#I'm realizing as I'm reading this that I don't think I've ever seen anyone try to write from Helen's POV

[chronomally]

Another thing I like about Jennifer Saint's writing is how comfortably she embraces different versions of the same myth. Clytemnestra has the "truth" of Iphigenia's death as she witnessed, while her children and the people of Mycenae have the version(s) they're comfortable with. How did Paris actually spirit Helen away from Sparta? No one knows because no one was there to see it, nor do we have Paris' or Helen's point of view to tell us, so all that's left is a swirl of rumors and Clytemnestra's own fears

[justwinginglife]

I've been deepdiving the hoshina tag and you are definitely one of my favourites to read from with the way you portray him 😭😭😭 so I'm wondering how it'd be with him and a reader that's always portrayed as the elegant and forward type... (kind of like shinobu kocho? if you're familiar with her) and on a rough mission he finds her like... heavily injured and he's thinking that it's the first time he's seen her so different from how she usually acts

this is my first time requesting ever.... so if there's some kind or etiquette I'm missing please don't hesitate to tell...........

THANK YOU SO MUCH! This means a lot to me! And, my dude, I just portray what I think of him- that he's the biggest freaking green flag EVER lol. And don't even worry about requesting etiquette, I just joined tumblr a couple weeks ago so you're totally fine, I wouldn't even know either. I'm just glad I could be your first request! Hope I do it justice, thanks again for your support. Also sorry for the wait. Also there were so many different ways I could've gone with this prompt so I hope the one I chose turns out okay.

Honest

There was always a line out the door of officers looking to train with you and today was no different.

Besides the fact that your technique was utterly flawless and you made combat look as graceful as ballet, you were also just stunningly gorgeous. Any man would die just to get a glimpse of you, let alone spar with you. Taking a punch to the face or a kick to the abdomen was an honor if it was from you.

And you were always the same with every man, you never showed any favoritism. You'd give them the same small smile, giving your honest advice when asked, but nothing more than that. You never even blinked at someone longer than you usually did with anyone else.

But even though it seemed like no one had caught (or could catch) your particular attention, there was in fact one man that you had to actively try to subdue your feelings for. You were thankful that no one had noticed that every time a certain Vice Captain walked into the room, your eyes always somehow wandered in the opposite direction of him. And when you'd hear him laugh or even just give out orders, your teeth would clench together to keep from smiling at his voice.

You weren't one to give away parts of yourself easily, having lost all of your family, but one day you'd suddenly found that it was much harder for you to not want to just give everything to him. Especially when you had realized that he was into you too. No matter where you were on campus, he'd make it his mission to find you, to be near you. He'd tell you his best jokes, trying to get you to crack more than just your usual small smile. He'd fight all out with you during training sessions, trying to get you to break a sweat for once, claiming that it did something to him watching you all worked up. It had become quite the strain on you, trying to treat him the same as everyone else when you were dying to just push him up against a wall and kiss him. You'd settle for even just holding his hand or brushing your shoulder up against his. But this wasn't like you- to want such immature, naive things.

You were someone who was wanted, you did not want. You were someone who was needed, you did not need. In fact, you were so hesitant to rely on anything, that if you could've figured out a way to live without oxygen you would've so as to not be indebted to the air filling your lungs.

Your skill and your independence were your swords and you wielded them with grace, distancing yourself from the crowds, but making yourself into a pretty show for them to watch. You were fine if they watched you, as long as that was all that they did. You couldn't imagine someone actually courting you, touching you, loving you.

But you did imagine Hoshina- it was more often than you'd like to admit and it irked you. You thought about just flat out ignoring him, turning down his requests to spar with you. But then he'd be different than everyone else. He'd be someone who spurred enough emotion in you to warrant unnatural behavior. And you refused to give in to emotion, especially emotion so childish and needy as something like love.

So you spent the day the way you always did, giving every officer a proper amount of time to train with you, and ending each session with a curt smile and a nod, gesturing for the next combatant to approach.

But then the alarm went off, signaling a kaiju attack. You thought you'd handle this the way you always did, no mess, no fuss, just efficient and effortless. But this was no ordinary kaiju and tonight was no ordinary night.

You had let all the lower ranking officers handle yoju duty and you had gone straight for the daikaiju. That was not abnormal behavior, you were always confident in your skills and they always served you well. But not tonight.

Tonight, you were humbled in the most brutal way possible.

Your fight had drawn you away from the rest of the squad, and now you were glad it had because you were ashamed to be in such a sorry, gruesome state. You had sustained heavy damage and for the first time in your life, you genuinely considered you might die here.

You thought of all the friends and family that you'd lost to war, kaiju, sickness. You wondered if you were ready to join them. It would be easier to let go.

"But I'm not done yet... I haven't..." You spit up blood, and shakily rise to your feet, groaning at the effort. I haven't even told him how I felt yet, damnit, you think to yourself, unable to speak the words aloud. Without meaning to, you being to cry. You don't have a free hand to wipe the tears away, as one clutches your dripping abdomen trying to stop the flow of blood, and one clings to your gun, aching as you attempt to raise it again. You fire a weak shot but your combat power is high enough that it distracts the kaiju for a moment.

And a moment is all that you need.

"Hey there, princess. You look like you could use a little saving. Don't worry, I won't tell the guys."

Right before your eyes, the beast suddenly splits into little dissected pieces and they rain down on the pavement, pelting the ground.

For the first time in years, you smile a real genuine smile as the Vice Captain holds his hand out to you. You're relieved to be alive to make it to another day, and you're shocked at how relieved you are. You don't remember when life began to feel so precious to you.

Maybe it was when you'd accidentally overheard a conversation where Hoshina was telling another officer that you'd be the one to bring hope to future generations.

Maybe it was when you'd forgotten your lunch one day and he'd sacrificed his lunch to leave it in your locker for you to find when your growling stomach had sent you hungrily ravaging through it for any snack you might've left behind.

Or maybe... maybe it was when your last living relative died and everyone whispered to each other about how cold you were for not shedding a tear and keeping your chin up when all you wanted to do was curl up and cry, but he alone told you in passing (not wanting to make a scene) that it was okay to grieve in whichever way you pleased.

And now he was holding a hand out to you. And you thought if you took it you might never let go. You might want to know where this led, what your feelings felt like when you let them roam wild, what he felt like in your arms.

Before you can decide if you truly want to take that terrifying step, his hand clasps yours and he pulls you in for a hug.

"You did good." He whispers in your ear.

You shake your head but you don't pull away from him. "I didn't. I almost died. You had to save me. I wasn't good enough."

"You're enough. You did well." He repeats, firmer this time.

You sigh against him, exhaling every pent up feeling you'd been holding on to. "Th-thank you, Vice Captain."

He pulls back a little and grins at you. "It's Soshiro, actually."

You bite your lip, trying to force down the warmth that's started to flood into your cheeks.

"You know I've never seen you like this before. It's a good look on you." He teases.

"Shut up, Soshiro."

He grins even wider at you using his first name so soon. "You get your butt kicked for the first time, you actually blush, and then you raise your voice at me? What is going on with you today?" He chuckles, nudging you playfully.

"I think... I think I might want to try something. Something different." You say finally.

He raises a curious eyebrow at you. "And what's that, princess?"

"Being honest with myself for once."

And with that, you pull him in and kiss him.

[junipers-archive]

Power-Outage

Word Count: 1.2k

Includes: fluff, fluff, fluff spencer x reader when a power-outage occurs and spencer being spencer and being adorably the perfect boyfriend

Dark. It is dark and you're alone and its honestly embarrassing how quickly you pick up your phone to call your boyfriend. I mean...who's still scared of the dark? What're you 5?

It's two in the morning and you shouldn't be calling, really. You've only been dating for a few weeks, but he's Spencer, he's technically been your best friend for 4 years, 3 months, 2 days. and...about 18 hours, but who's counting? You convince yourself you just need to hear his voice, his sweet, safe, angelic-

"H-hello?"his voice breaks from that of someone just woken up at an ungodly hour by his co-dependent girlfriend who so happened to have accidentally hit the call button while she was second-guessing herself.

Maybe he'll hang up? Maybe you can convince him you butt-called him in the middle of the night tomorrow at work? Or maybe-

"Y/n baby I'm really gonna need you to respond before i drive over there." he sounds calm, not at all agitated, not at all like someone woken up at 2 in the morning, he sounds...like Spencer

"Hi..." You exhale into the mic with relief. You should say something, really say something, apologize, yes that's what you'll do "I'm sorry I shouldn't have called, god I'm so idiotic...I just-well the power just went out and its 2 in the morning and I really should get some sleep but-"

You're cut off by the jingling of keys on the other line.

"Spence you still there?"

"I'm on my way." Was that a car door?

"On your wayy..." It takes you second, or it takes your un-caffienated and sleep deprived brain a second to realize he means he's coming over to your house. Your home. Where you live.

And yes you're bestfriends with him and you've had sleepovers before but that was when you were ready. That was when you had cleaned.

"No! Spencer No! That is completely unessecary! I'm fine! I just wanted someone to talk to and I thought-"

The engine of his car starts. You can hear him trying to repress the laugh that graces your ears every time he knows something you're trying to hide from his genius mind.

"I'm already pulling out of the drive-way, forget about it. Plus I know you're afraid of dark."

Maybe he'll turn around if you just- "Spencer. I am not afraid of the dark. That is childish and obsurd and I mean im not a little kid anymore! You can just go home, go to bed and forget this ever happened"

There's a silence on the other end, besides the hum of the car, absolute silence.

Until, "Do you still have the candle I got your for Christmas?"

Of course. Of course Dr. Spencer freakin Reid wouldn't believe you. I mean he knows you better than anyone. What were you thinking?

"Yea spence. Yea I have the candle"

He hums in response and you can practically hear him grinning on the other end.

You admit defeat.

"Can you at least bring over some marshmallows? I'm all out from our last movie night." You would honestly rather have him over as soon as possible if it weren't for your hideous room and the pile of "i'll get to it" in the living room haunting your mind. This will at least buy you time.

But again he's dr. reid. "I've already got some from my stash, jumbo and small and snowmen shaped. And of course hot chocolate!"

He's perfect. He's everything and more you could've asked for.

And yet. ANd yet. At this very moment you'd like to strangle him. And not that impersonal type of cowardly strangle like really just-

"Don't be embarrassed baby. I've already seen your room at its worst. I'll be there in ten, turn on the candle and read your books for now."

You hear him knock on the door a few minutes later, as to not disturb the neighbors. Because of course, he's Spencer and would've thought about that too.

You run with the only flashlight you have to the front door, and you're greeted by a ruffled, grinning and ever-charming Spencer with his satchel stuffed with god knows what and wearing his periodic table of elements pjs.

You mirror his grin almost immediately, albeit sheepishly and look down to hide your own embarrassment...only to find him wearing the pink bunny slippers he'd stolen from your house only a few days ago.

With that all or any ego-preservation skills were out the window. He was here already...right?

You let him in, still staring down at your shoes as he leads you two straight for the kitchen, opening and closing cabinets to find the ingredients and kitchenware as if he'd lived there his whole life.

You take a seat at the kitchen's island stool, and watch him work.

This should be embarrassing. I mean it is. It is!

That is, until he hands you a steaming cup of hot chocolate with little snowman marshmallows dissolving on top and smiling like he hasn't just driven 8 miles with these ingredients to make you happy because you called him.

You called him at 2 in the morning.

And with that the unease floods back. And you're hiding your face in your hands and mumbling something incoherent.

This is when he finally speaks. "So...you wanna build a fort?"

You rub your eyes and look up at him. "i-i'm sorry?"

"We should build a fort." He's assertive in this, something at another time you would've found very hot, but at this moment it concerns you. Because to any other person what you've just done would be unacceptable.

"You...want to...build a fort?"

"I find it helps, I mean...at least when I was younger my mom and dad, they used to help me build forts when the power went out. To distract me if anything. It was kind of the only time I remember them getting along."He chuckles and looks down bashfully.

And now all you can think of is building a fort with the beautiful boy in front of you.

"Yea, yea i'd really love it if we built a fort."

And you do, you build a fort with what now you deem as you're future husband. Lighting the other candle he brought you on the counter that fills the air with your favorite scent and finding battery power camping lamps in your closet to light up the room.

He tells you stories about the kinds of forts he used to build and to the best of both your abilities you try to recreate his favorite.

By around 5:30 in the morning the sun is rising and you're both past out in the center of the monstrosity you two created while high on a sugar rush provided by the hot chocolate and one two many marshmallow snowmen consumed.

But you'll remember this for the rest of your life you think. You'll remember Spencer for the rest of your life. Because no one, no one would understand how to make you forget your biggest fear like he did.

While surrounded by darkness all you could see was him.

He was your light.

He was your light, and for as long as he'd have you, you'd be his too.

[the-final-sif]

what is your opinion on the situation?

I've been at work all day so I haven't been able to sit down with stuff fully, it also seems like Caiti is planning to release a statement later today with more information I think? So I'd like to get her response there, but based on what I've seen so far I think I fall more on the side of "people made some dumb choices and should learn from them" than anything else.

Consent is messy and it gets messier when people start lying or are drunk. In this case, both Caiti and George were drunk. From what I understand, either Caiti had a 21+ wristband from the vidcon party, or her friend group did and assumed since she was drinking with them, she was also 21+.

Honestly, when it comes to the matter of underage drinking, I don't think it's even remotely fair to place blame on Dream/George for that. The blame there lies with Caiti deciding to drink while under 21, and on her friends, Ghostie and the other person present who were both over 21. Unlike Dream/George, both of them knew Caiti and knew exactly how old she was and were letting her drink. They were also letting her drink with no one sober and no one making sure she got home.

Now, Caiti is 18 and also I'm not a goddamn square, I'm not gonna stand here and be like "oh no drinking at 18 clutch my pearls" but like, if people are going to blame other people for that situation, that very much lies with Caiti's friends who knew they had an underage person drinking with them. I feel like people are weirdly assigning blame to Dream/George for not like, iding every person they hang out with (particularly if she had a 21+ bracelet at vidcon, which would mean she already got IDed). While completely avoiding placing any blame on the people who 100% knew they were taking an 18 year old drinking without a doubt.

Putting that aside, from my understanding George's side is he believed at the time that she was having fun, and the most they did was cuddle on a couch with other people there. He believed at the time that everything was cool, and that she later decided she was uncomfortable with what happened.

Honestly, I don't really think that's an unfair reading. At this same party, her best friend was there and from Ghostie's own words, she also didn't realize Caiti was uncomfortable until several months later when Caiti told her. If her best friend didn't notice she was uncomfortable or see anything wrong, then I find it hard to think anyone else would pick up on it.

There's certainly risks taken here that I wouldn't have taken. I think that George needs to do better with checking for consent and maybe vetting the people you're hanging out with. Although I also understand that doing a full background check on everyone you ever meet is an absurd requirement and if, at the time, they trusted the person that they actually invited, I get how that shit happens. Per consent, given that he was also drunk, I get how it may've appeared to him that he had consent. I do think it's still something to work on, but I'm also perfectly aware that in real life, people are often going off vibes and social cues, and sometimes those don't mash.

I also think that Caiti's friends have been pretty shitty throughout this. They take no responsibility for having let an 18 year old drink and then ditching her. They are absolutely milking drama out of this shit and they have a weird obsession with blaming Dream for shit he had no fault in.

As for Dream, I don't think he did anything wrong here. Full stop. If Caiti's best friend didn't notice that she was uncomfortable or unhappy, it's insanely unreasonable to expect Dream to have managed that. He was also drunk and hanging out with people, and he had no way of knowing Caiti was underage. None of that shit was his fault, and his statement seems very measured and reasonable. People are trying to blame him for things that he had absolutely no part in, and the UK group are absolutely trying to pull that shit.

Overall, sounds like several people involved made dumb choices, I hope they learn and grow. Otherwise all of this honestly sounds like shit that should've been talked out privately and not tossed to the internet for speculation. Human beings are messy and will fuck up sometimes. This feels like a case of miscommunication and people making risky choices that left people with some hurt.

Again, I may change my mind with further evidence presented, but that's how it feels to me.

[veltana]

Mafia AU prequels - Bucky's break-up

✦ Pairing: Stucky/Fem!Reader ✦ Word count: ~1.7k ✦ Rating: Mature ✦ Warnings/tags: hurt/comfort, mild swearing, angst, mentions of alcohol consumption, lots of fluff and feels, platonic cuddling, sharing a bed, Bucky is a dramatic drunk, unrequited love/crush, mention of loki/reader. ✦ Summary: The thing with roommates is that you will hear them during sex occasionally, it can’t be avoided with thin walls in an old building. But since that Wednesday Bucky never once slept alone and the rest of the time he was hardly in the apartment. ✦ Note: This is a prequel to No one as sweet as you set while they were living together in college, which focuses on their growing relationship and how Bucky and Steve started to develop feelings for Sweets as more than just their best friend. You don't need to read No one as sweet as you to get this but I recommend it. (Also posted on AO3)

Series masterlist

Masterlist | AO3

Bucky and Dot broke up on a Wednesday around lunch. On Wednesday night Bucky had a new girl in his bed and you and Steve shrugged, put on your headphones, and waited for it to blow over.

The thing with roommates is that you will hear them during sex occasionally, it can’t be avoided with thin walls in an old building. But since that Wednesday Bucky never once slept alone and the rest of the time he was hardly in the apartment.

With your room right in between Steve and Bucky’s, you took the brunt of the sounds and on Friday morning you decided to take shelter in Steve’s room because the girl was a screamer and you had barely slept for two days.

Now it’s Tuesday, around one am and both Steve and you are awake, listening to the moans and sounds making their way through your room and into Steve’s.

"How does he even do it?" Steve sounds a little amazed as you both lay in bed and stare at the ceiling. "Drugs?" you ask. "Honestly, it has to be, how else is he going at it all the time like that?" "Maybe they're all faking it?" you suggest.

"I've never heard anyone complain about him," Steve shrugs. "But I mean statistically he can’t get it right for everyone every time." "If he does, he is one of a kind," you decide. "Tempted to go for a ride?" You hear the smile in Steve's voice without even looking. "No, not really," you grimace. "We should do something, I’m not sure it’s healthy anymore."

"Yeah I know, Sweets, but if I try and grab him like he did with me when I was sad about Peggy he is probably going to punch me," Steve sounds concerned too.

Sweets, that dorky nickname they both have decided to call you because you happen to like all things sweet. Somehow it had stuck, even though you protested. "I can try and talk to him," you pause before continuing. "If he is ever alone again."

Suddenly the front door slams and you realize that the sounds have stopped. Sharing a look both of you rush out of bed, finding Bucky in the kitchen, downing a gallon of juice.

"Want some?" He holds it out when he sees you. The smell of alcohol on his breath is strong, even when you’re a few feet away, pulling out a chair to sit down across from where he’s standing. "No thank you," you answer while Steve leans against the fridge. "So, who was that?" you ask.

Bucky shrugs. "Don't know, met her at a bar." "Are you using protection?" Steve asks with a raised eyebrow. Bucky straightens up, putting the open juice jug down hard on the counter, making liquid slosh out, looking at Steve with black eyes that you’ve never seen before.

"Of course I am, do you think I'm fucking dumb or somethin'," he snarls. Bucky tends to be a little dramatic when he's drunk. In an effort to calm him down you reach out to him. "Hey, Bucky, it's okay, he wasn't-" The moment your fingers touch his arm, he turns and moves his hand. "Don't fucking touch me," he says and the palm of his hand connects with your underarm.

Out of surprise and not because it hurts, you yelp and look up at Bucky, a little confused because he’s never reacted like that before. He stares back at you with horrified eyes, realization dawning on him. Slowly, without another word, he backs away and hurries over to his room, slamming the door behind him like a teenager in a fit.

Steve moves forward and grabs your arm, turning it over to see if you’re hurt. "What the fuck is wrong with him," he murmurs. "It's nothing, I was just surprised," you shrug. "I've hurt myself worse by bumping into tables." "That is no fucking excuse." Steve lets go and starts towards Bucky's door. Before he can knock, Bucky opens it with a bag over his shoulder. He's changed into new clothes and his cap is pulled down low over his eyes.

Steve blocks the doorway and crosses his arms, asking "Where the fuck are you going?" "Heading out, move," Bucky mumbles and tries to duck past Steve but the other won't let him. "The fuck your not, you're gonna stay here and face whatever it is that you’re feeling," Steve's voice is laced with restrained anger. "And you're gonna apologize to Sweets."

You’re about to protest that you're not really hurt, but Steve shoots a look over his shoulder and you clamp your mouth shut. "We understand that you're sad about Dot," Steve is softer now and he leans on the doorframe, giving Bucky a way out but he doesn't take it, he just stands there, looking at the ground.

"You don't understand shit, Steve," Bucky mutter. "Have you even cried?" Steve asks and that makes Bucky’s head snap up, his mouth a thin line. "Real men don't fucking cry," he hisses. They stare at each other for a long while, then Steve points to you. "Can real men apologize when they're being a fucking ass?" Steve asks with poorly hidden disdain.

This is a sore spot for both of them and has been the grounds for arguments before. Bucky has some views on what it means to be a man that neither Steve nor you share. It has gotten better over the years according to Steve but you have not seen Bucky cry once, not to sad movies or when he’s been injured, or even had his heart broken. It's concerning, but maybe you and Steve can help him with that one day.

The bag lands on the floor with a thump and he walks past Steve to where you're sitting on the chair. Without a word he gets down on his knees in front of you and gently grabs your arm, pressing his lips against your skin murmuring "I'm sorry," repeatedly.

Steve has turned to look at you and you meet his eyes that are still hard and annoyed. You use your free hand to remove the cap and run your fingers through Bucky's hair, whispering, "It's okay."

When you do, Bucky stiffens and stops moving for a moment, then he lets go of your arm and buries his face in your pajama-clad lap, his voice trembling when he says, "I'll move out, I swear. I'm so sorry! I'm sorry, Sweets! I didn’t mean to hurt you! I love you so much."

Steve softens immediately and pushes off the door to settle on the floor beside him, rubbing his back. “No need for that Buck,” he says softly and you echo him. “I don’t want you to leave Bucky,” you grab one of his hands and gently press a kiss to the top of it before placing it back again.

After several minutes of silence, Bucky asks angrily into your legs, "Why the fuck does it have to hurt this much.” "I don't know," you answer truthfully. "I wish I never met her, never fucked her, never fucking loved her,” Bucky continues. "No, you don't," Steve argues. "I know it might feel like you will never be happy again but it will get better." Bucky lifts his head and Steve cups his face and brushes his cheeks, even though there are no tears there.

"We love you, and we will help you with anything you need," you promise. Bucky nods and lays his head down against your legs again with Steve's hand still on his cheek.

Eventually, Steve stands up and Bucky looks at him a little worried. "Not leaving, just gonna get another blanket for the bed," he reassures him. While Steve is gone Bucky says, "I'm sorry I hurt you, I love you, Sweets, more than you could ever know." And you smile because even though you know he’s exaggerating, it’s still nice to hear him say it. "I know Bucky, I know," you whisper.

When Steve comes back he pulls Bucky to his feet and guides him into the bedroom. You check the front door before turning all the lights out, then padding over to Steve's room too. They're cuddled together, Bucky's head pressed into Steve's shoulder and you move to slide in behind Bucky, but he grabs you around the waist and pulls you down between them. It makes you giggle and there is a weak smile answering on Bucky's face before you all settle in.

There is not even a light bruise left behind on your arm the next day, but you've never seen Bucky so remorseful. In the following weeks, he accompanies you around to classes, carries your stuff, and has sworn off drinking. Both you and Steve are skeptical because Bucky is famous for his partying but in the months that follow he often goes out but always comes home sober.

One day when you're having lunch at home together on the couch, you ask him about it.

First, he puts his food down before taking hold of your utensils and placing them on the table. Then he grabs you and pulls you into his lap, hugging you so tightly you can hardly breathe.

"I never want to put you in that situation again," he explains. "What if I get angry and do something worse, to you, or Steve, or anyone else." Hugging him back as best you can you say "Maybe you should talk to a professional about it?" "I'm on a waiting list," he replies.

You cuddle into him, really trying to show him that you mean it when you say, "Bucky I'm not afraid of you, I know you didn't mean to hurt me." "Don't make excuses for me," he says and picks up a strand of your hair, twirling it between his fingers.

The moment is cut off by your phone chiming and you wiggle out of his hold. When you pull it out a smile splits your face. "Have to go," you grab another spoonful of fried rice then get up. "Who was that?" Bucky asks.

Since you’re halfway to the door you don't pick up on his tone. "Just someone I've been seeing," "What's his name?" "Loki, he's from Europe!" You turn around with a smile and throw him a kiss before you're out the door.

Bucky feels his heart break, again, only this time he has no excuse to be sad about it because you aren't his.

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[raticalshoez]

Heavily based on this post! Please check it out cause it's such a cool analysis of the Canary Curse type stuff!

In this post, op points out how Jimmy's canary stuff still lingers, just in a different form, but the thing that really stood out to me is how his allies seemed to always be doomed to die faster upon being allied with him. I remember thinking, huh, this reminds me a lot of someone else.

Then it clicked that that someone else (or multiple someones) was Grian, and Pearl. I've seen both associated with losing their closest allies, and given that these three are heavily headcanoned to be siblings, I thought it was so interesting.

We all know Grian's curse, which my favorite way of referring to is the Icarus Curse. His closest ally in his alliance tends to meet an untimely demise that is often (unintentionally) by his own hand. Those allies are Icarus, and he is the sun he burns their wings and causes them to fall. He got his curse first, all the way back in 3rd Life.

I'm wary to refer to Pearl's as a curse as opposed to an unfortunate pattern given that it hasn't been around for nearly as long, but I think Pearl's started in Double Life when she won. Ever since then, Pearl's been trying to make sure anyone in her alliance wins, as long as it's not her. Yet she tends to always outlive said allies, and she's always distraught about it. With limited research, I have learned that the moon is associated with not only being a guide and aprotecter, but is also connected with the concept of death. I don't think I would call Pearl's "curse" the Moon Curse cause it sounds a bit silly to me, but the description of a guide and protector failing to guide and protect the ones she wants to is just so bitter to me. It also doesn't help that she was seen as a bad omen in Double Life already, adding more salt to the wound.

Now, I don't wanna say Jimmy's the last one to develop this dooming others trait because as the other post states, Jimmy's been dooming his allies to die earlier ever since 3rd Life, but I think the full extent of his curse has only ever been fully realized in Secret Life and honestly, Real Life too because in my heart that season is real (pun not intended lol). People would always think that Jimmy's curse would doom him specifically, a curse that would cause death to catch him first, but of course a canary in a coal mine doesn't have to stay there. Again, the post linked goes into detail about Jimmy's side of things, but when I read it, I came to a realization that all the Skyblings are really just connected with the concept of death.

[piratefalls]

welcome back to the latest edition of biweekly fic recs! as always, mind the tags, if you can't leave a nice comment don't leave one at all, and happy reading!

masterlist.

There's No Problem That San Diego Can't Solve by @historicallysam

Alex doesn’t even bother knocking; he simply twists the knob on the door and shoves it open. His eyes narrow as the door bangs against the wall and he sees Henry on the phone. Maybe (definitely) it’s rude but his blood is fucking boiling so he doesn’t really care.

All the Ocean was Sleeping by @sparklepocalypse

The worst part about being a siren in the modern era, Henry ponders as yet another ship flies past his cove at a speed that he knows will disturb the anemone gardens below, is the yacht bros. Between the sound of their vessels’ motors and the dissonant noise the humans call music, Henry’s singing has no chance of attracting anyone’s attention.

cause you're a classic, and i'm reckless by @firenati0n

“I've, actually, uh. I've never done this before.” At this, Henry stops short, takes a second as his gaze moves up and to the left, trying to recall something. “I've seen your films. You most certainly have done intimate scenes.” Alex clears his throat. He hopes his nerves aren't completely obvious, the slight waver in his voice about to give him away. “Yeah, well. Never with a man, so. Not at this scale, anyway.” “Would it help to, er, practice?" Henry winces a little as he says it, which does not inspire confidence. But Alex is shocked nonetheless. What the fuck?

Over Land and Sea by SatinBirds

Alex and Henry come from very different worlds, and still, they manage to find each other.

Clean Slate by smc_27

“Henry.” Pez comes over, puts both hands on Henry’s cheeks and looks him dead in the eye. “You are not a sad man who’s gotten dumped. You’re in the prime of your life, and I quite desperately need you to act like it.” “The prime of my life,” Henry scoffs, more incredulous than questioning. “I’ve just gotten out of a 15 year relationship, endured a divorce, am suffering an almost impressive case of writer’s block, and your hands are like bloody icicles.” Pez grins, doesn’t take his hands away. “Explain to me how this is my prime. Please.” Pez tilts his head, and sounds entirely serious when he says, “Literally anything can happen from here.”

in bloom by stutteringpeach

Yoo, can u hook me up with some flowers?? It's the busiest day of the year for florists. Alex texts Henry with a last minute request.

here is a map (with your name for a capital) by @alasse9

That day at the Rio de Janeiro Olympics, Alex comes across the very same Prince Henry who just dismissed him having a panic attack in a bathroom. The choice Alex makes then has ripple effects neither of them could have ever expected. What's the story like, when they actually are friends all along? “So, you’re going back to England tonight, and you’ll spend the next three days pretending you two are the closest and best of friends until we can put this mess behind us.” And there are reasons he hasn’t told anybody this, good reasons, even though he’s sure June and Nora saw through him ages ago. Faced with his mom’s disappointment, though, and with the realization that the entire world apparently thinks he hates Henry and would willingly shove him into a fucking cake, he can’t stay quiet. “But we are friends,” he says, vehement and serious. “We have been for years. He’s—he’s probably my best friend, actually, along with Nora.”

thoughts of you consume by yrsonpurpose

Henry sees Alex appear on the red carpet in a blue suit that screams sex on legs and is ready to throw away all attempts at concealing their secret relationship in the name of dropping to his knees at the first available opportunity.

eyes on me by matherine

Alex’s hips buck back against Henry’s mouth the moment his tongue does more than tease, and Henry squeezes his hip in gentle consternation. But before he can say anything, Alex is already rambling. “Sorry, I’m — I’m sorry, I know you said not to move, and I’m trying, I — I’m trying to be good, I promise,” he blurts, voice shaking ever so slightly from something that certainly doesn’t sound like pleasure, resolutely refusing to turn his head so that he can meet Henry’s gaze from where he’s positioned behind him. Henry’s heart aches. “Alex — love, it’s alright. Where’s your mind?” Or: Sometimes, Alex needs a distraction. Something to take the edge off, to scrub away at the stress of the day. Some days, it works better than others. 

the evolution of intimacy by Poutini

There’s no spontaneity anymore. One might think this boring. That the novelty had worn off. The spark snuffed. Absolutely not

Want Me by OrchidScript

Henry had always been weak for a nice smile, but his was impossible to ignore. Blame it on summer heat and a fresh flush in his cheeks. Blame it on sunset painting the outdoor bar sweltering, romantic colors. Blame it on two healthy glasses of albariño thrumming in his bloodstream, or the good music floating on the air. Henry could blame it on anything liked if he thought long and hard about it, but that didn’t change much at the end. The core remained the same: he had been gone from the jump. -- Henry and Alex hook up on a vacation in Spain. Henry falls a bit deeper.

fill my lungs with sweetness by @priincebutt

Henry George Edward James Fox-Mountchristen-Windsor wakes up at 3 AM on his birthday to an empty bed. What could Alex possibly be getting up to at 3 AM the night before his birthday? The possibilities are endless.

got myself in quite a tangle by coffeecatsme

"It seems I've gotten myself in quite a tangle." "Tangle?" Henry's voice is hoarse, eyes darkened as they travel over Alex's body. They stop at his crotch, and Alex can see it even under the dim lights—Henry's growing hard too, a visible bulge pushing at his sweatpants. Alex's cock gives a desperate twitch. "Y'know, I was trying to put them around the tree," he starts, gesturing at the plain tree at the corner. It's clear he didn't even attempt to touch it. "And somehow I've managed to completely trap myself. Can't even move my hands." Henry makes a desperate noise at the back of his throat as his eyes snap up to Alex's face. Alex flashes him a suggestive grin, teeth biting down on his lip. "Seems I'm completely at your mercy."

The Forces of Chance and Coincidences by @stellarm

Bad weather leads to a late flight that leads to no one being where they wanted to be, but maybe everyone was where they needed to be.

I've never felt safer (than when I'm with you) by viciouslyqueer

Alex takes the bag and opens it slowly, careful not to rip it, and gasps quietly as he sees what’s inside. “H, you didn’t…” Strong arms wrap around his waist from behind, Henry’s chest warm against his back. “Do you like it?” Henry asks in a whisper, resting his chin on Alex’s shoulder. Alex doesn’t know what to say. Gingerly, like he might ruin it with even the smallest touch, he takes out the silky fabric and holds it up in front of them. It’s a gorgeous dress, fancy too, in a deep red color with thin straps and an open back. It’s long, almost touching the floor even as Alex holds it up and has a slit on the left side that would probably end a little above Alex’s knee.

An Amateur's Guide to Professional Gift-Giving by anincompletelist

Alex, a former-law-student-taking-some-time-off turned professional part-time gift giver, is tasked with finding a gift for the most high profile client he's ever worked with, both in and out of the world of law. It turns out finding the perfect gift for the Prince of Wales might be easier than he'd anticipated.

Love At First Bark by everwitch

“I still don’t know your name, do I?” Henry watches Alex where he’s crouched down in front of David and gently scratching David below his chin. David absolutely loves Alex. Henry can relate. “It’s David,” Henry supplies. “Cool,” Alex says. “And what’s the dog’s name?” Henry blinks at him. “... David?” “What?” Alex exclaims. He looks from David to Henry and then back at David again. “Wow, okay, that is a choice.” Henry wants to sink through the earth and never come back up again.

don't let me get drunk again by headabovethewater

Alex had never wanted to cancel plans as much as he had while watching Henry pull a pair of light wash, tight jeans over his stockinged legs and bare ass. Christ, he’s getting hard thinking about it now.

The Beginner's Guide to Floristry by clottedcreamfudge

As if there's anything romantic about it; as if it's not the most humiliating death Alex can imagine. This is why he doesn't do relationships. This is why he never will. The risk, as far as he fucking sees it, is too great. -- Hanahaki Disease is a fictional disease where the victim of unrequited or one-sided love begins to vomit or cough up the petals and flowers of a flowering plant growing in their lungs, which will eventually grow large enough to render breathing impossible.

Everything you take, you make it better. So go on, take forever by @hgejfmw-hgejhsf

It's 2024, and nobody knows they're engaged. But they will, just as soon as Alex can decide what to wear to his birthday dinner. Henry has an idea and a special gift to match.

false pretenses by rizcriz

Henry spins around, glaring at Alex. “For christs sake,” He hisses, holding a hand out between them. “Can we just not? I do not have the capacity to pretend to hate you today.” Alex splutters as Henry turns on his heel and starts to walk away. He stares after him helplessly. “Pretend?” After a beat, he starts to follow after him, “What the fuck do you mean pretend?” Three years of breathing down each others necks, fighting every time they come in contact with each other. And if Henry is saying every single thing on his end has been pretend, Alex Claremont-Diaz is going to have a fucking breakdown. Because he has been harboring this stupid fucking crush and burying it beneath false antagonism, meeting Henry where he’s at, for three years, and if Henry is implying that they’re both faking it— -- or, Alex learns better.

turn the desert to glass (you would be the one) by @taste-thewaste

Henry and Alex's domestic bliss has lead to some changes in Henry's body. Henry doesn't really mind being a little chubby, but he wonders if Alex does. Alex, it turns out, does not. Not one bit. He does not mind one bit, and he is more than eager to prove it.

coming on fast like good dreams do by cricketnationrise

When Henry recovers from his unexpected factory reset, he still can’t really breathe properly and somehow Alex is still standing in front of him with a hopeful and excited expression on his face. “Run that by me again?” he asks faintly. “I need your help.” “Right…” “I need you to edge me. Like a lot,” Alex says with a shrug. Nope, it’s not any clearer a second time around.

as always, let me know if you want to be tagged in future lists, whether you're a reader or writer!

tagging @starkfridays @stilesgivesmefeels @midnightsfp @sarahjswift @enablelove

[mcflymemes]

AS SAID BY CASSANDRA PENTAGHAST  *  assorted dialogue from dragon age inquisition, updated version

the truth is more important than my reputation, and anyone willing to accuse me of weakness is welcome to try.

i cannot stop thinking of our earlier discussion.

you enjoy making things complicated, don't you?

you can't be serious.

i simply wanted to steal a moment, while i still can.

i will not let him take you from me.

i want a man who sweeps me off my feet, who gives me flowers and reads me poetry by candlelight. i want the ideal.

pretend you don't know this about me.

the flirting. with me. i've... noticed it. unless it is my imagination, which is entirely possible.

i'm thinking less flattering things now.

perhaps this would be a good time to stop talking.

what makes you think i would welcome your pity?

you so rarely call me by my name, [name]. why is that?

you were together for a long time?

i enjoy fighting at your side, [name].

you're not as handsome as you think.

romance is not the sole province of dithering ladies in frilly dresses. it is passion. it is being swept away by the pursuit of an ideal. what is not to like about that?

i was hoping we could speak privately.

you're smiling a great deal these days. do you always do it while staring dreamily into the distance?

such fascinations reveal far more about the teller than the truth.

i did not realize it took so little to exceed your expectations.

i do not trust any event where hitting someone isn't an option.

me? in a dress? it's ludicrous!

what would i have to blush about?

i take it you think i'm frightening?

if you had done that in our last sparring match, you might have won.

were you not suggesting earlier i should be more intimidating?

how is manipulating and bullying people supposed to be enjoyable?

i don't wear "underpants."

if you are going to pursue this, make it worth it. be happy.

i've never considered what i must look like to someone common. i must indeed seem terrifying.

i wasn't very interested to begin with.

you will never let that go, will you?

i do not "rough people up."

do not pretend to be an innocent bystander.

are you eager to see me go?

what we had was fleeting.

this... is not a discussion i want to have here.

not all my feelings involve stabbing.

i am not without my sympathy, especially given recent events.

i thought you might be concerned.

i suppose that is all we will ever know.

thank you, [name]. that... does make me feel better.

i assume you have advice?

when it is done, i promise what you have done here will not be forgotten.

i thought you would be pleased.

no one has ever accused me of reinforcing reality before.

i should not have asked.

you have seen so much sadness in your journeys.

your opinion of me must be very low to surprise you so often.

i know myself and i cannot be the leader we need. thus, i have no regrets.

the world hinges on our actions. we face death at every turn.

it was an accident. well... mostly an accident.

we must pray it never comes to that.

what made you change your mind?

[yanderes-galore]

HI- I know I'm super late- But I hoping I could get this in- I was hoping for Y!Kugo Sakamata from MHA, romantic Hc's and if it's too late please go head and ignore this

It's been a bit since I've seen MHA and I don't recall Gang Orca having a big role plot-wise. Despite this, I'll try my best to write him using the personality I found on the wiki. I hope you like the HCs I came up with regardless, even if they aren't intense.

Yandere! Kugo Sakamata/Gang Orca Concept

Pairing: Romantic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Manipulation, Overprotective behavior, Possessive behavior, Animalistic behavior, Animal-like courting, Violence, Stalking, Brief blood mention, Dubious relationship

According to what I've read, Kugo is a calm and focused Pro Hero.

He's friendly and good towards his fellow Pro Heroes.

Although when he was pretending to be a villain, he can put on a cruel and ruthless persona to fit the role.

He likes to see students improve in UA and learn from their own mistakes.

He takes teaching seriously.

Under the intimidating appearance, Kugo is actually quite soft.

He would be this way with his beloved, too.

I like to think due to his quirk he displays orca-like courting with his obsession, even if he doesn't mean it.

I'm talking like... he makes small vocalizations towards you when he holds you and stuff like that.

Kugo may be possessive with you, too.

I actually imagine most heroes who have animal quirks act like that animal at times.

In terms of how you could've met Kugo, maybe you're a new Pro-Hero or are working alongside him in some way.

His obsession starts as just him wanting to watch over you and protect you as a fellow ally.

It's then his feelings would develop once he realizes he isn't staying professional.

For example, when around you he makes small clicking sounds when talking to you.

Or when you're talking with someone else, especially someone you may have an interest in, he seems oddly moody or aggressive.

Others are a bit concerned about it but Kugo does his best to brush it off.

While he has the ability to paralyze his enemies, I don't imagine he'll use such an ability on you.

That or if he did, it would be nearly unheard of.

He cares too much for his partner to harm them.

Kugo is durable, strong, and fast.

If I remember correctly, he also uses sidekicks to his advantage.

If he was worried about you, he'd probably send you a few to watch over you.

That would also be his only way of stalking you since I imagine he can be busy.

I like the idea that he's soft with you despite his intimidating nature since he is fond of being a teacher for kids.

He'd never mean to scare you on purpose.

In fact, due to being a Pro Hero, I doubt he'd fatally harm anyone unless he had to for your safety.

Even then he'll reassure you that you're safe and tell you he had to in order to protect you.

If you were already in a relationship, Kugo keeps you in his home.

He likes you safe and often uses that as an excuse.

In reality he may just like you away from prying eyes.

Talking more about orca characteristics, when he holds you close and you're alone he definitely makes noises.

If he's flirting with you or showing affection, he'd make vocalizations towards and love it if you touch around his eyes or mouth.

Not going to lie, a possessive and protective yandere fits for him.

If you say you want to go outside and continue your work, he turns it down.

If you wanted to teach young heroes he may relent though.

He'd adore you if you were good with kids.

If you ever got hurt, Kugo would go ballistic.

He may not even care who else gets hurt as long as it means he can protect you.

At the peak of his obsession, you may be isolated and under watch by your "partner".

Doesn't matter if you were dating prior to this or not, you'll be in his home where you belong.

He tells you not to worry... that he'll protect you no matter what... you should only rely on him as your partner...

Just listen to him and nothing will hurt you in this cruel world, he'll guarantee that even if it means there's blood on his hands.

[shychick-52]

Louie and Della's development (long post)

In honor of Louie and Della Day (which I'm a day late for), I thought I'd post my favorite scenes:

I always found it very interesting that in 'The Secret of Castle McDuck', Louie was the most upset and affected by Dewey keeping his investigation and findings about their mom a secret (and I love how it clearly sounds like he's holding back tears; fantastic reading by Bobby Moynihan).

"You kept a secret about Mom."

"That is not ok."

And when Della came back in 'Nothing Can Stop Della Duck', he thought it was way too good to be true, thinking it was "a trick, or a curse from Magica, or a parallel universe" (and it was perfect how the most street-smart and shifty triplet was immediately on his guard- because like he said in another episode, "You can't outcon a con"- and the thing is, his concerns were totally valid and not that farfetched after everything they've seen and experienced with Scrooge):

And I love how he couldn't keep up his reservations for more than a few seconds before tearfully embracing her with his brothers:

"Mom!"

And... ngl, that's why I hate how Louie immediately goes back to being skeptical, reserved, and forcing himself to be emotionally distant throughout nearly the rest of the episode, even after Della spoke from the bottom of her heart (before she began trying to bond with them):

"Boys, I don't know what to say. Except that I am so sorry I ever set foot on that rocket. I never meant to leave you... or miss your first steps... or potty-training..."

"What I'm trying to say is... for a decade, I have fought to get back to this family. And I will fight every day to be a part of it, if you'll have me."

Louie is still uncertain, and starts to say "I- I-" but the others eagerly embrace her and declare them to be a family again.

It always bothers me that Dewey had to force Louie's hand on top of Della's.

*Still speaking from her heart* "I missed you so much! You deserve to have the best mom and I'm going to be the best mom, starting right now!"

And YES, before anyone says it, I do get why Louie felt the way he did, especially being the most independent and cynical triplet:

"Hey, look, don't get me wrong. Of course I'm happy to have Mom back. I don't know, it's probably my fault... I've gone so long without a mom, I guess I don't really know how to have one?"

His feelings are absolutely understandable and valid, and she was still basically a stranger to him at that point- I mean, Donald kept them in the dark about their mom and her legacy (their whole family legacy) all their lives, and it took finding out their brother was secretly investigating her for him and Huey to find out more about her and the Spear of Selene- but it still disappoints me after how upset he was about Dewey keeping secrets about her, how he was so quick to emotionally accept her right after being so instinctively skeptical at first, and after her emotional, earnest speech to them.

It bothers me that it took her risking her life to save Louie to prove herself to him, or to realize she truly does care. Like, not only is she a veteran adventurer, but she's their mom- ofc she'd do that without thinking twice about it!

But I absolutely love her end speech and Louie's response. It didn't feel like a rehash of her speech from earlier in the episode, when you think about the conversation she overheard about them struggling to come to terms with having her in their lives (especially how Louie was the most skeptical):

"Huey. Dewey. Louie. I know you're not used to having a mom. And I am not used to being one. But I'll figure it out as we go along."

Louie: "We all will."

And I always get emotional during their conversation in the season 2 finale, "Moonvasion". It felt like not only a perfect conclusion to Louie's arc in that season, but the development of his and Della's relationship (including after all unfortunate drama starting in 'Timephoon') . Scared for their future because of the Moonvasion, Della is sadly humming her old lulaby as she looks at her drawing of her boys. Louie notices she's alone and apparently not doing so great, and actually feels comfortable enough to approach her about it:

"Hey, Mom."

"I drew this back when I had to imagine what you boys looked like."

"I think you really nailed Dewey."

"On the moon, all I could think about was being your mom. The adventure, the fun. I wasn't prepared for... all this."

Louie: "Look, I hate surprises. I like seeing every angle of a situation so I can take control of it. But you can't plan for everything... sometimes a robot boy uses you for a pinata."

Della: "I think I'm losing the thread here..."

Louie: "But sometimes the mom you thought you lost comes back. And that's a surprise too. So, you deal with bad surprises because they may lead to a good one."

"But what if Lunaris succeeds? What if I lose you again? What if-"

"You know, when I'm terrified- which is often- I try to remember this old song:

Face each new sun with eyes clear and true.

Unafraid of the unknown-"

Della: -"Because I'll face it all with you."

"I wrote that song before I got lost. How did you hear it?"

"Well, Uncle Donald used to sing it to us when we were little."

Not only does it beautifully fulfill the development in their relationship and allow them to move past the drama between them, not only does Louie reach incredible growth in his maturity, but it's Louie being the parent to Della... comforting her and offering her reassurance (and I love Louie showing a moment of weakness/vulnerability in admitting he often gets scared, which is not easy for him). A perfect way to conclude the second season, Louie's arc, and the development of Della's return to the family.

Thoughts?

[suzukiblu]

I just wanted to say I think you're really cool in the way you defend your own boundaries while also trying to see the best in people (e.g. off-topic Wednesday asks / etc.). Like you make your ask box feel like it's okay to ask questions or not worry too much about how something might come off wierdly if it's read a certain way but also you don't let people walk over you, and that balance is a fucking skill which takes effort and work.

Thank you. 🧡 I definitely do go to a lot of effort to be clear about certain things I'm cool/not cool with while also assuming the best of people's intentions if I ever get comments or questions that are phrased poorly or seem . . . well, questionable, to make an unintentional pun there, haha. I just don't wanna start shit that doesn't need started or slather bad vibes all over some poor well-intentioned random soul who just doesn't have the most immediately up-to-date/informed language or certain experiences to inform their perspective, AND all over all of your dashes on top of that. Like, we were all confused about shit and awkwardly attempting to figure out what the magic question that would explain that shit to us was at SOME point in our lives, if nothing else. You gotta remember your internal stupid kid and how bad they wanted to figure shit out without having the tools for it!! You just gotta!!!!

Like, I literally did not realize gay and bi people were a thing until I was FOURTEEN, man, I just did NOT have that context/experience as a kid. And then, like, four months later I was . . . uhhhhh I'm pretty sure literally the first kid who was publicly out in my entire very tiny "quaint lil' small town full of well-off retirees with gorgeous lawns and literally nothing for a teenager to do outside of school" high school, and at least as far as I ever knew there wasn't another one until my friggin' senior year. And I didn't figure out what asexuality was OR my gender identity until I was in my thirties, despite actively TRYING to figure those out! I just didn't know! I didn't have the word for it for so long I didn't even GET it was a thing that should have a word!

Though to be honest, I really do get way, WAY more people worrying that they're overstepping and preemptively apologizing about it than I ever do people who are actually doing anything I'd personally consider to be overstepping, and I get even fewer people who are INTENTIONALLY overstepping on top of that. Like, I've been very lucky in the audience I've managed to snare/cultivate in my internet times, I very rarely encounter anyone coming into my inbox in bad faith. "Don't like/don't read" seems to be generally respected and I appreciate it, basically, hah.

Also, like, not to get too extra or serious here, but a lot of the reason I write fanfic is because it can contain a lot of things that standard publishing is less immediately open to releasing--like, especially back when I started, it was just NOT a thing to have explicitly queer kids in mega-popular mainstream YA series or all that much gender/racial/neuro diversity past, like, token presences that were at MOST only diversity-CODED half the time anyway and "didn't like labels". And like, that bugged me a LOT as a kid and as a young adult, and still kinda bugs me sometimes these days. I wanted, you know, that SEEN feeling, and I didn't want to only get it from hyper-niche genres/authors that were only writing about being queer and sad about it. I wanted that shit in my dang sci-fi and fantasy and all the FUN stuff, not just, you know, the tragedy-porn cautionary tales. So I want people who are reading my stuff to feel that way, even and ESPECIALLY when they're some totally different flavor of whatever we are from me, and so I REALLY try to be inclusive and welcoming and assume the best of people, at least to the best of my ability.

. . . okay I got kinda carried away with this answer, maybe, haha, but tl;dr: literally everyone has got enough bullshit going on in their lives, I can at least be nice about weird kinks and random gender/mental/physical/???? issues that I don't always necessarily understand the full nuances of on the internet.

[romanticatheartt]

I have a hot take and it might piss some people off specially the ones who believe Nesta didn't need a redemption arc (???) so please don't read this if you have this mindset

You saving your sister at death bed doesn't have redeeming quality. Because anyone in that room, specially Rhysand, would've jumped to help her without hesitation if they had the power. Nesta herself would've helped even if she hadn't finished her healing journey and was still distancing herself from everyone.

I'm not talking about how in those 12 days she didn't help the IC to find a solution, I'm talking about her seeing her baby sister at death bed. Because she didn't helped Feyre for 5 years and let her put herself in danger because Nesta knew she would survive. But the moment Tam/in took her, Nesta goes after her and searches for her. And this is exactly what happened, Nesta thinking IC would find a solution so she didn't even bother to offer a little help. Or even think about it...

In both situations the moment Nesta sees Feyre in absolute danger and is sure there's a huge chance that she might not make it alive, she makes a move to help/save her. I don't want one single person to come here and tell me it's not her job or responsibility- just shut it... don't embarrass yourself

You know what would've been redeeming?

The moment she realized Feyre might die during the labor, she should've started searching alongside the IC, she was literally working in a library at the time.

She should've talked to them and convinced them to let Feyre know of the danger.

She, talking with her sister, properly apologizing and try to bond with her and mend the bridge that's been broken between them.

Not sucking your trainer's d*ck the moment you find out. Not climbing down 10000 steps because you were so "angry" of the injustice you were facing and tell your sister she's about to die and made it about yourself. Because you wanted to show her that IC doesn't "respect" her as much as they don't respect you. And put her in danger in the process because you knew how the stress might hurt the baby but again you were thinking about your own hurts and pains.

I love Nesta and her book helped me to understand her so much better and realizing how similar we are and how much I share trauma with her. Not my trauma response tho.

I just hate the way sjm wrote her healing journey because she made it about herself lol. She projected her trauma and her experience during her process of healing and wrote it into Nesta's story and never cared how it might look at the end. Now Nesta saving Feyre, her blood sister, sounds more like a favor she gave and give *some* people the opportunity to make what Feyre did for her sisters a chore, a responsibility, something she enjoyed to do because she wanted to hurt herself. (and that's definitely not true) Don't even try to deny I've seen it many many times and I have proof.

And that's my problem with her book. I love that she made friends along the process and had her own found family, it led us to meet two beautiful characters. Her book gave us context of the reason behind some of her actions. We get to read how ashamed and hateful she is toward herself for neglecting Feyre. But the rest? No.

Sjm could've give us Nesta, fixing her relationship with the people around her and making new friendship with her found family at the same time but instead she wrote so many smut scene that has no purpose and doesn't help the plot moving. I'm throwing hot takes after hot takes jeez

In conclusion acosf didn't help people to forgive Nesta. Understand her? Yes. But forgiving her and give them the opportunity to considee her as their favorite character? No. I'm not talking about all but the majority, because as you see even now people can't seem to forgive her even tho they understand her much better.

To be honest acosf is one of the weakest book sjm has ever written and she hasn't wrote one single good book ever since... I wanted to make all these takes in different posts but fuck it, we ball<3

[works-of-heart]

The fandom is so lucky to have you! We appreciate having you here and all that you contribute to it ❤️❤️

1. What brought you into the fandom?

2. What character(s) do you feel the most connected to and why?

3. Out of all of SJM’s books, which one means the most to you and why?

4. Out of all of the SJM couples (fanon, canon, endgame, etc) which one means the most to you and why?

Keep doing you ❤️

Awww!! Thank you so much! This really warms my heart!

1. I got into ACOTAR in 2020, I am not sure why I delayed so long, I was eyeing the series since 2018, and decided to dive straight in. Since the first book I was hooked and immediately picked up the rest of the series! I loved it so much but there wasn't anyone else I knew to talk about it with. So I found reddit and wanted to share my feelings.

I found some parts of the fandom so polarizing, and many of my thoughts and likes were the unpopular ones, so I retreated for a while. I recently stumbled back into Tumblr when I found that there were quite a lot of people here who enjoyed the books as I did and art and fics to share. I wanted to add to that, to be in this space and contribute my own works that I've been dying to share and geek out with others.

I've met so many incredible people in this fandom, many who are super talented and skilled artists and writers, others who contribute in their own ways, and I have been glad to be here ever since!

2. Honestly? Lucien and Elain.

Lucien because he doesn't ever really fit in. He's made a home for himself in spring yes, but then thar fell apart. He lost everything and is with two others who have been his companions and made their own way. He doesn't think a whole lot of himself, he doesn't believe he's needed, as he said "a whole lot of nothing." I resonate with this so much. I've had friends whole dumped me and left me for their own group, I've known what it's like to be invited into gatherings but feel so utterly alone and unwanted, those moments really sat with me when reading his parts of the story, and so I'm excited to see him find himself and grow into truly valuing who he is, realizing he isn't just some seventh son of a lord.

With Elain, the way she's seen by her family is something infeel all too well. She's the people pleaser, the one who tries to balance out the bad with good. She's the one people think is just simple, plain, and 'pleasant'. People think she's uninteresting because she isn't causing waves, that she just enjoys her hobbies and that's it. No one thinks she's capable of more and generally deny her of trying anything else. This really spoke to me on a personal level.

I resonate a lot with Elain who tries to make the best of every situation, but also has a side of her that many have yet to see.

3. I don't think I particularly have one that means the "most" to me persay. At least not yet. I would say the CC books hold a special place in my heart. My husband bought HOEAB on audio book and during a long road trip we listened to it and he was so into it, that it made me smile. He enjoys the series and eagerly bought HOSAB audio book so we took a long drive to listen to it.

4. This will come as no surprise to anyone that it's Elucien for me! The moment Lucien lunged for Elain to try and stop her from being thrown into the cauldron, I was already shipping them, and him whispering with shock "you're my mate" I was sold!

I don't know what it is about them, but the potential they have, the slow burn, the thought of Lucien having given up on true love after Jesminda, only to be given a mate in Elain??! I want it all! I want to see Elain and Lucien having the most tsundere romance, the kind where she's denying her feelings aloud as if it would assure her that she's totally not falling in love with him. The way we can see how their powers will sync, and find home in each other. Their relationship reminds me so much of my own journey with my husband that I can't wait to see it unfold.

I could go on and on as to why I personally love these two together, but at the end of the day, they bring me so much joy and have been the inspiration to so much of my artwork. ❤️

[aqua-the-smiter]

Part 4. Cato's still not paying rent. At least I started reading his books now. When he's needed most, he will crack. He thought that should've been obvious. Cato Sicarius x female reader you are the only light in his life Divider by @squishyowl, and once again I apologize for so many @ s. He won't leave me alone man. Song - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NNNPgIfK2YE

As you stared up at Primarch Roboute Guilliman, you were filled with a mix of potent awe and fear.

He had sent Titus to fetch you while Cato was away, occupied with an Astartes's daily tasks. He'd been courteous and quite warm with you, which had gone a long way to ease your worries about being summoned by the Primarch. But standing before him now, you felt them all rushing back.

He was huge. You'd seen him from a distance, but up close, even just sitting down he was massive. Not just tall, but broad and well muscled. Bigger than even the Primaris marines. His expression was neutral, but you could see creases in his forehead where his own concern was showing through. That helped you wrap your head around him. You started paying more attention to his features as well. His skin was fair, hair was blond, and eyes were the most beautiful, startling blue you'd ever seen. That helped you ground your view of him. Once you got past the whole...Primarch-ness of him, he was quite a good looking man too. His face looked like it belonged on the back of a coin. You could see where Cato got it from, and you amused yourself by imagining Guilliman with a beard.

"My lord Primarch." You bowed low to him.

He returned the gesture with a nod, and bid you stand. "My lady. I apologize for summoning you here with little warning. I am tied up with preparations, but I had a spare moment, and I'd like to speak with you."

"Have I...have I done anything wrong?" You asked.

"No, you have not. Don't worry." He gave you a reassuring smile. You felt better almost immediately. "You have recently gotten close with Cato Sicarius, and I would like to ask you about him. That's all."

"I see. You're not...displeased with it at all?" Because I'm not leaving him even if you are.

"Of course not. It is unusual, but harmless. In fact I think you have been doing him some much needed good. He loves you very deeply." After a moment, he added. "Many Astartes forget they too are human. Cato having you will help remind him of that."

You thought for a moment. "Then you've noticed that he's acting weird too? I thought I was the only one."

Titus gave you a soft smile. "Not all of us have hung our brother out to dry."

Guilliman nodded. "I have noticed his odd behavior for a while. When Titus came to me about it, I realized I cannot let it lie any longer. Which is where you come in. You know him well. I wanted to ask you what you've noticed about him. What you've seen."

You breathed a sigh of relief. Happy to not be in any trouble with the Primarch, and also that someone seemed to finally be taking notice of Cato's...issues.

"I thought someone would never ask." You admitted. "I've been trying to help him the best I can, but I think it's something far out of my wheelhouse."

"It's not an easy subject to broach."

"It's not." You agreed. "Well...let me think. He avoids his battle brothers a lot. Before we got together if he wasn't on duty I would find him in strange places. Doesn't really talk with anyone besides me either."

You paused.

"I've noticed he never seems to be calm. He always seems tense. Paranoid, even. Like he's just waiting for something to go wrong. Even when we're alone together I can feel tension in him. Sometimes I'll catch him staring off into the distance for minutes on end. He hears screaming, or music. He's woken up screaming more than once. Really, really bad nightmares. Night terrors even."

"Does he tell you about any of it?"

You nodded. "He tells me everything. I've been trying to be there for him. I told him if he needed just one person he could trust with this I would be that. He's told me about the Emperor's Will, and Damnos. Black Reach."

The Primarch was silent for a moment. "Thank you for your honesty. And for looking after him. I would like to say that he hid it well, but I think the truth is that he was not hiding it at all."

"You have so many other things demanding your attention, lord." It felt weird trying to reassure a Primarch, but you honestly didn't blame him for Cato's poor state of mind. "What are you going to do exactly?"

"I will have to consider it. This whole situation is delicate. But I will not leave it alone any longer. It appears to have grown into something where I cannot. Please, continue on as you are with him. You do him good."

You nodded. You doubted you needed to tell him you stuck with Cato because you loved him.

The Primarch let you go, and you gave him a little curtsy before you left. He smiled.

Titus turned to him. "What are you considering?" He asked.

Guilliman sighed. "For now? I will have to leave it to consideration only. I have received a message from the Redeemed."

"Was their mission a success?"

"If you consider rooting around in the Imperial Palace for one document a mission." He said with a rueful smile. "But yes, it was. I will have to leave soon, and go with them to Medusa. You will all learn what it's about when I return."

"You are leaving?" Titus asked.

"I have to. I made a promise."

He looked at the wedding ring sitting on his desk. Gold and silver, patterned in intricate Medusan knotwork. It was sized for a finger bigger than his, and hung on a platinum chain.

"And Cato?"

"Help him however you are about to. I will need him before long."

Titus nodded. "I will do my best." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Cato wished Guilliman had taken him on his excursion. But the Primarch had been adamant. It was best if he undertook this mission alone, so as soon as the Redeemed had returned to Macragge, he'd been gone.

He hadn't quite resorted to begging, but it had been close. He was getting desperate to get off of Macragge. To get away from the Fortress of Hera, from his brothers. Even the civilians, who all looked at him like he was some kind of hero. It gave him a strong desire to start scratching at walls. Moreover, at least on campaign Cato had a solid excuse to avoid sleeping, even if he had an opportunity to.

Sleep was hazardous. With sleep came dreams, a jumbled mix of different pieces of his past all ground down into a slurry of nightmares. On campaign he was either locked in combat or planning strategy or doing a hundred other things. While he was stuck at home, he didn't have that. And even Astartes needed rest eventually.

Well, "home" was a relative term. He didn't remember the last time the Fortress of Hera had felt like home.

You, bless your sweet heart, were always chiding him about getting sleep. Even before he'd been blessed with you in his arms, as his serf you always made a point of looking out for him. Telling you off in that softly displeased manner that even Space Marines needed got tired and how he needed to go get some rest. You didn't know then, about his nightmares.

Granted, he didn't always have them. Whenever you cuddled in bed with him, his sleep was far more peaceful. Those nights were always the best for him. Holding you close, pressing his face into your hair, feeling your small, soft body snuggled against his. It was nothing short of blissful.

But tonight his bed was empty aside from himself, and his sleep was as troubled as it always was.

It was like an ocean. A geometrically perfect ocean of chrome and malevolent emerald green. The sky overhead was dark with an approaching storm, and the plain shrouded in mist.

And it was dead silent.

There were necrons. Endless, endless necrons, a legion of them stretching all the way to the horizon. Like every single last one of the mechanical horrors had made their way to this battle, and were all standing before him in a great gray sea.

He didn't fear them though. Cato Sicarius feared nothing. He was a part of the greatest army the galaxy had ever seen, and he was their zenith. No xenos filth would stand before he and his brothers today. No matter how many of them there were. He knew no fear.

"The day shall be ours, brothers!" He bellowed. "For the Primarch! For Ultramar!"

It was like a parody of every speech he'd ever given before a battle, all watered down and weak.

When he turned back to look at the ranks of his brothers behind them, he saw not a single one of them had moved. They all stood as stock still as the necrons, weapons held at the ready. It was like the legion of the Great Crusade come again. Had there been so many before? And they all stared at him. He could feel it, hundred of pairs of eyes all glaring at him. Judging him. Looking at him like he was an idiot.

In front of them stood Marneus Calgar and Severus Agemman. Both glaring at him in the same manner. Like he was a fool.

"Well?" Calgar asked him.

"What are you waiting for?" Agemman continued.

Cato wanted to ask what they were talking about, but his tongue felt leaden in his mouth. His jaw hurt, and he couldn't move it. Like it had been welded shut.

"You wanted glory, didn't you?" Marneus asked again.

"You want to be Chapter Master?" Severus echoed him. "Then go ahead. Go prove that you are worthy of it."

Cato wanted to scream that being Chapter Master was the last thing he desired now. He wasn't fit for the job and he knew it, but his mouth wouldn't work. He couldn't say anything, so he did as he was bid, his grip tight on the Tempest Blade.

He wanted to weep at what he saw in front of him.

The necrons had changed. They weren't metal anymore.

They were still necrons, but necrons made of flesh and bone and sinew instead. The shape was still the same, twisted into something made of glistening red meat.

Somehow, covered in organic matter, it looked even less human. The once metal skeleton, now bone, twisted and spiraled together in strange shapes. Raised red veins and ridges of flesh formed odd, vaguely geometric patterns in the muscle. He could see squishy, pulsating organs in their abdominal and chest cavities, barely held in place by spars of bone and stringy loops of meat.

Emerald eyes glowed with malevolent luminescence like the lure of some deep sea fish. Ivory teeth leered from lipless mouths curled into a mummy's dry grimace. The air stank of raw flesh and blood enough to make him gag. "I can't." He whispered.

"You must." Said Calgar and Agemman.

This time Cato was the one who began to scream.

And then he woke up. His face wet. With tears or sweat, he couldn't be sure. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ There was a small, unspoken fear when Guilliman left that he wouldn't return. Nobody said it aloud, but it was an undercurrent of tension all the same. Thankfully, it all turned out to be unfounded. The Primarch returned a few months later on the Redeemed's ship, safe, sound, and bearing some unusual cargo.

It was winter on Macragge. The Fortress of Hera was frosted in snow and icicles, and the neophytes were getting into snowball fights.

Of course, Cato didn't know that. When you'd made your way to his quarters to see if he'd gotten the good news, he was still fast asleep in bed. Snoring like a chainsword, nestled into his blankets, and drooling a bit into his beard. You giggled a bit, seeing your beloved captain looking so disheveled yet so cozy. It almost hurt you to wake him up.

"Peahen?" He asked groggily, his eyes fluttering open.

You kissed him on the nose. "The Primarch's returned."

That got his attention in a hurry. He sat bolt upright. "Did I oversleep again?"

"Not this time." You ran your hand through his hair. That helped calm him down a bit as he kicked his covers off. "Lord Guilliman is just an early riser it seems."

"I used to be."

You shook your head, throwing a body glove at him while he finally emerged from his blanket cocoon fully. Then you sat and set about polishing a few loose pieces of his armor. Helmet, pauldrons, gauntlets. He'd handle the big stuff.

"Don't bother with that." He chided, shuffling over with the bodyglove half pulled up to his calves. "You'll never finish it in time."

"Oh hush up. I want you to look nice in front of your gene-father. It'll go much faster if you pull that thing on and help me."

He rolled his eyes, but did as you asked, and ten minutes later his armor shone like blue tourmaline. The plume of his helmet was brushed out, and finally you helped him fasten his cape to his pauldrons.

"Oh look at you." You purred. "Always so handsome in your armor. Just like a peacock."

He tilted your chin back and pressed a brief kiss to your lips. "You do nothing but fill my ears with flattery."

"Someone needs to." You offered him his sheathed sword with some effort. It was affixed to his belt in short order.

"I suppose it's impossible to inflate an ego that has so many holes in it that it may as well be a shooting range target."

He offered you his arm, and the two of you walked down to the parade grounds to see just what had become of Roboute Guilliman. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Cato took his place at the head of the other Victrix Guard, earning him a few stares since he was the last one there. He realized belatedly that his lack of punctuality combined with the state of his armor was probably sending a decidedly negative message. You might have liked his peacocking, but nobody else had ever did. He'd made an effort to stop. And now there's be snide comments for weeks about how he'd probably be late to a battle because he was shining his pauldrons. He sighed internally, already dreading it.

The Astartes were arranged into two columns, forming a path between them. Titus was standing a ways off with his Primaris, and Uriel with the men of the 4th. Calgar stood at the front along with the Victrix. Cato could've sworn he smirked at him as he passed by. The fresh snow from the night before was packed with footprints. Light wind sent small sprays of glittering powder skittering across the courtyard and ruffled his hair. They stood in silence, waiting.

Finally, the gates swung open, and the Primarch entered.

Trailing behind him came the Redeemed. Their armor gleamed, ceramite as white as the snow with gold trim. The chapter symbol, a wheel with eight spikes turned inward, flashed in the sun. So did their Chapter Master, and his crystalline...well, everything. Armor and body alike casting small rainbows on the ground.

The sword of the Emperor was sheathed at Guilliman's side. It took Cato a moment to realize he was holding something. Once he got closer, the Victrix captain had to bite back his shock.

In Roboute's arms was a tiny, tiny little baby boy. The infant was nearly swamped by the blanket he was swaddled in, black silk lined with the fur of a Medusan snow lion. Picked out along the hem in silver thread was a design of knotwork. Worked into the pattern was a gear with a hand in the middle.

He was fast asleep, his head resting against Guilliman's breastplate. Comically small. Roboute's expression bore a tenderness that none of the Ultramarines had ever seen on his face before. It made him look decades younger, stripping away the stress and pain in his eyes.

"It can't be." He barely heard Titus's whisper, and he was bound to agree.

Nothing had been said yet, but the obvious conclusion was hard not to draw.

Roboute came to a stop next to Calgar and turned to face his sons. The Redeemed lined up next to him, all solemn and oddly subdued.

"My sons." He began, quieter than he would have been normally. "I thank you for your patience while I was absent, and with the secrecy. This was too critical for me to risk. First, I would like to thank the Redeemed for their part in this. If not for you, this may have never been set into motion."

Kaleidius, the chapter master, dipped his head in acknowledgement.

"As for what this was all about, well. As it turns out, my brother was very, very good at keeping secrets."

But maybe in the end, he was the wisest of all of us for doing so.

"I know there are going to be many questions. There will be answers in time, but they cannot come now. Things are still...delicate. I will tell you this though. His name is Melor, and he is very, very precious. I will be caring for him for the foreseeable future, and we will be protecting him for as long as necessary." He announced, and let his words hang in the air for a moment.

Cato could hear even some of the Victrix starting to whisper amongst themselves, and he couldn't blame them. There was obviously something unusual about the boy, even if he couldn't put his finger on what.

"My lord?" Marneus spoke up. "Forgive me if this is out of line. But may I at least ask why you have chosen to take on this responsibility?"

"Do you take issue with it?"

"No, my lord. I merely wish for a clearer understanding of your logic."

Guilliman sighed. "There is not much to it. I made a promise. One I do not intend to break, no matter how inconvenient it is. I owe him that much at the very least."

He stroked the short, fuzzy growth of black hair on Melor's scalp with his fingertips. Then, he turned to Cato, who felt like things were about to go very wrong for him.

"Captain Sicarius."

He stepped forward at his Primarch's order. Feeling like a psyker with how he had predicted Guilliman's next words.

"You have been captain of the 2nd, and you are captain of my Victrix Honor Guard. Many times over you have proven yourself to be valiant and a warrior of renown."

He wanted to laugh. Where the hell had the Primarch gotten all that from? He was barely competent. His record was full of poor decisions and good men dead at his hand. Ego leading him around like the blind leading the blind, and he was only renowned because his battle brothers couldn't stand him. But he couldn't make his jaw work to say any of it.

A part of him wondered if this was Guilliman's way of humbling him even further. Of bringing him down so low that he never forgot how much of a failure he truly was. Why else would he ask him to guard an infant? One who's significance he had yet to explain. It would surely keep him far away from any future battlefields. Maybe someone else would replace him as captain of the Victrix while he was relegated to nursemaid.

Over the sound of his blood in his ears he swore he could hear a pipe organ.

But...

No, surely not. One look into the Primarch's eyes told him that. There was love there, genuine love for that child. He wouldn't put the boy at risk by using him as a tool to rein Cato in. Which left an even more horrifying reality.

Guilliman thought he was a good man for the job.

"I am assigning you to be his guardian. I will be with him as much as I can, but I know for a fact it won't be as much as I would like. You will protect him when I cannot."

Cato felt like the ground was caving in under him. He didn't know if he wanted to scream or laugh. That child was probably safer with Ezekyle than with him.

"My lord." Cato began, his voice uncharacteristically weak. "I'm honored you think I am worthy of such a task. But I cannot accept this duty."

"Captain?"

"I am not the man you want for this, my lord. I cannot protect him."

Titus and Uriel shared uncomfortable glances. Even Calgar's usually unreadable expression was slackened a bit as he stared at Cato like he'd gone completely mad.

Kaleidius looked at him with surprising pity in those blank, pitch black eyes.

"Explain yourself, captain." "I..." He felt like his throat was sewn shut. "I am not reliable, my lord. My record speaks for itself. Heavy losses and failure after failure. I look around and all I can see are my brothers who are not here. They’re all dead. My honor is in tatters. I cannot take on a task so important in such a humiliated state. I don't know why you still allow me to lead the Victrix guard like this."

He should have been demoted. He should have been sent back to the scouts like Leandros had been, to learn a lesson. He should have been executed.

His battle brothers stared at him. As if he'd just morphed into Horus himself in front of them. Most of them had no idea where all of this was coming from.

You knew. Watching from a doorway with some other serfs, and it took every ounce of your self control not to runto Cato and throw your arms around him. Titus and Uriel knew, given looks they were exchanging. The former's a mask of barely contained horror. If he'd known it was this bad, he would have talked to Cato himself.

The Primarch's expression softened, just a fraction, and his voice was more compassionate than another commander's might have been. "That is not for you to decide. I have made a decision which you have no right to refute. I understand that some of the things you have done haunt you, but you let that color your view of everything you have done. Do not let a few failings tarnish every achievement."

Roboute could see that Cato wasn't convinced in the slightest, but he nodded in assent. "Yes, my lord."

He complied. What else could he do? If there was a way to dissuade his Primarch's misplaced confidence in him, he didn't know it. What he did know is that when this too ended in failure, the consequences were going to be horrific. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Cato knelt down, holding you close. Hugging you tightly, as tightly as he dared. His head rested in the crook of your shoulder, and you felt that spot growing wet.

You didn't care. You held him just as tightly, running your fingers through his hair. He didn't say anything, didn't make a sound. Just clung to you.

"Maybe Lord Guilliman is right." You told him softly. "I think you'll do just fine. Don't let every wrong thing you have ever done wipe out all the good."

"And what good have I done?" He whispered back.

You kissed his forehead. "More than you realize."

[sailorblossoms-snowbaz]

I've considered I've talked too much about Simon and attraction and I need to Shut Up and Move On. Unfortunately, there's actually something I haven't fully talked about yet (alongside shit I have) so here we are.

When Simon says "I never thought I was straight" that is important because it's true. We have been in his head for 3 books at that point, and he hasn't. He doesn't ever think "I'm straight" or anything along those lines, such as "I like girls." He doesn't ever think bout his sexuality at all outside of questions around "gay" and/or "baz-sexual"...

I've found outside perception (as in stuff that's not at all in these books but are present in other experiences and media) coloring interpretation of these books, which is interesting, if frustrating. Stuff that would make one decide "this is what's happening," which makes it harder to catch the thing that contradicts this.

When the idea of being gay pops up in Simon's mind, he wants to resist processing it. "I'm not even remotely ready to consider this" and he isn't. He then thinks something like "I don't think I'm gay, or maybe I am, partly, the part that is demanding the most attention right now" and you gotta remember he's thinking this like... less than 24 hours after the "I'm not even remotely ready" line. I think one might be inclined to read this and say "if he says there's a part of him that's gay, that must mean the other part likes girls" but this is an impulse that should be challenged, because Simon doesn't say that. It's an assumption. I think this might not be considered if one is used to taking things at face value and to more reliable narrators, narrators who are sharing something about themselves that they have figured out. But Simon hasn't figured out anything outside of his feelings for Baz. He hasn't shit figured out yet (including his lack of feelings for Agatha) and he has expressed he's not ready to go there.... so he's sort of negotiating with himself here, not ready to process it but sort of giving in a bit. "Am I gay?... No?... however I realize I want to jump Baz and swallow him whole, surely that's at least partly gay." It's like when he's thinking whether he's jealous of Baz or Agatha. Entertaining the idea that he doesn't feel romantic jealousy with Agatha (he doesn't feel much at all, outside of pressure and guilt and general misery) would have him unpacking shit he's not ready to (he does however act as if he sees her as competition) (doesn't he even say "anyone but him" as in Agatha can go after anyone romantically except Baz while snatching Baz's handkerchief from her hands to keep it to himself? Keeping it in his drawers with his most important possessions and then close by in his pocket?), but he can't deny his feelings for Baz now that he has discovered them either. So he goes "both I guess" and calls it a day. That's also what it all boils down to... he's not ready to unpack any of this, so he chooses not to think about any of it. Which also means he's not reaching answers.

Simon never explicitly paints himself as a girl-liker, not even when one would think he's trying to. I mean, look at this:

"I've always wanted Agatha" -> "Baz is the only person I've ever wanted." Emphasis on ever. It's like he's correcting himself. And when he says "I've wanted Agatha" his example contradicts him. He's imagining himself in her shoes. He wants to be like her. Simon never presents her, the only girl he ever tells himself he "wants," as someone he actually finds desirable. Aspirational, yes, but some of the shit he says about her wouldn't be out of place in the head of a straight girl. (With Baz, it's the opposite, he might frame it like he's jealous of him because Baz is aspirational, but he's finding him desirable).

Simon calls girls beautiful? so does Baz. Cute? gorgeous is more evocative, and Baz says it. "You have seen Agatha" -> he equates the way he can see Agatha is attractive to the way his gay boyfriend can see it, and Baz indeed sees it, because they have eyes, and that doesn't mean it's doing anything for them (other than pressure for Simon. Inanimate objects don't have thoughts or feelings, later Simon admits he didn't either).

When Simon says "I don't think I'm gay," "I don't think I'm gay because I like girls" is the expectation. It's the assumption because it's something seen or experienced elsewhere. But this is not what he thinks or says. Not even when he's imagining Agatha, the person he had a comphet relationship with, does imaginary Agatha say "you're not even gay because you have been with me, you like girls!" What imaginary Agatha says it's "you're not even gay, and Baz is not even alive, and what would the mage say" ... Simon's worries are "the person you have feelings for isn't an acceptable person to have feelings for, therefore those feelings aren't valid, and they wouldn't be accepted anyway. You would be judged, you would be a disappointment." Which is a different problem than "I can't be gay because I like girls. I'm not aware I can't like more than one gender." (what the real Agatha does express reveals that looking back at their relationship, she doesn't believe Simon was ever into her! And, for the record, she doesn't really give a fuck about that, she cares more about her time and her identity and her own feelings or lack of them)

When Simon's offered this option, he's like "hell no, I'm not bi" (knee-jerk reaction) and then he still resists it after giving a valid reason to say he's not bi (dating a girl doesn't make you bi if you were neither in love nor attracted to her, bi is not about who you're dating, but who you can be attracted to, which is an important distinction.)

The only time Simon brings up girls or women to wonder, it's to bring up doubts, and it's not "I haven't figured out yet if I like both girls and Baz" or " I can't like both girls and Baz" but "maybe I don't like them anymore, maybe I never liked them in the first place" and he doesn't think it randomly, but he thinks it the context of a scenario where he feels like he should probably be affected, but he isn't. I mean, switch the order if it makes it easier "I'm not mad about women wanting to show cleavage but do I still like them like that? Did I ever like them like that at all? Or am I a Baz-sexual (only attracted to my boyfriend)?" (the thing that should be sparking a "I'm attracted to women" thought it's instead sparking a "I'm just attracted to my boyfriend" thought. Look at that. When good ol' Rainbow says some variation of "this freaky little guy has not experienced attraction until Baz hit him like a train" that thing makes it to the page. If she had said the opposite I would be openly saying "death of the author and me are old pals" and we are, I said it when I'm like "this make sense like this regardless of intention," but everything I have seen on this matter is like "ah yeah she put that in a, b and c scene." I don't think "baz-sexual" could be any clearer.) For the record, you could be a straight guy and not be a boobs person (Personally can't image being either, and the latter is what makes me think "for the love of god you're not reading that boobs line correctly" like, I can't imagine not being into boobs, but when I read Simon said that while looking at boobs because it's impossible not to, and then literally never noticing them again, he gave me an idea. An inkling if you will.)

Notable that it's obvious as hell to Baz and Agatha that Phippa liked Simon, and Simon never even notices, which I think is indicative of Simon's disinterest. I noticed this with Baz: he's hypervigilant of Simon and potential interest in him and vice-versa and he says "Agatha is the only person he has ever wanted" which is mistaken for reasons already stated, but of course Baz is going to assume Simon is dating for the reasons we all assume dating happens, and he believes in the golden fantasy. Which very likely means Baz has never seen Simon being interested in other girls, and he would've fucking caught it (his own lack of vibe check does not invalidate this, because it applies to himself, not seeing himself as desirable, besides not being interested in people who aren't Simon). Not to be obvious and repetitive but Simon struggles to notice people who are not Baz. He's on the same road! Doesn't notice shit with himself but it's ready to jump, stab and/or scream when the interest it's in Baz.

I try to look and examine my own thoughts and possible biases too, I could be wrong. But this is not me being like "It's not enough that he's into Baz, I must destroy all possibility of him being into other people" this bitch says that! Simon says it. More than once! He fucking invented a sexuality to say it! I think his phrasing (women are beautiful or cute, but men are fit/attractive always, a subconscious thing could be going on) could be leaning into "he's not a girl liker, mayhaps potentially a man liker but he has already met Baz and nobody's seeing the fire of a little match when you're surrounded by a forest fire." But I say that (in a "could be gay/demi" sort of way, not because I want him to label himself but because bringing up labels it's a shortcut to introducing concepts, or else this post would be a book) not him. His thoughts are very comfortable at "Baz-sexual" and [to Baz] "I'm yours" and in not labeling himself outside of that. 

So when I see “Simon likes girls” as a takeaway of shit that’s said in those books, I can’t help but wonder, “Are we engaging this book on its own terms?” because if we are, there would be no certainty in that phrase (he doesn’t even think about sexuality like that ever, not “I like girls” or “I like boys” or anything like that, not outside of “maybe I don’t like anymore or never liked women in the first place,” there is no sureness or positive affirmations outside of his attraction to Baz). If we are, it would stand out that the only times he’s questioning, even if he’s not sure, he always seems to lean on a negative answer (“I still don’t know” in the context of spending a whole scene fighting the notion that he was attracted to the one girl he dated, the girl that it’s recognized as generally desirable by Baz as well, who is portrayed as the prettiest to ever pretty… and he’s fighting it, when it’d be easier and more comfortable not to... except it's not. It's uncomfortable to not fight it. It unsettles him, when Baz voices it. When Baz believes it. Even though he is and has been expected to, when he’s used to want to conform to expectations.)

[sgtmickeyslaughter]

✨Weekly Tag Wednesday ✨

Thanks for tagging me @jrooc @doshiart and @thepupperino

Name and A03 handle: Gigi 🌸, aka sgtmickeyslaughter

Current Location: Coffee shop in the heart of brooklyn

Favorite picrew (don't have one? you can skip this or do this one)?

This one! If i had to draw myself it would look a lot like this

What's one thing you want in a picrew? Rosier cheeks and statement piece noses

Favourite thing you’ve created (or seen created) for the fandom? It's so hard to pick a favorite fic! (Weirdly though, I can pick a least favorite) I think my favorite is going to be my current WIP. And this art!

Why is it your favourite? Because its the most emotionally complex and cohesive!

Did it come easily or was it hard to create? A labor of love is never in vain, I've always loved getting tiny knots out of necklaces etc. just digging in and understanding the knot to resolve it, that's how writing feels for me, the hard parts are fun and it makes them easier idk if that makes sense

Last ao3 fic you commented on? finished and commented on @roryonic's Highway of Hedonism this morning! I'm trying really really hard to comment more

Biggest WIP heartache you’ve ever experienced? Listen, I've been in this game for 10 years across fandoms and I realized early on that I am not willing to put myself through WIP heartbreak so i almost exclusively read completed works. no hate, im just sensitive

Favorite trope or head cannon you like included in a fanfic? I just love fics that really embrace how insane they are about being soulmates, both in a big way and in a bunch of tiny funny ways

Least favourite? Idk, theres probably a lot of specific things but it just boils down to is the vibe is off or they're too ooc, also galladads sorry

Secret or surprising kink or trope? genuinely cant think of anything secret or surprising

Describe how you feel after you’ve created something new? Like I ran a marathon or deep cleaned an entire house, also like winona ryder it the last scene of the heathers, accomplishment, satisfaction and pride but tired

Top hype man you have that always helps you get across the finish line: No one specific, writing is a very solitary process for me I guess. Everyone on the discord server who sprints with me helps a lot! I've been thinking about asking if anyone would be willing to beta read for me

It's been a bad day, you turn to the fandom and you _____? Read bite sized headcanons! Little bites of fics that will just give me dopamine boosts! Also throwing myself in to writing for a little always makes me feel better

tagging:

@mmmichyyy @energievie @lingy910y @spookygingerr

@blue-disco-lights @mybrainismelted @catgrassplantdad @iansw0rld

@ian-galagher @stocious @burninface @heymrspatel

@solitarycreaturesthey @mickeym4ndy @gallawitchxx @atthedugouts

@suzy-queued @creepkinginc @takeyourpillsbitchh @iandarling