#I'm so sorry this is so long but it is actually impossible to shorten it

[aresianrepose]

Before the semester kicks off and murders me, @disniq​ asked for my essay on Jason Todd and hysteria. So, without further ado, here is an actual essay (fucking dissertation) because I refuse brevity. It is extremely long. I’ve split it into sections so you can find the section header and read what you want. This does not encompass all the narrative trauma themes and lived experiences that this boy holds, just specifically hysteria. 

Jason Todd, The Hysteric & Bruce Wayne, The Batman

I think it’s a common reading that Jason Todd is girl-coded and the patron saint of victims, at least within the circle that I’ve fallen into within this fandom. There are plenty of meta discussions on why those readings stand, so I’m not going to reiterate them. A pillar of him being girl-coded and someone trauma survivors have latched onto as one of our own has to do with being written in the context of hysterical femininity. And let me just say, I don’t think that writing was done in a way that he was intentionally coded as hysterical, but it is a function of our patriarchal society that this coding was used on him albeit without the explicit purpose of writing a hysteric story. 

For the purpose of this post: the word woman includes ciswomen, transwomen, and any person who is socially positioned as a woman regardless of gender identity. I include the positionality here because anyone can experience misogyny and sexism depending on the perception of the perpetrators either interpersonally or systemically. 

The History and Context of Hysteria

To understand the context, we have to look at the history and oppression of hysteria. Hysteria (in the modern context of psychology) emerged in the nineteenth century and is difficult to define by design and often applied to traumatized, unruly, and broken women. The main patriarchs who contributed to hysterical study were Jean-Martin Charcot and Sigmund Freud. I only mention this because it’s important to know their names moving forward for any of this to make sense. The beginning of this started with Charcot literally putting women whose lives had been marked by rape, abuse, exploitation, and poverty on display in his Tuesday lectures (which were open to the public) to show his findings on hysteria. This was actually seen as restoring dignity (fucking yikes) to the women because before Charcot these hysterical women were cast aside and not treated at all. In Charcot’s work, the women’s speech was seen as simply “vocalization” and their inner lives, their stories, their words, were silenced. After hearing a woman cry for her mother during one of the public sessions Charcot remarked, ��Again, note these screams. You could say it’s a lot of noise over nothing” (Herman). 

This led to Freud, Charcot’s student, wanting to surpass his teacher by discovering the cause of hysteria. This was disastrous. Freud started with listening to the hysterics. In doing so, he learned and believed them about the abuse, rape, and exploitation of their pasts. He then published his work and gave a lecture on it. The work rivals even contemporary psychological work on trauma in it’s level of compassion, understanding, and treatment of survivors. However, he was then labeled a feminist (this was all happening during the first wave of feminism) and professionally ostracized. How in the world could these aristocratic French men be sexually abusing their wives, sisters, and daughters??? Insanity, truly. And... This always fucking gets me. He recanted his work and then told his patients they all imagined it because they wanted to be sexually abused by their husbands, brothers, and fathers. This set back the study of trauma by literally a century. One colleague called his work “a scientific fairy-tale” simply because he had the audacity to believe victims. Also, I want to point out that the famous hysteria case during this time was the case of Anna O and she was ultimately villainized by the entire psychological community for going into crisis after her care provider abruptly ended their therapeutic relationship after two years of DAILY sessions. 

Anyway. We can see how the power of these men over vulnerable women silenced, pathologized, villainized, infantilized, and used male ‘logic’ to completely destroy their credibility and lives under the guise of care and hysteria. Even when credible men lend their expertise and voices to the victims, their voices are silenced. This particular iteration of hysteria lasted over a century, and we are still dealing with the consequences of these actions and ideas within our social construction, medical and mental health care, interpersonal relationships, and more. Patriarchal pillars such as hysteria don’t die. We saw it move from hysteria to schizophrenia (which used to have the same symptoms of hysteria before the diagnosis changed in more contemporary psychology) after this which led to widespread lobotomies and electroshock therapy (my least favorite case of a lobotomy being done is on a woman who was diagnosed with LITERALLY ‘narcissist husband’) to depression in the 40s-50s with the over prescription of benzodiazepines to house wives to keep them in a zombie state (these prescriptions were sometimes double and triple what we take today with the intent of medical catatonia). In my opinion, as well as other counselors within the feminist therapy theoretical orientation, we are currently seeing it with the emergence of borderline-personality disorder. Think about how BPD is treated and demonized for a second. I professionally know therapists who refuse to work with BPD clients due to this villainization and just fucking gross perception of victims.

These are just the highlights, but it shows the history of hysteria. There have been centuries of women being marked as hysterical and the cures have ranged from lobotomy to bed rest (which sounds not so bad but read the Yellow Wallpaper and get back to me on that one). While the Yellow Wallpaper is fictional, the life behind it was not. After the traumatic birth of her child the author, Charlotte Perkins Gilman, was remanded to bed rest by the authority of her husband and doctor. Within the sphere of medical control, hysterical women are often treated as children while their doctors make decisions for their mental well-being without consulting them, or they hide the truth of their procedures for “the woman’s own good” and because “she’s hysterical and wouldn’t comprehend the logical need for this.” She then had a mental break due to the treatment. Again, we see hysterical women being silenced, infantilized, discredited from their own experiences, and under the narrative control of male logic and voices. 

Hysterical women have often historically been seen as beneath men, except for when they’re dangerous. Listening to victims is inherently threatening to the status quo because all trauma comes from a systemic framework. The framework that upholds patriarchal power. It’s easy to see why that would be seen as dangerous to powerful men. We saw this with the European witch genocide in which oppressed women were targeted and wiped out under the excuse of what was considered women’s work. (Before this time, witchcraft wasn’t tied to any religion and was mostly just seen as women’s work. It was targeted specifically to have an excuse to persecute widows, homeless, disabled, and vulnerable women who no longer had men to reign over them during a time of political unrest and scarce resources). This time period saw hysterical and traumatized women demonized as dangerous, evil, immoral, hypersexual, and supernaturally wily. A threat to the moral fabric of society. 

(Interesting history side note: this caused the view of women’s base traits we have today. It stemmed from the Victorian era that came after this time period in which women learned if they behaved a certain way, they would be spared the stake. For example, before the witch trials, women were actually seen as the ones with unsatiable sexual appetites, something we culturally prescribe to men now.) 

Notice how none of this has to do with the actual abuse that happens to the women, but instead the labeling and treatment of women when they are already showing the symptoms of abuse, trauma, control, exploitation, and rape. 

Jason Todd, The Hysteric

So, how does this relate to Jason Todd? To say that Jason has experienced trauma would be an understatement. Extreme poverty, loss of parent to death and addiction, loss of parent to the justice system, parental abuse, manipulation, witnessing violent crimes, witnessing the aftermath of sexual abuse and assault, arguably (not explicit in the text) his own sexual trauma, witnessing the dead bodies of victims, a violent death, and subsequently a violent resurrection. There’s also an argument to be made for being a child soldier and how that is romanticized up until he dies, but the text does not treat this as traumatizing.

Now, I’m not going to dive into the trauma he experienced. The purpose of this is only to look at how he’s framed as hysterical in the narrative, and as I stated, hysteria was a word slapped on women after they tried to talk about their trauma or exhibited symptoms (or were just unruly women). Jason does embody many facets of the victim experience and this is just one of them. 

Feelings vs “logic” - Firstly, it is really hard to talk calmly about things that you carry, your experiences, your trauma, and things that specifically harm you. It is easy to talk calmly about things that don’t. This is why there is an abuse tactic of gaslighting or silencing victims by framing their very real reactions to harm or their triggers as abuse, this is known as “reactive abuse.” This tactic is also employed in oppressive settings where the privileged group will often default to ‘winning’ a debate by being able to remain calm while the marginalized group whose life, personhood, etc is being harmed by the things being discussed and are unable to have a sterilized, emotionless debate. 

Both of these settings fit Jason nicely within the moral context of vigilante comics. He fought back, he didn’t lay down, and he will do what he deems as necessary to protect himself and others from his fate. This, however, is framed by Bruce and others as being just as bad as his murderer or even just as bad as Joe fucking Chill. To put this in perspective of a real world equivalent. Combine every billionaire on this planet into one person and instead of their shitty business practices murdering people, they did it with their own two hands. And due to their resources and political power, they would never, ever stop killing or be reasonably contained. More people would die with absolute 100% certainty. Would killing that one person make you equally bad as that person or violating the sanctity of life? That’s the moral question that Bruce puts onto Jason. While the moral question inherent to Jason is actually, is there a line worth crossing to provide reasonable safety (for yourself or the nameless community)? There is actually a difference between those two questions and the reactive abuse framing is certainly a choice. Also, it is funny to me that a man with the amount of power Bruce has (and frequently misuses) can lecture a murder victim on the misuse of power and morality. Are we supposed to be agree with his stoic, philosophical lecturing to a marginalized, abused, murder victim? (yes, we are). Bruce leverages (personal) philosophy against victim’s voice for their own safety, and take a wild guess which one is framed as logical and reasonable.

Jason’s morals come secondary to Bruce’s philosophy in a universe where there is still harm being done (but it’s an acceptable harm). Why is killing the line? Bruce is regularly destroying families and lives by feeding them into the prison industrial complex while supporting it with his whole chest. Or he’s disabling and seriously maiming people with the level of violence he uses. 

Crying - Throughout the entire story of Under the Red Hood, we never once see Bruce emote while interacting with Jason outside of tight grimaces. With the exception of the shock he shows at the Joker’s life being threatened, which... Okay, suuure. We never see him cry during any of their interactions, but we do see Jason cry. Specifically, we see him crying when he’s at his most emotionally vulnerable and physically dangerous to the toxic male power fantasy. This kind of vulnerability is rarely shown by male characters, and when it is, it’s usually done with a mist of a tear in their eyes or their face is hidden. There are a few narrative devices that allow men to cry, but they are the exception rather than the rule. Usually, it’s to play for laughs, infantilize, or emasculate. Here, we see Jason combine the violence of a bad victim, bucking the system of power, and fully crying. Just slide right into that hysterical coding like a glove. Jason often shows his feelings entirely. Time and time again, the readers have seen Jason have breakdowns, cry, and be overcome with grief. This is tied to his portrayal as hysterical and unstable in the narrative, but in actuality it shows his capacity for love and how vastly impactful his death was. 

This fits nicely with the next point that Jason fits into the hysterical box. Love is framed as one of his key faults. A son reaching for his father. 

Love - One of Jason’s defining features is the amount of love and compassion he holds. He’s willing to put up with any treatment, shoulder blame, and sacrifice himself for others to almost an unhealthy degree. However, this doesn’t extend to what he defines as his baseline safety. This one line of safety is the one thing that can’t be crossed, even with all of the love he feels for his father. He desperately wants to feel connection, have a family, and be loved in return with the same unwavering ferocity love that he gives. This is such a fucking key part of the victim experience, especially victims of childhood trauma. The desperation to just be chosen. He’s raw and honest with his reasonable expectation for love to provide safety for him and that is framed as hysterical, needy, unstable, naive, and fucking childish. Victims know what they need to have safety, and this framing as Bruce knowing what’s best for Jason and literally giving a cold shoulder to his needs is disgusting. 

Less than - Jason is portrayed as less powerful than Bruce even though they have similar expertise. There are so many instances of this that if you just open any media they both appear in, you can close your eyes, point, and land on an example. It makes me die laughing every time I remember that the Arkham games made Jason just one inch shorter than Bruce. Like, they can’t even be the same fucking height, that’s the level of insecure masculinity surrounding this relationship. Jason cannot and will never be able to be on par with Bruce because of his hysterical femininity and the power of Bruce being the self insert for the toxic male power fantasy. This power dynamic applies to the other batkids as well, but specifically in Jason’s case there is an element of hysteria. The reasons change because he’s so inconsistently written but usually he can’t surpass or even meet a stalemate with Bruce because he’s too emotional, he’s unstable, traumatized, and simply Bad. It’s even explicitly stated by Alfred in Under the Red Hood. 

Victim blaming - Jason deserved to die because he didn’t follow orders. Jason deserved to die for not following his training. Jason deserved to die because he was an angry Robin (oh no a child had an appropriate reaction to sexual violence). Jason deserved to die for being human.

Infantilization - Jason is repeatedly infantilized in contrast to Bruce. When given the ultimatum at the end of UtRH, Bruce speaks to Jason like a child, or a bad dog. Ordering him to do things like, “enough!” or “stop this now.” Bruce knows what’s best for Jason (and for everyone in the entire world), we should really just take his word for it and not the victim’s. Imagine staring at a 6 foot wall of a man and scolding him like a child. Beyond that, as mentioned above, his views of love and safety are framed as childish. Even though they are actually leaning more toward collectivism rather than the rampant individualism that Bruce so strongly defers to. (also, just a side note, collectivistic methods in healing from trauma is actually the only scientifically reliable way to heal. Every other method has absolutely abysmal results and higher rates of relapses.)

Silenced and Safety Villainized - Jason is silenced in his own story, acceptable and honored when he was dead and met with vitriol in life. All of the love given to him as Robin turns to ash as soon as he collides with Bruce’s power and morals. I think any survivor can relate to the experience of being told that what happened to them was a long time ago and it’s time to move on. Or even that they’re leveraging their own safety to get what they want in a manipulative way. Regardless of whether or not there was any accountability or justice for the harm done to them. Alfred asks Bruce if he should remove Jason’s memorial in the cave like two seconds after learning of his resurrection because Jason’s methods of securing safety for himself and using his own voice to define his story. Bruce was able to tell Jason’s story when he died. He was able to memorialize, grieve, and ultimately define Jason’s story because Jason wasn’t there to speak for himself. When Jason does speak for himself, he is villainized and literally stripped of his past significance as Robin (or a good victim) by Alfred within seconds. This is reflected in real life with adoptee advocates speaking about how adoption is unethical/harmful/traumatizing and subsequently being framed as ungrateful, selfish, etc. They were little perfect victims without voices before they grew up and could speak for themselves.

Erased - Gestures at the entirety of how Jason is either talked about or completely erased during the 90s Tim Robin run. He wasn’t convenient to talk about, as victims rarely are. This also ties into how Steph’s death was erased and Babs was written like she “won” at trauma by simply... beating it??? 

Dangerous - Jason is framed as threatening the basic fabric of society (in a story with vigilantes this is hard to do, so they have him oppose the no-kill rule, and then doubled down on Bruce’s characterization of no-killing). Anything that bucks the status-quo is usually marked as villainous in mainstream vigilante/superhero comics, but this is a step beyond that into the interpersonal and political sphere. Hysterical women are often framed as dangerous, villains, snakes, and treacherous (the other side of this coin is weak, pathetic, and pitiable) because they are victimized and then have the audacity to do something to the system about it. Whether that be the system of their immediate families or the political sphere. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that Jason was paired with Talia in Lost Days to hammer this point home to the reader. It could’ve just as easily been anyone with access to the Pit that rescued him, but no, we had DC’s favorite brown, treacherous, venomous, female punching bag. 

Bruce Wayne, The Batman

Bruce fits well into the father, enforcer, and logical man slot in Jason’s hysterical story. There is a history of ownership throughout women’s history when it comes to their subjugation to men. Women actually couldn’t be put on trial before the witchcraft genocide because they weren’t seen as legally a person. Their male owner would be put on trial instead. Women would go from being owned by their fathers to their husbands after entering marriage, the most dangerous woman being one who isn’t owned (orphaned, widowed). Bruce does treat (and even thinks) about Jason like he’s something that he owns. He’s his protege, his son, and his responsibility. 

The narrative function of Bruce as a perpetrator in Jason’s story. 

“The perpetrator asks the bystander (reader) to do nothing. He appeals to the universal desire to see, hear, and speak no evil. The victim, on the contrary, asks the bystander (reader) to share the burden of pain. The victim demands action, engagement and remembering” (Herman). 

Bruce does remember what happened to Jason. He keeps a permanent memorial to his dead son. However, this doesn’t translate into any kind of tangible action. He doesn’t do anything to actually stop the murderer who took his son’s life and he continues to throw child soldiers at the problem of crime (how many children have died for the sake of his no-kill rule at this point?). When met with the reality of his inaction, he fits into the perpetrator’s role like a glove:

“In order to escape accountability for his crimes, the perpetrator does everything in his power to promote forgetting. Secrecy and silence are the first line of defense... If secrecy fails, the perpetrator attacks the credibility of his victim. If he cannot silence her absolutely, he tries to make sure that no one listens... From the most blatant denial to the most sophisticated and elegant rationalization... One can expect to hear the same predictable apologies: it never happened; the victim exaggerates; the victim brought it upon herself; and in any case it’s time to forget the past and move on. The more powerful the perpetrator, the greater his prerogative to name and define reality, the more completely his arguments prevail” (Herman). 

I think it is simply fact at this point that Bruce is the head patriarch in Gotham if not, arguably, in the entirety of DC. That level of power in the narrative cannot be ignored, especially when faced with the very real, screaming voice of a victim that Bruce uses all of that power to silence. Bruce, because of his status as patriarch, default protagonist, and self-insert for the toxic male power fantasy, has the ultimate power to name and define reality. Especially to the reader. Bruce doesn’t deny what happened to Jason, because that’s physically impossible to do. But what he does do is ensure that no one listens to Jason, discredits him, and rationalizes his own inaction, actions of violence towards Jason, and victim blames.

Here’s Bruce using the most base form of denial and victim blaming:

After this panel, Bruce also revokes Dick’s access to his childhood home simply for asking a question.

This theme extends to other members of the batfam because of Bruce’s narrative power over them. It’s why we can’t have Dick, Steph, Babs, or even Damian step in and relate to Jason’s trauma or vindicate him. Even when we, the readers, can see parallels and wonder why these conversations or bonds aren’t forming. Jason HAS to be a lone wolf because he is hysterical and a threat to the system of power. This also shows why most of his runs in group settings outside of the batfam fall apart or fall flat. If he was humanized by any other character or had his trauma validated in any actionable way, it would be recognizing the failure of the toxic male power fantasy. The readers are not supposed to see the flaw in this system that allows the bodies of children to pile up and sympathize with one of their voices. It would be a crack in the system of power that exists not only in the source material, but very much within our real world.

Side note: Jason is allowed to interact with others in a wholesome and validating way when he no longer threatens the systemic power of Bruce. When he is silenced by the writers and plays the “nice victim” (like Babs does), he is allowed connection. Only when his healing is done in a way that doesn’t demand action and is only his personal responsibility (gotta love the rampant individualism). If he is hysterical, demands action, and asks for someone to be held accountable for his death, he is shoved away into a lone wolf box. Examples: Gotham Knights (from my very basic understanding, I haven’t played the game, only seen play throughs) and WFA. Victims are acceptable if they do their healing in a neat little box and stay there, but hysterics are the ones who step outside of that box.

Red Hood, The Political Voice of Hysteria and Trauma

Red Hood is deeply political in terms of hysteria and trauma. Herman stated that victims and those that authentically care for them or listen to them intently (whether that be interpersonally, clinically, or professionally) are silenced, ostracized, and discredited. Survivors need a social context that supports the victim and that joins the victim and witness in a common alliance. On an interpersonal level this looks like family, friends, and loved ones. However, trauma is systemic and the social context mentioned above must also be given on a wider social scale. For this to be done, there had to be systemic change and political action. Jason had the interpersonal social support and witnesses to his trauma ripped from him by Bruce. So, we see him move onto a systemic level of addressing trauma in his own political way. He literally cannot escape Bruce and this constant trigger because of Bruce’s philosophy and just... fucking power to define reality... being re-enforced constantly in DC no matter where he tries to go. So, he tries to heal by taking the systemic issue of perpetrators who cannot be held accountable or have fallen through the cracks of accountability into his own hands in a very personal way. A one man political movement.

Whether his methods are moral or ethical doesn’t really matter in the overall framing him as hysteric. He simply has to be opposed by the male power fantasy in some significant way. This shows that the goals, needs, and work towards victim’s and the marginalized’s freedom is dangerous, doomed to fail, and ultimately unethical if the victim is framed in a villain light instead of the more pathetic/pitiable iteration of hysteria. 

You can see how this is not only problematic but also reflects the real world values instilled in arguments against human rights movements (which are intrinsically tied to victims rights). Defunding the police is dangerous, the MeToo movement is dangerous, abolition is dangerous, trans rights are dangerous, etc etc etc. Think of the victims voices tied to each of these movements and how they are integral to the real change offered by these political movements. You can’t have human rights violations without creating victims. And you can’t have political movements surrounding human rights without listening to victims.

We can also see how the individuals within these movements are ostracized, villianized, and often silenced (sometimes ultimately silenced with death) because they rally against the systems of power that victimized them. The framing of traumatized, vulnerable people as hysterical is integral to upholding the system of power that traumatizes and harms them.

A popular comic book movie adaptation that highlights the importance of Jason’s hysterical framing and how it impacts the political narrative/how he is written is V for Vendetta. To be fair, it received an insane amount of backlash by conservatives (not within leftist or liberal spaces) for V’s methods in over throwing fascism, but only because of the movie’s release date being so close to 9/11. V and Jason have many parallels, it’s only the lack of hysterical framing that makes V more palatable to the viewer. We are told, not shown through behavior, that V is traumatized by his past and he does not pick a fight with the protagonist that functions as a toxic male power fantasy. He is the protag, with his version of Bruce being men who are not framed in a sympathetic, heroic, or relatable light. 

Additionally, there is literally an unemoting mask standing between the viewer and V, whereas Jason takes off his helmet to allow the reader to see every aspect of his trauma and pain. V readily dehumanizes himself into an idea, rather than a person. Whereas Jason screams to be seen as a person in a very hysterical way. So, we can see how the framing of Jason as hysteric against the logical, heroic man greatly impacts how the audience reads him when contrasted by a very similar political story/character who uses similar (and arguably more violent) methods to meet his ends. (This just made me realize that I would die for a Jason adaptation written by the Wachowski sisters). 

Jason’s work as Red Hood is seeped in leftist, victim, and community centered politics. His portrayal as a hysterical antagonist (at best an anti-hero) is rooted in misogyny and upholding patriarchal, capitalist, and the prison industrial complex systems of power. He is the righteous embodiment of “the personal is political” for victims. Even his Robin run draws attention to and shows correct, angry reactions to the system of patriarchal power in sexual violence.

Patriarchal Writing and Enforcement

Jason is girl-coded and hysterical because he’s supposed to be emasculated, discredited, and disliked by the reader. He serves the narrative function of boosting the toxic male power fantasy of Bruce and in doing so, the writers use one of the oldest tropes in the book (one that we have all subconsciously been taught since birth) to get the reader on their side. Make him a hysterical woman. 

References: for anyone interested in furthering their understanding of any of the concepts mentioned above and to, you know, use sources for my own writing.

Barstow, A. Witchcraze

Bondi, L., Burman. E. Women and Mental Health: A Feminist Review

Freud, S. The Aietology of Hysteria

Gilman, C. P. The Yellow Wallpaper

Herman, J. Trauma and Recovery

Ussher, J. The Madness of Women.

Van der Kolk, B. The Body Keeps the Score

Wilkin, L., Hillock, S. Enhancing MSW Students’ Efficacy in Working with Trauma, Violence, and Oppression: An Integrated Feminist-Trauma Framework for Social Work Education

[wave2tyun]

cool hot sweet love | ☆

pairing: barista!beomgyu x fem!reader, surfer!yeonjun x fem!reader

genre: summer!au, lovetriangle!au, fluff, romance, a tiny bit of angst?

summary: embarking on a journey towards self-discovery, you didn’t expect to also have your heart tangled in an alluring summer romance. but, who’s gonna be the first to win your heart? the sweet barista, beomgyu, or the charming surfer boy, yeonjun? let the love games begin!

warnings : alcohol consumption, a few swear words, minor injury, (almost) drowning

word count: almost 10k + the endings are like 1k each

a/n: i've been feeling super nostalgic about this fic recently (it's one of the very first i've written!! :0), so here it is back again in all it's glory!!!! this is too long for me to search through for any mistakes i'm sorry asbjdha for all my summer enthusiasts, let's hang in there just a little bit more, this one goes out to y'all!!!!😼😼💞

☆ = repost from my old blog!!

at the end of your final year of high school, you found yourself chasing a dream, a dream that was never truly yours to begin with. competitions and grades never seemed to bring you any satisfaction anymore. your parents’ praises didn’t seem enthusiastic either, but rather an automatic response. you felt completely lost. the one thing that seemed to give you the drive to keep on going, suddenly lost its spark. you were living in a greyed out world, having the same exhausting routine over and over again. you wanted a break from it all. for once, you didn’t long for the pressure or the big goals, but simply for living life just as it was. you wanted an escape from the clutches of mundane life, which is why you chose to swallow your pride and opt for a gap year after graduation. you knew your parents well, and you weren’t expecting them to be happy about your decision. they didn’t want to let their “dream daughter” fall down from the top and watch as everybody else around her were working on their way to success. but what they failed to consider was that success is in no way linear, and that your break was in the end substantial for your wellness. you were very lucky to have a friend like yeji in your life though. she did have her own struggles with academic validation as well, yet she never had any pressure coming from her parents. she wanted to be there for you, and made her parents persuade yours about letting you have a gap year with her. to raise the ball even higher, her parents added one condition: should you have a gap year, you weren’t allowed to remain in the city. instead, you were going to stay at their vacation home, at least for the summer, to let you experience the thrill of the unknown, as well as to help you get a breath of fresh air.

you didn’t know what kind of black magic yeji’s family used, but whatever they did, somehow managed to convince your parents to agree to your proposal. finally, you felt like you had found some motivation to keep on pushing through, making your heart fill up with excitement.

as the number of days leading up to your departure shortened, you were meeting up more and more with yeji for your final preparations. your sleepovers consisted of the two of you giggling while packing and making lists, as well as making up scenarios deep into the night about things that could finally “bring some spice” into your lives. even though it was her own family’s house, yeji hasn’t been there in years. she was living under the impression that a holiday there would just be “a distraction from her studies” or “a waste of time”. however, now that you were both free from that brainwashing hell called school, you realised how much you’ve actually been missing out on.

“do you really think that this “project” will finally bring that change we want in our lives?” you asked yeji, breaking the silence after some long moments of tossing and turning in your bed. you found it almost impossible to fall asleep. it was the last night before you were going to leave behind everything in your life so far. the excitement was still there, but you couldn’t deny the fact that there were all sorts of worries and doubts clouding your mind, and you found yourself wondering more and more often whether you were truly making a good decision.

“y/n, are you letting your worries take over your mind again?” she let out a soft laugh, then turned around to face you “i understand though, i’ve been getting that too. but- are those thoughts really worth it? i mean- we’ll never know unless we try, so i think it’s definitely worth a shot.”

you sighed “still- i don’t think i’d be able to face my parents again if i fail this.”

“y/n...this is not a test. there’s nothing to fail here. personally, i would rather try and regret than live my whole life wondering “what if”.”

you hummed. yeji was right. you hugged her tightly, trying to show her how much you appreciated her comforting words. and just like this, you were finally able to let your body drift off into a deep slumber. it was now or never, and you weren’t just gonna sit there and wait forever.

───⋆☆─────────────

the ride to the vacation house turned out to be a challenge in itself. yeji was the only one with a driver’s license, so you had no choice but to stay in the passenger’s seat with both a gps and a map in hand. unfortunately for yeji, you had one flaw: you were absolutely terrible with directions, meaning that the trip that was supposed to be 6 hours long, ended up taking you 9 hours instead. you got lost in some strange forests twice; yeji pulled over the side of the road multiple times, trying to make sense of the directions you were telling her, occasionally getting out to buy a piece of fresh fruit whenever she spotted a merchant. she said that it was helping her brain think, and that she was also helping to keep a business going. you didn’t need any excuses for fresh fruit though. fresh fruit is good food after all.

when you somehow made it to the house, you felt your body refilling with energy, despite having that whole trip take 10 years off your lifespan. sitting right in front of you was a 2-story house with pale blue walls and a white wooden porch.

“i can’t believe we made it out alive” you said after getting out of the car. you weren’t sure how much more you could endure the constant buzzing of the air conditioner, and yeji’s one and only cd playing on replay.

“you can’t believe we made it? what about me, i was the one having to endure all those truck drivers swearing at me for taking wrong turns, because someone, not telling who, is incapable of using any kind of maps”

“whew- i wonder who that is.” you gasped dramatically “must be tough dealing with them. bet they are a lovely person though”

“they sure are” she giggled “now come on, let’s get our luggage out of the trunk before the heat melts everything away.”

“need a hand with that?” you heard an unfamiliar voice shouting from the distance. you turned around and saw a group of 3 young men coming your way. you and yeji looked at each other dumbfounded, unsure what to answer. you nudged her with your elbow.

“do you know them?”

“no idea who they are...” she whispered back.

“you must be yeji and y/n- right? i’m hueningkai, yeji’s parents let us know that you were coming today, so we stopped by to see if you needed any help” the boy with a brown mullet said. “that’s soobin and this is taehyun” he pointed at the other two, both of them giving you a warm smile and a small wave in return. you were almost too stunned to speak. luckily for you, yeji replied while you were busy staring at them with big eyes.

“i think i recall them mentioning you briefly before leaving. actually, weren’t there supposed to be two more people or am i not remembering well?”

“you must be talking about beomgyu and yeonjun.” soobin answered “their shifts haven’t ended yet so they’re still busy at the beach. we can go over there if you want to after you settle in.”

“sounds great.” you said picking up the first luggage.

“that looks heavy- let me handle that” taehyun replaced the luggage in your hand with a bag. “t-thanks.” you were taken aback by their kindness. boys at your school never even spare a glance in your direction, let alone help you carry something. if it weren’t for the boys, you and yeji would have probably passed out on the floor after moving everything inside.

───⋆☆─────────────

the house was only a 5-minute walk away from the beach, during which you got to learn a tiny bit more about each other. hueningkai told you that he’s the one in charge for making playlists and playing music; soobin worked along with beomgyu at the bar, meanwhile taehyun got a small job as a kitchen assistant because of his newly-found passion for cooking. they were all around your age and yet they seemed to have already found their passions, living life without much worry in mind. you wished you could live like that too, and maybe, just maybe, this was your chance to find that out.

“welcome-“ “-to paradise!” soobin exclaimed spreading his arms in the air.

“woah-” both you and yeji said in unison, making everybody else laugh.

“welcome to paradise indeed” you said, placing your feet on the warm golden sand. there was music playing around you, not too loud so that you could still hear the sound of the waves softly crashing against the shore. it was breath-taking.

“and you haven’t seen everything yet” taehyun chuckled, leading you towards the beach bar. “beomgyu- we’re here!” he shouted.

you squinted your eyes trying to see who this “beomgyu” was from afar, but your vision simply failed you. and when you got closer, you were simply not mentally prepared to face the person in front of you.

“guys i told you not to-“ he started off, seemingly irritated “oh- hi.” he scratched his neck, giving you a shy smile. at that very moment, you swore you felt your heart skip a beat.

“y/n, yeji- this is beomgyu. our one and only barista.”

“the best one in town!” beomgyu added cheerfully.

“ah- so humble too.” taehyun teased him, sighing dramatically.

“hey- what are you implying?” beomgyu sulked, but you couldn’t even pay attention to their bickering. your eyes were way too busy going over beomgyu’s features. ripe, cherry red locks of hair framed his eyes, those eyes that resembled two pearls of boba from a brown sugar milk tea, with long, beautiful eyelashes adoring them. you thought he looked just like a honey bear.

“i’m yeji- it’s nice to meet you” she shook his hand “this is y/n.”

beomgyu smiled and you reached your hand out for him to shake it. his soft hands enveloped yours, and you couldn’t help but notice how bigger they were than yours. you felt his hand lingering for just a few seconds more, and you were already missing his warm touch once he let go.

“so- want to have a look over our menu? it’s on the house” beomgyu offered.

“oh cool i’ll have the-“ soobin started talking, instantly getting cut off by beomgyu “not you- the girls!” he jokingly gave him a death stare “you’ve all been profiting too much off my generosity lately, you don’t deserve any free drinks today.”

you and yeji snickered, they all looked really close to each other, like brothers. it was like you were witnessing a petty fight between siblings.

“one strawberry lemonade for me please!” yeji said.

your eyes were still scanning the menu, hands continuously flipping the pages back and forth as you chewed on your bottom lip. beomgyu leaned over to you, the sweet scent of his citrus perfume invading your senses.

“want me to recommend anything?”

“ah- yes please. there are too many drinks here that sound good.” you replied “nothing with alcohol though, the trip here already gave me a headache.” you glared at yeji, who lifted one eyebrow at you.

he chuckled “people usually enjoy the peach smoothie, myself included. does that sound good?” his deep brown eyes peered into yours, never breaking eye contact- not even for one second. “sounds perfect.” you replied, almost completely absorbed by his gaze.

“until that’s done-” hueningkai chimed in “we should go ahead and meet up with yeonjun too.”

“don’t take too long though” beomgyu said “my shift is ending soon.”

“we’ll be fast- have you seen him around by chance?”

“last time i talked to him he was at the surfing board shop. maybe check that out first?” beomgyu replied, before going to the drinks station to get started on your orders.

“oh- i haven’t seen you around here before?”

you almost jumped out of your seat, startled by the new voice that interrupted your conversation.

“yeonjun! perfect timing.” hueningkai said “we were planning to go looking for you.”

“is that so?” he playfully asked, plopping down on the seat between you and yeji. his voice turned out to be much more attractive than you had anticipated, it was smooth, yet slightly husky and deep. you turned your head to look at him for the first time.

“i’m yeji- and this is...” her voice trailed down, expecting you to answer again. you were frozen, being too immersed to take in yeonjun’s appearance. you could notice his muscular form, not hidden away from the tight-fitted swimming shirt he was wearing. his sharp eyes game him a fox-like charm, making you feel inexplicably drawn to him. in contrast, his plump lips make him look adorable, like a sulky duck. what was a man like him even doing on a secluded beach-? yeji coughed, giving you a small nudge.

“y/n.” you managed to blurt out, a stupid smile plastered on your face.

“ah- huening, why didn’t you mention that such pretty girls were coming here today?” you almost dropped the drink’s coaster you had in your hand as he said that.

“it hasn’t even been 5 minutes and he’s already flirting” taehyun groaned, covering his face with his hands.

beomgyu rolled his eyes at his friend’s antics, setting down the drinks for you and yeji on the counter before finding a seat on the bar stools to join you.

“like i’ve said-“ hueningkai intervened “we were about to look for you. are you done with lessons for today?”

“yup. some kid had a sunstroke so i got off work early”

“what kind of lessons do you teach?” you asked curiosity taking over.

“i’m a surfing teacher for kids.” he answered “it’s a small job to make some money. for you, however- i could do it for free, since you’re cute” he winked at you, making your cheeks flush instantly.

“i’m sure y/n would love to try something new” yeji butted in, answering before you could open your mouth to speak. “that’s what we’re here for, after all. right?”

“right...” you squinted your eyes at her, giving her a light kick with your foot.

“it’s decided then.” he chuckled “i’ll be waiting.”

this is how all the conversations during the first day went like; your mind going blank, with yeji either saving you from embarrassment or only digging your hole deeper. still, you enjoyed it, you ended up staying at the beach long after the sun started to set. the chilly breeze coming from around the sea was made you get up from your seats, at long last.

───⋆☆─────────────

the next day, you found yourself back at the beach sometime in the afternoon. you did everything you could to wake up yeji, but to no avail. the drive here must have completely tired her out, as she was sleeping soundly as a rock. in the end, you let her continue to rest, choosing to go out by yourself.

“so, what’s it gonna be for today?” beomgyu asked, leaning his head on the palm of his head. “may i interest you in one of my signature cocktails, perhaps?”

“i’d love that” you smiled.

this time, you watched as beomgyu prepared your drink. he lifted the sleeves of his dress shirt up, revealing the way his forearm muscles tensed up as he picked up the glass bottles full of alcohol. his precise movements could tell you that he must have had plenty of experience as a barista. your eyes wandered off further, focusing on the way his long slender fingers, still slightly dripping with water from having washed fruits earlier, handled the knife with such skill and care. you remembered the moment you held his hands yesterday, how soft his skin was to your touch- you shook your head, trying to get that thought away.

“all done” beomgyu brought you a tall glass, ripe cherry sitting proudly on top, floating on the ice. “it’s a cherry daiquiri.”

you pushed the straw past your lips, a sweet yet tangy taste filling up your mouth. beomgyu looked at you, eyes gleaming with curiosity and anticipation. feeling a bit mischievous, you put on a serious expression.

“well uh-“ you paused, pursing your lips “this was quite-“

 beomgyu gulped, the content look on his face fading away.

“-quite possibly the best cocktail i’ve ever had” you couldn’t help but burst into laughter upon seeing the cute expression he had on his face. he closed his eyes, tilting his head back and breaking into a smile.

“you had me seriously questioning my bartender skills for a moment there”

“sorry- i had to” you giggled “i really mean it though, i’ve never had something that tasted this good before” beomgyu’s dimple appeared as he tried to conceal the big smile taking over his face.

“y/n!” yeji shouted, jogging to reach the bar.

“look who’s finally up”

“i slept through my alarm- sorry” she sighed, sitting down beside you.

‘not just through your alarm’

you hummed as you continued to sip on your drink, admiring the scenery in front of you. it was a peaceful atmosphere, the catchy beats of the music being sometimes interrupted by the squawking of the seagulls in the distance. right at the shore was a small group of kids, with yeonjun in the middle of them, standing on a surfing board. they all seemed to be bursting with energy, like bottles of soda that were about to explode. yeonjun knew how to match their energy well, while still keeping everything under control.

“instead of staring at him so intensely, why don’t you go and take up his offer?”

you snorted, crinkling your nose “me? surfing? no thanks- i’m saving myself from that embarrassment”

“and? if you only worry about embarrassing yourself then you won’t ever end up making a change with your life” yeji wrapped her arms around her body “-and this exactly what we’re here for, something new. don’t just let this opportunity go to waste.”

you frowned, chewing on your straw. even though your brain didn’t like to admit it, she was right. you were so caught up in your own comfort bubble, that it was holding you back.

“looks like he’s getting a break now” yeji muttered “come on- this is your chance!”

“alright- i’m going” you agreed at last, gulping down the rest of the drink before heading towards yeonjun’s spot. you walked with a determined look on your face- and shaky hands.

you tapped yeonjun on the shoulder, breath hitching in your throat. yeji watched your interaction from her seat, wishing she could be closer to hear it.

“who-” he turned around “y/n- everything good?”

“yeah.” you answered shortly, playing with your earrings. you weren’t particularly bad at small talk, but this time your mind went blank the moment he started facing you. you couldn’t even meet his eyes, which were staring back directly at you.

“actually- i’ve been thinking about it and, you know those surfing lessons you talked about? i kinda want to give that a shot” you trailed down, your voice becoming higher in pitch towards the end of your sentence.

yeonjun’s face instantly lit up, his smile reaching his eyes “really? when do you want to start then?”

“well, when is your schedule free?” you scratched your neck “i’ve heard you’re pretty busy, i wouldn’t want to be a burden.”

“don’t worry about it, i was the one who asked after all.” he chuckled “i can give you a text later on after checking.” you tilted your head in confusion

“but you don’t have my phone nu-“

oh. he was smooth.

“you got me.” he said sheepishly “i was hoping to get your phone number” there was a sharp constrast to the way he was behaving before. the cool and flirty persona he had been putting on was starting to crumble “if that’s okay with you as well i mean-“

“yeah i’m okay with that” you reassured him “maybe i wanted yours too” you mumbled, heart almost giving out after getting those words out. he laughed again, handing you his phone. you quickly typed your phone number in, saving the contact as “y/n :)”, then you handed him yours.

“i’ll make sure to let you know by tonight”

“great, i’ll be waiting then” you replied playfully, making your way back to the bar.

yeji kept on pressuring you to spill all the details, but you brushed her off, wanting to save the conversation in private. you didn’t even get a chance to breathe properly once you returned home. after locking the door, yeji dragged you by the arm and sat you down on the couch along with her, forcing you to let it all out.

“see? that wasn’t so bad, was it? i’m sure you’re gonna thank me later-“ yeji’s voice was interrupted by a notification coming from your phone. you sat there, frozen, a million thoughts rushing through your mind.

“are you gonna answer that?”

“i- i guess i should” you took your phone, a river bubbling through your veins and flushing your face at the sight of the new message:

(yeonjun<3)

[10:30 pm]: hi cutie ;) are you free tomorrow at 11 am for our first surfing lesson?

“what are you smiling at?”

“nothing” you giggled, hiding the screen of your phone with your hands.

“you’re definitely not giggling because of nothing- let me see.” yeji got on top of you, trying to pry the phone away from your hands. however, her attempt was unsuccessful, as your grip was way too strong.

“you’re leaving me with no choice” she whispered mischievously. you felt your whole life flash before your eyes. you had one great weakness- and yeji knew that. you couldn’t even stand 3 seconds of tickling, so she was going to use it against you. her fingers inched closer to your stomach and attacked you quickly.

“YEJI- stop please-“ you tried to shout between giggles “i surrender- i promise.” she stopped for a brief moment “you promise?” “yeah- now get off me and i’ll give you my phone.” she squinted her eyes, going back to her place on the couch reluctantly. her eyes widened in disbelief when you revealed the new message.

“no fucking way- after two days?? y/n. this guy’s definitely into you”

“i don’t want to jump to conclusions- what if that’s his way of being friendly?” you argued back, realising how foolish your reason sounded only after you finished your sentence.

“y/n- darling, there’s no way a guy who just wants to become friends would save his name with a heart symbol.” she shook you by the shoulders “he. is. into. you.”

“what if-“ you were about to argue again, but the sound of another notification made you stop midway through your sentence. you unlocked your phone, completely unprepared. you and yeji glanced at the screen, then looked back at each other in disbelief, struggling to contain the urge to scream your lungs out.

(unknown number)

[10:50 pm]: hi, y/n! this is beomgyu :)

[10:51 pm]: i got your phone number from yeonjun, hope you don’t mind ;)

───⋆☆─────────────

from the moment you woke up you could feel your heart hammering in your chest. it was hard to tell whether it was from excitement or anxiety. maybe it was a mix of both. still, you were proud of yourself for choosing to do something out of your comfort zone for once. yeji was probably even more excited than you were. she wasn’t a morning person, but she insisted on coming along to watch your lesson and to ‘check your chemistry’.

“which swimsuit should i take? i packed two with me.” you held up a black one-piece swimsuit and a pale blue two-piece one for yeji to see.

“get the two-piece. you look hotter in it.” she playfully winked at you. you reluctantly looked at the swimsuit she chose, cursing yourself in your head for asking. you opened your mouth to voice out your worries, but yeji got up from the bed and put a finger over your mouth “shush, i don’t want to hear any complaints. just trust me on this one- okay?” you silently put the black one back in the drawer and went to the bathroom to get changed, deciding to go with yeji’s pick. “yeonjun’s heart is gonna melt once he sees you.”

you tried to ignore her “let’s go, i don’t want to be late.”

“can’t leave yeonjun hanging?” yeji joked, faking a pout. you lightly slap her arm. “i’m gonna leave without you if you’re not ready.”

“you wouldn’t do that to me- you love me.”

“i sure do...” you tilted your head back, a laugh escaping your lips.

yeonjun was waiting for you at the exact same spot you watched him teach yesterday, nobody else around him this time. for some reason, the thought of being completely alone with him didn’t cross your mind. you could feel a rush of adrenaline flowing through your body, but it was way too late to back down now.

“ready for-“ yeonjun’s words stopped abruptly as soon as he looked at you. he seemed distressed, eyes rapidly going over between you and the warm sand beneath his feet, the tips of his ears flaming red. was this what yeji meant by his heart melting? he cleared his throat before speaking again “ready for our first lesson?”

“i’m a bit nervous” you admitted “but overall excited i think” you didn’t sound very sure of yourself.

“you’ll be fine with me” he flashed you a gentle smile.

yeonjun clasped his hands together “we’ll go over the basics first”

“you need to catch waves in order to start surfing, and how do you do that? you paddle.” yeonjun put down a surfing board onto the sand. “to paddle, you need to lie and balance on your surfboard. let me demonstrate it for you” yeonjun laid his body on the board, his back now facing you.

“when you do this, make sure that the angle of the board’s nose doesn’t change. it should remain the same as when you weren’t on top of the board, not higher, not lower.”

“got it.”

“you shouldn’t paddle with both arms simultaneously, as this won’t help you maintain a constant speed. alternate between both arms at a steady pace”

you were in awe at yeonjun’s professional aura, he explained things calmy, while still maintaining a firm voice.

“let’s get this board into the water so you can give that a try.”

you looked at yeonjun with wide eyes, your nerves had just started to settle down a bit and now they were going off like fireworks again.

he laughed lightly “no need to worry, i’ll be right beside you.” yeonjun pushed the board into the sea, not too far away from the shore so that the water level wouldn’t be too high. he held on to it so that you could get lie down with ease. “when paddling keep your chin up so that you can look around.”

you tried to do just as he said, mimicking his movements from earlier. you didn’t want to know how goofy you looked from another person’s point of view.

“just like that” yeonjun whispered “see? you’re a natural! i think we can move on to the next step- getting up. we won’t be riding any waves today, we need to make sure you get this technique right”

you turned your head towards his direction, a petrified look on your face.

“come on, i’ll help you” yeonjun held out his hand for you to take, moving the other on your waist to help you maintain your balance as you moved up with shaky feet. his touch made you feel flustered and you lost your focus, accidentally slipping on the board. luckily, yeonjun was there to catch you before you could face-plant into the water.

“easy does it. don’t worry, it’s tricky to get it right on the first try” he held you again, his grip on your hand tighter than the first time. you held your breath as you made your second attempt, this time ending successful.

“no way- i did it” you exclaimed.

yeji’s and beomgyu’s cheers could be heard all the way from the bar, making you burst into laughter. your cheeks turned rosy as you noticed your hand still holding yeonjun’s.

“you’re doing amazing, cutie” your face felt even hotter at the sound of the nickname.

“let’s try that a few more times”

and so you did. again, and again, and again. yeonjun didn’t let you go until you had at least 3 successful attempts in a row. the both of you settled down on a sunbed, munching on some ice cream as a reward for your success.

“do you like it here so far?” yeonjun asked.

“we haven’t had the chance to do much yet but- i think i do. the beach alone is enough for me to enjoy my time here.” you took a bite of the ice cream cone “by the way- i was wondering, how come you started surfing?”

“i fell in love with the beach after my uncle taught me how to surf.” you looked up to meet his eyes. you could see the way they lit up as he explained everything further. “the gentle breeze, the adrenaline, the warm sun touching my skin- i felt like i couldn’t get enough of it.” he tilted his head back and stretched out his arms “i tried to go back to the city, but i couldn’t resist being away from all of this, so now- i get to do exactly what i love.” he smiled.

you stared at the ice cream in your hand, watching it melt from the heat. his words tugged at your heart; in a way, you were feeling jealous of how content he seemed to be with his life.

“sounds really nice” you smiled back, biting your lips. you could almost feel your stomach turning, your previous worries were coming on at lightning speed. the sound of yeonjun’s voice out of it.

“i’m glad you took up on my offer, it’s nice to share something i enjoy with a lovely person like you.” your worries dissipated, being replaced by butterflies in your stomach instead.

───⋆☆─────────────

you continued your lessons with yeonjun up until the middle of the summer. it was clear by now that you were definitely not a surfing prodigy, but you didn’t want to stop. you didn’t know when it would be the next time you got to do something like this. besides, having yeonjun’s attention all on you was nice. or at least, until little kids started stealing him away from you.

“teacher yeonjun- can you help me find my rubber duck? i lost it in the water.” the kid sobbed, tugging on yeonjun’s swimming shorts. yeonjun looked at the kid then at you, conflicted.

“go on-“ you reassured him with a smile “i got it.”

“i’ll be quick.” yeonjun grabbed the kids hand, sprinting towards the area of the “lost duck”.

you lifted your body on the surfing board, closing your eyes for a brief moment and taking a deep breath of the cool beach air. you were all alone now. this was your chance to get away from your thoughts, your worries; to simply shift your focus on all your other senses. somehow, you were feeling nostalgic- nostalgic for a moment that hasn’t even fully passed yet. if only it was possible to keep those feelings locked away, so you could revisit them whenever you wanted to.

yet, your happiness was cut short. you let your guard down too much, and were completely unaware of the danger right in front of you. beomgyu’s shout snapped you out of it. you opened your eyes, only to see an enormous wave centimeters away from you. you froze, not knowing what to do. a million thoughts ran through your mind; before you could even make a decision, the wave crashed into you, sending your body flying down into the water, your head hitting the surfing board in the process. the glass that beomgyu was holding slipped from his hand, shattering to the ground. he swiftly jumped over the counter, then took his shirt off, his eyes frantically searching around the water for you. instead, he saw yeonjun diving in the water, already 2 steps ahead from him. it was childish to race with yeonjun to save you. beomgyu ran back to the bar, hands shaking as he searched for a first med kit and a towel.

you couldn’t keep your eyes open as the salty water gave you a burning sensation almost instantly. you flailed your arms around, in an attempt to save yourself, but the more you moved, the more it felt like you were sinking down. you were almost ready to stop when you felt a pair of arms wrapping around your waist, bringing you back up towards the surface.

“i got you, don’t worry” yeonjun breathed out, hooking one of his arms under your legs and holding your shoulders with the other. your hands hanged loosely around his neck, desperately coughing up the water that entered your system.

“try to stand on your side if you can”

yeonjun laid you down on the nearest sunbed, and you did just as he said, bringing your knees to your chest as your coughing fit continued. “don’t panic, just let it all out” he said softly as he rubbed his hands down your back to soothe you.

yeonjun called out yeji’s name, gesturing for the others to remain in their place for now, as a group of people surrounding you could have been overwhelming. still, beomgyu chose to trail down behind yeji as she walked towards you. he covered you with the towel he found and left a cold bottle of water on the ground next to you before going up to yeonjun.

“can we talk for a sec?” he said, grabbing yeonjun’s arm to bring him further down the beach, without waiting for an answer from him.

“hey- how are you feeling now?” yeji crouched down, holding your hand and gently rubbing her thumb against it.

“better, i think” you answered, trying to put on a smile for her, even though you were still shaken up from what happened earlier.

“where did the others go? i didn’t even get to thank yeonjun-” you raised your body a little bit, looking around the beach.

“don’t even worry about that right now.” yeji was quick to push your shoulders back down. yeji knew why beomgyu was so quick to take yeonjun away. she knew how angry he was with him for leaving you alone so carelessly, and she knew how he was also angry with himself for not acting faster earlier. witnessing them arguing wouldn’t have done you any good. “just rest a little bit more so we can go back home. i’m sure you’ll have another opportunity to thank him soon.”

you looked down. you felt guilty for what happened, even though what happened was outside of your control. you let out a groan and brought a hand to your head, a pounding ache taking over.

“does it hurt?“ yeji asked. you removed your head from its place, only to see a small trail of blood dripping down your fingers.

“everything okay?” you heard yeonjun shout, jogging towards you. he was out of breath, bringing his hands to rest on his knees, cheeks flushed a deep shade of red; it seemed like he ran all the way back. beomgyu, however, was nowhere in sight. “let me see” his eyebrows furrowed as he came closer. he moved your hair behind your ear to inspect your injury. “it’s nothing serious. it’s just a surface level wound, but we need to clean it up.”

“here, beomgyu gave this to me earlier” yeonjun took the med kit from yeji and placed it beside you on the sunbed.

“please tell me if it hurts”

you nodded and he grabbed your chin, then started to gently dab your head with a wet cloth. your eyes shily glanced over at his face. you didn’t realise until then just how close he was sitting next to you. his eyes were only focused on your wound and he was biting his lips in concentration. his hands were shaking a little bit, too afraid to cause you any type of pain. unknowingly, you were holding your breath, heart beating out of control. you couldn’t understand why it was that your body was reacting this way, even in a situation like this, how he still had you wrapped around his finger, melting under his feathery touches.

“this should make it heal faster” yeonjun said, putting some ointment on the wound before covering it with a bandaid. “-and this too” he whispered, leaving a small kiss on that same spot. “i’m so sorry y/n. you are still a beginner and i shouldn’t have left you all alone like that, it was stupid-“ you stopped his rambling by pulling him in for a hug. “hey- don’t blame yourself so harshly. what happened was outside of your control. if you were there maybe you would have gotten injured too.” you hugged him tighter “i wouldn’t have wanted to see you hurt either.”

“you’re right...” yeonjun sighed, combing his fingers through your hair “still- i’ll find a way to make it up to you, i promise.”

“hey- i know you’re having a sweet moment and all, but it’s getting late and we should really get going” yeji interrupted. you slowly moved away from yeonjun, whispering a ‘thank you’ against his ear before finally letting go and getting up.

once at home, you hopped into the shower to wash off the salt off your body. you changed into more comfortable clothes, slumping into your bed, your body melting into the mattress. you were mindlessly scrolling through social media, your eyes feeling heavier with each minute that passed. you were on the point of dozing off when you saw a notification appear on your screen.

(gyu :) )

[beomgyu, 9:17 pm] y/n! how are you feeling now? :(

[y/n, 9:17 pm] definitely better now, especially because of your help :)

[beomgyu, 9:17 pm] i’m glad

[beomgyu, 9:18 pm] are you busy rn?

[y/n, 9:18 pm] no, why?

[beomgyu, 9:18 pm] look outside the window ;)

confused, you got up from the bed and peeked through the window blinds, spotting a smiling beomgyu waving his hand at you from the sidewalk. you couldn’t help but return his smile as you looked at him, already in his pyjamas with a jacket over his shirt and a small basket in his hand. you opened the window and shouted “wait- i’ll be down in a sec.” stumbling as you rushed to climb down the stairs and put on your shoes. you quickly ran your fingers through your hair and took a deep breath to regain your composure. you were taken aback when you saw beomgyu right in front of you, hand raised up to knock on the door just as you opened it.

“hi.” he spoke softly.

“hi-” you breathed out “want to come in?”

“ah-“ he cleared his throat, his eyes meeting the floor instead of your face “i just wanted to bring you this.” he brought the hand holding the basket in front of you, its contents hidden away with the help of a pink wrapping paper. you pushed it to the side, careful so as not to rip it too much. your eyes widened once you discover small boxes with fresh assorted fruits like strawberries, cherries, grapes...and a tiny bear plush placed in the middle of everything.

“thought these might cheer you up a bit. i snuck those away from the bar once my shift ended. don’t tell on me though, soobin might kick my ass if he finds out”

“beomgyu-“ you stammered “thank you, but you didn’t have to-” you were pushing the basket back towards him, overwhelmed by his sweet gestures. he caught your wrists with his hands, moving them towards your chest.

“but i did have to” he leaned down, bringing his face to the same level as your own “if i saw you smile, then that means it was worth it, even if i do get in trouble” his words rolled off his tongue slowly, with a low rasp. you noticed the way beomgyu’s eyes moved away from yours to glance at your lips, then going back to the floor, stopping for a second, hesitating, before deciding to quickly steal away a kiss from your cheek.

“go back inside now, you should get some rest.”

without even realising it, you brought a hand up to your face, touching the same spot he just caressed with his lips. he tilted his head, chuckling after seeing your flustered expression. “good night, y/n” he put his hands in his pockets, turning his back to walk towards the alleyway.

what you weren’t aware of though, was just how loudly beomgyu’s heart was beating against his chest.

───⋆☆─────────────

the end of august, also known as the start of the party season at the beach. with tourists ending their trips and leaving soon, as well as with the weather on the cusp of changing, the workers at the beach started preparing for their annual series of events (which was actually more of an excuse to make people purchase more alcohol)

“we’re doing what tonight?” you asked yeji, resisting the urge to throw the pillow in your lap at her.

“listen- i know you’re finding out about this late, but-“

“but?” you pressed your lips together, lifting an eyebrow.

“but you would have declined the invitation right away-“ yeji sighed “now it’s too late to tell them that we’re not going. remember our promise? to take up on new opportunities?”

you remained silent, crossing your arms and glaring at yeji.

“come on, it’s the first party. if you don’t like it then i won’t pressure you to go to the rest. let’s just try it and see how it goes” yeji got on her knees, holding your hand and looking at you with pleading eyes.

“fine.” you gave in, yeji’s words managed to persuade you yet again. she squealed, capturing you in a tight hug. she wasted no time to drag you into her room and help you get ready. her face was basically radiating as she showed you all the makeup and outfit choices, there was just no way you could refuse her anymore. you just let her do her thing, putting all your trust into her tastes.

the more you walked towards the beach, the louder the music was becoming. you were tempted to do a full 180 and make a run for it, but your conscience didn’t allow you. plus, you truly believed that yeji would simply take her heels off to go after you and drag you back. you felt out of place in the big crowd of people, overwhelmed by the loud beats combining with people shouting in a poor attempt to communicate with each other. you were busy frantically scanning the area for a familiar figure, but you somehow missed yeonjun coming right in your direction. you were taken aback when you noticed him standing in front of you.

“hi, cutie. glad to see you here” yeonjun greeted you.

“hi-“ your eyes trailed down over his body. his white button-up shirt wasn’t closed all the way, giving you a peek at his exposed chest and the delicate silver necklace sitting on top of it. you bit your lip trying to shift your focus from the pretty man in front of you back to the conversation. he winked at you when you tried to make eye contact with him again. shit. your cheeks flushed a deep shade of red; he definitely noticed you staring at him. you quickly turned around and took a shot from the drinks table close to you. you grimaced as the alcohol sent a dash of fire down your throat, yet you still extended your hand for more.

yeji grabbed your arm “hey- hey, take it easy. we only just arrived.”

“and i’ve already embarrassed myself” you whispered back, covering your face with your hands.

“i’m sure whatever you did isn’t that bad. you’re gonna embarrass yourself more if you get wasted within the first hour anyway.”

you pressed your lips together. she was right- you just didn’t want to admit it out loud. “come on, i want to check out the dessert table. i heard soobin did a pretty good job with that” yeji said, grabbing your wrist and dragging you along with her.

yeji tested out almost every single dessert at the party. each time she took a bite of something new, she insisted that you tried it too because “this one was really the best”. you found it amusing but in some way, she was right, soobin really outdid himself this time. the cupcakes in particular were your favorite. the cake was so soft and moist, and the frosting was soft like velvet, immediately melting down on your tongue. they were seriously addicting. you were about to dive into another vanilla cupcake when you felt a tap on your shoulder. it was yeonjun who came up to you again.

“y/n- join me for a dance?”

your eyes glanced back at yeji, then at the cupcake in your hand. you were very tempted to say yes, but you didn’t want to leave her alone either. the idea of abandoning your cupcake didn’t sound that good either.

“go ahead” yeji said, snatching the cupcake you were holding. “i was about to go to hueningkai anyway- i wanted to have a look at his playlist. have fun you two” she sent a wink your way before quickly leaving, not even sparing you a chance to argue.

“shall we?” yeonjun stretched out his hand for you to take, which you nervously took. he led you to the middle of the dance floor, making you internally panic. having not gone to many parties in your lifetime, you weren’t confident in showing off your dance moves, especially right in front of yeonjun.

yeonjun must have sensed your worries, dipping down to whisper in your ear, his deep voice sending shivers down your spine. “just focus on me- don’t mind everyone else.” you were still holding his hand, so he took this chance to lift his arm up and playfully spin you around. you couldn’t help but giggle, slowly starting to ease up. you tried to ignore everyone else invading your vision, focusing on him and only him as you swayed your body along the rhythm of the music. you couldn’t help yourself but grab two more shots, one for you and one for yeonjun, when you saw one of the baristas coming down your way with a silver platter full of alcoholic drinks. ‘it’s for a little confidence boost’ you told yourself. for tonight, you were finally allowing yourself to be free from any worries, and to simply enjoy the moment.

you weren’t aware of how much time had passed since you stepped foot on the dance floor, and you were very tempted to take a break and let your legs rest for a while. but it seemed like the dj wasn’t going to let that happen anytime soon. the up-beat music that had been playing for the past hour was suddenly changed to a slow, jazzy song. you looked up at yeonjun with wide eyes, and he bit his lips, looking as surprised as you did. yet, he didn’t pull away. his hands dropped down from their position on your shoulders, trailing down your arms and then moving to your waist, leaving hot trails everywhere he touched your body. your body unconsciously moved closer to his, a bright red blush adoring your cheeks. your mind couldn’t focus on anything else but his hands on you. the sound of the music combining with your loud heartbeat made you feel light-headed.

“i want to kiss you” he whispered, resting his forehead on yours, his grip on your waist tightening “but if i do then i might not be able to contain myself.” he breathed out. your hand moved up to the nape of his neck, about to give in to the sweet temptation, when all of a sudden taehyun lightly tugged yeonjun by the collar of his shirt, creating distance between the two of you.

“loverboy, go check up on soobin, he’s having trouble setting up the fog machine”

“right now?”

“yes, now. come on” taehyun grabbed yeonjun, not letting him argue. ‘strange’ you remembered that the fog machine was already on when you arrived.

yeji and beomgyu appeared by your side just a few seconds later “where’s yeonjun?”

“ah- soobin was searching for him. guess i was kind of abandonded” you tried to laugh it off “can we go somewhere quieter?” the music is starting to mess with my brain.

“i’ll grab some drinks and i’ll meet you near the shore, there’s some log benches there.”

you nodded, holding onto yeji’s sleeve so as not to lose her. you felt like you could finally breathe again once you stepped foot on the sand. you couldn’t lie, parties did seem fun, but those where you’re almost completely surrounded by strangers? not so much. you held on until most people left, enjoying yeji’s and beomgyu’s company, cracking silly jokes as you kept on drinking. it was only after midnight when the rest of the boys joined you, with a few of the other people lingering around.

“anybody up for a few rounds of truth or dare?” yeji shouted.

“i’m in” beomgyu replied, raising his hand.

“i guess i’m in too” you sighed. truth or dare wasn’t really your cup of tea, but you didn’t want to ruin the other’s mood.

“everybody gather around the fire then” yeonjun said “and remember- no buts, no maybes” he snickered.

you noticed how beomgyu looked at you and opened his mouth, then closed it back again after yeonjun said down next to him. his body seemed to slump down after that; you wondered whether it was you who he wanted to sit close to.

“i’ll be the one to get this started” yeonjun stated, looking at every person over the hot flames of the fire, only for his eyes to land back on the person to his right. “beomgyu, truth or dare?”

beomgyu paused for a moment, then answered simply “truth.”

“you’re starting off easy?” he asked, the words rolling off his tongue with a playful, yet mischievous tone “well then- beomgyu, do you have a crush?”

“yes.” he answered shortly. beomgyu was sitting right across from you, and you could notice his body slowly tensing up as his arms hugged his waist tighter.

“and is your crush by any chance here with us?” yeonjun probed on further.

“that’s 2 questions” beomgyu frowned, looking at him.

“you didn’t let me finish.” yeonjun raised his hands defensively.

“yes- they are.” he answered then took a sip of his beer. however, what you failed to notice was him sneaking a glance in your direction as he said that.

everybody around you let out an “ooo” at beomgyu’s answer; people were giggling and nudging beomgyu, teasing him to reveal the name of the person. for some reason, the fact that he had a crush was tugging at your heartstrings. you were secretly hoping that the person he was talking about was you, but you weren’t ready to admit that to yourself.

“my turn now-“ beomgyu took another sip, his eyes scanned the room, then stopped on your figure. “y/n, truth or dare?”

you pondered for a moment. “truth.” you didn’t want to be the first one to try a dare, even if it was from beomgyu. he smiled “have you ever been in a relationship?” he asked, eyes sparkling from the light of the fire.

“no, actually.” you sighed “i was always too busy stressing over school- and look where that got me” you looked down and chuckled drily.

beomgyu nodded, seemingly getting a bit lost in thought. he wanted to continue, to talk to you more, but he restrained himself from doing so. he knew that this wasn’t the right moment to discuss your private life, not with everyone else around.

“let’s see- who should be the next victim?” you clicked your tongue “soobin- what do you prefer?”

───⋆☆─────────────

two hours of truth or dare later, soobin’s last shot was the one that tipped him off, and yeonjun offered to guide him back home before he had the chance to throw up on the beach. a few people stated that they were going to the bathroom, but in fact never returned; you didn’t want to know why. yeji was too tired to stay there any longer, so she left you behind. meaning, it was only you and beomgyu left on the now quiet beach. the fire was dying down, and beomgyu scooted closer to you, offering to share a blanket.

“how does one more round sound?” he asked you.

“i wouldn’t mind that” you laughed, feeling a bit nervous all of a sudden.

“truth or dare?” beomgyu whispered.

“dare.”

“dare, huh...?” he muttered “i dare you to dive into the water.” beomgyu smirked, playfully tilting his head to the side.

you were taken aback by his words, but your stubbornness didn’t allow you to back down.“okay.” you said, looking into his eyes. “turn around then. i don’t want my dress to get wet.”beomgyu’s eyes widened, clearly not expecting you to accept his dare. still, he did just like you asked.

you slid your dress off, then carefully placed it on one of the seats. you inhaled air deeply into your lungs as you approached the water, then jumped straight in, trying to get this over with as quickly as possible.

“truth or dare?” you shouted.

“dare.” beomgyu shouted back.

“i dare you to join me.”

beomgyu wasted no time taking off his shirt then quickly diving into the water, splashing you in the process. you immediately returned the favour when he got back up to the surface.

“hey- you’re gonna pay for that” he jokingly threatened you.

“make me.”

you both attacked each other with water, only the sound of your laughter filling up the quietness of the now peaceful night. “okay- i surrender.” beomgyu shouted again, catching your wrists with his hands to finally make you stop. he got closer to you, your laughter dying down as his close proximity made you feel nervous.

“you look so beautiful in the moonlight” he said as he hooked his finger around yours, guiding you around in the water. and you followed him mindlessly, as if you as if he’s got you right under his spell. his hands detached themselves from your own, moving to your waist. and you were so close to him, nose to nose, his breath combining his yours, his eyelashes tickling your lids- and yet, you still couldn’t allow yourself. you couldn’t allow yourself to be victim of your foolish desires.

you looked over your shoulder, worried that someone might have come back and noticed what was happening. what if someone saw you two? saw the two of you fooling around in the blue waves of the sea, what if someone saw his fingers trailing your back or how your own nested at his nape? your brain kept thinking of all the possible ways you might get in trouble, fighting to remain in power as his hot breath gathered itself at your neck, distracting yourself from any rational thoughts.

“y/n! are you still here?” you suddenly heard a voice shouting, which you recognised was yeji’s.

“yeah-“ you shouted back “don’t worry, i’ll be back soon no need to wait for me”

“send me a text when you leave!” she shouted again before walking away.

you looked at beomgyu with apologetic eyes.

“guess i can’t have you all for myself tonight.” he looked at you with a soft smile, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear “yeji’s stealing you away from me again.” he laughed.

“i’m sorry...” you whispered, lowering your head.

"there's no need to apologise", he said, a beat of heart and a pause following his words, "it's getting late anyway, you should rest, especially after such a night." the wind picked up your sigh before it could reach him, before it could whisper to him to come closer again, to take a step towards you, warm hands to envelop your waist and soft hair locks to tickle your skin again. you took a step back. "what an eventful night" you said under your breath. "what an eventful night", he picks up your words just as they roll off your tongue, giving you a smile. the air between you kept getting thicker and thicker, unspoken words and wishes weighing the both of you further into the soft shore. “wait just a second- i’ll be right back.” he rushed to get out of the water and sprinted to the bar. as he was coming back you could see him holding a small towel, which he handed to you.

“here, it’s nothing much, but i thought it might help you dry off- at least a little bit” he said rubbing the nape of his neck.

“it’s great” you smiled “thank you, beomgyu.”

he was also holding something behind his back, which he only revealed after you were done using the towel and putting your dress back on.

“have this too...” he looked away, the tips of his ears turning a pretty shade of pink. “i don’t want you to feel cold” he was holding out his white button up shirt for you to wear. you could feel your body reacting the same way as you thanked him and slided your arms into the sleeves. the faint scent of his cologne lingering on the soft material setting your heart on fire.

the walk back home was quiet, spent with the both of you sneaking a few shy glances at each other, his hand brushing against your ever so often, itching to hold yours again. for the first time during your stay you were disappointed that your house was so close to the beach, because it meant that you and beomgyu had to part ways so quickly.

“oh! your shirt- i almost forgot. let me take it off-“ 

his hands reacted fast, stopping you before you could do that “no- keep it, please. it looks good on you”

“o-oh. thank you” you stuttered. the both of you hesitated to part ways once again, too enticed by each other’s presence.

───⋆☆─────────────

beomgyu's ending | yeonjun's ending

taglist: @huekalover3000 @maybabe00 @sunoooism

[hinakazino]

Meeting their future kid! || Angel, Aki

Summary: Meeting their future child they had with you!! Or, in which your child with them somehow lands in the past for awhile.

Context: This is before an established relationship, the kids a teen here. Oh and (C/N) stands for your Childs name.

Warnings: SPOILERS (mainly on Aki’s part), none, just fluff.

— angel devil

Honestly, he’s shocked. Literally thinking what? That’s impossible. Touching him shortens one’s lifespan! He didn’t have a lover either, humans and even devils didn’t interest him- So how is it possible that he has a child?

But he couldn’t deny it either, the girl standing in front of him looked like him. She carried the same features, like the red hair and had wings just like him. There wasn’t a halo though, and he could instantly tell she was a hybrid.

“Dad!”, his daughters voice snapped him out of his thoughts. He hadn’t even realized that he’d completely zoned out. Angel had no idea what to say, but listened as his daughter spoke. “Dad, I know this is quite shocking, but I’m really your kid, my names (C/N),” she said.

It seems that from this Angel regained his composure, he didn’t like beating around the bush anyway. So he asked straightforward, “who is your mother?” “Y/n,” and it clicks. He’d seen you around, and you were his recently assigned partner.

“Um.. you can ask any question you want dad, don’t worry I’ll answer!” your daughter says as she grabs his bare hand to take him to sit. Angels terrified and instantly slaps his daughters hand away. “Woah woah- sorry, I forgot to say, dad I’m immune to your curse!” she says.

His face shows skepticism, but he sits down next to her and he finds himself apologizing. “Sorry..What’s it like in the future?” he asks. “No worries! Oh well, you and mom are basically retired devil hunters. You still go on the job but you get 4 days off now."

He watches as his daughter talks with enthusiasm, and finds himself softly smiling when she says, “happy to hear right dad? Mom says you didn’t like fighting or working much.” Angel feels that he quite enjoys the thought of a future with you and his daughter, it was just truly too good.

Angel then wonders on, "what is it that you do?" he asks. He watches as his daughter responds, "I'm a devil hunter too- but you don't have to worry because I'm pretty strong!!" "Really?" he says. "Yeah! You know you still always have that look on your face father, I'm not a baby anymore," your daughter states proudly.

Angel chuckles at this, as he realizes that his future won't be a lonely one. He won’t be alone anymore, he has his own family. It was in that moment that another thought had occurred to him, my touch drains others lifespan so how strange is it that we were able to have offspring?

Before he could ask though, your daughters time was up. "Sorry dad, I gotta go, this mechanism that got me here doesn't last long," she says. "Ah, no it's okay, stay safe," angel says. "One last thing though! Mom said to give you this, she said it may solve a question you have."

He watches as his daughter hands him a note, and stiffens when she hugs him. Angel finds himself slowly recuperating the hug, hands softly placing themselves on his daughters back, it felt foreign to him. When his daughter had left, he had opened the note.

'From Y/N.

Angel I know you're probably wondering this, so what we did was ...'

Angel blushed, rather his whole face became flushed as he finished reading the note. He could tell that you knew him fairly well since this answered his question exactly, and when he saw you later that day he couldn't stop the thoughts constantly popping up in his head.

— aki

Aki was more so surprised he lived long enough to actually have his own family, but the point that it happened was pleasant to him. He’d lost every person that was there for him in his childhood. Aki felt a sense of warmth knowing that he’d become someone who was now there for others.

Truthfully the idea that a devil hunter lasted in public safety more than 7 years was considered celebratory and it was no secret why. Having a family on top of that? That’s quite the achievement.

But there’s a lot of questions he has, who is his lover? The mother of his child, what’s life like? Has a lot changed? What about Denji and Power, how are they doing? His curiosity shows itself on his face and his son starts off.

“Soooooo, dad like I said I’m your kid and it’s a lot to take in, but I know you have a lot of questions so ask away,” his son says. The kid looks like Aki for sure, he stares at his child’s face and offers a smile. Aki signals for his son to sit down next to them and a father-son talk ensues. “What’s your name kid?” he asks.

“I’m (C/N), and I’m pretty old now,” his son responds. Aki can feel a sense of annoyance, but not with any dislike. “I call you kid a lot huh?” “So you do realizes that you overuse the word,” his son says matter-of-factly. Aki chuckles and continues on, “Yeah uh, who is my lover?”

“Y/n,” and it makes sense, Aki’s noticed your recent starting at him. It wasn’t unwelcome, he could tell you were looking at him with admiration he just didn’t know it was much more. You were his recently assigned partner, one he was tasked to train.

“Mmh, what’s life like?” he asks, trying to sound casual. Aki’s face heated up as it started to settle in that you were a big part of his future. “You and mom are retired married devil hunters, both of you do get called on missions sometimes but it’s really just living and doing normal stuff now,�� your son responds.

Aki felt relieved that he let go of his revenge. “How are power and denji?” he asks. “Uncle and Auntie are doing fine, they’re both still in the devil hunting business, you can bet they’re annoying the heck outta me,” your son says sighing. Aki can only smile hearing this.

Everything felt so perfect, he still couldn’t grasp that this was what his future was like. “You decided to be a devil hunter,” Aki comments softly, he genuinely felt slight concern hearing this since he himself has seen many of his coworkers lose their lives.

He watches as, (C/N), his sons face shifts to one of pride. “You don’t have to worry about me father, I know what I’m doing, I got taught by the best of the best after all,” he says. Aki feels proud to hear this, he’s glad knowing that this wasn’t something he pushed on his son. This actually made his curiosity spike again, what about the gun devil, makima, or the agency at his sons time?

“I- I just want to confirm some more, I didn’t force you into devil hunting right? I know I do dislike gun devil and all, what about miss makima-” Aki stops talking as his son cuts him off. “Dad this is my decision, for real, and I don’t know what you’re talking about? The gun devils captured during your time and it’s last appearance was to take down the control devil, Makima,” your son says while shrugging.

Aki couldn't help feeling confused, he had been given no time to ponder over this revelation though, as his son announced his retreat. "Sorry, I've got to go back to my time now father," his son says. Aki feels saddened by this but before he lets his kid go, he makes sure to give him a good hug.

"I'm proud of you, and tell your mom I'm on my way to see her," he says ruffling up his sons hair. He stand there watching as his son laughs and heads on his way with a soft wave.

© 2023 by Hinakazino, do not translate/edit/claim or use my work in any form.

[onyourowndaisymae]

Hello! If possible, could I request the Obey Me brothers + dateables and their reactions to an MC with dyscalculia? If not, it's totally fine!! I hope you've an awesome week <3 !!

obey me brothers + an mc with dyscalculia (pt. 1)

in order to get shit out in even a remotely timely manner, i've decided to now and in the future start splitting asks into two individual posts based on character group (brothers vs dateables/side characters). it was between that and shortening the posts and since i'd rather bite my own fingers off than put out content i'm not proud of, this is my solution! so let's call this part 1 to this ask. also sorry it takes me obscenely long to post i am a mess

content warnings: none

"Dyscalculia is a learning disorder that affects a person's ability to do math. Much like dyslexia disrupts areas of the brain related to reading, dyscalculia affects brain areas that handle math- and number-related skills and understanding." - Cleveland Clinic

Lucifer

lucifer is such a dad about this, like i cannot express this enough.

he knows you have dyscalculia before you even arrive in the devildom. he sees it on your paperwork before they pull you from the human realm, so he's already preparing the best strategies to assist you. he will, however, wait until you say something about it to make that information known.

he will make you bring your math homework to his office every night so he can check it. that is not optional. he doesn't care how much you hate it, because at the end of the day you need to pass. tough love, in a sense.

but, on that same note-- he's not actually mean about correcting your work. it's very odd. you'd expect big, bad, "i'll string mammon up from the ceiling on any given day" ass lucifer would be a brutal teacher, but he's really not. he knows that you brain simply does not work the same way as others, so he's extra particular about his explanations. he doesn't ever call you out in a way that makes you feel stupid. this proud demon never wants to make you embarrassed over something you can't control.

ideally, you'll come around on doing homework in his office every night. he thinks this is the perfect choice for both of you. his office is quiet and warm, with the soothing sounds of a crackling fire comforting you as you work. he can make sure any distractions (aka, his brothers) are completely out of sight until you're finished for the night. he'll also be right there in case you need any help-- he'll drop whatever he's doing and help until you're sure you've got the problem down.

lucifer is protective of this time together. it's the one time where he's certain he can do more for you than the rest of his brothers, and he's determined to prove you won't ever need to turn to them for help.

if you get overwhelmed with your homework, he's easy on you for the rest of the night. lucifer knows when to call it quits-- he'll slide your homework away across the desk and set a reassuring hand on your back. he doesn't speak as you get all your frustrations out, whether they be tears or anger. it's easy to forget that lucifer is actually an older brother. but in moments like these, full of quiet comfort as he carefully works you down from the ledge, you think maybe he's not so intimidating after all.

Mammon

oh, you're not good with math? join the club, bestie.

mammon takes an embarrassing amount of time to realize that you've got dyscalculia. like, a near impossible amount of time. you're not hiding this information from him. he's seen lucifer help you with your math homework, heard you talk about special accommodations for tests, hell, you've even said it aloud! this man would lose a spelling bee to a box of bricks.

you eventually ask him if he knows what dyscalculia is. he tries to play it off like he knows, but of course, he's not a great actor. you let him flounder for a little bit before choosing mercy and explaining the concept to him. it takes him a bit to understand that it's an actual learning disorder and you're not just making shit up to explain why you suck at math.

mammon prefers when you do homework together. in his head, he justifies this by saying he'll be close by when if you need his help. in reality, he'd probably do more harm than good to your grade. he spends most nights trying to coax you into working on homework in his room. at the very least, he'll be able to spend some alone time with you

reality is often disappointing. you do actually spend most nights doing your math homework together... at the kitchen table, while lucifer sits between you two and makes sure you get your work done in a timely manner. no talking, mammon, or he'll hang you from the stairwell by your ankles.

don't ask him for help. just... don't. you'll honestly do worse than if you had just tried yourself.

if you get overwhelmed trying to do your work with dyscalculia, mammon is right there by your side. you won't be doing anymore work tonight, that's for sure. he'll pull you into his arms, red-faced and sheepish, as he soothes your frustrations with gentle, murmured affirmations. you are so much more than this math shit, alright? don't forget it.

Leviathan

levithan simply won't pick up on something as subtle as your difficulty with numbers. even if he notices it, he'd never say anything. what if he's wrong? what if you feel bad about it? what if he offers to help you with that math homework you're struggling with three feet in front of him and you hate him for it? oh god, maybe he should mind his own business. what if he's making all these assumptions about you-- assumptions that you'd hate him for? he can't handle if you-- oh, what? you want to talk about it with him? haha, no worries. totally chill. levi's nothing if not totally chill.

you have to tell levi about your dyscalculia if you ever want him to know, or at least tell one of his more loose-lipped brothers. he's willing to talk about it if you are. but no matter how close you are, he would never bring it up first.

he's got passable grades. he'd probably do better if he applied himself, but honestly, he's far too interested in throwing himself into another anime or video game to dedicate much brain space to school. if you want to do homework with him, he'll probably opt to play a game on some handheld next to you to keep you company. he's extra considerate to keep his headphones on and stay quiet for you. he's just honored you want to spend time with him like this.

you want levi to help you with homework? are you sure? you don't want one of his smarter brothers, like satan or belphie or-- you're sure you want him? he's not convinced he's stellar at tutoring or anything, but he'll try. he brings out his own (rushed) homework and explains his thought process to you... funnily enough, helping you points out the flaws in how own work, which he can now fix before turning it in. helping you has quiet literally raised his grades in the long run.

if you get overwhelmed, levi is quick to panic. please don't cry. his best solution is to distract you. wanna watch him beat this level? wanna start an anime together to take your mind off of it? you guys end up wasting the rest of the night recreating the HoL and demon brothers in the devildom equivalent of the sims. so much for raising your grades together... lucifer is not happy hearing how easily both of you got distracted (but lets it slide when he realizes it was math homework you skipped).

Satan

satan is an observant fellow. he probably knows within your first month at RAD that you've got an issue with numbers. he might not know the exact diagnosis, but he can tell you're not nearly as confident with math as you are in other subjects. he notices you're more dodgy about anything to do with numbers. he had not intention to bother you about it, of course, but he'll watch with a bit of curiosity as you encounter these sort of situations-- he doesn't understand you, after all, and he wants to know why.

by the time you guys are on friendly terms, he'll offer to help you with any homework you might struggle with. satan gives no indication that he knows you're not the most confident in math. while he hates lucifer, satan still knows the value of pride and dignity in these situations. he waits until you approach him one night for help-- bashful, a little ashamed, all interesting emotions for him to witness up close-- and carefully guides you through the work. that's when he sees it. you have an odd way of interacting with numbers. there he notices little mess ups when counting, longer pauses mid-equation, how quiet you are as he helps you out... interesting. guess he'll have to keep assisting you for now.

when you do eventually tell him, he... i mean he basically flat out tells you he knew from the moment he watched you solve a math problem. hopefully that explanation doesn't upset you. it's just facts. one time you had to pay for something at a festival stall in cash... watching you try to calculate the combination of coins and bills you should hand over was painful.

he doesn't really mind accommodating your dyscalculia. you, at least, aren't just a dumbass with no explanation (like mammon, he's talking about mammon). satan will usually ask if you want his help before stepping in, out of courtesy, but usually prefers to handle number-related tasks himself. it just goes faster.

if you get overwhelmed with your homework, you'll see satan get really confused. he didn't think it was something that could upset you in that way. he'd sooner expect you to get pissed off and storm out, y'know? that he can relate to. he'll follow your lead on this one. what would make you feel better? if you want to power through, he'll do his best to explain everything as simply as possible. if not, he'll do something with you to take your mind off of everything.

Asmodeus

it's easy to write asmodeus off as some sort of surface-level ditz, but that's truly a disservice to the bubbly demon. he's still one of the most powerful demons in the whole realm, after all. but he's always been good at picking up those small details-- your dyscalculia is something that stumps him for awhile, but eventually, he figures out something is up.

the main problem is shopping. he'll often drag you along with him to majolish, either as a pack mule to carry his things or as a lovely little doll to try on every outfit combo his pretty little head can put together. the real issue came about as he tried to get your help calculating a running total for the items in his arms. see, asmo is quite good with numbers (new headcanon alert? honestly i'm into it i now declare asmo's a secret lil math whiz). so as he's adding up the prices, he'll shout numbers at you from another changing room and ask you for help. what's $74.36 + 189.20? quickly! oh, too late, he's got it. will you remember $263.56? now say that back to him?

when you inevitably stumble through every single number-related task, even just counting certain things in the bag, asmodeus realizes that maybe you're just not that good with numbers. not in the way that mammon is, that's just general stupidity (so mean!), but in a way unlike you are with anything else. eventually he'll stop handing off number-related tasks to you and take a couple extra seconds to do it anyways.

asmo would help you with homework, but that requires doing his own homework, you see. and considering the fact that his nails are wet AND the devildom culture reading sounds boring as hell... he doesn't have any plans to do it. in fact, he'll calculate just what assignments he can skip while still passing. if he's not going to do his homework, he'll at least keep you company while you do yours! expect quite humming as he scrolls through social media next to you.

on the rare occasion that he does in fact do his work, asmo is more than willing to help you with your math homework! he does, however, have a system. first of all, you guys are studying in his room with the door closed. not to hide anything from the others-- unless you'd like to take advantage of the closed door?-- but to keep his brothers from interrupting you. then the two of you will spread out on his floor or his bed and get to work. if you help him with devildom history, he'll gladly help you with math!

if you get overwhelmed by your math homework, asmodeus is quick to ditch school work for the rest of the evening. honestly he didn't want to do it either! he's almost excited to be there by your side and comforting you-- in part because it's him you're asking for comfort and not his brothers, and in part because he gets the chance to charm you with one of his greatest strengths: hospitality! expect an evening of pampering with no expectation of reciprocation. he enjoys running you a bath (won't even joke about joining you... this time), doing your skincare, painting your nails... it's your call. he just can't wait to take your mind off of the stress and remind you just how wonderful you are.

Beelzebub

beelzebub doesn't even come close to finding out about your dyscalculia until you tell him. he thinks watching people work is a little rude, and he's usually too busy snacking, or thinking about snacking, or planning his next food order, or-- you get the picture. and even if he did notice you struggling, he'd kindly turn the other cheek to give you privacy. he might mention something to belphie later, considering how smart his twin is and all, but it's always out of a place of genuine concern and care for you. beel is trusts you to respect your own limits and, if you want him to know about your struggles, to approach him when you're ready.

beel is the type to have a structured homework routine. he just gets too distracted when left to his own devices! his stomach can lead him to the wildest of places. beel goes to the same spot in his room every night with a mountain of snacks and gets to work. belphie is usually somewhere in the room to "supervise", mainly acting to keep his twin on task when his brain goes into overdrive. no beel, you didn't miss fangol practice. it was cancelled tonight because of the weather. is lucifer making dinner toni-- i don't know who's on dinner duty. no, don't go check. beel.

if you're joining him to actually do your work, belphie is thankful. you essentially take over his job of "beel wrangler" and allow him to sleep peacefully nearby. if you're there to be a distraction, it's only a matter of time until you're either wrangled yourself (much to belphie's irritation) or shooed out of the room until beel finishes his work.

tutoring from beel is really collaborative. you tackle each question together, one at a time, until the assignment is complete. he wants to hear how your brain processes the question-- learning difficulty and all-- then he'll share his thoughts. somewhere in there the two of you will usually find the right answer. if not, belphie's always willing to try to help the two of you.

if you get overwhelmed with your math homework, beel is quick to comfort you. what can he do to help? he's got some snacks if that would take your mind off of things. actually, these are new ones from the convenience store across town. in a couple of minutes, you're playing a devildom version (and surprisingly tamer, considering this is supposed to be hell and all) version of beanboozled. beel never guesses a flavor incorrectly. eventually you and belphie are just feeding a blindfolded beel jellybeans and watching him guess each and every flavor correctly. at least you're not struggling with your work anymore!

Belphegor

belphie, after sitting in his assigned seat next to you for exactly one (1) math class, asks if you've always struggle with numbers. blunt but to the point, i guess? he doesn't mean to be offensive or anything, but he's not going to sugarcoat it, either. he noticed you were struggling keeping up with the notes. you're welcome to borrow his if you need to.

(i feel the need to note here that belphie's notetaking is ass. he's on the verge of passing out each class period, so all of his work is slanted heavily and mostly undecipherable. it's a shame, really, because he's got good handwriting when he's awake).

he's found most often in his room or the attic curled up among the blankets. because they assume he's asleep, wherever belphie is tends to be a good study spot. sometimes he'll beckon you to join him on the bed as he tries to distract you encourages you to pace yourself. other times he's fast asleep with the lights on, leaving you to your studies on the floor or at a nearby desk/table.

if you specifically request his tutoring, he'll make time for you. sure, he'll probably be half asleep and will appear in your room to help at an odd hour between naps, but he'll be sure to come. the problem is that his "tutoring" is mostly him just telling you the answers. if you're cool with this, great! if not, he's a bit less helpful. it's best to just use him as one would the answers section at the back of the textbook to check if you found the right result and, if not, as a resource to work backwards and find your mistake.

if you get overwhelmed with your math work while doing homework in belphegor's room, he immediately suggests a break to help calm you back down. unfortunately, this is the avatar of sloth we're discussing-- any break he suggests will most definitely turn into a distraction that stops any and all progress for the rest of the night. honestly? sometimes that's what you need. sometimes you know you're going to stress beyond the point of improvement, and those nights need to be stopped before you crash. his first suggestion will always be to curl up together to take a nap. if you're interested, you should be aware that the "nap" will not end until the next morning. if you decide to be responsible and veto that plan, then you will probably both curl up to watch a movie-- your pick-- and spend the rest of the night far, far away from any math homework that'll stress you out further.

[ranticore]

i love cain and des and tua and marilyn... do they have any art 👉👈 or any more character description than what is given in the books... theyre so excellent i love cursed weapons and their weary wielders (bowman and esk are also very cool)

i KNOW i have art of young cain and michel hanging around somewhere but i can't find it i'm so sorry... i will say that the 'true' hanged man card for my inver tarot series is actually cain (the scene from the end of tvm u know the one) but i haven't drawn it because it's spoilery. the other hanged man i did was just a placeholder and doesn't even make sense for the meaning of the card.

as for marilyn and tua i have not drawn them (except, of course, the poleaxe on the book cover).

anyway here's some more description for u as an apology for losing my art (tvm spoilers??)

Cain is about 5'8". He has short grey hair and sideburns but is otherwise clean-shaven. He's in his fifties but appears older because stress will age ya. He has an aquiline nose and his build is bearish, he's very strong after an entire lifetime of dragging Des around but he's slowing down with age a little, and his back hurts all the time. His family was formerly noble but they lost their peerage and became lower class. Cain was born after this happened and his family had chosen to stay on inside the citadel as wall guards instead, as they had always been a pretty martial type of family. In his youth he'd hang out with Michel a lot but found Michel to be subtly aggravating, since Michel could just get Esk and LEAVE and it wouldn't even be that big a deal, the longbow is so easy to carry, but Michel just waffled about it forever until Cain had to stop hanging out with him, and eventually his frustration turned to jealousy, and then outright anger. They fought, and Michel died shortly after, making reconciliation impossible and a constant 'what if' floating at the back of Cain's mind that torments him every single day of his life. It's why he jumps at the chance to try to reconnect with other weapon wielders.

Cain has never married and has no kids but he feels fondly about the younger wall guards and thinks of them as his sons in a way. Cain's name has been a placeholder for long enough that I forgot to pick a real name when I publicly released stbh (oops), because 'Cain' is heavy-handed even for me.

Des is a common kingfisher or a big harpoon gun, depending on who you ask. The cradle with wheels is not actually part of the weapon and can be removed without damaging it, they're just there to make transport easier. It can be further apart from Cain than the other weapons can be from their wielders without causing them harm, because the gun is just so inconvenient. You can't even take it up stairs. Imagine. Des is the only weapon name that isn't a shortened form of a more significant word, because I thought it was kinda fun to give it the name of some old fella you'd meet at the back of a pub. Des is the second eldest of the weapons and has a kind of lackadaisical way of looking at the world, mostly born of its own confidence in its power. Very little is capable of breaking Des, so why worry? The last time it bothered to care about the overall destiny/conflict/etc of the weapons was when Cain's family lost their titles, and that was when Des accepted that it was never gonna change anything about the system around itself, so it was best to focus its efforts on keeping its wielders safe instead.

Marilyn is younger than she seems. She has a deep well of knowledge in a very narrow band of subjects (dancing, some bartending, performance arts, and her own family history), but is profoundly ignorant about pretty much everything else. And she knows it. It's why she goes along with things and accepts them at face value, as best she can, because she knows that she's at a disadvantage and doesn't want to seem childish or stupid. She was not aware that Tua was exerting far more influence on her than it should have been doing (Tua, for example, was the one VERY POINTEDLY asking Bowman how much he trusted and relied on Félix, how much he might miss his friend's absence, even...). She was, ultimately, a little abandoned by the people around her who should have looked out for her - Bowman did his best but he was distracted by all that other shit, and Carmen, despite becoming her best friend, struggled to make herself understood at the Pangur household and couldn't get them to show Marilyn more respect. Marilyn accepted, eventually, that she had to learn fast or simply remain unremarkable and unwanted.

Tua is the third eldest of the weapons and largely considered The Boss due to the Pangur family status, and has always been very proud, sure of its privileged position in the grand scheme of things. The Pangur family never truly surrendered to the Aquitanian werewolves, but kept their customs and language alive, and this contributed to Tua's sense of hope - it always hoped, even right up until the death of Síofra Pangur, that they would win. It hoped far more fiercely than Des ever could, more than Esk for sure, and this made the loss of Síofra more devastating than it could handle. It hates everything and everyone, it even hates Marilyn (at the start. it warms up to her), and sees every other living thing as a tool to be manipulated to its own ends. It has a deep sense of disgrace, it's a temporarily embarrassed millionaire, a noble, not a part of the common rabble, and it'll make em pay. With Cormac deal with, it could perhaps find a way to heal, but only if Marilyn is treated with some semblance of respect.

[project-sekai-facts]

thinking about it stresses me out and i can't explain it well but making the world link events take up an entire event slot instead of it running alongside a different event is such a horrible idea imo, especially if it takes this month's lim banner entirely. and i think it's impossible considering vbs's one is in january and there's the new years fes anyways? unless they make new years perm again like in 2021 but it's going to be so fucking annoying and predictable for any fan that's been waiting for a lim for a while, especially vsers because it basically confirms that the devs STILL aren't treating them like the actual characters and putting them in events with the ocs (let alone having to wait until AUGUST for more fucking lims, yea like we need another fucking one-year gap /s). its genuinely irritating for me if they end up deciding that and not making next event lim. plus it makes the next event from now only six days considering this gacha ends October 31st, and with the event gap, the event has to end November 5th or 6th. and this wl event lasts 12 days and no event has lasted either of those lengths in jp (not to mention the weird fucking chapter-by-chapter thing going on?). sorry for acting angry but i really am disappointed if this ends up being the case without any fucking warning it makes no sense!

yeah the WL event just feels like it needs some work. obviously this is the first one so there's gonna be some problems here and there but this feels like it's pretty messily put together, even for a first run. i understand it taking an event slot because otherwise you'd have to tier two separate events at the same time and that'd just be difficult, but just the sheer amount of time it takes up is too much. maybe shorten the chapters to 2 days from 3, 12 days is too long. it's just gonna be really draining and a pain in the ass to tier, plus it makes the event before it really short. like seriously, 7 days for the MMJ event? i mean the current event is only 8 but normally cheerful carnivals last about 10 because of the format. i mean MMJ wouldn't perform as well as a N25 banner anyway so maybe they're just throwing the 7 day event on them for testing purposes.

since VBS is directly after new year colofes+lims I'm guessing WL lims don't count as actual lims. maybe they don't have hairstyles, i mean they said about MR2 unlocking special cut-ins, so maybe they do that instead of hairstyles. i wonder if they'll be like a bday card where they have their own rarity or something because if the game is willing to run them directly after a fes banner they can't be all that rare? maybe they reappear on future WL events like how all fes cards are on every colofes banner.

i get the feeling that the WL event won't have a specific character focus. they didn't announce a song other than the 3rd anniversary campaign one, so unless they're deciding to count that as Kanade's 4th comm then it doesn't look like this has a specific focus. well, apparently each part of the event/story is focused on a different character so that makes sense I guess. also the 3rd anni campaign commissions are meant to release monthly, and these events are getting dragged out until well past when all unit will've gotten their comm.

i think a lot of adjustments are gonna have to be made to the event starting from the VBS one. like the whole thing feels messy right now. and maybe it's because they haven't really told us a whole lot about how it works still, but there's obvious problems from the get-go like the duration and the amount of gacha cards on top of the fact they're now rerunning 3 lim gachas at a time. how badly does this game want our money they earn way more than any other idol game on the market.

[arthropod-concoctions]

(AO3 - prev)

“Grian, I have great news, I- MY HAIR!” Scar yelled into Grian's ear, startling him so much he nearly dropped Scar's cane. He jumped away from his shulker monster to look at Scar, who was pointing at him accusingly. “What have you done to my luscious elven locks?”

“I waffled them,” Grian simply replied. Long hair was nice sometimes, but he wasn't in the mood for it at the moment, so he'd bundled it up for convenience. “What's the good news?”

“Oh, right. I figured out how to do the third eye thingy without dissapearing from the mortal plane! See, right now I can...” Scar trailed off, and his regular eyes went out of focus. “Oh my, you really have turned my hair into a waffle. But I can see the back of your head from here! Isn't that great?”

“Oh, that- that actually is great,” Grian replied. “That means we can actually look at the code I messed up. Do you wanna do that right now?”

“Sure,” Scar said, pulling up Grian's chat. “It's just a file in here, right?”

“Yep. Probably called Double Life... something.”

Scar tapped away into the device, his brow furrowing. “There's nothing called Double Life.”

“Oh, for goodness'...” Grian trailed off, trying to remember what he would've called it. “I probably shortened it in some stupid way... try 'dubl'. Like Dublin, without the last two letters.”

Scar snorted. “You think I know how to spell “Dublin?” Then his eyes flitted across the screen. “Wait, what's this? 'waystobringmumboback.txt'?”

“Scar, please stay focused-”

“No, I'm reading this. I want to see your ideas. 'Build a nice piston door'... yeah that could work.”

“Scar...” Grian started to walk towards Scar.

“'Build a BAD piston door'- oh, that might actually be smarter. These are good ideas, Grian!” Scar smiled at Grian, then looked back at the screen, squinting. “Bring back ari- bring back arinara-”

“SCAR!” Grian shouted, and nearly tackled Scar to the ground. They both started laughing. “Quit reading my private documents!”

Scar stuck the arm holding the chat into the air, in an attempt to keep it away from Grian-- he simply plucked it out of his hand. “I'm the taller one now, Scar, that isn't going to-”

The device vanished, and reappeared in Scar's hand. Right. It was impossible to take someone's chat device away from them, unless your name was Grian and you were godawful at coding.

Scar rolled over on the floor, still laughing. “Sorry, Sorry. I'll behave. What was the file called again?”

“Nah, forget it,” Grian responded, grabbing some firework rockets. “Class is cancelled. I'm gonna go follow your advice.”

---

“Cub!” Grian called out, as he approached the outside of Total Chaos. Cub looked up from the mess of redstone he was standing in, and waved at him.

“Hey, Scar- no, wait, you're Grian now, aren't you?” he said, as he hopped down onto the floor.

“That's right. And he's been having a whale of a time flying around as me, and he told me you are the man to come to to have- to do cool things as Scar.”

Cub thought for a moment, then smiled deviously. “Ah, you want to learn the ways of the vex?”

“Is that what I've just... yeah, alright, sure,” Grian responded.

“Awesome! Oh, this is gonna be sick. Alright, follow me inside, I'll get some stuff sorted,” Cub said, and led Grian into the interior of Total Chaos.

Grian sat down on the carpet while Cub vanished into some nook of the building. He came back a minute later, holding two icy blue masks; one with a happy face, one with a sad face.

“Alright, this is- well, this is Scar's mask,” Cub said, as he held out the smiling mask to Grian, then briefly pulled it back. “You don't really smile as much as him, though, so maybe we should swap- actually, no, I don't know what the consequences of that would be.” he shook his head, and held out the mask again.

“...Should I be concerned about any of this?” Grian asked as he took the mask.

“Nah, don't worry dude, you'll be fine,” Cub replied. “Just put on the mask, relax, get comfortable. I'll do the hard stuff. Don't panic, alright?”

“...Okay,” Grian said, Cub's words entirely failing to comfort him. Still, he put on the mask and watched as Cub did the same. He very softly heard Cub whispering something-

Then things began to get weird. Grian's colour vision began to shift, everything turning into shades of blue and grey. Cub's skin slowly turned blue, and at once his hair rapidly shifted from black to white. Grian felt his own body change as well; he felt lighter, and the ache in his legs he was slowly getting used to faded into the distance. Grian didn't panic. He felt great, actually.

Cub smiled at Grian; somehow, he could see his mouth, even though the mask he was wearing was opaque. “You wanna go prank Keralis?” he asked, and his voice sounded very high-pitched, yet somehow normal.

Grian smiled as well. “You bet!” he replied.

---

Flying as a vex was a different sensation entirely from using his wings. Grian barely had to angle his body to accelerate to incredible speeds. At one point he was speeding towards a big tree, and started to panic as he couldn't slow his momentum enough to avoid it; but then he simply passed through the branches as if they weren't there. It felt a bit like being in spectator mode.

Grian followed Cub all the way to Keralis' starter house, and when they arrived, Cub pulled pocketfuls of blue tinsel out of his inventory, and handed some to Grian. They barely had to exchange a word as they both set out to cover Keralis' house in the stuff. Grian zipped through the house, passing through hallways and walls, smiling the whole time. He wasn't sure if he was just giddy from the flying or some kind of vexy effect from the mask.

Once the house was sufficiently tinseled up, Grian and Cub flew away from the house and settled down on top of a nearby tree to admire their work.

“Oh, baby, Christmas came early!” Cub said to Grian, who laughed in response. Instinctively, Grian reached for the cane which he'd gotten used to having at his hip. It wasn't there. He thought back, and realised he'd left the cane behind somewhere in the house to hold more tinsel. He hadn't felt the effects then, but he was starting to now.

Grian's smile faded. He started to panic. “Cub, i-” he started, but stopped talking as the world changed back to normal with a flash. Grian lost his balance from the shock, and fell.

He dropped unceremoniously onto the ground next to the tree. The fall wasn't long enough to kill him, but it hurt quite a bit. Grian looked up to see Cub gliding down towards him, his face obscured by the mask.

Cub let out a high-pitched warble which Grian couldn't understand. Then he shook his head and pulled off his mask, revealing a concerned face. “Sorry. You good?” he asked.

“I lost the cane,” Grian said, trying to sit up. “I left Scar's cane in the house somewhere.”

Immediately, Cub pulled the cane out of his inventory and handed it to Grian, crouching. “I got you. Scar did that all the time as well, don't worry about it.”

“Oh. Thanks.” Grian took the cane, and tried to stand up, but failed. Even after eating a golden carrot to recover his injuries, his legs still hurt too much to stand on. “It's not... it's not working. The cane isn't working anymore, Cub.”

Cub nodded. “I'll go get a chair. Be right back.”

Cub flew off on his elytra, leaving Grian alone at the base of the tree. He was back quickly enough, bringing a wheelchair with him.

“Thanks,” Grian said as Cub put the wheelchair down and helped him into it. He sighed. “This sucks, Cub.”

“Yeah, that was my bad. Vexing can be a little intense, maybe we should've-”

“No, not the vex stuff. That was great,” Grian interrupted him. “I mean this... this whole situation.”

“Like, I've been working with Scar to try and get us back to normal, and he is not cooperating in the slightest. Which is annoying, but... I can't really blame him? Like, he's been running and flying around and having a great time, while I'm-” Grian gestured to the wheelchair. “It feels like he's upgraded and I've downgraded, and- no wonder he's being so obtuse! I want to go back, but I feel terrible asking him to.”

Grian took a deep breath. “Sorry. None of this is your problem, really.”

“No, no, I get it. It makes sense,” Cub replied. He scratched his chin, and said: “I think you should just give Scar a bit of time, and he'll come around eventually. I mean, I've possessed other people before, and it's always fun for the first few weeks, but eventually you just want your own body back. And in the meantime, you can discover some cool stuff to do as well. Heck, we just did!”

Grian nodded. “Yeah, I hope you're right. Thanks.”

“Wait, what do you mean you've possessed people before?”

“Should I show you how to attach your elytra to the chair?”

(next)

[nelkenbabe]

WIP Whenever Ivy & Twine: Shot Through The Heart

The Inquisitor has commissioned Dagna for one last project, which kept her from joining her girlfriend in Denerim. Sera doesn’t think that’s funny at all, and she knows just who to take her frustrations out on. I was tagged by the ever radiant @isayashai - I'm actually working on smth for once fghjk thank you bestie!. I tag @kirkwallgremlin @ava-du-mortain @bitchesofostwick @palipunk @star--nymph @siennamain From the top: [x]

Amaryll walked into the Main Hall. She veered to take a left to the garden to chat with the herbalist, when some commotion at the end of the hall caught her attention. Soft afternoon light glinted off Josephine’s sleeves, a dwarf’s joyous laugh rang through the hall, and a pair of colorful, mismatched clothes were obvious even from a distance.

As though she’d felt her eyes, Sera whipped around. And even before she’d opened her mouth, Amaryll knew she’d best get some distance between herself and her friend.

“Inquisitor!” Sera thundered through the Hall, echoes falling from the roof. “You’re dead!”

Amaryll dashed to the right, immediately.

“Sera!” she heard Josephine shriek, and then an arrow whirred close enough by her back to feel the ripples of disturbed air for just a second.

Amaryll threw the first door open. Three ways to go, all of them bad.

Go right, and she’d get to the battlements. Lots of ways to evade and perhaps throw Sera off, but also lots of open space for her bow and arrows.

Go left, up the stairs to the library. Next to impossible to shoot her on the winding stairs, a plus, but no way to go but up. She could turn in left to where Vivienne used to entertain, and if Sera caught up Amaryll could jump over the railing down into the Main Hall, so there was leeway. But if Sera anticipated her move correctly, she’d be waiting down there for her.

Amaryll could run further up the tower to Leliana, hope Sera wouldn’t bother, but there was no proper escape route from there if she did.

She swerved right through the next door, out onto the bridge. It was a gorgeous day, truly, a small flock of birds left the rookery to move across the almost lilac sky. A strong wind came from the east, blowing perpetually orange leaves onto the stairs to the tower as Amaryll rapidly approached.

She heard the whistle of another arrow and ducked left. It crashed right through the open door and onto the inner wall of Cullen’s office.

“Maker!” she heard him yell, as well as the unmistakable screech of a sword unsheathed.

Long legs, she cursed, panting. Why do her legs have to be so fucking long?

Amaryll took three steps at a time, then latched her hand onto the door frame to slither into a curve to the right.

“Sorry!” Amaryll yelled back to the Commander, but didn’t stay long enough to hear his flabbergasted response.

The heavy door crashed into the stone wall when she threw it open to bolt through. The distance to the next tower was short, and there was another creator-damned door, and then another. She almost ran into a soldier, and there was not even time enough to apologize. A horn blew somewhere in the distance.

Too many doors, they’re slowing me down.

She sprinted past the steps down to Herald’s Rest, had barely enough time to consider taking them.

Too much open space in the Upper Courtyard.

Nevermind.

But to jump on the roof of the tavern… or to go through the door in the next tower-

“Got you!” she heard Sera yell from behind, and accelerated.

Amaryll took the second to close the door to the next tower, and was grateful she did when a heavy Plonk just above her head indicated that another arrow had found its destination.

By now, her lungs were burning, the cold air parching her throat, but she pressed on. Up the stairs, but she jumped right over the stone railing onto the lower platform, and then again diagonally onto the stairs leading up from the Courtyard. An inconvenience, but it shortened the distance. She skipped the mage tower as well by jumping from the stairs leading up to it to the next section of the battlements.

“Andraste’s Ass!” somebody shouted, a mage, she supposed.

And: “Attack! We are under attack!”

Sera’s weirdly quiet, Amaryll thought. No more arrows, either.

She knew her well enough to not look back, didn’t want to get a flask of knock-out powder in her face.

The battlements were coming to an end, but that was fine. Amaryll knew Skyhold like a sunrise over morning-dewed hills, like the crackling of the Fade when she closed a rift, like cold mountain air in the night. She swerved right and jumped, slid off the slanted roof. She landed inside the herb garden with a mighty oof, ankles and knees slightly shaking from the impact. For a a few seconds, she allowed herself to just breathe.

It was then that she noticed how eerily quiet the garden was, and it was in that moment of realization that a big, colorful, blurry force tackled her to the ground.

“Got you!” Sera shouted again, but this time she meant it.

The only solace Amaryll had when Sera pinned her arms above her head, sitting on her thighs, was that the other rogue seemed just as out of breath as she was. Sera held tight, blue eyes piercing Amaryll’s, and a drop of sweat dripped down from her bangs onto her captive’s cheek.

For a while there, they just breathed. Then, Sera transferred her hold of Amaryll’s wrist from two hands to one, and fumbled with something on her belt.

��Dearest Sera,” she quoted in a mocking, high-pitched voice. “Gonna have to keep Dagna around for another project. Hope you understand. Love, Teetness.”

With a swift movement she tore a folded up, somewhat stained piece of paper from a pouch and held it in Amaryll’s flinching face.

“Bit daft of you, yeah? Not the smartest move from the mighty Inquisitor, yeah?”

“I remember I phrased it a bit better than that,” Amaryll panted, and earned herself a tightening of Sera’s grip on her wrists. She couldn’t help but gasp a little, then grin.

“Yeah, ‘xcept it’s the same bullshit anyways, innit?!” Sera said loudly and flung the letter away from her.

Amaryll held eye contact. She held it as her lungs slowly recovered, her breathing evened. She held it until Sera’s fury slowly dissipated and her scrunched up expression smoothed. She held it when Sera let go of her arms and shifted her weight to fully sit on Amaryll’s thighs.

“Stupid work,” Sera sniffed. “Friggin’… stupid.”

It took a bit of effort, screwed down as she still was by the other woman’s weight, but Amaryll managed to sit up. She slung her arms around her friend, and though it took a heart beat or two, Sera curled her arms around her neck and leaned her damp cheek onto the shorter woman’s head.

“I know. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you,” Amaryll mumbled.

“You’re an arse,” was Sera’s immediate response, but it lacked bite.

“I know. Forgive me?”

Sera sniffed again.

“Yeah, maybe. Can’t be mad at you. Takes to much energy, that.”

“You were doing so well, though.” Amaryll pulled away a little and put her hand to Sera’s cheek. Wiped a stray tear from her cheek. “No one’s given me quite a chase like that in ages.”

Sera gave a choked little laugh.

“You’re just saying that.”

But she straightened a bit, especially when something caught her attention. Both rogues listened closely.

“Boots,” Amaryll judged.

“Gettin’ a bit slow, them,” Sera said, critically. “Coulda killed you four times over by now if I’d meant it.”

Amaryll snorted.

[martwy-basen]

okay yk what. i almost always use tags to post my thoughts on things™, so this one's big. i had plenty of time to break down the topic while i was taking a shower and this is what i came up with.

the shortened version: joe fell first and harder

the 'i am actually insane about them' version: BEFORE I START, let's just make it clear that by 'fell harder' i mean 'the oh moment was much more dramatic and sudden', not 'A loves B more', like this one's bs, i'm sorry, but it is. anywho.

it's easy, almost too easy, to assume that joe would fall harder, because of his character. he's exactly the type of person to just wake up one day with a big realization (and, since we're talking about webgott here, with a big 'oh, FUCK no' as well). actually, i think that's what would happen. and, okay, all the homophobia and comphet and other shit aside for a while (bc i would need a whole other post and context to talk about that part): joe wakes up on, let's say, tuesday, with a crease between his eyebrows and a small (dissapointed) 'oh.' the feelings were there before, sure, he just didn't know what KIND of feelings. and now he knows and, jesus, fuck, that's NOT what he ment when he said to himself 'ugh, that guy's driving me nuts'.

meanwhile, web (and, mind you, it's still tuesday) still can't quite pinpoint what is it about joe, or, more specifically, his own feelings towards joe. he feels super baffled about the guy, and, sure, he wrote down every little thought and opinion he has on joe in his little pink diary with a glitter gel pen, and maybe, MAYBE, on page 12 he started writing about joe more softly, trying to understand his point of view, and, perhaps, i mean, who's to say?? perhaps on page 23 he decided there were no words good enough to capture the color of joe's eyes when the sun hits his pale face at that exact angle, so instead web started sketching joe's eyes on the margin, hoping that after all of this is over, he'll be able to find the perfect pastels to recreate the color of joe's irises; so what?? that's between him and pages 12-23. and no one else.

phew, got a little, hahah, carried away there. still: it's not really that they fall for each other at the exact same time, on that tuesday. they both felt things they couldn't quite name for so long now, that it's now impossible to go back and say with all certainty: 'oh, this is the moment where it turned out i like arguing with you, because i actually like you', but they both remember their 'oh' moment. web's realization was soft, calm, like placing down the last piece of a puzzle and finally seeing the whole picture, even though the clues of what it will look like where already there. joe's realization was like being hit by a truck, and then maybe two other trucks, making it out alive and then having a piano fall on your head. and all this happened on one tuesday.

[a-non-ymouswriter]

Hey anon! Um first of, I'd like to thank you for being the reason I'm on Tumblr, it's been a blessing(-and a curse) to be here!

Getting on the thing that I wanted to mention, on chapter; "L'manburg's final death" of Rewind, Theo is a shortened version of Theodore (I spent quite some time on finding which chapter this was mentioned actually,) and I'm quite intrigued by this to the point where I really can't stop thinking about it. Why is no one mentioning this more?? Is this on purpose? Does this have a purpose? Theodore??

Yeah, I've been wondering about that. Even before you made Remix. Why Theodore? Does it have a sentimental value? Is it to honour someone? dishonor? To memorialize someone? From a friend/aquiantance/someone he met? This strikes me as strange, and I think that makes me wanting for more. For answers. For the plot. For the story.

I love how you portray confrontations, reveals, emotions. For example, the confrontation- well, the 1st meeting of Theo and past Phil and Techno. You go and describe it to us as them being greeted by someone who they don't recognize. That it seems so impossible that this could be their brother/son because of how different he's become. It's as if you- you painted that scene so vividly that I can feel their dread spill from these mere sentences, phrases, and paragraphs from my small, bright, phone screen.

And also the confrontation of Toby and Theo when the former killed George? Wow, mind-blown. You characterized their emotions so perfectly by the use of Bold, Italics, and Caps Lock. I can hear them scream, cry, yell, their pain as they continue to fight and argue. I love it. It hurts so bad yet I love it.

I have so many more that I really wish to write in this message but, it's getting a bit too long ey? Ahaha sorry bout' that. But not really, you deserve to know that your works are what really make up my day, my thoughts, my daydreams, and my life. I adore these. And I do adore you for being the person that's the reason why these masterpieces exist. I look forward for each update, thank you very much A-Non!!!

i'm sorry for not answering this immediately, i just- i keep rereading this ask and it's- i'm really really happy :D

long asks and comments fill me with so much joy

and i also have bad habits when it comes to answering inboxes shhh

quite honestly, theodore was just a fake name that i wanted theo to 'go to' as the reason why he chose theo. but the real reason will always be because techno called him 'theseus'. he doesn't want anyone to know about that, and though he could've chosen any other name, theo was still his choice. why? complicated emotions and wanting to maybe cling to something of his past. or use it as a weapon for his future. who knows, the man is an entangled mess of problems. they all are.

theo not being recognized by past techno and phil just made sense yknow? he's definitely like a different person, it fits, he's not tommy. not their tommy, not the tommy they know- but even then i'd say that they still wouldnt recognize parts of tommy innit bc the guys been through a war and war changes people. i'd go more on it but this is already a long post.

personally i'd say my type of writing is, flowery in a way? i need to put down emotions in ways that make sense for my readers or emphasize them, try and get through them. i sometimes worry that i do that too much, is the paragraph too long? does it describe more than it should? less than it should? did i overuse the italics, the bolds, BOTH? THE CAPITALIZATION??

i'm that type of writer. i'm just glad that everyone likes my works, be it rewind, remix, wishes or stream labs. even my shelved works of uh, vindictive, book covers and monsters.

i really do not mind long messages and asks, they're a delight! though sometimes i can't match them in length like this one but every single one is deeply cherished :D so dont apologize! it's great!

i'm very flattered and happy, i'll be working on the next update soon! tho it still is unclear on which story update i'll be working on... the brain does what the brain does yknow?

[cowboymantis]

Let's talk about Kazuto Arase

Yakuza / Yakuza Kiwami , Yakuza 3 side content spoilers. Later on Yakuza LaD too, but I'll give a warning before that especially since a lot of people haven't played that yet.

So I have a lot of thoughts about Yakuza on my mind and just want to scream into the void about it somewhere to write 'em all down somewhere! I'm starting with... Arase.

Yeah, I know, a mostly very hated character (personality and battle-wise) that has so little screen time on top of it all too, is the first thing I'll be talking about.

Hear me out, I actually really love this character and only really started to appreciate him after I went for the Yakuza 3 platinum trophy... I've replayed this game so many times, I didn't mind it when I played through it first but seeing all the hate it has gotten, I went to replay it just in case and with that replayed it again and again because I just somehow loved it so much-

And you know, one part of Yakuza 3, also completion related so there was no way I could've missed it, were the Hitman missions. In general, after playing through all the main games I started to come back to a lot of characters I didn't like or minded the first time playing that are now some of my favourites (other examples are Tamashiro or Lau Ka Long, hell even Katsuragi)!

To come back to Arase, let's start with, well, the start: Yakuza / Yakuza Kiwami.

Introduced already in the very first Yakuza game, Arase is just there for a brief moment in the game, yet has a heavy impact on the game's story and Kiryu. It starts with Arase's oath brother Shinji being shot by Arases subordinate, Mochizuki, at least it looks like it. Shinji came here to rescue Reina, whose corpse then gets dragged on the roof of the Dragon Palace by Arase, Sergeant of the Nishikiyama Family. Now that's a pretty... heavy and sadistic first image for a character introduction, and honestly, his strong personality like that seemed also to be the reason he wasn't exactly loved by other members of the Family.

His battle theme in the first Yakuza game is called "Turning Point" which also puts more emphasis on how important this scene is, Kiryu breaking down, his scream when he sees Reina's body... It's really a turning point in the story.

In Kiwami, his new theme "Virtical Point" is also used as the intro song (or at least, the intro song "Vertical Point" is similar and shortened). Which also once again shows the importance of this piece.

Of course, he's not the most important character in the story, but it's still interesting to see how much there is around him other than his rather short appearance.

Then, his fighting style. Yeah, most hate this too and also the fact that starting from there, other bosses also sometimes use his moveset or a similar one. Like, take Jiro or Jo Amon or Andre Richardson... Basically just the usual dual wielding guns while being an athlete on crack - layout. It is actually not that bad, it's even less bad when you've got the right equipment but I have to admit I didn't really have that much good equipment when I first played all the games and basically just rushed through them because I just couldn't stop!

Arase's goal here of course was also to beat Kiryu but well, just like every other character ever, he couldn't do it and got beat instead.

And that's the end of that... The end of his part in the story and also the end of his part in the Nishikiyama Family, because he got disowned right after his failure.

Which is so... hmm... It makes me think. Many others have tried to take Kiryu down, too. And I mean, Arase was normally a very successful assassin, right? Yet this one failed attempt, at which everyone else too failed, got him disowned? Seems to me like they didn't like him and gave him an impossible task to have a reason to throw him out, huh?

And with that wonderful transition, let's get into his appearance in Yakuza 3.

You get introduced to the concept of the Honest Living Association, in short the HLA pretty much after Kashiwagis death. An association, founded by Kashiwagi to help Yakuza / former Yakuza who weren't meant for this life or just wanted out but just couldn't do in it on their own. For some, all they knew was the criminal life, so having a thing like this is especially helpful. Although, I'm kinda sad this was never a thing anymore after Yakuza 3. The whole concept of it was very cool.

Kiryu gets asked by Ibuki to help the HLA because there is an organisation of hitmen, also known as The Reapers (or The Avengers on PS3) whose goal was a different one than the HLA's, it was to kill Yakuza. The Reapers consisted of former criminals, mainly Yakuza, who were wronged by their superiours and expelled, disowned, you name it. Basically what happened to Arase.

Apprehending those hitmen is a totally optional part of the game and I have to admit, I didn't finish it my first time playing. Which is such a shame because it goes by so fast too when you play it after finishing the game! And the individual stories are all so interesting too, I've really enjoyed this side content and also replayed those missions already. You don't really expect someone like Arase to be behind all of it when it turns out to be him who is the founder and the leader of it all. I was already taken aback by Shinzaki being the lieutenant, or part of it at all. I often stopped by to listen to his guitar playing and talked to him, often asking myself is there's anything else up with him.

And once this one hitman contract came in and guitar playing was mentioned, I was just thinking "It can't be him...?", god, this whole side storyline just was so good. And here people come and say Yakuza 3 was a bad game.

The whole build-up to then reveal Arase was just so cool, honestly. It made me start to look more into his character after this confrontation. The fight was really cool too, just having to fight Shinzaki so many times wasn't really necessary, but Arase seems to like to fight alongside others, so fair enough.

And his theme "End Point" is also just so good. It's more similar to Turning Point than Virtical Point was. The name is also again fitting, since this is the end for The Reapers and Arases power.

It is made clear here that Arase has a strong hatred against the Yakuza and especially holds a strong grudge against Kiryu. He sees Kiryu as the reason he got wronged and had to leave the Yakuza behind, while also seeming to be very aware of the fact that the others there probably didn't like him at all.

He's so angry at him, he holds this whole speech and talks about revenge while Kiryu tries to talk some sense into him, eventually Ibuki also joins and tries to reason with Arase too. Telling him how that's what Kashiwagi wanted, even for Arase to find a new, honest life.

Arase is too strongly lead on by his grudges, so even though it seems like he might be thinking about turning his life around, he decided to not let them help him. Then he goes on about how he will definetly return to take revenge on Kiryu... Well. That's the end of that.

It becomes clear that Arases stubborn way of thinking is kind of childish. Not taking responsibility for any of his actions, thinking that his vile personality and actions are in fact the reason he got disowned. Failing to beat Kiryu was just the final puzzle piece to have a solid reason to throw him out. He's clearly unstable, doesn't think twice before shooting someone, he could turn on anyone and wouldn't be sorry for it. Just, he doesn't seem to really think about what he does.

I guess he probably thinks he's strong enough, he doesn't need to be careful. Also fitting for that is his fighting style in Dead Souls, how when he gets low on HP, he pretty much fends for himself, disregarding orders and just charging head first with full strength.

His Dead Souls appearance is also interesting. Okay, we all know, this game isn't canon, it's a spin-off and just doesn't fit in to the story. But it is interesting how he teams up with Kiryu for a bit and then leaves again. The game itself takes place after the events of Yakuza 4, meaning at this point RGG did remember that hey, they have a rival that swore to beat Kiryu one day. But after that... radio silence.

Really, this is such a shame. Just alone from his short appearances I can talk so much about Arase because he really is an interesting character with so much more potential! The only thing that's good about it is that he didn't die, making him technically one of the longest surviving characters in Yakuza which really is a great achievement.

Okay, we don't exactly know that he's still alive, but assuming due to there not being a mention of him being dead, he's probably alive. He might be, might not. Schrödinger's Arase.

One other thing I thought about is Jo Amon. I mean, his outfit and fight style is also similar to Arase, but that's not what I'm mainly thinking about. So the name Amon is for the greatest assassins, right? And they have a strong hatred against Kiryu at the beginning too.

So, putting those things together, Arase being a former assassin in the Nishikiyama Family, then the leader of a dangerous hitman organisation... Then, to fight Jo Amon in Yakuza 3 you also need to do all the hitman missions other than the substories and the IF7 fights. And to start the search for Amon, you also need to go to Ibuki again, where you got all the other hitman missions.

Yeah, it's a bit far fetched, but ... not too far fetched to think that maybe Arase and at least Jo Amon could know each other. I'd say, they could team up in a future game but. Well... Yeah.

Now some more things I thought about, I'll put a warning here though.

Yakuza LaD spoilers ahead!

Soooo, in this game we've gotten a couple of characters "back" ... Some more real than others... Thinking about Joon Gi's body double.

But one character that survived is Kashiwagi! Now the bartender of a bar named Survive. What a fitting name. After surviving such a heavy attack and believed dead by, well, everyone, it was the best approach to keep a low profile, start a new life. Also, he doesn't seem to be fit for any fighting after the incident.

So Kashiwagi is still there. And, now I just thought about, what if there was a possible redemption arc for Arase? Kiryu is believed dead now too, alone the fact that it seems that Kiryu never met Kashiwagi while being in the same area is kinda sad. I like to imagine they met each other...

I think it could go either way, Arase somehow got information on Kiryu being in Ijincho. He is a professional after all. Plus, by now Kiryu is also, well, not really working with... but. You know, not fighting with the Amon Clan anymore, even having Shin Amon to help determine Ichibans strength with the (True) Final Millennium Tower.

And, now, maybe there can be some other comnecting inside the Amon Clan and some info got out to Arase, ah, hell, I don't know, it's all so far fetched but I just like to have those possible headcanons of Arase somehow coming back!

Another possibility could also be Arase thinking Kiryu has died, just per chance being in the area and just going to the Survive bar? He'd probably be way more open about the thought of redemption and with Kashiwagi probably being pretty good at talking former Yakuza into that, given how the whole HLA was his doing.

Just... Thinking about possible things.

Yakuza LaD spoilers end here!

Well. That's that.

At the end of the day, the chances of Arase returning are pretty much 0, other characters you never thought of reappearing sometimes appear in one way or another, so it can be possible, but probably won't.

But one thing is clear, looking more into this character made me really appreciate him more. I guess that's the fact with a lot of characters, not just in Yakuza, but in general.

The characters in Yakuza are just so well written and even though it has some very weird and silly plot points and plot twists, I just love this game so much and looking more into it and replaying it is just so much fun.

I even started to like the minigames in Yakuza 3, even though I got very hopeless at the last pool opponent and the goddamn Mahjong completion, ugh. But at the end of the day it's all just really fun once you get the hang of it. It hasn't aged too well when you play it after the other Yakuza games, but replaying it on all the difficulties and then casually, then trying to beat it as fast as I can just made me love the game more and more every time.

So, uh... I don't know if it's a blessing or curse for me to often really like the characters that either everyone hates or have almost to screen time. Because well... there's such a lack of content and appreciation but hey that's what I'm writing this for!

I hope maybe someone starts to appreciate Arase more after this - if anyone even reads further after learning that I love this character. :D' I swear I tried to write it with as little bias as possible. I do know he's a morally very very grey character but after all, it's a video game character. (...There's no way I'll ever like characters like Yoneda...Ogita...Or Kume though... ugh)

Well anyway, with that, I go!

[ablackfangirlwrites]

72 hours

When you find out you only have 72 hours left to live and you only want to spend it with one person

Keigo | Hawks

"Hey, Kid."

Keigo said walking into your hospital room.

"....hi..."

Keigo tilted his head sympathetically usually when he called you kid you'd pout and argue that he wasnt that much older then you

But instead you gave him a weak smile

"Aw, whatever it was it couldn't have been that bad." He teased you.

The two of you had been friends for years

Keigo wanted to see you give him a real smile

When he first started being a hero thats when the two of you met

It actually was an accident

He was chasing a villain through a crowd and the villain decided to use you as a distraction by throwing you in the street

And he saved you

Once the fiasco was over you had found him and thanked him for saving you

And from then on the two of you hit it off

But only as friends

You knew he was a busy hero he didnt have time for a girlfriend besides the two of you were only friends

Plus there were so many girls that wanted him too

So what could you offer? It was easier to just stay his friend

And he had the same thought pattern more or less

Just stay your friend that way he could be close to you

Better he stay your friend then potentially mess up something by being in a relationship with you and you guys have a bad break up

"I'm gonna die Keigo..."

You told keigo trying to keep your from crying

But it wasnt working your were in tears

"What?" Keigo frowned walking further to your bedside

Eailer that day you happened to be close to a villain attack and ended up getting hit by their quirk in the crossfire

Whiched landed you in the hospital

And from what the doctors and police had told you apparently the villain that they were chasing was very dangerous and had a life shortening quirk

"They said I have 72 hours to live..."you sobbed

When you told keigo that he already figured out what had happened to you

And for the first time in his life he felt truly devastated

You were the first friend he had since he left from all his training from the commission

You were the first person he was ever in love with

And you were gonna die

"I dont wanna die keigo." He could hear the fear in your voice

"You're not gonna die Y/n," he tried to consoled you "I will figure this out, I wont let you die."

He was about to get up and leave but you quickly grabbed his hand

"Please don't leave me."

You weren't close to your family and Keigo was the only person you had left

"Y/n...I cant sit here and watch you die...I have to figure something out."

"The doctors already said there was no cure....the police said the same thing everyone that villain hit died three days later and I know you know that."

He did know it

The villain that hit you was on everyone's radar and he had killed a lot of people

And now all he could do was be angry that he wasnt the one who caught him

Cause if he was you wouldn't be in this situation

He knew there were so many attempts to stop the casualties from dying but none had worked

The two of you sat in silence for a while neither of you knowing what to do or say

Finally keigo spoke up, "What do you wanna do?"

Trying to suppress a cry, you'd whispered, "everything."

Up until now your life hadn't been that eventful

Yes you went out with friend and had good times but there was still so much you didnt do

Hawks sighed, "fine then we'll do everything."

"Hawks that impossible I dont-"

"We will do everything we can for the next 72 hours." He cut you off

"What?"

"We're going to do everything. Everything and more whatever you wanted to do in your life we'll do for the next three days." He told you.

You protested but keigo wasnt having it

He got and started to pull you up with him

"I wont let you go dying sad and alone in bed. We're going to take these next three days and live."

The two of you would do just that too

He'd take you everywhere he could too you'd see all the big sight of your city you lived in but never had the time to go see

He take you to eat all the food you ever wanted to try

Everything that you wanted he provided

And you enjoyed it as much as you could on the first day

By the second day you were so tired from all the excitement you wanted to stay home but Hawks insisted that you didnt

Things were bittersweet but the two of you were making the most of it

On the second days evening you were at a bar and you got into talk about all the other things in life you really wanted

"I wanted to get married you know Keigo..."

He would just listen to you

"I wanted to get married and live in a little apartment with my husband and just kiss him when he left for work and be so happy when I saw him come back. We'd be so in love... I wanted to have children too...I mean at least one" you were smiling as tears started to fall you wanted that life with him but you knew it was unlikely and now you knew it would never happen

"But I wont get any of that cause some stupid villain..."

"Then marry me?" Keigo said

You laughed but keigo grabbed your hand

"Marry me f/n? In the morning let's do it."

"Keigo-"

"I can't give you any children, but shit-" keigo had been feeling so many emotions with all this going on but he kept up a smile for you

"I hate that it took this all to happen. But I do love you F/n...more than a friend, and i would be so happy if you married me tomorrow."

You couldn't believe what you were hearing.

"You're serious?"

He just nodded

Not knowing where to even start you cried boy happy and sad tears telling him "Yes!"

"Keigo I've loved you for so long!"

And for the first time the two of you shared a kiss

First thing the next morning the two of you went to the court house to make it official

The two of you were so in a rush you didnt even get real rings instead the two of you bought ring pops

Hawks got you a cherry flavor one

And you got him watermelon

The marriage was simple and quick

The two of you didnt want to waste any time together

Cause these were your last 24

You did a few couple things but more than anything you just wanted to spend the rest of the time you had with him

Hawks got the two of you a honeymoon suite

Where the two of you laid in bed talking

Imagining what your lives would have been like together

Things eventually got started to get a bit hot and heavy but you'd stop him

Looking away from his gaze while he was over you

"Keigo...I've never....you know.."

He'd frown, "You never what? Ohhhh." He then exclaimed once he realized what you meant

"Really?...wait so you were gonna die without-"

Feeling embarrassed you tried to to hid your face, "I know just never talked to anyone really and you were the only one I wanted for so long....and I didnt want to tell you...I didnt know how you'd react I'm sorry dont-"

"Babe, clam down."

He rested his head against yours

"We dont have too."

"But I want too." You'd tell him

And so Keigo would make love with you for the first time

After the two of you would lay there together

Smiling, "we should have done that a long time ago."

Keigo laughed, "I know right"

Laying on his chest, "We're idiots."

"I love you f/n..."

"I'm glad to be spending my last few hours with you."

You smiled and held on to him tighter

"You're the best husband I could have asked for."

"You're the best wife."

"Do you think you'll get married again.."

Keigo didnt answer you

"I want you too."

"Y/n...."

You sat up, "This is my final will...and testimony...I want you to find someone else...dont live alone and sad. our friendship is beautiful and I love you..so when I'm gone I still want you to live...live for both of us...okay?"

Keigo wanted to stop you from talking but he knew this was important for you even if he didnt want to hear it

"....okay."

"You promise?"

Keigo didn't look at you, "...promise."

You knew this was going to be hard for him it was already so hard for you

"I'm going to leave now."

"What?" Keigo sat up alarmed "where are you going?"

"I dont want you to see me dead. The last memory I want you to have of me is a happy one."

As you said that you started to get dressed

"Can I talk you out of this? Stay with me?" He wasnt ready to say goodbye

But you said no

By now you only had about two hours left and your mind was made up

"Take this." He got up and gave you one of his feathers "so I'm with you."

"God, that's cheesey." You tried to laugh

But he didnt show any emotions he just wanted to be with you anyway he could "Please."

You nodded taking his feather and the of you shared your last kiss

Then you left

Keigo didnt sleep that night he only wondered what you were doing

After that night Keigo never saw you again

He didn know where you went he only knew you were gone

Keigo wasnt really the same after you were gone he did everything the same

But something was always missing

His best friend

But for your sake he did what you asked he lived

[barelyaware]

Chapter 3 of Purely Political is up ~

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Ao3

(rated M)

It's a little awkward between them for a few days. But soon enough, they're back to finishing eachothers’ sentences and laughing about everything and nothing.

Katara starts attending meetings about trade and international relations. She slips him notes when the council is being particularly stubborn and talks in his ear between discussions. She whispers to him the plans she's made for that day’s tea, new scrolls she’d like to share, or where she'd like to take a stroll after dinner.

Zuko finds himself happier than he can ever remember. Just her presence is enough to soothe his nerves.

The days go by quickly and the night of the roomshare finally arrives. While he's a little on edge, he knows that there isn't actually anything to be nervous about. After all, he knows nothing is going to happen between them.

Katara is already in bed by the time he enters his room and he makes sure to position himself on the very edge of the bed when he joins her. He's thankful he's had such a long day, otherwise there'd be no chance of him being able to sleep with her this close.

But it's not long before he's drifting off.

That night, Zuko dreams of Katara. He dreams of warm skim. He dreams of his hands pulling through luscious curls. He dreams of her mouth on his.. and then not.

When he wakes up, he notices two things at once. First, he's holding Katara, who's clad in nothing but sarashi wraps, against him in his arms. Second, he has a very stiff situation that's currently pressing against her backside.

Zuko is still groggy with sleep as his hips stutter forward against her on instinct before he can think to stop himself. He hears a high-pitched gasp in response and he can feel his blood run cold.

“Z-Zuko?”

Shit shit shit shit shit

He releases her at once and rolls as far from her as he can without toppling off the bed.

“Zuko, it's okay.” Her voice is full of compassion as she reaches for his arm, but he dodges her touch.

“No it's not! Nothing about this is okay!”

“Zuko, you need to calm down.”

“I DON'T NEED TO CALM DOWN! I NEED ..I need to leave.”

He can hear Katara start to say something, but he ignores her and storms out as quickly as he can.

...

Zuko doesn't mean to avoid her. At least, not at first. Meals have been awkward since that night. He doesn't know how to explain himself and Katara is still upset, based on her shortened sentences and clipped tones.

After a week of this tense atmosphere, he feels like he's losing his mind.

Then, a new set of tariffs is being introduced by the Earth kingdom ambassador and suddenly Zuko is drowning in paperwork. He takes dinner in his office that night so he can continue working.

The next day he tells himself that he’s taking his meals alone because there's still so much to do. After a couple days he finds it impossible to keep lying to himself about what he's doing. So instead, he tells himself that he’ll stop this childish evasion just as soon as he can find the words to tell her… to tell her what exactly?? I have feelings for you and I don't know how to stop them because I have no self-control. I long for you so ardently that I can feel my blood swimming in the veins of my heart everytime you hold my hand and I also cant stop thinking about pinning you against a wall and having my way with you..Fuck.

He only sees her in meetings and soon he finds himself appointing one of his advisors to take his place when he knows she'll be in attendance.

He's never felt like such a coward.

Without her near, time passes too fast and too slow. It’s now the afternoon before the night of their second roomshare, and he's banging his head against his desk trying to rattle together any coherent thoughts for how to apologize and explain himself . He's interrupted, though, by a few hard knocks on his office door.

He quickly fixes his hair and readjusts his robes to look somewhat presentable. “Enter.”

The doors swing open and there is Katara. Her eyes are red. It looks like she’s been crying and the sight makes his heart clench.

“Are you planning on avoiding me tonight too?”

“Katara, I'm not—”

“—don’t lie to me!”

“I'm sorry.” Zuko sighs, resigned. “I have been avoiding you and I’m sorry.”

“Do you not want me here?”

“No! I like having you here, I swear.” Zuko puts up his hands in surrender to her, trying to think of how to clear up this mess. “I’ve truly come to think of you as a friend.”

“A friend?” Her voice is dripping with emotions he cannot name.

“Was I being presumptuous? I’m sorry, I know we haven’t talked lately and I know it's my fault, I just—“

“I'm your wife, Zuko,” her voice is low and shaking slightly.

“I know that..”

“I'm your wife and we're meant to have a child and you don't even see me as a woman!”

Oh .

“Katara, we don't have to worry about that right now. No one is expecting that right away. The roomshare is part of the marriage contract, but it's really just tradition. We don't have to actually do anything.”

“You're being obtuse!” He doesn't like the way she folds her arms and looks at him like she knows something he doesn't.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” he snaps.

“Nothing. Absolutely nothing!” She’s starting to storm out and this is not what he wanted at all.

“Katara, wait! .. I do! I do think of you as a woman.” The words start to tumble out of him and as they do, they feel like they're burning a hole in his throat. “ Of course I do. Almost too much. I mean, wasn’t it obvious? I just.. I don't want to make you uncomfortable. I didn't mean to touch you like that and I'm so sorry, I mean, I know we didn't marry for love or anything and I don't want to mess this up.” She pauses and turns around, her expression softening ever so slightly. “But the last thing I want is for you to think that I don't like you being here. I'll control myself so please, just..don't feel uncomfortable around me and don’t feel like I don’t want you with me.”

Katara pauses for a moment, processing his words. Then she smiles softly and reaches out to grasp his hand. “I'm not uncomfortable. Not at all.”

Agni , how he's missed her hand in his.

…

Zuko has already laid himself down when Katara enters from the bathroom and drops her embroidered blue silk robe to reveal her sarashi wraps. His eyes linger on the bare skin in between them before he forces himself to look away. As she comes closer, he can smell the scent of jasmine on her and he swallows roughly as she joins him in bed. Her face is glowing in the candle light and he can feel his heart pounding.

“Goodnight Zuko.”

“Goodnight, Katara.”

“Umm, Zuko.. could you take out the lights?”

“Oh! Of course.” He extinguishes the flames around the room with one smooth gesture, just quickly enough to hide the flush of his cheeks.

Somehow, the room feels quieter in the darkness.

He probably won't get any sleep tonight, he thinks to himself. He can hear the clock on the wall ticking, painfully slow in the dark silence. But he can hear her gentle breaths even as he tries to focus on the nothingness.

And then she shifts, turning to her side. When she does, her body leans back into his. Her back is now brushing against his chest and he can feel a spark light up his upper body. A familiar heat he knows he’ll have to focus on to keep under control.

Then she shifts again.

Her body is flush against his. The heat starts to overwhelm him and he doesn’t even know if she’s awake.. but no, she can’t be—

“Zuko..,” Katara sighs as she leans her head into his shoulder and the sound shoots through him like lightning. His whole body stiffens up.

“What—what are you doing, Katara?”

She turns her head to meet his eyes over her shoulder.

“Zuko? I thought you wanted—”

Zuko puts a hand on her shoulder, trying not to jolt at the electricity he feels through her skin.

“Katara, I thought I was clear. We don’t have to do anything that would make you uncomfortable.”

Katara turns around to face him fully, a new ferocity in her eyes. “I’m not the one who’s uncomfortable, so stop using me as an excuse just because you are!”

Zuko tries to breathe like normal but realizes he’s forgotten how and he feels his exhales come out weak and unsteady instead.

“..It’s not that I’m uncomfortable.”

Katara reaches out carefully and holds her hand to his chest.

“You’re not?” Katara breathes in and out and he can see her chest rise and fall in the moonlight. “Do you just..not want me?

“How could I not want you?” The words are out of his mouth before he can think about what they mean.

“I want you too.”

He pinches his arm beneath the sheets cause surely he’s — Ouch ...so he’s not dreaming.

He can feel his eyes glazing over as he starts to give into the fierce heat rushing through him. He wraps an arm around her and holds her back firmly to his front.

His lips find the shell of her ear and he whispers, “You’re sure?”

He can feel the shiver down her spine and relishes the husky undertone of her voice as she replies, “I’m positive.”

...

Zuko wakes up the next morning holding a naked Katara, her head nestled into his bare chest and his arm around her with his palm splayed on the smooth skin of her lower back.

He tries to take stock of how he’s feeling but his thoughts are jumbled.

The only thing he can settle on is how wonderful she feels beside him at that moment.

She wanted him.

He still can't believe it. But he has no idea what this means beyond that or, he thinks to himself somberly, if it actually means anything at all…

[galaxythreads]

Suggestions on how to improve fanfic writing:

I was talking with @angelfishofthelord recently (not that recent, time is a concept that escapes our collective grasp) and I jokingly suggested that I make this post. I am in the middle of an insomnia night, so. Here be us.

Characters use the same nicknames and phrases inside their head as speaking. This doesn’t necessarily mean they’re sharing the humor they’re speaking. I.g.: For SPN, I see a lot of people write Dean as a little careless in his POVs, because that’s just how he portrays himself, but Dean, I think, while having a dark sense of humor, isn’t actually very funny in his head. Same goes for MCU and Tony Stark. Funny characters does not always equal happy head space. :)

Nicknames--this used to bother me to no end, because nicknames were never something in my family, and people shortening down the names felt wrong. But you nickname what you love. If someone has given a nickname (and not in mockery) to a character, chances are, they call them that in their head. Like in MCU Clint calling Natasha "Nat", or SPN Dean and Sam calling Cas "Cas" however, with that said, unless the nickname is self chosen, most people will use their full name when narrating. Castiel, Natasha, etc.

Headcanons! This is going to sound a little backwards, but headcanons have always helped me sort between characters. I know that some fic authors are very against headcanons, but to me, you HAVE to make these characters and their world your own, at least a little. You need to understand how their brain functions, and headcanons are a wonderful, wonderful way to do that. So long as you can conceivably fit them into canon, I think you’re good. One of the ones I have about SPN Cas is that he doesn’t actually give off body heat, so he’s constantly room temperature. It’s a detail for people that’s not Cas’s POV to notice. So getting some headcanons like that will help differentiate between POVs because it’s different things for characters to acknowledge.

Mimic writing that you admire. (And ask yourself WHY you like it) I really, really love the way that TFW/avengers team is portrayed in some stories, in others, I’m like “meh.” Write to please yourself, first and foremost, on how to read these characters thoughts. Those who agree with you will flock to be your audience, and they’re who matter.

Language/word choice is really important for POV change. Again, people talk like how they think.

POV change? Treat the character whose POV it is like they are THE most important person in existence. Their reactions get a front seat. Their five senses are your concern. What they notice about a character may not be true, but it's what they notice. They are human, not omniscient, ergo, they'll get things wrong. Even if the story is written with a completely different character in mind, this character is still the most important. POV's time to think, talk, panic, angst, express, etc. That chapter was about how they felt. That’s why sometimes, even if I really do want them to talk or something, a character might think “please don’t say xyz” because THEY don’t want that, and how I feel as an author isn’t relevant here. Remembering that they’re human, and need time to process/react to things is huge.

Practice, practice, practice. It does get easier with time, and effort. I promise. All of you would laugh at my first few weeks of diving into fandoms. That stuff is garbage.

Conscious stream of thought is generally the best way to engage readers, and the most enjoyable. This is how we immerse ourselves into the story. We become a part of it because we follow their thinking. It is always ideal to start where you are the most comfortable, whether that's 3rd omniscient, 2nd person, etc, but, in my opinion, you don't get that true "click" with the characters until you've conscious stream of thought them.

Research. Lots of research. Don't know how long battieres could last in 2002? Look it up. Don't know how to do stitches? Google it. Try to avoid making things up.

Look guys. Everyone understands that you are most likely NOT a doctor or have any semblance of a medical degree. This is fiction. Research what you can, and move forward carefully or vague it out with the rest. The worst that can happen is someone correcting information you got wrong.

Please, please, please stay within the range of human limitation. (Or whatever creature/being you are writing for) You can't lose more than five pints of blood. You CAN die from pain. Infection spreads quickly. I'm sorry. I just. Have read so many fics from newbie writers who push their characters past extremes that is almost impossible. You want to hurt them that bad, break a bone or something. Just. Please try to be realistic. (Don't misunderstand here, I love me some well-done whump.)

Again with the "you are not a professional thing." Those diagnosed with mental illnesses know that you may not be writing from true experience. This is okay. But please, please do not avoid using any words or phrases common with the illness as you try to "vaguely" write it. The more authentic you are, the less likely you will offend someone. Look. I would be so frustrated if someone tried to write about an ED and just... Avoided words like "starve" "binge" and "hungry" because they didn't want to trigger me. Like. Sweeties, I appreciate the thought, I do, but it's more frustrating that you can't even SAY it than actually putting it into your writing. So. Please just. If you're going to write about a mental illness, do so with the intent to WRITE it, not skirt around the bush.

With that, if you are not diagnosed with the mental illness your writing for (or suspect that you have some form of it) that's okay! Google symptoms to get a basic idea, and search for first hand accounts. People's experience is a lot different than the definition. For example, some of the most hilarious people I know are severally depressed, and Google will just tell you they are sad.

Write write and write. You are building a skill. You have to practice that skill frequently.

Do not be afraid to ask for feedback. Betas are wonderful. Asking for advice is wonderful. Being too shy and afraid of criticism for asking for help is perfectly okay. (Hello fellow traveler)

If your search history doesn't have you being watched by government organizations in the next few months, you aren't researching enough. ;)

Take your time. Quality over quantity. Do NOT conform to the update fairy that demands updates frequently. Look. I love my readers. I do. But you HAVE to take your time to finish things in order for them to be worth reading. If this is six hours or six years, that's that.

Do not give everything away. Stop answering questions. We keep reading because we have unanswered questions. Anticipation = good. Knowing everything at once: bad.

Do not put in funny for the sake of funny.

Insults should be insulting, not make people want to cringe and duck their heads.

Dialog should serve as people communicating... Like actual people.

Siblings (unless otherwise said so by canon) DO NOT address each other as "bro" and "sis"

Not a native English speaker? Cool. Natives would love to help you learn their language. :) English grammar sucks.

Analogies should make sense. They should flow smoothly into the writing. If they pop out, you've lost the attention of your writers.

please, please don't glorify rape, racism, homophobia, mental illness shaming/glorification, abuse, sexism, and other crappy things. Thanks. People came for a story, not to get their souls crushed.

[clubtuan]

between the lines | mark tuan

→ prompt : « I'm sorry .. »

→ rating : fluff, angst, comedy.

→ summary : Mark Tuan, and his 2 months stays in a neighboor .. are deeper than what people actually sees ! After losing his mom when he was only a child, he lost another someone, after cancer took his father.

 This time ; road took his love one, a summer night he got that call saying, his first love was dead even if the body hasn’t been find, her motorcycle was .. in han river with her bagpack, and her favorite jacket .. July, 23th 2015 mark the day L/N Y/N says her goodbye at age 21 !

→ inspired : Strongest Deliveryman.

It’s been two months .. two other long and painful months for Mark, a photo in his right hand just like every other time he looks at the paper and the smiles printed on it !

Him, and small brunette in his arms and two bikes in the back one black and the other white, he probably looks the happiest he ever been on this ! Both of them were doing the famous V sign with their fingers, a good friend of them : Jackson, was the one who told them he was taking a photo !

 A few characters were writing at the back of the photo : ‘ i love you – Y/N’

 The memories of his first girlfriend was one of his most painful wound, « I miss you Y/N » her name still as painful to say as ever ! The girl was full of positivity and joyful, one of the sweetest deliveryman of their neighborhood. Even after two years, he still remember her favorite group, song, smell and candle ! He also recall the smell of her perfume, one of his favorite .. damn after two years it was still impossible to forget her !

His bagpack on his shoulders and his helmet on his head, he was ready to leave this part of Seoul to go to a new one, not for more than two months !

A lot of thoughts were ruining in his head as he was on his bike, apparently this time one of the best deliveryman was also living in this neighborhood, none other than Park Yoon Ji, she made a name for herself in not even 2 years ! Working at Park’s, 23 year old and the fastest deliveryman of this area of Seoul !

 Two months in this place, would probably be okay the girl is nothing to be fear of ! She might be the ‘best’ but Mark, never wanted to be the best, he only wanted a job, and find something he promised to his dad before he passed away..

He was quite popular, because he was nice, and helpful to people around him ! He was strong and good looking but also give the ‘i’m the crazy dude from this neighborhood’ vibe.

 After his long early morning ride, he was watching the sunrise close to Han River. Sitting on the grass he was the only one here, no joggers, no kids playing, or persons going to work, he was alone, like the last guy on earth .. it’s been long since he came to this side of the river ! But for the moment he needed this, he needed to remind, moments of happiness, even if it was hard and tears were making his eyes cloudy ! Her laugh was like a melody is in his ears and her long brown hair flotting in the air !

 His eyes were close, but it feels like he made a jump of almost 3 years in the past, early morning at Han River with her was a thing they both loved to do !

« It’s not the time to cry Mark, you need to go to work »

A few seconds after his words, the sound of a motor could be heard some meters away from him, another bike, a dark grey one, and a slim figure on it a girl, he was sure of that ! All dressed in black and some white/blond hair could be seen just under the limit of the helmet. The inscription ‘SEOUL GIRL GANG’ was writing in white on her jacket.

 At the same moment, Park Yoon Ji was riding her bike to get away from the river side, and go back to her neighborhood.

Her friend Lee Dan Ah sends her a text saying her aunt was looking for her ! Her peaceful morning ritual has been shortened by that.

After some minutes, she was at her aunt and uncle’s restaurant ‘Park’s’ her bike parked beside the delivery scooters and her helmet in her right hand. « Park Yoon Ji, here to help you sir ! » her other hand in front of her forehead and a big smile on her lips « Yah yah ! Insead of doing weird stuff help me ! »

Yoon Ji, were close to her aunt and uncle, they were the ones who take her after her parents’ death !

« Palpalsuta needs some flour for their fresh noodles please go give them some ! » the blond shows her tumb to Park Sang Gu, her aunt before taking a pack of flour for the restaurant at the end of the street and where Dan Ah, Yoon Ji’s friend was working .. until she could make enough money and leaving ‘Joseon Hell’ as she was calling it !

 One of her earbuds in her ear she was humming the song ‘Pride and Prejiduce by Zico’ and was walking with the four against her chest.

« Hello ! Flour delivery by the one and only, cooles .. » her mouth was still open but she didn’t ended her sentence, at one of the tables were Dan Ah and a guy .. this guy, was Mark .

Yoon Ji didn’t says anything more, but give the flour to Soon Ae. « My aunt says you didn’t have and .. and i’ll be going »

 Her bangs was hiding a part of her face, well at least she hope it was ! Right now wasn’t the right moment ! To be honest the right moment .. it was never ! She could hear Soon Ae calling her as she was leaving the restaurant.

The tie of her converse was undone, but it wasn’t important at this instant ! She was almost running back to her work place ! Who could believe they saw Park Yoon Ji running at 9 a.m ? Not a lot of people .. but the delivery gang, consisting of : Im Jaebum, Bambam, Kim Yugyeom, Park Jinyoung and Choi Youngjae saw that !

« Amazing, so now she run in the morning ? » was questioning Young Taek, his 3 friends shrug their shoulders .. « Miss Park Yoon Ji, probably have a lot to do ! » Im Jaebum, the ‘leader’ and older of the gang awnsered.

 But the real question is, why was she running like a mad one ?

She wasn’t the shy type, more the I’ll have the last word ! And I know I’m right ! So why ?

And she wasn’t the type to have any physical activity if she didn’t have at least one cup of coffee and her coffee quota was : ZERO ! So what was wrong with her ?

« Have you seen a ghost ? you’re as pale as one ! » her uncle says, she shook her head before climbing the stairs to the appartement where the three of them were living .

The small cat of the family was sleeping on the couch beside her aunt. « So the flour ? » she gaves a positive sign to her aunt, before going to her room to change her clothes and trying to calm her heart.

 In such a short time, the girl changed so much .. too much for her own good, first her hair colour, until she decided to her nostril pierced, and soon after some ink here and there .. Park Yoon Ji was an artist stuck in ‘Joseon Hell’

And stuck in her past too ..

 She was looking at the picture she was hiding in one of her drawers, everything was simpler back then .. she was truly happy !

« Now is not the time Yoon Ji, now is never the time »

 The crazy and busy time of the day, the phone was rining again and again, her and Lee Jin Hyun who was also working here with her, were in their rush hours !

« Already back Yoon Ji ? » Jin Hyun was asking « I’m not the fastest for nothing » she answer him.

« Oh, and Palpalsuta has a new deliveryman ! »

He passed ? He passed Dan Ah’s test ? How is it possible ? She didn’t even passed this test ! And even if someone was ok .. they were gone after less than a week !

« Unnie, you okay ? » she turned her head to see the concern in Jin Hyun’s eyes « Hum ? Yeah.. i need to go noodles doesn’t go by themsleves »

 After her last delivery, the young girl has stop in a calm spot not far form her neighborhood, only to get a drink and get her mind straight.

‘Seoul is big enough, so why here ? I mean ok my name isn’t write in big neon letter at the entrance .. but still !’ Another thing caught her attention, the day date : ‘July, 19th 2017’

« It’s almost been two years since the young delivery girl crashed in the river with her bike » one says « Kids they don’t understand how dangerous those things are .. » the second says « Speed makes them feel alive for some seconds and after that kind of thing happen »

 Their words were like a ping pong ball, nothing more .. just sounds in the background of a bar ! Words with no backbones .. this is how Yoon Ji felt about that ! This is how she needed to felt !

Her phone was blowing with texts from Dan Ah, Jin Hyun, her aunt and the neighborhood gang ! All she wanted to do was throwing it in the river .. and forget, once again .. all she was asking for was a few hours of calm and loneliness.

 After his long first day, Mark was laying on the floor of his room, his arm under his head, he was looking at the ceiling of his room.

The sound of piano was filing his ears, thanks to his earbuds, his phone on is chest and no light in the room he was feeling at his ease at this moment, as if nothing ever happened ! But he knew, the next morning he was only going to wake up to an empty bed, the spot beside him will be cold as it’s now .. the unplanned sleep over with Y/N were the best, he would probably tell her some story of his day, and her would have been on his chest drawing some stuffs, and she would fall asleep in no time.

 He would probably tell her about the five weirdos he met earlier today, while doing his deliveries, the five trying to bullied him cause he was the new one and no ones knew him ! He knew they weren’t dangerous just trying to show off to girls ! He once was like that too, when he met Y/N, doing some stupid thing on his bike hoping to catch her attention.

- The young guy, sitting on his bike waiting for the brunette to finish her day at the restaurant. Playing on his phone he was waiting for her, findind the time really long, his bangs was starting to get in his eyes, maybe it was time to go cut it !

« Good evening boss ! » It was now or never ! He was filing his chest with air, trying to look manly.

 The brunette passed him, without even looking at him .. he scarped his throat hope she would look at him instead of her phone «  I saw you the first time ! » she said without looking at him «  I just choose to ignore you » now she was looking at him.

 She knew who he was, obviously : Mark Tuan, started here a month ago and was really good on a bike and okay, yes he was attractive ! She would be lying if she didn’t admit her crush for him !

And the dude was doing a lot of stuff to get her attention -

 The sleep won the war against the brown haired dude, who was now sleeping after what seems to a lifetime ! This neighborhood seems to be a bit weird, but cozy at the same time.

Yoon Ji, was her siting at her desk in her room, glasses on her nose and working on something that seems important enough to still doing it at 2 a.m on a Friday night, while also reading the text Dan Ah sends her to explain her meeting with Mark, how they almost ended up having an accident because ‘he’s not careful on his motorbike’ and ‘he just seems like an idiot to me i swear’ the last one was just ‘Yeon Ji asked me to shut up and just die or sleep ! Good night’ this one made the white haired girl laughed soflty. ‘our yoga leader needs to find her chill ! Good night’

 The sleep also won over Yoon Ji, who fell asleep at her desk, her computer still on and a lot of number on the screen .. her bank account seems to be full and a list of stuffs she apparently needed.

One of her hand was in her hair, and her other arm was what we can call a pillow. Her guardian angel or her aunt throwed a duvet on her, hoping her niece could find a little peace and doesn’t catch a cold.

 Her aunt, was just like a second mom for Yoon Ji, whenever she needed her she was here for her niece, no matter what .. she was here for her.

This is what family is suppose to do for you .. and family started to have a sense when the blondie moved with her uncle and aunt ..

 Sang Gu and Ho Seok couldn’t have a child, even if they did try for years and years ! So when Sang Gu knews her sister wrote down on her testament, she wanted that her sister her brother-in-law keeps her daughter when she wasn’t a part of this world anymore, the couple fight to have custody !

 Dan Ah, told Yoon Ji to meet her at Palpalsuta for the breakfast .. not remembering the new member of the delivery team, or she probably didn’t care !

Her short hair tied and a flannel too big for a slim figure, Yoon Ji was entering into the restaurant a bag with cups of coffee for her and her friend.

« Sorry, but we are close » Yoon Ji, almost forgot about him too, or was it the early hours playing with her mind ? « I know, i’m just here to .. take breakfast with Dan Ah »

This time couldn’t run away with no reasons .. the both of them were looking around, but at each others too when the other one wasn’t watching.

« -So Dan Ah has friends !

-Crazy, right ! » he was laughing after her answer. « I’m Mark Tuan »

All she wanted to tell him was that she already knew that, « Park Yoon Ji » was what she told instead.

‘Don’t think I would just forget about it, Hoping that you won’t forget about it .. - paper heart’

part 2?

[capsgirl19]

I know exactly what you mean. :/ The reason I don't identify as LGBT anymore is because of the ace discourse. My hackles go up every time I see someone shorten the acronym, but who's not going to shorten it when it's so long to begin with? It just becomes impossible to tell who's doing it because it's a mouthful and who's taking a hard stand on exactly who belongs in the community.

There's nothing more disheartening than knowing a ton of popular bloggers on here were reblogging exactly the same horrible shit you're talking about a couple years back, and equally knowing that no one cares enough to make them face even one consequence. Ace discourse may be gauche to discuss these days, but rest assured, that is the extent of it. If you bring up that someone contributed to the exclusionist movement on here, the reactions are indifferent at best and you'll likely be considered cringey for bringing up the fact that it had an effect on you at all. You can't talk about it. You say that it bothers you when people use just "LGBT" or that queer discourse or café discourse makes you uncomfortable, and somebody INSTANTLY crawls out of the fucking woodwork to go "omg guys apparently SAYING LGBT is aphobic now????? afschfdjbddhdsvv 🤣🤣🤣 [suspiciously aphobic and possibly terfy screenshot]"

I'm just tired of being a fucking joke. We never got to stop being the butt of the fucking joke, people just forgot the joke. If you bring it up, they will still laugh. They have fond memories of it. There was never any collective moment where these people all decided they were wrong and we were people actually, they just got bored and decided it was time to inflict it on pan folks instead. I don't ever feel as bleak and shitty about anything as I do about the ace discourse and its continuing fallout. I wish I had something nice to say at the end here, but I don't. There was nothing good or redeemable about it. So instead I'll just say sorry for dumping this tangentially related wall of anger and despair on your post, Ren. It was a really good point.

Reminder that the discussion about needing non-alcoholic and all-ages queer spaces was pretty universally agreed on until asexuals started agreeing that we wanted access to them, too. Then suddenly it was "homophobic" to point out that gay bars aren't accessible to all.

I have a hair trigger for this conversation because of how many times it has been brought up SPECIFICALLY to drag ace and aro people through the mud. If someone shits on the idea of queer cafes, my hackles go up, because of how often that topic has been used to abuse aspecs.

"do you have a source"

I was a mod on a few different ace & aro positivity blogs roughly between 2015-2019. I have seen some shit, y'all. "Queer cafe" discourse isn't inherently aphobic--of course it's not!--but it gets used in a shitty way A LOT.

(TW sexual assault & substance abuse) Also, I won't go to queer bars anymore. Half my friends are recovering alcoholics, and one of the few times I DID go to the local queer bar, some twink I had never met tweaked my nipple because he thought it was funny. So.

Alcohol companies prey on queer people. Underage queer people exist. Disabled queer people exist. Sober queer people exist. All these are reasons for non-bar queer spaces.

But the SECOND aspec people started agreeing with that? The discourse changed. Suddenly queer bars were sacrosanct and could never be critiqued or you'd get called a homophobe.

It's directly rooted in aphobia. And nobody really talks about it outside aspec places.

tbh I feel completely insane a lot of the time because of how many things immediately put my hackles up bc they've been used to abuse aspecs

but y'all, there is SO MUCH of it

Aspecs have been consistently abused by the entire rest of the queer """community""" for so long.

"dare I say asexual" is a phrase that will immediately activate my fight-or-flight

I can't look at aspec pride edits anymore without remembering the mass-spamming of aspec tags on tumblr. They were full of gore, animal abuse, and fake pride edits proclaiming people like Ronald Reagan and Charles Manson as "ace icons" for no fucking reason other than hurting people

There used to be a lot of common community pride symbols that were pretty well known across most English-speaking aspec spaces. They're almost completely gone now.

And I just...I feel so paranoid and insane and overreactive, and it's so hard to explain to people who didn't live through it that, yes, there are lots of seemingly-innocuous things that got used as abuse tactics against entire aspec communities. And we don't get believed.

idk man, I just want to see more people talking about the way pretty much every single ace or aro person has been traumatized and gaslit and forced out of queer spaces. The "it only happens online" bullshit hasn't been true in fucking YEARS.

It IS happening IRL, y'all. I don't go to queer events in my city anymore, even pre-covid, because I've had falling-outs with multiple ppl in my community who decided to shit all over aspecs. It's not the only reason, but it's on the list.

Aphobia is REAL, it has MATERIAL effects, and it HURTS.