#I'm sure there are some issues that bother some folks and not others and that's fine

[dduane]

Do you have any proven IBS friendly recipes you'd care to share on The Mind Palate? It's so hard to think of new things to cook when you tolerate like 5 vegetables 🥲.

Btw did you know there's another website called "mind palate", just without the "the"?

As regards IBS: I wouldn't dare share recipes purporting to be useful for other folks with this issue, as every kind of IBS is different. And even for any single IBS-haver, a recipe that's safe for you one week might not be safe for you two weeks later... because the ingredients have varied, or the relative amounts of them have varied, or something you're having with them might differ in ways that throw off their interaction with your gut. :/ This is a pain in the butt, but (shrug) here we are.

To manage my IBS—as there is at present no known cure, no matter what some people claim—I use the well-known Monash University FODMAP-based approach. When I started using it a few years ago—on realizing that some food-related symptoms I was experiencing mapped very closely onto descriptions of IBS symptoms—the abdominal troubles I was experiencing decreased by sort of 95% almost immediately.

The message was too straightforward to ignore. I immediately started adjusting my diet along FODMAP-conscious lines in an Every-Woman-Her-Own-Test-Tube sort of way, and quickly started discovering what gave me the most trouble. (To my intense annoyance, the chief answer to this question, among various others, was "onions and garlic." Two of my absolutely favorite things, and I find it hard to express how INCREDIBLY PISSED OFF this makes me.)

I'm also lactose-intolerant, but for that all I have to do is take a pill. As regards other IBS-triggering foods, there's no known way to stop the bad effects once they start. Some medications will let you offset some of the worst effects in their very early stages... if you take the meds soon enough. But you can't usually tell for sure until six to eight hours or so after a given meal whether "you chose poorly...", and whether you're going to spend the next two to three days bedridden, in more or less constant abdominal pain, and useless for any kind of work.

(sigh) Anyway. I'm fortunately not troubled too much by vegetables as a class.* Though I find (to my intense annoyance) that when I'm lucky enough to be in the right parts of Europe around Spargelzeit, asparagus is pretty much now off my menu. Like many other IBS-managing folk, I do have to be very careful around beans, pulses in general, and some kinds of fruit; and I have to limit my serving sizes/consumption.

(shrug) It's all an ongoing challenge. I had sixty-plus years of eating any damn thing I pleased, in whatever amounts I pleased, whenever I pleased. Now I have to very closely read ingredients labels to make sure there's nothing in a given innocuous-looking bag of snacks that's going to land me on my back for days. :) If it gets no worse than this for me, I'm sure I can cope. I'm just glad I'm in the EU, where detailed ingredients labeling is mandated even for street food stalls, and is also clearer than it is in a lot of other parts of the world.

Meanwhile: I'm sorry not to be of more help to you in this regard. I wish you good fortune in your journey to find safer veggies.

As regards other people's "mind palate" branding and websites: There are five or six different versions of the domain name out there. They don't bother us. I've been a Sherlockian for more than sixty years, and I'll make my puns (from newer variants on the great Theme) where I please. Those other users of the site name or similar domains? (shrug)

*...BTW, it's been brought to my attention recently that a rumor was making the rounds that I'm a vegetarian. (Once again, and not for the first time, wondering how the hell these things get started...?!) 😄 I'm an omnivore, and have never from the beginnings of my time in public life/fandom claimed to be otherwise. (And plainly, no one who's bought into this has ever seen me getting to grips with a steak. Vide this recent steak, last October I think, at Davy Byrnes—"the Moral Pub" as James Joyce once called it—in Dublin. It was yummy. And in the middle of it I had the concept for a really unusual novel occur to me. Meanwhile, that Hollandaise was lovely.)

(...but shrugging in a helpless way about the rumor) Maybe somebody saw me pass on all the meat-ish possibilities at some convention banquet in favor of the vegetarian one? That would simply have been because it looked better than anything else on offer. But right now, because of the IBS, meat and fish are (maybe paradoxically) safest for me. Go figure.

...Meanwhile—all that aside—as a fan of the place's cuisine for many years, I direct everyone's attention to the noble and excellent restaurant Hiltl (known to its fans as Hiltl Vegi), the world's oldest continuously operating vegetarian restaurant, in Zürich: a place old enough for Sherlock Holmes to have eaten there (and where I hope to send him yet). Come for the (predominantly Indian) lunch buffet. Stay for the wine list (one of the best in the city). :)

[dragon-babe]

hi! in your toriel alcoholism post you said something along the lines of "there's so many themes of neglect in deltarune" and i wanted to ask maybe you'd like to talk about that indepth? I'd like to read your thoughts on that (or maybe you already did somewhere?)

Sure! Others are probably a bit more eloquent with explaining it (I'm good at noticing themes, not always the best at verbalizing them lol) but I'll do my best to hit the broad strokes

that being that member of our main cast experiences neglect in one form or another!

Noelle has a basically work-focused absent mother. She's frequently locked out of her house and for one reason or another, can't get the key from her mom (she's too busy, she chastises Noelle for bothering her therefore Noelle is afraid to ask) idk if you've heard of latchkey kids, but Noelle is one (and doesn't even have said latchkey half the time!) We also see that when the two do interact, Carol is incredibly authoritarian and controlling. There seems to be no warmth there at all, creating emotional insecurity in Noelle. Not to mention leaving her unsupervised on the Internet. Her father is very loving and supportive, but due to his illness is largely absent as a parental figure. he does what he can, but it seems very limited.

Lancer's dad is self explanatory bc of chapter 1, dude tried to throw him off the roof and showed no remorse.

We know nothing specific about Susie's family life, but we know she moved around a lot and never made a friend before Kris. Many folks headcanon her being in the foster system, and that seems entirely possible. Regardless of what her exact home situation is, she doesn't talk about it (red flag), was prone to violent outbursts before Kris (red flag), doesn't call home to let her family know she was spending the night (red flag!) and no one calls asking for her the next day. If she has a family, they don't seem to care how/where she is at any point.

Ralsei is more complicated, with no parents at all to really base off of. But the fact that he had no one at all is something to consider. he's memorized this prophecy and internalized that it's his purpose to serve the lightners at any cost. Ralsei neglects himself.

And then we get to Kris. Adopted child, the only human in the entire town (one could compare this to white people in 99% white towns adopting Asian children and the intense alienation/identity issues that inflicts on the child, but that's not really my place to comment on in depth!), incredibly autistic coded, older brother goes off to college and leaves them to deal with the fallout of their parents divorce alone! and like. Toriel and asgore are both sweet people and do an ok job, but they don't act like parents sometimes.

Asgore is obsessive over his ex wife, everything seems to be some attempt to win her back, and when Toriel ices him out, he ropes Kris in. Take these flowers to your mom, do you think we'll be a normal family again when your brother gets back? What an awful and uncomfortable position to put your child in! He also talks to Kris not as a father but as a friend. You can be friends with your kid obviously, but you need to be a parent First. Asgore needs to grow up and not dump his emotional burden on his literal child.

and Toriel. Sweet overbearing Toriel. Who doesn't want Kris watching MTV and goes to church every weekend. But is known for how she gets while drinking. Who, while her child was fighting desperately to try to save her, locks the house, doesn't tell Kris where she's at after changing plans, invited (essentially) a stranger over to their house, and got drunk. without knowing where her child was in the storm. didn't call Kris once like she did in chapter 1. Kris, after having gone thru the biggest ordeal this far, returns home exhausted to find her perfectly safe and blackout drunk. there's a lot of evidence this isn't the first time either. Susie leaves the situation immediately (hm!) and Toriel doesn't check in on Kris and just sorta offers food (that isn't there when you check the fridge!) So like, Toriel is a warm parent, but not reliable. Kris doesn't feel like they can turn to her for support.

So. yeah. Neglect is prevalent in deltarune

[nothorses]

hi sorry to bother u about this, i searched around transmasc subreddits for an answer to this and while i saw a few people joking about getting dry cramps, nobody seems to know what this is. and i vaguely remember seeing a post by you mentioning "mystery cramps" in a post also about vaginal atrophy, but I didnt pay attention to the post much at the time bc at that point i wasnt experiencing atrophy or mystery cramps.

but now I'm a bit over a year on T, (my periods stopped only about 4 months ago though, because i was on a much lower dose than most for a lot longer time than most. that ~4 months ago time frame lines up with upping my dose from 0.2 to 0.3ml. i'm on 0.4ml tho now as of about 3 weeks ago) and suddenly i'm getting "mystery cramps" sometimes, it seems to happen especially the night before my T-shot day, (but i cant say that with certainty—i know i'm having them right now and my shot day is tomorrow morning, and i think thats been the case, but i dont know for sure) and they feel exactly like period cramps. to the point where i feel super paranoid that maybe i've been injecting improperly and the testosterone isnt absorbing right and my period is actually coming back. (something i often have nightmares about)

i searched your blog again for that post and did find it, (the one about estradiol cream treating it) but the wording of it is a little unclear and i wanted to just clarify that this is the same thing youre talking about? or if what im experiencing is different than the "mystery cramps" you meant and i should see a doctor

I am for sure not a doctor, and I think you should see one either way!

My personal understanding of the "mystery cramps" is that it's a part of "vaginal atrophy" that some, but not all trans folks who go on T experience, and it usually doesn't start until a couple of years on T ( which is also, to my knowledge, based on more standard doses as opposed to "low-dose" T).

Mine started about two years in, and was happening occasionally at first- always at night, and often the day before my T shot- then progressed to several nights a week over time. Nowadays I tend to experience cramping almost every time I so much as miss one dose of estradiol. Ibuprofen and Midol are the only OTC pain relievers that seem to do the trick, and the cramping will keep me up through the entire night untreated. It also tends to come in fairly predictable waves (spaced maybe 15-30 minutes apart) and right before I started estradiol, I remember getting some light spotting as well.

iirc, I talked to my PCP when it was just starting up, and their response was along the lines of "that's weird, let's keep an eye on it". I moved and didn't have a PCP for a while, so when the spotting started, I went to a walk-in urgent care clinic and talked to them. They gave me a referral for an ultrasound, and encouraged me to go to a "women's health" clinic that had long history of specializing in trans care as well. When I talked to the folks at that clinic, they encouraged me to go through with the ultrasound (I didn't), and prescribed estradiol cream because I asked them to and they didn't see a reason not to try it.

If you think it's possible this is what's going on with you, I would really encourage you to talk to a doctor, specifically bring up research around this issue and estradiol cream as a treatment option, and ask them if there's a reason not to try it just to see if it does anything for you. If nothing else, estradiol cream also treats vaginal dryness, tightness, and inflammation (other symptoms of "vaginal atrophy"), so it might be worth a shot for those reasons anyway!

And don't do what I did; if they want you to do an ultrasound or whatever else, go with it, and rule out other possibilities. Listen to medical advice from medical professionals who know your medical history and who you trust are listening to you & know what they're talking about.

[chaosroid]

I've talked about this before in discord servers so I might as well share my thoughts here as well. I feel like the inclusion of polyamory in BG3 was handled sloppily. Let me preface this by saying I have no issue with poly in general. Really, it's the way it was executed in this game that confuses me. More specifically, it doesn't make sense to me how the poly companions (Shadowheart and Astarion) react to certain dialogue options you can pick and the inconsistencies in characterization that come with it.

If you suggest an open relationship with Shadowheart regarding another companion, she is completely against the idea and explicitly tells you she doesn't want to be your spare lover.

Yet, shortly into act 3, her entire stance changes when it comes to Halsin and she's suddenly cool with it. And before you say "Oh well, she knows Halsin isn't a serious romantic partner so she's not worried", that's the thing, he CAN be a serious romantic partner. And one of the things you can tell her is "He wants me, and I want him. I'm not sure there's space for you and I", ultimately treating Shadowheart like, well, essentially a spare lover, and she's not only fine with it, but encourages this. Does she just not know that your relationship with Halsin can be serious? Because otherwise it feels very ooc for her.

I feel like none of this would've been an issue if SH was just written from the start to be okay in a poly relationship with every companion, instead of this flip fop where she's not okay with it for two entire acts before suddenly being okay with it in act 3 but it's weirdly exclusive to only Halsin. It's that inconsistency that lowkey bothers me.

I have similar issues with Astarion, because some of his reactions to what you can say makes no sense either. Here you have a man who just started rediscovering his sexual boundaries, but when you tell him you want to hook up with Halsin, he'll ask if it's only because he's not putting out enough. You can prove his worry correct and apparently he's okay with this (the dev notes confirm it).

We're supposed to believe he's not hurt by what you said? 'Oh gee, I finally wanna be seen for more than a sex slave but I'm totally fine with my partner fucking someone else the second I refuse sexual intimacy because of my trauma!'. It's just so in bad taste.

You can say things that go completely against what Astarion and SH would want to hear, and they'll still be like "Yep, alright! Have fun with Halsin!". This game has some of the most mature representations of sexual trauma but will then simultaneously turn around and reduce these characters to fanservice, because the people need to have their cake and eat it too I guess.

And sure, you can make the argument that they only trust Halsin with this sort of thing. But the fact that Halsin and his romance only got added late into the game because of horny fans from EA leads me to believe that the far simpler answer is that it was just tacked on last minute without much thought given to whether or not it would actually make sense. Halsin and SH don't even like each other in act 2, she honestly has more chemistry with Karlach (a companion who can actually fantasize about threesomes in her origin btw) and was smitten with her as early as act 1. But I guess for all the folks who wanted a fully wlw poly relationship, that's just not possible because your only option is a man :)

Again, I have nothing against Astarion and SH being poly. It's their jarring responses to some of Tav's dialogue options, in which I genuinely don't believe they would be okay with hearing those things nor would they respond so flippantly.

tl;dr They would not fucking say that

[thecircularsystem]

I wrote up a post last night as I've been thinking a lot about recovery, the DID community, and as always, syscourse (ugh).

I think that people... overestimate how much DID really matters in my life, while simultaneously underestimating it, and I think that folks do that to recovered systems (or systems in recovery) a lot.

My parts, amnesia, and dissociation all impact my life greatly. Hello, reason I have a diagnosis in the first place? But the issue is, I don't really think about it 24/7. Sure, my blog talks a lot about these things, but in my daily life? It's just... life. I go to work, I do my job, I come home, I write, I eat, I go to bed eventually. Usually put some grading and some gaming in there. People tend to overestimate how much DID is impacting my daily life because it really doesn't. And I get people telling me how I'm an inspiration for being "openly a DID system" and how they can look up to me -- and I get it, I really do, I feel the same way about a lot of recovered systems. But I worry about this... pedestal that recovery gets put on. I worry about how much people attribute my life's work... to "A DID system's work" rather than "Circ's work."

I might be somewhat publicly multiple -- and yes, I plan to increase my visibility in that regard, cause it is important to me... but I'm reminded of a piece of art by Anna Daliza, titled "Artist Bio."

How many people think of "Circ" as a circle on a screen? How many think of "Circ" as a system in recovery? How many think of "Circ" as a syscourser, and that's it? I know that the original artistic intention was surrounding the culture of prioritizing identity politics and tokenized diversity in popular culture/media, but.. I'm feeling it. How much of my work is valued, not because of the words they say, but because of the person who is saying them being on this beautiful pedestal of "Recovery"?

I think people look at that word and guess that it's like... Some sort of ideal in some ways. They inherently place emphasis on the DID by placing emphasis on the recovery.

But that right there is where the underestimation also comes in. Because I talk a lot about where I'm at in recovery, and how I find joy in my DID, and how DID isn't really impacting my life negatively anymore... and people seem to take that as not impacting me... at all anymore.

DID is part of my identity. It is part of who I am. I am not just me; I am 15 people in a trench-coat trying to sneak into a movie theater. And as I sneak in successfully, I laugh with my partner about the huge deal I got on tickets, because now it's so cheap for 15 people! I tell my friends jokes about the people in my head. I discuss things with other parts and hear them fucking around in my brain. I crack jokes at work that slip under the radar because they don't know, and I find joy in that.

I also equally struggle. I lose time, I have panic attacks, I argue with myself and my own cognitive dissonance. I can't sleep, can barely eat, can barely take care of myself many, many days. I still have hardship due to my disorder -- it disorders my life, after all. And it feels like mentioning this is somehow taboo in some way, now.

It is a vital, huge part of my life, even while not being on this ever-present pedestal. I cannot ignore it; it will never go away. And I don't... really want it to. I love having DID, I won't lie. I love myself, and I love who I am. But it's loving my life just as much as I love the disorder I have; it's loving who I am just as much as the disorder. My recovery is not on a pedestal; I am, for the work I have put in, and since my DID is part of me, it's here too.

People seem to look at recovery as if it's a cure. As if the DID is somehow no longer bothering me at all, just because I've slapped a label of "in recovery" on myself. And worst still, there's like a silent (or not so silent) judgement from parts of the community if I begin struggling visibly, or even just loudly having my disorder. Like having this disorder inherently means I can't recover.

I mean, for fucks sakes: the amount of times I see others mentioning that final fusion can "fail," for instance, and "you can still split again" when discussing how DID is a lifelong disorder...

How could one look at someone's recovery and say they failed?

And in that case, it's considered a failure... to struggle. To experience a coping mechanism that is built in due to the disorder. To... experience fucking DID.

Almost like still having DID impact you is, somehow, a failure. A bad thing. Something that needs "fixed."

Speaking up about any impact it has on me seems to go against the ideas of recovery the community has, because they look at recovery in such a way that they underestimate the impact DID has on me.

My therapist and I recently discussed my role in my system now, since I used to be around solely to... hate everything, but mostly myself. I was a depression holder, and labeled myself as such or similar. But in recent years, my role has completely changed. My title is currently "Pride Alter," though I don't have that shown off because I'm a bit shy about it I won't lie. Like. That seems like a huge badge of honor, but a lot of... scrutiny comes with it.

I'm almost ashamed that I love my disorder. That I love who I am -- not despite what's happened, but because I love myself, disorder and all. I've accepted my disorder as part of me. And it feels like I'm surrounded by others who... hate me for that. Not directly, not to my face, but... needless to say, the concept of loving yourselves is foreign in a lot of the community. And I was right there with you, very much so not long ago... But now I feel like I'm intruding, somehow, because I'm breaking the expectations.

I'm either allowed to be blatantly and overtly a person who happens to have DID loudly, and people overestimate how much it impacts my life due to that...

Or I'm allowed to struggle, even a little bit, and people underestimate how much it impacts my life...

And in both of those cases, I feel like the community ignores those like me who are in recovery. Who are working hard to improve their own lives. People that I look up to for the work they've put in also seem to share these sentiments, from what I've seen (though please feel free to correct me if I'm wrong!), so like.

What's up with that, I guess?

[genderqueerdykes]

Hey hello! this is probably a weird ask but I'm having a bit of a moral dilemma? when I've heard stuff like "you might gain weight going on T" it's been giving me nothing but joy for the future. Like I actively Want To Get Bigger? I'm really skinny now, and have been all my life, and I keep getting comments from people being like "woahh you're so thin I wish I was as skinny as you" and like. I feel bad for wanting to be larger? I know fat people face a LOT of problems and discrimination due to their size, and it's not like I'm not aware of that, but I'm worried this is some weird fetishizing thing I need to unpack. me wanting to be fat that is, and loving the idea of gaining weight on T. like, going from skinny hairless girl > fat hairy man is something I really really want, and is basically a transition goal atp. But I haven't said anything about this bc I'm worried this is disrespectful to fat folk or just downright gross?? idk

that is not fetishizing, you're okay, you should never be made to feel bad for wanting to be bigger, i'm so sorry people are treating you that way

they are objectifying your body and i am so sorry. your body is yours, not theirs. the thing a lot of people don't want to accept is that some people genuinely want to be larger, chubby, fat, and so on. some people genuinely want to be a weight that's higher than what's considered "normal" and that's genuinely not a problem. like i don't get how people don't understand that someone's weight impacts them and them alone. and no it doesn't impact their doctors, because doctors need to be open to working with all body types

people are so possessive and weird about body weight. people feel so entitled to each others' bodies that they will take someone else's weight gain personally. as if it's an affront to them. (or are they upset because this affects whether or not they're attracted to you...?) even people who claim to be fat liberation will get pissed off at people who want to gain weight on purpose. there's nothing wrong with gaining weight on purpose. it's not going to inherently cause health problems for you, and if it does, you can tackle that when it comes. but people are so weirdly possessive of others' bodies. like. i don't think this behavior comes from a standpoint of concern for that person's health.

we are so fucked up about weight that i genuinely think that when they see a well fed fat person they get pissed off because that can't be them. that person is too concerned about dieting and losing weight and toning up and cutting back calories and going without and skipping meals and ignoring cravings. like. it's a projection of how that person feels about their own weight. their taking out their issues about not being able to eat what they want and be the size they want. so much of this comes from internalized fatphobia. most people who get pissed off when fat people enjoy being fat and enjoy eating are people who desperately want to be able to eat what they want, too, but get mad when they see someone who's doing it because they just don't have the courage. a lot of the time it's jealousy

also keep in mind that a lot of people actually like being "overweight" "obese" and so on because they have issues with disordered eating, gastrointestinal issues, anxiety, personality disorders, cancer, chronic illness, or anything else that might lead someone to struggle to keep on weight. for some people, being fat is actually safer.

a lot of people who go on T do so with the goal in mind to be a big fat hairy guy. i was already fat, but i that was my goal as well. i wanted to stay fat. i wanted to add some muscle and then stay fat, which is what i'm doing. so many other trans guys want this. i'm sure many will speak up on this post!

anyways, i'm sorry people have made you feel like that. it's your body you get to choose what weight you feel the most comfortable at. ive never been bothered by my weight. i don't feel held back by it. this is just the weight ive been for almost my entire life. i don't care if the way i look offends someone else, i'm the one who sees me all day long, not them. i'm gonna look the way i want for me, not for anyone else. good luck anon, feel free to come back any time. you are allowed to do whatever you want with your body

[lurkingshan]

Dear Shan, I discovered your blog recently and it has been a delight to go through your very insightful takes on BL. I am learning a lot. I love Bad Buddy a lot and since I learned you love it too I thought maybe I could ask you about something that has been bothering me. Another BL blog (ineffable opinions) claims that the series does common queer people in Thailand dirty by making fun of their appropriation of the word wife. I have read posts by absolutebl explaining the term might be a pejorative-adjacent and that made sense then. But on a second thought, I am worried if my western upbringing is leading to some confirmation bias on my part.

Hi anon, thank you for reading! There's a lot to unpack in your question, some of which I am not qualified to address, but here's what I'll say:

I have the blog you are referencing blocked because their main purpose on this website seems to be posting confrontational screeds that make ad hominem attacks against other people for attention, hidden behind a veneer of intellectual language to make it sound academic (it's not)

That said, that doesn't mean every criticism they offer is totally without validity. I am not really qualified to unpack their claims here about how queer people in Thailand may feel about this term or Bad Buddy's intentional rejection of it (neither are they, as they are not a queer Thai person).

But I do know that Bad Buddy was in fact made by a queer Thai man, and one of its running themes was intentional subversion of common bl tropes, including rejecting the use of "wifey" and other heteronormative language. Through this show, Aof Noppharnach is speaking directly to his own community and commenting on the tropes of the genre that he does not find helpful to queer men.

That said, queer men in any country are not a monolith and I'm sure there are some who like to use that language, which is certainly their right. They are also free to make art expressing their own POV about these issues.

That's what I got on that! As a western person engaging with Asian media, it's good that we recognize the limits of our own context and don't try to speak for people we do not represent. I feel no need to plant a flag on this debate, but I do think it's an interesting thing to consider, and it's part of a conversation that happens globally around the reclamation of slurs and heteronormative terms for queer folks.

[eltingville-s-crypticterror]

Younglings, SCRAM!!!!!!

Adults are talkin'!!!!!!

CURSES!!! VEXES!!!!! BAD LUCK EV'N!!!!!!

If I see you kids hangin' around these bloody dangerous blocks, your old FOLKS will get a mighty earful of you OGGLIN' on private mature matters. Ya heaar that? AN EARFUL!!!!!!

STOP TRESSPASSIN'

HOPES NOT GONNA BE THE ONLY THANG Y'ALL ABANDON ONCE YE ENTER HERE

DON'T IGNORE THE GIGANTIC RED SIGNS!

RETREAT!!! RETREAT I TELL YA!!!!

RETREAT!!!!!!!!

...

Bloody hell, swear to god, these fledgelings gotta quit forcin' maturity at some point. Many GOSH DARN THINGS under the sun to supply self's pastime and leisure with, yet they REEEALLY had t' bother the mighty few spaces where I can freely share my grievances and shit without worryin' for their safety... sighhhhh

Devil's gotta do them Devil's work...

Only the grown-ups here? Good.

Welcome to Eltingville Club or some shit. There used to be some long ass precursory introduction and initiation process thingy for anyone that's applyin', but c'mon now. No need to do that. It's just us talkin' here.

Don't mention I had let y'all through like this so easily to any of the other guys though. Specially Levy. That guy is a real stickler for documentations and followin' procedures.

Call me Monty. Full name? You a cop or somethin? Nah, just messin'. It is Monte-Verje Frayna Regulto ... I know, it's a gosh darn fuckin' mouthful, I swear if I had a nickel for everytime I hear that typa response- That's what you get for havin' a culture colonized exhaustively multiple times. Now, you gotta hoooonor a BUNCH of surnames from some unknown this and the other, that somehow got mixed into the bloodline. Yeah no I'm not originally from here. Family fled from the Philippines once martial law started happenin'. Could only keep wonderin' how that land's still holdin up to this point...

Oi....You sly fuckin' bastard! You made me talk too much about myself while only wielding your silence somehow. I swear, your presence will do GREATLY in like some extreme interrogation process. We tackled that kinda tactic in a class last weekend actually. Heh, yeah, studying criminal justice. Third year now and on my way to gettin that forensic arts job title babyyyy.

What do you mean all these shit's irrelevant to the club? I AM PART OF THE CLUB. I AM THE SECRETARY OF TOONS AND CRYPTID HUNTING. I'M THE ONLY ONE'S AVAILABLE HERE, SO OF COURSE I'M GONNA TALK ABOUT MYSELF! YOU'D RATHER ME IGNORE YOUR ASS INSTEAD AND BE APATHETIC TO YOUR PRESENCE YOU UNTHINKING, STINKING FUC-

Woaaaaaah woah WOAH... woah there- oh fuck, sounded too much like a real big Dickey for a second. Sorry, I'm really sorry, I'm mighty awful for explodin', anger issues speaking, my bad. I uhh yeah trust me, I'm actually... I'm actually a really chill, level-headed guy like uhh usually, I dunno why I sounded so gosh darn intense there-

This... this is somehow the perfect timing to segway to inform y'all 'bout the club activities. We actually have a scheduled time slot for visiting rage rooms. If I'm neurotic, god forbid you guys meeting the others heh just kidding, all those dorks are their own flavor of being lovable actually. You oughta just give em all some fair chance. Lotsa boundary establishin' and repetitive understandin' and comedic cycles of fights for dignity then forgiveness, but trust me, issalll worthit.

But uhh yeah, rage rooms, we do that, alongside adrenaline releasing stuff and karaoke sessions and general emotional releasin' and physical fitness stuff. People forget entertainment and self-care IS also a passion. If you're secretly self-loathing, I'll make sure you're gonna quit that shit, that's not a suggestion, that's a fuckin' threat START LOVIN' YOURSELF RIGHT FUCKIN NOW MATE!

Nah, I'm not angry this time. Just being performatively loud for the bit. Screaming's just so fun to me, you should try it more. Oh shoot, do let me know if you got volume issues tho, I'm kinda obligated to like inform the other guys bout every member's sensibilities.

OH FUCK ME IN THE ASS, GOING BACK TO THE CLUB ACTIVITIES TOPIC-

We all have our own schtick going on, you're bound to eventually latch on an interest that exactly suits your fancy.

Jerry's the fantasy guy. Heard about Magic the Gathering and DND? Yeah, he's quite famous in the community actually. Don't be intimidated though, he's approachable. Quite a perfect introductory guide actually. Trust me, his sessions are really beginner friendly. Jer prioritizes the storytelling and roleplaying side of things over the complicated numbers and stats. Once you got a solid grasp on how the gameplays work though, you gain like a whole 'nother appreciation for the stuff.

Josh got the extensive knowledge for all things Sci-fi, I could actually show you his blogs and YouTube channel later. He kinda do those hours long restrospective videos, as well as iceberg dives and pinpointing small, interconnecting details. He's quite articulated with his recommendations and if you already have a knack for all things techy and expanding fictional worlds and societal aspects, you two will heavily get along.

Pete might be a familiar face if you frequent in Fangoria. Yeah, no, that is the same guy on the picture frame there. The most annoying grin that is just oh so punchable...

...

Y'know, he kinda got the biggest ego here that needs to be knocked down a peg or two.

Oh no, I'm not downplaying his accomplishments. As his spouse, I'll always be proud of how far he had come with like his skills and prosthetics and practical effects and yada yada affirmations but COME ON. That asshole keeps getting too fucking generous with overworking details on his projects! Watch him aaaallllways go back home too late at night. Guess who had to deal with his loud ass snores, you'd mistake that loud shit for some grating chainsaw in a campy horror flick. YEAH ME, DUH, NO BRAINER! Please, for the love of fuck and my sanity, refrain from complimenting that bastard. He's already unbearable as he is, don't further inflate his agonizingly erected ego-

Yeesh got too personal there- shit should I had just read the script in the first place? Scratch all the trash I'd said uhh Pete. Secretary of spooky stuffs. Classic horror movie binges as well as costume design and monster concept activities. He does free workshops actually, teaches like anyone's interested workin' in the horror industry. I'll grab you the details in case you're interested.

Bill's got all kinds of comics your heart could ever hope for. Yeah, the big shop around the corner, that's his establishment. Kinda wild to say that out loud, knowing the place used to be Big Joe's. Ya askin who Big Joe is? Joe. Youre askin about Joe. I am an adult and I have self-restraint.

Ignore what I muttered there, to answer your question, Joe Gargagliano's some old fuck who got sent to prison after assaulting a cop. Bastard thought he could collect some insurance if he reattempts to burn the comic shop after like the initial incident. Said initial incident may or may not involve the Eltingville Club itself, I am not legally obligated to tell you everything. If you wanna know the whole truth, ask Bill.

Oh yeah, we're talking about Bill. He actually ends up gettin' 'nough funds to own the property.

In true spirit of Eltingville Club, the place got repurposed into a variety store. All types of interests are welcome there, not just comics. In case you got any kiddos, you can take them to the place. There's a designated activity room for them. Meanwhile us old fucks can hang out, do tabletops and clink soms drinks right on the other side.

What's with that stare, you got nothing to worry about. Bill runs a highly integrated business. Besides, his partners Jerry and Mandi alternatively takes charge on monitoring the youngins. Of all people in this planet, trust my word when I say it's the Eltingville Club pioneers who'd never underestimate the chaotically destructive tendencies of teens. Oh the many tales you gotta catch up on.

Hmm? You doing okay? You kinda have this sort of an overwhelmed expression in your face...

Look, you shouldn't feel like any type of pressure. Really. This club's all about having good fun. If you're feeling like any sort of arising inferiority complex or competitiveness, snuff that flame down. Been in that headspace. There's like nothing good that comes out with entertaining that sort of thinking pattern, it's like a pointless ouroboros of vitriolic loathing. Feedin' hate with more hate. Your initial reaction with hearing 'bout other's success shouldn't be envy. It should inspiration. Aspiration even.

I'm actually a no-namer myself, you know. If I strip myself down to the barest description, like some impartial game stat narrator, I'm basically just some undergrad student, workin as a bouncer to make ends meet. But see, I vehemently reject meritocracy. Your worth as a person isn't defined by some arbitrary labels or titles or achievements.

Now, don't get my nutsacks twisted. I am not saying to give up on your resolution altogether, that's quite bleak. If you got a thing in mind you're targetin' to have for yourself, claim that shit, work your way up there.

With that said, learnin' to be content with yourself is also an important skill, you know? Focus less on lookin' at the empty space you don't have, shift your view to the lotta stuffs you already got with you.

That's why I personally don't believe in the concept of "having no personality". That's a silly goose talk.

New members often confide how they feel unworthy of their titles. Reasoning goes along the lines of "but there's already a Secretary for that!"

And? That's a'ight!

It's a broad genre, you simply hadn't pinpointed your niche. It's absolutely okay to have multiple adorers of the same thing. Absolutely no shame, no matter what number comes after your title. You're always worthy of it.

Feeling conscious you don't know that much? Learn. Expand your horizon. Just be earnest on exploring stuffs and hearing out what others got to say. Never forget to respect dignity and ideas, however far it may differ from yours. You'll never grow if you're so closed off with your views of what's good, what's bad. What's the best and what's the worst. Eventually, you'll have a collection of different perspectives that will refine your own.

When you reached at that point, you'll find yourself really attuned to seeing the nuance in any topic there ever is, no matter the genre. And even if you're not particularly heavily opinionated, there's still value from your presence. Appreciation doesn't always have to be expressed verbally after all. Sometimes, revisiting the stuff with good friends is enough. The club's never meant for pointless arguments.

Isn't this supposed to be about having fun?

...

I think I uhhh... I think I had said everythin' that needs to be said. At least I hope I've properly like uhh informed you with all the important stuffs. Literally, just approach me or any of the other members if you got any questions anytime. No one's gonna chuck an axe at your skull just for an ask.

We already outgrew our pettiness long ago.

Oh yeah, one last thing

Welcome to Eltingville Club.

Anything and Everything Eltingville will be here.

Feel free to interact if not a minor

Feel free to ask any questions in regards to Mont, The Eltingville Club members in this au, The Eltingville Club in my canon-compliant takes, my general insights in and out of character, favorite toons, most fond cryptid lore, the specific shade of color of Epilogue Pete's hoodie (HEX: #463E65 , CLOSEST PANTONE: 5265 , CHROMATIC PAINT: VIOLET-TOURACO DORVAL, RAL: EVENING MAUVE), basically ANYTHING and everything you can think of, it's all mighty welcome here

Feel free to request fanart or doodle ideas (fellow Eltingville oc/sona havers, flock to my submission box!)

I'm mostly good with starting and giving prompts and concepts but horrendously bad at following through (slow artist/writer combo blerghhh). Feel free to take any of my stuffs and writings and sketches here and do your own spin. I absolutely welcome additional, expansive spin-offs, rewrites, redraws, fanarts and allll that good shyde. Take this also as an invitation if you want me to do art trades, voice acts, world building expansion, and collabs with you! I love gathering more Eltingville moots!!!!

Who the fuck is @unreone ? Sounds like some kind of ancient, rotting hag that's been hiding inside a cave for far too long.

[yanderes-galore]

Can I get a romantic/platonic Hosea concept please?

He'd be so protective of you... Bill, Sean, or Micah couldn't mess with you. I need advice on how to make him a better yandere... I got nothing, man.

Yandere Hosea Matthews Concept

Pairing: Platonic/Platonic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Overprotective behavior, Manipulation, Violence, Blood, Murder implied, Smothering behavior, Age gap (If romantic), Dubious companionship/relationship.

Hosea is definitely a protective yandere with a no-nonsense attitude.

Despite being an outlaw, Hosea doesn't usually solve problems through violence like Dutch and Arthur.

He tends to talk things out and talks down situations.

However... He is definitely capable of violence.

Hosea just seems to be a subtle protective and caring yandere.

He isn't all that possessive.

In fact, regardless of his intentions, you may see him as a guardian in a way.

He'd be a platonic yandere most of the time I feel.

Many members in the gang see him like a father figure.

However, I'm not saying him as a romantic yandere is impossible.

In fact, I think he'd even treat a partner well.

Hosea is very nurturing, looking out for you despite his failing health.

He only ever seems to want you happy.

Honestly, it may be hard to see any red flags in him.

You're both outlaws, both capable of crime.

You know Hosea isn't innocent as one of the first members of Dutch's gang.

While he doesn't prefer murder, it comes with the lifestyle.

His most toxic trait is probably being smothering at times.

Even then he just seems concerned for your safety and health.

He wants you happy and healthy, as he himself knows what it's like to be sick.

Despite being close to Dutch, their yandere behaviors are definitely different.

Dutch is possessive, violent, and a bit unhinged as RDR2 plays out.

Hosea would give you more freedom.

While both of the older men are smothering, Hosea isn't possessive.

He just... looks out for you.

He's willing to do whatever it takes to do that, too.

He may not be as young as he used to be... yet he still wants to make sure you aren't in any unnecessary trouble.

I don't think he'd follow you around too often.

As said before, his health isn't what it used to be.

There's times he'll accompany you to places, but he isn't going to do any stalking.

He'll accompany you to saloons if you go, or just around towns on horseback.

If he can't do it, he sends someone else like Arthur to watch you.

Even if he gives you freedoms, he still isn't trusting you alone.

You always have a supervisor... a babysitter.

Someone needs to report back to him so you aren't in any trouble.

It gives him peace of mind.

After all, you mean a lot to him.

Be that another young soul to nurture like Arthur and John... or maybe a new love, something he hasn't had in a long time.

He doesn't mind other people talking to you.

Unless they're Bill, Micah, or Sean.

Hosea never seems to have any patience for folk like them.

They're a bad influence, complete trouble.

You may even see him chewing them out for one reason or another.

Especially if they messed with you.

(Which now brings the idea of a Platonic Hosea, who's protective of you like a father... with Romantic Sean/Micah/Bill trying to court you... An idea for another day, maybe?)

Hosea respects your emotions and treats them seriously.

If someone hurts you, Hosea himself will confront the issue.

He may be a little old for it... but some blood staining his coat doesn't bother him too much if it's for you.

Hosea has no doubt shot someone over you at least once.

You can't talk your way out of everything.

That, or maybe Hosea deems what they did to you too heinous to let them live.

Not many people mess with you... Even when Hosea isn't around all the time.

They know, despite his age, Hosea is fierce.

It's obvious he's taken a liking to you.

In what way is up to you.

If platonic, he acts like an overprotective father figure.

Illness or not, he enjoys taking care of you... another lost young soul.

If romantic, Hosea wants to try his best to be a good partner for you.

Yes, he isn't as young as men your age...

But he's still willing to give you the affection you crave if you ask.

Would he kidnap? Not really.

The closest to it would be subtle manipulation and coercion.

Like maybe he tries to convince you to join the gang through subtle convincing.

Then once you're there, you're under constant surveillance from him or members he trusts around you.

But in reality, I feel it wouldn't really want gang life for you.

Maybe instead of him inviting you to the gang, Dutch does.

Then Hosea gets close to you... and as Dutch slowly begins to go insane, Hosea may even plan ways to get you out of the gang.

He's too old to be possessive... He's selfish, yet he prioritizes your happiness along with your safety.

Hosea isn't as intense as other yanderes.

He's willing to let you go if it means you're safe and happy.

Especially when he knows his death is close.

If you were ever unhappy or harmed... Hosea will do whatever it takes to see you smile.

He'll shoot a man for you, he'll find a place to stay for you if you dislike the gang, he'll comfort you...

If you're unhappy with him, he'll give you space.

He's respectful.

He wants you to love him like he loves you, however that may be.

That's all he really asks for.

Which is... leagues better than most yanderes.

He wishes he could come with you if you did leave the gang...

Yet he can't.

He'll visit often... if he can.

But if you decide to be in the gang, Hosea defends you with his life.

He may be ill and old... but you give him something else to fight for.

He cares for you... maybe even more than he should.

Even to the point of wondering... maybe you should stay in camp with him...

Would you like that?

As tame as he is, he can still be a dangerous man.

It makes him happy if you do decide to stay beside him.

He's protective, but he knows you need your independence.

So instead of shielding you entirely from everyone and everything...

He'll simply aid you through it, he'll prepare you for everything...

He's come to terms with the fact he isn't a good man... that he'll die that way...

Despite it all, however.... He loves you all the same, no matter how selfish it may be... He'll always consider you as his.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for asking my mom to stop singing?

okay so a couple months back i (a uni student) moved out of my old apartment and back in with my parents while i try to find a new one. the only issue is, since i first moved away, my parents had moved into a smaller house than they had when me and my siblings were growing up. they now have their bedroom and my dad's study, but no additional bed or guest rooms. for this reason, i have been sleeping on their living room couch.

my mom also doesn't have a room of her own, so her laptop is also in the living room, as is mine. so basically the living room is our shared domain for the time we spend at home. i have class and friends to spend time with, so i'm away relatively frequently (though i'm on winter break now of course), while my mom is retired and is at home basically 95% of the time year-round.

me and my mom both listen to music a lot and our tastes do not overlap basically at all. i listen mostly to indie, folk, rock, the kind of stuff white queer kids love, while my mom's music is almost entirely soulful christian pop about big j and stuff.

up until recently, my mom didn't wear headphones. she'd play music directly from her laptop speakers. this obviously bothered me somewhat, but i hadn't said anything about it. recently (i.e. a couple weeks ago) i asked her if she'd consider starting to wear headphones, which she has for the most part, though sometimes she forgets. i just kinda let her do whatever if she does, i haven't mentioned it again since.

so that's the first time i asked my mom to be quieter, and i don't think i'm an asshole for that. my worry is about the second time. you see, over the last week, she's taken to singing along to her tunes. maybe she did that before and i just didn't notice over the actual song itself? anyway, i can definitely hear it now.

and of course it's not the best musical performance, it's a lady with little singing experience belting along to her favourite songs, but it's not really about the quality of the singing. i don't like the music she likes and would prefer not to listen to it, is all.

today, whilst she was singing, i gently asked her: "could you stop singing?" i didn't mean forever, just in that moment. i really tried to say it in a nice way, and i don't think i sounded particularly rude? it should be noted, though, that my parents do seem to think of me as some kind of sensitive sally intent on criticizing every little thing they do. that feeling does kind of go both ways, but i admit sometimes i can be harsh on my mom, because she can be overbearing and a bit neurotic, and i don't really get to have the space i wish i could, especially not now when i'm living with them.

anyway, so i ask: "could you stop singing?" and my mom says something like "okay- well, i would prefer not to." the way she said it really made it sound like i had hurt her feelings. so i said, "okay. that's alright. you can sing." she stopped singing and has been sort of running around for the last 10 minutes or so restlessly doing random things.

my parents are that kind of people who are really really deep in "politeness" and genuinely baffle me since i'm autistic (like, a couple of days ago we had some leftover cake, and my dad straight up forced me to take half of what was left over even though i said i didn't want it. i still don't really know why?) so i'm sure even though i said "okay, nevermind then," my mom didn't believe me.

while she was running around doing random things, i told her, "sorry if i hurt your feelings." and she said, "oh, it's nothing." i genuinely don't know if i'm in the wrong here. i feel like, on the one hand, this is a space we have to share, and i should have the right to ask her not to make noise (i always wear headphones and never sing along to music or vc with friends when my parents are around), but on the other hand, it's her house, and she should have the right to sing in it, right? i don't know.

TL;DR: i asked my mom to stop singing in the only space for our computers in the house and i'm pretty sure it upset her. AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[constantfragmentation]

hiii i know your last post was probably spurred on by someone’s comments regarding your work, but im a woc and have throughly enjoyed all of the content you have written. not to dismiss other people’s issues, but within art it’s always important to consider who is making it and their cultural background, because it always permeates into their creations. while it is blunt to say; people are sometimes sensitive, you shouldn’t let that wear you down or feel overly guilty. the fact you were so open about seeing this as an issue and addressing it is already worth so much.

idk maybe this is insensitive, don’t feel the need to respond to this. i just really love your work and thought i would give my two cents.

Not insensitive at all.

In fact, as several people in this fandom know, unfortunately, I am very, well.... overly sensitive. And they're correct. Coming from a toxic and abusive upbringing and obviously not having the best coping mechanisms or self esteem... I tend to worry a lot, fear rejection and crave acceptance/safe place. I am very aware of this and trying hard not to be this but I still have my triggers and shit happens. It bothers a lot of people and I'm used to most people pulling a 'nope'.

Because of that, I don't ever want anyone to feel unaccepted, etc because that's what I was/am. I know I sound negative too much but it's only because I have difficulty with accepting compliments, kindnesses, etc. I've never been accepted anywhere, so when online strangers are being so kind, I almost don't want to believe them. And it's a bit like a drug too.

If anyone says they don't care about the hits, kudos, comments... I'm going to call them out. Yes we do or we wouldn't post our works publicly. Of course we crave validation and I probably crave it more than normal people because it's something foreign to me.

Saying that. I'm not fishing for people to give me compliments. If anyone wonders why I'm a bit 'off' or I talk too much, respond with huge comments (like now), its because I'm hoping people don't think I'm a total weirdo but I think I've shot that in the foot. I guess I feel like I put up a warning sign "hey, if you interact with me, I'll probably be socially awkward af".

I get so thrilled when someone is so happy with something I made. Maybe @villainsidechick is right that I'm wanting to please everyone and it's not possible. She's not wrong that I'll probably be paranoid that I'm not doing it right and writing will no longer be enjoyable because I'm worrying about how I'm writing. To go from 3rd person limited to 2nd person was hard. Never until Silco had I written that way and I'm still catching mistakes.

So maybe more tags is the answer for now. IDK. I've got different people telling me different things I should do in DMs and I'm just... blank.

I suppose it's all these years of ingrained behavior that I do worry about how I affect others and it truly does hurt me if I feel I've offended someone in any way. I'm mortified by it.

Writing in a strange way is therapy. I can't afford therapy, not in this country and my wages. It's probably unhealthy as hell but in some scenes, I can let out some demons if that makes sense or wishful things I would love to have. That's the beauty of fiction. I can tune out the real world for a bit.

I can't help but take things to heart when other, more normal folks, would brush it off and move on. I'm just not wired that way.

And I over share, like I'm doing right now. Sigh.

I think no matter what I do, someone is not going to be happy with me. I wish that didn't bother me, but it does. Sooner or later someone is going to see this side of me, so I might as well get it out now. Mental health is a bitch even with therapy and meds. It's probably why I write the characters I do and empathise with Jinx and Silco.

I'll go back to just posting nice things and won't mention this again. I'm sure there is a handful of people I know in this fandom who are shaking their heads right now, thinking I'm nuts for posting this and it will bite me in the ass, but so be it.

To those that I've made uncomfortable, I'm sorry. It's better you know where I'm coming from if I make a mistake again. Or perhaps just post stories and keep to myself from now on.

Back under my rock, I go.

[sawyerconfort]

the coven + kyle spencer head canons for jealousy issues and how they would each handle it differently?

HI HI HI FOLKS I'M BACK!

Ok, ok, let's do it then!

Lots of lots of ideas for this one! Just you wait!

(Wasn't sure if you wanted me to include Marie on that one, but I did just for the complete headcannons, hope you don't mind, anon!)

Enjoy!

Requests open!

-----------------------------------------------

The Coven and Kyle Dealing With Jealousy Issues (Young!Reader, just for the record!)

Cordelia Goode, Fiona Goode, Zoe Benson, Madison Montgomery, Misty Day, Nan, Queenie, Myrtle Snow, Mallory, Marie Laveau and Kyle Spencer!

Cordelia Goode

Cordelia would be upset, of course.

She would let her insecurities get the best of her when she sees you talking to someone else and seeming too intimate with them.

But I don't think she would let the intrusive thoughts win that fight, not this time.

Cordelia doesn't want to seem so possessive. She's not like that, and she knows it would bother you a lot if it was miscalculated.

So, regardless of the situation, she will just leave where she is, walk to you and wrap her arms around your body, pulling you close to her, her eyes analyzing detail by detail of the other person.

"What is so funny?"

She would ask, pretending to be clueless, so she could take control of the situation better.

Internally, though, you can be sure that a few dark curse words and some not-so-friendly spell ideas are going through her mind, without her being able to show it aloud or with gestures.

She would have her arms around you the entire time, keeping you close until the other person understood that you were hers and nobody else's.

And when you guys get back home, she would insist that you cuddle with her to make up for the moment of insecurity and jealousy.

Fiona Goode

THE QUEEN of drama and jealousy.

Honestly, making Fiona jealous is like leaving a predator without prey.

Of course, she takes great care, despite her strong temper, not to seem like she's trying to pull you out of your comfort zone and push you away from the world for her sake.

But no one (nobody at all) goes unnoticed in Fiona Goode's eyes.

She will probably go to great lengths to touch you in the best places, just to tease you and make the person next to you feel uncomfortable enough to leave.

"It's a shame, my dear, but they're taken."

Just imagine her husky voice saying that, right in your face, also to tease you and to make sure she looks wild when she's jealous?

Fiona probably wouldn't let you talk much longer with the person afterward, or say goodbye. She would pull you to where she is and keep looking the whole time to see if the person isn't following you.

And if so, you can be sure that she would throw the person to the wall with no shame and no fear of being in public.

When you guys got home, she'd make a scene, again, to let you off the hook because she's a drama queen.

There would DEFINITELY be make-up sex.

And it would DEFINITELY be the best sex you've ever had in your life.

Zoe Benson

Crying, drama, insecurity and a little bit of fighting.

Zoe is overly afraid of losing you, but not to the point where she won't let you hang out with other people, friends in general.

The problem is that when the person starts to take advantage of the situation, Zoe becomes confused and desperate.

She is quite similar to Cordelia, though, when it comes to handling the scene itself.

Zoe will just cling to you to make sure she's in control and to make sure nothing bad happens.

However, things get worse on the way home, when she is silent throughout the ride.

She will probably lose her mind when justifying herself, letting her insecurity speak louder and expressing in an exaggerated way how important she is to her.

This is troubling because Zoe knows it is.

Anyway, when the fight is over, she will need some time to think and then she would probably come to you again, to apologize.

"I didn't want our relationship to be a threat, but I'm really afraid that you'll leave me for someone better."

She would hug you and then apologize if she sounded too possessive.

You would end up in a good mood, cuddling and thinking of a way to improve your relationship without jealousy that would be harmful to both of you.

Madison Montgomery

If you thought Fiona was the drama queen, wait until you see Madison.

She just can't control herself.

She doesn't want to control herself.

Every time someone comes close to you, she pulls you close to her very willingly and gives that typical killer look to whoever is looking at you two.

Madison is extremely possessive, especially when it comes to you.

Sure, she doesn't go around hitting and cussing people out for no reason (even though she can do that), but just staring Madison Montgomery intimidates a lot of people.

"How many times do I have to tell you that you're mine and nobody else's, (Y\N)?"

She'll find a stupid excuse to fight with you.

And then she'll drag herself out, pouting and apologizing, confessing how horrible she is as a person.

Or she will probably ask you for kisses to fix the situation.

There's make-up sex, but Madison isn't urgent and aggressive, not that part. She just wants to make love to you so you know no one else would top hers.

Misty Day

Misty is oddly bipolar with her jealousy of you.

Some hours, she may seem too possessive and feel the urge to punch someone because she thinks she's too inadequate for you.

But in the others, she handles it generally well, and just gets a little grumpy.

Considering that years of seclusion in the swamp have prevented her from feeling anything serious about anyone, being jealous is a very unusual and weird thing for Misty.

She doesn't know how to handle it well at first, but she learns to control herself. And she doesn't want to hurt anyone, most of all, especially you.

So most of the time, Misty will just slowly walk over, hug you and let you rest on her chest as she kisses your head and turns to the other person with a sweet little smile.

"Excuse me, the conversation must be great, but they already have a girlfriend, I'm sorry."

On the way home, she would insist on being isolated in her corner for a few seconds, and it would take a considerable amount of time to admit that she is genuinely jealous of you.

But overall, having Misty jealous is just as adorable as having her around.

Nan

Nan is not that over the top when it comes to being jealous of you.

I mean, except for the fact that she can control people's minds - and easily can control hers as well - she doesn't show overly jealousy, and maybe isn't even overly jealous.

She knows that you would never betray her like that, nor would you exchange her for anyone without a reason behind it.

But, of course, Nan has her moments of extreme caution.

She first assesses the person, reads their mind to be on the safe side, just to know how to approach them without scaring you off.

If it's someone who is clearly just someone close and significant to you, she'll let it go, take your hand and gently lead you away, apologizing later.

But if she catches some ulterior motive, oh, then that person is probably screwed for life.

"Oh, sorry, I read your mind, I feel something is wrong and I want to secure my territory. (Y\N) is mine and mine alone."

Nan doesn't like to fight with you, and when you have alone time, she just wants to make sure you're comfortable with her and that your relationship is going well.

The two of you cuddling after discussing the relationship and making a decision about Nan's adorable bouts of jealousy.

Queenie

Get ready for the jealous queen.

Honestly, I feel sorry for the person who decided to test Queenie's patience, especially when it comes to you.

She hates to think about the possibility that you would replace her, but it's impossible not to when everyone else has already replaced her.

Queenie is not at all afraid to approach the person and you when they are jealous.

And she'll hug you and kiss you real quick just so the person on the other end understands that you already belong to someone else.

I don't even need to go into detail about her being a voodoo witch, do I?

Of course, Queenie's case isn't as severe as Marie's, but there would definitely be a thought about creating a doll of the person.

Although Queenie knows the limits of voodoo and knows that it would be cruel if you knew she was hurting someone out of jealousy, so she won't even bring it up and will promise to forget about it quickly.

LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTS of curses. Every one she knows.

"Listen here, pervert, they already have someone, okay? Get the fuck out!"

You wouldn't fight, even though she always ends the day with a hot head.

She just wants you to know that you're important to her, and that nothing and no one in the world could ever break the bond you have.

Myrtle Snow

Myrtle knows how to deal with feelings, but she's not ready to be jealous of someone.

That's why she is confused about this, about her behavior when she notices that you seem quite happy in the company of someone other than her.

Since Myrtle doesn't control her impulses, she will probably approach you and make up an excuse for you to pull away from the other person, without using excuses or justifying yourself, just getting you out of the way.

No, she would never commit any atrocity with the person who was chatting with you. Myrtle Snow promised that she would change that part of her behavior for you and she will keep it until the end.

"I don't understand, (Y\N), I felt strange… seeing you with them…"

"That's jealousy, Myrtle dear", you'd say, laughing and finding that very cute.

Myrtle would certainly ask Cordelia for advice after the first scene of jealousy, for fear that she was feeling something really wrong, or even to cope better without running the risk of pushing you away.

Anyway, as long as she doesn't lose you, Myrtle doesn't mind feeling weird…

Mallory

Mallory wouldn't handle jealousy, that's the answer.

She would feel too awkward to set boundaries with you, and anyway, she would feel awkward approaching someone out of the blue.

But even if she insists on not hurting you, that feeling that something is wrong would haunt her forever. And that's one thing Mallory would never admit.

Then she would be content to approach you very slowly, putting a hand on your shoulder or wrapping your hips around. And look the person on the other end of the conversation straight in the eye.

"Don't you think you've talked enough?"

She won't say it in a possessive way, but she will turn extremely red when she's done, pulling you back and taking you back to where she was before.

The conversation would be calm and sincere, and Mallory would express that she loves you very much and that she just couldn't bear to lose you.

But she knows you love each other too much - and she loves you enough - to just take care of you like no one else ever would.

Marie Laveau

I just wanted to say that anyone who decides to make Marie Laveau jealous is pretty crazy.

She LITERALLY is the Voodoo Queen, what did you expect?

Years of experience to be sure how to handle such a situation.

Marie won't let it go and will immediately talk to the person who is showing ulterior motives towards you (and believe me, she knows very well when a person is or isn't…) "They already have someone, and that someone isn't you, so get the fuck out."

She wouldn't dare call you names or fight you out of jealousy (definitely Marie is someone who thinks it's cheesy to fight out of jealousy and make a scene)

A LOT of make-up sex.

She loves to tease and tease you during sex after a jealous scene like that.

Marie loves to get you flustered, she thinks it's cute and she's even more in love with you when she's done teasing.

No, no chance of having a person's voodoo spread in Marie's quarters.

Or, at least, not that you ever found out about it…

Kyle Spencer

Kyle is usually not jealous.

But it's because he learned that the rare times he did show it, things got highly self-defeating.

He doesn't want to scare you, so now he just walks up to you, pulls you into his strong arms as he looks you up and down, then kisses you on the nose and pulls you out of the way.

He's secretly ashamed that he can't get the words out anymore, which is why he's always quiet when it comes to a scene like this.

Back in the day, before the accident and death, he was out of control and things almost always ended in a beating, and he doesn't want to be that way anymore, not after meeting you.

"(Y\N). Not. Comfortable."

He would whisper to you as he tried to explain to you what happened, and as he watched to see if you were okay.

When you were alone, he would cuddle with you and pet you, just to make sure you weren't mad that he pulled you out of a conversation where you seemed happy.

[ring-the-lilybell]

Viper Job Quests - NPC Dialogue

Because I'm still wildly unwell for my new favorite man, I went back through and pulled the NPC dialogue from the Viper job quests so I could more easily reference it. Here be spoilers.

LEVEL 80 - ENTER THE VIPER

Worried Weaver: You're an adventurer, yes? There's a spot of bother over at the Weavers' Guild, and we could use a hand sorting it out. Worried Weaver: We received an order for a full ensemble, but now that the work's been completed, the client refuses to pay. Worried Weaver: Mind you, I had my suspicions from the start. He calls himself a “viper” of all things. In my experience, people who name themselves after snakes are not to be trusted! Worried Weaver: In any case, he carries a pair of swords on his back, and I hate to think what would happen if he started wielding them in anger. Could you head to the guild and smooth things over?

Perplexed Weaver: Despite my best efforts to reason with him, he keeps going on and on about vipers or some such! What am I to do? So-called Viper: Good day to you, stranger. I was hoping I might make the acquaintance of someone a bit rougher 'round the edges─someone who's seen her fair share of action. Could you tell me what prey's worth hunting in these here parts? Perplexed Weaver: Have you any idea what he's talking about? I took no issue with fulfilling his order, but now that it's time for him to pay, it's as though we're talking at cross-purposes! So-called Viper: Likewise, I don't understand why this fella's being so difficult. All I'm asking for is the outfit I ordered and the name of some critters worth killing. So-called Viper: Maybe I oughta explain from the beginning. I'm from Tural, a big ol' continent on the other side of the salt west of here. So-called Viper: You've been there, I reckon? Then you might've seen others who wield the dual blades, or “vipers” as we're traditionally known. So-called Viper: Our duty is to hunt ferocious beasts that endanger the lives of innocent folk. In fact, that's what brought me here. So-called Viper: Thing is, all that fighting and long days on the road ain't been too kind to my gear. Reckoned it was high time I got me a new getup, bespoke and all. Perplexed Weaver: Fascinating, I'm sure, but why do you refuse to pay for your order? And why are you so insistent that I “choose my prey”? So-called Viper: 'Cause how else am I supposed to pay you? Do us a favor, and we'll hunt down any beast you want. That's the code─how we vipers do business. So-called Viper: That so? So you're saying they want something else instead? Perplexed Weaver: Payment commensurate with the skill and materials required. In gil, preferably. So-called Viper: Well, didn't see that one coming. Guess that explains our little misunderstanding. Perplexed Weaver: But surely your countrymen trade in some sort of currency, yes? Or are you vipers so far removed from society as to be unaware of such concepts? So-called Viper: 'Course we know what money is! We ain't no bumpkins! But, uh, when it comes to requisitioning goods and services, I usually rely on the elders to deal with artisans and the like. Which is to say I ain't in the habit of carrying significant sums… Perplexed Weaver: So be it… If your only form of payment is the slaying of beasts, that shall have to do. Perplexed Weaver: As it happens, one of my colleagues in eastern Thanalan reports that merchants carrying our supplies were attacked by a wild fiend. Perplexed Weaver: What's more, the creature is a species of many-headed scalekin, never before seen in this region. It is rumored to have escaped from the Coliseum and has been running rampant ever since. So-called Viper: Scaly? Lotta heads? Alright, you got yourself a deal. Perplexed Weaver: “Deal”? Considering the guild has already fulfilled its end of the bargain, you should count yourself lucky! Still, I'd hate for anything to go awry at this juncture. Perplexed Weaver: Might I ask a favor of you, friend? I'd like you to accompany him and ensure that he attends to the creature as agreed. Besides, I daresay seeing a so-called “viper” at work will be an enlightening experience. Keshkwa: The name's Keshkwa. Pleasure to meet you. Perplexed Weaver: The creature was last seen near Camp Drybone, so I advise you to begin there. Perplexed Weaver: It would appear that viper fellow has already departed for Camp Drybone. I do hope he knows the way, or least has the good sense to ask for directions.

Keshkwa: So this is Camp Drybone, huh? Fitting name. Anyway, you ready to hunt? Keshkwa: What's that look for? Aw, lemme guess, you wanna ask around first and see if anyone can point us in the right direction? Keshkwa: No need. The weaver's friend told me plenty. All we gotta do is track down the beast, which is a viper specialty. Keshkwa: It went after traders carrying tailor's materials. Bolts of cloth and whatnot don't sound none too tasty to me, so I'm guessing it's the merchants themselves the beast had its eye on. Keshkwa: Most predators use their sense of smell to pick out their meals. Scents carry on the wind, so you gotta consider the positions of the rocks and plants to determine how the air tends to flow through an area. Ain't too hard to deduce where a critter's made its lair after you've done all that. Keshkwa: Yep, that's a big 'un. Mean looking, too. Must be wreaking havoc on the food chain, never mind the danger it poses to locals. Well, time to do what a viper does best! Keshkwa: That's that. So, you like the show? Don't play coy─I can see you're intrigued. Keshkwa: But before I spill all my secrets, I got a question for you. Ever heard of a “tural vidraal”? Keshkwa: You have? Then you know they're a rare breed of beast that wields all sorts of powers they got no right having. A threat to every other living thing that has the temerity to breathe in their vicinity. Keshkwa: Because of their long lifespans and unnatural abilities, they were dubbed the “tyrants of Tural”. That's more or less what the name means. Keshkwa: Anyway, someone's gotta hunt the tural vidraal, and that someone is us, the vipers. Keshkwa: Y'know, I've met a fair few adventurers during my time here, but I can tell you're a cut above the rest. Might even have what it takes to be a viper. Keshkwa: If you're interested, I can teach you, on one condition─you'll help me hunt down a tural vidraal that's made its way to Eorzea. What do you say? Keshkwa: Ha! Hell of a thing to ask outta the blue, I know. Just think on it some, will you? Keshkwa: Let's head on back to Ul'dah and tell the weaver fella we're square. The journey'll give you time to consider my offer. Keshkwa: I just gave our weaver friend the good news, and he handed over this set of fancy duds, as promised. Gotta say, it was worth the trouble. Keshkwa: So, about my offer. You ready to become a viper, and protect folks from the nastiest beasts that ever lived? Keshkwa: A mighty fine answer! I'll make a viper of you, just see if I don't! First order of business: lemme give you this here soul crystal. Keshkwa: It contains knowledge of our fighting arts, passed down since ancient times from one generation of vipers to the next. Assuming you've got the knack for it, our skills can be yours, too. Keshkwa: I've also got a fresh set of viper gear for you. The Weavers' Guild wanted to thank you for overseeing our hunt earlier, so they made you your very own outfit. Guess that fella took your measurements by eye or something… Oh, and the blades are a couple of spares I had handy. Keshkwa: Try it all on for size─and let me get a look at you while you're at it.

[sandssavvy]

I know I'll probably get flack for this, but I'm a little frustrated by how when a media company that is extremely socially progressive isn't 100% perfect in every area at all times some people start yelling for boycotts.

You can choose to spend your money however you like, and if you don't enjoy what they make that's fine. You don't need to support it.

But it feels reminiscent of other ways that the left seems to eat itself. Like people refusing to vote because 1 candidate is evil, but the other lets you down in some areas.

And I feel like a lot of the folks that call out to boycott things like Dropout, WTNV, and other media companies that are trying to be diverse and progressive are sometimes (not always) virtue signaling. A lot of those folks are watching stuff made by much less ethically made and diverse groups.

There aren't a ton of options for great media made by and starring queer folks and folks of color that aren't owned by a terrible monopoly like disney or amazon. Yet it seems like no matter what progressive media I watch someone calls for a boycott of it because of 1 or 2 issues that all of more widespread media platforms have.

I can understand that some folks want there to be more representation of some diverse populations, or more thorough research of a guest's positions on Palestine. However, I would love to know about shows/platforms that have lived up to the rigorous standards of everyone I have heard calling to boycott Dropout.

Because I don't actually know about a more progressive large media platform personally. Maybe that's my ignorance, but this is the best I know of.

Please don't dogpile on me, I recognize that people have these concerns for a reason. However, it feels like Dropout was placed on a pedestal by people, and at any misstep there is a lot of extra rage.

Also, I am hoping that no one is harassing Aabria Iyengar about any of this. It feels very bad faith to bother a queer black woman about not having enough representation at a table that has 5 people total (including her) and only 1 of them is white and 1 person is bi and nonbinary. Plus the first season was 4 eps or something, and Aabria compressing big stories.

Also, I really don't get how some of the Dungeons and Drag Queens cast aren't viewed as transfemme even tho Bob the Drag Queen is non binary and uses she/her and he/him pronouns. Monét X Change is also nonbinary and uses she/her & he/him. They both use she/her when not in drag. Alaska may also be nonbinary, but I'm not sure. Drag isn't just done by cis gay men, people.

At least people recognize Persephone Valentine as a trans woman on Dropout, but it is frustrating that people ignore that some of the queens are nonbinary and femme.

It feels a bit like when some people claim that bi folks aren't queer enough. Like nonbinary and femme is not as significant as being a trans woman to them so it doesn't count. Meanwhile gender identity is complex, and your gender & understanding of it can shift over time and they are all valid.

Not to mention there are other cast members like Mano Agapion that are nonbinary. Omar Najam also uses any pronouns.

Once again if someone can name a media platform that is more diverse and ethical than Dropout and has great quality productions and an amazing cast, let me know. I do not know of any media companies that meet a standard of perfection.

I am certainly not going to give up on one of the few platforms making a legitimate effort.

[sordidmusings]

Just a life update and opening!

Brought up because of an ask wondering if I still do stuff here so I figured I'd put out some of whats goin on if anyone is interested! Also throwing it into the void of the internet feels less guilt inducing than forcing it on specific people especially after how overwhelmed folks tend to be cuz I'm bad at metering it out and not just being like 'light jokes about struggle that don't scratch the surface or say anything meaningful' and 'here is all the dark lore' 💀 It's also been a struggle because there really does sometimes feel like theres a whole ass language barrier within your own language when you're AuDHD.

I do still do headcanons and write and draw and yada yada there’s just been quite a bit happening and I’m doing poorly at keeping up with life maintenance let alone things I enjoy 🥴 with writing especially in my hobbies I find myself discouraged in what feels like poor quality of my writing and seeing that reflected back to me because I am Weak 💀 general overview of some of the bigger problems below the cut if you’re interested but I won’t bother y’all with the whole picture! Will be more a summary/overview/alluding to things over getting into gory details. Basically a lot will be covered but I won’t force anything below the broad strokes on y'all.

The end is an ask for people to please reach out if they are struggling so please take that seriously. I offer a space with me but please find wherever in this world you are at least somewhat comfortable and have someone be there with you while you process 🤍 I will have a header above that little piece just incase you'd like to skip to only reading that which is completely fine!

CW for mental health talks, allusions to family issues, references to rape and abuse, death by suicide, and suicidal ideation.

What's Up, Doc?

Between hospitalizations (old and new issues and unfortunate near misses 🤡), my couple jobs (the days my body ain’t tryin to give up and even some days it still is means back to the grindstone. Thank you capitalistic overlords 💀), money stresses (medical debt plus just like y'all know shit ain’t the best for most everyone rn), the spring struggle (nightmares + flashbacks get worse from seasonal + anniversaries of men not caring for consent amongst other things lmaoooo), the mental health slew (diagnosed with AuDHD and most of the big hitters besides a personality disorder), and a few other life happenings and old traumas I’m doing a terrible job at everything 🤡 most of it ain’t new so I know all the proper things to do to help for everything from years of therapy and managing the symptoms and all that but dotting my i’s and crossing my t’s hasn’t been offering any relief for a long while so I’m floundering and quite exhausted.

The health issues making everything difficult and painful ain’t helping but I’m also not being the best at taking care of some of them because Why Bother 💀 Many are issues I’ve had for years that ebb and flow in severity and I’m just tired of feeling them and having to manage them. I’m sure any of you with chronic issues understand the feeling well. Those with years and years of major depressive disorder probably also understand the frustration and exhaustion and guilt with knowing you should enjoy something, you WANT to enjoy it, but your body just can’t produce the reaction it should.

I tend to isolate because I’m managing it poorly enough that the topic tends to crop up with the closer few if they ask and that goes Badly cuz, even if they think they won’t, people get uncomfy with the topics which just makes me feel Worse from guilt and sometimes frustration from it being passed over for their comfort or lack of understanding. I am lucky enough to have more recently found one person who Gets It and a beloved soul from lovely old Jersey came back into my life so the bigger problem in that situation is me allowing myself to consistently receive support from them 🤡 One’s so sweet always telling me I can call any time and the other is of the same vein and my dumbass brain keeps being like “but that would bother them” or the usual “you deserve to get worse not get help” 🤡🤡🤡. Clown ass behavior.

Also some bad coping mechanisms make my typing and communication sloppy as hell and I’m quite ashamed of that so best hide that away while it’s going on 💀 due to insistence that it’s Fine I have forgone that instinct to what feels like very Poor Result 🥴 ah the eternal struggle between needing to be Seen to fight the sense of isolation and worthlessness but also being petrified of being perceived while imperfect. Not having any of the connections really be in person doesn’t help too much with feelings isolation because I don't really have anyone around me besides parents that have literally said "why are you making us deal with this" about the intentional near death miss 💀💀💀 my immediate world feels very much like it wants me gone in explicit and subtle ways but c'est la vie. Beggars can’t be choosers so at this point I’m likely just being ungrateful 🤡

One thing making it harder to keep trying is my folks’ years of insistence that I don’t understand my own experience and I’m just dramatic and make things up. It’s an echo of many painful experiences including a whole group intentionally playing games with my sense of reality to enable their friend’s abuse (they got unconsensual nudes from him out of it so that’s worth the price of treating someone like that right?). Such is life.

One of the new things I’m uncertain how to approach handling properly is the grief and such shifting back to the forefront from the first anniversary of my childhood brother figure being taken from us by his bipolar depression. I have known people taken by suicide before but not this close to home. My childhood wasn’t the happiest but he and his family were a bright place in it. His little sister was my best friend in the whole world through my childhood and their family treated me more like family than my own. He was the best mix of a good and bad influence in an older brother figure I could’ve wished for. He fought long and hard but exhaustion hits us all, sometimes even with proper help. What eternally pains me is knowing how helpless and scared he must have felt and even worse how absolutely alone he felt. That was his last feeling in this life. I can only hope that more than anything, whatever happens next is giving him relief, peace, and rest.

Talk on reaching out below!

On that note, if any of you experience suicidality too, my messages (or ask if you’re more comfy on anon) are always open. This is an issue that’s been in my life in many forms since I was 12, so I will not shy away from you or your thoughts. Even if shared with something uncomfortable or "ugly", I find the discomfort of sitting with someone’s pain negligible in comparison to being the one in pain so why not prioritize that person in their need? It’s also negligible under the importance of truly holding space to process those hurts and stresses instead of just simple little niceties.

I am not the best at being active but if I see any of these messages especially we will truly talk. I know how insanely isolating and disappointing it can feel when someone offers support to be nice and then shoves to the next topic or barely responds because it makes them uncomfortable. It is a bitter pill we must often swallow to forgive those who think they will help for making things worse because they have bit off more than they can chew. It is also a bitter feeling that that reaffirms to us that by our very nature, we are too much to handle and are too much to deal with for sharing our internal space and circumstance. But at the same time, all of us are simply human so who am I to malign someone for making mistakes or being imperfect? So long as someone truly wants to try, there is all the reason in the world to give them grace.

Qualifications kind of???

The one good thing that has come from a lot of the experiences that I’ve gone through is that it has forced perspective on me and forced me to learn skills in holding space, validating, and connecting to others in immense pain. No one is perfect in this skill (even therapists struggle - the number who have said they don’t know where to start untangling the traumas or who have cried at it and in turn needed comfort 💀 a strange experience I know my darling at least gets too lol) but I have found in both giving and receiving that honesty and openness is W A Y more important than being perfect.

This is something I’ve watched more people struggle with than not as life circumstances has not made it so that they must learn the skill at the same time that there are resources to learn it, so I may make more posts with advice for it than the bit I go through here. I’m not a licensed therapist so this isn’t going to be a clinical breakdown of how to be someone’s therapist but I would consider my experience as a confidant, consistent reading up on psychological and related sociological research, and experience going through various forms of therapy worthy of giving solid advice. Unfortunately, co-morbidities and resistant brain chemistry really make using the skills on myself Difficult 💀 but as brief examples of experience for validity speaking on this, I’ve been to a lot of group therapy where licensed therapists literally coach you on this, guided a safe space/group for SA survivors in college, coached friends who couldn’t afford therapy through suicidality or abusive situations, and coached survivors through feelings and decisions when deciding whether or not to charge or going through the process of charging their abuser. All of which is much easier to be effective to people you know irl but the support online can be nothing to snub your nose at either. None of this is to say I'm perfect or exceptional - neither is true - just that I’ve had circumstances and experiences that afford me a bit of extra knowledge in this.

In the vast majority of cases, someone who is struggling and coming to you for help wants you to be there - your thoughts, your feelings, your perspective. They don’t want someone sitting uncomfortably and saying the occasional “sorry” they want engagement because more than anything they don’t want to be alone. In a basic example, if you find yourself freezing when someone comes to you with something you don’t know how to handle, instead of saying nothing or only short cliches due to fear of making a mistake, be honest about that. “I’m not sure what to say right now to be honest because that’s so much to deal with. I can’t imagine having to live with that all the time. Is there anything in it frustrating you the most or that you’re having the most difficulty tackling?”. This is active listening and engagement. You are being honest with where you are at so they aren’t guessing what you’re thinking, you are showing that you see how overwhelming the situation is, especially for the person who has to live with it. If you can’t handle a conversation where these issues exist, how do you think it feels to live with them day in and day out, sometimes for years or the majority of a life?

Asking questions is SUPER important too. Trust the other person to only share what they are comfortable with and don’t assume all questions are bad. Asking questions is one of the truest and simplest ways to show you care because why would you want to know more if you don’t give a shit? Asking questions is also very helpful and one of the reasons talking to others about your issues is important - it gives the person struggling something to react to and give perspective. It helps them process the issue in ways they won’t be able to do by themselves. This may make the process sound slightly manufactured but I promise it’s not, especially as it becomes second nature to know what thing to use when. Communication is a skill so advice around it will inherently make it sound more clinical than the actual process is.

People are also not a monolith so while this type of being there works for the vast majority some people may not like it. That is also where communication comes in - check in with the person on if this is helping and what isn't helpful. Make sure to adjust when you make a mistake.

Conclusion

I’m happy to hold space for other issues as well. I’m no replacement for a therapist but I’ve been a helpful supplement to many people I knew struggling throughout the years so I’m at least okay at that! Since I’m doing pretty bad functionally right now the help won’t be as consistent as I wish but I will give whatever is in my power just like these things deserve. I hope to get better soon so that I can properly offer a stronger foundation of support outward again 🤍

[shellem15]

So I mentioned in another post that I had issues with Bells Hells' conversation with the Matron, and I thought I'd expand on that here:

Aside from the obvious "Bells Hells took the completely wrong conclusion from what the Matron was saying", I have some… gripes…with how that convo went.

To preface, I fucking CALLED the "Matron and Old God of Death (OGOD) had a thing" SO long ago!!! As soon as I heard fucking Purvan Suul say "none of the primes have felt challenges to their domains" I was like oop-- HOLD ON A MINUTE! The brainworms were COOKING can I say.

The only thing I didn't expect was that the Matron and OGOD worked on the rituals of ascension TOGETHER. I figured that they had a close (possibly romantic) relationship, I figured that he knew she was gonna replace him ahead of time and ultimately okayed it, I figured it was terribly tragic. I just didn't expect that he was an active participant in the process.

(If you want to see the full extent of my original Matron-OGOD theory/headcanon, you can find that post here.)

Anyways, I have mixed feelings about this reveal. I like most of it, for sure, and nothing about it is specifically problematic, but it just feels *off* to me for some reason. (Maybe because I had a whole ass headcanon laid out already lmao).

I think it's the part that he actively helped her create the ritual that bothers me. I remember another post discussing this more than me, about how it almost devalues her accomplishment, y'know? Almost implies that she *couldn't* have done it without his help.

I'm sure that wasn't the intent, of course, but it still rubbed me the wrong way. It's just not a necessary detail to have, I feel like. She could have her own ambitions for godhood, and could have loved him and wished to give him peace, and could do all of that without him *actively helping* her.

Now, we don't know what her ambitions for godhood were before they met, so we don't have all the context surrounding the situation. But that in itself is a problem: Why *don't* we know those ambitions? That feels important to mention, even briefly, so why was this part of the conversation *solely* focused on her relationship with the OGOD? BELLS HELLS DON’T CARE ABOUT THE GODS, this didn't really sway them either way.

Actually, I do know why there was so much focus on their relationship, which leads into my major issue with this conversation: The Raven Queen survived her ascension because of her love for the OGOD, and Bells Hells can do the impossible (contain Predathos as a vessel) through the power of ~love~.

*Big Sigh* Okay, here's the thing: I would be perfectly fine with this plot point if we HADN'T JUST COME BACK FROM DOWNFALL. AKA "LOVE WAS THERE, IT DIDN'T SAVE THEM" THE SERIES. WHAT DO YOU MEAN "You can do the impossible through the power of love"??? (The spirit of Arthur Aguefort possesses me) WE LITERALLY JUST SAW THAT NOT BE THE CASE!! Unless what we saw in Downfall was WRONG, apparently!? I guess the gods just DIDN'T LOVE EACH OTHER ENOUGH to reconcile huh? Pack it up, folks! We've solved the riddle! The gods just need to LOVE EACH OTHER MORE to fix all their problems!

(If I was one of the gods, and I overheard this shit, I would SMACK HER. The AUDACITY of this b1tch)

*Ahem* Anyways, now that I've calmed down, let me reiterate: Normally, I would be perfectly fine with this plot point. I quite enjoy a good "the power of love" story. But here's the thing: You cannot do this "power of love" thing immediately after you've *already disproven it* in a whole ass flashback-miniseries. Not only have you undermined the tragedy of the previous storyline, you're also setting yourself up for future plot holes and inconsistencies! Why bother playing out Downfall in the first place if it's major themes are just going to be immediately undermined?

It's just, the gods are beings of pure conviction. They are defined by their domains, and cannot act outside of them. The tragic thing is, when they fled Tengar so long ago, it WASN’T love that saved them, that made them real. The ACTIONS they took are what made them real, and they are bound to be ONLY those actions FOREVER. Whether they were motivated by love or not is ultimately irrelevant, because love didn’t define them, their convictions did, and still do.

They were doomed from the start, the actions that made them real are what damned them in the end. Because as beings of pure conviction, compromise is impossible. The Dawnfather HAS to be a guiding light and the Ruiner HAS to destroy and the Lord of Hells HAS to burn and the Everlight HAS to reach out to him and he HAS to lie and burn her in return because that’s *all they are*. And if their convictions are fundamentally at odds with each other, there is no room for reconciliation; it’s as unattainable to them as suddenly sprouting wings and flying is to us. That’s just not something we can do; no amount of love will make wings sprout from our backs. No amount of love between the gods will change their natures.

(And this logic applies to the gods and mortals as well! Aeor didn't fall because the Prime deities don't love mortals! It fell because the Gods' natures apply BOTH WAYS: The Dawnfather HAS to be a guiding light so Ayden HAD to try to save both Aeor and his siblings, he can't just selectively choose his nature when it's most convenient. And that ultimately doomed Aeor, because saving mortals and saving the Betrayers are inherently at odds with each other. Conversely, Asmodeus HAS to lie and lies hurt people so he will ALWAYS hurt both his siblings and mortals, so he was ALWAYS going to drop Aeor out of the sky. There was no other course of action. Love or hate was never going to change anything.)

The love was there, and it didn’t save them. In many ways, it just made things worse, desperately clinging to each other and hurting each other and the world in the process because the thought of separation is too painful to even consider. They love each other deeply but the love they have cannot outweigh their convictions, so the conflict of this inherent contradiction ends up destroying themselves and the world. Isn’t that what Downfall was trying to convey?

Bells Hells are seemingly the exact opposite of the gods. What conviction do they have, really? Except Orym and maybe Ashton, they all seem to just be along for the ride. No strong opinions either way. Which makes me question why Downfall was even included, because (ignoring the obvious in-text reasoning), a flashback sequence like that is, narratively, supposed to parallel your main story. It should highlight flaws within your main characters and show them what NOT to do. It should serve as a cautionary tale that motivates them and encourages character growth and self-reflection, not draw them into more indecision. Downfall didn't really change anything about Bells Hells, it didn't really influence their decisions much at all.

(This sucks, because I fucking LOVE Downfall! Why didn't it have more impact??? Why was it seemingly just forgotten about except to be used in cyclical debates that ultimately didn't go anywhere anyways???)

As Downfall established, love isn't a saving grace. Love is a motivator at best, a hindrance at worst. Love is second to conviction, to tangible action, which is what Bells Hells has been severely lacking. The gods failed Exandria and each other because their natures make them incapable of compromise, not because they didn't love each other enough. What should have been taken from this (in my opinion), is that Bells Hells MUST have strong convictions when taking any sort of tangible action, but they must ALSO have the flexibility to cooperate with others and compromise on certain issues for any actual positive change to occur.

The conversation with the Matron should have supported Downfall and helped guide Bells Hells towards this conclusion. It didn't actually have this effect, however, because although she did call out Bells Hells' indecisiveness (good) and encouraged them to decide for themselves (also good), this effect was immediately undermined by the whole "power of love" thing. Which only served to exacerbate Bells Hells' indecisiveness, which has ultimately culminated in the disappointed responses to the Big Button Push which just happened.

So yeah.