#I'm literally at work and cannot concentrate because of this

[hipsternumbertwo]

If you were thinking of buying the livestream ticket for Mamma Mia But Different, this is your sign!

This duet alone 😍 the harmonies were incredible.

(Full gif set)

[chocogoldie]

Love Slip

bakugo katsuki x fem!reader

genre: fluff

contains: established relationship, a bit suggestive at one point

short continuation of Nip Slip 18+

It's been a while since the two of you started dating. Approximately three months, two days and forty-three minutes. But who's keeping count?

During your time together, you've come to learn many things about the blond ticking time bomb:

One, he's a very organized and clean guy. He has to-do lists separated into categories in his phones' notepad app, a strict schedule he follows everyday to stay in shape — not that he needs it, but getting to brag about being able to lift you up certainly strokes his ego — and an extremely neat room that stays neat no matter what. He brushes his teeth three times a day, eats healthy meals, has a proper skincare routine and smells of sweet caramel even when he's dripping with sweat coming back from the gym or from an intense training session with your classmates. ln short, his hygiene is top notch.

Two, he's a little bit of a gym freak. Not that you'd ever mind, you even find it hot most of the time, but sometimes he gets provoked by his other gym buddies, mainly Kirishima and Kaminari, to try out all sorts of exercises with you on his back. Push-ups, squats, even yoga poses, literally anything they can think of just to see if it'd work. You've fallen on your ass more than he'd like, or care, to admit. Not because he wasn't strong, no, but because you cannot concentrate on holding onto him for the life of you, always getting distracted by the way his muscles flex and how he grunts from exertion. It's a sight for sore eyes, strands of hair sticking to his forehead while his usually spiky hair dampens and falls down beautifully, framing his face. It reminds you of your first night together, so of course you wouldn't be able to pay attention to anything else. You don't mention how incredibly good he looks in his compression shirts. Yes, he bought multiple after you oggled him up and hinted at loving the way they fit muscly men.

And last but not least, he's clingier than anyone you've ever met which is a stark, and quite frankly adorable, contrast to his sharp appearance. You're working on some assignments? He's bringing you food and making himself comfortable on your bed while putting on a weird dating show on the TV, occasionally checking up on you to remind you to take breaks. You're going for a quick grocery run? He doesn't waste a second to throw on whatever clothes he can find and join you, walking around the store with the shopping cart and imagining you two as a married couple well into your marriage shopping for your little family. You're taking a bath? Scooch over, he's helping you wash your hair and back. You're feeling sad? He's bringing your favorite ice cream and listening to you vent while gently running his hands over your face, back, thighs, arms, anywhere to soothe you. He cradles your face when your sobbing gets louder, pressing his forehead against yours to help ground you into reality, to snap yourself out of your worries by murmuring “I'm here, baby,” or “I got you”. All in all, he's a big softie for you.

He often shows his affection through his actions, but sometimes when the two of you are alone and in the silence of your bedrooms, he pushes his embarrassment aside and spills his heart out. He vents about hero work, about how he doesn't think he's good enough, or rather, nice enough to be a hero, always ending up berating people to hide his true intentions and words. It's something he's always struggled with, but he's been working on it constantly with you, his friends, and in therapy. He tells you everything about what happened during his time in highschool, how the man literally died for a minute, and how much that impacted his life onwards. You listen intently and comfort him through it, crushing him into a tight embrace to remind him you're there for him as well and that you'd do anything to make him happy. He tells you that your presence is enough.

He whispers soft “I love you”'s each night before you two drift off to sleep, letting his hand rest on the small of your back underneath your shirt, needing to feel your skin against his to be able to sleep. The warmth your body provides gets rid of his reoccurring nightmares and allows him to sleep soundly throughout the night with you by his side. And he very quickly realizes he never wants to lose you. Ever.

Because he might've slipped into having a little crush on you, but he willingly chose to fall in love with you.

© chocogoldie 2024. do not translate, copy, or repost.

a/n: a little smth i came up with while waiting for the poll to finish :3 hope u enjoyed it! not proofread

[unbidden-yidden-deactivated20240]

Honestly at this point, I'm really uninterested in hearing any gentile's "critique" of Judaism.

Whatever it is, whatever you're about to say, I am 1000% certain that at least one Jew has already raised this issue in ways that are thoughtful and centered in respect for other Jews. Probably lots of Jews; possibly whole theological movements. It's even possible that this particular topic has been under active discussion for hundreds or even thousands of years.

Someone has already said this better than you will. Someone has already raised whatever issue you have and grounded it in their own experiences of having lived a Jewish life.

So just leave it to us. Just stop. You're not helping. At best you're white-knighting, at worst you're actively contributing to an antisemitic majority culture.

"Well I've never seen Jews discussing [x] topic!" Your ignorance is not reality. These conversations are happening, possibly offline and at our Shabbos tables or shuls only, but they are happening.

"Well [x] topic impacts me personally!" Does it? Does it really? Because unless you live in Israel or Palestine, no Jewish group - no matter how seemingly numerous we may be in your city or neighborhood - is actually powerful enough to affect large-scale (or even typically small-scale) changes. Our fundamentalism is, for better or worse, directed at other Jews. The most intense thing I've heard of outside of Israel is a community getting together to petition the city to allow an eruv or a concentrated effort to make a few neighborhood blocks particularly Jewish because they're within walking distance of an orthodox shul. All other issues - no matter how ugly the opinions - are something that is part of much larger social trends that unfortunately some Jews happen to be engaging in. We'll deal with them; you focus on your people.

"I'm just listening to ex-fundamentalist Jews and white-knighting trying to help them be heard and not shouted down!" So first of all, if you knew anything about this topic, they typically call themselves OTD (which I'm sure you know what that stands for, because you've been listening) and secondly, great! You should listen to them. But their critiques are not your critiques. I can go on all day long about my family and their bullshit, and I can even (sometimes) appreciate you chiming in supportively. But it hits different when you go off chattering to other people about how my family is bullshit.

"Okay fine - I'm taking all that in and accept that my critiques aren't wanted, but what CAN I do, since I am literally vibrating in place about how Those People Over There Are Wrong and cannot simply ignore them?" Best thing you can do? Honestly? Learn about Judaism thoroughly from a variety of people, and learn how to be a good ally against antisemitism in all the spaces you want us in. Judaism not feminist enough for you? Learn how to make your feminist spaces safe and welcoming for Jews. Judaism not queer or trans enough for you? Learn how to make your queer and trans spaces safe and welcoming for Jews. Whatever movement you think we're not supporting enough or not showing up for enough, or whoever it is you think we're oppressing? Find the Jews who are doing that work (they exist, I promise) and listen to what they tell you about how to make your spaces be better.

[gallusrostromegalus]

So, how exactly was the Gotei 13 formed in AEIWAM?

(The original gotei-13 captains might have canon genders but I'm going off vibes tbh.) (Here's a collection of Kubo's art of the original 13 so you can see what everyone looks like)

-----

It had started with the Clans.

Actually, it had started when Shigekuni Yamamoto was mugged for the fourth time in as many days, by agents of The Great Noble Houses, trying to influence the tide of their endless petty wars. You could hardly blame him for reacting as he did, somewhat literally blowing up with rage, and upon his return to his home office, rallying his fellow distraught men into a fighting force to stand up to the clans.

It had been quite a popular manuver for him, with the equally distraught and downtrodden citizens of the central rukongai threw their support behind him in short order. He was already well-known to them, and respected for his work. In a few short years, his meager forces had grown to rival the clans in power.

Then the Quincies had invaded the Spirit World, lead by some horrible creature known as Yhwach, seemingly Hell-Bent on conquest- which is where all of them would end up if The Archery Bastards kept shooting everything that moved and upended the balance between the worlds.

Now-General Shigekuni Yamamoto, the unfortunate bastard to whom the task of defending the largest city in the Spirit world from invasion had fallen, needed some muscle.

Why me, of all people? Surely there were others more qualified? He wondered, staring at the latest round of reports from the meager handful of his men that remained. Or perhaps everyone smart enough to actually do this is also smart enough to realize it was a lost cause and had thrown their lot in with one of the Noble Houses, and I am on a fool's errand.

Even just a handful of warriors with sufficient strength could break the leading edge of the Quincy line, and let the small army that remained slip behind them in to cut the Quincies off from their supply lines. It was just that breaking the wall of archers required at least a dozen of him.

"Word from lieutenant Sasakibe!" Shouted one of his soldiers, sprinting in the door and thrusting a letter at him. "Sorry sir I just remembered how important it was that you heard from him as soon as possible."

"You did as I asked." Yamamoto nodded, opening the letter. He had needed to stay- both to recover from his injuries and because if the Quincy got much closer, using Ryujin jakka to create a wall of fire around the city might be the only way to hold them off- and he had tasked Chojiro Sasakibe, his Longest and Dearest friend, with finding him the strongest warriors in Soul Society.

He took the scroll and opened it, reading the neat but excitably slanted handwriting within-

Dearest Shigekuni,

I am relieved to report I have found a dozen extremely powerful warriors per your request! I went on a hunch a friend of mine had, and found a concentration of MANY powerful warriors that would be willing to aid our cause, but twelve among them are particularly standout candidates. Given the rapid advance of the Quincy Army, I have included a teleportation spell to their location at the end of this scroll so you may meet them immediately.

"Incredible!" Yamamoto laughed. "Is there nothing this man cannot do?"

I do beg of you though- Please, reserve your judgement of them until you have seen their capacity.

"Ah." Yamamoto sighed. "...of course there's a catch."

Their circumstances are... complex, and this has made many of them rough and peculiar to speak to, but I swear we will not find better warriors, at least not before the Quincy advance reaches Seireitei.

I await your arrival, Chojiro

Yamamoto unfurled the scroll a bit more to see the edge of the teleportation spell that would activate when exposed to sunlight. "Sir?" asked the young soldier.

"It seems Sasakibe was successful in finding me the assistance we need, but they are apparently a queer lot." Yamamoto rumbled, thinking. "There is a teleportation spell- How close did you say the Advance was?"

"Not more than a week out, sir."

"Hopefully less than two hours then." he grunted, standing up and carrying the scroll to the courtyard of the building he operated from- it was a place used to the many comings and goings of a large and complex organization, though the little Shrine to the God of Messages and messengers had been somewhat neglected of late. Yamamoto took a moment to sweep the leaves out of the shrine and bowed to the statue within, thanking it for delivering Sasakibe's message and asking for help delivering him to his friend.

"Any orders while you're away, Sir?" The soldier asked.

"Someone clean out that shrine and make it a proper offering. The last thing we need is for communications to go down." The General nodded.

"Yes Sir!" the soldier saluted.

Yamamoto unfurled the scroll and with a flash, vanished from the courtyard.

---

With the same flash, he appeared somewhere... foggy.

"Shigekuni?" a familiarly crisp voice asked somewhere in the ether.

"Chojiro?" Yamamoto called back, and the vague shape that might have been a rock in front of him stood up, arms open. He laughed, and embraced his friend. "Good job! How did you find them so fast?"

Sasakibe's warm smile suddenly stiffened into a grimace. "...Promise you will not be angry?"

"Chojiro?" Yamamoto frowned.

"See, I was asking my friends- only the most trusted of them, I swear- how to even go about finding warriors with everything scattered to the wind of late, and well- One of them suggested that only things that are powerful are widely feared, so look where fearsome things are to find powerful ones."

Yamamoto squinted at his friend, then around them at the dense fog, the strange rocky cliff beside them, and the distant sound of angry voices.

"Chojiro." Yamamoto asked, hands on his shoulders. "Where are we?"

Sasakibe pointed up behind Yamamoto where characters had been carved into the stone cliff.

The Nest Of Maggots

"Chojiro."

"Yes, sir?"

"This is a prison."

"Yes, sir."

"This is a prison for the kind of filth that even the most bitterly factious clans agree is a danger to have wandering around. The kind that they already tried and failed to weaponize against each other. This is a prison for Monsters."

"...Yes, sir." Sasakibe sighed. "-But, is is not monsters we need?"

Yamamoto was silent for a time, thinking of the swathes of pointless destruction- salted fields and burnt villages- of the senseless loss of life- slaughtering soldier and civilian alike down to the last man, woman and child- of the cruel and twisted powers of the chosen favorites of Yhwach.

"Monsters to fight monsters." He shook his head. "What is this world coming to?" Yamamoto sighed.

Sasakibe looked away, unable to meet his friend's gaze. "Still, beggars can't be choosers." Yamamoto nodded. "Show them to me."

--- All twelve "Most Dangerous" of The Nest's prisoners had been herded together into something approximating a straight line in the middle of the rocky cavern that housed the prisoners here, though some of them were already beginning to meander, and one woman near the end of the line had, rather rudely, decided to remain seated in Yamamoto's presence. The lineup was... less than impressive. Two of the women looked like they belonged on pinup posters rather than death row. One of the men looked like a washed-up Sumo, another like an ashtray that had been cursed to roam the afterlife as a human. On one end of the line was an ancient and decrepit old man, and on the other was a- Yamamoto wasn't actually sure if they were a man or a woman, but in another life, they had definitely been a cat.

"These are the most powerful fighters in the Spirit World?"  He muttered to Chojiro.

"These are the most still-alive-est fighters in the Spirit World." Chojiro clarified.

"...Fuck it. " Yamamoto sighed under his breath, before stepping forward and addressing them properly.

"I am General Shigekuni Yamamoto of The Seireitei. I don't know how long you've been in this hole-" Yamamoto paused, sensing that something was off.

None of the Prisoners were looking at him. In fact, the all seemed very dedicated to looking everywhere but at him. Some were inspecting the stalactites, others were examining the grit on the cave floor, or staring into the metaphysical abyss somewhere just over his shoulder, and one man had pulled his very silly straw hat down in front of his face.

"-Alright, what the hell is going on?" Yamamoto growled.

There was a general unenthusiastic sort of shuffling and a distinct lack of answers.

"Remember everyone!" The man next to the cat-in-human-form spoke up while examining his fingernails. He looked more like an accountant than someone who belonged on Death Row, but the others perked up and paid attention. "-We are not to speak to any guards of visitors until our representative arrives and has given us permission to do so." The others nodded and resumed looking anywhere but at Yamamoto.

"...Representative?" Sasakibe lightly growled at a guard, whose complexion went from 'ashen' to 'deathly'.

"They um. Well. They've gotten rather close to one of the other prisoners, but she's no good in a fight, so we left her-" The Guard sputtered under Sasakibe's withering glare.

"-Miss Tsubaki was waiting at the Primary gate last I saw her." continued the man who looked like an accountant and that Yamamoto was becoming increasingly sure was armed, despite allegedly having been searched and denied any tools in his confinement. "...I say to no-one in particular." He added.

There was a moment of silence.

Yamamoto struck the tired-looking, gray-haired young woman beside the accountant, sending her stumbling back, but the accountant and the sturdily-built blonde man beside her stepped in to catch her, the rest of the line snapping to attention, eyes fixed on him with utter rage.

"Now that I have your attention-" Yamamoto started again, the gray-haired woman coughing as the sturdy blonde helped her back to her feet. "-As I was saying, the Spirit World is being invaded, and you're all being conscripted to-"

"Yachiru!" Snapped a young woman behind them.

Yamamoto turned to glare at the interloper, but instead found that the gaunt-looking woman that had remained seated had somehow apparently teleported and tackled Sasakibe to the wall behind them, one arm pressed to his throat, slowly choking him. Apparently-Yachiru's other hand had put some substantial holes in his abdomen and she paused from where she was about to stark licking Sasakibe's blood off her fingers to look at who had spoken.

"Don't eat that! You don't know where it's been!" Said a waifish young woman in threadbare prisoner's robes who could not have been taller than 4'10". She was quite striking, with large, dark eyes, sharp cheekbones, and a long aquiline nose. She took Yachiru's bloodied hand and dragged her back to the group. Yamamoto tried to keep his pace even as he walked over to check on Sasakibe, who immediately sat up and waved him off.

"...Thirsty." Grunted Yachiru- She might also have been beautiful, with her pale, round face and smooth black hair, were it not for the haunted, carnivorous look in her eye and her apparently literal bloodthirst. She stopped halfway back to the group to give a wet, hacking cough that made Yamamoto's skin crawl, and spat out a gob of bloody phlegm on the floor.

"You'll feel better when you get Minazuki back." the young woman reassured her, helping Yachiru sit back down, the others taking seats on the stone floor as well, in two neat lines behind her, the Human Cat behind one shoulder, the Accountant behind the other. "Is everyone else alright?"

"Kinroku definitely did not tell the guards to go get you." announced the man from behind his straw hat. "Also the mean old man hit Chigiri."

"I understand. Do you need assistance, Chigiri?

"The Old Goat has a sucker-punch like a rocket but I'll live." grunted Chigri, rubbing her abdomen and waving her hand interrogatively at Yachiru, who shrugged in reply.

"Despicable Behavior, hitting a medic." the human ashtray sniffed disapprovingly. Yamamoto could feel the Reiatsu of the group now, previously held in check, now starting to unfurl and growl and snarl at him.

"You BASTARDS-!" Yamamoto snarled, lunging towards the young woman, who instinctively made a fist in front of her chest, grabbed it with her other hand, and swung her whole body around, slamming her elbow into his eye socket and nose, and he stumbled, falling to his knees. It wasn't that hard a hit, not compared to what he was used to, but there was genuine killing intent behind it, much like the heel she struck into the side of his head, knocking him over the rest of the way in surprise. Miss Tsubaki's large, dark eyes were full of rage as she glared down at him, grinding his head into the floor under her toes. "Ah." He said, finally recognizing her from images in the intermittent news bulletins. Tsubaki was a middle daughter of one of the most powerful of the Noble Houses who had suddenly vanished from public view the year before. The rumor was that she had been imprisoned by her father for dangerous activities like 'Going Places' and 'Writing Letters' or even 'Having Opinions'. It was apparently true, but if she'd managed to organize the dirtiest dozen of the Maggot's Nest, he was beginning to understand her father's choice of internment. "Miss Tsunayashiro, I presume."

"I am her, and I am here in my capacity as their Union Representative. This means you do not talk to them. You talk to me." She lightly snarled, removing her surprisingly sharp-heeled foot from his temple and sitting seiza in front of the group. "Now what is it that you have brought us here to discuss?"

"Your friends are getting conscripted." he glared, slowly getting up and standing to address her. Returning the blow to a civilan, no matter who her family was or how hard she hit, was beneath either of their dignity, but a little looming was alright.

"We're getting hired." She corrected him. "With proper contracts and compensation."

"Shut up or else." He snarled, reconsidering the value of his dignity.

"...Or else what, exactly?" She asked.

Yamamoto bristled, and slowly drew his sword. Tsunayashiro's gaze flicked to the blade, following it's gleam as he brought it up to her throat, tipping her chin up with the point. "-Or you will all die right here." Tsubaki closed her eyes, sighed deeply and opened them again, gaze fixed on his. He could feel her pulse through Ryujin Jakka's blade.

...Steady as a rock.

"Alright." She spoke evenly. "Strike me down."

Yamamoto blinked.

"We are already on Death Row, General." She explained slowly as though speaking to an idiot. "None of us have families to speak of, or to speak to, for you to threaten. We're already cold and barely allowed to sleep and starving and in constant pain from broken bones or missing organs or untreated injuries. We are all already doomed to die or suffer gross abasement. You, however-"

She slowly stood up, neck sliding a bit on Ryujin Jakka's blade, drawing a trickle of blood.

"-I've been in here for the better part of a year, I believe, but news trickles in. Guards leave to replace soldiers fallen on the battlefield. Rations dwindle as farmland is overrun or destroyed. Political prisoners are freed and returned home as more popular heirs and scions are killed. You, General Shigekuini Yamamoto, need help with this war, and need it badly, to come here for it." Tsubaki continued, stepping forward and pressing a bit more into the blade, the trickle running more strongly, down her throat and into the folds of her thin Yukakta, staining the fabric bright red.

"So go on. Strike us down." She spoke softly. "Spare us the Humiliation of a Public execution or the horrors of a lobotomy, and doom yourself."

Yamamoto, quite possibly for the first time in his life, hesitated.

"If you cannot do that, sit down and negotiate like a civilized person." She said. The blood stained her entire breast now, but she did not flinch or waver.

Slowly, glaring and refusing to break eye contact, he withdrew his blade, wiped it down and sheathed it. Teeth gritted and heart unexpectedly racing, he sat. Lady Tsunayashiro followed, head still held high, though that may have been so Chigiri could lean forward and press a pad of torn robe to her throat, stemming the bleeding as she bandaged it, muttering curses.

"We're being invaded by an army of mutant humans called "Quincy" who can shoot arrows made of pure reishi, which can obliterate a soul entirely. They're lead by some monster called Yhwach, who seems hell-bent on conquering the entirety of the Living and Spirit worlds, and is apparently capable of killing small gods and Kami." Yamamoto explained, trying to stress the depth of the situation. He'd never been in a labor negotiation before, and was hoping they'd be more reasonable if he made an emotional appeal. "Kill enough of the archery bastards and live, and I'll have all your crimes pardoned."

"What a shame, what a shame." clucked the old man at the far end of the lines. "You young people just don't know how to handle things..."

"Hmmm..." The person who was definitely at least spiritually a cat pursed their lips. "Oh, uh- Chika Shihon." the bowed their head. "-It's a good start, but I'm gonna need a hell of a payday, seeing as nobody will hire an ex-criminal, even a pardoned one, and about forty more people need to die before my family will consider taking me back in."

"As well as some form of protection from political reprisals, or there won't be an opportunity to spend any of that payday." said Kinroku the Accountant, rubbing his nose like he was going to push up a pair of glasses he wasn't wearing.

"Paying criminals? Surely, you can't be serious!" Sasakibe scoffed.

"I am serious, and my name is Tsubaki, not Shirley." The representative quietly smirked at him. "Well, General? What price are you willing to offer for the salvation of all of Soul Society?"

"I want to see some proof before we talk price." Yamamoto glared at the Death Row From The Dumpster before him.

"Fair enough." Nodded Tsubaki, turning her head to address the group. "After me, who would you all say is the weakest fighter?"

The group considered this for a moment.

"Strongest is easy, its Yachiru, even with the missing lung." waved the pinup girl with the eyepatch and pigtails.

"Give Uhin some credit!" Protested the other pinup girl with the tits that were individually larger than her head.

"That's sweet of you to say Batsu-" Uhin the Giant in the back row laughed, patting the second girl's head. "-But also holy shit, no. Yachiru could disembowel me and strangle me with my own intestines before I could get off the mark! No offense little man, but I think it's Furuoki." He said, patting the straw hat of the man in front of him.

"Really?" Tits McGee pondered. "I was going to say Nobutsuna."

"I was gonna say me too." announced the human ashtray with a rough and reedy voice. "I hate fighting." "Yeah, but you hit like a fuckin' rockslide. Yeah, it's Furuoki." Agreed eyepatch.

"Mr. Otogawa-" Tsubaki addressed Furuoki the hat man. "-It's rather dark in here, would you please let in some light?"

Furuoki blinked at her, confused.

"Show the old man you can punch a hole in the ceiling." Yachiru translated for him, wetly.

"Okay!" Furuoki chirped happily, getting up and walking a few feet away.

"MORE!" yelled the group.

"Over by the guard tower!" Encouraged the large and rather jolly looking man, save for how he seemed to have lost both his lips and most of the front of his mouth, but had only bothered to replace his missing teeth with gold ones, giving him a permanent lipless grin.

Furuoki walked over towards the guard tower until the guards approached him and told him to back up, paced a bit until he found a suitable middle ground, and squinted up at the ceiling.

"Sir-" Sighed the head guard walking towards Furuoki as frowned at the ceiling. "Sir that's half a mile of solid rock and twelve different magical wards above you. It's not gonna work."

Furuoki instead dropped down on one knee, aimed, and-

A dazzling blue-green light and a noise like the roaring fires of Hell Itself erupted from his fist as he punched up towards the ceiling, vaporizing the stone above him and making all 12 wards chime and tinkle like glass as he broke through them. As the mushroom cloud of dust dispersed, sunlight began to filter in through the hole, at least 100 feet in diameter. The top third of the Guard tower seemed to have evaporated as well, and the guards were scrambling to try to control the panic.

"Is that enough?" Furuoki called.

"...Is it, General?" miss Tsubaki asked.

"...Ten Thousand Kan?" Yamamoto tried.

"That's fine dear, please come sit back down." Tsubaki waved.

"I am surprised, general." She smiled at Yamamoto in a way that reminded him uncomfortably of they way the post office cat would smile at the mice. "Ten Thousand Kan annually per individual is a very reasonable offer."

"A one-time payment of Ten thousand Kan to be split between the group." he growled.

"No." She shook he head. "You're offering us annual salaries, individually."

"The hell I am."

"Then we will enjoy watching the collapse of civilization through the new Skylight Furuoki made us." She replied, unconcerned. "You may have noticed, General, that there is a war on, and this is an exceptionally safe and secure place to be. Make it worth leaving."

"-Two minutes ago this was a frozen hellhole you were all starving in." he glared.

"Ah, but the view and property value has improved substantially in the last two minutes!" She smiled, unconcerned with his complaints. "There is no punishment you could mete out that is worse than remaining here, General, but you are not an advancing army of superhuman mutants, and there are MANY things the Quincy can do to us that are worse than remaining here. You are in a most unenviable position."

Yamamoto grimaced. "You're sure this is the best there is?" he muttered to Sasakibe.

"We could also try swearing loyalty to one noble house and hoping the other four don't try to kill us before the Quincy do." Sasakibe grunted, hand over the puncture wounds in his guts. "I don't like it either. but I like our other options even less."

Yamamoto sighed. "...Five thousand Kan Annually per individual."

"Ten thousand." replied Tsubaki.

"Seven thousand."

"Ten thousand."

"That's not how this is supposed to go." Yamamoto grumbled.

"And yet, this is how it's going." She smirked. "There is also the matter of the political protections!"

"DAMMIT!"

---

Half an hour later, terms had been reached.

Full pardons, Ten Thousand Kan, annually per individual (plus expenses), and political protections in the form of employing them as commanding officers on the condition that they "-Don't get killed, and prove you're smarter than a sack of hammers and at least half as useful."

"No for real, I'll forgive the old man the gut punch, lemme do something so you're not bleedin' all over my contract?" Chigiri sighed, watching Sasakibe write up the contracts.

"I'll trust my body to keep my guts on the right side of my skin over someone's dirty socks." he sighed. "Or do you have something else on hand?"

"Minazuki." Muttered Yachiru, leaning heavily on Chigiri.

"Oh right! I keep forgetting she does the fish thing." Chigiri perked up. "Yeah tell the guards to go get her sword, it turns into a... fuckin' whatsit, the big flat fish? Turns into one of those that can heal anything."

"Again, I trust my own faculties over any sort of Healing Halibut." Chojiro groaned.

"Stingray." Yachiru muttered, wheezing a bit. "Minazuki is a stingray."

"Alright, back in line everyone- I need you all to confirm your identities and what crimes you need pardoned, and to sign your contracts." Sasakibe sighed, standing up with the contracts and handing the first to Yamamoto.

"Shigekuni Yamamoto, Dereliction of duty and Mail-tampering, among other assorted sins." He said, smirking a bit at his own joke as he took the contract.

"Thank you sir." Sasakibe sighed, shuffling the pile of folders containing the files of the dozen criminals, and stepping up to the first one.

"Chika Shihon-" He read off, matching the drawn portrait to the person in front of him- Chika was a rather handsome young thing, with warm bronze skin and short, soft white hair. It was the gleam in their yellow eyes that made Sasakibe worry. "- Sentenced to lifetime imprisonment or death for staging a clan coup, twelve counts of fratricide and... dabbling in forbidden Kido?"

"Oh, like you've never had a family dinner that got out of control!" Chika huffed, indignant.

"I'm more curious about the Kido, actually." Yamamoto said, peering over his file.

Chika beamed and Sasakibe got as far as a choked "NOT HERE-!" before they vanished in a cloud of smoke. When it cleared, they were still wearing the same excited expression, but now as a small white house cat.

Sasakibe and Yamamoto stared at the cat for a moment, then at each other in a mutual expression of I can't believe we've been reduced to asking these freaks for help.

"Well, when you've got thumbs again, please read your contract, then sign and initial all the indicated areas, and swipe your blood across the bottom." Sasakibe sighed, bending over to hand the kitty their contract. "Remember, these contracts are legally and magically binding. Betray us, and die immediately."

"Next is- Kinroku Izuhara-" Sasakibe was interrupted by one of guards appearing with the confiscated personal belongings of the prisoners, including an entire bundle of swords under his arm.

"I understand not giving us our weapons until the contracts are signed and the seal is placed upon us, but may I have my glasses back?" Kinroku asked, voice crisp and arch. He was certainly the least ragged-looking of the group, his graying hair still neatly trimmed and face clean-shaven.

Yamamoto held out a hand and the guard placed the appropriate glasses in his palm. "Trade you for whatever you have that's kept you so clean-shaven it's making my mustache itch." Yamamoto glared.

Kinroku smirked, and produced a piece of bone that had been exquisitely sharpened into a razor's edge.

"This is a human bone." Yamamoto observed.

"Unfortunately, poorer quality than the bones of pigs or cattle in terms of holding an edge, but it's done it's job." Kinrku nodded.

"...This says you're on death row for ...Tax Evasion?" Sasakibe glared at the file as the blade was traded for the glasses.

"Yes. I made an unfortunate miscalculation regarding the loyalty of my men, so I am glad you are taking adequate precautions." Kinroku muttered, cleaning his glasses on his robe, holding them up to the dim sunlight filtering through the hole, and frowning, disappointed.

"Men?" Yamamoto asked. "You've had experience commanding armed forces before?"

"After a fashion." he said, signing the contract and biting into his thumb to finish the deal. "You've heard of The Vipers of the southern reaches?"

"The decentralized bandit gang that disbanded a few years back? I thought their leader had died?" Sasakibe frowned.

Kinroku smirked at him.

"...Oh, for fuckssake." Sasakibe groaned.

"Chigiri Shijima." Yamamoto read off, having already moved on. "...What the hell kind of charge is Aggravated Medical Research?"

"Can't make an emergency field medicine manual omlette without breaking a few bones. And causing a few disembowelments. And poking out a few eyes." She explained.

Yamamoto slowly arched an eyebrow at her.

"I PUT 'EM ALL BACK!" Chigiri protested. "...Eventually."

"Read. Sign. Blood." Yamamoto sighed, handing her the contract.

"For real though, your man okay? I can have those stitched in under a minute." Chigiri pointed her thumb at Sasakibe.

"That's some fast-acting painkillers." Sasakibe noted.

"What painkillers?" Chigiri asked, genuinely confused.

"...I'll take my chances with the halibut." Sasakibe winced, turning to the next man in line. "Danjiro Obana?"

"Yeah!" Grinned the sturdy-looking blonde man, all smiles and friendliness now that an agreement had been reached. "Lookin' forward to workin' with you guys!"

"...Imprisoned for cannibalism?" Sasakibe asked, horrified.

"IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!" Danjiro hollered, voice echoing around the cavern.

"How do you accidentally consume human flesh?" Yamamoto glared.

"Well- okay it wasn't an 'accident' per se, but look, that Ise Clan guy locked me in the family mausoleum to die, and understandably, I got the munches, and the coffins were fulla, eh... post-sapient jerky?" Danjiro explained. "I really don't know what he expected to happen. Really surprised when he opened up the door a month later and I gut punched his spine out though. I don't regret that one bit."

"You know? That's fair." decided Sasakibe, handing him a contract. "Read, sign, blood."

"Yessir!" Danjiro saluted happily.

"Furufoshi Saito?" Yamamoto asked the young woman with the purple pigtails and eyepatch that was next in line.

"I DID NOT 'KIDNAP' HIM, HE'S MY HUSBAND AND THEY'RE ALL A BUNCH OF PRICKS!" She roared.

Yamamoto blinked at her, then leaned over to read "Accused of Abducting and 'Deflowering' the eldest son of the Kuchiki clan' on her file. "...Care to elaborate on that?"

"I found poor Kyoga-kun half-dead on my doortstep after the battle of River Bo- he still had spears in him, the poor thing! So like a sane and reasonable person I took him in and nursed the sweet thing back to heath and- well, a beautiful man in my bed, grateful to me for saving his life and offering me his eternal love and gratitude- How could a girl resist?" She sighed, hearts in her remaining eye.

"-and since I'd carried him over the threshold into my home we were basically married already, so it wasn't wrong of me to ride him like a pony or violate his warranty like that! He loved it! He loves ME! AND I LOVE HIM! It's just that the rest of the Kuchiki clan are a bunch of snobs with no sense of romance." She sighed, melancholy, then looked up at him, chewing her lip in nervousness. "...You haven't. heard anything about him?"

Yamamoto considered her story, and the few times he'd met Kyoga Kuchiki- a delicate young man with a sense of romantic grandeur and when he'd seen the boy recently, he had been lying facedown on the floor and sobbing, in quite some distress over being separated from his beloved-

"...Daddy Bear?" Yamamoto asked, bewildered.

"MY LITTLE BABY BEAR REMEMBERS ME!" She shrieked with joy, "Is he alright? I've been so worried, he still wasn't over that septic infection and the war keeps getting closer-" She demanded, grabbing Yamamoto by his Kosode and shaking him for answers.

"-As of last month, he was distraught over your absence, but otherwise hale. The sooner the Quincy are dead, the sooner you can see him again. Read, sign, blood." Yamamoto said, detangling himself from her and putting the contract between them.

"Ah, Ever-turbulent but true runs the course of Love." sighed the charred man beside her. "Nobotsuna Shigyo, at your service." he introduced himself, bowing politely.

"I'm Batsu'unsai Katori- We were arrested and imprisoned for roughly the same incident and it may help to be introduced at the same time." Said the woman with the exceptionally large breasts beside him. "Um, I'll need my glasses back too- Oh, thank you!"

"The sight of sunlight is so strange after such time." Mused Nobotsuna. "Even before our imprisonment, the Lady Katori and I were leaders of a secret underground society!"

"It was less of a society and more of a Polycule that got out of control-" Explained Batsu'unsai. "Once I discovered by spiritual powers, I moved in with the great sage Shou Dokutsu, and began hanging out with and then dating other people with spiritual powers and they started bringing their partners to my district and pretty soon there were so many of us that the easiest way to house everyone was to start developing the extensive underground cave systems in the area."

"We manufactured many fine magical artifacts, so called ourselves The Under-Wares!" Said Nobotsuna.

"We actually called ourselves The Kido Union, because in addition to the magical tools, we formed a united labor front to keep the clans from exploiting us." She explained, and Yamamoto began to understand her interruption.

"I am the wise Loremaster of our people!" Said Nobutsuna.

"He's a stablehand." Batsu'unsai smiled.

"But the clans did not like that they were no longer able to exploit and abuse us now that we had allied in great numbers, and war came to our peaceful nation of Shou's Hole!" he said, with genuine sadness.

Yamamoto and Sasakibe looked back at Batsu'unsai.

"It actually is called Shou's Hole." she sighed. "He just wanted it so badly."

"I wore them down!" Notbotsuna grinned.

"Still, the clans did not like that they now had to pay to have magical labor done and that we would outright refuse their more barbaric requests, and eventually I think it was the Shibas that mounted an all-out assault on us. Last I heard, most of the Union made it out through the other exits from the caves, but Dokutsu-san and most of our heavy hitters stayed at the primary entrance to buy time. Nobotsuna and I were the only ones to survive the assault, and Hiraku Shiba had us thrown in here." Batsu'unsai sighed.

"Prick." Spat Nobotsuna. "Oh sure, when a head of one of the so-called 'Noble' houses goes around decapitating people and burning them alive it's considered 'honorable combat' and 'keeping the peace', but when I, a man whose family tree isn't a fucking wreath of incest, retaliates in a decidedly less lethal fashion suddenly its 'treason' and 'making up a spell called Penis Blast is a war crime'!!"

"-What kind of blast?" asked Sasakibe.

"He can demonstrate it for us on The Archery Bastards. Read, sign, blood." Yamamoto said, thrusting contracts at them.

"Entetsu Kumoi." Read off Sasakibe as they came to the bald man who was nearly as wide as he was tall, with the exposed gold teeth. Entetsu looked up from where he'd finished putting his glasses back on and arranged his hairless brows into something that indicated that he'd be smiling politely if he had lips. "Imprisoned for your participation in the riot at the Windroad House, where you..." Sasakibe frowned at the file. "-Attacked and killed one hudred fifty-seven town guards with a brick, and mounted an assault on the local Dyamo?"

"Always morally correct, hittin' cops with bricks." Nodded Entetsu. "-Specially ones comin' t' kill just because some people are out havin' a good time, doin' no harm to no-one."

"The Windroad House is a Bar in the 3rd district famous for it's ah. Exotic. Cabaret performances." Sasakibe explained to Yamamoto, who didn't get out much.

"You were. At one of these performances?' Yamamoto asked.

"Ah, nah- just gotten off the job and had nipped down to the pub across th'way for a pint when I saw the pigs kick in the door an' start dragggin' the ladies out and I thought 'well that ain't right', so I started throwin' bricks until I were on me last brick and then I hunted them down wit' that last brick until there were none left." he explained. "Then I thinks, 'well, there's only none left until more come from the station', so's I made me way up the road to the station wit' me brick and had me a little hogslaughter up there too, see?"

"...And you just. kept going?" Sasakiba asked.

"So's I did! Right up to the head hog's trough, though by then it were well early in the mornin' and I were tired an' had some dozen spears in me back and me brick had fallen apart, so's I dinna get hims haunches fer ham." Entetsu sighed.

"Persistence! Very good quality in a captain!" Grinned Yamamoto, handing him the contract. "You know what to do by now."

They turned to the rather comely young man with the straw hat. "Furuoki, was it?" Yamamoto asked, feeling something that wasn't hopeful, per se, but these were strong people, and deeply insane and they were agreeing to help him, something that made his heart race with a delirious sort of mania.

"Yes. I am Furuoki Otogawa." he nodded.

"-And you're imprisoned here for- ecological terrorism, defiling holy a holy site and creating a dangerous magical device?" Sasakibe asked.

"What?" asked Yachiru, getting back to her feet and leaning heavily on him. "You told me you were in here for Jaywalking?"

"I thought I was?" Said Furuoki, frowning and tipping his head with confusion.

"It says here you constructed a device over the Tenjo no Ganbo waterfalls to, ah- 'suck up the carp in the pool at the base of the waterfall and launch them, at speed, up and over the waterfall'." Sasakibe read off and looked up to see Furuoki staring into the distance, eyes watering.

"They wanted to get to the lake at the top so badly they were swimming up the waterfall, but they kept falling down and getting hurt!" he sobbed, overcome with emotion. "I just made a chute to safely carry them to the top and gently toss them in the lake! how is that a crime?"

"-because when a carp makes it to the top of Tenjo no Ganbo falls, IT TURNS INTO A DRAGON! YOU MADE HUNDREDS OF DRAGONS SUDDENLY APPEAR! THOUSANDS BEFORE THEY COULD DISMANTLE THE DAMN THING!!" Sasakibe shouted.

"Ohhh." Furuoki said, nodding. "-I'd wondered where all the dragons had come from. I still don't see why that's a crime though?"

"Gods help us." Groaned Yamamoto.

"Dragons tend to be. Kinda destructive." Yachiru spoke slowly, her voice still rough and hollow-sounding. " 'specially to little villages."

"Oh." Furuoki said quietly, horrified.

"Don't worry, I'll deal with them once I get my lung back and bust outta this joint." Yachiru reassured him as Sasakibe handed Furuoki his contract.

"You wont be 'busting out' of anywhere, miss-" Sasakibe suffled the papers to open her file. "-Yachiru Unohana! You're obligated to serve General Yamamoto in exchange for your freedom, seeing as you're imprisoned for- for-"

Sasakibe froze, staring at the file. "-That has to be a Mistake."

"What?" Grunted Yamamoto, sizing the woman up. According to the group, if Furuoki who could rip this heavily fortified prison open like an ant's nest was their weakest fighter, this sickly-looking woman was their strongest.

"The file says she's imprisoned for killing ten thousand people!" babbled Sasakibe.

"Oh, no, that isn't right." grunted Yachiru, and Sasakibe sighed with relief.

"-Should be closer to twelve or fifteen thousand." She clarified, and Sasakibe went white.

"Read, sign, mark with your blood at the bottom." Yamamoto sighed, thrusting the contract at her.

"Uhhh... can't." She said, staring blankly at the contract, then slowly looking up at Yamamoto.

"What do you mean 'can't'?"  he growled.

"I can't read." she said.

Sasakibe hid his face in his hands, groaning with pain, while Yamamoto turned on his heel and threw his hands in the air, silently beseeching any available Gods for help.

"You get what you pay for, General." Called Chika, having changed back into the clothes they'd arrived in- garish red-orange and black ninja garb of the Shihon clan- and tying their sword back onto their gaudy belt.

"I am paying all of you a frankly OBSCENE amount of money, I don't think it's unreasonable to expect basic literacy!" Yamamoto snapped.

"It's okay girl, I'll read it to you and then you can have Minazuki back, okay?" Chigiri volunteered, wrapping an arm around her illiterate compatriot and walking her back to some seat-height rocks.

"Let's just get this over with." Yamamoto sighed, glaring at Tsubaki, who only smiled serenely back at him. "Uhin Zenjoji?"

"Present, sir." Beamed the enormous man who looked like a professional Sumo wrestler- there was fat, lots of it, but underneath, an unsettlingly steady grace and power to his movements.

"Your file says you're imprisoned for Smuggling, Murder, Bootlegging, Murder, Trafficking, Murder, More murder and... one hundred seventy two violations of The Migratory Bird Act?"

"The only two I will dispute are the trafficking and migratory bird charges-" he said, delicately holding up two fingers. "-firstly, it's not trafficking to move refugees from the clan wars out of danger without giving the aforementioned clans a cut. I'm no pimp."

"And the birds?" Yamamoto glared, intrigued more than anything.

"A man may have his hobbies and his charitable works!" Uhin said, touching his hand to his chest in faux-impassioned speech. "I collect and breed rare and endangered birds- the world would a sadder place without their songs. So I have- well, had- an aviary up in the mountains where they could be propagated in peace." Uhin sighed.

"Huh. Something nearly bordering on sanity." said Sasakibe said, offering Uhin his contract.

"Got any of them- whatsit- the big kicky bitches?" Danjiro asked.

"Cassowaries?" Uhin asked. "But of course! Delightful little creatures."

Yamamoto decided he didn't hear that, actually, and turned his attention to the final member of the dirty dozen.

"Hello young man!" the decrepit old man creaked cheerfully. "I am Saizo Sakahone." he was bald, liver-spotted, missing teeth and had a spine that bowed like a fishing rod with something much too large for the boat on the end of the line.

"Sakahone like the province?" asked Yamamoto, remembering the western area he'd traveled through recently.

"...In a manner of speaking, I suppose?" Saizo grinned. "Though it's rather the other way around- my lovely wife, may she rest in peace, managed to bear me no less than sixteen beautiful daughters, and they bore at least a dozen granddaughters and so on- Why, by my one thousand one hundred and eleventy-eth birthday, I had somewhere over fifty thousand descendants! So I am not so much named after the province, as the province is named after me!" he chucked.

"...by the Gods." marveled Sasakibe.

"Look, I love my sword too but at least I take it out of the scabbard sometimes." sighed Yamamoto. "What're you in for, family man?"

"O-ho! Now that was quite rash of me, I'm afraid. Yes-" Saizo nodded, rubbing his gnarled-oak hands. "-but as you say, I am a family man and there is nothing I despise so much as someone who does violence to children. No, no, nothing more vile in the world than that..."

Yamamoto felt Sasakibe go stiff beside him, and glanced over. Sasakibe tipped the file closer for his friend to read.

"-The total annihilation of the Uchimaki clan?" Yamamoto asked.

"I was born a shepherd, my boy. My people have been herding cattle over the hills of my province since there were cattle and hills to herd them over. When rot and madness like that turns up in a line- you need to cull backwards at least three generations or it'll set root and spread through your whole herd." he sighed. "What a shame, what a shame, but it had to be done, or they would have learned to turn a profit, treating children like that, and then we'd never be rid of it."

"I saw the crater. Half a mile deep and three times as wide." Said Yamamoto, mustache trembling. "I thought the wrath of the Gods themselves had descended upon them."

"Hm." Saizo nodded, jaw trembling a bit with palsy. "Hm, yes. That's what it felt like."

"Would you like to feel it again?" Yamamoto asked.

"No." Saizo shook his head, but slowly straightened up as much as he could- he must have been close to seven feet tall before the scoliosis set in- flexing his hands and rolling his neck, the power held withing that body starting to come off him in shimmering golden steam. "-but if that's what it takes for me to go home again, then I will be the tool of the Gods once more."

Yamamoto offered him the contract, and did not need to give him instructions.

Behind them, there was a quiet but extremely invasive wet noise and Yamamoto turned to see Unohana unsheath her... well, it lived in a scabbard but it was a muddy green and unusually gooey for a sword. Minazuki bubbled forth from her scabbard, trilling faintly as she solidified and formed into a mottled green cyclopean stingray, large enough to swallow a man, nuzzling at her human affectionately.

"Huh. She does seem to have an exceptionally intimate bond with her Zanpaktou..." Sasakibe noted, then flinched as Minazuki's mouth opened to reveal a fleshy interior of writhing tentacles and strange glands. Without hesitation, Unohana shed her prisoner's robe, which was apparently the and stepped inside to be swallowed with a sigh of relief.

"Very intimate!" grinned Chigiri at Sasakibe's shoulder. "My offer to stitch you up is still on the table, unless you want to develop a similarly intimate relationship with a fish."

"Never did care for seafood..." Sasakibe muttered.

"What about Tsubaki-san?" Furofushi frowned. "Where's her contract?"

"I came here for fighters." Yamamoto shook his head, turning to Tsubaki. "But you are right that The Maggot's Nest is a secure fortress in it's own right. The war is no place for a pri-"

He stopped, staring. Tsubaki had sat down and was rubbing her feet, fingers laced between her toes. She glanced up at him, then down at her feet, smirked, and sat back, wiggling her toes. "No, I agree, the front is no place for a Princess, but it is very much a place for a Diplomat, isn't it?" she asked.

Yamamoto blinked. "I have been thoroughly disinherited from any political position I may have inherited, so I am no princess." She explained, rolling her ankle with a smirk. "-and you are, if I may make an estimation based on my training as a Lady Of Society and now that all of our contracts are signed and bonded, terrible at negotiations."

Yamamoto shook himself, trying to pretend he hadn't been staring at her arches. "...I thought it went fine? Nobody lost a hand."

She smiled, and walked up beside him, lacing her arm with his and gently patting his hand. "My dear. If bookies had been allowed to lay bets on this encounter, the odds of me losing my head would have been considered a sure thing, and the odds on my being able to convince you to properly hire us and pay us, I agree, an 'obscene' amount of money so slim that anyone who took my side would now be a very rich idiot."

Yamamoto squinted at her, trying to translate that in his head.

"...You've conned me." He glared.

"Quite badly, I'm afraid." She smiled.

"You've conned me, but you can con say, that idiot that runs the Omeda clan or the obnoxious boy with the cock's comb that follows Yhwach around even worse." He tried.

Miss Tsubaki smiled, and laced her fingers with his.

"I'm going to have someone much smarter than me write up your contract." he nodded. "Sasakibe? Can you get us home in a-"

Yamamoto turned to see his friend, standing with his robe open while Chigiri knelt before him. Yamamoto blinked in bewilderment, and then realized the woman was stitching his wounds up at speed, her face close to his navel to focus on her work.

"...Hurry?" Yamamoto asked.

"Boss if I go any faster I'm gonna sew his bellybutton shut." Chirigi replied, not looking up.

"She is almost done, sir." Sasakibe winced. "Please don't interrupt her work?"

--- It took a good half hour to get everyone together to leave- clothes changed, signed out of the Maggot's nest and their custody turned over to Yamamoto, Nobotsuna trying to smuggle his "pet" Salamander out, several other prisoners saying tearful goodbyes to Tsubaki and her taking their information down 'for later', Minazuki trying to eat the salamander, and further mayhem while Sasakibe finished drawing the teleportation circle but soon they were lined up, and as the spell activated, Tsubaki gripped Yamamoto's arm rather firmly.

But in a flash, they were returned to Headquarters, Tsubaki blinking from the bright sun.

"General!" the soldier saluted. "Good to see you again! No news from the front, but we have received word the Shihon clan has made an alliance with the Fon clan as the advance approaches their homeland."

"HAH!" Shouted Chika. "Either cousin Genki pulled his head out of his ass or whatever cousin they're on now has good taste! Mingyan is a BABE and a half."

"Nice digs, very nice." Nodded Danjiro, looking around the courtyard. "...Looks really familiar for some reason. Never been to Seireitei, but I swear I've been in a building just like this?"

The other criminals looked around the courtyard, frowning and muttering about how it DID look familiar, and not at all like barracks.

There was a distressing hurgling sort of noise behind them and Minazuki spat out Yachiru Unohana, who tumbled out, nude and covered in slime. She rolled to the foot of the shrine, and sat up, blinking at the statue inside.

"Hey-" She called, voice still low and a rough but the hollow wetness had gone. "-Why's the military got a shrine to Yatagarasu?"

The others looked at the shrine and then around the building again. The orderly layout, the way the men were fit and professional but not precisely military, the extensive filing and sorting system visible through the open doors, Yamamoto's confession to Mail-tampering, the shrine to the Messenger of the Gods...

"You know, I did think it was rather strange that you were able to rally a small but apparently quite fast and very loyal army without the aid of any major clans." Tsubaki sighed. "How very industrious of you, Postmaster-General Yamamoto!"

[the-fluff-piece]

Law frowning, having a "mini" tantrum, and deeply brooding because his s/o was like really busy and didn't give him morning kisses.

I'm literally here just thirsting over my man

Law sitting in his study, unable to concentrate. Storming out.

Why hasn't she kissed me? Is there another? I'm gonna kill that guy! He's stealing all the kisses! I cannot lose her, ever! I would even be the other guy if it meant she still kissed me sometimes!

Am I not deserving of love? Am I too broken? What's that white wall in my face and why can't I breathe?

Law realised that Bepo hugged him as he was staring angrily into nothing.

"You know she loves you, she just sometimes forgets that you need reassurance". Law sunk into the soft fur of the bear and.felt his body relax.

"Go talk to her!" His friend told him.

With shaky knees and an adorable little pout, Law went to search for y/n. He found her, working on the ship.

"Hi honey! Everything OK?" She asked, immediately recognising one of his tantrums.

"You didn't kiss me this morning" He mumbled, looking away.

"I'm Sorry, I was in a hurry" She answered and kissed him multiple times to make up for it.

Law's world was in order once again. With a spring in his step, he could now go on to brood about other things

All in all: law is a little sensitive cutie and I love him. I rest my case.

[dr-spectre]

What’s the different between hypnosis and brainwashed? Sorry, I just love your Callie obsessed and I don’t understand the different between the two

You don't understand the difference between the two? Don't worry, i got you.

Let's start off with brainwashing. In most definitions of it, it is described as pressuring someone systematically to adopt radically different morals, ideologies and behaviors via forcible means against a person's will, knowledge and consent.

Now let's get into hypnosis, it is described as a state of deep relaxation and focused concentration, where the subconscious is more open to suggestions and it's sometimes used as a form of therapy to treat addictions. It is not some stage act where you can get someone to get naked on stage, that's not how it works. It is not some thing where you swing a clock around and go "you are getting veryyyyy sleepy" and now you control someone's mind, nope, that is a common false assumption about hypnosis.

One of these terms is something used in therapy, the other is used in cults and political/military circles. The two are very different and have different connotations.

The main thing with brainwashing is that there is a forcible/ non consensual aspect to it where the individual doesn't want their mind to get changed. However in hypnosis, suggestions that are given to a person in a hypnotised state must not go against a person's will or morals otherwise the person will not listen to the suggestion, IT IS A VERY IMPORTANT DISTINCTION BETWEEN THE TWO!!!!!!!!! VERY VERY IMPORTANT!!!!

Brainwashing is against someone's consent while hypnosis REQUIRES consent and is not some form of mind control. That's the major difference between the two. Hypnosis is an altered state of conscious while brainwashing is someone's mind literally getting systematically reconditioned until the person's old morals no longer exist.

You can see now why i have problem with Callie being called "brainwashed" during Splatoon 2 because she canonically said to Octavio, "okay fine, I'll hear you out." You don't hear people who are getting brainwashed "yeah sure I'll hear out your points!!!"

You cannot use the word brainwashing for Callie's circumstance because her dialogue in the relationship chart literally goes against the definition of the word itself and using that word treats Callie more as a damsel or object rather than a character who just needs help. I'm tired of Splatoon fans and casuals pushing that word around towards my comfort character when there's a ton of evidence to say otherwise. I am getting REALLLLLLLLLL FUCKING TIRED....

"But Marie sai-" I know, she said "brainwashing sunglasses" in the English version I KNOW!!! From her perspective she would obviously think Callie was brainwashed by the shades, she has no other information to go off of, doesn't mean she is right and WE SHOULD BLINDLY TRUST HER PERSPECTIVE!!!!!!!!! YOU'VE EVER SEEN AN OVERREACTING FAMILY MEMBER BEFORE?!?!

Callie was hypnotised, full stop. Nothing more. Nothing less.

The whole "i remember" thing is not because the shades brainwashed her and removed her memories, it's just that Callie is in a mentally ill state PLUS in a hypnotic state where she's very concentrated and focused. The shades being shot off of her is like you writing an essay in class and someone smacks your eye. Callie looks like she has a headache and it takes a while for Callie to ""come back to her senses"" where she starts thinking a little bit more rationally. Her hearing the Calamari Inkantation floods her brain with good memories and positivity as the song has mysterious and mystical elements to it, Callie gets pumped up and all of that darkness in her head clears away and she goes "i remember! YEAH!!!"

The ONLY character you can argue was brainwashed in the Splatoon universe, is Agent 3. That's the ONLY ONE i may allow.

But even then they say "they have been hijacked." As in Tartar has taken direct control over Agent 3's body and it's not reallyyyyy brainwashing because Agent 3 was unconscious and probably had zero idea on what was going on until they woke up on the helicopter at the end of Octo Expansion.

What about Marina Agitando? Possessed by an ai after getting knocked unconscious. Not brainwashed or hypnotised!!! Marina was asleep during her time as Marina Agitando.

CAN WE STOP THROWING WORDS AROUND LIKE THEY MEAN NOTHING!?!? Stop using that word to describe "Splatoon character but evil." No. Enough. ENOUGH!!!!!!!! STOP!!!!!!!!! I AM GETTING SICK OF IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(I'm not yelling at you anon btw lmao. I'm yelling at everyone else, thank you for the ask!)

[weewookinard]

Love letters anyone?

It's been a while since I've written pretty much anything and I'm so sorry about it. I've had some great times (like the paralympics, a new cat, great restaurants with my friends, starting work again) as well as not so many great times (tiredness, RSD, the cats fighting, dysphoria, bipolar disorder making me depressive lmao)

But! Today on the bus I wrote a new letter! There is still prompts I need to write about but this one was on my mind. The game is simple, you can send me a word and I'll use it as an inspiration for a love letter from Tommy to Buck!

You can find the new letter on AO3 or after this ❤️

Disclaimer, Tommy is horny lmao

-----

My sexy as hell boyfriend,

The sounds you made last night still resonate on my mind. They are haunting me, not leaving a single space for any other thought. I am literally incapable to concentrate on anything but the memory of your moans on the silence of your loft. It makes me stupid really.

We waited and I am happy that we did. But I can be honest with you now: sleeping next to you, seeing your beautiful body, being able to touch and kiss it, all of that while restraining myself to fuck you properly has been hell. You have been my personal little hell since we met. Do you know how hot you are? Making me burn with each word, each smile, each whisper. Flames destroying not only my mind and my heart, but my guts too.

Of course you know, the size of your jeans are really telling, Evan. I ask myself sometimes if you do it to make me weak, to make my mind shut down.

Do you want me to die of lust?

Do you have any idea what effect you have on me?

Do you find it funny to make me horny in public space?

Today I asked to stay on the ground. I cannot imagine being up there, not when I already touched the clouds with you. I always loved flying you know. And as much as I also loved sex, the sky has always been my favorite place on earth.

But now I'm here, thinking about you. About being in your arms, both naked, on a bed. No matter which bed, which home, which lifetime. As long as I'm with you.

This shift might be the hardest of my life sweetheart. Because you are everywhere I look, and nowhere I can touch. And only remains the absence of your warmth around my cock and the want. This voracious want.

I'm on my bunk bed, writing on my phone while all the others are sleeping. I'm pretty sure I'm blushing in the dark, nervous they would wake up and find me in a compromising state. I feel so dumb you know, like some horny teenager. It's the first time I actually write the word cock on a letter. Because yes, I will rewrite all of this on paper when I'll get the chance to. But I couldn't wait, couldn't risk losing this thing you make me feel.

I couldn't risk not to remember everything I'm thinking right now. Because you need to know, Evan, how you make me alive again.

Thinking about my mouth on your mouth,

Tommy

Tagging the friends ❤️

@searching-for-the-moon @herrmannhalsteadproduction @johanna-swann @captainwitharedstar

@goldenhxurs @girlwonder-writes @desert--moonchild @kinardsevan

@kinkley-are-adorkable-flirts @bangpop91 @v88sy @theotherbuckley

@rdng1230 @thatmexisaurusrex @judymarch15 @leandra-winchester

[back-on-my-autistic-bullshit]

Full Moon Stolitz thoughts

Alright I'm getting on this shit because I am obsessed with Stolitz unironically. Before I start this I want to be absolutely clear that (in my opinion) there is no "right" side in the overall situation between Blitz and Stolas. Both equally have problems that contribute to their miscommunication and I can sympathise with both of them. If you disagree, feel free to ignore this post and scroll on, I don't mind friendly debate with people I know well but strangers on the internet are a different story.

I do generally project heavily onto Blitz which yeah probably impacts my interpretation of this a lot but I'm just a guy on tumblr I'm not here to be 100% right I'm just posing my take on their behaviours etc etc

Mandatory Disclaimer: spoilers start below! Do not click read more if you care about spoilers for The Full Moon episode of Helluva Boss

That all said, I'm splitting this into three parts:

Blitz's behaviour throughout the episode

Stolas' behaviour throughout the episode

Blitz and Stolas' confrontation/argument/interaction at the end of the episode

Part One: Blitz's behaviour

Starting off with "When I See Him", the basics of it (that is played up a bit for comedy and more or less directly stated really at the start) is that Blitz is obviously covering up how he really feels by concentrating entirely on the sex he anticipates having, and acting like that is what is important to him.

Are we okay? Can't really say I'm getting by By avoiding his questions It's so complicated, I hate when it's complicated Why do I always end up in situations that are complicated?

Blitz knows there is something wrong, or off, between the two of them but he'd rather not talk or communicate about it - literally preferring to avoid the topic entirely because "complicated" = bad, and he has no idea how to fix that, despite the fact that most of his relationships have been and/or are still complicated, he doesn't know how to deal with that because he never learnt. He's started to with Fizz a bit at the very least, but he's definitely not in a place to do that with romantic relationships yet - but I digress.

Here I go again, getting in my head So I'll focus on the sexy stuff instead

Not too much to say about this part other than he is actively choosing to disregard his anxieties and worries about him and Stolas by putting on this mask of caring about the sex and nothing else. Honestly, not a surprise with Blitz, this is pretty average behaviour and is very much likely a common coping mechanism of his to avoid serious feelings when engaging in relationships of a romantic nature. Especially since he seems to place a lot of value in himself in how good he is in bed.

When I see him, I'm gonna do that thing he likes No need to change things, I'll just bring the ropes and spikes[/spice*] We've got a nice arrangement And it's working out just fine We'll keep it light

Can't wait to lose ourselves in nasty sex And make that bird squawk We'll just stick with what makes sense

Same as above, he's going to what's familiar and directly deciding he'd rather ignore any issues they have and not talk about them in favour of doing what they normally do on full moons and call it a night.

*my audio processing disorder really did not like that line, and I cannot completely tell if that's right - any mistakes in lyrics or other quotes from the show before or after this are almost definitely because of this so please feel free to correct me.

Moving on from the song, some things Blitz does or says during the conversation with Moxxie and Loona in the office that stick out to me.

It's the full moon, I gotta meet up with Stolas tonight. Felt like dressing up a little since it's been a few months since I've been inside his feathered ass.

This is personally really interesting to me since he's not been known to dress up explicitly to see Stolas before (excluding the posts that have been seen on the instagram accounts but I'm hesitant to count those as 100% hard canon, and they were outfits of a different variety - not a bowtie and suspenders as he's seen wearing in the episode). It's like he's trying very hard to impress him for.. some reason? I'm guessing he sees it as part of his whole plan to really sort of wow Stolas, get in there, get out, no touchy feely stuff. It comes off as the opposite to me though, it shows that he kind of values what Stolas think of him and his appearance - and that he wants to impress Stolas. This could just be him trying to prove his worth to Stolas so he doesn't get cast aside, but it could also be more.

This facial expression is very important to me. It's a split second frame of vulnerability in response to Loona saying the following:

Oh shit, he's getting bored of you.

This is genuine worry and concern on his face, he tried to cover it up with a smile but he is concerned. And yes, it could just be about losing the book, it probably is in part but I think it's more than that.

Loona also says this:

Yeah, man. If someone wants to see you less and less, big red flag. If they give you chances to ditch, they probably want out themselves. Just wanna be more passive aggressive about it, dicks.

When she says this Blitz reacts very on the defensive, repeating what she said mockingly and saying this:

How do you know, Loona?

It's a very defensive reaction and I'd bet he feels at least a little bit bruised and hurt at the thought of Stolas getting "bored" of him - which probably does not help at all with how he's struggling with how he currently feels about Stolas between the agreement for the book and not seeing him in a while.

Immediately after this interaction, he literally leaves his job (which like, yeah, he is own his boss I Guess he can do that whenever he wants but I can't imagine he does it a lot, I Hope, unless he thinks it's important) and goes shopping for more things to impress Stolas. It's a lot of effort to put into someone you don't really super care about, all things considered but let's just go with the devil's advocate here that it's not to lose the book and it doesn't really mean anything. Although I do find his choice to look at candles first interesting, assuming it's not for something else (resident sex repulsed asexual is struggling with thinking about that kind of thing - despite watching helluva boss lmao), Stolas seems to like candles. If I remember correctly, he has some near his bath.

An interesting detail for Blitz to know/remember/take into account, for someone he allegedly does not care about. Anddd that's it for Blitz's scenes in this episode.

Part 2: Stolas' Behaviour

Like with Blitz, I'm gonna focus on how Stolas acts in "When I See Him" first, then move on to what we see of him alone in the rest of the episode (which there's very little of, I think, unfortunately).

The summary of what I think of Stolas in this song is he clearly has a somewhat fairytale view of his relationship with Blitz still (which is only emphasised by how the song is disney princess like in nature), thankfully he knows he has to let him be separate from the terms of their agreement and has found a way for this to occur without horribly impacting Blitz's business. However, he (at least, at first) seems to think after this happens everything will go fine and be perfectly okay and happily ever after, or more likely hopes that is how the situation will end up - but we see more of his worries later on so he's evidently not completely deluding himself.

My derring-do is half disguised Behind a smile

I don't have a lot to say about this just that it shows Stolas is obviously aware that Blitz is performing at least a little when he's with him.

I swore I wouldn't dwell on the divorce

This line just interests me more than anything, it's understandable that he doesn't want to think about the divorce. God knows I wouldn't want to, but's it intriguing to see he's attempting to distance himself from it - I hope we see more about this in the future episodes, maybe.

So for my own health I'll remind myself That when I see him I know that it won't feel so tough I'll believe him And not the voice that says I'm not enough No need for an arrangement It can just be him and me I'll see us free How perfect it could be When I see him tonight

This bit is very sweet honestly, Stolas clearly yearns to be closer to Blitz - and he's trying his best to facilitate that. He just wants genuine connection and love, something he couldn't experience in his marriage with Stella. Stolas is obviously nervous and has some self worth issues to say the least, but he deals with them differently to Blitz. In fact, he finds that being with Blitz helps combat these (likely because he feels loved and/or wanted by someone).

Unrelated to dissecting the episode and the like, the voice acting for this part was incredible and I love the way Stolas' VA (his name has slipped my mind atm) conveys emotion in his voice - even while singing. He sounds very hopeful, yet the cracks and wobbles suggest how nervous he feels for the interaction with Blitz, even if he's currently acting as if he thinks it will end well.

Oh god I'll fucking die alone if this goes bad tonight

This bit really just kind of shows how nervous he does feel about talking with Blitz about giving him the crystal. And that he is scared it'll go wrong, it's nothing too crazy.

The detail of him having none of the medication he takes left is interesting to me though, just that he's still taking it, I guess - could suggest he's still struggling with anxiety etc etc.

Am I doing something I can't take back? Would he want me if he was free? And if he's only here as a prisoner What kind of a monster does that make me

Stolas is clearly feeling a lot of guilt for his past treatment of Blitz, and fear that his feelings aren't reciprocated - but it seems like he's more scared that he's been taking advantage of Blitz, than the thought that Blitz doesn't like him.

My entire life's been written in stone He taught me that I could choose

Blitz is the first person he really chose to meet or associate with, as a child and as an adult. There was no obligation to know him or socialise with him, or to be his friend (or more). In fact, it was discouraged if anything but Stolas chose to do it anyway - and it helped him realise he could do what he wanted, and gain the confidence to do so.

Part 3: Blitz and Stolas' confrontation

Stolas' body language here kills me, he's so nervous for what he's about to do, and despite his hopeful song early he's eerily somber - as if he knows this will end badly.

Blitz looks so afraid here, he's gone through all of this effort to try to impress Stolas and keep him from getting "bored" of him. Part of this is probably because he doesn't want to lose the connection he and Stolas have but honestly it's largely probably the fear of losing the book and his business that he's worked so hard for. Blitz is an incredibly ambitious person, and he's put a lot of blood, sweat and tears (mostly blood) into I.M.P and to have it taken away because of someone else due to not being good enough for them is probably one of his worst fears.

Blitz's immediate switch to trying to seduce Stolas is slightly jarring, but not all that surprising considering how this whole thing started. Blitz is desperate, trying anything to prove to Stolas he's worth keeping around. Meanwhile Stolas looks resigned, as if realising it really was just a performance for Blitz the entire time.

Stolas, please, I- I need this book. Please, I need this book, Stolas. I will do anything.

The immediate switch to begging, mixed with tears, took me off guard honestly. I didn't expect to see him do that but it makes sense considering how badly he treasures I.M.P and he really is just at the whim of Stolas and it could all collapse at any given moment.

I don't understand, why are you giving me this? Am I not like, fucking you good enough? Because I can- I can always do better.

This being Blitz's immediate reaction to getting the crystal from Stolas is upsetting. I was on the verge of tears here, he can't even comprehend that Stolas might genuinely want to give him a gift, not because Blitz isn't good enough, but because Stolas wants him to be independent. Blitz has never viewed himself as "good enough" for people and he puts on a lot of performances to convince himself he's worthy of being associated with others. This probably feels like, to him, a convoluted way of "getting rid" of him, instead of giving him freedom so he and Stolas can interact with less of a power imbalance.

This in an interesting roleplay, never done this one but I can get into it. How's this? Oh, Stolas, I'll stay with you, I love you soo much.

Blitz's immediate response to Stolas' confession being one of disbelief leading him into thinking it's some sort of roleplay or pretense because he can't possibly believe that anyone would actually love him is honestly worse case scenario and probably where all of this starts going downhill.

I have my answer, Blitz. You needn't say anything. I have wanted you, for so long. The fact that you couldn't believe that I might have these feelings about you, that your first instinct is that it's always about... sex. That's enough to know what this is.

This right here, is terrible. Miserable, even. Communication is starting to break down, Stolas doesn't realise or understand Blitz's point of view and I certainly cannot blame him for getting upset but how these two are communicating yet somehow falling victim to miscommunication at the same time is impressive at this point. They're both getting emotional, and it's fucking everything up but to be fair no one can remain 100% logical, this is nerve wracking and stressful for them both.

What? Fuck you, Stolas. You spring this feelings bullshit on me, are you fucking kidding? Can I get a fucking minute to think after everything you've put me through, you pompous rich asshole? Treat me like one of your little butler imps, you can't just dismiss me like that! I mean, you royal fucks think you can do this every time, like you can just play with our feelings because we're smaller and not as important! Well, I'm not letting you, bitch! Let's go!

This, this is incredibly cathartic in a weird way. It's not good by any means but for Blitz these bitter feelings have probably been somewhat simmering beneath the surface for a while and he hasn't been able to express them because of the nature of his and Stolas' relationship. The way he's phrasing this makes me wonder if he has previous experience with a royal demon doing this to him outside of now, and Stolas' father hiring him to be Stolas' friend when he was a child. It wouldn't be too unreasonable but putting that aside for a moment. The anger and lashing out here is probably a defense mechanism on his part, every time something has got vulnerable or upsetting in the past in this show Blitz always seems to get angry (an example that comes to mind at the minute is when Cash was celebrating Fizz's birthday - at the time he didn't say anything to Fizz but he stormed off, angry. Another one could be probably a few of his interactions with Verosika. I'd have to rewatch the show to find something more particular). The point is Blitz lashes out instead of being open and vulnerable, he doesn't mean or genuinely think any of this - and immediately regrets it as soon as he says it. But it's too late, it's been said.

Stolas flinches or pauses when walking a handful of times during this rant from Blitz, each time whenever he has an insult. Before he has even said anything it's immensely clear Stolas is very hurt by this.

Blitz. I think so very highly of you, I didn't realise you think so low of me.

This is the regret I was talking about, it's probably helped along by Stolas admitting he thinks highly of Blitz but god - he is crushed. And he immediately tries to apologise but Stolas teleports him out of there before he can even process it, leaving us on a terrible cliffhanger.

God, it's a fucking mess. They're a mess I'm so scared for the next episode and how they are even going to fix this. Someone get these gay demons a therapist, please, I beg.

All in all, ow my feelings, this episode hurt, I did cry. Stolitz have mastered the art of miscommunication, but that is hardly news. Blitz seems to have got a genuine wake-up call, sort of similar to how he did with Fizz and I'm hoping that kickstarts something to help him improve, because he does need to. At the same time, Stolas has kinda fucked up here, and does need to give Blitz more time to process since I imagine this is very fucking shocking to him. It's all one biggggg mess and god knows how it'll work out but I'm looking forward to finding out and hopefully not having my heart ripped out and spat on by the end of this season.

[girl-named-matty]

Answering 100 ship questions about Ambrollow

Tags: Fluff, relationship stuff, mentions of intimacy (nothing graphic), all characters are above 18+. This is literally me just answering the questions from this post because I like all of them and I also like Ambrollow so I'm going to torture everybody by blabbing about them. And buckle up because this sucker is LONG.

-Who fell first? Who fell harder? Imma have to say Sebastian for both. He fell harder because it took Matty a while to realize that she was in love with him. Her anxiety told her that maybe she'd mess up the friendship if he didn't feel the same way. However, once they're dating she's entirely infatuated with him.

-Who is the one who fusses the most? Does their S/O mind very much? It really depends on what it is. They both kinda fuss about stupid stuff sometimes LOL.

-What's their love language? Matty: Quality time. Sebastian: Physical touch.

-Has either ever gotten a hickey off of each other? What was their reaction? I'm sure it'll happen eventually, however certainly not in school LOL. But there was this one time in seventh year where Sebastian bit her neck because he's a little crap and wanted to be annoying. But he didn't know how much she hated mouths around her neck so she accidentally slapped him so hard it left a handprint. So his cheek was red and she had a bitemark on her neck 😂

-What's something they like to do together? Anything really. Sebastian doesn't care as long as he's with her. Usually Matty want's it to be something enjoyable, but again, she doesn't really care as long as she's with him.

-Who would ask the "would you love me if I were a worm?" question? How would their S/O answer? Sebastian 100% asks it. And Matty tells him yes.

-Who likes forehead kisses? Who likes hand kisses? Who likes neck kisses? Well we already know Matty hates neck kisses. She will flail around if he even tries. 💀 But she LOVESSS forehead and hand kisses. Sebastian likes all three. He doesn't care as long as she's kissing him LOL.

-Who is the big spoon? Who is the little spoon? On average, Matty is usually the little spoon and Sebastian is usually the big spoon. But if he has a hard day at work or something, he's usually the little spoon because Matty want's to cuddle him and make him feel better LOL. -If there wasn't enough seats, how would they sit? One on the other's lap? One on the armrest? One on the floor in front of them? At that point Matty is just flopping on Sebastian no matter what, just to annoy him LOL. Eventually she'd end up situated on his lap but that's AFTER he's like "pls help I cannot breathe."

-Who plays with whose hair? Usually Matty plays with Sebastian's hair. Sebastian LOVES it but he also LOVES to play with hers. However, Matty is partial to that. It feels great, HOWEVER, she has curly hair and it takes forever to style so if he messes up her curls she gets mad.😂

-Who is clingy? Both of them HAHA. However Matty is more "emotionally" clingy and Sebastian is more physically clingy. Sebastian needs physical reassurance while Matty needs more of an emotional reassurance.

-What is something that their S/O does that makes them flustered? For the entire time Sebastian has known Matty, the simplest gesture of her biting her lip when she's concentrated has always gotten him flustered for some reason. In class, he'd look over at her to see her looking at her paper with her bottom lip in between her teeth trying to figure something out and his cheeks would go red. He has know idea why, it just happens.

Matty gets flustered when Sebastian just exists. IM KIDDING, kinda. She's 5'8" by they time she's 18 and so she gets used to being pretty tall. However, Sebastian hits a growth spurt too and he's 6'2", so the mere fact that he's that much taller than her gets her a little flustered whenever he's standing over her.

-What is something they find hot about their S/O? Matty loves Sebastian's hands and forearms. She doesn't know what it is, she just loves his hands. And she thinks his dimples are cute.

Sebastian loves Matty's eyes. He finds them very attractive. Or just her face in general because he just thinks she's hot. Enough said LOL.

-What is something they argue about constantly? Is it a deep-seated issue or small? When they first moved in together, they had a plant named Barnaby in their house. They took turns taking care of it but it eventually died and they argued about whose fault it was. It was on both of them but they still argue about it even when they're old. 😂

-How do they comfort one another when the other is upset? It entirely depends on the situation tbh. But usually Matty is more consistent in the way she comforts Sebastian, usually because Sebastian only gets upset over serious matters, or things that really mean something to him. So usually there's a lot of solid communication, her reassuring him, etc...

There are two main ways Sebastian comforts her. If it's about something serious, he's usually trying to reassure her about things, gentle touches, calming words yk? However if she's upset about something less serious or silly, he's usually trying to crack jokes to make her feel better. Or just doing silly things to distract her from the fact that she's upset lol.

-Who is the better caretaker? Does their S/O like being taken care of? They are both equally good caretakers. Matty stems from the fact that she has lots of cousins or just younger children around her in general, so she grew up taking care of them. She also grew up taking care of the sick in her area. Sebastian is a good caretaker because of how much he had to take care of Anne when she was cursed. Or just in general throughout their childhood. So Seb and Matty take care of each other a lot and they both love it.

-Who steals whose clothes? Does their S/O mind. Because of the obvious size difference, Matty steals Sebastian's clothes more often. He LOVES it though so he doesn't mind.

-They've had a major blowout. How do they handle it? (Assuming that this means an event with massive impact, whatever it may be). Matty and Sebastian have both already dealt with things like this over the time that they've known each other. So they're pretty good at handling it already.

-How good are they at communication? Pretty decent, to be honest. Sometimes it takes a while for them to open up about things but because they were good friends before their relationship, it was much easier to open up. And Matty also becomes and Auror so she understand that doing something without proper communication is basically useless. So she's keen on communicating with her husband.

-Who handles spiders? Who scream's directions in the background? Neither of them are afraid of spiders, so it's actually turned into a competition of who can kill the spider first. 😂

-Who typically tends to initiate intimacy first (this can be a conversation, action, or anything)? They're both really good at it, to be honest. They both start conversations, acts, etc... They love each other and so they have no problem initiating anything most of the time.

-What is something- either character - does not like about the other? Sebastian forgets details about things he's not 100% focused on ALL the time. Matty doesn't hate that about him, however it does get her frustrated since she retains a LOT of the information she's told. So she usually has to remind him about things a lot.

Sebastian does not like the fact that she reminds him so often LOL. He swears he doesn't forget nearly as much as she says he does, but in reality he does. 😂

-Who said I love you first? Platonically? Matty. Romantically? Sebastian.

-Who kissed who first? Technically it was both of their first kiss and it was a mutual thing, however Sebastian technically initiated it because he asked her if he could kiss her.

-Do they have any pet names for each other? Outside of the usual ones? No, not really. Unless you count Matty's name as a nickname in general LOL. There are sometimes where Sebastian will call her by her real name and it feels like a nickname lol

-Who gets jealous more often? How does their S/O deal with that? Sebastian is naturally the more jealous person. He hasn't had much in his life, so when he has something he never wants to let go of--like his literal wife--he gets possessive over that. But it's not in an unhealthy way. He's not weird about it or anything. However he is decently protective over her.

-Who tends to drive on long journeys? Who navigates? Sebastian drives, Matty gives directions. Sebastian can stay awake for longer, hence why he's the designated driver for long drives. And Matty's sense of direction is much better than his LOL.

-Do they trust one another? Are they comfortable discussing their fears with one another? They trusted each other a lot WELL before their relationship ever started. So yes.

-What's an insecurity they hold about their relationship? Sebastian: That he's not a good husband/father to their kids. He hardly remembers his father. And although his father was a good husband to his wife and a good father to seb and anne, Sebastian hardly remembers it. Merlin knows Solomon was a terrible guardian, so he's always afraid that he's not being a good enough husband or a good enough father to his kids. Clearly, that's not the case, but it's a fear he has.

Matty: That she's not doing everything she can in her relationship. Matty is a perfectionist and the type of person to take on others challenges so that they won't. She's stuck in constant loop of thinking she's not doing everything she possibly can for her loved ones or that she's not helping enough. Clearly, that's not the case, but it's a fear she has.

-Describe how the one would cheer up the other after a hard day? If Matty was having a hard day, Sebastian would be really tentative to her, constantly reassuring her since she has a habit of blaming herself when things don't go right. When Sebastian is having a bad day, Matty usually has to ground him through things like physical touch since he's prone to letting everything get to his head. And eventually when he calms down, they have a chat about it. Cuddles are definitely a must for both.

-How would they describe each other? Seb abt Matty: Energetic, outgoing, pretty, loud, kind, empathetic, and a leader. Matty abt Seb: Outgoing, attractive, intelligent, a lil annoying sometimes, empathetic, understanding, and a lil bit of a nerd (but she finds that hot).

-Can they communicate private thoughts whilst in company? If so, how? They've mastered it by the time they are actually married. Quick lean ins to whisper stuff, hand signals. They're like masters of it LOL.

-Which one of them gives "that look" when the other is acting like a fool? Matty 100% gives Sebastian that look HAHA.

-How do they address problems in their relationship? Maturely and forwardly. They don't wait around to talk about it, or beat around the bush. If one of them has an issue with something, they're gonna say it. Being secretive never helped anybody.

-How does each S/O view any exes from former relationships? They both never dated before each other, so there was never any exes. However Seb used to have a small crush on Violet McDowell and Matty likes her. So there's never any hard feelings.

-What is something that would break their hearts? If Matty knew about how insecure Sebastian felt as a husband and father sometimes, her heart would definitely break. She always talks about how lucky she is to have him in her life so if she ever heard that, her heart would shatter.

If Sebastian knew how much Matty belittled herself, even for the smallest of things, his heart would break. He knows she does it a lot, but he doesn't know just how much she does it. In his mind, she's the closest thing to perfect (even though she's not), so if he knew, he'd be sad that she doesn't see herself the way he sees her.

-Who is more likely to avenge their S/O if they were hurt or killed? Both of them, but in different ways.

If it happened while Matty was working as an Auror, she'd definitely use the fact that she has the law on her side. The person would probably get thrown in Azkaban for life. Sebastian-- Well we've seen how he reacts. That person would definitely no longer be alive. 💀

-What would be their ideal evening in? Cuddling and reading to each other. It's soft, intimate, and just the two of them.

-Do they dance? If so, who's better? Matty is 100% the better dancer since she's been dancing ever since she was young. Sebastian SUCKED at dancing when he first tried it, however he's gotten better through the years and you can often find them just waltzing around the kitchen together like a bunch of saps.

-What is a song that reminds you of the OC's relationship? "Like real people do" or "Work song" By Hozier both remind me of them!

-Who sings to the other? Are they any good? Matty grew up in a musical family, so yes she sings quite a bit. To Sebastian and just whenever really.

-Who teases who? What about? They both tease each other but I'd definitely say Sebastian would tease her more often about anything, really.

-Who gets up early? Who stays in bed late? Matty gets up at the freakin' crack of dawn while Sebastian usually sleeps in if he can. This is because he's a night owl and so he's late out of bed. Matty conks out at like nine pm if she can and wakes up at like four HAHA.

-Who's more likely to bring the other coffee or breakfast in bed? Matty, purely because she's just awake first. However if Sebastian wants to do it for her, he's going to make it a priority. He IS going to get up before her and he IS going to make sure she stays asleep till its ready. 😂

-What's the worst thing the other can say to one? Matty: Probably any jokes regarding his parents death. Obviously she would never, but it'd probably be the worst thing she could say. Sebastian: Jokes regarding anything she had to go through while at school. Sometimes they joke about it together, because laughing helps them get through hard times. But if he seriously made any jokes about serious things that happened to her, she'd be really hurt.

-If they were ever in a life or death situation, who risks their life? Both, however Matty is more prone to risking her life all the time simply because of who she is. However Sebastian would gladly die to protect her any day.

-If it ever came down to it, who's turning to the dark side to save the other? Y'all, we already know the answer. It's Sebastian lol.

-If they ever had less than five mins to tell their S/O something before never seeing them again, what would it be? For the both of them, they would tell each other how much they loved each other and how much they are going to miss them. To be strong, and to hold out hope that they will one day reunite.

-Is there a word or gesture that makes either of them melt? Matty: When Sebastian takes the time for her. She's an only child, so she grew up with her parents always taking the time for her, that's how she knew they loved her. And she still keeps that and every time Sebastian goes out of his way to make time for her, that's how she knows he really loves her. Sebastian: When Matty listens. Throughout his childhood after his parents death, Solomon would never listen and he was often ignored. So when Matty listens to him about whatever it may be--his interests, his plans, his feelings, etc... He absolutely melts. It always reminds him of just why he loves her so much.

-Who's the romantic? Both of them, but I'd arguably say Sebastian is a little more romantic than her. She grew up reading romance so although she's a very romantic person, because she grew up reading romance and Sebastian knows that, he goes out of his way to be the romantic one and to make younger matty's dreams come true of being loved so dearly.

-Are there any characters who ship them? Just about their entire friend group 💀

-Who cooks? Who does the dishes? They both help out. They cook together and clean up together. But they usually split it as Matty cooks and Sebastian will clean up after. It's just a system that works for them. Obviously that can change at any time.

-Who eats healthier? Who has the sweet tooth? Matty is not a huge fan of sugar, actually. And because of her job she needs to be in peak physical condition all the time. So she definitely eats healthier. Sebastian is the one with the sweet tooth. He stays healthy since his job requires physical labor too, but he does enjoy sweets more than her.

-What's something that they don't really care for but tolerate because their S/O has interest? Matty: She could hardly care less about the books about the Muggle world that Sebastian reads, only because she grew up thinking she was a muggle for fifteen years. She knows a lot of it. However the muggle world fascinates Sebastian so she tolerates his obsession with it LOL. Sebastian: He does not care for all the boring details that go into Matty's job at all. He thinks the amount of paperwork you have to do as an Auror is atrocious. But since Matty is an auror, he'll tolerate hearing about all of it.

-Who tends to be the level-headed one? Who's feral? It depends. Out in public Matty tends to be the more level-headed one. At home? She can be herself, even if its a feral little gremlin LOL.

-Who reminds the other to wear a coat when it's cold out? Matty definitely reminds Sebastian, especially since she HATES the cold.

-Do they hold hands? Yes, all the time, anywhere and everywhere.

-Is there a spot they tend to kiss or caress habitual? they kith on the lips 🤠

-Are they willing to show PDA? If not, is there a reason? They have no issue showing PDA to each other. But they also only do it in times or places when that's okay.

-How would they describe their S/O in one word? I can't even describe either if them in one word so I have no idea lol.

-How would outside characters describe their relationship? Healthy and long-lasting.

-How would they describe each other in bed? In the simplest way I can put it, they love each other very much and are passionate. That's all you guys get to know HAHA.

-Would they ever answer the above question if it was asked to their face? How would they react? No. They keep their private life private. Now, they might joke about it with close friends but they wouldn't just give graphic details about it.

-Who tends to take the lead in intimate encounters? It depends.

-Have they ever been caught in the act? What would be their reaction if they were? Nope. Because Matty isn't stupid enough to do it places where they might lol, she's made that VERY clear to Sebastian. Its in a room alone or nothing.

-Have they ever done it anywhere questionable? As said above, nope.

-Who is more vocal? Who is more experienced? Neither of them have any experience before each other. Do what you will with that information.

-If they were to go shopping, who holds the bags? Who decides where they go? Matty's not really a shop-y person, and I doubt Sebastian is too. So they'd really only go if they needed to and Sebastian would probably hold the bags and let Matty do everything else since he has no idea what he's doing.

-If they were to go out to dinner, who is paying? Would there even be any discussion? They both have their own source of income and they do their finances together. However Sebastian is always insisting on paying for things. Early on, Matty would fight him on it but at one point she just let it happen.

-If someone were to insult their S/O, how would the other handle it? Matty would be upset, to be honest. She'd tell the person that they have no idea what they're talking about and that they should just shut up and keep their harsh words to themselves. Sebastian would instantly get angry, someone would definitely have to stop him before he did something stupid.

-If someone flirted/showed interest in their S/O, how would the other react? Matty: "That's my husband.... 👁️👁️" She'll leave it at that. The person will get the message. Sebastian: "My wife this," "My wife that," and by the time he's done talking, the person gets the gist that Matty is his wife and they'll leave it alone LOL.

-Who knows the other better? Why is that? I'd say Sebastian knows Matty better purely because she talks more about herself than he talks about himself. She retains more details about him, but she just simply talks more about herself than he talks about himself.

-Who is more likely to bail the other out of jail? Would they give the other sh*t for it? Matty is 100% bailing Sebastian out and yes. He would not hear the end of it.

-Which -if any- other famous ship's vibes do they emulate? I have no idea actually. But for the sake of it Imma say Rapunzel and Flynn lol.

-Are they soulmates? Do they believe in that? Yes.

-What is something that they would never forgive the other for doing/saying. Cheating. It would never happen, but if it did, there would be no forgiveness. They both know their worth and a cheating partner does not deserve them.

-Who has memorized the others medical history? Matty.

-Are they each others first contact in an accident? Yes.

-What tropes could be applied to this relationships? Friends to lovers, idiots in love, *exists* x is obsessed (if u really wanna go that way lol)

-Did they have a meet cute? Or was it a train wreak? They met dueling. Take that as you will LOL.

-Make their relationship a list of AO3 tags. Friends to lovers, idiots in love, chaos, everybody knows they like each other, idiots, mutual pining, happy wife happy life, etc...

-Who gets frustrated more easily? How does the other calm them down? Sebastian definitely gets frustrated more easily. Matty usually waits till he's calmed down a little himself so he's more sensible to go in and calm him down all the way.

-Have they almost lost one another? If so, how does it effect their relationship? They've almost lost each other many times, due to everything that happened in school. And even in their adult life. It makes them grow closer, to be honest. To cherish every moment they have with each other because the other might not always be there.

-Their S/O is tipsy. How do they handle it? Sebastian would have to be really patient with Matty since she can hardly piece anything together when she's drunk (I have a one-shot abt this coming out soon, hopefully). Matty would probably have to pry Sebastian off her if he was drunk. He's very clingy.

-Who gives the best gifts? Who gives the more thoughtful? Who goes for expensive? It depends. Neither of them are material people, so both of them lean more into thoughtful gifts.

-If they ever lost one another in a public place, how do they find each other? Matty would just wait in the same place. She knows Sebastian well enough that if they ever got separated, he is DETERMINED to find her no matter what. 😂

-What's the darkest secret they have ever told one another? They experienced what would be their "darkest secrets" together, so. Nothing to say there, really.

-Would they ever consider marriage? They are married LOL. Engaged at 19 but waited till they were 22/23 to get married so that Matty could have her last name on her Auror certificate. (That was Sebs idea btw, love him <33)

-Would they ever consider starting a family? Yes. They have five kids.

-Who likes kids more? Who can't stand them? Matty likes kids more, naturally because she grew up around them or took care of them when she was growing up. Sebastian likes kids as well, however he has less patience for them than Matty does.

-There's a puddle in one's way. What does their S/O do? Sebastian just picks Matty up bridal-style and carries her over. But there has been occasional silly pushing each other into the puddle occasionally hehe.

-One has hurt their leg on a hike. How does their S/O carry them? Sebastian: Carries Matty bridal style. Matty: also carries Sebastian bridal style (until he gets embarrassed and then he just rides on her back lol). She's stronger than she looks.😉

-Their pet has caused destruction. Who puts the pet in jail? Who defends the pet? Sebastian is unfortunately the bad cop. He knew if it was up to Matty the pet would never be told no LOL. So while he's putting them in "pet jail", Matty is telling him that "they're just a baby" and that they can't do no wrong. LOL.

-Who gives flowers to their S/O. What sort of flowers do they like? They both give flowers to each other! Matty doesn't like the idea of the first time a man gets flowers is at his funeral, so she gets Sebastian flowers quite a bit. She gets him Common Yarrow, as he's always said it reminded him of his home back in Scotland when his mum used to plant them out front. Sebastian knows Matty loves Azaleas, so he gets them for her quite often. And once they move into their home in Godric's Hollow, he plants Azalea bushes for her in the front.

-Who reads the newspaper? Who wants to see the cartoons? Matty: Cartoons Sebastian: Newspaper

-How do they wake their S/O up? Is it difficult to rouse them? Matty isn't a heavy sleeper, and auror camp did NOT help with that. It's really easy to wake her up. Sebastian usually wakes her up with kisses on her cheek or forehead. A gentle way to rouse her and start the day.

Sebastian on the other hand sleeps like a ROCK. It's so hard to wake him up sometimes. Matty will try to wake him up in a sweet way and give him kisses, hugging him, etc... But that only works every so often. So if she really needs him up, she's jumping on the bed till he's awake HAHA.

-Who would burn the world down for who? They'd both do it if they'd have to. But Sebastian would definitely do it first.

-Who gives off "they said no pickles" energy. Matty, honestly. They both kinda do but Sebastian would just get over it. Matty however is gonna make sure he gets what he asked for LOL.

-Make a meme of this ship.

A lil cringey but I love them :)))

Wow if you read all of that, hi!! Thank you so much for reading and I hope you enjoyed! <333

[saintsenara]

SORRY I KNOW ITS WEIRD ASKING A HP TUMBLR BLOG FOR LIFE ADVICE BUT IM SO CURIOUS HOW DO YOU MANAGE YOUR TIME

this is a genuine answer.

i think it's very important for there to be no doubt about the fact that - without medication - i would be fucked. there are plenty of non-medical ways of helping to manage adhd, but stimulant medication is the frontline treatment for a reason - no matter what the latest moral panic says. you cannot girlboss your way out of having an incurable neurological condition - and i will be honest that the few people in my life who think that you can are also the few people in my life i consider to be actively contemptible.

time management starts and ends with easily having executive function - and "easily" is the operative word. i can - of course - survive without medication - but i do so while stalked by a constant state of nervous energy which is just exhausting. not least because it ruins my sleep.

[the experience of realising that - no - you're not semi-nocturnal, you've just never before been properly calm the first time you take your pills... exquisite.]

and when i'm in the state of relative normality that legal amphetamine use brings, i manage my time by...

1. wearing a watch

no checking the time on my phone - i'll just get distracted by scrolling.

2. setting huge numbers of alarms

beat time-blindness with this one weird trick.

bonus points - if you're someone who finds it hard to switch between tasks or gets stuck hyper-focusing on things, then set the alarm and then put the device it's on far enough away from you that you have to move in order to turn it off.

3. putting everything on the wall

if you are dopamine-challenged, the best tip i can give you is that you are deluding yourself if you think you can use normal diaries/planners/to-do lists. this is why you probably have cupboards full of them.

stick everything on the wall, where you can see it, and set it up in a way that you can easily move tasks around [i.e. by using a whiteboard you can erase, or sticking your planner inside a plastic wallet and writing on it, or by having everything on sticky notes you can move around].

numbered task lists [i have to do x first, then move onto y] are a no-go - because if you don't do x, then you won't move onto y. but having groups of tasks - organised by urgency or difficulty, for example - which are right there in front of you can be selected from work much better with the adhd brain.

4. being a shark

by which i mean, being constantly on the move. desk chairs are the enemy. never sit still.

if you have adhd - and, to be frank, even if you don't - you will find that doing something physical while you need to concentrate on a task improves your ability to focus on that task. it also helps with managing time-blindness, task-switching, hyper-focus which is to the detriment of what you're supposed to be doing, and being easily distracted.

when i'm at work i literally never sit down. i use a standing desk [which, if you have a diagnosis of adhd and you're uk-based, counts as a reasonable adjustment your employer has to provide for you, fyi], and i have an under-desk treadmill [which i had to pay for myself, which i do not regret in the slightest] for tasks which really need a lot of effort to power through.

at home, i have an adjustable desk which i use as a standing desk or which i sit at while using an under-desk bike [which i use when i'm likely to get stuck hyper-focusing on something and need not to be - like if i'm writing fic but i need to meet up with friends at a certain time - because it's really uncomfortable and it therefore compels me to get up] or an exercise ball [the effort of not falling off really helps with concentration].

obviously, these types of movement are possible for me because i'm not physically disabled - it will look different for everyone, but any level of physical movement [including using fidget toys] helps with time management by improving focus.

5. body-doubling

this is a classic adhd-and-productivity thing, which means having someone physically with you while you work. they're not there to supervise you [or indeed to engage with you at all] - they're working on their own things - but the way that the adhd brain is primed for pattern recognition [and is very good at mimicry] means that you end up falling into the same rhythm as the other person.

if you need to complete something in a finite amount of time, then having someone you can body-double with is really useful, because you're less likely to get distracted from or overwhelmed by the task at hand. similarly, having a double helps prevent you getting stuck hyper-focusing.

6. owning my shit

everyone - even the most neurotypical of people - is late, or misses deadlines, or forgets meetings, or puts off tasks sometimes. it will happen no matter how brilliant your organisational system is. it's part of life.

but if you have adhd, it's very easy to fall into "well, this is just what i'm like" thinking - both self-critically ["i can't improve this, i'm a fuck-up"] and self-indulgently ["he has no right to be angry at me for being late for his party, he knows i have adhd"].

untrue. if you struggle with time management you have a responsibility to get a grip on aspects of those struggles which inconvenience other people. you will have to be quite strict with yourself in order to do this - i've ended up in a position, for example, where i'm always extremely [and often inconveniently - i do a lot of lurking outside the function waiting until it's time to go in] early for things. this is because i know that if i give myself an inch ["oh, i can wait fifteen minutes before leaving, it'll be fine!"] then i'll take a mile ["fuck, i should have left half an hour ago"].

so too with tasks. that "you can do this later... just go on your phone for a bit" voice is the devil speaking. do not listen.

i'm afraid that i've not found this becoming more intuitive with time - i have to be constantly strict with myself, in a way that neurotypical people don't - but it's just the way it is, you just have to do your best.

be community-minded about the things you need to do, be proactive in identifying what your weak areas are and thinking about how you can get around them [as i've said, mine is being late, and so i'm always hyper-alert about not slipping into complacency around this] forgive yourself for the odd slip, say sorry without caveats to people you inconvenience, thank people who are gracious, and extend grace in turn.

7. taking every bit of help going

i'm open about my diagnosis at work - which is a piece of good fortune which isn't available to everyone.

[although, if you're uk-based, a diagnosis of adhd counts as a disability under the equality act - your employer is obligated to make reasonable adjustments for you, you can't be dismissed just for having adhd, and you are entitled to bring a claim of disability discrimination if you are not provided with reasonable adjustments. you are also entitled to apply for an access to work grant - which provides financial assistance for adjustments which fall outside of the reasonable costs your employer is legally obliged to incur.]

i have adjustments at work [not only my standing desk, but things like permission to record meetings and to have all instructions issued in writing] and i feel absolutely no shame over it. if i can get something for free from the government to make my life easier, i will take it.

i am also absolutely shameless about taking advantage of my colleagues to help with time management - using them as body doubles, or asking them to get me from my office so i'm not late to things, for example - and i take advantage of my friends and family along the same lines.

human beings are social creatures - this is literally what we're designed to do - and it's incredibly important to reject the "i owe nobody anything" paradigm [which is one of the most egregious crimes of modern, poorly-regulated therapy]. i receive support, and i repay it turn by doing things for the people who help me.

8. constantly having a little treat

i am a grown adult with three degrees and a mortgage. i have also been known to use a star chart for a little flutter of pride in myself.

if you have a time management triumph, give yourself a little treat. you deserve it.

[jelliezellie]

hi!! could i request levi falling in love with a workaholic reader and he tries to push it down but literally cannot keep himself away 😭

A/N: Your guys’ requests are amazing!! I love this one, I’m gonna reread this every time I stay up all night working on my book. I'm not sure if this is good enough because I barely proofread it but enjoy!

Workaholic - Levi x Reader

You signed another paper after spending twenty minutes writing about a single incident that happened in the field. It was nothing major; nobody got hurt. Two cadets went off-course for a moment but came back immediately. Yet, you were stuck doing paperwork for them because of their mistakes. 

You sighed, placing the paper on top of the “finished work” pile. You stared at the intimidating stack of paperwork you were given and grabbed another.

Footsteps approached your room, then everything went quiet. Your eyes flickered to your door, then back to your paperwork when nothing happened. A few moments later, someone knocked. “Y/n,” Levi called, “can I come in?”

“Yes,” you replied, not setting your pen down as you continued to fill out paperwork. 

Levi slowly opened the door and stared at you. His eyes were baggy and his voice was rough but soft as if he had just woken up. “Why are you still awake?” He questioned, crossing his arms. 

“The sun just set,” you replied, signing your name, “I just need to finish these papers.”

Levi scoffed and sat across from you, tilting his head. “What time do you think it is?” He asked, staring at your paperwork. 

You shrugged. “10 PM? 11? I don’t know.”

“It’s 2 AM,” he deadpanned, “and we have a mission tomorrow.” You didn’t respond as you kept filling out papers. “Y/n, look at me.”

You sighed and looked at him with unamused eyes. He frowned when he noticed the exhaustion that spread across your face. He noticed how your lips were cracked from biting your lip while you were deep in thought, something he always found charming about you. He noticed how dark the bags under your eyes were. 

“What do you want?”

“I want you to go to bed.”

“Not until I finish all of this.” You took another paper from the stack but Levi grabbed your wrist. 

“Then,” he hesitated. “Then let me help. You’re running out of ink for your pen and you don’t even have folders to file anything in,” he said, letting your hand go. “We’ll get everything done.”

You stared at him, then at the stack of papers. “Are you sure?”

“Positive. Come on; take the papers with you. I have ink and folders in my office.” 

You stood, carrying the papers behind Levi as he led you to his office and opened the door. You sat on one side of his desk while he sat on the other, sliding pens and ink and folders to you. 

Together, you worked in silence for a little while. Every now and then, you could feel his eyes on you, but you didn’t say anything or even look his way. He was charming, but you were too focused on the work. Finally, he broke the silence. “Are you alright?”

“Fine.”

He looked up from the work and stared at you again. “Your hand is trembling. Do you need to take a break?”

“No.”

He sighed and stood, walking away for a moment. You noticed, as you worked, that missed his presence near you. You missed the quiet sighs and the sounds of his fingers grabbing a pen to write in his perfect handwriting. You missed the way he’d grab a paper and his hand would get so close to yours. 

Finally, you looked up from the work and blinked for the first time in what felt like hours. Levi returned with tea for you and for him. You sipped from it, staring at him with a soft smile as he sat down again. “You remembered how I like my tea,” you mumbled.

“Yeah.”

“I only told you once,” you replied with a grin.

He stared at you. “I only needed to hear it once.”

You nodded and continued working, going back into the trance of concentration. Your hand ached but at least you were getting a lot done. 

An hour later, Levi picked up the last paper and filled it out, then stood and stretched. He opened his mouth to say something but then noticed how you were sound asleep on his desk, your arms supporting your head. “Nuisance,” he muttered under his breath, trying to suppress his smile.

Bonus: (slight one-bed trope)

He couldn’t just leave you there. Levi sighed and lifted you up gently, taking note of how your head rested on his shoulder so perfectly. He took you back to your room and place you on your bed. Your arms were still wrapped around his shoulders as he tucked you in and tried to pull away.

“Stay,” you mumbled. Levi couldn’t tell if you were asleep or not when you said that, but his heart melted in his chest as he sat on your bed beside you. He pulled the covers over himself, too, as your hands still wrapped around him. 

“Idiot,” he whispered as he closed his eyes.

[sumi-sprite]

As we get further into this very strange, very scary election year, I've begun noticing a lot of people coming to realize some of their friends and family were not who you thought they were.

Best friends are slowly bringing out the red hats. Close family members you confided in are starting to ask you to "see their side" or "reconsider your beliefs". Coworkers are starting to put distance between you and themselves. Friends are "forgetting" your preferred pronouns. Maybe some are asking if you're REALLY sure you're gay/bi/ace/trans/etc. Partners are suddenly wanting something more "traditional".

Or worse yet, as these people show their true colors, they tell you: "Yeah I hate this group of people, but YOU are the exception!"

As if this is some kind of compliment. As if this isn't a massive, heartbreaking moment of horror. As if this isn't the most blatant breach of trust, confidence, and safety we have ever felt.

Many of us - myself included - have probably already experienced this. I experienced this when my maternal white grandfather was still alive. This was WAY before the Tumor era, thank god, but back then, if my grandpa had his way, he would put every mexican and black person in concentration and labor camps. Except me. Because he didn't "see" the other half of me that was most definitely NOT white. To him, it didn't exist. I'm JUST his granddaughter.

Some ignorant folks would call that "sweet", but trust me, it isn't. It's exclusion and discrimination, though twisted in a way that makes it seem more like fondness and protection rather than outright racial discrimination. It sucked. Even as a vaguely aware 5yo to when I was 20 and he was still (barely) alive, it made me feel disgusted with him.

Being put in an "exclusion zone" is NOT the compliment some people think it is. It's definitely not a safe place to be, and it's not something that makes any group feel good. It's fucking condescending at best, outright racist (or any brand of (insert)phobic) and unsafe at worst.

If you have gone to a friend or family member with these thoughts of "exclusing" them from "the rest of that weird group", you need to stop, and reevaluate if you actually value this friend or family member as a fucking PERSON, and not some special case that needs to be isolated from others they can connect to and relate with in ways you can never give them.

If you have faced this sort of exclusion and discrimination: I am so, so sorry, and I want you to know you are not alone. It fucking SUCKS to have your feelings of trust and safety dashed all at once; to see literal years of friendship and trust just. Vanish. And you never even realized it was gone and replaced with some vague replica until now. I'm so sorry. It hurts so much, and I think it's best if you reconsider how close you want to be to this person. Because like it or not, people like this just cannot lose an argument. Logic doesn't work. Reason is waved off. Compassion is weakness. They have to choose to be open to change, and it is NOT your responsibility to make you change their beliefs. It just makes them dig their heels in more.

Please remember to be kind to one another. Offer trust and shelter and support. This is NOT the time to be divisive and unreasonably angry. Your anger and fear are absolutely justified, but do not let it drive your actions and decisions, and absolutely DO NOT allow it to put someone in an exclusion zone because you think it's safer for yourself and them. It's not.

This is a safe space for the LBGTQA+, POC/BIPOC, DISABLED, AUTISTIC/AUTISM SPECTRUM, and all who will protect and support one another in these uncertain times.

IF YOU NEED HELP, CHECK OUT THESE HOTLINES.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

[harryforvogue]

Mia proof reading one of Harry’s emails or contracts trying to find something wrong but she can’t and literally making something up just to drive him crazy

"you know," harry says, looking up from his laptop. he's just left a meeting (a really long one that had mia sighing with impatience every few seconds) and now his attention is on his girlfriend who's bouncing on her heels in front of his desk. "working from home literally includes working."

they're both working from home today since they've been snowed in for the past two days. it's still snowing, in fact, and while harry is accustomed to working in his home office, this is new grounds for mia. she's always had to go to her job.

"how can i work when i'm at home?" she says, sighing again. she walks around towards him and hoists herself onto his desk, kicking her legs. "i'm in sweats. how can i concentrate when i'm in sweats?"

"change out of them," harry says.

"but i'm so cold."

"you'd probably work better too if you didn't try to do your job while still in bed."

mia groans. "but how can i resist it?"

harry shuts his laptop and leans back in his seat. mia's eyes shine. "oooh. are you done with work? do you want to--"

"i'm not done with work. i'm taking a 5 minute break to talk to my girlfriend who is still on the clock and not being a very good employee."

"you know what's also not good? capitalism. but you don't know anything about because you're a nepotism child." mia rolls her eyes. she kicks her legs for a little bit and then says, "can i sit in your lap?"

"here i thought you were going to yell at me some more for being a nepo baby."

"you are!"

"i am not denying it." he pats his thigh. "come on."

happily, she jumps off the desk and sits down on his lap, wrapping her arms around his neck. "i've missed you."

harry laughs softly when she kisses his face. "you saw me at breakfast, didn't you? and then the four times you wandered into my office just because."

"well i missed you then too."

harry turns his head and kisses her properly. she instantly melts in his arms and kisses him back.

"working from home is hard," she mumbles, breaking away from him to kiss his jaw. "i wanna do this. i don't wanna do work. i wanna kiss."

he places his hands on her hips and tugs her closer. "i know. it's terrible. it's just simply not fair that we cannot go to work in our offices because there's 4 feet of snow outside."

"don't be mean."

"i'm never mean. just honest."

"hate when you say that."

"do you?"

"now you have to make lunch today."

"hey! i made it twice already. it's your turn."

"i can't. i'm too cold. and bored." she lifts her head up. "you know i've done most of my work already. if i do the rest now, it'll be all done by the next hour and then i'll have 5 hours to do nothing! while you'll be at work pretending i don't exist!"

"i'll be working," he reminds her gently. "not ignoring you."

"same thing!"

"i really don't think that's the sa--"

"i have nothing to do!" mia dramatically complains, nuzzling against his warm neck. "i'm gonna stay here now."

harry holds her for a long time just hugging her back, rubbing her shoulders, scratching her scalp. he feels her eyes flutter shut when her eyelashes brush against his neck. he turns his head to kiss her forehead gently.

"you can't fall asleep, baby."

"i can," she mumbles. "and i will."

"you want to help me with my work?"

"i don't understand your job. makes my brain hurt."

"it'll be something you're good at."

slowly, mia lifts her head back up and blinks at him. she rubs her eye and harry holds her face firmly in between his fingers when he kisses her for it. he fucking adores her.

"mm. okay." she slides off his lap and sits back on the desk, waiting for instructions.

"i have this contract that i need you to proofread. my editor has been away on vacation so i have to make sure it's perfect before i send it over to the client."

"okay. i can do that."

harry nods and opens his laptop. he clicks around a bit until he finds the file and then hands over the laptop to her. "it's just 4 pages. take your time. my next meeting isn't for another half hour. get whatever you can done, all right?"

"if i have your laptop, what are you going to use?"

harry gestures to the ipad he's just taken out of his drawer. mia scowls and says, "nepo baby."

he smiles and leans in to kiss her softly. "thank you."

mia works on the contract for a long time. she squints down at it and rereads it several times as harry works on his own things in front of her. she enlarges the text, reads the text from back to front, and frowns deeply at it.

if harry wrote this himself with no editor, then he's actually insane.

because she can't find a single typo, a single spelling error, or a single comma out of place.

the document is perfect.

and it makes her annoyed. a little mad too.

i'll find something, she insists to herself. a mere incorrect semi colon. an extra space after a period. she'll find something!

but the more she drives herself crazy with rereading the conditions written in the contract, the more horrified she is to admit that there are no faults in the document.

harry asks her 15 minutes later, "how does it look?"

mia glances up at him. "fine."

"just fine?"

"mhm." she flexes her fingers. "actually, this third clause in the contract is a run on sentence."

"is it?"

"yeah." she turns the laptop to show him. "see? too many ideas in one sentence. and the roman numerals totally throw you off."

"that's because there are separate conditions in the existing clauses."

"make them all individual sentences."

harry hesitates. "in legal writing, it's best to use the roman numerals. especially for conditions."

mia shrugs. "fine. if you're okay with an confusing document."

"confusing, is it?"

no, mia thinks to herself. this is like the most perfect contract i've ever seen in my life. "i mean it's good. but this change would make it better."

"i think... i think i'll leave it."

"fine. you also spelled your name wrong."

"what?"

she scrolls all the way up. "see? you wrote harty styles instead of harry styles."

"i did not! you changed that!"

"i didn't. i just can't believe you don't know how to spell your own name." she clicks her tongue. "sad."

harry raises his eyebrows in disbelief and then laughs. he leans forward and takes the laptop from her, shutting the top and setting it aside. once his ipad is secured beside her, he stands and leans down on the desk. he kisses her quickly, holding her hips firm against his.

"not a single mistake, hm?" he teases, tilting his head to kiss her over and over. she whines and grabs his collar, kissing him back.

"not a single one," she complains, kissing down his neck swiftly, all the way down to his collarbones as he throws his head back and laughs softly.

"just for that, you should be the one making lunch."

she whines again, wrapping her arms around his hips to make sure he doesn't move. "take a break. please. let's go to our room."

harry peeks at the clock. "my next meeting is in barely 3 minutes, baby."

"i can't wait that long!"

he smiles and gently pries her off of him. he holds her face and says, "you'll survive." he fixes his hair and collar and then sits back down opening his laptop again.

he's instantly focused on his work again while makes mia growl and kick her legs, irritated.

he glances at her. "it's only twenty minutes."

"that's so long!"

"i'm sure you can find something to do in those twenty minutes. like your job."

mia crosses her arms and hops off his desk. she goes to head out the door, but suddenly pauses. she waits until harry is logged into his meeting to crawl under his desk and smile all innocently at him.

"mia." he says it warningly, but also breathlessly. she's certainly not imagining he way he parts his thighs to let her in between them.

"you said to make myself busy."

when harry greets his employees, mia reaches for his belt, undoing it silently.

[toads-treasures]

Writer Interview

I got tagged by @forget-me-maybe and @pouroverpaloma, thank you for the tag!!! I'm sorry that I definitely may have overshared!!

When did you start writing?

This is going to sound cliche but, since I learned how to write at all, I think? I distinctly remember that I got in trouble when I was about six years old, because I took a photo album that had nice sturdy paper pages from the laundry room and wrote a mystery story in it. I remember it was a mystery because on every other page I colored my own version of the old transitions they’d do in cartoons, with a question mark with concentric colorful circles around it lol. Strangely vivid memory of those transition pages, I think I was very proud of them. 

But I’ve been writing and “illustrating” pretty much my entire life. I started writing fanfiction in middle school or highschool, and that’s what I’ve always liked writing the most.

Then I decided to get a creative writing degree, which then led me to developing both a god complex and a crippling sense of perfectionism and self doubt, and completely drained any enjoyment from writing literally anything, because I couldn’t get my professor’s voices out of my head. I loved my professors and I think I learned a lot, but I became so obsessed with my writing being perfect and impressive and something they would want and like, that I stopped writing things that I liked. So, I had a crisis and dropped out! And didn’t write anything for like four years so 🫠 but we’re slowly gettin’ back into it. 

Are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write?

I don’t think there are any themes I enjoy reading that I couldn't really write, but genres definitely. I don’t know if I could write a contemporary romance. Unless I am doing a modern AU lol but even then I always seem to end up adding some kind of fantastical element.  I love reading a good Emily Henry novel, but I try to write a lighthearted contemporary romance and inevitably some ghosts or fucked up fairies of some sort will appear. I gotta inject a little horror and fantasy into pretty much everything I write, which I think a lot of people are surprised by. I’m surprised by it, because I am such a baby I can’t handle watching horror movies. I think less horror, and more like, gothic elements maybe? IDK man it’s been a long time since I’ve been in a literature class.

Is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often?

I wanna be Maggie Stiefvater when I grow up. She’s a young adult novelist but she is such a talented writer, I can’t even explain other than her books make my brain go !!!!! 

I cannot recommend Scorpio Races or The Raven Cycle enough. She’s got such a distinct voice, and she is really good at magical realism which I love. I don’t know if I intentionally try to emulate her though I think I’m just a sponge that just absorbs bits and pieces of anything I read, but I think I have unintentionally stolen a line or two from her before.

Can you tell me a bit about your writing space?

I have a home office that I adore and is super cute and cozy but unfortunately most of my writing is done at work on my lunch break. But that’s also a pretty nice place, a shaded courtyard at the hospital I work at that’s got really nice tall trees that blossom in the spring. 

What’s your most effective way to muster up a muse?

I always come up with some pivotal character detail or plot point while I’m doing dishes. Then I have to scramble for my phone with sudsy hands to immediately tell Liz I have had A Thought.

Are there any recurring themes in your writing? Do they surprise you?

I think a lot of my stories are about grief, which I don’t usually realize until later. Grief and memory and growing out of the place you were born, and the kind of dissonance that comes from wanting so desperately to go home but not fitting when you get there. Or things are different than how you remember, for better and for worse. I love thinking about complicated parent/child relationships, and coming to the realization that more often than not your parents are neither heroes or villains, they’re just people.  Coming of age stories but the protag are in their late twenties? 

I looooove to write about people slowly (or not so slowly) falling in love and the little things you notice about someone when that’s happening. Like the way a slight sunburn sometimes makes blue eyes look even bluer, the way someone’s eyes widen before they start laughing, like they’re surprised at their own amusement. Getting to know someone in so many different contexts. So different kinds of intimacy I guess? It wasn’t until recently that I even considered writing smut lmao and even now when I try the characters just end up having some deep conversation and unearthing some kind of trauma. Let’s not analyze what that says about me. 

But it always seems to come back to grief at some point and living with loss and growing around it. Which is strange because I’m very lucky to have not gone through that process with anyone extremely close to me. It is definitely something I think about a lot though, it’s almost like I’m trying to brace myself, or practice grieving before it actually happens.

What’s your reason for writing?

Escapism babyyy. I say escapism then talk about how all I ever write about is grief….so….but it is both escapism and kind of working through some shit emotionally lol. One of my favorite possibly cringey things to do, but something that has genuinely helped me a lot, is creating a character that has a lot of qualities that I feel self conscious about. They have ADHD, they’re tall and a little clumsy, or they’ve got the same body type as me. They also dropped out of art school. But it doesn’t bother them at all. They’re not insecure about any of those things. Or if they are, they learn not to be. And the other characters love them anyway.

One of the things I’ve really enjoyed doing with a lot of the fanfiction I write is I get a chance to write about the moments in between the big moments. Explore aspects of characters that maybe there wasn’t time for in the game. Or you know if it’s Wyll just aspects that Larian didn’t bother to do at all i’m not bitter 

Is there any specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating?

Literally any. I crave any form of validation. I love when people can point out themes and stuff to me because I usually miss that myself lol.

How do you want to be thought about by your readers?

Uhhhhhhhhh I have never considered this. Positively? I think more than anything I want people to care as much as I care about these characters, that we’re all being genuine and sincere and sappy together.

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

I don’t know if it’s my greatest strength lol but I love writing dialogue. That always comes easily to me. And descriptions of landscapes. That’s always something people in class would point out. I will wax poetic about a mountain or the sea don’t test me. 

How do you feel about your own writing?

It comes and goes lol. I try not to think about it too much honestly because I’ll spiral pretty fast into extremely self critical territory and freeze up. Because I must be a genius, Professor Signor told me so, now I have this impossible standard to live up to. Also my professor never told me I was a genius but she did really like my writing and wanted me to take a bunch of honors classes and be on the school literary magazine and all of that pressure and expectation kiiinda made me freak out and run away. So now I try to just have fun, and that’s what I want to feel more than anything is that I’m having fun, and truly enjoying this part of me that has been a part of me for as long as I can remember. 

tagging @hauntedliz @mars-colonyand @likesomethingblooming if you wanna!

[boyswanna-be-her]

It's obnoxious that my brain's reaction to exhaustion is anxiety.

Like, how is the thought process "i am tired, and also unrelated but i just realized that everyone is angry at me and I'm a total disappointment." It's GOOFY that those two realities should be linked for me.

Oh ok either everyone I care about hates me suddenly...... OR.... maybe I'm just sleepy. But it takes ALL of my concentration, emotional regulation, and therapy tools to convince myself that it's the latter. Bc it FEELS waaay more logical that I've disappointed literally everyone. This CANNOT just be because I've been working for 15 hours. That makes no sense. Because it's almost like... anxiety...... makes no fucking sense!!!!

[vole-mon-amour]

I've been thinking.

I understand the importance and the significance of Jamie maturing and truly becoming a team player that helps his teammates to score. It's beautiful to watch how he does it. "Stop going to me and start going through me." I love it and I am so incredibly proud of him.

However, I cannot stress enough how much I am glad they let Jamie score on his own. Just like Phil said in a recent interview, it was a season 1 kind of goal, "I'm gonna score." He knew he was gonna score. "Except that in s1 it was me, me, me, me and now he's playing with the team."

But his facial expression, his concentration on the goalpost, on the scoring. I was so worried that they were gonna make him miss, but then we don't even see the goal itself. All we see is Jamie's concentration and how his face goes to happy and satisfied. He's injured. He's playing on literally a shot of adrenaline.

And yet. AND YET. HE FUCKING SCORES. And he walks away with tears in his eyes, while Manchester fans are applauding him when they were booing him the entire match. And he gets pulled in for a hug by Roy, of all people. Even Ted salutes Jamie, feeling so proud of him. Because Jamie fucking deserves it.

Seriously, after all that hard training. After waking up at four in the morning when he absolutely was not used to it (more like he needs his sleep, especially since he's depressed & I'm sure he's had trouble sleeping before they started training.) After puking from the exhaustion from the amount of the exercise Roy put him through, but then leading the entire team when the rest of them puked but Jamie was fine. When he could go through laps of exercises easily when before he was barely able to make one full lap.

I cannot express the importance for me as a Jamie lover to see him scoring. I cannot express the importance of seeing the joy on Jamie's face when he's lost in the moment of scoring and his teammates running to him, patting him on the back, hugging him. Celebrating with him. It hits totally different after s1 and s2 ("This man refuses to coach me!" — "You've made him a team player and in the process you've made him average.") THE GROWTHHHHH.

If they ARE going to win "this entire thing", as they put it in 3x11, I'm gonna feel so... validated. As we know, it's not about wins it losses, but "I want to win for us, too." They trained so much and so hard. They've been losing for so long. I think it's only fair for them to finally win. From Ted being laughed at and hated and insulted to Ted being the best coach they've ever had. And, obviously, one of greatest human beings they ever had a pleasure to know.

It's all about Ted helping them becoming the best versions of themselves, but you know when you feel the best when the rest of your life is going right but not the goal you've been working towards for month?

That's right. When you finally achieve that goal. And it doesn't seem real, but at the same time it's all you ever wanted (in our case career wise.)

I have a lot of feelings about this show and I want them to achieve their goal. I'm not sure they're gonna go this route, but I really, really, really want them to. Besides, I'm sure it'll make Ted, Beard, and Roy feel great. After all, they're the ones who were coaching those guys in the first place. And it's finally working.

And last but not least: Rebecca also deserves that win. After everything she's been though and how she's come to have this team in the first place?

Win it. Please, just win it.