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mbti-notes · 2 days ago

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Anon wrote: Hello mbti-notes. How are you doing? I'm an INFJ, 26 yrs old. Thank you for your blog I find it extremely helpful <3

I grew up in an extremely strict, religious household and family. My Mom and I got into an argument about religion. I have a keen interest and curiosity of other religions. So I was learning about other religions to my Mom's disapproval.

Whenever we have an argument my Mom will insult me and provoke me until I give an reaction like anger. Which I unfortunately eventually do. My Mom will purposely fully provoke me after I've apologized then she'll say that I'm not really sorry and I'm disrespectful. Our relationship is only good because I don't speak up if there's something bothering me.

When I did in the past it just turned into an argument. And whenever we argue my Mom would just give me the silent treatment (currently my Mom hasn't spoken to me for almost 2 months) until I apologize or will talk to me after a long while and act as if nothing happened and not resolve the issue. Which is why the same things keeps coming back and bothering me. This was done since I was child. I would be crying and begging my Mom to talk to me and I'd tell her she can do everything else and be angry at me but to please talk to me. Which she didn't ofc.

Since I was in my 20s I just stopped begging for forgiveness. Unless I'm wrong I'd apologize. I don't know what to do in this situation. I know my Mom is not going to change. But I also can't continue to ignore things for the sake of the relationship. I try to change my response to the situation but it doesn't seem to help. It feels one sided.

My parents treat me unfairly compared to my brothers and even younger sister. I've tried to communicate this on multiple occasions to my parents especially my Mom. But she never acknowledges it. For example, my brothers and younger sister can travel abroad, go out at night and come back in the early hours of the morning, their books or shows aren't supervised. But my parents supervise the things I watch and read. Ex. They'll tell me that certain TV shows aren't for children (meaning me) but they won't do this to my brothers or younger sister. And that I'm even lucky to go outside because my Dad didn't want me to go outside. I'm the eldest child btw.

As an adult I want autonomy and independence. And every time I try to go for it my parents disapproving, angry with me and give me the silent treatment. I haven't even brought a boyfriend home or anything. The last time I tried to get my parents to meet my guy friend my Dad got very angry.

My parents would also accuse me of things I've never did which has led me to be anxious in certain situations. Ex. My friend wanted me to meet her boyfriend he was on his way and so was my dad and I got anxious because I knew that my dad would believe that I was secretly meeting a guy. Because they always think the worst of me and I haven't given them reason to.

I've thought about apologizing to my Mom so things can be peaceful. And I've also thought about distancing myself from my Mom because I'm just going to disappoint them again. Especially because I intend to get piercings which they disapprove of. I've realized I haven't been doing things I want to because I'm afraid of my parents getting angry and disapproving.

And then I've discovered doing what I want regardless of my parents being angry at me. At the end of the day im the one responsible for my life and how I've lived. I also acknowledge that my parents are like this because of their own parents and upbringing.

My parents can advise me but it feels more like they control my decisions. I want to be an independent, self sufficient adult. I yearn for freedom. But at the same time I try to avoid angering my parents as it upsets the peace in the household. I'm also tired and worn out from our arguments over the years. It's like I've been put in a cage for so long even though I can open the cage door I've gotten used to being inside the cage. Sorry this was all over the place. Any advice?

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In case it needs to be said, the punishments your parents use to control your behavior qualify as emotional abuse. Childhood victims of long-term psychological abuse tend to exhibit impairments in psychological development because they are actively obstructed from maturing and transitioning into healthy adulthood. In other words, it's hard to grow up into an independent person when you haven't been allowed to.

At the age of 26, you are physically a full-fledged adult yet you still struggle mentally with issues of adolescence. Since you still think like a teen, you conceptualize "independence" in oversimplified terms like defiance or rebellion. If you truly want to be independent, then you must have a deeper understanding of what it actually entails, of what changes it requires in your thinking and behavior. For example:

(1) Independence requires you to stand up for your own well-being, especially when others work against your well-being. YOU must create a safe space for yourself somewhere to explore, learn, and grow. As an adult, you are entitled to your own space and to live your own life, on your own terms. Whether you make good or bad decisions is no one else's business but yours, assuming you're not out to hurt anyone. The mistakes are yours to make and the repercussions are yours to shoulder.

In short, you must own all of yourself and everything you do in order to establish true independence. Are you really prepared to take that step? I often hear people say that they want independence but their behavior screams otherwise. Their behavior indicates that they can't handle the freedom to decide or the responsibility of facing up to consequences. Their behavior indicates that they want the safety of depending on someone else to: pick up the slack, clean up the mess, pay the piper, or provide a scapegoat whenever things go wrong. In other words, they prefer the cage.

Do you still live at home? Do you still depend on your parents for financial or other forms of support? It's difficult to exert your independence when you remain dependent on people.

(2) Independence means forging your own unique identity, rather than merely taking on whatever identity was thrust upon you. For example, most people believe in a religion simply because they were born into it. As an adult, you have a right to choose, so are you going to exercise that freedom? You ought to choose religious belief for the ways in which it will help with your overall well-being.

If you hope for religion to play a positive and meaningful role in your life, you cannot allow it to be used for ill purposes. I am not a religious person myself, though I have spent a lot of time studying religious philosophy. I have no beef with religion and even believe that it has an important role to play in human fulfillment. However, when religion isn't used as intended but rather used as a tool of abuse, then that should certainly give you pause and make you seriously reconsider your beliefs and values.

(3) Independence requires you to accept moral responsibility, through learning how to skillfully differentiate right from wrong. Is it morally right to punish people for accidents of birth, such as being born female or of a lower class? Is it morally right for one person to own another like property, in the way your parents treat you like their property?

One way that religion gets misused is as a tool of control or coercion. Oftentimes, people are taught to submit to a human-made hierarchy that codifies harmful beliefs about some people being worth more than others. This conveniently allows those at the top of the hierarchy to shamelessly exploit those at the bottom. Although religion is commonly used to justify inequality, is it morally right?

If you don't believe this is morally right, then you should not participate in such a system, that is, if you want to sleep peacefully at night. Being a member of a religion doesn't mean you must submit to everything it prescribes. Actually, if you were to do that, you might often find yourself stuck in confusing contradictions, because every religious belief system is guilty of internal inconsistencies.

(4) If independence requires you to skillfully differentiate right from wrong, then you are also required to improve your intellectual capabilities so that you know how to analyze, evaluate, and resolve problems on your own.

Earlier I mentioned that abused children exhibit impairments in psychological development. One aspect of this impairment takes the form of stunted intellectual growth. Abusive parents maintain control over children by preventing them from developing good critical thinking skills. Without good critical thinking, you aren't able to think for yourself, which means you must remain dependent on others to think for you. Abusive parents want you to rely on them to tell you what is true/false and right/wrong.

One common sign of poor critical thinking is oversimplification of the complex. This often manifests as cognitive distortions that make it difficult to reason well and make good decisions. A common cognitive distortion is either/or thinking. For example, you may believe that the issue of "independence" boils down to either obey or rebel. But are those really the only two options?

Independence isn't a simple matter of "obey vs rebel" but about taking on the responsibility of unraveling complexity, in hopes of discovering the best path forward. You are grappling with a moral dilemma, which means there is no perfect solution available. No matter what you choose, someone is going to "lose" something.

Discovering the best path forward requires you to:

make a list of the most relevant and pressing needs/issues/factors

rank those needs/issues/factors in terms of importance

explore all the different possible options based on your priorities

make a decision that reduces/minimizes harm

In your case, what does everyone need (which is very different from what everyone "wants")? You need to learn how to be an adult and live life on your own terms, which means you must remove the internal and external obstacles that would interfere with that process. Your parents need to learn how to be better people and better parents, rather than projecting all their hangups and insecurities onto you, which means they have some reflecting, healing, and growing to do.

As far as I can tell, these needs do not conflict. In the bigger picture, everyone in this situation has something important to gain by you asserting your independence. However, that doesn't mean no pain will be experienced in the process. The question is whether you have built up your intellectual capabilities enough to assert your independence in a reasonable manner.

Just because you can't reason with someone, doesn't mean you have to become unreasonable yourself. If you've been conscientious and you've put a lot of thought into the best way to get your needs met, you should be able to stand by your decisions and explain your reasoning as necessary. However, whether people can accept what you say or agree with you is out of your control. It's their business and it shouldn't have much effect on your resolve.

The main point is that operating in adult mode means there is no need for tantrums, self-pity, anger, rage, hate, or spite. All you have to do is explain where you're coming from, in hopes of creating a dialogue that leads to mutual understanding. But if there is no mutual understanding to be had and the objections you get are utterly unreasonable, you should not be deterred from doing what you believe is right. But this all begins with you having enough confidence in your own intellectual abilities.

(5) Since independent people can think for themselves, they don't need to rely on others for validation, so they are not unduly influenced by the perceptions and opinions of others.

Yes, you are right that the relationship is unequal; you give everything to get their approval and then you get nothing but dominated in return. This needs to change and that begins by you learning how to live without their approval. An important aspect of independence is that you have to be able to affirm, accept, and love yourself rather than always rely on others to do it for you.

The need for approval is the chain through which abusive parents keep their children shackled. When you finally free yourself from that confinement, through deciding that there are things in life that are far more important than parental approval, you will be in a much better position to negotiate a more equitable relationship.

Thus far, you have been trained to believe that "love" means complete submission, i.e., to sacrifice yourself and even silently accept the harm others inflict upon you. However, a healthy relationship should allow ALL parties to feel supported, cared for, and loved, which means a relationship can only be healthy when all parties are willing to express love properly.

When the other party withholds love for the sake of control, THEY are in the wrong, and they ought to correct their harmful behavior. If they are unwilling to correct, they are being unethical for dismissing your needs and selfish for placing their needs above yours. At that point, they no longer deserve your investment. It is illogical to chase love from a person who doesn't love you or is incapable of love.

At 26, there is absolutely no reason or excuse for your parents to use such control tactics on you, but they do because: i) the old relationship pattern is deeply entrenched and basically repeats automatically, ii) the tactics still work because, in the end, they always get what they want from you, and/or iii) you are deriving some kind of benefit from being under their control that you're not fully admitting to. This means the abuse will not stop unless you: i) do something different to change the pattern, ii) render their tactics ineffective, and iii) relinquish the "benefits" you're reaping.

It might be true that your parents won't change no matter how much you beg or plead. In fact, the more you beg and plead, the more they feel you are under their control, which gives them zero incentive to change and every incentive to escalate abuse. Most people won't change bad habits until they have little choice but to, which means you must stop people-pleasing and be more assertive in creating the change you want to see.

If you want to have good relationships in general, you must learn how to: identify your needs, communicate about them reasonably, and make requests of people to take them seriously. If people want to have a relationship with you, they must put in their fair share of effort to make the relationship a healthy one. Until then, you must be able to draw and enforce boundaries to protect yourself from harm.

Drawing boundaries doesn't mean you stop loving people, rather, it means you're finally learning that you also deserve love. You can let people know that you will always love them, but you can't be close to them until they learn how to love you back. Whether they eventually come around is out of your hands, so all you can do is leave the door ever so slightly open for them until they do.

#infj #infj relationships #auxiliary fe #parent child relationship #independence #abuse #boundaries #assertiveness #critical thinking #religion #ask

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hyunjinbiased-blog · 3 months ago

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And Hell Followed - A Far Cry 5 x FtM Reader series Part One

Deputy Y/N Jackson is in the middle of a Holy War in Hope County Montana. Originally sent to arrest Joseph Seed he ended up becoming the leader of the Resistance, but the deputy has a secret. A secret that only Whitehorse knows. When his younger brother and sister show up one day out of the blue, Y/N finds out that his own personal hell has found him. Now with the help of the very people he was supposed to stop can he save his family and himself?

I know this summary sucks.

Anyway I hope you enjoy this slow burn series

Trigger Warnings

Mentions of past child abuse

Mentions of past child SA

Mentions of SA

Stalking

Guns

Drugs

Religion bashing (the Deputy has religious trauma)

Religious trauma

Transphobia

Homophobia

Angst

Tag list

@gamergirl-06 @capriskunk

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Hope county Montana, was in the middle of a war between the Resistance and Edens Gate and me? I was just the new junior deputy assigned with the task of arresting Joseph Seed but ended up becoming the leader of the Resistance.

As I made my way towards the jail where Whitehorse was waiting for me, my mind drifted to thoughts of my brother Elijah and my sister Ava.

Were they ok? Did they have enough money to buy food and clothes? Were they wondering why I hadn't come home?

Before I could work myself up over thinking, Whitehorse's gruff voice called out to me over the radio.

"Rookie, listen, there have been reports of all the Seed siblings being spotted near the river bank, could you find out if the reports are true and if so find out what they are up"

"Copy that Sheriff, I'll start heading there now"

••Timeskip••

I had managed to get to the river undetected and it turns out the reports were correct. In front of me stood the Seeds, John and Joseph were by the waters edge with fishing poles, Faith was sitting in a chair reading what looked to be a copy of the Book of Joseph and Jacob, well he was standing a little further away from them, almost like he was keeping watch.

I was about to sneak away back to where I had left my car to radio Whitehorse when Jacob turned his head in my direction.

For a moment it seemed as though he hadn't seen me, but who was I kidding, this was Jacob of course he had seen me. The thought of making a run for it crossed my mind but before I could will my feet to move he started to approach me and fear kept me still.

"What do you want Deputy?" He asked me once he was close enough to be heard.

" I was just taking a walk when I spotted you and your siblings, I was just gonna go, I'm not here to fight" I said half lying.

Suddenly Joseph approached us and gave me a look that was slightly unnerving.

"Is there a problem here brother?" He asked in that overly calm voice of his.

"Apparently the Deputy was taking a walk when he spotted us"

"Look I'm not here to fight I was just in the area when I saw you guys, I'm just gonna leave"

All the commotion caused John and Faith to look in our direction and for a split second I was back in the church.

"I see my child, why don't you stay for a while, if you truly were just on a walk surely you're tired" Joseph said as he guided me to where John and Faith were waiting.

"I suppose I could stay for a bit but any of you try something and I'm gone" I said as I took a seat next to Faith.

It was strange seeing them act like normal siblings, John and Joseph went back to fishing and Jacob started up a fire. Faith was lost in her own little world, the book still open on her lap but her eyes were closed.

Suddenly a mountain lion came from out if the bushes and pounced on John.

It was Peaches.

Before she could do some serious damage I whistled and she came trotting to me.

"Shit sorry about that John, Peaches here is very protective of me, she must have seen me with you guys and thought I was in danger" I said whilst stroking her head.

"That over grown house cat ripped my vest Deputy, but luckily she didn't draw blood so I guess it's fine" John sighed in frustration as he inspected his vest.

"Where did you even come from girl, I thought I left you with Sharky?" I asked the cougar, who's upper body was now pressed firmly against mine, like she was trying to shield me from danger.

"She is pretty" came Faith's siren like voice as she approached me and Peaches, who surprisingly tilted her head towards Faith's hand for a scratch.

"How did you train a cougar Deputy?" Jacob asked as he checked John out for injuries.

"I don't know, I helped Mable bring her home one day and then suddenly i was told to keep her, I also have a bear" I replied with a chuckle causing Jacob's eyes to widen slightly.

"A real Noah with wild animals then my child" Joseph said as he brought one of the fish he caught over to where the fire was still roaring.

Peaches eventually got off of my lap and stretched her front paws out in front of her, letting out a loud yawn she curled up by the fire and went sleep.

"And this is why I'm a dog person" I said causing Peaches to huff and roll closer to the flames.

••Timeskip••

The sky was getting dark and the fish were no longer biting. Peaches had wormed her way onto John's lap and he looked like he was about to shit himself whilst Faith was feeding her bits of fish.

Me and Jacob were talking about hunting and Joseph was staring out into the distance, a blank look on his face.

"Well, it's getting late I should head to the jail, Whitehorse is probably wondering where I am" I said as I got up to leave. Peaches finally got off of John's lap and came over to me when she noticed that I had gotten up.

"Well my child, this has been a wonderful afternoon, and I hope that you enjoyed yourself" Joseph said as he stuck his hand out for me to shake.

"Surprisingly, I actually had fun with you guys today, this doesn't mean I'm interested in joining the project tho" I said as I shook his hand.

"That is understandable, I do hope that we can come to some agreement in the future my child" he replied as Jacob came to stand next to him.

John and Faith also came over to say their goodbyes, Faith gave Peaches a scratch behind her ear before engulfing me in a hug which I awkwardly reciprocated.

After saying goodbye to everyone I started heading towards my car. Peaches climbed in the passenger seat and I sped off towards the jail.

••Timeskip••

Once I was safely back at the jail I went looking for Whitehorse to tell him what happened.

I eventually found him in the infirmary where he was checking on members of the Resistance that had been brought back out of the bliss.

"Hey Whitehorse can I talk to you real quick?" I asked as I made my way over to where he was standing.

"Rookie, shit kid I thought something bad had happened to you when you didn't check in" he said as he pulled me in for a hug.

"What did you want to talk about?"

"I just spent the afternoon with the Seed family, I was spotted by Jacob and well long story short I am currently questioning all of my life decisions, it was strange seeing them act like a normal family" I said as he handed me a coffee.

"You're not..." Whitehorse began to say before I cut him off"no don't worry I told them that just because I had a good time doesn't mean I'm switching sides"

"Well good, why don't you get some rest Rook and I'll make sure no one disturbs you"

Saying goodnight, I made my way over to one of the unoccupied cells and layed down for the night.

#far cry 5 x reader #ftm reader #jacob seed x reader #jospeh seed x reader #john seed x reader #trans reader #trans author

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starswhisperwritershear · 2 months ago

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Of All The Stories In The Stars, Ours Has Yet To Be Told (62761 words) by StarsWhisper Chapters: 7/? Fandom: Danny Phantom Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Relationships: Dash Baxter/Danny Fenton Characters: Danny Fenton, Dash Baxter, Sam Manson, Tucker Foley, Paulina Sanchez, Kwan (Danny Phantom), Valerie Gray, Pookie (Danny Phantom) Additional Tags: Aged-Up Character(s), on the way to college, mentions of child abuse, Mentions of homophobia, Redemption Arcs, Bisexual Danny Fenton, everyone becoming good friends, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Second Chances, lots of classical literature references, Canon-Typical Violence, Angst, Lots of Crying, Some hurt/comfort, almost everyone has shitty parents, More tags to come as I think of them, Suicidal Thoughts, This is heavily inspired by marichat, stealing lots of headcanons from tumblr, Getting Together, Getting to Know Each Other, not entirely canon compliant, I stole the pieces I like and combined them with fanon to get what I wanted, this was supposed to be a slow burn, Dialogue Heavy, some spooky shit will be snuck in here, Mutual Pining, Dissection, Bad Parents Jack and Maddie Fenton, lots of astrology references, Inspired by Orpheus and Eurydice (Ancient Greek Religion & Lore), horror aspects will be in here, but also cute fluff, Asexual Character, Mentions or pevious eating disorders Summary: It's the end of senior year and Dash and Danny are having the worst time of their lives. Dash's father finds out he's queer and tries to kill him. That lands him in prison with divorce papers. Dash goes to therapy to cope and learn how to change his behaviors while taking some time off from school. He now needs to learn how to navigate the world and figure himself out. Danny fears he'll never figure out what he wants for his future beyond being the hero of Amity Park forever and he's running out of time to figure it out as he watches everyone he knows move on without him. Plus there are always the people hunting him down that he has to worry about on top of that.

Danny lay on his bed staring up at the ceiling, feet idly kicking the air as they dangled off the side. He listened to his phone ring, anxiety settling in his stomach. He'd already tried twice that day to get a hold of Jazz with no luck. He knew she was busy, but he couldn't help the little voice telling him his parents had gotten to her first. The phone was two rings away from going to voicemail again when she picked up.

"Hey, bro! What's popping?"

Danny snorted, laughing at her choice of slang words. Ever since getting to college, she'd been trying her best to sound cool and he was beginning to suspect Mr. Lancer had given her one of his 'how to be hip' dictionaries. "The only thing that should be popping, is you popping open a real dictionary."

Jazz sighed comically. "There's that younger brother sarcasm I've missed."

Danny rolled his eyes, a faint smile on his face. "How are you, Jazz?"

"Oh, I'm fine. The summer semester is kicking my ass. I've got seven essays, two research projects, and a group presentation all due by the end of the week, but, yeah, I'm fine."

"Jesus, Jazz, do you even have time to breathe?"

"I do right now. I'm sorry for missing your other calls. Is there something going on?"

"I understand you're busy. Nothing crazy, I just, uh, have Mom and Dad talked to you at all?" Danny chewed his bottom lip so hard he tasted blood.

"No," Jazz snorted. "The last I heard from either of them was a few days ago and all Dad sent me was a cat meme on Facebook. I figured they've just been too busy with ghost hunting to check up on me." The frustration in her voice was tense like she couldn't decide if she wanted to be sad or mad. She cared about her parents, but she harbored a lot of resentment about how the two of them were raised. "Why?"

He breathed a sigh of relief. "Good, cause I wanted to be the one to tell you that I've decided to go to college."

Jazz screamed. Danny ripped the phone away from his ear, only daring to bring it back when he couldn't hear her anymore. "Danny! That's amazing! Where are you going? What program are you doing? What convinced you?"

"Well, I had a talk with Mr. Lancer-"

"I knew he'd come through for me," Jazz whispered under her breath.

"And," Danny chuckled, "he was talking about this program here at Amity Community that I kind of liked. After some thinking, and admittedly a little pushing from Dash, I-"

"Dash? Dash Baxter? Since when are you two hanging out?"

"Uh, I haven't told you about that? Never mind, not important right now. I, well, I decided to be an astronomy teacher. A professor if I can swing it."

Jazz screamed again. "That's such a good choice! It's so you! Oh my gosh, my brother, a professor!" She gasped. "We can share our theories about classroom behavior now! This is going to be so great!"

Danny felt a huge wave of relief hit him, shaking a lot of his parents' disapproval off. He sighed, "Thanks, Jazz. I'm glad you think so."

"Mom and Dad didn't take it so well, huh?" Jazz's voice lost a lot of its excitement, a hint of bitterness glazing over it.

Danny glared up at the glowing stars on his ceiling. "No, not really. They're mad at Mr. Lancer for even putting the idea in my head. But, Mom said it was a start and I'll for sure want to change my major to biochemistry by the end of the semester when I've realized what it is I've gotten myself into."

Jazz hesitated, her voice careful. "And Dad?"

Danny's heart constricted. "He's just glad they have at least one genius kid."

"I'm going to lose my shit." Jazz hissed, knocking something over. "This is why I don't come home for Christmas. Don't listen to him, Danny. He should be proud of you. If he knew of half the shit you did in his lab, he would be proud. I'm proud of you."

"I miss you, Jazz." He sat up, resting his elbows on his knees. "They were a lot kinder when you were around."

"Only cause I had to kick their asses anytime they said some bullshit about you." Her voice softened. "I miss you too. But, hey, look at how great you're doing without me."

Danny laughed. "Yeah, but how much better could I be doing with you?"

"Oh! Speaking of old inside jokes, how are your, um, extracurricular activities going? Wink."

"You don't have to say wink." Danny jokingly rolled his eyes.

"Then how will you know I'm winking?"

"You're such a dork."

"I know you are but what am I?" Jazz laughed. "But, seriously, how are things going on the spooky side?"

Danny took a deep breath, flashes of the night before entering his mind. He stood up to pace his room, hoping to shake them off. "Uh, good, good. Just the usual. The ghosts might be on vacation, there have been fewer attacks lately. So, that's nice."

"You hesitated. Danny, you know you can tell me, right? I wouldn't ask if I thought I couldn't handle it."

Danny exhaled, long and low. "Okay, they were," he swallowed, his breath shaking, "They were dissecting a ghost in the lab last night. She was in real bad shape when I found her."

Jazz gasped. "Was it someone you knew?"

Danny shook his head, briefly forgetting she couldn't see him. "No, but, God, Jazz, she, she couldn't have been older than sixteen. She wasn't even a threat and they had her- she was completely, her arms were covered in-" Danny paused to take a deep steadying breath. "It was bad. She was in a lot of pain and the house reeked like they'd been at it for hours."

Jazz's voice carefully held no emotion. "What happened? Did they say anything about it?"

"Not to me. I got her out without them noticing. When they got back to the lab and found out they argued for a minute before I interrupted them." He stubbed his toe, hissing at the contact.

"That's- I'm so sorry you had to go through that. Do you, maybe, wanna talk about how you're feeling?"

Danny sat back down, twisting the sheets in his fingers. "Not really. I kind of want to forget it ever happened."

"Okay, that's fine." Jazz took a breath, then forced a teasing tone to creep back into her voice. "Then maybe you can explain this photo of you and Dash Baxter that both Tucker and Sam sent me."

"What?" Danny sat up straight, panic settling into his veins. "What photo?"

"It seems like a movie night at Sam's. You're asleep on his shoulder and you two look pretty cozy."

"That was an accident! I didn't mean to fall asleep. Okay, but, listen, I have to tell you about Dash." He proceeded to tell her everything from the beginning, how he had stopped messing with them a few years back, how he patched Phantom up, how Danny invited him to hang out, the whole story up til yesterday.

"So, what I'm getting out of this is that a pretty jock boy said thank you and you fell in love with him."

"I'm not in love with him! Why does everyone keep saying that?" Danny huffed, face warm.

"Uh, 'cause you're acting like it."

"I just, think he's cool. You know, I've mixed these feelings up before with Sam. This is probably just the same thing. I don't like him, I just think he's cool."

Jazz giggled. "Danny, please, I never heard you talk about Sam the way you just talked about Dash. You totally like him."

"I don't think I do. I mean, I do like being around him, a lot. As both Fenton and Phantom. He doesn't really act different between the two of them which is… nice. But if I liked him, I'd have to tell him I'm the same person, and then what if freaks out and starts acting differently again? I like this Dash. I like the way things are. I don't want them to change." Danny knew he was whining, but Jazz started it.

"Of course change is scary. And I'm not gonna say that you should tell him 'because of what could be' or anything. It's your relationship with the guy, you get to decide what you tell him. What I am saying is that you should be honest with yourself and you should have told me! You have a crush on a boy and you didn't tell your sister! I'm hurt."

"Uh, maybe!" Danny protested. "Maybe I have a crush on a boy."

"Liar, liar, pants on fire." Jazz sang.

"Don't you have like twenty essays to do or something?" Danny quipped.

Jazz bellowed a hearty laugh. "Yeah, I do. Talk to you later?"

"Yeah. Thanks for talking to me, Jazz."

"Anytime, bro. Love ya."

"Love you too." Danny hung up. He sighed and collapsed back on his bed, feeling better than he had before. He should make it a point to call his sister more often.

Danny: Hey, if I wanted 2 wear eyeliner, where would I start?

Paulina: Aaaaaaa!!! U liked it that much?! this is perfect. I haven't taught any1 make-up in a minute! R U busy? I could B there in ten minutes.

Danny: Would it B ok if i came 2 yours instead? parents have a bunch of dangerous experiments lying around this morning

Paulina: Oh, yeah that should B fine. I'll have everything set up by the time U get here. I'm so excited!

Danny: :D

Paulina has created a group chat.

Paulina has added Kwan, Dash, Danny, Tucker, Sam, and Valerie.

Paulina has sent a photo.

[The photo shows Paulina standing next to Danny in her huge vanity bathroom. They're holding their hands up in the peace sign gesture, winking, and sticking their tongues out. They wear matching eyeliner.]

Paulina: I am a goddess at make-up

Danny: Can confirm. I've learned from a master

Sam: Since the goddess can get you to do something I've been trying to convince you to do for years, I'll gladly bow

Tucker: Smthng U want 2 tell us, Sam?

Sam: Only that I can recognize talent when I see it

Valerie: But can Danny do it on his own?

Danny: I did Paulina's!!! She's been teaching me all day. This shit is hard

Dash: I didn't think you'd get to Paulina's level in one day

Danny: Oh, I'm nowhere near her level. She's a master. However, I can tell U the difference between liquid and felt tip eyeliner.

Sam: Prove it

Tucker: How's he supposed to prove it?

Valerie: He could do your eyeliner

Tucker: No thank U. That shit takes forever to get off. Never again. Why aren't we volunteering Dash for this?

Dash: Because I'm not back for another two weeks. And by then he'll be better at it so you won't be able to make fun of him

Danny: :(

Paulina: I can't believe ur all doubting my teaching skills

Sam: We're doubting Danny's art skills

Danny: >: (

Kwan: Yo!! Looking good, bro!

Danny: :) Thanks, bro. I knew I could count on U. The only 1 that has my back 4 real

Dash: I thought it looked cool

Danny: :D

Valerie: Anyone want to meet at Nasty Burger? I've got a craving for fries

Tucker: Say less, I'm omw

Sam: I'm down

Dash: :(

Danny: You'll be there in spirit :)

Kwan: Woooo! Party!!!! Dash, we can Skype you

Dash: That's okay, we're going on a hike here in a second

Paulina: That's what you get for abandoning us for a month

Dash: :(

Sam: I can't believe our resident nurse friend is gone right now

Dash: ?

Tucker: Danny needs stitches and Sam doesn't want to do it

Valerie: What'd he do this time?

Dash: This time?! How often does he need stitches? Is he okay?

Sam: More often than you'd think. He's a magnet for trouble

Tucker: He's fine. Just jumped in front of a car crash to save a kid. A piece of shrapnel gouged his leg.

Dash: Why isn't he in the hospital?! Is the kid okay?

Valerie deleted a chat

Valerie: Danny doesn't like hospitals. Why didn't he let Phantom handle it?

Sam: There weren't any ghosts involved. He wouldn't have shown.

Dash: Is everyone okay though? What's happening with Danny?

Tucker: The kid is worshiping Danny as we speak

Danny: Aw, worried about me Dash? ;)

Danny: Every1 is ok though. I got stitches. The kid is a little shaken, but otherwise unharmed and he's not worshiping me. He was just scared. It doesn't look like a serious crash either.

Dash: My friend jumped in front of a car, of fucking course I'm worried.

Tucker: Eh, he does this often. You'll get used to it.

Dash: Often!? Why?

Valerie: Acknowledging it only encourages him

Danny: Who else was going to save that kid? I think I prefer him over U guys

Dash: What did I do?

Danny: Ur exempt

Tucker: Simp

Danny: I will haunt ur ass Tuck

Tucker: No U won't. Ur too nice

Sam: It's true, that's a hollow threat and you know it

Danny: I can be threatening >=(

Paulina: Glad ur ok Danny! Hate to disagree with U guys, but Danny can be scary when he wants to be

Dash: Yeah, have U ever seen him mad? He's a wall of terror and rage

Valerie: How do you two know that?

Paulina: We used to be bad people.

Dash: U pick on the wrong kid once and suddenly Danny Fenton turns into ur worst nightmare

Danny: :D See?

Sam: Ur still not haunting Tucker

Tucker: I have bestie privileges

Danny: True. But I do too and I will not hesitate to send the blackmail photos I have saved.

Tucker: What photos?

Danny: ^u^

Tucker: Danny, what photos?!?!

"Go long!" Danny launched the frisbee through the air, watching Youngblood and Cujo race after it. Youngblood caught it and threw it back. Cujo spun around and came charging back toward him.

He caught it, narrowly dodging Cujo as he jumped after it. This time when he threw it, he used a little bit of ecto energy to throw it further. Cujo took the lead on this chase, Youngblood protesting.

"Hey! Cujo! Let me get it! You can't even throw it!"

"You'll never tire them out, you know." Ember huffed, scribbling music notes in her notebook.

"I know." Danny collapsed on the ground next to her, sinking into the soft grass of one of the ghost zone's islands. "I'm not trying to. Just making sure they don't get bored and try to cause chaos in the living world."

Ember huffed and picked up her guitar. "I've been doing just fine keeping them in check." She played a few chords, shook her head, and adjusted the strings.

"Yeah, you have. Thanks for that. I'm sorry I haven't been visiting as much lately."

She picked her notebook up and changed something she had written. "Yeah, what gives? That new boyfriend of yours better company than us or something?"

Danny tensed. "You know about Dash?"

Ember rolled her eyes. "The whole zone knows about Dash. Well, anyone who cares about Phantom, knows about Dash. Johnny has been itching to tease you about it."

"Great, well he's not even my boyfriend. So Johnny can lay off." Danny watched Youngblood and Cujo fight over the frisbee.

Ember hummed. "You know he won't. I think Skulker already has a plan to use him as bait too. You'd better keep an eye on him."

Danny groaned flopping over to stare up at the swirling green void. His vision filled with a giant green dog, dropping slobber over him like rain as it deposited the Frisbee next to him.

"Gross, Cujo!" Danny sat up, turning intangible so the dog spit would slide off of him.

"You're supposed to throw it back!" Youngblood huffed, sitting next to Ember. "This isn't fun anymore. I want to play pirates."

Danny raised an eyebrow at him, turning tangible again. "Do you remember what happened last time you played pirates? You sent three people to the hospital and leveled a whole city block."

Youngblood rolled his eyes. "It's not that big of a deal. They're all fine."

"People got hurt. That's not fine." Ember said gently.

"Ugh, big kids are no fun. It's fine because they'll just show up here if they get hurt. It's not like they disappear."

"It isn't fine," Danny soothed. "People aren't supposed to be here until they're ready. If you bring them here too early, it makes them really sad." Danny could tell Youngblood wasn't listening to the conversation anymore. Cujo butted his arm to get Danny to pet him.

"And you aren't supposed to be able to see me anymore. Rules are just dumb words that don't mean anything."

Danny tried to contain his frustration as he petted Cujo. He sighed. "Okay, why don't we play astronauts? We can use your slingshot for a spaceship again."

Youngblood brightened. "Okay! I'll go get it. C'mon Cujo! Help me carry it." Cujo barked and the two of them sped off toward Youngblood's door.

"Aren't you glad you're missing time with your boyfriend for this?" Ember sneered.

Danny frowned. "He's not my boyfriend. And I haven't just been spending all my time with him. I've been trying to apply for college and turn the antibiotics for the Fenton Venom into a vaccine. That way Pandora doesn't have to worry about distributing antibiotics to ghosts who are scared of her. You know, important things."

Ember huffed, ripping a page out of her notebook and throwing it at him. "Whatever. Just bring him to my next concert so I can make fun of you."

"No promises. Giving up on your song?" Danny threw the paper back at her, laughing.

"Not giving up, starting over. You giving up on getting over your crush?" She scribbles more in her notebook.

"You're not gonna drop this are you?" Danny wound his fingers around the ghost grass, ripping some chunks out and watching them blow away on the breeze.

"Nope." She popped the 'p', readjusting her guitar on her lap. "It's kind of the most interesting thing going on right now. Since I've given up on taking over the world, I have to entertain myself with your whole 'will I, won't I' thing."

Danny pouted. "Kitty and Johnny's 'will they won't they' isn't more interesting? What about your boyfriend? Is he not entertaining enough?"

"Uh, no. For one, Kitty and Johnny are annoying and they always get back together so it's boring at this point. And no, he's too busy trying to come up with a way to hunt you and the boy you want to kiss so bad it makes you look stupid." She struck a few chords on her guitar, nodding and writing it down.

Danny gasped, shoving her playfully. "I do not look stupid."

"Yes, you do. You fell in a goddamn lake." She grinned and motioned to her guitar. "You know, I could always help out with a well-timed love spell."

Danny frowned at her, eyes flashing in annoyance. "Not a chance. I'm not letting you put a spell on Dash."

"Aw, you care about him." She mocked. "Why don't you just fucking tell him?"

Danny huffed. "I don't know. Maybe I don't want him to freak out when he finds out I'm dead. Or not completely dead if he prefers Phantom. Oh god, what if he does prefer Phantom? What would I do then?"

Ember rolled her eyes. "Jesus, you're a mess. Look, I can't give you the best advice as someone who literally died because she got stood up. But, just ask yourself if you're willing to be lonely for the rest of your life because you're too scared to let someone take your feelings seriously. Don't be an idiot."

"I've got it!" Youngblood called, returning with Cujo who was balancing the slingshot on his back. "I call going first!"

"Coming!" Danny called. He smiled at Ember. "For someone who doesn't have a lot of advice, that was pretty good stuff. I like you better when you're not trying to take over the world."

"I know, you tell me all the time." Ember played more chords on her guitar. "Go play with the kid before he loses his mind."

Danny chuckled as he got up and flew over to Youngblood. "Alright, Commander, are you ready for launch?"

Danny: Hey, how's Cali?

Dash: It's fun. My aunt Cassie is teaching me the secret family recipes

Danny: :o any chance I can blackmail U into making those for me?

Dash: Yeah, you can ask nicely

Danny: Can U make them for me?

Dash: What's the magic word?

Danny: Ambivalent

Dash: I can withhold my cooking

Danny: This is cruel and unusual punishment

Dash: Weird, I don't think your texts are coming through

Danny: I refuse to beg

Dash: Then I refuse to share my secret family recipes

Danny: :(

Danny : Please?

Dash: Ok, you win. Hope you like chicken kebabs

Danny: <3 U have issues with Reggie yet?

Dash: Ugh, of course. My mom has put him in his place a couple of times though. It's been cool.

Danny: Let's go, Mrs. Baxter!

Dash: She says you can call her Jessica btw

Danny: Is ur mom reading ur texts?

Dash: No, she just asked who I was texting

Danny: Aw, she loves me <3

Dash: Don't encourage her. How are your stitches?

Danny: Still worried about that? I'm fine. It's no big deal.

Dash: It's kind of a big deal. I'm just glad you're okay. I seem to remember you promising a game night when I got back. Wouldn't be able to do that if you fucking died on me

Danny: Did I? I just remember saying we needed to hang out

Dash: No, I distinctly remember you saying that you'd help me get revenge on Tucker

Danny: Ur going after Tucker and not Sam?

Dash: Sam kicks ass. I don't think anyone can beat her. Tucker threw a blue shell at me. That's unforgivable.

Danny: Ok, u have convinced me. I'll help u with ur revenge scheme.

Dash: How upset is he going to be when he finds out I've turned you against him?

Danny: Immensely. He'll never let me live it down. U had better make it worth it

Dash: I'll get some practice in. Wouldn't want to let you down

Danny: Hope ur cousins are good practice then

Dash: Nathan might be, he hasn't left the game room since we got here.

Dash: I need to help with dinner, text you later?

Danny: Yeah, tell ur mom I said hi!

Danny, on his stomach, lay on his bed, one elbow supporting his head, red pen spinning in his other hand. An astronomy textbook lay open in front of him, a page already underlined with significant notes in the margins. He'd ordered the basic books for the classes he'd be taking ahead of time so he could use the second half of summer to get a jump start on his studies. He'd need the extra time if ghost attacks ramped up again in the fall.

Granted he was working off the textbooks the teachers had used the previous year so it might all be for naught. But he figured any information was good information, plus he liked seeing the pictures from the telescope.

He was underlining another sentence when his phone rang. He reached over, stretching to grab it from his nightstand, not even bothering to hide the smile on his face when he saw the contact picture. He dropped his pen and answered the call.

"Hey, Dash, what's-"

"Do you have to have your boyfriend fight all your battles, dweeb?" A voice he'd never heard before shouted a small distance from the mic.

"Shut the fuck up, Reggie!" Dash's voice was loud and pissed. "You're the one insisting you know everything when you're just sitting here talking out of your ass."

"Like some kid from Amity Park would know than me. I'm in-"

"Your seventh year of college, yeah, I think that's too many for an associate's degree, making you more of an idiot than a genius!" Dash snorted. "Danny, have you seen Mission to Mars?"

Danny resisted the urge to laugh. "Yeah. Are you calling me to settle a debate about a space movie?"

Dash sounded like he was ready to commit murder. "Yes. Reggie over here thinks that the movie is completely scientifically accurate."

"It's not." Danny closed his textbook and pushed it out of the way. He rolled onto his back to give his elbows a break.

"I fucking told you," Dash shouted, presumably at Reggie.

"What does some fresh high school graduate even know?" Reggie bit back.

"More than you asshole! He's going to get an astronomy degree and I don't think you even know what campus you stumbled onto."

Danny bit his lip to keep from laughing, a warm feeling bubbling up in his stomach.

"Boys, please," an elderly voice called, "the kids are in the next room."

"What part specifically are you arguing about?" Danny asked.

"The part where he takes his helmet off and instantly freezes. You were just talking about it the other day."

"You were actually listening to me rant about the effects of space on the human body?" Danny couldn't help the fluttery tone creeping into his voice. He wrapped his free arm around his stomach trying to contain the small butterflies forming there.

"I'm gonna be sick," Reggie hissed.

"Am I on speaker?" Danny picked at the loose threads on his jeans.

"Yeah, sorry, uh, can you explain to him what happens when an astronaut takes off their helmet in space?"

"Space is freezing, obviously they'd freeze," Reggie shouted disgruntled.

"Okay, first off," Danny started, understanding exactly why Dash hated this guy, "It doesn't matter what would happen because an astronaut would not be able to remove their own helmet. It has to be sealed and pressurized from the back, meaning they would need a partner to put it on and take it off properly. So, there's your first inaccuracy."

"What are your fucking sources for that?" Reggie spat.

"Fucking NASA." Danny snorted. "Fucking google it if you don't believe me. Although, I assume Dash already tried that."

Dash coughed, trying to cover his laugh.

"Whatever," Reggie huffed. "They'd still freeze if they could."

"Not immediately. The first thing that would happen is their skin would develop extreme sunburns from exposure to unfiltered ultraviolet light. If they didn't immediately exhale, their lungs would expand like a balloon from the unbalanced pressure. Parallel air expansion within their ears and sinuses will cause the tissues to rupture. Any moisture in the eyes, mouth, and throat will boil and vaporize. The rest of the liquids in the body will also start to boil and trigger extreme swelling in the muscles. Then the vaporization will cause localized temperatures to drop and then they'll begin to freeze. But that's not the end. Any body fluids that are left can and will escape the body however they can; crying, vomiting, urinating, defecating, all of it boiling on emission. And then they'll run out of oxygen causing hypoxia to take place. Within twelve seconds, they will have lost consciousness so at least they won't have to feel most of this. And if they're not re-pressurized within two minutes, they're certainly dead. And you can imagine the consequences of surviving."

The line on the other end was silent for a few moments. Danny thought he'd gone a bit too far and maybe ruined his reputation with Dash's family. The butterflies in his stomach were turning to stone. He stared at the stars on his ceiling, nerves eating away at him.

Dash, finally, broke the silence, his voice bold and full of pride. "Anything to say to that Reggie? Or did you not understand half the words he said? I thought you knew everything?"

Danny felt warm and gooey inside with the tone of Dash's voice. He was proud of him. Danny may as well be melting. He rolled on his side, curling up in an attempt to contain himself. He fidgeted with the edge of his blankets.

"Whatever," Reggie muttered. "Your boyfriend is creepy as hell. I'm going for a smoke." He heard a door close.

"Yeah, whatever, Reggie, you sore fucking loser," Dash muttered. Danny tried to keep his heart from jumping when Dash didn't correct Reggie on their relationship for a second time.

"Good job, Danny!" Dash's mom whispered nearby. "I owe you one."

"Thanks, Jessica." Danny giggled.

There was some shuffling and muttering on the other end before he heard another door. "You're off speaker now. Thanks for that. I've never seen Reggie so uncomfortable."

Danny's laugh was bubbly and he was embarrassed at how uncontrolled it was. "Anytime. It's nice to know you actually listened to my little space rant."

"Of course, I was listening. And look, it came in handy. Anytime you want to rant, I'm ready to listen."

Danny's face burned, tears pricking the corner of his eyes. His cheeks ached from how long his smile had been there. "Cool," he wheezed. "I'm always here to listen to you too. If there was anything you wanted to talk about."

"Really? Cause my grandma has been trying to teach me how to knit. I could tell you all about different types of yarn and needles."

Danny laughed, every nerve in his body alight with sparking nervous energy. One conversation with Dash was putting him through a lot of emotions in a very short time span. He would be lying if he said he hated it. "Then please, go on, knitting master. I'm all ears."

"Dash!" Dash's mom called faintly from the other room. "We're about to start the next movie! Danny can wait a few more days to have you all to himself!"

Dash sighed. "Well, I guess you'll have to wait to hear all about three-sided yarn until I get back. Talk to you later?"

"Yeah, later." Danny breathed, closing his phone as Dash hung up. He breathed out shakily, cradling his phone to his chest. His heart was racing under his fingers.

Dash had called him to prove a point about astronomy. And he was proud of him for his answer. And that made Danny feel very weak in the knees.

Oh boy, he might be in trouble.

Dash adjusted the temperature of the water at the kitchen sink. He was washing the apples they had, making sure to scrub all the pesticides off. He handed each one to his niece Janice who was peeling them at the kitchen table. His grandma sat next to her, mixing pie crust and humming a song.

"Dash, can I ask you something?" Janice asked, setting a freshly peeled apple in the wooden bowl on the table.

"Yeah, what's up, nerd?" He grabbed the last apple, pulling its sticker off and running it under the water.

"That boy that you keep texting, do you like him?"

Dash froze, the old yellow wallpaper with its red birds suddenly the most interesting thing in the world. "Maybe," he drawled. "Why do you want to know?"

Janice shrugged. "Reggie keeps saying mean things about it and I told him if he hurt your feelings about it I'd kick his ass. So, if you did like him, I was going to have to go to war." She struggled to pull a stem out of one of the apples. Their grandma passed her a small knife.

Dash grinned at the thought of his twelve-year-old niece fighting his twenty-five-year-old cousin. She would win. "You don't have to go to war for me, Janice. Just ignore Reggie. He's just a mean person."

"That's not an answer to my question, though." She stood up and got a glass down from the cabinet, filling it with the homemade juice from the fridge.

"I'm curious too." His grandma spoke. "With the way you called him the other day, I'd have thought you two were already dating." She winked at him.

Dash laughed to shake the nerves off. Calling Danny had been impulsive, he just wanted to put Reggie in his place. But he'd been thinking about how happy Danny had sounded since it happened. He turned off the sink and grabbed a cutting board and a fresh knife to start cutting the apples. "Well, if you two gossips need some to satisfy you, then maybe I'll admit to liking two boys."

Janice gasped, plopping back down in her seat. "Drama. Is one of them Danny?"

Dash nodded. "Yes, one of them is Danny. Don't you dare tell him."

"Who's the other one?" His grandma asked, adding more water to her mixing bowl.

Dash didn't really know how to explain Phantom to people who lived outside Amity Park. Ghosts weren't as common beyond their strange little town so they didn't really need ghost superheroes anywhere else. "Uh, just this other guy from school that I've been hanging out with."

His grandma sighed. "I wish I was still young enough to play the field like that."

"Grandma!" Janice gasped, scandalized. Their grandma just laughed. Janice grimaced. "Which one do you like better then? It's Danny, right?"

"You just want me to like Danny because he likes space." Dash slid the apple chunks off the board into a small bowl on the very end of the old wooden table.

"Uh, duh." Janice huffed. "Would it even work with this other guy?"

Dash sighed, remembering how disappointed Phantom had been in him the last time they talked. "I don't think so."

"Why not?" His grandma asked, waddling over to the oak cabinets in search of the dough roller.

"I don't know, gram. I haven't seen him in a while and we just have… different lifestyles. It might be a nice experience, but I don't think it would work long-term."

"There's nothing wrong with experiences." His grandma mused. "They're a part of life."

Dash gave her a small smile. "When did you get old enough to be so wise?"

She cackled, setting the roller down next to her bowl and moving her chair out of the way. "When did you get old enough to be worrying about boys?"

"Touche."

"So," Janice took a long sip of her juice, maintaining eye contact the whole time, "when are you gonna tell Danny?"

Dash frowned. He finished slicing the last apple and walked over to the sink to wash the cutting board. "I don't think I will. He's trying to figure out what he wants from life and I think I'd just get in his way."

"Why can't he figure it out with you?" Janice said with all the sting of honesty that children provided.

Dash didn't even know how to begin low self-esteem to her. His mind raced, trying to come up with a good excuse. "Uh, well, I just think he deserves the best and I think there's better than me."

"I think he's the one who gets to decide what he deserves." His grandma smiled. "You put yourself down too much Dash. We all have darkness in our past, but it doesn't make our present light less deserving."

Dash didn't get a chance to reply as his mom came bustling into the kitchen. "How's it going in here?"

His heart dropped when his grandma smirked at him. "Good. Jessica, dear, did you know your son has a crush on not one, but two boys?"

His mom turned a curious, twinkling eye to him. "I did not."

Janice was practically falling out of her seat. "Aunt Jes, you have to convince Dash to marry Danny so he can bring him to the next reunion so I can have a space buddy!"

His mom gasped, clapping her hands together. "You have a crush on Danny? That's wonderful! You already have my approval."

"Gram, you're a traitor," Dash grumbled. She playfully shrugged, as if she did nothing wrong.

His mom was never going to let him live this down.

#just a little guy #ao3 #writing #fanfiction #danny fenton #danny phantom #danny/dash #swagger bishie #teddy ghost #whatever other ship names they have #of all the stories in the stars ours has yet to be told

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theweirdoinurhouse · 2 months ago

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Phobias, am I right?

Sorry for the bad title, but in my Ted Talk of the day I'll be discussing Tokophobia and thanatophobia (mainly this one). I've seen some talk about them, and want to share my own personal experiences with them and spread more light on the subjects.

CW: Talk of death, pregnancy, childbirth, and rape (very briefly) Please proceed with caution, I don't want anybody to have a mental crisis

So first off, what are tokophobia and thanatophobia? Tokophobia is the fear of childbirth/pregnancy, and thanatophobia is the fear of death. That one is pretty broad. I will section off talking about each of them. Warning, they might be long.

Thanatophobia:

I'll just get this one out of the way. I personally have thanatophobia stronger than tokophobia, and that's because it's literally unavoidable. And that's the main reason I'm so scared of it. Unlike other fears like heights or spiders or snakes, you can decently avoid those. But you can't avoid death. It's always looming over you, no matter how safe you seem. Not to say those other fears aren't valid or anything. They absolutely are. But nobody can avoid death. Not forever anyways.

Everytime I get home and open the door I'm scared someone might be on the other side with a gun. Or when I enter my room. Or whenever I'm walking I wonder if that maybe someone will drive by and shoot me. Lots of shooting thoughts, because it's one of the easiest methods. But no matter where I am I always have the looming thought of dying.

Then there's the fact about mortality. It absolutely angers me. Inside me are two wolves (sorry I have to joke to make myself feel better). One wolf thinks: Why do anything? We won't matter. We won't do anything that matters to the world or people. We're gonna die one day. We're not special. Why try so hard? The other wolf thinks: We're gonna die one day, so why not live life to the fullest? (Can you tell which one I listen to most of the time?)

I try my best to live my life to the fullest. But I'm always so stressed about everything. Then whenever I try to do something "cool" or think about doing something cool, I can only think of how that might make my life even shorter. I watched this one movie where this girl was the embodiment of "YOLO". Guess what? She died.

I don't want that to be me. I don't want to finally decide to do something fun and then die. But I also don't want to stay cooped up my whole life. Every thought I have contradicts each other and it's so hard to live with. I hate thinking about how we're all just going to die one day and that we can't do anything about it. And we have no clue what's after.

I'm not religious. And honestly? That makes this even worse. I have nothing to hold onto. I have nothing to look forward to. I have nothing. 😋😋 I won't talk much about religion. Like ever. But yeah, I don't have a belief of what's after, and it's makes the unknown so scary to me. I don't like not knowing. Just endless black? No consciousness? Nothing? Nothing.

I have oh so many thoughts about death. None positive. Sometimes I think about killing myself to escape this sad, non-satisfying world. When I was younger I made this idea with my step dad that when you die you get your own island in the sky and you can make it as perfect to you as you want. Sometimes I want to die to go to my own personal, amazing life. But what if that's fake? What if everything everyone has ever thought of about the afterlife is fake? Not having an answer is scary enough for me.

Earlier today I was helping out at a theater put away some stuff. I was standing on top of a latter. Then suddenly it was getting a little hard to breath and I was crying. Had to steady myself before getting off the ladder. So really other fears that can correspond to death scares me too. How diverse! 😄

Anyways that's the basics. Ill just stop it there before it gets too long.

Tokophobia:

This one will be shorter, so people who don't like reading a lot of words: here ya go.

Remember in thanatophobia I mentioned walking? Yeah sometimes I think about someone 🍇 me and (bc the government low key sucks) being forced to have a child. TERRIFYING!!! Honestly props to all the moms in the world, i could never give birth.

Whenever I think about pregnancy the first thing that pops up in my brain is that one scene from Alien. You know the one. There is a literal LIVING BEING GROWING IN YOUR STOMACH!!! WHAT?!

The thought just really grosses me out, and I just would have a mental breakdown if I was pregnant.

This one time in like 3rd grade my teacher was talking about her giving birth to her two daughters (no clue why she did). She had to stop because one kid was crying, knees to their chest and rocking back and forth. That child was me. I was absolutely mortified of the idea of giving birth. Still am. People call it the beauty of life. I call it absolutely disgusting (no offense. Omg opinions!!)

Anyway yeah. In summary: I don't like the world ☺️☺️

(I did not re-read this, so sorry for any mistakes in spelling or grammar!)

#thanatophobia #tokophobia #phobia #fear of death #fear of pregnancy #Fear of childbiight #I might have others honestly #who knows #i dont!

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mariyekos · 2 months ago

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Writer interview game

Tagged by @dithorba a little while ago so sorry about the delay but thank you for the tag! Just took me a bit to get to this.

When did you start writing?

I want to say 2014ish. The oldest fic I still have access too was started in 2014, but I don't remember if it was the first I ever wrote or the first big one I wrote. 2015 was when I started really getting into writing. I didn't post any of my writing to 2016, but I'd written tens of thousands of words by then. That 2014 fic got to 38k before I set it aside! (It was a time travel fic which hadn't even gotten to the time travel part 😅)

Though actually looking at the question again... sure I started writing fic in around 2014, but I actually started writing for fun before that! I had a teacher in elementary school, probably 5th or 6th grade, who encouraged me to write a story. I don't remember why she did, but I probably just liked writing so much that she recommended I have an outlet for that. I started with some original fiction that I want to say was something about people deserted on an island or something. In eighth grade I had another writing assignment that I'm pretty sure ended up being 25 pages long when the requirement was probably something like 5-10. After that I got into fic, and besides two or so original stories that never made it past 5k, I've stuck with it since.

Are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write? -

I'm not good at writing romance and don't usually write romance, but I enjoy reading about romances. Generally I still prioritize plot over romance though. Once I got a book that was definitely a romance first novel and let me tell you, I was really annoyed when the MCs decide they wanted to storm out of the conference room to have sex in the hallway when they were in the middle of interrogating the guy who'd killed the POV MC's mother and was plotting the murder of a bunch of other people. There are times and places to do that! Don't do that when we have plot going! Figure it out and then go make out once we've made some progress!!

Other than that... I find body horror fascinating but I'm also not great at it. Unlike romance, body horror is something I would like to get better at writing myself.

(On a related note, the favorite genre of original fiction is fantasy. I looooove high fantasy novels! Give me magic and knights and religion and mythical creatures and I'm sold.)

Is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often? -

I don't think I've ever been compared to anyone. I have no idea who or what my writing is like to anyone else.

As for writers I want to emulate... this is something I've been thinking about a lot lately. I've gotten into the habit of screenshotting fics I really enjoy so I can break down what I enjoy and think about how to integrate that into my own writing. I'll sometimes take pictures of books if I have my phone on me while reading, or screenshot ebooks for the same reason. I wouldn't say there's one writer in particular I'm trying to emulate at the moment. I do want to get more flowery in my writing though. It might be a slog for some people, but I adore it, so that's something I want to work on.

Can you tell me a bit about your writing space? -

There are a couple places! Sometimes I'll write at my desktop computer, but I frequently write on my laptop while sitting on my bed. There's a chair by a big open window that I'll also write at from time to time because I like the light. Usually when I'm in my room it's because it's later in the day/night, whereas when I write in the window chair it's because it's earlier and the light streams in the room in a pretty way. I like to change it up a little bit from time to time.

When I was younger I wrote pretty exclusively on my phone. It was either my phone or the family computer, which I did start on, but that was hard because I didn't want to write when anyone was home so...yeah. Now I hardly ever write on my phone. For one, my two main WIPS are over 85k words long so they'll just crash if I try to write on my phone. Beyond that I tend to write when I'm at home, and I'm faster at typing on my laptop than I am on my phone. It's physically more comfortable. But I will use my phone if inspiration strikes when I'm out and I want to jot something down, or if it's the end of the day and I'm in bed and want to knock out a few (hundred) words before I go to sleep. (Occasionally this will turn into a thousand words like a few days ago but. Usually it's for shorter stints!)

What’s your most effective way to muster up a muse? -

Great question. I wish I knew!

I will say that several of my recent fics have been motivated by seeing someone post something that makes little sparks go off in my mind. They'll put out a question or a sentence or three, then my head will go 'ah yes, what if we explored this-' and go deeper. From there it's just a matter of how much I feel like writing. Sometimes there's an idea I enjoy but little motivation to write. Sometimes I really, really want to write but even if the ideas are sitting there, I just can't get the words to flow because none are appealing in that moment. Sometimes I just have to trudge through a hundred words or few before I get in the groove of things and the words start flowing.

I will say that I daydream about things a lot. So sometimes I will daydream about a scenario until it turns into something fic worthy. Other times I'll have a fic, daydream, and then get enough of a foundation that I feel like I can write. It just depends.

Are there any recurring themes in your writing? Do they surprise you? -

Uhhhh. Angst? Pushing characters to emotional limits and seeing how being stretched may make them react? Character studies? If there are recurring themes they're probably unconscious. I like feeling things, I like making characters feel things, and I like examining them when they do.

I will say that a good deal of my recent writing (posted and not) has to deal with unpleasant situations and how people react to having to make a decision when their only options are bad ones, or to people doing unhealthy things. Lots of heavier topics in my recent writing. Does this surprise me? Nah, I enjoy it. Does it perhaps say something about my recent mental state? Well.

Even if they go through hardships they make it through. Are they happy? Well. They're alive. Happiness means something different to everyone. For those of you who've read xxxHolic, if you remember Yuko's quote about Subaru....it's stuck with me for a very long time. That and Subaru's horrible terrible quote about happiness to Kamui in X. Should the takeaway be that you should be okay with not finding happiness because happiness is not for everyone? That not everyone can find happiness and this is a fact of life that we should make peace with? Probably not. You should always strive for more. But whether I and the characters I write about are doing that as much as they probably should... it's fascinating exploring what happiness means to someone, and where the line between contentment and happiness lies, especially in regards to peace and acceptance.

What is your reason for writing? -

It's fun. I like imagining characters in scenarios, and when I write, I preserve a variation of that scenario that I can always come back to and enjoy. Sometimes I'll daydream variants of my own fics that don't happen quite how I wrote them. And that works because I have that base to come back to! Writing also helps me straighten out some of the kinks in these daydream scenarios. It's also fun to improve.

I also write to share my ideas with other people. I love reading what other people write, so I like to share my ideas so they can have a little peace of that happiness too. It also opens the door for discussion, which I absolutely adore. Sometimes even a short comment can get my brain firing all cylinders again, prompting me to think about something in a new or deeper way. I was very chatty in college discussion classes and I miss forums. I love talking about the things I love, I love exploring different themes and motifs and language etc etc, and fic is an excellent way of starting the discussion.

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer? -

I'm not sure. I would like to say ideas, but even then I don't know. I can write long things? But I feel like that's more my a product of my definite weakness, which is being concise. I really struggle with that. It's something I've tried to work on from time to time, but I still tend to get so wordy I lose steam on fics before they're done. My google drive is the graveyard for dozens of unpublished fics. And when I say dozens, there are definitely over a hundred.

How do you feel about your own writing? -

I think it's on the good side of okay. I'd probably rate it 6.5 or 7 out of 10, with 10 being "this is the most amazing thing I have ever read, get this person an award, I need to talk about this writing," 0 being "this person seriously needs a beta and to look up the fundamentals of writing, I could not finish this." and 5 being "yeah this is readable, was worth my time to read it."

Recently I did some self reflection and have come to terms with the fact that my writing isn't what I want it to be but that's okay. I'm young. I've been writing for 10 years, sure, but for how much of that time have I really been trying to get better as a writer, as opposed to merely writing? How much time have I spent studying other writers? How much time have I spent trying to tweak my writing without giving up? I have time and I have room to grow. I might not be at the top but my stuff is still readable for the most part.

I think I have a better relationship with my writing than I did a year or two ago, when I felt like I was not able to do what I wanted to do and immensely frustrated by it. I'm still a little frustrated, but I don't feel paralyzed like I used to. My two current longfic wips, sitting at 89k and 101k words, are fics that I wrote for plot and and am currently revising. They're both almost done in terms of plot, only needing another ~2 and ~3 chapters respectively, but I'm only ~25% and 5% through revising for writing respectively. By that I mean going back to make them sound pretty. And even more importantly, I'm revising them to make them consistent in terms of style, and for the style to mimic the atmosphere/plot of the fic! I'm trying to work on matching my writing style to the narrator, which can be a bit tricky when the narrator doesn't exactly lend themself to the style I would like to write in, so I've been working on blending the two.

My writing isn't perfect. I wish it were better. I really, really wish I were better at using literary devices, adding in references, the general 'being flowery', and making these big overarching themes that readers can catch onto. I wish I were better at connecting small thins to the big themes. I love picking apart writing, and I want people to be able to pick apart my writing to find gems too. I need to strike a balance between explaining all my choices in the writing and not explaining them but hoping readers pick up on it. It does not always make sense for the narrator to explain all of the logic to something, because some of that should be innate. But I also don't want things to seem illogical, or for signs to be so obscure no one catches them. It's hard to strike this balance. I'm not very good at it yet.

So when it comes to the art of writing, I think I'm overall only just barely okay. When it comes to the craft or the act, sure I can write. I've written 288k words of fic this year. I can do plots. I can put words on paper (or on screen). But are they works of art? Well...they are, technically, I'm not going to deny that, but are they museum worthy? My current answer is no. If they're going in any museums then it's the city museum at best. It's the filler that people enjoy, but could easily be replaced. It's okay. People enjoy it! I'm proud of it. But I know it could be better.

That's the main thing. I know it could be better.

I want it to be better. I need to get down the patience to make it better. I'm making strides, but I'm not where I want to be yet.

My writing is enjoyable, but again I would place it on the good side of okay. Or the okay side of good. Not the good side of good. It feels childish in a way, compared to some of the greats. Not all writing needs to be chock full of little references and themes and flowery language to be good, but since that's what I want my writing to be, it means I'm not where I want to be and thus that it isn't good at what I want it to be. It's okay at what I want it to be.

We'll see how far I ever manage to get. I have so many words I haven't' published because I feel like they're not "good writing" and it's frustrating me because I want to share. I'm just sitting here hoping someone doesn't get to the topic before I do... because I definitely have stuff in my vaults that I enjoyed but hadn't finished tweaking, only to find someone wrote the same topic but better, causing me to place them in the grave because I can't hope to match that and don't want to be accused of plagiarism, because who's going to believe I wrote my thing first but then left it in my drafts for 3 months?

So...yeah I need to get over myself lol. I can write. I've been writing a long time. What I write is enjoyable. It could just be better. I want to get better at writing as an art. Hone my skills, refine my craft, and all that.

#erurandomness #thank you for the tag! took a while to get to but this was fun to think about #because man do i have a lot to think about #eruwrites #erubabbles #eruanswers #tag meme

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trials-of-a-spirit-worker · 1 year ago

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Hi, I happened to stumble upon your page and I have an inquiry.

So ever since I was a child I was VERY attracted to witchcraft even though I had no access to it. Like it was something unconscious, I live in Saudi Arabia and everyone is VERY RELIGIOUS to the point where even Harry Potter was banned before I could even watch it as a child (just emphasizing the fact that I had no way to know witchcraft) but somehow I knew what it was. In my specific case, it had to do with demons. I always found myself thinking about them in completely unrelated situations like thoughts would suddenly pop up in my head. I would also unconsciously try to summon one like some third party was willing me to do so and I just felt very obligated to at least, I was very young when this happened (I'm talking 4-6 years old). Later on, whenever I would wake up I would see a blurry gray silhouette of what seemed to be a man rising with me from bed, being outside when I opened the bathroom door waiting, felt like I was being watched in the shower, visited in my dreams, etc. When I grew older (13-15) it started to get REALLY weird. Like the thing would visit me in my dreams whatever the dream was and somehow I would wake up with my hand in my private??? Like I would wake up touching myself every. Time. It. Visited. Sometime last year I got a nightmare of said demon\figure chained in the corner of my room snarling at me and trying to get to me. Later on, I had a dream of being watched by owls, seagulls, and some other brown bird, I was aware in the dream that it was 3 a.m., my bed was moved from an angle and I could see human remains and trash under. Could you please help me piece together what all of this means? I still want to practice witchcraft but every time I try to I get super dizzy and I feel like I'm being watched. (I'm a solar witch and a 16-year-old female)

Hello anon!

When I was younger, I also felt the pull to witchcraft/spirit work. I think it just means we're a little more sensitive to the call. Anyone can be a witch, yes.

But there are signs that come to us that sometimes just shouldn't be ignored.

I hope you're being safe first of all. I don't know how restrictive your situation is and I do know some places in Saudi Arabia and other surrounding places can be less tolerant of witchcraft and non-accepted religions and practices. Much like parts of the states are the same way. As a closet witch myself, I sincerely hope you'll find a place one day when you're older to practice freely without fear.

Second, my first thought is some form of incubi because of the sexual touching but I don't want to jump the gun and misinform you. But harmful spirits do sometimes use sexual misconduct to weaken a person's resolve. Or...some spirits are just really weird like that. In either case, I'm so sorry this is happening to you.

If you can, find some jade for better dreaming. Moonstones, Obsidian and Amethyst are good protection too.

If you have a diffuser or any way to release essential oils, sage would be a good one to have on you. Peppermint, Sweet Orange, Tea Tree and Frankincense are great for better dreams and should hopefully repel that strange entity hounding you.

If you have incense, those would work wonderfully as well especially in any of those scents I mentioned above.

Because whatever is going on really does seem like torment on the entities side. You don't deserve that.

Pray to whoever you worship for guidance and protection from this twisted entity that's bothering you. If you don't have an deity who you follow, I recommend just looking to the universe to give you the wisdom and protection to deal with this being.

A small truck that anyone with any level of energy work should learn/work to master is warding yourself off. Again, anyone you worship or work with, ask them for their protection, envision a cloak, a light, a bubble—I've heard many forms of this shielding whatever works for you and comes naturally and cover yourself in it. Something that'll work to bring you peace. Even if the entity shatters it the first couple times, be persistent. Put it up again.

It'll show the entity you're not going to tolerate suffering from it any longer.

Stand strong, lift up your head, and keep hope. I truly hope this helps you even if it's just a little bit, and don't hesitate to come back of you need more help.

I'm sorry this took so long, I wasn't ignoring you. Life gets away from you sometimes...you know? But I'll do my best to help with what I can.

#witchcraft #witchblr #witches of tumblr #witch community #spirit work #spirit witch #advice #anon ask #anonymous #energy magic #good luck anon #answered asks

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fiddlepickdouglas · 1 year ago

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omg august rush! that movie was so touching. thanks for reminding me of its existence :')

Hello bestie you have cracked open an Old Obsession of mine, welcome to the ride!

This was me with the door shut to the basement listening to the ~demo~ soundtrack on my iPod in high school pretending I was the virtuoso composer. I would later discover such an activity is called "stimming" 😂

For some reason the story seemed like such an obvious plot when I was younger, but having watched it again years later I was like no??? It doesn't really follow most formulas? It just makes you hope so much for the things to happen and actually pays off on the setup. What a notion.

And this song?

youtube

The lyrics destroy me every time I listen to it.

"The angel on the stairs will tell you I was there"

I'M SORRY BUT I'VE JUST ENVISIONED THE PRETTIEST FUCKING ANGEL STANDING BEFORE A DOORWAY FULL OF LIGHT ATOP AN ORNATE STAIRWAY SINCE MY CHILDHOOD. SHE IS HAUNTING AND GRACEFUL AND DOES NOT SPEAK WITH HER LIPS BUT YOU KNOW FROM THE WISDOM IN HER EYES THAT SHE IS A WITNESS TO THE SCENE. I'M ON MY KNEES. IT DOES NOT MATTER WHAT RELIGION SHE HAILS FROM.

"I've been sitting, watching life pass from the sidelines"

Hardcore resonate. 2nd child syndrome? Undiagnosed neurodivergent? Yet to realize I'm queer and my life has been dictated by the choices and influences of everyone except myself for so long? GOD.

Also, I wish Leon Thomas III got more material like this to work with.

I did not watch Victorious, but I did watch every minute of the Quinton Review on it and I'm sorry, Nickelodeon had so much talent on their hands and squandered it in favor of. The white people. Totally understand why his filmography ends in 2017 - I would focus on music too if I were always getting snubbed like that.

I could really go on about this movie and how it was so fundamental to solidifying my love for so much in the sense of art, storytelling, creating a lot of August-like OCs, second chances/new beginnings, and of course, the heavily implied autism for both August's character and *aherm* myself. Still wish I could pick up the organ like that though. Would be neat. And very on brand.

Thanks for the ask 😅

also I just realized there's totally a KimChay AU in this bitch somewhere :D

#if you read this whole thing you're a real one #AUGUST RUSH MY BELOVED #i need to give the soundtrack another listen it's been so long #august rush #answered #shubaka #thanks again bestie 🫰

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rustic-moth · 6 months ago

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.•°☆Introduction/About me!☆°•.

Hi! My name is Rusty, I am currently 17 years old, I am American [ sorry, I hate it here too ], I aspire to be a show writer and animator, and maybe make my own comic or two along the way

I really like making warm, comforting, and maybe even nostalgic art. Mainly OC art, writings, and occasional animations. I am always open to questions and requests. Don't be shy! I love interacting with people, and I am always open to new friends and mutuals!

!!! Just be warned when viewing my account that there is a LOT of my content centered around dark topics, as well as gore, blood, and just bodily harm. I use these aspects to tell a story, not just to draw it. I am unfortunately very bad about trigger warnings, so please, please, please be very careful viewing or reading my stuff !!!

About me

● 17 years old right now

● Male [ He/Him]

● Southern American

● TIRED, but we ballin'

● Queer. Probably Bi, but yeah

● I love bagels and moths so much man

● Agnostic, but I love learning about and writing religion and religious characters

I have a lot of interests, but here's my main ones

☆ Pokémon

☆ Moths [ anything about them ]

☆ Bone

☆ Scott Pilgrim [ mainly the movie and graphic novels ]

☆ I Have No Mouth And I Must Scream

☆ Fallout

☆ Adventure time

☆ Bojack Horseman

☆ Steven Universe

☆ Paper Girls

☆ Lisa Frankenstein

I don't have many boundaries, but here's a few

◇ Please don't spam message me, unless we're good friends

◇ I like debating and talking about my interests and stuff. Just please don't try to argue over stuff pointlessly.

◇ Don't say overtly X-ual stuff about my content or OCs. Compliments or jokes are fine ofc, there's just a very obvious line to cross. I'll warn you if you've crossed it but yeah

◇ Don't interact if you're a proshipper/comshipper/darkshipper or into weird stuff like that...

◇ If you're 15 or younger, I'm going to ask you to be VERY CAUTIOUS when viewing anything I make. A lot of my stuff deals with dark topics, and I don't want anyone not equipped to deal with stuff like that seeing it.

◇ I feel like I'm pretty chill, otherwise, just be cool

I hope that this'll be a good introduction to my account and me as an artist!

#art #small art account #small artist #illustration #writers #artists on tumblr #artist intro

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seeker-of-peace · 1 year ago

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Hello, I am also a 24 years old muslima. I hope you are doing great. May i ask u if u struggle with islam and what it says about women ? I know it's a weird question but I've been struggling with faith for a long time. I need to discuss it with a woman who will understand my pov. I know this is very personal and i would appreciate if u answer honeslty but if you can't, can you please guide me to resources (podcasts, channels, books .. ) that help you with your faith if you have any. Thank you very much in advance.

Hope you are doing well and no worries. Sorry for the late reply, your question is very interesting. I think my struggles are very different than when I was a teenager. My main struggles are related to impatience towards what Allah decreed for me and others around me and therefore slight comparison between me and others but also me and my old self if that makes sense. Sometimes I look back and feel like my old version was closer but Allah but in fact it was not, it's just a realistic illusion, truth is we are always improving as Muslims when we are putting ourselves in question and wondering how to manage ourselves better for our Akhirah, ofc that does not require only planning but also action. I feel like I also struggle now with lack of time management and being able to be consistent with non fardh act of worship, whereas it was no big deal when I was younger.

Honestly my biggest advice that works for me is to check yourself, observe yourself, what makes your imaan really go up, what makes you happy being Muslim, what makes your heart warm when you think about your faith, and even in those occasions where you feel like you lost the sense of Allah, do not stop trying because you might not feel it all the time but He is there, listening, welcoming you as no one can. There are many people of knowledge you can listen to or talk with, I do better with listening rather than reading but do what works best for you. You can be born a Muslim but you have to discover your religion for it to make sense to you. I am also a visual person, it helps me seeing that when I'm really finding it hard to hold on my religion, I'm actually holding on the rope of hope, a rope can be slippery sometimes but it will bring you safety for sure at least according to me.

This is my answer (I'm sleep deprived so excuse any typos or if what I said does not make sense). Whatever you would like to deepen, my dm is open sis 💚

#Have a fantastic week #And try to build the basics of your faith such as prayer trust and how you treat others #Worry about those main three and from there go forward Insh'Allah

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neverwritewhatyouknow · 2 years ago

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Hi! I came across your blog a couple of days back when I was going through the rwrb tag on tumblr and the perspectives you're sharing were new to me. I have a couple of questions and I promise I'm coming from a place of genuine curiosity and desire to learn, and not to attack you. There's a good chance I might inadvertently say something offensive because, tbh because of the places I've lived in, I have not had a chance to interact personally with any Jewish people. So my ignorance is probably, I admit, shamefully high. For eg, till I read your posts, I did not know about the existence of 'ethnic religions'. So a) sorry in advance if I offend you, b) I hope it's okay that I'm asking these questions. I did some reading over the past few days about Judaism and ethnoreligious groups. My understanding so far is - 1) Judaism accepts conversions 2) Children of mixed marriages can be considered Jewish, based on different rules for different denominations 3) Jewish people can have different racial and ethnic backgrounds (I assume this is a result of mixed heritages, conversions, non-traditional family structures, etc.) After I learnt all this, I'm a bit confused about the following - 1) Why is the assumption that the character Nora's ethnicity/appearance is what would 'traditionally' be associated with Judaism? Is there some mention in the book that she doesn't have African-American heritage? It's been a while since I did a thorough reading so it's very possible I've forgotten such a detail. 2) Do we know that the actor playing Nora is definitely Christian? Has she publicly stated any religious beliefs? Or is it an assumption? I'm wondering if there's a chance that one or both of the actor's parents are Jewish? Or maybe she's Jewish by descent but maybe doesn't practice the religion (my understanding is such people are still accepted as Jewish)? 3) Unless the actor has definitely stated that she practices another religion and is not Jewish by birth, is the expectation that a person has to be publicly open about their religious beliefs or ethnicity (since that's not always obvious by appearance)? If yes, I'm wondering if that sort of expectation is fair? Is it not the right of each person to share that information if and when they want to? I know there are plenty of people who do acknowledge this publicly, and then proceed to champion others of similar backgrounds, but maybe not everyone is in a position to be open about such information when they could be discriminated against, especially at a younger age/level of experience? Is it not unfair to expect them to speak publicly about this? (I have to admit that for this point, I'm thinking mainly from the perspective of sexuality and recent events like the pressure on Kit Connor, but I feel being open about religion/ethnicity is on the same level as sexuality - it's upto each individual). I'd love to know your thoughts about all this, and sorry again if I've said something ignorant/offensive. I promise I'm just trying to educate myself.

Hi!! Thank you so much for your ask! It’s always interesting to me to hear from people who don’t know about Jewish stuff or have never met many Jews, so welcome to the blog! I’m so glad I was able to spark some intrigue.

First, you educated yourself because you were curious. That’s awesome and not many people would do the same. So you deserve credit for that. Researching and asking questions to learn stuff is what I’m all about.

I’m gonna touch on what you said first and then move onto your questions. You are totally right with everything you researched. I just wanna elaborate on them a little more because they’ll help with answering your questions.

1. We do totally accept converts. I don’t actually know much about it besides it being a long/hard process because I’m Jewish from birth, but I know I have some followers who are converts who can talk more about that if you’d want them to. When someone converts in they become (in the eyes of many branches of Judaism) as Jewish as any other. Their kids would be Jewish by birth and they themselves would be seen as having joined the tribe.

2. Children from a marriage when one parent is Jewish and the other isn’t depends on a few factors. I’ll run through each. If the child’s mom is Jewish, the child is Jewish. The Jewishness is passed from mom to baby (take that patriarchy). If that child’s father is the Jewish one, then in the eyes of Reform (the only branch I can personally speak on, but also the one that’s the most chill and progressive so this is likely the bare minimum), the kid is Jewish as long as they’re raised exclusively (or nowadays at least very firmly) Jewish. Meaning, the family isn’t totally ignoring the Jewish side. In theory, the child would be raised 100% Jewish by said family to be seen as Jewish, but in practice a mixed-family would have Christmas and stuff, which is normal. But the key point is that the Jewishness is not ignored or avoided. It’s acted on. It’s not just shelved away. Like the kid wasn’t Baptized, they attend Friday night services, or the kid went to Hebrew school. It’s an active involvement. TLDR: Dad is Jewish, kid has to be raised Jewish.

3. Yes. Jews can be of any race. There is such a wide diversity and it’s honestly one of the things I really like about being Jewish. And it’s because you can have a race and an ethnicity at the same time. Someone can be Black and Jewish, or Asian and Jewish. One doesn’t take away from the other. It adds on. I mean, you could have multiple of each I guess. You could be the child of an Afro-Latino and Asian couple who’s Jewish, that’s like a whole bunch. And it’s awesome. It’s welcomed.

Okay question time. This is already so long haha sorry about that.

1. Nora’s “appearance” and if there was anything said about her being/not being African-American. In the book CMQ did use more stereotypical descriptions of Nora, and in an image she drew of Nora, she did have more stereotypical Jewish attributes. I’ll say this is due to Casey, probably much like yourself, not having much exposure to the wide world of Jews. They come from a highly religious background where on the daily, likely, they weren’t exposed to many if any Jews. So, any Jew to Casey would’ve been seen on TV or online or talked about, and for the most part, people tend to describe or show Jews more stereotypically (either kindly or… not). So Casey used what they knew when creating Nora. To Casey, Nora had paler skin, dark curly hair. She was Jewish because Casey wrote that she was. Literally “Nora is Jewish” was what they wrote. So, the answer to your question is that the appearance was written in by Casey, but that doesn’t mean in the movie she couldn’t be African-American. Like I said, you can 100% be Black and Jewish (that would’ve been some great rep for the very underrepped part of the Jewish community) the only issue with that for RWRB, is that they forgot that second part.

2. How do we know Rachel isn’t Jewish? We know with 100% certainty that Rachel isn’t Jewish. I have previous posts about this, but I’ll try to give you a very short rundown.

- In an interview her mom said she (Rachel) was volunteering a lot with their church.

- They are an active church going family. I’ve been told by someone who attended the same church that the family would go often. This is supported with the fact that: Mom worked for the church. Sister worked for the church. Grandparents worked for the church. Aunt on father’s side works for another church. (All this was found online by googling combinations of Rachel’s name and church, Christian, etc. All on the first page when looking.)

- Instagram: Picture of young RH (Rachel Hilson) at a Christmas Eve dance and then a lot more of her and the fam celebrating all the Christian holidays.

- During the peak of the Kanye stuff, RH posted an “I support my Jewish friends” story, but didn’t say anything else on that post. Basically saying she isn’t Jewish but supports them, and the caption on that actual post itself that she reposted said “If you don’t know what to say, say this.” She still never said a word herself about stopping antisemitism.

- Rachel has tweeted and Instagramed stuff that was very obviously Christian focused. Such as talk about the holidays, the Lord’s Prayer, etc.

That’s not all, but it’s all I can remember off the top of my head. I have a longer post where I say all this and more. But it’s clear that Rachel wasn’t raised Jewish religiously since her family isn’t, and she’s not Jewish ethnically since, again, her family isn’t. I don’t think she actively practices any religion now, but that doesn’t take away that she’s not Jewish. As far as her being of Jewish descent, if she does have any sort of ancestry, it’s not in her immediate history. Both sides of grandparents raised their families non-Jewish. I’ve researched this topic of Jewish descent myself, because I was curious what the thoughts were from others. I asked if people considered someone Jewish, if they were actively not Jewish and it hadn’t been that way in at least the better part of a century. The very conservative Jews think you’re never not a Jew, if your relative was Jewish in the 1300s but converted and nobody practiced or related to being Jewish ever again, you’re still a Jew. Most people believe that if you’re actively not Jewish, and from an actively non-Jewish family, and in no way/shape/form consider yourself Jewish… Then you’re not. It depends on how much of the Jewish laws you want to consider, but for a lot of people, having a Jewish relative from a century ago, but never actively being Jewish since and instead being a part of another religion who believes Jew are “unsaved”… You’re just not Jewish. You can convert back and you may have an easier time because you have some Jewish heritage. But again, just having some Jewish heritage doesn’t make you Jewish. It would be the same way if I said that I’m Portuguese. My family hasn’t lived in Portugal since the 1500s, but it’s my ancestry. Does that make sense? God that was long, sorry.

3. Rachel has explicitly said and shown she’s not Jewish. And I guess technically her mom did too in Rachel’s interview. It’s clearly known that she isn’t, and she doesn’t pretend to not be. So for the Rachel part of the question, she was already openly non-Jewish. For the second part, I don’t think an actor has to express religious beliefs. Religion is a personal thing, yet just about every single actor in the 21st century anyway is pretty open about it. And I mean, just by way of social media, they’re not going on talk shows to discuss it, but they’ll post a holiday picture or they’ll thank Jesus in an award speech or they’ll post something along those lines. And since the majority of people tend to belong to Christianity (it’s the global big one, not a surprise), things like that are pretty normal. There are plenty of articles online that talk about the religions and ethnicities of actors. Articles from reputable places not the dailymail type of ones. An actor is never forced to admit anything about their religion, but they’ll do it on their own. Ethnicity a lot of the time is visible— NOT all of the time, of course, but for many, they can’t not reveal that. Or it’s on their Wiki somehow. Actors doesn’t have to reveal their ethnicity either, but, and here’s a trade secret between you and me, actors who are open with their ethnicities get more roles. This is because when casting something a casting director might be like “I want someone of ******” and if an actor has that background, they can have that role. Keeping things a secret means less work. I’m not talking about sexuality, that’s a different story. Sexuality is inherently personal. Ethnicity is something people can either see, or it’s on public paperwork like the census, or it’s tied to your religion, or you have no reason to not say it. Discrimination for ethnicities exists, but for actors specifically, it’s a plus not a minus, especially for the already famous ones, because then they can be used even more and bring more money to your production. So, again, sexuality is different. Actors will already be open about their religions or ethnicities without even really thinking about it, it’s not as personal as sexuality. Especially for famous actors like Natalie Portman or Joey King or Lisa Edelstein, who if they say they’re Jewish and they then face discrimination, they’d be proof of that, which there isn’t. There is for non-famous ones, but that’s when your ethnicity shows and people don’t want that, but you can’t hide that.

- religion, people post and talk about like it’s no big deal.

- ethnicities are either visible or people use them for their own gain, or they don’t mind sharing.

Okay that was all really long. Comment, DM, or send another ask if you need anything clarified or you have any more questions. And don’t worry, nothing you said was offensive lol There’s a big difference between someone learning and possibly saying something untoward (which you didn’t) and someone being actively offensive. So you’re all good there!

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nfumbewalk · 26 days ago

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Them & Me

Work altar - a ritual with Rodolfo.

I'm being a dork and reflecting on my life & stupid exploits. I had a mini-breakdown (My 19th, Stones fans!) today. But seriously, bad day. Big fight with my husband. Thought I'd lose him. Dunno, he doesn't want to deal with my emotional crap anymore. I'm no fluffy kitten! I misbehave too much. I'm judging me, I'm not covering for a complete asshole. I'm the asshole. Klonopin turns me into a dick, no joke. Anyway, things are okay. We're 20 years in, think we're going anywhere? Nawww. 😂

I'm thinking of how different it is with muertos around me. It's mostly Rodolfo, but I get visitors too. I was sitting at Rodolfo's altar and I was glancing at the glass vase of water. I saw my dad's face! He was still older & bearded. I always had the thought that maybe ppl got to a younger state when they crossed over.

No, I was told that you remain your death age until elevation starts it's 2nd stage, which is called "Opening." It's this stage when the muerto can make more appearances, perhaps regularly - but only in fleeting glances, shadows, odors and minor disturbances like noises - footsteps or items falling down and occasional voices.

So why then do muertos have to wait to appear how they want to? It's all about what they did in certain stages of their life. There is judgement, no matter what religion, or no religion you are. There is this great cosmic force that helps people decide how they want to ruminate over the wrongdoings that they may have committed in life. Not everyone has done serious wrongs. These muertos go to the Grode. It's a place of stasis for them. Not in a bad way. They do not do duties, but they do visit the living, study & practice religion or their path, and generally ascend to the next step of elevation.

How does a muerto pay for wrongdoing? Duties. Helping tend to the place they stay, The Grode - but separate from the other muertos. This is kinda like limbo, a stasis. These muertos have duties, like I said. What do they do? It's their job to keep up the Grode's grounds, help other muertos, visit the living, and if they choose, practice their religion & study it and do their practices if they have any.

I said the muertos "pay" & there is "judgement" - not suffer pain eternally & burn in hell. Is having duties bad? Ya haven't made it to Freedom (Heaven) yet! People can be stuck in one of the 4 Stages of Elevation for a long time. I mean, lots of people haven't even Crossed Over because they haven't accepted their even dead!! My mom as an example. She died in 2006 & just barely accepted her death two years ago.

My dad accepted his death right away, was relieved, and Crossed earlier this year. He died August of last year. I've found that if a muerto in life was sick or in pain, not just old - elevation will be quick. I think my dad will be pretty fast. He was in a great deal of physical pain & had dementia - which broke my heart so much.

He worked so hard in steel & heavy equipment, foundries, and as a cook in restaurants to keep us off of food stamps. My parents didn't like sponging off the government. My dad was a simple country boy who didn't really match weird as fuck Portland, Ore. Though I grew up a city gal, I hate Portland now.

Sorry, guess I miss my parents. It's hard not having many living relatives. Though I could try to find some in Germany?!? Lol! Just realizing my family line has ended. Hopefully my son has children. All i have is my stupid atheist brother. Love him but his Adderall is melting his brain.

All of my talking about muertos & Elevation, the Grode, etc is to my knowledge truthful. Lorkane has said many many things that have come true for me, even as a child. I didn't know of Lorkane's name until recently. Just thought, "Oh! Intuition!" Naw, it was Lorkane. Durrr. "The Inevitable Spirit Guide" that I used to dread.

Well, dearies. Going to rest.

M.M. 💖💀💖

Did I capture the topic? Or did I slide too much? Post a comment! 😊

#muerto #necromancy #witchy vibes #witchblr #witch aesthetic #witchcraft #goth

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chelleztjs18 · 2 years ago

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Hello miss sickly one. 😅 well, you gotta make sure that you're not overdoing things. We don't want you ending up worst than before

And no, an emergency came up and I had to take my cat to the hospital. Unfortunately she passed away last night, so I was a mess.

And yeah I am. But apparently people still assume I am straight when in public. All my friends and family know though.

Ah so your crush is younger than you? Is she from Oklahoma too?

Of course I am curious haha it is my nickname 😉

Do you believe in reincarnation? Or the afterlife?

Are you a religious person?

- CuriousGeorge

Hello you! Good morning! Sorry i didnt feel well last night, so i laid down the whole day n then fell asleep a lot.

How r u feeling? I am so so sorry that ur cat passed. I know how it feels losing a pet. For me pets are bestfriends. So i know it must be hard. N i apologize that i replied this late n couldnt show u how much i trully feel bad about ur cat. I hope u r holding up pretty well 😔. Virtual hugs for u, my dear.

Oh thats good that all ur friends n families know, thats what matters. All of them r okay with it if u dont mind me asking? From where i from its still kinda hard to be accepted but last time i went home it seems there are more people more open about it,hopefully it gets better there.

I'm not really open. Nobody in my family knows. Only a few of my friends know but they all already moved. But of course all the friends i know from here know. 😆

Yes, she is younger n no, she's not from oklahoma.

Hahahha yes curious george is ur nickname, i have a reason calling u that.lol.

Also, i forgot to answer ur question from previous ask, my favorite bday celebration was my 30th, because my husband took me on a cruise for it to cozumel,grand cayman island and jamaica n also for valentine's day.

Reincarnation, maybe, kinda believe it but not really. Same with afterlife, kinda believe it but not really. I believe heaven n hell..do u believe in ghosts?

I'm not a religious person but i hv a strong believe n faith in my religion,God n Jesus. If that makes sense? I meant, nothing will change my faith but i dont go to church every weeks. But i pray n i believe in the power prayers.

For me personally, people created church. I believe that God answer ur prayers whereever u pray at not only from the church. N i think going to church doesnt meant u r a good person or do good. Doesnt go to church, it doesnt mean u r a bad person either. I see there are people still cursing or talk shit about other right after they r done going to church.haha. dont get me wrong, there r good people who goes to church. I just dont like the hypocrisy. Its all about doing good. Sorry if i ramble, iwas trying to explain. I hope this doesnt change u how u see me. Im not a bad person, but im not an angel/saint either.😅😆 i believe in doing good whenever u can whereever u r.

Are u a religious person?

Also next questions if u r ready.

Cheerio!

#chellez answers #ask answered #anon answered #curious george anon

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xiaq · 3 years ago

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Hi, I have a question re:sex and Christianity. Small background: I still go to church, and I still live with my parents even though I'm not much younger than you, because housing is very very expensive where I live (pretty common here, I would say about 2/3 of my friends live with their parents and we are decently privileged kids)

Anyway. How does one get over purity culture? To be clear, I've never been told in church not to have sex, I've never gotten the gendered lessons that you got. But I am terrified of having sex. My first real, multi-year relationship just ended and while there was hand stuff etc, there was never any p in v sex (lol I feel 12). But I still had insane anxiety about being pregnant despite being on bc. And I think its because I know my parents would be so disappointed if I had sex. And if I was pregnant I could imagine all the gossip. And honestly I think im from a pretty open church, b/c one of our previous ministers kids recently got married at 8 months pregnant and lots of church people were at the wedding and supportive and her parents were there and everything.

I dont even think I particularly like sex, i might be on the ace spectrum, but how do I remove it from all the anxiety that's tied to it so I can even give myself the chance to find out???

(Asking because it seems like you've been pretty open about purity culture/removing yourself from it)

CW for sex talk (again)

How does one get over purity culture?

Oh man. That really is the million-dollar question, huh? Obviously, I can only answer re my personal experiences, and this is something you should talk to a therapist about, but I can tell you how I’ve tackled it with my therapist at least.

Purity culture is, at its core, an ideology that is perpetuated by shame. If you’re indoctrinated into purity culture when you’re a kid, the concepts become baked into the way you construct your identity, your perception of self, and your perception of your sexuality. It’s practically intrinsic, by the time you’re an adult, to feel shame any time you’re reminded you have a body, much less a sexuality.

According to the chapels I sat through every week as a kid, a girl's body could be 3 things: an intentional stumbling block for men, an accidental stumbling block for men, or unnoticeable. Women were to strive for the third option so as to keep their (and their male friends/authority figures) purity intact. After all, if a boy, or even your male teacher, had impure thoughts about you, it was your fault for tempting them (which, holy shit. I still can’t believe that was a thing I bought into for so long. If my 45 yr old grown-ass teacher had impure thoughts because he could see my 12 yr old collarbone, that sure as hell wasn’t my fault. But I digress.) The Only time a woman’s body can be something else, is when she gives it to her husband, at which point she must suddenly flip the switch in her brain that she is now allowed to be a Sexual Being and she must perform Sexual Duties despite living in outright fear of her own body and sexuality for years (decades?) up until this point. Jesus take the wheel.

Purity culture isn’t a thing you can just decide to walk away from if you’ve grown up in it. Because its ideology is insidious and internalized. So first you need to submit to the fact that you’re going to be fucked up about sex. It sounds like you’re there. Second, you need to interrogate what you believe. If you’re leaving religion behind entirely, you’ll approach removing yourself from purity culture differently than if you still identify as a Christian. It sounds like you might be the latter, which meant, for me, separating what’s actually biblical and what’s shitty, contrived, doctrine that I was told is biblical but is actually more political than spiritual. This helps you address the shame issue.

You need to throw away I Kissed Dating Goodbye and Lady in Waiting and all those ridiculous books you read and reread in the hopes of somehow obtaining impossible marriage perfection and look into actual scripture interpreted within its historical context. I could write a book on this, but the TL;DR is that the text of the Bible was written, translated, curated, and changed multiple times over thousands of years by human beings with human biases and, often, personal and/or political agendas. It contradicts itself! Reading it as it is—a flawed historical document—rather than some sort of God-breathed perfect document—is incredibly freeing. When you do, you’ll probably realize that purity culture is bullshit on a spiritual level. Which is a good start, if that matters to you. Because any time you start to feel shame or guilt you can ask yourself: does God actually care if I wear a bikini or touch a dick I’m not married to? Probably not. Wear the bikini. Touch the dick.

The most important therapy session for me was when my therapist asked what I would do if I got to heaven and God was actually the God I’d been raised to fear. What would I do if he condemned me for being bisexual and having premarital sex and becoming educated, for arguing with men, and failing to isolate while menstruating, and wearing mixed fabrics? If Montero had come out at the point, I probably would have said I’d pole dance down to hell. Instead, I said I would spit on heaven’s gates. If a god that cruel and that pointlessly demeaning really exists—a god who would create in me condemned desire—I won't worship him. The good news is, I’m 99% sure he doesn’t exist. At the very least, he isn’t supported by scripture.

Okay. The final thing you need to do is figure out what you actually want, sexually speaking. This bit is probably the hardest. I’m still in the early stages of this myself. You say: “I dont even think I particularly like sex, i might be on the ace spectrum, but how do I remove it from all the anxiety that's tied to it so I can even give myself the chance to find out???” Bro, I wish I had an easy answer for you. For me, whenever I’m feeling anxious about Sex Things, I tell myself: 1. My God does not equate my worth to my sexual habits. 2. My partner does not equate my worth to my sexual habits. 3. I do not equate my worth to my sexual habits. It seems silly, but reminding myself of those three things is massively helpful. If, after I’ve sorted through those, I’m still anxious or uncomfortable, I stop doing the thing. I evaluate. Am I overwhelmed and I need to try again some other time? Do I just not like the thing? Sometimes it’s hard to tell. Sometimes you change your mind. Sometimes you just don’t know. That’s why having a partner who you trust and who’s willing to patiently explore your interests (and respect your disinterests) is so important. Half the battle, for me, was having a partner who told me they’d be ok with no sex at all. Because that took the pressure off me. If the bare minimum they need is nothing, then anything more than that is a bonus! Hooray! This is maybe TMI, but let me tell you. I thought I was asexual* right up until I was able to have moderately non-anxious sex. Never in my life did I think I would initiate a sexual situation but… I do now. It’s a fun thing to do with a person I love and, holy shit. I am furious that I nearly missed out on it.

Finally, re birth control: I don’t know how you can approach that fear in a way that works for you. If you don’t want to ever have penetrative sex, that’s fine! If that’s a point of anxiety you can’t get rid of, then don't push yourself to do it. If you find out you like other sex things, do the other sex things! If you don't like doing any sex things, don't do any sex things! Also, have you considered sleeping with people who can’t get you pregnant? Always an option if it’s an option you want to consider. ;)

Okay. I hope this was even a little bit helpful. Sorry if it’s a little convoluted, I typed it up in bursts during my work breaks.

*This is not at all to say that asexuality can be “fixed." Rather, it’s to say that things like purity culture can drastically confuse your sexuality in general. If you’re asexual, then this process is still important to discover what you like/dislike. Then you can be explicit about those necesities and find a partner who’s a good fit (if you want a partner at all, that is).

#purity culture #sex talk #christianity #sex and relationships #sex and religion #mylife #answered asks #aspec #cw sex

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