#I'm right and true and correct
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Lucas pulls everybody
Mike pulls guys
Will pulls girls (unfortunately)
Dustin pulls the ladies
Max pulls guys
El pulls girls
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I know this isn't only an autistic thing or always an autistic thing, but over the least few years, I've realized that a lot of my difficulties with humor are not actually with humor itself. If anything, there are specific kinds of humor that really work for me and I end up laughing so much harder and longer than everyone else that it's uncomfortable or embarrassing.
But a lot of popular humor fundamentally relies on saying things that aren't true. Sometimes this is drastic exaggeration, sometimes it's OTT parody that is far more about Being Funny than about the actual thing being parodied, and often it's flatly false and that's what is supposed to be funny about it. And yes, that's a humorless and ungracious way to describe that kind of humor—I don't mean to say that this is objectively bad or something.
I even understand the jokes intellectually. But in the vast majority of cases, there is something deeply unfunny to me about jokes reliant on something that is either obviously untrue or which I firmly disagree with.
I've seen quite a few posts recently about how, in online fandom, mocking your faves or being amused at other people mocking your faves is an important part of fandom culture. But for me, jokes about my faves based on things they actually said or did, or qualities they clearly possess, can be very funny, while jokes that are based on misrepresentations—even obvious, it's-all-in-good-fun-and-we-all-know-the-truth misrepresentations—are tedious at best.
For an easy example: Anakin and Luke Skywalker are two of my main Star Wars faves. Jokes about sand or Anakin mass-murdering children in his good phase or Luke being far less concerned than Han over the revelation of who his twin is or "it's not faaaaair" can still be really funny to me when told right. Jokes about Anakin obviously mind-tricking Padmé or Luke being obviously an eternally optimistic loser twink are intensely annoying to me regardless of context or delivery, not because they're comparably objectionable or anything but because they're not true.
Functionally this does cut out a lot of humor—especially online humor—but it's not that I literally don't understand it. I get it. I just don't get it.
#anghraine babbles#long post#sw fanwank#rare breed of attack unicorn#general fanwank#etc#it was a couple of lotr joke posts i've recently seen that were based on blatantly untrue things about gondor that got me thinking more#i didn't correct them (and usually don't!) but when someone else does#and the ops are like 'well actually i'm right because [another comedically false statement]' it's this weird mix of understanding the humor#and understanding it in a way that is the mental equivalent of eating boiled unseasoned vegetables. allegedly there is value but ugh#and a lot of jokes and especially mockery hit that way for me unless it's clearly true#and then it can be absolutely hilarious shit. idk.#this came up in my autism diagnosis and is well established in the literature blahblah so i know it is very often an autism thing#but in any case: probably a disproportionate number of people in fandom /can/ take jokes and mockery of their faves#they just don't find the 'make up shit about them with little to no basis in characterization and keep repeating it' form of it funny
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I think it would be healthy if some people watched a second sport
#maybe talk to another sports fan about how flipping off your direct opponent makes you a bad person#i'm sure they will say you're right so true very normal and correct take!
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Trigun Manga Reaction
Now, back to Volume 1 Chapter 9!
Insurance Ladies know they are going above and beyond what is normal here. But, they still continue as consummate professionals.
THIS IS SO ADORABLE!!! SO CUTE SO CUTE SO CUUUTEE!
I like the tiny little details that hints something about the characters too.
The most obvious things are Milly's childish expression (playful) and Vash's one leg raised on the seat position (gremlin). However, "no nonsense" Meryl's feet are placed inside the table's rings! You'd expect her to put them by the side of the table but nooooo!!! They need to be IN the ring (she's not above them all!). LMAO.
Tbh... I think the Kaite & Vash relationship feels more fleshed out here in the manga than the anime. I guess it's because of the Rem conversation. It added more weight to their interactions.
Also, they're adorable! Kaite is one sharp kid calling out Vash's bullshit. Vash, like a dog with a bone, keeps deflecting.
Oh wow. This is a huge difference from '98. Kaite was totally alone when he approached the crew.
And this is just as painful and hard to see because, you can absolutely understand the crew's reaction and feelings. What Kaite did was wrong. At the same time tho, he is just a kid who didn't know better. Taking out their grief and fury on him is not right.
Gosh... It makes me think of Little Vash and The Great Fall.
I wonder what exactly went through Vash's head here. In my perspective, Kaite is reflecting Vash unknowingly in this scene. But it's so painful because he's just a kid. He should never have been put in this position. He is too young to be on this path for atonement and redemption! It's just wrong.
Hmmm. Another big difference. Interesting. The Plant was never mentioned in '98 at all.
So, Tristamp followed this manga arc more closely. Some elements are remixed such as Wolfwood replacing Kaite, the Gung-ho Guns substituting BDN as a threat, and the race is avoiding destroying a town instead of avoiding falling off a cliff. All beats are the same tho.
HOWEVER!
I think '98 has a more logical timeline personally because they are in a hurry to stop the ship right? It's a critical moment. If you think about it, there should not have been enough time for Vash to regroup with Kaite after the duel. So, '98 having these two events happen simultaneously is actually good.
Another benefit is Kaite's offer to help feels much more genuine when he was alone and away from Vash in '98. It really sells the idea that this is entirely his own decision despite the risks of retribution.
Of course, Vash didn't influence him in the manga too but by visually having him there with Kaite, it kinda undersells it imo.
Oi. Vash. That's no way to talk about your sister!
While I do appreciate the changes on the Plant design in Tristamp, I really like the '98/Manga more. They're both excellent designs for Sci-Fi but I just really like the 90's flavor of magical Angel Power Plant... which appeases my thing for magitek.
Tristamp tho is a modern flavor of alien Faerie Power Plant - not bad but not my cup of tea. However, the glowing lines feature is wonderful! It reinforces the idea of them being power plants because they have "circuits" in the body. Restraining myself from saying Magic Circuits!
Oh... This is a really fascinating set of panels that I think both '98 and Tristamp haven't adapted well.
'98 kinda skipped this. However in Tristamp, the emphasis on Plants is very clinical. Not sure if that is the best way to describe it, but, in the plants feels so much more objectified in Tristamp. I guess the horror element about the human-plant relationship is further emphasized there.
It's contrasting the manga which seems to be more focused on the awe-inspiring side of it like in the scene above. The scientist waxes poetic and is practically making a religion out of the whole thing.
I guess, to put it simply, the manga effectively shows how humans see Plants worthy of worship. Meanwhile, Tristamp displays how humans see Plants as just a life-essential battery.
So beautiful... Oh...
What if the re-design happened because animating expressive individual feathers would be a pain for Orange staff? GASP! Is that why everyone's hair were cut short?! Because hair is tedious to animate. OMFG... IS THIS WHY MILLY WAS CUT OUT IN SEASON 1 since she really really long luscious locks?!
I kid. I kid. 🤣
Oh. That's really clever remixing by Studio Madhouse. So '98 Miss Purple Avenger Episode is like a "Prototype" of this manga arc. This is where Vash having to prevent an explosion of a Plant came from.
Okay. Another great difference... I've been saying that a lot in this chapter. Sorry.
In '98, Vash dealt with this alone and the only witness was terrified. It focused more on the mystery.
However, here in the manga, Vash is not alone. Humans must work with him to save the Plant and everyone. He can only buy time but it's up to them to stop the whole thing. It's a really nice display of Vash's hopes and beliefs regarding human-plant relations. ----> BTW, the art in this page is really pretty and interesting! (1) The almost "gradient" like transition of Vash's coat to the bulb is so creative. (2) The drawing of the Plant resembling a blooming flower: feathers as ray florets, the plant/sister as the disk floret, and the wires as receptacle/stem.
These pages are so gorgeous and the way the slowing down of the heartbeat was shown through the interspersed tiny panels is just really good.
ROFL. The human instinct of "I don't know what's going on but it's helping so I won't pry anymore and I'll just roll with it!". Love to see it!
I think this arc is so good because it justifies Vash's often criticized brand of hope - his endless patience at giving humans chances to bridge the gap between their species.
Humans can work together and save themselves with just a little push. They won't rely on exploitation forever.
People can realize when they are wrong. They can atone and redeem themselves. They do not stay cruel and ignorant forever. They are capable of change. ----> Also, this art is so perfectly adapted in '98. This page, actually, all the pages relating to this collective effort of humans to save the ships (with a bit of an assist from Vash) is so heartwarming to read. ----> Oh... Kudos again to '98 because since they relegated the 'Vash prevents a Plant explosion' to an earlier episode, the episode covering this particular plot had him out of commission. So, the stakes have become higher. Humans must set aside their differences and work together to save each other and Vash too.
And finally, humans are more than what they seem. They are complicated. What could be an enemy at first could turn out to be an ally that can save you later.
This entire conclusion to the conflict is just good and very... Vash. This is what he wants for Knives to see and understand about humans.
I think '98 really did well in adapting the essence of this arc. Tristamp is complicated because now, on hindsight as I read the manga, the episodes are basically hard-carrying and working overtime telling multiple plot lines at once!
Let's see... in Tristamp's version of this arc:
Wolfwood was working double time in the narrative as "Kaite" and one half of the "Good/Hope of Humanity". Not to mention he has his own conflict going on too.
Meryl was the second half of the "Good/Hope of Humanity" that works with Vash (Plant) in saving people.
Unfortunately, with BDN being replaced by the Gung-ho Guns, there is nothing that echoes the "Hidden Depths Enemy Turned Ally"... character...No way... OMFG! WOLFWOOD WAS SUBSTITUTING FOR THAT ROLE TOO IN THIS ARC!!! Poor Woofwoof!
Roberto is a unique addition since he is a Tristamp OG, but I think he represents well the approach taken by Orange with Trigun. He is like the "Flaws/Indifference of Humanity". He is good but experience had turned him into someone that's jaded and refuses to rock the boat (unlike Meryl). His age and 100% ordinary human status prevents him from surviving long enough to change his disposition too (unlike Wolfwood). It's pretty in line with Orange's more emphasis on the "darker" aspects of the story.
WHA-?!!!
Eh? Eh? EHHH?!!
WHY WAS THIS CHANGED IN '98?!!! THIS IS ADORABLE AND COOL!!! AHHHH!!!! NOOOO!!!!
But... then there won't be Meryl and Milly supporting injured Vash. NOOOO!!! Augh. AND THERE WON'T BE TRISTAMP VERSION OF THIS! AHHHH!!!!
Oh. So, the singing is in the manga too. That's a surprise. I thought it was a '98 original scene.
Awwww. ಥ_ಥ
#trigunbookclub#trimax journey#this was a really great arc#i like how the anime adaptations stayed true and diverted from it in their own ways#'98 broke it into two different arcs#tristamp reworked it with different characters and wove other plots into it#it's nice and i'm glad nightow okay-ed this kind of work#because we can enjoy the different ways the story could be told without losing its core elements#kinda like... fairytales! or the many versions of king arthur!#of course it would only work if the people adapting the story truly understood the essence of the original and respects it#because sometimes - actually correction - more often than not people just create 'in name only' adaptations#however '98 and tristamp are definitely not one of those#but i'm still miffed at how brilliant diamonds neon was handled tho i hope he shows up somehow in tristamp s2!#omfg next arc would have woofwoof right?!#i'm so excited!
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does anyone else find it fucked up that moon's friends protect themselves from her with the skyfire at the end of moon rising?
#wings of fire#moonwatcher#look okay i've been slowly rereading the series on and off again bc one of my friends is getting into the series#so correct me where i'm wrong in asking why kinkajou feels entitled for moon to disclaim she's a telepath and seer upon first meeting her#when the news that nightwings don't have powers anymore and that they manipulated the entire sandwing succession war conflict#for their own gain went PUBLIC so nightwings are a hated tribe#nevermind the fact that moon feels like an outcast among her tribe because she hatched off of the volcano and never had to suffer#though it's sweet that her mother cares for her and worries about her she still calls moon her 'weird little diamond'#and impresses upon her 'secret hidden safe' which is basically wof's conceal don't feel#when was moon supposed to feel safe enough in disclosing her power she's hated FOR having and hated for NOT having#do you (general) think she's in ANY position to advertise she's the tribe's ONLY true seer and telepath in generations safely?#'i get what kinkajou means but it feels almost like having to disclaim your trans or disabled. Is a bit fucked' is what my friend said#it's the same fucking thing as 'i'm losing the person i once knew' but perhaps not in those words and not nearly as harshly#i know kinkajou comes around to moon eventually and they remain friends. but there's something REALLY fucked about it imo#same friend pointed out there's a queerness to this which i will 100% agree on like it stings on a personal level#like. look i still like the series but man reading it critically and interacting with it in a more adult lens#is definitely an action i am doing right now.#i think i'm still correct in saying darkstalker was a child. evil is not created in a vacuum. hatred is taught not inherent.#it does not excuse him from the evil he did commit. but he was a child. he was a FUCKING ABUSED CHILD. augh. (quietly losing my mind)#rex rambles
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you ever think about how the lan sect is disdainful of su she for "copying" them (already absurd he was a lan disciple ffs) but when faced with su she clearly playing differently they just assume he must be doing it wrong?
"he's copying us"
"he's playing a different song though?"
"no no he's just copying us wrong"
and lo and behold yeah it's a different fuckin song lmao.
...and it's a different fucking song the lan copied from someone else that's so peak I can't. like they are all like "these are our secret lan only archives" and they fucking copied it!!! I caaaaaaan't.
#justice for su she tbh#this shit is absurd and it keeps piling up!#like i'm sorry if it's not intentional! it's still right there!#and the fans just also bully su she for the least true things just because wwx or lwj or someone said them!#i'm sorry if u don't want to be a su she stan#but u have fallen for propaganda 😔#gosh minshan i am sorry u are the only correct person in mdzs(/cql) that must be so frustrating my king 😔😔😔#the lan are so unreliable for this like come on#su she#lan critical
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It doesn't make much sense that he and Hardison understand each other this well. On paper, they couldn't be less alike. Give Eliot a face to punch over a code to crack any day. He likes things simple: if you're stronger than the other guy, he goes down and you don't. In Eliot's line of work, the hard way is the only way to learn. Nothing about this bizarre triangular dynamic of theirs is simple. And yet, in spite of that, Hardison just…gets it. Even when Eliot kind of doesn't really get it, Hardison gets it. Parker gets it. They don't ask him to change. They just show that he fits, exactly as he is. (Or: a morning with Eliot, Hardison, and Parker.)
some more leverage ot3 :)
#eliot spencer#alec hardison#parker leverage#leverage#leverage fic#fic#my fic#god i wish i knew if that ot3 had a real ship name#i'm gonna go with a tried and true:#leverage ot3#that seems right#i am so obsessed with my funky little blorbos#this specific iteration of them#you ever just be so incredibly right and intelligent and smart and correct about something#me with aro eliot <33#ok goodnightttttttttttt#well not goodnight but i am going to go watch more leverage lmao#season 4 let's dance#stuff#i wrote half of this on my phone last night after trying and failing to fall asleep#the other half on my phone at work today after my kid left for the day#shoutout to mobile docs gotta be one of my favorite genders
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omgg lol [guy who won't stop going "more like scapeGOATED" voice] now hold! on!! lmao [same guy just saw encanto voice] Hold on!!!
#& [it might be 5am but i'll still see if i can draw some] trackpad homemade reacts. inhales & hands to head/face x9 then walking off#site giving pretty random Suggested assortment there where i was like oh right sure. prob not tumblr keywords captures lmaooo#(plus happened to have it open in firefox) but my god Not the scapegoated literal seers lmfao. whoooo. my god#also it was just really good anyways like right nice. damn#the (queerrr) seerrr the perceiverrr the truth tellerrr the ruinerrr the scapegoat be-errr the internalizerrr the neurodivergerrr#& now i Know there is 0% chance ppl weren't putting ''always a gay cousin or it's you (avuncular edition)'' in that thing#family tree design not even leaving space for the hypothetical kids of this relative we mostly pretend is nonexistent hmm#also that necessarily. it's giving all intents & purposes Disability abt a dozen ways & it's saying [accept that] vs [we'd better fix him]#you don't cite said [it's giving disability] as part of the We All Hate The Horrible Little Freak scapegoating justification & then be like#''actually we don't have to do that anymore b/c he's sooo normal :)'' or not if you're serious about [don't scapegoat your family] anyways#which like oh ok they Are serious so The Weirdo's scapegoating / casting out / lack of support Isn't justified#so he's still weird & you just gotta get over that b/c otherwise. bye. having a natural rat affinity is such a slay btw#& we've all been there like ''you NEVER want two scapegoats talking it's Over if they do'' + littlest kid is like um. they're the best#plankton voice Correct! inhale i'm so impressed like. getting to go ''finally someone Normal'' (serious abt letting someone Be Weird(tm))#which also always counts as like mm hard time suggesting someone's Not queer & also autistic for a start lmao. an award#adding in suggested layers like talking to oneself; talking Oddly / w difficulty; physical uncoordination; rituals ; acting; animal friend#the layer of ''& all that's fine? like?'' again rather than him ever suppressing or even changing it so far as it's suggested#besides that it's observed as Weird like but so? or else what? nonrhetorical: hostility / rescinded support & driving someone off is what?#& that Truth like the [worse treatment / exclusion / scapegoat] oft recipe for someone giving the support they're not getting themself#again Never let the [ppl both experiencing this] talk oh it's So over. or the child who's all i like family support & kindness actuallyy...#obviously also like the complete opposite of billions. knowing what they're about & letting this Just As Beloved crucial guy be So Weird#but billions Also [hmm feels right for our scapegoated guy to Perceive / Tell Truths / openly want/need & then be hurt] now get his ass#anyway [guy who could always go way on could go way on but only has thirty tags & it's 6am & i still mean to try some drawing] voice#remarkable amt of So True & ''it feels like ppl on the same page w/exactly what they're doing are all behind this''#remarkable amount of concentrated My God That Is So A Slay located in bruno all at once. what a gift#sticking to ''sometimes someone In Your Group is Weird. Disabled. deal'' firmly enough there's no ;) oh u can bet we'll Fix Him in the end#everyone always assumes the worst so....me when i'm [always as a kid yearning for Living In Secret Passages]. emile gtmpota?#oh congrats to whatever rando who will be having his dramatic gay reunion w/bruno just out of frame obviously. i perceive#now imagine if That rando was....emile gtmpota! what a crossover event. haunting4haunting. do i have enough tags for this lmao. yea#& having 1 more tag to say: as though the [endless serving] isn't enough bruno's also as close to gender envy as it gets. incl rats; sure
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This may come as a bit of a surprise, but I don't often cry at books. Even the ones that hit me the hardest and most deeply, I don't cry.
But the ending of The Sun and the Star of all things got to me and now I'm crying at work bc I decided to finish it on my lunch break.
#the book is mostly just v cute and queerness metaphors and stuff#(uh. v cute is being used in a relative way here)#but another theme of the book is like. embracing the bad things#and it ended with two characters discussing the grief of losing someone dear#and as someone still reeling and grieving over the loved ones I lost three months ago#it really hit me where it hurt#the whole like...''the part of you that you lost with them never goes away#but it gets smaller over time bc you add more to who you are''#like A) that is beautiful#B) it is eerily similar to what my therapist tells me#and C) it hurts but not in a ''full of despair'' way#but in a ''full of hope'' way#and adding that to what people say about it hurting bc you loved them so much#.....idk. it feels. correct. true. right. something like that#ANYWAYS I'm going to try to stop crying#and I'll be posting the quote when I get home bc it's just. it's really good.#speecher speaks
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I usually don't like having a solid theory on a piece of media before it's finished because I don't want to get my hopes up too much, but at this point I can't ignore this.
More and more people are pointing out and realising that Miguel broke the dimension he was in because he purposely infiltrated a dimension he doesn't belong in and took the place of another version of him, thus fucking up the place and being the real anomaly. His presence there was what caused the dimension to implode.
The real lesson is: Don't fuck around in other people's dimension, NOT 'Don't mess up the 'canon' in your own dimension' but he doesn't realise this (whether purposely cus guilt or he truly doesn't realise it). You can't mess up your own dimension by going against canon. If that was the case, Miles' dimension would've imploded a long time ago if he 'wasn't supposed to be Spiderman' (and if he isn't supposed to be spiderman, then doesn't that mean he HAS no canon to even follow in the first place??). But it hasn't. Miles' dimension is perfectly fine before the Spot came in.
Obviously I have no idea how the next movie is gonna go, nor do they have to follow what a random person on the internet is saying, but this theory makes so much sense. I sincerely hope this will be revealed in Beyond The Spiderverse as the big plot realisation and I hope it will be mind blowing.
#across the spider verse#across the spiderverse#across the spiderverse spoilers#atsv#atsv spoilers#again not saying my theory HAS to be correct I'm not the one deciding what must happen lmao#but MAN it would be great if this theory is true#and we get a whole scene of it#if its true I want it to be as mindblowing as finding out the spider that bit Miles wasn't from his dimension#I want Miguel to know he's wrong#I want his whole worldview shattered#I want to see him deal with the realisation that he got it all wrong#I love him but I want to see the shock on his face and his entire rock solid convinction that he's doing whats right to crumble before him#miguel o'hara#miles morales#atsv theory#across the spiderverse theory
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this a very unnecessarily philosophical, potentially verbose, written by a barely 20 odd year old with the mental age of a 10 year old whose innate logic comes directly from the autism gremlin in her mind take on tim bradford. you have been warned.
it's interesting that tim thinks he's been lying to himself and is mad at himself for seemingly actually being what he thinks he fundamentally isn't, rather than what he thinks or thought he was. but he doesn't understand that he can't be fundamentally anything in respect to action and nature. he can't define who he is as a whole as one clear cut, unchanging thing that he lives by for the rest of his life. because that's the complete opposite of what human nature is in my opinion. his personality may be consistent. but his nature never will be. because it changes. ALL THE TIME. pretty much everyday your processes change even a little bit with new information you gain. who you are now is not who you were last week. and while you may have a strict and specfic moral law in which determines the way you act in the long run, the decisions you make and the way you act (short term) depend on the moment. so tim is saying that what he did in the moment back in the army, and what he did in the moment dealing with ray, and what he did in the moment lying to IA, was him going against his code and who he thought he was, and that must therefore mean that who he has been consistently in the past was actually all a lie, was him pretending to be something he wasn't just because he did somethings 'out of character'. i don't think he can understand that being as strict and by the book as he is is not actually a sustainable human trait. because many instances call for many different reactions. but him setting such rigid guidelines he must follow so he can actually consider himself a good man, has set him up to fail again and again in respect to his feelings of self worth. setting such high standards for himself that he'll never be able to live up to has made it so easy for his self-belief to falter, teeter, and completely fall off the edge. confusing his personality with his nature has made it practically impossible to realise that his actions, if flawed, reckless and bringing negative consequences, don't make him fundamentally flawed. fundamentally wrong and screwed up. he doesn't realise that actions merely add to the portfolio of a person's life, good or bad, and despite the contents of his biography, he is still worthy of love. because he is not fundamentally flawed, or a fraud, but a man who regularly shows empathy, and loves anyway, despite being told (by others, but mainly himself) he won't experience the same in return.
#i have always been bewildered by tim and the way he thinks since he's very black and white#but doesn't realise that all the colours of the rainbow are inside of him#i have an egotistical logic man in my brain who always thinks he's right#so if this is illogical to you blame him#but this is my inexperienced philosophy on the difference between fundamental personality vs enviroment influenced nature#i like to speak the things that flow out of my brain#so feel free to disagree#i am not always correct#but i love tim and i need him to realise he's a little dumb and unwilling to realise the true attributes of what makes a human#and that he's not wrong for doing what humans do#which is make mistakes and learn from them#and he's still allowed to be loved#because humans love each other despite what they do because it's fundamental to humans to be like this#you are not special baby#it's okay#you'll be fine#just like i am fundamentally tautologous#yet you like my posts anyway#i'm very sorry#especially if you loathe my lack of capital letter usage#goodnight#the rookie#chenford#tim bradford
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Theodora's wikipedia page is a good example of when wikipedia is not an exceptionally reliable source
#it's a whole mess#there's this one guy who gets pissy if you call her a Monophysite#so every few days he just shows up to edit her page to make her Orthodox#but he doesn't change the whole page#resulting in a self-contraditory page where she's listed as a Monophysite in some areas and an Orthodox Chalcedonian in others#some other guy added a line claiming that she was married to a Monophysite man before she met Justinian#which is obviously not true right?#are there any references to Theodora being a widow or a divorcee???#and there are so many points where the article is just bad. bad grammar and poorly written sentences abound#there are whole sections that are extremely biased by people who either love or hate her#I keep thinking I should fix it but I'm not familiar enough with Wikipedia's rules to know what I can and can't do#in terms of deleting things and correcting things
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the incredibly delicate tension between: we need art to feed us and connect us and make us feel like things have a purpose, and: art is slowly but surely making us more complacent and cowardly
#thoughts#don't mind me I'm just having very complicated thoughts about artists and how art is being weaponized by power#I have zero good answer about that because quite frankly I don't have the mental health to walk that line right now#but yeah I can't help but think I'm just Not being helpful in any way#like a lot of what I dedicated myself towards and sacrificed things for might actually be a trap#not only for me but for community and connexion#I don't think it's true in every context btw. but I think it's starting to be true in 2024#that we are spending a lot of time cosplaying at good praxis and Correct Emotions through art without challenging stuff#at the same time I cannot blame anyone and it would be hypocritical of me to do so#this world is being made purposefully overwhelming and lonely and art is soothing and feels warmer#I do think art is good for the soul and for our humanity. I do think that truly.#but yeah I don't know how we manage to breach past art and use it as a resource for actual meaningful actions.#again perhaps it's just The Mental Illness speaking --though I don't think it's entirely that#but yeah I just... I'm just really wondering about that balance of existing beyond art#while not rejecting art as full on bourgeois distraction which imo is also reductive and reactionnary#I don't know. I'm just kind of really sad about a lot of things honestly.
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hey what do you guys think about deja vu like do you think it means anything? or is it just one of those weird brain things
#i used to know someone who took it as like a sign that she was 'on the right path' or something like that and i'm curious if others ascribe#meaning to it like that. personally i dont try to read into it because if i started doing that i would probably go fully insane#last i knew there wasnt really any robust science regarding it but someone correct me if thats not true#me
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#it actually makes me sick like physically ill how much praise is heaped onto goyishe american leftists#people who could not point to gaza on a map six months ago. whose knowledge of middle east history comes from outdated textbooks and twitte#for being anti imperial activists and well educated anti imperialists with all the right buzzwords and all the right opinions#meanwhile nothing i say will ever be good enough bc i'm jewish and palestinians are tokenized by people who care more about appearing#like someone who Listens to Palestinians as opposed to 1) doing anything material to help them (like donating money)#and 2) not spreading obvious misinformation. something that does material damage to the cause of liberation#AND further fuels the most insidious of zionist propaganda which relies on the antisemitism of ignorant western goys#this propaganda banks on their antisemitism bc it's that fucking reliable#every white western goy that harasses jews or spreads misinfo about jews or is straight up just racist towards random israeli immigrants#ppl living in the west like running coffee shops that are now having their windows smashed bc that what? supports palestinian liberation?#makes it that much easier for actual zionist propagandists to say 'see. this was never about imperialism. they want an excuse to harm you.'#'you are only safe with us'#i grew up in a cauldron of this kind of propaganda and i was playing on hard mode i got it from the orthodox#it took years of dutiful unlearning. of wrestling with some really difficult realities. of realizing that i'd been not only lied to#but information had been deliberately kept from me to keep me from knowing the true depths of the horror happening in gaza#i did not get the luxury of starting to care about this six months ago during a concerted effort to correct the record#i had to put in the effort to unlearn two decades of propaganda given to me so young i don't remember a time when i didn't know it#and i am by far not the only jew with this experience#i have put in way more effort to care about this than every white western goy with a megaphone posting palestinian flags on IG#but none of that matters bc i am a jew and for the last 5000+ years we don't get to decide how we're discussed or how we're remembered#never mind how many jewish voices (and yes! even israeli voices!) have been supporting liberation efforts in palestine for years.#who've done an amazing job reaching more people who need help seeing through the propaganda they were raised on#i can only be a token who speaks only in protest chants or i can be an evil zionist. the anti imperial work doesn't matter.#bc anti imperial work is hard and none of them actually want to do it they just want the protest photos#anyway this is why i don't discuss this on the piss on the poor website. tbh i don't trust y'all
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guess who's in 🎶troooouble🎶
New Boss does not appreciate my Vile Insubordination (giving an informed opinion in an email chain where she said some factually incorrect things and got called out on it - I said hey yep you're right that what she said isn't true but here's why it's still important to listen to our team)
and now we have to have a Quick Chattette about my Behaviour and Unsatisfactory Response (didn't apologise for being correct)
#red said#fuckin had it tbh#trying to become calm and balanced bc it will not be helpful for me to go in with this fuck you attitude#but. you know. fuuuuuuck you.#i have been doing this job for 2 years with huge success i do not need someone to redesign and micromanage everything i do#you can simply. do your job and let me do mine#instead of undercutting a huge chunk of work we've already done bc you don't know what you're talking about yet#the situation is she emailed without talking to either of us saying an obviously untrue thing which we could easily have corrected her on#the person she emailed came back like hey#that's not true though?#so i popped in like sorry i know this isn't a conversation I've been closely involved it but you're right and that's actually a whole thing#yeah the thing she said doesn't exist does in fact exist but we've been trying to phase out of for years and what's left is legacy stuff#and that's part of why we're unsure about making room for more of it to happen#felt reasonable. i was in the thread to begin with bc my opinion was being asked#so she was like oh why did you do that we probably should have talked about it first as a team#and I'm like YEAH WE PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE but given that you DIDN'T and have inaccurate info then dropped offline#i assumed we weren't doing Team Responses#and she's NOT HAPPY with how i replied. i phrased it more politely than that but not by much#but you know what man? seems like a you problem.#sorry I'm a Quaker respect for authority is against my religion
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