#I'm still there mentally
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I really love how the more Jayce growing as a person, the closer he gets to Viktor.
#jayvik#jayce x viktor#jayce talis#viktor#arcane#I'm still there mentally#and I'm keep seeing your posts#random thoughts
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my brother came up with the BEST idea, and that is: the “we have a connection, Lockwood just isn’t capable of sustaining it” line should be dialogue at the diner when Lockwood is trying to convince Lucy to stay, i.e.
Lockwood [desperate and scrambling]: please, Lucy, you have to stay. we have something, together. Lucy: I care about you and George, and that’s exactly why I can’t stay. Lockwood: yes but I’m not talking about me and George, I’m talking about you and me. us. there’s a - connection. I know you’ve felt it. when we were running and the whole world molded around us? it’s real, Lucy, you can’t just give up on that. Lucy [steeling herself to land the killing blow]: I know it’s real. Lockwood [allowing himself to hope]: So? Lucy: I believe we have a connection. what I doubt is your ability to sustain it in any meaningful way.
#and cate's brother said#I mean cate's brother said the location I'm the one workshopping dialogue options#lockwood spoilers#ish??? all this happens off page#anyway brother said 'she should say it to flo or something'#and i said 'no i want her to say it to his FACE'#and he said 'AT THE DINER'#I had to pause for like forty seconds. couldn't move on.#I'm still there mentally#the hollow boy#the creeping shadow#cate liveblogs!#cate reads l&c
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AuDHD is so funny sometimes like what do you mean my hyperfixations/special interests will last for years on end or possibly forever but they will cycle out every month or two with absolutely no transitional period or warning. like i will think about the same topic every day obsessively for 46 days in a row and on the 47th day with no visible cause adhd brain goes "ok! bored of that now" and autism brain goes "dw i got something queued up for ya" and i blast into full blown obsession on some other topic whose mental file folders haven't opened in 9 months. brain's out here treating hyperfixations like a crop rotation. once the dopamine runs out it cycles in another one but once something's in the rotation it never ever leaves. last summer we brought in one from when i was 11. it's so funny to me but frustrating too bc like. i cannot stress enough my inability to predict or control this. or how completely abrupt and random it can be
#actually adhd#actually autistic#audhd#aphelion.txt#ik 'adhd brain' vs 'autism brain' is a gross oversimplification especially given how much overlap there can be#but it at least helps me conceptualize wtf is going on in my head when i do this lol#and yeah i'm mostly referring to fandoms in this post but it can happen w more 'Traditional' special interests too#like my linguistics special interest which hasn't popped up in a couple years now but whenever it does#i will fill literal notebooks while studying 4 languages at once and simultaneously inventing a conlang#and then i'll be like Ok that was fun! and several months later im deleting like. 2gb of textbooks off my iphone to make room for an update#And sometimes yeah there is a precipitating event like 'Oh something new happened in X fandom with my blorbo!' but sometimes it's like#yeah. no. idk either. switch got flipped in my brain and X no longer sparks joy. only Y rn. how come it's Y? yeah idk i also wish i knew#i don't think any of this is actually an uncommon experience for people with these types of neurodivergencies it's just.#the severity of abruptness and TOTALITY of the switch that makes me feel like a weirdo sometimes lol#like I'M getting mental whiplash from this sometimes. idk how y'all are still following my blog
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Nothing will dispell the "the curtains were just blue" myth faster than writing something yourself, because the amount of pretentious symbolism i am putting in my silly little fanfics is ridiculous. I mean SO much with these words, literally every single one of them. This fic has twenty five typos and zero correct uses of punctuation but if there's curtains you bet your ass I put thought into what colour they were.
#writing#fic writing#like this is stuff i'm doing for fun with my perfectionism meter turned down as far as i can get it#and i am still thinking about it A LOT#talk to me about how in red string fic jgy perceives the memory block both as syrup and as mud but nmj thinks it feels like blood#it's just a thing in their heads that mentally feels kind of thick and sticky but they both made something different of it#it's about issues with cleanliness / lies as a way to craft an illusion of a better lopking world vs the constant violence nmj lives in
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senshi fans: learning how to make nutritious meals for themselves
laios fans: down bad
marcille fans: lesbianism
chilchuck fans: putting that man in situations
#this is what I've observed over the past few weeks#it's great#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#senshi#laois touden#marcille donato#chilchuck#2000+ notes later and I'm starting to think i read y'all to filth#with exception to senshi fans also being down for him#update at 9000 notes: you can like laois for autism reasons and still be down bad#some of y'all in the tags and fics are down bad for laois in mental way#like you want him to be real so you can do brain crazy with him do you understand
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His imagination:
(enter the mind of a master procrastinator and at every corner you'll find a masterpiece)
#mentally I'm still here#additional time#blue lock anime#nagi seishiro#barou shoei#sendou shuto#itoshi rin#itoshi sae#bllk#blue lock#episode nagi
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As somebody who has struggled with mental health all of their life and still does, Jinx's romance with Ekko means the world to me.
I'm sick and tired of people considering mentally ill people just "not interested in love" or, on the other side, "not healthy enough to be loved". Which is utterly stupid. Ekko falling for Powder but clearly showing signs of wanting to learn more about Jinx and on his way to love her too, realizing that her damaged past and issues do change her but she's still his girl. It's brilliant writing.
He can't be a savior to her, because there's nothing to save. There's nothing to fix. The whole message Jayce gives with "there's beauty in imperfections" goes hand in hand with Powder's "sometimes taking a leap forward means leaving a few things behind". Ekko goes from wanting to save her to wanting to see more of her and leaving Powder behind to know about Jinx. With Ekko loving Jinx nevertheless it shows that mentally ill people can be loved. And with Powder reciprocating and Jinx making amends with Ekko (with the romantic context behind already seen) it's breaking the whole stereotype of her being this "insane maniac with no remorse and unable to show love".
So I guess what I want to say is that their relationship would've worked in another universe, but I want to believe it could've worked in this one (with time), too.
#i'm using powder/jinx as a metaphor for better/worse mental health and trauma and how i percieve the character#powder and jinx are the same person and jinx is still her but she's different and we also have to acknowledge that. ekko too#when he's about to call her powder but changes it to jinx i am sobbing here ewjkjfbwejkefbewk#just saying this as someone who genuinely usde to believe they couldn't be loved or even love for who they were and their mental issues#jinx and ekko mean everything to me fr#arcane#timebomb#ekko arcane#jinx arcane
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Do you think in the Underworld Eurylochus heard voices of the drowned men asking him why he opened the bag?-
#like when Oddyseus heard#~why would you let the cyclops live when ruthlessness is mercy~#do you think Eurylochus heard something like#~Why would you open the bag you've doomed us all Eurylochus~#or something like this#yknow#the wisdom saga is out and I'm still mentally stuck in the Underworld saga help#epic the musical#epic the underworld saga#epic the wisdom saga#eurylochus#eurylocus epic#tagamemnon#the oddyssey#oddyseus#jorge rivera herrans#mr jalapeño#someone probably already did this
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today i love the red metal crane in her long neck arching her body over the boston skyline, which means i am okay for a moment. when i am unwell, everything is a little ugly. i always tell myself look for the beauty but when it is bad, i will look at birds and sunsets and little ducklings and feel absolutely nothing.
when my brother got his puppy, i was in a deep depression. what kind of monster isn't affected by a puppy. i was gentle and kind to her - i just didn't have an emotional reaction. she's five now and i feel like i spend all of our interactions apologizing to her - i don't know why. i just didn't feel anything. how embarrassing. i feel like if i admit that, i'll seem cruel and jaded. it comes in waves. like, two months ago when i went out into the world - it was like that. life behind a pane of stormglass. a firework could go off over your head - nothing. like dead skin, no reaction. not to ice cream or rainbows or baby chickens. life foggy and uninteresting.
i love goslings again. i love their little webbed feet splayed over grass. i love good food and live music and long walks. i like puppies. i feel like some kind of my soul has been starved - i keep staring at everything with wide eyes, trying to burrow the sensation into my stomach. it's real. beauty is real. when it's bad again, remember this. i stop and smell the flowers, feeling cliche in the moment. i like the white-to-red ombre of my neighbor's roses. i like colorcoding and yoga and cold drinks. i try to pass my hands over every moment, feeling like i'm squeezing joy out of every instant. remember this. for the love of god, it's real - just remember this.
#and yet i NEVER DO REMEMBER IT#spilled ink#writeblr#i feel like due to tiktok ppl think >#deeply depressed & not having an emotional reaction to things MUST mean#you are cruel or uncaring#like girlie that is STILL a lack of mental illness awareness. it doesn't make us mean#it just means im like. ohhhh im not well. i don't really react to puppies. that's bad#Im still gonna be super nice to the puppy. like it just doesn't bring me joy.#bc the problem i have is CLINICAL. the dopamine ISNT being made.#but PLENTY of us are still kind#considerate.#GENTLE people. even if we're like '..........' all the time.#i actually think this is why i'm harsh on people who are so mean - you don't need to be emotionally attached to someone/thing#in order to be kind.... you just choose to be kind bc it's the right thing to do#not bc it's easy....... like it's extra effort sure. but it's worth it. bc ppl deserve kindness.#it's hard to describe this bc it's the ugly side of depression. the part that's like#not in netflix - the part where it's like ''i love this person. i just don't feel anything''
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The Mighty Nein Reunion: Echoes of the Solstice
#critical role#ygifs#cr lb#echoes of the solstice live show#ashley#marisha#laura#ETHEREAL WOMEN. DEAD TO HAVE SEEN THEM LIVE#me sitting there already mentally giffing all the moments I need to chew like IT'S SO GOOD Y'GUYS I'M STILL#they're so fucking beautiful so fucking hot I'm just
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Tim AU (Terminal AU)
was thinking lately about how Tim seriously needs his own mantle and that i don't like that he returned to Robin after his stint as Red Robin.... and thus this was created.
named him Terminal because of what you see up there with the definitions. Tim coming into his own hero would be the "death" or "end" of his time as Robin for good, signaling a new era for him. He had to choose this path (because he was forced to). And also, the last one really felt Tim. I wanted to see if there was a part of a camera that I could use as the name (because I am a sucker for Tim and his photography, even if it's not "canon"), and saw the terminal cover and I went looking. and here we are!
It still very much looks like his old Robin suit but that was on purpose. He's not Robin, but I don't think he would branch away from it completely (because for Dick and Jason the circumstances were different), so I think he'd keep most of the suit design, but would go with developing a lot of his own gadgetry. hence: more storage space. (seriously considering that Tim would keep adding belts and then decide to change his pants, and from there he'd start losing aspects of the Robin suit naturally and delve more into an older look.)
color scheme based off of the desert, which I think was a serious turning point for him. + the gas mask because Gotham villains LOVE to poison, gas, etc and Tim, newly spleenless, should not take any chances with that. DC why did we ignore he lost his spleen. why.
(also i am obsessed with the pen I made but I'm still doing some tweaks to it/figuring out exactly how I want it. once i figure it out i WILL be unstoppable just watch me)
#i saw some art i made literally just a few months ago and was like “what the hell is that” (bad anatomy)#i'm still figuring it out#it ALWAYS looks off to me idk why#tim drake#red robin dc#give tim drake his own mantle#terminal au#tim drake au#digital art#seriously i really don't see why he went back to robin#i feel like tim becoming his own hero would be like. a good idea for him. mental health wise...#dc#batman#batfam
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Me every time I log back in to this account
I'm thrilled you're still here! I'm not gonna make any promises but I've missed this blog
#tldr: i had a spectacular mental health breakdown i'm still working on#but my therapist said I should not let this blog overwhelm me with stress#because at the end of the day i'm just here to share some fashion history#it's not my full time job
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#mentally I'm still here#cuties#god#get married and have babies you two#polin#penelope x colin#colin x penelope#penelope featherington#colin bridgerton#love#nicola coughlan#luke newton
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[ID in alt text, transcripts for comics also found there!]
🎉🎇HAPPY NEW YEAR!🎇🎉
Sure was a year...This is just me taking the end of year opportunity to post the various DC comics doodles that have been gathering dust in my files! Disclaimer that I'm a heathen who mostly reads batfam comics (and also a lot of. Sidekick-y stuff? Like YJ98) and these are all for fun! (Image #3 is a direct adaptation of this text post I made)
#dc comics#dc#cassandra cain#damian wayne#roy harper#lian harper#cassie sandsmark#maya ducard#flatline dc#kathy branden#...im hesitant to tag steph bc i feel like everytime i tag her the post refuses to show in her tag#stephanie brown#anyway yeah uhhh recently bought the yj98 omnibus (IT'S FUCKING HUGE) so that's why cassie redesign#years and years ago i posted a draft of a cassie redesign that's like. similar to what i have but i vastly prefer this version#OH!#i forgot to tag stephcass :(#whoopsie#but yeah i did a lot of steph reading this year (STILL SO MUCH TO DO) and ouughh boy. she's had her claws in my brain ever since#damian and dick are there. nough said#<- I'm extremely mentally ill about them there's just still a lot for me to read. i have nightwing rebirth with them! and some early b&r 09#also robin 2021 issue. 4? i wanna say? the one where dick gives damian his bday present. makes me cry like a pressure washer#also I'm so sorry if I've somehow managed to (in my extremely limited presentation of them) present roy and lian as ooc in anyway#I've only read arsenal 1998 bc it was a mini. hit or miss but it did imprint a love of roy and lian on me#I'm only semi following the current green arrow run rn mostly for those 2#(also sidenote the guy who writes current GA is ALSO writing B&R AND SUPERMAN??? AND A G.I JOE COMIC????-#-girl say what you want about his work it's a miracle any of it is comprehensible at all w/ all those titles going on)#(he said he's not sure how long he'll stay on GA tho. I'm also low-key not sure how long he'll stay on B&R-#-though i imagine it'll be at least a years worth bc he said that's how much notes he has for plot? also idk if many other writers at dc-#-are interested in damian rn especially next to Bruce)#HOO this got away from me I'm outta tags. uhhhh see u guys in 2014! woo!
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Are you gonna make the playlists for the heartless characters public? Or has that already happened and I just missed it
AH I haven't shared my character-specific Heartless playlists as some of the songs on them were SUCH specific picks that they risk being highly spoilery lol 😅
(For funsies tho I'm gonna put some of my non-spoilery-est top tracks for each character under the cut! 🎶)
HEARTLESS: Heartbeat – The Midnight
ALCHEMY: Transform – Julianne Hough (this was the very first track on Alchemy's playlist it is SO them)
FLINT: Change Your Heart Or Die – The Midnight
EIRA: In The Cold – Vincent Lima
DOPPEL+GLASS: Call Them Brothers – Regina Spektor (And "Still Here" from Treasure Planet, but especially the Alex Ubego version)
RIVER: Machine Learning – Janani K. Jha
CREED: Hunting Witches – Kyle Stibbs
LORELEI: Siren Song – Lambia (Also: Ado’s version of Unravel 😩👌)
DIANA: Hell’s Comin’ With Me – (the Chloe Breez cover in particular)
LANCE: Blood Upon The Snow – Hozier (Most of his playlist is the kind of metal and high energy tunes you might expect for him, so this one's a fun outlier :3c )
BANDY: HARLEQUIN! – Vana
DOCK: Eye For An Eye – 8 Graves
#daily dork#heartless#abd illustrates#playlists#music#also: always v much open to suggestions if y'all have any tunes you associate with any of the Heartless crew! (^^)/#it was so hard to pick just one track apiece here omg sgfkhsfd#but these all inspire some fun mental images for me so hopefully they're a fun listen! (^^)/#fun fact my other pick for Bandy would've been that work song from Trolls 3#also I mention that particular cover of Still Here 'cause it's the closest a voice has sounded to how I imagine Doppel's voice#like its not exact but there's somethin about the tone and mix of softer moments along with the teeeeny amount of grit at the beltier parts#feels like it's D+G's range so it's nice to listen to when I'm trying to brainstorm anything about them
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✷ purest thoughts ✷
if this resonates with you, feel free to support this lil creacher living paycheck to paycheck! ► my ko-fi page ☕️
#illustration#aesthetic#plants#magic#esoteric#ecosystem#blue#pink#morning glory#stars#forget me not#flowers#magical#mental health#hey!! its been awhile. i hope you've been well <3#art ph#portfolio#art fart#prinsomnia#being an adult is hard. i miss the simpler days when i was younger when i was able to not worry so much abt my bills and surviving and just#keep drawing#i still have so much to figure out but i'll keep going#life has become kinder to me despite the hardships and i'm extremely grateful for that#so i'm sending you all the hugs and the support if u need it! i hope you enjoy this piece. :~)#thank you for viewing and supporting me!
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