#I'm putting this away for when I feel sad

[perfectlysanexd]

I haven't done one of these kind of posts in a while, but the expressions in Rebirth were top notch, and I wanted to talk a bit about and analyze Sephiroth's different smiles, both pre and post Nibelheim.

Nibelheim itself is difficult to gauge, because SOLDIER Cloud is actually Zack, and furthermore, some of it is definitely his own wishful thinking. But one thing you can say for sure, is that they portray that Sephiroth, despite being so emotionally weary, still summons up the energy to smile at his friend.

As soon as he turns away from Zack, his smile falls, and he doesn't give one to the Mayor at all.

However, when he turns back to inform the men that they're free until sundown, he summons up another smile for them. I don't think that he's just attempting to keep their morale up, he genuinely has affection for Zack, and cares for the others. He respects them for their service, putting their lives on the line for what they think is a good cause, and Sephiroth—as we saw in Ever Crisis—learned to be a compassionate person, who cares about the lives of others, even enemies.

Of course, he's deeply distressed during this time, the despair is eating him alive. Even Cloud acknowledges(despite having not known Sephiroth on a personal level) that he just wasn't himself once they arrived. But I'm not going to talk about my theories on all the Jenova stuff right now, that's not the focus here. Even at the window, you can tell he's feeling off, but when he turns to Zack, he attempts to smile again.

Sephiroth has never enjoyed his fame, and as we learned in Ever Crisis, he didn't choose it; Shinra made up bogus achievements and declared him to be a hero before even his first field assignment, as part of their recruitment campaign. Can't argue with results, I guess—it certainly got Cloud to join up out of hero worship, right? In EC, Sephiroth admits that all he ever wanted was to be normal, something that he knows he can never have. How sad...

So when this man wants to take his picture, it's no wonder that he's over it by then, and tells him no. And rather politely, too, all things considered. But even before that, he smiles and tells Zack that as long as he does his job, their young tourguide will be safe.

But as soon as he turns his back and walks away? Yeah, that smile immediately fades.

Which certainly doesn't change when the guy takes his picture. But of course, when Zack asks Sephiroth to pose for one, he just can't say no, even though he's not super happy about it. Anyway, he continues to smile at Zack for the duration of their journey up Mt. Nibel, making an effort to talk and even cracking a couple jokes, just trying to be a good leader and keep them in good spirits.

And of course, there's the very sad bridge part, where you can tell that he's genuinely upset that he failed to save the other infantryman that got washed away. He searches for him, but comes up empty-handed. Still, he smiles for Zack and teases him about a performance assessment, since their morale is quite low now, but they need to keep going.

Honestly, the Nibelheim part of Rebirth really did an excellent job of portraying Sephiroth's inner struggle. For reference, there are only 3 points in Remake, I think, when Sephiroth drops his ever-present, sometimes affectionate(towards Cloud) and often unhinged, smile: First, it's replaced with sheer rage as he kills President Shinra.

Second time, is when Aerith has a Cetra moment and suggests that his entire existence is "wrong".

And the third time is when he holds out his hand to Cloud at the Edge of Creation, and is rejected by him.

Anyway, back to Rebirth. Ignoring the bizarre smiles he showed us as Nibelheim was burning, as if he was in a trance and just not all there(that's a subject for a different chat), post-Nibelheim Sephiroth's smiles are interesting, too, if we consider what kind they are, depending on who he's dealing with.

For people he hates, like Tseng, it's much more unhinged looking, and very cold. You can tell there's a certain measure of satisfaction from shanking him, haha...

For someone like Aerith, who...I wouldn't exactly say that he hates her, but she's definitely in the way. I would almost say that he considers her to be actively preventing Cloud from recovering his true memories, leading him to remain as merely Sephiroth's "puppet", but that's a theory for another day. He looks at her coldly, as well, but it's a bit different. There's a bit more respect there than there was for Tseng.

And then there's Zack. Actual Zack. I feel like, deep down, he still cares about him, and has no intention of killing him. I almost sense a little...regret? Maybe? Hm. It's definitely a bit warmer of a smile. And of course, although he had many opportunities to get rid of Zack, he doesn't. Instead, he sends him off into the space between worlds safely.

And of course, last but certainly not least, is the way he smiles at Cloud. I know, I know. "But Sane, you like sefikura, so you're biased!" Look, I won't deny that. However, when you really look at it and compare his smiles, which is what this is all about, his truest smiles are always saved for Cloud. He has 2 different "flavors": pure affection and cruel affection. (There are also a few pity smiles, I think.) The former is used most of the time, whenever Cloud is in his sight, and the latter is used during moments when he's trying to control/influence him. I would almost say that he's...satisfied, yet regretful at the same time?? Like these:

And now, let's contrast that with his more genuine, affectionate smiles for Cloud... (The first shot here ⬇ can be contrasted with the shot 2 up from the bottom there ⬆, as the one above is when he's calling Cloud his puppet, and the one below is when Cloud goes to attack him and he opens his arms wider for the incoming uh...embrace.)

Remake had many interesting smiles from him, too, but that will have to be a different post, as this already has 30 screenshots. Anywho, you're free to draw your own conclusions, and not everyone reads faces in the same way, so maybe I'm nuts. Who knows? Either way, I hope you enjoyed this random, indulgent, very long post, haha. If you made it to the end, you're awesome. 💕

All screenshots were taken by me on my PS5. I won't ask for credit on them, since literally anyone can take an identical shot if they pause at the right second. (The exception are the 3 Remake shots, which were taken on PC with mods and the freecam. For those, I would appreciate credit if you use them anywhere, since I don't watermark them.)

[fabbyf1]

just a reminder to all my lovely followers to take a deep breath.

drink some water. have a snack. close your eyes for a few minutes. log off for a while. watch something that makes you happy. listen to some music, or a podcast, or anything that makes you smile

please don't let formula 1 ruin your mental health.

my timeline is an... interesting place to be today. i have seen a lot of posts that make me think "oh no... i hope that person is okay." a lot of people are sad today (for valid reasons!) and a lot of people are happy (also for valid reasons!) and it's okay to be either or both, but it's a great time to remember that you will be okay.

and that you will make it through this.

please don't let formula 1 ruin your mental health.

i know it's hard not to get overly attached to drivers, especially when we have so much access to them and consume so much of their content. and i know watching them leave the sport feels like everything is over and that you'll never enjoy it like you once did.

but as someone who has been around this sport for a while, i can tell you that your love for it will come back, and you'll fall in love with other drivers. and, if not, you can step away from the sport with absolutely no repercussions! none of us are getting paid to be here. (at least i'm not.)

please, please, please log off for a while if you're are actively hurting over this.

i promise you it's not worth it.

i'm here if anybody wants some forced elderly advice about putting yourself first <3

sincerely, grandma

[merilaurecus]

Companions reactions to finding out Modern!Tav can't return to Earth and is stuck in Faerûn for good

This was on my mind for a while. It's post-game, a while after the defeat of the Netherbrain but before the reunion party. The group is still together.

Gale (Professor Dekarios ending)

Already thinking about a spell that actually can do it.

Can't help but feel a little hopeless when even Elminster said it's not possible.

But this man won't give up until he really runs out of options (ambition™️).

One of the few companions that can offer you a place to stay.

Also will offer a hug or an evening together (certified Gale girlie here, if that was me I'd probably confess to him; not that night because I'd be too overwhelmed with leaving what I knew behind, but the next night I'd be like "fuck it, I had a feelings for him before anyway, might as well").

Compassionate and understanding, though he'd try to be around to make sure you are doing well enough not to do anything stupid (yes, I mean the worst option here beginning with the letter S).

Meal cooked with love is on his to-do list (homemade hundur sauce I'm looking at you).

Even when he's down in his research he'll look out for you from time to time.

Also doing the sad eyes when he thinks about the situation. When he was told it wasn't an option he was rather terrified.

Still he prepares a worst case scenario books to teach you stuff about Faerûn. Prays he doesn't have to ever use them.

Karlach (yeet into Avernus with Wyll)

Yo this girl will be your shoulder to cry on.

But she'll probably cry with you together.

She knows how it feels more than she'd like.

But she can leave Avernus from time to time, can't imagine being stuck there forever.

After crying together she'll remain strong for you, probably won't leave your side in fear of you doing something stupid too.

Can't help much with magic but cheering you up? You've got this. Long chats to drive your mind away from the situation about any topic other than that, cuddles, that sort of things.

Also helping you gain some physical strength so you can survive here.

Hugs. Hugs. And once again - hugs.

Will look out for you most of the time if she can't be near.

Astarion (vampire spawn in Baldur's Gate)

He won't even dare to make a joke about it.

I mean it.

He may not know being stuck in other world, but being a slave with no way out of it gives him an idea of what kind of situation you're in.

Won't be the cuddliest or shit, but will keep your Earth clothes in a good shape (tailor time). Just so you have something from there to last longer.

Much like the others, he'll look out for you in the night, but will do it his sneaky way. Just enough for him to know you're alright without you noticing.

He'll say how he feels about your situation in time though. May even offer a hug. He's not Karlach but after all the events he's more open to physical contact with his friends.

Ready to teach you more stuff about Faerûn if nothing works to get you back to Earth. Especially archery. And sneaking. And stealing.

Shadowheart (Selûnite edition)

Let's be honest, all of these people were torn apart from their homes in one way or another.

Shadowheart can relate to you, though her experience is different too.

She doesn't remember much, but you do.

Approaches you with good (but weak) wine and allows you to pour your misery out.

Tells you you have a place to stay with her parents (let's go the happy endings route).

She's not a wizard, but will keep an eye out for every piece of knowledge about travelling through different worlds.

You've been to Shadowfell and Avernus after all.

Will talk you out of sacrificing your memories to Shar. She knows all to well she'd take everything from your little desperate soul.

Flowers are her language of love.

Will also animal speech Scratch and the owlbear to play with you instead of her, telling them how bad you feel.

Soon you can't get them off you, but it does put a smile on your face.

When no one is looking she'll pray to Selûne to guide you your way back home.

Much like everyone she looks out for you, ready to teach you about Faerûn as well (if she hasn't already she'll teach you how to heal yourself when you're alone).

Lae'zel (Freeing Githyanki/Orpheus sacrificed)

At first she found your tears weak.

Then she realized what it would feel like not being able to return to her people.

She felt that to the gut.

She'll show you more tricks to make your enemies fall quick (lmao I rhymed this one).

Also will keep an eye out for a knowledge that could bring you back to Earth (you know, Githyanki and their tons of knowledge).

Not much talkative but you'll see understanding in her eyes soon enough.

If you're a sword fighter she'll give you one of her sharpest ones. Githyanki language of caring is either combat or weapons you know.

(Daddy) Halsin

He also remembers being somewhere else against his wishes, though as a slave.

A single thought of not seeing sun again if he was to stay in the Underdark forever gives him creeps.

You need a hug? A cuddle? He'll be there for you in either form you choose.

You're not escaping whittling and druidic magic lessons. Just so you can get your mind off things and also heal/defend yourself should the situation call for it.

Offers you a place to stay, you're welcome anytime.

Not much of a cook but will pick the finest berries and find the biggest honey comb in the forest.

Looks out for you in some small wildshape (raven or a squirrel probably) when you sneak in the night to cry alone. Should he see situation is bad will approach you in his usual bear form.

Strongly believes there's a way - you've done much that was thought to be impossible. Especially you, someone who had almost no previous experience with weapons or magic.

He's old and wise - will keep thinking about it in hopes some solution will remind itself.

Wyll (yeet into Avernus with Karlach)

Banished from his home he understands a bit of your situation.

Haven't been to other world with no way back, it was his decision to go to Avernus with Mommy K, but he knows Karlach and it helps him understand it.

Another shoulder you can cry one, the Blade does not judge.

Still you're fresh to Faerûn and he'll hate to see you dead before your time, so he'll offer you fencing lessons (I can hear that eyeroll, Lae'zel).

Asks about the dances back in your world and gladly learns them (belgijka jumpscare).

Looking out for you when you go somewhere alone (especially at night).

In Avernus he'll look for some knowledge about travels to different worlds. It's another plane of existence after all.

Jaheira, Minsc & Boo

Minsc is happy to have his friend here forever only to understand the situation after either Jaheira or Boo explains it to him.

Jaheira feels for you more than she'd like to show, but you'll see care in her eyes.

Just like Halsin she'll research her memory for anything that may allow you to return.

Minsc apologises to you after the scolding.

Won't help much tho, he'll be just an emotional support (together with Boo, of course).

Jaheira asks all the Harpers to keep an eye out for any book or a scroll related to your problem. Also will ask any of her old friends to do the same, even if it means her repaying that favour. She can still go fast when she wants to!

[ruewrote]

𝑖 𝑠𝑒𝑒 𝑦𝑜𝑢.

PAIRING: 3A!denkikaminari x gn!reader WARNINGS: sad denki, no use of y/n GENRE: angst to fluff SONG INSPIRATION: there for you by martin garrix & troye sivan WORD COUNT: 1186

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you notice denki has been quieter than usual all day. normally, he'd be the one cracking jokes and keeping the energy up, but today there’s a different air about him. it’s subtle, the way he avoids eye contact, the forced smiles, the way his shoulders seem a little slumped, but it’s slight but it's there. and what bothers you most is that no one else seems to notice. the others laugh and carry on, completely oblivious to the shift in his mood.

he stands up suddenly after a group conversation winds down, muttering something about needing to head back to his dorm. no one questions it, letting him go without a second thought, but you can't shake the feeling that something's wrong. you watch him walk away, disappearing down the hall, and a few moments later, you decide to follow.

after giving him some time alone, you make your way to his room. his door is closed when you arrive, and you hesitate for a second, wondering if he needs more time to himself. but the image of his unusually downcast expression sticks in your mind, and you gently knock on the door before letting yourself in.

denki’s sitting on his bed, staring out the window, lost in thought. his usual electric energy is nowhere to be found. he turns his head when he hears you, surprise flickering across his face.

"hey..." he says quietly, his voice lacking its usual spark. "didn't think anyone was gonna come by."

you give him a small smile, closing the door softly behind you before stepping further into the room. "i noticed you were kind of off today," you say gently, sitting on the edge of his bed, keeping some space between you. "i just wanted to check in. see if you're okay."

for a moment, he doesn’t say anything. his gaze falls back to the floor, and his fingers fidget nervously with a loose thread on his shirt. "i'm fine," he mutters, though the way he says it makes it clear he's not. "it's stupid stuff. i don’t want to bother you with it."

“denki…” you tilt your head, your voice soft but firm. “you can talk to me. you don’t have to pretend like everything’s fine when it’s clearly not.”

he lets out a short, bitter laugh, still avoiding your gaze. "i don’t know. i just feel like... everyone’s moving forward, getting better, and i’m stuck, y’know? i try to keep up, but i’m always messing something up. like today, in training... i fried out again. everyone laughed. and i don’t blame them, i mean, it’s what i do, right? screw up and turn into an idiot." he laughs again, but it’s empty, and his shoulders slump a little more.

your heart aches hearing him talk like this. denki always seems so carefree, so full of confidence, but now, sitting here with him, you can see the cracks in the facade he puts up for everyone.

“denki, you’re not an idiot,” you say, your voice filled with sincerity. “you’re one of the most hardworking people i know. you’re always pushing yourself, always trying to get better. and yeah, sometimes things don’t go the way you want, but that doesn’t mean you’re not improving. you’re not stuck.”

he finally looks at you, his eyes filled with doubt. "it’s just hard sometimes, you know? feeling like i’m always the one who messes up while everyone else is just... better."

you scoot a little closer, your voice gentle as you say, “you’re not alone in feeling like that. we all struggle sometimes, even if it doesn’t always show. but i promise you, no one thinks less of you for having rough days.”

denki takes a deep breath, and some of the tension in his body seems to ease. he leans back against the headboard, his hands resting in his lap. “i just... i guess i didn’t think anyone really noticed. i’m always the ‘happy-go-lucky guy,’ right? i don’t want people to see me like this.”

“i’m so sorry that i didn't realize it sooner,” you say softly, meeting his eyes. “and it’s okay to have off days. it doesn’t make you weak or anything like that. it just makes you human.”

his eyes shining with a mix of emotions, hope, disbelief, something like gratitude. “you really mean that?”

“of course i do,” you said, squeezing his hand gently. denki’s gaze dropped to your intertwined hands, his thumb brushing over yours almost absently. “i just… i don’t wanna be behind, you know? i want to be taken seriously, like everyone else.”

your heart ached at the vulnerability in his voice, the raw honesty that he usually kept hidden behind his carefree smile. you shifted closer, wrapping your arms around him in a gentle hug. he stiffened for a moment, then melted against you, his head resting on your shoulder.

“you’re appreciated so much more than you think, denki,” you whispered, your voice fierce with conviction. “you have so much to offer. i’m so proud of you, and i’m so lucky to know you.”

he let out a shuddering breath, his arms tightening around you like he was afraid to let go. “thank you,” he murmured, his voice barely audible. “i…i really needed to hear that.”

you held him close, your hand gently stroking his back. “i’ll always be here for you. whenever you need to talk, or just…need someone. i’m here.”

he didn’t say anything, he didn't need to, he just held you tighter, his breath warm against your neck. for a long time, you sat like that, wrapped in each other’s arms, the noise of the common room fading away until it was just the two of you, cocooned in a bubble of quiet comfort.

eventually, he pulled back, his eyes red but clearer, the tension in his face eased. “i’m sorry,” he said, his voice still a little shaky. “i didn’t mean to dump all this on you.”

“don’t apologize,” you said firmly. “you’re allowed to feel how you feel, and you’re allowed to talk about it. i’m honestly glad that you did.”

“you’re…you’re really cool, ya know?”

he smiled, a real, genuine smile that made your heart swell with relief. “i’ll try to believe it.”

“that’s all i ask,” you said, squeezing his hand. “just…try to see yourself the way i see you.”

his smile softened, his eyes shining with something warm and tender. “i’ll try,” he said again, his voice quiet but steady. “and…thank you. for being here. for listening. it means a lot.”

“always,” you said, your heart aching with how much you meant it. “i’m always here for you, no matter what.”

he nodded, his gaze lingering on yours for a long, another quiet moment. then he shifted, leaning forward to press a gentle kiss to your forehead, the touch so soft it made your breath catch.

“thank you,” he whispered one last time, his voice filled with all the things he didn’t know how to say.

you knew that, whatever happened, you’d always be there to remind him of just how incredible he truly was.

comments and reblogs are appreciated ♡

© ruewrote 2024.

[blooms-in-april]

I'm thinking sad Jaskier thoughts.

It takes a while for Geralt to realize the music is gone. Oh Jaskier still sings- for their supper, for Ciri when she's sad, to entertain Kaer Morhen on late card playing nights. But the music- the music is gone. No more of the mindless humming as he walks, no more parsing over rhymes by the fire, no more harassing Geralt for his thoughts on such and such melody. Jaskier sings like a wind-up music box, only when requested, cranked for it, and snapping shut into silence like the sharp closing of a lid.

Yennefer snorts at his concern. "It took you this long to notice?"

Geralt grunts. She smiles, sharp and bitter. "You always were slow."

"How do I fix it?" Geralt snaps. He is not here to be mocked or play games.

"Can you fix it?" Yennefer asks. "I don't know."

Geralt doesn't know either. All he can do is try.

One of the mages had left a god's damned harpsichord in their tower room. It takes Geralt weeks- lugging the ornate monstrosity down from the mages tower, finding schematics in the library for the damn thing, undoing by sheer will the rot and moulding of a hundred years on the instrument. He spends his evenings waist deep in the guts of the instrument, swearing over chords and tuning and keys.

Jaskier's silence, now that he notices it, gapes like an open wound, bleeding wherever he goes. It stains memories of years past, of a cheerful smile and conversation given to him so freely, so easily, not a hint of subterfuge or awkwardness or fear. Now Jaskier only says good morrow if Geralt says it first, only speaks when spoken to, only smiles when Ciri is looking his way.

Geralt polishes the harpsichord until his fingers blister and his nose stings from the smell. He paints the elaborate carvings with pure gold leaf. He spends hours tightening strings trying to get the thing in tune. He worries over it like a child, because he doesn't know what else to do.

"What do you think?" He asks Eskel as they carry it carefully down to Jaskier's room.

"It's very nice." Eskel says diplomatically. "I'm sure he'll appreciate it."

"Appreciate it?" Geralt doesn't want appreciation. He wants that soft tone back in Jaskier's voice when he speaks to him. He wants Jaskier to speak to him, to turn to him free and easy with something to say.

"He'll like it," Eskel says, "Just-"

He turns, his soft eyes full of warning. "Just don't put all your hopes on an old harpsichord."

Lambert snorts, "Too little too late!" He laughs. And Lambert has always been hateful, more so since Aiden was lost, but the words feel true.

Jaskier smiles when he presents him with the harpsichord. He exclaims and laughs and claps his hands. He extolls its virtues, coos over its decorations, fusses over it with all the enthusiasm of a performing parrot. He pulls Ciri onto his lap and guides her hands on the keys, composes a little ditty on the fly for Yennefer, plays something sweet and sad that makes Lambert turn his face away. In all the merriment and gratitude and excitement, he looks Geralt in the eyes only once. Once, upon the first shock of the present. Once, with eyes wide and open, like a wound.

Geralt lingers as the others go off to bed, watching as Jaskier slowly fades as his audience wanes.

"Thank you, Geralt." he says. "It is truly a magnificent present. And far more than I deserve."

Do not thank me is what Geralt wants to say. Do not thank me, not when I have done this to you.

"I didn't do much," is what comes out of his mouth. "It was already there."

Jaskier does not look at him. "If this is an apology-" he says, "I do not need it. You were tired and upset. You spoke your mind. And nothing you said was- untrue. From a certain point of view. You do not need to absolve your guilt to me."

"Jaskier," Geralt says. "I'm sorry."

"And I forgive you." Jaskier says "I forgave you even the moment you after spoke. I don't think I would be myself if I could do otherwise."

It is done. The gift given, the apology accepted. And yet the silence still sits heavy in the air. It is not fixed. It is still broken. It is still out of tune and all of Geralt's twisting and tunings have not set the melody to rights.

"Why are you still like this?" He says. Jaskier stiffens. The words are wrong again, he's done it again, and he could scream with frustration, like a child who keeps swinging the sword and cutting himself on the dulled edge.

"Do you know the Countess de Stael bought me a Stradivarius once?" Jaskier said. "You don't know what that is. A fiddle, rarer than rubies. There were only twenty ever made. It sings like nothing else. She presented it to me on a bed of velvet, and told me she loved me. She told me to stay. And I would have."

Jaskier plinks a few idle notes. "She kicked me out a month later. Too mouthy. Too tacky. Too gauche. She had found someone better. She took back the Stradivarius and handed it off to her new minstrel."

"What I am saying, Geralt-" He says. "What I am asking- Is that you not do things you do not mean. That you not give me false hope. That you stop trying to make me love you, because I already do. I already do and it hurts. It hurts so much."

[trippinsorrows]

looking through your eyes + short

a/n: angsty mess that's very multiverse based and somehow is 2 thousand freaking words....

----

"dada!"

one word. one word has easily become solana's favorite word in the entirety of the english language. a great feat considering her immense reverence and respect for the written word.

but, it's solely because unlike many of the other infinite words to exist, this one means so much to her. it means everything to her.

it's her world.

she is her world.

tearing her focus from the soapy water where she washes the dishes and pots from tonight's dinner, solana instead focuses on the sight that she would give anything to make her usual.

roman, this large specimen of a man, sitting on the floor, legs spread. he's dressed in some joggers, his shirt discarded, a small smile on his face as he speaks in a low voice to their 11-month-old daughter who wobbles in his direction.

it makes solana chuckle. melea rarely walks for her, prefers to crawl her cute self all over the house, if she could. but the minute her daddy comes around, she suddenly finds the ability and drive to use her legs.

solana studies the way roman reaches over to pick up melea, his own smile growing at the sound of his baby girl's sweet giggles as he lifts her up and plays with her.

eyes shutting, solana revels in this moment. does her best to stay in the here and now. tries not to think about tomorrow, about the absence of roman's body next to her in the bed, the crushing feeling of going into melea's crib, waking her up only for her to ask with those big, beautiful eyes, "dada?"

it kills her.

every. single. time.

sadness clouding her previous enjoyment, solana returns her focus to cleaning up the kitchen, instead focusing on making sure everything is put away and the dishes used are all sparkling clean.

it's an effective distraction, because by the time she's done, roman is sitting on the sofa, holding a sleeping melea.

small smile, she walks over to quietly sit down next to him, asking, "you want me to put her down?"

he looks over, shaking his head, "not yet."

she nods. she should have expected that. he enjoys spending as much time with her as he can when he can. for obvious reasons.

solana simply lays against the sofa, studying her daughter's sleeping face. as much as melea clearly loves her daddy, she looks so much like her mama. the most she has from roman is his dark hair color and those eyes. which solana has zero complaints about. of the many things she loves about her husband, his eyes rank pretty high up there.

"can you believe she's going to be one next month?" solana is both asking him and herself. it blows her mind sometimes just how quickly times has passed. continued to pass. her sweet little girl is going to be a year. it's been an entire year since solana became a mother.

roman chuckles, eyes focused on his daughter who sleeps so calmly on his chest. "not at all."

solana swallows, asking, "will you be here for her birthday?"

at that, his eyes turn to her, surprised almost, "of course." he then asks, almost defensively, "why?"

she shrugs, not wanting to feed too much into that defensiveness. "i never know when you're coming, ro."

"i wouldn't miss my daughter's first birthday, sol."

solana hates it. hates the bitter retort she has to do her best to suppress. to push away. it's cruel and uncalled for, but it's exactly how she feels.

clearing her throat, she carefully moves off the sofa, murmuring, "i'm gonna go take my shower."

she doesn't say anything else, already knowing he'll most likely have melea down and in bed by the time she gets out.

and that's exactly what happens, solana walking out the shower to find him sitting on the edge of the bed, phone in hand. as soon as he lifts his head to look at her, his phone is discarded, and he's motioning her to come over.

wordlessly, she walks in between his thick, muscular legs until his hands are on her hips.

solana bites down on her lip, more than eager to skip to the part where he makes love to her throughout the night, until both of them are completely spent, tangled limbs and souls intertwined.

but roman has something else on his mind, bringing up not even an hour ago. "you wanted to say something. earlier."

solana stills for a second. she should have known better. known he would pick up on it.

she shakes her head, moving her hands up and down his strong shoulders. "it doesn't matter."

"everything matters when it comes to you, solana," he reminds, again asking, "tell me."

looking away, she debates lying to him, but she already knows it's a stupid plan. there is no lying to her husband. he sees through everything.

so, she swallows her anxiety at how she believes or knows this conversation will play out and shrugs, "i was just....i was just going to say maybe....maybe it would be easier if we....if we could come live with you." it's in watching his eyes shut, the almost scowl on his face and especially the way he stands up, walking away, hands on his hip, that solana knows exactly how this is going to play out.

not well.

as per usual.

"baby....we've talked about this." solana hugs herself, already dreading it. "why do you keep bringing it up? where is this coming from?"

"where do you think it came from, roman?" she asks, shaking her head. "our daughter is turning one, and i had to ask you if you're going to be there for her birthday, because i never know when you have time for us and when you don't---"

he turns around at that, gaze sharp and steel. "don't do that. don't fucking do that. you know what you mean to me. what she means to me."

feeling emboldened, she challenges, "just not enough for us to actually live together like a family?"

roman's eyes soften ever so slightly as he once again expresses, "it's too danger---"

"God, i'm so sick and tired of hear that." she cuts him off, eyes closing, mentally replaying the many times she's heard as such. "i understand that, roman. i do, but what you don't seem to understand is how hard this is for me." solana doesn't know where exactly it's coming from, well, not entirely, but the restrain she typically uses when it comes to this sensitive subject is all but gone. "i wake up alone almost every night. i go to sleep alone. i wake up our daughter alone. i bring her to my mom's alone. god, i---roman, i attended every ultrasound appointment alone. you....you weren't even there for her birth."

it's a low blow. deep down, she knows that. doesn't need to see the hurt flash in his eyes at something she knows he'll never truly get over. but, that wasn't just hard for him. it was hard for her. one of the happiest days of her life was also the saddest, because while her mom was with her on one side, the other side where he should have been, helping and supporting her as she gave him his first child, was empty.

but, of course, he won't comment on that, won't talk about one of his most painful regrets. he instead deflects, granted with a gentleness reserved for her and their child..

his volume lowers as well. "sol, you knew it would be this way before---"

"you're right, i did." because she did. because he made her very aware from the very beginning that he could never openly be with her. it was too dangerous. he had far too many enemies and would never risk anything happening to her. she understood it then. still understands it now, especially with them having a baby. it just sucks though. "and i'm not...i'm not mad at you, ro. i'm just frustrated with the situation. i'm tired of feeling like a single mother---"

at that, she sees the pain melt into something much more familiar for most people acquainted with roman reigns.

she sees anger.

but, she knows it's really hurt. he's understandably hurt by her honesty.

"you're acting like i don't fucking do anything." his tone continues to stay in the lanes of harshness, which doesn't help her tone down her frustration. "i'm trying, solana."

"but, it's not enough, roman!" she doesn't intend to raise her voice. it's a natural consequence of the emotions that have been bubbling to the surface for some time now. eyes watering, she explains, "you've given me this beautiful house, yes. i want for nothing financially, yes. you have the fucking secret service it feels like watching me and mel, yes, but.....but, i still feel so alone." sniffling, she admits, "i feel like i love you full time, but you only love us part time. when you can. and that's not....that's not fair. it's.....it's starting to mess with me, roman."

the tears are inevitable at this point, and before she knows it, roman is before her, gently cupping her face, wiping away her tears. "baby, please don't cry." it fascinates her how only seconds ago he was being borderline mean only for him to shift so easily into this gentle man who she loves with every part of her. "i fucking hate seeing you upset. you know this."

he would have hated to see her last week when she truly broke down over all of this.

"sometimes, i....i wonder if we moved too fast." met, married, and pregnant within a year, most would say it was absolutely too fast. most don't know, however, just how deeply she loves this man. "is this what you want?"

"i love you, solana. i love melea. i would give fucking anything for things to be different, but i can't. i can't change who i am, and what i do." he swallows. "but, i can't lose you either, so tell me how we make this work."

the real answer is she doesn't know. she doesn't know the sustainability of this dynamic. sporadic visits from her husband who only a handful of people know is her husband as he visits her and a daughter even fewer people know exist. she wants to love and be in love openly and wholly. not in the shadows and corners of secrecy.

but, maybe that's another problem for another day, because what solana wants the most is to just be with this man. be with the man she's shared so many first with. first time. first love. first child. there is no her without him, and navigating that might be difficult, but she'll do it. because she'll do anything be with him.

"i love you." she murmurs and moves against his chest, letting him hold and comfort her as he murmurs those precious words back to her. it settles her. more than it maybe should, but she doesn't question it. pulling back, solana reaches for his hand, moving it to her stomach. "the first one....just please be there for the first appointment."

roman seems to understand what she's telling him, but he still wants an additional layer of reassurance. "are you...."

she nods. a small, sad smile sets on her face. "yes, and i....i just want you there with me to hear it. to hear our baby's heartbeat this time."

roman scoffs, clearly a mixture of emotions: surprised, confused, happy. he then nods, his own face settling into the perfect combination of determination and dedication. "i'll be there." he kisses her forehead, so gently, so lovingly, vowing, "we're gonna be fine, sol. i promise."

as he takes her in his arms yet again, showering her with all of his love and vulnerability, rare displays only allotted to her and melea, solana's eyes shut.

if only she felt the same.

if only she trusted that they would be okay.

that this will work out.

but, she's not.

she's just not.

[astrologanize]

october 2024 sun sign horoscope

aries sun: cheers to you guys because it looks like you are standing up and ready to take on whatever comes your way. it seems many of you have a pretty solid idea by now of what you feel is worth putting your energy into, or you will be feeling this way by the end of the month. there are standards and expectations abound throughout this time, which can be a good thing because you are wanting to make thorough plans and make the necessary strides and make shit happen - but it becomes a not so great thing when it becomes a 'my way or the highway' type of deal. try to avoid dogmatic behavior and being demanding, be open to other possibilities, possibilities that may be out of your comfort zone. although your aries nature may have you tempted to make decisions and throw yourself into whatever has your focus this month, this isn't an ideal time for you to come to any absolute conclusions - let yourself have some wiggle room & levity for now.

taurus sun: hm, you know those moods where you feel like you should be doing something, like you're in an idle position in life? well, you're going to be resonating with that this month because i'm seeing you feeling indecisive, sober, and as if you've hit a dead-end. for some of you there may be something in your life that really has reached a dead-end and you are needing to recognize that there is nothing else you can do for the situation, it is just time to let it go and choose happiness. for others, it is just a feeling that you've hit a dead-end when in actuality this is a checkpoint for you to stop and count your blessings! try to avoid apathy or being a buzzkill, i'm not seeing you or others be outright rude or say out of pocket things per se...but there is a very closed off energy surrounding your month.

gemini sun: there is something in your life that has been draining the hell out of you, a situation or a person or old wounds or an accumulation of all, and by the end of this month you're going to be like 'ya know what...this doesn't even matter'. this may be a slower month for you guys because so much of it revolves around you getting away and removing yourself from whatever this something is - it may be that the issue drones on and interferes with your life to the point where you finally get your fill of it. there can be such a peace in knowing that it is out of your hands. choose to free yourself.

cancer sun: i see you guys are going to be working on your mindfulness this month. there is something in your life that you are going to be wanting to find resolve with, you're going to be trying to find a solution, it's like okay...let me really compose myself and get a grip here. a time for deep breaths! there may be a bitter seed involved here, maybe it's you or someone else, maybe someone else is bitter with you over something and that's why you're going to be trying to ponder a solution, or you may just be in your own standoffish mood over something. regardless, try to set aside any pride and be willing towards the situation, it's a time for you to adapt with what comes your way.

leo sun: oof. not the leo's having their confidence at an all time low this month! i'm afraid this is going to be one of those months where all you can do is just get through it. i'm not seeing many obstacles throughout your month though, all i'm seeing is you feeling totally not in your power, it's like this month is happening to you. on the positive side, it could be a time where you having no ego does make you more receptive to any issues you may need to work on and that doesn't feel great at first but it starts the growth process. for some of you it's like you've made your choice about something and it's not what you want or you've done something that you're not proud of and have consequences to face, very ~i've made my bed and now i'm going to lie in it~. try to confront any waves of sadness, don't fight your feelings, choose to be mature, and remember to get better not bitter.

virgo sun: lol every time i read for y'alls 2024 it sticks out so much in comparison to everyone else's. anyway. this is a lighthearted month!! though you will be having a slew of feelings accompanying it, there are options available to you and chances and surprises that would be worth looking into. you may catch the lovebug this month, you may be flirting with others, others may be flirting with you, you're going to want to look good, pick out an outfit spur of the moment, and be infatuated with life or yourself or someone - which does come with all sorts of emotions. but in order to have these good times it may very well be that you need to wash your hands of something, make a tough choice, relieve yourself of something that has been hampering you; or it could be that you need to remember not to settle and to not make things more complicated than they need to be.

libra sun: there is going to be something that really trips y'all up this month, something you are not expecting, something that you feel out of your element with, something that makes you feel ill-prepared...standing there like omg what the heck do i do?! if you have any plans in mind this month, which you probably do since it's most of y'alls birth month, they may not happen the way you want but it can be a chance to do something different. try to avoid bruised ego behavior like saying or doing something out of pocket just because you're feeling not so great about yourself or what you have (or don't have) happening in your life. try to keep your feelings in check, practice finding acceptance, and lean more on others this month!! it's your birthday season, it's a time to be inspired and embrace connection.

scorpio sun: usually you guys are like 'eh whatever i got this shit' but this month you should set aside what you think you know and have a lil chip on your shoulder, try to level up if you will. there may be a certain connection in your life (platonic or romantic) that is overarching this month with you wanting to get closer to this person or actively getting closer to them - which will involve you curbing any unnecessary sharpness and putting in effort. there is going to be a break in your routine...as there consistently has been throughout this year...and this may be voluntary as you implement or do something new or it could be that your routine is interrupted. i do see you guys extending yourselves this month and putting in extra effort, just gotta make sure it's coming from an earnest place and not you doing a whole bunch of everything & nothing to deflect from what you should do. there is potential for wrongdoing this month, maybe from you or from someone else, due to there being a lack of fairness and accountability/dependability so try to be conscientious to avoid this!

sagittarius sun: i've made a few posts this past year about the grounding energy that has been surrounding us and october for y'all surely is looking like it could be a testament to remaining grounded. throughout the month you will be taking the things that do not pan out in your favor on the chin, that sagittarius ability to shrug things off will be in full effect - but there will be issues with your ego this month, maybe in a positive light you will be choosing to put your ego aside for the sake of peace/connection, or maybe you're going to have difficulties actually handling something maturely due to your ego getting the better of you. what is also coming through is matters of the home/family, maybe you're going back home, maybe you're going to be spending more time than usual at your home, maybe there will be something notable with a family member or someone you live with. try to choose integrity, try to avoid behaving carelessly, if there is anyone that you have strife with then maybe a heartfelt conversation could help remedy it, often the softer road is the more challenging road but it is worth the effort.

capricorn sun: this is an interesting month i would say, it's reminding me of the song "tubthumping" - "i get knocked down but i get up again. you are never gonna keep me down" because although i am seeing defeat in the month i'm not seeing you be dispirited by it and unwilling to try again. throughout october you will be *trying*, you will be putting forth an effort, you will be dedicated (to something), you will be building faith and striving for an embracing of life by the end of the month. other happenings of the month may include you letting your guard down and being serious/vulnerable, you doing away with what you have had in mind, issues with others, you being less social and more busy. for the past few horoscopes the advice has been to take it easy and pace yourself but this month feel free to throw caution to the wind and just decide to do shit.

aquarius sun: back in august there was palpable new energy for you to seize and most of you were taking full advantage of it but that energy is starting to need a funnel. throughout october there will be disappointments, your parade may feel rained on at times, it seems that this will be a time where one thing after another is happening - it's like having 5 different significant incidents happen within a 2-week span. it shall be a time of recognizing that you need to correct course, get the energy in line, focus on your priorities, and show up for yourself in the ways you're needing rather than wanting. for some of you, part of the 'rain' you may be experiencing will be due to you facing the music on something because there is a theme of accountability coming through, and what's fair is fair - what is deserved will be served. try to avoid being scatterbrained this month, try to avoid being overly ambitious, try to get a good grip on what you already have going on in your life.

pisces sun: it is time to call the play on something in your life, something has gotta stop, something needs to be let go of because it's not fulfilling or leading to fulfillment, it's not what you want, and it feels like a chore that isn't worth the effort. for some of you this may be related to a connection but whatever it is, you are going to be choosing (to focus on) yourself by the end of this month. try to set any feelings & attachments aside and be brutally honest with yourself, while also trying to remember that there are other possibilities & opportunities out in the world just waiting for you to welcome them in...ya know the saying...one door closes, another opens.

[mimisempai]

You make everything better

Summary

Aziraphale cleans up, humming The Sound of Music, and Crowley wonders if he too is one of the angel's favourite things.

Notes

Absolutely no shame about the amount of fluff in this ficlet....

On Ao3

Rating G -  918 words

“When the dog bites

When the bee stings

When I'm feeling sad

I simply remember my favorite things

And then I don't feel so bad.”

Aziraphale hadn't heard Crowley arrive and was humming as he cleaned the living room, waving his feather duster to the rhythm of his song.

Crowley leaned against the doorframe and watched him for a few moments, amused. When Aziraphale stopped singing, the demon asked, "Really? The sound of music? I seem to remember you looking rather horrified a few years ago when I mentioned the idea of hearing it for eternityyyyy in heaven..."

Aziraphale turned and chuckled slightly before replying, "The very fact of not being doomed to it makes it enjoyable from time to time."

Crowley nodded.

"Not to mention the number of culinary mentions of that song. Between the schnitzel with noodles and the crisp apple strudel, there's enough to make your mouth water, isn't there, Angel? Which brings me to the reason for my interruption. Your tea is ready."

"Perfect timing, my dear, I needed a little break."

The angel put down his duster and joined Crowley, lifting his head to receive a kiss that the demon didn't hesitate to plant on his lips before they walked together to the kitchen.

There, Crowley pushed a steaming cup of tea toward the angel, who grabbed it greedily. Then, lifting it to his face, Aziraphale inhaled deeply, and as the demon sipped his espresso, he watched with fondness the look of pure delight that crossed his lover's face.

Of all the myriad things that made Aziraphale so endearing to Crowley, he wasn't sure which he liked best. But among the most important was his love for the good and beautiful things in life, whether culinary, musical, artistic, literary, or any other field that piqued his interest, and his inexhaustible capacity to enjoy the simplest little things in life.

"Crowley?"

Aziraphale's soft voice snapped him out of his thoughts and the angel continued, asking worriedly, "Is everything all right?"

Crowley nodded and took another sip of coffee as Aziraphale went on, "You seemed lost in your thoughts."

Crowley reassured him with a smile as he replied, "I was thinking back to the lyrics of the song you were humming and wondering if I might be one of your favorite things to help you not feel too bad when things are not quite right."

Aziraphale shook his head and approached Crowley, wrapping his arms around the demon's neck as he said softly, "You, my dear demon, have a unique place. You're not one of my favorite things, but you're the only one that's indispensable to me. As vital as the air that humans breathe. My favorite things don't matter if you're not there to share them with me. If I can't enjoy them with you."

Crowley should have known by now that Aziraphale was the angel who never ceased to baffle him. Especially now that they were both free, now that he wasn't afraid to express what he was feeling.

He closed his arms around Aziraphale and leaned in to press his lips to hers in another tender kiss before holding him close.

After a few moments, Aziraphale pulled away a little and traced the outline of Crowley's eyes with his fingertips, humming to the tune of the song he'd sung earlier: "Your eyes whose color makes the sun pale in comparison."

Crowley smiled a little, and Aziraphale, running his thumb over the smiling lips, continued: “This little smile of which I know I am the reason...”

Then his hand moved down Crowley's arm, intertwining his fingers with those of his lover as he continued: "Your hand, which fits perfectly into mine, these are a few of my favorite things..."

Crowley chuckled softly and replied, "Angel! You are such a poet!"

Aziraphale replied, "You bring out the best in me, and that's nothing considering you inspired Shakespeare himself."

They laughed together at this shared memory, and Crowley could not help but ask, "Tell me more about these favorite things, Angel."

Aziraphale smiled knowingly and continued his song, "The sound of your voice when you tell me you love me, holding hands unworried 'cause now we are free," he paused to stroke Crowley's cheek and continued, "That sweet expression you have only for me, those are a few of my favorite things..."

Then Aziraphale brought his lips close to Crowley's and murmured against them, "When the dog bites, when the bee stings, when I feel sad, I just remember that you're my favorite thing, and then I don't feel so bad."

Then the angel stopped singing and continued, "Actually, that's an understatement, it's not that I don't feel so bad, it's that I feel so much better. You've always made things better for me, everything's better because you're here, Crowley."

Crowley, overwhelmed by emotion and unable to respond, did the only thing he could - he closed the distance between them and pressed his lips to Aziraphale's in a passionate kiss.

Later, when they parted to catch their breath, Crowley cupped Aziraphale's face in his hands and said softly, "I don't know where to begin in listing all the favorite things I have when I'm with you, but I feel like there's still more to discover, Angel."

Aziraphale replied with a cheeky grin, "That's okay, we've got an eternity for that."

Crowley leaned over and planted a light kiss on Aziraphale's nose before smiling and saying, "Eternityyyyy? That might become another one of my favorite things."

_________

Still not beta'd

Still not my native language

Still hoping you'll enjoy this story  🥰

Still thanking you for bearing with me 😝

South Downs cottage series : here

Ineffable fan fictions Masterpost : here

[nyx-thedragon]

Newsies thoughts part 3

so I just finished watching Newsies 1992 for the fourth time, and noted down a bunch of things I noticed or thoughts I had. I didn't do this the third time I watched bc that one was with my brother and I wanted to focus on the movie and talking and joking with him lol.

anyway, I noted down a lot of things, so prepare for a long post. (these are in order of when I thought of them, and I'm typing them from my notes app so enjoy my train of thought/how my brain thinks)

1- shoutout to Mr Kloppman for taking care of the boys

2- what's the story behind the lady that comes in singing about her son in "Carrying the Banner"? she fucking slays, but I'm very confused about it

3- they're literally just a bunch of teenage boys who've been dealt an awful hand in life but try their best to keep everyone's morale up and stay positive (me realizing how sad the reality of the newsboys is)

4- all the older newsies taking care of and helping the little ones I love them so bad

5- you can tell how close the newsies are with each other I love it. family for real

6- why does Les carry a wooden sword almost the whole movie?

7- "this is my brother David. he's older" "oh, no kiddin'"

8- love love love how all the newsies just adopt David and Les into the group immediately

9- Pulitzer needs a magnifying glass to read the big-ass headline lmao

10- Seitz lowkey seems to kinda be on the newsies' side

11- why does the crowd boo when the old guy is holding up the "round 58" sign? (during the scene where there's a boxing match going on)

12- Les and Davey immediately follow Jack in running from Snyder even though they've never been in trouble with the law

13- Davey stops Les from putting his head in the horse mask thing (?) (when they're in Medda's theatre)

14- Jack just staring at Davey while Medda coos over Les

15- genuinely Jack did not need to pull Davey by his tie. he could've grabbed his shoulder, but no. had to pick the gayest option

16- Davey inviting Jack to his house after just meeting him literally like not even 12 hours ago. and then inviting him to stay the night?? down bad behavior for real. and he seems so nervous to introduce him to his parents too ??

17- Sarah Jacobs please give me a chance please please please

18- ngl the scenes with Jack and Sarah are a little bit like,,,cringe?? idk they just don't feel right idk if they have enough chemistry for Sarah to realistically be Jack's love interest

19- bro just casually steals a horse and no one goes after him ??? (during Santa Fe)

20- the stupid fucking calculation thing Pulitzer does with his arms omg it's so funny for no reason

21- Kid Blink either doesn't see or just doesn't care that one of the Delanceys is mocking him

22- Jack puts his hand like right next to Davey's face and then slowly moves it away lol (when Jack is asking Davey what he should say to the other newsies when first planning the strike)

23- Davey staring longingly at Jack while he's up writing "strike" on the board

24- "i need some of those...what do you call 'em?" "whatever you want!" (from a random newsie in the crowd, love whoever that was)

25- Spot Conlon hears Davey say one sentence and is like 'yeah this guy never shuts up once you get him going, i can tell' (hence "walking mouth")

26- who is the newsie that just appears behind Jack while they're in Brooklyn talking to Spot??

27- Mush and Davey friendship i love you so

28- where does Race get a harmonica from for "Seize The Day"?

29- love all the littles standing on the statue pedestal during "Seize The Day"

30- Jack and Davey jump up on the statue pedestal and start kicking each other. playing footsie, boys?

oh dear lord i did not realize i noted down this much holy shit

31- Davey immediately looking for Les when the cops show up

32- the Refuge needs better security at the gate cuz how did newsies sneak in TWICE

33- they had time to choreograph a whole dance routine bro (the little seize the day reprise thing)

34- "everyone remain calm" "let's soak 'em for Crutchie!"

35- Davey gets pulled away by someone in the crowd while trying to help Jack (during the big scene when they get ambushed by the police at the distribution place)

36- why are half of the Brooklyn guys grown ass men?? and they're intimidated enough by Spot Conlon to let him be the leader? man i love Spot Conlon he's so cool

37- Spot and Kid Blink lowkey friendship love it

38- Dutchy being horizontal for the picture

39- the workers at the restaurant just watching the chaos of "King of New York"

40- i hate Snyder's face. it makes me uncomfy

41- Sarah Jacobs, how is your hair perfect right after waking up tell me your secrets

42- if they wanted the Jack and Sarah love interest story to actually work better, they should've fit more scenes of them talking

43- nah cuz actually wdym Jack's "real" name is Francis?? he doesn't look like a Francis at all (this is just me being baffled that he could be named Francis, of all things)

44- who is letting Kid Blink hang off the fucking balcony bro he is nawt gonna land on his feet

45- Race and Blink being Medda's #1 hype men <3

oh my fucking god i'm so sorry this is so long i apologize profusely. if you've made it this far, go get a little treat for yourself

46- Jack and Davey are so grabby with each other when Davey is warning Jack about Snyder

47- Medda i love you !!! (tried to fight off the police to defend Race. "he's just a child")

48- how are the newsies losing the fight against the police? there's like a thousand of them and not as many of the police (or at least it seems there's a lot less police)

49- Denton trying to get to Jack when he's captured by the police

50- Race trying to gamble with the judge, he's so unserious

51- the look Jack gives Davey when Snyder starts telling the truth about Jack (his real name, his dad not being out West)

52- i keep accidentally mixing up Specs and Dutchy lol. probably cuz they both wear glasses (i feel so bad for this omg i'm so sorry Specs and Dutchy)

53- no yeah, security at the gate of the Refuge is awful. 6 boys snuck in at once !!

54- why did Pulitzer tell Jack to shut up and listen THREE TIMES when he wasn't even talking ???

55- Davey was just standing in the courtyard outside Pulitzer's, how did no one see him?? he wasn't even hiding, dude

56- Mush shows up to get the "Newsies Banner" papers twice - once by himself and again with Kid Blink

57- "can you read? read that" (Race making sure the kids will be able to read the paper love him for that)

58- Race and Les's little friendship moment is cute ("when the distribution bell starts ringin', will we hear it?" "nah")

59- Race's reaction to Roosevelt is funny. "Roosevelt!?" (bro is shocked)

60- Denton hanging out with Les while Davey gets his papes

61- Race cheering when Jack kisses Sarah. "Jackie boy!"

whew oh dear lord I am so so so sorry for this being so fucking long. I didn't even realize I had noted down so many things I feel bad for making folks have to read this whole thing if they want to see all my thoughts. maybe I should split this in half and have two posts instead of this long one?? idk let me know what you think. also, if I got the names wrong for any newsies, please let me know I'm still learning lol.

uh yeah, this post is over now. stay hydrated, get some rest, and stay cool

[bidisasterevankinard]

so hard to choose from all these wips but pls gimme some of:

🔄🔄🔄

❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

📝📝📝📝📝

👨‍🍳👨‍🍳👨‍🍳👨‍🍳👨‍🍳

yeah months after but I finally got toanswer it (I'm sorry <333)

9 from 7x4 reverse with Sal:

“So, how was football?” Tommy aims for feigned disinterest, missing some lightness in tone for it to be believable, but Sal just drugs and smiles.

“It was fine. Kid got us good tickets. And it was cool to watch the game with someone who doesn’t moan every second about how bored he is.”

“Hey, I don’t moan!”

“Yeah, you're right. You whine like a baby who wants cuddles from their mama.”

“I don’t whine,” whines Tommy and on Sal’s smirk and a raised eyebrow answers with silence, changing the tactic.

9+ for break up and make up after 7s au:

“And then Sal …” when Evan says the name it’s like the lever inside his mind is yanked down and his brain is off. Evan’s voice is around him but he hears nothing. It’s like the headphones are put on him and he can make some outside noise, but not enough to actually comprehend anything. He just sits there, passing his food, not in the mood to eat. His stomach feels too easy to make sick.

“..my! Tommy!” the louder when before voice and the touch of his shoulder makes him jump in his seat and Evan takes his hand away. “Sorry, you just weren't answering me and I asked if you wanted to come to my place or you wanted me to come to yours as you seem pretty tired,” Evan smirks, but his usual playfulness and Tommy tries to answer but big blue eyes go sadder.

He guesses he didn’t fool Evan.

“Sorry, Evan, I’m really tired and have a headache. Want to be alone. If it’s ok?”

15 for Justin knows best:

“From what I saw he was,” Mr. Russo’s voice answers, “he was almost eye fucking you during renovations.”

“I’m sure he did it not to me, but to Eddie. Or should I remind you that it’s him he took to Vegas and I’ve got only one Harbor tour that I asked about.”

Justin nods to sadness in Mr.B voice feeling the anger on his uncle and Mr.Diaz getting higher. They broke his perfect plan and made Mr. B sad.

“First, Eddie was on the other side of the room and those big blue eyes were still taking off your tank top and shorts. Second, I remember about Vegas. You were mopping about it a lot recently,” Mr. Russo listed. “Maybe it was just a friendly fly? I mean they watched a fight together. If you ask me I’d fight a guy who takes me to a fight as a first date because I hate it. And you too.”

“Yeah, I thought it too,” Mr. says and then he somehow gets sadder, “but it wasn’t only Vegas. They also worked over Eddie’s Chavele. And yesterday they went to Karaoke trivia together. And Eddie asked me to babysit,” Mr. B whines the last sentence and Justin sees red. 

and 15 for second part on I wanna dance with you universe

“What is it?” Evan asks and Tommy shrugs, giving him a playful look, and waits for him to open the box, loving the laugh Evan makes when he reads the custom inscription.

Still laughing, Evan takes the bright pink apron out and turns it so that Tommy can read it, bold black lettering makes him smirk again.

He’s my favorite housewife

“So you want me as your housewife?” Evan asks.

“Do you like it,” Tommy ignores the question.

“I like the color and the title but only if it’s a joke. Because if it’s not, it's like a huge red flag and I’m gonna run from here right now.”

Tommy hugs the perfect waist, kissing the neck, loving the shiver that goes over Evan’s body, “just a joke, baby of course. And now as far as I remember,” Tommy nuzzles into Evan's neck, biting it, “I was promised that if I'll buy you apron you love, I can fuck you in it. Only in it,” Tommy whispers in Evan’s ear and  bites the skin right near it.

“I-I did say it, didn’t I?” Evan puts his hand in his hair pushing his head till their lips meet.

Using his body weight Tommy pushes his boyfriend till he’s near the counter and then sits him there, not breaking the kiss, with pleasure swallowing the moan Evan makes.

Ending the kiss Tommy gets back to working on Evan’s neck, while his boyfriend unbuttons his shirt.

[amanda-519]

Clementine's song in Songs of Origin is so interesting to me!! I had to theorize about what it means. Do spoilers for the song!! I'm going to analyze each and every lyric to understand what Clementine's childhood was like.

Starting off with the lyrics:

"Bird cage blue and yellow"

The lyrics start off with a bird cage, something that traps which is supposed to be free. I think in this song the bird cage is Clem's old home, and bird, in a sense, is them. I think the entrapment is more emotional than physical, but I'll get into that soon.

As for "blue and yellow" I think it symbolizes opposing emotions, like blue for sadness and happiness for yellow. Maybe it describes how sometimes Clemie was happy in the house (but still trapped) and sometimes sad.

"Candles warm and windows bare" continue on his dual nature. The candles bring warmth, but the bare windows suggest that Clem felt vulnerable, or isolated. It represents warmth but also exposure/emptiness.

"Tracing upturned smiles of portraits/drawn to disappear" the first line could be read in two ways I think. The first is that Clemie is tracing the smiles on portraits because they don't feel happy/feel that it's fake. Like, that the smiles are fake or forced, and that outside of the portraits they disappear.

And my other interpretation is Clemie's family used to be happy, but maybe something happened (like a death) and the smiles that once existed in the photos are now gone, ans Clemie is reminiscing on them.

"Flowers never talk, they never want/they never need" this line suggests to me that Clemie was seen as a flower. Pretty, but neglected (which is more clear in the next verse).

"In a cradle gilded, they are left/to rot yet never bleed" again I think in the song Clemie is the flowers. They were treated as something precious but neglected. I think the neglect is mainly emotional, since the sing also has themes of isolation. Like Clemie was left alone or maybe even isolated from other people.

I also think the "never bleed" line is about how Clemie wasn't supposed to show their pain. Like they're been "left to rot" yet they're expected to "never bleed" (show pain)

"Eyes of silver, mirror, mirror/Thread on wood and steel" These lines actually threw me a bit. Clemie has silver eyes, and this is a shot in the dark, but maybe Clemie's parent(s) also have silver eyes, and the "mirror, mirror" part is the parent seeing themselves in Clemie, and thus thinking they are beautiful, but neglecting them or keeping them away from their peers?

I'm not quite sure what "Thread on wood and steel" is supposed to mean. Maybe something mechanical that contrasts with Clemie's natural association with flowers?

Maybe it's about how Clemie was woven into a harsh, unfeeling life?? Like, wood and steel being harsh materials, and how the rest of the song is about how Clemie was controlled in their previous environment.

"Keep what can be kept" this ties to into my (mostly unfounded) theory that Clemie is the child of a dead parent, and their other parent, in a effort to preserve the dead parent, is "keeping" them, maybe even putting them in a glided cage, something pretty but still a cage, in a effort to protect them?

"And heave to see which one will kneel" this line suggests some kind of fight for control. Maybe Clemie eventually got sick of living in a glided cage and tried to fight back?

"I've been told to wait/but why should there be silence" finally! A less ambiguous line. Maybe Clemie, after getting tried of living in a glided cage, rebelled, and was told to wait/be slient. I'm not quite sure what they're being told to wait for, though. Maybe it's more of a general dismissal, like "ask me about this later" when "later" being "never".

"Dawning pretty laces/Weaving capes of gold/and framing muffled faces" these lines tie into the rest of the songs themes, with beauty, weaving, gold, and being silenced.

I think Clemie's parent(s) had a lot of money, and thus they lived a life of "luxury". They were seen as something pretty, like a flower, and wore pretty laces and gold, but their issues were silenced (muffled).

"I can be different" this line suggests a breaking of a cycle. Maybe, since Clemie's family was rich, they were expected to act a certain way, and this is them claiming that they're allowed to be different from their family.

"I can't be puppeted!" (Funnily, I actually missed this line the first time I wrote this out because I was going off the description lyrics, and the description is missing this lyric).

Pretty self explanatory. Clemie is saying that they can't be controlled. This is they fully fighting against their "gilded cage".

"Garden evergreen/was what I thought I would see" garden symbolism, which ties into Clemie's nature/flower symbolism. Maybe when Clemie was young they liked their home, but as they were controlled more and more, and isolated, it became both "yellow" and "blue". But they once saw it as a place of peace/growth.

"Branches meet my steps/their kisses open up ravines" As Clemie walks through their home, now feeling controlled, they find branches. Maybe the "garden evergreen" they once pictured has died, and all that is left are branches.

"Their kisses" could represent their family or parent(s). How they might try to comfort Clemie, but all it does it create a bigger wedge (ravine) between them.

"Fences frozen in a dance/they're yet to perform" this could symbolize how rigid Clemie's old life was. I was pretty stuck on what "fences" could represent.

A wall between them and the outside world? A boundary? A barrier?

And how that ties into the rest of the line/song.

Like did Clemie feel like they had barriers in their previous life that made them frozen? What about "in a dance"?

I eventually settled on the idea that this line implies tension between freedom and restriction. A fence is a boundary, but it's ready to move/dance, but it's frozen. It's yet to preform, but it wants to.

"I leave the house and the Baroness/buried in before" this all but confirms that Clemie came from a house with money, maybe they're the child of a baroness?

Or, it might not be so literal, with the baroness simply being Clemie's mother that is strict on them, playing the part of a baroness.

The "buried in before" line represents Clemie leaving behind their old life.

The line "Finndu mig í framtíðinni", according to Google translate, means "find me in tbe future". This could be Clemie saying that they have completely abandoned their previous life, that you will only find them in the "future".

"Rödd eins og bjalla/heldur okkur öruggum/ frá framtíðinni" means "A voice like a bell/keeps us safe/from the future" this line is really interesting to me.

The "voice like a bell" represents, to me at least, the Bellringer, someone Clemie feels a connection to and looks up to. Though I'm not sure "keeps us safe/from the future" in this context means, why would Clemie need to be kept safe from the future? If what they're left buried is the past? Maybe Clemie just feels anxious about the future.

--

In conclusion, to me Clemie's song tells the story in which they grew up in a rich house (maybe even as a child of a baroness). They were seen as pretty, but emotional neglected by their family and isolated.

At first Clemie liked their life, but as they grew up and their family became more controlling, they found that their life wasn't "evergreen". They started having conflicting emotions about their life, feeling trapped inside a glided cage, but still warm.

Until it becomes too much and they start rebelling against their family, until they finally run away.

What do you think? If you have any ideas/thoughts, please send me an ask or reblog with your thoughts!! I loved the new songs so much!! Who knows, I might even do something similar for Cole's song!

[kingofbodyrolls]

For this rainbow, I finally picked up my professional camera again. The last images stored there tells me that the last time I used it was the 1st of December 2023. Wild. But I picked it up thanks to this pretty rainbow, which was actually a double rainbow. So pretty. This image is made up of three into a panorama shot, and Lightroom was a bit funky with putting them together, so please don't mind the badly processed house in the middle; no, we're not looking at that 😂

For people who want a wall of text status update, it's under the cut.

How are you all doing? I'm hanging in there. Not active much, but I still haven't gotten myself into deleting my tumblr app. So I still see and get all your notifs, even if I don't reply right away! I'm still taking time off, trying to figure out what I want to do with the blog for the future... I have not written a fanfic in some time now, but I have two finished stories that are ready to be published, but I'm not sure. I'm not sure about a lot of things these days... I've had dark days, written a lot of sad and dark poems (that will go on my sub blog some time in the future), and I've begun to write an original story. It's really fun; about magic, witches and mages; about good and evil and all the gray in between. It will probably bore you, but it's fun to write, even though I don't think anyone would read it except for a few friends (even though this thing might be the longest thing I'll write, turning into either two or three books lol).

Serotonin boost I get happy when I get notifs with comments and/or reblogs of my stories; it really touches my heart. To be honest, this is why I left/taking time off. I've always felt that interaction was low, and my stupid brain will not let me stop comparing myself to others, so it slowly killed my drive for writing and posting. If no one interacts, what's the point of posting? If no one interacts, what's the point of writing? But I love writing, and it's one of my creative outlets, so I couldn't let that go completely, hence I started writing original stories instead; no ones gonna read them anyway, but I can still play with characters, world building and storytelling. Those are the things I loved about fanfics---and I still do, don't get me wrong. But I feel so discouraged being on here. But I'm happy to know that a few people still care.

The Downfall This also made it quite hard for me to read; because I felt so unmotivated... I haven't read much this month at all. I tried to read a fanfic this Monday, didn't finish it and haven't picked it up since. Honestly, I've just been watching documentaries because I'm in a (tumblr) slump. I feel drained though; I feel like I've given so much, and I love it. I love making people happy, leaving lovely reviews, and it's as much for myself as it is for making another person happy---but to be honest, it has drained me. I know I shouldn't ask for anything in return, but I feel imbalanced. Like I'm not being filled with much love, if that makes sense? I don't really feel appreciated, but don't get me wrong, I don't feel hated (yeah, I'm so good at being black and white), sorry---I know I sound very pessimistic. But you guess have always been so kind to me, and I love you a lot, and I have a few super lovely mutuals and friends that are lovely internet friends that I adore, so I wanted to be real with all of you. You can hate me for it if you want to. Go ahead.

I don't think I'm going to make a recommend list this month. I haven't really read anything, so it'll be really small. And I don't like the pressure of it anymore... which is why for a long time I've thought about not doing them anymore. Maybe some day I will again in the future. But I'd still love to make rec list on the member's birthdays! And I think this will help me, take some pressure off myself (that I've created myself), so I'll still read and rec, it will just be slower---whenever I feel like it, and not because I have to read to make a monthly rec list. This isn't my job, I'm not getting paid doing all of this, and the amount of time I've been spending on both reading and writing is more than 37+ hours a week, sooo. I have to slow down.

A part of me thinks that I flew too fast, too high and too close to the sun, lol. I'm still gonna be here, you can still send in asks for rec list or whatever you want, all is welcome (except hate, because then I'll simply just delete my blog, my mental health can't take that).

To post, or not to post? Should I post the two stories that I have? Both of them are for the series Friendcation.

And for the unfinished mermaid stories I still have left, I hope I'll finish them in the future; when, I don't know. Maybe one day I'll feel love for them again, to finish them. I have them all planned out, but like I mentioned before, with low interaction, I'm really not motivated to finish them, even though part of me really want to for the like five people that are so sweet and invested, and always comments and reblogs (you guys know who you are, and I love you so fucking much 🥰).

To all the stories I'll probably never write...

I still have some other unfinished but planned stories, and I'm gonna list them here, just for the hell of it. Don't know if people would have found them interesting anyway, but here goes:

Words on a Page (a Namjoon x reader, idol!au where reader is a fanfiction writer and interviewer for a magazine and has to interview BTS). Author's comment: probably never gonna write it. It has been done before, and it was just a very very silly dream I had.

Songs of The Heart (a Jimin x reader, musician!au where Jimin is a single father and reader moves into the house next to his, hear his lonely songs etc, they meet, talk, very angsty, sad and nostalgic and 'Who' coded). Author's comment: this idea came to me after listening to 'who' and then thinking about Jimin being my next door neighbor, yeah, that's it. Don't know if this will ever get written.

IT Support (a Jimin x reader, office!au where Jimin is your nerdy coworker, but a freak in the sheets, lol). Author's comment: this has honestly been on my list for years, but I never written anything for it, and I probably never will, even though I've made the banner and all.

I do have a few more, but I've already scraped those, and then there's the four mermaid stories to add to the list. I'm probably mostly excited about the mermaid stories, and those would be my priority if I ever get back into writing fanfiction again.

I swear, I'm almost finished... Okay, this whole thing has gotten incredibly long. Sorry. Before I end this post, I just want to say how happy and grateful I am to each and everyone of you. I've met some incredible nice people on here, some really caring ones. I'll never forget that. And I'll never forget each wonderful and lovely comment, some people have really helped me, motivated me when I felt low, and when I wanted to stop writing a few months back. Thank you. I kept going, and I wish I could keep going for you, making something special, for the special people I met here. I actually really wanted to do requests for you guys in hopes that it would motivate me into writing, but I just don't know. I still want to give so much back to the people who have hyped me up, so I'm going to tag a few of you lovely people--- if you have a request for a story, you're welcome to message me or send me an ask. I don't know if or when I'll write it, but in case I get a bit of motivation, I have some things I could write from, so if you want to, you can send me a request (just keep in mind the story will probably be a one-shot from 10-20k max or maybe shorter, lol, you never know with me). You don't have to send me a request, I simply want to give back to some lovely people. I wish I could hug you.

@letjungcoook7 @honeybloomyyyy @babystarcandyjk97 @minpdrecs @bobathi @allie-is-a-panda @back2bluesidex @gimeow @antisocial-mochi267

These are but just a few of the people that have supported me on there, either by commenting, reblogging, ask, messaging--you name it. I could list many others, and one day I might make a post celebrating all mt lovely mutuals, that means a lot to me. Thank you for interacting; you've (as long with others) helped me when times were tough. Thank you.

I had actually planned to open a "recommend a fic" section/box, but I'm not sure about that. I still have so many fics on my to read list, and right now I don't want to pile more onto it. Might do it in the future, when I've finally made it through my own lists.

Okay, I have to end this post for real now.

I'm still on tumblr, I still have my app. I deleted my discord app on my phone, but I'm still part of the servers I was before, I'm just not active. It's better for me that way right now, because it all got to be too much. I was just reminded of how much of a failure I feel like (no, we're not getting into that not, store it away). But you can always contact me here. I'm lurking sometimes. I look forward to reading in a more leisurely pace and hopefully not feeling pressured to make the rec lists as I did before (even though just for the completionist in me I want to finish them for just this year, lol).

Okay. If you read this far---thank you, I adore you, I love you, you're nice, keep going 💜

[ca-suffit]

i'm often mad when loustat fan said Louis should have killed antoinette himself bc Lestat wanted just to be desir and confident. But it's not true. Lestat stay for decade with Antoinette and the point is it didn't matter if she lived or not because had Louis killed Antoinette, Lestat would picked another person. Louis understand it well and I'm tired of the fandom wanted Louis to always prove himself in whatever Lestat put up on him. Antoinette might be a white woman, I feel like her worst hater are white women... which is weird bc they are using her whitness as a way to hate her. I think they hate her bc she's a woman. Because Lestat's whitness and the fact he's a cis guy never bother his fandom. I can't take those view on Antoinette seriously. I agree she's not an interesting character, just Lestat's pawn. The only upsetting thing is Antoinette, as a white woman, had some agency. She had her own income, her reputation but she throw it away in favor of a man who never give a shit about her. Yes, I understand she was manipulated but it sting. If she didn't become a vampire, and just stay in relationship with Lestat, she would have turn like Serena Joy in the Handmaid's Tale (from the Book who was a soprano).

Antoinette is hard for parts of the fandom to come to terms with bcuz fandoms are mostly made up of white women. It hits closer to home for those characters to exist and be shitty rather than other characters that are more removed from how ppl personally identify.

I come and go seeing comments in all directions about Antoinette and it's bcuz she's a white woman who was complicit in antiblackness bcuz she expected to benefit from it herself in the end. She didn't and it called attention to why she didn't and made ppl reflect on that and feel uncomfortable. It is meant to be a sad story but also reflective and critical of how white women often move in the world.

Louis never could have killed her bcuz he knew that's what Lestat wanted and it was one of the ways he retained any semblance of v mild control in the relationship. As u wrote, Louis doesn't have access to the same protections as any of the white ppl around him, so he's learned how to survive otherwise using other means, even as a vampire. Lestat knows Antoinette upsets Louis and Claudia acts as his mouth piece on it multiple times (illustrating the burden that children often take on with dysfunctional parents, as well as the emotional labor often piled on black girls/women). Lestat keeps waiting for Louis to vocally tell him himself to kill her and he won't, bcuz he doesn't want to verbalize his feelings like that. He's protective of his emotions and feels he's been dismissed a lot on the few instances he's said things out loud to Lestat, so why keep telling him this hurts him when it's obvious?? Why react at all?? It's the only way he can protect his pride and also dig at Lestat's own insecurities at the same time. Lestat and other white characters are used to being loud and abrasive to get reactions, but that's not something the other characters who aren't white can v safely do in return, which is why it's a much rarer occurrence and typically followed by a great consequence to them.

[gratelove]

i had an idea for a stiles stilinski fanfic but i'm too lazy to write it and i love ur style the most so here it is

stiles has had a crush on you for a while but you didn't know so when isaac asked you out to somewhere like a theme park, you were ecstatic (he said you could bring others and it could be like a group thing)

and basically stiles helps you pick out an outfit and drives you there but he's in an awful mood bc he's jealous

and at the theme park as the night escalates it ends in him telling you his feelings? idk if that works but i had a dream abt it

It’s Always Been You

I hope this is what you were looking for! I hope you enjoy! Thank you for your ask! ❤️

You stood in front of the mirror, holding up two different shirts. One was a casual red tee, soft and well-worn, and the other was a black tank top that hugged your figure a little more than you were used to. Stiles sat on your bed, scrolling on his phone, but his eyes kept darting up to watch you, the crease between his brows deepening every time you glanced his way.

“I don’t know,” you said, tossing both shirts on the bed with a sigh. “I want to look nice, but not like I’m trying too hard, you know?”

Stiles glanced up, barely hiding the frown tugging at his lips. “Yeah. Totally.” He picked up the red tee and held it up, appraising it like it held all the answers. “This one. It’s… you.”

You tilted your head, studying his expression. “You think?”

He nodded, but his smile was tight, almost forced. “Yeah, it’s… comfortable. Plus, it looks good on you.”

You grinned, relieved. “Thanks, Stiles. I knew you’d help.”

You pulled on the shirt and grabbed your backpack, throwing in a few essentials before slipping on your shoes. Stiles was still quiet, his gaze glued to the floor. You brushed it off, figuring he was just tired or maybe stressed about something supernatural. It was Beacon Hills, after all.

The drive to the theme park was filled with music and chatter. You kept the conversation light, but every time you looked over at Stiles, he seemed… off. His hands gripped the steering wheel a little too tight, his jaw clenched as if he was holding back something.

“You okay?” you asked, adjusting your seatbelt as he took a turn.

He glanced at you, his expression softening for a moment before the tension returned. “Yeah, just… long day. You know how it is.”

You nodded, though it didn’t seem like the whole truth. You didn’t press him, not wanting to ruin the mood. Isaac had asked you to join him at the park, and though he’d invited others to make it less of a date and more of a group hangout, you’d been excited at the thought of spending time with him. Isaac was sweet, funny, and he always knew how to make you laugh. It was nice.

The night started well enough. You rode a few rides with Isaac, screamed your lungs out on the roller coasters, and devoured enough cotton candy to make your head spin. Stiles stuck close but kept his distance, his smiles strained and his comments laced with an edge that made you pause. He watched you and Isaac like a hawk, his eyes narrowing every time Isaac made you laugh or put his arm around you.

At one point, you caught him watching you from across the game booth where Isaac was trying (and failing) to win you a stuffed bear. The look in Stiles’ eyes was something you hadn’t seen before—a mix of sadness, frustration, and something else you couldn’t quite place. When he noticed you staring, he looked away, pretending to be engrossed in a nearby shooting game.

The night continued like this: little stolen glances, Stiles’ mood dipping lower, and your own confusion mounting. You could feel the tension simmering just below the surface, but you didn’t know how to fix it—or if you even could.

The rest of the night was a blur of lights, laughter, and a strange, growing tension between you and Stiles. Isaac was his usual charming self, winning you a small stuffed animal after several failed attempts at the shooting game. You tried to enjoy the moment, but every time you glanced at Stiles, he looked a little more distant, a little more lost.

As the night wound down, you all decided to ride the Ferris wheel, but Stiles opted out, mumbling something about feeling queasy. You watched from above as he stood alone, hands shoved deep in his pockets, staring off into the distance.

After the ride, Isaac offered to walk you to your car, but Stiles quickly interjected, saying he was heading the same way. You waved goodbye to Isaac and followed Stiles through the parking lot, his footsteps heavy and his silence deafening.

The drive home was awkward. Stiles kept his eyes fixed on the road, the usual chatter between you replaced by an uncomfortable quiet. The only sound was the low hum of the radio, playing some old rock song that Stiles usually sang along to but now barely seemed to hear.

You fidgeted with the hem of your shirt, stealing glances at him every few moments. The streetlights flickered past, casting shadows across his face, highlighting the tension in his clenched jaw.

“Are you still mad?” you asked finally, breaking the silence that had stretched too long.

Stiles’ grip on the wheel tightened, and he let out a long, frustrated sigh. “I’m not mad. I’m just—” He stopped himself, his words hanging in the air. “Never mind. It’s stupid.”

“It’s not stupid if it’s bothering you.” You leaned forward, trying to catch his gaze. “Talk to me, Stiles. Please.”

He pulled up in front of your house, turning off the engine but not making any move to get out. For a long moment, he just sat there, staring straight ahead, his fingers tapping an anxious rhythm on the steering wheel.

“Do you like him?” Stiles asked suddenly, his voice tight.

“Who? Isaac?” you replied, a little taken aback. “I mean, he’s kind, and charming, and funny.”

Stiles huffed, shaking his head. “That didn’t answer the question. It’s a simple yes or no.”

You narrowed your eyes at him, sensing something deeper beneath his frustration. Your own annoyance was growing at his attitude. “Why don’t you tell me why it matters so much? I asked you a question first. You answer it, and I’ll answer you.”

Stiles hesitated, his expression torn between anger and something softer, something vulnerable. His silence stretched out, and you could feel the weight of the unspoken words between you.

“You really want to know what’s bothering me?” he asked, turning to face you fully, his eyes filled with a mix of frustration and vulnerability.

You nodded, heart racing. “Yeah, I do.”

“It’s you,” he said, his voice cracking. “It’s seeing you with him tonight, laughing and having fun while I’m stuck on the sidelines, pretending like it doesn’t kill me to watch.”

You blinked, the weight of his words settling in. “Stiles…”

“No, just—let me finish,” he interrupted, his voice suddenly fierce. “I’ve been in love with you for longer than I can even remember, and I’ve been too scared to say anything because I didn’t want to ruin what we have. But tonight… I couldn’t take it anymore. Watching you with Isaac, seeing how happy you were with him… it hurt. A lot.”

Your heart ached as you listened, realizing just how deeply he’d been holding all of this in. All the small moments, the lingering touches, the way he was always there when you needed him—it all suddenly made sense.

“Stiles,” you whispered, reaching out to touch his arm. “I didn’t know. I’m sorry.”

He shook his head, his eyes closing briefly as he tried to hold back the emotions threatening to spill over. “I know. I didn’t want you to know. But I can’t keep pretending, not when it feels like I’m losing you.”

His confession hung heavy in the air, the raw honesty of his words leaving you breathless. You didn’t know what to say, but you knew one thing: this was Stiles, your Stiles, the boy who’d been by your side through everything, and you couldn’t bear the thought of losing him, too.

“Stiles,” you began softly, cupping his cheek with your hand. He leaned into your touch, eyes opening to meet yours, filled with a mix of fear and hope.

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” you asked gently.

“Because you deserve to be happy,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper. “And I didn’t want to be the one to ruin that for you.”

A small smile tugged at your lips as you brushed your thumb against his cheek, feeling the warmth of his skin. “You’re not ruining anything. I didn’t know… but I’m glad you told me.”

His eyes searched yours, that flicker of hope growing a little brighter. “You are?”

You nodded, your smile widening. “Yeah, I am. Because it’s you, Stiles. It’s always been you.”

The relief on his face was immediate, his shoulders sagging as if a weight had been lifted. Before you could think, Stiles closed the distance, his lips crashing against yours in a kiss that was everything—soft, urgent, and filled with all the unspoken words between you. You kissed him back without hesitation, your hands tangling in his hair, pulling him closer as if you’d been waiting for this moment just as long as he had.

When you finally pulled away, both of you breathless and smiling, Stiles rested his forehead against yours, his grin wide and genuine. “I’ve wanted to do that for a really long time.”

You laughed softly, your heart feeling lighter than it had in weeks. “Me too.”

And as you sat there in his jeep, wrapped in the warmth of each other’s presence, you knew that whatever came next, you’d figure it out together.

Because it was always going to be you and Stiles.

[thecranewivesrpf]

a platonic love letter/poem for that thing that you reblogged! Not my best work but oh well <333 (you can probably guess who it is but anon anyway bc why not)

I sit at my desk and I write, I write, I write. The words flow like a rushing stream, my soul pouring onto the page like spilled ink. Somewhere else, you write too. Do you think of me when you do? I know I think of you.

In another time we would be writing letters to eachother. Blood and tears and words splattered across paper. Fold up your heart and mail it across the world in the hopes someone will hold it.

There is something so romantic about the written word, why did we ever let it die? It chirps and flaps like a baby bird, hoping someone will lift it out of the dark so it can fly again. The parchment is folded up in the desk drawer now. Paper cuts exchanged for headaches as we stare into the harsh light of a screen.

In another time we are baking cookies. You flick the flour at me and I laugh. Messy counters and hands covered in dough. We burn the cookies and eat them anyway. Instead my kitchen is quiet, the murmur of my headphones the only sound. I wonder if you measure out the chocolate chips or just pour them it.

Switch to a new tab and the clock ticks over to another minute. It's getting late, but just one more minute, one more message. I like to pretend I know what I'm doing.

I asked an old woman what love is and she said that it's me, that's it's everyone. I think I know what she means. I hit post and wonder what you will think, is that love? Something happens and I want to share it with someone, is that love?

Love is in writing a story and thinking of someone the whole time, making references that no one else will get, giving a hug through a screen and hoping you will get to do it for real one day. Love is saying 'I have a friend and they live far away'.

There is a person inside my phone and I like to talk to them. I am a person inside someone else's phone who they talk to. There is a string that reaches across thousands of miles and ties our fingers together. The world is a criss-cross of connections and people lost and found, yet somehow in this beautiful, tangled mess we found eachother. And is that not love in itself? In another time we would be writing letters but instead I stare out the car window and hit post on my phone. At the end of the day my words my mean nothing but for now they mean everything.

For now they mean that I have a friend who lives far away and I love them.

goose ive reread this 7 times and cried harder every single time. you didn't have to do this and write a whole thing and here i am, im not crying you are

you have such an incredible, incredible way with words in the way they flow and metaphors and

this means so much to me it feels like im not doing it justice here, im both crying about it's contents and just how much love is poured into this. thank you. im glad I met you too, maybe somewhere in an alternate dimension we're baking cookies together and remembering that baking sugar exists, i hope we can meet someday.

you help me get through a lot of stuff too, i might not have anyone in class or anywhere i go who really likes me, but i can always come home and say hi to the silly friends in my phone. even if im too tired to talk ill still be there right by you in a way, and i think that's something

[tecchan]

Good evening to everyone except the person who decided to have Haru disappear from the home screen after finishing the game