#I'm so happy she wanted to do this with me
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702 991Jackie's doing a lot better then me I'm so happy and proud I'm tryen to fix Vinny to be the best me for her that's all I ever wanted in life is to see her smile and feel safe in life because she deserves nothing but the best intentions no matter what because she still wass and will always be my trust friend and soulmate a bond that's real and everlasting I don't deserve the beauty in her heart but I know it better then she does as she knows mine better then meJackie's doing a lot better then me I'm so happy and proud I'm tryen to fix Vinny to be the best me for her that's all I ever wanted in life is to see her smile and feel safe in life because she deserves nothing but the best intentions no matter what because she still wass and will always be my trust friend and soulmate a bond that's real and everlasting I don't deserve the beauty in her heart but I know it better then she does as she knows mine better then me
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Just Hold Me
Rio Vidal x Reader
Word Count: 1k
Notes: Fluff x 100, comfort x 1 million, very soft
Summary: You had a rough day and Rio wants to comfort you, but she wonders if she's doing enough.
An: The yearly fluff I post after Christmas. Soft as a bunny's tail.
Masterlist
Love was such a strange thing. Tangled up in emotions like hurt, betrayal, and longing, but also bathed in happiness, care, and optimism. It was complex enough with normal people, but you had fallen for Death itself.
Loving Rio was like loving a hurricane. It was wild and even if some things were predictable, you couldn’t always prepare for what was to come. Having a trail of destruction behind her was a part of her job.
It was something she only found shame in when she was with you. She didn’t want you to think that of her. The truth being, that you never could. It was what had drawn you to her in the first place. Death didn’t scare you, not at all. Falling into her embrace felt like destiny. You’d tell her, but Rio was never one for fate, she said if anything it was an omen.
She was so scared of the consequences when it came to being with you. She tried to go against her urges, but you were patient. In her mind you’d forget her and move on with someone more suitable, but you never did. You knew what you wanted and it was her.
There would never be anyone to come close.
Rio was a good girlfriend. She was affectionate, and as attentive as she could be. There were still some things that she was uncertain about when it came to her emotions. After all she had only learned them from her limited experience in other relationships and observing others. She had seen a lot, but that didn’t mean she understood it all.
So when she appeared in your home to find your curled up on the couch, hidden by a blanket, she simply tilted her head to the side before approaching you.
“Love?”
You heard her voice, but felt like you couldn’t move or speak. Instead you let out a soft hum in response. It caught Rio off guard, she was still assessing the situation, but it wasn’t looking good.
She stepped into your point of view, crouching so that she could meet your eyes. She was taken aback by the sadness in them. The bags under your eyes were dark and heavy. Rio pouted seeing the red hues scattered in them.
She reaches out cautiously to hold your face in her hands. Her touch was warm, it made you briefly close your eyes.
“What happened?” Rio’s voice was soft, as if she was scared of pushing.
However you weren’t like the lovers of her past. You wouldn’t push her away, so you took a deep breath trying to muster up your voice.
“Hold me,” you managed to murmur.
Rio was quick to shed her work clothes and create more comfortable attire for the sake of both of you. You briefly sat up on the couch, only enough for the Green Witch to slip behind you. Once she was behind you, you tugged her arm over your body. You held it in place keeping her hold on you tight.
Rio places a delicate kiss on the back of your neck, “I'm not going anywhere."
For a while you stay in that position silently. Neither of you break through the quiet. Rio thinks she’s eventually going to hear your breathing level but it doesn’t.
“Long day,” you mumble against her hand.
“I think I know something about those,” Rio threaded her fingers through yours.
You let out a small laugh, “I bet you do.”
You feel the time shift again. You turn to face Rio who scans over your features again.
“Is there something I can do?”
You see the worry in her eyes and it makes your heart swell. The smallest furrow in her brow, the usual mischief in her eyes is gone, her tone is missing the teasing edge.
“Just this,” you bury your head in the crease of her neck.
You inhale deeply, her scent always grounds you. That specific scent of earth freshly hit with rain. You could get lost in her aroma, it almost makes you feel like you’re outside. You can feel her skin cooling, which only submerges you deeper into the fantasy.
Now both of her hands hold you. She kisses the top of your head. Rio is still uncertain about it she should be doing more for you. This didn't feel like enough. She wanted to destroy whatever it was that made your day so hard. Seeing you in this state was tugging at her heart strings.
She began to trace patterns into your back. You didn't mind, you like having her hands on you, being this close together. It helped you feel safe.
“Are you sure it’s enough,” Rio whispers, insecurities gnawing at her.
You pull back just enough to look at her, “Rio Vidal you’ll always be enough for me.”
Your words knocked the wind right out of her, she felt her face getting warm under your gaze, but she wasn’t trying to hide it from you.
“I’d do anything for you, you know that? Legal or illegal. If I need to go fuck up your boss I will. If I need to pop your annoying coworkers tire, I will. If you needed me to hunt down a Karen I-"
“I know,” you cut her off.
“All of the above?” Rio wriggles her eyebrows playfully.
You move to sit up and she sits beside you.
You rub a hand over your face, “Work was fine, I guess. A few difficult customers, but nothing out of the ordinary. I don’t really know why, but today just felt harder to get through than other days. Nothings wrong, I just feel a little… down.”
Rio listen intently as you speak. When you finish she nods slowly, “I think I know what you need.”
“You do?”
Rio nods with a little more certainty, “Let me cook for us. We’ll order some snacks and pop in a movie. We can keep cuddling too. And tomorrow, I think you should call out. We’ll spend the whole day together, I know all the best parks for walks. How does that sound?”
You let out a sigh of relief, “That sounds perfect. I love you.”
Rio places a gentle kiss on your lips, “I love you too.”
Rio reluctantly begins to stand, but you pull her back down, “Just hold me a bit longer?”
She lays her back flat on the couch and pulls you on top of her, stealing another peck.
“Always.”
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Extra cream and sugar.
Pairing: Frankie Morales x f!reader Words count: 5295 Rating: +18, NSFW, MDNI. Summary: Frankie is your barista, every morning you walk into his café asking for a tall coffee with extra cream and sugar. He dreams of giving you another kind of cream… Tags: Frankie's POV, brief description of reader and what she wear but no mention of her skin tone, she doesn't blush, she has hair but it's not described (she's you, baby ♥︎) , reader has her own business, pining, yearning, slow burn, Frankie is eager for you, masturbation, obviously mention of coffee and sweets, a side of Christmas (just a glimpse), soft!Frankie, kinda rom-com vibes but we go smutty 😏, unprotected p in v (reader is on the pill but still, do better irl), cream pie, nipples play (At this point you know me so you expect it, right?), reader rides him cowgirl style (yeehaw!), teasing, Frankie wants you to tell him exactly what you want from him, pussy pronouns, Frankie is smitten with you bb, no age gap, mention of alcohol, derogatory pussy eating (because it's Frankie, you know), oral (m! receiving), masturbation, dirty thoughts, dirty talk, some more filth I probably don't remember. Please, excuse me, I'm posting this almost 2 am as the usual mess that I am LOL. If I forgot something I will add it asap. I wrote a temperature in Celsius degrees somewhere in this fic, I don't know anything about Fahrenheit, sorry, I'm Italian. A/N: This fic is my Christmas gift to all of you who support me and have loved my Frankie so much in the past, I really didn't think so many people would like him 🥹 And it's especially dedicated to @baronessvonglitter who gave me this prompt around November, I promised her I would do something with it and this is the result 🤭 No beta, no proofread, no nothing, we're going down with this ship, please have mercy. I really hope you like it and I wish you happy holidays, love you all ❤️
Frankie had been noticing you for weeks. You would arrive every morning at 10:30 and ask for tall coffee with extra cream and sugar.
He thought you looked lovely, with your sexy dresses, a dainty necklace around your neck, little makeup except for a red lipstick on your gorgeous lips.
You were the highlight of the day. He had decided to open a café after retiring from the army because there was nothing he wanted more than to live a quiet life. He had seen enough pain and destruction for two whole lifetimes, all he wanted to take care of now were coffee blends, foamed milk, blueberry muffins and chocolate chip cookies.
He loved arriving in the morning and quietly opening his place, arranging the pastries in the display cases, turning on the coffee machine, setting up the tables, and getting everything ready while waiting for the city to wake up and the customers to start arriving. You were his favorite since you first appeared before him almost 3 weeks ago, but who was counting?
You were pretty in the truest sense of the word according to him, radiant, elegant without striving, charming and nice.
He had started waiting until 10:30 just to see you, with butterflies in his stomach in anticipation and his heart pounding in his chest as soon as you walked in the door.
The first time you had spoken to him he had been enchanted by your eyes; he could have sworn they were the most beautiful he had ever seen. He had not heard a single word you had said and had made you repeat the order, apologizing.
You had laughed, and your sweet laughter had resounded in his ears like music. It had never happened to him, not even once, but at that moment it was as if everything else in the world had stopped and only you existed.
“One tall coffee to go, extra cream and sugar, please,” you had patiently repeated.
You looked so pure that it seemed almost immoral to him the way his jeans had suddenly become tight.
He had shaken himself, trying to come to his senses, hurriedly headed for the coffee machine. He had prepared your cup to go and set it on the counter in front of you "cocoa? sprinkles?" he had stammered, awkward and nervous. Heck, he'd spent years in the military, he could fly a damn helicopter, his business was going strong, but in front of you he felt like he didn't know what to do with himself.
"Uhm..sprinkles, thank you," you had smiled.
He had sprinkled colored heart-shaped sprinkles on the cream -- so pathetic, he had to admit, but they seemed to suit you --, closed it with the clear plastic lid and handed it to you, all with fear of spilling something and making a mess.
"It looks so yummy, thank you" you chirped handing money to him.
“Thanks to you, um, come again,” Frankie had stammered, running his sweaty palms over his apron.
He had watched you leave, your ass swaying deliciously wrapped in your skirt, and a whiff of your perfume had reached his nostrils, filling them with a heavenly flowery scent.
It had taken him a few seconds too long to pay attention to the next customer, a rather impatient middle-aged man who had ruined the magic you had brought into his café.
He had hoped you would come back all evening, and the next morning he woke up even earlier than usual, showered, stood several minutes in front of his closet thinking about which of his shirts you might like best, even wasted time adjusting his beard. He had even contemplated not wearing the cap he always wore with fear that you might find it silly, but in the end habit won out. Besides, he had thought, I might as well show her who I really am. That is, assuming she comes back. And if she doesn't come back? He had felt so disappointed at the idea. Maybe you hadn't even liked his coffee in the end. Once at the café, he had kept himself as busy as possible so as not to drown in false hopes, but he had found himself staring at the clock more often than he would have liked to admit.
At precisely 10:30 a.m. you had entered. You were even more beautiful than the day before, wrapped in a little flowery dress, your beautiful legs exposed, your sweet scent in the air.
He knew absolutely nothing about you, had barely spoken to you and yet his palms were sweating again, his throat was as dry as a desert, he nervously switched his weight from one leg to the other, standing behind the counter as he watched you approach.
“Good morning,” you had said, with a sweet smile spreading across your face.
“Uh...good morning,” he had stammered, ”what would you like this morning?”
“Tall coffee to go, extra cream and sugar, please.”
Your melodious voice had again gone straight to the crotch of his pants.
“Same as yesterday” he had said ”coming right up.”
“Oh, you remember!” you sounded surprised. How could he have forgotten the most beautiful creature who had ever set foot in his café?
“Um, yeah, it's my job after all” he had clutched his shoulders. He didn't remember orders from customers who had been coming to him for months, he had memorized yours instantly. He didn't need to let you know anyway.
“That's so cute,” you had observed while continuing to give him that amazing smile.
He had turned to make your coffee feeling your eyes behind his back, he was so nervous that he almost burned himself pouring the coffee into the cup.
He had managed to avoid it by a whisker; he would have hated to look clueless in front of you.
“There you go,” he had smiled nervously at you, ”be careful, it's very hot.”
“I will, thank you” you had answered him softly.
You had paid him and headed for the exit, turning to look at him before pushing open the door “Have a good day”
“Oh, thank you, you too” he had replied, his voice hoarse with excitement.
That evening he had surrendered to his lowest instincts and as soon as he had jumped into the shower after a long day's work, he had allowed himself to close his eyes and think about you.
He had tightened his hand around his cock and thought about your scent, your smile, how your dress deliciously enveloped your tits, showing off your cleavage.
He had imagined kissing you and feeling the softness of your lips, lowering a hand between your legs and discovering that you were not wearing panties, running his fingers over your wet folds and then bending over in front of you and making you come with his tongue.
He had lingered in these fantasies as he pumped his cock faster and faster, stroking the tip, imagining that it was your delicate hand doing it, your red-enameled nails wrapped around its length.
He had come in his hand, soiling the shower wall, uncontrolled, totally enraptured by the wonderful vision of you in his head.
____________________________________
He had continued to play it cool for three weeks, but by now every time you came in his head was just thinking “say something more than ‘good morning’ and ‘be careful not to burn yourself’ and ‘have a nice day,’ you idiot.” Ask her something, find out if she's involved with someone.”
So one morning he finally had attempted “Do you work near here?” he had asked, handing you your usual coffee.
You had hesitated a moment before answering, “Actually, yes, just a stone's throw away. You know that jewelry store that opened three weeks ago? That's mine.”
“Oh, great,” he had said, straining not to smile like a sucker.
“Yeah, I'm a jewelry designer, I finally got to open a store with my own brand, I'm very excited.” your eyes twinkled with pride and Frankie had thought you were so incredibly beautiful that he wanted to kiss you there and then.
You had held out your hand to him and said your name, and he had shaken it with his heart in his throat.
“Nice, and nice name by the way” he had replied instead, ‘did you make that one?’ pointing to your necklace. It had a small star-shaped pendant.
“Yes, do you like it?” you had asked, brushing it with your fingers.
“I like it very much, it looks good on you.”
“Thank you,” you had replied, smiling, ”well, if you have to give any gifts to your girlfriend or wife, come by and see me.”
“Uh, actually, I'm not married or even engaged.” He babbled, looking at you embarrassed.
“Oh. Well, I see.” and then in a lower voice and winking at him you had added, ”Can't say I'm sorry.”
Holy fuck, you were flirting.
His cock had twitched at your wink; he couldn't believe that all this time you had been reciprocating his silent interest.
“I have to go back to work, now. Have a nice day, Frankie,” you said, smiling and heading for the exit.
He was dumbfounded a few seconds wondering how you knew his name, since in the heat of the moment he hadn't even told you. Then he had looked down at his shirt, where his name tag was pinned.
“I like your cap, by the way,” you had said before you left.
“Oh. Thank you. I like your dress," he had replied a little too loudly, so much so that people at the tables had turned around cackling.
You looked at him one last time with a smug expression before disappearing down the street.
____________________________________
Christmas was coming, as much as it may have felt like Christmas in Florida with 26 degrees during the day. Frankie had decorated the café with small silver decorations at the windows, a small Christmas tree near the counter filled with lights that were also silver.
While decorating however, the only thing he was thinking about was you. He had done everything early in the morning, before opening, wondering what you were doing, if you had just woken up and were stretching in bed with your hair tousled and your eyes still clouded by sleep. He wondered what you were wearing to sleep, wondering if you were a babydoll type or more of a T-shirt and shorts type.
Or maybe you were sleeping naked. He daydreamed of your florid body wrapped in your sheets, the soft curve of your ass, your breasts, your nipples brushing against the cotton fabric.
“Shit!” he exclaimed, realizing that he had dropped one of the balls he was putting on the tree, which had ruinously fallen to the ground, splitting into a thousand pieces on the floor.
He rolled his eyes as he went to the closet to get a broom and dustpan.
Maybe it was time to stop fantasizing and get moving on asking you out.
He was terrified that you would say no but he had to do it before someone else tried. Someone like you wouldn't be alone for long.
You had entered the venue at the usual time, admiring the decorations. Frankie felt a small surge of pride in the middle of his chest as you approached the counter. “Oh wow, this is so festive, I love it.”
He knew he had just smiled like a dork but he didn't care.
In your brief little chats you had mentioned that you were not originally from Florida so he took the opportunity to ask, “Are you going to visit your family for Christmas?”
You had smiled, squinting slightly, with that look that was now familiar from when you noticed his true intentions. You had given it to him with every attempt he made to flirt with you.
“Um no, actually Christmas is the best time to work for me. So I'm going to stay here.”
He had felt his heart do a little jolt in his chest as he struggled to find the right words to ask to take you to dinner.
He felt like he had never been so awkward in his life, but the truth was that he really liked you and made him nervous with your innate confidence and the sensuality you exuded.
“Well, if you'd like to go out sometime, I'd be happy to” he babbled.
“Gladly.” you had replied, looking at him -- he would have sworn -- mischievously.
“So...um...how about Saturday? Is 7 okay?”
“Perfect. You can pick me up at the store.” you had replied, fiddling with your pendant.
“Okay, well...see you soon then.”
You had leaned over the counter for a moment, signaling him with your finger to come closer, and when you had been close enough to his ear you whispered, “It's about time.”
You had left while your voice still rang in his ears like a siren song.
On Saturday night Frankie was so nervous that he had changed his clothes four times. Finally he had decided that a blue shirt and a pair of jeans would do. Maybe.
You had said you liked his cap but he had decided it was not appropriate to wear it to take you to dinner, so he had left his hair wet and styled it back with a little gel.
He arrived at 7 parking in front of your store and entered looking for you.
You weren’t there. He had looked around and the place was just like you, elegant but not overly so, bright and warm.
There were small display cases filled with bracelets, rings, necklaces, watches even.
All very fine, carefully crafted things, not that he understood much about jewelry but they looked well made and high quality to him.
You had put little window decorations similar to his own, and he couldn't help but smile as he looked at them.
Not only you were beautiful and funny, you were also talented and smart enough to run your own business, a strong independent and brilliant woman with ambitions.
He felt a jolt down his spine feeling unworthy of you with his simpler and quieter life.
You had appeared from the back after a short while "Oh there you are! Hello!” you had greeted him with a smile, approached him and kissed his cheek. He had brushed your arm as you leaned closer, feeling your soft skin under his fingers and his heart bouncing in his chest.
"So what do you think?" you had said, gesturing to the place.
“I can't say I'm a connoisseur, but it looks like a beautiful store to me,” he had said.
“Thank you. I really like your café, too.”
“Oh, that’s nothing compared to this” he brushed off.
“I don’t think so, your coffee is so good and that cupcake I tried the other day? It was heavenly. I would say you did a great job with it” you insisted and he felt suddenly better.
"Well I actually… I don't bake them, I get them from a supplier.” He had admitted.
“You have good taste anyway.” You had shrugged, smiling.
The hold you had on him was ridiculous at that point, you could have said whatever to him and he would believe you without hesitation.
“Let me get my purse and close the store and then we can go.”
___________________________________
Frankie had tried to behave like a real gentleman, had opened the door for you, complimented you on the dress you were wearing -- continuing to ogle your thighs while you were sitting next to him -- , asked you things about yourself, your studies and your life while driving to the restaurant.
The more you chatted the more comfortable he felt, you were witty, subtly flirty, exactly what he expected.
Truth was that he would have jumped on you immediately but he was trying to control himself so you wouldn't think he was a creep.
His cock however was of a different opinion, his jeans were starting to get really tight and he was afraid you would notice. You had a smirk on your face, something that made him think it was possible that you were desiring him as much as he was desiring you but he didn't want to risk making a wrong move.
“I'm sorry not to see your cap tonight” you had joked and then added ”your hair looks good though.”
“Thank you.”
“And I like the shirt,” you had said, lingering with your gaze on his outstretched arm holding the steering wheel.
He had decided to take you to one of his favorite restaurants, nothing too fancy because he wouldn't feel comfortable, the place was warm and familiar and put him at ease.
He had asked for a table with settees, to have a chance to be closer and talk more easily.
Maybe even reach out a hand to your beautiful thighs, if he had any luck.
You had ordered and he had chosen a wine, you had continued talking, and you had asked him several questions, very politely, without making him feel like you were interviewing him.
“So you were in the army...and you can fly a helicopter. Heck, I never would have guessed that. I like a competent man,” you had cooed, and he had felt his neck and face on fire. God, he wanted you so badly he felt like he might explode at any moment.
“Yeah...apparently,” he had replied proudly.
“And how did you end up opening a cafe?”
He had become serious, feeling that he was about to open up about something very intimate “Well...I actually couldn't take that life anymore. It's very hard, you know. When I got discharged, I thought all I needed was to live a quiet life without slinging a rifle for hours and playing with danger 24/7.”
You had nodded, “sure, that's perfectly understandable. It must have been brutal.”
“It was. I decided to open a coffee shop because well... basically, I love coffee.”
You had burst out laughing, a full, lovely laugh that had made it difficult for him to keep his hands in place resting on the table.
“It makes perfect sense,” you had agreed immediately afterward.
You had kept talking until you had said, “So, Francisco Morales, I have a question for you.” your expression was enigmatic and he didn't understand where you were going with this.
“Go ahead.”
“Why haven't you kissed me yet?”
He had chuckled, “Good question. And I really want to do that. I've wanted to do it from the first moment I saw you,” he had admitted.
“Then do it,” you had urged him.
He had moved closer toward your lips, breathing in your perfume mixed with the scent of your skin; you smelled good, clean, like a sunny morning in spring.
Your lips were even better than he had imagined. Soft, delicious, inviting. You were incredible.
Everything around was suddenly gone, there was only you and the way your lips encouraged him to continue, the way they had parted at the approach of his tongue, your intoxicating taste on his tongue.
Your fingers lingered on his biceps, wandering over his shirt and down his forearm, while his hand wrapped around your face caressing your cheek.
He had pulled away from you a moment before putting on a show inside the restaurant, his hands tingling with the urge to touch your breasts, reach down between your legs, get rid off your dress and finally feel your body against his.
“God...maybe we should go,” you had whispered, hiding your face in the crook of his neck.
“I think so, too,” he had breathed.
He had stood up trying to keep at bay his erection pressing impatiently against his jeans.
He had paid the bill and escorted you out, despite your insistence to go halfsies.
Once you reached the car he had not resisted and had kissed you again, pushing you against the door. “I want you so bad,” he had whispered against your skin.
“Take me home,” you had replied, looking into his eyes in a way that drove him crazy.
Once in the car, you had placed your hand on his leg squeezing it from time to time. At a stoplight, you had moved your hand to his hard-on, massaging it slowly. “God, you are naughtier than I thought.”
"Is that bad?" you had asked feigned innocence.
“Not at all, baby...if I'm being honest...fuck...” he had interrupted when you had squeezed harder on his cock ”Christ, I can't wait to rip that dress off you.”
“I’m glad to hear that” you had replied in a honeyed voice.
_________________________________
The instant you had entered the door he had dragged you into the bedroom.
He had pulled down the zipper of your dress, letting it fall at your feet, and pushed you onto the bed.
“You're so beautiful.” he had whispered, almost more to himself, as if trying to convince himself that indeed everything he had imagined in previous weeks was coming out of the territory of his wanking material.
“You too,” you had replied sweetly, ”why don't you get rid of those clothes and come and get me?”
Frankie hadn't had it repeated, standing naked in front of you in an instant; he had never undressed so quickly even when he was in the army and had to observe a curfew.
He had stretched out beside you, his cock semi hard, his hands roaming over the bare skin of your hips over your panties, reaching up to graze your lace bra, brushing against your exposed neck as you lay limply sprawled on his bed as beautiful as a goddess.
“Tell me what you want me to do, baby,” he had whispered.
“What you want, I-” you had tried to answer but he had interrupted you.
“No, tell me, please. I would like to hear it. I would like you to tell me exactly what you would like me to do to you.,” he had urged you “is that okay?”
“Yeah” you murmured
“Are you sure?”
“Yes. I like it…so uhm…Undo my bra and play with my titties, first. Would you?” You cooed.
“Of course, honey” he replied
You got up to sit to ease it, and then you lay down again as he tossed the bra to one side.
Frankie's eyes were fixed on your exposed breasts, he reached out a hand surrounding one of them with his palm, marveling at the softness of your skin.
“Jesus, I’ve never seen anything more perfect”
Your skin exuded an enveloping warmth that flowed through his body and merged with him. He moved a finger closer to your areola, circling your nipple very slowly and then pinching it suddenly, making you gasp.
“Too much?”
“No…go on” you sobbed “please”
“How?” He pressed you gently, continuing to brush your nipple with his fingertip.
“With your mouth…” you murmured.
He was full hard at that point, his cock grazing at your thigh while he lowered himself on your of your tit, sticking out his tongue and making you arch your spine as soon as he kitten licked your nipple. He smirked “mmm so sensitive, baby” before wrapping his lips around your bud and beginning to suck slowly, his beard pinching lightly against your skin.
His tongue brushed over you in short thrusts as he sucked greedily, his hand slowly descended over your torso, over your tummy, down to your mound and had stopped there, just above the hem of your panties.
You groaned beneath him, melting at his touch, he could feel your body slowly becoming more pliant to him.
“Yes - oh my god - go on like that” you whined and he couldn’t help but smile on your skin.
“What more do you want me to do?” he had asked, and to your discomposed groaning he had replied ”with your words, remember?”
He liked that you were slowly losing control, your barely half-closed eyes glazed with pleasure silently pleading with him.
“Touch…touch my pussy. Please”
He had moved his fingers down from your mound, slowly, over your folds, feeling your body tense deliciously.
His index and middle fingers had slipped between them, bathing in your essence.
"God, you're soaked," and you had panted.
You looked like a dream to him, your hair disheveled on his sheets, your legs spread wide for him, your breath coming in short gasps, your little pendant that rose and fell on your chest as he worked in your cunt with his fingers, lingering on your opening, going up to your clit and barely touching it, leaving you eager and hungry, just as he wanted.
"mmm more, please" you had begged and a smirk had unfolded on his face "be more specific, baby"
“I want ... fuck ... I want you to put them in me.”
"Yeah? You want me to finger-fuck this pretty cunt?” He purred, while stroking your labia, gently circling your clit with his thumb.
“Yes” you had sighed and he had easily entered you, slipping into your arousal.
He had curled his fingers looking for your special spot as you squeezed them hard “Oh damn...right there...God Frankie...right there” you had whined as a swell of pride was spreading in his chest and his cock throbbed.
You had the sweetest pussy he had ever been lucky enough to see, the obscene wet sounds coming out of her as he never stopped moving his fingers inside you was heaven.
You were magnificent, just magnificent, his cock was begging for mercy but he had no intention of rushing it. He wanted to fill his eyes with you, he wanted to see you sink beneath him, to lose your inhibitions completely.
Every fiber of his body longed for you but he stifled his need to take care of yours first; it was too good to see you like that, your pussy clenching convulsively, your mouth half-open, your moans filling his ears.
“I need...your mouth...”
“Where?” he had asked feigning naivete.
"On my clit...please" you had cried.
He had moved, taking down your panties, lowering to reach for your clit, passing his tongue flatly all over it.
“suck it,” you had said in a whisper, ”please.”
And so he had done, taking it between his lips, savoring your taste on his tongue as you cried your last wail and broke down in shattering pleasure.
Your back had arched, your hand had flown through his hair as the other gripped his sheets tightly, and your hips pushed against his lips, your lips bent in a grimace of pleasure that radiated into your eyes, your pupils dilated, tiny droplets of sweat beading on your forehead.
“Yes… fuck… YES”
He had continued to lick and suck and push on your spot until you had calmed down.
But you were not yet satiated, as soon as you had regained the ability to speak you had whispered, “I want your cock.”
“Mmm baby” he had said arching an eyebrow, scrutinizing your face unmade with pleasure and your eyes still glazed with your orgasm.
“Really. I want it.”
You had accompanied this last sentence by wrapping your delicate hand around his length "he wants me too," you had said with a smirk, beginning to massage him, running a finger over the tip to collect the pre cum dripping down profusely from it.
“who am I to say no to you...do what you want, baby” he had granted you.
As much as he had tried to dominate, he had to admit that he was completely subdued by you, and he didn't mind it, he didn’t mind that at all.
You had gotten up and gently pushed him onto the mattress, settling between his legs, locking your gaze with his, a glint of desire in your eyes as you began to lick his engorged tip, sliding down his shaft humming in pleasure “mmm you taste so good” you cooed.
"God, baby, if you do this I'm not going to last long."
He had craned his neck not to miss any of your moves, but he already felt he was on the verge of bursting, had tried to control his breathing and stay right on the edge, without plummeting down.
"Hold on a little longer, I want you to finish in my pussy. Please, Frankie?” You had purred.
He had let out a long sigh as your mouth descended on his cock, enveloping it as much as you could, continuing to stroke the rest with your hand. You had red nail polish, just like in his fantasies, but the reality was even better. Your mouth was incredible around his cock, your tongue vexing his swollen veins, your saliva sliding slowly going to pool on his crotch.
“Please, baby,” he had grunted, and you had hummed in response, vibrating on his cock.
Your tongue had swirled over his red, swollen tip, then you had pulled away and said, "Please what?" glancing at him.
“Sit on me, please, I can’t…” he had groaned.
You had moved warily, straddling him, taking his cock back into your hand, aligning it with your entrance.
You had lowered yourself slowly, moaning "you are so thick" as he felt your cunt open up for him, your walls stretch and your essence coiling around him mixing with your saliva.
“And you are so tight ... fuck, baby, it’s so good.”
The instant you had sat completely on him had been unreal, he felt so deep inside you he swore he was pressing against your cervix, and you were squeezing him so hard he had thought he would lose his mind. You began to roll your hips over him, rubbing your clit with your fingers while your other hand was anchored on his hip.
He had begun to move his hips in rhythm with yours, thrusting inside you “harder” you had urged him “please, Frankie”
He was lost in the instant he had seen you bring one hand to your tit, kneading your breast as you continued to ride him faster and faster, pinching your nipple while rubbing your clit with the other.
“I’m coming…fuck..where, babe?” He had stammered and you cried “inside, please, I’m on the pill.” You had thrown your head back immediately after, your eyes closed, your mouth open, your disheveled hair falling over your neck, seeing you so totally ravished had made him explode inside you, painting your hot, soaked walls with his cum.
You were collapsed on top of him, wrapping yourself around his body while he was still pulsing inside you. You had waited for his breathing to return to normal by peppering his neck with little kisses, going up his jaw and ending on his lips.
He had hugged you tightly, reveling in your warmth, the softness of your breasts on his chest, your legs wrapped tightly with his, and the intoxicating scent of your skin.
You had hummed in the crook of his neck, then looked into his eyes and moved a lock of hair from his sweat-beaded forehead, kissing him one more time, his mustache tickling your cupid's bow.
“From the first time I saw you, I knew we would end up like this, you know?” you had said with a proud undertone.
“Oh yeah?” he had replied, wryly raising an eyebrow, ”how were you so sure?”
You had looked at him with the look of someone who knows very well what she is talking about and had replied, “For three reasons. First, I noticed right away how you were looking at me, second, I wanted it too and usually when I want something I get it, and third, you never charged me for the extra cream.”
bb tag list: @aurorawritestoescape @harriedandharassed @milla-frenchy @almostempty @thundermartini @cas-readsandwrites @lemon-nomel
I would like to add a couple of special people that I am starting to know a little bit better and I like them a lot: @arcanefox207 @joelmillerisapunk @gothcsz @msjarvis
archive: @pedrostories
#frankie morales x f!reader#frankie morales fanfiction#pedro pascal#frankie morales smut#frankie morales#pedro pascal characters fanfiction#pedro pascal characters fanfic#frankie catfish morales#francisco morales x reader#triple frontier fanfic#triple frontier au#pedro pascal character fiction#ppcu fandom#ppcu fanfiction
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Christmas Party
Steve Harrington x Reader
Ficmas Day 9
Summary: When your best friend Steve overhears you joking with Nancy it changes the course of your friendship forever.
Words: 1.2k
A/N: Happy last day of ficmas. I wanted to write 12 stories but that never happened. Honestly, though, I'm really happy with writing 9 becuase I never intended to do ficmas at all this year. Divider by @saradika-graphics
“Are we sure this is a good idea, what if someone calls the cops?” You ask, still not fully onboard with the idea of throwing a Christmas party.
“Don’t worry it’s just for our group of friends plus if the cops get called we’re fine. Remember Chief Hopper is Jonathan and Will’s stepdad and he’d never bust them for having a party,” Steve reassures you as he hands you another box of decorations.
Removing the lid from the box you grab out a couple strands of garland and begin to place them around the living room. Steve follows behind you stringing up lights as he goes.
“You’re sure we won’t get in trouble?”
“It’s just a casual Christmas party, not a rager I promise. Plus half the people coming are practically children. It’s just gonna be us hanging out and eating snacks for a few hours.”
You knew Steve put his old habits behind him years ago but you were always nervous he would revert to his old ways. That this party would snap him back to who he used to be and what would start as an innocent group hang out would spiral into the party of the century. The fears that if he went back to his old ways he would drop you and you would be without a best friend once more rattled around your brain. As his words finally sink in you let your shoulders relax.
“Plus, Dustin is bringing Suzie and I don’t want to scare her off. He seems to really like her so as surrogate mom I need to make a good impression,” Steve jokes and the last of your reservations disappear.
You continue to joke and talk as you finish putting up the last of the decorations. Every so often stopping to sneak a glance at your best friend wondering if there would ever be a chance for the two of you to be more.
The doorbell rings right at seven and you make your way to the entryway. You open the door for Nancy, Jonathan, and Robin ushering them in from the cold. Nancy pulls you into a quick hug as Jonathan offers a quiet hello.
“So where is the dingus?” Robin asks as she wiggles her eyebrows at you.
Pushing her shoulder lightly you respond, “He’s in the kitchen finishing up getting snacks ready.”
“I’ll go help him,” Robin announces before rushing off to the kitchen.
“I’m guessing this means you haven’t talked to him about how you feel yet,” Nancy says as she loops her arm with yours and pulls you into the living room leaving Jonathan to get the door for the kids.
You take a seat next to her on the couch. “I don’t wanna screw up what we have. He’s my best friend. Why risk losing him when I can just stay his friend forever and at least have him in my life.”
Nancy pats your arm giving you the same sad look her and Robin use everytime they bring up the topic and you and Steve being something more. You reach out and tap her nose breaking the awkward tension forming. Just then the kids, Jonathan, and Eddie file into the living room taking up all the available seats.
Glancing over your shoulder you look for any sign of Steve or Robin, wondering what is taking them so long. Turning your attention back to the room you smile at Eddie as he tries to mediate a fight between Lucas and Dustin about what Christmas movie everyone should watch.
Steve and Robin make their way toward the living room right as Nancy leans over, “Maybe some alone time with Eddie could help you forget about your feelings for Steve,” she jokes.
“I don’t doubt that, he could probably make me forget my own name,” you joke back, bumping your shoulder into hers and you both laugh.
Behind you Steve shoves the tray of snacks he’s holding into Robin’s hands and rushes back into the kitchen needing some time to think. Robin takes it in stride and sets it on the coffee table with a loud thud.
“I think I hurt my wrist carrying the tray. Do you think you can go help Steve with the rest?” Robin asks as she plops down on the couch between you and Nancy. Before you can even answer her and Nancy are already chatting away about something one of the kids said.
Pushing off the couch you make your way into the kitchen to find Steve with his palms pushed against the countertop. His head hangs and his eyes are screwed shut. The sight of him sends a pang of panic to your chest.
“What’s wrong?” you ask as you place a hand on his back.
“Do you actually wanna fuck Munson?” he bites out as he curls a hand into a fist.
Your hand drops to your side as quickly as your mouth falls open. You hadn’t realized that he heard your joke. If you knew he was standing there you never would have said anything.
You take a moment to assess the situation before settling on your response, “It was just a dumb joke between me and Nancy. Plus I never said that I wanted to fuck him, just that he would probably be good at it.”
“So you don’t wanna get under him?” His tone is gentler this time as he turns to look at you.
“No, never. It was just a joke.” You run a hand along his arm hoping to calm him down so you can head back to the party in the other room.
His hand reaches out and grabs your free hand holding you in place. “So do you still want to forget about your feelings for me?” His eyes search yours as if he’s trying to figure out what you are going to say.
“Only if you want me to,” you whisper, now realizing the space between you had lessened.
He drops your hand, stepping in to cup your cheek. “That’s the last thing I want baby” he mumbles before crashing his lips to yours. Your hands tangle in his hair as your lips move in sync. Taking a step back he presses you into the counter. The cool press against your back sends a shiver down your spine and you tug at his hair in an attempt to deepen the kiss.
He pulls back and you drop your hands to his shoulders. You both take a moment to catch your breaths. He shoots you a smile before hoisting you onto the counter. Your legs instinctively wrap around his waist and he wastes no time diving back in for another kiss.
This time when he pulls away it’s to trail a line of kisses down your neck. He works his way back up and gently nips at your earlobe causing you to let out a moan that you try to muffle with your hand. His lips press against your ear and he whispers, “The only one who is allowed to make you forget your name from now on is me.” You pull him back into another searing kiss completely forgetting about the party in the other room.
#stranger things imagine#steve harrington x reader#steve harrington imagine#stranger things#steve harrington#steve harrington x you#steve harrington x y/n#reader insert#x reader#reader#ficmas#lizzieboosficmas#ficmas day 9
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This this this
I grew up homeschooled in a family where my parents basically had us fend for ourselves, while also discouraging us from doing any sort of activity or maintain friendships, so the vast majority of my life was spent feeling cut off and inadequate compared to my peers
Shockingly, I ended up having severe depression, (as did my siblings) and developed extremely unhealthy coping mechanisms and habits as a young teenager, as well as other mental issues.
When I finally was able to start the process of getting help(which truly didn't start until the last few years, despite me being in therapy a decade) and started to do things outside of my usual habits, such as going to school and also getting a job(despite my parents trying to discourage me on my bad days), I was now an adult and felt like there was so much I missed out on, especially when looking at my friends experiences at the same ages.
It's so easy to dwell on those thoughts and revert back to old habits, and even harder to try and work through them(like pushing myself to get out of bed, or go to a function with friends). So many people I know who don't have depression just assume it's a little bit of laziness and sadness, and act like everything would be fixed if I just listened only to happy music and refused antidepressants because my generation is 'overmedicated'. And while we definitely are over medicated, without those medicines, so many people (myself included) wouldn't be here.
While my depression is better, and thankfully I've been pretty good with catching up on lost time academic wise, I still struggle with depression and the fallout from everything that has contributed to it. I hang out with friends but almost always end up feeling drained or depressed afterwards, even though I'm around people I care about and like, and I know they feel the same, there is always that voice in my head that one day they're going to change their minds and realize I'm not worth it or that maybe they don't actually like me.
Depression takes a huge toll on my body, I am always tired and overwhelmed, and when I am around friends and peers I feel like I'm an imposter just hoping no one catches on and questions the fact I try to mimic others behavior in hopes I blend in better (even if it's something I know to do, I suddenly feel awkward and panicked and act like I've never dealt with it before, thus watching others and trying to copy movements/actions, even if it's something I'm very knowledgeable about/good at)
I am drained because I feel I have to put on a front that everything is fine, and I feel bubbly and happy all the time, because otherwise people think I'm ungrateful/slighting them, or there out of pity(my sister is someone who thinks all of those reasons unless I'm all happy on the outside). Even though so many times, I was looking forward to doing something or spending time with someone, but for no reason I can think of, I get struck by depression when the time comes, but I still want to take part, because I worry I'll regret missing out, so I go and spend the time trying to act how people want me to, which is exhausting.
It's taken years to get used to these bad days, and I am working to let myself have a breather or just listening to what my body needs when it happens, (I've been better lately and I'm proud of that, but I still struggle occasionally). It's taken years to learn to stop comparing my life with what my younger cousin or old friend is doing/has done by my age, (or if they've done even more), slightly less to learn to ignore the timeframe society(and family) deems is 'normal', and since then, my quality of life has been better.
All this to say, depression has ruled my life and I deal with that everyday, and it is hard to ignore the sadness I feel for my young self and all she never got to do. But, I made it to 23 (something my 13yr old self never thought would happen), and even tho I didn't get to experience things on what is considered a 'normal' timeline for people my age, I have a whole lifetime of experiences to look forward to, and while my depression may be a part of those, it won't be for all of them.
You know what people don’t talk about often enough? Playing catch up in life after spending your teens or early 20s suicidally depressed. There’s so many more layers than just being able to say “I don’t want to die anymore.”
The difficulty in academia or a career after spending years thinking you wouldn’t be alive long enough for any of it to matter.
The exhaustion that comes from self awareness and self soothing, with the constant voice in your head saying “don’t go backwards.”
How lonely it is to watch the people your age starting families when you’re just barely learning what stable relationships are, and the sudden societal pressure of being “up against a clock” for these kinds of things.
The judgement from others if you change your image or interests this late in the game just because you finally figured out who you really are under the demons.
Be kind to those who are developing and blooming after years of not planning on being here long. We are living a life we absolutely didn’t think we’d have, and it’s hard enough without society reminding us there’s expectations of our age.
We didn’t get to be young; we were too busy fighting battles few know.
-
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"Cuff him!"
summary — the one in which franco steals more than your grapes
warnings — fem!reader, use of y/n, pinterest images, stolen grapes, and flirty franco!
note — i have the biggest crush on this man, he's so pretty and for what?! so naturally, i couldn't resist writing my first f1 smau about him. please lmk what you think and if you'd like a new year's mini series or a part 2. happy holidays xo
drew's masterlist !
...
liked by francolapinto, alexandrasaintmleux and others
yourusername has anyone seen my grapes?
alexandrasaintmleux amour, who has stolen your grapes? ⤷ yourusername a thief i fear but who needs a man at midnight when i have you! ⤷ alexandrasaintmleux my thoughts exactly ⤷ charles_leclerc 🤨
user1 who cares about the grapes, is that a new tattoo??
user2 more importantly, what's franco doing in the likes ⤷ user3 fr he got here before me ⤷ alexandrasaintmleux and me 🤨 ⤷ charles_leclerc what are you up to francolapinto?? liked by francolapinto
user2 sending franco thoughts and prayers ⤷ aussiegrit he'll need it ⤷ user2 ahahah he's fucked
user4 why is everyone talking about franco on the queen's post?? like happy new year everyone but this is mark webber's daughter we're talking about and you're all talking about a man?? liked by aussiegrit, alexandrasaintmleux, charles_leclerc, oscarpiastri, nicolepiastri, lilymhe, lewishamilton, landonorris, desireinglander, fernandoalo_oficial, scuderiaferrari, mclaren, and more
user5 not the whole grid being here-
user6 attention seeking bitch user6 blocked by francolapinto, aussiegrit, fernandoalo_oficial, lewishamilton and more
user7 all i'm asking is for a chance with yourusername liked by francolapinto
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liked by charles_leclerc, oscarpiastri and others
francolapinto these yours? yourusername
aussiegrit how can i dislike a post?
user1 oh he bold bold ⤷ aussiegrit no, none of this. i don't like this
user2 an f1 driver that can cook you dinner, bag him yourusername! ⤷ charles_leclerc what's that supposed to mean? ⤷ landonorris yeah, what do you mean by that user2? ⤷ user2 well uh you see.. ⤷ francolapinto stop ganging up on my fans
user3 grape thief, cuff him!! ⤷ yourusername kinky
yourusername so you're the one who's been stealing my grapes? ⤷ francolapinto indeed mi princesa, you want them back? ⤷ yourusername do you come attached? ⤷ francolapinto i can make certain arrangements
user4 i would've folded ⤷ alexandrasainmleux she did
#drew’s catty corner#f1#f1 x reader#f1 smau#f1 imagine#franco colapinto#franco colapinto x you#franco colapinto x reader#f1 fic#f1 grid x reader#franco colapinto imagine
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girlfriend?
spencer reid x fem!reader
the people have spoken (the 8 votes on my poll) so here!!!
no use of y/n
fluff and maybe kinda sorta comfort??
summary: reader wonders why exactly she's not spencer's girlfriend and he's more than happy to play along
warnings: reader is younger and has never had a boyfriend, mention of roommate, awkwardness??, new relationship, kissing, reader uses physical affection to distract spencer, "i'm fine" no you're not!!!, insecurities and simply spencer being a cutie
my very first time writing fanfiction and posting my writing!!! please give feedback
After a long day of daydreaming and a rather upsetting conversation with my roommate, I've come to realize that I'm technically not Spencer's girlfriend. I mean, he's never asked me to be. Of course he's sweet and we've kissed several times but he's never formally asked. I've never had a boyfriend so I just assumed that one or two dates ultimately meant together. Apparently that's not right. Maybe I'm overreacting and maybe I'm not cut out for this dating thing but why hasn't he asked? We can hardly go a day without seeing each other. Doesn't that mean something? Maybe I'm insane because that's highly likely, too.
Although anticipating it, I still jump when he knocks. The door opens and it's clear that he came straight from work, his messenger bag on his shoulder. Like every other day, we walk straight to my bedroom and he leaves his satchel on the same old cushioned chair.
Spencer places his hands in his pockets, his eyes floating over me dubiously.
"Are you alright?"
Well, that took all of three seconds.
"Why wouldn't I be?" I answer, fiddling with my pajama shorts' strings. There's no way I'm turning psycho-not-even-girlfriend on him because he hasn't defined our relationship. Because of the chance he doesn't want me to be his girlfriend, that's a conversation I'm not having.
His eyes narrow and he steps closer. "You're fidgeting, avoiding eye contact... not to mention that you've hardly spoken to me since I've got here which is just... not you at all. You always talk."
"Hey!" I frown.
I watch as his hands come up to hold my face and I begrudgingly look him in the eye only to find concern. "Did I do something?" he asks softly.
My head shakes in his hands. He drops them. "You didn't do anything wrong."
He notices the emphasis, following me when I go to sit on the edge of my bed. I'll never get over how out of place Spencer looks in my room.
His eyebrows raise as he looks down at me. I feel like I'm in trouble. "But I did something apparently."
"Nope," I hum simply, pulling him down by the tie to mush our lips together with little grace. The reciprocation was fleeting, his mouth briefly opening only to move away as fast as it came. "See? I'm fine," I grin unconvincingly.
"You're a terrible liar. Tell me what's wrong," he sighs, stuck between worried and annoyed.
He steps back, eliciting a whine from me. My eyes drop and I figure that I might as well dance around it since I'm a terrible liar. Picking at the loose string on my comforter, I murmur, "do you... um... you like me, right?"
Confusion draws his eyebrows together. "Of course I do. I wouldn't be here if I didn't. Honestly, I'd be crazy not to. What told you I didn't?"
"I'm not your girlfriend," I whisper pathetically, eyes never leaving my fidgeting fingers.
I can practically feel the realization hit him. A shaky breath that never quite becomes a nervous laugh leaves him before he responds gently, "I haven't asked you to be. Do you want to be my girlfriend?"
My head finally lifts, a slight frown on my lips as I nod.
"Will you be?"
My eyes go wide and I freeze. "What?"
He laughs softly, walking a few steps closer before crouching down to my level. "Will you be my girlfriend... please?" he asks politely, a tiny smile on his face.
I nod eagerly before I can do anything else. When words do come out, they're frantic like I can't get them out fast enough. "Yes! Yep! Mhm. Please."
This time, when I kiss him, he doesn't hesitate or pull away, he smiles, hands finding my face and brushing away any stray hairs. A thought occurs and I break the kiss, thumbs brushing his cheeks. "So... why didn't you ask before?" I ask almost absentmindedly.
He swallows and very gently mutters, "I didn't know if you'd want me to be your boyfriend."
I can feel my heart melting as I press a soft peck to his mouth. How did he not know? Isn't the way I'm constantly nervous obvious to him? I'm not exactly good at masking anything.
"Of course I did. I do. And now you are my boyfriend so how about that?" I smile and he does too.
"I'm glad," he laughs.
"Me too."
#spencer reid#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid fanfiction#spencer reid fluff#fanfic#criminal minds
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Insatiable Madness
Diverted-Dimension (Christmas 2024)
|Sagau Yandere Fatui Harbingers x Reader|
Why am I back here again!? Take me back to the canon!
Reader is Gender Neutral!
"Finally!" You cheered, stepping back to admire the Christmas tree in the corner of your living room.
"It looks good." Pantalone commented, looking at all the trinkets placed on the tree. "Although, I believe this gadget would look better placed there... And this bauble, yes, hmm, perhaps on the branch above rather than--"
Y'know, it always takes one person to ruin everyone else's happiness doesn't it? Especially when their name is Pantalone. You rolled your eyes, ignoring his fiddling with what you considered a complete and beautiful tree.
Let's just hope Columbina doesn't see him fiddling with her decorations. For Pantalone's sake, you pray she takes five extra minutes in the bathroom so he can have a safe getaway when he's finished with something he sees as necessary.
Anyway, you've been preparing for Christmas day tomorrow. You wanted to put up the tree earlier, not wanting to leave it this late, however being busy babysitting and making sure all the Harbingers go to work with a happy mood sure takes up a lot of time. Not only does it feel like you're playing a very dangerous version of the Sims, but more importantly, it sucks that when all of them leave you have to entertain the others that don't go to work in the first place.
"It feels like the tree is missing something." Dottore chimed in, standing back with a finger on his bottom lip.
"Please don't say that, The Regrator is already driving himself mad with his own activities." Arlecchino stated
Ignoring those two... They're right, something seems wrong with the tree. But you used everything in the box, what could be missing --
Oh, of course! How could you forget!?
"It's missing an angel on top!" You pointed out, walking over to the Christmas box and rummaging around.
After a while of digging and loud crashing noises consisting of you throwing out whatever you thought could also be added, you found a dusty china angel missing a hand.
"Agh, this won't do." You scolded yourself. "We'll have to go with a star instead. I'll have to cut one out later."
"Cut one out? How are you going to cut a star out of the sky?" Childe asked with a bewildered expression.
"They mean they'll cut one out of paper you damn idiot." Scaramouche glared out of the corner of his eye.
"I often see the Children of the Hearth doing something similar when I pass by..." Signora thought to herself out loud, leaning on one of the arms of the sofa.
"Yes, the children love cutting out different shapes and animals. It just so happens stars are one of the easiest things to make." Arlecchino nodded in agreement.
If it's so damn easy, why don't you do it for me?? You grumbled with an angry grin. It took you a few days to learn how to cut a good looking star out of paper due to your clutzy fingers, how dare they call it 'easy' in front of you!
"Hm? Why do you look angry at me?"
"No reason." You answered her, sharply turning your head away from her tilted one. "Do I even have any paper left? Ugh, I might have to use lined paper and paint it using gold nail varnish if push comes to shove."
"Absolutely not." Sandrone interrupted you. "That sounds messy and unnecessarily more difficult than if you just bought yellow card."
"And where do you propose I get this yellow card? Out of my arse?"
"No." She looked repulsed. "The shop? I saw some in an isle."
"When and why did you go into the corner shop?" You caressed your head, sighing when hearing her solution.
"That's unimportant."
"Sure it is. Anyway, I need to start thinking about how I'm going to cook Christmas dinner--"
"Oh no you don't." Scaramouche interrupted you with a cold voice. "The last time you cooked a genuine meal that didn't include those 'instant noodles', you poisoned everyone who has an organic stomach."
"No way, the Balladeer cares enough about me to not want to see me bedridden again?" Childe gushed with a chuffed smile.
"That's not important!" You raised your voice with flushed cheeks. "How did you know that what I cooked was 'instant' noodles? I never told you that!"
"I asked a staff member in the shop down the street when I saw the exact same package for sale in one of the pasta isles."
"Oh my god, how many of you have been in that damn shop without me!?"
The room stayed silent, some looking away with a cringe whilst others looked at you with unbothered faces.
“Do I count? I’ve never left the house.” Capitano raised his hand innocently.
"Unbelievable." You cried to yourself dramatically.
"I can't believe he's still fiddling." Pulcinella sighed with judging eyes, watching the banker radically move around the tree mumbling to himself like a robot given an impossible task.
"So this is what happens when you don't give him something to do after a long period of time. Lesson learnt." Pierro sweated, coughing into a clenched fist with shut eyes.
"It's not my fault." He turned to the group with hysterical eyes, every so often one twitching. Considering his eyes are always closed, you’re impressed that his mania has managed to do the impossible. "The Decider won't let me do one of the things I'm best at, manipulating an economy. Denying me access to undermining this country's government is making me go mad!"
"What a lunatic." You ignored him, eyeing his antics as nothing more than a regular occurrence at this point.
"So, we're up for cutting a star for the tree then?" You turned back to the group.
"It's your decision and your tree, so of course." Signora shrugged.
"I'm baaaack!~" Columbina burst through the door like a canary, singing with a pep in her step.
She stopped when she saw Pantalone running around the tree, her energy from earlier vanishing as fast as a bird when hearing a gunshot.
"Erm... It's not what it looks like." He turned around slowly, feeling her menacing and dangerous energy piercing his back.
He put his hands in the air, his smile shaking in fear.
"It better not be what it looks like." Her smile contrasted his own. "Because it seems you've been touching something I specifically warned all not to touch.~"
"He's dead, he's actually dead." Childe commented on the sidelines.
"Amen."
... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...
Sandrone left to go get yellow card whilst Columbina forced you to tear down the Christmas tree and start decorating it from scratch. She said it was a punishment for you also, due to letting him rearrange it despite hearing her warning. What bullshit, she just couldn't be bothered to do it again. Anyway, Capitano helped you hold the christmas tree up so you could wrap the tinsel around it without trouble. What a nice guy… even though he technically isn’t helping you with what counts most.
"I don't understand why we're cutting out stars. Can't we just use me as the angel?" Columbina giggled to herself.
"No, that would be weird." You frowned at her. "What I don't understand is why everyone is cutting stars with me. Didn't the majority of you say this is going to be boring? Do something else!"
"The 'something else' you're talking about was also boring." Scaramouche picked up his pair of scissors, tracing his finger on the sharp side.
“I’d much rather cut something up than count how many particles are in a cloud.”
“What does that even mean!?”
“Anyway,” Dottore coughed with an irritated stretching smile. “I propose we make this a competition.”
“Of all the childish suggestions–” Arlecchino was cut off.
“I agree, I agree!” Columbina nodded with a happy smile. “It can’t be too hard, maybe we should have a reward for who wins the competition?”
“Although I find the idea of a competition to be senseless, a reward does sound quite… boosting.” Pantalone thought out loud, a greedy smile on his lips.
“This is not happening.” You sighed to yourself, head planted onto the table with exasperation radiating off of your slumped form.
“But what reward could we put on offer? I’m not against competition, heck, I encourage it! But what could we all fight for which would allow us to fight at our strongest the whole time?” Childe leaned against his chair.
The Harbingers thought to themselves, the room erupting in silence with the occasional cough or sniff. All of a sudden, their heads turned and looked at you. Feeling their gazes burning into you, you looked up from the table to see them expectantly eyeing you.
“Ohhh no. No way in whatever thoughts you’re all sharing am I getting involved in this. I’m not becoming some trophy you can flaunt for the rest of the evening.” You denied them.
“But you’re the perfect solution!” Childe playfully pouted.
“Quit torturing them, Childe.” Signora scolded the young ginger. “I propose this; let whoever wins ask The Decider one question. That question can be related to anything, the future or the past.”
“Hmm, but how would we know whether The Decider wouldn’t lie to us?” Dottore suggested.
“I’m staying out of this one.” Pulcinella put his hands in the air, leaving the room. “You youngsters go have fun, I’ll sit this one out.”
“Rooster, I would suggest staying to supervi–”
“So you can go back to that dirty office you keep closing yourself in to work? No thank you, I shall handle your paperwork today. You supervise this time.” He gave the director a harsh glare, making sure to purposefully hit him with his walking stick before walking away.
“Sometimes I can’t tell whether the Rooster is secretly a teenage girl or is just simply strange…” Pierro muttered to himself. Sighing.
“How about both, mixed in with the fact that he’s a psycho with more control issues than you think.”
“Hm? You think even more than the Regrator?”
“Deffo.” You clicked your tongue. “He just hides it because he’s a champ like that.”
“Don’t change focus!” Scaramouche raised his voice. “I order you to answer me. You will tell the truth to the victor of the contest, no?”
“Hold on, didn’t we agree to ask our own questions once we deliver them to the Tsaritsa?” Childe questioned.
“That was just to get you to not hound The Decider back when we first found them.”
“Fine.” You agreed with an eye roll, secretly crossing your fingers behind your back like a five year old. You’ll probably just make something up that sounds accurate when the winner asks their question. You’re betting that Sandrone will win this though, this kind of has something to do with her job after all.
“It’s decided then!” Columbina clapped in delight. “The Decider and The Director will be our judges. We’ll work for 10 minutes to create a star suitable to be put on the tree, then will be judged to see who has the best!”
“This is not gonna go well…” You said, trying your best to cover the shaky smile on your face. This is the best! You’ll just pick someone who won’t ask a question you don’t mind answering! Thank you Columbina for giving you this chance.
“You’re telling me!” Pulcinella shouted from the other room, sarcasm oozing like tar glooping down a slope.
“Count us down, count us down!” Columbina couldn’t contain her excitement, her body practically vibrating.
“Alright, alright… Ugh, I regret this… On your marks, get set, cut!”
“Seriously? ‘Cut’?” Pierro turned to you.
“What was I supposed to say!?”
The Harbingers sat at the table immediately started cutting, the sound of card shredding and small pieces emitting everywhere. Guess who’s going to have to clean that up? You thought with a frown, watching card pile up in the small crevasses in your carpet.
Looking around at the Harbinger’s cutting paper, you realise one was just sitting there watching the others work.
“Uhh, Capitano? Aren’t you going to begin?” You asked him.
“No.” His deep voice answered in return. “I am not going to join this display, no matter how entertaining it will be for you. Firstly, my fingers won’t fit in the holes of the scissors. And secondly, I have no question to ask you so entering just for victory would be pointless.”
“Brother, your fingers can’t be that big.” You deadpanned, letting your mind wander a bit too far with the thought.
He simply crossed his arms and continued to watch the others, ignoring you from then on. Oh well, he’s not interfering or arguing back like a child so you’ll let it happen. Besides, it looks like he quite likes watching so it’s the least you could do.
Pierro put an arm on your shoulder, getting your attention. You turned to make eye-contact and saw him hesitating in what to say to you.
“Do you need a defibrillator? You look like you’re having a seizure.”
“Who do you think is going to make the best star?” He said after, not registering your insult you said a few seconds prior.
“Wow. Did it really take you that long to think of what to say to me?”
“Quiet.” He warned you.
“Hmm… Who do I think is going to win?” You mumbled out loud, pretending to give it some thought. “Screw it, I’m not going to pretend. Sandrone’s going to make the best one because she does this kind of thing as a job.”
“Hah!” She guffawed after hearing your predictions, continuing her cutting with a content smile.
“Buuuut, that’s not what makes a star special. It isn’t just perfection, but passion and hope. I want to see how unique some people will make it… within reason of course.”
“I wasn’t expecting such an intelligent reply.” Pierro sweated. “Here I was, ready to scold you.”
“It’s like that’s all you can ever bloody think about when it comes to me.” You deadpanned.
“You give me no choice half of the time.” He sighed with a shaking head. “Your choices are often questionable and must be corrected. Would you rather have a physical punishment instead?”
Is this guy nuts?
“No… No, I would not.”
“That's what I thought.” He turned to look at the competition.
“Decider, help me out here.” Scaramouche clicked his fingers, beckoning you like an old woman would to her juvenile cat.
“Do I look like your pet?” You recoiled in disgust.
“I’ll let you leave the house to go to that dumb park you like if you help me right now.”
“I’m on my way!” You ran over to his side, peering down to see the mess of a star he’s created. It’s not bad at all, it’s actually your style - you like it a lot! What on earth could he need help for?
When you peered down to his design, you felt a cold unnatural hand grasp the side of your head and pull it closer to his face.
“Tell me how you like them.” He whispered. “Would you rather me add more detail or remove it? And don’t lie to me or I’ll kill you.”
“Pierro, The Balladeer is cheating! He’s bribing The Decider!” Sandrone pushed her chair back and stood up dramatically, pointing her scissors at the offender.
“Hey, no fair!” Childe whined. “If he gets to bribe them, let me bribe them too!”
“If anyone is to bribe the Decider, it should be me. I am the richest man in Teyvat after all.” Pantalone shrugged whilst lazily cutting.
“Correction: Ningguang is the richest in terms of all. You only count as the richest when it comes to being a man.” You pointed out. “And besides, I would never take your dirty money.”
Piero coughed loudly to quieten everyone down, all in the room turning to him like a deer in headlights. He waited until everyone stopped complaining and then spoke.
“Do continue with your cutting, you have less than a minute left.” He gestured to the timer. “And no bribery. The first to test my patience and even attempt to do so will be put under experimentation during the rest of our stay here and our return.”
“Oh, by all means, bribe away!” Dottore laughed at the Harbinger’s around him, silently cutting.
Huh? Less than a minute left? But when you last looked at the time they had at least 8 minutes left. You checked the timer once more, and found fat greasy fingerprints on buttons that weren’t there prior. You turned to the old man with an incredulous face, mouth wide open. He caught your staring, and put a finger on his lips with a small almost unnoticeable smile.
Pierro, you cheeky bastard. I love you for this.
... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...
The stars were laid out on the dining table, each Harbinger stood behind their own creations. Sadly but also un-sadly, some Harbingers were too slow and couldn’t finish their star in time. By some, you mean Pantalone and surprisingly Sandrone.
“I’m not going to hear the end of this.” Sandrone had her face buried in her hands, looking at her creation with malice. “In defence, I value time to craft perfection. Announcing a set time dampens my methods and results in mechanics such as this one. Ugh, what a waste!” She threw the craft off of the table, the star unravelling itself immediately.
“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course.” You sarcastically waved at her embarrassment. “And you, Pantalone? What’s your excuse?”
“The scissors you gave me were tampered with! I call for–”
“So I’m the problem? Okay, whatever…”
You walked down the table, looking at each star neutrally then nodding and moving onto the next. Now, you’re not an expert, but did they really think you wouldn’t notice? They all look the exact same! They all look like copied versions of Scaramouche’s design! When watching him try to bribe you, they must have thought you liked his design the best and copied him to have a fair chance. Well, they’re wrong! You’re just going to pick the person who will give you the least trouble when answering their question, jokes on them!
…That was your original plan. After looking at all the stars, you felt a new motivation when noticing one person didn’t copy and stuck to their own principles. Also they may or may not be the only person to not take this seriously and you want to mess with the others a little bit. Pierro will agree with you, he’s the type to disregard any copycats so he won’t have trouble with your choice at all.
“Okay, I’ve decided on my winner.” You announced, stepping back to view the expectant Harbingers.
“Arlecchino, you win.”
“WHAT!?”
“But why?” She asked, not looking surprised or pleased. “I could care less about an answer to a question, nor do I care about winning this childish competition.”
“That’s actually why I picked you. And because your star is an original design - sorry Scara, but uhh, you might have won if the others didn’t copy.”
“Of course.” He grumbled, glaring at the Harbingers staring at him. “One day, I’m going to murder all of you fools and sell your parts to people far worse than Dottore! I’ll get back at all of you for ruining my chances!”
“Anyway,” You tuned his violent voice out. “Yeah, you’re the winner. Pierro, what do you think?”
“...I agree.” He said in a quieter tone. “Now, I will be returning to my office to continue what’s left of my work… and review what The Rooster has already completed.”
As he was walking away, you turned back to notice the majority of Harbingers had walked away to go back to what they were doing prior, bored after realising they wouldn't be able to profit with staying around for longer.
“Do I get to ask my question now?” Arlecchino tapped her elbow impatiently with folded arms.
“So you do want the reward?”
“Despite it not being my intention when joining, I would indeed like something that was promised. Whether it be an accident or a purposeful decision.”
“Okay, fine. Ask away then.” You shrugged.
“As you must already be aware, the majority of my Children from the Hearth hail from Fontaine, the nation of justice. I won’t lie to you, I’m beginning to grow increasingly concerned with the prophecy where–”
“--where the whole nation will be flooded and all the people will be killed except the archon? Yeah, I know of it. Your point?” You finished her explanation, already having an idea of where the conversation was heading.
“Then you will understand I care deeply about the future of my children. Tell me, will I succeed in convincing the Tsaritsa to visit Fontaine to retrieve the Gnosis in place of Rosalyne?”
“Of course you’d use the question to ask about your ‘precious children’.” Scaramouche mocked. “Just how idiotic can you be?? This is your chance to ask about the future!”
You gave a harsh glare with icy eyes in his direction before sighing, a smile on your face. “Yeah.”
“Hm? You have to give a higher detailed response to that.”
“You go to Fontaine, Childe coincidentally also there for his own personal motivations which may or may not be important. The whole time you’re there, you’re investigating Furina and the prophecy. Long story short, that I WILL NOT be elaborating, the prophecy is sorted and the people are saved. This includes the children in the House of the Hearth.” You explained, pleased with the question she asked you and your own personal answer. Wow, you can even impress yourself sometimes!
“Excellent.” She sighed in relief, her face unchanging. “Thank you. But I do have to ask, is the Hydro Archon really working to prevent the flood?”
“That’s two questions. But fine,” You shrugged. “You can trust her. Everything is proceeding to the plan, although interrogation and suspicion do indeed accelerate it to completion.” You thought out loud, noticing her questioning gaze and smiling deeper.
“That’s enough serious stuff. When are we going to discuss presents? Now that the tree is up we need to put the presents under it!”
“Uh… We’re flat-out poor. We can’t afford presents.” Childe shrugged. “Guess you’ll have to accept my love as a present instead!”
“Ew, what are you, five? Wait… Don’t come over here! Not after saying something like that!” You panicked, watching him run over to you at full speed and choosing to run away.
“Scaramouche you know how you said you’d take me to the park? I’m cashing in that favour right now!”
#InsatiableMadness#sagau#genshin impact#yandere genshin impact#fatui harbingers#yandere harbingers#genshin#pierro#capitano#il dottore#columbina#arlecchino#pulcinella#scaramouche#sandrone#la signora#pantalone#tartaglia#childe#fatui#genshin fatui#InsatiableMadnessEvent
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I specifically want to elaborate on this part:
Decontextualizing and rephrasing an interview: I am not going to pretend that I am an expert in academic best practices, but I do believe one thing, if a person is speaking on their own identity and lived experience, it is always much better to directly quote than it is to rephrase. As I read this source, I initially didn't know that it was AI, and I was already upset. An interview that is widely available on the internet with no pay wall, was poorly sourced and made more vague than it was in the initial text. By creating one degree of seperation between the original words of A WRITER (whose literal job was largely based in choosing the right words to describe experiences they had) harm is already done. It makes vague what was once clear, and removes Keri Hulme's voice from her own narrative.
As someone who has spent a LOT of time and effort on the nitty-gritty of quoting others in professional documents, I feel like I have a pretty good foundation on which to speak about this.
As a general rule, you want to directly quote the speaker as much as possible.
First and foremost, this is because you don't want to put words in their mouth or misrepresent what they said, as that's dishonest on your part as the interviewer/writer/etc, and harms your credibility. Remember the "Coolsville sucks" meme? Yeah, don't be that person. Quotes should be full and verbatim as much as possible, because anything else presents the possibility that you aren't accurately or fully representing what the speaker said.
The second reason is because when you re-word someone else's quote, you inherently inject your own biases into the new version you create. What that means is, consciously or unconsciously, you are influencing the way readers perceive what was said. This is bad because at best, you're speaking over the person who's quote you re-worded. At worst, you're manipulating your readers to think as you do, regardless of what the original quote said.
When presenting a quote from someone else, your job is to communicate as clearly as possible the speaker's original statement and intention. If giving the direct quote is not possible, careful paraphrasing is vital.
If I say "Sara James then went on to express her dissatisfaction with the pay she received", what would you assume the original quote is?
It could be "Yeah, I found out I was only getting paid ⅓ as much as my costar, even though I have 40% more screen time and I did almost all of my own stunts, so needless to say I'm not happy and I've been talking to my team."
But it could ALSO be "I was surprised when I found out what we were all getting paid. Not to sound like a total nepo baby or anything, but normally the projects I do pay more, y'know? But then I found out that the reason pay was lower for everyone - not just me - was because production was donating a whole bunch of money to the local children's hospital since we filmed in the lot next door. Which I thought was really cool of them! Like, obviously the hospital doesn't get much say in the filming, so I thought it was really cool of production to give back as, like, a thank you. Plus we got to go visit the kids, which was just amazing!"
TECHNICALLY in both of these, you could argue that displeasure about pay IS mentioned - but the specifics of the situation are entirely lost in the oversimplified paraphrasing, and THAT is why changing direct quotes can be dangerous.
So, yeah. I just wanted to elaborate on that particular point because it's one I covered *heavily* while in college. How you quote someone is important.
":')))))))) you realise that gen AI is available to everyone though right??? Queer creators can use it just as much as anyone else??? I just don't understand this post... It really feels like a cheap way to get on the 'AI Bad's bandwagon, and coming from such a thoughtful and insightful creator that's incredibly disappointing... It's okay to not comment on subjects you're not an expert in y'know...?"
Y'all know the drill, I am replying to this publicly but that is not an invitation to send any negative messages to the person I am replying to.
Anyways, let me start by saying that the original context of the post you're replying to is discussing an event where a queer org used generative AI to steal an interview with Keri Hulme. So let's start there. To be clear I don't even know if the original interviewer was queer so let's put the identities of stealer and stolen from to the side. I want to explain the harm done in this example specifically and I hope this is illustrative of what harm generative AI can (and does) do.
The original place I saw generative AI was a queer org that explicitly says they are using generative AI "for good", and as a way to bring more queer history to light. So let's take them at their word, and assume they are not out to cause harm. This is the best example of generative AI that I can imagine, so I hope that makes it clear that I am not coming at this issue from bad faith in any way.
Here is the harm they are causing:
Decontextualizing and rephrasing an interview: I am not going to pretend that I am an expert in academic best practices, but I do believe one thing, if a person is speaking on their own identity and lived experience, it is always much better to directly quote than it is to rephrase. As I read this source, I initially didn't know that it was AI, and I was already upset. An interview that is widely available on the internet with no pay wall, was poorly sourced and made more vague than it was in the initial text. By creating one degree of seperation between the original words of A WRITER (whose literal job was largely based in choosing the right words to describe experiences they had) harm is already done. It makes vague what was once clear, and removes Keri Hulme's voice from her own narrative.
The original interviewer is not paid, or given proper recognition: I get it, sometimes just copy pasting an interview doesn't feel transformative enough, but something that one would learn if they worked in the queer history field and weren't a literal robot rehashing what has already been said, is that not everything needs to be transformed. In those cases, we give credit to the person who said the original words (in this case Keri Hulme), and the interviewer who facillitated the conversation (in this case Shelley Bridgeman). This case (again a best case scenario), takes the attention and byline away from the original interviewer and gives it to an AI.
The original publisher of this story is deinsentivised from paying interviewers in the future: The original publisher of this interview has ads on their website. As a person who also has ads on their website, taking an article like this and rephrasing it for no good reason (the orginal word count was not prohibitive and the rephrasing did not make it more readable), takes money from the publisher. It's pennies, but it's also removing numbers could have been used to justify further interviews with asexual people and archiving of asexual stories. The org that stole from this publication does not interview people themselves so the money and numbers that could have gone to continue to preserve asexual stories goes to stealing them instead.
These are just the active harms that I saw in this specific case. As you said, I am not an expert in generative AI, and will not be speaking as if I am. But I will say that asking me not to speak out on active harm that is being caused in queer history spaces, is disrespectful to my many years in this field.
To illustrate this even clearer: if you were a patron, you would know I recently took down an old article. I have been rereading and editing our backlist of articles, and I found one that no longer fit my standards of sourcing. My standards had recently raised due to a video made by HBomberguy about someone in the queer history space who was stealing from other creators. I watched this video not as a work project, but because I watch most of HBomberguys videos, and this one made me think more critically about sourcing. An AI can't do that. All an AI has is what has been inputted, and it is right now impossible to input every available peice of information about ethics into an AI and get a coherent ethical basis on which it will function.
It is a distinctly human trait to absorb information and change in that way. AI can rephrase information that already exists, steal it, recontextualize it even, but it cannot create something altogether new.
Do I believe that there one day might be an ethical use for Generative AI? Maybe. Do I believe that coming into a queer history space, stealing the words of a Maori asexual author, rephrasing them, and giving the original interviewer and publication no form of compensation for their work, is accomplishing that? No.
On a more personal note: I am coming at this issue with a bias. As a queer history creator, I do not want AI in my space, because it is literally damaging to my financial prospects. It has been like pulling teeth to try and get patrons in the current state of the global economy. I don't blame anyone from that, but I feel very disrespected that I am being asked to compete with a machine now. Not only that, but I am being asked to shut up and be fine with it? No, absolutely not. I cannot and will not stay quiet as space that I have fought tooth and nail to create in mainstream discussions is taken and given to AI.
AI was not supporting me when I was sent gore to try and scare me off of discussing queer history. A person did that. AI was not there to tell me I had written too many sad stories, and I needed some happy endings to remind myself of the good in the world. A person did that. AI was not there when I was being harrassed for supporting and including asexual stories on my website. A person did that.
And after all that, I am being asked to lie down and take it when my ability to pay the people who supported me in those ways, is being threatened. Nope. Not going to happen.
An AI doesn't have to make rent. An AI doesn't understand what it feels like to have to stop holding their wife's hand in public. An AI didn't get calls from people needing comfort in reaction to the election. Pay me for my work, and get this AI nonsense out of my face.
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chasing sleep (roman godfrey x reader)
WARNINGS: 18+, piv sex, morning sex, attempting-to-stay-quiet sex, Roman loves tits (oops), reader on top, dub-con elements, needle-gate is back lol, dark!Roman returns, fluff, angst, and reader is fucking brainwashed cause girl stand up for yourself wdym
summary: everything seems to be going perfect for you-- you've got the guy, after all. however, you're still haunted by the life you gave away to be with him, and specifically, the girl you left behind. will Roman ever fully trust that you won't leave him?
word count: 11,308 (merry christmas tihi)
PART 1, PART 2, PART 3, PART 4, PART 5, PART 6, PART 7, PART 8, PART 9, PART 10, PART 11
a/n: celebrating 700 followers AND christmas with this monster of a chapter!! I love all of you, thank you once again for your amazing support, I LOVE YOU!! this fanfic is nearing the end now, so... hold on tight for what's about to come;) ENJOY, MWAH<3
"You didn't say goodbye, and now a part of me believes that means you're coming back,"
Over and over again, those words echoed in my ears. I had read it in a passage somewhere, probably in the new romance novel I had picked up a few days ago, and now it truly haunted me. Latched onto my guilt, my love, my very being-- I wasn't sure whether I was capable of letting it all go, despite how happy Roman made me.
Was that maybe why I ended up right here, right now?
"Do you think it could work again?" Letha echoed, turning to me. Her legs were dangling off my roof as we sat by the edge. A soft breeze moved her long, blonde hair away from her shoulders, and just like that, I was reminded of how truly beautiful she was. It must be a genetic thing for all the Godfreys to be breathtaking. However, the look in Letha's green eyes told me something was wrong, but I couldn't put my finger on it. It was almost as though I was looking back at her with a grey-ish filter, like my vision was making it seem like we were sitting in a cloud of fog. None of this looked real.
"What could?" I asked, turning to check my surroundings-- yeah, this was definitely my roof. Why were we here?
"Us," Letha's gaze awaited me as I faced her again, and it was heartbreakingly sad. "You and I. Our friendship."
It felt like I had dipped the tips of my fingers in cold water. "Letha... Come on," I reached for her hand, placing mine above hers with a sigh; "This ended a long time ago. I don't think we can salvage this--"
"But what if we could?" Letha's voice was so painfully sweet, so insistent. "Do you think it could work again?"
"What could?"
"Us," she breathed, turning her hand to intertwine our fingers with an unusually hard grip. It didn't feel so sweet anymore. "You and I. Our friendship."
The red lights in my mind went off like police sirens-- something was off. With my next glance at her hair, it was no longer that same warm shade of blonde. Now, I could argue it was actively turning white before my eyes.
This wasn't real. "Letha?"
"Yes?"
"... Am I dreaming?"
Letha's eyes softened as the green in them dulled down, bordering a bleak color of grey. "Yes," she said. "I'm looping it until you're honest."
"What do you mean?--"
"You'll wake up when you tell me the truth. If you want to help your subconscious let go of the guilt, you should do it,"
My heart was actively breaking. Looking into Letha's blank eyes, I realized it reminded me of the look she had on her face when I first told her about Roman and me. "Ask, then,"
I could see her emotions clutching her soul like an unforgiving fist despite this only being a dream. My head didn't have any problems conjuring the image of her as a kicked, wounded puppy. She spoke; "Do you think it could work again?"
I indulged with a soft sigh; "What could, Letha?"
"Us," she said, allowing tears to well in her eyes. "You and I. Our friendship."
I felt it truly, brutally, that I didn't know what to say. I didn't know if it would break me to be honest. "I can't leave Roman for you," I breathed. "I won't. So I doubt you and I could be friends again as long as I'm still with him."
Letha nodded, turning away to look up at the full moon above us. The hand she had in mine was starting to turn cold. "Do you think it could work again?"
Oh, she was asking again-- was my answer maybe not the truth? Not the right answer? Did my sleeping subconscious know? "What could?" I echoed, growing tired of the loop we were caught in.
"Us," Letha closed her eyes as her chest raised and fell with her shallow breaths. "You and I. Our friendship."
I decided to give it less thought-- that was the key, sometimes. Roman had taught me that. Could it? Could it truly? "Honestly?"
"Honestly,"
It didn't take long before I realized tears were threatening to spill from my eyes too. I had missed the smell of Letha's sweet perfume. It smelled like home and a comforting hug hello. "Yeah. I think it could work," It was weird to hear me say it out loud; "I was always in love with Roman, but you... You taught me how to love in the first place. If we could both forgive each other, I think we'd have a chance. Yet... I don't think I ever can. Fully."
Letha didn't open her eyes, barely moved an inch. She opted for a short, melancholic nod as her lower lip gave in to a tremble. "I'm afraid I'll miss you forever," she whispered, mostly to herself.
And suddenly, I couldn't feel the weight of her hand in mine. My gaze darted down to what was previously our union, only to find that she wasn't there anymore. I looked up to find a slow line of evaporating smoke, similar to a trail coming from Roman's cinnamon cigarettes.
With my next heave of air accompanied by a lonely tear rolling down my cheek, I allowed my hand to reach out to touch the fog. It was thick, and it prickled the tips of my fingers to the likes of a cactus-- my sorrow clouded my instincts, and I didn't retract my hand. I hadn't allowed myself to feel any of this, after all. I had been so wrapped up in Roman, so wrapped up in the new feelings that washed over my body, that I had buried all the old ones.
However, Letha kept her promise-- I was released.
Released from the loop, but with one foot remaining in the quicksand of guilt.
And as I awoke, it felt like I had been thrown into a cold pond. With a quick breath, I arched off the bed, gasping; "Roman!"
Frantic beyond words, I heaved for air, blinking rapidly to wake myself up. The morning sun shone through Roman's curtains with soft rays, and I was hit with the smell of a burnt candle. Still hyperventilating, I put a hand on my chest as I tried to turn around, but to no avail.
Why couldn't I move? Was I maybe still stuck in the dream?
Oh, wait-- It was at this moment that I realized I had a heavy arm around me, keeping me still with my back pressed up against human warmth.
I let out a shaky breath, a relieved smile spreading across my lips-- Roman.
My panic gradually subsided, washing away with calm waves as I turned my head to look at him. The sun did him good. Roman's hair was a very specific shade of brown, but in the sun, it had twinges of orange and golden hues. If I were to ever bring it up to him, I know he'd protest and say he was nowhere near ginger. He wasn't, and I was aware of that; as usual, he wouldn't get the point.
After some careful maneuvering, I managed to turn in Roman's heavy embrace, facing him. His plush lips were gently parted, and his long, brown lashes weighed over his eyes-- he also had a rather hefty case of bedhead which I couldn't help but find beyond endearing. Up close like this, completely still, I could see the nearly invisible freckles painting the apples of his cheeks, study the curve of his upper lip, and the scar-like indent on his right cheek. I dared to trace my thumb over it, feeling the softness of Roman's skin against the pad of my finger-- this was beauty unmatched.
He was so beautiful.
And he was mine.
With the gentlest of pressures, I leaned forward, barely brushing my lips across Roman's. I didn't dare to fully kiss him. I wouldn't dare to wake him up. If only we could lay like this forever, undisturbed and alone.
Forever.
Memories of last night swarmed my brain, pushing out all the memories of Letha's sad, green eyes. I smiled as I realized the ache between my legs hadn't subsided-- the sting remained. It had actually happened. I hadn't made it all up. And I would've stayed engulfed in my cloud of complete and utter awe if Roman hadn't nearly scared the living crap out of me with the following.
His voice was raw with sleep as his eyes remained closed; "It's rude to stare,"
I practically arched right off the bed again. Had Roman not had his arms around me in a deadweight hold, I was sure I'd have flown right down to the floor. "Christ!" I hissed, shocked. How had he known? "Sorry... Did I wake you?"
Roman seemed too sleepy to grant me a proper answer, and he settled for a short grunt; "Sleep,"
"It's already morning!--"
"Don't care. Sleep," With his next breath, he pulled me even closer, until the tips of our noses were touching.
I was almost glad Roman's eyes were closed. At least he didn't see the hefty blush creeping up my cheeks. It dawned on me that he maybe had a point-- we had never had the pleasure of having nowhere to be, with no one to wake us up, or school to go to.
There was one thing I wanted to say, but I was scared he'd get upset at my use of words-- no, fuck it; "You're so pretty," I whispered, reaching up to brush my fingers over the tips of his long, long lashes. "You can't expect me not to stare when you look like this."
Roman's brows drew together, yet he allowed me to do as I pleased in his sleepy state. "I'm not pretty,"
Knew it. "Yeah, you are,"
"Just go to sleep,"
"You're unbelievably pretty,"
"... Please just sleep,"
I was aware that I was annoying him, but something about the way his voice got all harsh in the morning made me want to hear him more. Roman's breath fanned over the skin at the tip of my nose with the gentlest breeze as I sighed against his lips; God, how I loved him. "I don't want to sleep... but I can lay here with you, if you want,"
Roman hummed, the dark rumble in his chest nearly vibrating the bed in the process. "Just don't go anywhere,"
"I won't,"
"Ever,"
"I won't,"
With Roman's next breath, I knew he finally believed me-- finally. It hit him for the first time last night that I wasn't lying when I said I wasn't going anywhere, and it hit him again now. Forever was a dead serious plan of mine, and I was intent on making him understand that no matter what. "You're prettier," he eventually said, nudging my nose with his. "You're like the first pleasant sip of water after you've recovered from a sore throat."
"... Specific,"
Roman let out a short, annoyed groan; "Sleep,"
I didn't want to sleep. I didn't want to possibly face Letha again. With my palms against Roman's soft cheeks, I placed a loving kiss against his parted lips, feeling him sigh into me. "Good morning, Rome,"
He smiled, fulfilled, as though he couldn't hold it back anymore; "Good morning, baby,"
"Did you at least sleep well?--"
"Sleep!"
"... But I really don't want to,"
With another sigh, Roman stirred, pulling me closer to press a lazy kiss to my jaw. "Either you go back to sleep, or we fuck. You gotta give me something to work with, here,"
I stilled. "That's... not a bad idea,"
Roman's classic smirk illuminated my morning. "Turn around, then,"
"Huh?--"
"Trust me,"
Sometimes, when I was lonely, before everything with Roman, I used to kiss the skin between my knuckles and imagine someone else was kissing me. The small sounds, and the tingling sensation pooling in my stomach, would distract me from the unbearable feeling of loneliness. The reality of it.
Which is why, when Roman brought my hand to his mouth, pressing his lips to my knuckles before turning me around, I knew I wasn't alone.
Actually, it wasn't just that that showed me I wasn't-- the repeated strokes of Roman's cock filling me was certainly reminder enough.
It was that sort of lazy morning sex I had only read about in those odd novels my mom would hide around the house, or heard about from my friends which I no longer had. This was a different type of sex from yesterday's, which had been so highly connected and emotional-- and this was not to say that this right now wasn't both connected and emotional, but it was... comforting. Like we were taking joy in being able to do just this. To enjoy one another in a sleepy, slow form.
Roman's grip around my throat wasn't hard or choking-- it was more of a hold to keep me in place as he let out a breathy grunt against my shoulder, sinking into me with slow, lazy strokes from behind. "We should do this more often," Roman murmured against my ear, listening to my small whimpers. "Isn't this fun?"
I could hear his stupidly pretty smile. Fucking Romy Schneider. "What, sex?" Obviously?
Roman's deep laugh against my ear nearly had me shuddering; "In the morning," he purred.
"That's gonna be-- hard," My last words were cut off by the hitch of my breath. This felt too good. "Parents and-- and all." It was true, though. How were we supposed to do this with our parents in the house? I doubted Roman's mom was out on business trips all the time, anyway.
With a small huff, I was pulled even tighter to his chest, almost as a reprimand-- I had no idea why it made my cheeks burn. "You'll learn to be quiet," Roman breathed, kissing up the shell of my ear. "Right?"
"I--"
"You'll be a good little girl for me and be quiet, hm?"
And just as I was about to protest, to remind him it was probably a little rude to have sex with other people in the house (I had no idea actually, was there no etiquette to it?), the hand Roman had around my waist slid between my legs, coaxing them further apart. All my thoughts of having a proper conversation went out the window the second he pressed two fingers to my clit, circling it as his kisses moved to the skin between my ear and my jaw.
It was impossible not to give in to the feeling; Roman was intoxicating. I whimpered with the next brush of his cock against my sweet spot, the different sensations dulling my brain with every thrust-- "Yeah,"
Roman let out a hum of approval; "Just for me?"
"Only-- Only you,"
I could practically feel him melt against me. "That's my girl,"
It was an oddity how much Roman enjoyed the sound of it. How much he enjoyed knowing he finally had a companion in the world. I could feel his cock twitch inside of me with the reminder, with the need to become one.
Because at the end of the day, that's what we were now.
We were one.
。゚•┈୨♡୧┈• 。゚
The next day at school was the easiest day to handle in a while. It didn't matter that people were staring, that my reputation was still tarnished, because I finally felt the stream of love floating my way that I had been craving my whole life.
"You need to start zipping this up," Roman huffed, reaching for the zipper of my jacket. He pulled me closer to the railing he was sitting on by the school entrance, shaking his head. "It's getting cold. Don't be stupid." This was a new level of intimacy. The quiet moments, the small, shared moments of care. He was almost annoyed that I hadn't done it myself, that I hadn't thought to take care of myself, thoughtless little girl.
I loved it when he got protective like this. Absolutely adored it. It only reminded me of how much I loved him, and consequently, how I couldn't tell him.
I glanced at Peter, who sat next to Roman, and held back a snicker. I could bet about a hundred dollars that he had never seen his best friend so ridiculously protective before. "She's not twelve," he tried, nudging Roman's shoulder, earning a displeased grunt.
Oh, of course Peter didn't get it. Roman Godfrey, sweetly zipping up my jacket-- the simplest of all things. Nonetheless, it brought a twinge of scarlet to my cheeks as I spotted a group of cheerleaders passing us on the way to the school entrance; the looks of seething jealousy in their eyes only brought me joy. A part of me wanted the sight of Roman being sweet to leave them with a feeling of pure agony. I wanted them all to suffer. Always. For their heads to be bashed in like Jasmine nearly did to herself into her locker; I wished it upon them. On them all.
... I needed to snap out of this.
Roman had been right-- it was getting chilly in Hemlock Grove. I shivered when he finished buttoning my buttons, smiling down at him where he sat with Peter, glad none of them could read my thoughts. I wondered whether Roman would be horrified or... comforted by the fact that I was capable of wishing cruelty upon others, just like him.
It didn't matter. None of it did. Especially not now that he was looking up at me with those big, green eyes of his with his hands tucked into his jacket, looking handsome as ever. From this angle, Roman's shoulders were almost broader, and the more I thought about his physique, the more I thought about last night when he was completely undressed.
Completely undressed, on top of me, loving me.
... Loving me.
If only he did.
Fuck-- I couldn't think about that right now. The need to draw him in and have him all over again would overcome me soon, and I needed to push it down. It would be quite unfortunate if I started acting like a cat in heat every time I saw him from now on. "I need to get to class," I said, keeping my hands to myself despite how much I wanted to run them through Roman's hair.
His eyes softened as he scanned me, jacket fully zipped up and all. "What do you have now?" he asked, now toying with the fabric of my pockets.
"Math, sadly,"
Peter looked like he couldn't wait to escape the tension that ensued the two of us being in such close proximity. "Oh, right," Peter muttered, clicking his tongue against his palate as he sat back on the banister. "Math, second period... With Letha, right?"
The name was enough to make me freeze, and just for a second, it felt like the air got colder. I was sure I might've even flinched. The image of Letha in my dreams, white as though drained of blood, clouded my vision as my heart started to thump painfully. Why was I reacting like this?
Also, Roman looked like he had been greatly offended by something. With furrowed brows, he sat back and sent Peter a look of what the fuck. "How do you even know that?" he muttered, reaching one arm forward to drag me closer by my waist, his eyes not leaving Peter's to scan his every minuscule reaction.
I was relieved by Roman's touch-- my fingers dipped into the short hair at the nape of his neck, unsure what was happening.
On the other hand, Peter seemed to have a hard time recovering from what I could only guess was a slip-up. "I don't know," he said, shrugging as his eyes shied away. "I just remember it, I guess."
Roman snapped; "Why?"
Okay-- I didn't want to be here for this conversation. I couldn't hear more about Letha, not after my cryptic dream. It didn't make matters any better that Peter was right, and that I would see her in my next class. I stopped playing with Roman's hair, placing a short kiss to the top of his head; "I'm heading off," I mumbled, nodding shortly to Peter before excusing myself.
Having got a quick whiff of Roman's heavy, intoxicating perfume, I closed my eyes and clutched my books tightly to my chest as I walked to class. The sheer smell of him, the softness of his hair, the kindness of his gestures-- it all made my head wander back to last night. The way it felt to have him inside me, how he took care of me, and how good it all felt. Allowing the memories to float back into my mind, I didn't realize I was walking around with a bright smile on my face until I sat down in math class and got a few odd looks from the other students around my seat. I wasn't usually this cheery, I suppose.
Life felt good. When I thought about Roman, everything felt great. I made myself comfortable behind my desk, feeling my tummy tingle with my reminiscing of last night; I wanted him more than ever. Now that I knew we could be together like that, I wasn't sure how I was supposed to be able to detach from him. And just as I thought I was about to explode into a burst of butterflies, I stuck my hand in my coat to reach for my phone, only to find what felt like crumbled-up paper.
Confused, I unfolded it;
i miss the look on your face when you cum. miss you miss you miss you. let's find a quiet place somewhere and get very very noisy after school, what do you think about that? do tell. i want to know your every thought, actually. what makes you tick, and so forth. know that i'm probably thinking about you right now. always.
- your favorite (hopefully)
Oh, Roman and his notes. When had he managed to put it in there? A few minutes ago, when he toying with my pockets? Sneaky. I was dead sure my cheeks had turned a peculiar shade of pink by the time I felt someone put down their bag in the empty seat next to me, and I was too drunk on the euphoria to glance at my partner for today's class. How I loved Roman-- I loved him to the point where the tips of my fingers burned when I thought about him. And knowing he was probably in class now as well, thinking about me too... no, it was almost too much to bear.
However, when something much harder to face suddenly sat down next to me, I would've loved to get sucked right back into my tingling cave of Roman-comfort.
Letha.
Letha was here.
Letha was sitting next to me, gazing back at me with those trademark green Godfrey eyes.
Fuck. I immediately crumbled up the note, stuffing it down my pocket to hide the content of it from her. Knowing Letha, she'd probably barf at the sight of the first sentence. "What are you doing?" I hissed, glancing around to scour the classroom for empty seats. "There's a free table two rows down--"
"I like sitting here," Letha's face remained free of strong emotion, and she turned away to unpack her supplies. "It's close to the window, and I need the natural sunlight. It helps the headache I get from the lamps in here, don't you remember?"
She said it so matter-of-factly, and for a second, it felt as though I had been teleported back to two months ago. I didn't know how to act around Letha anymore. "Sure," I mumbled. Just my luck.
As class started, I would glance over at Letha every once in a while. She seemed so peaceful, undisturbed by my presence, and I wasn't sure why that annoyed me to this extent. Was it perhaps the fact that she sought out forgiveness from me when she refused to give me any in return? That she was seeking acceptance about the situation only when it suited her?
It was odd to look at Letha and see her in colours. After my dream last night, I could only see her in her undead form, dead to me.
To my dismay, Letha leaned over to my side of the table a little later that class; "Do you have a pencil?" she whispered.
A Godfrey asking to borrow my pencil? It usually led to no good. Still, I handed her one--
"Thank you,"
"No problem,"
This was so weird. It felt too normal, yet it was agony to act that it was. However, the situation only worsened when the teacher asked us to work in pairs and solve an equation on the board. I held my breath, daring to glance at Letha; she was already looking at me. "You have no clue how to solve this stuff, do you?"
I shrugged. She knew me too well. "You've probably already solved it in your head,"
Letha's smile was kind, genuine. "Want me to show you how to do it?"
"Nah,"
"Do you even do your homework anymore?"
I knew her question was coming from a good place. I could feel it. After all, I barely managed to do my homework when Letha and I had regular study sessions at her place. Just thinking about it made me remember the sweet smell of her sheets, which never mixed well with the incense she was always burning for 'good karma'. "Roman has a guy that does them for him, and I write my answers off of his," I mumbled.
I expected the mention of him to put her off-- yet Letha simply nodded, raising her brows in a conniving look. "He's corrupted you,"
"I've let him,"
"I know," Letha's green eyes shimmered with words untold as she echoed; "I know."
It was odd to face her like this. For her to know my feelings for Roman, and not walk off this time. This was the first conversation we'd had in months where we weren't at each other's throats. And suddenly, Letha took the leap I wasn't allowed to take-- she leaned in closer as she dared to whisper the forbidden words; "I miss you,"
Oh no. "Letha--"
"You never said goodbye, and now a part of me believes you're coming back,"
I let out a shaky breath as I moved my chair further away from hers. What she said had been too close to the words in my dream last night. It was chilling. "Of course I never said goodbye," I hissed back, feeling my emotions boil to a simmer. "You didn't let me." There it was, laid out in the open. "You cut me off, Letha." She had. "And you left me for dead!"
Letha held her breath high in her chest as her mouth formed a tight line. It wasn't until she moved her chair closer to mine and gripped the table harder that she allowed herself to breathe; "I left you for dead because you basically fucking stabbed me!"
"I didn't mean to!"
"And you think I did?" Letha hissed. "You gave me no choice!"
"That's not true! I came clean to you, and the least you could've done was to!--"
"Yeah, well, I'm sorry!"
We stared at one another in silence. There it was, my apology, served on a silver platter. I had heard it once before, but Roman wasn't here to control the outcome of it this time. Something within the bounds of my soul was relieved of anger and tension, and I couldn't halt the result of it; "I'm sorry too,"
Letha froze for a good second or two. Her lips parted in disbelief as her grip on the table lifted, and she sat back in her chair with a slow nod. It gradually dawned on her what this meant for us.
"Do you think it could work again?"
I indulged with a soft sigh; "What could, Letha?"
"Us," she said, allowing tears to well in her eyes. "You and I. Our friendship."
It was easier to breathe, all of a sudden. I knew that an apology wasn't enough to mend our wounds, but it was a start. I nodded along with Letha and watched as the corners of her mouth tugged upwards into a smile-- I caught myself mirroring it.
"So..." she tried.
"So..."
"Did you hear that Brooke Bluebell bought a big needle from a pharmacy?"
I grimaced; "What? No, why?"
"To get her revenge on Roman," Letha held back a laugh, biting down on her lip as she turned to write down the answer to the math equation. "From a few months ago, if you remember the whole ordeal."
"Oh," I breathed. "Needle-gate?"
"Needle-gate,"
Despite how concerning the big needle sounded, it was a funny reminder of the past; "I've gotta tell Roman,"
"Yeah, you better. I think he's blocked me, so I'm out of the picture," Letha sat back in her chair after finishing her work, and she glanced back at me as she tapped the pencil against the paper. "You've gotta tell him about prom too."
"... Prom?"
"Yes, prom," Grabbing her bag, Letha rummaged around for a few seconds until she found a flyer. It was purple, super lavish-- "It's in two weeks, I think. Kinda short notice, but I have a feeling he'd secretly want to go. He's into the classics, so I'd suggest you indulge him."
I felt my cheeks turn red as I kept my eyes on the flyer. Just the thought of me in a dress, Roman in a suit; it made me warm. Uncomfortably warm. "I think he'd rather die, actually," I mumbled, handing it back to Letha. "Are you going?"
"Meh, don't think so," She stuffed the flyer back into her bag and sighed, reaching for her phone. "The guy that I'm into says he doesn't want to go, so I'll stay home."
It hit me that this was the first time I didn't know who Letha had a crush on. Previously, she would tell me all about them. There was a Tyler, there was a Scott, and then there was a third one who had a really peculiar last name. And just as I was about to scour my brain for more names, a particular one popped up on Letha's phone as she turned it on;
Peter: I think it's time to...
That was all I was able to see, as she needed to click on it to read the whole message. My eyes widened as I sat back in my chair, sending Letha an odd look. It was clear by her body language that she hadn't intended for me to see that, and she immediately flipped her phone.
... Was something going on?
Letha cleared her throat and turned back to me with the same smile, yet it felt disingenuous. "That's a different Peter," she said, a somewhat panicked squeak to her voice. "It's the neighbour. He might be complaining about the amount of cars my dad has parked on our street, cause they don't fit into our garage anymore. It needs to be discussed, apparently. It's time, or whatever."
That seemed like a typical rich-kid problem. I could somewhat buy it. "Is it a Godfrey thing to be crazy about cars?"
"Just you wait until you hear about the cigarettes. Dad's a real chain-smoker,"
"... Don't tell me they're cinnamon-flavoured?"
Letha sighed; "Sadly, yeah. The garage smells like a goddamn gingerbread house,"
The laughter that followed wasn't intentional, and it blended in with the ring of the bell.
This was nice. To see the smile on Letha's face felt good, like a warm soup when you have a cold. It was a comfort to know that we could finally be normal around each other, despite the fact that we would possibly never be friends again like before, or even forgive one another. I doubted that I ever could, fully.
However, just as I was about to excuse myself, I spotted a silhouette by the door which made my blood run cold.
Fuck.
Roman.
I saw it in his eyes immediately. The confusion, which quickly morphed into something darker, anger-like. My laughter died down in an instant as my body kicked into a fight-or-flight response, suddenly scared out of my mind to be caught laughing with Letha-- she seemed to catch on momentarily, but remained in her seat as she watched me shove all my supplies and books into my backpack, hurrying to get to Roman.
I had forgotten that he wanted to pick me up after class. I had forgotten my promise to not fraternise with the enemy-- fucking stupid.
Hoping to conceal the slight tremble in my hands, I put one of them on Roman's arm when I caught up to him in the doorway, smiling up at him with an anxious breath stuck in my chest. "Hey, you," I tried, giving the sleeve of his shirt a gentle tug as I always did, a plea for him to bend down and kiss me. It was impossible to reach all the way up to his lips without it, anyway.
But Roman's attention hadn't left Letha. His eyes had narrowed, glaring at her with fury apparent in the way his jaw clenched. Had telepathy been a real thing, I'd have thought they were yelling at each other through their minds. I almost wanted to butt in and say Letha wasn't bothering me, that we were having a normal conversation-- however, I knew that would only make it worse.
"Come," Roman said with a low growl, unlike anything I had heard from him before. With one last scorned look at Letha, he gripped my wrist and started marching down the hallway; I didn't expect to be yanked from my place the way I was, and I was sure my legs were fully in the air for a microsecond or two; "Roman!--"
"This day just keeps getting worse," he muttered, not waiting for me to find my balance as he continued to drag me down the hallway.
Roman's grip around my wrist was hard. "Slow down!" I tried, grabbing his arm with my free hand. "It's not what it looks like! It's not-- " Everything about this made me dizzy, and his sudden anger made the familiar feeling of dread pool in my stomach. It only got worse when he pulled me into an empty classroom, slamming the door shut behind us.
I took a few steps away from him, waiting for the bomb to explode. My breath came out in short, ragged motions as my hands remained clenched by my sides in anticipation. It felt like I was five years old again, waiting to get reprimanded for having drawn on the walls. "Roman, I--"
"Shut up," Of all the things I expected, it wasn't this. Not at all. Because suddenly, my body was pressed against the door of the classroom with Roman's arms around me, and his lips pressing needy kisses to my neck. My bag dropped to the floor-- What the...?
"Not here," was all I managed to say before my breath hitched, and my hands automatically flew up into his hair. "Roman, please, wait--"
"No," He was more dismissive than ever-- I wondered why I sort of liked it. Why it made my stomach tingle, why I wanted him to do whatever he wanted to me. Was it possibly after what had happened last night? "No more bullshit."
I closed my eyes, hoping we'd have a few seconds to disperse if someone walked in on us right now. With the force of Roman's weight against mine keeping the door firmly shut, I was sure of it. My head lulled against the door as I felt him latch on a particular spot on the side of my neck, marking my skin with his possession. I knew I was screwed-- you can't get more screwed than this.
I was sure I disassociated for a few seconds, because suddenly, Roman's lips brushed against my ear, and I had to suppress a shiver. "We're gonna have a damn serious talk," he said, keeping me still against the door. "We need it. I need it."
Something told me we wouldn't be talking much if he continued kissing me like this. "Let's-- Let's talk, then,"
When Roman pulled away, I could finally see the frustration on his face. The way his brows were drawn together, how high his breath was in his chest, and the narrow glare of his gaze. Still, I didn't think it would result in this; it took me a while to realize his hands were no longer at my sides, and that they were now unzipping my jeans.
"What are you doing?" I breathed, grabbing at his wrists. "Don't--"
"You think you can outsmart me?" It was as though someone had ripped the curtains off its hinges, now revealing what was always hidden behind them. Roman's breath fell heavy against my cheek as a small twitch of his upper lip revealed his inner turmoil; "You think you can tell me one thing, and then do the opposite when I'm not looking?"
My anxiety grew as I realized Roman's strength was unmatched. There was nothing I could do to fight him. "What are you talking about?" It was hard to come up with a cohesive sentence when I was this stressed.
"Peter told me, y'know," Roman continued, a low growl in his voice prevalent in ways it had never been before. "He told me the obvious, of course. That Letha is trying to reconcile, that she misses you... But then he told me the part I didn't know. The part you probably didn't want me to know."
It was with his last ominous words that he managed to dip his fingers past my waistband, past the hem of my underwear, and placed two fingers on my clit. The unexpected touch immediately made me squirm against the door, squeezing my eyes shut. "Why-- Why are you doing this?" was all I managed to stutter out, my hands still locked around his wrist. He knew I didn't want this. He knew. "I don't-- don't know what you're--"
"Talking about?" Roman rubbed rough circles around my clit as he placed his forehead against mine, pressing my head further up against the door. "Oh, so you're not gonna tell me?" His voice got more patronizing, as though this was fifth grade and he was teasing me in the courtyard-- "Is my good little girl gonna be real stupid and not tell me? You wanna act dumb with me, huh?"
Something about his tone made my cheeks burn. His tone, his words. This was not a good way to find out about a possible kink. My mind dulled with the stimulation against my clit, and it didn't take long before I eventually felt my arousal pooling. In all ways of the word, I felt like my body was betraying me. "Not here," I echoed, breath hitching. It felt like he was pressing a button on me, like I was a toy, thoughtlessly repeating it over and over; "Not here, Rome-- N-Not, here, please--"
"I'll stop when you tell me,"
"Tell you what?" I cried, squeezing his wrists as my hips bucked into his hand. Roman knew how to touch me, even if it was at my disadvantage. My mind was racing; someone could walk in, someone could see, someone could--
"How Letha helped you get us back together," Roman's breath was so warm, so angry, against my face, it felt like he was drawing my scorching red blush on my cheeks. "How you went and asked her for advice on how to decrypt me? Maybe you don't know me at all, is that it?"
I didn't want to think about this. I didn't want to be present. I didn't want to think about the fact that Roman had gotten the information all twisted, that Peter must've had quite an extensive talk with Letha to even know parts of this story, and that Roman couldn't find another way to talk it out than to do it like this. Forcefully. Because right now, it felt too good. It felt way too good. The sensation of his fingers rubbing circles into my clit, running them between my folds to gather up my slick, only to return to my bundle of nerves to make my legs shake with a mix of anxiety and pleasure, felt too good.
"That's not true," I tried in between heaves of air. What would it make me if I came like this? "That's not-- not true, Rome--"
"I won't ever be enough for you, will I?"
"No-- no, you're everything!--"
"Because the end of the day, you'll go back to Letha," Roman's voice was tight, restricted, as though he was holding back a heap of emotions. "No matter what I do, how gently I fuck you, treat you, you won't want to be with me forever. No one does."
If only he knew. If only he knew that I loved him. My hands let go of his wrist, and I placed my palms against his chest, forcing some space between us with a push. That seemed to do the trick-- Roman's fingers slowed down as our eyes met, and he was faced with my watery gaze. "I didn't lie last night," I said after finally catching my breath. "I've never lied to you." An unnervingly big part of me longed for him to rub me through my high, which was not too far away from the horizon, but the sane part of me knew I had to put an end to his venture into the dark ways of his past.
Roman's mouth pulled into a straight line; "Peter wouldn't lie to me either,"
"I'm not saying he is. He just got the story wrong,"
There was a long silence, and I knew this was my moment-- I reached for Roman's wrist again, and with careful, slow motions, I got his hand out of my underwear. "Letha heard us fight, and she came over to ask about it afterwards," I started. "There was no plotting. No decrypting. The only thing she told me, was to look for a bigger picture when it comes to fighting with you. I didn't ask for it! And what you saw just now, was us being friendly. Not friends. We will never be again, after everything that happened!"
"But... you were talking on the stairs," Roman echoed, as something in his gaze faltered. "I saw you when we were leaving the party."
Letha's following words were almost icy to the touch, hollow to the ear; "Was I right?"
It felt as though my world stilled. Time stilled. Just for a second, I felt as though I could wade my free hand through the coldness of her phrase, and I could wave away the mirage. She was concerned, curious. Had she genuinely wanted to help me get through this fight with Roman?
"Yeah," I breathed. "You were. Thank you."
Letha's face softened as a relieved sigh escaped her, nodding her head slowly. It had been a long time since the last time she had heard those words from me. "Any time,"
The memory was as fresh as day. "You were right next to me, Roman. If I was hiding something, I wouldn't have talked to her in front of you," I let go of his hand, letting out a shaky breath as he took another step away from me. I could sense that his mind was cracking itself in half. "I don't need Letha to tell me how to fix things with you. Contrary to what you were thinking, I do know you. And I know you well enough to see that this isn't you being angry with me, but rather your fucking abandonment issues surfacing because you haven't dealt with them yet!"
It was clear that Roman didn't expect me to raise my voice, but hell-- I was so done with this behavioural pattern of his.
"It might be good for me to not have the worst relationship with all the girls at this school, have you thought about that?" I said, feeling my fists clench at my sides. "That Letha and I being friendly and not at each other's throats might be good for me? And that it might also be good for your relationship with your cousin, mind you, who you've seemingly blocked?"
Roman remained silent, at a loss for words.
My breathing had yet to calm down, along with my arousal. "You will always be enough for me," I said, softening my tone. "You're all I've ever wanted. I'm not leaving you. But it doesn't matter how many times I tell you this unless you trust me." I zipped up my pants, huffing as I picked up my bag. It felt as though my knees were about to give out-- I could feel my slick dripping into my underwear. This was a feeling I never wanted to revisit again. Ready to storm off, to slam the door behind me with a bang and leave Roman here to wallow in whatever he was feeling at the moment, something else hit me like a blow to the head; "Wait, how did Peter know?"
It couldn't be. It seriously couldn't be.
Roman cleared his throat, no longer meeting my gaze. I could see it in the light pink of his cheeks that he was embarrassed about his outburst. "He said they talked at the party," he mumbled under his breath. "Briefly. Just for a second."
"Ah, is that right?"
Roman caught my tone, glancing up at me through his brows. "Why?"
"Don't you think it's odd?"
"... Maybe, I don't know? I was busy getting laid that night, don't ask me,"
I would've laughed had I not been so pissed off. I could see the lack of reaction on my face getting to Roman, and he gave in to a slight shiver. Finally, the roles were reversed, just for a second. "Rome?"
He looked relieved to hear me use his nickname-- "Yes?"
"You will never do anything like that to me ever again,"
Roman tucked his hands into his pockets, head hanging low. "I... really don't know what came over me--"
"Never," I snapped, biting my teeth together. I was afraid I'd start yelling. "You will never."
I wondered whether anyone had talked to him like this. If this was the first time in history that Roman had gotten a boundary imposed on him. Maybe by his mother when she was scolding him as a child, but after that? I somehow doubted it. He remained silent, eyes fixating on his polished shoes.
Finally getting the opportunity to look at him this close, I spotted the vial of my blood still hanging around his neck, poking out from beneath his shirt. In the back of my mind, after having read that stupid book on upirs, a huge part of me thought he was getting affected by it. That the constant smell of blood right underneath his nose was activating dormant senses, dormant thoughts.
But upirs weren't real.
Not.
Real.
Roman's silence made me feel unimaginably guilty, as though I had been the one to force myself upon him-- he looked like a kicked puppy. I hated it. So, I gathered my next breath; "Could you at least say you're sorry? Then I'll feel better about inviting you home for dinner later,"
Roman's eyes lit up as they met mine, surprised I'd even offer. "You... still want that?"
"I can barely breathe when we're apart, what do you think?"
He let out the breath he had been holding, falling apart; "I'm really sorry,"
I didn't want to dwell on it. Didn't want to think about the fact that the scared look on my face would probably get him going for months on end. That he'd think about it at night, when he woke up, and especially when he got off at the thought of me. The scared look in my eyes.
No. I didn't want to think about it.
Roman was the first to approach, slowly daring to tilt my head up with two fingers underneath my chin and kissing me with the utmost gentle touch. No tongue, no urgency-- just a small, soft brush of our lips against one another, creating sparks that went all the way down into the tips of my fingers.
Letha had been right when she first warned me about him, all those months ago. Roman was the epitome of an asshole. A core so rotten, it was impossible to carve out all the bad. You could try, you could dig, you could pray, but all of it would never go away. It would forever fester in his bones, infect the very basis of his DNA, and course through his veins.
But... when he kissed me like this, I could forget it.
I could forget.
When he kissed me like this, I only loved him more.
I knew I would love him forever.
And as the kiss deepened with the sweetest pressure, I reached for the vial of my blood around Roman's neck-- he didn't notice the way I twisted the capsule, figuring out which way to turn it so it would screw itself off. I had a feeling I would need to know this information in times of crisis.
Just in case.
Just in case. 。゚•┈୨♡୧┈• 。゚
The rest of the evening went on as normal. Weirdly enough.
Roman had fully snapped out of his rage, and he had turned into a version of himself I hadn't seen before. He wasn't joking around. He wasn't making dirty jokes.
He was... calm.
Assured.
I knew this was probably a form of keeping on the low, to not take a wrong step and blow up in the minefield he had made himself. Roman laid still in my bed with his hands behind his head, watching as I scoured my closet. If there was going to be a prom, I had to look for a dress, right?
"What are you looking for?" he asked, yawning. "Need some help?"
I shrugged, hoping to brush his question off. It was a bit embarrassing to be talking about this, seeing as he hadn't asked me to be his date or anything. "Just looking for a dress... Wondering if I still have the one I'm thinking about,"
"What do you need a dress for?" Roman sat up in the bed, watching me like a puppy would.
"I... like dresses. Need to wear them more often,"
"But it's getting colder, don't you think it's better to wear something warmer for the season?"
What was up with this obsession of his lately? He had to keep me warm at all times, supposedly. "You sound so polite," I mumbled, wading through my clothes. "Stop looking so guilty, please."
Roman let out a sigh, running his hands through his hair. "I feel bad,"
This was intolerable. It gnawed on my heart. "I told you we're fine, so please don't," I turned to him with one hand on my hip, hoping to stare some sense into him; "I even wore this crazy top to make your mood better, look!"
Roman's eyes darted down to the hot pink crop top I was wearing, and he bit down on his growing smile to stay neutral. Nonetheless, I could see it on his face that he remembered exactly where I had gotten it, and possibly the feeling he had back in that closet when he came into the soft fabric of it. "I'd rather you wore my sweater, like usual,"
"It's in the washer. And this top is fucking iconic," I pointed to the words which were stretched out across my chest. "See? 'Rock on', in big, black letters. You need to rock on more, Roman."
His smile immediately cracked, and he propped himself up on his elbows as he leaned down on the bed. "I've done enough rocking for today, that's for sure,"
I finally saw a way I could turn his mood upside down. With a smug smile, I walked over to the pink speaker I got for my seventeenth birthday and connected it to my phone. "Rome, baby, who's big in rock these days?"
Roman chuckled, rolling over on his side to follow me with his eyes. "Depends what type of rock you're looking for,"
"Anything,"
"I don't know, then. Anything from Nirvana to Blur, I suppose,"
Bingo. I guessed that Roman was going for bands he thought I had heard of, and he had hit jackpot. With a click of a button, the intro to Song 2 by Blur started playing through the speakers, which earned me another laugh from my boyfriend. It was a typical rock song-- it started out rather quiet until it broke out into complete chaos.
I crawled back into bed, kissing my way up Roman's stomach, which only made his breath hitch. The giggles brewing in his chest resonated through my body that was pressed up against his, and I joined the laughter as I kissed his rosy cheeks. It was intimate, it was sweet. I loved that I could do this with him now, that he was comfortable enough to be put in a position like this, and that he allowed me to pull stunts like these.
And after all, I decided I would show my love through action, as I couldn't tell him about the extent of my feelings. I knew he'd get up and bolt right out the window like something straight out of a cartoon.
Roman caught his breath, placing his hands on both sides of my face-- all the emotions he couldn't tell me either were on display in his big, green eyes, roaming around the galaxies in his dark pupils. "I trust you,"
"... What?--"
"I keep thinking about what you said earlier," he tried, stroking his thumbs across the soft skin of my cheeks. "I promise I trust you. And I'm sorry that I get in my head about it, because you don't deserve that. You deserve so much better than what I can give you, yet... I want you to stay with me. I really, really want you to stay with me."
This was a rather deep conversation to be having with loud rock music in the background. I should've definitely picked something more mellow. With a sigh, I leaned down to kiss the tip of Roman's nose-- "I told you I'm not going anywhere," I breathed. "I'm yours forever, if you'll have me."
Finally, Roman's eyes lit up. Lit up like fireworks painting the sky. "Forever sounds nice,"
"It does, doesn't it?" It was impossible not to smile.
"It so does,"
It was a relief when he pulled me tightly to his chest and kissed me. It was the type of kiss I had dreamed of having in my bed on a lazy afternoon, the type of kiss which made my heart swell as it beat against his. The type of kiss which I had only ever seen in movies, the type of kiss I could never imagine would feel this good.
No one ever told me that making out with your boyfriend was such a thrill. To be tangled up as one, to be a heap of bodies coming together, to be a mess, and that it would make my whole being vibrate with joy. Roman's lips were so gentle to the touch, yet his kisses were so hot, all-taking, that I wanted nothing more than to melt into him and become one.
It didn't take long before he rolled us over-- I knew he wouldn't be the type to like anyone on top except for him. My hands were in his hair, tugging at the tips of his dark locks to make my fingers busy, as Roman's tongue licked a stripe up my lips; it was so soft, a feathery touch, and it drew out a shaky moan.
I didn't know any of this was possible before I met him. I really had no idea, silly me.
My mind didn't register the meek whine that escaped me, possibly to protect my psyche, as Roman pulled away. A thin string of saliva connected our lips as we simply breathed down at each other, gazing into the other's eyes-- I was sure mine widened a little when I felt something hard pressing against my lower abdomen.
Fuck, that was still damn hot.
It certainly gave the words rock on a new meaning, no?
"I need to ask you something," Roman breathed, followed by a sigh of relief when he heard the song was over. "But don't freak out on me, okay?"
I nodded, eager to have his lips back on mine again; "Sure,"
"And before you judge me, I'm not the biggest fan of this idea myself, cause I think it's kinda lame. Keep that in mind,"
"Okay?"
"So... Heh," Roman let out a soft, nervous laugh, nudging my nose with his. "You might actually want to find a dress for this to work, though."
My fingers traced circles into his hair; "Rome,"
"Yeah?"
"Stop rambling, please,"
"Oh,"
"You were saying?"
"Oh," Roman cleared his throat, placing a short kiss to my lips. "Do you want to go to prom?"
Had I not been trapped beneath him, I would've shot right out of the bed. My eyes widened as I pulled him in for another kiss, hoping to suppress the squeal that threatened to escape me.
"Wait, wait--" Roman's words were muffled against my lips before he raised himself up, still not done. What else was there to say, though? "So, you're going?"
"... What?"
"With friends, or...?"
"Roman, what friends?"
"Ah, right," Once again, he cleared his throat and got all serious again; "So... would you want to go with me?"
It took a second for it to dawn on me that Roman had been genuinely confused. That he thought I would be going with anyone else but him. That he thought, even for just a second, that there was a possibility that I would tell him no. "Are you crazy? Of course!"
Oh, how I loved him.
I loved him to bits.
And here I was, squealing about going to prom. Roman had made me a puddle of girly with his heartthrob-ways. It would've made me sick, had we not immediately gone back to making out, but this time, with bright smiles on our faces. Kissing someone while smiling was definitely in my top three of all things possible on earth.
Second place was being picked up like I weighed nothing, oddly enough. That was one of the perks of having a tall boyfriend, after all.
And the first place was a no-brainer. It was definitely sex.
Oh, and who would've guessed-- we'd end up having sex a few minutes later, believe it or not. When your boyfriend is this hot, it's impossible to resist. It was the type of sex that made up for his behavior at school today, the type of sex that made me melt into the mattress with joy and pleasure.
The cursed hot pink crop top was quickly discarded, and so was my sanity. Roman's kisses grew firm against me, muffling the sounds of my moans as his fingers dug into the soft flesh of my thighs, pinning them down and folding me into submission. It was official-- there seemed to be no etiquette to sex, and my parents being in the house was an obstacle that was easy to deal with.
Just... shut up. Keep your mouth shut. Right?
But it was so damn hard. Especially as Roman angled his cock right up against my sweet spot with the help of the pillow beneath me, making me whine in pleasure against the kiss he had locked me in to ensure my silence. It was impossible. It made my toes curl, made my vision blurry, and made my mind go into complete lockdown. I entered a phase where I almost didn't care, where I couldn't care less at all, and where the only important thing was for Roman to do whatever he wanted to me.
"Fuck-- me," I rambled, my hands skimming the muscular range of his broad back as I felt my need grow insatiable.
Roman let out a huff against me, the smile on his face a visible contradiction; "What am I doing, then, gorgeous?" He was so secure, so confident, that it was impossible not to let him do whatever his heart desired to me. I trusted him with my whole being, even as his grip around my thighs started to make them ache. My lower lip quivered; "Lo--"
No, no!
"Love this," My rambling needed to end, stat.
Roman smirked into the kiss that followed; "Me too," He seemed to be catching onto my overstimulated state, and the second I let out a sigh of relief when he let go of my thighs and the pounding against my sweet spot relented, he came right back with a move I didn't expect. Roman wrapped his arms around me, pulling me up into his lap with his cock still throbbing inside me.
I suppressed a surprised yelp. "Rome!--"
"Shh," He guided my legs around him as he watched me adjust to the new feeling-- he was deeper than ever, now, and it freaked me out a bit. "Stay quiet for me, okay?"
I was on the brink of tears. It felt like my thoughts had short-circuited and left me for dead. My breath tensed in my chest as I draped my arms around Roman's neck, grabbing a fistful of his hair to ground myself, just as I knew he liked it. "Let's try something new," he purred, hands traveling up my thighs to grab my hips, lifting me up along his shaft as I gasped into his open mouth.
Even when I was on top, Roman needed to have control. Perfect. That worked out well for me, actually.
The way he was looking at me made me feel like I was on fire. The green of his eyes etched into mine, watching me with unmatched amusement-- his lips were upturned into the usual smug smirk which made my heart dance in my chest, and in vulnerable moments such as these, it also resulted in my cheeks flaring up with an embarrassing shade of pink.
It didn't take long before we found a rhythm, and before I got used to practically riding him. It was different like this, especially when Roman's hands were simply a weight on my hips, and I could fuck myself on his cock. It felt like a permission of sorts, like he was telling me he was all mine, that I could do whatever he wanted to him-- like an exchange of submission. Although, of course, Roman would never fully submit to anything in the world.
It was easy to keep quiet when the soft pillows of his lips muffled the sounds of my inevitable moans, but when they left me, it became a fight against my conscience. A small gasp would escape me here and there, along with a loud hitch of my breath, and it eventually balled on into a breathy string of ah ah ah's-- staying quiet was an impossible task. I prayed to all the Gods above that my parents wouldn't hear the mess their dearest Roman was making out of their daughter.
They had no idea he could be like this. None. He was such a sweetheart at dinner, he'd always make sure to help my mom set the table, and he'd talk sports with my dad-- they had no idea. I could see it in Roman's eyes that he found the sight of me beyond amusing. That he got off me unraveling more than anything. He only made it harder for me to stay quiet as he pressed the heel of his palm to my clit, keeping me steady with a hand on my back as his kisses trailed down my body.
"A-Ah, Rome--" I was done for. I was done for.
"Shh, just a little more," Roman's lips had stayed at my clavicle for long enough to leave a mark. It dawned on me that he was leaving a trail of hickeys, and my fist in his hair tightened as my legs quivered. This was too many sensations at once. "A little more... You can take it, right?"
I couldn't utter a cohesive sentence. The pressure on my clit, his wet, eager kisses, and the way I could set the perfect pace as I slid up and down his cock made my brain buzz with static noise. I was sure my eyes had morphed into the shape of hearts as I let out a shaky, quiet moan, filling myself up with Roman's cock over and over. The best feeling in the world.
"That's my girl..." he cooed, grabbing my waist with his free hand. "Fuck yourself on my cock, it's all yours..." His pink lips parted with pleasure as he watched me sink down on his length, enchanted by the sight. It was a delight to watch the way his perfect up-do came undone, and the way his hair fell over his forehead in messy strokes. He looked unreal, godly.
Roman's words were enough to make my hips buck into his abdomen, but my state only got worse, deteriorated, as his mouth trailed down to my breast. The moan I had to suppress when I felt his tongue against my stiffening bud was unmatched-- I was sure I started panting as he took it into his mouth, suckling it swollen as I whimpered.
I wanted to let it spill past my lips; I love you, I love you, I love you. In that sense, sex was dangerous territory for me. However, how was I supposed to resist when it felt this good?
My lips ghosted over the parts of him I could reach, his ear, his cheek, and I let my breath hitch against his skin as a familiar feeling pooled in my tummy. Aware, Roman only drove the heel of his palm harder into my clit, making it so that I was grinding up against him with every lift of my hips against his length. I gave into a tremble, unsure how to stabilize myself in this position-- "Rome," I cried, pleading for him to kiss me. I wasn't sure I'd be able to suppress the sounds that were threatening to spill past my quivering lips when my high washed over me.
Roman's free hand remained at my breast, pinching my bud between his pointer and his thumb in a firm hold which had me wincing in pleasure. He kissed up my body, my shoulders, my neck, my jaw, my cheek-- yet he hovered inches away from my lips, the smirk still prevalent. "You lost," he whispered.
Lost what?
It was as though he read my mind; "You can't stay quiet, can you?"
I really wished I could. I was trying with all my might. But I was so, so damn close, and I shook my head, hoping he'd take pity on me.
"It's okay," he cooed, his breath falling hot against my cheek as he tilted his head as though to kiss me. "You were never meant to win."
And so I crumbled. Completely. Utterly. Euphoria tore through me as I fell apart in Roman's arms, and it didn't take long before he simply wrapped his arms around me, laid me back down, and fucked me through my high as I suppressed my sobs of pleasure into his shoulder.
Honestly? I didn't remember what happened next. Completely zen, relaxed, and thoroughly fucked, I considered myself logged off for the next ten minutes or so. However, I had to run over to my mental keyboard as Roman's hand, which was previously toying with my hair, pointed to my nightstand-- "What's that?"
With a small grunt, I raised my head from his bare shoulder. Fuck. My eyes sprung wide open as I spotted The Avoidable Vampirism on display, uncovered and everything. "Uh..." How could I have left that abomination out in the open? I gulped, turning to Roman with a doe-eyed expression that I knew worked well on him. I was sure my next words would put him off his incoming queries in an instant; "It's the sequel to Twilight. Vampire erotica, the usual. Edward is gay in this book, Bella is dead, and there are tons of scenes where, uh... men kiss men. And suck each other off. Super interesting."
Unsurprisingly, Roman was immediately disinterested. "Girls," he mumbled, rolling his eyes before he pressed a short kiss to my lips. "Stop thinking about gay sex, go to sleep."
"I'm not thinking about!--"
"Sleep!"
a/n: thank you for reading this monster of a chapter!!!! as you see, Roman's going absolutely nuts... I wonder whyyy (oh we know why, don't we? don't dangle a carrot in front of a donkey or whatever they say). there are a few chapters left of this book which will be packed w shit I hope will melt your brains, but before that, I wish you all a lovely christmas and a happy new year!!! MWAH, THANK YOU!!)
here are all the chapters!!<3: PART 1, PART 2, PART 3, PART 4, PART 5, PART 6, PART 7, PART 8, PART 9, PART 10, PART 11
loveliest taglist of all time:
@mentallyscreamingsincebirth @putherup @corawithfanfiction @vladsgirlxx
@iamaslytherin0 @sexualparkour @the-universe-is-complicated @heavenly-bratt
@lafemme-nk @namiusedbubble @useyourwandbro @strmborns @literally-lani
@virgosapphire79 @star-girl-04 @veyzus @ddipotassium @pecxiebu
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#roman godfrey#hemlock grove#roman godfrey x reader#x reader#bill skarsgård#fanfiction#oneshot#bill skarsgard#fluff#angst#fanfic#highschool!au#hemlock grove fanfiction#aRGH ROMAN IS SUCH A GREY CHARACTER#IDK WHAT TO DO W HIM#DADDY I LOVE HIM#TO BITSSSS#BUT ARGHHHHHHHHH IDIOT!!#POOR READER:(#WHY IS SHE SO BRAINWASHED#KICK HIM OUTTTT WDYM U DO THE DIRTY W HIM AFTERWARDS#IDIOTS#I LOVE THEM
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oohhh that was adorable !!
what do samy and will get each other for christmas?
sweet, sweet gifts
hughes!sister x will smith au (samy + will)
part 2 to sweet, sweet memories where some pretty special gifts are exchanged!
wc: 2.4k
merry christmas to everyone who celebrates today! here is the part 2 to probably one of my favorite fics i've written for this au! i know a lotttt of people have done the tattoo initials before, but i really wanted to join the trend and can totally see samy + will doing this for one another:) but happy holidays!!
au masterlist
both families were gathered around the living room taking turns exchanging gifts after the extravagant wake up and cleaning up all the silly string. the hughes siblings started first with their sibling gift exchange where every year they would pick names out of a hat like secret santa. the parents and smiths watched in amusement as the four huddled in a circle together.
"alright, go ahead and pass," ellen smiled and the siblings quickly exchanged their gifts to who they got. samy passed hers over to jack, jack passed to luke, luke passed to quinn, and quinn passed to samy.
"i fucking knew you got me," jack mumbled in a small smirk as he admired his sister's signature reindeer wrapping paper.
"what? you make luke tell you who he got so you could do process of elimination?" samy giggled.
"hey, it's hard when we live together," the middle brother defended himself and samy just rolled her eyes.
"okay, youngest opens first. open your gift," quinn poked her knee and the girl grinned. she quickly tore through quinn's vancouver blue wrapping paper. it was a rather big box so she wondered what he got her that could be so big.
when she got down to the cardboard box she grew even more curious, reaching for the scissors to cut into the heavy cardboard. finally, she got to the bottom where a white frame facing down revealed itself. the girl carefully lifted it from the box, flipping it over while jack and luke leaned forward to see what it was. quinn sat beside her nervously awaiting her reaction to what became a very sentimental gift.
"oh my god. is this all of my state wins and my recent win?" samy examined each of her game winning photo reactions collaged together into one big picture frame.
"yup, i asked mom for the pictures. i figured you'd want a huge photo of them all together," quinn explained and samy reached over to embrace him in a hug.
"thanks, quinny. i love it. it's so sentimental," the girl hummed and flipped it around so everyone could see better.
"wow, what a gift, quinn," jim nodded.
"it came out so well, i'm so glad," ellen grinned.
"good luck getting that back on the plane," luke snickered and quickly tore into his gift next. the others watched as he shredded the devils red wrapping paper—each sibling seemingly matching their wrapping paper to their team colors this year. jack had a big grin on his face which could only mean so many things from him because he was the master at gag gifts.
out came a little box and luke's eyes widened when he realized what it was. the other siblings leaned in to see, "holy shit, it's me!" the second youngest exclaimed.
he flipped it around so everyone could see him as a little funk pop dressed in his new jersey devils uniform holding his hockey stick. "oh my god! that's adorable!" ellen gushed.
"how'd you even do that?" samy wondered and admired her brother in a box.
"a few emails back and forth with the company. they were more than happy to do it," jack explained.
"this is actually sick, rowdy. thanks," luke patted his brother's back where they exchanged a small hug.
"his frontal lobe must be developing if he didn't get a gag gift this year," samy teased making her brother roll his eyes.
"okay you next," luke nudged jack and the boy quickly tore into the wrapping paper.
samy watched with a smile, hoping jack would like his gift. the reindeer wrapping paper went flying as the middle brother tore through it and luke caught a glimpse of the gift first, his eyes widening.
"no fucking way," jack said when he saw what it was. he pulled it out further so everyone could see the two water guns and now everyone's eyes widened.
"you always say how you want more water guns, so i went ahead and got some for you. you can use them on luke back in jersey or at the lake house," the girl explained.
"no, not at me. save that for the summer," luke quickly shook his head making everyone else laugh.
"this is fucking sick, thanks pop," jack reached over to hug her.
"glad you like them. i know yours wasn't really a gag gift, but i wanted to gag gift you back," everyone shared a laugh and finally, it was quinn's turn.
the oldest hughes was a pretty simple guy and never wanted much, so he looked surprised when luke pulled out a rather large gift for him. because he was such a simple guy, sometimes the siblings struggled what to get him because he never wanted much.
"now, technically i did get you, but we all kind of put thought into this," luke explained making the older boy raise his eyebrow. he glanced at his parents who only shrugged because they had no idea.
they watched in anticipation as quinn carefully opened his gift. it looked similar to samy's with the big white picture frame, but when he flipped it over, the older boy was pleasantly surprised with what he saw.
at the top of the frame was a picture of all of them together at the game quinn was officially named captain of the canucks. beneath the picture was one of his jersey's where the C was proudly displayed on the top right corner. all around the picture were hand written notes from all of his siblings telling him how proud they were of him. quinn's eyes quickly watered, not expecting such sweet gift. the others nervously watched his reaction.
"q, that's so sweet," ellen broke the silence first as she also examined the picture from over his shoulder.
"wee wanted to memorialize such a special moment for you so you'd have it forever and you know how much you mean to us," luke said.
"he's crying, i knew we'd make him cry," jack chuckled and reached over to rub his older brother's shoulder.
"this is the best thing i've ever gotten. i have no words," the older boy quickly wiped his tears to bring his three younger siblings into a hug.
ellen quickly pulled out her phone to snap a picture of the sweet moment.
once the sibling gift exchange was over, it was now time for everything else. colleen and bill handed out their gifts, ellen and jim distributed theirs, and there were a few extra gifts exchanged a long the way that the siblings got one another and between will and grace too. samy got her dyson air wrap as she predicted along with some more necessities she asked for like new mascara, lip gloss, face cream, and perfume.
after everything was opened, the dads worked to clean up the wrapping paper while the moms got to the kitchen to start brunch. samy and will shied away a bit from opening gifts from one another in front of their families, so they disappeared to his room for a second.
"i hope you like it, i literally talked with ryan and gabe about it for weeks," samy chuckled as she slid the two big boxes towards the blonde. he raised his eyebrow a little bit, his curiosity growing.
"hearing that makes me worried," will mumbled because they knew how much ryan and gabe also loved giving gay gifts.
samy watched as he dug into the first big one. the familiar white frame revealed itself which also seemed to be another running theme in the household with these sentimental picture collage gifts. will carefully flipped it over, wondering what would be on the other side.
"we know how much playing at boston meant to you, so gabe and ryan managed to pull a few strings to get your jersey. i printed the pictures and put them all together, so i guess it's sort of a joint gift from all of us? i was thinking you can hang it in your room to remember your time at boston and the legacy your family has to the school," the brunette explained the thought behind the gift and the boy was smiling again as he admired all of the photos of him on the ice or with his friends.
"wow, this is so sweet. i love it, thank you," will glanced up at her, a soft expression on his features which she quickly returned.
"i guess all of us were thinking alike this christmas, but once luke mentioned what he was getting quinn i wanted to do something similar for you," will leaned over to give her a tight hug.
"this is really special, thank you again. i love you," the hockey player hummed, kissing her cheek. he went to tear into the next box which was a bunch of clothes samy saw and figured will would like since he always told her how he watched to change up some of his style.
"hell yeah, i wanted this," the boy said when he saw the abercrombie and fitch sweatshirt and matching jeans.
"i hope they fit. i like kind of knew your size, but not really. i have all the receipts if you need to exchange," samy giggled.
"they're perfect, thank you," he kissed her cheek again. he began passing his gifts over to her until the youngest hughes stopped him. this last gift she was a bit nervous for because it was something she did on a complete whim and didn't know if will would like it or not. he raised his eyebrow when she stopped him for a second.
"i do have one more thing," she began which made the blonde glance at her in confusion. "hopefully you won't think it's stupid or cringey, but i've been thinking about doing it for awhile and i finally did it a few days after i saw you in san jose. it's just a little something..like..to remember you're always with me even when we're miles apart," she rambled a little and will just wondered in amusement what the last gift could possibly be.
when samy stood and began pulling her pajama waist band down, the boy's curiosity grew. was she about to show him her underwear or something? will definitely wouldn't complain if that was the case, but samy stopped about halfway down her hip. will looked closer and that's when he saw black ink marking her skin with 2 simple letters and a number. w.s. 2
his initials. his initials in her skin forever. his eyes widened in disbelief.
"holy shit, no way.." will reached out to gently brush his thumb across the somewhat fresh ink. he actually had zero words, yet it was the hottest thing he's ever seen.
"is it cringy? you can tell me if it is," the girl said nervously when all will did was stare at her upper hip bone. his fingers were delicate across her skin, so mesmerized with the way it looked.
"no way. i love it. i'm on you forever," he looked up at her, such a lovestruck expression on his features it made the girl blush.
"yeah, you are. it's like our own reminder that you're right here with me all the time," she ruffled her hand through his curls, a bit caught off guard when will leaned forward to press a gentle kiss to the area.
"god, i love you," he mumbled.
"i love you," samy grinned.
"you know, i really do think we think the same because i also have a surprise for you," will said and stood up too. the brunette watched as he pulled down his own waist band where on the same exact side as hers was will's own tattoo on his hip except it was her own initials and #6.
samy's eyes widened seeing her boyfriend's hip. "no fucking way," she mumbled.
"i also got mine done a few days after you left san jose. we were probably on the same brain wave length or something, but i've also been wanting to this for some time or at least get your number somewhere. i guess the 6 is a tribute to my time at boston college too," the blonde chuckled, watching as samy reached forward to brush her finger over her initials.
"i was thinking about getting a 6 too, but i'm glad i didn't. i can't believe we did the same thing, that's hilarious," samy looked back at her boyfriend who smiled.
"no matter where we are or how far apart we get, i'll always come back to you," will cupped her cheeks, pressing a kiss to her nose before going in to her lips.
"i love you," samy mumbled when they pulled apart again.
"i love you," will hummed and then went to grab the rest of samy's gifts. she carefully worked through them, mumbling how will didn't need to get her so much. he never listened though because his girl deserved nothing less.
she popped open a jewelry box that had small s and w pendants hanging off a little chain. "you keep bugging me how you wanted a necklace," will poked her side and the girl grinned.
"i did, thank you. i love it," she kissed his cheek. he also got her san jose clothes since she always stole his (not that will minded at all, but he wanted her to have her own too).
when they were done, the couple just sat on his bed admiring their gifts and taking in the moment together. "these were all so sweet, thank you," samy said again.
"of course. i hope you like everything," will said and she quickly nodded.
"i love it all. you're the best," she leaned forward to embrace him in a tight hug.
there was a sharp knock on the door making them pull apart in surprise even though they weren't even doing anything. luke poked his head in, "we're going out to the beach if you lovebirds aren't just."
"we'll be down in five," samy said and her brother nodded before disappearing.
"are you gonna join our polar plunging?" the girl got up from the bed to find her swimsuit.
"i think i'd like to not freeze, so i'll sit this one out," the blonde laughed.
"okay, suit yourself," samy giggled. she quickly changed, pulling pants and long sleeve shirt over for now so she didn't freeze too much.
her and will were downstairs a minute later.
"last one in loses!" jack exclaimed and rushed out the door. the others called after him, quickly following while the parents just laughed to themselves, opting to also stay inside away from the snowy day.
#will smith hockey#hughes!sister x will smith au#samy x will#samy hughes#will smith x oc#will smith imagine#boston college hockey#boston college#uofmichigan#umich hockey#will smith hockey fluff#will smith hockey 2#will smith 2#wsh2#ws6#ws2#san jose sharks#sjs#sj sharks#umich#umich soccer#umich wolverines#luke hughes#jack hughes#quinn hughes#grace smith#umich fic#umich imagine#umich blurb#bc eagles
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010. bet u wanna
pairings: paige bueckers x fem singer!reader
word count: 434
warnings: loving another while in a relationship
su's notes: happy holidays!! guess whos back... im so sorry for not updating at all ive been losing motivation but the fact that people still read this and want more pushes me to write 🥹 thank u guys for the support even if i havent been updating..
series masterlist
i bet you miss me, i bet you're reminiscing
a week later
Paige groaned, rolling around the bed with her hands on her head, pounding from another hangover.
She turned towards the open door, facing her girlfriend who had knocked twice.
"Hey, you okay?"
The blonde sniffled. "Yeah."
Amaia nodded. "Okay. I'll be outside if you need me."
"Okay, thanks."
'She would've stayed with me.' Paige thought about you for the millionth time this week.
She remembered everything that happened that night. All she could think about were the possibilities, would you have gotten back with her if she wasn't drunk? If you guys were in a better setting?
She ran her hand through her long hair, missing the feeling of your touch as she opened her TV.
The moment she opened YouTube, she immediately recognized your face from one of the recent interviews you did for your new album.
She heard your voice introducing yourself, not even realizing she had clicked on the video and placed the remote down.
"-And i'm here to do the Wired autocomplete interview!" You grinned, making Paige's face warm up.
"When does the new album come out." You said outloud as you peeled the paper off. "It's already out! Go check it out on Spotify, Apple Music or any listening platform!"
"Does-" You read your name outloud as you peeled another strip paper off. "-watch basketball? Yes! I love supporting my friend, Azzi Fudd who is on the UCONN women's basketball team and-" You stopped yourself. "And yeah!"
The blonde girl frowned, feeling the jealousy pit at the bottom of her stomach.
"Who is the song 'nonsense' about?" You chuckled, tucking a piece of hair behind your ears. "That's for me to know, and for you guys to find out." You winked and grabbed another board of questions.
Paige paused the video, rushing to type the song on the search bar and clicking the first result that popped up.
Millions of thoughts raced through her head as she listened to the lyrics. Were you seeing someone else?
She grabbed her phone from her side table and pulled up her messages with Azzi.
paige: azzi
azzi: what
paige: does she still live with you?
azzi: no hi, no how are you doing?
azzi: yes she does
paige: is she seeing someone?
azzi: not that i know of.
azzi: not that i would tell you
paige: i know i messed up, okay?
paige: i still love her.
azzi: then prove it
paige: how?
paige: she won't listen to me
azzi: cause you were drunk
azzi: obviously she wouldve thought you didnt mean it
azzi: make it up to her before its too late.
i bet you hate the way that you said goodbye and you still can't even tell me why
#paige bueckers x reader#paige bueckers#wlw#wcbb#wcbb x reader#uconn wbb#uconn women’s basketball#wnba#paige bueckers angst#paige bueckers uconn
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back in S1 I really gave the writers the benefit of the doubt, choosing to believe they weren't libs or centrists. that they didn't really think Vander collaborating with cops was good for Zaun, that they knew characters like Jinx aren't fundamentally broken and irredeemable but a result of trauma caused by systemic oppression.
I believed they knew about and understood real life systems of oppression but very cleverly and subtly told their story, trying not to spoon-feed the audience & shove political messages down anyone's throats.
but then season 2 being so rushed and fast-paced really showed me where their priorities lied, what they chose to focus on and it wasn't insightful social commentary or exploration of any character's psyche or whatnot (aside from ep 7 which was peak) - it felt like they were trying to elicit emotional responses out of the audience more than anything. Isha gets introduced and oh I'm sure they'll subvert expectations and keep her alive & give Jinx hope that she can change for the better and isn't a Jinx to the people she lov- oh nvm Isha's dead. oh Vi has a mental breakdown after betraying everything she once stood for, becoming an enforcer and subsequently falling into a depression & self-harming for possibly months, I'm sure they'll explore this inner conflict in more detail after this montage- nvm it's LITERALLY JUST THE ONE MONTAGE? ok this Maddie girl is sleeping with Caitlyn but she doesn't seem to have any logical reason or motivation to betray he- never fucking mind??? I guess there was just no reason?????
whenever I thought they'd subvert expectations, they just kept doing the most. fucking. obvious. thing. it felt like the writers were constantly really insecurely asking me "are you crying yet????🥺🥺🥺 isn't this sad omg🥺🥺😭💔💔 ARE YOU CRYING??? OMG THE ANGST🥺 TRAUMA🥺🥺🥺"
it felt like they were very trying way too hard and trying intentionally to replicate S1's organic feeling of loss, longing for "what could've been", palpable and relatable pain, empathy for fleshed-out and human characters.
and also, whenever something kinda obvious would've made SENSE, they didn't do it. e.g. Vi & Jinx reconciling in the end would've made for such a beautiful finale where the story comes full-circle, but they chose not to do that because framing their relationship as "doomed" is more tragic😔💔 I guess? despite the fact that we see them getting along like they used to and Jinx saying "I'm always with you, sis", they still make her (supposedly) stand between Vi and her happiness so they make Jinx, the suicidal character, fucking FAKE HER DEATH??
hey remember in S1 Act1 that one scene where Vi & Powder look at the skyline and Vi says "one day, this city's gonna respect us" and in that moment it feels hugely impactful and like it's setting up something important for later down the line and then NOTHING EVER COMES OF IT? by the end of S2, the former GOAT Vi is washed and a lapdog to her oppressors and Jinx is branded an irredeemable terrorist and as far as anyone knows, she died as such.
the creators/writers have always said they knew from the beginning how they wanted the story to end but I find it hard to believe this is the exact outcome they wanted. Arcane was always the story of two sisters in conflict, framed by a larger conflict between the Sister Cities. neither of those stories felt like they came to a satisfying resolution or natural conclusion. S2 abandoned the heart of the story in favor of the eponymous "Arcane" storyline and you can really tell that it made this season weaker.
what makes this all particularly upsetting to me is that I expected better of Arcane of all shows. I guess it's on me for having such high expectations but I wish season 2 hadn't been as disappointing as it was.
No actually I need to add on more to this. Arcane very unfortunately suffers the same issue that a lot of "progressive" shows suffer in Western media, where they go like "here are some real, systemic issues that exist and look at the consequences of these issues", and then either (1) forget to continue with the theme, and/or (2) don't do anything about it beyond slap on a half-hearted Band-Aid solution that never addresses it.
Caitlyn gassing civilians; lack of accessibility for Viktor which created barriers for him due to his disability; enforcers as oppressors, going hand in hand with Noxian imperialism; Jayce weaponzing hextech, and him already having killed a child because of it; not a single moment is really spent on any of these in S2. If anything, the enforcers are really flattened at the end of this season with little nuance, the complexity that shone in characters like Marcus and Grayson disappearing. Many Piltovan characters do not get even a single second of introspection as to how their actions actively contribute to the oppression of Zaun.
#arcane s2 was dumb😭#vi arcane#jinx arcane#arcane analysis#arcane season 2#arcane#sorry to the writers but you guys have to read marx#caitvi#timebomb#jayvik#long post#sorry for the rant#honestly dont understand ppl who prefer this season over s1#yeah the animation was INSANE and looked stunning#but that's genuinely the only part that was better than s1 lol be so fr#I love this show as much as the next faggot but let's be honest with ourselves here#s1 was a near 10/10#s2 was painfully mediocre it brings the whole show down imo#rewatch value tanked
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𝐈 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔, 𝐈’𝐌 𝐒𝐎𝐑𝐑𝐘 — 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐠𝐞 𝐛𝐮𝐞𝐜𝐤𝐞𝐫𝐬
𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲 — 𝐢𝐧 𝐰𝐡𝐢𝐜𝐡 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐠𝐞 𝐛𝐮𝐞𝐜𝐤𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐬𝐨 𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐥𝐲 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧 𝐬𝐡𝐞 𝐨𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐡𝐚𝐝 𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐚𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐚𝐠𝐚𝐢𝐧 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐫, 𝐬𝐡𝐞 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰𝐬 𝐬𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐮𝐜𝐤𝐞𝐝 𝐮𝐩 𝐛𝐞𝐲𝐨𝐧𝐝 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐡𝐚𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐥𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐠𝐮𝐢𝐥𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫.
𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬/𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭– 𝐧𝐨 𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐲 𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐧𝐨 𝐝𝐢𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐮𝐞 𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐬𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐮𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐚𝐟𝐚𝐫
𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭
𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭
ʳᵉᵃᵈᵉʳˢ ᵖᵒᵛ
𝟏𝟎:𝟓𝟑 𝐏𝐌. i anxiously stared at the time on my phone. it has almost been an hour and paige still hasn't shown up. tonight is my birthday, she promised she'd show up after she washed up from tonights game.
i'm looking around as my friends converse around me in my apartment. my roommates have already questioned me on the absence of my girlfriend. i wish i knew why she wasn't here either.
i enter the passcode to my phone in a hurry as i pull up her contact and type out a message.
Paige 💜🫶
hey, where are you? everyone’s asking about you... are you on your way?
i'm so sorry, babe. i can’t make it.
what?
i know, i know. I feel awful about it, but something came up the team wanted me to come celebrate tonights win with them
its my birthday paige you promised you would be here. going out with the team is suddenly more important than your girlfriends birthday?
it's not just "going out". it's to celebrate tonights win, and it's kind of a big deal. if i don't show up, it could look bad. i don't want to let them down, you have to understand.
no paige, i don’t understand. I’m standing here, surrounded by my friends, and i have to keep making excuses as to why you’re not here. do you know how embarrassing that is? to not have my own girlfriend show up to celebrate my birthday??
i'm sorry, okay? i’ll make it up to you. i’ll take you out somewhere nice tomorrow just the two of us, yeah?
no paige it’s not about “making it up.” it’s about showing up when you say you will. but you NEVER do.
that’s not fair. you know how much pressure i’m under i just want to celebrate the win, look i'll make it up to you tomorrow i promise.
paige i am so tired of this. seriously, you keep making empty promises, you get my hopes up only for you to tell me a half assed excuse that you pulled straight out of your ass last minute.
please don’t do this right now. i’ll call you after i leave.
don’t bother, we're done.
what??
read 10:56
what do you mean were done??
read 10:58
y/n answer me please baby
read 10:59
please ill do anything ill make it up to you i promise please answer my message baby
⚠︎︎ not delivered
꥟
ᵖᵃⁱᵍᵉˢ ᵖᵒᵛ
two years. 730 days. i lost her two years ago today, i lost it all. i know it was my fault, i put everything above her and i deeply regret it. now i have to live life in regret watching from the sidelines as she celebrates her birthday once again. this time, with her girlfriend.
her laugh filling the air knowing i used to be the cause of that laughter. admiring her from across the bar, sitting in between my teammates as they make conversation yet i can't bring myself to take my eyes off of her.
i scan ever inch of her body my eyes stopped on her wrist, then her fingers, then her neck. every single piece of jewelry i got her, gone. none of it in sight as if it never existed.
a hand on her thigh from a woman who was a copy of me. blonde, blue eyes, tall, and she plays soccer. but its not me. it will never be me again.
i can't even blame her, thats why i hate it. i hate that i can't hate her no matter how hard i try because in the end i will always love her and it will always be her.
even if i'm not her happy ever after. i distract myself trying to find someone new but it never ends well. i always find similarities between the girls i've gone on dates with and her. thats what attracts me to them, the fact that they slightly even look like her. but they will never compare to her full look, no one will.
so for the rest of time ill find myself watching from the sidelines seeing her take on life with someone who isn't me by her side, someone who looks like me but is not entirely me.
it will always kill me, it's going to eat me alive till i die. knowing that i'm not hers anymore, i won't be looking for her in the student section knowing shes there. instead ill be looking for her in the student section in hopes she decided to show up, but i know she didn't. she's going to be in the student section of the soccer games watching and cheering on her.
i won't be able to buy her flowers anymore, instead i watch as she gets gifted flowers by another woman. except those aren't her favorite. they're the wrong flowers.
i wont be able to buy her the perfume she always wears when it runs out, her signature scent that i always loved. instead i watch as she gets gifted perfume by another woman. she sprays it into the air and by the time it reaches where i sit i know its not the one she loves. its the wrong perfume.
i won't be making late night sephora trips, picking out her favorite makeup products when shes running low. instead i watch as she gets gifted makeup by another woman. its the wrong brand.
because of my mistakes, ones that i regret so deeply, i now live with the gnawing feeling knowing that she now loves a woman who doesn't pay attention to small details and gifts her all the wrong things, on her birthday of all days, but she showed up. i didn't.
clearly i lacked attention to detail as well if i couldn't see how much i truly disappointed and hurt her and didn't even show up. i wish it went down differently.
every shooting star, every coin toss into a fountain, every time the clock hits 11:11, every fallen eyelash, every dandelion, my last two birthdays, my only wish was to have her back.
but i cant.
not anymore.
and it hurts.
i open up my phone clicking on her contact, i type out one last message, even if i know she won't ever get it. i type it out and send it as some type of closure.
𝐢 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮, 𝐢'𝐦 𝐬𝐨𝐫𝐫𝐲.
⚠︎︎ not delivered
𝐚/𝐧 — 𝐧𝐨 𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐲 𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐢 𝐡𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐦𝐲𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐢 𝐡𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐬𝐨 𝐢𝐟 𝐢 𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐛𝐞 𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐲 𝐍𝐎 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐛𝐞 𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐲, 𝐦𝐞𝐫𝐫𝐲 𝐟𝐮𝐜𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐜𝐡𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐦𝐚𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐚 𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐲 𝐦𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐟𝐮𝐜𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐧𝐞𝐰 𝐲𝐞𝐚𝐫
𝐚𝐥𝐬𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐛𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐬𝐚𝐢𝐝, 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐮𝐩 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐝 𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐬, 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲𝐫𝐞 𝐠𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐢𝐭.
𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 —
@uwupaige @jadasogay @sweetluna20
#✯ thoughts#send anons#send anything#send me dms#send asks#send me asks#wbb#uconn wbb#ncaa wbb#writing#✯ writing#paige bueckers#paige bueckers fic#paige bueckers x reader#wlw#wlw post#wlw yearning#wlw blog#wlw love#wlw fic#fanfic#wbb x reader#wbb fanfiction#paige#bueckers#paigebueckers#pb#fanfiction#no happy ending#wlw community
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Jaehyun dad!au drabble
Warnings: reader jae and their daughter being cute. SMUT. MINORS DNI
A/N: this is my first time writing cause I decided to participate on the secret santa event made by the amazing @leejenowrld and I got to write for @jaem4eva , hope you like it and I'm sorry? Also english is not my first language so there might have grammatical errors
The kitchen is chaotic. There’s flour everywhere, eggshells on the floor, chocolate powder all over the counter and your cat is trying to drink milk straight from the bottle.
But you and your daughter are having so much fun.
“Mommy, when will the cookies be ready?”. Your 4 years old daughter asks you while sitting on the floor in front of the stove.
“Blink and you'll miss it”, you crouch down and bump her little nose. “Now let's help mommy clean the kitchen”.
She promptly got up to help you, and that was the second part of the fun. You absolutely love to spend time with your baby girl, relishing on how smart and beautiful she is. Astonished about how she's a perfect mix of her parents.
“Mommy! Mommy! Cookies are ready!”. Your daughter caughts your attention and runs towards the stove.
“Be careful, it's too hot”, you warn and she stops, waiting for you to open the oven. You grab the gloves and carefully take the tray out, pulling in the counter away from your daughter's hands so she won't get burned.
“Hope daddy likes the cookies”, she said dreamy.
“He will love it darling”.
It's December 23rd and with your husband Jaehyun at work, your daughter had the idea of baking cookies and making a surprise for her father.
You just finished decorating the cookies when you hear the door opening. Your daughter runs straight to it, calling for her dad. Jaehyun automatically picks her up and hugs her, with a bright, albeit tired smile on his face.
“Daddy, we made a surprise for you! Close your eyes!”, she puts her small hands in front of his eyes.
Jaehyun exaggeratedly stumbles with her in his arms making her throw her head back laughing. You cherish this view, smiling fondly. They reach you, your daughter runs back to the counter while he greets you with a quick kiss.
“Ta daaaa”, the little girl shows the cookies happily.
“It's so beautiful and it looks delicious.” he praised her. “You did all of it?”
“Yesss me and mommy”, she looks so proud and it makes you even more proud of her.
“Good job”, he messes her hair, going to grab one, taking a bite. “Hmm the cookie is so good, that's my girl”, his big hand met her small one in a high five.
The three of you eat the cookies in the kitchen. After, Jaehyun went to take a shower while you and your daughter waits comfortably on the couch, with 3 cups of hot chocolate on the living room table. When he comes back, you play games sitting on the floor for hours.
Your daughter is so electric, talking nonstop about how much fun Christmas night will be since she's going to spend it with her grandparents. Your grandmother is sick and she wanted the whole family with her in her house for the Christmas party. So you, your daughter, Jaehyun and his close family will also grant your grandma’s wish. And your little girl is more than happy with that.
When she yawned, you noticed it was her sleep time. You and your husband asked her to help pull away her toys. Despite whining and complaining she wasn't sleepy, her fluttering eyes told otherwise.
Jaehyun puts her to sleep while you finish tidying up the living room. You're so distracted you got startled when you felt arms wrapping around your waist and a deep low voice in your ear.
“Now it's just you and me baby”.
You turn around in his arms, your hands going to the hair on his nape. “And what do you suggest we do?” You ask provocatively.
“We're going upstairs to our bedroom and I'll give you an early gift that only I can”, he had that smirk when he knows he's getting what he wants. And he's about to.
At your shared bedroom, Jaehyun grabs your waist pulling his lips on yours in a passionate kiss. His hands going under your shirt and then grabbing the hem to remove it. You both slowly undress each other, the clothes scattered randomly around the room.
Jaehyun lays you on the bed, his body comfortably on top of yours as the kiss turns hungrier. His hands explore your body even though he has done it so many times. He runs his fingers through your inner thighs agonizingly slowly making you squirm and whimper.
“Patience sweetheart”, he tuts, taking his time to reach your heat and when he does you let out the longest moan.
He parts your lips and runs his finger up and down before inserting his index finger inside you, pumping slowly before adding his middle finger in.
The room is dark, only the moon illuminates the place giving an intimate and sensual atmosphere.
“You're so wet baby, all for me”, he whispers in your ear and you moan out loud. When he starts to pick up the pace, he stops and withdraws his finger. You whine, hating how empty you feel.
“Patience”, he repeats, but this time strictly, emphasizing the syllables. Jaehyun kiss you hard, tongue fighting with yours, lips red after he pulls away to spread kisses on your neck, nibbling and sucking the area making you almost rip his hair off.
He went down to your nipples, sucking one bud while squeezing the other, then inverting. His head reaches where you wanted him the most. He kisses your cunt before diving his tongue on your folds. You put your legs over his shoulder and arch your back. You feel your high approaching with how good he was sucking your clit, and he noticed it, he knows your body by heart. Moans and his name were the only things coming out of your mouth as you came.
Jaehyun soothes you, giving small kisses all over your face as you come down from your high, his chin still wet.
“You did so good honey”, he whispers softly in your neck, a contrast from his previous actions.
“Fuck me please”, you managed to whisper.
He groaned, grabbing the base of his cock lining up in your entrance. You moan as he bottoms out. Your walls so tight around him, you've been together for so many years but you still struggle to take him.
Jaehyun thrusts slow but hard, so deep you feel him in your guts. His hands holding your hips so tight it will leave marks the next morning.
“You're doing so good baby, you're perfect”, he praises you. You push him down and kiss him messy and hurriedly.
“Oh god you're so big” you whine after he thrusted too hard, hitting the right spot.
He holds both your hands on the mattress as he picks up the pace. You feel that familiar sensation in the pit of your stomach and screams his name so loud he has to kiss you to swallow your moans. He rubs your clit and in a matter of seconds you're coming again. Jaehyun comes right after with a deep groan.
“I love you”, he says out of breath.
“I love you too”.
You both stay cuddled until he carefully pulls out of you and gets up to grab a towel to clean you up.
Now you're lying on his chest, his arms around you and your legs intertwined.
“Do we really have to go to your grandma’s house tomorrow? I want to do this again and stay like this”, he complained.
“It's just for Christmas night, cmon”, you replied lighthearted. Your family loves him and he adores them, even both of your families get along.
“I know I know, I like to hang out with your family but I’d rather stay with you”, you giggle and kiss his pouting lips.
“We have the rest of our lives for that”, you kiss him deeply, your love for him overflowing.
You feel like the happiest woman in the world. You have the sweetest daughter, your reason to live, the little person you love the most. You have an incredible husband who moves worlds for you. And you wouldn't have it any other way.
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I want to be eaten by worms and grubs instead of fungus. If I'm consumed by fungus it will probably be mold, and might not have the palate to appreciate my corpse.
Mycology is an incredibly diverse and complex field. Sadly I am not well versed in it, and not qualified to answer questions about mushroom genetics. Unfortunately I also do not have strong beliefs about the innate transitive power of animal consumption. I don't think animals or humans have any innate transformations, beyond the normal processes of digestion, caused by eating other living things.
The idea is beautiful though. What if we really did carry with us everything in the world we consumed? In a broad metaphorical sense we do of course, because we eat things to get the chemicals that physically build our body and literally transmit our thoughts. That doesn't happen because a molecule of sodium doesn't carry memories, unless you develop a purely speculative and scientifically unsupportable notion that molecules in animals somehow become quantumly entangled, but that still breaks down because that's not really what quantum entanglement does anyway. So, it can't happen, but imagining it is pretty for the most part. I'm philosophically prejudiced against the idea of cannibalism generally conferring special transfer of power or memories, because that comes from like some really specific stuff that I don't know enough about to dig into. And aside from all that, I think cannibalism as upper class elitism is less interesting than cannibalism as the hunger of disenfranchised groups.
However, I know a lot of people that would give human flesh a taste if offered, so I would let people eat however much of me they can, safely and / or legally. If I can do nice things for my friends, I enjoy doing it, even if I'm dead at the time.
My comfort in death is actually identical to my fear. I'll cease to exist. No more me, forever. No afterlife, no memories traveling through space. I mean, people will have some of me as memories, but the person I am contained unto myself is gone. I wish I could see more than whatever my lifetime will be. I would take immortality in an instant, just to see what happens.
But when I'm gone, I'm gone. And that also means everything in my head that I wish wasn't there goes with me, which is a relief as well. No more depression, no anxiety, no worries, no fears, no struggle. It will be quiet. That's comforting. I'd like as much of the noise as I can ever have, don't get it twisted, but the idea of that quiet makes me happy, like one day I'll be done.
It would be cool if my body ends up somewhere that grows lichen, because I want people to make jokes about it when I'm dead. People standing over my grave marker or whatever going "I guess she took A LIKIN' to this spot" is the kind of thing I would enjoy happening after I'm dead. I wish I could die a comedic death. Nothing would be better than to go out with people laughing uproariously at my ridiculous passing.
Anyway, does anyone reading this know about mushroom decomposition efficiency, or general fungus decomposition efficiency? What's up with that?
The idea that fungus experiences true sentient thought, but in a way that the rest of us cannot understand, is a kind of comfort to the inevitability of death and rot, to know that what consumes our corpse may in someway carry a memory onward with it.
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