#I'm so sorry I don't answer asks often... but I appreciate all the messages I get!

[faragonart]

I absolutely love your Au Ra boys. I just found them 5mins ago and I would protect them with my life. (I'm also fixated on my Au Ra/Highlander girl so I get you)

Awww wehhh!! Thank you so much! I'm glad you are enjoying them!! @pali-himbo would also be excited to hear this, hehe~

We have an entire journey between us about these two and others as well (and too many AUs...), and I really wanna share it all on here, or at least as much as I can! We love our blorbos... so much... maybe too much... BUT I'm glad that people here understand... the GRIP our WoLs have on all of us... (I honestly really enjoy seeing people enjoying their own WoLs as well it's so FUN!!)

Here have an old dooble I did of the two~

[marshmallowgoop]

(Previous DCMK-game anon) That was exactly what I was looking for! Thank you so much, you are was so helpful and so kind to take time out of your day to respond! Hope you've been well :) ❤️

[Game ask]

Aww, Anon 🥺 I'm glad I was able to help! I love talking "niche" DetCo content—there's a lot of fun stuff out there that I like bringing more attention to!—so I love asks wondering about that kind of thing. Gives me an excuse to ramble!

Thank you for such a sweet ask!

[nicka-nell]

omg ur taking requests!

can you do some angst to fluff with Atsumu, Iwaizumi, Suna, Kuroo, Ushijima, and Sakusa (I’m sorry if they’re too many you can choose whoever you want to write about from these characters, I luv all of them soooo much)

Can you make it like really really Angsty in the start. Like the characters doing something they’ll regret a lot and then they spend a lot of efforts making up for it? Please make it fluffy in the end, I can’t handle sad endings 😭

Also please don’t include anything with infidelity or mentions of it. My boyfriend of 3 years cheated on me last month and I’m having such a hard time.

Thank you for considering my request. And there’s no pressure to accept, I don’t mind at all.

Hi! yes I am taking requests right now. 😇 First of all, I'm so sorry that you had such a negative experience. But tbh, you're better off this way. Nobody needs such an ass cheating on them! 😔😤 My ex did that too, with my ex-best friend btw. I also had a hard time but quickly felt better because I realised that it's a waste of time to cry over such a dick. I hope you don't lose hope in a healthy relationship based on trust. There really are good people out there and I hope you find someone who can appreciate you. Sending you a lot of hugs and kisses. 🤗💚❤️‍🩹

And for your request. I've written three stories for Tsumu, Iwa and Suna. Unfortunately they got a bit tooo long for my taste, so I only made these 3. I hope that's okay. I really had problems making it super angsty (urg, I need more practice for angsty stuff 😵‍💫). As you wished, I didn't include anything with cheating (even though I had a few ideas haha.) and I also added a trigger warning before each story. I think Iwa's and Suna's in particular might be a bit darker... so you can decide on your own if you want to continue reading it or not. Anyway, I hope you still like it, and thanks for your request. Stay healthy! 🥰💚

Regretting their actions

Pairing: Atsumu x, Iwaizumi x, Suna x reader

Warning: angst to fluff, break-up (Atsumu, Suna), mention of abuse/anger issues, mention of blood (Iwaizumi), mention of abortion, mention of drugs/pills (Suna)

Part 1 | Part 2 (End)

tw: mention of break-up

You met Atsumu when he came to his brother’s onigiri store for the housewarming.

The two of you got along well quickly. And it wasn’t long before he kissed you at a party, looked at you with his cheeky grin and said, “Tastes better than a victory.”

More things happened that night. Not just simple kisses and when you woke up next to him in bed, he asked you, still sleepy: “You’re my girlfriend now, aren’t you?”

You’ve been together for several years now and were thinking about moving in together soon when Atsumu’s career suddenly took off. He was traveling abroad more often and had less time for you or looking for an apartment.

And then it happened…

You scroll through the apartment search app for something suitable for the two of you, lying on the bed while missing him terribly. You close the app to go to your messenger, only to realize that you were the one who last texted Atsumu... two days ago… Two blue check marks indicate that he has read your messages but has not replied. Your fingers hover over the keypad of your phone and you think about writing to him. Maybe he read your message during training and didn’t have time to reply. Maybe he just forgot about it afterwards... maybe...

“Hey Tsumu... I know you’re busy but, I hope you’re doing well. Love you.” you type into your phone and send the message with a strange feeling in your stomach. It doesn’t take long before you see under his name that he is online. The gray check marks next to your message turn blue, but instead of replying, you see that he went offline again. You swallow a big lump down your throat, your heart feels heavy. Maybe he can’t answer you right now... you try to convince yourself again.

Several hours pass as you sink your head into your pillow and try to stifle your tears. Atsumu’s sports t-shirt is in your arms, which he had given you before his trip abroad. Time passes and suddenly you hear the ringtone of your phone as a message arrives. Your heart hits loud against your chest as you reach for your phone and see your boyfriend’s name. But your joy quickly disappears, the lump in your throat gets bigger and you can’t breathe. 

>> Hey... listen, I think it’s better if we end the relationship… break up. I don’t know, but I just don’t have time for it. I’ll see you around. <<

It feels like a slap in the face. As if this is a poor joke. You want to write to him, ask him what this is all about, but your tears blur your vision. The only thing you send is a “really?” but the message is no longer read. It remains on one gray check mark.

Two days go by and you still think it was all a bad joke, but every time you read his message, you feel like throwing up. Has he really dumped the whole relationship? By a shitty text message? You open your Instagram account and enter his name almost as if on autopilot.

Another slap in the face as your tears run down your cheeks again. His bio no longer says “Best setter and proud boyfriend” but simply “Setter MSBY Black Jackal”. All the pictures he had with you on his account have been deleted. Instead, you can only see advertising photos or private photos of him. The last eight pictures are of him, Hinata and Bokuto dancing and having fun with fans in different bars. Atsumu grins at the camera as if he doesn’t care about you at all. As if your relationship meant nothing to him.

You text him some more times, leave him voicemails because he never answers your calls. But after a few days, you let it go. It only frustrates you even more to see how little this relationship actually meant to him. For days, you cry yourself to sleep, what doesn’t go unnoticed by Osamu. After all, he sees you three times a week when you help him out in his store. When you tell him what has happened, he is also speechless, because Atsumu has really pissed him off with all his raving about you. So why would he break-up with you out of the blue? Osamu can’t see you as devastated as a heap of misery. So he also tries to find out the reason for the break-up between you and his silly brother. But when he calls him, Atsumu only faces him coldly on the phone. “Did she tell you to ask me? Leave it okay? I think I just realized that I don’t want a relationship.”

Two months go by and somehow you still can’t believe that your relationship just fell apart. Osamu tries to distract you somehow, but it doesn’t help because he reminds you too much of your idiot ex-boyfriend.

Nevertheless, you are grateful to Osamu for swapping your shift with his coworker’s shift so that you can open the store with him in the morning. That way, you avoid running into Atsumu, who is more likely to be in the restaurant in the evening as soon as he returns from his stay abroad. You’re not ready to face him at the moment.

Just as you’re about to finish work, you remember that you wanted to show Osamu a video on your phone. “Look, the new trailer for the second season of this soccer series is out. Shall we watch the first episode together on Saturday after work?” you ask Osamu as he approaches you and looks over your shoulder. He rests his hand on the counter next to you, his chest almost touching your back, but he keeps his distance from you respectfully. You are both focused on the trailer, not hearing the doorbell from the store.

Atsumu is tired. The flight was delayed, and he hasn’t been able to sleep properly for weeks. How could he sleep well with all the partying and Hinata as his roommate, who spent the night in the hotel calling his friends from Karasuno. At least that’s what he tells himself… that this is the reason for his sleepless nights. But this thought vanishes when he steps into his brother’s store hungry, actually only wanting to eat a few onigiris and then go home. Into his apartment. His empty, dreary apartment. But as he walks through the door of the store, it feels as if someone has hit his chest with full force, knocking the air out of him.

He sees Osamu leaning towards you with a sense of familiarity. What’s going on there? And why does it bother him so much that you giggle and look at Osamu, who returns your gaze with a nod and a smile before turning to the door? His brother winces when he sees Atsumu. As you turn around as well, your smile disappears.

You look at Atsumu as if you’ve just seen a corpse, before packing your bag and saying goodbye to Osamu with a “See you tomorrow.”, only to walk past Atsumu with quick steps. You don’t even give him a glance, knowing that if you locked eyes with him, your tears would run. You would want to ask him questions upon questions. Why did you break up with me? Why am I not enough for you? Why did you lie to me for so long? Why...

As you walk through the door, you accidentally bump into him. This nudge, which was actually rather gentle, felt so painful. Why does it bother Atsumu to see you standing so close to his brother? Why does it hurt him that you stared at him with those empty eyes, as if he were a stranger? No. Worse, as if he were someone who had hurt you. Why does he have the feeling that he couldn’t make a sound if he opened his mouth now? The answer is simple, and even Atsumu seems to understand it by now as he looks from the now closed door over to Osamu, who stares at him with an indifferent expression crossing his arms in front of his chest. “So this is what someone who has realized that he doesn’t want a relationship looks like? Ya look like shit.”

Oh, how Atsumu would love to punch Osamu in the face. “Why are ya touchin’ my girl?” is bitter on his tongue, but he has no right to say it out loud. After all, he was the one who turned you down. The blonde Miya suddenly realizes how incredibly stupid his action was.

Back then, Atsumu had not expected to be traveling abroad so often. At first, it was only temporary stays. Nothing that would damage a relationship.

But the last few times in particular, he was sometimes away for several months. You kept telling him on the phone that everything was okay, but every time he called Osamu, he said that your eyes were sometimes red when you came to work and that you looked tired and sad.

Atsumu knew he was the reason. That you’d probably be better off without him. After all, you’re a great woman, someone who would find a new partner quickly.

You didn’t deserve to be sad all the time when he was gone. You should be happy. After all, a smile suits you so much better than a sad expression.

Atsumu would concentrate on his career. It would be difficult for him at first, but he would manage without you. He had to… for your sake.

So his mind was made up when he read your unanswered, concerned messages. If he texts you now to say that it’s over, being an ass to you, you’ll be able to forget him quickly… That was what he thought. 

But it wasn’t that easy. Your puzzled messages, your crying voice on his voicemail, broke his heart. Yet he tried to cover it all up with parties and his dear fans. He convinced himself that he was fine. Only to arrive home, see you and realize what an idiot he was, how much he missed you.

And now it’s Atsumu who reaches for his phone and texts you message after message.

Atsumu 8:02 PM: Hey babe, no.. hey Y/n. I know I have no right to text you. But please… let’s talk. I fucked up. Damn, I fucked up so hard that I don’t even know how to start… shit…

Atsumu 8:12 PM: Please… please answer your phone, babe…

Atsumu 8:44 PM: I know I’ve fucked up. I know I hurt and disappointed you. Fuck, I know I was an ass. Yk, I thought I was doing the right thing. 

Atsumu 9:34 PM: Fuck… please answer me… I still… damnit. 

That was the last message you received from Atsumu before you put your phone away and tried to forget him. Why is he doing this to you? Why is he stirring up your feelings again?

But Atsumu doesn’t think about stopping now. He runs to your house, to the apartment building and rings your doorbell. Once, twice, he rings so often that you can’t ignore it. You are about to tell him to leave through the loudspeaker system, but he interrupts you.

“Fuck baby, please open the door. I’m… I still love ya, okay? I always loved ya. I - shit, can ya even hear me? Fuck…” he curses agitatedly and presses the bell next to your nameplate again several times.

But instead of letting him in, you go down to the entrance of the apartment building and open the door with an expression on your face that Atsumu has never seen before. What is it? Anger, sadness, despair? Everything somehow.

“Say... are you kidding me? Do you think that’s funny?” you ask him, bewildered, still standing in the open doorway. Of course, you wouldn’t just believe him. Atsumu could have guessed. Your reaction was completely understandable. But he has to do something to show you that he’s serious.

“No, no, I don’t. I’m dead serious. Please let me explain,” he says, and starts to tell you that he thought a break-up would be best for you because he’s not good enough for you. Since you were obviously so sad about him leaving so often and he didn’t want to be the reason. He tells you that he thought he could get over you, but that he had to realize that you are the most important thing to him. Something… someone he doesn’t want to lose. With shaky hands and a still agitated voice, Atsumu takes out his phone.

“I wanted ya to hate me so that it would be easier for ya. But believe me, I... I couldn’t forget ya. Look, you’re still my wallpaper. All the photos of the two of us are still on my phone, all the memories-“ he is about to unlock his screen when his phone falls out of his hand and drops to the floor. Atsumu seems to be completely overwhelmed right now, as if he doesn’t know what to do. Should he bend down, pick up the phone, should he keep talking to you or hug you? He doesn’t know.

”Baby, please, please, I’ll do anything. Please gimme a chance. I’ll talk to my agent about not takin’ so many jobs abroad. I will be with ya more often. Always write to ya and call ya in the evening when I’m not at home. Let’s look for an apartment so we can move in together. Please, please, I would do anything. Please believe me that I love ya. Please..." he begs in a voice that becomes more and more brittle with every word. His eyes are full of emotion and his hands, which have unconsciously reached for yours, are trembling terribly.

“Two months... two months you ignored me, treated me like a piece of trash.” You say in a low voice as you search for eye contact. Atsumu has never felt so scared. Only now does he realize that the love of his life is standing in front of him, and that this might be the last time he’ll see her again, the last time he’ll touch her skin. But then again… Atsumu was an ass, so why should you forgive him? No, he can’t think like that. After all, you loved him. And if you love him as much as he loves you, then maybe there’s still hope.

“I know, and I know I can never make it up to ya. I know it’s not done with an ‘I’m sorry’. I’m the dumbest, most idiotic ex-boyfriend you’ve ever had. But... I’m stubborn too. And if that means chasin’ after ya for 10 years, drivin’ to yer apartment every day to ring the doorbell and tell ya I still love ya, wishin’ ya a good night every day, nice dreams and telling ya how important you are to me... I’ll do it. Every damn day, if it means there’s still a little hope for us.” He answers you hoarsely, keeping eye contact, hoping that you see how honest his words are.

You sigh, bend down, and pick up his phone before handing it to him. Atsumu doesn’t know what to do with all this. His face grimaces as if he’s expecting the worst. “Then... you shouldn’t lose your phone... if you want to write to me every day,” you answer him, a weak smile on your lips. Atsumu’s sorrowful expression suddenly changes and you see him looking at you with hope.

“Does that mean ya...” the blonde Miya can no longer contain his emotions as he leaps forward and pulls you into his arms. His embrace is so tight that you can barely breathe, as if he’s afraid you’ll slip out of his hands. Firm, but quivering. His whole body is shaking and you’re sure you’ve just felt something wet on your skin. Tears? Is Atsumu crying? “I promise to be a pain in yer ass every day. To text ya, to call ya, to be there for ya. Even in yer sleep. Okay? I love ya... I love ya so much...”

tw: abuse, anger issues, mention of blood

You’ve been with Iwaizumi since your school days. Back then, as a little flirt at school, Oikawa and Matsukawa mainly teased Iwaizumi for having a crush on you.

But in the end, many were jealous of the perfect couple who waltzed together on the dance floor at the prom with loving looks on their faces.

You were inseparable. Even Iwaizumi’s stay in America for his university didn’t affect your relationship. So it was no wonder that you got married after his return and were the perfect happy couple.

At least for the first few years.

The stress of being a coach for the Japanese national team is weighing on Iwaizumi’s mind. He normally handles stressful situations well, but he is under pressure.

If the team fails to perform in the next few games, he will lose many sponsors and possibly even his job.

Iwaizumi is constantly on edge and you feel like you have to walk on eggshells around him so you don’t provoke him.

More often, he has sudden temper tantrums, shouting at you about things that aren’t worth mentioning. “Damn it, I told you I need this one shirt for today. Why isn’t it clean?”

And once, when you stumbled with your words and asked him whether it might not be better to take a break as a coach, he was so angry that he almost hit you. But he managed to hold back and just sighed before going out for a beer in a nearby bar.

You don’t want to admit it to yourself, but right now, you’re really scared of your own husband.

Today was another training match between the Japanese national team and the Indonesian team. The team’s performance was better, but nowhere near good enough to shine. You watched the game on TV and run through your imaginary list in your head already, of potential trigger points for Iwaizumi. You don’t want him to get upset. The laundry is done; the house is clean; the food is also ready and in the fridge. Did you take out the trash? You chew nervously on your lower lip as you walk to the kitchen and let out a relieved sigh. That’s done too.

You are just closing the lid of the garbage can when you hear the key in the lock of your front door and Iwaizumi comes home with a surprisingly normal, “I’m home, my love, smells good in here”. Your shoulders relax immediately, a smile is back on your lips as you walk cheerfully into the hallway to greet Iwaizumi.

“Hello darling! How was your day?” Iwaizumi hugs you and leans down so you can kiss his cheek. “Let me eat something first. My day has been really exhausting,” he sighs, watching you nod and turn around to warm up the food for him. Your husband hangs up his jacket, puts down his bag and is about to turn around to follow you when he stumbles against a nearby vase that you had placed as a decoration for the fall changeover. The vase swings, loses its balance and falls to the floor in pieces.

“Shit!” You hear Iwaizumi curse and immediately run to him, anxiously hoping that nothing has happened to him. But luckily, he is unharmed. “Wait, I’ll clean up the broken pieces, you eat-“ you’re about to say, but Iwaizumi interrupts you loudly. “Always this stupid bullshit you put up. Shit, I could have hurt myself. If I miss now, that’s it for my career!” he shouts and stomps past you. You turn around hastily and apologize. “That wasn’t my intention, really,” you say, before realizing that it was a mistake to talk back. Iwaizumi turns around, his eyes ferocious and angry like a wild animal as he takes a step towards you. Your heart is beating restlessly and you are suddenly afraid.

“Not your intention? Admit it, you’d be happy if I got rid of the job!” he shouts, noticing how you start to tremble and shake your head. But Iwaizumi doesn’t seem to be in his right mind as he takes another step towards you. “Go clean up the mess! Make yourself useful!” he says through gritted teeth as he looks at your anxious and puzzled face. You know you should move, but your body doesn’t seem to listen, too scared to move a finger. And then it happens.

Iwaizumi grabs you by the hair and pulls you towards him. You cry out, weeping bitterly as you hear his voice again. “Are you deaf?! Get going!” he shouts, before pushing you away with more force than necessary. You lose your balance, stumble over your own feet as you fall and hit your head on the edge of the stairs in the hallway next to the broken vase. Your head hurts terribly, something warm flows down your face, sticking to your hair and making your vision suddenly completely different. It gets smaller and smaller before everything goes black in front of your eyes and the sounds around you stop completely.

Iwaizumi is abruptly perfectly sober and only now understands what has just happened. What he has just done to you, the woman he loves more than anything.

His eyes are big as he stares at his hands, which start to tremble in front of him.

Panic spreads through him as he looks at you. At your motionless body, at all the blood under your head.

He doesn’t know how he did it. His memories are hazy, but he can still remember trying to wake you up, in vain.

He had taken off his shirt, pressed it on your head injury to stop the bleeding and somehow managed to call an ambulance. Iwaizumi can’t remember anything else, just the one question from the paramedic who put you on the ambulance stretcher and took you to the hospital. Since Iwaizumi was your husband, he was allowed to drive with you.

“How did this happen?” the paramedic asked, as Iwaizumi answered quietly, “I don’t know... I really don’t know.”

It’s now been some hours after the accident and your head had been stitched up. Thank God it wasn’t as bad as it looked at first.

You’re still in the recovery room, Iwaizumi next to your bed on a chair, his hands folded in his lap as he hangs his head in bewilderment, looking at his wedding ring shining on his ring finger.

What happened? What has become of him? He still can’t believe what he has done.

He looks at his hands again, opens them, starts to tremble, clenches them into fists and realises how he lets out a frustrated sigh, which he had been holding back, as warm tears roll down his cheeks, soaking the fabric of his trousers.

In his mind, there’s only your shaking body, that frightened look, your screaming, and then this unbearable silence.

When you open your eyes, your head throbs a little and you have to squint through the bright, clinical light. “Where... where am I?” you say quietly, looking around the room and noticing that you’re lying in a hospital room. Next to your bed is none other than Iwaizumi. But he looks different. Broken… He shrinks at your words and looks up at you. You see his red eyes and how he hesitates whether it’s okay to take your hand in his. Iwaizumi gets up from his chair, wants to close the distance to your bed but his legs collapse and he falls to his knees when he suddenly starts to... cry? 

“Haji- me...” you say, still feeling exhausted. “I’m... god I...” Iwaizumi doesn’t know what to say, doesn’t know how to look you in the eye. He takes a deep breath, regains his courage before peering at you. Carefully, he grasps your hand, checking if you are afraid, but you don’t seem to pull it away. Maybe because you’re still too tired. Awkwardly, he strokes the back of your hand before resting his forehead on it and closing his eyes briefly.

“I’m a terrible husband. I’ve done everything I shouldn’t have done. Instead of carrying you on my hands, bringing a smile to your face and protecting you from everything that would harm you, I’ve done the exact opposite. Instead of being happy to see me, you’re just scared of me, aren’t you?” he says in a shaky voice and looks up at you again. You are calm. Just stare at him with a hurt look.

“I.... I can understand if you want a divorce. If you don’t want to be with a monster like me anymore. I really can’t even blame you. But... please let me tell you one thing. When I saw you lying on the floor like that, the world collapsed inside me. I was afraid of losing the most important thing in my life. And the most important thing is not my job, no, it’s you. And I’m ashamed that I’ve forgotten that. I am disgusted with myself and I know that is no excuse. What I have done is unforgivable. But please... if there is still a bit of hope, then I will try to do everything I can to be the man you fell in love with again. I want to be your Haji-bear again. Your place of peace, and your favorite person. I will go to anger issues therapy, behavioral therapy. If it’s better for our relationship, I’ll step down as a coach and see if I can find a job as a volleyball coach at a school. No matter what, I would do anything.” Your hand becomes wet as his tears land on it. His words move something inside you. You want to believe him, you don’t want the relationship to end either, but everything that has happened so far will not pass by without damage.

“I need time, Hajime... If you really mean it, please grant me the time...” you answer him and notice how your words seem to tear him apart. But at the same time he seems to want to make the best of the situation. He lets go of your hand and stands up just to sit back down on the chair next to your bed, looking at you determinedly, his eyes still red and swollen. “As much time as you need. If it means we still have a chance...”

A few months pass. Iwaizumi has passed on the house to you and moved into his parents’ house to give you the space you need. He goes to therapy three times a week and tells you about his progress. He is still coaching the national team, but his assistant coach is taking a lot of the work off his hands and the volleyball team seems to be playing better again.

Just like when you were at school, you’ll find a letter in your letterbox once a week. Back then, Iwaizumi always told you a bit about his week and wrote it down because, funnily enough, he was too shy to talk to you in person. Only that in his current letters he writes that he misses you, but hopes that you are doing well at the moment.

He meets you in public places, goes out with you, so that you gradually feel more comfortable with him again, that you can see his progress in therapy and don’t just think it’s empty words.

Six months have passed since the incident. You are standing in the bedroom, changing the sheets, when Iwaizumi comes through the front door of the house. “My love, I’m home,” you hear Iwaizumi’s calm voice. Coming home from his therapy session, he hangs up his jacket in the hallway as your voice lets him know where you are. 

Iwaizumi puts the flowers he bought for you on the kitchen table before he sneaks into the bedroom and sees you trying to unfold the sheets to put them on the blankets. With silent steps, he reaches around your waist to throw you onto the bed with him, wrapped in the covers that were in your hands earlier. Screaming, you laugh in unison with his chuckle as you look into each other’s eyes. “Hajime! Don’t scare me like that.” you laugh softly, while his hand gently tucks your hair behind your ear. Iwaizumi looks at your forehead, at the small scar that is left from your injury, before leaning forward and giving you a kiss on that spot.

“I’m sorry, but that was just so tempting,” he says, closing his eyes as he pulls you closer and just relaxes in bed with you. He strokes your back and kisses your forehead once more. “Hajime... what’s going on? Why are you so clingy suddenly?” you laugh, but Iwaizumi doesn’t join in the laughter, instead answering you seriously.

“Today, six months ago, I almost lost you. I’m just grateful that nothing happened to you. Thankful that you gave me another chance, even though I showed my worst side.” You can’t think of the right words to answer him, so you just smile, snuggle closer to him, and close your eyes. Safe in his arms, with his pulsating heart at your ear, you fall asleep.

tw: mention of abortion, mention of drugs/pills (without consent) 

Suna and you were just friends for a long time. Even if the others saw you more like a couple.

You were the only one Suna didn’t mind when you sat next to him and pulled out one of his earphones to listen to music with him.

You always had the same route to school and if one of you came to school alone, you knew immediately that the other one must be sick. 

With graduation, you mentioned that you might want to study abroad. That time, Suna had a weird feeling in his stomach for the first time. As if he was afraid of losing you.

That was the day he realised that he felt more for you than just friendship.

The same evening, he asked you to come over and watch a movie when he yawned in a very clichéd way to put his arm over your shoulder and pull you closer to him. He didn’t know why he was so nervous, but he just was.

A number of things went through his mind. What if you don’t feel the same way about him as he does about you? Will you still want to study abroad? Would you end your friendship with him if you didn’t feel the same way?

He tried to block out the questions and then, with his usual calmness, asked you if you could imagine anything more than a friendship. Luckily for him, you said yes.

From that moment on, everything was perfect. You had created your own little world over several years. You studied, and luckily not abroad. Suna was successful in volleyball, so you were both able to buy an apartment together quickly.

Just the two of you. Your friends were there from time to time, but in the evenings you were always alone at home, arm in arm, in the quiet flat without any noise or other people to disturb you.

Until one morning where you look at the little piece of plastic in the bathroom, stunned, when the two red stripes tell you that you are pregnant.

You hadn’t spoken to Suna about having children yet, but you’ve been together for so long now and everything is going well that you assume he would be just as happy as you are.

You thought…

When Suna comes home, you’ve already prepared a little surprise. There are a pair of baby shoes on the table in the living room, the pregnancy test in front of them and a little balloon with “Best Dad” written on it. You can’t help smiling as you see Suna walk into the room when you call out “surprise”, looking a little shy in his direction. But Suna’s reaction differed from what you expected.

Almost disgusted, he looks in your direction. “This better be one of those stupid TikTok pranks, right?” he says, and your smile disappears abruptly. Your stomach turns and you feel sick. And not because of the pregnancy. You stand there irritated, only able to utter a quiet “No... it’s not a joke”, confused by his negative reaction. “No? What week are you in? Tell me you can still have an abortion...” he says, annoyed, as he walks towards the table to see if there is any information about the week of pregnancy on the pregnancy test. 

“What?” you say in bewilderment, still looking at Suna, who throws the test on the table in frustration before starting to massage his temples. “We’ll go to the gynecologist tomorrow, okay? Get rid of it. A child means responsibility. You have to look after this thing all the time, you’re no longer flexible and it’s noisy too... I just don’t want that.” 

His words feel like a thousand stabs. Never have you seen Suna act like this before. You anticipated that he might be a bit taken by surprise and perhaps not be able to deal with the situation at first, but Suna seems to have a very clear opinion on the subject. He doesn’t even seem to be willing to talk. But abort a child? Let Suna’s and your baby die just like that? You can’t do that. You don’t want that. 

The two of argue. Suna’s look gets progressively angrier. Yours sadder until he decides to leave the house with a “Do what you want, maybe it’ll die anyway”. Now you’re home alone with his painful words. You stand rooted to the spot in the room for several more minutes until the strength in your legs finally gives way and you slump to the floor, crying bitterly. The night, you spend alone in your bed, without Suna. He doesn’t answer his phone and doesn’t reply to your messages. You don’t hear from him the next day either, and he hasn’t come home. Thank God you get a message from Osamu, who texts you that Suna is with him and that you have nothing to worry about. But how are you supposed to stay at home without worrying if your boyfriend doesn’t get in touch with you and you’ve been arguing for days? You are scared. Afraid for the baby, afraid for the relationship and everything you two have built up.

Another day passes. You lie in bed, tired and lacking in energy. Nevertheless, you pull yourself together and get up, go to the bathroom to get ready for the day and don’t notice when the front door opens and Suna walks in. “Baby doll, I’m at home... and... I’m sorry...” you hear Suna’s voice and walk out of the bathroom. Even though you had a fight, you are still happy to see the man you love so much again. With a somewhat sad smile, he stands there, a bouquet of flowers in his hand as he approaches you.

“I’m really sorry. I behaved like an ass. You took me by surprise with the news and somehow... I don’t know. What do you say you sit down now? I’ll make us a drink and we can talk about all this. About the baby, and what happens next?” You can hardly believe his words. What has Osamu done in the last few days to make Suna suddenly do a full turnaround and be willing to talk to you openly, without shouting about becoming a parent? You make a mental note to thank Osamu later, before nodding with a smile and sitting down on the sofa in the living room.

But what you don’t know is that Suna went to a friend, a doctor, who gave him two pills before he came home. Pills for an induction of abortion. You have to take one now and the other two to three days later.

Suna knows that you wouldn’t take these pills voluntarily.

So he makes sure that you are indeed sitting in the living room before he takes out a small bag containing a pill, puts it in the grinder and turns it into a fine powder before mixing it into your iced tea.

He takes a deep breath, putting his smile back on as he walks towards you in the living room, where you are already waiting for him with happy eyes.

Without saying much, he hands you the glass, sits down next to you and watches you.

“I know it’s all so sudden and I could have said it differently. I really took you completely by surprise with the news,” you say quietly, looking at the iced tea in your hand, unaware that an abortion pill is floating there.

Suna listens attentively as you talk about how you first had to understand what a pregnancy means, but that your overwhelm quickly turned into joy because you are looking forward to holding a mini version of the two of you in your arms in less than 9 months. You talk about all the beautiful things that are going through your head, while Suna continues to listen to you, his eyes constantly focus on the tea in your hands and you.

He keeps looking at you as you raise the glass and press it to your lips, ready to drink the poison cocktail, when he realizes what he was doing. What he’s trying to do here.

Panic strikes him. His green eyes widen as he literally knocks the cup out of your hand. It falls to the floor with a loud thud. “Don’t drink that!” he says in an unsteady voice and looks at you in horror.

But you don’t understand anything, only shake your head.

“I don’t know what’s gotten into me. I... I think I just made the worst mistake of my life,” Suna says, looking back from you to the broken cup. You don’t understand what’s going on and tilt your head, asking him if everything is all right. But when Suna continues talking and tells you what was in your tea, your world collapses. You are shocked that your own boyfriend wanted to do this to you. “I was overwhelmed. I... I know that’s no excuse. But when I heard you talking, I realized that -“ Suna wanted to continue, but your voice cut him off, your words silenced him.

“Let’s break up,” you say, and unlike before, unlike when you argued a week ago, your voice is determined now, your eyes full of pain and betrayal. Those green eyes that used to mesmerize you are now looking at you desperately. “What?” Suna whispers softly, followed by a “No, wait”. But you interrupt him again.

“You just wanted to give me some drugs without my consent so I’d lose the baby?! No, Rintarou… I’m breaking up with you. That... no, I can’t do that.” Abruptly, you get up from the sofa, ignoring the hand that tries to grab you before quickly slipping into a jacket and a pair of shoes just to leave the apartment. Suna wants to run after you, but his legs won’t move. His mind and heart are screaming to run after you, to stop you and tell you he’s sorry, but his body just won’t obey him. When he finally manages to get up, you’re already gone.

Still wearing his slippers and without putting on a jacket, he eventually runs out to check out all the places you love, all your friends, to see if he can find you somewhere. But no matter where he looks, he can’t find you. You don’t reply to messages or phone calls. The mechanical voice of your voice mail greets him directly. “Shit, shit, shit!” he yells as he stands in the park where you two had your first official date. The surrounding people look at him. Some with an irritated look, some as if they were pitying him.

Without really knowing where to go, your legs automatically led you to the bus that goes to Kita’s home.

Kita was one of your best friends back then. And you knew that if you went to Kita and told him not to tell Suna that you were there, he wouldn’t tell his friend either. And that’s exactly what Kita did.

You were in Kita’s guest room when you heard Suna’s voice in the hallway.

He sounded shattered, broken, as he begged Kita to tell him where you were.

This went on for several weeks, until one evening Suna rang the doorbell again, trying to talk to Kita in a voice you had never heard before.

His voice was so thin, so fragile, as if a heap of misery was speaking out of him.

Kita tells him once again that he doesn’t know where you are when you hesitantly open the door, thinking about going downstairs and listening to what Suna has to say. But for now, you just listen to the conversation.

“Please, Shinsuke, I know you know her location. Please, just give her this. Please...” Kita sighs, followed by a soft “ok...” before the front door closes. Your best friend’s footsteps creak beneath the floor as he walks up the stairs, looks at you a little twisted and hands you a large package.

You know that you demand a lot from Kita. It’s not easy for him to lie to his friend either. Eventually you have to talk to Suna.

Alone in your guest room, you spend almost half an hour looking at the unopened package at the other end of the bed until you finally decide to open it. When you see what’s inside, surprise catches you. Multiple emotions flow through your body without you even noticing how your eyes suddenly turn glassy. Small letters and several items are in the box. You take out the letter that is on top of all the other items.

“My love, I don’t even know where to start. I can’t apologize for what I did. Nevertheless, I want to tell you that I’m sorry. I was confused and scared. Our relationship has always been perfect so far and I thought it was great that it was just the two of us and that no one else disturbed our privacy. I was afraid that when we had a child, we would argue, have no more time for each other, and grow apart. I was selfish and didn’t think about how you would feel. I wasn’t thinking about our baby. The thought that we were both going to be parents hadn’t crossed my mind at all. But every time I walked past those little shoes you had placed in the living room, I couldn’t think of anything else but seeing our child standing in them. How it tries to move around in it, sometimes falls down because it loses its balance and seeks shelter with its beloved mom. I regret every second of what I’ve done, every word I’ve said. Hurting you was the last thing I wanted to do, and yet I did it. I am sorry. I am so terribly sorry.

I did some research. Did you know that it is currently very difficult to find midwives? You should probably start looking very early on. My team colleague gave me the number of the midwife he and his wife had at the birth of their two children. I also have three other numbers. You might want to give them a call. There are also birth preparation classes in our town. I have also put a brochure in the package for you. You don’t necessarily have to go there with your partner. With me… So... if you want, you could also go there with Kita, even if I would be happy if we both did it together. But I can understand if you don’t want to.

Are you eating enough? You should pay particular attention to your diet during pregnancy. A lot of women suffer from a vitamin deficiency during pregnancy. But you have probably already discussed this with your gynecologist. Anyway, I’ve written down a few recipes for you that are rich in vitamins. I admit that Osamu helped me a little with this. Oh, and on the back are some things you shouldn’t eat during pregnancy. Raw eggs and products containing them such as ice cream, mayonnaise and so on... you should not eat them, because the risk of salmonella infection is high. Peanuts can contain aflatoxins, which can also harm the fetus... but as I said, I’ve put together a list for you. In case you didn’t already know all this already. There are a few other things in the box. Maybe you’d like to take a look.

I hope you are doing well. I hope the baby is doing well too. Have you thought of a name yet? Do you know whether it will be a boy or a girl? I’m sure there’s already a little bump on your belly. I... would really like to be with you right now. Would love to hold you in my arms and stroke your tummy. I know I made a mistake that can never be fixed. But if you’re willing, if that’s what you want, I’d really like to be by your side again. And if not as your boyfriend, then as the father of our baby. I would like to do couples’ therapy with you so that we can find our way back to each other… So that you can trust me again. Because in all of this, I was the problem and never you. But only if you want it too, of course. I know it may be hard to believe, but I love you. So much that a life without you scares me. I am sorry…”

You’re crying bitterly by now as your tears blur the ink on the letter before you put it aside and look in the box. Next to a small onesie for babies, there is a note with the telephone numbers of midwives, a small book with recipes, the brochure he had mentioned and another box containing photos and memories. Pictures that Suna had always secretly taken of you at times when he thought you looked extra pretty. You always found the photos embarrassing, but for him they were beautiful to look at. Because they were moments when you were just being you, not smiling for the camera or doing anything else to disguise yourself.

There was also a necklace with shells on it in the box. You made it for Suna when you were on vacation in Croatia. It turned out incredibly ugly, yet Suna wore it proudly during the whole vacation. You’re touched that he still has this ugly necklace. Little notes that you wrote to each other at school are also in there. So many more memories from the past. Where had Suna hidden this little box in your apartment so that you never noticed it?

You hastily get up, open the door and run down to the hallway as Kita comes out of the living room and looks at you questioningly. “Is everything all right? Do you need to see a doctor?” He asks concerned, but you just shake your head, wanting nothing more than to see Suna, talk to him again. He asks you if you are absolutely sure, but your determined nod is enough for an answer. So he grabs his jacket and car keys, driving you straight to your ex boyfriend, to your apartment. He doesn’t want you to take the bus in your current state.

Suna is sitting in the living room. In front of him on the coffee table are various reports on pregnancy, parenting and more. His head is leaning on his hands as he takes a deep breath. Have you opened his package yet? He wonders, unable to think clearly, when he hears the key in the door lock and runs into the hallway as if stung by a tarantula. His eyes are wide as he looks at you, standing rooted to the spot in the doorway, not knowing how to react.

“Shinsuke... Drove me here...” you say. “I opened your package.” You continue, watching Suna swallow hard, still not moving an inch from the doorframe. “How are you, the baby?” he asks quietly, almost absent-mindedly, as if he can’t believe you’re really standing in front of him. “Good... can... can we talk?” you ask and watch him nod, having trouble sorting out his feelings. You take a step towards him, clearly seeing the dark circles, the red eyes, the slightly thinner face, as if he has lost weight. And on closer look, you can see his whole body trembling.

“Is everything you wrote in your letter true?” you ask him, trying to keep your voice as calm as possible, even though you’re at your wits’ end. “Yes, yes all of it. I’m sorry for everything... I want nothing more than to see you happy. To see our baby happy. And if you want another partner by your side to be happy, if you don’t want me in your life, then I will accept that.” Suna whispers, knowing that if he were to speak even a little louder, his voice would fail and he would cry. You take another step towards him. “What if I want you? Want to give it another try?” You have barely spoken your sentence before you hear a bitter shuffle from Suna, which he seems to have been suppressing the whole time. His shaky hands carefully reach for your face before he presses his forehead against yours and says softly, “I would wish for nothing more than that.”

Although you hesitate for a second, you finally put your hands around his back and stand with him in the doorway for a while. Neither of you says a word. Both of you let your tears run until Suna releases you at some point and gives you a kiss on the forehead. “You shouldn’t stand for so long. You’d better get some rest,” he says in a somewhat steady voice before helping you out of your jacket and leading you into the bedroom, where he pushes the sheets aside so you can lie down. 

“Rin, but I’m not tired at all...” you say, even though you are exhausted, but Suna lies down right next to you, pulling you close while his free hand moves to your stomach. “I know... But... let’s just lie here like this for a moment, regain our strength before we talk... Talk about everything, our future, how I can make it up to you, our little baby… Agree, baby doll?” He whispers tiredly. Yet you also notice how all the crying is slowly making you a little tired. “Agree, Rin.” you smile weakly, snuggling closer to him as you both fall asleep arm in arm, his hand protectively on your baby bump, your hand on his.

[eimids]

Mastermind part 3

Sorry I've been gone for a while but I'm back!! Don't know if I'll update and write as often as I did before but I'll try my best

Warnings: angst at the start but the fluffff and happy ending finally

Ingrid and Mapi had taken you to their apartment. They treated you sweetly and cuddled you to sleep.

Meanwhile Lucy was freaking out. She didn’t know why she had done any of what she did to you. Her actions were horrible and she hated herself for them. She couldn’t even make sure that you got to your hotel safely because she didn’t have your number. She couldn’t just call and apologize.

She was afraid of committing to a person. It was hard for her to love someone and show that so she did what she thought was the best thing to do. She just kicked you out.

She called Mapi soon to check with her if she knew where you were, luckily she got answer that you were safe at their house. Lucy was relieved that at lest you were safe. She still hated herself for what she did. She should have never done what she did and she made it her mission to apologize to you profusely. She was actually interested in you since the day she saw you and she didn't want you to be a one night stand. She wanted to take you on a date and treat like you deserved to be treated.

Ingrid and Mapi were furious. They were angry at their friend and fellow teammate for doing that to you. When Lucy tried to call then so she could talk to you, they refused.

"Please I just want to apologize to her, I never should have done it" Lucy pleaded to Ingrid.

"And yet you still did it. You threw her out in the middle of the night in the streets of Barca. You know that that is not safe and something really bad could have happened" Ingrid answered angrily. She didn't want for you to get hurt.

This went on for a while until you hopped back on a plane and to Norway back to your family and friends. You wanted to forget about Lucy and to never talk to her again but it was hard. You actually had a nice time with her during the engagement party and conversations with her felt easy. The fact that quickly after you got back to Norway Lucy followed you on Instagram. She wanted to talk to you in some way.

One day you got a DM.

Lucybronze:

Hi y/n, I just want to say that I apologize for everything I did. It was so wrong for me to just throw you out in the middle of the night and I want to do anything I can to make up for that. If you let me try again that would be amazing but I understand if you don't want to have anything to do with me anymore. I'm so sorry..

You saw the message almost immediately but took your time to answer to her because you didn't know how to answer. You didn't want to talk to her ever again but you truly wanted to believe that she could be better. You wanted to feel like she appreciated you as a person. Not just a body that she could fuck and dump out.

After three days you finally answered. Lucy had lost hope at that point. She just assumed that you would contact her back.

Yourinstagram:

Hi Luce. I've taken some time to think about all this and I'm definitely not accepting what you did but you are in y mind constantly. I'm not shutting you down but if we continue talking it's going to be with my terms. Things are gonna go slowly. Here's my number so you can contact me easier: 123 4567890

Lucy's heart jumped when she saw notification from you. She had fully lost her hopes but they were back up after reading your text. She even got your number. She was like a teenager jumping with joy. She couldn't handle her excitement. She knew she had to do this right to win you back. She wanted to make a full 180 from how she treated you before.

You and Lucy started talking through texts. Soon it became calls and then Facetimes. It took a while for you to trust her but conversations with her felt right. She never asked you anything you weren't comfortable with and never suggested anything towards wanting anything else than just to talk to you.

Lucy would send you good night messages and make sure you were okay during the day. You were happy with how things were going.

It took you half a year before you asked to see her in person. During that time Lucy never pushed. She would send you flowers all the way from Barca. You were basically a couple but without anyone knowing.

After you finally asked to see her, Lucy hopped on the first flight she found and was on her way to see you. She was nervous. She wanted to do it right this time, wanted to make you feel loved and cared for.

When she arrived at your apartment she had flowers in her hands. She knew that this was her only chance to do this right.

"Hi Luce" You said with a shy smile. It was weird seeing her in person. The last time had been a nightmare.

"Hi beautiful" She gave you a shy smile back.

You welcomed her to inside and sat her down. It was a bit awkward at first but soon you fell into a nice conversation. You wanted to avoid the conversation hat you knew needed to happen. You had talked about it before but it was different face to face.

"Y/n I know that you have forgiven me but I haven't forgiven myself. I will do anything and everything to make it up to you I promise" Lucy started.

You sat next to her and hugged her. You needed to be close to her.

"Just never do it again" You whispered in her neck while burying your head there.

"If it's okay I want to do something I never got to do that day back in Barca" Lucy started

"Mhmm?" You asked.

"I never gave you any aftercare and I know it's way too late but I just want to show you how much I care" She said to you.

You could have started crying at her words. You truly felt like Lucy cared and you loved it. That night she made you feel like a princess. Cuddling you to sleep and making you food. Watching movies with you and just appreciating you.

---

So this is kinda short but what ever

[barcalover86]

End of beginning

A never-ending friendship

Book

Chapter four

Your body suddenly can't move.

What the hell did you do last night?

Bia is still sleeping in bed with your new friends besides her, and you are the only one awake. You were trying to remember what happened after the game, but nothing was coming out of your mind.

You weren't that stupid to send him a n*de.. or were you?

But if that happened, someone would have stopped you. But on the other side, all of you were drunk and immature.

And if you really sent him a n*de of yourself , then it will be all over Internet. Just like the other photos of you two together.

You screwed up bad..

Finding the courage to open up his messages alone, not wanting to wake anyone up this early in the morning, you are even more shocked when you see his text.

Before you click on the photo he sent you, you read what he wrote you.

I am happy that you looked at the match, and I'm also sorry for the gossip that it's going around right now. I hope I didn't cause damage to your relationship.

Relationship? What relationship?

You were the one who thought that you made Gavi and his girlfriend break up. But he was thinking something completely untrue. You don't have a boyfriend and you never did.

Right now, you were trying to think who could be that boy he saw you with. But as you were trying to remember who he was, you suddenly realised that he also sent you a photo.

You opened your phone again, tapping to his account.

When you counted to three, you clicked on his photo, and your heart melted at his sight.

It was a selfie of him and Lewandowski, smiling at you. He also wrote on it that brought us good luck .

That? What that?

Now you begin to think again what picture could you have sent him to.

And if somehow it was a n*ude.. did he really show it to everyone else around him?

But you weren't the type of person to do that. Even when drunk. It just wasn't your personality.

So.. your photo brought him luck? You smiled a bit.

Oh, and then you realised that Gavi actually texted you. Well, you texted him first, but he replied.

And he was also having you at his following list. That's.. Nice. You smile once again.

"Bia, wake up!"

"Hm?"

"Gavi texted me!"

When everyone heard that, they all got up immediately.

"He did what?" asked Lucas.

"He texted me, look."

"Screenshot his photo," Bia said, and before you could stop her, Lucas already did a screenshot on your phone.

"What! No, now he's going to see it!!!!"

"And? It's better than not having the photo? I bet he made it by himself just for you."

You think about it. Maybe..

"Uhhh" you groaned, sitting on your bed. "Do I have to reply to him?"

"What's even with that question? Of course you have to!?"

"But what do I say?"

"Just, I don't know. Congrats on your win?" Liam says.

"But then he'll let her on seen." Laura interrupts. "It has to be something like, congrats to your win, you did amazing. How are you feeling after the game?"

"Of course he feels happy, they won?"

"Bia, I mean if he is tired or in good shape. Maybe he got injured, which I don't think so. He'll get the question, right, Lucas?"

He looks at her while thinking what to answer.

"Boys often misinterpret questions like that."

You nodded. "Then what do I say?"

"In my opinion, you should really add the congratulations part. It's important." Lucas says. "Boys like to feel important and appreciated.

"Ok, so first I'm saying congrats. After?"

Silence. Everyone is thinking.

"Should I go with something like I hope your training goes good today?"

"Ah, I don't know-"

"I got it!!!" Laura says. "Just reply to his photo with a photo and you can add there the text you want to say. He'll sure be curious on your photo."

"Yesss! That's it! But I have to be pretty. Everyone, help me!!"

They all helped you with a pretty outfit, your hair and makeup, and after about 1 hour, you were ready to take the picture.

Smiling widely, you sent a photo of you saying congratulations on your win, guys. you did amazing. visca barça.

Perfect. Now you wait.

..................................................................................

Today, waiting for his reply, you walked around Barcelona, chatting and laughing. You stopped near your friends' restaurant and started singing and dancing traditional Spanish songs until the L family was ready to close.

All the time you were looking at your phone, hoping for a text from Gavi who seemed like wouldn't come.

When you said your goodbyes, you and Bia went to drink something near your hotel. When you were talking about your future college, your phone buzzed, and you freezed.

"So??"

You look at her with a big smile.

"Gavi."

"I wanna see, I wanna see!"

Bia was whining just like a little kid, but you were also so excited to read his text.

Well, he sent you another photo.

He seemed like he was in a bedroom, assuming it was his, smiling into the camera and having his thumb up. He was adorable.

If you want more photos of me, tell me. You don't have to screenshot. Also, you didn't tell me about your boyfriend. Is he mad?

"He is definitely flirting with you!"

"I don't know.."

"Well he totally is. Reply to him."

You took a quick photo of you, with your orange juice on your hands, smiling sweetly.

I'm sorry about that. A friend of mine screenshoted it accidentally. And about my relationship, I don't know where that came from. I'm single.

After 5 minutes, he replied.

"Wow, y/n. He is quick. I told you he is into you!"

Now, it was a photo with half of his face saying my bad, sorry. so are you still asking for pictures?

You did a similar picture as he did last time, and wrote first of all, I didn't ask for any pictures, second of all wouldn't your girlfriend be upset that you are talking with me?

"Are you sure you want to send that?" Bia asked you.

"Well even if he is Pablo Gavi, if he has a girl at home, he has to right not talk to other girls."

After about 20 minutes, he replied.

The photo was again with half of his face saying that are u jealous, y/n?

You blushed hard.

"Ooooo, he is flirting with youu."

"Shut up, he is typing.:

"Let's get home. We can't stay here for another hour. We also have to look for colleges."

You nodded and while you were walking back to your hotel, you were looking intensely at your phone.

Right when he was about to send his text, your mom was calling you.

You groaned hard while Bia was laughing.

"Yes?"

"Hi, sweetheart. How are you?"

"Mama, I'm kinda busy. I'll call you later, ok?"

"Did something happen? Are you ok?"

"Yes, don't worry. We are heading to our hotel. I'll call you there, ok? Bye."

"Bye, don't forget to!"

After ending the call, you go to see what Gavi said.

You blushed even harder.

"Whatt???? I wanna see too."

Yes, I am a footballer, but I don't cheat. I don't have a girlfriend and I didn't have one recently either. I think you know a lot about me, but I just know your name. Wanna meet me tomorrow at 13 after my training to show you the museum from Camp Nou? I promise I won't steal you. Bring a friend if you want. I'll bring Fermin too.

"Say yes, say yes, say yes!"

"I don't know, Bia. I feel like it's happening too fast."

"It's the right time, trust me. When fo you want him to ask you out. A day before we return home? Say yes!"

You slowly nodded, accepting his offer." You'll come with me."

"You didn't have to ask." she says super excited.

See you then.

You replied.

He liked your message.

"Today we have to go shopping. We need new chlotes."

[teaboot]

Since I've seen many posts about people missing how common asks used to be, I have been trying to send to more asks to engage more. I really don't want to bother anyone though so I'd love to know if you enjoy receiving asks and if so what kind of asks. Detailed? Vague? Work? Fandom? Movies? Books? Childhood? Gardening? Thoughts? OTPs? OCs? I'm sure there are way more categories, I'm not limiting you to these listed options. Perhaps if it's an easier question what types of asks do you not like?

pPAAASGGFYGGJIK THANK YOU?

Detailed asks good yes

Vague asks??? Do not understand but open to the concept

Fandom: My first Fandom was X-Men, then Lord of the Rings, then Homestuck, Transformers, Fullmetal Alchemist, Teen Wolf, Avengers (first movie, when it came out), Batman, Overwatch briefly, Mass Effect, Gravity Falls, Trigun, and now my sister's getting me into Call of Duty! Feel free to ask about any!!

Movies: Yes movies are a great topic I have SO MANY

Oh lord I haven't consistently been up to date on books in FOREVER but yes books are good, you can ask book questions, I'm reading a lot of old classics and recently finished Pride & Prejudice, am now on The One That Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest

Childhood- oh my god bud you have no idea

Gardening- My house is full of plastic plants on account of how good I am at killing things

Thoughts- Always

OTPs YO YES

OCs? YO YEAH GO FOR IT I NEVER TALK ABOUT THEM aaaaah I need to start writing again- I've been working on an urban fantasy for like. God like 7-8 years now

If I don't like an ask I'll just ignore or delete it but not much is off the table. I will not answer where exactly I live, who I am, if I'm a specific person you met, etc. for safety reasons.

I've worked in sex education so I can answer questions on that topic but if you get too personal or abrasive I will not respond.

I'm regularly flooded with donation requests and it's often too hard to figure out which are real and which are scams using stolen legit posts so as a general rule I do not spread those, I'm sorry.

And if you pop in to sexually harass me or use abusive language towards myself or others then I'm just gonna block you and delete the message.

If you want to warn me that a post I shared came from a bad source I do appreciate that, but if I do my research and can't find a legitimate reason to block someone then I probably won't.

I consider Legitimate Reasons to block someone on recommendation to be abusive language and behaviour, threats, bigotry, propagation of misinformation, production of AI content, and encouragement of dangerous behaviors that pose genuine harm to self or others. I'm not gonna block a random cause they enjoy Steven Universe and you think it's annoying. We all like stuff.

Womp-womp.

Thanks for asking!!! I probably shoulda talked about some of this myself, lol

EDIT: Terfs and radfems are block on sight, it's not your fault you're dumb but I am not capable of educating all of you

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA For no longer wanting to continue a mutual hobby, started with a friend?

Hello! Long time lurker first time asker. Sorry if the title is a bit confusing!

Long story short I (27 ftm) recently started rock climbing as a hobby and a fun to exercise. For context I'm a heavier person, so I wanted to do a physical hobby that I could do at my own pace. I started with a 101 top-rope course and invited a long time friend of mine to attend with me (they suggest taking the class in pairs). After that I took a bouldering 101 course by myself (my aforementioned friend said they weren't interested, totally understandable).

I've since started to take climbing more seriously and ramped up to going 2-3 times a week (I live a 10 min walk away from the climbing gym). Also going earlier in the day to avoid the peak hours as i'm immunocompromised so the less people the better. This month will be my 4th month doing so.

We originally started climbing together however after a few weeks of meeting up once a week, they kept bailing with little to no notice (or telling me 11:30 pm the night before). Also when we'd met up the last time she brought her boyfriend along. Even though I said i'd prefer to meet him for the first time in a more relaxed environment (not me dripping with sweat and out of breath). He's a nice enough guy but I just don't want to spend time with him in this specific setting lol.

I have a very erratic work schedule vs my friend who a has pretty stable work schedule. So I find I often have to take initiative to message them (the week before) asking what days work for them. That way I can reference what days I have off. They often ignore the message for a few days or answer the morning of.

They've called out every week for the two months+. Either saying they're too tired, don't feel like it, forgot their gym clothes and or have other plans. I'm totally fine with this! Life happens and sometimes you don't have the energy for these activities. However what cheeses me off is I feel like I always have to comfort them, so they don't feel bad they bailed again and they give me little to no notice.

About 2-3 weeks ago I asked them about dates to hang out (I also specified we didn't have to climbing, even just to go hang out for coffee or something lol) and they haven’t responded, but I see them posting online with their other group of friends. Again I’m not mad about them not wanting to go, or hanging out with their other friend-group but I’d appreciate some sort response.

The thing is I also have ANOTHER friend who is interested in coming with me to try it out. Both of these friends of mine don't get along anymore. At one point all three of us where pretty close mutual friends. Nothing crazy dramatic happened but they had a falling out and they no longer interact with each other at all.

I however am still friends with both of them. They also both know I am still friends with the other friend (if that makes sense).

For possible added context I have ASD, so this sometimes causes issues when reading peoples intentions or possible passive aggression. I also get very anxious when my planned schedule/routine gets thrown off and often can derail my entire day.

So to sum it up, AITA for wanting to climb by myself, or other people besides the friend originally started the hobby with? Even if these two people aren't really friends anymore? Am I being just too hard on them? Am I just not picking up on something? Thanks!

What are these acronyms?

[thejournallo]

Explain the basic: Divination tool

Desclaimer: Everything I will talk about is information that I got from books and sites online and even videos on YouTube. In my years of practice, I learned as much as I could out of curiosity and what works best for me. I suggest you do the same by learning as much as you can on your own (I will be here making posts teaching this kind of stuff) from multiple sources.

As always, I will love to hear your thoughts! and if you have any questions, I will be more than happy to answer them! If you liked it, leave a comment or reblog (that is always appreciated!). If you are interested in more methods, check the masterlist!

As a divination witch, I obviously work a lot with the divine, and what I'm about to say are just a few of the things you may use or perform in this type of witchcraft work.

A word of caution, though: I've worked with divine magic for a long time; don't get into it unless you know what you're doing, and especially not without defending yourself. In this list, I will clearly explain what each item does and how it works, and some of this is for a more "advanced" sort of witchcraft.

In witchcraft, there are numerous divination tools practitioners use to gain insight into the past, present, or future or to communicate with spiritual entities. I personally believe that it is the tool that chooses you, not you choosing the tool. Here are some common ones:

Tarot Cards:

A deck of 78 cards with various symbols and images that are interpreted in readings to gain insight into a question or situation. These 78 cards are divided into major arcana and minor arcana. The major arcana may change with the deck that you choose, but the main symbolism is the same, and sometimes you will find decks that have more than just 78 cards. 

Runes:

A rune is a letter in a set of related alphabets known as runic alphabets native to the Germanic peoples. The runes are an ancient method of divination used even before medieval times. Runes can be made of stone, wood, or other materials, and each symbol has its own meaning. You can easily make your own runes.

Crystal Ball Scrying/Scrying Mirror:

This requires gazing into a crystal ball or other reflective surface, such as a mirror, to obtain visions or insights. You do it by just looking at the shiny surface in low light, with nothing to distract you. Your vision will "blur," allowing you to experience visions or gain insights. There is a good reason why this happens. It's essentially our brain getting tired of our reflection and starting to make up new stories, but it's not all psychology since, as we all know, mirrors are gateways. So it is advised not to try this method unless you are an experienced witch or just lack protection, as you may invite something you do not want to invite.

Pendulum Divination:

A pendulum, often a crystal or metal weight on a chain, is used to answer yes-or-no questions or to indicate directions or choices. The pendalum moves on its own, and before you start actually using it, I suggest you ask the pendalum which direction is yes and which is no. Much like the Ouija board, this object can be used to talk to spirits and ghosts, so be careful to always say thanks and say goodbye once you finish a session, even if it is not the primary use. Better safe than sorry.

Tea Leaf Reading:

Interpretation of patterns formed by tea leaves at the bottom of a cup after drinking. Practitioners see symbols and images in the leaves and use them for divination. that's it. that's the tea.

Astrology:

Reading and interpreting the positions and movements of celestial bodies to gain insight into personality traits, events, and relationships. that can be the oroscope, your birth chart etc.

Ouija Board:

A flat board marked with the letters of the alphabet, numbers, and other symbols. Participants use a planchette to spell out messages supposedly from spirits or other supernatural entities. This is one of those tools that you don't have to play around with. It is not a game you can literally get into if you are not careful enough. The way that the Ouija board works is that you place your finger on the planchette; if you don't have a planchette, a metal ring will do just fine. Once you position it, you say, "Hello, im --- and i here to talk to only benevolent spirits, and only benevolent spirits can come true and talk to me." Once this part is done, it is NOT THE PLANCHETTE THAT MOVES YOU MOVE THE PLANCHETTE Hollywood lies to you; what a surprise! Once you are done chit-chatting with the spirits, make sure the spirits say goodbye. Say your goodbye, and once you are done, close the space and banish everything "bad" that may have come true. Again, better safe than sorry.

Numerology:

The study of the mystical significance of numbers and their influence on human life and events. a good example will be angel numbers like 444 or 555

Dream Interpretation:

Analyzing the content and symbolism of dreams to gain insight into subconscious thoughts, emotions, and experiences. Dreams can tell a lot of our personal lives, and 100% of dreams know what's up before we ourselves know. Trust and follow your dreams. 

These tools are often used in combination with intuition, ritual, and personal symbolism, and the effectiveness of each tool can vary depending on the practitioner's skill and connection with their craft.

[hashimasims]

The season is just about to change to Winter. The day before Harvestfest Kanaloa asks her to join him for a walk through Myshuno Meadows. The two of them walk in amicable silence just enjoying the scenery until they make it back to the entrance of the park and Kana pulls her under the remaining blossoms of the Cherry Tree. She does not like where this is going.

Kanaloa: Elucea, I . . . Elucea: No Kana, the answer is no. Kanaloa: But you don't even know what I was going to say Elucea: The romantic walk, the trying for a nice back drop with the remaining blossoms, this has proposal written all over it Kanaloa: Well it is an proposal of sorts. But you're still engaged to the other, Taehyung if I remember correctly, so no I was not about to propose marriage. Speaking of, have you heard from him yet? Elucea: No he still hasn't answered any of my messages or answered my calls. One time his phone answered, maybe it was in his pocket, and the only thing I could hear sounded like muffled screaming like he was watching a horror movie. Sounded like someone was trying to say something through a gag maybe and then the line went dead. He and I have watched a few scary movies together and it didn't sound like anything I'd ever watched with him before, not that it matters anyway.

Elucea retreats into herself for a moment, eyes glazed over wondering if something may have happened to Taehyung and those sounds were coming from him and she was meant to hear them. Taehyung had once told her he could feel her emotions through the bond, though muted because she hadn't accepted it fully yet. Would the Bond, no matter how tenuous, tell her if something horrible was happening to him at this moment? Would it tell her if he was dead? She accepted him and what they were together but hadn't fully accepted being tied to just one man, she had far too much love to give and wanted to feel the extra love and affection she was denied throughout her childhood. This she had surmised was part of the reason she was Poly, and also why she had accepted the advances of an adult as a teenager. Kana clearing his throat brought her back to the present. He knew where she went when she became distant, even if only for a moment, and tried not to pull her back before she was ready. But this was important so he felt he had to bring her back to this present moment and out of the pit of worry that so often tried to claim her.

Elucea: So . . . if you're not proposing marriage, what are you proposing? Kanaloa pulls out a small key trying to hand it to her Kanaloa: I would like for you to move in with me, into my apartment in Evergreen Harbor. Elucea: I'm sorry Kana I can't my fur babies Kanaloa: Zuma and Whisper might enjoy it out there. I can take them for a jog with me every morning, there's a new park we can take them to to make some furry friends, maybe you could quit your job and stay home for a while? I know you got the island is thriving notification so that means you're done fixing it right? I don't know how I feel being around cats but I'm sure I'd grow to love them. Elucea: I appreciate the offer Kana I do but forcing all of us into a tiny apartment might not be the best idea. Kelly and Frankie are constantly going at it but at least at home they have the whole island to get away from each other. Look, how about this, here's the spare key to my place. I'm not asking you to move in but for now you can come and go as you please and we can give living together a trial run this way. Kanaloa: Ok El I can compromise. Anything for you.

Beginning|Previous|Next

[the-astral-express-archive]

//The uncropped eidolon art does exist. I've seen others post some for 1.0 characters. It's not much larger, just a square rather than the shard shape. But they do exist and those folks must be getting them from somewhere.

As for the person asking about the DHIL and Bailu CG masks, I think they were meaning transparent sprites, like on splash screens. "Mask" is a term used for that sort of thing in photo editing software. I believe they were thinking the CG was made of a background layer and separate DHIL and Bailu sprites overlaid atop it. Which I'm pretty sure is not the case for CGs?

Oh I never knew there were indeed a bigger version of character eidolon art. I looked into it a bit more after reading this message of yours and found those artworks from other sources. Sadly I haven't found the files storing those images yet so I can't upload any, but this Tumblr blog uploaded some in case anyone wanna see them.

As for the Dan Heng IL and Bailu CG masks, the other person did give me the same explanation in another ask haha. I don't do photo editing often so I didn't know it was a term for transparent sprites, sorry! So to answer the question, the CGs are originally in video format so there aren't any masks of IL and Bailu there.

Anyways I appreciate all these insights op! I hope you don't mind me answering other asks in your non-ask message haha...And to the two original senders, I hope you don't mind me answering under someone else's ask too!

[kiwisleepy]

HELLO good morning or night where ever you are but!! I love nsr and all the crazy designs people come up with, so I wanted to throw my hat in the ring with a few questions!

-Since Apollinare conducts with the "stars" and such, does that mean he's got a good relationship with DJSS or a bad one? I can't imagine that they're REALLY the stars but also....if DJSS can grow to the size of a skyscraper and also create an event horizon by cracking his head then maybe they really ARE the stars!!

-Also also, if they don't get along, is it just entirely on DJSS's part or is it mutual? You wrote that Apollinare was a polite fellow, and Nova is a..pretty egotistical guy, so I can easily see him getting territorial over his "brand" but I could be entirely wrong!!

-Last thing but, Ratio also, seems to be space themed! Do those 2 ocs have any relation to each other, or is it just a favorite theme of yours? No judgement here, space is a wonderful thing! But also, in her art, she's got a little Sayu on her head, so does that mean the two artists are really close or was that just a cute detail you wanted to add?

I hope this wasn't too overwhelming, but nsr ocs are such a treat for me to see, because you can really make anything you want in a way, and it's always great seeing more love for the game!

HI AND I'M SORRY THAT I TOOK SO LONG TO GET READY AND ANSWER AHHHHHH

Apollinare is a star, but its head does not consist of gas, but of a crystalline base (more precisely, only the head, the body is organic). By the way, he can not only control the stars, but also feel them. There are disadvantages to this, because he can feel the explosion of a star, and if it does not affect him, it will definitely distract him.

Poor bby let him sleep

He WOULD HAVE A GOOD RELATIONSHIP WITH THE DJ, IF NOT FOR ONE SMALL ISSUE THAT SPOILS EVERYTHING (in fact, there are many reasons and the "hostility" comes only from the DJ). This is not even a battle for the brand, since Apollinare never express desire to join NSR, not because he dislike them, no, the reason why, he already has so much to do: To maintain the opera house, his parents' mansion, while they are away, all the maids and butlers, their salary, train ballet dancers, his orchestra - he doesn't need additional duty in the form of District.

THE REASON WHY THEY(Only DJ actually, it's not mutual) DONT GET ALONG IS...... that he can conduct the stars. Imagine: You are a DJ, come home after you gave a concert and interacted with these P*lutonians, you decided to look through your telescope, admire the sky, make your scientific notes there and then

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

All the stars in the sky are twitching in a cartoon disgusting way, or vice versa, smoothly, but still too fast, with the risk of colliding and exploding.

And you know who's to blame

This

Starhead

Asshole

Decided to practice his Vivaldi or whoever in the starry sky again, disturbing the order!

And then......

.....Bro got so mad that he sent a live message through 3 DISTRICTS HELP(Apollinare lives in Natura)

Temptation to show middle finger to this conductor is high.

The reason for disliking number 2

Gifts

Apollinare is a person of a different upbringing, so he doesn't see the problem in giving a magnificent bouquet as a sign of appreciation(He often gaining them after his performances)

......But some people see (But if he sponsored the launch of a satellite, it would be a different matter)

You think nothing else can get worse for DJ? ha! You're wrong! Once Apollinare asked one of his ballet pupils what kind of bouquet he could gift, listing the flowers and their meaning..... And they jokingly offered to gift food bouqet.

Apollinare did not understand the joke and SEARCHED "CREATING FOOD BOUQUET SERVICE" ON THE INTERNET, ORDERED IT AND GIFTED A BOUQUET OF ICE DODO POPS, HELP, THIS GUY.....

(Y'all, admit you envy Subatomic right now)

Subatomic could refused, but..... Do you really think that he would refuse such a bouquet? Even if an enemy gave him this one, he wouldn't have the heart to throw it away.

Remember, I said that the main reason for dislike is that Apollinare wreaked havoc in the night sky? Forget AND BEHOLD: TRUE REASON TO DISLIKE APOLLO

.

.

.

.

.

Height

Even if Apollinare takes off his shoes and the DJ stays in his and does not take off his hood, the conductor will remain taller.(But I'm a lazy ass and forgot to redraw Pollo, he's head so tiny there😭😭😭)

(I swear, he is higher)

As a result, Apollinare unknowingly stole everything from him: His space(thankfully not personal), his height, his bitches.

NEVERTHELESS, Apollinare never cease to admire the DJ's music and theme, and although he still cannot get to any of his live concerts (Work does not spare poor Pollo ;-;), he enjoys watching streams recorded by other people.

NOW ABOUT RATIO

Ratio isn't related to Apollinare, however, he also admires her, although her theme includes not only space(but mainly). She has a cute, cartoonish, soulful vibes, like in "Bee and Puppycat." (She even speaks like PC when she is wearing a helmet)

In the mentioned art, Sayu was drawn as a cute detail, Ratio herself is not close to any EDM megastars(she afraid of them all), nevertheless, these two like to chatting online sometimes (this is the one and only method of communication that does not make Ratio panic)

Ratio also chatting a bit with Eloni, Eve(suprisingly huh???) and Tatiana (Ratio chatting with Tati more about business things or asking for help//advice)

I HOPE I ANSWERED EVERYTHING CLEARLY AND THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR SO MANY QUESTIONS, I'M OVERWHELMED IN A GOOD WAY AHAHAHAHAHAH *Dead*

[afreakingdork]

Hello! Okay so based on your recent post we know you have no interest in tcest and such but not gonna lie, it also made me wonder why you decided to write the most recent fic, On the Spot. Your biggest strength from what I could tell is character exploration and you have already expounded on Leo's struggles with other methods so I was wondering why you chose to delve into incestous feelings as a product of traumatic experiences in particular in On the Spot? Was it just on a whim or did you have another reason?

I'm just asking because genuinely curious and hold no negative feelings against you, the writer, for writing it. In fact the only reason I read it was because I knew that if it came from your hands, the fic will be (in my eyes at least) always be a guaranteed banger, and I was intrigued at how you'd handle these darker topics in your work, and although I finished it I'm still left a bit confused why you made it.

Ahem. Sorry if my ask made you uncomfortable in anyway by the way, you don't have to answer anything you don't want to of course.

I appreciate your concern, but no, nothing you've written had made me uncomfortable and I'm sure people are curious. My ask box and messages are always open.

The following response is put under the cut not because the content discussed is explicit, but because it is triggering subject matter. Please keep yourselves safe.

I'll continue to be candid as that's my preferred method of living. For those who have read Weak Spot, you'll know there was a crest of Leo's trauma in it where he reveals that he loved (platonically) and still wished Donnie would become part of their family in spite of how many repercussions that brought upon him. Leo's struggles were a topic that @mothmans-left-nipple and I often discussed while I was writing. These messages came to a head around the wedding chapter of Weak Spot and moth mentioned something about how traumatizing the event must be for Leo.

In that moment, I was struck with the entire concept of this new fic. I know you say you believe that Leo's trauma was closed off in Weak Spot, but I never considered it that way. All that happened to Leo was that he became unstuck from where he was frozen in time. None of Leo's feelings about Donnie (again, platonically) are actually dealt with. I have plans to tackle more of Leo and Donnie's interactions going forward in Soft Spot, but overall it felt like a glaring hole in Leo's recovery and moth's comment opened up how traumatic that missed spot was.

The story I then penned delved directly into that darkness and what can happen when trauma is not dealt with. Leo's clinging necessity of spiraling out as he's thrust into this new world that he doesn't know how to navigate quickly becomes a battered thing. He doesn't know how to deal with his emotions and as such he quickly loses control of them. They get warped and malformed until the only way he can view his attachment is through the lens of the past even though no one is there. He's desperate for a modicum of control and release that he's been denied for decades. It manifested in the way it did because of everyone's both reluctance and enabling.

I by no means believe that incest is the only logical way these feelings or this scenario could be dealt with, but for the direction the story took with reader as a prominent character, that was the path that made the most sense in this case. I was very aware of the subject matter i was handling and by no means wanted to make light of it for survivors. My heart goes out to those who have suffered this fate or worse, but that's exactly why I felt strongly about posting this story.

Could it have taken another path?

Yes.

Should it have?

That's not for me to say.

All I can say is i wrote what I did and I stand by that decision.

[ingravinoveritas]

regarding the post today about Anna's nasty comments, "jokes" etc about Michael's appearance in the last few years. Do you think there is genuine reason to feel worried about him and what it may be doing to his mental health overall? What I mean is I am starting to worry and then it makes start to spiral a bit and think that if he stays with her longer that the possibility of her "soft bullying" will escalate into actual abuse and I really don't want to think like that but it really makes me worry for him. Please tell me what you think and should I just take a step back and not think on it too hard (am I?) If you agree with me though, what do you think can be done to help him? Like as in a safe way for him to break up with her? I appreciate whatever you can do to help ease my mind at least.

martinsharmony replied to your post "So for those who haven't seen, AL posted a new..."

I have to wonder about Michael's state of mind. He has said he has his own body issues and has struggled with depression etc. The fact that he is "letting" her do this makes me worry about him a little. The fact that he's not standing up for himself and setting a boundary. From my own experience, all of this is okay, until it's not. My heart goes out to Michael. Of course I don't know the real truth. But I see a little of myself there. I recognize it.

(Grouping these two together due to having similar themes.)

First, I am glad that you felt comfortable enough to message me about this and share your thoughts. But I think there are a few things going on here, and it's important that we have some perspective. When I started responding to asks and questions about AL on my blog four years ago, it was largely as a counter to what many of us were seeing the fans do, which was idealizing Michael and AL's relationship and making it into some sort of fairy tale romance. Many of us could see things that did not seem to hold true to this narrative, but were afraid to discuss it openly. So the discourse became about open and honest conversations and speculation, and since GO 2 came out, that discourse has only seemingly increased (if the Asks and Anons in my inbox are anything to go by).

To your comments, @martinsharmony, these are some very good points you are raising, and I'm sorry that you see yourself in Michael's shoes. I think there's a chance many of us do, and is part of why we have the strong feelings we do--one way or the other--about this situation. I think a lot of us see Michael's visible unhappiness and are jarred by the sharp contrast between that and the narrative of him and AL being "madly in love."

I do, however, think there is a real risk of taking that line of thinking so far in the opposite direction. That is, if it's not okay for fans to assume that everything is perfect and wonderful and the absolute best with Michael and AL's relationship, then it is also not okay to assume everything is the absolute worst, because extremes in either direction are not a good thing, and reality often exists somewhere in the middle. Reality and relationships are also infinitely complicated, which means that there often are no easy answers.

Also, because things are not ever truly black-and-white, I think it's important not to conflate being an unpleasant person with being an abuser. There tends to be an assumption that an abuser is mean and nasty all the time, every day, but so many abusers are viewed as "the nicest person you ever met" by everyone but the victim, which is how they are so often able to get away with what they do. Conversely, someone (such as AL) might be self-absorbed, immature, and annoying, but that does not make them an abuser.

Again, in no way, shape, or form am I saying that it is a bad thing to care about Michael, or to want him to be happy. But what we are ultimately talking about here is Michael's agency--that is, his right to make his own choices, and to deal with and feel whatever he feels about the consequences of those choices. By either romanticizing or catastrophizing his relationship with AL, we are unintentionally removing that agency. We have to remember that Michael is an adult man who has been in many other relationships in his life, and has navigated those (with varying degrees of success) on his own. So while we can have conversations and engage in discussion here, it is very much not appropriate and not our place to intervene with any of this personally or to try and facilitate the breakup of Michael's relationship.

Remember, too, that Michael has people in his life that he can trust and confide in--his parents (who are still alive and live near him, bless them), his sister, his friends. And he has David, of course, which we know is a beautiful thing. He and David have gotten immeasurably closer over the last four years and it is genuinely heartwarming to know that he can turn to David. The point here is that while we are fans of Michael's, we are not his family nor his friends. But Michael is not alone in this, and has support available to him, and that is something to be grateful for.

Going back to my previous comments about agency, one of the things that I know I love about Michael is that he is always going to do what he wants to do. He has reasons for doing those things, which means that if he is still with Anna, there is a reason for that (even if it is, as many of us believe, due to wanting to be there for the kids). And if/when Michael should decide to break up with her, there will be a reason for that as well. The most important thing, however, is that it's his choice. That if he decides he's made a mistake, it's his mistake to own, and not something for us to save him from.

I hope this has helped to put your mind at ease. I also want to make it clear that I absolutely do not have all the answers, and this (like all my posts) is my own opinion. Taking a step back might still be a good idea, as we can all find ourselves becoming too invested from time to time, and it is good to take a breather on occasion and find perspective. Glad as always for my followers to share their thoughts on this post as well...

[wicked-secretsanta]

Merry Christmas @gliyerabaa!

Special message: Happy holidays! Thank you for being such an awesome person in the fandom <3

Read it on Ao3

“You have to help, Glinda, I keep leaving late because of her. It’s so unfair.”

“Late?” Glinda asked. “You close at eight, don’t you?”

“Yes, technically, but I can close earlier if no one’s here and no one is here after six except for her. Not to mention she always stays until after eight, it’s ridiculous. Every day? I mean, every day? How many things are there to read in this place? Surely she must’ve gone through everything already and—”

“Peace, Milla.” Glinda raised a hand as if that could fend off the rambling. “Elphie is just—”

“Oh, Elphie,” Milla scoffed. “I'm sorry, I forgot you two are joined at the hip nowadays. I don't care what Elphie is doing here, I just want to go home. It's the weekend!” 

Glinda’s face burned as Milla dragged her through the library. “Now wait a moment. What makes you think I could possibly—?” 

“Figure it out. And get her out of here!” Milla finished her sentence by pointedly shoving Glinda towards the stairs to the second floor. 

“Gee.” Glinda huffed as Milla walked away, still mumbling angrily to herself. Something about the library's end shift not being as easy as she thought it would be. “Talk about an attitude.” 

Glinda threw her hair over her shoulder and climbed the stairs purposely taking her time. Not that she wasn't sympathetic to Milla's plight, but she didn't appreciate being made fun of. She and Elphaba were definitely not joined at the hip. The nerve. 

The second floor had many tables and benches near the balustrade, and in one of those tables was Elphaba in her natural habitat, hunched over, notebook in front of her, stack of books by her elbow, splayed books in front of her, quill in a hand that was looking so cramped Glinda winced in sympathy. 

Elphaba didn't notice her arrival, too engrossed in her work. 

“Elphie,” Glinda called softly, not wanting to startle her, feeling as if she was approaching an idle animal. 

Elphaba looked up, startled, blinking beady eyes and then squinting, then removing her spectacles to rub her eyes with ink-stained fingers. Her braid was all messy, strands framing her face as if she'd raked her fingers though it repeatedly, and she had an overall frazzled look about her. 

Glinda swooned, but just a little. 

“What?” Elphaba’s voice was a little hoarse from disuse. “What are you doing here?”

Glinda cleared her throat. “It's late, Elphie, I've been sent to bring you back to the dorms.” 

“Oh.” Elphaba leaned back in her chair. “Late? But it's only—” Then she looked out into the window at the back of the room, and was greeted with the darkening colors of sunset crossing over the sky. “Oh. I lost track of time.”

A smile played on the edges of Glinda’s mouth. “As you often do. C’mon, get your things, Milla is going to kill me if I don’t get you out of here in the next minute.”

“But I’m not done.”

“You can come back tomorrow,” she said. “And God knows you will come back tomorrow. Aren’t you tired?”

Though the question was redundant, she knew at this point that Elphaba was always at least a little bit tired. She had been ever since Dr. Dillamond was murdered, just like Glinda had been permanently tired since Ama Clutch fell ill.

“I have something to show you.” Elphaba came to her feet suddenly, not even bothering to answer the question, but looking more alert than she had just a second ago. 

“Didn’t you hear me?” asked Glinda. “We have to leave. Milla is—”

“Milla won’t care for a minute or two.”

“Milla is about to have a fainting bout, Elphie.”

“She can have one after a minute or two.” She closed her notebook and stacked her books and put a bunch in her satchel, then threw it over one shoulder and grabbed her little lamp, the only light source other than the natural, dying sunlight breaking through. “Come on, it won’t take long.”

“What?” Glinda blinked, but followed Elphaba deeper into the rows of bookshelves. She had to follow her, Milla be damned, because Elphaba never included Glinda in her comings and goings in this place, the chance was too good to pass up. And to be fair Elphaba was taking her things with her, so she clearly intended to leave once she was done showing Glinda whatever she wanted to show her. “What is it?”

“Have you ever been here?” 

“To the library? Sometimes. Why?” 

“Just follow.”

“I am following.”

“There’s a lot of books that aren’t accessible to us on account of our unfortunate circumstance of being girls.”

“Unfortunate?” Glinda muttered, but Elphaba went on.

“I’ve been bribing Boq and Crope and Tibbett to find me real material from the Briscoe library. Well, I used to bribe them, but now they just do it.”

They trudged through a great number of bookshelves, moving through the rows and hallways as if going deeper and deeper into a maze. “I suppose that’s what happens when you become friends with people.”

The soft glow of the lamp caught Elphaba’s adorable grimace. “I suppose. The point is that they’re good at what they do, but I cannot walk around with the books on my person. Who knows what would happen if Morrible were to corner me, and I know she’s had her eye on me, that disgusting little tiktok creature follows me around when she thinks I’m clueless.”

It wasn’t the first time Glinda heard about this. It had started happening after the murder, and in her grief-stricken state Glinda had attributed it to Elphaba’s paranoid and conspiracy-loving mind, but she didn’t think it was so farfetched now. She had caught glimpses of Morrible’s mechanical servant in places where it shouldn’t be.

“You keep them here?” Glinda asked. “The books, I mean.”

Finally they stopped in front of a random shelf at the back, not any different than any of the others, spines and spines of weathered leather forming a wall that extended from floor to ceiling.

“Yes,” said Elphaba, and reached for one of the books. “No one ever searches here because what could the good girls of Crage Hall possibly be hiding in their library of all places?”

Glinda smiled. She wouldn’t have encouraged breaking the rules in the past, but she was beginning to see some rules only existed for the wrong reasons. “Right. Good society girls usually hide their prohibited things in their drawers or under their mattresses.”

“You would know about that,” Elphaba teased, then handed the book over. “I thought you may be interested in this one.”

Glinda squinted at it in the low light, for the sun was almost under the horizon now, and Elphaba’s lamp was quite small. From what she could gather it was some dusty, ancient spellbook. 

She closed it after realizing what it was. 

“What?” Elphaba asked. “Isn’t sorcery your preferred area of study?”

“I— well, it used to be. But it’s complicated now.”

“Because of Ama Clutch?”

“Because of Ama Clutch.” Glinda put the book back where it belonged—well, not where it belonged, but rather where Elphaba had smuggled it into. “What if it was my fault?”

“That’s—”

Then they heard the screech of a heavy door, and the unmistakable click of an even heavier lock.

“Oh, she didn’t,” Glinda whispered.

And finally, as if on a timer as tight as Milla’s schedule, the sun finished setting, and the two of them were thrown more or less into darkness in the middle of the most remote corner of the library, perhaps the most remote corner in all of Crage Hall, with only Elphaba’s little lamp to go by.

They looked at each other briefly, Elphaba scowling, Glinda rolling her eyes, and made their way out and into the main floor.

“Did your friend just lock us here on purpose?”

“Friend is a very strong word right about now,” said Glinda. 

The library’s main door was indeed locked, no amount of pushing or pulling would make it budge. 

Elphaba smashed her shoulder against it, fruitlessly, then banged on it with her open palm. “Milla! Are you still out there? Open the door right this instant, if this is a prank—”

“It’s not a prank, unfortunately.” Glinda grabbed Elphaba’s hand before she could mangle it. “She probably saw your things were gone and assumed we left without her noticing.”

Elphaba turned to her, bewildered. “And she would close up the place without being certain?”

“Oh, sure. I don’t think you understand how upset she was about having to stay here this late.”

“It’s not even closing time!”

“You don’t have to fight me about it,” Glinda grumbled. 

“Come.” Elphaba grabbed Glinda’s wrist and tugged her away from the door, still holding her lamp in her other hand. Was it gas or oil, Glinda wondered, and just how much light did they still have left?

They stopped in front of one of the windows, and Elphaba handed over the life-saving lamp. “Hold this for a second. I’ll get this open and we’ll just jump through—” Elphaba trailed off.

Glinda leaned closer to the window to see what she was seeing, just as water began pattering against it, and just as the sky lit up briefly with a flash, followed by the low rumble of thunder.

“Great,” said Elphaba. 

“God forbid things are ever easy for us.” 

“You could still leave if you don’t mind getting your clothes wet,” Elphaba said. “You won’t melt like a sugarcube the way I would. Though I suppose if I step outside my ‘melting’ would be quite more graphic and bloody than that of a sugarcube.”

Glinda grimaced. “Must you be so morbid? And I’m not leaving, Elphie. I would hate for you to be all alone in here with the storm going on, who knows when it’s going to let up.”

“You don’t have to worry, I’ll be perfectly safe. It’s not like I never spend time alone in here anyway.”

Elphaba was never going to let this go as long as she saw it as Glinda doing something for her, she had that funny way about herself where accepting someone else’s assistance was a ludicrous concept.

“I don’t want to get my hair wet,” Glinda said. “I spent a lot of time curling it this morning.”

And that was that.

“Fine, then.” Elphaba sighed. “Let’s try to put on the fireplace, it can get chilly in here, and something tells me we’ll need the light to go by.”

“You’ve been here all day,” said Glinda as they made their way back through the main floor, led by Elphaba's singular lamp. “Did you eat?”

The fact Elphaba had to think about it was hilarious, and also a little sad. “No, but it’s fine. I’m not hungry.” She was betrayed by the sudden and spectacularly well-timed growling of her stomach, because that was just the way things went.

“Mhm.”

Elphaba flushed a darker green, and cleared her throat. “It’s because you made me think about it. I wasn’t hungry a moment ago.”

“That’s entirely sensible.” Glinda nodded seriously, though of course she didn’t think it was sensible at all. “You handle the fire and I’ll make sure you don’t starve.”

“There’s nothing to eat here, food and drinks aren’t allowed.”

“Oh, Elphie,” Glinda said dramatically. “You wound me by being so distrustful! Don’t you worry about that, I’ll find you something to eat.”

Elphaba rolled her eyes. “Fine, go hunting and gathering inside the library, that’s a swell idea. Just know that I don’t eat books, contrary to popular belief.”

“I’ll be back in a clock tick.” Glinda smiled at her, and they went in their opposite directions, Elphaba towards the fireplace and Glinda towards the front desk.

Milla’s front desk, to be exact.

She got to keep the lamp so she didn’t have to stumble her way through, but she would know where to go and where to search even in total darkness. 

At this point Glinda had spent enough time with Milla—more time than either of them had ever spent with Shenshen and Pfannee—to know the girl’s habits pretty well. If she had to stay four hours a day in this place then there was no way she would do it without anything to eat in the meantime.

Glinda had only to rummage behind the front desk for a few seconds before she found what she was looking for. A half-eaten bag of almonds and peanuts, a little box of breadsticks, and nougat and other non-perishable little munchables. Perfect.

Glinda grabbed all of it, then frowned, then her eyes widened and she chuckled.

“Ah, Milla. You scoundrel.”

Behind the little pile of snacks and hidden under some stacks of papers was an innocuous dark glass bottle. Glinda pulled it out, and took out the loose cork and sniffed it, then wrinkled her nose.

Well, she supposed that was one way of coping with always having to leave on time—which for Milla meant leaving late.

She gathered all of Milla’s pastimes in her arms and made her way back to find Elphaba crouching by the fireplace with a stick, fumbling around in the darkness as she tried to get a flame going.

“C’mon, you useless—”

Glinda dropped her spoils on the nearby couch and set the lamp down on a low table, then snapped her fingers and the fireplace properly roared to life.

Elphaba stumbled back, startled, then looked over her shoulder with her typical scowl. “A little warning could’ve been nice.”

“Where’s the fun in that? I rarely get to surprise you with anything, let me have this.” 

“I thought you weren’t that interested in magic anymore.”

“I said to let me have this.” 

Elphaba dusted off her hands then came to her feet, overseeing everything Glinda brought. She glanced at her lamp, but it was a little redundant now.  “Where’d you find all of this?”

“Milla’s not-so-secret stash.” Glinda winked. “It's not exactly a proper meal but at least you won't die of starvation.” 

“I think I could've managed a few hours without—” 

Glinda tossed her the brown bag of peanuts and almonds, and it comically hit Elphaba square in the forehead. 

“Thanks for that,” Elphaba deadpanned, and the bag fell right into her waiting hand. 

“So you can say thank you! Very good, Elphie.” 

“I—” Elphaba blinked. “I have been terribly ungrateful, you're right. I'm sorry. Thank you for the food, and for staying with me while I’m trapped here.” 

Glinda's eyes lit up. Goodness, she kept swooning just because Elphaba was being a decent person. 

“You're welcome, Elphie.” This little infatuation was proving difficult to manage and also quite a bit embarrassing. “This is tonight's grand prize, however.” 

And she lifted up the liquor bottle and gave it a little shake. 

“What in the—” Elphaba snorted. “Where’d you find that?” 

“Also Milla’s not-so-secret stash.” 

“No wonder that ninny can never help me find a single book. I know the school pays only in extra credits but honestly, a little effort would go a long way, and—are you even listening?”

“Sorry.” Glinda finished taking a swig. It was kind of awfully strong. Was it moonshine? Ugh. She never would've expected that from Milla of all people. “Did you want some?” 

“Give me that. And I’d offer to sit but I’m kind of sick of staying in one place. Do you want to walk around? I can show you the library. I don't think my lamp has a long lifespan left but there's enough windows and moonlight to go by.” 

Glinda wouldn’t say no if her life depended on it. “Fine by me.”

“But—” Elphaba raised a palm between them. “Are you sure?”

“Sure of what?”

“Sure of staying here, I mean,” Elphaba said. “You don’t have to, it’s really not that long of a walk to the dormitories, you can deal with a little bit of water—”

“Elphie,” Glinda cut in slowly, more like a warning than anything else. “I'm staying until it's safe for you to go outside, and that's that. You hear me? That's that.” 

“But—” 

“That's that. I don't want to hear another word about it.” 

Elphaba blinked for a moment, just staring at Glinda, then nodded as if unsure of what she'd just heard. 

If nothing else it truly felt like progress. Glinda had been ready to argue for a while longer. 

She carried the lamp so Elphaba could munch on the ‘borrowed’ food as they walked, but they did share the bottle of moonshine between them, passing it back and forth as they went along. 

Yet Elphaba never grimaced at the strong aftertaste and she walked in a straight line, her eyes sharp even after Glinda started refusing any more of it because she was getting lightheaded.

“You can really hold your liquor, Elphie.” 

She shrugged. “I suppose. Can you?” 

“It depends on the liquor. Just never give me wine—unless you want to have a really good time.” 

“I don't know who'd say no to a really good time.” Elphaba smirked at her, and Glinda blushed something fierce.

Was Elphaba even aware of what she was doing? Why would she answer with something borderline flirtatious to Glinda’s innocent and playful comment? Or, perhaps, just perhaps, Elphaba’s intention wasn’t to flirt and she was just being her normal self. Ugh. 

Glinda hated this, she was definitely not an overthinker. Why would she be? She never had problems with the objects of her affections before, but Elphaba was—different than the rest. None of the other boys Glinda held interest towards really even came close.

Glinda was now recognizing her interest for those boys was more intellectual curiosity than actually driven by any sort of emotion. It was logical to find certain boys handsome, right? 

Well, no. 

Elphaba defied logic as much as she tended to defy all expectations. Glinda liked her, really liked her. Liked her in a way she understood intellectually was the way she was supposed to like boys, but nothing about her feelings for Elphaba were intellectual, they were just warm and humane, driven by pure sentiment instead of logic. 

She sighed, walking beside Elphie these halls that smelled of paper and ink and dust and noticing that Elphaba moved through them with an ease that Glinda had never seen. 

She hoped the storm would never let up, or that at least it would last the whole night. 

“You look right at home,” Glinda said. “More than you ever look at home in our dorm.” 

“I never spent too much time in rooms, not even as a child.” Elphaba talked without looking at her, her eyes instead scanning the bookcases. It was eerily quiet this deep into the library, even the sound of the rain was a distant thing. “Libraries, though—well, when I could. The one in Colwen Grounds is quite extensive, yet it's private, it belongs only to my family. All that knowledge—” Her fingers trailed over some dusty spines. “And it's not shared. And even if it was, there's simply not enough time to know it all. I used to spend hours upon hours upon days trying, reading whatever I could get my hands on and trying to understand what I was reading so I could— I’ve just rambled like a madwoman, sorry.”

“If anything, you don't talk to me enough, Elphie.” Milla may call them ‘joined at the hip’, yet Glinda would spend even more time with Elphaba if that was possible. 

Elphaba looked at her puzzled, her head tilted to the side as if Glinda had said something entirely incomprehensible. 

 “What are some of your favorite things about this place?” Glinda asked because she was growing flustered yet again. “Show me.”

She realized that for Elphaba this wasn’t only a place to come in and do research or do her homework. She liked being here, and whether that was because it reminded her of her childhood or because of something else Glinda would like to know. 

Elphaba smiled at her, the silvery moonlight giving her a sort of sheen that was quite entrancing, even if she was otherwise so disheveled. Yet another thing Glinda wouldn’t mind doing for her, fix up her braid and wipe the ink stains away from her fingers.

How odd it was to want to take care of someone in such gentle ways, usually Glinda was the one craving to be pampered, but Elphaba’s unkempt edges—which in the past had seemed ghastly to her—were inviting.

“Let’s go, then,” Elphaba said. “There’s one thing you may want to see.”

“Other than illicit books?”

“Other than that.”

At the back of the main floor, in a space cleared of books, was something that looked very out of place for a library of all things.

It was a piano.

Glinda frowned. “I thought this place was supposed to be quiet at all times.”

“It’s a showpiece more than something you’re meant to play,” Elphaba said. “Let me show you.”

Glinda didn’t understand how such a common piano could be a showpiece. It wasn’t much different from all the other pianos she had ever seen in parties or receptions, or in her own lessons from when she was a little girl. It was sleek and black and it stood on four legs, more shiny than she expected from a place otherwise so dusty but utterly ordinary.

“It doesn’t look like much,” Glinda said.

“Watch.” 

They sat together on the piano bench, which was small, so it meant that they were quite together and the closeness was not helping Glinda’s growing case of being disastrously in love with her best friend.

She cleared her throat. “Do you know how to play?”

“Well, no,” Elphaba said, lifting the covers off the keys. “But that's not entirely necessary for what I want to actually show—” 

So Glinda was the one that played. She wasn’t an expert by any means but she remembered her lessons well enough she could conjure up an old child’s lullaby, a slow rhythm. It was a little clumsy, but overall not too terrible.

“I didn’t know you could do that,” Elphaba said softly as if not to cut through the music with her voice.

“There are a lot of things I can do that you don’t know about.”

There was that sly smile again. “Like what?”

“Like—” Glinda faltered a little, then she just stopped altogether to turn her head and look at Elphaba directly. 

It really was a small bench, made even smaller by the fact Glinda had to sit somewhat in the middle to have access to the pedals below. Her thigh pressed against Elphaba’s almost entirely, and their arms brushed together as Glinda took her hands away from the keys.

Glinda licked her lips. “Um. What did you want to show me this piano for, anyway?”

It took Elphaba a second to process that she was being spoken to. “Right. Here.” And she leaned around the side of the piano and did something, and then there was a click and a soft buzz. 

And then the keys and the pedals started moving on their own, repeating to perfection Glinda's slightly imperfect rendition. 

“What in Oz?” she murmured, her eyes wide. “It's—a tiktok thing?” 

“Yeah,” Elphaba said, satisfied. “Like Morrible's little servant, only much less unsettling. It helps that you’re good at it, if I’d been the one playing we’d be stuck with a much more disastrous loop.”

Glinda recalled Elphaba saying the library could get chilly without the fireplace, but she couldn't imagine how that would be true, she had never felt warmer in her life, the heat expanded from her cheeks and intensified where Elphaba was pressed against her. Elphaba’s body felt like an open flame next to her. 

“I wouldn’t say I’m good,” Glinda said in a rush. “Most girls I know can play a song or two.”

“My father tried to put me in lessons, too.” Thankfully, Elphaba wasn’t looking at her. “He wanted me to play hymns on the organ for the church at home.”

“And what happened?”

“I think I bit a priest or a maunt, I don’t really remember.” She grinned. “But there was blood and after that no one was so willing to teach me.”

Glinda grinned right back. “Incorregible.”

The music kept playing, a constant loop of the same song over and over, and Elphaba reached for the bottle she had set on the floor again, then frowned at it.

“What’s the matter?” asked Glinda.

“Look at this.”

Elphaba tilted the bottle a bit to catch the light of the lamp, and it glinted off the inscription at the front.

“Today you’ve shown me all sorts of things,” Glinda said with a smile. “What is it?”

“This thing is a gift from Boq.”

“From Boq?” Glinda took a closer peek at the engraved letters. 

“He’s taking some arts and crafts electives, look.” 

Glinda arched her eyebrows, but indeed the markings at the front of the bottle she thought were nothing but branding were actually a message in a nice script. Could we share the next one? Love, Boq. 

“Oh God.” She laughed. “That’s extremely corny for someone like Milla, I can imagine the face she made. But of course she would never say no to some moonshine.”

“I didn’t know they had a thing for each other.”

“A thing,” Glinda repeated, amused. “Boq’s been hovering over her shoulder for a while now.”

“I thought he was sweet for you instead.”

“He hasn’t been in months, Elphie.” 

“Huh. The more you know.”

“You’re absolutely clueless.”

“I’m not ashamed, sometimes it’s good to be clueless about certain things.” Elphaba shrugged. “You’re not upset that your admirer found someone else to admire?”

“Are you kidding me? Not whatsoever. Good riddance to him. I never should've let him kiss me but in retrospect perhaps that was the beginning of the end.”

“You let him kiss you?” Elphaba put the bottle back on the floor, frowning at Glinda now. “Why?”

“A regrettable and terrible moment of weakness. Besides, I was upset, and that proved a distraction—albeit a boring one. Kissing boys has got to be the most boring thing in the world.” 

“But why were you upset?” 

Ah, Glinda definitely did not want to get into the complicated maelstrom of complications that’d been the day at the Caprice and Pines, when Shenshen and Pfannee thought it would be hilarious to impersonate Glinda in a letter and invite Elphaba there for a lark.

A lark at Glinda’s expense, mind you. She still couldn’t believe her feelings for Elphaba were so evident that even those girls could tell. It’d been so mortifying to be so known.

“Uhh—” She couldn’t tell any of that to Elphaba, however. “Never mind all that!” She leaned against Elphaba in the small bench, defaulting to just keeping her close in hopes of distracting her.

“Regrettable, you said?” Elphaba chuckled, but she wrapped an arm around Glinda’s shoulder as the slow music kept playing. 

The gesture brought them even closer together, and Glinda fully rested her head on Elphaba’s shoulder, her entire body relaxing in the low light, with the slow music, with the nearness.

She longed to be even nearer.

“How come I never knew?” Elphaba asked.

Glinda really didn’t want to keep discussing that. “Have you ever kissed anyone, Elphie?” Way to divert the conversation.

Elphaba snorted. “Don't be absurd.”

“Why is that absurd?” 

“Not all of us can have the entire university pining for us.” 

“Wait a moment.” Glinda’s brow furrowed. “Are you talking about me? I don’t have the entire university pining for me.”

“Of course not, just Boq, and Fiyero, and that idiot Avaric and—” She shut her mouth abruptly, and Glinda tilted her head back just to catch a glimpse of the way Elphaba’s cheeks darkened.

Glinda’s heart fluttered briefly. Should she dare hope?

“Who’d want to kiss me, anyway?” Elphaba muttered darkly. She was as adept at diverting the conversation as Glinda was, clearly.

The lamp on top of the piano flickered once, twice, and then went out completely like a whisper, total darkness enveloping them save from the dim moonlight barely illuminating the edges of Elphaba’s face.

Between their closeness and the darkness, Glinda decided to let herself hope.

She licked her lips. Her cheek was pressed against Elphaba’s shoulder, she lifted a hand to carefully brush a strand of hair away from her neck, briefly brushing against Elphaba’s pulse point. It was quick like a hummingbird’s wings. 

“I can think of someone who’d want to kiss you.” 

“Oh, really?” Elphaba’s scowl got even deeper with disbelief, her voice thick with sarcasm. “Well, I'd love to meet that person.” 

“You actually know her well enough. She is, quite literally and figuratively, all over you.” 

“She—” Elphaba's brain visibly malfunctioned, looking down at the way Glinda was basically draped over her in this cramped little piano bench. “She—you—” Her eyes widened a bit, and Glinda gave her a moment. “Are you serious?” 

“As the grave.” 

“But—” 

“Actually, never mind,” Glinda said suddenly, pushing away as her nerve abandoned her just as quick as it had arrived. “I just realized how odd that was, so let me just—” 

“No! No, wait, wait.” Elphaba’s hands went on to Glinda’s shoulders so she could keep her there. “You’re serious?”

It was good that the place was otherwise so dark, because Glinda did not want Elphaba to see how red her face was. “Yes! And please don’t ask that again. Yes, I’m serious. I guess the question now is do you want to kiss me?”

“Glinda, everyone wants to kiss you.”

“But you’re not like everyone, Elphie.”

It was quiet for a moment, one of Elphaba’s hands on her shoulder slowly made its way towards Glinda’s hair, and she twirled a stray curl around her finger. Glinda had never been so unmoving in her life, she was nearly holding her breath.

“I think that when it comes to you,” Elphaba’s voice was a whisper, a soft rush of air. “I am more like everyone else than you think.”

The world came to a stop for a moment, and when it resumed motion it did so gently, like so: Glinda's lips parted just a little, mostly in surprise, and Elphaba's eyes flickered down. 

And then Glinda leaned towards her, not even conscious of the frantic beating of her heart, not anymore. And then, and then, and then, she kissed her. 

Other than the clumsy and slow song still playing, the place was silent and still, and kissing Elphaba was nothing like Glinda had expected—and she hadn’t had expectations at all, truly. It was never a thought Glinda liked to indulge in because she thought it would never happen.

Except that now it was happening, and it was better than anything she could’ve tried to picture anyway. Elphie tasted like that awful moonshine but Glinda didn't really care, nor did she care about the spectacles barely digging into her nose. There was no room to care about anything like that. 

Elphaba held onto her shoulders rather gently, a touch that was just barely there, just like the touch of their lips, a soft press that was feather light and careful, for Glinda was still aware of the fact it was Elphaba's first ever kiss—she didn't want to be overwhelming. 

But there was no reason to worry about that. Elphaba tackled most things in her life with the same intense drive, and this was no different. She said she had never kissed anyone before, and yet she kissed Glinda like she never wanted to do anything else. 

Glinda shifted a little, smiled into Elphaba's mouth and that was taken as encouragement. They kissed for a long, long time. Longer than Glinda had ever kissed anyone before, which suited her just fine, and in fact she was oddly giddy to be sharing a first time of her own with Elphaba. 

So long in fact that it eventually stopped raining, but neither of them noticed for a while.

Until whatever mechanism kept the piano going finally stopped and that broke the spell the two of them found themselves in, and they realized that it was just a little too quiet inside the library.

“I think—the storm’s over,” Elphaba said softly.

Glinda blinked slowly at her, dazzled. “The what?” 

Elphaba snorted, one thumb brushing the side of Glinda's mouth, perhaps trying to fix her smudged lipstick but all she did was make Glinda's heart do a somersault. “The storm, my sweet. We can leave through a window now.” 

“What did you just call me?” 

“Sweet.” Elphaba now pressed her thumb over Glinda's lips. “That's how you taste.” 

Glinda had to kiss her again after that. She had to. What else was she supposed to do? 

Luckily Elphaba didn't complain. 

But this time Glinda didn't let herself get carried away, she was the first to pull back and stand up with haste because being so close to Elphaba was making her only want to stay close to her for the rest of the night, and they really had to leave. 

“That eager to run away from me?” Elphaba asked with some amusement. “You wouldn't be the first.” 

“Oh, hush, you seem to have no idea of what you've done; you'll never get rid of me now.” 

“I won't complain about that.” 

“Get up.” Glinda laughed softly. “We should hurry in case the storm comes back.”

“Suddenly I'm not so keen on leaving.” Elphaba’s braid was basically nonexistent and totally shapeless at this point. Glinda would really have to fix it for her later once they were in the safety of their shared room. 

But first thing's first, they had to get out of there. And then she would make sure Elphaba carried an umbrella wherever she went. 

“Let's go, Elphie, don't kick up a hard time about it.” Glinda paused, and decided a different tactic. “Nothing will stop us from kissing again once we’re back, you know.”

Elphaba had never gotten to her feet faster.

[notthequiettype]

about an ash

hello hi howdy etc, since tumblr has completely fucked up the way a blog's subheader looks on mobile and it can't be expanded any more, we're making a pinned post!

the basics: ash • old and unhinged • ao3 • twitter • ask • currently into hockey and hrpf, always into something • i block u18s and bad vibes on sight • if you consider text nsfw, i'm the definition • nsfw images are (usually, but imperfectly) tagged unsafefw • i keep a full queue, do not tag anything consistently, and generally don't use read mores • like and reblog at will, you're not bothering me • i know the difference between fiction & reality. do you?

i am a wild and oilers homer with a third team that just kind of alternates depending on my interest but i do follow most of the league throughout the season and there's not a single team without a couple of guys i like and i will read and write anything if it interests me enough, including probably every kink and kind of """problematic""" content you can imagine (well, not that one... or probably that one, but no palette can hold every color, right?)

i love asks and love chatting with you guys but am sometimes bad at responding (as we all have the right to be! be nicer to yourselves!) and often save nice messages instead of replying so i can hoard them. also if you don’t want to send anon or if i have anon turned off, please know that whatever account you send me a message from is always safe with me, if you ask me not to publish your name if i answer a q, i am happy to do that <3

i hate the tumblr messaging system, but i do try my best to use it if someone sends me one, tbh the easiest place to have a conversation with me is twitter (which i also have an info post about lmao)

i block ruthlessly and plentifully -- bad takes, annoying content, not appreciating leon draisaitl like he deserves, being mean to connor mcdavid or the minnesota wild -- my definition of 'bad vibes' above is broad and it's probably not personal and tbh i will tolerate a lot if i like you and i'm very easy to please!

i will not ever block you for being horny in my notifs tho, even if it is not my flavor of horny, for i respect no greater freedom on this here website than that one

tho i have begun mildly defrosting toward him after the cup final results, if you are primarily a matthew tkachuk fan (or only here for my matthew/leon content) i am afraid you are likely to be disappointed for the foreseeable future

okay, that's it, i think! sorry to have to be a pinned post guy, i really was so close to doing a sarcastic dni and didn't so at least there's that, love you!! <333

[just-a-carrot]

Obligatory every now and then "thank you for making the games that you do" ask 😌 it is so rare to see queer and mental health representation as honest and in-depth as your games. A big reason I spend a lot of my time making whacky little OW drawings is because it always just brightens my mood, being able to draw little guys who are like me in a way a lot of ways I just don't see expressed often. As someone who is Rather Disabled and Rather Queer, it's nice to just... have games where being those things is okay. Seeing nonbinary representation as honest and open as Gidget honestly made me tear up when I saw it. As someone who has Been Through That Stuff (in places that were-- and probably still are-- life-threatening to be seen as queer), I felt so seen by them and what they've been through. (I also forgot to mention but I did get the Gidget haircut eventually 😌 gender/10) ANYWAYS. Sorry if this ask got too Personal or anything I am a horrible judge of stuff like that 😅 but I did want to say thanks. (Also while I'm at it, thanks for answering the many asks I send about incredibly random topics related to the blorbos. I get very anxious about sending them so I don't half the time [nothing to do with anyone, I am just Anxiety: The Rabbit], but for the times I do, thank you for entertaining the asks even if they are utterly ridiculous most of the time haha. (And thanks for the help/feedback on dev-related stuff too, it's appreciated 😌 the comment left on TRJ still brightens my day whenever I think about it because I thought while making it that no one would enjoy it... but receiving that shortly after publishing it assuaged my fears by quite a bit so I'd just like to say thanks for that too. (...Whoops I think I have made a message Utterly Too Long but I hope it gets the points across??? Maybe??? Hopefully???)

weep this is incredibly sweet???? 😭💕

it literally brings me the utmost joy when people can see parts of themselves in my chars or relate to my char at all or feel seen, etc. also because a big part of this game is based on my own experiences and struggles so it helps ME feel seen when OTHERS also feel seen because then we can all relate together and maybe feel a little less alone in the experiences we've gone through in life

LKDJALFKDSFADF PLEASE DON'T EVER BE ANXIOUS ABOUT SENDING IN ASKS I LITERALLY LOVE RESPONDING TO THEM????? (tho i get it it would probably make me anxious too now matter how many times someone said that LOL) but fr i love going through my ask box and answering silly little questions. especially lately my anxiety's been cranked up to 11 so getting to distract myself with silliness is oftentimes a lovely godsend 💕

AND OFC 🥺 i always want to help in any way i can and also just spread love as much as i can. being a dev in general can feel so isolating, especially when we're neck-deep in deeply personal projects that take a lot out of us to work on (no matter how much we love them lakdfad). it helps knowing we've got others out there that can support us and have our backs and a little community of small devs that can relate to each others' issues and boost each other up

LDKJFALDFKA DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT thank you so much for this sweet message!! i got a bit teary-eyed reading it sob 😭💕