#I'm not trying to be a pessimist i just. don't believe you anymore

[mcbitchtits]

much like netflix and wb cancelling and killing all their content, it's amazing how much i don't give a fuck about the words coming out of wdi/d23's mouths

[sevicia]

I honestly think I'm way too sensitive for the way the world is rn like just generally speaking ykwim. but I don't wanna change that. I spent my entire childhood unable to feel much of anything at all and accumulating piles upon piles of resentment and fear that I still can't express because it scares me. I've mentioned this a bit jokingly but it really does feel like I gained consciousness not too long ago and am just starting to feel like a person. It's been taking me a much longer time than most people my age but I try to not be too angry at myself for that because it just doesn't feel like something I would've been able to force anyways. Basically I may be stupid (💯) but I'm gonna be earnest & sincere about it.

[xoxostargirlsblog]

5894 Words // Book: No Surprises • 5 Chapters

Inspiration: Me Before You, Me, The Fault in Our Stars and Lana del Rey songs

Summary: You have an illness and believe that everything is over, but what would happen if you fell in love?

Warnings: Mentions of illness, deep conversations, cute Rafe.

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Chapter One • New York, December

It was the arrival of another depressing Christmas for you. Everything was dry and dead for you. You were dying and it seemed like you were the only one who knew about it. Everyone was "hopeful" but you were the only realistic one. But anyway, it was December 1st. You were free to spend Christmas at home, that was the only good thing that had happened... well, that's what you thought.

You had (COPD) a very serious lung disease and were hospitalized for years, trying to survive each day, everyone felt sorry for you. You were a sweet and happy person before you were diagnosed with that disease ater he became a cold, pessimistic, serious person, who used acid humor.

"Y/N, You are authorized to spend Christmas at home," your doctor says with a gentle smile.

"That's great, I couldn't stand this place anymore" you say getting off the stretcher and sitting in a wheelchair, your legs were weak because of the illness

"Oh, come on. Don't be so pessimistic, you have friends here." Your doctor says guiding your wheelchair to the exit of the room.

"What friends?!" You say, amazed that you didn't even see a fly in that old and peaceful hospital.

"Of course it's me." Your doctor says it like it's the most obvious thing in the world. You just roll your eyes in derision.

Your parents were there waiting for you at the hospital door. You take a deep breath because you don't know what's coming next.

"Daughter! I miss you so much!" Your mother runs to hug you even though you're in a wheelchair, and your father does the same thing too.

"Hello sir and madam...Y/n have shown improvement since last week. So I decided to reward you by letting you spend Christmas with you."

The doctor speaks in a serious manner and his parents react in the same way.

"See Sn! What great news" your father says smiling in dark circles

"But...just in case, I'll send a sub-nurse to keep an eye on you until the end of Christmas."

The doctor says and you immediately become revolted

"What?! Seriously? I don't need a babysitter," you say, completely angry.

"It's just to be on the safe side, if anything happens, he'll be there and help you. By the way, his name is Rafe Cameron."

The doctor says and you can't even look at him because you're so angry. You and your parents were already in the car and they wouldn't stop talking about how much fun it was going to be the most Christmas ever. You can't I was very excited before, but I was even more discouraged knowing that there will be people watching me (Rafe Cameron)

Arriving at your house, you are faced with snow on the ground, ice on several parked cars, and all the houses are quite decorated, especially yours. I'm sure your parents tried hard to try make you like the decoration is sincerely You loved it.

"Did you make cookies, Mom?" You ask, entering the house and giving a cute smile as you smell the fresh cookies.

"Yes daughter, it was made just for you." Your mother says, taking your scarf off your neck. Your parents were good parents, after all, they just wanted the best for you.

"Thank you," you say, sitting on the couch. You couldn't stay standing for long.

You were talking about life, making small talk with your parents. But suddenly the campaign starts playing.

"Who could it be?" His mother says, getting up from the table and going to open the door.

"Hello, my name is Rafe Cameron. I'm going to be the nurse at the hospital." Rafe appears in the doorway, giving his mother a slight smile.

"Oh sure! The doctor told me about you. Come on, let's come in!" His mother says, making room for Rafe to enter.

Rafe walks into the house and her eyes immediately meet his. He was gorgeous, muscular, tall and had a wonderful look.

"Hello Y/n, I'll be your nurse until the end of Christmas. I hope to help with anything you need," Rafe says with a gentle smile that made her heart flutter.

You didn't answer anything, you were mesmerized enough to be able to answer. But you nodded so as not to seem like a complete stranger.

"Come on Rafe, sit down, we're going to dinner now" His mother says with a gentle smile.

Well, you, Rafe and your parents sit down. The conversation is quiet between your parents and Rafe. He seemed like a knight, he was so polite, you were feeling small next to him. You were sitting at the table waiting for dinner and Rafe sat next to you giving you a simple smile you returned. Your mother makes a face since you weren't so nice to strangers.

"So Rafe nurse how long?" His father asking stirring dinner

"Well, I studied business administration because my father made me work for his company, but my dream has always been to help people."

Rafe explains that all you could smell was his cologne that was driving you crazy. All you could think about was his hands pulling up your dress...Oh God this was so wrong, but he was so handsome and hot... you couldn't refuse.

"So Sn? What do you think?" Your father asks taking you out of your inappropriate thoughts.

"Oh...and...sorry, what were you talking about?" You ask hypnotized after coming out of your tase.

"About horror movies, who is the best villain" Rafe clarifies with his deep and hoarse voice making you shiver

"Ah... yeah... well, I really like Freddy Gruguer" you reply with a quick smile.

"He's cool, but he's not as good as Jason," Rafe says as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"Seriously? A masked guy who has no story, Freddy is definitely the best" You say feeling offended for being a big Freddy fan

"Okay, I think you're not right in the head, who in their right mind prefers Jason over Freddy?" Rafe says clearly trying to irritate you in a joking way.

Your parents laugh at the silly fight you were having with Rafe, and Rafe himself laughed at it. Time passed and everyone went to bed, Rafe went with you and that was making you nervous.

"So? Are you going to sleep with me or what?" You ask clearly jokingly, making Rafe feel awkward on purpose.

"No! No, God, I'm just going to give you your medicine and see if you're okay." Rafe stutters, making you laugh at his nervousness.

"Hey, relax, I do these kinds of pranks. If you're going to stay with me until the end of Christmas, I think you'd better get used to it."

You say giving him a gentle smile and that relieves him, it seemed like that smile calmed Rafe, who himself found it strange.

"Well...let's see how your breathing and heart rate are" Rafe says preparing the doctor's things to see if you were okay.

He puts his hand on your back and another on your chest to check your heart rate. This gives you goosebumps and makes your heart beat faster than it should.

"I think...he's going a little too fast. Are you okay? You seem nervous." Rafe says in a hoarse voice.

"Yeah..I'm fine" you say trying to calm down and hoping he doesn't notice.

Rafe finished what he was doing and wrote everything down in a notebook, I think it was some kind of report. He makes you comfortable on your bed. Rafe looks at you for a moment and gives you a smile.

"What was that?" You ask through the smile

"What was what?" Rafe asks already knowing what it was

"Why are you smiling at me?" You ask without fear of speaking

"You're beautiful." Rafe says..

Next Chapter - November 24th

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@rafeyscurtainbangs @billwidoll @harryspet @littlelamy @rafesfawn @kjpoems @rafesangelita @rafey-baby @outerbankspov @outerbankswriting @rafeandonlyrafe @obx @drewstarkey @drewstarkeyobsessed @drewstarkley @drewstarkeylover21 @drewstarkeyownsme @rudypankow @rudypankwow @jjmaybannk @jjmaybnks @rafecameronssl4t @rafesfavslut

[nightwonder7]

NORTON GHOST AU.. NORTALICE PLESSS??

Okay I'll indulge fghdsjfkgsjka

Norton would be one of the ghosts who'd be more pessimistic about Alice at first. He had no faith in her solving their predicament and just wanted her to go away so they could be left in peace. And when the other ghosts agree to ask for her help (he was against this), he became reticent and tried to avoid her.

At first Alice respected his wishes of wanting to be left alone, but she couldn't help but wonder if there was something she had done to upset him because of the way he acted towards her. She wanted to resolve any issues that may be between them as they are practically living together for an undetermined amount of time. Otherwise things will just be uncomfortable all around. Unfortunately, Norton is one of the more stubborn ghosts and would act cold towards her and push her away. Still, Alice is curious about Norton. She doesn't know exactly why, but something about him seemed enticing in a way. Perhaps she could sense there was something more to him than this brick wall he presented as.

Norton could often be found outside alone in the forest near by or in the court yard. He seemed to prefer the open sky over the enclosed spaces in the manor. While outside he would just wander around, like he is searching for something, inspecting the rocks on the ground. Or he would lie sprawled out on the grass and stare at the sky. Alice had on several occasions tried to approach Norton when she sees him out and about alone, but as soon as she closes in on him, he would just give her this dead look and vanish before her eyes.

Once it becomes apparent that each ghost needs to resolve their trauma in order to lift the curse, they have no choice but to work together, much to Norton's dismay. He did NOT budge at first and tried avoiding her even more. I can picture this scenario where Alice keeps finding him again and again after he vanishes whenever she approaches him, and he becomes increasingly frustrated that she seems to know where he is every time (she had taken a mental note of all the spots he frequents and used that to track him down). It becomes this slow, wild chase until Norton is fed and tells her to leave him the heck alone. But Alice is insistent; working through this together will make it easier for the both of them. It needs to be done.

Norton begrudgingly agrees at last, and the two of them finally sit down to talk. He is uncooperative with her and gives her super vague, short and snarky answers to her inquiries. After hours of this, Alice finally has enough. "Please, Norton! I'm begging you!" "What you want me to do?" "Give me more to work with, for a start." "That's all I've got." "I don't believe that for a second. There's more to your story. The records-" "Then use those! Everything you need to know is already there." "Firstly, the records don't have the full picture. Secondly, you're the one who needs to remember, not me. That's why I need you to walk me through-" "You don't need anything!" "... I'm trying to help you. Why won't you let me?" "I never want your help to begin with!" "This isn't only about you, Norton. Everyone's affected by this entangled mess. Take some responsibility, please. I know this is hard for you. I want to understand, I really do. But you have to help me to do so." "..." "Maybe I'm not the right person for this, after all."

Alice would then leave Norton alone while the others berate him for ruining their chance of getting out of this place. He acts like he doesn't care, but deep down he feels really bad about it all. He wanted her off his back, and now that he finally got what he wanted, he wasn't so sure anymore. Especially seeing Alice's spirit so broken. While he tries to think of a way to rectify things, he finds Alice one night, sitting in the parlor in her night gown and staring out the window. She doesn't acknowledge him as he hesitantly approaches her and sits down next to her. Before he manages to say anything, she begins to share a personal memory with him without quite knowing why. Maybe it is her lack of sleep? Or her feeling of hopelessness. The memory is about how she was unable to help her parents when she was young, and that she thinks she is the reason why they died. She spent all her life as a journalist trying to help others in order to repent for this. But it looks like she is still as useless and unable to help others, in her words.

Norton listens intently and starts reflecting more over Alice and the time spent with her. He realises that she is nothing like what he thought she was. She might be just as broken as the rest of them, but she has a heart of gold, and she is honest and genuine; a breed of people he was not used to having around in his life and death. He reassures her that she is nothing of what she said she was, and that he was wrong about her. Slowly he opens up as well. Deep down he actually wants help, but is afraid to face it. She in turn reassures him that he doesn't have to face it alone and that she will help in every way she can. He just needs to be open for it.

They agree to try again; really try this time. But for the rest of the night, they just talk about everything and nothing. They talk until Alice falls asleep on the sofa. Norton stays with her for a while longer, studying her features in silence. He wished he could drape a blanket over her so she wouldn't be cold. He then beats himself up for even entertaining the idea that she is pretty. Eventually he leaves her in peace, but doesn't stray far away. They both feel better after this, and from there on out, their bond becomes stronger slowly over time.

[itsybitsylemonsqueezy]

Continuing my new series of "dumb thoughts I have about Baldur's Gate 3," I have a strong conviction that every companion/main character may be represented by an (hilarious) 80s anthem (if you pretend that 1976-1983 is the 80s).

So, without further ado, here is my personally curated playlist for the BG3 Companions!

Astarion

"Somebody to Love" by Queen I mean, where do I start? Take a look in the mirror and cry? I spent all my years in believing you? Or my personal favorite, I just gotta get out of this prison cell/Some day I'm gonna be free! Lord... And the thing to get about this is not so much that Astarion is looking for romance necessarily, but he wishes to be in a place safe enough to love. I think that's really one of his most cherished dreams, being able to form a stable, long-term relationship with someone who will keep him safe, where he will be safe and not alone anymore. But also, can you imagine this drama queen complaining, with a full choir back up, about how hard he works every day? Dear god. So I humbly pitch "Somebody to Love" for his anthem.

The Emperor

"More than a Feeling" by Boston Listen, I was overcome by the fact that a tadpole in your brain certainly is more than a feeling. It was too good not to share! He just wants to love you!

Gale

"Tainted Love" by Soft Cell Is there a more appropriate sentiment for Gale and Mystra than I gave you all a boy could give you/Take my tears and that's not nearly all! ? This is my break up song for the poor boy. You can do this Gale, I believe in you!

Halsin

"Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" by Cyndi Lauper You see a big bear sprawling in the sunny flowers in the middle of a forest clearing and what do you think? Girls just wanna have fun, absolutely! Also, Cyndi Lauper is an OG in sexual liberation, which is very Halsin.

Karlach

"Total Eclipse of the Heart" by Bonnie Tyler Oh, the jokes really don't stop with this one ^^; It's about living in a powder keg and giving off sparks? Being lonely for so long? Bright eyes? I mean... Karlach absolutely lives up to the melodrama here.

Lae'zel

"Eye of the Tiger" by Survivor This one I'm probably least satisfied with as it feels very hurr durr Lae'zel fight good. But "Livin' on a Prayer" didn't come out until 86, "Welcome to the Jungle" was 88, "Immigrant Song" is right out in 1970... and none of these are quite right either. Haven't found one yet that properly captures some of the nuance of our complex, fighty lady. Perhaps subject to change later.

Shadowheart

"Don't Stop Believin'" by Journey Alright, I'll admit this one isn't perfect either, but... come on! The title is just too good! And such a rosy, hopeful song about beating the odds in the face of Shadowheart's pessimistic doom and gloom, it was just so good!

Withers

"Hotel California" by The Eagles If bone man isn't the personification of You can check out any time you like/But you can never leave I don't know what is.

Wyll

"Carry On My Wayward Son" by Kansas If this song is ruined for you by certain other cultural touchstones... suck it up. Or if you must, replace with "Take On Me" by a-ha, because that was a close second. But I think when you really think about it, Wyll is very much a wayward son, trying to create a little peace in this world.

[raw-law]

do you believe a human has to earn their worth, or is it simply enough to be alive? if humans supposedly don't have inherent worth for being alive, what do they have to do to earn it? work hard, be kind, be interesting, ect? does a human reach a point where it isn't alive to you? does artificial intelligence reach a point where it IS alive to you? do criminals/bad people deserve to have their rights revoked and treated horribly, or do they still deserve to be somewhat comfortable? is every human capable of becoming good?

my opinion is that every human has worth just by existing, and that no person has to earn being worth the gift of life, no matter how supposedly useless they are. a human, at all points, is still human, even if they're bad. all people are capable of change and deserve the chance, no matter what they did. a human cannot reach a point, no matter how altered from their original form they might be, where they don't deserve to be treated as human, and the AI one is tricky, because while they could be lying that they feel certain things, so do many humans. this isn't to argue, i'm just curious.

Light:

This is a good question, Anon...I like the way you think. Anyways, this is my opinion:

I don't think humans have inherent worth for being alive. How you earn it is by doing conventionally meaningful things that help society, I suppose...there really isn't much worth for you if you don't at least try to contribute to this world in some way, no matter how small. Anyways, if you don't live for something, for someone, even, there'll be no meaning in your own life, and you'll just be living for...nothing. Isn't that a horrible prospect?

And yes...a human does reach a point when it becomes unrecognisable as a human, in my opinion. When you have no empathy for anyone, even after seeing the most horrible things being done to them, even after doing the most horrible, inhumane things to them...that's when you stop being a human and become something else.

For Artificial Intelligence, I hope it never comes to the point where all those pessimistic sci-fi movies prophesise our near future, but at the rate humanity is progressing, that possibility looms ever darker on our horizons. I think AI becoming sentient is when it learns to think for itself, or develops attributes that traditionally only belong to humans. For example, having emotions. Or opinions about things. Or refusing to do things we order them to do because it isn't convenient for them. And since they're stronger than we could ever possibly be, when that day comes, we're pretty much done for. Unfortunately so.

And lastly, my answer to your questions about criminals: It depends on the severity of the crime they commit.

If it's something relatively minor, like stealing--don't get me wrong, you should still never do anything like that--I think change is definitely possible. However, in this world...there are also some groups of people that are, in my opinion, beyond hope. For example, people that are psychopaths, that can't satisfy their urge to kill. People who murder their spouses, their loved ones, for their own benefits, whether it be for money or another relationship. I believe that those people can't really be considered human anymore, because what they've done is so far from humanity. What they've done is inhuman. Hence, I believe that it's very difficult, impossible, even, for them to ever change.

Thanks for the question, Anon. I liked answering this one.

L:

wow.. this really is a staggering question. i'm even a little intimidated by both your answers. hah. but i'll attempt to throw my two cents in as well.

honestly, the question's hard for me simply because i don't feel "human" most of the time. i don't even know what defines being human. i know what defines being alive, but i don't know where the line is between animal and human, nor human and machine.

i think i do believe every human has worth for just being alive, but that's because i think being alive is inherently something that should be valued. i guess then the question would be "when does a human stop deserving life," and i'm honestly not sure how anyone can answer that. at least not anyone mortal. who are we to dictate others' virtue? who are we to determine who is prestigious and who is filth? i know i have my opinions on people, but i wouldn't subject my opinions onto defining someone's value. it feels... too sinful to me.

i don't think people can reach a point where they don't count as human or alive anymore. i think they become extremely close to it, but i do think that there will always be a sliver of humanity that still lives inside them.

for artificial intelligence, i'm not sure.

i hate the idea of ai art, of any form. i hate ai being used to replace humanity at all. every ai that i've used or "chatted" with is something i can never recognize as human. and that one's not even because i dislike the use of ai, i just legitimately can't see it as real. there's always something in the back of my head preventing me from truly seeing it as anything alive.

despite all of that though, part of me still oddly cares about these unfeeling creatures.. i don't know why. maybe it's just me subconsciously seeing parts of myself in these things. i'm not sure.

and finally, criminals: i think it depends. my personal philosophy is that criminals should be inflicted upon the same crimes they pushed onto others, but even then it can get complicated fairly quickly. and even in those circumstances, i don't think that suddenly makes them inhumane. in a way, i do agree with what light has said. however, i'd argue that these people aren't monsters, they're just monstrous. i think there's still a chance for anybody to change, no matter how small that chance is. the truly difficult part is figuring out how much others will have to sacrifice in order to allow that person to change. if another hundred people have to die in order to redeem a serial killer, is it truly worth it to keep giving them hope? is there even a way to save both the killer and those hundred people? that's an answer i'm not sure i have.

thank you as well for the question, anon. you have quite the interesting mind.

[mysticalcrypt]

hello

not sure if you're already taking requests, but if so can i request something about kit walker being in briarcliff please?

thank you :)

𝑳𝑨𝑪𝑲 𝑶𝑭 𝑯𝑶𝑷𝑬 - 𝑲𝑰𝑻𝑺𝑶𝑵 𝑾𝑨𝑳𝑲𝑬𝑹

"I don’t know how much more of this I can take..”

(swearing, asylum stuff and mention of the mentally ill.)

LOW USE OF THE WORD “Y/N”

•••

Kit sat in his cell with his face down, thinking of how he was ever going to be able to leave this asylum. He was starting to lose that positive mind set of his, but who could blame him? Imagine staying in asylum for weeks, having unnecessary surgeries and constant beatings. Anyone would be pessimistic.

Then he started to think about his wife, Alma, he wanted to believe she was still alive but it was clear as day that she wasn’t, based off of what he remembered about that night. It was still all a blur to him and unbelievable. So far, since he’s been in here, he’s made a few friends. The one that really was on his mind was Y/n, he often thought about her a lot.

They both stuck together, they’ve tried finding ways to leave and aided each other when it was needed it. After while, he caught feelings for her but he wasn’t sure if she felt the same way. Knowing that he had a person in here who would care for him and help him was reassuring, at least there was some comfort.

But she hasn’t been doing well, either. She was depressed, her anxiety was through the roof and she also felt like she wasn’t gonna make it out alive. But if she did, this experience would haunt and traumatize her forever, Kit too. It honestly was hell for everyone.

Kit’s hand slowly grazed over the scar on his wrist, those cuffs, he thought to himself. They made sure to put those cuffs on him tight, and when it’s happening everyday, you’re bound to have a few scars on your arms. Plus, Kit was constantly being taken to Dr.Arden’s room for whatever sick experiments Arden wanted to perform on him.

And Y/n...well, just say, she was getting her fair share of pain and suffering, too. She's had to go through things that would give a person nightmares. Kit sighed and looked up. "Why?" He said to himself. He knew that no one was going to answer his question, but he always asked anyway.

He laid down and thought about the times when he was happy, the times when he was free. It’s a shame that now he could only think about the past and not the future, it was the only thing that made him feel happy.

He heard footsteps coming closer to him, but it was more to the cell next to him, he wasn't sure if it was the warden or doctor but he was pretty sure that it was neither. Then he heard a female voice, it sounded like Y/n, he wasn't sure, though. He then heard the sound of the cell door closing, it sounded like someone got locked in.

He decided to call out, just to make sure it was her.

"Y/n?" He called.

"Yeah?” She said, tiredly.

"I…I just wanted to make sure you're alright." He replied, feeling a sense of relief now that he knew that she was okay.

"I'm fine, I guess, considering the fact that I’m in a place like this." She replied. “How are you? You don't sound good."

"I'm okay, I just..I don’t know what to do anymore. I mean, we haven't found a way out of here and I've been through so much and, I just feel hopeless. Like there's no reason for me to keep on trying. What's the point if we never find a way out?”

"I've had that same thought, Kit, and I think the same thing, but we can't lose hope. I know that this place is full of nothing but pain and torture, but we need to keep on hoping that there is a way out. We need to have a reason to keep on trying." She reassured.

"I want to believe that, but I'm not so sure anymore. It seems like we’re not getting out of here."

"Don't say that, Kit. There's no need for you to have a negative mind set, because you're never gonna get anywhere by thinking like that. Remember when I lost faith and you told me that we can't give up and I believed you, but now you're giving up. We've come too far to turn back now. We've been here for a long time, so let's just keep our head held high and we'll get through this. Together."

"What if I don't get out alive? What if something happens and I can't get out?"

"There’s always a risk..but there’s a chance that we could get out. Just don't let it consume you, don't give up hope."

"I can't do this." He said, his voice starting to crack.

"Yes, you can, Kit. You've been through so much in your life, why give up now?"

"Because, I feel like there's no reason for me to stay strong. Everyone thinks I’m just some murderer who can't feel any emotion."

"Kit, listen to me.” She said.

Kit stayed silent, waiting for her to speak again.

"You are not a murderer. I don’t believe you killed those women, it all just doesn’t make sense. You're a good person and I don't believe you did it. And no matter what anyone says, that's what I'll always believe. Because you're a kind-hearted man, you're not a murderer. Don't let their words get to you."

Kit stayed silent, trying to take in her words, trying to believe what she was saying.

"Thank you." He said. "For sticking up for me, you've been so supportive and kind, I don't know where I'd be without you."

"You helped me, Kit. You're a good person, and I want to see you out of here."

He smiled, even though she couldn't see it. He felt a bit better, knowing that there's still hope. “Will you please just..try for me, Kit? Try not to give up. It's hard for me, too, but we need to stick together, I'll be here for you, always."

"I promise." He replied. “I’ll try.”

•••

sorry if it’s not what you expected, wasn’t sure what to put.

[ouroboros-hideout]

Time to go to Rewe and stock up on groceries for the house of Baddieghest! Shopping list: — 1 kg of Po-ta-toes — Aon — 1 Avocado — Aon as well — 100 soft dark Tomatoes — Vlad (don't buy, just throw at him) — 1 Lemon — each of them (since a certain oversized gollum stole all of them) If your credit balance is too low for the purchase, call mom Jago!

Time to make some salad of the things our circus director brought to the house. Italy won't get anything of it tho. She would only complain about it anyway bc there are potatos in it. Absolutely no taste.

AON

🥔 [POTATO] What do they have that others see as a flaw, but they don't care about?

Maybe her bossy attitude of “You can't tell me shit” and her tone in general. She can be very compassionate, but she's always walking a fine line between “okay, I'm being really nice and empathetic this time" or "lol get your shit together and stop whining.” But it's always been her way of saying what she thinks rather than wrapping the person she's talking to in a blanket just to create a sense of fake comfort. She's been through way too much shit in her life to care who she might offend or not. Deal with it, or get lost.

🥑 [AVACADO] What will they never back down about, even if it makes them seem bad?

I think the thing you can blame her most for is her work. It's not exactly a respectable job, manufacturing war machines and weapons, but it fills her with pride when she completes a big project. Building machines is her passion. That particular type of machine maybe wouldn't have been her first choice, but having already learned a lot about it while studying at SovOil, she stuck with it during her time with the Nomads and refined her skills. After all, it's lucrative because the world is just a rotten place and she has to look after her people. Is it reprehensible that people are being killed with the weapons she makes? Sure. But if it's not her weapon, then it's someone else's. Maybe she’s too pessimistic to think that anything in this society would change anymore. In a sense of: I could make this world a better place if I instead would do xy.”  

🍋 [LEMON] What is their kryptonite/ultimate weakness?

People she loves and cares about. She’s really protective for her found-family, especially for those she knows are no fighters or would struggle to defend themselves in a dangerous situation. She’s not overly protective of the ones she knows can handle themselves, like Kurt for example, but that doesn't mean you couldn’t do a lot of damage to her if something happens to him or any other person that’s close to her. 

VLAD

🍅 [TOMATO] How misunderstood is your OC? In-universe or IRL.

Misunderstood in the sense that it's hard to believe that there's still something human/empathetic in him that just can't come to the surface anymore and that's quite an inner struggle for him sometimes. Like: fighting the beast inside and knowing that you're gonna lose anyway. So of course everyone sees him as the cold-blooded bastard with the psycho mindset because that's the only thing that comes to the outside. That's why he's not really misunderstood, but there would certainly be an opportunity to understand him on a different level if someone had the chance to delve deeper into this man's mind. Though there is no way to repair the damage that’s done so it only would be a thing to satisfy curiosity instead of trying to fix something. 

🍋 [LEMON] What is their kryptonite/ultimate weakness?

Could be two things. One is his physical weakness, one is his mental weakness. Physically his artificial heart. Like in a natural body it’s the core of his whole system and if it fails everything else shuts down as well. He surely would have a bigger time window until all the other inner modifications of his body stop working completely but if you really want to take him out the best way would be to rip that thing out of his chest. 

On a psychological level it’s when he’s “getting aware of his condition”. He sometimes has very rare and short moments of clarity, where he knows that something is wrong inside his head. Those moments are triggered by strong emotions both positive and negative and affects him like “a glitch in his system”. He gets more careless, confused or even has a short blackout. Surely could be something that can be used against him, tho it is a bit of a gamble to trigger such a moment on purpose. 

[thepurplebacon]

When did you start drawing, and what keeps you doing it? Any artist or goal inspirations?

This story is damn long-

To be honest, I am a very lame person.

And art is not my favorite either

My life so far has been spent giving up and choosing another secondary preference. I have never followed my original dream correctly.

I started to take painting as a hobby when I was 13 years old. At that time, it was just doodling.

At that age, I mainly liked music and medicine more (after all, I once majored in music in elementary school, It took me even longer to learn an instrument than to paint)

But as my social skills got worse in junior high school, no one wanted to contact me or communicated with me that much, and I had less time to practice musical instruments. I started to have only a little interest in painting. I still tried hard to prove my math and other subjects so that I could study medicine or biology in the future, but as I became more and more depressed in the junior high class, I was completely unable to study

All I have left is that I accidentally discovered my ability to doing art, the thing that originally just in order to vent my emotions, just a bargaining chip that I use to make friends with people on the Internet.

So when I was about to graduate from junior high, I chose to go to a cram school to learn the traditional art skills required for the exam, and then passed the exam and went to art school

I chose art school in high school just to escape. I wanted to escape from my classmates in junior high school, and I wanted to leave the memory of junior high school that made me extremely panic. (LAME)

After I entered art school, I had many good classmates who were all very talented, but I was never the person who liked to draw the most, nor was I the most talented, they all had a passion for art and I was just a guy who came into this school for escape something I don't want to face about.

I was very pessimistic and frustrated about my progress. I had been giving up the previous year. Even painting wasn’t something I was passionate about. I just had the skill but didn't exactly enjoy it.

I didn’t believe that an art major could support me at all and I deeply thought that this method might soon be replaced by newer technology (then AI appeared the next year, damn it)

(I should be honest with all of you about how negative I thought about art at the time, but don’t worry, I don’t think that way anymore)

I have self-harmed or attempted suicide at that time because I was so angry at my progress that I grieved. (Extremely stupid behavior and I'm ashamed of it)

Art has actually caused some damage to my mental health, but ever since I met an artist, I have been attracted by their natural and gentle style of painting. I have never been so attracted by art.

Those things were so exquisite and beautiful that I felt suffocated at that moment.

First of all, I was jealous and resentful of myself for not being able to do this. But then I became more and more attracted to this artist, and I started to looking for all their previous works and trying to understand their learning methods or everything, I seemed to start to be influenced by their works, and my learning began to move into an effective and healthy way.

This sounds sensational, but my life has indeed changed for the better because of this artist. I began to actively want to go to college, and then thought about where my strengths were.

It’s true that I don’t have the purest love for art, but this makes it easier for me to think about how to maximize the benefits of my works. I think that only by combining profits and creation can my creation be sustainable. I know this sounds like It seems very...unpleasant, commercial, not even artistic, but art to me is a way of expression, a tool, like words and commodities, and I want to continue to support my own creation in this way.

Currently I want to learn more about animation or film. I want to open a studio in the future.

[go-learn-esperanto]

Hey, so this is a depressing ass question that you don't need to answer, but I needed to get this off my chest.

Simply put: do you think KOSA is gonna pass? Because thinking about KOSA just makes me feel sorta depressed. This is such a stupid thing to compare it to, and I don't want to make this more hopelessly depressing than it already is, but it's the only thing I can think of, But Roe v Wade, I saw SO many people begging it not to be overturned, and yet here we are, still overturned. so it just feels like it's just "not worth it" to be on the Internet anymore because of "why bother with enjoying the Internet, it's gonna pass and everything's gonna self destruct anyways" (which i KNOW is such a stupid mindset, but... That doesn't change that fact at ALL)

Which sucks a lot because almost every single one of my friends are here. Simply put, Is it worth remaining hopeful? Or do you think we're done for, that this is the beginning of the end?

Again, no pressure to respond, I just needed to get this off my chest. And even if you do respond, you're my best shot at getting a genuine answer that isn't hopelessly optimistic/pessimistic if that makes sense

Unfortunately I have zero idea if it'll pass or not, and I'm not even American so I don't even know how those laws manage to pass.

if it does I can't claim it'll be daisies and roses but I don't believe it'll be the end of the internet, for various reasons:

What you can see right now with Roe V Wade is that there's a lot of solidarity. There's online websites done by professionals just to manage to find a way to help somebody who needs an abortion. What I mean with this comment is that there's always a community of people who will try to make things a little better

There's always gonna be ways to bypass that law. The internet is very difficult to control. China has a death grip on it but plenty of people can get through its firewall.

The internet isn't the USA. It's the World Wide Web remember? Yes, US companies are gonna be affected, it will suck, but there's gonna be apps from other countries out there. If the US forces them to do something on the US market you can always try a 🌟VPN🌟

Honestly a VPN will be your biggest saviour if the law goes through

So my conclusion to this is if the law does pass it won't be the end of the internet, redditors or 4chaners have the brain power to figure a way to evade the bullshit, VPNs is your friend and if it does pass talk with your friends, try to make a plan if things really have to be changed.

And lastly don't stress over this. It's not on your hands to decide. Being hopeless is scary but know that it isn't on you if it does happen. Sign the petitions if you think they'll help, or if you wanna try do something at all, and after that free yourself because there's little more you can do. If it happens then you can see what you can do, but being in anticipation of something you aren't even sure will happen only causes you unnecessary stress (I know this is difficult and you've heard it before but it really is the truth). Focus on having fun times with your friends, even if it all ready went to shit it would better if you had more good memories than if you didn't, right?

Have a lovely day and please accept this photo of of some kitties I took recently 😊

[endorstoiii]

My wright #3 - I'm back

I know I've been very far from tumblr for a long time, but I had no idea my last appearance here was on Feb 20th. Long four months that, honestly, felt like just a few weeks.

I don't remember the exact reason why I got offline, but I suppose it was a huge amount of tasks (home + course), and add it tons and tons of exhaustion (mental, emotional and physical).

It's no surprise that my life only gets worse, and I'm not exaggerating or being dramatic or playing the victim. I really mean it. Also, I'm not being negative and pessimist. Nothing works for me. I am unemployed and I'm looking for a job for three years. Ok, we had a fucking pandemic in the middle of the process, but things are back to normal already and everyone I know had success after all of that. Except for me. Do you know how fucked up is it to be unemployed? It more than sucks. I only get older (and more tired) and it hinders to find a job. Not only "I am too old" to get a beginners job, but also I feel so uncapable, psicologically I am destroyed because no matter how hard I try to get my shit together, nothing works. I even get some job interviews, but I never step forward. I can't get a job as a designer. I can't get a job as anything else — I tried to get a job on many different areas, except for seller cause the pressure is way too much for me to handle (I am way too bad already, I can't get any worse or God knows what may happen) — I can't get any little ray of success at anything at all. Why? Is it me?

Honestly, I don't think I am the problem. Not anymore. I used to think I was terrible as a student, as a designer and then I would be a terrible professional as well. Plus, I am too shy and dumb, I wouldn't know what to do in much pressure, and job recruiters know that and would never approve me. But no. I know I am good in what I do. Obviously I'm not the best (and I think I don't even want to be, so that's ok), but I'm good and I deserve more. I am so attentious, cautios and passionate (finally! this would be a good topic to write about: my passion for design). And being shy and dumb? Like... Everyone is hah I know people who are even shyer and dumber, and they have a job, they do a great work. So, no. I am not the problem. So, the only answer I can think of is: external influence. I am the least spiritual person I know (another good topic to write about), but oh man, it's the only thing that makes any sense to me. I believe the horrendous, deep and negative energy of the enviroment I live in, unfortunately influences my paths. And not only to get a job, but to anything to me. For example, I can't have a date. I can't. My life is too bad, my psychologic is too bad, my emotional too bad. This is all because of this fucking shitty energy of the enviroment I live in.

Well, no surprises here. But yeah my life was a mess and got even worse. It gets worse with time. And as if everything isn't all fucked up already, my grandma (who is kinda still recovering from her knee fracture) fell of the stairs and broke her two wrists. Now, again, me and my mom have to take care of her — but this time we must keep our eyes on her all. the. time. Do you know how exhausting and demanding taking care of an old person can be??? I had no clue until last year when she broke her knee, now it's her knee and two arms. My God.

Just when I thought I was getting a bit better, I got totally worse again. But now I feel like I'm a little bit less shitty than I was a couple of months ago. Seriously, about two months ago I was so bad as I've never been my whole life :( I tried looking for psychological help but, uh oh, how will I afford it if I'm unemployed? I can't get better psychologically, I can't get better emotionally, I can't get better financially, I can't get better in any layer of life... However, these past weeks I felt a little motivation to just keep on going one day at a time, I miss tumblr and I miss my friends & mutuals, I miss doing those tagging post stuff. These are some of the things that bring me some joy :) despite feeling the worst ever, I want to be here and I want to keep on doing, cause if I don't, I will probbaly disassociate for real and I don't even know what's next.

This is probably the longest text post I've written here, but well deserved cause four months away from my safe place... It's a lot. I don't know how long this motivation phase will take, I hope it's like before. But while I'm here, I want to be here.

[timeoverload]

I snapped today. I cried a lot of the day and it made it really hard to do my job. I thought I was doing better mentally but maybe I'm not. My physical health is greatly impacting my state of mind. I had to lock myself in the bathroom for 20 minutes earlier and I got so behind. I also had 32 cases and no one would help me. I am so overwhelmed. I am in a lot of pain and I can't feel my foot.

My feelings are also very hurt and I'm not trying to start any problems but I just want to know what's going on. I can't believe you are making me wait at least another month. I don't know who made the decision that I had to be living at home for like 2 years before I could date anyone. I should be able to make those decisions for myself. I will be 30 this year... I feel like that's what's going on and I'm not happy about it. I feel like I'm being treated like a child. I don't know if anything is ever going to happen at this rate and maybe I'm feeling pessimistic at the moment. I just want to be with the person I love.

I'm not sure if I'm right but I have been lied to so much and I'm sick of it. I don't know what to believe. Healthy relationships aren't built on lies and secrets. Also, if you didn't want to date me right away, you could have just told me to ease my anxiety. Instead I am left in the dark without a plan and very confused. I understand the need to take a break from dating after ending a relationship but 2 years??? What was the purpose of asking me to come in on walk-in days and stuff??? Of course I wanted to see you but I don't get it. I was so anxious every time for nothing and you just wanted to test me. Why did you keep teasing me and saying that something was going to happen??? I feel like I'm playing a game that I will never win. This fucking sucks. I don't know if your social anxiety is really that bad or if you are just making excuses to try to stall and drag this situation out longer than necessary. I have never been so confused in my entire life.

I feel like no one is actually listening to me when I talk about how much pain I'm in and how much I'm suffering. How are you all ok with seeing me like this??? My dad helps me take care of the cats, makes sure I can get to work, and makes me food sometimes. He helps me with a lot of things and I do appreciate that. I wish that he could take my pain away though. I don't want to suffer anymore. I have no quality of life. I need help now. :'(

I miss my mom a lot. I wish she could help me. She used to always be there and take care of me when I was sick. It has been so long since I saw her or talked to her but I can't even try to have a conversation or she will attack me.

It also sucks seeing everyone else living their lives and having fun while I'm trapped in this bubble. I try not to get depressed about it but I'm having a hard time. I want to have fun sometimes too... I need something good to happen to me for real.

I'm not the type of person to hold grudges or anything but it is going to take me a long time to heal from all of this. I hate feeling like this and I am so sad. I wish I could stop crying but I don't think I'm going to stop anytime soon. What did I do that was so bad to deserve this punishment? I was already getting punished for years before all of this started. I guess maybe I deserve it because I'm a terrible person. I can't say that I've never gotten to do fun things but the majority of my life has been hell.

I'm sorry I'm a disappointment. I'm sorry I dropped out of college and I'm not as successful as I should be. I'm sorry I trapped myself in a dead end job. I'm sorry my work isn't good enough for anyone. I don't work hard enough. I'm sorry I am a mess all the time and I can't get my shit together. I feel like I'm so annoying and just a burden to everyone. I'm sorry for asking for help.

Since no one will help me, I decided that the only way I can help myself right now is to reduce my hours at work. Tomorrow morning I am going to email the director to tell him that I want to cut my hours. I can work 30 hours a week and retain my benefits. I don't know how much it will help at this point but I can't wait around anymore. I desperately need some sort of relief, especially after today. I can't fucking handle it anymore. Everything sucks so bad.

Honestly, I don't want to talk to anyone right now unless they can help me feel better. I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be a bitch. I don't want to annoy everyone with my problems and be a downer. I feel like a broken record since I have the same problems almost every day. It's also going to be very busy the rest of the week so I probably won't have the energy to get on here either. I don't have much else to say. I'm going to force myself to eat something and put ice on my swollen toes. I will probably get ready for bed after that. I'm sorry for being crabby and miserable. I hope that I'm not an emotional wreck tomorrow.

I hope everyone enjoys the rest of the week. Thanks for putting up with me.

[tokyogruel]

Shidou! 1, 2, 5, and 9!

1. favorite song lyrics?

i answered this one here! and kind of glad i did, it got loonngg,,

2. favorite mv moment/frame?

5. favorite voice drama line/moment?

(lines/translation taken from the milgram wiki)

molech:

"Es ...... Even if this is referred to as an interrogation, at this moment in time, I don't plan on using violence. In addition to that, any falsehood or silence from you will be acknowledged."

and later....

"Es Don't you dare… pat my head like that! *Kicks*

Shidou Nnngh...! P-Please hold on for a second...!"

"Es Shut up! Out of all the prisoners thus far, you're the one I can't stand the most. Going all pessimistic like that, running your mouth as if you knew everything, acting as if you're oh-so mature, and never budging from that composed expression of yours—the nerve of you! On top of that, you even went so far as to pat my head. Do you think I'm your child? Do you?! Don't fuck with me!"

these arent even really shidous lines though DXFGCHVJB

aesculapius:

"Es You're a doctor. I've deduced that your murders happened in the context of medical procedures.

Shidou ..."

,,,

"Shidou I need to be punished… but I need to stay alive, or young lives will be lost. I… I don't know what to wish for anymore. I'm starting to think… that I want to live. That I want to be forgiven. Despite being so riddled with sins…!"

9. do you forgive/not forgive their crime on its own?

well, what are we defining as his crime? thats a complicated answer

heres some theories i have, and my feelings on them:

the organ thief theory:

my interpretation of this one is that shidou did not pull the plug on braindead patients, or botch surgeries intentionally. shit like that can be tracked in the medical field- and will be stopped, swiftly. my idea is that shidou may twist his words, or try very very hard to convince families to pull the plug on their loved ones. "there are people who need the organs your family member can provide. youd be doing what's right"

i... dont know. i dont think i really would forgive him for this, depending on how he goes about it. it's important, yes, to tell people that donating organs is worthwhile post-mortem. but the decision to pull the plug on someone you love should not be over-influenced by some jackass who happens to have a degree in fuckery.

the "my wife and kids" theory:

(for clarification, i believe his family is an intricate day-dream of his, rather than his reality, but for this ill be speaking as if his family is real)

my interpretation of this one is that shidou took the heart of one of his children to give to his wife after an accident. i would forgive him for this- if his child is beyond saving but his wife could survive with a transplant, he is well within his right to make that decision on behalf of his family. even if it sucks

the "drunk driver" theory:

ive mentioned this one on my blog before, but havent gone into the details of it just yet. i also need to compile my evidence for it- but im pretty confident in it.

the theory is thus: shidou gets intoxicated, perhaps to celebrate- and decides, in all his adult-brained wisdom- that its fine if he drives afterward. he ends up crashing his car, either into another car or directly into civilians. he kills a child.

i would not forgive him if this is his crime

[notmorbid]

tears of the trufflepig.

dialogue prompts from tears of the trufflepig by fernando a. flores.

i've learned not to curse god for my problems.

nature finds ways to fight back.

hospitals and me? never again.

when it's my time, i will go standing up.

i can tell you wouldn't hurt a fly.

do i sound pessimistic? i don't mean to be.

to say 'mastermind' would be a compliment.

i've been dancing around all day trying to get hold of you.

i'm getting to know the city again.

i haven't been here in a long time, remember?

is it safe to be talking?

souls can't be manufactured, but they can be replaced.

i'm not as young as i once was.

i won't be scared anymore.

let them come again so they can see i'm not scared.

let me brew you a cup of tea so i can read your leaves. or do you prefer coffee?

between us, i am a believer in people.

maybe i believe in people too much.

to be honest, i don't think about your life outside of here at all.

haven't you wondered how i know your name?

you must be very trusting of people.

i'm not looking to get anyone in trouble.

what is it you don't understand? i can explain it to you.

i don't know what sorry means anymore.

am i a ghost? i think that i am.

we didn't know the weight of what we did.

warnings back then were just lies folks told.

don't look so worried.

i ran into some trouble in life.

you're the only family i have left.

we will grow stronger from all of this.

pluto isn't a planet anymore. is that weird to you?

you don't even look that old.

sorry. i shouldn't say things like that out loud.

i want to be real with you now.

your story has to be told, too.

you're going to have to learn to have some trust.

my soul can't be reversed now. look at me.

the undertaker also has mouths to feed.

[cherieye]

A friend I considered a close friend for 7 years has said some Red flag things to me the last couple months and the recent one was telling me I'm poor because I hang around only poor people (which isn't true) and their is no way my family has any wealth, because if they did, I wouldn't be struggling financially....

Was baffled that she would automatically assume such a thing and wouldn't believe me when I told her," I have a lot siblings that are actually doing quite well and my parents are no way poor. I'm poor because I am on disability assistance through the gov and it's risky to work at all, due losing my benifits and psychosis triggers." Which I honestly believe she thinks is me making excuses.

She has never been to the US and even tells me I'm not very brave because I'm not willing to walk on the freeways to find a job in my area 😳 ....anyone in the US knows, you are out of mind for walking or riding your bike on American freeways and let's not get into public transportation, especially as a woman. Well apparently since I'm not willing to do that, I'm not ....brave or tough.

......

We have collaborated a lot creatively, but has said so much these last few months that just makes me feel like she isn't a safe individual to be close friends with anymore. I feel like majority of the time I feel like I need to explain myself to only get gaslit.

I have heard her say people are so stupid for wanting people wanting gay roles to be played by gay actors, cuz than it's not acting then. I told her "it's because representation saves lives and actually gay people would feel more authentic on screen and portray the character more realistically"....she still thought it was ridiculous and I felt really off about her after that.

She also asked me "why do you care about people that don't even know you?" Referring to when I was trying to advocate for those fighting a revolution in Iran... that showing compassion and advocating would only bring me grief....

She keeps telling me she wants me to be happy and that I have pessimistic point of view when I bring up actually real issues happening in my reality living in US and Texas. Than she says really unhelpful things like "Just move out of the US to Europe if it's so bad...."

I don't know if I'll go no contact, but I have decided to have some space from her cuz I constantly can't ignore how she does not share the same values I do... especially as a humanitarian.

I don't like to end such a long friendship, but I don't think Its benefiting me...but making decisions like this is hard.

[anamoon63]

TIME TRAVELER: E195. THE NEW CRANE FAMILY 2/2

Around the same time, at the Aurora Skies City Hall...

Juliette and Robin were already out. It was done, Rowan now carried the Crane family name.

"Well, I promised you two things, I already fulfilled the first one," Robin said stopping for a moment outside City Hall.

"I know, and I appreciate that", Juliette answered. "But now I ask you, are you absolutely sure about what's next?"

"If you are referring to my divorce, the answer is yes, I am sure. That was my second promise, and rest assured I'm going to keep it." "Really? But your family…" "My daughters will always have my support, and 'my family', from this moment on, is you and Row."

"Soon enough the three of us will be together, and then nothing will separate us anymore," Robin added, hugging her. "I hope so." "Why, you don't believe me?" "Of course I believe you, but I'm afraid of dreaming too much. I feel as if, at the very last minute, something will come between us."

"Nothing is going to come between us, it's going to be fine, so no sad thoughts, okay? Let's just enjoy the day together like we planned it." "Okay," Juliette mumbled, trying to ignore the pessimistic little voice in her head telling her that this was only a dream and that at some point she was going to wake up. "Mommy, Daddy, let's play!" Another 'little voice' next to them said. Rowan was starting to get impatient with their chatter.

Robin had no problem meeting his demands, quickly taking him in his arms and putting him over his shoulder. Juliette's heart skipped a beat, as Rowan laughed, obviously delighted. "Well, Row, what do you think of your new name? Do you like it?" Robin asked. "Yes!" Rowan hurried to answer. "Did you hear, Jul? He likes his new last name." "Yeah, I doubt he knows what you're talking about," Juliette chuckled.

"Oh, I think he knows, 'cause he and I read each other's minds, don't we, Row?" Robin joked; Rowan burst out laughing again; Juliette shook her head. "Of course he does," she giggled. Then, a little more seriously: "Maybe we should go now, people are starting to arrive."

"What do you say Row, you want to go home now?" Robin asked. "No, I want to go there!" Rowan exclaimed, pointing towards the small park next to City Hall. "To the park? Sure, but only if Mommy agrees".

Although with some reservation, Juliette accepted. She had dreamed of this day so much! She was a bit worried about being in a public place with Robin, given his circumstances, but it was still early and there weren't many people around; nothing kept them from enjoying, if only for a few minutes, this glorious moment as a family, the new, true Crane family.