#I'm sorry that's all im going to be able to think about

[icarusredwings]

Do you guys ever think about dementia Charles seeing Pietro and getting sad or becoming really happy because his poor mind connects the dots that he's Erik? It dosn't compute that this wouldn't be Erik because hes too young to be Erik rather assuming that he is young Erik and not exactly having the logic to understand that they are so differently aged.

"Oh! My old friend, you've gotten a haircut. Quite bold of you. It makes you look much younger."

".. yeah, yeah, old man.." he mutters, trying to avoid him best he can, but sometimes, when the others are busy, he can't stand to leave him alone. Coming to sit with him just to litsen to him gab about random nonsense, talking so fondly about his X-men and memories dear to him.

"Do you remember?"

"Do I remember what?"

"When Jean got her first bad grade and she cried to you about how cruel I was to her." He chuckles softly. "And all she got was a B-"

Pietro stares at him like he's crazy. Jean cried to his father? But why? He had his own children to take care of. So why would he treat her like that? It makes him a bit angry. "No.. I don't. What else?"

"Hm?"

"What else happened? With jean and my da- erm. Me."

"I believe it's Jean and I." He corrects his grammer, making the younger man roll his eyes in annoyance. Once a professor always a professor I guess.

"Sure. Jean and I.."

"You acussed me of being too hard on her, but when I explained it, you laughed... I haven't seen you laugh like that in so long.." It's sort of now that Charles remembers what's going on. Who he's talking to.

"..Im sorry. Who are you again?"

"Well you like to call me speedster."

"Pft. No I do not. Mr. Maximoff.. you've grown so big since the last time ive seen you."

'You just saw me yesterday' he thinks but makes that awkward smile and nods. "Yup.."

"Youll have to forgive me. Im not always.... here."

"I know.. are you alright?"

He shrugs in his chair. "About as alright as anyone could be in my situation." Ah yes. The paralyzed old bald man who was losing his mind still had jokes. Funny. But sad. He remembered him being so similar and yet.. so different.

It's not long before Jean comes to give him his medicine again, convincing him that it was for the kid's saftey. "You don't want to hurt them. Do you, Charles?"

"No... but I'm not that gone yet. I can decide when it's best to take my medication."

She smiles so sweetly at him. "Professor, you made this time schedule yourself. Im just doing what you told me. You always knew best for us."

"Oh.. well, alright then."

Before Jean can walk away, He stares at her.

"....Why did my father like you?"

"Excuse me?"

"Charles... he said.." He trails off, not sure how to say it without talking too quickly.

"He said you cried to my father. And.. he defended you."

Jean tilts her head. "I wouldn't say defended. I was just a child having a fit." She admits then shifts, looking at the walls as if remembering.

".. He was here a lot.. and then he just.. stopped coming. Im sorry. I don't know why. Like I said I was just-"

"Didyoureadhismind?"

"Uhm.. just a couple times."

"Jean used to con you into getting her ice cream." Charles smiles, closing his eyes, reminiscing.

"He.. got you ice cream?"

Jean's not dumb. She understands his frustrations, glancing at the old man and then to Pietro again. "Like I said.. I was just a kid.. I was just excited to be able to use my powers. I didn't mean anything by it. I didn't even know he had other children."

"...He never got us ice cream.. he didn't even bother sign my birth certificate.."

"Im sorry, Peter... Professor? Tonights dinner is potatoes gravy turkey with apple sauce. Remys making it so it might be a little spicy."

"Oh, that's alright. He means well. Erm.. thats the blue one right?"

Jean snorts. "No Professor. He's the card one."

"Oooh yes. Reeemmyy... right." He says his name slowly as if trying to connect 'the card one' to 'Remy' in his brain.

"...Bye Peter." She says, now awkwardly leaving.

"Remys that rat from the cooking movie" Pietro whispers and Charles' eyebrows raise. "Ahhh! Remy! That's right."

He might be an x-men. But he could still pull a little evil here and there.

[genderqueerdykes]

Just wanna say thanks for talking about the intersections between being transfem and a guy and nonbinary recently, it doesn't get enough conversation at all. I'm genderfluid and usually just leave it at telling people I'm transmasc even though I also still id with being a girl (just not in a cis way). A good friend of mine is also genderfluid and even cis queer people tended to treat her like a gnc cis guy even though he's also a girl and nonbinary and I'm very ready to just start biting people over this. There's more of us than people think!!! So thank you for talking about it.

people just do not want to accept that multigender and genderfluid people exist and i don't get it. they especially do not want to let you define your own genders. its like the second people find out you have multiple genders they get very possessive over how you identify. im sorry to hear your friend deals with that, she deserves to be able to explore the complexity of his own gender in peace without having people make assumptions

some multigender have cis identities, some multigender people consider all of their identities trans, some people have different situations going on altogether and it really should become more common for people to accept the concept of having multiple genders. it's like that's just too far for some people. you and your friend deserve to be able to express and tell other queer people what your identities are. i hope you're able to find some friends who get both of your identities

there's more of us than you think

thank you! thanks for stopping by, take care of yourself!

[shecriestotheclickingoftime]

favorite fandom writers 1 2 3 GOOOOO

ok i think i almost went insane trying to answer this question but i was also hoping that someone would ask bc i could yap about this forever!!

my list (also w specific fic recs) in no particular order:

@tinytennisskirt 's fics are some of the first i read in this fandom, and omg they're all just too good. i got into their fics back when i was an art girlie (and before i even started actually posting on here) and omg cottage culture changed my brain chemistry. and also same with kiss me. and then for patrick fics those three words is also just so so good.

@egcdeath i originally knew from reading their fics on ao3 before i even started this account (i'm new to being in tumbler fandoms but a very longtime ao3 user). she isn't active anymore but it would feel wrong to not mention them in this post. their fic off the beaten path. i read it on ao3 so long ago but i must admit that somehow it still lives in my mind rent free... like genuinely there are specific scenes that i still replay in my head at night when im trying to fall asleep.

@fruitjoos also needed to be on this list!! their fic serving up suds is one of my favs, it's so cute and so fun and also just so well written. also her fic homesick is new, but i've already found myself revisiting it multiple times for comfort. im always on the edge of my seat to see what she's gonna post next, because i already know that it's gonna be so good.

@grimsonandclover is an amazing mutual of mine now, but i also knew originally from ao3, and read their fics long before i ever talked to them (i don't think i've ever told them that though oops). they wrote the fic you & i as a gift for me and the kindness of them doing that still sticks with me, and also that fic is just amazing.

@diyasgarden 's prose in her writing is genuinely unmatched. she has a way of understanding characters so deeply. and this is very clear in her writing - she is able to write these characters in such an honest way that it's heart-shattering and beautiful, with language that's so so gorgeous. this isn't even a full fic, but her work about patrick tht was based off of anything by adrianne lenker actually made me sit for a second and process bc it was just so good. i have to mention she also has amazing taste in literature (which makes a lot of sense based on her writing), i will forever treasure our 2-person oomf book club.

@amymbona was also one of the first people who i followed on here, before i even started posting, and her stories are so good. both her AUs and blurbs are so good, and going through her masterlist is like discovering a box of treasures. i still revisit the list, finding new things to read and scenarios to imagine, and my sadness and boredom is instantly cured.

OKKKKKKK that's the list!! sorry that this list is so long and specific, but im a yapper at heart and i needed to speak!! i basically ended up writing this instead of my history essay that i was going to write... but writing this was just too necessary. also if any of these writers read this, sorry if this is weird 😭😭 

[biteyoubiteme]

so. yeonkai au. reader/mc got her first kiss with kai (and, well, he got his with her too), so it basically means one of them took her viginity (i guess...?)

so. which one?

it's like... assuming kai is nervous af, maybe yeonjun said he'd be the one because kai could be awkward and hurt her or something like that "no offense, man, but her comfort is top priority".

orrrr yeonjun could say "nah. you two lose it in the same time, go ahead, i'll guide and lend a hand if it's needed and prepare her, but kai's the one to do it".

i do feel like it's actually the second one, because the first one is just what my yeonjun-biased brain wants me to think.

not a request just a thought pls

warnings: nsfw yeonkai x reader thoughts (mostly me just rambling)

Omg i missed you! But how have i never thought about this before? When i wrote about kai and reader being each other's first kiss i had that idea in my head for so long but never who took whose virginity. But i agree more with the second one. I think yeonjun is mostly a watcher/ seconds is best kind of partner in this throuple lol i always make him go last and i think it has to do with nostalgia of the first time, same as bringing up the kiss in movie date. 

I find yeonjun in the yeonkai au to be very giving. He wants to see reader experience pleasure more than he wants to receive it/ he gets pleasure from watching and wanting reader. Versus kai who i see as, yes wanting to give reader pleasure but also is overcome with his own need in the end. I think he wouldn't even realize he was chasing his own high until he notices that to achieve peak pleasure he needs reader to cum along with him. But he learns early on in their relationship that most of what gives him pleasure also gives reader pleasure. So at first although he is awkward and shy its okay bc they are so new to sex and they have yeonjun to help talk them through it. I'm basing this all off of busy signal as well and kai not being able to get reader off that one time and that being why he's so shy about initiating sex and because yeonjun is so open about wanting reader, kai would be kind of worried that he wants reader too much im comparison and worried he will forget and focus on himself (although he never does) 

So i think yeonjun would get reader off first, prepping her with oral, and then letting kai take over. Who in turn gets off too fast because it's his first time and yeonjun then replaces him and gets himself and reader off again.

I don't know if any of this made sense lol and sorry if it's just me rambling but I'm so happy to have questions like this lol I'm always thinking about them anyway.

[heyitsmemel]

hi hello gals and gays. Here is a rare wav from me struggling with the flu. The virus has mainly been in my chest but my entire body is so wrecked I was able to induce super easily. No talking bc I’m literally unable to 😭 Do not listen if you can't stand harsh coughing because it gets a bit rough. If it sounds a bit weird the first half of the recording is from yesterday and the second half is from today, bc the coughing is so much worse in the second half lmao. Ok that's it thankkk you for feeding me so good lately tumblr love u all <3

also personal rant about ableism and intentional contagion in the comments :///

[rabbithaver]

every so often i will see a post from a leftist on this website that is so egregiously ableist that i remember that like. oh yeah the userbase of leftists on this website is violently anti-disabled people and will jump at any chance to demonize any of us for any reason. i just forget that fact because i'm extremely dedicated to curating my space

i'm paraphrasing here but i saw a post that said, "every time i see an American [disabled person] mention being scared about the election because they're afraid of losing their benefits i have to laugh. anybody who wants blood-soaked money from the US government deserves to starve" which. like. goodness that's a lot to unpack. i think we should burn the whole suitcase instead !

[dandyshucks]

i Love pkmn but i love it as a worldbuild. when i play the game its just bc i like exploring the world and the critters. and i feel like everyone else who likes pkmn are all ppl who Love the games and competitive parts of it. so i feel a little embarrassed about not being a game-lover and competition-lover... i simply enjoy the world and the silly creatures 😭😭

[anastacialy]

y'know, i keep making a habit of swinging my bat at hornets nests, but i have to say i'm getting so, so tired of people complaining about shows not making perfect sense when they aren't even close to done. we're four episodes into this season of doctor who. we're four episodes into this season of bridgerton. and yet in both fandoms i keep seeing people whine that such and such didn't make sense or it wasn't explained all the way and by god you guys i think maybe explanations might come later in the season. this is something most viewers will recognize as being called a 'plot.'

[crescentfool]

beaming everyone on the dashh with good brain day vibes!!! i hope that you all can remember to extend self-compassion to yourself whenever you're feeling down about something 💙

[skrunksthatwunk]

"i'm not disabled" followed immediately by "i've got bad knees and a bad back" is certainly something to read 🤨 you know it doesn't have to be cripling for it to count, right...? it's not normal to be in pain after 15 minutes of standing. ableds can stand for, like, an hour at a time before they need to sit.

i know! i appreciate the concern, but i uh. dunno lol. genuinely i don't know. but i included the afaik ("i'm not disabled afaik" was the original phrase, though i'm not like mad at you for excluding it or anything) because i'm well aware that it's a possibility. it's hard to explain but there's a lot of little things that don't add up to much but are like. noticeable. like i would prefer to do most things sitting, if i could, as a matter of comfort. it would be easier for me. and walking isn't as bad as just standing. i've never been great at taking care of my body, and this has only gotten worse with time. it's hard for me to know what i should read as necessity and what i should read as preference, and how much weight to put on said preferences. like you said, i know it doesn't need to be "if i don't sit down i'm going to collapse" or anything, but where to draw that line between Definitely A Medical Thing That Affects Me More Than Other People and.. not that, i'm not sure. i kinda just thought i was a persistently slightly tired and low energy person, but it doesn't seem bad enough to be chronic fatigue, so...? is it related to the half-diagnosed. idk it's complicated depression (and yes in hindsight i probably should've counted that as disabling but whatever)? idk it's not a rabbit hole i've explored much at all is my point. but i know it's there and uh i guess this was sort of validating in a way anon so.. yeah? yeah👍

[obnoxiousarcade]

im thinking again

[if-loki-was-a-fox]

Hhhhhh why does it always have to take me six hours to transition into doing anything it's so frustrating I just wanna write that fanfic NOW or take the shower NOW or get out of bed NOW I don't want to spend half the day hyping myself up for it >:|

[nashvillehotchicken]

since my mom has some trauma from being ex-mormon and ex-nazarene and there have been a lot of issues between us both in some held-onto beliefs and triggers, i've not been wanting to tell her explicitly that i'm converting until i'm able to move out and have a bit of stability and a better sense of safety

i do still want to be at least slightly open about this and sort of sneakily educate may family for the better so i've been using the "my friend" rule to talk abt my studies and its working hilariously well lmao

[the-cinnamon-snail]

.

[loverboybrightsideghost]

they should invent a me that's good at everything i want to be good at. [thing from the addams family pokes out of a nearby box and hands me a piece of paper] thank you, thing. what's this...oh! why, it's a paper that says i have to be the one to do that for my future self! huh.

[silverselfshippingchaos]

happy summer vacation :D