#I'm never eating the foods I ate today ever again

[heartshattering]

2:30 AM... this is gonna be a painsomnia night isn't it 🙃

[occamstfs]

Diet Diaries

Hi all! Thank you so much for 500 followers! Here's a little style switch up to celebrate, got a lotta refs in this one and I quite leaned into the diary entries so I hope it's not too much! Hope y'all enjoy this stereotype reversal and as always, best! -Occam

Monday March 21st-

Andy:

I am beyond sick of Steve. Moving in together was a mistake, I don’t care how cheap the rent is, he is a narcissistic slob and I am eager to never see him again. Well no, I shouldn’t get ahead of myself. Our R.A. had this idea to try and walk in each other's shoes, which I don’t know? It might not be the worst thing? My big idea was switching diets actually- honestly I’m just hoping if he ate more like me he’ll stop stinking up the dorm. I can dream at least. Literally though he just can’t go to the gym as often if he eats like me. If I'm lucky at the very least his deodorant will last longer, I cannot take another day of his b.o. seeping through the walls, ugh! Anyway, wish me luck! I’m sure this will be a breeze for me, he usually just eats junk anyway, hope he enjoys my salads~

Steve:

Andy that little fucker. He was being such a little bitch to James and now I’ve gotta eat his rabbit food for a week or lose this bet or whatever. Steve don’t lose tho. Lil twink’s gotta eat whatever I make him too and you can bet your ass I’m gonna make him match my macros if I’ve gotta starve myself like he wants. Fuck! This shit is going to absolutely tank my routine! I’ve gotta make Andy give up. I’m gonna go so hard on him he’ll have to hit weights if he doesn't want to blow up like a pig. Maybe then he’ll stop bitching any time I don’t fucking shower every time I get back home. 

Tuesday March 22nd-

Andy:

My Lord! He is trying to kill me! I don’t know how anyone could consistently eat as much as he’s telling me to. I’m so bloated from all this food.. He looks so smug every time he tells me to keep eating, I’m sure he doesn’t eat like this. He’s just trying to break me but I’m not going to let him win this easy.

Ugh, I feel so bloated my pants are so tight on my waist. I didn’t think meat sweats were a thing but man I am needing to put on deodorant like twice a day now and I’m not even exercising. I will say that now that I’m eating so much, I don’t hate the idea of going to the gym. It’s been a while since I went but I should probably at least hit up the treadmill lest I get even more of a gut- maybe I’ll see if he wants to go tomorrow. This is all just an exercise to understand each other more after all, no need to make it a stupid competition like he wants eh~

Steve:

Fuck! I am so tired of Andy’s pussy-ass diet. I had absolutely no energy at the gym today, I told all my bros that I was just gonna take it easy but fuck! I really was working my ass off and I struggled to even meet a PR I set last week. It was supposed to be a push day and I didn’t even get a chest pump! Why the fuck am I still going. I’m abso-fucking-lutely not getting gains on his fuckin’ bitch-ass salads and oats.

Eatin’ like a fucking twink and the fucker has the nerve to ask to go to the gym with me tomorrow. I’ll make sure he regrets that >:) Gonna work him like a horse so he’ll throw in the towel! After feeling how sore actually working on yourself makes ya, he might actually learn something. I’ll turn in early so I can go all out and show him what a real man looks like.

Wednesday March 23rd-

Andrew:

Man! I totally get why Steven eats so much now~ I am absolutely raring to go and get this; He said I could go to the gym with him today! He even seemed like he wanted me to go with him! I feel like I have more energy than I’ve ever had before, I might even try some weights!! I don’t know but I’m so excited! It’s like I can feel my chest and biceps begging me to go and hit some iron haha! Or whatever those “bros” say~ I hope he’s got something good planned for lunch because I fuck Sorry! I just want to show him that I can do all this dude stuff too! I’m a man right? I guess all this protein is making me feel more like a man than usual idk. Either way though I’m ready to go! Hope we have some fun!

Steven:

That bitch’s fuckin’ fru fru salads are ruining my PR’s for sure! I bet he knew that when he begged me to take him to the gym today, knew it was the only time he could show off to me was when I’m so out of it. And he didn't! Just to be clear I could still wipe the floor with  him even if I’m not at my A-game. Ugh, I do gotta hand it to the little fucker though. I KNOW he hasn’t even really set foot in a gym before but man. Beginners luck my ass, as soon as I showed him a technique he lifted like he’s been doing it his whole life! It’s like I could see his pecs and tris swelling up with each lift. Not that I was staring at the bitch or anything but he’s just I just need this fuckin’ diet thing to end so I can get back to my grind, I guess I wouldn’t hate taking him to the gym more often, would be hot to make a bitch into a bro Fuck! What am I writing, I just need to lift again.

Thursday March 24th-

Andrew: 

Bro! Weird? Whatever, I am absolutely on fire! Steven’s diet is absolutely killer! I don’t know how it’s working so well but man I couldn’t care less, I felt like a pro in there! My coaches in school would always shit on me for not trying but man! I was barely trying yesterday but I could tell from the look on Steven’s face that I was acing it! I guess I’ll have to admit to him that he is definitely onto something with his macros but man, not until he gives up haha! Man, I need to chill haha, it’s not like I’m any stronger than I was Monday but man, looking at myself in the mirror it just seems like my clothes are just fitting better. Catching on my chest rather than my stomach y’know? I’ve never noticed that there is muscle on my arms before but man the way my sleeves are kinda hugging my biceps mm. I need to chill haha! Can’t use all my energy before hitting the gym again today!

OH! Also totally weird, I’ve had to shave twice this week! Once last night and then again this morning which is so weird! I’m not complaining though, it’s not like I wouldnt look hot with a beard right? Although my face is a little itchy already, my chest too? Whatever though haha! Time to head back to the grind lol!

Steven:

God!! Andy Andrew is being such an asshole! He’s clogging the sink shaving which I know he would so be on my ass if I had done that. Wait, he did get on my ass for shaving! But it hasn’t been a problem this week, it’s like I’m not even growing stubble for some reason? Probably from not working so hard at the gym, is that how that works? Whatever it’ll be over as soon as this stupid diet thing is. We’re halfway through now. Thank God! Because that fucking twink is starting to stink up the dorm which again!! He was such a little bitch all the time to me about that! It’s like he’s literally stopped using deodorant as soon as he started needing it! He’s never exerted himself in his life and now that his pits are sweating at all he’s suddenly allergic to hygiene, ugh! I saw last night too the fucker fell asleep with his head in his pit too so it’s not like he doesn’t know it. 

It was a little surprising actually, cause I would’ve sworn he was hairless like one of those freak cats but man his pit was as thick as my pubes! Thicker maybe, uh? Man I wish I could get that image out of my head, it’s like the tuft was pushing out further each time he inhaled, man that’s kinda hot? Fuck! I swear this twink-ass diet is making me think like him too. I need to sneak to the gym later, without him. I cannot have him getting ahead even while I’m still on his chickenshit diet.

Friday March 25th-

Steven:

Ah!! That Little bitch! He was already at the gym when I got there! Ugh! It makes me want to punch a wall, or fight him. Or something I dont know! It’s just, he was lifting my body weight on the bench when he saw me, it was so ho ugh! It doesn’t matter what it was, I can’t stop thinking of that smug look on his face- what I would give to wipe it off… That absolute prick knew what he was doing. Ugh, speaking of pricks! He may as well have not been wearing shorts at all by how much his cock was showing through them.

I knew my meal prepping was fucking tight but man, I can’t believe hot its made him. It just really fucking turns me on, or no its such a turn on for chicks. Yeah. Whatever. I need this bet to end already. Clearly he’s totally obsessed with my lifestyle so he should just admit it already! Also, hate to say it, but to Andrew’s credit his diet ain't too bad either. I’d never tell him this, and it is all a little emasculating but my skin has never looked this good. I’m not even doing skincare or anything but it’s like I’ve been on a routine for years, it’s crazy! It’s still ruining my upper gains but man, my ass looks so good it's crazy..

Oh also re: facial hair, I woke up this morning and could’ve sworn I used to have chest hair but now it looks like I’ve got just a little left around my nipples and leading up from my pubes? I might go ahead and shave those too, might as well be totally smooth like a chick right haha, I wonder what Andrew would think? I need to chill haha, maybe I’ll go see if he’s still at the gym~

Andrew:

Fuuuuck dude lol. I should’ve started hitting up the gym ages ago. Don’t know what I was even wasting time on before I started doing twice-a-days? Studying I guess but I can figure that shit stuff out hm. Fuck it is so much better to be strong than a dweeb. Every set it feels like I’m just busting out new PR’s! Gonna need to buy new clothes though cause I am absolutely tearing up my crop tops, my twinky little wardrobe just isn’t cutting it anymore. Maybe Steven’d be down for a clothes swap, I’ve seen him eying up my fits all week, god knows he’ll fit them better lol. Oh haha, and speaking of him eying things up >:) You should’ve seen his little face blush when he walked into the gym this morning! He looked so pissed at me lol, but I’m not gonna grab him to come along every time I need to get some sets in right? It was pretty embarrassing for him yesterday anyway, the way I showed him up lol. I’m not just gonna sit around and watch him not lift weights when I can figure this shit out myself, thought it was supposed to be his thing though lol.

Mm, saying that though, I def didn’t hate having a little audience from his treadmill. God, his blushing face as he stared directly at my work-out chub. Fuck, it really got me going. It really helped my sets too haha. Maybe I should hit him up lol, I can tell how bad he wants me >:)

Saturday March 26th-

Stevie:

Ugh! That douche is walking around the dorm completely shirtless! Do you know what it’s like to have an oaf flexing away across the room from you 24/7! He knows what he’s doing, and thank god my dick isn’t showing through my shorts like I thought it usually does because he might literally pounce on me then-

Ugh! I didn’t even mention this morning. I literally woke up to him jacking off his morning wood! Do you know what a bitch-fit he would have thrown if I did that! He would’ve filed a police report, probably the dweeb, or. I guess I could too?? But it was just so fucking hot. I tried to pretend I was asleep, but he totally caught me. He literally smirked and made eye contact as he finished too- thank god he didn’t see my boner as he asked if I wanted to clean up his mess. He’s such an ass! 

I still have a boner now actually, it’s his B.O. driving me actually crazy! It’s like I can’t think near him if he’s going to stink this bad god.. Oh, he’s doing pullups on the door frame fuck. He’s supposed to be hairless but I see sweat dripping from his pits god I can't. God with each pull up his chest looks even more powerful. His cock is bobbing up and down in his pants and I can not look away. Fuck it’s getting even bigger. I’m supposed to be the strong one right? It’s not, fuck. This isn’t right. He just so fucking, god that body, I need him-

And Drew:

Heh. I knew that fucking twink couldn’t resist me. Every little thing I do wraps him even tighter around my finger. Every flex and smirk turns him on even more I bet he can’t even think straight the way his little dick is losing it in his briefs- I took all his jocks since I’m sure he would need them anymore. Bet the little bitch didn’t even remember they were his.  

Might as well have been drooling when he saw me jacking my cock this morning lol, surprised he didn’t take me up on the offer to lick up the mess. I know he wanted to lol. He’ll get the chance soon enough though >:) God it’s a two-way street though. That fucking twink is so fuckable now, thank god he doesn’t need to shave anymore, don’t want his peachfuzz scratching my cock cause god that mouth is so fuckable now.. To say nothing of his fucking juicy ass, god! I’ve been working out in the room all morning waiting for him to give in and ask me to fuck him, idk if I can hold it in much longer. I might need to jack it again, my balls are bluer than I ever thought they could be, fuck. It’s like they're sore. Ugh I feel them getting heavier, heh, that little fucker cant resist though. God I feel precum starting to pool in my jock. If I put my pit within a foot of his face I give him five before he can’t help but shove his face in. I need to fuck him, but as if I’m going to let him see how desperate I am. Stevie that little fucker. He’ll be riding my cock any second now.

Sunday March 27th-

Stevie:

Fuck <3 !! He finally fucked me!! God, it was like nothing I’ve experienced before~ His cock was like a beer can and goddd the scratch of his beard as we were making out.. Hehe if I keep thinking about him I might just cum again right now! He can fully toss my body like a ragdoll and I’d thank him ugh! He’s just so hot, and to think he wants to fuck me!! Ah~ I’ll need to keep myself pretty so he won’t get tired of me hehe! Not that it’ll be a problem, I just need to keep on his diet, God who knew it would be this good! I don’t even remember whatever problems we had before all this and I can’t imagine anything better than getting fucked by him <3 Ah! He he~ He’s staring at my ass right now so I guess it’s time for another round! Can’t thank our R.A. enough for this idea, well he he I’ve got an idea for how to thank him, oh! Drew’s ripped off his jock! Wish me luck he he~

Drew:

My little bitch is so tight, fuck. I’m surprised he can even take my cock but god can he ride it. Gonna have a hard time taking a break from fucking him to even hit the gym. Need to make sure the twink keeps up the diet tho or we’ll have an issue. Be sure to make him come to the gym whenever I do, if not to tighten up then to watch me heh. Won’t hate fucking him in the locker room too. Mm, God his fucking tiny body makes me feel so powerful. And I fucking am. God my bis are the size of his thick thighs, fuck his ass. My cock is straining my jock just thinking about it. His tiny waist ugh, I need my sweaty body over him now. Not like he’ll mind, the horny fucker. Mmm hope he’s ready to take my cock, bet his mouth is already watering heh. Pop my pecs at him and he’ll struggle not to cum on the spot, he better keep it together until I let him though. Can’t be having my bitch blow his load that fast. Thank fuck he’s chilled out finally, though I guess my cock’ll work wonders on anyone >:) speaking of it’s about that time again. Hope he’s ready for some more action, hate to have to find another hole.

[readychilledwine]

span it into March, Liz. Make us cry instead

You asked for it.

Pieces of You Pt 1

Summary - After losing Feyre to childbirth, Rhysand finds himself leaning on one of her friends much more than he'd ever expected

Warnings - depression, self destructive behavior, babies, grieving, loss of motivation in life, Rhys feels his spark is gone, we haven't seen into readers headspace yet

Prologue

Rhys had not left his bed in 7 days. He had not changed. He had not bathed. Dark circles were beginning to form under his eyes as a permanent reminder of the lack of sleep he allowed himself.

It took one week. One week for him to feel the light Feyre lit in his soul to go out. One week for him to feel the last of his spark die. One week of tugging nothing but an aching empty void. Rhys saw no joy in life anymore, just burden and heartache.

Cassian entered the room, sitting on the edge of the bed. It had been like this the whole time. Each day, a different member of the Inner Circle would come to his newly claimed room. They'd try to tell him about his son, try to force him to eat, to drink something other than another bottle of whiskey or wine. They all would leave when they realized he wouldn't budge, and that's how Rhys wanted it to be right now. He wanted to be alone. To drown himself in self hatred, in guilt, in anger, in the depths of sadness he had never felt before. “She's asking when you're going to come see him. She's concerned you aren't bonding with him and-”

“Tell her I just lost my fucking mate and I will see him when I'm ready to.” Rhys growled out every letter, glaring at Cassian. “She's fully fucking capable of caring for both of them.”

Cassian's shoulders fell. “Rhys, she just lost her mate, too, remember? The so-called accident in the port? The one we are fairly sure Beron and Koschei planned? He was one of the males killed.”

A moment of sympathy crossed through Rhysand's face before his own grieve ate through the emotion completely. “She was one of Feyre's friends, Rhys. Trust me. She's mourning as hard as we all are as well as mourning her mate, and trying to process it all while caring for two newborns in her home unexpectedly.”

Rhys rolled away from him, indicated he was done, and Cassian sighed, looking down towards his feet. “She's keeping Nyx alive, selflessly, Rhys. Our last physical piece of Feyre. At least consider going and seeing him.”

-

Members of the Inner Circle had all but moved into your cottage.

You had gone from just you and Wen to you, Wen, Nyx, and which ever member or members arrived to take care of you that day.

Today, Lady Death stood at your door with Cassian. They were holding baby supplies, food for lunch, and clothes for both of the babies. Nesta was a shell, moving into the home in silence and setting things down as if time was moving at a slower pace for her.

Cassian tucked your messy hair behind your ear. “I asked him to come see Nyx.”

Your eyes lit up, hope for the little heir shining in them. “And?” Cassian just shook his head, eyes beginning to water as he did.

“Is he asleep?” You nodded at the question. “And Little Mor?” You nodded again.

“I fed them both about 20 minutes ago.”

“Go do something for you,” Nesta's voice was lifeless. “We will make lunch. Azriel will be here soon.”

Azriel had become a constant companion. As soon as he realized Rhys had no interest in seeing Nyx, he had been here, standing in where a father should be. Doing whatever you needed, whatever the babies needed. Even though he was there for Nyx, he still treated “Little Mor," as the Inner Circle had all named your daughter, like he was here for her too.

You moved into your bathroom, looking at the now lukewarm bath you had drawn for yourself. It would be fine. You'd be quick. Then you would be ready to go be super mom and nanny again.

-

Azriel froze when he saw Rhys dressed in casual clothing, waiting for him at the door. He had lunch for the High Lord, hoping he'd be able to make him eat before leaving to be with you and his favorite babies. A shadow curled his ear, whispering how Rhys wanted to go see his son. How he needed to meet you officially. How he was struggling to set aside his own needs. How he was a scared lamb where a lion once stood, ready to run the second things became too difficult.

Azriel held a hand out, reaching for Rhys like the brothers had reached for each other so many times before. He waited, smiling softly at Rhys as a shaking hand placed itself in his and he walked them through the shadows before Rhys could change his mind.

-

Struggling flowers in pots sat outside of the cottage, wilting slightly from the lack of time and care put into them. A blue door sat on silver hinges, greeting them brightly. Mocking Rhysand's sadness with its cheerful presence.

You were an artist, Rhys knew that much. Where Feyre loved to paint, you used charcoal to express yourself. He also knew the two of you were fast friends, constantly having lunch together, shopping together, giggling.

You had been all Feyre spoke of when she met you 4 months ago. Her first true friend with no ties to a lover, to the inner circle, to obligations. You chose her, and she relished in every moment of your love, and from what Rhys understood, you relished in hers.

Rhys had a piece of your artwork. You had sketched out Feyre, mind and hands deep in paint, glowing towards the tail end of her pregnancy as she worked on painting Nesta rising from the Lake as Lady Death.

You had an impeccable eye for details and for making emotions readable through lines. You were a true gem to the Rainbow. A valued member of Velaris. He knew your name long before Feyre had mentioned you, but now, you were irreplaceable.

To him, to Nyx, to the Inner Circle.

They owed you. Rhys owned you. The very least he could do was drag himself out of a bed, throw on clothing, and come see his son. Rhys shook as his hand reached to knock, before scarred ones gently lowered His and twisted the knob.

“We don't knock. We just enter. No loud noises, okay?" Azriel opened the door, nodding to where Nesta sat with her hands on her hand, and Cassian was making lunch. “They must be sleeping?”

Cass nodded not turning his back to face them yet. “Little Mor and Nyx just fell asleep 25 minutes go. Y/n is Bathing in cold water because Mother forbid that female takes a moment for herself-”

As if on cue, as if sensing Rhysand's presence, a piercing cry broke through the house, and they heard a door open and then another. Azriel pulled Rhys with him to the nursery where Nyx and Morwenna slept during the day. "That cry was Nyx," Azriel said softly. "He struggles during naptime. Little Mor has a more rattle cry."

Long hair dripped water onto the wooden floorboards as a small winged figure rested his head on a bare shoulder. “I know, sweetheart,” you bounced him so softly, soothing him back to sleep. “I know you're lonely. It's okay. We can cuddle, I don't mind.” A deep huff left his mouth as he settled in, basking in the contact you were offering him.

Rhys moved like a ghost to the second bassinet where a sweet girl slept, happy and content for what he hoped was a few more moments.

The two of them could have been twins. Same dark hair, similar noses, similar lips set in a forever baby pout.

Aside from gender, there were only two glaring details sitting on Nyx's back that were the tell-tale sign of their different parents. Two glaring details that killed his mate, his wife. “And your son's mother,” a soft feminine voice whispered. “She was his mother, too, High Lord. He is missing her just as much as you are.”

Azriel looked to Rhys, calling for him in his mind. Daemati. Check your shields.

"His shields are fine. He's just screaming his thoughts like they're going to manifest into life if he does."

A deep voice finally answered, void of all emotion. “I don't think he misses her half as much as I do, my lady,” Rhys continued to look at Morwenna. A picture-perfect babe who caused you no harm.

“Little Mor,” Azriel said as he stroked her tuff of dark hair. "This is Morwenna, but we call her Little Mor.” Azriel then moved to Nyx, a ghost of a smile as his lips quickly trembled before he masked it. “You should hold him, Rhys. He might remember your voice.”

“It would be good for both of you,” you whispered. “He needs you. Look into his little mind and then Wen’s,” a pointed look to Azriel allowed Rhys to finally see you.

Tired eyes, features pale from exhaustion, a small smile that didn't reach your eyes. Your beautiful eyes. You were stunning, even by high fae standards, Rhys knew that, but he could hardly appreciate it the way he once had. There was no more beauty in his world. No more light. Feyre had taken it all with her.

“High Lord, please, holding him. Even just for a second.” You moved to Rhys, standing before him, offering so much more than just his son. “He needs you, and you need him. Just open your eyes and see that.”

Rhys held out shaking hands, taking his son in his arms for the first time, holding him for the first time. Bright blue eyes looked up at him, laced with sleep and confusion, before snuggling so closely into his chest that Rhysand felt something stir again. You moved him to the chair, forcing him to sit and handing him tissues as the tears began to fall.

He looked up to where you had grabbed your daughter before she could start crying, soothing her as well. He listened to the soft whispers of your voice, he watched you care for her no differently than you had Nyx, treating them like they were both your own.

It explained the little heir's health, the rolls beginning to form on his little body, the rosy cheeks. You loved him like he was yours, and he loved you.

Rhys looked back down, and as he stared at Nyx, watching each little movement of his chest, feeling his warmth, his happy thoughts and dreams of his and Feyre's voices, of you singing to him and rocking him to sleep. Looking at his son, Rhys realized that maybe, just maybe, there was still some light left in this world. He felt for the first time in a week that maybe, just maybe, there was still something left to live for.

General Taglist:

@hnyclover @glitterypirateduck @slytherinindisguise @mischiefmanager @bloodicka @starsinyourseyes @the-sweet-psycho @mariahoedt @rinalouu @sarawritestories @starryhiraeth @starswholistenanddreamsanswered @cumuluscranium @loneliestluvr @eternallyelvish @daughterofthemoons-stuff @tayswhp

Rhys taglist:

@tothestarsandwhateverend @cheshire-salvatore-mikaelson @avajustreads

Pieces of You Taglist:

@dr4g0ngirl @bigcreatorwombatdreamer @blueeclipsepaperstudent @thisblogisaboutabook @mybestfriendmademe @novalovi @rachelnicolee @sleepylunarwolf @sidthedollface2 @acourtofbatboydreams @bunnyredgirl @fandomrejects

If your username is in bold, tumblr is not allowing me to tag you. Hopefully it will fix here soon, though!

[roosterforme]

The Younger Kind Part 31 | Rooster x Reader

Summary: Bradley knows there's only one way to contend with what Carl did, and he will gladly do it for you. All he wants is his house, his kid and his girl. You on the other hand don't know quite how to deal with anything that's going on, because it all seems out of your control. 

Warnings: Angst, swearing, fluff, fighting, blood, and age gap (18+)

Length: 3500 words

Pairing: Single dad!Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw x babysitter!female reader

Check out my masterlist for more! The Younger Kind masterlist.

You were so anxious for your first day of work, you actually woke up way too early and spilled blazing hot coffee all over your scrubs, forcing you to make a detour back to the bedroom to get changed. All you seemed to be able to think about was that video. That goddamn video. You wished you never looked in that box in the attic.

Once again, you were on the verge of tears as you pulled on a clean top and went to wake Noah up for the day. Everything felt like too much right now unless he was with you. The fact that you were as dependent on Noah as he was on you was probably nothing to brag about, but he really lit up every time you read to him or made him food. And you felt much better inside when he was snuggled up with you or holding your hand. 

You felt like his mom. You felt like you belonged here with him. He trusted you to take care of him, and you always would. But your confidence where Bradley was concerned felt stunted now, and you couldn't even talk to him about it. If you were even strong enough to bring it up at all. 

Noah climbed out of bed and went right to you for a hug, never questioning if he was welcome with you. "Morning, sweet Noah," you whispered against his soft hair. "Did you have happy dreams?"

He yawned and said, "Yeah. I was a pink dinosaur, and all of the other dinosaurs were afraid of me. So I got to eat all the Skittles."

"Wow," you said with a laugh as you carried him into the kitchen for breakfast. "That's the best dream I've ever heard of."

"Yeah, I know." 

He ate some eggs while you successfully drank your coffee and vanilla creamer without spilling it this time. And when you dropped him off at daycare, the same girl was working at the front desk.

"Hi, Noah," she said sweetly before handing you the clipboard to sign with a bland expression. You kissed Noah on the cheek and watched him walk in with the other kids before you signed your name. "And will you be picking him up again today, or should we be expecting another babysitter?"

You froze, and a startled laugh escaped your lips. "I'll be picking him up. And I'm the only babysitter." She appraised you again, so you added, "Only the best for Lieutenant Bradshaw and his son," before you spun on your heel and strolled out to the parking lot. 

You were driving the Bronco. You were in charge of Noah. Bradley was acting like some sort of sugar daddy boyfriend with the credit card you had tucked in your wallet. You shouldn't have been feeling insecure at all. You tried not to think about anything except getting to work on time for your first day. 

And being out of the house did help. You met all of the doctors and other nurses, and some of them were your age. Dr. Kelly treated you to lunch, and you got to chat with her a bit. You learned you'd get to assist with a few special needs kids later in the week. It was exciting. You had your own tiny workspace. Being there occupied your mind. 

But when you were asked to fill out a small stack of new hire paperwork in the afternoon, your pen stopped on the page multiple times. You hesitated twice before you eventually wrote Bradley's address as your own. You wrote his name and phone number down as your emergency contact, but you felt ridiculous writing 'boyfriend' where it asked for your relationship to him. After a brief debate, you wrote it anyway and moved on. And a beneficiary for your life insurance? Well, you didn't really have anyone else, so you put Noah. 

And then when you handed everything back in, you felt kind of like you were pretending to be an adult. 

----------------------------

Bradley waited on his bunk for Carl to return. It was getting late, and he wondered where the fuck he was. Without completely dismantling the tiny room, Bradley had searched through as much of Carl's shit as he could. And that was after confirming that he was only missing the one polaroid that you sent with him. 

His ears were ringing. Fingers twitching. He was absolutely repulsed by the thought of anyone else looking at that picture. But especially Carl. That was a line you just didn't cross with a bunkmate. Bradley had seen some wild shit in his days, walked in on some things he wished he could unsee. But you simply did not mess with personal items. And you certainly didn't take anything under any circumstances without permission. And if it was anything pertaining to a wife, girlfriend or significant other, it was absolutely forbidden. 

And if you broke any of these unwritten rules, well... you should know what you were in for. 

When Bradley heard a key in the door close to midnight, his hands automatically curled into fists. Your pretty face popped into his mind, smiling up at him, a teasing smirk on your lips. Even though you weren't here, you deserved to be defended right now. He'd protect you and Noah until he used up his dying breath. And that just meant things weren't looking too hot for Carl at the moment. 

The other man strolled in wearing his gym clothes, and it struck Bradley that Carl was probably a little older than he was. He was in good shape, too, but that wouldn't stop Bradley from beating the absolute shit out of him if necessary. 

"What's up, Carl?" he asked, remaining seated with his fists planted on either side of him on the bed. When Carl seemed barely able to meet his eyes, Bradley knew for sure.

"Hey," he replied awkwardly. "Just wanted to hit the gym when it was empty."

Bradley just watched him for a few seconds, silently demanding eye contact. When Carl finally stopped bumbling around and met his eyes, Bradley slowly stood. "Where is it?"

Carl's eyes flashed with panic as Bradley rolled his shoulders and took a step closer in the already limited space. "What? What are you talking about?" He tried to back away, but there was really nowhere to go. 

"If you make me ask again, it's going to be a lot worse for you, man."

"I... I..." Carl's eyes followed Bradley's left hand as he loosened his fist. And then Bradley slammed him back against the door. 

"You know better," Bradley growled. "This isn't your first deployment. You know the rules. And it belongs to me. Where. Is. It?"

"The photo?" Carl whispered as Bradley pressed the heel of his hand against his sternum with even more pressure. 

Bradley raised his voice. "Where the hell is it? It better have never left this fucking room."

"I have it!" Carl swore, and Bradley released him.

"Get it," Bradley said as calmly as he could, but his voice was shaking. He watched Carl dig around in his bedding, procuring the photo of you and your perfect tits and your barely concealed pussy. Bradley had a flashback to Noah's birthday party when Jake kissed you. Then he pictured you at the fraternity house, drunk and helpless. Carl was about to pay a pretty large price. 

"Here," he grunted, extending the polaroid out to Bradley. Once he set it down on top of his dresser, making sure the photo was still perfect, he turned back to Carl and sucker punched him right on the nose. 

Blood was gushing onto his gym shirt as Bradley said, "That's fucked up, Carl. You had my photo in your bed."

He was holding his nose, looking at Bradley with guilty eyes. "Sorry," he mumbled.

"That's my girl, you piece of shit." Bradley was seething as he rammed Carl back up against the door. 

"She's your girl?" he asked, trying to stop the bleeding with both hands now. "She looks barely legal. How old is she?"

Bradley released him and took a step back before he did more damage than he intended to. "Do you really think it's a good idea to ask me that, Carl? You probably jerked it to my girlfriend after you stole my photo, and now you're asking me how old she is?" He was panting, letting the rage flow through him, and then both hands curled into fists again.

"Shit, I didn't- I wasn't-"

"You're not very bright, are you?" Bradley asked, cutting him off. "I'll let you walk out of this room with your face mostly intact as long as you guarantee that you'll wear your bruises around this carrier without even so much as looking in my direction. And don't you dare visit the infirmary. Your indiscretion doesn't blow back on me. You got it?"

Carl looked resigned as he lowered his hands from his face and nodded. "Yeah. I got it."

Then Bradley landed one more punch, hard as hell, and Carl staggered around the room for a few seconds before he managed to take himself out into the hallway and toward the bathroom. Bradley carefully picked up his polaroid, and his heart ached. He was yours, and he'd have done anything to see your beautiful face in person right now.

And if Carl didn't so much as speak to him or look at him again for the rest of the deployment, it would be just fine with Bradley.

-------------------------

You always felt like you were rushing around. When you got out of work an hour early one Wednesday, you decided to use the time to go grocery shopping before you picked up Noah. It was easier to get just the necessities this way. The downside was that you were definitely getting lost in your own thoughts as you stood in the produce area selecting apples. 

It was almost a relief that Bradley hadn't contacted you yet. If you had to look him in the eye right now, you weren't sure you could do it without crying. That USB drive was currently on top of the refrigerator where you couldn't see it, but it was still enough to upset you when you thought about it. But at the same time, you missed your boyfriend and wanted him to come home, and you knew Noah would benefit from talking to him.

You wasted so much time looking at fucking apples that you were going to be late if you didn't get going. You winced as you used the purple princess credit card to pay for the food, and then you organized everything in the back of the Bronco. You loved driving it and briefly wondered if he'd still let you after he got home. 

You pulled into the gas station that was just a few blocks from Noah's daycare, once again using Bradley's credit card. You sighed as you inserted the card for payment and then started to fill the tank. And then you looked up toward the next row of pumps, and you were sure you knew that BMW. A second later, you met Meredith's gaze, and a chill went through your body.

You were afraid your voice was going to shake, but you called out, "You're not supposed to come near me."

She laughed maliciously. "This is a gas station, and I was here first. So maybe you should stay away from me."

"With pleasure," you snarled. You had to close your eyes against the sick feeling that rose inside you. Naked. You could picture her naked. Bradley used to love her. 

"You already ruined my life," Meredith snapped. "So your little restraining order stunt really doesn't matter to me." Then she was climbing into her car, and you watched her peel out of the parking lot and into traffic, heading in the opposite direction from Noah's daycare. 

Your hands were unsteady as you finished up at the gas pump. She was right; she had been at the gas station first. She was with Bradley first. She was Noah's mom before you ever came into the picture as his babysitter. She was everywhere, and she wouldn't go away.

----------------------

Bradley emailed you days ago to let you know he would be able to FaceTime with you and Noah tonight, but you'd only written back, "Sounds good." You didn't give him any updates. You didn't call him Daddy. You didn't say anything else. 

Sounds good.

He grunted as he worked out in the gym. The sooner he could get this deployment completed and get home, the better. Carl's face was starting to look better now, but Bradley smiled every time he saw the bruises. He had no idea what excuse the other man had given for looking like a raccoon with two black eyes and a bent nose, and he didn't really fucking care. If anyone assumed he was the one who caused the bruising, they probably also assumed it was warranted. 

Those polaroids were wrapped up and put away now. But Bradley wanted the real thing. Your body and your voice. He'd been thinking about how insufficient it felt to call you his girlfriend. Just the same way you'd always felt like more than Noah's babysitter to them. But now with your lack of a real response, Bradley felt a little foolish for thinking about proposing to you. 

When it was time to make the call home, he sighed deeply. And when you answered your phone on the living room couch, your expression was hesitant. 

"Princess," he rasped, holding the iPad with both hands. "Baby. I miss you."

It felt like an eternity before you responded. "We miss you, too." 

He had so much he wanted to say and talk about, but your voice was just a little too soft, and your eyes were just a little too sad. "What's wrong?" he asked, but you were already shaking your head.

"Here. Talk to Noah." And then you were out of the frame, and Noah was there. Bradley laughed as he talked about daycare and making something called peanut butter snails and going for hikes. He held up some of the coloring sheets he had worked on, and Bradley noted that you had dated all of them. You always did little things like that. Now he'd be able to see which days his son worked on the coloring sheets when he got home. 

"I miss you so much, bub."

"Will you come home soon?" Noah asked, and Bradley's heart absolutely melted. 

"Really soon. And we can go to the beach and maybe take a little vacation, okay? Now can you sit with Princess so I can talk to her, too?"

And then you were immediately back in the frame and scooping Noah onto your lap. So you must have been standing right there the whole time. 

"That's better," Bradley sighed. His house, his kid, his girl. "You have no idea how much I wish I was on that couch with you." 

You smiled softly. "Do you know when you'll be back?"

"I'm not sure, Baby. Not soon enough. Tell me about work."

So you indulged him in a few stories, and it sounded like you fit in there. You liked your coworkers, especially Dr. Kelly. You loved all the kids you got to talk to and care for all day. But you still seemed a little distant.

"Are you sleeping okay?" he asked. "Any issues?"

You pressed a kiss to Noah's cheek and said, "We just miss you. That's all."

"We want you to come home," Noah whined. 

"Please?" you added softly. 

"So soon," he reiterated, wishing he could give you both a kiss. "Watch for my emails?"

"I will," you promised. 

"I love you. Both of you."

Then you and Noah said in unison, "I love you, too." And then he had to end the call.

------------------------

Well it was done now. You were on your way to get the last few things from your place with Noah before you turned your key over to your landlord. Or former landlord. You were done paying rent here, and now you could start helping Bradley pay his mortgage. In fact, he would be home in a few days, and you'd talk to him about it then. There were actually a lot of things you wanted to have a conversation about.

"Do you remember when you came here for dinner? And I made you spaghetti in my little kitchen?"

"That was a long time ago," Noah insisted, and you held his hand as you walked up the sidewalk. "You live at my house now."

"Yep," you replied softly as you let go of his hand and dug around in your bag for the key you hardly ever used now. "Let's just hope that makes your Daddy happy and not annoyed since I never really gave him a verbal answer," you mumbled, finally locating the key. 

As you shoved it into the lock, Noah knelt down and picked something up from the porch. "What's this?" he asked, reaching his hand up to you.

Your eyes went wide. "Drop it," you said right away, and he let the piece of broken glass fall back to the porch. But there was more. Both of you were standing in it, and when you reached to turn the knob, there must have been a shard there.

"Shit," you gasped as your right palm started bleeding. Your heart was pounding in your ears as you kicked the door fully open. One of the panes of glass in the door had been smashed, and there was more of the mess on the floor inside. "Don't touch anything," you hissed, and Noah started crying. 

You kept him close enough to take a few pictures as soon as you were able to fumble with your phone. You took seven photos of all the glass plus the item that had been left. For you. It was just a dollar store coloring book, but there was a note on top of it written in crayon. Have fun playing house.

It had to have been from Meredith. Who else could have done it? She was already claiming you ruined her life. And ever since you saw her at the gas station, you were nervous that wasn't the last of her.

Blood was starting to pool a little bit in your upturned palm, and there wasn't much you could do at the moment except for ruin your shirt. "Let's get out of here," you whispered, and the two of you walked back across the porch, the glass crunching beneath your feet. 

You were able to buckle Noah with one hand, but even when you got back to Bradley's house, you were still bleeding. And the glass needed to be removed. So you finally caved and called Natasha. 

"I kind of need your help," you told her vaguely over the phone.

She laughed in response. "I kind of need a lot of things. What can I do for you?"

"Can you come by and help me remove a piece of glass from my dominant hand?"

"Fuck. Of course. I'm on my way," she replied, all tones of joking  gone. 

She was there in less than fifteen minutes, and she washed her hands right away. Then she used the sterilized tweezers that you handed to her to carefully remove the glass. "Just the one piece?" she asked, meeting your eyes. 

"I think so. I already checked Noah really thoroughly."

Nat's expression darkened. "Why don't you tell me what happened?"

You were pressing some gauze against your palm now. You might need stitches. You would probably benefit from getting stitches. But you couldn't do them yourself with your left hand, and you didn't want to leave Noah right now. Not even with Nat. He was watching a Mickey Mouse cartoon on the couch, and you didn't want him further away from you than that. 

"It was just some broken glass," you replied. 

"Here?" she asked, looking around the kitchen.

"No. At my old place. It's fine. I just need to tell my landlord about it, and I'll replace it." You were amazed how easily you were able to keep your voice steady. 

"Right," Nat replied with an unamused look. "Bradley will be home in a couple days? Do you want me to stay here until he's back?"

"Of course not. We're fine," you insisted, averting your gaze.

She stood to leave and sighed deeply. "Please call me back if you need anything, okay? And do us both a favor and don't lie to Bradley when you pick him up."

You pressed your lips together and nodded. "I won't," you said softly. And after she left, you took Noah into bed with you and snuggled him tight. 

---------------------

I hate Carl. I hate Meredith. I want Daddy to come home. Hope you enjoy your fic, @beyondthesefourwalls And thank you @mak-32 !

PART 32

@hotch-meeeeeuppppp

@swthxrry

@chassy21

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[creweemmaeec11]

Dark Horse Painted White Part 3

Pt 1 Pt 2

Hero couldn't help the feeling of guilt clawing at their throat. They were at such a loss! They'd tried so hard to be nice to civilian this morning, but it was as if the nicer they were, the more Civilian seemed to hate them! They didn't understand what they'd done so wrong!

Despite their loss of appetite, hero ate their omelette to avoid being rude, before doing the dishes like they'd promised. They wiped down the table, and even spotted a broom behind the fridge they used to sweep.

When their civilian host still wasn't back yet. Hero awkwardly lay back down on the couch, not daring to touch anything else they might get in trouble for. It was very rare they ever got the opportunity to sleep in like this, nevermind have free time. What should they do? It's not like they had time for any hobbies. What did normal people do with time off?

Hero continued staring at the ceiling. They'd checked their phone a half dozen times. No new assignments or instructions from their boss. They hadn't even gotten any paperwork passed off to them yet. They received nothing but radio silence, all their time meant to be dedicated to protecting the Civilian.

Finally, after what felt like hours of staring at the wall, hero heard the door at the end of the hall open and the clacking of claws approach. Immediately, they sat up to attention.

Civilian rounded the corner, holding a notebook and a pen but their eyes stayed trained on their phone as they typed with their other hand.

"Here," they said, tossing the two items onto the coffee table, "make a list of stuff you want picked up at the grocery store,"

"Wait, what?"

"Food, hero," civilian deadpanned, "unless you plan on eating all of mine while your here?"

"N-no, of course not! But-"

"Then get to writing," they quipped, before turning and heading to the kitchen.

Despite their confusion, hero did as they were told, writing down a list of things they could think of that didn't take much preparation.

Civilian came back a few minutes later, looking at the hero expectantly.

They stood up off the couch, handing the notepad back to their host, "Please let me pay, for all of my stuff at least-"

"Do you have cash?" Civilian asked as they started typing on their phone yet again.

"Only $20, but I can send you the rest-"

"The twenty is fine," they replied. They weren't giving the hero any sort of link to their accounts. Civilian's eyes finally left their phone screen to begin reading the list. Something in their face seemed to shift as they read the items.

"Is something wrong?" Hero asked nervously.

"We just have a much simmilar palette then I would have expected," they replied, tone a mix of begrudging and in awe.

Hero wanted to ask why, but they bit their tongue, "are we going to go pick this stuff up?"

"No, I'm having a... uhm, *friend* pick it up for me," Civilian replied, snapping a photo of the notepad before dropping it back down on the table.

"So, what are we going to do today then?" Hero questioned.

"Nothing," the other replied, tucking their phone back into their pocket.

"Nothing? What do you mean nothing?"

"As in we aren't doing anything..." Civilian explained in confusion, "I canceled my plans,"

"But..." hero hesitated,"what should I do then?"

The civilian bit back the comment of telling the hero they should leave, if not for it being a waste of breath, then for how genuinely confused the hero sounded, "Uhm... I don't know? Whatever you want? You didn't bring anything with you to keep you occupied?"

Hero looked a bit perplexed, "uhm... no? Should I have?"

"Well... I would have thought so... never mind. It doesn't matter. I'm sure you can find something on TV at least,"

"Oh, yeah okay, sure,"

"Queen," Civilian whistled, "remote,"

Hero watched in wonder as the large white dog ran to grab the remote, bringing it over to the Civilian.

"Good girl," they praised, taking the item from the dogs mouth, "Tell me your favourite channels and I'll find their numbers for you,"

There was a beat of silence. The lack of answer caused the Civilian to glance over at the hero with a mix of confusion and annoyance.

"I... I don't know.... I'm not familiar with any of the different channels. I haven't watched anything other then the news in years,"

Civilian's face simply shifted into even more confusion, "uhm.. okay... well you can get youtube on this TV too. Do you watch anything on that?"

"Uhm, no... I don't think so," hero shifted awkwardly, "Maybe you could reccomend something?"

"Uh..." Civilian stuttered, suddenly strangely flattered hero would trust their judgment and taste to make a suggestion.

They cleared their throat. Nothing coming from a hero was any sort of compliment.

There was no way they were going to be sharing their actual preferences with hero!

"Yeah, sure I guess," Civilian shrugged. They'd share shows they thought were okay, but not their favorites. "But what do you even do in your spare time?" They asked as they navigated through the channels on the TV.

"Uh, well," they chuckled dryly, scratching the back of their head, "I don't exactly have a lot of spare time. Evil never rests as they say, and that usually means neither do I,"

Civilian internally rolled their eyes. What a drama queen. There was no way hero wasn't exaggerating. Because sure, this city did have it's fair share of criminals, but there was no way a major crime took place nearly every day. Three times a week, max.

"Plus, if the city holds any big public events, I always need to be there in case a villain decides to show up. That mixed with all the press conferences, fan meet and greets, training, street watch, you know... and any time I have leftover gets used up by finishing all the paperwork the other officers don't get done," the hero gave a forced laugh again, "in fact, I think this morning was the first time I've gotten to sleep-in in..." they blinked, "I can't even remember..."

The hero glanced up, realizing they'd been rambling and were about to apologize but the look on the Civilian's face made them stop.

Civilian was looking at them with an incredulous, shocked expression.

"Of course it's all worth it!" Hero sputtered.

"Sounds like you need to put your foot down" Civilian scoffed, turning back to the tv. So what if they'd been wrong about hero's daily life? Just because they didn't live like royalty? If anything, heros probably deserved to be working so hard, for all the problems they caused, it served them right not to have any free time! If they wanted to throw their life away for some meaningless agency, what did villain care?!

"Maybe you're right, but.... I'm a bit of a people pleaser" hero chuckled again.

Civilian side-eyed them, "you don't say," they scoffed, before carelessly tossing the remote next to the hero on the couch, "Give this channel a try for now. If you don't like it, just change the channel till you find something,"

"W-wait!" Hero sputtered, quickly jumping to their feet.

Civilian's feet regrettably stuttered to a stop. They turned their head, glancing over their shoulder at their unwanted guest.

"What?" They snapped, failing to hide the annoyance in their tone.

"Where are you going?"

"To my room?"

"But... I'm supposed to keep an eye on you? I can't really do that if you're in the other end of the house with the door closed..."

Civilian grumbled. That had been the entire point.

"Fine, I'll work in the kitchen," they amended, before heading to their room to gather a few things.

----------------

The house had been quiet for the next few hours, the only sound being the soft murmur of the wTV in the other room, when suddenly there was a knock at the door.

Hero immediately jumped to their feet.

"Please, let me get it!" Hero asked quickly, coming up behind the Civilian who was about to open the door, "just in case,"

Civilian rolled their eyes, scoffing under their breath, but they didn't argue, stepping aside to let the hero grab the handle.

The door opened to reveal no one, only multiple grocery bags on the front step. The hero poked their head out further, looking around, but they couldn't see anyone.

"Uh..."

The Civilian didn't say anything, instead pushing past them to begin bringing the bags inside. Quickly, the hero scurried to help.

"Was that your friend?"

"No, my groceries just teleported onto my doorstep," Civilian replied sarcastically as they began taking things out and putting them onto the counter.

The hero chuckled humorously, "No, I mean, where did they go? Why did they run off so quickly?"

"Maybe supervillain got them,"

"What?!"

Civilian gave them an incredulous and unimpressed look, "they were *busy* hero," they explained, rolling their eyes.

"Oh, right," Hero replied, clearing their throat awkwardly, "Well, it sure was nice of them to pick up everything for you,"

*that's what they get paid for* civilian thought to themselves.

Once everything was put away, they let out a sigh.

"I need to take Nova and Queen out for a walk. Be ready to go in half an hour," Civilian stated matter-of-factly before disappearing down the hall and into their room.

[barcalover86]

Hello can i get one where the reader and Gavi are about to have intimacy, but he gets shy and insecure, cuz it’s his first time and she compliments him all night long

Gavi just returned home after he was done with his training camp in New York. You two haven't seen each other in almost 2 months, and even if you face timed each other a lot, you still missed him terribly.

Ever since he stepped into your house, you were all over him kissing his face.

"Ayy, y/n, let me get changed first, please!" he laughed at your clinging.

You made a pout face, but let him go, getting in return a kiss on the lips.

You waited in the kitchen for Gavi to change while preparing some food for him to eat after a long flight back to Barcelona.

When he was done, he hugged you tight from behind, kissing you cheek.

"Let's eat, I'm hungry!" you said.

He nodded and ate his favorite pasta of yours, and when you were done, you still couldn't resist and went to kiss him again on his lips, which he gladly accepted.

You missed each other's touch a lot, and in this moment, being this close to him wasn't enough, so you began to take his shirt off.

He blocked for a second at your action but continued to kiss you.

"Let's go to the bedroom."

You took his hand and guided him to your room.

You two had never made love, but it wasn't any of your first times.

Gavi did it for some times but with only girls that he won't ever see again so it wasn't a problem to him, but he started to be afraid that you won't like it and that it will scare you away.

When you were standing in front of him half naked, only having your underwear on you, you looked into his eyes, seeing panic.

"Are you ok?" you asker, which he nodded.

Your hands went on his sweatpants, looking at him to have his approval to get them off.

When you were slowly pushing them down, Gavi took your hands and stopped you. With worried eyes, that you could have done something wrong, you asked him if he is alright with going further or if he isn't ready yet.

"I can wait if you are not ready, Pablo. We're not in a hurry" you smiled at him softly.

"No, that's not it."

"Then? What's wrong?"

He didn't reply.

"Is it because of me..?" you looked at him with sad eyes.

"No, no, no. It's not you, it's me."

"What do you mean?"

He sighed and after a few seconds he continued.

"I'm scared that I'm not good enough for you."

"What-"

"And that your ex boyfriend had a nicer body than me."

You looked at him with wide eyes.

"Gavi, I think you are perfect. I've never ever seen someone as beautiful as you. And I speak with honesty only, you know that." You grabbed his cheeks, making sure he understood every word you said. "And if you are not ready, I can wait for you. I'll wait years just so that you could be comfortabl, ok."

He nodded and you kissed his nose.

"Wanna have some chocolate?" you asked and he smiled.

You went to your kitchen and brought up some of it to eat. You got on your bed, started the TV so that you could watch a football game together, knowing that he loves it.

Gavi felt bad all this time. He saw that you were really in the mood and had to stop because of him.

After a while, you were cold and wanted to put your shirt back on. Suddenly, Gavi stopped you.

You looked at him confused before he started to kiss your collarbone.

He then looked into your eyes. He was ready.

You smiled. "Are you sure?"

He nodded. "More than sure."

You then started to kiss him again and slowly to go down his body.

"Today is about you, ok? I want to make sure you understand that you're perfect."

When you were slowly taking his pants down his body, he started to get shy and blushed.

You then took his boxers off of him as well and he looked at you to see a reaction.

He blushed even more when you complimented him.

All night long, you showed him how beautiful he is and after some time, he got confident in bed, making love to you just the way you wanted.

[transmascaraa]

hi! idea: gaming x adeptus!reader, where reader gets all flustered over gaming openly admiring and affectionate towards them bc reader isn't used to so much praise

alternatively! gaming x tea/food stall owner!reader where while he's picking up an order, he almost forgets about the order bc wow reader is just so pretty what + he ends up becoming a regular at their stall

— 🧷anon (side note: ty for doing my req <3)

bf!gaming headcannons!

you were never used to so much praise...

bf!gaming x adeptus!gn!reader

author's note: I LOVE BOTH OF THE IDEAS😭😭 but i chose the first one idk why🤷‍♂️ btw you're welcomeee i'm glad you liked the gaming kabedon hcs<3 also i love your ideas cuz they're so creative imo and just thanks to anyone who requests anything because I HAVE LITTLE TO NO IDEAS. anyways i can't believe so many of you like gaming so much😭 he's so pookie tho we should all love him anyway🗣️ i hope you enjoy!!

"let me make up for all of the years you never got this praise, until you get used to it!"

-you never got praised

-well, at least not enough to get used to it

-not many compliments throughout you life

-that is, until you met gaming...

-at first, you were so confused...

-was he joking?

-was he being for real?

-all he ever gave you were compliments.

-he was so nice to you.

-it felt unreal to you.

-but you know that you'll have to get used to it one day.

-you woke up? he'll praise you!

-you ate today? he'll praise you!

-you drank water? he'll praise you!

-get ready for a shit ton of compliments.

-"hey, my love! i just wanna let you know that you look stunning today!" he said, sitting on the chair next to you.

-you were eating breakfast... and he was there to eat, too, but the compliment made you blush...

-"gaming... stop..." you muttered, smiling embarrassingly at him.

-"i'm being serious, my dear! you're the most stunning, good-looking, attractive, kind, and precious person i've even met! your title of an adeptus completely fits you!" he started throwing compliments at you, and you just buried your head in your hands.

-embarrased. you couldn't keep eye contact with him right not.

-"gaming... no..." you muttered again.

-"it's true, [name]! you're perfect!" he continued.

-"you're perfect, not me..." you said quietly, enough for him to hear.

-"well you're perfect, and i don't care about what you say or think or feel. i know for a fact that you are definitely even more than what could be comprehended as perfect!" he wasn't planning on stopping until you accepted it.

-"okay, okay, fine!" you finally looked up at him, your cheeks red.

-"say that you're perfect." he teased.

-you sighed in defeat.

-"i'm... perfect." you said it, and saw the big warm smile on his face.

-"that's really right! and don't let anyone tell you otherwise! not even your brain! you're perfect! no wonder you're an adeptus!" he hugged you and kissed the top of your head.

-"yeah, yeah, i agree..." you said, it wasn't true what you agreed to, right now.

-but he'll keep going.

-not until you actually believe the truth.

-you're perfect just the way you are.

~~~~~

I LOVED WRITING THIS ONE

IT WAS SO FUN TO MAKE I SWEAR ANON I HOPE YOU LIKE IT<3

one more request to go rn btw🥰🥳

[drpeppertummy]

[banging a bunch of vcrs together] werewoof tummy story who wants werewoof tummy story

[hunger, stuffing, context/setup involves medical stuff but nothing graphic]

Teddy's belly rumbled loudly, and he dropped his head back against the pillow with a groan. He'd eaten an enormous breakfast not that long ago and a snack after that, but it didn't matter; his stomach was starving yet again. Hugo had warned him that hunger was a common side effect, but he had no idea it would be this bad.

Teddy had finally had the opportunity to get top surgery, but there had been one obstacle--he couldn't exactly care for his incisions if he was transforming into a giant wolf every month. This issue had kept him from pursuing the procedure at all for years; he'd just sort of accepted that it would never work. Until, that is, Stelian--Luna's vampire friend--introduced him to a friend of a friend. Hugo, a sweet old wizard who ran a magic shop selling everything from card tricks to interdimensional elements, was able to set Teddy up with a few doses of werewolf transformation blockers. Not enough to be dangerous--it wasn't safe to take them for more than a few months, he'd told him--but just enough to get him through the healing process safely.

Of course, the blockers weren't without side effects. Hugo had run him through everything: He'd likely feel uncomfortable and restless for about a week after the full moon, as he typically would the week before, the next transformation after he stopped taking them could be unusually aggressive, nothing that couldn't be guessed. And, of course, a markedly increased appetite. Teddy's appetite was always stronger during the week approaching the full moon, but now, on the blockers, it was twice as strong the week after as well. He was astonished at how hungry he'd been for the past couple weeks. He was a small man, and his stomach seemed to want more food than he could possibly fit into himself.

He hugged his belly, feeling frustrated and hoping to muffle the growls. He knew his housemates understood; they'd figured out the werewolf business long before he ever told them about it, and they knew all about the transformation blockers and their side effects. He felt lucky to have such caring friends looking after him. Still, he couldn't help feeling self conscious about his endlessly hungry belly. He wasn't typically shy about his appetite, but this was a different ballgame. He felt self conscious about how noisy it was, and how much of their food he was putting away, and the fact that his friends had to help him get said food, and the fact that he was almost certainly going to put on a good heap of weight since there was no transformation to burn off everything he was eating. He felt like a burden and a pig, and, of course, he felt agonizingly hungry on top of it.

His stomach yowled sharply, then let out a long, low whine. He couldn't fathom how it was still hungry; he still felt a little bloated from the big breakfast Bruce had made him. Bruce was an absolute saint. He loved cooking and he was great at it, and he was more than happy to make Teddy the biggest portions he could put together. Ordinarily, his tall stacks of waffles would leave the little werewolf feeling absolutely stuffed silly for the rest of the day. Today, they didn't hold him over for two hours.

"You're hungry." Stelian's quiet voice nearly startled Teddy right out of his seat.

"Oh, gosh, I didn't even know you were here," he exclaimed, holding his chest. The vampire was hard to read, but Teddy thought he could detect the tiniest hint of amusement on his lean face. Silently, he passed him a bowl of pot roast.

"Aw, I'm alright, Stelian, really," he said, feeling guilty. "I just ate a little while ago, I can wait a little longer--"

"You're healing. Your body is asking for food. You need it," Stelian said matter-of-factly. Teddy's stomach growled eagerly in agreement.

"I guess so," he sighed, accepting the meat. He looked up at him, smiling meekly. "Thanks, Stelian." Stelian retreated to his hiding space without a word. He was far from the sweet, warm, caring type that Bruce was, or the silly, playful, friendly type like Luna, but Teddy liked him regardless. He was caring in his own way, quietly protective and viciously loyal, and Teddy admired and appreciated him.

Alone again--or, at least, pretty sure he was--Teddy dug into the pot roast. It was a big serving, and the tender, flavorful meat satisfied his carnivorous cravings in a way that waffles couldn't. He tried to eat slowly and enjoy it, but he couldn't help wolfing it down, at least at first. He was absolutely ravenous. Gradually, though, his stomach settled as it filled up, and he was able to slow his pace, taking the time to savor his food.

It wasn't until he was mostly through the bowl that Teddy really began to feel full. He slowly went from satisfied to full to comfortably stuffed, and then he began to push it, his belly growing tight around the big meal as he went at the last few bites. The heavy meat and bulky vegetables pushed out against the walls of his stomach, and he found himself struggling to finish. In fact, he nearly gave up, but, wanting to hold off his insatiable hunger for as long as possible, he forced down the last little bit, his belly aching as it strained to make space. He swallowed it down with a heavy sigh and let his head fall back against the pillow, resting a hand on his full tummy. It let out a soft little gurgle of contentment, appeased for now.

Teddy tried to set the bowl down on the coffee table, but it was just a hair farther than he could comfortably reach. He was just about to get up when a slender hand swooped in and took it.

"Oh, gosh, Stelian!" Teddy looked up to see the vampire looming quietly behind him. He set the bowl down and disappeared, and a sleek black cat hopped silently up onto Teddy's lap. He gave him an unreadable look in the eye, then curled up against his round belly. Teddy reached out, hesitated for a moment, then cautiously stroked his back. Stelian remained in place, and, feeling more at ease, Teddy went on petting him.

Teddy and Stelian were both fast asleep when Bruce and Luna came home with plenty of takeout to go around, and they took about a hundred pictures of the two of them all snuggled up together. Judging by the size of Teddy's round little belly, they determined that he'd already eaten, and they stuck some food in the fridge for later before sitting down with their own. It wouldn't be long before they'd be getting it back out, though--they were amused to hear that, even in his sleep, his tummy was already rumbling again.

[eggcats]

I got hit with motivation for a super quick, like 500 word one shot from my Housewife Vox au, so here it is. (I wrote this in like 20 minutes on my phone, so try to ignore any, like, glaring errors).

(I'm thinking maybe he's talking to Velvette, but I wasn't sure enough to name anyone so it's just someone close-ish to Vox, owned/employed by him, talking to him, here).

--

“I don't know how you can handle being in charge of all these souls when you're not even the boss in your own relationship.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I'm just saying, you're not even in charge of yourself and you expect to be in charge of ME too?”

“I don't know what you think about mine and Alastor's relationship, but if anyone's in charge of it, it's me.”

“Yeah, right. He kills anyone who even looks TWICE at you!”

“And I let him.”

“Sure…..”

“I can get Alastor to do whatever I want.”

-cut to Vox, in a 1950s housewife dress, making the world's most disgusting platter of jello with spam and mayonnaise-

“He'll eat this if I tell him to.”

“Vox, no one would even touch that, not even if you paid ‘em to.”

“He will. Watch this.”

Alastor doesn't know what he expected when he entered the kitchen, having been alerted to Vox desiring his presence by his shadow, but this. Was not it. His darling being dressed up was not too out of the ordinary, although typically he avoided others seeing him in such outfits. (Despite now having the power to eliminate anyone who would dare even think of mockery, some habits from being alive are hard to break.)

But when Alastor approaches his picture box, he's stopped when he notices the most atrocious imitation of food he's ever seen. Ears flattening, eyes narrowing, and a sharp increase in the radio static is all he can do for a few seconds as he attempts to process just what exactly he is looking at.

His Vox is not the most accomplished chef, even now, but Alastor KNOWS he has instilled some sense into him after 50 years together, and THAT….item….was certainly not something he had ever taught him.

“What in heavens name is THAT?!”

“Dinner!”

“It most certainly is NOT.”

“Don't you remember when I made this for you, back when we first met? I think it was one of the first things I ever made for you.”

“I remember I immediately tossed it into the trash, darling.”

“Well….I thought maybe you could actually try it, now? I worked really hard on it.”

“Cher, certainly there are other things you could test your culinary skills on, as opposed to….whatever that is.”

“If you're sure…I just thought it'd be a nice memory, like an anniversary or something, to show how much we've loved each other throughout the years. But I can do something else, I guess….”

Eyes widening, a light bulb shatters as Alastor grabs the food quicker than even Vox can track, and eats the entire thing before he can even react to it.

“Oh! You must have really liked it, huh?”

“I can honestly say I've never tasted anything like it before, dearest.”

“Awesome! So you're on board with the whole anniversary, thing?”

“That's a…lovely idea, mon cher. How…how often were you considering this…anniversary?”

“Oh, at least twice a month! I have a lot of jello recipes I've never been able to fully try out that I remember from when I was alive! And all of them will be just as delicious as the one I made today!”

“....Excellent.”

–

“Holy shit, Vox, I can't believe he actually ate it!”

“I told you.”

“How long before you tell him you made up the whole anniversary thing?”

“Immediately after our next one in two weeks.”

“That's diabolical.”

“Yeah, whatever. Don't ever question me again or I'll tell him to kill you next.”

“Got it, damn. Touchy.”

[bonny-kookoo]

Okay a drabble request for W.D.Y.W.F.M where the mc tries to just test Jungkook's patience to see if he was really telling the truth or just bluffing? Like misplacing things or trying to ignore him when he's talking to see if he gets angry or not?

He knows exactly what you're doing.

It's clear that you're misbehaving on purpose, always looking for his reaction every time you do something you're definitely not supposed to. From eating his snacks, chewing on things, to hiding in the house and not responding when called by your name.

You're testing his limits. You're trying to see what it takes for him to snap.

But he doesn't ever do that. He does scold you, and corrects your behavior by explaining what you should do differently next time, and yes he occasionally physically puts you in your place again, but he doesn't ever hurt you, or yell. He doesn't hit, or lock you in your room, or do anything similar to that. He's calm about it, removes himself from the situation for a moment if he deems himself too emotional to immediately react.

It's odd. You're not sure what to think.

Right now, he's standing by himself in the park you've both visited, arms crossed. You know he's most likely waiting for you, after you'd run off without looking back, ignoring him and his calls of your name. Now, you've returned, but he's not reacting to you, even closing his eyes once you're in front of him before he turns his head to look at something else other than you.

Is he mad? Probably.

It takes almost half an hour for him to do anything again, sighing, making you raise your head from where you've sat down near his feet, to watch other hybrids and pets run around and play.

"I'm upset with you." He voices out, and at that, your ears immediately droop down, almost flat towards the ground. The way he says it just makes you feel awful, way worse than any physical punishment would make you feel. "I know what you're doing, and I understand that- but I can't have you running away like that." He shakes his head, arms still crossed.

"...m' sorry." You mumble, but he doesn't respond to that.

"Lets go home." He instead says, walking away from you, hands in his pockets. It's a silent way of telling you that he won't be holding your hand, that you don't deserve that right now, and you feel terrible as you walk closely behind him, staying near him at all times the entire way back home.

Inside the apartment, he simply quietly warms up some food for you, puts it down before he leaves the kitchen. You never ate by yourself all alone since moving in with him. But today, you do, feeling not much of an appetite but also being unable to throw any of it away, so you somehow force yourself to finish your plate.

When you walk into the living room, he's on the couch, watching TV with a serious expression.

You slowly walk closer, sitting down on the couch with some distance, before slowly inching closer. Have you overdone it? Does he hate you now? He might, considering how silent he is with you. Maybe he will bring you back tomorrow. Maybe he's realized that he doesn't want you after all.

But you don't want to go. He's done so much for you, and you do like him- you just don't know what to do about it.

You want to trust him, maybe even let yourself fall for him, but you don't know if that's a good decision to make. Having been burned by other people's touch, you're wary of anyone at this point. You're not sure why you should trust him of all people. After all, he's an Idol- trained to lure people in with charme and smiles.

But it feels like his kindness is honest. And maybe that's the best you'll get.

Maybe even if he's lying it'll be the best you'll ever get.

You whine as you push yourself closer to him, trying to sneak your arms around his middle despite his own being crossed over his chest- when he seems to finally open up again, accepting you willingly and letting you even crawl onto his lap to cling onto him.

"There's no need to be such a brat with me, you know?" He says, a hand on your back. "I won't ever hurt you, or do something someone else might've done before." He explains, and you nod quietly into his chest, hands gripping the fabric of his shirt. "But running away is a no-go. You could've gotten seriously hurt, and I would've never forgiven myself for that." He sighs.

"I won't.. do it again." You mumble into his chest. "I'll be good.. just-" you cling a bit tighter to him. "-let me stay?" You ask, and he chuckles.

"I wasn't planning on giving you away anyways." He tells you, patting your back. "Not now, not ever." He reassures you, a hand patting your back playfully.

"And I don't wanna leave." You finally confess to him. "Not now... not ever." You tell him-

And he smiles warmly, holding you a bit closer.

[jpitha]

More #Aliens are Gardenworlders. What happens when a Human gets approval to live on an actual Garden world?

Day 1 Hey Diary! I'm so excited! It took something like 8 weeks and practically a dozen forms, but I finally got approval to relocate to that Garden world I was telling you about! It's so nice here. Everyone is friendly, the house they assigned me to so so cute, and it's just incredibly easy to get around and get food. And the weather? It's been sunny and warm, and a local was confused when I asked what season it was. They don't have seasons! No more ice and snow! I think I'm going to like it here.

Day 28 Huh. Still sunny and warm today Diary. I expected at least some clouds or rain or a thunderstorm, but nothing yet. It's been sunny and warm all month long. They don't even count months here! They just track the days in a yearly period! Went out to my "garden" (really the forest behind my house) for some lunch and just grabbed whatever I could pick. It was all tasty and easy to eat.

Day 62 Diary. It's still sunny and warm. I don't get it. Every day is exactly the same. All the locals don't notice or care, and when I ask about weather they look at me oddly. Didn't feel like foraging today, so I just ate some of the "grass" in the backyard. It's fine, tastes like pistachio.

Day 180 OMG DIARY! It rained today! Everyone was so scared! They said it only happens once a year or so and was all worried about it. Schools were closed and everyone stayed inside. It wasn't even a thunderstorm! It just rained for about 90 minutes in the morning, then the clouds parted and it was sunny and warm again. I stood outside in the rain the whole time not even caring that I was getting wet.

Day 200 I've read just about every book I can get my hands on, twice! I've watched all the shows that I can get off my pad, human and non! (I will say, those K'laxi historical dramas are very good, but I don't like the Xenni war documentaries). I. am. bored.

Day 250 Okay, you're going to think I'm getting weird Diary, but this can't be normal. It rained once the whole time I was here, it's never gotten too cold or too hot, has always been sunny or partly sunny, I can eat practically everything around me and get this - it's so easy to sneak up on the locals. It sounds mean when I write it out, but I can just crouch in the bushes and when one walks by jump up and go BOO! And they scream and run away. The fourth time I did it, the authorities came by and asked me nicely to stop. They said they didn't want to "interfere with any human predator rituals" but that I had to "stop stalking the locals."

Day 380 It's been more than a year, and I'm more convinced than ever that I am in hell. After that one time it rained last year, it hasn't done anything else! Also, I got in trouble again for stalking the locals - I wasn't even going to attack them or anything, it's just TOO EASY to sneak up on them. I need to get another hobby or something.

Day 420 (nice!) So Diary, I got in some pretty big trouble with the planetary authorities this time. It turns out, nobody here had ever heard of Extreme Sports before. I was just so bored, that I had a motocross bike shipped over. I had found one that was just like I had when I was a kid on Earth! It was so cherry. Someone had done a lot of work to it. Anyway, I had built a little course in the back forest of my house, nothing crazy! But someone saw me doing jumps and getting some sick air, and called the authorities, worried I was "exhibiting symptoms of self-harm." They took my bike!

Day 500 Okay, I give. I can't live here anymore. If you can believe it, I'm getting burnt out on nice weather! I did a telehealth session with a human therapist off-world and they recommended I apply to be transferred back to a human world, or at least moved to a Starbase or ship. Somewhere where things can change, and there's more going on.

[lover-222]

Puppy Dog Eyes (TAA)

...

"babe you have to get up to get up, you got training don't you?" y/n said as she turned to face him.

"i don't feel good, i'll just call them and tell them i'm feeling sick i-" he cut himself off and sneezed two times.

trent stayed home from training today, this being due to being sick. the weather wasn't helping, it was gloomy and raining. he had came down with a cold and was not feeling his best.

she nodded and looked at the time it was 9am. y/n got use to waking up early because of trent since he would be up and getting his things ready for practice. he cuddled into her and laid his head on her chest. he was more clingy when he was was sick or feeling under the weather. she didn't mind it at all.

"i'll be back i'll make you some soup and we can cuddle all you want my love" she told him as she caressed his face.

he held on to her tighter and refused to let her go, "noo just a little bit longer please?"

how could she say no to him? she could never say no to trent. she looked at his strong arms that had held hostage, "okay just 5 more minutes" she said.

once the 5 minutes were up she gently unclasped his arms from her, trying her best to not wake him up. she succeeded, y/n went into their kitchen area and started to make him some chicken noodle soup. she cut up some vegetables like carrots, potatoes, and spinach.

she then proceeded to finish off the meal. once the soup was cooking, y/n took advantage and started to clean the kitchen, although that was until she saw trent peeking out in the corner.

"you left me alone, i was cuddling with a pillow" he said sadly.

he was wrapped around in fluffy blanket that he actually gave you for your birthday last year. he actually looked adorable.

"aw i'm so sorry baby, but look i made you food. it's almost ready. if you want you can lay down on the couch and i'll bring it to you when it's ready yeah?" she said as she hugged him.

he just nodded and plopped down on the big couch. he skipped through channels and ended up going on netflix and put on a movie.

y/n placed the food on the small table that was in front of him. she sat down next to him and gave him the bowl.

"cmon it's good for youuu" she told him.

"mmm to-tired- can't hold spoon" trent said.

she playfully rolled her eyes because she knew he could but he wanted to be babied. y/n chuckled and held up the spoon with some of the soup on it and fed him. he was too adorable it was not even funny.

"have i ever told you how cute you are" she expressed while feeding him.

"not enough as you should" he playfully said.

"you have the prettiest eyes, i love them" y/n smiled.

he blushed, "stoppp i'm vulnerable right now my body hurts".

"ooooo did i just make THE trent alexander arnold blush???" y/n said playfully with a shocked expression.

trent took the spoon from her and ate the rest of his food since he wanted her to also eat. the couple finished their food and cuddled up while watching a movie.

"i think my favorite spider-man is andrew garfield" y/n spoke as she drew shapes on his back with her pointer finger.

"what?? nah it's all about toby maguire he's the original spider-man" he said.

"yeah but the second spider-man is a skater and he's really good looking" she chuckled.

trent looked up at her while raising an eyebrow, "liarrrr you know i'm wayyyy better looking" he said confidently.

y/n laughed and made him lay down on her again, "you know you're right just keep watching the movie".

"i'm always right my love i'm always right" he repeated.

funny thing is that he was right, she would never love another man how she loved trent. everything about him was so deeply admired by her. his arms and how they would wrap around her so effortlessly. his soft skin that she would touch all over. most importantly his beautiful brown eyes, that was actually the first thing that captivated her when she met him.

to her that was her weakness, she would melt every time he would look at her. when they first started dating she would blush a lot just by him looking at her and keeping eye contact was a bit difficult. she loved the way they shined and they looked even more beautiful when the sun would beam on his complexion.

she would always tell him how he had puppy dog eyes. ever since she told him that, whenever he wanted something or was trying to convince her he pulled out that trick. he looked at her and made the most adorable puppy dog eyes ever. she couldn't resist.

"stop doing that!!" she sighed then smiled.

"why?? please please please please" trent said then did his puppy dog eyes.

she cupped his face with her soft hands, " you know i can't say no to you when you do that, it's not fair!!"

he laughed and hugged her, "but you love it!!!"

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ─── a/n: i hope y'all enjoyed this :) d

[bellysoupset]

Vince and Wendy going out on a dinner date and one of them ends up getting food poisoning

Hi anon! I removed the "out" part, because everyone ignores that Vin is the best cook out of my boys and I'm personally offended. Cook!Vince for the win.

------

"Stop," Vince said in a measured manner, when he felt Wendy press a kiss between his shoulder blades and wrap her arms around his torso, "you're gonna make me spill, little miss."

Wendy's cheeks caught on fire as she heard the nickname and she pressed another kiss on his shoulder, tiptoeing as much as she could to kiss his cheek, "I can't help it, you cooking is sexy."

"Everything I do is sexy," Vince scoffed, bumping his hip with her tummy so she'd stop interfering in his plating of the lasagna, "move out of the way, Wendy."

She let go of him, moving to the opposite side of the kitchen and jumping so she could sit on the counter, reaching for the wine bottle Vince had been using to season the food. She took a sip, noticing he too had been occasionally sipping from it by the way his cheeks were rosy.

"Alright, baby, in the oven you go..." Vince whispered, crouching down to put the large glass tray in the oven and then shutting it gently. Wendy pressed her lips not to laugh.

"I'm jealous, you never call me baby."

He scoffed, moving closer and slotting himself right between her legs, "you're so not 'baby', honey," Vin chuckled, nibbling at her bottom lip and bumping her nose with his, "did you..." he pulled back, "did you have cherry today?"

"Uhm?" Wendy wrapped her legs around him, ankles locking around his ass and pulling Vince closer, "no, a raspberry cupcake earlier when I was out with Bella."

Vince made a small appreciative noise as he could still taste the berries in her mouth, going in for a kiss.

She was excited about him cooking. Wendy had heard the guys talk about Vin's cooking before and she had been told by his sister that he was good at it, but somehow she had never had the chance to actually prove it. Something always got in the way, so much so it was a running joke between them that his chef apron was cursed. Every time he had put it on, something else had happened and forced their attention.

Her stomach growled with hunger and Vin pulled back, all smug, "right on time for dinner."

He had outdone himself. Wendy's mouth watered as Vince served her a large piece of spinach lasagna, pressing a kiss to her temple, "enjoy."

For dessert, it was strawberry gelato and Wendy could've sworn she died and went to heaven, "so they weren't exaggerating about your cooking," she moaned, digging on the bottom of the serving dish, her third serving of dessert, while Vince chuckled, eating his fourth serving.

"Oh yeah?" He said, tipping her chair and causing Wendy to scramble and glare at him. She licked off her lips.

"You want praise? Yeah, this is the best food ever, I'm never cooking again. You can take over the kitchen forever," she sighed happily, setting the dish down and then groaning, pulling on the elastic of her skirt, "I may have had a plate too many."

"No such thing," Vince rolled his eyes, pulling her chair closer with his foot and the movement caused a little burp to slip past her lips. Wendy's whole face turned red as she pressed her fist to her mouth and mumbled "excuse me."

Despite her kink, or maybe because of it, she was hyper aware of every little noise her body made. Tummy growls that she found the hottest thing when they came from Vince, made spikes of embarrassment run down her spine when they came from her. Little burps that turned her on when they were her boyfriend's, made her cringe and want to run when they were hers.

"You're in your head, doll," Vince said, getting up from his chair and kissing the top of her head, "you ate a little too much, so what."

"It's gross," Wendy pouted, extremely self conscious of how her stomach was pressing against her skirt and how she wanted to change in her pajamas, how her body would look. She wanted to be hot and cute and... Attractive. This didn't feel attractive.

"Nothing about you is gross," Vince said, returning to the dining area and starting to load the dishes in the dishwasher. Wendy frowned, getting up and biting down another burp. Her stomach gurgled and she fought the urge to touch it, walking to the kitchen and leaning against the doorway, grimacing as the wall pressed on her upset belly.

"It's not exactly dainty," she said and Vince frowned, as if the thought hadn't ever occurred him.

"Dainty?"

"Yeah, cute. Girly," Wendy grimaced, another burp gurgling up her throat and being swallowed back down, causing her stomach to bubble uncomfortably.

He raised his eyebrows, "eating isn't girly?" Vince closed the dishwasher with his hip, twisting the dishcloth in his hand.

"Being a slob isn't," Wendy scoffed, "cute girls don't overdo it and get upset bellyaches and all burpy and bloated and-"

"Honey," Vince chuckled, "you're the sweetest looking thing I've ever seen and you burp. Big deal," he rolled his eyes, "how come stomachaches are only hot when I'm the one suffering?"

"Because you are hot," Wendy wrinkled her nose as he used the dishcloth as a lasso and looped it around her back, pulling her closer, "but I'm-"

"Shut it," Vince scoffed, cupping her face and stopping Wendy's hurtful following words, "don't you dare say that about my girlfriend."

She let out an unhappy noise, mouth snapped shut by his hand cupping her chin, "it's not pretty-" Wendy mumbled and Vince glared at her.

"You're not a barbie doll, Wen. I don't want you to be one," he pressed a kiss on her mouth, muffling the next words, "stop with this nonsense, honey."

Wendy let out a frustrated sigh, but she nodded, knowing there was no hope for him to change her mind with just a couple of words or for her to change his. Vince wrapped his arms around her, steering them back to her bedroom and she unhappily changed into her pajamas, purposefully picking to pair one of his shirts with her little shorts, since it easily dwarfed her and didn't stick to her belly.

If Vince noticed, he said nothing. She sat down on the bed, muffling a string of wet belches as she heard him move around in the bathroom, brushing his teeth, taking a leak and tying up his hair in a little bun. He had the worst habit of stealing her scrunchies, at this point she was sure he had more scrunchies in his dorm than she did in her apartment.

"No skincare tonight?" Vince asked, throwing himself on the bed with a satisfied groan and kicking off the blankets. Wendy grimaced as a cramp squeezed her belly.

"No, I can make up for it in the morning," she groaned, getting up and going to brush her teeth. As she was doing so, the toothbrush triggered her gag reflex and suddenly all the food rushed up, causing her to brace against the sink, squeezing it as she tried to gulp down the awful burning in her throat.

She vaguely heard Vince say something, as she washed her mouth and face, now with sweat prickling her upper lip. The urge to gag lessened, but the nausea stayed, sitting heavy in her belly.

"What did you say?" Wendy mumbled, coming back to the room and turning off the lights on her way in, so he couldn't get a good look of her face.

"I asked if you want to continue Outlander," Vince hadn't gotten the memo she didn't feel like being touched, because he reached in the dark, illuminated solely by the red Netflix logo on her TV screen, and grabbed her thighs, pulling her to lie on top of him.

"You hate Outlander," Wendy said, hiding her face against his chest and cringing when the position put even more pressure on her stomach. She hoped he couldn't feel her belly gurgling something awful through the two layers of fabric.

"Well yeah, it's historical hot garbage," Vin scoffed, twirling one piece of her hair in his fingers, "but you like the little ginger fella."

"There's nothing little about Jamie," Wendy chuckled, but shook her head, exhaustion hitting her, "I think I just wanna sleep this tummy ache off."

"Do you want me to rub your stomach?"

It was an offer she should have predicted, seeing as she did that to him every time he had even a minor bellyache, but she hadn't. Both desire and mortification flooded her. The idea of a belly rub when it was feeling this upset was hot in theory, but the mortification of Vin being so aware of how gross and bloated her belly felt overrode her kink.

"No, don't touch it," Wendy said and he hummed in agreement, wrapping both arms around her and settling for rubbing her back until he lulled her into an unease sleep.

She tossed on the bed as soon as she was asleep, freeing herself from his grasp and curling on her side. Vince was still awake, watching Modern Family on a very low volume. He could vaguely hear Wendy wasn't feeling well, from the little whines coming from her tummy, but she was asleep, so he didn't think of waking her up.

He should've thought of it.

Vince was chuckling at Gloria's remark on the TV when suddenly Wendy lurched up. In her sleepy daze and nausea, she couldn't make out which way was where, so she turned to him. He heard a soft, delicate belch and then suddenly a flood of liquid covered the blankets.

"Dio-Jesus fucking christ, Wendy!" He jumped out of the bed, not angry but surprised, it took a second before concern had him circling the mattress and sitting behind her. There was no salvation for the blankets, not after that massive heave and so all he could do was hold the hair away from her mouth and rub her back, "oh honey, you really overdid it..."

She hiccupped, then let out a sob and Vince frowned, turning on the bedside table lamp since the tv light was hardly enough. It was a gruesome sight. All beige and sticky, the bits of spinach hadn't digested at all. He couldn't help but gag softly against his hand, quickly pushing the queasiness away as he heard yet another pitiful sob.

"I'm so sorry," Wendy whimpered, "I'm sorry, I- I didn't mean-"

"Shhh, I know you didn't mean to puke on my lap," he teased lightly, rubbing her back with a little more force and causing her to gag again, another mouthful of vomit joining the mess, "get it up, honey, you'll feel better..."

Wendy gagged, harshly and then attempted to wrap her arms around her stomach, something he quickly stopped her from doing since she had covered the front of her top with puke, "hurts Vince..."

"Take a deep breath, amore, your tummy should settle now it got the excess off," he patted her back, "it was just too full..."

"No," Wendy shook her head, "I'm still feeling really sick."

He frowned, but said nothing as she gagged again and even more puke joined the mess. It was frankly impressive the amount she could fit inside of her.

She let out a whimper and he bunched up all the hair in one hand, reaching in to wipe her tears, "shhh, you're alright, honey..."

"This is such a mess," Wendy hiccupped, "and my stomach is still hurting..."

"Are you done for now? Can we move to the bathroom?" Vince couldn't believe there was anything left for her to bring up after those massive gushes, but Wendy looked unsure.

"Help me," she said in a tiny voice and he held her arms, carefully removing her from under the ruined duvet and helping her hurriedly walk to the suite's bathroom. Wendy groaned as she caught a glimpse of her ruined pajama shirt, "that's so gross- I'm so gross-"

"I'm gonna get you a new top, honey," Vince promised, lowering her in front of the toilet, "hold on a second."

He rushed back in the room, grabbing a new pj top for her and folding the ruined blanket, running to stuff it in the washing machine.

"Here," Vince ran back to the bathroom, then cringed as he found Wendy draped over the toilet, the bowl already dirty with vomit, "arms up, doll-" he instructed, carefully peeling off the messy shirt. Wendy let out another humiliated groan, eyes tearing up all over again.

"I don't think the food was right," she mumbled, looking beyond nauseated as Vince manhandled her arms in the correct arm holes. He frowned, feeling a little offended.

"...I- But I ate more than you did and I feel fine..." Vince pouted and Wendy let out a little hiccup, turning back to the bowl and spitting the excess saliva.

"Not yours..." her voice was thick with the nausea, "the lunch-" more vomit rushed up and Vince had to scramble to hold her forehead, so she wouldn't hit it against the toilet seat with the force of her heaves. He felt an odd sense of relief that it wasn't his food making her sick.

"Oh no," Vince sighed, grabbing a handful of toilet paper and wiping her mouth when it seemed she was done for the time being. He pressed the back of his hand to her cheeks and forehead, but indeed she was cool to the touch, "you and Bell had the same thing?"

"Yeah..." Wendy leaned heavily on his touch, wincing, "I need... Fuck, I need some privacy," she pushed his arm and Vince raised his eyebrows in confusion, only to be answered by her tummy growling loudly. He flinched in sympathy, having been in that position too many times to count.

"Take your time, I'm gonna go out to call Lucas, make sure Bells is fine," Vince said, reassuring her he'd be nowhere near to hear any noise, knowing his girlfriend would definitely feel better that way, "shout if you need me."

"Uhummm," was all Wendy replied, squeezing her eyes shut as a cramp hit her.

It worried him to leave her alone, but true to his word he did get out of the bedroom, opening the windows to get rid of the smell of vomit and walking to the laundry room, phone pressed between his cheek and ear.

It rang only twice before Lucas picked it up, despite the fact it was late at a night. A bad sign in itself.

"Hey," Lucas said, voice alert, "I'm guessing you're calling because of Wen?"

"Bella also got it, then," Vince sighed, "how is she?"

"Bella, you wanna answer Vince how you're feeling?" Luke's playful voice travelled through the phone and then a loud whine, causing Vince to let out a snort.

"That great, uh?"

"Amazing," Lucas scoffed, "but I think it's just food poisoning, she's already holding down liquid. I'm not worried... How's Wendy?"

"Sick as hell," Vince cringed, turning on the washing machine and leaning against it, "I'm a little worried, she's tiny..."

"She'll be fine, it's just food poisoning, Vin," Lucas reassured him, voice getting deep as he yawned mid sentence, "look, give her sometime, if she's still sick in the morning then call up Jonah."

Vince bit the inside of his cheek, nodding before he realized his friend couldn't see him, "yeah alright. Tell Bells I hope she feels better soon..."

"I will," Lucas yawned again and then hung up with a sleepy "bye", Bella echoing him in the background.

Vince walked back inside the common area of the apartment, walking back to the bedroom. The bathroom door was still shut, so he knocked, "Wendy? Are you okay?"

"Yes, go away!" she exclaimed immediately and he pulled back from the door, frowning.

"Do you need anything?"

"For you to go away!"

"Ah, okay..." he pouted, "I'll be in the living room."

True to his word, he walked out once again, but couldn't bring himself to sit in the living room when she was this sick. Instead he sat down in the hallway, battling sleep and mentally counting. If she wasn't out soon, he'd go and knock again.

Ten minutes passed with no noise, no nothing and Vince inched closer to the door, poking his head back inside the room, "Wendy, I'm worried-"

"I'm fine!" she exclaimed again, although he was pretty sure she was crying. Vince's heart squeezed.

"Honey, please let..."

Finally the door opened and Wendy stumbled out. Her face was waxy pale and she had pulled her hair back with the pink wool headband she used when doing her skincare. It looked comically out of place.

Vince rushed up crossing the room in two steps and reaching to hold her, a good thing he did because it looked like she could barely stand.

"It hurts, Vin..." Wendy choked up, allowing him to pull her to the bed. Vince let out a whimper of his own in sympathy, helping her get comfortable.

"I need you to drink some water, Wen," he said, sitting next to her and planting a hand on her back as Wendy curled up around him as if he was a teddy bear.

"No," she groaned, "it's just gonna come back up... Or worse."

"Maybe, but you still have to drink," he reached to grab his own water bottle and held it to her mouth, "just one sip," Vince bargained when she wrinkled her nose and tried to pull back.

With some ushering he managed to get her to drink a full gulp, Wendy immediately curling up even more and muffling a sick belch against the pillow.

"I don't want you to see me like this," she moaned, face buried in the soft pillow case and Vince rolled his eyes.

"You're delirious," he joked, leaning in to press a kiss on her forehead, "move, let me rub your belly."

"I'm not feverish," Wendy scoffed and refused to move, her pale and clammy cheeks gaining a pink flush at his offer, "don't touc-"

She never finished that sentence, because Vince scooped her up easily, sliding under her and lifting up the pajamas top so he could plant his hand against her turbulent tummy.

"Excuse me?" Wendy scoffed, but all annoyance melted on her face as she pressed her head to his lap and Vince gently started to knead her belly, "god, this feels horrible..."

"Luke said Bella is already keeping down liquid, you'll be out of the woods soon," Vince said, frowning as he could feel all the angry bubbles under his hand. Wendy had a soft, squishy tummy most days, but now it was bloated so much that it felt hard to the touch, "you should sue."

"I should," Wendy planted a hand to her mouth, muffling a sick belch and mumbling "excuse me."

He patted her ass with a frustrated groan, "there's no point in the belly rub if you don't let the gas out, Wendy," he moved his hand back to where it was, "I'm never grossed out by you, I love you."

She sighed, turning so she could press her face to his stomach instead of being facing away, "I know, it's just... It's just hard... I don't want to be disgusting, I want to be beautiful and I don't think... I don't like you seeing me like this."

Vince slid down the bed a little, running his free hand through her hair, "you are beautiful, Wen. I'm serious, you're gorgeous... Being sick doesn't change that."

She let out a groan, pulling back just enough to look him in the eye and Vince frowned, he knew this was an emotional talk, but it was clearly harder for her to say this out loud than he was taking into account.

"I'm scared that you'll find me repulsive and not want to be with me anymore," Wendy mumbled, as if the words physically hurt her to say and Vince's heart broke in a million pieces.

"I don't like the guy I am in your head," he chastised, cupping her face, and she widened her eyes, scrambling to interrupt him, but Vince pressed a finger over her lips, "I love you. Do you understand that? It means so much more than how you look, honey."

She seemed ready to cry, so she ducked her head, pressing her cheek to his chest, "I love you too," Wendy said in a little voice and Vince sighed, kissing the top of her head, not feeling one bit reassured. He wondered who had convinced her she'd be unlovable if she was ugly.

[foryoufics]

Fake Flowers ch8 pt 1

Authors Note: Thanks for sticking it out, it's almost over 😘

Taglist: @livingformintyoongi

Warnings: dirty jokes 🤷🏻‍♀️, hints of talking about collars and ribbons, cussing

"Wakey, wakey, eggs and bakey~," you lean over Jungkook and giggle. You move his hair off of his forehead and admire his peaceful sleeping form. You were so thankful he decided to move in about a month and a half ago and he's been helping you get back onto your feet. You both say you're helping to take care of each other, that it's teamwork, but, you feel like he has been so much more helpful to you. He was making sure you ate, and drank more water than you ever have in your life, making sure you took care of yourself and didn't just rot away on the couch. You place a gentle kiss to his forehead

"Ggukie~.....wake up sweety, I made eggs and bacon...."

He groans softly and moves his arm

"Jungguk, upa'daisy," you tap his arm, "Come on....it's getting cold....," you sigh and think for a second before getting a bright idea. Is he ticklish?

"Gguk~," you tickle his side and he just turns onto it to face the other way, "hmm, maybe here~," you tickle under his armpit and he bursts into a fit of giggles. "YN, okay stop~! I'm awake," he sits up and wipes his eyes, "good morning," he sniffs the air, "b...bacon?"

"Mhm and eggs," you nod

"You can make eggs?"

"Well, I can scramble eggs," you laugh and take his hand to pull him to the kitchen. He grabs his sheet he was covered with from the waist down with his other, "uh, go on I'll be right there"

"Okay?" You laugh, "are you going to go back to sleep?"

"It's tempting"

"I'll tickle you again"

"Alright, I won't," he smiles and wipes his face, "please just go"

"Okay," you laugh and go to the kitchen to fix his plate, "GGUUK~"

"I'm coming, I'm coming," he calls back, laughing, "can I get dressed?" He asks walking in. "What's the date today?"

"It's November 30th, why?"

"Just curious, one more month...."

"Yeah......thankyou again," you frown as you present his food

"Hey, don't do that," he takes your hand and brings you to stand between his legs, "You really think just because the contract is over you're getting rid of me that easily?" He asks looking at you with those serious dark bunny eyes, sucking his lips ring back

"You want to renew the contract? After everything?" Your face lights up

"No." He shakes his head, "I want to stay in your life, no contract," he smiles, holding your hips and twisting them a little and you hug his neck, "Thankyou Ggukie," you giggle and he rubs your sides lazily. "Come on, let's eat," you nod and go around to sit to eat breakfast with him

"So can you tell me what you started telling me before?"

"Not yet," he shakes his head. "Hey Yn..

.I'm just curious, you and Yoongi were discussing having a family? Like seriously?"

"Yeah," you nod and smile at the thought, "We were discussing names and everything"

"Was I on it?" He chuckles

"Ofcourse silly, you were at the top"

"So you two were actually like....trying?"

"No...we were going to wait, we were just at the planning part"

".....how many names did you have?"

"Only five boy names because we thought having three Taeyhung's would get to confusing and he didn't want to include his and quite a bit for a girl"

"So you were both hoping for a girl?"

"No, we would be happy with either. Girls names just came so much easier in both languages, the boy names were easier in Korean. We could be more creative without setting the kid up for struggling," you laugh, "in English unique boy names are harder"

He laughs, "How long were you too wanting to wait?"

"We didn't know exactly, at the very least until after the wedding--Aish! I never cancelled any of the arrangements we made so far!" Your face falls into your hands

"It's okay, don't ....."

"But no one is getting married?" You say confused

"I just mean, tell me everything and I'll take care of it"

"Thankyou so much," you melt in relief

"So again just uh.....just curious....if you two weren't trying yet did you uh......," he drinks his drink so he doesn't have to complete the uncomfortable sentence

"Are you asking if---omg Gguk, actually no, not that we didn't want to, came hella' close, but he was holding back and waiting until the wedding night"

"A-And did ask him to?"

"No, he wanted to, he said after finding out about my ex," you glare at him

"Sorry...."

"That he wanted to prove to me he was serious"

"What's up with the 20 questions?" You laugh

"Just wondering," he laughs, ".......have you changed your mind about any of that?"

"To be honest, I don't know....."

"......if that happens someday.....would you add his name to the list?"

"He really didn't want to, probably not"

"That's fair, he probably said it was a icky feeling," he smiles at his lap

"Yeah, he actually did say that and he scrunched his nose up," you laugh, "want seconds?"

"Just bacon please?.....You want to uhm.....do you want to maybe go out today?"

"Define go out?"

"Go somewhere with me?"

"That's always a yes. Where to?"

"We could start walking and see where we end up"

"Sure," you laugh

"Wear something warm, it's chilly," he smiles and hugs your back then goes to his room

"Wh-what about the bacon?!"

"Not hungry anymore," he calls from his room, "YN!?"

"Yes Gguk?!"

"How about you and Jimin?!"

"What about me and Jimin!?"

"Did anything ever happen that night!?"

"What!? No! What's with all these questions?!"

"I was just wondering!" He laughs, "are you ready!?"

"No," you roll your eyes, "I'm putting the food away!"

"I got it," he had reappeared from thin air beside you

"Geez! You need a collar with a bell"

"Noted, pretty sure Namjoon has one I could ask," he smirks

"First of all TMI about Namjoon"

"Is there a second of all?"

"Actually, a second and third, is it hers? And damn it I want to scold you for putting images in my head but if I'm honest I like all the images"

"Nope. Oh?" He smirks, "Noted. Do you like ribbons? That shade of red means yes," he chuckles, "so someone is inexperienced but educated," he grabs a apple and bites into it

"Fuck you," you laugh

"Sounds like what you're thinking about already," he chuckles

"Hey! I've done it a lot!" You pout

"With one sorry jerk, let's end this conversation while we're both finally feeling good again, yeah?" He kisses the top of your head

"Yeah," you have to giggle

"Go get dressed. Warm." He points

"I'll dress warm, I don't want to get sick," you put your hands up, "Can I wear one of your coats? Gguk, are you okay?" He had frozen and you couldn't make out his expression

"Y-Yeah," he nods and shakes his head then rushes to his room again

"Okay?" You go into your room to change, being sure to have your scarf and hat and eye your head board. You run your bottom lip through your teeth and think. You walk over and reach behind it and feel for the piece of paper but ultimately retreat your hand and go out into the living room

"This one is really warm and it would .....really cute with that outfit," He puts his trench coat on you then steps back and covers his mouth

"What?" You ask confused, looking down at yourself in confusion then giggle, "hehe~ the sleeves are long," you show him how they dangle past your hands

"......really cute," he smiles, "come on," he puts arm behind your back and walks out

--------------------To Be Continued----------------

[i-am-so-normal-about-radiostatic]

Some Radiostatic incorrect quotes

Vox: I was arrested for being too cool. Alastor: The charges were dropped due to a lack of supporting evidence.

Alastor: In light of what you did for me, you can hug me for four to five seconds. Vox: FORTY FIVE SECONDS?!? Alastor: No! Four to five seconds! Vox: Too late!!!

Vox: Is letting someone win at chess sapiosexual bottoming Alastor: Does anyone in this godforsaken group ever think before they speak

Vox: Do you have any skeletons in your closet? Alastor: You mean literally or figuratively? Vox: Honestly, the fact that I have to specify...

Vox: I’m gonna need a human skull and I can't have you ask any questions why. Alastor: Only if you also don't ask why Alastor: Pulls out 7 pristine human skulls Take your pick. Vox: Alastor: Vox: This one is fine

Vox: What is your biggest weakness? Alastor: I can be uncooperative. Vox: Okay, can you give me an example? Alastor: No.

Vox: So what do you do? Alastor: I work in genetic research, and I'm currently trying to eliminate all Cancers. Vox: Wow, impressive. Alastor: Then I'll move on to Leos.

Alastor: Vox... Vox: Oh no, 'Vox' in b-flat. Vox: You're disappointed.

Alastor: Oh just so you know, it's very muggy outside Vox: Vox: Alastor, I swear, if I step outside and all of our mugs are on the front lawn... Alastor: Sips coffee from bowl

Vox: Bad things keep happening to me, like I have bad luck or something. Alastor: Vox, you don't have bad luck. The reason bad things happen to you is because you're a dumbass.

Vox: Please, I'm begging you go to a doctor. Alastor: I'm sorry is this OUR stab wound? Stay out of it.

Vox: A theif. Alastor: Thief? Vox: Theif. Alastor: I before E, except after C. Vox: Thceif. Alastor: No.

Vox: You're the love of my life and my best friend, I would do anything for you. Alastor: I want you to eat three meals a day and have a decent sleep schedule. Vox: Absolutely not.

(This is their relationship fr ^^^)

Alastor, watching the news: Someone tried to fight a squid at the aquarium today! Vox: walks in covered with ink, shark fin and tail out Well, maybe the squid was being a dick.

Vox, tending to Alastor's wounds: How would you rate your pain? Alastor: Zero stars. Would NOT recommend.

Vox: How many kids do you have? Alastor: Biologically, emotionally, or legally?

(He's the dad friend. He's adopted Charlie, Vaggie and Niffty so far)

Vox: Must be hard not being able to laugh Alastor: I do have a sense of humor you know Vox: I’ve never heard you laugh before Alastor: I’ve never heard you say anything funny

Alastor: So what’s for dinner? Vox, staring at the food he just burnt: Regret.

Vox: Alastor was banned from the chicken shack, so we had to go out of town to get some. Alastor: Well, they shouldn’t say “all you can eat” if they don’t mean it. Vox: Alastor, you ate the employee.

Vox: Three words. Say them and I'm yours. Alastor: Three words. Vox:

Vox: What’s the straightest thing you’ve ever done? Alastor: sighs Alastor: I killed a man.

Alastor: I’m never donating blood ever again. Alastor: The second you walk through the door, it’s just one invasive question after another! Alastor: ‘Where did you get it?’ 'Why is it in a bucket?’ I mean, do you want it or not?

Vox: Goodnight to the love of my life, Alastor, and fuck the rest of y'all.

Alastor: Our relationship is strictly professional. Vox, sitting on Alastor’s lap: Absolutely. Only on business.

Vox: I'm not a morning person. I'm barely even a person.

Vox: Did you ever have like a pet run away and find it or anything? Alastor: I had a lizard that I burnt.

Vox, dramatically: They called me a fool. Alastor, sick of Vox's shit: They weren’t wrong.

Alastor: Two brooooos! Vox: Chillin' in a hot tub! Alastor: Five feet apart 'cause we're not gay! Vox: Alastor: Vox: tearing up Alastor: Babe, c'mon… Vox: AND HERE YOU REALLY HAD ME THINKING WE HAD SOMETHING. Alastor: Babe…

Alastor: You look mentally ill. Vox: I am. Let’s go.

Alastor: Just a minute. I need to go take out the trash. Vox: Oh. We're going out? Alastor: Wh…

Vox: Cause you're pretty and you're smart, and you're ignoring me so you're obviously my type. Alastor, who was distracted: I'm sorry- what were you saying? Vox: Perfect.

Alastor: Do you want to explain the text you sent me last night? Vox: It was autocorrect. Alastor: Autocorrect wrote "You're so hot. Please step on me."? Vox: Yes.

Vox: I want to kiss you. Alastor, not paying attention: What? Vox: I said if you die, I wont miss you.

Vox: Are you an F5 key? Because that ass is refreshing. Alastor: Are you a software update? because not right now.

Vox: Come to dinner tonight. I can’t cook, but I’ll bring plenty of free wine. Alastor: Marry me.

Vox: You are the love of my life and I would do anything within reason to make you happy. Alastor: I would be happy if you ate, stayed hydrated and got a reasonable amount of sleep. Vox: I said within reason, Alastor. How about I murder that guy? Alastor: So murder is in reason but proper self care isn't? Vox: Well, duh. What kind of question is that?

Alastor: Are you trying to seduce me? Vox: Why, are you seducible?

Vox: Alastor is playing hard to get. Vox: Little do they know, I'm a master at playing hard to get rid of.

Alastor: Vox and I are no longer dating. Vox: Alastor, that’s a horrible way of telling people we’re married.

Alastor: Hey, about that love letter you sent me- Vox: blushes What are your thoughts? Alastor: The fourth sentence- Vox: Yeah, that’s where I got really emotional and I- Alastor: It’s “you’re” not “your”.

Vox: Two bros! Vox: Chillin' in a hot tub! Vox: Zero feet apart 'cause we're GAY AS FUCK!

Vox: We have a problem. Alastor: No, YOU have a problem. I have an idiot who keeps making them.

Vox: You have to apologize to them Alastor. Alastor: Fine! But I must warn you that this might make me a better, nicer person and that is NOT the person you fell in love with!

Vox: Do you want to know your gay name? Alastor: My… my gay name? Vox: Yeah, it's your first name- Alastor: Haha. Very funny Vox- Vox: gets down on one knee And my last name. Alastor: Oh- oh my god.

Vox: Stop doing that. Alastor: Stop doing what? Vox: Saying things that make me wanna kiss the hell out of you.

Vox: My hands are cold. Alastor: Here, let me hold them. Vox: My lips are cold too. Alastor: covers Vox's mouth with their hand

Vox: I think I'm falling for you. Alastor: Then get up.

Vox: I’m in love with you. Alastor: We called off the prank war last night at midnight, dork. Vox: I know. Alastor: Ah. Okay. Um. Cool. Neat. Very cool. Cool. Cool. Coolcoolcool-

Vox: You got a date yet Alastor? Alastor: No… Vox: Well you do now! Get your ass up and hold my hand!

Vox and Alastor are in Paris. Vox: I'm…moved. I…I don't know what it is I'm feeling right now. I feel…destiny? Alastor: But… Vox: I don't know what it is. I feel like… I just never thought I'd see it with my own two eyes. And here it is. It's just there. It's right in front of me, and… Alastor: This is what you wanted to see? The bridge from Inception? Vox: Yeah. Alastor: But the Eiffel Tower is behind us, babe. Vox: Yeah, but this is the bridge FROM INCEPTION. Alastor: Okay, alright.

Vox: The first time I saw you, you stole my heart. Alastor: But I'm a kleptomaniac, so that doesn't mean anything.

Vox, talking about Alastor: WHAT THE FUCK I WAS ARGUING WITH THEM AND I SAID “OOH YOU WANNA KISS ME SO BAD” AND GUESS WHAT? THEY DID. THEY KISSED ME. WHAT THE FUCK WHAT DO I DO.

Alastor: Is something burning? Vox, leaning seductively on the counter: Just my desire for you. Alastor: Vox, the toaster is literally on fire.

Alastor: Okay, but if you're not gay then why are you always holding my hand and kissing me and telling me I’m your boyfriend? Vox: Dude- Its satire! Alastor: THAT'S NOT WHAT SATIRE MEANS!

Vox: Alastor is playing hard to get. Vox: Little does he know, I'm a master at playing hard to get rid of.

Vox: We’re getting married, bitches! Alastor: And we're about to make it everybody else's problem.

[dorothygale123]

For today's mythology sh*tposting, I'd like to give some inspiration to the fanfic writers out there by giving you an antagonist that has a beef with a certain monkey.

Way back when, there was a goddess called the Old Mother of the Waters/Shui-mu Niang-niang who was notorious for causing floods. The other gods kept trying to catch her, but she always slithered out and kept being a problem. What was heaven to do?

Call their OTHER recurring problem and have HIM deal with her! So good old Sun Wukong went down to deal with the Old Mother, but even though catching up to her was no problem (this is Sun Wukong we're talking about) he couldn’t stop her from slipping away again. Naturally this got him very frustrated, so he went to HIS go to solution:

Guanyin!

So he motors over to her palace in the Southern Seas and they hatch a plan.

Now, the Old Mother was getting pretty hungry. This running from the law business takes it out of you at that age, you know? So she decides to take a little break at a food stall and get something to eat.

JUST AS PLANNED!

For you see, the owner of that stall was Guanyin herself and the food the Old Mother just ate were actually really heavy iron chains that very painfully revert to their true form! Unfortunately for the Old Mother, she was already halfway done with her meal by the time this happened, so she was stuck with iron in her gut and chains coming out of her mouth (honestly I'd just be thankful they weren't coming out the other end...).

So with the flood lady all tied up Sun Wukong drags her to a well at the foot of a mountain in Hsu-i Hsien and locked her up tight, where I'm sure she'll NEVER cause anyone problems EVER AGAIN. There's no way this ancient and powerful goddess of primordial oceans is sitting there, steaming while she waits for escape and dreams of monkey leather boots. Nope, she'll stay there forever, just like the Demon Bull King!

..... oh. OH NO.

Sh*tpost Masterlist