#I'm so glad im out

[sigynsilica]

So I've been tagging a few of my posts as an exvangelical. I feel I need to elaborate on that. I'm an ex-messianic "Jew" and in this essay I will explain what I find problematic about the very movement I grew up in.

Christians are polytheistic.

There's no two ways about it, and that isn't a bad thing. The bad thing is that Christians chronically put down polytheists for being heathens and heretics while worshipping three separate (but also not separate I promise) entities at the same time.

Let me elaborate. Christians believe that their deity is a three-in-one package deal. They worship God the father, who is the Big God who created the universe and typically is the one just referred to as "God," Jesus the son, who came to earth and was tortured to death as a living sacrifice, and the Holy Spirit/Ghost, who is mainly responsible for personal conviction, and has the ability to grant human beings supernatural gifts like prophecy or speaking other languages.

These are three separate entities, but also the same entity. I've heard it explained by saying that your arm is not you, but it is a part of you, in the same way that Jesus is not God, but he is a part of God. If that makes any sense. Most of the time when I ask Christians about the three-in-one unit known as the Trinity, they say it isn't supposed to make logical sense, but it's true, and you're to take it on faith.

Now that would be fine and dandy, if they didn't insist they weren't polytheistic. But they are, and they do. Throughout many religions, there are many deities that have this multiple-but-also-singular phenomenon, like the Norns in Norse mythology, or even arguably Cerberus.

Here's where the problem comes in.

Many Christians believe that it is okay for them to both worship Jesus, and dabble their toes into Jewish tradition and culture.

Judaism is monotheistic. That means that a polytheistic worldview is completely incompatible with their own worldview. It doesn't mean Jewish people can't be friends with Christians, but it does mean their separate religions are dynamically opposed. If you pray to Jesus, sing worship songs to Jesus, ask Jesus for help in times of trouble, you are not worshipping the same God the Jews are when you're doing that.

Jesus was a Jewish man. That doesn't make you Jewish for worshipping him, and it doesn't make you Jewish for worshipping in a way that you think he worshipped like. You, as a Christian, have no claim to Jewish tradition or culture.

There are more reasons than just that by which Judaism and Christianity differ, and many Christians pull random information about Jews and what they believe out of their butt and sell it as objective fact to make themselves feel better about themselves and closer to who they believe is one of their gods. For instance, I was taught it's the Jewish tradition to hold a funeral for your child if they convert to Christianity. Baloney, hogwash, and ick. Many Christians are taught that Jews believe they are saved from Hell by their works. Well let me clue you in on something... A lot of Jews don't even believe in Hell.

Anyway, my parents first got into Messianic "Judaism" (I'm going to keep putting the quotation marks there because my parents aren't Jews, they never have been, they don't claim to be, and for the most part, they won't admit this, but they're definitely still Baptists at heart) through the celebration of Passover, or Pesach. They believed that they were commanded in Scriptures to hold a Passover Seder for themselves if they wanted to do the will of God.

Here's the thing though. The very first time Passover is mentioned in the Torah (which is the first five books of Moses and the Jewish rulebook) it's stated very explicitly that you have to be Jewish to celebrate it. Well, it says you have to be circumcised, but given that there are Jews who cannot be circumcised, and there are non-Jews who are circumcised anyway, it's most definitely referring to a belief in Judaism. You've got to be Jewish to celebrate Passover.

I bring this up to illustrate that Passover in particular, and Judaism as a whole, is what we in the Pagan community would refer to as a "closed practice". That means that if you are not Jewish, you can't do the Jewish thing. It's disrespectful and rude to claim the Jewish stuff for yourself while not being Jewish.

The way it's been explained to me by a Jewish friend is that the main problem comes in a misunderstanding of the word "chosen". Yes, the Jews are God's chosen people... But that doesn't mean they're his favorites. Chosen, in this context, is referring to the way the Jewish people believe that God selected them in particular to do his commandments. It's an honor, but it isn't for everyone, and you can't become a chosen one just by doing the commandments. It's like if my dad told me to do the dishes, I am the chosen one. I am not my dad's favorite. If I wanted to honor my dad, I would do the dishes when he told me to do them. If my sister does the dishes, that doesn't make her the one my dad chose to do the dishes. She just did my job for me.

Obviously it's more complicated than that when a non-Jew decides they're allowed to do the commandments detailed in the Torah without actually converting to Judaism. It's way more problematic because in the Jewish perspective (at least from what I understand, if there are Jews out there reading this pls pls correct me if I'm wrong) y'all have your own chores to be doing. Non-Jews serve a purpose in God's world, which is why it's completely okay for you guys to not keep the laws. In fact, I know there's allowances in the Talmud that say you can sell unkosher food to non-Jews, because there's not a single problem with you eating it. Most Jews don't think people are morally wrong for eating pork, for instance. It's just something they've been asked not to do.

In my house growing up, we weren't allowed to scream unless we were in immediate danger. That doesn't make screaming inherently morally wrong. It means my mom has sensory issues and so she told us not to scream. If a kid screamed for no reason at the playground, we wouldn't have looked at him like they'd murdered someone, nor would we assume they were in immediate danger, because we all understood it was just our parents who'd told us not to scream.

It's just the Jewish people who've been told by their God to adhere to the Jewish tradition.

Just read the Wikipedia article on Messianic Judaism. Y'all aren't Jewish. Judaism is so fundementally different from Christianity that you can't just duct tape Jesus to Judaism and call it good. It doesn't work that way. You've completely misunderstood the very nature of Judaism.

And this is totally beside the fact that historically, it was the Christians who've been hurting the Jewish community for the very traditions you're now trying to edge your way into. Maybe not you personally, but I don't blame the Jewish community for being extremely wary when non-Jews start reaching for their traditions.

The both of you guys sharing half a Bible does not equate to you believing the same thing.

Furthermore, I've recently been introduced to the concept of philo-semitism. I'm by no means an expert on this phenomenon, but I'll do my best to explain it. It's a certain style of anti-Semitism that places Jews up on a pedestal and glorifies them as The Chosen People Of God (misunderstanding that word Chosen again) and claims they are doing Everything Right because that's what God told them to do.

To me this has the same vibes as saying that pre-colonization people were perfect angels who did no wrong and it was the White Guys who came in and ruined everything and brought evil into the world Pandora's box style.

The belief that a certain ethnic group is inherently better is racism. It's not the systemic racism we know and hate in it's form in the modern day, but it's very closely linked, and the people it hurts the most may not be who you think it is. If you're claiming that first-nation people can do no wrong, you're taking away their humanity. You're claiming that they aren't people, because People Do Bad Stuff. All the fricking time. It's what makes us human.

So to believe that the Jewish people are inherently better because of their Jewishness? That is a racist belief. Don't try to be like the Jewish people because you think they're spiritually superior to you. That's a racist ideology. There are practicing Jews out there who are Bad People. That's because they're humans, and some humans are just really crappy humans. Their Judaism does not inherently make them a good person in the same way that Christian faith does not make someone a good person.

And if you act on those racist beliefs by celebrating a holiday that was never yours to celebrate, you are doing racist things. The very last thing Jewish people need is for the religion that's been responsible for so many years of oppression and pain to swallow them whole, until people don't even remember that Passover is for the Jews, and the Jews only.

So yes. No matter what they say, my parents are still evangelical Christians. They raised me to be—you guessed it—an evangelical Christian. This is why I refer to myself as an exvangelical, and not ex-jewish, even though I may talk about not going home for Sukkot instead of not going home for Christmas.

[perrieedwards]

i feel like people are skimming over the uk riots in a way that makes me want to tear my hair out. muslims in the uk are in active danger. immigrants in the uk are in active danger. refugees in the uk are in active danger. people of colour in the uk are in active danger. asian communities in the uk are in active danger. black communities in the uk are in active danger.

there are massive far right riots throughout the country right now and people like fucking elon musk and nigel farage are inciting it and still have a platform to speak. people have used three young girls deaths, people's genuine grief in southport, to try and gain traction for their own racist bullshit and it's working.

a lot of refugee charities have been forced to close leaving many people without support, homes, funding, food, etc. if you aren't able to donate please consider sending a message via the conversation over borders campaign! it will send a hopeful, welcoming letter to a refugee in the uk. there is also a guide to staying safe here.

please do your own research and donate to refugee charities, anti-islamophobia charities, mosques who are trying to rebuild after being destroyed, counter protesters, here are some i've heard positive things about but the list is extensive; southport strong together (support for the southport victims and their families), southport mosque rebuilding, riot repair fund, middlesbrough vulnerable residents, nasir mosque rebuilding, hull help for refugees, bristol welcomes migrants,

[soosoosoup]

snowzone

[lilybug-02]

Bribed with Chocolate. The way it should be.

Part 22 || First || Previous || Next

--Full Series--

More to come as this is a two-parter. But you know how I am with schedules.

Bonus:

I think this was an equally possible reaction from Chara.

[bacchuschucklefuck]

dreaming abt sophomore year class swap bard!riz

[maractean]

critter makes a friend!! @catmask

[meownotgood]

I received my selfship comm of me and aki.... ive been admiring it all this weekend and slowly allowing it to heal me.............. gahhhhhahhhh

[catlover4536]

I am once again here to remind y'all that I love them.

[tangledinink]

I'm Sorry, Teenage Mutant What Now? Donatello Ref Sheet!

Yayyy, now he has a proper, actual reference sheet! Also reflects a few tweaks I've made to his design since the first original pass at it. Rest of the gang forthcoming.

(also, just for fun, donnie w/o his twists--)

[sollucets]

favorite characters x favorite color: yok

[cenvast]

Kabru/Toshiro: A DunMeshi Ship Analysis

Kabshiro has been gaining more traction recently, so I'd like to dive into their canon dynamic and how a relationship between them could progress and benefit them both in the long run!

In my opinion, the main draws of this ship are:

Communication: Kabru's ability and willingness to identify and engage with Toshiro's true feelings and motives, Toshiro's consequential willingness to express himself to Kabru, and vice versa

Trust: The almost immediate trust they place in each other, despite their reservations

Canon Friendship: How naturally yet rapidly their canonical friendship develops, especially considering their characters (read as: their intimacy issues)

Growth: The potential for a) Toshiro to grow as a person by trying to be more expressive and caring towards someone who cares for him and b) Kabru to experience reciprocal effort and care from someone else when he's used to caring for everyone else

Bonus: I love to see queer men of color in love <3

1. Communication

Kabru is the character with the fastest and most accurate read on Toshiro's feelings and motives. This means little on its own, considering Kabru's skill is assessing people and giving them what they want as a means to his own ends. Initially, Kabru engages with Toshiro essentially to reach Laios. He hears Toshiro's retainers discuss Toshiro's love for "that girl from the North" and recognizes that if he offers to help Toshiro rescue Falin, he can get to Laios. As he does with most people, Kabru identifies Toshiro's goals and uses this knowledge to propel himself towards his own goals.

During Laios and Toshiro's conflict over ancient magic, Kabru again steps in. He de-escalates a situation where Toshiro quite literally has his tachi against Laios' neck by acknowledging Toshiro's concerns regarding ancient magic and reminding him of his actual priority: Falin. While his dialogue sounds harsh, Kabru still validates Toshiro's worries. His acknowledgement and engagement with Toshiro's actual feelings isn't something that Toshiro often experiences. In part, this is because Toshiro doesn't express himself, but we'll get into this more later.

From Kabru's perspective, reading and responding to Toshiro effectively is reflective of his usual habits and strengths. But their respective reactions to Kabru's de-escalation exchange remain notable. Toshiro tells Kabru to not finish his statement — the first glimmer we receive into Toshiro openly expressing himself to Kabru at a greater level than he does with other characters. Kabru immediately switches to looking relieved and sympathetic. He apologizes to and comforts Toshiro, establishing a foundation of genuine care and consideration between them.

2. Trust

After they leave the Dungeon following the first Faligon fight, Toshiro asks Kabru to go with him to the governor's house. Despite their only recent acquaintance, Toshiro expresses a need he has to Kabru, even if it's not a very personal one, and he trusts Kabru enough to rely on him in a high-stakes situation. (As a sidenote, Kabru telling Toshiro to "Please get some rest" is a sweet moment, considering both of their fraught relationships with self-care.)

Kabru trusts Toshiro in return. We as the readers don't learn about Kabru's backstory and how it drives his actions because he tells his own party or Laios. We learn about his past because he tells Toshiro.

Kabru addresses Toshiro by name before he recounts the death of his family and his haunting questions surrounding it. When he turns back to face Toshiro, he looks visibly determined and quietly enraged at the injustices he's experienced in his life for the first time during the narrative. Kabru does share his story to convince Toshiro of his position, but his straightforward, vulnerable delivery of his story and the emotions he has surrounding it speaks volumes towards the trust he has in Toshiro. He believes Toshiro will see him and stand by him.

Also, prior to Kabru sharing his backstory, Toshiro questions his motives multiple times. While Toshiro also questions Laios' actions, Toshiro feels comfortable enough to communicate with Kabru even when they might disagree and he isn't under duress.

Within the first few days of knowing each other, Kabru has witnessed Toshiro at some of his lowest points: passing out due to hunger and sleep deprivation and fighting Laios. Because Kabru has already seen him at his lowest and hasn't treated him worse because of it, Toshiro seems more comfortable engaging with Kabru than with many other characters. Toshiro's attempt to throw the companion bell away is a funny moment, but it also demonstrates how he's fine with acting impulsively in front of Kabru; he doesn't hold back as much as usual. He's likely also realized that Kabru can see past his reserved front.

After they speak to the Canaries, Kabru asks Toshiro to help him seal the Dungeon. Although Toshiro had originally planned to go back to Wa, he agrees to help Kabru. Compared to their initial meeting where Kabru was only using Toshiro to get to Laios, Kabru seems to genuinely want Toshiro and Namari on his side, telling them, "I'm counting on you." Both his request for Toshiro's help and his easy agreement demonstrate a surprising level of trust for how long they've known each other.

3. Canon Friendship

Neither Kabru nor Toshiro regularly open up to the people in their lives. We get the heart-to-heart between Toshiro and Laios after their fight, but other than that, Kabru and Toshiro are not very emotionally open even with people they've known since childhood like Rin and Hien. Kabru maintains his charismatic facade around Rin, and Toshiro has distanced himself from Hien in their adulthood. Because both of them struggle with being vulnerable, their friendship becomes close interestingly fast.

Beyond feeling comfortable around each other for the previously stated reasons, I'd suggest that the ease they feel around each other partially arises from their shared identity as Asian men and immigrants to the Island (Note: I read Kabru as South Asian). As a queer Asian man myself, there's sometimes an immediate sense of ease between people whose identities and experiences overlap.

Before they ever meet, Kabru explains Toshiro's background to his party. He opens with Toshiro's outsider status, drawing the reader's attention to the parallel between Toshiro being an outsider in his household and Kabru being an outsider as a tallman who was raised by elves. In this scene, Toshiro is also the only member of the Touden party whose motives Kabru ponders aloud. With Laios and Falin, Kabru simply declares them "not good people." Considering Kabru is intrigued by people he doesn't immediately understand, it's not difficult to assume that though Kabru approached Toshiro because of Laios, he was also interested in Toshiro as an individual.

After they join forces, Kabru and Toshiro frequently appear together in the story. The evolution of their dynamic can be seen through the mangacaps below. Initially, despite their trust in each other, they're still a little suspicious of each other. As time progresses, they develop a language of silent glances and casual touch. We often see them standing beside each other and exchanging looks after Laios speaks. Considering how Toshiro doesn't often voice his negative opinions and Kabru makes an effort to curtail his negative reactions around Laios, the fact that they've both taken to expressing silent concern for Laios to each other shows that they've reached a significant level of intimacy in just a week or two.

Since they're both men of color and Kabru is one of the only characters who doesn't call Toshiro "Shuro," they've likely discussed Laios' microaggressions towards Toshiro and bonded over how they find his sillier behavior of eating monsters disturbing. They also both care for him as a friend, so Laios remains another point of connection for them.

At the banquet, they sit beside each other, and when Falin revives, Kabru comforts Toshiro via a hand on his shoulder. The canonical affection between them is easy to track and consistent by the story's close.

4. Growth

As stated by @malaierba in their platonic kabshiro post, Kabru and Toshiro share narrative parallels like being raised by surrogate mothers, over-analyzing social situations, attempting to act in others' best interests at the cost of their own, and being terrible at basic self-care (I'm also realizing we both touched on the de-escalation and Kabru backstory scenes, lol). Both characters are actually extremely similar in the way they conceptualize themselves.

Kabru and Toshiro both avoid offending others by suppressing their discomfort. This behavior is deeply rooted in their backstories and their identities as people of color and immigrants. When you're the outsider, you don't have the luxury of acting as you please. Society expects you to keep your head down and not "cause a fuss."

They both fear selfishness. Kabru is the archetypal sacrificial hero; his goal is equality between the races and minimizing mass death no matter the personal cost to himself. On a much smaller scale, Toshiro tries not to burden others. They both forgo intimate relationships and falsify parts of themselves to accommodate others. Their willingness to minimize themselves for others' sake leads to them to not even canonically care for themselves and becomes a form of passive self-harm.

Toshiro doesn't eat or sleep during his rescue of Falin in what seems like a self-inflicted punishment for failing to protect her and save her. He seems to believe that he's only useful for what he can do and in particular, do for others. He seems to struggle to define himself outside of how he's overshadowed and overlooked by his charismatic father. Toshiro's arc is about learning to identify his own needs and wants, pursue those things, and express himself.

Because of how charismatic Kabru is, Kabru appears to have a secure sense of self, but I'd argue that he falls into the same trap as Toshiro. When Laios becomes the Dungeon Lord and seems to be ending the world, Kabru blames himself, saying, "What purpose does my surviving Utaya's tragedy have?" and "Please just kill me right now." Kabru hasn't ever established what he wants for himself outside of what he can do for others, just like Toshiro. While Kabru is far more active than Toshiro and his goals are more heroic, his arc is similarly about identifying his own needs and wants and expressing them as demonstrated by his confession that he wants to be Laios' friend.

Like Toshiro, Kabru is disconnected from his desires because he doesn't see himself as worth prioritizing over the greater good. He fails to regularly eat and clean his living space.

Kabru and Toshiro's friendship challenges both their negative habits of self-perception. Unlike with Laios, Toshiro wasn't quite as pivotal to Kabru's goal, so their relationship develops without as much pressure. Because of the extreme circumstances of their first meeting and their compatibility, they express their true feelings towards each other nearly from the onset, and by the banquet, they seem to hang around each other just for the joy of the other's company. When their friendship extends into a romantic/sexual relationship, they get to knock down yet another barrier to pursuing what and who they want simply because they want to.

In addition, because Kabru is the first person to care about Toshiro in a way that doesn't infringe on his boundaries, Toshiro would hopefully be motivated to become an active participant in their relationship. His efforts to be more emotionally open in order to support and care for Kabru would help him overcome his fatal flaws of passivity, especially in interpersonal communication, and walling himself off from others. But most importantly, Kabru would receive the same amount of care he invests in learning about and accommodating other people from someone else.

Toshiro is also an observant person. He's good at mapping out social situations to avoid conflict, and he is empathetic. With a little encouragement, he could easily turn skills he's used to pouring into his defense mechanisms towards actually reading his loved ones and engaging with their emotions and needs. If Toshiro was consistently clocking Kabru's actual reactions to things and trying to address his desires, Kabru would realize that he doesn't have to play a part all the time. He would learn to be more authentic and vulnerable in his relationships.

Notably, Rin does support Kabru, but he doesn't really accept her love or act vulnerable around her for a multitude of reasons. This is probably a good time to note that Kabru and Toshiro are both sexist. I want to believe that a healthy relationship between them would encourage them to mature without demanding emotional labor from the women in their lives, and by proxy, improve their relationships with Rin, Hien, and the other female characters. Personally, I really enjoy the idea of Kabru, Toshiro, Rin, and Namari getting close and bonding over being Asian.

5. Bonus

Because their identities as Asian men and immigrants impact their characters, their relationship has a unique type of intimacy. On a societal level, there isn't a lot of media about two characters of color in love. It's even rarer to see two queer characters of color in love in Western media (or Asian media like DunMeshi with an ethnically diverse cast) as oftentimes, the West falsely equates queerness to whiteness. I consider Kabshiro to be my personal contribution to making queer Asian characters kiss and decentering that white man /hj. I'd love to see more Kabshiro content!

Overall, I just think it's beautiful that these two characters who've resigned themselves to loneliness in completely opposite ways can overcome their intimacy issues to trust and care about each other. I like that being together is easy for them in many ways, but unlearning their habits of constantly putting on a front and rejecting vulnerability or not putting effort into relationships out of preemptive fear of failure still takes work. I like that their relationship is an intentional one where love takes effort, but the effort is part of the love.

₍ᐢ. .ᐢ₎ ₊˚⊹♡

If you read this entire meta, thank you so much, and please feel free to reblog and/or send me an ask with your Kabshiro thoughts! As a shameless plug, you might enjoy my canon-compliant Kabshiro fanfiction that spans from the banquet to a few months post-canon. There's both an explicit version and a version with fade-to-black sex scenes. You can expect:

Kabru and Toshiro's silly friends-with-benefits era

A resolution for Toshiro's feelings for Falin, lol

Toshiro's difficult relationship with food

Kabru trying to 5D-chess everything, and Toshiro overthinking and catastrophizing <3

Kabru, Toshiro, and Laios being friends! They are silly and well-meaning and do their best to support each other

Kabru and Toshiro unpacking Laios' racism

Extremely homosexual moments of tenderness

Kabru, Rin, and Toshiro trio and Namari and Toshiro duo friendship tidbits

Kabru and Marcille becoming friends and bonding over gossip

Angst with a happy ending and more!

[risoria]

hello, i am back with updated commission info! i'm doing portrait commissions for Palestine - 100% of the proceeds go towards Palestine (care for gaza, pcrf and individual gofundmes), and they're prized at 15, 25 and 35 €/$ each, but again feel free to donate more if you feel like you are able! payment is via paypal, @ strisoria. EDIT 1/6: Going forward I will also be donating to the Khartoum Kitchen Aid which feeds families in need in Sudan.

i've included examples below, it's sometimes a little hard doing the distinction between the "tiers" but what it comes down to is basically amount of detail/refinement and time spent. the 15 €/$ are the sketchier or "monochrome" style, the 25 €/$ is more rendered/coloured.

EDIT: i am very much open for OC's and fandoms that are unfamiliar to me. i have also done some fullbody commissions for a higher price of course, since they take a lot longer - if you're interested, just ask! :) thank you for reading! 🕊️🇵🇸

[plant-ago]

An Open Letter to Dan and Phil

Dear beloved nerds,

This was originally going to be an (even longer) actual letter that I was going to give to you at the tour, but my nonprofit-employed ass can’t afford a meet and greet, so we’re doing this instead. I promise it’s not just trauma dumping— mostly, it’s about saying thank you and trying to cultivate some hope for all of us.

I’ve been a big fan since around 2014, when I was a mentally ill neurotic deeply repressed loner egg (average phannie, let's be honest). Now I’m a whole adult who got therapy and HRT and has joined the legions of transmascs with the Dan Howell haircut! What a legacy.

I’m making jokes because the thing I actually want to talk about, and the reason I decided to make this an open letter, is kind of serious. But in light of the election, I feel like I need to share this, both with you and with all the other queers in this little corner of the internet.

Here’s the gist: I’m a paralegal at a non-profit organization that works to help queer migrants get asylum. Mostly what I do is sit them down in our nasty sterile office and try to be kind, and help them get through telling me all the most terrible things that have happened to them, and then turn around and pare it all down into legalese that is digestible to the government to make the case they should get asylum.

It’s a horrible job, really, and one that shouldn’t have to exist. Some parts are plainly wonderful, like meeting so many queer people from all walks of life. But it’s also heartrending and difficult, and burnout is always looming. My horrible banal work is often literally a matter of life and death for the client, and I’m fighting a broken system for a chance at giving them the happiness and safety is owed to them by international law and, really, by any decent human standard, should never have been in question.

The thing is—and this is reason to hope—queer people really do exist everywhere, no matter how much repression and violence we face. In a tiny village in Colombia, there's a kid who’s all spit and vinegar, dresses like a boy and plays football and fights anyone who says that they can’t, who grows up wiry and gets black eyes because men still can’t handle getting their asses handed to them on the soccer field by a dyke. This client texts me at my work number sometimes to ask if I’ve eaten that day, because they wanted to check in on me. He asked me to call him by a boy’s name, recently. I don’t know that he’s told anyone else. I open every message I send him with "Hola, James."

Then there’s the sweet, babyfaced college freshman who got death threats when he was outed to his classmates back home, and whose parents kicked him out when he refused to marry a girl to protect the family's reputation, leaving him alone in a foreign country. He was couch surfing and just trying not to miss class so he could keep his student status and he was so conscientious I wanted to cry— he’s eighteen, guys. Eighteen. I’ll get him his papers or so help me fucking God I will kill for him. You know? You know. After that meeting I had to sit at my desk with my notebook and fill an entire blank page with the phrase “he’s just a kid,” over and over again, until I felt like I could breathe.

On a Friday morning recently I get up and open my laptop to interpret on a call with a soft-spoken older trans woman who's sat in the bleak phone room of the ICE detention facility because her immigration judge didn’t believe that she was really transgender. “An odor of mendacity pervades everything the respondent says,” the judge wrote in her ruling, where she determined the client wasn't "credible." To this day I’m still floored that she straight up ripped off Tennessee Williams—new frontiers in bigotry, truly. She didn’t even cite. In our meeting now, the client quietly tells us how hard it was when she came out but how happy she was the first time she wore makeup, and she'd rather stay in detention here for indeterminate years as proceedings spiral on than go back to Guatemala, where they'll kill her—boys, if I ever get within spitting distance of this fuckass judge, it is on SIGHT. Absolutely fucking ON SIGHT. For legal purposes, that was a JOKE.

So I finish the call and get up to get a snack. It’s only ten am but feel tired already because I’m angry, which is not unusual but also not something I want to hold onto, because it doesn't help anything. So I make some toast and look at my phone— two texts, which I ignore, a spam email, and, wouldn't you know it, a YouTube notification from Dan and Phil games! Jarring! That’s just sort of how life is though, isn’t it? Deathly serious and lighthearted in the same breath.

But regardless, seeing the notification makes me feel warm, so I have my toast and watch a little video of you two playing Roblox or dress up or whatever it is you do on that channel these days. I have a good giggle and I finish my toast and go back to my desk. It’s a crucial part of my diet really— the giggles, not the toast. I’m not angry anymore. I’ll be angry again, but for now my cortisol levels are manageable and I can put my head back into emails or whatever the fuck. Do you ever think about how plants make food for free out of sunlight but we sit around writing emails all day? And that’s if we’re lucky. Capitalism is hell.

Anyway, there is a point I am trying to make, and it’s not really about the banal horrors of neoliberal nation-state or capitalism or even homophobia. It’s to say thank you for coming back to make silly videos together, because I love them, and you never fail to make me happy. And yeah, maybe something about the story of that scared eighteen-year-old kid at the front of my mind makes it particularly sweet to watch you two goofing off and being openly queer. It reminds me why I’m doing what I’m doing, and it gives me the strength to send another fucking email because sometimes doing “important work that I value and believe in deeply” means having to send another fucking email. And sometimes I’ll rewatch your older videos, and then come back to the more recent ones, and my heart bruises, because you remind me what I’m fighting for and why. It’s nothing grandiose, it’s just— for queer people to get to have the ability to grow into themselves and be outrageous and silly and make mistakes and to love and be loved for who they are. To have the safety and support and security that no one should ever go without. That’s all.

So I am being dead serious when I say thank you for making top-tier light entertainment, and for coming back to a job that wasn’t always kind to you, and that it does actually matter. All this talk about terrible influences and legacies has made me think that sometimes you doubt whether you do good in the world, so let me be clear: you really, really do. I kind of get the sense that in order to accept sincerity Dan needs to be beat over the head with it, so if that’s the case, consider yourself coerced, you dickhead. You matter to me, and especially in times like these, I think I speak for all of us when I say that the joy you share is a precious and treasured gift. So please accept my gratitude in return.

All my love,

Jules

(I removed or changed all identifying information in this letter to protect privacy, but the stories are real).

[quick-catton]

i just want to say that these two have been on my mind literally all of january. the thought of the debauchery they would indulge in. bobby and his pretty boygirlfriend. using him as a decoy in robberies, his cute lil thing an easy distraction while he takes what he needs, allowing them both to easily slip away. getting to show off his pretty baby in clubs, having a sweet little thing as his passenger princess during long drives through the dessert. a doll for him to dress up and have hanging off his arm wherever they go. anyway <3

[simptasia]

LOST: Season One

[zellk]

Rough WIPs / doodles for DnD Qalaari ! We haven't started our campaign yet but I’m taking that time to try to figure out how she might look a little ! I’m not quite There™ yet in terms of showing how heavy and massive she is and feels (I really want her to feel like a draft horse... but with horns, because minotaur >:^) ) Her minotaur design is mainly based on 1) her Charr design from GW2 and 2) an animal called a takin ! They’re big & extremely cute goats that live around the Himalayas. I’m playing her as a Path of the Beast Barbarian - but she doesn't like raging so... it’ll be a tug of war between my and my DM to force me to use my full kit in fights >8^D Last picture is a little drawing of her and @ependasketchpad​ ‘s super cool tough lady, Tarja ! They’re taking a bit of a rest and down time so that Qalaa can engrave Tarja’s tusks 😊