#I'm sorry I'm so autistic its not even funny

[jag-rat]

Let's analyse the drow!

Quick history on the drow: The drow have been historically characterised as ‘evil’, especially in earlier editions their alignment was always on the evil spectrum. Even Drizzt Do’urden for example was a story that essentially circles around one ‘good’ drow who managed to rise above the rest of his kin and become ‘one of the good ones’. I think we also need to acknowledge that in the earlier editions drow definitely had racist implications around them intentionally or not. With the drow initially being described as ‘completely opal black aside from their white hair’ and essentially just existed as the ‘evil’ elf counterparts to their perfect blonde cousins. Now in recent years wizards of the coast have started to rectify this. As of right now Drow have been described as being more purplish grey in colour and are steering towards being implied not to be 'completely evil'. There's no doubt about it that the drow have had a rocky history and being overtly over-sexualisalised by the early writers definitely didn't help much either. But I still think there's something very interesting wedged into this unique race of elves. 

Lolth's role: Their main goddess is of course Lolth who even in modern renditions is always depicted as a chaotic evil spider demon. You could argue she’s currently the main reason why the surface folk still don’t like these dark elves. Even in Baldur's gate three which came out last year the writers make a point of emphasising that the ‘good drow’ are the ones choosing to rebel against this goddess. Now obviously this ‘good’ and ‘evil’ thing has always been a core part of DND, which makes sense given it was inspired by Tolkien who consistently made a point about there being two sides, good and evil. And it's still a very common theme in modern fantasy but I think when we look at Lolth and her connection to the drow from a more contextual standpoint this insistence of ‘evil’ isn’t nearly as interesting as exploring the greyer implications of how this Goddess came to be. Being viewed as ‘evil’ in the dnd universe is natural as Lolth is written as a chaotic evil being, encouraging violence, the sacrifice of first born sons, and general betrayal among your fellow drow isn’t very appealing. It's enough for anyone to wonder why the drow worship her in the first place if they aren’t evil. However I think it's also important to remember in real life when we create gods they almost always reflect our world, the good and the bad. Let's take Zeus for example, he was a pretty shitty guy, cheating on his wife, kidnapping women and punishing people for petty reasons. But he was still worshipped, he just reflected power and kinghood. And kings aren't perfect or benevolent, they can abuse their power and take what they want. People are complex and imperfect and so are their Gods. So a similar sort of argument could be made for Lolth. 

How the environment shapes a culture: The underdark is almost always described as a harsh environment, with creatures like hook horrors casually wandering around, mushrooms that explode when touched and let's be honest probably not a lot of food in a place with little sunlight or stability. Earthquakes happen often here killing many and flattening villages. The underdark is without a doubt an unpredictable chaotic and cruel hellscape where death is a guarantee and often occurs for little to no reason. It's not hard to imagine how competition could become everything here. That means that every creature living in the underdark, even every other drow clan is just another competitor for those sparse food and resources in an already barren and harsh climate. In an environment so unforgiving and competitive you can imagine how a Goddess such as Lolth would be worshipped. Because Lolth, like most Gods, reflects the environment her worshippers live in, she is characterised as being as cruel, violent and chaotic as the underdark is. And the teachings of violence, sacrifice and betrayal that she encourages of her followers might not actually be such a bad thing but rather the key to the drows continued long term survival in such an impossible climate. Traditions and culture almost always stem from a purpose, in this case how you survive. The cutthroat nature of drow culture mirrors the underdark in such a way that it ensures that the strongest survive (although it's important to note when I say ‘strongest’ I don't mean it in a literal sense but rather those who possess the qualities best suited for survival in that environment.) The strict hierarchical structure also ensures this, with female drow being favoured as they are naturally larger, stronger and more robust than their male counterparts. Which in itself is most likely because larger stronger women generally lead to a higher rate of survival in offspring especially in harsher conditions where a single misstep can be certain death. This physical and social difference lends itself to the spider metaphor of their goddess both literally and figuratively where spiders eat their males. But as unfair as this rigid hierarchy based on sex seems, it can be argued like many cultural phenomena to be a curated survival method in itself. After all you need fewer males than females to maintain a stable population which is an important detail when living somewhere with a natural lack of food. Even sacrificing your first newborn son as gruesome of a tradition as it is, in a way makes sense. It selectively ensures that the male population is lower meaning less overall resource demand in an already scarce environment will be lower while still being able to maintain some semblance of genetic diversity.

Solutions to these dilemmas?: Now of course it goes without saying all these things are horrible, sex selection, strict hierarchies and encouraged violence to decrease competition are all bad. However in an extreme dystopian sounding scenario such as this one it does at the very least make sense. And I think what we can gather from this is that despite all the terrible things, at least terrible to us living in the world we are, drow aren’t really evil. Not even their society despite its depiction is ‘evil’. Calling them evil is kind of like if lions from a zoo who get fed everyday started calling wild lions evil for eating zebras. We may not like it of course but it's not fair to call it evil, it’s survival. In the same way Lolth isn’t even an ‘evil’ Goddess, she's just a cruel and unfair one, made to reflect the natural violence of the underdark and the lived experiences of those worshipping her. When debating the drows morality it's just about context. It brings some questions to mind. Like if the ‘good drow’ drow who are against Lolth did manage to rebel and forcefully shift the culture of the drow to be more like the surface elves for example what would really happen? Would the drow stop all their violent habits and competitiveness to live happily ever after in a more equal world? Or when all of this ‘evil’ behaviour was ‘corrected’ would it lead to a ripple effect causing famine and death anyway? Who are the surface dwellers to determine what’s wrong and right when they’ve never had to survive in such an environment? Perhaps instead the culture of the drow would just naturally change over time anyways if the need for those more violent and extreme traditions subsided because there were more ways of accessing resources and building a stabler environment. Either way I don’t know the future of drow society, but what I do know is that it’s far more complex and grey than we give it credit for.

[bukuoshin]

Okay, it's. It's probably safe to say I'm autistic, lol

[drchucktingle]

On your blog you've talked about dealing with chronic as a result from the stress of masking your autism.

It's a bit of a different situation, but my little sister (who we've begun to suspect has adhd) has been experiencing chronic pain in her arms and legs. I may be totally off base, but I was wondering if a similar stess might potentially be a factor in her pain.

If you're willing, would you mind talking about how your pain affected before you found a way to manage it (I tried searching your tumblr, but not much came up, so sorry if I'm asking a question that's already been answered)?

Thanks either way, I love your books. Love is real!

sure buckaroo GOOD QUESTION. i have had chronic pain in some form or another for LONG TIME in a number of STRESS RELATED WAYS. in past it has been cracking teeth from clenching dang jaws while i sleep and things like that, but a few years ago it was FULL ON BODY PAIN AND TIGHTNESS like every muscle was clenching up. went to the doctor over and over all kinds of dang specialists and it was very difficult to figure out what was going on. eventually landed on a sort of nebulous trot of STRESS but i can get more specific.

there are several things about me that you would never know just from looking or even talking to me for long times. i am a bi buckaroo, i am a non-dysphoric trans buckaroo, i am an autistic buckaroo. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THESE THINGS IS EITHER HIDDEN AUTOMATICALLY OR I AM SUCH AN EXPERT AT HIDING THAT IT IS SECOND NATURE

autism presents its trot in many ways, so my words do not apply to all, but my version is EXTREME ORGANIZATION AND ENDLESS WORK ETHIC. in way of freud (which is a silly way but sometimes good for symbolism talk) i have what you would call an OVERDEVELOPED SUPER EGO which is a double edged sword. i can write 100s of books at an incredible pace, but also feel like my body is constantly collapsing in on itself

this is not really something i consciously think about much, but eventually these health problems started creeping up. it was all from carrying this mystery tension in my body, because while it feels EASY for me to mask i believe all that tension goes somewhere and it stores up and stores up and stores up.

so i think the HEALTHY way that i have found to deal with this (i think of it as releasing the steam valve a bit so the boiler does not break down) is ART. this space where i am allowed to be CHUCK TINGLE and write without obsessing over the spelling or punctuation, or to loudly express my queerness, or explore gender, and to let my neurotypical mask down DIRECTLY RELIEVES my chronic pain because it literally makes my muscles relax.

when i started out this ARTISTIC TROT as chuck i used a LOT of metaphor to keep my privacy, with different words or different versions of people for different things, and buckaroos found this very funny. as a way to express myself artistically i also liked this metaphor trot a lot, but i have also found that the LESS metaphor i paint over my life as chuck, the better it is for my health. if you have noticed, i talk less about some of the parts of my life that were metaphors, or maybe you have seen that my voice has relaxed a bit in interviews, or that i carry myself a little differently over time, this is partially why. (there is another artistic reason that was a planned trot from the beginning and it has to do with my feelings as a young autistic buckaroo of not fitting in on this timeline, but we can dive into that later).

anyway, as PRACTICAL ADVICE i would say that FINDING A SPACE TO EXPRESS YOURSELF WITHOUT FEAR OR MASKING has been the number one trot for me. that can be a pink bag over your head writing hundreds of erotic shorts, or that can be just laying on the ground howling your heart out, or doing whatever stim you need to do.

i will also say that ONCE I REALIZED IT WAS MUSCLE TENSION getting a physical therapist helped a lot. because there are two sides, you have to start releasing steam from the steam valve, but at the same time youve also gotta start HEALING THE DAMAGE. so i think stretching and techniques like that can be very helpful.

hope that helps buckaroo LOVE IS REAL

[tadpoles-and-daydreams]

Most of my followers on this account probably haven't been exposed to this community so y'all may not understand this, but I decided to self-reblog from my alt anyway. So here's a quick update on what I've been working on in my own identity and craft while I've set aside readings, in the form of some writing!

My first attempt at writing that's vaguely like poetry: from a dragon

I am not what you think.

I walk around, awkward limbs and flighty mannerisms, and you think I’m strange. You have no idea how strange you would think I am if you only saw what was underneath.

Underneath, I am a creature of the ocean. Something that could never pass as human, and no longer wants to. Saltwater rushes through my veins in secret, silent to everyone but me. To me, it’s a roaring sound of the waves that I have never seen except for within my soul. It yearns to dissolve into the ocean like it could long ago, but for now those days are over and I am hidden underneath skin and muscle.

Underneath, there are wings; fins; antlers. They ache to tear from my back, through my skull. Nonetheless, they stay hidden for me, safe in the silence. Protected like I protected my kin in a lifetime so close to the surface and yet unreachable. Wrapped in a form that no longer coils around them like a serpent, but keeps them hidden from predators well enough I suppose.

I suppose.

I accept my form reluctantly and do what I can to make it mine. I shape it to feel better when I discover my gender, and when I can’t shape it to fit my true self I cover it in things that feel a little more like home. A little more draconic. A little more like the ocean that I never have seen, but feel homesick for anyway.

I do find joy in being in this body, at least. Out there, there are others. Angels working minimum wage, dragons sitting on a park bench, wolves buying groceries. We hide, but we do so to be free. We walk through crowds, and no one notices our scales and fur and feathers. But we do. We see each other, even if from miles away, and we see what’s underneath.

And underneath, none of us are what you think.

(Tags for side commentary/context)

[laswells-ashtray]

Big fan of Rudy being autistic about his grey hoodie. It has countless stains, it's been sewn up more times than he can count and it's been washed so many times that the fabric is noticeably tattered even on it's best of days.

At first Alejandro doesn't get it, Rudy has his things as Alejandro likes to call it. Little things he does or says that Alejandro notices but he'd never comment on it or make a point of bringing it up in conversation, that's just Rudy and he loves him how he is. But he doesn't get the attachment to the hoodie, it's just a hoodie. He tries to convince Rudy to get rid of it or keep it to sleep in but wear a different hoodie on the field instead. That doesn't work and the more he brings it up, the more Rudy pulls away. He tries offering to buy a new hoodie and Rudy just looks blankly back at him before changing the subject and acting like he hadn't heard a thing.

Then Alejandro fucks up. He doesn't get rid of the hoodie but he takes it and hides it away in his room. Rudy is trying to get ready one morning when he realises his hoodie is missing and there's a new grey hoodie, different shade and material in it's place and it's in pristine condition. He knows, he knows instantly and he doesn't react. Doesn't comment on it, doesn't mention it to Alejandro. He just puts on another of his old hoodies and gives the new one to a soldier with a similar build to him.

He doesn't talk to Alejandro about it, he doesn't talk to him at all. Any paperwork that needs to be passed between them mysteriously appears in Ale's office but never once does he see the man delivering it. Rodolfo turns into a ghost on base, never to be seen and even the rookies don't know where he is half of the time.

Alejandro lasts three days before he crumbles. He sits with the old, tattered grey hoodie with its stupid sewn up thumbholes and waits on the edge of Rodolfo's bed until he shows up in his room that night.

Rodolfo is good at keeping a blank face, Alejandro finds it funny most days but his face isn't blank, no, Rudy is glaring at him. And he doesn't like it.

"Vargas-"

"I sewed up the hole at the neck, I don't think the thread matches but it isn't that noticeable."

He can't even laugh at the way Rudy snatches the hoodie out of his hands because he sees the way the other man's glare softens even just a little and he feels like shit. He might not get it but there's no need to try and change it if Rodolfo is comfortable and he clearly is.

"I'm sorry." Rodolfo offers him a soft hum of acknowledgement and he knows it's the best he'll get.

He stops bringing up the hoodie, in fact he becomes defensive over it. He helps repair it and wash out the stains, and unbeknownst to Rudy he hunts down an identical hoodie from the same brand, same size, colour and same stupid thumb holes for when the original hoodie becomes damaged beyond repair. Because it will, and Rodolfo won't get rid of it but he'll have a new one to wear when he keeps the old one in his room at base.

Years later Soap makes a little offhand comment about it, utterly casual. "Awfully fond of the hoodie, aye, Rudy?" The warning glare Alejandro shoots his way is enough to make Rodolfo laugh.

[spdrvyn]

I loved your post about Miguel x autistic reader and I really want more pleease

overwhelmingly peaceful

summary: you found your place in spider society, but that didn't take away from the fact that it can get intensely noisy. you don't hesitate to turn to where you know for sure you'll be safe.

tags: fluff. suggestive joke/s. autistic reader. reader is gender neutral. hobie's here too i guess. author doesn't know how to write british slang.

notes: i'm really glad that you guys enjoyed the autistic reader drabbles i posted so i'm more than happy to write this request! projecting even more in this one, thank you for letting me self-indulge <3

The mere existence of The Spider Society was always enough to astound you. You thought that people didn't Miguel enough credit for basically building the place from the ground up, not to mention how many times he's had to travel to different universes to recruit all different kinds of Spider-People.

Of course, you were more than honored to be one of those people. There was a very good chance that you just got lucky to be on his team, Miguel caught you in that one moment where your abilities were at their peak and your light was really shining through. Luck or skill, you didn't care. This was the result of it, you were content with that.

Unfortunately, the society has its downsides. Considering the sheer amount of spiders that pass through, the hustle and bustle is too hard to ignore. You can't exactly carry around headphones every time you're there because where would you leave them just in case you'd be tasked to another mission? So you just tried to avoid the noisiest places, even then, it's hard to get any semblance of quiet.

"Oh my god," you mumbled to yourself, as you silently glared at the cafeteria table next to you. Charisma was just a natural trait to any spider, with that came very boisterous laughter from other people too. Surely, they were nice people, but in front of your salad? Really?

"You good, mate?" Hobie intervened, he leaned his head to the side to get a better look at your face, a small grin came onto his features. "Lads beside you 've always been that noisy. Can get them to shut their traps if you want."

An inaudible sigh left your lips as you shook your head, combing the hair out of your face. You gazed down at your untouched food for a moment, you liked hanging out with Hobie. He understood you and he was funny, but you weren't quite sure if you could handle being in an environment like this right now.

"No, no- it's fine." He raised a brow at your lie. "Okay, it's not. But you don't have to do that for me," you picked up your small take-out box of salad and juice, "The canteen is just too much right now for me, sorry."

Hobie shrugged, picking up a fry and expertly throwing into his mouth. "No problem, always got my drummer to bother. You going to hang with your boyfriend now, eh?" His smile turned more cheeky and you stared at him meanly to take away from the fact that your cheeks warmed at his comment.

You huffed and stomped away, "Oi, you didn't deny that!"

Miguel's office (a.k.a man cave) was dark and decrepit. For some odd reason, also liked a smell of any kind. You designated each area of the headquarters with a scent, but his area lacked any of the sort which you enjoyed. Not to mention, silent.

It wasn't like he really allowed any loud noise anyway, he had a strange list of items that were prohibited from entering his corner. Bells, blenders, on occasion, phones but that was from one time Gwen forgot to shut her alarm off and she got a small lecture on being considerate because the acoustics caused every sound that passed through to reverberate and increase in volume.

That means it would only make sense for Miguel to also hear your footsteps from a mile away, his platform already lowered for you to hop on and he's hunched over his desk. Sparks fly (not just from the sight of him, I swear) from the spot that he worked on and if you're not mistaken, there's a band wrapped around his head which meant he was wearing goggles.

You set your lunch tray down on the one empty spot on his desk before approaching slowly, you bend down to rest your hand on his shoulder and to lean your head against his. "What are you working on now, beautiful?"

Miguel put down the small soldering tool and took off his goggles, putting the freshly made panel closer to his eyes. "People submitted suggestions to make the wrist devices less bulkier," he blindly wrapped an arm around your waist, pulling you onto his thigh as he pressed a kiss to your cheek. "Why are you here?"

"I'm an assassin, I've come to take your life." You spoke lowly, ominously. When Miguel doesn't turn to face you, you pout. "The noise in the cafeteria is overwhelming," you shift and properly situate yourself on his lap.

"I was just about to head out for lunch," Miguel sighed, before placing the panel in a small container.

"So... back to the cafeteria? People are sure to go speechless from catching a look at you," you joke, but there's a somber fry in your voice that he doesn't ignore. His warm breath tickled your neck as he pressed brief pecks down the column of your throat, the low hum he let out vibrating against your skin. "Are you that hungry, hermoso?"

"What I meant was," he paused, brushing more hair out of your face, properly tucking it behind your ear. "I was going to head up to my place for lunch. Where there's no people?"

You breathe a small 'ohhh' and Miguel chuckled, "That checks out, actually." You nodded. "Obviously there's no people, would've been weird to have anyone there two nights ago when we–"

"Okay, that's enough." Miguel cut you off, nearly smiling from ear to ear. "Get your lunch, mi sol."

"My hero."

[a-friend-of-mara]

Hello hello

It's been a long long time since I made an intro post so time to do it again

Hello everyone, I'm Mara, I'm an 18 year old autistic trans girlie on the interwebs. I'm mostly into women but recently have been getting bi-curious, I'm poly and in a relationship with some lovely people, I am okay with you flirting but don't get upset if I don't reciprocate your feelings, my partners come first.

New: I'm pissed as fuck that I have to write this, I'm turning off asks because I got five "help my family" asks today alone...

Rant below in green

At first I was like "idk, I don't have money so I'll just delete it" now I'm sure it's bots doing the whole "help my family" garbage. I don't have a better word for it than "evil"... people are fucking suffering and some dickwads are trying to scam people out of money...... "oh but Mara how do you know its a scam" Hello there hypothetical goober who I made up for the sake of argument. I know it's a scam because the only thing I get more often than those asks are mommy doms in my dms saying "hello bitch" ... I'm not happy... I'm just not, tumblr should be for funny videos of fennec foxes, cats, queer shit, sad girl hours, and saying "mommy? Sorry" to other trans girls who I think are cute... NOT FUCKING GILT TRIPS

:(

I am a transgender woman, if you call me a sissy you're getting blocked

Stop asking where I'm from! I've heard that a hundred times and I'm tired of it!

I swear to Satan herself if one more guy is creepy in my DMs then I'm gonna start blocking all of them

Blank blogs I do not trust and will be presumed bots/scammers until proven otherwise, likes, reblogs, and a PFP take almost no time

My non-horny intests include

Computers

TTRPGs

Video games

Fixing stuff

I love talking to people and love attention even more so feel free to DM me*

*Dni list

Racists

Homophobic people

Transphobic people

TERFs

Anyone who calls me "sissy" or "tranny" or "shemale" because those are all derogatory terms and if you use them you're either an asshole or uneducated and I don't wanna take the time to figure out which

Favorite video games

(Last updated 5/13)

Titanfall 2

Team Fortress 2

Deep Rock Galactic

Beat saber

Project wingman

Cyberpunk 2077

Armored Core 6

Lethal Company

Pizza Tower

I love spreading little pockets of happiness around here sending messages saying "Heya you're loved and valid" to people on here

I frequently talk about Charlie, she's my PC, I built her with my own hands and seeing her damaged or malfunctioning hurts my soul

Ask me for money and you're being blocked instantly

Horny below the line

Dirty ask list

When giving an ask please give the question number and question, thx

I LOVE TO RP, PLEASE ASK ME ABOUT IT!

[httpserb]

okay so while i work on chapter 2 (I'm so sorry its late I'm a highschool senior with 4 ap classes, 2 gifted classes, and insomnia. I'm trying my best i swear) I'm going to give out some content and stuff like things to expect in the fic

this is friendships/relationships that will kage will experience with small explanations :D (these are out of order)

lev & kage - ok so I plan on having miwa and alisa get together so i find it funny if they were awkward but lev immediately attaches to kage and they're like brothers

akaashi & kage & kenma - ok so they're all introverted and i know kenma and akaashi are cool but like i can see akaashi realize kage is mean or angry just really awkward and weird at times so he recommends him to join his and kenma's game nights and one Minecraft world later they're all attached at the hip

atsumu & osamu & kage - originally i think atsu and kage have a rivalry and mutual respect for each other until atsu realizes samu and kage are good friends (bc kage is always eating samu's curry rice balls, he has become samu unofficial food tester lol) and atsu is obvi trying to be the better twin so they end up getting closer at setters like a more equal standing unlike oikawa & kage or suag & kage who were mentors (in a way looking at you sideways oikawa bc your teaching methods were ... interesting [don't misintterupt this i love oikawa])

ushijima & kage - ok so they're both autistic, you'd have to rip that headcannon out my dead cold hands, and i can see ushijima watching kage and realizing 'oh he is like me' and they just connect like bluetooth

kyotani & kage - i actually love them bc they're both similar to me (i also find oikawa and kyotani's relationship interesting as he is in personality and raw talent and skill similar to kage and ik oikawa felt threatened cb kage was a setter but him moving along with you after the kitagawa incident is very interesting tbh) anyways i imagine they'd accidently connect like at the same gym and bond by shitting on oikawa (i imagine he'd want to hit some of kage's kingly tosses too)

yachi & kage - wlw & mlm solidarity, i love them sm, yachi realizing after seeing kage awkwardly attempt to pet a cat that he is really cute but in a sibling or little kid way so she can no longer find him scary but gets protective and explains social situations for him when he doesn't understand

coach ukai & kage - i imagine while coach takeda was hinata's coach, coach ukai was kage's bc he was blunt in a way kage understood and no extra words for needed, plus i like to think they were both very honest which each other so if ukai said kage was messing up he'd be upset but believe him and take a break

kage & tsuki - so i stand by the fact kage is smart but in odd strangely specific ways like physics but not general science and math and tsuki finds out and loses his shit bc kage is lowkey better than him but doesn't do anything with this, this kinda begins their actual friendship tho bc kage gets to talk about physics (esp astrophysic his favorite bc his dad's job [a personal headcannon])

kogane & kage - kogane worshipping the ground kage walks on bc he is such a good setter and kage trying to help teach kogane but he isn't good with words but despite this kogane understands him somehow!?

kuroo & kage - i think kuroo would recognize kage as someone similar to kenma but not only that but as hinata's best friend and as kenma's best friend who is friends with hinata he'd do some mental math to become kage's friend. plus i think he'd (like tsuki) recognize kage is dumb, but smart in different ways and try to draw it out of him (he also finds it funny to adopt/befriend all the karasuno first years [he has plans for yachi & yama])

tendou & kage - took one look and thought him and ushijima are of the same breed so he could befriend him (probably) but other than that i think tendou being seen as scary or freakish, even being referred to as a monster could relate to kage and his king od the court incident so maybe they'd bond through that

ok that is all i can think of rn and if a friendship isn't on here it's because it probably something I'm already going to do. this list was mostly headcannon or me taking a small relationship, blowing it up, then putting it under a microscope for personal enjoyment

(here is some food: @youwerethedefeated @infinitemilk @ushouldwatchhaikyuu @kagehiner @cosmorom @greynoceur @pixiesnooze @kagehiner )

[teddy06writes]

Tired...

Alfie Solomons x gn!autistic!reader

Trigger Warnings: Swearing, me struggling to describe my headspace accurately

Summary: You're not having a great day. Alfie does his best to remedy this.

{This is so incredibly self indulgent its not even funny}

{Also send alfie requests?}

"Treacle I'm home! Where are you love?"

It took two tries before your mouth caught up to your mind and you were able to call out, "'m in the den."

You could hear his footsteps drawing closer, with Cyril's plodding alongside him. Alfie took one look at you, lying out on the floor in front of the sofa, and knew that something wasn't right.

"What's going on my dove?"

"I-" Your voice faltered, and you craned your neck to look up at him, desperately searching for some answer you could give him without saying 'everything'.

"That's alright, you just take your time, eh lovey?"

Cyril padded over to you, sniffing at your outstretched hand for a moment before settling down beside you. You ran a hand over his fur letting out a saddened sigh.

Alfie moved over to the sofa, plopping down with a grunt, "'scuse me, for not joining you, treacle. 'S just with me sciatica I might not be able to get back up again."

With your free hand, you reached up, grabbing for his hand. He gave it to you easily, running the rough pad of his thumb over your knuckles.

You stayed there for a few long minutes, staring up at the nothingness of the ceiling and trying to arrange your thoughts into something coherent enough to share with your husband.

Eventually, you clambered up onto the couch, tucking yourself under Alfie's arm. He squeezed you tightly against his side, pressing his lips to your hair for a long moment, waiting patiently.

"I just- I feel so slow today... like I have to build up every thought letter by letter. And I couldn't get any of my work done cause I'm so tired.... and and my brain doesn't work right cause I know it's all my head but I can't get it to go away-"

"Now hang on one second, petal," Alfie said, interrupting your rambling, "Your brain is not wrong."

"But it doesn't work right!"

Alfie shook his head vehemently, "No, no, no, it just works different- and that ain't your fault treacle, eh? It's just them fucking worms fault, yeah?"

You let out a huff, thinking back on the conversation you'd had with Alfie so long ago now, where you explained that sometimes it felt like there was something else in your head, poking around and making you think differently. He'd taken the metaphor and ran with it.

"I'm just tired of it- of all of it," You let out a sigh, trying to worm your way further into his side, "'s like the only thoughts I don't have to work for are the ones that are making me feel worse..."

"Listen to me, petal," Alfie said, threading his fingers with yours, and squeezing your hand to invite you to do the same, "All them lies those bloody worms are tellin' you, just ain't true. Right? So listen up you in there, you fuckin hitch hikers, you stop tellin' my boy your fuckin lies or I'll- I dunno, evict your sorry asses. yeah?"

You let out a huff of a chuckle, "Alf..."

You could practically feel him beaming into your hair, proud of himself, "Right, i think they got the message, don't you love?"

"Loud and clear." You nuzzled into him once more, giving his hand three rapid squeezes.

Alfie pressed his lips to your hair one more time, "I love you too, treacle."

[ineffectualdemon]

The levels you get judged as autistic are weird

Because they are based on how well you communicate with neurotypicals (as I understand it, please correct me if I'm wrong) and don't actually cover the autistic persons level of need

Like I got level 1 because I am fairly articulate on a good day and as my husband puts it "you can seem human for roughly the first 15 minutes" (note he is allowed to say this, i find this humor funny and he's also on the spectrum)

I am educated, fairly well spoken, and can fake social niceties if I don't talk or if it's over text. This does not make me better able to take care of myself nor does it make me better than any autistic person who cant do that. I can talk good sometimes. Its just a fact not a judgement on my worth or anyone else's

But it sure is treated that way

I am not able to live independently. I can't handle if I'm asked to change the side of the road from my usual routine much less anything more disruptive. I can't manage my own finances. I have loud meltdowns in public. I visibly stim. Once my timer of being able to human breaks I will invariably say something wildly inappropriate and not understand why it's inappropriate. I can't arrange things for myself because I get flustered and confused. I need support on a daily basis

I cannot take care of myself even if you remove my chronic pain and fatigue.

Sure I could run an errand or go some place by myself before when I was still mobile but there was an over 50% chance of me having a meltdown on the way or once I'm there and needing help

And sure in the past I could go to new places alone ..if my husband took me the day before and walked the route with me and helped me write down very specific instructions and directions and be on the other end of the phone when i break down

Sure was once able to go to new places and events and then immediately get overwhelmed and lose my words and have a meltdown or dissociate in order to cope

And the after affects would mean I'm stressed out and physically ill for days after

Like I'm not saying I need anything like the support of high support needs autistic people

I am able to communicate my thoughts accurately through text most of the time

(not so much out loud. There I vary wildly between considered articulate and screaming with anger because I can't get the words! I know they are there but I can't access them and it makes me angry and no one else understands what's going on or why I'm suddenly angry)

I am aware that is a massive privilege and skill in my possession that allows me to advocate myself in way that is impossible for non verbal members of the communicate

You can advocate for yourself

But not same as me

And that's in my favour and I am sorry

So I try to advocate for you when I can

To have your back

Being non verbal, having intellectual disabilities, any number of factors could mean someone needs more support than me

And I am not saying we are exactly the same

But the fact that I am highly dependent on my husband to survive is just written off as not important because "I speak well"

And that's just a really weird way to weigh it in my opinion

Like yeah I don't seem to them like I should need to be dependent on others to survive but I fucking well am

Idk

The system just seems fucked to me

[whiskydisky]

alright buddy you asked for those headcanons....

a lot of them are for rachel for some reason, or just me projecting, or really out of character, I thought of them in the shower, blah blah blah you don't wanna hear me yap.

some of them are also just "____ reminds me of _____", and they shift past and present tense cause I'm STUPIDD so sorry

ANYWAY

Andre

Andre doesn't really have a definite music taste, he just listens to whatever Cal likes and whatever's on the radio (OR SO HE SAYS)

He was pretty much a straight A student, he probably would've even gotten a scholarship.

His family has had Mel since she was a kitten.

His favorite arcade games are those hunting simulators with the guns.

REPRESSED HOMOSEXUAL (obviously), but he probably would've never figured it out anyways.

If he was alive today he would've been one of those shitty misogynistic fortnite players that watch andrew tate and you can't change my mind.

His bed is the best thing you will ever lay on, it's so ridiculously comfortable.

out of character, but it's funny, so who cares. andre secretly LOVES pop music, but he never really gets a chance to listen to it.

cannot draw anything to save his life.

HATES musicals. absolutely despises them.

still sleeps with this one stuffed animal he's had since he was a kid. its a lamb.

THE HEAVIEST SLEEPER YOU WILL EVER MEET. it is almost impossible to wake him up unless he does it on his own.

he's red to me.

autistic. how many more characters will I project onto? only god knows.

necklace guy.

one of those white guys that punch holes in walls when they get mad.

pops his fingers a lot.

paranoid about balding. (AND FOR GOOD REASON.)

Cal

knew absolutely nothing about guns before andre started talking to him about them.

him and rachel were childhood friends.

had a MASSIVE cd collection. just shelves and shelves of cds in his room that him and andre would listen to when they hung out.

doesn't really like going out.

sonic fan. im not explaining he just seems like one.

his entire wardrobe is just black band shirts and jeans because black shirts "go with anything" (he isn't wrong).

bracelet guy.

a little spoiled, ends up spending money like an idiot because of it. (example, his massive cd collection)

the way he was bullied was either physically or those kinds of "my friend has a crush on you" type deals

huge music geek, and gets angry when andre doesn't keep up with all of the stuff he tells him about bands.

REPRESSED BISEXUAL. he probably would've figured it out.

middle school was the absolute worst for him.

says the absolute meanest shit about people and then says "but who am I to judge?" and thinks that covers it

absolutely loved chuck e cheese animatronics as a kid.

he's blue to me.

draws on himself a lot, just draws in general, it's a way for him to fidget.

definitely neurodivergent.

chews off the paint on his nails, and his nails.

Rachel

hums a lot.

not exactly a "popular kid" but people do hang out with her.

air hockey god, nobody can challenge her, they will lose.

earing girl.

people sometimes look at her weird for hanging out with cal, but she defends him.

had a little crush on cal, but nothing would've really come out of it anyway.

her house is super nice, like those grandma homes with the glass figures and useless decor with lace everywhere and uncomfortable couches to sit on. I'll send a picture if u don't know what I mean.

really nice to hang out with.

fidgets with her hoodie strings a lot.

one of those people that can adjust their personality depending on who they're hanging out with.

doesn't like andre because of his reputation and how cal acts around him (like how he actually is), but she doesn't actively bully or talk about him. she isn't that kind of person.

absolutely loved prom but the ride home was so incredibly awkward that it almost ruined the night for her.

has naturally curly hair, but doesn't really treat it right so it's pretty frizzy.

HATES it when car windows are down, her hair gets in her face a bunch.

also doesn't like putting her hair up unless it's really hot out.

paints cals nails. she knows he's a little 💅💅💅 but doesn't say anything.

really liked cal.

i do think she moved on, but it definitely took her a long time.

I'm very sick and tired of the "lesbian best friend" trope in caldre fics, she just doesn't seem like it to me.

falls asleep unnaturally quick.

absolutely loves going out, especially to malls or the park where she can walk and talk with people.

really good in school.

freshman year was horrible for her.

really likes reading and writing, she has a journal that she keeps to herself, it's one of those that have keys to them and stuff.

absolutely obsessed with unicorns as a kid. wanted them to be real so badly.

worried about how she'd look on her college application.

hung out with cal AND andre one time. did NOT like it and absolutely still talks to cal about how bad it was.

AND THAT'S IT... SO... YEAH!

THABK YOU SO MUCH FOR FUELING MY BRAIN AHHH I LOVE THESE SO MUCH!!!!!!

[astralfandoms]

i wanna hear your thoughts!!! i wanna hear about chip and the override. <- i also have the override as like. a whole thing in my au and i think it would be funny if they started acting like they're gonna fight and then just. fell asleep in 2 recliners like middle-aged-dads lol

ALSO THE HOSE TAIL IS SO GOOD AND I LOVE HOW IN THE ONE WITH COSMO HIS FACE IS DESIGNED. HE'S THE MOON AND THERE'S A CRESCENT ON HIS FACE ABSOLUTE PEAK!!!!

You have unleashed the autism /hj

Okay so I have the headcanon that Chip grew up in a rich family who liked having a smart autistic child but hated the other symptoms (ex. getting overstimulated, having emotional dsyregulation) so would punish any sign of autistic symptoms.

Which is how Override (at the time, a nameless alter) formed: as a protector/prosecutor to keep Chip from experiencing/remembering violence whenever the situation called for it.

It was extremely active until Chip moved out of the house in college, where it went dormant...

Until Craig, who didn't know that there were multiple users, installed the Override into it, giving it its name.

So Override became active again, but this time Chip could semi-remember the switches but wasn't aware that this was a pre-existing issue resurfacing.

Eventually, Chip ends up being forced to go on vacation (mostly because even by C.O.G standards he was getting too banged up) and during that time period, Override is able to calm down and ends up figuring out how to be a protector/prosecutor in a bit of a healthier way (also made its existence known to Chip).

The two are still adapting to being a newly discovered system but they have some help from friends.

(fun fact i actually have a fic on Ao3 that while not focusing more on chip/override's backstory it does talk about override's existence and how they act vs how chip acts)

(said fic also features a rare pair and if you know you know /silly)

Also everyone loves the fire hose tail and honestly I'm glad!!! The reason why I added it to his design was that I wanted to add to the firefighter aesthetic and I'm glad it turned out good!!

Also this bit from his cogs.ink profile never left my brain

ALSO THANK YOU FOR NOTICING THAT ABOUT COSMO'S DESIGN!!! I decided to go more for a general celestial theming because I thought it would look more inch-resting!!

Also I made it so that he has blues on him to show that he's not entirely happy with being brought into C.O.G.S :3

Sorry if that got a bit darker than expected but thank you for asking!!!

If you wanna know more about specific characters or specific headcanons, feel free to ask!!!

< has to be told that they're allowed to share headcanons in order to share them

[mazyb0i]

Someone on Reddit tried to say that Rick only truly loves Beth, and to prove them wrong, so here I am!

tldr:

Character analysis of Rick Sanchez from an autistic fans point of view, understanding his attachment styles.

He'll do anything for BP, if season 6 proves anything, it's that he'll die for BP. He literally admitted to loving him, which I have not heard him tell or say about anyone before in the show. When

he does say stuff like that it is significant. Bird person is the only character on the show he has been openly genuine with.

If season 7 proves anything, Pers is the only one that can sneak up behind him and grab him out of nowhere without getting some snarky comment, mean look, or a left hook. They both care about each other deeply, that is clear. Rick was extremely

upset by the wedding with Tammy. Rick told the bird person how much he respected him more than anyone, even when he contradicted himself by saying nothing matters, he wanted to be with Percy. He wanted to travel with him and spent every moment with him.

--

"Then why did you help me?"

"I respect you, and I wanted you to know that you could respect me too."

" But if nothing matters...?"

"You matter! You matter to me."

"Uhhh- Rick... the relationship we have-"

"I never used that word!" - Rick (denialism)

--

It's funny how after this he calls him a judgmental dork, and not something much harsher.

--

"Why the fuck are you risking your life for that asshole!?" - Memory rick

"Because, you love him."

"You do maybe, but I don't."

"Yeah, yeah, you're real cool. Now, come help me save his life or fuck off, because I don't need you.

(Very much so loves BP.)

--

--

"I'm sorry Rick, but we cannot choose the ones we love" - Pers

"You got that right! Why do you think I'm still fucking down here!?"

--

Birdperson mentions that he would be dead if it wasn't for Rick, this also accounts for multiple times now since he brought BP back to life recently. Rick has stuck his neck out for the man so many times contradicting his "nothing matters" front, because that's what it is, it is a horrible coping mechanism to ignore your problems and pretend they don't exist because 'nothing matters'.

Its a problem that I have and I'm working through in therapy myself, it's called Denialism. Because 'if you shut yourself out from the world and your problems, then nothing can hurt you, and they don't exist'. You convince yourself you're in control when you're not, you have the least control, and it fucks you up. Rick isn't truly and fully nihilistic, or else literally nothing would matter to him. He makes sure to keep his Morty alive, he constantly brags on about how he can just get a new family, but he has the same Morty that he's had since the beginning and sticks his neck out for him as well.

--

"No, Morty. Because you were too afraid to tell me. What we had was abusive, don't you see? I'm a bad partner, because I never made you a true partner."

--

--

"I was afraid if I jumped in a hole you would just stand there and watch me, you wouldn't even jump in after me!" -Morty

But then Rick in season 1 literally jumped in after Morty when he fell through the garage floor into the Schrodinger's cat void.

"Be good, Morty, be better than me."

--

--

And when Rick starts crying at his memories of Morty in season One, but he refrains from expressing it so that Morty does not become, as he puts it, "cocky" (denialism)

I would also like to point out I feel like in the later seasons he starts calling Morty 'buddy' more?? he's a lot nicer to him than he used to be, and just recently allowed Morty to hug him without pushing him away, actually hugging back. He's also stated that he respects summer very deeply, which if he says that about someone, it really means that he does. He sees his Diane in Summer, and he also implies that summer is like a cat, her affection and respect needs to be earned; unlike Morty's dog like affection that is just given away. But we also hear Rick say that Morty reminds him a lot of himself when he was younger, this implies a lot of parallels.

Memory Rick brought out a lot of Rick that we didn't see previously, a person who wasn't fully tainted by the lack of treating mental Health issues, coping issues, unhealthy attachments, and all the other things that led up to Rick being the way he is. he said his heart broken so many times, he's been backstabbed, he is very hurt person. This doesn't excuse all of his actions but is a very good explanation and reason for why he is the way he is and the way the human psyche copes with it's environment to protect itself. it's like walking up to a caged animal with a taser, these are his defense mechanisms, it makes him look like a dick on the outside but currently it is the only thing that he knows how to do on instinct for protection, and that's why he's in therapy. This is why I believe he's genuinely trying to get better, he can get along with his therapist more than ever, even if he has sly remarks he genuinely listens to Mrs. Wong.

--

"I don't like being told where to go or what to do. I consider it a violation."

--

"There's a lesson here, and I won't be the one to figure it out"

--

"I don't discuss problems, I incinerate them"

--

"It was charmingly analog. For a sec, you kind of made me like myself." - Mem Rick

"You'll grow out of it." - Rick

He resents his younger self for helping him and makes sure to mention that he "grew out" of his ability to like himself, Rick has some extreme self-hatred. it's hard to fully love someone or Express a healthy relationship when you can't even have a healthy relationship with yourself.

--

"You act like you're the one that got stabbed in the back!" -Morty

"Because I AM THE ONE, Morty. You wanna know why I replaced myself in the beginning of that stupid knights of the morning sun thing!? I SAID don't take the fucking sword! And you were like "Whatever", like I'm our neighbor Jean or David Arquette or something!! You called me boring! I've become dog shit to you! That's what happens when you let people in and they stop respecting you! They touch your shit, they screw things up, they KILL your fuckin family! Go ahead and trust them, you're gonna learn the same fuckin thing." -Rick

--

[s4turnzbarzzz]

hey, i'm back!! sorry if this is annoying, but i REALLY loved your headcanons for donnie from my last request and I was wondering if you could write even more! i think i’ve always liked donnie growing up, i think i really just need someone who can balance out my energy lmao. you don’t have to if you don't want to, i just really loved your headcanons 🫶

updated request if you want to write more:

she loves fighting, loves working out, loud asf, short-tempered, blunt, sarcastic, cursed with resting bitch face, all that jazz. but, once you get to know her, she’s actually really funny and sweet. NEVER afraid to speak her mind, so she may come across as rude or sassy at times, but she never really means to be. DEFINITELY has ADHD and is on the autism spectrum. ❤️

im so happy you enjoyed my last tmnt mm post!!!! donnie is my absolute fave so im really excited i got to do another rq about him (i love donnie sm tbh,, its unhealthy atp)

Donnie (mutant mayhem) x hyper fem! reader

tw: none

youre both autistic so it evens everything out

hes done alot of research on how he can help you release all your energy while also maintaining his personal boundaries

when youre especially loud he communicates that and if its something you cant control hell put on his headphones and text you so you know hes not ignoring you but also keeping himself from getting overstimulated

he has a little bit of a resting bitch face too so he gets that even if you look upset youre not most of the time

hes usually pretty chill and is blessed with patience when it comes to you so its harder for him to make you lose your temper, even if its short

he will train with you (he just wants you to be able to get the fight out of your system for the day usually, especially if it helps you keep your temper in check)

he also works out with you alot so youre both pretty compatible when you train as well

he loves that youre blunt because it makes it easier for him to understand what you mean when youre talking to him

he struggles a bit with sarcasm at times but hes pretty good about it because he has three brothers

even though you seem mean, he knows that youre actually super soft and sweet inside and loves to death because of it

also a little extra because youre so sweet when sending in requests

he uses tone tags while texting and sometimes says them out loud because he uses them so much

you: "hey donnie i miss you"

him: "nuh uh joking"

you: "did you just use a tone tag while talking to me in person"

him:

he loves to listen to midwest emo music unironically, specifically the band the front bottoms

i headcanon that he smells like a mix of vanilla and sage with a hint of lavender

hes not a huge fan of physical contact but he doesnt mind it when its coming from you

it takes alot to get him overstimulated because he grew up with three brothers so hes more accustomed to chaotic environments

[desb3ar]

ok this was originally gonna be an anon post but i decided to STOP BEING A PUSSY!!!!

your art of miggle is sooo osooooo osooooo sososoo coool..... i love the way you draw him so big but he also just looks sosososo soft and gentle!!!!! i saw the horror art and thats what really made me want to write this because ur ability to absolutely make him turn a 180 is awesome........ i remember seeing that art of him as a weighted blanket and tbh it really spoke to me because i'm autistic and ykw i want a big muscley bf (miguel) to lay on me and be my weighted blanket!!!!!!!!

and your nonviolent communication fanart is sooo good.... granted spoilers for me cus i haven't finished it yet (school unfortunately) but greensagephase must be elated everytime they see u post because i think you're bestowing a writer's greatest honor to have their fic have fanart!

AAAAAAND NOT TO MENTION U ARE A WRITER URSELF AND THATS AWESOME TOO i read all of your works and tehy'resoooo!!!! they're soooo!!!!!! YOU'RE KILLING ME HERE MAN it rlly adds depth to mig even if it's soso simple and domestic your talent really shines in both areas!!!!!!!

so... haha..... we are both artists and writers (x reader writers to be specific.... and we both like The Specimen.... whadya say... buddy..... mutuals???? 😊 (THISISSOLONG IM SORRY YOU CAN DELCINE IF YOU WNANA)

OMGOMGOMFOMG OFC WE CAN BE MUTUALS <333

im still so stunned i am even capable of turning miguel into this lovable guy. i dont even mean to 😭 i honestly thought i was doing the complete opposite because i wasnt meaning for him to be made out that way, which is funny and somewhat cute. many always say that and im always beside myself when it’s mentioned . him being some sort of weighted blanket, that drawing? one of my favorites ngl. i just might draw some more soft miguel, have them all in one post to relief dashboards of my spam LMFAO

i could go on and on about nonviolent communication. #1 fic of all time. I spent more time than id like to admit reading it, its that good. thats why i draw the things i do, its such an enjoyable read 😭 i gotta draw more of it instead of waiting on the next chapter because theres so many amazing moments i read that i really wanna put on the canvas. green deserves so much fanart for how well-constructed their story is and for the amazingly done writing that makes miguel come to life even more. it’s astounding, green is really the reason i was writing to start with ❤️☺️

on the subject of writing, ive GOT to write more, just need some ideas that isnt too far from how he is in canon (i love him for what ive seen, not because of the fantasies ive hd lmfao). writing takes so much thought and i commend those who take their time to make amazing pieces, i can barely crack 2k words without thinking this is a masterpiece when the talented can make 4k words and its only the mf START. ITS NUTS. but im not here to compare, just paying so much gratitude for authors on tumblr haa im rambling UGH

THANK YOU SM FOR THE KIND WORDS!! and dont worry, i dont get a lot of long messages in my inbox, its rare, so this means a lot more than you think <333

and amazing on having balls, respect <3

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

Can you do Gary x a neurodivergent reader that he keeps trying to indoctrinate, only for them to want to be friends?

The whole "I'm a normal human, just like you" wouldn't work on me personally. I would assume he was autistic or had some form of ptsd and some very interesting interests because of it. Either way, picturing him trying to get a reader to join his cult, only for them to assume he's neurodivergent too and try to be friends with him is just extremely funny to me.

Bonus points if the reader's special interest just so happens to be demons

This is brilliant tbh,,,,just ND to ND communication hshhfhaw

.......

The Eternal Order of the Second Death (EOSD) was keeping tabs on you for a while, noting your frequent visits to the local library.

A thrall masquerading as a staff member had access to your account's checkout history and saw that you only take out books on the occult/demonology/etc.

It's a fixation you usually keep to yourself, not saying much and silently thanking them for not giving you any strange looks (although you never notice their unnerving smile as they wish you a good day).

It's not long before they let Gary know about you, mentioning your fascination with the demon Malphas and the Unspeakable.

He planned to indoctrinate you and show you all the things you could learn and experience within the Order.

Even if you don't become a vessel for the Unspeakable, he believes you'd make a good acolyte in no time.

So he invites you to a "bookclub meeting", where you're taken to a hidden chamber beneath one of the study rooms.

It has its own library with a plethora of forbidden books on demon summoning, instructions for certain rituals, and more (plus a demon who prevents them from being stolen).

Minus the stench of death and the demonic blood sigils on the walls, you're very much intrigued.

Then Gary appears before you and offers you a chance to join them, explaining how long they've been keeping an eye on you.

When he puts down his hood, you could see his flesh is scarred and glasses hiding his eyes, as well as the red eye painted on his forehead.

"...I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name. Who are you, again?"

"I'm Gary, a normal human being just like you." He smiles in a way that's not-at-all human.

It only takes a second for you to connect the dots.

And not in the "oh he's a demon pretending to be human" way, but instead the "oh he's neurodivergent pretending to be Normal™" kind of way.

It just made sense. Why else would he insist on being a "normal human being"?

He was just like you fr

Again, he offers you a position in the lower ranks, believing you had potential to work your way up to a "greater purpose".

But you only express interest in being friends with him, never really getting the hint that the EOSD didn't rally "friends", but willing sacrifices and worshippers ready to throw their entire lives away for him and his cause.

Gary is fully aware of how you perceive him, but he goes along with it, finding you intriguing.

You're allowed to visit the hidden bookclub, where you might find him a few times, always ready to make his offer.

But you often distract him with long chats and infodumps of demons you've read about.

Even all the things you knew about Astaroth surprised him, and it's quite flattering.

They can go on for a while, and sometimes when he's called to attend to other matters, he abruptly leaves..but it never bothers you.

You get it. Conversations must be exhausting for him and drain his social battery. You'll note to keep them brief next time.

As far as joining the cult goes, you're not a big fan of large groups....so you always say you need "time" to consider.

Regardless, he's not gonna stop trying to convince you. But he wants you to stay interested in the demons, firmly believing you'd be a reliable asset.