#I'm just such a sucker for little guy + big tie

[lemonisntreal]

What'cha got there pal??? [loaded firearm]

[Bonus LMAO]

[zomb-rabbit]

full nsfw alphabet for toby??

posting this from the glue trap i'm stuck in

🪓 Toby Rogers NSFW alphabet!

A = Aftercare, what they’re like after sex

checks in with you a WHOLE BUNCH- he wants to make sure you know he loves you and cares about you no matter how hard y'all were going not even 5 minutes ago

B = Body part, their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s

on him, i think it's a tie between his arms and his hair if that counts lolz. he likes how strong his arms are and likes to try n show off in front of you- he likes both how his hair looks, and he thinks his happy trail suits him

in you, i'd say your chest- in both a romantic and sexual sense :) he loves laying on you, listening and feeling your heartbeat, the closeness, all of it. he also loves leaving hickies all across it, little mindless bites and kisses decorating you from him getting lost on the feeling of you.

C = Cum, anything to do with cum, basically

he's a sucker for cumming inside, he just can't get over how you squeeze him and how fucked out you look

D = Dirty secret, pretty self-explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs

he jerked off to the thought of you WAAYYYY before y'all were dating- he was too embarrassed to tell you when you first started dating and he's too scared now. probably.

E = Experience, how experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?

love him to the ends of the earth, he has nothing. nada. zilch. you're his first everything, be patient with him cus he's gonna be nervous !! that does NOT mean he has shame though. he is not at all embarrassed to tell you when he wants you.

F = Favorite position, this goes without saying

anything with you on top- as i said he's a boobs/chest kinda guy, he wants to watch

G = Goofy, are they more serious in the moment? Are they humorous? etc.

he's more serious, but it's mostly because he's concentrated. he wants to do his best to make you feel good and he wants to focus!!

H = Hair, how well groomed are they? Does the carpet match the drapes? etc.

i think he trims, but he doesn't wanna shave unless you ask him to (mostly because he has a tendency to accidentally nick himself with the razor)

he gets some facial hair on his chin, but it's nothing super serious. he'll jokingly ask you to help him with it sometimes, if you say yes you'll be rewarded with a very flustered boyfriend that keeps letting out shaky breaths every time you put your hand on his chest to keep him still

I = Intimacy, how are they during the moment? The romantic aspect

it really depends on his mood, but most of the time he's romantic about everything; telling you how much he loves you, all the noises you make, how fucking good you feel. if he's in a mood though, expect most of the words flowing out of his mouth to be about how bad he needs you, and reminding you that you're all for him.

J = Jack off, masturbation headcanon

it's. a lot. and it's mostly because he thought too hard about you- whether it was a small thing you did earlier that day that he thought was hot or his mind drifted to certain memories of you

K = Kink, one or more of their kinks

Toby praise kink truthers in this house !!!!!!!! lean over into his ear while you're riding him and tell him how pretty he looks when he's close, tell him you feel so full when he fucks you; he's putty in your hands

L = Location, favorite places to do they do

anywhere private- not big on getting caught by other people (catching you on the other hand is something else)

M = Motivation, what turns them on, gets them going

dead serious anything. you stretching in front of him, bending over to grab something, you smiling into a kiss- you get him hot and bothered by doing nothing and everything. (he does also really like it when you take any kinda control over him- even if it's just telling him in any kinda stern tone to go do something)

N = No, something they wouldn’t do, turn-offs

nothing that would seriously hurt you, and nothing to do with a daddy kink, sorry shawtys

O = Oral, preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.

he definitely prefers giving. loves how your thighs squeeze around his head, the feeling of you tugging at his hair, getting fistfuls of your ass as he pulls himself further into you.

he's such a mess receiving though, he's so sensitive and you look so pretty when you look up at him while he's halfway down your throat. he likes it when you take control when you're giving him head

P = Pace, are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.

tends to get lost in the feeling of you and ends up fucking you at a rough and fast pace, no matter how slow he started off. of course you can tell him to slow down if you really need him to, but his rough grip on your thighs and the whimpers and pants in your ear tell you just how bad he needs you.

Q = Quickie, their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.

they're not his favorite, but there have definitely been a few times where he just could not keep his hands off of you when the two of you were out and he pulled you aside. prefers to be able to take him time with you and draw things out a bit, but he'd never say no to you

R = Risk, are they game to experiment? Do they take risks? etc.

he'll experiment with you !! it just has to be thoroughly talked about first

S = Stamina, how many rounds can they go for? How long do they last?

UNTIL HIS BODY GIVES OUT BABES- he does not care how tired his body gets, if you're down to keep going, he is too.

T = Toys, do they own toys or use them on a partner or themselves?

doesn't own any himself, and might be a lil shy using them on you, but he's a crying mess when you use them on him. he gets so overwhelmed so fast- make sure you tell him how good he's being <3

U = Unfair, how much they like to tease

he had no idea how to tease you for the first little bit- but as soon as he figured out how he could draw out little whines and begs for him to keep going, he could not get enough. can't do it for too long, though, he gets impatient

V = Volume, how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.

he is LOUD, panting, whimpering, whining- the whole nine yards. you feel fucking heavenly to him and he just can't help it :(( poor boy's sensitive

W = Wild card, a random headcanon for the character

he likes to have music in the back when y'all are going at it- he doesn't need it and it wouldn't be super loud, but it is nice to have background noise. some she wants revenge or somethin

X = X-ray, let’s see what’s going on under those clothes

~6.5, skinnier with such a sensitive tip

Y = Yearning, how high is their sex drive?

VERY this boy is down for anything 24/7 if you mention it. will wrap his arms around you from behind and whine into your neck if he's feeling needy.

Z = Zzz, how quickly do they fall asleep afterward?

if he was more rough or dominant with you, he doesn't wanna fall asleep until you do. if you were the one to take more charge, he'll certainly try to stay up !! but he's usually pretty spent and ends up asleep on your chest, gently holding your hand

[alchemistc]

If you're still doing the 'send a sentence and a ship write the next five': Bucktommy

He'd had better days, but here, now, he was having trouble remembering them.

They're all suckers for a happy ending. Happy beginning. Happy whatever, actually, but this is something special.

His best friend is getting married.

He'd always sort of expected that being Buck's Best Man would be a fucking nightmare -- groomzilla on the loose in the streets of LA, trying to coax him away from viciously checking off items on one of his multitude of lists, trying to talk him down from doubts or fears about whoever he'd decided to tie himself to for an approximation of forever, trying not to lose his cool over some comment from Phillip fucking Buckley that Buck was pretending didn't bug him.

Instead they're here, enjoying a quiet moment away from the hubbub of the party - leaning together against the stupid cool backyard bartop Evan's fiance had built in his spare time one weekend after Eddie and Buck had told him it'd be cool, curled toward each other like parenthesis, gigging a little about the fact that Buck is here, and he's happy, and the big crazy family they've built over the years is all here too.

"No bachelor parties," Buck had said, three days after Eddie started planning one out in his head, and Eddie'd stared at him like he'd grown a second head because mister Parties celebrating major life events should always have a ridiculous theme and hopefully a costume had just derailed Eddie's desire to dress like an extra from Dukes of Hazard, but Buck's eyes had softened with the now familiar adoration Eddie's privately dubbed The Tommy Look, and he'd tilted his chin and murmured something about family that had made both their throats a little tight.

So. Here they are. Two idiots celebrating the last day of Buck's freedom, only --

Eddie clinks the mouth of his bottle against Buck's, and Buck grins, wide and bright and happy and definitely fully ogling Tommy's ass from across the yard. "You're getting married tomorrow."

Buck's smile has always sort of made Eddie feel like a warm blanket is being tossed over him, straight from the heat of the dryer. Tonight the warmth is an inferno. "I'm getting married tomorrow."

"Still don't know how you bagged the coolest guy any of us know, but I'm not questioning his taste."

Buck preens, and Eddie doesn't know if it's the praise of his partner or himself that means more to him, but Eddie doesn't care. It feels like his entire life he's been filling a broken bottle up with sand, but just tonight the leak has been sealed, and he can breathe and enjoy his person reaching a peak he's been desperate to crest for years.

Yeah.

There have been other moments in his life where the happiness has warmed him from the inside out -- moments he'll be reminded of later, maybe even tomorrow when he thinks of all the milestones Buck has to look forward to -- but right here, right in this moment, this one sparkles real and true and important.

Eddie watches Tommy's eyes settle on Buck, watches the way the creases in his forehead smooth and the way his eyes seem brighter when they catch on Buck, and for a moment he thinks he might just burst with the gratitude of knowing Buck's found someone else who'll take care of him the way Eddie wants him taken care of.

"Shucks," Buck says, looking like he might vibrate out of his skin with happiness when Tommy shoots a sly wink his way, and Eddie can't help the way he bursts into delighted laughter.

[hellslayersomething]

I feel like I should write out some proper thoughts about my opinions on Veilguard, or at least an outline for the much longer essay that is currently calcifying in my heart. It's a mixed bag of a reaction, and I'm not going to compliment sandwiching any of it--this is all just stream of consciousness, so I'm probably going to snag on the negative and spiral down that pretty quickly. Spoilers, obviously:

I liked the battle system. For the first time in a DA game, it actually felt satisfying to play and had its own identity. I do wish the Pokemon element aspect was a little better balanced among the companions, but overall it was great.

That said, considering the length of the game, they needed way more enemy diversity, especially with the bosses. Eventually I was just fighting dragons, and every dragon had essentially the same moveset, one of those moves being "the dragon trips over her own dick and face-plants on top of Rook", which sure doesn't make the fights feel epic. Even very unique characters, like the Gloom Howler, were just reskinned basic demons when it came time to fight them.

The decision to tie companion approval to companion levels was a mistake. A massive and extremely obvious mistake. No wonder there are no disagreements or tension among the group--the game can't let you lose affinity with your team members, because then it would have to account for you leveling them down. The gameplay design here strangled the narrative design in its crib.

Speaking of narrative design: while I appreciate that the modular approach to companion arcs was experimental, it was extremely weird of them to take that approach in the only DA game where all companions are required. The story doesn't have to be written to account for the fact that you might not recruit some of them or they might die early--so why didn't they write one story about Rook and their seven friends instead of one story about Rook and also there are seven smaller, unrelated stories of extremely varying quality shoved in next to it?

The hyperfixation on the companion quests paired with their complete compartmentalization from each other means that each companion basically has nothing going on outside of their own quest and very few opportunities to engage with other characters' quests.

I was so starved for conflict in this game that I went from Solas-neutral to Solas-positive because he was the only character who the game allowed to be a bitch to me, and I respect him for that.

I do like all the horrid little sons the game gives me. I think I would appreciate them more if there was anything bad or tense happening in the story on a personal level that required some comic relief, but I am a sucker for a funky little guy none the less, and Manfred, Assan, and Spite are the perfect trifecta of funky little guys, as far as I'm concerned.

"We're only going to do character cameos if it's important to the plot." *does what they did with Isabela* Okay, devs.

"We aren't importing player choices but we won't override your decisions either." *several codex entries overriding player decisions later* Okay, devs.

I like the companions, generally. I see their potential. Fanfic will do right by them. Harding, in my mind, is the weakest of the bunch, just truly having no personality to speak of and talking like she was written by a Boomer who thinks that Millennials are still teenagers. (Everyone responsible for her uttering the phrase "Awkward..." like she's a character in 2011 quirky girl sitcom should be tried at the fucking Hague, istg.) And while I like Bellara, it was extremely frustrating to have a character that's just "Merrill, again, but with the edges sanded off". Taash and Emmerich are also glaringly the last additions in the writing process, each belonging to one of the two most underbaked factions and neither of them being tied to any of the game's few "big choices". There's promise in this cast, but I don't think any of them came close to realizing their potential.

Davrin and Emmerich's companion quests felt appropriately scoped to the size of the questlines, had good emotionality, good antagonists, and expanded on the lore of Thedas in ways we hadn't seen yet.

Lucanis's companion quest had potential, but it was too unfocused with three antagonists, too much attention to the boring Venatori shit, and not enough examination on Illario's motives or Lucanis's relationships with either Spite or Illario.

Harding's companion quest was fine, I guess (the people are starving for dwarf lore), but Harding could have been swapped out with literally any other dwarven character who wasn't Sandal and nothing would have been different. (Also weird that the whole quest was basically about Sandal while simultaneously fully removing Sandal from the narrative.)

Bellara and Neve's companion quests were just nothing. Just a whole lot of nothing. And Neve's also suffered from what I like to call "machete editing", where it is glaring obviously where things were cut, changed, moved around, and added at the last minute.

I say, from the bottom of my non-binary heart: Taash's companion quest is total ass. Real nice of Mae to come out of hiding and risk being found and executed by the Venatori to give Taash a Queer Theory 101 class, though, I fucking guess.

Is Lucanis's romance bugged? Apparently I'm not the only one who had that thought while I was playing it, so now I'm wondering. Like, there's no way they made it Like That on purpose, right?

Why and how are the Venatori still a force in Thedas, never mind a force with numbers so great (in spite of lacking a central leader) that they were able to simultaneously occupy the two largest cities in Thedas?

They literally didn't even try with the Antaam. The Venatori are at least theoretically still working to try to restore Tevinter to its former imperial might. The Antaam are just invading countries for literally no reason except ill-defined power grabs. Given the racial coding of Qunari, this writing choice sure is...something. (And that something is racist.)

That said, the revelation that the Butcher did a military tour in Europe and fell in love with the culture and just wants to drink wine and visit art museums now is fucking hilarious.

What the absolute FUCK did they do the Crows. I like the Crow characters from Tevinter Nights/the comics, and Zevran is my favorite character in the whole damn franchise, but they completely whitewashed both TN's mafia take on them and their original portrayal in DA:O. But it also doesn't really retcon anything, making it instead seem like the human trafficking and torture and sexual abuse that Zevran suffered at the Crows' hands A) only happened to him individually, and B) are fine, actually??? Even the very few times that characters express reservations about working with Lucanis because he's an assassin, if you play as a Crow, those concerns get immediately backpedaled, so the Crows end up being so ironed out that the game doesn't even let characters say of the Crows, "Murder is bad," lest it hurt a Crow Rook's feelings. That is how conflict-averse the writing is.

So I guess everyone in southern Thedas is...dead now? Several characters survived long enough to get a mention from the Inquisitor, but by the end, it sounds like Orlais, Ferelden, and most of the Free Marches are pretty much donezo. When Epler said the events in southern Thedas didn't matter, I didn't expect that to mean they were going to nuke the damn place. Even having generally enjoyed VG (in spite of all my criticisms here) that, uh...doesn't leave me enthused about the future of the franchise, ngl.

The layoffs of several writers (and other Bioware employees) before the game's release was obviously heinous. But after that secret ending, I'm now of the mind that of the writers that remain, at least a few of them need to be demoted. Like literally what the fuck was that. That was the dumbest plot point to ever appear in a Dragon Age game, and that is a high bar to clear. If you're not going to acknowledge our past choices, then keep Loghain's name out of your fucking mouths.

[dontmixpaintinyourcoffee]

Last one for tonight, these boys are singlehandedly curing my art block

Trying to figure out the shapes of Zach's hair.. getting there I think.

I'm such a sucker for a character that Witnesses The Horrors on a daily basis. Naturally Zachery is one of my favorites so far. I especially love a character that Witnesses The Horrors and still chooses to be kind and helpful whenever they can

I think I got the face where I want it to be by the fourth face in the line. That and the big one on the left are the closest to what I'm going for with this guy

One detail I think is cute is from one of the official portraits, I tried to make it so every time you see his tie it's a little skewed. Just tied a little wrong. I imagine this drives Liam up the wall and he has to correct it every time. It will inevitably be wrong again by the end of the adventure.

Not entirely sold on this way of drawing Zach's weird popping magic, but it's a start I think. I do think it's kind of electrical and bright, but maybe only he can see the colors well? Like maybe everyone else hears the pops and sees little blots of color, like when you look directly at the sun and then look away, but instead of being on your eyes it's sort of... Hovering in the air.

[alexanderlightweight]

Prompt for Wednesday, if it pleases 💜

I know you literally just posted marriage of inconvenience, so totally get it if you don’t wanna think about it anymore, but I am obsessed, fascinated, been thinking about it all day. I especially love that we got Magnus’s take on things, and also Jem taking one look at Alec and being like “lmao Magnus of course when you steal a Nephilim you pick top shelf”

The actual prompt—what is everyone else’s reaction!? Jace, bereft of a sucker to tie Clary to? Maryse, mother-in-law to Magnus Bane. The Clave, suddenly missing their scapegoat/fix it guy? How does the warlock community take Magnus suddenly being married/bonded after like four hours of conversation. Do the NY shadowhunters loyal to Alec (because we love a competent, well-loved and respected HOTI Alec) think Alec’s been enchanted or are they just happy he’s with anyone but Clary?

And, of course, any Malec post-fic vibes you have are always loved, valued, and appreciated.

i actually wrote half of it three years ago and the rest just recently when my health got better, so i'm not exhausted with it or anything, but thank you for checking that's incredibly sweet. i actually really love that verse and have filled a few other prompts for more of it so this was fun and I finally tackled a non malec pov for this fic. i hope you enjoy!

also please remember Jace is an unreliable narrator dealing with a lot of trauma and also self-denial. he thinks he's in love with his sister and he's really struggling with that. A LOT. he canonically doesn't think of alec's feeling and wellbeing until last or when alec's injuries pain jace (which he doesn't have in this verse). he's so caught up in clary and wanting clary that he can't even try to understand why alec would be upset with marrying her when it's all jace wants/ed.

--

Jace is pacing frantically through the Institute halls.  

Alec hasn’t been seen since he went out for a lone patrol and reported everything was fine and that he was marking some new streets that had been renamed.

That was fine.

Everyone knows that Alec is trying very desperately to spend as little time as possible in the Institute because of the impending wedding.

Which is just selfish to Jace.  

Alec gets to marry Jace’s sister. The girl Jace thought he could love, Clary. Who is absolutely amazing and perfect and Jace still wishes, sometimes though he never lingers on it. 

But Alec is acting like he’s being stabbed through the heart and tortured or even deruned.  Jace has never seen him so miserable in their entire life and he doesn’t get it.

He wishes, once again, that Alec hadn’t backed out of their parabatai bond. That Alec hadn’t made the excuse of, ‘we want different things and positions in life, Jace’.  Like it was that big of a deal that Jace had no intention of someday being a Head of Institute or Consul or Inquisitor or some higher position like Alec wanted. Jace would be happy to be a commander, but he also wasn’t fussed about when it happened. 

Sure things got a little boring, but commanders had more paperwork and weren’t sent out on as many missions. Jace wanted to wait before he stuck himself half-behind a desk like Alec was trying so hard to do.

So in that way, he had understood a little, that it would have been hard when Alec achieved his goals and went to Idris and Jace stayed at whatever Institute he was a part of. It had hurt though, the rejection and this hurts even more. They could finally be brothers, since they aren’t parabatai.  They could call each other brother and it would be recognized and if Jace can’t have Clary then the only person he would want to, is Alec. 

“Izzy!” He calls when he sees her.  She’s been hot and cold since the marriage was announced.  Acting like she’s both thrilled Clary is going to become family and also guilty, avoiding Alec who isn’t even talking to her. 

Which may be why she’s avoiding him. Izzy hates it more than any of them when Alec shuts them out.

“Jace.” And she’s not smiling, she hasn’t been smiling much unless Clary or that mundie pest of Clary’s is around. “Have you seen Alec?”

“No, I was just about to ask you. Any ideas? He should have been back by now, even if he did spend all night out alone to avoid everyone, it’s noon. He never stays out this late.”

Izzy looks as worried and miserable as Jace feels and he’s about to suggest they go talk to Hodge when a fire message appears out of the air and Izzy snatches it with whip-like reflexes. 

“It’s from Alec.” She sounds relieved but instead of a smile her face twists further into a frown.

“What is it, Iz?” Jace asks leaning close over her shoulder to peer at the note. It’s weird, Izzy still feels more like his sister than Clary and he wishes he could figure out how to have that kind of easy, sibling relationship with Clary.

He’s hoping it will be better after Alec marries her, he would never covet Alec’s wife. Couldn’t, it would be too big a betrayal of the bond they share and have nurtured since childhood. That Alec was and is the only one Jace would tie his soul to, because he wants Alec to be tied to him in return.

To always be Alec’s little brother, to be protected and cared for the way Alec has always done for Izzy and Max and Jace once he became as close a Lightwood as he could come.

“He’s not coming back until the day of the wedding, apparently he’s decided that he just needs a few days to himself.”

Jace wants to hit something, preferably Alec at the moment.

“So what, he’s just going to leave before the wedding? What is Clary supposed to think about this? Did he even think about how she’s going to feel?”

“I’m pretty sure you’re more upset than Clary will be,” Izzy says slowly, watching him carefully. “Are you okay?”

“No, I’m not okay! Alec is ruining this for everyone, why can’t he just stop for a minute?”

“Hey!” And Izzy sounds upset now and Jace hates it when she’s upset. It reminds him of her when she was eleven and crying because Jace wasn’t handling the transition of living with the Lightwood’s very well. Alec had told him that if he ever made Izzy cry again, Jace could forget Alec being his brother, because he wasn’t going to be a brother to someone who purposefully made their siblings cry. 

“Alec didn’t choose this. Remember! This was picked by everyone but him.” And Jace recognizes now what the guilt he’s seen on her is from. “If he needs a few days to wrap his head around not getting a choice, then he gets them. No tracking him, Jace. I’m serious.” And Izzy clips off, only her hands clenching and unclenching again and again betray her guilt and what Jace thinks might be shame.

He does feel a little bad, but not enough to be guilty. 

Anyone should be honored to marry Clary, Jace’s sister. Alec is just being stubborn because he and Clary butted heads when she showed up. Once Alec’s back and the wedding has happened, things will be fine. Better than fine, they’ll all be family.

[popculturebuffet]

2024 Election Special! 4 Election Themed Episodes Reviewed! (Comission for WeirdKev27)

Hello all you happy people! It's election day when this comes out and i'm okay. I'm fine... honest

Yup not the least bit worried that against all odds and increasingly deranged behavior a petty dictator is going to win the election, deport god knows how many innocent people, destroy trans rights and swallow democracy whole yup yup i'm... i'm.. fine. But I could use a break and had the idea with Kev to do a big election specail. And we'll be doing this every two years.. i'd keep it to four and skip midterms but in deciding what I was going to review we found a LOT. Election Episodes are some of the funnest episodes on tv and a popular as hell theme that can be done both to tie into a presidetnal election that year or just for funsies and can be done on so many levels. They can be a big subplot, as many a sitcom do, or in these cases an excuse for fun shenanigans and political satire. THey also provide a nice break.

So for your pleasure we have four episodes from the 90's that show both how politics have changed.. and how they somehow really, truly, depressingly haven't and need to. It'll be both a depresing look at how we got in the position where one of our options is a destructive tyrant, and a fun break from that possible nightmare scenario that I deeply hope dosen't happen and instead we'll all be celebrating Kamala's victory. So join me under the cut as I look at some classic cartoons and try not to get too depresed.

A Goof of the People (Goof Troop, Season 1 Episode 37) Good old episode 37.. in a row. I haven't watched a ton of Goof Troop but I like what i've seen and frankly when Kev told me what this episode was about after watching it.. I HAD to review it at some point. Trust me folks this one is bonkers in the conkers and it is glorious.

So right away a local factor from Slimeco is putting out enough polution to kill Goofy's garden and blacken the sky. When prompted by max to go give these fellas a talking to he meets the CEO , a sludge monster, figuratively and literally, Fenton Sludge who is livid Goofy would suggest he'd loose 3 cents of profit and throws him out.

The saddest part is the part about a ceo not doing the right thing because it'd cost pennies is entirely accurat... as is that most CEO's these days are captain planet villians. Even the ones in favor of the environment make threatning tweets abou ta presidenttial canditate or creepy overtures to someone already in a relationship under the misguided assumption endorsing a candiate is a come on.

So Max suggests his dad run for mayor. And I do love Max's position as hype man this episode: he can't do anything as a kid.. but he can convince someone he can and I love the faith he has in his dad: Goofy may fuck up just getting out of bed in the morning, but he's an honest kind guy who does the right thing and Max knows that and respects it.

So goofy runs for mayor and as a result we get a classic how to short, as he reads a book on it. Naturally with Corey Burton, who has kept the role of the how to narrator to this day, doing the narration. I forgot he did this as far back as goof troop but i'm greatful. Shaking hands, kissing babies insue. Goofy dosen't seem to get to the chapters on graft, dancing a little sidestep, or crushing your enemies and see them driven before you. He gets enough to be a compitent politican though.

Pete finds out about this and laughs it off.. till he realizes Goofy's anti polution platform is popular, and thus he can steal it and get a limo and wear hawiaan shirts and fancy top hats. He'd be a god I say A GOD.

Pete's Family isn't convinced since Pete removes smog regulators from his cars for no paticular reason, says recycling is for suckers and assinated archduke ferdinand. They buy his blantant lies about having decided to change and the race is on: Goofy VS Pete. Despite blatantly reading off a script Pete starts to gain traction, but Goofy's still ahead.

Sludge is angry and I love how over the top they play him: They lack subtley in thier anti green aseop but it's refeshing to see a ceo played as such a tounge in cheek hammy nightmare. His solution is bribes but Goofy is too clean. So he decides to lean on pete as pete just has that "takes bribes gladly" energy about him, which proper research backs up. I love the scene of Pete taking the bribes too, putting them in his pants and Sludge just telling him to have at it. Jim Cummings gets to have a LOT of fun this episode and makes me want to watch more episodes to see more of pete's antics on his performance alone.

So pete does a full 180, baby, and even does a hackneed political stunt diving into a lake to show it's toxin free and proven wrong. Oh if every republican doing a stupid stunt actually paid conseuqences for it. Goofy is still winning so Sludge goes with plan D: Frame him. If your curious plan A was do nothing and hop ehe looses, plan B was pete, and Plan C was : Find some dirt on him. But Goofy dosen'tk now what a prostitute is though i'm sure he'd be a lovely customer. Pay extra, complinment his escort, bring his own condoms, good at sex. I mean look at goofy. Goofy fucks. You know it, I know it, we all know this as a fact but no one ever talks about it and it's about time someone talked about it again.

So Sludge hides toxic waste in goofy's garage and Goofy has no idea what ot do. Thankfully sludge left a literal slime train and Max encourages goofy to go kick his ass. Sludge is ready to throw hands, only for a sludge monster to rise out of the barrels in goofy's garage, go to the factory and call him dada. Then goofy kills this innocent child with a jar of clean air he kept since he was a lad that was set up later but I didn't mention till now because shut up. This also cures sludge who agrees to stop poluting and open a ballet school.

So Goofy wins and while it probably never comes up again, is mayor for the rest of the serie sand for eons. The time of God Emperoror Mayor Goofy is upon us LONG LLIVE THE FIGHTERS

So this episode is very over the top and really fun. While the commentary on polution is about as subtle as a brick

The politics bit is savier, showing how politicans will gladly sell out their morals for bribes. It's not subtle about that either but in a time when Batman the Animated Series couldn't have the mayor be corrupt because THINK OF THE CHILDREN, the fact they got away with this is notable and it's cahtartic as special intrests have only gotten more brazen these days. A sollid episode that delivers some peak pete, a goofy villian and a how to short. Good stuff

All the Duke's Men (The Critic, Season 2 Episode 8) Onto the most obscure show in this bunch and one of my faviorite Adult Cartoons the critic, a short lived cartoon by at the time former simpsons showrunners Al Jean and Mike Reiss, before Al Jean would be god emperor of simpsons for a few decades.

The Critic is a show I loved, covered before but was reluctant to cover this time as between my valentine's special a few years back and now John Lovitz sucks a whole lot more, having gone full alt right and appearing on fox news. That said I realized watching this that while Lovtiz is a major reason for the shows success, he's not the only person and i'ts a deservice to all the other talented people on this show, who wrote it and made it to stop loving it just because it's stars an ass. I can sidestep that for rosanne, I can sidestep it for the critic. Jon Lovitz can suck but he can't make this show suck.

That said whlie I love the Critic on rewatch for this All the DUke's men is a wobbly ass episode. I remembered it for it's best jokes and Duke's run for president, which is one of the funniest thing the show did. I never really reflected on the fact it's weighed down with dated refrences, from Michal Dukakais to Ross Perot who they made funny regardless of the refrence before

It dosen't help the first joke of the ep is a lazy mashup of Risky Buisness, Interview with a vampire and rain man.

The episode starts strong with a simple premise: Jay, our titular critic, helps his son Marty win class president. I don't mind this as a launch pad and i'ts great for gags, especailly from the principal of Marty's School, a delightfully cruel asshole with a distinctive laugh.

The problem is the subplot overstays it's welcome, lasting for about half the episode despite adding nothing to the duke plot, which is more intresting and coudl've used more time. It got plenty, but this is such a choice premise I know they coudl've done more. Instead we get "marty's class dosen't want to work". We get some great gags out of it: like Golden Age Simpsons, even a weak critic episode is packed with iconic jokes. Jay assures his son a real politican dosen't goof off and eat candy.. only to think of regan

Thankfully we get way more of Duke Phillips jay's box. Duke is an egotistical southern billionare played wonderfully by the late charles napier. And yup an idiot bilillonare running for president for his own ego and power sounds familiar, and the sad part is Duke would still be a better president. Though i'm sure he'd also be good friends with Hannibal Lecter. The diffrence is even being a movie character, Hannibal Lecter could plausably exist in the critic universe.

While it starts a tad slow once we get to act 2 the episode picks up and dosen't really leave off. The final gag of marty's subplot is great, with him only able ot mak ea horses ass ("Your watching fox, give us ten minutes and we'll give you an ass"), that gets set on fire and destroys cats ("And nothing of value was lost") and once i'ts gone we get some really good jokes. Highlights, since it's so rapid fire include Duke promisnig a group of zombies "the most human flesh since rosevelt", finding out Doris, jay's makeup lady is there to find a husband, Duke finding out the irish can vote and rethinking his poster

And using the EVIL EYE on a reporter. While jay is initially happya s Duke's speechwriter, figuring he can use his powers for good he gets uneasy. This is proven right as Duke's vp candiate is Jay's father Franklin.

Franklin.. is the best character on the show. Duke is an easy second.. but Franklin is primarly there to be a joke machine. Mildly senile, Franklin's primary role is to get into weird shenanigans, from mistaking a scarecrow for Wilson from home improvment, to trying to pull a missus doubtfire to see his children more often ("You can see them anytime" "Well who wants to do that?"), gluing everything to a celing, makign the worlds first fishmobabywhilrmagig, dancing his his underwear and destroying genuica in a hellicopter with a small child. And that's just a small list of great shit Franklin has done. This character is comedy gold and I wish we'd gotten more seasons or more spotlight episodes

I also wish he was in this one more as I forget HOW late he comes in, only having a few scenes. However as typical for Franklin he only needs a few to kill it: i'm not exagerating when I say EVERY second this character is on screen is funny. He rips off his hair because he "won't wear this toupee anymore".. only for jay to point out he dosen't wear a toupee "I will from now on. He follows up a fairly witty defense of his vp run by putting a stocking on his head and declaring "now let's rob that banks", pops into position for the debate with a cartoony sound effect, and declares "As the first black female head of the ku klux klan i'd like to say america stinks!". Capped by Duke's response "This might hurt us more than it helps us." This is all in the span of about two and a half minutes and it is delightful.

The episode resolves wobbly as Jay is reluctant to fire his own dad and again I wish we'd had more time with this subplot. If nothing else than to get more of Franklin and Duke interacting as this is the only time they do all series and even then they dont' share one conversation.

The ending though is one of the funneist scenes of the show. It starts with an apocalypse now parody that while a bit fat jokey, still makes me giggle and I quoted it from memory easily with kev

You know with all the musicals based on movies these days I really would watch an apocalypse now musical. But it's comedy gold. Duke interupting the show and wanting Jay to fire his dad Causes Duke to fire him from his campaign and go rogue. Duke's whole speech is great from his horrible polices (Regan: Reganomics is making a comeback)! to one of my faviorite jokes in the series

Duke then goes to put on some leather and go get spanked, having sunk his campaign. If only he ran in 2016. If only.

All the Duke's Men is uneven as hell, but still has some of the series best jokes. Plot wise it's a mess, but joke wise despite some very dated refrence humor, it fucking nails it enough times to make up for it. THere are better episodes, but this one's still worth a watch. And to my delight I found out the series is now on Tubi. Tubi: Thank god you exist you beautiful free channel. I'm not even being paid to shill for tubi i've just grown to love it more and more as more and more shows with no other home get added.

A Head in the Polls (Futurama Season 2, Episode 3)

Honestly i'm happy to get the chance to talk about futurama more. I haven't gotten to a ton and i'ts one of fox's best shows and revisiting this episode, i'd never noticed how good this one was. This episode is DENSE with jokes. Futrama was at peak simpsons level of joke density at this point and it's glorious: The characters are settled so they can just rattle them off, starting with a scary door segment brilliantly spoofing time enough at last (A Twilight Zone episode I never really liked as the ending feels overtly cruel when the character at the center had done nothing wrong, but I like as a parody as it points out he could just lead large pring.. thene sclates it with him loosing his eyes, then his hands, then just falling apart and oh hey look at that weird mirorr.

Fry and Bender are sidestepping the ongoing election. And fry's incredibly stupid opinons on voting have aged like fine wine in a cellar paired with a very nice cheese.

Yeah given the sheer mind boggling number of people who are planning not to vote to stick it to the man and protest the fact VP Harris probably won't put pressure on Isreal if elected. Which is bad, not going to sugarcoat it. We need to put pressure on her if she's elected to make sure she actually does something. I can't guarantee that will do anything but you know what I can guarantee won't do anything positive? Not voting.

Yeah I need to take a second to talk to all of you who are planning not to vote like fry here. Short version:

Long version: There are millions of immigrants and trans people whose lives will be worse and have their lives and futures taken away if Trump gets elected. All of our lives WILL be worse under Trump. That's not an assumption, that's not me castrosphsing that's fact: Trump is loosing it, which is remarkable given he was always unhinged but apparently there is depths to which he can sink, calling hannibal lecter a good friend, dancing for forty minutes for no reason, shouting about eating dogs in a way that geninely hurt the community his running mate made shit up about and refused to take back, and plotting ot murder his enemies and drink their blood. He hasn't SAID the latter yet but you know he's thinking it an dyou KNOW he's one rally away from saying it. Even if he wasn't he's a vile racist, sexist, transphobic, homophobic, xenophobic, selfish, hateful, greedy, sad, spiteful hateful asinine creature a pupil with no scruples who knew better than the teacher and I've taken as much from him as any man can. We barely survived 4 years of him and millions didn't thanks to his turning COVID into a culture war. We will ikely not surivive a second trump presdiency that will last until he somehow blows the earth itself up or chokes on a chicken bone. Whichever comes first.

It's fine to be disapointed, it's fine to not like who your voting for. But not voting only hurts YOU and tons of innocent people your saying you don't give a shit about. I learned this the hard way: I voted third party pissed Bernie got edged out by the democrats in favor of someone who while not NEARLY as bad as trump, is still an objectively terrible person.. .and while I don't blame myself soley for Trump winning, I do still regret voting jill stein.. not helped by the fact it's very clear she sucks at this point but I digress. Not voting just to make a flashy point does nothing to actaully make said point as not enough people are going to risk another trump regime to be marytrs. Or as a wise asshole once put it

You probably didn't expect a strong rebuttal of "just don't vote man" assholes but my patience with them has worn out and it was barely there to begin with.

Back to the future, where not tolerating Fry's apathy, Leela drags him to a political convention showing off all the diffrent parties. This is a buffet of great gags starting with the presidental candiates both being clones of the same guy.

It's a gag that's aged shockingly well considering the current state of the Republican Party

As it highlights an issue I HAVE had with the democratic party: It's refusal to actually go as far to the left as it's constiuncy wants, trying to always pull more towards the middle. So the joke hits and makes this the perfect accidental metaphor for what happened to politics: the bland figures who always populated it tried to treat politcs as it always had: one party get sin power, the other gets in power, things shift back and forth, instead of "One party wants democracy, the other party wants a dictatorship". As a result a dangerous asshole marches directly into office... through the wall after killing several people.

Backing up we get a lot of fun sight gags here: There's the bull space

moose party

Good to see Bullwinkle surivived this long. I thought he was dead. The green party

Just.. never not going to love this pun. And even the antisocialist party which I'm sure is just tucker carlson's head ranting in a soundrpoof booth for several hours.

We get a fun gag with the non conformist party, but my faviorite here is the NRA, the national raygun assiocation which wants to end wait times for mad scientests and whose rep has mutated anthrax "For duck huntin" just the way he says it.

So Fry is at least intrested in politics when the plot pivots, bu tI like this opening set piece as unlike most simpsons-style opening set pieces, it comes back around. For now Bender finds out thanks to an alluminum mine collapse that the owner plans to pave over and get on with his life, Bender's body is now woth a lot of money. So he sells it.

The concept.. is so dumb it works. From Bender telling a dog that pees on him "You just lost forty dollars" after offering to pay it not to whiz on him (The confedence sells it) to his little car he drives around in, they find a lott tof fun shit to do with Bender as a head. I paticuarlly love him insulting everyone then having to ask someone to carry him to the head useum. I also love the head musuem having big named stars, character actors and tv actors... though the gag of their section being run down is one of those things that reminds you "OH yeah it's the 90's when this was written".

Bender runs into NIxon who misses his flebitus ridden body and Bender talking to the presidents heads makes him miss his own. I love his nightmare of binary and his fear after tha t"I saw a two"

A nice little thing I noticed this go round is that there is in fact a two in bender's nightmare

So bender goes back to get his body regretting it. And while the turnaround is quick. i'm fine with it. Bender had a nightmare, wants his body back, but it's already been sold. Simple, gets us along, and gets us to my second faviorite gag of the episode

That smash cut is so amazing. As is the fact it's just.. there. THey just move on with the plot with fry naked for a scene. Bender soon finds out where his body went: Richard Nixon. And look while this episode is great as is, this last act is one long excuse to let Billy West ham it up to high heaven as Nixon. They clearly loved his goofy impression of the goblin in the pilot and just let him go off. We get Nixon singing feed your head ("I'm meeting you halfway you stupid hippies"), saying i'm not a crooks head, he had to say the thing, and sweating on the debate stage as he's asked if he'd still candy from a baby. And is reminded he's under truth o scope, something I badly wish we had. I also love it going insane when he says "I certainly wouldn't harm the child". I'd also be remiss if I didn't point out the third best joke of the episode:

And just to prove their on a fucking roll , the next part has the gang sneak in to see nixon, which leads to the best joke of the episode, and one of my faviorites of the series, one i've played on a loop after rediscovering it. Unlike the others i'm not going to use morbotron for this one as while the gag would still be funny enough you REALLY have to hear Billy West's Delivery

Every part of this gag is perfect: Nixon calling Bender a "drugged up communist", the fact Checkers is also somehow in a jar and looks adorable and just how fucking angry he sounds. He is so livid over the slightest yelp from his good boy.

So our heroes have no choice but to break into the watergate. And the gag about "They give you a discount if you've been here before".. makes no sense. Nixon didn't break into the watergate. He gave his most unhinged minon orders to deal with the election and it spiraled from there. I would love to see G Gordon Liddy's head one of these days by the by. The man is more of a paranoid asshole than nixon and that's saying something: over the course of behind the bastards 6 party I learned he set himself on fire (Something I wasn't sure if Gaslit made up or not but nope) repedetly, constantly brought up the nazis ANY time there was a plan to a horrifying and comical degree, and spent a good chunk of time romaing around his neightborhood beating up teenagers. Like Nixon the man is both one of history's greatest monsters and a cartoonish weirdo we can point and laugh at.

At any rate our heroes ALMOST pull it off.. almost then fry gets caught in some magic tentacles and we get the most iconic part of this episode.

This is going to be trumps victory speech if he wins swear to god. Unless we can get Sir Anthony Hopkins to play Hannibal Lecter again long enough to get him to resign. They are good friends. Maybe even Brian Cox, he's just as good and frankly I don't think Trump's observant enough to tell them apart. Plus with Brian Cox he's strong enough to just whap him on the back of a head with a candal stick and tell him to fuck off the second his back is turned which solves the problem anyway.

Bender records all this because candiates were capable of being ousted for being blatant corrupt monsters back then

But as is the standard now Nixon.. still wins thanks to a giant kille rdeath machine. or you know appealing ot bpeoples most base instincts. Either way

And hopefully not a chilling vision of things to come. The episode itself is fucking great though: while the trump presidency helped it age gracefully it has good things to say about voting (ironically leela forgets to vote) how similar parties can be and the dangers of people like Nixon. It also has that naked jump cut, nixon yelling at a dog and going into people's houses at night to wreck up the place. It's a fantastic episode and one i'll defintely be rewatching again.

Season 2, Episode 20

So onto our only live action show of the special, and like animation we were spoiled for choice

Which is a valid stance and better than the republicans stance of "We want to tell you what to do with your body."

But Kev went with dinosaurs for reasons and i'm not inclined to turn down muppets, especially since we haven't covered Dinosaurs. I should do a block of those next year.

For those not familiar with it: Dinosaurs was a family sitcom following well. dinosaurs made by the jim henson company. It has a ton of great muppets, bodysuits and other good stuff and is esentially what if the flintstones were even more cyncial

Okay take about ten percent off Mark Russel's take and you really do have it. The show isn't subtle, but it is funny, and has great performances and I now want to check out more. If you want ot learn more Youtuber Jose has done a retrospective on it.

For now we're covering the election episode as Earl, the head of the house and your standard sitcom husband and Fran, his wife played by the late great jessica walter are taking their youngest child Baby Sinclair to get a name that's not just baby. I love how they lampshade it too: earl is morfitied it took them so long and fran recaps season 1 in pointing out why they've been too busy.

I do love how they build up dinosaur culture: while there are obvious anlaogues to us there seems to be uniqyue stuff baked in from what i've read, and this episode showcases it and sets off the plot well: the elder, basically president but in a more mystic way with a wizard robe and everything, picks a name. HIs name for baby is "Aaah Aagh I'm Dying You Idiot" Also he's dying. Sure i't sa concidence.

This name dosen't go over well with Baby. Which i'd care about if Baby wasn't an annoying catchprhase machine who should be left for the wolves. Or I guess this guy

So fun fact this guy also shows up in the opening.. and having not seen dinosaurs, I had no idea wha tthe fuck this thing was. I still don't but at least I know it's a recurring monster that's also some kind of demon that ate Earl and his son RObbie once.

So with the elder gone a dark force rises to take his place, JP Richfield, head of wesayso corpration and corrupt asshole played to perfection by Sherman Hemsley. While he'd love to just be elected elder, it has to APPEAR fair so he picks an idiot to run against him who somehow looks worse. Naturally earl gets the job and agrees to take a dive.

How he does it.. is shockingly funny. He sings how lovely to be a woman from bye bye birdie, a musical I dearly love> That song.. I do not. I mean Telephone Hour, You Gotta Be Sincre, One Last Kiss, Lotta LIvin To Do, all bangers but that one just.. isn't. Earl however fucking belts it well. The joke shoudln't work as it could easily fall into the trap of "GET IT A MAN ACTING FEMININE IS FUNNY AND WE'RE JUST A TENSY BIT TRANSPHOBIC". It does slightly, but holds up decently due to how much Earl commits to the bit and how fucking weird that.. that's what Jp Chose to have earl do, showing he both deeply loves bye bye birdie, that it exists here somehow, and that Earl also knows all the words. It hasn't aged perfectly, but Stuart Patakin commits to the bit and tom fisher in the suit gives the thing way more physicallity than I thought possible.

SO earl's family is naturally ashamed of him.. granted that's thei natural state but willingly throwing an election to a corrupt billionare is a bit far even for him. Thankfully he has a guilty nightmare that shows his family out on the street thanks to Richfield that turns him around. Dinosaurs REALLY said EAT THE RICH and tha'ts awesome. I mean they may of not sait it outright but they imnplied it hard in how the rich just want to make themselves and thei rbuddies richer and everyone else can go screw.

So Earl decides to genuinely run.. and by that I mean blather nervously to his interveiwer edward r hero, who interviews both candiates alongside normal dinosaurs anchor howard handupme, one of the best names in all of fiction. When that fails he's told by Robbie to just dance a little sidestep, and we get a great scene of earl just.. ignoring interview questions and talking about his children. Which is as hilarous as it is deeply sad that that shit works. I also like the headline afterword of they bought it.

Robbie has doubts and says a line that's just. so damn cutting and relevant "Winning an election dosen't mean your qualifeid to be president" Preach sister, preach. Earl has another nightmare and decides to tank the election.

The result.. is comedy gold as Earl fully comes out as a massive dumbass who is not qualified at all. Please don't vote for him. While RJ is pissed of that Earl accidently outs his election fraud. Edward R Hero laments that is this REALLY the best democracy can do? A choice between an idiot and a despot? Given that really was our choice four years ago, I can relate.

Thankfully the dinosaurs instead vote for hero, the world is saved and Baby is named.. baby while Earl laments he could do the job

This episode is solid. On the nose as hell but fun. I may of not had a lot to say, but I did enjoy this one and wouldn't mind covering dinosaurs again sometimes. It's got that muppet charm with an added bit of cynism tha'ts unique. It feels like a more succesful version of land of gorch: same ambition and adult audience (Though still watchable by kids unlike land of gorch), but with that muppet style

Episode Ranking: A Head in the Polls And the Winner Is A Goof of the People All the Duke's Men

Note that none of these episodes are bad. Their all enjoyable slices of election episode with some stuff to say. But they all also say the same thing: voting is important, and evil triumphs by good men doing nothing and poltiikcs has sadly alwasy been like this on some level the republicans just stopped putting up a pretense of giving a shit about basic decency. So thanks for reading and

So register and please vote for kamala harris and tim walz, the crazy taxi ticket and I mean that as the highest compliment. I"m gonna put on some leather and go get spanked, goodnight everybody!

[weirdestcornelius]

there's old art of doom having a more crooked, "ugly" design that was probably changed for doomi reasons and making him clearer as a good guy, but honestly I think it should've been kept. he looks like a stereotypical villain but hates what he had to do and is good, whereas cuddles, disguising as a cute bunny, is pure evil. it'd be an interesting contrast

I'm a bit biased when it comes to this because I just genuinely love unsettlingly cute or fucked up looking characters but I think this would be such a cool concept to have kept.

I liked Doom and Moods original designs more because it shows they're twins, but gives more differences between them. The way Dooms nose is scrunched up and they're all sweaty and hunched over whereas Moods nose is curled and she just looks really bouncy (?) for lack of better word. Gives more contrast between them, mainly from shape theory; Doom is more "sharp" looking which sets off the "bad guy" signal in our brains while Cuddles and Mood are more "round" which makes them seem more inviting and appealing. If you don't believe me look at literally any marketable mascot out there, I can guarantee you that many of them are rounder looking instead of being made out sharper shapes.

I've always liked Cuddles' original design more because I know I'm not the only one who could look at him and say there's something off. I'm a sucker for characters that look so cute and innocent to the point where you KNOW it's fake. You KNOW there's something wrong with that guy because there's something there that is off putting. Even if you removed the saw he's holding in that one old art piece he still looks uncanny with how fluffy and stereotypically cute he is paired with that really big smile. Now with Cuddles' new design, I really can't tell how outsiders are supposed to find him welcoming or appealing? A big chunk of his character (to me, at least) is how he's used pretty privilege to his advantage by making himself look more marketable to lure more people in, considering we can only assume that naked mole rats are not considered attractive on Spinch with how much Kc jokes about him being ugly. I personally love naked mole rats and could infodump about how cool they are for hours but. That's beside the point.

I've always taken the way he was originally designed as a way to show how big corporations or famous people in general paint themselves in a friendly, appealing light when in reality a lot of them take advantage of the poor and ruin lives. As for Doom I just thought his looks were a good contrast to his sister, not just how I stated above but also how it shows off the different sides of coping. Doom themselves looks sweaty, nervous, and angry whereas Mood has seemed to block off any negativity and is painting herself in a happy eccentric light despite the onslaught going on around her, seemingly cutting herself off from what is happening entirely. If you looked at the older art, at first glance you'd probably assume Cuddles and Mood are the good guys considering how cute and appealing they look, but even though there's something obviously off about Cuddles I feel like it would still be surprising for the cute little bunny man to end up being the guy who has killed people compared to the tall, multi-limbed rat.

So yeah. I miss a lot of things about older Cuddles and Doom. I miss Dooms bitchiness and annoyance towards the patients. I miss how Cuddles used to actually have good character that could make room for so many character arcs compared to what he is now, just existing to be the bad guy and that's it. I'm honestly hoping he actually has some sort of backstory and it isn't just "he's mean because he was born that way" because I know that people aren't bad from instinct. It's how we're raised and influenced that makes us bad people. I have some personal headcanons for Cuddles that tie into this.

this got so long and ranty I'm sorry anon

[libraryfag]

feel free to pick & choose if this is too many, but merrily (as well), trc, and hamlet for the ask game!!

holy trinity of media that makes me insane about tragedy!

Merrily:

Favorite character: a tie between Charly and Mary.... i literally cannot chose between them Second favorite character: Frank, to complete the trio, he's such an asshole but i do love him

Least favorite character: Not a proper answer because I really don't have a least favorite character but gussie was honestly done a little bit dirty by the show.i understand that it's a very easy way of showing how the friendship collapsed overtime but the show makes it seem like it was all gussies fault and i feel so bad for her because it wasn't as if she was deliberately doing it it just sorta happened but whatever.

The character I’m most like: hm. i think maybe Act Two Frank specifically just bc im so so in love with theatre. merrily is so so special to me bc it really captures that magic. not a character but i really really relate to Opening Doors bc thats just what writing a show is like or making any art reallly.

Favorite pairing: Frank/Charly/Mary not just platonic not romantic not sexual but a secret fourth thing (including all the above) they loved each other so much!

Least favorite pairing: theo I totally agree with everything you said about frank and meg. i cant think of anyone else i could say so i might as welll copy your answer

Favorite moment: Opening Doors which has grown on me since i heard that Sondheim said it was his only autobiographic song. as well as the previously discussed reliability of it, it's such an earworm, like ive had it stuck in my head basically alll year its crazy. Also it shows how close they were together which makes it incredibly heartbreaking also

Rating out of 10: 9/10. its one of my favourite musicals ever! obligatory point reduction for whatever was wrong with the original production (Hal Prince wtf were you doing casting children??)

The Raven Cycle

Favorite character: Ronan Lynch <3 Second favorite character: oh god. im just going to say chainsaw bc i love her so much and i don't want to single out any of the other protagonists bc then i feel bad.

Least favorite character: Maggie Steifvater is such a great author I cannot name a single character I'm not 100% invested in, even ones that would be so easy to get bored by, like Mr Gray or Greenmantle I need to learn everything about them ever.

The character I’m most like: gansey tbh. to the point where i try not to think about it

Favorite pairing: all of the guys (aka blue, gansey, adam, ronan, noah and maybe henry, i don't know him so well yet). basically the same as my merrily answer, labels don't really matter: what matters is they all love each other so so much its insaneeeeeee. im also a big sucker for whatever ronan and adam have going on

Least favorite pairing: tbh i wasn't so invested in maura and the gray man at first.

Favorite moment: i love it when ronan is protective of chainsaw.. he loves that bird so much

Rating out of 10: 11/10 aka so good its literally having a detrimental impact on my school results and mental health/sleep :)

Hamlet

Favorite character: Hamlet Thee Dane. truly the character of all time

Second favorite character: i think about ophelia every single day

Least favorite character: depends on the production tbh. like i used to not care about laertes and polonius, but i became obsessed with the former either last year or the year before, and the version i read this year (Nicki Greenberg's graphic novel which i would recommend) had a really engaging interpretation of the latter which was so good i got sad when he died.

The character I’m most like: hamlet is literally me btw.

Favorite pairing: tragic danish boyfriends is a classic and brilliant but hamlet and laertes also upsets me so so much. like they are literally perfect foils

Least favorite pairing: ugh. gertrude and hamlet sexually. freud suck my dick

Favorite moment: yes ive seen/read it 5 times now. no, i've never not been emotionally destroyed by the ending

Rating out of 10: 10/10. one of the best pieces of fiction ever. which is a totally subjective statement but also im right.

[rachi-roo]

*glomps u* Surprise Asta tickle HCs!

So, ita been a while, life has gotten in the way and well, my hobbies and interests have just died. So now I'm trying desperately to revive them! Showing some support would reeeally be appreciated so I can keep sharing my content with you guys. ❤️

Black Clover: Asta - Tickle HCs!

Look at him. The boy with his heart set on being the Wizard King. With the powerful demon Bryce Papenbrook by his side, surely he has no weaknesses! Well...

--------------{ }--------------

Lee:

Asta is small. Very small. Shorty McShort-stack. Being this short makes him seem like an easy target, but he is, in fact, one hell of an escape artist. He's a runner he's a track star. If he even thinks an attack is coming his way, he's gone or at least ready to move.

In order to catch said boy, you'll have to use tactics. Get him rambling about magic, as him about his little hyperfixation on the Wizard King. That'll distract him. That's when you attack!

Or you could challenge him to an endurance test! Make him push past his limits, seeing how long he can go without laughing or even just how long he care bare it!

Asta is a nervous giggler, as soon as he's realised you were deceiving him, he's giggling. Pleading through his laughter before it's even started. You'll have to wrestle him down, and he will put up a fight.

"Wait! Wahahait! Nononono! Y-You evil-! Hehelp!"

Despite his endless training that's made him fairly invulnerable to pain, it hasn't stopped how ticklish he is. Pretty much anywhere will get him giggling, but his tummy, knees and the front of his ribs will make him wheezy.

You'll need ear protection because holy crap. He. Is. LOUD. His laughter is big and cheerful, full chested with every bout. Super contagious too.

He gets very embarrassed by how ticklish he is, meaning you need to be nice. Compliment him, tell him how strong and brave he is. His little cheeks will heat up, red and warm.

After a short period of tickles, he'll start hiccuping too. Making him even more embarrassed. The tips of his ears will become tinted pink as he tries to hide his flustered face from view, all wriggly wormy.

He won't usually say stop until he's actually tired out, that's how you know he means it. After tickle head pats are essential. He'll probably go hide under a blanket on the couch to try regain his composure, and a little dignity.

Although he fights and fusses over being tickled, he doesn't hate it, actually he enjoys it quite a bit. An affectionate, or cheere up, poke or two occasionally will make his day. Even a hug with some wandering fingers, he loves those. Or little raspberry kisses on the neck, snuffly lovins. He's a sucker for physical touch but just can't handle the anticipation of an actual tickle attack.

Ler:

Uh ooooh, you've given Asta a reason to tickle you. Are you feeling down? Had a bad day and have been moping around? Or did you perhaps insult his pot potato recipe? Made one too many jokes about pesants or his height perhaps?

If you've had a bad day, your prayers are answered. Astas got you. He'll bring you some foodies, a nice warm drink and he'll sit with you, talking about what went wrong today, even try to see if he can help at all. That's what he does. Once he's done all he can, he'll tie the sad conversation off with some cheere up tickles.

"So, we're gonna smile the rest of the day? Riiiight~?" Incoming wriggly fingers, he's oh so gentle with you. You're sad, of course he's soft. He always comments on your anticipation grin.

"Smiling already? Damn I'm good!" He'll laugh with you as he playfully pokes at random spots all over your tummy and sides, maybe a stray unprotected footer or knee. Finishing up with some head pats and a hug, maybe another poke or two. He's such a good friend to have.

Oops. You've made him mad. You've crossed the line. Drawn the last straw. Astas coming for you. He is small, but mighty. Run if you want, but you won't get far.

Asta likes to use the element of surprise for his attacks. He'll threaten you with an attack and then not do it for hours. Just smiling brightly whenever he sees you. The anticipation is driving you mad.

He'll pounce on you from behind, without you even knowing he's there. He might attack from behind the couch or under a table. And once he's got you, that's that.

Asta LOVES teasing. He'll have a whole completely normal conversation with you whilst he's somehow got you pinned and is wrecking your shit and it's infuriating. He'll pretend your laughter is a response to his conversation or make comments about how you sound.

"Hehe, I never knew you were such a chatter box, Y/N! I love having these talks with you." Whilst you're doing nothing but laughing your ass off.

Because of his height, its easier for Asta to go for the good old 'headlock on the ankles' and attack the feet, whilst he uses his strong legs to hold your torso down. He's like an anaconda, wrapping around it's prey and squeezing. He will attack anywhere he can reach though, his nimble fingers working around each of your worst spots. He's not letting go until he wants to. Way to strong for you to fight off, unless you manage to catch him off guard and tickle him off. He enjoys a fight.

At the end of the day, he knows your limits and will stop once he's reached them. He'll apologise but make sure you've learned your lesson, in a friendly manner. Lots of hugs and shared giggling always follows.

Chaos incarnate. Asta the magic less wizard. Such a sweetheart, my boy. 😭 Although he usually is the position of the Lee, he himself enjoys both sides equally. Make sure to tickle your Asta once a day for a happy and healthy wizard 😁👍

50% Lee - 50% Ler

[lilaccatholic]

I'm new to the Queen's Thief fandom (I was avoiding most online content while reading the books to avoid big spoilers). I wanted to ask you how you would personally rank the books? Is any one book a particular favorite of yours, or do multiple books tie for you?

Oooh this is a good question! Buckle up, because my answer to this one is far from popular consensus lol.

King of Attolia: MY MOST BELOVED. This book is everything to me and I have to physically restrain myself from reading it more often. It's the first time we really see an outside view to Gen's machinations, but joy of all joys, Costis loves him just as we do! Everyone grows to respect him! Everything is resolved beautifully, but almost never in the way you'd think it would! AND EVERYTHING WITH GEN AND IRENE HAS ME ABSOLUTELY FERAL.

Return of the Thief: Maybe I'm just a sucker for happy endings and stories where the little guy wins, but this book and all its twists and turns is so beloved to me. I knew I'd love it so much that finishing it would break my heart, so I deliberately put off finishing it for months. This was such a perfect completion of Gen's story, and it made me want to dance on the rooftops with everyone at the end.

Queen of Attolia: So many of my friends place this one lower, and while I respect them for that, I certainly don't agree! Firstly, I love stories where a character is fundamentally altered in a dramatic way and has to fight to regain who they were, even though they'll never truly be the same again. I also love stories of someone who's closed off and cold learning to open up and let themself be loved again...you can see, then, why I rank QoA so high. That, and nothing has ever been so satisfying as reading "Diplomacy. In my own name." YEAH!!!!!!

A Conspiracy of Kings: Sophos! Going from Bunny to lion!!!! Descovering he's loved more than he ever thought he was! Smacking Gen into remembering they're friends! His adorably sweet relationship with Helen! This book would be my favorite in any other series, but this isn't just any other series, is it?

The Thief: I think my experience with this one might be skewed because it's the only one I read via audiobook instead of in print. I liked it, very much! I love the very grumpy road trip, and I love that, despite the big twist, Gen is still a whiny little brat. Speaking of, WHAT a big twist. It was the first real taste I had that this was going to be a series unlike any other I've experienced.

Thick as Thieves: Despite putting this book last, I actually really did like it, it just didn't have nearly enough Gen in it for me, personally. I like Costis and Kamet is a very fun unreliable narrator, I just really missed the characters I'd grown to care so much about!

I haven't gotten to read Moira's Pen yet, so I don't know how that will rank, but suffice to say I'm sure I'll like it because I adore this series!

Anyone else who wants to give their own ranking is welcome to!

[fallenwingzero]

Now for Fenrir/Duo Jr and Naina's household.

They're married in my game because 1) They are cute together and I'm a sucker for the childhood friends to lover's trope.

2) I love their joined fairytale themes i.e., Cheshire cat/Mad hatter/March Hare and The Queen of Hearts, Little Red Riding Hood and the Big Bad Wolf.

And 3) I just think it would be hilarious to see a Maxwell marry into the Peacecraft family.

First off, Fenrir. Unfortunately, long hair for guys is limited in the Sims 3 so he has no braid. If you zoom in on the second pic though I did make his hair-tie "Queen of Hearts" themed to show how he received it from Naina when they were children.

And of course, his wife Naina. Her outfits are the main one from Frozen Teardrops, a Red Riding Hood themed formal outfit and a Queen of Hearts styled outerwear.

Their house is a "Red Riding Hood" themed cottage on the outside with little fairy gardens and "Alice in Wonderland" themed on the inside.

I also made sure to have Fenrir's career as a magician named "Wolf in Devil's skin", just like in FT.

[the-firebird69]

Celestial Destroys an Entire Planet Scene - Guardians Of The Galaxy (201...

He's deluded and things that the creatures controlled by him and his brain has been chopped up by bullets and no one can stand being near the freaking freak but they don't want to be him and it looks like the cleanse work

Thor Freya

And yeah your freaks and stuff and I have the embeds and so on he says he didn't put the in beds in a stupid root near him cuz he wasn't stupid but that's okay it's not an Antarctica and we know where and we have Giants and you don't they're not real giants. We have Giants in the real they're not real big and they're not real powerful but they're really Giants and he says they're gas bags and we do understand what he's saying so we have to keep yelling and stuff and he doesn't he says he's going to sit there and watch me embarrass myself masticate in front of my daughter screaming yelling in front of the whole world in court and threaten people out loud thinking I'm not on tape with everybody knows go to jail lose my brain think I'm winning it's kind of weird I think I get put back into my body then where were you you idiot yeah that's the stupid part I noticed what you're saying the clam can hit when they're on the side it goes the other side they'll need the duster but it needs to diamonds from your caverns that's why they're having Brian attack you and that blows and I think I'm doing it

Trump

I know why you think it's you but really you should give it a rest nobody cares to hear it and you just get beat up and I have to put up with this huge threat and you running around saying you're doing it and I have to find out cuz they have to put those in beds in there because the computer wouldn't get to them because of the Ent

Zues

This is a heartache and it's a nasty show and you need to shut that guy up he's a retard in a wild card and it doesn't know anything he can't tie his shoes without us you feel nuts fall this more on around

Hera

He's actually heard enough and we see his reactions and nobody believes it's him and he just keeps saying it and he's insane of course and he's a weakling before and now it's gross and people can't stand it which is good soon he'll be out

Olympus

Oh my God this is going to get worse and we hear what he's saying they're going directly for you to take your diamonds out of your caverns using your fight with the idiot and it could be the max fooling everybody

Mac daddy

So I see it you're all fighting each other and you think that you're succeeding and he says the Giants is not ours and it's too big and nobody can get to it and the computer can't get to it and he says I don't have thorium so how am I getting to it without it and know that metal doesn't work he can ask the max so I do see what he's saying and no I haven't been there maybe I should juice up and try and go near well we understand we can't get near it and we do understand what it is and it's going to take over the death Star and it could be an alien I still think I'm controlling it somehow I think I'm having him do it and he says what the f*** would you have me do that for you idiot... It's a good question maybe it's not right the same I think that you are pushover for some reason yeah I guess I can't stand this anymore it's the clearance and I'm not part of the clan they're going after the diamonds you dumb f*** and he's saying it oh wow because I can hear it a little he wants to shut the f****** and get out of here so I can sleep so you can not walk around sleepy in the mall I certainly follow that

Trump

Hehehe this guy won't leave alone is this massive loser it is a sick f**** and we need to stop him today I'll tell you what my husband is going to end up killing that piece of s*** if our people don't understand what he's saying he's the leader and he's telling you to get him away from him now and really you kind of suckers for a deception they want to ruin my husband and ruin your dream I was thinking about how you messed up the whole time and it's a trick and they're doing it on purpose and my husband says I'm going to go through it and sometimes they're like children and we have to have patience and try to teach them and we also have to try and understand what the threats are on our people and us and we do need more secure and safe but really sometimes elders asked a little young and while thinking and so forth not much but it's a little bit naive and Thor and Freya say it true true and really we cannot milk this guy for any more he's gone but we have to it's supposed to be very experiences led me to and they say he's gone and you can't but really his clan is there and we have to run the program but we need safeties how about we call that because really that's what it is you can't come in here and vaporize all of the lead players will say and they're dying anyways and they see it but they don't care if it's that's not the point

Zues I said the top part and he commandeered it Hera

Yeah the guys are not and he's an ass and a jerk and other people having to do stuff and we have to control them more and that Publix was ridiculous he's going to anybody going to stop him from annoying me to death even me just need to self I mean come on get that piece of s*** away from me no it's very rude I mean rude to myself it's wrong yeah I have to be a nice person as well as a leader and control the situation so it dawned on me you're right about something we have problems and big ones so I try to control it and I understand what it is and it was out of control and we do see what and now we have some leaves and some leaks and we can take photos of containing foreigners are containing the Max and they need things and can't access and yeah it's causing them to express them some things that are indicating that they need to lose more.. that was Zeus and Zues later. Really had with our plan today we are going ahead and proceeding with our plan today. Right now bja is in full swing against Trump and these two are just sitting here thanking him because they're completely deluded. This ridiculous now we need to shut them down I don't think it's helping us one bit like he says I can't hear what the hell people are saying and they're using this interference and the guys are freaking nutcase and it's dangerous so we need to do that right now and I also will think that you but they went they went program and I need to get teams in and see what this thing on Friday is I already checked it out and it's crap and you know it's crap did they pay your money and it would turn to s*** and you know that what we want you to know is we don't think it's worth it so you want to see if it's worth it and what you're saying is a kind of soft like diarrhea it's kind of a warning sign this they shouldn't be and we are figuring out a lot of it from just that and it works on the roof thing as a matter of fact I think you're right about something we don't want you working for them at all they're disgusting and what you say is I don't want to work on the roof because that s*** head is there and I don't want to fix his roof it is some symbology so there's symbology with Saturn and yeah let me know you don't care too much about it and you don't care for it either I don't like the idea and he won't be able to get near Earth and we don't want him to be thought of that way and he is disgusting so we are getting ready for the day but you're right he's kept you up on purpose but he's been up to and he's going to be tired and he's going to be out of shape and asking for it if this is going to happen and we're going to blame the clans and the guy can't stand it he threatens our son so we send all sorts of clan like stuff after him and the max try and grab it and we get rid of them and it's going to be robots from his stashes and cashes that he doesn't care about but he doesn't care about his people

Thor Freya

Olympus

[lemonyinks]

Hmmm how about 1, 6, 16 hehe, 18, 27, 30 and 34! for the ask game =D

favorite village

hhmmm I'd have to say village hidden in the sand

6. byakugan, sharingan, or rinnegan

That's a hard one, but I guess sharingan, as generic as the answer is. I just think they look the coolest, especially the mangekyo sharingan. I like how unique they can be to the specific person.

16. since I was maybe 10 or 11? It was actually the first manga I ever read and one of the first thing I ever made fanart for. Its been a while and it just keeps coming back from time to time haha

18. favorite character

That's really hard! It's really a tie between Sai, Lee, Gai, and Sakura, because those characters are all special to me in some way or another. But If I had to chose just one...I would have to go with Lee. He's just a funny little guy with some impressive jutsu. Honestly wish we saw more of him. (And more of the side characters in general, they were all so fun)

27. what animal would you summon

Bunnies probably. Or turtles like Gai. No particular reason as to why, I just like those animals the best.

30. otp

hhhmmm Gai/Kakashi or Ino/Sakura probably, but I honestly am more of a brotp kinda person so i don't have many actual ships tbh. I'm a big sucker for platonic relationships

34. favorite jinchuriki

Gaara for sure. He has a special place in my heart and his relationship with Shukaku is interesting to me.

[hslotharrie]

To My Best Friend

summary: reader faces quarantine at Harry’s and, turns out, it was exactly what they needed to come clean. also, Anne is the superior Mum.

word count: 2.3k

warnings: completely fluff. with marriage + mentions of family? not edited... when do I ever edit

based off of this ask<3

When you wake, the sun is shining through a slightly opened window in the far left corner of your bedroom. You can hear birds chirping amongst themselves from outside, cars driving far in the distance, it's quiet at Harry's home. Peaceful.

It's been a little more than four months since you and Harry decided to bubble at the beginning of quarantine. What you expected to be a few weeks turned into a lot more, but there were no complaints. Harry has the space, is the type to crave company, and you're his best friend.

Best friend.

You roll in the soft sheets, hugging the covers for a few minutes until you inevitably force yourself to get up for the day. You're not sure what sort of expensive luxury bed set this is, but god, they are comfy. You make a mental note to ask him later.

You zone out again on the soft sounds of the birds and the pleasant cool breeze flowing in through the window. You pull your phone from the bedside table to check the time, 10:56– and the weather, sunny and 78. You consider getting in the pool later.

Harry's phone rings somewhere outside of your room, followed by some muffled mumbling from the man himself signalling that he's awake too. You wonder if he's ate yet; he's a sucker for your omelettes and you're craving one about now.

You climb out of bed,  going to the bathroom to tame your hair and brush your teeth, before heading to the kitchen to put together ingredients for the omelettes.

It's about 10 minutes before Harry appears in the kitchen, provoked by the smell. He places a hand on your lower back as a silent 'good morning!' while he stands to your side to admire your cooking. You try your best to ignore the warm feeling that his touch brings; the feeling that makes you wish for more than just a touch.

It makes you nervous, how quickly his presence has you feeling butterflies or how fast he can make you smile when you're in the darkest of moods. You've been sitting on the feelings for years, they were always there, hiding in the back of your head. The feelings that made you wish you'd shared that drink with him just for the second-hand contact to his lips.

Those are the thoughts that make you nervous. You try not to think about them when he's standing right next to you watching your every move with a wandering hand on the small of your back.

He's dressed in a colourful flannel and some shorts, you notice, much different than your fresh out of bed joggers and t-shirt. You make a mental note to change later, and you consider stealing one of his flannels (there's the thoughts again,) just to have his smell on you.

He pulls away from you to begin setting up the eating area, bringing out cups and silverware and then returning with a plate when he senses the omelette is nearly done. He stands to your left with the plate held in both hands like an excited toddler and when you flip the breakfast meal onto his plate he leans over and presses a quick kiss to your forehead in thanks. The thoughts come rushing back; I like when you kiss me, Harry.

"D'you have any plans for today?" he quizzes, before taking a drink of his orange juice.

"Was thinking about going in the pool later," you tell him, "it seemed nice out, an' I love your pool."

"I rather like my pool too," he chuckles "I'll join you, yeah? Could go for a swim later."

When you finish eating, Harry takes the plates to wash despite your protests. You cooked, he argues, so he cleans. You glance at the time, almost 12, and decide that the time it will take to change and freshen up will be enough for your stomach to settle and therefore a swim will be safe.

Returning upstairs, you first search for a bikini and then your sunglasses, changing and adding a pair of shorts. You brush your hair, throughly this time, and tie it up to avoid contact with the chlorinated water.

Before you go back downstairs, you take a minute to look at yourself in the mirror— doing your best not to allow the thoughts to come forward. (You don't think about how your body will look to Harry, and you definitely don't allow yourself to think about what he might think about the bikini you chose. Absolutely not.)

When you return downstairs to the kitchen, the dishes are washed and on the drying rack. Grabbing two cups and straws, you fill each about half with ice and then filtered water; and carry them both out to the poolside where Harry sits contently in the sun.

Unbeknownst to you, Harry's eyes travel along your body through his sunglasses when you appear from inside of the house, wishing he could touch you. His brain flicks back to the phone call he had this morning with his Mum, how she encouraged him to make a move because she knows you're meant to be. His stomach flips thinking about it.

"Do you remember when we went to that party and you pushed that guy into the pool because he was flirting with me?" you smile, sitting down beside him and handing him one of the cold waters.

"Mm, we had to leave because he was gonna' beat me up," Harry chuckles, "I was drunk. Probably lucky he ended up in the pool."

"You were being protective! It was cute!" you defend,  rubbing his back lazily in comfort. He looks at you in a funny way, smile faltering a little before he returns his eyes back to the pool.

"M'gonna test the waters so the princess doesn't freeze," He proposes, rising from his seat when you give him a playful smack.

You rise as well, shimmying off your loose shorts and moving to sit at the side of the pool. Watching harry submerge himself first, you let your legs dangle off of the edge and into the water. It's cold, but a pleasant, enjoyable cold in the hot sun.

You sit contently for a few minutes, enjoying the water on your legs and watching harry swim back and forth. You lean back and turn your attention somewhere else, trying to avoid being caught staring.  Suddenly, though, a hand brushes up the side of one of your submerged legs, informing you of Harry's presence.

"Y'coming in?" he asks, standing now. He's tall, so your faces are about level now.

"Are you in a hurry?" He's close enough now that he's dripping cold water on your skin.

"Maybe,"

Suddenly, he's gripping your waist to lift you and pull you into the water. You squeal, grabbing his shoulders as leverage as he practically drops you into the water that feels ice cold against your warm sunny skin. He laughs loud and happy when you splash water in his direction as payback.

Soon, both of your energies mellow out. Harry's on his phone, while you're floating around in a doughnut shaped floatie. Harry snaps a photo, but you don't notice.

When it's time to get out, Harry offers to go grab the towels while you float around for a few more minutes. He's driving you crazy in the best way. Your skin still tingles where he had touched your sides to lift you into the water, and your palms burn with the memory of his bare shoulders.

When he returns, it's like his energy has changed. The sight of a shirt over his chest makes you frown momentarily, and he's light on his feet rather than the happy strides he took on his way into his home. You see him tuck his phone into his pocket as if he's been talking to someone again, and when his eyes meet yours the wide smile is hiding something else.

When you slip out of the doughnut and climb up the pool ladder, he mumbles a soft "c'mere" and wraps the towel around your shoulders. His eyes watch you for a little longer than they should've.

"Mum called again," He murmurs.

"I's she doing well? Is that who called this morning?" you question, keeping your attention on his eyes.

"Yeah, woke you up I suppose,"

"Not at all!" You defend.

He goes quiet, picking at his fingernails (a nervous habit you notice he's developed since beginning to paint his nails) and looking off to the side to avoid holding eye contact with you. This makes you nervous, he's never this way around you.

"Harry,"

"I'm sorry, 'shouldn't be such a big deal," he says, letting out an awkward laugh.

A soft smile appears on your face, taking his hands into yours to part them. Gently, you move towards him, pressing yourself wordlessly into his body and allowing his hands to wrap around your towel-covered body. It brings him comfort, and you ignore your own heart beating at the contact.

"Better?"

"A little." He admits. He loves holding you, and sure, it helps his nerves, but he's going to tell you.

His Mum's been on him since he told her you'd be staying with him, telling him “now or never, Harry!”, and he's beginning to realize it really is now or never. He doesn't know how long quarantine will keep up or how much longer you will decide to stay, and he misses you even when you're just running something as simple as a grocery trip.

He doesn't know why he's scared, he knows a friendship as strong as yours could work through anything, Still, there's always the possibility that things could go bad. “Get out of your head!'”Anne would say.

This type of topic between the two of you is quite common, given Harry's music and your tendency to be quite open. However, this type of topic concerning the two of you is uncharted territory.

He thinks about the story you'd brought up earlier. When you'd both went to a party together and some guy, very obviously drunker than the both of you, tried to flirt his way into your pants before Harry had pushed him into the pool himself.

The truth is, he knew you would hold your ground if you weren't interested. Actually, Harry knows from first-hand experience that you don't need protection, you can be very vocal when you need to be, and he's even seen you deck someone at the bar a few years back for touching one of your friends. You were the protector.

That's why, upon seeing Harry at such a nervous loss of words, you had hugged him. It was your own way of protecting him.

"I wasn't trying t'protect you when I pushed that guy into the pool." He states, quiet and unsure.

You only hum in reply, allowing him to finish his sentence but letting him know you heard what he said.

" 'was jealous."

What?

"What?" you pull away from him only slightly, “why?"

"I didn't want stupid—" he pauses for the name "Josh, or whatever, t'be the one to take y'home."

You give him a confused look, now that you can see his face. Not putting two and two together.

"Josh is great! I love Josh—"

"More than me?" he murmurs, and it clicks.

Oh.

"Of course not... Harry," you hesitate, watching his eyes move between your own and his jaw clench.

Is this happening?

"I wanted," his shaky hand finds your arm, sliding down to take hold of your own, equally shaky left hand to toy with your fingers.

"I wanted t'take you home. Crawl into bed with you. Whatever else." he finishes. His stomach is in butterflies by now and he feels the tight, anxiety feeling in his lungs.

It catches him completely off guard when your lips are on his.

When you try to pull away, scared you've overstepped, his mouth only follows your own and his hand rises to your jaw to hold you steady. He feels a weight lifted from his shoulders, holding you, kissing you, like this. This is what he's needed.

When you finally do pull away, it's to go inside. Harry erupts in happy laughter when you make a beeline up the stairs. Nothing happens though, it's too soon and Harry agrees, but that doesn't stop you from curling into Harry's sheets, cuddling and kissing each other while watching one of your favourite films.

Catching up on missed time.

***

The wedding reception.

How did we end up here?

"Honestly," Harry speaks loudly to the crowd of your family and friends within the dinner hall "I have two people to thank for sealing the deal."

You smile wildly, knowing exactly which story he's about to bring up. Your eyes travel through the table groups you and Harry had spent so much time planning out. When your eyes catch with Mitch's he gives you a wink.

"Anne, my beautiful Mother, thank you for not letting me coward out of finally telling my girl how I felt," he pauses, you place a hand on his knee

"And Josh—"

You can't hold back the laugh, especially when the entire room turns to face the poor, completely unsuspecting victim. Josh, face red and confused smile on his lips.

"Years ago, when I pushed you into that pool at your birthday party because— you would've killed me if I didn't run! Because you were talking to her and I got jealous!" the room is erupting in laughter.

The room is full of the most important people in your's and Harry's lives. Still though, your happy eyes are glued to Harry, working the small crowd of people as per usual and telling a story about the time of and before quarantine; of when you'd basically moved in with him and never left.

Later, when you're wrapped in warm blankets and Harry's arms, you're reflecting on your day. The guests, who you'd talked to, what you'd heard.

"Wow. I'm married." he dumbfounds.

Wow is right.

"We're married." you restate for him, giving his hand a soft squeeze.

"Wow. I'm married to my best friend.”

Giggles boil over in the dark room. Harry is astonished suddenly, pupils blown, wide grin on his face. He presses quick kisses to the side of your face and you snuggle into his side more.

"I think we win, H."

[rae-arts777]

because i'm a sucker for a fake dating AU, 7 & soudam? or kuzuhina? or any DR ship your heart desires babe

Kuzuhina cause I love you Bryn

(Btw this is NOT a short fic hahaha, I ended up writing 2288 words)

He’s My Boyfriend, Yeah That’s it..

#7 Fake dating

Summary: Fuyuhiko needs a plus one

“Why?” Hajime felt like the yakuza was pulling his leg.

Did Fuyuhiko seriously ask him to hang out? More importantly, did he just ask him on a date?

“Listen bastard this isn’t exactly an ideal for me either.” The shorter male growled, “I hate attending these family functions alone.”

“Why don’t you just go with your girlfriend?” Hajime asked

“PEKO IS NOT MY GIRLFRIEND!!” Fuyuhiko snapped, “I mean! Fuck! One she’s like my sister, we’re just close! Two she’s busy! I’m fucking proud she has her own plans rather then hovering over me! And I’m sure as hell not going to ruin that by asking her to come with me!” he explained

“Ok but why me? Aren’t you and Kaz really close?”

“Please that pink hair bastard won’t last a minute in a room full of yauzkas”

“Uhhhh….Nagito?”

“Is that a joke?”

Hajime sighed, guessing he really was Fuyuhiko’s most reliable option, “Ok fine, I guess it gives me an excuse to get out of the house.”

“Good, come on, we're going shopping.”

“I have a suit a home” Hajime protested

“No offense but I'm a hundred percent certain your suit is not suited for a yakuza gathering. Consider this as my thank you for dragging you to my shit family function.”

Before Hajime could protest further, Fuyuhiko grabbed his wrist and dragged him out. Despite the size difference, Fuyuhiko was surprisingly strong. Hajime sighed, he knew there was no point in protesting.

Hajime felt as if he tried on the whole store at this point. Every time he saw the price tag, he felt like he wanted to die. He felt a little bad for allowing Fuyuhiko to spend this much on him for a suit for a one time use.

Stepping out of the dressing room with the last outfit on, “Are we done yet?” Hajime groaned.

Fuyuhiko looked up from his phone and froze. Hajime for sure could pass for a common yakuza. Fuyuhiko cleared his throat and walked towards him.

“It’s missing something.” Fuyuhiko grabbed a red tie and applied it to the taller male.

Hajime felt tense with how close Fuyuhiko was. He watched as the shorter male took his time adjusting the tie.

“Umm..there..” Fuyuhiko turned him around to the mirror “You look good, better then nothing I guess.”

“Why do I feel like a sugar baby?” Hajime jokes.

“Oh shut the fuck up tall bastard.” Fuyuhiko handed his card to the retailer, “He’ll be wearing this out.”

“What are you going to wear?”

“I already have something picked out at home. I'll change when we get there.”

The retailer returned Fuyuhiko’s card, “Thank you for shopping with us.”

“Yeah thanks for the help.” He nodded, “Let’s go Hajime.” the yakuza walked out.

Hajime grabbed his bag and started to follow, but was stopped by the retailer.

“I just wanted to say, you and your boyfriend are super cute together.” She smiled.

“Boyfriend?” Hajime was taken back.

Did they seriously get mistaken for boyfriends? Did they act like boyfriends? Who else thought it? Should he correct her?

Hajime stared at the retailer who had a big smile on her face.

“....Thanks, yeah my boyfriend and I appreciate your help.”

“Shop with us again soon!” she waved him bye as he left.

Trying to catch up to Fuyuhiko, he felt his mind racing. Why didn’t she correct her? Why did it not bother him? Hajime shook his head. No, it was just easier to just say yes cause they have somewhere to be, no time to explain, yeah that’s it. Better she told Hajime and not Fuyuhiko.

The two arrived at the Kuzuryu manor. Fuyuhiko led Hajime inside, there were already a few guests.

“Just stay here.” Fuyuhiko sat him at a table, “I’ll be back in a second.”

Hajime looked around, it was hard to believe these were the people Fuyuhiko hung around with daily. Awkwardly he fidgeted with his hands, he was thirsty. There was a mini bar across the room, he just needed water. It wouldn’t hurt to get up for a few seconds for water.

Hajime made his way over the minibar. The bartender glanced at him and raised an eyebrow.

“Who are you with?”

“Oh I’m just here with Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu, I just wanted water.” Hajime explained.

The bartender sided with Hajime as he got the boy a glass of water.

“What are your relations to him?” Was this an interrogation?

Hajime hesitated “I’m...here as...his plus one…”

“A date?”

“Yes...date...he’s my...boy..friend.” Hajime drugged out. Shit he did it again.

“Boyfriend? Huh. Well guess you never know huh? Enjoy your evening.” The bartender turned to help another guest.

Hajime shuddered and took his water back to the table. Why did he say boyfriend? He could have just said friend. This was different from the store, the bartender will most likely tell Fuyuhiko something. Shit.

As Hajime’s mind was racing, he was pulled out from a tap on the shoulder.

“Hey.” Natsumi sat next to him.

“Oh, hey Natsumi '' Hajime sighed in relief, at least there was one more person there he knew.

“Did my dipshit brother drag you to this?” She asked.

“Well he needed a plus one, and I needed an excuse to get out of the house. So I sort of agreed to this.”

“I see, speaking of that asshole, where is he?”

“He said he needed to change real quick. I think he should be back soon.”

“Bastard! Leaving you here all alone! Sorry my brother dragged you on a sucky date. Come on, you’re coming with me.”

Before Hajime could protest, Natsumi was already dragging him away. How is it that he's been dragged by both Kuzuryu today?

Fuyuhiko returned to the table, dressed in a more fancy suit for the occasion. Real quick he noticed Hajime was gone.

“That fucking bastard!”

Fuyuhiko started to walk around looking for him. Deep down he was worried, he shouldn’t have left Hajime alone in a room full of people like this. God knows who he’s with. Scanning the room, Fuyuhiko’s eyes finally landed on Hajime, but his blood boiled.

Hajime is wrapped up in a group of Natsumi’s friends. A guy resting his hand on Hajime’s shoulder. It was clear the male was trying to flirt with Hajime.

Fuyuhiko stormed up to them, “Hey.” Just as the guy turned around, Fuyuhiko struck him in the jaw.

“Jesus Christ bro!” Natsumi yelled “Seriously?! Why are you attacking my friends?!”

“Well tell your fucking “friend” to keep his hands to himself!!” Fuyuhiko snapped.

Hajime flinched, shit he felt like this was a little bit of his fault.

“Why do you care so much?! Hajime is just trying to enjoy himself!”

“I care because-” wait, why did Fuyuhiko care so much? “Because…..” he grabbed Hajime’s arm and pulled him towards him “isn’t it obvious? I brought him as my date! Cause! We’re dating! Yeah! That’s it!” Fuyuhiko proclaimed, the heat rising on his cheeks.

Hajime felt his whole face turn red, did he hear him right? Natsumi looked between the two, studying both their faces.

“Oh. My bad bro I didn’t know!” She smirked at Hajime, “I’m surprised you didn’t mention you’re dating my brother.”

“Oh well...it’s..” hajime looked at Fuyuhiko “We just recently started dating!”

“Yeah!” Fuyuhiko chimed in, “We..started dating...this past week!”

“Yeah..uhhh, Fuyuhiko asked me out.” Hajime smirked a bit “I seriously never seen him so flushed, he was all so shy and nervous. Had a letter and everything. It was just so cute.”

“HUH?!” Fuyuhiko glared at him “I think you’re remembering things wrong! Yeah I asked you out but YOU were the one who was all shy! You guys should have seen him! The bastard was practically sobbing because he was so flustered.”

Natsumi smirked watching the two, “Please tell us more!”

“Yeah please do!” another person chimed in

“Where did he confess?”

“How long have you liked him?”

“Have you two gone on any dates yet?”

“So is he like your eye candy?”

“Wait, the boss likes men?”

Hajime and Fuyuhiko were bombarded with questions. The two looked at each other, well there was no turning back now.

The supposed yuzuka gathering turned into a hearing of Hajime and Fuyuhiko's love story, everyone was invested. The two tried to bounce off of each other’s stories, but also both tried to embarrass the other in some way.

“If I remembered correctly, you were the one staring at me in the locker rooms.” Hajime smirked

“Like hell I was! You’re one to talk! You’re not slick, you were practically drooling over me in there. Now that I think about it, you did tell Nagito that you liked me.” Fuyuhiko chuckled.

“Oh...well I do guess saying I like chihuahuas is the same thing.”

“THE FUCK YOU SAY?!”

The room busted out in laughter.

“Awww you two are just two cute.” Natsumi smiled, “I didn’t know bro was such a romantic!”

“Shut the fuck up you bitch.” Fuyuhiko growled.

Natsumi just smiled, “I have to say it was such an interesting story, but I think we’re all tired of hearing about your love life.”

Thank god, both of them sighed in relief.

“We want to see! So give us a kiss!”

“WHAT?!” Both of them yelled at her.

“Yeah, kiss him!”

“Kiss!”

“Come on!”

The whole room was chanting for them to kiss.

“I mean it’s natural for you two. YOU DID SAY your first kiss was in your classroom late at the end of a school day.” Natsumi snickered, “So is a simple kiss a problem?”

The two males looked at each other, feeling their cheeks turn red.

“Ok…” Hajime said

“No problem, no problem at all....” Fuyuhiko mumbled.

The two awkwardly faced each other. They fumbled with their hands not knowing where to place them. Fuyuhiko grumbled and rested his hand on Hajime’s waist. Awkwardly, Hajime draped his arms over Fuyuhiko’s shoulders. Hajime looked down at him, he never saw Fuyuhiko so nervous.

“Everyone is staring…” Hajime whispered.

“yeah...I know...can’t really turn back now..” Fuyhukio tried to avoid eye contact.

Hajime slowly leaded down, he felt Fuyuhiko’s grip tighten a bit around his waist. Testing the waters, Hajime brushed his lips against the yakuza, giving him one last chance to back out. Even though their lips were barely apart, the shorter one mumbled something the taller one could not pick up. Hajime was taken back when Fuyuhiko actually closed the gap.

Their lips felt awkward at first, smooshed against each other, but they worked with it. Hajime felt himself lean in deeper, as Fuyuhiko brought a hand up to cup Hajime’s cheek, trying to pull the taller male closer against him. The two almost forgot they were in a room filled with people watching him. Almost.

They quickly broke the kiss when they heard a flash of a camera. Fuyuhiko head shot around to see Natsumi holding her phone up with a shit eating grin.

“DELETE THAT!!!” Fuyuhiko screamed

“No thank you!” Natsumi ran off laughing.

Before he chased her, Fuyuhiko turned his attention to the crowd “WHAT?! You got what you wanted! Now fuck off!” He then ran off screaming at Natsumi to delete the picture.

The rest of the night is uneventful. Some people came up to congratulate Hajime and Fuyuhiko on their couple status.

Hajime could not stop thinking about the kiss though. He looked over at Fuyuhiko who was chatting with someone. It didn’t seem like the kiss was getting to him as much as it was to Hajime.

Hajime felt his heart tug a bit. He guessed the kiss did not mean much to Fuyuhiko. I mean why would it? They weren’t even dating. But also, what now? Were they going to stage some big breakup or something?

As the party ended, Fuyuhiko walked Hajime out to the car he had arranged to take Hajime home.

“So….that was something..” Fuyuhiko said.

“Yeah...sure it was..” Hajime looked down at his feet.

“Sorry..for forcing you into that silly narrivate.”

“Oh it’s nothing..I mean it was kind of fun...well I mean..I played along so yeah..” Hajime nervously chuckled.

“yeah ...yeah…”

“You know...funny enough, earlier that retail lady said you and I were cute..heh she thought we were boyfriends, and ummm, I didn’t correct her..” he explained.

“Is that so…?” Fuyuhiko said.

“Yeah...so haha. Anyways I guess we can stage a breakup or something like that.”

“Yeah we can..or we can do something else rather than lie again..”

Hajime looked up to meet Fuyuhiko’s gaze, the shorter male had taken a few steps closer.

“We can make those previous lies true..I mean like...the story about our first date. I honestly..umm fuck...I mean if the park and dinner is an good ideal for you as a..first date..” Fuyuhiko's gaze focused on Hajime’s tie.

Hajime felt his heart race, did Fuyuhiko just ask him on a date?

“I…” Hajime grabbed Fuyuhiko’s hand, the shorter male looking up to meet his gaze, “I would really enjoy that..”

Fuyuhiko blushed and nodded. He let go of Hajime’s hand and opened the car door for him.

“Text me when you get home.”

“Yeah I will.” Hajime got into the car.

“hajime ..”

“yeah ?”

Fuyuhiko grabbed his hand again, and kissed his palm “despite what happened, I..really enjoyed tonight.”

“Yeah me too,” Hajime smiled.

The two waved goodbye and Fuyuhiko closed the car door. He waited on the side of the crib until the car was out of sight. Fuyuhiko rubbed his face, mumbling, feeling his face become flushed again.

“Fuck.”