can we talk about how smart Darrow is

I'm tired of people thinking that he's really stupid or a himbo when he's so emotionally intelligent and a great strategist, yeah, he's not a genius like Adrius or Virginia or a faux intellectual like Roque but he doesn't need to, his survival depends mostly on his street smarts

he can be oblivious and make silly mistakes but people sometimes take him too seriously when he plays dumb when he needs it to excuse his awkward behavior and intentions.He manipulated Adrius at the institute, manipulated the sovereign and Nero, Virginia had to take a step back to reevaluate how she sees him twice in RR and GS and she agreed with him in Iron gold 😭 this woman wouldn't marry a dumbass

THIS WOMAN WOULDN'T MARRY A DUMBASS.

Unless she was going to kill the dumbass and send his head in a box back to his family 🤭🤭🤭.

Darrow is extremely smart and one of the best strategists. The reason Atalantia even got as far as tricking Darrow is because of Atlas and his decades of experience at war in the Kuiper Belt.

People are severely biased about intelligence in the Red Rising characters. Darrow is somehow dumb and stupid for trusting certain characters, but when he tells others not to trust their ENEMIES, he's either buying his own myth or he is throwing a tantrum. This is what you get when you take things at face value and refuse to use braincells.

Benefit of the doubt expired decades ago in this infernal war. The fact that we have to deal with these idiocies and have Darrow suffer the consequences - not only of his actions, which I would understand - but everyone else's too, is frustrating af.

People were genuinely surprised that Darrow figured out Atlas was behind the massacres in the Rim. I mean...are you for real? Have we read the same book?

Of course he is the only one to figure it out. Of course he knows politics, of course he keeps Virginia's addresses to the Republic on his dataPad, of course he studied her works since she began publishing. Of course hw can keep up with Articifers and Engeneers, Pilots and mathematicians. Of course he actually enjoyed reading absorbing the forbidden works. Of course he is emotionally intelligent and extremely self-aware. Of course he has changed over the years via self-questioning and gathering more info.

I am putting a keep reading here, to compact it a little.

I don't understand how we are debating this. He is stubborn about seeing the good in people - so when he tells you someone is beyond trusting, he is not the dumb one when you don't listen - and equally stubborn about his purpose - which is understandable. Neither of those make him stupid, but yes, they can be flaws - they are in certain situation just like they are qualities in others .

Speaking of understandable, how is it understandable when other characters do dumb, idiotic and/or vile shit in general or against Darrow, but when Darrow is having problems, he is called all kinds of names?

You see, people don't abandon people they love, they abandon people they are done using. And I am tired of the arguments that everyone's motives in hurting Darrow are right 'from their perspective'. Everyone is a hero in their own story, the difference is, Darrow is perfectly aware from the start that he he is not one - he is hyper conscious of his deeds and it kills him to have to do what it takes.

He never called himself a hero of his people. Somehow people can graps the fact that Darrow can do ruthless things to achieve a goal that is morally correct, but they cannot grasp that a character can justify their choices as morally correct based on their circumstances, but that doesn't make it correct.

Darrow knows what he is doing is not heroic or exactly in tune with his own moral compass, he does it anyway when he has to. His circumstances leave him leeway to do it, because things are THAT dark. However, not every character is that self-aware. They can justify themselves and people can gobble it up, but it still doesn't make it right.

And while it can be for far less heinous crimes like certain behaviours or treatment of people around them, just because a character acts a way that makes sense for who they are and they can justify it, it's not automatically good.

Just because it's not that bad of a thing from a character's perspective, doesn't mean it's not objectively bad. Regardless on the amount of info they operate with. Somehow Darrow can be blamed for acting upon little info, but no one else, just Darrow.

Yes, Darrow is very unaware of things happening around him - like relationships, but he got better at it with age. He also finds it surprising to find out people are in love with him - he has a one-track mind called Mustang's Bitch. That doesn't make him a himbo in the least.

More than that, he does make mistakes in his decisions as ArchImperator or leader in general. He is too instransigent/harsh about his goals and wants to take it upon himself as to not drag his loved ones with him. And it's tragic and lonesome and a hell of a flaw. Hopefully he got better at dealing with it. But all that makes him human. Not dumb.

I get that everyone seems smarter between Cassius and Diomedes - sorry, but...LB established these two are extremely dumb - but I still consider debating Darrow's intelligence is absurd af even then.

So yeah, love talking to you 💖🐺💖🐺💖🐺

Edit: I wanted to add that Darrow does not take himself too seriously while still being naturally dramatic and that is also very intelligent of him.

[dragonmasterhiccup]

She did as asked, hesitantly looking him they eyes, and she let him speak without interruption.

She was utterly disgusted, at Grimmel, for doing what he did, but… also with Hiccup.

In the end, none of this was her fault; she was the one who was kidnapped, the one who was drugged and manipulated, the one who was forced to kill those people, destroy those buildings, she was forced, by Grimmel, this was him.

And yet she needed consequences?

She was innocent.

Hiccup was only doing this to save his reputation, he had not a care in the world for her.

The disgust bubbled to her chest, mixing with a new found anger that then crawled to her throat.

“Firstly,” she mocked, “You aren’t glad to have me back, because now you have to deal with all these problems that apparently involve me. I’m truly sorry that I’m burdening you, but I was forcefully brought back to by Berk, by you, you could have easily left me for dead, that was your decision.”

She glared at him. “What if it had been Astrid, hm? Or Mom? Or any of the other dragon riders? Would they need ‘consequences?’ Of course they wouldn’t. And yes, that is your fault, killing Grimmel. You put me in this position, because you were selfish and you weren’t thinking about anyone else but yourself, and escaping.”

“I’m not speaking to the council,” she decided, trying to hide the waver in her voice. “The only consequence that I want is execution, done by you. I want you to kill me. Make it public while you’re at it. I’m not getting locked up again, I refuse, and I’m also not working for you against my will, because that’s enslavement, making an innocent person work forcefully. So you either kill me, or you let me go, those are your options.”

Her head was starting to hurt, and she was still tired, but by the Gods, she was enraged.

(Feel like she has a right to be angry though, not gonna lie. Also, we’ll still do that plot point, don’t worry! I just feel like Danny acting like this is justified for a bit.)

As she berated him, he realized just how badly he'd handled this.

Once she finished, he held his hands up, leaning forward in his chair.

"Wait, wait, please, I, I need you to understand...I'm not blaming you, for any of this. None of this is your fault!"

It was just like how the alpha dragon used Toothless, he knew that. But his emotions were getting the best of him, and his voice reflected the turmoil he felt inside.

"I'm not blaming you for what I did to Grimmel. That was my choice. Bringing you home? My choice as well. I...I couldn't leave you there... when I planned my escape, I always planned on taking you with me, there was no debating that. Do you know why I did it? Because he was going to kill you and kill Toothless, no matter what I did!"

"You pointed out that it could have been anyone? That's exactly what I want the council to see! They were able to see that Toothless had no control over what happened to my dad, I thought, if we worked together, they could see it was the same for you."

"For the love of Thor Danny, why does it always come to this? I'm human! I'm going to make mistakes! Obviously, the way I started this conversation was a big one, but after everything we've been through, you should know me well enough by now to know," and here, his voice broke, the anger and frustration melting into hurt, "that the last thing I'd ever want is for you or anyone else I care about to suffer."

[depressedhatakekakashi]

I'm really late and I apologize if you are already tired of talking about this, you don't need to answer but I would like to know your opinion on this questions I have, the first time Kakashi told Sasuke to give up on revenge, is he telling him to forget everything? to stop looking for Itachi?, does he want him to learn to forget and move forward?. I ask because one of the anons brought up the topic today and I want to clear this doubt once and for all, since with each debate I get more dizzy. I just want to understand what Kakashi means by that, because I took it as a calm scene but I'm surprised that so many people hate the characters involved (depending on the side you take) because of that scene

Kakashi was not telling Sasuke to forget about everything, or even to forget about Itachi.

If Kakashi legit believed Revenge was 100% bad all the time he would not have

Gone with Shikamaru, Ino and Choji to avenge Asuma’s death.

Waited almost a year to sit Sasuke down and tell him to ‘forget about revenge’

Kakashi see’s revenge eating at Sasuke and destroying everything he has gained. All the bonds he has bleeding away or being cut right off by sasuke because revenge is so important it overshadow’s everything

When Sasuke turned his anger to Naruto and fought him using a jutsu that Kakashi taught him, which is a jutsu that 9/10 times is used to KILL, Revenge no longer just became something Sasuke wanted

It was his only goal and he was willing to destroy everything to achieve it.

Sasuke at the formation of Team Seven wanted revenge but was still aboe to build healthy bonds, seek bonds, and work with other’s. He was not trying to distance himself and sever every bond.

Before he saw his brother again Sasuke

Was the first of team seven to reach out a hand and try to work as a team.

Refused to run away when Kakashi was captured in a water prison and worked out a plan (wordlessly might i add) with Naruto to get his Sensei free

Fought to protect his friends against Orochimaru and Gaara

Jumped in front of an attack meant for Naruto and risked dying without achieving revenge to keep his friend safe

After he met Itachi again and was defeated in .5 seconds revenge became his only focus and he was willing to cut through the friends he had made to achieve it.

The biggest difference is Sasuke before he was Itachi again was looked at Naruto and said he wanted to fight him (during the chunin exams) as a friendly challenge. After he saw Itachi he woke up, looked at Baruto, and said he wanted to fight with anger and a bit of resentment. He especially showed resentment at Naruto’s growth with the rasangan when he saw what it did to the water tower.

Sasuke went from supportive teammate to being so obsessed with strength and his revenge that he was willing to hit Naruto with an attack that could 100% kill and he knows it can.

Kakashi put his foot down when it became apparent that Sasuke’s revenge was eating away at him and destroying the kid who was making friends and bonding.

Sasuke was starting to find some small amount of healing and suddenly that was stripped away and he wanted to achieve revenge at any cost (including going to Orochimaru fully knowing they just wanted to take over his body)

Kakashi isn’t saying ‘forget everything’ he’s trying to pull Sasuke back so he doesn’t destroy himself in desperation to achieve his revenge.

He wants to save Sasuke from the path he see’s him going down (he is unfortunately not in a position to do that mostly due to outside forces (Orochimaru and Itachi mostly) but also to his own restrictions as a character) and realizes to do that Sasuke needs to let go if the revenge he seeks.

That’s not saying ‘forget the ones you lost’

Or even ‘forget you pain’

But to set revenge aside for his own good. To put it aside so it is no longer his only focus and remember that there is more than what we have lost in our lifetimes. Living in the past only hurts (Kakashi knows this from his own inability to move past what he has lost and his own perceived mistakes) and destroys you slowly.

[husbandohunter]

Moments of Despair #1 [Genshin Impact/Diluc x Reader]

Synopsis: “The man who was on fire and realized it too late.”

(A series of works where the boys deal with the passing of their beloved).

Albedo's despair

Warnings: angst, tragedy, major character death, graphic depictions of violence perhaps

(A/n): Had these ideas for a while after reading @/serensama To Mourn series of another fandom. So much sorrow and feeling I just was inspired to write 😫

_______________________________________________

The moment you fell lifeless in Diluc's arms, he wanted to disappear.

It was raining again, he had always despised the rain. How it trickles down the slope of your cheek, like tears falling from the heavens. The sight of it mixing with your blood creating a thin stream of red rivers flowing beside him. They patter down obnoxiously because time didn't care, the gods don't care, the world didn't care. You were just a small fragile person to their eyes but to him you were his light. A candle that used to shine in his dark world was now dissipitated by the waters of reality.

Many droplets have passed and he was still holding you. Diluc could do nothing but stare. He hadn't shed any tears nor could he make a coherent sound. Perhaps it was because his tears have long run out when his father was held in the very same way. Or it was because he was heartless. He's usually told for being cold and indifferent. But the pain clenching in his chest was proof that he still had one (proof that it was still beating), much to his dismay. It would be better if he didn't.

So why can't he just look away? Your wounds, your bruised features, everything now etched so deep into the back of his conciousness that is was starting to awaken his worst nightmares. They were the source of the bile growing in his stomach. The irony stench filling up his nostrils felt so sickening. He couldn't turn away. You're dead. You're dead. You're dead. As if reality had yet to register, or maybe he refused to accept it, Diluc helplessly gazed down your body with blank and empty eyes.

"Master Diluc..."

Jean's voice called out to him pitifully. He rises up with his back turned, ignoring the stares given to him, "Leave. The knights of favonius are not needed here."

"But she's a Mondstadt citizen," The anemo user retorts, slightly taken aback by his impassive reaction, "It's my responsibility to ensure this case doesn't go unnoticed."

Unnoticed. Diluc scoffs in his mind, what a tasteless joke.

"It seems you weren't listening," he announces as his head was turned ajar so they could see the deep hatred glowing red in his eyes, "Leave. Now."

Jean's lips trembled before barely being able to say, "Alright" and retreating her knights back to the city. Kaeya narrows his gaze at his bother, the sorrow was evident through his pupils. He steps forward until he was arms length away from his brother. Too little too late, another failure was added to the belt.

Kaeya was a man of many words but for once he was at loss of what to say. No underhanded suggestions, no ideas taunting him to spill his thoughts, he simply asks Diluc, "What are you planning to do now?"

Silence. Kaeya couldn't predict what sort of expression his brother was making as he looks at your corpse. It brought a heavy weight of unsettlement upon him and here he thought he had already grown used to his brother's quietness.

Slowly, he turns around while letting the water pour down his face. Kaeya tightens his jaw as Diluc drags his feet towards him, stopping when their shoulders were parallel, "It's none of your concern."

"You're just going to leave her here?"

There was a slight pause which was enough of an answer. The Cavalry Captain sighs when he watched him walk away, what was the point of asking when Kaeya knew Diluc so well? He glances at your form before swiftly shutting his eyes.

It was his concern.

-------

A week later, the staff of the Ragnvindr household could hardly recognize their Master's appearance. They knew not to bother him when he decides to lock himself in his chambers. Diluc drowns himself with work from hours to no end as he connects the findings of the person that took your life. As expected, it was one of his enemies- a fatui member. The question was, which one?

"Master Diluc, I beg of you, please take care of yourself," Elzer pleads.

The pyro user didn't bother to spare him a glance or look at the tray of food he carried.

Food...you always brought them whenever he had to work overtime.

"I do not remember specifiying anyone to be allowed in my office," he voices aloud, "If it's related to business affairs simply leave that with Adelinde and I'll take a look at it tomorrow."

"I understand. But you've been working all day and night yet refusing to take any breaks in between. At this rate, you'll harm your health."

The feather pen in his grip kept dragging it's course, "This is beyond the duties assigned to you Elzer."

"That's because it was a request sent by your father," he adds, knowing that stepping over his boundaries may cost him, "If Master Crepus was still here, I'm sure he would have said the same thing."

Taking a deep breath, Elzer lays out his last card, "And also your wife."

The pen slows into a halt.

No one had brought you up until now. Elzer anxiously watches his Master shifting in his seat, his red bangs covering half of his face but he could still see the frown pressing firmly on his lips. It wouldn't be a surprise if Diluc suddenly bursted at him for mentioning such a sensitive topic, all that matters was his master's well being and Elzer was willing to risk everything for it. But nothing. Diluc turns his attention ever so slightly at the tray he carried.

"Fine, but I'm not eating that."

"What? Wasn't this was her favourite-"

"Do I need to repeat myself?"

Elzer furrows his brows before sighing, "...No, Master Diluc."

He exits the room while carrying the fresh dish of Once Upon A Mondstadt that you loved so much. The door closes with a soft click and he was alone again.

People found it strange how Diluc seemed so vacant to your passing. He didn't even show up at your funeral. Instead, he continues his duties as a Mondstadt nobleman like usual while taking care of business matters associated with the winery. Except those who were close to him could see the difference in his actions. Apathy, he was so mechanical in every task he did. Like a marionette attatched on strings, a doll without a soul. After all, his soul died the moment when yours did too. What remains was a shadow of Diluc and a being existing solely for revenge and duty. He was nothing but a remnant.

Fatigue begins to wash over him and he fights to stay awake. Because once he gives in it will all be over. Once he closes his eyes, he would see your face with a multitude of images from the past. He would hear your voice calling out his name from a distant space as it echoes off the walls of his mind. He would fall into a dream where you were still with him and as always, waking up to see that it was never real.

I should have pushed you away.

Because what hurt Diluc the most wasn't that you were gone, rather, it was how you were still here.

Then you'd still be-

Something breaks and it turned out to be the pen he was holding so tightly. Only now Diluc realized how fast his heart was thrumming as beads of sweat began rolling down his forehead. Focus. Don't waste time. He won't grant himself the liberty of anything when your murderer was still on the run. Every wound they inflicted on you was going to be returned in tenfold. He'll make sure of it. That's why, he refuses to think about you at all. Diluc occupies his mind with other matters since at this point, work was the only efficient method of keeping his sanity in tact.

She needs you to focus.

The door opens and Kaeya enters the room while holding a document, "We found the guy."

His reaction was immediate, "Where?"

"Hm, now that we meet, it's actually quite debateable," The captain notes wryly, "When was the last time you've gotten proper rest?"

"I don't have time for this, either you tell me or I'll do it by force."

Kaeya couldn't help but sigh, "Apologies but you don't seem to be in any state for a fight. I'm sure you know how it would end up if you were to face your enemy right now."

"..."

"Diluc, this isn't healthy," Kaeya asserts, it's been a while since he sounded so sincere, "I'm not here to prevent you from doing what's necessary however, perhaps it would be better if I finished it in your stead."

"No," Diluc stubbornly answers, "Hand that over."

"...Heh, then there's really nothing I can do to stop you it seems," he whispers with a sad smile, "At the very least, be careful."

"I intend to," The pyro user snatches the paper parchment out of Kaeya's hands before opening the window, "Also, if Elzer returns, tell him there's a few errands I have to take care of."

The night was a full moon and the sky was empty, Diluc leaps off the edge and disappears into the darkness. There was no telling of what could happen next. Since you weren't here, it was up to Kaeya to watch over him.

-------

The claymore dropped to the ground with a clang as it soaks up the blood of the fatui he just killed.

Diluc was tired, so tired.

He slumps down against the wall from pure exhaustion, all that adrenaline and hatred went up in fumes, leaving behind whatever was left in his heart: nothing. Two hours, not even that far from Mondstadt, the fatui hid in an abandoned building as he cowarded for his life. When Diluc arrived, he never expected this monster to be so weak. This was the person who murdered you? A pathetic nobody that was simply following orders? This was the reason why he lost you forever?

In the end, the only one to blame was himself, for being weak and unable to protect you. He was supposed to be your hero ("Darknight hero," you'd always tease), the rock that shields you just as you had been the warmth he longed for many years, did he give you enough? Was this enough? He thought avenging your death would grant him a peace of mind and the justice you deserved but deep down, he knew it will never be enough when it comes to his love for you.

"Diluc."

He closes his eyes, he hears your voice. He was so tired, it wouldn't be a surprise if he started hallucinating.

"Diluc."

"I'm sorry..."

The man lets out a trembled breath as he apologized to the image of you in his mind. I'm sorry I failed you. They were repeated like a mantra in hopes to reach you somehow. Of course that was impossible, his feelings, his emotions, love and sorrow altogether will never reach you again. And your arms that once comforted him and brushed his hair with a soothing voice, saying everything will be okay, where are they now?

"Diluc."

"Stop," he didn't want to hear your voice.

"Diluc, I'm here."

"Stop..."

"Diluc..."

He jolts his eyes open and lets out a yell, what was he saying? He doesn't know. All he needed now was to drown out the fake voices mocking in his head. Diluc grabs the nearest object and shatters it against the floor, the dam was broken and it flooded uncontrollably, breaking everything in it's way. The abandoned house was filled with loud cries of a man sobbing with agony like a broken-hearted child. He crumbles to his knees and falls to his side, lifting his forearms while clutching his face.

And screamed.

Archons, what did he do to deserve this? Why do the people he cherish get taken away from him? Diluc never wanted to be the Darknight hero if it meant having his father perish in his arms. He didn't want the feeling of stabs against his chest with every breath he took. He didn't want to feel cold while knowing it was because you weren't here to hold him. He didn't want your voice, your pictures or your memory.

He wanted you.

"(Y/n)..." he chokes. Rolling to his back, Diluc moves his arms to cover his eyes, letting the tears run down to his ears, "(Y/n)..."

For who knows how long, he lays there in the abandoned building and mourns. Diluc doesn't have the strength to move from his position, he found himself staring mindlessly through the cracks of the roof when his voice had gone hoarse. The corners of his eyes still burned and his head was throbbing with so much pain. Maybe he should just stay here but the thought of being in the same room as your murderer was unfathomable.

Picking up his claymore once again, Diluc drags himself out of the door. Where would he go? It's not like he had a home to return to because home was when he was with you. A doll without a soul, the marionette moves as if the strings have commanded him to do so. Where ever it takes him, he didn't care. He just knew he had to go.

[pedrosbrat]

Sorrow You Are My Light {Pero Tovar x Max Phillips x F!Reader}

CHAPTER I : Insomnia

AU - Vampire Hunters

Rating: Mature

Word Count: 4.9k

Warnings: Angst, Nightmares, Language, alcohol, yearning, violence (fight) , mention of murder, sword, blood …

Summary: You and Pero were united by fate in your youth due to a tragic event. You will seek revenge from the creature that caused your common suffering all your life without success... Until you cross paths with Max Philips, forcing you to form an alliance with an enemy to destroy a common foe...

Little Comment : Hi everyone, it’s my first series, I hope you will like it (if you see any mistakes let me know and I will correct it) - 1 chapter will be published every week, every Saturday⚔️ Enjoy!

Series Masterlist

1440- Transylvania

You have been travelling on horseback for a little more than two days now, with a weather changing from very hot to very rainy, and usually it doesn't bother you, at least not really, because Pero has the decency to take breaks, it has always been like that. But for the first time in decades of travelling together, he has refused to take any breaks, because he says you are close to the goal.

You can understand it, and you feel it too, but you would still like to be able to rest, not feeling your legs or even feeling your buttocks... You don't even know if you don't feel them anymore because of the total absence of sensation from sitting on your horse for this long, or if the pain you felt yesterday has taken over and has become a friend, and the only company you feel at this moment.

Because despite his presence, Pero is far too absorbed in the mission. This is nothing new, in fact, he has always been like this, only usually he has the good sense to admit that sleep is important for a good fight, as well as a somewhat adequate physical form...

"If we are attacked by a vampire now Pero I won't be able to fight". You say as you catch up to him slightly at a gallop. "Stop complaining," he says, slightly grumpier than his natural temperament, which is bound to be an effect of lack of sleep. "I'm not complaining, I'm just right! You know very well that the lack of rest will eventually kill us, if it is not the horses that die long before us! You say, slightly annoyed by his behaviour.

He stopped short, and turned to face you, grimacing, probably aching and exhausted, unconsciously proving your point: "If he runs away, he'll kill more people! You seem to forget what this thing is capable of!" "Forget?!" you say, widening your eyes, increasingly annoyed.

Vampires: demonic beings that have occupied the lands of your country since your childhood. At first, in your youth, their presence was only a myth, which some people described as mad swore they had seen, but as time went on, the world realised that it was all real. These decaying beings, who have no chance of finding the light again, their gaze completely absorbed in the darkness, surrounded by veins resembling the shade of smoke enveloping the sky and covering all traces of the sun. They are the shadows that will hide the light of all normal life since your youth... Since that night sixteen years ago...

You know that Pero can be stubborn, but he is not so deeply stubborn that he tries to pretend to anyone who doesn't know him, although he hides it quite well, he is a gentle man and a good man... Except when he really decides otherwise, as he has done for the last forty-eight hours. So you don't try to argue or have a simple debate with him on the subject, because you know very well what he's talking about and you don't want to talk about it... You've already had enough nightmares since you were a child, so you don't need that.

You gallop alone towards the big city, from where you are not so far now, determined to make a big turn, to let your horse rest, and to rest at the same time in a real bed, and not stones under a sheet for a pillow or an old tavern of the village where you were hunting.

It doesn't matter if he follows you or not, you're far too tired and suffering to care at the moment, and being a very good tracker, you know you'll be able to find him if only a few hours separate you from each other, and at least you'll be able to fight effectively if something happens.

⊱•~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ •⊰

The city is not as jovial as it usually is. You don't know why, of course, but there's a sort of silent restlessness that mingles with an almost empty square, leaving a black shadow over all those little houses, like a feeling deep inside you that you can see floating over the city.

"Anything interesting in the sky Paloma?"

You turn, coming out of the thoughts that had completely absorbed you, to find that Pero is at your side, handing you a piece of cheese, which he must have bought at the entrance of the city, and that you grab without hesitation the rumbling belly for any substitute of food... His way of apologizing and telling you that you are right, even if he will never admit it out loud...

Pero will never admit it, but he doesn't like to see you turning your back on him. He likes your presence, even if he doesn't express it, he likes to see you smiling, annoying him, lecturing him. He likes the way you've been waddling around on your horse for the last few days, and he knows it's only because of the pain he's putting you through, and that he shouldn't like to see that, he feels a little bad about it at times.... But you are so beautiful... And that ass, God only knows how many times he's dreamed of it bouncing off him...

"Nothing special, just a bad feeling" you say, taking a bite of the end of your feeble dish, "...I don't really believe in feelings you know, but for once I have to give it to you..." he says, kicking the sides of his horse to start galloping "No we should let the king know we're back, maybe he'll explain what's going on.

You nod and follow him, speeding up in your turn, not missing the crosses on the front of each house, as well as some silver objects in front of the windows, which normally would have been looted by the small thieves of the city, but even they don't seem to want to touch them... You start to understand what is going on but don't go forward, hoping that the bad luck hasn't come to your place of living once again, where you and Tovar have decided to stay for more than two years now.

⊱•~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ •⊰

The throne room which is usually decorated with berries on every table, and bright silk draperies falling from the chandeliers to the ceiling, adorning the sides of the windows are not present, leaving the room in a dullness and sadness that the king and queen usually do not like. But they don't seem to mind, in fact in this room where all the lords are gorging themselves and filling up, they think it is much more agitated than the atmosphere outside. An almost incomprehensible hubbub envelops the room, leaving the king before you, not uttering a word, eyes fixed on you, nodding towards a guard at the back of the room, leading to the inner corridors of the castle, a neutral look on his face, leaving his wife and lords to shout complaints and fears into every ear.

He stands up curtly as the others in the room don't take the decency to stop talking as they usually would, leaving the king to walk out the back door, with you on his heels.

"Where were you?!" He says before you can even close the door to the large hallway, "On the trail of one of them my king" Pero says, bowing his head slightly. "And?" Said the king as he placed his index finger and thumb on his nose, as if trying to relieve a headache. "We had a trail... But we got away from it because of me" you say as you look the king in the eye, not flinching, assuming that a disaster may be looming over the city because of you.

The king doesn't answer and starts pacing in front of you before continuing silently, in a calm and gentle manner that must have always been endowed with "It's nothing... I think you might have guessed it when you returned to the city, but one of them is attacking an area near here..." "And no one was AVAILABLE to stop it?... Dios mío..." says pero a little annoyed that everyone is waiting on you two. "Oh, there were many volunteers... But none came back."

You turn your gaze to Tovar understanding without him actually saying it, what the king is asking you. He nods and you do the same before turning to the king, "Where? Where did you send them?" you say, already beginning to think you're going to regret it, "The Singing Mountain... There was... If you had seen what happened there...".

He couldn't finish his sentence and squinted hard, as if to chase away painful memories buried behind his eyelids. "We've seen it all our lives," Pero said before bowing and walking out to cross the throne room. You do the same, "It will be dark soon, we can't leave now, it would be too dangerous. But at dawn we'll get started. You don't share any contact with him, out of royal respect, and simply turn on your heels to join Pero, already far away, probably thinking of a plan for tomorrow.

⊱•~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ •⊰

Your little house is on the outskirts of the village, a little out of the way, not that you don't like the presence of other people, but you are simply used to living like this: just the two of you.

You had already tried to live in separate houses in the village when you arrived two years ago, but every night was cut short by panicked screams and the search for comforting warmth next to you, visions and nightmares that you hadn't had in years, memories that were buried in the depths of your mind, every moment and every night that you spent in Pero's arms.

And you know that it was the same for him, even if he never mentioned it. He didn't have to. The simple fact that he would leave his house at one end of town in the middle of the night to join you under the sheets without saying anything and just let you snuggle up to him as you have done since you were children. So, you drifted away from the villagers, refusing to attach yourself to anyone else, only needing each other, sleeping together to hunt and seek comfort from the demons that plague you both when night falls. And sometimes even sharing each other's presence you feel that you are missing something... It's weird, and you don't know what it is. You don't talk about it... But you both feel it as well...

After setting up silver dust, under foliage all around your home and bringing back some stew that an old lady gave you in the village, thanking you for protecting them, and drinking a large pint of beer that Pero had left out in the house, you both finish your well-deserved meal in silence, savouring every mouthful of stew with a deliciousness like you've never tasted before... Or maybe you're just so hungry that everything would seem like a delicacy right now.

The same goes for the bed, having obviously finished before Pero who always takes a second bite and calls you "paloma", which according to what he told you simply means that you don't eat much for someone who is always crying out for food, like a little bird. You quickly head for your room so that you can have a nice bath without being disturbed by his lack of patience who you know would be there asking you every thirty seconds if you were almost finished, wanting to take a bath as well. So you were able to enjoy it fully until the water cooled, letting your muscles relax from the tumultuous journey and the stress dissolve for a short moment you cherished.

"I heard people talking about this mountain when we first arrived..." says Pero from the bathroom, waking you from your near sleep, now lying on the bed "Mmmh..." you reply far too tired to utter a word. Eyes still closed, you sit up slightly, knowing that he won't stop there. "The villagers always said that the devil lived in his heart... I didn't really pay attention to it, since there was never a murder... At least until now.”

You open your eyes hearing his voice much closer than it was a few seconds ago, and the reason being that he is standing by the bed, with only a sheet around his hips, placing his weapons beside him as he always does before going to bed. And for your part you try to look away as you always do before going to bed. At least when you sleep in a bed with him. At first it was quite simple and automatic not to look at him when you were younger and when he is only "dressed" like that... But lately it has become quite difficult... It has become quite difficult to avoid the vision of his broad shoulders and that torso getting thinner and thinner towards his waist, that aqualine nose that you imagine between your legs, before placing kisses on it as on his perfect lips and this goddamn perfect little line on it... And that scar on his beautiful obsidian black puppy-dog eyes, even if you're almost sure he doesn't like it, that scar on his face...That scar gives him a crazy charm... And everytime it become impossible to avoid to look at the droplets falling from his deep chocolate curls, sliding down that nape of his neck that you wish you could mark with your lips, to end up around his pure silver cross, shining on his golden and bronze skin...

It's become so hard to ignore this man who's practically become a god under your hungry eyes, as hard as it is to ignore the coming arousal that you feel between your legs as you watch him walk around in his armor or the mere sight of the veins and muscles in his neck give you unholy thoughts...

You turn around and help yourself to your sheets, crossing your legs to try and forget what you'd like him to do to you in that room and bed right now, thinking about how you probably wouldn't have the energy for it, and you fall asleep quicker than you thought you would, already with your mind bent on what you might find on that mountain tomorrow...

Pero watches your body rise and fall slightly with every breath you take and exhale, as he has been doing every night for the past few years... Since he was old enough to understand that you were no longer just a friend to him, that he was no longer indifferent to your curves, that he would watch you come out of the bathroom out of the corner of his eye and bend over the bed to admire your buttocks that he always imagined grabbing tightly in his hands... But he never did and was content to watch you fall asleep with your back to him, now that he can no longer see you come out with a simple sheet around you, your hair wet and your skin steaming from the good bath he would have liked to share with you... He is only content to fall asleep following your breaths, wanting deep down, much more of his Paloma...

⊱•~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ •⊰

You have galloped and walked all day to get to this cursed place, making you arrive around mid-day, when the sun begins its descent towards the west.

The forest is not dancing as usual, and the birds, being the reason why this mountain is called the singing mountain by their chirping, have seemingly disappeared singing no more from this cursed place under a river now red with blood. A putrid, foul smell that you can't miss is present on the scene. No bodies. Lots of blood.

"I've never seen this..."

You don't respond to his remark, but you know exactly what he is talking about. A river turned red with blood, accompanied by the smell of death, yet showing no sign of a body near the water or even in the forest you've just passed through.

Vampires kill, and abandon the corpse, having no interest in keeping the body, or if they really want a use for it, they transform the person, but in this case if, the smell of decomposing corpse and the river of blood should not be present at the scene.

"I don't like this Pero...".

He doesn't answer and just grunts before pulling out his sword and pushing you back slightly. You do the same and pull out your sword, never having doubted his ability to sense the presence of another being, other than the two of you. "It's not dark enough for it to be one," you say, watching carefully around you. "The king would never send his men out in the middle of the night," he says, passing you some silver powder. "How..."

You don't finish your sentence and freeze. Your hands tighten on the hilt of your sword, and you look into the shadows of the forest at the glowing yellow eye sockets. A man you can't make out is watching you without moving. Pero notices this too and pushes you behind him, instinctively as he does every time, even though he knows you can defend yourself, he never misses an opportunity to throw himself between you and the danger... And you will do the same for him when the opportunity arises.

"Come here!" he shouted with a smile, taunting this bloodsucking bastard, who for his part did not move a muscle. He's watching both you, and you're getting more and more worried, not understanding why he's not attacking you, as they all do. This is not a usual behaviour from them... What is going on here...

Your question evaporates as he evaporates, not approaching you, or attacking you. You tug lightly on Pero's arm, asking him to return to the horse. He didn't insist and followed you, sword in hand, running and climbing on the horses as fast as he could.

"What was that?!" you shouted at him at a gallop not far from him, who stopped dead in his tracks a few paces away from you "Pero what..." "I don't know!" he says, a growing frustration in his eyes that you know only too well, a look he gets when he is about to do something impulsive. "Pero you're not going back!" "He didn't attack us..." "That doesn't mean he won't next time! What's wrong with you?!" You say completely dumbfounded by your best friend, willing to risk his life to prove a point.

FUCK PERO!

You follow him in spite of yourself, knowing that you couldn't forgive yourself for leaving him to die alone in those woods, whether it was his choice or not.

A million thoughts go through your head as Pero is hit by something. You jump off your horse and swing your sword at a man in your path, a man who did not flinch at the shock of a galloping horse. You throw a sword at him which he quickly avoids and disappears again, but you know this kind of technique well, you have fought them all your life. You grab a dagger in your other hand and stand back-to-back with pero who has just straightened up.

"I told you we should have left," you say, more than a little frustrated by events that could have been avoided. "This is not the time." He says as he begins to fight the creature in front of you, moving far too quickly for you to anticipate any movement.

He's faster. Smarter than anything you've encountered before, and despite Pero's ability to inflict some cuts with his pure silver sword, the vampire doesn't give in. But it doesn't kill us for all that... A sentence that goes through your head thinking that it could kill you both in a few seconds if it really wanted to... No, this thing is looking for something...

You don't take any more chances and grab your powder and throw it at the thing, which is screaming in pain, looking at you with reddened eyes, sharp fangs and black veins around its eyes like you've never seen before... "PERO THE HORSES!". He thinks for half a second about killing this thing here and now, but sees the powder starting to dissipate and prefers not to risk both of you getting killed here and now... Not to risk YOUR death here and now which would ultimately be his fault...

You gallop off without looking back, not understanding what you just saw.

⊱•~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ •⊰

"PERO WHAT DID YOU DO THERE?!" you say as you slam the door of the house and drop your weapons on the floor "You could have gotten us both killed! You saw what that thing did!" "It didn't kill us... Why?" he says as he sits down on one of the chairs calmly, too calm for what just happened "Is that really the only thing that bothers you about what just happened Pero?!" you say as you bang on the table.

He straightens up curtly and approaches you with a dark look in his eyes, "Aren't you even asking yourself that question? Don't you want to know why he left us alive? Why didn't he kill us or just jump down our throats and kill us like they all do? ¡Miénteme! LIE TO ME?! TRY LYING TO ME!" He says, banging on the table in turn.

You don't respond, knowing he's right, but you can't help it, impulsive behaviour like that could have killed you both. "I shouldn't have gone back there I know that Paloma... But I don't understand..." he says more calmly trying to apologize in his own way. You take him in your arms, understanding that he acted in incomprehension and panic "I also wonder Pero but don't ever do that again... He was smarter... Faster... And seems to control himself in front of living people... We never had to deal with that" you say holding him tighter, also needing a little comfort, adrenaline gradually coming down.

"She's right!"

You flinch and Pero pulls his sword straight out pushing you behind him, hearing a voice coming from your kitchen. Your eyes widen as you realise that the vampire you fought a few hours ago is the man in the room...

"Your powder has no effect on me, cuties... Should you have tried the wooden stakes?" he says, leaning slowly against one of the walls in front of you. "The wooden stakes are too big, a risk. You have to get too close and we're not stupid enough for that," Pero says dryly.

Those features... A protruding jaw, puppy dog eyes that dominate a fierce rage and that aquiline nose... You turn to Pero and move from him to this man, noticing that your friend, has similar features with this creature in front of you even if his hair is longer than pero, but he doesn't seem to really care or even notice it, it's actually the least of his concerns "Why are we still alive? "He says, putting his weapon on the table behind him, understanding that this creature does not intend to kill you, that if it really wanted to, it would not have bothered to let you go and then follow you and interrupt you... Or would have simply killed you in this forest.

He took a step closer but changed his mind when he saw that Pero was keeping a hand on one of his weapons. "Because I'm not the one you're looking for" says the vampire. Pero looked at you wide-eyed and started to laugh, a dark laugh, far from being amused by the situation. "Do you hear that? Now they're coming to our house to haggle," he said, jostling you slightly, still not making you smile.

You know that side of Pero. That unstable side that loses control of itself and doesn't know how to deal with the information and emotions it receives, which are far too numerous to process quickly enough for events that are far too unfamiliar to its eyes. And you don't blame him because you yourself don't know how to deal with it all. "I'm not happy about talking to you..." you say, trying not to play on each other's nerves. "...But you haven't killed us yet, so I'll give you a minute to explain what you want from us."

He stares at you for a few seconds, examining you from head to toe, not missing the look of disgust and hatred on your face. "You're looking for my creator... And I need you to kill him" he said, staring into your eyes, a teasing smile on his face, very sure of himself, yet very serious about the words he just said "Vampires are normally very attached to their creator, I think you're setting us up" you said, crossing your arms "She can't understand that if I wanted you dead you'd have been dead long ago!

He disappeared for a few seconds and found himself next to you, making you jump up and grab tovar's sword behind you to point it at him. He stared at the blade and ran his finger over it, causing smoke to billow from his skin, like at the end of a fire. "I'm not one of the little vampires you usually fight, which makes me... superior to what you're used to..." Tovar rolled his eyes and stepped in front of you, again, instinctively offering his body as a barrier to protect you, letting the man finish, always having a thought of skewering him at any moment "... I'm not dependent on him... At least not completely. But I don't serve him like all those vermin you hunt every day, who don't know how to control themselves or even think for themselves."

He loosens his last words with a more than visible disgust, arranging his clothes and slowly walking around the table without taking his eyes off you. "I don't depend on him. I'm not attached to him in any way... At least not emotionally... Physically it's something else: I can't kill him, not with my own hands." he says, staring deeply into the wood of the table, as if he could see his own reflection there.

"And you need us for that?!" Pero laughed a dark laugh like you've never heard, now less and less amused by the situation, knowing that he could launch himself at the thing in front of you at any moment. You grab him by the arm before he does something stupid and pull him away from the vampire "We should do it Pero." He widened his eyes and reached up to your face, grabbing your cheeks, as if to check that you hadn't been bewitched. You clapped his hands and told him you were fine before continuing, "If he leads us to his master..." "HE'S NOT MY MASTER!" he shouts from across the room letting you know that he can hear anything you say.

You look at Pero and let him know you'll explain the rest later by miming dust between your fingers, as you've done since you were little, before continuing "When he leads us to his MASTER, we can at least find out where he is and kill him! That's what we've wanted for weeks, Pero."

He's not thrilled. He realizes the danger you're going to face and knows that you've already faced a lot of such danger in your life... But he's not excited. He doesn't know if he can trust the information this thing has just given him, and if he should trust it at all. He doesn't want to have to trust it, and he can see in your eyes that you don't want to either... But he also understands that you have no choice after the king's request. So he lets his gaze shift from yours to the vampire's. "Okay. We leave tomorrow morning," he says, stepping around you and approaching the vampire, a more stern look on his face than he usually wears "... But if you were foolish enough to betray us, know this..." "... That you'll kill me?" he cuts Tovar off with a laugh and moves closer to him "And I'll let you do beautiful."

You chuckle and cross your arms and squint your eyes, amused "We already don't trust you..." "I know that sweetheart" "...BUT that's no reason to lie to us" you say, raising your voice, slightly annoyed by his condescending air.

He tries to get around Tovar, who won't let him pass, and shakes his head to let him know he's definitely not going to approach you. "Believe me..." he said as he put his gaze into yours, a serious, not amused gaze "... If I tell you I'd let you do it it's simply that I'd rather it be you than him."

He nodded to you, then to Tovar, and walked towards the front door.

"Oh, and I'd rather be Max Phillips than 'that thing'," he said as he closed the door behind him, leaving you and Tovar in a state of anxiety and nervousness the likes of which you hadn't had in a long time, leaving you both that night alive to the slightest background noise, the slightest shadow passing through the thin draperies of your windows...

•

Chapter 2

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[nananaptime]

Can I have a YeoOne imagine where we're friends (and I'm also friends with the rest of Pentagon) he treats me like a little sister but then I go away for university for 3/4years and then come back completely different and then he starts developing feelings for me but doesn't know how to confess so he asks the boys what he should do and comes up with a plan to confess to me and I accept. Could you make it angsty? My name is Jess. Thank youuuu 😘😘❤️❤️

People change

Why did you have to make it angsty? Now I’m crying xD Also, I’m trying to keep my writing as neutral as possible, just so you know ^-^

MasterlistRules

Requested

Genre: 70% angst 30%fluff

Word count: 1 892

Summary: Experiences change people, sometimes for the worse, sometimes for the better….

“The flight to London, England is boarding now, please make your way to gate five.” I turned around to my four friends who had had the possibility to see me off. Hongseok had been very persistent in cancelling his plans in order to make sure I was getting to the airport.

“You better behave over there.” He said before wrapping his arms around me in a hug. I rolled my eyes slightly at his scolding and returned the embrace.

“I’m not that bad, I know how to behave myself mom.” The other three snickered at my teasing and now it was Hongseok’s time to roll his eyes. He then put his hand at the small of my back and gave me a light push in the other boys’ direction. I crashed straight into Hyojong who caught me by the arms swiftly.

“Take them with storm dude. They won’t even know what hit them.” I smiled at his encouragements and embraced his small frame. Then I punched his arm in a joking manner.

“Say bye to Hyuna for me.”

“Of course, captain.” He positioned him in an attention pose with his hand by his head and his back straight making me laugh and move along to the next member.

“You better not stop dancing just because you don’t have me there to push you.” Hyunggu laughed out the words and hugged me, a bit harder than the other two, quickly.

“Of course not, I wouldn’t want to disappoint you, you taught me everything.” He seemed happy with that response as he smiled and let me go.

The last person was someone who literally never stopped smiling, wherever he went he was always in a positive mood and laughing about with everyone. He was the one I would miss the most, well aside from Wooseok, my cousin.

“Wah, when did you grow old enough to go travelling on your own?” Changgu asked as he too hugged me against his warm chest. He then ruffled my hair with a big smile on his face.

“I’m only two years younger than you, you dork.” He laughed at me and inclined that it didn’t matter, I would always be like a smaller sibling he liked to protect.

The last call for the passengers were made and I knew that I had to go. I gave the four boys one last look while waving goodbye, tears of homesickness already made it’s way to my eye, however I turned around quickly in order to not worry them too much. Then I made my way over to the gate and onto the plane.

This was four years ago. Now I was back and more experienced than I’ve ever been. I learned so many new things, English was now like my second language and it would be difficult to adapt back to the extra politeness that was a given here in South Korea. The only one that knows I’m back is Hongseok, it was easier asking him to keep a secret since he was the only one that spoke english so even though the other boys overhear him they still won’t understand what’s going on.

After fetching my bag from the conveyor belt I walked out of the terminal to look for my mom friend. It wasn’t the easiest thing since he and the boys just debuted, finally, and he had to disguise himself a bit in order not to be jumped by fangirls. All of a sudden I felt someone tug at my elbow and who stood there other than one of my best friends. I jumped him with a hug and he almost fell over, however regaining his balance just in time.

“Wow, what happened to you!?” I laughed at him, knowing he meant the change in my appearance. “Where’s the braces? Are those ear piercings? When did you get so much taller?” I patiently waited for him to calm down a bit and stop freaking out.

“I guess London was good to me.” I said as we started walking out of the airport. Him insisting on pulling my suitcase. We got to the car and made our way towards dorm B where most of the boys were gathered at the moment, all the while catching up on everything we both missed out on in each other’s lives.

Soon enough we were parked outside the dorm and thanks to the window being open I could clearly hear that it wasn’t calm at all in there. Poor Jinho, being the oldest of dorm B can’t be the easiest thing in the world, the only one actually actually being of help would probably be Yanan, with Yuto and Wooseok dabbing all the time and just messing around and Changgu probably falling asleep everywhere, not that I expected him to be able to sleep through the chaos erupting in there right this moment. Hongseok and I made our way through the door and into the small hall which was currently filled with six pairs of shoes. We added our own and entered the living room filled with energy.

The first one to spot me was Hyojong who let out a ultra-loud scream and causing everyone to stop what they were doing and stare at the reason of his outburst, not that he always needed a reason. Once Hyojong was out of his shock he ran towards me, jumping over the couch in the process, and tackled me in a hug.

“Wah, Y/N-yah, what are you doing here?” He let me go, his mouth still wide open.

“Wait, wait, wait.” Someone realised how to use their voice again. “Is that Y/N? No way.” I laughed at Jinho’s astonishment and made my way over to him so that I could steal a hug. We were almost the same height, there were just a small difference between us.

After going around the room, returning hugs, I noticed that there was one who hadn’t said a word at all, and this person usually talks a lot.

“Changgussi, you okay?” He was staring at me, stunned, making me giggle. This caused him to snap out of his trance.

“What? Oh, it’s nothing, I’m just surprised because you don’t look so much younger than me anymore. You look so different.”

“Is that a good thing?” I asked, wondering what his answer would be.

“It’s definitely a good thing.” There was that smile I was used to seeing. I gave him one of my own back and offered to cook them something I learned in London. To which they refused but I did anyway.

A week later I was hanging out with Hyunggu, still in dorm B. We were in the middle of Just Dance, he wanted to see if I had kept my promise and not stopped dancing and it was pretty obvious that he was kicking my ass. I sat down on the couch, completely exhausted. I had practiced, but of course Hyunggu would be better since that’s all he’s been doing in order to debut.

“Wah, in all honesty, did you practice at all?” He asked as he sat down beside me. I gave him a joking glare, followed by a small but tired laugh.

“I did, but I had school too you know. You only practiced because that’s what you had to do if you wanted to debut.” He nodded, acknowledging my statement.

“Was it hard?” He asked. “With the english and all.”

“It was in the beginning but it got easier the more I used it. The people over there were really nice. Especially the family I was staying with, especially their kids. They had a five year old daughter and a boy my age.” He reacted at the last few words I said.

“You lived with a boy your age? Was he nice to you? He didn’t hurt you or anything, right?”

“No, I told you he was extremely nice to me. He showed me all the best cafées and everything that was worth doing in the neighbourhood.” I debated on whether or not I was going to tell him the last piece of information or not. In the end I thought, why not. “He was also my boyfriend while I was staying there.” Hyunggu almost fell of the couch.

“What!?” I was expecting the shocked reaction from Hyunggu, however I did not anticipate another voice utter the same word. I turned around to see Changgu standing in the doorway looking absolutely destroyed. Confusion overtook me.

“Changgu?”

“You have a boyfriend?” His voice was small and very quiet, it was hard hearing his question. I didn’t answer him, afraid that he would burst out crying, considering his current expression. Then he shuffled away, clearly in a negative mood. Hyunggu and I exchanged confused glances before I stood up quickly and ran after him.

I found him in his shared room with Yanan, sitting on the bed just staring at his hands.

“Changgu, what’s up?” I asked carefully, knowing how sensitive he can be in situations like this. He looked up at me, his eyes red from crying, he wasn’t a loud cryer. He cleared his throat, wiped away the remaining tears and stood up, dusting off his clean jeans.

“Nothing, I’m fine, you can go out and continue dancing with Hyunggu, I’m sure he’s waiting.” I didn’t, instead I sat down on his bed and pulled him down beside me.

“Talk to me, you know I won’t judge.” He chuckled slightly at that.

“When did you become so grown up.” I smiled at that, happy that I can try to help. “It’s just that, I always saw you as a smaller sibling and never anything else until you came back from London a week ago. You had changed so much that I didn’t believe it was you at first. I don’t know, something changed and I started developing feelings for you and I didn’t know what to do. I asked Hongseok, Hui and Jinho hyung what the best thing to do was and they thought I should confess. I was about to do that just now.” He gestured towards some chocolate and a bouquet of flowers that lay in a corner. “Hui hyung said some gifts was a good idea. But you have feelings for someone else and I just need the time to get over you, I guess.” He was crying again. Then he stood up and started heading for the door. “So if you could just leave me alone for a couple of days I’ll be fine.” He forced a smile in my direction and my heart broke. What he never knew was that all those years that he had treated me like family my heart had been beating for him.

I stood up and grabbed his wrist before he could open the bedroom door. He turned around and looked at me confused. I stood on my toes and pressed a small kiss against his cheek.

“If I leave you alone then how are we supposed to go on dates?” I asked and a big and genuine smile spread across his features. He then pulled me into his body in a big hug and didn’t let go for a very long while. We just stood there, in each other’s arms, knowing that he loved me and I loved him.

[ts-nightingaleislands]

Episode #4- “if I have to do another tribal I'm gonna tonya Harding these bitches”- Austin

I have not gotten a chance to see tribal's entirety, but something did stand out. Tawni essentially implied that OG Thrush would stick together and do what it takes and it told me that perhaps there are people on that tribe unwilling to work with Petrel. I understand that we have our OG tribe but I will say that people who arent open to working with others may not be good for the long run so I think Im gonna try and evaluate a few things and go from there as far as maximizing my benefits

The Dylan blindside went very well. I would have very much preferred to see Tawni leave, only because she's still the person I've talked to least. Unfortunately, Cheatham and Austin both wanted her to stay, which is why we voted Dylan, who was a much more aggressive player than Amy. I figure that it's early on, a swap could come any day now, so I've been preparing for one. I've already tried to get a Tawni vote prepared in the event we lose, which was actually very easy because she told me she wanted to get rid of Noah and that's all he needed to be good with it. (It also helps that he was independently considering voting Tawni before I told him that). Cheatham and Austin would likely prefer to vote Amy, which I would not prefer. Amy is much less likely to betray me than Tawni as far as I can tell, and the absolute worst case scenario regarding a swap would make Amy an easy scapegoat vote if we lose. Tawni would be much harder to vote out in that scenario. Premerge is all about making strong connections to carry me through the rest of the game, just laying my foundation now. Austin and Noah both trust me so much, and then Cheatham appears to be seen as a fourth wheel to our alliance. Austin and Noah (especially Noah) are huge players, so if you're going to take a shot at my alliance, it would make more sense to get one of them, and Cheatham has already been seen to get votes on him due to certain aspects of how he comes off (blatantly refusing to work with people afaik?). I'm not the big guy in my alliance, but I'm not the expendable guy either. Right where I'd want to be. Assuming I can actually form strong social connections with everyone, and let's be honest, that's 50/50. Oh no do I need to take control of the game strategically to have a shot at winning?? Well if I do, the bigmovez part of my brain will have to wait until we merged, because I have already established that the premerge is a time for fostering strong connections!

Well that went according to plan and Dylan went home! Now it’s once i get tawni out (who was also against me) , i’ll get my idol! That really all i care about tbh so i have some safety come swap. Noah and I are THROWING this comp just to send home tawni and get ourselves an IDOL

So I have to pretty much start a majority alliance later though right now I am more focused on the challenge. As of this moment, I like the idea sharing going around for the challenge. Baby Got Back may be questionable to some but we just want to have fun! Im ready to get this going and just have a fun challenge with hopefully another win!

Im nervous sorta in that last time I had to edit the music video and it was ao stressful knowing if we lost it would be my fault. It does sorta deem AnnMarie is running into trouble so I might have to do it again unfortunately and its like ahhh

Pleaseeeeee have a tribe swap soon . I love my tribe but if I have to do another tribal I'm gonna tonya Harding these bitches .

Last night felt like a mess. Rizo joins a chat with Kyle and Tim supposedly to get info from and the belief is they may want to target one of us, meanwhile Gwen makes a chat with me and Sara calling it Detectives where we end up voicing concerns and sure enough Rizo and Tim's history is brought up. The girls and AnnMarie get sketched out from Tim and by association Kyle, Steven meanwhile is gaining cool points like Santa Claus and yeah. Im pretty certain its only a matter of time before peoppe search stuff about me but man this tribe is becoming a secret ball of chaos

And Liam is an unproblematic cool kid too

Well. I cried myself to sleep. And I woke up crying. I want to give up so bad. Cause it’s like at this point I have zero chance of winning so what’s the point. I don’t know anyone on the other side. My one ally in the game sucks ass. Granted my entire tribe does. And it’s like I’m assuming at this point we aren’t swapping and y’all are gonna keep us here until merge except there will be no one from my tribe left to merge. I’m just so fucking tired of trying

Wow, I can’t believe we won again. And in a landslide. It was a lot of fun making that video. And yes, that is a real snake. And no, I had never touched a snake before. And yes, it was weird. Okay, so here’s what went down over the past few days. Rizo told the CORGIS that Tim wanted to make an alliance with him and Kyle. I don’t know if that actually came to fruition yet, but after doing some digging, Chris found out that both Kyle and Rizo work for FedEx. Even though they live in different states, they may have bonded over this, or maybe they met at some point? No idea. Anyway, we are keeping our eyes out. This prompted Chris, Sara, and I to make a new sub-alliance called Detectives. We discussed the possibility of Rizo going rogue and we also discussed concerns about Tim. I did some research online and found Rizo’s Survivor audition video on Youtube. I think he may be a little more of a game player than we initially thought, but I mean, a lot of people in these ORGs apply for the actual shows. But it did make me and Sara question our Sunt alliance with him. I also did some digging on Tim and found out that he has played in a lot of ORGs and he has won, or done well, in a significant number of them. Reading reviews from his past competitors makes me even more nervous about him. They said that he was really great at game play and basically slayed the social game. He is way too much of a threat and we need him out of this game before he can manipulate people. And this makes sense with Tim’s Devils…I realized that he could have just told the whole tribe about the concerns with Noah, but he decided to just tell the girls. Now, sure, maybe this was out of the kindness of his heart, but based on the information that I found, I think that it was a strategic move to gain trust with us. Oh, and also, I accidentally almost blew up that alliance…we were talking about alliances and he said he was only in one alliance. However, I know that he has approached at least two other people with the possibilities of alliances, so I highly doubt that is true. Anyway, I mentioned it in the Detectives and Chris was like oh he has an alliance? But Sara and I saved it (I hope) by telling him that he was probably talking about the chat he made with the girls since the hosts technically had to call that an alliance. I think we’re good? I’m debating whether we tell Chris the name. Tim’s Devils is a total joke and none of the girls are actually loyal to it, but I don’t want the name coming back to Chris. He is still my #1 and I want him to be able to trust me. It was funny because when I was talking to Tim, he said we have a good alliance and I was like Tim’s Devils? And he asked how many alliances I was in. I was like ohhh I didn’t realize that was a real alliance because no one has talked in it. Then tried to cover it up with asking whether it is normal for people to make alliances before losing a challenge. Who knows if he bought it. I’m just going to keep playing up the N00B card for now. So everyone that I have talked to has said they are concerned about Tim. He is my target. So this could go two ways – either everyone really wants Tim out, or they really want me out and that’s the name they are giving me. I hope it’s the former, but either way it has been fun! If it is the latter, it was a great learning experience! It’s kind of hard to say what the next move is, since we don’t know if there will be a swap…and if there is a swap, who would be on my tribe. Ideally, we would have the majority in both tribes. I guess the most likely groups are 5v2 and 4v3. My only concern is that the other tribe might have the immunity idol. In that case, we wouldn’t be able to split votes in the 4v3 tribe. We could in the 5v2 tribe…I guess we will have to see when we switch tribes!

I just wanted to touch base cause I think theres a tribe swap. I also formed a pseudo alliance with kyle and rizo just in case we ever lose to make sure i have the numbers with the Tim's Devils alliance.

I'm in a bit of a peculiar position. Two people on my tribe, Noah and Austin, both appear to want to have me as their number one, both positioning themselves in such a way that it would be advantageous for me to side with them. If this is true, then I am probably in the best spot on this tribe, and I control the vote. Do I side with Noah and vote Tawni, who is much more likely to ditch me in a swap than Amy? Do I side with Austin and vote Amy, which would complete Austin's list and give us control of the idols? Do I vote Cheatham, because I've gone mad with power and it's theoretically possible? So many possibilities! However, the best one in my opinion is to vote Tawni out for two reasons: 1. She popped off at the challenge. Not like "oh no what a physical threat vote her out before she goes on an immunity run". But it's obvious that she put so much effort into the challenge, that even Petrel would recognize that. So if she's voted out, it's clear to everyone that the Thrush tribe may be a bit of a mess. And if we're so disjointed, in the event of a swap, we aren't a coalition worth toppling over. We're numbers they can use to fulfill their own objectives. 2. She never talks to me. Amy never talks to me, but she never talks to anyone. Tawni talks all the time to other people (or so I've heard). Voting her out reduces the number of options other people (Austin) have, forcing them to stick with me or jump into the unknown that is Petrel. I really hope this is the best move, and if I get 14th bc I'm swapfucked then >:( (i guess thats not as bad as a blindside tonight)

Wohooo “we won another challenge this is so great!” I must say I am impressed at how well my tribe is doing and it’s great I’m safe and practically made the merge. However how can I go to a merge and not know who to trust. I trust my corgi alliance and Kyle but Honeslty they haven’t been tested yet to see if they are loyal which is scary. Another calm round where I can’t go into the immunity pool or target someone in my tribe. I’m anticipating a tribe swap, I don’t really want one because if I get tribe swapped I’ll be upset but at this point I’m ready to get some gameplay going and hopefully Chris and myself or Gwen can get this game going.

Shit hit the fan I’ve got a great ally in Sara who filled me in on a lot about our tribe and the other tribe. We work really well together. Turns out there’s a 6 person alliance of Gwen Sara rizo Liam Chris and AnnMarie. Sara felt on the bottom, so she talked to me. She is in an alliance chat with me AnnMarie and Kyle. This alliance of six is supposedly falling apart though. This leaves Tim. He talked to me after my reward challenge win, and he seemed somewhat insecure about his place. He’s pretty much on the bottom. Me and Sara agree that he could be an easy target to keep our place in the game if we lose soon, or if there’s an unfavorable swap. Noah seems to be on the bottom of the other tribe, so that could help us in a swap as well. Tribal happens soon and I’m pretty nervous, not necessarily for what happened at tribal, but what might come after

This entire round has been a mood and I'm extra upsetty spaghetti that I wasn't around more to hassle people! Honestly, I'm just counting the days before I get caught for my shenanigans! I literally spilled the entire idea of the 6 person alliance (as well as other groups) to Steven this round because well, it's full of duos and I'm not any of their priority. Plus, I'm generally not an underdog in games, but I love working with the underdogs and I sorta see Steven as that. If he leaks all I told him, I'm probably screwed...but I think he trusts me because he was willing to pass info and strategize with me too. Lastly, Gwen and Chris are totally a duo and Tim is sketchy...that's all! :)

well, i lost my closest ally dylan so now im feeling pretty alone. i think i could be going this round but some people are telling me to vote tawni so im going to do that and hope it works. wish me luck!

Sooooo I just edited the entirety of the lip sync challenge and it was super fun to watch everyone dance and mess around with the lyrics. I wasn't in love with the song, but I gotta admit that the end result was really nice. Gwen helped out a ton by making a Google docs and organizing things. I'm super disappointed with the other tribe though. It had little effort, and Trent really tore into them. Trent also said that the horn girl had him cracking up. I'm the horn girl. I was very happy. I was told some very interesting stuff about Tim. I already had a pretty bad vibe from him, but I guess Gwen confirmed my inkling. I don't think I will be aligning myself with him during the game.

4 votes Tawni, 2 votes Amy.