#I'm tired and exhausted all the time
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#hhhh#another stupid. vent post#been a while but mostly I've just been too tired to write it down#is there like. A fun quirky way to say i wanna kill myself still#....no probably not#anyway. i do.#im... im still in that day program thing#partial hospitalization. It's a good program. Lots of classes and very judgement free#sadly i cannot help but feel I'm. doomed to failure#because i need so much higher a level of care than this#i. frankly i should be put in a nursing home#that's probably the level I'm at#it all hurts. so much. everything does. my body my mind trying to think trying to talk trying to type#everything hurts either physically or mentally#I'm tired and exhausted all the time#I can barely move some days#I'm a massive financial burden on the people who love me#and i can't really do anything but play videogames to distract myself and then vent endlessly to people who reach out#....if you see this and reach out#i apologize if i don't end up replying#I'm overwhelmed lately#i just can't keep up#and can't help being lonely as fuck despite that#....but i do read it all#every message i get i read. and i cherish. And i forget because of my adhd but when i read it#i feel good for a minute#......so.....#..if you've reached out before...thank you#...if you plan to now.... I'm about to sleep so i may not reply but#....thank you
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im so fucking useless
#all I do is consume without contributing anything to society#i feel so guilty for eating breathing taking up space buying things producing trash wasting people's time and energy#literally my existence has no meaning#why am i alive#literally w.o.r.t.h.l.e.s.s.#tw depressive#tw depressing thoughts#tw depression#depressing shit#sorry for being depressing#im exhausted#i hate everything#i hate my self#more than anyone else#i dread having to exist#self h@te#i'm sad#mentally tired#vent#venting#personal
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telling all of you rn when I finish chapter 3 and this idea still lingers in my mind imma make an animatic of this song for my au
#I SEE IT...I SEE IT ALL SO CLEARLY#also i say after ch3 cause....theres spoilers lol#also sorry i havent been answering asks I'm more than open for them but..today and yesterday where emotionally exhausting to me </3#i'll try to get back to talking abt the ggs soon#you see ezlo this is why nobody sends u asks cause your ass is too tired all the time!!!! 😭#ive been playing minecraft all day u_u#txt
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@ all variations of "Thirteen wasn't actually queer"/"15Rogue was more convincing than Thasmin"/"Thasmin was queerbait" etc.
#thasmin#thirteenth doctor#13th doctor#yasmin khan#yaz khan#chibnall haters do not fucking interact I do not care#i am explicitly not looking for discourse about this i'm just fucking tired#they literally mean so fucking much to me and it's just kinda fucking exhausting how dismissive people are of them all the time
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Happy summer, everybody!
This has been a big project to take and while there's stuff to improve I'm pretty happy with it. Be sure to zoom in the big picture for details and read the comic from left to right. (Needless to say, please don't try A.B.A's behaviour.. For your safety)
Bonus doodle:
#a.b.a#paracelsus#slayer#guilty gear#I almost forgot slayer's shirt pattern! I was also supposed to draw his cape floating over sharon to shield her from the sun but...#this whole drawing collection took roughly a month to complete and I forgot. I'm too tired right now#speaking of. it's my first time drawing sharon I hope she's okay!#yes slayer carries and wears in the nose his 200 spf sunscreen from xrds treasure hunt animation :)#as for the big main picture. it left me quite exhausted and I know the lighting leaves a lot to be desired but I'm proud! learnt a lot#first time drawing blue para too. I hope his metallic sheen is alright#more than aba's skin sheen for sure. I'll improve it in the future! btw tweaked a bit her attire's palette from last time and made her keep#the headband cause trying to figure out how her hair would properly fall was a hassle lmao#fun fact: the bird is an european herring gull#the crab is an edible crab and the palm trees are coconut palm trees with no fruit lol#I wanted to draw fan palms which are a kind of palm tree that deserves more love but the leaf shape was so difficult to draw#I did struggle a lot with these two.. they look more like feathers but again. that can be studied and improved in the future#despite all the lows summertime can have for me whenever it's a nice day and we can go to the beach I feel everything is worth it and will#be okay. hope I could translate that here. hi new people I tend to ramble a lot in my post tags#art tag2b named#sharon
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#ok finally making a post about meds#I've not ever tried taking medication before. I was sorta raised with that classic 'dont rely on meds you have to learn to manage without'#I mean I was also raised with the idea that therapy is stupid unless you have 'real' trauma. and also like idk.#can't stay home from school unless your temp is over 100 or you're throwing up. etc. very suck it up mindset#so I was just really nervous to start. also of course worried about losing myself or whatever I know that's a silly fear but#it's also a common fear for a reason!!! anyways#so I finally was like 'I need to do something' when I realized I was so anxious I couldnt even get myself to go outside alone#like I just don't want to do ANYTHING alone to a detrimental effect. and it was butting into my ability to do my work...#for various reasons. but then ALSO adhd has been a constant issue with my work as well!#it is SO hard to write and draw on a weekly pace like I am without being able to focus#my whole life I've had these terrible nightmares constantly and I've always woken up constantly in the night#sleep has always been terrible so I've always dreaded going to bed.. ESPECIALLy because it didnt even make me less tired#it was more something that I just did because I had to.#but going to bed was always terrible. there have been times I was too scared to go to sleep for weeks on end...#I've been mitigating this for years of course. and recently I've been taking melatonin which has been helping too.#but I've also always struggled to get up. because I've always been EXTREMELY exhausted#but also anxious of what the day might bring... idk.#anyways it has all hit a point that I was like okay. I am doing as many coping mechanisms as I can. the psych said they were good too#but... it just has never been enough. it's never been enough to make me not tired it's never been enough to make me not scared#so I finally talked to the doc about it. and she was like youve def got smth wrong basically. which yah I know.. but yknow#anyways so I started taking wellbutrin. and I am so frustrated now. because it's WORKING#that constant looming sense of dread is gone. I'm excited to get up. I'm excited to go to bed BECAUSE I'm excited to get up#I feel like for years I've been holding on to the idea that I have to get up because I have to put something good out into the world#and I've been clinging to knowing that if nothing else. I am able to help other people feel better.#but now for the first time in my life I'm like. free of it. I didnt even know it was possible... and I'm so sad how much I've lost out on#and so frustrated how my whole life I've been told to put up with it and push through it. and treated like a failure for it being too much.#and just. It has only been 2 weeks. but the lack of anxiety is SO noticeable I'm so...#I'll never miss it. the adhd is still pretty present but like whatever. I can manage that better.#and I'm just crying because of all this combined.#I just. I hope I get to finally be the best I can be now. for myself but also for you guys!
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Yuma Month: Day 31: Post Game
…for the sake of the world’s happiness.
#Yuma Month 2024#rain code#master detective archives: rain code#rain code spoilers#yuma kokohead#pixeldoodles#my art#the last day…at last#you can tell I’m drained because this art is not high effort XD#but its still something and I didn’t have too many ideas#I sincerely hope to see Yuma again in the sequel if one is made#he is too complex of a character to just abandon y'know?#and I’ve grown TOO ATTACHED to him#never in my life have I been so connected and obsessed with a male fictional character before#he’s truly something else… I love him so much <3#anyway this was fun but I am pretty exhausted#I may take a short break art wise for a while ;w;#I'm still sad I missed 2 days but 29 out of 31 isn't bad for my first daily art challenge#I loved yuma too much to not try it.#anyway yay! we all did it! ...kind of lol.#I really do wish I had a better idea for this but I was too tired...#so have the post game scene horribly drawn in my style#first time drawing the pattern on yuma’s cape PROPERLY#tbh him leaving is a good way to show a finale anyway#I hope we see Yuma again... I truly do.#thank you yuma kokohead for existing 💜#and ty to my bestie Kazin for hosting this fun challenge#what a fun way to spend the month of May :3
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Trigun Thoughts Vol. 1 Pt. 2
So now that I've finished with volume 1, I just wanted to write down a couple thoughts I've had and neat things to point out so far
When I was watching Stampede, I took note of a few kind of textbook avoidant behaviours Vash engages in, and lo and behold, here he is in the manga displaying even more of them. I'll list out a few here.
In order, we have:
Casually asking for a time limit on the interaction (ie. "How long do I have to keep this up before I can leave?")
Attempting to lose people in a crowd
Leaving without saying anything (and as a bonus, dreading being recognized in public)
Over-indulging or over-involving oneself in social events to create a viable excuse to leave suddenly (in this case, he uses alcohol as a reason to "pass out")
Sleeping to avoid unwanted conversation
Escaping to the bathroom to get away for a bit (and also to grumble about it haha)
Playing off sincere reactions by deliberately allowing them to be misinterpreted to avoid personal questions
It's really obvious, even this early in the manga, that Vash is intentionally avoiding prolonged interaction with people, and only involving himself in situations by necessity. He doesn't like attention on himself - the only reason he intentionally draws it is to divert it away from others.
The reason for this is a bit muddy though. It does seem that Vash doesn't particularly enjoy being caught up in drama, and it is also very likely he wishes to get in and out of places as quickly as possible to avoid them getting caught up in his drama too. It may even be that he finds prolonged socializing kind of tiring; that he needs a certain amount of time to himself.
But then there's also this bit, shortly after the celebration, where he pretends to pass out.
This brings in a bit of a guilt aspect to it. It likely has to do with July, or maybe it's due to something else (at this point, we can't say), but I think it's notable that Vash cuts things off shortly before they become intimate. He can play along to make others happy and to share in their joy for a bit, but the second things get too personal or focused on him, he will quietly slip away. Now this is specifically an instance of physical intimacy, but I think it'd probably hold for emotional intimacy as well, given the continuous avoidance and misdirection he does to prevent too many questions.
I made some commentary on Stampede Vash's self-punishing behaviours - specifically, the way he denies himself food. I don't want to get too into it because I don't know if everyone reading this has seen Stampede, but food is framed as something to be shared in the show - so, denying himself food is denying himself the right to share with others, which is denying himself belonging, which is denying himself any semblance of intimacy. (It means other things too, as food-sharing is associated with Rem, but I don't want to get too into it here.)
Vash in the manga doesn't seem to have the same issues with eating, but this is a similar premise - he's denying himself intimacy out of a sense of not being deserving of it.
So, then, there are probably many interwoven reasons for Vash's avoidance - he's sick of the chaos that follows him around, he doesn't want others getting hurt, he gets tired from having to "play it up" all the time, and he seems to also feel that he doesn't deserve that closeness. I'm intrigued to see how Vash's avoidance will be tackled going forward (I'm assuming it will?), and I suspect, more than there being one right reason for it, that all these reasons are actually true to an extent.
On a completely different note, this panel here is the biggest mood. I feel it in my bones.
#me looking at vash's avoidant strategies: ha ha ha. i do that.#me: ...wait. no. that's bad.#meryl says 'vash stop getting into situations' and vash says 'i am trying to get OUT of the situations! i don't want to be here either!!!'#i do think there's a lot of... exhaustion to his character we don't see as much with stampede vash. manga vash looks TIRED man.#it makes sense. we know vash isn't... happy. to say the least.#playing it up all the time when you are not happy - i can tell you any social interaction becomes flat out exhausting#you're always acting. you feel like you have to be so careful with what you say. it's far less draining to just leave the room.#trigun#trigunbookclub#vash the stampede#trigun meta#storyrambles#if i'm just saying what is incredibly obvious or repeating what others have already said i'm sorry.#once i'm caught up i'll follow the book club tag and read what others have written!
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the sexual tension between me and relapse
#venting in the tags so be careful#being bipolar and bpd at the same time feels like the worst nightmare#the slightest inconvenience will send me into a fucking spiral#people have always been telling me either to “cheer up” or “go to a mental hospital because I'm fucked in the head”#i perfectly know I'm incapable and unworthy of love#I'm starting to doubt if I'm able to love the right way at all#but I'm so sick of toxic positivity#not everything's going to be alright#sometimes bad things happen#and not everyone is supposed to be cheerful and grateful all the fucking time#it's just so tiring and exhausting#they really dont realize how much toxic positivity is damaging and so naive#tw depressing thoughts#idk how to tag this lol#rambles#actually bpd#bpd vent
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also picking raspberries turned out to be.. really fucking hard
#it's so physically demanding broo ToT#idk i feel like im just weak af because some people there seem to do it so easily and i can barely#do half a day#and they want me to do a full day tomorrow bro#like#I'm so tired after half a day..#i genuinely feel like i might just collapse or something#i do want that bit of money tho but it's sooo exhausting#i went there for half a day today and it killed me bro i was just lying in bed#and i didn't want to fall asleep cause it was like noon already but#i didn't even have the energy to look at a phone lmao#well it's gonna be over this week probably cause#the raspberries are going to stop growing in a few days apparently they're saying in 2 days#we're going to be done#I'd love to make more money but I don't think i can fucking do ittt#its so physically demanding whyyyyy#and why are there grandmas working with me in that field and they seem just fine BROOOO TOT#but yeah now that im thinking about it this also might be part of my problems cause#im soo much.ore irritable rn just cause im literally exhausted all the time ughhh#i came back home 3 days ago and i haven't even had the time to sit down at a desk and draw something#not even mentioning energy aughhh
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oooh, once i get some of my energy and motivation back for a couple days again, it's over for y'all. i'm comin' for ya
#rn I'm back to just. being chronically overwhelmed & exhausted.#struggling to enjoy much of anything. feel like I'm dragging myself around.#can't even log in to discord bc that's just Too Much for my brain atm :/#why is just existing so fucking tiring lmao#planning to just queue up as many drafts as I can once I can get myself to write again. for real this time!!!!#fuck the instant gratification I want to get caught up i'm tired of constantly feeling behind sfjgksh#as always & for about the hundredth time: thank you all sfm for your patience with me 😭💜#I appreciate u guys SO MUCH and I hope you're having a lovely week 💜💜💜#━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ooc ⋮ don’t @ me.
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I'm such a failure, a complete fucking failure
#why can't I do anything in a day#all I do is waste my time#like I wanna do so many things but my brain is just like nah aaah no you don't bitch#rot in bed like the corpse you are#all days blend into each other#and time is passing me by idk#I just can't#I can't do anything at all#I can't#personal#vent#venting#depressing shit#mentally tired#tw depressing thoughts#mentally fucked#actually mentally ill#mental health issues#tw depressing stuff#tw depressive#tw depression#tw depressing shit#i'm exhausted#i'm so tired#sad shit#sad thoughts#i hate my self#i hate this#life is shit#there's a few good things that keep me alive at least
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#jhhh I'm so fucking scared#im so exhausted and tired and i do not think i will pull this off#trying to move tomorrow and i. i have some help but#ii don't know if it's enough#I don't know if I've thought of everything in fact i know i haven't#and I'm so scared something I've missed is going to fuck me over#im trying so fucking hard I swear#i swear i swear i swear#ii just want this to work i just want something i do to finally work i#......i want help and i swear I'm trying so hard to ask for it but I'm so bad and it's so hard to find regardless#what if it's not enough what if I'm not enough what if i can't park what if i can't move everything what if#what if i didn't make a request to the damn place what if they don't let me do stuff tomorrow it was so hard getting this much help at all#ii don't think i can do it again *certainly* not in time#fuck fuck fuck fuck I'm so goddamn panicked I need to sleep but i CAN'T#gghhhh#....everything hurts so damn bad#iim barely gonna be able to help tomorrow i....#i hate this i hate being so useless#worthless just taking up space i#ffuck#im so tired
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Men would rather see the realm put to the torch, than see a woman ascend the iron throne.
Needless to say, there are so many quotes from media (books, movies, television, etc.) that have spoken to me today (especially). From Padme to Leia, from Hermione to Katniss, from Aelin and Feyre and Violet, from every single warrior who has fought for a better world and never given up and always hoped for the better--
Media has always been what has gotten me through times like this. When the utter stupidity (which, I feel, isn't even a strong enough word to truly express the severity of the whole thing) is so great, and I've gone between utter and complete disgust and rage to disbelief and numbness.
And run the entire realm of emotions in between.
So forgive me if this post is a bit... disjointed. It's a true "let me get my thoughts down because I need to write them somewhere before my head utterly explodes" kind of thing.
I don't even know where to begin, in many ways. Because how do you truly put into words these feelings? How do you truly express the utter and complete disgust with mankind that you feel, when you didn't even set the bar very high to begin with? When you had it set extremely LOW, even, because of multiple factors:
They are in a CULT. Led by a con man. There can truly be no denying that whatsoever. And cults, by definitions, do not follow logic and reason and sense.
People are stupid. And hateful. And tend to vote "party" no matter what (in a lot of cases).
The American education system (especially in regards to history, civics, literature, etc.) is utterly horrible--and certain Powers That Be want to keep it that way because an ignorant populace is always easier to control.
And those are just SOME reasons I set the bar low. But at the same time, I had the smallest little nugget of hope:
Surely, the hypocrisy will be called out and stopped? Surely, the utter hate & division (and bullying & insulting & name-calling) will make some people open their eyes? Surely, the fact that so many prominent members of the Republican Party (lifelong senators & military leaders, etc) who have openly endorsed the Democratic candidate--as well as spoken on the dangers of re-electing that man--will show people that there are GIANT FLASHING WARNING SIGNS going off?
Surely, America can learn a little bit from history?
Right?
As a woman, it sickens me even more to see this country say, once again, that it will elect a man like that over a woman. For no other reason than the fact that he is a man, and she is a woman.
Because there can be no other reason, no matter what anyone tries to claim.
That this was even a question at all in the first place, and that there were those who were "undecided" at any time over which candidate to choose, proves that.
Because while a lot of the American system needs fixed (and while yes, the two-party system doesn't always give you "the best" options), it is VERY clear that we're not changing that part of the process any time soon.
So the USA really looked at a black woman who was intensely qualified on every single level, who ran a wonderful campaign in a shorter time than any other candidate in recent history, who spoke of trying to heal the division, to work with everyone, to make this a UNITED country--
And the majority of voters really said:
No, we will take the rapist. The felon. The schoolyard bully. We will take the fascist whose entire campaign was nothing but insults and name-calling. Of division and spreading hate. Of basically declaring those who didn't side with them "enemies".
The majority of American voters really looked at Kamala Harris and Tim Walz, and decided that everything they (American people) claim to hate about politics (division, lies, hypocrisy)--in other words, the entire campaign of Donald Trump and JD Vance--was the better option for this country.
Disappointed is not strong enough. Disgusted is not strong enough. Angry, sick-- There is no word that I can think of that is strong enough to fully express everything I've felt today, with this country.
There are times I have been "embarrassed" by America. Many actions in the early 2000s from President Bush. In 2016 when the nation first elected Trump. I thought I was in an alternate nightmare reality then, because I could not believe they were really that stupid.
But to see them do so again? To see, in the last 4 years since he lost in 2020, for him to do nothing but whine and argue and deny the facts like a fucking toddler throwing a damn tantrum*, only for this nation to say, "Yes, we want to elect this man again"--
I want to scrub the blood, the American identity, from my very DNA. I want to never see an American flag again. There is nothing to be proud of in this nation, when that ends up as the majority decision.
*And I would also like to note that Kamala acted like an actual adult, in that she conceded the race. That despite how utterly sick & disgusted we are, the Democratic Party is not whining and throwing some god-awful tantrum and fit, claiming CHEATER?
But hey, America, you wanted the toddler. You wanted the schoolyard bully.
Because god forbid we elect a black woman instead!
And now, I have something to say to all the so-called religious people. To all the so-called Christians.
Every single atheist and agnostic person I have ever met is far, far more "Christ-like" than you will ever be.
And when you die, and you stand before the God you believe in, be sure to tell Jesus just how much you hated your fellow neighbor. Just how much you did not follow what should be so easy:
"Love Thy Neighbor."
Because I know you just love quoting and throwing scripture at people, so have this one:
"For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat. I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink. I was a stranger and you invited me in. I needed clothes and you clothed me. I was sick and you looked after me. I was in prison and you came to visit me. Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and fed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?' The King will reply, 'Truly, I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.'" (Matthew 25: 35-40)
So I'm sure your Jesus knows of the hate in your heart. Of the true depth of your hypocrisy. Of claiming to do good in his name, when your actions are the complete opposite of what his words and teachings are.
Because while I may not believe any longer, I have the knowledge and the background and the understanding of what the Christian religion should be. What it is supposed to be.
And it is because of people like you that I do not. That I have seen far more "good people", "righteous people" and "kind people" that are not religious than I ever have of those who tie themselves to a particular faith.
So yes, as you stand all holier-than-thou in your churches, only to spew hate and bigotry every other day, know that your actions speak far, far louder than your words.
And if you truly believe (as you claim), then God knows that. Knows what is truly in that heart of yours.
I am sorry you feel like you must bring the entire country down with you. I am sorry that you feel like the entire world must succumb to your religious doctrine, your religious faith. I am sorry that you cannot grasp that "separation of Church & State" and "freedom of religion" are so integral to what the American society is supposed to be...
Because if you only want CHRISTIAN faith, and CHRISTIAN knowledge and CHRISTIAN doctrine and prayer-- but rebel at the idea that the Islamic faith or the Jewish faith or the Hindu faith or the Pagans or any of the other many, many other religions (and those who do not tie themselves to a particular religion at all)--would have equal opportunity and share and have their faith and "commandments" posted and beliefs made law...
Then you are a big, fucking HYPOCRITE.
But I honestly could expect nothing less.
You have a right to your religion. Your belief. Your practices. You can raise your children as secular or as religious as you wish. You can make your health decisions based on what you believe, based on your personal choices, your personal circumstances.
That is YOUR right.
What so many of you fail to understand is that you do NOT have the right to tell everyone else to live by your religion or your belief. To practice a faith that you hold. To make health decisions based on a religion that has nothing to do with them, or a government dictating what can and cannot be done in health decisions between a patient and a doctor.
The only people that should be allowed such a decision? The patient and the doctor. Anyone else that the patient wishes to bring into the conversation is the PATIENT'S choice.
Not. Yours.
Not the government's.
To finish this off (for now?), I'll say this...
I know it is tiring. It is exhausting, always fighting this fight. To prove, time and again, that we matter. That we (as women, as poc, as lgbtq+, as disabled, as mentally ill, etc) are real and living people deserving of a quality of life as good as anyone else. That none of us should be treated like second-class citizens.
And right now, I'm too utterly disgusted with everyone and so completely depressed-- I have gone in waves of feeling utter screaming rage, insane laughter, and numbness.
But then I go back to the beginning -- to media, to what has always been there:
"It's all wrong. By rights we shouldn't even be here. But we are. It's like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger they were, and sometimes you didn't want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad happened? But in the end, it's only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something. Even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Fold in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn't. Because they were holding on to something. What are we holding on to, Sam? That there's some good in this world, Mr. Frodo. And it's worth fighting for."
So we will fight. Because despite the bad, despite the disgust and the exhaustion that weighs so heavily, there is still that good. There are still those who try to fight for that sanity. For reason. For logic.
“I wish it need not have happened in my time," said Frodo.
"So do I," said Gandalf, "and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.”
#politics#us politics#kamala harris#ramblings of a mad woman#very long post#real life thoughts#I spent all day trying to figure out the right words#and I'm still not sure what they are#this is all disjointed#but I needed to write SOMETHING#I needed to express SOMETHING#I feel like this is some horrible nightmare that it's impossible to wake up from#and yet I'm also super numb and not feeling anything at all#to the rest of the world -- I am sorry#I am sorry that hatred won out like it did#I am sorry and disgusted that humanity has sunk so completely low#And while I am tired#and exhausted#and this just further proves that my cats and my books are all I need in life#I am just... numb#and full of rage at the same time
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insanely insanely insanely tempted to write a green character analysis/green angst (but with comfort) fic focused on his character and how it develops throughout the show when all of this is done...
...
i wish i didn't have so many things i have to do. i wish i could manage time correctly.
i wish i wasn't so burnt out at the moment.
#brain i hate you so much first you try and do things i'm don't have the skill to be capable of#and now you shit on all of my accomplishments and burnout#and you can't manage time correctly and i'm always tired and emotionally exhausted#ghost yells for no one to hear#just let me have my way for once! let me be able to do all of my schoolwork and ESPECIALLY finish my speech and case#AND HAVE ME WRITE THIS IF ANYONE'S INTERESTED.#IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?#/silly btw but lowkey srs i hate my brain sometimes#ava green#avm green#alan becker#animator vs animation#animation vs minecraft#ava influencer arc
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#yes i do want to die and i'm sick and tired of everyone and everything#but at least all the ''controversies'' that came out of the olympics this year regarding gender and stuff#have sparked pretty nice conversations with my mom and that's something that i treasure#like my aunt going INSANE about the ''last supper'' blasphemy that wasn't even about the last supper or even catholicism#that drained us both my mom and i bonded over how stupid my aunt was and also how even if it WAS about the last supper (which it's not)#it was still not a offensive thing lol#and now about this boxer woman#and even stuff have sparked convos with my brother like how we ridicule the fact that shit like archery is divided by gender lol#so although i do want to kill myself out of sheer exhaustion#and i also want to start killing people who are shitty or annoying...#at least i know my mom brother and i are pretty much on the same page of everything...#(and at least my mom and i want to leave the planet lol#my brother bless him is unfazed... he's always unfazed... i envy him so fucking much)#anyways... i'm gonna continue to work through tears because i don't have time to have a breakdown right now lol#angel talks#personal
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