#I'm really upset today

[cryley]

please ignore me - I'm just feeling sorry for myself (sad rambles)

I don't want to get fully into specifics, but I'm just having a really bad mental health day today. Or I guess, the entire week/weekend. It feels like I've lost all motivation to really do anything. I need to acknowledge this feeling because I've been in this depressive state many times before and have either denied it or didn't try anything to combat it. It's just a little frustrating because I thought my meds were sorted out mostly for the first time in forever (but I guess maybe not). I'm not feeling myself right now, but hopefully, this week will be a little better ♡

[tea-tuesday]

06/06/2024

i was trying to stay optimistic yesterday about having to study for the bar but let's just say the optimism comes in waves and i'm much less optimistic today lol..... what's helping me get through it? cute stationery !!!

[naamahdarling]

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[mintjeru]

it probably wasn't the smartest decision to start an ongoing 1000+ chapter webnovel when i know it'll consume my every waking thought but here we are

open for better quality | no reposts

[eddis-not-eeddis]

I need some prayers. My health is really bad right now, and i might lose my job.

[mushroomjar]

I don't like the way you guys talk about Palestinians asking for donations. I don't like it.

I had to see someone make MULTIPLE posts bitching and moaning about how people need to stop sending them asks asking for them to reblog their donation posts, that they'd just be blocking them from now on, and that they didn't care if they were vetted because they still found the act of sending asks to get reblogs on their donation links suspicious, even if they were in a dire situation. They even went as far as to say that they got an ask, deleted it, and then they got another ask from the same person, and accused the person of sending another ask to purposefully "get under their skin"

I don't know man, have you considered that being a victim of ongoing genocide will make you ask for help in whatever way you can? And sometimes that involves sending random blogs asks to see if they can donate or at the very least share your donation links? A Palestinian reaches out to you multiple times because they need help and your response is to whine about getting donation links in your inbox? I wish I had your problems

Also the thing about "getting the exact same ask from the exact same blog multiple times"... uh, duh? First of all, they're probably reaching out to dozens of blogs daily, do you think they're gonna type up a new paragraph for each blog they reach out to? Second of all, maybe they reached out to you multiple times because a. They really really really need the help and b. What, do you think they're gonna see your URL/blog and be like "oh! I already reached out to this blog, I'm not gonna send them another ask"? Or do you think they'll be like "this person has been reblogging other people's donation posts, maybe they'll reblog mine too"?

Like I understand being suspicious about getting sent donation links to your inbox, but literally all you have to do is check if the blog's been vetted by other bloggers? It's as easy as searching for their URL on tumblr sometimes, it literally takes less than a minute or two. And that's what bothers you? That's what you're complaining about? Find a real problem!!!

[thebirdandhersong]

I think the problem. the problem is that I have always been afraid of not being invited into the inner circle. and am always wanting to be part of the inner circle. inner circle being the circle of love and companionship and communion. of course being a TCK and a bit of a sheltered homeschooled oddball child has nudged this further along over the years. but I didn't realise how STRONG that desire still burned. to actually be wanted.

[milliesfishes]

sad

[savage-rhi]

Magenta 😥

[genericpuff]

an epitaph

[starrysharks]

i wonder if white people specifically white progressives realise that black people are only ever seen as their skin color first and foremost

[sciderman]

Me clicking “see all” on the tags of that post on why Nate likes Peter: “Holy shit”

[selfinflictedgunshotwound]

sorry for only saying this type of shit lately but i kinda wanna drive a car straight into a brick wall at the highest speed possible

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s2 episode 3 thoughts

here i am, once again. feeling lost, but now and then. i breathe it in. to let it go… and you don’t know where you are now, or what it will come to, if only somebody could hear

(it started with "here i am" to indicate i was once more taking my notes, but it spiraled into victorious lyrics. and then the song being stuck in my head all day. endless humming was done at the workplace)

and other such sentiments. let us jump in to this one.

first thing we see: a nice car. ARCADE!!!!! arcades are places of whimsy and i want to be at them. this is a mostly empty arcade. but someone stole this one dude’s game… i mean, it’s fair to lose your game when you leave the room, but this other dude in the pizza shirt is being rude about it 

HOLY FUCK IS THAT JACK BLACK???????

jack black is watching while his friend gets beat up but knows his friend has an ace up his sleeve…. and that ace is…. controlling the radio? and then electrocuting the guy who stole his game. to death.

jack black and lightning guy go back to gaming after some murder

this is sooo funny... i can’t wait to see what scully and mulder and jack black get up to 

we open to scully doing an autopsy in oklahoma and she is soooo pretty. she does not believe that lightning killed 5 people in the same small town. i would have to say that i agree with that conclusion. and four more have been killed, the sheriff walks in and announces!

this sheriff seems awful. “you know anything about lightning, agent scully?” do you know anything about being quiet?

he accuses her of not doing her homework because "they farm lightning there" (whatever the hell that even means) umm... okay so how did your farming kill 9 children you prick? do you not think that is, in itself, worthy of investigation? imagine if a cow farm all of a sudden had 9 murderous cows. would we not want to look into this, mister sheriff.

and why is mulder just watching all of this go down? just as i typed that she said “feel free to jump in anytime” “why? you were doing just fine”, he responds, and while i like his belief in her, he certainly could have lent a hand. he never is quiet and now he chooses to be... hmm. not mister quip all of a sudden taking a vow of silence.

(the credits confirm this is in fact jack black, as if i wouldn’t know him anywhere. i'd know him blind, by the sound of his footsteps, or however that one quote goes)

narrative shift! lightning boy, who is named "darin", is working at a car shop. and a woman customer is coming in. and oh, the way he is looking at her makes me want to explode. DISGUSTING MAN! he is saying he is sorry for what he said last night- now WHAT were you saying to her last night, young gentleman? had we not just seen him kill someone, i would still have found him scary and suspicious.

the agents are going to where the latest murder victim was struck. as scully reads a case file over the formerly very nice but now very fried car, mulder is squatting down on the ground in the parking lot. average strange man behavior. and while this is happening, scully has sunglasses on and she is serving. 

jack black is counting coins at the arcade. scully asks to talk with him and says she’s from the FBI and he goes “alright!” and it was perfect line delivery. no notes.

he pretends to not know who the guy who was killed was and then pulls a "oh, THAT guy" moment... LMAOOOO 

mulder is prowling about looking at video games. he uses the high score list to find clues, but i think he was just kinda wanting to play a little. or maybe he considers himself above such undignified pleasures. however, i do not, and think everyone should have a little arcade time.

they go off to the car shop to talk with darin, who has become suspect number one due to his many high scores set the same evening as the other fellow fried. darin gives mulder a mike and ike, which he takes, and offers another to scully, who refuses, likely using her doctorly knowledge to imagine that his hands have been in very dirty places. he denies knowing anything, and then makes mulder's phone blow up, as if that would detract from the suspicious aura about him. and that phone seems like it was expensive!!

darin is at home changing the tv channel. until jack black arrives. jack black has seemed to have entirely enough with this whole zapping thing, as he tries to get his friend to stop generating electricity, and begs him not to zap the cows again. the COWS? oh we need to do something about this kid NOW.

with all the muttering about zapping, i can see why it would make people not want to hang out with him, in addition to his many other unpleasant qualities. he strikes himself with lightning about 3 times, lays down in the grass, and then proclaims that he feels "excellent". at this point, i began to form a guess of what would happen to our dear friend jack black.

(and by the way, despite his friend's pleas not to, darin DID zap a ton of cows. truly a god-awful fellow)

the agents roll up to investigate the cow murder. and now that the sheriff has been established as a jerk, mulder is gonna get involved. talking about the frequency at which lightning can be detected and saying "see, i did my homework" yeah yeah it's impressive but you should have been there before.

the sheriff wants them to go away sooo bad omg. is he darin's dead beat dad or something? starting to think that is the only explanation for him behaving the way that he does. but a clue! they find a footprint at the lighting strike.

cut to scully making a plaster cast!!! i did not know this was a skill she was familiar with. she proclaims that it is a standard military boot, size 8 and a half. he seems really impressed she can tell the size of a shoe, until she tells him it’s right on the boot LMAOOO. he really thought she could just do that. why is that a skill she would have? great question!

she also finds antifreeze, which implicates darin. but how could he make lightning, she asks. girl idk.

oh this kid is a CREEP, even more evil than i had thought: he changes the lights on a stoplight to watch people get in accidents. what the HELL. can we do something about him?

jack black tries to talk him out of his weird doomer behavior, and says they should go to vegas, where he can manipulate the electricity to win big. and this seems to me a splendid idea! but darin says he won’t go anywhere without his teacher, who was the woman he was talking to earlier in a fashion that made my skin crawl.

oh! he wants to "prove his love". and his crush is married to HIS BOSS. when jack black points out the conflict of interest there, darin says maybe he'll fry his boss, and laughs as if this is a great joke, while his friend looks very scared.

the agents are in darin's bedroom now, a place no one has ever wanted to be. 

mulder picks up a playboy and she says something about being surprised he hasn’t read it already and he’s like “oh i have” and then quotes T.S. Eliot: "april is the cruelest month".

hello. why is he like this. why is he looking at porn and quoting poetry. is there something i'm missing.

but he finds a picture of the teacher in there (in between the sections he describes in far too much detail for my liking). things are adding up... darin is in love with mrs. kiveat. whose husband owns kiveat’s autobody...

mr. kiveat is at the sight of the accident that darin has created due to his stoplight interference, looking as if he might blow up (holding his shoulder and wincing) but no! he does not blow up. instead, it seems he had some sort of heart attack, which is maybe something electricity can do, i don't know. luckily the paramedics are already on the scene, but unluckily when they get to the defibrillator, it is dead all of a sudden. until darin comes and turns it on with his electric powers, saying he learned it from TV. very believable. /s 

mrs. kiveat is at the hospital after her husband is fried, and she spills her water, so mulder gets her a new cup. what a gentleman! if we ignore the earlier letting scully get yelled at by the sheriff and also detailed porn description. he tries to ask her some questions but she won’t answer.

so, they find this weird kid's medical records, and a few months ago he nearly died, and his blood is all weird. mulder does not know what that big medical word means, so she explains that it means he has too many electrolytes. haha another win for Doctor Mode enjoyers everywhere.

“i know it’s a leap, scully, but what if [darin's] electrolyte imbalance is somehow enabling him to generate electricity at levels much higher than normal?” <- well it is a leap. i'm glad he's self aware.

they once again try to ask him stuff, which he largely denies, but he asks if jack black had snitched on him. which he DID NOT do. they keep him in custody for a bit, and just need mrs. kiveat's testimony to maybe get him charged.

they're going to the teacher’s house, and for once, our duo waits to be told they can come in!!! i’m proud. they could tell this was an emotionally charged situation, with her husband being in the hospital and her being clearly traumatized from this evil teenage boy. he told his teacher he had “dangerous powers”- hence the earlier conversation about what he had said last night. well! if she testifies, they can certainly get him charged, right?

no. because the dumbass sheriff let the boy go. and now the teacher is gone. just after scully told her she was safe!!

jack black is turning off all the games at the arcade until darin turns them BACK on. he explains over and over again that he did not tell the FBI anything, but then Darin zaps him because he thinks he snitched. how the mighty fall…

(i just got a terrifying thought. did people think the creepy electricity kid was misunderstood and not actually evil, but rather sympathetic and hot? i pray this was not the case. nevertheless, i need to know. chime in if you're an expert on this fanbase)

back at the hospital, the power is going in and out, and a dead jack black is placed in the elevator. just to be really spooky, i suppose. it is time to secure the exits. i made a note that i felt mulder would be zapped here, but luckily he was not.

darin is prowling about the hospital, looking for the teacher, and scully has him at gun point. despite telling him not to move, he keeps moving, and i'm thinking, girl i know you don’t want to shoot a kid but he’s like Bakugo or something so we might have to make some hard calls here.

the teacher goes with him for some reason and scully is really horrified as he like. grabs her??? walks out holding her hand??? and he is talking about seeing through her dress and taking her anywhere she wants to go. somehow thinking that this is reciprocated and totally normal.

that is, until the sheriff pulls up, and she runs. mulder snatched her around the corner and keeps her safe. so darin's screaming about giving her anything she wanted. 

he is STILL screaming, getting himself struck by lightning, and he knocked the sheriff out. so he’s laying in the ground and twitching while the agents roll up and somehow get him into a hospital??

where we learned HE KILLED THE SHERIFF??? 

so the tests came back and he had nothing unusual. behind the door at the hospital, he watches the screen and changes the channel.

um. okay.

i’m not particularly drawn to creepy men manipulating women and listening to songs about using the bathroom so. i didn’t find this fellow particularly compelling. in fact i rather despised him, for he reminded me of people i went to school with, in a certain manner. interesting follow-up to the last 3 episodes which felt so carefully woven together. yeah, the creepy kid fries people. get with the program. 

i also don’t enjoy watching men like the sheriff be condescending to scully. i guess he got his comeuppance (died) but still. there was no real narrative reason for him to be as big of a loser as he was. i thought maybe darin was his flop son, but seems not. 

overall, this episode was not my favorite. i didn't viscerally hate it like the past episodes i have found too jarring to even give a full walkthrough or anything, but it was a strange jump from how tight that last 3 episode arc felt. i hated darin. i normally find a few cute moments, but i'm drawing a blank on any today, beyond scully being able to identify a shoe size and mulder being impressed before learning it was literally on the bottom of the shoe. if that was intended as a sexual innuendo, it's much funnier to image otherwise. but i guess we did get scully in sunglasses, so i can't complain.

the real winner here is jack black.

[miradelletarot]

My level of "not ok" today is somewhere between I need to go home, shut the world away, and sleep all day, and maybe I should call my therapist.

[brown-little-robin]

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